#but I am not comfortable only in absolutes

[slytherinboysvip]

Imagine best friend Mattheo being absolutely obsessed with his innocent little Hufflepuff bsf but she just can’t tell. Everyone else knows, and it is quite obvious, but she just can’t think someone like him would want someone like her. But when she jokingly says she’s gonna get Cedric to take her virginity he decides it’s time he came clean.

Possibly with some soft smut if you are comfortable with it of course

bsf mattheo riddle x hufflepuff reader

hopefully this matches your request <3 i’ll most likely make a part 2 for this because.. you’ll see ;) 3.5k words

you lived a rather simple uncomplicated life, attending hogwarts as a hufflepuff with no interest in anyone’s drama. though you kept to yourself most times you tried to be nice to all your peers maintaining your classic hufflepuff demeanor, despite this there was one thing that was different about you.

you see, you didn’t see or understand why people don’t like other houses just because of “house rivalry” especially the students who weren’t even participating in any sports or point winning. and with this over your years though you had few friends you had one best friend who at first seemed rather impossible to be friends with.. mattheo riddle.

when you two met you were a fourth year and him a fifth, coincidentally you were going on to a few friends about your annoyance with people automatically assuming the worst of slytherin even though you yourself weren’t in their house or nearly like one. mattheo overheard this heated- adorable voice coming from behind him and he walked towards you carefully.

he sat down in front of you beside your friend as she gawked faces towards you at his presence. “you don’t think we’re too mean, huh?” he questioned small laugh leaving his lips. “i just think that some people are misunderstood and just because some wizards turned out bad doesn’t mean all of them in your house are” you looked at him answering his question with ease

he smirked in amusement and leaned a little closer to you “hm, hufflepuff eh? what year are you puff?” he sat back examining you and you didn’t fail to notice that nickname he slipped in “fifth year but i have an early birthday which is annoying because i could technically be out sooner” you sighed ignoring his staring.

“well, seeing as it’s ravenclaw against gryffindor do you wanna watch the quidditch game with me i know the best view” he stood up and held his hand out for you, you look towards your friends and they’re both nodding their heads for you to go so you did.

from that point on you and mattheo had been best friends, sadly he was in his seventh year and now you in your sixth nothing much had changed in your life. living vicariously through mattheo and his stories about slytherin parties and how you should go to one with him before it’s too late, he’d tell you about his sexual adventures and your jaw would drop everytime.

you yourself also confided in him though with much less interesting things, telling him how you feel unlikeable by guys sometimes because they never try to get or talk to you, or how you feel lonely because you’ve never had a a boyfriend before. hed always help soothe the thoughts away, telling you that it’s only your brain making those things up , “listen y/n, anyone who doesn’t love you is fucking insane”.

𓆙

talking to your friend zarah who’d been there since day one you always told her what you told matt, for the most part. “i just don’t get why nobody is interested in me zar, like am i genuinely that ugly” you plopped onto your bed sighing dramatically. “you’re not ugly and if you think no guys want you you’re blind i know one in particular that really, really wants you” she giggled.

you looked at her with a confused expression “i must be missing something because i have no idea who you’re talking about” you awaited her response and she just rolled her eyes and sighed “girl your practically boyfriend of a best friend you do everything with” she gave you a duh look and you just laughed. you genuinely couldn’t believe she’d even think he’d like you especially with all the girls he’d been with, “you’re hilarious, we both know he doesn’t want me he wants all the girls he tells me about” you started to compose yourself but zarah’s expression didn’t change.

“you literally must be blind y/n do you need glasses? or should i say puff? let’s talk about how that man hasn’t stopped calling you that pet name since you’ve met.. he’s in love” she rolled her eyes raising her hands in the air. “i still don’t think he wants me so there’s no convincing me” you shrugged her off and she groaned getting up and leaving your shared dorm.

𓆙

“puff you gotta come to this party, slytherin won agains gryffindor i just know this is gonna be the party you want to go to pleaseee” mattheo put his hands on your shoulders shaking you “fiinee” you attempted to answer between shakes before he let you go “if i would’ve known it was that easy i would’ve done that years ago” he rolled his eyes.

“anyways it’s tonight at like 8 so i’ll just get you from your dorm at like 7 do you think they’ll let me in? actually what’s the password?” he didn’t give you time to finish any of your sentences before you just gave him the password “butterscotch” you whispered, in response mattheo laughed “fucking butterscotch merlin that’s hilarious” you looked up at him and rolled your eyes walking away.

“i’ll see you at 7 puff” he yelled across the hall and you just gave a thumbs up and continued walking. you honestly were quite nervous seeing as you’ve never necessarily been to a party before, you’ve made small appearances at hufflepuff parties but you’ve heard they don’t even compare to slytherin.

making your way into your dorm you spot zarah and you pull her up from the common room couch “i finally said yes to a party need help now” you quickly mumbled and she quickened her pace “when does it start girl i need the info right this second come on you’re talking too long for me” she rushed and you blurted it all out “8pm he’s getting me at 7 he has the password he will be at the dorm” closing the door behind you two you both stopped to catch your breath

“sooo is it a dateee” she shimmied her arm on you winking “i already told you he doesn’t like me!!” you replied to her relentlessness. “ugh whatever we need to get you ready girl it’s already six” she pushed you onto your shared vanity chair and pulled out all of your makeup and a few things of hers, “creative control?” she asked smirking at you “mm fine but not too much” you agreed “we’ll see” she giggled.

after around 30 minutes she finished your makeup and she showed you the finished product, looking at yourself in the mirror you thought how you never would’ve put on red lipstick yet you feel really good in it. she gave you a small smokey eye and a small winged liner and you felt you looked more aggressive then you were, but you kinda loved it.

“it’s so much but so pretty” you admired yourself and the makeup she put on you slowly getting used to the feeling of fake eyelashes on your eyes. “i’m so glad you love it, but we need to find an outfit like three hours ago” she joked and rushed to your closets “i actually have the perfect dress in mind if you’re feeling the want to rep slytherin green” she raised her eyebrows up at you in a suggestive matter “sure why not” you shrugged

she handed you a velvet body con forest green dress that you were sure was going to be extremely short and you mean in every place. she held it up onto you “this will be perfect. get it on come on” she rushed you into the bathroom and you began putting it on “this is sooo tight” you called out as you struggled “oh i forgot it was a corset back wait i need to help you can i come in” she yelled through the door

“yeah come on i need this thing one me already” you struggled more as she walked in and immediately began to help you loosening the strings of the dress and pulling it down onto you “there we go now suck in like your life depends on it” she said half jokingly and began retightening the corset back. with every pull it felt like your chest was spilling out more and more and your ribs were shrinking “okay merlin that’s enough before i can’t breathe” you huffed and she stopped tying it off in a bow

“stop you look so hot y/n i bet matt will be drooling” she teased and you just rolled your eyes “what do we do with my hair” you looked at her with horror as you only had ten minutes before he should arrive. you quickly began curling your hair not really caring if it was messy just giving it some body and just as you were spraying perfume on there was a knock on your door.

zarah looked at you and whispered “answer it go go now” she pointed to the door like she was afraid to touch it herself and you walked over opening it to see mattheo in an all black button down with the top few buttons undone and black dress looking pants yet somehow he didn’t look overdressed. he didn’t say anything for a minute he was just staring at you looking up and down in awe “holy fuck y/n who did your makeup you look woah” he put his finger on your chin moving your head around examining your makeup

“zarah isn’t it pretty” you smiled and he removed his hand and replied “yeah you are, now let’s go” he grabbed your hand and you looked behind you waving bye to zarah “he’s so in love with you” she whispered before the door slammed closed.

𓆙

once you got the the party you noticed there were already many slytherins already pregaming and mattheo brought you two to them, “let’s get some alcohol in you little puff” he winked and poured you a shot of who knows what, you smelled the foul drink and it made your nose burn “come on do ittt” he cheered on and you held your nose throwing the shot back gagging at the taste. “how do people enjoy that” you made a face at him “like this” he replied taking two shots himself, “now catch up” he winked pouring you yet another

“if i didn’t know any better id say you’re trying to get me drunk matt” you laughed and he looked at you amused “obviously that’s what im trying to do it’s a party” he put the shot glass to your lips and you parted them taking the burning substance down your throat, “eugh that didn’t get any better the second time” you shook your head in disgust. “hm, let me make you an actual drink” he grabbed a clear liquor and a red juice mixing them together adding more alcohol than your past two shots and handed it to you

“matt this smells foul” you looked up at him, “just try it trust me the slytherins have the masking drink down” he winked and you reluctantly took a sip, and to your surprise all you tasted was juice. after taking another few sips you quick began drinking it and mattheo pulled the cup from your lips “slow down there this shits dangerous you’ll get so drunk you won’t be able to walk straight” he chuckled. “it’s not my fault they made it taste like juice” you shrugged still sipping.

“hey mattheo have your little hufflepuff take some shots with us” enzo threw his arm around your shoulders and mattheo pushed them off almost immediately “no she doesn’t need any shots” he spoke “you didn’t even ask me” you protested, granted you didn’t necessarily want to take any shots you just didn’t like being talked for. “oo are you sure you’re not slytherin you got an attitude” enzo laughed handing you a shot and you looked at mattheo who rolled his eyes as you took the shot.

throwing the shot back the burning sensation took over your throat and you could feel it rushing down your throat. you coughed a bit and chugged your drink for comfort “puff you’re going to get shitfaced slow down” matt fully took your cup this time and you were already feeling it. giggling looking up at him “okay now who was going to tell me party’s are fun” you continued giggling.

the music started playing and the slytherin common room was now getting more and more packed. you saw fifth year students and up in here, even a few ravenclaw and hufflepuffs your recognized. to your surprise in the corner of the party you spotted cedric diggory talking to a group of girls holding a drink.

pansy noticed your head being stuck in a certain direction and followed your eyes “oh em gee, someone’s got their eyes on a certain hufflepuff” she winked shoving her shoulder at your “shhhhh he’s just nice to look at” you giggled at her and she giggled along “you two would be soo cute” she added dragging you back to the drinks

“let’s take some shots!” she exclaimed handing you two , you took them smiling and shot them back with her, a woo leaving her mouth. “here chaser, chaser!” she shouted handing you another drink this time what looked like a lot of the punch, downing it all she laughed “girl we’re gonna be gone”. looking around you were seeing doubles of everything but didn’t want the night to already end.

“so, are you a virgin?” pansy shouted over the music making your already alcohol flushed face even redder “pansy!! you can’t just ask that!!” you shouted back flustered at the intrusive question, “i’m only curious girl” she giggled and gave you begging eyes “come onnnn” she shook you till you gave in “fine yes i am but don’t tell anyone!” you replied back as lowly as you could over the music

“who would you lose it to?” she giggled “i lost mine to blaise hehe sshhhh” she winked, considering she just told you her secret you felt obligated and just looked around “i mean i guess cedric” you giggled as she pointed at him after your response. before she could say anything else you felt a pair of hands wrap around your waist and drag you off. trying to kick your way out was useless and they brought you to an empty dorm.

through all of this you couldn’t tell who it was kicking and screaming for them to let you go till you heard mattheos voice “puff calm down it’s just me” he sighed putting you down on what you now assumed was his bed “why did you bring me in here that was so scary” you huffed trying to gain your composure. “diggory?” he scoffed not answering your question.

you looked at him confused as to what he was on about “what do you mean? what about cedric” you cocked your head to the side in confusion “you lost your virginity to him??” he questioned stepping closer to you looking rather.. pissed. you just laughed in response “me? lose my virginity to cedric?.. you’re funny” yeah you fantasized about it but it certainly wouldn’t happen.

“what were you talking to pansy about then??” he looked at you unconvinced, “she asked if i lost it and i said no, but id let him take it.-“ you shrugged “besides you know i tell you everything matt i’ve never even had a boyfriend let alone a guy be interested in my virginity” you sighed laying back onto the bed now feeling upset.

you heard mattheo sigh and you picked your head up to look at him, his eyes stared back at you in silence before breaking it “believe me there’s a lot of guys who want to get in your pants” he rubbed his fists and you gave him a confused expression yet again “what are you on about matt?” you were getting sober just from all of this extra mystery.

he walked over to the bed sitting beside you, “listen when we met you were just.. blooming completely and i would be lying if i didn’t say i first went up to you because of your looks.. well overtime you know we became friends and i noticed other guys staring in ways they shouldn’t have been so i had to teach them a lesson.” he looked at you and yo didn’t know how to respond to something like that.

