#but I do constantly obsess over these fuckers dont you worry

[papercutslut]

okay I DO NOT have the energy to draw atm so here's a general outline/ideas for the 30 years earlier au I posted about!

the main idea is that after the portal test incident, Fidds gets so desperate to stop Ford he ends up using the memory gun to erase the entire portal project from Ford's head, and destroys all the blueprints and stuff related to it.

This backfires because now Ford has no memory of the incident OR his confrontation with Bill. Bill convinces Ford that the reason Fidds erased his memories was out of jealousy.

Ford, spurred on by Bill and his newfound Rage at Fiddleford, finishes the portal by himself and turns it on. Bill comes out, and weirdmageddon starts.

Bill keeps Ford as a "pet" in the Fearamid, while he tries to convince Ford to join him fully. Ford is hesitant because he feels betrayed, just like in canon. Bill doesn't really mind, he's already won, he can wait a few decades for Ford to see reason.

Meanwhile, Stanley is just trying his best to fucking survive in the most fucked up apocalypse ever. He did not expect the end to world to have so many flying eyeballs.

When he finds out Ford is alive and is captured by Bill, his priorities shift from "survival" to "getting to my brother and saving him". How is Stan gonna do that? he doesn't know, but he's going to do it anyways.

[archangeldyke-all]

Imagine Sevika and reader going at it, reader riding Sevika and then all of a sudden sevikas phone rings and it’s Silco and she knows she HAS to answer it. So instead of pulling out she just makes reader pause her movements but that makes her pissed off so instead she waits until she half way into the call and just slowly goes back to riding her.

Sevika struggling to not moan or anything in the phone, glaring at reader who has this bratty smirk on her lips and once the calls done Sevika pins her and pounds the fuck outta her for being a brat saying things like

“You wanna get me in trouble huh?”

“want my fucking cock that bad?”

“My needy little, cumslut”

:)

hehehehehehehehehe, gonna combine this with two more asks

Pregnant horny reader who is constantly ready to jump Sevika’s bones any chance she gets

hii i know youve written like the whole little fucker and reader and sev thing (trust me ive read all of them like 5 times) but i absolutely need more pregnant reader i have such a strange obsession with it. ofc if u dont want too that fine i love your work so much xoxo <3

men and minors dni

at seven months pregnant, you've gotten pretty used to being uncomfortable.

your feet and ankles are almost always swollen. you always have to pee, even when you're sitting on the toilet. your tits are sore more often than not, you run out of breath walking from the kitchen to the bedroom, and you're so round that you've had to stop sitting on the couch-- once you sit down on the soft cushions, you can never find the momentum to get back up.

so, yeah. you're pretty used to being uncomfortable.

but what you're not used to is the hormone induced, near constant, horniness you've been experiencing in the past few weeks.

you're fucking ravenous. you can't get enough. if you're not going to the bathroom to pee or doing your pre-natal yoga, you're riding sevika's face or shoving a vibrator down your pants.

you're honestly getting kind of annoyed with it-- just wishing you could have a moment's peace without feeling the need to dry hump the nearest firm surface, but sevika's been thrilled. for the first time in your relationship, you're the one wearing her out in bed.

you would worry a bit that you're too much for her or that she's only reciprocating your advances so often because your pregnant, but then you get her between her legs and see the awed, honored, slightly goofy look on her face as she takes care of you and you realize you've got nothing to worry about at all.

all this is to say-- you guys have been fucking a lot.

and it's been getting in the way of things, sometimes.

like right now, for example.

you'd woken up from your midday pregnancy nap horny like always. you'd had a dream about your wife, something vague and sensual involving her hands on your hips and her lovely raspy voice in your ear, and you wanted to find her and make that dream come true. you found her on the sofa, looking delicious as she lounged, one hand tucked into the waistband of her boxers, the other holding her phone. it took one second of eye contact for her to figure out what you wanted, a sly smile spreading across her face as she patted her lap.

so you crawled on top of her and started riding her into the couch.

it was going great. you had sevika's cock inside you, her lips against your ear, whispering dirty words to you, her nails digging into your ass and nails, and just as you were about to cum, her phone started ringing.

"you better not answer that." you say between huffs and puffs as you catch your breath. sevika cringes, guiltily. "sevika!" you scold as you watch your wife reach over for her phone.

"it's silco, it's a work call!" she whines. you glare at her, your legs shaky as you try to get off her lap. she gasps. "don't leave!" she says, pulling you back down to sit on her cock. you both moan.

"sevika i'm so fucking horny i'm going to cry if i don't cum in the next ten minutes."

"just give me thirty seconds babe, then we can get back to it." she promises, pulling you forward to rest your head against her shoulder as her other hand answers her phone.

she takes a deep breath, then speaks. "hey, boss." she says, completely casually, like she's not balls deep inside of you right now.

it's equal parts hot and frustrating. hot, because sevika's so good at controlling herself it drives you fucking crazy, and frustrating because the one time sevika's not supposed to be in control is when she's inside of you. she's supposed to be a whiny, babbling, eager mess-- not mrs. professional all cool calm and collected.

you huff, and start nibbling at the tendon in her throat. sevika's thighs tense under yours, but she doesn't make a sound.

"we can't do eight, we gotta stay under six." sevika says into her phone. you can hear the familiar sound of silco's voice muffled against sevika's ear.

you reach down to start rubbing your clit, a breathy sigh escaping your lungs as you clench around sevika's cock. she jolts, her free hand smacks your ass hard, and you have to muffle a giggle when you hear silco on the phone ask, "what was that?"

