#but I didn't learn every word there is to know

[beamorgan]

Favourite Reads of the Year

I will not be ranking these, because that would hurt my heart. Buckle up folks, there are a lot of amazing books out there

The Murderbot Diaries by Martha Wells

I know, I KNOW, I'm late to the party but omg this whole series is just as good as people say!!! I know I said I wouldn't be ranking, but if I was these would be fighting for the top spot. I have already relistened to all the audiobooks. I anticipate rereading them literally every year from now on. I would die for Murderbot, which it would think is a stupid thing for a human to do when there is a SecUnit right there. [adult, scifi]

Emily Wilde's Map of the Otherlands by Heather Fawcett

Sequel to last year's fav Emily Wilde's Encyclopaedia of Faeries, this follows a bullheaded academic trying find the magical door that will let her faerie boyfriend back into his faerie kingdom. Chaos ensues in the Alps. It's fabulous, and the author's approach to using folklore is very similar to my own writing, which I love and also get imposter syndrome about. 10/10 recommend [adult, historical fantasy]

Model Home by Solomon Rivers

Would you like to be repeatedly punched in the gut? Look no further than this story of racism and child abuse in a Texas McMansion, with gorgeous prose and a genderqueer protagonist and the laundry list of content warnings you can expect with the genre. It hurt so good. [adult, contemporary gothic horror]

You Should Be So Lucky by Cat Sebastian

This love affair between a baseball play and a sports reporter was recced to me by the lovely @colubrina and boy was it worth the two-day binge it inspired! Romance can be very hit-or-miss for me, but this knocked it out of the park (please enjoy my pun). I didn't even have to know anything about baseball to love it! [adult, historical (1960s) romance]

The Locked Tomb Series by Tamsyn Muir

Another tumblr fav, FOR A REASON. Gideon is hilarious. Harrow is an absolute mess. Nona is BABY, my beloved. (Camilla and Palamedes have my whole entire heart). Also, the audiobook narrator is fantastic. In the words of the author, the buns are also fried chicken. [adult, sci fantasy]

Master and Commander by Patrick O'Brian

This one is @elodieunderglass's fault. Historical buffoonery on boats. The main characters are ridiculous. The sailing jargon is incomprehensible. It's great. [adult, historical fiction]

All You Can Ever Know by Nicole Chung

This is a gorgeous memoir of an interracial adoptee trying to make contact with her birth family while pregnant with her own child. It grapples thoughtfully with reconnecting to a lost culture, the complexities of family history, and the social and legal barriers adoptees face to learning about themselves. [adult, memoir]

Death in the Spires by KJ Charles

I devour everything Charles writes, so I was EXCITED for this mystery. She made it very clear on social media "It's not a kissing book!!" (it's kinda still a kissing book). She wrote a stonking book, as usual, with an underdog protagonist revisiting the murder that happened during his toxic time at Oxford university. [adult, historical mystery]

Martyr! by Kaveh Akbar

My favourite literary fiction read of the year, this meditation on Iranian diaspora identity is written by a poet and you can tell. I would suck the prose up through a straw if I could. The protagonist is an addict and also quite suicidal. It was fun :) [adult, literary fiction]

She Who Became the Sun by Shelly Parker-Chan

and the sequel, He Who Drowned the World. I don't even know how to sell this, all I want to do is flail incoherently about how amazing it is. IT'S AMAZING. JUST READ IT. (wait I know: this satisfied the part of me that was obsessed with Mulan as a kid) [adult, historical fantasy]

A Little Trickery by Roseanna Pike

The voicey-est book I've ever read. I screenshot like every other page. It follows an orphaned girl trying to survive in Tudor England through various means, such as faking a miracle in the church where her gay best friend is priest. [adult, historical fiction]

At the End of the River Styx by Michelle Kulwiki

My friend wrote a book! It made me cry!!! They were delighted with this!!! Please give this to any teenager in your life who needs to see thoughtful representation of grief and depression and boys in love. [YA, contemporary fantasy]

[rafesbangs]

𝜗𝜚 you and rafe had never gotten along, but one plane ride changed it all

c!w; mdni !! reader is sassy lol, mean dom!rafe, kinda dom!reader a bit, degradation, rough hate sex lol, 'unprotected' sex, p in v, lotta dirty talk, slight size kink as per usual.

notes; i mostly write a shyer reader or established relationship sooo this is kinda outta my comfort zone a little ! i hope you enjoy ! ALSO this is kinda longggggg

you loathed rafe cameron. he was the embodiment of everything you hated about entitled kook assholes that didn't deserve their privilege, there was unfortunately a plethora of them, he would be their king.

how did you have the displeasure of knowing rafe cameron? well your father and his worked very closely for years, building an empire upon which both your dad and ward sat atop on.

you could admit that you too were definitely privileged, absolutely spoiled even, but you would definitely argue that you were raised right in comparison to the people in which you shared a zip code with.

you and rafe had gotten acquainted not only through just being at the same high school prior to graduating, but also because your dad and ward enjoyed hosting a little too much. there were many a party where you had to take care of drunk rafe because you couldn't stand disappointing your father, even though rafe wasn't your responsibility.

it was only recently that ward and your father had been taking you to their big office tower, showing you and rafe the ropes. seeing as you were both the first born children, you were to inherit and become the heads of the empire your fathers had cultivated.

you always thought about how there's no way rafe would ever rise to such a responsibility.

it was a cold autumn day when you and rafe had been called to join your fathers for another day of learning, you two were technically already apart of the company having graduated from high school, but you were still learning.

unfortunately for you, ward had decided you two would join them at the office tower in atlanta, meaning you had to sit on a plane alone with rafe.

you were dreading the hour flight as the uber pulled up to the landing strip. the two of you had been silent the entire car ride, thankfully the feeling of hatred was neutral so you never had to worry about rafe bothering you, but his existence was enough anyway.

you hopped out of the uber, grabbed your overnight bag and headed up the steps of the private jet.

the two of you sat adjacent to each other, rafe with his signature smirk adorning his lips, he knew you were hating every minute of this. the plane hadn't even moved yet, something about the pilot being late.

"where the fuck is this pilot." rafe grumbled, you ground your teeth and glared at him before turning back to look outside.

rafe began tapping his foot impatiently before walking into the flight attendant quarters, emerging from behind the curtain with a bottle of whiskey and a glass.

your jaw ticked in annoyance, of course he wouldn't offer you a glass, typical. you couldn't hold back the words, they were falling off the tip of your tongue, "you could offer a glass at least." you growled, crossing your leg over the other.

rafe's gaze tore off of the over filled glass in front of him and onto your legs, you were wearing a form fitting pair of grey pinstripe pants as well as a tight long button up shirt, it was driving rafe crazy. he rolled his eyes and took a big gulp of the drink, it burning smoothly down his throat.

"asshole." you muttered, getting up to get yourself a gin and tonic instead, it was too early in the day for whiskey anyway. rafe watched your ass as you disappeared into behind the curtain, twitching his nose in annoyance about how hot he found you. you came back with a drink in hand, making sure to glare at him a little before sitting down.

the pilot finally arrived, walking up onto the plane and apologising as he walked past the two of you, rafe shook his head at the ground, "we've been fuckin' waiting, you think we have time t'wait like this?" he spat, the pilot simply apologised again and scurried off to the cockpit, rafe muttered something about talking to his father as he did.

you shook your head a little at rafe, brow slightly furrowed, of course he had to treat everyone around him like shit. the plane finally began moving, zooming down the airstrip before finally taking off into the air. you started fiddling with your pen as the two of you sat in silence before dropping it on the floor, it rolled down the passage way as the plane was still gaining height and you sighed heavily.

after the aircraft had finally levelled out, you got up and walked over to pick up your pen, bending your back all the way down. rafe's jaw ticked as he stared at you, he knew you had to be teasing him at this point.

"slut" he mumbled as you walked over to go sit back down, you paused and turned towards him with a raised eyebrow. "what was that?"

his eyes met yours and he took a long sip of whiskey before repeating himself, spelling the word out to you like you were a toddler. you scoffed at him and rolled your eyes, shaking your head, you'd been called a slut before for simply just looking the way you look.

"fuckin' walking around, bending over in those pants.. 'nd that tight top, seriously y/n?" he said, clearly and to your face now. you were stunned at the way he dared to talk to you, even more stunned when you noticed he was sporting a little something below the belt of his dress pants.

he rolled his sleeves up, a tick you noticed he had a long time ago, before taking another swig of whiskey. you tried not to stare but ultimately you couldn't deny that one of the other main reasons you hated rafe so much had to do with the fact that he was such an asshole, but such a fine asshole.

you never knew you had such a thing for veins until you started sneaking looks at rafe every time he was bothered enough to roll his sleeves up.

you stopped. "fuck off rafe, i can wear what i want. it's not like i'm wearing anything revealing, i mean, just because you got hard-"

he quickly stood up, his gaze piercing and heart stopping, you didn't even trail off from your sentence, just completely shut up. "think you can fuckin'-" he inched closer and closer, you backed up until you found yourself stopped against another chair, "think y'can talk to me like that? hmm?" the two of you were centimetres away from touching noses, you could feel his hot breath on your face as he glared down at you. jesus, you forgot how tall he was, even when you're wearing heels.

you gained the confidence to snap at him lowly, "you can't just be calling me a slut rafe." your chest was rapidly rising and falling, rafe noticed the way your tits were moving as you breathed. he scoffed, having no shame in looking right down your top, "hard to say something like that when you're standing here with your tits on display like this." he met your eyes again, his once angry expression replaced with a smirk.

he tugged at his sleeves again, readjusting one that had slipped down, you looked down at the veins trailing from his hands that disappeared into the white shirt.

"y/n." he said, calm dripping from his tone, you realised you had been staring too long, heat pooling in your tummy currently couldn't compare to the heat rushing into your cheeks. "i catch you every time y'know."

your lips parted, every time? "what're you talking about." you demanded with narrowing eyes, crossing your arms in what little room you had, only making your tits perk up more, he shamelessly shifted his gaze down again until you lifted a hand to grab his jaw, something that shocked him and he instantly grabbed your wrist and paused.

the two of you were stood there, lips centimetres away, touching felt like fire between you and the look in both of your eyes was all the confirmation the two of you needed.

rafe's grip slipped only to replant his hand around the back of your neck, pulling you in for a searing kiss. your hands slipped up his chest desperately, much to your embarrassment, but you could feel his body shudder at your touch. you both wanted this. badly.

his other hand snaked around your waist, pulling you in tightly, you melted into him, weakening over how good his touch felt. he started then tugging your shirt, trying to undo the buttons, you helped him quickly before slipping it off and starting on his shirt.

rafe now had you under him, down to nothing but your panties, even your bra was somewhere on the floor, rafe in just some boxers. you groaned into the kiss as he pressed his growing boner against your sensitive clit.

he slipped a hand down your body, his fingers landing on your sopping panties as he began to rub circles where you were most sensitive. you twitched under his touch and you could feel the cocky smirk as he kissed you. in a second it had gone from his fingers inside you to his dick now rubbing through your folds, rafe didn't have his chest against you anymore, he was watching as your pussy clenched around nothing, desperate for him.

he scoffed, "i knew you were a fuckin' slut." just as you rolled your eyes, he slipped his fat tip in, now having to bully the rest of his huge cock into your tight pussy. "jesus, shit, how're you this fuckin' tight" he groaned, finally sliding his length in to the hilt.

you gasped when he brushed that spongey spot in your cervix, "yeah? you like that shit bitch?" he grunted, now mercilessly driving his cock into you at an unforgivable speed. your eyes were rolling back, twitching as you hadn't even had a second to get used to his length.

"ugh fuck- move 'm getting on top" you demanded, he didn't argue, swapping spots with you so that you were now just above his dick, pulling your panties to the side again as you very slowly lowered onto his thick cock. he whined out, eyes going wide when he realised what he just let slip.

"who's the slut now?" you taunted, beginning to bounce on his dick, your tits bouncing with you. rafe reached up and pawed at one, rolling your nipple between his fingers harshly, you hissed but soon whined at the added stimulation. he grinned mischievously, releasing you nipple to lower his fingers to your clit.

he watched you proudly, rubbing in circles for a moment while your eyes rolled back as you continued to fuck yourself on his cock. he pinched your clit, you yelped at the feeling but the way your pussy started clenching around rafe's dick only made him do it more.

your movements grew tired, rafe noticed and planted his hands under your thighs, securing you before slamming his cock into you at a rapid pace. all you could do was go almost limp, feeling his huge dick pistoning deep inside you. "my dick's splittin' you open. you fuckin' like that shit?" his hips snap, and you squeal, your whole body jolting with every movement.

you grabbed onto a veiny arm, the sight making you chew at your lower lip as rafe continued to jackhammer into your begging cunt. "ugh- you're such a fucking piece of shit, its a shame, your dick is soo big." you groaned, digging your nails into his forearm. he smirked at your admission, repositioning himself to now sit up so your faces were inches away again.

he moved his hands to your hips, gripping harshly, you slid your arms around to the back of his shoulders, beginning to bounce and grind again. he tipped his head back letting a little "oh baby" slip.

you grinned as you were nearing your release, your pussy beginning to clamp desperately around rafe's dick, his strokes getting sloppy and harsher. his hands dug harder into your hips as you raked your nails across his back, your orgasm ripping through you finally and rafe cumming inside you just as it was ending.

you buried your face in the crook of his neck as he continued to fuck his cum into you, an evil smirk swiping across his face. when the two of you had finally steadied, reality hit like a truck.

you paused, lifting your head slowly, the two of you locked eyes and you quickly slipped off of him, taking several steps back.

"you- shit. no one can fucking know." you seethed before snatching your clothes off the floor, cursing at the fact that you were going to have to sit in cum filled panties until you could get your bigger suitcase from under the plane.

rafe scoffed, "i'm not the only one who was fucking there. and for the record i agree, this is not happening again. fuck."

but of course he was lying.

[strwberri-milk]

hello! may i love your posts sm, thank you for your effort on writing! may i get a sylus x reader where mc is a total badass kicking asses and practices martial arts? sylus assisting one of their mma training days and he's so smitten like "huh. that's my girl" (hope my wording is comfortable to your rules, thank you in advance!)

Sylus didn't think he could love you any more than he did until right at this moment. You knew he could box and you wanted to learn some moves from him since he fights a little rougher than you do. You watched him move with a slight daze in your eyes, Sylus smirking happily to himself as he practically preens for you.

When it's your turn to demonstrate the moves he's showed you he gives you a low whistle of admiration. He was doing his best to not just stare at you unashamedly, wanting to actually be helpful too. He'll ogle at you later but right now he's thoroughly impressed with how you picked up the steps, deciding that he wanted you to practise on him so he can get an idea of how strong you are.

He lets you practise getting hits in on him, cheering you on every time you land on successfully. He gently corrects you but you can tell he wants to praise you more with how everything that comes out of his mouth is paired with a compliment about how good you're doing. You've never seen him this overtly joyous about you, teasing him about being distracted.

You are totally unaware that this is how he always looks at you when you have your back turned to him. Everyone can recognise that look from a mile away, knowing that the only person Sylus looks that tenderly at is and will always be you.

[leighsartworks216]

Live Stream

Sylus x gn!streamer!Reader

Based on a prompt from @syluspen that took me WAY TOO LONG to get around to. This is actually a compilation of all the little things I started for it but never really finished. So, uh, enjoy

Warnings: fluff, silly, established relationship, video games

Word Count: 909

Main Masterlist

First Love and Deepspace Masterlist

Second Love and Deepspace Masterlist

AO3

Tag List Form

The first time was an accident, really. He didn't realize you were in the middle of streaming for how quiet you were being and came in to ask you what you wanted for dinner.

From that point on, Sylus was the most anticipated part of every livestream.

You didn't mind it. You love your man, love that he chooses to interrupt even when he knows you are streaming just to bring you a drink or give you a quick kiss just to let you know he's home from "work". You're always a little worried someone will recognize him. Thankfully, no one has so far, and hopefully it stays that way.

The chat's screaming is your only warning before arms wrap around you from behind and Sylus's chin is resting on your shoulder. You lean back into him easily, beaming as you pause in your gaming, letting it sit on a dialogue box, waiting to be read.

"Did you just get home?"

"Mhm." He playfully brushes this side of your headphones back with his nose, exposing your ear and kissing your sideburn. "What are you playing?"

"Dream Daddy." You laugh at the odd look he gives you. You circle your mouse over your avatar in the corner. "Aren't I cute? Think you'd still date me if I look like this?"

He huffs a laugh. "Sweetie, if I would still date you if you were a worm, I would still date you if you were a guy."

The chat is zooming by quickly on the secondary monitor he bought you. A lot of people scream about him being "bisexual confirmed?!?!!" He pays them no mind.

"Is it a dating sim?" he asks.

You nod, turning your head to kiss his cheek. "Awe, guys, he's learning!"

"Any good dating options?" he asks playfully. "My current partner keeps teasing me; I may need to browse some new options."

You laugh and he chuckles by your ear, squeezing you tighter in ardent affection. You open up a browser to pull up a picture of all the love interests lined up. You explain each one to him while he listens patiently.

"Which one are you going for right now?"

"Guess."

He hums thoughtfully. "Robert?"

"Got it in one."

"Well, he's the most like me."

??? Is he a cryptid hunter too????

literally look nothin alike how tf

Istg this guy is in some shady business...

You flip back over to the game. He can tell now that one of the other love interests is who you're talking to. You turn your head so you can whisper in his ear. "You alright?"

He hums again with a small nod. "Just tired. Don't worry, sweetheart."

"Let me finish this up and we can go to bed, okay?" You kiss his cheek to cement your promise. He lifts his chin from your shoulder and kisses your forehead. "I'll only be a minute."

"Take your time." He kisses your forehead again for good measure. "Have fun, sweetie." His arms slide from their place around you as he heads toward the door.

-

Sylus loves watching you like this. Usually, he would wait somewhere else in a manor, tending to product for buyers or going over contracts. Tonight, however, you'd promised your viewers that you would play a horror game, and you needed him there in the room as moral support.

Which meant he got to tend to his guns (being off-camera as it were) and watch you panic over a haunted bear that wanted to kill you.

"Fuck fuck fuck, where's Bonnie?!" You jump with a startled cry, nearly flinging your headphones off from the fright. You lean back into your chair, hands on your head, as you read chat and try to calm your racing heart.

"You alright, sweetie?" he calls, trying to hide the amusement in his voice.

You're either too dazed to notice it or ignoring it altogether as you hum noncommittally. "The rabbit got me," you murmur.

The chats start flooding in out of nowhere. A few donations, a lot of screaming...

"Oh, I forgot to tell you guys that my partner is here for moral support." You giggle breathlessly. You look over at him with a smile. "They got jumpscared by your voice."

He chuckles. "I suppose I should be flattered to be on par with the monsters in your game."

-

Headcanons:

He supports your streaming without hesitation

Top of the line monitors, ergonomic chairs, cat ear headphones - name it and it's yours

But he doesn't show up during your streams very often

Really you're the one who insisted he stay out of sight, given his work and the possibility that someone may just recognize him

He likes to play your livestreams in the background while he works

When you excitedly ramble to him about what happened later, he already knows, but he loves to hear it from you

If you mention craving something, he's there after a bit with exactly what you wanted, whether it's a drink or a snack

Understands completely if you don't want to eat on camera, and just saves it for you for after

Maybe sticks his head into the room to show you what he got, or messages you saying it's waiting on the table

Very very rarely is he ever in the room while you stream, but it does happen

He scared your viewers when he suddenly spoke up from the sidelines

They thought he broke in or something

---

Tag List:

@the-golden-jhope @huen1ngk41 @armycaratlover @sylusfluffymeow @cheesemachine44 @nyx2021 @angel-jupiter @thelittlebutton @pikachuzhc @pomegranatepip @cordidy @an-ever-angry-bi @thejysemongko 

[friedtyrantbasement]

Tough conversations and good distractions

M reader

Cast: Yizhuo, Aeri, Yooyeon (not mentioned often)

Tags: smut, top reader, cheating, angst, marrital issues, drama, multi part series

WC: 3.8k

This felt like a repeat of how your parents argued. Your tie feels tight around your neck, this is what you never wanted to feel at any point in your adult life.

Your marriage was going through a rough patch for a while. Like, a seriously long while.

Yizhuo and yourself had been together for almost a year now, and at the beginning of your marriage you felt like nothing could go wrong. Of course, the honeymoon period didn't last long.

It's not like you try your best to fix it either in all honesty. You work in a fast-paced corporate job and the last thing you need to come home to is your wife asking you incessantly about who you've been conversing with and other questions you feel like you answered a million times.

You don't like to lie but distractions were needed to help keep you in your right mind.

“Baby, for the last time. The only one I have my eyes on is you. I swear it.” You learned to give that speech almost every time she felt insecure. It was getting over used, you might need to paraphrase it soon.

On top of Yizhuo’s knack for insecure behaviour, you have to deal with her family's high expectations. You're the vice president of your older brother's company but that wasn't enough for your in-laws. They wanted you to start your own company, be risky but that just wasn't who you were. You're a laid back guy who enjoys doing his job and one hell of a good one at that and getting paid without making any huge decisions that could affect other people at large.

“God, I just don't understand why you can't talk to me! You act like I'm not here for you when I tell you that you can always talk to me.” You want to roll your eyes at her words. Yizhuo would look impeccable if it weren't for the fact that you thought she had gone deaf in one ear.

“No sweetheart, I said that I simply have nothing to talk about, not that I can't talk with you.” You say gripping the dinner table you're currently leaning back on as your wife sits on the couch away from you. Yizhuo had been pressing you for answers on why you were so quiet these days but you just weren't up for it.

She licks her lips, her tongue sliding over her plump bottom lip and squeezing her eyes tightly as she blinks, as if she was calming herself down.

“I just have been…. Hearing things.” She starts.

“What things, Yizhuo?” You say her name, which makes her shift in her seat. Now she's rubbing her hands as if she's going to hear heartbreaking news.

“I've heard… that you've been seeing another woman. Specifically, that new girl on your work team.” Oh lord. You want to rip your hair out. ‘Is she seriously accusing me of sleeping with a university intern that I haven't even met?’ Your thoughts laugh at the situation, it's hilarious at this point.

The person she should worry about is the one closest to her.

“Oh really? And who told you that? Your little spy Aeri? She barely knows left from right and how many times has she been wrong about shit like this? Huh? Drop it, Yizhuo. I'm serious.”

You were dead serious, tired and not in the mood to be playing bullshit with your wife this early in the morning right before work. “Fine! But I still don't get why you just can't say ‘No honey, I'm not cheating’. Why can't you just say that to me?” Yizhuo says, throwing her hands up in defeat as she gets up to head to your shared bedroom.

A sigh leaves your mouth. This has gotten ridiculous. “You know what? I don't think that no matter what I say or do you're ever going to believe me. That's why, Yizhuo. So I'm going to work now and I would recommend you to drop this nonsense before I get home.”

You don't even let her say something back. You grab your work bag, car keys and you're gone with the wind. Now you're in the worst possible mood ever, sorry to all of your coworkers today.

—

“What's up with the VP today? He's crashing out over a few small mistakes.” One of your coworkers whispered in the break room. “Isn't he married to that fine woman? What issues could he have?” Another one said, edged with slight envy.

“Probably just some troubles in paradise. It's their one year mark soon. Everything goes to shit after that, I would know.” A supervisor says, his voice quieting with the last part of his dialogue. As if it was scripted, the workers collectively release a sigh, remembering the way they used to formerly be with their partners.

Of course, there was always someone keeping an ear out for a good conversation—minus the collective sigh at the end—especially when it has to do with someone she's been keeping an eye out for.

You are half near losing your mind. The argument from this morning and now your team was making numerous mistakes regardless of how small they were. ‘Fuck, I need to smoke’ You think getting out of your chair that you'd been glued to for the past four hours. Besides, the air and the person waiting for you will clear your head.

You press the elevator button a few times and that small action makes you wonder just when you have become such an impatient person. You used to love a good wait time especially when you were about to do something you had promised yourself you would never do again. Fortunately, the elevator opens, inviting you to enter it and whisk yourself away from the stress of your life.

“Hold it, please!” You hear a feminine voice call out, her heels making a light jog towards the elevator which you hold your arm out, keeping it open. “Thank you so much. I wasn't ready to wait another 10 minutes for the elevators.” The black haired girl breathes out and you chuckle nodding your head at her.

“I hear it. I still can't believe they only have two elevators for a fifteen floor building.” You say, getting a better look at the woman who's in a neat pencil skirt and a button up shirt. “What's your name? Haven't seen you before.” You mention extending your hand to the woman.

She takes your hand shaking it. “The names Yooyeon. Don't bother introducing yourself, I think we'll end up seeing each other more often.” Just then the elevator opens cueing her leave. Yooyeon waves as she steps off the elevator. You watch her walk away. Your eyes are unnecessarily narrowing down on her ass as the elevator closes.

You breathe out a sigh, it has been a while since you had an easy going conversation with someone. You think for a split second just as you enter the rooftop. “Well well well, look who we have here.” You hear a sensual voice purr.

“Oh my, is that my wife's makeshift CIA investigator? Goodness, what do I owe the pleasure, Aeri.” You say sarcastically walking beside the woman, pulling out a cigarette to which Aeri lights it up for you. The woman dangerously close, you can smell her Chanel perfume as her eyelashes bat at you.

“Oh dear, have I ruffled your feathers on such a pleasant morning, sir?” She says, coyly placing her hand on the lapel of your suit. You remove her hand and breathe out your smoke onto her face. “Do you find yourself happy confusing my wife?” She fans the smoke away from her and smiles at you, if it were anyone else they would have misunderstood her smile as a genuine one.

“I enjoy it just as much as you like filling me up.” Her words make you clench your jaw. Your hand that does not have a cigarette lodged between two fingers grips her face. “Watch that mouth. You're much more careless than I thought.” Aeri only grips your blazer and throws your hand away from her face.

You breathe in smoke again, holding it in and then you blow it out. You know what's going to happen after this. You know you can't trust yourself with this woman, and she knows that just as well as you do. So you step out your cigarette and press your lips against hers. Aeri meets you with fervor and passion.

“You know you can't get enough.” She whispers haughtily, confident in herself. Unfortunately, you know she's right and so you burst out laughing to her confusion. Aeri almost gets the chance to ask you what's wrong with you but you kiss her again. Your tongue running over her lips, sucking on her bottom lip, and just like that Aeri feels like she's the only one in the world. Pressing chaste kisses all over her lips and then you slide your tongue into her mouth. You hear her release a moan, a pretty one at that. It rings in your ear, letting you grip the back of her neck pushing her as close as you possibly could.

It's an addiction, one that feels so good, one that you doubt you could stop. So you don't. You're driving Aeri to one of her father's numerous hotels to check in to so you can take your fingers out of her cunt and stick something else in.

“Fuck- drive faster, you piece of shit.” The name calling makes you scoff. “Didn't I tell you to watch your fucking mouth earlier?” You curl the pads of your fingers to hit her spot. Aeri's back arches, the back of her hand falling lightly over her mouth as she tears up. Finally, you achieve your desired silence minus the moans and ‘Fuck’ and ‘Mm right there’ ‘s coming from Aeri's mouth.

Unfortunately, you reach your destination all too quickly. You slide your fingers out of her sopping folds and she shoots you a glare but nevertheless gets out of the car, walking a few paces ahead of you. The receptionist is used to the two of you and your monthly rendezvous with the Chairman's daughter.

“Don't take so long, you know what we're here for and I’d rather not spend more time with you than I'd like to.” Aeri says, as you zip her black short dress down. You roll your eyes and push her onto the bed without much regard for her. You throw off your blazer and pull your tie off only to unbutton the first button. You crawl closer to her, you bury your face into her neck, pressing a hot kiss against her pale skin.

By the time you're done making love with her neck, your belt has been unbuckled and your pants are off. Aeri's fingers pull the waistband of your boxers down with some help of yourself. “Come on, put it in.” She whines into your ear, you aim your length at her entrance but don't do as the vixen wants.

“So fucking whiny for it, why don't you beg? Act a little cute for me, won't you? It's been so hard calming my wife down because of your evil whispers.” Aeri stiffens at the mention of Yizhuo. You can see her eyes flicker, you wonder if that's if she feels bad or if she doesn't like how much you're talking.

But the thought of reality doesn't last long before you feel Aeri press her dainty and magically gorgeous hand on your chest pushing you down onto your back. Aeri unbuttons the rest of your blouse at a torturously slow speed, which you would never admit turned you on a bit. She presses hot kisses down your torso starting at your jaw, so near to your lips and further down she went.

As a natural occurrence would have it she landed just where your lower stomach is. Her tongue flat against your stomach, giving it small kisses and kitten licks. You just wish she'd go a bit lower so you hold a hand to the back of her head and try to escort her way to your hard, pre cum leaking cock.

“You want me to suck on him? Act a little cute for me, won't you?” Referring to your cock as ‘him’ and the sarcastic repetition of your words. The two of you lock eyes for a moment before you feel the need to kiss her again. So you do as you desire but not before you get what you want.

You wrap a hand around your cock and push it closer to her lips. Aeri looks up at you and you tilt your head slightly with a pout on your lips, as your back rests against her head board. She gives in to your little show and wraps her lips around your tip, her tongue makes small circles around the head before letting more of your length slide into her mouth. You suck in a deep breath as you feel Aeri apply suction.

Your hand naturally returns to the back of her neck politely urging her to take more of your shaft. Aeri knows the desperation that you're displaying and she enjoys it but more than anything she enjoys seeing you crumble, that mask of being the all responsible, perfect family man and vice president just falls off under her touch.

Though this is something that she knows will never last forever, she gives in taking you into the back of her throat. She takes your cock whole, letting it hit the back of her throat and she lets her mouth head back to the tip. Aeri repeats this over and over. No regard for the way she’ll probably gag at having you so deep.

As if she wants to consume you whole, monopolise you, own you, the greed that she feels is most likely consuming herself but she delusions herself into thinking that she is not affected by the way your eyes are stuck onto hers.

