#I’m actually at work right now so def not what I should be thinking about

[beholdthesword]

Here’s the thing

I want to reread tlt but nona fucked me up so bad and something about these books HURTS and as much as I want to reread them now I also feel like I want to reread them in a like self harming way??? Like I know I have had very strong emotional reactions to them before and so part of me wants to read them again to feel that even though it’s not good for me and actually may just be intensifying feelings I refuse to face in real life

but then what if it doesn’t. What if I read them again and it doesn’t hurt as bad. What do I do then. Is that good? Of course it is but I fear it won’t feel like that. I fear that might almost be worse because then what do I do with all these feelings still locked inside me? What then?

[yeonboy]

𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐦𝐞𝐞𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐨𝐞𝐬 ♡ choi soobin.

If it was up to you, you would worship the very ground Choi Soobin walks. No, you’re not a simp, he’s just that amazing – the star of your college’s broadcasting club, your role model, the reason why you even have a dream career, and…someone you’d really like to make out with if he’d allow it. But the first ever conversation you have with him has your rose-tinted, star-studded glasses shattering to pieces when he turns out to be a huge jerk. Is this just a misunderstanding or is it the end?

❧ choi soobin x f. reader | 16+ | college!au ♡ strangers to lovers!au ♡ angst ♡ fluff

❧ 10 k words

❧ warnings! inaccuracies wrt broadcasting journalism majors & college broadcasting clubs, profanity, some suggestive language, misunderstandings, allusions to slut-shaming, soobin being an accidental (?) asshole, some heartbreak, some conflict, some yelling, insecurities wrt social standing in college, yn is a certified soob simp™ but goes thru a hater era for half a day </3, stinky cute fluff later on, some cringe, so much blushinG it’ll make u sick, a make out sesh, cameo by yj & his girl from fic 1 bec i love them sm :(

❧ note! set in the same universe as no one but you. i’ve been working on this since marCh, idk why it took me so long to finish? the wc def ran away from me a little whoops! anyways, this gets rough in the middle – soobin might shock u with his behavior but it will all get resolved, i promise!

leave me feedback if you like this! follow for more! (:

❧ masterlist | inbox ⁘

“I’m sorry, the tryouts are closed!”

You blink. Take a step away. Peek at the huge poster stuck on the huger double doors to the auditorium. The notice says the tryouts would run from four to six in the evening – it’s presently five minutes past five. What the heck?

Around you, you notice a number of girls looking as disgruntled as you feel. You approach one. “Uh, hey…did you already do your piece?”

The girl twirls a vibrant purple strand of hair around her finger and rolls her eyes. “Nope. Choi’s bitch ass shut the doors unannounced ’cause he’s pissed off for some reason.”

Choi? Bitch ass? This girl can’t possibly be talking about the Choi Soobin, right? The prince of the university’s broadcasting club who always emcees every single stage performance the university hosts?

No, she can’t be. No one would refer to the Choi Soobin’s glorious behind as ‘bitch ass.’ Besides, you really don’t think he’d sit around judging freshmen entrants to the club when he’s got so many better, so much cooler things on his schedule.

Choi Soobin the Great has been in this club for three years, two of which he has spent as its president. That, in itself, should be pretty explanatory with regards to how skilled he is at the whole announcer, emcee, broadcast business. 

His extraordinary talent with the mic is what inspired you to pick broadcast journalism as your major, in fact. You'd entered the university on jittery, scared steps because you didn't believe you would actually find something that interested you enough to make a career out of. You spent a whole academic year fluttering between psych and communication, aimless and despaired.

But then came sophomore year where you volunteered to set things up for the new freshman batch's orientation week – and that is when you saw Choi Soobin, a fellow sophomore, take the stage and blow everyone away. He was so good with his audience of the new admittees, providing them with all the important information without making them feel nervous because he used the perfect amount of jokes as a buffer.

It was love at first sight for you.

Okay, like, not like that. You did end up making an altar for Choi Soobin the Great where you continue to worship on the daily because he's a god on stage, but what you actually fell in love with was the art of emceeing.

So you registered your major in your third semester and began to work on polishing your skills. Now, two semesters later and midway through the junior year, you finally feel confident and prepared enough to enter your God's actual, holy shrine and join his praying circle.

…maybe you should stop with these metaphors before it gets weird.

Anyways.

Case in point – unlike this uninformed rodent of a girl who found it fit to disrespect your role model and gave up on these tryouts in favor of rolling her eyes and complaining in the hallway, you are nothing if not strong-willed. 

You are finally ready to do something about your one true passion that you can actually see yourself pursuing professionally after college. Being part of the university's broadcasting club means guaranteed dream job; you've seen it happen with your eyes for two consecutive years. You're finally ready to follow suit; finally ready to join the ranks of the elite and learn from Choi Soobin the Great himself – and you are not about to let a gruff call of  "tryouts are closed" from an overworked janitor deter you.

Checking this way and that for any onlookers, you sneak off to the narrow passage to the side that you know connects to this auditorium's back door, and in turn, the cafeteria. You're just gonna casually stroll through it, maybe loiter a bit around the doors until someone from the judges panel steps out so that you can beg them to give you a chance. And if someone catches you? You were just looking for the cafe!

It's the perfect plan.

Until, that is, your loitering ends with the legend himself, Choi Soobin the Great stepping out of the backdoor and freezing you to a statue.

You've seen the man from afar more times than you can count on both hands. You're a true fan, a great admirer, a semi-obsessed devotee (?) of his. But never once have you seen the guy from this up close. Needless to say, your brain's short circuiting a little.

Three things strike you all at one – that the university's emcee prince did, in fact, sit in to judge freshman entrants to the broadcasting club despite his various busy schedules; that the purple haired female auditionee actually did call this great man's glorious behind 'bitch ass' like an uncultured heathen; and finally, that Choi Soobin sporting a combination of dark black hair, bright red lips and stark white t-shirt should be banned because it can cause brain malfunctions in people.

Because while the guy's eyes widen and then squint as he looks at you, and mouth opens as if to say something to you – you stay absolutely frozen, literally turned to stone without a single muscle moving in your body. Including your lungs that are jammed because you're pretty sure you aren't breathing.

"Um… can I help you?"

Oh shit, his dimples…

His dimples!

You realise this is entering borderline creepy territory but you can't help staring at him. He's just so pretty. Though your brain functions are still experiencing a slight lag, you're starting to realize that your crush on the guy is winning over the admiration and respect you have for his talents, at the moment.

He's ethereal. He's unearthly. He's the most beautiful guy you've ever met. You're a simp.

"Excuse me?" Soobin's head tilts to the side in confusion. "Can I help you?"

He definitely can, in more ways than one, but that conversation is for another time.

His impatiently raised eyebrows suddenly push you back into motion, breaking your frozen state, but now you're on an overdrive, very close to hyperventilating in front of him.

"H–hey! I mean, h–hi. I mean, fancy bumping into you here! N–not that we bumped, just, uh—haha, you know? Fancy – fancy seeing you here, how have you been?"

Oh

God.

Did all of that just exit your mouth?

You need a shovel because this calls for digging up a hole and burying yourself alive. What the fuck is wrong with you?

Your entire face feels like it's caught on fire, and all the nerve endings in your body are tingling from embarrassment. You feel like you're vibrating. Wait, if you vibrate at a frequency that's outside of the visible range, can you voluntarily make yourself disappear?

The only thing holding you back from combusting into flames is the amused smile that replaces the previously formal tilt on Soobin's lips. "Hi. I'm sorry, where do I know you from? You look very familiar, but I'm just missing it…"

You look familiar? So he does notice you in class! Maybe getting that hair spa last month has worked in your favor, after all. You're getting a little googly eyed, but you do your best to control your reactions as you gauge his.

He looks so darn cute with his dimpled smile that makes his eyes squint, that you're left gaping for a couple of seconds before you're able to notice the hand he is forwarding you. Nodding haphazardly, you forward yours and let him wrap his huge palm around your significantly smaller one. Even though you try to repress it, the warmth his skin emanates sends a shiver running through you.

If Soobin notices the subtle shake your body gives, he doesn't comment on it.

He's being so angelically patient and kind, you need to get it together! 

So you clap your hands in front of your face and pull your lips up in a smile, preparing yourself to say your thing without any unnecessary words this time. 

"Uh, I'm – I'm in your class? I don't know if you know me, but I know you! I'm, um, I'm here for the broadcasting club. And – and I noticed that the banner said that the tryouts would run from four to six, but I've been told that the gates have been closed when it is barely past five, so I was… w–wondering…" You slowly trail off, stuttering a little when Soobin's facial expressions do a sudden one-eighty.

Gone is the sweet, dimpled, kind guy who was smiling at you with his eyes. Now his lips are pursed and eyebrows furrowed, a clear look of irritation on his face. Well, he's still got a dimple showing, but this one's part of his frowny face so you're not sure if you should be admiring it anymore.

"Wow. You're gutsy." His tone has changed now, too, really stiff with an underlying scoff in words. "Did you follow me here?"

You blink in surprise. "What? Of course not! The – the main doors were closed, so I was looking for another way in and—"

"Good God, please stop talking," he interrupts you with a groan, rolling his eyes as he tilts his head to look skywards – and you're fully paralyzed now, clueless and a little scared because Soobin looks so mean and intimidating with his eyebrows scrunched up like that. "I don't get what you guys' problem is. I'm – I'm trying to do something serious here. Why the hell do you not get it?"

Blinking slowly, you gape at your idol, your icon, the deity of all things broadcasting as he yells at you about something you can make neither head nor tail of. 

'You guys'? Who? 

You know that you of all people definitely get that he's doing something serious. You're as much, if not more, serious about the club yourself; the reason why you've taken so long to decide to audition for it. Besides, how's he judging you when you've never met before?

Willing your frozen lips to move, you attempt to clear the air. "We've – we've never met before. You don't know me. I'm—"

"Oh, I know you enough." This time there is vitriol in his eyes as he spits the words, and you take an actual, vary step away from Soobin. "I've been through twenty auditions and seen fifty applications in the past hour and every single one of the girls like you is dying to get to interview the hockey team and talk to Yeonjun about his strategy for his final season in college. So I know exactly who you are and exactly what you're after."

He is rolling his eyes again, this time with both his hands braced on his waist.

But his words are very confusing and a little hurtful. Why is he grouping you with whatever 'girls like you' he's seen so far? You've been a fan of Soobin for a while now, but you've never encountered any instance of even a mention of him being anything less than courteous and big hearted.

This attitude from him feels like living a fever dream – and not of the good kind.

"So for the last time – I'm not taking any of you groupies into this club because it is not a means to get into the hockey captain's pants! I need serious people who look at announcing and broadcasting with respect and not as something they can use as cover for their ulterior motives. Oh, and if it means anything to you at all, Yeonjun hyung has a girlfriend now. We probably won't even be covering him at all because his fangirls are always a bit too much."

Your head is spinning a little now. 

Did he call you a groupie? Yeonjun's groupie? He thinks you're doing this to get into Yeonjun's… what the hell?

While you're still processing his previous words, Soobin gives a wince. "Look, I'm sorry if all this sounds harsh, but you've left me no choice. Trying to corner me was a really low blow, okay? There's a limit to acting desperate and you're clearly crossing the line, here. If you can't respect me or the club, at least respect yourself."

The pieces have finally fallen in place in your head. You couldn't make sense of it earlier because you didn't really allow yourself to think Soobin would go there. But given his last statement, now you have no doubts.

You don't live under a rock – you really can't afford to when you dream of joining the broadcasting club, of all things – so you obviously know hockey captain Choi Yeonjun and the hype surrounding him. And because you always do your homework well, you also know that he used to be somewhat of a serial dater before he got into a serious relationship with his long time best friend, just last month. All of Yeonjun's fangirls across campus have been disheartened by this development and have been acting desperate ever since.

But why on earth has Soobin pegged you as one of them escapes you. You did not say a word about the hockey team. You didn't get to tell him what your goals actually are. Hell, you didn't even get to tell him your name before he shut you down.

This is a very overwhelming generalization, and you really wanna give Soobin the benefit of the doubt here because going through fifty bullshit applications can be a lot – but he needs to hear you out for you to do that.

"Soobin," you try again, raising both your palms up in an attempt to placate him, "I don't know how you're getting this idea, but I'm not one of – one of Yeonjun's groupies, or whatever, okay? I literally told you I'm in your class."

“Look, I really don’t have time for all these tales,” Soobin interrupts you with a sigh, a huge hand raised up to shut you up – so you do. “You’re dressed… too prettily to be trying out for the broadcasting club, anyways. Is that a cheerleading skirt?”

He's looking down his nose at your miniskirt that you felt very pretty in, annoyance on his face, and now –

Now you're hurt. Now you're hurt beyond giving him the benefit of the doubt. Now you're hurt enough for your eyes to sting with offense.

“Are you trying to pass a judgment on my…clothes?” you ask him in shock, your voice low and a frown creasing your forehead. 

He looks a little uncomfortable as he clears his throat. “I’ve seen the way Yeonjun’s fangirls dress, and you kinda… fit the description.”

He really isn’t giving up on the groupie allegations…

In any other scenario, you would honestly take that as a compliment. Because you have seen these girls as well and their appearance is honestly on another level. But this guy in front of you definitely means it as an insult. And he is still scowling, as if you have dressed up to personally offend him.

You’re at a complete loss now. He hasn’t let you talk, you haven’t even told him your name, and he is acting like knows everything about you. His mind seems fully made up too. 

What are you supposed to do?

"You know what? Maybe I… I should leave through the front door,” he murmurs in your general direction and then moves to step back through the gates he’d emerged from.

You just stay rooted to your place, offended at his dismissal and still in partial disbelief. 

Choi Soobin is nothing like anything you thought he was. 

The smiling, giggling, squinty-eyed guy that you always heard being called kind-hearted, warm, understanding and sweet? Cannot be the same guy you just met. Part of the reason why you like him so much has been the overwhelming amount of praises you have heard about him. 

At times, you found yourself wondering how such an important and busy guy could muster enough patience to be a sweetheart to everyone. Now you know that it’s all a sham – a character he has created to showcase. It’s all pretend. 

This, the version of him you just met, is what the real Choi Soobin is like when no one’s looking. 

Not just your crush, but your idol has broken your heart. 

How are you gonna move on from this?

"Y/N!"

The sudden shout of your name makes you jump in surprise, wide, watery eyes turning to the end of the hallway. Soobin has stopped in his place as well, a frown on his forehead as he attempts to follow your gaze – but he's a little off center from the curved hallway to be able to locate a bubbly looking Yeji excitedly waving at you. 

Oh fuck. Not right now. You don't need your best friend to witness you experiencing the worst moment of your entire life.

But Yeji being the loudass clown she is, doesn't stop speaking at the top of her voice as she marches down the hallway to you. "Where have you been? The janitor says they closed the tryouts? Did you pass? Oh, and a girl told me Choi Soobin was in the judging panel! Did you get to see him?"

Your eyes jump wide, traveling to the said guy involuntarily to witness the way confusion overtakes his face. He isn't moving, though, probably out of intrigue now that he has heard his name, and you're halfway scared to death that Yeji is about to reveal your secret and bathe you in the kind of embarrassment that you will never be able to live down.

"Yeji, I'm just—"

"Babe, why do you look so pale?" she cuts you off, squinting as she nears you, and before you can get another word out, her lips are tilting mischievously and eyebrows are wiggling. "Did Choi find out about your obsessive crush on him? Did he kick you out? Are you hiding from him?"

