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whereianonymouslypostfics · 10 months ago

Text

Negotiations

Pairing: Wanda Maximoff x reader

Word count: ~4k

Summary: You sneak out one night

A/N: Sorry y'all, I'm in an angsty mood

Warnings: Angst, relationship troubles (distrust and such), sneaky behavior.

You’re trying to ignore how sweaty your palms are, and you quickly reach for your drink to try and hide it. The condensation from the glass of course makes it worse and you hold back the urge to curse as you check your phone for the time.

It’s 8:15pm.

Usually at this time of night you would be at home with your wife and dog finishing up dinner, or more likely sitting on the couch in the living room. After dinner you walked the dog before settling beside your wife to cuddle while watching something mindless on TV. If Wanda got her way, it would be a sitcom with a laugh track that you hear in your sleep sometimes, but if you’re lucky, you’d start to doze off to a nature documentary before Wanda drags you upstairs.

You would much rather be at home with her, but you had something you needed to take care of first.

You are only a few seconds away from checking the time again when you feel a cold hand on your upper arm, and you have to stop yourself from bristling from the touch.

“Y/n Y/l/n. I didn’t think you would show.”

As you turn to greet the woman who’s been on your mind and the bane of your existence for weeks, you fight the urge to grimace. It had been a mistake to get involved with her, and you knew it from the very beginning, but you were desperate. One of your character flaws was that you were damn stubborn, and when you wanted something badly enough you couldn’t help but go for it.

You try to offer a sincere smile, but you’re tense and she can tell as she sits down on the barstool beside you and reaches out for your drink. You don’t mind that she’s finishing it because you don’t even want it, but you don’t like the message that it sends. You’re trying to be as incognito as possible with this arrangement. You waited to meet until a night that you knew Wanda would be working late, and then you’d left the house under the guise of going grocery shopping. You then ditched Bucky by sneaking out the back of the store and walking three blocks to this hotel bar where you’d agreed to meet.

You hated lying, but there really was no way around it. If anyone found out what you were up to, you’d be in deep shit and you didn’t want to deal with that. You couldn’t explain why you were being so needlessly reckless except for maybe to blame your determination.

This had to work.

You only take a moment to glance at the blonde’s outfit before you sit up a little straighter and offer an only slightly forced smile.

“Rosalie. Thank you for meeting with me. I’ve been looking forward to this all week.”

Wanda sighs in exhaustion as she arrives home to a dark house a little after 9pm. She stifles a yawn as she rolls into the garage only to do a double take when she sees that your car isn’t there. She quickly reaches for her phone to call you, but by the time she walks into the house you still haven’t answered. When Boone comes up to greet her, the call’s gone to voicemail and Wanda just hangs up with an annoyed huff. She scratches Boone for a second longer as she glances at the clock to confirm that it’s way too late for you to be out.

Bucky responds almost immediately and Wanda’s hand stops mid-scratch as she reads his message.

She went to the grocery store near Glendale but she’s been in there for an hour. I’m going to check on her.

Wanda has no idea why you would drive so out of your way to go shopping so late at night. Admittedly sometimes you had weird cravings, but this was odd even for you. Despite often losing track of time in a grocery store, Wanda figures that at such a late hour you would be in and out for whatever you wanted.

She decides to wait until Bucky finds you to respond, and she heads toward the kitchen to find some leftovers to eat. She hopes to be able to claim to have eaten dinner by the time you get home so you won’t get upset with her. When she has late nights like these, sometimes she forgets to eat and she comes home without having eaten for over 14 hours.

She can barely focus on dinner as she tries to patiently wait for Bucky’s response. She can imagine him finding you wandering around aimlessly as you try to figure out what food you’re craving. She’s had to drag you from several grocery stores when you’ve done this for over 30 minutes, and she’s almost wishing that you’d waited so she could have done this tonight.

Twenty minutes later, Wanda’s only had a couple of bites to eat before her phone rings. She sees that its Bucky, and she doesn’t hesitate to answer it as she takes a deep breath. She’s sure he’d found you roaming the candy aisle.

“Hey Bucky.”

Bucky is near sweating as he speed-walks up and down the aisles of this too cold grocery store. He’s looked for you for nearly 20 minutes, and he’s run around the store like a lunatic to the point of worrying that someone is going to call the cops. He’s tried calling you only to have it go to voicemail, and he doesn’t know what else to do. He stops by the ice cream for a moment before pulling out his phone to call Wanda. He has a feeling that you aren’t here, but he’s not sure if he believes that you’ve been taken. There was no one suspicious here except him, and after speaking with a disinterested cashier, he figures nothing sketchy went down.

As he waits for Wanda to answer, he tries to figure out what the hell you were up to.

The smile you receive in return makes you wish you’d said anything else, but it’s too late to take it back now. You decide to ignore your discomfort and get right down to business because you’re sure this will take a while. Wining and dining someone takes tact and patience, neither of which you are in possession of tonight. After leading Rosalie from the bar to a secluded booth in the back, you wait for a waiter to take your next drink orders before taking a deep breath.

“I really do appreciate you being here, Rosalie. I’m not sure what I would do without your help.”

Although you know that you’re feeding her enormous ego, you have to kiss her ass to get her to agree to your proposition. You know that under normal circumstances you wouldn’t have been this successful in your campaign. That said, your chance meeting with this woman who was capable of making you so happy was something you couldn’t overlook or take for granted. You aren’t even sure that she knew who you were before flirting with you, but that was of no consequence to you. If anything, it helped your chances.

You’re reminded of this as the blonde not-so-subtly, looks you up and down while you wait for your appetizer. You take a deep breath behind your glass when she’s distracted, and you pray that this all works out.

When Rosalie offers you a near-predatory smile you realize that you’re going to have to take it up a notch.

“What can I say? You made a very appealing offer, Y/n.”

When Bucky had called to tell her that you weren’t in the grocery store, Wanda had been opening the app on her phone to track you before he could even ask. For safety reasons, you and Wanda had your locations turned on your phones. Wanda had insisted and despite arguing that you never went anywhere other than work, the store, or home without her, you acquiesced. You’d had nothing to hide and you did sometimes check and see where Wanda was occasionally, only to wonder what she was doing on late nights away from home.

Wanda’s frown deepened when she’d realized that your phone was turned off. The last place it had been on at was the store, and now Wanda was oscillating between pissed and worried.

What were you up to?

“Oh really? You must have the cutest pictures!”

You smile widely because you really do and you’re already reaching for your phone to find some when you remember why you’d switched it off.

While you and Rosalie ate dinner, conversation had luckily transitioned to your work and more specifically your patients. This was something you were comfortable talking about, and honestly you could go on and on about your adorable patients. That said, you hesitated long enough for Rosalie to notice, and her brow furrows slightly in question.

“What’s wrong? Do you have other photos on there that you don’t want me to see?”

You can’t help but blush, and you poorly conceal it with a cough as you shake your head and turn on your phone. You’ll make it quick before powering it down again. It will be fine.

You reach out for your fork to take another bite before you shake your head with small smile.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?”

After showing off the last few adorable patients you’ve seen, you steer the conversation back to the reason why you’d invited Rosalie to dinner in the first place. You try to push down your discomfort of asking for something from someone, but you think about the puppies before you meet Rosalie’s expectant gaze.

“So have you thought anymore about my proposition?”

After checking continuously for nearly half an hour, she jumps when your blue dot appears on the map. She watches it move not far from where it had been earlier before she calls Bucky back. He’s been searching nearby buildings while she waited impatiently, but now she was going to look for you because she was beyond angry.

“Bucky, I found her.”

Wanda pauses as she zooms in on the map for a precise location. When she sees where you are, her breath catches in her throat and she just stares for a few long seconds.

“Yeah? Where is she?”

Wanda still doesn’t answer right away. She’s trying to come up with a logical reason for you to be where you are. Anything but the worst-case scenario. Wanda clears her throat before shaking her head and speaking through clenched teeth.

“She’s at the hotel off of 5th. I’ll meet you there.”

You’re taking another bite of cheesecake, blissfully unaware of the storm that’s headed your way as you and Rosalie share a companionable silence.

She’d agreed to your terms and you were near giddy with excitement. That said, you were still aware enough to remember your manners, and you slide the plate toward the blonde with a teasing smile before setting your own fork down.

“Please. Eat the rest. I think you’ve more than earned it.”

Rosalie smiles and only tries to argue with you for a moment before she gives in. You could eat this slice and maybe three more, but you realize how late it’s getting, and you’re almost certain you’ll barely beat Wanda home. It’s nearing 11, but the fact that even Wanda’s early ‘late nights’ are rarely before 1am is enough to relax your nagging nerves.

It only takes a few more minutes for you two to wrap things up. You foot the bill because it’s the least you can do, and then you’re going your separate ways. You wait until Rosalie is out of sight before you near run to the exit. You don’t dare turn on your phone, but your watch is telling you that you need to hurry.

Wanda’s staring at the sky trying to calm herself down when you come running out the front doors of the hotel. She’s settled on the steps out front, sitting on one of the stone banisters as she tries to understand what she’s feeling.

She and Bucky had arrived and it had only taken a few minutes to spot you. When Wanda had seen you sharing dessert with a woman who was smiling at you adoringly, well she almost lost it. She stared at you for just long enough to convince herself that she wasn’t mistaken, before she stormed back outside and planted herself in this spot.

She had sent Bucky back to your car to make sure you didn’t sneak by her, but she figures it’s unnecessary. She mostly did it to be alone and shed a few tears without him watching. She had a feeling you’d walk right out the front door, and then she’d confront you. She just had to figure out what to say.

She almost misses you fly by her and her gaze snaps towards you with a vicious glare that’s wasted on you. She ignores the fact that you’re getting further away and she stays exactly where she is as she calls out to you.

“Hurrying home to someone?”

You think you’re hallucinating when you hear your wife’s voice when you’re halfway across the street. You stop in your tracks, stiffening in surprise before you dare to turn around to confirm your suspicions. You’ve never had any luck at keeping secrets from your wife, so you’re not sure why you thought this time would be different.

Despite being over 20 feet away, you’re sure Wanda can hear your audible gulp as you turn to face her.

“Needlessly it seems. You’re already here.”

Now despite your actions tonight, you’re not an idiot, and you know what’s about to happen. You consider how you’d feel about seeing Wanda in your shoes tonight. It might be slightly different because she has more of a reason to meet random, beautiful women at hotel bars, but for a moment you suspend your disbelief and consider how angry you’d be at her. At least half as angry as Wanda appears to be with you now. You walk deliberately towards her, and do your best not to flinch at her furious expression. You nearly startle when she jumps down the stairs and meets you on the sidewalk with a scowl.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

You can’t help but flinch and you think it makes Wanda even madder because her glare honestly makes you want to run and hide. You can’t remember the last time she’s been mad at you, actually mad, but you’re sure this is much, much worse. Unfortunately, in your infinite wisdom you dare to shrug before providing the worst answer possible.

“I was meeting someone.”

Wanda’s eyes flash as she remembers the beautiful blonde that had been looking at you like she wanted to take you upstairs. Her words come out as a snarl and you actually start to sweat as Wanda steps toward you.

“No shit. Who the fuck is she, Y/n?”

You realize, belatedly, that maybe this hadn’t been the best plan. Sure, you’d waited for an ideal night, or so you’d thought, but there had to be a better way. Clearly. It had to be possible to have pulled this off without getting caught. Right?

You sigh in defeat before you realize that there’s no way to lie yourself out of this one. You know Wanda’s going to be hurt, but you just have to say it. What was the point of dragging it out any further?

You run a hand through your hair and nearly roll your eyes at the fact that your ring snags on one of the knots. Figures.

“Her name is Rosalie Evans. She’s a donor who’s just pledged $10 million to help renovate the animal shelter.”

You and Wanda stand in silence as you let your wife process what you’ve said. You can tell by the look on your face that she’s trying to decide if she believes you, but after a near agonizing three minutes in silence, she just shakes her head. She walks past you with a huff, and you’re equal parts relieved and disappointed that she barely says anything in response.

“Come on. We’re not talking about this here.”

Despite Wanda’s desire to storm back into the hotel and find the blonde you’d been with; she knows there’s no point. She has a feeling the blonde is long gone, but that doesn’t mean she’s not going to have Bucky look into her right this second.

The trip home is made in separate cars and it’s silent for both of you. You’re lost in thought and Wanda’s waiting to get confirmation from Bucky that you weren’t just lying to her face. It comes only minutes from arriving home, but still the news that you’d been out with a rich, beautiful, animal lover didn’t sit well with her.

She slams her car door so hard the house almost shakes, and she waits impatiently as you pull into your spot before getting out as slowly as possible without ticking her off more.

She storms into the house, and you just have to follow her as she ignores Boone and immediately heads to the deck. You scratch your dog a few times as you trail behind your wife, but you leave him inside as you follow Wanda back out into the dark.

“Were you on a date just now?”

Despite expecting the question, you still can’t stop your initial reaction at the mere thought of doing something like that to Wanda. You would admit that you had been selfish and that you’d used Rosalie, but dammit if you weren’t desperate for the money.

“No, Wanda.”

You barely say her name before she spits her next question with such disgust that you instantly feel like a horrible person.

“Did she think it was a date?”

It never ceases to amaze you how smart your wife is. She’s always so many steps ahead of you that it would be embarrassing if you hadn’t already accepted that she was a genius. It’s only times like these, when you’re in trouble, that you truly regret this fact.

You don’t really know the answer to this, and you don’t take long to consider it before you shake your head. Wanda’s still facing away from you, and you can’t help but feel ashamed by this. She’s so angry that she can’t even look at you.

“I don’t know. It didn’t come up.”

This was technically true. That said, you would have let her believe that it was a date if it had gotten you the money. Is this what a gold digger did? Suddenly your self-respect tanks further at the thought.

Wanda doesn’t respond immediately as she considers all of her options. She’s still plenty mad at you for this, but she has to admit that by seeing this woman, you didn’t technically do anything wrong. That said, the way you went about it had been sketchy as hell, and she wants you to know that she doesn’t appreciate it in the slightest.

“Why did you go behind my back like this? Why not just tell me what you planned on doing?”

Wanda’s trying not to be angry about the fact that you’d snuck out of the house on a night that she’d specifically told you she would be late coming home. How you ditched Bucky to sneak away and make sure nobody was the wiser. She rolls her eyes at the thought of you pulling this off.

You have sat down at this point because you’re exhausted and you’re tired of staring at your wife’s back. You huff in frustration before you shake your head with a groan. You’re such an idiot sometimes.

“Because I didn’t want you to know what I was doing.”

You knew what question was coming next, so you tried to beat Wanda to it as she finally spun around to face you. You’d wished she’d stayed facing away from you instead. You would have preferred it to the glare she was shooting you.

“Of course not! You were practically on a date with this woman, and for what? For-?”

“For money!”

You’re back on your feet as you rip out some of your hair when your hand gets stuck again. You squeeze your eyes shut before you take a deep breath and try to calm down. You meet Wanda’s suspicious gaze and you feel your shoulders drop.

“I needed her to agree to the donation. I’ve only been trying to convince her for weeks. I-I needed the money, Wanda.”

Your wife simply scoffs before she crosses her arms and levels you with a look that hides how hurt she is. If you’d needed money so badly, why hadn’t you just asked her? Why had you needed to literally grovel to this woman you barely knew when she could have helped you easily? She asks this and your face says it all. Wanda almost wishes, for a millisecond, that you’d been having an affair instead.

“I couldn’t ask you Wanda. It couldn’t come from you. I needed the donation to be public. For campaigning purposes.”

Wanda suddenly realizes why you’d gone to so much trouble to keep this from her. You both often donated to various causes that you felt strongly about. Unsurprisingly, number one on your list was animals. You’d given countless donations to shelters and other rescues in the areas so they could keep helping stray animals. That said, sometimes you knew that an anonymous donation just wouldn’t cut it.

When the projects were larger and they required the help of many donors, you wished that you could be one of them without causing suspicion. Despite making good money at work, no one would believe that you could give $3 million without batting an eye. It just didn’t make sense. You also knew that since everyone thought you were married to someone named ‘Linda’; you couldn’t have Wanda donate either.

That and the fact that she’s a known criminal.

That wouldn’t go over well.

So you’d tried to go behind her back to accomplish your goal of getting money while sparing her feelings. She’s still mad at you, but she seems to deflate when she feels the familiar pang of disappointment that accompanies moments like this. Sometimes she thinks she’s failed you. Sometimes she desperately wishes that she could have had any other occupation as long as it was legal. At least then she would be able to support you more readily, more publicly.

She doesn’t realize she’s stared off into space berating her past self for her career choices until she feels your hand on her shoulder. She blinks before realizing that you’re standing right in front of her with an apologetic look. She suddenly feels exhausted, and she doesn’t want to talk about this anymore. She doesn’t want to think about beautiful blondes or not being able to help you with your selfless pursuits.

“I’m sorry, Wands. I should have told you.”

Wanda shakes her head as she sighs in defeat and walks past you toward your barking dog. She ignores the frustrated tears that are streaming down her face, and she hopes you can’t hear them in her voice as she lets Boone run past her so she can sneak upstairs while you’re distracted.

“It’s fine, Y/n. I get it.”

Wanda disappears up the stairs as you chase after Boone to get him to come back inside. It’s far too late for this and you quickly steer him back in the house before locking up and heading up the stairs. You need to follow Wanda and try to convince her that she shouldn’t feel bad about any of this. You’re the one who went behind her back. You thought that it would be worth it, but even the thought of $10 million doesn’t make the idea of trying to make amends with your wife any less daunting.

Masterlist

#wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff x female reader #wanda maximoff fanfiction #wanda maximoff #wanda x reader #wanda maximoff x you #wanda x you #silver springs #silver springs drabble #mob au

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fluffysucker · 10 months ago

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Bad Things

Bucky Barnes x Reader

TW: Violence. Fighting. Brief mention of torture. Steve is alive and well.

The only way out was to awake them. And you did.

A/n: Heavily influenced by oxytocin by Billie Eilish. No like you will find lyrics throughout. Listen to it while reading, please.

Written in Third POV. No use of Y/N. However, the reader is referred to as a female. Likes, comments, reblogs are VERY VERY highly appreciated. Opinions really matter to me.

Main Masterlist

You were sure that if you weren't driving the motorcycle, your legs would be bouncing, your hands would be shaking, and your palms would be sweating. But you were focusing on the road ahead despite feeling like you were driving on autopilot. You may not look like it, but you were a mess. Internally, at least. Anxity from the plan, danger of the situation, horrors from flashbacks, and uncertainty of the results. You were bitting your lips that you were close to feeling the metallic-tasting liquid on your tongue.

The darkness that grew, the further you got close to the agreed upon location, wasn't helping either. For someone who did this for a lifetime, you were spiraling. You wished you could cancel everything and come up with something different, but you couldn't.

Can't take it back once it's been set in motion.

You started to regulate your breath, take control of your mind, and keep your heartbeats in check once you saw the warehouse. It was now. There was no going back.

You stopped the motorcycle abruptly, causing the sand and dust around you to fly away. You took one last breath before taking the helmet out.

You got up and steadied your posture. The suit was never comfortable on your skin. Today, you felt like it was crawling on your skin, trying to devour you. You hid the suffocating feeling and put the act into action.

If you only pray on Sunday,

Could you come my way on Monday?

Confidence and peril were displayed. A strenuous look on your face. You were back in her.

"I thought you weren't coming." His voice annoyed you so much that you wanted to cut his throat open.

"I gave you a word, didn't I?" You came to a stop with enough distance between you and him. Even your voice was different in your ears.

"It's not like you had many choices." His laugh sent shivers through your body that you were able to hide.

"I always believed in your intelligence, moon." You pulled your hands into fists to stop any visible reaction from coming out of you.

The name was only associated with corruption and cruelty. Something the man in front of you strived for.

"With both of your capabilities, we will go back to the top of the world." The evil smile was more telling of his intentions than his disturbing words.

With the mere mention of him, you felt the air get thicker, the wind blowing harder, the stars dimming their lights, and the rocks and pebbles shaking on the floor.

He was here.

"Great. We didn't have to wait long for him." The man almost clapped in excitement.

In the sea of the darkness of the night and the void you were in, he appeared. His black suit made him almost unseen in the darkness of the night. But his heavy footsteps made him known.

The golden in his arm reflecting the light of the stars and the mask covering all his face except the eyes were making him even more fearful.

In person, he was much more terrifying than the stories and myths.

However, the crazy man didn't think so.

"Would you look at that?" He said once that the two of you were standing next to each other. You wanted to hold his hand, seeking any sort of comfort and reassurance, but you knew it would blow out your act.

"The Winter Soldier and Wicked Moon. Together and back at their home."

Dugal, the man speaking, had been the bane of your existence for some time now. Every mission, every warehouse, every file, and every piece of evidence all trailed back to him.

The manic, who had been obsessed with bringing Hydra back to life,.

With the right allies and calculated steps, he was able to achieve most of his plans in secret, but why show yourself now? Why draw attention to you now?

Because it was time to get Hydra's greatest weapons back.

You and your husband.

You and Sergeant James Barnes

Wicked Moon and The Winter Soldier.

You and Bucky shared the same life. Kidnapped by Hydra, injected with the serum, erased and brainwashed, trained to maximum efficiency. You reached levels of skills that were unmatched.

Despite the different start, you and Bucky were the faces of the same coin.

You were taken a bit after Bucky. Hydra had the goal of making both of you into its lethal duo. Unbeatable and unpredictable. You and Bucky became the ghost story for decades. Never once seen or traced.

You were a myth that terrified all.

And for decades, you spent all your days with Bucky, or who you called soldier at a time, because you didn't know his real name. Nor did he know yours, and he called you Moon.

You shared a cell. You trained together. You were sent on missions together. You were tortured together. You were used to each other's screams and pains. You were the same person in many ways.

While Hydra was blinded and happy with your success rate and obedience, they failed to notice the deep connection that was forming between the two of you.

The comfort you found in each other. The conversations without words. The accustomedness. The long eye contact and gaze The gentle touches that only you provided each other with. The worry and panic if one went on solo missions.

You understood each other. You trusted each other. You empathized with each other. You prayed for each other's freedom.

You loved each other.

So, looking at Bucky with questioning and worried eyes above Steve Roger's unconscious body after you disobeyed the direct orders of eliminating Steve and following Bucky to save him from death by drowning, Bucky knew he could never leave you. He took your hand and ran away.

Other people wouldn't stay

Other people don't obey

You and me are both the same

You should really run away

It was a long and bumpy road. Gaining back your memories and learning how to live. But you held each other's hands. And in the face of all the hardships, you stood together.

You fought it all until you finally settled into your shared apartment in Brooklyn. Almost ten years after escaping Hydra.

You thought life was finally good. You knew who you were. You got back your identities. You were healing bit by bit. You finished therapy and were officially pardoned. You were allowed on missions, but more importantly, you were allowed to turn down missions. A luxury you and Bucky never had.

You were so happy for Bucky, who got to have his bestfriend back, Steve, and make a new one, Sam. You were happy that one of you could have someone, especially after finding out that you had nobody, which made you the perfect target for Hydra in the first place.

But being the good people they were, Steve and Sam instantly took you in like family. They could easily tell how much you meant to Bucky. Even from the first day. Whether on the bridge or in Bucharest, The uncontrolled urge to protect you despite being perfectly capable of looking after yourself. The care and admiration in his eyes whenever you were around or your name was mentioned. All and more signs that exposed Bucky's feelings for you.

They were more than happy when Bucky told them that you got married on the very long, overdue vacation that you went on.

You were everything to Bucky's. His love. His life. His rescue. His salvation. You were his reason to keep going.

While he felt bad that you had to go through the tough life you had, he couldn't imagine how his life would have looked if he had never met you.

So when the danger of Hydra taking you away from him arose with Dugal's appearance, Bucky almost lost his mind.

Dugal seemed insistent on taking you and Bucky back. He was destroying places, terrorizing, and hurting innocent people. Dugal heard you were trying to be good people, so he played on your conscience. He was pushing you and Bucky towards this moment. The moment you caved and gave up. The moment you returned to Hydra.

So, with his knife on Cass's neck, you surrendered. You promised to meet him and do whatever he wanted. And you promised to bring Bucky as well. He wanted the both of you.

And you listened.

Here you were. In the suits you thought you would never put on again. Triggering the two people you buried so deeply within. In front of the warehouse of an enemy, you fought for and against your whole lives.

"This is your home. This is your purpose. Not fake heroism. You were made to serve the greater good. To protect and serve Hydra." Dugal's voice made its way to your ears.

"You belong to Hydra. And Hydra only."

'Cause as long as you're still breathing

Don't you even think of leaving

Not gonna wanna look away, look away, look away

You're gonna wanna get involved, involved, involved

And what would people say, people say, people say

If they listen through the wall, the wall, the wall?

You kept the stoic expression on your face, refusing to let him see the effect his words had on you.

The door of the warehouse opened, and walking out of it were Dugal's two trusted men that you saw everywhere with him. Nedward and Alexios. They stopped behind him.

Following them, hundreds of agents came out of the warehouse. They surrounded you and Bucky in seconds. You looked at Dugal, confused.

"I want to make sure you are still the best. I want to know where to pick up from." His smile was wicked and filled with bad intentions.

"Call it a test. A test of Wicked Moon and The Winter Soldier's abilities." His wicked smile wasn't flattering.

You got into a fighting position quickly, not willing to lose this. You felt Bucky take position, too, his back turning to you. You were back-to-back, moving in slow circles, assisting the situation.

And once the first agent threw the punch, it was nonstop.