Aeri can feel your hips twitch, as if you’re warning her unconsciously of your orgasm. Her tongue slides over your member, carefully paying attention to it in the most romantic way possible. The poised woman removes your cock from her warm mouth allowing your white hot to land on her face in untimed spurts. Your hand grabs some tissues on the bedside table of the bed to pass to your accomplice. To which she takes and carefully dabs her face, erasing any residue left.

Now you think for a moment, ‘She looks pretty.’ but you don't allow yourself to think any further, after all Aeri would tie a noose around your neck if she knew you had such thoughts, soft thoughts. You lay the woman down on her back, the rest of work would be on your part so you slide on a condom looking down at the woman under you.

“A man with no arms could move faster than you, don’t waste my time.” Aeri spits at you and you scoff at her words, lowering yourself and pressing your cock head against her wet entrance. Her back arches and her arms wrap around your neck as your cock enters her, filling every space in her cunt.

“Fuck, it’s been so long.” You groan as you bury your head into the crook of her neck, your hand slides under the back of her thigh caressing her softly as you fuck her. Aeri’s small swears and loud moans fill the hotel room along with your groans. Your hips rock back into her pelvis, and you can feel Aeri's small movements in an attempt to match your thrusts. You're stretching her out in ways she could never imagine. The tightness of her sopping pussy has you groaning out in awe.

Your eyes are stuck on the way Aeri's breasts move every time you fuck her. You throw her legs over your shoulders and get as close as humanly possible, your face perched between the woman's perfect boobs. Your mouth latches onto one of her nipples, sucking it, licking it, and giving it all your attention and focus. Aeri yelps and mewls, her luxurious sounds of pleasure leaking out of her pretty lips only encourages you to continue working her breasts. But you never forget to hit the deepest part of her pussy, you find yourself unable to stop giving the most concentrated strokes known to mankind.

“Go- god, keep going, you- fuck so perfect for me.” Aeri says as her hands manage to touch your face and bring you to focus on her face, that's contorted in the ecstasy that you bring her. Both of your lips find one another with some struggle of space, yet your tongue slides into her perfectly curated mouth and you spend time working her mouth. “You're the one who's so fucking perfect.” You praise her and you can tell she enjoys the words of affirmation after all, her cunt is tightening around you.

As if you would die if you did not seek pleasure from Aeri you continue to chase your high. Despite hers being long reached, Aeri can only let out gasps and whines asking you to give her a break. “I'll give you a break when you deserve one. I haven't even cum yet.” Your hips jerk again into her and her head falls back. The sounds of her moaning are rivaled by the sounds of your balls slapping harshly against her skin, additionally the wet sounds coming from her pussy. “You're acting like you don't enjoy this, you hear that? Those sounds are all yours. Don't get so fucking arrogant, you whore.” you spit out cruelly, and she responds with a sobbed out apology.

A small smile paints your lips, the feeling of pride swelling in your chest. Who else but you could bring the Chairman's daughter down a notch other than you? If the world was your oyster this is what you would be doing for the rest of your life. “That's what I thought. Don't forget your fucking place. And tell me where your place is?” You egg her on, you know Aeri knows the answer to this question. Her eyes look away from yours and she can only bite her lip. So you stop thrusting for a moment, which causes a whiny mewl to leave Aeri's lips.

“My place is..” she takes her time pronouncing the words. It only increases your satisfaction of watching the proud woman suddenly melt into a girl who only has her eyes on you. “...below you.” A smile slaps onto your face, your hand lands on her hair, caressing her so softly. You know she's waiting for her reward and it's your job to give her what she wants.

You bottom out in Aeri's cunt, filling her up, a cuss falls out of her mouth. Your hand goes under her thighs and pushes her knees beside her head. Your fucking her rough and murderously fast, she's practically screaming. Your cock is hitting a perfect spot, your teeth are gritting together. “This is what good girls get when they act good.” You say, your voice low and deep as Aeri reaches yet another earth shattering orgasm. Yours is on the way soon, with the way your balls are tightening. You slide out of her, you take off your condom, then you push yourself back in.

“No- wait, you can't. That's too-” Your hand falls over your mouth. “Shut the fuck up, I'm not cumming inside of you, dumb whore. I'm just feeling your insides a bit.” And to your expectations, it felt so good, you should've done this from the start. You're orgasming soon though so you slide out your cock again and let yourself finish on her tits and face.

Both of you are panting, completely out of breath. “What's with you today?” Aeri says, obviously annoyed with you, but you couldn't bother to care. “My wife and I have an interview to get to. I'll shower first.” You ignore her question and take a quick peek at your watch that is currently the only piece of clothing you have along with your ring. “Well, since you didn't read the list of interviewees. My father and I are also getting interviewed. We have no time.” You know what Aeri means and you smile.

She rolls her eyes and grabs you by the elbow and leads you to the washroom. Suddenly you feel like you have an extra 20 minutes to spare. So long as you get another blow from her. “Let's get each other clean, Uchinaga.”

—

“Do you know how much we're running late?!” You hear Yizhuo say from the second floor of your mansion. “Honey, we're fine. It's a 25 minute drive.” You were thankful that your limo at least had champagne in there to keep you company as your wife freaks out over the time.

Your eyes catch Yizhuo peeking down at you from the ledge of the stairs. Her face coloured in seriousness with her full lips pursed into an unhappy one. You lock eye contact with her and pull out one of your award winning smiles, the one that you'd use during the interview.

“Get off your phone, and tell the chauffeur to pull around.” Yizhuo's voice is elegant and perfect, and you know she means it. “Now, please.” Though it doesn't sound like Yizhuo is asking, rather she's demanding, and of course you comply. You go outside to see your chauffeur, an older gentleman with grey hair and a heartwarming aura.

“Pull around the limo, the one with alcohol. Thank you, Greg.” He nods at your words with a polite smile on his face, and he's off to get the car. You turn around to go grab your blazer and Yizhuo's fur coat off the couch.

“Sweetheart, thank you for getting my coat. You're perfect.” Yizhuo says, pressing a soft kiss against your cheek as you open the door outside for her. “Anything for you, my beloved.” You say, holding the coat open for her to slip on easily, which she does. You throw on your black coat easily. Yizhuo's coat is black fur, befitting of her white cocktail dress.

“You look gorgeous, I'm almost hurt that someone else will see you looking this good.” You compliment, earning a smile and an elegant giggle from your wife. “And all of this will be yours when we get home. As long as you're on your best behaviour.” She says coyly, and you could practically feel your cock hardening under your pants.

You couldn't wait to get this over with, get home and collect your prize. Whether you would live up to deserve it… well we'll find out.

[noirscript]

Divine Punishment

warning/s: implied abuse towards reader | implied s/a | implied kidnapping | implied punishment

note: happy holidays!

It was unnerving to hear your captor's breathing as he stood a few steps away from you. He flaunted his well-toned body without a single care given to whoever sees his naked glory.

You can only watch his reflection from the mirror that you've failed to return earlier. Your heart begins to race every time he moves from where he stood, as if preparing you for whatever may come.

But after all the abuse and punishment you've suffered from his hands, you know it's impossible to get away from him.

But Harrison is a kind man.

At least, that's how the people around him perceived him. A gentleman works hard for his wife at home without thinking about himself. A respected person in the community who never fails to help those in need at any given time.

All these kind words from the neighbors made it more difficult for you to ask for help. You've tried so many times. From the first time he allowed you to step out of the room he's kept you in, to the time he allowed you to attend his company's year-end party. You've tried so hard, but all of your attempts remained as it is.

"I shouldn't have expected much from you," he said upon finishing the cigarette he was holding. "It's my fault for trusting a bitch like you."

Tears began to blur your vision, but you saw him slowly approaching your unmoving body. You clenched your hand against the duvet beneath you, a poor attempt to escape from his bubbling rage once again. But before you could even move an inch, his left hand pinned it down.

"Tell me, my dear wife..." he began, whispering against your ear. "What made you think that Gina will help you find the "restroom", hm?"

"Hnggg..." you cried as you shut your eyes. 

He flipped your body over and grabbed you by your cheek.

"Open your eyes and use your fucking words," he ordered.

Despite the pain seeping through your bones, you tried to do as he said.

Your teary eyes met his glaring ones, "Dun... no... please..."

He chuckled. "Clearly, you haven't learned your lessons."

You shook your head 'no' while chanting the word and his name like a prayer. But you know that resistance is futile.

You've also tried begging before. 

It didn't end well.

[changbinsboobs]

Who in Skz goes out clubbing?

Hello guys im back🌝

Aaannnnddd the answers will probably shock you. Def shocked me 👁️👄👁️

Chan - yes occasionally on the regular. Like if the phase is tight i see him going weekly or something, but always with a group of friends and always for fun, social interactions etc. Not to get drunk, pick up women and be a lil rascal.

Lee Know - no he prefers his solitude and peace and quite. Also the night is dark for a reason he says, when its dark you should be home sleeping. Instead of doing other stuff.

Changbin - feels socially pressured. If he goes he goes against his will. I feel like he may be in circles with very social people who like s bit wilder things than him, and even tho that's not so much his thing he wants to make his friends happy and spend time with them so he goes every once in a while but i don't see him staying long or being active, u probably wouldn't even notice he's there. Its really not his thing.

Hyunjin - he goes but rarely and its intentional. Like he doesn't go there just to let some steam of or just because someone invited him. He has to have a reason to go and a mission to fulfill. I see him going more to social networking partys. (The other guys probably too, like i don't see idols like them going to regular clubs😂). But for hyunjin i see when he goes out partying its something like an after party or a private party involving certain important people etc. He goes to things like this to put himself out there, make himself be seen, win opportunities, get acquainted with people that could be helpful to him etc. It's more like a job to him than leisure.

Han - Im seeing two polar opposites, struggled, something addiction. So if i have to string everything that im picking together i would say he either hates it and u CAN'T force him under any circumstances to go - or he suddenly loves it and get so addicted to it you can't keep him out if the "club". But that energy's really heavy and not nice at all. Reminds me of someone with a gambling problem - that type of addictive.

Felix - isn't up to his values, he has better things to do than that. I see him having went in the past while he was still "undeveloped" (his words not mine if y'all crazy felix fans come at me again im blocking ur asses IMMEDIATELY🫵🏻😤) bubnoe that he's ~mature~ stuff like thats not up to his standard. Seriously tho idk when that shift happened exactly but in the time frame of 6 months (since around i started my acc and have been reading on him) his energy has changed sooooo soooo much. I think he's going through a phase of discovering himself and building his own sense of self. As someone who can definitely relate and would say is already on the other side, i think his transformation/ rebirth hasn't really finished. Let me explain - in the past his energy felt really really strong but u couldn't see/dense it probably it was very mellow, unused, unseen by himself even, it was very very weird seeing someone with that much power not having it utilized. It felt unsettling (now i think i understand why but thats a topic for another time). He didn't really have a sense of self, was very easily swayed, influenced, and didn't really know much about himself or the world, he just felt like a little newborn and went along with the flow not really having a steering wheel i his hands he just sat on other peoples boats and floated on it and let himself be taken by wherever others brought him. This however is not the case anymore - he has his own boat, and now thinks that having a boat means the work is done and he has found his sense of self and knows who he is etc. But thats just the first step, the actual work/journey begins now. He has to learn how his boat works, learn to navigate tides, to know his surroundings to interact with other boaters (idk what they're called). U get where im going at? And oftentimes with people that have been denied their power, freedom and sense of self, and finally come to a point where they reclaim those they switch to a polar opposite of what they were before because that past self is what others were, not u, so the brain makes u go the opposite way to find urself. I see felix being in THAT stage. His energy once very fluid & accepting, suddenly feels very rigid and convinced of certain beliefs and values, he doesn't seem to have the ground to be so convinced in yk. Because that switch is so sudden. So yeah in short i believe he's on a journey of discovering himself and now he's experiencing the stage of the "other side". Eventually he'll come to a crash out, live the consequences from the breakdown and within the healing period he'll actually find his true sense of self and begin from then nurturing that seed and "growing himself" more and more as time goes. Thats my prediction.

Seungmin - loves them 👁️👄👁️ it's really his thing i think he's a hidden charmer. Like ... an actual actual charmer a casanova, a don juan. Those a mainly directed to seducing women tho, i don't see him having that reputation, he's just overall charming and can attract lots of people, feels good in that energy can entertain and just overall he's made for parties and clubbing apparently. It gives him energy & confidence.

I.N - loves clubbing too and does it quite often. Like i see him whenever he can he goes out could be as often as every night or every other night. Definitely a couple times a week. There's not much else to pick up on here, idk why he öikes it so much or what he does when he goes out but yeah he does it often.

[nocasdatsgay]

Kept - Harlots of Autumn Fic

Pairing: Reader/Beron; Mentions of past Reader/Lucien and mentions of past Reader/Vanserra Brother | Rating: E | Word Count: 2230 |

Autumn Harlots Master Post| Previous Part: Sold | Read on ao3

Summary: Lucien was gone from Autumn. The High Lord requests your presence a week later to find out if you’re worth keeping. 

Trigger Beron. Vague mentions of past non-con. Dubious consent. Power imbalance. Non-con due to power imbalance. Blow jobs. P in V sex. Fire Rope. Inappropriate use of High Lord Powers

A/N: Merry Crisis. It’s still Christmas Eve here so. Anyways no time like the present. HEED THE WARNINGS. 

Gen Tagging List: @secret-third-thing @readychilledwine @acourtofladydeath @lady-of-tearshed @daycourtofficial @hieragalbatorixdottir @mybestfriendmademe @thisblogisaboutabook @ninthcircleofprythian @pit-and-the-pen @ysmtttty @jon-snows-man-bun If I tagged you by accident let me know

A month of mourning. The whole Forest House was in black daily, solemn moods on every face. The only person you mourned was Lucien. He was so kind to you for so long. He kept his brothers at bay for the first year but eventually they got their hands on you. 

Leon, one of the two you were supposed to be mourning, was the roughest. He liked it when you cried- be it from pleasure or pain. He always made you look him in his ugly brown eyes while he fucked you. And he always forced an orgasm out of you. You might as well enjoy it too, he would whisper in your ear. 

If there was a grave to spit on you would have done it. 

The other brother was just an annoyance when he was alive. Sloppy and drunk most of the times he called for you. You could get him off with your hands and he would pass out immediately after. When he did fuck you he was quick. Maybe it was a blessing he died before taking a wife. 

It was only five days after the announcement of what happened that you received a letter with the High Lord’s seal. Your heart stopped when you saw he requested you meet him in his quarters after dinner. You tossed the letter and burned it- you didn’t want the other two girls, Beca and Rhian finding it. They were kind but even after a few years you still didn't trust them fully yet. 

When you went, you put on one of your better dresses. A burnt orange one that you wore last month at the ball. It was the newest, you felt maybe it would look better if you showed off how you appreciated his generosity. There was a guard at the door. He looked down his nose at you before knocking. A call from the other side and he let you in. 

“High Lord,” you walked in and curtsied. You kept your eyes on the floor. “You called for me?”

Silence. You didn’t look up, too afraid of this being a test. 

“I did.” He finally broke the silence after a moment. You kept your eyes on the decorated carpet. “Do you know why I called for you?” 

“No, High Lord.” 

He hummed. “Beauty but no brains then. That explains why that runt didn’t wish to keep you. I do not know why, considering he was no better.” 

You heart quickened. 

“I gave you a task when you were hired. Entertain my youngest. You must be abysmal company if you could not keep his attentions. Do you have anything to say for yourself? You may speak.” 

“High Lord, I assure you I did my best-“

“Your best obviously wasn’t good enough. Did you know? Of his dalliances with that creature?” 

You winced. “No, High Lord. I did not.”

He hummed. “I believe you. If there was one thing he did learn, it was how to be sly. Besides, if you lied I would know. I always know.” He paused and you held your breath. “That still leaves me with you. What to do with you? Are you worth keeping?” You didn’t answer. “Show me why I should keep you.” 

Your stomach sank. You knew what he wanted. 

“How would you prefer me?” You replied softly. 

“Take three steps, then kneel.” Three small steps and you kneeled on the plush carpet. “Eyes on me.”

Your gaze snapped up. He looked at you from where he lounged in his chair. You had never seen him in such tight clothes. A simple and loose ruby undershirt, the top untied. Your gaze flickered to his brown leather trousers- another article of clothing you’d never seen him in. He looked younger like this. You’d call him handsome if he were a stranger. If you didn’t know what kind of male he was. He stood. You could see and smell his arousal even from a short distance. 

“You are a pretty one,” he stepped up and grabbed you by the chin. Gods, he looked like Eris this close. “But are you worth keeping after your failure to please that runt? Open your mouth.”

He let go and you opened your mouth, resting your tongue on your bottom lip. He forced two fingers into your mouth. You only recoiled slightly from the sudden movement but kept yourself from gagging as he pushed back further. You took a calculated risk: you closed your mouth around his fingers and sucked gently. He grinned. 

“You’re a nasty little cunt. To think you were pure when we got you.” He pulled his fingers out and straightened himself. “Show me how you please a High Lord.” 

You gathered up your hair in the ribbon you kept on your wrist. He laughed at you but you didn’t pay him any mind. With your hair secured, you reached out for his trousers. For half a moment, you wondered if it would be sacrilegious to pretend this was Lucien. You did that sometimes. You wish you knew more when he bedded you so that you could make him feel good too. 

You focused and realized Beron had a belt on- it wasn’t typical Autumn fashion. Still, you undone it from the buckle and undid the button on the trousers. The dark hair on his navel came into view and his clothes were pushed aside. Heat pooled instinctively between your legs at the peak of his straining cock. When you pulled it out, you didn’t know if you physically or mentally made a noise. It was unfair how attractive the Vanserras were considering their personalities. Looking at it fully, it was just as pretty as his sons’. His hand went to your head while you stroked him. Gods, you hope you did this like he wanted. His hand didn’t leave your head while you licked up the underside of his length. 

You kept your eyes up, looking at him from under your lashes when you took him in your mouth. You bobbed once, coating him in your saliva. He tasted different- sharp like Fire Whiskey. He groaned, fingers digging into your scalp to hold you still. You knew what would come next and relaxed your jaw. 

“Good girl,” he sighed and thrusted into your mouth. 

Your mind drifted. Lucien called you a good girl. When he stretched you out with his fingers. When he made you come on his cock. The memory made your panties wet. Your gaze unfocused thinking about him; sucking his cock. He’d reward you and make you feel good too. Beron must have noticed. He grabbed your ponytail and yanked your head back. 

“You focus on me,” he snarled, flames in his eyes. 

“Yes sir.” You muttered and opened your mouth again. 

You made a point to stare at him as he thrusted into your mouth, hand tight on your hair. Did he fuck his wife like this? Did he fuck the other girls like this? They never said. They only talked about the heirs. 

“I see why they wanted you,” he groaned, his thrusts getting rougher and threatening to gag you. “You’re so fucking pretty on your knees. Cry for me and I’ll give you a treat.” 

Beron started pushing down your throat. You gagged once but caught yourself. As commanded, your eyes watered. He seemed to like that. It didn’t take long for him to come down your throat. You swallowed, the aftertaste like whiskey coating your mouth. You desperately prayed to The Mother you wouldn’t cough or choke. He stepped back, your salvia leaving a string from the head to your lips. You didn’t dare wipe it away. 

“Get up.” Beron caught his breath. He let go of your hair and you watched him stroke himself again. “Get up and bend over the chair.” 

You got to your feet and scrambled to the chair he’d been sitting in. You bent over the left arm. In your mind you were terrified but your body- you could smell your own arousal and his. You told yourself it was from thinking of Lucien. Deep down you knew the truth. You liked it. You bit your lip as he came up behind you. You stood your toes, hopping to lift your rear the way he might want. 

His hands gathered your skirt, lifting. He reached under and you inhaled sharply when his warm hands caressed your thigh. He tugged on your undergarments, making them fall to the floor at your feet. 

“I’m keeping these,” he said. 

You could hear him move. He reached down and you made sure to quickly step out of them. You didn’t understand why he would want your undergarments. His sharp inhale startled you. 

“You almost smell good enough to eat. Maybe one day if you earn it.” 

You didn’t know what that meant. 

Suddenly warm fire wrapped around your neck- he had made a fire rope. It didn’t burn but was still warm against your skin. Then he pulled. You gagged and choked as you tried to sit up and lessen the pressure. He laughed and tugged it again. 

“Lift your leg whore.” 

You steadied yourself and lifted your left leg up onto the arm of the chair. Then two more fire ropes wrapped around your wrists. You yelled when your hands were yanked off the chair and moved to your back. He pulled on those, holding you up and you tried to shift your weight to take the pressure off your throat. The rope fire holding your arms behind your back held fast just like the rope on your neck. But it seemed to be what he wanted. You felt him let one hand go and throw up your skirts. He run his fingers along your slit. 

“Whore indeed.” You whimpered when he pushed two fingers into you with ease. “My boys trained you well. Are you always this needy?” 

You knew better than to answer. His fingers felt around until he hit a spot that made you clench. The bastard chuckled. He loosened his hold of the fire on your neck long enough to shove his cock into you without warning. You moaned involuntarily. 

“Been a long time since I had such a tight cunt.” He thrusted and jolted you forward. He let out a deep groan and did it again. “Maybe you are worth keeping.” 

Beron fucked you in long hard strokes, dragging himself out slowly only to thrust into you quick and hard. The chain on your neck tightened, making you dizzy. You tried to focus, to figure out what he wanted from you. Did he want you to come? Did he want you to be silent or vocal? Vocal seemed to be what he wanted. Each time you gasped and whined when he tugged the chain made him grip your waist harder. 

And it felt good. 

Each stroke hit that spot inside you that made you see stars. It didn’t help that each thrust rubbed you against the arm of the chair, stimulating you from the outside. And with the pressure from the chain on your throat- it was hard not to let go. 

“You like this don’t you,” he whispered. “Answer me.”

“Yes,” you gasped. 

His fingers dug into your thigh.“Yes, what?” 

“Yes, high lord.”

“Good girl.” You whined and he groaned. “I’m going to cum inside of you and you’re going to walk out with my seed in your cunt. Do you understand?”

“Yes,” you struggled to get out, “High Lord.” 

He finally loosened the chain of fire on your neck and held you by the ones on your wrists. He cursed and came. You could feel the heat of him coat the inside of you. Then unexpectedly, he pulled you up flush against him. 

“Come for me.” He whispered in your ear. “Come for your high lord.” 

A command your body couldn’t disobey. You moaned loudly, pulsing around him, pleasurable warmth rolling through your body. It felt so good you forgot for a moment who had you in his grasp. Then the ropes vanished and he let go. You fell face first panting into the chair cushion. He stepped back, pulling out and leaving his cum dripping out of you. 

“Clean up your mess.” 

You pushed yourself up, turning to see him watching you intensely. Your eyes dropped to his softening cock. It was muscle memory at that point. You got on your knees and licked him clean. You looked up at him the whole time, watching to see if he approved. He reminded you of Asher, the way his face held no emotion or tell at what he was thinking. Then he shoved you away. 

“You can stay. Don’t make me have to call for you again, understand?” He tucked himself back into his trousers. 

“Yes High Lord.” 

“Out.” 

You scrambled to your feet, his sticky mess dripping down your thighs like he promised. It was by the grace of The Mother no one was in the hall as you made your way to your chambers. Beca and Rhian were missing when you entered- another blessing. You were shaking by the time you drew a bath and got into the water. You washed away the smell of him and tried desperately to not think about what would have happened if you had not pleased him. 

[simp-ly-writes]

The Assassin's Wife

─────── · · A 'Day of the Jackal' (TV series) FanFic

Pairing: Charles "Jackal" Calthrop x Wife!Reader

─ · · SUMMARY: To put it simply, you are the wife of Charles Calthrop having met him at a work event over a decade ago, your romance was story-book perfection up until when you learned he kills people for a living...

─ · · TAGS: second person perspective used, female-pronouns used, fluff and angst, scenes of stalking, blood, violence, injury, guns, and obsessive behaviours, hurt/comfort, arguments, swearing, lying, kissing, the Jackal being a ultra charismatic mf, Marissa (OC), not beta read.

─ · · MASTERLIST | TAGLIST REQUEST | WORDCOUNT: 5,570

─ · · A/N: post number 300! woohoo! soo... I kinda really loved this ask and wrote a whole bunch for it. Be ready for some fluff, angst, and then fluff again!

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─ · · You had been married to your husband, Charles, for well over a decade now. You had met him while attending a work event overseas, your job always had you traveling keeping you from starting any longterm relationships up until you met Charles that faithful night.

─ · · You remember the deep navy blue suit he wore with a light blue dress-shirt underneath. His accessories were silver and by the family signet ring on his finger, you knew him to be coming from wealth and to your surprise as he greeted you with a kiss to the back of your palm, he made his empire himself as he described to you over a few too many glasses at the bar.

─ · · Charles swept you off your feet that night with his lingering looks on your lips, the way he gently held your hand, interlacing your fingers before pulling you outside and to a cab. You remember his touch trailing up your thigh as you gasped at the back of the cab before clearing your throat and placing your head against his shoulder... much like the position you found yourself in currently as you watched your husband sleep, his arm snuggly around your side, head against his bare chest as you traced the various scars across it with curiosity.

Your husband explained to you the multitude of stories on how he obtained each scar and warp of skin as you kissed everyone the same; with love and attention as he had shown you. You simply adored how hard working he was, always away and coming back with that necklace you were eyeing in the market or a surprise vacation. But you couldn't help but miss him, want him with you, and you didn't know if that was selfish of you or not to want him with you constantly when he provided for you with utmost dedication.

─ · · But after so many years of gifts and hugs at the airport as you waved him goodbye. You felt lonely sitting in the parking lot wondering the next time you would see your husband and quite frankly, all of your friends told you he was most likely cheating on you by how often and long he was away without messaging or calling you.

You always waved away their concerns for your wellbeing as you took care of the estate, went to work for a few hours of the day before busying yourself with random hobbies and studying various topics for the off chance Charles would bring it up in conversation during one of his work rants, you liked to call them. Remembering the weight of his head in your lap, the feeling of his soft golden curls running through your fingers as he said every time, without fault, "I'd much rather be here with you, my love." But did he ever fall through with those words? no. But you loved your husband regardless.

─ · · You would always pick him up form the airport when he called the night before, waiting in a sundress with drinks and snacks ready in the car for the long ride back. Charles would place his large hand on your knee as you drove, charming you endlessly with his commentary the whole ride home, "I was beginning to forget just how beautiful you were, had to come back." "What an angel, you are. My guardian angel just meant for me." "You look as raidient as the sun in that dress, my love." "Remind me to kiss you with the same desperation I feel now when we stop."

And like clockwork, you would flush under his loving stare and words before being pulled into bed in an outward display of his love that would leave your legs weak in the morning and him bringing you both up breakfast in bed before presenting you another gift.

You held a tight smile while accepting the gift this time, not wanting to seem ungrateful yet your heart desired the non-material... and it seemed Charles understood this, had been planning something for awhile. You observed the box to be moving and to have... hole in it? You thought to yourself before looking to your husband with shock and confusion as a little bark sounded from inside.

"Charles, darling. You. Did. NOT," you gasp before throwing off the lid as a puppy comes bursting out to your chest, licking your face with gratitude before exploring the bed. Charles picks up the fluffy creature, leading it back to you before sitting near the foot on the bed, massaging your leg gently with a smile, "I know you've been feeling lonely recently and I apologize. I promise that after this next job... I won't have to work as much, this is just the last thing, I promise."

You stare into his eyes for a moment, the puppy wigging in your arms as you pet their head and scratch behind their ears with a subconscious smile growing on your face. "Really?!" you ask excitedly, blinking away tears of hope in your eyes seeing as Charles chuckles softly before you, crawling towards you both and pressing a kiss to the side of your head, catching a kiss on the chin by your new pet as well, "Yes."

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─ · · Charles had actually stayed for longer than you were used to, something about preparing and studying his opponent to strike the best deal. You nodded along, interested but confused on the details of this supposed interaction he had planned as you both walked the dog around the garden property line.

"When we get back, I just have to jot-down the rest of the details before I can join you two for dinner. I picked up your favourite bottle from the market earlier that I was thinking we could share?" You nod, pressing a kiss to his cheek before unclipping your new companion from their leash, watching as they run inside and to their water dish.

Charles's arms wrap around your waist as he presses a kiss to your exposed neck, feeling his smile against your skin, "I love you, darling." You rest your hands atop of his, leaning against his chest and close your eyes, enjoying the warm evenings breeze drifting across both of your forms before taking a deep breath and watching as Charles leaves you and heads to his study.

You get dinner moving, dancing and singing around the kitchen as your puppy runs between your feet, barking cheerfully and trying to dance alongside you. Giggling you pick him up, resting his upper arms on your shoulder as you use them as your partner, spinning and twirling towards the living before placing them in their back in their bed.

Your phone goes off as you rush back to the stove and take the tray out and leave it to cool in front of an open window before cutting the bread. "Smells divine in here," you jump, starting and nicking yourself on the knife, cursing softly as you watch the blood drip from the small cut with a wince before heading towards the sink.

Charles is distraught at the sight of you bleeding, taking quick long strides over to your form, holding your elbow gently as he inspects the small nick, "I'm so sorry," he mumbles a few times between kisses to your face before he moves to get the first-aid kit underneath the skin, patting the counter for you to sit upon as he stands between your legs and dresses the cut.

You smile at how softly he touches you, apologizing as you wince at the solution to cleanse the cut before kissing the bandaged finger afterwards. "I'm quite alright, Charles. Just a minor thing-" you begin to explain yet your husband just shakes his head, annoyed with myself. "I shouldn't have distracted you, got you hurt in the first place, I hate seeing you with this," he holds up your hand in front of both of your faces.

You press your forehead against his own, closing your eyes, "Charles, my love. I would forgive you even if you shot me. No need to worry," You joke in a loving tone- not understanding to the way the Jackal tenses feeling your touch. Visions of your corpse flashing before his eyes with life-like accuracy as he begins to feel queasy, shaking in your hold.

You pull away once feeling him start to breath heavily. His touch falling from your hand to grip the kitchen counter, knuckles turning white as he sees you look up at him with tear-covered eyes, his hand shakes with the trigger- "Charles?" you call out softly, hand hovering over his cheek, feeling as he flinches at the touch, taking a step away while shaking his head to himself before appearing... scarily calm again.

