#but I came to hate plots lately - is simply having a vibe not enough?

[teddybasmanov]

Why is there plot? Why must there always be plot...

[sinner-as-saint]

Can’t Stay Away From Me.

Cherry!Seb (mob!seb) x Stripper!reader. 

What is ‘cherry!seb’? Basically just mob!seb but like, daddy-er. (click on the tag for more)

Run-through: You've known the mob boss for a while now. He’s a regular at your club, and you are his personal favorite, everybody knew that you were his girl. You two have definitely broken the ‘no sex on premises’ rule many, many times. And although he called you his, you two were never officially a thing. So when he mysteriously doesn’t show up at the club for weeks, you decide to just put the hurt aside and move on. But the mob boss comes back from the dead just in time. And he doesn’t like what he sees. So he reminds you that you belong to him. Just him. 

Themes: smut, stripper!reader, angst, dirty talk, slight daddy kink, swear words, fluff

a/n: I wrote a hc quite similar to this last year or something, I read it recently and thought why not turn it into a fic since many of you have been missing Cherry!Seb lately. Enjoy!

You stared at yourself in the mirror of the dimly lit locker room. You were alone in there, all the girls had stepped out already. You gently touched the diamond choker you always wore and adored, your fingertips grazing his name upon it. 

His name. His choker. His girl. Everybody knew that. You were his girl so you had certain privileges that the other girls didn’t have. But you never took advantage of the power you had, mainly because you had fun with your job, but also because most nights over the past many months, you spent with him. And you loved every single moment. 

You sighed for the fifth time as you stared into the mirror. Tonight marked a little over three weeks since Seb last showed up at the club. You had no idea where he was, what he was doing, who he was with. And it hurt, bad. 

At first you were worried about his whereabouts, then by the second week you were annoyed and now all you had energy for was anger. Clearly he didn’t care, perhaps he was out there having the time of his life with other women and here you were sulking over his mysterious departure. 

Over the past weeks, you gained quite some new clients. Some new regulars as well. You did some champagne rooms, and earned decently well. But you didn’t make as much money as you made with Seb. 

You decided to stop acting like an overly obedient pet waiting for its master. You had to work and earn, like you did before him. 

You took one last look at yourself in the mirror and then went on to take the choker off. It would be humiliating to be proud of being his girl and wear his name on your neck while he was out doing God knows what. 

You tossed the choker onto the dresser with a heavy heart and walked out of the locker room, deciding to just be yourself tonight; the same beautiful, confident woman you were before meeting him all those months ago. He hadn’t been back in weeks, who knows perhaps he might never come back here. 

When you walked out, you noticed all the eyes on you. You looked good and you knew it. You sent some smiles around, some winks, a couple of flirty lines and by the time you made it to one of your regular clients, you had already earned some money bills. 

Your client tonight was an older gentleman. He was not like the typical, lousy businessmen who came by your club often. But he was very giving. The moment you settled on his lap he tucked a bundle of cash into the waistband of your thong, that alone earned him a lap dance to a sensual song. Besides, you were feeling yourself tonight so you were extra good today. 

You were carefree. You felt confident, and beautiful and sexy and you could feel all the eyes on you tonight. You danced like there’s no tomorrow. Your client was so satisfied he even put his golden chain on you at some point. You felt spoilt, so you gave him your best obviously. 

Amongst all those stares you got, one of them burned the most. You could feel the vibe around you change. You discreetly scanned the room and met with a pair of eyes you least expected. Stormy, ocean blue ones which made you tremble in both fear and hunger. 

Surrounded by his loyal guards, he stood there looking like a god; expensive, dark suit, the button of his shirt carelessly undone - he looked delectable - gawking, unable to believe that his precious babygirl dared to sit on another man’s lap. He was furious, and you could tell by the way he was shooting glares at you. 

Guess you didn’t expect him to just pop out of nowhere. But you didn’t let his presence ruin your mood right away. You maintained eye contact with him as you moved salaciously across the man’s lap. Biting your lip and being as inappropriate as you could; breaking all of Seb’s rules. 

He noticed it all. How you weren’t wearing his collar, how your dark red outfit was ridiculously revealing, how your body moved just to torment him, how you captured everyone’s attention. The more he looked at you, the angrier he got. 

You held his stare, daring and confidently. He decided not to cause a scene at your workplace so he simply pointed towards the corridor which led to the champagne rooms and walked off in that direction, expecting you to follow immediately. 

You could do so. You could drop everything and run to him because you missed him so much. But you purposely didn’t. He had made you wait over three weeks, he could wait some more minutes you thought. 

Meanwhile Seb was fuming inside the room. How dare you? Most of all, how dare that guy touch you like that? He couldn’t wait to have that talk with you and remind you that you belong to him and only him, because it seemed that you had forgotten. 

After finishing up your dance, you took your time and gracefully moved away from the man. You didn’t take off the golden chain, you didn’t take out the bundle of cash tucked into your thong either; you walked into the champagne room just like you left the man earlier - a little flushed. 

You knew which room he was in since his guards stood outside the door. They let you in and judging by their faces you could tell that their boss was in a bad mood. And you intended on making it worse. 

“Have you lost your way? Are you sure you’re in the right place?” You sassed, upon walking in. You took in his appearance for a moment or two and realized just how much you had missed him.  

Seb sat on the dark red couch, manspreading like it was his throne; quietly sipping on his liquor while his piercing eyes shamelessly roamed your body. The ridiculously bright neon signs behind him were the only things illuminating the room, buzzing slightly. Seb took his time and studied you; torn between loving and hating what he was seeing. 

Your lingerie drove him insane. Your excuse of a see-through cover up did too. Your slightly smudged dark lipstick made him want to ruin it even more, but the thought of where your lips had been were making him even angrier. 

He hated the sight of the golden chain around your neck, replacing the very expensive diamond collar he had given you a while ago; with his last name on it. That was a gift you were meant to wear all the time; to remind you and everyone else that you belonged to him. The mob boss was very possessive when it came to you, and now here you were, disrespecting him. 

But the thing he hated the most, was the bundle of cash tucked into the waistband of your underwear. And he knew that you were purposely showing it off. 

You caught the way his jaw clenched as his eyes roamed your body. He was thinking, plotting. You felt hot under his gaze. You had always loved the way he looked at you, like he owned you. He looked at you the same way, but right now he was pissed off as well.  

Seb had missed you. He even hurried his way back, eager to find you and have you on his lap while he finally touched you and told you all about the time he’d been gone. But instead, he returned to find that his girl had defied him. He felt betrayed. 

“Come here.” He simply said, authority dripping from his words. You could tell he was annoyed and troubled by what he saw out there but he had brought this upon himself. You stayed put despite his very clear order. You didn’t move a muscle. He sighed and rolled his eyes before staring deep into your soul again. “Babygirl,” he sounded threatening, “I said, come here.” He pointed to his lap. 

You approached him, knowing he would be a pain in the ass after all that he saw. But you knew he’d eventually give in because he had said it himself, he can’t stay away from you for too long. Neither could you honestly, and that was why him being gone for so long hurt so bad. 

Seb watched you as you slowly walked over to him, and before you even came to a full stop in front of him, he reached out and pulled you into his lap; gripping your jaw to make sure he had your full attention. 

“Get your fucking hands off me!” you slapped his hand away, surprising both you and him. You had never acted this way before. Usually you craved his touch. You did even now, but right now you were angry at him too. 

Seb growled as he pulled you closer and placed his hand back to your face, gripping your jaw harder this time and it hurt just a little but nothing compared to how you had felt this whole time he’s been gone. 

“Why are you being such a brat, huh? And what the fuck do you think you were doing just now, outside?” He asked, using the same tone he used when dealing with his rivals. Just a tone of pure anger and annoyance. 

Normally he was sweet and gentle with you, so this was new for you. But you wouldn’t give in so easily. You scoffed. “My fucking job is what I was doing! Now go get fucked somewhere else! I’m not your little toy!” You were mad too, and your anger camouflaged the hurt. 

You tried to get off his lap but he wouldn’t let you move. His grip on you was firm and strong. 

“Watch that tone with me, babygirl.” He threatened. This was the second time you had been entirely disrespectful while talking to him tonight. Seb was so close to losing his cool. 

“Or what?” Just two very bratty words from you was enough to make him lose his mind, and his calm and composure. 

Within a second he flipped the two of you and he had you pinned down on the couch beneath him. He held you by the neck gently, wrapping his long finger around your throat and applying the slightest bit of pressure which made you gasp softly. 

“You will not disrespect me like that. You know I don’t tolerate it.” He reminded you of his inability to put up with disobedience. 

You chuckled, mocking him. “And what are you gonna do about it? I have nothing to lose, Seb. I’m just a toy for you to play with, just a whore, or just an easy fuck on most days, aren’t I?” You sounded as though you were questioning his power, insulting him and hurting him at the same time. 

How dare you say that? How dare you assume that you were nothing but those things to him? You meant so much more to him, and you had no idea. Of all the people in his life, you were the only one who didn’t spend time with him out of fear. You were the only thing which he looked forward to almost each day. 

The mob boss was not good at being affectionate, so he thought that perhaps showering you with gifts and money would convey how much you meant to him. But apparently not, because you still dared to say such things right to his face. And upon hearing those things, something in him flipped like a switch. 

You saw it in his eyes; wild, and determined. 

“Just a whore, huh? Well, let me show you how I treat one,” he whispered before going absolutely feral. 

He tore off your lingerie in less than a few seconds. And you let him. You were mad, but you had missed him too and the truth is you’d take whatever he’d give you. He was mean, and dangerous and unpredictable but you loved him. Oh you loved him, and his cold heart and his dark soul. 

While he tore your clothes off your body, your shaky hands tugged at his suit and his shirt too. You could feel his hunger, and him yours. He wanted nothing more than to just be slow, and loving and love you and tell you just how much he missed you. But before all that, he needed to teach you a lesson. 

“I was stupid to even give you any attention.” He kissed his way down your naked body, kissing and nibbling on your skin as he went. “Should’ve left you out there, to be used like a little whore.” He mumbled, growling under his breath through clenched teeth while he parted your legs and settled in between them. 

Your breaths were short and fast as you looked up at him towering you. You had missed the sight of him above you, all big and strong. In less than a minute, he had his erected cock out in his hand. And the sight of him stroking it ever so gently made you whimper in need. 

“I was stupid to even put you on a fucking pedestal, and call you mine. I leave for some time and you get back down to where you truly belong. Guess whores never learn, huh?” He was quick to push himself in you, not even bothering about your whimpers and moans. 

You dripping wet core gripped around him immediately. Your body arched off the surface of the couch as you gasped and moaned. He supported himself above you and smirked as he saw your face morph into a frown. 

“Nothing...” he pulled out and pushed back into you again, “...but a fucking toy for me.” He repeated your words back at you as he sped up and pounded into you, making you moan wantonly in pleasure. He knew his words were a little harsh, but he wanted you to feel how he felt when he walked in to find you on someone else’s lap. 

You whimpered at how good he felt. He quickened his pace. He was relentless. 

“Guess you’ll do anything for money, huh?” His hand came down to grab you by the jaw again, forcing you to open your eyes and look into his deep, blue ones. “Tell me, did he fuck you like this as well? Did he touch you like daddy does? Did you let him?” He asked as he merciless pounded into you. 

You could only moan in response, and he got the answer he needed. He knew your body, and judging by the way you moved and squirmed under him and the sounds you made, he could tell no one had touched you since he’s been gone.  

“All fucking mine,” he growled as he let go of your face, grabbing your wrists and pinning them above your head. He grabbed the golden you wore and yanked it off you, throwing it somewhere on the ground behind him. 

You moaned out loud, struggling to keep your eyes open as it started to water. But the moment your eyes started to close, you felt a gentle smack on your cheek. 

“Look at me,” he leaned down to bite your mouth, “What is it? You can’t take daddy’s cock?” He taunted. “But isn’t that what whores do? Hmm?” he growled, “Shut up and take it then, take all of me. What else is a whore good for, huh?” He moaned and growled right against your mouth, clenching his teeth or occasionally biting down on your lip as he pounded into you relentlessly.

You moaned as he fucked deeper into you. You whimpered at the intensity of his thrust, and he kept going. You cried out as the pressure built up nicely in between your legs. Seb moaned at how your walls gripped his cock and milked it. 

You felt him too; deep inside you, touching you everywhere you wanted him too. You felt your tears fall down your cheeks. You were close...so close…

“Please… please daddy...” you whined, begging pathetically and unable to arrange your words or your thoughts any better. “Please…”

Finally, your body betrayed you and you came all over his cock without any warning. You squirmed and moaned incessantly as the pleasure washed over you. Seb didn’t slow down, he kept pounding into you as your eyes rolled back and you moaned out loud as you came. 

You whimpered at how he kept slamming into you even after you came, and your face burned as you felt the knot forming again right at your core. He fucked you relentlessly; not even stopping for a second. He panted and groaned at how good you felt around him; wet and warm all for him. Your walls clenched around him violently and your body arched off the couch. You felt your second release approaching while you recovered from the first one. 

“Look at me,” he mumbled as he noticed your eyes were closing. You fought the need to shut your eyes and stared into his blue ones. “You’re mine. My little whore,” he growled as he sped up, “My girl,” he let out a grunt, “Mine. You hear me?” 

You nodded. Your body trembled as you came again; gushing out around his cock while he still pounded relentlessly into you as he felt your walls clench around him, milking him perfectly and triggering his orgasm. 

Seb came right after you did; groaning and swearing under his breath. He pulled his cock out of you and looked down at the lovely mess you were; his cum dripping out of you. He gently reached down to touch your sensitive and throbbing core, it was wet everywhere. 

He didn’t hesitate before shoving two fingers inside you again. “Just gonna finger my cum back into your greedy cunt. And you’re gonna let me, won't you? You little slut…” he whispered. You moaned at how sensitive you were; you’re body shuddering under him. “You’ll take whatever I give you, huh?” he whispered before he leaned down to kiss your open mouth again. His tongue invaded your mouth like he owned it while he fingered you. 

You were a mess as he fingered you faster, and faster until you came all over his fingers again. You could barely keep your eyes open as Seb pulled your naked body onto his lap. You had missed his warmth so you instinctively clinged to him, wrapping your arms around his shoulders and pushing your face into his neck.

You didn’t mean to cry, but you couldn’t help it. Everything was too much, you felt overwhelmed. Seb’s heart broke at the sound of your quiet sobs. He had been rough, more  than usual, and quite mean too… He was aware of that. 

He stroked your bare back gently, tightening his arms around you. “Are you okay, babygirl?” He asked. You didn’t answer. “Baby?” he whispered again, softly. You didn’t respond, instead you sniffled again as you tried your hardest to fight back your tears but they fell anyways. 

“Baby, I’m so sorry.” He spoke again, his voice a stark contrast to what it was just a minute ago. He was gentle now, soft. He was apologizing for everything. 

“You left me.” You finally spoke, voice strained and tired. You sobbed softly, still holding him tightly, “You’re so mean.” 

His heart broke a little more. Once he was done with you, you could’ve easily left and asked him to never show his face around here again, but you didn’t. You needed him as much as he needed you. You stayed because you had no one else, and you needed to be held and taken care of.

“I’m sorry baby. I’ve been away for a long time. I know.” He apologized.

You sniffled again. “Still. You were so mean.” You spoke, pulling away to look at him with tears in your eyes.

He wiped your tears away and pulled you into him. “I lost my mind when I saw you with that guy. You’re mine and you know that. But you still let someone else put their dirty hands on you. How could you, baby?” He was calmer now. 

“I didn’t wanna do it.” you said, pulling away from him to look into his eyes. His eyes were soft and deep; it only reminded you of how much you loved him. 

He was confused by your words. “Do what?” he asked, gently running his hands up and down your sides lovingly. 

You wiped some more tears away and took a deep breath. “I didn’t want to perform for anyone else. But I was running out of money, and the rent was due.” You finally confessed. 

“You could’ve just told me that, baby.” he said, sounding more caring than you wanted him to.

You almost chuckled. “You weren’t here. You were gone for weeks, Seb. Besides, that’s my problem, not yours.” You made it clear. But he didn’t like that.

He reached out to grab your face, making sure he has your undivided attention. “You are mine. All your troubles are mine, okay? You don’t have to worry about a thing from now on. I’ll take care of you, and everything else. I’ll make it up to you, I promise. But please forgive me. I never wanted to hurt you.” 

Of course you’d forgive him. But just for the hell of it, you said, “No.” and avoided his eyes. Seb sighed, knowing you’d come around eventually. He had you back now and that was all that mattered. 

He took his suit jacket and put it around you to shelter you from the cold air. “You don’t have to worry, you’re never gonna work in this club again.”

You knew that possessive, slightly arrogant tone of his, and it only entailed surprises. “What do you mean?” You questioned further

“I’m buying it. You can run it.” He spoke as if it were nothing at all. He had been thinking about this for a while now. 

You were shocked. “Seb, what-”

He cut you off, pulling you closer to kiss your forehead. “You heard what I said, baby.” He mumbled against your skin. 

“Why?” You questioned, looking down at how you straddled his lap. 

“Because I want you all to myself. I want you to be with me.”

You scoffed. “This is how you ask girls out?”

He looked at you and smiled. “Not girls, just you.” He caressed your tear stained cheek lazily. His heart fluttered as he looked at you, he loved you so much. He could find better ways to show it though. 

After talking about it, after he constantly apologized for his previous behavior and a few playful banters later, he got up and offered you his hand to take. 

“Where are we going?” you asked.

“Home.” he replied.

“Your home?”

“Our home.” he corrected you. “You’re coming to live with me. I’ve been far from you for too long and I’m done hiding what I feel for you.” You began to say something but he spoke up again before you could say a word. “And I won’t take no for an answer.” 

You smirked. “Why? Haven’t you had your fill just now?” you teased. 

“I have.” He answered as you took his hand and stood up. “But every king needs his queen by his side. And I need you. I’ll keep you safe and happy, and I’ll love you. Forever.”

You gave him a teary smile. “You never told me what suddenly brought you back after three weeks.”

He smiled and pressed his lips against yours, whispering, “You know I can’t stay away from you, babygirl.” 

[logsfm]

hey my loves   !   i’m mia  ,  21 from the east coast   !   i have not roleplayed in sheeeesh   ...   like five or six months   ?   but i am so excited to be here for opening with all of y’all   .   i spent like all morning trying to weed out this gal logan right here   ...   she’s a trip   ,   that’s the best overall description i have for ya   .   anywho   ,  lets get to the actual thing you’re here for her lil intro   .   also if you wanna mssg on discord here ya go   𝐤𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐯𝐬 𝖜𝖍𝖔𝖗𝖊#7040   .

logan samara-de jaager was spotted in the fashion district adorning  air force 1’s university blue  , with some airpod pros on . they’re most likely listening to  benz i know by kelvyn colt  . you may know them as  @delogan  or as that  bella hadid  lookalike . their  twenty fourth  birthday just passed . while living in  the upper east side  , they’ve gained a bit of a reputation . they’re known to be  querulous  but on the other hand  passionate  . wonder if they’ll be the next person to hit the headlines . ( cisfemale / she/her +  mia / twenty one / she/her ) + ( “ logan de jaager seen shoving ex in hotel footage during heated argument , not so sweet huh? ” / “ miss de jaager was spotted sneaking into ex beau’s apartment , what could she be up to? ” / “ sweet socialite or greedy trust fund baby ? milan de jaager publicly accuses daughter logan of stealing $1M … ” )

born into the true lap of luxury . the daughter of real estate magnate & high - profile attorney milan de jaager and his wife , british born socialite lana samara . the two of them held high favor within the 1% but were also able to find a perfect balance . they did a great job of separating personal life from the tabloids . it was rare to really know the happenings of their day to day . they had this particular kind of mystery to them , if you will .

it wasn’t long before lana began to instill the very same rhetoric she received as a child into her own   .   quality over quantity   ,   was the motto   .   just not in the way you’d assume   .   the quality at which a de jaager presented themselves to you was much more important than than quantity of time you spent with them   .   looks   ?   they’re everything   ,   in the de jaager household   .   time was simply a societal construct implemented to catch you on a bad day   ,   for that very line of thinking they embodied being late   .   rushing out of the house to finish your make up in the car   ?   a literal sin in the eyes of her mother   .

she was encouraged to take part in ballet and beauty pageants growing up   .   anything that could showcase how beautiful their daughter was lana and milan were on board for   .   personally logan hated ballet but she couldn’t deny she loved the applause the night of a showcase   .   she also couldn’t stand pageants but loved having all eyes on her as she went on stage   .

it became quite clear as the years went on that her parents were much more like close friends to their daughter than like rule - instilling guardians   .   she would text them to dismiss her from school   ,   get them to buy her   &   her friends alcohol for sleepovers  /  parties   ,   was very much so that kid who got high with her parents   .   really anything you could do with your friends   ?   was fair game with logan   &   her folks   .

at sixteen a friend of her moms who was going to be a designer for spring fashion week that year asked if logan would want to walk for him   .   she was quick to accept the offer and before she knew it she had multiple offers to walk in that years fall fashion weeks   ,   because of how easy it came to her   -    though   ,    she’s the first to admit she never really took modeling all that seriously   .

it was just a year later that her way of life changed drastically , logan and her twin brother had been caught by paparazzi on a friends boat in the hamptons snorting a white substance , anyone with eyes knew exactly what the group of teenagers were doing . upon returning home the two received the crackdown of the century . their once friendly parents turned to strict jail like guardians . often reminded that they put the families reputation at stake . the pressure to be perfect was something logan had never had to deal with until now & she almost cracked under the pressure at every turn .

