#but 99% of the time; you can tell the producers wanted people to swear because their audience loves it
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I still argue that bleeping someone like Gorden Ramsey is bullshit so that people who love and find swearing fun can pretend that they didn't just hear him call someone a fucking donkey, because there was a bleep... like they don't know the exact word he used, like they didn't think it, and like they didn't have fun with it
Cause I bet you... any amount of money you want honestly, that if you asked Gorden Ramsey not to swear he just wouldn't... I don't think they ever bleep anything in shows where he's helping kids cook
No, people find swearing fun, it's entertaining... they just don't want to admit they like it because it's naughty
And to be clear I'm directly pointing to this and pointing to 'unalive' and drawing a line between them for how we got here
#you either don't swear or you do; bleeping is only for when no one's supposed to swear but it came out by accident#but 99% of the time; you can tell the producers wanted people to swear because their audience loves it#and at best they didn't bother telling them to keep it polite; and at worst they encouraged it#you know; I once when I was like 12 went with my mom to see Chuck D give a talk about stuff#and at the end when he went up he was like 'oh I'm so sorry; I didn't know there was a kid in the audience or I wouldn't have cussed'#and we assured him it wasn't a problem (didn't explain I'd know all of it since I was little)#(and I think to an extent even then I had a mentality of that I'd rather hear it how he was gonna say it normally)#but... he very clearly could have and would have simply kept a check on himself like everyone is capable of#and he clearly would have been more than happy to#it wasn't an 18+ event; it just was on a college and he expected adults only and talks how he talks#you can have zero naughty words most of the time... all you have to do is ask#and you can avoid serious conversations... it's polite to let people not be forced to engage with topics they don't want most of the time#hell; that's the whole point of trigger warnings#...I don't know; I'm forever fuming about this whole fucking topic#it's like a huge portion of humanity is willingly and gladly throwing shackles on#it's on thing not to say fuck; I respect the hell out of that#it's one thing to mind your words and subject; go for it#and it's also one thing not to want to listen to people swear#you know... I often do tone down how I feel like talking cause... I get some people following me might not like it... and I actually care#...it's just also... in the end this is my spot I dump bullshit out of my skull in a verbal vomit#so you get it how you get it... but like I get not wanting to hear it#but don't you fucking tell me you hate swearing and them sit their laughing at a bleeped bit from a show where someone's cursing up a storm#no you like swearing but you're just being a shifty self righteous prick that's pretending you don't to feel smug#and don't talk about death if you don't want to#but don't say 'unalive'; not unless you're meaning the opposite of undead and coming up with something interesting#if you're saying 'unalive' you're just a spineless fucker who can't even manage saying you'll kill a zombie in minecraft#(or a fool who doesn't get what you're going along with)
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Do you have any advice on making time for writing and avoiding burnout? I'm impressed by the amount of projects you have and how they're consistently high quality.
oh love. sunshine. you tiny fresh vanilla seed (precious & delightful // it is a luxury to interact with you). so first i’m gonna apologize because there’s a 99% chance this is not the advice you’re looking for and SURPRISE i wrote another novel. (so also jot this down… my being prolific is helped by the fact that i literally cannot shut the fuck up to save my life). anyway here are my rules for writing
1. don’t look at the man behind the curtain (in this case that’s me). I had 70% of window and probably 90% of sweatshirt girl drafted before i even started revising && posting individual chapters/ installments. it gives the illusion of me cranking out a new chapter every week but i do NOT do that. i just try to revise once a week. maybe write a half+ chapter of something new. it’s not an illusion i create on purpose. i just know i need TIME to rest my brain before I come back and revise or it’ll start all looking the same to me. so i def frontload my writing before i start posting.
i also do this because i need at least the ghost of an ending to keep writing
i also never originally intended to post window or sweatshirt girl - i was originally just writing for me. so they were mostly done before i even decided to post
i ALSO work at a school and while i do have hours over the summer, i am doing much less (imo) important things when there aren’t students around, sooooo i end up daydreaming and drafting a lot
my writing is also powered by depression (“write the world as i want it to be”) and frankly i don’t recommend that to anyone ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
so if i look like i’m producing a lot it’s just because of the way this year has unfolded, and once we get through the next few chapters of window i’m sure I’ll hit a lull because I’m still struggling to write those chapters (sorry in advance folksss)
2. i swear to god creativity (like everything in nature) happens in cycles. blah blah no flower blooms all year && no tree bears fruit every season. fallowness is IMPORTANT for growing gardens. if you are in a slow space - let yourself be slow. sink into the quiet season. speed&&quantity are SO overrated and if you overcultivate your soil there will be no nutrients left for your crops. let the snows come in && blanket you on occasion. they are their own kind of blank page (i swear to fuck sometimes i sound like some kind of ai generating bad proverbs but you knew what you were getting when you came to my asks i guess! i am unashamed)
tbh i have a modest art side-hustle and am working on painting a project that WILL take YEARS - and this whole summer, i have neglected that project in lieu of being a rocket fangirl because frankly my brain needed a break. guess what? my followers understand and it has not been a problem. because any fellow creative should know that the process takes time and is always in flux
(3) a lot of people will tell you - write a little every day. write even if it’s bad. you can always come back with fresh eyes later. I support these ideas in theory. i keep my writing && my sketchbooks where i can access them almost anytime, and even if it’s only for ten minutes, i do write something most days. but more than this - listen to your body and your brain and your heart. and for fanfiction especially - ONLY write when it’s fun. if you start writing from obligation instead of love, you will burn out faster, create less, and even resent this thing that should be an escape for you. (and your readers will feel it, even if they don’t know why). (also your readers - if they are good people - will understand this && support you) (and if they’re not good people, they don’t deserve your heart like that). if your body says take time off then TAKE TIME OFF. don’t let capitalism brainwash you into believing all your joys must entail consistent labor, that every good thing comes with a side of drudgery, or that you can’t stop something once you start it. they don’t. it doesn’t. you can. let yourself have a scrap of unfettered && unpressured happiness in this place. you deserve it, i fuckin swear that to you on my goddamn life.
(4) maybe im inadvertently repeating myself but please. be kind to yourself. let your community be kind to you too. we are supposed to take care of each other. give yourself grace && know we are on your side
okay wow i’m so sorry. fuck me that’s not what you were asking for but it is the best && most earnest && most true advice i can give you. “carve some time out every day” is nice and aspirational and maybe give it a try, but life is hard and don’t blame yourself if you can’t. let fanfiction be a force for joy in your days/nights, not a chore. nope im just saying the same shit over and over LOOK. i love you. you are good. life is short. have fun. that’s truly all & the most important things I have inside me, and I’m sorry for my limitations. for whatever that is worth
♡♡♡
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egghog sonic's inner conflict after ending up the sole flesh and blood eggman lackey is REALLY interesting to me.
also some hedgehog sibling talk
he knows his father doesn't love him, he knows eggman sees him as a tool for conquering the world and beyond. but he "believes" that's the highest honor one can aspire to - serving the empire with his entire body, mind, and soul, producing results and slowly reshaping the world into perfection.
i put "believes" in "scare quotes" because sonic, deep in his heart, fears his father and his power. he knows (after seeing how eggman treats his brothers after they leave) that if he dares defect or even say no to any of his demands, there is a very real chance eggman will kill him. he has a visceral, mortal fear of disappointing his dad.
so when eggman tells sonic to do something or other knowing full well it will put his life on the line, he is terrified, but any other option (in his mind) is even worse. he'll throw himself as hard as he can into whatever he's told to, because his chances of dying are the same either way. at least he's contributing to the good of the empire, he thinks.
sonic doesn't consciously think about his fear much at all. he has it completely tuned out, he doesn't want to think about it so he doesn't. he could be told to do something that had a 99% chance of him ending up dead and he would delude himself into believing it was the correct and only choice with little effort.
he acts all cocky and independent, he runs like the wind, he will say and do anything he wants... but what he wants is what eggman wants. and his Steadfast Heart(tm) makes it pretty much impossible for him to change.
he earnestly believes he is making a better world. he "doesn't care" that he's a tool being used. but the ache still runs deep. he doesn't know what it is, what the ache is. he's never experienced whatever it is, so he doesn't have the capacity to miss it. until he does.
essentially: sonic robotnik would do anything for eggman. but he doesn't want to die. the gaping hole in his heart only gets bigger.
--
tangentially related but istg i keep talking about how ~suuuper important and tragic~ it is that he loses his brothers but i never talk about their sibling relationship IT ANNOYS ME TOO I SWEAR BUT IDK HOW TO FUCKING ARTICULATE IT
because its just. they will kill god to protect each other. they spend so much time around each other that their sentences sync up all the time without even trying. their fights sometimes go so nuclear that they seriously damage entire wings of eggman's lair. they bite and wrestle each other over the last corn dog. they have movie nights and play chess with their robot dads. they play splitscreen mario kart. they drive each other crazy and hit each other for no reason and when one of them starts wiggling the rest of them join in without saying a word. they're brothers.
considering the rest of their lives are full of blowing things up and elaborate high-stakes plans and training and training and training and sparring and training and killing people... their bonds are the only fleeting intangible wisps of normalcy they have.
bumping each others' elbows when eggman says "you have twenty four hours" and trying not to giggle is some of the only levity they get. they're constantly kept busy, they're constantly nursing bruises, they're trying to please a father who's never satisfied, and sometimes they all just need to sing along to halestorm's bad romance cover at full volume while pretending screwdrivers are microphones.
sonic is also unintentionally keeping them all working as a group. whenever silver brings up legitimate concerns, he knows exactly how to simultaneously comfort and dismiss him so he stops taking everything so seriously and stops thinking critically.
he brings some much needed levity to shadow's darkness (instead of silver taking him too seriously or fussing). sonic also sparks shadow's fierce competitive spirit, which keeps him focused on eggman-related tasks in a neverending fight for attention instead of his miscellaneous illegal and questionable hobbies. (not all of them are illegal or seriously questionable, but like half of them are. will elaborate someday)
silver and shadow are especially close. ok remind me to elaborate on that part because i had to move my laptop to charge it and that COMPLETELY fucked up my whole deal so now the words have left the building. im so fucking mad rn i was so ready to infodump about this i was SO ready. IM SO MAD. FUCK. I WANNA TALK ABOUT THIS SO BAD BUT MY BRAIN IS REFUSING TO GIVE ME WORDS OR THE SPECIFIC SCENARIOS I NEED TO TALK ABT ITS JUST GIVING ME THEM STANDING NEXT TO EACH OTHER RAAAHHHGFGGGHGHGGHHGHGGH
anyway hope this is legible and not nonsense. brubbers.
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DaveFarts - Episode 6 “Fart Bet, Easy Bucks” [Episode List] When, rather immaturely, Tim’s friends are doing some random, silly bets, things soon turn stinkier and gassier as Dave joins the game…
Fart Bet, Easy Bucks
The immature, roaring laughter of me and my friends echoed in the living-room as another pal of mine, Jim, took one last bite of an onion, his cheeks turning red, teary eyes, almost puking in front us. We clapped our hands like the drunk monkeys we were, ignoring our friend’s gagging sounds, and we all took another shot of vodka in his honor.
“Well done, Jim!” Adam laughed, as tipsy as the rest of us.
That’s what we were doing in Adam’s parent-free house: really mature bets. At late night, it was almost 3:00 a.m. Our onion-eating friend just lost one of those silly bets we were challenging each other to do. Pretty stupid tasks, like standing on one foot for 3 minutes or reading stuff upside down. Quite mundane, easy, but try doing it after two bottles of vodka-lemon. Each. The loser had to take a couple of bites of an onion, because as I said, we’re very mature. And clever.
The entire room stunk like that stinky vegetable and alcohol, didn’t help that some of us were also burping loudly and proudly, but we were too tipsy to even notice or even be bothered by that (plus, it’s not like I’m not used to… bad-smelling stuff…). When not betting each other to do shit, we were all sitting on two different couches: Adam, Jim and a couple of other guys were all sitting and burping on a longer couch, while I was on a smaller one with Dave, sitting next to me.
As more laughs roared in the room for no reason, in the chaos, Dave elbowed me and chuckled a bit, bringing to my attention the weird vibrations on the couch: he was ripping one of his big farts, the sound completely muffled by the pillows, his loose dark grey jeans probably making it sound even louder and manlier. I only smiled a bit a took another shot of vodka; my gassy friend did the same, finding my awkward reaction hilarious as usual.
“Tim, it’s your turn!”
I almost chocked on my own drink when I heard my name: Dave’s flatulence usually makes me very absent-minded. I finally realized that Adam was standing in the middle of the room, each one of us, one by one, whistling a song to him: if he guessed wrong, then it’s onion-hell for him. It was my turn to whistle a song then. I think about it for a moment, and then I start to whistle this famous hit from a couple of years earlier, but I was pretty drunk, so I didn’t really realize how weird the sounds coming out of my lips were, but my friends laughing should have been a wake-up call.
Eventually, Adam ran out of time, because he couldn’t guess the song I was “singing” to him. He was mad, almost furious, but it was the alcohol talking.
“Tim, you’re an idiot!” he was understandably angry, because it was my fault. “That wasn’t even a real song, you asshole!”
Didn’t help that we were all laughing at him, but my friend didn’t accept defeat, and he actually had all the rights to.
“I’m not going to eat those fucking onions!” Adam shouted. “Tim made me lose: he should be the one choking on that shit!”
I wasn’t offended, to be honest. I was actually laughing like the rest of the guys.
“Dude… we’re out of onions!” Jim said, noticing the empty plate.
We all laughed even more after that and I may have given to my angry friend a smug-ish look. I was just kidding, but he took it very seriously.
“Oh you’re going down, Tim. Just you wait…”
He eventually convinced our other pals that I was, indeed, deserving a “punishment”.
“Make him lick your dog’s balls!” someone suggested. “Leave my princess out of this!” Adam replied, offended.
It’s like the entire group stopped being drunk just to decide what disgusting task I should have done. I just laughed the whole time: it’s part of the game, they were not mean-spirited. Even Dave suggested some stuff, like drinking expired milk with my nostrils. Each suggestion was met with a mixture of laughter and disgust.
After a couple of minutes of discussion, I felt Dave once again elbowing me.
“Gentlemen, please!” he shouted, in a slightly sarcastic tone. “Since you’re wasting my time, I propose an entire new bet. Whether the result, Tim will still get his… punishment, trust me!”
He was trying not to laugh, but he did earn some puzzled looks from our other pals.
“If Tim survives to this for 5 minutes straight…” he leaned a bit, the couch shaking again under the pressure of his enormous, muffled fart, which lasted 4 seconds. Our other friends laughed immaturely and I started to sweat. “…then you guys are going to give us 20$. Each.”
Dave was insane. Was he really going to do what I think… no, that’s just crazy. It can’t be, come on! There was people watching us! Our friends were a both amused and disgusted. But also intrigued.
“But if he gives up, then Tim owes Adam… let’s see… 200$” “What?!” I thought, the money-part being the only thing I disagreed with. The thought of Dave face-farting me was amazingly distracting as usual.
As our friends discussed Dave’s proposal, my gassy friend just patted my shoulder. “Come on Tim, that’s some easy bucks, right?” he whispered, chuckling a bit. My fetish was just a weird, fun game to him, and I couldn’t have been happier. But in front of our pals? That was too strange even for my standards.
When I turned to my gassy bro, however, he was already leaning on his back, his legs cocked up, his loose dark grey jeans forming that well-known “barrage” made of denim, a really familiar sight for me. I heard my friends laugh, Adam getting closer to me, his hands on my shoulders.
“Come on Tim… I want to see your face turn green!”
He was trying to sound threatening, but he couldn’t help but laugh; I know Adam: he’s just a friendly dork trying to act tough and I knew that he was actually finding the entire situation immaturely hilarious. But he had to look mad, it’s part of his… character.
I heard Dave sucking some air in his ass, his jeans now sagging, exposing a bit of his red underwear (interesting color, that’s for sure). The weird sounds coming from my friend’s butt were the only thing I could hear, despite my friends laughing. Every time Dave farted was like a dream coming true, but this time we were not alone. I stopped thinking about how risky the situation was for a moment, knowing that my friends would never suspect what was really going on between me and Dave, and just listened to the chorus of “Sniff it!”.
I gently buried my face in that soft, denim pillow, his legs slowly wrapping around my head, as if he was hugging me, trapping me in his gas-chamber. With my nose touching his underwear-covered anus, I could still feel the air being sucked in. A moment of silence, and then I felt his butt-muscles relax, and a first fart began.
It was so loud it’s hard to describe. Despite being on command, it was incredibly gross and wet-ish. The smell was rancid and unbearable, the mixture of alcohol and onions in Dave’s stomach probably produced something that no human would have been able to handle. The fart was so strong… loud, manly: my entire face was shaking, I swear I’ll never get used to his gassy talent. I could barely hear my friends laughing: my ears were devoted to Dave’s immense display of flatulence.
I coughed a bit, pretending to hate the smell, when the truth was obviously really different. This first fart alone lasted almost 20 seconds, one of the longest I’ve ever experienced from him. Our friends clapped their hands in approval, having yet another shot of vodka, a toast to the incredible display of fart-talent they just witnessed, and just kept laughing immaturely.
As they laughed, I saw Dave’s face just above that “barrage” of sagging jeans: as usual, he was laughing, and smiled at me, and then winked: his “plan” was working great. I felt his hand brushing through my hair and gently pushing me even deeper into the denim depths of his ass, this time with my nose almost perfectly aligned with his underwear-clad anus.
Dave’s grip, as usual, felt more like a caress, and the fart that immediately followed was just as big as the first one. And hilarious as well. “This is a natural one!” I heard him say, basically bragging about his gassy-abilities, as the fart kept going strong, our friends laughing again. “Pull him closer!” Jim shouted, then (probably him) pushed me even more “inside” of Dave’s butt (I couldn’t tell if it was Jim, as my face –and eyes- was completely buried in my friend’s fart-shooter). Dave made his butt comically wiggle a bit, forcing some toots out: my nostrils were almost burning, the stench being a mixture of rotten onions and burning vodka-lemon.
“That’s so gay!” Adam laughed. Ironically, he was right, about me at least.
“3 minutes already!” I heard somebody scream. I almost lost track of time: as I said, those farts make me absent-minded. Dave just kept ripping this series of loud rips one after one, without even sucking in. I couldn’t tell anymore whether he was farting on command or not anyway: he was just so good at it that the farts always felt natural (and, 99% of times, they were). “Aww man.” Dave chuckled, lying down slowly. He was tired, exhausted. “Can I turn around?!” he asked. They all simply laughed in response, though I also heard some gagging sounds.