"nothing." sevika responds. "i'm outside, a car hit a pothole." she lies. you laugh again. silco seems to buy her lie, and he continues chattering. you continue rubbing your clit and grinding against your wife.

sevika suddenly pulls you away from her neck with a firm hand on the back of your neck, and she glares at you.

you snort, your free hand coming down to gently pat your pregnant belly-- the ultimate get out of trouble free card for you these days. sevika's eyes soften immediately, and the second they do, you begin to pick up your pace, bouncing on her cock while you continue to stroke your clit.

smacking sounds start filling the room, and sevika's breath starts quickening. her eyes drop to your tits, pupils wide and hypnotized as she watches them sway.

over the phone, silco shouts. "sevika!? are you listening to me?"

"fuck, i'm listening, i'm listening." she groans. "fuckin'... tell them five and a half is our final offer." she grunts.

it's all greek to you. you're much more interested in the breathy way her words are coming out than the words themselves.

you want to make her whine-- that pretty high pitched whine she likes to make for you when your riding her like this. so you snake one hand under her t-shirt to start palming her tits, and just when she opens her mouth to talk to silco again, you pinch her nipple. hard.

"aa-ah!" sevika squeals. you grin, sevika glares, and silco groans on the other line. "i gotta go silco i'll call you back in twenty minutes." sevika rushes out.

she throws the phone to the end of the couch, not bothering to hang up, and you can hear silco's annoyed response.

"you two have fun. disgusting."

then, the dial tone.

you begin to giggle, only for your laughs to get caught in your throat when sevika flips the two of you over, pinning you to the couch beneath her as she grabs your wrists and pins them above your head.

for a second, she only looks at you. it's like she can't decide if she's angry or horny or just admiring at you. you try your best to appear innocent, batting your eyelashes at her and lifting your hips up so you can brush your pregnant stomach against her washboard abs.

she softens a bit at the touch, and a smile blooms on her face.

"such a fuckin' cumslut you can't even wait for five minutes?"

you gasp, your eyes rolling back in your skull and your cunt clenching at her words. sevika hums, satisfied by your reaction.

"y-y-you're the one who d-did this to me." you whine. sevika's smile only grows.

"you're damn fucking right i did." sevika growls as she beings to fuck you again. you groan, and sevika leans down to kiss your lips.

she pulls away only to gasp, then she dodges your puckered lips to press her lips against your ear. she stumbles on her first word, because her action launched you back to your dream, and you clenched around her cock so hard she whimpered halfway between syllables.

"in-ah-insatiable, aren't you?" she growls. "i should just keep you pregnant all the fuckin' time, huh? all leaky and needy for my cock-- makin' a fuckin fool of yourself just to have me."

"sevika--"

"yeah, baby?"

"i'm gonna fucking cum." you whine. sevika chuckles in your ear.

"i bet you are."

she bites your earlobe, her hips continuing their relentless pace, and you wrap your legs around her waist.

"a-are you?" you whimper.

"fuck, yeah."

"inside me?" you beg. sevika shivers, gives you one solid thrust and a whimper, and you cum. "sevika!" you cry. sevika grunts in response, chasing her own orgasm as you fall apart beneath her. "sevika, sevika-- breed me, cum inside me, fill me up, you fuck me so good, i love you so much, you-- oh!"

sevika sinks her teeth into your shoulder as she cums, growling and shaking on top of you.

the only reason she doesn't collapse is because you're belly's between the two of you. instead, she rolls to the side and tumbles off the bed.

you burst into giggles, turning on your side to smile down at your wife who's grinning up at you as she catches her breath.

"i love you so much." you sigh. sevika hums, reaching up to take your hand in hers. she kisses your knuckles.

"i love you, baby."

"...we should probably send silco flowers or something." you say.

sevika bursts into laughter.

taglist!

@fyeahnix @sapphicsgirl @half-of-a-gay @ellabslut @thesevi0lentdelights @sexysapphicshopowner @shimtarofstupidity @love-sugarr @chuucanchuucan @222danielaa @badbye666 @femme-historian @lia-winther @gr0ssz0mbi3 @ellsss @sevikaspillowprincess @leomatsuzaki @emiliabby @sevikasbeloved

[rjshepherd]

Pls Give Karl Heisenberg smut and fluff 😳🙏🏼

oh ho!? whats this?! a blank cheque for mayhem?!?! how can i resist such a call?

fluff

- Karl is a cuddler but you dont need me to tell you that.

- his favorite place to cuddle is in bed or in a massive arm chair next to a fire. you can play games or read with your head on his shoulder or maybe he'll let you lie across him. He likes throw an arm around you and watch you do stuff while he just relaxes into the cusions. he's also fond of using you as a pillow

- personally, i like always cold karl over space heater karl. its one of the reasons he doesnt go outside the factory much, he hates the cold. He likes to cuddle with his s/o for warmth, stick his hands in your pockets/gloves/sleeves to keep them warm. he always scoots over to your side of the bed when you leave s/o he can lie in the warm spot.

- Karl is a serial clothes thief. he will take anything that fits but socks are his favorite target. he loves to steal his s/o's bed socks, the fluffy kind. mostly its to keep his feet warm but also theyre so soft and his are all worn.

- stealing his s/o's winter gear is also popular with him. he likes to take scarves that smell of your perfume/cologne and hats that smell of your shampoo. he'll borrow accessories occasionally too like sunglasses or jewellery.