it wasn’t until she left for college that she was finally given some room to breathe , attending the university of florida was the best choice for what logan truly wanted to do with her life - become a sports analyst . growing up she was infatuated with sports & and would have been involved in much more than just cheerleading had her mom allowed for her to get so much as a speck of dirt on her . during her time in florida the paparazzi seemed to find her more often than not , something her parents often denounced both over the phone & in public . the longer she spent away from the upper east side the more she became america’s sweetheart & simultaneously a thorn in her parents side . she graduated from university in 2018 , only returning back to new york for the sake of work . she’d been offered a reporting job with espn , on top of taking up modeling gigs here & there when ever she felt necessary .

personality …

one thing is very true about the de jaager’s & is very much so the same for logan ; she is not to be trusted . she can be extremely charming when she wants to be . she could sell a bag of rocks to a beach & get a princess to sell her sole to sex work . she knows exactly what people want to hear & when they want to hear it and has no qualms about lying straight to someone’s face if it means she gets something out of it . in fact sometimes , she might lie to your face just for the sheer fun of being able to call you gullible .

she’s very much so a spoiled brat although she hates when anyone call her one , she feels like she has more layers to her than that broad term . hand in hand with that is her drama queen like tendencies , any situation were there is a simple solution she will find a way to blow vastly out of portion .

due to her mother’s heavy influence growing up , she can be rather vein & materialistic . catch her like “ i can’t date a garbage person ” to someone simply because they’re not as rich or known enough for her liking .

it’s rare that you’ll ever see her jump out of character . she’s very calculated & aware of who she is ( or who she needs to seem like ) so if you ever see her emotions getting the better of her , you’ve really broken her .

she’s the type to dabble in a little bit of anything   ?   she’s a rich nyc party girl who’s been partying well before anyone should have allowed her to so she’s done it all   .    you’d be kidding yourself to think you could surprise  /  scare logan on a wild night out   .

she’s quick   &   creative with her sense of humor   .   she has both a crude / dry sense of humor   ,   as well   ,   and really just doesn’t find goofy things to be funny but more or less embarrassing   ( so if she ever tells you you’re goofy , remember it’s not a compliment ) .

her upbringing   &   parents sentiment on tabloids once reflected massively on logan   ,   but now she couldn’t quite care less about it all . after all she spends hours in front of cameras on a regular basis for work . although she does tend to shy away from people who she deems are hungry for fame or attention   .   she’s been used in the past for fame   &   will never let it happen again   , plus she’s the type to lap up attention so she likes to have as little fame whores around her as possible , more shine for her .

when she isn’t being a total nightmare though she’s actually really fun to be around ? she’s playful & loves to keep the party alive . often can be found claiming “ i’m high on life ” although everyone saw the pictures , logan , we know what you’re really high on , girl .

very chatty girl , too . victim of foot - in - mouth syndrome , big time . she doesn’t try to be disloyal & spill people’s secrets ( or does she ? ) but she can’t help herself . if she has piping hot tea she’s gonna spill it because she doesn’t wanna burn herself .

very observant girl , who loves to people watch but her observations can sometimes get muddled when she starts judging people a little too hardcore .

she’s also a undercover couch potato    &    by that i mean if you give her an option to go out   &   do something she’ll never outwardly choose to stay home to watch netflix and snuggle up under the blankets but secretly she’s hoping   &   praying she gets a chance to do so   .

plots   ...

END THIS ( L.O.V.E ) / her first love   .   these two brought the absolute worst out of one another   .    they messed her up so much that she has a weird perspective on what love between two s/o’s should even feel like now   .   maybe they had another s/o at the same time as her   &   kinda just strung her on   &   when it came out were able to lie so much to her that she believed them   .   idk   ,   in truth we could really plot something completely different as to what they did   &   inevitably what the breaking point was   .   maybe they broke up with her   &   had they not ended it maybe she would’ve still been okay with being in the relationship   .   idk i just feel like this one could be fun as hell   .     also they’d be the one whom she was caught arguing with in one of her headlines   .   ( 0 / 1 )

AFTER PARTY / this is a more reckless take of party buddies   .   im envisioning a group of people who when the parties over they all pull up to close by gulf course   ,   indulge even more in their choices of substance   ,   there is a naked gulf tournament going on   ,   there are drunks driving golf carts   ,   swerving and pouring bacardi all over the course   .   running from security when they pop up   .   it’s tradition at this point   &   if someone doesn’t come it’s almost disrespectful at this point   .   idk i just love the thought of this kinda vibe   .   ( 2 / ? )

SECRETS / okay so this one is messy   .   basically logan was very private for most of her life   (   thanks mom   &   dad   )   and during the early stages of highschool she lied to everyone saying she was a virgin   .   she told each one of these individuals that they were her first whether it be to make them fall for her   “   innocence   ”   ,   want to chase after her   ,   or whatever else we might be able to plot out   .   inevitably they compare notes at some point and find out that she’d been lying to them all   .   we can plot out how they confronted her i feel like we could make this real dramatic though   .   this would also be a backstory plot so   ,   we  can also plot out how things have transpired since for them   .   ( 0 / 3 or 4 )

BEST FRIEND / these two girls take best friends to the next level   .   they relate to one another on every level and are there for one another at all times   .   there is never a moment where they are competing with one another because they know that their #1 in there respective category   .   they are one another’s ultimate hype beasts   .   they truly embody chaotic goddess vibes   .   it’s like they were placed on this earth simply to be friends because they compliment one another that well   .   ( 0 / 1 )

LETS FALL IN LOVE FOR THE NIGHT / they are the one that’s there whenever she’s down   .   they have the ability to make her feel like they have some sort of old love whenever she’s around them   .   those feelings only last for the night though   .   they enjoy when she rambles on about sports or the novel she just recently read or really just anything she enjoys can put a smile on their face   .    they know better than to ever confuse what is going on between them though   ,   they know that she’ll never be theirs   .   whether they’re okay with this or not we can definitely plot out   .   ( 0 / 1 )

MOANA / they are not a fan of logan   .   they see her for what she is   :   an attention seeking   ,    spoiled brat and the fact that they don’t want anything to do with her makes her want them all the more   .    when they finally slept with her it was only to prove a point to her s/o at the time   ,   to prove that she’s not the sweet girlfriend she claimed to be   .   basically they’re the person who outed her for being a ho ho ho but despite knowing that they outed her for that she still tries to hook up with them because they were the best she ever had    .   they often turn her down but after a while not even they can deny that they’re attracted to her   .   they still don’t fuck with her though   .   also i think it’d be cool if their were two of them   &   maybe they worked together to out her to her s/o that didn’t believe she was a cheater   ( 0 / 2 )   also bring the s/o that they outed her to   ( 0 / 1 )

ELEVEN / the type of relationship that is stuck in the grey area   .   they’re more than friends but they don’t necessarily admit to having feelings for one another   .   honestly they probably don’t even think they have feelings for one another   .   it’s a weird dynamic   .   they spend the most of their time together late at night   .   there meeting time    ?   11pm   .    they go on wild joy rides to the beach   .   heads out of the sun roof as they let out a loud woo   .    the only thing accompanying them is a big bag of weed   .    sometimes they have deep talks   ,   honestly they probably know more about one another than anyone else   ?   because of these adventurous of theirs   .   when they aren’t having deep talks they’re running across the beach aimlessly   &   rolling around in the sand with one another   .   it’s really just a very pure plot that i need in my life   .  ( 0 / 1 )

TRUST NOBODY / this is someone who used logan for fame / attention   .   they either became close friends or even started dating   &   they used everything they learned about her or what went on between them to relay back to a tabloid / would call paparazzi to come and take pictures of them together whenever they’d go out   .   ( 0 / 1 )

some other plot ideas i’d love to see   :   x   ,   x   ,   x   ,   x   ,   x   ,   x   ,   x   ,   x   ,   x   ,   x   ,   x   .

[escxpiism]

( olivia holt, 23, she/her ) * hey, i’m looking for the office of ALICE ADAMS. they’re the EMPLOYEE who’s known around the office as THE MASK if that helps ? not to be a gossip, but i’ve heard that they’re ADAPTABLE but JADED, is that true ? i also heard that they’re the one who CATFISHED DAVID HASSELHOFF. anyways, here’s the coffee they ordered.

hi y’all !! i’m may ( 21 // est // she/her ) and i am super super pumped to be here !! i’m also very much writing this against my better judgment ya girl’s running on four hours of sleep and has the option to sleep more but......... is not tired ?? so i do apologize if my mind is secretly tired and makes this intro,,,, even worse than it would be fahouedn. on with the show !! anyway anyway!! feel free to like this if u wld like 2 plot and i will hit u up!!

( also, for some vibes if you so choose to read, here’s the link to her playlist ! )

----------------------------------------------------

QUICK FACTS:

full name: alice audrey adams

date of birth: october 26th, 1997

*will not perfectly reflect the zodiac big three below because that’s.... math.

zodiac big three: scorpio sun, virgo moon, taurus rising

gender & pronouns: cis woman & she/her

sexual orientation: bisexual

education: ged, bachelor’s degree in film — pratt institute

enneagram: 4w3

mbti: enfp

temperament: sanguine-melancholic

label: the mask

various inspirations: “nutshell” - alice in chains, “santa monica” - everclear, “polly” - nirvana, “jennifer’s body” - hole, “creep” - stone temple pilots, kate wallis ( cruel summer - shhhh ), heather davis ( crazy ex-girlfriend ), satana hellstrom ( marvel comics ), bojack horseman - without the amount of problematic ego ( bojack horseman ), eddie huang ( fresh off the boat ), the great britney spears evolution ( temporarily stopping at circus era )

BACKSTORY:

triggers in order: toxic family dynamic, grooming (nothing super in-depth), kidnapping (? like it was ‘willing’ but no. see next trigger for why), toxic “relationship” (and 11yr age gap w/ a 16y/o we hate it), straight-up captivity, very brief mention of suicide + heroin (very!)

*would like to quickly preface that this isn’t just Dark for the sake of being r/im14andthisisdeep but that’s for a later time **(also! i have markers for where the grooming + Super Dark parts begin and end! -- also, the Super Dark part is all very public knowledge. had articles. media frenzy. first thing that comes up if you google her name) *** also. if u need it then a tl;dr is below this section hfkldsa

alice audrey adams was born to the type of family that names all of their children alliterative names ( however, they sadly didn’t get their own kardashian-style show )... alexis adams (working name, utp if taken as a wc)... alfie allison adams (working name, utp if taken as a wc)... born to anna adams and allen adams... we hate it here.

as u can see... all of the kids were basically named after allen... they all had ‘al’ names.... extremely confusing 

plot-twist: THAT’S the darkest part

the adams were very concerned with public image. as a family in the upper echelon, they simply had to be! a narcissist father, a distant mother, put in competition with her siblings — there was no truly healthy dynamic in the household. but they looked good. they went to church every sunday, a ‘wwjd’ sticker on the back of her mother’s car. they did just enough activities and took just enough trips together to get the image across. they threw parties. they attended parties. they were the picture perfect american family — they even had two cats in the yard! life used to be so hard! 

of course, in reality, this all left ms alice quite the lonely gal. but don’t worry! she didn’t turn to hedonism! lord no! instead, she turned to other people. a lot of friendships — couldn’t tell if they were real or #fortheclout — but at a point, did it matter? 

grooming tw: it all came to a screeching halt when she met luke johnson, the son of their neighbors. he came back from california to georgia to visit family, care for his ailing father. oh, he was a good man! sure, he was ‘somewhat’ older than her — 27 when she was 16 — but he was such a good, handsome young man! and they were all still calling him young man, after all. 

alice ‘began’ a torrid affair with luke after about a month into his visit. although she saw no immediate wrong in it, he insisted she keep it a secret ‘for the time being’ — which really just made it all the more exciting! he made all the storm clouds that hovered disappear.

one day, the levee broke for alice (still figuring out what exactly happened because i don’t wanna go too dark since this is already extremely dark, but trust that it had something to do with her parents and was just enough to push her over the edge). convinced luke was the only safe person, she turned to him. knowing their small community would catch on and essentially exile him, he took that opportunity to convince her to go back to santa monica with him where they could ‘start anew’ after his father’s death.

there are a few details i plan on adding regarding like. how legality playing into it. but i may just reserve those for an official bio lhakfsdfj

**BEGINNING OF SUPER DARK** for a while, there was the question of whether they should consider it a kidnapping or not. she went with him willingly, but she was still underage (and… you know, that age difference… the power dynamic... gross y’all). the adams insisted that it was (bc it basically was lbr) — primarily because it would make them look far better — but the community still questioned the logistics and legalities of it all… ugh. did the police really wanna deal with that? ugh. 

in any case, on the other side of us america, autumn was nearing. alice would have the very occasional inquiry over how school would work (very occasional! don’t worry, luke!), over the logistics of her new life… and, after receiving multiple calls from various friends (in addition to her siblings) that sounded genuine, began wondering… if she’d made the right choice. questions about him.

when she began bringing up the idea of going back — at least for the school year!! — he would continuously remind her that she was not old enough to buy herself a plane ticket (and he was not about to do that). she also couldn’t rent a car yet (and he certainly wouldn’t let her take (one of) his car(s)!). but most importantly? he loved her. and she loved him. (what a creep!)

so, for a hot second, it seemed like she was stuck. damn legalities!! damn love!! you know, until she texted her older sister back with all of the problems that only being 16... and “in love”.... caused. her sister offered to fly down, buy her a plane ticket, and fly back with her. 

when luke saw this (with all the unrestricted access to her phone he had so he could block, delete, and manipulate as he pleased), he confronted her. things went awry. she wound up in his budding wine cellar (which he soon emptied, of course… those merlots :( ….). he messaged back and, as her, said it was actually all good!! luke had figured out the logistics and she could call whenever she wanted!!

and those calls became frequent! because she would pick up when luke held it up to her! because she was pretty sure luke would kill her if she didn’t!

she wasn’t sure how long it was until she was officially Found. it took what was ruled a suicide by luke, a shot to the head and heroin in his system, to finally get any authority’s attention. all she knew was that she went to santa monica in mid june and she stopped seeing regular daylight by late july. so some time in august to some time in april… **END OF SUPER DARK + GROOMING**

she was returned to georgia shortly after and everything was different. from herself to her friends. but everything was also the same. from her room to her family. it was all… teasing. she began going to therapy, but she really sucked at it?? so she just let her therapist rely on various articles that covered the event. because it had been a media circus. good enough, amirite?? 

she didn’t have the will or patience to put on that peppy facade she’d had before, but there were still a few things she found a smidge of joy in. music (although her taste had… slightly altered and wow! it’d been almost a year since she’d picked up that bass!), videography… just those small things, you know?? 

for the first half of the ~ 2014 fall semester ~, she attempted actual school. really was not working out. with, for probably the first and only time, her parents’ approval and understanding, she dropped out and studied for a ged -- shorter and self-led -- instead. 

she passed with a pretty decent grade... but it’s been argued that she really shouldn’t have gotten into pratt institute (she was at least realistic and didn’t apply to, like… cornell), but she did. national news helps. 

while in the concrete jungle where dreams are made of, she learned of masters. she submitted an application as a joke — because her grades sucked!!!!! — but guess who got a job?? oh, she could pretend it was because her selected portfolio was actually genuinely good… but, man… we all know…

fun fact: my uncle applied to harvard as a joke. some twenty-five years later, we still haven’t heard back :\

she… continues to suck. like… she kinda wants the place to eventually burn down?? figuratively speaking (or is it…) but ya, for all the monopolizing she has seen turn people Evil?? but the hell can she do about it… just gotta make sure she keeps her in-house videographer job… maybe she can do something about it when she like… is capable. fuaihoelwdjkn

she sees an in-house therapist and i’d say ‘good for her,’ but it was mandated l m a o 

doesn’t talk about herself all that much!! but that might not matter for some people, yk?? ugh journalism <3 

y’all im so bad at ending intros.

TL;DR:

(consult above trigger list): bright kid in a super rich and toxic family because obviously. everything they did was just to look good <3 also they all had ‘a’ names which is the biggest tragedy of all :( ‘fell in love’ when she was 16ys/o with a 27y/o who was visiting to care for his father in his final days. had a torrid affair. creep. creep (luke) basically made her ‘fall in love.’ she thought creep was the only safe person at one point and creep was like ‘wanna go back 2 santa monica w me?’ and she was like ‘yes.’ and everyone was like ‘was this kidnapping... we cant tell....’ then he became even more possessive when she started questioning him and some logistics. when she finally found a way she could go back to georgia for a spell, he was like ‘no u can go in my wine cellar btw i will be taking all of the wine out.’ he kept her there from august to april and... only reason he didnt keep keeping her was bc he was Caught so. back to georgia where the devil went down. everything was Worse. even the things that were the same. but hey, the sob story that landed her in the news plenty of times got her into a college she shouldn’t have gotten into and gave her a leg-up in a joke application for a job at masters (in-house videographer). really bad at doing her work but like... fuck the man i guess?? 

PERSONALITY + HEADCANONS:

has no time for Fake Nice (which, as a born southerner, she’s really good at sniffing out!). has no time for arrogance. kind of makes her at odds with the nyc upper class...

on that note, still got a lil bit of some georgia twang

she lets herself indulge in various vices, but has left a previous hedonist status. weed and alcohol are still pretty common, but everything else is kept at arm’s length.

also, while on that topic, she Does Not drink wine. being trapped in a cellar... kinda makes u averse. like. literally despises it. will go on autopilot and make it KNOWN if offered wine.

also ALSO while on that topic, after looking it up and seeing she fits the new york city requirements, she has a medical marijuana card <3 the one good thing, if u ask her, to come out of therapy/psychiatry <3 will not show it off unless absolutely NECESSARY bc then it gets personal or <3 will lie about why and say it’s like for epilepsy or sumn unless ur rolfe but <3 she has it <3

at odds with herself. enjoys the company of others, definitely has a history of being an extrovert, but has become very selective with the company she keeps. 

VERY private person! has had enough public standing! 

...has occasionally used her story to advance her tho bc it’s her national newsworthy tragic story and she can exploit it if she wants <3

when good charlotte said “i don’t wanna be in love”?? she felt that. her last ‘relationship’ ruined that for her <3 save her <3 

used to be really into pop! bc pop is fun! she loved some britney (i mean... she still does... how can u not!)! but. her taste has changed drastically. rarely listens to pop. has traded britney for like.... hole and the like.

her parents didn’t use this as the basis for her name but,, 2 me,,, she’s named alice for a reason <3 gotta luv alice in chains <3

y’all i found a youtube comment on a video called ‘nirvana - half the man i used to be’ (the song was, in fact, ‘creep’ by stone temple pilots) and it’s <3 her music taste <3 click here for it <3

the above said, dresses like she’s in seattle in the early 90s. 

her rumor is true btw she DID catfish david hasselhoff and she will proudly tell u. it’s her best accomplishment.

completely stopped talking to her parents and got cut-off a while back ago so now she’s livin like the Prols

which is how a rich kid one of my profs once advised referred to his classmates.... hilarity ensues.

the above in mind, her parents say she’s testing the waters as a ‘normal person’ to save face. they can’t have anyone knowing their family isn’t perfect <3

she has a pet turtle whom she named “dr. turtle,” although he’s constantly referred to as “doc” or “the doc.” he has his own youtube channel and tiktok account.

she has a wall full of evidence that courtney love did not kill kurt cobain... it makes sense, believe me.

became a vegetarian...... partially because it was different from her original life and a way to control something, partially because this commercial made her feel SO BAD.

literally her default mode is stoned like... a totally sober alice is rarer than a nessie sighting

when she was 18, before she could ‘hold her liquor’ as well as she can now, she got a lil too drunk and now has a portrait tattoo of courtney love on her forearm. but it was done well at least!!

kind of ironic considering her career, but RARELY posts on any social media site except twitter. after the media circus in 2014 and All Eyes On Her, she’s just..... so tired...... of ppl seeing her face and being like ‘omg ur that wine cellar bitch!’

(drugs tw) has become more and more Addicted to playing around with fate. j chill on a ledge, talkin to some pals, but deciding it’s a good idea to swing her legs on the wrong side of ledge? totally! mixing a lot of alcohol with opioids which she is not accustomed to? DEF!! (end tw)

more to come!!

CONNECTION IDEAS:

i have two (2) queued up!! but while we wait for them to post, i’ll just… link them over here: 1, 2

muse u <3 the other half of her subplot from the main <3

her older sister!

her younger sibling!

some of the basics!! you know: close pal, roommate, drug buddies (but she gotta hit them up), fwb, ons, frenemies, enemy

ppl who recognize her from the 2014 luke johnson articles and have either brought it up or,,,,,,, act Awkward™

cld be fun 2 just have like. a jam bud. someone who plays any instrument and they j. jam sometimes.

ppl she sells. some of her medical marijuana to. bc yk what weed may be legal in nyc now but,,,, she’s still found a way to be broke she will accept anything. and also it just became legalized THIS YEAR so!!

i have a budding wc page @ https://escxpiism.tumblr.com/wcs (and when i say budding, i MEAN budding) so feel free 2 check it out!!

more to come!!

[palimpsessed]

So @captain-aralias​ did one of these and invited other writers to do the same. And I wasn't really going to because it feels a bit late now and also I've done quite a few other year in review posts for 2020. But then I got to thinking that it would be really nice to have one of these for each year to look back on and compare, which convinced me. So, here we go!

