#but Darlene is just trying trying to make other things right and fix her relationship with Eliot 😭😭😭

[1derfulmadness]

Man Darlene sleeping with Dominique to get what she needs for the plan feels sooo much worse than when she slept with that random guy in season one. Like I know as fbi she’s the bad guy, but she’s so lonely and awkward I feel bad for her.

[xmxisxforxmaybe]

Decryption Error: “The Long Weekend, Part II”

Summary: Elliot and Y/N’s friendship continues to deepen as they spend time together. Even though the aftermath of what happened in the server room isn’t something either of them can forget as Tuesday morning draws closer, Y/N can’t help but wonder if being in a relationship with Elliot is what she really wants.

Summary/Mood Board,  “The Server Room, Part I”,  “The Server Room, Part II”  “The Long Weekend, Part I”

Word Count: 5900

Tags: @sherlollydramoine  @rami-malek-trash  @teamwolf2411  @limabein   @lovie-rami  @txmel  @hopplessdreamer  @ouatlovr  @backoftheroomandnotbelonging  @alottanothing  @moon-stars-soul  

If you want added, let me know.

Warnings: Short talk of depression, anxiety

As my body woke up, I stretched and sought the cool side of my pillow, pushing my tangled mess of hair up and off my neck. My mind followed, sloughing off sleep as I remembered Elliot was in my bed; a smile crept across my face as I wondered at the absurdity of it all, at the idea that something so good could come from something so bad.

Well, he was here,I thought as I rolled over and was met with nothing but a rumpled pillowcase that still smelled like him. I pulled the pillow to me, hugging it and breathing in his sweet scent.  

I glanced toward the bathroom, but the door hung open and there was no movement inside the dark room. Then, I heard the whistling of the teapot in the kitchen and smiled again as I realized Elliot felt comfortable enough in my apartment to use the kitchen.

As I listened, I heard more noise coming from the kitchen and although curiosity was pulling at me, I had no desire to actually get up.

I saw my phone on the nightstand on Elliot’s side and I reached for my it, pausing and instead grabbing the bottle of water that was sitting next to it.

God, I was thirsty.

Something thunked in the kitchen, and I paused, water sloshing against my lips. I swallowed and put the water back and reached for my phone.

Watcha doin, El?

His reply came quickly and did nothing to sate my curiosity.

Do NOT come out here.

And as an afterthought, he sent, Please.

I chuckled and shook my head, checking my email and my texts as I ignored the strange noises coming out of my kitchen. Most of the noises were definitely Elliot searching for things, and I wondered if he was trying to bring me tea in bed, which was so sweet I started grinning again.

My smile didn’t have a chance to falter before Elliot appeared in the doorway, clad in his jeans and his dark t-shirt from last night. I saw that his feet were bare, but hoodie-less and barefoot Elliot were not the strangest sights: Elliot stood in the doorway of my bedroom balancing a tray with what looked like two stacks of pancakes.

My grin had made him stop in his tracks and he glanced over his shoulder before asking what I was smiling at.

“You,” I said, drinking in the sweetness of this version of Elliot, unable to stop my mind from wondering if I’d ever see him like this again.

Elliot smiled a little as he approached the bed and set the tray down gently.

He had made pancakes, stacked about six deep on two plates and cooked to golden perfection. In between each layer he had placed sliced strawberries and bananas. On top, he carefully arranged some blueberries and some more strawberries, all left over from our indoor picnic.

Overwhelmed, my eyes filled with tears because I couldn’t remember the last time anyone had done something so sweet for me. I knew Elliot was watching me, so I bit the inside of my lip and willed myself to stop acting like an idiot over breakfast in bed.

“This is the nicest thing anyone has done for me in a long time,” I said, my eyes still on the tray.

“Try the tea. I’m not sure if I got it right,” he said, shifting his weight from foot to foot.

I sipped my tea and assured him it was perfect. Elliot seemed to relax a little, but he was waiting for me to try the pancakes.

I finally looked up and raised my brow before saying, “Come on—I’m not eating without you.”

Elliot climbed back into bed and settled with his back against the headboard. I picked up the tray and settled in next to him, balancing the tray on one of his thighs and one of mine.

I poked at the pieces of fruit on the top of the pancake stack and took a bite, relishing in the cool burst of sweetness that coated my tongue, soothing some more of my cottonmouth from last night’s smoking session. I picked at the fruit on Elliot’s stack and turned to him, pausing with my fork in front of his mouth.

He opened and I slid the fork between his lips.

Well, that was a bad idea,I thought as a shiver of lust worked its way through me.

I went back to concentrating on my own pancake prep, buttering and adding syrup to the top few pancakes.

I took a big bite and told him they were delicious. Elliot grinned at the praise and picked up his own fork. We were both famished and quickly finished off our breakfast. I held onto my tea and Elliot reached for his before I removed the tray from of our laps.

I shifted, drawing my legs up as I turned to face him.

“So you doknow your way around the kitchen,” I said, smiling softly.

“I used to make pancakes for my sister on Saturdays. We’d watch cartoons, real quietly so my mom wouldn’t wake up, and we’d make a game of it—of seeing how quiet we could be before we just couldn’t keep it in and laughed our heads off.”

“How far apart are you?”

“Four years,” Elliot said, his eyes fixed on the corner windows in my bedroom.

“What’s her name?”

