#btw yes i don't particularly love it but who cares at this point

[anitalianfrie]

they're girlfriends your honor

[pathetichimbos]

Ok actually I've been in love with your toughts about Thomas, YOU'RE AN AMAZING WRITER!!!

Btw, I can't stop thinking about how this man deserved a childhood friend that would eventually become his lover, someone that decided to treat him like an human being once and discovered he's just really sweet boy and not a monster.

Do you think that would change anything about how Thomas behaves in the future?

Oh, this is something I have thought about, I could write a whole fic on the AU, but let's not bite off more than we can chew and put that idea to the side for a future project. Please bear in mind that this post may seem lesser than my others and more rushed, that was quite literally because I had to continuously stop myself from writing endless drabbles on this idea.

But, I digress. Let's dive into the factual and realistic results of giving Thomas a childhood friend.

So, as we know, Thomas has had a lot of health issues from birth, and the Hewitt family did their best to get him the medical help he needed, taking him to doctors up until he was about thirteen or fourteen.

We also know that Thomas has been bullied for most of his life, and was isolated from his peers and community at a young age.

And we know that Thomas is some flavor of neuordivergent, so if we add all of these things together, we get a school record full of absences, low grades, and detentions from fights he didn't start, because we all know that in small southern towns, teachers really don't give a shit who starts the fight, they care about who's family has the better reputation.

So, he's in an out of school from the get go, has a bad reputation with all his teachers (and going into every new grade because teachers talk), and struggles with learning in the traditional way.

This starts tons of rumors about him.

They float all around the school, everyone knows who Thomas is, and no one in particular likes him.

But! Let's back up here, and take it back to, oh, I don't know, first, second grade? Around that time frame.

Thomas is still a little dude, being harassed and bullied by his peers and generally not having a fun time.

But, this time around, we'll drop another little dude in there. (that's you!)

And this little dude (non-gender term) doesn't particularly care about Thomas' deformities and disabilities. Who would?

So, you start hanging out with him. And Thomas, (who we all know thrives on positive attention), is confused, but not unwelcoming.

I don't think he'd be really clingy right of the bat, but give it a school year (maybe two if he's out of school a lot that particular year), and he's going to be a lot more comfortable with you, and that's what's going to lead to that clinginess.

Especially if you're nonchalant about grabbing his hand or touching him in general, because, remember, most people are afraid to even come near him, so the fact that you don't care and are willing to just casually touch him, is a huge thing in his eyes, and as he gets older, he's going to want more.

So, we'll skip ahead a bit until y'all are 10-12ish, and at this point, you're Thomas' best friend. Everyone knows you two hang out, the Hewitts love you, and it leads to a bit more isolation on your end, because no one wants to be friends with the freak, let alone the freaks weird best friend. (and yes, you're weird, I know you are because you're listening to me rant about leatherface /affectionate <3)

But, this also opens Thomas up to people a bit more, as the few people that do talk to you, eventually talk to him, maybe not go as far as to be his friends, but enough to be friendly.

Of course, some people are fake, and they'll ditch the both of you the moment the 'popular' kids find out they talk to you.

And other people don't, it's middle school, life in general sucks. Y'all are just trying to survive your way to highschool.

Now, if we assume you help tutor Thomas and you help keep him out of trouble (i.e. a large tree limb tends to deter bullies), we can assume his grades will go up, which will probably get his teachers off his back. All of these things are good. Thomas has a real friend, and not everyone treats him like a monster. His grades are better. His family is proud of him.

But Thomas still has mental health issues. And just like he hid them from his family, he hides them from you as well. His peers and community may have shunned and isolated him, but he also shuns and isolates himself from his family and friends, so I believe that despite being clingy and wanting to be around you a lot, if he hits a depressive episode, he's going to isolate from everyone.

That's what leads to his self mutlilation.

He slices the skin off his cheeks in an attempt to "fix" his deformities, believing that if he just gets rid of them, his disease will go away.

...But it doesn't. And he doesn't get to see you for a long time, a worried and frightened Luda Mae keeping her baby locked away and protected from the world while he heals.

That's when Thomas stops speaking. The healing wounds and eventual scars make it harder for him to speak, making anything more than a mutter or whisper painful for him.

This is when he finally drops out of school. It's a small southern town in the early 1950s, so there's no fight to stop him, after all, he's expected to help his family run the farm.

When he finally sees you again, he's worried you'll have changed your mind about him, and even though you haven't done anything wrong, it takes time for him to trust you again, his own self doubt ruining his confidence in your friendship.

But, after that, you're pretty much inseparable again. Everyone in town knows that if they see one of you, the other isn't far behind. Thomas still struggles a lot on his own during this time, and I don't believe he'd be capable of loving himself enough at this point to love you, or at least, I don't think he'd believe you actually like him, and for the sake of this post, we'll keep it that way.

Thomas spends a lot of time at his house at this point, so you spend a lot of time after school there with him. His house is practically your house. Luda Mae, Charlie, and Monty all know that once school lets out you're headed over, and they set an extra plate at dinner for you. (They don't know how Thomas could be so possibly blind to your affection towards him, but other than Charlie's stray comments encouraging Thomas to 'give it a shot', they mind their business)

Once Thomas gets a job at the slaughterhouse, and you get your own job in town, you'll often walk to the slaughterhouse after work to meet Thomas just finishing his shift, and the two of you will walk together until you have to separate to go to your own house.

It breaks people's minds seeing how soft Thomas is with you, their own preconceived ideas about the man leaving them baffled when he's gentle and caring to his friend.

It's about his early to mid twenties, when people start looking at you as more than just his friend, and as someone to actually chase and date, that Thomas finally snaps.

You don't know what comes over your best friend, but he becomes extremely affection and protective of you, no one can approach you in a flirtatious way without Thomas following close behind, simply standing behind you as a warning for them to move on.

But he doesn't actually try to date you. He's still torn by his own poor self esteem. It drives you insane.

You'll have to confront him, and give him an ultimatum. You can't keep playing this game, where he refuses to let you out of his sight but runs away every time you try to make a move.

He caves, obviously, not willing to lose you in any capacity, but your relationship is slow and careful, working at his pace as he learns to accept himself and your love for him, which takes a very long time.

He's not comfortable with any PDA, just barely letting you hold his hand when you meet him after work.

"But we've always held hands." You point out, and he looks away with a shrug.

It's different now.

But, let's step away from the drabble territory. I've already had to rewrite this post like five times now.

Over the years, Thomas becomes more and more comfortable with your relationship, and you have to teach him practically everything. He genuinely doesn't know anything going into this. And I mean anything.

As the town starts to die, and your family decides to leave, the Hewitts welcome you with open arms, but Luda Mae moves you into the guest room. After all, you're not married.

That doesn't stop you from sneaking into his room at night though.

But, despite the implication I just made, I don't think Thomas would be ready for actual sex until marriage. He's still a traditional man, just the way his mother raised him.

But, again, not my main point. Stick with me, I'm wrapping it up now.

All in all, I don't think Thomas would be that much different. A little more self confidence and self esteem, sure, but he'll still be Thomas. When the factory shuts down, he'll still snap, and he'll still kill the supervisor. He'll still start preparing human meat like he's asked. But other than feeling a bit more comfortable in his own skin and mind, he wouldn't be much different. He's still our same old Tommy.