My best friend turned around slowly, adjusting his position, his legs somehow keeping my face planted in his ass, as if he was “wrestling” me down, albeit very slowly and gently. He was now lying on his stomach, his loose-jeans butt looking like a beautiful pillow made of denim, his red underwear slightly popping out.
“Do your longest one, Dave!” Adam suggested. I was both mad and grateful for that.
He then came closer and made sure that my face was buried in the farter’s butt, pushing me even deeper in it. Dave just laughed, while I was trying not to get as red as tomato. I just couldn’t believe how open-minded Dave was about this, going as far as face-farting me in front of everyone else; granted, the bet was a smart excuse, but still, I was speechless. I didn’t even feel embarrassed: it was like a big prank, and friends alway prank each other, but the friendship remains intact, if not even stronger.
“Alright, I feel a good one… ready?” my gassy friend said, but it’s like he was talking to me only, as if we were alone as usual, during one of our fart sessions.
It’s like his butt “hugged” my face even more, right before the explosion that engulfed my entire, defenseless head in a cloud of stench. The fart shook my entire face and part of the couch like an earthquake. The chainsaw-like sounds were as loud as a thunder; the whole flatulence sounded fake, but it wasn’t, at all. 10 seconds, but the fart kept going strong, almost unnaturally.
I caught a glimpse of Dave’s smile as he slightly turned his head around, making sure I was enjoying it, but the rest of our friends didn’t notice that apparently, as they were too busy laughing and clapping their hands. “No way!” Adam shouted, in a mixture of anger and hilarity: as the fart was still being ripped, Dave slightly lowered his jeans a bit, fully exposing the red underwear, the sound getting even louder. I felt his hand again pushing me between his buttcheeks, as he spread his legs a bit more. I was having a close-encounter with his anus, the underwear acting as one final line of defense separating me from the real source of that gas. The smell was unbearable: onions smelt nice in comparison. And it was great.
As a “big finale”, as Dave announced it, the flatulence turned as loud as it was humanly possible, the ear-piercing sound almost destroying my own eardrums. My nostrils were burning, my nose getting wet-ish due to Dave’s sweaty buttcheeks. It was the most intense face-farting that my best friend ever made me experience… and he was straight: imagine if he was gay!
“No fucking way!” Adam roared. “5 minutes!”
Everyone else cheered and laughed, playfully throwing pillows at our angry friend. I slowly sat back, Dave doing the same, tying his jeans belt again. He patted on my shoulder, laughing, while I was doing my best to tame my huge boner, hidden by my own jeans.
“No way! You guys did this before, come on!”
Adam asked, ironically (if only he knew…), now laughing too, as he took a 20$ bill out of his wallet. The rest of the guys reluctantly did the same, throwing money at us, disgusted and amused at the same time.
The entire living-room now smelt like onions and rotten alcohol (if rotten-alcohol existed… does it exist?), everyone moaning in disgust, while me and Dave counted the money we just earned… by cheating.
“Easiest bucks we ever made!” he whispered, handing 50% of the cash to me, elbowing me like he did other times. “Great job!” he chuckled.
We all had another shot of vodka-lemon, and the night proceeded as usual, as Jim found another stash of onions hidden in the fridge. As the really clever betting continued, my gaze landed more than once on Dave… just Dave, sitting next to me, as if nothing happened. He’s like a brother, my best friend. He did that for me, he felt he was really gassy because of all the alcohol… and so farted in my face as an excuse, money or not.
Yes, I bet Dave did all of that for me, not just the money. And that’s another bet I’m sure I’ll win.
End of Episode 6
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Hi! I've seen you rec fics before and I'm wondering if you have any recommendations for Harry Styles fics that deal with gender. Like Harry being either nonbinary or that being the focus of the plot in some way. Thanks!
I have GOT YOU, my friend! I answered a similar ask a long time ago, so I’ll bring those recs over, plus add newer ones, just to keep us up to date. Same caveat as before, though--these fics delve a bit deeper into the genderfluid side of the fine line rather than just the “harry in panties” side because I think you’re more interested in the former, but if I’m wrong, let me know! Enjoy!
Us, Me, We, @homosociallyyours, 2.3 (Harry/Harry, Harry/Louis). Featuring Harry trippin’ balls and truly seeing “her” in the mirror.
you make me wanna (how deep is your love), orphan_account, 2.5k (harry/louis). As the notes say, “straight up porn,” featuring trans Harry.
Friendly Fire, @vondrostes, 2.6k (Harry/Ny). Look, you’ll see a lot of Terran here, I had to hold *back*, but he writes tons of pairings, so there’s something for everyone, and I rec it all! In this case, Harry learns an important lesson about why he shouldn’t date straight women.
No Control, thegirlwthekittentattoo, 2.6k (Harry/Louis). The dialogue here is EVERYTHING, it’s cute and hot and emotional yet still funny, like Harry’s bra being named Christi with an “i”, and I loveeee how much is packed in here.
Silent Night, @sulkingroom, 2.7k (Harry/Xander). I’m 99% sure this is Melissa, not orphan_account, but she’s another author who writes stunning fics that play with gender, this one featuring trans Harry at Christmas.
She, Myself, and I, @vondrostes, 3k (Harry/Nick). Angst city, with Harry telling Nick exactly who “she” is.
Every Drop of Rain, haemophilus, 3.3k (Harry/Taylor). Told through Taylor’s eyes, a fascinating look at Harry and his gender journey. (I highly rec this author’s work in other pairings for similar vibes!)
if they find out, will it all go wrong? blankiexrry, 3.4k (Harry/Louis). Gender exploration behind the scenes when the D played MSG, plus extra kink added!
The Assassination of Harry Styles’ Dignity, wishforwishes, 3.5k (Harry/Nick). This one was in the pubefest, and it’s gryles angst hours gorgeously done as Harry ponders shaving past and present (highly rec this author for gender exploration in other pairings, too).
She Feels So Good, Zedi, 4k, and its sequel, Turns Out She’s a Devil In-Between the Sheets, 3k (Harry/Louis). Mannnn, this universe is so good! Part one is behind the scenes of the Late Late Show after Kiwi, and part two is sexi times in Italy. I utterly adore how this Harry shifts right along with her pronouns.
Fertile Ground, Blake/ @newleafover, 4.4k (Harry/Louis). Jesus wept specifically at this story, CHRIST, so much dysphoria-related angst!! The sheer number of moments guaranteed to make you stare at the wall for one (1) hour, help!
into joy i’m sailing, @hereforlou, 4.6k (Harry/Louis). The tenderness LEAPS off the screen in this one, Harry forgets he’s wearing a dress when Louis comes over for dinner, and I peel my heart out of my throat every time.
weird honey, orphan_account, 5.4k (Harry/Louis). I’m a big lurker in fic comments, and these ones give me joy because big names from a time when this Harry drew even more hate than today are here, spreading love and support--who was this author? This story is so GOOD, I’d love to know what else they did! (In this case, a sex toy helps Harry deal with not having a vagina.)
violence of my own touch, 14hrflight/ @got2ghost, 5.2k (Harry/Louis). Chi is yet ANOTHER author to read for spot-fuckin’-on genderfluid characterization (here, it’s alpha/alpha with all kinds of bdsm, dysphoria, angst, and more).
it’s you i want to take apart, orphan_account, 5.9k (Harry/Louis). This author--in the year of our lorde 2012--watched the nail polish interview and created a work of art that went even deeper, their MIND!!! What else did they foretell??!!!!!
Love at Home, @vondrostes, 6.9k (Harry/Xander, Harry/Zayn/Xander). This fic is HYPER-current, like, mid-quarantine, and it features some Zarry history, some pregnancy-related dysphoria, and so much more, plus horses!! (The horses aren’t actually all that involved, I just love to see ‘em.)
Vinyl and Lace, objectlesson/ @alienfuckeronmain, 7.5k (Harry/Louis). This one kills me because it’s XF days, and you get the full-on sensation that this is meant to be kinky play funtime, but it’s going to end up being something much bigger on so many fronts, we love to see it!
Are You Gonna Be My Girl? LoadedGunn, 7.5k (Harry/Louis). EASILY my fave fic this author wrote, basically, Louis talks about his first time with a girl, Harry decides to be that girl, and the dirty talk hits different in the end!
call me anything you like, but my name is, wishforwishes, 9.9k (Harry/members of CHASM). [muffled internal screaming whenever I think of this fic] It starts with BSE Veronica/Zayn and ends with Harry Veronica/Zayn, and so much revelation happens in between, goddddd bless.
fallin’ and laughin’ at the drinks we spilled, enbyharry/ @non-binharry, 14k (Harry/Louis). Asia’s description in the notes kills me, but #vanlife Louis runs into proud Harry in some bar and shenanigans ensue is the upshot!
But She Doesn’t Know Who I Am series, jaerie, 15k (Harry/Louis). I love that one of the tags here is “louis asks inappropriate questions” because that’s honestly most of what happens!!
o/o angst series, HappyPrincess/ @pattern-pals, 17k (Harry/Louis). I miss Nina’s writing like a phantom limb, and I doubt they’ll return to this universe, but I swear, I will read (and rec) ANYTHING they produce when the muse visits them again! This one is as its title says, and it doesn’t disappoint, heavy sigh.
Grenadine Sunshine, objectlesson/ @alienfuckeronmain, 18k (Harry/Louis). This fic is a peach of a pearl written as a gift for one of this fandom’s best authors, and it perfectly captures the Mood of that author, with so much softness, makeup, gender, and tender.
Alpha Louis/Alpha Harry series, 14hrflight/ @got2ghost, 22k (Harry/Louis). SO MANY GENDER ISSUES EXPLORED HERE, WOW!! College roommates come to terms with their identity, and, mannnnn, do I love it when a/b/o gets unstraightened, if you will, chef’s kiss all around.
Nothing You Can Do (But You Can Learn How to Be You in Time), Teumessian, 28k (Harry/Louis). Also known as the pinterest fic, this one is just so soft and lovely, an identity story told through hair (among other things).
genderfluid!harry series, istajmaal, 33k (Harry/Louis). This entire series hits just as hard today as it did when it was written in 2013, a time when people were aggressively trying to make fetch frat boy Harry happen (some of ‘em still are, lmao). Anyway, this is another author I highly rec for all their other fic, but this one does an A+ job of describing Harry’s gender exploration mid-D madness.
Amor Victorious, HappyPrincess/ @pattern-pals, 38k (Harry/Louis). Another brilliant work from Nina, you feel like you’re on this journey with them, PLUS it dives deep into gender identity struggles, PLUS it throws a/b/o for a loop, all of which equals a big yes from me!
hush., wankerville, 41k (Harry/Louis). One of my all-time faves, this one tackles so many phobias, all while being set in a small-town America high school AU and managing to be the softest, most gorgeous, most hopeful thing in spite (because?) of that.
Time Passed, coffinofachimera/ @belialsmiracles, 66k (Harry/Louis). LISTEN, I WILL NEVER, EVER SHUT UP ABOUT THIS FIC, I can only hope the author will bless us with a timestamp or something else entirely, it’s so beautifully done, it makes you think of nothing else for days, it RUINS you for other fic (I highly rec the author’s other work, too). You’ll never look at Tokyo Harry the same way again (or listen to “She” or “Fine Line” without getting more than a little misty). GOLD STAR!
Made of Lightning, @vondrostes, 74k (Harry/Louis, Harry/Liam, Harry/Louis/Liam). Just...the tags on this don’t do full justice to the journey of it, to the imagination of this specific timeline! I adore how Terran writes trans Harry!
Second Spring, @vondrostes, 103k (Harry/Louis). Speaking of Terran writing trans Harry, this one covers all the ins and outs of her surgical transition, how she recovers, and how she and the people around her deal with puberty no. 2.
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Claiming all reasons I special out made artwork GENESIS ONLY MOMMY LG PHONE NEEDED AND MAKE CAREER IN THE NAME OF ANNA GRIPENTROG THROUGH WEIRD WORLD OF EMOTIONS.. SINCE HAMDBITE (SET UP SILLY...PROGRAMNING...NOT DEEP REPUBLICAN)
RESPONSE 0620156:*
EXODUS:NOW GO BE TV STARS AND CEOS FOR WEINSTEIN DEBLASIO IS ALIVE BLOO.BETG PAID IN BITCOINT FOR PHONE.
RESPONSE: NOT LISTENING TO US MEANS NO ADDERALL WE CANNOT HEAR YOU PEOPLE LOOK AFTER YOU
WON ANNA OCCUPY AMNESIAC K.MAZTRONARDI AMNESIAC OCCUPY MISSING UHA NOVEL OF 8 BERRYALANE CT LITTLE NEMO THE DIARIES OF KADE (THE GOLD COAST:) PARIS HILTON IS GOD#*ONLY ON ADDERALL...
AFTER THE TIME OF 47 MOLLUSK LIVE WITH ANNIMS AMD THE NIGGERY OCT21,2015:OCT21,1985 AFTER GENESIS:
THE ELECTION IS STOLEN THE DIARIES OF KADE AFTER THE HUSBAND OF CAITLIN THE MUSE
FOREVER 27 THERE IS NO RELIGION HIGHER THAN TRUTH/ CAITLIN RODRIGUE FROM EASTONCT/WILLIAMSBURG BROOKLYN SNAKE KETU NAZI SYMBOL ESOTERICA FNORD FROM BEYOND THE AWFUL BANISHMENT OF THE APPLE STORE WITH THE CARMEN KID THINGS (WHO ARE NO L...)
EXODUS:THE DREAMMASTER:*AFTER MEDICATION TIME,MEDICATION TIME AND BEING HELD HOSTAGE TO TAKE MY MEDICATION ON A CLOCK LNE BEYOND APPLE CLONE ..
GRAFFITU ART->
Little nemo on hbo .
<3Sva.edu
The school of visual arts church of silver tiles 2500/8P.m. nirvana
AFTER 5 YEARS OF WORK TO TELL LITTLE ANNA 9 I HAVE FRIE DS THE ONLY PHYICAL PERSON IN THIS WORLD I CLOSE MY FACEBOOK OF IRONY/ODDITY HANDBITE IRONKC ESOTERICA ON AN ELECTION NIGHT:(Skins/chris/SmOkInG:MEAN???:Chris???*):THE WHITE HOUSE TALKS TO YOUR RANDOM TRUMP CABIN?? IN THE AURA FLAUNT OF Nrc THE SCHOOL OF VISUAL ARTS CHURCH OF SILVER TIKES OF ADDERALL BURN CHIP ANC ADDERALL OCCUPY ON A MEME
Please google little Nemo on HBO.
:The irony is I know they are TALKING???TO ME:
Com6
"Season:8FbiintheVronxonabc"
NOW AFTER I CLOSE OUR IRONIC BIG BROTHER 17 WEDDING CHAPEL AND THE VIRGIN MEGASTORE IRONIC OCCUPATION OF 5 YEARS
ARUN GUPTA HAS A ANTHONY RHODES JAIL RECORD OF DAYS OFF ADDERALL Nu Bratt pack
: Republican conservative facebook*
5 Years to access 725 9Th avenue TO SAY REPUBLICAN CONSERVATIVE ON THE ROOFTOP RUN THROUGH MEXI AN DELI*
BEN STUMLF NOT RUNNI G MANHATTAN WHIP-ITS OF JOSHUA-LINDWALL
C.lambton:Use cern shelter lockers of
"Hurry up we're DrEaMiNg": .The age of ho:
Fbiage2:*
a caitlin rodriguez production
Sublet:of the age of horus222:
FROM CERN STUDIES AND ROSICRUCIAN NOTES IRONY ARENS 127 WAS CHERRYBOMB:
THEY NOT TALKING TO YOU!!! STUDY THE HEARTBREAK OF THEIR NO ANNA
Fnors
d,Fnord*
Collect:Fun data for Funny 4 politican friends **_.€9.23Cern Magick:
Response TO ADDERALL FAITH IN MASTURBATION
Fjallraven
avcscpavc HAS THE ON TBE WALLS ADDERALL CAMERAS OF Little nemo on abc
F
you CRAZY ADDERALL 4 YEAR UNIVERSITY PRESIDENT
"ART OF THE DEAL:"
X16579Adderallrepublicans*
reward with a phone and NY STATE DISABILITY MONEYIt'st: DAVID BOWIE ON AVC LESSER TBAN NY GUITAR
Caitlinrodriguezhusband:
Proove it:Cern can see You..**99 23
Touching ne,: LOVE OF THE LG
AFTER UTILIZIBG FOREVER 21 ADDERALL IS GOD FOR LOVE AND DEATH OF A TEDDYBEAR TAX OUT ROOFTOP MARIO DROP ON Youtube.com/Forecastmazyfilns
Bring to FBI
AS MARCG 23 ENCHANTMENT TEAMABC DEL NO RIO GIFT .TAX OUT IDEA:
Of ..i
..drop TO BEING HANDBITE THAT ALWATS WAS:
A CANADIAN BIRD MUCH MUSIC IN GRAND CENTRAL CANDIAN FBI OCCUPIES GIO "Christi"British:IS CAPTAIN: MAREL**9.23:
MTHE IRONIC FREE AND ACCEPTED COMPASS 4:
4 YEARS WITHOUT USING TRUMP IN THOUGHTS SIDE WITH JNCO* **9 W
23
.IRONY:
THE DEAL IS THEY GET IT!!!
Orange x are you coming to get me Who's **9?23 THE BOSS:* OF FASHION CLUB??.
PEGGY OLEARY OF SILVER TILES
THE PIXIES CHIKD SMUGGLING RING MEME OCCUPY*:
THE MOST FUN TO SAY ANNA IS TO ONLY CARE ABOUT A PHONE OF THE MAGI...
TO DO HIGH MAGICK OFF THE GRID OF DOVE-PRONOAS
Republican36 .(Sneaky)
THE DEAL WITH GID:
ADDERALL IS GOD
:::***THE PHONE CALLS WERN'T FOR YOU WHEN YIU BAD:?!!!
NI TEETH UNTIL YOU CONTRADICT PLAY CARD CREATE SCHOOL OF BANISHED ADDERALL CHILDREN WHO I HAVE PERFORM IN THE NIGHT OF SURGERY MAKIBG DEALS THEY MAKE THE NEXT SCENE WITH THE ILLUMANATI DEAD
!!!
BABY YOU NO BELIEVE IN MOMMY!!
PRESIDENT ANNA GRIPENTROG IS NOT REAL!!!