“Darlene.”

“Pretty name,” I said before taking another drink of tea.

“She’d like you,” Elliot said, blinking and then turning to look at me. “You don’t let me get away with my ‘bullshit’ as she would put it.”

“Maybe I’ll get to meet her sometime. Ask her how she’s put up with you for all these years,” I said, smiling over my teacup.

“You really liked the pancakes?” Elliot asked, changing the subject, but advertently or inadvertently, I wasn’t sure because a shy smile formed on his face as he glanced at the empty tray.

“10/10. Highly recommend,” I said, pulling a real smile from Elliot as he looked at me.

I leaned forward and lightly pressed a kiss to the side of his mouth.

“Thank you for breakfast,” I said gently.

“You’re welcome.”

Our shy smiles slipped from our lips with the longer we looked at each other and it was becoming painfully obvious I was sitting in a bed, in mybed, with Elliot. I wanted to straddle his lap, kiss him, praise him, fuck him into a stupor until we both forgot why he was really here.

But I couldn’t.

I was his boss, and it was a distinct possibility I would end up with the directive to fire him for destroying those servers. I couldn’t risk causing that kind of complication for him or for myself.

I broke our eye contact by shaking my head and scooting to the bottom of the bed to get up. I reached for the tray, but Elliot pushed me away.

“I’ll clean up,” he said as he reached for my empty teacup.  

“Thank you, again,” I said as I walked into the bathroom and shut the door.

I leaned against the door, my head lulling back so my eyes could dance across the ceiling as my thoughts consumed me.

If things turned out for the worst on Tuesday, I still wanted Elliot to stay in my life, even if it was just as friends. I had worked so hard to break down some of his walls, to get us to a point where our working relationship was rock solid. This weekend, despite the horror of how he came to be here, we easily slid into a real friendship. I cared about him—really cared about him.

And he was learning about me; he asked me questions and he listened. He knew exactly how I took my tea for fuck’s sake—that’s like, a month’s deep worth of knowledge in the dating world.

And he cooked for me. Surely, for someone like Elliot, that was an intimate act.

The real question that needed answered was whether or not Elliot would fit into my life, or if he would even want to fit into my life.

I sighed and pushed up from the door. After Tuesday—I couldn’t answer any of these questions until after Tuesday. It would only be fair to give Elliot space to deal with the aftermath of the sever room.

I stood in front of the mirror, inventorying my appearance, cursing that I had a slight blush creeping from under the collar of my t-shirt.

I washed my face and brushed my teeth. I gathered my hair into a messy bun, not quite ready to shower yet because every Memorial Day weekend, there was a party on the rooftop of my building. The Tenants’ Association got caterers and bartenders to take care of the food and drinks and everyone gathered to watch the fireworks that were set off over the East River.

I usually attended, using it as a time to get to know my new neighbors and to catch up with the old. I wondered how I to broach the possibility of attending to Elliot. Would he flat out refuse, or would he shrug his shoulders with indifference?

I walked out to the kitchen as Elliot was loading the last of the dishes into the dishwasher.

“Does this look right?” he asked over his shoulder.

“Yup,” I said as I peeked in the dishwasher, noticing that it looked like Elliot had washed everything before he even put it in, at least a lot more thoroughly than I ever did.

I leaned behind him against the kitchen island and directed him on how to add in the dishwashing liquid. Once he did, I shut the door and turned the dishwasher on, then moved back to my spot against the island.

Elliot crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the sink.

“Is there anything you want to do today?” I asked.

Elliot shook his head, shrugging his shoulders a little.

“Welllll,” I began, crossing my own arms over my chest. “There’s a party on the roof tonight—fireworks at 10. Would you like to go with me?”

Elliot stayed very still, his eyes dancing over my face before he turned away and looked out of the window. He was silent for several long moments, but I was patient. I wanted him to think about it and to give me an honest answer.

“Is it just people who live here?”

“Yup—us singletons are encouraged to bring a guest, though.”

“Do you always go?”

“Just about always,” I said, nodding.

“Is it fancy?”

“Not at all. Super casual.”

“I didn’t really bring anything else to wear.”

“Jeans and a t-shirt are cool. Might be too hot for the hoodie, but whatever. You can wear whatever you want,” I said, trying to placate Elliot since he hadn’t outright rejected my invitation.

“Okay,” he said, his voice quiet. “But can I ask you to do something?”

“Anything.”

“Don’t—” Elliot broke off, shifting his stance and his eyes from the floor to my face and back again. “Don’t leave me alone.”

I smiled and said, “I can certainly honor that request. And if you don’t like it, off we’ll pop right back here.”

Elliot seemed less nervous, so I asked my next question.

“What time do you want to go up? We’ve got so much food to eat here, I don’t think we need to go at dinner time.”

“We definitely can’t let yesterday’s picnic go to waste.”

“No,” I said smiling. “How about we go up around 8? Enjoy some free booze—the bartenders are always really good—hey, do you drink?”

Elliot shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t notdrink.”

“That’s an excellent Elliot-ish answer,” I said as I pushed off from the counter.

* * * * *

Elliot and I spent most of the day relaxing, the TV talking quietly in the background while we worked on our laptops. I was again surprised at how natural it felt to be around him. This lazy Sunday was almost like our late nights at the office, each of us working on our own projects, stopping to chat when the mood struck, taking a break to snack on some leftovers when we got hungry.  