- He's not big kissing, at least not in private anway. out in public he likes PDA as a way of showing you off, making a spectacle etc. at home however he's a lot more guarded with his physical affection, usually reserving it for special occasions. his favorite way of showing affection is something like a head bump or eskimo kiss ( nose bump)

Smut

-karl loves to do dirty talk and flirts almost constantly. but when its reciprocated or youre the one to start it, he becomes a hot mess. something about you being verbally dominant in the bedroom really does it for him.

- he never uses words like "slut" or "whore" because he finds them degrading ( unless you've asked him to call you that, then he might consider it) He prefers to sweet talk to outright degradation, encouragement over insults. same goes for him, he'd prefer if you didnt outright insult him when talking dirty unless he's asked you before hand .

- he really enjoys Cockwarming/strapwarming, both on you and him. Sometimes its nice just to have a conversation while while feeling you inside him or vice versa . he enjoys feeling warm and full as much as he likes to be the one doing the filling.

- Mirandas research on how mold sex works is light at best. He's always worried he's going to give you some weird STD or something. because of that Karl enjoys non-penetrative sex. he's very understanding of partners who cant or dont want to fuck; hand jobs, titfucking, intercrural sex ( thigh fucking) and good old fashion mutual masturbation are all acceptable to him.

- he really enjoys the idea of sounding but has never actually had the balls to try it ( badum tss). i imagine he's attempted it with his metal powers, but getting close to cumming means he loses fine control, he's worried he'll do himself some damage.

-Lets be real, Karl is a cocky fucker, self obsessed with an inflated ego. he thinks he's gods gift to his partners at times, i think it would be hot as hell for you to put him in his place every now and then. Take charge, tell him how you want things to go, even if he insists on topping.

- for as much of a private person as he is, he does enjoy the odd bit of exibitionism. this is mostly in the form of fucking where you COULD be seen rather than where you CAN be seen. he also enjoys fucking in front of a mirror or a set of his tv screens so he can watch from 3rd person.

thats all for now nonnie! im still slowly trying to do fics as well as the asks still in my inbox

[yaminerua]

//lies down//

i have an appointment on the 10th to get my mole looked at. im worried they won’t decide to do anything with it because it doesn’t look like the worse appearances of one that is starting to change. but it IS different. it’s a bit bigger and just slightly different in shape than it was a few months ago and honest to god my mental state with this thing is so bad that i legitimately fear that i’ll just end up trying to carve the fucking thing out of me with my own hands if they decide not to do anything....

it freaks me the fuck out and it gets irritated because of its location (trousers and buttons always rubbing no it constantly) and I just want it fucking GONE.

if they do decide to take it out though i wonder when they’d do it. last year when they removed my damaged one the appointment was just two days later. and then i was unable to walk for 2 weeks because the stitches on my belly hurt.

im so torn because I want this fucker GONE as soon as possible but if they do it before the expo at the end of may it’ll mean i might not even be able to go...

i probably shouldnt even get my hopes up that they’ll remove it at all... but god if they say they wont i feel like i might slip into a panic attack right then and there in the goddamn office over it..

im paranoid about most of my moles, ngl.. i have this terrible irrational fear they’re all bad and out to kill me but that one most of all has me worried because it’s the only one i can actually with certainty tell is different because it used to be much closer in shape and size to the other one on my stomach.

I had 3 in a row. the middle one got damaged and removed, the one above it is generally ok. the one below used to look like a darker twin of that one (completely round and the same size) but now it’s more oval, ever-so-slightly less regular in its outline and a tad bigger than it used to be. It’s probably a little bigger than the size the one that got removed used to be, and it was the biggest of the three of them before... So. It’s a slight difference.

But even my dad admitted it didn’t look as round anymore.. ANd I just? have such a huge fear of these damn blotches??? it is CONSTANTLY in my head. every new mark freaks me out. all the old ones i dont trust either. i hate my skin. im constantly swinging between obsessively checking every inch of me, and then not wanting to look at all. and both options make me panic.

god let me just have flesh replaced with plastic or metal or something.

every day that that one below my belly button remains a part of me (regardless of whether it’s even bad or not) i just feel so... on edge..

sometimes on really bad days i can actually FEEL myself twitching to just grab a knife and slice it out and the logical side of me knows that’s a fuckass stupid idea and i’d just be doing more harm than good and probably severely fuck up but the absolutely terrified part of me just wants it DONE WITH.

....and honestly... regardless of what the state of that one even is..... if it gets removed my brain will probably just latch onto obsessively observing the other suspicious ones for developments...

it would improve the current anxiety by a tremendous amount though. because i’ve felt suspicious of this one for at least a year. i wanted it removed at the same time as they were cutting out the damaged one but they couldn’t do that ..

i think a lot of the breakdowns I had over the course of the year would simply not have happened if that one had been taken out though. a lot of them happened simply because that one felt irritated by my trousers etc....

But I don’t think just being troubled by it like that is going to be enough. if it doesnt look bad to them they’ll just leave it or suggest i go see someone to calm my mind on the matter. but the psychologist i HAD been seeing wasnt really helping.... and because of shit involving crappy organisation on their end somewhere i got dropped from the system so i can’t even talk to her anymore.

lmfao...

you know that shit where you want to die, but at the same time you’re terrified your body’s gonna do a thing that could potentially make you die and you’re just like... ‘no not like that....’

dying itself is not the process i want to go through. i just want to skip to the state of already being dead and not existing... because death as a process terrifies me. death as a state of being does not.. if that makes sense?

god im sorry for this mess..

[themothermary-blog1]

Roman ass kicking

my now boyfriend were up shooting the shit one night when we first met having a fue beers and well things that help you laugh your ass off

he told me this true story about him being in prison.     he was a life foster kid and  constantly moved around  it gives you nice conditions like detachment disorder.