“what exactly are you saying matt?” you didnt understand what he was poking at, did matt mean to say he basically likes you? were you reading too much into this? “look y/n, no one else in this school fucking deserves you. hell i don’t deserve you but i know i can treat you how you need. don’t ask me what took so long to confess to you y/n, but do you feel even remotely the same?” he let it all out quick and fast, and your mouth dropped.

“you want.. me?” you looked at him in disbelief and he just smiled “that’s what that whole speech was about, yeah” he chuckled nervously awaiting your reply “why?” you sighed still slightly unconvinced “have you fucking seen yourself puff? you’re so undeniably gorgeous, i don’t know how i hold myself back from you everyday” he leaned in closer to you making this all seem more real. without thinking you allowed yourself to lean into him, faces and lips meeting for the most magical first kiss you could’ve ever imagined.

“you’re so fucking beautiful y/n” he grabbed your face pulling you closer to him till you straddled over his lap sitting down continuing the now makeout. “this is so much better than.. imagined” you huffed through the kisses. you could already feel mattheos member growing beneath you and you never thought you’d be the one experiencing this from your best friend.

you’d be lying if you didn’t admit to a fantasy or two about him in the past but this was already one thousand times better than ever imagined. mattheos lips kissed their way down your neck leaving small marks tiny moans leaving your mouth, “i need to hear more of that, y/n, let me eat you out.. please i need a taste” he continued his kisses along your neck bringing them back to your lips “i’ve never- mm yes” you replied as his fingers began making circles over your underwear.

“you sound so good fuck” he groaned pulling you off of him and getting off the bed, “you’re sure of this?” he questioned one last time and you just nodded impatiently awaiting his next move. next thing you knew he was yanking you to the edge of his bed and slowly removing your pants and underwear looking up at you from below. “holy fuck puff.. you’re fucking soaking” he breathed out over your pussy sending tingles down your spine.

without warning his mouth met your untouched area and you felt things never imaginable. his tongue made its way around your bulging clit, flicking it up and down and making his way to your entrance sucking and licking “you taste so good holy fuck” he huffed going right back in not even looking up at you, “can i put two fingers” he spoke from your pussy and you couldn’t even properly answer “mm y-yes” you replied between your moans.

you felt his slender fingers teasing your entrance and he slowly began inching one in and out teasingly, “mattheo-“ you huffed and he chuckled shoving both fingers in, loud moan escaping your mouth and this new feeling. he did a few different moments trying to figure out what makes you moan the most, soon his tongue was sucking expertly on your clit as his fingers twisters and curled inside of you.

“matt i want to.. try” you moaned at this pleasure wanting nothing more than to feel him inside of you now. “mm but you’re not ready yet puff” he continued devouring your pussy simply divulging in it as if he’d never eaten anything before. his pace on everything quickened and you were already near your own orgasm, “if you don’t s-stop i’m gonna cum” you moaned loudly trying to control yourself.

“let go for me sweetheart” he sucked harder on your clit, the nickname and action forcing your orgasm to flood over you harder than you’ve ever been able to make yourself experience. your body was shaking and you couldn’t hold your reactions back, mattheo slowly licked your gushing area clean before standing up “mm now i think you’ll be ready soon” he smirked leaning down over you, grabbing your chin and giving you a kiss.

[jockwrites]

selfish - p.b

part: 1

summary: the beginning of “friendship” between you & paige.

warnings: cursing

a/n: hellooooo welcome back to another series, i’m sure this will be fun to write and im excited for you guys to see where this goes!

my eyes drifted across the lecture hall, landing on a familiar face—paige bueckers. obviously, i’d heard so much about the star basketball player, but seeing her in person was different. she was leaning over a textbook, her blonde hair falling forward as she focused intently.

i felt my heart flutter slightly as i took her in. there was something about her demeanor, her strong jawline, and the way her muscles filled out her shirt. i quickly looked away, chiding myself. i kind of forgot i have a boyfriend and what not.

as the lecture began, i found myself sneaking glances at paige every so often. each time, i felt that familiar flutter in my chest. i tried to brush it off as mere admiration for her athletic prowess, but a small voice in the back of my mind whispered that it was more than that. but it can’t be, i have a boyfriend.

after class, i gathered my courage and approached paige as she was packing up her bag. my heart raced as i got closer. “hi, i'm madison. i just wanted tell you i really admire your skills, you know, on the court.”

the voice in the back of my mind was telling me i sounded so very stupid. introducing myself to the paige bueckers? absolutely ridiculous, but worth a shot.

paige looked up and flashed me a warm smile, her blue eyes crinkling at the corners, “hey, thanks! i've seen you around campus. you're in my psych class, right?”

i nodded, feeling a little flustered under her gaze. “yeah, i am,” she stood up and stretched, her arms reaching overhead and making her shirt ride up slightly. i caught a glimpse of her toned stomach and felt a sudden urge to reach out and touch it.

but i can’t be feeling like this. over a girl? no way, i have a boyfriend.

paige's smile lingered as she tucked her book bag over her shoulder. “it's nice to meet you, madison,”she said, her voice low and smooth. “maybe we can study together sometime? psych can be tough.”

i swallowed hard, nodding eagerly. “yeah, that'd be great,” i managed to say. as paige walked away, i watched her retreat, admiring the way she looked with each step. i shook my head, trying to clear it.

what was i doing?

i met up with my boyfriend, jason, later that day. he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close and kissing me deeply. usually, his kisses made my heart race, but today, all i could think about was paige. guilt washed all over me.

no girl has ever made me feel this way, ever. i’ve always considered myself straight, maybe bisexual. but the only reason i’d ever consider myself bi is because i’ll think a girl is cute every now and then.

sure, i’ve kissed a few girls, but i never felt anything. i’ve never felt that kind of connection with girls, ever. well—atleast not the feeling i feel with jason. i love jason, he’s my everything, but i can’t help but shake the feeling of how im lowkey simping for a girl.

—

one weekend, paige and i had spent the day together. no studying, just hanging out. we'd gone to the park, lay on the grass, talking and laughing. i'd felt so at ease with her, so comfortable. too comfortable, maybe.

at one point, she'd leaned against me, her head on my shoulder. i'd stiffened at first, surprised. then i'd relaxed, enjoying the warmth of her body against mine. i'd even slipped my arm around her, pulling her closer.

it had felt... nice. too nice. i’ve started to love looking at her mouth, wondering what it would be like to kiss her. i'd quickly pushed the thought away, guilt washing over me. i have a boyfriend, i reminded myself sternly. i can't be thinking about kissing paige.

but i couldn't stop thinking about it. days turned into a week, and the memory of that moment in the park lingered. i always remember myself staring at paige's mouth during our study sessions, blushing when she'd catch me looking. i was so confused. it felt so wrong, but so good.

—

weeks passed and i’d continued to steal glances at paige in psych class, my heart fluttering each time. for the past few weeks we’ve hung out, nothing special but it was great. we would go for ice cream, maybe get my favorite—zaxbys, and it would all be good. but genuinely, it’s horrible being around her.

im in a relationship with someone, yet im falling for another person. that person being a girl. i sound fucking stupid.

our professor announced a big project, assigning partners randomly. my heart pounded as the list was read aloud. “madison cooper and paige bueckers,” she called out.

i froze. there is no way she assigned me with the girl call myself liking. paige and i exchanged a surprised look. a slow smile spread across her face, and i felt my knees go weak. as we gathered our things after class, paige approached me. “looks like we're partners, madison.”

“looks like it,” i breathed, my voice barely audible. her nearness made my pulse quicken. we decided to meet at the library that weekend to start on our project. as i left the lecture hall, i felt a mix of excitement and dread.

i have a boyfriend.

—

that weekend, i sat across from paige at a worn wooden table in the library. she was leaning over her laptop, her brow furrowed as she typed. i couldn't help but stare at her strong hands, her broad shoulders, the way her hair fell messily over her shoulders.

paige looked up, catching me staring. she smirked slightly. “you okay, madi? you seem a lil… distracted.” i blushed, averting my eyes. “i'm fine, just... thinking about the project.” even to my own ears, the excuse sounded weak.

but that nickname, madi.

i mean—everyone calls me madi. but from paige, her saying it, it sounds heavenly. i don’t want anyone else to ever call me that nickname again now that it’s left paige’s mouth.

—

i notice madison staring at me—a lot, and it makes me feel a strange warmth in my chest. as we worked on our project, i found myself stealing glances at her too, admiring the way her brow furrowed in concentration, the way her lips parted slightly as she reads.

i start wondering… wondering what it would be like to kiss those parted lips, to run my fingers through her silky brunette hair. i shook my head slightly, trying to dislodge the thought. madison isn’t my type, i don’t think. i know she’s straight, but i could definitely turn her.

then again, she has a boyfriend.

she’s only mentioned him a few times, talking about their dates, future plans and what not. but honestly, he sounds lame. she mentioned he got her flowers & candy for her birthday, what a loser. like seriously? a girl like her? if it was me, i’d go all out.

as the day went on, i became more aware of the subtle signs madison was giving me. the way her eyes lingered on me, the slight flush of her cheeks, the way she bit her lower lip.

i decided to test the waters. as she passed me a printout, i let my fingers brush against hers. i saw her intake a sharp breath, her eyes darting to mine. her skin is soft, smooth like butter. despite the subtle, small action, i could feel how soft and fragile her skin felt.

“sorry,” i murmured, not pulling away from her touch. her fingers curled around mine, squeezing gently. “it's okay,” she whispered back, her voice barely audible. i felt a jolt of electricity at her touch, her response. i was onto something.

—

paige's fingers brushing against mine sent shivers down my spine. i looked into her eyes, and for a moment, everything else faded away. i felt a strong urge to lean in, to close the distance between us. but then reality hit me like a cold shower.

i have a boyfriend.

i gently pulled my hand away, trying to compose myself. “we should probably focus on the project,” i said, trying to sound normal. i turned back to my laptop, my mind racing. i can't let myself fall for paige, i have to stay loyal to jason or whatever.

but i still don’t understand how im falling so hard for a girl. a girl i just met at that, it sounds alien to me. if you told me 2 months ago i’d be head over heels for this woman, i’d look at you like you needed a straitjacket.

we continued working across from each other, the air thick with tension. i made sure to keep a safe distance, to not let our hands touch again. but being near her was torture. her scent, her presence, the way her voice deepened slightly when she was concentrating... everything about her drew me in.

as the hours passed, i found myself zoning out, my mind wandering to forbidden thoughts. paige's strong arms around me, her lips on mine, her hands exploring my body. i quickly rolled my eyes, trying to clear the images. no, i can't think like this.

i have a boyfriend.

i feel like i’m going insane, there is no way in hell im actually thinking like this. thinking like this about a girl, am i crazy? i think so. but it just sounds so right. i don’t think i’ve ever imagined times like this with jason though.

i mean, we did have sex a few times. but when i met him, i didn’t think like that— it was more of an emotional connection. i wasn’t immediately thinking about what his lips would feel like on mine.

paige seemed to pick up on the change though. she didn't bring up the touch again, didn't act the way she was acting earlier. we worked in near silence, the tension between us palpable but unspoken. as we finished up for the day, i felt a mix of relief and despair.

“not gon’ lie, i didn’t expect you to be this smart,” paige remarked, laughing softly as we packed up. “yeah, i try my best in academics,” i agreed softly. she smiled at me, and i felt my heart ache. why does it have to be her? why do i have to be taken?

