#built in big green egg

[raynaweber]

Traditional Patio - Patio Inspiration for a large timeless backyard brick patio remodel with a roof extension

[allisonranieri]

Outdoor Kitchen - Traditional Patio

Example of a large classic backyard stamped concrete patio kitchen design with no cover

[theautumnsociety]

Patio in San Francisco A mid-sized, modern backyard kitchen with a stone patio is an example. It has an addition to the roof.

[naturepound]

Traditional Patio - Patio

Patio kitchen: a sizable, traditional brick patio kitchen plan for the backyard without a cover

[goddamndesign]

Traditional Patio - Outdoor Kitchen Mid-sized elegant backyard stone patio kitchen photo with a pergola

[conceptcookie]

Outdoor Kitchen Outdoor Kitchen in Atlanta Mid-sized elegant backyard stone patio kitchen photo with a pergola

[mannaturelandscape]

Tampa Brick Pavers Patio With a roof extension, a medium-sized transitional backyard brick patio photo

[vulpineninja]

Transitional Pool Example of a mid-sized transitional backyard stamped concrete and custom-shaped lap pool fountain design

[prokopetz]

Ways your fortified points-of-light fantasy city with no discernible agricultural base supports itself that aren't "they eat the monsters":

There's no farmland spreading below the city's mountain fastness because all of the crops are above. Most of the mountain's surface area below the permanent snowline is taken up by a series of colossal hydroponic terraces fed by seasonal meltwater from the snow pack above. (Don't ask who built the terraces.)

The city's famed heaven-piercing towers are aviaries for millions upon untold millions of fruit and seed eating birds, which forage the surrounding countryside by day and roost there at night; their meat and eggs form the community's staple diet. In order to fend off ecological depletion, crack teams of combat-trained wilderness maintenance experts venture forth daily, escorting great cartloads of birdshit on targeted fertilising missions (though in truth they hardly need their swords, as the smell keeps the monsters at bay).

Those weird caverns that seem to be present under every random shed and outhouse are all connected. That's why the giant mutant rats in the basement of the local inn are such a big deal – they're not just annoying the guests, they're also obstructing the community's principal trade route!

For Reasons, the city's population is only about ten percent of its carrying capacity. The city's interior green spaces are presently sufficient for food production, and its citizens take turns dressing up as soldiers and manning the walls once a week to create the illusion of a robust military presence. Unfortunately, the ruse can't last forever, as they lack the manpower to maintain their crumbling infrastructure, nor will they be able to defend themselves when – not if, but when – the neighbouring city-states figure it out.

There's actually plenty of conventional farmland; it's just that the entire campaign takes place south of the city, and the farms are all to the north. Why don't the farms expand southward to claim the clearly arable land? Well, there's a funny story about that...

[a-new-romantic]

lucky charm ♡ (hogwarts!au azriel x reader)

a/n: this is entirely inspired by those "xxx quidditch entrance song" tiktoks. i have no other excuse, but i hope you like it! (and if you hate it, don't read it!)

summary: ravenclaw!azriel plays against the slytherin quidditch team. you're his good luck charm.

"please", Rhysand, muttered as he caught up to you and Feyre going to breakfast. "Ravenclaw is NOT going to win," he said - pointedly staring at your blue and bronze robes.

"Yeah," Feyre agreed, her green tie seeming brighter than ever. "We're going to win, cause our team has us on it." she said, grinning slyly at you all entered the great hall.

"We'll see..." you sung to your friends, rolling your eyes as you got up from the table, heading over to the Ravenclaw table.

"Hey Luc!" you say, spotting your friend eating in what looked like a fit of nerves. "Ready for the game, keeper?" you asked, patting him on the back as you took a seat next to him - your favorite food appearing in front of you.

"Honestly? No," he said, "Rhysand is a damn good chaser and Feyre is the best seeker we've seen in a while," he said.

"And you're the best keeper we've had in centuries! Don't even worry Lucien, you're going to do great. I have full faith that Ravenclaw will win." you said, despite not being 100% certain yourself. He was right, Feyre and Rhysand (and the rest of Slytherin) were damn good.

"Sure, sure. You only say that cause Azriel is on Ravenclaw too." he said, wiggling his eyebrows at you with a teasing tone. It seemed the whole school knew of your budding relationship with your teams star beater.

"Whatever, don't you have to practice or something?" you said around a bite of waffles. His eye widened as he glanced up at the clock before shoveling the rest of his eggs into his mouth. He gave you a quick wave goodbye before grabbing his broom and running out of the hall.

You grinned and finished up your breakfast, heading back to your dorm to get ready for the big game.

----- ♡

The crowd roared around you as you climbed up to the highest seat you could get at the game. The wing whipped your hair around, as the blue and bronze scarf around your neck kept you warm.

"Nice makeup (Y/n)!" someone yelled out at you, as you gave them a grateful smile. You worked hard on it, blue and bronze surrounding your eyes, with Azriel's jersey number on your cheek as a last minute show of support.

Before you knew it, the opposing crowd started roaring, the Slytherin entrance song starting to play.

"everybody wants to rule the world.."

The song echoed throughout the stadium, green and sliver smoke filling the field. Silhouettes of the players started appearing to the left of the field, Rhys and Feyre's outlines clear as they appeared out of the smoke.

The beat dropped and the entire Slytherin team got on their brooms, flying to the middle of the field. Rhysand pumped his fist into the air, triggering a cascade of screams down the Slytherin side of the field. As the beat built up, the players got higher and higher. Suddenly, the music stopped and they all dropped down to eye level - getting into position for the game.

"Honestly? A 10/10 entrance." your friend piped up next to you. You couldn't help but agree.

The crowd started to die down from that amazing entrance: people talking to their friends and chit chatting, the Slytherin team talking strategy.