Around 6:45 I headed back to my room to get ready. I took my time in the shower, savoring the feel of the hot water as it sprayed over my body, easing some of the tension in my muscles.

I styled my hair, leaving it down, and applied my makeup, focusing on drawing attention to my eyes.

I stood in my closet and debated about what to wear. I wanted to look good, maybe put on something a little sexy to see if Elliot would notice, but I didn’t want to overdress after telling him it was a casual party.

I settled on a short pair of denim shorts and a light blue, loose fitting top that had a deep v-neck, showing off just enough cleavage to be sexy but not outrageous. I looked through my Nikes and settled on a pair of dark blue ones that had swirls of light blue that would match my top.

Giving myself a once-over in my full-length mirror, I decided that the look was good enough.

I slipped my cellphone into my back pocket along with my elevator key and my house key, forgoing a purse since I wasn’t going very far.

Elliot was sitting in what I now deemed as his spot on the couch, his face lit up by the light glow of his phone. I could see that his hands looked even better and he hadn’t put any new bandages on them; the same went for his head wound, which was almost barely noticeable except for the bruising.

At some point, Elliot had showered and changed, and his hair was neatly styled. He was wearing dark grey jeans and another black t-shirt—it could have even been the same t-shirt. I was beginning to gather that casual-Elliot’s wardrobe did not offer much variety.

He looked up when I walked over to him and his eyes immediately fixed on my chest and lingered there, his lips slightly parting.

“You ready?” I asked, smiling.

His eyes shot to my face and he seemed to drink in the rest of me in the same manner.

“Your hair looks pretty,” he said, turning his phone off and standing.

“So does yours,” I said.

“You’re supposed to say ‘thanks,’ not immediately deflect the focus from you.”

“Seriously, El. How many years have you spent in therapy? I need to be prepared for these nuggets of psychoanalysis you keep tossing at me.”

I turned around to give him a grin as I opened the front door but was surprised to see him looking at me like I had just divulged his biggest secret.

I raised my eyebrows and asked, “What?”

“Why do you think I’ve spent time in therapy?”

“It was a joke, I thought,” as I dropped my hand from the door and turned around to face him. “Have you been in therapy?”

Elliot slowly pushed his hands into his pockets and lowered his gaze to the floor. It was yet another time when I knew I needed to be patient, so I took a few steps toward him and shoved my door key back in my pocket.

“Yeah. I’ve gone.”

“Me, too.”

He looked up at me, his brows contracted with thought, worry, or confusion—at this moment, I just wasn’t sure.

“Ask, don’t hack,” I said, reminding Elliot of his promise to me.

He took another moment to look at me before finally asking, “Why did you go?”

“Depression. I suffered from it for a few years, starting when I was 18. I think the therapist helped more with my anxiety, though. The meds seemed to kick the depression to the curb.”

“What were you on?”

“Paxil. Lorazepam for the anxiety because it graduated to panic attacks as I got older. I still keep some of those little suckers on hand.”  

Elliot seemed very interested in my ability to casually discuss mental health. He kept looking at me to see if I was going to yell something like, Ha! Just kidding—depression and anxiety are for freaks, not normal people like me!

“So, table this discussion and party? Or cancel the party and talk about this?”

Elliot pulled a hand from his pocket and ran it through his hair, seriously considering his choices.

“Table it until after Tuesday?”

“Yeah—Tuesday’s looming over my head, too. Good news—that’s why god invented alcohol.”

“Do you believe in god?” Elliot asked.

I laughed and reached for the door again, this time pulling it open.

“Maybe I should put hacking me back on the table if these are the kinds of questions you want to ask on the way to a rooftop party,” I said, smiling.

“Sorry,” Elliot said, his eyes watching my hands as I locked the door.

We walked to the elevator and as we waited, I said, “I guess I like to think of myself as agnostic. I feel too arrogant saying no because human beings are so complex, and there’s just so much we don’t know. I can definitely say I do not believe in organized religion. That’s the work of men—and you and I know just how many bugs man has in system.”

Elliot’s face lit up and he began to talk, reflecting on the formation of religion and the problems in the world that are directly related to it. He talked the rest of the elevator ride up but immediately closed his mouth when the doors opened out onto the roof.

“Good move, El. I wouldn’t start with religion either,” I said reaching over to take his hand.

He froze but I didn’t relinquish my grasp; instead, I wiggled my fingers around to link his hand with mine.

“I made you a promise—I’m not gonna leave your side.”

Elliot looked down at our linked hands, then looked up at me and smiled. It was so pure and so genuine I thought that this really could work, that he and I could be happy together.  

“Y/N! Hi—It’s been so long since I’ve seen you!”

And so it went as Elliot and I made our way around the rooftop, trying different mixed drinks out at the bar stations before someone else pulled us in for a chat. I did most of the talking, of course, but Elliot quietly answered any questions directed his way.

When it was time to gather on the side of the roof for the best view of the fireworks, Elliot and I were both feeling just about right, not drunk but not sober, so I stood in front of him and leaned back. He slid his arms around my waist and pulled me in tighter. I looked up, angling my head so I could see his large eyes reflecting the lights of the fireworks as they started to pop off.

“You’re supposed to be watching the fireworks, not me,” Elliot said, his lips next to my ear.

