#bump this once a week for your mental health

[irrec]

Jelly | Andre Nickatina

[yoditopascal]

Like A Prayer (Part One)

summary: best friends with wade you’re always being dragged into something even when he’s not trying to, what are you to do when you find the fate of your timeline in the hands of yourself, your chaotic merc and an angry wolverine who’s hellbent on drinking himself to death?

content warning: romance, some angst, a little fluff, character deaths, canon-typical violence, smut, lots of cussing, mutual pining, found family, drug and alcohol use, reader insert but with no use of y/n cuz I hate that shit, deadpool being deadpool, mentions of poor mental health (depression anxiety and ptsd mostly), scent marking, the honda odyssey scene needs a warning all on its own MINORS DNI

a/n: lots of wade in this one but no wolverine just yet!

tag list: @allmyn1ghts, @oscarissac2099

Masterlist//Next Chapter

Not Ok

Flashes of images invaded your mind. You were in a tank, arms restrained to your sides as the oxygen was slowly sucked out of the chamber, suffocating you. Your nails digging into the leather cushioning beneath you as you try to claw your way out.

Now you were strapped to a table, an array of needles embedded into your arms and legs as you were injected painfully with all kinds of different things you weren’t even sure of.

You startled awake before the sound of your alarm had a chance to rouse you from your sleep. Groggily you run a shaky hand over your face before rolling over to grab your phone checking the time. You still had about 3 hours before it was time to get up and get ready for work. Knowing you most likely weren’t going to go back to sleep, not that you wanted to anyways, you toss the covers off of you and head to the bathroom.

You turn the water of the shower on, waiting for it to heat up as you stand back up you catch a glimpse of yourself in the bathroom mirror, taking in your disheveled appearance you sigh as you lean over the sink.

There’s visible dark circles under your eyes from being torn from sleep countless times over the last few months. You were sure why the nightmares had started back up again, it had been years since you had been freed from the Weapon X program so why was it all coming back now?

Pulling your tank top over your head you quickly undressed and hopped into the shower. The water cascaded over you, the warmth a welcome relief. You closed your eyes, as you felt your tired muscles slowly start to relax under the soothing spray. Lathering up your soap on a loofa you quickly washed and dried yourself putting on ample amounts of makeup to hide your dark circles.

Once dressed you sat down at your little table in the kitchen and helped yourself to a bowl of cereal as you checked your phone again.

So much shit was happening in the world, genocides, corrupt politicians running for power, starving children. It was all you saw anytime you opened up anything and it was all too much. The world was going to complete shit

You lock your phone and check the time, you still had about an hour before work. Slipping on your shoes you grab your keys and your bag and head out the door nearly bumping into Wade who was munching on a bagel in the hallway.

“Jesus fuck Wade!” You said placing a hand over your rapidly beating heart. “You scared the shit outta me!”

“My bad pookie bear. Didn’t know you worked today.” He said with a shrug adjusting his wig as he did so.

“Almost every day this week.” You said with a sigh rubbing a hand down your tired face. You had been doing that a lot lately. “God I’m so tired.”

“I hear OnlyFans is really popping off right now.”Wade said but it was hard to tell if he was joking or not with his straight face.

“Yeah? So what, you and Vanessa can be my only subscribers?” You snorted with an exaggerated laugh.

“I know for a fact Colossus would pay top dollar for a sneak peak of your toes!”

The sound of your ex's name made you grimace. Not that you had any ill will towards him, you were both still good friends albeit a bit awkward now that you’ve dated for a short time, but you still didn’t want the thought of him anyway near anything sexual you did.

“Hard pass.”

“Suit yourself.” Wade said taking another bite from his bagel and you two walked down the hall together.

You start to rub at your forehead as you felt a headache coming on as you walked, another occurrence that had started to happen more and more often.

“More nightmares?” Wade asks, his voice laced with concern as he watched you.

“Yeah…but don’t worry about it Wade.” You could handle yourself, a few ibuprofen and you’d be fine.

He calls your name, as if to say it’s too late not to be worried about you, but you wave him off as you dig around in your backpack for a second before pulling out a small black envelope.

“Happy birthday by the way! You’re hard as fuck to shop for so I hope you like it.” You smile at him as you hold out the gift hoping to change the subject.

With an exaggerated gasp Wade tosses his bagel behind him and holds up his hands up in surprise before taking the envelope from you, and ripping it open. Inside were two tickets to a Celine Dion concert, one of his favorite artists.

“Oh my-!” He starts with a gasp “I didn’t even know she was touring!” He cried excitedly as he pulled you into a tight hug.

“Yeah I had to basically stalk Ticketmaster for those so you’re welcome.” You said returning the hug.

“Sugar booger! I love it!” He said releasing you.

“Now you just gotta figure out who to take with you.” You said as you bump shoulders with him. “Maybe Peter….oooor I don’t know maybe a certain someone we all know and love who works at a particular strip club that we like to visit on occasion?”

“Peanut…” Wade warned, you held up your hands in surrender. It was like a kid trying to get their divorced parents back together.

“Look, all I’m saying is it wouldn’t hurt to ask her.”

“I’ll think about it.” He says quietly as he stares out deep in thought.

With that the two of you part ways, wishing each other a good day at work, Wade heading for his bike where Peter was waiting and waving at you, and you heading toward the bus stop.

Work at the pet shop was the same as always, mundane and mind numbing but it paid the rent so who were you to complain about it. You had your fair share of zooted teens coming in to ask dumbass questions and waste your time as well as the occasional fish snob who complained about the size of your tanks but all of that was typical of a normal day and honestly made it go by quicker. By the time you realized what time it was it was time to clock out and head on home to help set up for Wade’s surprise party.

Once home you dropped off your bag and changed your clothes putting on a loose fitted t-shirt and jeans with a cardigan before heading over to Wade’s place with a bunch of drinks. You didn’t drink much but everytime Wade went out on a “business trip”, as he called them, back in his Deadpool days he’d bring you back a bottle of something.

Inside Wade and Blind Al’s apartment across the hall, many of your mutual friends were already busy at work setting up for the party. Colossus Ellie and Yukio were busy blowing up balloons and decorating while Dopinder Buck and Vanessa were busy setting up the food spread.

Looking around yourself you felt a small smile tug at the corner of your lips, all around you were the people you and Wade loved the most and you were incredibly lucky to have them in your lives after everything you all had been through over the years. A pang in your chest made you hold a hand over it and your smile dropped. Something still felt missing though and no matter how hard you thought about it you just couldn’t place what it was.

“How you doing sweetheart?” A soft voice pulled you from your thoughts. Whipping around you were pulled into a tight hug by Blind Al.

“I’m doing alright.” You smiled weakly “How’d you know it was me?”

“I’m blind not deaf sweetheart,” she said “ain’t nobody else here sighing that hard but you and Wade and Wade’s not here yet.”

“Sorry.”

“Your dreams still giving you trouble?” She asks as she leads you further into the home.

“I wouldn’t say dreams, more like night terrors but yeah they are a little.” You say as you place the bag said booze you bought on the kitchen counter and follow Al to the living room where she seated herself comfortably in her recliner. “It’s nothing to worry about though.”

“Don’t bullshit a bullshitter baby.”

For someone who was blind Al sure could see right through you sometimes.

“I’m probably just stressed is all.” You try to downplay the situation but Al wasn’t having it.

“It’s been months.” She says matter of factly.

“It’s been a stressful few months.”

“Look… I may not have been there when you and Wade went through what you went through in that program but it’s over now. It’s done and that Ajax guy can’t hurt you anymore.” She said resting a hand in her arm gently.

Al hadn’t been a part of the Weapon X program like you and Wade had been but that hadn’t stopped him from telling her in excruciating detail about all the horrible shit you both had gone through during it.

“I know Al I just-“ you start but stop not fully knowing how to describe what you felt. “I just wish I could switch my brain off, just hit the reset button and be done with it but I- can’t get the memories outta my head.”

“I know sweetheart it’s gonna take time but time ain’t gonna do shit if you don’t let people in to help you.”

You knew she was right but you’d be damned if you’d admit it out loud.

“When did this turn into a therapy session? I thought this was supposed to be a party.”

“Smart ass.” She said tapping you on the leg with her cane. “Go help Vanessa make the jungle juice before he gets home. I’m gonna go see if that dumbass has any Bolivian marching powder left in his stash.” With that she stood to her feet and went to her’s and Wade’s shared bedroom

“Oh Al come on! I thought you guys were done with that.” You called after her with a frown.

“Not till I’m dead babygirl.” She called back and if she could you think she’d wink at you.

Back in the kitchen you and Vanessa make quick work mixing and setting up the drink you bought making light conversation as you do so.

“So-“ she starts off but pauses as if deep in thought for a moment.

“So?” You ask curiously as you take a sip of the alcoholic punch taste testing to see if it needed anything.

“You uh seeing anybody new yet?” She asks.

You nearly choke on your drink in surprise.

“N-no I uh no I’m not.” You stuttered trying to compose yourself. “Are you?”

“Y-yeah there’s this guy. I met him at work, he’s kind.”

You could tell she was lying, but didn’t speak on it.

“Y’know, I hear Colossus has been talking about you to Ellie a lot lately.”

Here we go again you thought.

“Oh nah hard pass we tried that dance already didn’t really work out.” You waved her off, but she continued anyway.

“I’m just saying he’s a nice guy, and he’s big, like everywhere, and made of metal, that’s like totally your thing. Remember when we saw the Winter Soldier and you wouldn’t shut up about Bucky’s metal arm?”

Not she was calling you out.

“Just think about it hun, you're always stuck up in your apartment or at work, you’re lonely and I think a little human connection would do you some good.”

“Yeah alright I’ll think about it.” She smiles at you before caressing your cheek, like she was the big sister you never knew you had.

“But only if you think about giving Wade another chance too.” You slip in “Deal?”

She contemplates for a moment before she smiles back at you again. You knew she still had feelings for the man and so did he.

“Deal.”

Before either of you could change the topic of your conversation the front door opened up again, this time revealing Peter and Wade.

“Surprise!” Everyone shouted as Dopinder Ellie and Yukio threw confetti into the air.

“Oh you guys!” Wade gasps dramatically. “You’re lucky I’m not armed!”

“If this was five years ago you’d all be dead.” He laughed as he went around hugging everyone.

The party went on without a hitch. Wade intermingling with everyone as he was passed around the room. You stayed in your own little corner as you watched sipping on your third drink for the evening. Parties weren’t really your thing but for Wade you’d endure them when you had to. Just as you were about to move to get yourself another drink you spotted Wade and Vanessa talking quietly amongst themselves in the kitchen hovering over the punch bowl. With a smile just glad they were finally talking to each other you thought it better not to disturb them for the time being.

Soon after however you all found yourselves piling into the kitchen as Wade called for everyone to come and cut the cake. Wade snapped a few pictures on Yukio’s Polaroid, making some cheesy speech about how lucky he was to be surrounded each and every person he ever loved in one room, something you rolled your eyes at even though you had found yourself thinking the same thing just earlier, before going to make a wish blowing out his birthday candles as he did so.

The party continued to progress throughout the night and the stuffiness of all the bodies in the room was starting to get to you. Excusing yourself from conversing with Buck and Peter you step out into the hallway for a moment to try and get some air. Your head felt like it was swimming, probably from all the alcohol and not enough food, and you were starting to feel nauseated as a pounding sound hammered through your skull. Eventually you decided to take a step outside to get some actual air to see if that would help.

After a handful of greedy gulps of the fresh night air you finally decide to return to the party before anyone came looking for you. Once inside your hallway you spotted Wade first, but he wasn’t alone this time. Surrounding him were at least 5 guys all dressed in black body armor and masks with weird electrical looking batons in their grasps. Immediately your defenses rose as you silently crept up behind them.

“Oh peanut, you came back! I’d offer to let you join in on the orgy but I don’t think this guy here’s down for sharing me.” Wade quips as he sucks on a breath mint leaning on his doorway. His comment drew most of the men’s attention towards you but not before he drew it back to himself. It seemed that they could care less that you were even there. “He’s got this whole hate sex, love 'em and leave' em vibe going for him right now.”

“Shut your mouth clown!” The guy in the front snaps as he goes to grab Wade by his toupee. Just as he grabs it an orange doorway opens up behind Wade and a pair of arms reach out pulling him inside causing his hair system to get ripped off.

“Wade!” You shout as you sprung into action, using all your weight you shove two of the guys causing the three of you to fall through the strange orange doorway just before it closed behind you.

[lupin-et-rose]

Delivery Service

Inspired by this prompt list

Dazai x Pregnant F!->Reader

Incomplete.

Warnings: Angst & Hurt/Comfort. Beware of mild curing, mentions of pregnancy, lactation, breast pumping, sexual organs, themes of bodily insecurities/dysmoprhia, maternal depression/mental health + Playing it fast and loose with maternity/paternity laws and practices.

Keywords/Kinks: 'Gentle & Commanding'

On a midday morning, you find yourself sitting on the edge of your bed, gazing into the full-length mirror across the room and feeling strangely…distant. Sitting there in what used to be a loose T-shirt, smoothing your hand over the swollen curve of your stomach as you stare at yourself in the full-length mirror, the room is empty, the house is empty, everything is quiet, and you are alone.

Every weekday morning has been like this. Only a few weeks into maternity leave, you already find yourself staring into the bedroom mirror every morning. After Dazai has bustled off to work for the morning and kissed you goodbye. After you’ve had the time to fully wake up and roll your pregnant self upright for the day - you catch your reflection in the full-length mirror, and it stops you in your tracks. Your hands wander over the swollen curve of what used to be a loose and oversized T-shirt. —You barely even recognise yourself anymore….

Staring back at you from that mirror is an almost foreign image. The girl looking back at you has grown. The soft, slender features that had graced her face have expanded a bit, her hips are wider, and the once flat stomach is almost entirely eclipsed by the swollen bump sitting there. That was you…but at the same time, it wasn’t.

You have to admit, the sight was almost surreal. It was hard not to stare at yourself in the mirror, watching the once familiar curves of your body disappear slowly into their soft, gravid shape. You’re so focused on the mirror that you almost don’t notice Dazai standing in the doorway, watching you with that usual soft, lovestruck look on his face. His voice, however, brings you out of your thoughts when he calls to you….

The sound of his voice startles you from your reverie. Sure, she'd sometimes daydreamed about her lover coming home early. But even in all her visions, picturing mirages of his love and comfort…he'd never indeed spoken. So, to hear his voice now-

But that doesn't make sense. He's supposed to be at work right now. The day would've just started, paperwork awaiting at everybody's desk, clients coming through the door. There was no way…The bed creaks beneath you as you crane your neck to see--oh my god, he's actually--

"You're here…"

He smiles in that slow, easy way of his, leaning against the doorframe as his eyes wander down your figure, taking in the subtle changes in your form since he was last in your presence. He makes no move to cross the space that separates you, choosing to watch you instead, taking in the sight of you as he replies.

“Of course I am, did you think I’d miss out on seeing a pretty sight like this?”

"I-I thought you'd already left for work-" Yuzuki glanced at the alarm clock on their bedside table. "It's already half-past ten--"

Dazai chuckles, stepping back from the doorway and entering your room, crossing the space in long strides before moving to sit on the edge of the bed next to you. He reaches out to you, placing a hand on the curve of your stomach as he looks up at you, his smile still in place on his face as he gently rubs his hand back and forth, admiring the bump there.

“A few clients won’t kill me. Besides…”

He grins widely.

“I think I’d rather be here with you than out there.”

"Please tell me you at least cleared things with Fukuzawa before you left-" You scanned your lover's face. The last thing you wanted was for your beloved to risk his job or any good standing with your friends, all for the sake of impulsively playing hooky just to look after you.

Dazai keeps smiling, the hand on your stomach moving up to push a strand of hair behind your ear before kissing your cheek affectionately. He laughs at your question and shakes his head. Of course, he did - he might be impulsive, but he’s not stupid.

“Of course, belladona. I told him I had a very important…responsibility~ that I needed to be here for…”

He smiled, leaning forward to kiss your belly gently. Then he looked back up at you. He was only partially sorry - he could never truly bring himself to feel too guilty for choosing to spend time with you.

You smiled and moved his hand to yours, intertwining your fingers. "Okay," you acquiesced, with just the slightest sigh of relief. "I'm glad you're here…"

Dazai squeezed your hand affectionately, moving over on the bed until he was sitting next to you and pulling you against his side, wrapping an arm around your waist and holding you close to him in a gentle embrace. He tilted his head to the side as he looked down at you, still smiling, his thumb rubbing small, soothing circles against your side. You knew he liked to do little things like this, especially now that you were pregnant. He was always touching your stomach, or gently rubbing your sides, or resting his hands and head on it as he tried to sense for movement.

***

[satxnsupreme666]

Champagne Problems: Agatha Harkness/Agnes x Fem!reader

Masterlist

Based on Taylor Swift’s song “Champagne problems”

Summary: You loved her too early, she loved you too late, will she be able to change things and make amends for what she did?

Words: 4.7k+

Warnings: Angst but in the end is pure fluff

Author’s notes: Hi again!

So, I changed a little bit the original story:

In this one Agatha left the coven before the other witches could do something to her.

F/N means fake name in the story,

This was one of the first stories I wrote three years ago, I had posted them on Tumblr on my old account, but due to my mental health, I had to take a break from Tumblr and the toxicity and hate that had suddenly increased, I deleted all of my stories and my old account, now I have decided to upload them again here on Tumblr and also on Ao3.

Again, as this was one of the first stories I wrote for Agatha Harkness is a little bit short, I will be uploading the rest of the stories from time to time, I have to edit them and make sure they are legible enough and with not a lot of grammatical errors.

I hope you like it! ♥️

Taglist: @eliscannotdance

If you enjoy, could you comment, like or reblog? it would help a lot really ♥️

You knew something was different, something had changed between Agatha and you, you were not sure why, you thought everything was perfect, but maybe you were immersed in how she made you feel, that you had forgotten about the way she felt. You were happy with her and deeply in love with her, you were lucky to have her, she was intelligent, strong, she could memorize pages of spells just by reading them once, she could cast powerful spells and she was the strongest witch in the coven, you doubted yourself, were you not good enough for her? No, that couldn’t be right? She had told you how much she loved you and how much she wanted to spend the rest of her life with you. But then, what had happened? She started to miss your reading dates at the misty forest, she stopped arriving unannounced at your room, she did not visit you like before, you were worried, what had happened?

Even when you went to her room and knocked on her door, hoping that she would open the door, it was never opened, you went from sleeping with her in her own bed to sleep alone in your cold room, you were hurt, but you didn’t know what to do, you wanted to talk with her, you were hoping she would tell you what have caused her change of attitude towards you, maybe you could work things out. Two weeks had passed since you had had a meal together, now you sat down alone at the common room eating your food, you didn’t know what was worse, feeling and being alone in a room full of people, watching how all of them talked to each other, happily enjoying their companies, some witches chattering happily with their group of friends, you also looked at some of the new couples that had formed over the days, you looked sadly at one couple that was sitting right in front of you, one of the girls had her arm around the other and the shorter one rested her head against her chest, you couldn’t stand the sight, it reminded you of how Agatha treated you before, you just felt so alone now.

You were not hungry so you decided to just go to the library, when you entered to the big room, you noticed a few witches sitting in the couch or in the chairs,  all of them were silent, you looked for a book to read, passing your hand through the bookshelves and looking at the different titles, you chose a book that contained information about all the different types of plants, you smiled at the first time that you had met Agatha, it had been right here at this bookshelf, you needed the exact same book to study and when you were looking for it and found it, you took it out of the shelf and when you turned around ready to leave you bumped up against someone, it had been Agatha, it had been the best day of your life, she smiled at you apologizing, and you apologized too, you had told her you were not looking where you were going.

You stopped thinking about that day and automatically went to sit in the corner of the library where you and Agatha would always sit whenever you came to read. You tried to focus on the book in front of you, but you couldn´t, you felt as if your thoughts were louder, the room was almost silent, the other witches were reading silently and your thoughts wouldn’t stop, once again you didn’t know what to do, wherever you went, everything reminded you of your girlfriend. You had returned to your room after silently crying at the corner of the library, with puffy eyes from crying for a long time, you were now sitting in your bed, hugging your legs with your arms, you just wanted Agnes to hold you, you didn’t even know where she was. You were distracted from your thoughts by a repetitive knock on your door, you were confused, who could it be at this hour?

Slowly you got up from your bed, and walked towards the door to open it and when you opened it you were surprised, right in front of you was Agatha, standing there, her baby blue eyes looked tired and she had a weird expression you couldn’t decipher.

- “Can I come in? I need to tell you something important”- She had said to you in a rush, you were confused, you hadn’t seen her in days and now she appeared out of nowhere acting strangely, what was going on?

You let her passed to you room and she started to pace, she looked nervous, you slowly walked towards her, and you slightly touched her shoulder and she turned herself to look at you, her lip trembled, she closed her eyes for a second and when she opened them again you saw she was about to cry, Agatha took both of your hands in hers, she brought them to her lips and kissed the back of your hands.

-“I´m sorry Y/N, I´m sorry for not being here for you, I´m sorry for this, I didn’t mean things to fall like this, you have to believe me when I tell you that I love you, what I feel for you is real, but Y/N I have to leave, I can´t be here anymore, not with you”-

Your lips trembled, you wanted to say something, but you were lost for words, how could she? Why did she have to leave? You tried to think of something, what were you supposed to say after all of that? If she loved you as much as she has told you, why did she was leaving you?

- “Why do you say that? What is going on Agatha? What are you not telling me, you know you can trust me, I´m your girlfriend, we can work things out, we will figure it out, together”-    You said smiling at her, giving yourself and her some hope, however you smiled vanished from your face when she chuckled. She dropped your hands and brought her hands to her face, then she walked to the corner of the room while looking at the ceiling.

- “I can´t be with you”- She blurted out without looking at you Why wouldn’t she look at you? You deserved an explanation, apart from feeling hurt and sad, you were a little bit annoyed and stressed out.

- “What do you mean? You can´t or you don’t want to be with me anymore? Say it to my face or at least give me an explanation, you disappeared for days, I was worried about you, I didn’t know if something had happened to you! And now you just come here and say this to me! Look at me at least, would you?”-   You said to her almost yelling

She turned around hastily to look at you and threw her hands up, she looked exasperated - “I just can´t be with you anymore, it´s not safe, I need to go, I do not have time for this”- She was about to leave and walk past you but you grabbed her hand stopping her from walking outside your door, and looked at her almost pleading

-“I have loved you ever since I have known you Agatha, I couldn’t help it, I couldn’t help falling in love with you, and I tried to show it, and I´m trying to show it to you again, but you don’t let me, Agatha I need an explanation, give an answer because I can´t go on like this any longer-

- “I gave you everything of me I could, which is fine, I´m happy I did it, and I never complained because, because I figured you’ve loved me Agatha! I can´t love anyone else I only love you, is not enough for you? -  Before you could keep talking, she interrupted you

-“ Stop, please stop, this is for the best Y/N we can´t be together anymore but I´m sure, you will find someone else, you will find someone to love and someone  who will live and die for you, but I can´t, I can´t, not right now, I´m sorry Y/N”-

She left your room and passed by your side, your hand brushed a little against hers, she had left you there standing alone in you room staring at the floor the words that Agatha had told you had been echoing in your mind since the day she had left you, she didn’t give you a reason.

Years passed, and even after all these years, you never stopped thinking about her, you couldn’t forget about her, even though she broke you heart, you couldn’t stop loving her, you ended up leaving in Eastview it was a place where you could feel some magic in the place, maybe it was because years ago, a group of witches had lived there, and even after years you could sense the magic that emanated from the place. However all of that calm that you felt changed drastically when one day you felt something powerful and dangerous entering Westview, the feeling  didn’t last longer, because before you knew, you found yourself dressed in a 50´s dress style, you tried to fight the different thought trying to enter into your head, but the force was stronger, whatever that was trying to control you was stronger than you, and in the end you couldn’t fight against that anymore.

When Agatha arrived at Westview sensing all the power coming from the little town, she already had a plan, she thought it would be something quick, enter the town, get to the source of power, and left town, it would be something easy. However, when she realized that the source of the magic was a person doing everything and not something else, she was perplexed how was possible that a witch like Wanda could contain all of that powerful magic. She had to play along in order to observe Wanda and how her magic worked, once she finally understood that Wanda had been playing everything as some type of sitcom, she realized Wanda had everyone under her mind control, so she had to act as if Wanda was controlling her

The 50 and 60 eras had already passed and now it was turn of the 70s era, Wanda´s twins were growing up too fast, and Wanda needed someone to watch over them for a night so she called you, now it was your turn to appear in Wanda´s life, you arrived at Wanda´s house ready to watch over the children. You found yourself walking towards Wanda´s house, wearing a plaid pleated skirt matching it with a white sleeveless stretch top and you had a neck scarf of the same color of your skirt.

You knocked on Wanda´s door, smiling Wanda opened her door and greeted you letting you enter her place.

