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gallowswhump · 3 years ago

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Snowy Memories Part I

Sawyer finds herself finally able to look into the illusive past of strange empire officer Ash Hawthorne.

CW: Implied Child Abuse, Death, Drinking (heavily/recreational) , murder, swearing, violence, warfare, weapons

Dragging a man through a snowy planet is not what most people thought they would end up doing on any given day. This is certainly not what Sawyer planned when she had started her morning on the Tangerine. A ship gaining its namesake from the paint job it’s pilot had given it. There had been a terrible battle that the ship had been part of over Illum. She had done everything that she could to get the rest of the crew out and to safety of a nearby rebel ship but she did not fair the same luck there. Where she did is that she came out of the crash to the planet unscathed. Nothing broken, plenty of harsh bruises but she could deal. It had caused her to notice the nearby imperial fighter that had crashed earlier into the battle. When she first headed towards it she didn’t know what drove her but when she found the unconscious body of Captain Hawthorne she knew why. Something about him had always drawn his and her fate to cross. He had the power of the force with him but that wasn’t the only perplexing thing about him. He had always been a strange officer to her. Causing intrigue about his life and today she was going to get her answers.

She finds a cave and is so glad that the imperial ship was well stocked enough with a small fire kit for emergencies. It wasn’t common and she wondered if that was another doing of the imperial officer. She calmly gets a fire started, no use in patching up the imp if he froze to death. She moves over to him to get a good look at his injuries. He has a cut on his forehead which is likely the cause of his current unconsciousness. Otherwise he seemed fine. No bleeding, at least externally. She hits him with a stim pack just in case to deal with anything internal and is glad that it’s not enough to wake him. She wants to see his past. While normally her visions would be limited to past events and feelings she was on Illum. She could feel the force flowing through her here. So, she calmly sets her hands on Hawthorne’s arm and tries to dial in on his past.

Sawyer pulls and tugs on the threads of Hawthorne's life. She’s not sure where to start as everything is open up to her. She guesses to make a start with Imperial bootcamp, looking for significant memories there.

There is a sinking feeling that comes to the surface. The feeling of concern and worry that comes from new people and new experiences. Walking down a long hall white walls on either side. Footsteps permeate behind him. Sawyer can feel the weight of the bag that he’s carrying with him and it feels almost too light for someone who was starting a new portion of their life. Especially someone as silver spooned as Hawthorne was. Hawthorne comes to a stop looking between the two doors then at the assignment papers and keys in his hands. He quickly swipes a key over the door panel. He almost seems surprised that someone else is already in the room but they were double bunks. The surprising feeling of attraction hits Sawyer. She would have never taken Hawthorne as someone like that. He’s a human and he looks like every other imp as far as Sawyer is concerned. Hawthorne has a hand touch his shoulder firmly, a reminder of something that sends him back into the feeling of dread. He looks up and Sawyer can only guess the hand comes from the older Hawthorn. A man she knew as an admiral these days. She never realized that the two might be related. If they are, the younger one does not look much like his father. There are implications to those that she notes down as to only making Hawthorne more and more complex.

“Hello,” The other boy smirks walking up. “I’m Korry Burkem.”

“Ash Hawthrone,” he offers up his hand and it’s taken for a friendly handshake. The hand leaves his shoulder and Ash looks over it, his father turning to leave.

“I see, got into the officer program on pure nepotism.”

Ash looks back at a harsh glare coming to his face, “I would watch your tongue.”

The man laughs, “That bad huh?”

Ash doesn’t understand how someone can be so jovial, insulting him, “What?”

“Well you seem pretty offended so either one of two things, you’re taking this way too seriously, you tried super hard and failed to get in on your own merit, or you were top of your class and take yourself way too seriously.” A mix of feelings overtook Ash, a prevelient one being shame. He turns away, stepping past the other to get into the room. “Oh… Hey, I’m sorry. Didn’t mean to actually touch a nerve there.”