Yeji is done walking up to you and is now standing with her back to the still open door to the auditorium to look at you with her head tilted and hands braced on her waist. But your gaze is stuck to the person whose face you can easily see over her shoulder.

Soobin's eyes are impossibly wide and mouth is parted to allow his bunny-like front teeth to peek out. There's a subtle flush covering the top of his cheekbones, ears and the bridge of his nose – a sight that would've had you cooing in adoration if you weren’t so distraught, right now.

And then his lips move to form a broken sentence that makes you want to stab Yeji and then yourself: "You… obsessive crush… me?"

To her credit, Yeji seems to recognise the guy's voice and also the context of this ridiculous situation pretty quickly. Her eyes grow wide immediately before a wince overtakes her face as she mouths the word 'sorry' to you, probably mistaking your fallen expressions to be a reaction to the chaos she has caused. Little does she know.

Just as she has stepped aside, Soobin takes a step closer to you, heavy guilt and bewilderment sewn into the lines of his forehead and the twist of his lips. It's so weird that your heart is still skipping a beat when his gaze searches yours. 

It's so unfair. 

You inhale deeply and shake your head, though, steeling yourself against his deceitful innocent eyes. His dimples are just a facade to hide his arrogance. You know better now.

"Not anymore, don't you worry," you tell him with your chin lifted and eyes narrowed.

And damn, you feel so brave for that one. Especially because the words aren't even true. Getting over him will be a hefty task and you have no idea where to even begin, because your life has pretty much revolved around the guy for over a year.

Soobin frowns at that, looking almost hurt, and you want to laugh in his face at the hypocrisy. But you've had enough of him judging you and you're also ninety-eight percent sure you will end up crying if you tried to laugh, so you choose to just grab onto an embarrassed and confused looking Yeji's wrist and tug her with you to the other end of the hallway, exiting into the college's cafeteria.

"Babe, that was—ow!"

Yeji is cut off by you smacking her upside the head. "You're so fucking stupid, Hwang."

"I know… I'm sorry?" 

"Shut up, you’re buying me lunch."

The next day, while you’re supposed to be attending your Media Law class, a mandatory course in your major, you find yourself sitting (read: sulking) in a corner of the library by yourself, staring at the laptop in front of you unseeingly. Your attendance is good enough to save your grades and you can beg Chaewon for notes later in the week. 

But you truly don’t have enough mental strength to face the class’ star student after the shitshow that went down, yesterday.

While Yeji bought you lunch yesterday, you filled her in on everything that happened. Your best friend provided you with a shoulder for your tears, some tissues for your snot and four golden words of advice: never meet your heroes. Because now everything is ruined, and you’re beginning to wonder if picking this major was even worth it when the reason why you did has turned out to be a sham himself.

Your phone suddenly pings with a message, breaking your chain of spiraling thoughts.

11:03 | yeji 💘 dood. guess who i bumped into omw to the chem lab and guess what he asked me for

You blink and then squint at your phone. Why is your best friend trying to be so mysterious? 

↪ wtf ji…? ↪ who asked u for what? ↪ are u okay?

11:05 | yeji 💘 what? yeah i’m okay choi soobin asked for your number

What? 

↪ yeji… ↪ tell me u didn’t give it to him

11:06 | yeji 💘 of course not bestie <3 i told him to talk to you in person he’ll be there in a min good luck! 💋💋💋

You hadn’t even fully inhaled your breath of relief at Yeji’s first text when she cut it short with the next one. In person? In a minute? 

Did Yeji tell him where you are?

“Uh, hey… Can we talk?”

She did. Shit.

Even if you don’t lift your gaze from your phone, Soobin’s tall form blocks the incoming light from the window you were seated next to and casts such an obvious shadow on your form that you cannot ignore him without making it weird. So you lick your lips and collect your nerves, preparing yourself to face the guy who single-handedly inspired and then shattered your future plans.

Soobin looks as devastatingly handsome as ever, dressed in a white, collared shirt. His hair is just as black, lips just as red, but there’s an additional pair of thick, black, round-framed glasses sitting on his eyes this time that make your heart beat faster. He just had to look like a runway model in glasses. The universe hates you. Figures.

The expressions on his face scream clear distress and the guilt you saw yesterday. He’s nibbling on his bottom lip, which is a great sign because his bitch ass should be antsy about his audacity of talking to you now when he didn’t wanna listen to you yesterday.

Wow. Maybe that purple haired girl really was onto something, yesterday. Choi Soobin’s derriere is most definitely a rude and a bitch ass.

Looking down at your laptop, you clear your throat and ask him, “What do you wanna talk about?”

You don’t ask him to sit, you do not smile, don’t even wave back in response to his lame ass ‘hey’ – just cut straight to business. You’re proud of the way your voice sounds the right amount of impatient and careless.

“I… I owe you an apology.”

That has you looking at him again. He’s frowning now, looking so conflicted, you almost soften. But then you stop yourself. This is probably not even that heartfelt. He heard about your crush on him and now he pities you. You won’t be a vessel for him to pretend to clear his conscience when he wasn’t even willing to get off his judgemental high horse for you.

“Soobin… don’t.”

He takes the seat opposite yours, ignoring your eyebrows that rise up in shocked outrage. "I have to. Please."

"You really don't—"

"I was horribly out of line, ridiculously ignorant, unprofessional and – and an asshole."

You blink at him in mild surprise. At least he knows; that’s an oddly good start. "You can say that again."

He removes his glasses and rests his elbows on the table, leaning towards you with wide, desperate eyes. "I do not expect you to forgive me, I just need you to – to know that I'm not… I'm not who I was yesterday. That's not – I was under pressure and I felt irritated, insecure and a little jealous? And I said everything I didn't mean. Especially that comment about your dress up! I didn't mean it, I swear! You looked pretty, your skirt was really cute, okay? I – I didn't mean to insult you, I would never stoop to that level."

Your cheeks involuntarily heat up at the compliment he tosses at you so casually. "Why say it when you didn't mean it?" you mumble, attempting to hold your ground and stay mad because he's saying all the right things to weaken your resolve and give him an ear.

He hangs his head as if in shame. "Because I'm a moron. None of the stuff I said was aimed at you. As you said, we hadn't even met before, and… I was frustrated and tired and just drew all these wrong conclusions about you and went off like an idiot. I feel so horrible. I'm so fucking sorry..."

Very slowly, you lean back in your chair and shut your laptop. He really knows how to apologize, damn. 

You were preparing to knock Choi Soobin off the throne you had him sitting on, mentally, and then crush that very throne to pieces because if he could disappoint you like this, you were determined to never look for another role model. You were preparing yourself to leave Choi Soobin and his arrogance in dust and move on with your life.

But now here he is – apologizing like the decent human being you always thought him to be, saying everything you’d never admit you needed to hear.

He’s climbing back upon the throne that took you a whole day to make up your mind to remove him from. 

You’re kinda pathetic, to be honest…

In an attempt to regain some of the dignity your inner monologue has stripped you of, you frown at him. But you are definitely intrigued now because if the kindness and sweetness he shows everyone is a facade, why is he being kind and sweet to you in private?

Could there possibly be… an explanation for his behavior yesterday? He said he was under pressure and frustrated. Although you understand the former, given his position and the auditions yesterday, you don’t really get why he would be frustrated.

When you meet his gaze again, you find Soobin looking at you with those wide eyes of his spilling desperate hope. So you decide to bite.

 "You – you keep saying you were frustrated… Why was that? "

He thumps his head against the table with a groan, making you jump a little in surprise, and then looks up with a determined expression on his face. "I'll begin from the beginning. I owe you that much."

"You really don't owe me any—"

"Please, Y/N."

Oh. Did he say your name? Oh.

Wow, this is why crushes are horrible. Now your heart is thumping wildly and your face feels really hot. Honestly, there should be a system where one can run a background check on an individual before they can be deemed safe enough to be crushed on so that one doesn’t end up embarrassing oneself.

You can only hope your face hasn’t heated up to a noticeable degree.

"I… Since the day I was made President of the Broadcasting Club and was given the duty to conduct interviews for the different sports teams our college has, there’s been this – this recurring pattern. Huge throngs of girls that want to join the club for a chance to interview the hockey team and get close to Captain Choi.” He gives a tired exhale and runs a hand down his face. “I’ve seen it repeat every semester. And this time it got really out of hand because I actually decided to sit in for the tryouts…”

You didn’t even notice when you leaned on your elbows to mirror Soobin’s seating position and focused your eyes on his face, so when he looks up to meet your gaze, your breath catches for a moment. And then you see absolute, sheer tiredness reflected by his brown orbs.

He cannot be this good of an actor, can he be? That would mean that he's really been going through something with this whole insincere signing up for the club thing.

"It was really wrong of me to explode on you the way I did," he continues in a softer voice, looking down at the table next to his palms. "I assumed you were one of the girls that had been giving me a hard time and… didn't even let you say your thing. I'm really, terribly sorry for being a jerk to you."

Your jaw drops a little at the sincerity that spills from his apology. He doesn't sound like he's doing this to clear his conscience or out of pity – he sounds really regretful. He almost sounds like he's in pain, in fact. 

Does he really feel that guilty?

He would only be feeling so bad about this if… everything he has said so far is the truth and he’s actually not the kind of person he painted himself as, yesterday. You can sense the way your previously drawn conclusions begin to dissipate little by little.

"After you left," Soobin begins again, this time with a slight twinkle in his eyes and a tilt to his lips that makes his dimples pop, "I went looking for your application form and read about your interest in announcing. You… you picked your major because of me?"

Your cheeks are definitely on fire now and there’s no way Soobin can’t see that. Why did you put that in your form, you embarrassing imbecile? 

Well. If Soobin has been gusty and virtuous enough to come looking for you and make an attempt to honestly explain himself and apologize, maybe you can be a little honest with him as well.

"You see… the freshman orientation you hosted last year left an impact on me," you reveal, unable to look at him. "And then I saw your sports coverage and realized that I want to be a sports announcer in future."

Soobin says your name, making you look up and meet his soft gaze. "I never thought I would do anything in life that would be worth an inspiration… so this means a lot to me. A lot.” His eyes are shining with sincerity and emotion, and you’re looking into them, spellbound. “I am so sorry I hurt you and I’m ready to try and make it up to you for as long as needed. I don’t really expect you to accept my apology, like I told you, but if you would please give me another chance, I would like to show you who I really am. And maybe initiate you, if you’d like?"

He finishes with a sweet, dimpled smile and maybe that is to be blamed for the way his question bounces right off of you.

"Initiate…me?" You cluelessly blink at him.

"Yeah. Into the club. All the members went through your application and some samples of you emceeing. So it’s not just mine, but everybody’s decision. Insistence, if you will. Request? We – we’d really really like to have you on our team."

Your eyes jump open very wide at that. Join the club of your dreams? He’s finally offering you the spot you thought you’d lost forever? 

Wait, did he say samples? Of you emceeing?  What?

"I’m sorry, what samples?"

A blush tinges his ears. "I contacted your friend Yeji about this, last evening. Please don’t be mad at her, she just wanted to help you. She told me how much this means to you… and then sent me a couple of clips of you managing a stage during a kids’ talent show in your neighborhood. You were really impressive, Y/N."

Holy fucking hell, you're going to scream. 

First at Hwang Yeji for going behind your back and selling you to the enemy, no matter what her motivation might’ve been. And then because your idol just complimented you on something you've learned from him.

"Th–thank you, Soobin." You bite your lip at the stutter in your voice, peering up at him with hesitant eyes. And then you decide to be honest with him again: "Your praise… means a lot to me."

Soobin's eyes sparkle at that, a warm smile pulling at his lips. "And I promise to always remember, respect and honor that. Just one chance?”

You stay like that for the next few moments, looking at him with a soft gaze.

You’ve been polishing your skills to prepare yourself for a spot in this club for a year. If you had gotten the chance to audition normally yesterday, there is no doubt in your mind that you would’ve made the cut. So wouldn’t it be unfair if you give up now?

And then there’s Soobin, of course. It’s going to take you some time to trust him. But if he says he’s willing to work on it, says it with a sincerity in his eyes that gives you goosebumps, you believe it’s worth giving him a chance to correct the misunderstanding he caused yesterday.

You exhale, mind made up, and nod at the guy tentatively. “Promise me you will hear what I have to say before you draw any conclusions?”

He leans closer to you, bringing his face at the same level as yours and nods eagerly. “I promise. Cross my heart and hope to die. Do I take this as a yes to joining the club?”

His eagerness makes you crack a smile, which causes Soobin to scrunch his nose bashfully. You inhale deeply and give him another nod. “Yes, you may.”

Time flies really fast after that day as you attempt to find a stable way of juggling your classes and the club duties. 

The work isn’t as much in bulk as it is in the details. Soobin is, as you’d known beforehand, a meticulous perfectionist. Every single activity the club is involved in has to be fully planned in bullet points and a step-wise-step itinerary, and uploaded to the club’s shared Google Drive, days in advance, or Mr. President begins to lose his calm . You, being the newest addition to the bunch of six experienced members, are mostly tasked with assisting the guy on building this very itinerary.

Not that you mind.

The more time you spend next to him, witnessing him in his element up close and actually getting to peer into the creative wonderland that his mind is, the more you find yourself in awe of him. He has been a role model to you for a reason, after all.

With each passing day, you pat yourself on the back for taking a chance by accepting his apology as you slowly begin to see the real him – the version of him that is absolutely nothing like the asshole you met that day. And little by little, your trust in him begins to grow.

Soobin, to his credit, doesn’t leave a single stone unturned to make you feel welcome into the club. He is incredibly patient and delicate with you – always pausing to check whether you have been keeping up with all the new stuff or if you need any guidance.

You’re beginning to understand that it is in his nature to be kind. The word that got around about him has been correct all along – he really is gentle, understanding and sweet. And if he is going an extra mile for you with the intention of appeasing you because he is apologetic? Well… he’s damn well succeeding. 

The two of you have quickly fallen into a routine where you attend your 10 am Media Law class together, collect the communication majors Karina and Jongho from their block, and then report to Arin—the only senior in the club and known to be an effortless ace—in the broadcasting room. After a short briefing about the previous days’ tasks and a rundown of the fresh day’s checklist, you and Soobin depart to the library to work on it. 

After that you both attend your separate afternoon classes, meet up at the broadcasting room at four in the evening for the college announcements that are alternated between Yunjin and Jongin, sophomores and the final two members of the club, and the lot of you finally take your leave some time around six.

The first week is so exhausting for you that you are barely left with enough strength to feed yourself before you collapse into bed every night, let alone think about your academics. You don’t even text Yeji for three whole days, until she accosts you in the library. 

Soobin texts you, that evening, sharing tips on time management, task management as well as a small list of snacks that he munches on to retain energy. To say your heart nearly beats out of your chest at the gesture would be an understatement. 

The following weeks are full of you being on the receiving end of more such thoughtful acts by Soobin. Getting you coffee – one that is made exactly the way you like it – before the evening meet-up, walking you to your dorm if you don’t have anyone from your building accompanying you, repeatedly checking in to ensure you’re well-rested and not overwhelmed by the sudden change in your routine.

And then there is that one time, some three weeks later, when you're filling in for an absent Yunjin and make a mistake during the announcement – landing yourself at the receiving end of Arin's ire. You feel really bad about your mistake as it is, and so the addition of a reprimand from the senior you've come to look up to has you immensely low.

"She said it was a mistake, noona."

Your head snaps up at Soobin's firm statement. His eyebrows are furrowed and arms are crossed as he looks at Arin. You, along with three other pairs of eyes, gawk at the rare sight of Soobin getting angry, and the rarer sight of him going against the club's queen.

