#but I don't have the strength to keep on going for longer than this rn

[there-will-be-a-way]

My ergo therapist and a nurse drove me to my apartment today to be there for emotional support while I cleaned up the mess ex roommate left behind. The nurse said it was an act of aggression that ex roommate left his belongings at my place - same goes for pissing in my bed and all that.

Yesterday I received a text message from him, stating that the police is informed and that I should speak out. I ignored the message. Didn't do anything illegal meaning there's no reason to be afraid of the cops.

I feel battered nevertheless. Kind of defeated. Hopeless, sad, angery. Not just because of ex roommate but in general. Don't know how to climb out of this hole, this time. I always had a plan. Or an idea on what to do and where to go, but rn I just feel lost. Yeah, I'll go to the living group again but what then? My addiction will still be there. All the other stuff too. I'm putting my hopes in the rehab clinic I'll go to in a couple of weeks.

I just hope I won't be discharged tomorrow. Yesterday I got told they want to keep me here for a while longer so that I can learn to reach out for help and stand up for myself more. But part of me believes they'll just drop me tomorrow nevertheless. Kind of like it's often been.

Yeah, I might be triggered. Feeling raw, as if I have no skin. A nurse took my pocket ashtray because there's a weed leaf on it (yeah I'm cringe, I know) and it felt like the end of the world. These "everybody hates me, no one understands me, the whole world is against me" kinda feelings. Oh man.

[cosmic-ghost-hermit]

What Are You Too Hard On Yourself About?

So my camera that I usually take pictures with is not accessible rn so I'm going to be using a different approach to doing pick-a-pile readings. I'm taking inspiration from other tarot readers on tumblr and use aesthetic photos that I find on pinterest and tumblr. let me know if yall like this more than the photo approach!

PILE ONE

Astrology: Virgo, Capricorn, Leo

Cards: The Wheel of Fortune, The Tower, King of Pentacles, En Caul

Song: Queen Of This Shit by Quay Dash

Vibes: ❤️🎂🚗🫖🥊☕️🍎🎲🎸🎹🍒🚑���⏰🍉✉️🍓🤍🌶.⚾️🥩🍰

Hello, pile 1! You seem to be hard on yourself for things that aren't even your fault, my friend. I think when you were young a lot of things were blamed on you so now you take responsibility when anything tragic happens. The thing about you is you are the one person that holds together the best in tragedy. It's only after it's all happened that you start feeling like you are to blame. You are not the cause of the wheel turning. Life is a series of up's and down's on the wheel of fortune. I hear you saying things to yourself like "I'm better off not being around" but my friend the wheel would still turn if you weren't. You being in the general vicinity does not make you at fault. You keep the ride on that wheel semi-stable, my dear. Please be kinder to yourself. You are so intelligent and you have the abilities of a seer. You know what to expect from the rollercoaster that life is and you are fantastic at preparing for it. Do not beat yourself up for existing. Do not beat yourself up for making simple mistakes. Accept yourself at every part of life. Love yourself at your best AND your worst.

PILE TWO

Astrology: Pisces, Gemini, Libra

Cards: The Hanged-Man, Page of Swords, Two of Cups, Lady of the Lake

Song: I Wish I Never Met You by Oh Wonder

Vibes: 💙❤️🦋🌹❄️💥🫐🍒💎🧲🧿🪓🌀🧯♿️🧰💦🍄🐳🎒🧢👠🧵🧣🌎

Hi, pile 2! You are hard on yourself for 2 things that work in tandem with each other. You either really struggle to find partners or you struggle to build romantic connections with the sexual partners you find. You have a very pixie-like energy which makes me think this is rooted in ADHD. You get extremely distracted by your interests and your experiences. This makes it difficult for you to find romance with anyone. The people you find connections with don't understand that you need patience and understanding. They don't understand that your ADHD isn't just a disability. Your ADHD is a PART of you and if they can't accept and love your ADHD along with you, they don't even deserve your attention and love anyway. I see that there is trauma connected to you feeling useful. Because you have been rejected for the way your mind works you think all you are good at is sex. You have fallen victim to people-pleasing behaviors all because you are allowing people to shit on an entire facet of your personality. Please stand up for yourself instead of being hard on yourself for how others view you. Their opinions do not matter if they constantly put you into a state of distress and self-hatred. Do not beat yourself up because of other people's ableism. You deserve a lover that understands you and accepts every part of you. When you finally stand up for yourself you will have completed a really tough cycle and your new energy will reward you greatly with a true romantic partner that will most likely be sticking around longer than the others.

PILE THREE

Astrology: Taurus, Sagittarius, Aries

Cards: The Empress, Strength, 8 of Wands, The Rainbow

Song: No Drug Like Me by Carly Rae Jepsen

Vibes: 💛🎺🏅🐝🐱👑👙🍯🥧🥞🧀🌸🍋🍌☀️💫⚡️✨🌻🌼💐🕯💰🛍

Hey there pile 3. Your energy is so light but somehow very rich as well. You have such a lovely energy that people love to be in. This can be a blessing and a curse for you. This is because you aren't too attached to anything or anyone. You are the type of person who people get addicted to but you often leave as quickly as you arrived. You are too hard on yourself about how this makes people feel. You feel as if you have left a string of broken hearts behind you. I see you feeling very guilty because of this. Don't be harsh with yourself about your true nature. You need room to travel from person to person. You aren't the kind of individual to get attached to concepts you experience as temporary. Human connection isn't meant to be permanent for you anyway. You shouldn't try to save feelings by moving away from your authenticity. You are meant to be independent and follow your heart where the wind takes it. Let the broken hearts leave your mind. Let the guilt slide off of you like water off a duck's back. Those people will find new beginnings with people who are meant to settle down. You will forever be a free spirit. If you tried to tie yourself down out of a sense of guilt it wouldn't end well for anyone. Your authenticity should be your main priority, not saving the emotions of people who have paths to walk you can't follow. What they think about you doesn't matter if it's your time to dip again.

PILE FOUR

Astrology: Scorpio, Cancer, Aquarius

Cards: The Hanged Man, 2 of Pentacles, Ace of Swords, Cosmic Ocean

Song: Greener by Kid Quill

Vibes: 💚🤎🐸🦇🪲🦂🍀🍂🥝🥥🍈🍹🧩🛖✅⚰️♻️🧺🇵🇸🚪🤑🪑💸🕯📗

Hey there, pile 4! You need to be easier on yourself for your indecisiveness, my friend. You are a very interesting combination of compassionate and intelligent. This is what makes it so hard for you to make decisions fast. It's not that you are bad at making decisions. You are smart enough to consider the different paths that could happen when making a decision. You understand that your actions have consequences and you can predict them very accurately. You are also kind enough to consider how those consequences affect the people around you. You are actually REALLY good at making decisions but it takes time to consider all of the possibilities. People have given you a hard time about indecisiveness for a long time but that's because they can't see the gears turning in your head. They don't see that you see every possibility. They can't even fathom the experience because most of the people giving you a hard time are only thinking logically or are only thinking compassionately but you see both perspectives which gives you more intel to contemplate. Be a bit nicer to yourself when you make decisions slowly. The people critiquing you don't even know the half of it.

[sickuma]

ORPHIC (2) — A Simon Riley fic.

❱ This is the last part of HIRAETH ! I don't want to drag it any longer than this. It's so much fun writing this and exploring more words to add to my vocab! Everyone's been nice (except when they give me their therapy bills) I love you guys srsly, You make writing so much more fun <3

I should have gotten this done HOURS ago, but I had to do stuff and just finished working out T-T but hey, writing block isn't killing me rn.

ꜝ？This fic may contain heavy topics such as death, depression and melt-downs, if any of those are not to your liking. Please do so exit the fic. Angst warning!

➴ SYNOPSIS — Ghost mourns of what's lost; reminiscing of the memories, apologizing, begging for you to hear his desperation for your presence as he sat Infront of your tombstone.

QUERENCIA — (n.) A place from which a one's strength is drawn, where one feels at home; the place where you are your most authentic self.

“Relationships in the military,”

He spoke, pausing to stare at your eyes. Searching for hesitance,

“They tend to be tragic.”

“But we’ll be together, no?”

“look , kid, it's not as easy as it sounds—”

“Do you feel the same way?”

You cut him off, not giving him the chance to speak. Catching ‘the’ simon ghost riley off guard, “Yes.” he breathes out.

“Then I don't see the problem, lieutenant, I love you, you love me. That's what barney said.”

He stares at the void, remembering yet again another memory he kept special in his heart. He wondered if you had not pursued him at that exact moment. Would he still feel the raw pain that plagued his heart now? Would it still hurt all the same?

If you hadn't stubbornly shown him how determined and real your love for him was, would he still be in this position, dreading every day that comes knowing the person he needs the most was taken from him.

throwing his gear onto the side. Making his way back to his quarters without giving anyone a second glance,

Ever since you've been gone, the base has been awfully tense. The rest understood his situation, trying their best to be there for him, all while attending to their own duties. The past few weeks had been the hardest, They could tell Ghost had been on edge.

He’d only speak to them if it's necessary, otherwise he’d be kept to himself. As if the past had repeated itself, there appeared a gap between his friends and him. He was mourning, and he plans to keep mourning,

If that means having you on his mind,

Then he’ll mourn forever.

“Ghost?”

Price’s eyes widened at the sight of Ghost, 

It’s the first month since you've passed away and the rest of the team planned to pay you a visit to show respect and also let you know how missed you are, not just by them, but also by Ghost who seemed to have shut his whole world out.

He saw how Ghost shown a tough facade when he would hear him call for her,

At night, when everyone slept, Ghost cried and wept for you to come back. Begging aimlessly for your return,

Begging endlessly to feel your arms around him again.

