#bucky had a good reason to fixate | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

vbecker10 · 3 months ago

Note

Hey love, how are you doing? Hope you’re all good. Could you write a Bucky x fem!reader who has an eating disorder, but she hides it from the team and she does it successfully, but on one mission she passes out, which is weird because she’s one of the best. She says it was just because she didn’t feel well and everyone believes her, but not Bucky. He senses that something’s off and eventually finds out, because he leaves reader no choice but to tell him, and so she does.

I’m struggling with my ed and I would love it, but if you don’t want to write this, it’s totally fine! I am a huge fan of your work💚

I Want You to be Healthy

Pairing: Bucky x female reader (Y/N) - established relationship / reader has an eating disorder

Summary: You pass out on the way to the jet after a successful mission. The team quickly accepts the excuse that you don't feel well but Bucky knows you well enough to know that you're lying. As soon as you are alone together, Bucky pushes you to open up to him about what truly made you pass out.

Warnings: Eating disorder, passing out, denying you have an eating disorder, feeling insecure about your weight & body image, keeping secrets from your friends and boyfriend, relapsing eating disorder

Background: Female reader has an Eating Disorder (a combination of anorexia and bulimia). Reader has the following behaviors: Skipping meals, frequent checking in the mirror for precieved flaws, constantly using a scale and tracking their weight, eating alone and at odd times of the day / night, exercising more frequently and more intensely than needed, not taking rest days or days off for injury, using the restroom soon after eating, making their own meals rather than eating what the team eats, often complains about needing to be healthy and talks about having to lose weight or gain muscle, thinking they are in control of their eating habits

A/N: Hi my lovely anon, I'm so sorry to hear you are struggling with your ED, I hope you can focus on yourself and get the help you need. I'm here if you want someone to listen 💚 Thank you for trusting me with this, I tried not to focus too much on the specific type of eating disorder since there are a few but I found some similarities between them when I was doing my research. I used those symptoms for this to make it a bit general. I hope this is okay 💚

I didn't tag too many people in this because I wasn't sure who exactly to tag, I won't be offend if you skip this 💚

Steve walks at the front of the group, one hand firmly gripped around the arm of a captured Hydra officer, her hands cuffed tightly behind her back. The mission was simple enough and more of you had gone than was needed but you couldn't pass up the opportunity to be out in the field. It was the only place you felt you belonged, where you could show the others on the team you were good enough to be here.

When Bucky had knocked on your door earlier this afternoon and asked if you were free to join them, you agreed eagerly. It was a welcome distraction from what you had been doing for the last hour, standing in front of your full length mirror, scrutinizing every inch of your body. The flaws in your physique are so glaringly obvious to you, you couldn't help but fixate on where you need to lose fat or gain muscle.

Bucky had smirked when you answered your door to him in nothing but a towel, he assumed you were having a lazy day after a relaxing shower. You hugged him tightly and told him you would get ready for the mission. There was no point in telling him what you had really been doing. A super soldier could never understand your daily struggle with your weight or the constant drive to be perfect. None of the Avengers could.

Natasha and Clint follow the captain closely, another captive officer walks with his head down between them as they discuss dinner. They quickly decide that since its Friday, they should get take out when they get back. There was no reason to make an excuse of course, take out was the easy option. Most of the team was either too busy to cook or had simply never been taught how to.

This meant you had to be even more careful because the food that was ordered was never healthy. Soon after you joined, you learned that it was easier to prepare all of your own food and eat in your room. Eating away from the team also meant they couldn't ask why your portions were what they considered small or why you were eating much later than them. It was none of their business anyways, you had told yourself often. As much as you would have liked their company, it was better this way. You could focus on your weight and health instead of answering all of their questions or dealing with their concerned opinions.

Bucky chuckles as he slips his arm around your waist, unaware of your thoughts. "I'm voting for spaghetti and meatballs, not that anyone asked me," he joins his friends conversation but you are barely listening.

Natasha checks to make sure Clint has a firm hold of the captive then she effortlessly turns, walking backwards smoothly through the thick leaves. "What do you want for dinner, Y/N?" she asks you with a smile, pointedly ignoring Bucky's comment which gets a laugh from Clint.

You don't answer, too distracted by the pain that is spreading deep in your stomach, the one that means you've almost reached your limit between meals. When you get back, you'll need to find something to eat, even if that means more time in the gym.

"Earth to Y/N," the spy waves at you to get your attention. When you make eye contact with her, she again asks what you want for dinner.

You shrug in response, the pain in your stomach growing as you walk. You know the type of answer she is looking for. Pizza, Thai, sushi. You could easily suggest any one of a hundred things but you can't. If you did, you would be expected to join them and that isn't something you are willing to do.

"Don't bother," Clint says when you are silent for a few more steps. His tone is relaxed but you worry he can tell what you are thinking. "You know Y/N never eats anything we order. We don't get anything healthy enough for her," he reminds Natasha. "Too much grease and fat and deliciousness."

"It's not my fault I'm the only one at the Tower worried about my figure," you roll your eyes at him.

Bucky laughs, his hand squeezes your waist, a part of your body you've always been self conscious about. "Your figure is perfect, doll," he smiles and you wish you could believe him but it's not that easy.

Natasha turns back to Clint, not missing a step and pats his stomach once. "Maybe you could learn something from her," she jokes.

"Hey!" he calls after her, sounding like an annoyed sibling. She laughs, jogging lightly towards Steve to hold the female officer while he opens the hatch.

Your ears begin to ring and the trees in the forest around you blend together, becoming hazy. Bucky kisses the top of your head and asks you a question but you can barely make out what he is saying. His voice is just above the ringing that vibrates in your mind. He looks down at you, his expression quickly turning to concern as he says your name but you don't respond.

You're light-headed and suddenly feel cold as your vision blurs more of your surroundings together. You take one more small step and stop, unable to continue forward. Bucky's hold on you tightens but you can't make out his words. You recognize what's happening to your body but only a second before you lose consciousness.

"Y/N," you hear Bucky say your name softly as he runs his metal fingers through your hair gently. Opening your eyes with a quiet groan, the jet gradually comes into focus but everything is sideways. You turn your head to look up at Bucky and realize your resting on his lap. "Slowly doll," he says, helping you sit up in the seat next to him.

"You okay?" Clint asks from the seat across from you.

You nod, still a bit dizzy, "Yeah."

"You had us all worried," Bucky says, his eyes not leaving you.

You shrug, hoping a few simple lies will calm everyone including yourself. It's been almost three years since you passed out from not eating. The last time it happened, your eating disorder had spiraled out of control for the second time and your family urged you to get treatment. It couldn't be happening again though, you think desperately. You are in control of your eating habits this time, you had just accidentally gone too long without eating.

"I felt kinda sick this morning. I know I probably should have stayed home but this sounded like a really quick mission," you offer an explanation that sounds likely.

"Next time you tell us if you don't feel well enough to go out," Steve says sternly from the pilot seat of the jet.

"Will do cap," you plaster on a smile to hide the wince from the dull ache in your stomach and salute him. This earns you a huff and a dramatic eye roll from the blonde super soldier.

"Good, can't let anything happen to the second best spy on the team," Natasha says with a smirk as she opens some files on her tablet.

You force out a small laugh, "Second best?" Then you look at Bucky who still hasn't taken his eyes off of you. He doesn't seem to have accepted your excuse as readily as everyone else but he also knows you better than anyone. "Are you going to let her talk about your girl like that?" Hoping the joke with Nat will distract him from his concern for you.

Bucky responds with a smile almost as fake as yours and says, "Of course not doll."

"Hey," Tony says when he spots you coming towards him in the hall. "How are you feeling? I heard to passed out in the field today."

"I'm okay, just a bit dehydrated," you tell him, holding up your bottle of water as proof.

"Okay, just try to be more careful next time," he tells you and you agree to as you continuing towards your room. "You're not gonna eat with us? Nat ordered from this new Mexican place."

"I'm still feeling a little off," you touch your forehead lightly and he nods. It's an easy excuse and it slips out before you even realize you've said it. You take a few more steps down the hall then add, "I'll see you all in the morning for training, though."

"Only if you're feeling up to it," he says and you give him an enthusiastic thumbs up. He smiles, shaking his head when you turn away from him again. "You're allowed a rest day you know," he calls after you. You continue towards your room without responding, you know that's not true.

A soft knock on your door interrupts your reading and you get up to see who it is. "Hi Bucky," you greet your boyfriend warmly but he doesn't offer you a hug or even a smile in return.

"Can we talk?" he asks in a serious tone and you nod, letting him in as your heart races. Those three words send panic through your body in an instant. You freeze as he takes a seat on the edge of your bed, rubbing his hands together anxiously. "Come sit, doll," he taps the bed next to him lightly without looking at you, his eyes still fixed on his hands.

You walk over and sit next to him silently. What do you two need to talk about that is making him this uneasy, you think. The only answer that surfaces is that he's come to end your eight month relationship, but why? Did you do something wrong, had you forgotten something, your mind races in search of an answer.

He takes your hand in his metal one gently and takes a breath to steady himself which only makes you more nervous. "Y/N," he starts slowly, "I love you so much, you know that right?" He lifts his head to look at you and you nod, too anxious to speak.

"I'm going to ask you this once," he says, "And please, don't lie to me." You bite your bottom lip, searching his face for any hint of his question. "Why did you really pass out on the mission today?" he asks.

You feel the smallest hint of relief that this isn't about your relationship but then you are instantly filled with a different type of fear. Has Bucky figured out what you've been hiding from him, from everyone? Does he know about your eating disorder returning and your worry that you're losing control? Your mind fills with all of your most easily accepted excuses, hoping that you can convince him you are okay.

Before you can open your mouth, he shakes his head. "I need the truth doll," almost as if he can see the lies forming.

"I-" your words stick in your throat and you look away from Bucky, your eyes roaming around your small room. You focus on the high tech scale positioned in front of the tall, full length mirror you spend so much of your time in front of.

He cups your cheek, bringing your eyes back to his, "Talk to me. I can't help if I don't know what's wrong, Y/N."

"I'm fine, I promise," you tell him in the most sincere voice you can, kissing his cheek softly. "I told you, I was just feeling a little under the weather today. It's not a big deal."

"You didn't eat again today," he states, no hint of a question in his tone. You're in too much shock to begin defending your reasoning for skipping a meals when he adds, "You've been missing meals a lot lately, haven't you?"

You nod, suddenly feeling caught which makes you feel both guilty and embarrassed. Bucky is the one person on the team you have always been able to confide in, even before you started dating but this was something you wanted to keep even from him. It was the reason you forced yourself to eat when you went on dates with him but you always found a way to excuse yourself and use the bathroom soon after. Had he noticed that too, you worry.

"How long do you think you can go without eating?" he asks but you don't want to admit you know the answer. Since college, you've developed a pretty good sense for how long you can go between meals, today truly had been a miscalculation. Instead you simply shrug as you guage whether or not you can convince Bucky you missed those meals by accident.

"Y/N," he says when you are quiet. "You can't keep doing this."

You chew the inside of your cheek, this conversation reminding you too much of the one you had with your parents the first time they caught you hiding and throwing away your food. Your eyes flicker away from his and back as you start to realize you might be struggling more than you thought.

His jaw tightens and his gaze follows yours to the scale and mirror then he sighs. "I should throw those stupid things out," he says, more to himself then to you.

"No," you respond quickly and he furrows his brows when he looks back at you. "I need them," you try to explain, your body tensing at the thought of being without them even though they do nothing but cause you anxiety and distress. "I have to keep checking..." your voice trails off, you don't want to open up any further. You don't want Bucky you judge you.

"Checking what?" Bucky asks, hoping you will let him in.

"I have to keep checking my weight," you finish and you find yourself suddenly unable to hold the rest in. "I've always been just a little over from where I need to be with my weight." You look down at your body as you sit next to him, you can easily envision all the flaws you saw in the mirror this morning. "I'll get there, I'm close," you tell him as if he's the one you need to convince and not the small voice that dictates what you can and cannot eat.

You had been focused on your weight for almost your whole adult life and never reached your target. It doesn't matter that the target keeps shrinking anytime you are even remotely close. A few times, you had almost reached the number you thought would finally mean you were perfect only for the small voice to disagree. It would insist you could still lose more weight or you had put on too much muscle or needed more muscle or any number of things. Each time your goal changed, your eating habits became stricter and your workouts became more intense.

Bucky cups your cheek, his thumb brushing your skin lightly, "What are you talking about? You're in the best shape of anyone on the team. You're perf-"

"No," you shake your head, pulling free from his fingers. "I'm far from perfect, you of all people should know that. You're a super soldier, you were practically built to be perfect," you tell him and Bucky's metal hand twiches as he removes it from your waist. "I knew you wouldn't understand," you add with deep a sigh.

"I want to understand. I'm worried about you," Bucky says but you don't look at him.

"You don't need to worry about me," you say, shifting away from him on the bed. You feel yourself becoming defensive and worried he will want you to stop checking your weight and eat more. "I'm fine, I told you. Why can't you just leave it alone?"

"Because you're not fine," he says, his voice raising a bit to show his frustration, not at you but with the situation. "You don't eat, Y/N, not nearly enough and I've seen the way you push yourself too hard when we train. I kept telling myself you knew what you were doing and you would stop if you needed to but then today..." he shakes his head as his voice trails off for a moment.

"Today was an accident," you insist but you're less sure of yourself then you had been. "I have it under control. If I had known about the mission beforehand, I wouldn't have gotten sick."

"You didn't get sick, you passed out," he says and you can see he's becoming more upset by the conversation and the fact that you will not listen to him. "What if that had happened in the middle of the mission? What if we had been somewhere more dangerous and I couldn't get to you? You've gone on solo missions, no one would have known what happened to you."

You get up quickly, needing to distance yourself from Bucky's questions and concern and the doubt they are creating in you. You pace around your room, trying to absorb his words but you don't want to believe he's right. You don't want to admit that you're not okay again.

Without realizing it, you walk towards your mirror and tap the scale with your foot. Bucky gets up, coming over to you but your eyes are fixed on the scale. You tap it again and it turns on, the zeros blinking slowly as you remember the number that stared at you this morning.

"I get that your worried about your weight-" he starts but you cut him off.

"Of course I'm worried about it," you look up, folding your arms around your body tightly. "You have no idea how easy it is to gain weight, one little slip and I could lose all my progress. I have to watch everything I eat and workout so I can be good enough to be here, so I can be perfect," you voice your inner thoughts to Bucky for the first time. "I can't just stop," you tell him.

He moves closer to you, removing the empty space you created between the two of you and you begin to feel nervous again. "I want you to be healthy," he takes your hand in his, pulling you away from the scale.

"So do I, that's why I need to do this," you argue but you feel defeated, as if you are only moments from admitting you know he is right.

He shakes his head, his metal arm rests on your lower back, pulling you closer to him. "What you're doing is the opposite of being healthy, doll. Can you see that?"

You look up at him, seeing the concern fill his eyes and you know you can't deny it any longer. You bite your lip and nod slowly, "I think I need help."

"I'm here doll," he responds softly.

"This isn't-" you struggle to find the words and he gives you time, holding you quietly. "This isn't the first time this has happened," you tell him honestly. Bucky holds you silently as you tell him about your struggles with your eating disorder and how you have relapsed previously after getting treatment. He doesn't ask questions or interrupt you, his hand moves gently up and down your back as you open up completely. When you finish, he wipes your tears softly and kisses your forehead.

"I thought I was okay," you tell him, your voice breaking. He pulls you flush against his body, wrapping his arms around you.

"You will be," he assures you and you rest your head on his chest, hoping he is right. "You are the strongest person I have ever met, you can do this. I will help you any way I can, I promise."

You pull away to look up at him, realizing you'll be gone for at least a few months for treatment. "What am I going to tell everyone?" you ask him, feeling a wave of shame wash over you. It was one thing to break down and admit to Bucky that you had an eating disorder but it was an entirely different thing for the Avengers to find out. "I don't want the team to know," you shake your head, worried about their reactions.

He cups your cheek and you look up at him again, "Don't worry about the team or anything else, doll. I will take care of them and everything else. The only thing I want you to do is focus on getting better, on being healthy again." He gives you a hopeful smile and says, "I'll tell them we're going to visit your family. Fury will approve the time off, it shouldn't be an issue."

You sniffle in response then smile slowly, "We?"

He nods, "If that's okay with you. I know there are things you'll need to do alone, but I want to be close, in case you need me. I want to be there for you, every step of the way."

You wipe a tear quickly with the back of your hand and nod, unable to express how much Bucky's offer means to you in words. Instead, you reach up and press your lips to his softly, holding onto him tightly. Pulling away slightly, you look into his eyes and tell him, "I love you."

He smiles, running his fingers through your hair gently, his metal arm still holding you close. "I love you too, Y/N. You will be okay, I promise you will get through this."

I hope you liked this!! Please like, share and comment if you did 💚💚

@soubi001 @mochie85 @animnerd @cabingrlandrandomcrap @lulubelle814 @siconetribal @jiyascepter @loz-3 @firedrakegirl @dracoswhorexx @lokiandbuckysdoll

478 notes · View notes

pietropatrol · 4 months ago

Text

The Love You Want (Part 2/2)

Read Part 1

Pietro Maximoff was a great teammate and a great "friends with benefits." That was, until you fell for him but he started to push you away. Now he was just a teammate with benefits. A charity gala put on by Tony causes tension between you and the speedster. Why is he so upset anyway?

Pairing: Pietro x Reader

Warnings: sexual content, pining idiots, language, angst, past trauma, jealousy

Words: 3,359

The prestigious doctors Tony had wanted you to schmooze were an easy conversation for two reasons.

One being you were a medical professional yourself. You were just a nurse practitioner in terms of your degree, but they were curious about how you used it in the field as an Avenger. Two, you were a walking medical miracle.

The serum had made you not only able to let your body heal itself, but heal others. Though the latter was to a certain extent and you had learned that the hard way.

The rule now was to stabilize with your powers if necessary, then treat medically until out of combat. Your powers could be depleted if you used them extensively on others, to the point your body is unable to heal yourself.

Bucky slid up to your side with another drink after a few minutes. He inclined his head to you and you nodded in return.

You would be okay… eventually. Would your heartache last for a few months? Yes. Pietro had been a fixation in your life for the last 2 years. You had never even entertained the thought of trying to be with someone else, officially or casually.

Why would you? You trusted no one outside of your team. At the rate it took to trust someone, it would be a decade before you’d be able to even try. You’d probably have to up your therapy sessions now too.

When the band started up after their break, Bucky excused the pair of you and pulled you over to the dance floor.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked quietly.

You shrugged, trying to ignore the sting returning to your eyes. “I basically told him I loved him, and then I broke it off.”

“Did he say anything?”

“No, he didn’t seem to know what to say.” Your voice was tight. “And when he did, I kept spewing my feelings at him. Like if I didn’t get it all out it was going to eat me alive.”

“And how do you feel now?” Bucky glanced over your shoulder, face neutral at whoever he made eye contact with.

“Is it pathetic of me to feel empty? How could I become so dependent on him? After everything that’s happened to me?”

Bucky’s gaze softened on you. “Y/N, you’re not pathetic. You love Pietro, and he isn’t your ex. It’s okay that you are attached to him.”

You hummed in response, not knowing what else to say.

“I am going to give you my observation, okay? Pietro loves you too.”

You started to disagree.

Bucky shook his head. “He has been stalking you since the moment you came back out here. His eyes have not left you. I’ve been watching him circle this atrium, ignore his date, and try to approach you multiple times.”

“I told you, he’s possessive.”

“Why would he be if he didn’t love you? Sure, some other men out there may be possessive without love, but I’ve seen how protective he is of you too. On missions, he’s not ever far from you. And, I bet if I start putting the moves on you again he’s going to stop being a scared-cat and finally come over here.”

“I’m just that good in bed is all, he doesn’t want to lose that,” you joked, though the words sounded hollow to your ears.

Bucky rolled his eyes and pulled you in closer as he dipped his heads towards you.

You didn’t even have time to pull your head back as you were swept into the arms of Pietro and on the other side of the dance floor.

Bucky gave you a look that was clearly an ‘I told you so’ and went back to the bar.

“I don’t share, Y/N. I’ve told you this,” Pietro growled and it made your knees weak. Why was him being a possessive asshole hot to you?

“And I thought I told you it was best for us to end whatever this is?” You gave him a pointed look.

“So you jump right on the next available teammate?”

“Sure, that’s what that was,” you spat. “Bucky is my new fuck buddy.”

