#bullshit too because fuck letting your depression make you mentally and emotionally harm your own mate! What the fuck!

[hellhounds-hellscape]

Actually still bitter about this fucker! What sucks the most is that they take my valid criticism of people and warp it into some type of "nobody loves you and never cared, might as well kill yourself" type bullshit and spews their bullshit to everyone else! They literally just come around to make everyone else feel like shit, worse than EVEN I EVER DONE! For their own entertainment apparently, at least my shit was to protect the others! And they recently tried to drag people out of the system down too! This fucker literally stepped in the moment i was trying to find words to explain to the main of our partner system about why his depression fueled reviling was actively harming ours and? They tried to fucking kill us all INCLUDING themself?what the fuck seriously what in the actual fuck? This fucker only ever comes around to cause grief and make an already rocky situation Worse, why is this asshole even here?

[servicetopkaradanvers]

I'm not sure if this is exactly the right place to say this, but I don't know if there is. And you're a smart person and critical thinker who has talked about this before. If this is totally weird, you can just delete it ofc. I've never properly watched Supergirl but I started reading fanfic around the time my mental health got real bad so it was a comfort thing I didn't bring too much thought to. I really identify with Lena and in the past, part of me has understood her actions-

and I know that they're wrong. The anti-alien rhetoric is obviously an allegory for racism or homophobia. She's violated people's basic human rights. And I'm scared that I'm a bad person because sometimes, I kind of get it. Which is insane because i'm a lesbian enby of color, i mean i get targeted by most of the -ist/ism actions. And I'm also too tired to think about things critically all the time. Supercorp was my comfort fic, content thing-

I knew it was problematic (the whole James thing makes me sick to my stomach, scared and sad) but I didn't know that Lena as a character was written that way. The metaphors never really clicked in my head because I never thought about it, but now I feel absolutely horrible about myself because I like and identify with Lena. I'm not really sure how to move on from here- I'm just tired. I wish there could be just one thing, one piece of media that wasn't prejudiced (granted sg is not the place to go if you want decent rep and the like) and all of those things I said earlier. Its just me somehow trying to justify how I felt and empathized with something I shouldn't have. So yeah, sorry that was really long. I hope you have a lovely day- sorry for the spam

FIRST of all, you’re fine, babe! Both in sending me this and in enjoying The Bad Media. That’s my thesis here: You’re fine. With this in mind, let’s unpack this big ol suitcase:

We’re living in a fandom moment where more than ever before, we’re thinking about the ideas we consume in fiction and how they may or may not affect us. This is a net positive! Fiction is not reality, but it undeniably impacts it, so for this and many other reasons, we should always think critically about what resonates with us and why. Does this mean dissecting every facet of something to find all the ways it might fall in line with oppressive power structures? Absolutely not.

You, as an individual, do not owe anyone an explanation for why you enjoy anything. Period. How you relate to a given character or why you like them is nobody's business but your own.

Supergirl, as a piece of media, is singularly awful in its lackluster lipservice to progressivism while simultaneously refusing to deliver any progressive themes. Socially and politically, it is a useless liberal wet dream. Kara is an immigrant from a dead culture working as the muscle for a secret FBI offshoot with zero accountability for all of the other aliens in diaspora she has rounded up and dumped into a cell without trial. Alex is allegedly a lesbian, but the key points of her endgame relationship are constantly deemed not important enough to get screen time, which is made even more absurd when examined from the angle that this series is marketed directly toward LGBT people. An embarrassing percentage of villains on this show are women of color, which is particularly loud when there are only 2 women in the main cast who aren't white. And "main" is extremely generous, given that Kelly is just there to Give Advice Good and everything M'gann says and does is as dry as toast.

My point here is that the whole show is rotted to its roots, and whatever quietly libertarian or even fascism-enabling bullshit they push onto Lena in a given week is par for the crusty, shitty course. Kara deciding that she's ok with the alien detection device because "there are bad aliens" is a lovely (read: awful) microcosm of why this show sucks so fucking hard. "People are entitled to their opinions" is for debates on whether pineapple goes on pizza, not for whether we should casually out, endanger, and disenfranchise our [insert minority metaphor here] because some of them are mean.

But what I would love for this fandom to wrap its head around, and what I hope you understand, anon, is that just because it happens on the show, doesn't mean we have to give a rat's ass about it. What the hell is The Canon, anyway? Especially in the case for Supergirl, which can't even get its own continuity right. Especially for an IP that has been rebooted dozens of times before and will be rebooted again in the future. We can just decide that Lena realized the horrible injustices she enabled through her position of power. We can even decide that they just didn't happen at all! This is all fake. It's not set in stone. Who came up with it, anyway? A network with a list of buzzwords they want included and a couple of D-tier showrunners cranking down caffeine to meet an absurdly tight deadline. It's not special. I can guarantee that you care about it infinitely more than they do, and you haven't even watched the damn show.

On a more personal level, people who are hurt, depressed, or traumatized have always and will always look for themselves in fiction. Myself included! And despite what lofty platitudes there may be on the matter, suffering does not make us kind. It does not make us better. Sometimes it's just suffering. Often it pulls us further from who we are meant to be. Often it just makes us "worse."

Trauma has made Lena emotionally brittle. A lifetime of manipulation and abuse has taught her to compartmentalize herself and lock her feelings behind a maze of doors. When she does let love in, she accepts it so wild and vulnerable that she can't see the red flags behind the rosy lenses. She latches so hard onto people she deems virtuous that she holds them to a standard none could fulfill. Her pain has to go somewhere, so it oozes out of her, into Non Nocere, into the post-reveal rift. She's a powder keg, and Kara spent 4 years shoveling more gunpowder onto the pile while holding the match between her teeth.

And despite these fatal flaws that make perfect sense through the eyes of Lena's trauma, she is so full of love. Like Kara, her suffering did not make her kind. She is kind in spite of her suffering. These are the characters we are drawn to when we're hurting. Lena’s trauma is an inextricable part of her, but it is not all of her, and neither are her mistakes.

There truly is not and never will be a piece of media that is absolutely innocent of the harmful structures thrust upon us by society, because we ourselves also participate in that society whether we are critical of it or not, whether we strive to change it or not. I'm flawed. You're flawed. Bettering ourselves is not a journey toward an ultimate destination of perfection. It is a garden we nurture in an endless labor of love because the joy that comes from seeing it flourish and change vastly outweighs the work we put into it and the weeds popping up around its unkempt edges. This is a lesson Lena herself could probably stand to internalize. Probably with lots and lots of therapy. Lots. And lots.

So, to circle back to the start of this? You're fine. You recognized the logic in a traumatized character's mistakes because our own gravest errors more often than not stem from the ways we have been harmed in the past. It's what makes Lena (or, at the very least, the many adaptations of Lena that exist in this fandom) a good character. She is, to her core, characterized proof that a crumbling foundation and poisonous soil do not define us. Which is why watching her heal and grow and learn a healthier kind of love is so, so wonderful.

In closing, I think it's worth mentioning that being critical of media does not mean that we stop enjoying the parts of it we like. There is a lot of gold to be pulled from the steaming pile of shit that is CW Supergirl, and that's why we're all here in the first place. So I really hope you can continue to enjoy it in whatever way makes you smile <3

[onisionisacanceronthisearth]

Why we care about Onision and Coolguykai’s kids (Masterlist)

There’s a lot of information floating around about the kids but I don’t know if anyone has made a post compiling it all together so I figured I would do so. Also because an “argument” used again the anti-o community is that “we’re creepy for even thinking about kids” so I figured I’d show that we’re not just thinking about them for no real reason. For some slight background information, they have an older son around age 7 and a younger daughter around age 4. This is written in bullet form under the cut with bold sections for easier/quicker reading for those who would prefer that. Feel free to add more if you know anything and I’ll keep updating this post. Eli=Kai

Update: The girl fell 12 feat out the second story window to the ground giving her a depressed skull fracture. This was because Kai was cooking and left the child alone in a room with the tv and a caprisun while they were cooking and James was in the garage. The right side of her head was caved in and requires constant monitoring. The girl was known to climb the furniture and also known for standing at windows by the couple which is why the windows are supposedly kept locked to protect her. Even then, she was left totally without supervision and fell as far as she did right onto the driveway. She may have serious brain damage. James filmed her body while Kai comforted her because he was paranoid it would be seen as his fault (the video wouldn’t absolve him of anything, he’s just an low IQ dumbass). James also made a lot of awful sexually themed tweets while he was in the hospital with his potentially dying daughter. Here and here are links to the full police report, the daughter’s name was redacted due to her age

Greg refuses to talk with children who cannot speak properly yet. Besides the obvious stupidity behind this (children learn to talk from being spoken to), giving a child the impression that they are only recognized for what they can do for their parents is an emotionally damaging thing to do. It’s also damaging to show emotional neglect which Greg is doing by not caring for his children beyond the uses he has for them

Greg and Eli will have sex in front of their kids and while sharing a bed with them. Early exposure to sex is harmful for kids and despite the obvious fact that Greg isn’t a dom, he still does have rough and harmful sex with Eli and the other girls they bring in for threesomes. We have seen the marks on Eli’s neck, we now know those kids likely have seen Greg give them to him. There was an incident where the boy was in the room on a tablet while his parents were going at it right in front of him as well as the now infamous story that the first time Sarah had a threesome with the couple (Greg and Eli suddenly started having sex without Sarah’s knowledge or consent then she joined after), the daughter was in the bed with them too. They would start and stop sex as the girl kept waking up because they were right beside her on the same bed

During a blackout once, Eli decided to vlog about it. In the video you can see one of the children under the table with a tablet shining in their eyes. Instead of comforting the kids they were told to hide under the table with a tablet while their parents vlogged about it. The parents then promptly went out to eat. It’s unsure if the kids went with them (we didn’t see them in the vlog) so either the kids were out with them while their parents spoke quite vulgar in the car, or the “loving” parents left their two very young children alone at home during a blackout with nothing but some tablets to keep them happy

Overall it does seem like the parents think that tablets are an adequate babysitter for toddlers. Even if that toddler isn’t in the same room as them. That is very obviously not safe nor a good substitute for caring for a child. Given the accident the girl had, it’s clear they think that if they leave an active toddler in a closed room, totally out of sight, with a tv that that’s safe

They chose to parent their children using the “gentle” and “attachment” parenting techniques. They do not implement these styles properly however on top of the possible negative effects of these parenting techniques. This has resulted in:

Not ending breastfeeding at an appropriate time or with the proper care required for prolonged feeding

Breastfeeding at night without brushing teeth afterwards resulting in the boy losing his teeth at age 2

The boy not being told to not be physically violent with his sister or dealing with the child’s violence but instead instructing him to punch Greg instead (the boy will push his sister off the couch for example).

Sleeping with the children despite the couple clearly wanting sex constantly as mentioned above

And all the other complications of never telling your child no, never introducing new things to them or imposing rules or restrictions, having one parent refuse to give you boundaries while another that doesn’t even care to talk to you half the time, etc. The parenting style is meant to be gentle, but this results in, as stated above, not telling the children not to hurt people either

The children supposedly only had one friend (or at least the boy did) which was Maddie’s daughter. Greg and Eli spontaneously decided to end their relationship with Maddie resulting in their son losing his only friend and playmate. Given the nature of the split from Maddie, it’s clear their son was not a factor in the decision at all (not saying you have to remain friends with someone for the sake of your kids but the decision to drop Maddie was bullshit and clearly selfish)

While baby sitting his and Maddie’s kids, Greg refused to change Maddie’s daughter’s diaper and didn’t even bother telling Maddie about the diaper being full. This resulted in Maddie coming back to find her daughter covered in feces and it had been on her daughter long enough that the resulting rash caused her daughter to bleed. Greg clearly doesn’t give a shit about babies (no pun intended) and makes me wonder how often his children’s diapers were messy and he did nothing about it

The Jackson house is FILTHY and not suitable for children. Just recently I posted one of Eli’s videos and it contained a part where Eli saw the dog walking around with food in its mouth that Eli didn’t even know where it came from and not even phased by it. Food being left out is a mold and bacterial hazard on its own, very harmful for children. But it’s also teaching kids bad habits and also if the dog could find it, kids could too and toddlers love putting things in their mouths

Greg used to have a large sex doll that had no business being in a small house with children running around with no supervision

Greg’s initial wetland work created a direct line to the lake they live on, that’s a serious drowning hazard, especially for someone who didn’t think he could watch to make sure his kids wouldn’t walk to a tree that could hurt them. He has also now planted (or at least bought) poisonous bright red berries among a bunch of edible ones. So much for worrying about the kids...

The diet of the Jackson family is atrocious. It’s already showing negative effects on the parents but that is much less dangerous than having malnutritioned children. The children are growing and developing and they require proper nutrition for this, not doing so can result in many dangerous complications on top of both mental and physical stunting of growth.