Price didn't expect him to be joining them. He hadn't been. The team visited your resting place a couple of times before, he’d invite him but he’ll make up reasons not to go. Price figured he still hasn't accepted that's where your body lays,

The ride to their destination felt almost eerie, the tension leading the hour long drive. Nobody dared to speak, not a single word.

Ghost’s mind resides elsewhere, watching the scenery they drove past. Chest heaving up and down as he struggles to fathom that he’d finally visit you, 

No—he was more occupied with thinking about how it’s only been a month.

It felt longer than that. It felt longer than his training days. He felt more exhausted, more agitated, and more angry. He resents every breathing thing he comes across to,

He knew it sounded cruel, but why do they deserve to live and you don't? You have been the kindest, and yet you were taken first. He couldn't understand,

As a soldier he’d lost multiple comrades, having to face funerals—visit the cemetery, and deal with death itself. Though yours felt unreal,

It felt as if his bones were crushed. He knew how pathetic it seemed, clinging onto someone who's never coming back, but he'd rather cling onto the past if it means having to hold you close to his heart forever, where you belonged.

、 

Everyone got out of the car,

Everyone but him.

Price sighed, not planning to pry. If his breath felt shallow just by being here, he could only imagine what Ghost felt at this moment, considering it was his first time to ever be here.

A few minutes passed, and the three sat quietly at first until soap had cracked a dad joke, lifting the atmosphere just a little bit. They spoke as if you were there, sitting with them, price would constantly glace at Ghost, who sat quietly in the car. He wondered what ran through his mind.

“We should give him his own time to talk to [name].” Price groaned as he stretched when he stood up, the two following closely behind him. “He needs this.”

Ghosts' eyes caught them approaching. He felt his stomach sink. He knew he planned to wait until they finished before he took his turn as he expected himself to break down and shed tears. He didn't want them to see that. And yet he still felt his heart beat faster when they came back,

Price threw him a small smile, a smile of empathy.

As if that's his cue, he jumped out of the car. Taking slow strides towards ‘your’ direction. He never thought he could ever despise a cemetery so much in his life,

The only thing he could think of was the way you laid down there, away from his grasp.

No matter how slow he walks, he soon finds himself in front of ‘you’, oh well—a stone that only proved to him that you're gone. “Have you been waiting?”

He couldn't believe it,

He was talking to a mere stone.

But he’ll take what he can get.

“Wake up.” he stared down with an expressionless face, “enough laziness, [name]. Get up from there.”

“You can have all of the shirts you want from me, you can pluck my eyebrows, do it, you can get a puppy. Anything you want just— just wake up.”

His voice betrayed him the more he spoke, 

The longer he looked at the stone, the way he kept reading the credentials written on it, the more it felt real. Every passing second is just another evidence of your disappearance,

“You always call me mean,”

He swallowed,

“Yet you're the one who left first.” his cold gaze softened, the more he looked at the ground. Under the ground where your body laid.

Where the body of his lover slept eternally.

“How do I find you now? Now that I'm stuck here?”

He recollects his promise, the promise to reunite in your next life. It all pierced through him. He’s a soldier, yet he finds himself worrying about the most ridiculous thing. What if you'd reincarnate before he passed?

What if you leave him behind again,

What if this time you find someone else to love?

What will he be then?

“Remember when you'd go on tangents about how fascinating reincarnation and universes are? I believe you now, okay? So— so wait for me.”

He sat down, quietly enjoying the breeze. He couldn't deny the pain of the piercing ache that developed in his chest. It never really went away. He would simply distract himself.

“I find it hard to sleep again, love.”

“The bed feels colder without you in it. Do i sound cheesy? Do not make fun of me. I want to be honest. Maybe doing that would lessen the overbearing hurt in my chest. It’s just—it’s only been a month since youre gone and im already a fucking mess. I mean, look at me,”

He chuckled,

“I look rough, dont i?” he sighed, “would you still find my eyes pretty even when i tire them out by crying?”

He looked away, observing the serenity of the cemetery. He wondered how many souls wandered around, and if yours were one, and if you stood close to him.

“I feel—just terrible. When I woke up, I thought I'd finally lose it, well I did. I caused price trouble, you'd have scolded me. I really did it this time, pushing everyone away as if you'd come back to tell me off. That's not ever happening, and that's what hurts the most.” 

He spoke slowly, yet he felt out of breath.

“It feels suffocating—you know? To live without you.”

“I don't know why I woke up, I wished I didn't. Maybe then I'd be with you.”

“It’s scary, [name], so scary.” he whispered, the rasp of his voice sounding more evident. “I have no certainty if we’ll see each other again; and I need nothing more than to hold—to feel you again. To hear your voice, to take in your scent. If I have to give everything up for that, I will.”

“Anything just to have you back to me.”

He stared at the words engraved on the tomb,

“but if i have to wait decades or centuries—i will—without hesitance, without a blink, i will. For you, I'll keep being patient.”

“That's how worthy you are [name]. So wait for me please, no matter how long it takes for me to find you again, please wait.”

He spoke lowly, but certainly, no matter where you are, he hoped you'd recognize him, hoping you’d recognize his eyes you loved so much,

“Even if it means i'll have to die again and again, i’ll keep searching for you until we’re back home until i can hear your voice call my name again.”

“Wait for me, [name].”

Hoping you’d recognize your Simon.

、 

Somewhere along the memories,

、 

Somewhere along the universe,

、 

Somewhere along life and death,

、 

Somewhere along—

、 

“Simon.”

“Pardon?” he looked at you, puzzled expression written all over his face. “Whatd you just say?”

“My simon.”

We're home.

[fairy-writes]

Hello I don't know if your requests are open, but can I request something for hoshina and Gen?Maybe a bit of angst but ends in Fluff.In this scenario his in a relationship with the reader,but the reader has had a very rough past which ended with their entire family being killed in a Kaiju attack.And they sometimes get nightmares about their family,they reveal the reason why they joined was for revenge they want to kill every existing Kaiju.Their reckless in the battle field,don't care about their life and suicidal.During a mission they were protecting their fellow soldiers and taking down maybe a numbered Kaiju,they ended up getting a very life threatening injury but luckily recovered.

You can choose if you wanna make this dw- I just want some angst with fluff rn 🏃🏻‍♀️💨.

HAVE A NICE DAYYY

FIGHTING TOOTH AND NAIL

Reblogs and Comments are greatly appreciated!!

__________________________________________________________________________

Fandom(s): Kaiju No. 8

Pairing(s): Hoshina Soshiro x Reader

Narumi Gen x Reader

Word Count: 1.1k

Genre(s)/Tag(s): Gender Neutral!Reader, Overworking, Nightmares, Suicidal Tendencies, Gore

Notes: Doing this a bit differently, the beginning scenario is the same for both Narumi and Hoshina. The hospital bit is where it varies. 

I did already do a similar scenario with Narumi on my page. It’s titled “Running Away From What?” if you wanna check it out :)

The scenario part went a bit longer than I hoped, so I cut them off a bit prematurely, mostly because I didn’t want to overwork my already overworked brain. 

Make sure to read the tags!

__________________________________________________________________________

In the world of kaiju extermination, it was well-known that you were a workaholic. Even more so than most people. You got up earlier, stayed later, and trained with any scrap of free time that you had. You weren’t particularly powerful when going up against powerhouses like Ashiro Mina, Narumi Gen, or Hoshina Soshiro. But you still pulled out enough power to be a formidable opponent in your own right. 

You were scrappy, clever, and quicker than most. But that didn’t mean you had magically gotten that powerful. No. You earned every percentage you pulled out by fighting tooth and nail and with broken bones. In short, you earned your team’s respect. 

If only you could eradicate every damn kaiju on the planet with that power. 

But that was going to be more challenging than you thought. 

The battlefield was chaos. People were getting hurt, dying even. 

And in the midst of all of it, you were frozen. Your grip on your weapon was loosening, slipping from your fingers, and it took all your mental strength to keep from dropping it. You stared blankly at the kaiju before you. 

It was on the smaller side when it came to kaiju, though it was still the size of a horse. It stood on all fours, with a long tail swinging back and forth and blistered skin melting into bulging muscles. There wasn’t a single hair follicle in sight, leaving the skin covered in pustules and blisters that oozed green liquid. It stunk, the overwhelming scent of infection making you gag through your respirator. The beast’s face was corpse-like and looked pieced together with loose skin and a mouth full of broken teeth. 

The monster was disgusting. But the smell of its breath brought back memories of bodies torn in half and fires consuming your childhood home. 

Your name being called broke you out of your stupor, and you tightened your grip on your weapon. Turning ever so slightly, you spotted a comrade in arms running toward you. 

“The kaiju is a daikaiju! It’s rated an 8.0! We have to—” Quick as a whip, the beast’s tail swung around and cut your comrade in half. The light abruptly dies in their eyes, and the top half of their body topples to the ground with a wet thump. 

Abruptly, a raging fire bursts within you, and you grit your teeth, ignoring the bile rising in your throat from the stench, and you leap forward, ready to vanquish this monster that killed your fellow soldier. 

Hoshina Soshiro

The light scorched your retinas when you opened your eyes. 

So you did the logical thing and closed them again. 

But the quick glimpse told you what you needed to know. 

You were in the hospital. 

The beeping of the heart monitor didn’t take long to start driving you up the wall, and part of you was tempted to try and turn it off. 

But you knew you were in no condition to do anything but lay there. 

It was then that the door opened, and someone swept in with the force of a hurricane. 

“How are they?” 

Soshiro. 

He sounded upset, which was odd for him. In all your years of being together, you could count on one hand the amount of times he had been upset around you. 

“Same as yesterday. There was a blip in their heart rate a moment ago, but it’s back to normal again.” Someone said—a doctor or nurse, maybe?—and you felt someone adjust something attached to your arm. Perhaps it was an IV?