I can see it clear as day

You don't really need a break

Wanna see what you can take

You should really run away

While the agents largely outnumbered you, they were at a disadvantage. You and Bucky fought like one. You had a never-seen-before fight style. You designed it so that you used each other's strengths to the full and utilized the weaknesses as power points. You used your full bodies in fighting. You were familiar with each other's bodies and movements. You grabbed weapons that were strapped to the other's suit. You twisted around each other to reach as many targets as possible. You trained until you perfected it. No flaws. No mistakes. No room for lacunas.

It didn't take long before the last agent was down on the floor. You felt like it was harder to breathe. There was a ringing noise in your ears. Your hand wanted to start shaking. Tears were rushing to your eyes. You were having a panic attack.

Memories of missions and assignments you did throughout your life It all looked like this. You standing above the fallen, waiting for your destiny to be decided by an evil organization that thought of you as an object of killing.

Dugal's voice gave you a sense of where you were and the situation around you. Quickly, you pushed your emotions inside and regained your focus. A trait you learned from your days at Hydra. Human emotions were never well accepted by Hydra.

You shook your head as you looked at Dugal, who was clapping slowly.

"Excellent. Great job." He moved a bit towards the both of you.

"It seems you haven't changed. Still the best." You succeeded in his test.

"You did cost me all the agents in the base. But we will bring more." Dugal was proud of the two assets.

"So it's only us in here?" You were hoping to get a specific answer.

"Yes. Tomorrow, I will bring agents and recruiters. Also, scientists who know how to treat and handle great weapons like you. This will be Hydra's biggest base." Dugal seemed excited for his plan.

However, once the words left his mouth, chaos erupted everywhere.

Bucky caught the shield in his hand as Sam and Steve landed on the ground and attacked Dugal. You and Bucky moved to Nedward and Alexios. Each taking on one.

Cars and vehicles appeared everywhere, lighting up the deserted place.

This was the plan all along.

No matter how much time passed, Hydra's men would always have something in common. They were arrogant. They had an ego big enough for an entire population. And that made them stupid. That made them vulnerable to mistakes.

You and Bucky knew that more than anyone. So the plan was to trick Dugal with your alliance until he was defenceless. It was risky, but it worked.

You only let go of Alexios once handcuffs were secured around his wrists. Same with Bucky and Nedward. You turned to see Sam and Steve holding Dugal until Torres handcuffed him.

"You think you won?" His words were more direct towards you and Bucky.

"You think you can ever escape this? You think you can be free? You are delusional. Hydra will never die." Dugal continued. Torres handcuffed him, letting Steve through him in one of the more armored cars and strapping him more.

"Cut off one head; two more shall take its place. Hail HYDRA!"

Steve closed the door of the car.

They weren't planning to cut off one head. They were planning to burn down the whole bunch. No mercy. No stopping until they were all gone.

Once his voice was muted and you couldn't see him anymore, you couldn't hold up any longer. You sat on the ground, hugging your knees to your chest, trying to get hold of yourself, trying to reconnect, trying to disassociate from what just happened.

Like you, immediately after the car started to move, Bucky threw the mask off his face, finally breathing. He hated everything about this mask. Trapped like an animal behind it. Deprived of any form of humanity.

He prayed he never had to put on again.

"You okay?" Sam asked his friend, worried about the mental toll this whole act may have had on him.

Despite having his nephews being the ones in danger, Sam was against this plan. He cared about you and Bucky dearly and didn't want to know how stepping back into your assassin personas would hurt your healing. You had come a long way.

While your quick response to save his nephews and willingness to do this for them touched his heart immensely, Sam couldn't help but feel like they should come up with something else.

But both of you insisted, and it worked, but was the cost expensive?

Bucky nodded. They were okay physically, at least.

Bucky turned around to see you still sitting on the sandy ground, face in hand. He knew it wasn't just today, but the whole thing. Hydra still haunted you, messing with your progress. He understood.

Bucky sat on the ground next to you. He wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling into him and letting you lay in his laps, both of your legs on the side of his thigh. You nuzzled into his neck, holding his gear in your hand. You wanted to disappear in him.

"It's over. You're fine. You are okay. You are safe." Bucky's voice whispered in your ears, the end of his long hair touching your face and his hands wrapping up your back and waist.

You felt the tension leaving your body a bit by bit, making yourself only focus on Bucky's voice and letting yourself breathe. You knew you were surrounded by people, but you didn't care.

You only cared about Bucky right now.

You moved away from Bucky so you could look at him.

"We are okay. We are safe." You said to Bucky.

Because you cared about Bucky more than you cared about yourself. You loved Bucky more than anything. Bucky was the reason you were still alive. Bucky was your everything.

You wanted him to know that he was okay, too. You both survived this. You weren't back in that cell. You were going to your home.

Being the good-hearted person he was, Bucky always felt responsible for you. Even when he was the Winter Soldier. That's how the spark between you kindled. His instincts to protect you and care for you took a big part of him. And that made you fall deeper in love with him.

But you loved him just as much, if not more. You wanted to protect him from the hell you went through. Because he didn't deserve it. None of it.

The bigger burden of today wasn't the possibility of falling back into your old selves. It was the possibility of losing your partner to Hydra and watching them lose themselves once again.

You both came in with one goal. Protect each other to death.

And you succeeded. You were fine.

Bucky looked at you with love pouring out of his eyes. Bucky didn't understand how, after so much evil, he was still able to feel such strong emotions of love and adoration. But you melted him and lived in his heart. You were printed on his soul.

He nodded with a smile. You were okay. He leaned in and kissed you. It was a slow and gentle kiss. A reminder that you were both still yourselves. You were free. You were okay.

"Let's go home." You spoke once the kiss broke.

Home. Bucky was going home to the city he grew up in. He was going home to a place he had chosen to live. He was going home, where he would take a shower and lay on a comfortable bed. Bucky was going with his wife. Bucky was going to hold on as you both got rid of the remains of tonight. Bucky was going to hold you as you both drifted to sleep, dreaming of your future together.

Hydra didn't win. You were okay.

187 notes · View notes

tmpestuous · 1 year ago

Text

moth to a flame - 4

series masterlist

summary: bucky barnes was the love of your life, and you were his. there was no denying it. but after two years of dating, you found yourselves on different paths and decided it was best to go your separate ways. the only problem was how drawn you’d always be to him even after moving on.

pairing: College!Bucky x Reader

chapter warnings: alcohol, drinking, implied (stated) sex, bReAkUpS?, angst, fluff, i think that’s it

word count: ~5k!

a/n: an update finally… i sincerely apologize for the inactivity but life has been more than stressful lately. i have the course of this story planned so hopefully i can push out a few updates for you all over the course of december and hopefully finish it! thank you for your patience.

“You should be with him,

I’ll let you go from time”

“You should give him another chance, you know,” Bucky said softly as he gazed out at the water before him.

He had brought you out to the lake to calm your nerves after he found you crying on your bedroom floor, always knowing how to best comfort you. You two were seated on a bench, watching the moonlight illuminate the water through its reflection.

“I’m surprised you’re saying that,” you joked as you looked over at him, your eyes tired from their overuse. “You said you wanted to fight him not even an hour ago.”

Bucky chuckled. “Listen,” he leaned forward on his knees. “It’s his first fuck up, and I know he cares about you. I know you care about him too. I reacted the wrong way when I saw you earlier today, I let my emotions get the best of me. But I still meant every word.”

You sighed. “I do care about him, it’s just…” you paused. “I expected more, you know? I’ve gone to all of his big moments since we’ve been together. I’ve been to his stupid frat parties when I didn’t want to go just because he wanted me to be there. I’ve done my part; I don’t know what I did wrong for him to not do his.”

“Hey,” Bucky turned his attention to you. “You have done nothing wrong. He was irresponsible and that is not on you.”

“So why exactly are you telling me I should give him another chance?” you asked, avoiding the topic of your self-blame.

Bucky shook his head. “I dunno, I just don’t like seeing you sad. He’s a good guy, he made a mistake. I made lots of mistakes with you—”

“None that really hurt my feelings, though,” you cut him off.

“I know,” he agreed hesitantly. “But they were mistakes nonetheless, and you never held a grudge too long with me.” You giggled, making Bucky furrow his eyebrows. “What’s so funny, Y/l/n?”

“I don’t think anyone can hold a grudge against you for too long, Barnes,” you said as you raked your fingers through his hair to push it away from his face. “You’re you.”

“So I’ve heard,” Bucky responded, his conversation with Atlas after the seminar creeping into his thoughts. “Still, what I said still stands. Just talk to him.”

You nodded. “Okay.”

T W O W E E K S L A T E R

Studying for an exam was indeed the bane of your existence, but studying for an exam you thought you weren’t prepared for was by far a lot worse.

Forcing yourself not to get swallowed up in your schoolwork was starting to get really difficult, and your exam for your 6:30pm class had you up at 7am this morning to study.

The library was somehow even quieter in the early morning, the silence forcing you to play some music lowly through your headphones because it had started to make you uncomfortable.

Around 11am, you had been studying for 3 hours with appropriate breaks during the time span. As you were about to take another one, you saw a familiar face that’d only make you feel better.

“I’d say you look like shit when you’re stressed, but I would very much be lying,” Bucky joked quietly as he sat across from you.

You and Bucky were… different.

It’s odd to say that your relationship with each other has changed drastically in the span of two weeks, but you both felt that it was a lot less hurtful to be around each other. You invited the warm feeling.

After that night on the bench in front of the lake, you were a lot more open with each other. Cracking jokes about your previous relationship that would have left you crumbling in tears months prior.

It felt nice to have your best friend back.

“This test is slowly going to kill me, but I desperately need to eat,” you said as you closed your textbook and finished up the notes you were writing on your iPad.

“We can grab lunch, if you want?” Bucky offered, “I don’t have much going on today before my only class at 2:00.”

Narrowing your eyes at him, you mentally questioned why he’d already be eager to leave the library if he had only just got here. “Did Nat put you up to this?”

Natasha had been on your heels revolving anything and everything in the last two weeks, not letting up on the Atlas situation either in the slightest.

“It’s not that serious, Nat, I promise,” you said.

“It’s hate sex, Y/n. Not even me and Steve would do such a thing.”

You shook your head with a chuckle. “It’s not like it was planned, it just… happened.”

“With no conversation, not even a hint of him telling you why he didn’t show up to your presentation, and no sight of an authentic apology that doesn’t end with him in your pants. I mean, when did you all of a sudden decide to want him all up in your guts anyway?”

“Natasha Romanoff!” Natasha shut her mouth as soon as she went to retort. “He apologized. As a matter of fact, he won’t stop apologizing. I’d rather him put his energy into something else anyway.”

“Do you really think he’s sorry?”

“He’s just gonna have to show me over time. Bucky said it is his first fuck up,” you mentioned, not getting your conversation with Bucky out of your head.

“I cannot believe Bucky told you to give him another chance,” Natasha slid her jacket on. “That man is still in love with you.”

“Isn’t he seeing someone?”

“Aren’t you?” she rebutted.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

She winked before leaving your dorm without another word.

Chuckling slightly, Bucky pulled on the straps of his bookbag.

“She told me to find you,” he admitted. “Make sure you aren't drowning in this test. What’s it on anyway?”

“Different theories pertaining to the mind. I’m pretty well versed on who said what and their reasoning, but some of them are a bit confusing and the professor helped a bit, but he’s a philosopher through and through.”

You closed the case to your tablet before shoving everything in your bag.

“So we’re getting lunch?” Bucky raised his eyebrows as you exhaustingly zipped your bag up.

“We’re getting lunch.”

The dining hall was a bit across campus from the library, so you were glad you had Bucky as company. Your newfound dynamic brought you a sense of comfort with him you hadn’t had with him in a while—steps in the right direction to avoid the tension that’s been looming all semester.

Walking into the cafeteria, you and Bucky ordered and paid for your food before going into one of the booths, sitting across from each other. Bucky stared at you with a stifled laugh as you dug into your food, resulting in you glaring at him.

“Don’t laugh at me,” you said, mouth half-full.

“Don’t talk with food in your mouth or you’ll choke,” he teased and you rolled your eyes playfully. “How’re you and Atlas?”

“Just going straight to the important questions, are we?” You retorted after swallowing.

“I’m just checking in.”

Shaking your head, you shrugged. “We’re… okay, I guess. He still hasn’t really confessed anything about flaking, but I also haven’t really asked.”

Bucky nodded. “Are you going to?”

You shrugged again. You weren’t sure if you wanted to open the possibility of another argument with Atlas, especially since you hadn’t had one since him ditching you. He seemed remorseful, trying to make up for it with time, but the thought of not knowing always bothered you in the back of your mind.

“Enough about me,” you said abruptly. “How are you and Sharon?”

It was Bucky’s turn to shrug. If he was being honest, he didn’t know how he felt about Sharon. She was a nice girl, but he wasn’t entirely positive that she’s 100% into him and vice versa.

“We have good moments; I just don’t know where it’s going.”

As you were about to reply, Natasha and Steve crashed the booth without warning.

“If it isn’t my two favorite people after Steve,” Natasha said as she scooted in next to you, giving you a side hug. “I’m glad we found you here.”

“What trick do you have up your sleeve, Nat?” you asked, knowing your roommate and best friend a little too well.

“I’m sure you know this already,” she leaned into you before turning her attention back to everyone at the table. “Party tonight at the frat house on Fulton. 9:00 PM sharp. We need a break now that midterms are finishing.”

“Sounds fun,” Bucky agreed. “I’m in. Y/n?”

“I’m not sure I have a choice with the redhead next to me,” you said, making Natasha giggle. “I will be late though, I have my last midterm for this class today and I’m taking every single second I can get to perfect it.”

“We shall meet you there then,” Natasha said before you all continued finishing your lunch.

1 0 : 0 0 P M

To Bucky’s surprise, this party had gotten live faster than he expected. A 9PM party usually meant everyone started pregaming at 9, showing up at around 11-12. But the amount of bodies within this house had him wishing he’d shown up later. It wasn’t like he had much of an option, with Natasha rushing everyone out at 9 to head over. He said it’d be best to wait for you to get back so you can all go together, but Nat had assured him you told her it was fine to meet her there.

On the bright side, Sam agreed to be the designated driver which meant he could actually drink for a change. He wasn’t a huge drinker, fancying his occasional whiskey, but he felt he hadn’t had a chance to let loose all semester. Bucky definitely wasn’t trying to get wasted, but he wanted the warmth of a few drinks that made him incapable of being trusted to drive.

Bucky couldn’t help but keep an eye out for your arrival, knowing how stressed you were about your test and even offering to study with you before and after his only class of the day. You had gotten a few texts from Atlas throughout, Bucky noting your frustration and overstimulation from everything and making you take a few breaks here and there, which you were grateful for.

Bucky knew Atlas was never going to be fully fond of him and his friendship with you, but he couldn’t really blame him. He knew he’d probably react the same way if he were in such a situation, but he also knew that he’d never purposely ruin your relationship. Atlas cared about you and you cared about him, which was enough to preserve in Bucky’s eyes.

You always caught a few longing glances from Bucky, but he was oblivious to it. You knew what was cycling through his head, as he did yours, but your current dynamic was going so well and neither of you wanted to go back to square one.

Bucky was on his fifth drink of the night when you walked in, begging him to make you the strongest drink possible without a greeting to precede it.

“How’d it go?” he asked you in your ear so you could hear him over the music, prepping his same drink for you, but with a bit more to take the edge off.

“It was fine, I’m just glad it’s over,” you sighed as you took the cup out of his hand within seconds of him handing it to you, downing the entire drink before demanding another.

“Slow down,” he warned before making you a second one.

“I need to get drunk tonight, Bucky, so you can help me by making sure no one fucks me up or I will go elsewhere,” you warned back playfully, and he could see you meant no harm when he handed you a second, third, and fourth. Soon enough, you had already passed him in drinks and he saw as you looked giggly already.

Atlas had walked up to the both of you, making Bucky look on his phone to avoid the awkwardness.

“I didn’t know you were here already,” Atlas pulled you into his arms, placing a chaste kiss on your lips. “Are you… drunk?”

You giggled in response. “I need another one,” you hiccuped before going back to Bucky, who was entertained with swiping aimlessly on his phone. “Barnes.” Bucky looked at you with furrowed eyebrows as you took his phone out of his hand, shoving it in your bag. “Get off your phone, we’re here to have fun.”

“Your boyfriend’s here, Y/n, go have fun with him.”

Shaking your head, you grabbed him by the shoulders. “We’re all here to have fun, c’mon!” You pulled him forward, Bucky and Atlas both trying to make sure you didn’t trip over your own feet. You ended up pulling Atlas into the mix as well, who was already more than uncomfortable.

Dancing in between the both of them, Natasha was giggling in the corner, earning her a hard glare from Bucky. He knew he wasn’t gonna live this one down, but he slipped away from your view once all of your attention was on Atlas instead of partially on him.

“That’s gonna be a messy conversation, huh?” Natasha asked as Bucky finished making his way over to her and Steve.

“What are you talking about, Romanoff?”

“Atlas hasn’t had a drink all night and he looked like he’d rather crawl in a hole than dance with his girlfriend and her ex-boyfriend,” she watched as Atlas carried you upstairs, taking another sip of her drink. “Wonder how that’s gonna play out.”

Atlas was dying to get out of the crowd, taking you upstairs to his room which you happily accepted, throwing yourself on his bed after he put you down to lock the door. Another giggling fit came out of you, and Atlas sat next to where your lying body was on the bed.

“What’s so funny, Y/n?”

He didn’t sound too thrilled, having the notion that drunk actions were sober thoughts in the back of his mind. When you got here, you made your way to Bucky. Not him. That on top of the most awkward situation he’d been in with Bucky since he started dating you, he was starting to lose his patience a bit, but he knew he couldn’t bring it up while you were drunk.

“You’re funny,” you said with more giggles to follow. “You’re maaaad.” You sat up, a bit too quickly which Atlas noticed, holding you stable by the shoulders so you wouldn’t get dizzy and throw up. You stared at him and bopped his nose with your index finger, giggling again. “Don’t be mad, Atlas.”

“I’m not mad, Y/n,” he responded in a shy yet stern tone. “You should probably go to bed.”

“Mm, no,” you said with a quick head shake, wrapping your arms around his neck as he wrapped his around your torso. “I’m not tired.”

“You’re drunk,” he said, laying back as you fell on top of him. “Let’s go to bed, okay? We’ll talk in the morning.”

“I don’t want to sleep,” you pushed up off of him, straddling his lap. “And I don’t want to talk. There’s nothing to talk about.”

Atlas scoffed. “There’s a lot to talk about, Y/n.”

“Like what?”

“We’re not doing this right now, you’re drunk,” he said as he removed you off of his lap gently, placing you back on the bed. “Let’s just go to sleep.”

You shook your head, suddenly starting to feel your buzz get killed. “No, what is it that you want to talk about so bad?”

“I’m not doing this right now, okay?” he said, pulling one of his shirts for you to change into.

Rolling your eyes, you reluctantly got changed, getting into bed as he slid in behind you, knowing the following morning was going to be irritating.

And that it was.

Waking up slightly late, you were surprised you weren’t sporting a raging migraine from the previous night’s endeavors. Atlas was no longer in bed and the bass from the speakers downstairs blasting music long gone. You checked your phone, seeing a few texts from your friends who you left without a goodbye.

Bucky <3

Hey, everything all good?

We’re heading out in a bit. Not sure if you drove here or not if you want a ride back

I would assume your phone’s dead but all the messages are delivering

Nvm all good. Atlas just told us you went to bed. See you tomorrow loser

Future Russian Spy (Nat)

Where is your drunk ass at

Hoping you’re not getting laid again

Sleep is for the weak but I’m glad you’re resting. Let me know if you need a ride back tomorrow when u see this

You had driven to Atlas’s place, but given the fatigue you had, you texted Nat back asking for a ride. After doing so, you got out of bed, deciding it was best to take a hot shower and at least make yourself look human for the day. Atlas came back into the room after you were dressed and brushing your teeth with the spare toothbrush you’d left here the last time you slept over.

“I made breakfast,” he said, standing in the bathroom doorway.

“Not hungry,” you said, rinsing your mouth with water. “But thanks.”

You were pretty intoxicated last night, but definitely not blackout drunk to forget the impending comments from your boyfriend about whatever was bothering him. Not to mention, the last thing you were looking for was an argument at 11 in the morning after you just woke up.

“Can you please not be difficult right now?”

Stopping in your tracks as you were about to grab your jacket, you turned to face him. “And what exactly is that supposed to mean?”

Atlas sighed. “I’m not arguing with you, Y/n.”

“I never said you were,” you rebutted. “You wanted to talk, so let’s talk.”

“Do you seriously not see that nothing is getting better between us? You were throwing yourself at Bucky right in front of me last night, and he has a girlfriend. You don’t even seem regretful.”

Scoffing, you rubbed your hands down your face. “I’m not repeating myself for the thousandth time to you, Atlas. You know how I feel about Bucky, and he and Sharon aren’t even dating.”

“You still love him.”

“I will always love him, that’s what you don’t get!” You yelled in frustration before exhaling deeply. “Bucky and I didn’t end on bad terms. We didn’t end because he cheated on me or I ruined his life. I will always have love for him, regardless of whether you think it’s platonic or romantic. I can’t just change that.”

“Well, you need to,” he replied flatly.

You chuckled. “You’re giving me an ultimatum?”

“Me or him, Y/n. I can’t play second-fiddle to Bucky Barnes anymore. It’s me in your life or him.”

“You can’t sit here and give me ultimatums like I’m constantly the one that’s doing you wrong.”

Atlas crossed his arms across his shoulders. “I knew this was going to come up eventually. You’re still mad at me.”

“I have never been mad, Atlas. I just wanted an answer. And that was so fucking difficult for you to give me.”

“Maybe you should ask your little ex-boyfriend what happened that day.”

“It’s always about Bucky with you,” you dejected. “I’m starting to think you’re the one that’s in love with him.”

“I’m serious, Y/n.”

Throwing your hands around in frustration, “What could Bucky possibly know abou–”

“He’s the one that told me to leave!” he interrupted you. When you simply stared at him without words, he continued. “I showed up. Bucky told me to leave. I fucked up the night before, I get that, but I was there. I made it after you walked in and Bucky told me to up and leave because I couldn’t support you in the state I was in. So if you need someone to be upset about, maybe start with him.”

Staring at him in disbelief, you scoffed again, shoving your jacket on your shoulders, checking your phone to see Natasha text you that she’s outside. “I’ll talk to you later, Atlas.”

“When you come back here, I want an answer.”

“Yeah, whatever,” you said, starting your day off with an immeasurable amount of frustration, which Natasha could feel radiating off of you as you got in the car angrily.

“I’m going to ignore the fact that you slammed my door and ask what happened.”

Sighing to yourself to calm down, you leaned back in the car seat. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Fiddling with your fingers, Natasha was talking your head off but you could not hear her one bit. You know Bucky was mad about Atlas not showing up, but it wouldn’t make sense for him to sabotage you like that. Was he telling you to give Atlas another shot because he felt guilty? Did he not want to be the reason things fell out?

No, that wasn’t Bucky. He would never do such a thing.

Sighing to yourself, Natasha snapped you out of your thoughts in the middle of the diner you were seated at having breakfast food at 1pm.

“Are you even listening? What’s got you so distant since I picked you up?”

“Are we seeing Bucky at any point today?” you avoided her question.

“I told you he’s meeting us here with Steve. What’s going on?”

Knowing how Natasha feels about Atlas, you decided to wait until Bucky made it before jumping to any conclusions, assuring her that it was no big deal. It’d be better to hear it straight from Bucky than being mad at anyone over anything yet, and you knew Bucky would tell you the truth.

At least that’s what you’d hoped.

Almost as if on cue, Bucky and Steve walked into the diner, looking around before Bucky spotted you with a smile, tapping Steve to draw his attention in the same direction. You half-smiled back, but Bucky knew something was off. As the boys made their way over, Bucky sat next to you in the booth, looking over at you with concern.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, making you shake your head.

“We didn’t order for you guys not knowing what you guys wanted,” you said as you slid both of them the menu, leaving Bucky confused while Steve was excited.

“Bucky and I have been thinking about bacon since we left the dorm,” Steve chatted looking at both you and his best friend, which you returned, but Bucky couldn’t take his eyes off of you. “Buck?”

“What��s wrong, Y/n?” Bucky asked you again, Steve diverting his attention towards you.

“That’s what I’ve been trying to figure out for the past two hours,” Natasha interjected, and everyone at the table was now staring at you.

You sighed, looking down at your hands in your lap, biting down on your bottom lip. “I don’t know.”

“Did that asshole do something again?” Natasha asked, clearly starting to get riled up. “I swear to G—”

“Nat,” Bucky cut her off sternly, giving her a glare. He knew you were nervous about something and anyone getting angry would just make it worse.

He always knew how to read you.

“Did something happen after we left? This morning?” he asked softly while Steve ordered for himself and Bucky.

“He told me it was you, Buck,” you responded hesitantly, causing Bucky to shake his head in confusion. “The presentation. Him not showing up. He said you told him to leave when he got there. Before you walked in?”

Shaking his head again, Bucky was now annoyed. “Bullshit.”

“Bullshit?”

“He showed up during Banner’s slot, Y/n. Yeah, I told him to leave, and if that was wrong on my part, I’m sorry, but I would never force him to leave if he actually showed up on time.”

“That and he smelled like a bad liquor store,” Steve added.

“He was only going to make things worse. I’m sorry for telling him he should leave but—”

“No.”

“No?” Bucky questioned your interruption, not quite catching on.

“You’re not apologizing. You did what you thought was best, and he lied to me about it again anyway.”

