#burning your retinas out one selfie at a time

[beautifullyperfectlyflawed]

Did you even take a cute selfie if you don't post it on Tumblr?

[sweetspicyprincess]

[purplestanleypinkblanket]

Clubbing Much to Logan's Distaste:

18+

Pairings: (DP3 Vers.) Logan Howlett x Reader

Summary: Vanessa convinced you to go clubbing with her, claiming that there's 'too much testosterone in that damned apartment.' Logan hadn't realized you two were clubbing until Wade, laughing, shows him a photo of you. Well, Logan greatly dislikes that photo and hunts you down. Vanessa takes advantage of how jealous Logan can get.

Warnings: Heavy drinking, body shots mentioned, age g4p, younger reader (like 21), slight woman on woman (vanessa making logan jealous), angry logan, argument, grinding, drunk reader, sexual themes. 18+, minors don't interact.

Genre: Angst, Slight smut.

Word Count: 1,798

A/N: I've really been wanting to explore various themes, and it's about time I branched into thirsty Logan turf! Feel free to leave feedback, I love knowing what could be improved!

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Vanessa and you swayed on the dance floor, moving to the song 'Nasty Dog' by Sir-Mix-Alot. The club was packed with various sorts of people, all of which you found yourself dancing against as the night progressed. Shot after shot, you found yourself regretting the dress you wore. It was a black off the shoulder, long sleeve dress with a short skirt. As you swayed and danced, grinding your back up against a man you hadn't met before he bought you a shot, you glanced towards Vanessa who was taking a selfie.

"Say cheese!" She announced to you, moving to catch you in the frame. You and the man you moved against.

Wade and Logan found themselves alone in the apartment. It was odd to Logan, he had grown used to you and Wade dancing to suggestive music like 'Goodies' by Ciara in the living room. Tonight was different. You and Vanessa weren't here, and he was alone with Wade who didn't even try to be subtle with his flirts.

"Where's-"

"She's out clubbing with Vanessa." Wade interrupted like a damned mind reader. How had he known Logan was going to ask about you? Logan scowled at Wade, eyes narrowing. And why in hell were you clubbing? Didn't you know how dangerous it was? The ding of Wade's phone interrupted his thoughts. "Holy fuck!" Wade laughed out. "She's getting it on out there!"

"What?" Logan's voice was rougher than usual, strained too. He grabbed Wade's wrist before he could hide his phone. Yanking at the man's wrist, Logan stared at the phone. At the photo of you and Vanessa. Of you...grinding...on another man. "The fuck does she think she's doing?" He erupted with a growl, standing up immediately. The photo still burned in his retinas. The way your skintight dress showed off every inch and curve of your body. That short skirt that was practically nonexistent. The sight of your bare shoulders through the neckline. Logan swore your breasts looked as if they would fall out of it at any given moment.

"Woah there, honey badger." Wade was quick to dive infront of the front door, preventing Logan from leaving.

Vanessa's words echoed in his brain, "Keep Logan here. Make sure he doesn't ruin my girl's night, or I'll-" Wade didn't entirely remember the rest of the threat because God damn did Vanessa look hot when she scolded him.

"Move, lip." Logan growled at him.

"I can't do that." Wade retorted, stretching his body to take up as much of the doorway as possible. "I'd like to keep my dick, and I can't exactly do that if you interrupt their girl's night."

"I don't give a fuck about your dick." Logan huffed, his scowl deepening. Wade was only wasting time by blocking him in. He was going to get you out of that club- even if it meant killing his friend along the way. Or, at least, trying to.

Vanessa and you move against one another, the previous partners you two danced with long forgotten. She knew she had Wade, and that Logan practically claimed you without actually claiming you...but it was still a fun game to play. To flirt with you, to tease you, whether it was friendly or more. It was once only friendly, but after seeing Logan's reaction to when she straddled you and did your make up as you stroked her thighs- well, how could she not amp it up? Vanessa was just as bad as Wade, truth be told. She loved watching Logan's nostrils flare in angered jealousy, in possessiveness. However, he would never interrupt the situation with you present. If he did, then you'd learn how much he wanted you. And that was outright unacceptable. You were too young, too innocent. He felt guilt for even thinking about you. There were plenty of other men your age- but God did he wish you never looked at them.

With your back facing the door as you did a body shot off of Vanessa, Logan's form bursting through the club door went unnoticed by you. His eyes immediately landed on your mouth moving to the shot glass resting in between Vanessa's chest. She had noticed him first and, with a smug smirk. her hand moved to your hair, tugging at it as you downed the shot. Her tongue ran up your face along where a small drip of tequila escaped your mouth. Her eyes remained on his the entire time. Anger coursed through him as he watched you drunkenly melt into her seductions. With clenched teeth, Logan stormed forward to where you and Vanessa were at the bar. Her legs moving to wrap around your hips as she lifted your chin, murmuring a quick apology in your ear.

"Sorry, Hun'" Was all she could get out before you suddenly felt your arm being yanked. Your eyes widened in surprise when you were brought face to face with Logan, who's nose was scrunched in a furious scowl at you.

"Oh-hey, Lo." You smiled brightly at him. His nose scrunched more in distaste. You reeked of alcohol; he could barely even smell the normal scent of you that he adored.

"The hell do you think you're doing?" He spoke through clenched teeth, the vein in his neck popping slightly.

"Um...having fun?" You replied sassily, flashing your own drunk scowl at him.

"That was having fun?" He scoffs, posture straightening as he began to yank your arm.

"Hey, now wait a damn minute!" You huffed, grabbing at a nearby railing that isolated the bar from the dance floor of the club. "I aint going anywhere!"

"The hell you are!" Logan was in your face before you could react, using the only thing he knew- intimidation. He expected you to back down, or at least murmur a smart-ass comment as you surrendered like you always did.

However, you didn't budge. Not this time. You weren't going to be bullied out of having fun. He watched as your cheeks puffed out, a red flush to them from the drinking you had done, your eyes narrowed at him. Your eyebrows furrowed together to in a deadly glare.

"Princess, now is not the time." Logan started, moving to pull your arm once more. You stood your ground firmly, unmoving.

"Don't you princess me, mister. I'm staying." You huffed out, snatching your arm from his grasp as you crossed them over your chest. His eyes flicked to your breasts for a second, he could feel a groan in the back of his throat just at the sight of them. They looked like they'd spill out of your dress's neckline at any minute. He both loved and hated it.

"No, you arnt." He battled.

"You can either stay and party with Vanessa and I or you can leave."

"I aint staying."

"Then you can leave."

"You aint staying either."

"Yes. I. Am."

"Princess..."

"Face it, Lo. I'm not leaving. Now you can either man up and dance with me or leave me the fuck alone." Logan watched as you jutted your chin out, directing your face from his. He sighed over dramatically. You were too damn stubborn for your own good. His hand found your hip.

"Fine."

A grin broke onto your lips as you registered his words. Leaping up, you wrapped your arms around his neck. "Oh! This will be so much fun!" Logn instinctively caught you, gently guiding you back to standing on the floor as you leaned against him, staring into his eyes adamantly. He knew it was wrong to relish the way you pressed against him. It was wrong to enjoy it. You were too young for him, he knew it. Too sweet, too innocent. He didn't deserve you, or your attention. But the way you stared at him now, eyes lidded from a sense of...hell, was that affection he saw in your eyes? It was directed at him? Why? Logan made no move to resist as you pulled him to the dance floor of the club, soon grinding your ass against him.

He watched your hands fly above your head, into your hair, and into the air. He forced his ears to focus on your drunk singing instead of the music the club blasted. He couldn't help but find himself entranced by you. Logan's cock twitched as you grinded your rear against him, his hands instinctively found your hips, guiding you how he wanted you to move as he swayed against you. His mouth soon nipping at the revealed skin of your neck and shoulders.

A groan escaped his throat when your hands moved behind you and into his hair. His hand slid off your hip and towards your thigh, slipping under your dress as his fingertips trailed your inner thigh. Logan buried his face into your neck, sniffing deeply to inhale your scent. The disgusting scent of liquor wafted into his nose. You still smelled too much like cheap gin and shots for his liking. He always considered himself a connoisseur for the smell of alcohol, but he found himself hating it on you. He wanted to smell you, not gin or tequila.

His hand slid out from under your skirt, grasping your hips to stop your movements against him.

"Stop." He grunted out, ignoring the way his body ached to have you against him.

"But..." You pouted softly as you looked back at him, however, upon seeing the seriousness of his expression, you stopped. Pulling away, you turned to face him. "What's wrong?" You asked.

"I can't." He decided with a shake of his head.

"Lo, I'm 21, I'm legal and-" You began, you hated the way he distanced himself from you just because of your age.

"I know you are, Princess." Logan interrupted. "Thats not why I'm stopping." He forced his voice to be softer as he spoke to you, knowing the wrong tone could send you into a drunk crying mess.

"Then why...?" Was all you could get out before his lips pressed against yours, silencing you.

"Because I want you to be fully there when I show you why I'm better than all the shitty men you've taken home." Logan murmured; tone filled with venom when he mentioned your previous flings. A hint of possessiveness clear. You found yourself nodding, silently appreciating the fact that he wasn't going to take advantage of you- even if you were the one throwing yourself at him. "Now come on, let me take you home." His voice was demanding but you were confident it was a request.

"Okay." You nodded, moving to interlock your hands. "Let's get Vanessa."

When Wade saw Vanessa storming his way an hour later, and Logan carrying you over towards his room, drunk and asleep, he was glad he had hidden the knives.

[idkthisisjustforfanfic]

Part XIV - The Untimely Downfall of Strangers

THEN -- Day 1199

I was used to it, for the most part. I wasn’t fazed by the cameras or the flashing lights that seemed to follow me wherever I went. Sometimes, when I fell asleep, I could hear the clicking of cameras or see the bursts of light, probably burned into my retinas. 

But this was different. The yelling and screaming and shoving was too much. Sinead seemed to be just as alarmed beside me, her shoulder knocking into mine as the security personnel around us seemed to bark orders at the photographers to back up. 

My mom and Pete were nearby, too, but their voices were muffled by the questions that seemed to be thrown in every direction. 

Did you break up with Harry? Why were you in rehab? What happened? Are you addicted to drugs? Did you try to kill yourself, Margot? Where’s Harry? When is the next album coming out? How was your flight? Where are you going? 

I tried to breathe through it. That seemed to be the only option most days. I could feel Sinead’s grip tighten around my arm as we got closer to the car. I churned over the questions in my head. 