Pietro paused from leading you around the dance floor and narrowed his eyes in on you, searching for something.

You stuck your chin out at him and didn’t speak a word. He could be the one to determine if that was true or not. If that was what he thought of you, so be it.

“I’m selfish,” he admitted quietly. “I’ve been selfish with you and I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“Saying for everything would be an easy out, but you deserve more than that.” His hand delicately curled into your waist. Your instincts screamed to move closer to him, to create more contact.

“You can start with bringing my own personal nemesis to this event, and starving me beforehand. I can’t scarf down the hors d’oeuvres without worrying I am going to end up on the ‘don’t’ section of their ‘Do’s and Don’ts’ column,” you replied, throwing a glare at Sierra who was already glaring at you.

“You may end up in that section anyway for stealing her date.” He grinned teasingly down at you and your heart raced. It felt friendly in a way it hadn’t been for a long time.

“Her date actually stole me from mine, why do they always blame women for men’s actions?” You scowled.

“Are you really here with Barnes officially?”

“I would ask you the same thing about Lineheart, but I saw you physically recoil from her.” You rose your eyebrows at him.

He had the decency to appear a little bit guilty. “I’m sorry for bringing her to get a rise out of you. I now realize what a bad idea that was.”

“Wow, an apology and confession.”

“Are you really here with Barnes?” Pietro insisted on knowing.

“Well considering you made it so I would not remember this event was coming up—”

“I’m only half-sorry for that. The second half that is, when I didn’t remind you. The initial distraction I am quite proud of.” He cocked his head at you, watching the heat spread up your neck and cheeks.

You shook your head to clear your thoughts. “No, I’m not here with Bucky. He found me while I was avoiding you and offered to help make you jealous.”

The flash of relief was apparent in Pietro’s eyes. “Because it looked very convincing.”

“Well, that is part of our jobs some days. Acting convincing. You and I have done it many times before.”

The pair of you had done a few undercover missions that required you to be a couple. It was usually the most fun you had doing a job.

“Yeah, but I like to think it’s because we have something real going on too.” Pietro’s thumb started stroking your side, making it difficult to not melt into him.

“I’m sure it helped for you, as apparently you are terrible at acting. But it was all a show to make you jealous. Which is immature, I know. But fight fire with fire. It got the point across didn’t it?”

“Were you jealous?” Pietro asked, spinning you around again.

“Truthfully, no.” You frowned and he frowned back at you. “I was more hurt than anything, and then I knew you were trying to make me jealous so I was pissed off.”

“I’m an idiot.”

“Why would you even want me to be jealous, Pietro? It’s not like I’ve been the one pushing you away,” you said sharply.

Pietro sighed and pulled you off the dance floor. “Can we go talk somewhere more quiet? I’ve fucked up this all up, and I don’t want to cross our wires wrong anymore.”

“Yeah, I know a place.”

****

“How did you know about this?” Pietro glanced around the rooftop garden, empty and off limits for this event.

“I attended a S.H.I.E.L.D. event here a lifetime ago.” You took a swig from the bottle of champagne you stole from the kitchen on the way.

Last time you had been up here, your parents and ex were in attendance and everything was seemingly perfect. Your ex was still a secret hydra agent the whole time after all.

“I hope it was a happy time.”

“If I forget all that happened after, sure,” you said with a small laugh and handed the bottle to Pietro, who graciously accepted. “Not that I would want too, completely,” you added quietly.

“Y/N,” he started, turning to face you. You still looked out over the city, unsure and scared of what was going to be said. “I wish I could take back this last year.”

You sucked in a sharp breath as an ache started to spread across through your chest.

“After I am almost died for the second time in my life, I got scared for many reasons. And I didn’t handle it well. Do you know why I got hurt?”

You shook your head, not trusting your voice at that moment.

“I hesitated between you and Wanda. It took me a day or two to figure that out. I was going for Wanda but then I saw a gun on you and I changed course.”

“I would have been fine,” you assured him. “I was fine.”

“Which scared me even more. I know you will be fine 99% of the time. But in that moment all I could think about was protecting you. That what if that time it was the 1% of the time you wouldn’t be fine?”

“Unlikely, but I get that.” You turned to him and met his intense gaze. “There is a 75% chance you’ll be fine, but that 25% feels so much bigger.”

Pietro nodded and continued, “In that moment, you became more of a priority than Wanda, and that scared me. It still scares me. She has been my priority since we were children, but you overroad that. It felt like I betrayed her.”

“Is that why she’s been mad at me since then?” You frowned. It had been hard to lose the close relationship with Wanda while Pietro was also pushing you away.

“No. She’s mad at your for not breaking it off with me after I started pushing you away. She thinks you deserved better.”

“The both of you are terrible at communication,” you mused, and turned back to look over the city.

“Which brings me to also why I’ve been ass.” Pietro took a deep breath.

“An astronomical ass,” you agreed.

“Astronomical, yes. What scares me the most is loving you and losing you.” Your gaze snapped back to him, dumbfounded. “I thought that if I just pushed you away enough, I would never have to risk feeling that. I tried to quit you cold turkey, but I’m selfish and can’t go a week without your touch. I’m so selfish that I don’t want—”

“Wait—”

“To see you with any other man. I don’t want another man to even—”

“Pietro, wait—”

“touch or flirt with you. But I realize now, I was going to lose you even more if I pushed you away. I love you and I hurt you, and I’m so—”

You covered his mouth with your hand, stunning him into silence. “You love me?”

His quirked an eyebrow at you and pulled your hand away from his mouth. “Yes, I love you. What little I had of you was the only thing keeping me sane. But it was also driving me insane. It was torture to leave you abruptly every time when all I wanted to do was burrow further into you and never leave.”

A shudder ran up your spine and Pietro smirked. You were simultaneously relieved, joyful, and annoyed at the same time at that look.

“You’re a fucking idiot, you know that?” You smacked his shoulder. “When has pretending not to love someone ever worked? We’ve watched movies together where the hero hurts the love interest to protect them, and it doesn’t work.”

“Well, those love interests weren’t also superheroes,” Pietro defended himself.

“Do superheroes not also have feelings?”

Pietro rolled his eyes. “Like you said, I’m an idiot.”

“A fucking idiot,” you corrected.

“You make me one, honestly,” he chuckled and reached out to caress your cheek. “But it was more than a selfish decision too. Just so you know.” His thumbs brushed your cheek bones, leaving trails of tingling skin. “I got hurt and then you got hurt trying to help me. I thought pulling away would stop whatever we had going on and you would be safe if you were less inclined to save my ass.”

“It was my decision to make!” you said, letting your annoyance penetrate every syllable.

“Yes, but we didn’t know at the time that your powers can be drained. You may have been less likely to jump straight into a line of fire if I got hurt again.”

“You’ve watched too many hero movies now that I think about it. So much so that you think like the hero. Doubting how stubborn the love interest is.” You narrowed your eyes at his amused expression. “Not realizing that as strongly as the hero feels for the love interest, the love interest feels just as much. That she would crawl through broken glass to save the hero.”

“And I ask that you promise me not to, dragoste.” His hand slide onto the back of your neck and he pulled you flush to him. His heat welcome in the cool summer air. “It hurts me more to see you hurt because of me.”

“Well, you’re going to have to learn to live without that promise.” You brushed your lips against his. “Would you make the same promise to me?”

A rumble of disagreement vibrated in his chest and he held you tighter. “I can’t make that promise.”

“Well, it appears we are at an impasse.”

“Can we just agree not to get hurt as much as possible?” Pietro nuzzled into your neck, his hands skating down your spine.

“I think I can try,” you snorted, tilting your head back to give him full access to you neck.

“If you let me, I will love you with my whole being. I’ve been biting—” he nipped as the crook of your neck and you yelped. “—at the bit to do so for so long.”

“I think the phrase is ‘champing at the bit’,” you breathlessly teased. “But I think I can be inclined to let you love me. Would you mind showing me?”

Pietro pulled away momentarily, resulting in an annoyed grunt from you.

“Were you going to let Barnes kiss you?” His eyes were dark and molten on yours.

“If I said yes, you would get even more possessive and it’s kind of hot. But no, I was going to pull away when you intervened to keep me to yourself. Because I love you, Pietro.”

“I can’t believe he was going to kiss you.” Pietro came back to your neck and his hands fiddled with the silk of your dress just above your ass. “And while you are painfully beautiful in your dress, I would much rather see you out of it.”

****

Y/N Y/L/N CAUSING RIFT IN AVENGERS

Tensions were high at last night’s Stark Industries gala. Y/N Y/L/N, a.k.a. Vitality, was seen to be getting extremely cozy with not only Bucky Barnes, a.k.a. Winter Soldier, but also Pietro Maximoff, a.k.a. Quicksilver. Our source says Y/L/N was all over Barnes at the beginning of the night until Maximoff almost came to blows with his teammate over her. How many more teammates has Y/L/N—

Your phone was ripped from your hands and tossed onto the nightstand. You looked up to see Pietro, only wearing a pair of grey sweatpants and holding the morning’s provisions he had just gone in search of.

“Do not read that garbage,” he chided, “She’s going to be up your ass for a bit but she’ll get bored.”

“She is not going to let this go anytime soon, Piet. You poked the proverbial bear by basically ghosting her. And she saw us leave together!”

“Everyone saw us leave together, because I wanted them to,” Pietro admitted and slid the plate over to you. It was an assortment of fruits and a couple of bagels.

“Well you succeeded. I will avoid the internet for the foreseeable future. Your fangirls are going to have a field day with me,” you sighed and stifled a yawn.

Pietro’s eyes tracked your movements and trailed to your bare backside. “I could get used to this.”

“Used to what?” you played dumb, wanting to hear the answer.

“You naked in our bed every morning.”

You paused from grabbing a strawberry. “Our bed?”

“You’re moving into my room,” he stated, sliding up over your back and ghosting his lips over your shoulder before he bit down at the base of your neck.

You did you best not to gurgle in response. That spot always sent every nerve into a frenzy.

“I will not spend another night or morning away from you, if I can help it,” he murmured and gripped your hip bones in his warm, skillful hands.

“Your moving this fast, huh Maximoff?” you tried to keep a level tone, but your voice still came out breathy as he pinned you further to mattress under his weight.

“This,” he emphasized by pressing himself into your backside, letting you feel just what he meant, “has been going on for two years, dragoste. So not fast at all. Besides, some things don’t need to be fast. I can be quite good at taking things slow, as you know.”

His teeth nibbled at you again. “I know all to well, you are torturously slow sometimes,” you panted.

“You love the result though, no?” His lips began to trail down your back.

You bit back a moan as he hiked your hips up, ass in the air. His fingers dancing dangerously over you clit. You tried to push again him, but he quickly held you in place.

“So eager, dragoste? It’s only been an hour.”

You growled in frustration. “Wipe that smirk off your face, Pietro.”

“You can’t even see my face,” he argued.

“Oh, eat me.”

“Gladly,” he grinned, “after you answer my question.”

“Of course,” you whined, aching from the teasing.

“Good girl.”

His mouth was on you before you could even moan from being called a good girl.

****

“Alright, who won?” Tony looked around to the team that had made it to the kitchen that morning.

“Won what?” Nat asked.

“The bet.”

“What bet?”

“For how long it would take Pietro and Y/N to acknowledge their feelings and go public. I had 1 year since we placed the bet, we’re at 10 months since the bet.” Tony looked to Wanda, Steve, and Bruce.

“You guys knew?” Nat gaped at them.

“You didn’t?” Steve was shocked. “Nat, even I could see it.”

“No, Steve knows only because he was unfortunate to walk in on them in the sparing room onetime. They did not notice,” Tony rolled eyes.

“And you Bruce?” Nat asked, she couldn’t believe she’d not seen it.

“I was unfortunate to walk in on them in the med bay once after a missions, they did not notice.” Bruce grimaced. “I just needed a bandaid.”

“All I needed to see was their constant fuck me eyes to know. It sometimes can come off as playful or antagonistic looks, but they may be one and the same for them.” Tony shrugged.

“Well, I lost. I thought it would only take a month for them to work their shit out,” Wanda groaned.

“I had six months, so that puts me four months off,” Steve sighed.

“I had three months, I had more faith in them than I should have,” Bruce conceded.

“Well that makes me the winner. They are both stubborn idiots. What’s our next wager? When to expect a mini-avenger now that they are bound to be stupid-in-love idiots?” Tony teased.

“Not funny, Stark,” Nat grunted.

***

REQUESTED TAGS: @fxllen0stxrs, @littlemarvelstan8, fandomenbylover

323 notes · View notes

late-to-the-party-81 · 4 months ago

Text

Love, Lies & Electricity

AN: Hi all - here is my entry for week 5 of @buckybarnesevents Hot Bucky Summer. This time it’s a Bucky x Reader fic. Thanks to all who voted in my poll a few weeks ago to decide who this reader should be.

Additional thanks and kisses to @drabbles-mc for beta-ing this.

If you would like to be added to my tag list, click here.

Moodboard by me and dividers by @firefly-graphics

Likes are loved, Reblogs are golden.

Master List | HBS Master List

Challenges and Bingos: HBS week 5 - We’re Exes

Summary: After Bucky Barnes broke your heart several months ago you never wanted to see him again. However, when he turns up and asks you to help him, Sam and Torres bring down a HYDRA base you can’t refuse as it will mean a chance to get payback on those who hurt you worse than he did.

Relationship: Bucky Barnes x Enhanced Reader

Word Count: 2.3k

CW: Angst, Revenge, Sexual Content

There was a reason why you’d taken solace on the rooftop of an abandoned building in DUMBO - you wanted to be alone. You’d hoped that the omnipresent drizzle would have deterred most of those who might wish to contact you, even if they did manage to work out where you were. Despite this, you weren’t surprised in the least when Bucky appeared.

Even with your back to him and your gaze unwaveringly fixated on the view before you, you knew he was there. He had an energy about him - probably something to do with the circuitry to his arm - that you’d found easy to pick up on when you’d first met him, let alone after you’d become attuned to it.

“I told you not to bother me ever again, Barnes,” you stated in a flat tone, still avoiding looking at him.

There was a moment of silence, probably so he could consider his response, although you’d be surprised if he wasn’t expecting this type of reception.

“I know,” he acknowledged, “but I - we - need you.”

Your lips twitched wryly. You should have known he wouldn’t be here of his own accord. You hadn’t had any contact from him since that day three months ago when you’d screamed and shouted and… he’d just stood there. Accepting your vitriol before turning and walking out of your life. The wound still felt raw.

When you’d first met him, you’d fallen hard and fast. Bucky just seemed to get you - understand you like no-one else, and you thought that you’d known him too. The nights you’d spent together, just holding each other and talking about what you’d gone through in your lives - finding comfort and companionship that transcended the physical connection that you had. However, like every other good thing in your life, it had come crashing down around your ears, but unlike other times, you hadn’t seen it - the hurt and the betrayal - coming.

Bucky hadn’t gotten involved with you because of who you were - he’d approached you because of what you could do - what you could bring to a new team of Avengers. Someone else who saw your value in connection to your freakish abilities. He breached your walls, then shattered them from the inside. You were still rebuilding them.

“What’s the job?” you queried, knowing that if you dismissed him out of hand he’d probably just push harder and you’d end up screaming at him.

“There’s a pocket of Hydra holdouts in a bunker in Massachusetts,” he rumbled and you closed your eyes, trying to control your physical reaction to his presence. “We can’t find a way in, and need the element of surprise. You’ve got the skills we need.”

You snorted. Of course it was all about your powers.

“Who’s asking? The White Wolf or Bucky Barnes?” You couldn’t keep the sneer from your voice.

Unsurprisingly, he didn’t rise to it, instead asking, “Would it make a difference?”

A loud sigh left your throat. “I suppose you’re right. You knew I was in from the word ‘HYDRA’.”

You pushed yourself up from the roof ledge and finally turned to face him. The rain had plastered his dark brown hair to his face, making it look black. Droplets of water ran down the divot in his chin, before dripping off the end. Why did he have to be so beautiful? If you were that sodden you’d just look like a drowned rat, so you gave a quick thanks to the small electrical field you’d generated around you that stopped the rain from making contact.

“Let’s get this over with then.” Your voice - and heart - was already weary. “The sooner we get this done, the sooner I can get back to never seeing you again.”

Bucky didn’t answer, instead just giving you a look you couldn’t interpret before turning and walking towards the stairwell. You followed in his wake.

The journey upstate to the compound hadn’t been too arduous. Both you and Bucky had ridden your bikes, which had the dual advantage of making it easy to slip through the traffic and also negated the need for small talk. You hadn’t actually said a word to him since leaving the rooftop and you were totally fine with that.

You’d greeted Sam with a clipped ‘Hello’ and just stared through Torres when he’d shyly raised a hand in your direction. It wasn’t that you didn’t like them, you just didn’t know them.

After a few moments of awkward silence, Bucky had let out a small cough and suggested that you all go through to the briefing room and you’d nodded your assent. Now the four of you were gathered around the holographic blueprints.

“Our main issues,” said Sam, “are these gun turrets.” He pointed out the towers at each corner of the building. “Our intel says they are energy-based, which means if they can get disabled from inside the three of us should be able to get in easier.”

“That’s what we’re hoping you can do,” added Torres, his eyes still refusing to meet yours. It almost made you smile. Almost.

Sam continued. “Once we’re in, we aren’t expecting you to hang around. We know you aren’t a big fan of working with us.”

That was an understatement if ever you’d heard one, but there were bigger motivational factors involved. “You really think I’m gonna turn tail and not take the opportunity to get some payback?” you asked with a raised brow. “You don’t know me at all, Sam.”

A look of sympathy immediately took over his face. “I understand why you feel this way, but this isn’t what this mission is about. We need to shut them down and extract all the data.”

You frowned. You don’t know why you expected a different response from the new Captain America. “But you know that if we don’t stop them - neutralise every single one of them - then they’ll just regroup. Reform. We’ll - You’ll - be no better off than you were before and you’ll just have to hunt them down again another day.” The words came out sharply as your frustration grew.

“We’re not going there with the express intent of murdering people.” Sam bit back. “I’m a realist - I understand that there will be deaths - but I’m not going out of my way to create the highest body count possible.”

There was a moment of silence before you said, “You’re a bleeding heart, Wilson. No mercy should be shown to HYDRA because they sure as hell won’t show you any.”

You turned on your heel and stalked from the room, walking along the corridor until you reached one of the glass walls that allowed you to look out over the forest surrounding the semi-secret base. You weren’t even there a minute before you felt a prickle up your spine. Your hands, that had been resting on your ribs where your arms were crossed, curled into fists.

“Fuck off, Barnes,” you ground out between gritted teeth. He moved to stand beside you, leaning on the railing, and you could see him out of your peripheral vision.

“He’s a good man, you know. It’s why Steve gave him the shield and not me. He knew that for the mantle of Captain America you have to have some level of optimism.”

You huffed and rolled your eyes. “But it just seems so pointless.”

“You know I get it. We have a different outlook, you and I. As much as Sam can empathise with what we went through, try his best to understand, he will never get it. Much the same way that I can’t ever fully understand what it was like for him, being who he is, to grow up in this America. We just have to stick to our truths, and bend once in a while when it’s prudent to do so.” He turned towards you then, flashing a wry grin and you couldn’t help but turn your head as well. “And besides, what Wilson doesn’t know can’t hurt him.”

Bucky pushed away from the railing and started to walk back towards the conference room. Part way along he stopped and looked back over his shoulder. “You coming? We’ve got some HYDRA ass to kick. And by kick, I mean shoot in the head.”

Large hands spanned your waist, gripping firmly but not cruelly. Your legs were hooked over the arms connected to them, holding you wide open. Your eyes, only open a crack, could see the way his dark hair flopped down in front of his face, could see the way his body glistened with sweat as he pumped in and out of you. His muscles strained and his jaw was set.

“Fuck, honey,” Bucky exclaimed. “Feels so fucking good.” Your only reply was a whine as you dropped a hand down between you to strum at your clit.

“That’s it, baby. Make yourself feel good. Wanna feel you come.” If you’d been capable of giggling at his statement you would have, because you’d come twice already - once on his face and once on his fingers. The man was insatiable for your pleasure. You weren’t gonna complain about it.

“Bucky!” you breathed out, not sure what you were actually trying to say, but hoping he could pick up on the tone. The air crackled, its molecules excited by your semi-conscious manipulation of the electric field around you. You could feel yourself rushing towards that peak, your core clenching - pulsing - around where Bucky was filling you with each delicious thrust.

