#but Dazai isn’t and has never been evil

[wow-an-unfunny-joke]

Imagine if you were sixteen years old, like everybody’s boss, and weren’t expecting to be alive by next week. Imagine how you would act under these circumstances

Dazai isn’t even morally gray, he invented a whole new color of morality

He’s like morally violent or some shit

[mystwrites]

As requested by @tapocheeek, here are tickle HCs for Chuuya and Akutagawa!

Ryuunosuke Akutagawa

Lee:

Akutagawa’s really ticklish much to his embarrassment

Doesn’t normally like being tickled unless the people tickling him are Gin, Atsushi, Dazai or Chuuya

Less ticklish than Chuuya and Atsushi but more ticklish than Dazai

Somewhere between a 8.5 and 9/10 on the ticklish scale

Never admits it but loves being tickled by Atsushi

Always wants Dazai to tickle him but Dazai only does so if he’s with both him and Atsushi

Stares into someone’s soul and tries to manifest the tickle monster within them should he want to be tickled (he’s too shy to ask)

Most ticklish spots include his thighs and armpits. His armpits are so ticklish!

Also has really ticklish feet but it’s a gamble if tickling Akutagawa there is possible. He’s not much of a kicker but will kick someone should anyone touch his ankles. Only Dazai and Atsushi have gotten to tickle Akutagawa’s feet

Will try to hold his laughter in but always ends up breaking after a few seconds

Swears and threatens to kill whoever is tickling him but doesn’t really mean it. He only is serious if he doesn’t like whoever tickles him

Has the cutest laughter! It starts off as a raspy soft, boyish giggle but becomes louder and more hysterical the longer he’s tickled

Only belly laughs if raspberries are utilized. Akutagawa secretly really likes raspberries despite them tickling him so badly

Snorts and squeals a lot if he’s tickled for a longer period of time

Blushes like crazy at the mere mention of being tickled

Can’t be tickled for too long. Akutagawa will start coughing after five minutes

Ler:

Prefers tickling others than being tickled. He likes to be in control of situations

Can’t tickle Gin. Ever since they joined the Port Mafia, they hardly see each other and when they do, he quickly realized that Gin’s not as ticklish as she used to be and too damn fast

Too scared to tickle Dazai. He has too much respect and fear for the bandaged man

Managed to tickle Dazai only thanks to Chuuya and Atsushi who both wanted to get revenge on Dazai for the constant tickle attacks

Akutagawa joined them but all of them regretted the tickle attack since Dazai is known for revenge

Akutagawa only pokes Chuuya’s sides and subtly makes fun of his reactions. Chuuya bites back and tickles Akutagawa to near death each time

Absolutely LOVES to tickle Atsushi. The weretiger is his all time favorite tickle victim because of the strong reactions and adorable laughter

Has the most intense tickle fights with Atsushi whenever they get into it

Utilizes Rashomon if he’s feeling particularly evil or extremely lazy

Really good at teasing without even knowing it

Loves teasing Atsushi to see him babble and blush like crazy

Tried to be romantic with Atsushi and kissed his tummy but realized Atsushi is too ticklish

Nibbles Atsushi’s neck and loves listening to the laughter it produces

Akutagawa loves tickling Atsushi’s bellybutton. He finds it really entertaining and loves hearing the detective cackle

Chuuya Nakahara

Lee:

On par with Atsushi in terms of ticklishness. Chuuya is DEATHLY ticklish

Easily 10+ on the ticklish scale and Chuuya HATES how ticklish he is

A single finger aiming for his sides will cause him to jump and stick to the ceiling or walls

Will not hesitate to kick and flail about all while cursing

(Stormbringer spoiler) When The Flags were alive, he got tickled by them often

Has a loud, shrieky laugh that causes anyone who tickles him to laugh along with him

Poor Chuuya is a walking tickle spot but his sides/ribs, feet and thighs are the worst

Dazai tickles him all the time. Ever since they began working together, Chuuya’s been targeted constantly

Can’t handle Dazai’s tickles to save his life but isn’t one to back down if a tickle fight is prompted

Speaking of tickle fights, Chuuya has the most chaotic and intense tickle fights with Dazai

Raspberries KILL Chuuya. He can’t handle having raspberries blown on his belly or along his neck. It tickles way too much

Can’t stand Dazai’s neck nibbles or kisses. Dazai tries to be romantic he really does but Chuuya’s way too ticklish and it always ends up turning into Chuuya getting tickled

Believe it or not, Chuuya really loves being tickled but only by Dazai

Ler:

Chuuya rarely tickles anyone except for Dazai and Akutagawa but has different methods of tickling them

With Dazai, it’s all about revenge. Dazai tickles him too much for him to be able to get away with it and Chuuya is RUTHLESS with Dazai

Like, zero breaks. Just intense tickling on all of Dazai’s worst spots until he apologizes for whatever shit he’s done

On the contrary, if he wants to be gentle with Dazai he will be but it’s rare to see Chuuya being sweet and gentle with the bandaged man

Chuuya’s playful and soft side appears only if he’s alone with Dazai and in a relatively good mood

With Akutagawa, Chuuya is very gentle and playful. He never goes beyond Akutagawa’s limits and is wary of his coughing fits

Mainly tickles Akutagawa to stop him from sulking and to try and cheer him up

Tickled Akutagawa for just staring at him and not using his words but tickled him even more when he realized Akutagawa wanted to be tickled

Helped Dazai tickle Atsushi once but felt bad. Atsushi was more ticklish than he thought so he helped Atsushi and tickled Dazai to death instead

His gravity manipulation works wonders on anyone he decides to tickle. Dazai sometimes won’t bother using his ability so Chuuya has a field day using his ability and wrecking Dazai

Tickle fights with Dazai are a must! Chuuya honestly has a blast having intense tickle fights with Dazai and they’ve done it since they were fifteen Kudos to all the Port Mafia members who put up with their teenage shenanigans

[anqelically-archived]

moment 12 · ͟͟͞͞➳❥ osamu dazai x gn!reader

word count: 0.5k

content: no manga spoilers, fluff, sorta comfort, mentions of violence and killing at the start because it’s dazai

navigation | event masterlist

osamu dazai believed that someone like him didn’t deserve blessings. willingly, he’s manipulated, tortured, and killed his enemies. his blood was as black as the crimes he had committed in the past. it stained his soul, never able to go away. there was no one more tainted than him.

however, you walked into his life and for a brief moment, he forgot about his polluted mind.

as fairytale as it seemed, you didn’t see him how he was used to being seen— cold-blooded, ruthless, and or mysterious. though, you didn’t know of his past as a port mafia executive. in your eyes, he was just another man the same age as you. but for some reason, you let him stick around after figuring out his past.

on a day when love is celebrated, valentine’s day, dazai wondered why you loved him. why fall in love with a man that sits on top of a mountain of sins? he decided to ask you while you were both still laying in bed.

“why do i love you even though you did those horrible things?” you repeated, leaning further into your pillow. “hm, i won’t ever forget what you told me you did, just like the people who survived it won’t. just because you now work to help others also doesn’t erase what you’ve done. if i think about it, i still love you because of how the world works.”

dazai raised a brow, “how the world works?”

“mhm, you heard me. no one in the world is just born to be evil, their environment changes them to be. this applies to you, a human in this world. the people that controlled you back then made you this way, so i’m glad you got away from them. just like how an environment can push you to do bad things, it can push you to do good. i’m glad you found the agency because they’re all great people trying to do good in this world. some people can be surrounded by good and ignore it if they wanted, but you welcomed it into your life. just like your friend said, helping others is more beautiful, isn’t it?”

you lovingly pressed your forehead against dazai’s, your nose almost brushing his. your left hand snaked up from his arm to his cheek, caressing it softly.

“i don’t deserve you, love. hell, you don’t deserve to be with someone like me,” dazai said in a negative tone

when you first met dazai, you thought that he’d be cold, physically cold. so when you held his face in your hands and felt the warmth radiating off of him, it was safe to say you were a little surprised. you don’t know why, but the warmth he emitted made him even more human to you.

“why? you’re as every bit human as i am, are you not? no one can tell us what we do and do not deserve. don’t say you don’t deserve me just because of who you once were. just think about it now, osamu. i love you because you’re willing to change for the better.”

after you spoke those words, you finally pressed your lips against his. like a mantra, you repeated “i love you” as you gave him small kisses. after a while, he slid his hand behind your head and pulled you into his chest.

dazai held you close to him, his blessing in disguise.

note: I HAD SUCH A GOOD START TO THIS DRABBLE BUT THEN I ADDED THE READ MORE BUTTON AND IT GOT DELETED… tumblr on mobile has been annoying sometimes ever since they messed with the format of the app a week or two ago </3

please reblog for more!

[dazais-guardian-angel]

Dazai truly has become Oda in every way imaginable now. :’ ) the final words he gives to Sigma are the exact same words Oda gives to Dazai in the original scene Asagiri wrote for the end of the Dark Era stage play, 後は頼んだよ, “I will leave the rest to you.”

And I really love the progression of the way his eyes look in this chapter, and how Sigma is allowed to have this moment of questioning and rebelling against all the faith Dazai had naturally been leading him to place in him up to this point, which is what I hoped would happen. He’s been confused ever since Dazai first chose him, and everything he’s ever known about how everyone sees/treats him turned upside down by Dazai’s words and actions, and just when he’s finally started to feel like he’s found some hope and lowered his guard, Dazai pulls him back underwater, instantly reinforcing all of Sigma’s trust issues and reinforcing that he should never believe in anyone, because (he thinks) everyone lives to manipulate other people. Dazai’s dark eyes here reinforce that, too, and the other panels around this point where they look white and hollow and demonic, all like Fyodor’s. He appears like an evil, looming force pulling him back under, trying to kill him, when Sigma is so close to the freedom of the air he desperately wants (aka free from pain, which is what he’s been seeking his whole life).

But then Dazai makes this face, and the first one I posted above, and Sigma understands, even without words, that Dazai doesn’t have evil intent: on the contrary, he actually is bound and determined to save his life -- and the light in his eyes comes out through this determination and kindness, arguably the most light we’ve ever seen his eyes have in the entire manga (in the “I leave the rest to you” panel too). The “No” could be Dazai wordlessly telling him to not leave the water, but my first assumption was that it was Sigma telling himself no, stopping his own train of thought about Dazai being the same as Fyodor and someone he shouldn’t have trusted -- he soon realizes why Dazai stopped him, and that he’s still going to try to save him, that he wasn’t wrong about him, and it’s all because Dazai’s earnest expressions get through to him.

And it’s just so heartwarming to see how far Dazai has come. :’ ) He tried so hard to save Sigma (doing the most physical action we’ve ever seen him do, really), did his best to be reassuring and comforting to him afterwards, and then reaffirmed his promise to ensure he escaped Meursault alive, his final words to Sigma echoing Oda’s and his last action being to save an orphan, just like Oda did in his last moments. Obviously Dazai isn’t actually going to die, he’ll be saved somehow, but I do think as of right now he really does think this is the end for him, and that he didn’t foresee the elevator dropping -- he was examining the wires a few chapters ago because he thought he might need to know how to open the doors in case Fyodor pulled an uno reverse, hence why he looks more annoyed than shocked when the water starts, but here, when the drop collision sequence is initiated, he looks genuinely shook in comparison. There’d be no reason for him to give the thumbs up if he knew more danger was on the way, either; that’d just be cruel. No, I don’t think he saw this coming, and it’s important that that turns out to be the case: it’s important that he spent what he believes to have been his last moments saving someone like Oda wanted for him, and doing what Oda would have done in the same situation. That doesn’t mean that it’s okay that Dazai throws his life away so easily, and cares so little for his own safety; he still has a long way to go in that regard. But it’s still so beautiful to see how much he’s changed, and how much he’s truly begun to embody Oda and his legacy; the fact that he messed up and miscalculated, because Dazai isn’t infallible, but in turn didn’t hesitate to use his last moments to save Sigma. Oda would be so proud for everything he did here. :’ ) 💖

There are a lot of options for how Dazai will be saved, and by who, but personally I hope (and I kind of expect) that Sigma chooses to not give up on him and ultimately plays a role in saving his life, to return the favor and repay him for his kindness. Not only would it be a beautiful way to initiate Sigma’s ADA entrance exam as people have said, but it would bring the Dazai > Atsushi > Sigma chain full circle: Dazai saved Atsushi at the start of the series, allowing him to (spiritually) save Sigma at sky casino thanks to the growth fostered in him by Dazai, and now finally, Sigma could potentially save Dazai thanks to Atsushi kickstarting his own growth (and Dazai continuing it). Fyodor is overly cocky right now and so tunnel-visioned on killing Dazai, it’s possible that he has no idea that Sigma managed to escape the elevator and is now a wild card; even if Sigma doesn’t go as far as killing Fyodor himself (which I don’t want, tbh; that’s endgame stuff arcs down the line and imo Nikolai and Dazai should be the ones involved with that), he could throw a wrench in the jailbreak duel, and help Dazai and Chuuya get out alive. It would be poetic, and only fitting, for Fyodor to underestimate and be outdone by the kind of person Dazai told him is the strongest in chapter 77 -- a self-proclaimed “ordinary man” -- who could only have the strength to take such action thanks to the chain of kindness that Oda originally started. 💖

[rustinoctober]

My unstructured trail of thoughts regarding Dazai's choice in joining the ADA and becoming someone "better"

This rant might seem a little bit subjective, so pardon me if it does.