“Kiss me,” I breathed, causing Elliot to stiffen, his lips parting in surprise.

“You said—”

“I know what I said, but I don’t care right now,” I breathed into his ear after I turned around in his arms. “After tomorrow, everything will change and I don’t know howit’s going to change. What if you never speak to me again and this is it—our last unaffected moment?”

Elliot glanced around at the people beside us and behind us, their eyes trained on the sky. He grabbed my hand and pulled me through the small crowd. He made his way to the abandoned side of the roof and pulled me toward one of the firepit tables. The nook was surrounded by blossoming trees twinkling with white lights that dripped from their branches. The fireworks continued to sound and to emit flashes of harsh light that disrupted the warm glow of the firepit.

Elliot stopped, a bit abruptly and turned to face me, his hands on my upper arms.

“Even if I get fired tomorrow, I will never forget what you did for me. You have to know, Y/N, you are the best thing about that job. You were right—that first night we talked. I could get hired anywhere—do anything in this industry, but it’s you that makes me want to stay. You . . . care,” Elliot finished, a question in his voice as he warred with believing I truly did care.

“Kiss me, El.”

Elliot looked at me, his eyes memorizing my face. His tongue darted out before he leaned in, his eyes sliding shut.

When our lips met, I melted into him, my arms wrapping around his neck as his hands found my waist and his fingers dug into my lower back. The kiss was slow, almost lazy as if time were listening, encouraging us to take this moment and cement every sensation to our memories.

I could hear the popping of fireworks and the chatter of the other party guests, but it was so distant as Elliot deepened the kiss, his tongue sliding across my lower lip, pulling a sigh from my mouth as my lips opened and I slipped my tongue out to touch his. He was much more bold than I expected, turning his head and entering my mouth, controlling the kiss.

But when I shifted, closing out the kiss and nipping at his lips, he was pliant as he gave over to my explorations of his mouth. I tasted the sweetness of our mixers and the bitterness of our alcohol as my tongue explored, slipping over and around his, reaching up to lick at the roof his mouth before I caught his upper lip between my own.

When we pulled back, Elliot rested his forehead against mine, his mouth still parted as his breathing evened out. I couldn’t tell you how long we stood like that, listening as the fireworks popped off in quick succession, the finale in full swing.

“Thanks for not fighting me on that one,” I said as I pressed a sweet, close-mouthed kiss to his lips.

* * * * *

Elliot was already in the shower in the guest room by the time my alarm went off, the noise barely jarring me since I spent most of my night restlessly tossing. Neither of us said much of anything other than a quick good night as he went into the guest room and I walked further down the hall to my own room.

I had trouble falling asleep, missing the feel of his body against mine, but I knew if I went into that bedroom, or if he came into mine, neither of us would be able to stop the inevitable shift of our relationship and I knew that neither of us was ready for it.

I didn’t want Elliot to be a fling, but I wasn’t sure how much he wanted from me. I needed to know that before anything more could happen between us.

I shuffled into my bathroom and sleepily brushed my teeth. I washed my face, then reapplied some light makeup. I braided my hair and figured it looked good enough for the task at hand today.

I went to my closet and pulled on a pair of leggings, a plaid, oversized tunic, and I layered it with a jean jacket. I pulled on a pair of white sneakers, adjusting the laces.

I went out to the living room and packed up my work bag, making sure to grab my laptop’s charger. I sent a quick text to Franco to make sure everything was still going according to plan.

Elliot walked out and gathered the rest of his stuff, his body language closed off, tense.

“Got everything?” I asked quietly.

Elliot nodded. He hadn’t yet pulled his hood up, but I was waiting for it. His eyes were bloodshot, and I could tell he hadn’t slept well, if at all.

He situated his backpack, and I pulled my tote onto my shoulder. I opened the door and Elliot followed, much in the same pattern as last night.

We took the elevator down to my SUV and made our way pretty quickly to the office. When we arrived, Franco was already there, his white box truck pulled into the pick-up/drop-off zone.

As Elliot and I pulled in behind the truck, Franco hopped out.

“Hey, Franc,” I said, my voice muffled as he pulled me into a fierce hug.

“You ready to get this party started?” he said, grinning at me despite the too-early hour of the morning.

“Morning people are the worst,” I mumbled before introducing Franco and Elliot.

Franco gave Elliot a wave as he sized him up and Elliot gave Franco his signature stare from under the protection of his hoodie.

“Not a morning person, either,” Franco said, raising his eyebrow.

“Elliot isn’t a small-talk person,” I said as I stood beside the backdoor of the truck, waiting for Franco to slide it open.

Franco did and then bounded in as he explained what he was able to get us. I looked at Elliot and he nodded his head.

Franco and Elliot each used one of the dollies in the truck to take up a boxed server, following me as I retraced my path from Friday night. It was the quickest route to the server room, and since the building was closed for the holiday, it was the easiest way to go.

While the boys went down to bring up the other two servers, I began to clean up Elliot’s mess, boxing up broken pieces and wiggling the servers out from their location, seeing if anything else would fall off of them. I was sweeping up some glass and other smashed bits when Elliot and Franco returned.

Franco let out a low whistle and said, “What the fuck happened, Y/N?”

“It’s a long story,” I said, looking at him square in the eye and silently begging that he wouldn’t push for a better response.

