#buffy summers wants the cringe lovesick vamp in her kitchen so bad your honor

[raisedbythetv89]

OK.

ALRIGHT.

It’s official…I’ve gone insane but it’s all their fault for being such insanely talented actors who gave so much nuance to their performances

I hadn’t given this moment in “Crush” the attention it deserves but the reason it’s so important is this is the first time Buffy lays eyes on Spike after Dawn tells her Spike is completely in love with her and Spike is literally at her house charming her family and planning to ask her out on their first date NOT date aka the biggest and boldest move he has made in an attempt to move them from enemies to lovers

She’s been going on and onnnn about how sick and wrong it is and how freaked out she is about the idea of “the slayer” and “the slayer of slayers” in love since she found out BUT THEN SHE ACTUALLY LAYS EYES ON HIM AND SEES HIM FITTING PERFECTLY INTO HER FAMILY AND LIFE AND MAKING HER MOM SMILE AND HER SISTER FEEL NORMAL AND SAFE and she has this like soft shocked bewilderment and she’s looking to him like “care to explain why you’re sitting on my kitchen counter rn?” (them having secret conversations with just their eyes in front of her family makes me insane 😩) and not one single look of disgust that she’s been claiming to feel all day because she’s surprised and therefore her guards aren’t up

And he’s got his terrified deer in headlights look he gets every time he first sees her unexpectedly 😭

and it’s SO CUTE because he is so terrified and he knows this is lunacy and the idea of them is insane and makes no sense but still in his heart of hearts he is a brave, vulnerable romantic. Shooting his shot just like he did with Cecily because “fella’s gotta try” compared to Angel who stalked her for over a YEAR before introducing himself and was the most wishy-washy, bread crumbing mother fucker when it came to actually being with her and Riley who had to be told he liked her and then had to get a bunch of help from Willow before he even made a move. Riley and Angel are genuinely both cowards who want to play the hero but never truly had the courage to do so which is why they always infantilized and shamed/guilted Buffy into being smaller to make them feel bigger which is the CORE of why Spike is literally the only one of all of Buffy’s romantic interests worthy of her because of his bravery, despite knowing with the utmost certainty he will fail and get hurt over and over again, that doesn’t stop him from trying anyway. He’s the only one brave enough and tbh crazy enough to love Buffy Summers in the ways she both needs and deserves.

And I SWEAR the softness in her gaze and overall demeanor of dazed bewilderment and considering what she’s seeing in front of her just gives off this vibe to me that a part of her really likes the scene she’s walked into, the part of her Dawn represents that’s considering, again (but now with new light because I think she’s already considered it after “Something Blue”) what her life would be like if she dated Spike. It’s this TINY MOMENT of her girlhood that still exists under her slayer armor shining through - she’s seeing her (forbidden) crush after finding out she’s his (forbidden) crush too and he’s in her kitchen!! Making an effort with her family and he’s so CUTE and laughing and she basically classic Buffy swoons over a cute boy for just a second before her armor is back on and it’s actually too much for me

AND SPIKE uggghh 😭 he shifts sitting up taller like his inner William standing up when his lady walks in combined with his punk persona that meets every challenge head on but always with a bit of attitude and swagger. Already ready for the battle that is William the Bloody trying to love The Slayer.

This tiny moment of unspoken communication and body language perfectly encompasses what they both bring out in and give to each other and I’m obsessed. Spike brings out the abandoned young girl who is soft and vulnerable and just needs love and support and Buffy gives our brave, big-hearted, protective warrior looking for his place of belonging and people finally worthy of his love that he can care for and protect.

Am I insane for writing all of this about a 2 second clip? Yes, yes I am but this moment is IMPORTANT and it happens so quickly yet it contains so much and completely backs up what I already knew about this episode which was that the only reason Buffy was making such a big deal about Spike being in love with her is because she’s VERY attracted to him but that was so much easier to ignore before she knew the feelings were reciprocated. If she didn’t care about Spike she wouldn’t care about his feelings because they would be of no consequence to her but now…. her crush on her mortal enemy that’s killed two slayers wasn’t a big deal because it was literally never gonna happen…… suddenly could happen and she was SO unprepared for how to handle all of that and so overcompensating the entire episode and beyond 😹😹😹 because also it’s been well established how perceptive Spike is about how people are doing and what they’re feeling so when he says he knows there is something between them he’s not being delusional he is right on the money which freaks her out even more because how could he know about something she didn’t know about herself AGAIN 😹