The medical personnel left, leaving you alone with your fiancé. You immediately felt his hand in yours as he sat at your side. His hands were calloused, as were yours, but you could practically feel the grime from the battle. 

Had he not showered since the battle?

How long had it been anyway? 

“Y’know, I really wished you’d wake up… So I can both reprimand and congratulate you.” Soshiro said with a breathy laugh. His hand squeezed slightly, tangling his fingers with yours, and you felt him press his mouth against your knuckles. 

You fought to open your eyes again. This time, it felt as if your eyelids weighed a million pounds. They wouldn’t cooperate. You couldn’t get your body to do anything you wanted. 

Until… Your eyelashes fluttered.

A gasp. Your name being exhaled on a breath. Like a wish on the wind. Soshiro’s hand tightened again around yours. 

And then light. 

Narumi Gen

(He still doesn't get a gif. I still don't like his anime design)

How were you alive? 

At least, you assumed you were alive. 

You were pretty sure the afterlife didn’t have this damned beeping all the time. 

There were two types of beeping. 

The first kind, which you knew well, was the beeping of Gen’s handheld gaming device. 

And the second? You also were very familiar with it—the beeping of hospital machines.

“I know you’re awake.” Yup. That was Gen. So, you agonizingly peeled your eyelids open and tried to look over to the side. 

Keyword being tried. 

There was a neckbrace around your neck restricting your movement. So you settled with groping with your free hand that didn’t have an IV in the back of it for Gen’s hand. He obliged you and took it, pausing his game and setting it aside to focus on you. 

You could tell without even looking at him that he was upset. You told him as much, and he scoffed. You could see the ruffling of his hair in your periphery as he ran his free hand through the black and gray strands.

“No shit, Sherlock. You almost died. Of course, I’m mad.” He snapped, and you closed your eyes because you couldn’t do much else. 

“Did I at least kill that motherfu—”

“Worry about something else for once!” Gen bit out, and your mouth shut. 

The situation dawned on you as Gen started to speak, explaining what happened after supposedly watching the surveillance. 

You almost died five times. Twice when fighting the number kaiju. You remembered those moments just fine. And three times, when your heart stopped those three separate times on the way to the hospital. You didn’t remember this. You remembered gutting the monster and killing it, but after that, it was just… Blank. 

Had you really come that close to death? 

Hearing Gen’s voice crack, something that never happened, cracked your heart, and you squeezed his hand. 

“I’m sorry.” You croaked and heard him sigh. 

“Just… Don’t pull something like that again… Okay? I almost lost you.” He said softly, and you felt a tear streak your cheek. 

“Promise.”

[do-you-ship-it-polls]

Do you ship it?

reason under the cut!

People say Kavetham is a good ship because they're roommates who bicker all the time and are basically a married couple already, but it goes so much deeper than that.

What if we met in grad school, where we were instantly drawn to one another because of our diametrically-opposed, perfectly-mirrored ideologies? What if we spent our days embroiled in intellectual debates with one another, fascinated by the way each other's minds worked, all while bonding over our similarly fucked-up family situations and the pervasive sense of loneliness we shared? What if you were a relentless altruist, and what if I was the kind of person who valued self-preservation above all; you, an artist and architect, and I, a linguist and historian; and what if we were so sure that our differences were the strength of our relationship that we decided to pursue a joint research project?

What if that all fell apart, because one day I could no longer bear to see you drive yourself into the ground for the sake of other people, and I said things to you that I could never take back, and it made you walk away from our friendship forever? What if, from that day on, we were no longer on speaking terms, and as we grew older and graduated and became successful researchers with jobs in completely different fields, our only form of communication was firing passive-aggressive shots at each other's worldviews through academic journals and tavern message boards?

And then what if, many years later, your self-sacrificial nature finally got the better of you, and you gave up everything to create your magnum opus? And, while everyone around you celebrated your victory, you were secretly at rock bottom, homeless and drinking yourself to death? What if that was when I found my way to you again? What if, in a moment of weakness, you confided in me about everything you had been through since we had parted ways, and I offered my home to you, then? As a temporary place to stay, maybe, while you got yourself back on your feet.

And just like that, what if we started living together, trying to work our way past the festering, unresolved bitterness between us, picking through the suffocating feelings of regret and yearning and the "I-hate-to-admit-it-but-I-still-care-about-you"s and the constant reminders that we once considered each other family in the absence of our biological families? What if we spent every single day since then trying to gather the shards of our old relationship and reassemble it into something on at least vaguely civil terms? What if that's not an easy task; what if, despite caring for each other so deeply, we have forgotten how to hold a conversation that doesn't devolve into an argument?

But what if, over the course of our story, we were each put into situations that make us realize that we are too precious to one another to keep wasting our relationship away on miscommunications? For example, what if you learned that all your mother wanted for you was to have a companion who would support you unconditionally (even when they didn't fully understand you), just as your parents supported each other -- and you realized that I am the one who fills such a role for you? What if, as we continued to face conflicts with stakes both big and small, we slowly got over our communication issues, and grew content with calling our shared house a "home"?

So, what I mean to ask is: what if we were roommates who bickered all the time and were basically a married couple already?

tag: @kanon-kun

-

They're roommates and never seem to be away from each other, even the new character Sethos sees it between them and he just met them (I would go more into detail but I am dying on the inside rn and this is all I can muster)

tag: @animedragonwhouseswitchcraft (sorry once again i missed this one)

[manic-sapphic]

spop imgs!- except cursed w dumb lil commentary~

top one has sound and i'm sorry for making it ok - but obvi i'm lying cause i'm still letting it exist on the internet - so i guess more accurately, i'm sorry i'm not sorry? but hey, i'll pretend i'm gonna work on that tho ok<3

sometimes before u can even try to forgive - ya just gotta sucker punch em in the face with a running start and fists encased in thick af ice - & then the healing begins.

-- "duck?"

-- "ooh- where?"

scorpia, ily. never change .... but also- when tf has there ever been any indication this planet even be up in them ducks tho?

- maaaan scorpia, so kind - tryna spare seahawk's feelings- even when she was still always tryna toss e'ry lil rebel she could get her hands on left and right - whether from the deck of a boat, sendin ya plummeting toward some big fckin gnar propeller in its engine, or a scenic, snowy bridge over a huge, seemingly bottomless chasm - scorpia don't discriminate. she will gladly fling u like gravity don't exist in any & every direction- & let the chips fall where they may <3

but hey tho- she is way nice to seahawk fr - after this mf'er tricked this trusting lil scorpion sweetie in no princess left behind into believing he was "the inspector" & then tryna flirt w her when he reads he's boutta get caught - bad at vibes very on that one seahawk, but gee u certainly went for it. i guess good job? but more like- nice try- and then even more like- u tried.

- ok so, hypothetically - ur ex-bestie leads a surprise attack vs you & ur new rebel crew that seems like it's over and ya done lost tf out of it - but when it appears as tho the battle has wrapped up - bestie walks up like this- like she wanna be best bestie tho --- is it wrong to be pretty almost confident w/o a damn doubt- i could def find it in my heart to let go of the whole 'brawling-1-on-1-during-a-major-battle-between-our-warring-forces' thing? and fairly quick i bet-- like, idk ~2.5ish secs after my vision cleared well enough to see wanna be best bestie walkin over like she gonna be best bestie---

cause i dunno for sure if it's wrong or not - but i'ma go ahead and submit that it is not -- and just call any disagreements respected differences in philosophies aight.

"wait wait waitwait - time out -

...wtf is this..? tf just happened rn- oh shi, hold up- it's still happening--- wut the hell is going on--

srry - can we put a pause on me man-handling u for a quick sec? - i'll get right back on it asap -

but i think maybe i do got some sorta brain damage happenin fr this time cause def feels like something in my head just got broke tf out of & i have literally no clue what's going on w this feeling or tf to do about it -- omfg catra am i dying?? i'm so scared rn- oh, also i seem to have forgotten how to move -"

-tbh the best thing about this moment ^^ to me is the obvi af stark diff in she-ra's strength & catra's once adora's no longer in control- adora just whippin catra tf around & slamming her into the fckin frozen tundra- gurl just lived a fleeting second life as she-ra's fav lil stress toy - (a life that's cut short af ofc after she-ra's done playin w her bitty kitty body like the mf-er weighs less than air - and tosses her face-first into the ground & she goes down so hard - btch skips across the snow like all it was to she-ra was skippin a fckin stone on a lake)-

~sure, u can prowl around on my floor tryna check for intruders, anytime at all - keep me safe, cat gurl~~

ok yes- i def put this gif w the set i posted for white out, so this one's a repeat- but, i mean. can you blame me- & c'mon, are u even mad bout it?

tbh i'm just kinda hoping every time i send it out into cyber space, cyber space gets a lil gayer <3

ok that's enough/also too much from me~~

--byyeeeee (but prob not for long, let's be real) <3

[isa-ghost]

Isa my darling! Happy Birthday, albeit a couple of days early.

Seeing you screech in Philza's streams because Apollo hit you with that dodgeball yet again makes me giggle a lot.

How about since headcanon's for qPhilza's past/pre island relationship with qFit. How they got to know each other, and how quickly they became friends?

Idr if I said this on Tumblr yet but deadass I asked Apollo on my pendulum if qPhil is his blorbo and he said yes. He's been as invested in shit as me and it's been hilarious. I literally have crows yelling at me irl to keep writing rn but I'm answering headcanons first.

The entire time I've been distracted between writing these, crows have been yelling at me about it. Which. Is how Apollo communicates with me when I'm not actively talking to him through readings LMFAO.

Also thank you for the birthday wish :D [desperately hoping nothing else horrible happens this weekend please god]

Anyway qPhil headcanons masterlist let's go

Disclaimer that I didn't know of Fit before QSMP (I've only been in mcyt for 4 years monkaS) so these are gonna be largely pulled out of my ass and a lil repetitive.