“same time next weekend?” she asked. i hesitated for a moment. being around her was torture, but it was a torture i craved. “yeah,” i heard myself say. “same time next week.”

as i walked home, my mind was in turmoil. i knew i should end things with jason, that my heart wasn't in it anymore. but the thought of hurting him, of disappointing my family, held me back. i buried my face in my hands, a frustrated groan escaping my lips.

and no, im not trying to end things because of paige, thats silly—this thought weighed heavy on my mind for months. i mean, very good guy, but things just haven’t been the same. paige, she’s just the cherry on top.

i found myself in an impossible situation. i was falling for paige, but i was committed to someone else. i couldn't keep stringing jason along, not when my heart barely belonged to him.

here’s the situation: me and my boyfriend are falling apart, i’m falling for a girl, and my life is in shambles. sounds crazy right? yeah, i know.

i spent the rest of the week distracted, snapping at jason when he'd try to talk to me, zoning out during family dinners. but can you blame me? my situation is shit. i feel horrible, horrible for doing this to my boyfriend, horrible for falling for this girl.

my mom noticed, pulling me aside one evening. “madison, talk to me,” she said softly. “something's on your mind.” i hesitated. i wanted to confide in her, to tell her about paige, about my conflicted feelings. but i was scared. scared of her reaction, scared of what would happen next. so i chickened out. “it's nothing, mom.”

she searched my face, concern etched on her own. “madison, you can talk to me, you know. whatever it is, we'll figure it out together.” her voice was gentle, encouraging. but i just shook my head, pushing past her to retreat to my room.

alone in my room, i curled up on my bed, hugging a pillow to my chest. all my thoughts weighed down on me like a brick as i realized the mess i was in. i was torn between duty and desire, between what was right and what felt right. and i had no idea how to fix it.

this is the reality of being a girl i guess— or being a girl liking another girl. i’m a mess. i barely know her, it’s only been about a month or two, and they’ve been great, i can say that. but i just don’t get what’s wrong with me. what kind of phase am i going through?

i guess time will tell sooner or later.

[cityofmeliora]

the Terzo autism post ♾️

this is kind of an analysis post and kind of a headcanon post.

Terzo reads as autistic to me, especially during his first two concerts when he was speaking without a script and trying to figure things out.

Terzo has that "trying new things is scary and i need to feel like i'm getting a good grade at social interactions and everything has to be done correctly or i'm going to explode" flavor of autism.

[AFTER PERFORMING PRIME MOVER] PAPA EMERITUS III: How am I doing so far? I've been studying these moves so you would feel comfortable. Are you comfortable? Linköping, Sweden (June 3, 2015)

Terzo says he studied the choreography for 'Prime Mover' so the audience would feel comfortable. he's trying to do what people expect, and he keeps checking if he's doing alright and asking the audience if they like what he's doing.

[BEFORE PERFORMING ABSOLUTION] PAPA EMERITUS III: So, we're gonna finish this off with something as weird as a new song. What that delighting, or did you not like that? Yes. Good, good. Linköping, Sweden (June 3, 2015)

PAPA EMERITUS III: So, I know it might seem a little confusing –it's even a little confusing to me, sometimes– y'know, playing new songs for people who've never heard these songs. But I tell you what– we have a really good ending song that you will understand why it is an ending song when you hear it. But now it might seem a bit strange, huh? Sweden Rock Festival - Solvesborg, Sweden (June 4, 2015)

Terzo feels weird about performing new music because it's new and the audience doesn't know what to expect and neither does he. he keeps trying to assure the audience that it'll be okay. but i'm pretty sure he was the only person worried about it. he was about to release a new album, so it completely made sense that he would be performing new songs. he just hates not knowing what to expect, and it doesn't occur to him that not everyone thinks like him.

and then this clip... i think it speaks for itself, but let's talk about it anyway. (i included the audio because i really want people to hear him speaking here.)

PAPA EMERITUS III: Okay! We are now officially wrapping– with a song. It's not a rap song, though. [STUTTERS FOR SEVERAL SECONDS] I've heard from my brother that you are somewhat of a singing crowd. So you like singing, eh? That is fantastic because that is exactly what we're gonna do right now, and if you had said no, that would have been… weird. So thank you for not being weird and weirding me out. I'm weird enough as it is. Sweden Rock Festival - Solvesborg, Sweden (June 4, 2015)

like where do i even start with this. him thinking he needs to clarify he's not going to be rapping. the stuttering. the fact that he listens to what Secondo tells him so he knows what to expect. him saying "[...] if you had said no, that would have been... weird. So thank you for not being weird and weirding me out. I'm weird enough as it is."

he feels like a weirdo and he just wants things to be normal so bad. 😭

he also gets really irritated when people are incorrect / do things incorrectly. he has the literal / rigid thinking patterns characteristic of autistic people

PAPA EMERITUS III: Well, it's getting late. AUDIENCE: NOOO! PAPA EMERITUS III: Yes! It's not a matter of opinion. It is getting late. Sweden Rock Festival - Solvesborg, Sweden (June 4, 2015)

he tells the audience it is objectively true that it is getting late.

then there's the whole bit where he wants people to clap along to the music but he hates it if people clap wrong or don't clap with the correct rhythm.

and the bit where he asks the audience to say "Meliora" and emphasizes the correct pronunciation versus the incorrect pronunciation.

Terzo strikes me as someone who is constantly trying to perform a very intentionally constructed social personality, not only as an entertainer but as a person. and while he's naturally charismatic and charming, it's actually quite difficult for him to perform this public personality because he's constantly concerned with getting a good grade in social interactions and things being done correctly.

and there are all the quotes about Terzo being a recluse who only interacts with others as much as is strictly necessary. this is definitely clinical depression, but i think his autism is also a factor.

he got comfortable once he settled into a routine and created a script that he could repeat, though. after that, he was really on autopilot during his concerts. which is also so so autistic of him <3

[koji-haru]

Pocky Day 11/11

[Something short for pocky day! I am late!! But! It's still pocky day in certain parts of the world sooo.]

Adam eyed the various shops that lined the pristine streets of Heaven. Restaurants, convenience stores, food markets and cafés to both his left and right, offering a variety of food stuffs from full course meals to quick on the go snacks. Today was an oddly easy day for Adam, Sera somehow didn’t have much work for him to do and before he even knew it, he was already done with his work for the day before midday had even arrived. Wanting to share the goodness of his day, Adam decided to pay his husband a surprise visit at work and bring him lunch. He fished his phone out of the pockets of his robes; he had about thirty more minutes before Michael should be heading out for lunch. Good. That was plenty of time. 

The soft chimes of a bell rang by the café’s entrance as Adam entered. It was a café that both particularly liked the food of, or well, Adam liked the food the place served; Michael liked everything and anything really to the point that Adam often found himself questioning if he had tastebuds to begin with. Thankfully, it did seem that Michael had some semblance of taste, though oddly enough, the archangel apparently had a taste for bitter things. 

He quickly ordered things that he thought Michael would enjoy, a chicken taco salad and a cup of americano – no sugar and with just a tiny splash of milk. Of course he also got something for himself, cream puff pastries and a salted caramel frappé with cream on top. No, it wasn’t ‘lunch’ per say, but he didn’t care, looking at the bitter coffee he was bringing Michael made him crave sweets just to offset the bitterness that he could already imagine on his tongue. 

Just as he was heading towards the door, he saw some winners and heaven borns alike sitting on one of the crowded tables of the café, trying to be quiet with their loudly hushed voices, but their giggling could be heard all over the place regardless. The winners seemed to be teaching the heaven borns something. Something exciting it seemed if gold that dusted the heaven borns’ faces were of any indication. Ever the curious and nosy first man, Adam strained his ears, though he didn’t have to try very hard, to listen in on the younger angels’ conversation. 

Pocky game, huh?

The door to Michael’s office slammed open just as he was setting his papers aside to get ready to head out. Immediately, he knew who his esteemed guest was. There was only really one angel who would brazenly enter his office uninvited and unannounced, and yet overly comfortable and carefree. A soft smile immediately graced his lips as his husband’s tall figure and overly conspicuous appearance walked through his now wide open door. 

“Surprise!!,” Adam yelled out, tossing his mask casually on the small couch near the door. “I got you lunch!” He handed the food he bought earlier along with the coffee, a wide grin on his face.

“Oh, thank you, Adam,” Michael smiled sweetly as he accepted the gift, genuinely touched by the gesture no matter how many times he received it. “You didn’t have to, I know you’re also busy…”

“But I did!,” Adam exclaimed, chest puffed out, hands on his hips, beaming proudly. “Aren’t I just the best?” 

“The absolute best, nothing and no one could compare,” answered Michael with a soft loving gaze.

A faint gold dusted Adam’s cheeks at the words and look that Michael was giving. Even after all these years, the archangel was as sickly sweet as ever and Adam, ever the lovestruck, flusters all the same. Adam lightly shook his head and slapped his cheeks, trying to drown out the increasing loudness of his beating heart. No! He had a purpose today! And he was going to achieve it! 

“By the way…,” he said, subverting the topic as he fished out something in a small paper bag. “Ta-da!!” He held out a small box in front of Michael with a picture of small biscuits covered in some sort of green coating. 

“Pocky?,” mused Michael. 

“They’re like biscuits dipped in chocolate, but I got you this green tea flavour thing instead,” Adam explained.

“Oh, okay.” Michael never had them before, but they seemed like a nice sweet snack. “I’ve never heard of it before.” He reached out for the box of sweets in front of him to examine it more, but Adam pulled it quickly away before he even had a chance to touch it. He blinked at Adam, confused, like a child being denied of something that was promised.

“Uh uh!” Adam waggled his finger in front of Michael. “I want to try a game with this one.” He tore open the box and the plastic that contained the biscuits inside, tossing the rubbish unceremoniously into the bin nearby. With one hand, he placed the coated end of the biscuit carefully between his teeth and then leaned forward towards Michael, his arms resting on the desk, back arched slightly, a playfully seductive glimmer in his eyes. 

“Uhh.” Michael froze on his seat, his confusion told him to lean back, but his wants told him to remain still or even lean forward as well.

 “You’re supposed to hold onto the other end with your teeth too,” Adam grinned, the pocky stick still carefully between his teeth. “And then we bite it until we meet in the middle. But be careful not to break it, otherwise it’s game over.” Then he leaned even closer towards Michael, almost poking his lips with the biscuit.

A light golden hue began to bloom across Michael’s starry cheeks but he relented to his husband’s request regardless, not that he wasn’t happy to oblige. Placing the biscuit lightly between his teeth, Michael made the grave mistake of looking at Adam’s eyes, a hotly molten gold simmering with enticing promises. Instantly, his breath hitched and he froze up on the spot. Despite that, or maybe exactly because of his reaction, Adam began biting the biscuit, getting even closer to his lips with every bite; their breaths against each other, hot and warm. For every inch that they got closer, the golden flush that peppered across Michael’s cheeks only seemed to glow brighter and brighter, while Adam mostly remained cool and relaxed, with only a faint golden hue over his own cheeks. Throughout the entire ordeal, Adam kept his alluring hold over Michael until suddenly, only an inch of the sweet biscuit remained between them. 

Michael barely moved during the entire process, a slight sweetness from the pocky ran over his tongue, but it was a different kind of sweetness that he craved; one that had an inch of biscuit acting as a barrier between them. The tension hung heavily in the air between them, and neither dared to move. It was frustrating, Michael wasn’t sure if he could hold on like this much longer, he could already feel himself overheating from all the teasing, but even worse was that Adam seemed all too eager to keep him at bay, dangling sweet promises right in front of him. 

Eventually, Michael mustered up the strength to overcome the small gap between them. And then, with a soft cracking sound, their connection broke. The biscuit was now broken into two, one for each of them. Michael looked down at the other half of the biscuit that was between Adam’s lips, and it was like a bucket of freezing water was thrown at him. Oh no.

“Oh, well that’s unfortunate.” Adam leaned away, licking some of the icing off of his lips, pleasantly sweet on his tongue. “I guess that’s game over.” He looked down at his husband, who remained sadly seated on his chair looking like a kicked puppy. He was half tempted to leave him hanging there, but he was feeling extra nice today. 

“Luckily…,” he picked up the box of pocky again and pulled out another biscuit, placing it between his teeth, a playful grin on his lips. “...we have plenty to practise on.”