Ok, that's all for now. Thanks for sending in the ask love <3

[menlove]

as a card carrying terf I don’t think trans ppl are disgusting and neither does any radfem i’ve ever met, vast majority of us dgaf about trans people specifically; we want single-sex spaces to exist and btw trans people need those single-sex spaces too. trans women deserve to have spaces for Just trans women and cis women deserve spaces with Just cis women etc etc. i highly recommend doing some actual research into radical feminism instead of repeating the "theyre all conservatives who hate gnc people and find trans people disgustinf and want to kill them" that is simply not true lmao. you may be surprised a what you learn! sincerely a gnc lesbian and proud radfem

I have in fact done much research into radical feminism babe! trust me I have spent hours in yalls spaces! and you simply cannot speak for every single terf just as I can't speak for every trans person. you can't say "come on NO ONE IS SAYING-" just like I can't say that either. do you know every terf? have you seen every blog? have you been a trans person (particularly a trans woman) on the internet trying to just exist in peace? no? then you don't get to say "no terf is SAYING-" because yes, a lot of you are!

"no terf thinks trans people are disgusting" cool so when I was 19 and hadn't touched testosterone a day in my life and had she/they in my bio one of you coming into my ask going "I can tell by looking at you that you'll never be a woman lmfao" bc I'm latine w a shitton of body hair and non-eurocentric features, THAT was out of love for ✨women✨.

when yall (not you specifically but your group you associate with) get on twitter and pick apart the selfies women post telling them they're ugly and following it up by saying you KNOW they're "men" and it turns out 9/10 you've just harassed a cis woman who just doesn't meet eurocentric beauty standards, that's so totally cool and awesome and out of love for cis women and a want for separate spaces right?

when yall go into trans people's asks and tell us to kill ourselves, call us pedophiles, call us rapists, call us ugly... that shit just doesn't happen, right? and yes I'm Aware yall get death and rape threats too. you shouldn't, it's gross on both sides, but really it's not proving your point here.

it's fucking infuriating. you're infuriating. because radical feminism could be something worthwhile (and funnily enough I've met a lot of older ex radfem lesbians who have veered away from it bc of how fucking vitrolic yall are towards trans people). but instead, it is steeped and inseparable from the mire of hatred and disgust that you parrot. you don't give a single shit about women, whatever sex.

I'm an assigned female at birth lesbian who has only ever slept with other people with vaginas (consensually anyway). I can't tell you the amount of hate I've gotten from yall. just for being trans. even though I meet your definition of being a woman and being a lesbian. it doesn't matter because your hatred for people you deem as degenerate outweighs actually fucking advocating for feminism.

I'm not even going to argue with you on how useless single sex spaces actually are bc despite their best attempts there's always going to be problems (namely: fun fact cis women can be awful too AND how the fuck are you going to check and enforce this rule? what is your end goal?).

but what I AM going to say is no, sorry, that's NOT what a lot of you think. that's what YOU think. that's why YOU'RE a terf. but actually fucking look at the people around you. go on a trans person's blog or twitter who's receiving harassment and fucking try and tell me it's to promote "uwu safe spaces" like.... be fucking serious with me right now lmfao

you're not conservatives! but you are a bunch of fucking assholes who care more about harassing trans people than building a feminism that might actually have teeth. if you're using those teeth to attack a group more vulnerable than you, you're just an aggressor.

tldr you don't speak for all of them, go fuck yourself, etc

[citruslllad]

Love your qsmp au, it’s been haunting my brain for the past few hours. Jacob questioning his sanity makes me cackle. Love the concept of a character having a prominent person in their life being lost or replaced and having to find them. I’m particularly curious as to the dynamics Jacob has with the other qsmp members once he arrives on the island. Anyone they like, despise? How do they interact with a certain cat boy conspiracist and our resident eldritch care bear?

Also unrelated, love how Jo is just a concerned observer in all of this. His friend went from pretty okay mentally to “No Jo I’m telling you I’ve definitely had a roommate this whole time! You’ve met her in real life several times by now! Stop gaslighting me about the plushies I’m not a plush guy I wouldn’t buy these on my own. Fine, if there’s no roommate JO, then why is there a drawing tablet in that other room? There is a LIVE BIRD IN MY LIVING ROOM and yet I’ve never expressed interest in owning one. Worse yet, I haven’t MONETIZED IT?! THIS ISN’T FUNNY JOE MY LIFE HAS BECOME A TWILIGHT ZONE EPISODE”

ANON I LOVE YOU THANK YOU FOR THE INBOX RAMBLE <<<<33333

the thing is, they first realized something was off when they were on stream and chatting w/ friends, said something along the lines of "yeah haha it's been so quiet without Jaiden around, hope she's having a good time" and someone goes oh who's Jaiden? and you can practically see the gears in his head turning. at some point he's like we'll they'll HAVE to believe me if i bring them over and they all see her room and setup and stuff right? and then some of their buddies arrive and go lol Jo you had such a weird setup before you left and Jo's just going along with it like yeah haha I don't even remember it, it was a weird time in my life and Jacob is FUMING

regarding dynamics, focusing on Cellbit + Jacob first, I don't think they trust each other at ALL at first. they're both nice to each other for the sake of being polite, but they literally CanNot trust the other, Cellbit because last time he trusted an "ally" he became employee of the month, and Jacob because not trusting anyone on the island comes with the package. over time, they begin to bond over their shared stressful experience, but it's a while till then

(taking this ^^^ into account, Cellbit is secretly ECSTATIC to have Jacob around. not because of Jacob himself, but because they can remember everything about the outside world whereas Cellbit cannot. they bring him a small sense of closure)

he definitely get along better with some of the other members, though. the first people that come to mind are Slimecicle, Roier and Baghera. other than that, he doesn't exactly have all the time in the world to interact with everyone on the island, so he's mostly neutral (except for those he knows has willingly worked with the federation, like Foolish or Elq. he doesn't trust that in the slightest)

with Cucorucho it's a bit of a different story. they've never interacted with it, and all they know about it is from Cellbit, so it's safe to say they'd rather keep off of it's radar. when he DOES meet with it, however, he's very offput by it. they laugh at first, yes, because Cucorucho literally looks like a life sized stuffed animal, but he very quickly gets disturbed by it, something made to look so friendly and undeceiving being capable of so much. he isn't a fan.

(here are some refs i doodled while watching jaiden vods btw <3)

[hjemne]

Thinking about my queer telenovela Trigun WIP again, and I'm still not sure about to what extent it's a good idea to write Wolfwood as recently having left the church after coming to terms with the fact he's gay, and so has little experience with the queer community. Currently in my plan, Wolfwood starts off not really knowing anything about what it means to be trans and he is still working to unpack the homophobic Christian teachings he's internalised. He ends his years-long relationship with Milly and then meets Vash & it's his confirmation that yes okay he is definitely gay. Wolfwood doesn't know Vash is trans for a while, and Meryl is stressing out during that time because she's worried about how this recently Christian man with a limited understanding of transness might react to the guy he's been crushing on not being cis (Vash, her friend, who's been through enough already and who she wants to look out for). Meryl doesn't really know Wolfwood, and the worry is partly coming out of her habit of catastrophising, and Milly knows Wolfwood very very well and has full faith that he wouldn't be a dick about Vash being trans. But idk if I should cut these scenes because they're Too Much. For plot reasons the girls can't properly communicate with either Wolfwood or vash btw. My point is to show that Meryl is also unlearning stereotypes and her immediate assumptions about people, but I'm not sure if that justifies bringing up the fear of transphobia in a fanfic

Wolfwood finds out when he and Vash are finally about to hook up, and it takes him a moment to work through the initial surprise and confusion before going 'you're literally a man and I'm so attracted to you I think my dick might explode but also I have zero concept of what a trans man is so you might have to gimme some pointers on how this all works.' So basically there's a moment where Wolfwood is processing Vash being trans, and Vash is a little wary of him & how he'll react, but that moment almost immediately passes and then it's a case of Wolfwood being uninformed but very enthusiastic to learn.