Yes, because, a lot, no, no, I don’t know, I don’t know, fine, home. 

I didn’t say any of that, though. I kept my sunglasses on and my hat pulled down, hoping to slip into the silence of the waiting car so I could let out the tears that were at the edge of my eyes the whole flight home. 

What did this mean? What did I do now? Home to California and home to my mom’s and home to the life that I had before all of this. But it wasn’t mine now. At least, it didn’t feel that way. 

I turned my phone on after a month of it being off. I’d made Sinead delete all the social media apps before I handed it over to her a month ago, and even when I got to a high enough privilege level based on my hard work in therapy, I didn’t want my phone back. 

Most of the other women seemed to claw for it like it was their lifeline. But I welcomed the reprieve of sitting in the day room with little to no connection with life beyond the trees that lined the property. Me and the horses in the fields and the noise machines that lined the hallways. That was plenty. 

I hadn’t even been photographed in a month. I’d managed (somehow) to make my way to Tennessee in the middle of the night with no photographic evidence. Maybe it was better that way. 

“Maya and Ben will be happy to see you,” my mom spoke now, her voice quiet as the driver put the car into gear, leaving the yelling and flashing behind as he pulled out onto the road the lined the LAX terminals. 

“Are they mad?” I asked quietly, bringing my eyes over to her. She seemed to tilt her head in confusion. 

“Why would they be mad?”

I shrugged my shoulders, almost feeling like I didn’t know where to start. “Because I suck and I spent a month in rehab and that probably didn’t make their lives easy.”

The guilt of being famous was bad enough. When my siblings were younger they milked my celebrity as much as they could. Maya was more than happy to brag to her elementary school friends when I had a popular sitcom and Ben was always asking to bring his middle school girlfriends backstage at my shows. 

But as we grew up it became more of a hassle for them. Maya resented the fact that I was away on tour and couldn’t always talk to her about boys. Ben hated the fact that his friends would ask for a selfie with me when they came over the house. 

So I get it. Me going to rehab likely led to a lot of questions. Questions that they couldn’t answer and questions that invaded their privacy too. 

“They don’t hate you,” my mom reassured, her eyes searching my face. I wiped at my eyes beneath my sunglasses, still not removing them in the dark interior in the car--still too embarrassed and ashamed and filled with emotion. “Are you nervous to see them?”

Sinead busied herself with her phone--pretending that she wasn’t listening to the conversation between a washed up popstar and her mother. 

“I’m nervous for everything,” I sighed. Which was true. I mean, how did I go back to a public life and expect people to just be okay with the fact that I disappeared and took time off and had no clue what was coming next? My life had been a predictable cycle of write, record, release, tour. 

Now I had no clue what tomorrow would bring and what was for dinner. 

“You’ve done such good work, honey,” my mom said, offering me a sympathetic smile. “You deserve a break. You need one.”

I knew that now. I knew that as soon as I walked into the room that was mine in Tennessee and I cried in bed for the first 12 hours. I knew it when I couldn’t even speak in group therapy out of fear that people would leak what I said to the press. 

But I guess it was really cemented now: the girl who had gone from tight lipped and emotionless was now a blubbering mess half of the time. Crying in therapy, crying on the phone to my mom. Crying in the backseat of a car as a Toyota Camry with two photographers inside seemed to weave through traffic to catch up to us. 

Because what on earth was I supposed to do about the fact that I made the worst mistake and didn’t have a clue as to how to make any of it better? What was I supposed to do? Call Harry up and apologize for ruining his summer and ruining his fall and now for ruining his winter? 

Sinead shifted beside me, the landscape outside the windows became more familiar as we made our way up the 405. 

My mom reached up a hand to smooth out my hair. “Let’s just take it day by day, okay?”

NOW -- Day 1743

I almost made it 24 hours. But after I’d tossed and turned in bed and woke up with a headache that was arguably as bad as the one after we broke up, I decided that I needed to be honest. I mean, that was the point of all of this, yeah?

She answered after two rings. It was earlier there--only 11am--and she her hair was up behind her head as she settled onto the couch in her living room. The quiet of my living room was a retreat from the hot London day.

“Hi,” she greeted with a smile--one that immediately faded when she realized something was wrong. The FaceTime image was somewhat grainy on my phone--likely due to the oceans between us. 

“Someone asked me about a guy in Tennessee.”

She blinked a few times, her eyes flickered to something off screen, lips parted as she seemed to stare blankly. 

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that someone asked me about your Tennessee Iover,” my tone was harsh, so much so that I had to look away from her to even finish the sentence. 

Her eyes were on mine and she blinked a few times, still seeming to hesitate. “I should probably call Claire.”

Her desire to smooth over her image before smoothing over our relationship felt too similar to before all of this happened. I let out a noise of displeasure and shook my head. 

“No, you should tell your boyfriend what the fuck happened and why there are articles from some asshole about your love affair in a fancy rehabilitation facility west of Nashville.”

“Harry don’t be a dick,” she said the words quickly, her emotion was surprising--seeing as only a few seconds ago she spoke in a monotone and didn’t seem to be having much of a reaction. “We weren’t together,” she was defensive, her eyes narrowed as I seemed to widen mine.

“So I’ll take his word as true?”

“I don’t know why you’re so upset--I kissed some guy. What does it matter? You had sex with someone, Harry.”

“That’s a completely separate conversation--”

“Is it?” She asked. “How so? You’re allowed to fuck some stranger but I so much as kiss a random guy and you’re all up in arms?”

“He wasn’t random Margot--he worked at the facility you were at.”

“I can’t talk to you about this if you’re going to judge me.”

“M’not judging you! M’trying to find out what the fuck happened because I had to hear about it from a woman on the red carpet last night. So there’s that. Enjoy the video of me trying to play it cool when I heard that.”

“Great,” she rolled her eyes. 

But what did she want from me? How was I supposed to play it cool when apparently my girlfriend was lying to me and we were trying to keep a low profile while we figured everything out?

“I have to go,” she said suddenly. 

“Margot don’t shut down,” I pleaded, trying to keep my voice calm. 

“I haven’t seen anything about it, Harry. I don’t know if Claire knows.”

“She knows.”

“What makes you say that?”

“There are hundreds of articles. I searched for them last night--they’re all over. Have you spoken to him since you left?”

“What?” She brought her hand up to her forehead, apparently irritated by my question. “No, Harry. We made out a few times. He wasn’t even working the day I was discharged. I don’t even know who he is.”

“What was his name?”

“Andrew.”

I rolled my eyes. She didn’t like that. 

“Stop, Harry. Okay? I’m not doing this right now. I have to go fucking deal with the fact that the first big story about me in a year is that I made out with an employee at my rehab place, okay?”

“Fine,” I let out a breath of air, wondering what it meant and where we’d go from here. 

“I’ll call you later, okay?”

I nodded, watching as she wiped her eyes. I couldn’t see any tears, but I didn’t doubt that they were coming. She let out a sigh and ended the call. 

My finger hit another name on the list of people I regularly called--again, it was only a few rings before his face became much more clear on the screen. 

“Hey,”

“Hi, have you seen everything about Margot?”

“What?” Niall tilted his head to the side, his eyebrows knitting together as he rubbed at his nose. “No. What happened? She okay?”

“She’s fine. I mean, her image might not be, but--”

“What happened?” He asked again, his voice more impatient now. I should have known that a conversation related to her would likely be awkward between us. I mean, he’d been fine when we’d had lunch with him and he was clearly more excited than either of us about us being back together. 

“I guess she had some kind of relationship with a person who worked at the place she went to.”

His eyes widened and he seemed to not know what to say. He looked past the phone, breaking eye contact with me in a telling way.

“You knew?” I asked, my voice deeper and more upset than it’d been before.

“I didn’t know, really. She mentioned somethin’ in passing--but, what did she tell you?”

“What did she tell you?!” I shot the question back in his direction and hoped for a good answer. 

He let out a groan and shifted on the couch he was sat on. “I dunno, Harry. Just that she kissed him. That’s all she said happened.”

I let out a sigh at that, thankful (at least) that her story lined up. 

“You weren’t together, Harry, you can’t really be mad.”

I narrowed my eyes at him, offended by his quick attempt to invalid my feelings. “Yes I can--especially because she didn’t tell me even after we had a whole conversation about when I--” I paused, not wanting to say more. 

“When ya what?” 

I groaned. “I slept with some girl in Jamaica, okay? It was stupid and Margot knows and I was just trying to get over her.”

“So maybe she was trying to do the same,” Niall defended, his eyes somewhat angry as he waited for me to speak. 

“Niall I’m not here to fight with you,” I dropped my head and pinched at the bridge of my nose. I wasn’t looking for his complete and total sympathy. More just a healthy dose of reassurance that some stranger in Tennessee wasn’t going to win my girlfriend over after I was just starting to get her back.

“Me neither.”

I brought my eyes back up to him, and when he saw the look of distress on my face, he let out a knowing laugh. “Harry--the worst thing you could do right now would be to pick a fight with her. You’re starting to get back to normal. Things happened in the span of a year and a half.”

I nodded--knowing he was right didn’t make it easier to hear. I also hated when he gave good advice. Something about it just felt so out of place. 

“Alright,” I said. “But if she calls you later make sure to tell her that that guy’s a prick and I’m the best thing that ever happened to her, yeah?”

Niall made a face at this immediately, pulling his head back. “I mean, I’ll tell her that she’s the greatest thing that ever happened to you, but okay.”

THEN - Day 1303

Being in a seedy bar in Ochos Rios felt fitting. My shirt stuck to my back in the heat and the ice in my drink that Mitch had handed me only a few minutes ago was already close to melted. I’d only had to take two pictures--which felt somewhat out of the norm seeing as I’d been secluded away for the last few weeks. 

It had started as curiosity--we just wanted to see the resorts and beaches on this part of the island. We had a nice dinner in a restaurant that seemed much more equipped to feed the 12 of us than the ones near the house. This beachside bar wasn’t air conditioned like the restaurant, but the drinks were strong and the music was loud and it was nice to be around more people than the group I’d grown accustomed to. 

So I ordered another drink when I finished the first, and I got a third after that one. Soon I felt more able to mingle with the people who crowded near us--maybe they knew who I was, maybe they just didn’t have anywhere else to go if they wanted to escape the setting sun. 

“Sorry,” I said, my shoulder knocking into someone as Jeffrey seemed to squeeze past me. I turned to assess the damage--hopefully this person’s drink wasn’t all over their shirt. 