You watch as he smiles, brings up dinner and walks past whatever... episode he seemingly just had as if it had never happened in the first place... a mere fragment of your imagination. You furrowed your brows, jumping down from the kitchen counter before filling up both your plates and following Charles out to the patio where a table set with candles was prepared for you both.

Your heart tremors in your chest, watching as he pulls out a chair for you before pushing you in and seating himself. Pouring glasses of wine for you both with a cheers you gulp down the liquid quickly before gently placing the glass back down on the table and taking a bite of your food, debating weather or not to bring up what had just happened or not.

You ultimately decide not too, enjoying this moment that has been few and far between in recent months as your husband charms you like the first day you met, with coy smiles and charming words that have you falling into his arms and back into bed where you rest upon his chest, listening to his heart beating for you once more.

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─ · · Your friends call you in the morning as you invite them over before telling Charles, you rush towards his office in case he is still undressed for they all would be coming shortly to use the pool.

Knocking at the door, his voice invites you in to see the puppy in his lap as Charles fixes his glasses, looking up from the documents scattered across his desk to you with a loving smile and crinkled eyes, "good morning my love, I'm sorry I was not there to wake you."

You wave a hand on his face walking over and pulling him in for a kiss before looking over the papers and blueprints curiously, hand hovering over the smear of red ink against the corner of a crumpled page before Charles' voice redirects your attention with a hand to your hip, giving a gently squeeze, "was there something you wanted to say?"

"Oh, yes!" you jump back to your previous thoughts watching as he turns away from the desk, the dog jumping off his lap and running down the hall leaving the seat empty. You stare for a moment debating, knowing that if you sit down you might not be ready in time. The Jackal did not care about what you were thinking in the moment though, simply gabbing you by your waist and allowing you to fall into his lap.

"Marissa and my other friends are coming over shortly to use the pool, I just thought to let you know beforehand so you could get ready as well," you explain, playing with the buttons to his creme linen shirt listening to him hum. "I'm afraid that I still have-" you look at him with pleading eyes, hand brushing against the skin of his chest and trailing down, watching as the words die on his lips, "...alright. I'll be there shortly."

You quickly stand back up with a smile, cheering happily listening to him laugh before rushing back to your wardrobe to pick a swimsuit and throw-over for the occasion.

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─ · · A knock sounds at the door that has you nearly falling down the stairs and rushing to hug your guests. Marissa squeals in your ear, wrapping her arms around your shoulders as you both swing side to side. She presents you a bottle of wine and a platter of fresh fruits which you bring out to the deck, showing your guests to where the fridge and restrooms were.

─ · · You feel overjoyed having the house filled and to see the dog running around and jumping after their toys in the pool. You lean back in a lounge, soaking up the sun before a shadow overtakes the warmth. You peel up your sunglasses, as Marissa tits her head to the side, mouthing, follow me. You raise a brow in question but follow her nevertheless into the pool house in which she quickly closes the door and shuts the blinds on both of you.

"Marissa?" you call out her name, squinting through the darkness before flicking on the light," Is everything alright?" you ask again watching as her smile wavers, hands shaking as she moves to grip your own. "I think it's best for you to sit before I say anything..." her thumbs brush against the back of your hands soothingly, your heart races- debating of weather or not to quickly grab Charles for whatever news you were about to be it with.

Seemingly knowing your thoughts, Marissa shakes her head, taking a seat beside you on a stack of spare cushions for your outdoor furniture. "This is about Charles," she explains- you debate weather or not to roll your eyes. "Of course it is. What news do we have this time?" you ask, feeling irritated as you side your hands away from her touch. She looks at you for a moment before sighing, "I know you feel as though I am in the wrong for calling out your relationship and maybe I am, maybe I'm not but I only want you to be safe and happy... you're my best friend, hun and I don't want to see you get hurt."

You nod smiling, "same goes to you-"

"Yes," Marissa cuts you off, playing with her hair, "thats why I'm telling you that your husband isn't who you think he is." She bites her lip, waiting on your reaction. You lean your head forwards, "go on?" wanting to indulge in another one of her 'stories.' She cuts right to the chase.

"He kills people." You gasp, standing up and shaking your finger, "No, NO, Marissa! That is too far this time!" you stomp your way towards the door, shoulders rising upwards and tight, I can't believe she has the audacity to say such a thing. "PLEASE," Marissa runs up, gripping your arm, nearly on her knees begging, "let me explain... I-I have evidence." Your heat drops at her sincerity, the way her large tearful eyes grip your own, forcing you to take a seat again as she pulls open her phone- your hand flying to your mouth in shock.

You look at the various articles she has saved to her camera roll, the dates of the murders lining up with the most recent trips of your husband. "This could only be a coincidence right?" Marissa does not say a word, simply flipping her phone horizontally and pressing play to a news broadcast recording:

"Witnesses have identified the assassin to be a 6ft male with an athletic build. Crime investigators have released the following identikit based upon multiple accounts and ask that if you have any information on where the killer is or where they plan on going to contact local and world police immediately for the safety of the greater public."

You feel sick, head falling between your knees as you shake and cry, knowing that illustration to be hauntingly similar to the love of your life... or so you thought him to be.

Marissa rubs your back in soothing circling motions before looking towards the door and whispering her next words to you carefully, "Please, come with me tonight. Say that something happened with my family and that I need your support. We'll pack and bag and get you out," you nod along, lost in your thoughts and not quite catching her words- ears ringing from overstimulation, the clothes on your body soon feel to hot as you grip your skin in panic.

"I-I he wouldn't lie to me this way... he said he-he loved me?" you hiccup in between cries, now walking around in circles within the small space- wavering on the line of hysteria. "I have to go talk to him, this is a misunderstanding, they have the wrong accounts, they, they..." you shake your head, trying to clear your mind to no avail.

Marissa stands, gripping your shoulders, shaking you, begging you to listen to her, "Please, stay with me for tonight at least. I don't feel safe leaving you here with him, not with what we both know... he could kill us if he knows... we know..." You fall over, back into the cushions, your head feeling to heavy for your body as your spots of black start to cloud over your vision. "M-Marissa?" you beg for what you don't know as she hugs you, begging you to stand and move with her.

"Please, we have to go now. Stop the tears, we must leave-"

"I-I can't!" you shout before watching as her eyes widen, the sounds of the other guests dying down from your outburst. A knock sounds at the door, your heart drops... you both allow a moment to pass before another knock sounds, more rushed and heavy against the wood, "my love? are you alright in there?"

Charles. You and Marissa both share a look, you swallow deeply- clearing your throat, "I'm alright Charles, just an wardrobe malfunction." You hear as your... husband chuckles, "alright, I have a plate of food waiting for you by the pool."

"Thank you, darling!" you shout back before hearing as his footsteps become distant. You let out a breath you didn't know to be holding as Marissa pulls you up, wiping your face with her towel, determination in her eyes. "We. are. leaving." You nod, not trusting your words as you follow her outside, wincing at the light coming into your eyes and heart.

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─ · · You walk swiftly pass the crowd and upstairs, throwing the closet open to find a duffle bag as you begin to pack a weeks worth of clothes. You stop yourself from grabbing one of Charles shirts to sleep in, your fingers twitching as your heartaches, you bite your lip to conceal a cry as your eyes well before turning towards the ensuite bathroom.

You startle bumping into a chest as arms steady you, hand brushing against your cheek as Charles stares down at you- worry clouding over his eyes as he takes in the sight of your tears. "Whats wrong?" he asks quietly, brushing your hair as you shake in his hold... knowing what those hands have done. You close your eyes, allowing yourself to relax in the memory of his touch before pulling away and heading towards the bathroom.

Charles stands there still where you left him, glaring at his reflection in the mirror of the closet before turning around determined to find out whatever or whomever made his darling wife cry. He leans against the doorframe watching as you grab a hairbrush and a few hair ties before brushing past him and throwing them into your luggage- hands shaking as you zip it closed and place it over your shoulder.

But just before you can reach the door, Charles picks you up in his arms, you scream, and places you on the bed- standing at the foot with his arms crossed. "Running away from our issues only prolongs them. What. is. wrong?" he asks, muscles flexing as he forces himself not to physically comfort you seeing as you flinch from every slight sound you hear. Who scared you? What do I need to do in order to protect you? The Jackal thinks to himself, foot tapping in wait.

You sound out the party happening down stairs, focusing solemnly on your breathing, "I-I have to help Marissa with somethings. Her family, things went badly and she needs me?" you try and lie yet your words appear more like a question.

Your husband sighs, head tilting to the side as he analyzes your form, eye twitching... no, she couldn't know that. I've hid it well and no one else would know in the slightest... You watch every small expression tick over his features, shifting in your spot watching as he does the same, mirroring your movements- you feel trapped knowing that Charles was not going to let you leave... not without the truth nevertheless.

You look outside, hoping to catch Marissa's eyes to come and save you yet can see no sights of her. Your bag drops to your feet as you grip your hair, Am I ready to die? You ask yourself, thoughts automatically going to the darkest parts of your mind before you suddenly remember your conversation last night in the kitchen...

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You press your forehead against his own, closing your eyes, "Charles, my love. I would forgive you even if you shot me. No need to worry," You joke in a loving tone- not understanding to the way the Jackal tenses feeling your touch. Visions of your corpse flashing before his eyes with life-like accuracy as he begins to feel queasy, shaking in your hold.

You pull away once feeling him start to breath heavily. His touch falling from your hand to grip the kitchen counter, knuckles turning white as he sees you look up at him with tear-covered eyes, his hand shakes with the trigger- "Charles?" you call out softly, hand hovering over his cheek, feeling as he flinches at the touch, taking a step away while shaking his head to himself before appearing... scarily calm again.

─────── · ·

Shit, you think to yourself... his prior actions all making sense now. You timidly look into his eyes, purposefully trying to make yourself appear small... make him feel the heart you have loved ever-so dearly up until this point, and to some degree, you still do for the years of affections you both have shared.

"Tell me what you know," The Jackal asks calmly, your blood runs cold as he stares down at you, nose twitching, eyes daring you to try and lie again to him.

You open and close your mouth, unsure of what to say before letting lose knowing that you were not making it out of this room no matter what so you might as well do it with morals and truth. "I know you kill people," you begin to say.

The room is dead silent as you both stare into one another's eyes, "Tell me that you don't," you whisper, tears silently falling down your cheeks that you do your best to try and blink away resulting in only more coming. Yet in your husbands move not to answer you provides you with the most deafening answer yet... he does.

You shake your head, nails digging into your palms, threatening to break skin. You flinch again to his touch, feeling as the Jackal gently pulls your fingers away from hurting yourself- your heart hammers in your chest like a drum, you know he can hear it to by the way his head falls. "Tell me that you don't," you whisper-shot, shaking your head, confused as to how the soft and intelligent man you fell in love with, that you married and planed to have children with... kills people.

"I kill people for money," the Jackal whispers quietly, a part of hoping that you do not hear his words, that you would return to your smiling and loving self, taking him back with open arms- unknowing once more yet you understand what he says, "Listen to yourself and say it again," you demand of him.

The Jackal removes his touch, taking in a shaky deep breath, closing his eyes as his hands shake down by his sides into fists, you slowly crawl back on the bed, "I kill people for money," he says a bit louder. You scoff into a cry, "say it again."

"I kill people for money," the Jackal states picking up his head to look you in the eyes, his heart breaks seeing your tears, watching as you flinching when he moves to brush them away. You'e afraid of me, Charles thinks to himself. I've failed to protect you, the Jackal thinks to himself. You are shaking in your spot, "say it again, say it-"

"I KILL PEOPLE FOR MONEY. Is that what you want to hear? Is that enough? Is it enough?" The Jackal snaps at you before falling to his knees, head in your lap as an offering. You feel the way he grips your sides, sobbing into your skirt, pleading for you to love him. Yet you just stare forwards, looking out to the sun and all the people downstairs, your eyes catch Marissa's as you stand, his body rolling off of yours as he stays collapsed against the floor watching as you slowly pick up your bag and close the door on him.

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─ · · You felt disgusted for not being able to go to the police about your husband... or well ex-husband. You sent the divorce papers in at Marissas request after your first month out on the run from your heart but no matter where you seemed to go, what disguises or excuses you used when he would just find your new phone number again, you still loved him.

─ · · A part of you knew deep within that not every moment you shared together could be a lie. He trusted you to sleep beside him, to cook for him, to be his confidant to his "work rants," and spent his pay check on you... but he kills people... you think to yourself, 'only the bad people, promise,' you remember him telling you via letter to your mailbox during your first week in Australia where Marissa left you before returning back to Spain. You shake your head, confused with yourself; head and heart competing...

But when you saw golden locks out of the corner of your eye, green-eyes hidden behind tinted shades and tall muscular body draped in a fine linen suit... it would be an understatement to say you folded in the first seconds and fell back in love in the first moment when he picked up your hand, pressing a kiss to the back of it and refused to let go, intertwining your fingers together on the table as he payed for lunch and all your drinks without a second thought.

And when it started to rain in Amsterdam where you were currently "hiding out," he draped his jacket over your shoulders and picked you up so that your feet wouldn't get wet in all the puddles and potholes. Carrying you all the back to the apartment you were renting, waiting at the door for you to invite him inside and you did.

─ · · You watched as he unbuttoned and rolled up his sleeves to his forearms, veins flexing across his skin as he clenched and unclenched his hands when you moved past him to sit distantly on the couch. He thought about the comforting pressure of you on his lap, the feeling of your head on your shoulder and your lips against his own. He wanted nothing more than to feel your skin against his skin, to get a taste of you once more... but he allowed you space, for now... until things are safe... until the job is done, Charles thought to himself, taking a sip out of the tea you prepared for you both.

─ · · After some catching up on both of your sides, your concern grew not only for yourself and your safety, but for your husbands as he was being pinned down on two fronts. One by the police, the other by his target and his men... a part of you knew that your safety did relay on the Jackal getting his work done and knew that from you not going to the police right away, not protecting the 'public', you were in some part just as guilty as he- a participant... "let me help you.... please." And the Jackal nodded.

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─ · · Returning to Spain, the Jackal gave you a series of instructions and lists of where secret rooms, weapons, and security lockdown procedures he had installed for a moment that you had no clue existed before and never would have.

─ · · You shiver at how precisely Charles can check the various weapons on himself, flipping knives in his boots, checking his magazines and checking the sights down the barrel of his gun before giving you a kiss and telling you to go sit in the bedroom upstairs with the dog, waiting to flip a switch in the wardrobe at his request to cut all the power to the house through your earpiece.

You nodded, pulling him in for a second kiss, lingering before pulling away slightly and kissing all the way across his cheek to his ear, whispering, "live for me." You didn't receive a response, only a pat at your hit, silently demanding you to move as you pick up your furry companion and closed the bedroom door, putting on a record just like intersected... sitting still and looking pretty and innocent, just waiting on your husband to return.

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─ · · You didn't bother to look at the clock, watching as the minutes ticked over and the dog laid asleep at the foot of the bed. Your fingers running across the soft fur of their back only to startle as you hear your front door be blasted through and two pairs of boots stomp their way into your home. Your breath hitches as you quickly stand and look at the window seeing no addition people in the tree line.

You double check to ensure your door is closed before pressing down on your ear, listening closely for your queue... "Do you hear me darling?" Charle's soft tone floods your ear, you can hear him taking shallow long breaths in and out, most likely hiding somewhere in the walls. "yes," you whisper, starting to make your way into the closet- waiting... "flick the switch, gorgeous." Lights out!

─ · · You are suddenly surrounded in darkness as you tip toe your way back to the bed and place yourself on top of the covers, scrolling through your phone once hearing their boots near the door. The dog shuffles by your feet but does not move as the door creaks open and two flashlights are shined in your eyes, causing you both to stand alert. "HANDS UP!" a woman shouts, you wave your hands in the air. "P-please don't hurt me! Take whatever you want from the house!" you beg, tears starting to drown across your cheeks as you work to distract the women. "Please!" you beg over and over again dramatically, falling to your knees as your hands press against her boots.

"I'm here to protect you ma'am, just do as I say and we will have no issues," the woman in uniform tells you- you nod your head. "Stand," she demands and you oblige, rising to your feet and grabbing your pet in your arms. "Do you have any idea what your husband does?" she questions you, moving you both towards Charle's study and telling you to sit at his desk. You nod your head, hearing as her breath hitches, "he works in global sales for an insurance company," you explain.

"I can show you the new logos?" you ask confusing the woman. "No, I don't care about that... you are married to Charles Calthrop, correct?" You nod your head again, "Yes, that is my husband." The floor suddenly creaks down the hall, the woman turns around sharply, flashlight pointing down the hall as you hide underneath the desk in preparation yet hear no rounds fired.

Looking up slowly, the room and the hall now appear empty as you listen to boots run down the hall and turn down the stairs into the living room. "Stay where you are," Charles demand comes through your ear, "okay," you whisper, holding onto the dog closely as you brace, listening to the distant conversation and then... BANG... a pause... BANG BANG. Another two shots sound and then... silence once more.

"Good girl, you did your work perfectly, my love," Charles praises you before telling you to come downstairs with the luggage for you both. You feel as your husband quickly pulls you in for a hug, caressing your head in an effort for you not to see the body behind him. You feel as he kisses the top of your head, "All ready to go?" he asks you.

"I'm ready," you respond with determination.

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─ · · A/N: no part 2's to this one!

─ · · JACKAL TAGLIST: @swiftietevitdrewjew @groovyponypatrollamp @alelo23 @apaperflowerreader @itz-stuts

[suprababka]

How you first met & how they asked you out on a first date (part 1)

Featuring:

• Saitama • Genos • Speed-o'-Sound Sonic

[Garou & Metal Bat & Amai Mask: part 2] [Flashy Flash & Zombieman & King: part 3]

A/N: Merry Christmas! Thank you everyone for reading what I do and supporting me, it means a lot. I always do my best to make you guys happy because I really appreciate all of you. As some of you can remember, I've already mentioned a few times my first post with headcanons, and here it is! Finally, after all this time, I can present it to you as a gift for Christmas!🎄💫🎊🎉

(I hope I didn't mess anything up, and I'm sorry for being a bit late! I really wanted to publish this post sooner but couldn't. We don't celebrate Christmas in my country btw) Unfortunately, I had to split up post into 3 parts :((( Alright, let's see if you guys like my headcanons! :) (I low-key cringe at them tbh)

And dear anons, who requested headcanons, do not worry! I remember about you and will post everything, I just wanted to have a logical "begining" for hcs, you know?

Thanks for all the likes, comments, reblogs and following me! I really appreciate your feedback and support, guys!🥰🫶

You can check my masterlist too see more of my other works.

Prepare for possible OOC!

(Sorry if there are any mistakes!)

And, most importantly, enjoy!!!

Both of you go to the same store, so yeah, you pass by each other pretty often

(Genos even starts thinking you stalk his sensei)

And one day there is a limited sale

You get to the shop just in time to see that the last napa cabbage on sale is left

You extend your hand to take it as you feel someone's arm grabbing the cabbage

... and of course it's a bald man who you frequently run into

You look into each other eyes, both hands on the poor vegetable

Spark, emotions, passion... a-a-and he goes away with the cabbage without a care in the world

(Alright, maybe with a care to buy everything before the sale ends)

The only thing you can do is to just hum disappointed and look at the back of the retreating man

And come to think that you romanticized every encounter with him!

When you finish grocery shopping and walk out of the store, you meet Saitama with bags full of goods

It seems he has been been waiting for something... or someone, for example, Demon Cyborg

Giving one last look at him and at the cabbage in his hands, you begin walking to your house

Suddenly you hear a man clearing his throat and a "Hey, you wanted the cabbage, didn't you? Sorry, I took the last one. Here, I splitted it in half so both you and me could have it."

You turn around and see him extending the part of the vegetable

"And maybe you can be my other half?"

You're surprised to hear these words and blink for a few moments, thinking you misheard him

Saitama stares at you right back with a poker face, so maybe it's a prank after all?

"Are you joking with me right now?"

In return Saitama blinks with surprised eyes and shakes his head, reassuring that he is serious

"Well, how about we learn each other's name first and then see how it goes?" you answer, smiling and taking the half of the cabbage

And that's how you find out Saitama's name and agree to a first date

You begin walking back to your house and can't help but turn around to glance at Saitama

Then you see two figures coming up to him... from the bush

(And there is a big bunch of napa cabbage in the bush?)

You immediately recognize Demon Cyborg and... King?! Or is it someone who looks like him?

Soon you hear men talking

"How did it go, sensei? Did my tactic with cabbage work?"

"Yeah, Saitama bro, tell us. I hope you used phrases from mang- phrases I recommended to you?"

Chuckling, you continue going back home to the sound of Saitama's irritated voice, "Huh? I don't even know what you're talking about! What are you two doing here?"

"Helping you with your love interest, Saitama-sensei!"

"I said I could do it by myself! And I did it!.. Wait, why is there a bunch of cabbage in the bush?"

"I bought all of this for you, master! With only one cabbage being left, the chance you would talk to Y/n were higher than-"

"Wait-wait-wait, how do you know her name?"

"I scanned her face and found a lot of information about her."

"Genos, you can't do that!"

"If it can help you, why not? For example, I noticed that Y/n always buys napa cabbage, so that's why we needed to buy most of them, except for one."

"Wait, we? King, were you in this from the very beginning?"

"Maybe?" *nervous giggling*

Yep, dating Saitama is definitely gonna be interesting

Bonus:

Saitama has a problem, besides not having a worthy opponent to show him an interesting fight

And this issue is... his emotionlessness

Of course he can feel something like irritation, disappointment, a pang of hope, ardor from gambling, etc.

But it's not something deep

So he is confused when he gets this weird feeling in his chest every time he sees you

And the fact that he remembers your face and recognizes you speaks volumes

He also starts to think of you from time to time

That's strange

Soon enough he realises that he likes you

And just accepts this rather calm

(thanks to his nonchalant demeanor)

He's also too lazy to think about dating someone, getting to know them, going out somewhere, spending his money on something...

Nah, it's not for him, so his feelings for you will fade away eventually

Spoiler: they won't, it only gets worse

Alright, so he should just walk up to you, ask you out, get rejected and go on with his life peacefully

Sounds like a plan

"So, Saitama, you're quite pensive today, what's on your mind?" King asks while kicking his friend's ass in a game

"Eh, there's just a girl that I like. I thought it was temporary, but I guess I was wrong. So yeah, I gotta ask her out."

King is both perplexed and shocked: is this really Saitama? Saitama who isn't wasn't looking for a relationship? And he acts like it's something usual?

Ah, it's Saitama, he is always cool as cucumber, right

"I see. So, how are you gonna talk to her? And who is she, by the way?"

"Well, I don't know her. We just keep running into each other. I will just go and ask her out. If she rejects me, then I'l just live on. If she agrees on going on a date, then I... I guess I will deal with it on the spot."

"Huh, in that case you should think about your words to impress her. Something like "It looks like destiny keeps bringing us together, huh?", or "I know we don't know each other, so why don't we fix that?", or "I keep running into you, I think it's because you're magnetic.", or..."

"I agree with King," Genos suddenly says, watching Saitama play videogames with the S-Class hero, "I also believe that lucky coincidences such as choosing one product, accidentally bumping into her, standing next to each other in line can increase the chance of success. Though, sensei, I know you don't need any of that, she should feel honoured to be considered as a romantic partner for you. If she is not, then she doesn't deserve you and isn't able to see your greatness, master."

"Yeah-yeah..." Saitama answers to both men

(he didn't listen to them)

So when he takes the cabbage right from your hands and hears your disappointed hum, he feels like a jerk (just a little bit)

But on the other hand, it means that you'll probably reject him and he can go back to his usual life, right?

In that case, he can't let the chance slide

While he is waiting for you to appear, he decides to apologize and give you the half of the cabbage after all

Maybe it will irritate you more and make you dislike him?

Oh, and in addition he should say something romantic-alike, so you'd definitely say no to him and he could continue his peaceful li-

You agree to go on a date with him

Oops, everything goes NOT according to the plan

But, surprisingly for Saitama, he doesn't feel sad or troubled with the outcome

On the contrary, he's excited and feels like it's easier for him to breath now

Wow, it's something new

And strange, but in a good way

Genos is always busy with Saitama or away on missions, at S-Class hero meeteings, at Dr. Kuseno's place, etc.

So he doesn't have time to date, not that he's interested in it, getting stronger and taking revenge on The Mad Cyborg is his top priority!

(Saitama and Dr. Kuseno are his top priority too of course)

Though, you unintentionally managed to catch his eye

How? Genos doesn't know

Once he just noticed you feeding a stray cat when he was going to Saitama's place

After that he started seeing you there again, again and again

Until one day he decides to walk up to you

Why? Genos doesn't know

And he just stands there, staring at you and the stray cat

You glance up to him and can't help but feel intimidated by Demon Cyborg

"Uh, excuse me, can I help you?" your voice comes out like a begging for mercy

He looks straight into your eyes

Even though his gaze is intense, you feel yourself getting lost in his eyes (as cheesy as it sounds)

There is something capturing about them, they are so cold yet so humane

"No, I just noticed that you regularly feed this cat," suddenly the young man speaks

"Ah, yeah, I do," you answer, breaking eye contact and returning your attention back to the cat, "Isn't he cute?"

All what you get in return is a simple "Yeah"

The S-class hero definitely wants to hear more of you

Why? Genos doesn't know

How can he continue your conversation without asking stupid questions? Or what if you want him to back off? Why does he care about any of this, anyway?

Young man catches himself overthinking for a first time in a long time

(silly boy doesn't understand that he always overthinks everything, especially anything related to his sensei)

Genos comes back to real life when you stand up, say goodbye to him and go… wherever you have to

He stands there, processing what just happened and deciding that there are some things that matter more than this

After a minute he walks away to Saitama's place

If only could he understand how wrong he was, not realising that it was far more than just a simple conversation

Because Genos starts seeking for any opportunities to run into you, to talk to you again, making your conversations longer and longer (and he is successful in this)

Even Saitama notices it and start teasing him about his crush

Genos denies it of course

But sensei doesn't believe his student and points out to young boy's attraction

(Saitama is desperate to get Genos spend his time somewhere else, besides his home)

"Just go on a date with her and see how it goes. If both of you don't enjoy it, then I guess I was wrong. But if everything goes well, why not take your chance? It's not like you will lose anything... Well, except for money."

"Sensei, I... I must write it down!"

In all seriousness, Genos listens to Saitama's advice and decides to go for it

The next day after this conversation he spots you feeding the stray cat yet again

When he walks up to you, he notices that you didn't have much to offer

"Ah, sorry, sweetie, I thought there was more leftover food in the package... Don't worry, I'll buy the new one and give you more food next time, okay?" you talk to cat, petting him

"Then it's a good thing I brought some… just in case," suddenly you hear man's voice and immediately recognise it

"Ah, Genos! It's good to see you again."

"Likewise, Y/n-san," he answers, feeding the cat

(and the corners of his lips are slightly raised??)

"Going to your sensei's place, huh?"

"Actually, no," he stands up, looking at you seriously, "I wanted to know if you would like to spend some time with me."

"You mean now?"

"Not necessary, I would like to book one evening with you to get to know you better."

"Can I clarify something first?"

"Of course, what is it, Y/n-san?"

"Are you inviting me on a date? Sorry for being straightforward, I just want to know your intentions."

Genos.exe stopped working

Really, your question leaves him dumbfounded

Why is he like this? Genos doesn't know because he always finds reasoning for everything

Well, looks like everything besides this

"To be honest, Y/n-san, I want to understand my feelings towards you and I believe learning more about you will help me with that."

As for you, you are perfectly aware of your fondness towards young man

And of course you agree to a date-not-date with him

(on which Genos realises he actually likes you)

Bonus:

"Are you really going to just sit here and glare at me?" after losing another round in some PSP game, Saitama looks up from the screen and sees a young boy who has been attentively watching his sensei for… the past two hours

"Yes, I need to document your every movement, sensei."

"But not when I'm just playing. It's useless."

"I wouldn't say so..."

"Don't you have some better things to do? I don't know, go to some meetings or... flirting with that girl... or whatever."

"Flirting with a girl?"

"Yeah, the one who feeds the cat."

"You got it wrong, sensei. I'm not romantically interested in Y/n-san."

"Ah-huh, sure. You totally don't look at her when we pass by with hearts in your eyes."

"I physically can't have hearts in my eyes."

"Figuratively. Just admit it, she caught your attention. You don't pay attention to others. So it means something, doesn't it?"

"Sensei..."

Seeing confusion on his student's face, Saitama immediately feels a glimmer of hope that Genos will start spending his time somewhere else because of... certain "Y/n-san"

"Just go on a date with her and see how it goes. If both of you don't enjoy it, then I guess I was wrong. But if everything goes well, why not take your chance? It's not like you will lose anything... Well, except for money."

"Sensei, I... I must write it down!"

"No, that's not what you should do..."

"To be honest, master Saitama, I think you are right. I have underestimated the effect that Y/n-san has on me, so I agree that I need to get to know her better. Thank you, sensei."

"Uh, well, no problem... but you didn't have to bow."

The next day Genos spends on throughly planning asking you out

(yeah, he likes to think everything through)

So, we all know that Sonic lives in the forest

And he has a special place with a lake and waterfalls where he likes to spend his time and think about... well, everything

Escape reality, you know?

Sonic even believes that he's the only one who knows about this magical spot

Just imagine his face when one day after the intense training he goes there and sees someone in the lake

Disappointed, he decides to make an exception and leave this person alone

Soon he'll come back and his spot will be free, right?

Well, yeah, but...

This keeps happening every time he tries to unwind under intense waterfall pressure

Of course Sonic sees this as competition

He needs to complete his training faster and reach the lake before this person appears? You are on!