If you’re a writer, I’d also encourage you to steal this. Tag me on your post so I can see your thoughts! 🥰

List of Complete Fics for 2020 1. At the Top of a Tower, With You- General, 900 words 2. Use Your Words- Teen, 16k 3. A Man of Letters, or Five Times Baz Retreats and the One Time He Doesn’t- Teen, 54k 4. To the Manor Borne- Teen, 43k

Total: 4 fics, 113k words

Every one of these fics was written for an event, which, realistically, is the only reason they got finished. I have so many ideas I'm working on all at once, and I came into fandom with a focus on making art, so to actually find the motivation to sit down and write/finish/post a fic was entirely deadline based. And it's a technique I'm sure I will also employ in 2021.

Best/Worst Title?

Well, I've mentioned a few times before that I usually have a title before I have much in the way of a fic concept. I don't really dislike any of the my titles, because they all did exactly what I needed them to do, which was help me focus on what I wanted to accomplish in the fic. Comparatively speaking, though, I can answer this.

Best: Use Your Words - succinct, idiomatic, a book quote/motif that also has the potential to be a spell, does what it says on the tin, is probably what all of us are constantly yelling at Baz and Simon to do throughout the books and the fic itself

(Honorable mention to A Man of Letters because that title forms a perfect heart shape when viewed on mobile on AO3. ❤️)

Worst: At the Top of a Tower, With You - this is also a quote and it fits the fic perfectly, but it is a bit of a mouthful and it has a comma in the middle of it, which, while I love commas, feels a bit off-putting in terms of a title - also, it's always kind of bothered me that it's a Baz WS quote used for a CO-era Lucy POV

Best/worst summary?

Again, I don't really dislike any of my summaries.

Best:

To the Manor Borne: The gang decides to spend Christmas together at Pitch Manor. Romance, hijinks, and holiday cheer ensue.

Anything that lets me use the word hijinks is always good! - it's short and sweet - it does a fair job of setting up the premise for the fic and giving highlights, without giving anything away

Worst: A Man of Letters

I'm not going to include this one because it's so long, I had to cut down the version I posted on tumblr to fit in the AO3 field, which is really why I rank it below my others - it effectively sets up the world of Simon and Baz in Regency England prior to where the story starts, but it is prohibitively long - and it's set up, not summary, so it also loses points for not doing what it purports to do - I could have said exactly what this fic was in one sentence: "Simon and Baz meet at several Regency-appropriate venues over the course of a London season and reflect on their acquaintance in letters", but instead I did the full book jacket version because it was more interesting to me.

Best/Worst First Line?

Oh, this is interesting. I can honestly say that I have no idea where this will go. Going to pull up my docs and find out! Okay, since I only have four fics to consider, and I'm feeling split, I'm going to do two for each. I feel good about my words, but I will say that half of my first lines actually provide information, and the other half are incomplete thoughts. Those were stylistic decisions I made, but when taken alone, it does somewhat limit the effectivness of a sentence when it can't stand without the rest of the paragraph. Perhaps that decision will lure readers in for more?

Best:

In the end, we wind up at Pitch Manor. (To the Manor Borne)

I know that you won't be surprised when I tell you that I do not like writing letters. (A Man of Letters)

Kind of interesting that these both contain key words from the titles 🤔

Worst:

I'm not sure how I'm supposed to do this. (Use Your Words)

I love how the title seems to be answering Baz's question when the two are put together like this 😂

Strange that it should end here, where it all started. (At the Top of a Tower, With You)

The title also seems to complete the first line in this one, too. I'm learning about my writing as this goes on, so that's cool!

Best/Worst Last Line?

Hmm. Okay, again, no idea. Also, a little leery of including last lines for anyone who hasn't read the fics they're from yet. (Tho I guess it's unlikely those people would be reading this😆) But let's see what we've got.

Use Your Words and A Man of Letters have very similar final lines, and both are somewhat spoilery.

Best: The ending of A Man of Letters felt risky to me, in the way that it is formatted and changes tone from the rest of the story. It was something that happened as I wrote it and I loved it. I had no idea if readers would like it, if they would feel like it worked as an ending, but I felt strongly enough about it to let the entire fic hinge on that and I think it really paid off. So, without giving you the actual last line, which is only one word, I'm going to say that one is my best ending.

Worst:

To the Manor Borne: "Carry on, Simon."

It's not bad, it's just not mine.

Looking back, did you write more fics than you thought you would this year, fewer than you thought, or about what you predicted?

I did not set out to write any fics in 2020. I was supposed to be taking a break from writing. I've been an aspiring novelist for half my life now, and have been going through major ups and downs with my writing. I decided I needed to re-evaluate and figure out if writing was something that was even going to be able to make me happy anymore. The answer is: YES! Just…not original fiction. At the moment. I'm happiest when I can write for the sake of writing and not have to DO something with that writing. Which is why discovering fan fiction was AMAZING!!!! 🥰🥰🥰

To actually answer the question, yes, I wrote more than I thought I would. I also wrote exactly as much as I thought I would, simply because these were all things I signed up for (with the exception of my Countdown fic, but I committed to it as if it were something that required a sign up).

I have a lot more ideas for 2021, but I don't know how many of them will come to fruition. I'm not putting pressure on myself to have to do anything beyond what I sign up for again, because it did work out so well for me starting off.

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted last year?

I mean, the pairing and the fandom were in no way a surprise. 😆 They're my only ones, so those were both a given. The genre is also not surprising.

What's your favorite story this year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you the happiest?

A Man of Letters, without any hesitation. I adore it so much. It's the kind of fic I know I will unabashedly sit down to read over and over, even if I'm the one who wrote it. I had one reader to please and it was ME. By far, my most self-indulgent fic.

Okay, NOW your most popular story?

That depends on the metric.

To the Manor Borne leads in Comments (107), Kudos (153), and Hits (1992), and Use Your Words leads in Bookmarks (26).

But since To the Manor Borne is top in 3 out of 4 metrics, I'll say that one.

Story most upderappreciated by the universe?

I mean, the least popular by a wide margin is At the Top of a Tower, With You, but I don't know if I'd call it underappreciated. It's short, it's angsty, it's got a very unusual style, it's Lucy POV, it's the first fic I wrote and posted. I didn't really go into it with high performance expectations. I'm proud of it, I just didn't expect it to be popular. It would be nice if more people read it, but I'm not broken up over it.

Story that could have been better?

I'm not even going to touch this one. Everything can always be improved upon, but if I go down that route, nothing will ever be done. This is one of the things I have come to appreciate about traditional art versus digital. With traditional, there is only so much you can do before something is permanent and you have to live with it. It's an exercise in letting go and acceptance. Digital is flashier and more flexible, but I could (and have) spend months on a single piece and never feel satisfied, never stop tweaking. I think that's also the reason I started to hate my novels.

Sexiest story?

Based purely on overall vibes, I find the understated tension of the Regency the most appealing, so I'm going to say A Man of Letters. I didn't actually stray into sex territory in any of my fics (though Simon and Baz have had sex by the time To the Manor Borne starts, and refer to it, and probably do it "offscreen"), but A Man of Letters is the one that feels sexiest to me. Lots of thirsting!Baz and feral!Simon and sensual hand touching (how risqué!) - and YEARNING. That, to me, is the sexiest vibe of all. So. Much. Yearning.

Saddest story?

At the Top of a Tower, With You - for this one, I tagged "angst without plot" and I stand by that. It's Lucy losing her connection to Simon at the end of CO and trying to find a way to reconcile herself to leaving him alone again. I gave it as much of a hopeful bent as I could, with the refrain of Baz's spoken "love" to cling to, but it's very sad.

Most fun?

To the Manor Borne - All of my fics have their fair share of angst, but this one also has some good, silly, holiday fluff thrown in. Since I wrote it for the Countdown, each chapter was based on a different prompt, which led to this one going in all sorts of directions no single fic probably ever should. Plus, it has the most Shepard, and Shepard always makes things more fun.

Story with the single sweetest moment?

Oh my god. I don't know. No, never mind. I do. It's To the Manor Borne, but it's split between the two gift giving scenes, the Constellations and Secret Santa/Gift Giving prompts. These were private moments between Simon and Baz, sharing themselves with each other, being vulnerable, and communicating. It's the gifts they give each other, yes, but it's more so the reasons they chose those gifts, and how they show part of themselves and share their love for each other, through those gifts, that had me in tears writing those two scenes. I'm super proud of them.

Hardest story to write?

Use Your Words - it was written for an exchange and that made it really hard to write it knowing there was this pressure of making my gift-ee happy with the fic. I'm proud of it, and they really liked it, but the anxiety was too much for me.

Easiest/most fun story to write?

A Man of Letters - if there is a fic better suited to me as a writer, I haven't met it. I started writing after reading Pride and Prejudice in high school, so I started out writing Regency and I spent years and years and years of my life obsessed. When I transferred into college, an administrator I had never met before heard my name during orientation and said, "Oh, you're the Austen scholar." (It is a small, private college, and I was a transfer, so the pool of students was even smaller. But still. Many years later, I'm clearly not over it.) I also did my senior thesis on an epistolary novel (Frances Burney’s Evelina), and my English Lit emphasis was for that time period. So, I felt like I had been preparing for this fic my entire adult life. 😂

Did any stories shift your perceptions of the characters?

I don't think so. I tend to let my writing be dictated by the characters, so I'm always following their lead. Sometimes they'll do or say something that surprises me and takes me down a route I didn't necessarily foresee, but I don't think there was ever a point where one of them did something that made me rethink who they are as a character.

Most overdue story?

I will say A Man of Letters, since that one felt like a culmination of my seventeen-year-old self's wildest writing dreams. But I should probably say the Scooby Doo AU I still haven't managed to finish, because that one has been a WIP since I joined the fandom. Oops. (I'm hoping when I look over this in a year, I can feel smug that it's finally done.)

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?

Writing at all was a risk for me! And writing fan fic for the very first time! Writing an entire fic told only through letters. And then ending it in a completely different style from the rest of the fic. Doing a multi-chaptered fic for the Countdown, using a different prompt for each chapter, and publishing a chapter every single day for thirty days (with the exception of two days that had art). Signing up for fandom events in the first place!

What I learned from taking risks in my writing is the same thing I learned when I took risks in my art this year. I have a much better appreciation for what I've done when I push myself, I feel better about the end product, and I like it longer. I think it's really good for me to challenge myself creatively.

This year's theme and the story that demonstrates it most?

Oh boy. Um. Therapy! Both Use Your Words and To the Manor Borne had their big HEA moments built around sending Simon and Baz to therapy. I don't think that's likely to change for future fics, either. I feel like therapy as the theme for 2020 seems very fitting. (Also, I think I keep sending the boys to therapy because I'm trying to get myself there…)

What are your fic writing goals for next year?

Just to write what I want to write, have fun, not put any pressure on myself, and to take risks in my writing and my art because it will help me to grow.

[goldenkookietae]

Cosy Creams | JJK

BTS one shot

Pairing: Colleague!Jungkook x reader

Word count: 4,173 words

Warnings: Fluff, cute

Summary:  It’s your first time on a date with your office colleague / crush and you are beyond nervous. When a dashing Jungkook turns up at your door, you could never have imagined an exhilarating ride and a delicious treat for the sweet tooth you’ve got.

A/N: I don’t know if I’m allowed to say this, but I really really liked this one while writing it. And I am defo going to write more parts. This Jungkook is just too boyfriend material.

Disclaimer: This story is an AU fanfiction that I have created using the names of the members of BTS. I do not claim any ownership over the members of BTS. The plot and the personalities of the characters are entirely my own.

Do not plagiarize my work and do not repost.

*

Moodboard

*I do not claim ownership over any of the pictures. They are credited to their original owners.

She leaned closer to the mirror, as she struggled to get her eyeliner perfectly. It wasn’t every day that Y/N decided to glam up for a night out. But this wasn’t just one of those regular weekend parties that she was reluctantly dragged to by her best friend. This one she had agreed to on her own, perhaps even suggested it. As if the effort coming from her side hadn’t already been enough, for the first time in so many years, she had actually wanted to dress up.

It wasn’t as though the date was fancy. He had asked her to dress up casually and she was more than thankful that he’d suggested that. But that didn’t necessarily mean that she was going to go make up free. Just casual make up would do. That included BB, mascara, eyeliner and some light lip gloss. Nothing too special.

“Crap! There goes my seventh attempt at symmetrical eyeliner. Just why do we have to put this shit on?” she cursed.

“Sweetheart, you know you have the choice of totally skipping it, don’t you?” her best friend leaned against her door frame, a box of strawberries in his hand while he bit into one.

“Thanks a lot Hoseok, that’s making me feel so much better.” She huffed before setting down the stick and slumping onto the bed with her typical eye roll.

“Now, there there, kid. You don’t have to get so down about it. I can help you put it on.” Hoseok smiled as he pat her head, loving the way her eyes lit up.

“But I don’t see the point in it because you’ll look like Winnie the pooh either way.” He laughed, also loving the frown she gave him.

“I hate you.” She muttered laying back on the soft sheets and staring up at the ceiling.

“Nothing ever works out with any crush of mine. Not even eyeliner. What has my life become?” Y/N sighed as she extended her hand upward and then dropped it down onto her stomach.

Hoseok chuckled at his little drama queen for a best friend. “Come on now, you didn’t really expect anything out of your crush over Scarlett Johansson, did you?”

“It still broke my heart.” Y/N replied in the same gloomy tone.

Hoseok simply grinned before he caught her arms tight and pulled her into a sitting position.

“Now let’s get you ready for this date that’s making you this dramatic. What was his name again? Jungmin?”

“Jungkook.” Y/N snapped her eyes to Hoseok instantly, giving him a small glare. “And why’re you acting like you don’t know him, you guys are practically glued to each other all the time.”

“Awww is that making you jealous?” Hoseok cooed, pinching her cheek only for his hand to get slapped away.

“Alright I’ll stop. I’m serious now. It’s quarter to eight already.”

“Already? He’s gonna be here in fifteen minutes and I’m still a mess! Argh!” Y/N shrieked, clutching her hair with a hand.

“Sweetheart, you got nothing to worry about when your hope is right here.” Hoseok nods as he points to himself and then fixes her with an intense stare.

“Time for Mission: Jungoo Jaw Drop, now in progress.”

“It’s Jungkook.” Y/N groaned, receiving a ‘tsk’ in response as Hoseok picked up the eyeliner from where she had left it.

What could be the reason for all this drama, one might ask. She scoffed and rolled her eyes at how cliché she was being. Her mind going back to the times she would crush over the popular guys in high school. This time was no different. The only things that had changed were that, she was no longer a student, but an intern and the guy she was crushing on was a colleague from her workplace.

While she pondered over her three-month-old crush, she was snapped back to reality when Hoseok shook her shoulders.

“Y/N? The doorbell just went off, I think it’s-”

“Jungkook.” She whispered, before looking into the mirror frantically.

 “Why do you sound like aliens are out to get you? Relax, it’s just a date. He’ll be drooling all over you trust me.” Hoseok held her shoulders and in that moment Y/N felt as though he was transferring energy to her.

It wasn’t her first time going out with him, they’d hung out together multiple times before and even been alone together. However, it was the first time, they had labelled this as a date. That was what made her nervous.

“You’re right, let’s go.” Y/N huffed, marching towards the door and pausing right before as she calmed herself and slowed down. As soon as she opened the door, she could hardly keep herself from blushing and looking away under his intense gaze.

“Y/N, you look beautiful.” Jungkook muttered, biting his lower lip making her swoon. Regaining her composure, she scanned him from head to toe shamelessly, taking in his attire. Black shirt, ripped jeans hugging his figure and a red leather jacket that gave him a ragged look.

Deep in her mind, she tried to match his outfit to hers. A dark blue ruffle blouse paired with blue jeans and black coat. Not that she could find anything similar.

Surprisingly, some of her confidence came back. “You don’t look so bad yourself.” She smiled, raising an eyebrow. Jungkook grinned, “Well, I’m glad. Exactly what I was aiming for.”

They stared at each other for a while, their cheeks hurting with how much they were smiling and how much they were trying to not let that show.

“Ahem.” Both heads towards Hoseok leaning against a wall sipping what Y/N assumed was coffee.

“Hi Hyung.” Jungkook waved and Hoseok waved back. When nothing more happened, Hoseok sighed and made a shooing movement with his hand. “You both should get your asses out now.”

“Yes, right. Shall we?” Jungkook smiled, taking her hand and leading her out into the cold night. She mentally pat herself on the back for adding on a coat, learning from past experiences.

And when their ride came into view, she could feel the excitement burst through her veins. She was taken aback the first time she had seen it, having never travelled on a motorcycle before. But once she got a taste of it, she realised nothing else could bring her the same thrill. To add to that, nothing topped off riding on the motorcycle, sitting behind him, holding onto his waist and feeling the warmth pass from his torso to her body.

While she was busy reliving the feel of it, Jungkook had already mounted their sweet ride and was now grinning at her. “Hop on.” He knew she loved it.

She staggered towards him slowly, taking in how drool worthy he looked sitting there on a Harley Davidson. Her eyes slipped down to his thighs, the muscle straining against the taut material of his jeans. His sharp features made him stand out even when he wasn’t trying to. Before she could get on however, he caught her wrist and pulled her to face him.

“Here.” He pulled out the helmet resting on the handle, and fit it onto her head, clicking the buckles into place under her chin. The first time she’d refused saying it would ruin her hair. That was when Jungkook had taken it upon himself to put it on her every time she rode with him. “Safety first.” He’d said. She had never since complained.

“Now, get on.” He said, putting on his own helmet. And unlike her first time, she had now mastered the art of getting onto a motorcycle without falling down. She gripped his shoulders, feeling the muscles flex underneath and flung her leg onto the other side, lowering herself slowly onto the raised hump. Satisfied, she slipped her hands around his waist and held tight. Maybe this was one of the reasons she loved the ride so much.

Jungkook had noticed on their previous rides that Y/N never really talked much during their ride, he watched her from the mirror, her head tilted upwards a little and if he focused, he could also see her eyes closed. She just simply enjoyed the rides and it made him smile. Sometimes, late in the night, when the roads where empty, she’d take off her helmet and press her forehead to his back and he could feel her letting go of whatever stress she was going through for that moment. That made his heart soar and made him glad he’d bought the Harley.

He kept checking on her in the mirror, telling her usually to hold on tighter because there was a bump in the road or he just wanted to feel her against him and other times he stayed quiet, content with the fact that she was enjoying the ride. The fact that she only had him to take her on such rides made him want to show her more of such things. The normal parts of his life had suddenly become special because of her and he just hoped she wouldn’t ever tire of them, or him. When he spotted their destination getting closer, he sighed knowing he’d miss the feel of her holding on tight to him.

“Kavanah.” Y/N read out loud as she got off the bike, taking in the cosy vibes from the place. Jungkook was standing beside her now and she felt his hand touch her back subtly guiding her through the gates.

“This place has the best brownies you could ever find. Since you love them so much.” He stated, biting his lip at how her eyes sparkled. It wasn’t as though she had told him that, but it would be stupid to miss.

A month ago, Jungkook had joined his first job after an internship, along with seven others. Three from the bunch were interns, and he had never met them until they were all sent off to a different city for a new joiner induction training. Five days, they were together in the same hotel, walking to another hotel where the training was held and having dinner at whichever restaurant came on the way back to the hotel. Not to miss all the late nights they were out, simply walking through the quiet place or street shopping.

Every supper meal they’d had on the trip ended with ice cream and brownies at the request of Y/N. Wasn’t really hard to figure out that she loved them.

Jungkook took her hand and led her into the brightly lit place, glancing at the display of a variety of delicious cakes. Straight past the brightly lit place he led her to the end, pulling open the glass door for her and following her as she stepped out.

The place was beautiful, the entire space was open to the sky, covered in green, lit only by twinkling lights hanging on the trees and the lamps set on each table. The benches were made out of wood and every table was separated from the others by enough distance to not be overheard. A cool breeze ruffled their clothes making her shiver and Jungkook stepped in front of her holding the sides of her coat and pulling them together tighter.

The urge of taking care of her came to Jungkook so naturally he could say it was a reflex or an instinct. He often felt it was because he was older than her by about four years. At the same time, he also thought that sometimes it was an instinct to take care of and protect what was his.

Together they headed to the table and Y/N was ready to burst when he pulled out the chair for her, giving her a soft smile and heading over to sit down across her. Something about Jungkook being so gentle always amazed her. One would think he was one of those bad boys, showing her tricks on how to finish up work faster, wearing leather jackets, ripped jeans, biting lips, intense gazes and riding a bad ass motorcycle. But then, there was also him, putting a helmet on her for safety, pulling her coat tighter against the cold, holding her hand while walking on the streets, giving her soft smiles and hugs.

“You’re going to just stare at me or you’re going to order something?” Jungkook asked suddenly and that was when Y/N noticed a menu sitting on the table right under her nose. Jungkook was already looking through his and she bowed her head in embarrassment.

“Ye-, Yeah.” she stuttered opening up the menu and looking through all the colorful pictures. Y/N realised that with all the preparation she had done for this date, she had completely forgotten about feeding herself.

“Have you decided on something?” she asked him, looking up from her menu to see him flipping through the same pages over and over again.

“No. Have you?” Jungkook asked her and she nodded. She had in fact decided on a dish but there was a small complication.

“But. The problem is the serving they’re offering is too much and I won’t be able to finish it.” she blushed, her eyes slipping to the menu by instinct.

To further her embarrassment Jungkook laughed out loud and clear before shaking his head. “Baby, you don’t have to worry about that, I’ll share with you okay? Order whatever you want.” he smiled.

After a mumbled okay, Y/N placed her order and waited for Jungkook to place his, but he simply sent the waiter away.