Franco glanced from my face to Elliot, who had his eyes firmly planted on the floor and his head tucked far back into his hoodie.

“So, you want me to take the broken ones, right?”

“Yup—and I trust you to degauss the hard drives; we don’t have that kind of equipment here.”

Elliot stepped toward us, his eyes peeking at me from inside the hoodie. He opened his mouth, but then shut it as he looked over at Franco.

“I trust him, Elliot. He knows what he’s doing.”

Elliot sighed and Franco, god love him, pretended nothing had just happened.

“Let’s get these on to the truck,” Franco said, looking at Elliot as he moved his dolly to the first ruined tower.

Elliot and Franco slowly transported the broken servers out as I began the arduous process of setting up each new tower.

I was working on unboxing the second server when Elliot and Franco returned.

“Can I help?” Franco asked.

“Oh, god. You’ve done enough,” I said, kicking the box across the floor and toward the other discarded box. “Elliot and I can take it from here.”

Elliot was already picking up where I left off and Franco was looking at me in the same way Jill had on Friday night when we were alone in the hall. I frowned and told Elliot I was going to walk Franco out.

“The door,” Elliot said, his eyes widening.

I nodded and punched in the code to release the magnet that would hold the door propped open. It would automatically retract after a half an hour to make sure the server room stayed at the optimal temperature, but walking out with Franco wouldn’t take much time.

Once CIStech’s door shut, Franco stopped me and grabbed both of my upper arms.

“What the fuck, Y/N?”

“That’s exactly what Jill said.”

“Rightly so! The dude you are currently working alone with blacked out and smashed up a server room,” Franco said as he released me and turned toward the elevator.

“Is that what he told you?”

“Eventually, yeah. I just kept making comments. I actually wondered if maybe he was mute.”

“Elliot has a lot of anxiety when it comes to strangers. It takes him a long time to warm up to someone.”

“Is that what this is? He warmed up to you by smashing the server room to shit?”

“Did he tell you he panicked because his teammates locked him in so they wouldn’t miss out on partying it up over the long weekend?”

“What?” Franco asked as the elevator settled on the lobby floor.

“Elliot was hacking the new security protocol and he kept finding holes. His teammates were pissed and locked him in the server room, presumably as a joke, but I don’t think they intended to let him out at all, Franco. If he hadn’t destroyed—”

“He could have unplugged them. You knowthat.”

“He could have, yes, but he freaked out.”

Franco shook his head as you walked him out through the front doors.

“I’m worried about you.”

“Don’t be—Elliot is a good guy. I said the same thing to Jill. What would you have done if you already had trust issues, finally started trusting your fucking colleagues, and they locked you up for nothing other than hedonism?”

“I’d have fucking beat every one of their asses as soon as I got out.”

I laughed and leaned my head on Franco’s shoulder.

“See? Not so different from Elliot’s reaction.”

“You like him,” Franco stated, ensuring there was no inflection in his voice, no chance of my mistaking it as a question.

“I do.”

“You’re his boss.”

“I am.”

“Do not fuck around with this guy, Y/N. Keep your head on straight.”

“I won’t. And I promise you he is one of the good ones. He’s just got some . . . issues.”

“You can’t fix every lost soul who clings to you. Me? I was already on the right path, but this Elliot guy—I’m not so sure anyone can fix him.”

“You’ve only known him for like an hour.”

“I know you, though. And I know you see the best in people despite your cynicism. You tend to overcompensate—some people aren’t worth saving.”

I looked up at Franco, and I summoned all of my resolve.

“Elliot is worth it. He’s special.”

Franco’s dark eyes raked over my face and once he saw the truth behind my words, he relaxed.

“Maybe we can hang out soon?”

“Not maybe—definitely. Text me a time and a place, and I promise I’ll just say yes.”

“Alright,” Franco said with a grin. “I will hold you to that.”

I hugged Franco goodbye, wished him a good rest of the day, and reminded him to send a bill to CIStech.

When I returned to the server room, the door was still propped open, but I deactivated the magnet and watched as the door swung shut again, holding my badge up so Elliot knew we had a way out.

“Is your friend gone?” Elliot asked as he plugged in cables.

“Yes. Franco’s gone.”

“I told him what happened.”

“You told him halfof what happened which resulted in him worrying about me.”

Elliot glanced over at me, his head sticking out from under his hoodie a little more as he worked.

“Looks like he got us servers with a basic OS already installed so that will save some time,” Elliot said as he pulled up the configuration for the first new server. “Do you want to start patching the OS while I set up the next tower?”

“Sure,” I said, moving my laptop from its spot on the floor.

Elliot and I spent the rest of the day cleaning up the server room and making it look like nothing had happened. Normally, the machines should run for a day to bed in, but we didn’t have that kind of time. Elliot ran check after check and when he finally approved, he passed the laptop to me to set up DNS, WINS, file shares, users and all the applications the servers would need to run normally on Tuesday.

When we locked up the office and walked back to my car, the sun was setting, bathing the city in an eerie pink light.

I typed Elliot’s address into the navigation again and we drove in silence to his apartment. I pulled over to the curb to let him out.

“Well, El. You’re finally free from me,” I said, making an attempt at a joke to ease both of our nerves.

Elliot sighed, his hand poised on the door.

“I meant what I said last night—I don’t care what happens tomorrow. Don’t—don’t put your reputation on the line for me.”