I think it's important for me to show a character deconverting and the fact that when you deconvert you have to unlearn and relearn so many different things, but also I'm not sure whether it's a good idea for a plot point to be 'is Wolfwood going to hatecrime Vash?'.

I'd love to get some more perspectives on this. The fic setting and tone is (at the moment) fairly realistic so I don't think this would be a super weird tonal shift. In the fic the world is unfair and harsh but can be beautiful when people love and care for one another. Theres big plot points about how social and economic inequalities impact people & how people react & survive when pushed to the margins of society etc.

More things I'd like to discuss under the cut <33

Id also appreciate advice on how to write about Vash & Knives' transition. In my current plan, they were adopted by Rem and were both fairly erratic as kids bc they had trauma around something relating to Tesla (can't decide what exactly without bringing the tone massively down). Rem fully backs them when they transition (although she & knives get into a fight over him giving himself knives as his legal name) and I want to emphasise how positive the process of transitioning was for them. V+K get closer through it and knives gets a supportive group of friends which is particularly important because he's the more unstable one. But then there's tension between knives and rem because rem isn't the no 1 fan of some of his new friends (legato + elendira) and knives gets increasingly volatile as he refuses to process his trauma and his worst habits are enabled.

I think I want to say that Knives then causes an accident which kills Rem and injures Vash, but idk whether he does this deliberately, fully accidentally, or because he's experiencing a mental health crisis. Any thoughts about how to handle this would be super useful 🙏 Otherwise I might say that there was a car crash / other random accident, and that this was the tipping point because Knives can't handle being the only one to walk away without a scratch. Either way, Knives then disappears and Vash is trying to track him down and help him when Vash & Wolfwood meet in the main plot timeline.

The main plot is around Wolfwood trying to find Livio despite him having been declared dead after he ran away from their orphanage a few days after Wolfwood was kicked out and was never seen again (&so WW blames himself for Livios disappearance). WW eventually finds LR, who has been living under the name Razlo and avoided being found BC they actually ran away because their birth parent was released from prison and they FREAKED at being forced to go live with them again. LR has been forced into incredibly shit and precarious work because they have no legal identity or protection which is being taken advantage of by chapel. WW and LR bond and WW convinces and helps them to get away from chapel & get themselves un-declared dead. LR has met both Vash and Knives at various points (helped Vash w his t shot in a diner bathroom. this is also how he and Meryl met) and eventually Vash bumps back into WW, and they find Knives with LR's help, and everyone's happy. Milly and Meryl have gotten together during all this, and all 6/7(?) of them move in together because I make the rules and want them to be happy. Knives (& razlo tbh) gets the support and stability he's needed and is doing much better. Wolfwood gets to live with his bff Milly but can be out and proud. He probably proposes to Vash within the year. Vash & Wolfwood both have their brothers back and a family again. LR get official legal status again and change their last name to Razlo to separate them fully from their birth family. Milly and Meryl are the sweetest couple known to mankind and Meryl is welcomed into Milly's big Christian family. Will knives and LR get together? Haven't decided. But I think they would get on super well. And probably hook up. Also it's very important that you know that Wolfwood used to be a youth pastor in a church while with miss Melanie (who raised him in a Christian orphanage). Melanie cries when she sees LR again, and gives Wolfwood away when he and Vash get married.

[iliadette]

What are some reasons to actually like Spirk + Star Trek?

I'm an ORV fan but I used to watch Voyager as a kid and I've seen a one or two of the newer movies a few years back (dark something something?) I stayed away from the Star Trek fandom as an adult because I mainly associated it with racism and misogynistic nerd guys.

Hi, anon. Sorry if this ask will take a long time to appear, English is not my first language an I am bad with words on a good day.

You're probably thinking of Into Darkness. It's the second reboot movie. There's a lot of different opinions about those lmao. Personally, I love them even though they do have bad bad points, but then again, I love everything about Star Trek, even at its worst.

There's no denying that there was a bit of period-typical misogyny in the original Star Trek, and it got worse in the long run after Rick Berman was selected for production. Latent misogyny, hetero and amatonormativity, as any 60-to-90s show does. To deny that would be stupid. But.

Star Trek was one of, if not the first, tv programs to depict people of different races working together, as equal as they could get in a military-like setting, in a time when segregation and Cold War were still a thing. A Black woman, an Asian man, a Russian one, a Scottish one, all holding a major position in a government vessel, all iconic characters to this day. Censorship never let him, but Gene Roddenberry, the original creator, always intended to include queer people in ST, as I will explain better later. ‌The original series had episodes which very clearly condemned nazism, racism, the Vietnam war, genocide. The Ferengi race of the Next Generation were created to be a satire of western capitalists but were wrongly pegged as an antisemitic stereotype. If a major character is disabled, they have accomodations made for them, they don't have their disability erased, though I hear that Strange New World kind of fucked that up. An episode of TNG was in protest of conversion therapy though people didn't like how it ended. A major theme of Deep Space Nine revolves around colonialism. It had the first black protagonist (commander and later captain); the first female first officer in the franchise to have a major role, who formerly fought in a resistance movement against a the occupation of her planet by a fascist imperialist race; the first trans woman in all but designation, who btw very much kissed another woman in an absolutely iconic scene; a canonically very neurodivergent doctor. Voyager had the first female captain to star in a series. Seven of Nine's character is particularly dear to me because while it's obvious that she was added mainly to boost and entice the male audience with her sex appeal (and well, I am sapphic and far from immune), it's also obvious how much the writers and Jeri Ryan cared for her storyline and growth. She's such a complex character, I really love her. Seven-centric episodes are always a treat for me. I can't remember anything else off the top of my head, sorry abt that (I also haven't watched Enterprise and the newest series yet so I can't talk about that).

Does ST have bad moments? Misogynistic, racist, homophobic, ableist, amatonormative moments? Hell yes. Some episodes are really cringy and have very bad writing. But there are more good ones than not, and those are the ones I live for, the ones that can give you a message that stays with you, where there was somebody in the crew/cast who read the script, saw something terrible, and went "this will not pass on my watch" and worked together to fix whatever they could. I'm sorry if your experience with Star Trek was with dudebros who think "the woke of the latest series ruined the franchise".

Now, about K/S. I believe with all my heart that nobody needs a reason to ship any two or more characters together. That said, I think Spirk is one of those ships where you have to wear anti-ship goggles not to see the potential (but no big deal if you don't). They touch each other all the time, they risk their life and career multiple times to save the other. This is not inherently a sign of non platonic feelings, and they sure aren't canon as we usually mean it, but.

Writers sure had a field day sprinkling suggestive bits (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) all throughout the franchise, especially queer writers (Theodore Sturgeon, writer of Amok Time and Shore Leave, may his soul be blessed for all eternity).

Bonus for how they look at each other. (1) (2) (3) (4)

Roddenberry himself described their relationship as one of love. It's not mentioned in the series, but in the books it's revealed that they share a telepathic bond that connects their souls, which in Vulcan culture is called t'hy'la which can mean "friend, brother, lover". This definition was created specifically for the two of them, so this is a very obvious wink/nudge, if not an outright acknowledgement that "yes they're in love, but homophobia exists so this is all we can do."

In The Motion Picture when Kirk looks at Spock like a lovesick puppy after a long separation, and the simple feeling not much later.