- “Oh F/N, you’re a blessing, Vision and I need a night out, he made reservations and we need to be there in thirty minutes, if you need any help our neighbor will come here to help you, she has already watched over them twice but today she said she would not be available until later, that´s why we call you, actually if you want, she will come later and you could leave just in case you want to relax, I know my children can be a handful”-

- “Do not worry Wanda I will be watching your boys; we will play some board games and maybe we could even play hide & seek, I´m really good at it, and do not worry if your neighbor arrives I can still stay here, after all that´s why you called me, to help you and look after your children”-

You smiled kindly at her, she took you to the kitchen and started to show you around her house, she showed you the living room and the backyard, she told you that the kids were in her rooms getting ready to whatever activities you would do, out of nowhere she gave you some boardgames, you were confused, she didn´t have any when you turned to look at her kitchen right? Anyway, maybe she had them and you just hadn´t notice before, she handed you the Uno card game, the monopoly board game and a scrabble box, you smiled and thanked her. The kids came down from their rooms and greeted you, you played some matches of Uno, and after 30 minutes you decided to play the monopoly game, Billy was winning and you were in bankruptcy, after 40 minutes the kids got bore so you told them that you could play hide and seek, both of them agreed and nodded enthusiastically, you laughed at their excitement.

Your decided to hide under the kitchen´s table while Tommy counted, you saw Billy ran to hide in his bedroom, the three of you were immersed in your game of hide and seek, that none of you had noticed that someone had entered the house, you could heard Tommy saying -“Ready or not here I come”- you couldn’t help but giggle when Tommy passed running near the table and he hadn´t see you, you suppressed your laugh and closed your eyes, maybe he would be back a little bit later when he had found his brother.

Agnes had entered Wanda´s house, of course she decided to help Wanda, she was surprised when she heard that she was pregnant so the older witch tried to figure out how it happened, anyway she found the two children quite hilarious, when she knocked on Wanda´s door and nobody had answered she decided to used her magic to enter, by the time she entered she caught a glimpse of Tommy´s hair, and she heard what he had said, so she supposed they were playing, she closed the door, Agnes went straight to the kitchen to pour herself some water in a glass. Billy came running down the stairs giggling and shouting a name she had never heard “- F/N Tommy´s looking for us upstairs, we can win! You do not have to hide anymore”-

Agnes frowned, to whom was he talking? She was confused, she was going to ask Billy whom was he talking to, but when she heard a laugh, she stopped dead in her tracks, it sounded like your voice, it couldn’t be, images of the night she had left you alone, the night you had seen her go, it was the only thing she ever regretted, she had to let you, she didn’t have any other option, she had been playing with dark magic and t was dangerous for you, if the coven related you to her they would have hurt you, but the look of sadness that you had that day still haunted her, she would have loved to hold you close to her, but she had to it, she didn’t have any other option, years later when she could control her dark magic she tried to look for you again, but she couldn’t sense you, she thought that you had died, she couldn’t sense your magic and she regretted leaving you, she should have hold you close just as she used to do when you were in Salem. With tears in the corner of her eyes she followed the sound of the beautiful giggles, her heart was beating furiously, she bent down a little and with her right hand took the left corner of the square tablecloth, when she lifted it, she gasped, it was you, all these years she had thought that you were dead and now after grieving for you, you were right in front of her under a kitchen table, sitting on the floor and hugging your legs trying not to make any noise.

- “Y/N?”  She called for you

You opened your eyes, in front of you was the most beautiful woman you had ever seen, her icy blue eyes were looking direct at you, you smiled and put your finger to your mouth and shushed her, you supposed this was the neighbor Wada had told you about, she couldn’t help but smile, despite the urge that Agnes felt to hold you and tell you how sorry she was and how much she loved you, she knew you were under Wanda´s mind control, she wanted so badly to wake you up, but if Wada noticed, she would kick you out of Westview, she decided to let you finishes the game with the boys, she had all the time to get near to you.

She went to the fridge to take the water and to try to calm herself, all of the memories, she wanted to spend the rest of her life with you, but because of her hunger for power had lost the most she cared for and loved. She completely forgot about her first plan, It was not worthy anymore she had found you again, and this time she would make things right, she was going to free you from Wanda´s control, and she was going to make you fall in love with her again, she was not going to lose you one more time. She was distracted from her thoughts when she heard one of the boys screaming and laughing, you had gone out of the table and were running behind one of them, her heart melted at the sight. She left her glass on the table and walked straight towards you, she gently touched your shoulder and you turned to look at her.

“Lovely to meet you dear, my name´s Agnes and I´m Wanda´s neighbor, how come I´ve never seen you before, I would remember seeing someone as breath-taking as you honey, you are beautiful”-

You couldn’t help but blush at her words, did she really mean every of that? She was so beautiful with her curly hair, you looked at her and you felt something, as if you had already seen her before

“My name´s F/N, and I´m babysitting Wanda´s children for tonight, you look quite familiar, but I haven’t seen you either” - You eyed her face a little bit longer and then just brushed the thought off, you would recall watching someone as pretty as her too.

After that day, Agnes would pop at your house from time to time, she would give you flowers, and you were surprised when she arrived at you house with a flower arrangement with your favorite flowers in it, she entered to your housed and left them on the table, you were excited, and you hugged her, she didn’t expected your reaction but she quickly passed her arms around your waist, you rested your head at the crook of her neck and she gave you a kiss on your forehead.

Whenever Agnes had the chance she would always help you, she had taken you to a library that you had never seen, it was as if it had popped out of nowhere right at the center of the town, you didn’t mind that fact, you were more than happy that Agnes would take you to different places you loved, how did she have known that you loved to read? It didn’t matter, Agnes completed you.

When you entered to the library you quickly went to look the bookshelves, you found one book about Plants and decided you wanted to read it, you showed it to Agnes and you swore she had smiled sadly, you asked her if she was ok, but she told you not to worry that she was just happy to be with you, smiling, you gave her a quick kiss to her cheek, and ran towards one couch, she touched where you had left the kiss, how she craved to touch you like before.

She followed you and saw you sitting in a couch, you had smiled at her an told her that both of you could sit there together, she had a different idea, she asked you to stand up, you obliged happily, and then she sat in the couch and she grabbed you by the waist and sat you on her lap, you blushed by her action but accommodated yourself in her lap, she hold you close to her with tight grip on your waist, you were resting against her chest while you read.

you enjoyed her company a lot, she would always compliment you, and you loved when she touched your hair, brushing away some strand off your face. You and Agnes started to go out more each day, one day she took you to a nice parlor scream, and you sat down at one of the tables talking for hours, from time to time she would touch your hand over the table, caressing your hand with her fingers, you tok her hand and intertwined you hand with hers, she winked at you and you smiled.

Agnes wanted more, she wanted to kiss you and touch you but she knew she had to wait and she was worried about what would happen once you woke up. But you’ll find the real thing instead, today you had invited Agnes over to your house, you had prepare a romantic dinner for both of you, you had fallen in love with her, you were head over heels for her and even though you were sure that she returned her feelings you wanted to tell her how you felt.

You lit some candles and waited for Agnes to arrive at your house, you decided to dress yourself up for the occasion, you put on a plaid pleated skirt, whenever you had one on, you always found Agnes staring no so subtly at your legs, and when you caught her she would wink at you.

You heard knocks on the door and you walked down the stairs to open the door. - “Hello Angel”- She greeted you, you looked at her and saw that she was wearing a purple sweater and black pants, and her hair was styled in a messy bun.

You were excited, you wanted to kiss her already, so before eating dinner you drag her to your couch, she sat down next you and she took your hands in hers, she was looking at you with so much love, and you were amazed by her.

- “You´re beautiful F/N”-   Agnes said and she brought her had wo your face, you lent into her touch and closed your eyes, you were so in love with her

- “Agnes, I´m in love with you, I feel so good with you, you make me feel safe”-

Agnes gently lifted your chin to make you look at her, you smiled at her waiting for her to say something

-“ F/N, I´m in love with you too, I´ve been in love since I´ve known you, and believe me I feel I´ve known you my whole life, I know this may sound too rushed but, I want you to be with me, never leave my side again, I will make things right this time Y/N”-

You were confused what was she talking about? Before you could ask her you saw Agnes´ eyes glowing purple, you closed your eyes and memories of you real life came back at you, you remembered everything, since the day you met her at Salem, the day she left you, that time when you arrived to Eastview and also you remembered every single thing that had happened when you were not yourself, you opened your eyes only to look at Agatha again, she had tears streaming down her face and you had tears in your face as well, you looked at your intertwined hands, she never dropped your hand, you were shocked, but you remembered everything she told you, everything about making things right, Agatha was looking at you waiting for your reaction, and before she could ask you something you threw yourself at her, hugging her, you had missed her a lot, you world crumbled when she had left, but now she was back and she was offering you a new opportunity to make things right, you removed yourself from her and smiled at her, she knew right away that she would have another chance, she didn’t wait anymore, she captured your lips against her, it was kiss full of love and need, she had missed you, she had grieved you and now, she was not going to let you go, no this time, not ever.

-“I´m sorry Y/N, I should had given you an explanation, I was afraid of hurting you, I had been using dark magic, and I needed to learn how to control it, and  if the coven knew you were with me, they could have hurt you, I had put you in danger, but I never stopped loving you, I won´t make the same mistakes, I need you with me you´re everything I need”-

She kissed you again, this time fiercely, she tightened her grip around your waist, and then she rested her hands on your hips, she brought you to her lap, when you needed to breathe again, you remove your face a little from her, to look at her baby blue eyes, she brought her hand to you hair, and brushed a strand of hair off you face.

You put your hand on her face, caressing her face

-“It´s ok Agatha I love you too, and I believe in you, I understand that you wanted to protect me now, It was awful to be left there alone but now, we´re here, together, we have a new opportunity, if it hadn´t been for Wanda creating this entire place, you would have never arrived, but not I´m here with you, so you now we do not have to worry,  I love you and I will never stop loving you, no matter what”-

She was finally happy, she couldn’t ask for anything else, you were her everything, she hugged you again, stroking you hair with her left hand and her free hand caressing your back, you placed your head in the crook of her neck and played with some of the strands of her hair, finally after years of felling sad, you found yourself smiling once again, because of Agatha, you were happy that she was back, and she was happy as well for that.

Years ago she had told you, that you were going to find someone else to love you, and that someone else will fix your heart, but at the end she had been the one to fix your heart again, the same person who broke your heart in the past by her mistakes, was the same who was collecting the pieces now.

This time she would never leave you alone again, she would never drop your hand again because this time was the real thing.

[usagikookiejams]

AFTERMATH OF THE BREAKUP

Haitani Ran, Ryuguji Ken (Draken), Hanemiya Kazutora, Haruchiyo Sanzu

Warning: angst no comfort, cheating, NOT PROOFREAD, cursing, mentioned about abusive relationship, drug usage, harsh words

Haitani Ran

It has been 3 months since your relationship with Ran ended in a bad term. Deciding to move from Roppongi to Okinawa to avoid meeting up with him again.

Unbeknownst to you, a guy was following behind while you're doing grocery shopping. After failed attempts to reach the product in the higher rack, suddenly a guy was helping you out.

"Thank you so much-," you were left silent after seeing that the guy was actually your ex; Ran. He looks handsome as always. But, you could see the obvious eyebag.

"How you doing?," he smiled, trying to start a conversation with you but, you just ignored him and pushed your cart forward.

He didn't stop pestering you, until you has had enough and slapped his face. "Don't you feel ashamed? Showing your face after you cheated on me with that 'work-wife' of yours?!," you glared at him.

He explained that he was drunk at that time. However, he paused his words after seeing the disgusted look in your face.

"I couldn't bear looking at you. It reminds me how stupid I am to trust you. Hah, my friends were right about you; you indeed couldn't keep your dick in your pants," you smirked and walked away.

Ran felt like his world started to collapse. Witnessing your hostile behaviour towards him has proven how you don't wanna get back with him no matter what.

Ryuguji Ken (Draken)

You and Draken started dating after 3 years of Emma's death. Motivating him daily has led to him starting to open his heart to you.

But things weren't always nice and easy. It indeed was very hard for someone to move on from his past lover.

That's why, after only about 2 years of dating, you decided to broke things off with Draken after you has had enough of him comparing you with Emma.

Emma this, Emma that; you were tired of hearing his complaints.

Though he looked like he didn't care back then, but why is he always reaching out to you now?

He looks so desperate trying to win you back. Showing his effort by buying you flowers every week, which ended up disposed in the dustbin at your office.

Today remains the same routine of his. But you decided to give him your piece of mind once you saw him walking towards the receptionist counter.

You dragged him outside the building where your co-workers couldn't see you. "Can you stop all this nonsense?," you sighed.

"But baby-," he couldn't finish his words when you suddenly took the flowers and placed it on his motorbike.

"I am not your baby, and I don't need your flowers. Why not giving them to Emma, considering she may need them more to decorate her grave?," you couldn't help but saying deep and harsh words.

There, Draken was left heartbroken. He realized how all of his action of comparing you and Emma has led to you hating both of them.

Oh lord, how he wish you would care for him one more time.

Hanemiya Kazutora

Being in a relationship with Kazutora was challenging, he always scold you for things that are even miniscule; blaming you for it. Thus, you decided it was best to separate with him, as he tend to get physical with you.

Visiting the hospital for how many times now, that you don't even remember; getting psychology treatment to treat your mental health from past abusive relationship.

You were busy listening to music that you didn't notice that you has bumped into someone. The person sighed in annoyance, that is, when you heard your name being called in shocked tone, "Y/N?."

You frozed in place, looking up at the person. Oh, it's Kazutora. You got up and said sorry as quickly as possible before getting away.

You felt your hand being pulled, and you couldn't help but flinch. "Hey, hey sweetheart, it's okay. I won't hurt you." You still your position, didn't dare to look at the man who had inflicted pain upon you before.

Kazutora felt a pang of hurt in his heart, looking at how you're terrified of him. He felt tears running down his cheeks, profusely saying sorry while saying he missed you so much and how his mental health is declining.

You looked at him dead in the eyes. Though feeling scared but you tried to stood your ground. "Yeah? And what about me? What about all the things that you said, and pain that you inflicted on me before huh? Answer me Hanemiya," you said in heavy tone.

Kazutora didn't like how you're saying his first name. It was always Kazu or baby; anything but Hanemiya. Nevertheless, he tried to reason with you how he never intended to do those things, saying that he wasn't in the right state of mind.

You scoffed and warned him how if he still loves you, he should just leave you alone. Kazutora was about to say something but you dismissed him, and just walk forward leaving your past behind.

After that encounter, Kazutora still trying to reach out to you by visiting you at home or workplace. That is until one day, he was forced to stop his action once knowing that you has moved to another country with no one knowing your whereabouts.

Haruchiyo Sanzu

Dating Sanzu was never a boring experience. He's wild and loves to party, which at last causing you to not being able to keep up with his behavior.

Lucky for you, the break up was easy as Sanzu too thinks that you're too boring, and always acting like a 'nagging bitch'. Thus, deciding to also let you go.

Despite the break up only took place less than a month ago, you're suprisingly doing great as you are now start to prioritize yourself. Spending time to learn new hobby; that is photography.

Currently you're in the park, capturing panoramas and birds that flew over the horizon. Click! You went to check the picture but noticed a familiar pink hair in the photo.

The pink-haired-person looked over his shoulder as he heard the clicking sound. He couldn't believe his eyes when seeing you, thus started to run towards you, "Y/N!."

"Oh shoot..," you whispered to yourself and started walking faster. Albeit he was fast enough to grab your shoulder. "Baby, how you been? I wasn't able to contact you for a month. Did you change your contact number?," the person said.

"So what if I did, Sanzu?," you put on confident look. "It's not like we're going to contact each other anymore, is it?," you continued.

"But-," Sanzu was about to speak but you just shook your head. "I wish to never meet you again. Now that I look back, I realized how dumb I am to love some maniac like you. You didn't even consider my feelings, always gaslighting me and even calling me names. So don't be suprised when I decided to move on from you," you scoffed and walked away without looking back.

At that moment, Sanzu knew he fucked up real bad by messing up the relationship you guys had before.

Later on, he started to indulge himself in more drugs, as it's the only way he could be free from the hurting feelings.

[fortheloveofwonderland]

Rusty | Chapter 19 | S.R

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

A/N - part two of a two part chapter. Picks up where the last one left off.

Summary - As Spencer’s mental health continues to decline, you connect the dots as to what’s going on with him. But his brain can’t take much more and it finally splinters and he takes on the guises of various faces from his past.

Pairing - Spencer Reid / Fem! Reader

Category - strangers to friends to lovers | angst | smut minors DNI

Warnings - heavy drinking, oral (f receiving) faked orgasms, reckless gun use, weight loss, vomit, swearing, spanking, Dom! Spencer, penetrative, unprotected sex, dissociation, blood, self harm, blood, personality split, Spencer’s brain completely fractures.

WC - 6.7k

One Month, Three Weeks Ago

You heard the car tyres crunching up the gravel driveway through the open bedroom window. You instinctively pulled the sheets further up to your chin as though the flimsy material would protect you from whatever was about to happen. 

You couldn’t fein sleep, your cheek still throbbing from his slap and the fear pulsing wildly throughout your body. He’d no doubt drunk more, driven your car home in a state and you could only assume more violence awaited you. 

You heard the engine die followed by the car door being opened and closed. Spencer sounded like he was dragging his feet in the dirt, shuffling drunkenly towards the house.

Once the front door opened, Copper was up and out of his dog bed, on high alert. You heard it close again and then there was stumbling on the stairs and what sounded like Spencer bumping to walls. 

You held your breath in anticipation. The bedroom door flung open and Copper let out a singular bark before he realised who it was and quickly retreated back to bed, his tail between his legs. 

You watched in the dark from the bed. You didn’t think he realised you were awake as he didn’t look at you, just went about removing his clothes. 

He struggled with the sleeves of his denim shirt and wrestled it off his body to the floor. Next came his t-shirt which he seemed to have slightly less trouble with. 

It was his pants that tripped him up, quite literally. It was almost painful watching him trying to get both legs out of the fabric. If you weren’t so mad at him you might have tried to help. 

Eventually he got them off and crawled into the bed in just his underwear. It was only when he laid his head down on his pillow and saw you staring back at him in the dark that he noticed you were awake.

Even in the low light you could see that sorrow that washed over features as he registered the fear in your eyes. He raised a hand and you flinched involuntarily when he cupped your face. 

He brushed his fingers over the red mark he’d left behind on your skin. His eyes misted over as he breathed raggedly. 

“I’m s-so sorry.” He whispered, words a little slurred. His breath stank of whiskey, he hadn’t tried to hide it this time. “I’m so sorry. I d-didn’t mean to. I love you. You know I love you, right?” 

You clenched your jaw but didn’t speak, couldn’t speak. And when he suddenly crashed his lips against yours and kissed you ferociously, you didn’t stop him. 

He was mumbling and whimpering into the kiss as he rolled himself on top of you. You let him kiss you and still didn’t say a word as he lips trailed lowered. 

Even when he removed your shorts and edged his face between your legs you stayed silent. He muttered against your leg how sorry he was and how much he loved you before plunging his tongue between your folds. 

He continued whispering his regret between your legs. Usually Spencer’s tongue was a thing of magic but in his drunken state his ministrations were messy and lacklustre and after a long time of pretending to enjoy yourself, you simply faked your release and pushed him away. 

He fell back to the mattress next to you, his mouth and chin still slick with his saliva. Moments later he was snoring, leaving you to stare at the ceiling while you fought back tears. 

***

The following night he didn’t go to work again in lieu of getting drunk. Despite the fact you now knew about his drinking he still tried to hide it from you, drinking alone down at the stable most days. 

He’d purchased a shotgun at some point recently and you often heard rounds being fired off down by the creek from the house. He was a danger to himself, to everyone. He needed the kind of help you couldn’t offer him. 

But you were too scared of him to tell him that. You were also too afraid to leave. 

It was nearing eleven pm when you heard him trudging up the hill towards your homestead. You were sitting on the front porch reading with Copper curled up at your side on the swing chair, head in your lap.

He appeared over the brow of the hill, dragging the shotgun behind him. His hair was a mess and his clothes seemed to hang off of his frame. You knew he hadn’t been eating and the amount he was drinking often made him vomit. He’d lost so much in the last few weeks he was a shell of his former self.

You closed the book and braced yourself for whatever was to come. He didn’t look at you as he traipsed up the steps towards the front door. He swung it open and you thought maybe either he hadn’t seen you or was ignoring you. He took one step inside the house before he spoke without turning around. 

“Inside.” Was all he said before he continued on his way.

And like an idiot, you didn’t even question it. You nudged Copper off of your lap and the two of you got to your feet and followed him inside. It was unclear which of the two of you were more frightened by the drunk man and his shotgun.

Spencer leaned the gun against the wall next to the door which offered you a little bit of relief. He turned to look at you, his expression completely unreadable. He took a step closer to you and you held your breath, desperate not to let your fear show. 

His hand lifted from his side and found purchase on the back of your neck, gripping it a little tighter than he normally would. He used his grasp on you to lead you into the living room. It didn’t hurt, he wasn’t being overtly rough but it was firm enough that you didn’t want to question him. 

He moved you up against the wall, the same one he had thrown you at last night but this time with more care. He pressed his body flush against yours, caging you into the wall with his hips. You could feel he was hard and straining at the front of his pants. 

“I l-love you.” He slurred, eyes glazed over from the whiskey. “I love you s-so fucking much. I’m an ass. I’ve not been g-good to you and I know that. But I love you. P-please forgive me.” 

“Spencer,” you whispered, tears springing to your eyes as his fingers brushed over the bruising that had formed on your cheek from last night. 

“Do you still love me?” He spoke, this time he sounded surprisingly sober. 

You sighed, blinking back your tears. You wished you didn’t, it would be easier if you didn’t.

“Yes.” You nodded.

“Good.” And then he kissed you surprisingly delicately, holding your face like you were made of glass. But his tenderness was fleeting.

Soon his hands moved to your hips and he gripped them tightly in his hands, fingers digging into your flesh beneath your shirt. He tugged you away from the wall and led you across the room to the arm of the couch. 

When he reached it, he turned you around so your back was to him and forced your body over the arm, your face buried in a couch cushion and your ass in the air. He reached around you and unbuttoned your pants, but before he could pull them down he stilled.

“Do you…do you want this?” He asked, sounding so unsure of himself. 

And even in the face of it all, you did want it. Regardless of the way he’d treated you, in spite of the fear he’d caused you, you still wanted him.

“Y-yes.” You nodded against the cushion. “P-please?”

Spencer continued to lower your pants and underwear down to your ankles and spread your legs as wide as he could with the fabric hindering them opening too wide. You heard his own button popping, the rustling of his jeans and pants as he pushed them down his thighs. 

He freed his shaft in one hand, dangerously hard and already leaking in desperation, while his other gently stroked over one of your ass cheeks. You hummed pathetically against the cushion at his soft touch.

His hand suddenly left your ass but seconds later it returned in slap so hard the skin on skin contact echoed around the room. You yelped at the impact but you couldn’t deny it was dizzying. 

He spanked you a second time, the sting of his first slap tingling your flesh. He did it a third time and on the fourth time he simultaneously plunged inside of you while his hand scored against your sore cheek. 

You let out a sound half way between a scream and moan at the dual sensation, Spencer bottoming out inside of you right away but not staying there long. He moved his hands to your hips and gripped them with bruising force as he started pounding into you aggressively. 

You hadn’t been quite limbered up enough for the sudden intrusion and Spencer was so big and thick that he felt like he was splitting you in two. But the pain was delirious, the friction of him inside of you, stretching your walls in a way you’d never experienced before was heady. 

Your ass cheek stung and it added to the pleasure. His balls slapped harshly against you with each thrust. From this angle he was able to reach deeper caverns inside of you, chambers you didn’t even realise existed. 

His blunt head slammed repeatedly against your cervix and with each merciless pound your walls clenched tighter and tighter around his thick length.

He was muttering incoherently, fingernails digging into the flesh of your hips. He berated you with his body, breaching you again and again while you did nothing but whimpering and whining beneath him. 

Tears left your eyes, soaking into the cushion beneath your face. Each thrust somehow burnt more than the last but you were so close it was almost laughable. 

His grip tightened and his pace increased, his breathing heavy and rampant. He was succumbing to his release, ready to fall over the ledge into the abyss of pleasure. But he wanted you to fall with him. 

“Are you close?” He mumbled, his sentence punctuated with moans.

“Hmm.” you whined as he jabbed against your cervix again. 

“Fuck princess, wanna feel you come.” He angled his hips upwards, slamming into you at another new angle that made you mewl.

“F-f-fuck!” You whined, legs shaking. “F-fuck Spencer!”

“Come for me, pretty girl. Show me how good I make you feel.” He moaned, his own legs barely holding him upright. 

It took two more thrusts before you were coming undone, clamping so tightly around Spencer’s cock that he saw stars. Your arousal was leaking down your thighs as Spencer fucked you through your orgasm before his own washed over him. 

With a loud and feral moan, he exploded. Strings of his come filled you up, his seed buried deep inside of you. He continued to thrust more lazily while he expelled every last drop of himself until he was completely spent. 

He must have carried you to bed that night because the next thing you remembered was waking up the next morning in bed, sore and covered in welts and bruises. 

***

This pattern continued almost every day. He spent his days getting drunk and shooting at trees down by the creek only to return late at night and fuck you, sometimes for hours. Your bruises had bruises, the welts on your ass became so bad you could barely sit down which made horse riding an extremely painful experience. 