While they waited, Jungkook asked her how she liked the new city, having only moved there three months ago. While she hadn’t really toured much owing to her work habits and the need for lazying every weekend, she could come to a conclusion that life in this new city was quite hectic. Every morning she’d have to travel an hour to reach office, while back in her quiet hometown, such time would get you to the outskirts of the city. Being new to the corporate world in a new city with new people was very nerve wracking and she was still getting used to it. Jungkook listened to her patiently and gave her hilarious reactions and she could never forget the shock on his face when she’d told him that back in her home town the maximum time one could be stuck in traffic was five minutes tops.

“No way! Are there even people in your hometown?!” He said, with his jaw hanging low and eyes the size of a bunny.

She laughed and continued with such stories and hadn’t even realised when the food was served. She was so fascinated with the way his eyes seemed to be fixed into hers, and the way he seemed so interested in just listening to her. It was when he’d raised his eyebrows and asked her, “How is it?” had she realised that he’d fed her a spoon from the dish she had ordered and was asking her how she’d liked it.

Her cheeks flushed a deep red, because of the fact that Jungkook had just fed her when she hadn’t even realised and also because she couldn’t remember what it tasted like because she was so mesmerized by the chocolate eyes she was looking at.

“It’s really good.” she muttered anyway and Jungkook gave her a knowing smile before picking up the spoon and taking a bite as well. It must’ve tasted really good as his eyes lit up and he quickly stuffed himself with another loaded spoon.

“Here.” he fed her more spoonfuls and Y/N didn’t feel awkward in the slightest. If she had thought he couldn’t be much more of a gentlemen before, she thought this was the most endearing thing that could ever happen to her. At one point she had picked up her own spoon and started feeding herself because Jungkook seemed keen on feeding her the entire thing and he looked as though he was full just by watching her.

The meal before them finished in no time and Jungkook ordered for another serving which Y/N thought might’ve have happened anyway. She knew Jungkook had a huge appetite and if she was being completely honest, she absolutely loved that fact. It was something she had gotten from her mother, cooking in huge quantities and feeling the ultimate satisfaction when people would still lick the dishes clean. In a moment of teenage fantasy, she imagined cooking for him while he watched her from across the kitchen counter.

The second serving arrived in lesser time and Y/N had to keep reminding Jungkook to eat because he was so excited in telling her about Tomorrow’s land that he wanted to visit one day.

“Yes, the party is so huge and the music is crazy! And the theme is different every year. How awesome is that? One day I’m going to save enough money to go there!” He exclaimed while Y/N nodded. She wasn’t really a huge fan of partying, but if Jungkook ever did go to this event, she wished she would too, just so she could see his eyes sparkling in excitement.

And like that they’d finished the entire meal and Y/N felt a fuzzy warmth building inside her. “Now, it’s time to satisfy the sweet tooth you’ve got.” Jungkook grinned, taking her hand and pulling her back into the brightly lit store of Kavanah. She immediately skid over to the huge display of pastries, ogling at each and failing to decide on one. A whole minute later, Jungkook nudged her shoulder and chuckled.

“Have you settled on one yet?” He asked, his eyes glancing to the display. Her eyes instantly found the mouth watering mud cake sat inside the air conditioned display and she practically drooled.

Pulling away, she tossed him a look. “Guess which one I’m thinking of getting.” she grinned. Jungkook’s eyebrows shot up in a challenge and he slowly skimmed through all the options in front of him, until his eyes found one.

“This one, the blueberry cheese cake.” He said, and Y/N couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed. She shook her head softly.

“Oh, my bad.” Jungkook chuckled before pulling out a menu from the counter. “But I do know, what you would like to have more than these.” he handed her the menu and Y/N’s eyes widened.

“Oh my god, how can I get a pastry when they have sundaes here!” she squealed and Jungkook stared at her fondly. While her order was the quickest thing ever, Jungkook noticed how she was shifting her weight from one foot to the other and he just knew that she was tired at that point.

“Hey, I’ll get this. Why don’t you go wait at the table, you left your purse there so you should be looking out for it. And I don’t want anyone stealing our seats.” He suggested, knowing she’d never agree if he told her to sit down because he knew she was tired.

As expected her eyes grew wide when realisation dawned. A few minutes after their order was placed in front of him, he had already paid and was watching Y/N waiting at their table patiently.

“Tada!” he laughed, placing the sweet delicacy right under her nose and she immediately dug in. Another thing Jungkook had noticed was that Y/N never paid attention to anything else when a brownie was involved. He watched her savour the first few bites without giving a damn about his presence and it amused him that she could enjoy her food that passionately. Even if it was in small quantities.

“You’re so adorable, it’s making me fall for you.” He whispered and she stuffed another piece of brownie and chocolate into her mouth.

Chuckling, he reached out to the dessert before it was too late. “Hey, you’re supposed to be sharing with me! Let me take a bite.” Jungkook whined before he dug into it. Apparently, when he meant a bite, it meant a whole half. And even if Y/N wanted to have more of it, she was just too full and close to bursting.

Y/N knew she was sleepy when she clutched onto Jungkook as he led her back to his bike.

“Wait a second, my bike won’t start.” Jungkook looked up at her horrified as soon as she’d touched his shoulders to get on. She immediately jolted out of the slight stupor she was in and watched him try to kick start it twice, thrice.

“Not happening, Y/N could you climb down once. I’ll try starting it up again.” Jungkook asked and she slid off the bike and took a few steps back. When he tried it again, the Harley immediately roared to life and Y/N frowned at it.

“I think I figured it out. This only happens when you’re around my bike Y/N. Maybe we should take the taxi next time but what if the tires get punctured?” Y/N slapped Jungkook’s arm as hard as she could and Jungkook burst out laughing. She knew he was talking about the cab tire going flat as soon as she got on, during their trip. Ever since, he would pull this prank on her, faking how things would stop working as soon as she touched them.

“You’re so mean.” Y/N huffed, and crossed her arms pouting.

“And you’re adorable, come here.” He pulled her closer and gave her a giant warm hug melting away her pout into a huge, shy smile.

She didn’t even complain when he took off his jacket and made her wear it because the night was becoming colder and he didn’t want her catching a cold. The roads were empty and this time she rested her head on his back. His warmth felt wonderful against her cold cheeks and she snuggled into him closer and held his waist tighter. The musky fragrance from his jacket and his shirt put her in a haze, making her take deep breaths to get more of it. If Jungkook had noticed, he hadn’t said anything and at that point she was in no control of her actions.

When she felt him coming to a stop, she looked up to see her house she and Hoseok rented together. But it was the end of the ride and she didn’t want to let go, so she tightened her grip on Jungkook.

“Baby you’re sleepy, it’s cold and late, you need to go in.” Jungkook cooed, clutching her hands around his waist and pulling them apart. If it was up to her she would’ve stayed that way the whole night, but she knew she had to let go because of a reason that she couldn’t quite remember. But she knew it was right.

With a big whine she let go of him and slid off the bike, moving to take off his jacket, but he stopped her. He brought the ends of the zipper together and zipped it up high, patting her shoulders as if admiring the fit on her. He then pulled out a paper bag and Y/N could make out the logo of the restaurant they’d just left and she wondered what it was.

Pressing it into her hand, he walked her back to the door, silently watching as she pulled out the key and opened the lock. Hoseok was already asleep she assumed or was pretending to be, because as per his words, things might go onto a different level and he wouldn’t want to walk in on them doing it.

When she got in, she turned back to Jungkook who stood at the door smiling softly at her before he pulled her in for a long hug. He nodded to the paper bag in her hand and pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead.

“I know you didn’t eat much, but in case you wake up hungry in the night, just have that okay?” He asked cupping her cheeks and bending to her height to look into her eyes. When she nodded, he pressed another kiss to her forehead and stepped outside.

“Goodnight, Y/N.” he stroked her cheek once and ushered her inside. She watched him leave from the window, sighing and pressing her nose to his jacket.

When she woke up three hours later, clutching Jungkook’s jacket, she instinctively reached over to her phone to check the time. There were also two texts from Jungkook.

Thank you for today, baby. Whatever we call this night, I want more. I had a wonderful time and I hope you did too.

She hid her face in his jacket as though shying away from Jungkook himself. That moment was cut short when her stomach grumbled and she immediately retrieved the paper bag Jungkook had given her, surprised that she’d put it in the refrigerator. What greeted her from the neatly wrapped box surprised her even more.

A slice of the mud cake.

As she bit into it, her eyes scanned his second text.

P.S.: I know you too well, I never get it wrong.

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[asherjhemmings]

( MATTHEW DADDARIO + CISMALE ) —  Have you seen ASHER HEMMINGS ? This TWENTY-EIGHT year old is a MUSIC PRODUCER who resides in BROOKLYN. HE has been living in NYC for TEN YEARS, and is known to be OUTGOING and ALLURING, but can also be ARROGANT and SELF SERVING, if you cross them.  People tend to associate them with SCATTERED SHEET MUSIC ON A MARBLE FLOOR and GOLDEN BAR CARTS LITTERED WITH EXPENSIVE LIQUOR. — ( haley, 21, she/her, triggers: eating disorders & self harm, est )

hello all !! i’m haley and i’ve been roleplaying since i was like eleven but i just came back to tumblr rp a year ago and that just so happened to be with my baby asher, so happy anniversary to him being a muse <3

i’ve boiled his bio down into some bullet points because it used to be so fuckin long and i’m sure nobody read it so here it is condensed into just the basics

basics:

name: asher julien hemmings

nicknames: ash, aj

age: 28

hometown: cambridge, ma

currently living: brooklyn, ny

education: high school diploma, degree in music production from nyu

birthday: april 13th

zodiac: aries

sexual orientation: bisexual

tattoos: ** doesn’t have a neck tattoo like alec in shadow hunters lol but he has mad tattoos, two full sleeves

aesthetic: pinterest

before nyc (tw: alcoholism, abuse, prison)

asher was what some holier than would call a miracle or what other would more harshly call an accidental pregnancy. 

his father owned a low-life club in the city, known for mistreating employees and sneaky business behind the scene. some speculated that the operation of the club was to simple launder drug money, however that is a far different story. 

his mother began working at the club around her twenty-seventh birthday and took on a position as an exotic dancer. she never quite had a set career path, often working odd jobs until it lead her to the intimidating world of stripping.

asher’s father took a liking to her, in the same way he took a liking to most females that got hired at the establishment whether it be a guest or an employee. however, unlike the other, he got her pregnant.

their relationship was toxic from the beginning. seeing as the relationship was forced for the sake of their child, they didn’t get along great. cops were constantly called to their apartment during 2am screaming matches, a lot of nights spent with one of them on the couch. but it wasn’t bad enough for one of them to leave, but it wasn’t good enough for one of them to say i love you.

asher was born on a rainy day in the spring and came into the world with a smile on his face. the nurses even joked he looked like a young frank sinatra with the way he slyly smirked. 

but the smile didn’t always stay on his face. as he grew up, he saw the repercussions of staying with someone out of convenience rather than love. while his mother fell in love with him and hand crafted her maternal instincts to excellency, his father developed a love for whisky and coming home late from work. 

despite what they once thought, a child didn’t fix things. in his father’s worsening condition, he began to get violent. it started off aggressively verbal until it matured into a far more physical act. at first it was just asher’s mother taking the brunt of the abuse. but as asher began to get older, it wasn’t uncommon for him to a victim on the lashing too. 

it wasn’t until child protective services got involved after asher in seventh grade came to school with bruises that anyone was even aware of what he was enduring. asher’s father was sentenced to twenty-five years in prison for domestic abuse & parental negligence.

the abuse had made asher timid moreso than it made him aggressive. so when he and his mother moved in with his grandparents, he was hesitant around his grandfather at first. his grandfather tried to form a relationship with him doing everything from playing board games to watching television or going mini-golfing.  nothing seemed to be able to break through asher’s timid exterior.

this was until one day his grandfather caught him plucking at the keys on their grand piano and offered to teach a young asher how to play. music was the first thing they truly bonded over and within a year, asher was playing better than most people can in a lifetime. 

once moving in with his grandparents, his mother wasn’t around much. she was always with her latest boyfriend or with her friends. asher didn’t mind though, he enjoyed cooking with his grandmother or strumming a guitar with his grandfather.

in high school, asher became a punk. he strived in all social groups due to his charisma. he excelled with the music kids, got in with the burnouts, even was cool enough to hang around with the popular kids. teachers loved him despite not being the best student. it was impossible to hate him.

his music teacher wrote him his letter of recommendation to study at nyu. he never saw himself going to college but he was excited to reinvent himself.

in nyc (tw: alcoholism)

during his years at nyu, asher began to reinvent himself. he was no long timid or the least bit shy. he was suave and slick, getting along with almost everyone he came into contact with.

unfortunately when some many people love you, after a while, it begins to get to your head.  it was no surprise to people when asher began to get arrogant and cocky about his musical abilities. but one thing he had to fake confidence with was who he was as a person.

asher didn’t like himself, hence why new york was such a turning point for him. deep down, he believed he didn’t deserve love or his success. but when he started getting praise for his music producing abilites all of that changed.

classmates were intimidated by him and professors were undoubtedly impressed with the way in which he could perfect a beat or make a hit simply experimenting. asher liked the attention, lived for the applause he’d get at the end of a presentation. the love others had for him inflated his ego but also drove him to success.

after graduating at twenty-two, asher moved to an apartment in brooklyn and immediately began interning at a record label. he didn’t necessarily like what he was doing, truly believing that he was too good to be there most days.

but even as an intern he excelled and at the age of twenty-five, he bought his own music production company that houses over twenty studio spaces for artists to record. 

in three years, not much has changed. except his bank account has quadrupled, he’s moved from a shoebox to a villa.. oh, and he’s developed a bit of a drinking problem.

drinking started off a social thing for asher. a few beers at a college party here and there seemed to be the beginning of it. then it was shots, and then getting black out at parties and not remembering much of anything. being surrounded by famous artists in his career only made this habit worse. he was drinking to wake up in the morning, in the studio, before bed and repeat. 

nobody knows much about his blossoming alcoholism but it’s quickly beginning to fester and consume him. but he’s pretty good at hiding behind the tortured artist facade.  

personality:

asher is the epitome of smiling and rolling your eyes in the same instance. he’s charming and goofy in the same line and doesn’t miss a beat.

super flirty. will flirt w u. and ur friend. and ur friend’s significant other. that’s just how he is. 

loves verbal sparring, the certified king of it

why is he always smoking a cigarette? nobody knows

can be an asshole, will most likely get you to yell at him and then laugh and tell you that you’re the one being ridiculous 

Indecisive af

a ride or die for his friends, literally would kill for a buddy

wanted connections:

ex girlfriend or boyfriend: asher’s been in nyc for ten years so he’s definitely tried to get serious ab someone by now. their relationship was for sure super toxic. let’s plot.

college roommate: someone who went to nyu and has watched asher’s success absolutely blow up. someone who pulled him drunk out of parties and threw him their dorm’s cold shower. give me disappointed friends vibes or a strained relationship !! anything !!

half-brother:  as far as asher knows, he’s an only child. his father was an alcoholic who often had affairs with the girls who worked at his clubs in boston or were in the city on business. it is no surprise that something came from his late night rendezvous. asher’s not the warmest person, especially when it comes to his negligent father. will anything come of the brothers sharing the city streets? or will they simply turn a cold shoulder to one another? 

assistant: asher is a famous music producer with his own recording studio in manhattan. he and his personal assistant spend a lot of time together. this connection is pretty open ended so asher could be their mentor if they’re musically inclined but they could also be confidants, best friends, frenemies, potential love interest, fwb, up to you!!

ride or die: this man needs to have some friends who put him in his place plz, he’s a whole ass disaster

music friends: self explanatory 

fwb/ex-flings: this man is so flirty if he hasn’t messed around w u he’s messed around w someone u know. give me angst. give me missed connections. give me unrequited. give me friendzone. give me anything. 

[angeldrcps-blog]

           ✧.° ░  come on girls...get on the floor...we just wanna have some fun !! hello !! it’s me, diana ( or di if u like ), ur resident girl group stan AKLSDHSDH i go by she/her pronouns & reside in the est timezone. i’m sooo sorry this is so late...pls plot with me anyway <3 now onto the intro !! tw: drugs, alcohol, & death mention ( nothing in like graphic detail or anything tho )

background

angelina was a product of her father’s second marriage

he was married for around 10 years to a publicist, but they split after he had an affair. they had a boy together, aka angelina’s half brother ( who is like 7 years older than her )

her father remarried to her mother in 1998, who was 22 at the time. there is a significant age gap between her parents, her father being around 35 at the time of their marriage

her mother was a huge model in the 90s, think like kate moss vibes. her father was a lawyer at a law firm famous for dealing with celebrity scandals and worked exclusively for the upper class. eventually, he would come to own this firm

their relationship was not strange to the media. it was common to see older men pictured with beautiful younger women

her mother fell in love, while her father didn’t feel the same way. he had done the whole ‘love’ thing with his first marriage. his second marriage was solely for his own selfish gain ( what i’m trying 2 say is her father was a gross guy ) 

her mother got pregnant with angelina shortly after the marriage, so she took a break from her career to have a child. most people said it was career suicide to have a baby while in the peak of her career, but her mother wanted to do the right thing. plus, she was in love. she did dream of starting a family with the man she loved one day, she just hadn’t planned it to happen while she was so young

her father wasn’t ecstatic about having another child, but there was nothing he could do. he could barely be a father to his son, unfortunately

angelina was born in february in the midst of a snow storm

her father was not there to witness her birth. he was promoted to head of his law firm and claimed there was some work thing he simply couldn’t get out of. or maybe it was another affair. at just 7 years old, even angelina’s half brother begged to come when her own father wouldn’t

due to the storm, they were snowed in for the day. even after she was born, her mother and half brother stayed in the hospital watching movies. her half brother had a great affinity to his step mother.

now that i’ve rambled on about her parents i’ll get into the important stuff. angelina can’t complain much about her childhood. it had many downs, but most of her memories were days spent with her half brother, or watching backstage as her mother walked the runway

her brother began teaching her guitar when she was just 6 years old. she fell in love instantly with music and transitioned into playing bass shortly after

her parents were not too happy about her getting into music, but they didn’t have much to say as long as it just remained a hobby

the media was obsessed with angelina and her mother. they were always pictured together wearing matching outfits. angelina was a princess and an heiress. but ultimately, her mother was more like a best friend than a mother. angelina never blamed her. she felt bad that she lost her youth because of her untimely birth

as expected, her father was rarely present. in angelina’s eyes, he was a hollow shell of a person. he never cared about her half brother the same way he didn’t care about her. he had no idea who his children were, and didn’t care enough to find out

that’s why when word of her father’s death reached her, she didn’t shed a single tear. he was found dead in his office, his cause of death being a drug overdose. no one in the family had any ideas he was a drug user. her mother was impacted heavily by his sudden death. despite the way he treated his family, she was in love with him

angelina’s mom found it hard to cope with the loss and was able to be there for angelina even less than before. all angelina had left was her brother, and it was them against the world

her brother was there for angelina as much as he could be. he never wanted to leave her on her own, but he needed to finish school and take care of business. when her father died, he was the heir to the firm

during her teen years, angelina was free to do what she wanted. with no one there to watch her, she knew she could get away with anything, as long as she could manage to stay out of the public’s eye

her passion for music grew, and she found herself doing all sorts of things with all sorts of people. she was introduced to a world of parties, drugs and alcohol, but for her that was just the beginning. she wanted more from life

eventually she began engaging in past times that put her at risk, but she had no regard for the consequences. her father’s death served as a constant reminder of how short life is, so she would do anything to make the most of it

angelina would try anything at least once. to her, experience was everything

at 17, she found her way back to her mother and told her she wanted to pursue music. her mother objected at first. she always had this dream that angelina would follow in her footsteps and pursue modeling. she had the look and the connections, it would’ve been hers for the taking

but music was her dream and her passion. her mother finally agreed, but only if angelina agreed to pursue a pop, mainstream sound. she didn’t want angelina to be associated with the image that came with some musicians, so she did everything she could to maintain angelina’s pristine image

angelina agreed, only because it was better than not pursuing music at all. she started playing shows at small venues with only a handful of fans, but eventually, the world fell in love with her as a bubblegum pop princess. she maintained the sound for a few years before deciding she could not lie to herself and her fans for any longer

she left her record label, leaving her mother and fans disappointed. the only people who expressed their support were her brother and her friends

this is where she is at now career wise, about to comeback with her new look and sound. she has no idea how the public will take it, but when the article about the brat pack dropped, her image was hurt even more. most people and critics think her comeback will kill her career, but a select few look forward to her new music

personality

angelina tends to go with the flow. she doesn’t have a very assertive personality and tends to adapt to fit a group of people, or a location. she doesn’t have a sense of self

while she values her alone time and tends to be more guarded with her emotions, she loves to be around people. she spent most of her childhood alone, so now that she has a good group of friends, she appreciates any time spent with them

she is extremelyyyy reckless. she’s never faced any consequences for her actions, so it’s thrilling to her. even if she were to get caught, she wouldn’t really care. she’s always seeking the next thrill and tries to convince other people to do stupid shit with her as well

she is an aquarius sun gemini moon. having two air placements as some of her most dominant placements has left her flighty and non-committal in most relationships. it’s not that she’s closed off to the idea of falling in love, she just needs someone to keep her on her toes. she gets bored easily

it takes a lot to make her actually angry because she gets over things fairly quickly, but there is a few fire placements somewhere in her chart that can make her a bit feisty if she gets really upset. it’s pretty rare tho

not rly personality but she’s bisexual !!!

wanted connections

party buddies - this is pretty basic and self explanatory, but someone angel can go out and have fun with. their friendship is might be more surface level, or prob started that way, but it’s possible they’re closer friends (maybe angelina opened up one day when under the influence of something

ex-fling/gf/bf - angelina is more the non-committal type so it’s more likely for her to have an ex fling than an actual ex bf or gf, but it could still have been a serious un-labeled relationship, actual bf or gf, or just an ex fling. they could be on bad terms, good terms, still have feelings, not have feelings, u name it

unrequited crush -  ur character could have feelings for angel, but maybe she doesn’t feel them back or is unaware that they like her. this could develop into her eventually having feelings for ur muse or not, whatever we want! OR she could have a crush on someone who does not like her back. maybe they’re even more non-committal than she is, or they simply do not like her back. we could plot this out however

current fling/friends w benefits - someone she is currently seeing/sleeping with. could be no strings attached, or there could b some feelings there. maybe they don’t want to make it anything serious, or maybe they’re ready to take it to the next level. maybe one person is ready to go further, and the other isn’t.

enemies w benefits - imagine the tension!!! they started out hating each other, but ended up hooking up. maybe it was a one time thing, or maybe they can’t stop going back to each other. i think it would b cool if they kept it a secret, they don’t want anyone else to know. this could develop however we want

ex-friends - someone she used to consider a close friend, but they had a falling out for whatever reason n maybe they hate each other now. maybe they want to re-kindle their friendship but don’t know how

sibling-like friendship - someone she sees like a sibling. they’re there for each other and look out for one another, always have each other’s backs

dynamic duo - could be her current best friend. this person is prob one of the closest people to her and has actually managed to break down some of her walls

confidant - someone who confides in her or someone she confides in, or they confide in each other. they don’t necessarily have to be the closest friends ever, but they get along, trust each other, and maybe they talk more in private

rivals - they hate each other for whatever reason. maybe it’s jealousy or their personalities just clash, but for whatever reason they do not get along. i love a good enemies plot. they can just b nasty to each other!!! maybe they bring out a really bad side to angelina that most ppl dont see

safe haven - *mini drug tw*  i did not know how to label this so i apologize for the name. but i think it would b cool if someone helped her out during a bad night. she typically saves herself from situations that aren’t looking too hot, and one day she couldn’t but luckily ur muse was there to help. maybe she drank too much or did too many drugs or mixed the two and ended up rly bad. either way, i would love for someone to have helped her during a rough. she would probably feel really confused and guilty and like she owes them, and also extremely grateful. maybe ur muse can manipulate her bc of it and make her do things bc she owes them, or maybe they genuinely had good intentions. i would also b down for a plot about her helping someone else out of a sticky situation!!

bad influence - i would loveeee for her to be a bad influence on someone. someone she can corrupt in a way, or just lead down a bad path akshkjhd and get them to try new, and not-so-good, things

good influence - someone to be a good influence on her. someone who brings out the best in her and tries to steer her down a better path

partner in crime - someone who does crazy, illegal shit w her. someone who is always down for the next adventure n they have crazy memories together

childhood friends - someone who knew her when she grew up. they grew up together in the media, or maybe their friendship was set up by their parents. maybe they were just friends out of their own free will, but grew apart when they grew older. the possibilities are endless!!!