[stanpinesdykewife]

Helloo!! So I love love love all of your work you have do on AO3 so much I'm so happy I found you on tumbler! Your writing is absolutely beautiful. I was wondering if you could maybe do a short fluff piece going off of speed dating and easy? Something where reader has had a hard day and isn't up for spicy time and just wants to be taken care of? Just something soft and sweet please and thank yooouuu! 💓🫶🏻💓

hiii!!! giggling at your super sweet compliments thank you so so much! i love the speed dating universe so even though this was sitting half-baked in my drafts for a while this was really nice to write!!! thanks so much for waiting, i hope you like this! under the cut:

boring stan/reader (gender-neutral) pre/during/post-canon/unspecified fluff, 800 words (bonus: sfw bedtime stan headcanons)

You're in bed, lying on your side, Stan's whole body pressed against yours when you finally squirm away from his lips on your shoulder. He stops, his hand stilling on your waist where he'd bunched up your shirt to touch your bare skin. You're clenching your eyes shut, embarrassed, as a beat of silence passes.

“You okay, sweetheart?” Stan asks from behind you, his voice hesitant. He starts to slide his hand off your waist when you grab it, keeping it there. Stan stops again, but this time sounds confused when he starts, “Uh, did I—”

“No. You didn't do anything, sorry, I'm just…” You struggle to find the words for a second. Another tense pause passes, unusual, even eerie in your normally lively company with Stan. Finally, you sigh. “I'm really tired.”

You hesitate for another moment before tugging Stan's hand over your waist, further underneath your shirt to the bare skin of your stomach. Stan goes along with it, like he always does, just letting you move his arm and press his palm flat to your body. The touch draws another deep sigh from you.

“Tough day, huh?” Stan says, any heat gone from his voice to make room for something softer. He glides his thumb over your stomach and you relax as his breath fans over your shoulder. He's kind of awkward with the emotional stuff, and maybe a little put out by you wriggling away from him a moment ago. You are, too. But Stan's voice is still kind when he offers, “You wanna… I dunno. Talk about it? Vent?”

“I think I just need to lay here,” you mutter, unmoving. Stan hums behind you, idly tracing light arches into your skin.

Then he pulls away, shuffling backwards away from your body towards his (mutually agreed-upon, unspoken) side of the bed. Your brows furrow and you turn to look over your shoulder as Stan gets comfortable on his back. He sighs when his head hits the pillow, then catches your eye. There's a little pink to his cheeks when he opens his arms.

“C'mon, let's get you comfortable,” Stan grumbles, though his eyes are warm. You brighten, just a little, and quickly roll over to lay your chest on his. Stan's big arms come around you as you hug him, pressing your cheek to his collarbone and slinging one leg over his. Once you settle down, the two of you are thoroughly tangled up in each other in a way you can only describe as cozy.

“This is nice,” you sigh, nosing at the base of his neck before letting your head lay comfortably on his shoulder. Stan rubs his hand over your spine, making you melt into him. You yawn.

“Am I boring you?” Stan says, grin in his voice. You laugh through the tail end of your yawn, shaking your head.

“If anything, I'm boring you,” you say, but Stan tuts and cuts you off before you can say anything else.

“None o’ that. I didn't have the energy anyway,” he says, nonchalant. You lean upwards slightly to raise a brow at him, glancing pointedly at the tent in his boxers. Stan grabs the side of your head and shoves you back into his chest, making you laugh. “Ignore that.” 

“I love you,” you say, because it feels like the right thing to say. Stan freezes. You pause, your smile dropping. Was that the first time you've ever said that? “Um… You don't have to—”

“Love you, too, sweetheart—Uh, honey. Honey sweet… sugar. Sugar sweet, syrup baby—bird. Baby bird,” Stan rambles, his voice becoming more strained with every word. You laugh out loud again as he continues, stumbling over the nicknames, “Honey ball, uh, balls—Sugar balls. Candy pie.”

“Sugar balls!” you cackle, trying to shove yourself up again. But Stan tightens his grip on you, one arm pinning you down by your back and the other coming around to keep your head still on his chest as you kick your feet. “Haha, Stan! Let me up, I'm suffocating, I'm dying—”

“I'll see you in the afterlife,” Stan says sagely, then rolls over to pin you under his full weight. You're still laughing, and Stan starts to laugh with you, even as he play-fights his hand over your mouth to get you to stop. You peek up at him, giddiness growing in your chest at the violent flush on his face, the shy fondness in his smile.

You chuckle into his hand and lick his palm, making Stan yelp and rip it away, and you take advantage to wriggle out from under him and shove him onto his side.

You'll get back to cuddling in a few minutes. For now, you're gonna wrestle and laugh and let the person you love make you feel better.

sfw bedtime stan headcanons:

stan loves staying in bed all day when he has someone to do it with, especially since he rarely has off-days between work and the portal and post-canon sailing with ford

he is touch-starveddd and loves laying there doing nothing but cuddling or rolling around or wrestling or... you know... giggles

he doesn't do it often because he does believe in eating food and watching television. but when he does, he's there ALL day

he's gross he has crumbs in his bed you can't look me in the eyes and say he doesn't

i feel like during canon it would be reasonable for him to have developed insomnia... but post-canon i think he'd love sleeping in with VERY specific circumstances. his brother is out solo-exploring for a day, the twins are at a sleepover and don't need breakfast, stan isn't expected to visit the shack? he's sleeping for 20 hours straight

even if he doesn't sleep in i feel like if his partner had the day off or even worked from home and hung out in their room all day stan would absolutely be glued to the mattress

maybe these hcs feel out of character to me just a little bit but consider: you wake up to big beefy arms tugging you closer by your waist and a LOUD ass cozy snore from above your head

giggling about morning breath and trying to push stan off the bed to guzzle some mouthwash

he's embarrassed at first because he has to take his dentures out in front of you and pop em back in in the morning it's a whole thing, but eventually he gets comfortable enough that you're allowed to make the cleaning solution for him at bedtime and offer the glass for him to put the dentures in

sorry if the dentures thing threw anyone off because for a few seconds there it threw me off erm but i'm nothing if not determined to establish my alpha position as old man lover no matter what.

ANYWAY. this list got away from me a little bit

final bed hc stan is not used to sharing a bed with another person he hogs the blankets. as in he'll literally wake you up in the middle of the night because he'll be sleeping and roll over and take all the blankets with him and you will never get to have them again without tugging so hard. he has no idea he does this until you offhandedly mention it months into dating

[massivelyshadyshawdows]

First things first, I'll start the day with a meticulous cleaning routine. You see, a good toy is not only visually appealing but also hygienic and well-maintained. I've scrubbed every inch of my body, ensuring that I'm squeaky clean and smelling of sweet vanilla. After all, who doesn't love the scent of freshly baked cookies wafting from a submissive little slut? With my skin feeling silky smooth and my mind racing with anticipation, I've lubricated my tight holes, making sure they're ready to be filled with whatever my Master desires.

Now, let's talk about the attire. I've chosen a stunning black latex catsuit that hugs my curves like a second skin. It's tight enough to make every inch of me look irresistible, yet flexible enough to allow for the full range of motion that comes with being a sex toy. The shine from the latex is absolutely mesmerizing, reflecting the soft glow of the room, making me feel like a living, breathing piece of art. The sound of it squelching against my skin as I move sends a thrill through my body, a reminder of the erotic playtime that awaits.

My day begins with a series of stretches to ensure my body is as limber as possible. After all, I want to be able to contort into whatever position my future owner finds most pleasurable. As I stretch, my muscles protest, but I know it's all for the greater good. With every bend and twist, I imagine the delight that will be etched on their face when they see how easily I can fold in half or spread my legs wider than should be humanly possible.

Speaking of spreading, I've also decided to spend some quality time with my favorite butt plug. It's a big one, gleaming black. I lube it up with a generous dollop of lube, savoring the coldness as I spread it around the tip. I take a deep breath and slowly push it in, feeling it stretch me wide and fill me up. The sensation is oddly comforting, a constant reminder of what I'm here for.

As the day progresses, I'll be experimenting with different sensations. Perhaps I'll wear a pair of nipple clamps while I run errands, the constant tug keeping my nips hard and sensitive. Or maybe I'll slip a vibrator into my cunt while a coffee shop, my cheeks flushing as it hums away, bringing me closer and closer to the edge without allowing me to tip over. After all, a good toy knows how to keep itself on edge, always eager for more.

For lunch, I'll treat myself to a light meal of finger foods, something I can eat without the need for cutlery. It's all about getting used to serving myself up in bite-sized pieces for when I'm presented to my Master.

Throughout the afternoon, I'll be practicing my oral skills. I've got a dildogag that's just the right size and shape for the job, gagging and drooling like the good little slut I am. The sight of me on all fours, mouth stretched wide around a cock, is something I know will drive you wild. I'll spend hours getting used to the feel of it, the way it hits the back of my throat, making me gag and sputter.

As the sun sets, I'll slip into something a bit more… revealing. Perhaps a latex dress that barely covers my ass, or a skimpy little set that leaves nothing to the imagination. I'll wander around my apartment. After all, a good toy is always available for use, no matter where it is. I leave my door unlocked, just in case my Master decides to drop by unannounced. The thrill of not knowing if I'll be caught in such a compromising position makes my heart race and my cunt throb.

And let's not forget the finishing touches. I'll paint my face with a mask of obedience, my eyes lined with smoky black liner that makes them look like the windows to my soul—a soul that craves nothing more than to be used and abused. My lips will be a glossy red, pouty and wet, begging to be kissed or bitten. My hair will be pulled back into a tight bun, exposing my neck for whatever use my Master sees fit.

But the pièce de résistance? The collar. A shiny, chrome collar that says, without a single word, "I belong to you." It'll sit snugly around my neck, a constant reminder of my place. I'll attach a leash and lead, ready to be walked like the obedient pet I long to be.

As the night wears on, I'll keep myself entertained with a little bit of solo play. I'll tease and tantalize my clit with a vibrator, bringing myself to the brink of orgasm again and again without ever allowing myself to come. This is a crucial part of my training, learning to deny myself pleasure until it's given. By the time my Master arrives, I'll be a writhing, whimpering mess of need.

But what really makes today special is the promise of tomorrow. Each and every day is a chance to become more of the toy I was meant to be. Whether it's trying new outfits, learning new tricks, or pushing my body to its limits, I'll be eagerly awaiting the moment I'm picked up and played with.

So, today I'm becoming a better plaything. Submissive, eager, and ready for whatever comes my way. And when tomorrow rolls around, I'll wake up and do it all again. Because that's what good toys do. They crave the attention, the use, and the pleasure of serving and as the days go by, I'll only get better at it. More empty. More sexy. More slutty. More… me.

What are you doing today to be a better toy?

Could be anything, really. You might have decided that today you'll crawl around on all fours when you're in private, so that you can more easily feel like the submissive little pet you want to be. Maybe you've made up your mind to lift up your top and expose your tits when you're working at your desk, or spend the day bottomless, all to feel more exposed and slutty. Hell, you could even have resolved to spend a few minutes every hour pressing a toy into yourself, because you want to get more used to and eager for that feeling of being stuffed full.

Every single day is an opportunity to make yourself emptier, happier, and closer to the kind of plaything you want to be.

So, once again:

What are you doing today to be a better toy?

Share your methods down in the replies or reblogs! I'm sure that other bimbos, pets, and dolls would appreciate the new ideas.

[system-of-a-feather]

hi, i have been thinking about the topic of fusion, and what i want my long-term goals to be, and i was wondering. do you ever feel like being fused is exhausting? not the process of fusion, i know thats exhausting because healing is exhausting. but like. do you ever feel overwhelmed due to being all parts of yourself at once? i havent experienced any fusions yet (hopefully in the future!) but ive seen people talk about how even when fused, none of the parts disappear but instead are all part of the "you" that always exists. my only frame of reference for how that feels for myself is blendy cofronting, which in my experience can be pleasant with 2 or 3 parts, but any more than that gets overwhelming and disorienting

Actually? Surprisingly? No. Not really at all honestly. The funny thing is that I used to wonder the same thing so I absolutely understand the frame of reference and perspective and assumptions that go with it, but its extremely comfortable and LOW energy to be fused for me.