Suddenly, you hear faint whistles and clacks echoing through the stadium. The crowd went silent in anticipation of the incoming entrance by the Ravenclaw.

Then, the drums started resounding throughout the stadium - going directly through everyone and vibrating through their cores. You grinned, knowing that Az had taken your song suggestion for their entrance tonight. The drums ended with a flourish, blue and bronze confetti erupting throughout the stadium.

"all the birds of a feather.."

The Ravenclaw players entered through the confetti, flying in circles around the stadium - looking like blurs of blue just zooming past everyone. The beat ended and the players exited the circle one by one, flipping in the air before landing in place.

Azriel, unlike Rhysand didn't hype up the crowd at all. He didn't need to. At the sight of him, the entire crowd erupted.

He didn't care, he was looking directly at you. You flushed under his gaze, giving him a quick thumbs up as a show of support. He smiled gratefully before turning to roll his eyes at his brother on the opposing side.

Once the players were in position, the game began.

----- ♡

The game was neck and neck for the most part, with Azriel or Lucien blocking most of Rhysand's advances. Nevertheless, Slytherin was in the lead.

Your focus stayed on Azriel for the most part, tracking him as he shot across the field. He was completely in his element, and you were in nothing short of awe.

He could feel your stare as he played the game, loving you and loving the attention. Forgive him if he flexed a little harder, and showed off a little more during the game. He had a pretty person to impress after all.

Despite your attention attuned on Azriel, your gaze flickered away as you watched the Ravenclaw seeker and Feyre suddenly dive to the ground, spotting the snitch. If the seeker caught the snitch, Ravenclaw could overcome the lead Slytherin had on them and win the game.

The whole stadium went quiet as everyone watched the two seekers twist around one another, up and down through the field as they chased after the snitch.

Suddenly, Feyre swerved out of the way as a bludger appeared in her line of flight. Your eyebrows furrowed as you glanced up at Azriel, who smirked - knowing his plan worked. He shot a bludger in Feyre's direction (not intending to hurt her) to throw her off her path.

He was successful! The Ravenclaw seeker sped up and caught the snitch, flying up and thrusting her hand up in the air in victory. The half of the field you were on erupted in cheer as bronze and blue confetti erupted once again.

You cheered alongside everyone, joy overtaking everyone's face. You took the time to study Azriel's face, as he high fived and celebrated with his teammates. Then, he turned to face you - flying towards you.

"All because of my lucky charm, huh?" he said, as he leaned forward on his broom so his lips could meet you own. You smiled into the kiss, shaking your head while laughing.

He didn't need a lucky charm, but you were glad to be his lucky charm any day.

[99liv3s]

Cassie cried and whined as the pressure and pain in her pelvis increased, the large alien egg inside her moving down, ready to be born. The petite, red-haired carrier clutched her large belly as tears welled up in her green eyes, sweat drenching her long hair as she moaned through the hard contractions. All around her, scientists and medical staff made notes and preparations for the birth of Cassie's egg, all sworn to secrecy about what they were about to witness.

Cassie was one of the latest in a small number of alien abductions and impregnations. One night, after she had fallen asleep reading a fantasy novel, Cassie had awoken to find herself strapped to an operating table in a sterile laboratory, surrounded by large headed green alien creatures with tentacles. She looked into their large eyes as one of them inserted a tentacle into her vagina, and the sensation was so alien, yet so pleasurable, she could not protest or even think. Cassie had first thought the encounter had been a dream, until she realized, several days later, that she has fallen pregnant, and the pregnancy proceeded quite rapidly. A few days after her bump had begun to show, the government agents showed up. However, they were quite kind to Cassie and basically directed her to a secret hospital that had been established specifically due to the alien abductions. It was there that she learned that she was carrying, not a baby, but an egg, an ever-growing one!

Cassie cried out as pain wracked her body, and several scientists nodded, making more notes. "I need to push!" Cassie begged, panting. However, the head doctor placed his hand on her belly and shook his head, saying, "Not yet, you are not dilated fully..." "I don't care, I have to push!" Cassie responded loudly, and bore down, but the doctor pushed her legs closed. "Breathe through the pain and pressure... no pushing yet!" In her last examination before labor had started, it had been determined that Cassie's egg was the size of a Soccer ball, so the medical staff wanted to make sure Cassie was as dilated as possible before she began pushing. Cassie closed her eyes and grit her teeth as the pressure built in her hips. A loud moan escaped her lips as the felt the pain increase, the egg ready even if the scientists were not.

"Push, Cassie!" the doctor told her 20 agonizing minutes later, in which her water had finally broken. Cassie screamed as she bore down, her legs spread wide by the stirrups. "AAAAAHHHHHH IT HURTS!!" Cassie cried, as she felt the egg move. She gripped the side handles of her hospital bed tightly as she pushed again, willing the pressure against her bladder to move. "PLEASE GET IT OUT!!" she whined, as her legs trembled in pain. She simultaneously wanted to close them, as her vagina hurt so bad, but also open them even wider, as the pressure felt as if she needed to crap badly. However, as they were locked in stirrups, it was a moot point. As Cassie pushed again, she screamed as a new sensation joined the pain and pressure in her lower body: the burning of crowning. "OH GOD IT BURNS!!" She cried. "I FEEL IT RIGHT THERE, IT'S SO BIG!!" The doctor was feeling around on Cassie's stretched pussy as the egg became visible between her folds. Cassie kept up a chorus of "AAAH AAAH AAAH!" as the egg slowly emerged, stretching her even more. However, after a few minutes of this, it stopped moving. "IT'S STUCK!!" Cassie yelled in fear and agony. "Push harder, you gotta get it out," the doctor said, over Cassie's crying. She pushed, as hard as she could, but the egg was too big, and no matter what she tried, it was not coming out. It would bulge more, then slip back in each time Cassie let up.