These two both have experiences in anarchy and war, they've definitely brushed shoulders a couple times bc of it

They admired each other's work ofc. Phil is a macro scale kinda guy, total annihilation and victory that makes a statement. Fit's more of a micro scale kinda guy, zeroing in on one person or group individually and making their lives hell until the end in the name of surviving a little longer

On that note, I think we all sleep a little bit on the fact that Fit is Also a survivalist like Phil, just in a very different set of high stakes conditions. These two are equally skilled in it and equally sharp strategists

On that note, anyone who knew them from the past would fear the idea of them coming together to create a plan of any kind, especially of the anarchist-fueled variety. If the Federation has done their research right, they should know full well how terrifying this duo could be in an effort to dismantle their authority

Btw by brushing shoulders I don't just mean brief passings by, I mean they've like. Camped out for a night together, temporarily truced for the sake of safety in numbers, etc. More than a few conversations have been had even if the time they've spent together totals to less than a week.

However, even when they weren't actively paired together, they'd still occasionally trade or gift each other surplus resources. It was a genuine kind act, even if it simultaneously served as a reason for each of them to not come after the other. I scratch your back, you scratch mine.

Like why do you think Fit was one of the first threats on Phil's mind in Purgatory. He Knew(tm). And he knew Fit has an affinity for picking off the weak first, like a lion after a herd of antelope. To him, Purgatory was the awakening of a monster who'd been dormant for a long time.

See, present day they're QPR as fuck, they'd never do this now without 10x the pressure Purgatory put on them, but back in the day they took close notes on each other's strengths and weaknesses. Just In Case, yknow? They could very much kill each other. Back in the day they would've if it came to it, no matter how good an ally they were.

Something about how these two used to be so cold and hard to the world. Be it to self-preserve or some other reason. Something about how now they've both softened and warmed after becoming parents. They never could've imagined the other would "weaken" like this, especially back then.

Phil 🤝🏻 Fit - Phil being a historian of the deities/builds of his Hardcore World, Fit being a historian of 2B2T

A lot of this boils down to mutual respect, common interests, and secret admiration tbh. And what's more homoerotic than that?

They're both crisis preppers. Not doomsday type shit, just. Being ready for shit to hit the fan. They both come from places where life is significantly more dangerous than it is in other realms.

The crazy thing is though? Despite the above, they can't imagine being from each other's realms. Phil would LOATHE 2B2T and Fit would hate the absoluteness of Hardcore. Isolation is absolute, death is absolute. There's no wiggle room or margin for error.

With how adaptive the two of them are due to their origins, they could probably acclimate to any conditions. They'd complain about having to, especially if it was inconvenient, but they could. They used to swap tips & tricks with each other on how to improve their adaptability too.

Fit would've 100% been down to join Phil on Doomsday in DSMP. He was thoroughly impressed when Phil told him the story.

[happiness-of-the-pursuit]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Thanks to @kiwiana-writes for the tag!! I did this back in like... October, and a LOT has changed since then lol

How many works do you have on ao3?

29

What's your total ao3 word count?

299,988 (though this includes 110,000 from the co-written PJO AU and 2,000 words from Manu's fic that I podficced to)

What fandoms do you write for?

Only RWRB for now, though never say never to others. I recently read Check, Please! and I've had some thoughts, but I have far too many WIPs for RWRB to write them rn. Also I have some ideas for The Pairing, but again, I have... so many RWRB wips...

Top five fics by kudos:

Longer Than Most | 26K, trans Henry accidental pregnancy (also this is how I found out it had become my top kudos-ed fic AH)

The Super Six Take a Lie Detector Test | Vanity Fair | 7K, YouTube interview

Let Me inside (I Want to Get to Know You) | 6K, epistolary roommates

Claremont 2008 | 28K, canon divergence where Ellen gets elected in 2008, childhood friends to lovers

(Dil)Do It Yourself | 17K, meet cute at a DIY dildo workshop

Do you respond to comments?

I really try to. But. I have gotten quite behind recently. I would love to catch up but it's just a bit overwhelming at the moment.

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I don't really have any angsty endings?? but a fic @affectionatelyrs and I are working on is going to have an ambiguous ending and my joke is that someone should the version of it where things take the angsty route

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I mostly write happy endings, but I am going to say that Let Me inside (I Want to Get to Know You) is the happiest because it's kinda the tropiest

Do you get hate on fics?

Not hate, but I've gotten one or two weird comments, or comments asking about updates.

Do you write smut?

I do! (this is one of the things that's changed since the fall)

Craziest crossover:

The closest I've gotten to a crossover is the PJO AU, but that's not even an actual crossover.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nope.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes!! Super Six and the Siren's Call with @inexplicablymine and @read-and-write- was the first, and then I wrote Let Me inside (I Want to Get to Know You) with @affectionatelyrs. I also did the podficcing of the voice notes for love has a voice (and it's yours) by Manu. I've also got a couple more projects coming up with Jamie also.

All time favorite ship?

Well that I've written for, FirstPrince :)

What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Unfortunately I don't know if I'll ever finish Baby's First Pride because I've grown a ton as a writer since then and I would want to redo the old chapters and that just isn't all the compelling to me anymore...

What are your writing strengths?

I fucking hate this question. But I am going with dialogue and humor (and humorous dialogue) which has been co-signed by others so I feel less weird about saying this.

What are your writing weaknesses?

I would like to be able to keep smut more concise at times, because it always turns into a Big Scene but it doesn't always need to be a Big Scene. And I've been trying to work on a particular style of writing which is a bit more uhhh snappy? I don't know how to describe it. But that's still a huge work in progress, because I always get more rambly than I want.

Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

I definitely try to include it for the characters in RWRB who speak other languages, and when I do I lean on my friends who speak those languages as a native speaker.

First fandom you wrote in?

Officially: RWRB. For myself: HP.

Favorite fic you've written?

Honestly it's always whatever I'm working on at the moment, which is a couple of WIPs: Fire Island WIP, Parasocial Relationship AU with @affectionatelyrs, and my Big Bang fic come to mind.

But really I want to know what y'all's favorite fic of mine is!!!!

I'll tag 20 people, sorry if anyone's done this recently, but in case anyone wants to go again: @mainstreamelectricalparade @14carrotghoul @anincompletelist @littlemisskittentoes @gay-flyboys

and @songliili @gayrootvegetable @leojfitz @welcometololaland @rmd-writes

and @bigassbowlingballhead @eusuntgratie @captainjunglegym @cactusdragon517 @cricketnationrise

and @violetbaudelaire-quagmire @bribumblebee @nocoastposts @magicandarchery @itsmaybitheway!!!

[sadistic-softie]

Bro. I am so bad at taking care of myself that I undid half the fucking progress of physical therapy by not keeping up with the exercises when I stopped going. I did them for like, a few days, then stopped for a few weeks. I was gonna do them yesterday and only did a third of them before giving up. I'm literally starting to walk funny again and it takes me for fucking ever to climb stairs and I couldn't be bothered to give enough of a fuck to do something about it for long enough to build an exercise habit. I'm gonna need a fucking cane to walk because of my inability to take care of my own fucking health. I'm gonna be the only fucking person under 30 who fucking walks with a cane because I just fucking sit on my ass almost every time I don't have anything important to do because none of my hobbies require much physical activity except for dancing but I can't dance for longer than 2 minutes without fucking dying. Do you know how embarrassing that's gonna be? Apparently I fucking will. I hate myself so fucking much. I'm too young for this shit. I have fucking chronic pain because my muscles are too weak from being really shitty at working out and not being able to run because of my exercise induced asthma. I used to work out with my own personal routine I made from doing research to help myself lose weight and build strength. I did it every fucking week day for a few years because I was gaining wait. The routine didn't work and helped with nothing. I actually gained more weight. Then I got fucking COVID and my asthma got fucking worse so I can't exercise enough and walking doesn't make up for it. I only lost weight when I starved myself and everyone congratulating and encouraging me has no idea that that's how I really did it. The only thing I have left that can save my body is those fucking physical therapy activities, and yet, I don't even fucking do them. I'm just pissed off at myself rn lol.

[foggyparadisecandy]

So much I want to say again.

K if you read this, well ... I guess it doesn't matter any more. You've heard everything I have to say a hundred times and it wasn't enough. So maybe this is a goodbye note. I hope not.

I will always be here for you and you know that. I hope that brings you comfort even if you never reach out again.

You have options even if you can't see them atm. You control your destiny. Remember it.

It's a core strength of yours. You've temporarily forgotten it. You are hurting horribly. I see it and it bothers me so much. I am not your savior. I know that. You are your savior. You will be your savior. You just have to remember who you are - the woman I fell for.

Strong. Capable. Self-driven. Good. Caring. Sharp. You are a good person. I know you will find your way. I believe in you and I'm no dummy so ... maybe think on that for awhile. Maybe it's all true ... maybe you are an ass-kicker? Worth considering, right?

It's ok and you're going to be ok. I know that and have faith in you. Even if you don't. lol

I dislike how you gave up control of your life to be on autopilot to mask your pain. I dislike it ... but I understand it. I feel for you.

Find your way back to your core strengths.

I want to say stop abandoning yourself but it's a shit statement. It implies you know who you are and I'm not sure that's true atm. That's why you are giving in to escapist stuff, on the go.

Do your best to pause. Remember the river. The warm water washing away your worries. Find yourself in your river in the center of your mind. Relax there.

Meditate. Use that to quiet your mind. Skip the weed - it’s not doing you any good atm :( I know how hard it is for you rn - please be strong and heal.

Explore your feelings - I know you are dealing wish some serious bullshit but explore them. Look into Anxious Attachment style healing.

Be ok with expressing your needs. No one worthwhile will reject you or abandon you if you express yourself. Don't suffer quietly in anxiety.