He did eventually get adoped at 15 but the damage was done he was hatefull after he turned 18 he got in a shit load of trouble i mean pages not one thing    and he ended up in prison  he said even he thinks at that time it was a good place for him.    he was astranged from his family and didnt know anybody who cared on the outside  so inorder to have anything extra he bit off a lousey paying prison job.     he was a horder  and counted his stuff regularly like 5 or 6 times a day if he went to pee/eat/shit/shower/work/sleep   he counted his stuff he was obsessive about it. the other prisoners usto teas him about it.   one day he came back from work  and a package of roman nooodles was missing he lost his mind  through a man fit   (mantrum)   and another prisoner started laughing  he grabed him by the throat punched him in the gut through it up mother fucker through it up      dont think i wont kill you over some romans   well needless to say the prison systom frowns on this kinda behavyour  he got 2 months in solatary an 2 monthes   no comasary and all his shit confenscated and the judge said he was showing leanency   that he understood that no man likes to  get robber no madder how small it is.

he said he thinks he had a case of blue balls and he dosent do prison pussy (flip it and stick it) and hes not a handy andy    (if you know what he means)

he said he swar he busted a nutt when he hit the guy in the gutt

he said i instantly felt better.   Tooooooo late   he was being draged to solatary

He swar  off roman noodles when he got out of prison the salt locked up my nutts.  (i was dying laughing by this time) he said im never eating romans an i sure as hell aint going back to prison

it was my turn  so i told him about me and pregnant crazys i get a condition called hyper emisis it morining sickness to the extream you actually start throawing up blood   and it last the intyre pregnancy.    on night it was extreemly bad  and i hadent ate anything for days i hadent been able to take my psyc meds in mounths     I threw up everthing i drank       we are talkin pure stomach acid.            i hadent slept more then a oher at a time for months the nausia is incapasatating    i was bypoler flying from poal to poal/dehydrated/malnutrishoned/sleep deprived  and felt like a caged animal

i was laying on the bathroom floor waiting for the  next round of vomit acid  to come    gut renching  i actrally pulled a muscle        The house was quiet and all i could here was my husbands snoring it was loud as thunder seemed to take up the intyre house   it literally drove me over the eddge   before i knew it i was standing over him with a knife   screaming at him get up take me to the hospital or im going to kill you.      he tried to dismiss me  but thank god i said im not playing you will not lay in plesent slumber whail i dye i truly felt like i was dying i had been pregnat before it happened then too i got my tubes untied to have a baby for him a son.   the doctors said there was better medication it didnt work.  my gyno sent me to the nutt hospital   thay deal with pregnancy hyperemisis/mental illness its a bad combanation.   so i was in nutt house lock down untill thay could nock me out and get me better with ivs and saposatorys i was on a liquid diet for a week.    it was even worse then it was with my daughter i didnt have my family that knowes about the condition its happened to several wemen in our family.    i was in the hospital 2 more times if i sleeped through one doce of medication it would be out of controol again.

after i had my son i got a historectomy  so i couldent sucker my self in to getting pregnant again.         My now boyfriend said let me get this your x opened his eyes  in the middle of sleep in the middle of the night to you standing over him butcher knife  in hand screaming stop fucking snoring and take me to the hospital or im going to kill you.      ( he said i would have dumped you at the local looney been and moved cross country no forwarding adress i aint spending one more second even knowing this crazy bitch and the goverment can support her probably as crazy as her kid)

 i said so hows your nutts he said about at bust  he stoped for a minute  and said did you just offer to f___k      i  said        YUP!!!   if your not afraid  that is.   dont worrie  i cant get pregnant i dont have a cervex  you can check             we never figured out why his mom got 15 years in prison          i can deal with his detachment disorder i feed and   f--k  him regularly and we have enough money  he can handle my mental disorders  jellousy and daddy isues (his mom was aparently nutts sister too to him it aint nothing new{he lived with them when he got out of prison} ) i love this man but i wouldnt come between him and a   t- bone stake or a slab of ribbs  and he jently remindes me to take my dint kill a man pills   mom said prisons no place for girls

A match made in good    old America            

[pixie-daydream]

i haven’t ranted in a while but BOYS ARE FUCKING ANNOYING and i just need to rant okay