Sometimes he was more gentle, making love to you in missionary while he looked you in the eyes and told you how much he loved you. Other times he pinned you to walls and fucked you so hard you couldn’t breathe. 

And every single time after, he dissociated. 

You often found remnants of blood on the linoleum floor in the bathroom or sometimes in the tub. Spencer stopped getting undressed around you, keeping himself covered when you had sex. You didn’t know the extent of the damage he was doing to himself. 

One morning you awoke to find him still asleep which was a rarity. And so you dared to lift the sheet from his sleeping body and inspect the mutilation he’d inflicted upon himself. 

The first thing that struck you was just how much weight he’d lost in such a short time. His position on his back allowed you to see how painfully his hips jutted out, how sunken his stomach was. His collarbones and ribs protruded from beneath his flesh. 

But it was his thighs that caused you to whimper. 

You couldn’t even count the number of cuts littering his skin. They were all in various stages of heeling, some even caked with dried blood you assumed were his most recent works. They painted both legs almost all the way to his knees, his canvas for his self abuse. 

The tears silently fell from your eyes and you dropped the sheet, feeling your stomach lurch violently. You removed yourself from the bed and shut yourself in the bathroom. You ran the shower, got undressed and climbed inside. 

You sobbed beneath the flow of water. You cried for Spencer and what he’d done to himself. You cried for the aches and gripes in your body which Spencer caused you. You cried at your own stupidity at putting yourself in this situation in the first place. 

You should never have stopped to help him. You should have trusted your gut and kept driving. None of this would have happened if you’d just left him on the side of the road. You could have saved yourself the trouble of falling in love with a monster. 

By the time you stopped crying and exited the bathroom, the bed was empty and made with military precision as was Spencer’s way. You dressed as you caught a faint whiff of something from downstairs. It smelt suspiciously like bacon but surely it couldn’t be.

Low and behold you found Spencer in the kitchen, plating up bacon and eggs and toast whilst he hummed to himself. He had his back to you but when he turned around he was smiling brightly.

“Morning princess.” He beamed, setting the plates down on the counter. “I made breakfast.” 

It was like living with Jekyll and Hyde and you weren’t sure which one was more terrifying. You knew you should leave, disappear in the middle of the night and go somewhere he would never find you.

But despite your better judgement, you loved this man. You loved him more than you thought it possible to love someone. So no matter how idiotic it made you for staying, leaving simply wasn’t an option. 

***

One Week Ago

Things had been improving slowly but steadily. Spencer didn’t seem to be drinking as much, or if he was he was getting better at concealing it. He was less angry, although that’s not to say he hadn’t blown up a few times in the past month.

You were walking on eggshells most of the time, trying to appease him, keep him happy so as to avoid another fall out. You had sex almost every day and by this point his dissociations were becoming a normal occurrence and you’d long ago learnt how to quickly deal with them. 

He’d started working again although not as frequently as he was. He lost his job running the ghost tours when he stopped showing up but the Four Deuces still allowed him to pick up shifts here and there as they were short staffed. 

You both had the day off today and Spencer surprised you by taking you for a picnic down at the creek. Copper followed along, playing in the water while the two of you ate the lunch he’d packed. Afterwards he laid you down on the blanket and made love to you.

He was gentle and caring, slow and sensual. He made you come twice while he fucked you leisurely as though he had all the time in the world. And he kept his eyes locked on yours throughout it all. 

He even helped clean you up after, placing delicate kisses in your hair. And then while you were still hazy from your orgasms, he pulled a jewellery box out of hiding. 

“Y/N, I know things have been…not great lately and I’m so, so sorry for that. But I love you more than I ever thought it possible to love someone and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. 

“I know it’s crazy, I know it’s fast. But when we decided to run away together we were kinda promising each other forever anyway right? And I know with you being a fugitive filing a marriage licence won’t exactly be easy, but we can figure it out. 

“Or you know, maybe we can’t get married for real. But at the very least I want you to have this ring as a symbol that I will never, ever leave you. And if you decide to wear it you’re saying the same. I promise I’m going to try and be better for you. I want to be the man you fell in love with. So, uh, will you marry me?”

He flipped open the box to show you a beautiful vintage silver engagement ring. His face conveyed his nerves as he rolled his lip between his teeth awaiting your response.

You blinked at him rapidly, trying to clear the fog from your brain. Were you delusional from your orgasms? Surely this wasn’t happening.

But it was happening. Spencer had a ring, a stunning ring, in his hand and he was asking you to marry him even though you both knew with you being on the run it was impossible. But he wanted your promise. 

Your love for him was so boundless, perhaps it was even reckless to a fault. You should have left the first time he raised his hand to you, should have gone running and never looked back. 

You knew first hand that abusers didn’t just stop. You’d murdered the first man who dared hit you, yet here you were in love with the other. The irony of the situation wasn’t lost on you, its morbid facsimiles to a life you’d lived before were startlingly apparent. 

The last thing you should ever do would be to promise Spencer forever, to agree to wear his ring. But yet it was the only thing in this messed up world that made any semblance of sense to you. 

You’d both experienced your share of trauma, both done things you weren’t proud of in order to survive. You were eerily similar and perhaps the two of you deserved one another. You were coerced together like two opposing puzzle pieces but you’d both adjusted around each other until the fit didn’t seem so manufactured anymore. 

He understood you to your bones, the way you did him. It may be toxic, it may be poisonous to you both to stay together but maybe you could be each other's antidote if you just tried hard enough. 

Relationships were never without their flaws, yours just had a few more than most. But they were nothing you couldn’t work through, right? If you operated as a unit instead of separate parts, played for the same team rather than as oppositions, you could be a force unto yourselves. 

The sad truth of the matter was, neither of you deserved any better than what you offered each other. 

So ultimately there was only one answer. You couldn’t quite vocalise it, instead giving a meek nod of your head. Spencer beamed as he removed the ring from his velvet cradle and slid it onto your finger. 

And thus your fate was sealed. 

***

Two Hours Ago

Suddenly with the kind of startling clarity that smacked you around the face like a tidal wave, all the little puzzle pieces fell into place. 

You’d had the skeleton in front of you but had yet to flesh it out, to see the bigger picture. Or perhaps you had an idea but you weren’t ready to go down that rabbit hole for fear of no return. 

But it was here now in black and white, no more grey areas. The voicemail left on Spencer’s cell phone spelled it out clearly. 

“Doctor Reid this is Marnie calling from Doctor Suez’s office. It looks as though you still have an outstanding prescription to collect and the doctor is a little concerned of what might happen if you fail to refill your paroxetine. This is the third time I’ve tried to call, please do call me back as soon as you can.” 

You hadn’t deliberately been going through his phone. But he’d been hauled up in the stable all day and the device hadn’t stopped ringing. By the fifth call you’d grown curious and found yourself invading his privacy and listening to the voicemail. 

It all made too much sense now and you felt stupid for not seeing it sooner. Spencer had come off of his medication, the medication which barely held him together in the first place. Now he was off of it and all his old symptoms were coming back full throttle combined with what you imagined to be an extensive amount of withdrawals to the medicine. 

He was a danger to himself and to you. There was no telling what a man with his level of trauma could do when he’d stopped relying on the one thing that was helping to keep him tethered. 

You pocketed his phone without meaning to and the ring caught your field of vision. Your stomach clenched tightly like a cramp and you felt a wave of nausea flood your body. How could you promise yourself to someone who couldn’t even look after himself? 

Spencer was a genius, he would know the exact risks of coming off of his medication yet he’d done it anyway. And he’d put you both in jeopardy by doing so. That kind of behaviour was selfish and reckless. 

Would you be able to talk sense into him? Would you be able to make a lunatic see the light? Or were you putting yourself in further danger if you confronted this? 

You loved Spencer and because of that you couldn’t stand back and do nothing. You needed to talk to him, to try and help him understand that needed to be on his meds for the sake of himself and you. You needed to appeal to the rational side of his brain you knew still existed somewhere in the depth of his trauma. 

You had to address this before it continued to get out of hand. You needed to help cloy Spencer back from the brink of insanity before he was lost to his own demons forever.

***

The glass mouth of the bottle was cushioned between his lips, tilting, tilting until every last drop of the smooth amber liquid passed down his throat, burning on its journey down his oesophagus and into his empty stomach. 

Drawing it back away from his lips once it was drained, he clutched the neck in his tetchy fingers, curiously inspecting it for a moment or two. 

And then he raised his hand high above his head, swinging it back down with force until the body of the bottle collided with the side of the cabinet in the back of the stable and smashed into hundreds of little shards.

The fragments mostly flitted to the ground around his feet, some remaining to decorate the wooden surface he’d used to smash it with. There may have even been a piece or two in his palm, there was certainly a little blood. He wiped the claret on his jeans, the alcohol numbing him from any pain that action might have caused. 

This had been another one of his utterly dumb ideas, the kind he had become so well versed in making as of late. But this one was particularly close to the top of the list for stupidity.

The gift had remained untouched, forgotten in a cupboard in the house for six months. Spencer didn’t even remember having the forethought to bring it with him to Tombstone, why didn’t he just throw it out? 

It was only this morning when he’d been looking for places to hide the dozen or so whiskey bottles he’d purchased that he found it. The birthday gift from Luke. 

Taking it out to the stable with one of his bottles of liquid heaven, he’d gotten through half the whiskey before he dared tear into the dogeared paper. 

Staring back at him a simple black frame displaying some kind of collage that looked almost childlike in its construction. Luke wasn’t exactly known for his artistic prowess. 

Scanning his eyes over the collage, despite the whiskey clouding his brain it was clear what he was looking at. It was a montage that told the story of Spencer Reid and Luke Alvez. 

It began in the top left hand corner with a ticket stub from the movie they’d seen on their first date, which Spencer hadn’t realised was a date. 

Luke had asked him to go see some action flick which was so far out of Spencer’s comfort zone. But he enjoyed Luke’s company and agreed to go with him. 

After the movie they went to a bar and Luke slid into the booth next to Spencer which Spencer thought was a little odd. But it got a whole lot stranger when Luke placed his hand on Spencer’s thigh under the table. 

“Uh, Luke? That’s my leg.” Spencer’s eyebrows knitted together. 

“Yeah I know.” Luke’s expression mirrored his. 

“Okay,” Spencer looked even more confused. “Why are you touching my leg?” 

Luke suddenly looked extremely self conscious and he removed his hand and placed it in his own lap. 

“Sorry,” Luke huffed. “I guess it’s been a while since I’ve been on a date. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.”

“D-date?” Spencer was extremely confused now. 

“Yeah?” Luke was fidgeting uncomfortably. “Oh my god, is this not a date?” 

“It’s the first I’m hearing about it.” Spencer’s mouth fell open. 

“You…you didn’t realise I was asking you on a date?” 

“No!” Spencer shook his head. “You said, and I quote, ‘Hey man, do you wanna go see a movie tonight? Maybe grab some dinner or a drink afterwards.’ How was I supposed to know you meant it as a date?” 

“Movie and dinner? That’s clearly a date!” Luke looked bewildered. 

“I go for dinner and movies with Garcia all the time. And JJ, Emily even.” Spencer was scratching at the back of his head. 

“I…I…ay dios mio.” Luke shook his head. “This is so embarrassing. I am so sorry, I assumed we were on the same page. We should call it a night to save me any further humiliation.”

Luke went to reach in his pocket for his wallet to pay for the drinks but Spencer’s gentle hand on his wrist stilled him.

“Luke,” Spencer smiled a little shakily at him. “I didn’t say I didn’t want it to be a date.”

What had started as Spencer thinking he was seeing a movie with a friend ended with a heavy makeout session in the bar. Just the thought of it made Spencer’s knees wobble a little, the memory of that first kiss taking his breath away like nothing he’d ever felt before. 

The medley in front him contained many other tickets, receipts and photographs from his and Luke’s time spent together. It was all brought together in the middle with a simple quote, penned in Luke’s uniquely identifiable handwriting -

“The world breaks everyone, and afterwards, some are stronger at the broken places.” - Ernest Hemingway.

The alcohol and the memories swarming his brain caused a torrent of emotions. It was a tsunami raging inside of him, a war being fought within. Luke had collected all these little mementos, kept hold of the pieces of their relationship even after all this time. 

He’d meticulously, if not a little messily, compiled this gift for Spencer because in spite of everything Spencer had done, Luke still loved him more than anything. Luke loved Spencer in a way that superseded his trauma, in a way that was bigger than his demons he struggled to fight.

Luke loved Spencer the way Spencer loved you. And that thought alone was enough for Spencer to feel the weight of everything he’d put Luke through. He understood it now, he understood the hurt he’d caused. If you left him, Spencer wouldn’t be able to cope, his life may as well be over. If he lost you he wouldn’t go on. 

That’s what he’d done to Luke. Spencer had admonished him, punished Luke for simply loving him. And in the process he had broken the other man into more pieces than the whiskey bottle was now in at his feet.

“You fucking broke me, Spencer. The way you left, it destroyed me. Nothing in my life has ever hurt as much as having to hear from Prentiss that you’d left without a word. I’ve spent the last two years trying to get over you, trying to move past the pain that you caused. And I have finally met someone who made me forget all about you. I’m not asking you to be happy for me, but you don’t get to be mad either.”

It all made so much agonising sense. And Spencer hated himself more than ever at the realisation of exactly what he’d done to Luke. Staring at the pieces of glass and the framed collage still laying on a blanket of gift wrap, he felt tears clouding his vision. No, not tears…

The edges of his vision were growing hazy in a way he knew all too well. His stomach was tightening, anger and sadness tangling themselves together to create a whirlwind inside of him. It snuck up on him faster than he was used to and before he could even grasp what was happening he was outside of his own self. 

He could only stand by and watch dumbly as the body his mind longer inhabited picked up a large shard of whiskey dampened glass and without hesitation brought the sharp edge to his right leg and scored straight through his jeans. 

Creating a hole in the fabric, the glass splinter was then slicing into the thick flesh of his thigh and he was hissing in morbid pleasure as the blood quickly began to trickle from the open wound. The detached body threw its head back, lips parted and eyes closed as thought in the throes of passion.

Spencer watched the figure who looked suspiciously like himself lean back against the cabinet as the blood continued to pour from his leg. 

An almost devilish grin spread across the face of the man who was, yet was not Spencer Reid. His lips started moving, chanting under his breath. The mind belonging to the body simply stared until the voice started growing louder.

“That’s the devil vacating your body.” 

The voice was unlike anything Spencer had heard from his own mouth. It was a husky southern drawl for which he recognised from a shed in a graveyard from years past while the smell of burning fish guts smouldered around him. 

He spoke again, the body that was and wasn’t Spencer Reid, leaning back heavily against the cabinet coated with glass while blood continued to roll down his leg.

“I didn’t know how to take care of you anymore.” 

The voice was different again, not quite his own but not entirely different. It evoked recollections of a stuffy office, of Morgan and Rossi and the older man who used to look like him but didn’t anymore. 

“I was hoping you'd figure out my riddle. I-I mean, I knew you would. The fun was just how fast you'd do it. All this and brains, too.” 

A higher pitched octave left his lips now, a much more feminine tone to his words. It summoned him to a dark warehouse, brought forth memories of blindfolds and hands that groped upon him in places he wished they wouldn’t.

“Believe me, getting pregnant with your baby was not easy.”

This one was still feminine yet harsher. He was in an interrogation room, bright orange scrubs and a menacing smirk clouding his better judgement. 

“Spencer, the keeper of provisions. You have given selflessly to others and will be rewarded by the highest honour we could bestow. Your blood will be our blood. Your life will fuel ours.” 

Once again the voice of the slumped body became more masculine, hoarse almost. It brought forth images of restraints at his wrists, ankles, waist and head. Hyoid bones dangling before his eyes, swaying in the soft breeze and knocking together like macabre windchimes. 

The man who looked like Spencer Reid was certainly not Spencer Reid anymore. The body bleeding from a self inflicted wound didn’t even seem to know who he was anymore. 

The Spencer who was suspended, watching his own form flit between varying people from his past was aware of what was happening even if the husk of his body didn’t. 

His brain was fracturing, shattering, tearing. His trauma had become uncontainable and it was splitting his mind into shards much like the glass bottle. 

It had become too much, the body and the mind divorcing each other for a final time, causing Spencer to lose sight of who he was. 

He was Tobias Hankel. He was William Reid. He was Diane Turner. He was Cat Adams. He was Benjamin Merva. He was his trauma. 

Whoever he was, it was certainly not Doctor Spencer Reid any longer. Perhaps he never would be again. 

And so the consciousness of Spencer could only watch as the man he recognised as himself became multiple different people right in front of his very eyes. 

The muttering continued, flicking between different voices of the different personas his brain was breaking off into. The glass shard was hanging limply between two fingers, little red beads dripping from it onto the floor. 

When the stable door creaked open, the previously collapsed, zombie form went suddenly rigid, eyes wide yet unseeing. You took a few steps into the barn, taking in the broken glass, his ripped jeans and open cut and the bloody fragment in his hand. 

You also noticed the ways his eyes were unfocused as he looked at you, he was dissociating.

“Spencer?” You spoke quietly, hesitantly getting a little closer and ignoring the pleas of attention from Rusty and Willow.

“No,” he blinked once, other than that he was unmoving.

“What do you mean, no?” Your brow furrowed. “Spencer, you’re dissociating.” 

“No,” he repeated. “No, I’m not Spencer. You have me confused with someone.” 

Your blood ran cold suddenly. You’d seen him in these states before but usually he couldn’t say much of anything to you. 

This time his voice was clear and concise even if his eyes were still glazed over. But the voice wasn’t his, not one you recognised. 

He spoke in a thick, southern accent, eyebrow cocked at you as he took a few steps closer. You swallowed a lump in your throat, wanting to walk away, to run away but you were paralysed in fear. 

“You’re just as pretty as he said you were.” The voice coming out of Spencer’s mouth spoke. “He calls you princess, right?”

“S-Spencer…” you whimpered slightly. 

“My name isn’t Spencer. Spencer’s weak, he can’t can’t handle himself. So I’m here to help him.” He raised his hands to cup your arms, failing to notice the glass still sandwiched between his fingers. 

The shard cut into your bare bicep and you yelped, jumping back from him as it sliced your flesh. 

“Fuck, Spencer!” Your hand came up to hold your wound, blood seeped from between your fingers.

“I told you princess, that’s not my name.” He clucked, dropping the glass to the floor now. 

“W-what’s your name?” You decided to play along. Maybe you could talk him down from this. 

“Me?” He smirked wildly at you. “I’m Raphael.” 

“O-okay, Raphael, do you know how I can get to Spencer?” You tried to remain calm, the blood still seeping into your hand. 

“Don’t you worry about him.” Spencer, who was Raphael, took a step back and picked up the shotgun you hadn’t noticed was leaning against the cabinet. “You know what this is? It’s God's will.” 

You swallowed thickly as he raised the weapon, cocking it in your direction.

“Spenc - Raphael, what are you doing?” You choked out.

“Between you and me, I think Spencer would be better off with you, little lady.” He grinned, looking through the weapons sight right at you. 

“Please, Spencer, you have to listen to me. I know you’re in there.” Your voice quivered. 

“Spencer is gone!” Raphael yelled out of Spencer’s mouth, the sound reverberating around the stable. 

“Please, Spencer, come back. Come back to me.” You begged, tears springing to your eyes. 

“We’re going to play a game!” Spencer, who was not Spencer’s voice, suddenly changed to one much higher pitched, much more flirty than menacing. 

“A g-game?” You sucked in a breath. 

“Spencie and I always played games.” Spencer smiled sinfully, pouting his lips while holding the shotgun steady. 

“You aren’t Raphael?” You blinked back your tears.

“Of course I’m not.” The feminine voice coming from Spencer’s mouth clucked. “I’m Cat. Spencie and I loved playing games together, I even got him arrested as part of one. I think you’d like my games too.” 

“Spencer?” You begged desperately. “Spencer, you have to fight this!”

“He isn’t strong enough, sweetie. He needs us to protect him…he’s always been so weak.” 

For the second part of his sentence his voice changed again. It was deeper but not southern. You couldn’t keep up. But he spoke again, reverting back to the flirty female cadence.

“So as for our little game, the rules are simple. It’s a chase, and only one of us has a gun.” The smile belonging to Cat on Spencer’s face grew. 

Guess again, bitch, you thought as you registered your revolver hidden away in the back of your waistband. 

You hadn’t expected to need it when you came and confronted Spencer but now you were glad you’d had the forethought. 

“That’s it?” You shrugged. “Just a chase?”

“To the death.” Spencer-Cat-Raphael-whoever else he was spoke manically. 

“Spencer?” You tried again, looking deep into his glazed eyes. “Please, Spencer. Listen to me, I need you to-”

“He was the chosen one. Such a shame he couldn’t handle himself. We thought he was special. He was supposed to be our ultimate sacrifice. Perhaps you’ll fit the bill instead.” Yet another voice, male again but softer than ones that came before. 

“Spencer, I know you’re in there.” Your body was trembling, arm throbbing. 

“I’d run if I were you sweetheart.” Spencer, who was talking in another feminine voice different to the first, cocked the shotgun again. “He has a history of getting the women he loves killed.”

You took a breath, looked him dead in the eyes, searching for any small trace that Spencer was still in there somewhere. You saw none. 

He was well and truly gone, lost to multiple other people you could only assume were voices from his past. If you didn’t do as they said, if you didn’t run, one of these people living inside of Spencer was likely to kill you. 

And so that’s what you did. 

You spun quickly on your heels and you ran. You didn’t make it out of the barn before the trigger was pulled and a bullet whizzed past you and into the wall of the stable. 

You screeched at the sound, fear rattling your entire body. But you couldn’t stop. You could never stop. 

And so you ran for your life. 

@kalulakunundrum @katrina0-0 @bakugouswh0r3 @prettyboyandthefangirl @zooni92802 @babyspiderling

[adore-laur]

DAD HARRY: PART THREE

— part one | part two

October—Flashback

The leaves on southern California’s oak and cottonwood trees are changing colors at last. Various shades of green bleed into marigold and maroon to commence the beginning of autumn. The weather is pleasant when it nears the end of the year, with temperatures never dipping below seventy degrees. Brisk winds blow by the Pacific Ocean, and migrating clusters of monarch butterflies flutter around orange milkweed with their stained-glass wings, looking similar to the plants they feed from.

Driving alongside the premature sunset, you press your foot on the brake pad and pull into the crowded restaurant parking lot. Harry has been bartending for a wedding's cocktail hour, which he seldom does under his title of head chef. Before he left, he mentioned that he wanted to talk to you about something important after his shift, so he reserved a table in the dining area where both of you could discuss it over dinner. Luckily, he doesn't have to work his way into the early morning since someone will replace him once the reception officially starts.

Today is Harry's last shift before he'll be home for an extended period of time. He managed to save all of his annual vacation days and is free from work for the last month of your pregnancy, as well as being allowed twelve weeks of paternity leave once the baby is born.

It's difficult to imagine how much convincing it took and the scheduling difficulties Harry had to face to get everything sorted. You're worried that the restaurant will crumble without his supervision, but you shouldn't judge his expertise on the matter. He knows what he's doing.

You stroll through the front doors while smoothing the chiffon fabric of your dress over your baby bump. Frequently, you’ve been wearing Harry's shirts ever since your bump has gotten too large to wear your own, but you wanted to look nice tonight. It’s been grueling trying to accept your changing body, which is why you strive to do little things to take care of your mental health. Even though you've been more concerned about your physical health as of lately, if something as simple as putting on a pretty dress can boost your confidence, you'll take advantage of the opportunity.

Carefully weaving through round, decorated tables, you peer at the bar area operating against the farthest wall. Harry's back is turned to you, broad and familiar, as he washes cocktail glasses. His defined muscles shift under the tight, black button-up he wears, and the sleeves are rolled up to his elbows, revealing the array of tattoos on his forearms. He's also sporting fitted slacks with matching suspenders attached to them. He's been growing out his hair during the last couple of months, with curls now flourishing past his ears. He always keeps them pushed back with a bandana or headband so that they don't fall in his eyes while he works.

You don't want to be a nuisance and steal a seat from any guests, so you stand off to the side and wait for Harry to finish his cleaning duties. His bulky rings clink against champagne and wine glasses as he dries them with a rag and sets them under the counter. You can hear him faintly whistling along to the jazz music coming from the connected banquet hall.

Once Harry finishes wiping his station clean, he sneakily takes out his phone and starts typing—you assume he's texting you to let you know he's done. He then washes his hands as another bartender walks behind the counter to clock in. They must be the one replacing him. You're not too knowledgeable about the rotation of bartenders since Harry is almost always in the back running the kitchen. It’s intriguing to see him adjust his skill set in a different environment.

He gives the employee a friendly squeeze on their shoulder before clocking out and heading in your direction. He nearly brushes past you while taking his phone out again, completely oblivious to your presence, and you laugh before stopping him with a hand on his chest. It makes him stumble back with a confused frown, but he quickly smiles in surprise when he recognizes you.

"How'd you get in?" he asks breathlessly, kissing your cheek.

"I told the security guards at the gate that I’m picking up my husband. If they said no, I was going to tell them my water broke."

He smirks proudly. "Clever. How are you feeling? Baby's good?" He holds your upper arms, and his eyes scan your body as if you've changed drastically since you saw him only four hours ago.