Cassie could not take much more. The doctor ordered an ultrasound be brought in, and after a long, painful 10 minutes of setup, a quick scan determined the problem. The egg was turned sideways, with its widest part coming out first, and Cassie's vagina, even now 12 centimeters dilated, was too small to fit it. "We gotta turn the egg immediately," the doctor said, and looked into Cassie's wide, tear filled eyes. "I have to reach in now and turn the egg... it's going to hurt, but it has to happen, so brace yourself..." It hurt very badly, as the doctor entered two hands into Cassie's already stretched pussy and started trying to shift the egg. "HURRY UP!!" she bellowed, as she felt she might pass out from the pain. However, the egg was large and did not shift easily. Another 10 minutes of this, and the doctor pulled out. "Rest, and then we can try again," he said, as Cassie panted hard. The burning was constant and torturous, and the pressure in her birth canal felt as though she was carrying a bowling ball down there. "If a miracle doesn't happen, she's not going to make it," the doctor told one of his assistants silently. "We might have to prep her for emergency surgery!" Cassie was indeed beginning to tire from her ordeal, and losing strength. She was given an IV to keep her fluids up, but the constant pressure and pain was straining her body rapidly. "Ok, let's try again!" The head doctor said. Cassie screamed at the top of her lungs as the doctor reached in her again and tried to shift the egg. Under her screams, one of the scientists said quietly to another, "Even if he turns the egg to the right position, it's still so big, she probably can't get it out."

As the doctor pulled out again, his efforts partly in vain, and Cassie panting heavily, her head on the pillow, everyone heard a loud crack, as if someone had shot a gun in the room. As some looked around, and Cassie screamed in fear and still pain, the doctor felt around on her belly and then looked into her eyes, his filled with renewed hope. "The egg just hatched inside you," he said. "The fetus is emerging, and hopefully you will be able to push out the baby and then the egg's shell." "Mind you, the baby does have a large head, so..." Cassie breathed as she listened, the burning somewhat eased now that the heavy egg was not pushing against her cervix anymore. "I have to reach in and move the egg shell out of the way for the baby to emerge, ok?" Cassie yelped as the doctor reached in again. Cassie could feel pressure again, as well as much fluttering movement of what felt like small tentacles. "AHHHH I FEEL IT, IT'S COMING IT'S COMING IT'S COMING!!" As she screamed, the doctor withdrew and said, "Ok push!!"

Cassie screamed as the large head crowned, the familiar burning sensation hitting her again. However, the head, while larger than a human baby's head, was still smaller than the egg had been, and so it was coming with each push. Cassie bore down hard, determined to finally get the alien out of her. The tentacles wiggled and squirmed up inside her birth canal, feeling strange and uncomfortable, but at the same time, amazing. With another hard push, the head popped out and hung out of Cassie. It was green and somewhat slimy, the size of a baseball with large eyes. The tentacles continued to squirm inside her, tickling her already sensitive vagina. "OOOHH GOD!!" She exclaimed, and with another push, the alien baby finally slid out. It had a large head and 10 small tentacles that comprised its lower body, and was green and slimy, with large oval eyes which did not seem to have the ability to close. It did not cry, as human newborns did, but instead a strange, but somewhat cute purring sound came from it as the tentacles wriggled around. Cassie had collapsed onto the bed, exhausted and panting heavily. "You did it," the scientist said. "You'll birth the egg shell soon, and it'll be similar to afterbirth, so don't worry." The alien baby was passed over to Cassie for her to hold. "Congratulations on your first!" The doctor said. "First?" Cassie asked as she looked down at the newborn. "Yes, the aliens will come for this baby soon, and when they do, they will know you are a successful carrier, and will use you again." "Every woman who can successfully birth the alien eggs is marked by the aliens, as valuable incubators!" Cassie stared into the doctor's face, as the alien newborn wiggled in her arms, not knowing how to feel. Birthing the alien egg was an intense, horrifying experience, but a secret part of her longed to do it again!!

[mazikeenhyde]

Oh Baby, Pain is Pleasure - Part 3

POLY JUDGMENT DAY X READER (WRESTLER) 

Y/W/N – Your Wrestling Name 

Y/W/N/F – Your Wrestling Name Finisher

WARNING – THESE WARNINGS COVER ALL PARTS OF THIS FICTION- THEY MAY NOT BE SPECIFIC TO THIS PARTICULAR PART!- 

SMUT,  GIRL X GIRL, MAN X MAN, POLY RELATIONSHIPS/SEXUAL, BDSM, BLOOD, SPANKING, VIOLENT REFRENCES, INJURY, ABUSE (CONSENTUAL) CHEATING, STALKERS/ STALKING

I’m going to apologize to you all now, and prewarn you in advance, this is an absolute rollercoaster of a storyline! Shits about to get REAL messy! 

TAG LIST - @babybatlover

Oh Baby…Pain is Pleasure – Part 3

Late afternoon had seen the sun burn the remainder of the clouds from the sky, leaving a beautiful blue horizon view from across the backyard. Flocks of birds gathered as they headed over the break line, waving in and out of the smoke coming from our BBQ pit. 

I sat, gently rocking my feet back and forth on the chair egg swing we had attached to one of the older grand oak trees in our yard. It was all I had wanted when we moved in, somewhere calm and content where I could just exist. Enjoy my time, enjoy my life, and admire the world around me. Ponder life’s big questions… 

‘LOCKER WITNESSES’ 

I re read that message repeatedly in my mind, who was it from? witnessed what? 

I had deleted the other text from my phone, I wasn’t going down that road. 

The sounds of two men’s deep voices bought me back, looking over to my lovers I could see Finn & Damien adorned in their matching ‘TOP CHEF’ aprons and cooking utensils with a beer in hand, either chatting away or debating about how best to cook the chicken. 