Feeling defeated, you urged everyone to move on. Bucky felt bad that you had to find out in such a way, and the urge he got to beat Atlas’s ass was even stronger than it was the day everything happened.

After you all ate, you went back to the dorm and relaxed for a bit before asking Natasha to give you a ride to get your car at Atlas’s house. The gang all asked to meet up at Bucky, Steve, and Sam’s dorm for drinks and games, so you told Natasha you’d meet her there.

“You sure you’re gonna be okay?” she asked for the second time that night.

“Yeah, I’m just gonna get my car and go,” you unbuckle your seatbelt and open the door. “I’ll see you at the boys’ place, okay?”

Nat nodded before watching you walk towards your car and driving off. Unlocking the vehicle, you saw Atlas rushing out of the front door from your peripherals.

“You weren’t even gonna come inside?” he said as he walked up next to you.

“Don’t think picking up my car requires me to go inside, does it?” you retorted with an attitude, not really wanting to talk.

“You know why I’m asking.”

“Well, I wouldn’t think it’d matter considering Bucky has no involvement in the reason why I’m breaking up with you, Atlas.”

Stunned, Atlas stared at you incredulously.

“Cat got your tongue? Or are you coming up with some other lie you think I won’t find out about?”

“Y/n—”

“Save it. We’re done. If you think I’m choosing Bucky over you, then maybe I am,” you cut him off, tears filling up your eyes. “Now that I think of it, I’d choose him over you every single time, Atlas. He’s never lied to me, never treated me like I was less than him, and he sure as hell would never make me pick between him and someone else that he knows I care about. I’m over it, I can’t do this anymore. We’re done.”

Getting inside of your car, Atlas decided not to say a word as he watched you pull out of his driveway and drive off. He definitely had other ideas in mind.

Meanwhile, you were trying to gain your composure as you made it back to campus and to the boys’ dorm. You managed to get yourself to stop crying but given the amount of it you just did, you knew it was evident on your face.

Even though it might be the worst option at this given moment, you wanted nothing but to jump into Bucky’s arms. You wanted his hugs back, you wanted to feel his warmth again.

You wanted him back. You knew it was dumb to even think of, but you couldn’t help it. All of your emotions were crashing down on you and you finally knew why everything was weighing so heavy on your shoulders for the past few months.

You never wanted to move on. It was foolish to even think of doing, let alone actually doing it. Bucky was always going to be it for you. It’s him. It’s always going to be him.

But much to your demise after opening the door to the boys’ dorm, you walked in to see everyone in the living room.

Including Sharon.

Everyone looked up at you, seeing your face and immediately asking what happened.

Again, including Sharon.

“Um– sorry, I didn’t want to be a buzzkill or anything, I just—”

“You’re not,” Sharon spoke up again, and you couldn’t help but notice her hand on Bucky’s thigh while she spoke. “We weren’t talking about much, just some updates on everyone. Right?”

Everyone agreed.

“Updates?”

“Yes, like Barnes here making it official with Sharon,” Thor added eagerly.

You looked back at Bucky, who suddenly looked like he wanted to throw up.

“Are you okay?” he asked, not wanting to talk about the bombshell news that just got dropped on you.

“Yeah, I-I’m fine,” you shook your head. “Don’t worry, I just got into a heated argument with my mom is all. Um, I actually forgot something in my room that I should grab so I’ll be back.”

Natasha knew your excuse for leaving was full of shit the second you walked back out the door, telling everyone she was going to check on you. She walked downstairs to see you sobbing to yourself in your car, thankful you didn’t drive off yet.

Opening the passenger door and getting inside, Natasha pulled you into her embrace.

“I know it wasn’t some argument with your mom that got you like this, so what happened with Atlas?” Natasha asked right away, knowing you weren’t calming down anytime soon unless she knew how to help.

“I broke up with him.”

Well, she wasn’t expecting to hear that.

“Oh,” she said, rubbing your back up and down. “I’m sorry—”

“For Bucky.”

Or that. She definitely wasn’t expecting to hear that.

“Oh.”

“I’m such an idiot, Nat,” you sobbed into her shoulders. “I just broke up with him and now Bucky’s with Sharon and I can’t tell him that I broke up with Atlas because he’s gonna ask why and I—”

“Hey, hey,” she lifted your face in her hands to look at her while you cried. “We’re gonna figure it out, alright? You’re gonna be fine.”

You nodded, even if you weren’t fully convinced. But little did you know, everything was about to bite you in the ass.

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes fic #bucky fanfic #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes x reader #james bucky barnes #bucky fic #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes fanfiction

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redhairedfeistynerd · 4 years ago

Text

Captain McHippityHop

A/N: A long lost piece that I forgot to post last Easter! Another part of my ‘Seasons of Bucky’ series. Loosely edited, all errors are my own. Enjoy and have a great long weekend everyone.

Don’t not copy or redistribute any of my pieces.

Summary: It’s finally Spring and the Barnes family is ready for some Easter fun. Uncle Steve has something to hop on about.

Pairing: Bucky x reader

Word count: 2200+

Warnings: kissing, nudity, sexual situations, implied smut, teasing, cautious Bucky

No bunnies were harmed in the making of this fic

“We’ll be there at 10, okay? Don’t worry, they’ll be up and ready.” Bucky rolls his eyes while he listens begrudgingly to Steve as he carries on about the importance of being on time.

Y/N sits across from him on the couch, her left elbow resting on the arm and her hand folded up, flapping open and closed as if it were Steve’s big mouth. Bucky is trying to control the look on his face, if it cracks, he is likely to burst out laughing. And IF he laughs, y/n will follow and they both know that Steve will not be impressed.

Bucky ends the call and looks to y/n. “You’re a pain in the ass. I was TRYING to be serious and keep a straight face but you kept smirking and your eyes brightened up like you were going to laugh. I can’t stop myself when you do that, I want to laugh with you!”

He lunges towards her and tackles her into the soft cushions of the couch. He knows that it’s finally ok to kiss her and he attacks her neck as she tries to curl into herself; he attacks the left side, kiss by kiss. Her giggles have turned into shrieks and he knows that she is enjoying it. He can’t get over how playful she is, he could drown in her laughter and happiness. It fills all those empty places inside of him, all the places he closed up when his marriage ended all those years ago. They’ve be silent and dark for almost a decade and then she came along and into their lives.

She crept in slowly, a hot chocolate date here and there with his girls, a walk in the park and then a stop at the playground, a rare night at his house when the girls were able to visit their mom. It had taken years for him to build up the courage to talk to her about how he felt but she was the first one to move her lips to his. Soft, tasting of vanilla and beeswax, everything he thought it would be, was everything that he received. Her arms wrapped around him first and she whispered in his ear that it was ok for him to do the same. His arms went around her softly but he still had a thought in his head the he could crush her, that all of the years without holding a woman meant that he was going to use all of his force at once and hurt her.

“Barnes, you aren’t going to crush me, don’t hold back. You hold your daughters every day, I know you’ll be gentle with me,” she said as she kissed his forehead softly.

“It’s just… I don’t,” he fumbles with his words and y/n brings a finger to his lips.

“Less talk, more kissing, Barnes.” She pulls his face back to hers and kisses him with a bit of force, trying to encourage him to be forceful. He does try to pull back but her hand is in his hair and she uses it to pull him back in. “No way Barnes, I’m not letting you back out after all these years. You’ve told me how you feel, let me show you how I feel.”

He really likes her and he has told her how he feels but hell, he loves how she is showing him. Her mouth is warm and incredibly soft, the sweet taste of her lip balm is swirling around inside his mouth. How can someone be so sweet, both in life and in her delicious mouth. Pulling back slowly, he looks into her eyes, admiring their colour before he whispers “Will you stay?”

“Why are you whispering, no one is going to hear us and it’s not as if I haven’t spent the night here before. The girls are with their mom tonight for Easter dinner. We are alone, my sweet,” she whispers into his hair and kissing his ear.

Bucky’s cheeks are slowly turning from pink to red, he can’t look her directly in the eyes. “I mean…” he chokes a bit on the words, clears his throat and begins again. “I mean, I want you to stay with me, in my room. Not the spare room like when we have sleepovers with the girls. You with me. In my arms. I would really, more than anything, like to have you in my arms tonight.” He can’t meet her eyes and curls into himself a little with the embarrassment he is feeling.

“Don’t you dare shy away from me, Bucky Barnes,” she gently scolds him as she crawls into his lap. She brings a hand to his chin, and pushes up so his eyes meet hers. “You don’t need to hide from me, ever.”

He can’t help but be nervous about this. A woman in his bed after all these years. Forget the quick one night stands he rarely had at someone else’s apartment after a night at the bar. This meant something. He had never been more aware of the carpet beneath his feet as y/n pulled him down the hallway to his bedroom. Each step sinking into the carpet, pulling him into the plush fibers, and releasing him.

“Help me,” he thinks he, hears her say as she pulls him closer. He hasn’t moved and her eyes are wide and staring into him. “Bucky,” his name softly escapes her mouth and she brings his right hand the front of her dress, guiding him to the buttons. “Help me,” is whispered into his ear and he freezes. Her hands have moved over his, picking one up and gently placing it on her breast. “Start here, this button first,” she coaxes him, “you can do it Bucky. You aren’t going to hurt me. I trust you.”

It’s as if it finally makes sense in the darkest pits of his mind. One by one, he pushes the button out of the holes and pulls the dress away and down her body. He can’t help but stare and before he makes her feel comfortable with his eyes looking her up and down in awe, he brings her closer, wrapping one around her and pulling her into a deep kiss. Bucky pulls away first and brushes her hair back, “I think you said something about showing me how you felt?”

The girls are dropped off early the next morning as y/n is starting to make breakfast. Bucky is quietly sipping his coffee and staring out the window. He’d woken y/n up early, soft kisses up the back of her neck, trying to enjoy her warm body that had curled into him during the night. He fell asleep soon after and awoke to an empty bed. He found her the kitchen table, pink sparkly rabbit ears on and placing chocolate eggs into baskets.

“Did you, did you make the girls Easter baskets?”

“I sure did, I thought we could say our good ole bunny friend popped by your house too.”

Bucky leaned over to give her a quick kiss, “it makes me incredibly happy that you think about them. It makes me feel so fulfilled that I’ve met someone that considers my daughters.”

“They’re part of you Bucky, why wouldn’t I think of them? Besides, I remember loving baskets like this when I was a kid and I want Riley and Piper to enjoy them too.”

The girls had squealed when they saw the large baskets on the kitchen table and ran to y/n, smothering her in kisses. Bucky’s ex-wife watched from the doorway and mouthed a ‘thank you’ to y/n. Once the girls had hugged their mom goodbye and wolfed down a breakfast of French toast and fruit, Bucky packed the girls in the car and they headed off to meet Steve.

It’s 10 a.m. and it looks like the Easter bunny and friends exploded pastel colours everywhere. The girls run into the kitchen, where Pepper is placing cupcakes adorned with mini eggs and Peeps on a tray.

“Hey you two, are you ready for some Easter treats and crafts? I hear the Easter Bunny will be here as well! Why don’t you take a look out back and see if there’s someone hopping around?” Pepper hands the trays of cupcakes to Bucky and pushing them towards the patio door.

The two of them head out towards the picnic tables, Bucky placing the cupcakes down before he turns to see a 6-foot-tall bunny out of the corner of his eye.

Bucky bursts out laughing before he can get a hello out. “Oh… my…” he keels over, his laughter so powerful that he has to hold onto the picnic table to stabilize himself. He can hear y/n ask what’s so funny and Bucky points over to wear Steve was last standing. He hears a little snort and it’s not long before she has fallen to the grass in a fit of laughter. Bucky can’t help but laugh louder at y/n’s display.

“What the hell are you wearing, Stevie?”

“It’s for the kids, you jerk. I have ears on, a cute little nose, and a bunny tail,” he says and wiggles his behind. “Obviously, I’m the Easter bunny.”

Tony saunters by, a mimosa in hand “why don’t you ask Rogers how “America’s Ass” ended up with a bunny tail.”

“Stevie, what did you do?” y/n laughs

Steve is between blushing and looking furious at Tony. “You just had to open your big mouth.”

“Rogers here thought it was a smart idea to make a bet with Pepper. This ancient idiot thought he could have a bake off with Pepper and win,” Tony snorts and take a sip of his drink.

“Oh Steve, you should have known Pepper would kick your ass,” y/n says, wrapping an arm around his waist, trying to comfort him. “I know for a fact, that the second the girls see you, they’ll jump all over you and tell you how much they love it. So, enjoy that it will be a hit with them.”

Bucky could hear their giggles coming from inside, Pepper, holding their hands, led them out to the picnic tables where the egg decorating had started. Y/n leaned into him a pressed a quick kiss to his cheek, letting him know that she was going to paint some eggs with his daughters.

“Come on Stevie, bounce away and introduce Cap McHippity Hop to the girls,” Tony teased.

“If those kids weren’t here Tony, I’d be kicking your f-”

“Now, now Cap, language,” mocked Tony, a sly smile forming across his face.

Steve muttered something unintelligible and made his was over to where Bucky’s girls were sitting with Y/N. His girls were so preoccupied with dipping their eggs in the coloured pots, that they didn’t notice Steve peeking over their shoulders. It wasn’t until Y/N started up with her giggling again, that Riley and Piper looked up to see what was so funny.

“Uncle Stevie!!! You have fuzzy ears AND a bunny nose!! Are you the Easter Bunny?” Riley asked loudly, jumping up to stand on the bench of the picnic table, now eye to eye with Steve.

“I’m your very own bunny, princess. Looks like you are doing a fabulous job with those Easter eggs. How about you and Piper come with me once you’re done and you can look around the yard for all the candy I hid?”

“Uncle Stevie, you’re the best!” Riley squealed and wrapped her arms around his neck. “But don’t tell daddy that, ok?” she whispered into his ear.

With a smile, Steve squeezed her once more before heading over to where y/n was sitting. He sat beside her and smiled.

“Those girls sure love you, Steve. Thanks for doing this for them, even if you did lose a bet and had to wear a cute little bunny tail,” she said as she peeked over to see the fluffy white ball attached to his pants. “I think the tail suits America’s Ass,” y/n laughed, pushing against him lightly.

“Ya, ya, keep laughing. I’ll have you know, that I had already planned all of this before I lost the bet, the outfit only adds to the festivities. I wanted to make this day special for Bucky’s girls, they’re my family too.” He looked at Y/N and pulled her into a hug. “I hope you know that you are part of my extended family as well, I love all of you.”

The girls finished quickly and made their way around with baskets, collecting jellybeans and bunnies, the smiles are their faces making Y/N smile. Bucky made his way over to her, once they had finished with lunch and the girls were slowly slipping into a sugar coma from all the treats their Uncle Steve had bought for them.

“Hey Barnes, before we get out of here, I think you need to take that tail and ears from Steve; I’ve always wanted to be a playful bunny,” she winks at him and walks towards the girls. She watches as Bucky picks up his pace, going after Steve as he headed inside with empty platters from their lunch.

“Come on girls, let’s get everything together and head on home.”

“Hey Y/N? Thank you for coming with us and helping us keep daddy happy,” Piper says, her big eyes staring up at Y/N.

“You’re welcome sweetie, l love seeing your daddy happy too,” Y/N replied smiling. She was more than happy herself and glad that she had this little family to love.

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky banes x y/n #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes #steve rogers #single dad!bucky #easter fic #redwrites

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picturetoburnnn · 3 years ago

Text

Home Is Where You Are - b.b. x reader

pairing - Bucky Barnes x Reader

word count - 4k

warnings - the usual angst and language !!!!smut, 18+ only!!!!!

a/n - this is my attempt at a comeback after my last flop. ive never written a smut before so yeah that's cool. this is a month and a half in the making -- i hope y'all enjoy it. i love you guys so much

tags - @cxddlyash @thewxntersoldier @calpalirwin @bibliophilewednesday @givebuckyhisplumsnow

“What the fuck was that, Y/L/N?” Tony’s angered voice filled the small cabin of the quinjet.

“I’m sorry--” The words weren’t even halfway out of her mouth before the tech mogul was on her again.

“You almost got us all killed!”

“But we didn’t! It turned out okay, in the end, and Steve--”

“Captain Rogers was able to work his way around your mess, and thank whatever God there is, he didn’t endanger any more civilians than you already had.”

“I didn’t mean--”

“No, no, no.” He made a ‘shut up’ motion with his hand. No one dared interrupt, even the other teammates aboard the jet. “This is not the time for you to speak. This is the time for you to shut your ass up, and listen for once in your goddamn life.”

Never before had Y/N, or anyone on the team, heard Tony so furious at a partner.

“You think it’s okay because you escaped unscathed, but look around you! Natasha has two bullet wounds, Pietro’s nearly critical, and Barnes looks like he was dragged to hell and back, and it’s only because he was a super soldier that he isn’t on a stretcher right now! You are so -- so careless with your life and others, that I don’t think you even realize how many people could have died because you weren’t paying attention!”

“Tony,” Natasha began, “it’s really not--”

“Yes, Nat, it is! I won’t go having my life put in danger because she--” he pointed a deadly, armored finger in Y/N’s face “--was selfish.”

“That’s enough,” came a quiet voice. Almost every head turned to face the speaker (even Wanda, who was loyally crouched beside her wheezing brother). James Bucky Barnes met all of their eyes. “She’s not Parker. You can’t chastise her like a child. Lay off it.”

“You, out of everyone here, Barnes, have the most reason to be pissed.” Tony waved dramatically, finally averting his gaze from the trembling Y/N.

“And I’m not. We all make mistakes. Give her time to fucking breathe, Tony.”

“Her time to “breathe” should have been before she opened the fucking floodgates of hell and set loose a million--”

“I know.” The quiet voice interrupted Tony, and the cabin fell silent again. The billionaire’s head spun to face the screw-up in question.

“I know I messed up. I know I hurt you all, and I’m sorry. It was unacceptable, and I failed. I recognize that. Please, can we just get home now?”

Tony spared a quick look over at Bucky, who leveled a death glare at him.

With a sigh, Stark turned back to the pilot’s seat. “This isn’t over.”

The rest of the plane ride home was suffocatingly silent. No one dared even breathe in Tony’s direction, afraid they may set him off again.

Upon landing, Y/N was among the first off the jet, making a beeline for the residential floors. Wanda, her best friend waiting for her at the receiving bay, looking utterly confused as the woman raced past, not even giving a hello. Barnes brushed her off, attempting to follow Y/N.

Before Bucky could say a single word of reassurance to her, the door to her apartment was slammed shut. He could hear the locking mechanism click into place. His heart ached for her. No one had seemed to notice that the mistake she had made was because she was protecting a small group of civilians. Or that she had put herself in front of the business end of a gun that was aimed at a child. No one, it seemed, except Bucky, realized that there was more to today’s events than just a mistake.

He’d never dared to say the words aloud, but he always found himself migrating to Y/N. Team meetings, movie nights, charity galas -- he somehow always found himself near her, as if his body knew that she could provide him some sense of safety amongst everyone else. Neither of them ever addressed it, but he was sure she’d had to have noticed by now that the century-old sharpshooter was constantly around.

Bucky gently tapped his knuckles twice against the door. He could hear her muffled cries from inside, and could practically imagine how she sat curled up on her bed, tucking her face into pillows to muffle the sound of a shattered will.

“Doll?” He called softly. The whimpers quieted. He pictured her sitting up straight at the sudden intrusion of noise. “Y/N are you okay? Do you want to talk?” God, the words felt so strange coming from his mouth. He was never good at being comforting. It went against everything he’d done for the past century, it felt like. His whole soul was begging him to talk to her, to make her feel better.

The door remained shut, and he was met with silence. With a sigh, he resigned himself to tying again in a few hours.

“I’m here if you want to… talk, Y/N. I won’t let you be entirely alone in this.”

Y/N listened for his footsteps to fade away before flopping her body back down onto the bed. Tears continued to flow quietly, and she couldn’t help but rethink the day over and over and over again.

“FRIDAY,” she questioned quietly. “Is anyone awake?”

“The only signatures not in their rooms is Mr. Stark, down in his labs. Would you like me to alert him for you?” Came the automaton’s response.

“No, no,” Y/N hastily insisted. “That’s fine. Thank you, FRIDAY.”

I’ll go down there, she decided. Yeah, I’ll go and talk to him like adults, now that we’re both calmed down. It’ll be fine.

Her footsteps echoed down the haunting halls as she slowly made her way to the sub-level laboratories. Bracing herself mentally, she prepared to knock on the doors, before she heard a voice inside that made her freeze.

“I don’t know what to do, Pep.” She heard Tony say. “I’ve given her so many chances and it’s just gotten worse. I don’t see anything else I can do to make her see I can’t let her be on the team anymore.”

Y/N never heard Pepper’s response. Tony didn’t want her on the team. That was all she could think.

Tony wants you gone, Tony wants you gone, Tony wants you gone, Tony wants you gone.

It was too much.

Minutes later, she found herself hunched over her desk, a small lamp illuminating the paper and pen she shakily held. Tears slowly made their way down her cheeks as she wrote.

To my team--

I’m sorry. I should have realized before now that I am not made for this life. I tried to help but I’ve only ever made it worse. I’ll be going now, somewhere I can’t get in the way again. I never wanted to cause you pain, but I can see now that that is exactly all I’ve done.

I promise I won’t be in your way again. I won’t make the same mistakes that lead to three teammates being injured. I never meant to be the burden you never asked for. Hopefully, without me, missions can be completed more safely and effectively.

I did my best, but unfortunately, I’m just not made for this life. By the time you’ve found this letter, my room will have been emptied and my suit returned. This is the best way to move onward.

Please, don’t try to find me, not that you’d want to. I know about the trackers on my car and on my phone, so rest assured they will be left behind. You can have them back.

I wish it could have ended differently. I really do wish you all the best.

Y/N Y/L/N.

By the time Y/N had finished packing her room, the compound was completely silent.

The robotic voice seemed to understand what was happening. “If they ask,” FRIDAY began, “I am incapable of deceiving the inhabitants of the compound. I am fundamentally obligated to inform them of your whereabouts should they request them.”

“Which is why--” Y/N grunted as she hoisted up a bag full of her belongings “--you don’t get to know either.”

The larger items, she could live without. She was sure the sound of her car starting would awaken someone, but the hope was that whoever it was (likely Wanda, as her room was just above the garage) would assume it was merely a midnight drive to clear her mind. She’d stop the car a few miles away, walk the rest of the way to the train station, and from there…

Well, she didn’t exactly know yet, but she’d figure it out. She always did.

So she left the note on her desk, with her phone beside it. Opening the front door, she turned and took one last look at what used to be home. With a steady inhale, she walked out, into the night.

An angry yell across the compound was everyone’s wake-up call.

“Stark!” Bucky embodied every bit of the old Winter Soldier when he walked up to the billionaire with murderous intent in his gait.

“What the hell is your problem, Tin Man?” Tony questioned defensively, discreetly calling for his suit.

“This is your fault.” A paper was shoved in his face.

“Bucky,” Steve’s voice was almost unheard behind him. “What is that?”

“Y/N’s gone,” the brunette spat over his shoulder as Tony snatched the paper from his hand. “She left last night, said she was a burden. Now, who--” he pointed a deadly finger over his shoulder “--would have made her think that, if not the guy that was fucking yelling at her like a child yesterday.”

“Well obviously,” the brunette snapped, “this wasn’t my intention. I didn’t want her to leave. I just wanted her to--”

“To what, Tony?” Steve interrupted. “I was there, you consistently told her she wasn’t good enough, and all but said she shouldn’t be on the team.”

“I never--” he stopped himself as the realization dawned on him. “Son of a bitch. She heard me. I thought I imagined it, but she was there. She must have heard me on the phone last night. I was tired and didn’t mean what I said.”

Bucky was deathly still, eerily quiet as he whispered “What. Did. You. Say.”

“I… I said I couldn’t let her be on the team anymore.”

Bucky was restrained, told he was suspended. Assaulting an Avenger, they said, was a bad idea when his pardon was already so tedious. They’d look for Y/N, they told him. Just sit down and relax, take a break, she’d be back before he knew it.

Bullshit.

He’d never be able to relax until he knew where Y/N was. She was his peace, and without her, he would be in endless turmoil. He couldn’t wait for them to find her. They didn’t know what to look for. He’d have to find her himself.

Three days of searching. Three days of studying every file in existence that even mentioned Y/N before he found what he was looking for. Twelve years ago, before she even started training of any sort, her grandmother had passed away, and in her will was a small piece of property in the backwoods of Vermont.

I’m coming, doll.

A knock rang out against the silence of the cabin, jolting Y/N out of her reverie. This cabin was twenty miles outside of town, and far enough back in the woods that you couldn’t find it by accident. Especially in this pouring rain. Slowly, she crept towards the door, daring a glance through the peephole. A gasp shot through her as she wrenched the door open.

"Bucky?"

As soon as he laid eyes on her, he felt like he could breathe again. He immediately went to wrap his arms around her. "Oh thank god you're okay," he breathed, tugging her frozen body to his chest.

"Wh-what are you doing here?" She pushed off of him, and she swore the raindrops that fell from the ends of his hair looked like tears.

"I… We need you. Back at the tower, I mean. Come back to us."

His heart dropped as she scoffed. "Yeah right. You all need me like you need a bullet to the brain. I'm of no help to you all. The team doesn't need me, in fact--"

"I need you." His heartbroken reply cut off her tangent. "I need you like I've never needed anything before. You are the light of my days, and it's been so, so dark since you left. I could barely focus. I need you."

Thunder clapped, and Y/N swore it was like a scene from a movie. The man she'd been craving for so long, come to beg for her back in the pouring rain. It was too good to be true.