I think most of the misconceptions hovering around Dazai’s character as a whole can just be summed up to say that some people view him as an overly nihilistic guy with no desires in life unless it was instant death… Which isn’t too far from the truth, but looking into his character from different lenses would challenge that assumption.

I’d like to view him in a way that would give his character more depth and relatability to the audience—which is what bsd aims for. His character is obviously one of the most challenging ones to understand and analyse in bsd (also because we have no idea where the bbg was before the pm), so it wouldn’t be entirely wrong or correct if anyone disagrees or agrees with this.

To start off, one of the most well-known characteristics of Dazai is the fact that he lacks the virtue of the genuine “humanity” other people have, which is what drives the other characters to their internal conflicts and eventually their part in the story. However, Dazai is obviously harder to fit in with the common trope that follows this structure, which is why I personally think he needed a “push” externally to give him a reason to search for his goal and desire to live in the “good” side—which was Odasaku.

That also brings us to the common misconception about his character being the most morally grey out of all, and that is honestly a very subjective thing to label a character with. At the end of the day, a character’s actions are based on their subjective morality, which obviously differs between each character, and therefore it would be inaccurate to say that “character X is morally grey because they did [ ____ ], which was neither good or bad”, because you never know if [ ____ ] is still considered good or bad in the other characters’ moral views.

I also personally think that whatever sense of morality Dazai has, it was built more on the basis of social construct than stemming from his human nature. He’s too far being a “neurodivergent” to the point of not being able to form the normal morals of society from himself, so he tries to adhere to what he can when he joined the ADA.

Okay, going back to the link between the 3rd paragraph and 4th one—when he was in the Port Mafia, it was evident that he had no preference to the good or bad side, which is why Odasaku ushered him to continue his journey in the good side. I don’t want to say that Odasaku wanted him to be on the good side to find his reason to live, since it was clearly indicated that Odasaku knew that he wouldn’t be able to do that, which Dazai knew as well. Even if he had no preference for either, he’s still as human as he can be when you can predict that he still wants to find that reason for himself.

He was shown to be better at handling himself and others in the ADA compared to the PM. And I’m not saying that there’s no clear indication between the themes around those both organizations, but their goals are similar, which means that whatever actions Dazai committed in the PM or the ADA could’ve been handled way differently than they were—indicating that it wasn’t the circumstances driving him to act in a different way.

His mentoring of Akutagawa and Atsushi is a clear example of this. And he knows that Akutagawa could’ve been handled better if it wasn’t him mentoring him.

His mere actions might put him into the darker side of the morality spectrum, but his PM self sits almost in between. However, in the ADA, his actions are more into the lighter side. Would I dare and say that he had the virtue from his human nature? No, but I would say that the desire to have that virtue was there, which drove him to try and choose the best moral course of action. In the PM, his actions were almost never excessively evil just for the sake of being evil.

This probably was the reason of leaving the PM, on top of Odasaku’s death. Rather than him serving Dazai a reason to live solely on his speech before his death, but his death also made Dazai realise that despite the PM holding the reputation of being extremely logical, that logic can be cruel, and it never affected him so deeply like it did when his only two friends were lost and Odasaku—who was one of the few people he dared to look up to—died due to Mori’s actions. I like to think that’s what strengthened his morality, even if it wasn’t as genuine as the other characters.

Yet, we see that his pragmatic nature from the PM never changed completely. He’s still taking the best course of action to arrive to his goal, but now his best course of action lacks the ‘cruel logic’ that was in the PM, yet never lacking every logic in his actions. This is why I’d like to place the credits of his actions for him rather than it’s just 'what he has to do’ and his responsibility as an ADA member. For someone like him, it takes a tonne of will to continue living and finding a reason with his black mafia past, and it’s admirable.

Right, so I lost my trail of thoughts and ig this is where it ends for now <3

[1bringthesun]

it was @rivensdefenseattorney who made the mistake of asking to see any of them, for now i will toss brevity for the side and state my loud opinions! naturally, all applicable questions will be answered about bsd.

1. Mori Ougai, hands down. first there are those who believe he’s a man who lusts for the feeling of having power over others, then those who turn him into a saint who only wishes what’s best for everyone else. people simply can’t admit that he’s morally grey; a good bad character. but in this fandom, honestly, everyone is sorely mischaracterized. Ranpo, Poe, Dazai, and Akutagawa are probably up there as well.

2. Odasaku just wouldn’t be a good top because he’s that sort of guy who always assumes he’s doing something wrong. he’d ask every five seconds if his partner felt ok to the point of which they’d just go “get your ass on the bottom Odasaku, it’ll be better for both of us” and he, being the type of person he is, would do it no questions asked. plus, i think he looks cuter when he’s following instructions, but that may just be me…

3. my phone unfortunately doesn’t have enough storage to take any photos. also there are so many bad ones i wouldn’t be able to choose.

4. (this has nothing to do with bsd, but) when she blamed me for not reaching out first after telling me she wished i’d never been born and said she was leaving me forever, i was like: “okay if that’s how you wanna play it” [blocked]

5. umm…. i’m not in many big servers. i’ve always hated those egirl/edating ones though, where nobody knows each other.

6. burn me at the stake for this if you so please, but i simply cannot tolerate most soukoku fans. some are good. some are great! most are short-sighted children who can’t form opinions apart from the mass’ and harass people for not thinking the same way as them.

7. Chuuya. still recovering from his fandom portrayals. i’ll get to liking him eventually, but they make it hard…

8. that Dazai would ever vent to someone else. i don’t care if you portray him as completely dysfunctional or not, but Dazai is the type of person who always hides his true intentions until someone directly asks him or the situation calls for him to reveal it (Higuchi targeting Atsushi, Azure Apostle event, etc.). he would be the last man to ever give anyone else he knew his own emotional baggage, especially when it reveals his intentions and vulnerabilities. the only time he ever visibly looked distressed in canon was when Odasaku died. you’re telling me this same man cries in Chuuya’s arms and tattles to his shachou that Mori sucks?

9. i don’t like some of the simpler tropes, like the idea of atsukyou or Higuchi’s idolization of her senpai, but i tend to like most of canon.

10. how bigoted so many of the fans are. so many of them won’t even hear out alternative opinions…

11. ah, i actually don’t know how to filter things! but if i did, i’d probably filter pro-shipper/anti arguments. not looking for internet discourse about that sort of stuff; i prefer to just mind my own business

12. Odasaku is my first thought because i like him the most, but he’s actually pretty well-received. so instead i propose that Kajii, Ace, and Kyougoku should be given more attention. Kajii because he’s incredibly nihilistic, almost like fanon Dazai, and says the oddest things. Ace because i love when characters are paranoid and selfish, and he’s incredibly paranoid and selfish (also he said Fyodor would look good in a collar which i vehemently second.). Kyougoku is so charming, he’s like if Dazai decided to be a little evil and liked attention more. beloved, all of them.

13. people who woobify Mori make my skin crawl. he deserves to feel as much pain as my other blorbos but for the love of god stop making him seem like an innocent person when his character is fun specifically because he isn’t.

14. Fukuzawa being a dad to Ranpo. it’s very commonly something minor that’s included in fics. i see it a lot.

15. that kanji-writing blank page background that the bsd anime used in the beginning to introduce characters and whatnot. i really like how some artists include it in their work

16. i really don’t understand what fascination people have with making PM members spit on the name of Mori and join the ADA. Chuuya is interesting to me because he’s carved out a home for himself in the PM, and he’d lose his appeal if he turned his back on all of his comrades to “join the side of the light.” same goes for Akutagawa. in canon as it stands, he doesn’t have what it takes to be a good detective. i don’t enjoy how many people associate ADA with good yay happy morally white when even the canon clearly states that they’re not. Fukuzawa told Kunikida to shoot Dazai if he seemed ill-meaning during his entrench exam. that same man wouldn’t accept mafia members instantly at the batt of an eyelash. also, without the execs, the tripartite framework falls apart and leaves Yokohama vulnerable to attack. the mafia needs power in order for the city to stay safe.

17. where they put characters in immensely uncomfortable and revealing situations and cause them extreme amounts of mental stress. i love it. it’s horrible.

18. Kouyou!!!! she’s always portrayed as just Chuuya’s anesan or that pretty mafia woman Yosano has a crush on. i wish people would develop her character for who she actually is more. she’s like if Kyouka’s story stopped being told, like if Yosano never met Ranpo, or like if Odasaku stayed an assassin. like if someone embraced their dismal fate. so interesting. Kouyou-anesan is so cool.

19. …………………the Kajii and Yosano ship.. i can’t believe i fell for the classic enemies to lovers trope………..i just do love a boyfailure and the woman who beats sense into him….

20. didn’t really enjoy the PM arc in the way beginning. didn’t like the beginning of cannibalism, either, when everyone was just hiding from each other. (when i say i didn’t like it, i mean comparatively. i loved it very much by normal standards)

21. soukoku lap scene in dead apple…

22. Fitzgerald’s return arc. it was written so beautifully, and the way Alcott managed to inspire him really captured my heart. he’s so charismatic that i can feel myself drawn to him even though he’s just in my screen. his confidence is infectious. i understand why his subordinates can act so proud.

23. fyolai. i used to hate it. now i don’t mind it, but i still can’t see it as endgame.

24. Mori: enough said.

25. that Asagiri shouldn’t have made the Tanizaki siblings act the way they did. it’s not like he came up with the idea all by himself; Naomi comes from “A Fool’s Love” wherein Naomi and Jojii really do act that way. it’s much ickier in the novel, to be honest, and Naomi in BSD is so much more likable. i’m glad she was added in. it adds depth to Tanizaki’s character. she’s also a delight.

hope you enjoyed~ do feel free to give your own opinions or argue with me. i’m always interested in broadening my horizons.

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[misslovasstuff]

Why Dazai is a complex character

We all know how hard it is to get in this man’s mind, right?

First, let’t take a look on what makes a character complex:

- Conflicted or contradictory motives - Change or grow as a result of the story’s actions - Decisions advance the story’s plot - Create conflict in the story’s plot or theme - Learn something about themselves

 It fits Dazai perfectly, right? Now let’s take them one by one.