I was met with a smile and eyes that weren’t quite as enchanting as hers--but they were enough to make me falter. “Hi, sorry, I hope it didn’t get on you.” I looked down at her drink as she reached for a napkin, cleaning off her hand but then placing it back on the bar. 

“All set--you’re good, I’m Katie,” she extended her free hand to meet mine and I shook it. Wondering if she recognized me or if she simply was playing it cool.

“Harry,” I nodded in response. She was quiet for a moment, maybe hoping for me to say more. “Are you staying here?” I pointed up at the resort nearby and leaned in closer  as she spoke--the laughter around us made it hard to hear. 

“Yeah--my sister’s bachelorette. S’our last night.”

“Has it been a successful trip so far?”

“I would say so,” she laughed. “Only two people have thrown up and no one has gotten abducted.”

“Sounds extremely successful,” I laughed, watching as she ran a hand through her hair. It wasn’t quite as long as I’d seen Margot’s--her eyes were darker and seemed to lack the caramel streaks that always seemed to glimmer at sunset. I wondered if Katie knew I was thinking about her. But she answered my question when I let my eyes scan the room and then fall back to her. 

“Been a year for you, huh?”

I opened my mouth to speak--but nothing came out. I laughed, sipping at my drink in hopes that it contained the answer to her question. “Yeah, s’been interesting.”

NOW - Day 1745

It felt, as I stared at the keys in front of me, like I was watching the possibility of us burn down. 

Claire had handled things well. She wasn’t mad, Nick was probably annoyed but didn’t show it. Sinead had known but acted surprised to not throw me under the bus.

Claire’s approach was simple. Deny. Deny his claims and keep smiling--there was no proof and if he continued to speak  about my time in rehab we could sue him for a breach of confidentiality. My lawyer had confirmed that he’d already been fired from the facility, but I didn’t find it worth it to tell Harry any of this. 

I’d texted him a few times but his answers were short--clearly not  interested in talking to me about much of anything. 

Which led me to the question: why was he mad? I mean, sure, I could have told him and I could have avoided the situation altogether. But he conveniently neglected that he was the one to actually be with someone else. 

We’d been building a life together over the last few weeks that felt like it was actually destined for somewhere other than failure. I felt, now, like I was left alone in the vision of our future, wondering how on earth things had caught flame and how I was supposed to make it out of this burning house alive.

I let my fingers find a chord--the noise echoed through the room quietly, the skies outside were dark and I wondered where this left us. 

Tell me you love her, and I’ll be gone, I sang into the room, my voice sounded like shit--too much caffeine and crying over the last two days. 

Tell me you love her, that my heart was simply wrong. 

Just say the words and I’ll turn a round, I’ll be gone without a sound. 

THEN -  Day 915

I was sitting in catering when Harry burst through the doors. He was angry--I could tell by the red on his face and the darkness in his eyes that something was wrong. He huffed his way over to the table, and Cara seemed to trail off as she took a bite of the food in front of her. 

It was always fun to have her visit on the road--and seeing as my tour was yet to start and Harry’s was well underway, having Cara tag along on a visit was sure to be fun. She’d never been to Asia, I was likely be bored a bit when the guys had to do press and promo, so sharing a hotel room with her once in a while was a welcomed escape from the loneliness of tagging along by myself. 

“What’s the matter?” I looked up at him as he neared the table, my eyes searching his face for an answer to my question. I immediately feared the worst--I knew his step dad was sick and that losing him would break Harry. 

“I need to talk to you,” he said, his voice somewhat quiet and steady, probably due to the fact that he’d made enough of a scene storming in that everyone’s eyes were now on us. I mean, it wasn’t like we weren’t used to it, it was mainly just that we didn’t love it. 

“Okay,” I stood from the table, my eyes flicking to Cara, who nodded in understanding as Harry  turned to head back for the door. I followed him out into the hallway--the concrete walls looked the same, even though we were thousands of miles away from home. 

He was more collected now, a deep breath left his lips as he waited for someone to pass by us in the hallway. “Uhm, Zayn is leaving.”

My face twisted in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“I mean he quit.”

“He what?” I left my mouth hang open, Harry’s eyes scanned the hallway again to ensure that no one could hear. 

“He practically lost his shit last night on Louis and Niall I guess and this morning he talked with Paul and then Paul told us and he was already on a flight back to London.”

“Wh--what are you guys gonna do? He’s just done?”

Harry shrugged his shoulders defeatedly and licked his lips. “Gonna say he’s taking a break, I guess. See if he changes his mind. If he doesn’t, we move on without him.”

It didn’t sound that simple. I don’t think it felt that simple to Harry.

I sighed and tried to gather my thoughts, a heavy weight in my stomach as I realized I was jealous. He could just leave? Up and walk away because he was tired and overwhelmed like the rest of us?

“Are you okay, lovie?” I reached forward to wrap my arms around him--which likely caught him somewhat off guard. I’d been less affectionate lately, largely due to my own exhaustion and anxiety pertaining to the never-ending feeling of stress. 

“M’fuckin’ pissed,” his accent was thicker than usual, typical for when he was angry. “I feel like he just fuckin’ walked away as if this hasn’t been hard on all of us. Like he’s had it the worst or something and--s’fuckin’ ridiculous.”

I peered around the hallway--unsure if others knew about the new development and wondering if Harry should be shit talking Zayn in the hallway so freely. 

“Come in here,” I said, pulling him towards an open room--some sort of makeshift storage room  for their racks of clothing. 

As soon as he was inside and the door was shut behind us, tears wet his cheeks and he seemed to wipe quickly at them to dispose of the evidence. 

There’d be distance between all of us. Me and Harry, Harry and Niall, Zayn and everyone. We  were all exhausted and up until now, I’d been under the assumption that we were all on the  same page. I mistakenly thought that the desire to quit and go into hiding was normal. I spent my nights thinking about how young is too young to retire. I guess Zayn just beat me to it.

I was under the assumption that they wanted out as much as I did. 

But maybe that was my mistake. 

NOW - Day 1750

Margot sat on the hotel bed beside me, absentmindedly tugging at her hair as her laptop tried to connect to Hilary. We’d had this visit planned before the new had broken--she insisted on coming and I was relieved she wanted to. 

I was less mad now than I’d been at first. As a few days passed and I was able to cool off, I  realized that moving forward with Margot required forgiveness on both ends. If she’d been able to move forward knowing I’d slept with someone, I figured I could do my best to ignore the burning urge in my stomach to find this kid and strangle him with my bare hands. 

Something told me that wouldn’t do us any good. 

“Hello,” Hilary greeted with a smile as she came into view on the screen. Margot shifted on the bed and said hello.

“It looks so sunny there,” she commented, causing Hilary to turn to look out the window behind her. It was nighttime here--somewhere south of Amsterdam, and I could see my tired reflection in the hotel window that gave us a view of the city lights. 

“It was rainy earlier this week, actually,” she remarked, turning to look at both of us again--but this time with a more inquisitive stare. “How are both of you?”

“Fine enough,” Margot  answered, looking to me as she waited for my reply. 

“Tired,” I laughed. 

Margot had sent Hilary an email explaining the whole thing--one that I’d read over before she pressed send and that was signed from the both of us. Doing  all of this couples counseling over Skype seemed to make it more difficult to communicate. Especially when we only got an hour every ten days. So much happened in between our sessions, it felt like it was hard to keep her in the loop. 

“How have things been with the story breaking and the media--I read the email.”

Margot looked to me--her silent nudge to answer the question. “S’been okay--I was pretty upset  about it all at first.”

“Sure,” Hilary nodded.

“It’s nice to be able to talk about it in the same place and not over the phone.”

Another nod. “What have you been able to talk about?”

I looked over to Margot--passing it back to her. “I guess just the hurt feelings we both have about the  things we did when we weren’t together.”

“Right,” she nodded--she knew all of our secrets. “And I’m glad that you can identify it as ‘hurt,’ I think it’s easy to focus on the angry feelings, but those are often a defense for the hurt and sadness underneath.”

“Yeah, I mean--I feel like that’s where I’ve always been. I was a little angry about Harry sleeping with someone--but it was always more hurt than anger.”

I nodded in response to Margot’s words--they felt true. She was angry that night and definitely emotional on the deck at her house above the cliffs. But since then--and ever since then--she’d done her best to drop it. I’d asked her to. 

“There are a lot of things that we would redo, I think, if we had the chance,” I laughed. 

“Sure,” Hilary nodded--her face told me she understood where I was coming from. “And I think at both of those points--when both of these things happened--neither of you knew you’d be here.”

I let out a laugh. “Certainly didn’t think we’d be here.”

Margot laughed too--she offered me a smirk as Hilary asked us something else, something about traveling and visiting and how it all was going. Margot said it was going well, which was a relief to hear. And when we hung up the call and she told me she loved me, I said it back, over and over, until the sun rose. 

THEN - Day 915

My feet took me down the hallway faster than I expected. My heart was in my ears and my face felt hot. Suddenly, something I thought I knew and something that seemed to be a constant was an abyss of unknown. Margot was sitting beside Cara in catering--laughing at something she said when I pushed the door open with force. 

Her eyes landed on me, her face immediately going white as I closed the distance between us and stood over her table. 

“What’s the matter?” she looked up at me, her eyes searching my face for an answer to her question. 

I didn’t know where to start. I had a thousand things to say and a million emotions  that were threatening  to spill over. The last thing I needed to do was to spill it all in front of our crew.

“I need to talk to you,” I said, trying to keep my voice steady. There were more eyes on me now--which wasn’t surprising after the way I’d rushed into  the room.

“Okay,” she stood from the table, looking to Cara before back to me. I turned and headed for a different door, this time leading her to a hallway that was reminiscent of every other venue we’d played. 

I tried to breathe and find the right words. Someone passed by and Margot shifted awkwardly on  her feet until I spoke. “Uhm, Zayn is leaving.”

Her face twisted in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“I mean he quit.”

“He what?” Her mouth hung open, my eyes scanned the hallway again to ensure that no one could hear. 

“He practically lost his shit last night on Louis and Niall I guess and this morning he talked with Paul and then Paul told us and he was already on a flight back to London.”

“Wh--what are you guys gonna do? He’s just done?”

I shrugged my shoulders defeatedly and licked my lips. I spit out the words that Paul had said only thirty minutes earlier. “Gonna say he’s taking a break, I guess. See if he changes his mind. If he doesn’t, we move on without him.”

She sighed and shook her head slowly--words clearly escaping her. 