Whilst further down on the sun loungers, Rhea had stripped down to one of her thin black bikinis with the metal skull clip fastenings, she was catching the last of the sunrays to her already perfect Sunkissed skin.  Christ, how did I get so lucky as to be a part of this incredible love…. Pentagon? It’s a five-way love triangle, let’s leave it at that.

When we had been initially searching for a house to buy, one to really call home that is; we had all had something in mind we desperately wanted as a feature. We knew it needed to be a big house, one with a master bedroom where we could assemble out two King size beds that had been custom made to attach in the middle, I cannot begin to tell you how comfortable and comforting it is being held close and safe by the four people you love more than anything in the world. 

The guilt though…

Still, obviously Rhea & Finn were dead set on having a large garage/ open internal space to set up the home gym. Of course, whilst on the road we still used a lot of public gyms and one-off hotel workout rooms here and there, but when we are at home, in each other’s company, away from the world, the fans, all that attention. It is so lovely knowing we don’t have to leave our little safe haven.

Damian had specifically made it clear he wanted a huge kitchen, open planned that backed into a dinning area. When we moved in, he had taken the time to build up a barista style coffee corner and a breakfast station on the central island. Then with Finn’s help, they worked on a D.I.Y project together to design and create a full bar set up next to the table and chairs where we ate. They had eventually given in and allowed Dom to help with the painting of the bar, because he wanted to be a ‘DIY Man’ too. 

The boys always referred to it as the lad’s corner, a custom-built wooden bar that was painted a deep tranquil green and black with illuminated LED letters on the wall; ‘ALL RISE, ALL DRINK’.   That however did not stop Rhea and I from emptying some of those back bar bottles on one of many messy nights! For some reason, whenever Rhea breaks out the Tequila, we always end up playing strip twister… Odd. 

Dominick, of course… wanted a gaming room. Not just any gaming room mind you, a ‘Mens” gaming room. 

*Sigh* 

Problem is he is just so adorable at times, and we all give in, he had been granted his request of course! Although Priest put his foot down when Dom had asked for an indoor arcade style basketball hoop game, he was allowed a hoop outside but that was it. We had all seen enough broken windows during the season when Finn had tried to teach Damien and Dominick how to play golf. 

It still makes me laugh when the boys talk about how they would feel guilty that they were off spending time together, while Rhea and I would miss out? Ha. Little did they know when they buggered off to do ‘man’s stuff’ we girls would high tail it upstairs to the family bathroom and strip off into the bathtub for some… girl’s time. *Wink Wink* 

I remember one morning; Rhea and I were standing in the arched doorway at the crack of dawn waving the boys off as they set out on an early start to play a full days Golf. Leaning into her chest I rubbed the sleepiness from my eyes as she bent her head down and nuzzled her lips into the crook of my neck. 

“I tell you now Y/N, I would rather run the risk of drowning when we get in that bathtub, and I bury my face deep in your pussy… then stand in a damp field hitting a stick at a ball.” Her teeth nipped at the skin of my ear lobe and my entire body melted at her touch. 

Christ the things that woman does to me. 

A loud crash had bought me back to reality, Dom had been trying to carry a tray of drinks out to the garden for us all but had tripped over some excess weigh plates we had left outside, sending the poor lad flying arse over tit. 

“Shit! God damn it, ow fuck!” Dom pulled himself up to his knees, swiping the drinks tray away in frustration before noticing blood trickling down his arm from the glasses that he had smashed across the decking. He was quick to freeze, unable to process what to do next or how to stand up safely. 

Rhea was quick to make her way over to him from the sun lounger, followed by Damian who handed Finn his spatula and beer before rushing over to help the poor lad. 

I know, I know I should have been focused on the fact that the boy I loved so much needed some help, some TLC, compassion, and support… 

But I am only human. 

And Rhea Bloody Ripley…. 

Running….

In a mini black laced bikini…

Slightly wet from the heat of the sun touching her skin, God how she glistened. How she got my motor running and…

Finn had noticed my distraction and whistled loudly, gathering my attention. 

“Aye! Lass, enough of that! Go... Take a lap!” He gestured, pointing to the end of the field in our garden. The yard stretched about 1/4 of a mile down and was cut off by the woodland. One of my favorite things about this house was the nature that came with it. It all felt so…natural and back down to earth compared to the chaos and mayhem at WWE. 

Pointing his BBQ tongs and Damian’s spatula at me, Finn raised his eyebrow. 

“No distractions, ya hear!” 

I tried not to laugh at his remark, turning my face away to hide my snicker and rolling my eyes. I was still wearing my gym gear from before; except I had nabbed one of Dominick’s merch shirts on the way to the garden from the drying rack, I was self-conscious about my stomach, and I liked to hide my body where I could. 

“Did you just roll your eyes at me?!” Finn sternly questioned me as he put the utensils down. 

At this point Rhea was taking Dom inside through the double doors, whilst Damian stood back up and turned in my direction. 

Fuck… they are hot when they get all dominant. 

“Mi Vida, did you roll your eyes?” Damian’s words were colder, flat, and prominent. I could tell he was almost looking for a reason to get me upstairs into the bedroom. Christ I was half tempted to give him a solid reason. 

Put me across your lap Papa Priest, let me feel the strength between your thighs and lay it into me Goddamn it! 

The devil on my shoulder sang its heart out at the idea, but I remembered earlier when Finn has spun the actions back against me. Leaving me alone and sexually frustrated I thought better of the situation. 

“Me? I would never…” I said quite obnoxious/sarcastically and smiled that cheeky brat look at them before hopping up off the tree swing. I could see Damian trying not to break or give in… but a slight smirk crept into the corner of his lips.  