"Don't," she whispered, trying to keep her voice from breaking. "Who told you? Nat? Wanda?"

"Doll?" God, he sounded so clueless. It almost made it worse.

"Don't play with my emotions like this. I know they told you to come get me under any means necessary, but this--" she cut herself off with a sniffle, holding back tears as her voice broke "--this is just cruel."

"Y/N that's not what I'm doing, I--"

"Because I have loved you too long for my emotions to be used like some bargaining chip."

The soldier swore he could feel his heart crumble as she stepped back. “Doll--”

“Don’t call me that,” she whispered, deadly quiet as her eyes locked on the ground. “Don’t say it if you don’t mean it.”

“Y/N,” he breathed, stepping closer. She stepped back again, crossing the threshold into the cabin. “Please, just listen to me.”

“I don’t want to hear you telling me all the things I would have died to hear a month ago. Don’t say them to me now because you want something from me.”

“I just want you to come home.”

“That’s something I can’t do, Buck.”

He wasn’t quick enough to stop the door before it shut in his face.

“Y/N!” He shouted against the wood panel. The rain continued to bear down on him, soaking his already wet clothes. “Y/N please,” he begged. “I can’t go back without you. Missing you this week tore me apart. Don’t ask me to do it again. If I have to sit on this doorstep for the rest of time, I will, if it means I’ll be near you.”

She could hear him banging his fist on the door gently. “Just… don’t ask me to leave, Y/N. I won’t go back without you. I need you. I need you like the air I breathe, I need you more than anything. Please. If you only listen to one thing I say, listen to this. I have been in love with you for God knows how long now. And even if you ask me to leave, I’ll still be in love with you.”

The door slowly creaked open. Y/N’s eyes met his frantic blue ones.

“Do you swear you mean it?” She asked hesitantly, quietly, scared of the answer.

Instead of answering verbally, Bucky surged forward, hands gently cupping the sides of her face, bringing his lips to hers.

At that moment, Y/N couldn’t bring herself to care about the water droplets on her entryway. She didn’t care about the fact that he was absolutely drenched in rainwater and his clothes would soak hers. God, as long as he kept kissing her like that, she couldn’t have a care in the world.

His lips moved perfectly against hers, as his metal hand steadied her jaw, keeping her in place. His flesh hand traveled downward, looping around her waist, ensuring she stayed against him.

When she pulled away, he angled his forehead against hers. Panting, he finally answered her question. “I mean it, with every bone in my body.”

“Good,” she mumbled, before pulling his lips to hers again.

The pair stumbled inside, Bucky kicking the door shut behind him.

“Bucky,” she moaned against his lips.

“I know, love,” he soothed, breaking away from her lips just to press kisses against every inch of skin he could. Her cheek, her nose, her forehead, that little spot behind her ear that seemed to make her go wild. Anywhere he could reach. His hands reached down to the back of her thighs. “Jump for me.”

She followed his instructions and couldn’t help but notice how large his palms were against her leg, not to mention the delicious chill that came with the left hand’s grip. She felt herself being placed on the counter as his tongue slipped back into her mouth. “D-down the hall,” she breathlessly mumbled. First door on the left.”

Bucky quirked an eyebrow teasingly. “Can I show you how much I love you, doll?”

Y/N nodded her head excitedly.

“I need your words, doll.” He drew back from her entirely, leaving her sitting on the counter without his touch, except for the hand under her jaw that kept her eyes on him. “Do you want me to take you to your room and show you how much I’ve missed you? Do you want me to show you how much I love you, keep showing you until you can’t walk? Yeah?”

“God, please, yes, Bucky. Yes, yes, yes.”

He smiled as she tugged him back to her, jumping off the counter. Her hands grabbed his hips, yanking his body closer to hers as she stumbled backward. Somehow, they made their way to the bedroom, her knees buckling as she hit the bed frame.

When she fell, he fell with her, arms caging either side of her head. Y/N couldn’t help but let out a giggle at their current position, half of each of their bodies dangling off the bed. Bucky drew back, just looking at her.

“What?” She breathed, a trace of laughter still in her tone.

“Just… You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

His words made Y/N break out into a furious blush. Despite the shyness, she dared herself to beg “Say it again.”

“I love you.” He kissed her neck.

“Again.”

“I love you.” His lips pressed against her pulse point.

“Again,” she requested breathlessly.

“I love you,” he whispered against her lips, just a breath away. The tension was killing her.

“Promise me?”

“I’d give you the world if I could,” he mumbled just before connecting his lips to hers.

In a flurry of rushed motions and flailing arms, clothes were discarded one by one. First her shirt, then his pants, on and on until they both laid bare before each other.

Dangerously slowly, his metal hand traveled south until it laid above her mound.

“Doll, you’re so needy for me,” he teased, running a finger through her slick.

“Buck,” she moaned. “Don’t tease me.”

“You sound so nice begging,” he smirked, lips hovering above hers. “Do it again. Tell me what you want.”

“Please, Bucky. Your fingers -- I need your fingers.”

“Shh, it’s okay, doll,” he soothed, gently pushing in one finger. “I know what you need.” Pumped in and out until it was joined by one more, then another.

Soon, he had three fingers knuckle-deep in her warmth, and when he curled them up she let out the most delicious moan.

“Oh-- oh my god, Buck, don’t stop.”

He winked as he slinked downward. “Never.”

With that, he took her bud into his mouth, and that was when she truly erupted. Her moans, mixed with the salacious sounds of Bucky in her heat filled the room as her hands found their home twisted in his locks. Pleasure built up in the pit of her stomach as she cried out. “Oh, fuck--”

He twisted his wrist just right, and then he was hitting that little spot every single time. Without fail. Paired with the way his tongue was moving against her clit… she was done for. His free hand pinned her hips down as her thighs tried to shut around his head. “Buck… Bucky I’m right there, I’m gonna come, I--”

His eyes met hers for just a moment, and Y/N could have sworn she saw the bastard wink at her before he moaned into her.

The pleasure was too much. “Oh, oh my god, I’m coming, Bucky I’m--” she was cut off by her own moans of pleasure. Bucky, ever the gentleman, worked her through her orgasm, his lips and fingers and tongue never ceasing.

“Too much,” she moaned. “Baby, it’s too much.” She had to pull his head away from her core, and even then he tried to dive back in. Ever so slowly, the super-soldier kissed his way up her body. The moment he surpassed her neck, Y/N’s hands grabbed the sides of his face and tugged him to her lips once more. “You’re,” she breathed between kisses, “really good at that.”

“I’m good at more than that,” he grinned smugly. “I can show you everything I know, if you wanted.”

She whined as she tugged him back down. It was safe to say, neither of them got much sleep.

The light streaming through slightly open curtains was what woke Bucky up. He vaguely registered the weight against his right side. It was real. Last night wasn’t a dream. He’d found her, he’d talked with her, he’d made love to her.

Her form gently rose and fell with her breaths. It was enough to make Bucky realize she’d been awake for at least some time. “Good morning angel.”

Y/N’s silence was louder than anything said. Rolling over, Bucky propped himself up on his elbow, admiring Y/N as she stared at the ceiling.

“You have to go back,” she realized quietly. “You’ll have to go back to the compound. They need you, Buck.”

“Hey,” he soothed, tracing her features with a cool finger. “I’m not going anywhere without you.”

“I don’t want to go back, James.” A hint of dangerous anger seeped into her tone. “I’m not welcome there anymore. It’s not my home anymore. This is my home.”

“You are welcome there,” he breathed sadly.

“You didn’t hear what I did.” The soldier was sure he felt his heart break as her eyes watered. “I almost killed you. You’re still hurt, so’s Nat and Pietro. And Tony-- Tony doesn’t want me there. I understand that. I won’t go back home, James, and you can’t ask me to. You have to go back but I can't."

At any other time, the use of his first name from someone so close would have made him flinch. "He didn't mean it," Bucky pleaded as he reached a hand to cradle her face, his thumb stroking her cheek as his fingers tangled in her hair. "I promise you doll, he didn't mean it."

"How can you know?" The broken whisper echoed in the silent morning.

"Tony--" Bucky stopped himself with a sigh. "He doesn't always say what he means or means what he says. He… for all his faults, he does care about the team. And you're a part of that. When he saw you were gone, he… he hated himself, love."

"That doesn't make it any better, Buck--"

"And I personally beat his ass for having the audacity to make you feel like this."

The crack of a smile across her face was a good sign; she was beginning to get it.

"Doll, you…" He flipped back down, onto his back beside her. His fingers searched for hers and linked his pinkie to hers.

"Yes, Buck?"

"You keep telling me that I have to go home, but it's not home without you there. It's not home without your smiles, your laughs. I can't be at home if you're not there. You're my home, Y/N."

The pair sat in silence for a while, side by side staring at the ceiling, before the quiet whisper of "Okay" passed her lips.

Bucky immediately rolled himself over, holding himself above Y/N. "You'll come back?"

"Only," she started defensively, "If Tony apologizes. Then yes, I'll mmph!"

She was cut off by Bucky's lips and she could feel him smile against her.

The truth was, she would go if he asked again. She would go anywhere he asked. He was her home, as she was his.

Masterlist Found Here

#bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes smut #bucky banes x reader #bucky x y/n #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes angst #bucky x reader #bucky barnes #james bucky barnes #james buchanan barnes

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subwaysurf45 · 3 years ago

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Winter Makes Ice (Ep.5)

Summary: you’re captured after a brawl at the Avengers building, Bucky and others must save you before Hydra makes a new Winter Soldier out of you, Bucky has given up that title.

Words: 4344

Episode: five

Warning: violence, nudity, needles, descriptions of injury

Masterlist! Winter Makes Ice Episode: Four

Time: unknown

Date: unknown

You knew they had full control over you. There was nothing you could do even though you were conscious all the time, your body did what they wanted but your brain screamed against it. There were times where they’d ask you to do the impossible, they’d make you climb the tallest tree in the forest that surrounded the building and then make you jump down without anything to catch you, you’d land and your ankle would break; the worst was when they told you to break it back in place.

It was like you were sat in a large chair as you watched your life unfold in the cell, your wrists were strapped to this imaginary chair so you couldn’t reach out to block the punch, ankles were clasped so you couldn’t run away. You never became lucid, it was always you watching through the shell of your body. Crying yourself to sleep wasn’t an option, you weren’t allowed to cry, or laugh, or scream, or smile; you were dead on the outside. The feeling of control was so close but yet so far away.

There was a moment, just a moment. More I.C.E. had just been injected as you hung from the cuff restraints, you swung lightly as you dangled there. The cell door closed and the silence you were left with was getting louder by the second, your brain starting to pound like it always did and right at the back of your head near the bottom began to pulse, like you were being stabbed. The pain, hunger, exhaustion built up until that one moment, your eyes were slowly closing but as they closed you could see something right in front of you, something was moving. You couldn’t reach out to touch it because you were chained but as you crossed your eyes all you saw was a little black thing slightly swinging with you.

It was the tip of your nose.

Your fingers had also begun to blacken, it was about to hit your first knuckle.

That was when you let the control fully go to the I.C.E. flowing in your veins, the power to keep yourself above water was only getting more and more tiring. No one had tried to save you so they probably were never going to come. Part of you thought Bucky would be there in less than a day, he’d break walls and towers for you, but it might have just been words to make you think he loved you, just sounds put together as a fake.

Time: 6:10am

Date: October 3rd 2024

“Darling, It’s me, It’s Bucky, you’re safe now.” Bucky spoke softly, he flickered between your eyes and nose. You didn’t say anything, just looked right through him. “I will not fight you, but we need to get out of here, we have to go.” He urged, right when he finished talking you stepped forward, he was shocked to see you move, it was rigid and robotic. “Baby, explain what’s going on, please baby?” Bucky stepped forward and reached out, his hand lightly touched your shoulder but he studied your face as he did so. Your nose would have scrunched up but with the lack of that it was just your eyebrows that pulled together. Bucky looked around the room to try and find any sign of how to get you out of your trance; the papers he flicked through were now getting thoroughly read through. All you did was stare at him, waiting for a command.

“Bucky, it’s all clear down here, some got away though,” Steve breathed heavily as he spoke through the coms. “There's this guy who looked to be the head and he got away, didn’t get a good look at him.”

Bucky turned to you, “who’s the leader here?”

“No one gave their name.” You answer quickly.

“What did he look like?” Bucky left the papers and walked to you, he grabbed a lab coat on the way to cover your scared and naked body.

“Slick black hair. Black eyes. Heart shaped face. No facial hair. Slit through his left eyebrow. Hydra ring on his finger.” Your eyes closed as you computed the man who poured the ice water on you multiple times. “Height: six foot. Weight: around one eighty. Scars, markings, tattoos: none.” Bucky watched you in shock, “any other specifics, James?”

“N-no, well done.” He nodded and threw the coat around you, “we’re going to leave now, okay?” Bucky took your hand and led you toward the door.

Your feet tread silently while Bucky’s combat boots echoed three times down the grey hallway, it scared you every time he’d step. With every loud sound came a hard punch, it was a way for you to brace yourself when they’d catch you talking about your past life. As you walked closer to the doors your fingers found their way to the walls, still grey like the floor but clean, the floor was covered in dead bodies and blood from the invasion.

The doctors and agents you knew were slumped over against the wall or splayed out in the middle of the hallways, some people’s blood had congealed while others still created a larger pool around the Hydra operatives. The smell of death didn’t read on your face but it did on Bucky’s, the smell of the inside of your cell just carried out here it seemed like. You were unaware of your smell, part of you thought it was the lack of nose but the other knew it was the lack of fresh air and being surrounded by copious amounts of blood.

“Where to, Sergeant Barnes?” the feeling of someone holding your hand was foreign, his thumb kept swiping back and forth.

“Call me Bucky,” he looked back with sorrow in his eyes. You stopped walking and lowered your head, “what are you doing?” he asked.

“Waiting for punishment,” you spoke softly, knowing they went easier on you if you knew you messed up. There’d be times where you’d push your luck and stare them down but once you grew tired of being tough you head would bow and you waited for the strike, it was now a reaction to any type of dissatisfactory.

“No, no punishment anymore,” his eyes filled with tears and he brought you under his arms, his lips kissed the crown of your head as he opened the doors. He kept you under his arm as he opened them, metal arm gripping right on your forearm.

The sun was barely meeting the surface and yet you had to squint to adjust, everything had a hue of red. The grass felt foreign under your bare feet as you stepped off the tiles and into nature, your toes gripped the leaves and grass as they walked. Your lungs felt like they were about to explode with the intake of fresh air, your nose could still work but it was slightly harder to breathe, the cool wind blew into your mouth and gripped the back of your throat which made you double over to the cough. Your knee popped out of the front slit on the closed lab coat, you were used to feeling naked and vulnerable; Bucky was the one to close it again.

Steve, Wanda, and Nat all stood by the jet.

Wanda screamed your name and ran up to you, her arms pulled you into a tight hug but you curled in and waited for the strike. She pulled away and the feeling of rigidness, “y/n?” She questioned, her hand coming to cup your cheek but you stepped back and held your hand up for protection. Wanda brought her hands into her chest, she looked between Bucky and you but Bucky just shook his head with a few tear tracks present on his face; Wanda was beginning to develop her own after she looked back at you before turning away.

You didn’t really know why everyone was crying, “Scarlet Witch, Wanda Maximof.” your head slightly bowed, you looked over her to see the others behind her shoulder, “Captain Steve Rogers and Natasha Rominoff, a pleasure.” Their faces seemed worried and Nat looked disgusted, she brought her hand to cover her mouth as she walked up the steps to the jet.

Wanda got your attention again, “hello, we’re going to take you home, alright?” Wanda took your hand, “do you remember me?”

“From?” was all you said as you made it into the jet. Wanda covered sob with her hand as she turned away from you to sit beside Nat, she was also crying.

Steve didn’t even look at you, he walked straight to Bucky. Steve caught him right as Bucky’s knees were buckling, Bucky caught onto Steve and they both slowly made it to the ground. It seemed like they guided each other, both holding onto one another for dear life. It was a common understanding, grief was written on both of them.

“She’s fucking gone, Steve!” Bucky cried into Steve’s uniform, the blue turning navy with the tears. “She called me James! She doesn’t know who I am, I can't- I don know- what did they-”

“Bucky, it’s alright,” Steve calmed him as Bucky began to hyperventilate, “we’re going to get her back, I promise.” Steve gripped onto Bucky’s shoulders and they both stood, a little wobbly but both were extremely tired and light headed. “I’ll handle everything,” they walked to the jet, “just be there for her and I figure everything else out, alright?” Steve made Bucky look at him.

“Sure…” was all Bucky could muster.

They all made it to the jet, you were placed in a room off to the right. Bucky went right in there to see you curled on the ground when there was an examination table in the middle of the room, he kneeled beside you and ghosted a hand down your shin to try and get your attention.

“It’s Bucky, let’s sit up on the table, okay?” Bucky eased but you didn’t move, his eyes closed as he fought with himself. He didn’t want to abuse your injected substance, but he really needed you on the exam table to check your wounds. “On the exam table.” he didn’t speak harshly or yell, it was just Bucky’s normal tone.

You shot up instantly and sat on the edge of the table, your legs hung off it and the lab coat was forgotten, it was still around you but it seemed you were told to be naked so often it became second nature. Bucky turned toward you and stood between your legs so he could get a good look at you, he could tell you were staring deep into his eyes, he didn’t want to look in yours yet, he wanted to look you deep in the eyes and have you pull him in for a kiss, maybe it was selfish but he needed it.

“I’m going to do something called a head-to-toe check,” he informed but he knew you knew what this was. He slipped on the disposable gloves, “I know you have cuts and scars but I need to find active bleeding first, alright?” Bucky held up his hands to show nothing was on the gloves. “Tell me if I’m making you uncomfortable.”

“Nothing is-”

“That’s an order.” Bucky added, “I’m commanding you to tell me if you don’t want me touching somewhere,” he knew he had checked you, there might be a way you could find a loophole in his command and get him further from a checkmate but he was making progress.

His hands gently tapped all around you, he was asking questions as he did so but you didn’t answer any of them. You were now looking straight forward, when Bucky looked to your face for any sign of his girl you’d give no hints or answer. His hands worked down to your chest, he hesitated over your breasts but you gave no indication that you were uncomfortable, when he looked for bumps, bruises, or blood he didn’t find much, just scratch marks that looked old. He did the same when he hit your waist, not a lot of touching but looking, it wasn’t thorough but he knew you wouldn’t say anything and he might trigger you again.

His gloves weren’t picking up much, most cuts were partly healed and the bruises were very noticeable. Part of a head-to-toe check is seeing how the victim reacts to the pressure, if you tap their stomach and they flinch it could be internal bleeding or a broken rib, but you weren’t giving any sign of hurt. He knew you could feel the broken bones and the bruises but you would never tell him in the mindset you’re in. he watched for little twitches in the eye or some type of pull away from him wherever he touched, Bucky wanted to reach in and find your brain so that you could tell him what hurts; he wanted to help you so bad.

“Do you know how long you’ve been gone?” Bucky asked as he picked up your left leg, turning and examining it. He found a deep red mark on the edge of a purple bruise on your ankle, there was the exact same one on the other and on your wrists. He pushed away your hair and moved the lab coat back to find a massive bruise with cuts all around your neck, it was impeccable your vocal chords weren’t fried after being put in that cuff contraption.

“Gone from where?” you asked robotically, you didn’t even look at him.

Bucky was taken back by your answer, he stumbled with his hands as he switched legs. “F-from home, y/n. Shield, home?”

“Hydra is my home, it was where I was created.” your head turned to allow your eyes to lock with Bucky’s.

Part of him wanted to scream and shake your head so hard it might knock a memory back in place, he wanted to tell you of your story and how you both grew. Bucky wanted to tell you about the drawings you do with Steve or the boxing in the early mornings, he wanted to overflow you with emotions but he knew they’d hit a brick wall.

Bucky finished his exam but he needed to keep you for himself for a little longer, he pretended to check your pupils and pulse three more times but all he wanted was to feel the warmth of your skin. His eyes would catch the tip of your nose swinging as he moved you slightly, he had an entire set of questions just for that. But he just kept looking at you for no reason. He’d ask if you’re cold and you’d say no, he’d ask if you were hungry and you’d say no. he’d ask if you were thirsty, you’d say no.

So he stopped asking, “drink this water.” He pulled the little water bottle from the back of his belt loop, the little tear drop shaped bottle fit perfectly in her hands.

You grasped the frosted bottle, it seemed familiar to you. You never got water in your cell, you’d have to suck on the floor after the doctor left; they’d always wake you up by dumping ice water on your head. Calloused fingers gripped and felt the bottle, something was happening in your brain that you couldn't quite understand, you were feeling something deep within you.

“Drink.” Bucky said again.

“Wait,” you whispered, all you saw was black form shutting your eyes so tight. You didn’t see Bucky’s face as he waited to see if this water bottle would trigger something from right before you were taken, this was the water bottle you had introduced to the group.

A picture was unfolding in your head, it was a big room with people all around. There was a couch that some were sitting on while one stood in front of them, the one standing was smiling. The people on the couch were leaned in to listen, some held their chin in their hand as they too, were also smiling. The little bottle of water you were holding was also in this picture, the one standing seemed to be presenting it like a game show host, showing it off as if it was new. The picture began to move and the people standing took a seat next to another person, they cuddled close and began whispering to each other with iggles in between. A pen made its way across the couch and ended up at the two who looked like a couple, one wrote a heart next to their name while the other did it normally.

Your eyes shot open at the sound of the pop, you were squeezing the bottle so hard it exploded. Your eyes frantically searched around and when they landed on the other set of eyes in the room you lunged for a hug.

“Bucky!” you screamed, “thank you!” You wrapped your arms around him so tight. Bucky hesitated before clinging to you like a life source, “I thought it would’ve taken you longer,” you sighed into his touch.

“We left you there for too long,” Bucky whispered, his face his deep in your neck.

You pulled away with tears in your eyes, you looked to him but he kept looking down, “is there something on my nose?” you asked, Bucky was looking between your eyes and nose. Your finger went to touch but pulled away at the feeling of something dangling, “what is that?” you screamed and felt it again.

“It’s the injection side effect, I think.” Bucky added he felt around your face to try and see if you were actually real or if this was some sick joke Wanda was playing on him.

“What injection? They just took my blood once so far,” you shrugged and felt the back on your head, “there was a scab there before, it hurts like crazy, like a pulsing thing.'' You brought your other hand back to try and find that scab you felt what seemed like hours ago. Your hair felt dirtier than the last time you remembered, it was one big clump when you moved it.

“Sit down.” Bucky said, you moved back on the seat without a second thought.

With wide eyes you looked up to Bucky, “I didn’t want to sit...Bucky what did you do?” you asked, it looked like you were glued there as you tried to get off.

“What day is it?” Bucky asked cautiously, his hands coming back to cup your face.

“September twenty third, I didn’t hit my head it’s not a con-”

“It's October third.” Bucky breathed out, “oh my god…” he whispered and pulled you into another hug, he gently rubbed your back as you stayed rigid in his hold.

The plane began to drop and Bucky knew it was just landing but with everything rushing against you like a title wave it felt like the plane was crashing. Bucky held you tight as you slashed around in his grip, pleads to any higher power you could think of to keep you alive didn’t seem to work. The plane froze and you stayed gripped to Bucky, he brought you out of the medical room. The three others just looked at you, not wanting to get their hopes up. But when you ran over to them and asked what day it was they seemed to be more disappointed, they just pulled you in for a hug and tried to calm you down like Bucky did.

All at once medical staff open the jet doors, people rushing to you and you. Bucky was trying to cut through the crowd to get to you but medical staff were getting in the way and holding him back, he could see your frantic search for him.

“You’re gonna trigger her, s-stop, this isn’t-”

A medical staff member flew back and knocked a few others over, everyone began to calm down and slow their moments. You were right over the person you pushed trying to help them up, apologizing profusely, they kept moving back and away from you.

“Y-you were holding a needle, I’m sorry.” you eased.

“Sedate her!” another yelled.

You ran down and out of the jet to try and get away from the many needles that, what seemed like, every medical member was holding. There was just noise surrounding you, vision began to tunnel right when the pounding in your ears began, at the back of your head there seemed to be a knife stabbing you.

“Get a gurney!” the voice cut through the shouts and chasing.

Everything stopped and you froze from your worried state to complete your mission, someone ordered you to find a gurney, you must complete it. There was one waiting outside, you walked over with your back straight and your chin up. There was no need to look behind you shoulder but you did so anyway to make sure no threats were also in need of the gurney, everyone behind you was just still and watched you. This must be a test, after that realization you did everything quickly and efficiently to avoid punishment.

When you brought the gurney to the voice who shouted it they told you to get on as well, Bucky was by your side and offering an arm to help get on but you didn’t take it. People were shouting orders to one another and you kept trying to get up to fulfill the command but Bucky kept holding you down. Some medical staff were trying to shove him away but he stood his ground and kept a hand holding you.

“Why do I keep wanting to do all these things?” you frantically aske as you tried to stand again.

“I’ll explain later, don’t worry,” he squeezed your hand as you made it into your exam room. Hands felt all around you, the lab coat was long forgotten so you sat on the table naked. Bucky was right against the wall and kept an eye on you, though your brain was next to scrambled eggs he could still read you like a book.

“We need to take some blood, might also need to give something to sedate her.” it was, what looked like, the head of this team that spoke.