And can anyone dare to say that those death scenes from The Wrath of Khan and Into Darkness are supposed to be platonic, or what Kirk says about Spock at the beginning of The Search for Spock, that his death feels like he lost "the noblest part of his soul"? And what about "Not in front of the Klingons"??

The books, too, have some very interesting nuance.

Sooooo yeah I absolutely think that Spirk is and will always be the one ship that best comes to mind when it comes to ST. In my eyes and in those of a lot of people they're canon in every way that matters, and if either of them had been female there would have 100% been a marriage in one of the movies, à la Riker/Troi. They'll forever be my ST otp, though I'll occasionally indulge a little bit of Spones and McSpirk. I could even like and reblog other ships like McKirk or Spuhura but only in fanart and only in moderation. I personally wouldn't be interested in reading fanfiction about those. But every ship is valid and equal in fandom, and none is superior just because it's canon and/or had a major role in the birth of shipping culture. Which is the very point all this behemoth of a post originated from, I guess.

This.... Has turned into way more than I thought. Sorry about thay. I hope my answer was satisfactory, anon. Also that I didn't bore you. Hope you have a great day, and thank you for reaching out. ❤️🖖

[signalhill-if]

Btw I'm sorry that thing I tried to do yesterday didn't work out, after the technical difficulties I got kind of exhausted about the whole thing and there wasn't really enough interest to justify to myself to keep going. I took down the things I did put up kind of on a whim because it felt weird to leave it up without knowing if I was going to continue. In retrospect maybe I should have just left them and then continued the next day or whatever, but y'know. It is what it is. I may put something like that back up soon, just not right this instant.

Woe, discussion of creative endeavours and audience interaction lie below. Turn back, all ye who do not want to read my thoughts about insecurities with sharing stories.

I think to be honest I was a little disheartened by the results of that poll, because if there's anything I don't want Signal Hill to be it's the kind of game where you play along with a story you don't really care about so you can obtain romance scenes with a generic tropey love interest? Not that that's a bad way for a story to be if that's what the author wants it to be, but I know there are a lot of authors who have their work treated like that when it's not intended to be that, and it's obviously kind of hurtful. That's part of why I've resisted having any kind of romantic relationships in my games, and why I want to stress over and over that the relationships in Signal Hill are not going to be "traditional" or particularly tropey in any way.

It's not that I'm not happy to have people be interested in my characters, and of course I'm well aware that the light-skinned skinny gender conforming male character is going to wind up being the most popular in an IF (though I am not remotely happy about that fact, but that's another discussion entirely), but more that I'm just a little overwhelmed by the disparity. Obviously I love all of these characters, but Doc just isn't very important to the main plot? So the sheer difference between him and all of the characters you're expected to spend most of your time with just makes me feel weird. Have I not done a good job of "promoting" the other characters? Have I not made their stories sound interesting enough? That's something I've historically struggled with a good deal. I have to hope that folks will still be interested in pursuing the story even if they aren't interested in playing out a romantic scene with the characters they're siding with.

The thing I'm trying not to do is change the story because of outside influence like this. I don't want to make any characters more or less important because they're more or less well liked, and I don't want to change them to pander to an audience who otherwise wouldn't be interested. That also means not changing characters like Doc or the plans I have for him out of concern that some people are going to treat the actual game as secondary. Just like I don't want to pander to an audience that wouldn't otherwise be interested, I can't go around changing things out of a reactive fear that I'm unintentionally pandering to those people.

It's difficult, though, because from a practical perspective, does that mean the time I spend writing a scene with Doc in it is inherently more valuable than the time spent writing a scene with KC in it? Is there a point where few enough players will be playing those scenes that it becomes wasted time to write them? When I write variations into those scenes, how likely is it that nobody's ever going to read that string of 200 words? I'm not sure, but it is something I think about, especially when cutting down on wasted work in gave development is something I'm actively learning about in college.

Sorry, wow, this has been longer than I expected! I'm going to try to do a good amount of writing tonight and just focus on making progress. I'm trying to avoid feature creep, but I've just come up with a fun little collectible mission that I couldn't not add, and I need to do a little bit of coding to finish it up. Thank you for putting up with my rambling, if you've read this far.

[septembersghost]

Since I haven't seen you discuss this topic:

What do you think is Tom's feelings regarding hiddleswift/Taylor these days?Do you think he holds some resentment towards her? Because I feel like he was really into her and thought that relationship was heading somewhere. He also chose to date her in the peak of kimye drama(something we (rightfully) praise joe for) and it cost him a role.His reputation and the respect he garnered as an actor was Lower than ever after that. He introduced her to his family and was really hurt when asked about her at golden globes. But Taylor not only used him to get out of a toxic relationship but also had eyes on someone else the whole time. Then she released a song(that slaps btw I LOVE GETAWAY CAR) that blatantly calls him a rebound. We know her enough to know her reasons to do it, what she was going through, how joe was her light et ...but if someone used me like that I would take a long time to forgive them if ever. So do you think taylor is the 'bad ex'(zhe is not she is flawed) in his love life?

[Inspired by recent comments from Tom's team regarding his relationship with zawe

A source said: 'Tom really has fallen for Zawe in a big way. But he is so paranoid about his private life since his relationship with Taylor that he has gone to great lengths to keep this under wraps.'

Tom told the New York Times after his romance with Taylor: 'Yes, I'm protective about my internal world now in probably a different way. That's because I didn't realize it needed protecting before.']

i don't talk about this too much for ~reasons~, but it's a late night conversation so i saved it for liminal hours

there are certain fans of taylor's who are shockingly nasty about this and treat tom like trash and mock him for falling hard and fast (lol hypocritical. as if she doesn't?), and act like he somehow was in the wrong here, and i think they are VERY WEIRD.

there are certain fans of tom's who are misogynistic slut shamers who will offer her no grace for the extraordinarily Bad place she was in when all of this happened, and i think they are frightfully mean.

i was a fan of both of them before they hooked up, and remain so, and i have a lot of sympathy for them both in this situation, but the way she handled it was a mistake, and hurt me for him. i say that with nothing but care for her, which i'm sure you know is clear. people we like can still do the wrong thing. getaway car is a banger showstopper incredible never the same, my fave rep track, but it took me...a while...to be able to listen to it without a twinge of guilt...? "if someone used me like that I would take a long time to forgive them if ever." same, and i don't think he has any obligation TO forgive her, though i'd imagine he has.

so. here's where we have to have space for people to be human and thus flawed. she acted rashly and i believe somewhat carelessly in this situation. "i wounded the good and i trusted the wicked" has actually always read as a quiet tom reference to me, but then she did long story short and...anyway. he has a particularly stellar reputation as a thoughtful/considerate/gentlemanly guy. the profile he did with gq where he talked about her is an interview that i find remarkably compassionate and honest. the fact that swifties will quickly weaponize for her when she's slighted at all, yet mock tom for being deeply hurt by what happened, does not sit right with me. she fucked up. she shouldn't have gotten entangled with him, to escape calvin nor when she already had the deep feelings we know she had for joe. you can say that and still recognize that she was VERY hurt and struggling enormously with various things in her life at that point. i don't think any partner could've withstood the scrutiny piled on tom at that moment, nor the heinous fallout of the kimye drama. but he clearly wanted to support her, and she was...not there and not okay.

the fact that it dinged his reputation (sigh) or cost him a role is horrible, but not her fault, it's the industry being ruthless and a nightmare at times. but he's rebuilt himself from that quite well, and never lost respect where it mattered, no matter what tabloids might print.

i don't believe he resents her, partially because he doesn't seem to be wired in that way. he's never said anything but lovely comments about her as a person, as the woman HE knew. i DO think he profoundly resents what that relationship did insofar as the press coverage and surrounding hoopla and meanness, and that it jaded him quite severely (understandably) and caused him to clamp up and share far less with the public, which...is well within his rights, people were weird as fuck towards this man due to the marvel stuff LONG before he dated taylor, so it might've gotten bad for him eventually regardless, but the mockery and judgment and cruelty that happened there...he didn't deserve that at all, he still doesn't. what happened with tom changed taylor too, it's a big part of the reason she and joe keep things so tightly under wraps and have for over six years. i do not blame tom for being a bit paranoid (i mean, GROSS things happened when he was on broadway totally disconnected to the taylor aftermath that probably would've made him more careful/paranoid anyway, some people have no boundaries), and i definitely don't blame him for trying to keep the woman he loves who is his partner and the mother of his child as far out of that glare as possible. i hope they're so happy and have a wonderful life together. tbh i hope he barely thinks about any of this and is just thriving in his personal life and career in whatever ways he chooses to follow.