[grimoiregrove]

Book Review + Interview: Complexus by Melanie Roberts

Complexus

by Melanie Roberts

Publication Date: February 12, 2019

Genre: sci-fi, young adult

Synopsis

RAYNE She wanted to go to school. She wanted to find a boy to have a crush on, and go steady with. She wanted to have friends, be a gymnast, and find out what a ‘Slushee’ is. She didn’t want them to come after her. She didn’t want to go home. She didn’t want to be a Princess anymore. She didn’t mean to fall in love with Beau McCallister. And she never meant for anyone to die. But this isn’t a fairytale, and we don’t always get what we want. BEAU There is nothing interesting worth having in Greensville, Maine. The only things he had to his name were championship swim trophies, his mom, an identical twin, and a good amount of mischief. There was a good chance that was all he was ever going to have, and he was okay with that. Until her. Until her, he never knew he was capable of loving someone so much, and hating them at the same time.

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My Review

4 Stars

I received a free copy of the book in exchange for an honest review. I love when a book can surprise me and keep me on my toes. Complexus was nothing like I expected and hooked me from page one. It has sci-fi elements with romanced woven throughout the story and even some fantasy vibes in there as well. The world and characters the author has created really connected with me early on. I found myself staying up as late as possible to simply get a few more pages in. Beau and Rayne had to be my favorite part of the story. Their relationship felt real, no overly done lovely dovey romance stuff. They weren't perfect and that made them all the more relatable. I enjoyed following them both of their points of view through the story. Getting to see it from both sides gives you so much more to take in and you get a fuller picture. I loved learning more about who (and what) Rayne is. I was taken but surprise at many turns but loved every second of it. This is my first book by Melanie and it will not be the last. She has a talent for creating stories and I hope to see many more from her in the future.

Author Interview

1) Are there any authors, genres, or works of literature that have influenced your writing? I think that everything influences us one way or another. That being said, I would think that my favorite authors and books would leave an impact on me. Jennifer L. Armentrout has written one of my favorite books series called ‘Lux’. Any fan of that series will feel at home when they take a crack at Complexus. I’m also a sucker for psychological thrillers, and Jennifer Lynn Barnes is one of my favorite YA thriller writes. Young Adult Fiction is my home, and I am loving the fast growth of the New Adult Fiction genre. Some of my other favorite authors include Katie McGary, Victoria Schwab, and Kylie Scott. 2) What is your creative process when bringing your worlds & characters to life? I would like to say that I am a super organized writer with plots written down, and flow charts, and venn diagrams, but I am none of those things. I start to feel a story poking into my mind and it plants itself like a seed. I let it grow a little bit until I have enough to know who my characters are, and what their struggle in life is. Beau was a small town bad boy that didn’t have much but his twin and his reputation. Rayne wanted a life just as simple as Beau’s, but has her hands full being a runaway alien princess. They couldn’t be more different and that’s what ties your story together. With that little bit of information, I put my pen to my paper. Handwriting my books is always my go to for the creative process. It’s always felt like the characters want to tell their stories through me, and I’m just the proxy. It’s rare that I know what is going to happen next when I’m in that flow. That also makes me editing process that much more intense! 3) What were your inspirations behind Complexus? I mentioned how much I loved J. L. Armentrout’s depiction of aliens that didn’t have green skin and funny shaped heads. That let me know that there was more to work with than we might have initially thought. When I was writing Rayne, I didn’t automatically know that I wanted her to be from another planet. That part came later. I just knew that I wanted her to be lethal, vibrant, and innocent at the same time. The combination of the three seemed magical. I am always inspired when I go to Barnes and Noble and see the readers scouring the book covers for their next adventure. It makes me want to be worthy enough to give them something that will stick with them. When people tell me that they read the book and still think about Beau and Rayne every now and then, I know I’ve done my job. 4) Is there a character from your work(s) that you feel a special connection with? I give pieces of myself to all of my main characters, but if there is one that I feel most deeply to the bone, it’s got to be Storm Angel. She was my first, and she was written based off of my own personality in a lot of ways. There are three books in that series, the first of which was published when I was a senior in high school. As awesome as that is, you can imagine how much my writing has improved since then! Seeing as how I started Storm’s series ten years ago at this point (!!!!!), I decided to give her story a face lift. I’ve started to revamp the first and second book and in that series, and I’m so pumped to share it with you guys. 5) What led you to write and later publish your first book? I started writing when Twilight became really famous. At that time it was so hard to find something that didn’t involve vampires and werewolves. I say this as a HUGE Twilight fan, but I just wanted to put something fresh on the shelves. That’s always my goal. I don’t want to give you book that you feel like you’ve read before. As I said before, you favorite stories are the ones that impact you the most, but Storm’s story is one that I am very blessed to have been able to tell. 6) Is there any advice you would like to give to writers who are just starting? I don’t care if it takes you four years to finish your first book. FINISH IT ANYWAY!! And don’t listen to anyone’s opinion that is not contributing to the success of your passion. That being said, when you do finish it (and you will!!), give it to other people to read. Let them help you fill in the potholes and spit shine it, and don’t get offended if you hear something you don’t like. If they love you, they’ll be honest with you. Lastly, find your own writing style. Don’t try and write like your favorite authors, or writing a certain way because you think it’ll sell more books. Write what’s in your heart, and it’ll always be good enough.

About the Author

I live in Florida with my husband, and an undying need for more furry pets. I have a Master's degree in Mental Health Counseling at the University of South Florida with a focus in Marriage and Family Therapy. A (sometimes painfully) energetic personality, and a bad habit of bursting into song at the best of times, and the worst of times. The first Storm Angel novel was published when I was seventeen years old. Still in high school, and becoming a published author marked my name down in The Book of Nerds for all eternity. I read young adult fiction more than I sleep, and I have been known to buy books over groceries. I write for me, and I hope other people enjoy what comes of it. I love learning, and I love growing in my craft. I have watched many authors spread their wings through Amazon, and one day I hope to be one of them. Stories are lives that live forever. Each of my books is written by hand before it goes into a computer. Each of those pages are filled with a part of me that I desperately want to share with you. I hope you enjoy them, and I hope you share them with your friends and families.

Goodreads | Amazon

[glorioustidalwavedefendor]

Love, Death & Robots.

Can I just say, how happy it makes me, that the anthology series is back?

I mean, Love, Death & Robots isn‘t the first by a long shot … but still, I am glad that this art form is back. It lends itself so very beautifully to the telling of small stories.

I lnow I am late on the band wagon, but this is my hot take on Love, Death & Robots. Just fresh of bingeing it. No reflection just feeling … or in other words, the result of rubbing my last two sleep deprived braincells together.

It‘s just my opinion, nothing more.

On the technical side of things …

This show is fucking gorgeous. The style usually goes with the general tone of the story, all of them competently and craft fully realized. The same goes for the voice work, the sound design and the soundtrack.

On a side note, diversity is so so, could be better but could be worse … I‘d say average …

It‘s definitely NC-17. Blood, gore, violence, sex and lovingly rendered co**s. We have it all. If you are sensible … you might want to skip some of the stories …

Beware … here there be spoilers

"Sonnie's Edge"

A woman named Sonnie remotely controls a genetically-engineered monster in underground gladiatorial battles. A rich man offers her a lot of money to lose, but she refuses. After she wins the combat, he comes back to make her pay, only to discover he got things very wrong.

I really liked the concept of the story, though not so much the execution. I am just not a huge fan of the „live begins at rape“-trope and I thought that backstory element was rather clumsily handled. I also feel like we could have reached the same twist wit a different backstory …

It‘s a really great twist.

I mean, I am not to clever, maybe you‘ll see it coming a mile away … but I still think it‘s a good twist …

Carefull, gore and boobs …

"Three Robots"

After the destruction of humanity, three robots take a vacation tour around seemingly abandoned city, trying to understand how humans lived based on their limited knowledge of them and the things they left behind. The surprise comes when they met a cat.

It‘s exactly what it says on the tin. It is sweet, adorable, funny … surprisingly meta in it‘s message, without getting too heavy handed, it has kittens … I love it.

If you have problems with skulls, skip it, there a loads of it here …

"The Witness"

A woman witnesses a murder in a building in front of the hotel where she is staying. She flees from him through a surreal city.

What it say on the tin. The twist isn‘t really a surprise if you pay attention, but it‘s a case of blink and you miss it.

I like the concept a lot and the execution was alright …

Nudity … lots of it … also blood … so, if that is a no, for you … skip it. Otherwise, I really like the twist … I say that a lot …

"Suits"

A small community of farmers pilot mech suits to defend their land from an invading swarm of insectoid aliens.

Again, what it says on the tin … a little heavy handed with the characterization, but they have only minutes to establish them, so that‘s O.K. for me. The characters are all very sweet and caring … not so much a twist ending as a WTF moment.

The violence is relatively tame … maybe PG 13, if you can stomach alien blood and a major character death …

"Sucker of Souls"

Awakened by an archaeological excavation, a bloodthirsty demon fights a crew of mercenaries.

What‘s on the tin.

I really liked this one. I like the  archaeologist, I like the mercenaries, … The ending is a bit … not disappointing … but you feel a bit cheated.

I also feel like this could work very well as Terror AU, with Goodsir being the archaeologist and the mercenaries being Crozier, fem-Blanky and … maybe Fitzjames …

The actual gore … rather graphic, though the style isn‘t hyper realistic … if you‘re sensible, definitely skip this one …

"When The Yogurt Took Over"

Yogurt developed by scientists becomes sentient and takes over the world.

What can I ay? It‘s what‘s on the tin.

Rather tame, except for a few moments of very dark humor … the style is very cartoony, so … not for the faint of heart maybe, but it should be fine for most people.

"Beyond the Aquila Rift"

Blue Goose's crew—Thom, Suzy, and Ray—are on a mission to reach beyond the Aquila Rift, but an error in the routing plot causes unexpected events to happen.

Sort of, what it says on the tin … but not …

I really liked it, … not particularly gory per see except for a quick scene … but if you hate spiders, definitely stay away … also boobs …

This one would also make for a great Terror AU, with Crozier as the Captain and Sophia as his long lost acquaintance …

"Good Hunting"

In early 20th century China, a boy becomes friends with a shape-shifting huli jing after his father kills the huli jing's mother. Years later, living in a steampunk Hong-Kong, they find each other again.

I really like the idea behind this … the thought  that magic can not exists in a world full of iron and steam. I loved that concept back in Lords and Lady's and I still love it.

I just could have done without the sex trafficking …

I‘d prefer d if she‘d just gotten a new body on her own terms, … Because I really like the concept that she has to change herself completely in order to control this new magic …

Definitely not for the faint of heart … what‘s on the screen is upsetting enough … the implications even more so …

Also, lots of nudity …

"The Dump"

A city inspector tries to convince Ugly Dave to move out of his house which is located in a dump. However, Dave and his pet are not intent on doing so.

This one was wearing tapp shoes … but I still like it … its cute … and dark … sensible people … maybe skip it …

Nudity … death and gore … also a puppy …

"Shape-Shifters"

Two close friends in the Marines with supernatural powers have to fight one of their own in Afghanistan.

Whats on the tin. Short, sweet, heartbreaking … gore … major character death … Nudity

"Helping Hand"

An astronaut faces a life or death situation after an accident while spacewalking in orbit. Now she has to decide, arm or live …

This was a hard one for me to watch … not so much for the gore … there is none … but just seeing her being so brave and inventive and … so so fucked … it was a hell of a ride, for me it was worth it …

God damn she is awesome!

"Fish Night"

Two salesmen get stuck in the desert, and discover that the desert is not what it seems at night.

I love it!

I loved the concept wen Pratchett came up with it for wee free men … where he mentioned it in a throw away line … and I was angry at myself for days, that I never came up with it myself …

Spooky, pretty … bloody … there was a shark … Nudity

I was sad, but I‘ll definitely give it a rewatch …

This doesn't so much work as an entire Terror AU, but I feel like, the concept does lend itself easily to being used with Silna …

"Lucky 13"

A pilot recalls her missions aboard the dropship Lucky 13, which had already lost two crews before.

Boy did I cry at this one … bit gory … and onions, so many onions … who the fuck needs so many onions at this time of night?

But yeah, I have a thing for ships … sue me …

"Zima Blue"

A reclusive artist gives a final interview after 100 years.

I love this … the style is very stylized and lends itself beautiful to the story … ah … I think this is even something for the faint of heart … also, in my case onions …

"Blindspot"

A cyborg crew attempts to rob a convoy.

What‘s on the tin, pretty straight forward … nothing special … but I feel that is less the stories fault and more the fact that it is simply outclassed among all the others …

Violent, but cartoony … so … no idea … proceed with caution?

"Ice Age"

A couple who just moved into the apartment finds a civilization inside an antique refrigerator.

What‘s on the tin.

Really sweet, really cute … cute couple … I feel like, some of the lines could have used one more rewrite, but that is me nitpicking. I really liked it, it was awesome, definitely gonna rewatch it … I feel like this is even for the faint of heart …

It is also very refreshing to see a married couple just hanging out together … love it

"Alternate Histories"

Multiversity, an alternative history research simulation app, shows the viewer the death of Adolf Hitler in 6 different timelines on their welcome demo.

I feel like Douglas Adams came back from the dead to write this … I get defined Hitchhiker vibes.

Ah … dark, but super cartoony, so the violence is rather tame … still, not G rated, despite the style … Nudity

I liked it a lot …

"Secret War"

A platoon of Red Army soldiers hunt down the undead in the forests of Siberia.

What it say on the tin.

The style is super realistic, so nothing for the faint of heart. Blood, gore … more blood, more gore …

I liked it …

And, is it just me, or is the Lieutenant the spitting image of John Morfin?

This would make an amazing Terror AU, you pretty much only have to change the names … even the Lieutenants second gives me Collins vibes …

I hope I got all the Nudity, but there is a lot of it … not even always in a sexy way, just in a “humans sometimes are naked” way …

And that was  Love, Death & Robots.

Was it good?

Hell yes!

Do I want more?

Definitely …  though I don‘t have to high hopes for a potential second season … once burned twice shy … But I‘d be delighted if we get one as good or even better.

[kookadoodle]

Something Between Us (Pt 1)

PLOT: Being best friends with Min Yoongi is not always the easiest thing to do. Especially, when he finds out about your blooming relation to one popular friend of his - Jeon Jungkook.

PAIRING: Jungkook x reader (ft. Yoongi and the other boys) GENRE: fluff, F2L!AU WARNINGS: swearing, a little angsty but lots of fluff WORDCOUNT: 5.5k A/N: my first series is of my main babe ofc x

Pt 2 ♥

---------------------------------

{Y/N’s POV}

I come home to an empty house and I barely notice how the feeling of loneliness pierces me yet again. I have grown used to being alone, but still, I find myself surprised by being left behind by my parents, leaving me a simple note on the fridge, saying, “We will be back in two weeks, money is on the counter”. I sigh as I stare at it, letting my bag fall from my grip, sliding down beside me. I stare at the cursive writing left by my mother on a piece of paper that feels as if it means more to her than I do by now. I know that it is not true, yet if actions speak louder than words, I believe them leaving me a twelve-worded note means less than the fourteen days of their absence. At least I can leave my bag on the floor without being scolded for it. I guess that is a pro. 

I walk back out the way I came, heading for the mailbox out front. I check it and pull out the letter for my father, which I know I will be forced to look at, lying on the dresser in the hallway until they return. My depressed train of thought is suddenly interrupted by a familiar voice. “Did they leave?” Yoongi asks me and I look up, meeting the eyes of my next-door neighbor and best friend. He leans against the mailbox with a disappointed look on his face, mirroring my own. He has lived next to me for the past five years and despite our differences, our similarities brought us together. “Yeah,” I sigh, not bothering to crack a joke as usual. I hate them for leaving me yet again without telling me in advance. I sometimes wonder if they regret having me and are simply living their lives as if canceling me is an option somehow. I know it sounds depressing, but it is true. “Okay,” he says and grabs my wrist, pulling me with him towards his house. “Yoongi, what are you doing?” I ask, scolding him for his tight grip on me. Yoongi might have skinny arms, but he is too strong for me to bother trying to resist. “You are hanging out with me tonight,” he says, pulling me along as if I do not have a choice. I groan yet let him have his way.

We step inside his house and take off our shoes in sync. I notice the chaotic noises coming from his living room “Who do you have over?” I ask in a hushed voice, not wanting his company to hear me. A strained smile forces itself across Yoongi’s face as he avoids my gaze. “Please do not tell me they are all here,” I say as I place my hands over my face in dread. “It’s kind of a sleepover thing,” he says hesitant, knowing it will send me running for the hills. “I am going home, I will not interrupt your bonding-time,” I say, reaching for my shoes. Yoongi grabs my arm, stopping me in my motion. “You are not going home, spending your Friday night in an empty house,” he says seriously, looking me in the eyes. I groan again, letting my shoe fall from my hand in defeat. “I will kill you, Min Yoongi,” I scold him again for forcing me to stay and be social. I do not want to be social, especially around his fuck-boy friends. He tugs on my arm and I follow him into the living room, not knowing what to expect from the rest of the evening.

“Hey guys, Y/N is joining us,” Yoongi says aloud, making the guys on the cornered couch look up and over at me. Five gazes fall upon me, making me unsure of what to do. “Sure, she is welcome,” Namjoon says with a distracted smile, mind still wrapped in the current conversation between the boys. I stand awkwardly, waiting for the worst part to fade. I watch them return to their interrupted chattering. They are all very different, yet somehow, they get along, complimenting each other well. That is one of the reasons I feel so misplaced here when the guys are over. Even though I probably feel most at home here out of all of his friends, I turn into a shy and insecure mush around them. No one can really blame me though. It does not make it easy for me that they are all extremely attractive and have girls pining for them. I never took enough time to truly crush on them myself, but their presence still makes me a flustered mess. “You can sit here, if you want,” Hoseok says with a big smile, gesturing to the seat next to him on the couch. His smile is the brightest I have ever seen, and I almost forget to return it. I snap out of my thoughts before they disappear into an embarrassing dream-like state. “Thanks,” I say, finally smiling back as I sit down next to him. “So, what are we watching?” I ask, trying to ease into the conversation. “Just some lame k-drama that Jimin suggested,” Namjoon says, shoving at Jimin’s shoulder. “Hey, I just said it had gotten some good reviews lately,” Jimin defends himself as he hides his pearly-white grin behind his hand. “You just can’t admit that you love this stuff,” Taehyung chimes in on teasing his friend. Jimin laughs it off as he runs a hand through his blonde locks. Yoongi leans a knee on the armrest beside me and I relax in his presence. “Speaking of love,” Hoseok says and turns to me, eyes filled with unanswered questions and mischief. “Are you and Yoongi dating?” he asks bluntly, and a chuckle escapes him. Suddenly, I feel my cheeks blushing and eyes widen. “No, we are not, but that does not mean any of you are allowed to come near her,” Yoongi quickly states, looking over at his friends. I want to curl into a ball and roll out of here, but sadly, I am stuck. The doorbell rings, saving the room from an awkward silence. “Y/N, would you get it? I don’t wanna leave you alone with these losers,” Yoongi says, earning a few snickers from his friends. “Yeah, I guess,” I say, getting up from my seat. Normally, I would have told him to get the door himself, but I kind of want to escape from the subject, Hoseok had brought up. As soon as I am standing, he falls into my seat and I raise an eyebrow at him. He just smiles at me with his gummy smile and I let it slide for now.