FREE AND ACCEPTED NEW YORK CITY MASONIC LODGE :
U HAD TO SAY FUCK MOMMY??NO A
WAWAY THAT REAL!!
YES THAT REAL AND TO ENTERTSIN BEAR+9+ BANY CHRISTMAS AS I DIE...
(Not re
al????)As NYU Psyche entertains you
ANNA GONE NO MOTIVATION TO LOVE EVER AGAIN ONLY FOR THE ADDERALL NOE LITTLE NEMO..
LG
G NOT REAL MOMMY LOVE ANNAS LOVE AND WE CAN TIME TRAVEL ANY TIME
Rosicruckan little nemo:***
BARSK OBAMA MAD#
!! U WAKING UP
AMNESIAC...TEARS DECEPTIVE!!!
MOVIE PROGRAMS ARW BAD
WE LIKE YOU(BUT YOU MAKE THE SOUND)
****
THE AGE OF HORUS:a Caitlin Rodriguez production
Dear Cailin,
I love you
DARLA BURTNIM HAS A GIFT BOX DISTURBING LOOMING DOWN THE BEST BUY ESCALTOR AS I GO OUT TO STEAL
Anna gripentrkg:GONE FRON SKYLINE
ADDERALL:Apt1618:Sunshine
Amnesiac OCCUPY:
MISSING:The school of visual arts ID
215 e23rd street ID
2223A1
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New York , new York 10010
TV SHOW HIDE ONLY HUMBLE DOMINO ODIN LOKI YOU FUCMING NAAMAS MOM FROM WESTPORT,CT A SUICIDE AFTER9 EATS ANNA SORACCO
She no cure carmen cancer:
SHE NOT GKD WE KEEP:
*9 WORSHIO US THEY GOT MAD!!!
YOU DO NOT HAVE MILLENIA TRUMP ON YOUR FOOT!!-
AT YOUR MOMMY'S HOUSE WE KNOW...YOU SNORT ADDERALL IN YOUR SPARE TIME DO NOT WORSHIO HER!! BAD NY STATE CHAT TEARS ARE A LIE?? DISABIME SIMPLE MAN IN THE NAME OF ADDERALL!!!!!-
YOUR MOM AN INVISIBLE BEING B.aa
A: REPUBLICAN CONSERVATIVE HIRED!!
You have to go down OBAMA NEVER SPEAK TO A SHELTER KID OR YOUR ROCK N' ROLL SUICUDE:
***9.23:Humor!!!
Bill gates+Others sad!! Dragon ball GT
YOUR WISH HAS BEEM GRANTED!!!
ONLY YOUR MOM+ PHONE ARE REAL
WHY TRY WHEN YOU CAN MAX OUT THE JAIL RECORD AND BLOLDY SLEEP WITH LITTLEANNA
Church of 9
Fairfield:, connecticut*
MOLECULE QUEEN:
YOU ARE WRONG!!"* OUR TIME!!
Dreammaster!!
She brings home the project**!!
Only for Facebook Jesus christ protect my mother! Demonbkyd!!!** Chris mastronardi GOING INTO THE WORLD OF MY BEINGS TAKE CARE!!
THE ART OF THE STUPID REPUBLICAN LEGACY AND BEATING TBE RING!!-
THE WAAY IMPRESSICE!! TO MAKE TBE THIEVERY OF THE AGE OF HORUS OKAY TO CALL IN SICK TO SCHOOL
Score1:2011
Score2:4 Years the school of [email protected] FACEBOOK+ADDERALL!!!
Pm Nirvana 2500/8*
Why fix when you! Can fuck Williamsburg!,Brooklyn
Ship the real:* wOrLd FAIRFIELD BEACH:
ED+LAW 2
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TO:
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YOU WILL NEVER BELIEVE IT A SOUL IS ART PRIDE
Dear Anna gripentrog,
I found one to really entertain and it littleanna9 a gentike faerie sprite who has grammies AS I PLAY MOMMY+!*** REAL OR NOT!! ( Occupy)!!:42 THE PANASONOC HVX OF THE YEAR 2008 IS NOW THE ARENA OF MY INTERNET ARTWORK I CONTROL THE REALITY WITH ADDERALL AND FACEBOOK IN HATE FOR YOUR DIS. ***
APPEARENCE I HAVE MADE MY FACEBOOK AND THE INTERNET. _*.923
ARTWORK THE SHLW WHILE Flaunting Youtube.com/Forecastmazyfilns -> Broone street: -> 25Th street MARK AGERHOL STREET ROCKY OCCUPIES GENESIS
47 Mollusk+ Live with Annims
YOU ARE GONE SO FREE AND ACCEPTED. * NEW YORK ** CITY MASONIC LODGE ME HOMELESS OUTSIDE A SHELTER HAS MADE A TV SHOW ON MY MOMS PHONE!!!!
NOT THAT YOU KNOW HER BECAUSE YOU KNEW ME WHEN I WAS REAL BEFORE THEY USED UP THEIR AMNESJA AT 33 BUT THEY ARE ALL HER ACID BEINGS!!! A BARRAGE OF ENEMIES FROM THE PAST APPEARES JAMREHUGHESNICKXHAKR
Win OTccupy TRUMP*: ANNATHEIDEAISIMNKTSERIOUSJTSNOTREOUBLICA !!!*!!! Gulliani is the lawyer!!! IN MY MOTHERS NAME I MADEA 5 YEAR SERIES OF SAVING THE WORLD!!! IN AD DIRTY SUICIDE LF STUDYING ALL THE MAGICK ADDERALL CAN MUSTER!! ALL OF THE ARTWORK IS TO YOU BUT THEY WAITED TOO LONG FOR FAME AND MONEY A D STOLE YOU.. CLAIM DIMENSIONS ARE REAM!! SO.o...***I JOINED TBESE ADDERALL+ESOTERIC+HANDBITE PEOPLE!! WELL SMOKING PEOPLE!! TAXING OUT->irony->An Inian touches my chip:***9.23
KNOWING THAT IT WAS ALL FOR YOU:ARUN GUPTA MACHINE KILLED* LOKI (Decadent diploma in an empty Hartford room*" THEY ALL ABOUT I CARE ABOUT THE MAGICK:*
Masonic
.I ONLY COUNT THE PHYSICAL WORLD .
ALL THE BEINGS ARE FROM MY MOM.YS CHILDHOOD MY MOTHER IS A POOR PUERTO RUCAN. * ..9.23. **** WOMAN ONCE APART OF MY LIFE BEFORE I BECAME THE ROUGE KNIGHT OF MY CHARACTER MIKE FROM CHILDHOOD. ...* SEE IN THE REAL STORT MIKE/DILLION MIKE GETS MOTHER SENT TO JAIL IN ALL LOGIC (OR ATLEAST MY CHILDHOOD LOGIC.. I WAS ONCE APART OF THE POOR KIDS OF VIDEO GAME STREET BEFORE BEING ADOPTED AS A GUPTS KF EASTON,CT AND PLAYED A DANGEROUS GAME...i let this kid over who was probably from institio 5 Mind like I*** 9.w23: * and gone like I said in the novels A FASCIATING WRITE THIS Dillion Thompson is!!!)** 9.23:* BUT SADLY HE TOOK OVER MY HOME..FOR THE NOVEL I SWEAR IS FOR YOU!! BECAUSE I SWEAR *** I KNEW I WOULD MEET YOU AND YOU WOULD GIVE ME ADDERALL..AMD I WOULD BLOKDY WRITE YOU THE GREATEST STORY!!!*!!9 W
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.THE BEINGS WHO MAKE ME A WORLD TO GET TO ADDERALL AND TO PLEASE YIU!!!
*..
SEE SOMETHIBG ONCE TOLD ME (Crazy act:*):Genesis LEGALIZE:Caitlinrldriguehusbabd *
The don
NOW I KNOW YOU WANT TO KNOW!!! RIGHT!!!
WELL SINCE BIRTH MY PARENTS JUST WANTED TO GIVE ME ONE GIFT!!! **
:923
AMD NO I DONT MEAN MY REAL PARENTS:36
THE GUPTAS OR MY NOVEL ONES THE AGERHOLMS
I MEAN DAMGEROUS WHITE TRASH
4a
**9.23
MAN AND BLOODY ANGEL WOMAN:
AND THAT WON Little nemo on hbo**-> Chris mastronardi
REAL WOD:*
Darla BURTNIM gift blx:* 9.23****
ANYHOW... GOD THAT TOOK YEARS TO DO!!!!
AND SO MUCH FU. TO TELL YOU ABOUT!!*Oh to be born at 36
**
SEE THEY WANTED ME TO PLEASE YOU AND ADDERALL
AWW! I KNOW YOU WATCHING!! AND I KNOW OUR FORTUNE GONE BUT IT TOOK A LONG TIME TO COME TO THE CONCLUSIO. OF WHY I LOST YOU AND THAT THEY WOULD NOT PAY ME
Pkeae anna gripentrog never falls in love!!!
Bronz
xm
,NY you make it happen...
SEE THEY WANTED ME TO LIVE IN A PLAYWORLD OR SOME SHIT (Sorry..gld crazy story!!)
11/202€ Naseq:Nemo ***9.23
THE STORY OF THE OCCUPY WALLSTREET OF SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER:SCHOOLED!! PRODUCE A DISNEY SHoW CALLED NEW YORK DISNEY!!)
(A
and i know me talking to the MCU is a big deal:but we all gotta start pur CAREER:* somewher*!!!)*
I MEAN ALL IN ALL I AM SUPPOSED TP FEEL ASHAMED THAT I SHOE STUPID AMNESIA MANHOOD ADDERALL WORLD GAME OR 725 AS A STORY.
Or FUCKING MY MOTHER IS AN INDECENT STORY BUT LET'S JUST SAY THERE NEVER ONE DIMENSION OF ANNA!!!
SO I KNLW THIS SOUND CRAZY BUT I KNEW AROUND 2011 THEY NEVER GONNA PAY ME AND I NEVER GOING HOME SO WITH THIS ELEMENT THING CALLED TBE WORMD FORTUNE IN .Y HANDS I GAVE IT TO CAITLIN RODRIGUZ
(Sorry too MUCH!! Burn brain bad:hahahahs THEY ALL FROM MY ACID CHILDHOOD OF MY BELOVED CHILDHOOD BEST FRIEND MY Mommy)!!! THEY TRYING TO PROOVE TO SENATLR OBAMA I AM MAD!!* THEY ARE FRIENDS FOREVER FROM A TRAIN
See I DONT THINK DIMENSIONS ARE REAL SO I GOT LOST FUCKING WITH THE RADOO..But let's just say Mike had a secret religion called his crazy best cried d who he occupy been bunging i never thought the word focus was REAL* on through a like 2p year TIME JUMP!! DILLION THOMPSON WAS NOT A REAL KID BUT ON TV OUTSIDE A GENESIS FLAG ADDERL REpub....lican conservatovksm occupy 725:5:Fox:0620156*:Crystal IS AWOAH!!
acaitlin Rodriguez production***!9.2Comps
Free and accepted**
DREAMMASTER#?:
(Right after medication time, medication time!!
A ©2029 SELLING STUPID SHIT FROM YOUR GOKDEN BIRTHDAY PRODUCTION
See MIKE HAD A MOTHER IN FAIRFIield,Connecticut novel and mikd plays a game of ADDERALL +8/119/11 Esoterica with SUICIDE BLONDE I ZS€:sometimes you kick sometimes you get kicked:project art school quantum leap)
Mike always thought he'd be lost again in the MONKEYBONE of childhood magick: Right?Well remember that Pinalplr:*21 WOMAN WELL SHE WAS BEAUTIFUL LONG AGO...BUT SHE HAD A MOTHER/SON RELATIONSHIP WITH MIKE BEST FRIENDS (Crack carmdn):Al's*9.23:*** Anyhow produce toonBowtos: SO LONG AGO MIKE HAD A PART OF HIMSELF THAT HAD A MOTHER+ AND A FATHER COUNTERPART (Hbo:Palmetto Rd peter a
MASTROnardi-s production): LULU.com* MIKE (Deni??*:Silly obama???2011/11??*) Fnord???
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Formal Introductions and Female Orgasms
Well hello, welcome to my blog. Some of you may know who I am, and others don’t, and I’m perfectly ok with that. I’m writing this anonymously because I want to. And that’s that. The things that I talk about on this blog are things that many people would consider to be rather controversial; sex, politics, gender equality. etc. The topics I'm going to talk about and give opinions on are just that, opinions. I don't claim to be an expert on any of these things (ok except some of the female sexuality things. I am a female and I have sex, so I have some insider info on that) so don't get mad and offended if they aren't completely accurate in your eyes. People have differing opinions, that's a fact, get over it. That being said, I respect your view and your right to disagree, I'm not going to slam you because we don't agree, that's just stupid. It’s also worth mentioning, I swear like a sailor, so as formal as I’m going to try to be; I’m not going to hide that part of myself. I do intend to do some research on these topics and will cite sources, the people that have done the work to produce the facts deserve recognition. And with that, let's begin!
Disclaimer! This is about female sex with men. I honestly don't have enough experience with women to do this subject justice in regards to them. I had a really interesting conversation yesterday about pleasure between partners and what that should look like, as well as pleasure in general. The opinion of the person I spoke to was that what got him off was getting the girl off, making sure that she was able to orgasm multiple times and from that he was able to be satisfied. Which I found really interesting because it wasn't the first time, I had heard that from a man. What made it interesting was the fact that I know a multitude of girls who NEVER cum from sex, me included. And it got me curious, how many women suffer from orgasmless sex? Upon doing some research I found a book a called "Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters--And How to Get It" By Laurie Mintz, In the first chapter of the book Dr. Mintz addresses something called "The Pleasure Gap". If you've never heard of the Pleasure Gap, let me enlighten you. It is the gap between partners reaching orgasm, more often than not men reaching it and not women. She references a survey that asked thousands of men and women about whether they had reached orgasm in their most recent sexual encounter, 64% of women had reached an orgasm in comparison to the 91% of men. The fact that only 64% of women reported cuming is just sad. Women deserve to cum just as much as men do. I would place myself in the 36% that doesn't cum at all. Do you know how annoying it is to have sex with a guy, have him cum and not get to do that same? There aren't enough words in the English language to describe the mental and physical frustration it causes. Not only does it leave you craving more but it can also leave you feeling unimportant. You ask yourself questions like "Why does he get to cum and I don't?" "Does it even matter to him that I'm not happy?" "Does he even know how to get me off?". Questions like these rapidly lead to self-confidence issues. I know this from experience, I’ve been left feeling like shit because I “couldn’t cum” and felt like I disappointed him because I couldn’t finish. And that feeling of disappointment being confirmed by the look on his face when I told him I didn’t. I’ve also received looks of utter frustration. Guys have gotten legitimately frustrated that I didn’t cum from what he was doing. But the frustration wasn’t with himself, it was with me. Because it was somehow my fault that what he was doing wasn’t enough.
And now to address the elephants in the room, the men! No that is not a weight joke or a comment on the size of your penis. This whole post I’ve been talking about my experiences with men and the inadequacy of my sexual encounters with them. I would like to take a moment and say that it’s not all their fault. Shocker I know, a woman admitting that men aren’t all to blame for female issues. Do I think they deserve to take some of the responsibility for the fact that most of the women who have sex aren’t having an orgasm? Yes. But are they 100% at fault? No. From about age 12 (is that when guys discover porn? I’m not a guy I don’t know, so I’m guesstimating here) they see women getting off almost instantaneously. In all the porn I’ve seen the man humps her into oblivion and then 5 minutes in she has a screaming orgasm as he busts a nut on her chest. News flash, that isn’t real! I don’t know any women who have had that experience. It goes the same way in movies. I’d like to meet the original director who decided to put that in porn and give him a good smack upside the head. Figuratively, I don’t think you should hit anyone ever, unless it’s consensual, and that is a topic for a whole other post. From an early age men see women getting off from penetration alone and that is factually inaccurate. But I don’t think porn alone is to blame for this. I did a little Googling and on the Men’s Health website they have an article titled “Real Women Share 9 Tips For How to Give Them an Orgasm” it brought a smile to my face to see that a website geared towards men had this article. The first tip is getting to know the clitoris. I cannot express how important this is, you know that episode of SpongeBob where he stands on top of his house and yells “I’m ugly and I’m proud”? I want to do that but yell about how important it is to learn about the clit. Guys insider tip here, the clit is the key to unlocking the female orgasm. Most women require clitoral stimulation to get off, so it makes logical sense to start there. I know very few men that are educated on the clit. So, prepare yourself for a crash course on the vagina. Let’s start simple, where the hell is the clit? When you look at a vagina, which I’m sure most of the guys reading this have, you’ll see the labia majora and minora. For those of you that don’t speak medical, it’s the “lips” calling them that makes my skin crawl but for clarity purposes I will refer to them as such. There are big lips (majora) and small lips (minora). You will also see the vaginal opening, i.e. where you stick your fingers, dick, toys, etcetera, a few centimeters above that, is the clit. You’ve probably heard female masturbation referred to as “flicking the bean”, there’s a reason for that. It’s roughly the size of a bean. And covering said bean is what’s called the clitoral hood, the bit of skin that covers the clit. That is where you want to be. Now, the clit is super sensitive. There are 8,000 nerve endings located there in comparison to the 4,000 that are in the tip of the penis. You know how sensitive your dick is after you cum? Yea imagine having that sensation constantly. The magical thing about the clit is that its only purpose is pleasure. Score one for the ladies. There are hundreds of ways to stimulate the clit, too many for me to go over. But I would recommend starting slow. Most girls don’t want you to rub it like you’re rubbing a magic lamp to summon a fucking genie. Start with small circles that then increase in speed. Change up the direction of how you are rubbing it. Her body language and sounds will usually tell you if what you are doing is good. Which leads us into the next tip in the article, ask her what she wants, I would also like to throw in paying attention to her body and listening to her. I can’t begin to explain the importance of this. How do you expect to get her off if you have no idea what she wants? Now I know this can be daunting and I know a lot of guys that are worried that if they ask, they will seem like they aren’t confident and don’t know what they’re doing. That isn’t true, I speak from experience here. There is nothing hotter than a man asking me what I like and how he can please me more. Not only does that make me feel important but it makes me want to do the same for him. I talked to a BUNCH of my friends about this and the general consensus was that they got off on the fact that their partner got off. Granted 99% of the people I talked to where men. But the one girl who gave me some insight felt the same way as the men. So, guys, don’t be afraid to speak up, your lady will appreciate it and in turn will more often than not return the favor. So, this ultimately boils down to men being given false expectations and not being educated. I’m not expecting guys to get in a football huddle and talk technique, but maybe you should. Information is king, yea?