[tartrazeen]

In the top 10 heartbreaking moments of the show, we have absolutely got that part where - after Lugad shows up - Rohan's waffling on whether or not he can fight him, and when Angus says something like, "You're comparing Lugad to the family that raised you," Rohan's like ":( u don't understand, he's my brother" and runs away.

Literally the whole show is Rohan or Angus going on and on about how long they've known each other, actually using that to break the Enchantment Of The Week the one time Rohan gets all scared of everything, and throwing that in both of their faces during that episode where Angus gets framed and Rohan's accused of lying to cover for him 'cause "isn't it true you'd do anything to help him" (lmao no random village-lawyer man, it's the other way around 🙃).

But the whole show is also very, very careful about having them call each other their best friend exclusively. It's like a hard line drawn between that and between Rohan whining about wanting to know who his family is (also kinda throwing it in Angus' face in the episode where Rohan says, "I'd use a wish to find out my family is"), so - like... you'd think it wouldn't be such a surprise to anyone. They also fight all the time because "Punching someone in the face is an excellent way to break through spells 💖" and "Rohan wtf did you say to him now"

Buuuuut Rohan doesn't meet his family until the end of the show, so those two talking about 'best friends' basically means 'brother' until Lugad shows up and they finally have something to compare it to. And the second after that comparison's made, Rohan downgrades everybody else in his mind. Particularly Angus.

It just says a lot that Rohan's an orphan who was adopted by a druid (and by Angus first lmao #Rohan's Primary Caretaker) and never shuts up about wanting to know his real family, and Angus - who is ALSO AN ORPHAN but wasn't taken in by anyone who wasn't a guard dragging his ass off to jail - never mentions wanting to know his 'real' family even once.

... 'cause...

He's got one.

It's Rohan.

Obviously.

So right up until the point where Angus asks Rohan, "Dude, you know you've got us, right? Like we've been the people raising you this whole time. We're your family. Specifically me," it's like Angus was always fully confident in how Rohan saw him 'cause he just assumed it was mutual, especially when Rohan is all Angus has and we see him endlessly demonstrating it (to the point of Angus solo-taming a dragon mid-argument-where-Angus-was-absolutely-correct-to-be-pissed-at-Rohan to go rescue the guy and later being like, "Cathbad's magic wasn't enough to help Rohan in today's episode, so I'm gonna go yell at King Fin Varra WHICH IS ORDINARILY A BAD IDEA 'cause I'm not gonna let Rohan live cursed by whatever-the-fuck Maeve did to him this week")...

... and Rohan shatters that by effectively saying, "That's nice, dear. Hey so this guy who showed up five days ago, and that I found out was my half-brother two days ago? He now means more to me than you, who - and I cannot stop joining you in emphasizing this every episode - I have known for pretty much my entire life, even before I met Cathbad and was definitely relying on you to keep us alive 'cause I'm too hoighty-toighty to be a thief even if I was starving, and we 100% were starving back then because you still eat like someone who never had reliable access to food. actually who even are u lol ew go away"

I mean, in the show, Angus just switches to being like, "k cool i'm gonna go crash garrett's car into a tree for fun now," but Rohan said that to his *face*.

You think you know a guy and dedicate your life to keeping the idiot alive...

:/

(btw i love rohan. but i also even-more-love how perfectly thoughtless, inconsiderate and self-absorbed he gets and how thankless it is for angus to be so devoted anyway)

(also yes i know it's because the no-family thing hits rohan extra-hard and he's going through some shit and everyone's trying to prey on his emotions so he never really got to angus' level of "ya obviously we're family, screw everyone else", so it's not like i'm saying rohan is doing this on purpose lol. the poor guy has some viciously low self-esteem and he does seem like he feels terrible about this - but he always feels terrible about it and it's always directly at angus' expense until someone (usually angus himself) fixes rohan's problem, and then angus has to be like, "🫠 it's fine, that's just how rohan is, i'm gonna make out with deirdre for a while ok")

[petalsmooth]

The Bridgerton fandom is beyond toxic and delusional btw.

Particularly Kanthony stans, Benophie stans and yes Nic/Pen, Lukola stans...all of whom have NO bearing on real life careers or performances. Though they can impact moods of the individual actors and their loved ones unfortunately. Which is why most of the actors limit their social media intake or don't use it at all.

Kanthony fans thought they could sabotage season 3. Season 3 surpassed in ratings.

Benophie fans joined with them because bitter not next season, failed too. Now both try to down talk season 3 as if you can hurt it at this point when the numbers are already logged?

Benophie's also running their mouths about how they'll "save" Bridgerton with season 4. Considering Netflix chiefs are crediting Polin, Nic and Luke for not only outpacing in subscribers but by lifting all the other Bridgerton seasons and QC...good luck "saving" anything. But I do guarantee if you all keep this up and don't perform better than season 3 that your words are going to be hung around your nextthe way Kanthony's were. Remember general audience is not the insular toxic Bridgerton audience. You have to impress them...not your insular circles.

I'm not rooting against the season btw...but I do have a long memory.

Bridgerton Nic/Pen stans somehow convincing themselves Nic's career ascendancy began with them and particularly this season rather than back with Derry Girl's. She would have had a larger role in Barbie if season 3 schedule wasn't in way. She was ear marked to have more ascendancy before the season began in printed media because already on rise for last decade. These new roles didn't suddenly appear in last 2 months which Nic herself has said. Which is great for her because I've loved her awhile but there is a reason her career is moving faster than others out of the gate now no longer contracted to have to "lead" a season.

"Lukola" stans who seem to have decided Luke "betrayed" them and Nicola. Since they can't even credibly claim he did so romantically (though how they have tried), insist Luke having his GF at the premiere kept season 3 from being top 3 on Netflix now because ruined all the hard work poor Nic did. You delusional idiots.

First off LUKE did half that pr work because the GA wasn't watching those interviews just for her no matter how delusional you may be to think otherwise. They were watching because of their chemistry. It wasn't NIC's Premiere. It was HIS and NIK's premiere. HIS and HER work. And he damn well can bring anyone he likes to the premiere and if that bothers you...you are the one with the problem. Luke is not the only person in the show that should be forbidden from having people he cares for attend because of delusional stalkers on his tail. This is not the 1940's where the studio controls the actors and the fans get fed lies about their relationship regardless of the actor's feelings and thank God. If you are mad about that form of hard earned progress made decades ago, you shouldn't be watching a show that claims to be progressive to begin with.