Update: Greg’s daughter has been seen recently in a video and yes, she is crazy small for her age

Greg has been reported as yelling at his child and blaming said child for “causing them to lose” a game. This was reported by Maya while the three of them were playing a video game and were teamed up together. Greg literally yelled at his toddler for not being perfect at a fucking video game not only turning the game into being about winning, but putting expectations on a child that just should not be the case. As a parent, and even as a younger sibling it can even be beneficial to let them win because otherwise it would be unfair to play any games with them, especially those requiring larger amounts of skill. You wouldn’t expect David Beckham to play soccer with his kids with the same vigor he’d play professionally would you? And if you’re playing a game as a team with your kid and you want to win, it’s up to you to play better to make up for the obvious difference in skill when a toddler is playing

Speaking of Maya, when yelling at her for refusing his advances he spontaneously laid on her without her consent and with no real warning (it was intended for her to be another one of Eli’s girlfriends and she was brought over, as far as she knew, to meet with Eli to see if they were compatible in person), Greg was actually holding his child and running in and out of the room screaming at her. The subject matter alone was inappropriate for a child to hear (Greg asking why she was not sexually attracted to him because “everyone was” for example), let alone being carried by a screaming man running around the house. It almost seemed as if Greg decided to use his child as a human shield because there was no other reason for him to pick up a child to bring to a room where he was going to scream at a young woman. The child couldn’t even leave if he wanted to because he was being held

There was audio in the background of one of Eli’s videos where you can hear Greg scream to “take some fucking responsibility for once”. This was either directed at one of his very young children, or yelled at someone else in the house or on the phone loud enough for the children to hear. Again, not a good environment for these children to grow up in

During a livestream the boy once entered the room to tell Greg that he loved him, Greg didn’t respond back in kind. I get that Greg likely wanted to get the kid out of the livestream for his so-called privacy, but that doesn’t stop him from from quickly responding to the kid while doing so. Especially in a private livestream with people who know of your kids and are waiting in line to enter into the household as a third

The children get to watch Eli flinch and otherwise act scared of Greg, they may not understand it, but their brains will remember this. It is also encouraging them to be more scared of their father than they already likely are

James gets mad if Kai turns on the heat even in January. Toddlers and children can be quite sensitive to the cold and it doesn’t matter how he feels, what matters is his children (which clearly isn’t how he feels)

Update: A recent video of the girl has shown that her hair is a sad mess. At that age the girl’s hair should be bright, shiney, and healthy looking. Unfortunately it is unkempt and dull. It would look like her hair is washed too often with bad products and not brushed as it should be on top of visual signs of deficiencies leading to unhealthy hair. I’d take a potshot and assume this child were deficient in amino acids and other healthy fats if she were brought to me (disclaimer: I cannot officially diagnose anyone over the internet). It may also be due to her horrific accident

[enavance]

hi i’m here to once again start a discussion / meta about a song that i relate to cherry.  on this episode,  we’re pulling apart falling in reverse’s popular monster.  some of the lyrics are hit or miss because you know obviously this is based on ronnie’s own experiences,  but some of the lyrics are really suited to cherry and i’ll bold the relevant lines as i go or omit things as needed.

also holy shit this is like over 1600 words,  not including the lyrics of course,  and  . . .  congratulations if u read this jkbdfbkvd

i wake up every morning with my head up in a daze i'm not sure if i should say this,  fuck,  i'll say it anyway everybody tries to tell me that i'm goin' through a phase i don't know if it's a phase,  i just wanna feel okay, yeah i battle with depression,  but the question still remains is this post-traumatic stressin' or am i suppressin' rage? and my doctor tries to tell me that i'm going through a phase yeah, it's not a fuckin' phase, i just wanna feel okay

okay,  yeah,  i struggle with this bullshit every day and it's probably 'cause my demons simultaneously rage it obliterates me,  disintegrates me,  annihilates me

cherry has always been hot  -  tempered since she was younger,  but now as she’s grown and grown into her role as the warrior of light and coupled with all of the things she has endured from the beginning of her journey to where she is now.  she lived a relatively peaceful life until imperial garlean forces invaded her village and uprooted her life and destroyed everything she once knew and forced her to make anew.  cherry struggles with severe depression and ptsd,  and much of that contributes to her trauma response and why she’s so quick to lash out in a form of a defense mechanism.

'cause i'm about to break down i'm searchin' for a way out i'm a liar,  i'm a cheater,  i'm a non-believer i'm a popular,  popular monster i break down falling into love now with falling apart i'm a popular,  popular monster

with everything cherry goes through,  it’s a wonder she hasn’t snapped completely yet,  but she has come so,  so,  so close so many times.  she is self  -  destructive in her coping methods,  whether intentionally or not.  sometimes she realizes and notices her harmful coping methods,  sometimes she doesn’t,  but her mindset is that if she’s not hurting anyone else,  it’s fine.

however,  what she doesn’t realize is that her distance and cold shouldering and keeping people at arms length is hurtful because people are just trying to be there for her,  but she won’t allow them to due to her debilitating fear of allowing anyone to come near her,  physically or emotionally,  and risk them forming an attachment to her and vice versa.

she doesn’t want someone to feel hurt or pain in losing her and having to mourn her.  cherry is a serial escapist in that she will disappear for months at a time and wander off looking for the most dangerous jobs,  not only because she needs the money and thrives off of the adrenaline and that she has an inherently reckless nature,  but it’s that deep  -  rooted self  -  destructiveness.

i think i'm going nowhere like a rat trapped in a maze every wall that i knock down is just a wall that i'll replace i'm in a race against myself,  i try to keep a steady pace how the fuck will i escape if i never close my case? oh my god,  i keep on stressin',  every second that i waste is another second sooner to a blessing i won't take

cherry doesn’t see herself as a hero.  to a degree,  she understands that it’s not her choice whether or not she is seen as a hero.  other people will call her one regardless based on her accomplishments and achievements and decorated contributions to the preservation of eorzea and the shard as a whole.  as vain as she is,  and as much as she boasts of her strength as a warrior,  which she takes quite a bit of pride in,  she’s surprisingly somewhat humble when it comes to being seen as a hero that people look to for light in the darkness and idolize.  she just sees nothing special in it because of how many people still die,  how many things are still lost and destroyed.  her own pessimism stops her from feeling positively towards any association with being a hero.  she doesn’t want to be celebrated or praised,  but she won’t be mad if someone compliments her skills and says she’s strong.

cherry is an extremely guarded person and this is something i discuss at length with her keeping extremely tall and thick walls up to protect herself and the people around her due to her life experiences and the trauma she has been through from before ARR to where she is now post  -  SHB.  she’s afraid of letting anyone in.  she’s afraid of caring about people,  despite the fact that she does because deep down she is caring and kind and soft and she just can’t help herself.  she tries to convince herself that she’s not as close to some people as she thinks,  but she is and it would kill her to lose anyone else.  and deep down,  cherry knows that it’s much the same for her friends as well,  that it’s too late,  that they do care about her and someone will be there to mourn and grieve her and she hates that.  this is why she flinches at softness,  any soft gesture or touch or kindness,  even more so when it comes to romantic avenues.  she will run and run and run until she’s sure you’ve given up on pursuing her.  much of this is also tied into the fact that caring about someone is a weakness to a fault because an enemy can sniff that out and use that against her.  they could take someone that she cares about and use them as leverage or kill them or hurt them to get to her and she is so deeply afraid of that most of all.

cherry refuses help constantly.  she shoulders everything and is the first to volunteer to do anything dangerous.  she makes her own recklessly stupid and dangerous plans and rushes in headfirst without much thought.  she is stubborn and will insist on doing everything herself,  even the most menial tasks.  she doesn’t want to look weak,  not that she is or that anyone even thinks that of her,  but she doesn’t want it to appear to anyone that she has any weaknesses because she doesn’t want them to be turned against her.  she refuses help that would otherwise be blessings to make her life easier.

okay,  motherfucker,  now you got my attention i need to change a couple things 'cause somethin' is missing and what if i were to lie?  tell you everything is fine every single fucking day i get closer to the grave i am terrified,  i fell asleep at the wheel again crashed my car just to feel again it obliterates me,  disintegrates me,  annihilates me

cherry is as honest as they come.  perhaps too honest,  sometimes.  however,  when it comes to her own wellbeing,  she will lie to fool others into thinking that she’s fine so that they don’t worry about her.  she doesn’t want to be worried or fussed over,  and most of all,  she doesn’t want to add to anyone else’s stress or make them waste their time with her.  cherry doesn’t take very good care of herself,  physically or emotionally or mentally.  she barrels into danger without thought,  is impulsive,  extremely reckless,  and she doesn’t talk about her feelings to anyone or discuss the traumatic events that happened to her with anyone.  i think the only people she may have opened up to are haurchefant,  maybe thancred on occasion,  ardbert because she’s fine talking to him because her logic is  “  who is he going to tell  ?  no one else can see him,  ”  maybe aymeric but never wholly in detail,  and maybe estinien.  cherry is terrified of opening up to people.  she doesn’t care if people see her as being awful or anything,  but she’s afraid of being seen as vulnerable and having all of those parts of her open and raw.

she’s not actively suicidal or anything or ever thinking about dying.  in fact,  she’s deathly afraid of dying because of the people who care about her and because the fate of the world rests on her shoulders.  she doesn’t want anyone to ever feel the pain she did losing her loved ones.  she doesn’t want them to mourn her.  she doesn’t want to risk the dying of this star just because there’s so much at stake and so many people and the world depending on her success and her being alive.

still,  despite that,  despite knowing that and that being an enormous fear of hers,  that doesn’t stop her from being reckless.  she is extremely self  -  destructive and impulsive and doesn’t think too much,  if at all,  before committing to something,  even if it’s an extremely bad idea.  she does do harmful and self  -  destructive things just to feel things,  hence her being somewhat of an adrenaline addict and chasing danger and diving headfirst into fights or battles and facing off with dangerous people,  even if outnumbered.  she revels in danger and the feeling of adrenaline rushes and actively being battered and bruised in a fight.  she probably would crash a car,  honestly,  just to feel something that is beyond the despondence and depression that she’s come to know post  -  shb.

yeah,  here we go again,  motherfucker,  oh we're sick and tired of wondering praying to a god that you don't believe you're searching for the truth in the lost and found so the question i ask is,  yeah,  where the fuck is your god now? 

and by the end of shb,  knowing the things that she knows of hydaelyn and zodiark,  she’s extremely jaded and even more pessimistic than she was to begin with.  in the beginning,  she didn’t know what she was coming into,  when joining the fray with the scions and learning of her own abilities with the echo and hydaelyn’s will and her involvement.  as time passes and hydaelyn’s absence becomes more noticeable,  she begins to feel abandoned,  and she wonders if hydaelyn is simply content to allow the shard to die and with it,  its people. 

even upon learning of the mother crystal’s weakness in strength,  learning the truth of everything,  the forming of the worlds and hydaelyn and zodiark being primals,  she begins to heavily distrust hydaelyn and wonders if everything had been a lie.  what else had hydaelyn hidden from her  ?  what else was a lie  ?  cherry has never been religious,  not really,  and she wonders if the gods are really out there.  hydaelyn certainly isn’t the god they all thought she was     —     she is a primal.  they have placed their faith and worship in a primal who disappeared and left them in darkness and silence.

cherry is left in a pretty fragile state come the end of shb.  she has lost so much more,  and she feels as though she managed to accomplish nothing despite everything that she has had a hand in doing.  there is always something else,  always something more,  and she feels as though it’s never going to end and she is exhausted.  she will never tire of helping people,  not truly,  but she feels such an emptiness within her and i really think that losing anyone else important to her,  specifically people like thancred,  the twins,  estinien,  aymeric,  she is really going to spiral harder than ever before and i really don’t know how cherry would come out of it in one piece.

[fairycosmos]

+ i guess i just dont know what to do. not that i can do anything... but this really feels like shes running way because shes afraid of confronting issues or problems that are normal in human relationships. im afraid when or if she decides to approach me again, the friendship wont be there anymore. im one of the only ppl she has left bc she isolated herself a lot after her depression. i just dont want her to be alone. i feel terrible for ever saying anything. sorry for the long ask. love you!!

wtfff im so sorry youre dealing with this rn :( i really really REALLY don't think you need to feel terrible for saying something, you absolutely did the right thing imo. when someone takes you setting a boundary as a personal attack........that's such a red flag and it kind of leaves you backed into a corner, because you don't want to upset them even more but you also want to be honest about how they made you feel. i totally understand the internal conflict dude :( it sounds like you care a lot ab this person and you're very sensitive to the fact that they've been through some shit, which is really cool of you, but we all know that that doesn't excuse rude comments and disregarding your efforts to communicate healthily. ofc it's entirely up to you where you go from here, and i don't think you'd be unreasonable for distancing yourself from her considering her reaction. but if that doesn't feel good to you either, i guess just let her know that you can see shes in a lot of pain and you want to support her but you also don't feel comfortable with what she said and you would appreciate it if she doesn't do it again. which is basically what you said the first time, but reiterating your boundary and making it clear is probably the best way to go. and if she takes it as a personal attack again, then thats quite literally on her and i feel like you've done everything you can so. i want to let you know that you don't have to stay in a toxic or harmful friendship just because the other person is isolated or mentally ill. obviously nobody is perfect and we all fuck up but it's not your job to continuously put your own well being and happiness at risk to accommodate her bullshit, even if you do love and care for her. you cant control her behaviour but you can control your response to it and what you allow in your own life, you know? and if this is becoming a repeated pattern then i don't blame you for feeling fed up of it, anyone would. basically i feel like whatever you need, it's ok. if you need some time disengage from her, thats ok. if you need to try to clear things up with her, thats ok too. theres really no wrong answer, though i get that it must feel very emotionally chaotic rn. i hope you can find a few moments to breathe and self soothe and that youre trying to be kind to yourself as you work through this. take it one step at a time, and let it come to its natural conclusion without too much self scrutiny or blame, whatever that conclusion may be. sending you so much love rn!! please take care x 💕

[beybladeimagines]

How would the All Starz comfort an s/o who's feeling worthless from depression and being crushed from their too high self-expectations? (If you're wondering how I'm doing, I'm doing fine! I have support but sometimes it's easy to slip back into that way of thinking, you know? Keep up the good work!)