“I’m going to take a lap!” I stated and grinned before making a run for it, heading down and out of sight from the lads. I had a much better plan in mind to deal with my frustrations when I got in the shower later anyway. 

I was out of breath by the time I got back towards our street, less than a ¼ mile to go! I had decided to go for a proper run to clear my mind. A good few miles should do the trick, that’s what Rhea always said! With my headphones in and a decent playlist on, nothing was going to stop me! 

One foot after another I pressed on, sweat dripping down my neck I desperately tried to Shake off all that nervous energy I had built up now that WrestleMania was less than 2 weeks away. I had been on edge at times, and it showed when I trained in the ring with Rhea and Dom. Running back-to-back moves, counters, pins, and submissions, it was like every time I thought I had learnt it someone would come along and wipe my slate clean, and I knew nothing again. 

Maybe I wasn’t ready to be a champion? 

Maybe I was out of my depth? 

Rhea should be in this match not me. 

Me? Y/W/N? Was I really cut out to be a champion? 

I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket as I continued running. I tried looking at my smart watch as I ran, though it was tricky to focus on a smaller screen. 

I could see a couple messages from Finn stating the food was ready, one from Damian also telling me the food was ready, one from Dom telling me he was going to eat my hot dog if I didn’t hurry up and one from Rhea telling me she wasn’t going to let Dom touch my food. 

Honestly this lot, I love them so much. 

Turning into our street I could see our house gate entrance just up the hill, with a little spring in my step I pushed on feeling like I was picking up speed. I felt energized, I felt incredible, maybe I could do this after all! 

With the gate just in reach and the sweet smokey smell of the BBQ lingering in the air I put my head down to push those least few feet… 

But within a split second I felt something behind me. 

The music cut out as my headphones were launched to the floor and my arms locked in tight by a strength I hadn’t ever had to match. Kicking my legs out I felt them rise off the floor and before I could even fathom the mental capacity to make a sound the feeling of sticky back plastic tape suckered its way in across my lips. My eyes pooled up as the bag went over my head and my vision became darkness. A hard and cold metal floor was met with my body weight as I was hurled inside, my heart beating out of my chest the fear became all too real as I felt the ground under move away at speed. 

A hot breath came down my neck, raising every last hair on my skin to react. The voice was muffled, as if speaking through a mask. 

“You did this Y/N…” 

“You did this… and now you cannot handle the monster you created.” 

The silence in between each word was deafening, but it was the next voice that bought the fear of God into my soul. 

“ Told you I’d find you...miss me?” 

TO BE CONTINUED

[hermitcraftx]

Actually, no, I'm not done talking about the Minecraft Movie. I'm so incredibly angry about what could have been. Rant incoming, sorry to any and all witnesses. All ye who enter here abandon all hope.

The Lego Movie was a good movie because it was an homage to animators and the community it had built up during the years, was genuinely very well animated and had good plot points despite maintaining its humor, and was a good watch to people who didn't even like Legos. It did have a couple big name actors placed in there to draw views (i.e. Will Ferrell) but for the most part the movie was completely animated with very sparse real life moments that worked very well to tie into the narrative the movie was creating. You're a little kid and the world is so big and angry and full of structure, and you just want to create the things you want to see without being told what to do. Emmett is an ordinary guy told he's special as a lie to get him to comply with what Vitruvius wanted, the same way he complied with orders his entire life, and he defeated that cycle of thinking by showing kindness despite his terrible treatment, unlike Lord Business (i.e. Will Ferrell). It worked astoundingly well to create something that ticked a lot of boxes: narratively sound, incredibly pleasing to look at, funny, and capable of handling serious topics despite being a Kid's Movie.

The Minecraft Movie... does none of that. There are no well placed homages or tributes to a loving community that has been built up for well over a decade. There are no callbacks to Minecraft animations, to any of the Minecraft covers that were a staple of early Minecraft, no references or respects paid to anybody that has been a big name in the community. For fuck's sake, they didn't even put Herobrine is. Herobrine is, to be frank, the most basic Minecraft reference they could have input into this movie as a subtle nod to the community that almost everyone would have understood, and I remain disappointed.

The art style isn't respectful of Minecraft animators at all, instead vaguely resembling AI slop where they tasked it to make Minecraft in real life with realistic shader packs as the references. To be quite frank, it is a spit in the face of almost every creative person in the community. It's disrespectful to the animators, the parody creators, the modpack creators (highly unlikely but I really hope they get in deep shit for using some of them as references, because it's almost uncanny how similar they look), the Minecraft content creationists, everybody. I know they let a scant few Minecraft youtubers on set, but still.... no well hidden easter eggs? No CaptainSparklez logo? No Yogscast? No EthosLab tnt slab? Not even any of the newer youtubers that have made the Minecraft scene up for the past several years. (Not talking about the green guy, god, no, I'm very grateful for that in fact. But nobody at all? Seriously?) I get that it's a MINECRAFT movie, not a Minecraft youtuber movie, and is supposed to be well-digestible for the average audience that isn't familiar with Minecraft, but there are very easy ways to implement this. Most people would at the very least be happy to see a couple seconds of community references, regardless of what they were. Again, NO HEROBRINE? What the fuck are the Warner Bros doing.

There appears to be no strong structural narrative that ties into the base game either, despite there being a... relatively straightforward way to implement one? Look, man, the game literally has objectives for you, despite being relatively sandbox. You spawn in, you chop wood, mine for diamonds, and fight monsters, you go to the Nether, you beat the dragon. The piglins as an element outside of the Nether don't make sense as gameplay wise they zombify, which has been mentioned a lot, true, but I haven't seen ANYONE mention that they could just... I don't know... Go to the fucking Nether!? Why is the plot line being pulled from Minecraft Legends, a game that everyone thought was boring and forgot about instantly? Why are Mojang and Microsoft trying so hard to branch out from base game Minecraft? So far it looks to just be a bullshit poorly carried out isekai movie with a bunch of big name actors, one liners, shitty quips and "he's right behind me isn't he"s. There's no SERIOUS plot beat at all, not even getting a feeling that this might be any more than "uh oh, they're stuck in Minecraft and piglins are trying to kill them!"