“Are you okay, lovie?” She reached forward to wrap her arms around me--catching me somewhat off guard. She’d been more distant lately. Her mood was low and the only thing that seemed to help was Cara’s recent visit. I knew she wasn’t  looking forward to her own tour, I knew the looming start date felt suffocating to her. 

“M’fuckin’ pissed,” I said, shaking my head as I felt the tears come to my eyes. “I feel like he just fuckin’ walked away as if this hasn’t been hard on all of us. Like he’s had it the worst or somethig and--s’fuckin’ ridiculous.”

She peered around the hallway. “Come in here,” she spoke quietly, pulling me towards an open room with lots of wardrobe cases. 

As soon as we were inside and the door was shut behind us, tears wet my cheeks and I wiped quickly at them to dispose of the evidence. Margot had seen me cry plenty--but I hated the vulnerability of crying when I was angry.

It’s not like we hadn’t seen any  shift. I mean--Zayn had long been expiring, almost. With each  show and interview he seemed more fed up with us, with the music, with the fans. It was hard to ignore it, truthfully. But we tried. We wanted to hope that it was temporary and that things  would soon get back to the way they once were. 

And staring at Margot--who looked guilty and afraid and completely unsure of what to say or do only made me fear for the future.  

Without the band, without her, who was I? I’d been defined by my relationships for so long that it seemed to be the only way I identified. And that scared me more than anything.

NOW - Day 1768

It was nice to stay at Margot’s house in Malibu rather than an unfamiliar hotel or rental house that smelled too clean. Waking up in bed with her and keeping clothes in her big closet felt reassuring. 

My toothbrush in her bathroom was a good sign. When I landed in Burbank and she asked if I was stopping anywhere before coming ‘home’ nearly sent me over the moon.

But it was nearly sunset now. We were sat alone on her deck--she was clad in a sweatshirt of mine from 2014, her hair in a bun as she fiddled with the speaker between us. 

I poured the last of the wine into our glasses--pretending that I wasn’t nervous to hear the song they’d decided would be the lead single off of her new album--one that hadn’t even been announced yet. 

She pressed play, an upbeat tempo and piano filled my ears as she looked nervously at me. I reached for my wine and hoped for the best. 

The rain starts falling when you’re calling me, why can’t you see?

I’m diving under water just to breathe.

I’m feeling lonely, I’m feeling blue, won’t you please give me something?

I don’t believe in  your sweet nothing. 

I kept my eyes on the ground--my glass clutched tightly in my hand as I listened carefully to the  words she sang. She was talking about me. I wasn’t shocked, I wasn’t surprised, but I was anxious.  

She could tell that I didn’t love it--she kept her eyes on my face as the song made its way into the  second chorus--her second recounting of the failure between us. 

I feel your arms around me, you say you feel the love, but oh, I feel alone.

You think you understand me but I don’t even understand me at all, I feel alone.

It ended just as fast-paced as it started--the track cut out and we were left with the sounds of  waves crashing below. 

I let out an awkward laugh when she asked what I thought. “S’brutal, Marg. But--it’s a good fucking song.”

[dememarquette]