Also, bringing her to the premiere didn't do a THING to hurt reception of the show. The only thing it did was hurt your delusion he had broken up with her a few weeks prior which was all the gossip at the time. THAT'S why you are mad and have been mad ever since, because he refuses to break up with a woman so you can continue to accessorize him with Nic to live vicariously through her. You are mentally deranged people who need therapy. You are the same people who rejoiced with he broke up with Jade and thought you influenced that too. You did NOT.

Now I don't mind liking the two and wishing they were together romantically but at this point I'm glad they aren't. I can only imagine if they WERE and DID break up if you treat him this way for having done ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG. Forbid actual feelings were involved and hurt what you'd all do then since you stalk and badger and bully and harass and lie and spread malicious gossip and try to hurt him as it is now simply for be friends with her her...which she reciprocates and seems perfectly content with.

Lastly, this group has some half witted theory that if they can't break up his relationship they can torpedo his career...and have succeeded. All because Luke hasn't announced upcoming projects yet. But if only he will hand over his life to them, they will make it all better and its not too late.....and I just want to laugh.

Even if it WERE true, I think I'd rather have no career than be reliant in their toxicity for one.

Second, Luke is not NEAR as open on social media as he used to be or as others are now including Nic. And given way he's been treated by these people wouldn't expect to change just to feed the same masses claiming he is a loser, pedophile (for dating someone in mid twenties' when he's barely in his '30's, and trying to refrain from giving him any credit for season 3' success or pr campaign. Seriously...the spread negativity to force the actor to refute and give you content is SO blatantly obvious and played out as a trick. Good on him for not falling for it.

Third...the idea Luke wouldn't at very least book another play or something on level of what the people who play Phillipa book is laughable to me. Seriously...these people have convinced themselves they've made him toxic gossiping online about his gf to point can't book anything. It's reading to me as delusional as Kanthony fans convincing themselves Polin had no fans. You all really should be best friends, you aren't unalike.

Regardless I am calling these people out but I want to end with saying none of them really are fans of Kate, of Anthony, if Jonny, of Simone, of Benedict, of Sophie, of Luke T, of Nic, or Penelope, or Colin or Luke N. Fans of theirs never would have behaved this way about their characters and these actors who all care and support each other. I find you people pathetic, impotent liars who are consistently ALWAYS shown to be wrong in time and not worth EVER catering to. I look forward to the next two seasons in fact because the two leads of those seasons don't use social media at ALL and it serves you all right. you are going to be suffocated for content and couldn't happen to worse people.

Lastly, in regards to the show....Luke's GF went to NY premiere and didn't affect reception of part one at all. Part two had nothing to do with him or his GF and everything to do with lousy plotting and writing and taking focus off POLIN and minimal scenes of Colin and just generally deciding to have the characters spend the last two episodes not talking, at odds, arguing, betrayed, very little romance and when they were romantic moments all colored by the deception they show hadn't let them work through. I can't possibly imagine why the GA who was told this was going to be a rom com season and romantic was incredibly put off by part 2. Even so still watched in large numbers, it just didn't have the viral effect of the carriage to pull past season 1 and that is on Jess and Shonda and how DARE you put that on Luke. He didn't write the show. I'm pretty sure if he DID and if Nicola DID it would have been far lighter and this deception wouldn't have carried until end of ep 6 and we'd all have been happier.

Instead he got less screen time than Benedict, you know the "savior" of season 4 according to Benophies, who basically had a sl celebrating how overjoyed he is not to commit to anyone. What a wonderful use of resources Shonda/Jess. So glad you chose to make this is the season where you have a sibling surpass the actual lead for screentime despite claiming each sibling gets their own year to shine before stepping back. How well did that work for you? Because I don't see network chiefs bragging about the number of re-watches those Benedict threesomes put up this year? But I'm sure they would have loved more Colin/Polin scenes to go with the Pen scenes and another viral moment like the carriage scene in place of them.

And since I'm ranting I'll go there as well. Those people at Netflix know which characters and scenes are pulling the most views, So does the show. I had heard time again from certain fanbases how other characters and couples were going to have to pull up Polin's numbers to save the season, then when the numbers came out heard it was because they were watching everyone else. Well. the netflix creative exec didn't single anyone else out. I'd love to get my hands on the numbers POLIN was doing next to the mediocre subplots they wrote. My guess is a fairly huge discrepancy. I'd also bet Shonda and Jess were having some regrets didn't put more scenes in for them this season if forced to be honest too.

I'm not against subplots mind you as someone who likes other characters and wishes to see them but the ones this season were very weak or in case of Eloise...maddening as so out of character. Only the Featherington's really shined in theirs. Another problem for season 4 if you remove them from the show, since no one else stepped up in secondary plotting.

For people who prefer little to no subplots, watch Queen Charlotte. That show would have been better if had more and a stronger complimentary cast, as it was the lead story of Charlotte and George was good but other than that not much reason to watch it again which is why I haven't. Reason I always loved season 1 is between both lead and supporting stories held interest. I don't want secondary stories gone, far from it. But I'd like them to be better and not some token always on honeymoon Kanthony, Benedict as Peter pan/threesomes, Eloise with bully Cressida etc...and shouldn't come at expense of telling the stories of BOTH lead characters which happened with Colin. Who SHOULD have gotten to resolve HIS family issues the way Pen did her, and have his innermost thought actually vocalized to someone other than Cressida and Fife along the way.

Kanthony should have had a REAL story (hate their fans, not the couple) and I've said in past could have taken from their book and have Kate with nightmares and tie it into her pregnancy and being a mother and having lost her mother. If you wanted Benedict to explore fluidity, why not START of season? Why did you do it at end when knew leading into his next? SO badly plotted.

If you as a show are tired of the diamond plot, don't make a pale copy of it with a "Sparkler". It was a season of wallflowers and overlooked and outcase people right? Why then waste out time with Francesca and the Queen and Lady D. Lady D SHOULD have been involved with the wallflower plot. Jess' excuse for not being was trash imo. Makes it look like Lady D only cares about the beautiful and powerful the way they've done it, complete character assassination from the book.

Why insist Queen Charlotte have to air first and then not tie in the younger version's struggle with finding a place in society until chess game at the end? You could have linked their stories far earlier and watched that chess game play out from ep 1. Such a missed opportunity to tie threads together. Just as not having Benedict explore earlier meant couldn't tie in brimsley as a subplot.

And I don't even want to start on Eloise again...except she is still where she has always been. No growth at all until maybe last episode or two. The show likes to pretend there were consequences for her, but ere there? The only thing she learned was not everyone was Penelope and would listen to anything she rambled about without listening to them in return. Either have Eloise really walk a mile in Pen's shows on the side of ballrooms unnoticed or bullied, or do the opposite and have her make friends with people who don't just talk and explore the difference between what IS possible vs what she WISHES were possible or hell...I have an idea. Why not have tied her into the Mondriches? People not born to privilege thrust into that world and have Eloise maybe finally catch a clue through them how lucky she's been but also...check some of her more radical prejudices. I don't think anyone believes Alice is dominated by the rule of her husband. Maybe they tried that with Cressida, but Cressida is a bully and falls flat.

[cyberr4t]

idk but i dont really identify with the narrative of im trans bc i killed the person that was in this body and now im happier and im better then them

i feel like i've actually always been this way and right now i just have more tools to understand and to be who i am.

i can't abandon the traumatized trans kid i was bc that kid is still in here. They live inside this body. There are wounds still wide open and now that i know where some of them come from, i can heal and feel better about my traumatized trans kid past. I never pretended to be cis or that never was like, i was miserable bc i thought i was a woman and now im happier because im actually trans.