Ash shakes his head, “Don’t worry about it.” He sets down the surprisingly small suitcase on the bed and throws it open. Inside was a data pad, soft black sheets, a blanket softer and blacker than the sheets, a week's worth of clothes, some personal care… and that was it. For someone who was so rich, so silver spooned he hadn’t packed a lot. Even the Jedi who were known for being anti-martialist would still have personal items, mementos, a hoby. Ash didn’t seem to have any of that. Sawyer searches his emotions trying to find something to explain.

There she found fear and uncertainty. Someone who didn’t know who he was or what he wanted to do. Someone who had been dragged through life in the shadow of his father. There was no joy or want to become an officer but it was the only thing that was expected of him.

Sawyer tries to go looking back wanting to see his pass but as she’s looking there is a sudden jerk of sickening motion. Swaying. She guessed this is what it was like to be drunk. Loud music pounds making it hard to hear anything and it takes her a moment to fix in on the convestation. Ash is enraptured with Korry. “Yeah I passed my flight exams with flying colors. You did well on yours too right?” A small nod as Ash’s attention drifts to the couple behind them, it was some sort of superior cadet if there was any guessing by rank. He was with some very pretty woman who had just gotten up temporarily it seemed. She headed towards the bathroom and Ash watched his mind drifting away from the conversation as he sees the cadet take something from his pocket and drop it into the unattended drink. He sucks in a breath quietly trying to focus on Korry again like he didn’t see anything. “You drifted, didn't you?”

Ash chuckles softly, “Sorry, I think I’ve had a little too much.”

“Luckily we’re walking back.”

“Yeah.” Ash smiles leaning forward into the bar. “It doesn’t matter what my scores were.”

“Right… the nepotism thing. You did good though, right?”

“Yeah, I’m one of the top in my classes, it's just…”

“All that work for nothing because that score would be the same no matter what.”

A small sigh, “Yeah…” Ash looks up, fidgeting his leg when he sees the girl come back smiling. She’s talking to the cadet but with the music he can’t hear her. Korry looks over his shoulder.

“What’s got you bothered over there? See something you like?”

“Ah-” Ash looks to Korry wondering how a man could be so oblivious to someone’s feelings before he stands up. “Give me a moment.” He scoots the chair out and heads over to the two just in the nick of time as the girl picks up the glass.

“Hey!” He gets a glare from the cadet. Clearly there is already some sort of animosity there. The girl does stop her drink looking unamused that her good time is being interrupted. “I wouldn’t drink that.” Ash motions with his hand towards the other man. “I saw him put something in it.” She looks to him, then to the cadet, then to where Ash was sitting.

“No, why would I have done something like that!?” The cadet looks worried and defensive as he puts his hands up. She puts the drink to the side and then gets up.

“I think I need to head home anyways. I had fun…” She sounds really unsure of if that was true now. Ash nods to her stoney faced as she walks away. She’s out of sight when Ash is pushed.

“The hell you think you’re doing Hawthorn!?”

Ash turns and huffs, keeping his posture, “Stopping you from getting court martialed.” He’s lying about his reasons.

“I don’t need some fucking junior to do that.”

“Then maybe don’t go putting things in womens drinks and get them to sleep with you the old fashioned way like the rest of us.” He’s smug for just a second before a punch comes across his face that sends him reeling. He stumbles backwards clutching at the side of his head where the impact was.

“Watch your mouth.’”

Korry is between them in a second, “Hey let’s break it up.” He pulls his arm around Ash pulling him to the side as he’s suddenly gone pale. “Ash, you’re drunk come on let’s get out of here.” He looks over his shoulder glaring at the other cadet to drop it. He’s pulled out of the bar and the scene shifts.

It’s clearly later that night and by the familiar feeling of sick in Ash, it’s after a period of throwing up his guts. They’re back in that same room from before. He’s sitting on Korry’s side which even out of the peripheral was colorful and decorated with model ships and pin up posters of several popular imperial cruisers. Across from him is his own side. Even after being lived in it looks so empty and put together. Korry comes into the room, a cloth in his hand. He sits up next to Ash pressing it gently into his face. “Sorry about tonight,” Ash mumbles out.