The CGI is terrible. Just incredibly poorly implemented. The people look gigantic at the start and it's not immersed at all, it genuinely looks like some of the worst green screen work I've ever seen. They look like they're standing on a rug.

I don't know. It just makes me incredibly angry. There's a deep lack of understanding and appreciation for the game, and that sounds childish, but I think it is decently imperative to at least understand the basics of Minecraft before you make a game on it. Most people under the age of 30 understand at least a little bit about Minecraft, and if they don't, it is your job to make it enjoyable for them! You can make a story about a man that washes up in a strange world and goes to kill a dragon. Everyone can understand that. That's a very basic story that we've been milking for literally hundreds of fucking years. Nothing in the trailer resembles Minecraft at ALL, it was genuinely unrecognizable and alien to me when I first saw it. The trailers don't have a strong resemblance to Minecraft either, but it's there, and they could have honestly just based it off mostly the trailers and that would have been better? Making the movie fully animated would have given it charm and appealed to kids in the same way, and they could have pulled a Lego Movie and done an in person sequence with Jack Black at some point. I don't know. I don't understand a single cinematic decision in making this film.

A lot of people wanted a deep somber animated film about Steve exploring the loneliness and solitude of the world he's in, trying to thrive and create in spite of that, and while I agree that would be incredible, there is just no universe where that would happen in. But that doesn't mean this is excusable. There are so many better ways to execute and implement the ideas that would do well in big theater for a kid's game and it looks like they spat on those ideas and put them in a blender. It's almost comical how bad the movie is: and such a huge, SAD fucking jump from Warner Bros blowing it out of the water with the Barbie Movie last year. My young cousin finds the pink sheep scary and wanted me to turn it off when we showed it to her. There is truly no audience that I feel this appeals to in a meaningful way, and I hope it flops like Morbius. I hope Microsoft and Warner Bros go bankrupt from this.

All in all, it's a terrible example of a game that has been near and dear to a lot of people's hearts and a significant portion of a lot of people's childhoods and makes a mockery of the people that enjoy it, I feel. It's like if The Mario Movie and Jumanji had a terrible, terrible baby. Unless their plan was to get so much negative attention that hoardes of people go to hate watch it, I have no fucking idea who the hell let any of this be released to the public.

Don't go watch it. Don't give these people your money. Demand better for your community and your fans. Hold Microsoft and Warner Bros accountable for bad quality. Microsoft has been a fucking nightmare since... forever, really, but Mojang has really suffered under their iron fist rule for a long time now. Microsoft has been trying to push Mojang to other games and Mojang, due to Microsoft's restrictions, is unable to function as it's own entity anymore. Any drama with updates? Updates too long? Missing out on content from certain updates? Caused by the copyright being owned by Microsoft. Make no mistake, I'm not defending Mojang, they aren't a small little indie company like they say they are- they're owned by one of the biggest goddamn companies in the world. Microsoft has been working on this movie for a goddamn decade and has been working on this concept specifically for almost four years, and this is what they came up with? It's nightmarish. Knowing them they'll try and push it onto the people that actually play the game too, god forbid.

Don't let them ruin our game. Don't give them your money. Watch something worth your time.

[thecharacterchronicler]

He’s All That I’ve Got || William H. Bonney x Reader || Smut

Outline: Your lover is on the run but he pays you a heated visit.

Word Count: 1’925

Warnings: Explicit smut.

Author’s note: this is Prompt # 25, sorry if it’s totally off, I just started the show.

You woke up to the sound of birds in the trees surrounding the small shack you lived in, stirring in your bed. The other side of the matress was cold, which was a regular occurrence lately, reminding you that you were about to spend another day on your own.

You got up and got dressed, not putting many efforts in fixing your appearance since no one - apart from the few animals you kept - was going to see it. You put your boots on under your dress and tied an apron around your hips before you stepped outside, the fresh morning dew covering the high grass surrounding the shack tickling your ankles as you walked to the chicken coop.

You opened the door and greeted your two chickens, finding it oddly comforting to have at least them to keep you company on the isolated land you had settled on. You gathered some of the eggs they laid, carefully placing them in the pocket of your apron. Then, you inspected a hole in the fence around their enclosure, adding repairing it to your long list of chores.

After you ate your breakfast on the porch, you washed your clothes in a bucket of cold water, struggling to take out some of the grass stains from your skirts. It’s only once most of your outfits were back to having an acceptable appearance that you carried them to the long clothesline that hung between two pillars behind the house. You methodically placed each item over it, knowing that the warm summer breeze will have them dry in no time.

You picked your empty basket back up, a sigh escaping your lips as the stray cat that relied on you for food came to rub its fur against your legs, a clear attempt at charming you into giving him an extra meal today.

You probably would have gave in, unable to resist its big green eyes and its soft meows, but something in the distance called for your attention. A moving form was quickly approaching, a horse not even following the dirt road but galloping straight through the meadow of tall grass, mounted by a dark silhouette you weren’t sure you recognized that far off in the horizon.

You quickly retreated back inside the small house, grabbing your Lancaster pistol from its place on your nightstand. You went back out on the porch, awaiting your mysterious visitor prepared to fend for yourself if you had to… But all your mistrust vanished like snow in the sun when you finally were able to distinguish the traits of the man. He was a wanted man, a notorious criminal, always on the run… But still, you ran to him, holding your skirt up high as you rushed through tall grass and wildflowers.