Office Raid

I heard a knock on the door, flaring my temper. I'm not usually this impatient, it's just that time of the year. Tax Season. My primary line of work is in Greed. Meaning, I pitch businesses, get them started, and hand over the keys. I do accounting in the background, ensuring my clients maintain their wealth so they can enjoy it. That, unfortunately, includes managing their accounts. I know every tax break in the book. It's all a matter of playing Tetris with finances to keep them happy- for, say...hundreds of people. If not thousands. Because of this, everything between January to April is a nightmare. I have hateful quotas, and my free time is sank into inane questions like 'How can I claim my employees as dependents?' The batshit accounting of my multi-million dollar clients doesn't happen overnight. My schedule is clean of new patronage until April 12th, but lot of good it does when they still arrive at my door. I wanted to put up a sign, 'Come back in May.' "Come on in." I say instead. Julia would kill me if I turned down anyone, regardless if I was up to my eyeballs in W-2's and Form SS-4's. "But make it snappy." I said snappy- I know I did- but I think he heard 'blast my goddamn door open.' The seven foot panel blew off its hinges, sailing across the room at an flawless horizontal angle. I stared as it smacked against the wall, cracking the already-unstable structure. I gave the curious incident the benefit of doubt. This is Hell, after all. I couldn't jump to conclusions to accuse my guest- But the moment one armored boot stepped into the room, it became a safe assumption. The forth circle isn't known for its sturdy craftsmanship but he was still pleased with himself. He sauntered in like he'd receive an ovation. I did stand, but it was scantly out of reverence. "Hello." I said, at a loss. "Why don't you make yourself at home?" "Demetrius Marquette," He announced, standing grandiose just inside the entry way. Decked out in red and gold, the familiar uniform took such majestic inspiration from the Romans that it'd be impressive if it wasn’t set off by a swampy water cooler in the background. "I am Arodeus, and I have orders bestowed upon me by the 6th Choir to terminate you immediately." I don't know how one is normally supposed to oppose a declaration like that, so I did my best. "...Not guilty," I reasoned. "Of which part, exactly?" "...All of it." His head canted. One arm eminently held a thick document to his chest like he was here to strongarm a petition on climate change. "The dozens of counts of violating your celibacy vows? Sacrilege? Fraud? The hundreds of documented instances of simony during your time as a member of the clergy? And all of the Hellish transactions that succeeded it?" He posed. "All of that?" I considered carefully. Yeah. Checks out. "Hey, uh- listen. It sounds awful when you word it like that, but my application was fifty pages for a reason. By the way, who let you in-?" "Consider it rejected." With practiced dispassion, his wrist flicked. The ream of pages scattered across my office floor in a manner about half as cool as he pictured it. I recognized my giant letterhead anywhere. Alone, it presented a very large problem but in the category of 'will kill me now' versus 'will get me killed later,' the angel was in the former. "You know what?" I took a generous step backward. "Totally understood. Thanks for stopping by." "Not that easy." His wings snapped, and he shot across the floor. I had a split second's notice to move. That manifested as a genius two foot teleport to the side. His reflexes were faster. My tail was yanked a sharp pull to the left. All 200lbs of my weight was shifted off center, rocking my balance. I fell forward straight into his fist as he lobbed an uppercut at my ribs, working with gravity to double-team me. 'Fuck-' I folded as the air was forcibly vented from my lungs. Retaliating in that instant, I wrenched my elbow to his gut, but he was prepared. Agile, he suspended himself to take the force out of the blow. My hit simply guided him in the air of where he'd float next. I stumbled with his weight gone suddenly, while he touched ground for a graceful landing. "Did you even read it?!" "Oh I read it. We all did." "It wasn't your mail!" "No-" He pondered. "No it wasn't. Not until your name was flagged as a repeat offender. At which point, yeah. It was ours. Good read though." "Thanks?" I combusted to appear at his side. I learned that the hard way what his answer to that was. My hand connected, and if I had taken Tak's punching class I was sure it would have cracked. The moment he lost sight of me for the barest of seconds he threw up a shield. My knuckles skinned where it graze off the surface. I had no time to re-evaluate before the wall disappeared, priming him to deliver another kick. This one rocketed me into my bookshelves. They tipped, threatening to crush me with the likes of the Intradimensional Exchange Rates and the Necroeconomicon, but held steady. Arodeus was already closing in for a second round, but I could already feel the air tense for a second shield. Knowing better than to go on the offense close range, I lifted my hand to fake out a hook. It worked, long enough for him to to summon a defense just for me to spark a fire inside it. It flared bright, a globe of flames that ignited him like a goddamn lava lamp. He howled out a sharp note of agony before it popped. The blaze released, and the forcefield burst in a wave of Holy heat. His wings flared wide, putting out the unassuming fires in one pump of his wings. His feathers were left dusted with ash, frayed so thin it looked like he hadn't used conditioner in two years. Still, even if he looked like a BP oil spill duckling, he was more humored by my counter than threatened. As someone who was actually proud of that maneuver, that was actually very concerning. I threw my hands up, making it clear I never intended to cause the damage I didn't actually reap. "Listen guy, I don't want to fight!" "Ah, great! You don't have to!" He grabbed my client chair. I reared back into the wall behind my desk. A moment too late I realized that it happened to be against the most priceless fixture of my office. I couldn't tell if it was out of spite or sudden inspiration, but he held the chair over his head. My eyes widened- "NO! No! N-NOT-" And hurled it into the glass. "-the fish tank!" I cried. "You ASShole!" A torrent jetted from the top, breaching my office with an aggravated geyser of mineral treated water and glass. Katy perry's Last Friday Night sputtered into distorted gargling as the damage claimed everything. The atmosphere of Hell turned my desk into a grill; my gobies and angelfish fried instantly. The rest erupted into a veil of steam, obscuring me long enough to crawl under my desk. I yanked open the drawer, hand blindingly reaching for anything of use. Scissors, letter opener- I'll take a Montblanc if it meant not being defenseless. The angel rounded the corner, tearing shit up as he passed. He couldn't see clearly so anything vaguely smart and stylish was destroyed in his warpath. My lamp shattered against the wall, and my accent table overturned, with my artisanly selected selfies lost to the destruction. I very much doubt his memo for my extermination today included office renovation. He was being a dick, and my neighbors on either side were complacent jackasses too. They throw a fit if Lady Gaga was belting it too hard but you bet my asskicking was music to their ears. And because my intuition stops short of fisticuffs, he found me too soon. Cornered, I blasted him in the face. The inferno lasted all of two seconds as the shower behind him put it out and doused me in turn. He reeled back, leaving my hand to fizzle out in a thin line of smoke. "Shit-!" Arodeus drew a reedy breath through his teeth. He cradled his face, one palm to a shiny, fleshy cheek. It healed in a glow of white, alighting the skin until there was no trace of trauma at all. His grimace of pain turned into a cheerful 'ta-da,' showmanship for my benefit. I hadn't ruined even one of his perfect eyebrows. On my very short list of lines of defense, that was it. "Oh come on!" I angled to take a shot at his kneecaps but he got me first. One kick to the spine of my seat, and he tipped it on its wheels. It bashed into me one, two, three times in rapid succession. Defending myself meant getting a hand caught in the metal bars and slammed ­­­­into my face. The collateral damage from my elbows alone drew blood. I was crushed up against the wall of my desk like a 1980's nuculear drill. An attempt for freedom put me in the perfect spot for a forth blow knocked my knee into my jaw. I slid to the ground, favoring my side. My world blurred- a smear of reds and oranges- as he snagged my collar, and fished me out to the open to be salt-waterboarded. "You do realize I'm just an accountant right?" I croaked. A stream was still cascading over the jagged glass, spilling directly onto my face and the nape of his neck. His charred wings were being weighed down, but he made up for it in the delighted posture of a man about to finish the job. Borrowing his words, it would not be that easy. "389 hostage souls say differently." "What? Hostage-?!" I squinted through the burn. "They're not hostages. They're legally attained!" "Gee, I hope you kept the receipts." (For the record: I did, but he wasn't here for semantics.) The heat of a holy fist charging up was unmistakable. My vision was still flickering through static but his power presented itself as a flare of white in my retinas that'd be debilitating had I not had protection. Just before the hit would land, I was reminded of a prior engagement. My office phone beeped- the antiquated hunk of plastic, too ancient and powerful to be bothered by the sizzling fish carcasses and water damage. "Mr.Marquette, your 2PM?" "Yeah!" My head lolled. "Send them in!" My attacker snapped toward the door, and I disappeared under his weight. - - - Cross-planar, and thousands of miles away, I hit the sidewalk in a limp. I had moved without thinking, landing in a pleasant suburb bathed in spring's afternoon sunlight. It served as a delightful contrast to how I was feeling- which was shit. I was screwed. I was so fucked. If the angel was worth his salt, I'd be tracked right after he dealt with whoever walked into my office, no matter what corner of the globe I popped to. I was running on borrowed time, and with all my options exhausted, I turned to my phone. My contact list spun like a rotary. Demon, demon, demon- Why am I friends with so many demons? The thought was counter-intuitive to me before 2013, now they made up half my friendslist and are completely useless in the face of celestial opposition. I slumped against a tree as I searched for alternatives. I recognized the neighborhood as upstate Washington, a personal spot for me. It shouldn't be the first go-to in an emergency, but I was concussed and apparently craving foie gras. Down the block, surrounded by a beautiful lot of imported cars, Chez Tzaz stood tall. No other spots were coming to my bruised brain when I needed them most. But it was as safe of a spot as any when it came down to it. At least there I had a bouncer. Not only that, but it sparked a sudden moment of clarity. I jerked the scrollbar back up to the top. Adria. I shot off a text. It was unfortunately less than polite. [2:03 PM] do u mind calling rock me amadeus off my back!! Her response was instantaneous. [2:03 PM] WHAT?? WHO?? [2:03 PM] the angel sent to my office!! said he was there to kill me?? i thought you said you'd warn me!! [2:04 PM] ARE YOU SERIOUS?? WHERE ARE YOU?? I twitched my thumbs volley a text back but arguing in the distance caught my attention. Someone without a reservation had made it to the door and was causing a scene. Sure, I was still seeing stars, but it was hard to miss the glaring refraction of light off their heels. That damn uniform again. My heart fell to the pit of my stomach. [2:05 PM] they are at my restaurant too??? That has to mean my apartment has already been raided. And my vacation home. And who knows what else. I'm not modest with my brand. Anything that has my involvement is emblazoned with my logo- I've plastered it everywhere I could make my mark because nuance isn't my strong suit. The unsaid consequences of this made my head pound. [2:06 PM] IF YOU ARE CLOSE ENOUGH TO SEE THEM, YOU ARE CLOSE ENOUGH FOR THEM TO SENSE YOU. GET. OUT OF THERE. I wanted to. I truly did. But all of the locations I could visualize in my mind belonged to that of other demons. Archer's apartment just thirty minutes away, Niko's office who already suffered a remodeling this year, my favorite cafe- I didn't want to drag my trouble to them. Especially not when it was looking inevitable. Meanwhile, in the distance my dutiful hostess was patiently and condescendingly explaining the dress code policy just like I taught her (armor is NOT formal-wear post the 1700's, please see the handbook). The distraught angel launched into full riposte about her obstruction of justice, so much so that I ignored my phone for ten whole seconds. By then, Adria already had an essay, surmised with a frantic, 'What are you going to do? I'm serious, where are you?' rephrased a spectacular three different ways with various usage of caps lock. [2:08 PM] im at chez tzaz. washington [2:08 PM] WHAT? WHY? WHY ARE YOU STILL THERE? [2:08 PM] why are THEY here??? The text bubble popped. The three ellipses disappeared with her abandoned thought, and I was left on read. I couldn't tell if it was a bust. Not until I heard the timely flapping of wings behind me, noticeably less toasty than Mr.Arodeus. The sound should have made me panic, but I had no doubt who it was. "What did I say? Are you an idiot?!" She hissed. As a cordial 'hello,' she shoved me into a tree. "Go!" "Ow?!" "You can 'ow' when you're safe!!" "Well?? Where do you want me to go, huh? They can find me!" I thought about jumping to whatever I could think of. Maybe to the first thing Google maps would suggest, but for it to work I had to seriously think about my location before going. At that moment, I wasn't sure if it was possible. It felt like my mind was jumbled to the point where if I tried again, I'd end up in the exact same spot. Did I also mention I felt safer by her? Because that too. She combed her bangs back, stressing as she craned around me and the tree to view the angel at the door. Looking between the two of them, they matched. How narrow was the chance that she'd be on my execution team? "Friend of yours?" "I told you to stop pushing it! They definitely have a kill order on you now." "What fantastic information that would have been earlier." "I. TOLD. YOU!" She shot back, barely restrained. Scratch that- her voice was kept low so she had dibs on killing me first. "I told you this would happen! You have friends right? Go to them!" "And endanger them too?" "Go to someone, I don't know, capable!" "You?" "Not me!! I have to deal with this." My hostess was now calling security. And in the face of one haughty college student, the angel apparently felt the need to as well. Now there was two of them, and the arrival of the second seemed to register on Adria's radar. She turned around at the same time- -And looked like she was about to blow a gasket. "Oh my God- you need to go NOW." "And what are you going to do?" "This isn't about me Mr.Sends-My-Lifestory-to-the-people-who-want-to-murder-me! LEAVE! Now!!" "I can't-" "NO! No more talking! LEAVE!" I couldn't argue any more. Our bickering caused two heads across the way to snap up. She gave me one final, violent shove, and I disappeared to the last place muscle memory remembered her pissed at me. The cowboy strip club was a start. - - - Six hours later, I was across the United States and checked into a motel. After my headache faded, I broke up my trail into pieces, ranging from teleports, taxis, and one distressing trip aboard public transport. Under the assumption that no angel would dare subject themselves to the general populace on such intimate terms (see: wedged between the lunch rush and earlybird boozers), I felt safe. Adria did not. "This is my fault." She said, for a third time, pacing the floor. I looked up from the pages of a Better Homes and Gardens magazine, spoon in mouth. The first time we had this conversation, I was covertly panicked. By the second, I wore myself out. And by the third? I have more productive things to talk about. "I knew it was a bad idea. I knew they were doing raids-" "Do you always do this?" It couldn't just be me noticing it, that there was something egregiously wrong with this picture. She was an angel- a Power, a soldier of Heaven's prestigious battalion- worrying this hard over a demon she met two months ago. Don't get me wrong. I get it, I'm charming, I'm suave, and maybe in the right light my atoning adds a tragic depth to my character that may drive the angels wild- But I was still just that. A player on the opposite team, who made a huge mistake that got me booked in the first motel who'd take cash instead of card, until I was sure I wasn't being followed and I looked presentable enough to see my friends again. And she was here with me, inexplicably, trying to make my screw-ups her own. Why? I had no idea. "Do what?" "Overthink." "This is not overthinking!" She said, denial in gusto. I began worrying a lot less when her catastrophic thinking began siphoning all the energy in the room. That left her fretting on her own, while I examined Martha Stewart's upcoming Spring line. I much preferred being told how to pick the perfect counter-top than conduct my own life. "I should have been the adult. I shouldn't have sent the letter knowing what was going on upstairs." I snorted, flipping a page idly. "Don't take credit for my plan." "I'm not taking credit, I'm taking responsibility!" "And why would you do a thing like that?" She rolled her eyes. "What are you going to do now? Tell me." "Easy. I get Dr.Nikolai to write me a doctor's note." "Really?" She stopped, sudden. Her tensely folded arms fell loose. Taken off-step of our normal rhythm, I almost didn't have the heart to issue a reality check. She caught up to me in the next beat though, defeated with a heavy sigh. "Aren't you afraid..?" "Yes and no." I shrugged. "I need this to wrap up. I already miss my shower and my kitchen, I mean look at that-" I waved a hand at the sad, sad kitchenette through the door. One half-wall was fencing it off from the living room. It sounds trendy in theory, but the execution here had bar stools doubling as coffee tables, and the bite-size microwave trying to hop the border. The whole layout was claustrophobic, and pretending that this was the biggest of my problems worked for me. Not her. She plunged onto the edge of the bed, her head in her hands. Her bangs fell over her eyes in a tousled mess that matched her fringing braid. My busted up face didn't hold a candle- looking at the two of us, you would have thought her life was the one turned upside down. "You aren't taking this seriously." "I'm taking it seriously, Adria. Are you just trying to admit you are afraid?" "Yeah! Yeah, I am actually! It's like every time I try to help I only make things worse!" "Well that's funny because I refuse to do anything but believe you helped me." I shut the magazine, scooting to her side, with Ben & Jerry's in tow. "I wanted my name up there. Guess what? Now it's there. What's a little clout?" "Clout," She spurned, tired. "Would you call what he did to your face clout too?" Her hand delicately lifted to assess the damage but I ducked away. Not today, ma'am. I shifted my shades like it'd cover the bruise bleeding down into my cheek bone. It wasn't the worst of it. I imagined my chest to be a blotchy bovine pattern by now, but I sensed her concern for what it was: another way for her to feel worse about herself. Another way to be a failure. "No touching." "Yeah, well. Here's the rest of your things." She tossed me a bag. They were necessities I requested. The woman had yet to get herself an iPhone but had no problem grabbing my shopping list of moisturizers and specific detergents. The Green Giant wasn't on my list (it was her own addition to my list of demands, which she loving refereed to as 'shit you ACTUALLY need') but she grabbed that. Punching the bag into submission seemed to give her reprieve when just saying she helped didn't. I watched her pulverize the frozen vegetables, under the guise of breaking them up for me, until it was just sad and vaguely terrifying. The Quick And Easy Dinnertime Medley didn't deserve this, nor did she. Something bad was going on in that head of hers- guilt. I didn't understand it, but I know I didn't need to because it was ridiculous to begin with. "Hey. Heeeey," I leaned into her shoulder. "I don't know why you're so broken up about this but it's fine. I'm the one who should be worrying right?" "But you're NOT. I am! And I can't help it, okay." "You helped me, alright? You did," I rescued the bag, putting it against my sore ribs like she originally intended. "You did something for me no one else could. And for some reason that wasn't enough, and now you're here!" "Yes." She admitted, biting her lip. "Doing nothing." "Nope- nope. You're leaving out the cool part. You're here breaking three heavenly laws in the process." "Definitely." "Like a rebel. Like a spy. And my hero~" "And getting you putted on a most wanted list by mail, and delivering frozen peas? They should make me a saint, too." "Yup. Saint Kyriakoloupoulos, Patron of unconventional assistance." I said, mocking prayer. "And fists. If only I invoked you then." You could tell she wanted to answer something else melodramatic and guilt ridden, but her gaze fell to my hands.