Mod Note: I’m so sorry I just now got to this, but thanks so much for your support and being an angel. I also appreciate you telling me that you’re okay, because I did low-key panic. But I love you and hope you continue to find happiness in the new year. 

MAX: Despite his cheerful exterior, Max knows the feeling of depression all too well. The feeling arrived the moment his mom left him and his stuck with him for years. It even seemed to escalate when he realized just how much he had to do to get his moms eyes back on him. Meeting expectations, especially hers, was pretty rough. Although much time has passed and he’s found ways to cope, it does arrive in waves and he’d never wish the feeling on anyone. So, when he realizes that his partner is experiencing the same thing, he can’t help but internally corrode. I just imagine him with his arms out, approaching his partner, and slowly bringing them to his chest. He gets it, so he finds himself holding the other tighter and tighter. He hopes that all of his love sinks right into their skin and finds a way into their heart. He isn’t exactly sure who made them feel that way, but he wants them to know just how unbelievably happy they’ve managed to make him. He knows that sometimes, we as people tend to prioritize others in our lives and their views of us hold a tremendous weight… But he also knows that validation from someone else can really reassure you that you’re doing the right thing. Upon holding his partner, I can see him kneeling before them, making sure that their eyes are on him as he speaks. If they’re crying, he’s there to wipe away those tears and smile while praising the fuck out of them. He’d bring up significant stories of their time together - all the moments in which his partner managed to change his perspective, or made him happy, or motivated him. He wants the other to know just how powerful they really are. He never even had expectations for them, but somehow they managed to make a profound impact on his life so effortlessly. Max would give it his all to remind his partner of their worth. It’d be a very memorable and emotionally intimate experience.

MICHAEL: His first instinct is to get angry, but never at his partner. Michael is truly a free spirit and seldom commits to anything or anyone (except for his team). So, when he’s finally found someone that he’s so completely addicted to and enamored by, he treats their pain as if it’s his own. His partner becomes his everything - I mean literally, he elevates them. At first, he wouldn’t understand the source of their suffering. It’s an innocent thought - he just thinks their so perfect, how could anyone possibly think otherwise? You’ll have to excuse his behavior, because he’s never had to think about anyone other than himself. The first thing he’d ask his partner is, “who do I have to annihilate?” He’d probably reach for his bat too, as if assuming that someone else was responsible for making his better half feel that way (and that violence is the only way to address it). Although his outrage might appear concerning, he’d never do anything without their permission, but he’d try to explain his actions. In the heat of the moment, he’d end up spewing out every single reason as to why he loved his partner. And how he just can’t wrap his mind around people who can’t see the exact same perfect person he does.

However, Michael can empathize with not being able to meet expectations as well. After all, he couldn’t meet Judy’s expectations and didn’t get a chance to play in the championships. Of course that was devastating and he had to rely on his own ego to keep from feeling like an absolute loser or failure. He knows how broken he was, and he’d want to make sure his partner never experienced the same low as him. He’d most likely use that opportunity to open up to his partner. Upon explaining his feelings, he’d most likely add how suddenly Judy’s expectations meant nothing when he found his significant other. He managed to reevaluate his definition of success. It no longer looked like being the All American Hero. Success ended up looking like a stable relationship with his partner and as far as he was concerned, he got that. So, he’d ask his partner to think about those expectations and reexamine them. 

RICK: He usually struggles to display his honest affection outside of aggression, annoyance, and the occasional narcissism. However, Rick is actually empathetic and the perfect person to serve as an ear for his significant other. At first, he’d listen in silence and pay attention to the subtle ways in which their voice cracks and quivers, their pauses, the words they use, and so on… Rick is trying so hard to understand and pick up on every little detail that others would otherwise neglect. He knows just how far someone can sink thanks to depression - he’s experienced it himself. Although he’s used those negative thoughts as fuel, he understands that it’s not always easy to do what he did (hell, he barely did it). As his partner is speaking, I just imagine him putting both of his hands on their shoulders mid sentence. He’d press his forehead against their own and breathe out softly through his nose. I can imagine him saying, “you’re too hard on yourself…” And that’s pretty powerful coming from someone who’s always hard on themselves as well. Although he can justify that behavior towards himself, he doesn’t think his partner should be doing it to themselves.

I can picture him listing off every thing he loves about his partner, all while offering kisses in between every statement. But all at once, he’d want to work through those thoughts with his partner. He’s not usually good with his words (unless it’s being sassy), but he sincerely wants to try for them. He’d listen to where there head’s at, but I see him always having a rebuttal to every piece of self-doubt and uncertainty that his partner extends. Rick isn’t the type to be encouraging - let’s be honest, he’s put a lot of people down. So to see him extending praise so effortlessly (like, literally, not even seconds after his partner spoke), just shows you how highly he thinks of his significant other and how much faith he has in them to meet all their goals. But, he’d also critique some of those goals and expectations if he found them harmful. Affirmation is great, but he calls bullshit on anything that has the potential to hurt them.

EMILY: If it were anyone else, she’d tell them to suck it up. Emily has tremendous trust issues and doesn’t like it when others are vulnerable around her. However, when it comes to her partner, she exerts all of her energy and attention on them. Again, Emily feels uncomfortable and intimidated by vulnerability. She knows that people take advantage of emotions, but she’d never be the type to do that to her partner. Her partner would be the first person to confront her with depression and although Emily is well-read on the topic, she’d struggle with truly understanding it. She takes this opportunity to really hear her partner out, to really familiarize herself with these emotions and the source of them. Honestly, Emily would ask some great questions and you can tell she’s trying to really empathize with her partner in order to avoid saying something unnecessary or stupid. She understands expectations. She has set many for herself and constantly curses at herself for not meeting them. But… If her partner doesn’t meet them, she doesn’t think they’re a failure. Rather, she thinks they’re so brave for trying so hard. 

Emily will begin to admit her admiration, but she’d be careful to avoid sounding as if she’s encouraging the kind of expectations being set. She’d tell her partner that some goals just aren’t meant to be reached. Although it’s a hard pill to swallow, especially for her, she is trying to transition into his idea that it’s so much better to focus on goals that are attainable, not self-deprecating, and not established thanks to the influence of others. Honestly, while speaking, Emily is also internalizing this advice for herself. She thrives from communication and wants to have a genuine and intimate conversation with her partner. Eventually, she’ll realize that she needs to shut up, so she’ll simply guide her partners head into her lip and start playing with their hair. She’ll allow her physical presence to serve as a distraction, but continues to encourage her partner to speak - regardless of what the topic is.

EDDY: Eddy would most likely attempt to distract his partner immediately. Sometimes, people don’t want to talk. Sometimes, it’s scary to actually vocalize the very things you wish weren’t weighing on you. Having to repeat expectations can be frightening and he doesn’t want his significant other to make those expectations seem as if they’re real and should be worthy of their emotional labor. So, he’d swoop in, quite literally (probably picking them up bridal style and swinging them around) before taking them out somewhere. It’s not that Eddy is avoiding the issue - rather, he’s also aware that it’s probably not best to manifest that negative energy in a space devoted to love and relaxation. He’d encourage them to speak when they felt comfortable while they were out walking, or while they were watching the stars, or while they were at an amusement park. He wants to be surrounded by things that can easily lift his partner when he sees that they are sinking. His mentality is very much “I have to get you out of here. I have to make you feel good. I don’t want you thinking about things that don’t make you happy. I want you to always be surrounded by the things that can put a smile on your face.” So, in other words, he wants to make every place a safe space, but also allow his partner to escape if they aren’t in the mood to confront their feelings.

STEVE: Steve has learned to be a bit more sympathetic, but continues to be straight forward. When he goes his injury, he realized he couldn’t meet a lot of the expectations he set for himself. He understands exactly what his partner is going through, but instead of making it about himself, he continues to stay silent and listens to them the entire time. He’d be the type to pull them into his chest and slowly rub their shoulder. He uses a lot of physical gestures to calm his partner down and to put them at ease. Through physical therapy, he’s learned how simple gestures can make profound impacts on the body, so he’s passing that knowledge down in order to make his partner as comfortable as possible. 

[stefano-and-obscura]

This is NOT Okay: Bullying someone over fanfiction and over what their friends said.

Unfortunately it has come to my attention that a mutual of mine was being harassed both on here and on AO3 because of her Stefano Valentini Randomness Stories, and this sad, pathetic waste of space below tried to JUSTIFY it. What they put is absolutely sickening. [I wound up using strong language in my responses, so I am sorry you have to read those words.]

More under the cut because this is getting long

Look, my friend didn't tell me she was called "basement dweller," and I don't care who did it. That person's ass is grass whether you like it or not. She didn't complain to me about it. I found it myself and acted

If your friend didn't tell you, that meant you actually read it and you saw who REALLY called her a basement dweller, which makes it all the more fucking pathetic you're harassing someone JUST because of what a fan of theirs told your friend!! Where's the justification for THAT?? You just wanted an excuse to hate on someone who wrote what you didn't like, and instead of being the LOGICAL person and confronting the one who insulted your friend you went after the person who had nothing to do with it.

Your friend brought that on herself; she commented something rude, someone else defended the author, and your idiotic little rat brain decides to go after the author???????

That's like me going after YOUR FRIEND because of YOUR BEHAVIOR.  I feel so, so sorry that your friend has to put up with a fucking overly goddamn worthless piece of shit like you who thinks its okay to bully others because "MAH FWENDS!" How fucking old are you???????

I'm gonna get this straight once and for all: we did NOT tell her to delete her story. We did not just choose to target her because she was who she was. We just found a crappy story and left our comments.We are just as entitled to our opinions. 

From the comments I saw when she linked me I saw you fucking assholes DID tell her to delete her story!! You're just fucking lucky she deleted the whole damn thing because she didn't want to deal with drama anymore, but you are lying through your teeth. You CHOSE to target her because "lolz shitteh storie!" which itself is an EXTREMELY shitty reason to harass someone in the first place and tell therm to delete something they're working on.  You're a sick fuck, you all are, because if you think its justifiable to harass people based on how badly their story is written you don't deserve the privilege of being online at all.

You can leave your shitty opinion WITHOUT harassing the author, doncha know?? There's CONSTRUCTIVE criticism (which nobody there used) that your dumb fucking asses could have used instead of "THIS SUCKS DELETE YOUR STORY DELETE IT NOW" like a bunch of enraged toddlers who are pissy that they can't get what they want.

Instead of ignoring us and deleting them, she turned it into drama. So, immediately, by that alone, that in turn caused her white knights to do what they have been doing.

This just in: Apparently people CANNOT offer their own reason for doing the way it does without "turning it into drama".  You bastards were the ones who turned it into drama by harassing her still, people defending themselves against hateful comments (aka "DELETE YOUR SHITTY STORY") is NOT causing drama. You got pissy because she told you off and gave her reason, so you decided to bully her all because "wahh my fee fees hurt!"

And yes, she could use a little bit of real world. Everyone gets depressed, everyone gets anxious. She's not special. Everyone gets a little fragile here and there,

You're one of the stupidest motherfuckers to ever stupid.

Because of her fragile mental health due to her condition, the poor girl deals with enough ‘real world’ shit at home. There’s a reason that people come online, to escape that, and sorry, bullying is not ‘real world’. It is something that happens in the real world, but its not normal and should never be okay to do at all, not even online. (Where it can get worse than real world bullying because smug rat bastards like yourself think you can hide behind a wall of anonymity until someone dies from it, in which case you’re held responsible)

You have NO understanding of mental illnesses! There's a difference between "I'm feeling sad! I'm feeling nervious!" AND A DEBILITATING MENTAL ILLNESS THAT PEOPLE HAVE TO BE ON MEDICATION FOR.

One of your friends being "sad" is NOT the same as someone struggling with depression! One of your friends feeling nervous sometimes is NOT the same as someone dealing with near-crippling anxiety!

Nobody takes medicine for being just sad and just nervous, and everyone gets a little fragile here and there??????? There's a big fucking difference from being at a low point AND HAVING YOUR MENTAL ILLNESS AFFECT YOU SO BADLY THAT YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT, AND THERE'S A REASON WHY MOST OF THE PEOPLE WHO COMMIT SUICIDE ARE STRUGGLING WITH MENTAL ILLNESSES.

With you and your friends' fucking harassment YOU COULD HAVE BULLIED THIS GIRL TO SELF HARM and frankly I wouldn't be surprised if you already did, ALL OVER A STORY YOU HATED AND SOMEONE ELSE'S COMMENT.