When he saw you, he stopped his horse and jumped down to meet you halfway, catching you in his arms as soon as you collided against him.

“You’re back !” You exclaimed, emotion seizing you at the throat as you buried your face against his chest, wondering if it was yet another dream or if it was really him, returning home.

“Told you I’d always come back to you.” He said, his arms tightly holding your body against his.

“I know, but I’m always so afraid that something might happen and I wouldn’t see you ever again…”

His fingers gently caressed your cheek before lifting your chin up to him, so that he could kiss your lips. He smiled at you reassuringly and, for a moment, you got so profoundly lost into his blue eyes that you didn’t immediately notice all the cuts and injuries on his face.

“You’re hurt !”

“Just a few scratches.” He retorted, but still winced when you traced a particularly deep cut above his eyebrow with your thumb.

“Come inside, I’ll patch you up.”

You walked together to the shack and he led his horse to the small shelter he had built for it. He spread hay for him and you filled a bucket with fresh water for the animal to drink before you went back inside, followed closely by Billy.

You pulled your pistol out of your apron’s pocket and placed it on the kitchen table as he took a seat on the chair next to it. You heard him chuckle as you rummaged through the kitchen cabinets, in search of what you needed to take care of his wounds.

“I see you were ready to welcome some unwanted visitors.” He remarked, his eyes on your weapon.

“Always.” You replied and he smiled at you with a spark of approval in his eyes. After all, he had been the one to teach you to shoot a gun, and he had been particularly adamant that you had one with you at all times, instructing you to not hesitate to shoot first and ask questions later.

You poured some liquor on a napkin and dabbed it on his forehead, making him wince in pain. He grabbed the bottle from the table and took a big sip out of it, in search of a bit of courage to endure the pain as you carefully disinfected each wound on his face.

Then, he began unbuttoning his shirt and you tended to a few more cuts on his chest, shaking your head at the amount of injuries he had came back with.

“I guess I shouldn’t ask you what happened.”

“Better not.” He replied, his hand clenching on the table as you took care of the last wound.

Once you were done, you threw the napkin and his shirt in the corner of the room, as a reminder to wash them and add them to the clothesline. He sighed in relief, glad that you were done, and took one more sip out of the bottle before you put it away in the cabinet.

“You must be starving. I have a few eggs left, I can boil them or fry them…” You suggested, rushing back to the kitchen to get your stove started but he stood up and came to place his arms around you from behind.

You could feel the warmth of his bare chest pressing against your back as you leaned back into him and you both watched the lonely meadow swaying in the wind, through the window.

“I’m hungry for something else.” He whispered in your ear and you felt yourself blushing, his calloused hands travelling up to your chest.

You allowed him to feel your breast, kneading them tenderly before turning in his arms to face him. You stood on your tiptoes to kiss him, desperate to show him just how much you had missed him.

He kissed you back eagerly, hungry for your lips, for your body, for you. He dropped to his knees in front of you and slowly brought your skirt up your legs, one of his hand caressed its way from your ankle to your knee before getting you to place your leg over his shoulder. His head disappeared under the fabric of your skirt, only allowing you to feel him tugging and pulling to move your underwear out of his way. You leaned back against the stove for support, both hands clutching the edge behind you.

You felt the warmth of his tongue slide between your folds and gasped in surprise, not so used to the sensation anymore. He lapped at your core, his tongue dancing around your clit before plunging inside you, repeating the tantalizing movements over and over again until your legs felt weak. Your body contracted and you slightly lost your balance, merely able to catch yourself before collapsing from the intensity building in the pit of your stomach. He showed you no mercy, hungrily tasting you until you loudly moaned with pleasure as it rushed like a tidal wave through your entire body, your arousal coating his tongue.

He kissed the side of your knee that was hooked over his shoulder, bringing his head back to look at you with his pretty blue eyes, satisfaction on his face.

When he stood up, he kissed you once more, allowing you to taste yourself on his lips. Then, he placed his hands on his hips and turned you around, peppering your neck with wet kisses as he once again tugged your skirt up.

Now facing the calm meadow behind the window, you pressed most of your weight on the stove for support, your legs still trembling from your previous orgasm. He didn’t allow you much time to recover, his hard cock slamming inside you as deeply as possible, your soaked core welcoming the intrusion with ease.

You whimpered, your body still so sensitive to each touch, from the way he kept kissing your skin to the way his front hit against your ass, the tip of his erection bumping into a heavenly pleasant spot deep in you.

You started feeling weak again and, this time, he seemed to notice, his arms coming around you to support you as he increased the rythym of his thrusts, barely letting you catch your breath between each loud moan that escaped your lips.

You felt dizzy as again, pleasure exploded inside you, making your whole body go numb and weak as you cried out his name. He groaned against your ear, stopping his frenetic movements to fill you up with his own relief, his cock buried inside you as deeply as you could take it.

You turned your face to kiss him, feeling his hands exploring your body, now tugging on your shirt to take it off. He got you naked in front of him in no time, your thighs glistening with a mix of his cum and your own arousal. His eyes roamed your body, his lips and fingers touching you everywhere in an almost desperate manner.

You traced the wounds on his chest, reddened and inflamed in reaction to the liquor you had applied to his skin as a disinfectant but he was still too blissfully spent to feel any pain this time. He lifted you in his arms, carrying your naked body to the bed where he laid you down. You saw him take his pants completely off before he climbed on top of you, his cock already hard again, pressing against your stomach as he hungrily sucked on your lower lip.

“I don’t think I can take more…” You panted, in reaction to him already positioning your leg over his hip.

“But I’m not done with you yet, sweet girl.” He said, looking at your heaving chest and flushed face. The hunger in his eyes still nowhere near satiated.