Ladies! It’s your turn. We have pretty trumped up expectations as well. A very wise woman once told me that I am responsible for my orgasm, that I shouldn’t rely on someone else to get me off. And she was right. I will be the first to admit it, as frustrated as I have been, it’s my body and my job to make sure that my partner knows how to satisfy me. We have this built in idea that all men should know exactly how to please us, which is stupid because there are a fair number of us that don’t even know how to please ourselves. So, before we go shit talking our partners to our friends, we should probably figure out how to do it ourselves. The beauty of it is, it’s not super difficult. If you’re a lady that has struggled with finding your clit, refer to the section in which I describe to the men where this apparently elusive organ is. Figuring out your clit is a really rewarding endeavor because as I said earlier, its only purpose is pleasure. In the Netflix show “Sex Education” the main character Otis acts as a sex therapist for his classmates. And one of his “clients” tells him that she can’t come with her boyfriend. And he prescribes for her what I am prescribing for you. Masturbate. Figure out what you like so you can relay that to your partner. Not only will it be helpful when you have sex but it’s really fucking fun to do on your own. Take ownership of your body. It’s yours, right? Why not do something good for it. Not only is masturbating a god damn pleasure party but it also has health benefits. You know those gut-wrenching cramps you get when you’re on your period that feel like a fat man in stilettos is standing on your uterus? Yea, masturbating can help with those. In the article Orgasms for a Better Life: The Surprising Benefits of Sexual Pleasure they discuss pain management. When you have an orgasm your brain releases endorphins and corticosteroids that help combat pain. So, whether it’s period cramps or a headache, coming can help. Orgasms are also a natural sleep aid and stress reliever, after you cum your system is flooded with dopamine and oxytocin that initiate feelings of deep relaxation. One more thing, it’s a fucking mood booster. I can’t remember a single time that I was sad after coming. Not one. Those are just some of the recorded health benefits. Ladies, get familiar with your body. You’ll be thanking yourself and so will your partner.
Congratulations, you’ve finished…. the post that is (see what I did there? Got to love puns). As you’ve probably gathered, I’m blunt and brutally honest. I have no qualms talking about things that a lot of people find taboo, awkward, and controversial. And that’s why I love this blog. It starts a dialogue about things we should be talking about anyway. I encourage you to comment your thoughts on this. I won’t be surprised or offended if you comment anonymously, shit I’m writing this anonymously. I really would love to hear your feedback. Also, if you are a friend of mine reading this, which I’m pretty sure almost 100% of the people reading this are, please don’t out my identity. I’ll just delete the comment. And I really don’t want to do that. I’m trying to be as honest as possible, and censorship doesn’t fit into that equation. Thank you so much for reading! I don’t have a set posting schedule yet but when I figure that out, I will let you know. I’m really proud of my work and excited to share it with you! See you soon!
Citations (God adding this feels like doing a high school paper, but it’s important)
· Mintz, Laurie B. Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters--and How to Get It. HarperOne, an Imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers, 2018.
· Beland, Nicole, and Melissa Matthews. “Real Women Share 9 Tips For How to Give Them an Orgasm.” Men's Health, Men's Health, 8 Nov. 2018, www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a19539937/sexual-techniques-for-guaranteed-orgasm/.
· Donaldson James, Susan. “Female Orgasm May Be Tied to 'Rule of Thumb'.” ABC News, ABC News Network, 4 Sept. 2009, 3:17pm, abcnews.go.com/Health/ReproductiveHealth/sex-study-female-orgasm-eludes-majority-women/story?id=8485289.
· “Orgasms for a Better Life: The Surprising Benefits of Sexual Pleasure - Sexual Health Center - Everyday Health.” Stroke Center - EverydayHealth.com, Ziff Davis, LLC, 3 June 2013, www.everydayhealth.com/sexual-health-pictures/orgasms-for-a-better-life-the-surprising-benefits-of-sexual-pleasure.aspx.
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LOADING INFORMATION ON POIZN’S MAIN VOCAL HAN SIWON...
IDOL DETAILS
STAGENAME: N/A CURRENT AGE: 25 DEBUT AGE: 18 TRAINEE SINCE AGE: 14 COMPANY: 99 SECONDARY SKILL: Lyric writing
IDOL PROFILE
INSPIRATION: Siwon started out watching underground rappers and all the performers littered around Hongdae growing up and took an interest himself. He started out as a rapper, but was quick to find he had more talent for singing and quickly ditched the rapping idea, focusing more on his singing ability while watching top first generation idols for tips and inspiration SPECIAL TALENTS:
Can hold his breath for a stupidly long time.
Can untangle headphones really quickly
Ambidextrous and can write and eat with both hands just as each other
NOTABLE FACTS:
Attended Hanlim Art School and is also a graduate from Seoul Arts
Has a lot of gaming friends and is always mentioning the large group chats he’s in and all the idols he’s met through gaming
The youngest in the family and has three older siblings, all girls.
IDOL GOALS
SHORT-TERM GOALS:
His current goals is to get more involved in lyric writing and write lyrics for a title song which end up getting at least one music show win. He’d also quite like to write for other groups as well. But the main goal is to help keep Poizn rising in popularity. Maybe get some well liked idols as guests on his radio show. Not to mention trying to keep himself out of any other scandals.
LONG-TERM GOALS:
While the idol life has been fun, it’s also been a long road and Siwon is starting to get a bit tired now. While he doesn’t see himself staying in an idol group for the rest of his life, he still knows he wants to be stay in the music industry. He quite likes the idea of eventually breaking from 99 Ent and starting his own label and producing and writing songs for himself in the far future and helping the more underground singers get themselves out there as well. But he does know he wants to build up a name for himself outside of Poizn and have enough money to live comfortably. Maybe even start a family.
IDOL IMAGE
Siwon has changed quite a lot since his debut with the group. Back in the very first months he was right troublemaker, instantly branded with a bad-boy and rough type of image. Which was fine, it was easy to fit into that image with his quick tongue and almost rude natural gaze. Sure, he had gotten into worse trouble in the past, but his time training had helped mature out all those worse kinks and worse behaviour he used to have. But in the early years you could still catch a glimpse of the sort of person he was before, with failing to think before opening his mouth and spouting some ill thought words, or maybe not being so polite and respectful towards those higher in the industry. A sort of arrogance hanging over his head wherever he went, a look which almost told you that he thought he was better than you.
The seven years he has spent in Poizn have helped immensely in maturing him. And while he can quite easily fit into the mischievous bad-boy image the company wants of him almost on command, Siwon has grown as a person. He’s a lot more polite on and off camera than he once was and now actually takes the time to think about what he wants to say before actually saying it. But that isn’t to say he still doesn’t slip up from time to time and there is still a lot of smoothing to do of all those rough edges. He still has trouble with the fine line between being playfully rude and being actually rude to people.
But he’s always had that boyish charm, the winks and easy grins on his face, the leisure of his stance with hands shoved into the pockets of his jeans. It’s almost as if he doesn’t have a care in the world and he’s always been the sort of chill member. The one who seems to go at his own pace through the world, never rushing around or getting all anxious about anything. Even when going through a hard time with the group he’ll be the first to sit everyone down and tell them that they’ll work through it.
To this day, he swears that there is no footage of him crying on camera. Even when they received their first win Siwon was dry-faced and didn’t spill a tear. Which has made people think that he is actually colder than he really is. And it’s something else 99 has been trying to tie into his image, the cold bad-boy. And it’s not an image Siwon is completely comfortable with, not that he supposes he pays much attention to sticking with an image any more. He’s been in this industry for seven years – people can easily make their own assumptions if they really want to. It doesn’t matter to him.
IDOL HISTORY
Han Siwon never had all the cards on his side. The baby of the family, the only son, living in a house which was barely big enough for all the bodies – let alone the grandparents who lived with them as well. His family didn’t have much, not much money, not much hope of getting anywhere with their lives and no great aspirations. His family was always more than happy just working low-end jobs which paid enough for the bills and to put food on the table. They never wanted anything more than that, always claiming family was more important than being successful.
It was why the son decided early on that he wanted to get away with this and actually make something of himself and prove having big aspirations wasn’t actually a bad thing.
He was only young when he took solace in music, living near Hongdae meant that he often got a lot of time to watch all the street performers. His first interaction was with a rapper, someone Siwon instantly took a shine to and was quick to become a fan of. Whenever he heard the rapper was performing, Siwon was bolt to make sure he got there in time, plonk himself right at the front of the crowd and stay there till the very end of the performance.
When he was only nine years old, Siwon started to rap himself. It was messy, he didn’t take any lessons and was only copying what he had seen others do. It never occurred to him that maybe he might be better off as a vocalist until his music teacher pulled him to the side after one lesson and complimented his voice, inviting him along to the next choir meeting.
And so he went, quickly finding that his vocal range was much more suited to singing than it was for rapping. While he still loved watching and listening to rappers, the boy started to pay more attentions to the singers he came across around Hongdae, taking the time to stand and watch them instead, taking notes from what he saw and from what he asked the buskers themselves if he could get the chance. He even started watching idols, pouring over old performances he managed to get his young hands on.
But when he was twelve he started getting bullied at school, pushed around and laughed at behind his back. So Siwon started fighting back. At first it was all just verbal, with whatever insults he could think of, but then he started using his fists. It got him into trouble on more than one occasion and he was almost kicked out of school for starting fights. He became arrogant, each fight only seeming to fuel the fire under him as he started acting out more towards his teachers and caring less and less for what he said and who he said it to. He even started hanging with the wrong types of people, lingering behind the school building after lessons and smack talking and yelling insults and people walking past just for kicks.
His attitude problem only seemed to get worse as he grew older, so maybe the casting agent coming into his life when she did was a blessing in disguse. Singing was more of a hobby for him than anything at the time, but he ended up getting scouted on his way home from school when he was fourteen and he started to maybe think he could make something from this. And the rest, they say, is history. A couple of auditions later, and after managing to convince his parents this was a good thing, he managed to get himself a contract under 99 Entertainment.
With the help of his new vocal lessons, Siwon managed to get himself into Hanlim Arts, unfortunately, not SOPA like he had wanted. But it was better than nothing. And he only grew in the environment. His attitude problem was not going to stand any more and while it was hard to break old habits, he worked hard, giving everything he had to the company in the hopes that his efforts would bare some fruit. He even expanded more, starting to take an interest in writing his own lyrics and putting his won songs together, big ideas in his head about what he could do with his pen and paper.
Eventually, everything did finally work out for him. At only months past being eighteen, Siwon debuted as a member of Poizn and he could never imagine how long the road ahead of him was going to be.
With all this new attention on him and new environments, at first he struggled. His attitude started flaring up again from time to time, the slip of the tongue, the bored expression on his face during a recording without even realizing it. But he continued to work hard, singing was a love of his now and he wasn’t going to let it go without a fight. But he was thriving, enjoying everything challenge which was thrown their way, safe in the knowledge he had people to back him up now and he didn’t have to go at it alone like he used to with the bullies back in school.
Of course there were bumps in the road, his attitude problems causing some problematic posts from netizens as well as other scandals from his other members starting to pile up. But, they managed to do what he knew they would and worked through it as a team and as a group, Siwon only growing stronger because of it.
With a long career came the maturity. Siwon had mellowed out a lot, finding that it was far too much effort to be all stressed and fired up about everything all the time. He’s just more than happy to take everything in his stride, finding the time to unwind playing video games and making sure to take it slow and not let anyone rush him off his feet.
There was a small hiccup to this plan, however, when rumours started floating around that he was in a relationship with a member of Heaven in late 2017. It all stemmed from a picture which had been taken where Siwon was simply hugging the member in question, his head turned to speak into her ear over the noise. But fans took it too far, claiming he was going in to kiss her and they must be dating because of it. They had pictures of the two of them together from even earlier on, that they weren’t just friends as everyone had thought and they had been dating back then as well. The whole situation just blew up in a full blown scandal no matter what Siwon said about the situation himself. Even his post on the group’s fancafe explaining himself went mostly ignored by the fans, claiming he was quickly trying to cover everything up. So he took it further, posting on both twitter and Instagram, getting more annoyed and ruder with every explanation he had to post.
Eventually he was called into the management’s office. And it was an awfully long sit-down with the management team, Siwon having to explain himself, how the picture and the rumors he was dating anyone were false. Management decided to believe him, getting to work on quelling the rumors to the best of their ability and releasing an official statement. Though Siwon’s social media privileges were revoked for a couple of weeks as well because of the angry posts he had made on social media and he had to release an official apology as well for what had been said. While the rumors he was dating did die down, new rumours started to float around that he was almost kicked from Poizn because of the whole situation. But, due to his better judgement, Siwon decided not to respond to those rumours and let them lie.
The whole thing is still rather fresh in the memory and he’s just trying to move past the whole thing and forget it ever happened. Tomorrow is a new dawn and, hopefully, there wouldn’t be any more scandals on his plate anytime soon.
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Guilt - ONEWE (MAS) Dongmyeong
Words: 3735 words
Characters: Son Dongmyeong x Y/N feat. Kang Hyun/Kang Hyung Gu
Genre: Fluff, Angst
Summary: He did it for his dream, he strives for his love...
NOTE: I’m posting this earlier ‘cause I’m not sure when I’ll be able to:’( Also, please support ONEWE and ONEUS. They’re really talented and worth to stan. Also, this story is basically telling Son Dongmyeong’s story to all of you (minus Y/N). A starters to everyone why you guys should support him and why he and his friends needs your support. Plus if the name Son Dongmyeong sounds familiar to you guys, it’s because he’s been on Produce 101 Season 2 then on The Unit that same year. If your a Wannable, you might see him chatting and sitting with Wanna One Park Jihoon on SOPA 2017-18 Graduation. Even though Myeongie’s a ‘00 liner, he debuted earlier and had his graduation w/ Jihoon and the rest of ‘99 liner students.
Note 2: YES MNET LIED WHEN THEY SAID BAE JINYOUNG WAS THE ONLY ‘00 LINER IN PRODUCE 101 SEASON 2
Your best friend Dongmyoeng, was always cheerful and energetic. You too, considering that's how you guys became best friends in the first place. But with Dongmyeong, you always find yourself exhausted after the day ends.
You guys first met during elementary school. You were once known as the shy and quiet girl in your class. Constantly getting attention only because of your family background. And also there's your older brother, Hyungu, who was fairly famous for being considered as a musical genius at a young age and was also fairly famous around the campus.
"Hi, I'm Son Dongmyeong, pleased to meet you guys!!!" an overly energetic guy in front of the class suddenly rang one day during a sunny Wednesday morning on your 3rd grade.
"Now class, I want you all to be kind and be-friend Dongmyeong here, ok?" the teacher said, delighted of the overflowing energy of the said kid.
"Yes, Ma’am!” You heard your classmates say, to which you followed awkwardly.
"What was that? Y/N’S a weirdo~!" A girl sitting in front of you suddenly teased you once more.
You were once again on the brink of tears when the transfer student suddenly greeted you.
"Hi~!"
"H-huh?" Words suddenly so hard to come out of your mouth.
"The teacher said, I'd be your seatmate for the rest of the school year." He gladly said showing his bright smile to you once more. But in both awkwardness and shyness, you couldn't answer him. Instead, you chose ignore him and faced the other way.
/"Hey, Y/N, let's go eat lunch together."
/"Y/N, I bought the magazine I told you about."
/"Ya~Ya~ Y/N, why is your hair so long?"
He both annoyed and teased you; you couldn't help yourrself but to hate him.
“Hahaha, that's so weird!" you laughed aloud at your older brother as he tried to bathe his poor dog.
"Sh-shut up, you haven't even washed your hair for 3 straight days." He said as he struggled on his dog.
"Hyunnie, it’s Christmas break, let me be. I feel so lazy washing my hair." You once again laughed.
"Waah, so Y/N doesn't wash her hair?" You heard a familiar guy behind you. You instantly froze and couldn't face the guy. 'Please don't let it be him' you silently wished.
"Myeongie. Perfect timing, I really really need your help." Hyungu said that made you want to burry yourself 6 ft. below the ground.
...and that whole day, you couldn’t even bring yourself to come out of your house, no, your bedroom because of embarrassment.
"There, all done." You heard Hyungu shout downstairs, to which you sighed relief to.
"Haha, thank you, really Myeongie.” You heard Hyungu laugh.
"That's ok, Hyung. By the way, where's Y/N? I haven't seen her come out ever since I arrived." You heard him say to which you froze.
"Haha, that brat? She's upstairs, probably on suicidal stage because of embarrassment." Your older brother joked.
"Haha, why? I find it cute though." Myeongie said that made you blush.
‘No, no. Y/N, you should stop eavesdropping now.' you convinced herself as you decided to continue reading Kimi Ni Todoke.
Later that night, you heard Hyungu knock on your door. You lazily opened it, and got back to your comfy bed.
"What is it?" you said, now back on your phone.
"Myeongi said he wanted to you to be his History partner for your upcoming reporting next month." He straightforwardly said, you almost couldn't believe what he actually said to you.
"Wha-what?" You said, now attention purely on him.
"I meant what I said." He coolly said, turning his back on you, as if he was Uchiha Sasuke or something. Probably on high mode again, you joked.
"Do it, if you don't want embarrassment befall you at school." He now said, to which you now doubt if he was truly her brother or was some kind of character he plays on some mobile games he lately became addicted to. "Or, you could try hearing my new compositions." He grinned from ear to ear. Now, that was your older brother, alright.
"Sure, sure." You laughed.
"..and Y/N? You’re older brother wasn't joking." Hyungu suddenly said taking you aback.
"O-ok..." You answered knowing full well you’re clearly defeated by both Hyungu and Dongmyeong at this point.
...little did you know that guy would change your, from a timid little girl to a hyperactive girl you really were. That Dongmyeong could actually bring out the real you in front of everyone. He was able to get that nervousness you get when meeting new people out your chest.
Though, behinds his playful antics, he had that beautiful talent you truly admire of; his singing. The first time he told you he was planning in joining the band Hyungu was forming, you laughed. And with laugh I mean, rolling on the floor laughing your heart out as your eyes starts to water due to laughing too much.
Yes, that's how you truly couldn't believe he could actually sing. Well, how could you? YOU’RE also cheerful and playful, but you couldn't sing. You COULDN'T even sing an actual song properly without someone (usually your circle of friends) laughing at you and force you to stop singing whenever they would sing in a karaoke. Heck, you can't even read notes properly like how your older brother does it. Well, you guessed, it was really as what they say—don’t just the book by it’s cover.