How many people have you done this to? How many people did you indirectly kill because you bullied them to self harm and suicide?

and no. Saying a bad story is bad is not bullying. It is not. You're just calling it bullying because she said it was. You're just functioning on her vocabulary.

HMMMMM apparently telling someone to delete their story over and over, spamming her and leaving other hateful shit isn't bullying?? You're fucking delusional.  You outright admitted to it that she had to get hurt.  You planned this, you and the rest of the sick fucks in your pack decided to BULLY her over something so incredibly stupid.

And you know what? All of my friends have medically diagnosed problems too, not just "depression" and "anxiety."

And you know what?????? Everyone experiences mental illnesses differently, some worse than others! And goody goody, your friend has BPD?? So does my mother, who, because of her BPD, has physically and emotionally hurt me, other people and herself, and she attempted SUICIDE because it got that bad!

Meanwhile judging from YOUR attitude and lack of understanding (or plain ignorance) towards mental illness, either your friend has VERY mild, manageable BPD or your friend doesn't have BPD at all! None of your friends do, or if they DO, they either have it under control or they know what kind of shitty bitch you are and keep it hidden from you because they know you'll treat them like absolute trash otherwise.

YOUR ACTIONS have only worsened the girl's mental state, and you don't  care at all because "Ha ha my friends handle it better/don't have anything so YOU should be able to do the same by my neurotypical standards uwu"

I'm not a white knight. I'm her best friend.

You may be her "friend" (Which I doubt because unless you're hiding that side from her, ,who wants to be friends with something like you?) but you still white-knighted by jumping in where your ass didn't belong. Not only that but you went after the WRONG PERSON, IF YOU ACTUALLY DID IT BECAUSE OF THE BASEMENT DWELLER INSULT!!

Judging from the fact you KNEW it wasn't her who called your friend a basement dweller (which is a stupid fucking thing to get offended over unless you're 12)  You didn't attack her for the basement dweller thing at all, did you??

You saw an opportunity to attack her because of her shitty story (as if you didn't already do the whole "DELETE YOUR STORY IT SUCKS" bit) and find a way to justify it.

It was never about the basement dweller thing, as far as I see. If it really was why did you bother attacking her some more instead of going after the person who made the comment?????? You said so yourself, your friend didn't tell you, you saw it!

And no, if she can't just delete comments and not cry over them for hours, I'm sorry. She has no business writing fanfiction. I repeat, she has NO BUSINESS writing fanfiction.

I'm sorry but if you can't dislike someone's story without harassing them and bullying them for hours, I'm sorry, you have no business being online. I REPEAT, you have NO BUSINESS BEING ONLINE.

Yeah, her writing isn't exactly my favorite either, but guess what?? She can improve at writing!! You? You'll always be a sad, unwanted worthless shitty waste of egg and sperm.

I am not bullying the girl.

And I’m totally not typing this sentence online and posting it to a website called tumblr! 

I am criticizing her writing and her method of grabbing fans by lying to them, pandering to them, and forcing them to bend to her every will.

“This sucks delete your story!” isn’t criticizing, dumbass. 

Grabbing fans by lying to them and pandering them, and forcing them to bend to her will? I call bullshit on all of that! 

First let’s address the pandering accusation.  You have FANS, you write content the FANS WANT.  As a FANFIC AUTHOR, I mean that’s basically your job, its not pandering, its supply and demand. If that was true then everyone writing Stefano Valentini fanfic because people like Stefano are now fan panderers!

Also, how the fuck does she lie to them?????? I don’t fucking see it!! 

-She actually does write these in second person, signifying the READER is the one in it. (I dislike those stories a lot for obvious reasons, is that your beef with it too?)

-Its not in chronological order either

She’s not lying to them, and HOW is she fan-pandering if there ISN’T any fan pandering????? All I see is stuff SHE wants to write, and lemme guess its only “fan pandering” because of second person perspective?? That’s bullshit. 

Manipulation? I’ll believe it when I see it, bitch.

She is manipulative and dangerous. I would even advise you to stay away from her because you're giving in to her. That is all I'm gonna say.

“She is manipulative and dangerous, I would even advise you to stay away from her!” Cries the idiotic bully-bitch who’s been harassing the user over a STORY and claiming its for a “basement dweller” comment that she didn’t even write herself.  

Yeah, I’m TOTALLY gonna listen to a person who bullies others!! 

You’re the only manipulative and dangerous one here.  You said you didn’t care if she gets hurt, that she needs a bit of ‘real world’.  People like you are the ones who cause people to commit suicide, or cause those people to turn into murderers because they lost the value for their own lives as well as others, because believe it or not, SpaceUndies, your actions DO have consequences!! 

I only know this because I've known people like this.

Are you seriously fucking 12? You're not the only one who's dealt with people like this!

I've had internet access since late 2012, you honestly don't fucking thing I've encountered a lot of dangerous, manipulative people???????  I'm really good at picking out manipulative people based on several behavioral patterns I've observed in the ones I met (and including a guardian of mine who's warped me so badly as a child that I still am suffering from her actions to this day) and I can tell you FLAT OUT that, as far as I am seeing right now in front of me, the only manipulative bastard is you.

You're unhealthily obsessed with harassing people and claiming "uM SOMEONE ELSE CALLED MY FRIEND A BASEMENT DWELLER" and white-knighting because "I'm sticking up for a friend!"

I've dealt with enough useless wastes of human DNA like yourself to know which ones need to be kept away from the internet and other people, and you're one of them.

Ignoring the fact that Basement Dweller isn't even a viable insult to any degree and is in no way harmful, I can only imagine how much you fly off the loop when something a tad more different happens.

You're dangerous and you need to have your psych evaluated. First it starts with hurting people online, then real life bullying, an then you'll be kidnapping and murdering people for minor infractions.

They would threaten themselves and their own lives just to get attention. She is doing the same.

That is where I got you, bitch.

She never threatened her own safety, at all.  I just mentioned that-because if your stupid little incompetent ass bothered to read, I said she COULD do that, because that's what people with fragile mental health DO!  They're more prone to self harm and suicide due to BULLYING which you said she needed some of.

Also, this goes to prove how much of an idiotic bastard you are. 

"Hurr durr if someone I don't like is having issues and does say about self harm THEY FAKIN'!"

Guess what? Your friend SUPPOSEDLY has BPD.  I bet that every time they get on the verge of self harm THEY'RE FAKING. Do you think the same too, or are they somehow magically the exception??

 I would say get out while you still can. But hey, if you just think I'm a bitch for defending my BPD friend, so be it. At least she can change and adapt to life. Like I said, I don't protect because they ask me to. I do it because I want to.

You're a bitch because you're BULLYING someone! Sorry tootsie-pop but bullying is not the same as defending, NOT TO MENTION you're "defending" her from the WRONG PERSON.  You fucking ADMITTED that you saw everything and YOU ADMITTED you didn't care who sent that message! You're not even bullying her for the basement dweller comment, you're just bullying this girl because you hated the story.

Also what does your BPD friend have to do with it?? She didn't even come to you about this which shows she wasn't upset! Her BPD HAD NO PART IN THIS, you're just using that as a "HA HA GOTCHA" card against someone with another mental condition.   Because of your SHITTINESS towards symptoms and conditions and claiming "EVERYONE gets like that sometimes!" I actually, truly, honestly do believe your friend DOESN'T have BPD at all, you're just lying through your teeth, because otherwise you would have known about the whole "Mental illness symptoms are FAR DIFFERENT from regular mood stuff!"

Your friend can adapt and change in life?? What a coinky-dink, so can the author!! I mean she has to in order to survive with her condition, but that doesn't mean she HAS to put that guard up 24/7, ESPECIALLY online where most real world bullshit shouldn't have to happen.

Your logic never lines up and it doesn't make sense. You KNEW she had fragile mental health but you kept pushing her to the FUCKING BRINK because you could, like any other evil bastard who just wants to watch people suffer.

You don't care for your friend at all, judging from the above, you're only using her as a pathetic excuse. You just wanted a reason to hurt someone over a little story you personally hated. You don't care about other peoples' mental health, you truly don't care if blood is spilled over it because "They deserved it because SOMEONE DIFFERENT called my friend a meanie word that little kids use :( "

You never experienced online bullying, but for this alone and the fact you knowingly bullied someone with fragile mental health because "she deserved it", I hope you experience it.   I honestly do hope that, for as long as you continue being online, you get some "real world" from other people no matter what you do and what you say. I want you to go through as much bullshit as you put this girl through, and when you go to other people about your issues, they laugh in your face and tell you the same thing you've said above.

[goatsarepurplesometimes]

I haven’t learnt many things that I truely believe are wise enough to be valid to share with other people, but there’s one that I come back to quite frequently that seems to make my world work.

Today I’ve been feeling like I’m the off person in the group, you know the feeling, I’m sure we all do, where in interactions with friends or family or work, that you are the one that doesn’t really matter if you are there or not.

Not that you are worthless, just that your presence doesn’t really bring anything of value to the table, and it’s like you keep reaching out to do shit to try and resolve, but you might as well be screaming to the void or writing Facebook status’s that no one will read.

So why did I share that?

Especially when I do have the common thought that this is the equivalent of screaming to the void?

Well, it’s about just being fucking REAL with people in my opinion. Which I’m going to refer to as “fuckingreal.tm” from here on in this long post. I’m pretty sure everyone experiences this shit, I’m yet to be proven otherwise, because whenever I talk about this shit, people get it. At least some do.

Some are frankly horrified at the idea of having thoughts that are harmful and self destructive, but they are there for me.

But that’s part of it isn’t it?

Friendships, work relationships, relationships in general, at the end of the day we are all looking for people who understand the cut of our jib, empathise with us, and have similar thoughts and feelings.

So just be “fuckingreal.tm”. It’s definitely difficult at first to say in the middle of a uni meeting for a group project “hey, fuck, sorry I was 10 minutes late today, I was having a decent cry in the shower to attempt to stave off this constant existential dread I’ve been feeling at the moment, it tends to come frequently at the moment”, but once you do, people respond in one of two ways.

Either they go “wow holy shit, that’s dark as fuck, this guy is weird”, or they understand it, get where you are coming from, have maybe felt it themselves, and empathise.

The key to all worthwhile relationships I’ve learnt is to just be “fuckingreal.tm”. “I felt depressed as fuck last week, my bad, sorry for being absent, the deal is that sometimes my depression gets bad enough that I can’t control it and become emotionally distant.”

See that shit I wrote?

That’s radical honesty, making sure I lay every card on the damn table so everyone can see them and we can work with what everyone’s been dealt.

Because here’s the thing, I learnt this from a comedy cartoon in relation to dating years ago, and I realised it works just as much on any relationship. Friends, colleagues, whatever, if you can’t be fuckingreal.tm with the person you can’t reach a joint understanding of the game and win it together.

That’s what I consider being “fucking real” in my own words is about. It’s a lot easier for everyone to play a good game of poker when the cards are all face up on the table, and most importantly, it’s not even a game of poker.

It’s not a zero sum game where a winner necessitates a loser, it’s a game where being real gives people a true picture of you rather than assumptions.

And that goes for everything. Good or bad.

Every damn thought you have.

Being proud of my intelligence. Worrying about that slipping into ego, and occasionally it doing so. Being death gripped by the balls by depression for the last 10 years or so. My shame at being a smoker, the disgust I feel at it, the knowledge of being a flawed human who is often misanthropic, the fact I deal with ptsd and nightmares nearly daily and some days I’m scared of sleeping, dying from a heart attack due to a nightmare, or losing my grip on sanity and how hard it was to crawl out of the worst of shit.

My joy at rainstorms, a love of chaos controlled or not, an inability to enjoy my day without interaction with a four legged animal, my love of sweet foods and chasing my dads style of apple pie in the kitchen for years and getting close, an intractable obsession with intricacy and complex things, the need to build technical things and electronics, my want to make things that I love so that others can love those things too, knowing that I used to read a book a day but haven’t read a book in at least the past 5 years but I can recite some from memory, my love of tabletop games and strategy, my tendency to usually reach good answers in problem solving, being kind to possums to the point I can hand feed them and the fact that they are my favourite animal.

Every damn detail. Nothing locked up.

Good, bad, disgusting, ugly… whatever it is that makes you feel something, anything, as long as there’s a feeling there. If someone asks “how you doing” you be “fuckingreal.tm”.

The good ones are easy to be “fuckingreal.tm” about. They are things we post up all the time to make ourselves feel good and seem like an awesome human, but it won’t, and it doesn’t. What does make us feel good and become awesome is being understood, and that means ripping all your dirty, unclean, undesirable bullshit and throwing it on the table in front of you along with the good shit and saying “This is who I am. All of it. This is who I am, and I’ll be real about that.”

I think when people understand that shit, that’s when you’ve done something spectacular. Getting around those desires and impulses to hide your shit is definitely hard, but do you want people to like ‘you’ or ‘a representation of you that you have carefully curated to clean off the rough edges’?

I know which one I personally give a shit about, and the one that I actually want others to give a shit about. And hey, it’s not the sanitised one.

There’s definitely a certain subset of the population that this polarises rapidly against you, that get scared when you talk “fuckingreal.tm” about it. I’ve blown up relationships, friendships, ect from being real. I’ve lost a job for admitting mental health issues.