"She's apologized thrice. What more do you expect?"

Arin looks taken aback at the brusque interruption, but doesn't put up a fight against the president. "She needs to practice her pauses, Soobin."

"And she will. I'll make sure she does." He gives a small nod to her before turning his gaze to you. Put in spot, you stare back at him with wide eyes. "I'll stay with her while she practices."

Flashing you a small smile of reassurance, Soobin turns back to the other girl and pats her shoulder to calm her down. And because no one in powerful enough to maintain a frown when Soobin unleashes the power of his dimples upon them, Arin eventually smiles in defeated acceptance and dismisses the meeting.

But your heart never quite manages to dismiss the way this incident makes you feel.

Because Soobin holds true to the promise he made as well – accompanying you to the college's courtyard whenever you're both free and practicing speech with you. To be really honest, he seems to be wanting to spend all his free time with you. You find yourself having to say no to his texts at times because you have plans with Yeji, or are too tired to function.

You'd be lying if you claimed that having so much of his attention on you doesn't make your heart to somersaults in your chest. Which is why you begin to wonder where his extra mile of apologetic appeasement ends. 

The whole apology acceptance thing happened between the two of you awhile ago. He really shouldn't have a reason to continue to dote on you as if he has been hired to take care of you. Last time you checked, you were the one with a gigantic crush on him and not the other way round.

A few explanations pop up in your head, but none of them feel plausible enough for you to even think about. So you do the next best thing – share your dilemma with Yeji on an impromptu girls’ night in, one Saturday.

For a moment, your best friend squints her eyes in the way she does when she’s analyzing some complex situation. And then she shrugs a shoulder, pops a pretzel in her mouth and announces: “Sounds like he’s got a crush.”

You blink, caught so off-guard that you’re stunned into silence. It is only when she looks at you with her eyebrows raised that you manage to cough out a scoff. “What? Don’t be ridiculous.”

This time Yeji’s the one to scoff. “Excuse me? What’s so ridiculous about him liking you?”

“Dude. I…” You vaguely gesture to yourself. “I’m me. And he’s…him. Choi Soobin the Great, the prince, the God, the emcee of the year.”

“Uh, I’m sorry, what’s that supposed to mean? You’re you – the princess, the goddess, the prettiest girl on campus and the best student in our year.” She tosses a pretzel at you, scowling. “You’re amazing, bff. Choi Soobin is one lucky motherfucker to have the privilege to spend so much time with you. Of course he’d fall in love! I’d date you if I was into girls!”

The last part of her sentence makes you giggle. “Stop, no one’s talking about love just yet. Do you really think he could be doing all of that with… I don’t know… the intention to woo me?”

“Of course! He’d be a fool not to!” Yeji sits up from her recline on the couch, nearly aggressively grabbing onto your shoulders to shake you. “Didn’t you hear the part where I told you I would date—hell, Ryujin would date you!”

You gape at your best friend, feeling uplifted, reassured and confused all at once. “Wha—? Does Ryujin like girls?”

“No, but she’d still date you. She’s open minded that way.”

“Yeji, what the f—”

“My point is!” She raises a finger up to silence your protest. “You’re fabulous and amazing and gorgeous – have you seen your eyes? Bff, they’re fucking pretty. Do you know what that makes you? More fucking pretty. He likes you, boo, and he's probably got a list of reasons why.”

Yeji’s love language might be words of affirmation through… aggression, but it is surely effective at reminding you of the fact that you’re lovable.

And so more time goes by, with things staying mostly normal if you don’t count the way your cheeks seem to get extra warmer with every cup of coffee that Soobin hands you, lately. If your locked gazes stay locked for longer than necessary, or if his goodbye hugs linger a little and cause your heart to nearly beat out of your chest – it is no one’s business but your own. 

You know, deep in your heart, that you never really got over the guy. He left you heartbroken for a total of 36 hours, while he's spent more than 36 days swirling up a swarm of butterflies in your tummy with every action of his.

It is inevitable for you to fall for him all over again.

You have absolutely no plans of doing anything about it, however, because you have come to really cherish the close friendship you share with Soobin. You like the wheel of routine the two of you constantly spin within and don't wanna change a thing about it.

Although, that is not to say that no change ends up happening.

The wheel of routine makes a detour around a week later, some five weeks after your initiation into the broadcasting club, when you find yourself wrapped in a jacket and still shivering, sitting next to the university’s star athlete on the bleachers in the hockey arena, at six in the morning.

“Is that all? For real?” Choi Yeonjun asks you with his eyes wide in pleasant surprise. “That was quick.”

While you just nod with a chuckle, his girlfriend peers at you from his other side and punches him in the side. “I’ve told you the important questions don’t take that long! Your fangirls just wanna extend the interviews because they wanna ogle you longer.”

“You don’t have to worry about that anymore, I promise,” you tell the girl with a grin, which she returns fully.

“Nah, you don’t even have to tell me because I can see it in your body language,” she mumbles, pressing her cheek into her boyfriend’s shoulder, over which he tips his own head affectionately. “You’re the first ever girl to not view him like a piece of meat. I’m not even kidding.”

“Ah, I’m sorry about that. Your man’s okay, but he’s not my type.”

Yeonjun grins widely at your words, while her girlfriend breaks into laughter because she apparently hasn’t heard anyone use the adjective “okay” for Yeonjun ever before. 

Anyone that tries to get between these two must be crazy, you realize, because you’ve sat with them for less than an hour and can already tell how deeply in love they are. And how stinkingly cute they are together.

Well, the general consensus states that Yeonjun is cute, too. Along with being handsome, beautiful, sexy – and a whole plethora of other adjectives that his fans use for him. But it becomes hard for you to agree with the opinion when your heart, instead, chooses to skip a beat for the dimpled cutie seated two steps away from you, smiling at you from behind his camera.

Right as your eyes meet, Soobin waves a hand at you to let you know he has stopped recording. Nodding, you wave goodbye to the couple next to you and leave the spot to walk up to your cameraman. 

“If I get hypothermia, you’re footing my hospital bills,” you announce as you settle next to a laughing Soobin, intentionally shifting closer to him to hopefully absorb some of his body heat. 

“I told you to bring a jacket, didn’t I?”

“And I did, but it was useless.”

“Because it was denim!” He gives a full belly laugh at that, and the sound is so beautiful to your ears that it becomes hard for you to maintain your scowl of annoyance. “Who brings a denim jacket when asked to carry one?”

“Hey, you texted me at five am!” you whine in complaint. “I could barely open my eyes, my brain wasn’t working!”

“Is that why you didn’t question me?” His tone is a little teasing and so are his raised eyebrows as he smirks at you. “I asked you to come downstairs quickly and you arrived within ten minutes, ready to run away to the mountains with me if I asked. What’s up with that, hm?”

Your cheeks feel on fire at the implication of his words. Clearing your throat, you try to come up with a response, but your heartbeat is too loud in your ears and meeting Soobin’s playful gaze might just make it crash due to the onslaught of overwhelming emotions.

Well. At least you’re feeling a little warmer now.

“You – you said it was a surprise and a huge honor that I’d later thank you for… I got excited,” you mumble, entwining your cold fingers and stuffing your hands beneath your knees to warm them up. “Thanks for thinking of me for this honor but honestly…” You gesture towards Yeonjun with your chin. “I don't really care for athletes. They’re not my type. I prefer brains over brawn. This guy’s taken, anyway, so people should really…”

You trail off when you turn to look at Soobin and find him smiling at you almost knowingly, such unabashed affection in his gaze that your throat closes up with nervousness. 

“I… I – I mean—”

“Yeonjun’s not your type?”

Swallowing past your nerves, you very slowly shake your head. “Is that a surprise?”

He shrugs his shoulders, trying to seem nonchalant, but you see the stiffness that enters his spine at the question. “Yeah, kind of. He’s… well, everyone I know either wants him or wants to be him.”

Wants to be him? Oh… Your lips curve up in a small smile as it begins to make sense to you. “Including you?”

His eyes widen in surprise as he looks at you. “He’s the most popular guy at our uni, Y/N. Who wouldn’t wanna be him?”

You should be surprised by his answer but you somehow aren’t. Because this ties up with a number of things you’ve been unable to fully make sense of about Soobin. Most of all, this explains why it would get him so riled up that people would try to use him and his club – one of the most sacred things he holds in his life – just to get close to Yeonjun. It would also explain why he would have felt insecure and jealous about it.

Emotions such as these are hard to navigate. Within the month that you’ve spent working closely with Soobin, you’ve come to know that he cares about his friends a lot – he truly loves them and would go to extreme lengths to help them whenever and wherever. It pains you that he struggles with this burden on the inside.

You need him to know that he shouldn’t. That he doesn’t need to. 

Which is why you shuffle closer to him, to the point where your thighs brush together, and look into his wide, bunny eyes to tell him that: “When I first saw you, I was fully convinced you were the most popular guy at the uni. And it stayed with me for months until I began my research into uni related facts and opinions and found out about our hockey team. This is why I could never gather enough courage to approach you, you know? You were this tall, handsome and sweet guy – textbook university crush material. How could you not be the most popular?”

Soobin’s cheeks turn pink, then pinker, then bright red, and by the end of your confession, he’s got a trail of redness climbing up to his ears. His eyes stay glued to yours, even as he bites down on his bottom lip.

When you see the way he exhales shakily, you finally release a giggle at his flustered state. “What? Are you really blushing that hard? How're you so cool as an emcee but your cheeks go red when a girl compliments you, Soobin?”

Soobin huffs out a laugh through his nose and rolls his eyes, pursing his lips to bite back his smile. Then he shakes his head. “Not just any girl.” 

This time, you feel a similar blush begin to cover your face. You attempt to joke it away. “I… I’m h–honored, I guess?”

Smirking at your stutters, Soobin simply averts his gaze from yours and goes back to packing up the recording equipment. “Speaking of honors, by the way. This isn't exactly what I was talking about.”

You frown in confusion. “Oh? So what is—wait. Why did you wake me up at five, then?!”

“Woah, easy!” he laughs when you get up and brace your fists on your waist, ready to throw hands. “I brought you here because having your first solo interview with Yeonjun would give you a good boost of publicity for your future with the club.”

“Ow, are we using him for clout?” You scrunch your nose up when Soobin proudly nods.

“Precisely. And also to give you a small rehearsal so that you know what all to focus on when you prepare for the freshman orientation that’s coming up soon.”

You freeze in the middle of a nod.

To prepare you for what? 

Your brain refuses to comprehend the words. He couldn’t possibly be talking about the orientation, right? 

Eyes wide and jaw dropped, you stare at Soobin while he seamlessly continues to speak.

“You're pretty comfortable with the mic and you actually enjoy interacting with groups. I still remember the clips your friend had shown me. Orientation stage requires the ability to interact well and improvise upon the script efficiently, because you’re tasked with making sure these bunch of seventeen year olds feel welcome into their new surroundings. And you, ma’am, happen to be an ace at both the arts.”

Still in disbelief, you sit next to him again and forward a hand to hold onto his forearm, bringing his focus back on you. “Soobin… are you sure? I’ve – I’ve been here for a month, and—”

“And you were amazing even before you joined us.” He turns to you to take both your palms between his, and says your name. A surge of sparks passes through your nerve endings at the warm contact, but Soobin’s gaze grounds you – it’s so open and honest that it compels you to believe every word he says to you. “You’ve only improved with each day, right? You will be great, I’m absolutely sure.”

Nodding slowly, you begin to smile when he does.

Giving your hands a jerk, Soobin points at the couple seated a few feet away. “Just you wait and see, you’re about to go viral when this bit is released. The one girl that remains unaffected by Choi Yeonjun’s charm? Oh, you’re gonna pull so many admirers within a week. Get ready for fanboys crushing on you and sliding into your DMs. Bet they’ll have a fan page up and running before your next public appearance.” 

You break into laughter, craning away from him at his teasing. But Soobin tugs at your hands to pull you back up, this time bringing you closer to him than you were before. The previous traces of playfulness have given way to a small, expectant smile on his face.

"Do I get brownie points for being the first in line?"

What? What? An awkward chuckle leaves you, quickly dwindling when Soobin's smile remains unchanged as he continues to look into your eyes. "What… what are you talking about?"

He tilts his head sweetly, giving your hands a small squeeze as he says your name. "As if I haven't been so obvious… You're the most talented member our group has seen in a while, you know? I can't look away from you when you're working and, like, initially I thought I was being a fan… But then I started to daydream about your bright eyes, gorgeous smiles, your cute giggles, your huge fucking heart that is always so kind to everyone, and…" Soobin pauses with a sigh, cheeks turning red and dimples flashing. "Come on, are you really gonna make me say it?"

Your breath comes in stuttered gasps as you try to gather your thoughts. "Soo–Soobin, I… I… Do you really…?"

"Really like you and really want to go out with you? Yeah, I do.” He smiles at you, bringing your faces close enough to boop your nose with his own. "Is there a problem?"

"You… like me?" You feel terribly confused, somewhat lost, and just a bit scared. If Soobin doesn't mean it with one hundred percent sincerity, you'll never recover from this hurt. So you just try to deflect: "But you barely know me?"

He pulls away with a small scoff of disbelief, eyes widening in surprise. "So it's believable for you to have a crush on me when you'd never even held a conversation with me, but you can't accept that I like you because you're the most beautiful, most intelligent and the most caring person I've ever met in my life?"

Your breath hitches on an exhale – and you're unable to breathe in again for long moments after that. 

He thinks you're beautiful, intelligent and caring.

He likes you.

He actually likes you.

Yeji's words of aggressive affirmative circle in your head: He likes you, boo, and he's probably got a list of reasons why.

She was… actually right? Holy shit…

You're so freaking emotional right now, you might cry.

A cross between a chuckle and a sniffle escapes you despite your attempts of stifling it, catching Soobin by surprise. His hands immediately let go of yours to cup your cheeks in concern.

"Hey, hey, what happened? Please don't think too hard about—"

"Soobin," you cut him off with a whisper. "I like you, too. So, so much."

A slow smile begins to curl his lips up, beautifully. "You do?"

"I have for so long. I… don't think I ever stopped."

"Even with the way I hurt you so bad?" His face becomes somber for a moment. 

"Yes, even then. You've shown me who you really are, Soobin, and that person is amazing. You've proven to me that I caught you in a moment of weakness, and… I think I understand it now more than ever." You smile when his lashes flutter, eyes gazing at you as if in wonder. "Besides, I think I forgave you when you first got me my correct coffee order with that cute smile of yours."

He blushes again. "Ah, so my smile is cute?"

"The cutest." You solemnly nod, cheeks still held in his palms. "Your whole face is."

"Well then, I hope you're okay with my cute face doing this?"

You know what is coming as you watch him erase the space between your mouth and his, and yet you're not nearly prepared for the way your blood turns electric the moment his plush, heart-shaped lips make contact with yours. Pure fire surges through you, body strung tight one moment and then fallen pliant in his hold the next.

Soobin's thumbs brush against the heated flesh of your cheeks, as if attempting to comfort your loud heartbeat – but it's to no avail. Your heart works faster and faster with every push of his mouth against yours, so full of giddiness that it eventually seems to levitaties up and above your body, leaving you weightless and breathless.

You try to kiss him back to the best of your abilities, but you feel like you've been entranced – held in a dreamlike state that has rendered you completely immobile and turned your brain to goo.

Soobin seems to recognise your condition, somehow, pulling away from the kiss with a chuckle brushed against your slightly parted lips. Lidded eyes look into yours with a smile held in them, his chocolate irises turned to thin rings due to how dilated his pupils are. 