1. Conflicted or contradictory motives

- to die/to find meaning/to save others/? What the audience is given to realize is that Dazai wants salvation through death. His desire to die comes with a shade of humor to hide how sad and tragic it really is. Other than that, one motive of his is the promise he made to his friend who died on his arms. You see it right? Dazai’s motives are contradictory because he saves people but can’t really save himself. Although Dazai is on the side of ‘good’ which is actually something that doesn’t really exist in BSD world because everything is more like in a gray area, his motives are more focused on others rather than himself. While on the mafia, his focus was on himself, his doom and suffering. That’s what made him so miserable. People aren’t sure whether Dazai has changed, and they question his conflicted motives. But in reality, it’s very simple. Dazai has no hidden motives other than the ones we already know. He’s not the type to aim for power and fortune. Dazai just wants a bit of happiness, he wants to answer questions that are impossible to answer. I’d like to quote a Dostoevsky saying:

“Pain and suffering are always inevitable for a large intelligence and a deep heart. The really great men must, I think, have great sadness on earth.” ― Fyodor Dostoevsky, Crime and Punishment

2. Change or grow as a result of the story’s actions Dazai’s grow is something people fail to see. I’ve read thoughts on this matter and some claim that Dazai hasn’t changed at all. That is partly true.  Before Oda’s death, Dazai was not open to people (and still isn’t) but the difference stays on how he dealt with it. In the dark era, Dazai drowned himself in misery, seeing only darkness and claiming that this is how it always has been for him. Whilst in the time being, Dazai hides his misery behind a smile and happy facade. Bsck then, he made no attempt to change, nor did he tried to look things differently. Dazai was alone, completely. There were times he was surrounded by people he genuinely cared about, like Oda. Now, the thing is, without Oda, Dazai may have never gotten the development he got. Hardly would the things lead differently if Oda was still alive. With Oda, Dazai felt comfortable, not judges. He felt like he could open up with him because Oda would always listen to Dazai without joking around or judging him. That’s the reason why Odasaku was the only person that came close to understanding Dazai, because he was the only one Dazai opened up to. I believe that is becuase in reality, Dazai trusted Oda. We know how easily he can see through people. Perhaps, he saw in Oda that kindness and goodness that intrigued him. He saw such integrity and selflessness that made him lower his guard.  Their relationship was beautiful. They let aside the ranks and always had each other’s backs. Sometimes, between two people, it just clicks. It feels like you’ve known each other for a long time and you find yourself comfortable, you let yourself be. That’s how Dazai was. Maybe, the only thing that kept him happy, was his friendship with Odasaku and Ango. Because those were two people that accepted him the way he was, people who appreciated life and had dreams and goals, something that Dazai longs to have. When Odasaku died, Dazai’s hope died with him. Although extremely intelligent, Dazai is optimistic. He had hope that he’d find a solution to his problem, but Oda’s words shattered him.

Dazai did not cry. But you can tell that he’s ready to. Look at his face and tell me that that’s not the most devastating Dazai you have ever seen. His lip trembles and his eyes give away how hard it is for him, how hard it has always been. This is the moment that Dazai takes the decision to change, keeping the promise of his friend to become a good man and protect others.

3- Decisions advance the story’s plot Dazai is the one who comes up with brilliant strategies, but that’s not all of it. 

- He took Atsushi under his mentoring and hired him as an agent in the ADA.  Atsushi plays a very important role in almost every mission or situation that ADA is in.  If Atsushi wasn’t in the ADA, things might have gone completely different. - Dazai decided to join the good side. Yet again, if Dazai didn’t join the ADA, there would be no Atsushi, no shin-soukoku and probably the ADA would have already fallen due to the immense power the mafia would have with Dazai in it. More people would die, wars would destroy the city and things may have gotten to be worse. - The creation of shin-soukoku The plot goes around Atushi and Akutagawa as the new generation of the double black, a powerful duo brought together for the good of the city, to defeat the greater evil. Their mentor, who sees the potential in them better than everyone else, has forcefully made them work together, which had successful results. If Dazai didn’t make such decision, Atsushi and Akutagawa may had already killed each other. - Dazai decides almost any plan and strategy there is. He plays his cards well and the way he thinks and acts determine the aftermath.

4- Create conflict in the story’s plot or theme - Dazai’s a problematic character for a lot of reasons. He’s lazy, distracted, unbothered, mysterious and secretive. Sometimes, unwillingly he creates conflicts that sometimes as viewed lightly by the audience. Like the shin-soukoku conflict. A part why Aku hates Atsushi is because he is Dazai’s junior  and that he gets almost everything that he himself once desired. He gets praise and acknowledgment from Dazai. The latter, has not acknowledged Aku that way he wants to, but surely he has acknowledged him on his own way. Dazai made him part of the new double black and puts his trust in him and Atsushi. Dazai too believes in the quote that��‘only a diamond can polish a diamond’. Furthermore, we have the conflict between the mafia and the ADA. You may think that it’s not directly tied to Dazai, but he plays a major role. Having Dazai in the opposite team, makes it harder for the mafia to create successful operations. Not only Dazai’s intelligent and cunning, but he’s an ex-member himself which makes him even more of a threat to the mafia. His suicidal tendencies is the reason why he met Atsushi in the first place. So in a way, Dazai drives the plot of the story.

5- Learn something about themselves I believe that this is the point we are all looking forward to. Although we have already caught a glimpse of Dazai considering his worth as a human being in the Dead apple movie, but also in the manga countless times.

Just look at his expression. How his eyes close so peacefully when Atsushi claims that he does things that let him know that Daza’s a good guy (visiting graves and also in the end of the movie...)

Dazai sees himself rather harshly. He judges himself for his past and puts himself in constant misery. Maybe he doesn’t accept the fact that he’s a ‘good guy’, but he’s desperately trying to be.

Take a look to the following panel (chapter 50)

You can tell how much Dazai wants to help and this warms my heart so much.

“Yosano could heal me and I could help in the search”

 He clenches the sheet because of the frustration of not being able to help; that his ability is holding him back. 

HE’S BLAMING HIMSELF.

Like one would say that he’s injured, or that he was shot, but no. Dazai puts the blame on himself like he always does.

I’d like people to acknowledge Dazai’s growth because our boy is trying so hard. Dazai literally went from hell to salvation. He has already found his salvation but he hasn’t recognized that yet.

In conclusion, Dazai is the complex character we so much love. In the future, maybe we’ll be able to see him a bit more happy. Genuinely happy.

(sorry this was very sloppy but I hope you get the point)

[knockyasocksoff2022]

Well, we have a winner. looks like poor lil' Sushi boi is taking one for the team. *evil laughter*

I'm so excited! This is what I have so far:

Everyone knew it was coming, looming like distant rain clouds on a sunny day. But, for now, at least, they’d put it all out of their minds.

Today, however, on a miserably stormy day, the president has an announcement.

“Ahem, may I have everyone’s attention?”

Affirmations echo around the office. The detectives think it’s sweet how despite having their utmost respect the President still asks kindly for their attention.

“I want you all to listen very carefully. You can most likely sense from my tone that the news I bear is not good. At noon today, Mori-dono will be paying us a visit to inform us of which one of you he’s selected for a position in the mafia.”

Each member reacts differently, but the underlying emotion is all the same: shock.

Everyone thinks some version of the same thought: “I thought we’d have a little more time!”

Kunikida steels himself, stepping a bit in front of Atsushi. Yosano pulls Ranpo closer. Kenji finds Kyouka’s hand and grips it tightly. The Tanizaki's cower in the corner. Dazai stares off into space, eyes fixed on Yokohama's five tallest buildings visible from the window.

“Nobody’s taking my Junichi away!” Naomi declares, crushing her brother in a suffocating hug.

“Ahh, Naomi . . . l-let me go . . . please!” Junichiroiu whimpers.

The president’s face turns hard, determination in every wrinkle, like a lone tugboat readying to face a Typhoon. The old wooden boat that could, the years only having made its planks sturdier, ready to take the waves without so much as a grimace, an immovable object preparing to meet an unstoppable force. 

“Mori-dono has given me no indication of who he’s going to pick. It may very well be Junichirou or any of us besides Yosano-san, so please prepare yourselves. Say anything you feel you need to. Once you’ve been selected, you will immediately pack up your things and head with him to the mafia headquarters. You are to waste no time with your departure.” 

The President’s face turns sad. Well, not exactly sad, it’s more than that, deeper, mournful, longing. “Once picked by Mori-dono you will be an official member of the mafia.” He says this as if he cannot bring himself to say ‘You will cease to be a member of this agency.’ “and as per the rules of this agency, we cannot have mafia members on the premises unless for a prearranged meeting of absolute necessity. So with that in mind, I suggest that all of you start clearing out your desks of any personal items you would wish to bring with you. There is no need to prolong the process. Haruno-san will hand out boxes.”

Haruno obeys, passing out cardboard boxes, and with heavy hearts, every agency member save for Yosano gathers their trinkets and places them inside. Only Dazai, who has nothing but his precious suicide manual which he always carries on his person, stands at the window, still looking out at what could be any of their future workplaces.

— 30 Minutes Later —

None of the detectives have gotten much done. Most of them have either mumbled quietly to their deskmates or looked thoughtfully at their effects. 

With his small personal shrine, Kenji prays for Mori not to pick Kyouka or Atsushi. He isn’t naive. He knows someone must go, but not someone who only recently found a home in the agency. He prays for whoever does get chosen to have an okay time.

Kunikida writes his thoughts silently down in his notebook.

Yosano lets Ranpo sit in her lap, twiddling a ramune marble, whilst she sorts the infirmary supplies. She feels almost sick in her safety with the boy who showed her the light on her lap. 

‘As much as I never want to be in the clutches of that . . . man (if I can even call him human) . . . if he picked Ranpo . . . I . . . I might go then, just to ensure that Ranpo can always stay in the light.’

Kyouka polishes her katana and dagger.

The Tanizaki siblings are locked in an embrace.

Atsushi tries his best to ignore the growing panic, aimlessly twirling the rows and columns of a Rubik’s cube.

And Dazai just stares.

ADA Member -> PM Deal Fic Poll

Please reblog for a larger sample size.

I already wrote about Tanizaki Port Mafia AU (where he decided to join on his own), so besides him, who should I write about? I'm talking about being selected for the transfer, not voluntarily joining. (Excluding Yosano, ofc as well as Kenji, and Kyouka b/c just nO!)

Might include ships, but might not depending on the person.

Here are some ways I think each member could be good in the PM:

FUKUZAWA

no extra training required

knows Mori

is at least somewhat familiar with Yokohama's underground

canonically has bloodlust

and only stopped killing because he knew it was BaD

people would be AFRAID

Kunikida and/or Ranpo could take over the ADA

it’s really interesting b/c if he goes Ranpo might follow

and then where would the ADA be?

The fic would prob be tortured Fukumori

slowburn (idk how good I am at writing slow burn but we'll see . . .)

The rekindling of old failed toxic love that was killed before it could really get anywhere or see if it could bloom into something pure

now they have to figure it out in their new circumstances

and if it even can work

but first, they'll have to admit that there's still even the faintest hint of something there

and even then Mori will have to WORK for Fukuzawa's love (don't worry)

KUNIKIDA

organised and efficient so he could easily manage trading operations domestically and overseas

smart even if we may not see a lot b/c of dazai and Ranpo

could probably pick up languages easily

I think he'd be great at undercover work since he's actually capable of being subtle

and he is used to being around *normal* people more and has better social skills

I also feel like he's the type who he can look totally different with a different hair style (or colour) or even if he just takes off his glasses or doesn't wear his little vest or something

and his ideals don't align exactly with the law, only what he thinks is right

he’s willing to do what is necessary to get the job done

if joining the pm and controlling Yokohama’s underworld means less crime and violence overall then he’ll do it

I still think he wouldn’t kill but

he'd prob be really good at interrogation and combat missions that didn't involve killing (like theft or kidnapping for information/money or something)

I don't think he'd be the perfect fit but if they warped or broke him enough he could be absolutely terrifying in the mafia

No ships

Kuni has way higher standards (58 criteria to be precise) and these FREAKS meet none of them

A fic with him would probably be hella angst.

I'm not sure I have a very good grasp of his character yet, so out of all the options, I'm least enthusiastic about writing for him.

Also, I'm already doing a Hunting Dogs AU for him.

ATSUSHI

obviously, his ability

it's the full deal: strength, speed, agility, regeneration

the perfect partner for sskk

the thing last Mori needs for his SKK 2.0

his combat skills are a little haphazard (relying on brute force mostly) 

but Kunikida has been tearing him in martial arts a little 

even though they have hardly any time with all the CHAOS

you're prob thinking "NO WAY! He literally says he needs to save people to live! That's like his whole thing!"

you're right

but if Mori or the other executives warped him, I think b/c he's so insecure, they could convince him

(kind of like they did Kyouka, only her will is stronger than Atsushi's)

that violence and destruction and killing are his purpose and what he was born for.

But, I doubt Mori would go the route of telling him it's all he's good for and that if he doesn't do it, he's good for nothing again.

He knows it didn't work the first time and it's too easy to reverse, especially since Atsushi has already been with the ADA.

I think Mori would set about convincing him that he deserves to let his anger out for all the world has done to him

that the world is his enemy and that he should punish it

that people deserve his wrath for allowing a society where he could be treated the way he has been to exist

Prob slow burn eventual SSKK

on this blog, we say Aku is just fine, perfectly okay, and doing well

They're still going to fight like angry cats

Aku will prob realise his feelings when he finds himself missing Atsushi's old personality

idk

meanwhile, Atsushi is just drowning in the brainwashing

the "bliss" of anger and he's too unaware even to fight it

still, SSKK become partners

and knowing them, it's to the point where only they don't know they are together

them "not-dating" will prob be like their messed up therapy and break Atsushi's trance or smth

maybe they hide the fact that he's not mind-controlled or whatever form Mori

Atsushi might still decide to stay just to keep any other agency members from being transferred

and who knows he may even learn to like it

idk

I haven't thought too far ahead yet

it's too late and I should be in bed but

ANYWAYS here you go!