“Don’t worry about it. It takes guts to do something like that around here. Standing up to a superior. You are going to make yourself super unpopular though.”

“I know,” Ash groans. “Too bad you didn’t get to go home with anyone like you wanted.”

“Would have been awkwards anyways,” Korry laughs, smiling. “Besides I technically did get to go home with you.” Ash looks at him, in his state he can’t tell if Korry is just joking or joking with meaning behind it.

“What?”

Korry shakes his head, “Come on Ash I’m not oblivious.” The other turns his head away knowing that this can not lead to anything good no matter the outcome. “Hey, don’t be like that.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Really?” Korry smirks, leaning forward. “So it wouldn’t cause anything to happen if I did this.” He moves Ash’s face with the hand already pressed into it so he’s facing him and gives a soft kiss to his lips. Ash can’t help himself as he melts, kissing back and leaning forward. Ash keeps close after Korry pulls back, taking in a deep breath. He’s trying to stay calm.

“Please tell me you meant it.”

“I did.”

They’re older now but they’re snuggled up together in the same small room. The posters have all been taken down from Korry’s side and with the boxes and bags it was clear that this wouldn’t be their home for long. “Do you ever think about running away?”

Ash pauses and he looks up to Korry, “No we have duties to fulfill.”

“Come on, don't you think we could be out there doing good?”

“What better good could there be than serving the empire?”

“...I trust you…” Ash looks over to him knowing that he was going to regret what he heard next. “I’ve been doing some research…”

“Korry-” Ash knows that something is wrong deep in the pit of his stomach but he’s scared. Scared of being wrong, scared of leaving himself in a bad position, scared of dying.

“Listen I know what it could cost me but listen… I don’t think we’re being told the truth about everything. I think the Empire is doing some massive injustices and they’re being covered up. Hell, with your work you’ve seen some of it.”

“Stop. We’re not having this conversation.” Ash moves away from Korry and quietly gets up.

“Come on, you have to know-”

“Stop. Even if I did believe you. Defecting would cost us our lives. It’s not worth it. We wouldn’t have anywhere to go.”

“But-”

“Drop it.”

The feeling of fear of loss meld into the next memory, Ash has to be older now. He’s standing on the bridge of a ship looking out at the battle that is going on. Sawyer remembers this battle. It was a couple of years ago when the empire was having a skirmish with the rebellion. They won taking down an entire freight ship but all of their small squads were taken out. Letting a lot of the smaller ships get away with Civilians. She was somewhere helping with that right now. Ash on the other hand was on coms standing alone on the bridge. Doubt lingers in his gut, fear, pain, worry muddled with it. “Give the order,” Voice in his ear goes off.The voice gives to feelings of hate and anger. He moves back over to the control systems clutching the edge of them watching the little blips on radar. “Ashlynn, do not make me give the order.” Something wet hit’s his face. He’s crying.

There is another long pause before Ash presses his com button and speaks his voice unnervingly calm, “Target the main ship.”

One com link blinks up labeled as white squadron lead, “Sir are you sure?” It was Korry’s voice.

“It’s an order white squad.” Sawyer knew that that turned the battle and Ash knew how many people he had just gotten killed. The only hope that he had was that Korry would make it out alive.

“You killed him!” Anger, extreme hate comes though and Sawyer wants to flinch away from the extreme emotions.

“He died in the line of duty which was probably for the best.” Admiral Hawthorne now in full view was certainty Ash’s father and the voice matched the one giving orders from earlier. He stares cold at the anger he has been faced with.

“There were better ways to win that fight! One that would have gotten less men killed!”

“Probably,” His father muses. “Not one that would have taken out the freighter.”

Ash turns away, “Just get out of here unless you plan on marshalling me.”