The actual thing that happens is that you don't really get that "too many parts in front" fatigue like... ever or fronting fatigue like ever - at least thats how it is for me.

I relax a whole fuck ton better as a fused whole and while a lot of fusion still has me having to learn my new / fused "me" and how I operate on a baseline, thats an entirely different thing than trying to balance all the differing and contrasting parts or trying to understand and negotiate that because like... They are all simultaneously me and I VERY freely and fluidly exist as and between all of them. There isn't really "compromise" I have to make because.... we just co-exist harmoniously as one without even needing to explicitly talk about it or discuss or put intention into coming to a shared understanding, we just... do and know and its really really really really fucking easy living as a fused whole compared to being multiple parts

Like even if you were to ask me just as ONE part versus how I am now, there is not a single part in our system that has ever actually been so comfortable and so not-fatigued existing as I am as a whole

Everythings a lot more balanced, managable and our window of tolerance is STUPID fucking large - and I don't mean that in a "relative to where we used to be" or "relative to someone with as much trauma as I do" but genuinely STUPIDLY huge compared to most generally neurotypical non-traumatized not-severely-mentally ill people and I largely thank that to Post Traumatic Growth honestly.

But like... tldr, not really at all for me surprisingly. Maybe really early post fusion when I was still figuring myself out a lot but like.... Thats more so the process of fusing than being fused itself imo.

(Side note edit: Sometimes I DO think itd be better to explore a situation and issue as independent parts and so sometimes I DO operate in a more system / plural way of existing for however long its beneficial, but thats less to do with fusion not helping me as much as it is that I think a plural lens and perspective has a lot of perks in navigating complicated situations.)

Anyways tagging a few others who might have a different answer / perspective on this since they are either in a different stage of a fusion / integration and/or have a different way of existing with their fused / integrated state than me.

@hiiragi7 @reimeichan @subsystems

[xdivinedecay]

Patron saints for US election aftermath

Below are some saints I humbly recommend to pray to as the United States faces this new and challenging era after the results of our recent election. Those that use prayer for intercession may find comfort in learning more about the saints below, and building a communication with them.

Social justice — St. Martín de Porres Poverty — St. Francis of Assisi Women — St. Elizabeth Ann Seton Immigrants — St. Frances Xavier Cabrini Racial justice — St. Katharine Drexel Ecology and environment — St. Kateri Tekakwitha (the first Indigenous American saint) Education/teachers — St. John Baptist de La Salle

If you'd like, I have included some notes and extras below —

Please if you can, take some time to learn about St. Martín de Porres! His soul is beautiful and his work was absolutely selfless as he cared for others in the face of social abuse and adversity. He really is someone to aspire to be like.

I nominate St. Elizabeth Ann Seton in this particular instance as it's difficult to pin down a definitive patron saint of women (all of my cross-references didn't produce a strong label on any one saint; many were for mothers or some other aspect attributed to womanhood, so there are many options). But St. Elizabeth was the first American-born citizen to be canonized as a saint, and in her life she started a Catholic school for girls. She is most known for founding of the Sisters of Charity of Saint Joseph’s, the first religious order in America who contributed significant humanitarian work. In the wake of the US election results, I think she is an apt choice for connecting with for intercession.

I'm a biased St. Joan D'Arc follower, but hear me out. She was the crux of saving her home country from the very literal brink of being lost to Britain in a war that spanned a century. She rallied the last skeleton crew of the remaining French monarchal power that had all but been defeated already, and helped to take their name and land back from the English. I will be continuing to pray to her regularly to help find ways to fight for our freedom and remain courageous. I encourage others to do the same if you pray to her, or would like to start.

While I wish I had a suggestion for a saint to pray to for the LGBTQIA+ community, as they are adopted through history (St. Sebastian) or are not strictly official. But there are some interesting perspectives to find online, I just couldn't find a saint I could comfortably name with my whole chest for this particular group. I was intrigued by some responses on this Quora thread on the matter in question.

As always, these are only suggestions based on my imperfect research, as I am still newly navigating my reclaimed faith. If you have other patrons to recommend, please add them in a reblog so that others may learn about them.

divider made by animatedglittergraphics-n-more

more lists of patron saints — Patron Saints for your problems • Patron Saints for World Mental Health Day

[youling-the-ghost]

mornings with him – a ditch ficlet

Derek found comfort in his strange yet endearing morning routine. word count: 800

A ray of sunlight peeped through the curtains and cascaded itself onto Derek's bed, jolting him awake. The clock on the wall indicated that it was 6 AM. Derek groaned and dragged a hand down his face, cringing at the stubble that covered his chin—he felt like a teenager, all gangly limbs and awkward changes to his body that he hadn't quite grown accustomed to yet. It was comforting, in a way.

Derek sat up—or at least, tried to sit up. He almost succeeded before a pair of arms dragged him back into the bed, snuggling him into the pile of blankets and pillows. Derek let out a muffled cry of protest, but the arms didn't relent.

"Love," Derek said, the words buried in an airy laugh. "I need to make breakfast."

Titch groaned and leaned his body onto Derek's so that there was basically no space between their bodies, nestling his face into Derek's neck.

"Breakfast can wait..." he murmured. "I'm cold."

"It's August," Derek deadpanned. To be honest, he was overheating in Titch's arms and the blankets.

When Titch showed no signs of letting go, Derek sighed and resorted to his contingency plan; he grabbed the arms that held him hostage and pried them open, which proved to be quite a difficult task—despite what his stature might suggest, Titch was incredibly strong.

In the sliver of time that he bought himself, Derek lunged forward and dove out of the bed, landing on the wooden floor with a soft thud.

Titch mumbled some nonsense, incoherent and jumbled by a half-conscious brain, in protest. Derek planted an apologetic kiss on Titch's cheek and ruffled his blonde hair, which had a golden sheen from the sunlight that peeked through the curtains.

Derek snuck one last glance at his lover, whose face smoothed into a tranquil expression as he presumably returned to dreamland, and found himself smiling. He had come a long way, both of them had. It felt like just yesterday when Titch was lighting candle after candle, refusing to sleep until the first crack of dawn peeked through the night.

Derek grimaced at his reflection; his hair was sticking up in every direction, and he was in desperate need of a shave. He patted his hair in a vain attempt to school it, but the pile of curls immediately stuck back out again. Derek sighed in defeat and decided that he'd bother with his rebellious hair some other time, instead shifting his attention to everything else that needed fixing.

Shaving was something that caused Derek intense annoyance and euphoria in the strangest of oxymorons. The act itself was tedious, and if he had the option to, Derek would absolutely choose to never have to pick up a razor again.

But in a way, the razor in his hand and the shaving cream on his face represented progress that he never thought would be possible. It was a symbol of his growth, his comfort in his own body, which was beautiful despite all the tediousness.

Derek flinched as an improperly-angled movement caused a shallow gash across his cheek. He could do without all the blood that he had drawn in the process of learning this strange aspect of manhood, though.

The shaving cream washed off his face with a splash of water and Derek dragged a hand across his now-smooth skin. It felt like velvet between his fingers. Derek smiled. He was proud of himself.

The pink apron was an essential part of the cooking process, and this was only partially a joke.

Strangely enough, all of Derek's best and fluffiest flapjacks were made while he donned the frilly baby pink apron that James got Titch as a joke for Christmas one year. It was a strange phenomenon that was difficult to explain every time someone asked why he was working in the fields while wearing something that looked like it belonged to a Barbie playset.

Lost in thought about aprons, Derek barely noticed the arms that snaked around his waist.

Derek chuckled. "Good morning, love," he said without turning around. "So you finally woke up, huh?"

"Mornin'," Titch mumbled into Derek's shirt.

Sometimes it was hard to believe that the Titch currently clinging onto him like a koala on a eucalyptus tree was the same standoffish, emotionally closed-off Titch that he was first introduced to years ago.

Derek didn't bother shrugging Titch off. He didn't mind the physical contact; he quite enjoyed it, actually. The two stayed like that in silence, with the only noise in the room being the ambient sizzling of the pan and whirring of the range hood.

"I love you," Derek said as he placed a finished flapjack onto a plate.

"Yeah."

Derek knew that it was Titch's way of saying, "I love you too."

[the-bloody-sadist]

ONLY SIX OF YOU WILL SEE THIS IM SURE BUT I HAVE BEEN ABLE TO WRITE AGAIN TODAY AND I AM MAKING PROGRESS ON THAT SINNER EPILOGUE THATS BEEN THE HANGNAIL OF MY LIFE LATELY AND I CANNOT EXPRESS HOW MUCH IVE FELT LIKE I CANT WRITE ANYMORE BECAUSE MY FOCUS AND MOTIVATION HAS BEEN FUCKED UP (since my brain is too aware that writing doesn’t make me money and new followers, ART does, so I’m wasting time) BUT I DONT KNOW MAYBE I STILL GOT IT. QUESTION MARK.

THATS ALL. 🫡

JUST KNOW IM WRITING THAT SINNER THING.

On a quieter note, I really miss having commentary and compliments on my writing. It was a huge source of fulfillment and comfort to me. I still get a nice trickle of it over the months from new Sinner readers mostly, but I miss when I was posting Dancing With Death on here (even though I loathe looking at the absolute dogshit versions that are up on tumblr because the formatting for posts is INSANE and I can’t copy-paste from my word doc for updated edits….oh god the minx sex chapter is so bad…oh god…) to the point where I’m ALMOST. Almost. Thinking about taking it out of Patreon lockdown and posting all of the chapters I have here? Because I’m really stuck on it and I think that any sort of feedback/interest might be the shove I need to start working on it again.

That is, if it even gets interest 🙂‍↕️ which is the issue. Do I want to sacrifice the small chance I have at professionally publishing DWD by posting everything on here and dooming it to self-publishing? Or do I want to keep it in the basement on Patreon where nobody engages with it except my best bud (who’s the biggest fan I love him so much) and I’m not sure if I’m making the right story choices….?

TOUGH DECISIONS. I DONT USUALLY POST ABOUT RANDOM THOUGHTS BUT IVE HAD TO CUT OFF SO MANY PEOPLE AFTER THE ELECTION AND IM A BIT LONELY. YOU UNDERSTAND IM SURE.

OKAY GOODNIGHT SLEEP TIGHT MUAH SHOULD I SING YOU A LITTLE LULLABY?? NO???????? NO??? WHO THE FUCK SAID THAT?!?

[givekennyabreak]

Irreplaceable. (Kenny Liu x gn!reader)

Summary: A cop arrived along with Tabitha, and she thinks she owns the place; you think it's time to teach her how to be humble.

Rating: T

Warnings: whole lotta cursing, canon-compliant violence, spoilers for S3E8 of From, survivor's guilt, mourning, Acosta slander, reader is jealous but for a good reason, mentions of blood, mentions of gun. Acosta is her own warning.

Word count: 2.15k

Tabitha was back.

She went through the tree, got into a lighthouse, went outside and wound up back in town. She was hurt - scared, you could see the way she looked around with wide eyes at every waking moment.

You talked to her once; it didn't go far, though, as Jim arrived a couple minutes after you finally got the poor woman alone, telling you whatever went on in their life wasn't any of your business.

You flipped him off.

"If you ever need to talk," you told Tabitha, eyes as gentle as possible. "I'm at the station."

Not only did Tabitha come back, she brought in Victor's father with her (by accident, she said. Of course.). Henry, he said his name was, was a gentle man through and through. You could see how much he cared about Victor - the way he tried his best to be patient and reconnect with his son.

He never berated the man, listened to whatever he said with the utmost patience and always tried to remain calm, although you're all only human - he panics a few times, too.

He went to the goddamn caves with Victor.

If that isn’t love, you don’t know what is.

Victor, your first friend in this hellspace; one of the four people you trusted with your life - the other three, obviously, were Boyd, Donna, and Kenny.

The man was a gentle, misunderstood soul. If anyone asked you who was the person who wanted to leave this place the most, out of everyone, Victor would be your answer. He was used to it, yes - but he didn't like the place.

He was tired.

You were tired.

That's why you tried to help him as much as possible.

(Victor told you how he tried to remember what happened with Christopher and the townspeople at the beginning, but it didn't work - he was going to see Sara.