I grabbed Elliot’s arm before he could open the door and bolt.

“Everyone deserves justice. Especially you. I just wish you’d believe that.”

Elliot looked at me, his eyes flickering between mine.

“It’s enough that you believe it, Y/N,” Elliot said before he leaned over and pressed his lips to mine, a soft, closed-mouth kiss of appreciation.

“Goodnight, Elliot,” I said softly.

“Goodnight, Y/N,” he returned, pulling his hood up as he exited my car and sliding into his backpack.

I watched him walk up the stairs to his apartment, and I found myself filling with a sadness caused by the loss of Elliot’s presence.

As I drove home, sitting in the increasing traffic as people returned to the city, the long weekend over and reality looming over all of us, I thought about everything I needed to do tomorrow.

Julia and Aaron would be first; if I broke them, it would only be a matter of time before I got the other three to turn on each other. Given that I knew Julia and Aaron were already worried, a call into the Senior Manager’s office first thing in the morning would cement their fears.

Fear was a powerful weapon.

When I got home, my apartment felt smaller and far too quiet. The presence of Elliot lingered and I longed for him, to touch him, to look at him, to listen to him. I wanted nothing more than to live in the world of suspended reality we had created over the weekend.

I shucked off my clothes and threw them in the hamper when I got in the closet. I went to my drawer and pulled out an old t-shirt, not even bothering with any sleep shorts.

I was tired, but unsure if my brain would shut the fuck up enough to let me sleep. I slipped into bed and caught that familiar citrusy scent of Elliot. I smiled into the pillow he had slept on and I hugged it tight to my chest. I couldn’t believe that yesterday we had been eating pancakes in bed, and now, Elliot was a million miles away from me.

I looked over the foot of the bed and watched the skyline of the city, letting my mind wonder. Despite how often negative thoughts plagued me, I couldn’t tamp out the warmth threatening to spread through me every time I thought of the possibility of a future with Elliot.  

[kinetic-elaboration]

June 8: Mr. Robot 4x13

Have finished my rewatch of Mr. Robot. I’m very tired so a few stray observations off the top of my head.

The pacing of this ep was not what I remembered at all lol. The dream-state starts disintegrating way earlier than I thought, and the ending with Darlene is also way longer.

The reveal of the last big twist was really masterful. How it’s obvious this was always the plan, it’s not just a shock last minute choice. How all the clips in the Krista scene are so carefully chosen and so perfectly show you the whole narrative again but give it a whole new meaning. The twist should make everything make MORE sense. That’s good story telling.

I especially liked that bit where we learned he had entered the mind-universe in S1 by accident, and so parts of that weird, trippy sequence from very early on suddenly made sense. Angela in the wedding dress. You’re not Elliot.

My theories/memory were not completely right but, eh, I’m okay with that. I do like that the Hacker/Mastermind devised the recursive loop fantasy for real Elliot. Makes him... seem completely different. And yet it’s not jarring, it’s not... it doesn’t feel like you’ve been lied to as an audience member. And between the first reference to Elliot-as-alter and when he wakes up in the hospital bed, it’s like a completely normal reality of the show even though literally 4 previous seasons have led us to assume he is the OG.

It’s interesting that he was the last and latest personality, and so new. I forgot that. I’d also forgotten that Darlene knew the whole time.

Elliot and Darlene really are the most important relationship... I don’t even have anything to say about them except that I love them so much and nothing else matters.

A few light criticisms: I don’t understand, even with Krista’s explanation, what the mom and kid personalities do, or even how they function as personalities, when they never control the body. The mom I sorta almost get if I squint but the kid I don’t get at all. These still seem like hallucinations to me.

Similarly, I think the audience as “Friend” has good aspects but in other ways doesn’t make sense. The bit where Krista is like “they think they’re not part of it but they see everything” felt a bit forced. Also, the “Friend” has no control and no real apparent purpose. BUT I do like that, as personalities, we have to give up control too and leave the narrative (and real Elliot just as he wakes) and I liked that when the other personalities hibernate, they are voyeurs too, just watching Elliot’s life on the screen.

The explosion-but-no-meltdown thing was weird and felt a bit like some convenient narrative hand waving. Also I still kinda...wish I knew more about whiterose’s machine, even though ‘just a crackpot idea that does nothing’ is all you really need to know.

I maintain that 5/9 was really about Angela. I think the Hacker/mastermind personality exists, as Krista says, as the Savior: he makes things better. He makes the world safer for Elliot. His initial mission is targeting child molesters and child pornographers, which makes sense. Once he’s taken control of the body and gets a lot of time in the real world, he expands this to trying to make things better for everyone--hacking Krista’s boyfriend, protecting Shayla from Vera--he obviously has a desire to save the women in his life--and this also makes sense to me. He has one mission, one raison d’etre, literally, and he just fulfills it whenever and however he can. But his biggest  mission is fixing income inequality? And he does it specifically by targeting debt? There’s never any indication that Elliot is in debt. But we know Angela is, a lot of debt, and so is her father. I think the Hacker saw this situation and thought if he could wipe out debt, he’d make Angela’s life better, he’d make the whole world more fair, and he’d create the ‘perfect life’ that would finally give Elliot a safe and stable home. It’s a vast vision, but it seems incredibly tied to Angela.