There is a long moment of silence between the two men before the Admiral speaks, “Korry was found with illegal materials inside of his bunk when it was cleared out.” Ash tenses his shoulders trying to control his emotions. “Did you know anything about his doubts? He would have likely betrayed us if he had not died in the line of duty.”

“No sir, I didn’t have any idea.” Ash is lying.

“No sense in crying over a traitor.”

“No sir, of course not sir.” He wipes his eyes, straightens his posture but deep down it hurts. It hurts more than any open wound to say something like that.

“Now you have an hour to collect yourself before the congratulations dinner we’re being offered.”

“Of course sir.”

Sawyer was sure that would have been enough for most people, it should have been enough. Doubts of the empire linger through flashes of passing days. She doesn’t get to see much but sees Ash passing out blankets, clothes, and rations to those on the streat. An odd behavior but she was here because of the way Ash was. The next memories settle with the smell of jungle fauna and alcohol. Ash is sitting at a bar, not an empire one. It looks rather touristy but Sawyer isn’t sure where it is. He’s drinking though it doesn’t seem to be too excessive. He finishes one whisky and puts up his drink for another. As he does, someone of some sort of bird race sits next to him and Sawyer knows who this is. A padawan that she was aware of some time ago known for her two handed lightsaber in a goldy color. The race was distinct enough to be memorable. Kari that was her name. “Haven’t seen you around here before.”

There is a small moment, something of recollection even if neither of them know each other. It’s the pull of the force and the acknowledgement of other users. “No, I’ve just been recently assigned.”

“Well your attitude is better than some of the past guys.”

Ash looks over to her wondering if she was serious to talk so braisently about the empire, but they need the people here to like them. There is a feeling there of understanding of why he was out here. He was good at getting people to like him. Then the back feeling of resentment to being shoved onto some far off planet to stay out of the way. He smirks, taking a long drink from his newly refilled glass. “Yeah well, I haven’t seen you around either.”

“I’m a hunter. I only come into town every couple of days. I have a home out in the woods.” Ash is already suspicious of her. He knows her race and their history. She shouldn’t be here.

“Long way from home.”

Kari just smiles, “Eh, I wouldn’t consider the planet that I’m from home.” There is a small nod from Ash he understands the sentiment.

A feeling of friendship blooms as more time passes. Sawyer is then thrown shattered by the panic of betrayal. It’s evening sun is setting and Ash is watching Kari. She is shielding a little girl from a piece of crumbling building, her arm up and the piece of stone and mortar is floating in the air. The girl is wide eyed in fascination before she scoots away, Kari moves as well keeping the rock suspended. “I won’t tell your mom you were around here if you don’t tell anyone what you saw okay?” The girl gives a sheepish nod running the opposite direction of where Ash is standing. Kari sets the debris down carefully before she looks over to see Ash. She freezes before bolting off into the forest.

“Wait!” Ash calls after her before taking off after her.

Ash was surprisingly good at running through the forest but Kari had lived in these woods. She was faster but Ash was able to keep up following his hearing and something else that he couldn’t explain leading him to her. He is soon met with a Thundein, a smaller version of a fathier but with the added defense of electric charges that would discharge off it’s spine. Ash quickly stumbles back falling to the ground, taken off guard as it sparks and snarls at him. Kari is above in a nearby tree. “Ash, leave.”

He looks up to her trying to go back to his cool demeanor. “What exactly is your plan?”

“I don’t know.” She admits sitting down looking defeated. “I didn’t think anyone was around let alone you.”

Ash slowly stands bushing off his pants taking a good step away from the still snarling creature, “I’m not going to turn you in.”

She looks down before rolling her eyes and not meeting his, “I’m not stupid Ash.”

“You saved Kwasi. If you didn’t step in she would have been flattened.” He watches as the Thunderin lowers the hair down it’s spine. “I would hate to explain to a mother that I’m detaining the person who saved her daughter because of how they saved her.” Kari looks over him searching. “You have to be more careful in the future. I can be lenient but I can not say the same thing for my fellow officers.” He turns away heading back towards the town.