first of all i feel like we need some backstory in case anyone actually reads this. this is gonna be long as fuck but I’M REALLY IRRITATED EVEN A YEAR LATER so i just need a place to let it loose so i’m not reeling over it in my head. a year ago at the end of my senior year of college i befriended two guys, one of which i had a mutual crush on, the other i saw strictly as a friend. all three of us were friends. it was cool. it was fun, they were funny, we became friends in such a short amount of time but got so close so fast. the three of us hung out a few times in person and also had a groupchat going, whatever. me and my crush started talking just us and that’s a whole different story but yknow, that whole thing happened and we started liking eachother more and more, it was getting pretty deep, we’d facetime-sleepover a few times, blah blah blah, met up to hang out/whatever you wanna call it, it was cute, it was magical, it was a great time, it didn’t end up working out, but it’s an important part of this story. so that’s just some backstory. so while me and my crush are crushing on eachother, me and our friend are also talking outside of the groupchat... basically they both started talking to me on the side and the groupchat died. interesting. but anyways... MY FRIEND is joking around calling me his wife bc he gave me this fake ass plastic ring at a party and clearly i thought it was just a joke. it’s something i’d joke around about, like “haha you gave me a ring, we’re married obvz”... i didn’t really think anything of it cus it really wasn’t that deep. so i THOUGHT that was all just a joke between friends but then he started getting deep with it and telling me i’m such a beautiful person and any guy would kill and be lucky to have a girl like me and all this other shit, how he wanted to be with me forever and it would be us together forever and he’d die a better man having known me... all this weird shit. now DUMB ASS ME being the insecure person that i am honestly just thought he was being nice like i didn’t think he was being serious i thought he was just being a nice friend and saying something nice to another friend but in the back of my mind i was like “oh shit what if he likes me” cus yknow, you never know. but like i said i was insecure as fuck and my confidence level was so low it was almost nonexistent so i was like yeah he prob doesn’t like me, i didn’t even think my crush liked me back at that point but ANYWAYS i digress....... sooner or later my friend starts getting weirdly jealous of literally anyone i hung out with, guy friends, girl friends, it didn’t matter he was just mad that i hung out with other people solo and only hung out with him in a group setting. so i was like wtf chill out it’s just convenient for me to hang w other people bc they’re close by whereas he lived way further away and ALSO, i knew him for less amount of time so for me w the social anxiety in MOST instances it takes me a while to get comfortable w someone on that level to hang out just us two, but he never understood that.... anyways...... he found out me and my crush facetimed and again got weirdly jealous, and was like ‘clearly u like him better than me bc we never facetime’ which 1st of all HE NEVER ASKED ME TO FT HIM, second of all he has a fucking android so 4+5=48 wtf how were we supposed to facetime u fucking moron. but clearly my crush told him we facetimed cus nobody else knew at the time, so clearly the two of them were talking about me. and my friend was asking if i had a crush on him, which at the time i didn’t really wanna say bc i wasn’t sure if my crush liked me back and i didn’t want it getting back to him so i just played it coy.... but it was obvious i had a crush on the kid so my friend could really just do the math. but my friend was being so weird about it pulling the “marriage” card saying if we’re married why am i cheating on him AND HONESTLY ONCE AGAIN I THOUGHT WE WERE JUST JOKING AROUND yet at the same time he was really accusing me over absolutely nothing and i was like oh shit is he actually mad........ and then eventually he’s like “chill it’s just a joke” but he would consistently say “whoever makes you happy even if i dont understand why you like him” and shit like that. anyways, he knew i had a crush on the guy and he knew the guy had a crush on me, from the inception of his crush on me apparently, and said MOST of their conversations were about me. everyone thought the two of them were like bffed out, yet apparently most of their convos were about me... ok.... anyway. point being, he knew how much we liked eachother. fast forward a couple months, over the course of the summer me and my friend were still friends, we’d hang out like once a week in a big group of people but we were always fighting. it was like fighting between siblings kinda that’s what it reminded me of but would play it off as a joke, but he’d still pull the husband/wife joke thing and i’d go along with it cus again i’m an idiot and even tho it was starting to get weird i didn’t wanna look like i was taking it seriously since most of the shit he said was a joke anyway. for example, around this time i was starting to sense something odd going on with my crush... eventually things were starting to fizzle out which was devastating to me but again that’s a whole different story i don’t really need to get into. i mentioned to my friend how i was kinda worried i was gonna lose some people in my life, bc if i pick up on the slightest thing that’s off i go into panic mode, and my friend was like ‘so screw everyone else. it’s just me and you. and since i’m your husband you should let me take you out on a date.’ and i was like ????? wtf........ i dont wanna go on a fucking date with you. i was like ‘i mean, we can hang out’ and he goes ‘so date?’ and i was  like ‘no...’ and he’s like ‘why not??? why wont you let me take you out??? i thought we were best friends. best friends can’t go out together and hang out?” LIKE. LITERALLY. THIS IS WHAT HE WAS SAYING. and i said i’d hang with him but he always would try and turn it into a date and he goes “chill, do you actually think i’d take you out on a romantic date? i’m not about that life.” ??????????? alright, s you’re just joking then? EVEN THOUGH YOU CONSTANTLY BRING UP WEIRD SHIT IN A ROMANTIC WAY ABOUT ME ALL THE TIME. it’s just a joke tho. alright. so anyway, the day after this happens, my crush mentioned my friend wanted us all to go to the beach or something, so clearly they were speaking to eachother at that point. and then my friend texted