NAOMI

I know I said I wouldn't do Junichirou

but if you're getting one, you're getting both

They’re a package deal

(Mori might take her just to get Junichirou because he knows they won't leave each other and then he'll end up using Naomi's skills as well)

and what's not to love

besides Jun's crazy killer skills

Noami is smart, savage and a little cruel (how she treats Jun when he's seasick) and unhinged

(thinking of the time she suggested Atsushi do sexual stuff for his entrance exam)

not to mention Dazai tutors her

If you can't have Dazai, why not have his student?

(I swear that's canon, correct me if I'm wrong though)

she has the potential to be heartless, sadistic, and terrifying

She also likes to see people (Junichirou, at least) squirm and be uncomfortable or suffer to some extent.

idk

maybe that’s just their dYnAmIc though

(thinking again of how she treats him when he says no to her and is clearly uncomfortable. Also when she talks loudly and obviously about sexual stuff in front of others.

I’m not sure if it’s intentional or if she really is that insensitive or unaware of how it makes others feel

I suspect the former

this would be a DARK fic

she'd have her villain/corruption arc (YASS, slay Queen)

maybe if I focus on her story more it won't seem TOO repetitive from my Tachizaki mafia fic.

Idk

what the people want, the people get

but we just know sooo painful little about her (aside from her in relation to Jun since their *thing* is kind of her whole personality *cringe*)

unlike some I still like her

If I did there would be no ships

idk even know who to ship her with from the mafia

or maybe I’d be BOLD and go for the ewwie incest

idk

if not then prob very background Tachizaki

Again, please reblog for a larger sample size.

[dinosaurtsukki]

random bungou stray dogs hc's that exist in my head

a/n: no real reason for me writing this other than the fact that i’m depressed and need to procrastinate on my studies and other WIP’s dklajdlas hope you guys like this (there might be a pt. 2)

akutagawa is Banned from drinking coffee. mori himself forbids him from ever drinking it

thats because the first time he drank it (in a meeting when chuuya was serving coffee) he just went completely fidgety and broke the ceiling with rashomon

so no coffee for him. ever.

higuchi tries to quit coffee too because akutagawa-senpai doesn’t drink. she ended up crying on day 3 without coffee

also, contrary to what everyone thinks, akutagawa is very much a cat person

he doesn’t go out of his way to pet cats but he thinks they’re cool and doesn’t mind if they rub themselves against his legs

and then fukuzawa was walking around and found akutagawa pretty much doing nothing and is yet still surrounded by cats and he feels so fUCKING BETRAYED

he carries cat snacks and everything AND THE CATS STILL WON’T NOTICE HIM

fukuzawa feels a bit better about atsushi wrecking akutagawa’s ass in their first fight

ranpo visits the convenience store near his house SO MUCH that all the employees already know him by name

ranpo thus makes it a point to remember their names and ask a lot of personal questions about their life that he just randomly deduced

sometimes he opens the snacks and eats them already without paying for them but they let ranpo off the hook

dazai actually knows how to play the keytar. he learned back when he was in the mafia because it pissed off chuuya so much

he also cuts his hair by himself but it always ends up disaster so he calls kunikida to help him 

at first kunikida’s like ‘no it’s not in my schedule’ but dazai sends him a pic and he’s like ‘ok i’m on my way’ 

he’s actually very, very intimidated by the sole fact that someone like kenji exists 

that’s because dazai accidentally opened up about his entire life story to kenji after just a few minutes of knowing each other and the fact that kenji hasn’t used it to his advantage frightens him

everyone in the ADA has tried to scare kenji at some point but every single one of them failed

kenji likes giving people cow-print socks on christmas and they look horrendous but everyone wears them

atsushi loves collecting mugs and whenever he buys one, he always buys another one for kyouka

that said, recipes involving mugs and a microwave fascinate him and he tries to make mug cakes as much as he can

kyouka personally isn’t a fan of these mug cakes (she thinks they’re weird) but it makes atsushi happy so she can’t bring herself to say no

atsushi has only said ‘fuck’ once and that was after he was so shocked at hearing kyouka say ‘fuck’ that he just yelled ‘KYOUKA-CHAN SAID FUCK’ only for dazai to go ‘ATSUSHI SAID FUCK’ 

not a good time for fukuzawa and kunikida to come in with a very esteemed visitor

kunikida does a fair amount of yoga to keep himself sane

but he does have a tendency to emit a low-pitch scream when the instructors tell them to let out their worries

he has a book full of crossword puzzles that he likes to work on in his spare time but then one day he came to the office to find that ranpo had filled out every single one

kunikida has never considered punching ranpo but he did for one second

he is ASHAMED of this but he did use his notebook once in a while to make a spare key to his apartment because he keeps losing his keys

jk dazai steals them from him

chuuya makes Really Good Coffee, specializing in drip coffee in particular

the reason why he wears black a lot is because the coffee stains would be less visible

he’s actually REALLY BAD at technology. he’s been so busy working at the mafia that the whole smartphone revolution went past his head but he still only knows how to work a flip phone

yosano sometimes wears a nice dress to work but that’s only when all her other clothes are in the laundry

she actually visits the port mafia casinos quite often and is a sucker for slot machines. she wears a really long coat when she goes to visit and mori was pretty sure he saw her once

yosano definitely saw him and proceeded to hit her head against the slot machine so that she’d look like just another crazy casino-goer

the tanizaki siblings love buying matching phone charms and switching them out every few weeks

they actually rehearsed that part where tanizaki pretended to bomb the agency with a whole script and everything

tanizaki has maybe used his light snow once in a while to skip out on work and play video games in the corner and ranpo noticed but he promised not to say as long as he was in on it

chuuya accidentally called kouyou ‘mom’ at one point and the two of them just stared at each other before swearing to never speak about it again

kouyou has probably used golden snow once in a while to help her dress and she needs help with dressing because she conceals knives everywhere 

the metal detectors light up like a christmas tree whenever she passes by them so no, she doesn’t go to malls much

while elise has a sweet tooth, mori is really into salty food. it’s quite addicting for him actually

for the longest time, people thought that the mug on his desk was full of coffee but no, it’s actually just salted peanuts that he snacks on while doing paperwork

he actually doesn’t know how to play chess. people assume he does because he’s an evil mastermind but mori can’t remember the rules please stop asking him if he can play chess

***********************************************

taglist (check out my post for details on being part of my taglist): @waitforitillwritemywayout @tpwkatsumu @laure-chan

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

Hi! I love everything that you write and heh I am a fan! 😄 tbh this is my first time requesting something on Tumblr! If you don't mind and if I am not being a bother...can you write about how the guys would react If MC suddenly starts making meme references? I don't know how I got the idea but I am REALLY curious. And love you! :D

Hiya! Tyvm for the kind words, and apologies that this took a while! I hope you have the chance to enjoy it regardless ❤️❤️❤️ Love you too, sweet pea! I promise to get to the next request you’ve sent ASAP~

Aight but this would be hilarious because the range of the reactions is just ungodly. I will be putting this under a cut after Napoleon so I don’t clog up everyone’s dash, but all the suitors are included below otherwise! 

Comte is the one that recognizes a few, but didn’t really stay in modern times long enough to be as well-versed as a Gen Z kid might. Regardless he finds the wittiness and absolute chaotic fuckery to be delightful, and will 100% support the harmless nonsense. It never fails to get a laugh out of him

Mozart that first day be like: “Buzz off MC I hate you” MC, because she likes swinging bats at wasps’ nests: “Well that’s not very cash money of you” Mozart: ?????????? Comte, giggling in the bg like the secret fae he is This one’s just because I’m petty, but after the events of Comte rt I just imagine them encountering Vlad again and MC’s just “I lived bitch.” while Comte is flipping him off behind her lkjahgkjhdsg

Comte @ Leo when he finds the latter under his desk: Had it not been for the laws of this land, I would have slaughtered you.  MC: wheezing from the hallway as she’s about to give him his letters

MC: So how was your day, honey? Comte: Good, good--briefly had to go beastmode upon the punk that pilfered my lint roller MC, biting her lip to keep from laughing: So does Leo still have his kneecaps? Comte: for now.

Comte, @ literally anyone upsetting the MC: I won’t hesitate, bitch

Comte: Be careful with my emotional baggage, it’s designer

MC: What if I was evil and ran towards you at very fast speeds Comte: My arms are strong, I would catch and hug you

Leo and Dazai are the ones that don’t have a single reference point but are filled with so much dumbass chaos energy that they just. Understand immediately???? Nobody knows how or why, but they just catch on so fast--adapt the language in a matter of weeks. Never underestimate the power of combined boredom, depression, and humor

I swear to god I just see MC taking them their Blanc/Rouge and being like “here you go sir, one enslaved moisture” and they just go fucking hog wild from day one. MC starts impersonating Theo when he leaves the room around Dazai, like fake deep voice “you all only hate me because you do not like me and I am mean to you. grow up.” Or like the MC meets a baby on her travels with Leo around town and she holds them and says v seriously and sagely “So you are Baby? I have heard tales of your exploits.” and Leo about loses his shit right there. They both think MC is the funniest person alive--they’ve never been more eager to throw a ring at someone in their entire life.

Also a bonus for my beloved Dazai:  MC, facing even the slightest inconvenience (like dropping her fork) in the most dramtic voice possible: Life is not daijoubu. Dazai: wheezing

MC, after watching Theo turn down a woman at the bar in the meanest way possible: bro quit letting the darkness consume you u r scaring the hoes Dazai, literally rolling around on the ground, half-drunk and dying:

MC, walking alongside Dazai and stopping to stare at her reflection in the River Seine. Dazai’s expecting some sad or twisted shit, since people often feel comfortable talking about those things around him, but instead she just: “Oh, it’s you. The source of all my problems.” And he about falls into the river from shock HAHAHA

At this point don’t be surprised if his next book is about an absolute madlad woman similar to MC

Napoleon finds it to be a delightful quirk more than anything? He doesn’t really understand it, but he finds it funny when they change their voice for effect or speak in exaggerated tones. If it’s just comprehensible enough for an outsider to understand--or Sebas gives him context--chances are it’ll send him into a laughing fit

For this one I just imagine MC singing that Ratatouille meme song obnoxiously bad while cooking, and Napoleon and Comte are just so wildly amused by it bc it makes zero sense and it’s only vaguely French at this point

MC @ Napoleon while they’re cooking brunch: Can I offer you a nice egg in these trying times?

MC, conflicted because she’s tired and wanted to sleep in but also got to see Napo’s cute sleeping face for a few hours: For my next stunt, I’ll wake up at 5AM on the day I can sleep in. Sebas: Early to bed and early to rise makes a person healthy, wealthy, and wise MC: early to bed and early to rise makes me a massive bitch Napoleon: laughing in agreement

Isaac is the type to be bewildered and concerned at first (especially when he hears the more nihilistic ones hoOOOoooOO BOY) but eventually begins to understand it’s some bizarre attempt at humor (that hurts Zack baby). While some part of him laments that it reminds him of Dazai and he’s secretly jealous of how she and Dazai bond over it, he will sometimes join in the chaos when the mood strikes him and he’s feeling mischievous

Isaac: How are you feeling? MC: Oh, I’m not Isaac: seconds from dialing 911 Isaac: Are you okay? MC: Oh yeah dw I just suffer from that syndrome where your neutral expression makes you look like you’re an angry serial killer Isaac: say sike rn

Isaac, tutoring MC and correcting something:  MC, muttering while redoing it: The risk I took was calculated, but man am I bad at math. Isaac: unable to help a laugh

One time MC was avoiding Isaac for fear of hurting his feelings and he just confronts her like: Isaac: back by unpopular demand, me! What’s wrong, MC pls MC was so hecking proud of him

Isaac, telling MC about a recent discovery he learned at uni from another professor: bones typically heal stronger after they’ve been broken--so long as they’re set properly, of course MC, looking him dead in the eyes: So what you’re saying is that I should break every bone in my body until I become superhumanly powerful? Isaac: please do not, no

Mozart and Jeanne are just. Totally lost. Why are you talking like that??? Why are you making “crab hands”???? They don’t understand. Maybe never will. They reach a point where they just kind of laugh and shake their heads, endeared by the oddity after they’re used to it and have determined it isn’t a threat/insult. 