"Does it have to be her? Do we have to do this?"

"Yes."

"Dude, c’mon. She-"

"I know. But it’s gonna get scary, and she’s the scariest person in town."

You blinked up at him. He blinked back.

You sighed.

"Fine. But I'm taking a knife with me.")

Yet, there was a third party who got in town with the two good parts; and, as all is never well in this place, the woman was an absolute menace.

Acosta was her name - surname? Who knows -, a policewoman who refused to change out of her uniform, going around asking people invasive shit and managing to piss you off more times than you can count by berating Boyd, of all people.

Her last stunt was to come up to the station as you were talking to the sheriff about the kinds of food you managed to find with the last group of people who went foraging, demanding him to give her gun back.

She did so without even acknowledging your presence, trading insults back and forth while you watched the scene, flabbergasted; Boyd, tired of her shit, actually gave it back to her without the ammunition (this is why you trusted him so much), and she walked out of the station, without as much as a glance towards you.

"Am I invisible?"

Boyd sighed. "To her? Most people are."

And then - there went your last straw.

Just as you arrived at the diner, ready to give your boyfriend a tight, much needed hug, you caught sight of a blonde ponytail and blue uniform.

"Oh, hell no."

You swung open the inner door, and walked up to the stools just as Kenny poured hot water into a mug.

"Yeah, they… they do that sometimes." He said, as the jukebox played by itself (again.).

Acosta looked at him - really looked at him. “Is that something else you get comfortable with?” A pause. “Look, thanks for the tea.”

He looked down at the mug. “Uh, you didn't even...”

She stood up, body almost colliding with yours. “Excuse me.”

And then, Kenny looked up, eyes locking with yours. He brightened up immediately - his smile widened, and he put the pot back in its place, just to beckon you over with his free hands.

"Good morning, my love." You said, ducking under the opening to the back of the counter. When you straightened up, your boyfriend was already by your side, arms wrapped around your shoulders, drinking in your presence.

The blonde turned around, now staring at you, with furrowed brows and a scowl on her face.

“Mornin’.” He swooped down, lips connecting with yours in a chaste kiss. A sigh left your body, arms encasing around his shoulders, and you heard a scoff sound from behind, followed by the door opening and closing.

You stayed there for a couple of minutes, in each other’s arms, just enjoying the peace and quiet – the rarest thing to happen when in town. You nosed at Kenny’s throat and he inhaled deeply, red creeping up the side of his neck.

“I missed you.” You whispered. He stayed silent for a few seconds, squeezing you tighter.

“You saw me last night.”

You could hear the smile in his voice; this is it, you thought. This is a good change.

Kenny was hurting.

Kenny was mourning.

But the town – the people, didn’t give him the time he needed to go through this, so the best thing you could do to not see him fade away was stay by his side and not let him wither.

(You missed Tian-Chen, too.

She treated you like her own. She loved you, and you loved her.

She told you to stay with Jade and Victor that night.

You shouldn’t have.)

“It’s a few hours too much, still.” You replied, grinning.

Kenny let go of the embrace first, in favor of throwing away the – now – cold tea. "You're veeeery cheesy."

"This is how you love me, anyways."

"Yeah." He sighed, leaning back onto the counter, arms open again. He didn't need to ask - you gladly embraced him, arms around his waist this time, as he leaned down and hid his face near your collarbone.

"I do."

You stayed there for God knows how long, fingers carding through Kenny's soft, thick hair; humming a song you knew he loved, whispering about how your mornings went, and the dreams you had.

You both had given up on the house after Tian-Chen passed away, and Jim permeated the place with his presence (although you knew he meant no harm, the place was suffocating). Kenny moved into colony house, while you stayed at the station with Boyd. Victor would have no qualms about you moving there with him, seeing as he had the safest room in that place, but Henry was there with him, and you didn't mean to intrude.

The both of you left the diner together, hand-in-hand, ready to face the day ahead.

Shortly after, Boyd assigned you with the task of helping him around - there were more people now, and he could use some help figuring shit out. Ellis was panicking - something happened with Fatima -, and the man wanted to help his kid, so you left to do some of his own chores.

Night came.

You slept in the "archive room", a little nook used to store boxes in the station; Boyd had helped you get a bed in there, and that was good enough. There was one little window on the upper side of the room, and, even though you kept it tightly shut (you nailed it, as a precaution), the whispers and giggles still seeped into the space and made it harder for you to sleep.

The sun rose with a golden hue. The orange glow shone through the clear glass, straight onto your face; with a groan, you rose up from the mattress, stretching as your body slowly woke up.

Another day where you got up, did your shit and hoped for the best - except this time, there wasn't even any hope to begin with.

"Tillie's dead." Boyd told you as you got to colony house, a few minutes after him. "We don't know who did it, but it wasn't a creature."

Ellis fidgeted beside his dad; it looked like he wanted to say something, but held himself back.

"You okay, Ellis?" You asked, with furrowed brows. "Is Fatima okay?"

Ellis inhaled sharply. Boyd glanced at him, and back at you.

"She's fine." The young man replied, nodding his head. "Aside from the nausea, and the, uh. The other stuff."

The ultrasound issue.

"Oh. Make sure she's safe, okay?" You said, nodding at the sheriff. "'m going in."

Boyd shook his head no.

"Wait here, please. Kenny and Acosta are inside, questioning the folks."

A burning feeling made its way up the back of your neck, up to your cheeks and forehead - although it was commonly associated with red, you knew what this was: green.

Jealousy.

Now, you wouldn't consider yourself a jealous person in any way, no; but the lingering glances, the manner in which she scoffed with no shame at your affection, how she thought she was the crispiest fucking fry of the batch?

Oh, fuck no.

Boyd and Ellis rushed away while you steeped in your own anger. Not long after, you heard two sets of footsteps walk out of the house, and there they actually were - your boyfriend, and the blue-uniform menace.

Kenny had a troubled look on his face while Acosta - what the fuck was her name, again? - yapped away with no regard to his feelings; obviously, no one would walk on eggshells here when it came to other people's feelings, but this was too much.

"Was what that guy said about Sara and your dad true?"

Enough is enough.

"It's not that simple."

You trailed off behind the duo, your own brows furrowed and fists tightly closed as you breathed in and out slowly.

Do not fight her. Do not throw fists. Do not. Refrain.

"Okay, you didn't think it was worth mentioning the girl that already murdered two people?"

"Look, it's just, uh, she's different now, and Boyd trusts her."

"Who gives a shit what Boyd thinks, okay?"

"Hey!"

They stopped at your shout, turning around. Turns out you were closer than it seemed; four steps were all it took for you to walk up to her stupid face and swing a fist straight to her jaw.

Kenny yelped, rushing to your side as Acosta doubled over, hand cradling her face; wild, blue eyes stared into your own as she straightened up, raising her own fists. Your boyfriend tried to step in, but you walked around, pushing him behind your own body.

"Come on, hit me." You said, ready for a blow. She hesitated, and then - you spoke up. "You're walking around like you own this place. As if you're mightier than anyone who has been stuck here."

Kenny moved, but you lifted up your hand, placing it on his chest. "Hun, please. Sit this one out."

Acosta scoffed. You faced her, seeing the way she looked between you and Kenny.

"Yeah, we met here. Yes, we fell in love here, we got together here. Yes, this has become our routine. Do you think we wanted to be here? You think we chose to stay?" Her eyes softened. "No, we don't. But we're trying our fucking best to stay alive and sane, because that way, we can think and figure out how to escape."

Your fists shook, angry tears threatening to fall.

"You have no idea what it feels like to witness the people we love wither away and get lured in by those fucks by night. So, at least, try to be a little more considerate of these people's feelings, won't you?"

Kenny took one of your closed fists in his own hand, slowly opening it and lacing your fingers together.

"That way, you might be able to actually help someone." You finished, staring at her bruising jaw. "Sorry I punched you."

Acosta swallowed deeply, glancing between yourself and Kenny.

"I never thought about that." She said, eyes finally settling on your own. "I understand. Apology accepted."

Kenny squeezed your hand, leaning down to whisper in your ear.

"Well, that's better than nothing."

You held in a snort, bumping your shoulders together.

"Are you going to come with us?" She asked, tilting her head towards the forest.

You nodded your head. "Yeah. What did you guys find out?"

Just as she opened her mouth to answer, a shrill yell echoed through the place.

"Help!"

Ethan.

Everyone looked towards the boy, as Kenny rushed to ask him what happened.

Acosta looked at you, and nodded; the both of you ran, and you sure fucking hoped this was the beginning of a good teamwork.

[justaragdollysblog]

Can you write an alternate direction of "If I Didn't Walk In"? What if Jax did go to Ragatha about Marybelle instead of cheating on her? What if she confronted Marybelle about the situation while also trying to ease the tensions between them? What if something Marybelle says or does causes Ragatha to stop internalizing? What if she snaps? This is just an idea btw, I just love your fanfics :D

If I Hadn’t Gone In- Alternate Events (not canon to the series)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I AM SO SORRY i’ve wanted to write and i’ve been busy with work and executive dysfunction has been absolutely kicking my motivation out the window lol!!

i plan to write this and the zooble ask i have as well!

TW: Hurt/Comfort, Suggestive talk, Heated argument, Mentions of verbal harassment

————————————————————————

All was quiet in the main tent, but tension steeped in the air so thickly, one could choke. The cast sit at the long dinner table, simulated food in front of them.

The adventure that day hadn’t been particularly grueling, but it was what happened after the adventure and during the feast, that caused this charged and heavy silence.

It was all because of a relatively new arrival: Marybelle. A tall and slim porcelain wind up ballerina, fair skinned and poised. She had an instant disdain for every circus cast member, but Ragatha and Jax were the unwilling victims.

Ragatha knew what it was like to first get here. The news didn’t ever get easier to relay. Maybe that was why, like every member that arrived after her, she tried to give Marybelle a sense of community and compassion when she spawned in for the first time.

In the first week or so, after the initial shock wore off, the pristine ballerina hadn’t let up on Ragatha. Every glare, every insult soaked in venom, was directed at the rag doll. On the opposite end…was Marybelle giving praise and unwanted attention to Jax.

Jax hadn’t been used to this attention from another girl, or even another member of the circus cast. Him and Ragatha had been together for months now, and he made it clear to the ballerina that she was the only one he ever loved, and he’d never leave her for anyone.

The strange thing was…she didn’t seem deterred.

Before he got with Ragatha, he might’ve accepted the flirtation. But he always felt differently around the rag doll. He could be himself. He didn’t have to be alone, and he could finally let himself love and BE loved.

So, when she blew a kiss at the feast they were currently undergoing, Jax stood up abruptly, slammed his chair against the table, and stomped off. He wasn’t going to cry in front of the others; he did have a reputation to uphold. He wiped frustrated tears and opened Ragatha’s door, burrowing himself in her bed. Her scent calmed his whirling mind down.

Ragatha looked after him in concern and worry. She bit her lip for a second. “I’m gonna go check on him, see you guys in a bit!” She forced a smile to the others, and subsequently to Marybelle.

Zooble rolled their mismatch eyes. “Okay, seriously, this [BOINK] needs to stop. We’re all lonely here, but there’s no point harassing them.” They glared pointedly at her.

Marybelle simply sipped on a glass of digital water. “We have all the time here, right? He’ll come around.” She giggled a little, tinkling bells laced with malice.

Zooble just groaned in annoyance. They’d be there for Ragatha if something happened, but if she wanted to get herself into trouble, there wasn’t much they could do. Everyone eventually went back to their rooms, leaving Marybelle alone at the table.

—

Ragatha felt her heart break at Jax’s angry crying. She knew when he was upset, and she knew he’d be in her room. She liked to do the same thing when she was upset (read as: also burrow in his bed).

She gently creaked her door open. The fairy lights cast a warm and gentle glow in the already cozy room. She slowly and quietly snapped the door shut behind her. Soft footsteps filled the silence as she sat next to Jax on her bed.

He lay, quiet and hiding his face, but Ragatha knew he was crying. She smiled softly, eyes half lidded with affection and gentleness. She didn’t say anything, but started petting his ears like he liked her to do.