He dropped his head, taking one of your pebbled nipples in his mouth and sucked on it. The sensation pulled tightly on the invisible thread that ran through your body to where the pair of you were joined. Tighter. Firmer. Higher…

You woke with a start, sitting bolt upright as you gulped in lungful after lungful of air. Your hands shook and your skin was sweaty and you silently cursed Bucky Barnes as you flopped back down and pressed one of the pillows over your face. You hadn’t had a sex dream about him in weeks, but it stood to reason that as he was back disrupting your waking hours he’d do the same to your sleep as well.

Frustration welled up inside of you, and with a grunt you threw the pillow across the room, hearing it thud against the generic dresser. You were in one of the ‘guest’ rooms at the compound. White walls. White furniture. Grey bedding, curtains and carpet. It was fucking depressing. You were just glad that you weren’t going to be here for long. Just a few more days of going through the reconnaissance intel and running some training drills in the state of the art suite downstairs and then you’d be on the mission for real. Then, when it was over, you were going to leave - leave New York. Leave the state. Heck, you might even leave the country.

You flipped over in bed, trying to find a comfortable position to go back to sleep in, but every time you closed your eyes your mind conjured the image of Bucky looking at you as if you were the only thing in his world that had meaning. Sleep was a long time coming.

Three mornings later and you were up early, just finishing getting dressed where there was a knock on your bedroom door. You didn’t need to be a mind reader to know who it was. Lightly slapping your hands against your legs, you strode over and opened the door. Bucky stood there, his fingers all twisted around each other until he seemed to jump at the realisation of what he was doing and put them both behind his back. A smile played at the corners of your mouth. The highlight of the last few days had been the discovery that Bucky was as discombobulated by your presence as you were by his. The only difference was that you seemed to be able to hide it better. That knowledge had allowed you to sleep better the last few nights - the schadenfreude was delicious. And if you’d then played up to it - accidentally rubbed past him in small spaces, or laugh and flirt with a sweetly awkward Joaquin? Well it was exactly what Bucky deserved in your opinion.

You looked up at him with a raised brow and leant against the door, arms folded across your breasts, and you noted the minute flicker of his gaze down and then back up. “Can I help you, Buck?”

He scowled as you over-pronounced the start and end of his nickname. “I came to see if you were ready. We need to leave in twenty.”

“It’s not my first rodeo, Sargent, a fact you well know. As you can see,” you gestured down the length of your body with your hand, “I managed to get dressed all on my own. I can manage to achieve a surprising amount of things without your help.”

You pushed away from the door and snagged your go back from the floor. It didn’t have a lot in it because unlike the others you only relied on your abilities for both offence and defence. No guns, knives, vibranium arms, shields or wings.

Bucky didn’t move away as you exited your room, causing you to brush against him to get by. As you did so, pointedly not looking at him, his right hand shot out and snagged your upper arm. “Honey, please can we t-”

You shook your arm free angrily. “You don’t get to call me that,” you hissed. “You lost that right months ago. And no, we’re not gonna talk. I said it before, and I’ll say it again. After this mission we never see each other again.” With that, you turned your back on him and stalked in the direction of the hanger. He didn’t try to stop you and you wondered why you felt a lump in the pit of your stomach about it.

Chapter 2

Tag list: @km-ffluv, @wheezy-stucky, @kmc1989, @kombatfather1796

@christywrites, @alexakeyloveloki, @wolfsmom1, @doasyoudesireandlive, @goldylions, @galactusdevourerofworlds, @apenny4thots, @crayongirl-linz, @nicoline1998enilocin, @king814318

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #hot bucky summer 2024 #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes x female reader

92 notes · View notes

iamleesi · 6 months ago

Text

THE HUNTERS & THE SOLDIER

Pairing: Avenger! Bucky Barnes x OC! Avenger Reader

Summary: You have some kind of nightmare and Bucky wakes you up but he’s still a prick and you have a fight.

Warnings: Flashback, mention of experiments, hydra facility, creepy stuff and I probably forgot something so forgive me. -> 18+ !!

Other: English isn’t my fist language so I apologize for eventual mistakes.

-> Masterlist

-> Part three ; Part five

-> Nonie (04)

A little you was sitting in the corner of your room. The place you called home was clean and sterile, empty of any unnecessary comforts - not that you knew what the word truly meant. The only source of light was coming from the single light bulb hung from the ceiling, and your bed - big enough to at least fit you - was pushed against a wall, it’s thin mattress covered in white sheets.

The walls were bare; you were not given anything normal kids your age had to at least make it seem more than just a prison. It was naked of any type of decoration, no pictures or paintings… just plain grey. And you loved it.

One day, your usual routine was changed. Up until then you had been alone, the only people you talked to were the scientists and Mrs White who came in to see how you were doing and tell you all about the process they were making thanks to you. But that day, you remember the sound of that huge, scratched iron door open and an Hydra agent escorting a girl into the room.

Not a word was exchanged before you and the new person were left alone. To be honest, you were curious but also confused - why did they brought her in all of a sudden? Was she another special girl? Were you not good enough anymore? You didn’t like that idea.

You watched as she went to sit on the other corner of the room, her head low, and you spent the whole day listening to her sobbing. Why was she crying, you did not know. How could she cry when she was in the safest place on earth?

Ungrateful. And she was evidently older than you, maybe sixteen or even seventeen - she should have understood her worth already at that age.

In the days that followed, you learned absolutely nothing about her. She never spoke and she spent most of her time confined to her side of the room - she wasn’t even given a mattress, and she did nothing to let you know if perhaps she was tired of sleeping on the floor. All you heard were her hums at night, melodies you didn’t know.

But for some reason, you liked having her there.

Eventually, days turned into weeks and your curiosity towards her only grew and it almost became an obsession - you wanted to get her to talk but never succeeded. Each day, like a clockwork, the girl was escorted out of the room by Hydra agents and each day, when she would return, her demeanor grew more unsettling.

“And so today Mrs White gave me a candy. She said I deserved it after I found where those criminals were hiding.” You said, hopping onto your bed as you stared at her - she was finally given one too, and now she did nothing rather than lay on it as days passed by. “Did she ever give you a candy? The one that looks like a bear - have you ever seen a bear?”

At your questions, all you could hear was nothing except her breathing. There wasn’t even a window in there. “Oh, yeah. You don’t talk. Mrs White says that when people ignore you, they are being extremely dis- dispec - I don’t remember the word she used. But it’s not nice!”

Nothing. She didn’t even blink, sometimes you had to walk over there to check if she was still breathing. “Whatever.” You sighed. “I’ll bring you a candy next time I’m done with a successful mission. Maybe you’ll talk to me. Or I can steal one - maybe I could. I don’t know. What do you think? Do you want a candy?”

Silence.

“Alright. Then I’ll bring you one.” You smiled at her. “But you need to tell me your name, I can’t keep referring to you as the ‘new girl’, it’s been… I don’t know. But surely more than a day!”

The girl stayed silent. Her eyes fixated on the ceiling.

“Mrs White says my blood is fundamental for whatever they’re working on, you know? We’re here to save the world.” You continued. “She said there are some people who don’t want that, like Natasha Romanoff. The prodigy of the Red Room, have you ever met her? She came here a few years ago and taught me how to shoot properly. And now, turns out that she’s been corrupted.” You sighed “You’re a great listener, at least.” You turned around, giving your back to her. Maybe she just didn’t like you.

Still, no response. Not even a hum of acknowledgement.

Your frustration mounted with each passing day, your attempts to communicate with her were always ignored and you were met with nothing but silence.

“Is there something wrong, kid?” One of Hydra’s agents, Ezra you had learnt, asked you one day as he was escorting you back to your room after another evening of restless training. You had to be at your best, they said, all the time.

“No.” You sighed, as your body felt like burning - that day they had gone heavy on you, but you managed well. You were the only survivor, as per usual. “When can I go outside? I want to help on the field.”

“Soon enough, kid. We have a problem in stars and stripes to take care of. Mrs White believes you can do it.”

You felt a sense of pride in you at his words. That man, they called him Captain America, was a heavy problem for the world. He was the one who kept ruining any attempt to make the world a better place, always stepping in to cause chaos. He needed to be eliminated and you wished it would be you to do so, after all you had the skills to do it.

“Then I won’t disappoint her.”

Once you got back to your room with the biggest grin ever, you saw Nonie - as you nicknamed her - sitting on her bed with her back on the wall, staring straight ahead of her. You sat right in her line of view, which was on your mattress, crossing your legs one over the other. “Guess what?”

Blank stare.

“I’ll kill Mr Captain America one of these days. I know I’m not as skilled as Winter is, but I can do it. I know I can.” You started to ramble convinced that she wouldn’t pay attention to you since she never did, but soon enough, too focused on your own words, you felt a hand on your tight.

A cold, almost imperceptible touch. She had walked towards you, kneeling down in the end as her legs were too weak to hold her light weight for longer than a few steps.

You stared into her soulless eyes for a moment, before she shook her head.

“No? What - what do you mean no?” You looked at her dumbfounded. “You don’t want me to kill him? Nonie, I h-”

But before you could continue, she crawled back to her bed in the same position she was in. You stayed silent too, for a moment. For a long, tense moment.

“So you can understand what I’m saying! You can hear me!” You realized, getting up. “Why won’t you talk to me?”

Nonie made a movement with her pale hand to tell you to get closer to her - which you did without second thinking. Those few steps felt like happening in slow motion and once you were right in front of her, she raised that same hand to her mouth; her fingers grazing the edge of her lips.

You frowned, but you didn’t have the time to utter a word that she stuck out her tongue - or what was left of it.

≈

“For fuck’s sake - Emma!” Your eyes snapped open at Bucky’s voice, your heart racing in your chest as you sat up in bed, your forehead almost colliding against his.

You couldn’t help but dream about her, giving what you and Dean had saw just hours prior. She always came back into your memories one way or another, whether it was with a nightmare or just with a simple thought during the day - she was always there, in the back of your mind. And no matter how much years had passed since then, Nonie wasn’t going to go away anytime soon.

Before you could gather your thoughts, Bucky spoke again with a sharp tone. “What the fuck is wrong with you? I’ve been trying to wake you up the whole night.”

You blinked in confusion, caught off guard by his harsh tone and the fact that he was sitting so close to you. “I’m sorry.” Your voice was barely above a whisper. “I had a nightmare.”

Bucky’s expression unexpectedly softened, though you could still sense some irritation. You knew he had trouble sleeping too, and waking up in the middle of the night due to someone else’s problems wasn’t really ideal. “Nightmare, huh? Great, now we’re both awake.”

You closed your eyes and took a breath for a moment as you tried to find the right words to say. You never meant to disturb him but you could not control how your mind worked - and Wanda wasn’t even there to help you. Sometimes you gave her permission to get inside your head and erase the bad memories for one night so you could properly rest, but she wasn’t with you and so you had to do it alone. “I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

Bucky let out a heavy sigh, his demeanor softening ever so slightly. “Look, I’m sorry for snapping at you.” He admitted gruffly. He better than anyone could understand how you mist be feeling, and he could have approached it better. “It’s been a long day and I guess I’m just on edge.”

You huffed. “Believe me, I know.”

Bucky exhaled as he was still sitting on your bed, the situation becoming awkward. He got up, but didn’t leave quite yet. You saw some uncertainty in his eyes before he spoke again.

“Food always helps me with nightmares.” He cleared his throat, his tone softer than before. But not much, he was still Bucky Barnes after all. “Come downstairs with me. Dean left some pizza in the fridge before leaving.”

You noticed you were hungry now that he mentioned food. Once you and Dean got home after the investigation, still unsure of what you saw - or, rather, still hoping your mind had played an awful joke on you, you went straight in your room. You had left the task to explain things to Sam and Bucky to Dean.

“One thing I learned about Dean is that he becomes a mad man if someone touches his food.” You let out a small chuckle, getting up the bed.

“He left it for you.” Bucky admitted.

“Oh.” That was surprising. “I was going to eat it anyway but I will feel less guilty knowing it was already mine.”

Together you made your way downstairs to the kitchen, the silence was oddly comfortable for once. You sat down while Bucky took the pizza box from the fridge and tossed it your way. Action you thanked with a smile.

He rummaged through the cabinets searching for something to eat himself. He sat on the chair beside yours with a box of homemade biscuits - wait, homemade biscuits?

“The old lady that lives on the other side of the street brought these over today, when you and Dean were at the Miller’s house.” He explained after reading your expression. “We’re invited at her niece’s birthday party this weekend, by the way. I said yes.”

You being invited to a party full of strangers wasn’t really on the list of the things you liked to do since you were as social as a rock but what you wanted went into the toilet the second you became an Avenger. Like that time you and Pietro were sent on a mission on a yacht - you were scared as hell of the sea after a certain God of Mischief made you watch Titanic changing the finale with your face instead of Rose’s. But that was another story.

“Great.” You sighed.

“So, the investigation. How did it go? You came home quite traumatized.” He raised a brow, and you didn’t miss the judgement in his tone.

You stiffened for a second, your mind went inevitably back there just as soon as you were starting to think about something else. “I wasn’t traumatized. I just… if you had seen that, you would have understood.”

Bucky scoffed. “What? Seeing the breakdown of an hysterical old lady after she lost her daughter doesn’t seem so terrible compared to what we’re used to, come on now.”

You frowned. That was the last of your concerns, you weren’t a therapist or something but a breakdown was certainly not that woman’s biggest problem. “Dean didn’t- he didn’t tell you everything?”

It was Bucky’s time to frown. “He told us what happened. You two arrived there, the woman was obviously grieving her missing daughter and she had a break down after asking one too many questions which led to her kicking you out.” He reassumed everything Dean had said. “Isn’t that all?”

You gulped. Dean kept his mouth shut about that, and you wondered why. Bucky knew what Hydra was capable of, but that? That was something beyond imaginable. Still, before talking to Bucky about it you wanted to know why Dean kept it a secret and why he didn’t seem to freak out as any other normal person would - beside you.

“No, that’s all.” You said after a moment, sounding as sincere as possible. “It’s just… her daughter’s probably dead and… and seeing her reaction wasn’t easy.”

“Mh.” He nodded, seeming to believe you. “Rich coming from you.” He said after, turning back into himself - for a second there you almost forgot how infuriating he was.

“Excuse me?”

“Rich coming from you.” He repeated casually. “Didn’t you use to kidnap people yourself for Hydra? Or maybe… bring back the ones lucky enough to break free from their control?

You stayed momentarily silent. “No.” You answered. “I never kidnapped anyone or brought back anyo- what the fuck is your problem, man?”

“I have absolutely zero problems, but I wonder if you even have the right to feel bad when you used to do the same to innocent people - willingly.” His tone was as light as if he was talking about a damn football game.

“You killed dozens of people too.”

“I was brainwashed, and I feel guilty enough. You were not.” He fired back. “And you never apologized.”

“I was a fucking child, Barnes.” You reminded him, clenching your jaw. “I thought I was doing the right thing by complying, just like you were!”

“I know that, Dayne, I’m not an idiot. But you’ve been indoctrinated with their ideas all your life, which is exactly why I wonder how the fuck it is that you’re on our side now.” He said, leaning back on the chair. “I’m not attacking you, just curious.”

“It’s been ten years, it took me a long time to see things the right way.” You said, really stopping the urge to flip the table and walk out dramatically. “And it looks like an attack to me.”

“It’s not.” He remarked. “You know, Rumlow was a SHIELD agent while being loyal to Hydra. If he did it, I won’t get off the table the fact that you could be doing the same.”

“I never joined Hydra willingly, I was born there!” You shot back to that lunatic asshole. “Rumlow joined those people because he believed in their ideas, to me their ideas were the only thing I’ve ever known! Excuse me if I didn’t know a difference between the good and the bad when I was told that killing people was the only way humanity could survive!”

He sighed at that. Maybe he had been too harsh?

“You’ve been brainwashed in a way, and I in another. If you think I’m some kind of monster for what I did or I cannot be trusted, then we may not be so different.” You spat while pulling yourself up from the chair with force, the legs scrapping against the floor. “And if you wake me up again I’ll stick that metal arm up your ass.”

With that, you left him in the kitchen alone. Fuck him and fuck whatever his problem was.

64 notes · View notes

levans44 · 11 months ago

Text

Apartment #3 - Chapter 6

pairing: steve rogers x undercover!reader

warnings: 18+ SMUT*, Neighbors to Friends to Lovers, lots of angst, heavy mutual pining, hurt/comfort, eventual smut/romance/fluff

summary: as an undercover agent at SHIELD, her newest assignment involves moving in across the hall from her target. she's strictly ordered to keep her distance—no personal contact besides the absolutely necessary. the only issue? her new target neighbor turns out to be Captain America.

author's note: an idea that's been living in my head ever since steve asked sharon for that cup of coffee in their apartment hallway. as a SHIELD agent, the reader's real name has been [REDACTED] to preserve anonymity.

masterlist

taglist: @tsofo26 @yvonneeeee @cass0419 @nekoannie-chan @felicitylemon @nada3000 @rorilisa @observantplum-blog @strepsils123 @mrsevans90 @smhnxdiii @rorilisa

A loud ding from the timer marks 40 minutes.

She peers into her oven, nervously eyeing her little experiment—the best, fudgiest brownies EVER! as proclaimed by a complete stranger on the internet, but she figured that the thousands of likes and online reviews had to count for something,

She went all out for this particular recipe, fishing for ingredients she’s never even heard of—dutch processed cacao, single origin chocolate, maldon sea salt. Seeing as how she’s never really had luck with baking, she’s not sure why she had chosen such a complex recipe. And just to pack on the pressure, there was a lot riding on these particular brownies. It’s the only reason why, after the second time she knocks over the bag of flour while reaching for the whisk, she doesn’t give up, hastily wiping up the mess through gritted teeth.

Because despite Fury’s orders to sustain minimal contact with her target, she could never stand to be in debt.

And during these past few weeks, she’d been indebted to Steve in more ways than one.

With these brownies, she figured they were more or less even.

One last time, and she could be done for good.

She waits impatiently, fingers drumming on the counter while the bake cools, before cutting up the brownies and draping some aluminum foil on top. She slides the tray off the counter and scoops it into her arms, balancing Steve’s thermos on top.

She slips out of her apartment and makes her way across the hall.

A tentative knock on apartment #4, then once more when no one responds after a little while.

Must not be home. Great. She’ll just return his thermos some other time and take the brownies to work—it’ll earn her a few much-needed brownie points with her coworkers anyway.

She’s just about to turn on her heels and head back across the hall, when she hears his door jerk open, revealing Steve in a white tank top and grey sweats. Her eyes falter for a second, a little taken aback by Steve’s unfamiliarly casual attire.

Eyes wide, he smiles, leaning forward with his palm resting on the door frame.

“Jess! Hey,” His brows furrow a little, eyes flitting down to the tray weighing down her arms.

“Hey, Steve.” She nods, eyes still fixated on how relaxed he seems in his pajamas, before it suddenly sinks in that this might be his rare day off from work. The last thing he’d probably want is her company.

She’s just about ready to thrust the brownies and thermos in his arms and run off, panic rising in her throat.

“Uhm, I’m just here to—“

“—hey, Steve, that the pizza guy?”

A male voice shouts from inside the apartment.

Shit, he’s got company. So definitely not a good time.

Steve swivels around, calling back to whoever is in his living room “Uh, no, Buck, it’s my…”

He turns back to her, eyes hesitating with an unreadable emotion.

“… my neighbor, Jess.” He finishes quietly.

Though her heart already sinks at the mention of his name, her stomach churns a second time when she hears footsteps approach Steve’s side. And low and behold, there he was—the infamous Winter Soldier and Steve’s best friend. It’s the first time she’s seen Bucky Barnes in person, and he’s just as formidable as Steve at first glance—biceps bulging through a red Henley shirt, metal hand sticking out like a sore thumb under his sleeve, not concealed with the glove SHIELD advises him to wear during public outings. He immediately sticks his hand into the pocket of his jeans, surveying her reaction to see if she’d noticed. She feigns innocence, smiling politely.

Yet, not everything’s true to her memory.

His hair’s a little shorter than how she’d pictured, and his eyes a little lighter, a strain of hazel running through the cool blue. Any lingering sense of intimidation dissolves when he smiles, casting a sideways glance at Steve then back down at her.

“So this is Jess, huh?” He smirks, leaning forward as he extends his flesh hand in greeting.

“Bucky. It’s nice to meet you.”

‘So this is Jess.’

That, and the way Steve’s perks up at Bucky’s words, the tips of his ears blooming crimson, could only mean one thing. It’s a glaringly obvious truth that she tries oh-so-hard to avoid.