The beginnings of a smile tried to set in, trickling in through the recesses of her totalitarian 'No Fun Allowed' conscious. "...Did you even get a hit in?" I grinned, quickly concealing my bare knuckles behind my back. The worst of it was healed to superficial scrapes, which regrettably looked a lot less cool when trying to impress a girl with non-existent fighting prowess. "Depends. Are you rooting for my side?" I pretended like I wasn't expecting a specific response. That the wrong one wouldn't disappoint me, and that this bag of groceries may be the last piece of divine intervention I get out of this woman who already followed me down to the strip clubs of 2nd, and was now tagging along my fugitive romp across America. But she didn't. She pulled her legs up onto the bed, trying to mull over my question as if the answer wasn't clear on her face. She always was a bad liar. "Maybe." "Thought so. Ice cream?"

[harrv]

1 (;; through (;;;: 50 (;;;;;;

erin aka the (bti) loml —> the (bitch that i) loath of my life

1. Favorite boy?

harry, my sweat lil pea, the warmest marshmallow, my crémé brûlée, blueberry cheesecake, the sweetest strawberry in the batch,

2. What is your ranking of the boys (including Zayn)?

harry, louis, niam, zayn

3. When did you get into the fandom?

the one direction funny moments videos on youtube were funyn and made me so happy in years then i went to twitter and facebook too look for 1d fan accs and here i am

4. How did you first hear about one direction?

i wan ten and lonely and at fifth grade, and someone was singing wmyb and i liked it so i searched for it then i coudnt stop listening to it then i saw theyre the same singers as the ones who sang one thing and then eventually i saw year in the making on tv and then after that i searched for more 1d videos and happened to stumble upon to a “one direction funny moments” vid and suddenly my still lonely ass was dragged to this fandom

5. What was the first music video you ever saw?

one thing

6. Favorite music video?

best song ever??/?

7. Least favorite music video?

night changes was………awfl

8. Favorite interview?

probably the mexico interview in mitam promo 2015 bc like??? haryry and lous,i…??????? wow????? yin yang

9. Favorite ship within the band?

10. Ever seen them live? When/Where?

no, probably never im cry

11. If you could go back and see one show front row, which tour would you go to?

i’d love to go to otra

12. Favorite era (UAN, TMH, etc.)?

i would pay so much money just to go back and experience uan era again, boi that era was wild

13. Ranking of the albums (favorite–>least favorite)?

mitam, tmh, four, mm, uan

14. Least favorite song on each album?

uan - i wish…

tmh - c’mon c’mon is iconic but i always skip it in my shuffle soz

mm - i dont listen to right now as much shgshjhs

four - i cant…listen…to spaces…hutrs 2 much

mitam - i cannot read suddenly

15. Most favorite song on each album?

uan - taken (ppl fight me for this :///)

tmh - over again!! i love rap

mm - DFWYB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOMEEEEEEEE !!!! DFWYB!!!!!! HOMEEEEEEE

four - whos that shadow holding me hostage…

mitam - WHTA A FEELIGN

16. Lottie or Gemma? 

ive always fancied gemma but wtf!!!i love lottie and her Looks

17. Danielle or Sophia?

payzer and sophiam was……wow idek

18. Feelings on Perrie?

my strawbberry shortcake wife????

19. Feelings on Eleanor?

why am i seeing a blank question

20. Feelings on Sophia?

i dont even….. kn,ow

21. Long or short hair Harry?

bald harry💦 both tbh but i would die just to see harry grow out his hair again 

22. Buzzcut or curly hair Liam?

twinkly curly liam was my?? fave???

23. Cinnamon swirl or fringe Louis?

FRINGF

24. Blonde streak or shaved head Zayn?

ughf i dont have an opinion here

25. Blonde or brunette Niall?

both but bring back blonde niall pls

26.  Favorite 1d mom?

me     i hold jay and anne close to my heart

27. One song they should add to the setlist?

what setlist…..like for their next tour?? they should sing their grammy deserved song aka home

28. One song they should take off the setlist?

all 1d songs are deserved to be sang by the kings themselves

29. Favorite x-factor performance?

viva la vida bc niall’s hands and his “ahhhs” were i c o n i c

30. Favorite tour?

i miss otra v much

31. Where were you/what were you doing when you heard Zayn was leaving?

i was fukignf sleeping but my dad woke me up the minute the Post was posted

32. Favorite tweet? 

33. Favorite rumor?

34. Song that you thought deserved to be a single?

FUCKIFGNF FIREPROOF DESERVED BETETR

35. Did you ever hear Just Can’t Let Her Go?

2013 was wild boi

36. Did you see the 1d  movie in theaters? 

no i had tests that time rip

37. Haylor: yay or nay?

38. Larry: yay or nay?

louis didnt wank that plant in front of everyone for me not to say ‘yay’ at this

39. Lou Teasdale: yay or nay?

40. Simon Cowell: yay or nay? 

41. Favorite lyric change

just like he already [crotch grab] own it………..what the fuck

42. Harry getting his shirt ripped open or Liam getting his shirt ripped open?

im 7 whats this

43. Would you rather get a selfie with your favorite boy and have it be really bad or meet all of them but have no photos or evidence of it?

MEET ALL OF THEM WTF I DONT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT EVIDENCES BC IT WILL BE FOREVER BURNED INTO MY RETINAS

44. Would you rather watch Louis/Harry alone together or Niall/Harry alone together? 

i would give my kidney to have another solo larry interview again

45. Would you rather have a tell-all book released about the x-factor days or about Zayn leaving? 

all about zayn leaving tbh wtf i need answers i was hurt

46. Favorite inside joke within the fandom?

HE’S GAY PETRA

47. If you could choose any three people to go with to a 1d concert, who would they be? 

fuck uhhh 2 of my best friends here and my little 7 yr old sister bc she just cant seem to shut up about louis and how much harry is like her bc she loves louis very much and they both got wavy hair ??/ she deserves to see louis and harry sm

48. Favorite moment from [otra]?

the 31/10 hug

49. Favorite fandom moment?

all of the rainbow direction moments :’)

50. Favorite moment of pride for the boys? 

i can only think of gay pride im sorry

[itfeelslikeawave]

Will neural networks have low serotonin levels as well?

(excerpt from my WIP text about antidepressant phenomenology - I’ll probably cut this part)

I touch my wrist and the pressure activates a chip we now implant to every newborn baby. Touch once for neurotransmitter levels. Touch twice and you a network of nodes prints readouts of your digestive activity right into your optical nerve. I should feel good and I see I should feel good. With a quick gesture the numbers fade.

Pathological, involuntary psychogeography. My reflective consciousness maps every corner, screening periphery vision for signs of potential threats. On the bad days, streets feel like a multi-layered mine-field. Distances contract and expand, the flow of movement disrupted by sudden ruptures. What once was a careless movement, becomes a crooked path from A to B. The city was not made for me and yet I choose it every day as my habitat.

Affordances of digital technologies feed into my compulsions. It's a blessing and a curse. My condition becomes intertwined with Google Maps, Google Street View, Wikipedia, medical journals and discussion boards. I sometimes imagine that I would be living without a device capable of checking any speculative condition I feel I can have in a matter of seconds - would I be worse, or better? Maybe that's a meaningless question as all that matters is now. Did I already said that my OCD started when I got a new phone? Weird feedback loop of technology-enabled affects, emotions, reflexes and fears. I can trace the start, but cannot see the end. With every street checked for potential danger I wonder, how many could have changed between the year Google say the street view was taken. Walter Benjamin would love me. I have a big archive of selfies, taken when there's no mirror nearby, to check if my eyes aren't hurt. Two swipes and you can dissolve and confide your intrusive fear in the lens and 8 megapixel sensor.

OCD gets accelerated by technological developments, bringing forth new ways to cope and to fear as well. Sometimes I think that I was born in the wrong age. My relationship with automation is very ambivalent - it is emancipatory, but what about all the lasers I fear? At the same time, self-check counters are often more safe. Weird paradox. Am I a result of social conditions or just an accident?

My condition also makes me hurtfully aware of my sensuality. We can talk, write or make contemporary art for as long as we want, but really we are all alone. In high school, I wondered at times if everyone feels the same way about having a face as me. Try to describe what does it feel to feel. Impossible. Yet I have to try.

When I ride a tram after being struck by anxiety about cigarette burning my eyes, I swear I can almost feel my corneas, a thin wall between the reflected light from which objects arise and my retinas and nerves processing those signals. When I lie in my bed, wondering if the sensation I feel is just psychosomatic or I was actually hurt, I am torn apart between logics and affect. I think I know nothing happened, but I don't feel it. Essential duality of bodily signs and their interpretation. Thousand Plateaus in reverse, body-becoming-aware-of-its-organs. Un-becoming, or rather becoming from the other side. I cannot remember how I used to put on my clothes before I was afraid of myself.

When I fear I might have damaged my retinas, I blink against a white surface, trying to find anything unusual. Since I couldn't find any actual images of retinal burns online, I can only imagine they look like spots. I maybe have one. But such inquiry also makes you terribly aware of all the other mass that your brain then filters out, makes into coherent whole. In no particular order: floaters (you know, worm-like stuff), moving white dots (actually stuff in veins), black structures (actual veins), hourglass, blind spot, second blind spot, visual snow, opening of optical-nerve (just before falling asleep).

Did you know that when you move your eyes, you go blind for a sec and our brain makes up the imagine so motion blur won't make us dizzy? We are all living in illusions, one millisecond after another. All the talk about realism feels wrong. I guess Kant was right, after all.