I was miserable bc my reality sucked. It sucked being the only queer person in school. The only proud kid for being gay and feeling platonic about the girls in class and in movies/video games. It sucked to not be able to talk about it to my friends. It sucked to not being able to talk about my sexuality and gender in my house.

I grew in a very quiet-hostile environment that led me to think i was wrong, disgusting, broken and unable to love. I had to prove myself wrong everyday and to reaffirm that being queer was actually something very cool. I had to built some kind of wall to block trauma at the same time i had to built confidence on my messy identity. I wanted to be like the boys, i wanted to be tough. I wanted to be soft and loved and cared for, i wanted more time. I wanted a dick so girls would love me back, but i wanted for them to not pursue me as a boy, bc at the time i thought manhood meant bad and abusive things.

I grew out of those experiences, yes. I changed. I changed a lot of concepts about what it means to me to be trans, to love women and yet not really feel like one, to love ppl with complex gender and to be someone with a complex gender. But it is not over yet. My trans kid is still looking out for me, searching for me, wishing me luck into our journey of being who we are.

And i think i'm still searching for all of those things. I think i wont ever find closure to those experiences by """becoming man""". I dont want to become shit. I want to prove the kid i was IT IS POSSIBLE to be all the things i am AND be in peace with what happened.

I dont think manhood is a bad thing anymore. I dont think womenhood only gave me trauma and frustration. I suffered from both. I experience both. And i'm probably none of those. And if i was, i wanted to be only the good perfect parts about it, but i'm not. I'm not becoming anything, im looking out for me. Searching for me in a world in which gender itself is already a tabboo, an unwanted topic.

btw i do respect other trans experiences and how we respond to transness in different ways and yes i do think it is valid to not relate to the person that used to be in your body and how changes (transitioning) modify your perspective to the point it really feels like someone died

but i particularly don't really desire that. i don't wish to all the pain i've been through to die. I wanna be able to be angry and to heal it, not shove it down to earth. I want to KNOW what i've been through, bc most of it i made myself forget. And i want to grow out of it, to learn myself. I want to have memory about things and have the right to remember those things.

And i think not feeling that i need to kill whoever been in this body before is a valid trans experience either.

[apteryxdrake]

This is one of the many reasons I have an impossible time writing the blurb for my books. I created a universe where bigotry like ours (for the most part) doesn't exist so there's a safe place for those of us with marginalized identities (not just queerness btw). And those characters who would be visibly queer in our world are just people in TSU. Two women fall in love and it's just love. A kid changes her gender mid-story and no one makes a fuss.

I have multiple trans characters but they're not really mentioned as something separate to cis people because the aliens in TSU don't culturally have that distinction. In fact, I'm in the process of making character files for my website because transness is so normal I have no way in the prose to specifically point out who's trans to readers. I actually have the same problem with fat representation too. I don't know how to describe the different shapes of characters without using words (like fat) that will have negative connotations for certain readers. Urg, language is hard.

But, the structure of the universe is what's deliberately designed to be queer friendly, the characters are just who they are, queer or straight, no body cares in the story. And how does one adequately describe that in a blurb that doesn't sound performative? The design of the universe is deliberate but I'm not virtue signaling with it to prop up my ego or look good to others, I designed the universe as a sanctuary for those of us with marginalised identities. But there's no way, particularly with neurotypical culture and the internet culture in general to describe these things in a way that won't piss off someone, even within our own communities.

And now I'm heading towards a rant about how there's no room in online discourse for people to learn and ask questions without getting yelled at...

But... yes. The internet is filled with contradictions where people bemoan a lack of queer rep in prose, but in the same breath criticise authors who advertise their prose as queer for being performative. It's frustrating.

Tumblr: "Why is there no good queer rep in books? Where is all the good gay writing? I can't find it!"

Also Tumblr: "If queer authors describe their books in a way that centers the queerness, I am going to accuse them of pandering and not being good authors, because clearly they can't describe their books beyond 'it's queer.'"

[vampirae]

❄️ Virgo rising makes you shy, no matter how many "extroverted" placements you have. You're shy, critical of yourself, image, life decisions etc. In some cases this placement makes you prone to low self-esteem and depression.

❄️ Scorpio rising like hugs + the back = hugging you from the back, being hugged from the back, hugging or being hugged from the back meanwhile sleeping or having sex. It doesn't matter, they just want to protect or feel protected.

❄️ Virgo men can be summed up in two types: the heartbreaker or "I can fix him/her". If you're really different and problematic but they click with you, they'll have a hard time letting you go or giving up on you. Also the heartbreaker ends up at some point of their life being the second type lol.

❄️ Okay, but let's talk about how Mutable placements attract eachother particularly Sun and Moon signs. Like they really don't care about "incompatibility", you're their soulmate and they are yours.

❄️ You have some fascination for the sun sign that have the same element of your moon sign. Fire moon signs tend to have a romantic attractions btw.

❄️ Cardinal placements attract eachother like crazy but also they're so incompatible lol. I've seen this attraction mostly between sun, moon, venus and mars signs.

❄️ Rising sign and mars sign plays a such important role when it comes to vibing and attraction. You can be momentarily seduced by someone who has their sun/venus in the same sign as your rising/mars sign.

❄️ I've noticed that mars and venus are extremely important when it comes to attraction. Like all your placements may scream incompatible but if your venus and mars are compatible it's a fatal attraction (squares and opposition makes it all way too sexy even if painful sometimes like once in a week).

❄️ Extremely specific, but Scorpio rising, who doesn't known was a Scorpio rising because had the wrong birth time or other reasons, usually had a previous rising rising that ppl suggested (like wrong birth time). Strangely enough when they discover the truth many ppl reject the fact, usually saying that the other sign who in most cases it's more cheerful, delicate or less intense suit them the most. It's like ppl reject to face your identity and your intensity.

❄️ In my honest opinion the best matches for your venus/mars sign are other ppl with the same polarity (aka feminine or masculine ) or same qualities (Cardinal, Fixed and Mutable).

❄️ Ppl understimate the power of sextiles like stop sleeping on them. Particularly when it comes to rising, venus or midheaven. They can make you hella attractive and heavily change the perception that ppl have of you.

❄️ Sagittarius and Pisces energy may be too overwhelming sometimes, like ppl tend to forget that one is ruled and the other co-ruled by Jupiter. Particularly Sun/Rising signs can be too much sometimes. Both need expansion and personal freedom.

❄️ Saturn in 5th doesn't want to be mediocre or be perceived as mediocre. They want to be different, influential or meaningful.

❄️ Intercepted stellium, how do you feel? Totally acting like your stellium sign/house but feel separated/dissociating. Like it's not me fr (and many close ppl will say the same), yet acting like it most of the time.

❄️ Stellium it's a bless but mostly perceived and probably is a curse. Like you perceive yourself like a monolithic block and you can escape some traits or behaviour witch are true (that are even more painful if your stellium is in a different sign from your sun sign). Yes, you may lack diversity and feel like a complete mess when it comes to the sign in which your stellium sign is, but let me say, you're owning it, bad and good qualities you're owning it. You're not boring, you're probably one of the most confident ppl (or will become) you ever met.

❄️ Virgo placements and the love for kittens 🥺 even if they're more dog-like people.