me at the same time asking if me and my crush were an item yet..... and at that point i still never outright admitted i liked him so i was panicking bc i knew they were talking about me and i was like why the fuck is he asking me this........... anyway i said no and my friend said he was gonna “hook it up” and tell him to ask me out to which i said WHY because I DON’T WANT/NEED OTHER PEOPLE MEDDLING IN MY LIFE WITHOUT ME ASKING. just a side note i’ve never been in a relationship i’m VERY new to someone even having actual reciprocated feelings for me and i really really REALLY REALLY liked my crush a lot... like i adored him and definitely could have fallen for him truly but i did not want anything to mess it up, just wanted to let it evolve naturally and let it keep progressing slowly bc i was terrified to lose him and i especially didn’t want this fucking idiot to talk to him for me since i was starting to get sufficiently creeped out by him. so his response was “bc you’d say yes” and i just didn’t respond bc i was so annoyed at that point AND THE FUCKER HAD THE NERVE 3 HOURS LATER TO SAY “why didn’t you text me back? that’s not what best friends do...” tHaT’s NoT wHaT bEsT fRiEnDs Do ??? WHAT KIND OF FUCKING CHILDISH BULLSHIT IS THAT? keep in mind this fucker is like 25 years old yet he pulls cards like that... WTF. anyway. i find it very odd how after that conversation, things with me and my crush started to fizzle out. very odd. i can’t fully blame it on my friend bc in the future i’d found out from my crush that he himself was just........ an idiot, i don’t really know what his issue was but he fucked up on his own.... HOWEVER, i definitely find it sus that my friend was saying he was gonna hook us up or w/e and then suddenly it turned to shit. interesting. ok. so things w my crush were getting weird, i was clearly upset by it and my friend picked up on it and attempted to reassure me that my crush loved me and was obsessed and wasn’t going anywhere, i even asked him if he said anything to him since YKNOW last time i checked, he said he was gonna talk to him about us, yet he claims he didn’t.... #surejan. but bottom line was my friend’s advice to me was “who cares” if my crush isn’t talking to me... when REALLY IT WAS MORE THAN A CRUSH AT THIS POINT, silly me knows now that boys are not to be trusted and just bc they say all this lovey dovey deep stuff to u and make it seem like they truly r falling for u, it might not be the case.... but at the time i really thought we loved n cared about eachother on a way deeper level than just crushing so I WAS OBVIOUSLY RLY UPSET, and for my friend to say to just get over it pissed me off to no end. ESPECIALLY BC HE LITERALLY SAID “i dont get why you like him when he’s nowhere near as interesting as i am.” HE REALLY SAID THAT. MY FRIEND. SAID THAT. AS IF THAT’S GONNA MAKE ME FEEL ANY BETTER. and i kept saying it’s not that simple i can’t just get over it or move on if he’s being weird and not talking to me as much... he was trying to tell me it was UNHEALTHY for me to be upset if he wasn’t responding to me (to be clear the point wasn’t that he wasn’t answering, it was that after talking nonstop every day all day and building that trust with eachother and being so sweet to eachother, he went from all that to just one word answers and barely talking. like clearly somehting was wrong and he wouldn’t tell me what it was which scared me, THAT is what was upsetting me. i can handle someone not responding. just fyi.) ,,,,,, so my friend would say that was unhealthy yet him getting mad at me and being jealous if i hung out with other people was totally normal??? ok. ALSO, A SIDE NOTE, i have ANOTHER friend, we’ll call him jim for now just so things don’t get confusing..... while all this stuff with my crush was going on, me, my friend, jim, and a few others were hanging out and food was involved so we were on line to get food and jim put some on my plate for me. really not a big deal....... i do that for people all the time and my friends do it for me like it really IS NOT THAT DEEP. YET MY FRIEND TEXTS ME THAT NIGHT SAYING ‘i need to talk to u........... i think u and jim are in a secret relationship or he’s in love with u bc he put food on ur plate for you and u just said thank you and moved on like it was nothing.’ LIKE. HE REALLY. FUCKING. SAID. THAT. !!!!. Guys. help. when i say i laughed for 15 minutes I REALLY WAS ROLLING. this guy was getting heated bc a friend put food on my plate for me. fast forward to my friend having a party, jim was there, a bunch of friends were there and we were drinking so we stayed overnight but everyone had left by morning and i was the only one there. so finally my friend gets to hang out w me one on one for a few hours. we were just shooting the shit, talking, watching tv. whatever. we also talked about my crush and once again my friend was saying to just get over it which pissed me off. i also ended up texting my crush that night bc it’d been a while and i was like freaking out over that, long story short i could tell he really was done with me so from that point on i decided if he wanted to talk to me he can come to me bc i was done looking like a fool and texting him getting 3 second responses and an attitude and making myself crazy and feeling disappointed over it. so not only was my crush no longer talking to me but my friend was also being short in his responses to me from that point as well. and i tried to just be normal about it and keep it lighthearted, talking as usual with the same stuff we always spoke about, but the conversation was like pulling teeth and i was like wtf??? like why is everyone being weird with me not wanting to talk to me? and my friend who knew i was upset over the crush thing was doing it to me as well.. so i was like okay then, guess i’m on my own. a few weeks later, about exactly a year ago, my friend texted me again asking what was up and stuff and asked me out of NOWHERE if i had talked to my crush lately. keep in mind, i literally never speak about my crush or bring him up on my own to my friend bc i know how jealous he gets, if we talk about him it’s bc someone else brought it up.... so i responded saying it’d been 2 weeks but who’s counting cus yknow, I WAS HURT. and my friend goes “well clearly you aren’t over it.” ..... NO SHIT SHERLOCK YOU FUCKING PENDEJO I FREAKING ADORED THE KID AND REALLY LIKE IDK LOVED HIM I GUESS OR WHATEVER, AND GOT SOMEWHERE WITH HIM I NEVER GOT WITH ANYONE LIKE I /NEVER/ FELT THAT WAY BEFORE ABOUT ANOTHER PERSON AND NEVER EXPERIENCED