And he manages to do that

Proud of himself, he relaxes under streams of waterfall

But there is one thing Sonic didn't think through: you weren't aware of your competition

So, you go to the lake to spend your time here as usual

(you don't notice a young man sitting on the rock in the waterfall)

You unpack your things, lay a blanket and get undressed, staying only in a swimsuit

Suddenly you manage to barely notice something or someone moving in the bushes

Soon you realize it was a man

Not wasting your time on thinking, you immediately grab your stuff and start running away

Your heart starts beating even faster when you hear him calling you and chasing after you

It gets even scarier when you catch a glimpse of this man chaotically jumping from a tree to tree with unbelievable speed

You keep running until you bump into something and fall

Rubbing your bruised area, you open your eyes and see the same young man in front of you

And he is... naked???

"Aaaaah! Don't touch me!" you scream, crawling away from him and throwing tiny sticks at him

"Hey, stop doing that!' Sonic brushes off all of your attempts to defend yourself, "I won the competition and came here first, so it's my turn to spend time here!"

"What?"

"You heard me. You were at MY lake every time I came there! So I took it as a competition and today I won! I came here first!"

"Your lake? There is no sign saying it's a private property! Since when it's your lake?!"

"I discovered it first."

"What's not how it works!"

"Whatever. I came here first, so I have every right to be there alone."

"And I have every right to be there too! Since it's a public place in the forest!"

"But I left you alone every time you were here!"

"Well, you didn't have to! Or you could put something on, you know!.. Wait, "every time"?.. You were watching me? Pervert!!!"

"What? No! I went back to my place!"

"... Just cover yourself already!" you find your blanket and throw it at him

Taking your blanket, Sonic wraps it around his waist

"Listen, man, if you don't want me coming here, just say it and let me go. I don't want any trouble..." you stand up and wipe away all all the dirt

He is about to exclaim, agreeing with the condition, but... he examines you and your body

You are... rather cute... beautiful... lovely!

Suddenly the thought of never seeing you again makes him sad

"N-no, it's not like that..." he whispers, looking away and trying not to blush

(he miserably fails to cover the pink colour on his cheeks)

"J-just... Uh.."

Why does he feel nervous suddenly?

Meanwhile you stare at him, taking in his every feature

He has beautiful loose wet hair and a sporty body which is covered in scars and in drops

And his face is so cute!

But let's not judge a book by its cover, right?

"You can come here whenever you want to..." Sonic finally speaks

"... Thanks? But isn't it the opposite of what you wanted?"

He's silent for a moment, "It doesn't matter. I just want not to be disturbed. That's all."

"I can understand that. Well, how about we just distribute the time according to which we will spend time on the lake?" you try to find a solution to the problem

"... Yeah, that makes sense. But maybe, uh... Youcangivemeyournumber so we could inform each other?"

"Ah, what did you say?"

"I said... Let's exchange our phone numbers?"

"Good idea, it's more reasonable than what I suggested."

And just like that Sonic dictates his number to you, says goodbye and runs away, disappearing in the woods

"Uh, wait! My blanket..."

But it's too late, he's nowhere to be seen

(don't worry, he returns it next time you see each other)

You'd think that this is how your relationship develops: quick meeting and texts turn into long ones

But Sonic is faster than that

So he awkwardly asks you out a couple days after this… "incident"

Of course you say yes, why not?

(or should I say "who wouldn't?")

Bonus:

For the rest of day Sonic isn't himself

His thoughts always come back to you, to your sweet voice, to your cute face, to your capturing eyes, to your alluring lips that he badly wants to ki-

Wait, what?

He is Speed-o'-Sound Sonic, the fastest and the most skilled ninja in the world!

So why does he feel like this?

Why he wishes you'd be here with him and watch how he trains?

Why he wants to amaze you?

Why he smiles like an idiot re-reading your sms "Hey, it's Y/n :)"?

Why he wants you to text him more? To be with him under a waterfall? To show him your kindness again? To spend more time with you?

Why he craves your presence and attention so damn much?

These thoughts live rent free in his mind 24/7

He even dreams about you!

The next day it gets worse

He feels like he's a obsessed maniac

(poor guy just wanted to interact with someone and be accepted as a normal person: he doesn't realize how lonely he is)

And maybe he has a crush on you?

Nooooooo, he can't have someone something distracting him now, can he?

...

In the end of day (literally) he admits his feelings for you

However, he can't just confess to you straight away, right?

He needs to take steps

For example, he should start by asking you out first

But how?

Should he casually suggest spending time together?

Or maybe just send you a text?

Or leave a note somewhere?

Or maybe he should show you some of his tricks and wow you that way?

Well, considering how you tried to run away from him... it might be not the best idea

And since he wants to talk to you in person, then the only option left is to have a conversation with you and ask you out

Now he has another problem: what should he say?

"Go out with me."

No

"I thought it'd be great to spend some time together one evening. What do you say?"

No

"Heeeeey, watcha doin', girl? Wanna hang out with me?"

No

"Y/n, I know I came off as someone weird or creepy, but I promise I'm not. Our first meeting wasn't quite what you would call normal, but maybe let's change that?"

Nope, but he's onto something

"Hey, I'm not a pervert and want to go on a date with you. How does that sound?"

No

Ugh, why is it so hard to come up with anything good?

Maybe he should just go with the flow and the right words will find their way?

Yeah, sounds like a plan

(little he knows he's gonna mess everything up)

When it's time for him to approach you and start a conservation, he feels like he's going to puke from nervousness

But it's too late to back out

"Hey, Sonic! How was the training?"

"Hey... Uh, good. And you?"

(he was thinking about asking you out instead of training)

"Me too, the weather is nice and the water is warm."

"G-good to know..."

"Alright, see you around, Sonic!" you wave him goodbye, starting to go away

"W-wait!" he suddenly exclaims, pointing at you... and blushing?

"Huh? What is it?" you stop, turning to him

"I... I... I'm not a pervert!"

"O-okay, glad to know so? I mean, I kinda figured that out, despite, well, you know what..."

"But I want to- Around you I- What about-"

"What?'

Taking a deep breath, he finally asks, "Do you remember how we first met?'

"Of course, it was just two days ago..."

"Let's repeat that!"

"Whaaa- No, let's not!"

"I mean... Let's, uh, start over?"

"What exactly do you mean by that?"

Feeling embarrassed, he sighs, "I want to take you out..."

"Eeeeh? So what's why you have a katana? To kill me?! Please, don't..."

"What? No! I wanted to know if you'd like to go on a date with me... But I guess I messed up... So forget it."

"That's a shame, because I'd like to spend some time with you."

"Really?!"

"Yep."

"You're not joking?"

"Nope, I'm not. Well, unless you are."

You can tell by Sonic's facial expression he didn't expect such turn of events

"I'm serious! I'll send you the information!"

"Okay!" you smile, giving him thumb up

"Bye!" after saying that, he disappears

"Bye?.." you say to nothing (again)

Though, you kinda feel relieved to be left alone since you need to calm your racing heart down and stop yourself from jumping out of happiness

As for Sonic, he spends a lot of time, trying to calm down and reassure himself that his dream wish came true and he's not dreaming

(yeah, Sonic is a blushing mess around you)

[blubun0309]

[TW // SA mention] + EPIC: The Musical Ithica Saga Spoilers

Can we talk about Odysseus real quick because, dear god, this song is so beautifully poetic

Let's start by addressing my favorite detail: the chorus. The chanting of "Odysseus" in the background. You know why this is important? When have we heard a name being chanted by the chorus in EPIC before? In the songs of GODS and MONSTERS. He's not any man walking in that palace, he's the one who BUILT IT. The man who's survived 20 years of war and bloodshed, the only man who came back alive from a troop of 600 men who fought against Troy and literal Gods. He's the KING of this palace, and they WILL chant his name, wether in fear of him or not.

Odysseus has learned from his journey and how he single-handedly takes down 108 men in a five minute song shows it. He's applying every tactic he learned. He traps them like the cyclops, attacks in his palace like Circe, aims for the torches like Scylla, using ruthlessness like Poseidon. He's become the monster they created.

And the vocal performance is impeccable. Jorge's voice is so amazing, you can HEAR the anger Odysseus has towards these men, who planned to hurt *his* boy, and touch *his* wife. He snarls, he kills, he has no mercy towards these pigs, his mercy has long since died.

And let's address that: He rejects open arms from one of the suitors. Open Arms had been a consistent melody in almost every saga I believe, every time it was something to keep Ody afloat, a melody that reminded him of his best friend, and he clinged onto it in his lowest points. It's not just the melody, it's what it represents. The ideology Polites and, at one point, Odysseus stood by. That they could change the world with kindness and forgiveness. But Ody has gone through enough, and in no situation where he tried to be kind did it work out for him, as he was met with bloodshed and anger. He has no forgiveness left towards the people who've wronged him. But from a different angle, you can see why he rejected open arms from the suitor. After they planned to kill his son and rape his wife, they want MERCY? No. Odysseus won't give them the mercy. They don't deserve it. Killing their leader is not enough, he knows better now. How DARE they use the words of a dead man, his best friend, to save their sorry asses? They have no right to do so.

Odysseus' rage is so powerful because he has had enough. He won't allow these men, ANYONE, to hurt his family, not after everything it took to come back to them. He'll die a cold death before he allows that to happen.

And the suitors, oh they KNOW they fucked up. They know the story of Odysseus, they know how tactical he is, they know. And that's why they *fear* him. That's why they beg for forgiveness they won't receive. It's either beg or die.

However, they have a strong point: Telemachus. Oh, Telemachus, you couldn't have arrived at a worse time. I think it's a bit difficult to catch, but Ody wasn't the one who left the armory unlocked, it was Telemachus. He went in there to get gear and didn't backpedal to close the door. And for that small mistake, they got the upper hand against him. They held down, beat, and hurt him, all to get Ody's attention. Even though Telemachus begs for them to spare him so Odysseus spares them, to have open arms, they still decide to strike. A foolish choice, because Odysseus won't stand for it. How DARE they... How DARE THEY HURT THE YOUNG MAN HE FINALLY GETS TO BE A FATHER TO.

Let me remind you, Odysseus killing all these men is Telemachus' first impression of his father. After 20 years, he's here. In front of him. But he's not the kind and gentle man his mother described him as, he's not the man who spares first. Odysseus is filled with rage, and he doesn't even hesitate as he kills the monsters who have tormented him and his mother for 20 years.

Odysseus is no longer the man he was, nor the monster they've all created. He is the final battle. His theme is the one of a leyend. He's become the final boss. His heart is filled with rage of torment the past 20 years have put him through. And no one will want to mess with the King of Ithica again.

[aishangotome]

Azel Radwan: Chapter 4 Normal Story

Chapter 4

Thank you @shatcey for providing the video for this chapter!

♡———♡

Azel: Enis, tell the High Priest...

Azel: ...that the God has taken a liking to the foreign girl.

-

(...This is...)

(Didn't this just turn into something outrageous...?)

I knead the dough in the bowl vigorously, trying to calm my agitated heart by focusing on the task.

The series of events at the castle didn't seem to be a dream, as my fingers, tired from excessive kneading, were screaming in protest.

Even so, I don't stop.

My remaining rationality urges me not to vent my frustration on the Living God.

Azel: I think it's about time you started talking to me, don't you?

Emma: ...................

The root of all evil sat perched unceremoniously on the counter, watching me work.

His nonchalant attitude, devoid of any "sorry" or "thank you," made me sulk.

(Enis's eyes had clearly changed color, and the women were flustered.)

(Judging from their reactions, this is the first time the Living God has shown a "fondness" for a specific member of the opposite sex.)

Of course, he's not actually fond of me in the way those words imply.

I was simply used as an excuse to drive away the many women sent by His Majesty the King and the "High Priest."

(...I was taught back when I was Belle that passing on one's bloodline to future generations is one of the duties of royalty.)

(Surely, the Living God, with his special status, is no exception.)

(But... why do I have to get caught up in this squabble?)

Azel: You may be unhappy about this, but I'm unhappy about it too.

Emma: If you're unhappy, then go retract your statement right now.

Azel: No way.

Emma: I hate it too.

Azel: It's a shame you're stuck with that debt.

(Is he going to bring up the debt every chance he gets?)

I crush the dough in my hand, and I think I see Azel's expression twitch slightly.

Emma: It must be nice to be the Living God. Even if unpleasant rumors spread, you can just take refuge here.

Emma: But I, staying in the royal palace, will be exposed to curious gazes.

Azel: In exchange, your treatment will improve significantly. You should be grateful to me.

Emma: ...Shouldn't you be the one who's grateful?

Azel: Then, as a reward, I'll give you the right to call me by my name.

Azel: You don't have to formally call me "Living God." I may not have introduced myself, but I'm Azel.

Emma: ...I'll pass. I feel like there's some ulterior motive.

Azel: Surely not.

Emma: I'll never trust an evil God again.

Azel: Oh, I could sue you for defamation for that. I'll change the amount on the invoice later.

(This person... no, this God...!)

Azel: If you keep being reluctant like that...

Azel: ...the worried princes of Rhodolite might come and attack me.

Azel: Is that alright with you? Violence against a God is grounds for immediate expulsion, but...

(Ah... I see. I have to act like I'm not completely against this at the castle.)

(This is truly unpleasant.)

Azel: By the way...

Emma: Ah!

Azel reaches for the appetizer I had finished earlier and pops it into his mouth.

It's a simple dish of just vegetables and cheese on a baguette, but perhaps because it's unusual for the Living God, his face clearly shows delight.

Azel: Delicious.

Emma: Snacking is prohibited!

As he reaches for a second one, I hurriedly take the plate away.

Azel: Isn't it the same whether I eat it now or later?

Emma: It's bad manners.

Azel: To lecture a God about manners...

Emma: It doesn't matter if you're a God or a human. If I hold back what I want to say, it will never get through.

Emma: I'm dissatisfied with both the snacking and being used as a shield against women!

(This is also something I learned when I was Belle.)

(If I'm deferential just because someone is a prince, I might end up as an accomplice in falling into a trap or being dragged into bed...)

(It's precisely because I've been through a lot that I know the importance of asserting my will without fear.)

Even if the other person is a God and not a human, if I accept everything, I'll become a slave in the truest sense of the word.

That's the one thing I didn't want.

Azel: It's just right that you snap at me like that. It would be troublesome if you fell in love with me.

Emma: You have quite the confidence.

Azel: It's from experience. Some of the women who flock to a God become serious.

Azel: ...Disgusting.

(What's with that way of putting it...?)

Perhaps something happened in the past, as his beautiful face becomes terribly distorted.

His merciful smile disappears, replaced by a clear expression of disgust.

Emma: Is it wrong to fall in love with the Living God?

Azel: It's absolutely forbidden.

Emma: Why...?

Azel: Because it's an eyesore.

*flashback to dream*

???: Love isn't such a great thing.

???: Sometimes it's better to end your life as an innocent person who knows nothing.

*back to present*

(That just now was...)

I stop my hands at the voice that passes through my head.

It should be a non-existent memory, but for some reason, it overlaps with Azel in my mind.

Emma: ...I think "eyesore" is a terrible thing to say.

Azel: Then let me ask you. How would you feel if a man you didn't like clung to you?

Emma: I wouldn't like it.

Azel: See?

Emma: ...That's exactly what you are doing now, though.

Azel: A God is an exception.

Emma: It's not an exception.

Azel: In other words...

(...He blatantly avoided the question.)

Azel: Being loved is an eyesore, and a God will never love a human.

Azel: But the fools still plead for me to "love a human," even though they know that.

Azel: I'm so sick of it.

(I wonder if this has happened many times before.)

(...No. Judging from this look of disgust, something even worse than today might have happened.)

I don't know the circumstances, and I'm still resentful that I got dragged into something that has nothing to do with me, but his genuine distress comes through, and my agitated heart gradually calms down.

Emma: So, the Living God decided to keep me around because he saw in me the quality of someone who would never fall for him?

Azel: That's right.

Emma: Then, there are some words you should say to me, right?

Azel: Huh?

Emma: There are, right?

Azel: ...........

I smile sweetly, and Azel, perhaps understanding what I'm trying to say, furrows his brow deeply.

Azel: ......Please, help me, God, Goddess, Emma.

(Unexpected... If I ask, he'll actually say it.)

(Though he looks extremely reluctant.)

I sense a bit of sincerity, and my anger subsides.

Emma: Very well. I'll consider this helping a person... no, helping a God.

Azel: ...What is this sense of defeat?

Once I've made up my mind, the rest is the same as when I fulfilled my role as Belle.

I swallow my hazy feelings and face the bowl once again.

Azel: Oh, right. I forgot to mention...

Azel: Be careful with your belongings from tomorrow onwards. Who knows where they might plant a love potion* (aka aphrodisiac).

(...........)

Emma: ………… What?

.

.

.

Chapter 5

If you’d like to support my translations, feel free to buy me a coffee here! :)

[aceinacloset]

!FNAF SL REDUX!

Character Profile #6 Funtime Foxy

The boisterous and prideful Foxy of the Funtime crew, known for his theatrical performances and interactivity. Another Main character in FNAF SL REDUX, and quite a lovely fellow all around. Let's head into the mind of such a fun Fox like hers.

Oh yeah I should mention this now, if you still don't know. Funtime Foxy in FNAF SL REDUX is gender fluid and will go by she/her, he/him, and they/them pronouns. So I will be using them interchangeably.

Funtime Foxy was the first Funtime animatronic built and completed. Designed to be inviting and a great attention grabber, smelling of strawberries and having a wonderfully loud megaphone voice. They were originally planned to be purple, but it just didn't look quite right to Afton.

Fruity Ass fox

Funtime Foxy was the perfect entertainment for children with expansive imagination, making and acting out fun stories for the children to enjoy. He's also one of two funtimes who can interact with the kids, making her an even better entertainer.

Funtime Foxy has always been sensitive to light so his shows really give off the theater experience (lights off), and when they were put in the underground facility, originally she was pretty chill. It was dark, it was quiet, the others were in the facility, and Fred was here with him. It was only when Fred would flee, that they would begin to feel empty and alone.

Then she would be experimented on by Afton. It didn't affect them too much, but they would become the 3rd of the main 4 Funtimes to be able to see Liz. Her remnant did affect him though, just like the others.

Funtime Foxy after this, would become very skittish and would try really hard to avoid the staff as much as they could. It didn't always work and if staff got too close he would pounce, making her difficult to deal with or even just do maintenance on. When Funtime Foxy was alone they mostly sulked, but when they began being able to see Liz, anytime she was present he would put on a show for her.

When Circus Baby's Entertainment and Rental opened, Funtime Foxy would be ecstatic, and not much would change in relation to how they entertain, the only noticeable differences would be if he was rented out with someone else. She adapted real quick, though, just happy to be on stage again.

Foxy was not fully aware of what the plan was, in the same vein as Freddy, she only knew of the whole “Ennard” part. So like Freddy they had no intention of keeping the most recent technician alive, unlike Freddy that would be a big mistake.

Something CB learned was that she could trigger Foxy and/or Ballora's emergency stop. It is temporary, about maybe 10 to 12 secondary long, but long enough if needed.

And for this moment, it was crucial

Sorry, Foxy…

Funtime Foxy would soon after join the amalgamation, and once Circus Baby arrived he had a few choice words for her.

Let's move on to after CB had been thrown from Ennard, obviously him and Freddy butted heads a lot. With ballora temporarily out of commission, and no one else to reel Freddy in other than Bon Bon, Foxy would be the one to try and take charge. Freddy was not too enthusiastic about her impromptu leadership. Every chance Freddy would get he would take to making snide remarks towards Foxy and their choices.

Foxy wanted them to get in a stable condition, while Freddy was far more eager to just start exploring. It was constant back and forth till Foxy inevitably just took charge

Foxy would scour far for anything that could be used as a piece to make their body more functional, and for a while all they had was a plastic cup and thick tarp to cover them up. That was until they found a box of spare parts.

Taking a couple leg and arm pieces as well as a hook for defense, they would flee the scene and finally would begin to explore. Much to Freddy's delight

Foxys preferred exploring bigger buildings, usually Blockbuster (when it existed), radio stores, and even places like Target (to look at the clothes) obviously these places are usually a bit more locked up and may have security there so they usually have to flee.

Foxy tried really hard to avoid people, but did really miss entertaining on stage, but right now they really didn't have a choice.

By the events of Fnaf 6, Foxy would be the most skittish hiding in the darkness and largely avoiding everyone, including CB (before they truced)

When it comes to Afton though, Foxy watches from the shadows, observing Afton till attempting to pounce at just the right moment. It fails most of the time, but she tries. 

When it came to the fire, Foxy was more accepting, maybe it was exhaustion, maybe not, but she was just tired at this point.

Like the others, Foxy would not die but have her AI brought into the Employee Virtual Training Program.

Fun Foxy, HW 2 Funtime Foxy

Foxy’s reaction was vastly different then the others, reaction more being ‘WHERE THE HELL AM I?’ since they would never enter the private room. It would take less time for him to pick up on the fact that this isn't real, mostly because he had more characters around him that just didn't respond or react to him (This would be before the others knew how to Level hop)

Learning that his friends were with him in this strange new world made him feel so much better, and much like the others would enjoy themselves in this strange place because at least they were safe, safe forever.

Now onto her AR skin

(Note: This skin is specific to this Au and does not exist in Canon Fnaf materials)

Ship Sunken Foxy

Drowned in the sea, dawning a pirate's hat and coat, and not of that mortal realm, but still the same Funtime Foxy that we all know and love. He was released during the Wicked Tides event and was the second to last one released for the event. Grungily voice, and smells of seawater.

And that is the end of Funtime Foxy’s character profile

Circus Baby Character profile

Ballora Character profile

Funtime Freddy Character profile

Elizabeth Afton Character profile

Katherine Afton Schmidt profile

[vandumps]

so athena, presumably, witnesses everything odysseus (monster version) does with the suitors (because we hear that she's there) and then, during "I can't help but wonder" she says i can't help but wonder what this world could be if we all held each other with a bit more empathy which I think is DIRECTLY paralleling the conversation odysseus and her have during "my goodbye" when he was trying to explain the open arms ideology and how he didn't want to kill polyphemus because unlike you, every time someone dies, i'm left to deal with the strain. now, as we know, she told him to put his emotions aside and to finish it and that he would regret not listening to her.

(lowkey she was right rip king)

BUT ANYWAY, the events unfold and the next line she sings in ICHBW is: i can't help but feel like I led you astray, because we know she feels responsible for where odysseus ended up, like she says in "we'll be fine" throughout most of the song but specifically during maybe if i'd made a different call, maybe if i hadn't missed it all, maybe he'd be fine. she feels guilty that she turned him away. odysseus losing his light (and then his light went dark) is her fault in her eyes, because she realizes that he was right (that's just like you, selfish and prideful and vain) because what is a title that a goddess could lend if he never sleeps at night? she thinks her warrior of the mind ideology destroyed him.

then, back in ICHBW, she says: what if there's a world where we don't have to live this way? i take this as her leaning into the open arms of it all, because maybe if she'd been kinder to odysseus, if she didn't ghost him for 7 years and left him for dead, maybe he wouldn't be as broken as he is now. maybe he wouldn't have had to become the monster to get home.

but he is broken. he did become the monster. so he says: if that world exists, it's far away from here. it's one i'll have to miss, for it's far beyond my years because he can't afford to believe that anymore, he had to destroy the part of him that could. that man is no longer him. but he follows it up with you might live forever, so you can make it be and I, personally, take this as him encouraging her to train more warriors of the mind, in the open arms light, to prove that ruthlessness isn't the only way to come home.

and so she says very well because she knows he's right, he does have one endeavor. there's one girl he has to see.

(in other words: this is them admitting the other one wasn't entirely wrong, but accepting that it's too late for them to right their wrongs with each other. but, ultimately, that's okay because despite the hurt and the tears and the trauma, they learned!)

[archivalofsins]

Haruka, Mu, and Kotoko have been guilty for how long now? The first several prisoners to be guilty have been acquitted under their second ruling for how long? This break has been going on for how long? This post took how long? This is old news-

That doesn't matter. If anyone knows how things work here I always show up several days or months late with snacks. This isn't about my mannerisms though it's about theirs- So, let's talk about the subtleties and nuances of the no longer not so new second karaoke collaboration art in,

A Bunch of (Cyber)Punks

A Bunch of (Cyber)Punks [Part 2:] Let's Get Dystopian! (Es and Haruka are donewooo- In progress.)

Part 3: A Matter of Restraint (in progress)

Huh, why didn't I talk about it day of? Well I was doing some other things of importance don't worry about it~ Do I have a history of doing anything bad? It's probably nothing. No concern of anyone's.

You have @apatchworkstar and I to thank for the graphics that will be outlining this post. Hope they help with following along.

Now let's start from zero,

00b Es

The protagonist and the audience's vessel. They have no memory. Once they awaken they become a prison guard within Milgram Prison. They have no particular doubts or desires to learn about their origins. They fulfill their role as a prison guard every day as told to by Jackalope. Es interacts with the prisoners to unravel the truth behind the crimes they committed and the reasons for them. In order to discern whether to forgive them or not. They have a delicate and beautiful appearance but their gender is unknown. Height: 157cm (5'1)

There are some things to note about Es' appearance within the new cyberpunk inspired collaboration art. Firstly, Es breaks the mold of their peers by having a color outside of the main one affiliated with them used to emphasize their outfit.

Where staff could have chosen to go with the gold trim of their iconic uniform they instead opted to use the innocent and guilty colors. Leaning heavily onto the guilty color while using the innocent one to accentuate their shoes.

Choosing this color to accent the shoes could be representative of Es' attempts to put their best foot forward throughout the series. Meanwhile their uniform being all red (the guilty color) could represent the trials of the job or Es' changing perspective when it comes to Milgram as a facility.

It no longer having the stunning golden reputation it once had in their eyes. A recognition on some level that what they're doing is dirty work and ultimately may be unhelpful to everyone including themselves. Something that was shown throughout their statements over the course of trial two.

Yuno's Second Voice Drama (-273.15°C)

1:02s (One minute and two seconds in)

"Regardless of if you are interested or not, I am just going to do my job." Job...huh. Hey, how is it? This chaotic situation you wrought with that splendid job of yours? Is it fun? "What are you trying to say?" Are you personally satisfied? I mean, having forgiven and not forgiven. The inside of the prison is like this now.

10:58s (Ten minutes and fifty-eight seconds in.)

"I'm sorry but that's the sort of place Milgram is." Then I hate Milgram. "It's fine if you do."

11:31s (Eleven minutes and thirty-one seconds in)

Well, I guess so. But if you refer to the law, regardless, I can't be accused of murder. "This is Milgram." Yes, yes. You love Milgram a lot don't you, warden-san? "...That is not particularly true." I'm sure.

Futa's Second Voice Drama (Baptism of Fire)

1:03s (One minute and three seconds in)

"No that's-" Are you satisfied? Since you decided not to forgive me. H... hahaha. Are you satisfied dishing out punishments that are easy to understand? "That's not it..." Huh? "I wasn't thinking you'd receive a punishment like this and I didn't instruct Kotoko to do that, either. Punishments executed through violence..." Huh... "I didn't think it would turn out this way." Keh, heh, hah... hahahahahaha! "What's so funny?" Big words. You did want this- This. Me looking like this. "You're wrong! Finding out why you all became murderers and figuring out how to judge you; that's all I'm looking to do-" Hey. Look at me. My right eye. It looks awful, doesn't it? I to constantly keep it patched up to prevent any trace of dirt coming in contact with the wound. "..." [recoils]

Like a coward who can't face the consequences of their own choices- Yeah, I fucking said it. I'll say it again. Oh they're just fifteen. Didn't stop anyone from hounding the twelve-year old. Time flows differently in Milgram some folks theorize. how convenient we can keep the cycle of dogpiling on children strong. They ain't getting any less fifteen according to some. How long can this remain an excuse. Just because this brat is perpetually fifteen ain't making them any less accountable in my book. Es needs to take some accountability lessons from Amane.

"I don’t agree with the fact you refuse to acknowledge that I have my own free will, and that I should be held accountable for my actions, just because I’m a child. I may have only been alive for 12 years, but all the choices I’ve made, even if they weren’t the best ones, were entirely my own. What point is there in you getting sad when I have no regrets myself?"

Instead of I don't know crying like a fucking child go I didn't mean it to the person they possibly irrecoverably injured due to what they choose to support by voting in favor of it. It's not like Es didn't have suspicions but choose to deem her innocent anyway. Naw it'd be wild if they just blatantly admitted that at any point,

2:57 (two minutes and fifty-seven seconds in)

"..." You forgave her for feeling that way. You- "It's true that I got a bad feeling about that side of her. When she said there are times where it's necessary to stand up as justice against evil..."

I mean certainly she told me everything she was about and I said close to with my full chest yes more of that please but- I didn't know she would do what she did again here! That she'd be a repeat offender and not want to stop. I didn't know that she would use someone having a negative reputation regardless of how small- Be it in the news or my own personal eyes as an excuse to jump those people! How would I have known?!

Meanwhile Futa is just sitting here like,

(Beginning of small tangent)

Futa: Ya know I'll go down this road with you. Play me her first trial video real quick like- Let's hold off for a second here. Because maybe you're telling the truth and there wasn't enough information for you to guess she'd do something like this.

Es: Really?

Futa: Yeah, I'm honestly willing to extend the benefit of the doubt and try to see this from your perspective. I mean I didn't think she would do something like this when everything started either.

*three minutes and thirty-four seconds later*

Futa: ... *head in hands*

Es: I see now how there were a few red flags.

Futa: A FEW?! WHAT DID SHE HAVE TO DO PUT I JUMP PEOPLE ON HER HAT- WHICH SHE TECHNICALLY DID?! She advertised for anyone to see that she jumps people who do crimes regardless of how small. In a building where everyone has done a crime what about voting her innocent seemed like a good idea. Even you're technically doing a crime! One of those people were a bike thief- What the fuck is wrong with you she murdered people over theft this isn't a hard case to solve are you insane? You're accusing us all of murder this facility abducted several people everything in this building has committed a crime. You, me, the fucking air too maybe- Hell probably your rabbit as well. She's gonna kill all of us at this rate.

Es: Well, I don't think she'd do that... But I did extend a generous amount of the benefit of the doubt and assumed she wasn't as harsh on everyone of course.

Futa: ... No, no absolutely not. Hold on... What was Mahiru's?

Es: ...

Futa: Es-

Es: I think we should stop pursuing this train of thought now.