I walk to the front door and open it up, meeting eyes with the missing member of the group. Jeon Jungkook. He looks up from behind the stacked pizza boxes and as he meets my gaze, he frowns slightly surprised. “Y/N?” he says, confused by my presence. “Am I at the wrong house again?” he asks, stepping back to look at the house number. Jungkook is probably the one out of the group that I know the best besides Yoongi. For several times over the past three years, Jungkook has shown up at my doorstep instead of Yoongi’s, mistaking my house for the neighboring one. We would never talk much, but the small encounters did result in a slightly less awkward vibe between the two of us surprisingly enough. But you do not have to know Jungkook personally to know him, since he also is the one with the most well-known reputation, told from a line of girls’ mouths. “You are at the right house,” I smile, taking a step back and opening the door for him to walk inside. “Good,” he chuckles and steps in. He is wearing a black t-shirt and slim jeans, hugging his thighs as if they were made for him. I take a peak, trying not to be obvious and of course I fail at that, sending myself into a moment of scarring awkwardness. An awkwardness I was already trying to avoid by opening the door in the first place. Jungkook meets my eyes and smirks, raising an eyebrow at my almost stalker-like gaze. “Could you take these for a second?” he asks and hands me the pizzas, ignoring my flustered state and saving my ass from embarrassment. He bends down to take off his shoes before returning to me. He reaches to take back the boxes yet places his hands on top of mine. His gaze locks on me and a small blush creeps onto my cheeks. “Thanks,” he says and a smile tugs on his lips as he pulls the boxes closer. I try to smile and hide how much he affects me. Jungkook never acts as the playboy he is known as when I meet him. I guess, either his reputation is misleading, or he is a bigger flirt than I am imagining. Or -- maybe he is just not into me. I depressingly assume it is the latter, taking he has never made a move on me. I would lie if I said it did not sting since he seems as the kind of guy to make a move on every girl that he meets. Everyone except me, I guess. He walks into the living room and is immediately greeted by his friends. “There he is, the man of the hour,” Jin says as he walks over to him. “You just say that because I brought food,” Jungkook smiles and Jin laughs in return. “You are absolutely right,” Jin adds and takes the pizza boxes from Jungkook’s grip. Jungkook looks back at me and shakes his head at Jin’s comment. I smile slightly, feeling as if he is trying to include me. Or maybe I am reading too much into it. That is what I hate about being around these guys. Even though I rarely meet them, they tend to make me question everything about myself, when I do.

“Let’s eat!” Jin says, placing down the pizzas proudly on the table as if he were the one, providing them. All the guys gather around the food and I lean against the armrest by Yoongi. “There is plenty of food, so just eat with us,” Yoongi says to me without the others overhearing it. I smile accepting of his offer and sit down on a pillow on the floor, copying Taehyung at the opposite end of the table. “Thanks,” I say, smiling up at Yoongi. He smiles back as he ruffles my hair a little. “Here you go,” Hoseok says and hands me a piece on a plate. “Thanks,” I say, and he smiles back. Jungkook returns from the bathroom and despite the free spot on the couch, he joins me on the floor. “Yoongi-hyung, could you grab a slice for me?” Jungkook asks and is given a plate. He shifts to place himself comfortably and ends up grazing his knee against my thigh. I subtly look over at him and notice that he is unbothered by the contact. I take a bite of my pizza and try not to let it fluster me as I convince myself that he has not even noticed our closeness.

After we have eaten, the boys decide it is time to play video games. They set it up and minutes later, they are already being loud.  “How come your parents aren’t home?” I ask Yoongi, making conversation just between the two of us. “They are visiting my aunt and uncle for the weekend,” he says unbothered by their absence. I wish I could feel the same. “What about yours? What are they doing this time?” he asks, looking down at me on the floor before him. “You tell me,” I huff, getting slightly uncomfortable by the thought. “Sorry,” Yoongi says and places a comforting hand on my shoulder. I feel an unexpected tear starting to form and I panic slightly. “Can I borrow your charger?” I ask as I get up from the floor, not wanting to break down in front of the school’s popular group and heartbreakers. “Sure,” Yoongi says slightly concerned. “It’s in my room,” he adds. “Cool,” I say and head towards the stairs. I want to tell him what is bothering me, but I am not even sure where or how to start. I walk upstairs and enter his bedroom, sitting myself down on his bed. I relax my shoulders and exhale, but soon I can feel my eyes watering. A tear escapes and I tilt my head to the side in annoyance. We have been through this too many times, I think to myself. I too often find myself in this position, tears falling down my face as I feel utterly helpless. I should be happy to have the house to myself, but how can I, when I only ever find myself alone? Left behind with nothing but an amount of money to prove how much I am worth to my parents. Why do I even still let it affect me so much? Suddenly, I notice a presence by the door. I look up and meet eyes with Jungkook, standing in the doorframe with furrowed brows. “Are you okay?” he asks hesitantly, worry staining his features. I quickly dry off the tear on my cheek and stand up. “Yeah, I’m fine. I’m just looking for Yoongi’s charger,” I say, failing to lie. He stands there for a moment, still and looking at me, trying to read me, it seems. He might be having an inner debate on whether or not to call me out on my untrue claim. To my surprise, he decides to play it cool and leave the truth untold. Jungkook then walks into the room and looks around for a second. “Here it is,” he says and pulls the charger out of the plug on the wall. He hands it to me and smiles. I know that he knows I was crying, but it is kind of him to pretend he does not. “Thank you,” I say, smiling back gratefully. “Anytime,” he says back in a raspy voice that surprises us both a little. He clears his throat and chuckles, gently blushing. I feel my stomach, tying a knot on itself as I notice his eyes are hiding from mine. Is he being shy around me? I ponder but quickly brush it aside, not wanting to make up false stories in my head. “I didn’t mean to interrupt you, I just wanted to make sure you were okay,” he states sincerely. “It’s all good, don’t worry about it,” I say, while a part of me long for a deeper explanation from him – wanting to hear sentences alike, falling from his lips. “Good,” he says shortly and smiles back. I plug in my phone before we make our way back downstairs.

“Do you have popcorn?” I ask as we return to the others. Yoongi looks up and notices Jungkook and I entering the living room together. His brows furrow and his expression turns unreadable. “They are in the cabinet,” he then says and looks back to the TV. I make my way to the kitchen as Jungkook is handed the controller by Jimin to take his turn to play. I quickly find the box, taking one out and placing it in the microwave. As I wait for the popcorn to finish, I lean against the kitchen counter and look at my feet. I wiggle them, desperate to entertain myself or maybe just distract myself from my current state of mind. Then Yoongi walks in and I look up, meeting his gaze as an unexpected silence falls. “They take a long time to pop,” I say drained from energy. Yoongi smiles at my lame attempt to make conversation. “Are you okay?” he asks, stepping closer to me. He looks at me intently as if he is trying to read my thoughts yet is only met with a sigh. “I am fine, okay? I just wish they had said something, so I wouldn’t have to impose on you guys,” I say apologetically. “You are not imposing,” he says. “I am more worried of them imposing on you since they are all fucking players,” he states, making me chuckle. “I might just have met them a few times, but they seem nice,” I say, trying to hold back a blush. He studies my face and I hope he does not notice. “They are only nice because you are a friend of mine,” he says, trying to warn me. I scoff, acting as if my pride has been hurt. He shoves my shoulder a tad and I laugh. “Anyways, just tell me if you want to talk,” he says. I nod in return. He then turns around and walks back into the living room.

{Jungkook’s POV}

I burst out into laughter as I finally beat Taehyung, the screen reading a big fat K.O. He hits me on the shoulder as he sighs deeply, irritated by my win of the first round. “I hate that you’re so good at this,” he mumbles, and I grin smugly. He does not like that either, but I find his irritation amusing. As the game loads, he turns to me. “So, how did your date go earlier? Did you get lucky?” Tae asks, a teasing glint in his eyes. I scoff as I replay the moments in my head, trying to decide what to say about it. I guess it was fine. I have known long about Hailie’s crush on me and the boys have too, teasing me about it for weeks. So, I finally chose to give her a shot, asking her out. I mean, she is hot and seems like decent company, so why not? We went for coffee and she went on and on about how much she had longed for some time alone with me. I was flattered and all but getting girls to say things like that has just been too easy lately. She was as well, which is why we ended up at her place with her face pushed into the pillows of her bed. We both got what we wanted, but now I am not so sure about what to do. It kind of just feels dull. “Let me just say that she probably needs to change her sheets,” I grin, and Tae fist bumps me proudly. “That’s what I am talking about,” Tae smirks and pads my shoulder a few times. “Taehyung, let Namjoon have a go,” Yoongi interrupts, not feeling amused by the topic of our conversation. I look back at him and notice that he seems off tonight. I do not know what it is, but something is bothering him, and he clearly was not into the gossip like Tae was. Tae gets up and Namjoon takes his place, getting ready for his obvious defeat.

{Y/N’s POV}

I bring two bowls of popcorn into the living room and place them on the table. The guys greet me with enthusiasm, digging into the snack immediately. “You are my hero,” Jimin says, smiling at me widely. My guts do a flip as I study his teeth shaped in by a perfect set of pinkish pouty lips and his eyes shaped like crescents. I grin back at him and place myself on the couch between Yoongi and Taehyung, hoping no one is noticing my clear infatuation with them all. Get a fucking grip, Y/N! I scream internally at myself. Luckily, they are all following the screen, watching Jungkook and Namjoon play. “Don’t let him win! His ego is already too inflated,” Taehyung yells eagerly at Namjoon, wanting him to wipe the floor with Jungkook. I chuckle at that and Taehyung smiles at me. “Namjoon-hyung is useless. Maybe you should beat Jungkook for us?” he says as looks me in the eyes. I study them for a moment, registering his question in my mind along with the millions of stars I see in his irises. I snap about of it before it turns unnatural. “I would, but I am really shitty at this game,” I claim, and he laughs with me. “You are probably better than you think, you are,” he smiles as his gaze returns to look ahead. I feel a slight fluttering in my chest at his words of encouragement. So much for getting that grip, huh? I think to myself. “At least you can’t be as bad as Jin-hyung,” Jimin says with a wide smile spread across his face. Jin immediately turns to Jimin by his side with a look of disbelief. “Are you trying to embarrass me in front of Y/N? Who do you think you are?” he scolds and Jimin crumbles into a ball of pure amusement. “Sorry hyung, but it’s true,” he smiles with a teasing look in his eyes. Jin is not having it. “We will go next, Park Jimin, and I will show you how much better at it I am than you!” Jin states proudly, impatient to prove his statement wrong. Yoongi leans back grinning at the drama unfolding and I find myself leaning onto him. I pull my legs up under me and I rest my head on his shoulder as I have done many times before. The mood settles down into a more relaxed vibe and I get comfortable in my anonymity with everyone’s focus on the screen. Suddenly, I notice the exhaustion overtake me as I am resting on Yoongi’s shoulder. I widen my eyes and try to fight it, yet a few minutes later I doze off.

{Jungkook’s POV}

“Don’t wake her up,” Yoongi says hushed as Y/N is sleeping against him. “but hyung, what do you want us to do?” I ask quietly, wanting to help. She has slept against him for about half an hour and he does not want to wake her up already, but it is problematic since he really has to go to the bathroom. “Take my place,” Yoongi says, looking at me. The other guys look at me as well, waiting for my reaction. “I don’t know, hyung,” I say hesitantly. “Jungkook, do as I say and take my place, so I can go and take a piss,” he says, scolding me for taking so long. “Okay,” I say, giving in and stepping closer. I know he is serious when he is ordering me to do it. He is always telling me to stay away from her. I cannot really blame him though, given my history with girls. It is not like I am doing it to hurt anyone, I am just not a relationship kind of guy. The girls know it and Yoongi definitely knows it as well. But I do not think Y/N does and some part of me wants to keep it that way. Yoongi leans a bit forward, so I can slide in and replace him by her side. He rises from his seat and Y/N places her sleeping head softly on my shoulder. Yoongi steps away and the guys return their eyes to the TV after realizing nothing crazy is going to happen. I try to focus on the game as well, but I am distracted by the odd sensation in my chest. A familiar sensation when it comes to Y/N. As the others are not paying attention, I look over and study the part of her face that I am able to see. She is pretty. I wonder why she was so upset earlier. I did not expect to see her like that and I really wanted to comfort her, but it would have been weird since we do not know each other that well. Even sitting here with her head on my shoulder feels so intimate and I do not know if she would want to be if she was awake right now. I hope she would. I suddenly feel her shifting a bit, wrapping her arm around me in her sleep. My body stiffens, but I immediately try to relax, wanting to make her comfortable. Why am I so nervous? I take a breath and try to focus back on the TV. I fail.

{Y/N’s POV}

My eyes flutter open slowly, clearing my sleepy vision. “Y/N,” I hear a hushed voice say gently beside me. I lift my head and notice how I am only inches away from Jungkook’s face with my arm around his waist. I fell asleep. I pull back my arm, removing it from him and I am almost certain that his expression turns slightly disappointed. Did I fall asleep against Jungkook? I am confused. “I-I’m sorry,” I stutter quietly, trying not to look at him directly as I feel embarrassment overtake me. He chuckles softly. “It’s fine, it was pretty cozy,” he says with a cheeky grin, trying to lock eyes with me. I blush slightly, trying to avoid his gaze. Looking around, I notice the living room is empty besides us. “Where did they go?” I ask, my voice still lazed with tiredness. “They are just setting up the rooms to sleep,” Jungkook explains, trying not to speak too loudly for me. It feels very intimate with his hushed voice and warmth still lingering between us. “Yoongi told me to wake you since he wants you to have his bed,” Jungkook says and tenses up a little. He bites his bottom lip and studies my face for a reaction. “Where will he sleep then?” I ask confused and a satisfied smile forces itself on Jungkook. I look back over at him and capture his gaze, noticing it does not falter. Then it slowly falls to my lips and I am suddenly made aware of the soft expression on his features, the slight darkness of his eyes. I find myself wondering what he is thinking right now, and I can feel in my gut that I am hoping for one thing in particular. One thing, that I have previously doubted to happen up until now. “Jungkook, you are sleeping with Namjoon and Jin-hyung, Taehyung and Jimin took the guestroom,” Yoongi says as he enters the room and Jungkook pulls back from me. “Y/N, you get my bed tonight,” he adds, and I rise from my seat. “Yoongi, I will just go home, I live right next door,” I say, gesturing to my house through the window. I notice how dark and empty it looks from here. I think Yoongi sees it too. “No, you will stay and eat breakfast with us in the morning,” Yoongi states firmly. “But three people in one bed? Jungkook can’t possibly…” I start, but I am interrupted. “It’s fine, Y/N. Please, just go get some rest,” Jungkook says, rising to his feet. I look over at him to catch his eyes, yet he is looking at Yoongi instead. There he goes again, confusing me. Maybe I am overthinking the moment we just shared. I feel the tiredness kick in again. “I will, then,” I say and walk away from them, making my way upstairs.

{Jungkook’s POV}

I watch her leave my side and I feel her taking her warmth with her. I find myself studying her form, wanting to join her upstairs, but I also know that she is not the type of girl, who will let me into her bed so easily. I cannot say I would mind if she did, though. I then look over at Yoongi again, whose eyes surprisingly stare daggers into my soul. “I’ll just go,” I say awkwardly, trying to avoid the tension between us. I do not know why he is annoyed with me tonight, but I ignore it as other thoughts are occupying my mind. Thoughts of her, which will not so easily escape me. “Night, hyung,” I say as I pass him. “Night,” he says back. Hoseok walks by me with a bunch of pillows in his grip, grazing me with them as he passes. “Sleep tight, Jungkookie,” he says with a gesturing expression. Unaware of his intention, I just say it back. I walk upstairs to the room opposite Yoongi’s. I look over for a moment and I consider knocking on her door, but I stop myself and join the guys instead. I step inside and the bed is already occupied. “Ah, Jungkookie, did you come to say goodnight?” Jin says as he rubs his hands in some cream. “Yoongi-hyung says, I have to sleep in here with you guys,” I state, noticing just how small the bed seems now. They exchange looks and suddenly a wide grin is on both their faces. “I think you can find a better option than that,” Namjoon chuckles as he gets under the covers. I sigh with a frown, taking a moment to gather what they mean. “You know, I can’t do that,” I sigh, crossing my arms. “You will just have to sleep on the floor then, I guess,” Jin smiles proudly as he spreads out, filling up all the space left in the bed. I rub my face in my hands, debating whether I should do it or not. I really do want to, but I know it will cause trouble. But then again, when were I ever the one to shy away from a challenge? “Goodnight, then,” I say as I side-eye them, taking in their smug looking faces. I close the door behind me and I sigh, looking across the hall. Will she even want me in there? I ask myself. I step over and lift my fist. I hold it in the air for a second as I tilt my head, contemplating my options. I decide to knock.

{Y/N’s POV}

“Come in,” I say, not knowing who or what to expect. The door opens half way up and Jungkook peeks out his head, looking over at me with an unsure expression. “Hi,” he says shyly, playing with the wooden door. “Hi,” I say back, lifting myself up on my elbows in the bed. Not knowing what to do, I pull my hair behind my ears just to do something with my hands. I then settle them interlinked across my stomach, feeling as awkward as ever but I do not think Jungkook is noticing. He seems too occupied with his own thoughts. “I wanted to ask if… you would maybe let me join you in here, since the guys kind of kicked me out of the room just now,” he chuckles, scratching the back of his neck. He reminds me of a little boy, asking for permission so shyly. Somehow his flustered state makes mine less dominant, bringing a more confident attitude forward in me. “If you are uncomfortable, I will just find somewhere else,” he states quickly, not wanting to come off like a perve, I presume. “It’s okay, there is plenty of room,” I say, gesturing to the empty side of the bed. I scooch over a bit, making more room, slightly surprised by my own actions. “Thanks,” he smiles relieved as he enters and closes the door behind him. He steps closer and sits down on the edge of the bed, eyes barely leaving mine as if he is searching for confirmation. “Jungkook, it really is fine, just make yourself comfortable,” I smile as I lay back down, trying to do the same. I hope my outer self is not as blubbery as my insides feel right now. “Okay, good,” he says and shakes his head a little, grinning at himself. He takes off his pants and socks, before getting under the covers beside me. He takes out his phone, checking a few things before placing it on the nightstand by the bed. Then silence falls, and he just lies there for a second, staring out into the slight darkness of the room. I exhale, relaxing into the depths of the mattress. “I’m glad you came today,” Jungkook says quietly, breaking the silence. I am stunned by his statement, feeling my stomach do the twist for the third time today. What does he mean by that? I look over at him and notice his peaceful features. He notices but does not look back at me as if he suddenly feels exposed by his own words. “Me too,” I answer, and a soft smile lights up his worried expression. “Good,” he sighs eased and turns to his side, facing away from me. I look at his back for a moment and wonder why he is being so nice to me. From what Yoongi has told me, Jungkook would either be all over a girl or not show interest in her at all, depending on his plans with her. Right now, I feel as if I am finding myself in some middle ground between the two. Maybe it is just a friendship in the making? I think, and then I turn my back as well, relaxing until I fall asleep beside him.

[fmradio-johnnystation]

Writing wrap up of 2018

Wooooooooah 2018 passed so quickly?? ngl when this year started, I just wanted it to be over. But this year I got back into writing around May and I’m so grateful that I did! So here’s a little summary of my writing year.

Stats:

List of Fics Posted:

The game begin ; NCT ; Jungwoo/Lucas. 

Red as blood and green as seaweed ; Stray Kids ; Hyunjin/Seungmin Glow ; Stray Kids ; Hyunjin-centric Love is ; Stray Kids ; Hyunjin/Felix Storm and stars ; Stray Kids ; Felix/Jisung, Chan/Minho, Changbin/Hyunjin & Jeongin/Seungmin Of detention and makeout sessions ; Stray Kids ; Felix/Jisung Of locker rooms kisses ; Stray Kids ; Chan/Woojin Of studios and nose kisses ; Stray Kids ; Chan/Jisung Of palm kisses and chipped nailpolish ; Stray Kids ; Felix/Woojin Guess how much I love you ; Stray Kids ; Chan/Felix Of warm beds and morning coffee ; Stray Kids ; Chan/Minho Sharp fangs and blood stained hands ; Stray Kids ; Chan/Seungmin Dishes, vaccuum cleaners and soft kisses ; Stray Kids ; Chan/Woojin Twist and turn, moonchild ; Stray Kids ; Chan/Jeongin For as long as I am breathing ; Stray Kids ; Chan/Felix I’ll hold you as you bleed ; Stray Kids ; Chan/Hyunjin Take my hand and never let go ; Stray Kids ; Chan/Felix/Woojin Hocus pocus ; Stray Kids ; Chan/Felix Fuzzy socks, ugly sweaters and sweet ‘I love you’s ; Stray Kids ; Chan/Felix/Woojin 31 days of kisses ; Stray Kids ; multiple ships Twisted Souls ; Stray Kids ; Chan/Felix [Unannounced skz exchange fic]* ; Stray Kids ; TBA

*WIll update with tag and name later when the fic is announced.