"You good?"

His voice comes out all hoarse and breathless, making your stomach clench with desire and you're instantly spurred into motion.

Reaching out with both your hands, you grip onto the back of Soobin's neck and the side of his jaw, and this time pull him in for a proper kiss with equal participation. His breath hitches for a moment, but is released in the form of a small grunt when you open your mouth against his – and that is all you need to absolutely lose yourself into the taste and feel of Choi Soobin.

You would've probably stayed lost for quite a bit too, had a loud whistle not echoed around the arena, making both you and Soobin jump apart with startled gasps. Wide eyed, you look at each other, and then two stairs above you.

Yeonjun's girlfriend is grinning at you with her entire teeth on display, while the guy himself has his arm extended towards the two of you, thumb pointed downwards.

"Her first interview isn't even out yet, dude!" he calls out, booing Soobin with his entire arm. "Literally obliterating her popularity before she could even gather bitches, you're so lame and insecure, Soob, boo hoooo!"

Soobin tosses a random plastic case towards the guy, whining into your ear as he rests his chin on your shoulder grumpily. You giggle at his pout, entwining your hands together to bring them up and press a soft kiss to the back of his.

"Are we going on that date before or after the interview is aired, then?" you tease the guy, wiggling your eyebrows.

Soobin glares at you through playfully narrowed eyes beneath lowered eyebrows, until you're giggling again and he's kissing your smile. "Definitely before."

© yeonboy 2023 // do not steal, copy or repost. respect your local content creators, kaythanks.

[featureenvyproductions]

here’s a bird’s eye view of my comic Eyan Eternal

For people who don't know what it is. Bc I think some of you might find it's right up your alley. Well this is an updated one anyway. I do actually have a volume of this out in print right now, but the low def, basic version is online and complete, and tbh, I just want people to read it. I took almost two years to complete this and quite literally poured every waking moment (after work and when I wasn’t fixing stuff in my house) into this to try and finish it.

Ahem

Here is one of these at a glance things! 

If that’s enough to intrigue you, take a look at my chapter masterpost which has convenient links to every chapter post so you don’t have to go figuring out where they are and what order they go in!: https://www.tumblr.com/featureenvyproductions/717516139934154752/eyan-eternal-tumblr-chapter-masterpost?source=share

If you like it and want to support me you can also buy a copy of the first print volume, which collects chapters 1-5 and has a smidge of bonus content (only available in the US right now, but that’s not going to be forever, and I’m working on an e-book as well): https://www.etsy.com/FeatureEnvy/listing/1447399615/eyan-eternal?utm_source=Copy&utm_medium=ListingManager&utm_campaign=Share&utm_term=so.lmsm&share_time=1683565699335

And now here is a more detailed break down if you need more info than that...

*Jonathan Frakes asks you things meme voice* have you ever wondered what you’d find if you REALLY lived forever?

Well, meet Eyan, an immortal vampire.

He’s slowly finding out the answer to that question...

...And it appears to be unbearable isolation.

Eons into the distant future, when most stars have faded in the night sky and the cosmic event horizon has confined any remaining beings to an isolated pocket of the universe, Eyan roams interstellar space in a repurposed generation ship in search of anything that could be considered alive/sentient in the way he is.

So far, he’s out of luck.

That is until he runs into an unexpected former rival on a remote planet - Zero, a sentient android he never expected to be the only other person left alive.

Well. That is, if either of them can really be considered “alive”. What does that mean anyway, when the humans who defined what it means to be alive are all gone?

This is something they’ll have to explore and define for themselves as they attempt to set aside their myriad of differences and try to work together on one of the few ways left to escape the dark fate of ultimate isolation - The Grand Encoder, a machine that can upload minds to a special medium - if it even works for them anyway. In the process, they slowly come to accept that maybe they’d had each other all wrong and weren’t seeing the bigger picture.

You may not find any action-packed Star Wars like escapades here in this sci fi drama. You also won’t find ponderings about the origins of vampires or what gave rise to robot sentience - It’s integral to the plot that these things just ARE. But you will find a thoughtful exploration of identity and how it can cause us to define ourselves and relate to (or abandon) each other depending on the framework within which we are doing that exploration and within which we are compelled to exist. It asks the question, what if the frameworks within which we defined our existence and purpose no LONGER existed...Where would we go from there?

And as two immortal guys who are the only folks left in the universe (as far as they know), Eyan and Zero are just the right people to mull over that.

There is both textual and allegorical queerness in this story - both main characters should be considered gay men, even if it’s The Future TM and terms/exact scopes of identities may not be EXACTLY 1-1 with today’s...But I want to be perfectly clear that it was my intent to make them gay because I wanted to see more gay guys in sci fi and I don’t want anyone erasing that. As for the allegorical stuff - I myself am a trans gay man in my late 30s, so this act of re-exploring and re-framing myself and evaluating how and why queer folks interact with each other the way we do is something I’m very familiar with, and I feel like other folks might relate. (I also peppered in some neurodivergent-person-in-a-neurotypical-world moods tbh.)

Of course it’s not all serious. I do have a bit of fun with some old school vampire tropes, tossing Eyan around and putting him in Situations.

Anyway if this all sounds interesting to you, take a look at my tag and site (above)! I’d appreciate it! I also like to hear from people and see if there’s anything about it you related to! :)

I also do everything. Every last monotonous step (well, aside from literally loading up a printing press to churn out volumes lol - BUT REST ASSURED IF I HAD $10K TO PISS INTO THE WIND I WOULD DO THAT TOO). So if there’s ANYTHING you want to know about my process, I’m happy to tell you so please ask, especially if you’re like trying to get started on your own comic or trying to go to print :) 

Edit before I go ahead and blaze this: I want to say, to be honest, the creation of comic was initially motivated almost entirely by the isolation/loneliness I’ve felt in my life. It’s not as bad as some folks’ and I know that, but it is a really prevalent thread throughout my life and sometimes is almost unbearable, and my comic began as an exploration of that loneliness, as well as a narrative exercise to try and express the depth of it at its worst point. I’m putting this out here because ultimately I don’t know...maybe someone will catch my drift and understand the feeling I’m trying to illustrate, and maybe they’ll want to see the plot that came of those feelings. I am not above the need to feel seen lol, especially if other people out there feel like they can resonate with this experience as well.

[diminuel]

Not to keep yapping about my thoughts, but, to throw some actual comfort into the angst. Prev post 1 Prev post 2

I don’t think Dragon could ever stop caring about Crocodile. Partly because of his guilt and shame, but also I think after a while he starts to realize he loved Crocodile for more than the escapism he offered. I don’t think he could after forget that. But he would probably resign himself to “Crocodile hates me, I’ve hurt him enough. He’s living a different life now. I can’t disturb that, I have no right to.” So just accepts he lost Crocodile and his chance at a family.

So I think Dragon would be more than willing to start a healing journey with Crocodile. But it’s all up to Crocodile whether it happens. Crocodile has a lot of pain to process and heal from. He has a lot of things he has to change his perspective on. He needs to see Dragon is willing and able to take accountability.

I truly think Marineford changed everything. I think it would have give Crocodile a new opportunity to really grow, and unpack his past. To finally truly heal instead of running away from and ignoring it. To see his baby.

I am really unsure how much Crocodile ever let himself truly feel, he probably just coped with it all through anger and shame. Never really wanted to process or understand, just push away and forget. I do also think no matter how much he shames himself for it, I can see him still admiring Dragon or at least not forgetting those cold quiet nights of them being together, loving each other.

So Crocodile has his heart-to-heart with Iva after Marineford. Iva punishes Dragon for his past choices. After sometime of them both moping, Iva suggests that it might be helpful if they both start talking. It doesn’t even have to be about any of the past. Just a simple, how are you. And if that can be good, maybe they can both finally address everything together. Iva probably has to take up the role as mediator, as he sees both sides and knows this can be good for them. Looking over Dragon’s shoulder, making sure he’s behaving.

It's definitely going to be a long, exhausting time before anything is truly better. But I can see them working it out. I’m sure Crocodile would be anxious to EVER make an intimate promise like before. So I don’t see it happening unless he can truly heal, and it’s what he wants and things will be good for him.

I don’t think Dragon would try to initiate any sort of like “hey I think we should talk again, or be partners again.” As that’s not really his call. Crocodile needs to feel he’s respected and in control here to build back trust. So I think Dragon would be pleased with anything Crocodile is wiling to give him. Whether that’s with the label “Partners” or not. I can definitely see them working something out.

(But I can def see them having long nice calls of just taking and being in each other presence. And or meeting up occasionally, and just fucking LOL!!)

Yeah, I think the perspective that distance and age brings might take some of the edge off of Crocodile's anger. He might be more understanding of what both of them got out of the relationship and he might also come to understand just how vital it to stay dedicated if you're leading an entire (sort of secret) organization. He understands how some things, even the most important and most precious things, will have to wait. Because they could wait, no matter how much it sucked to be pregnant and alone there weren't the lives of thousands at stake. (Crocodile was probably also isolated with only the midwife there to keep him infrequent, professional "company". Of course he withdraws into himself and stews in all the discomfort and loneliness and bitterness). But Dragon could not communicate that and Crocodile could not see it.

He does now. And maybe he does at times wonder how it would have been if they had overcome that. Because he did feel good with Dragon before everything crashed and burned around them.

But Marineford tore up a lot of wounds and despite it all, how is he able to cope with the choice Dragon made? A dead baby might have been a loss to put behind them and eventually move on. But a very much alive baby, that lie, the abandonment of it to the whims of Garp and Mountain Bandits?

The talking with Iva there as mediator would definitely help (especially since Iva will just be obnoxious and push and not let them sit on their resentments. He needs Dragon focused and it's in Crocodile's best interest to also figure this out.)

But yessss, phone calls and conversations and fucking. Hey, they've got a lot of pent up energy. And both of them probably haven't gotten laid in years. What's the worst that could happen?

[mrghostrat]

i appreciate all the kindness for my uni rejection, and anyone going through the same thing should def read through my replies if they need similar comfort. there’s a lot of “ATAR isn’t everything!” comments tho, which made me realise i haven’t actually talked much about my goals, so i wanted to share a little context.

i’m 30 (on the 17th). i took a gap year after high school and i went to uni at 19. i even dropped out a semester before graduating to pursue the one thing that was making me happy (my first original comic) during a really bad depression (undiagnosed adhd burnout). i got the last units and graduated a year later, a bachelor of game design.

haven’t used my degree once. i went into comics and freelance rather than games. but i also loved that degree and would do it all again, it was absolutely worth it.

i’ve been freelance and self sufficient for 6-7 years, and it’s fun and i’m proud of the things i’ve made, but i’m so tired. i’m specifically tired of having to work 7 different angles to make up one sufficient salary, and even if it ends up being temporary, i’d give anything for a 9-5. have someone else in charge for once.

got to the end of my rope last year and sat down to figure out what i like and what i’m good at. a Life Plan, yknow. i’ve always had an interest in teaching, helping, connecting like that. figured out degrees and became really invested in this new trajectory i pictured my life going on. i was also tired of waiting, because every time i wanted to move back to the city from this tiny town we’re in, somethings come up or delayed it. so zita helped me figure out how we could get the ball rolling and break our lease 3 months early, so we could move back to melbourne and i could start my degree this year. we looked for (and found) an apartment specifically on the side of the city that would be closest to my campus.

i hope that gives a lil context as to why i’m so devastated right now. the last 5 months have been me revving up to start this new chapter at the end of feb and one little email said nah.

the degree i wanted to do was a double degree, secondary education (hons) and a BA of fine arts. i was equally excited for both, because i never got to do a lot of actual art learning in my last degree, and the BA would give me all of that— life drawing, sculpting, painting, wood/metal/jewellery working, digital, fuckin everything. but it was the less important of the pair, when it comes to getting myself a job as an art teacher, because i already have the art experience. it was just a fun bonus, and the education degree was the one i NEEDED.

in nov i had to travel to melbourne to present a portfolio and interview for the BA. they showed me around the studio too, and i fell a little bit in love. i got the acceptance email in december, but i still didn’t have an offer for the education degree. another reason why i’m so discombobulated— i technically have an invitation, but it’s for the less important degree that would just be a money sink. do i go to uni anyway?? or just ignore this invitation and move on?

my state recently made education/teaching degrees free as a way of encouraging more teacher jobs. i learnt about this after i decided i wanted to pursue teaching, so it was just a fun lil bonus that i wouldn’t be adding to my student debt. apparently not, bc i didn’t think about how every teenager and their dog would apply for teaching degrees so they could get straight into uni without any debt. so, even tho i’m a graduate and i’m not relying on school scores, i was one in a million, likely just numbers on a page, and didn’t get in.

there could be other paths. i could start the BA and add the Edu degree later? i could reapply for mid year intake. i could… idk, most of what i could do requires emailing Monash and asking wtf, because i have no idea what’s actually possible and will need someone to lay it out for me.

still feels like i’ve run into a brick wall though. little bit shut down. more sad, not quite angry, but suddenly really spiteful for some reason— like “oh, you don’t want me? okay fuck you then, i won’t ever teach.” so stupid. just a bit fragile rn

[elliewithcellie]

Long Cool Woman - Chapter 4

chapter summary: It's date night, and you get a little carried away. The brothers are less than thrilled.

wc: 4.6k

cw: ANGST, brothers are mad lol, SMUT ADJACENT (18+), heavy makeout, some *touching*, Sam's def jealous, reader still oblivious, reader cries, Dean plays good big brother again, mention of scars

a/n: yes it's theo james as the James fan cast sue me. Find the rest of the story here

Across from the table sat James, looking as perfect as you had met him that morning. You couldn’t believe you had ended the night here. Never in your recent wildest dreams did you picture yourself on a date, much less to be picked among fifty actual models. It was hard to believe a man as dreamy as him would want a girl like you, but the chemistry made up for it in your mind.

“So,” James began, “how does a girl like you get caught up in something like this?”

“Girl like me? What do you mean?”

“I mean, those other pageant girls are all the same. They’re all self-absorbed and can’t think of anything else they’d do with their time other than look pretty. But you, you’re different. You’re not like them, are you?”

You blushed and reached for your water. “Oh, I don’t know…” You struggled to find the right response. “I guess you could say it’s the family business. I’m just the girl of the family so…”

James leaned in. “Oh, wow. I knew it. It’s really only a job for you. That’s fascinating. Have you ever wanted to do anything else? If you could quit this life today, what would you do?”

He had no idea what a loaded question that was. What you would give to have your old life back. The life where monsters didn’t exist, and you could pursue a college education, or a trade, something normal that other people get to experience. “Maybe when this is all over, I’d go to school to learn psychology or something. The science of the mind has always been so intriguing to me. I don’t know. It’s hard not to look at my life and feel behind. But I guess you have to roll with the punches, you know?”

“I know exactly what you mean.” James reached for your hand. The hold was warm, firm. “Growing up, I felt like I had no say in what my future held. My dad was a mechanic. Told me I was going to be, too. He was harsh, to say the least, about my interest in creativity. If I as much as held a camera, it was enough to set him off. He’d tell me that if I was going to be the head of a household, I had to do something honorable. Making movies was a waste of time to him. My mom supported me in secret. She’s who gave me my first video camera. She’s who let me play pretend with my friends before my dad returned from work. But she left when I was young.”

“I’m so sorry,” you said, the confession startling you.

“Yeah, well. It was hard for a while with just my dad. Fights would break out, and all that, until finally I told him that I couldn’t follow his path for me anymore. So, then I left. I went to school to study videography. I loved it. I still do, but I’m scared I made a mistake. What if my dad was right all along? And what if I have to return home with the knowledge that I failed?”