Another picture flashed before your eyes. The needles and this blue liquid that went into you. Bucky had told you something called ‘ice’ but you didn’t know what that meant. Blood would be taken from you then without you looking, they would stick whatever serum Bucky was talking about in your arm. Voices and sounds rushed into your head as these pictures moved and changed to show that you weren’t there for as long as you thought you were, in your mind a different doctor repeated the same motions over and over and over again. You were covered in water and somebody was talking over you from inside of the cell, their voice seemed as though they too were underwater so you couldn’t quite make out what they were saying, but one part stood out. They were saying how they did this all without you noticing, how you were too confident, how you were strong and yet you’d look away from the needles when they were stuck into your arm.

All of these people who you failed to remember that were surrounding you now, all had needles and some had already taken your blood, but you were going to be cautious now, you were going to be aware because you didn’t want to forget everything again. Before anyone could stick anything else in you, your arms flew out to the side and gripped as many syringes as you could, they were smashed to the ground and the clear liquid spilled and dripped on the floor. People were beginning to hold you down but you broke free from their dead grass pushing away the velcro straps that were about to go around your ankles and wrists.

Someone managed to get a strap on your left ankle without you noticing, that sensation of being cuffed made another picture float in your mind. It was a large metal contraption with silver Cuban links and five cuffs, two around your wrists, two around your ankles, and the final one went around your neck. Once they were all attached to you, you were suspended in the air as your entire body weight was being held up by your limbs and neck, even though only one bound was attached to you now, you could still feel the weight of all of it crashing back onto you.

With one large tug the Velcro cuff snapped, you tried to get up and off the table to run to Bucky, he was the only one left in the room that you knew and trusted. He was also trying to make his way to you simultaneously, reading the fear etched deep into your eyes. No medical staff was trying to hold him back so he ripped through all of them and got to you quickly, you couldn’t really hear what he was saying because the pounding in your head that was pinpointed right at the back of your neck was starting to pound into your ears. But you could make out his lips that were moving, you can remember faintly kissing them, the feeling was on the tip of your tongue but you couldn’t quite make out what it really felt like. He was telling you it was going to be okay, at one point he said that you could sleep now and that he’d be there when you wake up, you really didn’t want to trust him but you were so tired and your head hurt so bad.

You didn’t even see or feel the syringe plunge deep into the crook of your neck as he held your face and made your eyes look right into his.

Winter Makes Ice tag list: @small-death-and-codeine @commonintrest @buckyys-doll @lil-baby-nor

let me know if you want a tag!!!

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bbyboybucket · 3 years ago

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Rating terrible mcu tiktoks I’ve seen today, part 1:

- a Tony and Y/N POV, we’re he’s her dad and says she’s not pretty and then it cuts to Gamora’s death scene and says Y/N kills herself.

1000/10 so quirky of Y/N 🤪 yess queen, you really showed him 😚😍 love when Tony calls his daughter ugly, so in character for him 🥺❤️

- POV where Y/N is Olivia Rodrigo and immortal and Steve is in love with her bc she sings so good.

11/10, we love being an immortal teenager 🤪 way to find a loophole around pedophilia 🥰🥰

- POV where Y/N starts singing about how she wants to kill Bucky and everyone else is like “omg Y/N 🥺 stop, you’re so scary” (that’s literally the dialogue not kidding)

15000/10, we love a singing murderous gal 😩 so quirky to kill him in front of our friends 😍✨

- POV where Y/N is Ariana grande and is doing an impression of Bucky.

I can’t even make a joke about this one. It’s literally too wtf to even rate. I can’t even- 🥴⁉️

- Y/N is a 17 year old demon and the avengers get Thor so they can kill her ig???

Bestie, what???? 🤠 I mean 10/10 for being a demon ig 😩😍

That’s all for today bc I literally cannot handle anymore

#mcu tiktok #the bane of my existence #tony stark #Bucky barnes #avengers #avengers x y/n #Steve Rogers #Thor #I wanna die everytime I see one of these #maybe we should bring back bullying #jk the people making these are prolly literal children

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buckyalpine · 2 years ago

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Satiated

18+

Dark!Bucky x reader, mommy kink, dub con, manipulation, lactation kink, Bucky is a freak and tbh so am I.

This thot popped into my head and I cannot exist in peace if I don’t put it put into the world. If you read this and wonder why I’m such a screwed up person, I ask myself that on a daily basis, way ahead of you bb, don’t worry.

He loved your innocence. Your warm energy. Your soft voice. Whenever you spoke, he wanted to lay in your lap and hear you speak for hours while you played with his hair, giving him the gentle love he’d never felt before.

He managed to lure you into him so easily, your sweet and gentle nature taking him in immediately, wanting to make him feel better in any way possible. Now that he finally had you, he wasn’t going to let you go, relishing in the way you were always so perfect for him, giving him everything he needed.

“Feed my mommy” Bucky plucked the book you were reading out of your hand, placing it on the bedside table as he pawed at your breasts, his eyes hungry with lust. He tossed your top off, groaning at the way your nipples hardened feeling the cool air. “Need mommys milk”

You gasped at the outline of his cock straining against his sweats as he laid across your lap, flicking his tongue across your nipple before sealing his lips around your breast, softly suckling, his eyes closed. Nothing made him feel better than the way your hands would hesitantly card through his hair like he taught you, your other hand gently rubbing his tummy.

His mommy knew exactly how to take care of her baby.

“If only these were actually full baby, bet you’d have the sweetest warmest milk” Bucky groaned, taking your nipple back into his mouth, his eyes rolling back at the way your peaked bud felt on his tongue. “M’so hungry for you mama”

He took your hand, bringing it down to his crotch, making you grab his boner, rutting his hand against your palm.

“C’mon mommy, take care of your baby” He taunted, hooking his thumb around the waistband of his sweats, pulling them down just enough to pull his cock out. “Please, it’s so hard mommy”

He gave you a faux pout, his cock flexing and jumping against his abs, begging for attention. You couldn’t help but feel butterflies erupt in your belly at the way he bucked his hips up, your body craving him while your mind raced.

“It’s so full, leaking so much, make it stop mama” He took your hand, wrapping it around his cock, guiding you to stroke him while he went back to nursing, groaning as you continued to jerk his cock, precum making a mess on your hand.

“Feels good mommy” Bucky moaned, his eyes locked with yours, his lips pink and swollen, “making your baby boy feel so good” He thrusted his hips up, fucking himself in your fist, shamelessly smirking while he nipped at your breasts that hung by his face, his balls heavy and full. “See?” He took your hand to cup his balls, biting his lip, making you pull and tug them while he desperately suckled your breasts, “Balls feel so full and heavy, only you can make it better mommy”

He took your hand to stroke him again, moaning against your nipped as you gave him languid strokes, his cock slick with his arousal.

“Mommy, gonna cum” he moaned, bucking his hips more, urging you to go faster, “Stroke me faster, harder, hurts, you made me so horny mama, help me make it all better” You couldn’t help the way your skin heated up seeing the way he lost himself at your touch, your panties slowly growing damp. You knew he needed this, the world had been so unkind to him, he needed your softness to help him feel better.

“Can I cum?” You knew the innocent puppy look on his face was just a game, he wasn’t actually asking, you could feel his cock harden in his hand, A flash of arrogance in his eyes, waiting for you to say yes so he could make a big mess for you and fall asleep in your lap.

“C-cum baby” You whispered, grazing his scalp while you jerked the head of his cock, his eyes rolling back, chest rising and falling, his balls throbbing.

“M’gonna cum just for you mommy, this is all for you, oh fuck, fuck, m’cumming!” Cum burst from the head of his cock, warm white liquid covering his tummy and spilling onto your hand, his length still rock hard, “keep touching me there, don’t stop, don’t let go, keep-keep touching me like that mama” Bucky’s moans were reduced to whines and whimpers as you gently squeeze every drop of cum out of his cock.

He took your hand in his, guiding you to milk out every drop, his cock soft and slick, overstimulated and sensitive as you let him ride out his orgasm, cum dripping onto the sheets.

“Thank you mama” He let out a satisfied hum, going back to sucking your nipple, this time burying his face into your breasts, while cupping the other, smiling at the feeling of the soft cloth that gently wiped him down before tugging his sweats back up.

Such a perfect mommy.

Anyways.

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onceuponastory · 3 years ago

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yes, professor - professor!bucky x reader (SMUT)

I get dirty thoughts about you They get worse when I'm without you Does that mean that I'm going to hell? Or are you thinking them as well? - dirty thoughts by chloe adams

Plot: Ever since the extremely attractive Professor Bucky Barnes moved next door, Y/N has been lusting over him ever since, yet is resigned to the fact that the talks they have over their fences is the closest thing that she has to being his. But one morning, Bucky’s interesting fashion choice awakens something within them both. Pairing: Professor!Bucky x Female!Reader Warnings: 18+ ONLY PLEASE. This is a smutty fic! Mentions of: unprotected vaginal sex, slight degradation kink, spanking, masturbation, orgasms and blowjobs. If I miss any triggers, please let me know. Notes: So, ever since the L’Officiel Homme photoshoot that Sebastian did came out, I just KNEW I had to write something based on his looks in it, and this is what came to mind! This is my first time writing full smut (aka, something that actually involves them having sex) and it’s not beta’d so all mistakes are my own. Once again, credit to @firefly-graphics and @maysdigitalarts for the dividers/banners!

Opening her front door, Y/N steps out into the warm mid-morning air, walking towards her post box to pick up her mail. As she walks towards it, she can hear the front door of her neighbour Professor Bucky Barnes opening. She sighs. Ever since Bucky moved next door to her, he’s been the bane of her existence. He’s not a horrible neighbour or anything. Far from it, actually. Bucky is a wonderful neighbour. He always helps her bring in her grocery bags or packages if she‘s struggling to carry them, checks on her whenever she’s been feeling sick, and greets her with a friendly smile whenever he sees her. When it comes to neighbours, Y/N swears she’s lucked out.

The issue is that Professor Bucky Barnes is too fucking hot for his own good. As a literature professor at an esteemed university, he frequently comes to and from work dressed in fancy three-piece suits or sweaters, a pair of glasses perched on his nose and multiple folders and books clutched in his arms. Y/N swears that every time she sees Bucky, he’s somehow even hotter than the last time that she saw him. She has no idea how that’s possible, but Bucky still manages it. Even though Y/N knows that one of Bucky’s suits probably costs more than her entire monthly paycheck, she can’t help imagining herself peeling every single part of them off him.

A part of her wonders why Bucky ever moved next door to her when he can clearly afford something much better than a house like hers. But then again, given that she gets to stare at her beautiful neighbour and picture fucking him almost every hour of the day, she’s not complaining. So yes, Y/N has no problem with Bucky as a neighbour. In reality, the only problem she has with Bucky is that he’s gorgeous. So gorgeous, in fact, that Y/N found herself falling deeply in love with him.

“Morning Y/N!” Bucky’s voice calls to her from the other side of their fence. Y/N gives him a small wave, too busy looking through her mail to look up. It’s only after she hears a cry of:

“WELL. My goodness, Mr Barnes!” From one of their other neighbours that she looks up to see what the issue is. Considering the voice came from Susan, the neighbour who makes it her personal mission to complain about everyone and everything, Y/N is expecting something like Bucky hasn’t raked his leaves properly or another ridiculous issue. However, when she does look up, what she sees is absolutely not what she was expecting.

Bucky stands there, wearing only his underwear, coat and glasses. Y/N gasps, almost dropping her mail. Bucky’s bare, toned chest is out on full display...and all she wants to do is touch it. Her eyes go even lower, so low that she can see parts of his happy trail peeking through. She swears that she can also almost see the outline of his cock through his underwear. Y/N’s mouth goes dry, and she can’t stop staring at him. Holy fuck. Where the hell has Bucky been hiding these abs from her? He just got even hotter. “Morning, Susan.” Bucky calls with another wave, either completely oblivious to or not caring why she’s so mad.

“I really think you should be dressed more appropriately, especially at this time of day! Have some decency!” She splutters. Without another word, Bucky looks up, glancing up and down their cul de sac.

“Nobody is out right now except us.” Bucky responds. Y/N would laugh at the comment, but she’s too distracted by Bucky’s body. As Susan continues to rant at him, Bucky pays her no attention, pushing his glasses further up his nose as he starts to go through his mail. “Mhmm…yeah. Okay.” He mumbles along to her complaints.

Meanwhile, Y/N stands there, still transfixed by Bucky’s body. He’s so much hotter than she thought. She can feel herself becoming more and more aroused as she watches Bucky, and the heat rises throughout her body. Her mind fills with dirty thoughts about all the things she wants to do to Bucky and what she wants him to do to her. “I think she’s talking to you.” Bucky whispers, pulling her out of her thoughts. He gestures his head towards Susan. Heat rises throughout Y/N’s body, settling on her cheeks. Hopefully, he didn’t notice her staring at him like a weirdo. Sighing, Y/N turns to face her, trying to push out all the mental images she has in her mind.

“Well? What do you have to say about this?!” Susan demands.

“...I-I don’t think it’s that bad.” Y/N admits. “I mean, it’s his house. He’s just out here to get the mail. It’s not like he’s going to work or anything.” Bucky nods. “And he’s definitely hot enough to get away with wearing that….” She trails off, whispering under her breath and hoping Bucky doesn’t hear. Susan gets even angrier at this, spluttering and throwing out some threats of calling the police.

“Don’t you worry, I’ll be going right back inside after this. Y/N can vouch for me, right?” Bucky asks, and Y/N nods. “Good girl.” Bucky winks, and Y/N can feel her legs going shaky. So shaky that she has to stop herself from almost dropping to her knees and sucking Bucky’s dick right there and then.

“Well…if you agree with him and think this kind of thing is appropriate, well, that means you must be some dirty whore too!” Susan accuses, pointing an accusatory finger at Y/N. Almost immediately, Bucky’s face darkens. He steps forward towards Susan. Y/N’s heart rate rises.

“No.” Bucky speaks, his voice deeper and more forceful. “You can say whatever the hell you want about me because I don’t give a single fuck what your opinion is of me. But don’t ever bring Y/N into this. She’s done nothing wrong.” Oh, if only he knew what she was thinking right now. “Now, I suggest you leave our properties before I call the police and have you removed for verbal assault.”

“Y-You can’t do that, I-”

“Try me.” Bucky responds. Y/N watches as the whole situation unfolds, smiling. She’s always wanted to put that bitch in her place, and Bucky doing it to defend her somehow makes her even more attracted to him. She wonders if this is how Bucky sounds when he disciplines his students. If it is, then she’s got a few ideas on how to misbehave. With a few more angry curse words, Susan storms off, vowing to make sure they’ll regret it. Bucky strolls back up the path, grinning.

“Wow. That was amazing. I’ve wanted to do that for a long time.” Y/N giggles, still in awe. Bucky shrugs.

“Eh, that was nothing. I’m used to it at my job. We get a lot of parents and students like her.” He explains, and she nods. “Are you alright?”

“Oh yeah, I’m fine. Don’t worry about it. I’m all good.” She replies, all her words coming out quicker than expected. Damn him and his attractive body. Bucky raises an eyebrow but says nothing. He heads back towards his door, but Y/N clears her throat, unwilling to stop their conversation just yet. And besides, there’s something she wants to ask him. “Bucky? Can I ask you something? You don’t have to answer, though.” Bucky raises an eyebrow, chuckling slightly.

“Okay….What is it?”

“Why are you dressed like that?” Bucky laughs, and Y/N blushes again, worrying that she’s overstepped the mark.

“I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't get back to sleep, so I decided to grade some papers…then I did fall asleep again and woke up to the mail van. I just threw on a jacket and ran out here to grab it. Obviously, I expected to just come back in again, and not deal with…that.” He replies, and Y/N laughs. He sleeps in his underwear? Good to know.

“True, true. In that case, I better let you get back to your grading. Bye, Bucky.” She replies, turning back towards her house, ready for the best wank of her life after that encounter. Y/N retreats into her house, quickly slamming the door behind her and rushing to her bedroom. She almost rips her jeans with the speed she takes them off, and she quickly jumps onto her bed. Her hands move into her underwear, and she begins to pleasure herself, picturing Bucky in her mind.

“Good girl.” His voice echoes, and she moans, picturing his body and smile. Her fingers move faster, intensifying her pleasure.

“Bucky…Bucky….” She mumbles, moaning his name as if it’s the sweetest sound she’s ever heard. Images of Bucky’s cock fill her mind, and she pictures him thrusting into her. Her body shivers, and she grips her quilt with her free hands, curling her toes against the fabric. God, Susan’s right. She is a whore.

“Are you ready for your punishment, you whore?” Bucky’s voice speaks, and Y/N whimpers. “There you go. Nice and easy….” She can feel herself getting close to finishing, and she quickly bites down on a pillow to quiet her scream of Bucky’s name as the orgasm rocks her body and she finishes all over her bedsheets. Panting, Y/N leans back against the headboard, letting herself calm down. She’s sure that was the horniest she’s ever been for Bucky. And now she’s ruined her bedsheets because of it. Despite this, however, Y/N can’t help but smile. That was good.

God knows what would happen if she was actually with Bucky.

That night, Y/N takes her freshly washed bedsheets and underwear out of the washing machine, hanging them on her drying rack, wondering if staining your bed sheets with cum because you’re too attracted to your neighbour is listed as a potential issue you might have with your neighbour. If it’s not, it should be. A knock at the door pulls her out of her thoughts, and she goes to open it, hoping it’s not Susan coming to scream at her again.

However, to her surprise, Bucky is the one standing there, smirking slightly. “Oh! Hey Bucky. What’s up? Need some sugar or something?” Her eyes glance down. Bucky is dressed in a red t-shirt, one so tight that his muscles are incredibly well defined. Y/N’s breath hitches in her throat. God, she swears this man is trying to kill her. “Hey, you managed to put a shirt on!” She jokes. Bucky only lets out a small chuckle. Y/N flushes. Well, that joke fucking crashed and burned. Bucky stands there, staring at her intently. Y/N frowns, wondering what it is he wants. “Bucky? Are you alright?” She asks.

“I have a question to ask you.” He answers finally, his voice making her jump a little. She nods, wondering what it is that Bucky wants to know. “Were you…wanking over me?” He asks, and her embarrassment intensifies once again. Oh god. There’s no way. She has to be dreaming or something. Seeing her mortified expression, Bucky grins. “I knew it.”

“How did you….” Y/N trails off.

“I could hear you. You really need to be quieter.” Bucky smirks. “Oh, don’t worry. I feel the same way about you…and I quite like the idea of you screaming my name.” He leans in close, gently pressing a kiss to her lips. Feeling Bucky’s lips against hers makes her go weak. “In fact…I want to hear it some more.”

Y/N takes Bucky’s hand without another word, leading him inside and towards her bedroom, still slightly in belief that this is actually happening. Bucky notices her bedding and underwear on the drying rack and chuckles. “Oh, you were excited by me, weren’t you, you slut?” Y/N’s entire body shivers at those words, which makes Bucky smirk.

“Well, what do you expect me to do when you come outside in just a jacket and underwear?” Y/N responds. The pair finally reach her bedroom, and the second the door closes behind them, Bucky’s lips are on hers again. He kisses her hungrily, and she moans happily. His hands move down, and he begins to unbutton her shirt and bra.

Once her breasts are free, Bucky cups them, tracing his fingers along them and causing goosebumps to rise along the skin. “You’re so beautiful….” He whispers, gently kissing her skin. Y/N moans happily. She’s dreamt of this moment for a long time, and now it’s finally happening. Y/N begins to remove Bucky’s shirt. Once it’s off, she stares at his bare chest. It somehow looks even better up close. Reaching out a few fingers, her eyes flicker up to Bucky, wordlessly asking if it’s okay for her to continue. Bucky nods.

Y/N tenderly runs her fingers along Bucky’s abdomen, her fingers tracing each abs outline. Bucky smiles. His lips return to hers, and the kiss deepens again. Y/N can feel Bucky pulling down her pyjama shorts, gently cupping her ass as he does. His mouth moves lower, kissing as he goes until he reaches her shoulder. She can feel Bucky’s cock getting bigger, pressing against her inner thigh, making her feel even hornier.

As if he knows how she’s feeling, Bucky lifts her up, carrying her to her bed and placing her down on her pillows. Propping herself up on her elbows, Y/N watches as Bucky removes his trousers. Her eyes trail lower and lower to his crotch, and she bites her lip, feeling herself getting wetter. Bucky leans down, grabbing the hem of her panties and pulling them down. He opens her legs, peering down at her.

“God, you’re still wet for me? Even after earlier?” Bucky tuts. “Susan was right. You really are a whore, aren’t you? …Bad girl.” Those words make her entire body shiver again. Somehow, Bucky calling her a whore is the sweetest sound in the world.

“Yes, Bucky.” She replies, her voice becoming increasingly strained as she can feel herself getting wetter. Bucky shakes his head, tutting again. Y/N grips her bedsheets once more, gazing up at Bucky. She just wants him to fuck her.

“I didn’t spend all that time and money to get my title just for you to use my first name. Try again.” He orders. Y/N almost whimpers at the sound of his forceful voice.

“Yes, Professor.” Bucky raises an eyebrow. “…Professor Barnes.”

“Good girl.” He grins. He stands there, looking at her as she squirms on the bed, waiting for him. Waiting to be fucked. Y/N’s starting to feel like she’s about to explode if she isn’t fucked soon. She looks up, gazing into his blue eyes. “Oh, I know what you want….” He smirks. “But you’ve been bad, haven’t you?”

“No…no. I only thought of you. N-Nobody else.” Y/N whimpers. Bucky tuts.

“Even so, I think you deserve to be punished.” Seeing the look that crosses Y/N’s face at that moment, he grins. “Oh yes…I definitely need to punish you. Turn over.” He orders. When she doesn’t move quickly enough for him, he repeats his order, his voice deeper and darker. Y/N flips over, her bare ass raised in the air. She knows what’s coming.

When his hand hits her bare ass, she yelps loudly, her entire body jolting forward slightly. “I really am sorry, darling.” Bucky calls, not even giving her a moment to prepare before his hand hits her ass again, causing her to yelp once more. “But it has to be done until you learn.” He spanks her a few more times, listening as her screams and whimpers continue. Y/N can feel that her ass is stinging, and she knows it is probably already marked…but she’d be lying if she said she didn’t enjoy the sensation. In fact, it’s making her even hornier. “Are you sorry now? Will you be good?” Bucky asks.

“Yes, Professor.” The words fall off her tongue without a second thought.

“Good girl.” Bucky picks her up, his touch sending shivers throughout her body. He turns her over, letting her rest on her bed for a moment. Despite how much he punished her earlier, his touch is surprisingly gentle, and he peppers her cheek with kisses, as if he’s apologising for hurting her. Bucky’s care for her makes her smile.

Bucky looks down at her one last time, biting his lip slightly. “Ready?” He asks, and she nods.

“Always.” She whispers. She’s been ready for this moment ever since Bucky moved in next door. Grinning, Bucky pulls down his underwear, his erection finally freed. Y/N gasps. He’s so big. Much bigger than she expected. Bucky finally climbs on top of her and inserts himself into her. Once he’s inside, Bucky doesn’t waste any time, and he begins thrusting into her before she can even speak. She moans happily as he does so.

“Faster Bucky…faster.” She begs. Bucky shakes his head.

“Uh uh.” He tuts. “I decide the pace.” He shuts her up with another spank. Y/N says no more, too overrun with ecstasy to even argue anymore. Bucky continues thrusting into her, gently peppering her with kisses as he does so. He kisses her softly and sweetly, despite how much he’s been punishing her. She can feel the orgasm building inside of her, and she leans back, signalling for Bucky to continue, which he does. He lifts her legs, and she wraps them around his waist. Bucky’s fingers trace down her legs, and she shivers.

“Oh, you’ve wanted this for a long time, haven’t you?” He asks. She nods.

“Yes, Professor.” She repeats once more, her voice breathless. Grinning, Bucky continues to thrust into her, and Y/N grips the bedsheets even tighter, so tighter her knuckles go white. “Fuck, I’m so close…I’m going to-” She whimpers.

“I know.” Bucky replies. “You’re almost there.”

Sure enough, Y/N comes only a few moments later. She screams out Bucky’s name as the orgasm rocks her body. This one is even more exhilarating than the one before, and it makes her scream even louder, so loud that she swears that the whole world can hear her. And the fact that Bucky is right beside her makes her feel even better. Bucky kisses her again, still breathless. “That was…perfect.” He gasps, falling beside her. “You’re perfect.” She feels some pride at that.

“God, I love you.” She whimpers. “I’m so glad you moved in next door.” Bucky smiles.

“Me too….” He whispers. “So much.”

TAGLIST: @midnightf, @late-to-the-party-81 and @buckysboobs

#bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #Bucky Barnes x female reader #professor!bucky barnes #bucky x you #bucky x reader #bucky x y/n #bucky x Female Reader

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fabricated-misslieness · 4 years ago

Text

pairing: james bucky barnes x male reader

req: yes | wc: 1.37 | cw: enemies to lovers, slight nsfw ending, swearing | 16+

anon: Can you write an enemies to lovers with Bucky Barnes and male reader with a slight nsfw? 👉👈❤ (if not then just an enemies to lovers👉👈❤)

a/n: enemies to lovers are amazing but hard to write

James Bucky Barnes, the Winter Soldier and bane of your existence.

You don’t know just why you hated him; in fact, you had some similarities, yet he still managed to piss you off just by breathing.

Everything about him was so damn irritating.

You’re sure he hated you too, but he never showed it as much as you did. You suppose that’s one of the ways he wins your arguments, he’s always calmer than you, less affected. He makes your blood boil but you can barely even make him mad.

Pathetic, really.

“What are you doing here?” You just wanted to train, you just wanted to go to the gym and work out in peace. Was that too much to ask for?

“Can’t I workout?” He responds with a roll of his eyes.