Futa: Are you fucking serious no show it run that shit-

*three minutes and thirty one seconds later*

Futa: ES- SHE'S IN A CAST ES?! A CAST ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS WHY- WHAT ABOUT THAT WAS BAD?!

Es: Don't you wanna I don't know defend your own video or something this is starting to make me feel a bit bad about my choices...

Futa: You should feel bad! And no I at least know I somewhat deserve this but what the fuck.

Es: Okay, okay I need you to know I am not bad at my job I am trying my best.

Futa: Are you?!

Es: Yes; yes I am! I-in fact- I can show you a verdict you'd agree with-I have one judgment you'll agree with completely!

Futa: Oh, yeah sure let's watch it-

*three minutes and forty-eight seconds later*

Futa: Yeah you were right for that. You were correct in that judgment like- God damn how may people did he kill.

Es: Probably less than Kotoko with how things are going.

Futa: ?! Some of us just deserve to be able to leave or at least have locks can we order locks.

Es: I'll order some...

Several months later-

Es: *watching Deep Cover* (Oh fuck Futa was right she is going to kill us all at this point.)

Futa (outside the glass window of the interrogation room which only has this window for the bit): *mouthing* I fucking told you!

Es: *head in hands*

Kotoko: *passed out in the fucking extraction machine*

(End of small tangent.)

All that to say Es be suffering in this job. This job sucks. They aren't paid they get put into coma for several months until they're needed. They don't even get to use the facilities or be around the prisoners like that. Who they admit to being fond of despite everything. They've admitted multiple times that this work is hard on them and they find no enjoyment from it.

They worry constantly about the sort of person this work may be turning them into. They are not doing a good job or having a good time. Trial two does it's best to consistently highlight this wherever possible.

Futa's Second Voice Drama (Baptism of Fire)

2:07s (two minutes and seven seconds in)

According to Shidou, it's likely that I won't ever be able to see with this eye again. Sucks, huh? "I didn't-" "I didn't want that to happen", is it?

3:12s (three minutes and twelve seconds in)

Heh, hahah! Milgram changes shape according to your judgment. The standards of judgment, the world that you want... This is what it's all about, huh? "...It's not like that..." Not forgiving me but forgiving Kotoko... That's what it boils down to, isn't it? Isn't this the result you wanted?! Heh. You're laughing aren't you? Even now, seeing what shape I'm in. "You're wrong, I-" "...didn't think it'd turn out like this"- right?! "A-ah..." I get that.

At times Es doesn't even agree with the judgments they made along with the audience.

Kazui Second Voice Drama Imposter Boulevard

4:20s (four minutes and twenty seconds in)

"The reason I forgave you was because I was lacking details. I still don't understand your true feelings or how things got to that point either." I see. "It was extremely hard to understand. Even with all that poetry, though, your self-absorbed nature was more than obvious." Oh, my... That's quite a sweeping generalization even though you forgave me? "It's a personal dislike of mine. People who act based on their sexual urges like that, that is." It's personal? "Yeah. That's right." That's strange. I did think that despite being neutral as a warden, you had some things you disliked, but... ... Isn't it unusual to openly reveal a personal dislike as a personal dislike? (A.K.A why would you have to reveal this as a personal dislike if you could have just voted me guilty based of it being one. Unless someone else is judging me and you can't just make the decision based on your dislikes alone. Why not just say you dislike it warden and explain why I'm innocent despite that.) "You're splitting hairs!"

This leads me to believe that Es' appearance in the collaboration art is another progression of what was implied with them from the third anniversary art as well as in the second trial voice dramas.

How they're getting stained by their own judgment, their proximity to the prisoners and Milgram. That the more the judge these sins the dirtier their hands get and the further under they go. That Es as the warden of Milgram and the proxy of the audience is finally starting to question what that fully means.

And is now asking the question Milgram as a facility has asked since the beginning-

When all three trials are completed, what will be the ending that awaits the prisoners and you?

That maybe the prisoners have been when they said,

See? Aren't we the same? - You're... the same as us aren't you? You just got caught up in a bigger picture.

Futa Second Voice Drama (Baptism by Fire)

6:16s (Six minutes and sixteen seconds in)

"You and me...the same? Me, who decided not to forgive you, not anticipating that you would be severely injured for it, being the same as you... Who killed without anticipating the other person would die, is that what you're trying to say?" That's right. What's the difference...? Mahiru is still on the brink of death! If she had died from that we'd be exactly the same! "... Don't make a fool of me!" Huh? "I've seen it! The way you got amusement out of your actions like it was just a game! The way you so easily elevated yourself to act as a one-person jury!! That, being the same as me?!" ...! "You've gotta be kidding! I am the warden of Milgram, the one who judges your sins! It's not just you and Mahiru- I've faced all ten of you prisoners with my own life. Don't lump me in with someone like you, who used someone's sins for cheap entertainment!"

It's Not My Fault

1:08s (one minute and eight seconds in.)

"Sorry for hurting you, but I didn’t mean it- I am doing this is just because of being bored. We are just the same."

Futa Second Voice Drama (Baptism by Fire)

7:33s (seven minutes and thirty-three seconds in)

...Heh... Haha...Ahahahaha!! Pheeww.... WHF-AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! YOU'VE GOTTA BE A COMPLETE IDIOT! "Excuse me?" JUST HOW BIG OF A DEAL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?! Seems like that fancy hat and outfit of yours are making you feel real high and mighty! "Careful with your words, Prisoner no.03."

Shidou's Second Voice Drama (Aesculapius)

1:48s (one minute and forty-eight seconds in)

"Don't lump me in with you! You're an inmate, I'm the warden! Now that I've started this I intend to see it through to the end."

Now of course there are other explanations for why they would go with red instead of the usual gold associated with Es' uniform.

Red could have been chosen as an attempt at not having too many shades of yellow within one image. Though for that to make sense one would need to blatantly ignore the several shades of blue, the repeated adding of yellow and green hues on prisoners who have never had that color (looking at Haruka and Amane)- As well as the simple fact Futa's prisoner color is red and they made it lighter so Es could have the guilty color basically but we'll get there when we get there.

Still, even ignoring all of those points. The color chosen here isn't even the one most associated with Es when it comes to merchandising. Even the light from the Hallucination event has their color as green while every piece of merchandise has their color as the one behind them within the collaboration art promotional image,

The color used for most of Es' clothing here is the red that stains the edge of their uniform within their character art on the website. The color most associated with the Milgram website overall and with being guilty.

Outside of those instances this color lines the box Es holds in their second trial character art and within Undercover. The infamous 000 box. After we see it for the first time we're shown this image,

This one image displays just how similar Es is to the other prisoners within Milgram. At the same time it serves to display how above the others they believe themself to be. The other prisoners' ten boxes lie on the floor at Es' feet beneath them in ever way as their own box sits right by their side literally put on a pedestal.

This superiority Es feels is displayed from their very first interrogation,

Haruka's First Voice Drama

6:02s (Six minutes and two seconds in.)

[slaps Haruka] It hurts. What are you doing?! "I'm the prison guard. That just now is how I'll educate you prisoners. I'm allowed to do so."

Want to take this moment to point out that in Futa and Kotoko's second voice dramas Es states that punishing people with violence was never something they supported. Yet they say this is how they'll educate the prisoners right after smacking Haruka in the face then continue to get violent with prisoners over the course of trial two. Just throwing it out there for the second point.

[grabs Haruka] "Got that. Listen carefully, prisoner number one. I'll say it any number of times- I'm the prison guard. Understanding your true nature is my job. No matter what you are or whatever nasty work you've done- I'll see all of it. Making judgments is my job. To say something like that... "You'll be abandoned"? Don't take me so lightly." [faint whimpers] "Until I know your sins and complete my judgment as to whether they're forgivable or unforgivable-"

"You're objects for me to govern."

"Don't think I'll let you escape." Prison guard... [giggles] "Wait a second... Haruka, what are you smirking for?" Ah, I'm sorry. It must be creepy, right? "It does creep me out." [throws Haruka]

"It's a personal dislike of mine. People who act based on their sexual urges like that, that is."

Yuno's First Voice Drama

3:44s (Three minutes and forty-four seconds in)

Hey, hey- What did you and Haruka talk about? Making that boy smile like that must've taken a lot of thought, right? "I will not divulge the contents of what was said during that interrogation. However... Let's see. Shall I enlighten you about what I did? I slapped him right in the face with all my strength and made sure it hurt." Wow~ Is that why he came back with such a bright smile? Well, isn't Haruka Mr.Kinky!"

Haruka's First Voice Drama

7:24s (Seven minutes and twenty-four seconds in.)

"It does creep me out." Ah, you've got it wrong... This is a strange thing to say but it made me a bit happy. "Happy?" Yeah. "What an odd thing to say even if I'm the one saying that. Being imprisoned being restrained even being interrogated like this too-"

Haruka's Second Trial Voice Drama

6:01s (Six minutes and one second in)

Mmnn, nnghh! ...I'm not an idiot...! "Yes you are, idiot! I don't dislike idiots who know their place, but as you are, you're a cocky idiot instead. Just looking at you makes me sick! Idiot, idiot!" Ghh...! You're mean...! "Sure I am. Anyways, right now, calm down- Haruka. Your past self would've been a lot more cooperative right now." Fssh... *sniffle*

"I just wanted to be your good boy- Why am I crying again?"

[slaps Haruka] It hurts. What are you doing?! "I'm the prison guard. That just now is how I'll educate you prisoners. I'm allowed to do so."

"Please don’t say that I am a loser- Hug me again as you once did." - "Haruka, what are you smirking for?"

Haruka Second Trial Voice Drama

8:30 (Eight minutes and thirty seconds in.)

"And you believe that killing someone because of that was the right thing to do?" I don't know! Then what should I have done, in your opinion? Even after stealing things important to her, my mother still wouldn't show any interest in me! Then what do you think I should have done?!

MILGRAM / Character Voice Trailer [Full Ver.] Glitched Voiceline

"Then what should have I done instead?! Tell me! Tell me so even I can understand!"

Then what should I have done, in your opinion? - Then what do you think I should have done?!

Haruka Second Trial Voice Drama

9:03 (Nine minutes and three seconds in)

As I thought. Warden-san, you're not my mother at all. "Huh? Never have been." Yeah... Yeah, right, everyone only has one mother. The mother who never looked at me wasn't my mother either. "What are you saying?" Heheheh, hahahaha...! "You're pretty scary, you know." Haa... I'm sorry, warden-san. For causing you trouble.

"What an odd thing to say even if I'm the one saying that. Being imprisoned being restrained even being interrogated like this too-"

Futa's First Trial Voice Drama

10:46s (Ten minutes and forty-six seconds in.)

Last words...? Oi, Es! "What is it?" Why were you laughing? "Hm?" You did so at the very beginning! You evaded my question by saying, "I was just thinking to myself"- Didn't you? I've been feeling restless ever since- That really gave me the creeps ya know?! "Oh, that. It's because you're the first prisoner to actually act like one. To be honest, it made me a little happy. So, that might be the real reason I was so keen on teasing you." Haaaa?!

"Isn't it natural to get angry in these sorts of situations?" (Haruka's First Trial Interrogation 7:48 Seven minutes and forty-eight seconds in.) - "You're the first prisoner to actually act like one. To be honest, it made me a little happy."

Over the course of Milgram- Step by step, interrogation after interrogation we learn more about Es. Their likes, dislikes- How they show concern for others. The sort of the people they're biased towards.

Yuno's First Trial Voice Drama

7:36 (seven minutes and thirty-six minutes in)

"Yuno. On the outside, you look like you're fooling around tut on the inside, you're actually a good person." Thank you for that. You're giving me too much credit though, you know? "However, it also explains why you've given up. About yourself, human beings, even the whole of society, you've realized everything- That's why your expression is so cold." Hm, what's this? A lecture?

Q.16 Do you have anyone you hate?

Yuno: People who like to lecture you.

"Just shut it, will you? You know it all."

Like really, who do you think you are? - JUST HOW BIG OF A DEAL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!

Slowly but surely we're being shown the sort of person Es is. The same way we're being shown the sort of people the prisoners are. On their second trial cds the prisoners are given doors that they are blocking in some way.

Every door is ajar or cracked open slightly.

I believe the 000 box that Es is holding within their second trial character art serves the same purpose as the prisoners doors in their second trial cd covers. It's a doorway to the sort of person Es is,

Since the one's sat beneath them are more than likely belong to the other prisoners and they all appear to be the same colors. All black with red accents to mark them as murderers/sinners. It's possible that Es while being chosen as the guard may be a murderer themselves.

Oh wait but then what about the 011 line that Kotoko says within Deep Cover,

“UNDER” Inept “011 Guard”

Well, and I type this with joy in my heart and a smile on my face. Kotoko is misinformed, ignorant, and completely incorrect about how these numbers work. Similarly to Futa- Kotoko is a character that is used to poke fun at the assumptions and behaviors of the audience.

In her case she makes fun of the audiences habits including my own of running with our own assumptions regardless of what the story tells us.

It's like Yuno said,

"Really? If you ask me, Kotoko is someone I would never want to make my friend though. She's the type who picks a conclusion from the very beginning and won't actually talk to you."

Kotoko is the sort to pick the answer she likes the most and run with. Simply ignoring anything else that may contradict her preconceived notions. Instead of compromising she's more likely to just blame everyone else around her for not falling in line with her way of doing things. Say things like people are always like this, it always goes this way etc- Without ever wondering since it's always going that way for her then maybe perhaps this may just be a her issue and there's something that she needs to work on within herself.

Naw it's society that's wrong. She's not an entitled individual that fully believes that everything in the world should bend to her whims and anyone that doesn't listen to her the voice of reason can't even be considered human.

Nothing would imply that.

Kotoko's Second Voice Drama 10:15s (ten minutes and fifteen seconds in)

How ridiculous... It's always like this... All you weaklings always act like this... All you enjoy seeing someone getting hurt... "Might be so." All of you enjoy seeing a bad person falling down... "Can't deny." You keep asking for it but as soon as it happens near you by your own choice, you all start complains and evading your responsibility-

Lol, literally no one asked you to do this. Literally no one. How I did it for you ass people get when someone goes when did I ask you to though? "Why are you people always trying to evade responsibility for what you had/made me do?"

You're always like this... Always such idiots! I acknowledge it. You're the strong one and we're weak. You're right. But that's how we are. You have no power, and yet you make no effort to gain it! You're talking about justice, but it just doesn't make sense! You're invested in people's disasters, yet you take a position of "I have nothing to do with it"! You can't even face your true selves!

Deep Cover

Swaying to and fro? Laughable justice So ridiculous, isn’t it ridiculous-

"The scale tilts to and fro, I yearn to be found “GUILTY” but it tilts towards, find me “INNOCENT”."

"Can’t stay away- Please don’t forgive me." - "What do you mean INNOCENT, if this is my punishment- Now I see, this world is cruel and merciless."

"Should I knock on the door?" - "So ridiculous, isn’t it ridiculous- They’re still here, still here, it grates me."

The swinging to and fro comment that Kotoko makes is more a reference to Shidou's second trial song and the way the audience dictates the verdicts. Swinging to and fro going up and down in percentage points.

Pretty much how the Milgram voting system works.

So, Kotoko doesn't have to be talking about Es in Deep Cover at all. In fact it would make more sense if she was talking about the audience.

Deep Cover as a song already directly references Undercover. If Kotoko saw Es' video than she should know that their number is 000. As we went over just a few paragraphs back Es' music video does nothing to hide that fact.

Now if she just heard the song that's a different story but given some of the observations she makes and the fact we know that she was hiding out in the interrogation room during extractions from Mikoto's first voice drama- Possibly making him the only person she did not see the first trial video of since Es had her leave the room before the extraction began. Though she seems to reference it just fine in Deep Cover. So, she probably still saw it.

However, he getting the numbering system from Es' video would explain why she's using three digits instead of two. Since no one would automatically assume that a group lower than a hundred would be numbered in the three digits. Usually they'd assume it'd go 1-10 straight no added zeros or how Es says it in the voice dramas,

Futa's Second Voice Drama

"Careful with your words, Prisoner no.03."

Haruka's First Voice Drama

"Got that. Listen carefully, prisoner number one."

In most instances Es hasn't even really used the extra zero themselves. It is unlikely that Kotoko got that information from general conversation. Meaning that she's either seen the visuals to get that information or completely wild assumption she just ordered the CDs to Milgram and has been listening to them all.

Since the numbers are also on those. As well as on certain promotional material,

Yet, even then 000 is on Es' own cd cover not in the center like with the other prisoners but it's there right on the left none the less,

Kotoko would have to be really bad at gathering information to miss all the things that plainly state that's Es' number is not 011- Or more than likely she was referring to the audience/voters like many other prisoners were during this trial.

Now, let's talk about the 00b used within this post. As we've gone over I'm not using the traditional numbering system. The number system I'm using is the one in the save file names for the character art on the Milgram website.

Es' character art on the website is literally named character_solo_sp_ character_00b and Jackalopes character art has the label character_solo_sp_ character_00a.

This continues to highlight what Jackalope has said about this being his Milgram and puts him firmly above Es,

This is a good time to note that the prisoners from this point forward will be numbered based on how they were in their character art file.

But the promotional images and even the cd covers use three digits. So, why don't you- This is funny. It's funny and it's new information. I don't need any other reason than the fact that I just want to honestly. Plus it's an easier way to cement the information to memory for me.

Now from this information I've begun to speculate that Kotoko may not have actually gotten a good look at the other prisoners music videos. That she is in fact going off of the assumptions of the audience. That it might be possible prisoners not only hear what the audience is saying about them but others as well.

Tying into what Kotoko said about knowing this is what the audience as well as Es wanted but now both want to act like they had nothing to do with it.

There's no reason that this couldn't be a situation of both these things happening and she not only saw the music videos but heard the audiences desires in regards to other prisoners. It's just some of the things she states in Deep Cover are so surface level that I find it hard to believe that she really got a good look at the information herself. If most of the information she has gathered is from the audience and her own observations from living with the others... It would explain why she wouldn't be aware of this other numbering system.

Since it's something directly related to the Milgram website and her circle of information begins and ends within the Milgram facility.

Unlike Futa who had QR codes throughout his second video linking directly to the websites voting page. Implying he for sure knows about the website. Something that has yet to be explained. Personally I haven't seen anyone discussing the file names of the images from the website. It certainly may not have been discussed enough for the staff to find it necessary to add into the story in any noticeable way as of now.

Meaning there's a good chance that info just wouldn't have come across Kotoko's radar yet. I don't doubt she'd know about the three digit system because it's quite literally plastered everywhere.

Either way she'd still be referring to someone else because the audience has known Es is 000 since Undercover the song her second trial one pays homage to. If she knows enough about Es' song to directly reference it than it would make sense for her to know their number too.

One could posit that Kotoko made Es eleven based on the b part which would make Jackalope the first zero. This could also be a clever attempt on her part to position Es as beneath herself. Since she's literally last in line every other prisoner is above her numerically. Something that she could find grating. This would continue her parralels with Futa and Haruka who both seem to get upset at things like that as well,

"Can I be your favorite this time?" - "Pressure, pressure! Whatever you do, you’re still last in line."

"They’re still here, still here, it grates me."

Besides the 000 box this red is predominantly associated with Milgram. As it is the same red used throughout the website. Meaning this could allude to Es being consumed by their work/losing themselves in the job as well.

The fact that the color most heavily associated with guilt is what was chosen as their predominant accent color could allude to how they've begun to view themselves over the course of Milgram due to the choices they've cosigned and the results that followed. The sparse green on the shoes possibly being representative of their good intentions and putting their best foot forward from the position they're in.

The fact that they had many areas to accent and choose to put as little of the innocent color in as possible and even add the red to inside of the cape says a good deal about the intent to me.

However, when mixed with Es' expression in the art it only becomes more apparent.

Gone is the anger of their second trial character art as they have a expression of uncertainty. Their eyes wavering as though trying to stand firm to their own choices while doubting if they were correct.

This issue was alluded to during the "Report on the end of Second Trial",

You’re afraid that your decisions are going to lead to something that you can’t take back?

"Hm, I see......how absolutely ridiculous. There is nothing in this world that you CAN take back. Not just in MILGRAM. You can’t turn back time. And anyway, whatever happens to them, none of it can be taken back. It’s not for the guard to worry about."

Anywho- on to prisoner 01!

So many pictures for Es alone well I guess that means no one else is getting a lot. Unfortunate but the others should be more straight forward.

01 Haruka

Wow, it sure would suck to be given affection just to have it taken away. That certainly would be a cruel and unusual form of punishment. Especially if the person being treated in that way stated upon first meeting them that they were wary of that happening to them again,

Haruka First Voice Drama

"I-I shouldn't get too i-involved with people in the first place. Even with all the prisoners they might misunderstand. It's no good."

Why is that? Just do as you please. The bonds we share with people are the very thing that shows our human nature, that's what I believe.

"It's something, I can't even tell you, prison guard!"

Even to me?

"You shouldn't get too close to me. Bringing misfortune to people is the only thing I'm naturally good at. The more you know about me- I'm sure I'll bring misfortune onto you as well, prison guard."

Haruka.

"Because! Because... Ah, I'm sorry... For just talking by myself."

Continue.

"It'll happen sometime. I... I... Even though I try to be normal, everything gets ruined."

"You, everyone, if you knew me... If you knew everything that I did... I'm... I'm gonna be abandoned. That's bound to happen."

So wary in fact that one could very well consider his current circumstances a self-fulfilling prophecy. Ah, no- did I say current circumstances... My mistake-

Luckily, that didn't occur at all.

That's what I meant to say. Because that definitely didn't happen. I mean how many people would so willingly walk into such an obvious trap? I mean really- If everyone else was jumping off a cliff would that make any of you want to join them?

This is the bandwagon mentality dragged to light over the course of Milgram. A lot of the time it doesn't matter how realistic the concerns stated are.

Say for example,

What if character x hurts y?

What if the relationship between these two characters is unhealthy?

What if the choices I cosigned lead me to a situation I can't take back?

Silly concerns like that doesn't make a person more or less justified in their opinion. It's valid for anyone to think or believe anything on a situation they become aware of regardless of how little or how much they know. To ask a person not to think is the same as asking them not to exist at all.

Yet, when people assert those thoughts onto others and try to dictate how a stranger exists. Well, that's the line between an individual and society, right? At that point it's best to live at the behest of the majority no matter how incremental that majority is. It's only fair that a system puts the will of the many over the will of the few.

It's unfortunate isn't it?

Seeing what being a part of the minority feels like. To a lot of people Milgram will be their first and possibly only taste of that frustration.

The sort of frustration one feels when losing in a game, a work of fiction- Yet, would easily belittle those for feeling in regards to real world decisions that may possibly have a great negative effect on a many people.

Thinking back on every loss in Milgram. Every character that one may have wanted innocent that wound up guilty. Each one some may have wanted guilty that wound up innocent. The way many may have pushed for their desired outcome, the echo chambers created to circulate the same information over and over more easily, the fussing over what comparisons to real life forms of discrimination are okay and which are not.

All the while everyone is still compared the material to real life issues that suited their egos more. Issues that served to frame the actions presented as something the character acting them out had no choice in. Something easier to sympathize with or in other cases something completely inexcusable or unforgivable. A senseless act of cruelty by an uncaring and unsympathetic character that deserves to get as good as they gave in the narrative.

Using tactics not too different from their detractors, most people who have engaged with Milgram have worked to make their voices heard in one way or another. Be it through their votes, comments, or fanworks. All using the same social issues and biases they may balk at when used under a different framing.

Isn't it cruel to recognize that some people only care about other individuals, systemic ills, and mistreatment only as far as it allows them to support themselves and no further? As long as doing so can make them feel good.

Isn't that such an immensely disheartening thing

It's a subtle self-serving aspect of every individuals ego that they can't look past. One thinks x is good because they can relate to x and if x isn't good then that means they aren't good. So, x must have been justified, there must be a good explanation for character x's actions-

Because if there's no good explanation for them what does that say about the part of us that relates to and sympathizes with them.

If this character turns out to be bad it's as if the story itself is saying the viewer is bad.

Isn't it a terrible thing when one can't see past the good they want to see in someone and view the person who is standing right in front of them. All so they can spare their own feelings. So, the viewers ego doesn't get bruised...

It's ceases to be about gaining an understanding of the person or character becoming more about validating oneself through them.

That individual or character ceases to be a construct separate from the viewer turning into an ideal to strive for a projection of the viewers own self-worth.

The thing validating their identity.

Telling them it's okay to be as they are.

So, when the reasons laid out fail to live up to the viewers interpretation they end up feeling betrayed.

In real life this mentality would lead to the people being treated this way feeling forced to walk on eggshells in order to keep being good in that person's eyes out of fear of being discarded. Behaviors that they may want to change become hard to break because they can't be sure how that person will feel about them if they change. They try to keep a good distance from people because what if someone learns too much and doesn't want to be around them because of it. It cultivates insecurity in every action and thought.

Truly it's a lucky thing nothing like that occurred here-

Let's face the reality though.

The world is uncaring and merciless. People have the right to their feelings. Even the negative ones. Once someone is let down they have the right to show and discuss that disappointment within reason. There's no good reason to verbally berate or emotionally abuse another person disappointment or not.

If showing that disappoint means things are over,

"Are we over? Please don’t answer."/ "I imagined that you saying "See you" is the same as "It's over”."

That person who once saw the best of them can only see the worse,

"Tell me, why are you drifting away from me? Tell me, why do you say it’s my fault?" / "If you don’t hug me, even our hearts will start drifting apart."/ "Hug me again as you once did."

If there's no way to proceed so things need to end,

"You won’t be forgiven, it was stupid licking each other’s wounds. Justice assemble! Till the end!" - "I swear! I'm going to be a good girl now! That's it!"

"You already knew, the whole time- You can’t escape, how do you like the taste of punishment?"/ "After you cry, repent, and kneel, it’s now your turn to say that hopeless “I’m sorry”. You’re sorry? I don’t care! Please, go ahead and die already. Remember MY cries, MY repents, MY words of “I’m sorry” that I said to you?"/ Fuck it! Don’t you think so? You won’t be forgiven, a coward, never!

If hatred ends up growing there,

"If you’re going to make me the villain- It’s ok to ignore me."/ "“He’s a liar”, you said, and made me out to be a scoundrel, why?"

"Hey, what if- If I am a bad girl? Don’t hate me. Don’t even try to proof from “After Pain”."/ "All those ridiculous accusations- Hurting it, holding it down, it doesn’t change anything, does it? Ahhh, It’s the same anywhere I go! It’s like what’s wrong isn’t wrong!"/ "Hold on. It’s not my fault- You knew it, right?"/ "All I did was dream, so you find me INNOCENT, it’s that simple right?"/ "I am innocent as everybody desires I am relieved, I am always the drama queen."

If something occurs that can't be taken back.

"“Throw down” the invitation that I can’t take back. Lying, replacing with hope."/ "If it damaged someone’s dream to the point of stopping it. I want gouge you out with my fangs."

Those sorts of experiences are just as much life as anything other ones are.

They're not something to run away from or attempt to avoid. They're just experiences and not all of them have to be eternal for them to hold meaning. Sometimes there's eternity in the transient. That's why when people pass away they don't suddenly matter any less to the lives of the people they touched.

To expect a person's opinion not to change, the past not to follow any of us, is to run from the fullness of ourselves. Our own existence.

The simple truth is when people are presented with troubling, overwhelming things they panic, worry, and look for the path of least resistance. Our brains don't immediately slow to a crawl, panic not ensuing giving us an abundance of time to think things over and lead us to the perfect outcome.

A solution that can work for everyone. Sometimes we can only do our best with the limited time we're given.

In the same vein there are things in life that are unacceptable regardless of someone's personal reasons for committing to a course of action. Everyone has a line a breaking point and even if it's not unforgivable in the eyes of society it may still be unforgivable to the person who committed the deed.

On that note, Haruka why on earth do you have a sword?

I mean certainly you threatened to end your own life but hara-kiri isn't the way my guy. They cut people's heads off for seppuku out of mercy. Disemboweling oneself is not a fun pastime. Put the sword down and let's talk this out.

Immensely cumbersome blade one to use for that too. You positive you don't want to at least get a boxcutter from the storage closet or your close friend Mu?

All poor taste stress jokes aside- He's really doesn't seem to be holding that offensively.

The series has been foreshadowing Haruka's threats of self-harm from the beginning of the second trial. The design chosen for the cyberpunk inspired karaoke collaboration manages to invoke that imagery in a subtle new way while still eliciting the same emotion from the observers as say his timelines over the course of the second trial,

24/04/19 (Futa’s Birthday)

Futa: ––Hey, are you really ok with this? If you come with me, there’s a chance you can be saved too…… Haruka.

Haruka: Yeah…… I’ve made my mind up. I have, something, that I have to do.

Futa: Ah, is that right…… Haruka, you know, you’re an idiot. There’s no way…… that will save you……

Haruka: Yeah, thank you. I’m glad you came to talk to me, Futa. Um, thank you, for being so kind. Really. But, I’m sorry. This is all I’m able to do……

I don't want to spend too much time harping on such a stressful plot point.

Especially one that's been hung over the audiences head for far too long at this point in my opinion. Though it felt a bit rude to just outright ignore the implications.

Now with that acknowledged indulge me as we step down a different avenue.

That avenue being the coloring of Haruka's outfit within this colab.

I find it interesting that they used a color associated with Mu for the inner lining of his clothing. Circling back to that first voice drama for a bit... Let's take a lookback to discuss Mu and Haruka's relationship over the series.

In Haruka's first voice drama he says,

"The ones who often talk to me are Yuno and Mahiru, and uh Mikoto."

Then he goes on to add Futa and Mu,

"Also, Futa. He's a little scary but he pays attention to me. I sometimes to speak to Mu as well."

It's funny to see how things have progressed since then. Mu was the very last person Haruka mentioned. He put so many other people before her back then- But now she's kind of become all he talks and thinks about.