“But you haven’t failed,” you said, hoping to comfort him. “Look at what you’re doing now. You’re directing a program that’ll be broadcast nationwide! Like, that’s not something you should look past, you know? To me, you’ve succeeded.”

James’ shoulders settled back into a natural state as a small smile formed on his face. “Thank you. I really needed to hear that. You are truly something else.”

His fingers played with yours in his grasp, and you did everything you could to focus on anything else. But it was hypnotic the way his touch set you ablaze with the simple graze of his thumb. Like falling under a spell, you fought to keep the conversation going.

“But enough about me,” James continued. “Please, tell me everything.”

So, you did. You practically shared your entire upbringing. Almost all of it was the truth, only lying to shoehorn in anything you knew from watching Toddlers and Tiaras. James soaked up every word, attentive to every phrase, and his eyes swallowed yours whole. It was like he was thirsty for more, no matter what you gave him. No one had ever given you this much attention before. You were worried any more would set you over the edge.

You had long since finished your dinner, the conversation never settling once. The first interruption of the night came from your phone buzzing in your pocket.

“Sorry,” you said as you pulled out your phone. The time read 9:32 pm, and an unread message from Dean waited for your response.

“tick tock” was all it said. You rolled your eyes.

“Is everything ok?” James asked.

You sighed. “Yeah, it’s just my, uh, my brother. He wants me to head back.”

James scrunched his eyebrows before releasing a small laugh. “Is he the boss?” he asked. You noted the sarcasm that coated the question.

“Yeah, actually. I don’t mean to cut this short.”

“Oh, no, not at all. I can take you back.” James paid for the meal, and the two of you set back on the road toward the hotel.

The radio hummed along with the steady drone of the engine, but the tension building between the two of you was much louder. His hand rested on your thigh as he drove, something your high school self would have panicked over. You were close to panicking now. Every bump in the road served as an excuse for his hand to drift, either deeper into your muscle, or higher and higher. You fought your rising temperature, but you were hot. The reminder of the rubber in your back pocket didn’t ease your nerves. It only strengthened them.

James pulled into a parking space in the back of the hotel, a secluded area away from the road.

“Do you have to go?” James asked, his eyes tracing over each of your features. You checked the time. 9:54.

“We’re cutting it close,” you said. Your voice was not your own. It was breathy, softer than usual. The hold he had on you was intoxicating. His eyes stayed on yours, and his chest heaved up and down. Your heart fluttered in your chest. “I had a really great time,” you said.

“Wait,” he said. “Just one more thing before you go.”

He reached across the center console and pulled you into a kiss. Your heart pounded against your chest, threatening to explode on impact. Your shock settled into desire, longing, and something deep within you that you’d never had access to until now.

You kissed back like it was second nature, a skill you never lost. You found your arms wrapped around the back of his neck, fighting to be closer. James’ hands got lost in your hair and grabbed a fistful. You moaned into his mouth. He raised his eyebrows and smirked against you, his hand venturing to your waist.

“This stupid car,” James groaned, sitting back in his seat. “Come here.”

You were nothing if not a good listener. Fighting how flustered you felt, you crossed over the console into the driver’s seat and straddled him. You had never been this close to a guy before, but now was not the time to think. You pulled him back toward you for a kiss, his tongue quick to join the action. You followed suit, a moan escaping your lips as his hands found purchase on your hips. His hands were rough, kneading into your flesh as he rolled you against him. Your breath hitched against his mouth.

“You’re amazing,” he said between kisses. “God, it’s like you were made for me.”

Your mind was numb, the praise sending you over the edge. His hands roamed to the front of your jeans and undid the button.

“Woah, wait,” you said out of breath.

James groaned. “Don’t tease me, baby.”

You melted at the name. You rested your head on his. “I can’t. I’m sorry.”

Then your phone buzzed. And again. And again.

“Shit. Shit!” You lurched over to your phone to see two missed calls from Dean. You shuffled through to the passenger side and opened the door.

“I’m so sorry. I have to go. I’m late. I didn’t mean to lead you on. I’m not that type of girl. But I have to go.”

“It’s ok,” James said with a small smile. “Go.”

“Thank you for tonight. It was amazing.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow.”

You smiled and closed the door. You ran to the lobby and called Dean back. “I’m so sorry. I’m fine. I’m here. I’m running up now, ok?”

“Ok,” was all you heard on the other line. You were in deep shit.

The elevator took its sweet time transferring you to the second floor as if to taunt you of your failings. You checked the time. 10:20. Almost 30 minutes of making out with a stranger? This was not good.

The elevator chimed. You bolted out of the doors and ran straight to your room. You scanned your room key and opened the door. Both brothers were on their feet when you entered, their attention already on you.

“I said ten,” Dean said, his voice unnervingly level.

“I know. I—”

“No, I don’t think you do.” Dean stepped closer to you. “Because when I say ten, I don’t mean twenty minutes after. I don’t mean it as a suggestion. I mean ten on the dot. I even gave you a warning text, just in case! That was an hour ago!”

“I’m sorry,” you said sincerely. “We really did head back when you texted. I swear. We parked at 9:54.”

“There’s still a thirty-minute block of time not being accounted for, isn’t there?” Dean crossed his arms over his chest.

The color drained from your face as flashbacks of the night attacked your memories. “I’m sorry,” you said again. “We lost track of time.”

“I’m sure you did,” Sam said, his words pointed.

You jumped at his words, not used to his biting tone. “What’s that supposed to mean?” you asked, your voice low, almost daring him to continue.

Sam shook his head. “We were worried sick, and you’re out there getting handsy with the first guy you meet.”

“Sam,” Dean warned.

“Woah, what?” You took a step back. “The time thing I get. I’m on your clock. And I want to make it up to you. But what I do on my time is my business.”

“Whatever,” Sam said. “I just hope it was worth it.”

Your jaw dropped at his final words, the audacity to be disgusted with you without knowing the truth. It was your business. Who gave him the right to assume? You fought the urge to call him jealous. Your own brash assumption would only make you a hypocrite.

Sam grabbed his laptop and duffle bag from the side of the bed. “Dean, give me the keys.”

“Where are you going?” Dean asked.

“Out. I’ll be back in the morning.”

Dean tossed him the keys. Sam headed for the door, but you stood in his way. You reached your boiling point.

“For the record,” you said, each word burning on your tongue, “things did get heated, but I shut it down. It was too much, and I wasn’t ready. So, maybe next time come with proof before you call someone a whore.” You fished the condom out of your back pocket and shoved it against Sam’s chest. “Here. I hope you have more use for this than I did.”

Sam’s heart pounded where your hand rested. The two of you stared each other down. Even then you weren’t afraid of him. As tall, strong, and powerful as he was, his anger was nothing more than an emotion, never a physical sign of danger. You were thankful for that. You felt your breathing slow with the pace of his heart. His eyes softened at your touch, almost remorseful.

Sam took the condom from your hand. He shoved it in his pocket and moved around you to open the door. He left without another word.

“What the fuck was that?” Dean said.

“Dean, I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to fight. I really do want to make it up to you guys. You guys are taking the time to teach me, and I’m on your clock. I just don’t get why he gets to stay out when I have a curfew. I’m not sixteen.”

“You’re still not getting it,” Dean said, exasperated. “This isn’t a maturity thing. This isn’t you clocking in at the deli. We work with life-and-death stakes here. On his deathbed, Bobby made us promise him your safety. He begged us to keep you safe. And he was everything to us. If we can’t do that one thing for him…”

You sat and listened, a heightened realization of your value setting in. “I’m sorry.”

“So, of course, we freaked out,” Dean continued. “We’re here to protect you. And we care about you, ok? So, don’t get that twisted. What Sam said was unwarranted. He’s dealing with his own demons at the moment. But he’ll apologize in the morning. I’m sure of it. But it’s just like I said. We can’t lose you, ok?”

You sighed and headed for your duffle bag. “Well, please let me know what I can do to make this right. It won’t happen again. I mean it.”

“I know it won’t,” said Dean. “Let’s just sleep this off before—”

Before he could finish his thought, Castiel apparated in the center of the room.

“Cas? What are you doing here? Are you hurt?” Dean jumped from the bed and took Castiel’s trench coat off, assessing for injuries.

“I’m fine, Dean,” Castiel said monotone. “I checked the bunker, but you all were not there. I have some news for you. Oh, hello, Y/N. Where is Sam?”

“Hi, Castiel. He had to clear his head apparently,” you mumbled, still feeling burned.

“What’s the news?” Dean asked. “Does it have to do with this hunt? Because we’re at a standstill right now.”

“There is definitely something going on here,” said Castiel, “but the town is too quiet.”

“So, it wouldn’t be a ghost, right?” Dean asked. “Sam and I were waiting for something to happen, but nothing. Ghosts don’t pause. Living things do.”

“If it’s not a ghost then, what do you need from me?” you asked.

Dean turned to you. “It’s all the more reason to stick to what you did today. You’ll really need to pay attention to your surroundings. Use what we and Bobby taught you to see if there’s anything fishy going on.”

A memory from the morning flashed in your mind. “You know what? I did see something weird. There was a window open in the lobby. And on the windowsill was like a pile of dirt. Maybe sawdust, or something.”

Dean and Castiel shared a knowing look before returning to you. “Show us,” Dean ordered.

You led the way to the lobby, Dean and Castiel trailing close behind. But when you walked up to the window, it had been closed and was completely clean.

“It was here, I swear,” you said confused. “They must have cleaned it.”

“Describe to us again what it looked like,” Castiel said.

“It was yellow and powdery, like pollen almost. But I’ve never seen pollen just clumped like that, certainly not inside.”

“Judging by your description, that sounds like sulfur.”

“Shit,” Dean said. “We’re dealing with a demon.”

The air got sucked from your lungs. A ghost you were ready to handle. That’s what you trained for. All you had to do was salt and burn some bones. Ghosts were predictable, more or less. It was something that you were confident you could hunt. This was a whole new level. Your mind flashed to your family and the black eyes that took them. You thought of the demon that almost killed you, how unprepared you were even with your years of studying. You couldn’t breathe. The blood drained from your face and fear took its place.

“You with us?” Dean stirred you from your impending panic.

You nodded, not able to find words convincing enough.

“Let’s head back to the room. It’s getting late, and we got our work cut out for us, tomorrow.”

Castiel vanished, and Dean called Sam to fill him in, leaving you to return to your room alone. Your heart was caught in your throat, your lungs restricted. You were unable to shake the dread clawing at your skin, the scars on your arms a permanent reminder of the damage a demon could wreak.

When Dean returned, you had already climbed into Sam’s bed. His pillow left traces of him, the scent decompressing your stress like a hug as you settled deeper into the mattress. You caught yourself. His words still stung, and his exit hurt worse. You tossed his pillow to the side in exchange for yours and huffed back in bed. Dean had said Sam took it too far. But why? What had him fuming to the point of leaving for an entire night? Guilt resurfaced as you were reminded of your evening. You were going to make it up to him, both of them, whatever it took.

“What’s wrong?” Dean said from the other bed. “You’re moving a lot.”

“Sorry. I’m fine. I’ll be quiet.”

Silence filled the darkness. You were careful to lie still hoping to let Dean sleep, but to no avail.

“You’re worried,” Dean said as he turned on the lamp between you.

You released a shaky breath. “I guess so, yeah.”

“About?”

You bit your lip. “Well, I’m thinking about Sam being so upset with me that he couldn’t be here.”

“I told you not to worry about that.”

“But you were mad too. You gave me a rule, and I broke it. And now, it’s not ghosts we’re after but full-on demons. There’s an emotional stake now. Ghosts didn’t kill my family or give me these.”

You held out your arms where your scars stained your skin. Dean’s eyes filled with remorse as he examined your scars.

“I couldn’t follow a simple curfew, Dean!” You continued, tears welling up in your eyes. “How am I supposed to be trusted to save the lives of these women when it’s demons? Dean, I’m so scared.”

You cried into your hands, unable to contain your emotions any longer. Dean sat on the edge of your bed and nudged your shin. “Hey, look at me,” he said.

You begrudgingly obeyed, your eyes puffy as your vision adjusted through your tears.

“People make mistakes. Everyone. You, me, Sam, everyone. It’s not a sign of your character. It’s a sign you’re human. You think being late removes every good thing you’ve done in the past year? No, dude. You’re fine. It doesn’t mean you don’t learn from it. And it doesn’t mean I have to like it, so I called you out. Just like you called Sam out for his mistake. You learn and move on. It has no bearing on tomorrow. I know I could do better at this, but you don’t hold grudges with family.”

You looked up at him in surprise. Family. He saw you as family.

“As for the demon, I know you’re scared. You’re not alone there. We don’t talk about it, but our origins are more alike than you may think.”

“Really?” you asked, scooting closer to him, your legs crossed.

“Yeah.” Dean sighed. “So, I get you. I do. But we’ve got you, ok? Both of us do. And besides, you’ve had Bobby teaching you almost since you got there, right? You’re more capable than I think you realize. But you’re safe with us, ok?”

You nodded, settling your tense shoulders back into place.

“I hate to say this,” Dean began, “well, then maybe I shouldn’t.” He moved to get up.

You grabbed his shoulder. “No, wait. Tell me.”

He sat back and sighed. “In all honesty, when we found out you existed, I hated you. I was so insanely jealous of what you had.”

“What do you mean?” you asked, your voice soft.

“You had Bobby. I mean, well, first off, you had a normal childhood. But I wouldn’t wish this life on anyone. But you had Bobby to take care of you every day. He kept you a secret from us for years. But once the cat was out of the bag, you were all he talked about. He would tell us how funny you were, your favorite shows, any small thing that had happened that he thought was remotely interesting. He was proud of you. You were like a daughter to him, and I think I resented you for that. Because he was like a father to me.”

His admission rattled you. You began to realize you didn’t know the entire history of the Winchesters. And if he was jealous of your situation, he and Sam must have endured some horrible circumstances.

“So, when we had to get you,” Dean continued, “I was furious. I wanted nothing to do with you, which is why we fought way back when. But when you threatened to leave, I realized we couldn’t lose you. You’re all we have left of him. By joining us, we got to find out that everything Bobby said about you is true. It made you really hard to hate.”

You chuckled, your cheeks rouging slightly.

“I don’t know where all this is coming from,” Dean said, suddenly bashful over his ramblings. “I guess my point is that you’re pretty cool, in an annoying little sister kind of way. I know we had a rocky start, but I don’t ever want you to feel like you’re not welcome by me, ok?”

You moved to sit next to him on the bed. “Can I hug you?”

“I’ll allow it,” Dean said. He pulled you into his side.

You wrapped your arms around him and rested your head on his shoulder. “For the record,” you said, “you were all I heard about, too. So, I think that makes us even.”

He hummed in response and patted your shoulder. “Ok, enough of this chick-flick shit. I’m headed to bed.”

A full laugh bubbled out of you, your first full laugh of the day. Dean smiled back as he turned the light off, and you drifted off to sleep in minutes.

You woke up the next morning not to an alarm, but to the door unlocking. You sprung up from bed, your heart thudding against your ribcage.

“It’s me. You’re fine. You’re safe. It’s Sam.”

Your eyes adjusted in the dark room as you watched Sam close the distance between you. He rested a hand on your shoulder as you tried to relax your breathing.

“Sorry,” you said through shaking breaths.

“You’re ok. Just breathe.” Sam rubbed small circles into your back with his thumb. “Same dream?”