His eyes softened and he relaxed his body under her touch. He pressed his head into her hand. Nothing was said for a few minutes, when-

“‘m sorry, Rags…” Mumbled Jax as he felt her finger trace patterns on his furry ears. He didn’t know exactly why he was apologizing; he just thought he should.

Ragatha shook her head slightly. “None of this is your fault, bun.” She whispered, affectionate and tenderness soaking every word. She gently brought her hand to cup his face, gently rubbing circles with her thumb in his fur.

Gods, she knew how to calm him down. Jax sniffled a little. “I just- I don’t want you to think I’d ever…” He didn’t finish it. He couldn’t bring himself to.

Ragatha softly chuckled. “Jax, I trust you. I know you’d never. I know that for a fact. We’re gonna get through this. Maybe I can talk to her!” She suggested.

Jax wiped his eyes again. “Yeah. That sounds good.” He couldn’t help himself but let out a large, toothy yawn. He was already tired, and crying was exhausting to him.

Ragatha laughed, louder this time. She loved his yawns like that. She loved everything about him. “Get some rest, jaxrabbit. I’ll be right here when I’m done, okay?”

He looked up at her with yellow eyes full of love and trust. “‘mkay. Love you, Rags.” His voice cracked a little and he leaned into her hand once more.

Ragatha smiled genuinely. How did she ever get this lucky? “To the sun and back, Jax.” She kissed him gently and lovingly.

—

A few minutes later, his breathing straightened out and small snores escaped him. He was asleep, already splayed out and covering the whole bed. Ragatha squeezed his hand and walked out.

Marybelle was on her way to her room, red ballet shoes forever stuck on pointe glided across the carpet. Ragatha took a deep breath.

“Marybelle? Can we talk?”

She paused, and then shot daggers at Ragatha. “Only if you make it quick.”

Ragatha took another breath. “I know it’s not easy getting here. You can always talk to us, but…it’s making me and Jax a bit uncomfortable with how you’ve been acting toward us…” Ragatha tested the waters with her opening statement. She tried to sound reasonable and pragmatic, but she wasn’t as good at it as Pomni.

Marybelle narrowed her eyes, winged mascara sharp as a knifes edge. She looked her up and down with a flick of her eyes. “I’m just trying to get to know the people I’m stuck with.”

Ragatha could practically feel her patience start to thin. “And there’s nothing wrong with that! Really. It’s just-“

“Just that you know he’d be better off with some prettier.”

Ragatha felt her blood turn to ice and she stopped. “You don’t know anything about him…” Ragatha cursed herself for letting a comment like that show her insecurities. To be truthful, Ragatha had always been insecure about her looks.

“Oh, I don’t need to. It’s obvious. He’s only uncomfortable because he has to hide it in front of you.” She snapped, once again giggling darkly.

She felt her blood metaphorically boil. She clenched and shook her fists. “You don’t know anything about him.” She spat, firmer this time.

Marybelle was full on laughing now. “Face it. Once we’re alone, he’ll forget all about you. I’ll make sure of that.” She dropped her voice to a sultry tone.

Ragatha felt something inside her snap. Just like everyone else, the only thing she tried to do was make everyone happy. Comfortable. She didn’t deserve this. Jax didn’t deserve this.

She approached her, getting in her face. Her voice was as low and as dangerous as it could go. Her voice was sharper than any knife. “You’re not going to get near him, or me, or anyone else. I don’t care if you find the exit and never come back. Stay away from him.”

She was breathing shakily. She loved Jax so much. Past the tough and rude exterior, he loved Ragatha in ways she’d never thought possible. He had been there to defend and protect her countless times.

Now, she was going to protect him.

Marybelle almost looked…scared. Her eyes darted around for a second. She huffed and scoffed. “Fine!” She pushed Ragatha back a bit and stormed off, censors beeping into the distance as she walked away.

Ragatha took a deep breath again. She felt a bit better. Maybe Jax was right about getting her anger out sometimes.

She brushed off her dress and approached her room again, slowly opening the door. Jax lay asleep still, somehow even more splayed out than when she left.

She sighed a little and smiled softly at him. She approached the bed and slowly crawled in next to him. As if he could sense her, he relaxed when she got close. She pressed a soft kiss to his neck and cuddled up to him. His chest rumbled with purrs.

She felt her eyelids drooping to the melodic, rhythmic tone. “Goodnight, bun.”

————————————————————————

I hope this is good!!!! IM STILL SO SORRY AB THE WAIT

reblogs are appreciated! see u guys later!

[hetalian-veteran]

Art Styles I Personally Think the Hetalia Characters Looked Their Best In (and Why) Part 3

Links to Pt.1, Pt.2

Please note that I am referring to the show and not the webcomic. This is primarily because I didn't always have access to the webcomic and thus the show is what I've always been most familiar with. I will also refrain from talking about characters that have only appeared in one season.

Also, please keep in mind that these are just my opinions. And if you have any different ideas of what designs looked better, that's totally okay. At the end of the day, I'm just here to have fun.

Also, we are talking about the Nordics today. And since these guys are some of my favorite characters, prepare for me to be very opinionated. You have been warned.

Denmark: Season 4

I don't know if this is a hot take or not, especially since we've only seen him in this art style a few times, but dangit, Denmark looked his absolute best in season 4. And you want to know why? Because the other seasons make him look like a literal child. And I'm not saying "child" as in, "Oh he just has a childish personality." No, I'm talking "child" as in "He physically looks like a little kid." Here, Denmark looks like an actual adult like the rest of the nations. Not to mention that I like the duller blond color of his hair here. It helps a little to set him apart from the other blonde characters whose hair is typically colored bright yellow. Also, I prefer his eyes colored a darker blue. I just think it looks nice. Also, his wardrobe is immaculate. 'Nuff said.

Sweden: Season 4

I was close to saying that I didn't have a favorite design for Sweden, because they all look so similar to me. But I ended up landing on his design for season 4 because of his outfit. It's simple, but I like the navy blue on the lighter shade, as well as the whole outfit itself being trimmed with gold. I really don't have much else to say on Sweden. Huh, I guess I'm not as opinionated on him as I thought I was.

Finland: Season 4

Ah yes, the character whose eyes keep changing colors. While I like how soft and rounded his design is in later seasons, as they help convey his softer and more demure personality, I still prefer his original design from season 4. The reason is largely his eyes. Not a lot of other Hetalia characters have brown eyes, and I liked this detail about Finland. It's a color choice that makes him surprisingly unique. I'd also like to mention that the color brown is a warmer color and has a psychological connection to feelings of warmth and comfort. Feelings that I feel are associated with aph Finland as a character, as I've always seen him as one of the more stable and grounded of the group.

Norway: Season 7

I know I've been giving season 7 of Hetalia some grief for making the characters look too childish or dorky looking, but somehow this has not affected aph Norway. If anything, I'd say he looks at his best here. In the previous seasons, his eyes always looked dull and lifeless. I understand that's supposed to be reflective of the character's deadpan and stoic personality, but it always threw me off. But here there's a glint of light inside his eyes, helping make him look alive while still maintaining his stoic appearance. Also, the hair and the cross hairclip are beautiful. His hair is so light and fluffy, and it's styled beautifully. And while it's not in this picture, we do still have his floating hair curl, which is always a nice touch. A classic staple of a design by Himaruya.

Iceland: Season 7

I prefer this design for aph Iceland because this is one where he looks the most like both an angsty teenager and a child. Which makes sense, as he's the youngest of the Nordic Five. It's simultaneously giving off "Ugh, don't talk to me!" vibes, combined with "I hope my big brother remembered to put a juice box in my lunch today," energy. I also like how similar he looks to Norway from season seven here as well. To me it's a cute nod to the fact(?) that they are biologically brothers. Also, this outfit? It's adorable, and I love it. The earmuffs are everything.

[snexy-the-snail]

Lazy blurb

“You’re an absolute guppy.” Triton murmurs, Percy rolling his eyes at the jab. “Guppy this, guppy that, you forget I’m not half fish like you so bleh.” He responds, shoving against the soft flesh pressing against him. He had gotten more used to this than he liked to admit. It had taken some time to get used to, but half the time he swore Triton sought him out specifically for this. “I'm not half anything, I am a God, and I look how I wish.” 

Percy crosses his arms, allowing the glowing organ to move him in a rocking motion. Despite everything it was...oddly calming. The stomach wasn’t overly warm, but it was enough that he felt comfortable, and there was liquid in there as well. He didn’t exactly want to think about exactly what he was breathing but it soothed his lungs, so he wasn’t going to complain.  

“And anyway, this is getting old, I can protect myself.” At least he could for the most part here. It was just actual sea monsters that had some weird vendetta against him. Which was a lot. He closes his eyes when the light brightens slightly, groaning in frustration. “Mhm, as you did against the kraken.” Triton responds, Percy could practically feel the sass in the god’s tone, kicking at a stomach fold in retaliation.  

The Kraken had caught him off guard, and besides it wasn’t like Triton could always use that. “It got you too, don’t even try that. I know dad took it out.” He whines crossing his arms. “Father helped yes, but I was fine by myself.” 

There was a pause, Triton tensing up slightly, the muscles around him clenching tightly. “Hey? What’s wrong?” Percy asks, squirming within the tight confines of the stomach. Everything was getting brighter too, which was mildly concerning. “Triton? What’s going on, is there- do you have to fight? Let me out.” He shifts, his hands trying to search upwards. Everything felt like it was falling, and the flesh tightened more around him, making him wheeze in surprise, the off feeling of being upside down and weightless making him kick his feet out of reflex. “Triton!” he screams, his nerves feeling like lightning under his skin. Something was attacking his brother, and he couldn't do anything. He couldn’t fight, or taunt or even be a lookout. “I’m fine Percy.” Triton responds, sounding a tad annoyed, the muscles around him relaxing. He felt off, like he was floating more than usual.  

“What the FUCK was that.” He hisses out, his hands flittering around the grooves in the stomach, pressing out. It was so terrifying being practically blind to the world outside, and that was starting to fuel the fire. “That was Father deciding I too needed to be held.” Triton grumbles, the movement becoming more disorienting for a moment as Triton probably righted himself. Then Poseidon spoke, only Percy had no idea what the god said, he sure as Hades felt it thought. The rumbling was like a storm, vibrating him to the core. He covers his ears out of reflex, his heart rapidly pumping. “What the fuck.” His voice shaky as he tried to process what the utter hell was going on.  

“Ah, I apologize. Father is not...exactly in his mortal form as of now.” At least Triton had the decency to sound sympathy. This whole thing was freaking Percy out. He thought he’d burn up in the presence of a god in their divine form... That's one thing that always stuck with him, no matter what. “How am I not sand right now?” He asks weakly, relieved when he felt a pressure against him, pressing into the touch with a slight whine.  

There was another deep rumble as their dad no doubt said something but he was more focused on Triton. Focusing on the rush of the salt water into the gods lungs, the steady studding of his heart, and hell even the stomach noises were becoming a comfort. “He’s alright, I’m careful- I did try to warn you.” Triton murmurs, Percy leaning further into the gentle rubbing his brother was providing. “Father didn’t mean to frighten you; he was unaware you were tucked away.”  

“He ate you- he ATE oh...he ate me too- he double ate.” Percy cuts off curling into the stomach walls. This was a lot. The whole eating thing had been a surprise to begin with, but the fact that he was in two gods was absolutely insane. He swallows thickly, wincing when more rumbling vibrated the space he was in only...it sounded...vaguely familiar. It wasn’t really- was this a song? It sounded like a song, the words were extended.  

Soon Triton started as well, the words sounding more like words. He slowly uncurls, taking a shaking breath in as he forced on the sounds. It was...a different language, that was for sure, and he could make out a few words. The rumbling with the actual words was actually...comforting.  

“...Alright...alright...it’s fine. I'm okay.” He mumbles after a feel verses, resting more comfortably. He was still safe, he was just...more safe. He sits up more, bringing his legs to his chest. “Just a bit...overwhelming?”  

[achaotichuman]

What the fuck indeed. Thank you to @scrungocapitalism for this comment!

I think I've touched on this point on other rants before, but I want to go into more detail.

To start, let's take a look at some definitions.