Total number: 22 Total word count: 228.442 Ship/character breakdown:

I always try to vary the ships I’m writing to give content to all ships, even the small ones. But over this year I’ve come to love Chanlix a lot, so the ship I’ve been writing the most is Chanlix, Jilix being a close second.

Characters that had the main focus:

My top 3 of 2018 is: 1. Chan, who’s the main in 13 fics 2. Felix, who’s the main in 9 fics 3. Hyunjin, who’s the main in 6 fics

I’m obviously aussie line biased. Also I’ve realized that I really enjoy writing Chan for some reason.

Specifics:

Best/worst title?

Best: For as long as I am breathing. I have no idea why I like it so much, maybe it’s because I like the au so much but it just makes me happy when I see the title.

Worst: Red as blood and green as seaweed because ?? what ?? but since it was just a short thing I’m not gonna bother it hdhd

Best/worst first line?

Best: The moon was bathing the lush, green forest in its sickly white light as it slowly rose on the dark sky. - From Twist and turn, moonchild. I just really liked this one for some reason. It sets the mood really nicely imo. Worst: “You look nervous,” his father noted as their carriage was making its way towards the castle. - From For as Long as I am breathing. This is just... uGH like I don’t really hate it, it’s just that I wrote it just to get started with the whole fic and then I never went back to change it and it just feels kind of awkward.

Best/worst last line?

Best: The stories of the creature so twisted and the soul so kind. - From Twisted souls. I just really like this one, unclear why really. But I really enjoyed the last two paragraphs of this fic.

Worst: “Thank you for being my bodyguard.” - From Twist and turn, moonchild. Because... what? why and uGh no. I struggled with wrapping this fic up because I wanted to keep it short and I guess I just pulled smth out of my a ss to just end it.

Best/worst summary?

Best: This is the story about a creature so twisted by evil, who found their way home. - From Twisted souls. I really liked this one. Because it sort of gave some of the plot away, as a summary probably should do, but also kept to the more poetic vibe I went with for this fic.

I also really like: The sun rose, painting the sky a beautiful pink as it bathed the landscape in its warm light. In the comfort of his home, their home, Woojin awoke slowly, surrounded by nothing but love and warmth. - From Take my hand and never let go. Simply because this is one of few summaries that I actually wrote specifically to be summaries.

Worst: Vampire!Chan & Witch!Felix in a very domestic setting. - From Hocus pocus. I don’t really have a summary that I really dislike so I’ll just put this one here simply because it just stares the content and it’s pretty boring.

Favorite 5 lines from anywhere?

1. “You know what would be even better?” Felix asked and Chan hummed, lips still pressing against Felix’s skin and his hand came to rest on Felix’s thigh. “If you married me this winter.” - From For as long as I am breathing.

2. “I’ll chase the fear and the pain away, love,” he promised as Hyunjin let out a choked sob. - From I’ll hold you as you bleed.

3. “You’re no longer wilting away,” Felix’s whispered, stroking the back of his hand over Chan’s cheek. - From Twisted souls.

4. “And then they lived happily ever after,” he said, pressing his lips against Felix’s. - From Storm and stars.

5. But he was getting better. - From Glow.

General questions:

Looking back, did you write more fics than you thought you would this year, less than you thought, or about what you predicted?

Considering that I wrote 700 words last year, so for me to write over 200k... that was very unexpected.

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted last year?

Stray kids because 1. I didn’t stan them last year and 2. I barely wrote anything last year.

What’s your favorite story this year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you the happiest.

I don’t... I don’t really know. All my three longfics are special to me but I think For as long as I am breathing or Twisted Souls takes the prize as my favorite... I think I’m gonna have to say For as long as I am breathing.

Okay, NOW your most popular story.

The most popular must have been Storm and Stars, but its also the oldest of my multichaptered fics. 31 days of kisses and For as long as I am breathing are both closing in on Storm and stars when it comes to the amount of hits.

Story most underappreciated by the universe?

TWISTED SOULS. But also like, its just recently been completed (and I know some people dont read unfinished fics), its a pretty underrated ship (so I guess not a lot read fics about them) and the tags + the word count might be a bit intimidating.

Story that could have been better?

[Redacted] could definitely have been better. I didn’t manage to get a full grasp of how I wanted the plot until it was maybe a bit too late and it ended up super rushed.

Saddest story?

Twisted souls probably. It deals with some pretty heavy things and yeah, it’s the saddest thing I’ve written this year.

Most fun?

hM.... Most of my fics are pretty serious or just straight out fluff and not really funny in that way. But... maybe Hocus pocus ? Unsure but that’s the funniest of my fics lmao.

Story with single sweetest moment?

For as long as I am breathing has a bunch of insanely sweet moments and I just love that au.

Hardest story to write?

Twisted souls but that’s mainly because of the fight scenes. I’m pretty bad at action so that was a challenge.

Easiest/most fun story to write?

For as long as I am breathing... That was insane. The words just came to me like poOF and it was so easy to write for me... why is very very unclear.

Did any stories shift your perceptions of the characters?

I don’t... think it did no. Not what I can come to think of.

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?

I tried writing action, but that’s more of a challenge than a risk I guess. I don’t think I took any risks per say but I challenged myself a little with action. I’ve also tried to work on my descriptions, both nature and clothing. Not a risk, but a challenge.

What are your fic writing goals for next year?

Wips I really want to finish: - Sequel to For as long as I am breathing - “Suffer suffer scream in pain” aka a gore piece I’m working on - A new merboy fic

General goals - Get better at descriptions - Work on writing action scenes - Be a bit better at editing - Write around 300k - Start working on my own original piece

That was everything... I think! 2018 has been an amazing year for me, writing wise, but I’m a bit sad I didn’t get back to it earlier. However, the response I’ve gotten this year has been amazing  and I don’t have enough works to express my gratitude.

Thank you!

[melonbreadreviews-blog]

Playing ‘The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt’ Three Years Later

I’ll admit, I’m often late to the party on major title releases in gaming. I’d like to tell you that it’s an intentional choice of mine, that it’s in my best interest to let the best and worst parts of these landscape altering pieces of art simmer in a pot together. I picked up Bloodborne on a whim three years after its release, and after about a two hour play session, I decided it wasn’t for me; three months later I was glued to my TV every night after work searching every nook and cranny that the hunter’s dream had to offer me.

My point is that buying a game upon its initial release is a commitment to either loving or hating that game. I often feel compelled to shower praise on the solid parts of games that I love, and pressure to explain with hyperbole the games I just couldn’t vibe with. Playing Bloodborne years after its release at a much lower price allowed me to put it down when I didn’t enjoy it, and pick it back up when I needed it. The parts of it that I didn’t like weren’t exacerbated by a pressure to validate my own experiences relative to the gaming community. Likewise, when i picked the game up again, I loved it not because I thought I should, but because the experience itself was legitimately breathtaking.

Three months later, set against the familiar hum and drum of my slowly dying Playstation 4, my experience with CD Projekt Red’s The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt begins. I tried to begin this same journey a few months earlier, but that run died on the starting line in a messy tutorial and a post-Bloodborne haze. One enormous Dragon Quest XI run later, and I’m finally ready to give this journey three years in the making a chance. My expectations are a mixed bag; I carry with me the influences of a thousand burning reddit threads and the weight of an inescapable question: Has this game aged well?

For those of you who aren’t familiar with The Witcher franchise (I’ve never read the series or played a mainline game before touching The Witcher 3, so you’re not alone!), the main plot of the game follows the journey of a Witcher named Geralt as he searches for his protege and ward Ciri while also fending off the primary antagonistic force of the game, the Wild Hunt. Witchers serve as bounty hunters of the region, often dealing with the monsters and villains ordinary folk are incapable of handling themselves. Throughout the game, players can feel the tension in the air between Geralt and the people around him, often including the ones he saves. Witchers exist outside the realm of normalcy in this universe, and to some extent the amount of agency the franchise gives you over the lives of the people who exist around you is a direct cause of the aforementioned tension. Though the social world Geralt inhabits mirrors the dangers of the physical world around him, there are romantic options in the game that allow for a deeper understanding of his character and The Witcher universe. The lore aspect of this game really separates it from similar titles in the same genre.

My first memories of the game still hold true, though my feelings about them have changed. I love the comic style art that flashes across the screen as the game loads, not because it matches the aesthetic of the game, but precisely because it does not. If I compare The Witcher 3 to other iterations of the same genre like Skyrim or Fallout, I find myself enjoying that not every moment of The Witcher is something that I need to take seriously. Sometimes, it’s okay to be reminded of the fact that I am actually playing a game and not living and dying by the decisions I make in this world.

That isn’t to say that decisions in this game don’t matter, though; I find that The Witcher 3 places weight on its decisions in a similar fashion to Mass Effect, rather than Skyrim or Fallout. There are several moments in the game that require a timed quick response in conversations or during action, and those quick responses sometimes dictate both the flow of ongoing dialogue and possible relationships with the characters around Geralt. There are even dialogue options that seem quite diplomatic on the surface, but end in brawls or even death for characters that the player did not expect. These moments are meant to teach the player just how much agency they have over the lives around them; sometimes Geralt feels like a god, and sometimes he feels just as vulnerable to the whims of the world as the people around him.

Normally, worlds that freely give that sort of agency to the player overwhelm me. I feel paralyzed by just how much my choices matter, and my love for the friends I’ve made throughout the story keeps me from playing the game as intended. Through the use of guides and reddit threads, I orchestrate my game in order to keep those characters alive, and that leaves me with less of an experience in the end. The Witcher 3, however, doesn’t leave me paralyzed in the same way. Because much of the main narrative is decidedly linear, Geralt is free to explore the world around him, which includes contracts to kill creatures and free spirits and occasional games of a fairly fun but not too complex card game called Gwent. Not every decision has a role to play in the main story, and the ones that do feel natural in the game’s flow. Geralt is both insanely powerful and incredibly vulnerable, but I never fear for the outcome of his story while enjoying the fun of making decisions.  

The skippable tutorial of the game remains not so skippable considering the amount of experience I have with The Witcher 3’s combat, but I appreciate that I have the option of ignoring it if I decide to run through new game plus. It’s here that the meat of the game comes to the forefront. The reason I initially put down The Witcher 3 was because I didn’t enjoy the flow of combat, which includes the two primary slashing attacks with two variants of weapons, a myriad of magical powers called Signs, and the use of items like bombs, crossbows and oils which can be applied to Geralt’s main weapons. If you’re just judging the combat of the game on the first few hours, The Witcher 3 may not meet your expectations of a major title release. When disjointed in the name of learning, the combat feels clunky, and the first few contracts in the region, especially on higher difficulties, are a major challenge for the uninitiated.

But in the same way I came to love Bloodborne, I’ve come to adore The Witcher 3 because of my journey with it. Sitting through the first few hours of the game, especially in 2018, can be sort of a grind. The story has yet to materialize, the combat is underdeveloped, and Geralt himself can seem unrelatable, but as the hours move on, the game opens up in parallel fashion to the world it encompasses. The combat itself feels incredibly fluid, each piece of it tied together in a way that challenges the player to learn how to be a Witcher, while also rewarding enough to encourage growth and not detract from the side-questing and story that make this game fun. The Witcher 3’s systems include a hearty dodging mechanic that feels clunky outside of battle, but seamless in it, and a parry system that is absolutely necessary on higher difficulties. Geralt’s magic, Signs, interact with objects in the world, but they can also be morphed and shaped into crowd control devices. The ability tree is extensive, but in a way that represents a mixing of action and role-playing. Each playthrough can be different, but Geralt remains much of the same, just upgraded.

Though not combat in a traditional sense, I think The Witcher 3’s in-game card system, Gwent, represents an entirely different method of fighting for players. Though not required, there are various quests given to Geralt in different regions of the game which involved beating skilled Gwent players at cards. While the game involves a little bit of strategy, it’s never overwhelming, and because Gwent isn’t a major factor in the story, it’s skippable for fans who don’t enjoy it. I found myself going from inn to inn, challenging keeps to games for their best cards, and I really came to love a part of the game I didn’t enjoy all that much at first. It’s a missable portion of the game, but it definitely adds dimension to the gameplay without requiring too much effort on the part of the player.

Much of the game’s story is very compelling, and it isn’t saddled with an extensive lore that the player is forced to grapple with. There is lore, yes, but that lore is discoverable all over the world, and it’s the player’s choice to explore it, or not. There is a distinct moment in the first 20 hours or so of the game that allows the player to learn about about Geralt’s relationship with Ciri through dialogue options with another character. The player can listen to all of the heavy lore in the dialogue, or simply skip it. The Witcher 3 is chalk full of story, but it never asks the player to share the burden of that story. In much the way you can flow in and out of the narrative of the story through side-questing and contracts, you can simply choose not to pay attention to certain parts of the main quest line.

That isn’t to say that the story is lacking or is unfocused. There are reasons to want to stay on track, including a wide array of characters who are, though not as interesting as Geralt, incredibly complex. The Witcher 3 does a fantastic job of presenting its best qualities though, and those qualities encourage players to explore the world around them and creative a narrative journey that varies significantly from player to player. Whether or not a player values that storytelling approach, though, depends on their own taste. Personally, I found that I could have my fill of Gwent and monster hunting, and then pick right back up where I left the main story.

The Witcher 3 is not without its faults, despite my glowing praise up to this point. While the world itself is rendered beautifully, I found the interactions with other characters to pose the biggest problems for the game’s graphics. There were times where Geralt’s face would simply teleport all over the screen until the game was able to settle into the set animations for the dialogue, and I distinctly remember an interaction between Geralt and Triss Merigold which involved Triss pressing a hand to her face that was stuck in the Igni battle animation for fire. While these graphical glitches don’t detract from the overall product, they are wrinkles on the surface of the game that begin to show its age. I was surprised that the world remained incredibly stable, save for a few times I found my horse could fit between a clustered group of trees better than I could, while the dialogue options proved incredibly difficult for the animations in the game. It reminded me a lot of my time with Mass Effect, in both good and bad ways. There was a certain novelty, but maybe that novelty is a bit too dated for a Playstation 4 title.

I’d like to end this review where I started, and that is on the subject of playing games years after they’ve already debuted. I wish I was a strong enough person to not feel the pressure that comes with making a commitment to a new title, but I often let reviews and recommendations, either positive or negative, affect the way I experience games. The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt is a near perfect example of my current status as a consumer, because I’ve been able to enjoy all the good that the game has to offer without taking the bad bits too seriously. I did expect the game to be great, of course, but I didn’t expect it to be perfect, and that’s partly because I don’t have a need to be justified in having purchased it. I haven’t tasked myself with deciding The Witcher’s place in history; that’s already been decided. So, for now, I feel quite content to stroll along cobblestone city roads and swampy marshes, living life as a Witcher.

[strmgrl-blog]

         ━━  alright because i suck & always manage to do things late, i've finally come up with some plots i wanted for hyeon ! i've tried my best to include all sorts of ideas ( please don't be shocked that there's a lot of romantic / sexual ones in here i'm annoying ) under the cut. each idea will have a little description & possibly some inspo linked to it. obviously these can all be altered to anyone who might be interested's liking amongst other things. but please let me know if any of y'all are into these so we can perhaps get some shit going, angels ! i’ll probably break these up into sections based on the type or some cute clever shit grjeoifk anyway 

- ̗̀   ♡  =  𝕣𝕠𝕞𝕒𝕟𝕥𝕚𝕔  /  𝕤𝕖𝕩𝕦𝕒𝕝     ̖́- 

- ̗̀   ☯  =  𝕗𝕣𝕚𝕖𝕟𝕕𝕤𝕙𝕚𝕡𝕤  /  𝕡𝕝𝕒𝕥𝕠𝕟𝕚𝕔   ̖́-

- ̗̀   ☠  =   𝕖𝕟𝕖𝕞𝕚𝕖𝕤  /  𝕒𝕟𝕪𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕥𝕠𝕩𝕚𝕔    ̖́-

⌠ ♡ ⌡  ━  okie dokie, this one’s a bit of a doozy to explain but my complicated self is gonna try anyway. so before hyeon’s return to the music industry & move to jeju, she was a pretty popular twitch streamer who would often get many donations & messages every day. this is essentially a sugar daddy plot, okay .. GRHUIJK. umm anyway, one specific donor would often give large sums of money to hyeon along with some really flirtatious message, or not but knowing this bitch she probably took it that way bc she’s starved for affection. she was definitely the type of person to want to know her fans on a personal level so she probably made the first move to talk to this big donor & one thing led to another & suddenly hyeon was agreeing to being their sugar baby. this OF COURSE can 100% be platonic or not, the details can be discussed & altered to however we like. just know that hyeon is gross & wants that attention. 

⌠ ☯ ⌡  ━  this is what i like to call operation make hyeon feel important. after leaving her company & starting up her own solo ( practically indie ) career, hyeon essentially left behind everything toxic & bad in her life. including friends. being in jeju, a new place where she knows nobody is hard & has made her feel even more alone than before. please just give this bitch some good ol’ fashioned wholesome best friend shit. hyeon fully believes in the idea of having platonic soulmates & hopes to actually have one, someone she can tell all her bullshit to without feeling like she has to escape immediately after. just ... somebody she feels comfortable with, which admittedly might be a challenge but i’m willing to think of something i’m fucking emo.

⌠ ♡   +   ☠ ⌡  ━  okay so, again, a bit of a doozy tbh. if you read my intro for this baby then you’d know that her parents harassed her for money last year in october. hyeon has worked extremely hard to bury her life, her past, from anyone who might be curious enough to find out who she really is & where she came from. while she was born in busan & partially raised there, there was no doubt people she grew up with. i was thinking, in a cruel manner, imagine if someone from her past who knows about her childhood & buried past suddenly found her once more on jeju & threatened to spill the beans about south korea’s most beloved star ! perhaps in exchange for their silence hyeon agrees to pay them or to date them ( listen ,,, what abt an obsessed fan type of thing holy shit bye )

⌠ ♡   +   ☠ ⌡  ━  hyeon already is a pretty tainted soul. there’s scattered pieces of her all around & she can never seem to place them together. so what if, just maybe, hyeon meets someone who is just as lost & deranged as she is & just maybe something sparks between them. both of them are aware of the negative effect they have on one another but the intense flame between is too much to ignore & always find their way back to each other. friends with benefits but with that forbidden emotion & hidden feeling beneath the surface. 

⌠ ☯ ⌡  ━  can i get a uhhhh strong group of supportive female friends ? listen. i love the aesthetic of that group of women who just STEAM ROLL anyone. they’re strong for each other & love each other, being a system of rocks & tenderness. gimme det girl gang shit ! please. 

⌠ ☠ ⌡  ━  alright how about a good ol’ fashioned rivals type of shit ? maybe they’re both artists of some sort, some weird beef was created between the pair ( maybe they just didn’t vibe together or some stupid shit ) but they’re friendly to each other’s faces but back stabbing lying ass HOES otherwise. this would probably have to be with a male because hyeon simply doesn’t believe in hating a Woman she’d rather kermit GIFUDJKL

⌠ ♡   +   ☯ ⌡  ━  so uh ... i love Pain ! i was thinking of something long distance, alright. like maybe some sort of pen pal type thing, hyeon definitely would have done something like this because she’s lonely. eventually writing letters to one another evolved into texting daily, then skyping, then not being able to gop more than three hours without needing to talk to each other or see one another’s face. this could end with some unrequited feelings or shared feelings or just some idk. emo shit. or even another take on this could be like ... they meet on a dating app, the other person thinks hyeon is a catfish because why would this idol be on tinder ? they end up talking anyway & when they finally meet they see it’s actually hyeon & chaos ensues IRGEHJFKM idk ...

⌠ ♡   +   ☠ ⌡  ━  ummm give me someone who catches hyeon bashing someone’s skull in one night in a flurry of rage & idk maybe teaches her on how to be better & more efficient at killing. it’s dirty & grueling, but more addicting than the drugs they pump in their veins.

& ... that’s it for now probably ! i should’ve put some really generic ones in here more than likely but i really just thrive on being extremely specific & annoying. anyway ! if anyone is interested in any of these, or multiples, please like this or just let me know & ruin my fucking life  (✿ヘᴥヘ)

[themrsdiaries]

Milan’s Birth Story

A week ago I went into labor and had a baby completely unmediated and if you asked me two weeks ago if that was the plan I would have laughed at you, like big, howling laugh! “Give me the drugs” was basically the first thing I told my nurse with Zara but with Milan’s birth, I didn’t even have time for an IV! If you’re a birth story lover and enjoy scouring the web for fun stories like I do, keep on reading!