“Captain Hawthorne.” Ash is exhausted, overworked looking at the pile of paperwork he had on his desk. It looked like it was getting the planet he was on ready for some kind of command base. He looks up the man addressing him is a commander a couple of ranks higher than him.

“Commander,” Ash nods.

“What do you know about the Sathari in town?”

“Kari?” Ash asks in earnest on the outside but panic swells on the inside.

“You know her name?”

“She’s friendly at the bar when she comes into town.” Ash justifies.

“I see…” The commander turns his head looking over to the smattering of accommodations. “I hear you are a very good interrogator.”

“That’s correct…my methods aren’t orthadox by any means.”

“That’s all very fine…I need you to interrogate her.”

“What? Why?”

“I spotted her in the woods hunting and using abilities that are… frowned upon by the empire. I suspect her to have relations with the traterious Jedi.”

Ash sits back in shock, “I would have never thought...her? Are you sure?”

“Quite.” He nods before getting up.

“One condition.” An eyebrow is raised. “I need full access to the cameras.” A nod of agreement and a smirk. “I assume you have already called the inquisitors as well.”

“Yes but we can save them some time…”

Ash looks up paranoidly checking the camera light to make sure it wasn’t on. He glances over to Kari who is looking down sitting cross legged on her bed. “I didn’t sense anyone out there…” She shakes her head, tears falling down her beak. Ash sighs and he looks back behind him at the door which was still slightly open thoughts were racing through his head about how he could get him and her out of this situation.

“I’m sorry.”

“Ash you can not let the inquisitors take me or get to my things.” Ash pauses and he looks over her , inhaling a breath.

“There isn’t a way I can get you out of here and guarantee that.”

“I know.” Ash shakes his head. “You know where my home is correct?”

“Yes.”

“My lightsaber is there. I told the commander I didn’t have one. He didn’t seem to believe me but…”

“Kari…” Ash knows what she is implying with all of this. “There has to be another way.”

“Not one with a guarantee. If I get brought to the inquisitors there is no guarantee that you will come out without at least an investigation. Not only that but I know things. Locations of other Jedi… I can’t let that knowledge fall into the hands of the inquisitors. Please.”

“We’re going to have to make it look believable.” Ash turns his head putting his hand on his belt where his blaster pistol was.

“Please tell me you’re a good shot.”

Ash gives a desperate chuckle, “Don’t worry about that.”

“Please promise me that you’ll keep my things safe.”

“I will do everything in my power Kari.”

“Okay, get ready to duck.” She motions to the panel behind him. Ash moves in a second ducking out of the way of the panel that comes barreling off the wall and towards his head. Then it is one shot to the center of her chest. It isn’t too long before the commander comes in yelling. The rest of the memory is lived through but it’s a numb blur.

There is a fear that is only felt when death is a certainty. Ash is struggling with that fear as a lightsaber is threatened. There Sawyer is looking back at herself cloaked in the harsh lights of the small imperial base and the soft blue light of her lightsaber. Then there is something realized by her causing her face to shift. “I would never expect an imp like you to be strong in the force.” Ash still has that fear to him but confusion starts to set in. His brows furrow as his mind starts racing His ability to lie, his connection to Kari, his ability to know when something bad was going to happen. Something suddenly clicked but the revelation itself was terrifying. He knew better than anyone what the fate of those who had connection to the force would be. There is no change in his facial expression but Sawyer remembered feeling his distress in that moment. “You didn’t know?” Ash just keeps an icy glare at her. Sawyer wasn’t sure why she had stepped away from Ash and didn't kill him. She wasn’t sure if it was the force in general or if it was Ash’s own powers forcing her away. Either way a strong relief comes over the officer as she turns and runs to meet with her companions.

#Implied Child Abuse #Death #Drinking (heavily/recreational)#murder #swearing #violence #warfare #weapons #star wars OC #Ash's Story #And IV of IV stay tunned for more

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