But you want to know the real kicker?

You gotta cull the weak. Weak relationships, weak friends, shit jobs… whatever it is, being “fuckingreal.tm” culls them out pretty quick.

The shit that makes you tick and makes you feel stuff, that’s the stuff that people need to come to terms with, and either tolerate or love.

None of the other bullshit that we put up in facades of magic mirrors, but the shit we can’t change, the shit we are working on, the shit we love about ourselves.

This isn’t a new thought from me. This is something that has been expressed by many people who are much smarter than I, in as many different ways.

But I call it “fuckingreal.tm” because it’s something that makes me tick, and I should own that, personalise it, and tell you why I do it.

And fuck it, why can’t you do it too? Is social anxiety and fear of being disliked part of your issue with being “fuckingreal.tm”?

Good! Let’s be “fuckingreal.tm” about that then!

Tell me you think I’m a loser? Fine! At least you are being “fuckingreal.tm” with me.

I got shit bottled up in my head here today, and I’m not too proud to admit it got to me. The little needles that sometimes poke around in my head were going a bit nuts. I have an incurable need to be understood by other humans as does everyone of you.

So just drop the act and be fuckingreal.tm about it.

Feel the freedom of saying what you mean, what you intend to do, or what you think.

The fear of judgment goes with time, and to be really fuckingreal.tm for a moment, being fuckingreal.tm is one of the only things that keeps me from not wanting to deal with shit anymore at times. If you’ve read this far, maybe it means something to you too.

And I mean it when I say this shit isn’t for just romantic interests. It’s for you in general, and for your outlook on life, and accepting and evolving who you are.

It’s made me a better person at least.

[bizarropurugly]

Dame’s Eating Problem(s)

okay so I’ve been wanting to make this post for like ever now but kept getting too tired to write it but basically this post is going to be a detail on my difficulties with eating and food

so tw for disordered eating, and food obviously, and vomiting too, and unsanitary stuff too, there might be ableist language, suicide and self harm, body image and/or dysphoria probably? I think that covers it

let’s get this show on the road below cut

So to start with, I have digestive issues, a tender mouth, sensitive teeth, and autism. This makes eating hard enough already. 

I am sensitive to grease, sugar, dairy, spiciness, and salt. Which kind of sucks because I actually need a lot of salt in my diet due to my vasovagal syncope and chronic low blood pressure, but it burns my mouth so brutally I swear I even bleed. Some other examples of problems I have would be eating a candy bar in one sitting makes my teeth ache, or fighting between puking and shitting myself to death over most fastfood because they use so much fucking grease. 

It’s very possible I have irritable bowel syndrome but I have hangups with getting any of that checked out, mostly that THAT particular area of my body, I am actually too shy and embarrassed over to want to risk any kind of... examination of it... haha... and with all my other problems it takes a back seat. 

Then there’s the autism, which is almost unpredictable in what will set off my gag reflex sometimes. I know for certain peanut butter*, mushrooms, and anything with legs (such as some shrimp and DEFINITELY any squid) are guaranteed triggers. 

(*Small amounts of peanut butter in things like packed candy bars or puppy chow are fine. Small amounts, though.)

And then sometimes I just get tired of eating something and will come close to puking on just the thought of eating it. This mostly happens with meat, potatoes, pastries, and whatever you’d consider shit like waffles and pancakes. Vegetables and fruits seem to be safe for the most part, but unfortunately they’re not very filling and their acidity / fructose content can trigger my OTHER digestive issues. 

I’m guessing it’s an autism thing because it’s primarily about the textures that I don’t want to feel when I get tired of a food, hence why it tends to be with... squishier, sometimes slimier stuff I guess.

Usually food intolerance comes from the fact I have very few options of “safe” food and eat the shit out of any I find, and ultimately make myself hate it temporarily from that being the only thing I ever eat. Sometimes, though, this is permanent, such as with peaches, pears, chili, goulash, pineapple, and at times beef stew specifically of the Dinty Moore line.

This is a backdrop for how my troubles began. I kind of ignored this, like, aggressively for a long time, particularly because of being abused by adults over it? I had no explanation and everyone thought I was being a picky brat - in fact being called picky was a trigger for me as a kid because it was always in such a brutally negative fashion that implied I was a lying spoiled piece of shit because I would shit my pants or throw up over some adult’s stupid fucking idea of “kid friendly” food like tacos and peanut butter sandwiches. 

So I just... didn’t eat. A lot. It got worse over time. I was so tired of fighting about food, and I was tired of not knowing what was going to hurt me, that I just straight up forewent eating, often. Very often.

By high school, I was probably only eating lunch twice a week. When I graduated high school I was down to like 95-98 pounds. 

But it wasn’t just that, actually. It got worse, if you can believe it! 

What this did was pave the way for me to get worse as my depression, anxiety, and other untreated mental illness took their toll on me in high school. Years of ignoring my hunger pangs / being used to them left me with no realization of just how bad my mental health was, because not eating was normalized to me.

It came to be that even when I had food that I liked and knew was safe, I couldn’t eat it. My body was completely rejecting anything I tried to eat. And I didn’t notice for a while because it “wasn’t” interfering with my life, because it was all par for the course. Starving was par for the course. Like, my mother worried about me moving out on my own because she knew I had to be pushed to eat, otherwise I’d go the whole day and not notice.

I can’t remember when I realized something wasn’t right. I do remember a particular moment in my favourite restaurant, which I didn’t get to go to often because we are poor and it’s a steak place, and I think it was my 18th or 19th birthday, and I had my most favourite things to eat in the world in front of me and... couldn’t eat it. 

In fact, I threw up for my hubris in trying to make myself eat it. 

And I started crying, because I was hungry, I was SO hungry, and this was my favourite food, and it wasn’t fucking cheap, but... I couldn’t eat it. My body wouldn’t let me, and on top of that, I fucking THREW UP on the table. I felt so ashamed and like a horrible person, because of course wait staff has to clean that up, and I was so weak and tired and just wanted to eat my fucking steak and go home... 

(This was when I learned to never, ever, EVER push it if I’m feeling this way lol)

And this kept going on, actually. The explanation was never found until I actually got help for my mental health, but only after urging from my best friend after confessing to them a suicide attempt.

I don’t remember how we went about trying to find the cause before I came in about depression. I remember that I was literally wasting away for like... 5 or so years. It wasn’t just the depression that made me fall asleep in class or in the halls between class. I was always cold, too, cold and weak, and could often be found wedged underneath a radiator at school. I got so small and tired and miserable. My mother says I dropped towards 80 pounds before I finally got help.

I kind of really hate it because I used to be strong, but I was beat down. It was beat out of me, verbally, emotionally. Bullies nobody did anything about, teachers proud of embarrassing me, everyone around me thinking I was obnoxious and retarded, having no actual friends. I used to be able to carry classmates twice my size and take down football players. Now I really am a sack of shit, now in a more literal sense. 

When I fell through the mire, I lost it all. The muscle and the wile and the flexibility. Started failing my classes, when I had previously been among academic elite. None of those kids thought I was smart enough for it either and couldn’t wait to position themselves as better than me when I literally fucking DYING, STARVING TO DEATH, TRYING TO KILL MYSELF.

....But that’s a tangent. Sorry. 

Anyway, once the problem was actually found, and I got put on medication, it was like magic. I could eat again!! I could seriously eat again and not be afraid of throwing up or wasting food or anything!! 

And by god, did I eat. 

A common side effect of psychiatric medication that they don’t seem to explain very well is that your appetite increases. In my case, where I was literally starving, that was like going from 0 to 100 overnight. And I get why it’s a side effect - difficulty eating is a very common symptom of depression and anxiety! - but nobody told me how intense it would be, let alone that I should be careful.

You know how you’re not supposed to feed a starving animal a full bowl of food right away or else they’ll make themselves terribly sick because they’re stupid as hell and will gobble it down in seconds?

Basically, that. I gobbled and gobbled and gobbled everything my fucking hands could snatch, even my not safe foods. Didn’t care that I was shitting my brains out because I could FINALLY EAT AGAIN. I was so excited to EAT AGAIN. 

Well, by starving myself, I had completely destroyed my metabolism. Experts have said it over and over again, starving puts your body in panic mode, and it relegates everything to storage. 

So now I’m fat. I eat the same as I did before the troubles really got going, but because I went through several years of NOT eating, I have completely fucking screwed my body up. I’m fat, fat as hell. 

And I’m pretty sure it’s not my “normal” weight because when I finally sit up out of the fucking mire and get to exercising and eating on a normal schedule, I lose weight, or at least change fat to muscle pretty easily. 

But I’m wracked with stress and little to no feeling of control on my life. My mental health is spiraling again and I’m not eating, let alone eating right, again, and certainly I don’t have the energy to properly exercise myself. 

Back when I first started my job things were better and I was excited because I was losing weight and feeling a little healthier because I was on a regular schedule, but now...

My executive dysfunction is also being a fucking pain in the ass because it keeps waving a metaphorical to-do list in my face and saying, “No!! you can’t exercise now!! look at all this stuff you need to do!! you have so many things to do!! there’s so many things and they need to be done and you can’t do anything ever without doing all the things right now!!”

The consequences are worse now, though. I have to actually drive and be at work and be an adult, which takes a LOT of my energy, and if I don’t eat? I pass out. More vasovagal syncope bullshit combined with the chronic low blood pressure. It was one thing falling asleep in high school, but now I have much more I need to do in a given day thanks to life being, you know, life.

Sunshine and One Eye keep me from letting myself wither, right now. I have to have a job and go to it in order to take care of them. If I didn’t have them, I’d probably quit my job and move back in with my parents and basically fade away. 

Sometimes it’s a curse because I really, really don’t want to live, I don’t want to sustain myself. I’m... really fucking tired, I am beyond tired. 

And I have to force myself to eat, but it’s rarely anything worthwhile anymore. It’s almost always snack food because it’s just so hard to eat anything right now, let alone something fulfilling. It takes me months to go through a bag of pretzels or something because I’m so unwilling to eat. I don’t even buy actual food now, no butter or bread or soup or meat, because I’m so unwilling to eat that it ends up expiring without ever being used. I cleared out my freezer recently and had food in there that expired in 2015. The only thing my fridge has is juice, soda, and milk for cereal for breakfast (the only dairy I’ll be able to eat for the next 12-24 hours unless I’m feeling less sore for once and want an ice cream cone lol). 

So. Uhhh.. I guess that’s it. That’s my problem. Ruined metabolism brought on by starving because depression which was easy to do because I fucked up my eating instincts from a childhood of Angry Stomach vs Angry Adults, and now I’m heading right back in that direction again. 

And I fucking hate it because all my life I’ve been skinny but strong-ish and smol but now I’m just a weakling blob and none of my favourite clothes fit.

[tony-is-writing-today-blog]

Letter To Anna

this was a writing piece i did as some venting a few weeks back. i have not written anything in first person in, uh, a few years, so this was a bit of a challenge to get back to. it’s got some rough themes to it, so please be aware of this. 

((cw: discussions of r*pe, self harm, addiction, self destructive tendencies, sexual themes, drug use))

A Letter To Anna

Dear Anna, 

My therapist told me to write this letter to you as a way to “unload” my problems, a way to try and “identify” the root of my struggles, find some sort of “closure” between us, or some other bullshit like that. I figured that for maybe just a second I could stop being an asshole and listen to her for once.

So, hi Anna.

I’m an addict.

I really hate thinking about myself like that, but it’s true.

I am an addict. 

I have an obsessive personality. 

Since I was a child, I would become hyper-fixated on certain subjects or some work of fiction to let my mind escape from everything else that supposedly mattered. When I got older, I found it addicting to be an asshole to people—mostly breaking the hearts of those closest to me. After some of that nonsense, I got addicted to alcohol, which, as it turns out, is a bit more serious than any of the things I listed above.

(It might sound bad, but the reality is that I truly don’t care about that addiction.)

(Why?)

(Because I don’t care about what happens to me.)

Following my on going sinful love affair with the devil’s poison, I did something foolishly impulsive one night and made a small one inch cut on my forearm. At first, I was shocked at what I had just done, not really knowing what came over me. 

But in reality, when I try to think back to the first time I cut myself, I don’t remember much. 

I must have been too drunk.

What I do remember of the aftermath: I was at school with a cruel hangover and wearing my NYU sweater even though it was a typical scorching hot Floridian day. I hid because I was horrified at what insanity I had done to my body. My 17-year-old self was already perpetually miserable at the thought of simply being alive and having to go to a school I hated, but now I had to attempt to hide my dramatics from everyone when I was already paranoid enough that the world hated me. 

(Junior and senior year of high school were my infamous debut years as an enormous disappointment to my family and friends.)

Just when I got into the real groove of things (drinking like it was my favorite hobby, because it was), my mother caught me with alcohol (I’m not going to elaborate further on the incident), and I got thrown back into therapy. It helped a bit with trying to figure out how to stop being such a gigantic fucking heartless asshole to the people I loved, but not much with my addictions.

When my therapist would ask about self-harming or drinking, I would immediately become furious.

