#but I do feel like sometimes rereading fic that elicit strong emotional reactions kind of feels like self harm in a way | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

beholdthesword · 3 months

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Here’s the thing

I want to reread tlt but nona fucked me up so bad and something about these books HURTS and as much as I want to reread them now I also feel like I want to reread them in a like self harming way??? Like I know I have had very strong emotional reactions to them before and so part of me wants to read them again to feel that even though it’s not good for me and actually may just be intensifying feelings I refuse to face in real life

but then what if it doesn’t. What if I read them again and it doesn’t hurt as bad. What do I do then. Is that good? Of course it is but I fear it won’t feel like that. I fear that might almost be worse because then what do I do with all these feelings still locked inside me? What then?

#this is a therapy post that I will never bring up in therapy #but I do feel like sometimes rereading fic that elicit strong emotional reactions kind of feels like self harm in a way #where I don’t have these feelings in real life so I just continually immerse myself in them through fiction but all it does #is highlight my own pain and emptiness and trauma and insecurities #sorry this got v deep for a Wednesday morning #I’m actually at work right now so def not what I should be thinking about

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