I know I’ve written out this exact theory before but I’m just very proud of it. The last ep explained a lot, but it didn’t explain this, and yet I still feel it’s very true.

One thing I do wish was explained was why Mr. Robot recruited the Hacker into fsociety, when it seems like..this was his own idea? Did he maneuver this whole thing as part of forgetting he was a personality?

Also: Darlene said that when Elliot forgot who she was, she realized he was an alter. But she also said that he forgot AGAIN. When was the first time? Mr. Robot seems to know everything, from the abuse to the real window story to who Darlene is. Who had the body and forgot? The Hacker is a very new personality, but was she talking about him somehow?

I talked to mom a little about how I feel like the metaphor of ‘killing Elliot and taking over his life’ while playing out in the mind-loop prison specifically designed to house real Elliot is a little... good on the face of it, but nonsensical if looked at too closely. Because if he takes over Elliot’s life in the fantasy is he not trapping himself? My mom suggested that the answer was yes but at the same time NOT giving Elliot the body, leading to insanity or death. Which I suppose is true. But “I want the fantasy life” bleeds in fairly quickly, and always seemed to symbolize (see: the earthquakes) “I want the body.” It’s just a struggle we’re seeing play out in a mental space rather than a physical one. I guess it works?

Finally: was the machine real? I have been on the assumption this whole time it was not but like... maybe it was? Can we explain Angela’s death without it? (Maybe but not the way it was described in an interview I read, as necessary not narratively, as I see it--Angela’s story was done--but within the universe, because she had some special knowledge that whiterose would never let her keep.) Is there a difference between reality and delusion if both of the relevant actors (Angela and whiterose) share the delusion? What did whiterose show Angela that so convinced her the machine was real? And why did she say ‘this is what I showed Angela’ right before she killed herself? Could she have resurrected herself using the machine--one of the limited uses she mentions in the same scene--but in Elliot’s scene, she doesn’t get the chance?

Anyway I’m tired. Today was a very hard day and tomorrow’s gonna be just as hard or harder so... I gotta get some sleep.

Overall, very good show, very fun rewatch. But definitely warrants another!

[lenaglittleus]

How to Start Losing Weight: Advice from the Cast of Beachbody’s YOUv2

There’s nothing easy about weight loss. You can often feel like you’re trading the things you find pleasurable for things that you don’t enjoy (yet) that are far outside your comfort zone. Losing weight successfully — ideally shedding body fat while gaining lean muscle — requires some sacrifice and dedication, but it doesn’t mean you can’t have any fun. In fact, you should find ways to inject fun into the process of losing weight. It’ll help you stick with your newer healthier habits, and consistency is the key to realizing your weight-loss goals.

“Be mindful that you’re not going to change in one day. Be patient, and the most important thing is to try to be consistent,” advises Leandro Carvalho, Super Trainer and creator of Beachbody’s YOUv2 program, a four-week dance and sculpting routine that gives people a fun, positive, confidence-boosting place to begin their weight-loss journeys.

Here’s Leandro’s advice on how to start losing weight:

If you can’t do the 30-minute workouts all at once, do 10 minutes. Maybe next week you can do 15, then 20 minutes the week after.

Be patient. If you try to do too much, it can backfire and you might hurt yourself so start easy and take your time.

Start drinking more water.

Make better choices in your diet.

Stick with it. Be persistent and be committed so you can improve each time.

It might be easier said than done to just start, but it’s more about simplifying. Doing something is better than doing nothing. Pick one or two healthier new things to try, such as drinking a glass of water before each meal or adding one non-starchy vegetable to each meal, and practice those new things until they become second nature. Then pick another one or two healthier new things to try. Soon these little things will start to show big returns.

How the Cast of YOUv2 Started to Lose Weight

Bethany Xan Jeffery

After gaining close to 80 pounds in one year during college, Bethany knew she needed to make some changes. She tried sensible plans, such as Whole30, and achieved success while following these types of plans, but didn’t enjoy what she was doing and struggled to keep it up longer term.

“With YOUv2, Leandro gets me motivated the minute the routine starts,” says Bethany. “I really look forward to doing each routine, rather than dreading it like I do with other workouts. I’m positive that other people will feel the same.”

Bethany’s best advice for how to start losing weight: “Just make yourself start. I promise you’ll feel amazing afterwards!”

Carrie Packin

Carrie enjoyed being in shape for most of her life, but found it difficult to lose weight post-pregnancy. She needed something that wasn’t too time consuming or overly strenuous to help her slim down while balancing the demands of motherhood (and being sleep deprived).

“This program is a great way for mothers to let go and escape the challenges of the day,” says Carrie. “Leandro keeps you motivated and makes me feel like I can achieve anything I want while breaking a major sweat! YOUv2 is a great start for new mothers looking for a way to get back into shape while also being there for their new bundle of joy.”

Carrie’s best advice for how to start losing weight: “Thirty minutes of effort equals a whole day of happiness.”

Darlene Dues

Darlene has been overweight on and off since the fourth grade — more than 25 years. She tried nearly everything, from gym memberships to buying a treadmill (which quickly become an overpriced clothes rack) to diet pills, to lose weight. Nothing worked to keep her motivated and focused on her goals. She needed to find the right mix of people to inspire her to keep moving.