Instead, she glances down sheepishly at the tray of brownies in her arms, then back up at Bucky’s extended hand.

“Oh, hey, let me get that for you.” Steve quickly reaches forward, taking the tray from her arm. She shoots him an appreciative smile before tentatively taking Bucky’s hand, feeling more than overwhelmed by not one but two super soldiers now crowding the doorway.

Bucky’s grip is more calloused than Steve’s, fingers shorter and thicker. His grip is just as strong and warm, though, and the charming grin he flashes her way leaves her wondering whether he’s just as… forward in meetings with other strangers. The rumor around her office had always painted him as the silent, brooding type.

“I-I was just gonna return your thermos, and uh…” her voice falters, gaze trailing over to the way Bucky was leaning over the tray still in Steve’s hands, lifting the aluminum foil on top curiously. Bucky looks back down at her, smiling sheepishly.

“Sorry, these smell amazing. Are they… shit, Steve, they’re brownies.”

“Buck.” Steve mutters, subtly nudging his best friend’s side as he angles the tray away.

“Yeah, I baked ‘em this morning.” She nods, giving Bucky an awkward smile. She tucks her hair behind her ear, shifting her weight between her feet.

Her gaze trails over to the blonde, who’s giving her that familiar warm smile.

“You didn’t have to Jess, really. Thank you.”

His gaze is so earnest, voice deep as he thanks her. She can only nod hastily in response, swallowing thickly.

Steve clears his throat, taking another step toward her, and gestures toward the apartment with his head.

“Do you… do you wanna come in for a bit? Bucky and I were just about to put on a film.”

And maybe it was the endearing way he still uses the word film instead of movie.

Or the way he seemed so different from his usual put-together look—hair light and soft, standing up in small, unruly peaks as if he hadn’t styled it since he’s woken up. A white sleeveless shirt, clad tightly across his pecs, grey sweats hanging low over his hips.

Or, maybe, it was just his characteristic way of making an honest offer—warm and earnest, without any pretense of false politeness.

Whatever the reason, she finds herself nodding, slipping past Bucky as he steps aside to let her inside.

Steve carefully sets the tray on his kitchen island, quietly chastising Bucky when he immediately starts to fiddle with the aluminum, trying to sneak a piece. She shuffles awkwardly around the kitchen island, so that there’s 40 inches of beige linoleum between her and the two super soldiers. She refrains from peering around the rest of the apartment out of politeness. From what appears in her peripheral vision, though, she can tell that the layout of his house is pretty much the same as her own.

“Those are for me, jerk.” Steve mutters quietly, the corner of his lip quirking up in a smile as Bucky’s starts to pull a slice off of the tray.

“Sharing’s carin’ Stevie.” Bucky mumbles nonchalantly,

Steve gives in with a joking sigh, leaning against the counter as he looks up at her, brows raised.

“Do you want a piece, Jess?”

“Oh, no, I’m okay thank—“

“—holy shit.” She’s cut off by Bucky’s loud moan, holding up a corner piece with a large section already bitten off.

“Fuck, that’s amazing, Steve. You gotta try it.”

Bucky chews as he glances up at her, eyes glinting under the kitchen light. He swallows, licking his lips before asking:

“You a baker, Jess?”

Steve lets out a quiet chuckle, walking around the counter and reaching for a roll of paper towels at the other end.

“She’s a nurse, Buck.”

Bucky’s brows raise at that, eyes lighting up with renewed interest as he sinks his teeth in, taking another bite.

“You must like saving people, then, huh? Like Stevie here.” He juts his elbow toward his friend, who rolls his eyes and shoots her an apologetic glance. She tries to stifle a smile, settling down in one of the kitchen bar stools, feeling a little more relaxed as the two Avengers continue to bicker bout how many pieces Bucky’s allowed to steal from Steve’s tray.

“Bucky’s right, though, Jess. This is phenomenal. How long have you been baking?”

The truthful answer would have been 5 hours. Instead, though, she gives him a smile, shrugging innocently as she answers:

“Not long. Started a couple years ago.”

She figured the whole ‘home-baker’ thing tracked with Jess’s character—alongside the whole wide-eyed, girl-next-door look.

“So what movie are we watching?”

She asks nonchalantly—a clumsy attempt at shifting the conversation away from herself, but it works nonetheless.

Bucky sighs dramatically at the question, while Steve shoots him an amused glance.

“Well…” Bucky starts, picking up another brownie square before walking around the kitchen island toward the living room.

“… Steve was trying to convince me to watch Star Wars with him.” He sighs nonchalantly, plopping down on the living room couch.

And she can’t help but let out a surprised snort at that, hand immediately flying over to her mouth to stifle the noise. Mortified, she glances over sheepishly at Steve.

Leaned forward with both palms on the kitchen counter, Steve looks up at her with a raised brow, a slight twitch in the corner of his lip.

“Sorry, I just… that’s the last movie I would’ve guessed for you.” She murmurs quietly, still stifling a smile.

“Oh yeah? Why’s that?” Steve shoots back almost immediately, his lips breaking open in an amused grin.

“Well, it’s just, you know… kinda nerdy?”

Steve’s eyes flutter shut as he lets out a soft chuckle, shaking his head.

“That’s fair.”

From across the room, Bucky laughs too, scrolling carelessly through the TV channels as he tosses out a comment in their direction.

“Oh, you thought he was cool, Jess?”

She leans forward in her seat, staring directly into Steve’s eyes as a new sense of adoration blooms in her chest.

Who would’ve thought that Captain America was secretly a geek?

She shrugs, a small smile tugging on her lips as she mutters:

"I'd like to think so."

And despite the fact that the rest of the night is filled with nothing but trivial moments, she feels the knot in her stomach growing tighter with each second she spends with Steve.

When he patted the spot on the couch next to him, gesturing for her to sit down, the fabric of his sweats brushing against her as he shifted to make room. The scent of soft oak and fresh linen as he occasionally leaned into her side, pointing out nerdy tidbits about the Star Wars franchise, eager to share the comforting alcove of fiction he’d found in the 21st century.

Or even when the pizza delivery arrived and she finally got a peek at the box, discovering the name of his favorite pizza place. She had glanced over at Steve instinctively, lips stretched in a knowing smile as they exchanged a look completely unbeknownst to Bucky.

With Steve, her heart beats immeasurably faster at the littlest of things.

And it fills her with more dread than she can bear.

Apartment #3 Masterlist

note: aaaand after an eternity and a half, she finally makes an update. we've got some more shameless flirting coming up folks, brace yourselves

101 notes · View notes

fatecantstopme · 2 years ago

Text

Bring Me Back to Life

Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader, Bucky Barnes x reader (past)

Summary: The team comes home from a mission you sat out on due to an injury. Only thing is, the entire team doesn’t come back, at least not alive.

Steve comforts you, you comfort him…it turns to love.

Warnings: death, heartbreak, injuries, near-death experience, so much freaking angst it hurts. SMUT, oral (M & F receiving), unprotected sex (P in V), praise kink, slight sub!steve. Light cursing

You were standing in your room, folding laundry, when you heard someone enter. You turned, expecting it to be Bucky, but in his place stood a solemn-faced Steve.

“Hey Stevie. You guys back?”

He just nodded as he stepped into your room completely. “(Y/N)…”

You stopped what you were doing and looked at him closely. “What’s wrong?”

“(Y/N/N), I think you should sit down.”

Your heart began to race. “Steve,” you said again. “Where’s Bucky?”

“He’s—he’s in the infirmary.”

You paled, eyes widening. You started to move towards the door, but Steve stopped you.

“(Y/N), wait—“

“Bucky’s injured and you want me to wait?” you rushed from the room, ignoring Steve’s calls for you to stop.

When you reached the door to the infirmary, Sam was standing in front of it. He looked just as pained as Steve had, but you barely noticed. All you could think about was getting to Bucky.

“(Y/N), hold on,” Sam started.

You gave him a death glare as you pushed past him, fixated on the only thing that mattered to you: Bucky.

When you walked into the room, time seemed to stand still. On the bed in front of you laid the love of your life, your boyfriend of three years, Bucky Barnes. You knew with one glance that he was gone, but your brain refused to accept that information. He couldn’t be gone.

You walked towards him, ignoring the stares of your friends and teammates. Your hands began to shake as you reached the side of the bed. As soon as you looked at his face, you felt your world come crashing down. There could be no mistaking it, his soul was gone, all that remained was the shell of the man he was. You touched his right hand, surprised by the cold feeling.

Suddenly, your body ceased functioning and you collapsed in a heap on the floor. Several people rushed to your side, but Steve got there first. He wrapped his arms around you and held you as you screamed and sobbed. He didn’t let go even as you punched his chest and screamed at him for letting this happen. He didn’t let go even as you sobbed into his chest, soaking straight through his shirt. While he didn’t know what it was like to lose the love of his life, he felt your pain in his own way. His best friend was gone and he was never coming back.

**********

For eight months, Steve stayed by your side, grieving with you in a way only the two of you could. No one else understood the pain you were both experiencing, no one else could lessen that pain.

In time, you found it easier to think about Bucky without breaking down. You were able to share stories about him, laugh at things he'd done, smile at your memories of him. Steve was the only reason you had made it this far.

If he'd had to face this alone, Steve was certain he wouldn't have survived this pain...at least he wouldn't have come out the other side still himself. He'd lived it once before, but this was so much worse. The finality of it all, the certainty that his best friend was dead, was simply unbearable. He was grateful he didn't have to bear that pain alone, even if he would have given anything for you not to have ever had to feel the pain of losing someone you loved.

Steve was a good man, quite possibly one of the best, but he didn't feel like a good man anymore. Over the last couple months, he'd begun to feel things he shouldn't feel, want things he shouldn't--couldn't--want. The guilt had started to truly eat at him and he found himself avoiding you completely or acting weird in your presence.

Unbeknownst to Steve, you had noticed the change in his demeanor whenever you were around. He never wanted to pair up with you on missions anymore, he avoided standing near you during briefings, he didn't meet your gaze, and he'd even started avoiding team building exercises altogether, which was very unlike him.

Eight months was not a long time in the grand scheme of things, and certainly not a long time to mourn the loss of someone you loved. Especially someone like Bucky. He was your entire world, and you were his, but you were both painfully aware of the life you lived. There were no guarantees for tomorrow. Life was short, and therefore deserved to be lived to the fullest.

Bucky had once made you promise him that you wouldn't mourn him for the rest of your life should he die before you. You'd always told him to shut up, he wasn't going to die, so you didn't need to have this conversation, but Bucky was insistent. All he wanted was to know that you would live your life, that you would be happy, maybe even love again, after he was gone. You couldn't imagine a world without him in it, but you promised him because you could see how much it meant to him.

When he died, a part of you died with him. That's just how it goes when you lose someone you love, a piece of your soul goes with them. A few weeks after his death, you were reminded of the promise you'd made him as you went through his things. In typical Bucky fashion, he'd written you a letter, one you would only read upon his death.

When you read the letter, your heart broke for the second time.

My dearest (Y/N),

Yeah, I know that sounds sappy, but what can I say? I'm hopelessly in love with you. If you're reading this, then life didn't go as planned. I didn't get to watch you walk down the aisle or call you Mrs. Barnes. I didn't get to grow old with you, have a gaggle of children, and retire to some random suburb. There are so many things that I'm going to miss, so many things I can only imagine.

I know you hate it when I make you promise to live without me, but I can't leave this world knowing that it'll kill you too. All I want, all I've ever wanted, is for you to be happy. If I'm not here to ensure your happiness, then I need you to do it for me. Don't give up on life just because I'm not in it. Don't walk away from a chance at a beautiful life. I need you to live, to love, to move on. You may be the love of my life, but I don't have to be yours.

I know you're reading this and wishing you could smack me upside my head, but you made me a promise and I expect you to keep it. You gave me your heart and it's a gift I have always treasured, but now that I'm gone, I am giving it back to you, so you can give it to another deserving man. I know it hurts now, but I promise, it won't always feel this way.

I have loved you from the moment I met you, (Y/N), and I will love you long after I am gone. I would never ask you to stop loving me, but simply to make room in your heart for another. I'm so sorry I won't be there for all the incredible moments in your life. I'm sorry I won't be there to laugh with you, hold your hand, kiss you, or make love to you. Please know that you mean the world to me, and I will love you always. This is not the end of the book, simply the end of the chapter.

All my love,

Your Bucky

You broke down when you read it, the ache in your chest stronger than it had ever been. You wanted to crumple it up and throw it away, pretend like you'd never made that promise, like you'd never read the letter...but you couldn't. You'd never broken a promise and you certainly weren't going to start now.

You just didn't imagine that your heart would make room for someone else so quickly. Nor did you imagine it would be someone already in your life, someone close to both you and Bucky. You felt guilty for your feelings, but you knew Bucky would be happy to see you fall in love again. Bucky had always said Steve was the best man he'd ever known, so you had to believe he would approve of your choice.

But lately, things between you and Steve had been so strained. You weren't even sure you were friends anymore, let alone anything more than that. He was so far from you emotionally, it was as if he wasn't even there. It had been so long since you'd seen him smile, you'd almost forgotten what it looked like. The only time you heard his voice was when he was speaking to someone else or giving you an order. You didn't want to admit it, but your heart had started to break all over again.

**********

Three more months went by in much the same way. Steve iced you out completely, so you'd begun to treat him in the same manner. It nearly killed you to do it, but it hurt less than the alternative.

Little did you know, Steve was dying inside. The harder he pushed you away, the bigger the hole in his heart became. It had gotten to the point where he couldn't breathe in your presence without feeling like he was drowning. The worst part of it all was that he could see how much this was hurting you, how much he was hurting you. He would have given anything to make it stop, done anything, except for let himself love you.

On this particular day, you, Steve, Sam, and Natasha were out on a mission together. None of you had anticipated any issues, fully expecting the warehouse to be completely empty. Against your better judgment, the four of you had split up, each in search of what you came to find.

You'd been in the building for less than five minutes when all hell broke loose. You heard the shouts of your teammates over comms, followed by gunfire and loud thuds. You raced in the direction Natasha had gone, but were quickly stopped by three Hydra agents coming towards you.

You heard Steve's voice over the comms, asking where you were. You tapped the device in your ear to respond, but the three men moved more quickly than you'd expected. You shifted into battle mode and began to fight for your life. Every grunt, gasp, and curse came through loud and clear for your team to hear.

"(Y/N)!" Steve yelled again. "What's your location?"

"Left," you gasped out as you blocked a punch. "of--shit," you inhaled sharply as a blow landed to your side. "entrance," you finished, managing to land a punch of your own.

Steve knew you could handle yourself, just as well as Sam and Natasha could, but the thought of something happening to you spurred him into overdrive. He raced back the way he'd come, hoping to find you along the way. He could still hear you through your comms, which told him you were still fighting.

"I'm heading there now," Natasha's voice said over the comms.

She was closer to you than Steve was, but he didn't stop running in your direction. Before he could reach you, he ran into Sam just as he knocked out the last agent that had jumped him. "You good?" Steve asked.

"Fine. Let's go get (Y/N/N)," Sam responded.

As the two men ran, the sounds coming through the comms were getting more intense. Steve could tell you were losing steam, which meant you were at even more risk. Suddenly, he heard a pained gasp fill his ear, immediately followed by Natasha screaming your name.

Steve sped up, leaving Sam behind as he followed the sound of Natasha's scream. When he reached the open space, he saw something that terrified him beyond imagining. There were three men, one of which was clearly severely injured. The other two were actively fighting Natasha, but she was clearly holding her own. His eyes scanned the space and he saw your small form lying on the ground.

He raced towards you, not caring about anything but reaching your side. "(Y/N)!" he yelled.

You looked up towards him and his heart slowed down. You were alive.

He dropped to his knees when he reached you, eyes immediately assessing your body for injuries. You were clutching your side, hand covered in blood, pale face etched with pain.

"He stabbed me," you whispered.

Steve felt anger course through his veins, but he willed himself to remain calm and focus on you. "I'm gonna get you out of here, okay?"

You shook your head. "Help Nat."

Steve looked over to Natasha. She'd heard your statement on the comms and just shook her head. "I've got this. Go!"

Sam was running over to help Natasha, so Steve made the command decision to get you out of there. He scooped you up into his arms, trying to ignore your cry of pain as he lifted you. "Sorry, (Y/N)," he murmured.

"It's okay," you mumbled.

Steve moved with a speed he'd forgotten he had, racing towards the exit with your body in his arms. He didn't want to hurt you anymore than you already were, each movement jostling you painfully. You stayed as quiet as you could, biting your lip to avoid whimpering in pain.

When he got outside, Steve rushed towards the quinjet, jogging up the ramp and placing you as gently as he could on one of the bench seats. He started rummaging around the cabin, desperately searching for the first aid kit.

"Cabinet behind the pilot chair," you said softly.

"What?" Steve said as he turned to face you.

"The first aid kit," you said, pointing towards the cabinet.

He moved to open the cabinet you pointed at, pulling out the first aid kit and coming back to your side. "Can you lift your shirt up for me, (Y/N/N)?"

You moved your hand and pulled up your shirt slowly, allowing Steve to get a better look at your wound. He inhaled sharply before digging around in the kit to pull out cleaning supplies. "This is gonna hurt."

You nodded. "I know."

He didn't look at your face, still unable to make eye contact with you, focusing instead on cleaning the deep cut in your side. Even as he cleaned the wound, blood still flowed steadily from it. He quickly realized he wasn't going to be able to just stitch it up, he needed to try and stop the bleeding as best as he could and get you back to the compound.

"Stevie?" you whispered.

The softness of your voice scared him. He could tell how weak you were just from your voice. "Hey, hey, I'm here. You're okay," he said gently.

"Am I gonna die?"

For the first time in months, Steve made eye contact with you. He saw the fear in your eyes and immediately reached out to touch your face, cupping your cheek gently. "You're not going to die, (Y/N). I promise."

The authority in his voice almost made you believe that was a promise he could keep, but you knew better. You weren't sure how much blood you'd lost, but you imagined it was a fair amount based on how exhausted you suddenly felt. You just wanted to close your eyes and go to sleep.

When your eyes fluttered closed, Steve gently shook you. "Hey, stay with me, doll. Keep your eyes open."

You opened your eyes and looked at him. "I'm tired, Stevie."

Tears welled in his eyes. "I know, but you gotta stay awake, okay? Just stay awake."

You nodded, trying desperately to keep your eyes open as Steve pulled out several wads of bandaging and begins packing your wound to the best of his ability.

After a few minutes, Sam and Natasha came running up the ramp of the jet. Upon seeing you lying on the bench seat, Natasha rushed to the cockpit and sat down in the pilot's seat, preparing to take off. She knew you needed to get out of there as fast as possible.

"Buckle up, boys. I'm getting us back home in record time," she said as she started to take off.

Sam dropped to his knees beside Steve. "What do you need, man?"

"Get me more bandages," Steve insisted. His hands were holding the packed bandages into your wound, but he needed more. As Sam handed him more bandages, Steve pushed them farther into you.

You groaned in pain, eyes starting to close again.

"Don't you close your eyes on me, (Y/N)!" Steve yelled.

You couldn't do what he asked this time around. You were simply too tired, your eyes feeling too heavy. You could hear a mixture of Steve's and Sam's voices as your eyes fluttered closed and the world faded to black.

**********

You awoke to the steady sound of beeping, a sound you couldn't place. A few minutes passed and you began to wake up more fully, eyes finally fluttering open. You glanced around the room, quickly realizing you were in the infirmary back at the compound.

You groaned lightly as you tried to shift in the bed, sharp pain radiating from your side.

"(Y/N/N)?"

You turned your head and saw Steve moving towards the bed, concern on his face.

You offered him a small smile. "Hey," you whispered.

You watched his body relax, as if hearing your voice allowed him to finally breathe. He didn't quite meet your gaze as he spoke to you. "How are you feeling?"

"Like I got stabbed," you joked lightly.

Steve winced. "It's not funny, (Y/N)."

You sighed. "I know, but I'm okay thanks to you."

He shook his head. "You're a fighter, (Y/N/N). That was all you."

"Well, either way, I want to thank you."

"You're welcome," he said softly.

He still wouldn't look at you and it was breaking your heart. You felt a wave of anger rush over you and you decided you just wanted to be alone. "I--uh--I'm tired."

"Oh--umm...okay, yeah, I'll, uh--I'll go," he said quickly.

You watched him walk out of the room and you exhaled heavily. The man had literally just saved your life and you were rude to him. You felt bad, but you were also so annoyed with him. He'd looked at you when he thought you were dying, but now that you were going to be okay? He couldn't look at you. It hurt more than you could ever express.