"All good. Just a sore back like usual." You toy with one of his suspender straps. "What about you? It's your last shift for a while."

Exhaling happily, Harry clasps your hand in his and says, "I feel fantastic. Let's go eat, yeah? I'm starving."

He guides you through an open doorway leading to the restaurant's dining area, where your reserved table is. In the back of the room, you spot a candlelit booth with plates, silverware, and two glasses filled with ice water. The water doesn't go unnoticed, considering Harry set a goal for himself to stop drinking alcohol along with you.

On the windowsill, a stout vase with beautiful red roses catches your eye as you sit down. Harry slides into the seat across from you. Only a few other booths are occupied—otherwise, the room is serenely quiet, with the occasional clink of metal and a sprinkle of chatter.

"You look angelic, by the way," Harry says before taking a sip of his water.

"Thank you," you whisper, nudging his foot with yours under the table. "I like your suspenders. They remind me of when you used to be a rookie assistant chef that I'd visit. You wore them under your chef coat with a fancy little neckerchief. I thought you looked so adorable."

"Now I'm old and weathered," he replies wryly.

"Well, you're turning thirty soon. And you'll be a dad in a month. Isn't that when someone officially becomes a DILF?" You're not sure why you casually mentioned the racy acronym over a romantic dinner, but it's too late to retreat now.

Harry's eyes gleam, and he fails miserably at hiding a smile under his scrunched nose. "Pardon? What are you trying to insinuate, darling?"

"Nothing! Never mind,” you say, embarrassed that you ever spoke. "I was only trying to bring up a nice memory. Reminiscing, if you will. Forget I said anything."

"I'm definitely not forgetting that. That ugly neckerchief, however..." He laughs at himself. "God, it feels like forever ago. Time flies."

"I thought it was kind of attractive," you mumble around the rim of your glass.

He raises his eyebrows as a warning to not start something you don't want to finish, then clears his throat and rests his forearms on the table. "Speaking of work, that's what I wanted to talk to you about tonight. I want you to keep an open mind, okay?"

Your lips downturn in curiosity. Just as you're about to reply, a waiter arrives at the table with a tray of steaming dishes and places them in the center. You texted Harry what you wanted from the menu after he left this morning, and since he's the boss, everything is free, cooked to perfection, and served promptly.

"Thank you," Harry says before focusing on you again. The waiter leaves, and you begin picking at your food to distract yourself from your increasing heart rate.

"Um, did you say work? Did you get a promotion? Is that even a possibility for a head chef?"

You can physically see the color drain from his face. "So," he says nervously, ignoring your questions, "the baby's coming soon, yes? Obviously."

"Right," you reply with suspicion.

Shifting in his seat, he sets his fork down and runs a hand through his tousled hair. "Listen, the restaurant during autumn and winter isn't as busy as the summertime. You know that. And because of that, I want to be home with you and the baby as much as possible. And I will with paternity leave, but once I go back to work, my hours will pick up again, and it'll be—"

"Harry, just tell me," you interrupt gently. He has a bad habit of running circles around topics.

He blows out a long breath. "I'm demoting myself. It's in the works that I'll be the sous chef when I return, so that means fewer hours and more time at home."

You're glad you don't take a sip of water yet because you nearly choke. Demotion? He’s never mentioned that before.

"Can I ask why in the world you would do that?" you ask. You don't mean to sound snippy, but pregnancy hormones, mixed with Harry's revelation, cause a pit of unwarranted annoyance to simmer in your gut.

"Love, let me explain." He reaches his hand across the table and squeezes yours. "This is my choice. It's final, all right? I'm not going to work ten hours a day, six days a week, while you're at home with our baby. That's ridiculous."

"But what about—"

"Stop while you're ahead, because you're going to overthink it," he says calmly. "If you're worried about money, don't be. It's only a slight decrease in my wage. Everything will be fine."

Your annoyance wins as you slide your free hand down your face. "You realize that we'll need more money when the baby comes. It's common sense. Why would you think cutting your hours is a smart idea?"

Harry scoffs like what you're saying is illogical. He leans in closer so that the impending argument doesn't disrupt anyone's dinner, his voice hushed yet stern when he replies, "Would you rather have me come home every day absolutely knackered and then spend a maximum of four hours with our child before I have to get up to do it all over again? Hmm?"

You shake your head in irritation and remove your hand from his. "It's called adapting. It may be tough at first, but it becomes second nature. We just have to wait until the baby gets here to figure out a schedule that works."

Harry falls back against the booth. He throws his hands up in frustration, and they slap against his thighs before he says, "Do you realize how stupid you sound right now? You're talking about money and scheduling like we're—"

"I'm leaving." When you stand, Harry's mouth instantly clamps shut. You don't care that you barely ate your food—you can't listen to him anymore. You're awfully close to lashing out.

Heading the way you came from, you hear Harry's footsteps scuffing the floor behind you. Once you're in the parking lot, you groan when you remember that he has to ride home with you since you dropped him off earlier. While you struggle to unlock the car, you see Harry in your peripheral, striding to stop you from going any further.

"I didn't mean it. I'm sorry." His shoulders sulk, and he looks genuinely distraught. "Can we please talk this through when we get home?"

Your eyes dance over his defeated expression. You can’t say no since you live together, plus you promised years ago never to go to bed angry at each other. So, you nod your head, and he shoots you a timorous smile before withdrawing to the passenger side.

As you drive, you give Harry the harrowing silent treatment. He deserves it, considering he's looking out the window with his arms crossed and pouting like a child. The only sound in the confined space is the air conditioner running and cars whooshing past on the freeway. Your stomach grumbles, and you feel terrible about leaving two five-star plates of food untouched at the restaurant.

After several minutes of dreadful silence, Harry finally breaks the tension when you park in the garage. He grabs a white envelope tucked in the center console and asks, "What's this?"

Oh. You forgot about that.

"Nothing," you mutter, unbuckling your seatbelt.

Harry rolls his eyes and flings the envelope onto the dashboard, then reaches over to take the key out of the ignition. Seconds pass before you hear him open the front door and then shut it harder than necessary.

You swallow down vexation. There have been tiny arguments more often since you got pregnant, and you blame your hormones every time for getting irritated so easily. Usually, Harry isn't the sole reason for those heightened emotions, but there are situations when he can be so stubborn that you just want to shake him out of it.

Eventually, you get out of the car with the envelope in hand and head down to the beach for some time alone. It'll be nice to sit by the water and cool down, figuratively and literally. You have an inclination that if you try to hash it out with Harry right now, it will only result in more regretful words said.

You reach the private stretch of sand that’s part of your beachfront property, holding your bump protectively as you descend the wooden steps. It's chilly by the oceanside this time of year, so you grab a towel that was left on the railing from previous evenings and drape it over your shoulders.

As the October sunset tinges the sky with orange and pink streaks, you sit down and reflect on the unfortunate escalation of your conversation with Harry. You love him dearly and could never feel an ounce of hatred toward him. He has never given you a reason to doubt anything, but to put his career on the back burner without mentioning it to you is hurtful. You almost feel guilty knowing he made the choice because of you and the baby. Sometimes, you shy away from being the main priority because you don't want to feel like a burden. In retrospect, it's incredibly thoughtful that he wants to work less to spend quality time with the baby when they arrive. On the other hand, you can't help but worry that you won't be financially secure because of it.

"Hungry?"

Your head shifts to find Harry walking toward you with a spoon and a strange-looking fruit in his hand. It's impossible not to smile when you note the outfit he changed into—pale yellow trousers and an argyle knit sweater. All of his rings are off except for his gold wedding band. His feet are bare.

He's the love of your life and has nothing but pure intentions, so how could you not trust his decision?

"What is that?" you ask, pointing to the half-cut fruit as Harry gets comfortable beside you.

"A papaya," he replies with a shrug. "A pregnancy blog said that at thirty-two weeks, a baby is as big as one of these bad boys. So, naturally, I bought one."

You have to turn your face so he doesn't see your irrepressible smile. You're not giving him the benefit of seeing you crack from his endearing ways just yet. "You're an unusual man, Harry Styles. Do you plan on buying more fruit for the last four weeks?"

"I already put pineapple on the grocery list," he says unconcernedly as he scoops out a chunk from the fleshy fruit. "Anyway, I didn't come out here to discuss fruit." His tongue sticks out when he takes a bite, the spoon leaving his mouth with a pop before he points it at you. "Still mad at me?"

You sigh, knowing it's useless to continue acting like he's in the wrong. "I can't stay mad at you. And I don't know why I got so worked up. I was just being overdramatic."

Harry hums thoughtfully as he swallows another bite. "Expressing how you feel isn't overdramatic. Don't apologize for having those feelings, especially toward me. Yell at me if I'm being a dick; kiss me if I'm being a dreamboat. It’s simple, baby." He finishes his little speech by shoving another spoonful of papaya into his mouth, chewing introspectively while staring at the waves.

"Was it Socrates who said that?"

He plucks your bottom lip with the spoon and murmurs, "You're feisty today."

"Back to the topic," you say before he can rile you up. "Money shouldn't have been what my mind first went to. It's still a concern, but ultimately, making time for our family is the most important thing. I apologize for freaking out."

"You're forgiven." Harry scoots closer and holds a spoonful to your mouth. You accept the sweet flavor as he continues, "And I'm so sorry for saying you sounded stupid. Please know that that’s the furthest thing from the truth."

"We all say things we don't mean sometimes," you reply. “There's no use in acting like I haven't done the same thing in the past.”

Harry slings his arm around your shoulders, bringing you in for a warm side hug. "What you said is true, by the way. We have time to figure things out and adapt. Let's enjoy this last month we have to ourselves.”

You nod in agreement. "I also want to thank you for being so thoughtful and putting our family first. I trust you with this new life chapter. I don't doubt you at all."

"Don't worry about it," he says, kissing your temple. "I'm proud of you for dealing with every mental and physical change these past eight months. And I will always be here for you through the good and bad moments, all right? In sickness, in health, and everything in between.”

You smile fondly and take out the white envelope that’s been hiding under your leg. "Are you in the mood for a good moment with me?" Harry looks confused but nods anyway. "When you saw this in the car, it's not nothing like I said it was. It's from my prenatal appointment I went to a few days ago. I know we decided to find out the gender a month before my due date, so I had the doctor write the answer down.” You inhale an anxious breath. “I haven't looked at it yet."

Harry's eyes widen, and his mouth parts as he sets the papaya down. "I am not prepared for this. Wait, hold on. Let me breathe for a second." His head tilts up toward the sky as he takes dramatic, calming breaths.

You laugh and place the envelope on his thigh. "Do the honors, Styles. Let's see if your prediction is right."

He picks it up and carefully opens the seal. Unfolding the paper filled with your clinical notes, he quickly skims the tiny lettering to look for the answer he's been desperately waiting for.

"Holy shit," he says, his voice cracking as his hand covers his mouth.

"I'm guessing you're right," you say shakily, your eyes watering.

"Girl… we’re having a girl.”He wipes away his tears, smiling widely. "Why am I crying? I was confident it was a girl."

"Because it makes things more real," you say, leaning over to kiss his damp, rosy cheeks. "Now we know for sure."

"Come here, honey. Let me take a look at her."

You sit on your knees between Harry’s spread legs. He sets the envelope down and lifts your dress, revealing your bump that puts quite some distance between you and him. His hands splay across the taut skin as he leans down to kiss right above your belly button. He gazes up at you under his wet lashes and smiles against your stomach, his dimples carving pure happiness into his cheeks.

"I love you," he whispers with a sniffle. "I love both of you so much. With my entire soul."

In that moment, everything falls into place.

——

July—Present Day

Everything is falling apart.

Well, not really, but it sure feels that way when you bend over the toilet at seven in the morning and empty your queasy stomach once again.

It's the first Sunday in July, marking the tenth week of your second pregnancy. When you woke up with a wave of morning sickness a couple of hours ago, you noticed something peculiar. As you were rubbing circles on your abdomen to ease the nausea, it appeared that your stomach had seemingly popped overnight. The curve was more prominent and firm—a small bump you must have mistaken for bloating. It’s pretty much nonexistent in any loose garment, but anything tight will hug it nicely and be a constant reminder of baby number two growing in there.

Dizzily standing, you move toward the sink to brush your teeth for the umpteenth time, then gurgle some spearmint mouthwash to diminish the rancid taste in your mouth. Pots and pans clang downstairs as you wipe your lips, and the occasional giggle from your daughter mixes with Harry's theatrical voice, which he puts on whenever she watches him cook.

The smell of sizzling bacon doesn't help the swirling feeling in your stomach as you head downstairs to the kitchen. Their lighthearted commotion grows louder, and you stop in the doorway to soak in your favorite part of Sunday mornings. Harry is in front of the island, and your daughter stands on her tiptoes on a step stool next to him, the two of them watching pancakes turn golden brown on the griddle. He's in full Dad Mode with tired eyes and an outfit that screams: I have a toddler and pregnant wife at home. In other words, a black button-up with pink flamingos on it and grey pleated trousers. They don't match whatsoever, but you know he doesn't care. Clothing isn’t his prime concern—family is.

He voyages around the kitchen, pouring orange juice, dropping chocolate chips into the batter, and ensuring your daughter's little hands don't touch anything hazardous. Your hand subconsciously drifts to your bump as you think about how you'll get to see him interact with a newborn again—cuddling them, rocking them to sleep, and pretending to eat their chubby hands and feet. He still does all those things with your daughter, and it breaks your heart knowing she'll grow out of it one day.

"Good morning," Harry says with his back turned, halting your daydreaming. How does he always sense your presence?

When you don't say anything, he turns to glance at you while sliding a heart-shaped pancake onto a plate. Your smile stretches wider as you curl your pointer finger to beckon him closer. He gives you a confused look before unplugging the griddle and instructing your daughter not to touch anything on the counter. She'll be too distracted by the cartoon playing on the television to even notice that the both of you will be gone for a moment.

"What's up, baby?" Sauntering toward you, Harry sticks his thumb in his mouth to lick some excess pancake batter off.

"I have a surprise for you," you whisper, accepting his slow, relaxed kiss.

"Yeah? S'it my half-birthday or something?" he asks, his voice still gravelly and slurred from sleep.

"No, this isn't about you," you tease with a pinch to his hip. "Come with me."

You grab his hand and lead him to the bathroom just down the hall. Flicking the light switch on, you stand in front of the mirror and say, "I'm ten weeks along. I woke up with a little morning sickness, and look!" You lift your shirt and turn to the side to show him a better angle of your stomach. "It was just pudge before, but it's an actual bump now."

Behind you, Harry rubs his warm hands over the swell and marvels at it. "Well, I’ll be damned. You... fuck, this happened overnight. I was spooning you this morning! How did I not notice?"

"I don't know. I didn't notice either, and it's my own body." You shake your head disbelievingly and place your hands over his. "I read that a woman's second pregnancy will have them showing earlier. I guess that's why I popped so soon. Last time, I didn't show until fourteen weeks or something like that."

He hums lowly, pulling you further back against his chest. "I've missed seeing you like this. It makes you glow more than usual." His mouth is by your ear when he murmurs, "Makes me hard."

"You're so naughty in the mornings," you say, removing yourself from his grasp and pulling down your shirt. "C'mon, let's eat breakfast."

Harry whines in protest, gently grabbing your face and turning it toward him so he can nip your nose and then lock your lips together. After your stolen moment alone, the both of you head back to the kitchen to enjoy another blissful Sunday morning.

——

Takeout pizza is on the menu tonight. The Volvo’s trunk is open, with blankets and pillows strewn about to create a fort-like space for the three of you to sit in. Harry drove the vehicle down to the beach so you all could watch the sunset and feel the ocean breeze.

You get comfortable in the trunk and set paper plates and napkins down. Harry and your daughter are in the nearby beach grass, picking wildflowers that blossom there. They wander, her tiny hand gripping stems while her other holds Harry’s. Her precious strawberry-patterned dress flows in the wind.

Moments later, they come strolling toward the car with content smiles. Your daughter crawls into the trunk with your help and hands you a makeshift bouquet of yellow and purple wildflowers.

"Thank you, sweetheart," you say, kissing her windswept hair.

Harry places his hands on either side of your thighs and leans in for some of your affection. You peck his lips—they're pink from the fruit punch he made earlier. Before he retreats, he glances at your baby bump and then looks at you with a crooked smile, his thumb delicately stroking the curve.

"Kumquat," he says, clicking his tongue.

You laugh, albeit not understanding. "Come again?"

"A baby at ten weeks is the size of a kumquat," he explains, like it's a well-known fact.

"Interesting," you say. "Well, the kumquat is hungry, so get up here and cut the pizza."

Your daughter is oblivious to the conversation as Harry scoots next to you and begins rolling the pizza cutter. His forearm muscles flex, the veins popping out. "Small bites, little lady," he tells her as he puts a slice on her plate.

Reaching behind you, you grab the bottle of sparkly pink nail polish you brought out. "She wants you to paint her nails."

Harry nods and pats his lap. She sits between his legs and waits patiently. While taking the bottle of polish from you and shaking it, his phone’s ringtone suddenly goes off. He juts his lips out as he reaches into his pocket to check the number.

"Hello?" he answers, balancing his phone between his ear and shoulder. He opens the polish’s cap and begins painting her nails.

You observe his facial expressions. He has a serious look and frequently nods as he listens to whoever's on the other end of the line. You pluck a green pepper off the pizza and eat it, feeling a swirl of anticipation in your gut.

"Tomorrow? Are you sure?" he asks. You hear an unfamiliar muffled voice before he says, "Awesome, thank you. Call me if anything changes. Okay, bye." He sets down the nail polish and hangs up before resuming painting her pointer finger.

"Who was that?" you ask while tucking a wildflower stem behind his ear. He looks handsome in the evening light.

"My boss," he says, licking his thumb and wiping a smudge he made. “I don't have to go in tomorrow since there are barely any reservations."

"No sparkles," your daughter blurts before you can reply. Harry freezes and eyes you perplexedly.

"What?" you ask. She points to one of her painted nails and frowns. You gently take her hand and observe it closely—no sparkles are showing up. "I'm sorry, sweetie. It must be icky polish. We can take it off and get another one."

It's almost scary how quickly the waterworks start. You exhale as you take the plate from her so she doesn't throw a fit and make a mess. She's crying and staring at Harry like he's the cause of no sparkles. Well, maybe he didn't shake the bottle enough, but you keep your mouth shut so you don't make matters worse.

Harry grabs her waist and props her in front of him. "Mommy said we can get some more, all right? We’re not throwing a tantrum right now. Behave, or I'm not painting your nails."

You could have predicted what happens next from experience. Her harmless fists hit his chest in frustration, and undried polish smears all over his shirt. Harry has always been good at controlling these minor mishaps, so he inhales deeply before lifting her writhing body.

"Early bedtime it is, then," he mutters while walking toward the house.

You begin cleaning up the short-lived dinner. It isn't anything new you've had to deal with, but it exhausts you, especially when she has a tantrum during family time. You take the pizza box out of the trunk, then close it and decide to clean everything else tomorrow. You drive the car up to the garage and lock the doors before stepping inside.

After putting the pizza in the fridge, you stand outside your daughter's bedroom door and listen for any crying or screaming. A sigh of relief leaves you when only subsiding whimpers indicate her tantrum has deescalated for the night.

Opening the door, your heart softens at the sight you walk in on. Harry sits against her headboard, his feet hanging past the edge of her bed, as he cradles his baby girl. He soothingly rocks her side to side with his eyes closed as he rubs circles on her back. Her heavy eyes are barely open, and her tear-stained cheeks are smushed against Harry's chest. She's in her pajamas now.

You kneel next to her bed, and she extends her arm, reaching for you. Harry jolts awake and opens his eyes. His grip loosens when he notices that she wants you. You stand and take her in your arms, her legs hugging your waist. You then sit by Harry's thighs and quietly laugh when you see the residue of pink nail polish staining his shirt.

Harry grins and clasps his hands behind his head, stretching his limbs. "It's not funny. I bought this shirt because of her, and this is what I got in return. She's a menace."

You squeeze his ankle in good nature and say, "I wonder where she gets it from."

He gasps in faux offense and grabs your daughter's hand, shaking it playfully. "Mommy’s being mean, don't you think?"

She sleepily shakes her head. You raise your eyebrows smugly before smattering her cheeks with kisses until she smiles and tiredly whines into your neck.

Harry yawns before catching your gaze and jerking his head toward your stomach. "Should we tell her?" he mouths.

Your heart rate quickens. You're not worried that she'll be upset, considering she’s asked—as best she could with her limited vocabulary—if she could have a sibling on a few occasions. You think it's time to tell her the news now that you're showing.

When you nod, Harry swings his legs over the mattress and crouches between your knees. You shift your daughter so she's settled sideways on your lap, then nod again to let him initiate the conversation.

"We have something to tell you, sweetheart," he says with a fond gentleness reserved only for her. Her head turns away from the safety of your neck. "You know how you've been asking about a baby brother or sister?" She nods languidly, prompting him to ask, "Can you look at Mommy’s belly?"

You situate her beside you and lift the stretchy material of your tank top. Harry says, "There's a baby in her belly." He guides her hand to your bump. "Your brother or sister is growing in there."

Her expression is unreadable at first, but then she gazes at you with curious eyes. "Baby," she utters drowsily. She's about one second away from slipping into a deep sleep.

"I don't think she'll remember in the morning," Harry says with a laugh.

You smile dotingly and stand before tucking her into bed. You kiss her forehead and watch her doze off as Harry tells her goodnight, whispering his boundless love for her and sealing his truthful words with a feather-light kiss to both of her cheeks.

Shutting off her bedside lamp, you leave the room with Harry hot on your heels. You're in the process of pulling your tank top down on the way to your bedroom, but before you can reach the door, Harry grabs your hips, stopping you in the dim hallway.

"You can't look this good and go straight to bed," he says, his breath warm and intimate.

"Mom needs her sleep before work tomorrow," you reply with a smirk. Although you wouldn't mind staying up a bit longer if he continues complimenting you.

"Please, baby," he murmurs, his hands drifting dangerously lower. "Just a quick one, yeah? I'll let you do whatever you want to me."

Don't give in, you tell yourself. Make him work for it. 

"Anything?" you ask sensually as his fingers begin to brush along your inner thighs, causing your knees to weaken temporarily.

Harry licks his lips, his tongue poking your neck with the faintest touch. "Don't act like I wouldn't let you ruin me, darling."

You clench your thighs around his hand, and he groans against your neck. "But I'm so tired, Harry. It won't last very long if I do what I want with you."

"Like I give a shit." He cups your core with his palm, his impatient fingers stroking over the fabric of your silk pajama shorts. "You could give me the sloppiest blowjob ever, and I'd still worship the ground you walk on."

You bite your bottom lip, suppressing the urge to moan. "Will you run me a bath afterward?"

"We can fuck in the bath instead."

You ponder for a second. "It would be an easy cleanup. We'd have to do it in the downstairs bathroom, though, and you'd have to be quiet. Think you can handle that?"

"I don’t know. Do you plan on making me scream?"

"I could always put those suspenders you wore today in your mouth to shut you up."

He exhales a sexy breath, one that reveals you caught him off guard. "You'd like that, wouldn't you?"

You hum and grab his hand, raising it to your mouth to nip at the calloused pad of his thumb before walking down the stairs to the bathroom just around the corner. The porcelain tub awaits, and you turn the knob and plug the drain. The bay window it sits in front of exhibits an endless ocean and a sky that’s fading into starlit shades of dark blue.

Once the water is high enough and sufficiently warm, you shut the faucet off and begin removing your clothes. Harry enters the bathroom a few moments later and locks the door behind him. He unbuttons his shirt slowly while facing the mirror, his eyebrows furrowed in concentration.

You step into the tub and watch him. He's taking his trousers off now, his exposed back muscles flexing along with his biceps as he shimmies the garment down his legs. His body is truly something from a beautiful dream. Every inch blesses your eyes.

He's entirely naked when you break away from your reverie. His long legs gracefully step over the tub's ledge to settle behind you. A muted moan escapes him when his cock rubs against your lower back.

"Already making noise, and I haven't even started yet," you tease, leaning into his touch.

"Can you blame me? I have my wife"—his fingers glide against your pulsing entrance—"dripping for me. Absolutely soaked."

"Then do something about it."

Harry palms your clit, and you instinctively bend your knees. "I thought you wanted to be in control tonight."

"Will you be good? You have a reputation for getting antsy and taking over."

His hands travel to your sensitive breasts, squeezing them. "Yeah? Does that bother you?"

"You know I like it when you're submissive. Especially when you whine for me and try to touch me when you know you can't."

"Go on, then. Take care of your husband."

"I'm going to take care of myself first." You turn around and straddle his thighs—above his kneecap, your name is inked permanently.

"Ride it. You're the only one who's allowed to." His hands try to latch onto your waist, but you slap them away.

"Touch yourself while I ride you."

Harry's tongue pokes the inside of his cheek as he grips his cock, squeezing and twisting to satiate himself. You grind on his thigh to relieve the building pressure and stifle your moans into his neck. You’re slick with arousal as his thigh muscle flexes with each motion. He starts pumping, his arm resting on the edge of the tub. Your palm presses against his abdomen, causing him to release a choked moan.

You shush him. "You have to be quiet. What do you need? Tell me what you want, and I'll give it to you since you're being so good."