23/04/07

Haruka: Please forgive Mu-san. Please forgive Mu-san. Please forgive Mu-san. Please forgive Mu-san. Please forgive Mu-san. Please forgive Mu-san. Please forgive Mu-san. Please forgive Mu-san. Please forgive Mu-san. Please forgive Mu-san. Please forgive Mu-san. PleaseforgiveMu-sanpleaseforgiveMu-sanpleaseforgiveMu-sanpleaseforgiveMu-sanpleaseforgiveMu-sanpleaseforgiveMu-san

Then despite the fact that Mu is younger than him he refers to her as san. Though it seems Haruka refers to everyone as san. So, that isn't too weird.

Wait hold on- Except for Futa who he refers to as kun. I- what the hell Haruka???

20/06/28

Futa: You said you don’t play any games, right? Do you not watch league or premier either?

Haruka: E-eh, I, I don’t understand, what that is…… That… uh, “leeg”?

Futa: Huh!? It’s international soccer. It’s normal for guys your age to know stuff like that. What a pain… I really have nothing to talk to you about, huh. Even though we’re around the same age. Also don’t speak to me so formally. It’s gross.

Haruka: Ah, e-excu-, I don’t, I uh… got it…… Futa… kun……

21/04/19 (Futa’s Birthday)

Haruka: U-uh, um, Futa-kun! Um! Um!!

Futa: Huh? Shut up already… Didn’t I already say not to make a big fuss about my birthday. I’m not some kid who gets excited by stuff like that anymore!

Haruka: ……?? Ah, er, i-is it your birthday……? Th-that, ah, um, h-happy birthday……

Futa: ………… You will tell nobody about this conversation.

Though that seems to be only because Futa voiced discomfort with Haruka being so formal with him. Well... Except for the fact he goes from referring to him as kun to just not using any honorifics at all trial two. Um... What the hell? Pardon?

24/04/19 (Futa’s Birthday)

Futa: ––Hey, are you really ok with this? If you come with me, there’s a chance you can be saved too…… Haruka.

Haruka: Yeah…… I’ve made my mind up. I have, something, that I have to do.

Futa: Ah, is that right…… Haruka, you know, you’re an idiot. There’s no way…… that will save you……

Haruka: Yeah, thank you. I’m glad you came to talk to me, Futa. Um, thank you, for being so kind. Really. But, I’m sorry. This is all I’m able to do……

Fucking Yuno going to using no honorifics for Mu to using them vs Haruka going from using them for Futa to not.

Haruka has that Zantetsu from Blue Lock "Hey only my friends can call me stupid." mindset.

Haruka with Es in his second voice drama,

"Shut up-!"

Ngh!

"GUH!"

I hit you as punishment for being an idiot! Maybe this will help remind you of your original intent.

"Mmnn, nnghh! ...I'm not an idiot...!"

Yes you are, idiot! I don't dislike idiots who know their place, but as you are, you're a cocky idiot instead. Just looking at you makes me sick! Idiot, idiot!

"Ghh...! You're mean...!"

Sure I am. Anyways, right now, calm down, Haruka. Your past self would've been a lot more cooperative right now.

"Fshh... *sniffle*..."

Don't call me stupid you're mean guard! You're a meanie! You're a jerk I hate you- I can kill anything smaller than me ya know!

Meanwhile Futa standing at 5'4ft (165cm) to his 5'7ft (174cm) "You know, you're an idiot." Haruka, "Yeah, thank you."

Alright, friendship is magic actually.

Great job you two. Great job- Round of applause for them. Because this is such subtle character work that's honestly impressive and easy to overlook.

Now back to the really overt shit.

By that I mean the,

"This is all I'm able to do..."

Foreshadowing that he's going to try to kill again because in All Knowing All Agony they literally show this is all I'm able to do over and over again as he's committing murder.

Oddly enough DoctorBunny and I were discussing this for completely unrelated reasons.

So, you can thank him for this explanation.

It's, "kore shika nai no" 'I have no other choice than this'/'I can only do this'

"This is all I’m able to do……" - "I will keep on killing to be a good boy. I can't stop, I can't stop!"

Though it is said a bit differently in the timeline itself,

"でも、僕はこういう風にしかできないから、ごめん" Demo, boku wa kouiu fu ni shika dekinai kara, gomen. But, I can't do it in any other way, I'm sorry.

Even so the same allusion can be seen.

In a way this makes it feel as though the only reason Mu and Haruka grew as close as they did was because everyone else he was speaking to had no time to do so after the first trial.

Mikoto became like that. Displaying mannerisms that Haruka admits to finding scary. Using how fear inducing Mikoto's behavior was as an excuse for why he didn't approach him until the intermission ended. Futa was having difficulties as well...

However it doesn't seem as though he was outright avoiding Haruka. Instead he seems to have been keeping a little more to himself while he tried to get a grasp on his own issues. In his attempt to tackle the issues he was facing due to his guilty verdict Futa wound up being comforted and motivated by Amane when she approached him during that difficult period.

In the same way Mu approached Haruka after their verdicts were decided,

21/06/22 (Haruka’s Birthday)

Mu: Haruka-kun, are you awake……? Happy birthday.

Haruka: M-Mu-san? I… I-I’m awake…… Th-thank you, very much. I’m… glad……

Mu: ………… Shall we talk? You know, recently I’ve been pretty interested in you.

Haruka: ……!! I-in me…? Hehe, hehehe…… interested, in me.

22/04/19 (Futa’s Birthday)

Futa: Ahh…… I’m not wrong…… I wasn’t doing anything wrong…… Shut up, why are you going on an on about something so minor…… It has nothing to do with you…… Aaahhh……

Amane: Oh, were you talking to yourself, Futa-san? Or maybe there’s something there you’re able to see?

Futa: ……! O-oh, it’s just you. It’s nothing. ……but well, on that note. Hey. Don’t you have anything happening too? Since being in here, just suddenly getting anxious. Feeling as though loads of people are all there condemning you, telling you you were wrong.

Amane: ……I’m fine. I don’t know what you’ve done or what it is you’re worried about, but I think if there’s something you believe in, you should stay true to it. It’s not something that should waver just because other people said something. I personally don’t plan on changing my own beliefs even if I’m told I’m wrong either…… ……today is your birthday, correct? I’ll pray for God to keep you under his care.

So, Mu and Amane both approached Futa and Haruka at a time that they were both isolated and vulnerable. Many people discuss how Amane's character dissects the recruiting habbits of cults and religious groups. Yet, it's hardly discussed how Mu's characterization dissect the clique behavior of school settings.

The habit of kids taking advantage of each other by giving attention to isolated individuals within a class in return for favors. Help with difficult things. Such as someone giving the smart kid who isn't that well liked a bit of attention just so they'll maybe let that person copy off of their homework because they feel indebted to them.

Popular girls going up to new students then telling them who they should talk to and shouldn't in order to continue ostracizing certain students. Though I think a lot of people aren't at the point to discuss the cult like dynamics that take place within school settings and they way students prey upon each other within them. I'm just bringing this up because it aligns with the point being discussed.

That being Mu and Amane approached both of these guys very sneakily where others were less likely to intervene and then we rarely saw them talk to anyone else for a good stretch of time. Mu is dissuading people from going in and checking on Haruka guaranteeing that she has everything under control and is taking care of him. Kotoko is doing nothing to stop whatever he has planned and the only person who has actively attempted to convince him there's another way is someone he's fine ignoring the input of outright because he's sure he'll respect his decision even if he disagrees with it.

As well as him repeatedly stating he's doing what he's doing for Mu's sake not his own.

23/06/22 (Haruka’s Birthday)

Mu: Haruka-kun, I brought your food. Are you still alive? Has any mould started growing?

Haruka: ……ah, thank you very much. Mu-san. Sorry, um…… I……

Mu: You shouldn’t just lock yourself in your room all day. You have to eat your food properly. Hm, well…… I do understand why you’re feeling down. It feels bad. The atmosphere recently.

Haruka: Um, I’m totally fine…… Just a bit, I’m thinking, about how to do it. What to do, what to do, to…… fulfil my promise. For Mu-san’s sake……

"I promise! A good girl that keeps a promise is like, mwah!"/ "I just want to be your good boy. I will keep on killing to be a good boy."

"I promise to make my dreaMU come true."

Yep, nothing similar about these two situations at all. It's only wrong to do things like this when religion is attached to it actually. There are no other circumstances where this behavior would be questionable. It's like people are more comfortable with scrutinizing religious beliefs that deviate from their norms more than actually interrogating exploitative practices.

Noooo that couldn't be- That's definitely not the case. If that were true then an adult women with the right to choose how she practices religion and raises her child for herself would be considered more of a victim than the child she was abusing. Because life is hard, raising a child by oneself is lonely, and cults exploit people at their most vulnerable. So, she'd be a victim too. Hell probably even considered more of a victim than the child by some.

Because it's easier to blame religious beliefs more than reckon with someone's consistent commitment and active choice to be their worst self. Acting like the religion was in the house with her when she decided to waterboard her daughter, go out to buy that taser, and choose not to abuse her daughter as heavily when her husband the pastor was home.

Meanwhile Mu is over here saying,

"God gave me everything, everything is as I wish."

That has nothing to do with religion though. She's just feeling herself a bit too much she doesn't really believe that god gave her everything and anyone that goes against her god given right to rule deserves to be crushed. What would give that implication.

Sorry, got sidetracked there for a bit...

My main point was Futa was having his own difficulties and to his admission later had very little time or energy to spend concerning himself with someone else. Considering how Haruka has moved from using kun to no honorifics at all it doesn't seem like either was outright avoiding the other.

It makes me wonder how these relationships would have developed if both Futa and Mu were innocent trial one, if Futa was innocent and Mu guilty, or what if Haruka, Futa, Mu, and Amane were all innocent or guilty. If both Futa and Mu were innocent alongside Haruka I could see them both taking a familial role in when it came to Haruka. Possibly making it a bit more balanced. If they were all guilty that would be incredibly interesting.

Looking into it further is making me wonder if at that point Haruka would be pleading with the warden to change their mind. Despite what he said at the beginning. Would his fear of children get worse. Would Mu have become more reliant on Haruka instead. Those sort of things.

It seems to have strained Haruka's relationship with Mikoto the most. I wonder if they were both guilty at the start if he'd have approached him more. Futa is a bit easier to discern. Since he flat out states trial two he has no time to worry about Haruka because he's not a kid. Yet, given he's the first to show concern later when he stops leaving his room this doesn't seem to be the complete truth.

His disinterest in looking after Haruka may have been his concern with his own wellbeing, him not being a kid, or simply the fact that he wasn't guilty. All Futa could see was Haruka having a good time because Haruka to his own admission was having a good time. He told Mikoto this when speaking to him on his birthday and reiterated it in his second trial interrogation through blatantly stating,

Q.03 Do you want to leave Milgram?

Haruka: I want to stay here forever.

Certainly he could just be focused on Amane due to the fact that she is the youngest there and the most in need of help. Yet, at the same time he showed concern for Mikoto who was going through similar things as he was as well warning him that it would only get worse. He also avoided speaking poorly about Kotoko in his second trial voice drama blaming her behavior solely on Es using her.

Futa has consistently tried to sympathize with individuals he's convinced himself are going through the same things as he has or is going through. It's easy to brush that off by going Haruka isn't a kid so he's not concerned- but it's telling that as soon as Haruka starts displaying mannerisms that implies he may have been voted guilty Futa is the first to go and ask if he's okay.

So, it's difficult to say if he concern towards Amane is just because she's younger than him or due to them going through similar things. Regardless of the reasons Futa's view of Haruka has changed. He's begun to view him less as someone who needs his help now possibly seeing him as an equal or someone competent enough to hold their own by themselves.

Not a person in need of coddling or favoritism. Not a pitiable weakling in need of love,

"I’m so lonesome, please love me."

In contrast we've yet to see how he views Amane now. They haven't engaged at all since the end of trial two.

23/04/19 (Futa’s Birthday)

Futa: ……! Oi, is it just you. Don’t scare me like that. You shouldn’t just stand there saying nothing. Hah, what? Did you just come to laugh at me for being weak? Dumb brat.

Amane: No. I just came to observe. To see what people are thinking. To see who is being corrupted. What about you, Kajiyama Futa?

Futa: I understand even less of what you’re saying than I did before. Brat, you’re on the side who weren’t forgiven too, right? ……so why can you still stand. Don’t you can hear it too? The voices blaming us. ……I don’t have the energy to do anything like this.

Amane: It goes without saying. Because there’s something far more important than the voices of people we can’t even see. People are able to get back up again. As long as there’s something to guide them. Kajiyama Futa, by coincidence today happens to be your birthday, correct? Don’t you think it’s a good opportunity to be reborn? If, right now, you could shake off those around you trying to drag you down to depravity, and could change––

Since this moment the two of them haven't spoken in a timeline. There's been implications of them still communicating but they've mostly been highlighted speaking to other prisoners. We've yet to see how their dynamic has evolved over the course of trial two. Though we've seen that Futa has recognized Amane as someone going through the same thing as him.

Someone that can actually get fired up over the same things he does and understand what he's been going through. Not only that he recognized her as someone who faced what he couldn't and kept standing even after Kotoko's attacks. Since they share a similar mindset when it comes to apologies and rules.

Ultimately, Futa for reasons could no longer view Haruka and Mikoto in the same way he did within his trial one voice drama,

"Ah, Haruka and Mikoto are completely useless by themselves. I really have to take the lead with them."

They're no longer people in need of his help that were helpless on their own. Mikoto was able to stand up to and fend off Kotoko. Someone Futa couldn't handle himself. Haruka was able to be voted innocent something else Futa couldn't manage to do on his own.

Due to that innocent verdict Haruka grew more confident and assured. Maybe it was due to that newfound confidence he wound up gravitating towards certain people and distancing himself from others.

A change from his first trial because during that he was putting in more of an effort to get along with most of the prisoners. Though he was clearly uncomfortable around Amane and Kotoko. He still made an effort around them and in some cases those efforts paid off. Near the beginning of trial two Haruka makes it clear he'd been avoiding Mikoto.

This is a pretty big change from his first trial. Then he tells the audience this during his second trial interrogation,

Q.11 Which of the other prisoners do you get along with least?

Haruka: I don’t dislike Amane any more. I’m not scared of small children now.

Haruka states that he was scared of Mikoto but he no longer dislikes Amane because he's not scared of small children anymore. Instead he's now scared of an adult who encouraged him to work on his communication skills more,

20/06/05

Haruka: Ah…… ah, u-um, Mikoto-san. The c-communication……? thing, that you were saying was important. I-I thought, I’d give it my best…… Um, so, Mikoto-san, what’s your favourite food……?

Mikoto: Ooh? Nice going, Haru-kun~ Yeah, we still have no idea how long this lifestyle will go on for, so it’s best if we all get along together here. My favourite food…… I like pasta and horse-meat sashimi. Also bubble tea, and recently I’ve been big on custard puddings. What about you?

Haruka: ……ah, I, I wonder…… H-hamburg steak, and omurice, a-and also…… what else? Ah. Cotton candy……

Mikoto: C-cotton candy!? That’s the first time I’ve met someone who has that in their top three favourites!? ……man, Haru-kun, you really are hilarious.

"If I tried and couldn’t say it, you would get angry at me and say “You’re hopeless.”."

something similar to what he was complaining about being unable to do in Weakness. Now Haruka's discomfort and fear around Mikoto could be due to him going a bit out of control during the intermission as Mikoto claimed. However, it isn't particularly difficult to see how Haruka could be projecting his issues with his parental figures onto Mikoto as well.

In the same way he's begun to consider Mu his mother he could see his abusive father within Mikoto. Similarly to how Kotoko's form of punishment may have reminded Amane of her own mother. Playing into how Haruka is looking to make his mother proud and Amane is looking to make her father proud.

As well as why we see both Mu attempt to mirror Shidou's caretaking behavior towards Mahiru with Haruka. In order to cement her importance and show her usefulness. In a way do what Shidou has done and prove that she's indispensable in her own right. Prove that she's just as needed as him because she's the only one who can take care of Haruka right? No one else can.

Presenting this parallel between Shidou and Mu while having Haruka refer to her as his mother draws to attention Shidou's own attempts to take on a paternal role when it comes to Amane. It's as though regardless of whatever option is chosen Milgram is recreating the circumstances and validating the mindsets that led the characters to offend to begin with.

Once Haruka had been assured and gained some confidence he separated himself from people who seemingly had a lower standing than him and gravitated more towards those with the same one. This is even reflected in his statement on the attacks trial two,

Q.09 What do you think about Kotoko’s attacks?

Haruka: Scary- But aren’t they all the people you thought were bad?

A sentiment that mirrors Mu. Despite everything those people have done for him. Mahiru even being the first person to wish him happy birthday within the prison. Despite those trial one moments the audience never sees Haruka attempt to reach out to Futa, Mahiru, or Mikoto during the first trial intermission.

Even though prior to their verdicts he had recognized that they were there for him and had reached out to speak to them with ease.

He uses Mikoto being scary as an excuse for his negligence when it came to checking in on him but he didn't check in on Futa either. Mahiru was and is still to our knowledge injured and he hasn't checked on her once.

Yet, he did make sure to check in on a certain someone who has remained innocent,

21/09/02 (Yuno’s Birthday)

Haruka: Y-Yuno-san. Good morning! T-today’s your birthday, right……? Ha-happy birthday……!!

Yuno: Oooh…… Thanks? You’ve definitely changed a bit huh, Haruka. You speak a little louder now, and actually look people in the eyes when you talk.

Haruka: Eh, ah, i-is that so…… I wasn’t, aware of it myself, but…… Heh, hehe. Is that so.

Yuno: Ding ding! My sensor is telling me…… this is probably a girl’s influence. Well, everyone here is slowly changing, I guess. Even me.

Ahn, while I'm here throwing people under buses lets hit the gas a little harder.

For someone uninterested in their own age he sure remembered Yuno and Kotoko's birthday's rather easily. And you know what let's turn that bus into a semitruck for someone not interested in his own age he certainly remembered his own birthday just fine-

20/06/22  (Haruka’s Birthday)

Haruka: ……*sigh*……

Mahiru: Haruka-chaaan, come over here a bit! I’m looking up everyone’s horoscopes right now to check our compatibility~ What’s your star sign~?

Haruka: Ah, erm…… s-star sign……? I-I don’t know. Can’t remember…… B-but, my birthday’s June…… 22nd…… I think, that was it……

Mahiru: Ok then. June 22nd is Cancer, so…… A kind person who prioritises their feelings, and…… hm? That’s today!? June 22nd! You should have told us~ Happy birthday~!

Haruka: Huh? Ah, yeah…… Th-thank you…… very…… much…… hehe……

Like not even gonna hold anybody up Haruka has every prisoner's birthday who he cares about memorized.

20/08/05 (Kazui’s Birthday)

Haruka: ……Kazui-san…… um…… Are you, happy…… on your birthday……?

Kazui: Hm? If I’m being honest, at this age I don’t really think much about birthdays any more. But…… it can be nice to have as a means to start something. Like, for a friend you haven’t seen in a long while, it’s a good excuse to suddenly start up a conversation, you know? Being able to hear from a bunch of people like that makes it fun.

Haruka: I-is that, so…… That’s… nice…… I’m, kind of… jealous. But, I’d also, want to hear from people…… e-even if, there isn’t a reason……

Kazui: Haha, but it can’t always be like that. You know, for us adults…… we always want a reason or an excuse for everything. ……hm? Wait, is today my birthday? So is that why you went out of your way to talk to me yourself for once, Haruka?

To the point he wished Kazui a happy birthday when Kazui didn't even know it was his birthday himself. Mahiru got that information and Haruka kept notes. This is literally Kazui's first birthday interaction.

The only way Haruka would know this is from what Mahiru did.

So like he could've checked in on any of the guilty prisoners or wished them a Happy Birthday he chose not to. Well every prisoner's except Futa's whose birthday he did not bother to remember considering their interaction on,

21/04/19  (Futa’s Birthday)

Haruka: ……?? Ah, er, i-is it your birthday……? Th-that, ah, um, h-happy birthday……

And how when he doesn't even wish him happy birthday during the timeline on April 19, 2024. Instead they just talk about if he's really okay with this.

So, some characters simply don't remember the birthdays of certain prisoners.

Now there is a chance that series decided there were more pertinent moments to highlight over the intermission outside of those. That wouldn't change the fact that the series has shown Haruka forgetting Futa's birthday once and he didn't wish him Happy Birthday during the timeline this year either. Making it more likely he simply forgot again.

Something that is implied to have happened with Mikoto on Kazui's birthday. Since Kazui has to straight up tell him it's his birthday. As well as the fact that the series has been pretty good at implying when more than one person has told a character happy birthday. As shown with Mikoto. maybe the canon decided it wasn't important to overtly display that and instead just imply it which may be the case with Futa.

Then there's that timeline I keep bringing up but not showing where Haruka does blatantly admit he's been avoiding Mikoto,

22/10/06 (Mikoto’s Birthday)

Haruka: Mikoto-san. Um, are you ok……?

Mikoto: Ah, Haru-kun. It’s been a while since we last talked, huh. Yeah, I’m fine. Are you doing ok……?

Haruka: Ah, I’m fine. I’ve been enjoying myself, a lot. Um, I’m sorry, for avoiding you. I was a bit scared. Of you, honestly……

Mikoto: Ahhh, yeah. I’ve been lashing out whenever I go to sleep, right? ……it’s fine. Even I think you’re right to be scared. You know, I kinda just hate that I don’t even know what’s going on myself…… haha. Ah, but despite all that you still came and talked to me because it’s my birthday, right? Thank you, you’ve grown into a good man.

It's even implied he remembered Mikoto's birthday in this timeline. Sure, maybe that is wishful thinking on Mikoto's part. However, given Haruka's timing in the past and his consistency I don't think he's forgotten.

Mikoto may not be able blame him but I can.

His behavior over the course of the first trial intermission and during the beginning of trial two can come off as cocky and full of himself. As Es aptly put it he went from an idiot who knew his place to a cocky idiot. Due to his innocent verdict he went from believing he was wrong to boldly stating,

"I wasn’t wrong, I wasn’t wrong."

Is it really surprising that he'd want to be around people of his own standing when this is his mindset.

Of course he wasn't making too much time or trying to be seen with people who were deemed in the wrong or losers. He's better than that. Es and the audience said he was better than that. That he wasn't wrong. All of them collectively extended forgiveness and understanding to him. Then like the old saying goes,

"Give people an inch and they'll take a mile."

He took a mile and ran with it right alongside Mu,

"I am innocent as everybody desires. I am relieved, I am always the drama queen. It’s not my fault."

Whatever happens to the people who weren't found innocent isn't their problem. I mean those are all people Es found bad and they saw them as good. So, they must be right about that too.

Q.09 What do you think about Kotoko’s attacks?

Haruka: Scary but aren’t they all the people you thought were bad?

Q.10 What do you think about Kotoko’s attacks?

Mu: It seems pretty rough. But the people getting punished are the ones the guard said they wouldn’t forgive, right? So isn’t it fair enough?

To question Es' judgment for them is to doubt their own innocence.

Meaning, Es has to be right for them to be right.

For that to be the case then the attacks have to be justified those people were wrong and they got what was coming to them. They were the scary ones not Kotoko the person the guard found innocent who jumped several people.

In fact she's someone that Haruka felt comfortable confiding his plan in. Someone he had no issue going up and conversing with after everything that was done. Because she's innocent and if the guard found her good like him then she must be good.

It's only natural for him to confide in her especially since she's so close to guard after all.

I mean,

22/08/05 (Kazui’s Birthday)

Kotoko: ……Mukuhara Kazui. Thanks to you, I wasn’t able to properly serve justice to those who did something unforgivable. I’m currently acting as an agent for our prison guard Es. Don’t get in my way next time.

Kazui: Oi oi, don’t be silly, Yuzuriha-chan. There’s no way I could just look away from your outrageous display of violence. Anyway, even disregarding the fact violence against those voted guilty isn’t a part of Milgram’s system, what you’re doing is just acting recklessly based on a broad interpretation. As long as I’m free myself, I’ll stop you.

Kotoko: ……what a pointless argument. Hmph. Since Es forgives you, I have no choice but to forgive you myself too. If you to keep to your words, then you’d best do what you can to keep being forgiven. If you’re not, then next time you’ll be one of my targets.

Kazui: Oh, how scary. That girl truly is frightening. ……well then, I wonder what the guard will decide to do with me. That’s the one thing I really can’t make out. Honestly…… Of course he'd tell her.

Kotoko has gone about the prison announcing that she's working directly alongside Es since the first trial intermission started. To the point that multiple people have actively brought up the questionable nature of Es' associates.

Hell, Jackalope brought up this was the case in the trial one end report-

I told you before, that she doesn't look like just anyone, but I didn't think she'd make it this far.

"It’s unprecedented for a prisoner to try to negotiate a verdict. But you decided to agree to it, good grief. I don’t know what will happen bringing an outside influence into your job. But whatever the cause, your verdict is all that matters. So you better take that in."

So, the implication that she was going around getting full of herself and presenting the idea that she was working with the guard was rather immediate. Then Jackalope, Yuno, and Futa all made it clear that Kotoko was directly associating Es and the audience while doing what she did.

Claiming that this was the will of Milgram, the guard, and her. Of course if Kotoko is on such good terms with the guard Haruka and Mu are going to try to be on good terms with her.

This leads into Kotoko being blamed for Mu's circumstances this year,

24/07/05 (Mu’s Birthday)

Mu: You know, I think this is all your fault really. Everyone’s on edge because you lashed out. And because of that, nobody’s paying attention to me any more. It’s kinda boring. I don’t get it.

Kotoko: ……you went out of your way to say that to my face? Aren’t you scared of me? The next target of my fangs might be you.

Mu: Why? Kotoko-san, aren’t you punishing the bad guys? I didn’t do anything wrong. And anyway, fufu, you’re talking like you’re fine too. Aren’t you gonna be not forgiven too this time? What will you do then? Start biting yourself? Fufu, that’s hilarious. I want to watch.

Kotoko: ……you’re good at provoking people. I’ll pray that you won’t be forgiven this time. When that time comes, I’ll be sure to crush you.

It was easy to blame Kotoko. Haruka and Mu thought if they just picked the right friends,

Q.18 Do you regret anything?

Mu: I think maybe I should have chosen my friends a bit more carefully.

Had the right parent, or environment-

Q.10 If you could turn back time, would you commit the same “murder”?

Haruka: I don’t know. If I was in Milgram I probably wouldn’t.

Then none of this would have happened.

It wasn't a problem with their mindsets or choices it was always an external issue outside of their control. So, of course they would believe just being alright with the right people, within the right place, not causing any trouble or giving any solid opinion on what was going on around them would only help their cases.

Q.19 Would you forgive the other prisoners?

Haruka: Yes. They all must have had their reasons.

Q.13 What do you think of the other prisoners’ voting results?

Mu: I don’t care, wouldn’t it be better to just forgive everyone? Let’s just get along.

Neither wants to rock the boat too much. Because as a lot of people like to remind us when the nail that sticks up gets hammered down. It's best to just toe the line between pitiable and competent enough to be needed.

Yet, being that doesn't get anyone attention. It doesn't make others look at them as their favorite person. Would just skirting by like that feel fulfilling enough to them? Is that sort of lifestyle something that could satisfy their egos.

"If you want to betray from jealousy."

Q.20 Did you hate the person you killed?

Haruka: I wonder if I did. I was jealous of them.

“Can I be your favorite this time?”

"I am innocent as everybody desires. I am relieved, I am always the drama queen."/ "I told you I’m queen, and it will never be changed."

Jealousy and betrayal have been themes that appear within both Haruka and Mu's stories repeatedly. The tables being turned on them, people's opinions of them changing, that inconsistency of moving from top to bottom over and over again. Even the relationship they formed within Milgram with each other is unequal.

Where from Haruka's perspective it's codependent and they're both relying on each other but from Mu's it's that of queen and servant. That of a leader and their lesser. Haruka listens to her not the other way around because,

Q.01  What do friends mean to you?

Mu: People who listen properly to what I say.

That's what friends are for after all.

My point is that both Haruka and Mu got it in their heads that Kotoko was someone special to the guard. Someone that had been given the right to act in such a way from the guard. That she was their favorite and since she was the one who did the attacks they had better not complain. Because Kotoko presented herself as being such. The guard found her innocent while knowing the proposal she had made. Of course she would make it clear to anyone in hearing range that the guard accepted her deal.

It was the only way for her to continue to differentiate herself from the others. The only thing that allowed her to believe that she wasn't like them. That she wasn't just another prisoner. That she had some control over the system. Even if all she was doing amounted to playing dress up as the deputy for a short while. The guard had still accepted her and treated her as an equal.

Nothing could change that and that made her different from all of them. She did something no one else was able to she brought the guard down to her level and made sure everyone knew it. This wasn't just about the will of the guard or Milgram but about her will as well.

During trial two a lot of prisoners attempt to replicate Kotoko's behavior to varying success. Haruka is the most overt example of this. As he attempts to imitate Kotoko's behavior and make a deal with the guard of his own for Mu's innocence.

Haruka doesn't just do this to prove that he can be the guard's favorite too that his word can hold some weight with them. He mostly does this as a last ditch effort because he's afraid of how a guilty verdict will change Mu. In the first place the only reason that Mu decided to give Haruka attention more actively directly after her innocent verdict. It wouldn't be hard for Mu to associate her innocent verdict with her change in heart towards him.

21/06/22 (Haruka’s Birthday)

Mu: Haruka-kun, are you awake……? Happy birthday.

Haruka: M-Mu-san? I… I-I’m awake…… Th-thank you, very much. I’m… glad……

Mu: ………… Shall we talk? You know, recently I’ve been pretty interested in you.

Haruka: ……!! I-in me…? Hehe, hehehe…… interested, in me.

Yet, everyone else who used to pay him any mind stopped doing so after they were voted guilty. So regardless of if he wants to be the guards favorite which it's implied he wants to be in All Knowing All Agony he still would have had a vested interest in avoiding Mu being guilty if he didn't want her to change on him too.

But the thing is with Haruka and Mu they're both after the same thing- Attention and they'll both do anything to get it.

24/07/05 (Mu’s Birthday)

Mu: You know, I think this is all your fault really. Everyone’s on edge because you lashed out. And because of that, nobody’s paying attention to me any more. It’s kinda boring. I don’t get it.