**********

Three days later, you were finally released from the infirmary and allowed to go back to your room. You were limping slightly, the pain in your side worsening if you walked too quickly. When you got to your room, you collapsed on your bed, tired of being stuck in the hospital bed. The comfort of your own bed quickly lulled you to sleep, the most restful sleep you'd had in days.

When you woke up, you were starving. You looked at your phone and realized you'd been sleeping for several hours and it was already 8pm. You dragged yourself out of bed and made your way downstairs to get some food.

When you entered the kitchen, you were surprised to see Steve sitting at the island, quietly eating a bowl of cereal by himself.

"Cereal at 8pm?" you asked with a chuckle.

Steve's head shot up at the sound of your voice. "I, uh--I haven't eaten much the last few days. I was hungry."

You cocked your head to the side as you regarded him. "Is everything okay? You normally eat enough for five grown men."

The ghost of a smile crossed his lips. "It's just been tough these past few days."

"Why? Did something happen?"

He just shrugged, staring down into his bowl of cereal.

"Stevie?" you whispered.

"I don't want to talk about it, (Y/N)."

You were so surprised by the sharpness of his voice that you instantly backed off. "Sorry. I'll just make a quick sandwich and I'll be out of your hair."

Steve exhaled loudly, the urge to punch himself in the face overwhelmingly strong. "I'm sorry," he said softly. "I didn't mean to snap."

"It's alright." You set about making your sandwich in silence. After a few moments you spoke again. "If you decide you want to talk about whatever is bothering you, I'll be around."

He was surprised by your offer, but he nodded his appreciation. "Thanks."

"Anytime," you say as you grab your sandwich and make your way back to your room.

You don't see the way Steve stares at your back as you walk away, eyes filled with tears at the way you limped, pain obvious in every move you made. You didn't see the tears fall down his cheeks, nor the way he rubbed his forehead, stress evident on his features. He hated himself for so many reasons in this moment, shame oozing from every pore in his body. The last thing he ever wanted to do was hurt you, but that was clearly what he was doing. He wanted to talk to you, to explain what he was doing, to finally tell you the truth, but he couldn't. He couldn't bring himself to go to you, couldn't tell you how he felt...couldn't even admit it to himself.

**********

Almost three weeks passed before you finally started to feel relatively normal. Your side still ached a little, but you'd been cleared to start working out again. You were insanely thankful, having been cooped up in your room for weeks.

You walked into the compound's gym, happy to find it blissfully empty. It was early morning, long before most of your team was even awake. You started with your stretching before hopping on the treadmill, knowing you still needed to take it slow.

You didn't notice when Steve entered the gym, surprise on his face to see you there. He hadn't heard that you'd been cleared, but he also hadn’t spoken to you since that night in the kitchen. Maybe a word of greeting in passing, but nothing more than that.

He knew he couldn't just ignore you, so he decided to make his presence known. "Good morning," he called.

You turned your head and shot him a smile. "Good morning, Steve."

"When did you get cleared?"

"Last night actually."

Steve nodded. "Awesome. How, uh--how are you feeling?"

"Actually really good. Still a little sore, but almost back to normal. Being able to get back into the grove of things is definitely going to help. I was so tired of sitting around my room."

"I bet," he said as he picked up a set of free-weights. "I would probably die of boredom."

You chuckled at the the joking tone of his voice. "I almost did," you joked back.

He just smiled, attention now focusing on his own workout.

You watched quietly, eyes locked on the man across the room from you. He was looking in the mirror as he lifted, making sure to keep his stance proper.

After several minutes, Steve's eyes drifted, meeting yours in the mirror. You blushed as you looked away, slightly ashamed for staring at him so blatantly. To your surprise, you saw a small smirk form on Steve's lips, but he didn't say anything.

Steve was equally surprised to see you watching him. What really got to him was the clear desire he swore he saw in your eyes...but that couldn't be. You were Bucky's girl, always would be. It didn't matter that Bucky was never coming back, in Steve's mind, you belonged to someone else.

The two of you continued to do your workouts in silence. You finished up about 30 minutes later and headed back to your room to take a shower.

While in the shower, you let your mind wander...thinking about your relationship with Steve and how complicated everything had become. You just wanted to talk to him, to get back to a good place with him.

As soon as you got out of the shower, you quickly threw some clothes on, not even bothering with undergarments. Moments later, you were standing in front of his door, banging on it like a crazy person.

After several knocks, the door swung open to reveal a scantily clad Steve, hair and chest still damp from his own shower. When he saw that it was you knocking on the door, a deep blush heated up his face and he practically jumped backwards, searching for a shirt to throw on.

"Hey, sorry--I didn't know it was you. Would have put a shirt on," he mumbled as he pulled a clean t-shirt over his head.

"It's okay," you said as you entered his room and closed the door. "We need to talk."

"Umm, okay," he said. "What about?"

"I think you know."

He looked at the floor, the wall, the ceiling, literally anywhere but at you.

"That!" you yelled, pointing at his face.

"What?"

"You haven't looked at me since the day I got stabbed...and even before that, you could barely look at me. We don't speak, we don't hang out, it's like we don't even know each other. I need you, Steve, and I hate this. I hate how this feels."

Steve was quiet, knowing you were right.

"You have nothing to say?"

"I--I don't...what do you want me to say?"

"Anything, Steve! I want you to just say something! Tell me I'm crazy, tell me you hate me, tell me you never want to see my face again, but dear god, please don't keep doing this to me. I can't live like this," you ended your rant with in a whisper.

Steve looked down at the floor, the pain in your voice eating away at his resolve. He hated this as much as you did, but he wasn't sure what he should do...what he should say. "I don't hate you," he said softly.

You inhaled a stuttered breath and tried to keep your voice even, "Then why are you doing this?"

"I didn't mean to hurt you," he whispered. "I'd never want to hurt you."

You took a step towards him. "At least look at me," you begged.

He knew if he looked into your eyes, he would lose it. But the pain in your voice mixed with the soft pleading tone nearly broke his heart in two. His eyes very slowly rose up to meet yours. The moment they did, everything changed. All of the emotions both of you had been keeping locked away came bubbling to the surface, evident in your gazes.

"(Y/N)," he whispered.

The way he said your name spoke volumes. You suddenly realized he felt the same way you did: guilt and shame covering a deep, endless love.

You took a step toward him, then another, until you were close enough to touch him. You started to reach up towards his face, but his gaze shifted away from you.

"Don't look away," you pleaded softly, laying your palm against his cheek.

His eyes met yours again and your heart clenched in your chest. There was so much you wanted to say, to explain, but you couldn't. It was as if your entire vocabulary had disappeared in an instant.

The same could not be said for Steve. Your loss for words somehow opened the floodgates of his mind. "Out of all of the things I imagined happening in the last year, falling in love with you was not one of them. I never intended to, I wouldn't do that to you, or to Bucky...but it just happened. I thought the guilt would ease if I didn't tell you how I felt, but it kept eating away at me, so I thought that maybe if I pulled away from you, the love would go away too."

"How'd that go for you?" you asked softly.

He laughed mirthlessly, taking your hand from his cheek and holding it in his own. "Worse than I could ever describe." He took a deep breath. "When you got hurt...I was terrified. I thought I was going to lose you and it nearly killed me. But when you survived and started to get better, the guilt I felt was drowning me. Guilt for loving you, guilt for hurting you, guilt for letting you down...I couldn't breathe."

"I know how it feels to carry that guilt," you murmured. "When I realized I'd fallen for you, I hated myself. My only thought was how could I do that to Bucky? It felt like I was betraying him." You sighed. "But I know better than that. I know Bucky better than that. All he ever wanted was for me to be happy, even if he wasn't around for it."

"He was my best friend," Steve whispered. "And he loved you more than anything in this life. It feels like I'm spitting on his grave bc I feel the same way he did."

"He wrote me a letter," you said softly. "'You may be the love of my life, but I don't have to be yours.'" You shook your head. "He made me promise that if anything ever happened to him, I would move on, find love again, live a beautiful life. It was the only thing he ever wanted for me."

Steve was surprised to hear Bucky had written you a letter. His friend had never mentioned anything like that to him. He wasn't surprised, however, to hear what Bucky made you promise him. He was always planning for the future...just in case.

"I didn't think I'd fall in love again so quickly, but it's not something I can control," you said. "It's too late now. My heart chose you."

For the first time in his life, Steve didn't think. He didn't pause, didn't try to be rational. He acted on impulse, on desire, on months of pent-up emotion.

His lips met yours in an unexpected fiery kiss, a kiss that stole all the air from your lungs. It was intoxicating and overwhelming, the kind of kiss you never wanted to end.

But of course, it had to end, you both needed to breathe, though neither of you wanted to part. You were breathless when Steve's lips left yours, leaving you wanting more.

His forehead rested against yours, breath mingling with yours. "If we do this," he whispered, "there's no going back."

You pulled away so you could look up at him. "I don't wanna go back."

Your words were the confirmation he needed to hear. He pulled you in tightly against himself, hands grabbing at your hips to keep you close. His lips slammed against yours again, tongue sliding into your mouth, a low moan slipping from his throat.

You found yourself suddenly desperate, the need to feel his skin against yours so overwhelming you couldn't breathe. You clawed at his shirt, silently urging him to remove it. He got the hint, pulling away from you just long enough to tug his shirt off over his head.

Steve wanted you so badly, his entire body ached with need, but he didn't want to lose control. He knew very well that his sheer size and strength could easily hurt you, and he wanted to be gentle.

His hands slid up under your shirt, tugging it upwards to help you remove it. When he saw your bare chest, he let out a low groan. "Holy...no bra?"

"Comfort first," you said lightly before leaning back into him, tugging his face down to yours, lips against his ear. "No panties, either."

Steve felt his cock jump at your words and if the man cursed, this would be the moment to do it. Instead he said, "You're killing me, doll."

"I'm just getting started," you teased before pushing him back so he fell onto the bed. His hands were still gripping you tightly, so he pulled you along with him. You landed on top of him with a chuckle before kissing him affectionately.

You made quick work of removing his pants, along with your own, revealing your nude form to him. He found himself wanting to touch and kiss every square inch of your body, but it seemed you had other plans.

You began to pull his underwear down and his cock sprang free. It was as large as you expected and you licked your lips in anticipation.

Steve watched you with wide eyes, much less comfortable in the bedroom than you were, given his minimal experience.

Your eyes flicked up to his as you slowly leaned down, taking his cock into your mouth, eyes never leaving his. His moan was so loud it sent a wave of desire straight to your core.

Steve watched as you began to move, lips wrapped tightly around his cock. He'd never felt something so incredible in his life, his moans evidence of his pleasure. His hand grabbed your hair and pulled it to the side so he could watch you as you sucked.

"Feels so good, doll," he groaned.

You moaned, sending vibrations through his cock, eliciting a deep moan from his chest. You started to pick up speed, your motions urging him quickly towards his orgasm.

"Doll, if you--god--if you keep doing that I'm gonna cum," he whispered.

You lifted off his cock for a second and looked up at him with a smile. "That's the point, handsome."

You descended on him again, picking up right where you left off. His hips began to jerk, his breathing shallowed, and his moans increased in volume.

You knew he was about to cum, so you relaxed your throat and took all of him into you. The sudden constriction and the warm, wet heat of your mouth had him cummming instantly, gasps of your name leaving his lips.

You swallowed everything he had to give, making sure to lick his tip clean once he was finished. His body shuddered and he tugged gently on your hair, letting you know he was sensitive.

He pulled you up to him, reaching out to drag your face down to his so he could kiss you. "That was incredible, doll," he murmured.

"Glad I could be of service," you said lightly.

He grinned. "I think it's my turn."

"Oh?" You knew Steve wasn't as experienced as you were, but that didn't mean he didn't have some moves up his sleeve.

"Mhmm," he hummed. "Come on up here and sit on my face, pretty girl."

Your eyes widened in shock, jaw going slack at his words. "Pardon me?"

He chuckled at your shocked expression. "You heard me, doll. I want you to sit on my face."

"And here I thought you were a good boy, Steven," you teased.

He groaned involuntarily at the praise and you picked up on it immediately.

"You like it when I call you a good boy, don't you?"

He nodded vigorously, surprised at the way those two words turned him on.

You ran your fingers through his hair gently. "Well, you have been a really good boy for me so far, so I suppose I could give you a reward."

"Please," he begged softly, not quite sure what he was begging for.

You grinned wolfishly. "Lay flat, pretty boy."

The giant man practically preened at your words. He felt this overwhelming desire to do whatever you asked him to do, to please you in every possible way. He was willing to do anything to earn your praise.

Once he was comfortable, you moved to hover over his head, preparing to give him what he asked for. "You sure, baby?" you asked sweetly.

His hands grabbed your thighs, gripping them tightly. "I wanna taste you," he whimpered.

You could have cum right there just looking at his needy expression and the pleading tone in his voice. You lowered yourself onto his mouth, allowing him to determine how much of your weight he wanted on his face.

His tongue darted out, licking against your pussy gently. He grunted, clearly bothered by the way you seemed to hover over him. He pulled you down against him with all of his strength and held you there firmly.

He let out a moan of contentment as he began to eat you out in earnest.

"Holy...shit, baby," you moaned, grabbing at his headboard for support.

In between desperate moans of pleasure, all you could think was holy fucking shit, where the hell had he learned how to do that? It was like he knew every single one of your sweet spots without having to learn them. He knew exactly what you needed to have you falling apart on his mouth in minutes.

"Oh god--Steve, please--don't stop, baby--please."

He loved hearing you beg, especially in that tone. He could practically hear the pleasure dripping from your voice as your arousal dripped into his mouth. He wanted to hear the sounds you made as you came, so he sped up his movements, silently begging you to soak his face.

And soak his face you did. You came with a cry of his name, juices pouring into his mouth as he continued to lap at your core. His tight grip on your thighs kept you from squirming out of his grip until he decided he was finished tasting you.

When he finally let you go, you collapsed on the bed beside him. "Good lord, Steve," you said breathlessly. "Where the hell did you learn to do that?"

He was still licking his lips as he rolled over to look at you. "Would you laugh if I said 'the internet'?"

Your head snapped to the left to look at him. "You learned how to eat my pussy like that from the internet?"

He could hear the incredulity in your voice and it made him blush with pride, and maybe a little embarrassment at hearing you say the word 'pussy'. "So I did alright?"

You grabbed his face and held him still. "Baby, you were amazing."

His blush only deepened. "Thanks, doll."

"Thank you," you teased warmly.

He chuckled lightly. "Is it okay if I'm not done with you yet?"

You grinned. "I'd be upset if you were."

He grinned back and rolled on top of you, wedging himself comfortably between your thighs. He looked down at you, eyes taking in your beautifully disheveled appearance. "You're so gorgeous," he whispered reverently.

Now it was your turn to blush under his appreciative gaze. His fingers ghosted over the scar on your side, a look of sadness crossing his features. Much to your surprise, his hand kept moving and his expression lost any trace of sorrow. While he hated seeing a scar mar you perfect skin, it served as a reminder of your strength.

His hands gently traced the tattoo on your collarbone and shoulder, eyes following the path as he moved. You couldn't help the shiver that raced through your body at his touch, the need for him pooling in your belly once again.

"Baby?"

"Hmm?" he hummed in response, eyes still on your body.

"I need you," you whispered.

His eyes shot to yours instantly, cock twitching at the need in your voice. "What do you need me to do, sweet girl?"

You bit your lip as you looked up at him, suddenly feeling shy. You had no issue demanding what you wanted from your partner, but Steve was different. He was softer, gentler, more innocent than anyone you'd ever been with. The coarse way you usually talked in the bedroom didn't feel quite right with him, so you tried a much softer approach.

"I wanna feel you inside me, baby," you murmured. "I ache for you."

Steve groaned lowly. "Anything you want, doll."

He lined himself up with your entrance and looked up at you for confirmation before slowly entering your core. He could see the pain on your face, despite the moans coming from your mouth, and it hurt him more than he'd care to admit.

"I'm sorry, doll," he whispered, placing soft kisses all over your face. "I know it hurts, sweet girl. I'll go slow--I'm sorry."

You loved how much this man cared about you, how gentle he wanted to be. It warmed your heart, but you didn't want him to think that you couldn't handle the stretch...this wasn't your first rodeo, so you knew the pain would quickly subside.

"Look at me," you said firmly, hands reaching down to grab at Steve's hips.

He looked at you, concern etched onto his handsome face.

"I can handle a little pain, Steve." Your hands slid to his ass. "I need to feel you inside of me and I need it now." You dug your fingers into him and pulled his lower body towards you, forcing his cock farther into you.

Your demands, mixed with the incredible feeling of being inside of you, urged Steve to plunge the rest of the way into your core. You gasped at the feeling of fullness, hands coming to rest on his biceps.

He was breathing hard already, the feeling of being inside of you was something he could never describe. It was the most pleasure he'd ever experienced and he hadn't even moved yet.

"Make love to me," you begged, a bit of dominance in your voice.

Steve's body reacted completely on its own, hips moving back and forth without thought. The moment he began to move, his brain was so consumed with pleasure that he couldn't think of anything else but you.

"You feel so good, doll. I love being inside you," he moaned into your ear.

Your brain had already began to shut down, blinding pleasure building in your abdomen. The only thing you cared about was reaching your high. "Harder, Steve," you begged.

He was slightly surprised by your demand, but he wasn't going to deny you. His hips began to move faster, slamming into you with more force. He didn't feel like he was giving you what you needed, so he shifted slightly, changing the angle of his thrusts.

You cried out in pleasure, the new angle allowing him to hit a spot so deep inside of you, it was rare a man would find it. "Steve!" you moaned.

Even if he had been completely deaf and blind, he still would have known how much you enjoyed what he was doing by the way your core squeezed him so tightly. He was finding it extremely difficult not to cum, but he would be damned if he came before you. He was a gentleman, after all.

"Baby girl, I need you to cum for me," he whispered.

You were so close, but you needed more. "Talk dirty to me," you begged. Had you been in your right mind, you wouldn't have asked this of him, but your brain was too clouded with pleasure to think straight.

Steve was shocked by your request, but he could see it in your eyes--you needed this. He wasn't accustomed to dirty talk, but he'd be a liar if he said he'd never seen it in porn or read it in a book.

"You're doing so well for me, baby," he said, not sure if he was saying the right thing.

You moaned softly, spurring him on.

"So tight and warm. Squeezing me so good," he murmured.

"So close, baby," you cried.

"Yeah? You like the way my cock feels inside you?"

You nodded rapidly, unable to speak.

"Yeah, I know you do. Making such pretty little sounds for me."

You were about to tip over the edge, legs shaking, head thrown back, moans louder than before.

Steve knew it too...he could tell you were close. He wracked his brain for something else to say--something that would hit you just right.

"That's it pretty girl. This pretty little pussy was made for me. All mine," he growled. He'd be lying if he said it didn't make him a little uncomfortable to say it, but he thought it would do the trick.

You screamed his name, orgasm slamming into you like a freight train. Steve kept thrusting, making sure to help you ride out your orgasm, while also chasing his own.

Moments later, he came deep inside of you, grunting out your name as he filled you with his seed.

You were a shaking mess beneath him once he finished and he pulled out slowly, making sure not to hurt you. He laid on his side beside you and grabbed you around the waist, pulling you tightly against him with your back to his front.

"You okay, doll?" he asked softly.

"Yeah," you said, still trying to catch your breath.

"Good." He was also out of breath, but it took him a lot less time to come back to normal.

Once your breathing had gone back to normal, his body relaxed. He was consumed with the desire to protect you and ensure you were happy and safe. Even the sounds of your labored breathing had his heart clenching in his chest.

"Excellent work with the dirty talk," you said softly. "Sorry I asked you to do that--I--I wasn't thinking straight."

He kissed your shoulder softly. "It's okay, doll. I'll do anything you ask of me. I'm glad I did okay."

"Okay?" you said in surprise, turning to look at him. "That was way better than okay."

He blushed, basking in your appreciation. "Would you laugh if I said it was the best sex of my life?"

You grinned. "I would never laugh, Steve. It's a honor to hold such a title...and also gives me a really good incentive."

"Incentive for what?"

"To do better next time," you teased, kissing him before rolling over so you could face him properly. "And the time after that."

He laughed. "I'll work on the dirty talk too, since I know you like that."

You smiled and touched his face gently. "I know how hard it was for you to say the word 'pussy', but it was hot as hell."