My most iconic moments in therapy were when he asked me why I was cutting and I stayed silent for the full hour session. He would say, “Look at me,” and I would shoot the most loathing glare I could muster. The other moment was when I showed up to a session already fabulously drunk and almost fell asleep on the couch in his office. I distinctly remember telling him to Fuck Off. 

(I think I had a bad day at school.)

I was sober for almost a little bit over a year, but by no means was I happy. I began to cut more to compensate for the lack of alcohol and to try and calm the withdrawal effects of going cold turkey (and it didn’t really work). 

My depression got worse, but then I was having a weird few days or around a week where I would feel like I was on top of the world, ready to conquer everything and do the absolute best I could because nothing could stop me. Then, I would crash into the lowest of lows I had ever experienced. I learned to live with the self-harm, the very High Highs and the very Low Lows, the failing grades that did not reflect my actual intelligence, and calmly enjoying the new scars on my skin.

For a little while, I became addicted to toxic relationships. I thought that being emotionally abused was normal and that consent was irrelevant because all that mattered was my boyfriend getting pleasure and I had to lie there and take it, even if I said no. I accepted it as a punishment to myself for past sins I committed against others.

My therapist doesn’t think that’s a good way to look at rape. 

Even through all that, by some God given miracle, I actually managed to graduate high school. The only memorable thing about graduation was the overwhelming relief knowing that I would never have to step foot on my high school campus ever again if I didn’t want to. Graduation day was special to me only because I could finally fucking leave.

June 26th, 2015: I cut my hair short, losing about 8 ½ inches. When I almost finished my hair appointment, I got a text that read something like, “IT’S LEGAL!!! EQUAL MARRIAGE IS LEGAL!!!!” I cried a little bit, to be quite honest. I was also incredibly pleased that I looked like Janet van Dyne with my new hairstyle. 

When I got to college, self-harm was a friend I had a shamefully intimate friendship with. However, when I started smoking weed, that need to feel pain and see myself wounded abated a bit and the craving for alcohol was lost in the back of my mind. Marijuana, however, never became an addiction. It was like a blanket tucking two toxic lovers to sleep for a little while until they inevitably woke up to abuse each other once more. The difference between falling after the marijuana was that I felt like I had to justify my use to those around me because no one understood that this was the best alternative I had access to. 

I once fell into a Low when I was high. 

Being the good college student that I am, the setting was during a party in a friend of a friend’s dorm. I went to smoke with a friend beforehand because I knew there was going to be alcohol and I didn’t want the craving to ruin my night. See, my friends know I’m an alcoholic (months upon months of being sober at the time) and so if I had consumed alcohol, I felt like they’d just get front row seats to my own destruction. However, at the party when I was in the middle of feeling pretty good, all my friends were drinking around me. The host was making mixed drinks and everyone kept complimenting him on how good the drinks were. The craving was crawling up my back and I could feel it. I was able to not think about it too hard until my friend (sitting on my right) said, “These drinks are so good!” Then he paused. “Oh, shit, I forgot you can’t have any.”

I froze, but I managed to nod and give him a forced smile, but words were stuck in my throat. I stayed quiet after that while everyone else was socializing and enjoying the loud music. I suddenly felt like I was in a box and the air supply was running out. There was a mix of fury, embarrassment, helplessness, and panic running through my veins.

My other friend (sitting on my left), who was gradually getting more and more drunk as the minutes ticked by, turned to ask me, “Are you okay?” 

That’s when I noticed that I had been staring at my hands for a long solid minute and she snapped me out of my thoughts. I smiled stiffly and said I was fine. “I think I’m going to go smoke again,” I told her. “You know, to get away.”

She nodded in understanding. “I’ll be here when you get back.”

For the rest of the night, I had the begging intrusive thought of punching my friend in the face to steal his drink. I felt awful. I didn’t want to hurt anyone. I love my friends. 

That one instance, those few words, made me spiral into a very Low Low for almost a week. 

He apologized later on.

I forgave him, but I felt sick.

I hurt myself afterwards.

When it comes down to cutting back on marijuana, it isn’t difficult at all. I wanted to smoke because it’s fun, but in no way does it feel like an addiction. Not drinking is harder because the way disgustingly cheap rum and coke goes down my throat is horribly satisfying. There are two things that I could give up completely and that would be marijuana and alcohol. Do I want to give those two up? Jury’s still out on that, but they for sure want to keep the marijuana. 

(Anna, don’t give up marijuana.)

I remember once during psychology class, we were told a story about this severely suicidal girl in a mental hospital who had a ton of scars. She was desperately trying to hurt herself in the hospital, even resorting to trying to cut herself with a plastic knife. When we were told the story, my classmates laughed at her apparent foolishness and I laughed as an imitative reaction, but my heart hurt. There was something killing me in the back of my mind. 

It was the word C R A Z Y .

It’s been three years and I still think about the girl in that story and wonder how that ended up being me. 

It’s been three years and I have not been able to go one full month, not even a solid three weeks, without self-harming.

For a very long time, I never considered it to be something like, “It’s to take the pain away,” and then cry about it because I thought that was dramatic (I was very mistaken back then). I only wanted to hurt myself so that I could have a lasting effect on my body, like a scar. I enjoyed seeing my body wounded, which apparently is also not a normal thing. I thought that was the only reason. I just wanted to look like I went through a fucking battlefield. Of course, my bitch-ass teenage self was wrong, as per usual.

“You hurt yourself to numb painful emotions that you might be feeling.”

I hate people telling me what they think they know about me. 

“These are some techniques to help you.”

I hate people telling me what to do.

“Put some ice on your skin—“

I hate people.

“You have to listen—“

Who gave you the right to even look at me?

I never understood why everyone seemed to care so much about me. I never understood why people would go out of their way to try and make me happy. Didn’t they know that I am never going to be happy? Why did everyone care so goddamn much? That’s disgusting. I don’t fucking comprehend how anyone could hold that kind of love for me. 

People loving me?

[Insert SURE_JAN.gif here]

Anyway, Anna…let’s get back to why I’m really here writing you this letter.

Since I got so wonderfully off topic with some unnecessary woes, I realized that trying to quit alcohol is nothing compared to trying to quit self-harming. I have an addiction, a straight up obsession, with seeing my body ruined. It’s a warm curling strange sick satisfaction to see blood trickling down my arms and thighs. When I am at my Low Lows, there is nothing more that I want to see than new scars being carved into my skin.

People do notice, though, and it’s incredibly annoying to say the least. They ask questions, as if it’s any of their business. They even find the nerve to touch me in the middle of their inquiry to emphasize their “concern” and curiosity. 

What the fuck do they expect me to say? Do they expect me to sing out a wonderful, “Ah, yes, Karen. These are but silly little scars I gave myself whilst in the middle of contemplating death and its permanently eternal benefits. I’d appreciate it if you didn’t put those disgusting sausages you like to call fingers on me, or I’ll have them detached from your palm.” 

If anyone thinks I have a kind personality, they need to be directed to the nearest psychologist. 

Friends notice the scars, but know better than to address them directly. They look upon my body with small twinges of pity.

Lovers, however, are another issue entirely. They don’t point out scars, but I now have a problem having sex in general.

(Anna, don’t be a prude, now. Sex is a natural part of life. We can talk about sex with each other. I know sex is a difficult topic for you, but sex is important.)

When I was a teenager, sex used to be liberating. Sexual activity used to be fun and happy and adventurous. Anna, I’m sure you remember that time I was once called a “nerdy version of a slut” by some of the girls in my class. That was a very proud title for me because I was proud of who I was and what I looked like. I used to be so ready and so free. 

Now, I can’t even remember the last time I enjoyed anything relating to sex.

I’ve had to take things step by step with lovers just so I could be relaxed enough to even get halfway to an orgasm. I cannot express enough how grateful I am for marijuana, Anna, because that shit really helps you calm down just enough to let your mind feel your body. 

But it’s step by step.

I guess being raped does put a real dampener on things, huh?

Self-harm is an addiction like no other. It’s one that shows plainly for the world to see if you can’t hide it correctly. When people see it, they don’t think, “Oh no, poor you!” they think, “Why are you not in an insane asylum?”

People never look at you the same way. You are now eternally damaged goods. 

I think I figured out that my biggest addiction, above everything else, is that I am addicted to making myself miserable and being miserable.

Anna, it’s really hard just being alive. It honestly sucks and I used to think that it sucked all the time without any sort of possible happiness on the horizon. For a long fucking time, a horizon didn’t even exist for me. I thought I was going to be stuck in the same cycle of turmoil for the rest of my life, which I thought was going to be very short. I always saw myself being hospitalized because my bipolar mind was going to do something so drastic on my Low Lows, or I’d just never even make it out alive. I thought that I’d be stuck dragging myself through every single day, experiencing new hardships, repressing traumas, disassociating and not remembering what I was doing or what I was feeling just an hour ago and being so damn afraid and confused. I thought that my manic episodes were going to wring out every last bit of energy that I had in me. I didn’t even think I was going to make it past 18.

But listen, Anna…

I’m 20 now and I’m still very much alive. Am I happy? I’m trying to be. Am I still drinking? Sometimes, yeah I do. Am I still cutting? Yes, at least twice a week. Do I still disassociate? More often than I want to, and God I wish I had control over that shit because it’s a goddamn nightmare. Am I still having issues with sex? Dude, I can’t even hold hands with someone without thinking, “Human contact is absolutely fucking abhorrent.”

I was really focused on the negative aspects of myself before and I never looked at all the good things. So, I’ll list some good things about my life and me.

I’m a good cook. I am a singer and I can dance like a motherfucker in 6-inch heels. I get constantly complimented on how great my eyeliner is. I have a cat named Lemonade and I’m a great cat mom. I can speak three languages fluently and I’m proficient in two other languages. I know how to use a gun and last weekend at the shooting range, I hit the middle of the target three times in a row and then got some ice cream after to celebrate. I know Tolkien lore better than anyone else I’ve ever met in person or online. I know every single opening and ending theme song of every single anime I’ve ever watched (I’m talking full versions of the songs). My hair is long again, so when I braid it I look like Katniss Everdeen (the real Katniss from the shitty books—you know, the Katniss who isn’t white) (God, the Hunger Games trilogy is so shitty). I’m a fucking boss at yoga. I’m a great photographer. I have a great ass. I have great legs (and my girlfriend told me two days ago that she wanted me to crush her with my thighs, so I’ll just add that here). I won a cosplay contest three months ago and I had never felt such incredible nerdy pride in my whole life. My eyebrows are iconic and I don’t even have to do anything to them to make them look good. My eyes are really pretty. I can list every single language in the Indo-European and Altaic language trees. I’ve read the entirety of Das Kapital without falling asleep once and I’m still not sure how I achieved that feat. I volunteer at a children’s hospital and I love working with kids. I’m a debate state champion. I can make the best fruitcake known to man. I’m starting to slowly, very slowly, learn how to love myself.

It’s not easy, Anna. I still don’t understand how or why I have friends and why they stay. I don’t know why my family bothers with me. I don’t really understand why I’m still alive, but the fact of the matter is that I am alive and I have to try and figure out what I’m going to do with my time. I accept that I’m probably going to be on meds for the rest of my life and going to therapy indefinitely and that’s alright. I’m still going to have manic episodes and depressive episodes, but I’ll eventually learn how to work through them and that is also alright. I’m learning a lot of things about myself that I had never considered before. It’s hard, Anna. It’s really really hard, but I’m starting to think that it might be worth it. 

I know we’re not the best of friends and we haven’t been for many years. I’m willing to rekindle the positive relationship we had when we were children. I want to try and understand you again, Anna, and see where our future takes us. I want you to accept me as I’m trying my best to accept you. 

Writing this letter was really fucking hard, Anna. I hate admitting to my faults. I hate admitting that there are things that are wrong with me. I hate admitting that we almost completely lost each other because of everything I was suffering through.

I don’t think I’m ready to say, “I love you, Anna.”

I think I need more time for love, but I will get there one day. I hope that you will meet me halfway.

And Anna… 

Remember to smile.

From your best and worst friend,

Anna Leesman 

[datingadvice3-blog]

Internet dating While Damaged

Dating Advice

Who harm you and why may not you let it move? Your own personal childhood wasn’t best, the amount pity do you actually need to move forwards from this? Your first time period loving an individual ended using betrayal, the amount of anger and also regret ought to build upwards before you get around it? No-one appreciates precisely what you do for these people, the amount of times do a person need to keep aiming that out before an individual has stopped being unselfish? 9 away of 15 people are generally never going to adjust these are definately just going to be able to complain. Damage feels similar to armor at first, this keeps you safe, however it’s actually a competition that stunts you mentally and poisons every selection you make. You adore being small, you enjoy bringing up the previous, you adore having an approach, you will get off on reminding folks about all anyone do on their behalf, and you actually really love shifting be responsible for your mediocre life on someone else. That’s your current risk-free place-reminding people this nothing is your own personal failing because being a sufferer feels better than the particular entry that you have got no idea of the way to accomplish better.