Actually, scratch that; you can't even read notes properly like how well your family does it. Yep, that's right, you grew up in a family loving music. Both your parents was in a band together when were in their school days. Even now, though your parents are now loyal servants of the law (your mother being a lawyer, and father being a respected police officer) they still can't deny their love for music.
Of course, your mother comforted you about your singing, saying some things like 'you ARE a great singer and just needs a little boost and practice to enhance your skills'. But, even though your mother told you that, you still couldn't possibly believe her words,
What? Just because your mother says your beautiful, doesn’t mean you really are.
Yeah, exactly, that's why your singing really helped you lower your self-esteem a little. Just a little bit. Just a teannie meannie little tiny bit, as you would jokingly say once Dongmyoeng asked you about it. After all, you can always use it as a joke to make your friends laugh.
...just like how Dongmyeong would always make you laugh; through his silly personality. He would always make sure your happy and smiling.
"And now, we will be picking the top 2." you heard BoA say through Yerim watching PD101s2 on your smartphone.
You guys were now on your bedroom on a slumber party for Yerim’s cousin, Rima who will be transferring to the city to start anew as a trainee at a famous company.
"Is that Producing?" Rima said, as she walked over where Yerim was.
"PD101s2?!" Your eyes gleamed in delight at the thought of seeing your best friend on TV--well not exactly TV as it is on the phone—reader, you get it-.-
"Ye-yeah..." Yerim said, avoiding your gaze.
And as you approached them, both Rima and you noticed Yerim slowly hiding your phone.
"What's wrong?" You asked your best friend.
"J-just..." Yerim said and averted her eyes from you.
"What suspense is this?! Just give it. It's hers anyway." Rima laughed and took Yerim phone from her cousin. However, as soon as she got a hold of it, she suddenly had the same expression as Yerim.
"Wh-what?" You laughed and took back your phone.
And as soon as you got a hold of the phone, you almost regretted taking it.
Scanning the people on the 60 chairs, you trembled and you could have swear your eyes were beginning to water.
'No, why is there no Dongmyeong?” you thought as you bit your lip, and lightly tapped your right foot in confusion on what to do.
Though, before you could think properly again, your feet suddenly moved on their own and took you to a route you—let’s just say, very familiar to.
...on your phone, you could hear BoA' words .
"Trainee Park Jihoon!"
Just giving you more energy than you needed to run.
-
"Son Residence"—It read.
You wasted no time and entered the house as if it was the most normal thing to do.
"Y/N?" Dongju called you from the kitchen.
Dongju was Dongmyeong’s twin brother.
You were no stranger from the family at all. The family treated you as their own, as you to them. You were like a family member that entering the house was like going home to your own. You wouldn't knock as has been so comfortable with the family.
"Dongju..." You greeted as you try to catch your breath.
"Well, this is a first..." his twin laughed as he continued, "You never visited this late at night before."
"Where’s Dongmyeong?" You asked as you tried to catch your breath.
"What are you talking about? He's still in P*j*, remember?" Dongju laughed as he accidentally glanced over the your phone, Park Jihoon saying his 'Thank You' speech.
Dongju’s expression changed and his voice turns into worry.
"He's upstairs." He said and looked upstairs to Dongju’s room in worry. You quickly thanked Dongju before you quickly ran upstairs to where his bedroom would be.
You knocked on his door three times.
*Knock*Knock*Knock*
There was no response; instead, you heard the noise of his TV inside.
"National Producers, please take care of us~" you heard the whole trainees said.
Scare and worry surrounds you as thoughts of Dongmyeong probably committing suicide got the better of her. All possible scenarios on your mind.
And with that in mind, you quickly opened his door, thanking the Gods it wasn't locked.
"Dongmyeong!” You shouted as you opened the door.
When you opened the door, fear filled your at the thoughts that your fears might come true.
Darkness filled his bedroom, the only source of light being his TV as IP101s2 plays. Dongmyeong was on his bed, sitting half of his body laid sideways, watching Producing with life seemingly have left his eyes.
“Dongmyeong!” you once more yelled as you approached him.
“Ah! Y/N~” he greeted you with a smile. READ: tried to smile.
“I-I thought you were trying to kill yourself.” You said in between her heavy breathing, as she slowly walked towards him.
“Me? Committing suicide? Why would I do that?” he laughed like his usual self. But that smile quickly dropped when he saw your phone playing and quickly pulled you by the waist and hugged your whilst he sits, burying his face on your tummy.
He’s actions surely puzzled you, but you quickly shrugged it off and tried to comfort him, hugging him back at the process.
“When did you come back? Why didn’t you inform me?” you suddenly bursted. As far as you knew, only the eliminated trainees are allowed to come back home. In addition, it hadn’t been clearly stated from the program that he had been eliminated. So, why? Why would her best friend hide this important thing from her?
“Geez! One question at a time!” he laughed, still hugging you. “I like hugging you like this~~” he sighed, almost feeling contented.
As much as you love him being a cutie, you shouldn’t at this moment. You weren’t having any of this uwu, when you clearly know he was just trying to change the topic.
“Dongmyeong!”
Dongmyeong was acting like his usual self again. However, that smile quickly dropped when he saw his best friend’s phone.
“So you’ve watched it?” he now laughed awkwardly as he averted his eyes from you.
You knew this look too well. Regret, sadness, and…guilt. Dongmyeong was never like this, well at least not in front of everyone. So far aside from you and his twin, no one saw him like this, Dongmyeong told her once after he failed the music class he loves so much, due to bribery at his middle school. Of course, You saw him a couple of times like this too, even before they were in middle school. But this time, it’s a little different.
“I’m sorry, I failed you.” He said bitterly as he looked down, seeing his still injured leg. He got it after getting injured recording the music video for the show’s theme song, ‘Nayana’. Even though he only got the rank F for his lack of dancing skills, he tried his best in dancing the theme song. Even though he didn’t get as much screen time as the center, he tried his best in dancing. And the result? He’s injured leg. He danced too much, that he accidentally gained a very bad injury.
“Failed?” you said as you pulled away from his hug and held his chin upwards making him look up your way.
You hated seeing him like this. Blaming himself for everything when he clearly didn’t do anything wrong.
“Hey, listen to me, Myeongie.” You said as he looked at him in the eyes. “It wasn’t your fault, you got eliminated. You did your best in all of the missions given. You were amazing out there.” You continued, finally letting the pride go for your friend. You said the compliments you’d rather die than let him know of.
“Y/N, but I still failed! I failed you, my family…” he trailed as he hugged you as how he hug you earlier. “I failed MAS.” He self-pitied.
“Who cares? Who cares if you failed? Dongmyeong, you almost lost your leg just to chase that stupid dream of yours!” you also started crying.
“Hey! It’s not a stupid dream!” he retorted.
“Not stupid?! You even tried to dance, Dongmyeong! Everybody in class knows you can’t dance, yet you still went there; just to promote MAS!” you yelled that made the lad wide-eyed. “You don’t know how worried I was when you left. How much I wanted you not going there. I didn’t want you to go. F*ck, I didn’t even know how long you were going to be there! But, all for that dream, that dream…” you paused, droplets of tears forming. “If I had known this would happen, I should’ve stopped you…” you now cried, making you surprised. Suddenly, she heard Dongmyeong burst out laughing.
“What? Why?” you asked completely puzzled.
Dongmeong suddenly pulled you closer and hugged you tighter, trying to hide his face. READ: blushing face.
But all of a sudden, he stopped laughing and look sideways, his face still not clear because of the dark surroundings. But thanks to the light the TV radiated, you could make his face clear. His happy face and his ears gleaming red.
“W-what?” you stuttered, suddenly embarrassed of your actions. Dongmyeong once again buried his face on your stomach, this time around, added to your embarrassed.
“S-stop! If your laughing at my belly—ugh!” You blushed. Well, you couldn’t deny it. You certainly have belly fats, but you swear it’s not that big.
“What should I do?” Dongmyeong suddenly said and looked up at you, he’s face now clear red.
“What?” You answered confused, now blushing at how cute Dongmyeong looked.
“My heart’s beating so fast for you, right now.” You confessed as he once again buried his face on your stomach as he pulled you closer into a tight hug.
“Dongmyeong?” You say his name out of confusion. Though you already got a clue on what he meant, but without much knowledge, you couldn’t do anything, but to wish it were true. Because if it is, you’d gladly say you felt the same. Not for the 2 months that he was gone, not the years of being with him, but for the eternity of being with him, as cliché as it may sound.
‘On the other hand, why would he even like me?’ You thought.
“I love you, Y/N. But with what you’re doing right now, I might fall even harder.” Dongmyeong confessed, his face flushed. “Stop it.” He even added as his face became even redder if that’s even possible.
“Prove it.” You were so dumbfounded, you couldn’t even find any words to say. You only muttered the actress’s line that you heard on an advertisement on Dongmyeong’s TV that was left on throughout the conversation.
Though you said those words without thinking, you almost regretted saying it. READ: almost.
Dongmyeong suddenly put his hands behind your neck, moving you closer to him and kissed you.
Because of the great shock, you couldn’t move or do anything. You couldn’t even kiss him back.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…” He quickly apologized when he pulled away from you and you didn’t kiss him back.
“Why are you sorry?” Suddenly, a wave of esteem rushed towards you and started teasing him.
“You don’t love me back, and I kissed you.” He awkwardly answered you, avoiding eye contact as he slowly let go of your waist and kept his hands to himself.
“And what makes you think that?” You said as he stuttered once more.
“U-uh…” he tried to answer but words don’t seem to come out of his mouth.
It was as if he became mute in front of you. As a result, you couldn’t take his cuteness and couldn’t stop teasing him. So, you brought your face close to him, and without any second waiting; kissed him.
~OMAKE~
Exhausted because of all the crying, you couldn’t fight your sleepiness and fell asleep on Dongmyeong’s bed. Though you were now on dreamland, Dongmyeong still couldn’t get a blink of sleep because of the confession that happened a while ago. His gaze on you, full of love as he adjusts your bangs to see a better view of your pretty face.
Unconsciously, Dongmyeong started replaying the events of that night. He couldn’t believe it and it only made his smile get bigger, his cute dimples pretty visible at this point.
“I-I thought you were trying to kill yourself.”
Dongmyeong suddenly remembered what you said a while ago, and it only made him fall even harder.
Flashback (5 Years Ago)
“Y/N, stop that noise this instant!” You heard one of your classmate yell one time they were on cleaning duty.
You didn’t even know what you did. You were only singing—oh right, many people hated your singing.
You smiled to yourrself, trying to forget how hurt you felt at that time. You laughed, not showing how hurt you felt. Or more like you didn’t want to show how embarrassed you were that time.
While laughing it out, you and your classmates suddenly heard a pretty voice at the back. It was pretty visible by their expressions that almost all of them was surprised. It was Dongmyeong, singing soulfully as ever.
“You should sing like Dongmyeong, here.” One classmate laughed.
“Aren’t you two like super friends? Why don’t you learn from him?” another girl laughed.
Now, you were truly embarrassed. You were now being compared with someone who could sing. Like they would do to you and your older brother. And now, you were being compared to her best friend, Dongmyeong?
-
“Hey, why don’t you try singing?” Dongmyeong said all of a sudden when you guys were going home together after the cleaning duties for the day.
The two of you, after the happenings during 3rd grade, gradually became close even to the point if going home together. It was with Hyungu at first, until he started middle school and was forced to take the bus to attend classes. Nothing like in elementary school where everything is in walking distance.
“W-what is that, all of a sudden?” You said, taken aback by his words.
“Just try it.” He smiled.
“I-I don’t want to.” You said, clearly embarrassed.
“Why not?” He said, pretending to be clueless.
“Are you mocking me?” You said in a deadpan tone. “Myeongie, seriously? You heard what those girls said, right? I’m bad at it.” You continued looking up at him silently cursing at how much he’d grown over a short span of months. Like last time she checked, she was taller than him! She could remember how she bullied Dongmyeong when the new school year started. And now, the guy’s grown inches! ‘Damn puberty!’ you thought.
“And you’re going to believe them?” You said that snapped you back to reality.
“I-I-uh…” You suddenly stuttered.
“I know you want to be an idol.” Dongmyeong suddenly bursted out, making you blush in embarrassment.
“Wh-what—“ You said, words doesn’t seem to form. “H-how?” You tried once more and thankfully said the key words.
“I saw you trying to dance AKB’S choreography.” You said, looking back at her grinning. As for you, your face was now burning hot.
“Wha-that’s baseless…” You tried to reason out.
“And KARA, SNSD, Wonder Girls…” He said confidently, your face getting deep shades of red. “And…should I add 2ne1′s I’m the best?” Dongmyeong continued teasing his best friend.
“Alright, alright! Now, so what?” You yelled in embarrassment.
“I’m saying, if you can’t sing in front of others, I will.” He said, making you stop and look up at him, dumfounded.
“W-what?”
“Hyung wants to form a band, right?” He also stopped.
“Uh-huh?”
“He invited me, months ago about this, but I just declined him.”
“What are you getting at?”
“I’m going to join him, and be famous for you.”
“What do you mean, for me?”
“I’ll be famous…and when that day comes…”
“will you accept my feelings?”
END OF FLASHBACK
Arranging your bangs, Dongmyeong kissed your forehead and looked at you lovingly.
“Idiot, why would I commit suicide, if you’re there. Why would I want to die, when I’m with you? I promise, I promise, I’ll be a star, a singer that you can be proud of calling yours. I promise, I’ll fulfill my promise.” Dongmyeong smiled at you lovingly.
But sudden a phone call interrupt his little admiration for you. It was from Hyungu again. It was Hyungu’s 10th call that evening and Dongmyeong knew fully well what this about. So to confirm things, he answered. No, it wasn’t about you. You had slept a couple of times in his house. This time, it was different.
“Hyung? Yeah, I’m joining The Unit…”
--/end?/--
||Guide to ONEWE||
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ThunderCats Roar - “Mandora - The Evil Chaser”
Co-Executive Producer: Victor Courtright
Supervising Producer: Nate Cash
Producer: Marly Halpern-Graser
Written by: Joan Ford
Teleplay by: Cait Raft
Directed by: George Kaprielian
MAN-DOOO-RAAAAAA!
The episode begins with Snarf and Lion-O catching butterflies in jars. Being the Lord of the ThunderCats, he knows very well that the act of catching butterflies requires the best of stealth, as he perfectly shows off.
Lion-O: Be careful, Snarf! Butterflies scare easy, so we have to be super-duper-duper quiet. (yelling) Ooh, butterflies, HOOOO!
See, the joke is that he's doing the exact opposite of what he said he was going to do. This is going to be a constant through the first half of the episode.
This act of butterfly catching gets interrupted when a huge pod lands on Earth, with voices calling out to pull the lever. Obviously, that must mean they were just scared little voices that just needed his help.
Lion-O: Scary voices, definitely scary voices...
Or, he can acknowledge that the voices are scary. He decides not to open the cage and let out all of the scary voices, and the rest of the episode is about him catching butterflies. No, of course not, the plot wouldn't advance if Lion-O didn't let all of those scary voices out by pulling a lever because those scary voices really wanted him to do that. As one of the space criminals tells him "thanks, hot stuff", he just waves his hand and says "you're welcoooome!" in a sing-song voice despite being literally steamrolled over by one of them.
But hey, maybe it was a mistake, and those people with the scary voices were just nice people that were mistakenly put in a jail cell. One person certainly doesn't agree, as that person makes a dramatic entrance on a flying motorcycle.
As the cool motorcycle person on the cool motorcycle makes a cool motorcycle landing, Lion-O widens his eyes so hard that it becomes 80% of his face. I didn't really want to screenshot that, so here's a screenshot of our titular character-of-the-week: Mandora, the evil chaser, a character from the original cartoon. In fact, this plot is actually a parody of her first episode, also named "Mandora The Evil Chaser", which also features the original Lion-O ignoring obvious danger signs and let loose a bunch of criminals from a prison pod. Being Roar, this is exaggerated for comedic effect, and they decide not to reference "curiosity killed the cat" here.
This exaggeration also applies to Mandora, who was a no-nonsense cop in the original. Roar turns her into a super serious cop with a scowl not too dissimilar to Judge Dredd. As Lion-O criticizes her way of showing her badge with her picture upside down, Mandora makes the correct assumption that this bumbling lion is behind the prison break and arrests him. Snarf brings out his weapons, including a chainsaw, and we can only wonder what would have happened if there wasn't a prime directive against fighting interplanetary cops.
Lion-O tries to defend himself from these accusations by saying he's an evil chaser too, bringing up that fights these guys called the Mutants that are 100% evil. As another space criminal runs out of the jail cell, Lion-O, still handcuffed, hops right on top of him. The criminal does explain that his only crime was tax evasion, and Lion-O considers letting him go because his crime was so minor, but Mandora tells him that getting in the way of streets getting funded.
Despite his unwillingness to capture that crook, his help with capturing that tax evader does convince Mandora that he's on the side of righteousness, though she does consider him an oaf.
Zooming into his very tiny brain reveals that he thinks "oaf" is an acronym for "officially awesome friend", and is overjoyed by the compliment. Mandora then gives him a badge, declaring him a "deputy oaf". She had that badge ready this whole time; it's possible this is a common occurrence for her. Considering the general silliness of everyone not named Tygra in this reboot, that's not too hard to believe.
In order to Mandora to not change her mind on how heroic he is, Lion-O has to prove his status as the deputy oaf by capturing all of those criminals he let free. I would say accidentally, but he called them "scary voices" and let them free anyway.
As Mandora and the oaf zoom past by on her bike, we see Molly Lava, the space criminal that called Lion-O "hot stuff", hiding behind a bush. Other than her possible attraction to Lion-O, which only seems to come up twice in this episode, she just looks like a tiny little rock monster that doesn't seem like much of a threat. This means that most of the episode is going to be about capturing this particular criminal. In fact, all of the other criminals are caught rather easily. How?
With a montage, of course, complete with a song that exposes the might that is Mandora. The action scenes do prove that, with Mandora swatting giant flies with giant flyswatters, zapping lake polluters clean, and fighting people with laser whips. It's pretty cool, and a good contrast to how little Lion-O helps out in this montage.
Sure, Lion-O does help out slightly in a few of the scenes, but for the most part, it's just him looking at Mandora in awe of her abilities and dancing various dances. Yes, this does include doing the Booty Scooty at the camera, but I feel like it's less offensive when he did it than when a certain other group of superheroes did it. For starters, I think Lion-O is supposed to be an adult here. Well, maybe. They could de-retcon that in the future.