Lol.

Look at me lecture and give advice again. Whatever. IDC - you said you always loved it so I won't judge myself for caring and sharing. And fuck do I still love and care for you. I think you love me too. And I get it - it seems impossible for you atm to find space for me. It’s not really impossible. It only seems that way because you are hurting.

Relationships can morph and evolve. Good people are worth finding ways to keep in our lives. I know … I know … It's so complicated and messy, isn't it?

I really wish you had included me in your decision. Once again, I was shut out. I'm sorry I wasn't more approachable. I feel like I let you down in so many ways. Ugh. It hurts tbh. It really fucking hurts. I'll be ok though - don't worry.

Keep an eye on your subconscious. It needs to be watched like a hawk - it doesn't seem to be your best friend tbh. I would honestly say it actively wants you to suffer. That's a fucking harsh statement and I'm probably way off-base but ... I think it's correct.

Your parents are behind you and can no longer harm you. But they've wired your identity to hurt. Recognize it. Heal. Remember who you are: strong, capable, a fighter.

Nobody wants you to hurt. You don't have to hurt. Choose to heal. You are a good person. Find that truth … because it is the truth.

It's extremely hard for loved ones to push me away ... and yet here we are. How in the world did you pull that off? Lol

But despite your efforts, I'll always be here for you. Haha

Well ... maybe not here, but you know how to find me.

No different than before, my feelings are consistent. My offers are genuine. My love is deep.

I ... am so ... empty atm ... lol.

Goodbye everyone - maybe not permanently - knowing me I'll be back in a few days.

Tumblr is not good for me. I would have left sooner but K insisted on using Tumblr's chat so ... like her good puppy dog, I stuck around here.

Hypno is not doing it for me. I think I'm still a pretty good tist lol but I've lost my passion for it.

I like the idea of finding a new good girl to have fun with but ... also ... I'm just not right atm. As much as I wish I was. I need to sort shit out and figure out motivations. I don't want to hurt anyone else and I don't want to be hurt.

The real problem is ... everything on this blog was for K. A long-ass love letter to her. And I don’t regret a second of the energy and time I put into it. She is worth it and more.

But now … she’s gone. So ... I guess I am too. For now.

Empty.

[herogardn]

rambling abt my ideas for terios bc if i don't put them somewhere i might explode.  under the cut bc it got longer than intended and i feel cringe LMAO

anyway basic idea i have is like.  G.U.N. taking whatever research of shadow's creation that even exists anymore n trying to make their own kinda shadow to have as a personal lapdog.  akin to eggman having metal sonic.  does it make sense ?  no but i really don't care.  i could go down the  "  was made after the biolizard but before shadow  "  route but couldn't begin to tell u what happened with him for 50+ years n why they'd have Two hedgehogs in stasis yk.  always open to more ideas tho !

continuing on my idea of his lore is like.  wow they made a hedgehog !  n everythings fine training it is going fine everything is Okay.  until it's not.  until he starts questioning.  wondering why he exists why he was created n for what reason.  self - awareness that no one was prepared for.  he never gets direct answers n keeps going through training and tests.  eventually learns that he was created to be their weapon and nothing more.  a replacement for what shadow was supposed to be for them.  have Some hedgehog to have control over.  bro is Not a fan of that !  so one day he kinda just has enough n escapes.  grandiose n everything.  there's injuries as it happens,  himself included  (  hence the scar over the eye  ) ,  but no casualties.

n rn he's on the run n evading G.U.N. who are out n about trying to catch him n get him back  (  he does not want to go back  ) .  while he's doing that tho he's really trying to learn abt the world he's yet to experience n try to figure out who he is n what his purpose is,  bc he does Not want to just be a weapon !  that sorta thing.

n then a buncha misc other things abt him !

he has similar quills to sonic's but they're longer and angle more downward,  alongside the white rings being around the ends of his quills.

he was designed with power and durability in mind,  n less a cure for illnesses like shadow was.  while he does have higher than average durability and regeneration,  it's not perfect,  as he gets the scar during his escape from G.U.N.

he wears inhibitor rings  (  i wouldn't even really consider them rings but idk what else to really call them LMAO  )  similarly to shadow,  but they're also very heavy n weigh him down.  his physical strength is comparible to knuckles or bark due to this :]

he's quicker than average despite being weighed down,  but should he ever remove his rings his speed and strength would dramatically increase  (  tho still wouldn't be faster than sonic or shadow  )

he doesn't possess any sort of disdain for shadow or humanity as a whole,  but does strongly dislike G.U.N. he doesn't even wanna be Associated with them.

in fact he doesn't even know abt shadow,  sonic,  or anyone else in the series.  he only knows of their names and that's it.

he can come off as very blunt and aloof,  and appears intimidating considering the resting bitch face he always has,  but actually isn't as bad as he appears.  he's still figuring himself out,  personality included !

very very very socially inept.  him escaping from G.U.N. was literally the first time he's ever been outside or even Seen the outside world.  he doesn't know how to express himself be nice to him.

he genuinely really wants to learn abt the world n the people that inhabit it.  he wants to learn in general.  he wants to figure out who he is and what his purpose is.  give himself a reason to exist besides just being a manmade weapon.

doesn't really want to fight but will when he needs to.  verrrrry very very strong n knows how to fight.  probably knows how to use chaos spear but thats abt it.

literally.  just a guy.  a dude,  even !

speaking of he's agender and uses he / it.  he / him preferred but accustomed to it / it's due to being referred to with that when first created.

tallllllll tall tall probs around 3'8" love me my tall hedgehogs.

probably got his cloak sometime after his escape :]  helps him be a Little harder to find

removed all his reds from his original design bc i associate that with being from black arms dna in shadow and terios does Not have said dna u__u

anyway thats all i got rn.  if i get anything else ill add onto this n if i feel confident enough i might seriously consider adding him as a muse abhHJBCSDJH feel free to ask any questions if u got em

[dndidgaf]

I never get asks, so i'm just gonna answer them all. Wall of text, my answers under the cut

PLAYER

Race: I don't think that I've ever played a common race before. I default to uncommon/homebrew races for better roleplay.

Class: Rogue....... Maybe Artificer.

Playtest: I'm going into a new campaign, and I can't wait to try out the Chaneler class (I definitely spelled that wrong). I can't remember who it's by.

Party Comp: Sometimes. If my party is really tanky and gets themselves on the brink of death a lot, I might consider being a Cleric or Bard. On the other hand, if my party is mostly spellcasters, I might take on the role of tank. In both cases, I only do it in drastic situations. My usual character is an ambush, stealthy, works behind the scenes kind of character. Level One: I heard about it through friends and we make a group. They really helped me out in making a character, and it was a fun first session. Horrible character build and usage on my part though. Skill: I'm good at roleplay and combat, although I find combat more fun. I guess I would say that my specialty is teamwork. I look at my party's strengths and weaknesses and work around and with them. I also usually work better with smaller groups. I do add flair into combat though, like that time I sliced that priest in half and peeled him like a banana.

Scheduling: Long campaigns, by far. Oneshots are fun, but the angst that comes with longer campaigns takes the cake.

Feat: I roll my dice until they hit a low number, preferably under 5. I then keep that die untouched until I need to roll something important, then use the die. Rolls high every time. I always forget to do it though.

Nat 20: My friend AJ (player) rolled a 27 (19 + 8) on a deception check trying to convince an NPC that they don't exist. Charlie (the character) went invisible and all proof of their existence was wiped from the face of the earth. NPCs and PCs alike had no memory of Charlie. Charlie stayed non-existent for the rest of the session until at a critical battle, where they scored a crit against the enemy (not quite the big bad, but close) and was the reason we won the fight.

Initiative: In my next campaign (I'm the DM), I've planted a traitor. This traitor is going to kill a child. I can't wait to roleplay the child being killed by her role model, who is a scummy, greasy, rat man. I can't wait to kill my players' hearts.

Crit Fail: Somehow, no. I've come close, but I've never had a character death.

Diamond: No resurrection. My party's character deaths have all been before anyone had access to the Revivify spell. After that, we could handle ourselves enough that we didn't need it.

Backup: I have a binder full of cool characters that could fit into any situation, but I usually have at least 3 backup characters specifically for one campaign. Don't judge, I get bored easily.

Dungeon Court: Back when I was a kid, my dad tried to run a dnd game with the rest of the immediate family, which consisted of my mom, me, and my brother. Thing is, my dad didn't know anything about how DnD works, and he was drunk and high. That was not a fun game.

Dice: I have a horrible dice curse. Any dice that I touch or are on my person for more than 10 minutes doesn't roll higher than a 10. Expensive dice tend to roll better. Once I get a new set, I immediately hold it over a candle and chant "Natural Twenty" for 10 minutes while the candle is surrounded by crystals and flowers. After this, I leave it on the Dice Altar, highest side up, for a week. This usually rids it of it's curse temporarily. For a typical set, I have to renew it every month. Considering that I'm a dice goblin and that I own over 50 sets (I can't afford more :')) , I set aside a day to purify all my dice sets and rotate them on the altar.

DUNGEON MASTER

Leveling: I start my party at 3-5, depending on experience. I use milestones; it's good motivation to stay on the plot. I'm DMing for 7th level players rn.

Prep: I get the bare bones of the story all written out, then just improvise and wing it. It goes better that way. Less DM Depression.

Screen: Character sheets of PCs and NPCs, dice, laptop for homebrew, and speakers for ambiance and music.

TPK: Yes, unfortunately. I decided to let all characters come back as reborn, which saved the party, kept some continuity, and added some good roleplay.

Session Zero: I usually ask players for two flaws and one secret. This keeps things interesting, as I can exploit these. It makes inspiration easier to give. I also love horror campaigns, so I usually ask players what their boundaries or triggers are. I want my players to have fun, so I do what I can to make that happen.