You nodded, shuddering against him. It never got easier. You had hoped that time would heal your wounds, but something struck you as unfinished. An unwanted message to your subconscious, it was almost like you were missing something.

“What time is it? It feels early.”

Dean interrupted your question with a soft snore.

“It’s close to seven,” Sam said. He sat on the bed next to you and paused. He looked as if he was contemplating his words carefully before he spoke, almost nervous. “Would you be ok, when you’re ready, if we talked over coffee this morning? I don’t want to wake Dean up, and honestly, it’s not his business.”

You looked over at Dean. Not a single thought rattled around his head as he slept on his stomach with his mouth agape. You returned your attention to Sam. “Uh, sure. Coffee sounds nice.”

The two of you found a table in the back of the breakfast bar. Your coffee warmed your hands and the tip of your nose in the otherwise frigid lobby. Your body betrayed you, a shiver coursing under your skin from the contrasting temperatures.

“You’re cold,” Sam said.

“Ehh.” You shrugged.

“I should have told you to grab a sweater or something.”

“I’ll be ok.”

Sam removed his flannel and rested it on your shoulders. You bit your lip, trying to deter a blush from forming. “Thank you,” you said.

He nodded, a small smile residing on his features before faltering again. “Listen, I wanted to talk to you about last night. I shouldn’t have said what I did. I got so bent out of shape over your safety that I was, disheartened, to say the least, to find out you were here the whole time. Your time is your business, just like you said. And I respect that. I have to respect it if I want to respect you.” He lowered his voice. “I—I don’t think you’re a whore, by the way. It all just, you know, caught me off guard. So, I’m really sorry I hurt you. It wasn’t fair of me to say any of it. I care about you and never want to make you feel that way.”

Your thoughts wandered to the night before. “It did hurt, but because it felt so unlike you more than anything. I didn’t know where it was coming from, you know? But what hurt the most was when you left. It was mostly guilt. I couldn’t believe you were leaving over it all, and I couldn’t shake it. I was so upset to have hurt you so bad, but I couldn’t figure out why. I ended up breaking down to Dean I felt so bad. But he explained everything.”

“He did?” Sam asked, his eyes wide. “What did he say?”

“He said I’m all you guys have left of Bobby, and if you lost me, you’d completely lose him.”

Sam released a breath and sipped his coffee.

“And I guess you guys are the same to me in some ways,” you continued. “I’ve been ungrateful.”

“You haven’t.”

“I have though. Over the past year, I’ve lived a self-centered view of my situation. Being tossed from stranger to stranger and ordered to stay inside the rest of my life. That’s how I saw it. I felt trapped, stunted even. So, maybe yesterday I made some impulsive choices. But in my mind yesterday, it was eight years in the making. It was my first night to so much as to get a taste of a typical adult life. It was the first time a man asked me out. I had to take advantage of that because what if it never happens again?”

Sam’s eyebrows scrunched together at your words but let you continue.

“But,” you breathed out, “it was a selfish endeavor, and I know it. Last night, Dean reminded me that I wasn’t being tossed around by strangers but by people who had so much love for each other that they willingly let me be a part of their circle. I’m sorry for taking advantage of your time. Because now I know it wasn’t just time; it was safety and the relationships we’ve formed over the last year, and I will not take that for granted anymore.”

Sam gave you a small smile. “That was…really well said. You’re family to us. And it’s just that we care a lot, ok? So, are we good, now?”

You smiled back. “Yes, we’re good. I promise to make it up to you.”

“You already are.”

The comfort exuding from Sam began to flood your senses. You’d spend all your time with him if he’d let you, completely content to remain in his space.

“We should probably be getting back,” Sam said, shuffling out of his seat. “We have a big day ahead of us.”

chapter 5

[c-rose2081]

AGDUSHFUEBDHDHD YOUR RECENT FIC WAS SO FUCKING GOOD LIKE AGHHHHHH

Bridget being such a sweet and caring liek cutie pie. Thinking Chloe might have a fear of blood or something is so adorable. And honestly now I’m just chucking every available fear or weakness Headcanon onto Chloe like she’s shopping cart of angst. Cause yeah Chloe def would have a fear of blood despite her ironic love of swords and shields.

God I knew it all along but somehow it wasn’t even fucking hitting me that Chloe in the movie migrates to her mom not only cause it’s her mom, but it’s her MOM. Her mom who’s DEAD. She’s seeing her mom ALIVE in some way and that must be so fucking conflicting to her and for Ella to have been so cold to her must have been mind breakingly painful. Cause fuck. I totally get the morally gray Ella vibes but Ella’s attitude towards Chloe the whole time was honestly just rude. Like saying that she doesn’t deserve her shoes just cause it was a good thing? Like no that’s not the point at all. The point should have been thag rewards like that are a privilege. And that assuming others have that isn’t good. Not that being rewarded for good behavior WITHOUT EXPECTING IT somehow makes you some prissy uptight monster. Like ugh I could rant about that forever I think they handled that HORRIBLY. Like they’re really trying to make Chloe look like she worked for nothing and just expects lavish gifts. Like NO?! She’s getting straight As. Working herself to the bone for swords and shields. And yes we should all just normally strive to it, but being a good person takes fucking work. Being nice and honorable and kind to all has so much strength! These are all amazing things and it’s not a bad thing at all Chloe was rewarded for it. She worked hard for all of it. It’s the assumption that everyone else’s life is similar and that their is no grey area that’s the bad part. That’s what I wish they focused on.

Anywhoooo. Chloe being rejected AND seeing the blood on her hand must have been so fucking painful. I mean it’s nearly like a graphic symbol of her mom being so brutally decapitated. And Ella with that mother line like GOD. Chloe must feel so damn alone. And I definitely think they overlooked how emotional she should be. Like they needed to incorporate the breakdown you just wrote.

and lordy it must be so fucking painful cause in a cruel twist of irony, the person who decapitated her mom is the one comforting her. The one soothing her and hugging her and taking care of her. Acting so motherly in her own way it must make Chloe miss her own mom even MORE. And any comfort from Bridget must be so damn conflicting cause she’s the enemy. But no one else is comforting her so she’ll take it. Ugh beautiful masterpiece.

LOL and of course I’m a die hard bridgella fan so it’s so fun to see more Bridget and Ella interacting. Like YES Ella stops as soon as she realized she snapped at her precious angel Bridget. YES Bridget is the only one able to get through to Ella when she’s going through something. Yes after Ella apologizes Bridget gives her a kiss and they go snuggle together. Wait huh-

anyway. Adored this fic entirely. I’m vaguely curious to see Ella’s apology now honestly. And I’m also wondering where tf red went. Like girly just disappeared without checking on Chloe 😭

Thank you for reading I’m so glad you enjoyed! I love writing angst so much, especially around Chloe and the lack of grief from Chloe’s end really bugged me in the film.

I’m not sure if I’ll actually write Ella’s apology or not? And as for Red, I actually have an idea about that. She probably goes to break down herself somewhere, cause naturally RED knows fully well how painful it is for Chloe to get rejected by her own mother, because it’s partly her fault Cinderella’s dead. She doesn’t go to comfort Chloe cause I imagine this happens right after they arrive? Like, they hardly know one another yet so they aren’t actually ‘friends’ yet.

Anyway, thanks so much for this! I always love hearing what you have to say 😊

[idyllic-affections]

i love “a winter nights lazzo” that you just posted!!! now all i’m thinking about is childe being kind and caring towards the kid the second they get to liyue. and the kid immediately figures out where his money is going when he gets them nice weapons/meals and gets them quality clothes suitable for liyue (and potentially other regions if they wish to go).

summary. a general expansion on what childe's relationship with pantalone's kid is like.

trigger & content warnings. mentions of childe (accidentially) injuring reader.

tropes, pairings, fic length, & other notes. fluff, found family-ish. childe & pantalone's child!reader. 0.3k words. they/them pronouns for reader. prev | next

author's thoughts. REAL!!!! i don't usually write for childe, since i'm still working on getting his personality right, but these are just some of the thoughts i've had about him and pantalone's child.

among the harbingers, it is a well known fact that childe absolutely spoils [name] (as if their own father doesn't do that enough...). he is the closest in age to them and tends to view them as if they were another sibling of his, so it's no wonder that he's so... doting.

i like to think childe is an impulse spender tbh, especially when they arrive in liyue. he pays close attention to the little things they mention. he listens and remembers. if they express interest in something, he'll absolutely get it for them, even though they are capable of paying for themselves.

he def gets them cool weapons idc!!! should he be giving a 16 year old this really dangerous sword? no, probably not, but it's fine!!!!! he spars with them on a regular basis anyways!!! he knows what they can and can't handle!!!!!!! actually, childe was forbidden from sparring with them after he accidentially hurt them one time. he got his pay cut in half that month as a consequence... now arlecchino is the only one allowed to physically train them, but still!! childe does pay attention to their physical state. he swears he knows what they can and can't handle.

(childe also encourages them to take on weapons they aren't good with. i personally think they have a weak upper body, so things like claymores, bows... yeah. they refuse to work with claymores, but admit that knowing how to use a bow might be useful. childe isn't allowed to teach them, but he is thrilled nonetheless.)

he totally does get them really high quality clothes made only from the finest silk flowers. of course, he also gets them clothes that have good functionality. they can't really say they mind this, because... i mean. they are a debt collector. they need clothes with good functionality.

he's also rather fascinated by their ability to use pyro without a vision. he knows someone else like that... he doesn't dare compare them to the traveler, though; childe knows that they'd be pissed if he so much as implied that they're anything like the vile one responsible for their mother figure's death.

overall he's just a pretty kind, doting brother figure that treats [name] like a normal-ish kid, and honestly?

i think they'd appreciate that a lot.

please consider reblogging, it helps me out quite a lot!

[jannythewriter-pt2]

Collage Feels Pt.3

It’s the week after the party and you and Connie have been texting for a minute, both liking when the other text first, but of course Connie texted first. At this moment, you were getting ready for Connie to come over to your dorm so he could help you with one of your stupid class assignments 😟.

Right now you’re in the shower and you hear your phone buzz…it’s from Connie. “Hey I’ll be there in 5” the text said, you replied with a simple “ok, I’m so excited” and finished your shower. You got out and put on an oversized shirt, your silk black bonnet and some short shorts. You touched up in the mirror, applying one more coat of lipgloss and a spray of strawberry pound cake perfume and just then you heard a Knock at your door. “He’s mf’n here” you said in your head nervously.

You open the door and GAH DAMN Connie was looking so mf’n fine 😫. He was wearing a black under armour compression shirt with gray sweatpants, black cats, an iced out Cuban link chain, and you could see the waist band of his underwear and you could see his print. (And y’all that dick was dickin 😫) You were staring hard and he caught onto this, “you see sum you like ma” he says in a flirtatious tone “nigga get in here” you say in a sarcastic tone.

“Your dorm is nice asf, and it smells like vanilla in here” he says admirably. “Thank you hun, I like keeping a clean space, making sure my shit is mf’n organized cause don’t nobody want a nasty ass bitch” I said with confidence. “Nah cause you’re right about that shit” Connie said laughing as he put his Luis Vitton bag down on the floor. “Sophia what you need help on ma” he said in his deep voice, “I can’t figure out the formula for this equation” I show Connie the problems. “Yeh we’re gonna be here for a mf’n while” Connie says defeated.

It’s been 2 hours and you finally finished your work and you actually get what’s going on. “I should prolly go, ik you got other things you gotta do so imma get out of your hair” Connie said “Nah nigga you ain’t going nowhere. I did not just call you over to help me with my work. We finna order takeout and watch Baddies tf” you said pissed off that this mf was thinking you just wanted him for help and that’s it.

“Deadass, like fr?!” Connie says surprised, “Yes Connie I’m not that typa girl who’s just gon use you for her benefit, know that” this makes Connie smile to himself, he’s never met any girl who doesn’t just want to use him for his smarts, or who doesn’t want to fuck him, your different. “What you wanna eat ma?” Connie ask and you say “Def Chinese, I want orange chicken and white rice” “aight I’ll put the order in” Connie says “I’ll go get my ca-“ your cut off when Connie says “fuck no, sit yo pretty ass down somewhere, I’m paying ma” this makes you feel hot and bothered, this more dominant side of him, the sexy side of him���. “ o-ok” you stutter out shook.

It was a few hours later and y’all were watching baddies, and Connie was being real cuddly, not only that but he was being a lil…..touchy. “Please ma just come here, I wanna hold you, I promise I’ll take you out just come here” in your head your so nervous to make a move, but you a bad bitch so you do your big one. “Fine Constance” you take the blanket off of you and instead of cuddling up to him, you do something unexpected to Connie, you climb on his lap, wrap your arms around his neck, and you sat there, looking into his hazel eyes. You notice a slight pink dusted over his cheeks. “I ain’t even gon lie, your to fine for me to leave you without making you mine” Connie said quietly “you gon treat me right baby?” You said in a serious tone, “I promise ma, I promise” Connie says sincerely “ok pa, I’ll give you a chance”

Yall the next part gon be a lil bit of smutt 😫

[wulvercazz]

Thinking about dancer Grimmjow a lot🫢💦 and maybe artist Ichigo 🥺💕

Ichigo who’s always looking for inspiration, always a sketchbook and some sort of graphite or pen on hand; drawing strangers is great practice after all.

Him sitting outside a dance studio, perhaps? 👀 idk yet exactly what kind of dancer, but I imagine Grimmjow would do something that requires a lot of elasticity and movement. He’s the type that knows a bit of everything but likes stuff that occupies his whole body and honestly enjoys using new alt music most, like contemporary dance, something that feels almost like gymnastics to him.

Ichigo goes there regularly, he finds dancers of any kind are great for dynamic drawings, and one of the younger students’ teachers there knows him and knows he’s not some sort of creep; he’ll even show her at times the drawings he’s made of her choreographies. Yoruichi just loves to look at herself, he’s sure.

But the studio doesn’t just host children and teens’ dance classes; older, more experienced dancers go there to work and practice and meet-up for future projects (he’s come to learn, on the times Yoru spooks him away from having his nose buried between paper and pen).

It’s always great when new dancers come in, all with different dance styles, approaches to the art, different faces and even body types.

Then he comes along. Aggressive in his art, but somehow careful, graceful like a feline, sure of himself and his skills. Shoots a cold look his way the first time he sees him, Ichigo’s almost ashamed of the little crush that flourishes from the way this man so easily puts him down with his eyes.

Maybe not right away, but he can’t deny that very look chases him even now. Sketching away on a farther bench than usual in case the guy with the blue hair and the jaguar tattoo sees him drawing him, again.

Nothing inherently wrong with it— mind you, he’s still not being a creep. The guy hasn’t asked him to stop, hasn’t said much at all actually; brushed off his stuttered apology and only winked his way when asked if he should stop.

But god forbid he ever give Grimmjow fucking Jaegerjaquez the satisfaction of catching him sketching the perfect curve of his spine with the eyes of a maniac, again. Looming over him with a predatory grin and an accusatory, amused, look that knew —Ichigo knows he knew— exactly how many times he’d practiced that stupid curve.

also I’m headcanoning Grimmjow as mexican/german, bc I can✨ mexican mom and german dad, so he is fluent in spanish, german and english and totally speaks with a jumble of all three when he’s in comfortable company, def think he lived most of his life in mexico tho bc yes,,, also maybe sibling Nelliel??? yes🥹??? Not mentioned either but I’m thinking this is Ichigo studying at an art school abroad too 🤔✨

none of this is super important to the au bc I’m just here to throw my obsession with drawing Grimm’s pretty body at Ichigo lmaooo but ,, ye spanish-speaking grimmjow and *uwu twirls hair, draws your pretty butt as flirting* Ichigo lmaoo💕

also ofc they end up fucking, bc it’s me ofc they do— and maybe there’s a moment when Ichigo’s fckn balls deep and the mofo’s like— ‘wait don’t move- can I draw your cock?’ *is already manifesting a sketchbook* Grimmjow is horrified, but also flattered,,, and apparently not even that can make his dick go limp for the red-head so… fine he can draw his cock while he’s just there splayed half on his lap, half on the bed, and fully on his stupid dick.