"You," he whispers with a pained look etched on his face. "I need you around my cock. Please, please, please."

His voice dies with each plea, and you cradle his limp head as he fully submits to you. Whenever he begs, you unravel too. Your dominant wall crumbles with his whines, and his deep voice always goes a pitch higher to show his desperation for you. His pink lips form solicitous praises and carnal noises of desire. You want to kiss them until they’re swollen and numb.

"I know," you say, kissing the indent between his eyebrows. "I'm ready."

Shakily lifting yourself off his thigh, you get Harry to sit up more in the tub so he can line his cock up with your entrance. When you slowly lower into him, he stretches your walls and sinks deep. Your fingers scratch his chest, your body leaning into him as you ride him. He moans, and you cover his mouth. His muffled whimpers encourage you to go faster.

Through ragged breaths, Harry says, "Let me come on your stomach. You're so beautiful like this."

Who are you to say no to such a filthy request?

"Are you close?" Your question lingers in the air, and Harry seems to be spaced out from pleasure because he doesn't answer. You feel him throb inside you as he jerks his hips up at a different angle. His glistening chest is heaving, and his eyes are pinched shut.

"Harry." You cradle his cheeks to bring him back to earth. "Are you close?"

He hears you this time, nodding fervently until, little by little, he slips himself out of you and stands up in the tub. You follow his lead and sit on the edge so that he towers over you. He holds his cock and looks up at the ceiling as he comes. You hold his free hand to balance him, his legs trembling and his lips pulled inward to stop any moans from escaping.

Harry’s warm release drips down on you, and once he finishes, he falls to his knees in the water, some of it splashing over the tub and onto the floor. His hands grip your ankles to put them over his shoulders, leaving sloppy kisses on your legs. You spread them more so he can finish you off. You could orgasm in two seconds flat if he puts his mouth on you.

"Fingers or mouth?" he asks.

"Mouth. Can I come on you too?"

He whines against your inner thigh. "Yeah?"

You nod, and Harry immediately latches his mouth on your clit. There's already pressure building in your lower stomach. He moves down to lick inside of you, his nose nudging your clit as his hands splay on your bump. It’s a protective move on his part.

"Feels so good," you say, placing your hands on the tub's edge to steady yourself. "I feel it. Please don't stop."

He licks a long stripe upward, not holding back by going inside so deep that it makes you ache. Your legs tighten around him until you sense your burning climax approaching.

"Harry. Please, I need—" You can't finish your sentence because Harry stands up abruptly and hooks his hand under your knees to lift you, carefully stepping out of the tub and setting you on the rug. It's messy and uncoordinated—however, he's never the one to give you a stagnant sex life.

He cradles you as your body quivers, then lays down on his back so you can fulfill your request. You straddle his torso, your slickness settling on his abdomen in the dim lighting of the bathroom. His thumb presses onto your clit, a move that always makes your orgasm boil over. Your neck tilts back, and you come. Harry's hands are everywhere—kneading your ass, rubbing up and down your thighs, and groping your breasts. You ride out the last of your release. His skin is sticky with your arousal, and you eventually collapse on your back next to him in exhaustion.

"C'mere, love," Harry says, his arm extended. “You're too far away."

You exhale, your hands resting on your bump. "I can't. My legs feel like jelly."

Harry snorts a laugh and sits up. He quickly unplugs the drain and crawls over to hover above you, placing a kiss on your stomach. He blindly finds a towel nearby and begins wiping you clean.

"This is the lamest aftercare ever," you say, laughing tiredly. The dry towel doesn't feel nice on your sweaty skin, and Harry's movements are lazy.

"That's enough out of you," he replies through his exhaustion, gently cleaning your stomach.

"Should I take off work tomorrow?" you wonder aloud. "I want to sleep in."

"Yes," he whispers, grabbing your hands to position you upright. His eyes take in every bit of you. "Look at you. You're going to be the death of me."

Every nerve of yours seems to tingle at his words. "Remember when I was pregnant last time, and you nearly broke my back during sex?"

Harry cackles way too loud, and you hush him as his hands slap over his mouth. "I was so scared when that happened. But I could only take you from behind because you were ready to pop, so it's not entirely my fault."

"Excuse me? How is that not your fault?" You yank the towel from his loose grasp and begin cleaning him. "I'm surprised my water didn’t break with how hard you were going."

"Jesus, you've got a dirty mind. Save it for later, would you?"

A comfortable silence ensues while you both wrap towels around your bodies and then head to the bedroom. You pick out one of Harry's shirts and a pair of underwear. He slides into some black boxers. While you ruffle your slightly damp hair, he sneakily picks you up and lightly tosses you on the bed, making you squeal in surprise.

"Are you really going to take off work tomorrow?" he asks, kissing along the column of your throat.

"Yeah. I'll lie and say my morning sickness is bad."

His kisses move to your cheeks. "And what if it actually is?"

"Then my husband will wait on me hand and foot," you say with a grin. "He’ll feed me soup in bed. Massage me. Kiss me better."

Harry tucks a strand of your hair behind your ear. "You know I'd do that anyway, right? Just say the word, and I'll do anything."

You stare at his kind eyes and inviting lips. The shadow of his dimple even when he's not smiling. His perfect nose that resembles your daughter's. His cheeks that were meant to be pinched fondly. His simple smile that made you fall in love from day one. The love of your lifetime, with a soul that shelters his heart that overflows with love.

"I love you,” you say.

A whispered reciprocation is spoken, and it's all you need in the world.

——

[gothamite-rambler]

Cass and Jason becoming friends conclusion

Previously on Cass and Jason becoming friends (this is if Cass and Jason were friends and closer siblings. Enjoy!)

---3 weeks later---

Bruce Wayne sat outside, debating with himself how to help Jason without bothering him.

Bruce (talking to himself): He needs more bat friends and I need to get updates on his life. The boys won't work, Stephanie? No.

Cassandra Cain, walked up to Bruce and tapped him on the shoulder. He turned around.

Cass (waving): Hi Bruce.

Bruce: Hello Cassandra ... Cass! You'll work!

Cass (intrigued): Work for what?

Bruce: You remember meeting my son? Really tall, kind of around my height, white streak in the middle of his hair, you said hi to him, he questioned why I kidnapped you... when I didn't kidnap you?

Cass: Oh Jason. Yeah, he's withdrawn from others, but we've chatted a few times. His eyes showed sadness when we first met, but in one of our meetups his jaw was less clenched and he only called me a weirdo. Then one time I told him he could stab me to discuss why killing those he personally sees as irredeemable can be flawed.

Bruce: Okay that's good- You what?!

Cass: Don't worry, he never did it.

Bruce: Yes, but why- I'll discuss this later, I need you to do something with him for me.

Cass: You want me to befriend him?

Bruce: No I- Oh yes I want you to do that, but genuinely. I think you two would work... As... Friends. I'm not good at friends, but Clark sees us as 'best buddies'. Don't be annoyingly chipper.

Cass: Like Clark?

Bruce nodded.

Cass (shrugs): I would actually like to become friends with Jason. He's been through a lot and I want to show him the kindness that was deprived from him for a long time by certain people. You don't have to concoct a plan, I'll simply continue being my usual self.

Bruce crossed his arms satisfied, but then realized something.

Bruce: Wait, I give him kindness! I pay him 7000 a month!

Cass (patting her foster father on his chest): Which is your way to show love, no worries Bruce, you're a good father in your own way.

Cass left Bruce's house to meet with Jason, texting him from the number she was able to get from Barbara.

---Later the same day---

Cass in civilian clothes walked over to Jason as he texted on his phone.

Cass: Hi Jason.

Jason looked away from his phone, checking his right side to see the short black haired girl not behind him, but on his left side instead.

Jason (smiling): You switched places. Hi Cass, what did you call me for?

Cass: Bruce wanted us to meet up. He thinks we'd make good friends. Want to get frozen yogurt? My treat. 

Jason: In any other situation I'd say no, but I did say I tolerate you the most which means yes I'll go.

Cass (smiling sweetly): Excellent, that's good to hear. Let's go, I know this place called Pink Berry. Steph took me there once. You can get strange toppings. What's your favorite flavor?

Jason (walking with Cass): Mint chocolate or strawberry.

Cass (bumping her arm against Jason's): You can mix the flavors there.

Jason: Cool.

Cass giggled.

Jason (smirking): That wasn't a pun.

Cass: Are you sure, pun-isher?

Jason (jokingly): You're ridiculous.

---At PinkBerry---

At PinkBerry Jason got a mix of strawberry and mint chocolate while Cass got french vanilla with cookie toppings.

Cass: Bruce wanted me to check your welfare as well. Mind if I ask a couple questions?

Jason: Not at all.

Cass pulled out a notepad that Jason recognized as Bruce's, making him chuckle softly while eating his frozen yogurt.

Cass: Mental health.

Jason: Not as bad as before. Don't cuss out people on the road anymore.

Cass: Have you made friends?

Jason: Yes.

Cass: Number?

Jason: Three currently.

Cass: You have a partner?

Jason: Had partners.

Cass: For that option he wrote, "Ask how many and if he's been safe?"

Jason: Not disclosing the number. Yes, I've been using protection... in the rare times I actually sleep with a woman.

Cass (giggled): Dating life is never easy.

Jason (jokingly): Is that on the notepad?

Cass: Nah, simply relating to you. The next question is "Are you physically healthy?"

Jason: Yes.

Cass: What do you use the money he sends you for?

Jason: 30% percent I save, the 70 % none of his business.

Cass: Hm... the next one is "Is he mad at me?" Are you?

Jason: Not as much, but we've mostly fixed that bridge. I don't like being around him most time though.

Cass: Noted. Under that he lists with a question mark near their names: Tim? Dick? Damian?

Jason: Care for all of them. Stephanie is growing on me.

Cass (with a smile): And me?

Jason: What would you like me to say? 

Cass: Be honest.

Jason (sincerely): Wow, you really are like him. I like you... you remind me of my friends.

Cass: I'm glad. He wrote a lot more, but I'll conclude with this: Are you doing better than you were years ago?

Jason (after thinking about the right answer): Yes.

Cass: Good. Let's eat.

Cass and Jason continued chatting about their lives both hero and civilian while enjoying their frozen yogurt enjoying.

---2 months later---

Cass: Hi Jason.

Jason: Hey Ca- Oh My God that’s an awesome suit!

Cass looked over her black bat suit then clapped eager he liked her new suit.

Cass: Thank you, it is Batman inspired. Is it okay to mention that?

Jason (nodding): You make it work. 

Cass: Hm… And you...

Jason: What do you notice about me this time?

Cass: You look content. How have you been?

Jason: How have I been? How have you been? Tell me what’s going on with Cassandra.

Cass: Oh, I- A lot if you’re willing to listen.

Jason: I’m free now.

Cass: As am I. You genuinely do look happy.

Jason (smiling): I am, you seem to be happy too. One question though, how do you breathe in that suit and not break a sweat?

Cass (taking a power pose): Sheer determination and being a bad ass.

Jason: Oh facts, that's why I wear my helmet.

Cass: I don't talk much either, so that helps. I'm well versed in sign language though.

Cass signed Jason's name to display her skill.

Jason: That's pretty good. I like that answer too, that way no one knows what you sound like.

Cass (smiling): Yeah, you get it.

Jason: Don't make that expression, they're going to think you're weak.

Cass: Yeah, but then I break their legs.

Jason chuckled making Cass elated that she made him laugh.

---Two weeks later---

Dick: Is everyone here? Where’s Orphan?

Cass: I’m here.

Dick yelped, jumping into Jason’s arms.

Cass: I arrived a few minutes ago, got distracted, back again. Hi Ja- Oops, Red Hood.

Jason dropped Dick on the ground causing the man to grunt in pain.

Jason: Hi Orphan, it’s good to see you, I didn’t say hi to you earlier. So I’m saying it now.

Cass: I'm glad you said it either way. It's good to see you and I'm happy to see you're mood seems to have elevated.

Jason: I love when you notice my progress.

Tim (crosses his arms): He’s not nice to me.

Cass: Oh Jason, can we do that hand hug we practiced?

Jason: For you, just once.

Cass clapped eagerly. The two clasped their hands together and gave them a little squeeze.

Cass (joking): Now you have my positive energy!

Jason: No take it away.

Jason and Cass laughed as their siblings looked on confused.

---After the mission ended---

Cass: I’m off, bye Red Hood.

Jason (waving): Bye Orphan.

Cass ran off with Tim following behind.

Dick: That was the nicest I’ve seen you be to a bat kid.

Jason: Yeah, she’s neat.

Dick: Oh wow, she's neat? You actually like her. That's sweet. How long did it take her?

Jason: About a year and a half.

Dick: That's a record. Did you know she's older than you?

Jason: Really?

Dick: Yep, a few months, but she’s strange at times. Bruce likes her, says she’s a mini him.

Jason: Huh… that’s not true. I like her, she’s been through way more than him and she smiles more. Although I died, which means I have more struggles, she's cool though.

Dick laughed, patting Jason on the back and heading out of the area with him.

[kai-anderson-whore]

Could you do a fluff imagine where Evan is starting to film Dahmer and his mental health isn’t the best and y/n is helping cheer him by visiting him on set, being there for him at home, etc?

Yes so this is kinda short I wanted to write longer I now have work so I apologise I couldn’t write more like I originally intended to do.

You need a break (Evan peters x Reader)

Summary: Evan’s mental health had took a toll since filming dahmer so you decided to cheer him up

Warnings: fluff, mentions of mental health, filming the dahmer series, mentions of Jeffrey dahmer

Word count, 1.2k

•¤❅¤•.•°˚˚°•..•°˚˚°•.•¤❅¤•.•¤❅¤•.•°˚˚°•.

The cold wind clouded around you as you made your way through the busy streets of lox angeles county. Two cups of coffee secured in a cardboard cup holder in hand. You set out to visit your boyfriend Evan peters on set hoping to cheer him up and make his day somewhat better.

You knew that some of his newer roles took a toll on his mental health after playing Kai Anderson in American horror story, but with his newest role of the infamous serial killer Jeffrey dahmer he was spiralling into the darkness once again. You couldn't blame him when he has a role he researches the role non-stop and detaches himself from his co-workers to get into the character.

It was unhealthy but it was his strategy for this role. You just wished he picked something more healthier for his own mentality. You walked on to the set luckily they were on a break, you searched for Evan but you bumped into Niecy Nash, "hey y/n you looking for Evan" she asked giving you a polite smile. "Hey yeah have you seen him I can't find him" you replied the cups of coffee slowly getting colder in your hand.

"Have you tried his dressing room?" She suggested pointing to the end room you thanked her wishing her luck on set before heading to the dressing room labelled peters, you knocked on the door incase he was busy. "Come in" you heard his voice through the door with your free hand you let yourself in seeing Evan on a chair scrolling through his phone doing more research on his role so he wouldn't miss a thing.

"Hey babe" you smiled placing a chaste kiss on his cheek. "Hey thank you" he smiles as you handed him the Starbucks cup. "So how was it today?" You asked striking up a conversation. "A bit stressful trying to portray the role but got there in the end just doing more research so I get it just right" he sighs clearly in another world right now.

"Maybe take this as a breather to be Evan for a moment instead of focusing on being dahmer for a while". Evan nodded his head at your words but you knew he wouldn't take your advice. "I can't what if I can't get back into the character or mess up the scenes I can't risk it" he protested you let out a soft sigh taking a sip of your bitter caffeinated drink.

"I'm just looking out for you Evan I mean look what happened before and this is a more serious and sinister role, I don't want you to spiral again." Your voice was low almost a whisper. Evan knew that you were looking out for him, he knew it wasn't fair on his own health and for you too but it was his job.

"I know you're just looking out for me and I'm appreciative of that don't think I'm not I am, it's just it's not fair on you having to worry about me" he said running his hand down his face in frustration. "What kind of girlfriend would I be if I wasn't" you teased to lighten the mood a little which kind of worked since he let out a small smile.

"Ryan says we get a break for a few days next week you know for a breather" Evan informed you let out a smile nodding your head. "Well tell you what we'll stay home I'll for a few days off of work and we can just stay at home and relax how does that sound?" You offered since Evan started filming the series you barely had time for yourselves at all. You've been busy with work and Evan with the show only time you both really saw a glimpse of each other was going to bed and waking up in the mornings.

"Sounds great" he smiled at you placing a kiss on your lips. "Right I better get going I was only on an hour break but I'll ask my boss for that little break next week and I'm all yours" you said before placing another gentle goodbye kiss on your boyfriends lips. "I love you" you heard him say behind you. Turning your head facing him once again "I love you too Evan" you smiled leaving him in the dressing room.

———

The next week came long you were in the kitchen doing some laundry folding the clean clothes up and throwing the dirty ones in the washing machine. Waiting on Evan finishing filming the final scene before his few days off. You wanted the place to comfortable for him so he can take this time to relax.

You spent the day making sure everything was perfect for him. Buying all his favourite snacks and treats for him coming home, you had planned on spending the evening in bed watching movies and stuffing your faces with food. Once you were finished with all the laundry you had some time to space you decided to order some take out from Evan’s favourite place while you waited for him to come home.

About twenty minutes later Evan walked into the door feeling exhausted. Tossing his keys into the little trinket dish you laid by the door sluggishly walking into the living room running a hand over his face. “Hey babe” he smiled lightly seeing you sat on the sofa with some tea. “Hey how you feeling?” You asked noticing his tired expression. “Alright just want to relax with you for the next few days” he sighs plopping down on the sofa resting his head on your lap.

Your fingers played with his hair, his eyes closed feeling more relaxed leaning into your touch. “I went out and bought your favourite snacks and I got takeout from your favourite place, I was thinking we could watch a movie and just have a very chill night” you said now holding his face in your hand’s running your thumb along his cheek bones. Evan smiled nodding his head at you. “Sound amazing babe”.

And if so it was clockwork the doorbell sung it’s little tune. You and Evan got up to answer. “Evan you sit I’ll get it” you instructed he complied sitting himself back on the sofa. You went to the door thanking the delivery driver and tipping him extra closing the door. “Dinner is served” you said setting the food on the coffee table.

After dinner you and Evan went into bed with all your snacks putting a movie on. You both cuddled up stuffing your faces with popcorn. It was relaxing and you noticed it lifted Evan’s mood his mind wasn’t thinking about work anymore. “Thank you I really needed this” Evan smiled looking down at you.

“No need to thank me Evan, I’m just glad your taking a break you deserve it” you replied meeting his gaze pressing your lips on his momentarily. you focused on the movie for another ten minutes till you heard light snoring you turned your head seeing Evan out cold his arm still over your shoulder. You couldn’t help but smile to yourself gently getting out his grasp to put all the snacks away and turn the tv off. You climbed back into bed cuddling Evan drifting into peaceful slumber.

[dckweed]

here's part two of jake and babygirl, i'm actually really really in love with them and it may or may not be because i constantly have baby fever. anyway, im thinking about making this a fun lil series that you guys can send in any prompts or requests for that come to mind ! silly, angsty, fluffy whatever doesn't matter, just figured that since this started off as a request that i could continue on its life that way as well..

i want to be completely honest with you guys, for the past two months now i have been in eating disorder treatment 3 hours a day 6 days a week..as of this week, ive been stepped down to 3 hours a day 4 days a week and will be completely stepping down from treatment by the end of the month..this has taken up alot of time, and alot of attention and typically by the time my day is over i am completely spent and mentally drained and haven't been putting much effort into you guys, but as part of my treatment i am going to start posting at least twice a week (if not every day) as a way of self care, because fic writing is genuinely a form of self care for me.

thank you for being patient with me, and please feel free to send in asks!

warnings: pregnancy! jake being completely soft for his babygirl but also being completely angered by her situation..morning sickness mentions, food aversion mentions, just floofy fluffness okay? use of y/n once, but other than that is just babygirl as usual. not super long but i love it. part one

'STAY WITH ME, PLEASE..' jake 'hangman' seresin

A week into your vacation Jake had convinced you to go to an obstetrician after learning that you hadn't seen one yet, concerned for your health and the health of the little thing in your womb, whom he was already attached to, even if it wasn't his. It was there that you learned that you were almost eleven weeks along, Jake sat in the room with you, holding your hand as the ultrasound tech dims the lights. He squeezes it as she squirts more warm jelly on your tummy than you thought necessary and digs the wand in at an uncomfortable angle, moving it and the gel around your skin. You were just barely showing signs of a baby bump, and you were shocked to find out just how big the baby actually was by this point.

"How is it already that big?" Jake asks exactly what you were thinking, making the tech chuckle. He was in complete awe, there was really a tiny little being inside of you, you were growing a life form and there was nothing more beautiful than that to him in that moment.

"They grow so much faster than you realize," The woman says, a pleasant smile on her face as she stares at the screen, typing a few things in with her free hand, Jake noted from his position that they were measurements. "Would you like to know the sex?"

"Yes!" He blurts out before you could even process the question, you stare at him eyebrows furrowed, confused as to why he was so eager and amazed by something that he hadn't helped create. You thought it was wonderful though that your best friend was wanting to be so involved and caring despite your situation.

"Well, dad, you're having a little girl.." She says, catching you off guard by the mention of Jake being the dad and by the fact that you were having a daughter. Jake squeezed your hand, and even in the darkness of the room you could have sworn that he was a little teary eyed.

"Isn't that amazing, babygirl?" He asks, looking over at you. Your eyes are glued to the screen, not bothering to correct the woman on Jake not being the father, it was a difficult situation to explain and you weren't quite sure you were up for it today. Tears form in your eyes as you think about the little girl growing in your womb, who would never know her daddy. You had to admit that that was probably a good thing, he didn't deserve either of you if his initial reaction was to just leave and never come back.

You knew Jake felt the same way too, you didn't even have to ask.

"This all feels like such a fever dream.." You say softly, your head leaned against the window of his truck as he drives through the streets, away from the obstetricians office. You had a print out photo of your baby in your hand, staring down at it as you rubbed your stomach absentmindedly, your mind running in circles.

"Why's that?" Jake asks, glancing over at you for a mere second, not wanting to take his eyes off of the road for too long.

You look at him, wondering if he realizes just how fucked up the situation is. "Jake, I am pregnant..my boyfriend, the father of my baby left me because he swore i was a whore and that you were actually the father, and that was before i even knew for sure that i was pregnant.." You say, word vomit spewing from your mouth before your brain could even process what was happening. "I've just found out that i'm having a little girl who's not going to have her daddy in her life, and honestly good riddance but..but..oh my god Jake what am I going to do? This wasn't part of the plan..my daddy is going to be so disappointed in me..oh my god my mama would be so fucking upset..."

You hadn't even realized that you were crying, or that you were starting to panic, the weight of the situation fully sinking in on you. "Oh my god Jake, she's never gonna meet my mama..oh my god.." Jake doesn't know what to do, but he knows he can't let you keep crying like this. He pull's over into a parking lot, right at the beach and near a bunch of shops, pulling his truck to a stop in the first empty spot he saw. There are tears streaming down your face at this point as the thoughts of your father and your dead mother run around in your head, he had never seen you like this before but he knew that it was probably just the hormones.

"Hey," He says, his voice soft and sweet, his warm body encompassing yours as he slides across the front seat towards you, having lifted the center console up. He unclips your seatbelt and pulls you towards him, holding your head against his chest, your ear pressed right where his heart is. He had done this with you a thousand times before, the sound of his heartbeat had always brought you back to earth when you would have moments like this. "you're okay, i got you babygirl, i always got you.." He whispers, his lips moving in your hair as he presses a soft, comforting kiss to the crown of your head. Somewhere, in the back of your mind, you wondered if he knew that these were the things that made you feel like he loved you in more ways than he let on, the things that gave you the smallest glimmer of hope.

You close your eyes, listening to his heartbeat and the slight rumble in his chest as he whispered things to you, slowly but surely calming you down. After a while you let out a shaky breath, your eyes opening to see the people milling about the small shopping center. "Where are we?" You ask, voice thick from the crying. Your head hurt and your eyes were heavy, you wanted to go back to his apartment and sleep, preferably in his arms, like you used to when you guys were younger.

"We're not too far from home," He says. Home..You liked the way that sounded coming from his mouth, it was always nice to hear it. "Do you want to get out and walk around? Go sit on the beach." You shake your head, sniffling softly. He kisses the top of your head once more, rubs your shoulder with his large hand. "Okay babygirl, let's go home..you look like you need some rest." He wasn't wrong, between the morning sickness that had been plaguing you in recent days, and the stress of everything, you hadn't been getting enough rest.

You manage to stay awake for the rest of the ride back, letting the gentle breeze through the open window soothe you. Jake doesn't say a word, but you see a look on his face, his eyebrows furrowed like he was thinking really hard about something. "Jake?" You ask, turning to face him, wondering what was on his mind.

"Stay." He says, looking over at you as he pulls up to his apartment building, the truck rolling to a stop. "..I..You should be here with me, you should've been with me from the beginning, but I was too chickenshit to man up and ask." You're shocked, and start to open your mouth, wanting to stop him. "Let me finish, damn it!"