I woke up last Saturday morning, April 25, at 4am feeling veryyy minor contractions that could have easily been dismissed as Braxton Hicks, which should have been my first clue because I never got any Braxton Hicks with either pregnancy, but I thought maybe this time around it would be different. They came every hour but weren’t painful enough to stop me from going about my day. I got ready, attended a Zoom meeting with my Lead Pastor and other staff wives and simply said “I’m getting some baby vibes so it could be soon but nothing crazy right now...” little did I know she would be in my arms a few hours later. I put Zara down for her nap at about 1pm and decided to go lay down to see if the contractions would stop. They didn’t but they still weren’t that painful. Disclaimer: I like to labor at home as much as I can cause the thought of going in and realizing I was at a 2 or not far enough along for them to admit me just doesn’t sound fun so basically my philosophy is stay home until I can’t stand the pain anymore and then go to the hospital...jokes on me this time! While laying down I began realizing that the contractions were steadily picking up in pressure and coming more often. I Facetime’d my mom and told her what was going on but I STILL didn’t think this was it. By about 3pm, I could tell things were progressing and told Tim we should just go in to have them see how things were progressing so I could get some clarity. Disclaimer Pt 2: I opted not to have my OBGYN check me at prior appointments because it’s not the most pleasant experience and I’d just rather not know. Unless there is a medical reason as to why they need to check, I opt out and like being just as surprised as everyone else. The contractions at this point are steadily increasing and I was beginning to get emotional because I knew I had to go but also knew Zara was sleeping and I was devastated thinking about leaving without saying goodbye. I Facetime’d my mom AGAIN who convinced me to wake her up to say goodbye and to tell her that I was going to see how sissy was doing. So back upstairs I went at 4:08pm to say I love you, I’ll see you soon and to let her know I’ll probably have sissy with me when I come back. It was a moment I’ll never forget. No one prepares you for the feeling of leaving your one baby up until that point to bring another one into the world and I’m so happy Tim was able to catch this last photo of us.

I got into the car at about 4:25pm after putting some final things in my hospital bag and that’s when things really began to pick up. Looking back I think having said goodbye to Zara gave my body the permission it needed mentally to give birth. It’s super weird to explain but in the car was when things REALLY picked up. I was in the front seat and literally could not sit. I was facing the back of the car bear hugging the front seat with all of my strength during the contractions. I had Tim put on “Man Of Your Word” by Maverick City Music and endured the 20 min car ride. I knew things were happening and knew they were happening fast...and Tim drove literally the opposite of that hitting EVERY. SINGLE. RED. LIGHT. It got to the point where I told him he had to run every single one or I would be having the baby in the car. He didn’t listen to me and would patiently wait at each one as I secretly plotted his murder. He would keep telling me “5 more minutes, 3 more minutes” based off of the GPS and looking back I think that helped me get through. We pulled up at 4:45pm and I told him to run and get somebody. There was no way I was walking in with the pain I was having. Nurses came running out with a wheelchair and I told them there was no way I could sit at this point so I powered through one more contraction and walked to triage where things REALLY, REALLY picked up. In the room, I felt my body needing to push and before I even had the chance to undress my water broke right then and there. I was sweating profusely and I knew it was go-time. Tim wasn’t allowed in at this point so he went to park the car. I was in agony and gave the nurse absolutely no chance of seeing how far along I was. I was in pain and I needed drugs. I was quite literally begging for them. I was not prepared to push a baby out unmedicated but once my water broke I knew there was going to be no other option. She finally checked me and immediately walkied for everyone possible to get me on a stretcher and the room ready. I could tell she knew this baby was coming fast and all the while Tim was still standing outside. A storm of nurses came in, a doctor I had never met got suited up and I was ready to push. There was no stopping Milan even though I begged multiple times for drugs and each time the nurses told me I was way too late and she would be here in literally 10 minutes. I had to power through. I pushed once and they saw her head. The nurse then had the audacity to ask me what Tim’s number was so she could call him and tell him to come in. In agony I told her his number and she called him to come in immediately. I was literally screaming in pain at this point. There was no “birthing breathing mama goddess” moments at all. It was straight drama every single push. LOL! The nurses and doctors did their best to control my efforts and I finally got into a rhythm that lasted maybe 4 minutes. When contractions came, I would tell them and within 3 pushes, she was here. 29 minutes from arriving at the hospital she arrived at 5:14pm. They finally were able to get an IV into me so I could get morphine and deliver the placenta somewhat peacefully. Tim and I both were in complete shock at how fast it all went down and how beautiful she was! Tim was maybe with me for 10 minutes and luckily didn’t miss it. Milan came earthside completely perfect and healthy and once the morphine hit, I was in a dream world and so, so happy it went by so fast so I could get home even faster.

I requested immediately that they send me home as soon as I could (I hate staying at hospitals!) and they said if all went well with Milan and I, we would be discharged at 5pm the next day. After eating dinner, I was wheeled to our maternity suite and along the way every nurse said “congratulations, but please come in earlier next time” ... LOL! Nurses truly are the heroes of this world! We were able to spend a glorious 24 hours with just Milan and after passing all of her tests, meeting with her pediatrician and requesting to leave probably 17 times LOL, they let us go. I was up and at it probably 2 hours after delivery and was ready to GET OUT. I really like getting home and getting situated, showering in my own shower, and knowing Zara was there made it even more sweeter. I can’t wait to tell Milan her story and if her entry into this world is any indication of the person she will be, she is going to be a force to be reckoned with. So here’s to giving birth with no meds in the midst of a global pandemic ... guess I can check that one off the list!

[360degreesasthecrowflies]

FarscapeWatch 03: 1.03 ‘Exodus From Genesis’

Well, here we are folks. I watched the first few episodes a bit out of order after noticing a little late that the order I was watching in wasn't the intended broadcast order, and trying to correct that midway through with limited success. This was actually the second full episode I watched, so my reaction to it was a little coloured by it seeming to come as a direct follow-up to the premiere, yet acting as if they'd been in space bonding for weeks already. It was a little confusing! Having now seen 1.02 I, E.T. in full, I think I can better appreciate this one. Ish. Let's jump in.

~~

We open on Rygel...painting. Quite badly. And eating. Jump to D'Argo and John...D'Argo encouraging John to eat a bug to clean his teeth. Lovely.

Aeryn is in command of the ship. A cloud of debris is blocking their path. Everyone is still very colour-coded and very four humours. Aeryn's black and John's tan/off-white and Zhaan's blue to D'Argo's red are for sure deliberate.

Okay so they're goind to hide behind the debris to avoid a scan from another ship. Clever. Aeryn's idea. Pilot is grateful. Now there's a friendship I didn't expect, but hey, I guess she's used to practicality and tools and Pilot is effectively just an interface with a face.

The 'debris' turns out to be space bugs. Damn. Hope this isn't a gross episode. This has to earn its adults-only rating somewhere.

Post-credits, open on Aeryn and John. We learn a bit of Aeryn's history while she explains a little about Peacekeeper tactics. John makes a pretty weak joke but... despite myself, I do find him kinda charming. There's a twinkle there. I'm starting to think John could end up as adorkable due to being a fish out of water here, despite his position as a skilled scientist and Dude on Earth. I hope they go that way anyway, it would be interesting.

Oh. I love this. John starts to give a typical 90s afterschool special speech about them having to stick together and Aeryn interrupts sarcastically, amused at the very concept of them becoming friends, or worse, FAMILY. I miss me a character like that on tv, I'm almost getting Cordelia vibes, although the characters in other ways couldn't be more different.

Cut to Zhaan for the first time. She's with Rygel, helping clean up things that spilled when they first hit the debris field. She's such an interesting character, especially as the blue, and all of what blue normally signifies. Calmness is one, but coldness is another, and that's something we only see flashes of. So often, Zhaan is apart from the group, even while being a little like the group's mother or spiritual leader. She makes a good show of that being because of her status, or because, perhaps, of her age, but at times there are flashes that she simply thinks herself better than the others. And here's another; she mocks Rygel's painting with a smile on her face, projecting gentleness to hide the thorn, then proceeds to paint over it using her creepy super speed. It's a slightly random scene, used to give a bit more depth into Rygel mainly, and makes me wonder if what the writers are doing with Zhaan is deliberate or not. She's definitely the most interesting character for me thus far.

[So all through these scenes there are intermittent cuts to something watching the crew from the shadows; presumably it's the bugs, unless they've Alien-style mutated into some new second-level form]

Cut back to Aeryn and John. She's warm, and D'Argo reports that the ship's temperature is abnormally high. Aeryn is shot in the leg by something...one of the bugs, but it must be a light wound as she doesn't really react, nor does John notice as she was behind a table at the time. It shoots her again in the hand and this time she notices, but dismisses it as a splinter of metal. What will it be, poison? Aeryn out of action this episode?

They split off to search the ship to see why it's overheating as they don't know from diagnostics. Zhaan with John. He complains a bit to her about the others not respecting him; she is not quick to correct his view of her as separate from them! Very sly. She advises him he must win their respect. Unfortunately, although I'm a little charmed by this scene, it does also play as being aimed at quite a young audience. Just a 90s thing maybe?

So despite Zhaan's idea that no-one should search alone, she and John almost immediately split up after their heart to heart. Genius.

Cut to John. There's a bug in his quarters and holy shit these are big buggers! D'Argo and Aeryn over the intercom are no help and unsympathetic, telling him he must capture it. This will no doubt be a John-proves-his-worth episode then.

These bugs are nasty. John manages to catch it in his blanket and then beats it to death while inside. Not exactly capturing! Nice work, science guy...

Next scene; Zhaan is dissecting it. Another to add to her laundry list of skills. All she needs now is to be able to fly and she's got the whole set.

Okay so there's a whole load of these things on the ship. For the second episode in a row we have a plot that relies on Rygel being small enough to investigate/go through small holes. Hmm. While I'm not averse to that necessarily from a worldbuilding standpoint, it does seem a bit of an easy out to let the character still be a pain in the ass... although, on that point, I guess this is a twist on the special-skilled cleric/mage character being only too happy to help. I wonder which came first, the character design of making a small character to test the puppetry and make the world more alien, or, once that character was established, hastily building plots around small doors and passageways to give him something to do?

So we're 20 minutes in and it seems we've established the basic plot; the ship is going to overheat because the bugs for whatever reason are affecting the ventilation, so we need them removed. Somehow. Although they're heavily outnumbered.

Ah, so Aeryn can't take the heat. (So stay out of the kitchen?) That's an interesting weakness to have but I guess it's not hard to film and will open up interesting plot restrictions later down the line. Of course, they need a weak point to take Aeryn out of commission as it's between her and Zhaan for who's the most competent character aboard this ship.

Skip back to John and D'Argo for a bit of exposition. D'Argo is still fantastically racist, he hates all of Aeryn's kind - but he's going to make an exception for her. John is a little too shocked by this I feel, but then, I guess this was made in an optimistic,, pre 9/11 world.

Aeryn and Pilot is an interesting pairing. Also bloody hell Pilot is huge. (Pairing in terms of onscreen together, pretty sure Pilot is asexual)

Cut to Rygel exploring and wow, I hope they gave James Cameron a bit of credit for this episode, he's literally come across Ripley's Alien Queen egg chamber. Let me guess, they're raising the temperature to incubate, a la Aliens.

Well fuck me a bug stabbed Zhaan. Good storywriting though, take out the most competent characters one by one. That was a nasty stab but old bluey will probably be fine, god knows what she's made of. Cut to Aeryn who is also passed out, and now we're back to John, everyone seems to've gone radio silence... and well shit, there is now another John. That's a turn I did not foresee this episode taking. (I guess we have to vary it up away from *Aliens* pretty rapidly now after those last few scenes just to avoid infringing anything or stepping on anyone's toes.) Now, will this be a bug thing or will it be due to something else, just their luck?

New John also has the same clothes.  Mirror thing? Oh they're fighting, typical. Seems incapable of speech? Quite well shot esp for the 90s, doing twin scenes is never easy as anyone who's been watching Orphan Black (RIP! :( ) can attest to.

Okay so the clone people are bugs. Somehow. Rygel is trapped by a horde of them watching them spawn. Zhaan is somewhere. D'Argo, Aeryn and John are in command...and now I feel like the Big Brother voiceover person so I'm going to stop this. The crew are a bit hopeless, the heat is still going up making it hard to think and neither D'Argo or John are particularly the brains of the operation here.

Thank god, Zhaan comes in. She still has that stabby spike in her neck/chest but she is up and walking about doing her thing, what a trooper. She goes to have one of the others help her remove it and ohshit, now she's possessed. So I guess the bugs are somehow psychic now as well as being transformers and mad scientist cloners and a big cloud of space dust. Why not eh?

Because everything was going so well already.

Interesting. Removing Zhaan is a clever way to give John a level-up as Aeryn is out of action and D'Argo is reckless; John here has to use logic to stop him from slicing Zhaan in two while she is possessed because he forgets she isnt a clone. Smart writing as a way to empower the seemingly lowest-level member of the team. Crichton is Farscape's Squirrel Girl.

(Plot wise, essentially the bugs accuse our heroes of starting fighting with them instead of vice versa. That's some Trumpian logic.)

So yeah the hive has landed in the ship to reproduce because obviously space is cold, okay. This seems like a slightly 101 plot that, again, could have been lifted right out of Alien(s).

So, with Aeryn out and Zhaan out, John takes halfway command - mental, leaving D'Argo as the enforcer. It's interesting that the show seems to be in some ways agreeing with my early assessment of the characters' competencies and usefulness order. Especially because, if John is meant to be the actual central character, that requires devolving competency and narrative centrality to two 'alien', Other self-styled side characters. I guess in some ways that's usual with traveller adrift stories, though.

This is an aside, but an interesting parallel I'm feeling with this character structural setup is to Neon Genesis Evangelion. Zhaan being, of course, Rei, Aeryn Asuka, and Crichton himself a more self-assured, but equally, more fish out of water Shinji. I guess that leaves D'Argo as Makanami and Rygel as Misato's penguin?

Back to plot. The bugs want to keep raising the heat. John points out that if they do that, Moya will die and then the heat will go completely off, killing all the spawning bugs - the hive head's children. We cut to truce, and interestingly, John has taken pure command now, D'Argo is fussing over Zhaan and Aeryn is by all accounts, out for the count, and has managed to change into what looks like an anachronistic little black dress... guess if you're going to suffocate and burn to death, might as well do it in style. Rygel is still awol.

Zhaan is back in business. The four humanoids are isolated off in a small room that, perhaps, will be not so hot? Who knows.

Okay so now the ship has been invaded by randoms. Because this plot wasn't already bloated enough. They're Peacekeepers, and are attacked by replicants. Handy.

Pilot alerts our heroes that the ship has been invaded; the alien bug leader of course takes these new invaders as proof that the crew have broken the truce and cranks up the heat again.

We cut to the Peacekeepers roaming the ship, killing every clone they come across, and I can't help thinking how much fun I'm sure the actors had getting to die and act surprised and fall over in these scenes. Something else to take away; Zhaan's maxi dress robe reveals itself here to actually be more akin to capri pants. In 1998! Add fashion forward to her laundry list of skills and attributes.

The Peacekeepers are pleasingly gender mixed.

Aeryn wants John to promise to kill her, as a friend, to save her from a painful death with her brain melting. I can't help but think D'Argo would do it.

Cut to more action scenes. Then cut to Rygel. The crew have decided to send him in - or he's decided it himself, it's fuzzy - to negotiate with the bug leader in person. He is actually quite respectful if pompous and gives it gravitas. I can't quite help though but feel this plot twist is just a little of an attempt to give every one of the main characters a key role to play and something to do, here while they're still establishing.

Honestly so far, I feel like this episode is dragging. There's a bit too much going on and most of the cast are just playing to their core characteristics, while being split up, while a whole bunch of side characters come in. That's just me though.

Okay so Rygel strikes a deal. Now the crew strike another deal with the alien leader; now the Peacekeepers are attacking the bugs, our heroes will drive them off if...the bugs will forgive them? idk, because John also lets them crank the heat up more even though that's torture to Aeryn. I'm not quite following this plot beyond the bare bones.

So another aside, Bechdel test. Zhaan offers now to stay with Aeryn while the boys go and greet the Peacekeepers. I'm unsure, three episodes in, if Zhaan and Aeryn have yet directly interacted. Now, I'm not surprised because they're two women - it's not like vaginas necessarily commune, and tbh, who even knows what any of these folk have under their suits - but I am surprised that the two most competent characters as I've seen them haven't really yet compared notes. I guess in many ways they are foils, but on the flipside, that would be in itself a reason for them to have interacted. Anyway, this comes up because Aeryn, instead of being left with Zhaan, needs to be reassured by John before he leaves.

Now, tbh, I'm torn how I feel about John's defensiveness of, and implicit connection with Aeryn, this feels a little...soon... and also just a touch away from looking after her in the hopes she'll fall into his arms. I'm a little unnerved too, that she asks of him amercy, and he refuses to even consider the thought of acquiescing to her request. It's for honorable reason; because he believes she won't die or come close to death, but still... overriding a woman's dying wish because you think you know better is not so cool.

Action scenes follow. The PKs are being themselves adversely affected by the heat. This is intercut with scenes of Aeryn going mad.

Okay so they trick the PKs with a bluff; using multiple Crichton clones, they give the PKs the impression that he regenerates and is invincible; as the clones cannot talk, he also takes a chance in staring down the PK leader, armed, while unarmed, to give a speech about his invulnerability. The actor here shows shades of having a steel underneath the bluster that's thus far characterized John Crichton. (ohgod I have just realized the initials and I am hoping this will not turn at some point biblical)

A short fight scene but Crichton ultimately uses words to triumph. It's okay but very self-congratulatory to be honest. I don't dislike John Crichton, but this really was a second focal episode in a row that felt just a little contrived.

Time skip for a coda, everything is okay. D'Argo now respects John more. Good because THAT conflict was old two episodes ago.

Bug leader briefly possesses Zhaan again to say goodbye and thanks for all the fish. JC walks her back to her rooms and they have a heart to heart, and I've realized what it is I'm disliking, the focus on John in these episodes is unnatural. We only see a scene, generally, if John's in it. Nobody else is bonding that much except here and there as a nod to establish interactions. I'm hoping that changes.

Still. This show was a contemporary of Xena, which was hardly outstanding in that field.

End up for this episode. Aeryn and JC in a new location, 'the terrace' according to Pilot. Aeryn is back in her black leathers, thank god. Oh, they are leaning IN to this ship. Aeryn takes a step towards a truce with John with a joke about lesser lifeforms, double meaning; humans and bugs. And we close with them watching the...sunset? Thank god that's over.

So, ultimately I think this might tie with episode 1 for my least favourite so far. This episode felt overstuffed and my favourite characters pushed to the sidelines. Still, there was some character work done. Let's get into the beats.

 CHARACTER BEATS

JOHN

This episode is VERY John-heavy. His baptism of fire, getting Zhaan on-side and then moving to impress D’Argo and Aeryn…I guess everyone forgets about Rygel again. John shows a lot of skills in this episode, but it gets to the point where you almost wonder why we need the others, if John’s there to be the voice of reason, the warrior, the scientist, the logic, the negotiator, the moral centre, and the big damn hero. And all those in an episode where we’re supposed to believe he’s doubting himself and his skills! Okay then…

 ZHAAN

Zhaan, even though out of action for a lot of this episode, still is at a lot of her best. With every episode I find myself wondering what exactly she CAN’T do… but somehow, she’s not a Mary Sue either. I’m still unsure what age she is, especially as I already am sensing the seeds of the writing trying to move her into something of a mother figure role. I’m not sure if she needs to be older to contrast with Aeryn; two women can be a similar type or age in the same show without the universe imploding, even in 1999. This episode sees Zhaan the medic, Zhaan the telepath, and Zhaan the peacekeeper with a small p. I’m still sensing that Zhaan could have elements of danger within her though; no-one is that self-assured without knowing they have the ability to back it up.

 D’ARGO

Third time in a row this isn’t a great episode for D’Argo, and right now I can’t see him being anyone in the audience’s favourite character. I’m suspecting more character beats will come through at some point though, frankly, because D’Argo design-wise isn’t good looking enough to be able to keep going just as eye candy and a walking anger issue, as some ‘big guy’ characters are in other shows.

 RYGEL

Well…Rygel gets things to do in this episode, but generally is humiliated. I don’t know, I really didn’t like this episode so much. Rygel pulls diplomacy out of the hat, inspired by an ancestor, I guess…but I feel it loses its weight because I’m still not quite sure how old Rygel is. Also, although it was painted as a triumph that Rygel negotiated…I’m still not sure what it was he negotiated. At least he seems not to hate the others so much, but at the same time, he still feels a little apart from the group, which is already a little fragmentary.

AERYN

Aeryn is also not that well served by this episode. We see a few excuses to get her out of her clothes and generally helpless, and the narrative implies that this might be coincidence, but it might also be penance for her previous self-assuredness. Her desire to be mercy killed as well is also laughed off and unacknowledged; yes, it privileges John the human’s ways of doing things over the brutal Peacekeepers, but it also walks over Aeryn’s choices and desires just on a whim. Nice. This episode also leans hard into what it poses as a mutual closeness between John and Aeryn that I’m just not sure is at this point earned, it does edge almost into Tarzan and Jane territory. Eek.

 PLOT POINTS AS OF 1.03

They’re still on the run. They’re bonding. There is shipping. That’s kinda where we are now.

 WHAT THIS EPISODE ADVANCED:

Honestly, not a lot. We learn a weakness for both Aeryn and Zhaan, that plots need to be heavily contrived to feature Rygel prominently, and that John Crichton has hidden depths when needed, some steel there. Forgive the shade, fans, but this one just didn’t do it for me.

 CHARACTER RANKING AS OF 1.03:

1)      Zhaan

2)      John

3)      Aeryn

4)      Pilot

5)      Rygel

6)      D’Argo

And that’s it for this episode of FarscapeWatch! Check back in my Farscape 2017 section on my blog (also linked on the homepage) for my next episode reviews, as they come! Or feel free to give me a follow to catch all of my stuff ;)

Also, if you’re enjoying these, feel free to shoot me a message or comment :3 Sorry we’ve been a late at getting them out, pesky real life getting in the way! Also, would you guys like me to put a cut in instead of running these as one huge post? Let me know!