You despised that. Still, you had no real excuse to kick him out of the gym, nor did you want to leave just because of his presence.

As you do your thing, your weights, you can feel his stare on your back.

“What the fuck do you want, Barnes?” It’s until he’s looked you up and down that he snaps out of it. However, this time, unlike other times, he looks ashamed.

But he still bites his damn lip. “Spit it out.”

He looks back at you, eyebrows furrowed. “Spit what out?” His voice doesn’t give you any hints as to what he feels, and shit, you hate it.

“Whatever you have to say.”

He scoffs, “I have nothing to say.”

“Clearly, you do.” He groans frustratingly, pissed off by your bullshit. Still, he says nothing, gives you no insult, doesn’t tell you how angry he is.

“I don’t.” Even if he doesn’t voice it, his actions say everything. “Look, if my presence bothers you that much, I’ll just leave.”

“Good!”

“Good.”

“It’s his damn stare, Sam.”

“I know, right?!” Sam laughs. The Falcon had as much of a grudge as you did with Bucky, except they could cooperate with each other much better than you could. Still, you bonded over it.

“But, be honest with me, (y/n). It’s not just the stare, is it?” His tone is suggestive, in a flirty kind of way. You’re repulsed at the thought of being intimate with the Winter Soldier, but as much as you despise him, your chest also warms up. You hope for hatred.

“What ever do you mean?”

“You know what I mean.” He replies. The warmth in your chest increases.

“Shut up, Sam.”

“Come on!” He gives you an accusatory look, with a smirk that you want to punch off his face. Why is Sam your friend, again? “He pisses you off on a whole nother level than he pisses me off. Even I can tell.”

“Ugh, well…” You began relaying everything you hated about him and what he did.

He was serious and headstrong, although humorous and reckless at the same time. All the things you hated about him were silly, but dammit you would stick with them.

His vibranium arm, it felt like a cheat code. You’re sparring, he beats you, you’re arm wrestling, he refuses to use his normal arm, you’re arguing, he threatens to slap you with it. It’s all because of his damn powerful arm.

At times when his voice is so expressionless, yet his face gives away everything. If he’s going to glare at you, he might as well straight up tell you everything he feels about you.

The way he bit his lip when he was holding back an insult, you just wanted him to say it. What’s holding him back? Is it that bad that he thinks it’s going to affect you?

And most of all, his stare. You hadn’t noticed it since Sam brought it up but every time you noticed it, it never failed to anger you. Without fail, he looks you up and down, sizing you up as if you were about to throw hands; hell, you wanted to throw hands.

“(y/n), buddy, pal, dude... I’m pretty sure that’s sexual tension.”

“What the fuck, Sam?”

“Hey!” He raises his hands in a surrender motion. “I hate the guy too, but that’s a different kind of stare. He’s checking you out.”

“Sam-”

“Ey, ey, hear me out here.” The statement is usually followed up by a lengthy and logical explanation, but Sam isn’t the most logical of people. He puts his hands on your shoulders as if he’s about to tell you his whole life story before saying, “You’re emotionally constipated.”

“Sam!” You groan.

He gives you an all-knowing look. “You know it’s true.”

You roll your eyes, shake off his hands and walk out the room angrily. As you do, Sam shouts at you, “You can’t run from the truth, (y/n)!”

You don’t know how you ended up here. You don’t know when you and Barnes got so close that you could see every little detail of his face. You don’t know why you needed to be up in his face in the first place.

All you knew was that you were angry and you wanted to punch the Winter Soldier.

“It’s not my fault you pushed me under a literal bus!”

“It’s not my fault you’re a literal supersoldier!”

This was why you shouldn’t be put in the same mission without a mediator, hell, just together! If it wasn’t for his mistakes, and if it wasn’t for yours, the mission would’ve been fulfilled.

Any other person would’ve been good for the job.

At some point, he slapped you - with his non-metal arm. At some point, you balled up his shirt and pulled him towards you so that you scream in each other’s faces even closer.

At some point, you stopped shouting.

Your talk earlier that week with Sam sprung back into your mind. God, that motherfucker was right. Bucky glanced down, at your lips. His eyes snapped up to your eyes just as quick but they kept trailing down then back up.

Normally, this would’ve pissed you off, but at the moment, you were doing the same thing.

“Fuck.” He mutters. The movement of his lips causes them to brush against yours… this was torture, it really was. You wanted to lean forward, kiss him; every fiber of your being told you to pull away, but everything told you to lean in at the same time.

“Fucking kiss me, coward.” That was your pushing point.

Despite you initiating the kiss, he kisses you with a fervor surely fueled by his anger. You don’t know how long it lasts, but by the time you pull apart, you’re both desperate for air.

“I like you, you idiot.” Bucky’s voice is softer now. His eyebrows furrow, though the gesture is no longer irritating to look at.

Instead of giving a reply, you kiss him again. His lips are gentle and tender, yet they’re chapped at the same time. It’s not a nice texture to be kissing, but you weren’t being nice either.

As you get lost into the kiss, your grip on his shirt falters. He takes both your hands, delicately, and brings them together to hook around his waist. His own settle on your hair, tugging you as close to him as possible.

“Do you like me too?” He sounds desperate.

“I-” Your chest warms up, like it always does around him; and fuck, you realize it’s not anger, but attraction. He looks absolutely beautiful. “Does the kissing not tell you enough?”

“No,” He doesn’t banter with you. “tell me how you feel.”

Your heart tells you yes, your brain tells you yes, you like him and you want him. “I like you.”

Bucky smiles genuinely, but it’s not long before his face changes entirely. His eyes are half-lidded, and he smiles lazily yet playfully as he hooks a leg around your hip and pulls you closer to him. The grunt you let out as your pelvises press against each other only spurs him on.

The only space between you two is now between your lips, but he’s soon to seal that too.

Neither of you care that you’re at an alleyway out in public, despite that, neither of you bother to move.

He wants your right here, right now, and nothing’s stopping him.

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #winter soldier x reader #winter soldier x male reader #bucky x male reader #bucky barnes x male reader #enemies to lovers #🧵nsfw⚠️#anonymousrequest

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sweet-demiboi · 3 years ago

Text

Request rules:

I don’t write for heterosexual relationships.

I write for female x female, male x male, non-binary x every gender.

I also would write for ftm or mtf, if you want it.

My english is... probably bad at some points, so please be gentle with me XD

I will write smut if you want (I actually like it). At this point: If you’re non-binary and you have a woman’s body: I will write for you and a male (or another non-binary with a man’s body, or another woman, you got me).

I only write smut for people, who are older than 16 (in the story).

I like to be creative in every genre, I guess, but I haven’t written angsty stuff yet (but I’m open for it) and I’m not good at bad ends...

You can describe yourself as specific as you want, for example what nationality you have, or skincolor, or anything else.

Requests are CLOSED RN

NOTE: When a character's name is orange I DO NOT write for them at the moment.

Who I write for:

Marvel:

Peter Parker

Warren Worthington III

Loki Laufeyson

Thor Odinson

Natasha Romanoff

Wanda Maximoff

Pietro Maximoff

Tony Stark

Valkyrie

Bucky Barnes

Sylvie Laufeysdottir

Celebrities:

Tom Holland

Tom Hiddleston

Zendaya

Thomas Brodie-Sangster

Dylan O'Brien

Harrison Osterfield

Henry Cavill

Ben Hardy

Harry Potter:

Hermione Granger

Sirius Black (young)

Remus Lupin (young)

James Potter (young)

Lily Evans (young)

Regulus Black (young)

+ Poly: Wolfstar, Jegulus

Maze runner:

Newt

Thomas

Brenda

+ Poly: Newtmas

The hobbit:

Thorin Oakenshield <3

Kili Durin

Fili Durin

Thranduil

+ Poly: Bagginshield

Lord of the rings:

Aragorn

Arwen

+ Poly: Aralas

The witcher:

Geralt

Jaskier

Ciri

+ Poly: Geraskier

Helluva boss:

Stolas

Blitzo

+ Poly: Stolas x Blitzo

Love, Victor:

Mia Brooks <3

Benji Campbell

Hawaii Five-O:

Steve McGarrett

Danny Williams

Tani Rey

Shadowhunters:

Alexander 'Alec' Lightwood

Magnus Bane

Jace Lightwood

Clary Fairchild

+ Poly: Malec, Jace x Simon, Clizzy

Merlin:

Arthur Pendragon

Sir Gwaine

Merlin

+ Poly: Merthur

Chronicles of Narnia:

Edmund Pevensie

Prince Caspian

The goldfinch:

Boris Pavlikovsky

+ Poly: Boris x Theo

Stranger Things:

Eddie Munson

Billy Hargrove

+ Poly: Mungrove

Wednesday:

Enid Sinclair

Bohemian Rhapsody/Queen:

Roger Taylor

Brian May

Gwilym Lee!Brian May

Ben Hardy!Roger Taylor

+ Poly: Brian x Roger

6 Underground:

Billy/Four

Masterlist

The hobbit:

Thorin

Thorin with an introverted boyfriend

Thorin with a jealous boyfriend

Thorin being attracted to his smoking boyfriend

Thorin with a boyfriend who can transform into a horse

Love at first sight

Arachnophobia is a bitch

Thorin with an angel boyfriend

Thorin with his FtM!Pregnant!Husband

Marvel:

Peter Parker

Little chat #1

Little chat #2

Studying with Peter

Loki

Bottom!Loki x Top!Male!Reader

Soft sex with Bottom!Loki

Loki with a boyfriend who can only sleep to noise

Little chat #1

Bucky Barnes

Wholesome smut

Thor

Thor with a boyfriend who is the god of wisdom

Mixed

Loki/Peter/Tony/Thor x Male!Reader (also NSFW)

Celebrities:

Tom Holland

Little chat #1

Little chat #2

Little chat #3

Little chat #4

Little chat #5

Helluva boss:

Imagine being Stolas and Blitzo's boyfriend

Love, Victor:

Mia Brooks:

Being Mia's girlfriend

Shadowhunters:

Magnus Bane:

Magnus with his boyfriend but it's very gay

Alec Lightwood:

Alec Lightwood x Trans!Male!Reader

Merlin:

Sir Gwaine:

Little chat #1

Night activities

Candy hearts

(Y/N) is drowning but it's funny

Pregnant!Ftm!(Y/N) (and Gwaine being a sweet husband)

Merthur and Male!Reader x Gwaine fucking but no actual smut

Marauders:

Everyone:

Marauders comforting you after you were raped by your boyfriend

Stranger Things:

Billy Hargrove:

tease

smoking together for the first time

Male!Reader makes Billy question his sexuality pt.2 pt.3

Comforting Billy after he gets abused by Neil

Making out with Billy

Fucking Billy after pe class

Eddie Munson:

giving trans!Eddie a blowjob at a pool

Queen:

Roger Taylor:

you have sex for the first time after Roger gets back from tour

new name for trans!masc!(Y/N)

Sir Brian May:

Going to university with Brian (Trans!Male!Reader)

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extremelyblackandwhite · 3 years ago

Note

I think I need a Drabble with rockstar Bucky and his baby 🥲❤️

pairing: rockstar!bucky x popstar!reader

warnings: trauma

Bucky was yet to be alone with his son for the first time. In his mind, he realised that it was probably ridiculous that he, the baby's father, was yet to be alone with him for more than five minutes ever since he was born. Y/N was a hands on mother and had been enjoying spending as much time as she could with her baby. Bucky, on the other hand, wanted everything but to be alone with him. He spent time with the two of them and he absolutely loved his son, he just couldn't picture being left alone with him without his girlfriend being in the immediately vicinity. He had been successful for the past five months, until Valerie - the bane of his existence - had managed to get Y/N to leave the house for lunch.

- Jamie, you’ll be fine. - she reassured him, her hands cupping his face as he attempted yet again to escape having to be alone with his son. - He’s asleep and he’s probably gonna be asleep the whole time.

- What if he wakes up and he’s hungry? You’re not gonna be here!

- Jamie, that’s why we bought a breast pump. - she rolled her eyes. - You will be okay.

- Don’t go, please.

- He’s asleep, I fed him before and changed his diaper. There’s nothing you need to do but ensure he doesn’t get hurt.

- Why do you make it sound like it is an easy thing? Babies can get harmed on everything!

- You will do great, Jamie.

He wasn’t gonna be okay, he knew he was gonna be everything but okay; however, Y/N deserved some time away, time with Valerie no matter how much he disliked her. Nevertheless, she was gone and Bucky was left grappling with the baby monitor, looking at that screen looking for any sign of stirring or discomfort. Thankfully, he was still asleep. Bucky loved his son, he loved him with all he could; he just thought it’d be best if they weren’t left alone with each other. He didn’t know how to be a father, his own father hadn’t been much of one, seldom for the insult throwing and then later in life trying to leech off his money. He just thought it would be best if he didn’t spend too much alone time with his son; he didn’t want to end up traumatising him or falling into the same patterns his father had. It was fine when his girlfriend was around, Y/N’s maternity seemed to come natural to her and she would constantly walk around the home carrying her baby while describing the most mundane of things. For him? The only thing that had come to him when the baby was finally born was absolute terror.

He sat in the living room couch, the baby monitor displaying on the TV while he went through some agent and manager emails until the worse thing that could happen to him while she was away happened; the baby stirred. He watched in dismay until crying started to echo. No, no, no, no. He got up from the couch, making his way towards the baby’s room where he was crying.

- It’s okay, it’s okay. - he repeated, unsure if he was saying it to his son or to himself.

Ronan continued to cry, his fists holding the little blanket Y/N had left him with. Bucky rushed out of the room, grabbing one of the bottles from the fridge and putting it in the one of the several bottle warmers distributed all over the home. He leaned over the crib, trying to check for a wet or soiled diaper but no. It was the food, it had to be the food. The beep from the bottle warmer slightly calmed him down, he tested the temperature and attempted to feed his son. It was just that, it was just that; yet, as he gave him the bottle he merely refused to feed, pushing it away from him. His father had been right, he’d been right. He’d said he was gonna be just like him - a terrible father. He’s a terrible father, why can’t he soothe his son?

- Little seal, please. - he begged to his son but the baby only cried louder. Cheeks stained with tears as he kicked his legs and arms.

It was instinct, automatic. Bucky had never held his son if she wasn’t around but almost out of instinct, he took him from his crib, holding Ronan the best he could. The cries died down as the 3 month old stared at his dad, his chubby fist grabbing his jacket. He wasn’t entirely sure what he went through his mind but if it was for the first time all the terror vanished. His eyes looked down at his son before he held him closer, rocking him side to side. The baby coed, merely happy to be with his dad as he returned to the living room. He couldn’t stop staring at his son, even as the baby went back to sleep. It was as if something had clicked in him.

- Jamie? - the door slowly opened, a habit both of them had gained. Her gaze fell on her two boys. - Is Ronan okay?

- He was ... he was crying but he wasn’t hungry and the nappy was fine.

- I’ve never seen you held him before. - she shut the door, walking up to sit next to her. - What’s wrong?

- I wanna be good to him. - he pleaded with her. - I don’t, I just want to be good for him and make sure he’s happy.

- Is this about your dad?

- How am I supposed to know what to do if I didn’t have a father myself? How am I not gonna turn him into a version of me.

- James. - she leaned her head against his shoulder. - You knew he needed to be held. He’s asleep now.

- What if I can’t do this? You’re so good with him ...

- I’m terrified all the time. - she confessed. - But I love my son and I know you love him too. I think when you love someone, you just try not to harm them. You’re a great dad, Jamie.

- I don’t wanna ruin him.

- You could never ruin him.

#sebastian stan #bucky barnes

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wiypt-writes · 4 years ago

Text

Guilty As Charged

Guilty As Charged: Bucky Barnes One Shot

Summary: Defence Attorney James ‘Bucky’ Barnes is the absolute bane of your life…

Pairing: Lawyer AU Bucky Barnes x Reader (Frenemies!)

Warnings: Bad language words.

Word Count- Under 2k

A/N: This was originally posted on my old blog ages ago, but I’ve just given it a little polish and thought, seeing as I’m on the Bucky Train at the moment, I’d bring it back. Also, my knowledge on US Criminal Law is sketchy at best, so humour me…

Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. I do not own any characters in this bar reader and any other OCs that may or may not be mentioned. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer.

Bucky Barnes Masterlist // Main Masterlist

*******

In God We Trust, the words set about the Judge’s podium were fixed in your vision, motes of dust moving freely in the rays of sunlight which were streaming through the large, ornate windows of the court room and you took a deep breath, letting it out slowly, concentrating on expelling the nerves you were feeling with the air that left your mouth and lungs.

No matter how many times you were in this position, the reading of the verdict still got to you. Your gaze turned to the jury, as the judge did the same, that all important question ringing across the room, the air stiflingly tense.

“On the charge of murder in the first degree, do you find the defendant or not guilty"

“Not guilty.”

Fuck.

Cheers from the defendants family drowned out your loud groan as you rubbed at your temple. Looking over at your colleague, Sam, you shook your head in utter disbelief.

The judge continued through the remaining charges, second-degree murder and voluntary manslaughter, and your despair grew as the same verdict was returned for each.

You’d lost. And it stung, not merely because of your near perfect conviction rate, but for the family of the victim you were one-hundred percent convinced the accused.

"Y/N this wasn't your fault.” Sam stated in a low voice but you simply sighed again and shrugged.

"I was sure they'd see through his lies,” you glanced over to your right where the defence team, headed up by James Buchanan Barnes of Barnes and Rogers Law firm were shaking hand with each other and their defendant. Barnes' face was arranged in the usual smug look that you always had the urge to slap right off it. His partner, Steve, glanced over at you and gave you a genuine, sympathetic smile.

He’s always the most courteous out of the two, the one you actually didn’t mind dealing with when it came to cases.

"He fucking did it Y/N," Sam's voice was almost a growl, "I know he did."

"Well in the eyes of the law he didn’t." You stated, standing up.

The commotion continued behind you, as the defendant was told he was free to go. Making sure to keep your head down, you hastily shuffled your papers back into their respective files and packed your briefcase up. Picking up your jacket, you shrugged it on, smoothing down pencil skirt before you head to leave the courtroom before Barnes can pipe up with his usual smart ass quips. But you're not quite fast enough. "Commiserations Miss Y/LN, can't win em all." The familiar Brooklyn drawl hit your ears.

"Buck," Steve sighed "c'mon pal..."

You grit your teeth. You know you shouldn't rise to it, but you just can’t help it. The man is an utter jack ass in the courtroom. Spinning to face him, you shot him your best contemptuous glare, the one you always reserve for those people you really cannot stand, and looked at him like he was something you'd just trodden in.

"You know Barnes, there is such a thing as being gracious in victory as well as defeat." "Defeat?” He asked, looking at Steve with a puzzled expression on his face, “no, not sure what that is." "Eat shit.” You mumbled before turning to Sam who was stood behind you, watching the exchange. You nod to him and the two of you continued up the aisle towards the exit. The victim's family were congregated outside and all at once the start barraging you with questions.

"How did that happen?"

"You said it was a cert he would go down!”

"What about a private prosecution?”

You sighed and turn to look at them, you were exhausted. "I'm sorry.” You shook your head. “That new evidence that his attorney submitted, it was just threw too much of a doubt into the juries mind..." you held your hand up to gently silence them. “If you're serious about a private prosecution then I can meet you next week to discuss and put you in touch with a few people but I’m sorry, as far as the State’s involvement goes…I can’t do anymore."

Escaping as quickly as you could, you and Sam headed back to your office. After a short meeting with your boss, the District Attorney, who was as pissed as you were that the prosecution had failed, you emerged feeling twice as tired and battered as you had when you’d left the courtroom.

As Sam stated, there was only one thing left you could do. Drink alcohol. A lot of alcohol.

It was a short walk to your preferred bar, having decided to abandon your car and collect it in the morning. You were going to get drunk. Really drunk. "Hey Y/N, hey Sam." Clint, the bar tender greeted you. “I hear it wasn't a great day.” You looked up and saw he was pointing to the TV behind the bar. It was on a news channel, focussing on a report from earlier that afternoon which wasn’t surprising. The case had thrown up huge public interest ever since the body of the teenage girl has been found in the alleyway in Queens. The defendant confessed but somehow, the new evidence submitted was an alleged recording that the defence had gotten their hands on as proof the confession was taken under duress. If you were being totally honest, you had to admit that it didn't sound great, the officer did seem to be leaning heavily on the defendant, but the other evidence was, no, IS overwhelming.

But all it needed was that little seed of doubt, which the defence sowed expertly, and the jury couldn't convict. And now, thanks to Barnes and Rogers, specifically Barnes, in your mind a dangerous killer was walking free. As you stared at the television, you saw Barnes on the screen with the defendant, all smiles and Steve at his side. Barnes greeted the press with a raised hand. "Clint turn it over man." Sam almost pleaded and Clint shot you both a sympathetic look, before he pointed the remote at and flicked the report over to a mundane, late afternoon game show. You ordered 2 beers, and then settled at the bar on one of the tall chairs, crossing your bare, heeled legs as you and Sam began to dissect the case. You couldn’t help it, you always did this, analyse where you went wrong or right.

The pair of you got that enthralled in your discussions, that before you know it, it was an hour lager and you're now four beers deep... and Sam was fielding an angry phone call from his wife, Natasha. "I gotta go, boss." He sighed, apologetically, “it’s my little girl’s dance recital at six and if I miss this one, Nat’s gonna hang me out to dry!” You waved his explanation off. “Its fine, Sam. Oh, and take the morning tomorrow. That case has had us working all hours and I don’t intend on being there till lunch. Clint, gimme a bourbon please?" "Don't let Barnes get to you.” Sam sighed. “You know what he is like" "Smug, arrogant and annoyingly self-righteous.” You nodded. “Yup, I got it.” Sam smiled and dropped a friendly kiss to your cheek. "See you later." Clint slid the glass of bourbon over to you and you smiled before pulling out your phone to check a few emails and your social media. You were just reading through an article about a Billionaire in Manhattan who had designed some kind of metal suit that allowed him to fly (because that's gonna end well), when a familiar voice broke your concentration. "Can I buy you a drink?" You rolled your eyes and looked up at Bucky Barnes as he leaned on the bar, still in his suit, although he had dispensed of his black and white tie, and opened his top button. This was another thing you hated about him. He is utterly gorgeous. Like GQ cover gorgeous, especially in his sharp suits and silk ties.

And he fucking knows it, too. "Depends." You shrugged, throwing back the remainder of your bourbon. "Does it come with a side helping of irritating smugness?" He chuckled. "I'm off duty, Doll so no."

"In that case I'll have another Monkey Shoulder." You slid the empty glass back to Clint. "Take it you're not driving home?" Barnes asked, his azure eyes running over your bare legs. "Well if I do and I get caught, I'm sure you can get me off any charges.” You replied sharply, shooting him a look that made it clear you caught him eyeing you up. And it isn't the first time either. That's another reason you clash so much in the courtroom. Sexual tension. Fucking jerk. He barked out a laugh "You're really not happy with me are you?" "Not particularly." You shook your head, thanking Clint as he pushed the now full glass back to you, with a small wink. It's a double, you noticed. That should set Barnes back a bit. Bucky reached for his beer and after a pull he looked directly at you. "Come work for me." He said and you groaned.

Not this again. "I'm a prosecutor." You rolled your eyes. "Not a defence attorney. I told you that last time you asked. And the time before, and the time before that." "I'm nothing if not persistent." He winked, turning in his stool so he was facing you. "Besides, I can teach you the ways of the dark side." "You’d love that wouldn't you?" You snort. "Oh, Sweetheart you have no idea." He leaned forward slightly, his elbow on the bar and this time he is blatantly staring at the flash of skin that was showing above the buttons on your blouse. "My face is up here, ass hole." With a smirk he raised his deep, blue eyes and they locked onto yours. Despite yourself, you feel your breath hitch slightly. Dammed him and his sex appeal. "Why are you always this insufferable?" You eventually tore your gaze away from his and picked up your drink, glancing up at the TV as an excuse not to look at him. "Ah come on Y/N, don’t be like that." He reached out to squeeze your hand which was resting on the back of the tall chair you were sat in. "We could make a great team..." You raised an eyebrow and looked at him. "Professionally.” He added, his eyes not leaving yours as he took another large drink of his beer, and you pulled your hand away from under his. "I'd kill you within five minutes of us being in the same office." You glared at him as you took another sip from your drink. He chuckled and eyed you again, “to be fair I'm not sure Stevie would be able to function with a beautiful dame such as yourself in close proximity. He still flusters around any woman that isn’t his Peggy.” "That's because Steve is a happily married man." "So am I." He shot back. Ah yes, Mrs Barnes… "Your wife deserves a medal. She must have the patience of a fucking saint to put up with you." You said into your glass. "I have other hidden qualities which mean she's prepared to overlook my slightly less favourable personality traits." He quipped, and you looked back to see that lopsided grin on his face that flips your stomach. Behave Y/N. "They must be very hidden." You mused, and he let out another loud laugh. "You're killing me, Doll.” "Good." You drained your glass. The liquid burnt your throat and you could feel the effects of the alcohol from the last few hours as your brain started to hum. You looked at Barnes who was watching you, his eyes shining with all the cheekiness of a teenage boy and you know you need to leave before you do something stupid.