The redness in his cheeks deepened. "That's how you know I really love you. I'm willing to say things I've never said in my life."

"Well you also have a massive praise kink, so that probably factors in."

"A praise kink? What's that?"

You chuckled at his innocence. It was so damn cute. "You know how you liked it when I called you a 'good boy'?"

He groaned at the thought. "I think I remember."

You smiled. "Yeah, that's a praise kink. And the way you reacted to my demands? Kinda submissive...which, is a bit of a change for me, but it's incredibly hot."

"Really?"

You sat up slightly, gesturing to his large form. "Baby, you're a huge, hulking, massive specimen of a man...to have you being so submissive to me, so willing to do anything I ask? It's the biggest turn on I can imagine."

"So you think I'm a huge, hulking, massive specimen of a man?" he teased.

You smacked him lightly and he grabbed you, flipping you under him with ease. He ran his fingers lightly over your skin, tickling you as he moved.

"Oh my god, stop--stop," you said breathlessly, laughter spilling from your lips.

He stopped and his lips met yours in a sweet, loving kiss. "Sorry, doll. You're just so cute, I couldn't help it."

You rolled your eyes jokingly. "You're a dork."

"Mhmm," he hummed. "I'm your dork."

You sighed softly. "Yes you are, and I'm pretty damn lucky."

"Super lucky," he teased.

"Oh so you're a brat too?"

"A brat?"

Your eyes held a dark sparkle in them that intrigued him, but also kind of turned him on.

"Oh baby, I have so much to teach you."

"Can we start now?" he asked lightly, eyes full of mischief and love.

You grinned ear to ear, reaching up to tug his face down to yours. You kissed him deeply, sparking a passionate desire deep within him. He was putty in your hands and you reveled in the feeling of power. But if he asked you for something, you would do it without a second thought...so perhaps you were just as malleable in his hands as he was in yours. In that moment, you decided you wanted to spend the rest of your life finding out.

#steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x reader smut #steve rogers smut #marvel smut #chris evans smut #bucky barnes x reader

417 notes · View notes

murder-popsicle · 2 months ago

Text

Even growing up, Bucky had a very warped sense of self-worth. She was stuck between a desire to be her idea of a “good person” — a combination of what the Church says is virtuous and the kind of person she thinks that Steve thinks she is — and a deeply-rooted feeling of responsibility for the people she loves.

Sometimes those come into conflict, and when they do, the latter feeling usually wins; she wants to be good, but she needs to take care of her loved ones. She’ll do whatever she has to in order to protect them, even if it’s not particularly honest or ethical, so there’s a constant inner tension between who she desires to be and who she feels she has to be.

She’s not perfect; she can be selfish, she can be petty, she can be ruthless and unforgiving and sometimes outright vengeful. But she tends to fixate on these qualities, and she perceives them as being much more prominent than they are.

The war fucked her up pretty badly, even before Arnim Zola got his hands on her. She felt like killing came a little too easily to her, and that it should have bothered her more than it actually did. But at the same time, to lift a line directly from the comics, “It had to be done, so I did it. Simple as that.”

Following her time in the factory, she started sometimes finding her kills satisfying -- something she never told Steve, because she was afraid of how he might react. Personally, I think those feelings were a direct result of her suffering captivity, rape, and torture in that factory, but she worried that either Zola had done something to her that had changed her, or that she'd always been evil deep down and simply hadn't fully realized it until the war brought it to the surface.

In the present day, as far as she’s concerned, she’s not a good person and she never will be; she’s done too many horrible things for redemption to be possible. But she’ll try anyway, because it gives her a purpose in life and a reason to get out of bed in the morning.

#headcanon #about bucky #hc list #rape mention cw

2 notes · View notes

maddy011901 · 2 years ago

Text

hi 🍂🩷🌙🧣

(previously known as omfgdany)

ao3

sims 4 gallary id: maddy011901

💌 a list of things you might see on my blog (this is a fandom blog, first and foremost)

sims 4 posting (builds, cas, challenges, legacy, etc...)

tubbo

hex haywire 🖤❗️

redacted audio (gavin is my favorite)

hermitcraft!!!

aesthetic posts

yuurivoice (alphonse, by beloved)

hermitcraft (season 9 is defiantly my fave lol but 7 and 8 will always hold special places in my heart)

traffic life series (scar, my beloved <;3)

the last of us (ellie is my ride or die)

genshin impact (only got into it bc of venti, he's my baby)

anime (my current top 5: banana fish, fruits basket, psycho-pass, black butler, & )

other mcyt (it is still mostly tubbo)

one direction (I'm not a larrie anymore but my faves are harry & louis)

taylor swift (die hard swiftie since debut ~ top five albums in no peticular order: evermore, speaknow, ttpd, reputation & folklore)

high fantasy books (idk how to read /j)

fnaf (I've been a fan since around fnaf 2! freddy is my fave)

stim boards

barbie movies

bratz dolls (I've had a fixation on them since i was a kid)

obey me (I'm in love with asmodeus and beelzebub)

music & musicians (i'm not particularly picky about music so expect all kinds of stuff)

the scream movies (HUGE fan of the 1st 4...i feel realty neutral about 5 and 6)

sanrio (i like cute, sweet things)

pokemon (i like fairy and grass types but my favorite pokemon is Ditto lol)

birds (one of my special interests from when I was a kid that has recently resurfaced lol)

game of thrones & house of the dragon (i have complicated feelings)

good omens

the narnia movies (idk how to feel about the remakes but i am hopeful!)

resident evil games (i like the stage plays too!)

the mcu (loki stan, bucky stan, wanda stan, peter stan)

other roleplay asmr (this is something very personal to me so i don't really talk about it lol)

2000s and 2010s "nostalgia"

dragon ball (the og anime, my bf introduced me to it and I fell in love)

anime tiddies

fanart (i love reblogging fanart)

fanfic (i write & reblog fanfic!)

🐰 about me 🌷

i don't really retire from fandoms (unless i have a negative experience) so i blog about an endless number of fandoms

all pronouns means i am comfortable with any and/or all pronouns being used for me!! (i think i'm agender?)

Dany is not my real name, i started going by it online in 2019/2020 :) my real name is Maddy, idc which i am called ~ i have also gone by the names Kitty, Raye, & Bambi online

my favorite color is #f3859f

my special interest is a fantasy world i created when i was a little kid and i am currently writing a fantasy book series based on it

I'm a capricorn

I am in a relationship <3

my favorite characters are almost always "the blonde one" (they're at least "blonde coded")

my favorite number is 19

i'm a tumblr veteran (my first ever tumblr account was made in 2013/2014)

I've been writing fanfiction since i was 10 (i was writing it before i even knew it was a thing lol) my first fanfic was a walking dead fanfic i also made edit tv/movie trailers for lol

age regressor but I don't really post about it online

I am active on other social media (Instagram, tiktok, Twitter, reddit, pinterest, etc...)

My blog speaks for itself for the most part. I'm a chronic reblogger

i've been writing as a hobby since childhood, including original fiction/fantasy works and fanfic and poetry

🎀 other info 🧸

i was diagnosed with "level 1 autism" in 2020 but i think i am actually more like level 2 tbh

i use my queue for reblogs (most of the time) so i don't clog up feeds and stuff :)

if you feel the need to block me, for whatever reason, that is okay

if you appear to be a bot (no pfp, no posts/reblogs, no bio, no recent activity, etc) i WILL block you

my asks are closed because they make me anxious

i don't have a dni list because if i dont want you to interact with me i will just block you

i am not comfortable sharing much about my personal life. that being said might reblog/like/follow things related to myself or my personal life

i am queer (for now I'm going with agender bisexual, but that is subject to change)

i frequently use tone indicators

💘 tags 💭

tags stayed the same post name change lol

dany rambles - exactly what it sounds like, just rambles

dany's diary - personal posts (this is a more recent tag, older posts won't have it)

dany vents - vent posts (i also tags these as "vent" and "vent post")

dany writes - posts about my writing but not my wips/fics/etc themselves

dany's q - posts from my queue

simming with dany (sims 4 posting lol)

💬 socials 🍓

tiktok (shitposting&theonlyglimpsyougetintomypersonalife)

twitter (taylorswiftstanaccount)

pinterest (fandomfaves&myaesthetic)

spotify (music!!!)

#dany's diary #dany rambles #long post #pinned

8 notes · View notes

ironstrangle · 1 year ago

Text

Kissing Sam Wilson #25 - Him (SamBucky, but Implied SamSteve and Stucky, 600 words)

@samsseptember prompt - Part Time Avenger | On The Run

“I always wanted to ask you,” Bucky admitted, as he looked down at the photograph. It was a grainy photo, probably taken on some cheap portable device. Sam and Steve smiled at the camera, but he could see the weariness on their faces. At the time of the photo, they were on the run from their own government. “I never really knew the right way to ask, but why did you follow Steve?”

Sam swallowed hard at those words. His eyes seemed to be fixated on the photograph. He looked as though looking away would be painful to him.

“That’s actually a pretty good question,” Sam chuckled, turning the photograph around so that it was facing down against his palm. That seemed to make it easier to focus on the man in front of him. “I mean, I knew why I followed Steve at first. I had lost Riley in the same way he lost you. I knew that I’d do anything to get my other half back and if it was possible for Steve, we had to try it.”

Bucky nodded, appreciative of the words. Sam’s empathy was something that he’d fallen in love with right away. He was so good to other people. He had lost a lot, suffered a lot in his life, but unlike some people, it hadn’t made him crueler. It had made him more compassionate, more loving, more intense.

“But that doesn’t explain why you became a literal fugitive for the man.”

Sam’s cheeks turned a little redder, confirming something about him that Bucky had long suspected. It didn’t bother him. He and Sam were in a healthy relationship that was going strong, even though by every other piece of evidence, it shouldn’t. They were doing well, and they loved each other.

The fact of the matter was, though, that they had both been in love with Steve Rogers at one point in their lives.

“When was it for you?” Bucky asked, the realization dawning easily.

“I would say just before the Accords fight,” Sam admitted. His face turned bright red, but to his credit, he flipped over the photo so that they were both looking at Steve’s stupid, handsome face. “Then, when he stood up for what he believed in…I was sunk. It was…it was silly…”

“It wasn’t silly,” Bucky said, shaking his head. “You have never judged me for my feelings for Steve.”

“Yeah, but you two had a lot more history, a lot more going between you two.”

“I fell in love with him for mostly the same reason,” Bucky admitted, squeezing his hand tightly. Sam felt the pressure there between them. “I saw his determination when he was a small kid, literally weighing about a hundred pounds. I saw the fact that he would never back down. It was hard not to fall for him.”

“Now look at us.”

Steve was gone, and they were a couple. They were, actually, doing well as pair-bonded. It worked perfectly. Their opinions about Steve were a little bit on the iffy side. They both loved and admired him more than they cared to admit, but there would always be that pain, that little bit of soreness.

“He brought us together, right?” Bucky said with a grin, kissing Sam and tucking him close to his chest.

“That he did.”

#sam wilson #bucky barnes #sam x bucky #sambucky #winterfalcon #sam september 2023

4 notes · View notes

bucky-barnes-diaries · 3 years ago

Text

Midnight Dip

Pairing; TFATWS!Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader

Summary; You and Bucky fuck in your newly installed hot tub.

Word Count; 1383

Warnings; NSFW, 18+ Only, Minors DNI, explicit sexual content/language, cursing, pet names, unprotected vaginal sex, hot tub sex, nipple/breast worship, mention of bodily fluids.

Authors Note; I hope you like it :D

Requested by the lovely @secretnutluminary

My request are open!

TFATWS!Bucky Masterlist

Sign up HERE to join my taglist! Tags may not always work so please follow @bucky-barnes-diaries-library and turn on notifications to never miss out on my writing!

Credit @asterie for the gif

After a couple of weeks of renovating yours and Bucky’s backyard patio, the final piece of the project was coming together at last. The new hot tub being installed was the cherry on top, and you both couldn’t wait to have your first dip in it.

The tub installer had instructed you both to wait till around midnight to take a dip since the hot tub needed a few hours to balance out the added chemicals in the water.

It was a little disappointing that you couldn’t use it straight away, but it was important to listen to the experts; they knew the best.

So there was nothing for you and Bucky to do but wait it out until nightfall came. Then you and he could finally dip yourselves into the relaxing warmth of the tub.

——

The clock had finally struck midnight, and the time had come for you and Bucky to hop into the hot tub.

Bucky quickly changed into his swim shorts and headed downstairs first as you needed a few more extra minutes to get ready.

A few months ago, you had bought a new bikini set, but there hadn’t been an appropriate time to use it, until now.

You put on the light pink two-piece garment and examine your body in the full-length mirror, giving yourself a nod of approval of the fabric accentuating your features.

When you came outside to the newly renovated backyard patio, Bucky had already situated himself comfortably into the warm and bubbly water. His arms rested on the back of the tub as he waited on you to arrive.

You got in on the opposite side of him and sank into the heated water. The warmth instantly calmed your flesh and mind. Your eyes closed in bliss, and a sound of utter enjoyment came out of you as the jets on your back felt soothing.

As you opened your eyes after a few moments of enjoying yourself, they fixated themselves on Bucky’s expression. His eyebrow was raised with a stern look on his face.

You knew the reasoning for his displeased appearance, and that was because you were sitting the farthest away from him. It was done intentionally, of course, to tease him.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

“Relaxing,” you said as a matter of fact in a taunting manner, “enjoying my new hot tub.”

You knew that wasn’t the answer he was looking for, and you couldn’t help but flash him a big smile to tease him even more.

“No, I mean, why are you sitting all the way over there, silly?”

“I-“

Bucky didn’t let you sass him even more. His hands grabbed your ankles to pull you over on his side. A yelp came from you as the motion was quick.

“Sit beside me, doll.”

Once you were by his side, he draped his vibranium arm around your shoulder, keeping your body close to his, so you couldn’t escape his embrace.

He turned your face to his and kissed you, sweet and caring at first, but it didn’t take long before his actions became sinful and demanding.

So much for a relaxing evening in the hot tub. But knowing you and Bucky, you always found a way to turn every situation into a passionate moment. So it came to no surprise that you were now sitting on top of him, feeling his growing bulge against your core.

“Well, that didn’t take long, did it, Bucky?”

A throaty chuckle sounded from him as his hands palmed your ass, kneading the soft flesh in his powerful grip.

“Well, you know me, doll. I can never resist you. Especially when you look so good in your pretty bathing suit.”

His lips collided against yours in a heated kiss, your tongues caressing one another. A rugged grip was kept on your hips underneath the water. His hold on you helped grind your covered pussy against his growing cock. Your hands rested where his shoulders met his neck, digging your nails into his flesh as you made out.

“Keep grinding on me like that, baby,” he removed his hands from you, “don’t stop.”

You didn’t.

You kept moving your pelvis against his as you leaned your forehead on Buckys. The sensation on your clit was what drove you forward.

Bucky removed your bikini top, and his eyes widened when he saw your breasts. The cold evening breeze had your nipples hardened as they were exposed to the air. You arched your back to present them for him, permitting him to do as he pleased.

“Fuck.”

He nuzzled his face in your soft flesh, palming your breasts in his colossal hands.

“I love it here,” he mumbled against your skin.

His expert mouth sucked, licked and bit your delicate nipple, giving it the attention it deserved before he moved on to the other to provide it with the same treatment. Mewls of satisfaction poured out of you with no control as he gave his undivided attention to your breasts.

You threw your head back as you were so close to the finish from the sensation on the two most sensitive parts of your body. Your hips picked up in speed as the tightness in your core was begging to be released.

“B-Bucky, I-I’m gonna-“

Bucky stopped his assaults on your breasts and grabbed your hips hard to stop your movements on him, forcing your release back.

“I need to be inside you first, baby.”

He freed his hard cock from its confinements and slid your bikini bottom to the side. His tip found your entrance, and he sank you down onto his cock, until his entire length was situated in you. You yelped out at the sudden stretch of your pussy. Closing your eyes hard at the hint of stinging pleasure.

Bucky’s eyes fluttered shut, and a rough groan emerged from him. He needed a few seconds to get his bearings as you felt so incredibly tight around him.

“Fuck, so tight for me, doll.”

Once Bucky found his control back, he snapped his hips up against you, fucking you hard as you met his incoming thrusts. With each thrust, the tip of his cock brushed against your sweet spot, making you cry with sweet pleasure. The water splashed around you and onto the new patio as you fucked hard.

Bucky enclosed his lips around your nipple and continued worshipping them like he had done prior. Sucking, licking and biting on the sensitive area before he moved onto the other, switching position ever so often. Your hand snaked in his hair at the back of his head. Fisting your fingers in his locks to keep him close to your chest.

Your other hand went down to where you and Bucky were connected, circling your aching clit. The added stimulation had your orgasm rapidly nearing its end.

“Fuck, Bucky, I’m gonna cum.”

Him forcing your hips even harder down on him ignited your orgasm. Your walls flutter around him as you come hard around his length. Your face nuzzled into the crook of his neck, your cries sounded against his flesh, as his arms embraced you hard to keep your body tight against him, snapping his hips up into yours.

“I’m close, doll.”

He chased his orgasm. Concentrating hard on how your warm and tight pussy hugged his length, begging for his cum. The added sensation of your mouth kissing, sucking and biting his damp flesh urged his orgasm forwards.

“Cum for me, babe.”

With a rough groan from within his chest, he came deep inside you. Curses of your name left his lips like a broken record as your walls milked his cock for all its seed.

“Just like that, baby. Give it to me.”

The sensation of his cum filling you up was the most satisfying feeling in the words. You always felt content when you were full of his hot cum.

Both of you stilled when you had come down from your high—holding each other tight as you calmed yourselves down.

Bucky grabbed your face in his hands, making you look into his blue eyes before he gave you a sweet kiss. When you parted, he flashed you his biggest smile.

“Best decision to install a hot tub, doll.”

“Agreed. Best decision ever, Bucky.”

Thank you for reading❤️ Feedback through a comment is highly appreciated! Or let me know through an anonymous ask if that feels more comfortable. As well as a reblog to share my work with other people!

Bucky Barnes Taglist:

@vibraniumcollar @stardust-galaxies @kaitieskidmore1 @babydaddy-buckybarnes @poetic-heart @falcvns @thegirlnextdoorssister @godesslaura @tatestripedsweater @leyannrae @angryknightstatesmantrash @doasyoudesireandlive @rowanthomasknapp @justreadingficsdontmindme @im-just-a-mississippi-girl @dontputyourfckingdrinkonmytable @myakai13 @obxcalm @secret-obsessions @alina02 @mrswoodxstanxobrien @supermassivesimp @barnesmanbun @justyourlocalwhore @living-that-best-life @phildunphyisadilf @winterwhore @cutierocker202 @niallhoransupremacy @iwannabekilledtwice @anavesfd @lovinglybarnes @avengershoney @elizabeth228 @hoe-4-sebstan @666abby6666 @what-is-your-wish @thtweirdointhecornr1917 @supernaturalbaesduh @mrromanoff @lonesomewitchking @fangirl1399 @sesamepancakes @stanmixtapes @jinsbutter @rosadiazsprecinct @chrissy07 @balekanemohafe @blairsbooktime @emmygrey21

If your name is in bold and crossed out it means I can’t tag you for some reason. My apologies.

If you are going to join the taglist please show support in following my blog as well! Thank you :)

2K notes · View notes

streets-in-paradise · 2 years ago

Text

Stranger Things Headcanons: Being Dustin’s older sister, a nerdy metalhead, and becoming closer with Eddie and Steve - Part 2

Masterlist

Word Count + 5 K (almost 6K)

Warnings: Jealous Eddie and a bit of idiots in love on all sides. The reader is a protective older sister who is very angry at Billy because of what he did to the kids in season 2. For so, he isn’t referenced in a good light. Cultural references to lord of the rings, hard rock bands and popular horror movies of the 80′s.

Pairings: Eddie Munson x (Fem) Henderson!Reader, Steve Harrington x (Fem) Henderson!Reader.

Notes: This is a direct continuation to a previous post, following some ideas that stayed out of it. Here i got the chance to include and even expand those.

Also, I have possibly usable material for 2 more parts. One continuing from the end of this one and going a bit more into the season 3 setting, then another one (that i can begin to think after watching the rest of it) for season 4.

Guide of references: Eru is the elvish name of the supreme deity in Tolkien lore.

For more information about my fixation with the concept of Steve and Bon Jovi, look at this early video of the band from a song of their first album.