22/06/22 (Haruka’s Birthday)

Mu: What’s wrong, Haruka-kun? Did something happen? You shouldn’t look away like that when you’re together with me.

Haruka: Ah, s-sorry, Mu-san. Um…… No, it’s nothing. I just, suddenly got a feeling. That something is about to happen.

Mu: Isn’t that because it’s your birthday? Or perhaps it’s a sign the guard is about to wake up again soon? Fufufu, I bet they’ll be really surprised at a lot of things.

Haruka: That, might be true. But, I want the the guard to see. ……the new, me…….

So, it should be a bit concerning that Mu is talking to Kotoko about how no one is paying attention to her any longer all the while Haruka is now being shown talking to everyone but her.

"And can I just say, you really let her rile you up, don’t you? Does she touch a raw nerve or something? Oh before I forget, about Haruka Sakurai......are you sure about that “guilty” verdict? Weren’t you offered some sort of deal? I mean, not that I care. I guess that means you thought the same."

But that's a matter for another day I suppose. During Haruka's second voice drama he attempts to weaponize any positive feelings Es has towards him and the prisoners in general to sway how they'll vote on Mu's trial later on by threatening his own life. Because certainly Es wouldn't want any of the people they've grown to know in Milgram to die or get hurt if they could stop it.

That was obvious from their response to Kotoko's action.

So, if Haruka cannot threaten them directly in order to coerce the outcome he wants out of them the next best thing would be to threaten himself. If the gambit succeeded Haruka would not only have secured that Mu wouldn't change on him but he would be the favorite that Es made a deal with. He would have done something that even Kotoko could not do. Haruka would be the one who managed to sway Es' verdict not for his own benefit but for someone else's.

Haruka doing this sets up Mu and Kotoko attempting to do so again later well. As Kotoko tries to convince Es to vote everyone but her guilty and Mu attempts to convince Es to just vote everyone innocent. Both of them being far too late when it came to those requests or suggestions. Kotoko does this by attempting to persuade Es and the audience to vote everyone outside of herself guilty through Deep Cover. While in her voice drama Yonah she tries to convince Es similarly to Mu in her second trial voice drama to stop thinking so hard about all of this and just leave the judgments to her.

Mu's Second Voice Drama [Queen B]

Original Transcript

"Either way, there are prisoners much more deserving of a 'not forgive' than me, so I think you should focus your energy on those guys instead. Like, Kotoko-san has been up to no good for example. Ah, but what she did was approved by you, wasn't it?"

...You're making my blood boil.

"Anyway... I think you would do good to forgive me. Then Haruka-kun would be safe, too. Ah, actually, couldn't you just forgive everyone? Then Kotoko-san won't run amok, and you won't have to think about all the difficult stuff!"

...That is... a very enticing proposal.

My own interpretation of it,

"Either way there are prisoners much more deserving of a guilty verdict than me. So, I think you should focus your energy on those people instead. Like, Kotoko for example. She's been up to no good- Ah, but all the things she did were approved by you, weren't they?"

....You're making my blood boil.

"Anyway- I think it would be good for you to forgive me. That way Haruka would be safe too. Ah, actually- Couldn't you just forgive everyone? If you do that then Kotoko won't run amok and you won't have to think about anymore difficult stuff!"

"I mean, I personally would just say GUILTY to all of them to avoid all this hassle."

Kotoko's Second Voice Drama [YONAH] (This is literally going to just be my interpretation of what was provided.)

Have I... Failed...as a warden?

"It's alright... It's alright, Es."

Kotoko...

"Come here."

No... I- d-don-

"It's gonna be alright."

L-let me go, Kotoko...

"I know it well. It's difficult to take on the responsibility of guard all by oneself. I've felt that way too. You're such a kind person. You can barely stand after seeing how the prison has changed through the power of your judgments. You need someone by your side that you can rely on to help carry that weight. Leave all the dirty work to me."

I'm... a kind person...?

"Is your head still hurting? Don't worry. Leave it to me, together we'll be able to create the right Milgram."

I see... that Milgram... ...N-no! Let me go. Stop holding me.

"What?"

I... I'm not wrong..! [punches/hits self]

"What are you doing hurting yourself like that? Have you lost your mind?"

"Me... as a warden...imperfect? Have I- failed...as a warden?"/ "Please don’t say that I am a loser."

"Don't get ahead of yourself. It's all good and well that you've changed, but your past self just might have been smarter."

...!!!!!!

"..."

Ugh...! Why? Why, why, why are you saying things like that?!

"...!"

It's weird! you said you forgave me, Warden-san! It's weird for you to tell me that I'm wrong now!

"...!"

Arg- it's weird! It's weird!!

"Pipe down! You're hurting my ears."

...You're mean. You're so mean... I, I-I can kill anything that's smaller than me, you know!

"Hahah! You sure have developed an attitude. Go ahead and try. Idiot!"

Don't... make fun of me!

"I wasn’t wrong, I wasn’t wrong!"/ "I'm...not wrong..!"

"Mommy, look, I’ve done great “There there, my good boy!”/ "You're just like a guardian, Jackalope."/ "……You’ve finished your duty and it’s nighty night time. Okay, okay. You did a great job. You've exceeded my expectations. Good night, Es."

Kotoko's Second Voice Drama [YONAH]

If you keep up like this Milgram will turn into a huge mess!

"Even so, I've been dealing with it this whole time! I've been desperately thinking about all the prisoners including you! So, I don't think I was ever wrong! No matter what hell I turn this place into I won't run away or make someone else deal with it!"

...!

"That's what being warden means! It's my responsibility to step into you prisoners' hearts and minds! That's why it's up to me to reconsider if I continue to work with you."

Es' Voice Drama

"Got it."

"Why?" You're not gonna ask me that?

"It's that kind of thing right? I have a duty to govern this prison. Even if my memories are hazy, that's all I remember."

Heh, that's perfect.

Kotoko's Second Voice Drama [YONAH]

[sighs and scratches at head] How stupid... Ah, it's always like this. All weaklings at this way. You all enjoy seeing someone get hurt.

"Maybe so."

Revel in seeing a bad person fall.

"Can't deny."

All of you keep asking for it then as soon as it happens near you due to your own choices you all start whining and evading responsibility. You're always like this- always such idiots!

"I acknowledge it. You're the strong one and we're weak. You're right but that's how we are." / "I wanted to be a pitied and loved weakling- I was in denial, I was in denial."

If Haruka is given the attention he's been begging for from the audience or any of the other prisoners it's readily apparent how competent he actually is. Despite his consistent downplaying of his abilities. He's the one prisoner within Milgram who has managed to fly under the radar and not have animosity flung towards them by any of the other prisoners.

He's managed to be on decent terms with everyone. Something that Mikoto the more outwardly sociable of them has failed to do. In fact despite Mikoto doing his best to get along with everyone he's ultimately wound up shunned and treated like a imminent threat by everyone within the prison and he's only bringing more ire his way.

Meanwhile Haruka has the concern of most of the Milgram prisoners. When he holes himself up in his room he has multiple to people asking if he's alright despite their current circumstances. Shidou even taking time away from looking over Mahiru and having beef with a child to ask Mu if he's alright.

All while still recognizing he isn't a child and someone who's decisions and privacy deserve to be respected. When he asks Kotoko to cooperate with him by looking the other way she agrees. Despite her dismissing all of Mikoto's attempts to team up since the beginning this series.

20/07/01

Mikoto: Hey, hey, Koto-chan. I’ve been thinking this ever since I first heard your name, but don’t you think the names “Mikoto” and “Kotoko” kinda sound like siblings?

Kotoko: No.

Mikoto: Don’t say that! Let’s get along well from here on as the Koto-Koto combo!

Kotoko: I’m not doing that.

23/12/15 (Kotoko’s Birthday)

Haruka: ……please, don’t tell anyone. And also, please, don’t get involved. All I can do, is ask, you……

Kotoko: ––Fufu, fufufufufu. That’s a crazy thing to be thinking. Honestly, it’s weird. But I don’t hate it. If only all the wrongdoers were like you.

Haruka: No…… that’s wrong…… That’s not, why I’m doing, this…… This, isn’t for me…… I have to protect…… so, Kotoko-san…… please……

Kotoko: Eh? Ah, yeah, yeah. Well, I promise I won’t get in your way. Honestly, if I could, I’d love to do it myself, but I’ll step back this time. As for what happens next…… I wonder. It depends on Es.

That's some embarrassing shit right there. It's more than likely because Haruka came to Kotoko from a position of her lesser and not from the angle of an equal that led to her being so accommodating. However, there's a stark contrast between Haruka's timeline interactions trial two and Mikoto's,

23/06/22 (Haruka’s Birthday)

Mu: Haruka-kun, I brought your food. Are you still alive? Has any mould started growing?

Haruka: ……ah, thank you very much. Mu-san. Sorry, um…… I……

Mu: You shouldn’t just lock yourself in your room all day. You have to eat your food properly. Hm, well…… I do understand why you’re feeling down. It feels bad. The atmosphere recently.

Haruka: Um, I’m totally fine…… Just a bit, I’m thinking, about how to do it. What to do, what to do, to…… fulfil my promise. For Mu-san’s sake……

23/07/05 (Mu’s Birthday)

Futa: Oi, you. Is he ok? He’s not even left his room lately.

Mu: You mean Haruka-kun? Hmm. Yeah, probably. I’ve been bringing all his meals to him so he should be fine. Isn’t that great of me?

Futa: Hah? Who the hell says that sort of thing about themself. ……ah, no, well, right now I understand a bit. When you’re feeling down, it’s nice to have someone who relies on you and accepts you. The rest of us can’t really understand you from where we’re standing. But well, if you’re Haruka’s “salvation” then I guess it really is great.

Mu: Salvation……? I don’t know what you mean. Futa-kun, you don’t sound like yourself. Did you hit your head or something? Oh, wait, you actually did, didn’t you. Ahaha. Ah, putting that aside though, did you know it’s my birthday today?

Like hell not even in their trial two timeline interactions but in the prisoners response to Mikoto isolating himself in comparison to Haruka and Amane isolating themselves. Even from Futa he's coming over here concerned but when Mikoto's verdict was impacting him this was his response,

21/10/06           (Mikoto’s Birthday)

Mikoto: ……ah, Futa? What’s up? Did you come to celebrate my birthday?

Futa: Hah!? Like I care about your birthday. ……what’s up with you, though, you’re usually a lot more excited. I thought you were the sort of idiot who’d make a big deal over your birthday.

Mikoto: Yeah, usually that’d be the case. ……I think I must be getting tired. It’s like I’m anxious over something but I can’t really explain what it is…… Like, the feeling that I’ve been totally wrong about something. Haha, but it’s not like talking to you about it is gonna do anything.

Futa: Yeah, yeah, just like you say. Talking to me about it isn’t gonna help. ……but, it’s not like I don’t get what you’re saying. Or rather, I understand exactly what you mean. And if it’s the same thing as I’ve been feeling, then it will just get stronger as time goes on…… probably. But anyway, rather than talking to someone like me you should go and bother the others. Go and get showered with their stupid birthday wishes.

At east in this timeline there's an implication that everyone else will wish him a Happy birthday. Yet, going into trial two it's easy to interpret that as Futa's wishful thinking. The implication from his 2022 and 2023 birthday timelines is everyone is avoiding him out of fear.

I won't be putting the Haruka and Mikoto timeline again because I feel like I've repeated it enough but for clarity here's the statement that implies that,

22/10/06 (Mikoto’s Birthday)

Haruka: Ah, I’m fine. I’ve been enjoying myself, a lot. Um, I’m sorry, for avoiding you. I was a bit scared. Of you, honestly……

And his 2023 birthday timeline is just him having conversation amongst himself.

23/10/06 (Mikoto’s Birthday)

Mikoto: ……I wonder if there really is another version of me. And the fact my clothes are in rags and everyone is scared of me is his fault. Even being a “murderer”…… but it’s hard to just believe something like that.

Mikoto: If I talk like this can you hear me? If you can hear, please respond. Why would you do something so horrible. Hey, it’s all your faut, right? ……answer me!

Mikoto: ……Aaaaa!! But I did it for me……! If not, I would’ve broken!!

Mikoto: ––What am I even doing…… Of course I won’t conveniently just get a response like that. I should just stop thinking about everything now…… I’m tired……

No one was really checking on him to see if he was fine or eating properly. The same can be said with Amane too. This could be because regardless of their verdicts they were still going on as normal and not holing themselves up in their rooms. However, multiple people note their changes in behavior and still do nothing to intervene or check on them.

Except Shidou who does make attempts to check on Amane after Kotoko's attack but is pretty much told to prioritize the dying woman you weird by Kazui. Which one hundred percent fair he was right for that. In contrast to Shidou's shown concern for both Haruka, Amane, and Mahiru-

20/07/03

Shidou: Sakurai-kun……? Show me your hand.

Haruka: Heh!? No, I…… There’s, n-n-nothing wrong.

Shidou: Show me. ……the palm of your hand is bleeding. I’ll have to disinfect it. Does this always happen……?

Haruka: A-ah…… It’s, j-just a habit…… I-if I’m nervous, I grip my hands, too hard, so my nails……

21/10/24  (Shidou’s Birthday)

Shidou: ……oh, Yuzuriha-kun. It’s unusual so see you around this early. Wishing me a happy birthday…… probably isn’t the what you’re here for, huh.

Kotoko: No, it is. Happy birthday, Shidou. Though it’s not like I bought you a present or anything. But while I’m here, I’d also like to ask you something. Has anything changed for you recently? Having nightmares, hearing voices, feeling anxious…… anything like that.

Shidou: Not especially, no. ……ah, so this is about how Kajiyama-kun and Shiina-kun have been strange recently? And she’s been trying to hide it, but Amane too…… We’ve been living in these conditions for a while…… it’s not unusual for there to be an impact on us mentally. Are you worried about them? You’re a very caring person.

Kotoko: Hmm, so you noticed? If nothing’s wrong with you, then that’s good. ……if I’ve understood properly, that means you’re safe…… Once again, happy birthday, Kirisaki Shidou.

This timeline takes place after the one between Mikoto and Futa where the audience is shown how Mikoto's verdict is impacting him. Shidou mentions how despite Amane attempting to hide it something is clearly bothering her, Futa, and Mahiru. Yet omits the guy who was noticeably acting weird in the timeline right before this one. I cannot make this shit up their birthdays are literally in the same month.

These timelines happened within two weeks of each other and he was just not concerned about that. He didn't clock that as weird but he's giving Amane so much attention even though she's to his admission trying to hide it he's noticed her having issues as well. Mikoto isn't really doing much to hide his change in temperament.

Shidou notice this change though and to his own admission does not appreciate the change,

Q.07 Are there any prisoners you get along with?

Shidou: Kayano-kun has become like that, and I can’t spend my time smoking at the moment, so the smoking trio has disbanded, which is a bit lonely.

There is no positive spin one can put on they became like that it is usually something said with judgment and not positive judgment. In contrast Haruka, Futa, Mahiru, and Amane's new dispositions were recognized as out of the ordinary and met with concern.

Shidou even going as far as to put worrying about Amane above or equally as important as Mahiru's health at a point. To the extent that Kazui has to remind him to prioritize and in response he basically goes as the adults within the prison the children are a priority.

22/06/27 (Amane’s Birthday)

Kazui: What’s up, Shidou-kun? You’re looking pretty down. I guess you must be tired, I’ve been relying on you a lot lately.

Shidou: Yeah, I just remembered…… today is Amane’s birthday. I’m just getting a bit sentimental.

Kazui: Hmm, it’s unfortunate, but at the moment we can’t worry about that. ……you understand, right? There’s something that you need to do right now. And if you tried talking to her your words definitely won’t reach her. Don’t look at me like that. We’ll just wait until the situation changes. Let’s do our best.

Shidou: Yeah. I’ll do what I can. I can’t have a child making a face like that. Even though we’re “murderers”…… we’re also the adults here.

She literally just got jumped Shidou can you stop harassing this child for like one day? She's been at deaths door all of trial two but she was fine enough for you to have this concern right after her ass got kicked. Shidou several months after the jumping, "These attacks were atrocious. People almost died."

Shidou at best five days after the attacks occurred, "It's Amane's birthday though."

Kazui, "Sir if you don't go back to helping the woman about to die and prioritize properly don't look at me all sad the hell?! She's dying."

Mahiru in her room struggling to breath or sit up straight with her fractured ribs, "It's fine Yuno I can do it."

Yuno, "No, you can't I'll get it you stay still where is Shidou?"

"I can't allow a child to be making a face like that."

Meanwhile Mahiru is in the back struggling for air just like she left her significant other in the weirdest display of narrative karma to ever exist. Probably having trouble breathing for the first time in her damn life like this- is what this feels like. Then he shows up to his second interrogation like I'm the only help she has. Bitch you were more concerned with giving Amane any sort of birthday celebration instead of checking on her.

Someone had to softly remind him that two people just got beat into the dirt and needed medical attention. So maybe this isn't the time to be thinking about a birthday. This is how Shidou parallels Mu as well. This is his I'm failing to read the room moment. This is him showing I only care about the things I care about. It's Amane's birthday I care about Amane because she's a child.

We should do something for her even though she is uninjured. Same energy as come on you're free Yuno celebrate.

22/07/05 (Mu’s Birthday)

Mu: Hey~~~ Isn’t everyone a bit gloomy lately? I get that this situation isn’t ideal, but you’re really bringing down the mood for my birthday.

Yuno: Haha, surely even you can tell now’s not really the time for something like that right. Nobody’s really in the mood, or rather nobody has time time to deal with something like that.

Mu: Boo, how boring. You seem to be free, you can celebrate for me. Go on, celebrate.

Yuno: Wow, what a pain. I’m reading the atmosphere properly and keeping quiet. Well, you just go and have fun with Haruka. In the corner somewhere so you’re out of everyone’s way.

Excuse me? Hello, people almost died and could very well still die... This is not the time for either of these issues. This is why when Mu praises herself for taking care of Haruka and bringing him food Shidou praises her right back. Because they both use people around them to validate themselves and their actions.

Aren't I doing so good by taking Haruka food? I saved Kajiyama-kun and Shiina-kun aren't I indispensable hostage game but you know it's all up to me right? You need me to take care of them right? So innocent.

I swear a good majority of people hear someone is in a medical or caretaking profession and just assume that person has oodles of empathy. They're just filled to the brim with consideration for all their fellow men when it is just a job. It doesn't make anyone more or less caring if they go into those professions. In fact there are a lot of incidents regarding abuse by people in those professions towards patients or the people they were tasked in looking after.

Sorry if that's disappointing to some people but a person is going to be the same person they were without a doctorate once they get doctorate. If someone was a mean uncaring individual before they started studying this thing chances are they will remain that person after. Getting a degree is not the same as working on oneself and their communication skills with others it is just school. There is no piece of paper that will magically make someone a good person who is right all the time and can do no wrong.

So let's talk about Shidou's wrongs towards Haruka and Amane in particular. Shidou infantilizes Haruka. He's straight ageist to Amane everyone knows that but the reason he acts the same towards Haruka is because he does not view Haruka as a person with agency or intelligence. This is why Kazui and Shidou are so comfortable talking about their attempts at negotiating a ceasefire with Kotoko around him.

No other prisoner mentions this in their interrogations but it's fine if Haruka overhears because he more then likely won't even understand what they're talking about. He talks at Haruka. Telling him bluntly to show him his hand. He doesn't ask if he's okay or if something happened.

This is something he does with Amane as well. Considering he downright ignored the fact that she does not like sweets then went ahead and ordered her a cake for her birthday. After Kazui asked her about it her previous birthday and she basically told him the same thing she tells Shidou the next year.

20/06/27  (Amane’s Birthday)

Amane: Zzz…… zzz…… ……nnh……

Kazui: Oh, Amane, it’s your birthday today, right? Shina-chan told me. Happy birthday. Have the others already celebrated?

Amane: ……thank you very much. That’s right. A few have spoken to me. I don’t personally consider my birthday that important, but I’ll gratefully accept the well-wishes.

Kazui: Even so, though, it’s not like I have a present to give you or anything. Sorry. ……if push comes to shove, maybe I can ask the guard for a cake. Depending on their mood, they might agree to it.

Amane: No, that’s fine. I’m not especially fond of that sort of thing. I’ll just accept your kind words as a gift.

21/06/27  (Amane’s Birthday)

Shidou: Amane, I heard it was your birthday today. I asked Es-kun if we could get this cake to give to you……

Amane: I don’t need it. I’ll gratefully accept your well-wishes, but I don’t eat things like that. Also…… Shidou-san, I can’t say I’m especially fond of the way you assume that all children will love frivolous things like this.

Shidou: ………… Is that so… I apologise. I’m sure everyone else will be happy to eat it, so don’t worry about it. Sorry for intruding.

Amane: ………… ……cake……

So, either Kazui just didn't tell him this information last year when she said it which fair why would he. He doesn't have to report back to Shidou. However that would mean he saw this man order and set up this cake. Saw it in the fridge and at no point went huh that's weird I should probably tell him she doesn't like cake and instead went,

"Hm well not my mistake not my problem. Some people gotta learn on their own."

And Shidou did not in fact do the thing he's known for which is hearing a child state their boundaries and then blatantly ignoring them like with the pancakes. If it's easier to believe Kazui didn't casually go up to him and be like well she said she didn't like cake and he went to himself no all kids like cake she must be putting up a tough front then decided to test it on her birthday.

Like if there's a cake here in front of her then of course she'll eat and if she has to hear everyone else enjoying what a great cake it is to actually try it than that's just what it takes. Like a dude trying to feed mashed peas to a baby like mmm it's actually really good you're really missing out. Haruka on the other hand is less defiant than Amane the second trial commence notice states being voted innocent,

"Being found “innocent” furthered his self-affirmation, and unlocked his desire to be dominated."

He wants to be told what to do. Literally his first glitched voice line is him repeatedly asking then what should he have done instead. Because if someone just tells him than that's what he'll do.

This brings up a parallel between Amane and Haruka the themes of obedience and disobedience. Where Haruka is asking to be led by someone anyone and be told exactly what he needs to do to be good in their eyes and Amane has been given those rules but keeps breaking them because they conflict with her own morals and sensibilities.

Haruka had no guidance but Milgram comes out the gate in his character description on the website and goes if you talk to him he will listen and learn. He does what Es deems okay. He tried to make a deal and threats because Es responded to that positively when Kotoko did it. Are we on the same page now.

Just as Es takes in the judgments the audience makes on all the prisoners Haruka takes in what the audience end up favoring and disliking then tries to mold himself around that to get the attention he wants. To be the audience and Es' favorite Haruka is possibly going to keep changing and aligning himself more with what will get him the response he wants. If that means he has to keep killing because the people with the highest body counts are innocent and he's sitting at guilty while possibly having the lowest than just guess what he's gonna do.

Now let's get back to that Mikoto parallel. Haruka being acceptance/community and Mikoto's being denial/ostracization. This connects Mikoto to Mu narratively as well both of their narratives have a lot to do with denial and isolation.

For example (since Haruka's section has just become a trial two recap at this point fuck if you got this far you're here now),

"Ahhh- It’s the same anywhere I go. It’s like what’s wrong isn’t wrong." / "I told you I’m queen, and it’s always the same."

"I see it in my dreams even though I erased it- Maybe I’m done."/ "I’m probably not to blame. It’s probably nothing. I’m probably just having a bad dream, I need to wake up soon."

"I don’t want tomorrow to come, I want to forget yesterday I was miserable."/ "I was having such a hard time, I was trying so hard."

"But I guess some of it is my fault. Maybe it’s ok as it is I want to feel “alive”, is it ok if I breathe?"/ "If I could laugh, If I could go back I’d play dead even though I’m alive right?"/ "Let’s meet up inside the pain, a place just for me postmortem makeup to hide my heart, how to solve it is a secret. The stabbing of the little devil’s voice, counterattack being a suicide note “I love YOU”."

"The minus energy that I swallowed hugged me. Maybe it’s ok to try to keep on living split in half, make that heart beat."/ "But I guess some of it is my fault. Maybe it’s ok as it is I want to feel “alive”, is it ok if I breathe? Tell me."/ "Why, hey why, please let me out of here. Please tell me it’s a mistake, that’s it’s a lie. That I’m right, I’ll forgive you if you tell me now."

"If you’re going to make me the villain. It’s ok to ignore me."/ "“He’s a liar”, you said, and made me out to be a scoundrel, why?"/ "There’s no special meaning, I got the short end of the stick. I overheard, I found out how much I’m not needed."/ "All those ridiculous accusations hurting it, holding it down, it doesn’t change anything, does it?! Ahhh, it’s the same anywhere I go. It’s like what’s wrong isn’t wrong. I’m already the fake one."/ "Because it’s not my fault I am innocent as everybody desires. I am relieved, I am always the drama queen."

"Take more and more (honey) and devote to me."/ "Hey now, I saved you, right? So why in the hell are you crying? Cling to me, hoist me up as your “savior”, stand up and sing out your gratitude, that’d be good."

"Hey, what if If I am a bad girl. Don’t hate me."/ "All I did was dream, so you find me INNOCENT, it’s that simple right? Come to know me as an honest man, eat your words, gulp them down."/ "Hold on. It’s not my fault. You knew it, right?/ "I will NEVER forgive you if this is happening to me even though I’m right."

"If you want to betray from jealousy. You know what’s gonna happen ON YOU."

"I was in denial, I was in denial." - "I was wrong. Yes, it was me."

20/06/05

Haruka: Ah…… ah, u-um, Mikoto-san. The c-communication……? thing, that you were saying was important. I-I thought, I’d give it my best…… Um, so, Mikoto-san, what’s your favourite food……?

Mikoto: Ooh? Nice going, Haru-kun~ Yeah, we still have no idea how long this lifestyle will go on for, so it’s best if we all get along together here. My favourite food…… I like pasta and horse-meat sashimi. Also bubble tea, and recently I’ve been big on custard puddings. What about you?

Haruka: ……ah, I, I wonder…… H-hamburg steak, and omurice, a-and also…… what else? Ah. Cotton candy……

Mikoto: C-cotton candy!? That’s the first time I’ve met someone who has that in their top three favourites!? ……man, Haru-kun, you really are hilarious.

"Tell me, why are you drifting away from me?" - "Tell me why? Please don’t change."

22/10/06 (Mikoto’s Birthday)

Haruka: Mikoto-san. Um, are you ok……?

Mikoto: Ah, Haru-kun. It’s been a while since we last talked, huh. Yeah, I’m fine. Are you doing ok……?

Haruka: Ah, I’m fine. I’ve been enjoying myself, a lot. Um, I’m sorry, for avoiding you. I was a bit scared. Of you, honestly……

Mikoto: Ahhh, yeah. I’ve been lashing out whenever I go to sleep, right? ……it’s fine. Even I think you’re right to be scared. You know, I kinda just hate that I don’t even know what’s going on myself…… haha. Ah, but despite all that you still came and talked to me because it’s my birthday, right? Thank you, you’ve grown into a good man.

"Don’t leave me alone, don’t leave me." - "I just wanted to be your good boy. Why am I crying again?"

21/06/22   (Haruka’s Birthday)

Mu: Haruka-kun, are you awake……? Happy birthday.

Haruka: M-Mu-san? I… I-I’m awake…… Th-thank you, very much. I’m… glad……

Mu: ………… Shall we talk? You know, recently I’ve been pretty interested in you.

Haruka: ……!! I-in me…? Hehe, hehehe…… interested, in me.

22/06/22 (Haruka’s Birthday)

Mu: What’s wrong, Haruka-kun? Did something happen? You shouldn’t look away like that when you’re together with me.

Haruka: Ah, s-sorry, Mu-san. Um…… No, it’s nothing. I just, suddenly got a feeling. That something is about to happen.

Mu: Isn’t that because it’s your birthday? Or perhaps it’s a sign the guard is about to wake up again soon? Fufufu, I bet they’ll be really surprised at a lot of things.

Haruka: That, might be true. But, I want the the guard to see. ……the new, me…….

“Can I be your favorite this time?”/ "Mommy, look, I’ve done great “There there, my good boy!” I promise to make my dreaMU come true."

"Aww! I just want to invent myself I'm a cute chimera sewn crooked <- new!" / "I want the the guard to see. ……the new, me…….

"Don't be so selfish for the same new, then you start all over. Which way am I going, oh yeah, it's up to me. What I want to do, oh yeah, it's up to me."

23/06/22 (Haruka’s Birthday)

Mu: Haruka-kun, I brought your food. Are you still alive? Has any mould started growing?

Haruka: ……ah, thank you very much. Mu-san. Sorry, um…… I……

Mu: You shouldn’t just lock yourself in your room all day. You have to eat your food properly. Hm, well…… I do understand why you’re feeling down. It feels bad. The atmosphere recently.

Haruka: Um, I’m totally fine…… Just a bit, I’m thinking, about how to do it. What to do, what to do, to…… fulfil my promise. For Mu-san’s sake……

Love how he just lies here by the way. Mu is trying to confide in him about how the atmosphere has been bad for her recently and he's just goes nope not me I'm fine actually. Certainly I'm sitting at guilty and locking myself up in my room but that's just because I'm thinking about how to keep my promise to you and nothing else.

Definitely not thinking about how I could change myself to get the audience to be interested in me again. Definitely not. Just thinking about keeping my word for your sake because you're my mom.

Meanwhile the following month,

24/07/05 (Mu’s Birthday)

Mu: You know, I think this is all your fault really. Everyone’s on edge because you lashed out. And because of that, nobody’s paying attention to me any more. It’s kinda boring. I don’t get it.

Kotoko: ……you went out of your way to say that to my face? Aren’t you scared of me? The next target of my fangs might be you.

Mu: Why? Kotoko-san, aren’t you punishing the bad guys? I didn’t do anything wrong. And anyway, fufu, you’re talking like you’re fine too. Aren’t you gonna be not forgiven too this time? What will you do then? Start biting yourself? Fufu, that’s hilarious. I want to watch.

Kotoko: ……you’re good at provoking people. I’ll pray that you won’t be forgiven this time. When that time comes, I’ll be sure to crush you.