"I haven't gone a day without talkng to you or thinking about you since the day I met you, and it's not just because you were my best friend, because you always will be that, no matter what, it's because i've been in fucking love with you since day one. And maybe i'm dumb because it's taken me so long to realize it, because everyone i've ever dated knew it but dammit i know it now, and have for a long time.." He rambles, you're unsure of what to make of this, your brain still processing that you were hearing him correctly. "I..know that this isn't the ideal situation, and i know that that little girl isn't my blood, but dammit i don't care because i already think of her as my kid, and i have since i found out..I can't let you walk away, not without knowing how i feel..I want to be with you through this, and through everything else in life so i can take care of you the way that you deserve, because Y/N, nobody else in this world is ever going to love you like i do.." You feel yours well with tears and subconsciously you pinch yourself, hoping to god that you weren't dreaming. "So stay with me, please.."

"Oh, Jake.." You whisper, tears spilling once more from your eyes. You can't make any other words come out of your mouth so you just nod your head and you watch his body sag with relief before you unbuckle your seatbelt and rush forward into his already waiting arms. He squeezes you tight and presses a long kiss to the top of your head as you hiccup.

"Hey, no more tears, babygirl, okay?" He whispers, leaning your head back as he brushes the tears away with his thumb, you lean into the embrace, a smile gracing your lips as your arms go around the back of his neck.

"They're happy tears, i promise.." You say, leaning forward to press your lips against his. You had though about this moment so many times in your life, and none of your wildest dreams had every prepared your for the real thing. Jake kissed you like a man starved, his hand on the back of your head, fingers scrunching up in your hair as he presses you as hard against him as he can. You groan at the possessiveness of it, pulling back after a moment to catch your breath. You can't help but let out a chuckle, leaning your forehead against his. "You picked one hell of a time to finally fucking say it, Seresin."

"Hey! You could've said it first too you know!" He says and you can't help but laugh, relishing in the way he smiles at you.

Jake & Babygirl taglist: @bellaireland1981 @sky0401 @memoriesat30 @bat-luna-cat @memeorydotcom @mayhemmanaged

[chrisevansonly]

Rough Patch Headcannon🐥💛 (Little Duck AU)

Pairing: Dad! Chris Evans x Momma Evans (Female Reader)

Summary: things aren’t always as they seem in the Evans household, and currently, it’s tougher than rough

Warnings: angst, mental health, arguments, fluff towards end:)

Back on bedrest once again after you got home from your appointment with Chris, Arlie was down for a nap so it made it easier for you to hide away in your shared bedroom, not wanting to talk to anyone or talk about anything

You didn’t think this pregnancy would be easy, especially with baby boy growing everyday and getting bigger and bigger, but the aches, the constant pain you were in mixed with a very active toddler were draining you more than you’d ever admit

It started 3 weeks ago when you noticed you felt down, you’d experienced this feeling before after giving birth to Arlie, the dark cloud swimming around over top of you, the weight on your shoulders, that on top of the unbalanced hormones with baby boy, were cause for disaster

It also wasn’t fair that you’d been so snappy with Chris recently, he never took offence to it, never got angry, he knew you were in loads of pain, he just wished he could take it from you

“Okay…please be good so I can wash my face baby..”

The plead seemed to work momentarily before he pushed roughly on your ribcage, a frustrated groan leaving your lips before angrily tossing your face products to the side

You couldn’t help the sudden sobs that escaped as you tried hard to hold it together and not have a total breakdown, Chris shoving the door open in worry a few seconds later

“Hey, hey, whoa honey…what’s going on?”

“I can’t t-take this pain anymore, all it is and a-all it has been is p-painful and I c-can’t even do anything a-anymore!”

Chris almost didn’t know what to say to try and console you, you didn’t stay in the bathroom long enough for him to hug you, opting to move back and get into bed

“What can I do to help you in this moment sweet girl?”

You shrugged and it was like all resolve left you

“Nothing. I don’t want anything, there’s nothing that can help, I’m giving up, I want to just be in pain in bed, alone and god I don’t fucking know!”

The minute you heard a soft whimper and a quiet “momma…?” your heart stopped and you cursed quietly to yourself, looking over to see Arlie, mr.duck clutched in her arms as her bottom lip wobbled, her eyes glassy

“Hi my love…come in”

“Why you yelling momma…? don’t like it.”

She walked close enough for you to help her on the bed, her little arm covering your bump and she rested against you

“I’m sorry duck, I didn’t mean to scare you, Momma just isn’t feeling well that’s all…”

Chris watched quietly sitting at your feet, his hand squeezing your ankle gently

“I s’owwy you not feeling well momma…I can help you feel better!”

A tired smile showed on your face as you rubbed a hand over her head, the frustration leaving your body only to be replaced with that sinking feeling of sadness and dread

“I bet you could my love..”

Chris could see the sudden drop your mood, leaning over to tickle Arlie’s little feet, a giggle filling the room

“Come on baby girl, let’s go make some of Momma’s favourite snacks, maybe do some art for her?”

Arlie sat up nodding her head before kissing your head softly

“Bye momma! Be back soon!!”

She ran off towards the hallway, Chris couldn’t help the laugh he let out watching her excitement at the idea of helping cheer her momma up, truth be told he wanted to help his wife in any way he could

“I’m sorry i’m being such a horrible wife and mom..I don’t know how you still stand to be around me”

It was instantaneous how his hands reached to hold your face, your eyes shifting to meet his

“I love you, I love you so much I would do anything for you, you know that…right?”

After you nodded he continued

“You are the best mother to Arlie and our little guy, and you are the best wife a man could ever ask for. I know things have been so incredibly hard, and you’re in a lot of pain, so much so that I wish we could swap places because seeing you hurting like this and not knowing how to help you is killing me..”

You hadn’t even realized you’d started crying until he swiped his thumb across your cheeks

“I-I’ve been so horrible to you…”

“You’ve been frustrated, in pain and going through a really rough time, I haven’t taken any of that to heart because I know that isn’t you…what I do want is for us to work together to help you get comfortable, and to help this beautiful brain of yours feel better..”

Chris moved to pull you into his side, his lips pressing a few kisses to your temple

“DADDY ‘HUWWY UP I NEED HELP!!”

You let out a soft laugh, the first one in a few weeks and Chris joined you, leaning down to press a kiss to your lips

“I missed that sound, we’re gonna take care of you and figure this out I promise you, now I believe little miss and I have some work to do to get our favourite girl feeling better”

“I love you Chris…”

He stopped at the door, turning to send you a smile

“I love you more sweet girl”

It was nowhere near over, you were nowhere near that happy and bubbly woman you’d once been, and that was okay. For the first time in 3 weeks you felt a little less down, the weigh on your shoulders eased the slightest amount. Although it still hurt and you were still struggling, knowing you had your little girl and your ever so sweet husband in your corner, made things a tiny bit lighter…and you’d take it🤍

[eoieopda]

jade, my dear, my darling, my husband. i have darkened the threshold of your inbox once again for your 2k drabblepalooza (congratulations by the way no one deserves the attention and recognition more than you ilysm) to ask you about park jimin. are you currently writing a miniseries for him? yes. is it enough? also yes. let's just say i'm here to even out the playing field of your requests. i'm doing this for you- nay, for US.

i have been overwhelmed and moody lately and was looking for maybe an established relationship!au with like hurt/comfort or sickfic but make it mental health? this is boring i am sorry LMAO please feel free to disregard i just have many feelings thank you for your time and energy and love OK BYE

happy wife, happy life!!!!! 🥹🩵

pairing: park jimin x gn!reader type: drabble | wc: 700 genre: hurt/comfort, fluff au: established relationship, sick fic rating: pg-13 (minors DNI w/ me regardless!) summary: a lazy day at home with your boyfriend is “self-care,” thank you very much. cw: none!

“Hydrating, detoxifying, brightening, or — uhhh, purifying?”

You lift your head up off the arm of the couch to peek over the back of it. It’s more physical effort than you’ve expended since you sat down two hours ago, but the sight is worth it: Jimin in a frenzy, half-buried in the cabinet below the bathroom sink, barely audible over the sound of his rummaging.

A man on a mission.

You snort. “Is all of the above an option?”

The past week took a lot out of you, and at this point, you’ll take whatever you can get. So far, you’d taken a day off of work, yourself off the grid, and your favorite throw blanket from the basket next to your couch. Your boyfriend — true to form — has taken it upon himself to do the absolute most.

Phase one of Jimin’s unspoken plan started before you’d even gotten out of bed. He’d left to get you boba and came back with not only your favorite tea, but every imaginable impulse buy he encountered on his way home that may come in handy.

Or make you laugh.

Or that smells nice.

Now that you’d been thoroughly showered in unanticipated gifts, Jimin was moving on to phase two. From what you’ve gathered, it includes literal, physical pampering.

Jimin sits back on his knees — careful to avoid bumping his head as he does so — and stares down at the impressive bouquet of plastic packages he’s accumulated. At least ten different types of sheet masks from as many different brands. Even though he’s angled away from you, you can see the way his face scrunches up, deep in thought.

“Are detoxing and purifying not the same thing?” Jimin mutters to himself without looking up.

Instead, he holds one of the mask packets as close to his face as possible, scans the tiny print with furrowed brows and narrowed eyes. Suddenly louder, he tosses his head back and confirms with a whine, “Baby, we bought synonyms.”

You’re too fond for words, especially when Jimin hears you giggling and looks at you, pouting. There’s a beat, then your laughter makes him laugh; and then his eyes disappear as a grin consumes his whole face. You’re not sure how it’s possible for a person to sparkle like that, but watching the way he lights up restores some of your depleted battery.

If life were a video game, there’d be a tiny, 8-bit heart reappearing on your screen.

+5 HP.

Out of spite, Jimin tosses the duplicate masks back into the plastic organizer they’re kept in, takes his final choice in hand, and climbs to his feet. It doesn’t take him long to cross from where he sat to where you sit. It takes even less time for him to launch himself over the back of the couch, where he lands gracefully in the empty spot at your feet.

Like the heartthrob he knows he is, he runs his fingers through his disheveled hair and pushes the strands out of his eyes. You blush — you always blush — and even though he’s not looking at you, the smirk tugging at his lips confirms that he knows that, too.

Jimin shifts on the cushion he’s claimed to face you fully. The untouched bottle of water on the coffee table catches his eye, though, and he frowns — first at it, then at you. Before he can remind you with words, you grab it, unfold the straw, and make a big show of taking a large gulp. Your cartoonish sigh after swallowing earns you exactly what you wanted: an eye roll and an affectionate squeeze on your bent knee.

With the straw still between your teeth, you mumble, “Does dating me ever feel like playing the Sims? You know, making sure my hunger and energy meters aren’t in the red?”

“Of course not.” He reaches out to cup your cheek with his hand. On instinct, you lean into the touch. With all the seriousness in the world, Jimin declares, “I would never stick you in a swimming pool and delete the ladder.”

Your laugh comes from deep in your belly, warms every part of you on the way out of your mouth. You tingle all over when Jimin leans over your bent legs to press a kiss to your forehead.

+10 HP.

[eomayas]

Can you write cold/hot bodyguard baekhyun and his s/o? Reader is really fall in love with him but she is shy. 🥺🥺

a/n: i think i may have misinterpreted this, but i hope you like it! thank you for the support, your request, and your patience. ❤️

the bodyguard • bbh [req]

pairing: bodyguard!baekhyun x celeb!reader

genre: fluff, angst

synopsis: reader has a small crush on her bodyguard, and they share a moment together.

warning: unrequited feelings, mentions of anxiety and poor mental health

you made it a point to know everybody on your team: hairstylists, makeup artists, photographers, stylists, your driver, etc. you also have made it a point to try and keep your staff for as long as possible, unless they express that they’d like to go elsewhere, or they break the rules you have set in place. so far, you’ve only had to have two new people for every position in the last seven years, except for one: your bodyguard.

your bodyguard, baekhyun, has been the most consistent person in your hectic life, and he does his job well. he’s the only one who hasn’t given you any problems—you’re the problem starter in this relationship—and generally stays out of the way and out of your business when he doesn’t need to be in it.

he’s great, to say the least. he only has one major flaw, and it’s that he has to go everywhere with you, all because you made a little mistake two years ago.

you went out to get some snacks, driving yourself rather than calling up your personal driver because it was 2am. you didn’t want to be a nuisance, just wanted to go to the corner store for a few things. all was going smoothly, until you accidentally bumped into somebody on your way out, and they saw who you were and followed you back to your house. luckily, you were just renting the place for a few weeks so it wasn’t actually your residence, but it was enough to set off alarms throughout your team, thus upping the security around you and making baekhyun go with you everywhere, no matter the time or place. he’s always there.

the both of you sit in the back of the SUV that’s taking you back to your hotel from a fashion event. baekhyun stares out the back window, stoic, and you can’t help but look at him for a brief moment. he’s a man of few words, never really talking unless he’s spoken to. everybody on your team really respects him and his dedication to keeping you safe. if anything happened to you, nobody would even look at you, they’d question him immediately and he’d be fired in seconds.

sighing, you pull your feet out of the heels you’re wearing and wiggle your toes. baekhyun glances over at you, but goes back to gazing out of the window once he sees that you’re fine. you know as much about him as he’s let you; he’s 31, lives alone, and likes dogs. he's kept it pretty surface level with you, and it makes sense because his job is to protect you, not to be your friend.

but sometimes, you wish he'd let you in more, would talk to you more. like now; but he's too busy brooding in his seat to talk. you let out a little breath and look out your own window. you spot a fast food restaurant and smile. "excuse me? could you pull over there?" you ask your driver, leaning over the middle console. he nods and you sit back in your chair.

"where do you want to go?" baekhyun asks, looking over at you. he always has a hard stare in his eyes, ever since he was hired seven years ago. they're always daring somebody to mess with him, to mess with you. his eyes bore into yours and you give him a small smile and tell him. baekhyun grunts as if to say 'ok', and turns back to the window.

like mentioned, he's not a man of many words.

over the course of these seven years, you've grown fond of him, grateful for him for caring about you more than you feel like he should. he cares about you—for you—in a way you don't think anybody else has. he'd put his life on the line for yours. and maybe it could be called a crush. maybe.

the driver pulls the car into the fast food lot, and you ask him to pull over and let you out. “what are you doing?” baekhyun asks, looking at you, his eyes narrowed.

“inside?” you say, pointing with your thumb to the restaurant. he shakes his head and you sigh. “it’ll be quick. i swear.” you say.

baekhyun shakes his head and leans forward. “no, y/n. sir, take us through the drive through, please,” he says, and cuts his eyes at you, daring you to tell him otherwise. but you know you ultimately call the shots, and so pop your seatbelt off, daring him to not follow after you, because you know he has to and will.

the driver doesn’t move, just unlocks the door and lets you get out, baekhyun in tow. you gather your dramatically poofy ballgown in your hands so it doesn’t drag on the pavement. you nearly jump when baekhyun gently, but firmly, grabs onto you elbow and leads you inside, blockading you with his body from everybody in the restaurant.

the attention isn’t immediate because of him protecting you, but once you’ve been spotted, it becomes a mini swarm. baekhyun barks orders at people to back away from you and to give you space, and while he does that, you manage to order food for the both of you. you’re not really sure what he likes, so you get the same thing for the both of you, sans drinks.

after you order, the swarm seems to grow, but bakehyun still forces people away. you didn’t think it would be that big of a deal, but like always, you underestimate just how famous you are. sometimes you just truly want to be a normal 26 year old, doing normal 26 year old things, but the lifestyle you live doesn’t warrant that.

when your order is called, the person behind the counter thanks you for coming in and asks for a photo, which you graciously say yes to and pose. one selfie leads to several people shouting your name for one, one person even running around bakehyun and the crowd to get to you.

they grab your arm and shove a camera in your face, a big smile on their lips. you smile and try to pull your arm away, but they only hold on tighter. panic signals go off and you grimace, your eyes looking around for baekhyun who wards off people, his back to you.

all you wanted was food, and to maybe say hello to some fans, but now a surge of anxiety is coursing through your body and your chest feels tight and the lights are too bright and everyone’s voices are too loud. you want to scream, but you know you can’t, and their grip on your arm is too tight and there are too many phones out. you feel like a zoo animal, and all you wanted was fast food.

you hardly register baekhyun appearing before you, his hand on the shoulder of the person who was previously holding onto you, their grip taken away by baekhyun who shoves them away from you. baekhyun grabs onto your waist and pull you out and away from the restaurant, and all but throws you into the car. you don’t even have your food that you ordered, but you don’t even care. you can hear your heartbeat in your ears, and your skin feels like it’s too much for your body.

baekhyun stews in the corner, practically turned all the way around so his back is facing you. he stares out the window, a fist clenched on his leg. he’s pissed; at you and your stubbornness, the swarm, the situation. you weren’t prepared to go in there with just him, you needed st least one more form of security with you.

you make it back to the hotel quicker than you expected, and get out. you thank your driver and then baekhyun leads you into the hotel, a hand on your back.

he leads you to the elevator, where he finally lets go of you and puts a few feet of distance between you guys. you sniffle as you wait for the elevator to arrive, wiping under your eyes. it still feels like there is a weight on your chest.

you step into the elevator when the doors slide open, and lean against the wall. baekhyun presses the floor you’re both staying on, and stands in front of the door with his hands clasped in front of him.

when the doors open on your floor, baekhyun steps out and waits for you to do the same. his hand is back to its place on you, guiding you through the hall to your room. you pull your key out of your clutch and let yourself in. “could you unzip my dress for me, please?” you ask, stepping out of your heels and tossing your clutch on the bed.

baekhyun curtly nods and steps into your room, letting the door close behind him. you turn around and wait for him to grab ahold of the zipper. you hardly feel him behind you, only when the material of the dress doesn’t feel so tight and your back gets cold. you hold the front of your dress so it doesn’t fall, and you thank him before going into the bathroom to change.

you step out of your dress and pull on a bathrobe securing it tightly. you grab a makeup wipe and wash off your face, discarding it in the trash when you’re done.

you leave your dress in a heap on the floor and exit the bathroom, not expecting baekhyun to still be in your room. big he is, awkwardly lingering by the door with his hands in his pockets.

he looks over at you when the bathroom door closes. “are you… are you alright?” he asks, clearing he throat. you shake your head and he rolls his shoulders back. “are you going to be alright? do i need to call jangmi?” he asks. jangmi is your manager, and she definitely cannot know about you minor anxiety attack earlier.

you shake your head again, staring over at baekhyun. he looks down at his shoes and looks back up, like there’s something he wants to say. “i’m gonna head out,” he says at last. he pulls open the door and you stay standing in the middle of the room.

“thanks for… earlier,” you say and he stops to run to face you.

“it’s my job,” he says simply, and you nod. that’s all you are to him; a job, a task. a problem. but to you, he’s a protector, someone you care deeply for because he has to care about you. for you, it happened naturally. for him, you wrote his checks. “goodnight, y/n.” baekhyun says.

“wait,” you cross the threshold to him, holding the door open. he stops and looks down at you, his signature look on his face: stoic, unreadable. “can you stay with me? just for a little bit?” you ask, hating the vulnerability in your voice.

bakehyun surveys you, taking in your mental state and the tone of your voice. this definitely goes beyond the description of his job, providing comfort, rather than safety. but he can’t help the soft spot that he has for you, the one he’s had for you for a long time now.

he nods, once, twice, and then takes a step towards you, making you move out of the way so he can enter.

you let out a breath of relief, and follow him to the small hotel table. he takes one of the chairs, moving it a few feet away while you take the other, bringing your feet up onto the chair.

baekhyun watches you from the other side of the table—not in a creepy way, or like he’s assessing you, but like he’s waiting for you to make the first move, or say something. but you dont. you want company, not necessarily conversation. so you only look back at him.

you revel in how you still feel completely safe with him, when maybe you should be on edge about being in such an intimate space alone together. even his piercing gaze is comforting.

baekhyun stays with you throughout the rest of the night, the two of you moving in mostly silence, even when you order room service. and it’s only when you lay down, and he can confirm that you’re asleep, does he slip out of your room. but not before he leaves a note that says: sleep well. hope you feel better —B.

[sirfrogsworth]

hey man, well done for getting out there with your camera when it must be unspeakably exhausting sometimes. i'm really enjoying all the urban photography! but i'm too shy to say it non-anon! keep it up though!

Thanks!

I've been challenging myself to go on a photography field trip once or twice a month. I realized if I scout a location on Google Maps and do some pre-planning with the street view, I can drive somewhere, set up and take my pictures, and be done within an hour or so.

For my bridge pictures I was looking for a good vantage point and street view had this...

And I knew I could make that work. So on my way to get more eggs I decided to take a detour. I timed it for sunset and headed over there.

Unfortunately there is a really confusing bridge you have to drive over to get there. There was a stoplight, but there was no intersection.

I could not figure out the purpose of this damn stoplight. I was sitting there for nearly 5 minutes and didn't understand why the light wasn't changing. So I thought maybe it was broken or something and just drove ahead.

Then I got to the middle of the bridge and realized my error.

The bridge only had one lane for car traffic. And the light had a sensor that told you if a car was coming from the other direction. And so I was face to face with a car in the same lane.

The area on the right is a bike lane. And there is a huge bump separating the car lane and the bike lane. And unless I wanted to do the world's longest drive in reverse, I had to hop that little curb into the bike lane. As I proceeded forward I could hear it just barely scraping the bottom of my car.

I was very embarrassed.

I'm really hoping I didn't damage anything. But I could tell it was just barely kissing the bottom of my car and only 2 or 3 times so I think it is okay.

But I learned an important lesson.

They don't put out random stoplights for no reason.

In any case, I was able to get my photos and my eggs and be home in about an hour in a half. And that is just about the limit of my energy.

It's actually easier than going to the movies. 3 hours being upright was just too much for me. And I get to spend the next week editing photos and feeling artistically satisfied.

So my photo field trips have been a big help to my mental health and usually only have a day or two of post-exertional malaise. Which is pretty manageable. Going to the movies was usually double that. Which is problematic because I am thinking about going to see Dune 2... which is a 3 hour movie. So 4 hours out and about including driving and whatnot.

I've picked out my next photo field trip already.

This may look like a boring highway, but if I go at night every single one of those cars will leave a long bright light trail that will probably span all the way to the horizon. My only issue is I could really use a companion to go with me. I don't feel safe going by myself. But hopefully I can get that figured out by the time I am ready to go.

I took over 250 photos at the bridge the other night. And I am having trouble choosing which ones are best to share. So I have decided to do some very interesting edits to make them all a bit different. I will be sharing one of those shortly. But I'm a little worried you all are going to get very sick of this bridge.

Thanks for writing in. I hope you have a lovely day.

[fizzing-imagines]

Playtime Pt. 1 | Daycare Teacher! Billy Hargrove x Reader

Notes: This, too, has been living in my head rent-free

Warnings: Alcohol consumtion, pregnancy

Words: 2k

Your best friend and roommate Jenny called in a panic, asking you if you could pick up her 1-year old daughter, your godchild, from her daycare as she started running a fever unexpectedly. She put you down as an emergency contact at her daycare, and she was so caught-up at work that her boss wouldn't let her leave. Of course you agreed, you loved your godchild and treated her as your own. So you got into your car and drove down to said daycare. Once you arrived, you saw the photowall with the employees pictures at the entrance as a new face struck out to you. A handsome, young guy named William Hargrove. You greeted the known faces of the other attendants as you quickly made your way into her toddler room.

"Hi, I'm here to pick up Ari.", you said to the new employee, William, as you entered. "Are you her godmother?", he asked you. "I'll have to ID you because I've never been here for you to pick her up." You gave him an understanding nodd before fishing your wallet out of your bag. Once found, you showed him your ID to which he turned around and got Ari from the book corner. Her face was flushed red and her eyes were watery. "(Y/N).", she mumbled as she reached out her arms to get to you. Happily, you carried her on your arms to make her feel better. "Can I ask you a question?", you asked William in a worried tone. "Sure, any time.", he said with a smile. "I've never took care of a sick toddler, and her mum works for three more hours. What do I do now?" You were at a loss, Jenny always knew what to do. This was a first, for both you and Ari. "Well, I don't have any kids of my own so I can't really recommend anything. Other parents here use Calpol though." You nodded your head while mumbling "Calpol, okay." to help yourself remember. "And cold compresses on the legs and neck if her fever gets higher." You nodded once again. "But it's best if you try and go to the doctor with her, they can tell you much more than I can." He smiled at you as you nodded for the third time. "Thank you so much, and thank you for looking after her.", you said while smiling back at him. "It's not a big deal. Just remember that we have a 48-hour rule of being free of symptoms until she can return to daycare." You were happy that he told you, because you wouldn't have known any of that. "Thank you very much, William.", you said with a smile. "Just call me Billy."

Ari stayed home with you for the entire week as you were on a two-week holiday for your mental health. It helped you a lot, actually, as you had a hard time getting up and doing anything for yourself. So taking care of a tiny human, feeding her, putting her to bed, bathing her, it helped you with doing something good for yourself. So good that, when Jenny was home for the weekend, you decided to go out partying with two friends from high school on a Sunday night. You picked out a beautiful dress, did your makeup, styled your hair and you haven't felt this good about yourself in weeks. After months of low confidence, it shot through the roof just like that.