Dating Advice

Let’s establish what is needed to be ruined. I’m talking about those which have been traumatized through people or events, and as a result of seeking to are available to side handles with individuals things, they keep on seeing that if nothing is inappropriate. Ignorantly allowing those pains for you to fester, spread, along with transform them into some sort of shell of these former do it yourself. All of this takes place in silence, it’s a new form of depressive disorder that will works under the area and then roars its unpleasant brain the moment many people try to hook up, rely on, or love man. An individual don’t want you to definitely change back around and damage you after you’ve previously explained your pain, therefore you settle into this tiny bubble where you continue to be safeguarded and miserable. My spouse and i make certain that more than one half the people reading this particular fake they’re not irritated in public places then cry in their pillow wedge in privately owned. It’s the perfect time to talk concerning these mental troubles as an alternative of faking like everybody is so tough well gather.

Let’s do a directory: Anyone complain about shit from your past that a person can’t modify. You keep yourself having whatever idiotic ass report that’s taking over social media. You actually self-medicate with shopping, medications, as well as drink. You in order to always be over everything in addition to everybody…but that doesn’t stop an individual from enabling the similar types of people in which harmed you before proper back in your life to injure you once more. One moment you’re blessed as well as very favored, the next morning prepared to crying about exactly how things will not work out there for you. Now boost the comfort. You’re not random, you are depressed and have absolutely no idea showing how to move those warm and cool moments. Lifestyle forges anyone like fucking iron, definitely not so you can possibly be hard and also cold, yet so you can slice through the bullshit. But, life’s lessons are shed you as you recycling exes, love obvious liars, let sketchy family along with friends continue to change you actually, and point typically the ring finger outward instead regarding dusting your personal weak butt off in addition to taking the stand! This galaxy is usually built to help people that support themselves as well as the first principle involving ascending is would not assume another human that can be played good. The reason why I will therefore loud has nothing at all to do with us and also everything to complete with you all. To view an intelligent woman create a foolish decision through a dick this is not even hers would be a waste. To be able to see a stand-up person convert towards misogynistic landscapes since he can’t bargain with any woman’s knock back is a waste. Everybody have the potential to help be happy and in order to go above your past, nevertheless you preserve slipping back again into the hokum mainly because you’re afraid to genuinely do the job on yourself.

Just simply because youre damaged doesn’t necessarily mean you’re shattered. If you happen to be single it feels unattainable when you realize which for anyone to like a person they will have to be able to discover you, and any time your earlier is stuffed with mistakes you ponder who would want that will. Should you be in a romance that’s battling it can feel as if the merely alternative is to place up with it due to the fact who else would take you in your existing point out except the demon you know. Cease giving into negativity along with gain back faith in your self. Right now there is nothing wrong along with you that is not repaired over time and simply no injury that can’t become healed together with self-love. Lifetime may not get offered you the results you're expecting, but that does not necessarily imply your story can not alter overnight. Don’t claim “I deserve better” suggest that shit! If an individual lie to oneself extended enough, being comfortable starts off to feel the identical as being happy-but it is not real. Can you genuinely love yourself as well as anyone just stuck in some sort of physique living a living that you simply can’t change thus you put up? Laugh from celebrities since that tends to make you forget about your own personal flaws. Get enraged with regards to politics because that aids you actually channel your individual self-hatred someplace else. Plop your own ass facing a display and watch a new TV SET show, because watching hype helps you numb your current information. Here’s an idea… As an alternative to avoiding all your own personal issues we need to lift in which rug wherever you’ve invisible all the things prepared to ashamed of, and commence for you to glue your existence back together. Nowadays My partner and i want to talk in relation to rebuilding if you cannot build with yourself how will you ever convince another individual to construct with you? So used to The Same Sort

“Why are men usually lying about dumb shit? ” Um, why perform you always talk to help men that continually lay in the first put? I discover a routine with girls (don’t get worried we’ll be able to the guys below) when they make a complaint about Fuck Boys, these people talk around the actual trouble. A girl would likely rather question the reason why the man acts the method this individual acts then query exactly why she’s attracted in order to a man this persistently acts in that shagged up manner. If We have a very cat that scuff marks with me every time frame I head to pet that, I’m removing the banging cat, not really psychoanalyzing precisely why it’s as an asshole. Broken women usually are attracted to be able to flawed men like staying emotionally unavailable is definitely Imperfección Root. The central connected with this attraction, from often the men and women I’ve studied, is actually that a lady feels which if she performs tricky to understand why any man snacks her including shit, he’ll repay that will compassion performing the exact same investigation into your ex difficulties. Let’s keep it genuine, you would like you had anyone who was fearless plenty of to sit a person decrease and ask why you are hurting. You wish some sort of man cared for enough for you to try and understand in addition to fix you, so an individual serve all this like into their difficulties in hopes it’s reciprocated…but the idea never ever is. You waste material most your time and electricity on a dude in which either runs away from using another girl or even will be content to have anyone waiting around until he or she chooses if he needs far more. You rebuild a new man for bitch, guaranteeing that he today is aware of how to now be considered a good boyfriend, meanwhile whoever left to rebuild you actually? This leaves you jammed crying about how excellent you had been to someone here is away being Mr. Excellent for their next lady. When you get the strength to finally move ahead as well as try to love after more, suppose who becomes your beaver throbbing up coming? The same sort of guy!

How can you port regarding needing a “Russell Milson Type” when all those style of men don’t also get your erect nipples difficult? Look at the continue several guys you actually liked, I actually bet a person they all acquired considerably more in common than certainly not. Glance at the last four folks an individual didn’t feel biochemistry and biology having, I bet they will had all their shit along emotionally. He has corny, he has a dork, it’s merely something about him or her. Yep, that something is referred to as, “Being too secure. ” Dating someone that possesses their shit together solely points out precisely how significantly behind your own a lot more. Have you ever found a young person be provided with a job above a older particular person? They latest them on top but what is really taking place is this they resent themselves with regard to still being their time rather than as far along-it’s the same with damaged persons seeking to date a man or woman who isn’t inferior, the constant self-loathing reminder! The straightforward fix is to follow somebody who will allow anyone to play make feel, someone either worse down than you or which needs correcting. That shit never is effective, and youre left bogged down along with someone else’s problems when yours raise and develop.

Another part of this banged up mind puzzle is usually the want to confirm and validate your prior through the men associated with your current. Damaged women of all ages are consistently chasing the actual ex that will hurt these individuals or the person in which rejected them mainly because by conquering a man such as her shitty boyfriend or perhaps absentee father she can establish to herself that the item was not her-it was the pup. The situation becomes that if you pick adult men together with those traits, you happen to be passing up over the clear screwing message of-stay away by adult males like that you actually idiot! Your personal head’s tough and your muschi is definitely moist, so you turn out riding the dick of your guy that pushes a person away and pulls an individual back in only to help push anyone away yet again, and you finally end up contacting that “true love”. You are not dumb, you realize these types of things, you just deny to elegantly communicate them. A person see a guy about Instagram that has the particular same not smart ass curly hair cut as your ex from two years before, so you automatically like your pet to get a reason you do not tie up together. You get to a club and also flirt with a gentleman that has the very same smart-ass love of life as typically the guy that shagged you actually and never called a person again, and you immediately sense a spark regarding a purpose you rarely tie with each other. Get often the picture yet? Youre not necessarily woke to your unique harmful attractions, you’re sleep walking via life because an individual refuse to confess anyone have a problem picking males. Your hormones tend to be closed onto those using a high potential for shitting on you, but whenever somebody asks why prepared to individual you respond having some simple bitch saying like: Due to the fact boys pull! No, precious, the guys you make an effort to turn in to men suck since you also just as suck. You separation, pin the consequence on the guy intended for working the way guys just like him act, and subsequently dash back on the actual market to continue this action. Pump your arrives! Quit dating for a second. Stop taking phone amounts. End responding to DMs. Understand what you are going after after because it’s definitely not male love. You’re motivated by the lack regarding self-love associated with something this hurt you in the years as a child or adolescence and this requires to be healed just before you start courting all over again. Assuming Everyone Wants to learn You

Another type involving damaged female is the particular one that is extremely cautious and full connected with mindset. I get e-mail coming from a handful of females that will run-down any normal date then constantly end it with, “So what do you feel? He’s looking to play my family, right? ” You would like someone to co-sign your personal paranoia because you’re deathly afraid of going by means of heartbreak again. You caint spend lifestyle in some sort of shell! Men desire pussy-who doesn’t know that? Must men not want in order to bang you? A portion of falling for a new girl is first becoming sexually drawn to her, you actually can’t get one minus the other, and anyone which attempts to blow smoke right up your bum about just how he fell in really like along with your mind first is actually laying. Kill all this specific noise concerning not seeking a man that will objectifies you and needing a person that’s “just the friend” because you sound naïve. I get it, any man directed you with then droped back. A new boyfriend separated with a person after he received all of the benefits of your own unselfish behavior. A man who explained he was not like the sleep dealt with you just like typically the remainder, and you’re unwell of moaping over guys. You think the perfect solution is will be to throw on your current Ferocious mask, turn Cardi C up, and stay a life in which screw these men before that they fuck you-but you’re not really built like that, cupcake. You imagine the solution is usually to avoid online dating, emphasis on work or institution, and buy a circumstance of batteries-but you even now lust for adore, princess or queen. If you sit your game for fear associated with getting injured how numerous championships think you’ll earn? People are underhanded along with devious but you may not tell me that any kind of women that’s read often the majority of this amazing site or maybe any of my ebooks can’t outwit a participant as well as see through some sort of mindfuck in the week or even less? Getting damaged certainly is not just about benefits negative behavior or odd frame of mind, it’s also with regards to currently being so stuck with your dread that you refuse to be able to supply anyone a possibility. You have no to consult me, your friends, or perhaps google if someone is definitely out to have you-assume many people are, but enter into challenge knowing that you’re a new fucking Spartan, and zero penis tactics formed in opposition to you should penetrate your intellectual battle suits! Chasing After Denial

The saddest sign in which a woman should carry out self-healing and rise your girlfriend inner Spartan is actually while she chases after having a male that’s making it very clear he doesn’t want the girl. At least twice the week My spouse and i get questioned, “Do you imagine he enjoys me, ” then offered with evidence the place where a lady should already know this they doesn’t. The internet dating period is complicated, this utilizes signs and presumptions. It is possible to text all full week with an individual or head out out on a longer date and feel because if these people get an individual, then the next 1 week they will switch up upon you, departing you mixed up. I’ve included in deplete how individuals put in fronts during the vacation stage of getting for you to know someone and which only through bit of may you truly be positive of your agenda. Still, any time youre hurting and shopping for a messiah with the form of any lover, it’s challenging to view the writing on the actual wall structure. You’re expecting the dog never to call you following sex-but he does similar to nothing has evolved only to help fall back just before sexual again. He goes out and about on three dates, anyone don’t have sex, in addition to he appears to be he prefers you a lot more than you actually like him-but he / she comes back. Everything is certainly going great, you think this will be gonna be official-but this individual halts texting you along with the similar enthusiasm as well as he doesn’t help to make strategies to see you since he once did. Speak about confusing! All of these kinds of rules a person try in order to follow get converted potential down, and you seldom know the reason this helps to keep happening to you. In place of accepting that his decreasing back is proof regarding incompatibility, you try to be able to win him or her back and also that’s where you destroy your life.

A gentleman will refuse you within such a subtle still obvious way that each a part of you will turn down to accept that. Often the ego hates being humbled so it reaches for the excuse that will help make the being rejected sting fewer. You want to understand how men think. You need to backtrack to find what could have removed wrong. You want for you to stalk his or her social mass media to see if he or she located someone else. An individual want to text the pup paragraphs asking what an individual does wrong. You wish to call along with declare, “Fuck you, clown! Anyone ain’t all that at any rate! ” These thoughts contest through your head, although the truth is anyone only want someone to help like you or maybe provide you another chance in order to demonstrate that you are usually likable. When you include experienced various men plummeting backside multiple times, each and every new denial reminds you actually that you are not what exactly guys are looking to get. It may be not just 1 or two men-every guy that has gotten to be able to know a person has proven that. Even when that they come back trying for you to talk to an individual once again, it ends the identical way, and so the victory involving “they often come again, ” is worthless. These niggas didn’t returning simply because they felt as when you were being special, many people are either fed up as well as gaming. What affects much more, a man that comes home and plays you or even going out and appointment the latest guy that will not live up to the potential? You all would like the comfort of that will old thing however you are unsuccessful to notice that simply by being continuously rejected by simply a person that is aware you intimately it will a lot more damage. How several times can you let your pet come over late at nighttime for a talk in which grows into his face in between your thighs? How a lot of times are you planning to disengage him wanting the hoke he scrolls you is usually any diverse from the last period? How many times are generally you going to to leave someone keep sampling you merely to remind you this you’re not good ample?

“Stop going after men which don’t daft want anyone! ”

rapid shit ladies who don’t get their own own advice tweet every single day.

Knowing how males assume would not make one consider you actually back. Texting some sort of man grammatical construction on leading of paragraphs about your own personal thoughts won’t make the dog reevaluate you as the particular wifey style. Unfollowing a new man on social media marketing will not end up to make him get in touch with a person. Posting a meme in relation to “They always desire an individual after you find somebody else, ” will not motivate embarrassment. Going to proceed fuck your ex lover or a number of random that happens to help continue to serve us won’t send the message that will he’s absent out. If a person desires you, he should go dead to get anyone! There doesn’t must be outside the house pressure or blackmail in order to make him see you actually so it you as specific! They either does or perhaps they doesn’t. If he has certainly not showing love, he has not necessarily feeling love-it’s just simply that basic!