[crguang]

haven’t read kafka’s voice lines in a minute, but I just reread them, and like I need to know more. like her being a devil hunter. why were there devils on her planet in the first place, was it bc of the stellar on or just like smth else. why’d she become one. and it was always interesting to me that it seems like she kind of didn’t like her home planet, obviously she could be lying. ig she wasn’t that close to her family and she probably didn’t have friends bc she’s a loser and isn’t good at connecting w people. And I’m curious abt where and when she started saying "When making friends with someone, keep the right distance, in order to maintain a long-lasting relationship." and firefly thinks she doesn’t believe that? if Kafka didn’t care abt anyone on her home planet ig that would make sense? idk hsjjghsh I’m not coherent enough but I need more Kafka. I do wonder abt how people who can’t feel fear yk survive and all, but idk. Her sea voice like is also interesting like why was that such a personal place?

Also my fighter between the two kafcats os probably the happy one bc she’s just so cute…I want to a symphony a few days ago and I couldn’t stop thinking abt Kafka, like violin=kafka for me. She def would liked it, trust me. On a side note, do u think she’d be concert master? it’s like the best (violin I think) player and everyone tunes to them bc, and they usually get all the violin solos.

and I’m gonna have to clear out some stuff bc I don’t have enough storage for ptn…don’t ask. I know I’ll like it bc women, ugh I should just get more storage.

less than 24 hours til the banners come out im actually terrified, but umm we’ll see. And I have a quiz ig but you def got me covered fr (didn’t know you take comp too)

-🌠

now that ive read AND listened to her voice lines i find it curious that she seems to have a bit of nostalgia in her tone when talking about the destruction of her planet. like you can tell whenever she has a smile on her face as she says certain lines and she’s always so playful (spent a whole hour just listening to her yesterday im ill) but this line was one of the serious-ish ones. she could be acting all mysterious on purpose but i guess we won’t know until more info comes out…. i really wonder if she had friends or something before because she says she rarely ever saw the same person twice due to her work.

THE SEA VOICE LINE. HELLO. WAS NO ONE GOING TO TELL ME HOW EXCITED SHE GETS?! THE CUTE EMPHASIS ON “fiercest”?!?!?! YOU ALLLLL FAILED ME. she speaks so genuinely as if reminiscing that place then she composes herself after a pause… wow. my baby. she’s so cute 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

i also go violin = kafka and omgg going to a symphony sounds so nice i hope u had a great time. straight up unbiased thoughts i think she would get the solos because she seems really rigorous in her practice of the violin despite having a very unstable job. she doesn’t strike me as the type to go for easy to play pieces either, especially when you consider what kind of music she’d like. so she’d work for that solo!!

hope your pulls went well i thought i was gonna be devastated if she came at hard pity but turns out im too happy that shes home at all🥹

[someonesmoth]

Hiiii!!

Saw your moon knight fics and they’re amazing!! 🥹

Could you do a hurt/comfort about the boys? (Steven & Co, maybe even platonic “I’m not actually worried I just decided to take care of you cus whatever” Khonshu)

I’m thinking smth about the reader coming home from a stressful work day haha. I work 7am to 4:30 pm with like 30-40 1st graders (sometimes other grades but mostly them) so I’ve been pretty busy.

(The reader def don’t have to work in a school environment tho)

Totally get it if you’re busy and/or can’t.

Have a great day/night! 😊😊

Hey!! Waaa I’m glad you enjoyed my writing! It makes me super happy to hear that <3

Sorry for the wait and sorry if it’s a bit short, but here it is^^

Comfort after a long day at work

Marc Spector:

- he was probably figuring out his next move for his moon knight activities when you came through the door of his apartment

- those tired eyes of yours and the way you tried to suppress your yawns concerned him.

- Marc walks towards you and puts both his hands on your shoulders, “how was work today?”

- you started to give a brief synopsis into your day, making it insanely obvious today was too much for you

- he nods in understanding as he hears you, a small smile laying on his face while he runs his hands on your shoulders in comfort

- “I get it sweetheart, I have alot of those too…” reminds me of his painstakingly tiring missions.

- he left a small kiss on your forehead, “I’ll make you food tonight, you should go lay in bed for a bit.” You couldn’t even protest, you were too tired

- he held your hand to lead the way, softly laying you down, he was planning on taking care of you until you fell asleep.

- you felt a bit guilty, watching him turn on the stove.

- he looks back at you with a charming smile, “i promise I won’t burn it.”

Steven Grant

- oh my, right when you walked through the door with dragging footsteps, he went to you in a hurry

- “you’re finally back!” He grins, cue you softly leaning your body against him

- he hugs you gently, rubbing your back soothingly, “oh darling, work was rough today it seems?” You nod

- steven then pulls you back, grabbing your hand and sits you on your shared bed

- “do you want to talk about it while I make some tea? Or would you like coffee?” You say whichever of those two options and nod at the idea of talking

- he seemed happy to have you home, you work too hard sometimes and he would love for you to take a break. He’s glad he’s able to hear your worries and doubts.

- steven stands up and heads to the kitchen, “now, what has you so worn down, love?” He has a small gentle smile on his face as you start talking

Jake Lockley:

- Jake hums as you appear opening the door

-he hugs you in a firm embrace, before backing away and noticing how tired you look, “well, aren’t you a bit too happy?” He sarcastically said, a smirk lingering on his lips

- you huff, hitting him softly on the back, he lets out a small laugh, “ay mi amor, do you want me to make you something to eat?” You nod, letting go of his embrace and kissing him on the cheek without saying anything

- he rolls his eyes, “I’ll make you your favorite, so don’t be a baby.” “Jake, just cook and don’t burn the house down—“ “you know I cook the best meals in this universe, stop complaining and tell me why you came back so grumpy. Who do I have to kill-“

- you raise an eyebrow and laugh, “Jake, I’m fine really…just lots of work.” He hums in response, he is happy to hear what happened during the day, he tries to keep up with you.

“If I were you, I’d point a gun at your boss and I’d tell him to give you a break, si?” “No-“ half of the things he says are sarcastic…but you never know.

Khonshu:

- He was planning on just talking to his avatar briefly, maybe even scold him—

- he saw you walk into the room with tired movements, he stared at you with an invisible raised eyebrow

- “you look like you have been run over by a vehicle-“ you huff, rolling your eyes.

- you put your things on the floor, not minding that they were in the way, “if you came here to bother me, go away big bird.” You said, passing by him.

- he stands and stares at you, he felt a bit awkward with his tall frame standing in the small room.

- “staring into my head isn’t going to get you anywhere, khonshu.” You give him a side eye as you go to the kitchen to get a glass of water

- he softly taps his spear on the floor, carefully choosing his words to speak and not sound like a worried dad

- “I was just looking for my avatar. Have you seen Marc today?” You shook your head, “been working all day.” That’s evident by the eyebags and how messy your hair is.

- “have you gotten any sleep?” You again shook your head, “don’t have time for that.” Khonshu tilts his head a bit, “why don’t you rest now? You have come home from your duties.” “Gotta work on report cards, khonshu.” He had no idea what report cards were, he audibly sighs

- he walks closer to you, “take a break, y/n. It won’t hurt.” “If I don’t get it done-“ “your work can be done tomorrow, it is best for you to be wide awake when working so you give it your best.” You look up at khonshu, thinking he was right

- “…fine. You’re actually right this time.” “What? I am always right!” “Whatever khonshu.” You head towards your bed, getting the covers off of the bed for you to get in. You breathe in peace finally, “im surprised you stayed to give me advice, big bird.” “Y/N, close your eyes before I close them with a hit to the nose.”

- you laugh, finally going to sleep soon after. Surprisingly, khonshu grabbed the blanket you have thrown off, tucking you in carefully. He figured he’d find Marc later.

[solarsonicsoda]

Rebbie's Wrestling Reviews - AEW Dynasty 2024

Kazuchika Okada (c) def. Pac by pinfall for the AEW Continental Championship in 21:55

This match was simply awesome. Two guys who have absolutely all the tools put them to good use in this opener. Pac sold everything amazingly, he is brilliant at what he does, and there were many great sequences between the two men. Some of the specifics of this one were absolutely unreal too. Avalanche brainbuster, that brutal barricade DDT Pac took, an awesome springboard moonsault, a standing Brutaliser, a Black Arrow into the knees: so much brilliant wrestling. Of course, there was also Okada’s rug pull of the Rainmaker taunt. He had us in the palm of his hand and everything about that moment was hilarious. Loved this one. 

4.5 STARS OUT OF 5

House of Black (Malakai Black, Brody King, & Buddy Matthews) def. Adam Copeland, Eddie Kingston, & Mark Briscoe by pinfall in 17:46

Super fun! Loved the energy they brought to this one, and the pace was quick which is just what I want from a trios match like this. Briscoe had a pair of great spots on the apron here, first launching himself off a chair to attack Matthews, but then being launched off into a brutal Death Valley Driver by King into the barricade. I also really enjoyed the triple Spears later in the match. Generally just great fun here all executed well, and I enjoyed Black picking up the win after never truly meeting Copeland in the ring until that final moment. That’s fun and I look forward to Black challenging for the belt in the future. Potentially at Double or Nothing? I will say though, maybe Rick Knox could have picked a better position to count that pin, he was looking directly into the misted face of Copeland…

3.5 STARS OUT OF 5

Willow Nightingale def. Julia Hart (c) by pinfall for the AEW TBS Championship in 6:01

This is not the most revolutionary match on the card, but it was pretty satisfactory. It was pretty short, but I didn’t realise it was quite this short! It was worked sufficiently though and it gave us a big championship win for Nightingale! That’s going to be raising the rating! Mercedes Mone slightly cramps on what’s a lovely moment but I’m excited for their match at Double or Nothing! Feels big time! 

3 STARS OUT OF 5

Roderick Strong (c) def. Kyle O’Reilly by pinfall for the AEW International Championship in 17:18

Another brilliant match. Great sells, great strikes, great technical work: what not to love? Some of the transitions and reversal in this one were simply beautiful, there was an awesome ankle lock transition by O’Reilly, there was a tiger driver that became a guillotine hold, there were sweet counters of some of their common offence: I ask again, what’s not to love?! O’Reilly has great facials for a match like this and I thoroughly enjoyed the whole thing! I think the finish was a tad sudden, I’m not entirely sure why Wardlow showed up, but good for him. We also see that Adam Cole can walk post-match!

4.5 STARS OUT OF 5

Chris Jericho def. Hook (c) by pinfall for the FTW Championship in 16:34

Please say sike right now. I will say, I was actually enjoying this one for most of its run. Hook has some awesome suplexes, he wrestles with such a unique form and stuff, he’s just very engaging. Hook sends Jericho through a table off the apron with a T-bone suplex, he suplexes him in a bin, and he kicks out of two Judas Effects! That all went so hard! I don’t particularly remember what Jericho did but oh well. Now, why the hell did he win? Jericho got to dominate, and like he overpowered Hook, in a strike exchange, which should never be happening with Jericho who is not known for anything close. Then, after all their action, Jericho is walking whilst Hook is selling his ass off for Jericho post-Judas Effect, and then he hits him with his baseball bat and wins. WHY?! I do think this “Learning Tree” character can be fun, but it should be a character where he goes in there and loses a lot, and convincingly. No one wants to see Jericho have many long matches, nor do they want to see him win titles. How does this help Hook? He does not need to reclaim the title again from the likes of Jericho, it makes him look like a dork. This should have been a feud where Hook won every encounter. Really stupid finish on a flawed but fun schmozz.

2.5 STARS OUT OF 5

Toni Storm (c) (w/ Mariah May & Luther) def. Thunder Rosa by pinfall for the AEW Women’s World Championship in 15:08

First off, Team Timeless were absolutely slaying with the looks here. Yes, of course that includes you Luther. This was a pretty good match overall. Rosa hits a great Tornillo, Nigel McGuiness is a hoot on commentary as usual, and the Death Valley Driver on the apron was awesome. Some sweet sequences and combos in there too, like a cool tornado DDT into a Northern Lights suplex from Storm. I don’t particularly care for the Storm Zero kickout as it was done, I feel like it was a bit early for something like that for me. Rosa also had a real smooth transition into a backbreaker late on before Storm rightfully got the win. As I say, good match, just not the best. I feel I’ve never particularly gotten into Thunder Rosa’s work. Like, she’s a good wrestler, but I just don’t feel much about her in-ring skill, and I don’t like her promos. Regardless, they had a decent showing here.

3.5 STARS OUT OF 5

Will Ospreay def. Bryan Danielson by pinfall in 32:40

I’m going to start by mentioning how brilliant the atmosphere was with this St. Louis crowd. They were awesome the whole night but here was their peak. Everyone was just having a blast it seemed. Now, there’s a lot of hubbub about this one, and I’ll start with this now: No, this isn’t the best match ever. What it is though is really quite great. So many unreal spots here and a solid bit of story throughout. There’s the likes of Danielson fully tying up Ospreay, the tiger suplex off the top rope, the series of counters from an Oscutter to a Lebell Lock, and the staredown with the elbow pad removal. I want to mention the dodging of a Hidden Blade to hit a running knee from Danielson, loved that. All of these moments were great. In my notes though, I did eventually end up writing three things down in all caps. First, “TRIANGLE HOLD STYLES CLASH”. Yeah, that’s awesome. There was also the finishing stretch with “HE JUST HIT A TIGER DRIVER 91 ON DANIELSON”. I think that speaks for itself as something wild. Thankfully he took it as safely as he could, that is to say “I bet his shoulder hurts like hell”. Then, the best of them all: “KNEE OSCUTTER REVERSAL”. This was simply perfect, what a reversal for the Oscutter, and what a running knee it was. Beautiful. Overall, it was a really nice match that pulled me round into loving it, even if Ospreay can be a bit much with some of his style for me. It works for a big match! I don’t love the finish really with the doctors, but it’s not super egregious. It was probably a Danielson idea, but I’d prefer a clean finish here. Maybe there’s a sequel on the horizon. Anyway, on a first watch, I’m concluding that “the greatest match in US history” is not quite that (some people just love a man’s particular style and that’s ok!), but is still pretty stellar.

4.5 STARS OUT OF 5

The Young Bucks (Nicholas Jackson & Matthew Jackson) def. FTR (Cash Wheeler & Dax Harwood) in a ladder match for the AEW Tag Team Championships in 21:34

Now, something completely different! There’s plenty of ladder-based fun here, like some fun dropkick spots and one of the Bucks heading up for the belts off of a rope run. A ladder bridge was a large part of this one, first with a moonsault by Wheeler and an EVP Trigger by the Bucks atop it. Wheeler had a great performance here, and he hit a tope onto Matthew that sent him through a table, which I loved. Shortly after, Harwood would take a hurricanrana through one too, which I did like but it was a tad awkward. I really loved the Power and Glory off the ladders, that was super awesome, and the Wheeler tope through a table at the end was wild! He went so fast! There was a scary moment, as Nicholas would 450 Wheeler through a table, but as Harwood tried to piledriver Matthew through the ladder bridge, it would give way. Fortunately, it seems everyone is ok. This was a pretty fun match all-in-all, and I really enjoyed the finish with big shit-eating grin Jack Perry helping the Young Bucks. 