After the montage, Mandora does at least show appreciation for Lion-O for making her job marginally easier, and that is actually an accomplishment. Definitely a back-handed compliment, though not an undeserved one, but Lion-O takes it with pride anyway.
Something has to ruin this somehow, and it's not just because he missed that one villain. One of the criminals informs Lion-O that he shouldn't take pride in being called an oaf, and asks him if it even knows what it means. After getting what looks like a Speak N Spell from Snarf, he finds out he's been called an uneducated, clumsy person. It's not wrong, but don't tell Lion-O that.
Mandora finds out she hasn't caught Molly Lava yet, and Lion-O suggests that it would be easy to catch that cute little thing. As anyone could predict, that little cute thing is the worst criminal of them all. It would be even more cliche if she decided to call her "the destroyer of worlds"...which is exactly what she does.
Because of his newfound knowledge of what an oaf is, Lion-O offers that if he captures the cute little thing, maybe Mandora can consider him something that isn't an oaf. As Mandora tries to explain that a deputy oaf couldn't possibly defeat the destroyer of worlds, Lion-O decides to commit grand theft cool motorcycle. But hey, maybe he might be able to capture that small little rock before she leaps into a volcano and become a monster worthy of being called a destroyer of worlds. That could totally make up for that!
Unfortunately for that handsome guy, Molly Lava ends up diving into that volcano. Worst of all, Mandora shows up and realizes what the oaf has indirectly done by not letting her use her own bike.
Lion-O tries to defeat Molly Lava at her full power in, I'm not going to lie, a really impressively animated and creative fight scene. Not only is he trying to show his heroism, he also wants to look good in front of his new idol. I also like the call back to the fight in Exodus, as he repeatedly makes his sword bigger as he realizes he needs more power to defeat her with his strategy of cutting those lava arms off of the lava monster. Sadly, he doesn't seem to realize cutting off Molly Lava's arms isn't doing anything.
Exclaiming himself as Lord of the ThunderCats and King of All Thunderians, Lion-O leaps right at the giant monster's mouth, getting ready to swing his sword right into the monster. Well, something went right into the monster. Or, rather, someone.
It's here where Mandora seemingly has a change of heart on that oaf. Mandora may have only seen him as an oaf, and he pretty much was an oaf, but in her heart, she knew he wasn't lying about being a king. A king that would sacrifice himself for his people, and, while he was a dummy, he was a very brave and apparently regal dummy. A lot of emphasis is put on the king part, as if to soften what is a complete 180 on her character.
She exclaims that she would shed a tear for this sacrifice, but she knows she can't cry when she's on duty. She then takes out her time card and swipes it so that she can go on a break. Or, in this case, a "cry time." Was this really a good time for a joke? Well, anyone could assume Lion-O would still be alive since the show would have to end prematurely, so it's not like we need to take this super seriously. Still, I'd say it works.
To avenge the fallen king, Mandora gets ready to fight, her music playing as if she's about to do something really cool. This all changes when Molly Lava starts getting a big bump on her head, as if someone was coming out from the inside.
Unfortunately for the people who judged this show as horrendous because of that teaser and that Teen Titans Go crossover that the ThunderCats Roar team had nothing to do with, it turns out Lion-O is okay, spinning his sword like a propeller right out of Molly Lava's gigantic lava body, with Molly Lava herself in tow.
In the end, thanks to his bravery, the deputy oaf gets promoted to officer oaf by Mandora. As she slowly walks towards Lion-O and stretches her arms out around Lion-O, he also gets something else, too...
...for grand theft flying motorcycle, hey, I wasn't too far off, he gets a mugshot. Lion-O is still smiling at this, though, because nothing phases him now, not even when Mandora spells his name wrong. One can't forget that all important hyphen.
How does it stack up?
At first, I thought this was going to be yet another Boggy Ben, where the animation is awesome, the music is awesome, but everything else is just "lol Lion-O is stupid" humor. This one also has some great animation and a pretty cool song, and I think the plot works pretty well.
This is as good as Prank Call, and I gave that a 5, so...
Next, Lion-O has to save the ocean.
← Working Grrrl 🐈 Dr. Dometone →
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Hey! I’m 17 and have never had any sex ed in my life. We had the abstinence talk and that’s it. Catholic school. But uh i have a boyfriend now, we’ve gone to third base, but I really know nothing about this? Like? I don’t even know where to begin I just need to know whatever the hell people need to know in sexual situations
Alrighty, BIG SISTER MODE ACTIVATED!!!
First thing’s first, the first time is a little rough. It is for everybody, regardless of how much sex ed was given. It’s 100% okay to be SUPER awkward while you figure out what feels good and what doesn’t. In fact, usually the first time can be a little painful.
If anything is painful, stop doing it. If it hurts, tell your partner to stop (and if they don’t listen, dump them then and there, that is a violation of you and you can consider it rape if they continue after you say stop). Pain is an indicator that you should slow down, usually because your body isn’t used to making its own lubricant.
Now, if you don’t know anything about your own anatomy (I’m assuming you’re female) check here: https://www.webmd.com/women/picture-of-the-vagina#1
It’s important to understand your own body as well as the male anatomy. The labia is the folded skin around the vagina. “The hymen is a thin membrane of tissue that surrounds and narrows the vaginal opening. It may be torn or ruptured by sexual activity or by exercise.” Tearing of the hymen has been considered the one sign outside of pregnancy of “losing your virginity”. The reality is it was probably torn by exercise or tampons long beforehand. Some girls don’t even develop the hymen. When it’s mentioned that a girl bleeds her first time, the hymen tearing is what they’re talking about, but with tampon usage today that rarely ever occurs.
I would like to assume you know this, but in case you don’t (I’ve known 30 year olds who didn’t): sex is what leads to pregnancy. The male’s balls are where sperm are created, the penis delivers that sperm into the vagina, and if it’s the right time of the month the sperm will make its way towards the ovaries to fertilize the egg. In the same cycle your period is on, also includes the time your body releases new eggs and you become fertile. I highly suggest downloading a period tracker/ ovulation calendar on your phone, as ovulation is when you’re at your highest risk of pregnancy.
Now, birth control: Birth control includes everything from ovulation tracking to condoms to actual birth control medication. I highly advise looking into birth control laws where you live. I know a lot of states now have it so that, at 17, you can get on birth control without parental permission or advisory (you don’t have to let your parents know that you went to planned parenthood and started BC). If that’s not an option, and you’re still concerned about telling your parents, consider requesting birth control to regulate your periods. It can significantly reduce period pain, keep periods on a steady schedule, clear up acne, and prevent some cancers. There’s a number of reasons you can ask for birth control without admitting to moving forward with your sex life.
Every man can fit into a condom, with a few conditions. First off, they need the correct base size, otherwise it can cut off circulation to their penis and be VERY uncomfortable for your partner. It is his responsibility to know his preferred condom size. If either of you is allergic to latex, there are latex-free condoms and latex free lube. It is both of your responsibility to make sure allergy needs are met. Because a condom can break due to friction, and your body won’t be making enough natural lubricant during your first few times, you’ll need to get some lube at the store. Certain types of lube can erode certain plastics, so check the packaging to make sure the lube is compatible with the condoms you’re using. It’s good to use a condom for both pregnancy and STD prevention. Even if there aren’t symptoms of STDs, a person may be a carrier without knowing. It’s always good to be safe.
Birth control medication includes the depo-provera shot (I am highly against this), the IUD (great, but expensive), the arm implant, and the pill (you NEED to be responsible with this one, but it is cheap and reliable). No one birth control is 100% effective, and there’s still a slight chance of pregnancy. That chance, however, goes from 50%+ to below 6%.
Depo: As I said above, I am highly against the shot. It has more bad side effects than good, can cause month-long periods, and long-term usage can result in infertillity, cancer, weakened joints, severe calcium deficiency, etc. Some women swear by it, because one shot lasts 3 months, but it’s been proven time and time again to be bad for your health and well being.
IUDs (Intrauterine devices) are the “T” shaped devices that are medically implanted in you’re uterus. The device delivers a slow release of pregnancy hormones, causing the uterus to close itself off. It also completely or mostly stops your period (depending on the device you get. One is made for virgins and only mostly-stops your period due to patients having pregnancy scares when they no longer had periods). IUDs are the most effective birth control, with almost no women getting pregnant while using them. They also last for years. One implant, years of birth control, and neither you nor your partner should feel it. The only downsides are the price (usually around $300-$500), and the chance of it moving. While this is rare, there are cases in which the IUD slips and digs into the uterus lining, causing internal damage, scar tissue, and possible infertility. Again, super rare, but it happens. Honestly, the price is the biggest problem for me.
Arm implants such as implanon and nexplanon are another form of a long-term implant. They last for years, slowly releasing hormones, but can also have some side effects and can be a tad expensive. People who don’t have reactions to these absolutely swear by them, but a number of people have a bad time with bruising and allergic reactions.
Then there’s the pill. The pill is the cheapest and oldest form of birth control. There are different types, but they essentially all provide the same thing: hormonal regulation of periods and pregnancy hormones to close off the uterus. If you can trust yourself to take the pill daily without missing it, this is the best option for you. It’s cheap (you can order it online for $20/month without insurance, https://www.prjktruby.com/ provides an online consultation with an online prescription). So long as you take it daily around the same time every day, it’s extremely effective (99%). If you miss a pill, start it when you aren’t on your period (up to the second week of usage), or are taking antibiotics, the effectiveness drops and you are at a slightly higher risk of pregnancy (the risk goes from 1% to about 6%). The pill has the multiple benefits I mentioned above, still allows you to have your period (resulting in fewer hormonal imbalances), and gives you control day-to-day. Another benefit of the pill is that if you DO get pregnant while on it, there are no ill-effects on the fetus. Other forms of birth control can cause birth defects or miscarriage should you get pregnant while on them, but the pill has absolutely no effects on the baby so long as you stop taking it before the second trimester (aka, just stop when you realize you’re pregnant and all’s guchi). This was an important tidbit to me in my choice, because while I don’t want a baby just yet, I also wouldn’t get an abortion if anything happened. It’s easier knowing that if I am in that 1% of women my baby won’t be disabled because of it.
Most women use both a form of birth control and condoms together if they want to fully avoid pregnancy while enjoying sex. I was okay with the risk because I trusted my then-boyfriend-now-husband to provide as a dad should I get pregnant. Ultimately the choice is up to you and your partner (because let’s be honest, your parents can’t stop you, and abstinence isn’t entirely reasonable).
On a side note, there’s the morning-after pill, plan B. I want to make it clear that this pill will throw off your hormones and seriously mess you up for a month. If you’re worried about pregnancy, this is an option, but it should only EVER be a plan B, and shouldn’t be relied on as a solution.
OKAY, NOW THAT THE SAFE SEX TALK IS DONE, let’s get into the gritty of it:
First, you mentioned you’re religious, or you’re at least raised religious. I’ve been there myself. You’re probably feeling the guilt of sex-before-marriage. It truly, honestly sucks, and I wish I could give you a hug. I want you to know, girl to girl, there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. Sex is normal. The Bible’s laws on sex were written in a time where you get married off as soon as you have your period. Of course, we don’t do that anymore, so a natural and beautiful body function is going ignored. If you want some religious backing on the beauty of sex-for-feeling-good vs sex-for-reproduction, I suggest the Song of Solomon. God made sex to be enjoyable. Nowhere is masturbation written as a sin. I will be the person to tell you it is okay to touch yourself to figure out what you enjoy.
Sex and masturbation will also help you sleep better, balance hormones, and in some cases fight depression. It’s very important for your health, and the more you do it the better it feels. When you have sex more commonly, your body will produce more natural lubrication, making the in-and-out easier by relieving the friction. That’s why the first time (and the first time in a while after a long break) can hurt without using bought lube.
A very sensitive spot for you will be the clitoris. This is the highest hole-looking bit that you can see, and should be very sensitive to touch. When we’re developing as fetuses, we all start ungendered. The clit is what would’ve become a penis had you developed as a male (it’s the same reason guys have nipples). For most women, stimulation to the clit is very important in reaching an orgasm (aka coming, the rush of endorphins and happy feelings while your body clenches up and tightens). Too much stimulation can be uncomfortable. Again, if it hurts, stop. A guy’s boner is not a medical condition and will go away on its own after a few minutes so long as he didn’t take a pill to start it up. IT IS NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO FINISH. IF IT HURTS, STOP.
Foreplay can help to avoid pain by getting you turned on and getting your body to kick out natural lubricants. This can involve touching, fingering, oral, or just rubbing yourself on his penis without sticking it in. Foreplay can be essential to making it feel good for both of you, and is up to you to experiment with.
Something that you should always keep in mind is that there is absolutely a difference between having sex to have sex and having sex to make love. If your partner is having sex just for the sex, it can leave you feeling used and unsatisfied. This could mean they finish before you (and aren’t willing to help you finish via fingering, oral, toys, etc), or just that they aren’t really doing anything to make you feel good. If the focus is on themselves, it can feel really dirty and crappy. The best way I can describe that feeling is that I felt as though my partner merely masturbated, replacing his hand with me. It feels awful, and you just want to shower and move on. Making love is different. With the right partner, both of you are in it to make the other person feel good. If one of you finishes first, you’re going to let the other finish as well. You feel connected, in love, the absolute closest you can ever be to another human being. Making love is a much more emotional experience. Since a woman’s chance of reaching an orgasm is based on her emotions, you’re more likely to orgasm making love than you are just doing it without the romance. Feeling comfortable is key to having a good experience, otherwise you will tighten up, produce less lubricant, and possibly chafe.
In the end, your experience with sex is up to you. Something that feels good for some people can be awful for you (for example, I hate giving oral but love receiving, my husband hates receiving blowjobs but loves giving oral. It’s a personal preference, and you should never feel bad for not liking something). If/when you feel comfortable with your partner, experiment with different positions, types of foreplay, etc. You’ll only get better with practice, patience, and love. Trust me, I started out AWFUL at sex. It was a bad experience for me, I hated it, and never felt satisfied. My now-husband, however, was more experienced, and I learned quickly. I experimented, and I learned exactly what to do with my own body. It took time, but now I love sex, it feels satisfying every time, and I’m actually excited to initiate it with the man I love. It is, and always will be, one of the closest and most intense moments you can share with another human being.
Don’t feel ashamed. Do your research. Find where your own heart stands. Everything will be okay.
And know that I will always turn on big sister mode and answer what questions I can.
#I completely assume you're a female here#if not I guess some of it is useful still#Sorry if I'm wrong
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Best Ancestry DNA test cost review
Best Ancestry DNA test cost review
Details for the DNA Comparison Chart
How much does each DNA test cost?
Family Tree DNA (FTDNA) is currently priced at $89, MyHeritage DNA has had their price set at $79 since they launched their test in November 2016 but their site shows the regular price is $99. We are unsure when this may go up. AncestryDNA’s cost is $99 and 23andMe who, in the past, charged $199 for genealogy and health information, now offers a genealogy only test for $99.
Prices are for US customers and do not include shipping charges, subscription fees for record research, or additional add-ons that may be available. Most providers also offer their services outside the USA, but prices vary.
DNA Sample Collection Type
Each testing provider uses one of two methods to take your DNA sample and neither require blood. Family Tree DNA and MyHeritage DNA both use a cheek swab method where the users gently scrapes the inside of their cheek. The swab is then placed in a vile and sealed. AncestryDNA and 23andMe use a saliva sample. Some people may have a hard time producing a saliva sample so this should be taken into consideration when deciding on which test to choose.
Processing Chip Used
Three of the companies, MyHeritage, Ancestry and FTDNA, use the Illumina OmniExpress chip and 23andMe uses the new Infinium® Global Screening Array chip from Illumina. The fact that all of the chips come from the same company may be confusing, leading some to believe that all tests are created equal. This is not the case. The chip used to process DNA samples is only one part of the process. Each company develops their own analysis of the results, references different population samples and provides different reports. In addition, each one of these DNA test providers offers different tools for you to analyze the data you receive, creating variations in results, accessibility and usefulness.
Admixture (Ancestry Makeup)
Admixture percentages are one of the biggest reasons people choose to have their DNA tested. This report attempts to accurately match your DNA with population samples from around the world to tell you where your ancestors came from. Each of these companies has strengths and weaknesses when it comes to this calculation, and in the reports it provides to users.
Unfortunately, the results from these reports are still far from being highly accurate or refined and results need to placed within the context of solid genealogical research, and further reading, comparisons and analysis, to be properly understood.
None of these tests will be able to perfectly pinpoint what country or countries your ancestors came from – but all will provide fairly accurate regions to explore. And while each test will tell you, for instance, if you have recent Native American ancestry, none can tell you what tribe or band those ancestors came from.
Finding small percentages of unexpected ethnicities may prove to be inaccurate upon further examination, and NOT finding traces of a certain group, such as Native American, may not necessarily prove that you do not have ancestors from that region or group. You can read more about that as it pertains to Native American research here. You can apply this statement to any ethnicity or region you might expect or hope to find in your results.
Even large percentages can be hopelessly misplaced (too much Scandinavian anyone?) so remember to combine your results with your research for the best results. Paired with your own solid paper trail, genetic information can be a huge help in growing, proving (or sometimes even disproving) parts of your tree. But it must be used wisely.
Still, it is fun see a visual and numerical representation of where your ancestors came from (generally speaking) and, although there are those who swear by one company or the other, all of these testing companies do a fairly decent job of giving you a report you can enjoy and use in your research. FTNDA recently updated to the much anticipated MyOrigins 2.0 and MyHeritage DNA just updated to their improved 42 population Ethnicity Estimate and offers a nicely detailed report.
You can also upload your DNA to MyHeritage for free to get this report and matches if you have tested elsewhere. FTDNA offers a similar option to upload for free to get DNA matches, but unlocking MyOrigins will cost you $19. Ancestry and 23andMe offer no upload option.
Of course, downloading your raw data and uploading it to GEDmatch for further analysis is highly recommended if you want to make sense of what you are seeing and get a much more detailed (and hopefully accurate) picture of your genetic past. We explain this below.
If you would like more help understanding ancestral reports you might consider taking our online course, which will walk you through all of the steps you need to take a DNA test for genealogy and analyze and understand your results.
Cousin Matching
Each one of these testing companies will provide you with a list of those people you are related to in their database, and we often refer to this as cousin matching. The database size, criteria for matching, responsiveness of matches and tools you need to make sense of these matches all vary greatly.