Although the show already made for me the connection between Billy and Motley Crue, I don’t mind sharing you this anacronic video from a 1986 live version of “ Smokin’ In The Boy’s Room” Vince Neil sings with Jon Bon Jovi just because i feel like doing it to complete the introduction of vibes from both in order to show the contrast.

Tags: @losersclubisms @ph-oenix @bilesxbilinskixlahey @chalametnpeaches@beautifultypewriter-recommends @thatsonezesty13 @poppet05 @starkssnarks @tasmbestspdrman @shinycloudss @slut-for-bucky-barnes @rosecolorgardens @yourthebrokengirl @alexandraoonaghives

- One more interdimensional crisis afterwards, your brother had two new friends while an old one returned to stay.

- Strictly speaking, Max and El were the girlfriends of Lucas and Mike respectively, but you were excited the most about them being friends of Dustin. Seeing him forming bonds with girls from a young age meant a lot to you, it was a great sign showing that he wasn't going to repeat your story. You would always insist on showing him what a great thing it was because at first he used to feel bad about the overall reaction girls had to him. None wanted to dance with him at that dance his school organized, at least until Nancy saved the night. As his sister, you would have looked bad if you would try a similar trick, reason why you were very thankful to her for such a sweet gesture.

- It made him feel better that time, but it didn't completely erase his insecurities. Steve and you were working together to help him out, but from absolutely opposite fronts. While he would share with him his wisdom as an ex popular highschool heartthrob, you were trying to make Dustin understand that he wasn't failing for not having a girlfriend.

- " That is easy for you to say now that you are a groupie. " He shamelessly replicated once to one of your pieces of advice, making fun of your sneak outs to the shows of Eddie's band.

" That's not how it works, Dustin. I hang out with a bunch of guys who are in a band, and sometimes I go to their shows. That's all."

" Isn't that the definition of groupie?"

Your brother was a bit lost in the sexual implications of the term.

" Groupies get ... intimately involved with the band." You began to explain to him. " Some are smart enough to get money out of them, while others are dumb enough to fall for one of guys. Then, at the peak of the band's fame, he gets married to a respectable top model."

- Sexual implications of the term aside, you were like the dumb groupies in your explanation. The shows were an outlet for your feelings, behaving a bit like a fan was the safest way of expressing your crush on your talented friend.

- Once you confirmed his suspicions, Johnnatan became your best ally on the topic. He helped you into dealing with how you were feeling with a privileged understatement of the issue. He had been there back when Nancy and Steve were dating, the reason why he understood both sides of the situation you narrated to him: your crush on a friend and Eddie's own crush on a popular girl. It sucked, but he was supportive of your coping mechanisms and he even agreed to accompany you to the shows.

- In exchange for the help you would offer him to spend a few hours looking after Will, but you knew Johnny was going to do it anyway. He cared for you and wouldn't let you go alone to the shady places where Corroded Coffin usually played, places your mother would forbid you of stepping in if she knew where you were going.

- It was all fun and games between you both about your little adventures but, as soon as you would see Eddie on stage, your expression would transform. Objectively speaking, he was the best part of the band and his performance always would leave you in breathless amazement. You were a total fan of his music

- Through that strong admiration, you would set yourself free. For a while, you would self indulge in your illusions and he would go along with it, directing towards you some of his gestures of performative charisma. Logic would dictate that he was, at best, bragging his skill to you in a playful way. Yet, you were eager to toss any logic aside for a bit of comfort. ' A girl can dream.' you would tell yourself, in resignation.

- " Forget about that." Your brother replied to your quasi metaphorical explanation. " You are going to date a pop star and when the guitarist will see you with him at the next MTV VIdeo Music Awards, he is going to make a scandal that will make ratings skyrocket. "

You knew exactly what he meant.

" Steve is a friend and friendships are important. When you don't have friends, you become a socially awkward mess falling for the first person who says nice things about you. " Was your way of going back to the point you wanted to make. " Max is awesome, appreciate your friendship with her as you already do with El. Learn through your bonding with girls, now that you have the chance. I'm sure you will do so much better than me, you will see."

- Dustin simply wouldn't stop trying to sell you the idea of dating Steve as a solution to all your problems, even if it wasn't completely clear that he would want that. It only got worse since he found out that you were ocassionally making each other company at school, where he wasn't present.

- Steve was going through a hard time that coincided with his last months in school. All his fake friends were gone, most of his new friends were middle school kids and on top of that he had to watch his back from Hargrove. You didn't want him to go through all of that alone and you ended up becoming his main source of company of similar age at that moment, the main exception being when you were with the Hellfire Club.

- Whenever he would see you with them, he wouldn't even dare to glance at your direction. You guessed that it was because he knew he would feel out of place with them, especially given his recent past. Among the nerds there was no inclination towards seeing him and Hargrove as anything else but two different flavors of the same asshole. Even you used to be guilty of sharing that mindset.

- That was before getting to know him for real and before Hargrove showed the worst of him for you to realize that it was far superior to the worst of Steve. What he did to Lucas would have never been done by Steve, not even at the peak of his assholness. He targeted a whole group of middle school kids just for hanging out with his little step sister, but only one of them got the worst part. Dustin was there in the same position of Lucas bonding with Max while trying to control his crush. He could have tried to beat up your brother and surely, nothing would have stopped him from doing it, but he selectively chose to pick on Lucas first... As if daring to punch a kid wasn't horrible enough.

- It wouldn't matter how many times Max would try to tell you that he wasn't horrible all the time, or that his father was a real asshole. Billy Hargrove was a bully and he attacked your boys. Your thought process, proper of an older sister who loved her little brother as the center of her world, wouldn't care to consider anything else.

- Steve saved the kids not only from Billy, but also from a bunch of interdimensional monsters. Baby Demogorgons? Was that what those were? Whatever that crap that killed your cat and destroyed your storm cellar was, he handled the situation like a damn hero. Yet, no one else should hear the stories of his brave charges into battle because no one would believe any of you.

- Occasionally, you would get to hear some jokes about his fallen from grace in the popularity Olympus coming from your new group of nerd friends. Those pissed you off, but there was nothing you could tell them in order to explain why. You suddenly didn’t share anymore with them the common sense idea of considering him a prick of the same size as Billy, but you had only scratches of a confessable reason for that change. Whenever they would be joking about him, you simply refused to engage in their conversation. They didn’t seem to mind, too lost in their own laughter to see that you weren’t following it.

- Everyone else but Eddie, who was for some reason more attentive to your reactions.

“ Do you feel sorry for that jackass? He ain’t worthy, sweetheart. Harrington got what he deserved.” He said to you once, as if he was comforting you out of a naive idea. In the same action he wrapped an arm around you, overdramatically emphasizing the comfort aspect.

“ Perhaps… but it makes no sense making fun of him now that he is done. A real court jester has the balls to mock the current king, not just the predecessor.” You began to explain the most neutral sounding defense that you could come up with as Eddie’s attention was following your every word. “ Hargrove is a violent dick, we should be more worried about him. He is way worse than just a popular airhead stealing from our culture because it looks badass. As a bully, he is a brutal beast … my brother and his group of friends have been his targets. They are middle school kids, guys, children. He picked on them because they were seeing his step sister who is their classmate and he only stopped because Harrington intervened. “

Since you couldn’t tell anything about the beasts, you were giving Steve the full credit for the containment of the bullying situation.

“ You may not believe it, but he went full Boromir to save my hobbits... If it wouldn’t have been for him, if he wouldn’t have been there to protect them.” You stopped for a second, realizing that you were getting a bit emotional because you knew that the danger they truly faced was far worse than just Billy. To your audience, it was perceived as a bit of admiration for his acts. “ He took the punches for them. At least for that, Steve deserves my respect and I am giving him the benefit of the doubt.”

- Most of them remained silent, probably in disbelief with your words. Eddie spoke first and you were expecting he would make some harmless joke about missing the shitshow of jock on jock violence as if it was a fight of gladiators meant for entertainment. Instead, he got oddly defensive while remaining in his usual snarkiness.

“ Steve? He has first name privileges now? Do you honestly think that one good action is enough to redeem him from everything he has done? BUM, MAGIC, NOW HE IS A HERO!”

He got laughs from some of the others, sarcastic affirmations in favor of his stance, and proceeded to hug you tighter.

“ Sweet, innocent lass. Those shitheads never change.” Eddie concluded for you in a mix of modern and fantasy-esque speech to later kiss your forehead. “ Worry not, I shall protect you from that adorable optimism.”

- Suddenly, he was all about being close to you, energetically annoying whoever had the bad luck of being in the way, just to make himself noticed.

- Like in that time you were talking with Nancy and he scared the crap out of her by popping up from behind her just to make a creepy jumpscare that he knew would make you laugh.

- “ I’M YOUR BOYFRIEND NOW, NANCY!! “ He exclaimed in a deep, distorsionated voice that worked perfectly for both of his motives.

“ Sorry, Nance.” You apologized while failing to control your chuckles. “ It’s a legit quote from my newest favorite horror film.”

“ Don’t worry, I am not going to kill you.” Eddie said softly to her, his own gentle way of apologizing before heading his attention back at you. “ Did I get it right?”

While he was waiting for your reply his expression was of pure excitement and he looked so adorable.

“ You sound awesome as Freddy Krueger. “ Was your praiseful answer.” List him as a new character for your impersonations.”

- Interactions like that one kept happening pretty much around anyone and you thought that it was part of his way of protecting you as he said he would. Maybe he was worried because of your very personal problems with Hargrove and wanted to be around you all the time just to make sure you will be safe.

- Part of that assumption was correct, but because he didn’t like the idea of letting Steve Harrington be your only defense against your brother’s bully in case you needed one. Not only because he didn't believe in his change, but also due to how much he hated to hear you, his biggest fan, expressing admiration towards that douchebag. Comparing him to Boromir of Gondor was way too much, you sounded like his thankful damsel.

- The truth was that, even when he wouldn’t admit it, Eddie was jealous to the core. Not that an asshole like Harrington would see all the good in you and actively seek to date you, but just the idea of you developing a crush on him was unacceptable.

- It was a matter of time until he would see you with him, chatting at some corner of the school. In whatever you two were talking about, he was able to see that he was making you laugh. The cute, happy chuckles that he loved right from the very first time he caused those on you were being directed towards that basketball player. He knew he had no reason to interfere, you weren’t dating and it wasn’t his call. Yet, he couldn’t help himself.

- “ Look at who we have here! ” Eddie interrupted the conversation. “ Steve ‘ The Repentant’, the savior of children, the fear of bullies… Well, at least after years of being one himself.”

You weren't entirely surprised by his attitude, but you didn't want him to make Steve feel bad.

" Hi, Eds! Is everything alright?"

" I am wondering the exact same fucking thing ríght now. " He mocked you while subtly placing his arms around you once more. " Isn't this douchebag allergic to our kind or something?"

In his confusion, Steve still managed to reply.

" I am friends with her brother. "

Even when you understood the reason why avoiding introducing himself as your friend, you didn't want him to hide himself in a role reversal game making you be the one who was supposed to be ashamed of his friendship.

" Steve is a friend of the family. " You informed, showing pride on that claim before proceeding to explain the context for him. " I have told the guys about the real reasons for your fight with Hargrove, but they refuse to believe me... What you did for Lucas and Dustin was worthy of being told. "

With that last sentence, you were letting him know that you spoke only of the part about him defending them from the human menace of Max's stepbrother. However, your unaware interlocutor saw it as some sort of praiseful take and he showed to be very annoyed by it.

" I have the ríght to remain skeptical" Eddie followed you, in an opposite direction. "My friend over here seems very impressed by that little feat she attributes to you, but i know there are no heroes among orcs. When there is no one else to destroy, they simply attack each other. "

Steve looked at you as if he was asking for a translation.

" He thinks that you fought Billy only because you two were measuring dicks." You began to indulge his ask. " In Lord of the Rings, Orcs are a race of assholes that represent one of the most constant dangers in Middle Earth, but often fight each other for the dumbest reasons. The chain of command is just one of those, but they can start to fight each other for literally anything and that tends to help the protagonists escape from them when it is necessary. "

" Let me get it ríght. " He stopped you in order to share his own concluded interpretation and his clueless excitement while thinking he understood the comparison correctly got you a bit soft for him. " You have been saying to your friends that I am some sort of nerd protector hero, like one of the characters in that board game you all love so much."

Eddie rolled his eyes in absolute annoyance while listening : the dumbass was talking of Dungeons and Dragons.

"... But they think I am a fraud, unworthy of your trust, because they assume the kids just escaped while Hargrove and I got distracted by tearing each other apart like macho dickheads."

" Bingo!" Eddie cheered him, sarcastically. " What took you so long?"

You did your best to comfort Steve in the sweetest way you found.

" He may think that you are an orc, but to me you are like a captive elve. You escaped Mordor before becoming one of them and I am so proud of you. "

He had no idea of what you meant with that, but he got a bit of a blushy smile because he was almost sure that you were complimenting him in your own language.

" For Eru's sake! '' Eddie complained, at the peak of his annoyance. " If you could understand how sweet that was, you would get why you don't deserve it. "

- You weren't completely sure of what went wrong, but you hated to see him angry at you.

- Was it anger or disappointment? Why did it upset him so much that you were friends with the dude who saved your brother? Eddie wasn't a judgemental person. If there was one highschool nerd you imagined showing understandment towards Steve, it was him, so... What was his problem?

- Even if you didn't or couldn't understand what was happening with him you still wanted to cheer him up. Maybe through a sweet, selfless gesture showing your appreciation for him. If you could find a way to do it, you would even try to invent an excuse to get him a while of attention from the girl you thought he was crushing on.

- The next time Jason called Eddie a freak, you took the initiative leading the offensive of mocks against his insults.

- It actually leaded you into being very loud in your first outspoken, freakish monologue.

- " You, Jason, are the conservative dream crushing everyone else beneath. You like to go around this place like it is your hunting ground, punishing people for behaving in ways you dislike ... and let's not forget how freaking dull and constricted you are. Let people have fun, Vorhees!!!"

- You murdered him with words and a choir of ' Ki-Ki-Ki Ma-Ma-Ma' whispers coming from your very amused friends closed the deal. Eddie was smiling again and that was all you cared about.

- He was amazed by what you did because he knew better than anyone else there how hard it once was for you to come out of your shell, such a brave move was more meaningful coming from you. Among all his friends, you were the one who spoke up to scream some truths at Jason and you did it with such brilliance. A Jason Vorhees joke was hard to make without it sounding like an easy punchline and your punk phrasing not only avoided that, it made it sound like a rebellious satire.

- Eddie was so excited, surprised and generally overwhelmed by the awesomeness of what he witnessed that he only managed to react in one way. In some spontaneous explosion of happiness, he grabbed your cheeks with his hands and placed his lips over yours in a strong peck.

- You didn’t see it coming and your shock became greater than his. He didn’t explain himself afterwards and your face was on fire. Avoiding self combust out of shame was your priority, but you were so happy and confused. Your more imminent thought was wondering what the hell was that. Then, you realized something else.

- That was your first kiss. Through that weird accident, nothing like you would have imagined it before, Eddie kissed you in full unawareness of being the first guy to skim your lips. A part of you was going through a light panic that you stoically dissimulated and it took you a long while to ever bring up the topic again.

- It reemerged during a moment you both were spending alone in his trailer. It was a chill while listening to music as you were rambling to him about your next idea for a horror tale. It was going to be about a fictionalized parody of a glam metal band inspired by Motley Crue’s “ Shout at the Devil” controversy. The dudes in your story intended to follow that route so they could get free publicity scaring religious conservatives with the use of creepy looking symbology. For so, they would pick some random symbol they don’t actually understand and their ignorance would lead them to ruin when the collective energy in their shows, acting as a good replacement for worship, would end up awakening a real supernatural threat. The monster would later possess the singer, a Vince Neil parody that you heavily inspired on Billy Hargrove, to start a classical slasher rampage with a bit of Evil Dead style on the hotel where the band was staying. In a deliciously ironic trope subversion, it would be stopped by a groupie in the role of final girl.

- Eddie loved the concept because of how creepy yet hilariously crazy it was. The whole thing felt like something Sam Raimi could be directing, but there were also some cathartical aspects that you put into it. It was clear that you were using fiction as an outlet for your anger over that bully because you were such an overprotective older sister. Your stories were rarely inserted in the parodic subgenre and this one felt a bit like your joke of political satire of Jason as the homonymous Friday 13th villain.

- After reminding you of how much he enjoyed that one, you got into a bit of talking about it and you ended up explaining at least one of the many reasons why you were so ashamed when he kissed you.

- He was in authentic disbelief. It made sense, but it also didn’t. He never stopped to consider it.

- “ Really? Never ever before?” Eddie asked you, in sweet complicity. He was thinking of something else, over the lines of ‘ But you are so cute… How is that even possible? ‘

You nodded negatively with a playful expression intended to dissimulate your embarrassment.

“ Not even with Johnny when getting high on my weed? What kind of friend is he?” He joked, trying to help you feel less uncomfortable with the confession. “ … Not even with that douchebag basketball player?”

That last question sounded a little bit more like a tease. but he was trying to hide that it came from a genuine, jealousy based, interest in knowing if Steve ever got that close with you.

Your answer was negative again and part of him felt relieved.

“ Don’t worry, sweetheart. There is nothing to be ashamed of, it’s not your fault that the dudes close to you have been so rude. “

He made you laugh with that pretty odd claim and seeing that made him smile while staring at your face.

“ That wasn’t even a proper first kiss,I barely touched you. If you are counting that one, I have very bad news for you: you still haven’t been kissed.“ He pointed out, slightly doubtful because he didn’t want to make you feel more uncomfortable with what he was about to propose. “ … If you are up to it, I can give you a real one. “

- The expression in your face was talking for you, but you had to force yourself into giving a clear answer and he waited for it before crashing his lips against yours again. “ Walk All Over You '' by AC/DC was casually sounding in the background as he was giving you a mind blowing kiss, caresses of all sorts included. With anyone else it wouldn’t feel as romantic as you felt it with him. Perhaps because he wanted to compensate you, he was making you feel romanced through the whole experience. Even if you didn’t know if he meant it to feel that way, you sensed it like his own definition of romance.

- “ Do you want more?” He teased you afterwards, noticing your blissful state. “ We can have as many as you want. I really don’t mind, I am a freak.”

That was, in fact, his way of hiding that he couldn’t get enough of it.

- You still wouldn't allow yourself high hopes after that. Eddie stated that he just wanted to help a friend into a nice first experience, the jokes he made about Johnnatan and Steve implied that. Not like that would stop you from revisiting the moment in your mind and daydreaming about it, but you got that more in control than what you expected. Your friendship seemed to have survived that romantical experiment unharmed.

- He even stopped freaking out about your friendship with Steve. Of course, you had no idea that it happened because he got the jealousy in control. Despite how adorable you were in your interactions with him, Harrington wasn't as close to you as he feared he could become.

- However, Eddie didn't know that Steve counted with the unconditional support of a certain wannabe matchmaker child. You never got into telling him about the very special topic of the hero worshiping your brother would usually make of his older friend.

- Dustin was ready to try anything to make it happen. Sometimes he was very obvious, like whenever he would make you sit next to each other for movie nights to later put the longest film he could pick and wait to see who would end up resting their head in the other's shoulder.

- That was how Steve was exposed to the Star Wars franchise and he happily freaked out little bit on that one time you were very tired and ended up being the one doing it.

- On family dinners with your mother, Dustin would always help him look as the nicest, best behaved boy in order to instalate the idea of making her wish Steve would be your boyfriend.

- " That is your brand. You are Jon Bon Jovi: highschool girls want to date you and their mothers don't wait until that happens to start calling you their son." He secretly explained the strategy to his friend the very first time he made him put it in practice. " Your better established competition is Eddie Van Halen. He is a freaking god playing guitar who manages to captivate hard rock, metal and pop audiences because he is talented as fuck and looks awesome in posters. Do you know why he hasn't defeated you yet? Because you know your brand better than anyone else in the market and that is making you climb to the top very fast with just one studio album in your discography."

" I don't understand you, Henderson! Can you please go slow... and maybe avoid confusing me even more?"

" Be the sweetest, most charming young man to my mom. Make her wish you would be joining us for dinner as my sister's boyfriend."

- As the school year was reaching its end Steve began to worry more about prom that of the upcoming exams. Not a weird attitude for someone who still didn’t got rid completely of the popularity mindset, but you would try to remind him of keeping his priorities in order.

- Dustin followed you on that most times, but he was also busy on his own plan trying to convince him of taking you as his date to prom. Steve was reluctant about the idea, giving a new set of excuses every time he would be asked about it.