THOSE FEELINGS SO OBVIOUSLY. I WASN’T GONNA BE OVER IT. YOU STUPID FUCK. but anyways... i basically said that to him in nicer words lol and once again he was like get over it.... so i went to bed upset over it cus idek why he brought that up... also keep in mind, my friend and my crush no longer spoke to eachother either. they pretty much stopped talking when the two of them started talking to me one on one if that makes sense... they’d talk here and there but their ‘friendship’ ended when our friendships began. anyways. i woke up the next day and my friend texted me saying “I TALKED TO [insert crushes name here]” ....... EXCUSE ME YOU FUCKING CUNT BAG. WHEN THE HELL DID I ASK YOU TO TALK TO HIM???????? DID I EVER SAY “pls ask him what happened between us”...... NO. I REALLY DIDN’T. SO WHY. WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT AND MEDDLE IN MY LIFE ONCE AGAIN? and my friend told me “I don’t need to get into details bc i don’t wanna hurt your feelings, but he said he did not like you anymore and said he was done.” yeah WAY TO SPARE MY FUCKING FEELINGS YOU COCKMOUTH. guys i cannot even begin to explain the emotions at that point i didn’t know whether to be heartbroken or infuriated or both but i was fucking upset let me tell you. i mean, it was pretty obvious my crush was done with me but this was somewhat of an actual confirmation bc at that point i still held out some bit of hope that he might try and talk to me again but clearly it wasn’t happening. so my friend goes “well at least now you know the truth” AS IF HE WAS DOING ME A FAVOR. and then i was really fucking sad and even more depressed than usual, and my friend seemed like he was annoyed with me for still being upset over it... first of all you assface, there’s no time period for how long someone is “allowed” to be sad over something and for ME ESPECIALLY, THE MOST EMOTIONAL PERSON ON EARTH, two weeks is definitely not long enough for me to be sad so you can shut up. but anyway, after that, we really didn’t talk much until the end of that month. i hadn’t heard from my crush either until one day he liked a few of my pictures... i also noticed he and my friend were interacting on social media as well, and that night my friend messaged me for the first time in a while saying he was going to visit our old school and asked if i wanted to come say hi to everyone. he also invited jim. interesting considering they hated eachother but anyway. i found it a BIT peculiar that this was all happening at once but i hadn’t seen my friends in a while so i went, and he “casually” mentioned that “[crush]” wanted to meet up with him so we were meeting up with him or whatever. at this point i was like WTFWTFWTF even tho i had a feeling that was what was gonna happen anyway. but i was really taken aback, cus like, my friend knew how i felt about the situation and how upset i was and i was shocked he didn’t even ask me about it first, but i didnt have much of a choice at this point so... we met up with him and it was so fucking awkward bc he really was gonna pretend like NONE OF WHAT WE HAD OR DID OR SAID OVER THE SUMMER EVER EVEN HAPPENED, and he was being so quiet... i just carried on being normal myself masking the fact that i was having major internal anxiety but if he was gonna act like nothing happened so was i. we met up with our other friends and it was fun, my crush barely spoke to me and my friend also barely spoke to me, they pretty much spoke to eachother the whole time and when i tried to interject or contribute to the convo they’d basically ignore me or just go ‘haha......’ or some shit. so i was really like ???? WHY DID MY FRIEND EVEN INVITE ME IF HE WAS JUST GONNA KNOWINGLY PUT ME INTO A REALLY AWKWARD SITUATION AND NOT EVEN TALK TO ME ALMOST THE WHOLE TIME. and then that night, where i feel like he’d usually have texted me to ask how i felt about the whole situation, he didn’t say shit. THE NEXT DAY THO, MY CRUSH STARTED SNAPCHATTING ME AGAIN and basically was really drunk and trying to get me back, gave me this whole sob story of how he fucked up and as much as i wanted him back obviously knew he prob didn’t mean it... but anyway, the fact that he tried that after seeing me in person and not even talking to me was just weird but i had a feeling he and my friend kinda talked about getting me to see him that day like i feel like it was a premeditated plan. anyways. things w my crush stayed quiet from that point on and so did things w my friend until ANOTHER month later when i sent my friend something that reminded me of him, he was like ‘can we be friends again?’ and i was like yeah we’re not nOT friends....... he was the one who wasn’t rly talking to me anyway so whatever. but we were texting AND WHILE WE WERE TEXTING, I GET A SNAPCHAT FROM NONE OTHER THAN MY CRUSH. i was super fucking confused since i hadnt heard from him since the last time he messaged me and also a little weirded out how they both pop back into my life at tthe same time..... but anyways, just to tie up the crush story, this is when i found out my crush initially stopped talking to me bc he felt like it wasn’t going anywhere (which is bullshit but ok, he clearly just wanted to bang me but i didnt wanna do that without being completely sure that he wasnt gonna just hit it n quit it.... so he quit it before he could even hit it i guess) and claimed we were ‘just talking’ and it ‘never amounted to anything’ which is also bs to me bc it was WAY deeper than just talking so if he wants to pretend like it wasnt that deep he’s an idiot bc he was the one making it deep. but anyways. that’s just a SHORT version of the end of that story (i was devastated i guess i consider that my first real true heartbreak and it took me SO long to finally be okay but y’all don’t worry bc I’M OKAY NOW and i’m happy. i lowkey still miss it sometimes but i’m happy now n he’s happy so like whatever. we’re cool)..... but anyways i feel like i should just wrap that story up before i get to the rest of the whole shit with my friend lol ANYWAYS ........   