Your heart sunk a little in your chest. You knew that when he was this eager to have you, keeping you awake all night long and making sure that you’d barely be able to walk on the next day, it usually meant that he was planning on leaving you again… For a long time. He needed to get his fix of you and you desperately needed yours too, the idea of being without him again, not knowing where he was or what he was doing wasn’t pleasant but it was the life you had chosen, out of love and devotion for him.

You took a deep breath and hooked your other leg over his back, his cock entering you once more and immediately sliding in and out of your already sore pussy at an intensive pace. You focused your attention on his face, his eyes fixed to yours as he rocked his hips on top of you. You gave him a tired smile, already feeling the intensity of another explosive orgasm bubbling inside your core. You closed your eyes, getting ready to embrace the violent climax he was about to provoke yet again, determined to enjoy the warmth of his body in the bed next to yours for as long as it lasted.

♡ - (( Tip Jar )) - ♡

[goddamndesign]

Outdoor Kitchen - Outdoor Kitchen A huge, traditional backyard concrete patio kitchen design example without a cover

[kvetchlandia]

Thomas Hoepker Charles Bukowskim Los Angeles 1986

call it the greenhouse effect or whatever but it just doesn't rain like it used to. I particularly remember the rains of the depression era. there wasn't any money but there was plenty of rain. it wouldn't rain for just a night or a day, it would RAIN for 7 days and 7 nights and in Los Angeles the storm drains weren't built to carry off that much water and the rain came down THICK and MEAN and STEADY and you HEARD it banging against the roofs and into the ground waterfalls of it came down from roofs and there was HAIL big ROCKS OF ICE bombing exploding smashing into things and the rain just wouldn't STOP and all the roofs leaked- dishpans, cooking pots were placed all about; they dripped loudly and had to be emptied again and again. the rain came up over the street curbings, across the lawns, climbed up the steps and entered the houses. there were mops and bathroom towels, and the rain often came up through the toilets:bubbling, brown, crazy,whirling, and all the old cars stood in the streets, cars that had problems starting on a sunny day, and the jobless men stood looking out the windows at the old machines dying like living things out there. the jobless men, failures in a failing time were imprisoned in their houses with their wives and children and their pets. the pets refused to go out and left their waste in strange places. the jobless men went mad confined with their once beautiful wives. there were terrible arguments as notices of foreclosure fell into the mailbox. rain and hail, cans of beans, bread without butter;fried eggs, boiled eggs, poached eggs; peanut butter sandwiches, and an invisible chicken in every pot. my father, never a good man at best, beat my mother when it rained as I threw myself between them, the legs, the knees, the screams until they separated. "I'll kill you," I screamed at him. "You hit her again and I'll kill you!" "Get that son-of-a-bitching kid out of here!" "no, Henry, you stay with your mother!" all the households were under siege but I believe that ours held more terror than the average. and at night as we attempted to sleep the rains still came down and it was in bed in the dark watching the moon against the scarred window so bravely holding out most of the rain, I thought of Noah and the Ark and I thought, it has come again. we all thought that. and then, at once, it would stop. and it always seemed to stop around 5 or 6 a.m., peaceful then, but not an exact silence because things continued to drip drip drip

and there was no smog then and by 8 a.m. there was a blazing yellow sunlight, Van Gogh yellow- crazy, blinding! and then the roof drains relieved of the rush of water began to expand in the warmth: PANG!PANG!PANG! and everybody got up and looked outside and there were all the lawns still soaked greener than green will ever be and there were birds on the lawn CHIRPING like mad, they hadn't eaten decently for 7 days and 7 nights and they were weary of berries and they waited as the worms rose to the top, half drowned worms. the birds plucked them up and gobbled them down;there were blackbirds and sparrows. the blackbirds tried to drive the sparrows off but the sparrows, maddened with hunger, smaller and quicker, got their due. the men stood on their porches smoking cigarettes, now knowing they'd have to go out there to look for that job that probably wasn't there, to start that car that probably wouldn't start. and the once beautiful wives stood in their bathrooms combing their hair, applying makeup, trying to put their world back together again, trying to forget that awful sadness that gripped them, wondering what they could fix for breakfast. and on the radio we were told that school was now open. and soon there I was on the way to school, massive puddles in the street, the sun like a new world, my parents back in that house, I arrived at my classroom on time. Mrs. Sorenson greeted us with, "we won't have our usual recess, the grounds are too wet." "AW!" most of the boys went. "but we are going to do something special at recess," she went on, "and it will be fun!" well, we all wondered what that would be and the two hour wait seemed a long time as Mrs.Sorenson went about teaching her lessons. I looked at the little girls, they looked so pretty and clean and alert, they sat still and straight and their hair was beautiful in the California sunshine. the the recess bells rang and we all waited for the fun. then Mrs. Sorenson told us: "now, what we are going to do is we are going to tell each other what we did during the rainstorm! we'll begin in the front row and go right around! now, Michael, you're first!. . ." well, we all began to tell our stories, Michael began and it went on and on, and soon we realized that we were all lying, not exactly lying but mostly lying and some of the boys began to snicker and some of the girls began to give them dirty looks and Mrs.Sorenson said, "all right! I demand a modicum of silence here! I am interested in what you did during the rainstorm even if you aren't!" so we had to tell our stories and they were stories. one girl said that when the rainbow first came she saw God's face at the end of it. only she didn't say which end. one boy said he stuck his fishing pole out the window and caught a little fish and fed it to his cat. almost everybody told a lie. the truth was just too awful and embarrassing to tell. then the bell rang and recess was over. "thank you," said Mrs. Sorenson, "that was very nice. and tomorrow the grounds will be dry and we will put them to use again." most of the boys cheered and the little girls sat very straight and still, looking so pretty and clean and alert, their hair beautiful in a sunshine that the world might never see again. and

-- Charles Bukowski, "We Ain't Got No Money, Honey, But We Got Rain" 1990