Like snogging his dumb, handsome face off. "I think it's time I got going." You said simply, standing up. Barnes gave a nod, draining his bottle. “Yeah I should be making tracks too. Wife to see to, you know how it is.” You stood and he did the same, and you realised he was holding up your jacket, ready for you to slide your arms into. Narrowing your eyes slightly at his sudden chivalry, you couldn’t help the small smile that flickered across your face as you turned and allowed him to help you into it. His hands dropped to your shoulders and he span you round gently and smiled with those perfect teeth, a smile that lit up his beautiful face, his eyes crinkling in the corners. "Lead the way Mrs Barnes.” He instructed softly, dropping a tender kiss to your lips. "You know it's a good job I love you,” you smiled, sliding your arms up round his neck. "Yeah, I know." "Although right now I'm struggling to remember why." "Well, when we get home I'll just have to show you some of those hidden qualities I was talking about, see if they help jog your memory.” You bit your lip slightly at the dark flash of desire that flit across his eyes, and you leant up to brush your lips across his stubbled jawline. "Unanimous verdict,” your voice drops slightly as you pull back and he smirked again, “guilty as charged.” You tossed Clint a good bye, linked your hand into your husband’s and he walked you outside into the brisk wind, his arm pulling you close, his lips pressed a soft kiss to your temple. Yeah, James Buchanan Barnes might be an insufferable, arrogant ass hole in the courtroom, but outside it he's simply your Bucky.

#bucky barnes #buck barnes fic #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #lawyer au

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picturetoburnnn · 3 years ago

Text

Play Pretend | b.b. x reader

pairing - Bucky Barnes x Reader, past Steve Rogers x Reader

word count - 10.6k !!!!!!!!!!!!

warnings - angst, sadness, depictions of depression, anxiety, slight PTSD (?), character death (not Bucky or reader), happyish ending. SMUT. 18+ ONLY

a/n - im backkkkk and with another smutty fic? two in a row? yall are killing me. major thanks to @calpalirwin, without whom this idea would never have been realized to its fullest potential. I hope you guys love this as much as I do.

TAGS - @cxddlyash @thewxntersoldier @bibliophilewednesday @givebuckyhisplumsnow @bucksbeauty DM me or send me an ask to be added!

Sunlight streamed in through the open windows, letting in the cool September breeze. White rumpled sheets gathered around her waist as Y/N’s eyes fluttered open. Her head lay on the chest of a certain super-soldier.

“You awake, sunshine?” God, his morning voice made her fall impossibly more in love.

“No,” she whined, turning her head to burrow into his chest. “Five more minutes.”

“I can’t hear you in there, babe,” he laughed. “You’re all muffled.”

Y/N lifted her head, looking him dead in the eye. “You are so insanely lucky I love you. I wouldn’t wake up before ten for anyone else.”

Steve smirked as he leaned forward to plant a kiss on her hairline. “I know, honey, I know. But I’ve gotta go to training, I’m already five minutes late.” He did what could only be referred to as a puppy-dog face, eyes wide and round, lip jutted out in a pout.

“Fine,” Y/N huffed with a smile as she rolled the other way, sitting up. “Captain America doesn’t get any days off.”

He was already out of bed before she could turn back around, his feet entering her line of sight.

“Hey.” He reached a finger under her chin with a smile, making her look up at him. “I’ll be back before too long, I gotta take my best girl out tonight.”

Rolling her eyes, Y/N smirked as she tossed her covers aside, standing. “I had better be your only girl, Rogers.”

“My one and only.” He planted a kiss on her lips before escaping to the en suite to prepare for the day.

She told everyone she was fine, but the smiles never really reached her eyes.

She told them that it was okay, she’d accepted it, she didn’t blame him, she’d be fine with a little time.

“Baby,” Steve chuckled, “do we have to?”

“I want to go through this haunted house,” Y/N insisted. “And you, Mr. America, aren’t supposed to be afraid of anything. So yes, we have to.” She reached up on her tiptoes to leave a quick kiss on his nose.

“You’re lucky I love you,” he huffed as he wrapped one arm around her waist, leading them into the haunted mansion.

There had to be some better use of her time than recollecting all the time that he’d had her fooled.

He didn’t mean it, he didn’t mean it, he didn’t mean it, her mind screamed at her. He didn’t mean any of the lovely things he said or did, he was thinking of her the whole time.

“Bucky!” Steve called from across the room.

The brunette in the corner flinched as he turned, as if he expected a fist to the face. Instead, his eyes found the woman clutched tightly to his best friend’s side.

“Buck, I want you to meet Y/N, she’s my best girl.”

“I’m your only girl,” Y/N chided him before sticking her hand out. “It’s nice to meet you, James, Steve’s told me so much about you.”

The brunette said nothing, staring down at the extended hand as if it had scalded him. Reading his body language, Y/N’s face dropped as she brought back the offending limb. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t think. Steve warned me and I--”

“It’s okay,” Bucky quietly whispered, eyes tracing back up to hers. God, his eyes were just like Steve’s; a beautiful blue ocean.

“Y/N,” Steve looked down, calling her attention back. “I think Wanda was saying she wanted to see you a while ago. Why don’t you go see what she needs while Buck and I chat?”

“Steve,” she whispered one night. The couple had gone to bed hours ago, yet neither one could find a wink of sleep. Her head laid on his bare chest, fingers tracing the old, faded scars. The steady rise and fall of his body under hers told her he hadn’t quite fallen asleep yet.

“Yes, sunshine?”

“I…” God, how could she ask him this? It was so foreign, this strange dread looming over her.

“When you return the stones tomorrow,” she started, “you’ll come back to me, right? It’s your chance to go back and I… as selfish as it is, I want you to stay here, in this time, with me.”

“Doll,” he chided, hand running up her back. “I could never leave you behind.”

“I just--” she twisted her body to look him in the eyes, eyes slowly watering as she whispered “--I know how hard it was for you at first. Being here. I’m scared you’ll go back and see her and realize she’s who you’ve always wanted. I’m scared you’ll leave me for someone I can’t even meet to be mad at.”

“Y/N,” he breathed. “How many times I gotta say? You’re my best girl. I couldn’t leave you if I tried.”

Slowly nodding, Y/N slinked back down. He reassured her. He dispelled her fears. Why did this weight on her chest somehow feel even heavier?

“I don’t know how you think I could do that to you, honey,” Steve mumbled from behind her. “You must just be paranoid.”

God, what a lie. Because the next day, as she, Sam, and Bucky all stood shoulder to shoulder waiting for him to come back, he never did. He sat on that damned bench by the lake, after living out his life with Peggy. The girl of his dreams. Was it still technically cheating if he was with her before Y/N was even born? It broke her heart like it was. She watched as the shield was passed to Sam. She watched as he spoke with Bucky. She waited for him to call her over, to at least explain.

He didn’t. Bucky came back, stood by her side, just staring at the back of the old man that Steve had become. Her lover, her best friend, her confidante, her everything. She was nothing to him after he had the chance to have her.

Drinks didn’t numb the pain anymore. Alcohol only made it worse. Having friends over was like reliving the moment over and over and over; all those pitying stares. Why did they have to look at her like that? It’s not like her whole world had fallen apart or anything. It’s not like the one person she depended on for everything, the one person she leaned on for support, had ripped himself out from under her. It wasn’t like that at all.

Why couldn’t he at least say something? Why couldn’t he have explained? He knew he was going to do it. She had relived the moment a thousand times, and the look on his face when he stepped onto the platform was that of a man who wasn’t planning on making a two-way trip.

Smiles and beautiful lies played through her mind like a film reel, a never-ending montage she couldn’t escape. He was perfect. The love was perfect. Why couldn’t it have stayed perfect? Was it because she wasn’t? Could that have kept the love alive?

Y/N didn’t even register the knock on the door, or Sam and Bucky entering the used-to-be shared home. “Y/N?” The duo called out.

“Over here,” came the broken whisper.

Sidestepping broken picture frames and cracked vases, Sam crouched beside the woman curled on the floor behind the couch.

“I’m fine,” she sighed with a crazed smile and tears in her eyes. “I don’t know why you guys insist on checking in on me. It’s hardly even affecting me.” A choked sob nearly cut her off. “So you’re fine to go whenever you want.”

Bucky stayed in the doorway, watching on in an awful mix of sympathy and understanding for the woman as she cried on the floor in one of Steve’s old sweaters. It reminded him of how he felt those first few days.

But it had been three weeks now.

“We’re not going to leave,” Sam soothed as he eased down next to Y/N. “We won’t leave you here.”

“You know,” Y/N sniffled with a heartbroken grin, “that’s exactly what he told me.”

“Okay,” Bucky sighed, crossing the room to where she sat next to Sam behind the couch. “You can’t be doing this.” She didn’t put up a fight as he scooped her into his arms, going as far as to wrap her arms around his neck as he lifted her off the ground.

“You have to rest in an actual bed,” he huffed, trying not to let his mask of indifference fall.

“No!” Her head snapped up and all but hit him on the chin as the frantic chill swept through her. “I can’t sleep in that bed, I can’t. Don’t make me, don’t put me there.”

Bucky glanced over at Sam in a panic, not knowing what to do.

“It’s okay, Y/N, you can stay at my place,” Sam interjected with a pointed look of concern to Bucky. “Bucky and I will take you over there, you can sleep on the spare bed, Buck can take the couch.”

“Are you all settled in?” Sam asked for what must have been the thousandth time. “Need more pillows, blankets?”

A silent shake of the head was all he got in return.

“Well, I’m just down the hall if you need me. And Buck’s right around the corner in the living room. If you need anything, and I mean anything, you can get either of us.”

Y/N nodded, a quiet ‘thank you,’ escaping her lips.

Bucky listened in on the interaction from the living room couch, replaying the last argument he had with Steve before… well, before he went back.

“You’ve got to be kidding me, Steve.”

“I don’t belong here, Buck. I have to go back.”

“And what about Y/N?” Bucky pointed his arm towards the front room, where she had been chatting with Wanda and Carol. “You can’t tell me she’s okay with this.”

The silence filled the pit of his stomach with dread.

“Steve… don’t tell me you won’t tell her.”

The blond started “It’ll be easier on her if I just--”

“God, Steve! That girl loves you! You placed the stars in the sky to her. You can’t just leave her here with no explanation.”

Steve calmly exhaled. “I don’t… belong with her. I have to go back. I owe my best girl a dance.”

“There was a time you called Y/N your best girl.” Bucky accused, a disgusted look on his face.

“Buck, don’t start.”

“She is head over heels in love with you--”

“And you’re head over heels for her! Did you think I didn’t know? That I wouldn’t see how you look at her? I’m trusting you to take care of her, to look after her. It’s better this way, can’t you see?” Steve begged Bucky to understand.

“She won’t see it that way,” Bucky said with a deathly calm.

“Give her time,” Steve urged. “It’ll hurt, but if you’re there for her, she’ll see it.”

The silence between the two was stifling until the brunette broke the raging calm with a quiet voice. “When did you stop loving her?”

Steve sighed. “It’s not that simple, Buck, I wish it were.”

“When did you know you would leave her?”

“Bucky, I--”

“ANSWER ME!” He yelled.

“Is everything okay in here?” Y/N’s voice broke through the rage Bucky was seeing. He whipped around, face to face with the woman in question. His eyes met hers for just a moment. God, how could he tell her this?

“We’re fine, sunshine,” Steve eased. Bucky spun back to face him.

“Just a conversation, right Buck?”

Bucky glared at his best friend. He dropped his voice so low, only Steve could hear him. “This is how you lose her, and me.” Giving a huff of a sigh, Bucky turned and disappeared through the doorway and into the crowd of people inside the house. Tony knew how to throw a party, even for his own funeral.

God, why did Steve have to always take all the stupid with him? Why did he have to go, when she was at her breaking point? Why did he have to lie, to keep it all a secret?

Bucky lost track of the hours he spent on Sam’s couch in the dark, staring at the ceiling. A rustling sound from the guest bedroom snapped him to attention. His ears strained as he took in the sounds of heightened breathing, a panicked movement here and there. Bucky didn’t even remember standing from the couch. One moment he was listening for it, the next he was standing in the doorway of the spare guest bedroom as if he were lured by a siren’s call.

Y/N lay twisting in the sheets, quiet whimpers and silent sobs contorting her face.

“Fuck,” Bucky whispered to himself. Did he try to wake her up? What if that set her off more? That tended to happen to him when he had horrible nightmares. But he couldn’t very well leave her like this, a victim to her own mind’s torment.

One more quiet whimper rang through the room and his choice was made for him. Gently opening the door just enough to squeeze himself through, he slid into the room, kneeling on the bed.

“Y/N,” he mumbled, reaching out to her but not quite touching her.

She tossed her head to the side, a frown etching its way onto her sleeping features, worry lining her brow.

“Y/N, doll, you gotta wake up for me.” He placed his right hand gently on her shoulder before she snapped upright. Eyes still closed, she leaned into Bucky. He let her push against him, adjusting himself so his right arm circled her back as his left wrapped around her front, creating a loop around her.

“I’m here,” he soothed.

“Steve,” she breathed. “Oh Steve, thank god, I had the worst nightmares. You were gone and I, I, I didn’t know what to do and I…”

It was the first time he’d heard her say his name since the day it happened. Bucky swore he could feel his heart shatter the moment she realized it. The arm around her was too cold, too solid, to be Steve’s. This body she leaned against, it wasn’t the one that she’d spent countless nights memorizing and tracing.

“You’re not him.” The quiet whimper brought tears to Bucky’s eyes as she burrowed her head into his chest, hiding her crying face.

“I’m not, I’m sorry.” His right hand came up to stroke her hair. “I’m sorry I’m not him, that I can’t be him for you. I know this isn’t enough for you, and I’m sorry.”

He thought he must have imagined the way the cries got just a little harder at that. “You can pretend, if you want to. If you’re okay with that. I know I can’t ever be him, but I’ll let you pretend for as long as you need to.”

They spent another thirty minutes like that, Bucky’s arms wrapped around Y/N’s crumpled form, his legs folded awkwardly beneath him -- and yet, he didn’t dare move. He didn’t dare do anything that would break Y/N out of this illusion of peace she’d created around herself.

“I’m sorry,” she finally whispered. “You must think I’m pathetic.”

Bucky couldn’t tell her how his chest ached for her when she pulled away, wiping at her tears with the sleeve of an old sweatshirt -- neither of them addressed the fact it was one of Steve’s.

“You’re not pathetic, Y/N.”

“I just cried on you like a baby for thirty minutes. I'm okay, I'm fine, you don't have to stay here."

“You might be okay but you're really not fine at all. Something traumatic happened to you.”

“I got dumped.”

“Don’t do that,” Bucky chided. When she rained a sleepy eyebrow in confusion, he clarified. “Don’t lessen your pain to other’s standards. React how you need to. And if that means crying to me in the early hours of the morning, I’d be honored to be by your side.”

Y/N would be lying if she said her cheeks didn’t flush.

Another awkward silence befell the room.

“If you’re… alright… I can go if you want.”

The moment Bucky stood to leave, Y/N’s hand shot out to his wrist. “No!”

He looked down to see his vibranium hand encaptured in hers. She looked so small by comparison, so fragile. So out of place for a hand that was made to be a weapon, but somehow it felt right.

“No,” she repeated, quieter this time. “Did… Did you mean it? When you said I could pretend?”

“Anytime, doll,” he breathed immediately.

“Do you think you could… well, I just--- I--”

Bucky waited patiently, eyes never leaving her face.

“I’m just going to say it. I can’t sleep. Ever. I got so used to him next to me. Is there a chance you could… stay?”

Bucky lifted his brows in shock. The girl of his dreams, the woman he’d been in love with since he met her, was asking him to stay with her?

“Whatever you need, doll.”

Y/N scooted over on the bed, making room. Bucky, somewhat awkwardly, made his way in behind her, laying stiff as a board. It was like that for a moment, until “Bucky?”

“Yeah?”

“Can you--” he heard the tears in her voice “--can you hold me?”

He didn’t respond verbally, but rather by wrapping a single arm around her waist and pulling her body to his. His chest pressed right up against her back, and if she had been thinking, she would have noticed that she could feel his abs through the thin henley he wore. He adjusted his flesh arm to lay under her head as a pillow until all of her was touching him somehow. Her feet tangled with his under the covers.

“Is this okay?” He whispered in her ear.

God this was intimate, but it was what she needed. If she closed her eyes, she could pretend it was still Steve behind her, not his best friend. “Yeah,” she breathed, “this is perfect.”

“Goodnight, Y/N.”

To this day, Bucky doesn’t know what came over him, what possessed him to lean forward and press a kiss to the crown of Y/N’s head.

But it was the best sleep either of them had had in weeks. So when Sam came knocked gently on the door in the morning, neither of them woke up.

“Y/N?” The man quietly called. “Are you awake?”

He slowly twisted the handle, being met with the sight of a hundred-year-old assassin spooning Y/N.

Barnes whipped his head around immediately at the sound of the door creaking. “Sam!” he whisper-shouted. “You’ll wake her up!”

Sam raised his hands in surrender, his eyebrows lifting with them.

“Close the door!” Bucky quietly scolded, lifting one arm from where it lay gently draped across Y/N’s waist.

“I don’t think this,” Sam pushed the door open slightly more, a quiet squeal coming from the hinges, “is going to wake her. She’s got her own personal space heater there in the bed with her.”

Bucky glowered at him before the bickering resumed. “If you wake her up, I swear to god--”

“I’ve been up, you idiots.” Y/N’s voice makes the pair go silent, both sets of eyes immediately turning to her. “And Bucky can’t be a space heater. The arm is metal, it’s almost always cold, Sam.”

A quiet mumble of ‘sorry’ fell on her ears before the arm beneath her head started to slide out from its pillow position. Y/N awkwardly sat up, freeing the artificial appendage.

Sam cleared his throat. “I’m making breakfast if you guys… want… any of that.”

“Yeah, I’ll,” Y/N coughed, “be out in a minute.”

With a short okay, Sam was out of the room again, leaving Bucky and Y/N alone as an awkward silence fell over the room.

“I hope you--”

“Thanks for--”

“You can go.”

“No, Buck, I insist, you go first.” Y/N smiled softly, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.

“I-- okay. I hope you slept well. Sorry if the arm was cold for you.” It didn’t escape Y/N’s notice that he was holding his left arm as far behind him as possible, as if trying to keep it away from her.

“Oh! Well, I was just going to say, um, thank you. For, you know…” She gestured vaguely to the bed. “Everything that… yeah.”

“Anytime, Y/N.” He said it with such a sad smile that Y/N wasn’t entirely sure if he had something else to say.

When she was met with more silence, the woman swung her legs over the side of the bed. “I should probably--”

“Oh!” Y/N wasn’t sure she’d ever seen the soldier move so quickly to get out of bed. “Yeah, of course, sorry.” Without another word, he was out the door.

Weeks later, she swore she was getting better. Really, she was. She definitely wasn’t having a breakdown in the living room of her half-packed away house. No, not at all. And she totally hadn’t just found an old box of Steve’s belongings that Bucky had helped her put away. God, she should have just listened and thrown the box out immediately, but some part of her, some sick, twisted tendril of longing, demanded she kept the old sweaters and ball caps and photos.

Moving was always stressful, but she needed the change. Bucky had encouraged her to sign a lease at the building on the other end of the block from his. A fresh start, he claimed. Close enough to check on her, he had said, just a little too slowly to be entirely teasing. And damn it, she had insisted that she didn’t need help today, that she could go through her belongings by herself and decide what to donate and what to keep. That box in the back of the closet called her name though, a dangerous siren call for a trip down memory lane.

The hardwood floor was cold against her thighs, but it didn’t even register as she sat swamped in one of Steve’s old hoodies.

“I promise you, sugar,” he’d laughed. “When the Avengers are done with me, we can move out to the middle of nowhere. Grow old, pop out a few little ones? A pretty rock on this finger.” He’d kissed her knuckles at that.

What happened to that? When did she become something he was okay with missing? She went from having his life entwined with hers to having to watch his life in pictures, tracing the outline of his smile like she used to trace his face when it was the middle of the night and he’d fallen asleep against her stomach again. She used to feel his chest against her in the night, finding peace in the steady rhythm. Now she fell asleep alone most nights, feeling the absence of him. He was probably forgetting all about her every day, wasn’t he? And here she was, stuck in the memory of how his breath used to tickle her ear in the mornings.

She didn’t even realize she got out her phone. Her fingers worked of their own accord as they typed out a simple message to the number one contact in her texts.

11:13 PM

TEXT FROM Y/N: SOS

Bucky’s heart never beat faster than it did when he got that message. He didn’t even remember the drive to her house. Or did he walk? He couldn’t even say.

His fist banged heavily on the door. “Y/N!? Y/N I’m coming in!”

He barreled through the doorframe -- all six feet rushing through the front door, because what if she were hurt? What if she were in danger? What if--

All thoughts left his mind the moment she was in view. No visible wounds, but she sat on the floor, wearing his best friend’s old sweater, with unfocused eyes staring straight through him.

“Doll?” He cautioned, stepping forward slowly, hands held up. “I’m gonna come closer to you, okay?” No response. She showed no signs of even recognizing he was there until the moment he sat down in front of her, still so cautious.

“Y/N?” He started.

Her eyes found his, and his hopes started rising as he saw that glimmer of recognition. “Bucky?”

“That’s it, it’s me. Hi.” He smiled sadly at her.

Then her quiet mumble broke his heart all over again. “I don’t know how to be something he misses.”

“Doll,” he breathed as he gathered the broken girl into his arms. Her face found its home in the crook of his neck, inhaling his cologne. Did he always wear that? It smelled just like Steve’s.

“I’ve got,” she sniffled. “Too much time alone to be this hurt. Every time I think I‘m okay to be by myself, something happens and I spiral and I don’t want to be a pest to you but… do you think… do you think we can pretend again?”

“Yeah, yeah baby, we can do that.” Bucky repositioned himself so his back was to the wall, Y/N cradled in his arms, face still pressed against his neck. Was it wrong to hope she couldn’t hear his heartbeat right now? Because it was absolutely racing.

Hours could have passed by in that position, and he never would have known. She was pretending he was Steve, but maybe… maybe he could pretend for just a second too. Bucky allowed himself just a minute of time to imagine that Y/N was his girl. That she wasn’t curled against him in sadness seeking comfort, but in delight. That maybe she loved his cologne because it smelled like Bucky, not him. He could pretend that he didn’t cut the sleeves off of Steve’s old sweater that he left at Bucky’s apartment. He could pretend that he hadn’t sewn them onto his own, so she wouldn’t be hit by the cold of his arm again, while still having that familiar comfort.

“Is it evil of me,” Y/N began, voice clearer than it had been in hours as she adjusted slightly, resting her head against his chest, “to hope that he regrets it? I want him to be happy, but I also… I want something to remind him, make him wish he had stayed. I could have planned for so many things, so many bumps in the road of my future but I never could have planned on this. Never could have planned on him changing his mind. God, I just-- I wish he had stayed.”

“You could never be evil,” Bucky breathed into her hair. “I wished the same, at first. I tried, I really did, I tried to get him to stay for you but he didn’t listen to--” The soldier froze. Had he really just said that? He didn’t, there was no way.

Y/N was still as ice beneath him. “You knew?” She slowly began pulling away from him as every inch of his body craved her touch return. “You knew he was going to leave? To go back to her?”

“I didn’t know until the day before he did it.”

“And you didn’t tell me?” God, she hadn’t sounded this heartbroken since the day Steve left.

“Doll, I didn’t--”

“Don’t,” she snapped harshly as she pushed herself up off the floor. He knew? This whole time? He knew it was going to happen?

“Y/N please listen to me.” Bucky’s voice wavered slightly as he scrambled up off the floor. “I didn’t know how, there was never a right time.”

“I think you should go, actually.” She had never been this cold to him. Not when they first met, not ever.

“Y/N, please, I--”

“Goodnight, James.”

A defeated and dejected Bucky Barnes made his way towards the door. Just before he closed it behind him, he looked wistfully over his shoulder. “If you need me… I’m still here. For anything you need.”

An annoyed sigh left her lips, and he took that as his cue to leave.

Days. It was only days after the fight, and she needed him. She needed Bucky like nothing else could calm her. That’s how she found herself in front of his door, just days after she told him to stay the hell away from her. She brought her fist up to knock on the door, but hesitated. Had she ruined it completely? Had she now found a way to fuck up both relationships that had ever really meant something to her? She hadn’t been enough for Steve, and she had pushed Bucky away when she really just needed him more.

It had been Sam’s idea to come here. Immediately after he had left her house that day, after she all but shoved him out the door, she immediately called Sam to tell him what had happened. Sam cussed out Bucky for a minute or two, before sighing and advising You should talk to him, Y/N. Give him the chance to explain. It wasn’t right to keep it from you but he wasn’t entirely in the wrong either. Just… hear him out.

Her knuckles didn’t even tap the door before it swung open before her.

“Dol-- Y/N!” Bucky exclaimed, eyes wide in surprise.

Y/N took a moment to take in his appearance. He wore a navy blue button-down (she’d always liked him in navy blue, she’d told him once at a party while drunk. Brought out his eyes, she’d said.) with a bouquet of flowers in one hand.

“I-- I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-- I wanted to apologize.” Y/N stumbled out.

“A-apologize?” Confusion was written all across the man’s face. “For what?”

“For,” she sighed, “how I reacted the other day. It wasn’t fair. It’s not your fault he told you. But it’s okay. I can come back later, I wouldn’t wanna keep your--” she gestured up and down towards him “--date waiting.”

“Date?” The brunette looked down at himself, analyzing his own appearance. “Oh! No, I’m not-- I’m not going on a date. These were, well, these were for you, actually.” He looked up with a half-smile. “I wanted to apologize for the other day. I shouldn’t have said what I did. And I should have told you before.”

“F-for me?” Y/N breathed.

“Well, yeah,” he spluttered. “Do you wanna come in? So we aren’t doing this in the hallway?”