Now, let's recount the events of what led up to Feyre and Lucien appearing as having an affair.

If anyone notices any wrong details please point them out, I am going off of memory here.

Feyre pretends to have a nightmare, she thrashes around in her sheets in such a violent manner that she knows Lucien will hear her, and feel pity for her. Setting up a scene where Lucien will feel guilty if he refuses her.

She goes to his rooms, and continues the act of pretending she had a horribly violent nightmare, and doesn't want to go to her husband for comfort, she wants only him. Putting them in a situation where she is in another's man room in the middle of the night, in only a nightgown, while he is only half-dressed. And naturally this act lays the guilt on thick if he were to refuse her.

So, Lucien comforts her, by holding her. However, he is under the impression she is terrified and desperately needing comfort, so he does this as a first instinct to calm her down. He is not aware, that Feyre is touching him so that she can make it look as though they were having a sexual affair.

She then waits until she knows Tamlin will be around, and then looks up at Lucien, in a way that Feyre describes as "Looking like they had just finished, or were about to start."

Tamlin sees them, and immediately assumes what Feyre wanted him to assume. She does all of this, knowing she is going to get a reaction out of Tamlin that will cause Tamlin to stop trusting Lucien, and wedge their relationship apart.

Hmmmm, tricking someone into being in a sexual position with you so that you can frame them as having being involved in an affair with you, despite them not wanting to be with you, and not wanting to appear like they are with you. Shall we refer back to our definitions? Tricking someone into a sexual situation with you, is by definition sexual assault. Feyre tricked Lucien, it was part of plan to destroy the Spring Court. Feyre sexually abused Lucien in this scene.

Not to mention, Feyre has such a lack of care for Lucien, especially in situations like this. Near the end of the whole Spring Court destruction plan, she was about to abandon Lucien and leave him to be raped by Ianthe, and only turns back because "Oh but poor Rhysie was almost raped by her, better turn back!"

I honestly, cannot keep defending Feyre anymore. Not that I really have, but I've always viewed her as a young woman who was taken advantage of by Rhysand, and groomed into acting like this. Which, do not mistake me, she was, however, there is a point where, what Feyre did was not all Rhysand. Rhysand didn't know her plan, he encouraged her absolutely, but he did not specifically tell her to abuse Tamlin and Lucien, and leave the Spring Court for dead. She did all of that entirely by herself, and feels no remorse for it.

The more I think about what Feyre has done, how she did them and why she went about them, the more I just cannot stand her. She is just... beyond hope at this point.

ACOTAR Rant

Have y'all missed these? I have. The rambling juice machine is running again apparently.

Okay, so I just saw a post @an6elic-d3vil made about the scene in Frozen where Elsa freezes Anna's heart reminding them of Tamlin's outburst in the study in ACOMAF, and it triggered a very very long rant about this. You can find the original post here, I didn't want to hijack it with my senseless rambling.

Also, side note, I think I've gone into some detail about what I'm going on about here before. I don't think I've ever made a full explanation of my line of thinking. But just to preface, if I get a singular comment or reblog calling me an abuse apologist, a victim blamer or a misogynist, you will not be acknowledged and you will be blocked.

Anyway, onto the rant.

Honestly, this is the best example of what happened between Tamlin and Feyre. No one blames Elsa for harming Anna, despite her finally accessing full power, no one would expect her to have full control over them, she had lived in fear of them her entire life. She saw herself as a monster who could hurt or potentially kill Anna, and when eventually pushed to her absolute breaking point, she exploded. Anna wasn't at fault either, but later on, it's clear she recognized that Elsa wasn't in full control, and that what she had done was not an example of her true character but a reaction she had no control over.

It's the same situation with Feyre, minus how Anna handled the situation, Tamlin had just gotten back the full extent of his powers, whilst still under immense stress. He canonically did not want the High lord's magic, and viewed himself as a monster who could hurt or potentially kill those around him. He lived in fear of himself, and when eventually pushed to his absolute breaking point, he exploded. It was a natural reaction that he had no control over whatsoever. Feyre was not at fault for it either, but unlike Anna, Feyre actively went out of her way to attribute this outburst to Tamlin's true character, when it was obviously a reaction that he actively regretted.

Tamlin then tried to reign in his magic, despite still being under immense stress, and having to deal with power that was out of control. He tried to be better, but unlike Anna with Elsa, who tried to help Elsa, Feyre sabotaged his attempts and purposefully pushed him to the point that he would lose control of his magic, and then put herself in harms way so that she could ruin his reputation.

When you look at it how it is and not through the eyes of Feyre's biased POV, what Feyre did to Tamlin when she returned to the Spring Court, is far more sinister.

Was Feyre being harmed by Tamlin's outburst of magic the first time her fault? No, of course not.

Was Feyre being harmed by Tamlin's outburst of magic the second time, when she manipulated him into having an attack, and then went out of her way to ensure he harmed her so that she could ruin his reputation and therefore destabilize the Court, her fault? HMMMMM....

Not to mention that throughout that scene, at least from my shitty memory, Tamlin was aware that he was slowly reaching his breaking point, and telling, practically pleading with Feyre, to stop, so that he didn't hurt her by accident.

Hmm, an orchestrated pattern of behavior, in this case preying on your partner's fear and high-functioning anxiety that is driven by their intense trauma, that centers around forcing a reaction out of them so that you can maintain power and control over how other people perceive them for your own personal gain? Sounds a lot like...

On a side note, I'm also kind of done with the continued rhetoric that Feyre should have 'just gone after Tamlin' and left the rest of the Spring Court alone. Because, honest to God, explain to me why she is justified in abusing Tamlin.

"He locked her up." She was attempting to follow him onto dangerous territory, despite being untrained, in a new body, and having a history of running into dangerous situations and winding up needing to saved. Even when it came to Amarantha, Feyre DIED. She has never succeeded once in protecting herself on her own when in a highly dangerous situation, she always ended up needing someone beside her or to rescue her.

"He was controlling her." He had a few sentries ensure that she would not be in harm's way. They had Amarantha's big boss coming at them and Feyre just killed one of his biggest assets, you don't think that Tamlin wouldn't be smart enough to know that Hybern would have his eyes set on Feyre?

Should Tamlin have helped Feyre in training her new powers? Yes. Did his fear of losing Feyre again blind him to what she actually needed? Also yes. But I implore you to refer to the Elsa and Anna example above. Now, that's a little bit different, Elsa was the one locking herself away, but the principle remains. Elsa controlled Anna in not allowing her to marry Hans, hiding information that caused the entire plot of the movie, and wound up harming Anna significantly because of this. But the important thing to note is that, Elsa didn't know any better. How could she have known that Anna would be able to handle this information when it literally almost killed them as kids? Plus, no one would ever say Elsa wasn't entirely correct in telling Anna she could not marry Hans, she did know better in that regard. Why would Tamlin want to involve Feyre in more magic, when she literally died a few months ago after getting too involved with Fae? And why would Tamlin not know better than Feyre when it came to her following him on a dangerous mission, he has been in these situations before, and knows more about them.

Feyre was traumatized and needed a space that Tamlin could not give her, but Tamlin needed a space that Feyre couldn't give him either. They didn't help each other, they weren't physically able to, and neither were in a mental state in which they could successfully care for the other. And that is neither of their fault. But I again ask you, why is that a reason that Feyre should be allowed to abuse Tamlin as 'punishment'?

I have absolutely strayed from the original point I wanted to make, but I'm sort of glad I did. I've never considered Elsa and Anna as a possible example of Feyre and Tamlin's relationship and yet, it's almost a perfect reflection. Trauma will change the way people think, and when panicked people lose their rationale. Tamlin should have done things differently, and later on, when he saw how his actions led to Feyre ending up in the Night Court, he actively tried to be better.

If any of you have anything to add, please do. I think there is also something to be said about the power imbalance between Feyre and Tamlin, but I think it's also similar to that of Elsa and Anna, where Elsa is Queen and Anna is the Princess.

Also, obviously, Feyre's fucked up perception of Tamlin is driven by SJM trying to break up Feylin to make Feysand happen, so a lot of things that Tamlin does are just... very random? They happen not because, Tamlin as a character would do that, but because SJM is trying to make Tamlin a horrible person. Which she is failing to do, because all of these things happen off screen, e.i killing the sentries who were on duty when Morrigan kidnapped Feyre, giving Lucien a black eyes and a split lip, etc. We don't see the very random acts of cruelty on screen, and if we do see acts of cruelty, they tend to be for a good reason. For example, the wraiths that had nothing to give for the Tithe, and Tamlin being like "Well you give something, or you're gonna be hunted down." This happens because, one- everyone has to do it, no exceptions are ever made, and two- what each person has is calculated and their taxes are all equal to the amount they have, which is extremely fair tbh.

So, yeah, this is my very long post of why Feyre is actually a really shitty character and what she did to Tamlin and the Spring Court was not a #girlyboss move, but actually a "You abused your ex for funzies" move.

[for-the-writing-artist]

My pastor was discussing the sin of lying the other Sunday ─ an absolute truth is that God hates lies, I am not denying this (see Prov 12:22, I Tm 1:10, Ex 20:16)─ with relative examples of day to day situations. I tell you, it was a real hand-on-your-head kind of day.

And unfortunately for us, ambiguous temporal creatures that we are, not all actions are everything or nothing. But I think to better explain my position, I have to identify the premises of my argument.

The first being:

Every sin holds equal value.

God will condemn you to hell for being an impulsive liar, be that the only sin you have ever committed in your life, just as He will condemn you to hell for murder (see Ja 2:10-11). But notice that, though in the spiritual plane and eternal time, it does not matter what sin you are charged with, in our temporal world, and mortal plane, some sins are more destructive than others. This is my first belief.

And the second being:

Our sins do not affect us equally.

Which is obvious. Take the sin of murder (Ex 20:13), for instance; where time and time again the OT shows whoever takes a life will repay ─ in this life ─ with their own. (Gn 9:5-6, Ex 21: 16, Lv 24:17, and in the NT, a reprimand from Jesus himself, Mt 26:52.)

Versus divorce (Ex 20:14), which was acceptable in the OT (Dt 24:1-4), but forbids either party from ever marrying again, lest they be charged with adultery (NT ─ Mt 19:9,6 1 Co 7:10, Mk 10:1-12).

Thus, I can conclude that, if God so wishes, the sin you commit will impact your life proportionally. As an addendum, the above in no way condones the Prosperity Gospel ─ as there is yet to be found in the Bible where faith and financial donations somehow annul the consequences of sin in your life.

Of Lying, and Moral Ambiguity.

In many cases, the intention of our actions leaves no room for moral ambiguity with the sins we commit ─ I cannot be so certain this to always be the truth in the case of a lie. A murderer's intention is premeditated. A divorce is only allowed under the clause of sexual immorality.

Why do we lie, then? To deceive our neighbor with perjury or slander. Strong's Hebrew seems to imply this commandment strongly in the topic of courts, and injury to one's image.

Something my pastor talked of was honesty in the face of our worldly governments ─ in my opinion, this shouldn't always be the case.

I am not talking about small things like tax evasion (← the example he used), simply because the consequences of evading taxes are too big to justify the risk. It is unwise. But I do argue against using the example above as an endorsement for us to always be honest with our governments.

If I were hiding Jews in Nazi occupied Europe in the 40s, would the Christian thing to do be, if the government came looking, to lie or not lie? Simply because lying is a sin, I should therefore reveal that yes, am I hiding Jews?

In this example, I ask that you go back to my second premise, and examine the impact the lie and the truth have in the supposed scenario.

This is a situation where one or multiple lives are my responsibility, along with my own. And what does this ill-placed honesty impact in their lives? Certain death, and mine also, if we take what the Nazis did in Poland to heart.

The lie does not seem unreasonable, as is my responsibility in this situation to keep theirs, and possibly my own safety, intact.

A lie (the sin) is spread due to malice, falsehood, or slander, directed at one or more people ─ a false testimony without cause, intended to cause perjury to another. In such cases, the sin is absolute and easily identifiable.

In conclusion; though I hold that honesty is always the ideal thing to do, I cannot agree that it is absolutely so when it comes to local governments or authorities.