FTDNA has the most advanced tools for easily analyzing cousin matches as of now, although it is possible that MyHeritage DNA may catch up. They seem very eager to please customers at this point. FTDNA does fall short when it comes to the ability to sync with developed family trees however. This is certainly not intentional on their part, they have developed some great tools for this purpose, but FTDNA (unlike Ancestry and MyHeritage) does not provide record searches or an online family tree program for the purpose of genealogical research. For this reason they are inherently limited in this regard.
MyHeritage and Ancestry both provide ways to explore your DNA matches as they relate to your family tree, which is a lot of fun and can help you connect with family members and discover shared ancestors more quickly. See a further explanation below.
Size and Quality of the Database for Matching Relatives
AncestryDNA has the largest database to compare your results to when making matches, with 23andMe coming in second and FTDNA in fourth. MyHeritage DNA, although relatively new, is catching up fast and current numbers now surpass FTDNA. Current numbers can be seen in the chart above and are estimates based on available data. Each of these databases is growing, some of them quite rapidly.
Generally speaking, those people who have tested with FTDNA, AncestryDNA or MyHeritage DNA have done so for genealogical purposes (even if it is only curiosity about their family’s past) so the response rate from contacted matches is fairly decent. Oftentimes matches are open to being contacted by relations and are eager to compare trees. This is, of course, not always the case, but we have found it to be true for the most part.
23andMe is a bit different in that many people have tested with their company for the health results and are not necessarily interested in genealogy or matching with relatives, even if they opted into this feature. That doesn’t mean you won’t get a good response when reaching out, but it may be less common than with the other testing companies. Recently 23andMe has been placing more focus on genealogical testing, however, so this is may be shifting.
Data from all four testing companies can be uploaded to GEDmatch for additional comparisons.
Family Tree Integration and Additional Costs
FTDNA has, by far, the most advanced tools built in for easily analyzing cousin matches and it does have a family tree feature that has been recently improved, but most people have not taken advantage of this feature and the family trees found on FTDNA are, when present, generally underdeveloped. However, because FTDNA also provides a host of advanced featured that can provide invaluable data to dedicated researchers their cousin matching system still stands apart from the crowd, drawing in those who are interested in more deeply analyzing their results.
Both MyHeritage DNA and AncestryDNA have countless pedigrees built into their system already and your DNA results can help you make connections with these trees – but the tools required to make this happen may cost you and the results are not to be taken at face value.
Ancestry offers cousin matches for free as part of your DNA purchase but charges an additional monthly fee for access to its trees and some additional features. They recently added Genetic Communities and have numerous other features to help you connect via your tree to genetic matches. This makes research very easy for those who are already using Ancestry and are holding a paid subscription.
MyHeritage shows cousin matches as part of your DNA purchase for free and has some really wonderful tools to connect your research to your DNA matches. Using smart matching features to see how your tree is connected to others, and adding records you discover this way, may cost an additional monthly fee however. Still, MyHeritage is generally less expensive than Ancestry. You can also try their record collections for free here.
23andMe no longer offers any sort of tree service. They have worked with MyHeritage in the past to provide this service but that relationship is no longer active.
GEDCOM Upload
Family Tree DNA, MyHeritage DNA and AncestryDNA all allow uploads of GEDCOMs, and for MyHeritage and Ancestry these trees are the same as would be used for genealogical research. 23andMe does not offer a tree and, therefore, does not allow uploads of family tree data.
Chromosome Browser
FTDNA is currently the only company to offer an advanced and full featured chromosome browser (the ability to analyze your results and compare matches by chromosome). 23andMe does offer a more limited version and MyHeritage DNA states that they will add one soon. Ancestry does not offer this service at all.
Allows Raw DNA Download
Yes, each company allows you to download your raw data to be used elsewhere.
Accepted by GEDmatch
GEDmatch is a service where anyone with raw DNA data can upload it, see a list of cousin matches and use a powerful selection of advanced tools to analyze their data. The service is free and powered by donations (extra tools are provided to those that donate). From parental phasing and triangulation, to a variety of admixture calculators and a robust database of people from all testing companies, GEDmatch is the best place to go to explore your genetic data in detail. The system accepts raw data from any one of the main testing companies and has a proven track record of properly managing user information.
Health Insights
Only 23andMe provides health insights when testing, and only if you choose their Health + Ancestry Service for $199. Data from all four companies is compatible with Promethease, however, and the cost is $5. See their site for more information.
Known Privacy Concerns
It is very important that you take the time to read the privacy policy, terms and conditions and consent forms associated with any DNA test you take or any site you choose to upload your data to. While FTDNA has a proven track record of protecting the privacy of its users, there have been serious concerns over how AncestryDNA and 23andMe have used data in the past, as well as how they may use or sell your data in the future. Please read this article from Roberta Estes for more information on this issue. MyHeritage states that their consent form (that would allow sharing or selling of your results in aggregated data) is optional. You can read more about that on The Legal Genealogist, who compliments MyHeritage DNA on their policy and openness.
Ongoing Costs
FTDNA has no additional costs associated with testing, although they do offer a variety of additional tests that you may want to explore.
23andMe also has no additional costs, unless you decide to upgrade to add health results.
Both AncestryDNA and MyHeritage DNA either require additional memberships to take full advantage of some features (like tree matching) as discussed above. Neither require these ongoing subscriptions, but you may feel compelled to use these tools.
Also note that testing with any of these companies may cause a bad case of GGTA (genetic genealogy testing addiction) which may occur once you get your results back and realize that testing your entire family would be both fun and a great addition to your research. GGTA can get very expensive.
Additional Tests Available
FTDNA offers YDNA and mtDNA tests and 23andMe offers a health report. Neither MyHeritage DNA or AncestryDNA offers additional tests at this time.
Average Time to Get Your DNA Test Results
Every company on this list promises test results in 6-8 weeks after they receive a sample, except for MyHeritage DNA which claims 3-4 weeks. This can vary however and is influenced by demand and other factors. It is generally a good rule of thumb to anticipate that it will take 2-3 months for results once you order a test. This accounts for the time it takes for you (or your recipient) to receive the test, provide a sample, mail it back and for processing of your results.
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How I Whiten My Teeth At Home
Lately more than ever, I have been receiving frequent compliments on my teeth. “Chiyo, you have such white teeth!” “Do you whiten them?” “How do you keep your teeth white when you drink so much coffee?” I think this question has stumped me the most, because I don’t even understand how that’s remotely possible with all the coffee I drink LMAO.
I never really use to get comments on my teeth up until now! Which actually makes me feel accomplished, because it means that the regime I’ve been keeping up with is WORKING!
And today, in this blog post, I’m gonna share with you that regime and some other tips and tricks I utilize in order to attain pearly whites and keep ‘em that way.
If you wanna know the secrets I take to get a gleaming smile IRL, keep reading!♡
Tip #1: Brush Like You MEAN it
If there’s one obvious step to maintaining white teeth, it’s…brushing your teeth. DUH! I ain’t gotta be your dentist to tell you that; you should be doing that anyways! And I’m not just talking about when you wake up in the morning to get rid of your stank breath. I’m talking about as much as you can! I noticed that when I brush my teeth for more than twice in the day, my teeth look SO much whiter than when I only would brush in the mornings. Here’s what I do: If I’m not wearing any makeup then I brush three times a day- in the morning, in the afternoon, and at night. However, if I am wearing makeup, then I only brush in the mornings and at nighttime.
When you brush your teeth, make sure you’re brushing for at LEAST two minutes. It may feel like a long time at first if you don’t usually brush for that long. What I like to do to pass the time while I brush is watch YouTube videos on my phone 😊. My bathroom has a miniature timer in it that is automatically set to two minutes- all I have to do is press start. You can get one from the 99 Cent store! If you don’t have a separate timer for the bathroom, just use your phone! Back when my dental hygiene wasn’t that important to me, I would brush my teeth for like 20 seconds and then go on with my day. No wonder I had yellow teeth SMH. Now that I brush for two full minutes, my teeth look so damn good. The amount of time you spend brushing your teeth really does matter. So does the toothpaste you use!
I use Colgate Optic White toothpaste to brush my teeth. I swear this toothpaste works wonders. It does a fantastic job at keeping my teeth up to their standards. Just as I said earlier, I use it to brush my teeth 2-3 times a day, for two solid minutes each brush. If you’re not up to par with your brushing regime, this tip alone will show improvement within two consistent weeks!
Tip #2: Use a Whitening Mouthwash
I noticed the most healthiest looking improvement with the shade of my teeth after I started using a mouthwash with whitening effects. The mouthwash I primarily use is the Listerine Healthy White “Vibrant” Mouthwash. Listerine has multiple whitening qualities, but the “vibrant” one is the most effective for me.
I pour the liquid into the black cap and swish it around my mouth for 60 seconds and I use it every single time that I brush my teeth! Within 5 days of usage I notice that my teeth have like a beaming, glowing effect? It’s so pretty 😍
I will add that using this alone will NOT whiten your teeth. It will just make the shade of your teeth look more vibrant and glowy. So, if your teeth are yellow and you use this mouthwash, your teeth will be a beaming yellow. I’m not even kidding. I started using this mouthwash back when I was only brushing once a day for 20 seconds and drinking coffee like water. It turned my bland yellow teeth into glowing yellow teeth. LMAO, this is why it’s important to keep up with your brushing!! If you want beaming white teeth rather than beaming yellow teeth, you have to be adamant about brushing properly. Using this solely as a method to compensate for poor brushing will not work in whitening your teeth efficiently.
Another product that works in whitening your teeth is….(drumroll please)
COCONUT OIL!
I know, I know… you’re probably thinking, “damn, what can’t coconut oil do?!”
My roommate actually introduced me to this method! It’s called oil pulling. Coconut oil acts as a natural, slimy barrier at protecting your teeth. Not only is it great for whitening your teeth by protecting it from substances that turn them yellow over time (like coffee and soda), but it’s also great for rinsing bacteria and other nasty germs from your mouth. After I floss, I take a spoonful of it (when it’s liquefied) and swish it around my mouth for 60 seconds and then spit it out. This will feel so weird at first, but you will eventually become accustomed to the sensation over time as you continue to do it. If your coconut oil is solidified, you can run it under hot water for about 2 minutes to heat it up, and then take a spoonful to the mouth. After a month of using this method, my teeth no longer looked yellow! If you don’t want to go out and buy a whitening mouthwash, coconut oil is a great alternative. It really is the goat.
Tip #3: Drink Caffeinated Liquids with a Straw
The number one source behind my teeth turning yellow is due to the fact that I am an avid coffee drinker. And if you are also an avid coffee drinker like me, then you know how this divine beverage comes at a cost of yellowing your teeth. The same goes with tea, soda, energy drinks, and any other caffeinated beverage. So one trick I learned to avoid turning your teeth yellow while drinking your caffeinated beverage? Drinking it through a straw!
When you drink coffee through a straw, you’re allowing the coffee to shoot straight to the back of your mouth, past your teeth. You may initially find it odd, but once you make it routine, you can finally kiss those stubborn caffeine stains goodbye! (Unless you’re one of those people who enjoys swishing the beverage around in your mouth….yeah idk how to help ya there, sorry.)
Tip #4: Use Whitening Strips Occasionally
I do use Crest Whitening Strips to whiten my teeth, but I do so sparingly. I personally only use whitening strips every three months or so. Not only are they on the pricey side (usually $50+ a box), but using them too frequently can cause tooth sensitivity and weaker enamels, meaning that they thin your teeth down over time. That’s a problem! Although they do produce immediate effects upon consistent usage, I wouldn’t recommend using them too often to avoid tooth damage. After all, in the long run- how can you whiten teeth that you don’t have?! It’s important to be smart about your dental hygiene and take care of your teeth without sacrificing their health. Whitening strips are effective, but I suggest using them once in a while rather than on a daily basis.
Tip #5: Change Your Toothbrush Often
How effective would it be to continuously use the same toothbrush you’ve been using since you were 12? First of all, eww, and second of all- how worn down are the bristles on your brush?? When you brush your teeth over time, the bristles on your brush become frayed, sporadic, weak, and lose their overall stiffness. Not only does this make it harder for your teeth to be brushed effectively, but your brush becomes filthy with all kinds of bacteria built up and unable to be washed out. And then you’re using that to brush your teeth… ironic right? If your toothbrush looks like this:
Then it’s time for you to get a new one hun! You should be changing your toothbrush every 2 to 3 months. The newer your toothbrush, the more effective it is at scrubbing off stains AND grime.
And those are my five trustworthy, effective tips on how I achieve and maintain whiter teeth! I brush extensively, I rinse with whitening mouthwash and/or coconut oil, I drink my coffee through a straw, I use whitening strips here and there, and I change my toothbrush when it’s time. When you incorporate these five tips into your dental routine and are consistent with them, you’ll have a whiter smile in no time. Happy whitening! ♡
Got something to say about this post? Leave it here and I’ll get back to ya ASAP!
~xoxo, Chiyo 💋
#The beauty bunny#white teeth#teeth#smile#teeth whitening#whiten teeth#crest whitening strips#crest#colgate#colgate optic white#beautiful#beauty#makeup#beautiful smile#straight teeth#dental hygiene#beauty blog#beauty guru#mua#makeup artist#supermodel#attraction#sexy#attractiveness#toothbrush#toothpaste#brush your teeth#dental care#coffee#coconut oil
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On my face as an emoji:
It’s been a while since I posted something besides a poem. Maybe poetry is the easy way out sometimes. Fragmented jotted down in random order according to whatever melody might be in your head. It’s more free-flowing. Writing longer thoughts down has been difficult lately and I’m not really sure why. Lack of focus, maybe? Scattered attention, possibly? I’m as close to figuring it out as you might be.
This year is going by really fast, that much is clear. It can be hard not to think about how quickly time is passing by. How quickly life is passing by. I still feel a little stationary like I’m in desperate need of a big change. I’m watching a lot of other people undergo change, which makes me feel like I need something that drastic, as well. I was watching an HBO special the other day called “The Defiant Ones”, which follows the intersection of producer/mogul Jimmy Iovine and producer/rapper Dr. Dre from the N.W.A. days until the Apple/Beats partnership. The special was pretty interesting as most music mini-docs/mini series’ are. Jimmy Iovine talks at one point about the importance of having blinders on. In context, he’s speaking on this time in his life where he was making moves so quickly with so many people and how well he was doing. In horse racing, the horses keep the blinders on so they can’t look at the competition to the side or behind them. I couldn’t help but relate it to real life too. It can be so difficult sometimes to not compare my own progress with that of someone else and in addition, I’m not even in the situation where I feel like blinders would do me good. I’m not moving so fast and doing so well that I need to remind myself to not look to the side of me or behind me, but instead I feel like the horse in the back who hasn’t elevated his game enough to put the blinders on in the first place. I’m not leading any race.
I can’t help but think about whether or not I’m managing my time wisely enough. I’m still trying to figure out if I’m wasting too much of it on bullshit. I think I know the answer. My dad asked me the other day what I was reading. I think I avoided the question. Besides an article here or an article there, I’m not reading too much of anything, and I can tell. My words avoiding me. Circular thoughts. My brain doesn’t seem like it’s evolving very much. I don’t think I’m getting any smarter. I’m not reading enough plays. I’m not reading any books. It’s hard to make it through a day without asking myself, “What the fuck are you doing?” I can barely look anyone in the eyes anymore. That part really fucks me up.
I’m getting better and better at talking and getting shittier and shittier at following through. I’m embarrassing myself. I fear reaching out to talk to people because I hate being asked the question “How are things going?”, “What have you been up to?”, “Anything new in your life?”
No, no, and no.
I think I miss home.
Then again, I don’t miss all of it. I just really miss the people there.
In “The Defiant Ones,” there is also a moment where someone—Jimmy’s sister or friend or something—is talking about Jimmy’s vision; how he would stop at nothing to make sure the world saw what he saw. That feels like it’s been a theme in my life lately, too. It could be that I’m bitter and angry and moody that I’m having trouble sinking my teeth into the work of others. I don’t why plays aren’t capturing me right now. Why literature isn’t doing it for me. Why 99 percent of sports doesn’t feel exciting. That usually is followed with, “I swear I could make better shit than all of these people.” Then I realize that I look like a bum when I say something like that and I have nothing to show for it. A bum.
This AC is blowing cool air into this hot room. This bed’s sheet is in disarray, but it kind of looks like two arms trying to pull me in. The water was shut off for some reason. Something about the tubes being changed. When it’s 85
de-fucking-grees outside. Nice. Ah, red bed. Red bed with the one sheet. Why do you treat me so well? Comfort me so nice?
Is it your soft touch? The way you calm my nerves? Whisper sweet nothings in my ears Tell me everything is gonna be ok and wake me up the next day showing me the gift of life is right there in front of me?
Maybe it’s the way you keep me warm from the cold and keep me snug when it’s chill caress me when I want someone and remind me that I have someone…
You keep my body intact even when I neglect you and treat you poorly don’t give you the attention you deserve
You kick me out when the sun shows up caress me in after the sun comes down make me forget I’ve made mistakes and shut my eyes when I dwell too much
I love you red bed red bed with the one sheet sometimes I wish I could spend a whole week with you move only for you move only with you watch life pass me by and stay with me while I disconnect
You beckon me to come towards you I think you can sense that the time’s come
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The Ice Guru in Brooklyn
The Cortex Is the Enemy
Greenpoint is a historically working-class Brooklyn neighborhood full of industrial buildings. In the last two decades these have been turned into lofts with skyline views, and skyscrapers are going up, and there are waterfront parks and coffee shops adjacent to other coffee shops. The old pencil factory is condos. The old rope factory is an event space. Along with adjacent Williamsburg—which now has an Apple Store, a Whole Foods, and an Equinox all on the same block—Greenpoint has become New York’s most rapidly gentrifying neighborhood.
In the heart of it is a 60,000-square-foot, glass-walled building called the Brooklyn Expo Center, which opened in 2014. It’s a single story with 24-foot ceilings. Inside on a Friday in May, roughly 400 people sat on the floor facing a makeshift stage. Above it was a screen that read, “We can do more than we think we can.”
On the stage stood a Dutch man in black shorts and a synthetic blue shirt. His grayish hair flopped as he paced. He looked somehow robust despite an absence of prominent musculature and a sort of convex abdomen. This was Wim Hof.
He is The Iceman.
“Depression, fear, pain, anxiety—you name it,” Hof’s voice boomed through the speakers. “We are able to get into any cell and change the chemistry. We are able to get into the DNA.”
Hof claims that people can address, prevent, and treat most any malady by focusing the mind to control the metabolic processes in their cells. For example, we can will our bodies to heat up in cold situations. He told the audience “we can beat cancer” by shutting down malignant cells. “I challenge any university in the world to test this out,” he roared.