me and my friend weren’t really talking anymore after that, it’d pretty much be social media liking or comments but that was about it. he would message me every now and again tho to be like ‘why haven’t we talked’ and stuff like that, or if he said he missed me i’d be like ‘i miss you too’ and he’d be like ‘no you don’t.......’ and try to make ME feel guilty for no reason. and for real, our friendship was fun a lot of the time. i did miss it and i missed him too. he was a funny dude and we had a lot of common interests but most of the time i felt like i was doing something wrong or he was constantly trying to make me admit to him that he was my favorite, that i liked him the best, and was just generally possessive and obsessive and weird about it, so why keep that going especially when we had our own lives and shit. come january he wished me a happy new year and when i responded a day later (i didn’t have service) he was like “yeah, we’re not friends anymore....” ??? so wtf ????? i was like ??? he didn’t reply until like a week later saying ‘hey’ bitch what i thought we weren’t friends anymore so wtf. and the thing with me is, if you’re my friend you’re always my friend, i’ll always care even if we haven’t spoken in a while but i’ll always consider you a friend. yet this guy thinks that’s not true if we don’t talk 24/7 apparently. he’d constantly tell me ‘that’s not what real friends do...’ and that type of BS, make ME feel like a shitty friend, yet still hit me up and say hey???? but it was a vicious cycle of him saying hey, me replying thinking maybe it’ll be different and then him just going right back to saying we’re not friends. and that shit was exhausting to me. he’d text me a few times asking if i wanted to work on a movie project with him (he’s in film and i’m an actress) but i was busy with other shit and he wouldn’t take no for an answer but eventually again we stopped talking. so april rolls around and he messages me again. he’s probably jealous cus i was back with all our group of friends again including my crush, and we were all having a good time putting on a musical (i went back to help direct the show after graduating) and my friend clearly has major fomo. but he messaged me on FB asking if he could text me cus he missed me, and yknow THE POLITE THING IS TO JUST SAY I MISS HIM TOO so i said that and he goes ‘no you don’t, but okay...’ and proceeds to text me. WHY BOTHER TEXTING ME IF U THINK I DON’T MISS YOU THEN? jesus fucking christ. so he texts me and i jokingly said it was will smith (don’t ask.... it’s an inside joke and to try and keep it lighthearted i brought it up thinking he’d joke around cus yknow... EVERYTHING IS ‘JUST A JOKE’ TO HIM) and then goes ‘oh i thought i was talking to the girl of my dreams.’ there he goes again bringing it up how much he’s in love with me, he even told me he has dreams of me all the time and was wondering if i had dreams of him too... i was clearly weirded out at this point and just responded sarcastically because WTF. and then he gets mad like “i’m done. i don’t wanna play games anymore but everything is a joke with you ( !!!! are u fucking kidding me my guy), i really do think about you all the time and miss our friendship but you don’t need me anymore, i dream about you all the time, i miss what we had, i’m really sorry.” ????????????????? BITCH. WHAT. THE FLYING. MOTHER FUCKING. FUCK. !!! ???! !!?! !??!?!?!?! he really wanted to accuse ME of playing games all the time? like are u serious..... EVERYTHING’S A JOKE TO ME??? BC EVERY TIME I ASK U IF UR BEING SERIOUS ABOUT SOMETHING UR THE ONE WHO SAYS IT’S JUST A JOKE. i obviously went off on him at that point bc what the fuck ! ur the one who constantly tells me i’m a bad friend yet u still try and talk to me, if i’m such a bad friend then leave me alone! u constantly put me in awkward uncomfy situations that i put up with bc i thought you’d say i was a shitty friend if i didn’t, ur the ONE THAT’S A SHITTY FRIEND. after that we didn’t talk for about a month til his birthday when i texted him cus what’s the big deal, he wished me luck on the musical. casual. whatever. fine. then after that he started texting me again but i would just ignore it bc i really did not want to deal with that shit again, also i thought he was done with me. eventually i caved and said hi back cus i mean, i felt like a bitch ignoring him and eventually he was like ‘we should hang.....’ and i knew were the convo was gonna go so i’ll admit it. i ghosted. which is something i HATE having done to me and i hate doing it to others but why would i put myself through this bullshit again? this was in june or july. it’s september now and for about a month he would text me EVERY TWO WEEKS saying ‘steph?’ or ‘???’ or “hello...” bro TAKE THE FUCKING HINT. I DON’T WANNA TALK TO YOU. he texted me for the first time in a while yesterday and again i didn’t respond... so he messaged me on FB saying “why won’t you talk to me and text me back?” OH. SO SOMEONE YOU REALLY LIKED AND CARED ABOUT ISN’T TEXTING YOU, YOU SAY? JUST GET OVER IT! MOVE ON! IS IT REALLY A BIG DEAL? NOT SO SIMPLE IS IT WHEN YOU CARE ABOUT SOMEONE RIGHT? Right exactly, karma is a fucking bitch I hope you know how it feels now you fucking asshole. i am NEVER one for revenge and i’m not even doing this to be spiteful because really, the reason i’m not texting back is because he is a manipulative, jealous, obsessed and possessive fucking child, but it’s pretty funny how when i was dealing with someone not talking to me, he told me to just get over it and move on. yet there are dozens of ignored messages from him on my phone, where he CLEARLY isn’t over me not talking to him. maybe i owe him an explanation, sure, but why the fuck should i? just to be yelled at by someone who i really don’t want anything to do with anymore? yeah no thanks. it’s just amazing to me how he can still be so fucking obsessed all this time later. at least when someone is obviously done with me i back off and can realize when it’s over and not be a desperate bitch constantly texting them even when they ignore me 7 times. i’m not delusional i know when done is done. BUT THIS GUY. NOPE. HE STILL REALLY IS WONDERING WHY I WON’T TALK TO HIM. you know why, you dickbag. sometimes friendships just don’t work out and that’s okay, it doesn’t need to get to this point though. and the funny part? i’m apparently not even the only girl he’s done this to... the sweet talking and ‘oh but I’M your favorite right? cus you’re my favorite.’ and ‘we should hang out, like all the time, bc that’s what best friends do...’ yeah he’s pulled that shit with 4 OF MY FRIENDS. you think that shits not gonna get around buddy? he obviously has issues. it’s sad and yknow i don’t usually have problems with people, i can count on ONE HAND the amount of people i’ve had a falling out with or a negative relationship with... and i’m not one to expose people or whatever, that’s not my thing. but when you piss me off THIS much, well, sucks to suck. 

it’s been over a year, stop fucking texting me. lose my number, loser.