MC: It’s a cold and it’s a brooooken, Waluigi. Waaaaluigiiiii...waaaahluigi..... Mozart: surprised, then starts snickering and playing along on the piano

Arthur, asking MC very personal questions out loud because he is an idiot sometimes: Soooo MC, are you a top or a bottom? MC: I’m a threat. (If he asks a second time, the response will be “Wouldn’t you like to know, weatherboy.”) Jeanne, fighting a smile:

MC, about to punch an asshole: Your free trial of being alive has ended Jeanne, seconds from laughing for the first time in 100 years:

Also, because I genuinely can’t help myself. You know that knight meme like “Parry this you fucking casual.” I cannot stress enough that it is literally the personification of Jeanne’s entire character. I’m not even joking.

Arthur and Shakespeare are utterly fascinated by the rapid evolution of wordplay and the sheer hilarity. They will ask all about these so-called “memes” and ask for examples of them if MC can show them (either somehow accessing her phone or drawing them). MC draws Arthur the knife cat meme and he about a s c e n d s at the hilarity of it all, points and yells THEO IS HOLDING THE KNIFE. He is correct. They will be delighted and follow along eagerly, and--god forbid--will make their own based on late 19th century struggles.

Is this where Shakespeare got the idea for “What, you egg? stabs him” and “You are a saucy boy.”? I’m too scared to ask. Don’t even get me started on “The Fool jingled miserably across the floor.” That one is just too on the nose...

I can’t even imagine what would happen to Shakespeare if MC like translated vines and memes into Ye Olde English around him. Imagine she’s at one of those noble balls and hears rumors of these two guys living together and they’re so obviously gay and he says “And those gents w’re roommates.” And in the most false surprised tone ever MC just replies “oh mine own god, those gents w’re roommates.” Imagine having a wife that’s just as hilarious as you are and hits you with all the force of a bag of wet mice every time you speak in retaliation, he’s going into palpitations.

Every time Arthur does smth stupid MC just: “I Pretend I Do Not See It.”

Vincent is tickled pink by MC’s penchant for finding joy and/or amusement in nearly everything they do, and he smiles gently when he sees them muttering and laughing to themselves. He wants to be able to join them in what they love, but he has a harder time following along and understanding the darker humor sometimes. Mostly gets confused??? Please give him the easier ones to mimic and laugh when he tries--or just include him in your jokes MC. He’s babie your honor...

But he also. Will not. Stand any kind of self-deprecation or borderline verbal self-harm. He’s usually very easygoing and calm, but for whatever reason that stuff makes him go deathly quiet and upset.

MC, after something goes horribly wrong, hugging Vincent: Oh Vince, we really in it now Vincent: giggling a little despite his worries, relaxing

MC: Theo stop simping for Vincent that’s my job

MC, when Theo leaves the room and she gets Vincent all to herself: The evil is defeated.

MC: And this is where I would put my will to live...if I h a d one! Vincent: ;-; MC: oh shit, oh fuck, I was only kidding Vincent wait (MC was subsequently lectured and loved on for many hours)

Theo is conflicted because on the one hand, he loves to see you smiling and having fun. On the other, you’re clowning as hard as Dazai and Arthur and he can only handle so many monkeys in his circus. Most of the time he will roll his eyes and be the straight man of this comedy, but you might find him cracking a smile--or accidentally letting a chuckle slip past his lips now and again.

MC, after meeting Theo: I’m a nice person, but I’m about to start throwing rocks at people.

Theo, those first days: Oh? You’re approaching me? Instead of running away, you’re coming right to me? MC: I can’t beat the shit out of you without getting closer.

Theo: Every time I ask MC to explain “vibe check” to me she hits me with some kind of improvised weapon

MC, after the “incident” (you know the one): This year, I lost my dear lover Theo Theo, in the distance: QUIT TELLING EVERYONE I’M DEAD! MC: ;-; sometimes I can still hear his voice...

Sebastian is last because oh boy. OH BOYYYYY I LOVE HIM. Okay so the way I see this happening with Sebastian is just. So wild. Because at first he’s t r y i n g so hard to be the proper butler man. He does not meme. But then he starts to drift closer to what Niles from The Nanny was, where he’ll quip and joke in private or when the situation is just beyond the amount of absurdity he can handle without making a snarky comment. Everyone in the house can’t fathom how Sebas and MC got so close so fast, but there are points where they’re just “Are they even speaking English anymore???” It’s 11 times funnier than normal because Sebas almost never smiles or laughs when memeing, the deadpan quality of his playing along sends MC every time

Has ABSOLUTELY said “HEY. PANINI HEAD. ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME???” jokingly when MC made a mistake in the kitchen. They laugh about it for y e a r s

MC: I can’t date someone who keeps a lamb as a pet, that’s so weird Sebas, brushing Lotte in front of MC: MC: MC: Okay, I will make an exception because she looks very polite

MC and Sebas, fully aware of the fame some of the men will reach in modern times: We will watch your career with great interest.  (I s2g that’s like half of Sebas’ rt right there I’m crying)

Sebas rt with Lotte be like that 500 dollar Mareep meme: “sometimes a family can be just a boy, his gf, and their 500 dollar two foot tall Lotte”

[caffeinatedseri]

The Strength of Selfishness

Each character in BSD has a degree of selfishness or selflessness in themselves, but the way this concept is executed opens discussion on the nuance of “selfishness,” or specifically the flaws in believing selfishness is an inherently bad trait.

Atsushi

Atsushi fits the description of selflessness, but I’d argue that he’s actually more selfish than he thinks he is (keeping in mind that being selfish isn’t necessarily a bad thing).

Akutagawa points out how Atsushi will needlessly risk his life in order to protect others, which sounds like a pretty heroic act, but it comes with a cost. Atsushi isn’t invincible, especially at this point in the story when he hasn’t fully mastered his ability, but his insistence on protecting others puts him in constant danger.

At the end of the day, Atsushi would have a greater chance of surviving many of the dangerous situations he puts himself into if he was more selfish by protecting himself before others.

However, Atsushi is also somewhat selfish in his motivations for acting so virtuously. 

Once again, Akutagawa points out how Atsushi only acts this way because of his deeply rooted belief that he has to risk his life for someone else in order to give his life value. You could argue that Atsushi only saves others as an attempt to prove to himself that he’s worthy, an inherently selfish motive. If Atsushi actually died, he would be endangering the people he could save in the future.

Selfishness also includes self-centeredness. Particularly with Akutagawa, Atsushi’s tendency to focus solely on himself becomes especially noticeable. Atsushi constantly doubts himself and his strengths; he also ignores his privileges and the struggles of others, particularly when he can’t completely understand them — hence why he views Akutagawa so harshly but sees Kyouka and Lucy as people who need to be saved. 

Despite all of this, Atsushi still creates a positive impact in other people’s lives. His innately selfish motivation is what drives him to protect others, and he ultimately succeeds in doing that (case in point Kyouka and Lucy again). 

Akutagawa

Akutagawa is pretty similar to Atsushi in how his past led to his inevitably selfish motives, but his manifests in a different way. 

Akutagawa has to be selfish to protect himself, due to a mix of his past prior to joining the mafia and Dazai’s teachings that collectively reinforced the belief that if he’s weak, he can’t survive.

This results in Akutagawa taking other people’s lives, a direct contrast to how Atsushi saves others, in order to prove his worth as a strong individual that deserves to live. However, this sentiment narrowly crosses the line of hypocrisy when Akutagawa does the very same thing that he criticized Atsushi for: looking for value in his life through other people.

Akutagawa also unnecessarily risks his life in order to prove his strength, which is arguably more dangerous and selfish than what Atsushi does. 

When Akutagawa fights Hawthorne, he practically eggs on Hawthorne to kill him, or at the very least fight with the intent to kill. Akutagawa was also injured before entering this fight, so running away would’ve been all the more reasonable than continuing to fight.

Drawing another parallel to Atsushi, Akutagawa has that very same resolve of risking his life unnecessarily to prove his worth. 

It’s undeniable that Akutagawa has killed many people — which is arguably extremely selfish — and loss of life really isn’t something that I want to push as morally correct. However, I would like to push the idea of redemption: finding a way to escape this messy lifestyle. I sincerely doubt that the incessant cycle of killing is any good for Akutagawa, or that it’s the life that he wants to have. 

With Atsushi and Akutagawa, both of their character arcs will develop accordingly to this balance of selfishness and selflessness.

Ranpo

Ranpo is characterized in a slightly selfish way, but this mindset comes with good reason (relating to Ranpo’s past). 

When Atsushi was kidnapped, Ranpo places priority on protecting the agency. If he were to meddle with Atsushi’s problem, which was technically a personal issue, then the agency as an organization would be put at risk. This isn’t necessarily a “wrong” mindset, but it is self-centered.

Of course, this is one of many examples to showcase Ranpo’s arrogance, but his arrogance is actually a form of self-protection. 

“So his father knew, after all. He understood that Ranpo possessed an extraordinary gift. He knew his son had the special ability to observe, remember, and uncover the truth in the blink of an eye. That was why he sealed it away. He didn’t want Ranpo to go astray, to ever hurt others and make the world his enemy.  His father wanted Ranpo to learn virtue and what’s right just like any ordinary person until he had grown up with good judgment and knowledge.” —  LN 3, “The Untold Origins of the Detective Agency”

Before Ranpo met Fukuzawa, he was just a young, lost boy who didn’t recognize his extraordinary talents. His parents taught him to be modest to allow him to develop as a normal person, but he never truly understood who he was in comparison to other people because he was orphaned at a young age.

Thus, Ranpo had to embrace his superiority, in an albeit dramatic way, in order to accept the world and himself. If he believed that people weren’t as intelligent as him, then he wouldn’t have to hate himself for feeling like an outsider to a world he doesn’t understand. 

Similarly to Akutagawa, Ranpo’s selfishness isn’t born out of hatred or negligence for others, it’s simply a survivalist instinct. 

Dazai

Dazai’s case is a little trickier to define, but I feel that he’s changed a decent amount throughout the series. I’ve seen some people argue that Dazai only helps others because of Oda’s dying wish, which would make his motivations for doing so inherently selfish. This rings true for Dazai before becoming a part of the agency, but I’d say he’s changed a lot just from interacting with the other agency members.

Dazai’s shown to be capable of the selflessness that involves risking your life for others, but because he’s Dazai, he’s most likely never going to actually die (he has taken necessary precautions to make sure he doesn’t die like in Dead Apple). In this case, Dazai was willing to risk his life for intel from Fyodor, similar to how he got captured by the PM intentionally for intel on Atsushi.

What he says here is especially important: “Certainly, people are sinfully stupid. But what’s so wrong about that?” The Dazai that was once isolated from others, that lacked a sense of direction and purpose in life, has grown one step closer to finding that purpose.

It’s no secret that character to character relationships have a big impact on everyone in BSD, but it’s especially relevant for Dazai who’s growth comes from learning about human nature. He and Fyodor both share a level of super intelligence that ostracizes them from the rest of society, which consequently makes them incapable of understanding other people.

Dazai’s statement here just shows how he’s willing to look past people’s mistakes — yes, they may be sinful and/or stupid, but that’s just a part of human nature.

And in this case, he acts in a stupid way by risking his life for someone else. Yes, it may be stupid, but this selflessness is also a part of being human.

I’d also like to add that Dazai was somewhat selfish in leaving the PM so suddenly after Oda’s death. As an executive, he undoubtedly had some responsibilities to handle, and not to mention Chuuya who was dragged into the mafia because of him in the first place. However, leaving the mafia was ultimately better for his development, and you could argue that the PM is doing just fine with Mori remaining as the leader. Thus, Dazai is another example of how selfishness isn’t harmful in nature.

Mori

On the topic of Mori, he’s a character who outright acknowledges his selflessness as a necessity for the mafia’s advancement.

As I mentioned before, selflessness is a stereotypically heroic trait, but it’s flipped around in BSD. You see protagonists with greater selfish convictions than the antagonists, who live their life based on this idea of selflessness. 

Of course, just because Mori is an antagonist, this doesn’t mean that selflessness is an innately “evil” trait. In fact, this selflessness is how he grows his organization and gains respect from his subordinates. Mori’s selflessness is used for the benefit of everyone else in the PM (ignoring the obvious crimes that the mafia commits of course).