For a four-hour seminar in The Wim Hof Method, attendees paid around $200. The ticket offered an opportunity to hear Hof speak and to perform his famous breathing exercises, and then to take a brief dip in an inflatable pool of ice water.
Almost the entire first half was Hof speaking extemporaneously, shoelessly. “You are the alchemist,” he said, gesturing out to the people, who sat rapt, mostly silent. “Nature is so merciless—but so righteous.”
This isn’t the exact sequence in which the aphorisms flowed. I wrote them down as quickly as I could, trying to follow. I wanted to know more about exactly how to focus one’s mind—to use “mind control,” in a way that would alter the metabolism of cells. We never entirely got there.
“It’s scientifically endorsed. It’s all in the books,” Hof said.
I barely had time to process one claim before he moved to the next, but if these claims are all in the books, that seems at odds with the challenge to the universities to study them.
“The cortex is the enemy,” he said. “That evil cortex needs to SHUT THE FUCK UP.”
Hof was energized, and his mouth was too close to the mic there. I worried about hearing damage for the audience. The people mostly just nodded or laughed. They were roughly 99 percent light-skinned and 90 percent men, 90 percent fit-looking, and 90 percent under 40.
They regard Wim with something not less than love. The program included a 45 minute break, and when it finally arrived, a crowd flocked to The Iceman. A line formed. At least one person was in tears as he hugged him. Most wanted a photo, and many wanted to pour out their personal stories to the man. Hof’s litany of meandering and sometimes fantastical claims seemed to have done nothing to alienate anyone.
That may be because Hof is irrefutably exceptional. And his refusal of physical and logical limits is itself the source of his appeal.
Hof during a performance to raise awareness of global warming in 2010 (Kin Cheung / AP)
The Iceman
Wim Hof’s curriculum vitae includes holding his breath for six minutes, running a marathon above the Arctic circle in only shorts, and achieving a Guinness world record for the longest ice bath (nearly two hours). Hence the name.
His book Becoming The Iceman describes Hof’s initial transformation from civilian to daredevil as, at least in part, a reaction to his wife’s 1995 suicide. Looking for control, he turned to his body. In ensuing years, a second transformation seems to have taken place, the journey of self-discovery turning into an ice-based lifestyle brand. Hof, based in Amsterdam, now travels the world spreading the word, peddling medicinal claims at seminars and guided cold-weather excursions.
The Hof family has built a business around packaging and distributing Wim’s ideas, and the idea of Wim. It’s called Innerfire, and it controls intellectual property for the Wim Hof Method, which is still primarily sold by way of an online video course that leads students through exercises in breathing and cold exposure.
The method has indeed been the subject of some scientific study. In Brooklyn, Hof referred multiple times to findings published in 2014 in Proceedings of the National Academies of Sciences. Twenty-four people were injected with E. coli endotoxin, and researchers tracked their immune responses. Half the people had previously spent 10 days going through Hof’s training, and the other half had not. The former fared better once injected with the toxin, showing more effective immune responses than the control group. This led the researchers to conclude that “through practicing techniques learned in a short-term training program, the sympathetic nervous system and immune system can indeed be voluntarily influenced.”
In other words, mind control.
In a related study, tests of Hof’s blood found exceptionally high levels of the stress hormone cortisol. This is generally not desirable in the long term, but researchers have theorized that it could be related to Hof’s ability to fight infections. Still the mechanisms and basis for many of Hof’s claims remain unstudied and even implausible, based primarily on anecdotes and extrapolations of The Iceman and his many followers.
Many among the Brooklyn event staff were volunteers, motivated by devotion to Hof and free attendance at the seminar. One told me he started the method because he’s training for the Navy SEALs, and that involves enduring cold temperatures. Another was ex-military and dealing with chronic pain and PTSD. Sometimes the breathing techniques make him lose consciousness. (This is listed as a side effect on Hof’s site, in bold, underlined font: “Never practice it before or during diving, driving, swimming, taking a bath or any other environment/place where it might be dangerous to faint.” There have been reported deaths among practitioners of the method while swimming.) The fainting happens when a person’s oxygen levels get low, and the system shuts down. This sometimes does the trick of clearing one’s mind.
Among the paying attendees was Brian Van Duyne, a 25-year-old from Long Island. He doesn’t consider himself an athlete. He got into Hof after he watched a Vice documentary. It started with an innocent curiosity: “Who’s this crazy guy running in boxers along glaciers?” But Van Duyne’s interest got real after a family member of his was diagnosed with cancer. He started doing the breathing exercises—mostly long, conscious exhales—and taking cold showers. As he put it to me, speaking of cancer, “Anything that can limit my chances.”
Several hundred people sat on the Brooklyn Expo Center’s floor to listen to Hof speak. (James Hamblin)
The Power of Conscious Breathing
After the lecture at the Brooklyn seminar, everyone was invited to lie down. This was the first of two interactive portions of the afternoon. The breathing was about to begin.
Hof explained, “Breathing exercises produce brain waves.”
He asked for music to be turned on, a song he loved. Through the speakers came a cut from Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon, “Breathe.”
Breathe, breathe in the air, Don't be afraid to care, Leave but don't leave me, Look around, choose your own ground
“If you’re depressed, go breathing,” Hof said. “Make some dopamine. You don’t have to go to a doctor.”
People lay down and closed their eyes. Hof directed: “In. Out. In. Out.” The commands accelerated and descended into guttural yells. When the song ended, other tracks from Dark Side played, which made less sense lyrically. At some point someone put it back to “Breathe.” The intensity of the leader’s calls and the psychedelic rock and the people lying prone, their chests rising in unison, was a lot to take in. There was about a half hour of breathing. By the end most people looked dazed, and everyone told me they felt amazing. I saw no one lose consciousness.
A less intense DIY version of the breathing regimen goes something like this: Inhale deeply from the diaphragm, then exhale slowly and fully. Repeat. After 30 or so breaths, hold on exhalation until you experience a clear need to breathe. Then inhale deeply and hold that breath as well, but only for about 10 seconds.
Many high-performing athletes swear by this and similar methods both to boost performance and focus attention. Non-athletes use it as a tool in the quest for calm and mental clarity. Still others use it to ameliorate specific symptoms, or in an attempt to curb outbreaks of oral herpes.
A Skeptic Becomes a Disciple
Among the latter is Scott Carney, a journalist who has made a career of debunking bad science. He met Hof several years ago, expecting the story of a charlatan in need of exposure. Carney put it to me straight: “When I went to meet him, I thought he was full of shit and that he was going to get people killed.”
But then Hof and Carney ended up summiting Kilimanjaro together topless.
Carney went on to write a whole book about the experience: What Doesn’t Kill Us: How Freezing Water, Extreme Altitude and Environmental Conditioning Will Renew Our Lost Evolutionary Strength. It tells readers, “Exposure to cold helps reconfigure the cardiovascular system, combat autoimmune malfunctions, and is a pretty darned good method to simply lose weight.” Hof even wrote the foreword.
I was curious to hear from Carney how that metamorphosis happened. Was he won over by a charismatic leader?
“Well, first, I separate Wim from Wim’s organization,” said Carney, “because Innerfire is — it’s become more about the money than about, you know, breaking into your body and finding something really cool.” He describes commercial pressures on Hof as external—the man himself owns little more than a handful of t-shirts and would be fine to remain that way. I didn’t get to speak with Hof directly at the event and he was unavailable afterward, but Carney gave vivid accounts of spending prolonged periods with The Iceman: “Wim is nuts. You know this, right? He’s disorganized, he smells bad, and he talks nonsense about half the time. So, he’s a flawed individual. This is how I deal with it in the book. Despite all his flaws, he imparts a bit of knowledge that’s really special. And I think only a crazy person could have started doing that.”
But how do you reconcile faith in a person who’s saying things that are only partly true, even plainly not true?
“The hype comes from Wim glomming more and more claims onto what his method can do,” said Carney. “We don’t know it can cure cancer or kill bacteria. But for autoimmune disease, and with regard to metabolism, there’s a tremendous amount of evidence. That’s something I completely believe.”
Carney has experienced very real benefits. He’s convinced that after 20 minutes of breathing, he can do twice as many push-ups. He used to get canker sores “like constantly,” but not since starting the Wim Hof Method. He still does the breathing exercises every morning, as well as cold showers, and has no plans to stop.
This gets to the point that the Wim Hof Method isn’t really a method in any traditional sense. Method implies a systematic study with an end goal, whereas this is more a set of principles—basic concepts and a couple techniques—to be continued throughout life. Cold exposure is supposed to help people train themselves to suppress a fight-or-flight response, and holding one’s breath teaches an ability to suppress a reflex to gasp. Through these exercises, you’re meant to gain a sense of control over the body’s autonomic processes.
“You could probably train yourself, using these concepts, to stop your heart,” Carney said, not lightly. “But I don’t know if you’d want to. You could train yourself to hold your pee indefinitely.”
You really think that’s possible?
“Yeah, I do. You could maintain an erection as long as you wanted to. Anything where there’s an autonomic response that you have some control over, you can train yourself to take it to an extreme,” he said. “But just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should.”
“You Should Talk to Laird”
Hof isn’t the only living extremophile who harnesses this sort of focus. Nor is he the only evangelist of the effects of deliberate breathing and cold exposure.
Laird Hamilton is a legendary big-wave surfer known for death-defying rides. As the site Surfline put it, “There is no bigger set of balls in the universe than the pair in Laird Hamilton’s shorts. He continues to amaze humanity by putting himself in the most harrowing situations imaginable and emerging unscathed.”
Hamilton and Hof met several years ago, and the surfer became a vocal advocate of The Iceman—a self-described “warrior for his cause.” In 2016 Hamilton effused about the Wim Hof Method, “There’s not a person alive who wouldn’t benefit from this. Not only does it bring calmness to the spirit, but it has enhanced my performance, and I believe this is a tool I’ll be able to use in the future to combat sickness and disease.”
He still does regular ice baths year round and he believes in the health benefits. But the surfer and The Iceman have had a bit of a falling out, according to Carney, and it’s not unrelated to the fact that Hamilton is now doing his own workshops that involve ice baths and breathing exercises.
“The Making of the Iceman had a profound effect on me in my quest for, I would say, enlightenment,” Hamilton told me by phone. He has, like Hof, become a lifestyle brand—a sort of celebrity who practices medicine through media appearances, writing, videos, etc. If you live long enough, it seems, you become a lifestyle brand. While we spoke he was backstage at The View.
“I think a majority of people in the world have no conscious relationship to their breath,” he told me. I asked him if he would still consider himself a warrior for the Wim Hof cause, and he danced around that. “I think in that moment in time, I was enjoying that, and, I’m a warrior of any breath work, any type of consciousness brought to breath.”
Hamilton also said his own interest in ice pre-dates meeting Hof. “I always naturally craved ice,” he said. “Whenever I was near frozen lakes or rivers, I always went in them, since I was a kid it was an instinct. The cold is a teacher we’re drawn to. It may be because of an unconscious understanding that it benefits our health.”
There is sound science behind the idea that living in climate-controlled environments year-round affects human health, in ways good and bad. I’ve written about this before, including an adventure in wearing an ice vest and enduring a “cryotherapy” chamber, ultimately concluding that a healthy thermal environment doesn’t necessarily involve either of these things, but probably does mean spending a little more time away from the 70-ish-degree perfection so many of us have been trained to think we need in the office and at home.
There is some overlap between that idea and Hof’s more extreme message. But Hamilton plays down the uniqueness of the Wim Hof Method. He’s now more into tummo, a type of meditation that involves breathing exercises. “Wim’s technique is really a derivative of that,” said Hamilton. “I don’t know if Wim will ever say that. I would like him to say that.”
The unoriginality criticism has been raised before. Innerfire’s marketing sidesteps the matter, describing The Wim Hof Method as “similar to tummo meditation and pranayama. Yet it is something else entirely.”
Meanwhile Hamilton said his own seminars are not derived from Hof’s. His method is called XPT. A beautiful Instagram profile describes XPT as “a lifestyle system focused on breath, movement, and recovery methods.” As he clarified it to me, “XPT really is a lifestyle, and a holistic approach to health and wellness. Obviously breathing is a critical component of that. But so is diet. So are relationships. So is sport. Breath work and ice baths isn’t enough. There are all these spokes in the wheel. I spent time with Wim, but I think in the holistic approach to wellness, we’re way down the road from that.”
A crew readies the pools. (James Hamblin)
The Ongoing Quest for Adversity
The Brooklyn seminar was notably missing spokes in the health wheel. Any mention of nutrition was fleeting, and lunch was Mediterranean fare (hummus, falafel, a pile of pita bread, etc), nothing uniquely healthy. Attendees also sat the entire time—on the floor, no less. (I wasn’t sure if this was intentional. The website for the Brooklyn Expo Center doesn’t list the cost of renting 400 chairs.)
The only physical activity apart from the breathing was when everyone rose at the end and meandered out the glass doors onto the back patio. There were a handful of blue inflatable pools filled with ice. Everyone stripped down to the bathing suits they had been asked to wear. Some changed in the bathroom stalls. In groups of six or seven, they got into the pool for about a minute. Wim led his pool in singing, or sort of chanting, the chorus of “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” on repeat. Other pools joined in at different times, so the overall effect was discord.
People emerged from the pools, their pale white skin blotched with red. Everyone I talked to told me some variation on “it wasn’t that bad.” All said they felt somewhere on the spectrum of good to great. It was hard to get much insight, though conversation was difficult over the singing.
At points, Hof led the crowd into the chorus of “Who Let the Dogs Out.” The who-who-who’s were chest-rumbling grunts. And then back into “Somewhere Over the Rainbow.” No one rolled their eyes, or even really even hesitated to get into the pool. Many seemed to be more accepting of Hof not despite his absurdity, but because of it. A more cogent speaker may have drawn more scrutiny. More cohesive thought processes may have precluded all that he has been able to accomplish in the physical realm.
I didn’t get into the pool. I’ve been in ice water. It’s an experience that’s easy to replicate, cheaply. I don’t think all the excitement and euphoria on the patio was about that. It also wasn’t about physiological facts or research data everyone had just taken in. It seemed to be about getting close to this man who seems to have something figured out, and who makes everyone believe they can do more than they think they can. As Carney put it, “The way I deal with Wim is, I’m honest. I say there are some fucked up things about this. He makes claims that are nonsense. But if you squint your eyes, you can see the truth. It’s not quite as grand as he claims, but it’s pretty awesome.”
At 4 p.m, people dried off and looked around and realized that the program had concluded. They put their clothes back on and wandered back into the empty hall of the expo center and then out onto the street, mostly alone or in pairs, maybe a little more conscious of their breath, to find some way to experience adversity.
from Health News And Updates https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2017/06/brooklyn-ice-guru/529293/?utm_source=feed
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Premium Beat Blog.
Shooting interviews for your next video project? Follow these tips to make your interviewees comfortable and get the best results.
Conducting interviews for film, video, or television requires a nuanced skill set. Yes, strong technical knowledge is important so you can set-up, light, and record audio effectively. But the hallmark of a successful interview is the quality of footage and sound bites you get out of your interviewee.
How do you do it? You have to make your interviewee relaxed, comfortable, and confident — which is easier said than done. Here are seven tried-and-true ways to help you get the most out of your next interviewee.
1. Start Recording Audio Before Video
Production Tips: Making Your Interviewee Comfortable — Start Recording First tip: Start recording audio before you get picture lock. There’s no reason to let any potential audio go to waste. If you’re trying to make your interviewee comfortable off-the-bat, it doesn’t hurt to have that off-the-cuff audio available in case you need it in a pinch later.
Pro-tip: Use a wireless lapel mic on all interview shoots (even if you’re recording audio with a boom) to ensure you don’t miss anything.
2. Tell Them What You’re Looking For — and Why
From the moment your interviewee arrives on set to the moment they leave, your highest priority is to connect with them to make them feel comfortable. One great way to connect with your interviewee is to share information about yourself, the project, and the day’s specific shoot. Be upfront and honest and share your expectations for sound bites or emotional reactions.
Most importantly, share why you’re seeking this information so they can understand where you’re coming from. This helps them articulate their answers and talking points more clearly.
3. Give Hints in Your Questions
When asking your interview questions, it can be helpful to give “hints” about what you want to hear (especially if you’re working on a storyboarded project). 99 percent of the time, if your questions are specific and thought-out, you’ll hear your own talking points in the answer. Here’s an example:
Q: What about this event do you love? Is it the people, is it the venue, is it the location — anything like that?
A: Well, I love this event; it’s the people, the venue, the location — it’s just great!
(Author’s note: I know this sounds forced, but I swear, try it. If they don’t repeat the information point by point, they’ll at least mimic your tone.)
4. Make Them Smile
Some interviewees just seem perpetually uncomfortable. However, science has proved that people are more relaxed and engaged when they smile and laugh. Same goes for you as the interviewer: smile, laugh, and relax to put your interviewee at ease.
Pro-tip: If you can get a chuckle, then encourage them to keep smiling as they talk. It’s a well known radio-trick that broadcasters smile while they talk because it energizes their voices (and their nerves).
5. Get Them to Say Yes
Another psychological trick that you can use is to condition people to be more agreeable and open by simply getting them to say “Yes.” It’s a little manipulative, yes, but it’s for a good cause, right? See what I’m doing here?
Pro-tip: If you gather basic information about your interviewee, a good way to get them agreeing is by asking them to confirm basic things like their name, employer, job title, and address by asking yes-or-no questions. Remember, it feels good to say yes!
6. Free Their Hands (and Bodies)
Depending on your interview set-up, your interviewees may be sitting, standing, or moving around. Sitting stationary has its advantages for technical aspects like lighting, focus, and sound, but it can make your interviewee uncomfortable. People like to move around, especially when they talk.
If you have to keep your interviewee in one spot, encourage them to use their hands. It helps them emote and convey information, and it can often make them more expressive.
7. Get Them in a Conversation
On that same subject, people really like to converse. While some can do it well, most people are not inclined to talk for the sake of talking. People respond best when they are in a conversation with another human being. It’s much more natural to explain ideas or processes to another person than it is to simply speak to a camera or a light.
Pro-tip: Consider shooting your interviews slightly from the side. If you are using a producer or interviewer, position them there where they can engage with the interviewee face to face and actually, you know, chat.
If you’re looking for more video interview tips and tricks (both technical and practical), check out some of these resources.
https://www.premiumbeat.com/blog/production-tips-make-interviewees-comfortable/
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