Homebrew: I love making magic items or finding them on tumblr. I use a lot of the stuff people put out. I also have an initiative system where players in blocks of five (1-5, 6-10, 11-15, 16-20, 20-25, you get the jist) take their turns together. It makes combat more fun and dynamic.

CHARACTER

My character's name is Doodle. He is a warforged rogue that escaped from a facility known as A.R.G.O. He was never told what the acronym means. He wears a red scarf and a beige handkerchief over his right eye from a past injury.

Background: He usually uses his time on self-maintenance. Tighten loose screws, fix oil leaks, adjust lenses, buff or replace plating. After an accident with his lens caused it to give him shattered vision and migraines for about two months, he's not taking the chances again. He also loves talking to another PC named Charlie (same one as before)

Vibe: Doodle is the polite one of the group. In social interactions, he ends up becoming a voice of reason. He has anger issues though, and he tries to conceal them, but his only coping mechanism is killing. He was made for it, after all. Our party doesn't discuss dynamics, but I wish we did.

Downtime: We don't get much downtime in game. We usually hop from one adventure to the next, trying to stop the big bad as fast as possible. In his few spare moments, he meditates to calm his anger. Sometimes this doesn't work very well though, so he has to resort to... other means.

Secret: For context, Doodle was kidnapped by the big bad and a clone replaced him. Doodle was tortured, and it scarred him for life. He is merciless in battle, like he is trying to pay back the pain that was inflicted on him. Anger is replacing is fear, and he disgusts himself. Doodle acts nonchalant, but he is secretly resentful that his party members didn't notice and left him to be tortured for weeks.

Heart: He hopes for a better life. One where he doesn't have to fight. That faint linger of hope is what keeps him going. This is easily used against him, though.

End: His perfect ending would be to defeat the ARGO company, settle down, and find family. He is aro/ace, so he isn't interested in marriage or children, but he still loves the idea of spending time with his friend's children.

If you've gotten this far, thanks for reading! It means a lot

d&d player asks

FOR THE PLAYER

Race: What's your favorite race to play? Is there a race you default to or play more often?

Class: What's your favorite class to play?

Playtest: What class (or subclass) do you want to try out?

Party Comp: Do you think about party composition while building a character? What role do you usually fill in your party, if any?

Level One: What was your first experience with D&D? How did you hear about it? What was your first game like?

Skill: Do you prefer RP, combat, or something else? Is there a part of the game you consider yourself best at?

Scheduling: Do you prefer to play in long campaigns, oneshots, or something in between?

Feat: What's one habit, trick, tip, etc. you picked up from another player?

Nat 20: What's the most memorable RP scene you've been a part of?

Initiative: What's an RP scene you're looking forward to playing?

Crit Fail: Have you ever had a character death? What happened?

Diamond: Have you ever participated in a character resurrection (for your own character or someone at the table)? What happened?

Backup: Do you design backup characters? What's your process? Have you ever had to use one?

Dungeon Court: What's the worst D&D experience you've ever had?

Dice: Do you have any dice rituals? Preferences? Collections? Does such thing as dice luck really exist?

FOR THE DM

Leveling: What's your ideal starting party level? What leveling system do you use? What level are your currently (or did you most recently) DMing for?

Prep: How much prep work do you do? How far out do you prep?

Screen: What do you usually keep behind your DM screen?

TPK: Have you ever had a game go completely off the rails? TPK? How did you adjust?

Session Zero: Is there anything specific you ask your players to have before you start playing (e.g. a secret about their character, a backstory event, etc.)?

Homebrew: Do you have any table rules or homebrews you use? What are they?

FOR THE CHARACTER (A/N: You may want to specify a character for these!)

Background: Does your PC get up to anything that you don't narrate often? Any background habits, activities, plots? Do you share these through other avenues (e.g. a group chat, table cross-talk, posting online)?

Vibe: How does your character get along with the party? Does your group talk about party dynamics outside the game?

Downtime: What does your character do in their downtime? How do you bring this up during gameplay?

Secret: Is there anything that you know about your character but your character doesn't know? What is it? How did you come up with this secret?

Heart: What drives your character? Do they have a theme, question, mission, etc. that they're holding onto? How did you pick it for them?

End: What's the ideal ending for your character's story and the game? Are these the same, or different?

[adakechi]

thank you @deathclassic for the tag <3

i cant put a read more on tumblr ipad what the fuck

1. Do you post on Ao3? If so, how many works do you have on AO3? If not, where do you post?

i dont post art there, but i do post fic.

2. What is your total art count?

I have been drawing digitally since I was 8 (traditionally even longer), it's well into the thousands. Maybe even tens of thousands.

3. What are your top 5 pieces by likes/kudos?

I have no idea, I just know my most liked piece is a tie between a P5 valentines day comic and a really old Buzzfeed Unsolved shitpost.

4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try, but I'm not great at it. ADHD brain.

5. What is your current fandom, and what was the first fandom you drew for?

I'm all over the fucking place rn, mostly Star Wars, Scott the Woz, Umbrella Academy, Adventure Time. My first was Sonic the Hedgehog. :)

6. Have you ever received hate on any art?

Bestie I had THREE separate hate accounts dedicated to me on instagram back in the day.

7. What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t drawn for yet but want to?

Stonathan from Stranger Things, do more Adventure Time stuff, uhhhhhh,,, honestly idk.

8. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Shuake/Akeshu.

9. Do you draw outside of fandom?

Not as much as I'd like, but I'm working on an original horror graphic novel so.

10. What’s the an art piece you’ve drawn that came out completely differently than you expected?

Hmmmmm. This one changed like eight times.

11. Do you draw smut?

Not as often now, but sometimes.

12. Have you ever had any of your art stolen or copied?

A lot more in the past, not so much nowadays. I don't mind tracing or reposting anyway, so I don't really keep track.

13. Have you ever collaborated on a piece?

A long long time ago!

14. What’s an idea you have that you have yet to draw?

I have about 636372 STW ideas rattling in my skull right now.

15. What are your drawing strengths?

Honestly? I don't think I have many. I dislike my art a lot and think I struggle far too much. I guess I'm okay with hands, if I HAD to pick.

16. What are your drawing weaknesses?

Faces, perspective, light source, legs, proportions, fluidity, environments, consistency, line weight.

17. What’s your favorite art piece you’ve drawn?

This is the only thing I think I've drawn in the past 2 years that I didn't just like but loved.

18. What is one thing you’d like to tell people about your art that they might not know?

I don't know what I'm doing, ever. I went to college for this and really I'm still just winging it.

19. What inspires or motivates you to create for fandom?

As fucked up as you may see this, honestly, a big reason is I like the attention. I like interacting with people who find something in my work, it's nice and I like the validation, sue me.

20. And finally, can you describe your process a little? Do you have a favourite place to draw? Do you play something in the background? Do you do research or just go for it? Give us a little insight:

I like to draw on the couch, or in bed. I used to draw in the most uncomfortable position ever, which was on my fucking stomach with a pillow under my jaw. Pre-iPad, I drew at my desk with my Wacom Bamboo tablet. And it depends! Sometimes I'll listen to music, other times I'll put on a YouTube essay or something. Beforehand, I work out a few thumbnails, then open Safari or Pinterest for references. :P

If you're an artist, feel free to do this if you'd like!

[athenamikaelson]

I'm wildin with this one rn. It's okay if you don't want to write it! Klaus Mikaelson x reader who can't get hurt (if that makes sense??) The Mikaelsons get kidnapped, reader comes for them and gets stabbed pretty badly but they just go "I mean that's fair." and keep going and later at night they're all just trying to process and Klaus spends the night with them asking a million questions?

Klaus Mikaelson x Reader

Request- I'm wildin with this one rn. It's okay if you don't want to write it! Klaus Mikaelson x reader who can't get hurt (if that makes sense??) The Mikaelsons get kidnapped, reader comes for them and gets stabbed pretty badly but they just go "I mean that's fair." and keep going and later at night they're all just trying to process and Klaus spends the night with them asking a million questions?

 Warnings- Kol being a dumbass, swearing, blood.

Word Count- 1,342

Walking into the witch’s quarter I’m surrounded by tombstones and mausoleums. Looking at my phone again to see if Nik had responded to any of my texts or call. Nothing. Great.

Not that Nik, or any of the other Mikaleon’s would answer giving the fact that the witches had something to do with their disappearance. 

When I had first realized they were all missing I had tried calling all of them, even Kol who doesn’t even know how to use his phone. That’s how desperate I was. When I couldn’t find where they went I did a location spell that led me here. As Nik says, “Dead or alive witches are a pain in my ass.” He would always look at me after he said it though and tell me I was an exception. Not that I always believed him though. I know I’m a pain in his ass. But for some reason he still loves me. That really doesn’t help my god complex.

Walking through the rows of graves I try to close in my hearing to notice anything out of the ordinary. I am in a graveyard so that doesn’t really help. I continue walking for what feels like hours, when in reality it’s probably been like 5 minutes. Goddamn I hate exercise, Nik is lucky I like him. 

“To our ancestors we pray, please take this sacrifice and give us the strength to defeat our enemies!” I hear coming around the corner of an old grave which must’ve been over 100 years old. I peak around the grave, which just touching it gives me the creeps. Not to my surprise I see a group of maybe 7 witches surrounding an altar. Fucking extremists. Why can’t they find a different hobby other than sacrificial murders? What did catch me by surprise though was the whole of the Mikaelson gang chained up against the walls. Jesus Christ that’s impressive. I mean chaining up ALL of the Mikealson clan. That takes some balls. 

“You know darling, if you’d just unchain me now I’ll consider not ripping your spine out and strangling you.” Kol’s voice broke the silence. I visually roll my eyes. Classic Kol.