It's so fucking funny that Kotoko just admitted she's praying for a kids downfall like Shidou is. The Kotoko and Shidou overlaps they're amazing I need to see them fight. But my point is here Mu goes out of her way to lecture Kotoko because no one else will give her attention on her birthday even Haruka.

Who since being out of his room has talked to anyone but her. Kine of weird and suspicious. Yet there relationships was always more an aligning of interests and nothing deeper than that. One could just say Mu got the short end of the stick and realized again just how much she wasn't needed. She was trying to prove her worth by bringing him food and taking care of him but since he's gone out of his room he's relied anyone but her.

Weird. Whelp none of my business. Sometimes that's how it is and maybe he just wants Mu as far from his behavior as possible. Most of the prisoners tend to dote on Haruka. Mu bringing his food to his room while he wasn't holing himself up in it, Futa and Shidou both taking time out of their days to go check on him despite stating they have bigger concerns...

These small actions show just how much the other prisoners care about Haruka and have grown to care about him over the course of milgram. I mean Haruka is nice, not intimidating to approach, timid and seeing his growth and being a part of it in particular can instill hope in the prisoners in a hopeless situation. A lot of prisoners look at Haruka as there second chance.

Because he to many prisoners embodies the people they failed or let down. Someone vulnerable, someone that relied on them, someone who couldn't speak up for themselves. Through his presence a few of them feel they can make amends for their previous mistakes. They don't even really treat him like a threat or a murderer most of the time.

This is why I brought up Shidou earlier. He isn't just like this with Haruka of course yet his mannerisms when it comes to this are more prevalent when one looks at how he engages with Haruka and Amane. Shidou still shows concern for Futa and Mahiru as well despite them being adults in his eyes.

Highlighting their less than stellar physical conditions at the beginning of his second voice drama.

Shidou's Voice Drama

"Orbital floor fracture right side."

Hm?

"Traumatic retinal detachment. Bruising. Lacerations. Partial fracture of the thorax."

...

"This is Kajiyama-kun's present condition."

Futa's?

"Shiina-kun's is even worse. Head lacerations. Bruising all over her body. A sprained neck. Fractured ribs. Further fracturing to the left arm. And furthermore... This may be outside my profession, but her mental health is deteriorating as well."

Mahiru...

This is the very first thing he brings to Es' attention. Not even bothering to return their greeting. He makes a statement outside of his area of expertise on Mahiru's mental health.

Extending consideration and grace to these parties,

23/10/24 (Shidou’s Birthday)

Mahiru: You have a family right, Shidou-san……? How does it feel, being married, having kids……?

Shidou: ……yeah, it’s a wonderful thing. Children…… yeah. They really are hope for the future. When you have your own, suddenly it becomes fun growing old. Since as you grow older, you get to see them grow up.

Mahiru: Ah…… how lovely. It was always my dream to become a bride. Though maybe that seems a bit outdated. I wish it could’ve come true……

Shidou: It isn’t too late. I’m going to make sure you live. So let’s get out of here, and you make your wish come true. ……you still have so much to live for.

24/06/22 (Haruka’s Birthday)

Shidou: ……I’m worried about Sakurai-kun. I haven’t seen him around in a while. You’ve been talking with him, right?

Mu: He’s fine. Here, look. I’ve been taking his food to him like this every day. Isn’t that great of me?

Shidou: Yes, very. I’m sorry I’ve been leaving it to you to look after him. Usually, that would be the job of us adults, and yet we’re leaving you with the burden.

Mu: Don’t worry about it. After all, me and Haruka-kun are friends.

Fostering a sense of community and comradery with them. Where they all help each other and will speak in the defense of one another and with their best interests in mind. Because that's how adults within society are meant to behave.

Yet, his grace consideration seems to run out when it comes to Mikoto. He treats Mikoto's change in temperament as an inconvenience. Because Mikoto is an adult. Not only that he's competent enough to protect himself and end his fight with Kotoko in a draw completely unscathed. He's not only an adult but a skilled and competent one who should know better than to let his personal problems negatively impact his lessers.

He's not like Haruka, Futa, Mahiru, or Amane defenseless weaklings that can do nothing to take care of themselves without a proper adult around. He's not someone who needs constant attention, care, or even the smallest bit of aid. He is a man, he is an adult, that Shidou recognized as his equal and spent time with as such. They smoked together so of course he doesn't get the same treatment as the kids.

He's not about to treat Mikoto like Kazui does,

24/08/05 (Kazui’s Birthday)

Mikoto: ––No, it’s just…… I’m happy for the thought…… But I don’t even know myself what I’ll do next. So I can’t really hang out at the moment, y’know? But…… haha, aren’t you scared, Kazu-san?

Kazui: Hmm, I guess because of my work, I’m used to dealing with rowdy youngsters. Obviously you have your reasons. I don’t feel like prying, though. Well, whenever you feel like it, you’re always welcome. If you’re always on your own it’ll just make you feel worse. I’ll be company if you need to relieve some stress.

Mikoto: Yeah…… I’m not really, y’know, used to relying on other people. Like, I start to worry that I’m being a burden. And it’s hard for me to deal with feeling so pathetic…… If I do say so myself, I’m super Japanese, haha……

Kazui: Hm…… well, I’m fine whatever. If this is what’s easiest for you, I won’t force you. But you know, being in your 20s is still super young. It’s great that you’re so disciplined, but most people won’t worry if you’re a bit of a burden. I mean, I’m almost 40, and I feel like I’m still a kid now.

Most people won't Shidou however,

Q.07 Are there any prisoners you get along with?

Shidou: Kayano-kun has become like that, and I can’t spend my time smoking at the moment, so the smoking trio has disbanded, which is a bit lonely.

Shidou be like, "Look Kayano-kun you're fucking it up for us folks still in our twenties. Twenty-nine and twenty-three stop fucking it up we're the adults here. We're both college graduates get it together. You are setting a bad example you gonna walk around acting like an adult then be one. You're embarrassing our age range in front of the oldest guy here."

Just like an older colleague at work. Over here like, "Tch young people these days none of them can handle a work environment."

"Um sir he's carrying a sixty percent guilty verdict."

"Pfft I'm always guilty on the inside! Regardless if the morning comes I'll still be guilty. When the sun rises when it sets I'm never gonna feel innocent not one second of my life the closest I'll get to it is feeling justified in my choices but knowing it was meaningless cruelty all the same. He needs to suck it up."

"My guy- he just needs a mental health day. He's run ragged look at him. Remember what you said about Mahiru's mental health accommodate him a little it's not hard. Just give him a minute or some sympathy."

"Oh so now he wants free pity. Look at the example you're setting for these kids right now. You're a failure of a man. Do you think this is how an honest man lives? How you're living right now-"

"Dude he's sensitive about that shut up. Look Mikoto I'm trying..."

Mikoto, "No he's right I fucking suck."

"Aw see Shidou you validated his self-disparaging views. Now he thinks he just needs to work harder again."

Shidou, "Because he does. That's a good thing for him to recognize."

Mikoto head in hands-

20/06/15

Mikoto: Hey, it’s kinda a bother having you be so angry and tense all the time. You should stop trying get everyone to pay attention to you. You’re a uni student, right? You can’t act like that once you start working properly.

Futa: Huh!? Shut up. Not like I care what you say. Even though we’re in this shitty situation, you’re just chatting away, it’s stupid. Aren’t you the one who’s acting out of place here? ……also the fact you give everyone nicknames is just gross.

Mikoto: *sigh* It’s more stupid to be taking this all so seriously. I mean, it’s definitely just a reality TV program. There’s no way a real prison exists that’s this lax. Also, I don’t give nicknames to everyone. I don’t give them to young kids like Amane, or to the hard-to-approach types like Shidou-san. I mean, I’m not giving you one, right?

Futa: ……oi, which group are you trying to say I am?

Now this may come off like I'm saying Shidou is a crass, blunt, man that holds those he deems to be his colleagues, equals, or peers in any capacity to the same unreasonable expectations he holds himself to. That when one of them fails to live up to what is expected of them as the adults then they've all failed in some way causing him to look upon the failures of those he considers equals with scorn while those he considers inferior, too immature, or unexperienced doing the same thing or needing help is cute. And that's because I am saying that and he is too,

21/03/22  (Kazui’s First Trial)

Shidou: Mukuhara-san, you’ve not been looking great ever since you came back.

Kazui: Ahh…… yeah, I still haven’t got back to my usual self huh. Y’know, Shidou-kun…… kids can be really brutal huh. I don’t have any of my own so hadn’t realised until now.

Shidou: Haha, so they are. They won’t listen to the excuses adults make to explain themselves. ……though that’s also what makes them cute.

Kazui: Yeah… You’re really mature, Shidou-kun. By comparison, I’m really immature huh. Not growing up in any way other than my age. ……*sigh* Even I’m starting to hate that about myself.

22/06/27 (Amane’s Birthday)

Kazui: What’s up, Shidou-kun? You’re looking pretty down. I guess you must be tired, I’ve been relying on you a lot lately.

Shidou: Yeah, I just remembered…… today is Amane’s birthday. I’m just getting a bit sentimental.

Kazui: Hmm, it’s unfortunate, but at the moment we can’t worry about that. ……you understand, right? There’s something that you need to do right now. And if you tried talking to her your words definitely won’t reach her. Don’t look at me like that. We’ll just wait until the situation changes. Let’s do our best.

Shidou: Yeah. I’ll do what I can. I can’t have a child making a face like that. Even though we’re “murderers”…… we’re also the adults here.

24/06/22 (Haruka’s Birthday)

Shidou: ……I’m worried about Sakurai-kun. I haven’t seen him around in a while. You’ve been talking with him, right?

Mu: He’s fine. Here, look. I’ve been taking his food to him like this every day. Isn’t that great of me?

Shidou: Yes, very. I’m sorry I’ve been leaving it to you to look after him. Usually, that would be the job of us adults, and yet we’re leaving you with the burden.

Mu: Don’t worry about it. After all, me and Haruka-kun are friends.

Shidou when he keeps ignoring the fact that Kazui keeps telling him that despite being the oldest here he is actually the most emotionally immature and should not be given any responsibility.

Kazui making it as clear as possible how immature and unsuited for responsibility he is,

"I’m really immature huh. Not growing up in any way other than my age. ……*sigh* Even I’m starting to hate that about myself. - "I mean, I’m almost 40, and I feel like I’m still a kid now."

24/10/24 (Shidou’s Birthday)

Kazui: Ah y'know… Is having children really as great as everyone says? Shidou-kun, you've got two kids, don't you? It wasn't possible for me, so in a way I yearn for it.

Shidou: Yes, it truly is a great thing. No exaggeration. Even if they aren't your own children, don't you think its nice to have someone who's existence connects you to the future? If you can leave them something that they'll carry for the rest of their lives, I think it gives your own life more purpose. That's hope.

Kazui: You're really amazing, aren't you? It almost hurts to look at you. ….But, I sort of get where you're coming from. Every now and then I get overly sentimental thinking about my existence, how I could leave this world without adding to it. Doing something for the little devils around here might not be too far off from that hope you were talking about. I doubt it'll be easy though.

Shidou: Hehe. ….I implore you, Mukuhara-san. Please, give the children your protection.

Shidou I don't know what you mean Kazui we're the adults here. As such, I want you to take responsibility for these kids and protect them as another adult. I implore you to take on this responsibility. He should be helping them take care of the more vulnerable people here and the attitude he displayed during the intermission was a display of his personal failings. At least in Shidou's opinion. This goes into the similarities between Shidou and Futa.

Their shared stances on women and children as a vulnerable group. As well as how that perception impacts how they engage with others within the prison. Shidou is more willing to give grace to Haruka and Amane because of ageism and infantilization. Amane is just a child so she should be treated in a way that displays recognition of that fact. She shouldn't be here in Milgram or held to the strongest extent of the law because she's just a child.

This is the same logic Shidou extends to Haruka as well. He's not competent like Mikoto is. He can't express himself as well and is prone to getting injured or sick. So of course like a child he needs more care attention and firm guidance. It's not even limited to age he extends the same logic to Yuno, Futa, Mahiru, and Kotoko because they're all still students just a bit more respectfully. Yet Kazui, Mikoto, and himself are the working adults they should know better and be on top of this. This is why Shidou offers to extract that fang in Triage. Because as he makes clear through Amane he is willing to meet immaturity with immaturity if that means the kids will learn what's appropriate and what's not.

22/10/24 (Shidou’s Birthday)

Shidou: No, I don’t understand. It’s my job as an adult to teach you that throwing a temper tantrum isn’t going to make everything go your way. If it’s a test of endurance you want, I’m happy to oblige, Amane.

It is possible that another thing Futa, Shidou, Amane, and Kotoko all share is their mentality to meet violence with violence or conflict with conflict. Haruka did what many others within Milgram did associated himself with people who were more likely to improve his circumstances than worsen them. This may be why we see him engage with guilty prisoners less while aligning himself more with those innocent like him. To show that he was not and is still not a loser. He didn't question the guards judgments to show that he thought they were right, he tried to be more confident and outspoken to display to Es that their choice wasn't wrong. In contrast him closing himself off after his change in verdict is an extension of his warning to Es in his trial one voice drama, "I shouldn't get too i-involved with people in the first place. Even with all the prisoners, they might understand. It's no good." - "You shouldn't get too close to me. Bringing misfortune to people is the only thing I'm naturally good at." It's likely that him being voted guilty, Mu being voted guilty after getting close to him, or both may have caused this belief to resurface leading to him isolating himself (locking himself in his room) out of fear of bringing misfortune to those around him.

Regardless of Haruka's intent with these changes, the fact remains that Es simply couldn't stand the way Haruka changed. Possibly because it reminded them of Kotoko getting cocky and acting on her own while they were asleep. The way that she overstepped their boundaries, into their position as guard, and hurt people they admit to caring about. The new Haruka just showed Es that no one, not even him, was taking Es' position seriously. That they thought they could simply talk them into whatever outcome they wanted. That they felt comfortable because they were taking them as a fool that would believe anything sat in front of them without question. An imperfect guard who was too kind and weak just waiting to be taken advantage of.

Of course since Es said these prisoners were right once they'd never change their mind now. All Haruka's attempts and efforts came off as cocky, dismissive, and a belittling of not only Es' intelligence but their dedication to their job. Something that has been shown to anger Es throughout the series.

Ultimately it was this behavior shared between the three of them that had their trials go as poorly as they did. It is also this mindset that led them all to heavily associating with one another. Because they weren't wrong, Es found them innocent, agreed to work with them- Of course, if they saw that once they'd see it again. They're not the losers here after all. None of them were wrong. So, of course Haruka is going to report to Es' assistant what his plan is and ask her to let him proceed. Guilty or not that's only the proper thing to do.

"I wasn’t wrong, I wasn’t wrong- Please don’t say that I am a loser. Hug me again as you once did."

Unlike those losers over there who should have just-

"Ravaging, brawling, losers please exit left."/ "Aren’t they all the people you thought were bad?"

It doesn't matter if he was too scared to talk with her previously.

Haruka Trial One Voice Drama

Mu, Yuno, and....

How about Kotoko?

Uh... S-She's a bit scary.

That was the old Haruka. The new Haruka isn't afraid of kids or talking to Kotoko. Even though there are more reasons to be afraid of her than there were before. Kotoko is someone he had no reservations about speaking to despite the fact that she had physically assaulted three people in close proximity to him. Then was very openly planning to attack more to her own continued admission.

Yet, despite the clear risk to the safety of others she continued to be Haruka had no issue communicating with her and actively seeking her out. Because he recognized she was not going to attack him. Because why would she he's innocent. He's not like those guilty prisoners. Him and Kotoko are the same in that regard.

This is the mindset that grated Kotoko so much. Even though she was right she was the same as the other prisoners who had been voted innocent. Seeing them sitting in the same spot as she was made her more conscious of her own shortcomings. Having them innocent with her was like saying they were the same which to her and in the eyes of other prisoners may be the furthest thing from true and the biggest insult they could receive.

Yet it was this that made it easy for Haruka to come in and calmly discuss Shidou and Kazui attempting to negotiate a ceasefire with her. Because it wasn't his problem he was never worried about being attacked because he's innocent. Just like with Mu. It wasn't their problem,

"Ah, um, since it's a situation like this, we're all staying close to Shidou-san. Kotoko-san is the only one who's acting on their own."

...Oh?

"A-ah, um... Kotoko-san said she currently has no intention of attacking anyone. So, Shidou-san and Kazui-san had cea-ceasefire negotiations, they called it. With her..."

...

It was easy to talk about it in that way all up until the point he realized it could impact him. He and Mu did a lot of similar things within their second voice dramas. That display the impact that they've had on each other. The good and the bad.

Haruka Second Trial Voice Drama

Don't get ahead of yourself. It's all good and well that you've changed, but your past self just might have been smarter.

"...!!!!!!"

...

"Ugh...! Why?! Why, why, why are you saying things like that?!"

...!

"It's weird! You said you forgave me, Warden-san! It's weird for you to tell me that I'm wrong now!"

[sound of something hitting the table (more than likely his palm)]

...!

"Argh- it's weird! It's weird!" [stomping around]

Pipe down! You're hurting my ears.

"...You're mean. You're so mean... I, I-I can kill anything that's smaller than me, you know!"

Hahaha! You sure have developed and attitude! Go ahead and try! Idiot!

"Don't... make fun of me...!" [sound of running] "Ghhh, guh...! My body...won't move...!"

Is your memory that bad? Violence from the prisoners towards the warden is prohibited. Well...with one exception.

"Gh...!"

Later On

"Even though you said you would forgive me..."

You were told upfront that this is a three trial system.

"Why are you bullying me like this?"

I'm not bullying you. I'm simply trying to figure out whether I should forgive you or not and by extension, whether your actions were wrong or not.

"There's no way it was wrong! If I hadn't done it, nobody would have looked at me!"

You killed to gain attention? The you who was never loved by anyone?

"That's right! Because if I just remained a good-for-nothing, nobody would ever care about me!"

Just because of that, someone-

"Aren't I the only unfortunate person here?! Because I'm the only one who could never do anything since I was born, because I could never do the same things as everyone around me, my mother gave up on me and I stopped existing in her world!"

Even later (Fuck it honestly just listen to both side by side at this point.)

Rest assured, Haruka. Taking your circumstances and your feelings into consideration, I'll judge-

"As I thought. Warden-san, you're not my mother at all."

Huh? Never have been.

"Yeah...? Yeah, right, everyone only has one mother. The mother who never looked at me wasn't my mother either."

What are you saying?

"Heheheh, hahahaha...!"

You're pretty scary you know?

"Haa... I'm sorry, warden-san. For causing you trouble."

...

"My mother was Mu-san all along."

Huh?

"Mu-san is my mother."

I don't think that's right.

"It is, though?"

Is that really something you can deny...

"Mu-san praises me. The useless me... She praises me, acknowledges me, looks at me, and she needs me. My current self only exists thanks to Mu-san."

You did say you had two benefactors. So, the other one was Mu, huh?

"That's right. As long as Mu-san is here, I feel like there's a meaning to me coming to Milgram."

...

"I've met my real mother, so I'm happy. I'm sorry for causing problems earlier. I need to be a good boy- For Mu-san's sake as well."

This is... The needs and interests of the prisoners lining up with each other... Something like this can happen too...? Haruka desires a mother, but what could it be that Mu wants from him...?

You know I've been transcribing this shit too long when I see the words,

"Haruka desires a mother but what could it be that Mu wants from him?" and the first thing I think is come on vaminos- at this Dora the explorer ass question they ain't even being subtle! They're just out here like, "Whatever could she want?" Meanwhile in his fucking second trial song-

"I will keep on killing to be a good boy."

Ya know I can't say what she wants really. The funniest twist everyone looking at the middle schooler and office worker like they're gonna be trained assassins. Meanwhile- OH SHIT IT'S HARUKA COMING IN WITH THE BLADE! It's still sending me this statement is phrased like a fucking early reader comprehension test question. Why did they phrase it like this? Like,

Were you paying attention? Test your knowledge.

What does Haruka want from Es?

A. A license to kill.

B. To be judged fairly for his actions and held to account.

C. A Innocent Verdict/Forgiveness

D. For Es to leave everyone alone. So, they can all know peace.

E. A Guilty Verdict/Not to be Forgiven

What upset Haruka?

A. Kotoko's violent actions.

B. Kazui's and Shidou's attempt at mediating.

C. Es' judgment.

D. Not having a mother.

E. Es' judgment changing.

What does Haruka gain from Mu?

A. Stability.

B. Friendship.

C. Mutual Respect.

D. A maternal figure.

E. More mother issues to unpack in therapy.

I shouldn't be talking about reading comprehension questions like that. It was a good question to pose. Yet the overlap between Mu and Haruka's actions within their voice dramas trial two speaks volumes about how they enable each other and the ways they've become isolated from the rest of the cast. It's definitely not the healthiest dynamic but not the worse I've seen as of now. For example even though I stated that Haruka was still on good terms with Yuno from his perspective...

The feeling doesn't seem to be mutual. Since Yuno went on record stating that Haruka and Mu were beginning to annoy her. Haruka is more than likely collateral damage since Yuno has been annoyed with Mu for a good while now and his close proximity to her at this point. So she can't see one without bumping into the other.

Since Yuno seems to be trying to avoid Mu as much as possible that may extend to Haruka as well and play into why Yuno hasn't checked up on him. Even though Yuno herself says she has no intention of just letting someone die in front of her and has spent a good deal of these trials taking care of others. She has no real character reason not to want to help/check on Haruka but every character reason to not want to be near Mu who is always just posted up outside of Haruka's door going look I'm taking care of him.

So, she definitely wouldn't check unlike Futa who doesn't really have those issues with Mu or has been bothered by her in the same ways Yuno has. I don't know why Kazui isn't checking but like it's not his job to regardless. If someone gets hurt it's not really on him solely. Just because the audience and Shidou projected this caretaker and protector role onto him does not mean he will live up to it or even wants to.

I think the fact he hasn't checked is fishy but well it's not surprising. Shidou on the other hand- Well he's weird for the opposite reason. If Mahiru is still in a bad state how did he even make time to check on Haruka and Mu? Again he states he's worried about Amane and someone should do something about her but when given free time doesn't really treat that as much of a priority.

We haven't seen Mahiru in a long time (this changed with Kotoko's birthday interaction where Mahiru actively seeks her out even noting it's still hard to move while doing so which hello just raises more questions about this) but Haruka, Mu, Kazui, and Mikoto could have all gone to check on her but none of them have. I'm not holding it against Mu since Yuno directly told her to stay out of the way when they spoke after the attacks on her birthday. So she at least has in character reasons for not going.

Haruka may not be going because he realizes Mu isn't on good terms with Yuno right now. Since neither of them are hiding that. Kazui and Mikoto are weird though. Mikoto claims he attacked Mahiru but hasn't gone to apologize about that at all or gain clarity on it? Like that's kind of the bare minimum he could do if he truly believed that were the case. Which his second written interrogation implies.

Kazui is just like sir you're not doing anything else you might as well. Like I'm well aware he may not want to be bothered and may find Mahiru difficult to deal with but like you've seen Shidou enough to have seen her too. Which is the weird thing Shidou has had time for Kazui despite Mahiru needing constant care. Plus Amane and Futa have both gone to see her. So, it's not as though Mahiru is under lock and key.

So a part of me is like why are you avoiding doing that. Now with Mikoto there's an argument to be made that he's afraid he'll make her uncomfortable. He knows he fought with Kotoko and went up to her for her birthday though. Like he just kind of played that off like he didn't remember but he remembers attacking Mahiru?

Something multiple other parties have gone oh well he didn't do that. He attacked Kotoko while she was in the middle of attacking Mahiru. Kotoko has said that, Kazui said they were fighting and it was best to keep them that way, Yuno said they were fighting and commented on Mikoto being stronger than she thought, Mahiru never brought up Mikoto ever attacking her and only focused on how she forgave Kotoko for attacking her.

So after a point one has to question how Mikoto knows about Mahiru's attack but conveniently doesn't know Kotoko was there. There's memory issues and then there's like the fact he's actively avoiding everyone that would have a different recollection of those events while still trying to be chummy with the person he very much did jump according to several other parties. All of whom have no reason to lie-

Mahiru thinks Mikoto is a cheater and does not trust him she has more reason to lie on him being the one that jumped her than just forgive Kotoko.

Kazui literally had zero reason to lie there and even went it benefits me more if you keep them on opposite sides and they continue to fight each other.

Yuno does not like Kotoko and thinks Mikoto's pleasantries are forced. She says she would never be Kotoko's friend and the nicest thing she's said about Mikoto is again that comment about him being stronger than she thought.

All three of the parties who have spoken on this actually just have no vested interest in whatever is going on with Mikoto. Other than Kazui who doesn't want Mikoto to team up with Kotoko solely because he knows with a teammate Mikoto could kick his ass. And even then his interest wasn't let's make Mikoto look worse it was just let's keep these two away from each other and their goals from aligning. Like with Mu and Haruka. Which is fair.

Mu Second Voice Drama

"What do you mean?"

How did it come to that in the first place? What was the cause of it? That's what I don't know. You could say it was conveniently omitted.

"..."

Even you yourself refuse to go there. Is it a topic you don't want to touch upon?

"...Warden-san I think you're really doing something bad. Isn't it a bad thing to act like there has to be something wrong with someone for them to get bullied?"

Oh?

"No matter the circumstances it's always the bullies who are in the wrong! Isn't that obvious? Warden-san you're so smart but you didn't even know something like that? Maybe you should take some lessons on morals or something?"

...

"Besides, even if I've done something wrong, there's nothing that can justify bullying. Warden-san I thought you were nicer than this."

My sincerest apologies for not living up to your expectations.

Later on in Mu's second voice drama

Right, right. And here I was speculating that you might've originally been playing the opposite role...

[sound of something hitting the tabletop (possibly her palm)]

...!

"What are you getting at?"

Just that we could also speculate that you'd been the bully until the tables ended up turning on you.

"Do you realize what an awful thing you're saying right now?!"

What are you getting this angry for? I thought you hadn't done anything wrong?

"Warden-san... I hate you."

Haruka and Mu both have intense reactions in response to the idea that Es' opinion of them wasn't as unanimous as they thought. That they had doubts about it. Yet, they're both incredibly doubtful and fickle when it comes to their relationships as well. Think about it- Haruka had no issue talking to Kotoko several times after she attacked multiple people but could barely get a sentence out around her at the start of this. Yet, her violence didn't scare him off he wasn't worried for his safety showing that his fear wasn't being attacked but always was rejection like Mu's. Yet, he rejected others and drifted away from them despite displaying how much he dislikes the same thing. Then once he was in the same position as those he distanced himself from he was suddenly willing to confide in those guilty prisoners he may have been ignored previously for what seems to have been until the cameras were rolling again.

24/04/19 (Futa’s Birthday)

Futa: ––Hey, are you really ok with this? If you come with me, there’s a chance you can be saved too…… Haruka.

Haruka: Yeah…… I’ve made my mind up. I have, something, that I have to do.

Futa: Ah, is that right…… Haruka, you know, you’re an idiot. There’s no way…… that will save you……

Haruka: Yeah, thank you. I’m glad you came to talk to me, Futa. Um, thank you, for being so kind. Really. But, I’m sorry. This is all I’m able to do……

Oh wait no. Haruka didn't even go to confide in Futa. Futa did the thing people keep bitching about no one doing and went to check on Haruka himself. Who again when Futa was at his lowest was off ,

"I’ve been enjoying myself, a lot."

To be completely real with you it makes me wonder if the only reason Haruka is worried about people changing up on him is because he so easily changes up on others. Because when Mikoto and Futa were going through it where was Haruka- Looking after his self.

Because like Futa said,

Q.02 What do you think of Haruka?

Futa: I can’t afford to be worrying about other people at the moment Anyway, he’s not a little kid.

Okay, just got back from a break one of many I took after world events and- Ya, know... Someone in this fandom accused me of a felony a while back. Look if anyone has gotten this far I'm really anticipating them glancing at this and keeping it moving. But yeah that happened. Then they accused my friends of a felony as well. People will be like blocking isn't personal and shit but like each time I've blocked someone it's actually been due to consistent harassment that I have actually attempted to talk out as much as I can extend myself to do so. I think any rational person draws the line at someone accusing their partner and close friend of a crime.

Especially when a good way to go well that's not true is just blocking the person and moving on since the crime in question was cyberstalking. Then person wanted to go this is your fault for taking my concerns seriously instead of telling me to touch grass after I did that which like um what the hell. I'm not saying this is a good way to gage the reactionary nature of Milgram fans but like after a point there is no discussion to be had you just gotta accept some people like their life more if they can assume others are cruel and evil to validate their own inconsiderate and uncaring behavior. Like Haruka and Mu nothing is ever your fault if everyone else is the villain and your the weak helpless victim in whatever narrative one creates to help themselves sleep at night.

Some people really only care about people solely in the context of the role they play in their narrative. Haruka is no exception to this. He only cares about Mu because right now she fits into the role of mother. Es even brings up that their desires have happened to albeit conveniently overlap,

"This is... The needs and interests of the prisoners lining up with each other... Something like this can happen too...?"

So, what happens when that stops being the case for one or both of them?

Like the case of Futa and Mikoto. Two people Haruka relied on for socialization but as soon as their social standing fell he begun to distance himself from them. A lot of people in this world project what they're willing to do to others on those around them without a second thought. Just so they don't have to feel alone in their callousness. It's not a case of who is using whom when it comes to Mu and Haruka.

It's a case of whose usefulness will run out first or if it will at all. Something like that is a bit of a double edged sword isn't it? One could say it' like a person pointing their weapon at themselves and their enemy all at once. A true double bind.

How unfortunate.

[blackswallowtailbutterfly]

Someone insisting we don't learn language intuitively unless homeschooled...Did...did your parents put in you in school at 18 months of age? Did a teacher go around a room of toddlers with a dictionary saying, "This is what 'mama' means"? Because if the answer to that is no--and it is definitely no--you learned language intuitively, like everyone else. The finer points you learn in school, and later on your own, but even as you're doing that, you're still picking up words and phrases just by talking to people and reading.