- “ She is great, that is not in question… but she just joined the freaks’ club!” Was the last, desperate, excuse on the long list. “ That is social suicide, is worst than being in band. I would love to, but I can't show up there with your sister. “

“ Bullshit, you are just scared of rejectment.” Dustin straightfoldy replicated against it. “ What are you waiting for? It is a flawless plan: you ask it as a friend who is about to graduate and has no one else to take, then give her the most romantical night of her life. It is the premise of Carrie, but turned upside down. She is going to love it.”

- The kid was right in at least one thing: Steve was terrified of asking that to you because he was about 75% sure you were going to say no. The concept of prom as a popularity shitfest wouldn’t help to convince you, but he was scared of facing rejectment at a personal level. Not just because you hated the concept of the date, but because you wouldn’t want to date him.

- His conjectures could be wrong because most of your friends were weirdos, but there was something about your so-called friendship with Munson that you either didn’t realize or were hiding on purpose. The dude was into you, there was no other explanation for some of his attitudes. Plus, you seemed to be very close with him and he was pretty much into the very same shit you were. The chances were there, even when there was no direct confirmation of it. Asking his ex’s former boyfriend for advice and information was too awkward to be taken in consideration, so all Steve had about it was you as source. He wasn’t as convinced as you were of your theory about Chrissy, but that wasn’t the main aspect that gave him a bit of hope through your conversation about it.

- “ Steve, she is absolutely adorable. If you were a girl, you would be just like her. There is no way I am wrong, I know what I saw and it makes sense. It wouldn’t be the first time that one of my freaky counterparts crushes on the cute girlfriend of some jock he hates. No offense but, what happened between you and Johnny is the dream of many… Why wouldn’t it be Eddie’s too?”

“ Do you outcast girls never dream of dating the cute girl’s boyfriend?” He asked in reply, following your own terminology without daring to point out how you indirectly described him as adorable. “ It seems like a thing that can go both ways.”

“ I would prefer to drown in Crystal Lake before going on a date with that poor girl’s boyfriend.” You joked before providing a more compelling answer. “ That being said, it can be a fantasy for freak girls to … just not as recurrent because, in my humble opinion, when you are a girl you have to get a certain suspension of disbelief to get into it. The ‘ loser gets the popular love interest’ concept may be everywhere in some stuff we consume, like comic books, but that doesn’t go both ways. It’s only for the boys, we are not used to being spoon feeded that fantasy.. Do you know what is the closest thing to that we have? ‘Carrie’.. a bloody nightmare of shame and revenge that begins out of pity. “

- The likeness in which yours and your brother’s mind would think was somehow amazing and a bit scary to notice, precisely given the exactitude it was capable of reaching. His doubts didn’t vanish completely after hearing you reference the very same thing Dustin did, but he began to think that it could be a good idea. Besides, your way of presenting the situation made him think that you were more in the pole of unawareness and not hiding a secret relationship with the nerd club leader.

- Steve began to think that maybe, despite how different you two were, you could crush on a guy like him if you would allow yourself to think of it as a possibility. For as much as you denied it in speech, claiming that it wasn’t for you even in fantasy, evidence presented by your brother showed that you had a bit of a secret fangirl thing for the less threatening looking heartthrob among rockstars.

- Taking a risk and asking you to accompany him was worth trying, but the challenge was finding a proper opportunity to do it. It had to be at school, so it wouldn’t feel monitored by your little brother, but it didn’t have to happen near your friends because Munson could surely ruin it.For so, he simply chose to wait until the topic would reappear again between you.

- It’s not like you haven’t asked him before about his obsession with prom. You did, even at that time right after he was trying to get information about Eddie out of you to speculate in your availability. It was a bit of a naive comeback that you threw, in unawareness, following your horror reference like a punchline. You used to think that it was about Nancy, since it was pretty much possible that he would have priorly imagined himself there with her back when they were together. For what you have heard of him saying, he practically had a full fantasy developed of how prom night with his girlfriend was going to be.

- It was beautiful, you couldn’t help rooting for him and you would have lied if you would have denied to feel a bit of wishfulness while listening. Even from outside of the relationship he still sounded like the sweetest boyfriend and everything that was coming out of him sounded so dreamy. It may be overly romantic and a bit of a teen rom com dream but, deep down… who wouldn’t want that? Just listening to it was making you smile. His heartbreak was also relatable to you, even if that one at least came from an actual relationship.

- When this sweet dork finally asked you to be his date for his prom night party, your immediate guess was thinking that he needed an understanding friend that would be aware of the hurtful aspects and wouldn’t question it. An emotional support company, not an actual prom date that could criticize him for thinking of his ex while slow dancing.

- “ I know that you hate this sort of stuff, but it would be very important if you could come with me.”

Steve was way too nervous and you couldn’t understand why, so you rushed to give an emphatic affirmative response.

“ Of course, silly! You don’t have to deal with that alone, us losers have community spirit. “

He was listening to you with such a happy expression.

“ REALLY??” He asked again, a dorkish yell full of excitement. “ That would be so amazing. I promise that you will not regret it, I will do my best so you can have a good time.”

“ Steve, is alright.” You calmly cutted him off. “ We always do shit I like to do, you end up being indirectly forced to stand whatever nerdy crap Dustin and I are into at any given moment. For once, we can do something that is more you and there is nothing wrong with that, even if it’s just between you and me.”

He hugged you tightly, an outlet for his happy cheer, and you found yourself caught by the sweetness of the moment.

- You had no idea of how you were going to explain to the guys of Hellfire, before they could eventually find out from external sources, that you were the prom date of Steve Harrington with all the implications in that sentence.

#stranger things #stranger things imagine #stranger things fanfiction #eddie munson #steve harrington #eddie munson x reader #steve harrington x reader #joseph quinn #joe keery #stranger things headcanons #henderson!reader #eddie munson x henderson!reader #steve harrington x henderson!reader

438 notes · View notes

ramp-it-up · 2 years ago

Text

Playlist: Chill, Buck

Summary: Bucky, who runs CapTech, ran into you. Now he can’t stop thinking about you even though you rejected him. Can you stop him from running through your mind?

Pairing: CEO! Bucky Barnes x Journalist! Reader

Word count: 2.8k

Warnings: As always, 18+ ONLY, SMUT. Minors DNI. Slow burn, running for pleasure, playlists meet cute, pining, possible fixation, possible manipulation, mention of death, mention of loss, concerned Steve and Sam, possible dark Bucky. The boomerang, masturbation, use of sex toy, fantasy, Dom/sub dynamics of you squint, wishing and hoping.

A/N: I’ve been sad and haven’t written in a couple of week, but, turns out I am a serial serialist, lmao.🤣 Read the previous part, Bucky Runs. @ysmmsy and @blackwidownat2814 are my exquisite muses who created the Bucky Runs and Chill, Buck playlists, with more to come. 😉 Thank you Gemma for the title for this one. Thanks you both, my loves! 🥰

The playlist is Real and is linked here!

I no longer have a taglist. Please follow @rampitupandread and turn on notifications to learn when I post! 😘

I Do NOT Consent to my work being reposted, translated or presented on any other blog or site other than by myself.

Running with a good playlist did make all the difference. Music was the reason that your feet seemed to be flying as you jogged that evening.

Certainly not thoughts of Bucky Barnes.

That situation just wasn’t meant to be.

Since you turned down his request for a date that afternoon, you decided to shake yourself out of any silly dreams of anything happening with him. After all, you had a professional relationship, an acquaintance, really, and nothing more.

Your attraction to him meant nothing.

And him asking you out meant nothing either. He was probably just trying to have a good time and never call again. Goodness knows that he probably had his pick of women, and NDAs, on hand.

Then there was his past to consider.

No, turning down dinner with him was the right choice and so was moving on. You weren’t even going to text him about the playlist like you promised. Better to contact Romanoff about the interview and keep it moving.

You were still convincing yourself that curving Bucky was the right choice when you turned into Fulton Ferry Park and thought you saw a mirage. There he was, jogging toward you, conjured up by your internal debate.

He looked good. Tanned and sweaty, mouth slightly open, eyes on you, thighs out. Your eyes scanned down his body and your own actually clenched while running.

The audacity.

You shook your head. Did he really think that this was going to work? You prepared the let down speech in your head for when he would invariably stop to talk. No matter how fine he was, he wasn’t going to stalk you into a date.

Bucky approached and appraised your body. You were wearing running gear that supported you, but the way the impact of your steps made your body move made him lick his lips.

Bucky was imagining the possibilities.

He came near with a slight smile. You kept on pace to meet him, but he didn’t slow down as you expected him to. He just moved to the side and tossed two fingers at you in a half wave.

“Hey,” was all Bucky uttered as he ran past you.

You were in shock that he didn’t stop and reflexively almost turned around to run after him and the waft of sweat, musk, and sandalwood that he left behind.

You nearly ran into an older man walking his dog as you craned your neck to watch Bucky’s retreating back.

You were shook.

Bucky went from asking you out to virtually ignoring you.

You definitely felt some kind of way about it, but the anger you felt propelled your feet, and you finished with your best time to date.

You stormed into your apartment and flopped down at your desk.

“What just happened?,” you asked your closed laptop.

But your ire calmed as you edited the interview and remembered how charming and genuine he’d been

“Off the record? Please?”

Bucky’s vulnerability made you soft again. In all the right places.

When you finished, you sat back and reviewed the day in your head. Surely, you weren’t tripping. There had been a connection between you two. Right?

Bucky had you so confused up from a 10 second encounter in the park where he barely said one word to you. It had to be calculated.

You were right not to go to dinner with him.

Nevertheless, you turned on the volume on your phone to make sure you didn’t miss another text from…anyone.

That evening, after you wrote some copy and did voice overs, wrapping up the interview package, you took to the bath. You thought of Bucky again, this time cuming more intensely because you’d actually talked to him, knew his name and bore the sexual frustration he’d birthed in you. However, you couldn’t get satisfaction from your toy tonight.

What was Bucky Barnes doing to you?

It was all you thought about as you fell asleep that night.

Bucky closed his eyes as he pushed his cock into the tight hole. You were ready and waiting for him, spread out gloriously beneath him. His plan had worked and you’d called him at 3 am, all hot and bothered. He rushed to your place and practically jumped into your waiting pussy.

“Fuck! Y/N…,” Bucky groaned as he immediately started stroking away.

“After you cum inside me, I’m gonna clean you up real good. Gonna make your cock mine, baby.”

Your blissed out voice was everything he’d imagined, and the look of your beautiful wet lips as you licked him caused his cock to twitch even though it was occupied.

Bucky couldn’t hold himself back and he released, spurting out enough cum to make it drip out around his balls.

“Clean these up too, Doll,”

Bucky groaned as he gripped his sac as it emptied. He winced as he pulled out of the sex toy and sat down on the side of the tub.

What a poor substitute for you, he thought as he cleaned up.

Bucky stepped into the shower, hot water raining down on his head as he thought of his next move.

He’d have to remind Natasha to speed up the relocation of the tenants on Plymouth Avenue. He needed next to you, and fast.

Next week when Steve returned, he stalked into the office he shared with Bucky and Sam after Nat briefed him on the situation.

“Hello, Punk.”

Bucky’s salutation slowed him down.

Bucky hadn’t looked up from his laptop, and his EarPods were turned up full blast, but he knew Steve was there. He turned down his music.

Rogers smiled despite himself. The childhood greeting from Bucky was now a rare occasion. The rare occasion that Bucky was in a good mood.

“Jerk.”

Steve laughed at his best friend.

“What the hell are you up to?”

He finally looked up from his work and took off his glasses, leaning back in his chair and smirking. He looked almost like the old Bucky.

“Making you millions of dollars. What are you up to, Pretty Boy?”

He sounded like the old Bucky. Steve sat on the edge of Bucky’s desk.

“This girl must be pretty special to put you in this kind of mood, but Nat told me what you’ve been doing. Buck…”

Bucky straightened up and narrowed his eyes at Steve.

“If you’re referring to YN LN, then that woman is special.”

Bucky looked out over the New York skyline toward the Brooklyn Bridge and DUMBO, where you were.

“Is it okay if I have a life again?”

Steve looked into his friends eyes and sighed. His voice was low, even though he thought he and Bucky were alone.

“I want nothing more for you, Buck, but not like this. Ever since Sarah…”

“The fuck are you two bone heads talking about?”

Sam’s voice boomed across the space. Bucky stood up, fidgeting. Sarah had been Sam’s sister and his wife. Now was not the time.

“Hey Sam! Feeling better?”

Steve was nothing but smiles for his other best friend, the consummate golden boy.

“I was, until Nat briefed me on what was up.”

Sam turned to Bucky.

“You good, Jay?”

Bucky closed his eyes at the name that only Sarah called him. His former brother in law was doing it on purpose. Nat had a big mouth.

“We need to fire the redhead.”

Steve snorted.

“Natasha Romanoff owns all of us. She knows where all the bodies are buried.”

“Literally,” quipped Sam.

Bucky remained silent and stared at the approximate location of your apartment. He didn’t want to think about dead bodies, just a future with you.

“Listen, Buck. It’s about time you moved on…”

Bucky closed his eyes at the crack in Sam’s voice. He knew he missed her too.

“But—“

Bucky turned around.

“But what Samuel?”

Sam snapped his mouth closed. Sarah had been the only one to call him that.

“Just…”

Sam looked out of the window himself. Then he looked back at his friend.

Bucky turned on a smile and pointed it at his two worried friends.

“I’m just doing a little recon. You two know better than anyone the types of women who show up in our lives. Just want to make sure…”

Steve sighed.

“We get it. But like Sam said. Just…”

Sam spoke up again.

“Chill, Buck.”

Bucky smiled brighter for them and spread his hands.

“I’m chillin…”

“Unh hunh. Like a villain.”

Sam shook his head and chuckled as Steve took off his suit coat and went to review the files on his desk.

Bucky raised his eyebrow at Sam as he sat back down and turned his music up again.

You didn’t see or hear from Bucky for about two weeks, even after you called Natasha and told her of the publication date for the piece. And you weren’t disappointed.

Not at all.

In the back of your mind you thought that after the interview aired, Bucky would ask you out again, which of course you would refuse. (Even though it might not be inappropriate because the business between you was over.)

But he didn’t. Maybe you were right about him.

You decided to just move on with your life, although a certain pair of sky blue eyes haunted your fantasies and dreams for about ten days.

One morning you were in your neighborhood coffee shop, deep into your phone when you stepped up to order. For some reason you felt the hair on the back of your neck raise as you stepped to the side to wait for your drink.

You bumped into the person next to you and turned your head to apologize. You couldn’t help but gasp.

The unmitigated gall.

You closed your mouth without saying a word and stared in front of you as you shook your head.

“We’ve got to stop meeting like this.”

His velvet voice near your ear was kinda dope. But you weren’t going out like this. You took a deep breath and then turned back to Bucky.

“Yes. I fully agree. We’ve got to stop meeting.”

Bucky’s expression was a little hurt and you could have kicked yourself. You sighed.

“I’m sorry. How are you?”

He smiled sweetly at you, thrilled that you were reacting as he’d hoped.

“I’m better now.”

You were blinded by his smile, but recovered and checked him out. Damn, he looked good. The blue of his dress shirt matched his eyes. Those fucking glasses. Looking like a NILF. Bucky was attractive as hell.

“James!”

The barista called Bucky’s name and he stepped up for his coffee. That gave you a moment to think.

He turned around and you had questions.

“What are you doing here?”

He looked confused.

“Getting… a macchiato?”

He held up his drink and pushed his glasses up with his thick middle finger. You bit your lip. Bucky wanted to bite it too.

Patience.

“Yeah. But why in my neighborhood? Are you stalking me? After virtually ignoring me the other day?”

The smile on Bucky’s face fell.

“Y/N!”

You stepped to the counter to get your iced chai tea latte. Bucky was still there behind you, admiring the view. You turned back to him and he fixed his face and gracefully backed up as you walked toward the door.

“I’m sorry, but you made it quite clear that you didn’t want anything more from me when you didn’t contact me about the interview or even the playlist. I’m chilling, as the young folks say. I’m not stalking you. Or ignoring you. I’m just trying to live my life. I’ve recently moved into my new brownstone over on Plymouth street.”

He gestured with his hand in the general direction of his new home. You stopped walking and pulled your eyes away from his thick fingers to his face. He looked annoyed.

That did things to you.

Bucky was still amiable with you, but with an edge. You sensed a delicious danger, but you couldn’t stop. You shook your head to clear it and crossed your arms to hide your rock hard nipples.

“That’s only a couple of blocks from me. I don’t believe that’s not pre-planned.”

Bucky moved closer to you, his voice lowered and a little menacing, a magnetic field activated by his proximity. You wanted to drop to your knees. But you just took a sip of your drink and swallowed that instead.

Bucky was aware of his affect on you, so he turned it up as he leaned closer. Damn, you made him hard as fuck.

“Do you know how long it takes to find and close on a property in New York? 30 days at a minimum, just for closing. This was in the works long before you showed up in my office, Ms. YLN.”

You were shaking, but not from fear. Bucky took in your trembling lips and wide eyes and wanted to take you right there. He licked that bottom lip of his and you had visions of what that mouth did. Bucky nodded his head.

“Oh. I get it. You want me to pursue you so that you can reject me again.”

Bucky read you like a book.

“You don’t need to worry. I won’t contact you again.”

He raised his drink toward his mouth but stopped, trapping your eyes there. You were almost panting. And definitely wet.

“Unless you ask me to.”

You wanted to cry with need, but you laughed instead.

“I thought you said you were chilling, Mr. Barnes. I won’t ask you. For anything. Trust.”

He was smirking at you as your eyes flashed at him. He read the scene in your eyes. In that moment, he knew what you needed. The way you said ‘Mr. Barnes,’ with that breathy, moany voice. Hell yeah.

You read his eyes too and knew exactly what he was thinking. But you’d be damned if you begged Bucky Barnes.

At the same time, it became Bucky’s life mission. He wanted to hear you beg for him to fuck you, to eat you out, to make you cum, to stop making you cum… Damn. He cleared his throat.

“Duly noted.”

Bucky allowed his eyes to rake down your form as he took a sip of his drink. He did not miss your nipples which were pointed right at him and the way your thighs were clenched together in your form fitting pants. He licked the foam from his lips to remind you that if you wanted to smother him in you, he’d make good use of the opportunity.

Your eyes widened and your lips parted. Partly in rage, partly in desire, and partly in surprise at his game. This was a different Bucky than two weeks ago. You didn’t know if you could say no if he asked you out again.

But he didn’t ask you out again.

“Have a nice day, Ms. YLN.”

“Have a nice life, Mr. Barnes.”

Your tone was clipped as you turned on your heel and walked out of the cafe, murder and desire in your veins and a sway in your hips. You were vindicated when you looked over your shoulder and saw him watching it.

God he made you angry. Everything on your body was hard because of him, your nipples, your clit, and your heart. But he was not going to win this little game he was playing.

You were frustrated and irritable all day as you were trying to write, and had to postpone an interview because you were not in the right headspace.

Fucking James Buchanan Barnes. He was a menace.

You stared at the thumbnail to your interview with him and decided something.

You filed the post, and then went to your phone and went to his contact to delete it. Then you went to his socials, to block him there as well, even though he hadn’t tweeted or posted himself in years. You closed out twitter and then went to IG, noticing a new post. It had over 100K views in just an hour.

It was a video of Bucky running, and then stopping and stretching.

“New series of posts. My run playlists.I haven’t gotten much positive feedback from who they were intended, so why not make them public?”

His little rueful smile did things to you. He was so fucking cute, all sweaty and glistening in his muscle shirt and shorts.

“In this first post, you get a twofer. My first playlist is called, Bucky Runs. I think it’s good if you want to keep your pace up.”

You bit your lip as he continued, squinting into the camera against the setting sun in his eyes. So damn fine.

“This second one is brand new, today. It’s called, Chill, Buck. And I made it to remind myself to….”

Bucky looked off to the right of the camera.

“To remind myself to cool down after I run.”

He looked like a lost little boy and your heart clenched. You felt like a jerk.

“Hope you enjoy. ‘Night.”

Bucky smiled and the post ended. You chewed your lip as you clicked on the latest playlist.

Feedback is like air. I need it! 🥰

#Bucky Barnes #bucky barnes x reader smut #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x black reader #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes x black journalist reader #The Playlist séries #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes smut #Sebastian Stan #sebastian stan fan fiction #ceo!bucky barnes #ceo!bucky #ceo! bucky x journalist! reader

613 notes · View notes