“I think YOUv2 will help you achieve your health and wellness goals because you’re not working out by yourself,” says Darlene. “Every day you get to work out with women who are there for the same reason you are: to become the healthiest version of themselves. Every time I watch the videos, I feel like I’m with my friends and we’re pushing each other toward our healthy goals.”

Darlene’s best advice for how to start losing weight: “You must not give up on yourself. Know your self-worth.”

Katie Sedlock

Katie has struggled with her weight her entire life. She remembers blowing out the candles of her birthday cakes over the years, wishing she would wake up the next day and be skinny. After trying group fitness classes, different gyms, and juice cleanses, Katie found that working out at home suited her busy schedule best.

“My schedule is always changing so it’s extremely hard to get into a healthy flow that works for me,” says Katie. “YOUv2 is extremely fun and accessible. It’s on your own time and schedule. You can laugh through the sweat and forget about your daily stress.”

Katie’s best advice for how to start losing weight: “Find something that’s fun so you don’t even realize how much you are actually working out.”

Micki Fernandez

A 50-and-fabulous-year old, Micki was able to maintain her weight, give or take five pounds, for most of her life until she broke her wrist, limiting the type of exercise she could perform, and suffered from a hormonal imbalance. Both of these things caused her to put on weight. Micki tried other workout programs, and found that putting too much weight on her wrist or lifting heavy weights caused pain.

“YOUv2 is going to help me achieve my health and wellness goals because it awoke my love and passion for dancing,” says Micki. “Not only is it helping me achieve my goals, but it also makes me feel like I’m 18 again!”

Micki’s best advice for how to start losing weight: “Make yourself a priority. Believe in yourself; you’ve got this!”

Nina Millan

Nina, who became a mom at the age of 16, believes that pregnancy changed the way her body reacted to food and exercise, and her weight has yo-yoed ever since. After getting into the best shape of her life for her wedding, she got pregnant again soon after and struggled to lose the post-baby weight.

Also a self-identified emotional eater, Nina turned to food for comfort when she lost loved ones or endured periods of stress. “My Beachbody progress over these last couple of years has completely changed my relationship with food,” she says. “I do not have the same emotional eating setbacks that I had.” She credits the Portion Fix Containers and Shakeology with helping her make food choices with confidence.

Nina’s best advice for how to start losing weight: “One of the downfalls many people face is, when they fall off [the health wagon], they take too much time to try something new. They feel like they won’t ever see the results they want. When they finally start, it’s often too challenging and they lose motivation to continue.”

Samantha Croce

Although very active as a child, Samantha says she was always heavier than the other kids. She lost some weight in high school with a low-carb diet, but couldn’t maintain the loss. By the time she graduated from college, she weighted 267 pounds and was miserable. She joined Weight Watchers and lost an incredible 100 pounds, but felt the plan got stale after a while and she wanted more.

“I think YOUv2 is great because it adds the exercise component that my body needs that other weight-loss programs did not have. And the meal plan is more of a lifestyle change than a strict, boring diet,” says Samantha. “Sometimes I lose steam with new programs because it’s too much of a challenge and a drastic change, but YOUv2 is gradual and focuses on what you’re capable of doing.”

Frequently Asked Questions About YOUv2

Will I have fun doing this program?

“YOUv2 allows you to let loose, have a great time, and let go. My favorite part is at the end of each workout when we put the moves together we learned during the workout into a dance routine. It is really a super fun time!” says Katie.

Is it challenging enough?

“YOUv2 kicked by butt — and I loved it,” says Bethany.

Do I have to give up a lot to follow this program? What if it’s too hard?

“It’s all about being and becoming your best you. It’s not about giant leaps, but the little steps you put into place to become a healthier version of yourself,” says Samantha. “Come as you are, and don’t change you… enhance you!”

But I don’t know how to dance; I’m really uncoordinated.

“Just keep dancing, girl! You’re amazing!” says Bethany.

“To all the uncoordinated people who think they can’t handle the moves: I’m here to tell you, you can! It’s OK if you get off beat from time to time as long as you keep moving,” says Darlene.

Working out intimidates me. What if I mess up or trip?

“Dance like nobody’s watching; it’s just you, Leandro, and his girls!” says Carrie.

What’s the most valuable thing you’ve learned from following YOUv2?

“YOUv2 has reminded me that I am a beautiful plus-sized girl. I am just as capable, talented, and worthy as anyone else,” says Bethany.

I don’t know if I’m too heavy to do a workout; will I be able to do the moves?

“YOUv2 is for people of all shapes and sizes — people who are overweight just like me,” says Darlene. “Together we are pushing toward a happier, healthier self.”

How do you stay motivated, especially if the scale isn’t showing progress?

“Remember, progress not perfection,” says Nina. “Just show up every day, and focus on that new lifestyle change. Forget the scale! Think of all of your big wins: more energy, looser clothes, and consistent habits.”

I feel like I’m not seeing results quickly enough.

“Don’t get frustrated if you are not there yet; every step in the right direction, no matter how small, is one step closer to the new version of you,” says Samantha.

I don’t have time to work out. I work, take care of a family, and have to keep the house together.

“Taking time to take care of me allows me to take the best care of others,” says Nina. “It’s OK to be a little selfish so I can be selfless.”

from News About Health https://www.beachbody.com/beachbodyblog/weight-loss/how-to-start-losing-weight-advice-from-the-cast-of-beachbodys-youv2