The club was loud and smelly. People were chatting, dancing, making out in some corner and most of all, drinking alcohol like it was water. Your friends made it their goal for the night as well and made a bee-line to the bar with you. They ordered three shots of tequila, followed by a mojito and a vodka-soda. As you felt the alcohol kicking in, you felt like dancing and made them go on the dance floor with you. You gave it your all, dancing with anyone who was willing to get close to you. And you had such a fun time, being carefree and wild for just one night until you bumped into someone you knew while looking for your next dance partner. "Billy?", you yelled over the loud music. He looked at you, trying to match your face with someone you knew, and he remembered eventually. "(Y/N)!", he said with a grin. "Nice seeing you here!" Billy was clearly intoxicated, and completely different than from who you saw at the daycare. Well, teachers have a private life so you shouldn't be too surprised. But you did end up being surprised when he put an arm around your shoulder and led you to the bar. "Let me buy you a drink, pretty thing.", he said with a flirtatious smirk. You blushed at his words, wondering how one 10-minute impression could get him to talk like that. "S-sure.", you replied, a bit flustered. Billy bought you a Rum-Cola with another shot of Tequila. Your already-buzzed brain did the math and concluded that you'd be piss-drunk in about an hour. "You know, you have to look each other in the eyes when you toast.", he said to you while taking the shot in his hands. "Why?", you asked him. "Because if you don't, you'll have bad sex for the next 7 years." His statement surprised you so much that you couldn't even look away from his eyes, so he took his opportunity to toast with a wink. Oh, so that's the road he chose?

Did you end up back at his apartment? Absolutely. Both of you got drunk as shit and slept together. But you did leave his place when you woke up at 2am and realized what you've done. One check on your Nokia 3110 showed you that you've abandoned your friends at the club with no warning; you had 7 missed calls from them and 3 missed calls from Jenny. "Shit.", you mumbled under your breath as you wriggled out of Billy's arms that were wrapped around your waist. Quickly, you got dressed, called a Taxi and drove back to your apartment. Once you entered, you saw dim light in the living room and stumbled inside, still slightly intoxicated, to find Jenny on the couch. She was trying to keep herself occupied, but you could see her nervousness because she chewed on the nail of her index finger. "Jenny.", you whispered while clumsily taking your shoes off. "Jesus Christ (Y/N)", she whispered back while getting up from the couch. "You've had me worried sick, where were you?". Oh shit. Now you'll have to tell her. "I was...uhm...at a guys house.", you stuttered, still whispering. "Seriously? What, isn't that good? When have you last done that?" She had a wide smile on her face, the initial anxiety and anger washed away in an instant. "Not really.", you whispered in an anxious tone. "It was...it was William, Ari's teacher." Jennys eyes went wide in shock. "He was at the club, and we got drunk so..." She didn't say anything for a while. "Well, you sleep it off and we'll talk about it tomorrow, yeah?" That wasn't really what you were looking fir as an answer. "I'm not angry. I'm just surprised." Now that actually calmed you, but you understood that she needed to cope with what you told her just now.The two of you went to bed, and you didn't wake up until 1pm. The apartment was empty by then, and as soon as you woke up you had to make a bee-line to the bathroom to throw up. Your guts hurt like a bitch, your throat burnined and your head was pounding. Jenny, being the sweet soul that she is, already put out ibuprofen and a glass of water on the small table you had in the bathroom. You were so lucky to have her. In hopes of relief, you took the ibuprofen and went back to bed. Your phone woke you up two hours later with Jenny calling. "What's up?", you grumbled into the speaker. "Good morning.", she said in a cheerful voice. "I have to work overtime today, can you pick up Ari?" A cold shiver ran down your spine. "With Billy there? I doubt it.", you replied in a hoarse voice. Why did your throat hurt so bad? There must have been more than just throwing up...oh. "He went partying yesterday, I doubt he'll wanna work while hungover. He wasn't in this morning, so he most likely has a day off." Jenny was right, and you knew it. "Fine, I'll be the lesbian adoptive mom.", you replied while getting out of bed. "Thank you honey, love you.", Jenny said before handing up. Slowly, you got dressed, put on sunglasses and started driving to Aris daycare. Your brain fully convinced you that Billy wouldn't be there, because who in the world would be such a jackass, so you took it easy as you walked in. Well, both you and Jenny were horribly wrong. Ari was standing behind Billy, who sat on a tiny chair, while putting bows and clips in his mullet. Both were all alone in the room, all kids being picked uo already and the other two teachers outside cleaning up. Did Billy look pleased? Not really, but he didn't look hungover either. Your goddaughter saw you as soon as you closed the door behind. "(Y/N)!", she cheered as she took you by the hand to lead you to Billy. "Pwetty.", she added with a proud smile. "Oh yes, Ari, you made Billy really pretty.", you agreed and undermined your statement with a nod. She then pointed at you with a questioning look. "You can do my hair at home, yeah?" She smiled and nodded in agreement before you picked her up and carried her back to the door. "Can you say bye bye?", you asked Ari. She waved her tiny hand at Billy with a grin on her face. "See you tomorrow, Ari.", Billy said with a wave back.

Weeks passed, you haven't picked up Ari in since the first incident. Once you told Jenny, she started asking Aris godfather to do pickups. Her baby daddy was a no-good leech, and her parents didn't support her so it was just you, Jenny and the godfather. And you thought that it was ideal, but that ideal was broken by a tiny plastic stick with two blue lines on it. "Fuck...", you mumbled. It was all you could say. Jenny was at home, taking a quick shower before wanting to pick up Ari from daycare. "What does it say?", she asked you while peaking out of the shower. "I'm pregnant...", you mumbled. It felt so real now that you've said it. "And you're sure it's Billy's?", she continued. "I haven't had sex with anyone else in the past six months.", you told her while pulling your legs into a criss-cross position. The two of you were having a deja-vu, as this was the exact same way Jenny found out she was gonna have Ari. Just with a different father. "So, I'll give him your number when I pick up Ari and we'll go from there. At least he has a stable job.", Jenny said while washing out her conditioner. "You're way too calm, Jen.", you said. "I just told you I'm pregnant, you're taking this easy." You could hear her chuckle. "Well, if he's a dick as well we'll just be a four-people household."

But Billy did call you and asked to talk with you face-to-face. While Jenny didn't tell him what exactly happened, she did tell him that it was important. Billy already had his suspicions at those words, but he didn't know how to feel about them. His mind was reeling as he drove over to your place to pick you up, and you were waiting on the sidewalk with the test in hand. He parked at the nearest parking spot and waited for you to enter. Once you sat down next to him, you silently handed him the test. "Well, fuck.", he mumbled as he looked at the two blue lines.

"Yeah, that's kinda how that happened."

[chimivx]

TASTE. -> 'Haven' from the POV of Hyunjin. (Part Five of Six)

summary: Three days isn't long enough to outrun the past. It's even harder when it shows up at your door.

word count: 9.4k

warnings: 18+, infidelity themes all throughout, toxic friendships/relationships, sexual content, alcohol abuse, struggles with mental health themes, cursing, physical violence between male friends, if I missed anything PLEASE LET ME KNOW!

a/n: It was hard reliving this.. Especially this side of it. Almost to the end... <3

The knock at the door pulled me back.

Heart twisting in my chest, lungs tightening beyond belief, I snapped my attention to my bedroom door, opened just a crack, and tried to take a breath. Though doom consumed me my head was a shit ton clearer and my legs were trembling ever so slightly. A regretful euphoria coursed through my veins skyrocketing all of the progress I’ve made in the last three weeks backward. 

Here we were again.

A million thoughts coursed through my mind, my brain trying to sort them all in these seconds of silence that followed the hollow sound that echoed down the hall. Felix was at my door, and Jade was in my bed. Felix was at my door, and Jade was naked in my bed. Felix had no idea she was stopping by, shit I had no idea she was stopping by, and after ending up where we’ve ended up I had completely forgotten that Felix was coming over.

It was pure idiocy for me to forget, we’ve only spent the last three days together. Once I left his house that afternoon after our night together, having eaten breakfast we’d made together, bumping elbows with one another as we tried to wash up together… We’ve spent nearly every waking hour with each other, ending each night with a phone call before we slept in our separate beds. It’s been three days, but we’re holding true to our agreement.

Sure we weren’t together for numerous reasons, one of those reasons staring me in the face at the moment, but our time together was special, it was building something, like trust and genuinity. Something I never thought I’d actively be trying to pursue in a relationship. Something I think I’ve already broken before even obtaining it.

Why did she have to show up at my door?

Why wouldn’t she call?

She should’ve fucking called.

Why would she dress herself in his clothes if she was only going to drag a finger up my bare arm, step closer to me with a hand on the doorknob, and flutter her lashes with a pout on her lips?

Her hand slipped around my neck and pushed my head down closer to hers. Our noses brushed, and though she smelled entirely like Minho, the way she whispered, “I miss you,”, and pressed a slow kiss to my cheek pulled me straight under. Within minutes she had me stripped to nothing, pinning me to the sheets before I flipped her over and took control. If she missed me, I was going to make her miss me.

It was wrong, every single part of it. I knew it and I didn’t stop. A small piece of my heart was latched to her touch, to her energy, to her own heart. That’s why she came back. She may think she had the upper hand, but for her to admit she still loved me three days ago after fucking the man she denied for ages… Seeing her face after opening the door following the quietest knock, I shouldn’t be so shocked.

Besides, I know way more about her life with Minho than I should for someone who’s supposed to be moving on. Changbin still lived the life of playing double agent, though Felix told him to stop. Something about it gave me a weird feeling, too. Moving on was supposed to be easy. It shouldn’t have to involve all the sneaky shit.

But, that’s all I seemed to know.

Changbin, after the two of us shared drinks at Haven two nights ago with a Felix beside me messing with my ripped jeans, informed me of all of the doings between Jade and Minho. Playing double agent meant he got to hear all about it when mere hours after hooking up with Jade, Minho aired out his dirty laundry to his friends. Jade’s, too.

It’s a funny feeling, hearing about someone you used to have in the same scenario, same compromised position, that you may have been getting it all wrong. That they’d never brought up something they didn’t like that you’d done, or something they liked and wanted you to do… Or, that you never bothered to ask them if they liked it or not.

The first time I think I’d ever asked a question was either degradingly a half hour into backshots, or the morning after with Felix, where honesty seemed to catch my tongue and stick there. 

How was that side of me able to come around him, yet with Jade it was all lies and tricks?

Minho’s a whiner, apparently. And, apparently, that was something she enjoyed. A shit ton. So, I used it against her. Though, I wondered if it was a part of me trying to protect her, as disgusting as that sounds. Never in my life did I walk around blaring Jade and I’s sex life out like it was something for everyone to enjoy. That was to be kept within the walls, private, for us. Minho isn’t a good guy, he’s sleazy, and just plain mean. She deserves better.

Better sure as hell was not me.

And I know for sure it’s not Minho.

Jade looked up at me now, naked aside from the lacey fabric around her hips she swore she didn’t put on for me. Not that she had to dress up for me, I used to be ready for her even if she was fresh home from the gym. Go figure, she liked me grimey after work, and I liked her sweaty mess. She didn’t know Felix was at the door.

The right thing to do would be to answer the door and tell Felix to come back, after things were sorted out here. I really, really, really didn’t want him to see Jade here, didn’t want him to know what had happened, that we had sex twice, but I believe this was pure karma at work. I was terrified to lose him, and here I was, succumbing to temptation in a situation where I had all of the potential to lose him. Forever.

“It’s open!” Flew from my lips before I had the chance to think about anything else. Fear took the driver's seat behind my eyes today.

With no time to see how it made Jade feel, I bustled down the hall and caught the door in my hand as it swung open. Curious brown eyes peered around the wood, up at me, then around the apartment, like he was looking for something.

“Jade’s here,” I whispered, my brain on auto-pilot.

Felix glanced up at me, his gaze taking in my disheveled appearance, then around the kitchen cabinets as I shut the door. “I saw her car.” He started to frown watching in real time as guilt bubbled over onto my face.

“I’m sorry,” I breathed. My bottom lip quivered. “I didn’t know what to do. She came onto me, and I-”

His fingers brushed my cheek, his touch soothing me quicker than anticipated. “Sh, sh, stop. She’ll hear you.” Quiet as ever, his lips perked up into the tiniest smile as he said, “Act happy.”

“How?” I sighed.

“Laugh.”

“What?”

Felix’s grin grew, his cheeks bunching up his eyes. “Laugh. Ha! Haha!”

An actual laugh tumbled from me at the sudden sound, taking me by surprise. Lacing his hand in mine he pulled me to the couch in the space around the back of the kitchen, making himself comfortable on the cushions, tugging me close to him. Not close enough to be considered flirty, but enough to be friendly.

“Is she going to leave?” Felix asked quietly through a smile, still pretending to laugh a bit. He tucked his knees beneath him on the sofa, grabbing onto one of my arms.

Shrugging, I said, “I dunno, I think? I ran out of there.”

“Hyunjin!” The sneer was blocked by his perfect teeth, but it still stabbed me in the heart regardless.

“I didn’t know what to do.” We spoke like two teenagers harboring a secret.

With a tilt of his head, he said, “I called her the other day.”

Glancing over my shoulder toward the hall at a scuffle heard over the floor, in case she was coming by, I whipped my neck back around and my eyes bugged out of my head. “What the fuck? Why?”

He withheld a breath. “Because of what I said. We need to talk this out.”

Entirely too calm for my liking at this very moment, Felix looked through me, his eyes lighting up with a smile. 

“Hi,” he said, with a raise of his brow.

Jade, standing in her leggings and blue hoodie that belonged to Minho, stared back at him, quiet for a few seconds before she bobbed her head and glanced to the floor. “Hey.”

The tension could be cut with a fucking knife.

Fear took the wheel again, the sparks in my brain going off, shooting through my chest. I couldn’t control it. I don’t know why, in her presence, I have to be a dick.

“See you later.” It came out of me too harshly. After what we had just been doing, what I had just done to her, what she made me do. The deep breath Felix took wasn’t audible, but I could see it. He spoke through his small smile.

“You’re coming to Haven?” he asked.

Right, that was the plan. Haven. I needed her to leave. I needed my brain back where it belonged.

Clearing her throat, Jade toyed with her fingers and shrugged her shoulders. “I dont… I don’t know.” 

“We haven’t seen you in forever,” Felix said, twisting on the couch to face her, dropping his feet to the floor, letting me go entirely. Fear in the driver's seat swapped with nausea for the wheel. The room was getting hot, I could feel the way my white t-shirt clung to my skin. And what the hell was that sound coming from outside? Did my apartment always sound like this? The air conditioning was on, maybe it was that. But, if the air was on, why was it so fucking hot? Am I supposed to feel my heart beating in my chest? Jesus, my palms are sweating, thank God Felix let go of me. I don’t think I can feel my feet…

Jade moved to the door, pulling me out of complete turmoil. Gripping her suitcase like she had been seconds before jumping my bones, she’d shoved a hand in the pocket of her, Minho’s, hoodie.

“Oh,” I said suddenly, gathering the attention of the room. A smirk found my lips. “Make sure everything makes it home safely. Don’t need anything… slipping out.”

Groaning, she hurried around and barreled through the door, but not before Felix added, “Is her bag broken?”

She left us with a slam of the wood.

My eyes were glued to the door, the terror consuming me.

“What the fuck, Hyunjin?” Felix’s voice was just above a whisper. His gaze fell over me and I didn’t have the guts to look back. My heart was lodged in my throat, my hands trembled, and I didn’t want him to help me.

He’s seen me cry far too many times for us to have only been involved for so long. He’s helped me through too much, and this was how I repaid him. I told him I didn’t want to hurt him, I told him I didn’t want him to turn into one of them. And, I’ve done it.

I won with Jade, but I lost right here.

There’d be no coming back from this.

“We aren’t dating,” Felix said quietly, his hand sliding around my back, drawing circles where it curved, me having hunched over on to my lap trying to control my breath. Tears were falling, I was breathing rapidly, and I had no idea it was even happening.

Sitting straight up I turned to him, pushing my hair from my face, tucking it behind my ears. Felix tucked his hands over his lap and gave me an unreadable look, one that messed with every feeling coursing through my body.

“What’d you say?” I gasped, running my fingers through my hair once more after wiping my cheeks clear.

He gave me that tilt of his head. “We aren’t dating,” he repeated.

“What are you talking about?”

Reaching over toward me, he tucked a stray hair behind my ear and drug a finger along my jaw before his smile made a short appearance. “We’re not together, Hyunjin. We’ve discussed this. Take some breaths, you’re okay.” Rolling my head backward, blinking out fresh tears, I nearly toppled over, my head was so light. Felix caught me by the shoulder and moved me closer. “Calm down, I’m right here.” 

I shouldn’t have buried my face in his neck, but I did. He let me. Holding me for a moment, letting me be, the steady tracing of his fingers over my shoulder blades soothed me enough to choke out some words.

“I want to be done. With it all.”

Felix’s fingers stopped their tracing. He hesitated a second, then said, “Please say more words, please tell me that thought doesn’t end there.”

Sitting back, regaining my balance, I wiped my cheeks and nodded. His big brown eyes took me in, I could only begin to imagine what I looked like. “I’m over it. Jade, and them. I want it to be done. I hate what I did. She just showed up here, she wanted more of her stuff, so I let her in.” A breath shot through me. Felix’s hand ended up on one of my knees. “I’m not blaming her entirely ‘cause I could have stopped her, I just…” Putting my hands over my chest I clawed at my shirt. “It makes me feel… like this. All of it. Jade, Haven, Minho… Han.”

Felix nodded, his hand giving me a squeeze. “Thank you for telling me. I know this probably brought up a lot of awful feelings you thought you were finally able to move forward from.” He giggled at the way I glared at him. “I’m serious. Yes, I may be therapisting you right now to avoid how all of this makes me feel, but I’m speaking the truth.”

I hurt him. Whether he was mine or not, whether I was his, whether what we shared was going to end up a one time thing… I hurt him. It wasn’t intentional, but saying that wouldn’t fix anything. None of it mattered, how it went down, who came onto who… I hurt him.

This was the second time I’ve ever felt this way.

Guilty. Responsible. Like I could’ve done more, I should’ve done more.

I could’ve stopped it from happening. Instead, here I sit watching someone I love suffer.

Granted, I’m an adult now. The first time this type of feeling suffocated me, I was a child. God, if she was here now I don’t even want to know what she’d think of me, who I’ve become, what I’ve done. This wasn’t what she wanted for me. It was in front of me now, what she wanted for me. Someone to care for, someone to care for me. Someone to love.

“Get out of your head,” Felix whispered, taking a finger beneath my chin, lifting it up so I’d look him in the eyes. “I see it going, get out of there.” The crinkle of my bottom lip made him pout.

“I’m sorry.”

And we were back to counting apologies.

Felix merely nodded, taking his hand back. “I’ll be honest with you.” He waited for me to acknowledge what he said before moving on. “This is why we’re not in a relationship.” A knife to the gut. He was fully aware. He had been if he’d liked me for this long. And yet here he was, sitting in front of me… Putting up with it.

I would not go backward.

“You should go,” I whispered, my tone not the slightest bit harsh.

No one moved for a few seconds, until he glanced away and released a soft breath. “You’re not okay, how am I supposed to do that?”

When he met my gaze once more I let the tears fall. “You’re too… God, Felix.”

“Too, what?” he questioned, voice soft.

Too good. So incredibly kind hearted, and gentle, and understanding, and forgiving. So beautiful, and even more so after waking up in the sunlight. A heart of gold, sitting next to… A dark depressive cloud spreading over everything.

“Perfect,” I whispered. Felix narrowed his eyes, looking down at his hands. “Clearly my life is meant to be this way. Thought it wouldn’t happen to you, and it did. Why do I deserve you sitting here with me after this?”

“Because I-”

Whipping his head toward me, he cut himself clean off. The gears spun behind his eyes as his gaze flickered between mine, then he pushed himself to the edge of the couch.

“I should go,” he said.

My heart skipped a beat, my blood running somewhat cold. He stood to his feet, and I felt my face drain of all color. He was serious. Giving me the sweetest look of sorrow, taking in how I gaped toward him, he took himself to the door. My body decided to follow, lingering a few feet behind him.

“I just,” he turned to me one last time, and gulped, “I’m going to need time, I think. We need some space. I need some space. We’ve got to… think this through. Both of us.”

“Okay.” It was all I could force through my lips. Felix reached out a hand and held onto my arm for a moment before he smiled, and then he left, the door shutting gently behind him.

Fuck.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Throat tightening, legs turning to jello, I was frozen. Paralyzed. 

What the fuck did I do?

He left. Felix left, he was gone. A piece of me was praying he’d stay, that he wouldn’t leave me here. Alone. It’s not like Jade was coming home, coming back after what had happened. She normally would, even if we fought and said things we half meant, she’d be back, and I wouldn't be alone, and everything would be somewhat okay. Then, when shit got messed up with her, I had Felix. I could turn to Felix, lean on him for support.

I couldn’t deal with it myself. I couldn’t be alone. I hated being alone. Despised it. It’s how I spent the majority of my life until I fell in with Changbin.

Changbin.

Stumbling backward into the kitchen, I plastered myself to the counter by the phone and ripped it off the wall. Punching in his number I twisted around to rest my full body weight against the edge, the curly cord wrapping around my torso.

It rang once.

Pick up.

It rang twice.

Pick up.

It rang three times.

Please, please pick u-

“Hey, man,” Changbin said, half surprised. The sound I let out made him laugh. “Are you okay?”

“No,” I blurted out, attempting to slow my breaths. He caught on quick.

“You got me, I’m right here,” he said. “I’m not doing anything, talk to me. Make sure you’re breathing into your stomach, bro, you can’t handle that shallow shit.”

“I know,” I gasped. “I know, I know.”

“Is Felix there? He told me yesterday you guys had plans.” 

“He… just left.”

Changbin, quiet for a second, hummed, then said, “What’s going on?”

The floodgates opened up. 

I told him everything. From the night I spent at Felix’s, up until right now.

“You don’t like to take anything slow, do you?” His joke got me to laugh, something small.

“With him I do,” I admitted, partially to myself. “Even if he’s already become the best sex I’ve ever had.”

“He was right for saying you guys shouldn’t do anything else,” Changbin said. “At least until you’re both in a place where you can… Just be each other's. You know?”

“He’s so good, Changbin,” I said quietly. “A person, I mean, not in… You know what I mean.”

He laughed, making me smile. “If you need to talk about your sex life with someone safe, I’m your guy, Hyune.” 

“Thanks.”

“And for the record, I won’t go spreading your business around the world,” he said, placing a nonexistent reassuring hand on my shoulder. “I’m your friend. I was your friend first. Your best friend. And, even though I was a little… shocked at this Felix thing, I hope you know you can tell me anything.”

“Yeah, sorry,” I mumbled, tangling my finger in the phonecord. “He came out of nowhere. I don’t even think I knew I was… I liked… Until, I like, looked at him.”

He was quiet, thinking about what I had said. It felt good to talk to him, to have this conversation with him, like we were back in his bedroom, up into the early hours of the morning talking about every single little thing. 

“Yeah, I dunno, man,” he chuckled after a few moments. “You always had eyes for other guys, remember Choi San? College? Our freshman year?”

Blowing air through my nose, I groaned. “Oh god, I hated that guy, what are you talking about? Remember how he dressed? Every girl loved him.”

“Every girl loved you too, bro.”

“Yeah, but he was cocky as fuck. He thought he was hot shit ‘cause he was fucking a twenty one year old.” Changbin nearly snorted.

“Wasn’t hot shit when he got her pregnant,” he laughed.

I laughed with him, shaking my head. “Didn’t he marry her for a year before she left him? You really thought I liked him?”

This time he did snort. “You did like him!”

“I wanted to kick his ass,” I deadpanned.

“Is that what it’s called?” Changbin teased.

“Shut up, Bin!”

His laughter was contagious, thankfully. “On a serious note, though,” he said, calming himself down, “You like Felix, and it isn’t purely centered around sex. I think this is new for you.”

Every relationship, or situation I found myself in, I suppose it was centered around what happened in the bedroom. I’d only ever romantically been with a woman, but other than what we’d share between the sheets, I can’t remember a time where outside the bedroom we’d been able to click.

Until Jade. She’d been a best friend. But, even then, I wasn’t able to fully give myself to her.

“What’s that mean?” I asked so quietly I wasn’t sure he’d be able to hear me.

I wasn’t afraid of the word. I was able to say it. It was just new. It wasn’t a regular thought, or something I struggled with, like Felix. He had it hard growing up, it was a battle for him. If I liked him, if I liked what we had done, and I was attracted to him, did that mean I was… gay? But, if I enjoyed the things I did with women… Was there something in between?

“Think it means you found your person,” he said. My stomach flipped. “He’s liked you for a long time, Hyune. He’s an excellent secret keeper. And, so am I.”

“He’s told you before?” I sighed, twisting my brows. 

Changbins little laugh did nothing to ease the nausea that built in my gut. “Yeah, since he met you.” So, he was telling the truth. This whole time. Not that he gave me any reason not to believe him. “The first night he came with me to Haven, the whole drive back to his house was, ‘The boy with the long hair’, ‘Him and the girl, are they dating?’, ‘Is it stupid for me to like him?’”

The horrible Australian accent crippled me. “He said all that?”

“Pretty sure.” I could hear Changbin’s shrug. “He talks a lot, I usually can’t get him to shut up. Are you there with him yet?”

A piece of my heart cracked. “I want to be. I think I almost was. He’s… full of surprises. Learn something new about him everyday.”