The witch who seems to be around mid 50’s, the eldest of the group I presume, walks up to Kol and puts what appears to be a necklace with a ruby like gem on the end, in Kol’s face. 

“As long as I have this gem darling, you and your bastard family aren’t going anywhere.” The witch mockingly says. Which earns a growl and pulling his chains from Kol. 

“This is ridiculous, you psychotic witches. Unchain us now or I swear to-” Nik yells at the witch. 

“You’ll what? What will you do Niklaus. You’ll yell? Pull on those chains? Tell me, what will the bastard child do?” That bitch snarckingly says. Oh I know that bitch didn’t just say what I thought she said. Ok I’m killing this bitch. I can’t take on 7 witches by myself though. I need my man. I just need to get that damn necklace from that old bag. Shouldn’t be hard enough. 

I walk behind the columns to the other side where Nik and his family are chained up. 

“Hey babe.” I whisper to Nik. Nik whips his head around and his eyes visibly widen when he notices me so I just send him a big smile. 

“Y/N? What the bloody hell-” Nik is about to question me before I press my finger to stop him from talking and press my other finger to my lips to signal to him to shut up. 

“I’m saving the day.” I smile as I walk out of the shadows to the old witch. Múltiple, “Y/N?”’s come from the Mikaelsons while just a laugh comes from Kol.

Oh shit I didn’t bring a weapon. I look around quickly before I see Bekah kick a large metal poker at me. Picking it up and sending her a smile I walk up behind the bitchy witch. 

“I know you didn’t call my boyfriend a bastard, you whore.” Before she can fully turn around I whip the poker at her and hit her in the face, knocking her down. Which unfortunately gets the attention of the other witches. I quickly rip the necklace of her neck and freeze. 

“Fuck. What do I do with this?” 

“Break it love. Bloody hell do I have to do everything?” 

“Shut it Kol, also.. thanks.” I throw the necklace on the ground and stomp my foot on it, breaking it into pieces. 

In a second all the Mikaelsons rip off their chains. The younger witches all freeze, scared expressions on their faces. Ha. I’m about to turn and hug Nik who starts to walk my way before I feel something hit my stomach. I feel a sudden pain and my shirt starts to dampen. I reach my hand down and pull it back to see it covered in blood. I look up to see Nik looking at my stomach before he looks at me, frozen. 

“Well I guess that’s fair.” Everything goes black.

I woke up surrounded by darkness. I try to get my eyes to relax to my surroundings but nothing happens. My mind is foggy until I remember the blood. I reach down to see that I’m in one of Nik’s shirts. I pull it up to look at my stomach, which is covered in dried blood. But no wounds. I throw my legs over the bed and walk towards the door. Light bombards my eyes as I peer down the hallway. I can hear voices coming from the dining hall as I make my way down there.

Nik and his family are all sitting in different areas drinking red liquids. Which doesn’t take a genius to figure out what that was.

“Hello Mikaelsons, I LIVED!” I make myself present to the vamps. Elijah and Nik both stand up and look at me worriedly, while Rebekah sat there with a questionable look and Kol was sitting smirking in the corner. 

“Y/n, you must still be tired and sore. I believe it would be best if you went back to sleep.” Elijah tried to reason with me as he started to walk towards me. I quickly stopped him with a raise of my hand. 

“Eli I’m fine. I am doing good. Walking and shit, you know. I’m feeling fire.” I walk past Eli and sit down next to Bekah which gets me a smile thrown at me and a disapproving look from Elijah as he comes to sit down back in his seat. Nik just stands in the same spot looking me over. His eyes held longer on my stomach where my wound was. 

“Y/n, come with me please.” Nik starts to walk upstairs before I can object.

When I make it up to our shared bedroom I barely have a second before Nik’s arms wrap around me surrounding me in a hug. 

“You scared me.” His eyes come to meet mine, I nearly break down when I see tears breaching the edges of his eyes.

“Hey, I’m fine now baby. I’m ok.” I reach up to brush away the tears threatening to fall onto his cheeks. 

“When I saw you fall to the floor I thought my world would end right there.” I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss his nose.

“You really think you can get rid of me that quickly?” A hurt look crosses NIk’s face after I say that. 

“How could you even joke like that? I mean you alway make these jokes after bad things happen? God you’re so much like Kol. And the thing you said when you got stabbed! Most people would scream or cry. You just made a sarcastic comment.”

“I don’t know man. I’m built differently I guess.” I quickly press a kiss to his lips which he quickly returns before I pull away. Confusion crosses his face. 

‘Don’t. Ever. Tell. Me. I’m like Kol.”

[shtern-and-art]

I have more questions because it's no longer 4am lmao.

Does Skeppy fear any animals? I just wanna know if there's any sweet moments of Skeppy clinging to Bad whilst he tries to calm him down.

I'm guessing Bad still hates things like littering and woodcutters but would he ever act particularly strongly about it or would he have more control?

I like how Rat seems to tolerate Skeppy because Bad likes him but would she ever get jealous if Skeppy started pettting another dog?

I have a horrifying image of Bad just spider climbing up a tree to fetch Skeppy. I don't know why but I feel like dude wouldn't even need branches lmao.

What other supernatural creatures/people do they come across? Were there any that were especially dangerous and did they befriend any?

Is Bad much physically stronger than Skeppy? I keep thinking of Skeppy being a little shaz and Bad just one-arm picking him up and slinging him over his shoulder XD.

Does Bad ever get nightmares of the day he became the forest spirit?

How far would Skeppy take stealing? Would he steal something he knows the owner has genuine attachment to? Would he do everything in his power to steal something for Bad even if it means getting hurt?

Who's more likely to protect the other?

Skeppy just minding his business looking at one of Bad's textbooks, turns his head and Bad's just having a tea party with a freaking bear. Surprised the man hasn't had a heart attack yet XD.

What's your favourite thing to imagine them doing?

Is Bsd an adrenaline junky? Or is he scared of more dangerous things like bungee jumping and mountain climbing.

What would their reactions be to rollercoasters?

Do they have a favourite date-night activity?

Everytime I think of this au it brightens my mood!! Thank you for making something so heartwarming!! <3

Glad to see you again :D And yaay, questions!

My pen pressure broke again, I can't finish any sketches for this ask rn, but here's a couple of old messy designs.

1) Comforting and nightmares

Skeppy has a normal, I’d even say adequate level of fear towards wild animals, whilst Bad has it in negative numbers. And, yes, this fun juxtaposition leads to a lot of unfortunate moments of Skeppy nearly dying from heart attack when some of Bad’s animal friends show up unexpectedly, or Bad goes all out for his tea-parties with wild bears or smth.

So, yes, sometimes the comforting hugs are necessary! And no, none of them ever play up the dramaticness of the situation just to drag out the nice comforting moment They do n o t. That’d be very silly and unnecessary, and will deserve a lot of teasing. So, it’s all serious. Not only for the first couple minutes. Yes.

But If you’re looking for comfort-after-actual-hurt – Bad does have to hold and comfort Skeppy, when the stress of trying to not fuck up the good stuff around him gets too strong. And after the nightmares where they are hated and chased by people. Those dreams do not come often, but when they do, Bad is there to hold Skeppy, whisper in his hair that he is alright, that they’re both alright, and that they can handle everything that’s going on right now.

And Bad himself, well. After leaving the town, his nightmares about the night of the ritual stopped almost completely. They come rarely, only when the anxiety gets really bad. Before, in the forest, Bad had them pretty often. It’s one of the reasons he mostly slept not as himself, but in the minds of the animals.

2) Littering

Bad will not maim someone for not getting a candy wrapper in a trashcan, especially if there are people around. But if someone leaves a big mess in the nature, or even (*gasp*) does it regularly, Bad can and will try and teach them a lesson. As in: pull a cautionary (and probably slightly terrifying) prank on the misbehaving person.

It doesn’t always work out as Bad intended, and may even scare some people off anything relating to nature for good, but, according to Bad, it’s still “a fun and useful little hobby to have :3”.

3) Rat

Rat takes a looong time to warm up to any other animals that infringe on her territory. And Skeppy might be a little shit (and his own rights for Bad are debatable) but he is Rat’s territory still (by approximation from Bad). So, she can gatekeep Skeppy a little bit. Not as much as she does Bad, but the man gotta know his place – Rat comes before other dogs for him too.

4) Tree climbing and strength

Oh, Bad can an will climb down a tree like a full-on creepy creature he is: head down, using only his claws, with Skeppy tucked under one arm. Maybe not even upside down, if Skeppy is lucky, and wasn’t too annoying about wanting to stay up on the tree for the night :D

5) Meeting other spn creatures

Oh, that’s a big question (: Yes, they do meet other cryptids, befriend some, and get in trouble with some, and deal with a handful of new and old spn troubles :D

I always thought that Bad and Skeppy’s life after the main story can make a series of short stories (or one big episodic one) dealing with exactly that: the guys traveling around, meeting other cryptids, learning more about themselves and the world, trying to build a life between human and supernatural crisis going on. Just like In The Dark it can based on the mix between the real life and the minecraft-verse events.

I wanted to focus more on finishing the main story first, though, so these stories are not as sought through, I didn’t even write down any of them yet :D

But if you have more concrete questions, ideas, or suggestions (about a specific person, or a specific thing happening) – write me, I’ll think about it, and how it can work with the theme and worldbuilding I have in mind.

6) Stealing + Protectiveness

Skeppy can sometimes forget about, ahem, moral principles, or human decency… emphasis oh “human”. He’s nature and different worldview it gives, it seeps through in his life and actions even more with age. Especially after he’s been away from actual people for a long while. So, I guess, he might at times steal something that is very important to someone, or do something that could be considered weird or rude in general.

And if Bad really needs something, or is in danger – all rules are down. If there is no one to reality check Skeppy, he might proceed to walk on heads, and commit risky and reckless crimes just to help or save Bad.