How the idea feels when we usually are in to a woman: She does not must text you 1st, you touch base whenever she has on your mind. Even though you’re busy, you come across a chance to see her. You actually give with out expecting everything in return. A person would not reach out exclusively in the evening when you want arschfotze. You do not leave issues unsaid once you know she has upset for almost any reason. An individual don’t have the woman thinking what you are, a person open up and tell her she’s yours!

Anyone can’t check out any connected with those things off your personal checklist because the adult men you’re moping and crying about rarely fucking need you. However, you enjoy yourself by means of continuing to talk until he has forced as a solution. If in addition to when he does respond exactly what happens next? A man’s lies are as solid as fentanyl in typically the hearing of a poor woman. He / she calms an individual down along with a “sorry” or maybe a lame justification while to why he’s recently been performing that way. You actually forgive him or her, let the pup back in for seeing that long as he has uninterested or on bust through the life he will somewhat be living, in that case he brings the exact same trick. He forced anyone away because he / she did not want you the approach you wanted him, you actually pulled him back when you hated to be turned down, have you think in which was going to final? Reaching back out as well as staying receptive to a person reaching out once more does not necessarily prove shit nevertheless the occurrence of boredom or even horniness. “My friend got in together with this guy that had been doing offers, now they possess a kid collectively as well as are happy, ” will become, “Remember my friend, your ex infant daddy broke upward with her the other point is lady, why are guys and so fucked up! ” A person really told me this all the things I could accomplish is chuckle. Of program he left your girlfriend due to the fact she forced any romantic relationship on a man which didn’t want her. It takes place everyday and dudes will usually find an escape option since no one would like to stay with some sort of Placeholder! You’re so destroyed and desperate that an individual reject this truth inside favor of often the plot that he manipulated anyone. No Basica, the leather fell to the surface and also slithered away, you actually jogged through the turf looking for the actual fish because you don’t have got some other options, and this individual bit your own ass. Rarely be nasty, be a great deal better! Your insecurities produced a person fall for the kind of remedy that a new more powerful woman could have never put up using, so what isolates your current gullibility from the girl intelligence? Stop Pushing Folks Out:

The moment a male is intending to pour accurate sincere love into the damaged female that isnt used to anyone definitely not having a malicious goal, she runs. A good deal of the adult males looking at this know exactly just what We are talking about mainly because it’s one of the most frustrating issue a guy can easily cope with-being genuine however possessing your motives questioned or perhaps rejected. One of the particular hardest stuff I discover for women to hold is definitely the notion that it may be okay to let move in the hurt and obtain enjoy. They’re used to be able to being tricked, so jogging becomes a security device.

The Ballad associated with Milliseconds. ChooChoo: A woman the moment came to me faking just like she couldn’t locate like because all typically the men she's dealt having end up having all these toxic secrets. She went down all these recent romantic relationships to prove the woman level. Attached a photo of himself to show that physically the woman has been a 10. It ended up being almost similar to a serial murderer begging for being exposed. Days later we all finally carressed on her previous partner who “was generally hectic with work” along with the girl revealed that it did not ending quite how the lady informed me in her first electronic mail. He was stressful with function, and this lady used that will to rationalize talking to additional males even though they ended up in a very relationship. She opened up in which she sent any bare to one person. They had taken a break up, but he consented to hold it going because he or she loved her. She adopted that forgiveness by accusing him of sleeping having a co-worker. That wasn’t correct and again she apologized and they kept often the relationship intending. The future incident was if the woman went out with many close friends, meets a dude, then ultimately ends up back on his location for love-making. This was not an former mate or a gentleman the girl had been texting, this is a random stranger who have happened to be in the event the lady joined. I’m reading this email address thinking this was the actual final hay, but your ex confession maintained going… The lady ends up using a threesome with that same man and one of his / her friends-twice! She keeps this kind of for you to herself for precisely what I assume seemed to be weeks and only tells your girlfriend boyfriend when he’s on the verge of take a trip with regard to a conference. Ahead total circle she did not get trouble finding really like, this lady had trouble becoming adored to the point just where she stored finding brand-new ways to push that man away. Her mailing pics, accusing him, or maybe having ChooChoo time experienced nothing to do along with her sweetheart not getting a decent man-she wanted a way out regarding something the woman couldn’t handle-a healthy partnership. Stop Hating, Start Curing

Somewhere throughout your life story it comes with an incident or setback this you’re clinging onto which continues to hold an individual back and you happen to be the particular only one that could pull that will out. A person can talk to your own personal parent or guardian. You can the path down an ex-mate about Facebook and have seal. You can get surgical procedure to be far more creatively appealing. You can obtain right A’s or get a massive savings account… non-e of the is going to help stomp out the technique you really feel about yourself. The actual phony smile you contact “life” needs to end up being wiped away to help you ultimately admit that prepared to not really happy living this means. That can compare with so horrible in which you can not recover coming from it! I’ve observed girls get incurable Sexually transmitted diseases, recombine and still find adore. I’ve helped women who have gone through sexual mistreatment go above and remember their particular power. We have talked in order to several women this got men they thought to be soulmates die, and each one particular bounced back once these people ceased cursing their situations. You need to find the braveness to search into no matter what you hate for your lifetime and address which simply because no one else may ever care enough to obtain for you. There is actually nothing wrong with investment in a remedy treatment, talking to your genuine friends, or writing straight down each of the ways where anyone feel vulnerable or not secure so you can established a goal to fix each of these locations day by day. The particular answer to be able to moving toward who that you were always designed to be starts together with ridding yourself of typically the man that’s been having you actually back. When My partner and i look in often the sight of my newborn baby girl these days and the girl grins, there isn’t virtually any pain or worry. Each of you was innocent before the world darkened you, therefore you owe it to you to ultimately find a way rear to that spot.

Regarding the Men

I include somebody that’s a “Red Pill” practitioner, you recognize, down using feminism acquire back the man’s planet from the bitches sort. In terms of self-assurance, it works because they stays with a young lady busting it open from his condo every weekend…but it’s the type involving girls which he chooses vs the girls he / she speaks to me about looking that points to some sort of huge ditch a ton of men have. At this time there comes the age exactly where half the ladies you’ve had sex with you cannot bear in mind and no one would like to hear those “yo, We fucked this one chick” reports anymore. When you are with college live your personal life, but how a bone are you 29 yrs . old still asking niggas, “where the hos at tonite? ” You’re holding with to the things that make little children cool! The grown bumm man very pleased to always be smashing basic ladies that will we all could smash- you want a sandwich? No one offers props for that anymore consequently what’s the excuse because of not going after quality women of all ages as well as pushing away individuals that be your identical? You’re worried. “I ain’t afraid connected with shit, bro” sure you happen to be, you’re scared of adoring a female just like the a single I actually described above in which got a new train leaped on her after that travelled back and kissed almost all on her boyfriend. You happen to be frightened of proposing for you to a woman only to help find out she simply wanted joint bank addresses. Prepared to afraid of throwing away your wellbeing with a girl that doesn’t realize a person or keeps putting older shit in your confront. You’re afraid to pick drastically wrong, period. Girls tend to be terrifying because they possess the power to produce us lose ourselves within them, and to give your own heart for the wrong just one could fuck an individual way up for life. There are usually people that are nevertheless damaged originating from a high classes girl’s rejection a decade afterwards. There are guys this had a hard moment losing their very own virginity in addition to feel a purpose to have it out on just about any women that dares try out to including him within his current status. We all call women small as well as emotional but you can find guys that take the willy cake on acting such as straight bitches.

Not just about all females are hos available to acquire something away of you. Only some ladies are damaged items caught up on their ex or even looking to push anyone at a distance the minute you actually get close. Not every girls are going to badger a person about hanging out there with your friends an excessive amount of or call you gay and lesbian because you choose in order to take a trip while using homies. Not all women of all ages will certainly hold shit inside only to start out an debate weeks later. Only a few females thirst for focus and also want to text a dozen team just so they will can feel protected. When the women you continually attract or tend to be able to lust after fit people information then you must address the actual elephant throughout the fucking room-you’re pursuing after the wrong versions due to the fact there’s something cracked within you that features something for you to prove to help the wrong ones. Inquire any truly mature gentleman in your circle or perhaps glance at the shit Hov or maybe Gucci overcame in the particular name associated with not desiring to lose a very good lady and then seem at the reason youre still stuck on discovering chicks as just cooch. We all grow upwards and we most have got to embrace the obstacle regarding going through typically the Ms. Errors in buy to get to the Ms. Proper.

Typical ladies think almost any man that is cocky along with loud will be an Alpha Man since they don’t know what exactly true confidence looks just like and confound douche carrier or aggression with strength. At the same time period, folks throw the expression “simp” on the market liberally these kind of days, but I can explain to you who is often the actual simp-men that cover their anxiety behind hard talk. An individual rant on-line or from the barbershop regarding ho this/ ho which, yet glide into the actual DMs or method the girl based on the girl not enough clothes or mannish behaviour. You’re talking shit regarding the type of lady you in order to hate even though trying to set your current face between her rear end cheeks-that’s fraudulent as have sex with. You hate her balls but want to possibly be in the woman guts… so ?? It’s certainly not about effortless sex mainly because I’ve noticed you niggas screen grabs-you are actually adding perform and effort with the particular very same girls you label phone. Let’s keep the item G, an individual push aside the nice females that will will do any in addition to almost everything, claim you’re not necessarily looking forward to a relationship, and then discover a textbook manipulator another weekend. Girls are generally so perplexed as in order to why men chase the ladies that give them all their butt to kiss, nevertheless play childish games with the people that would wash their own ass for them, yet it’s simple-you’re seeking agreement.

Basic Nigga Checklist: Self-medicating with weed or supplements. Finding any reason appreciate and party. Immersing on your own in conspiracy theories that will make you seem smart as well as woke. Reaching out to be able to weak exes. Sliding dehydrated chicks directly into situationships. Preying on huge girls having low self-worth. Acting fake-jealous because you learn any girl will take in which for you to mean you proper care and also come running. Overlooking written word and not conversing because you wish typically the rush of someone behaving similar to they care. Possessing not any fucks to offer when you go uncooked in a girl anyone scarcely like because is considered nothing like you’re doing whatever anyways. Breaking up some sort of relationship using a girl honestly, that is moved on in order to demonstrate you still have handle of your ex. Faking including you’re gonna kill by yourself if the lady does depart. Abandoning a new chick along with throwing a whole new girl with her experience just to help see what happens. These kinds of are those things damaged guys do on a daily basis because this helps avoid the authentic problem-depression. If you complete any of those techniques seldom be mad, would not receive defensive, I need one to do the same matter I request of often the women, go inside in addition to figure your shit out and about before you waste considerably more decades. The Real Reddish Pill

Any time that female told me the storyline involving the threesome, I considered concerning her boyfriend as well as how this probably encouraged him lower a journey he continue to hasn’t reclaimed from. Think about the girl you actually loved carrying out something in order to cut you which strong and all you ever before did was love your girlfriend? There are damaged adult men that want to mature as well as rid yourself of their pain, nevertheless you can also get normal men that will will placed themselves available there and get played out because they’re chasing the actual glitter of a girl not having inspecting the main connected with her character. My spouse and i want to guide adult males to navigate the sport, definitely not in a way everywhere the women is the particular enemy and beaver is usually the objective, but within the best way where you put together yourself to aspect move the wrong types associated with girls, and a Online game Changer will be the objective. If I wrote THIS POST My partner and i told you all I got working on something regarding the males, and in which something was a completely new book that serves to be able to wake up men this need determination the similar way Men Don’t Adore Women Like You dished up to aid women to Spartan Way up and it’s identified as: She has Not It…

“Why do not you write the book showing the guys what they need for you to do, ” there a person go. Now I rarely want to hear an individual deflecting with that any more. I’ve claimed for several years that a woman will either be the wifey type or even pussy. Either a Placeholder or even a Game Changer, although the identical applies intended for men. Now it is very time frame to ask yourself usually are you going to function as the type of man which can increase into any husband or would you like to keep a dick merely hunting for a nut? Are usually you going to pretend that like you have typically the answers simply to end right up like Rob Kardashian or perhaps are you going to help permit someone help fit you high on game? I have talked in order to so quite a few types of women and also men over time about their particular problems and I desire I could put often the Queens that will fall to get the Dickticians together with the Emperors that fall for the actual Basicas, but I’m not just a matchmaker. What I can certainly do is definitely help connection the space, so just about every man who all reads that can start to appeal to a worthy partner.

For that ladies, I think the idea will profit you all of to read the item also (or send a replica since a gift for some sort of person that needs to be able to get the hint) as it discusses a lot regarding things you may not really recognize you do inside keeping yourself inside function of Placeholder. You can not inquire a man to perform considerably better if you’re certainly not willing to check out many things you still carry out that drive them out or skade your interactions. I’ve included as well a Benefit Chapter for the women of all ages answering one of the particular top concerns I find on a each week schedule: Repairing the Damage instructions How to Reset Any Partnership In 30 Days and nights. That only is a new must read.