[mustardyellowsunshine]

Tag! You're it! Post one selfie from 10 years ago, 5 years ago, and from today.

You know, when I first saw this ask, I thought, “But dude, ten years was so long ago, I won’t even have selfies from then.” And then I realized: it was 2007 ten years ago. OTL What even is time.

Okay, ‘Nony, buckle up!

10 years ago:

I was goofing around in an old castle in northern Wales. 

5 years ago: 

(I hope my pale pink skin doesn’t burn your retinas.) I loved this haircut. It was fun and super low maintenance, and actually worked with my curly hair. But man, it was a pain to grow back out. 

From today yesterday: 

I thought the top was cute. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

[thegloober]

How to decide: Picking the 2018 iPhone that's right for you

If you’re having trouble remembering the difference between the 2018 iPhone models, think of it this way. The iPhone XR is the reduced cost model. The iPhone XS is excessively expensive and the iPhone XS Max is excessively expensive, to the max.

2018 iPhone pricing, compared

32GB 64GB 128GB 256GB 512GB iPhone XS Max $1,099 $1,249 $1,449 iPhone XS $999 $1,149 $1,349 iPhone XR $749 $799 $899 iPhone 8 Plus $699 $849 iPhone 8 $599 $749 iPhone 7 Plus $569 $669 iPhone 7 $449 $549

This year, Apple discontinued its small iPhone SE model. Many folks, including my wife, prefer the smaller physical size of the SE over the larger phones, so its discontinuance is unfortunate. Also unfortunate is the loss of the $349 entry price for a new iPhone. Now, if you’re in the market for a “new” iPhone, a base level iPhone 7 (introduced two years ago) is $449.

Also: How easy is it to break the new Apple iPhone XS and iPhone XS Max?

At the top end of the market Apple has pushed the spend to a whopping $1,500, with a fully-equipped 512GB iPhone XS Max.

While Apple is still selling the Home button-based iPhone 7 and iPhone 8 series, Apple is now fully committed to Face ID and the Home buttonless X-style phones. No phones with Home buttons were introduced for 2018.

TL;DR guide

Here’s the short form of this article. If you want comparatively cheap but don’t mind earlier obsolescence, get an iPhone 7.

If you want Touch ID and a Home button, you’ll probably want an iPhone 8 or 8 Plus.

If you want all the new, slick camera features along with animoji and memoji, then you’ll want an X-series device. If you want the cheapest X-series device with most of the best features, get an iPhone XR.

If you want as big a display as possible, then you’ll want the iPhone XS Max.

And if you want all the new hotness, but have smaller hands, the “just right” (but pretty expensive) phone is the iPhone XS.

Got it? Good. Now let’s do our deep dive.

The dollar decision

As the chart above shows, there’s a wide range of devices and prices available. As has been its practice for many years now, previous years’ models are available for down-market consumers. The one interesting difference is that last year’s iPhone X has been discontinued, not price reduced. It’s gone from Apple’s sales page.

That said, Apple took a page from its iPhone 5c adventure and introduced a lower cost model with a wide range of colors, this time called the iPhone XR. The iPhone XR is priced at a full $250 less than its iPhone XS brother with the same RAM footprint.

Also: iPhone XS: A cheat sheet for professionals TechRepublic

In fact, the pricing math is relatively clear for the same RAM footprint. The iPhone 8 is $100 less than the iPhone 8 Plus. The iPhone 8 Plus is $50 less than the iPhone XR. The iPhone XR is $250 less than the iPhone XS. And the iPhone XS Max is $100 more than the iPhone XS.

One simple factor stands out. Given the same model, going from the smaller screen to the larger screen is a $100 jump. So if you want a bigger screen, your money decision is really about whether that bigger screen is worth the Benjamin.

Deciding on memory

Another relatively clear decision is memory. Regardless of model, the jump from 64GB to 256GB is $150.

There is a $50 jump on the iPhone XR from 64GB to 128GB and we’ll make that decision easy for you. If you’re getting the iPhone XR, start considering it at the $799 128GB price. Losing half the RAM for fifty bucks will haunt you in the end.

For the XS models, which can go up to 51GB, the jump from 256GB to 512GB is $200. Math also tells us that the jump all the way from 64GB to 512GB is $350.

You need to decide how much RAM you need. I’ll tell you this: I was planning to buy a smaller RAM footprint for my cherished iPhone 6s Plus, but my wife talked me into maxing it out. That extra RAM came in handy as I started doing 4K videos and the extra expense at that time probably bought me two years more use of the phone without needing an upgrade. The hundred bucks I spent going from 64GB to 128GB probably saved me at least two grand.

Color

I’ll be honest. I have no idea what color my iPhone is. As soon as I opened my white iPhone box, I put the phone into a case. That’s pretty much the last time I looked at the color of my device.

2018 iPhone color choices

7 7 Plus 8 8 Plus XR XS XS Max White X Space Gray X X X X Black X X X Yellow X Blue X Coral X (PRODUCT)RED X Silver X X X X X X Gold X X X X X X Rose Gold X X

But I know color is important to some of you. Apple has limited its more vivid colors. Silver, gold, and black (or space gray for the newer phones) are available for most models. Rose gold is now only available for the venerable iPhone 7.

But if you want standout colors like yellow, blue, coral (an orange-like color) or (PRODUCT)RED, then you’re going to have to buy the iPhone XR. On one hand, that’s not a bad thing, because you’re going to save big bucks on the XR. But as we’ll discuss in a moment, the XR is definitely down-equipped from the XS models, so you’ll undoubtedly be losing some functional value.

Fashion or function? The choice is yours.

Device and display size

I talked a lot about size last year when the iPhone X came out. The iPhone X provided a larger display in a smaller package, and the X-models continue that trend this year. This year, it’s a lot more complicated.

The following chart showcases this year’s models (as well as the SE and X). The phone with the smallest physical size (the iPhone SE) is on top, and the phone with the largest physical size (the iPhone 8 Plus) is on the bottom. By physical size, I mean what the phone feels like in your hand, not the size of the display. Note that all sizes are in inches, weights are in ounces, and display size is measured diagonally.

2018 iPhone display comparison

Device Width Height Depth Display Size Weight Resolution Technology iPhone SE* 2.31 4.87 0.30 4.0 4.0 1136 x 640 IPS LCD iPhone 7 2.64 5.44 0.28 4.7 4.87 1334 x 750 IPS LCD iPhone 8 2.65 5.45 0.29 4.7 5.22 1334 x 750 IPS LCD iPhone X* 2.79 5.65 0.30 5.8 6.1 2436 x 1125 OLED iPhone XS 2.79 5.65 0.30 5.8 6.24 2436 x 1125 OLED iPhone XR 2.98 5.94 0.33 6.1 6.84 1792 x 828 IPS LCD iPhone XS Max 3.05 6.20 0.30 6.5 7.34 2688 x 1242 OLED iPhone 7 Plus 3.07 6.23 0.29 5.5 6.63 1920 x 1080 IPS LCD iPhone 8 Plus 3.07 6.24 0.30 5.5 7.13 1920 x 1080 IPS LCD

* iPhone SE and X included for comparison. They are no longer available.

Hands down, if you’re all in based on display size, the iPhone XS Max has the most screen real estate of any iPhone, ever. Interestingly, for that 6.5-inch display, the iPhone XS Max is actually a bit smaller than recent Plus models. That’s because the entire phone’s face (except for the notch, ‘natch) is used for display. Sorry, Home button.

Featured stories

Like the X before it, the XS provides more display than previous generations’ Plus sizes, in a package closer in size to the earlier generations’ non-Plus models. The XS Max just blows all that away, with a 6.5-inch display. To put that in perspective, the iPad mini has a 7.9-inch display. The XS Max is almost a tiny iPad.

One thing to note, though: the iPhone XS Max is heavier than than any of the other iPhones, by a few tenths of an ounce.

There’s a problem, though, when considering the less expensive iPhone XR. While the XR shares many of the features of the other X models, its display is decidedly less grand. It beats the iPhone 7 and iPhone 8 displays, with higher resolution and display size. But even though it’s got about a quarter-inch larger display than the XS, the XR’s resolution is considerably lower. In comparison to the previous generations’ Plus displays, the XR has a display that’s a half inch larger, but at a lower resolution.

Also: iPhone X specs vs. iPhone XS, XS Max, XR: Everything new and better CNET

Apple’s marketing team must have been working overtime, because they gave this outlier display the name Liquid Retina HD. I’m hoping that’s not because the lower resolution on the larger display may wind up making your eyes water.

When you’re choosing your phone, you’ve got a few other size-related vectors to consider. For many, it’s simply about which phone best fits your hand. If you have smaller hands, you may want to stay away from the Plus and Max models.

Then, there’s display technology. Apple has historically used LCD technology, which requires a backlight. With the iPhone X, XS, and XS Max (but, notably, not the XR), Apple is using OLED technology, where each pixel is its own light source. OLED is, generally, a more attractive display and sometimes considered easier to read, but there have been some problems with burn-in on the iPhone X.

In my personal opinion, OLED is a nice-to-have, not a must-have. If the phone otherwise has the features and specs you want, then it’s a bonus to get an OLED display. But I wouldn’t recommend choosing an iPhone model just because its got OLED. iPhone LCD displays are also quite nice.

Cameras

Next up is cameras, and in this case, we’re looking at rear photo cameras, rear video cameras, and front-facing selfie camera. As the chart below shows, the big factors are the number of cameras, whether or not portrait mode and portrait lighting are available, and the availability of an optical zoom.

2018 iPhone rear-facing camera comparison

7 7 Plus 8 8 Plus XR XS XS Max # Cameras 1 2 1 2 1 2 2 Portrait Mode – Yes – Yes Yes Yes Yes Portrait Lighting – – – Yes Yes Yes Yes Megapixels 12 12 12 12 12 12 12 Wide angle aperture f1.8 f1.8 f1.8 f1.8 f1.8 f1.8 f1.8 Telephoto aperture – f2.8 – f2.8 – f2.4 f2.4 Digital zoom 5x 10x 5x 10x 5x 10x 10x Optical zoom – 2x – 2x – 2x 2x

For fans of portrait mode, the big take-away is that, like last year’s iPhone X, the smaller iPhone XS comes with dual rear cameras and therefore provides all the features and benefits of a second, telephoto camera.