Oda

Oda is often seen as the role model example for a “good man,” in the world of BSD — which is true to a certain extent. We certainly know how he was selfless in a multitude of scenarios, from saving the orphans at the Dragon’s Head Conflict, to his resolve to not kill anyone, and his push for Dazai to leave the mafia. 

However, I’d like to discuss Oda’s selfishness. Oda was well-aware of Dazai’s issues during Dark Era, and he seemed like the only person who would understand Dazai at that level. Despite this, he still chose to die. 

“(Dazai) is just a child who’s too smart. Just a crying child who’s been left alone in the darkness, a world of nothingness far emptier than the world we can see.”

— LN 2, “Osamu Dazai and the Dark Era”

Oda is an idealist first and foremost; when reality fails to match his ideals, it becomes unbearable for him to continue living on. 

Oda was selfish in his conviction to die, because he knew he could’ve done more for Dazai, but he chose to leave him with a dying wish rather than staying with him to potentially fill that void of loneliness.

(I’d like to mention that Oda wasn’t wrong for his choice, because Dazai ended up on the right path in the end. It was simply an act of selfishness that ended for the better).

Kunikida

Kunikida is an idealist, much like Oda, but he also draws close to being a realist at certain moments.

Kunikida shares the same selfless resolve as Atsushi: to save everyone. His ideals seem unbreakable to the point where he would risk his life and succeed in the end no matter what, purely because he’s just that committed towards his goals.

This treads closely to Atsushi’s selfishness. In this case, for Kunikida, it’s somewhat a part of his self-fulfilling prophecy to make his ideals come true, but he acts selflessly because of these ideals that he believes in. 

An important thing to note here is Fyodor’s grin, because Fyodor — as an idealist — is well aware of the fact that the greater the ideals, the loftier these ideals become in reality. 

“By that very logic, then Miss Sasaki was not responsible for any of these recent events! She didn’t even want a world in which all criminals are rightly judged! She only— Tell me, Dazai! Was it right for her to die? Is this the ideal world I’ve sought for…”

— LN 1, “Osamu Dazai’s Entrance Exam”

At the end of the Azure Messenger Arc, Kunikida realizes the flaws in his ideals when he fails to uphold them. By trying to save both Rokuzou and Sasaki, he ended up losing the both of them. No matter how hard he tried to save them, there was no possible way for him to achieve the level of “justice” that he desired.

This teaches an incredibly valuable lesson to Kunikida that shifts his mindset towards a more selfish direction.

Kunikida’s experience leads him to teach Atsushi, another person strongly motivated by ideals, to not follow the same path as him. You could interpret this as a sign of Kunikida’s declining resolve, but I prefer to view it as another form of self-preservation.

Kunikida very well understands the pain that comes from not meeting his ideals, which could easily affect to Atsushi considering how difficult it would be to save Kyouka.

The scene in which Kunikida goes to save Atsushi parallels what Kunikida told him previously: “Your boat can only carry one person. If you let someone beyond salvation come aboard, you will only drown together.”

Notice how Kunikida is in a boat with plenty of space, but out of fear that his ideals won’t be upheld, he’ll lower them to an lesser standard. Instead of trying to save two people, he settles for one, despite the fact that he has the capacity for two. 

This instance is a moment of selfishness from Kunikida, an act of self-preservation to prevent the inevitable pain that comes with unmet ideals. 

However, Atsushi subverts his expectations by pushing himself to save Kyouka regardless of his sinking boat, because Atsushi’s own ideals motivate him to do so. Kunikida teaches Atsushi to be careful with the balance of selfishness and selflessness; Atsushi teaches Kunikida the beauty in being selfless.

[pompompurin1028]

I’m so sorry for spamming you with asks all day long😭😭 But omg I gotta ask you this before I forget!!

So I was reading No Longer Human and this paragraph really interested me:

Crime and Punishment. Dostoievski. These words grazed over a corner of my mind, startling me. Just supposing Dostoievski ranged 'crime' and 'punishment' side by side not as synonyms but as antonyms. Crime and punishment—absolutely incompatible ideas, irreconcilable as oil and water. I felt I was beginning to understand what lay at the bottom of the scum-covered, turbid pond, that chaos of Dostoievski's mind—no, I still didn't quite see... Such thoughts were flashing through my head like a revolving lantern when I heard a voice. (…)

This is really interesting, especially considering Fyodor’s scene in Dead Apple where he talked about Crime and Punishment.

What do you think he truly meant here? I understand that his sense of “crime” isn’t the same with the dictionary definition of crime, normally one would consider the punishment to be the consequence of the crime. Is he talking about the corruption of justice or the society? I wish we got more insight about his thoughts on this, but Yozo gets interrupted during his inner monologue which is saddening.

Ahh I'm so glad someone wanted to talk to me about this!! Because this part had been on my mind a lot since I've read the book, as this is one of the parts that I didn't really grasp and understand. But also really interested me, and I wished he wasn’t interrupted too. Ahh Dazai-sensei’s mind is so intriguing. Anyways

I do also feel that he is referring to a different type of crime, not the kind that we see in the justice system. No, I don't think Yozo nor Dazai has much care about that type of crime. After all, as we've seen in the anime, as Oda said good and bad doesn't mean much to him. This is also parallel of one quote in The Setting Sun, “I have never, not even once, acted on the basis of any doctrine or philosophy”.

But what if he isn’t referring to that kind of crime? I mean even Yozo himself said “actions punishable by jail sentence is not the only crime”. Crime can also be defined as “an action or activity considered to be evil, shameful, or wrong”. And what does this parallel to? Perhaps some other quotes from No Longer Human, “Mine has been a life of much shame” or “Living itself is the source of sin”. So is being human a source of crime in his pov? For we are constantly deceiving one another, as he said:

“I am convinced that human life is full with many pure, happy, serene examples of insincerity, truly splendid of their kind-of people deceiving one another without wounds being inflicted...”

But why does he see repentance, confession and prayer as synonyms to crime if that is the case? Perhaps it is because to do so, is to go against the normalcy of what Dazai seems to deem as humanity, and thus it is seen by others as a crime?

And yet, Dazai sees punishment as a complete opposite perhaps it is because this “crime” which he sees humanity commit is so frequent that it is ingrained in us? And is never punished for?

I honestly have no idea, but that could be one way to interpret it. But in a sense it is kind of ironic, because although Yozo seems to recognize this “crime of humanity” and is confessing his “crimes” in his works, he himself is deemed a criminal by the rest of humanity, as people like Horiki sees him as a criminal.

Honestly this whole part of the story is so interesting to me, and I’m so glad you wanted to talk about it haha. I wracked my brain for this😂

I also really like how this analysis interprets it, this is also the analysis which talked about Dead Apple and Carl Jung! And I urge you to read it, but only after season 3 as it has spoilers for it. There are also some manga spoilers in it as well unfortunately, but not too much I’d say?

[euronymousandrogynous]

The Tyranny of the Elderly Gaze

I don’t get to write here very often and I have had a long, enduring break from the world of Tumblr for years for the sake of my own mental health. But today, as a transman, I had an experience that just made me need to vent it all out.

I get looked at every day. And that alone bothers me. The old, those who in our culture, we are meant to worship and admire as wise, are ideologically evil at times. Not all of them, but sometimes I really think that the only time America was morally righteous was 1941-1945 and then, it ended with nuclear catastrophe and the POC who served were treated terribly. But the “greatest generation” raised some entitled, coddled failures of human beings.

Boomers are basically children who have no concept of struggle, they were merely sentient in the same way an automaton or a roomba is able to think about how to navigate an obtrusive corner. They do not know what it is like to live in our housing market, to live inside of our heads that have more self critical voices than ever.

Today, in public transport, an older man stared at me for what felt like half an hour. And I just completely lost it. I am trying to have an ordinary day in my own skin, my own flesh and be comfortable with the person I’ve always been.

But even if I closed my eyes, I could feel the lingering judgement that peered through the darkness at me. I’ve always been a moth in the dark, attracted to the light of others, but all of my empathy for this person died instantly the minute he snuffed my flame out. 

This person did not know me, but he hated me. He hated me and wished I did not exist. The look on his face alone proved that he saw me as someone less than a human being. And I hate that.

My entire life has been endless apathy and misanthropy, I have Osamu Dazai-tier loathing for life and my existentialism tells me everyday that living is meaningless, working is meaningless, that my disabilities and the fact that I simply have no idea of ‘self’, no concept or context of who I am half the time, even down to my fucking name... When people look at me like this, it just validates all of the hateful talk in my spirit. It is flaming arrows that scorch the battlefield that is my daily Afghanistan, my daily Iraq, this perpetual occupation of myself and this insurgency against who I am. Because no matter how much I do for the betterment of myself, there are a thousand voices inside of me that chitter like a swarm of locusts. I can’t make the chirping stop, a thousand birds constantly telling me how nothing I am, how I am nothing and will be nothing.

I want to just turn everything to zero somedays. If we all came from a big bang, I want to be apart of the nothingness that eventually becomes something.

Every day, people stare at me. I hate, HATE having to go to a woman’s bathroom. Just because I have to sit down to piss. It isn’t fair. But if I go to a men’s room, my own dudes act like I’m walking into the wrong place or they see me as something they can belittle, rape and destroy.

The decadence of other people’s thoughts are killing me. Because soon after this encounter with a boomer on public transit, I was doing my pitiful shopping with what little money I get a month from helping my mother due to her own disabilities and poor health... there was a boomer who basically asked if he could be ‘invited over’ to my place... at 7 PM! He just invited himselfover and his intent was obvious. He even said “You’re a strange girl, but its fresh!” And he just kept following me and saying how I dressed was fresh or interesting. I asked him politely to leave me alone but it was only when his WIFE came to babysit him, was I free from him.

I felt so sick. I couldn’t eat even. I skipped another meal with coffee and energy drinks as an appetite suppressant. 

But I’m not giving up. That is my motto. Everyday, I hear a hundred voices saying I’m fat (even when I’m skinny and close to being underweight), that my chest will never be masculine, that I’ll never be able to buy that black metal hoodie in a men’s size without it making look like a dress on me, that I’ll never be as cool or strong or as brave as Elliot Page, that I look more like an Elliot Rodger, that people think I’m a “school shooty supreme”, or I remind myself that I have modeled myself after a gay, communist-sympathetic black metal musician who was stabbed by an actual fascist and maybe I am doomed to a similar fate. But I’m NOT fucking give up. Look at me all you want, my self esteem will get better and stronger one day, while you boomers will die alone because your kids and grand kids hate your evil, cowardly opinions. You can’t accept trans people, you can’t even fix your own phone - let alone take a selfie!

This isnot an ageist post, this is just to the boomers who think its okay to STARE AT TRANS PEOPLE LIKE WE ARE DOGS THAT NEED TO BE PUT DOWN. My grandfather is a veteran and a great guy, he loves me for who I am and he taught me how to do ‘boy stuff’ like spit in public when I was still just discovering who I am.

To ALL the boomers who have GROWN and CHANGED YOUR HEARTS to accept US, THANK YOU! I love you forever!

I may make more posts like this sometime.

Feel free to reblog this if you have felt something similar or experienced something similar and want to get it of your chest, bros and dudes and girls and gals!

I’m disabled, struggling to keep my phone, internet and groceries up to date and I don’t have many nice things. If you want to see more content from me and some more of the transman, disabled perspective with a bit of optimistic nihilism, considering sending me some dosh at cashapp

My cashapp is $MyrkrMork

My icon there is a touhou fumo, it should be

I’m not e-begging, but any extra money goes FAR in my situation and gives me more time to write and vent and think things over and handle myself in a way that might help others or simply relate to others

I do have a paypal but I don’t want to just put my dead name out there to strangers

Cheers

[dear-yandere]

— oyasumi dazai.

ada! osamu dazai x reader.

cw: yandere, romanticization of suicide and death, nihilism, depersonalization, implied death, themes of regret and grief.

wc: 1985.

disclaimer: the following content does not depict a healthy relationship, please read the warnings carefully. by click the read more button, you are giving your consent to read this content.