They both are quite bad with that, the protecting each other thing. Bad, tho, can be more fiscally violent in his protectiveness.

7) Adrenaline and rollercoasters

Well, it’s not that Bad likes adrenaline specifically, he’s just very curious, likes to try new things, and is almost unkillable. So he can just- just go for everything that’s interesting for him with reckless abandon, and if it goes wrong – welp. Bones can heal limbs can regrow, and the cool abandoned caves will not explore themselves. He’ll have to learn to ease up with lack of selfcare though. Because Bad can’t always leave Skeppy to fend for himself, while he heals, and Skeppy does NOT like seeing Bad getting hurt so much, and not caring about himself at all.

This probably comes back to Bad dealing with his spn nature and learning to make peace between it and himself. And to his anxiety, and unhealthy coping mechanisms.

And hey, it’s the same for Skeppy and his lack of adequate moral compass at times :D

There will be a lot of tension and growing they’d have to do in regards to all this.

Also Skeppy is the one who’s really into chasing the thrills :D Man spent nearly half a year annoying probably-murderous-forest-spirit just for little not-boring fun, jeez :DD

Rollercoasters are a no go, tho. They go up in the air, real high, and, once again, Skeppy and highs do not mix, they do not mingle, they will not have tea parties (with or without bears). Unless, of course, Skeppy really needs to prove something. Then he’ll go on a ride, and die an honorable death, and will never admit he screamed all the way through it.

8) Dates

(*insert an innuendo from Skeppy here*) But, ahm, actually I’d say they love going on picnics: getting food, and hanging around in the nature for a while.

And I honestly donno what I like to think about the most… I just really enjoy the vibe and the atmosphere of the whole story, and how Bad and Skeppy interact in general.

It all is a real delight to write about :D

---

In The Dark - masterpost

[aquarianlights]

I am in a serious financial bind. 😥 If anyone is in a position to listen & help or signal boost, pls keep reading...

This is from my apartment complex. I am in low-income housing. I called them & sent them proof I could pay on the 23rd. I told them I could (just barely) put 100 down now & they said that was too little.

They said they would file for eviction on the 16th, which adds $150 to my rent. They will cancel the court date and eviction on the 23rd when I pay.

But that doesn't cancel the $150 filing fee.

Idk where that $150 would come from. Idky they think it's fair that someone who cannot pay should be forced to pay even more??? That makes no sense. I can only just barely afford my rent every month as is.

These are from my energy company. I apparently owe them over $600. I genuinely do not know how this happened. We were on the phone for a very long time trying to figure it out & I was in tears for the latter portion of it because I swear I paid.

I usually keep record of my payments via taking a picture of my receipt since they are electronic, but my dog chewed up my phone (which I have pics of if need be for evidence) and broke it, so I had to get a replacement phone sent to me from the insurance company & nothing transferred from the old phone, so all my pics were wiped.

I found no record in my emails, either.

The meds I am taking to try to go into remission and the autoimmune disease itself both cause brain fog and issues with time warping, so it is possible maybe I skipped a month or something, but I highly doubt I would have skipped up to 600+ dollars worth of payments.

I have tons of electronic and hard copy calendars & they are all synced and constantly updated so that I know when payments are due. I also have text and email reminders sent to me, but I could find no reminders in my email for MONTHS now until they were telling me they were going to shut my power off if I didn't pay this. Idk why I was not sent reminders for months???

In the end, I agreed to set up a payment plan. Paying, like... 50-60ish on top of whatever my electric bill is every month for 12 months. It was the lowest they could go.

I can barely afford my electric bill as it is, so idk how I will be able to do this? They did give me a list of charities in my area so I will be using what little energy I have to call around & see if any of them would be willing to help me pay this. Idk how those work (they're mostly churches???), so I'm just gonna try & see what happens. 🤔

On top of all that, I *think* this is telling me my Medicaid has been cancelled but I'm not 100% sure?????

I'm going through treatment for a very serious, disabling problem that should last ~1 year and rn Medicaid is picking up what my Medicare doesn't cover and some of my doctors/specialists and treatments are medicaid only.

If I lose this, I'm basically done.

I know they'll do backpay if I get it back, but Idk if I *will* get it back. I'll be trying to get it back, but in the meantime, I guess I'll just have to pay out of pocket, idk??? Which I do not have.

I have lost almost ALL autonomy due to this autoimmune disease, which (in a very simplified form) is basically my immune cells "eating" my muscle tissue. I can barely get out of bed. Treatment should put me in remission & give me my life back. I am seeing a rheumatologist, neurologist, dermatologist, PCP, physical therapist, psychiatrist, psychologist, and going to a holistic pain treatment center that does a different kind of physical therapy to bring down pain levels (which I was put into that program by my rheum). All of these are in relation to & necessary for my disease. I am going through TONS of testing almost weekly now & trying out treatments like IVIG and chemo where I am in the hospital hooked up to an IV for 4-6+ hrs of that day and the cost of those things without Medicaid picking up what Medicare doesn't cover is astronomical. I have to sign waivers every time I get my blood drawn (which is almost weekly now), do tests, and do treatments saying I will pay if Medicaid does not pick up the extra.

I already have crippling medical debt; I don't need more. I'm scared they won't let me do any more tests or treatments if they see I am just letting it all go to collections & am not paying.

This could mean the difference between having a life worth living (to me) where I am happy & thriving & autonomous or being bed-bound & living a life of just existing from day to day & miserable & in pain & suffering & unable to do anything for myself. This is literally life and death for me because I wouldn't be able to handle continuing to live in the latter scenario. I cannot handle living like I am now. Knowing my treatments are progressing is what keeps me going. Knowing I can go into remission is what keeps me going. Knowing my future is one completely different from now is what keeps me going. But if I cannot have that and am destined to live in this current state, it's just not worth it. I don't know a person alive who would want to live like this.

Finally, my anger noodle needs to get to the vet for MULTIPLE things. Nothing is, like... life threatening or super immediate like his cancer was last year, but they're things that need to be addressed in terms of preventative care & to make sure he isn't in pain.

He needs his trachea checked, possibly x-rays for that, maybe more...

He needs some medication updates, needs a physical, needs a full groom & nail clip under anesthesia (for those who are not familiar with Echo, he has extreme fear-based aggression & usually gets this done under anesthesia; since I worked with him so much, he had his first non-anesthesia nail clip at the beginning of quarantine, but he has gotten worse during quarantine & with my muscle eating disease, I can no longer restrain him & don't have the physical strength to run a brush through his thicker fur as his winter coat is in, so I can no longer groom certain areas of him at home, so his tummy & back legs are matted & I fear he may need to be shaved... which breaks my heart since you don't shave double coat dogs unless medically necessary.), he needs a full physical, & needs to be checked over for MCT's.

He may also need a fecal test or something else, as he has been having odd bowel movements. 😥 His tummy has been upset lately.

I have been crying myself to sleep every single night & often during the day because I cannot get him to the vet. No, it isn't urgent or life threatening. But he is reverse sneezing more than normal & I worry about tracheal collapse, which is a common small dog thing & even MORE common in pomeranians specifically. Every time he has a fit, I think "Oh god, this is it. This is the time I'm gonna have to rush him to the e-vet & get slammed with a huge bill & he is not gonna be okay..."

It breaks my heart to see his legs & belly matted. He is horrible about letting me groom him coz of his aggression so he only gets a full grooms at the vet, but I do short grooming sessions at home with him nightly. Takes about 2 hours just to do the majority of one side of him (not even all of it; just most) coz he needs breaks & lots of praise every few strokes or he will tear me to shreds & hurt himself snapping on the undercoat rake. 😥

But now that my autoimmune disease has atrophied my muscles to the point holding up my phone without something to prop it up feels like I am lifting weights & tires my arms out with a lactic acid burn & pain, I can no longer groom him with the patience he needs & can only groom in 20 minute intervals at the VERY longest. By the time I have gotten one leg done during the week, his entire other side is matted. 😞 Matting on dogs---especially double coat dogs---hurts them. It's like if someone were to wrap your hair around their fingers & then pull it taut. It's a constant pulling pressure on their skin... it's painful & irritates the epidermis. I feel miserable feeling the matting on his back legs & tummy & now feeling the mats beginning to form on the rest of him. He hates me working them out, even with the detangling spray. I know it must hurt so much...

So he may need to be shaved at this point & that will destroy me. I feel sick thinking about it. But anything to get him out of pain. Maybe it is what's best for him while I go through this year of treatment & get my muscles back. But in order to do that, I need to get him to the vet.

The stress of not being able to get him to a vet is tearing me apart & literally making me physically ill.

He is my world. My everything. My #1. My heart dog. My priority in life. My entire universe revolves around him. I would do anything for him. Not a single person, animal, thing, etc, comes before him. It is KILLING me that I cannot provide proper care for him right now. I always always always make sure to sacrifice for him if need be & his things ALWAYS come first, even if it means I'm not eating or not paying bills or whatever. As long as he is taken care of & his needs & wants are met, nothing else matters to me. And right now........ I feel he is suffering because of my finances & the fact my treatment with building my muscles up is not going fast enough.

I cannot control the latter one, but the first one is something I can at least ask for help for. So that is what I am doing.

If anyone is in a place to help, these are my venmo & cashapp codes. I also have paypal.

💙 Venmo: @kqroswell

💚 Cashapp: $kqroswell

💜 Paypal: @kqroswell or thekilliancode@yahoo.com

If there is another form of payment you're thinking of, lemme know. I also have fb pay activated if you have me on FB (Killian Q Roswell).

Thank you to everyone who read through this & anyone who can help or reblog this. 💖

Sincerely,

Your v scared, struggling transman who really wants his bills/rent paid & his dog to go to the vet,

Killian 💞