In terms of video recording, as the chart below shows, the big differences live in frames-per-second. Everything from the iPhone 8 on can record 4k video in 24 fps, which is a big deal for those making movies or who like that cinematic feel. The other big change is that all three X-series devices can record 1080p video slow motion in either 120 or 240 fps, which means you can have a higher quality, slower version of that kitten jumping over a puppy.

2018 iPhone video camera capability comparison

7 7 Plus 8 8 Plus XR XS XS Max 4K video fps 30 30 24, 30, or 60 24, 30, or 60 24, 30, or 60 24, 30, or 60 24, 30, or 60 1080p video fps 30 or 60 30 or 60 30 or 60 30 or 60 30 or 60 30 or 60 30 or 60 720p video fps 30 30 30 30 30 30 30 Slo-mo 1080p fps 120 120 120 120 120 or 240 120 or 240 120 or 240 Slo-mo 720p fps 240 240 240 240 – – – Optical zoom – 2x – 2x – 2x 2x

Those of you who are all about the selfie should be able to read the following chart with ease.

2018 iPhone selfie camera comparison

7 7 Plus 8 8 Plus XR XS XS Max FaceTime HD Yes Yes Yes Yes – – – TrueDepth – – – – Yes Yes Yes Megapixels 7 7 7 7 7 7 7 Portrait Mode – – – – Yes Yes Yes Portrait Lighting – – – – Yes Yes Yes Animoji – – – – Yes Yes Yes Memoji – – – – Yes Yes Yes Retina Flash Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes Aperture f2.2 f2.2 f2.2 f2.2 f2.2 f2.2 f2.2

The X-series devices provide a TrueDepth camera. This, of course, enables Face ID, which is how you’ll unlock your X-series phones. But given the added sensors, you can use the TrueDepth camera to provide portrait mode selfies and portrait lighting.

Apple iPhone XS event

Beyond that, for those of you who prefer to face the world as a cartoon or a furry, you can create and use animojis and memojis in all your selfies and FaceTime discussions. That’s right. The ultimate culmination of millions of years of evolution and human innovation is a device where you can stick out your tongue and an animated avatar can emulate your rude expressions in all their glory. We’re goin’ to hell, Marge. We’re goin’ to hell.

The camera alone may be a big factor for many of you. If you’re interested in portrait mode, then you’re going to want to choose among the X-series devices. The big win this year is for those on a budget. You can get many of those more advanced features in the relatively lower-cost iPhone XR.

Other decision factors

Last year, I spent a lot of time on the decision between Face ID and Touch ID. I’m a big fan of Touch ID on the Home button and the X-series phones discard both. Given the lack of either feature on any of the new-model phones, it’s pretty probable that those features are gone forever, and we might as well get used to Face ID.

That said, if you hate Face ID, your choice is only the pre-X devices. One thing to note, though. Apple improves processor performance every year, and the new A12 Bionic chip includes a so-called next generation Neural Engine, which does improve Face ID performance compared to that of the iPhone X.

The new X-series phones (including the XR) are supposed to be more splash and water resistant than previous generation phones. That means if you drop yours in a toilet, you might be able to still use it after drying it off. But I wouldn’t count on this feature — just take better care of your phone.

And, of course, there’s the notch. While the X-series phones use a lot more of the front face of the phone than previous generations, they accomplish that by not only eliminating the home button, but by adding a set of cameras and sensors that take up screen real estate. This is the “notch,” a small cut-out chunk at the top of the screen. For most apps, it’s not too noticeable, but if you’re watching wide screen video in landscape mode, you might need to get used to the idea of a little chunk on the left being cut out for sensor space.

While I’ve used wireless charging ever since the iPhone 6s with an aftermarket charger, wireless charging has been available on iPhones since the iPhone 8. If you don’t want to plug in your phone to charge it, anything after the iPhone 7 will do you.

Special considerations for iPhone 7 and iPhone XR

If you’re a budget buyer, there are some important factors we advise you to consider before purchasing either the iPhone 7 (the cheapest of the Home button iPhones) and the iPhone XR (the new X-series budget model).

Look, if you want a new iPhone and you can’t afford a more expensive device, the iPhone 7 is a great phone at an almost affordable price. Our primary concern with the iPhone 7 is longevity. New iOS releases generally support phone platforms up to about five years old. That means, generally, you can get about five years worth of OS support when you buy a phone.

The problem is, the iPhone 7 is already two years old. So if you’re planning on buying an iPhone 7 now, you’re likely to get two less years’ usable life than you would if you bought one of the more expensive models. That said, since you can buy two iPhone 7’s for a hundred bucks less than the price of a single iPhone XS, you may just want to save the bucks and just trade up in a few years.

As for the iPhone XR, you do get many of the iPhone X-series features for $250 less. That’s a lot of money to save and is only $50 more than an equivalently-equipped iPhone 8 Plus. While you don’t get quite the same screen resolution or screen quality, and you only get one rear camera instead of two, it’s a compelling offering. If you want to future-proof your purchase, use the latest iOS gimmicks, and save money (not to mention the blue color is sweet), you may well want to go the XR route.

ZDNet’s world-famous iPhone decision tree

Here it is. It’s finally time for us to present you with this year’s big decision tree for purchasing a 2018 iPhone. Here are some of our recommendations.

If you want as much screen as possible and money is no object, go for the iPhone XS Max. It’s almost like getting an iPhone and an iPad mini in the same package.

If you want animoji, memoji, and portrait mode, you’ll want one of the X-series phones.

If you’re all about selfies, get an X-series phone.

If you want those features, don’t care about the slicker OLED display, and want to save a ton of cash, get the iPhone XR.

If you want a higher-quality, higher resolution OLED display and want a small phone, get the iPhone XS (but it will cost you).

If you need 512GB, then get either an iPhone XS or iPhone XS Max.

If you’re still committed to Touch ID and the Home button, get an iPhone 8 or 8 Plus.

If you want a blue, orange, yellow, or red phone, get an iPhone XR. Better yet, get a case.

If you want wireless charging, don’t get an iPhone 7 or 7 Plus.

If you want to save as much money as possible, get the iPhone 7, but be aware it will obsolete sooner.

One more thing

Those of you who bought an iPhone X last year may be considering upgrading to the iPhone XS. Honestly, unless you want the bigger screen size of the iPhone XS Max, there’s not really many compelling reasons to upgrade. The XS is just a slightly faster X.

So there you are. Are you one of those folks who’ll go the full monty and get an iPhone XS Max, maxed with 512GB? Let me know in the comments below.

You can follow my day-to-day project updates on social media. Be sure to follow me on Twitter at @DavidGewirtz, on Facebook at Facebook.com/DavidGewirtz, on Instagram at Instagram.com/DavidGewirtz, and on YouTube at YouTube.com/DavidGewirtzTV.

Source: https://bloghyped.com/how-to-decide-picking-the-2018-iphone-thats-right-for-you/

[conspiracy-talk-blog]

New Post has been published on CTN News

New Post has been published on

The Apple Company Reacts to the Market With New Items

  New items are on their way from Apple. The technology firm made it clear they have plenty of items in its pipeline at their WWDC Conference this month.

First off is the company’s answer to Amazon’s Echo as well as Google’s Home called the HomePod. It is a 7 inch unit which will incorporate Siri into an Echo/Home like case. You can use it to look for the news, weather and control your smart home gadgets.

HomePod will offer an enhanced popular music experience. A feature referred to as “Musicologist” works with Apple music as well as stream the songs you request from Siri. The audio was created to fill the surrounding and go to a place over and above what Amazon online marketplace and Google are offering to you.

The device will be obtainable in black or white. Costs are around $349. The launch date is anticipated within December just in time for the christmas season.

Need to have a brand new desktop computer? Apple is updating its iMac with improved retina displays, a boost in visuals, Kaby Lake processors along with a USB-C plug-in.

An iMac Pro is also in route. This high-end machine features a 5K display using improved cooling down capability, and 8-core Xeon processor chip that is upgradeable up to 18-core. It also includes up to 4TB of SSD, up to 128GB of ECC memory space, four Thunderbolt 3 ports, and built-in 10GB Ethernet.

Pricing is what you would be expecting out of Apple. The brand new iMac starts off at $1,099 for the 21.5-inch model, and $1,299 for the 4K model. MacBook Pro starts at $1,299, which include the up-to-date Kaby Lake processor. For all those with deep pockets the iMac Pro using the Xeon cpu starts at a whopping $4,999. Once again a Dec shipping and delivery date in predicted.

Speaking of “Pros” how about a whole new iPad Pro? The product is going to be obtainable in three sizes such as a brand new 10.5 inch model. Exactly like the iPhone 7 it comes with a 12-megapixel digital camera plus a 7MP selfie cam.

The iPad Pro facilitates Universal serial bus 3.0 with 10 hours of life of the battery. A fresh attribute known as ProMotion cuts down on the Apple Pencil’s latency to 20 milliseconds. It adjusts the refresh rate based on what you are viewing and will double it up to 120Hz. The 10.5 ” iPad Pro starts with a 64GB arrangement. Rates will begin at $649. You are able to purchase one now.

Also of note which is Apple’s new operating system, iOS11. It is in beta stage and has been released to developers. One area it’ll improve is multi tasking on the iPad. End users will be able to pull-up an app through the dock as well as drag it to the screen in split-screen variation.

Like a MacBook you may use touch to hold plus drag folders, data or photographs. You may also drop them in a unique app such as Mail or iMessage. This Apple Pencil will also allow hand-written written text to be searchable on the Notes app.

The Apple inc Watch is likewise getting a “face lift”. New faces will display new components of information and facts such as Siri reminders. A workout Focus update provides NFC-enabled data sharing using gym equipment. Pair the two and you get the latest calorie burn and level of activity.

The apple company is making developers know their tree is filled with interesting new products as well as upgrades.

It will be interesting to watch how the general public responds in this latest round of Apple inc selecting.

[beautifullyperfectlyflawed]

I haven't done a photo dump in a while so I guess it's time 🤷🏼‍♀️

[beautifullyperfectlyflawed]

[beautifullyperfectlyflawed]

But did I even clean my apartment if I didn't take a picture of me in the middle of chaos, clothes falling off, hair in a messy bun, and a nursing bra peeking out?

[beautifullyperfectlyflawed]

I'm a lost cause

Baby, don't waste your time on me

I'm so damaged beyond repair

Life has shattered my hopes and my dreams

[beautifullyperfectlyflawed]

The difference almost a year makes....💕

[beautifullyperfectlyflawed]

Just a reminder that I am the cutest even when I'm a hot mess 💁🏼‍♀️