“isn’t it lovely, all alone?” 

i.

he dreams of death.

the stench of iron and the sight of bones is nothing new, but he dreams of death like one would dream of the future. he supposes he is nobody, because no one ever dreams of their own passing (not willingly). people are pushed to that point, betrayed and hurt and put through enough suffering that life no longer seems worth living. whether life is or isn’t worth the effort lays with them, dazai reckons, but the urge to reason death from life has never crossed his mind. to him, to live is to suffer — that is, suffering is inevitable. within the same vein, it must mean that to live is to make the best of that suffering, but what is life if you’d never asked to be born?

the question is foreign and familiar all the same — bittersweet on his tongue, a plague on his mind. his life has always been filled with nothing. the smile of loving parents was a sight he’s unfamiliar with. in comparison to the misfortunes of many others, his parents were saints; and, in comparison to the fortunes of others, they were demons. and yet, that laid the problem. they have a role in this world, a calling, a purpose. but dazai… he is nothing. nothing but a black stain on this white earth. from the day he took his first breath, death has been both friend and foe, a tease and a reprieve for a boy who’d never wished to breathe life.

but, where death comes easy to others, it is nothing short of a luxury for him. it does not welcome him with open arms, nor does it even look his way. suicide after suicide attempt and yet he is still alive. and he has to wonder, is life a gift — as everyone claims it is — or a curse? and why? why was he gifted, why was he cursed? the distinction makes no difference to him, but why must it be him? was he brought into this world for a purpose? for some sort of greater good, or evil? or do the gods simply enjoy the frailty of human life and the suffering it comes with?

of all the people in this wretched world, why is he alive?

ii.

from his first breath, he begun to blacken. his heart is not his own, has never been his own (it beats for someone who is, and never will be, him.) his body holds nothing but muscle and blood and sinew, a vessel he’s been forced into without second thought. he’s never thought of it as anything more. not a temple nor a burden, just… some thing. something that is not his. something that isn’t meant to be his, as if he’s an outsider looking in through the hollows of his eyes.

humanity was always something unbeknownst to him, something he could never quite get a grasp of. the thoughts of others could never quite fit into the process of his mind, its recesses far too unaccustomed to how others should or shouldn’t feel. their expressions are unreadable at all times, a fault that has led to bullying and alienation. he never shed a tear; loneliness is to be expected when you have nowhere to fit in. he is pure black. he may as well be invisible to the human eye, no different than an ant that passersby would carelessly step on without thought. he is no different from anyone else, because he is worse.

had he sold his happiness to the devil in a past life? is life his punishment, or is this how dull it’s meant to be?

cynical — a word used to describe him all too often, but it’s never been dear to dazai’s heart. words, in fact, have never been able to describe him, not in a way he ever found fitting. what does it mean to be cynical? what does it mean to be human? what does it mean to be alive, to have a beating heart, to have feelings? twenty-one years on this earth and he’s never once found an answer.

life, it seems, is something not meant for the likes of him.

and yet, suicide never got him anywhere. whether it be the fault of dumb luck or his own ineptitude, dazai could never die. it’s laughable, how even though his heart beats without his own will, he cannot make it stop. as if some cruel god reveled in how much torture it is for him to live a life he did not ask for. every noose left him choking for air but never took his life. every gun shot blanked or missed his brain entirely. every stab and cut never hit his arteries, never allowed him the luxury of bleeding out. like water in a vase, waiting until the surface tension is broken by a slight drop and starts to overflow — dazai spent his days in hopes of when his own heart would overflow and spill.

life was given to him, and life will not be taken by his own hands.

iii.

he dreams of death so often, his only nightmare is awaking the next day.

he will only ever just be… him. forever living, forever beating and breathing — the thought of experiencing life like others do is something out of a children’s book, to him. to strive for goals, to be torn apart by failures, to get up after being knocked down again and again. he understands it in theory, the process of living, but to put any further meaning on his or anyone else’s existence seems beyond the furthest reaches of his mind.

nothing makes sense.

“i never understood the fuss over weddings, going so far as to plan one’s entire life around it.” he says one day, eyes locked on the black coffee in his hands. darkness always did make him feel at home. “funerals are much more exciting. i’ve planned mine already.” a smile twitches onto his face, one of genuine happiness and excitement. death is like a dear friend, one he feuds with often, and yet one he adores all the same.

but those aren’t words most would say. weddings are a day of joy, but to him, they can only bring grief, one unlike the kind funerals bring to others. the happiest day of his life will be the day he dies, and yet…

he finds himself wanting to marry you.

you, as beautiful as ever, crack a knowing smile and play his words off, shooing them from the air like a pesky insect. the coffee in your hands is almost pure white by this point; drowned in creams and syrups and sugars. he wonders if it’s a reflection of your heart or your soul. “but osamu, i’ve already planned our wedding. you wouldn’t die before we got married, would you?”

he smiles. it’s a reflection of your soul.

he wouldn’t dream of it.

iv.

there’s a reason for everything, or so he’s heard. a mantra mostly uttered by religious heretics, and yet the sentiment was enough to get him thinking; is there a reason he cannot die? is there a reason he’s doomed to live, until whatever entity that tortures him grows bored of his plights? is there a reason he’s alive?

you’re nothing new, nothing he hasn’t seen time and time again. but, he knew: you are his reason. he is a person that someone like you should never get close to. the sentiment is ingrained in his very being, to stay away from you. he knows already: that he will only taint you, corrupt you, drag you down to rock bottom with him. and, if there is a place lower than here, it would surely be hell.

you deserve better than that. you deserve better than him.

“if i were to ever unforgivably hurt you, promise me this.” his heart tugs uselessly, his mind already made up. “if i ever hurt you very, very deeply, please kill me at once.”

he places your hands at his neck and presses. your fingers don’t curl around the flesh like he wants them to, and he knows then that he will never deserve you. you are too good for him, too good to him; your heart is too white and his blackness will only taint it. but darkness cannot be without light. just as the pitch black can overtake the white, the white can overtake the pitch black. life is not solely black and white, he’s come to learn. to be born and to live is to tread through life in a series of greys. there is no good nor evil, only humanity. but, if he were to describe himself, he would surely be black.

“you’ll promise me this, right?”

you hesitate to answer. he caresses you gently, like his mother used to do for him. a means to quell and comfort others, he’s learned, and yet his heart still feels nothing but blackness. he’s never understood why you feel so hurt when he speaks of death so casually — his death is his and his alone, after all. no one would be affected, not for long. memories fade and hearts heal; he is but a stain on life, and no one would miss him.

“right, belladonna?” he prompts. “please say yes. to die by your hands would be my greatest joy. even more so if you were to join me in death, but i could never ask that of you…” he laughs at his desperation, knowing you’d never agree to a premature death like he. you have so much to live for, and he…

he was born to die.

“i promise, osamu.”

v.

you haunt him like a ghost.

he still dreams of death, because a world without you is one he no longer wants to live in. but you would want that for him. you know of his infatuation with the throes of death and yet you want the very thing he detests; for him to live. funny thing, life is. like an idiot ghost, he’d lived wandering through life without any direction. without purpose, dreams and ambitions never held any real meaning to him, not like they seemed to do for other people. the only thing that came close was… you.

he wants to hide like the coward he is. run away, start over again. forget this ever happened, forget he ever met you.

forget he ever tasted love.

it occurs to him that this must be that feeling of ‘regret’ he so often hears. and he’s reminded of odasaku, the only living being that had come close to eliciting some semblance of genuine emotion from dazai. the closest thing he could call to a true friend, dead. and, the closest thing he could call to a lover, gone. life isn’t meant for cowards like him.

but he lives. death has cursed him with the act of living; perhaps that’s a fate worse than death. he has spent all his life resisting the desire to end it, and he regrets never once succeeding. because now he has to live; to live with his own regrets and failures, all the things he said and didn’t say, all the things he did and shouldn’t have done.

he didn’t get to say ‘i love you’.

your tombstone is pristine and he wonders if death is just the same; clean. free of sin, free of burden. what a beautiful thought, one he’s begun to believe doesn’t truly exist. beauty is wasted on him and even death does not hear his pleas. because to seek beauty is human. to be played and toyed with is human.

and to break and destroy, is also human.

death is preferable to losing you. it laughed in his face when it came to claim you, took you away from him forever. to someplace far, far away — to someplace he can never belong.

he misses you. he wonders if you miss him too.

© dear-yandere, all rights reserved.

[yestrday]

❥ yandere! osamu dazai + nakahara chuuya punishment hcs

| anon says:  Hello, Hello.. headcanons for how you think dazai and chuuya would punish their darling, please. This can go from little things like ignoring them to trying to escape. Thank you.

( aphrodisiacs, abusive relationship, non-con )

| Osamu Dazai

dazai is a sadistic man who takes pleasure in the pain and torture of his dearly beloved darling.

pain is what bonds both of you together, after all! and after all those shenanigans you’ve pulled to get out of his tight hold, dazai thinks that you should really start making it up to him.

but you know... making you bleed on the spot is too boring. he’s had his fill of it back in the good ol’ mafia days.

instead, why don’t you two spruce it up a bit? dazai’s punishment style is ever-changing, never the same, looking for new ways to please and satiate his hunger.

dazai is always looking for fun, and he thinks seeing every new reaction you give is very amusing indeed.

“what’s wrong, dear?” he croons, tilting up your face to take a good look at the debauchery he’s done to you.

you’re drooling, absolutely vile, and he would have looked at you in disgust if you were any other person. but instead, dazai looks at you very fondly, appreciating the work of art he’s done. you’re struggling to think straight, but the aphrodisiac has done it’s damage and it’s degraded you into a foggy, unthinking mess.

he hums at your lack of noise, save for the ragged breathing and the whining you’ve been doing under your breath. you’re still coherent, because if you weren’t you’d be laying on the ground all submissive and pliant. but he still catches a glare in your eye and senses some fight left in you.

that won’t do at all.

he unscrews another vial, inhaling its sweet scent. what a sweet steal from the black market, this aphrodisiac. he turns to you and grins, his sadistic expression looming over you.

“drink some more, darling. let me see what else your pretty face can do.”

| Chuuya Nakahara

chuuya, blessedly, has more human in him than his double black partner

but that doesn’t mean he has less restraint. while dazai views your rebellious behavior as a way to have more fun with you, chuuya is legitimately heartbroken.

he’s been doing his best to treat you properly and you reward him with this kind of behavior?

he doesn’t hold back with the punches, doesn’t ever try to lower his screaming. he’s mad and he’s taking it all out on you.

he’s not blaming it on you, but even you feel guilty for doing this to him.

the screaming isn’t stopping, your ribs feel on the verge of cracking, and the way chuuya grips your hand is turning your fingers blue.

and even though it should be the other way around, you feel like a monster. like you’re the evil one in this relationship. chuuya’s worked so hard to make you feel safe, no matter how much you cried and screamed how much you hated him to his face.

but his grip was always too tight, and he was always so possessive. it made you feel suffocated. it made you want to get away, and you almost did. but the mafia’s eyes are everywhere and you should’ve known better than try run away.

“am i that bad, huh?” chuuya’s voice is cracking, both from exhaustion and the pain. if you look closely, those grey eyes of his seemed to be starting to water. “do you not love me at all?”

you close your eyes and don’t reply. you’d rather take this punishment than hurt his feelings again.

[bungou-stray-dingus]

Precious

Pairing : Ranpo x Fem!Reader

A/N : WE BACK AT IT WITH THE SUPER SAD SHIT AND BY WE I MEAN ME! ITS SAD TIME! BIG SAD TIME! Ranpo deserves betters, yes I know, but I just want to make him sad. I’m sorry <3 

T/W : Pregnancy ; Murder ; Torture ; Kidnapping ; Blood ; Gore ; Angst

Angstember Day 11

Every day with Ranpo was the highlight of your life. He was sweeter than the candy he snacked on, he treated you like an absolute queen, and every queen needed her king and he was just that. He would do anything for you, he protected you with everything he had, he absolutely adored you. You worked at the Agency alongside him, an ability user yourself. You were able basically predict the future, but only ten seconds ahead. Everyone called you the Agency Forecaster, as you were able to tell them what someones next move will be, you were an asset to the Agency. When you got pregnant, Ranpo had wanted you to lay off Agency work, deeming it too dangerous for you and the baby, but you loved your job, you loved helping the Agency, and that would be your downfall. 

     Six months into your pregnancy and you were still able to conceal it well enough that everyone at the Agency had no clue. Your clothing was a little baggier but not by much, nothing that was noticeable by the members, and you had went from wearing heels to flats. The baby bump wasn’t much, and although it worried you in the beginning, the doctors had said that everyone’s body was different, and yours just decided to not show as much, but the baby was healthy and okay, and that’s all that mattered to you and Ranpo. 

“I don’t know why you won’t tell anyone about him. Most people would be excited to announce their pregnancy.” Ranpo began the usual conversation that you always had over breakfast. He was always trying to talk you out of going into work, but you were persistent. 