A mumbled acceptance and Bucky stood back, holding himself in as Y/N squeezed past him. “Sorry, it’s a mess right now, I didn’t know you were coming,” he awkwardly excused as he sat the flowers on the table by the door. When did she tell him her favorite flowers?

“It’s fine,” Y/N insisted, standing awkwardly in the center of the room with hands shoved deep into her pockets.

“Listen,” Bucky sighed as he shut the door. “I’m sorry for not telling you. And for telling you. I can’t decide which is worse. But I want you to know I never wanted to see you hurting. Seeing you in pain because of me was the worst experience of my life, and I would easily go through another seventy years of my past if it meant I never have to see you look at me like that again.”

“Bucky, I…” Her breath caught in her chest. How could she say this? “I understand. It’s okay. I would have done the same. Please don’t… don’t say that. Don’t even think about going back to that time, least of all for me. I’m not worth years of your life being taken away like that.”

“You are to me.”

God, his eyes were so beautiful in this light. The open window’s light brought out shades of blue she didn’t even know existed. Was she really thinking that? She should be heartbroken over Steve still. He was the love of her life, she should still be devastated. Heartbreak like that doesn’t heal over two months… does it? Then why did she feel so at home in his cluttered apartment? Why did his arms slowly start feeling like the right home? Why did every part of her crave his touch like nothing else, even when she stopped pretending it was Steve holding her? When had she stopped picturing blonde hair and a clean-shaven grin, replacing it with beautiful brown locks, a softer smile?

“Buck you don’t-- you don’t have to pretend to be Steve. You don’t have to say those things anymore. I can’t… I can’t do it. I have struggled to find some part of me that I think he didn’t take up. There’s nothing I didn’t give to him but it wasn’t enough. I can’t give him you, too. I need you for me. I need you as Bucky.”’

Did Y/N know how his heart pounded when she said those words? Did she know how long he had been craving something like that to fall from her lips? He hung on to her every word like a man damned. Of course, he never wanted her to have to go through the pain of losing her partner before he could have a chance with her. He meant what he said: he’d go through every second of torture again just for her to be okay again. But if she was okay with him? If she was okay with Bucky as himself?

“Doll,” the soldier began.

Y/N groaned. “Please, every time you call me that, my heart beats six times faster.”

He swore his heart stopped as he tried to stop himself from swaying back in forth like a fool.

“You like when I call you ‘doll’?” That signature teasing smirk graced his expressions one more time.

“Shut up, old man,” she laughed as she beckoned him into a hug. “I’m emotional right now and need my friend.”

Just like that, his inflated heart was stuck through with a sword. He did everything he could to not let it show on his face until she was tucked away in his arms.

Friend. The word haunted him as he lay in bed that night, staring at the ceiling. He’d let his heart run away with his mind. He should have known better. Loving her from afar was what he did best. He’d had years of practice with it when Steve was still here. Why was it causing him so much of an issue now?

Friend. Had she really said that? Y/N’s hands covered her face as the sounds of the city at night droned outside Bucky’s guest room window. It wasn’t what she meant to say. Well, it was, but not like that. Why couldn’t she get this right?

Bucky sat upright when a gentle tapping rang out against his door. He almost thought he imagined it until he heard it again, this time with a gentle call of “Buck?” He whipped the blankets off himself, stepping over to the entryway, meeting Y/N’s eyes as the door opened.

Had he always towered over her like this? she wondered. Her second thought was of how his chest heaved as if he had sprinted to the door. With his sweatpants slung low across his hips and hair pulled back into a low bun… god if the situation were any different, she would swear he looked like sin personified.

“You okay?” He questioned, confusion laced in his tone.

“I don’t want you to be just a friend to me, Buck,” Y/N blurted. “I can’t explain it but for the first time in months I feel happy when I’m with you and it’s really you and we aren’t pretending. I love how you talk, how you walk with your hands in your pockets, and I love how considerate you are and how much you care and I just wanted you to know that if you ever happen to feel--”

His hands cupping her face and lips pressed to hers was the sweetest interruption. This was what home felt like. If Steve was what she had considered right, then this was perfection in every sense of the word. He moved against her as gently as he could, and it wasn’t quite enough. When she parted her lips, he was quick to reciprocate, exploring the new territory carefully, like it was a privilege he wasn’t sure he’d get again. Y/N wasn’t sure why; she was certain that if he asked to kiss her like this again, she would never be able to say yes fast enough. As if all at once, the need to feel him overtook her. Her hands reached for his waist, tugging at his warm body right in front of her. She groaned as he pushed her back against the wall, and almost melted when he rolled his hips into hers.

When they split, his hands dropped to her waist. Y/N dropped her gaze to the ground, chest heaving. All the air had been stolen from her chest, she swore.

“I’m sorry,” Bucky panted. Y/N snapped her gaze up to his.

“What?”

“I just had to do it once, doll,” he begged, eyes searching hers for forgiveness she didn’t know was needed. “I know you’re probably still pretending I’m Steve, but Y/N--”

“I’m not,” Y/N exclaimed, horrified. “I wouldn’t do that to you, not physically.”

“Y/N, this whole thing has been just as physical as it was emotional,” Bucky chided, backing away. “I wore his cologne so you had a comforting smell, I covered the arm so the cold wouldn’t hurt you like it did that first night. I talked like and pretended to be Steve, I held you while pretending to be Steve. It may not have been intimate, but it sure as hell was physical.”

“Buck, I--”

He was getting frustrated now. His hands drew away from Y/N as he pulled away, taking a step back. “So as much as I want to, Y/N, I can’t pretend right now--”

“I really do want you, Bucky, I--”

Something in him snapped. “I have loved you for years now! I have loved you from the sidelines as you loved my best friend and it was okay because he found you first and I could make my peace with it. But please, for the love of whatever god there is, don’t ask me to pretend to be someone else to love you. I want to be me when I kiss you. I want to be me when I hold you. I can’t pretend to love you as someone else.”

“James, would you fucking listen to me?” Y/N was almost yelling as she begged for his attention. “I want you, okay? I don’t want you to pretend to be someone else. I want James Barnes, I want Bucky Barnes, I want whatever version of yourself you’ll give me as long as it’s you.”

Two steps forward and she was almost chest to chest with him again as she brought her hands to his face, cradling his cheeks as he had hers just moments ago. “I’ve wanted every bit of you for a while now, and I don’t know how to make you listen.”

“Just,” the ex-assassin began, “say my name again.”

“Bucky,” she sighed, and his lips met the skin of her neck, trailing upwards towards the shell of her ear.

“Again,” he whispered, breath hot against her skin as his right hand tangled itself in her hair.

“Bucky, don’t tease me.” This one was a breathless whisper that she could have sworn pulled a groan from him.

“Say it one more time, baby,” he breathed, lips a hairsbreadth away from hers. “It sounds so good when you say it.”

“Earn it, Sergeant,” she grinned as he surged forward, lips crashing against hers.

His left hand snuck under the thin material of her shirt, cool metal providing a delicious relief for her flushed skin. Almost without her knowledge, her own hands crept up around the man’s neck, one hand tangling itself in his pulled-back hair. Her fingers toyed for a moment with the elastic before she freed his locks from the band, strands falling into place around his face. Her free hand spanned downward, exploring the muscles of his back as she dug her fingers into his shoulder, pulling him impossibly closer because this could never be enough. He followed like it was the easiest thing he’d ever done, body responding to hers like the most delicious kind of sin.

His hands on her body felt like home. Every touch was impossibly perfect, like she was who he was made for. When his hand traveled up just a little bit, resting in that dip of her waist, her body arched towards him. He pulled away from her addictive kiss just to mouth a trail down to that spot where her neck met her collarbones. His name was the most beautiful symphony pouring from her lips.

“Doll,” he groaned when she tugged just right at his roots.”You can either turn around and go back to bed, or you can let me fuck the shit out of you. I’ll show you how much I love you later, right now I just really need you.”

God, she could have fallen apart just by the way he craved her. “Please,” she begged, bringing his face back to hers and smashing her lips against his.

“Oh baby,” he admonished as he tapped the backs of her thighs, telling her to jump. “You can do better than that.”

Bucky spun the couple around, walking them back into his room. When her back hit the mattress, Bucky couldn’t help but stand back and admire her for a second. Was this actually real? It wasn’t another dream? God, he’d lost count of the number of nights he’d dreamed about something like this happening.

“Buck,” she softly called, bringing his attention back. When had she sat up? Her hand gently caressed the side of his face and he instinctively leaned into it. “We don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

A soft smile came across his face. “So considerate.” he leaned down, supporting himself by his forearms as he crawled towards the woman until his whole body hovered over hers. His bionic hand reached to cup the apex of her thighs. “Even when you’re soaking for me.”

Y/N’s body arched up to his. “Oh my god,” she whimpered as he ground his palm against her mound, friction building up just right. He pushed the thin material of her panties to the side and easily slipped two metal fingers into her wet heat. Her hips bucked up when he started moving them so slowly, in and out.

“I’m not God, doll,” Bucky smirked, “so you should start saying my name, not his. Look at this, you’re just letting me slide right out,” he pulled his wrist back, almost withdrawing entirely, “and right back in.” His fingers thrust quickly back in her, setting a pace of indescribable bliss. He swallowed her cry of desperation as her hands came up to trace the hard lines of muscle across his chest and abdomen.

When her fingers reached the waistband of his sweats, she dared to dip his fingers under the material. Flushed skin reached hers, and the back of her mind screamed at the lack of boxers. “Just take ‘em off, doll,” he whined as he ground his hips down into hers, hand coming back up. Y/N almost whined at the sudden feeling of emptiness, but it was quickly forgotten when she watched as the man put those same fingers into his mouth. His eyes rolled back and she swore she forgot how to breathe when he moaned at the taste.

“James,” she whined as her hands fought to free him of his pants. “Need you, need you so bad.”

Her cries summoned his attention. “I know doll, I know.” He quickly kicked the material away, resting entirely bare above her. “Are you ready? Are you ready for my cock?” He slid downwards until he was face to face with her core. “Because I don’t think you are. I think you need to be stretched--” those damn fingers felt so good in her tight warmth “--just a little more. Tasted so good for me, sweetheart, I want more.” His flattened tongue licked a stripe right up her center, wrapping his lips around her clit as her fingers tugged at the roots of his hair.

Whines and moans filled the air as Bucky studied her reactions. A symphony of please and Bucky fell on his ears and he could swear it was his new favorite thing to ever hear. His own hips rutted against the mattress as she begged him for more, please, please Bucky I need more.

“So greedy,” he commented as he pulled away with a vulgar pop. “‘M already giving you what you want, and you want more?”

“I’m ready,” she cried, “I need you, baby, need your cock.” She could feel that telltale feeling in her gut. She was right, right there. The light scruff of his growing 5 o’clock shadow scratched deliciously at the insides of her thighs as she instinctively closed her thighs around his head. “Buck, I’m so close.”

“I know doll, I know. I think what you need,” he growled, “is to come apart right now, on my fingers and tongue.”

His words sent her over the edge, tumbling from her high as he switched, fingers toying with her bundle of nerves as his tongue delved into her center. He rode out her high, holding her hips down with his free hand as she shook on her way to the calm down.

“Too much,” she whimpered, hands grappling against his scalp. “Buck, please, it’s too much.” She dragged him by his hair away from her most vulnerable place.

“I wasn’t done,” he pouted. “You taste so good. Might be my new favorite snack.” His lips reunited with hers, and she could taste the remnants of her mess along his tongue, feeling the scruff of his facial hair scratch against her face.

“You promised,” she panted as she pulled away, “to fuck the shit out of me. Don’t tell me you lied.”

Bucky smirked at the challenge. “Never, doll. Never gonna lie to you.” With one hand, he carefully aligned himself with her entrance, but hesitated.

“Bucky?”

“Promise me,” he whispered. “Promise me you want this for me, not as a replacement.”

“I swear to you,” she solemnly stated, “that all I want is you, James Barnes.”

He pushed in slowly, so as not to hurt her. Within seconds, he was fully sheathed in her warmth. Both let out loud moans, and Y/N’s arms reached around his shoulders, pulling his chest to hers. The stretch was delicious, Y/N couldn’t help but think. It had been a while since she’d been with anyone, but even then, she couldn’t remember it feeling this right.

Bucky held his breath. God, this felt so good. Stars danced across his eyes as he realized there was no way he could stay still much longer. He needed to move. “Tell me when, doll,” he grunted.

“Move,” she breathed in his ear. Even though the words were practically a whisper, the demand in them was clear.

Never one, to disobey orders, Bucky pulled back and thrust in. Fast. It was official. Y/N’s moans were his favorite sound.

“Faster,” she breathed, face contorted into an expression of endless pleasure. ‘

“Yeah?” he smiled smugly. “I’ll give it to you faster, doll.” His hips moved at an impossible speed as she held him against her, face tucked into the crook of his neck. Her groans of pleasure fed right into his ear, and he never wanted anything else but this.

“Bucky,” Y/N moaned. “Buc- Bucky, please,” she cried. She didn’t even know what she was asking for. He was hitting that little spot with every thrust, angled just right and filling her so completely.

“I know, doll,” he groaned, chasing his high. “‘S like you were made for me,” he moaned. The words made Y/N whimper. “My perfect doll, yeah?”

Y/N keened under the praise, whining out loudly. “Bucky, baby, I’m gonna--”

“I feel you, doll. Let go for me.”

When Y/N reached her peak, she tightened, sucking his cock deep within her. Bucky moaned as his hips stuttered, one hand supporting him as the other wrapped around her back. Y/N cold feel him painting her walls.

Chests heaved as he eased them back down onto the bed, still buried in her heat. “You okay, doll?” he asked as he regained his breath.

“I think you broke me,” Y/N joked, voice croaking.

He went to roll over, but she followed him with a whine. “Don’t go,” she mumbled, nuzzling her face into the crook of his neck. “‘M comfy right here.”

“‘M not going anywhere.” He smiled softly as he pressed a gentle kiss to her temple.

Y/N let out a playful scoff, moving just enough that she could look him in the eye. “All that, and you’re only gonna kiss the side of my face?”

He rolled his eyes, but instead of responding, he leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to her lips as he pushed himself up. “I should get you cleaned up.”

“No,” she protested as he slipped out of her. She tried not to whimper at the sudden emptiness. “That can wait until morning. Come cuddle me.”

“Y/N…”

“Bucky, if you don’t come and cuddle me right fucking now I’ll start crying.” They both knew it was an empty threat, but nevertheless, Bucky found himself lying back down beside her, metal arm wrapping around her middle.

“You’re so pretty,” Y/N whispered as she traced a finger along his jawline. “Go to sleep, pretty boy.”

Sleeping next to Bucky was the best sleep she’d had in ages. His body pressed against hers provided the warmth she needed, the cool metal a welcome contrast against the would-be steamy morning. His features were highlighted beautifully by the late morning sun creeping through the open window. Everything about him just felt… right. The way he held her, the way his body fit against hers like a puzzle piece locking into place. She had thought things were just perfect with Steve, but it was as if Bucky was made for her. Handcrafted by whatever god there may be above to fit her needs and desires.

His smile was softer, she realized, than what Steve’s had been. His hair was softer and felt amazing when she ran her hands through it. His eyes… Y/N could spend a lifetime staring into those eyes. Steve had beautiful blue eyes, yes. But Bucky’s redefined what the color could mean. Steve’s blues had always felt like a summer sky. Bucky’s felt like the ocean on a beautiful day: cool, refreshing, and deep beyond comparison, holding secrets within their depths she couldn’t wait to explore.

Maybe she could explore them after she used the bathroom, though.

“Bucky,” she whispered. “Wake up, baby.”

The man twisted his head towards her but didn’t awaken. Instead, his arm tightened around her middle, creating pressure exactly where she didn’t need it.

A quiet whimper escaped her. “Buck,” she pleaded, pressing a kiss to his forehead. “I need you to wake up.”

He began stirring at the affection, but still didn’t open his eyes. Noting this, Y/N resorted to her last option: press kisses all over his face in the hopes he woke up before disaster struck.

“Doll,” he groaned sleepily, “ wha’s all that for?”

The moment his arm came up to rub the sleep out of his eyes, Y/N bolted up.

Bucky started to make a sound of protest, but Y/N quickly cut him off as she snatched her shirt off the floor. “You have quite literally got an iron grip,” she huffed, “and I’ve had to pee for the last half an hour.”

Bucky broke out into a chuckle as she escaped through the doorway. “Don’t be long,” he called after her, to which she responded by extending her arm just far enough past the door frame for him to see that he was being flipped off. More laughs forced their way out of his system before he took a deep breath, staring at the ceiling. It had really happened, he realized with a smile. The clothes strewn across his floor were evidence enough of that. The fact that he woke up next to her had made his day the moment it began.

He’d expected it to have been a dream. To have woken up yet again to another empty bed, to an annoying hard-on, and the idea that she could never feel the same.

She felt the same.

“Alright you incorrigible monster,” Y/N huffed as she reentered the room, toddling back to the bed. “You left a giant mess on me that I had to clean up.” She smirked as she hovered over his form, leaning down to capture his lips.

“I thought you said I could clean you up,” he pouted, wide eyes looking up at her.

“Well, maybe I missed a spot or two?”

Bucky’s eyes lit up as he rolled himself over, pinning her wrists above her head with one hand as he positioned himself on top. “You know, I think I should check.”

Oh, there was no way they were getting out of bed today.

Her time with Bucky was simply… wonderful. She couldn’t even compare it to anything. He made her forget all the heartbreak and quite literally wiped any thought of him from her mind.

Which is why it came as even more of a surprise when a harsh knick rang out against Y/N’s door at two in the afternoon on a Sunday, while Bucky and Y/N were baking.

“Are you expecting anyone?” Bucky quizzed, shifting into defensive mode. It didn’t slip Y/N’s notice how he placed himself between her and the door, a natural barrier.

“No…” she trailed. “No, I’m not.”

“Miss Y/L/N?” came the quiet voice from the other side of the door. “Miss Y/L/N, are you home?”

Bucky raised an eyebrow quizzically, motioning for you to get behind him as he peered through the peephole. “It’s a guy and his kid.”

His brows furrowed as he undid the lock, opening the door just a sliver. “Who are you?”

“I’m… well,” the man struggled to find the words. He seemed to be around forty-something and looked… strangely familiar. Had they met before? No, Y/N pondered, she would have remembered that face.

“I’m Sam, Sam James Rogers. Junior. This is my son, Steven Buchanan. My granddad… passed, last night.”

The floor was ripped out from under Y/N. She pushed past Bucky, placing herself directly in front of the man. Of course, he was one of Steve’s. His appearance felt so… familiar. The blue eyes she once could have recognized anywhere. The blonde hair that she used to love running her hands through. It was all there, with just a slightly different face.

“He’s… gone?”

“He had a good life,” the younger boy piped in. He couldn’t have been over seventeen. “He talked about both of you guys, a lot, after Grandma Peggy died. He, um, asked us to give this to you.”

In the boy’s outstretched hand, he held a letter. Y/N couldn’t move. Was this the closure she’d been wanting? Was it an apology? Was it a final goodbye?

Could she read the final words of who she thought was the love of her life?

“Thank you.” Bucky reached across, grabbing the envelope.

“Anyways,” Sam sighed. “Me and my son, we’re both --as I’m sure you noticed-- named after you. I hope you know how much you meant to him. To all of us. We grew up with stories of you. You are our hero.”

The teenager was smiling softly at Bucky. He was flustered. How does one even begin to comprehend that?

“Thank you,” he settled for. “It’s, uh, it’s a lot to take in. I hope you don’t mind if we--”

“Oh, no take your time. If you want to talk, the service is next Thursday. He said you’d know where, Mr. Barnes.”

“Thank you,” Y/N whispered, distracted.

With a sad smile and a gentle nod, Bucky closed the door.

Silence was never more comforting.

“Are you going to read it?” Bucky finally breathed.

“I don’t… I don’t know.”

He grabbed her by the waist, gently tugging her closer. “Whatever you decide,” he mumbled as he pressed a kiss to the crown of her head, “I’m with you.”

“He was already gone, in my mind,” she choked out, burying her head in his shirt. “But now it’s real and it feels worse than I thought it would.”

Sunshine,

I don’t know how long it will have been since I’ve gone that you’ll get this. I’m old now, I have the life I always promised you I’d give you. I’m sorry I’m not sharing it with you. I promised a lot of things that I could never have given you, and a part of me is sorry for that. I’m sorry I never told you I was leaving.

He loves you. He may not show it in all the best ways, but he’ll love you better than I ever could.

I wish I could say I was sorry for leaving you, but the only thing I’m really sorry about is not telling you. I wish I hadn’t lied to you that last night, but I have no regrets about going. These are the lives we were destined to have.

I found a way to forgive myself, and I hope you’ll find a way to forgive me too.

I’m happier here. I pray that, in some small way, you’re happy for me too. I hope you’re happy, with him. You deserve the world, the one he’ll give you.

I’ll forever regret that lie. But it turned out the best way it could.

Forever your friend,

Steve. x

He wasn’t sorry. He wasn’t sorry. For tearing her world apart. For ruining the best life she’d ever had. For taking the heart she’d handed him, the heart he’d promised to keep safe, and shredding it.

Bucky was furious. He hadn’t meant to read the letter, honest. But Y/N had left it out, on the dresser, when she’d sped past him in a flurry of flushed cheeks and tears, barely choking out “I’m going for a drive,” before she was out the door.

With a heavy sigh, Bucky put the letter down. A muscle in his jaw ticked. Steve didn’t think he was wrong for going, just for not telling her. He needed to clear his head. If he spent another minute near that goddamn paper, Bucky swore he would lose his mind.

The brink autumn air was a welcome sting as the ex-soldier stepped outside. His feet moved without any real purpose. He just wanted to clear his scrambled mind. Was this going to set her back again? Would Y/N lose all the progress she’d made towards feeling better? Would all that hard work she’d done go out the window the moment that his star-spangled apology fell empty?

Bucky didn’t even realize where he’d wandered until he saw the signpost.

West Hill Sunny Cemetery.

Steve’s mom and dad had been buried here. Of course, Steve would want to be in here, too. But that didn’t explain why he could see Y/N’s car against the curb, parked haphazardly. Bucky’s heart rate picked up when he heard muffled cries of anger from inside the wrought-iron fencing.

“Y/N!”

His feet were moving before his mind could even catch up, chasing the sound of her voice. “Y/N!”

The burly man skidded to a stop when he saw the sight in front of him.

Y/N knelt in front of the freshly set headstone. The undisturbed ground told her he hadn’t yet been laid to rest, but she paid no mind to the grass as it prickled the skin of her knees. Angry, hot tears made the words hard to make out, but she could see enough.

“You selfish, fucking asshole!” Her voice broke, betraying the angry expression and revealing the broken heart inside. “You promised me, you swore it wasn’t like that,” she cried.

When her bare fist came into contact with the stone, strong arms wrapped around her. A soothing voice murmured sweet calms in her ear, but she heard none of it.

“You lied to me!” She fought the bonds that kept her arms pinned to her sides, not recognizing it as the vibranium arm she’d spend her nights curled up against. She punched the stone more and more, taking her anger out on the slab of marbled granite in the spare moments she could escape Bucky’s restraining grasp. Bloodied bruises formed all across her skin as Bucky finally managed to collect the woman in his arms.

“Shh, love, it’s alright,” he whispered, even as his heart ached and screamed at just how not alright the situation was at all. “I’ve got you, it’s me, it’s Buck.”

Reality set back in. Steve was gone. He’d been gone. Bucky was here. Bucky was good, and right, and real. “I just…” she whispered, voice a broken remnant of the angry woman that was present mere moments ago. “I just wanted him to love me. Maybe I-- maybe I wanted him to be sorry he left, part of me hoped he missed me enough to feel sorry but he--” she cut herself off with a choked sob “--he didn’t even think he was wrong for it.”

“I know, doll, I know. Let it out.” So when Y/N pressed her face into his shoulder, tears wetting his shirt, he sighed angrily. Anger at the world, anger at Steve, but mostly just angry with himself for not being able to convince him to stay.

“I’ll spend more time missing him,” he heard her whisper against the crook of his neck, “than I ever did loving him.”

God if he wasn’t broken before, he was now. His arms tightened around her as he pressed himself impossibly closer as if ensuring himself she was still there. “It’s okay to miss him,” he whispered. “I’ll miss him the rest of my life. But you’re here. I’m here. We can’t spend our lives in his shadow. He… he didn’t know how to say it, but he wanted you to be happy. I want you to be happy.”

“I’m not asking you to forgive him,” the man breathed. Had breathing always been this hard? Why were his eyes getting hazy? Why were his cheeks flushing? “Just try to come back to me, yeah? Come back to James, sweetheart.”

When Y/N lifted her head, she was met with watery blue eyes and the kindest smile she’d ever known. “That’s my girl,” he choked. “I need you here with me. Don’t let him pull you back to where you started. You’ve done so good, angel, I just need you to stay with me here.”

Y/N tucked herself in the crook of his arm. “I’m here,” she whispered, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “I’m here with you, Buck.”

Sitting together, bloody knuckles and tear-stained faces, staring at Steve’s headstone, Y/N finally felt like maybe, someday soon, it would be okay again. Maybe, she thought the longer they sat there, Bucky holding her so close against him like it was all either of them could ever need, maybe it was already okay.

Thank you so much for reading. I hope you loved it.

Masterlist Found Here

#bucky barnes smut #bucky banes x reader #bucky barnes fluff #bucky fanfic #bucky x y/n #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #bucky x female reader #james bucky barnes #james buchanan barnes #my works #whoever can find all of the taylor swift lyric references in this gets a kiss on the cheek from me #plus one from LANY

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