3.5 STARS OUT OF 5

Swerve Strickland (w/ Prince Nana) def. Samoa Joe (c) by pinfall for the AEW World Championship in 17:59

This is the moment I was waiting for! This was a pretty good match, Joe looked like an absolute beast in this one and I loved him for it. Swerve did his part too, selling very well for the big man. I especially loved his sell off the leg sweep, that was great. I do think the kickout from the Muscle Buster came a bit early in this match, it felt a tad flat for me, but it was soon followed by the House Call whilst Joe was in the ropes and the 450 Splash to the back of the head. I absolutely loved that spot. Those final moments were also great though, with Swerve doing whatever he has to do and with a great leap over Joe. That Swerve Stomp had me on my feet! The right man won here and it was absolutely essential here. What a great run from Samoa Joe though. Unfortunately, it is, indeed, Swerve’s House.

3.5 STARS OUT OF 5

Overall, this was a pretty good show! Not quite as good or as consistent as Revolution 2024, but another great PPV! This one is getting 4 STARS OUT OF 5 from me!

[wrongcaitlyn]

need more apollo and darren lore to see if i can relate them to back to december

you can ONE HUNDRED PERCENT relate them to back to december if you just ignore the tiny detail of them not breaking up in december (but like, who cares because it’s the VIBE that matters and in this case the vibe is definitely accurate)

i will definitely be adding more apollo and darren lore…let’s just say… archery world championships happening soon…. olympics in one year…. kayla’s an icon mastermind…..

but! some little notes in specific relation to back to december

i know you may think this is apollos pov, but after looking over the lyrics again to refresh my memory… it’s from darren’s perspective. 100%

I'm so glad you made time to see me / How's life? Tell me, how's your family? / I haven't seen them in a while

apollos family!! not referring to his dad. duh. but darren’s prob just talking abt like the 1-2 times he met will and austin as babies, he hasn’t seen them since so “a while”…. sure darren, that might be a bit of an understatement

You've been good, busier than ever / We small talk, work and the weather / Your guard is up and I know why

small talk is SO real with them. they’re so awkward esp rn. they don’t know how to talk to each other. apollo says “nice weather we’re having” completely unironically and darren responds “oh yeah it’s nice”

cue silence for like 2 minutes until apollo asks how his coaching is going and more and more stilted conversation

AND!!! they’re both busier than ever!! apollo returning to being employed (kinda? i mean, he has a job so) and darren with olympics being next year

Because the last time you saw me / Is still burned in the back of your mind / You gave me roses and I left them there to die

i don’t wanna spoil exactly how they broke up… bc me and wronghuntress had like an hour long convo abt pollen lore a few weeks back and. guys. when i tell you i am SO fucking excited to write it‼️‼️

HOWEVER. this line. is very. very. very. fitting. from darren’s pov that’s all i’m saying hereeee

bc ik in one of the other chapters i said that apollos like “i ruined his life” and he DID but also like. it’s messy. it’s so very messy.

So this is me swallowin' my pride / Standin' in front of you sayin' I'm sorry for that night / And I go back to December all the time

not technically in front of him but!! the phone call!! abt kayla!! him swallowing up his pride, and there wasn’t necessarily an apology for the… things that happened, but it’s a step forward

It turns out freedom ain't nothin' but missin' you / Wishin' I'd realized what I had when you were mine / I'd go back to December, turn around and make it alright / I go back to December all the time

change it to march and make darren a singer instead of an archer and this would be one of his songs😭😭

These days, I haven't been sleepin' / Stayin' up playin' back myself leavin' / When your birthday passed and I didn't call / Then I think about summer, all the beautiful times / I watched you laughin' from the passenger's side / And realized I loved you in the fall

god… this timeline is actually SO real. if anyone’s making a pollen playlist out there (i should probably do that when i have timeHDKDJD) THIS SONG‼️‼️‼️

anyway ofc apollo is associated with summer in darren’s brain… and also apollo def thinks of summer too when thinking of darren :)

and oh yeah, ofc apollo’s in the passenger seat. bro probably grew up with drivers and doesn’t have his license.. rip sun chariot!!! (he gets his license eventually, ofc, but only bc it’s to drive will to school)

I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile / So good to me, so right

But if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right

i mean, do these even need to be explained? well darren, i can assure you that you WILL love again. it’s what we all need

okay so. i can’t really. explain the rest of this stuff. but here are the lyrics that stand out to me SOOO much because of how they broke up. that is all i can say for now!!

And then the cold came, the dark days / When fear crept into my mind / You gave me all your love and all I gave you was goodbye

And how you held me in your arms that September night / The first time you ever saw me cry

thank you so much for the ask!! it’s been a while since some pollen content but i swear it’s coming soon :))

[releasemefromthevoid]

MY ATLA LIVE ACTION S1E1 THOUGHTS

EP2

First things first, a review without spoilers:

I think it’s fine so far. There’s a few changes here and there that are ultimately just fine that don’t impact the story all that much, but there are also some changes that I’m a little worried about. 

The biggest thing I’m worried about, I think, is Aang’s character arc in season one. This live action series, without going too far into it, seems to be setting up something different from his character arc in book one for Aang in this first episode. I’m wary, but I’ll see it through and come back for more commentary and reviews starting from episode two this weekend probably.

Live reaction and thoughts under the cut for spoilers

oh shit they kept the fire nation leitmotif. as they should

music def feels the same

opening fight sequence: stellar

did i mention the fire nation leitmotif

it’s interesting they started with the concept of the air nomad genocide. i guess they haven’t told us about the actual genocide, so that can still be a Surprise to new viewers. i don’t hate it. kept the opening monologue, but it’s kyoshi according to the captions?? weird but okay

GOOD MUSIC

why’s he flying without his glider lol

these environments slap actually

ooh comet mention

i really like the line “her spirit echoes in one of us”. that goes hard actually

mmm not really liking that gyatso is the one telling him he has to leave,,  came back with “you are my friend” though, so i’ll forgive it

APPA

this kid is pretty good in the role of aang

BRO FIREBENDER FLIGHT. is this just bc of the comet or can they just Do That. i mean,, we don’t technically Know it’s bc of the comet yet

sound design is kinda peak

really REALLY interesting that they’re starting with the air nomad genocide. i know i said that already but we’re actually seeing it now. it’s setting a tone for this version of the show to be darker/less lighthearted, which idk how i feel about. not necessarily good or bad. this is only episode one so i’ll have to reserve judgment.

comet power confirmed okay

THE AVATAR STATE LOOKS SO GOOD

wolf cove??? was that always the name of the southern tribe where katara and sokka are from???? 

i think it would have been fun if zuko’s scar was a little Hand Shaped

probably could’ve done the freeing aang from the iceberg part a little better. how and why was he freed, if not katara getting angry at sokka??

speaking of, sans the early book 1 sexism, sokka is DEFINITELY sokka. a few more one liners and you’ll have me sold

mentioned zuko’s banishment early. hm

speaking of. not sure how i feel about zuko rn. why’s he talking about the throne like that?? he should be more focused on his perceived lack of honor i think

yeah,,, where IS appa. oh shit he already has the whistle??? more importantly Where is aang’s glider

SOKKA HIDING BEHIND KATARA IS EVERYTHING TO ME

HELLO??? katara’s monologue??? almost word for word??? from her gran gran??

this environment design though,, the building is made out of what is probably a whale rib cage as support for packed snow?? that’s so cool

no pilot episode miscommunication plot! not unhappy, i hate miscommunication plots

oh sokka,,, “lord of snow and ice”

zuko has not Once said the word honor

zuko’s breakdancing firebending moves God Bless

AANG’S GLIDER SPOTTED. but we haven’t seen it as a glider yet. is it just a Staff in this version???? 

i don’t think this is how airbending works

oh sokka i love you. he’s sold me on sokka i do believe

IT’S A GLIDER

i. don’t think katara should have been able to do that

this kid def can’t cry on command. he’s selling heartbreak, but there are No Tears

let aang be a bit more of a child please?? he’s a bit too serious right now, isn’t part of his character arc figuring out that he has to take things more seriously in order to stop the fire nation? i’m worried about what they’ll replace that with

THE OG CREDITS SONG

Liking: Sokka, environment design, most of the visuals actually, the MUSIC

Worried about: Aang's character, Iroh's character

Nothing I truly dislike yet

[m1ckeyb3rry]

Ok merging responses a bit here we go

HELPPP MICROCELEB LMAOAOAOA ok but honestly every time I see someone mention me on your blog and it’s not you (jeirin) I’m like “omg my rise to fame!!” LMAO and OOO I NOTICED the part that currently says “feels like we only go backwards” right?? Actually speaking of I’ve always been kinda curious about how you chose what to put there LOL

EXACTLYY Karasu tries to walk in all manly like “this is boring and dumb I’m too good to be scared” and gets his shit rocked by the entrance staff (bonus points actually if otoya sneaks in during the same round and makes Karasu piss his pants)

NO SERISOULY SUXHEIDJ it’s fr just “mother, older sister” HELLO???? Bachira’s mom is fr the only one who gets named wait I’m actually gonna fact check the age again when I have the book in my hands again jic

That episode really did something to me he looked immaculate thank you 8bit (I’m ngl I think it’s partially because it was also a nagi and Reo episode that they put their 8bitussy into it hopefully we get a very nice Karasu scene soon…)

FRRR need to send fan mail to kaneshiro asking lowk

Latte sweater yuki is so perfect with the muted earthy tones and the cozy vibes goodbye maybe i need to sit around in cafes more

NO SERIOUSLY like what are the odds that that question gets asked??? Its so random lowk like of all questions kaneshiro fr a stalker

Also losing my mind the amount of times i accidentally click on an ad while scrolling and get launched onto a random ass webpage thank you so much tumblr

- Karasu anon

LMAOO whenever someone else mentions me in their posts especially when they don’t tag me (so i get jumpscared while scrolling through my dash) i’m always like 😱 people perceive me?? idk i think i should stop being surprised though considering how much i post about bllk and how many fics i’ve written for it i think people are probably sick of seeing my username in the tags SKDFJHS anyways yeah i get what you mean i kick my feet and giggle a bit too

YES that part!! ngl i just put song titles from my writing playlist there 😭 feels like we only go backwards is one of my favs if you haven’t heard i recommend!!

okok hear me out here…so we have karasu going on a date in a haunted house, otoya and shidou trying to scare him (otoya had to ask shidou for karasu’s schedule since he’s not on pxg anymore and shidou would only give it to him if he got to join in the shenanigans), and then for some reason AIKU AND NIKO are actually working at the haunted house (niko is the ticket seller that scared karasu because of his emo haircut and aiku is one of those actors that blows up on tik tok because everyone’s thirsting after him) truly so chaotic…oaeu creeps into everything i think about like any idea ever can ALWAYS be elevated by the addition of aiku and niko LMAOOOO

i think isagi’s parents were named in an additional time too?? but yeah other than that there’s nothing really given in terms of info about anyone’s families…in my mind karasu’s sister will always be named yayoi though like i doubt we’ll ever get more info about her (even if we get a karasu ln they’ll probably do what the barou ln did and just call her his older sister without an actual name) so in my mind her name is yayoi (bfb effect) now i need to come up with one for chigiri’s sister…hmm…maybe akane (apparently it means deep red?? which would fit with the hair and whatnot [kinda like karasu])

oh 8bit was def putting in the work because of nagi and reo those are two of their favs LMAOOO i think reo’s little sequence was the best animation besides episode one all season KSDJFHDSK but yeahhh yuki absolutely slayed and we love him for that

UGHH I WISH THERE WERE YUKIMIYAS IN THE CAFES BY MY HOUSE all i have is old people i need to move or smth because the selection where i live is dismal i’m fr going to die single if this is what i have to choose from

LITERALLY IT’S SUCH A RANDOM AND SPECIFIC QUESTION i know for a fact kaneshiro is lurking…which of my followers are you king i need to know!! and btw kaneshiro if you’re out there read my post about yukimiya and kunigami and give them proper characterizations 🙏🏻

HELPP omg tumblr has so many ads now it’s so annoying i can hardly go on the app without my music cutting off and stuff it pisses me off fr

also another unrelated thought BUT i saw an edit of karasu’s dub voice and i actually love it omg like he sounds really good?? i was hating on his dub voice last season but the english va really stepped it up this season he sounds amazing (i actually really like all of the new dub voices except otoya’s i think…otoya’s is just eh but it doesn’t fit him esp in some scenes) anyways here’s a little tt dump for you i’m sure you’ll have seen a majority of them but OH WELL you will see them again!! also if i’ve sent any of these previously i’m sorry i forget atp what i have and haven’t sent LMAOO

this is the one with his dub voice i feel like the sass translated really well??? imo he sounds a lot more smug and condescending and a bit arrogant the way he lowkey is but it doesn’t feel like he’s trying too hard if that makes sense (like it’s not that kaiser-esque “ex-fucking-cuse me” “kneel blue lock” grandiose bs it just feels like karasu really does think he’s better than the others but in a casual nonchalant way as he should)

this isn’t an edit but the way he says “go look in a mirror” also kinda has me giggling 😭 like okay karasu whatever you say king anything for you

THIS ALSO ISN’T AN EDIT BUT THE MOST YUKIMIYA VIDEO TO EVER YUKIMIYA (the other two guys are tabieita) THE GUY EVEN LOOKS LIKE HIM IT’S SO PERF

me whenever isagi is on screen instead of nagi karasu barou or yuki fr

THIS EDIT HAS ME FUMING black beauty is MYYYY SONG why did someone edit RIN ITOSHI to it and why is it GOOD 🤬

nagi the most glorious beautiful majestic man ever he is the only one who is allowed to be edited to 99% of ldr songs (karasu barou and yuki are okay too but most of her music doesn’t really fit them imo)

speaking of nagi i need all of his haters to remember that he was the FIRST to gag rin both in terms of soccer and verbally as well as the first to score on the u20s and likely would’ve thrashed bm if he had stayed motivated…sorry not sorry but nobody’s favs are touching MY goat 🔥

okay ngl i may have sent this to you already if so i’m sorry but anyways this is one of my FAV karasu edits specifically because of the clips of his hands LSJFIDJSJ HIS HANDS ARE SO GORGEOUS AMAZING MAGICAL what i wouldn’t do for him to be real and in love with me

this song kinda cracks me up because of an insta post my ex-friend (the fanon shidou one) made as a joke a couple of years ago BUT the edit is reallyyyy good also this kinda music is what fits karasu for edits in MY MIND…to me the most karasu audio to ever karasu is asap rocky’s part in summer bummer by lana del rey (if you couldn’t tell ldr is my favorite artist) if i could edit i’d make one of him to that song too (i actually used to have an editing acct on tik tok but i rarely posted and got scared someone i knew irl would find me so i deleted it HAHA but actually in high school i was the editing queen people used to film clips at assemblies and stuff and send them to me to edit it was crazy)

this song is FR me to karasu LIKE COME HERE TABITO I WANNA BE SAVEDDDD

another miraverse curated edit but this time it’s nagi and barou instead of barou and karasu

i hate that this one is actually really good (tw kaiser)

otoya (idk what else to say it’s just him being cunty LMAAOOA)

i’m sure you’ve seen them considering how many likes they have but the way this artist draws yukimiya especially but also karasu…sigh…hey god it’s me again

UGH he’s so beautiful i love him…okay that’s all from me happy scrolling!!