“Of course I’m excited, but you and I both know that if I tell them, they’ll ask me to sit out on cases. I love my job, and... they need me.” You explained, watching his reaction to what you said. He couldn’t argue with what you said, he never could. He knew how much everyone there needed you, but it still worried him. He rolled his eyes and shook his head, defeated by your logic. You reached across the table and grabbed his hand, brushing your thumb across his knuckles. “You know very well that my ability isn’t combative. I won’t get hurt.” 

He nodded, but he still wasn’t comfortable, every second that you were in the office he was on edge. Every time you had to go out on a case, he was a nervous wreck. You always came back unscathed, unharmed, not a scratch on you. You were thoroughly protected at all times, you were just as important to the Agency as Yosano was. It wasn’t just you that he had to worry about now though, you had a child, his child. 

Work started just like any other day. Ranpo and you walked into the office, hand in hand, his other hand was carrying a box of sweets to get him through the day. “Ah, Y/L/N! You, Atsushi, and I have a mission to go on today!” Dazai called from the other side of the office, waving to you as if his voice hadn’t gotten your attention enough. Ranpo’s hand squeezed yours tightly, he obviously wasn’t ready for you to go out so early in the day. He hadn’t had enough time to prepare himself to deal with the anxiety it caused. 

“What kind of mission is it?” Ranpo asked, his hand no longer in yours, instead it was wrapped around your waist, pulling you to his desk so he could set down his sweets and sit comfortably with you next to him while he listened to Dazai explain the specifics. 

“Oh, it’s just some crap with the Mafia. They want to talk about something, they wanted me to bring Atsushi, so I’m sure it’s something about handing him over or there will be a fight. Y/N will be able to let us know if they’re planning on something. Don’t worry though, everything will be fine.” Dazai said it so nonchalant, but Ranpo was losing it over just the thought of you being near anyone from the Port Mafia. 

“I can do that. I’m sure everything will be fine.” You reassured Ranpo, turning to kiss his cheek. He had you sitting on his lap, and at this point, no one in the office was phased by you sitting there anymore. They would be more shocked if you weren’t sitting on his lap honestly. 

He wrapped his arms tighter around you, hiding his face in your back. He mumbled against the back of your shirt, the vibrations from his voice and the warmth of his breath seeping through the fabric of your shirt sent shivers up your spine. “I don’t like this, cinnamon bun. It’s not safe.” 

“We don’t have a lot of time. We have to get going.” Dazai said, noticing the way Ranpo held you tighter. “Y/N will be okay, Ranpo. Atsushi and I won’t let anything happen to her.” He walked over to pat Ranpo’s shoulder, you felt his breath hot against your skin again as he sighed, but his arms loosened from around you. 

“Be careful.” He murmured, casually rubbing his hand over your stomach. The baby kicked against his touch causing you to giggle slightly. You leaned over to kiss him quickly before getting up from his lap, walking with Dazai and Atsushi out the office door. 

The three of you got to the Mafia building, the boys both stared at you, their way of silently asking if anything was going to happen. You quickly shook your head no, giving them the nod that as of right now and ten seconds into the future, everything would be okay. 

Dazai led the way in and you followed close behind while Atsushi stayed behind you. You felt safe with the two of them, knowing Atsushi’s ability and Dazai’s natural charm and the way he was able to sweet talk, you were sure that you were safe and you would be able to go back to the office and be with Ranpo rather quickly. Nothing would go wrong, at least, that’s what you thought. 

The boys ran into the office, both their faces filled with worry and fear as their eyes scanned the office for Ranpo. He was already standing, staring at the door expectantly, waiting for you to walk in behind them. It took him a second to fully register the looks on their faces, that’s when his stomach sank and he had to fight the urge to puke right then and there. 

“I’m sorry Ranpo-san.” Atsushi muttered, bowing in Ranpo’s direction. What did he mean sorry? Had something already happened to you? Were you dead? You couldn’t be, he couldn’t lose you and his son. That couldn’t be the case. You were still alive, he could still feel it, like your hearts were beating as one, and yours was still hammering in your chest. He still had time. 

“You left her! Why would you leave her!?” Ranpo screamed, his voice reaching an octave unheard by anyone else in the room. They all turned to face him, his distress and obvious desperation all had them standing from their chairs. 

“Ranpo, calm down. She’s fine. She’ll be fine.” Yosano attempted to reassure him, but he only shook his head, walking past her to stand in front of Dazai. His height didn’t deter Ranpo, instead he craned his neck, his emerald eyes meeting Dazais brown irises. 

“You know I didn’t mean for anything to happen to her Ranpo. They took her while Atsushi and I were distracted. I didn’t think that it would turn to this.” Dazai pleaded with Ranpo, it was a first, his usual cocky attitude seemed to have disappeared under Ranpos glare. 

“I told you not to take her. It’s too dangerous, and like always, I was right. Now, take me to her.” Ranpo ordered, but everyone’s attention was diverted when Fukuzawa stepped out into the main office. 

“Everyone goes. We make sure to bring Y/N back safe.” His voice was powerful, almost hypnotic as he spoke. There would be no disapproval, no hesitation. 

“Thank you, sir.” Ranpo bowed to the President before turning back to Dazai. “Lets go.” 

                                                ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You sat on the concrete floor, your back against the concrete wall. The entire room was bare aside from the shackles and chains hanging from the walls, the same shackles and chains that they had used to bound you there. You hadn’t struggled, you knew it wasn’t safe for you to do so. The baby hadn’t stopped moving since you had been captured, but you tried your best to hide it and not react to his movements. 

“Your ability is far more useful than the were-tigers. They’re all foolish to not see that. I’ve only known of two other people with an ability like yours, they’re both dead, but not even they were able to see as far as you do.” Chuuya paced back and forth in front of you, his hands behind his back, he rarely ever looked at you, but when he did his eyes were like daggers. “Why waste such a useful ability on the Agency. You’d get paid well here.” 

“It’s not about money. I want to help people. I want to save people. I don’t belong here.” You tried to speak calmly, you didn’t want him to know you were scared, it would only give him more power. 

“That’s what I don’t understand about you and your people. You never actually save people. All the people you say you save, they’re already dead. Most of the time you can’t even bring those people justice without killing someone else in the process. The Agencies body count is higher than ours, but we’re the evil ones?” Chuuya knelt down in front of you, his face was smug, arrogant, his eyes squinted as he stared at you. “You’re no better than us, and we’re no more worse than you.” 

You heard the voice of another man calling from down the stairs, the sounds of explosions going off over top of you. “What’s happening?” You asked, trying to pull your hands out of the shackles. 

“Looks like the cavalry has arrived to try to save you. Don’t worry, they won’t get down here.” He patted your head before getting on his feet and walking towards the stairs. “Come down and watch her. If anyone gets through, you know what to do.” 

                                             ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The group powered through the guards at the doors, Ranpo was flanked on all sides by everyone trying to get him through. Dazai knew exactly where you would be at, he was in charge of leading the way. 

“I swear, Dazai, if she’s hurt...” Ranpo growled. No one had ever seen his so angry, so distraught. He rarely cried, and although he was doing his best to hide it at the moment, everyone could see how glossy his eyes were, he was holding it all in the best he could, but he was about to burst. 

“She’ll be alright, Ranpo. You have to trust us, we’re gonna get her back.” Yosano murmured, her voice soft as she spoke to him. She only ever used that tone with him, it was almost motherly the way she tried to console him. 

They moved deeper into the building, taking down everyone they came across. It was mainly guards at this point, everyone knew that they would be saving the worst for last. “Right over there! Come on!” Dazai called out, pointing to an elevator at the end of the hallway.

The group piled onto the elevator, Dazai pushed to button to take them down, knowing all too well where you were being kept. “This is too easy... They’re waiting for us, aren’t they?” Atsushi asked, but he knew the answer, just as everyone else did. They were all ready though, they would power through anyone to get to you. 

“You all showed up, now that really is something. How much is she worth to you?” Chuuya asked sarcastically. He was leaning against the wall next to the stairs that led down to you, his arms folded across his chest. Hearing him say that made Ranpo want to charge, but he knew he had to hold back, just long enough to get down those stairs. You would be there waiting for him, he would save you, he would bring you back home where you belonged. 

“The members of my Agency are priceless, not one is worth more than the other. We just want to bring her back safe. I’m sure you wouldn’t want any harm to come to the young woman.” Fukuzawa, always the peace keeper said, his voice calm as he eyed Chuuya. Everyone was on the ready though, ready to charge, ready to attack, ready to kill just to get to you. 

Chuuya chuckled, shaking his head. “I wouldn’t harm her, of course not. I’m not that kind of person. There is however, one person here who could care less.” He turned to look at Dazai, one eyebrow raised, his fingers tapping against his arm. “You know who I’m talking about, don’t you?” 

“Akutagawa...” Ranpo and Atsushi turned to Dazai as he said the name. Everyone knew who he was, and now they knew how much danger you were really in. “If anything happens to her-” 

“Yeah, yeah. Spare me the speech. I’m not here to stop you. I’m here to watch him tear you all to shreds.” He moved away from the stairs, extending his arm down the staircase to let everyone through. “Have fun.” 

Ranpo didn’t wait a second before pushing through everyone that had surrounded him, racing down the stairs. They all called after him, begging him to stop, but he didn’t listen, he didn’t want to stop. He wanted to pull you into his arms, he wanted to shield you, protect you with himself. 

The second his feet hit the landing at the bottom of the stairs, Akutagawa had the chains undone, cutting through them effortlessly with Rashamon. You screamed at the sharp dark black masses that entangled you, pulling you up off the floor and close to Akutagawa. Ranpo didn’t move any closer, watching as a blade of the mass trailed across your torso, he watched your body quiver with fear as your eyes locked. 

“A pitiful attempt of a rescue, honestly, I feel kind of bad. Of all the people to send down first, they send you?” Akutagawa almost growled with disgust, like he was disappointed in the lack of fighting that would ensue. “Although... I don’t feel quite that bad...” Akutagawa didn’t smile, there was no hint of malevolence, his face was as straight as ever as he plunged the blade of Rashamon through your chest. 

Your scream was cut off almost instantly, the only sound was the gurgling of blood building up in your lungs as you attempted to breathe. It wasn’t enough though, it was never enough. The blade dragged down, the sound of skin and muscles being torn through filled Ranpos ears, as if the volume was turned up to the highest level. He watched on in both shock and horror as you were practically gutted right in front of him. 

The blood pooled at his feet, there was so much, it splashed against the soles of his shoes as Akutagawa dropped your body to the ground. The other members of the Agency had been standing on the stairs behind Ranpo, they watched it happen just as he had. The anger that emanated from each and every one of them was palpable, it could have been cut with a knife, it was thick and it hung in the air like a storm cloud. 

Akutagawa coughed, staring up at Dazai on the stairs. “I’ve done good, wouldn’t you think? Spare no one, show no mercy, just like you.” He rolled your body over with his shoe, wrinkling his nose in disgust as he looked down at your body. “Two for one.” 

Ranpos eyes grazed over your abdomen that had been swollen with his growing son just this morning, now cut open, the torn muscles and tissues exposing your uterus that was also slashed open. He fell to the floor, his knees splashing the blood, droplets flying up and landing on his face, his shirt, his coat. He crawled over to where your body lay, he saw his son in your womb, small, not fully developed, but he had ten tiny fingers and ten tiny toes, his nose like a button, perfect and round, curled up in a ball with his thumb in his mouth. He finally screamed, screeched, slamming his palms down into the pool of blood that surrounded him and you. 

Akutagawa started walking away as Dazai, Kunikida, Tanizaki and Atsushi tried to pull Ranpo away from your body. He stopped on the stairs next to Fukuzawa, looking him in the eye as he spoke. “I’ll let Mori know to prepare for a fight.” He didn’t wait for Fukuzawa’s response before continuing up the stairs, a trail of bloody footsteps stained the floor where he walked. 

“No! No no no no no!” Ranpo fought everyone off, pushing them away as he held onto your carcass. “I can’t leave them. I can’t! I won’t! Let me go!” His screams sounded more like cries. They were choppy, choked off, high pitched, the cries of a broken man, a man who had lost everything in one fell swoop. He had nothing, he was nothing if not with you. Life had gone dark for him, there was no light at the end of the tunnel, only darkness, a darkness that suffocated and blinded him. He would never escape the darkness that was now his life, it would only continue to consume him until he was just an image, no longer the man he used to be. He would never go back to being that man, not without you, not when you were the one who made him the man that he was.