“Did you hear about the dude who lives outside of Delo?”

A singular laugh flew out of my chest as I lurched forward and smacked my thigh. “Yes! What the fuck!? You know about him? He wouldn’t give me details!”

“It was Han’s dad, Hyunjin.”

I only wished he was here in person to see my jaw hit the floor. I wanted to laugh, I wanted to laugh so loud.

“Jisung has no idea,” Changbin continued. “So, it's hilarious for him to keep using that word.”

“His dad isn’t married?”

“Oh, no, he’s married.”

I scoffed, rolling my eyes. “Felix is what… Twenty-two? How old was he when he…”

“Think that’s for you two to talk about, I’ve said enough.”

“Well, if he looks anything like his son, I get it.” My words caught up to me, but Changbin clocked them first.

“Dude.” I could hear his smile. “Maybe you are gay.”

Sharing a laugh and a few profanities thrown back and forth like we were eighteen all over again, when we calmed ourselves, I surprised myself again.

“I think I… I could really, like, love him, yanno?”

“I hear you,” Changbin assured me.

“I know it’s only been a few weeks, but…”

“Think it’s the years finally catching up to you.”

Bingo.

“Damn, Bin,” I breathed, twirling around to face the counter, the cord wrapping around me for the third time.

“Whether you're gay, or something else, I don’t know if there’s anything else you can be… Something is telling me this is, like, truth coming out. Your truth. And, listen, after everything you’ve been through, you deserve this good thing that wants you just as bad.”

Swallowing hard, I took a breath and said, “Then, I need you to help me.”

“‘Course,” he answered.

“Can you… Would you be able to find me a… therapist, or something.”

Sighing theatrically, Changbin shouted a praise to God. “Has hell frozen over!?”

I couldn’t help but laugh. “I hope so.”

“You have my word,” he said. “I’ll find you someone, I promise.”

“Thanks, Bin.”

“Anytime, Hyune.” His line went quiet for a few seconds. “Just so you know, in case he hasn’t told you… Felix hates it at Haven. He came with me for the first time because I invited him out, and he had the worst time. The only thing that mattered to him was you. That’s why he still comes, because you’re there. It’s not my place to say it, but…. I think he loves you, too.”

Felix used to fuck his dad.

Staring at him dead in the face while he spoke, his tan skin aglow underneath the neon lights on the wall, a fact I needed to shove deep down now that I was aware it was attraction, all I could think about was how he had no idea that his father, the very one he bragged about, used to get down with scrawny little Felix. 

My scrawny little Felix.

I also had no idea how I was able to sit here with him, any of them, besides Changbin who took to my side the second I stepped in the door. After what had happened this morning, I had no intention of telling anyone else, but he knew I was going to need him. Thankfully Jeongin and Seungmin were here, sitting with Han and Chan, when Changbin and I approached the wooden slab full of empty cups.

It’d been a while since I’d last seen either boy a year younger than myself, it’d be refreshing to hear someone other than Han speak for a change. However, an hour into the night now, no one had been able to get a word in. That is until Changbin caught him at the tailend of a story about work.

“Hey, Han,” he cocked his chin curiously. “How’s your dad?”

Sipping the glass of whiskey Dina had brought me, I nearly choked on it.

“Admirable, as always,” Jisung winked, ignoring me entirely. “Why do you ask?”

Changbin shrugged. “Haven’t heard about him in a while, he must be working hard.”

Han smirked, nudging Seungmins shoulder. The poor boy was going to have to suffer through story after story now that Jisung had fresh ears. “He’s always worked hard. None of you would know what it feels like to do those grueling days and nights like he pulls.”

Seungmin sipped his drink and shot him a look. “I would.” Chan put a reassuring hand to his shoulder between sips of his drink, the muscled up Aussie keeping his thoughts to himself tonight it seemed.

The dark haired boy was a night shift nurse at a hospital a few minutes into Delo. The primary reason he hasn’t been out and about with us. Once Seungmin finished up with school he was thrown right into the mess and hadn’t been able to sleep properly since.

Han waved his hand and nudged him again. “You know what I meant.”

“Do I?” Seungmin smirked, glancing my way. Popping my brows I let him know he wasn’t going to get a clear answer out of him. “Nothings changed, I guess.” Jeongin and Changbin shared a quiet snicker.

“Actually,” Han sat forward, side eyeing me before he faced Seungmin. “Plenty has changed.”

“Jisung,” Chan muttered, his lips hovering over his empty cup. He sat scrunched over the edge of the table, his body language telling me too much. He didn’t want to be here either.

Groaning, I knocked back what was left in my glass, my only glass, and pushed my chair back, hoping to catch Dina at the bar to give her an update of what’s happened. Surely she’d have some advice, and even if she didn’t, I think I needed a decent backhanding to reset whatever the fuck was wrong with me.

“You good?” Changbin called after me. Turning, finding Jeongin watching me as well with equally worried eyes, I raised my glass for confirmation and kept walking.

Weaving through the crowd, I thought about what Changbin had said over the phone, how Felix hated coming here. Tonight it was easy to see why. This wasn’t his kind of scene. Without a couple of drinks in me, I wasn’t sure it was my scene either. Not anymore.

“Hyunjin,” Dina’s voice pulled me onto a stool, my glass in her hand before I realized she’d taken it. “Having another?” I studied the bar, the wood aged and cracked. Looking up at her, her expression wound seriously when she saw my own. “I don’t know.”

“Whaddaya mean?” she raised a brow. “What goes on? Felix here tonight?” Breaking my eyes away from her, it told her all she needed to know. “Oh, man, what happened?” She got rid of my glass and leaned forward on the bar, her chin finding sanctuary over her fists. “I was rooting for you guys.”

“Thanks,” I mumbled. “Me too, but I messed it up. As usual.”

Dina frowned. “You’re always so hard on yourself, Hyunjin. I’m sure it isn’t that bad, you-”

“I had sex with Jade,” I said, staring hard at the bar.

“Oh… Oh, that’s-”

“Today,” I kept going. “This morning, she showed up to get her stuff, and then he came by when she was still there and then-”

She cut me off by grabbing onto a wrist. “Hyunjin, hang on,” she giggled. “If you want to talk about this we can hang out after my shift. I get what you’re saying, and I appreciate you telling me, but you have to be careful. Don’t say too much right now, not when I know all your friends are here.”

Blinking, I gazed up at her and only hung onto two words she said. “You wanna hang out with me?”

Dina smiled, squeezing my wrist tighter. “I do,” she nodded. “We gotta… stick together, people like us. You’re cool, and not some big scary bad guy. If anything you’re a big dorky sap who looks exceptional in black.” My cheeks flushed. “I’m not the only one who thinks so, either.” She nodded her head toward the door. “Though he’s probably thinking about it differently than I am.”

Turning around embarrassingly fast, Felix was lingering by the door, his eyes eating away at my back until I had spun myself to find him. He attempted to look away, to make it seem like he wasn’t staring, but the boy really couldn’t lie. I wanted to smile, but it wouldn’t happen. It seemed he was trying as well, but the muscles wouldn’t work.

I left Dina where she stood, she was busy anyway. Eyes locked on him, I weaved through the crowd to reach him. He wore a white wide necked t-shirt that cut off right above the waist of his baggy jeans. His hair was unruly, like it had been this morning, the waves laying over his neck and his brows. He had one earring in his left ear, and a chain around his tanned neck. 

Knowing what I knew now, how he hated it here, the change of outfit from this morning sparked my blood rushing where it didn’t need to go right now. He looked so good. In fact, I don’t even think it was the way he looked, just knowing he despised being within these walls was enough for me to want to pin him against the wall.

“You came,” I breathed once I reached his side. Looking up at me, bright brown eyes shining, he nodded.

“I… Yeah,” he sighed. “Changbin, he uh…” Voice trailing off, he glanced away for a second, only to smirk and shake his head. “He called me, but he had nothing to do with it. I knew you’d be here.”

The warm air condensed around us, all noise other than his voice funneling out of my attention. “He told me you don’t like it here.”

Felix brought his bottom lip between his teeth and tilted his head side to side, considering the options. “I don’t, but I like you, so…”

Taking him by the arm, I pulled him along with me, paying no mind to anyone else. Ducking through the heaps of people packed inside the bar tonight, I took us into the bathroom, into the stall we were in nights ago. Felix drunk, me sobbing.

Tonight was much, much different.

So much had happened, so much had changed within these three days.

Felix was the one to lock the stall before turning to face me. Dragging my hands through the ends of my hair, the top tied up into a knot, I sucked in a deep breath.

“Hate hiding in a bathroom stall,” he said with a small laugh. “Feel like I’m in high school all over again.” The comment tugged at my heart more so than his presence did.

“God, don’t say that, I think that makes this all worse,” I whispered. Reaching for my hands he halted my anxious raking fingers and put them at my side before pulling his behind his back. I wanted to lace mine with his, but I understood why he wouldn’t let them linger.

“I was just trying to make a joke,” he fluttered his lashes. “But, I half meant it.” He tapped the plastic wall with his finger. Both stalls rattled with an obnoxious noise. “It’s hard to hook up when they sound like that.”

I cracked a laugh once he did. “You’re so funny.”

“It’s the truth,” he shrugged, glancing at the walls before he fixed his gaze on me, and only me, for the remainder of the time we stood here. “Why’d you bring me in here?”

“Why’d you follow me?” I asked, completely avoiding his question.

He didn’t dodge mine, but he certainly didn’t answer it. Bringing his lips between his teeth he shot me a look that told me he wasn’t going to tell me unless I answered him first.

“I talked to Changbin today,” I started slowly, my voice shaking as the confession poured from me. “I asked him about a therapist, about getting me a therapist, or finding one for me.” Felix’s expression didn’t falter. “I want a relationship with you, a genuine, real, relationship. I’m done being scared, I’m done running from things, I’m sick of it. I think I love you, and I’ve never been able to say those words and mean them. I want to call you my boyfriend, and I want to be yours. I want people to know that you’re mine, I want people to know that I’m yours, and only yours. I’ll do anything. I can’t lose you, Lix. I made a mistake, a huge ass mistake, but you have to understand that it was because I’m still hurting about what’s happened, and I don't want to use it as an excuse, but… You said it yourself, this is why we aren’t in a relationship, and I get that. You know I get that, I’m incredibly self aware. I want to better myself, for you. For us. For myself, but for us. I want to be better for you.”

Eyebrows flipped over, I swore tears welled in his big eyes. A smile pulled at his lips, a real one, a happy one. He was silent, staring at me with… I don’t even know what. I didn’t want to get my hopes up. I’d also never poured my heart out so heavily in such a long time. Since I had my heart shattered to pieces in the midst of my college years. One of the reasons it was so hard for me to open up.

He brought it out of me. He was able to get this side of me. And not one bit of it scared me. The only thing that terrified me endlessly was losing him.

Taking a breath, Felix shifted on his feet and I braced myself for the worst. “You really asked Changbin to find you someone over me?” My racing heart seemed to ease. “Yeah…”

He smirked. “Think that hurts the most.”

“Oh, no, I was only-”

“I’m kidding,” he said quickly, taking my hands that shot out toward him in defense. His fingers melted between mine, like I’d wanted them to. Dragging his thumbs over the backs, his gaze softened. “I have someone for you already, I can talk to Changbin. I was waiting for the right time to bring it up to you, but… I think he’d be really good for you.” His smile inspired mine. He added softly, “He does a lot of AA work, too.”

“Thank you,” I whispered.

“Of course,” Felix whispered back, stepping closer to me. Taking one of his hands out of my grip, he slipped it behind my neck and beckoned me closer. “C’mere,” he sighed, before pressing his lips to mine. I’d never submitted faster, feeling utterly desperate. This feeling, one I never wanted to forget.

It was over before I had the chance to savor it.

Felix, poking his tongue out between his lips as he pulled away, brushed his nose against mine and gave me the tiniest smile. Within a breath and whisper he rendered me thoughtless. “I like the way you taste, too.”

He left me when we walked out into Haven together, having spotted Jade at the bar with Minho. Ignoring my heart sinking into my stomach, I let him go. 

When had those two shown up?

Taking myself back to the tables where my friends sat, I took the spot beside Changbin and slumped backward in the chair, unable to keep the small smile off my lips. Everything was alright, everything was going to be alright, and that was enough. The kiss, one he was so eager to give me, it told me plenty. After however long Felix needed, however long I needed, we were going to be okay.

Taking it slow was a foreign concept to me, but when it came to Felix I felt ready to give it to him. Time. I had meant what I said, that he was worth the wait. He would be worth the wait. The idea of meeting with a therapist, someone on the outside of all of this bullshit, even though it terrified me… Something within me told me I was ready. I hoped.

If I wasn’t, I’d do it for Felix. I’d probably do anything for Felix. 

He really was perfect in every way. He felt perfect in every way, and even if he wasn’t, he was to me. His baggage, his shadows, whenever we got the chance to get down it, unpacking them… My heart fluttered. To entrust someone with the deepest parts of themselves, I couldn’t wait to get to it. He’s known mine, everyone has known mine, to some extent. Together Felix and I could shape our world into one where we’ve been the only ones to see the depths. Privacy. A relationship without sixteen hands in its details, stirring the pot.

“What’s got you so smug?” Jeongin asked me, pulling me out of my fantasy filled head. Looking at him past Changbin, who was enthralled by Seungmin’s work horror story, I shrugged my shoulders and let my smile grow.

“Nothing,” I said, and he smirked, his fox-like eyes narrowing.

With a little nod, he took me in, then said, “Happy for you.”

We shared a smile before he focused back in on Seungmin, who even had Han locked in, his eyes open wide. Hopefully he was learning a valuable lesson to never doubt Seungmin’s hard work ever again.

Beneath the table Changbin nudged my knee with one of his, and when I turned to him he was nodding toward the crowd and Felix making his way through it. 

Blood running cold, face going warm, I leapt from my chair and held out a hand in question, one he took without a second thought, squeezing it tight. His brows were furrowed, and worry was swimming within his brown eyes, like it had been the first night we were here alone. 

Minho.

“What’d he do,” I growled behind gritted teeth. 

Felix, looking up at me, shook his head. “He’s just a jerk. Don’t worry about it.”

Reinstating my grip with a squeeze to his hand, I took a deep breath. “What did he do?”

“I was only trying to break the ice, I didn’t want to cause any problems.” Of course not, and he never did. My vision tunneled. My skin burned in anger. Sweet Felix, my sweet Felix. “He said… I fucked this all up,” he gestured around to the guys at the table who paid no mind to us. Except Jeongin. There was a happy curve in his lips as he watched us. “Because I’m… attached to your hip, and if you people are over here, why am I not over there.”

Minho knew nothing.

Did Jade even tell him that she and Felix spoke?

Probably not.

My hands must’ve started shaking, because Felix clasped his other on top of the one he was holding. “Don’t get upset,” he said to me. “It’s not worth it, it’s really okay, it’s not like he said anything…”

“He was rude to you, Lix,” I spat. “He’s always rude to you, he’s always a dick to me. To us. I’m sick of his shit.”

“Let’s just-”

He didn’t have a chance to finish whatever he wanted to tell me. Letting go of his hand I hurried for the bar where I spotted the two of them sitting moments earlier. Minho hovering over Jade, asserting some sort of dominance like I wasn’t on top of her this morning. I bumped into people’s shoulders as I weaved through the crowd, not caring who glared back at me. Tonight wasn’t supposed to include a mission, as Felix would call it, but unfortunately now it did. He was going to stay away from Felix. He got what he wanted, he had his prize. Now, he’d leave mine alone. Us, he’d leave us alone.

“Hey, Min!” I shouted, turning a couple heads that weren’t involved. Approaching the two of them, they turned and I wanted to laugh. Minho had annoyance written on his face, and Jade, fear. This wasn’t about her. I would try my hardest to leave her out of it. It wasn’t me she was afraid of… It was Minho.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” Minho spat. They whispered to one another before he pulled himself away from her, his hands falling from where they laid around her shoulder. “You know damn well you need to walk away.” Unfazed by his bark, I smiled, baring my teeth.

“No, I can’t do that,” I said, rocking backward on my heels. Hands shoved into my pockets, I kept my eyes locked on his. “You disrespected somebody I love.”

Minho grit his teeth. “I could say the same.”

My stomach churned.

So, that’s how he took it.

Letting out a laugh, the only thing that could leave my body as I glanced at Jade cowering behind him, I said, “That was no disrespect, she asked for that.” She didn’t tell him anything. A sickness roiled in my gut. He was under the impression I charmed her, and that’s how she ended up in my bed.

“Liar!” Jade jumped to her feet, the stool wobbling behind her. 

Electricity sparked in my veins. Pressing my nails into my thighs within my pockets, I clenched my jaw and tried to take in a deep breath. This would not happen here. 

Pouting my lips, I subconsciously scolded myself for the jerk about to come out. The character they forced me into. The person they wanted me to be. The asshole in their story.

We were both to blame for this morning.

“Oh, right,” I cleared my throat, “I’m sorry,” I said, shooting a sarcastic look toward her. Pointing my eyes at Minho, I narrowed them and said, “Did you like my gift I left for you?”

That got him.

Taking a step forward with his fists clenched, Jade grabbed onto his arm to keep him from coming any closer. Her tentative glance at me made me laugh aloud, again.

She had him convinced. Scarily enough, I think she had herself convinced.

Scanning their stance, from her hands around Minho’s muscle to the look in her eyes, I dipped my chin down and said, “You gotta be careful who you trust, baby. You wonder why I knew what I knew?” I glared at Minho with all the hope in the world my eyes could stun him, pacify him.

Confusion slapped her across the face as she quickly shook her head as if to ignore the way my words put a crack in her ‘convinced’ world. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“Yeah, what the hell are you talking about?” He took a quick breath, gulping as he did. 

Double agent Changbin.

Minho knew it too. It was all coming to fruition at this moment.

“You’re kidding,” I huffed, finding it all too amusing. “People talk, these people talk. The people over there?” Minho clenched his jaw. “You think because we’re done it means I’m not going to be friends with them anymore?”

“Walk away,” Minho warned. I ignored him entirely, I now spoke directly to Jade, my voice straight laced with venom.

“You think because you fucked up our relationship, it means I’m going to be the one to walk away?” I hated it. All of it. Half of it wasn’t true, but the next bit was, and she knew it. “You make me out to be a villain to all of our friends, do you know what you’ve done to me?”

She shook her head, eyes locked onto mine, she shook her head. Her gaze knew. I could see it.

“Hyunjin, leave,” Minho said louder, trying to scare me off. I couldn’t blame him, I was trying to do the same to him, and for some reason it killed me.

“Shut up, Min,” I whipped my head, my words sharp. “For once in your life, shut up. If you knew how to do that I wouldn’t be so smart, would I?” A sadistic smile found my lips, and it was all too funny, looking down at Jade who’s trust in Minho had been shaken.

“What?” she whispered, looking at him.

“Don’t listen to him, he’s trying to get in your head,” Minho said, looking down at her.

“Not hers,” I said, taking a few steps closer to him. “Yours.”

“I really, really need you to walk away,” he spoke through his teeth.

Laughing, I asked, “Why?” I narrowed my eyes. “Afraid she’ll realize she misses the good dick and will come running back?” I paused and glanced down at Jade. “Oh, wait… She already did.”

I deserved it I suppose.

Minho’s fist driving into my jaw, my teeth. 

It’d been a long time coming.

I also hadn’t fought anyone in a long, long time, so this would be interesting.

A crowd had formed around us, Minho had laid me out in the middle of the floor where people had been dancing. Everything went quiet, I couldn’t hear much aside from the ringing in my ears and his pathetic voice spurring me on.

By the time I got back to my feet I had thrown two shots, but he blocked them both.

Forgot this dude was a dancer. His hand eye coordination would be somewhat better than my own.

He got me again, twice in the gut as he hooked an arm around my neck.

“You think you can fuck me up?” Minho’s voice was poison in my ear. “You gay boy, you think you can fuck me up?”

That word.

Suppose that was how I’d do it.

Sending a fist upward, I heard his teeth clack together when my knuckles met his jaw. Grabbing onto his shoulders I pulled him into a headlock and he attempted to drive a knee into my gut, but I turned in time.

“You worthless piece of shit,” Minho spat, shoving me away by driving an elbow into my side, sending me stumbling backward. The look in his eyes was maddening. I was an angry person, my father was an angry person. I’ve seen the demon come alive in more ways than one. When you grow up with a father like mine, you’re conditioned to be able to pick out the monsters in this world. 

He swung at me and I ducked, then all of a sudden Chan appeared, slinging an arm around Minho’s chest. They shared words, Minho shouted at him, I couldn’t process it.

That look. His eyes. It was terrifying.

I couldn’t breathe.

Minho knocked Chan away with just his hips, and he lunged for me.

Dancing around him, I heaved a breath and threw a fist at him, right into his jaw for the second time, throwing off his next move. His head was thrown backward, sideways.

“Hyunjin!”

Felix’s voice.

Hands met my back, then left. Then, they came back.

Whenever I wasn’t engaged with the beast in front of me, Felix’s hands were holding onto me.

Minho was still going. 

He was still sizing me up, on attack. He watched me. He eyed me down. Wasn’t going to let him hurt me anymore. Was going to show him I could fight back. I was stronger than I was at twelve. 

“Stop.” Felix’s voice got through to me again. “You don’t have to do this, Hyunjin, stop!”

Blinking, I glanced to my right, and he was there, distraught. He was upset.

I couldn’t keep my eyes off him for too long, he’d strike while I wasn’t paying attention, and God knew how easy it was for me to not pay attention. He’s only told me again and again.

Minho came toward me, his knee finally meeting my gut, and before I could think, I had my hand across his face, and another fist in his teeth. Both of his hands grabbed onto my neck and paralyzed me in place. Squeezing me with utmost force, I gasped, my chin tipping up further as he held me tighter. It was as if he was trying to lift me off the ground.

Shouting.

There was shouting.

Screams, too, like high pitched screams, but they didn’t last for too long.

Everything was gone when I opened my eyes.

On my back in the middle of Haven, surrounded by peoples whispers, I couldn’t feel much. It was all blurry. Felix held me, my head laying in his lap where he sat with his legs stretched out on the floor. Changbin was on the other side of me, at least I could hear his voice. He was saying something to another familiar voice… Dina.

“Hyunjin,” Felix whispered, laying over me, pressing his lips to my forehead. “Look at me, look up at me.”

Jeongin was by my feet, standing up. He was facing the crowd of people that flocked, trying to scope out the scene. With the occasional look back at Felix, Changbin and I, he waved people off. He was protecting me.

“Felix, let me,” Seungmin’s voice said from somewhere behind my vision. I assumed he was near Felix because he appeared at my side, opposite Changbin. Felix sat up, his hands splaying over my chest. 

Taking my chin in his hands, Seungmin moved one hand down to check my pulse, then he pulled at my eyes gently with his thumbs and studied my consciousness. “Can you hear me, Hyunjin?” I pushed a hum from my chest. “Can you tell me you hear me?”

My jaw trembled as I opened it. “I can hear you.” 

The words hurt. It came out in a whisper, but it hurt.

Nausea filled my being.

“You were out for eighty six seconds,” Seungmin said. “You’re going to feel fucking awful. Don’t move.” He took his hand to my wrist, pressing a thumb into my skin. “Dina, we’re okay,” he turned his head to shout, the sound piercing my ears.

Curly blonde hair appeared next to Jeongin, her worried eyes watching me, wide and afraid. “Are you sure?” Seungmin nodded, reassuring her with a look. “Fuckin’ hell.” She glanced at the bystanders still around and threw her hands in front of her. “What the fuck do y’all think this is?! Get out!”

The lights were on, and the music had stopped. When? I have no idea.

I was out for eighty six seconds. My throat burned, my head throbbing so bad I wished the lights would shut off.

“Home,” I managed to whisper, successfully curling my fingers after attempting to get them to move. Felix’s hands slid up to my shoulders, his touch soft.

“We will,” he said, leaning over me to kiss my temple. “We’ll go home. When Seungmin says we can go, we’ll go.”

I was able to move my hands entirely, then seconds later I could lift my arms, though when I did they fell straight to my stomach. I had no strength.

Seungmin, who allowed me to try to move, tilted his chin. “You’re not gonna like it if you keep doing that,” he warned. “This one’s probably going to have to carry you out of here.” He nodded at Changbin.

“Not the first time I’ve had to do that,” he smiled at me. “You’re a nut,” he said, his smile shifting into one of concern. “I’ve seen you hold your own, I know you’re good in a fight, but no one can against that bastard.”

Squinting, I shifted my jaw side to side, pain starting to manifest there. “He won,” I whispered.

Changbin scoffed, sharing a look with Seungmin and Felix. “He choked you out, bro. He fights dirty. You got him pretty good, but he wasn’t losing this one.” Putting a hand over one of mine, he lowered his brows. “Are you okay?”

Three simple words that’d sound normal to anyone else.

A funny question to ask someone after they’d been choked unconscious for eighty six seconds.

But, I knew what he meant.

Trying to swallow, a groan came out of my chest. Feeling a tear roll from my eye, down my cheek, Felix brushed it away with his thumb. I tried to look at him, but I couldn’t move my head without feeling like I’d vomit. Sharing in Changbin’s knowing gaze, I blinked and whispered, “No.”

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