[ha-hatdog]

daisuke kambe hcs

- what is it like to be dating daisuke kambe/domestic life with daisuke kambe

i hope you don't mind but i slapped two requests together because they were nearly similar. since i am making one post with two requests, i'll try to make this longer. i hope you enjoy this

requested by anon (i just turned my anon ask and i'll just go ahead and presume you want to be anon hehe sorry about that) : Hi, I saw your post. 😳 I just wanna say goodluck to your writing! and I'll be looking forward to them in the future. ❤ (Your anon asks aren't on btw. 😔) And for the request, it can be a headcanon or a short fic/scenario, whichever you like. :3 But can I please get soft/domestic Daisuke to his s/o (which is the reader)? Like, they're taking care of each other stuff. ❤👁👄👁

uwu thank you so much and i look forward to writing more stories for you

requested by @holdmejk : what it’s like to date daisuke 🥺

i wonder too how it would be like to date this rich man so here ya go

__

haru kato is the simple man, simple life

there is no way daisuke kambe can be considered the same. this is the very reason why haru hates the man with a burning passion

waking up with daisuke goes two ways - the normal soft wake up, or the after sex wake up

if you wake up normally, you will always find yourself on his chest, a hand over the small of your back and the other behind your head, pressing you close to him as if you were his leverage to the real world

you never get tired of seeing him peaceful and cute that you kiss him everywhere your lips can touch - his chest, his cheek, his nose, his forehead, but never his lips

daisuke loves waking up to your kisses but what really gets rid of his sleepiness is the annoyance he felt that you never kiss him on the lips

he will lift his head up from the pillow while holding your head and lean forward to capture your lips. no, he doesn't care about morning breath, he cares about your kisses

if you two had sex the night before, it's a different story because it's daisuke who always wakes up first this time around because you know, he tired the hell out of you

he runs his fingers through your matted tresses as the side of his head rested against his open palm, elbow proped up on his pillow

he loves how you look so happy and satisfied and peaceful. he admires your beauty silenty, a small smile on his lips

he'll try to go another round because he can't help himself when you look so enticing but you stop him because you were already so tired

you will drown in luxurious things. this daisuke kambe we are talking about. what did you expect?

you want it? you got it. you like it? you got it. you need it? you got it. your eyes looked at it a second too long? you got it

daisuke believes you deserve the best of the best so whatever you wanted, bam, something much better

flowers? you get a garden. chocolate? you get a factory. movies? you get a theater. cup noodles? you get a ramen shop or the actual cup noodles company. dress? you get your own clothing line that trumps over versace and gucci

oh you think you can stop daisuke from spoiling you just because you begged him and showed him your big doe eyes? he was tempted for sure but there is no way he'll be holding back, especially after seeing your big doe eyes (yup, that plan backfired)

one hard thing about dating a millionaire? you can't buy anything for him

you do not have the money to lavish him the same, and even if you did, it's stupid to assume daisuke can't afford the same things you plan on buying for him. maybe he'll buy something even better

so instead of spoiling him like he does to you, you buy him trinkets that remind you of him

daisuke has no clue as to why items could remind you of him but he still keeps everything you buy for him close to him like in his office so he can always see them

you bought daisuke a goofy looking bobble head and he put it on the dashboard of his super cool looking car and haru was like the hell is that

daisuke sped through the streets before haru could make a comment

daisuke trust you more than anyone. more than suzue, more than haru, more than himself, more than his credit card

that being said, you are the only one he allows to patch him up after a particularly rough day at work

he will literally drive all the way to your shared home while bleeding out, enter your shared room as more blood trailed his face and deadass say "Can you help me? My head is bleeding"

you scold him for being so reckless and for always giving you a heart attack whenever he comes home in that condition

he doesn't mind being lectured tho because he still gets to feel your soft touches and gets lots and lots of kisses from you

he doesn't get why you kiss his wounds after patching him up. like his wounds are dirty? it still hurts? what was the science behind it? he still won't get it even if you explain it to him but he'll take note for reference

when you get injured, you are obligated to tell daisuke that you are not severely hurt that he had to call the hospitals all around the world to come heal you

you had to snatch the phone from him at one point when he tried to contact professional surgeons from america after you scratched yourself from a bush

daisuke at least knows how to use the first aid kit and no matter how little your injury may be, he will always proceed with the basics because he's very worried about you (though his face doesn't show it), that your small wound would get infected, and then you'll be on your death bed saying your last words, and then he's kneeling on your grave -

you had no idea this is what goes on inside his head every time you get injured

he also kisses your wounds after patching them up. he still doesn't understand the reason as to why you and others do it, but he does it because you do it

daisuke doesn't allow you to move a muscle aftee he's done fixing your wounds. he acts as if you have a terminal disease and would check on you every five minutes when he's working at home and calls you every three minutes when doing police work (haru gets annoyed with that habit so you had a talk with him)

dates with daisuke is far from simple. you either go to the most expensive resorts or attractions in japan or you're going out of the country. yes, your dates are basically mini vacations

so that's the reason why whenever you two want to spend time together, you are in charge. you can't always go to malaysia and england every weekend. plausible when you're with daisuke but you're not having it

you try to make your dates as simple as it can be. like what regular couples would do like going to movies (he was irritated because he had to sit near other people because he only wants to be near you), hanging out in the mall ("No, Daisuke, don't you dare buy that Gucci bag for me, I just glanced at it - oh for fuck sake"), and eating food from stands (Daisuke was confused like where will you two sit so you can eat your food properly?)

you two went ice skating and you guided him as he wobbled on his skates. you never let go of him because the first time you let go of him so he can try to balance alone in the ice, he looked very worried and made grabby hands at you

he becomes better at skating after doing it so many times. you were a little jealous because he's better than you now

daisuke his whole life always had a professional chef make something for him and when he began dating you, he also began inviting other professional chefs to make something for you two

but as your relationship grew stronger, you began cooking for him and you made him feel so special and he couldn't react properly

sometimes he watches you cook and helps with the cutting (you stopped him when he cut himself), but most of the time he's at his office and you bring his food to him and he scolrs you because he wants to eat properly with you ay the dining table

bringing food to his office is a no no. eating together at the dining table and sharing stories together is a yes yes

you don't know if the food you make for him is good or bad to be honest because he always has a deadpan face and if it is bad he won't tell because he'll hurt your precious little feelings but he'll be blunt as hell if it was another person

don't even wish that daisuke will cook for you. don't get him wrong tho, he really wants to but he's been pampered a little too much that he can't distinguish onion from garlic. he just thinks garlic is an elderly onion lmao

so yeah, daisuke cannot cook

but he likes cleaning the dishes with you because he can spray you with water and he'll hear your giggles. you always break many plates when you clean dishes and always drenched in water after your little fight

having the same authority with his AI. you rarely use the AI unless absolutely necessary and you can communicate with daisuke through it. you always mess with daisuke and you'll say something to the AI like "dial haru" and AI will go like "contacting haru kato" daisuke will go "cancel dial" and then AI says "cancelling contact" and you'll say "dial haru again" and the cycle goes on

late night walks are common for you two. when he comes home earlier than he originally does, he will insist you to take a walk on his private property and if he's feeling extra generous, he'll let you take him outside and to the park or something

you can take him to the convenience, the gas station, the prison - as long as he's with you, he's fine

stargazing is part of the late night walks. he'll point at a star and you'll say what constallesation that star was part of

"do you want that star"

"no daisuke"

"i can buy it"

"you are not buying a star"

daisuke : (꒪-꒪) ⇨(¬､¬)

he loves kissing you on the lips. your lips and kisses were just so addicting and sweet that he can't find another better place to kiss you

plus your blush is too adorable. he smirks whenever you get flustered. add a soft embrace to the mix, and his heart melts

daisuke will always open the door for you. in cars, in restaurants (he'll pull your chair for you too), in anywhere

he won't let you open a door as long he's there with you cause he's a simp for you

he won't care about any other person trying to enter an establishment after you enter. he'll let go of the door handle and won't even turn if he hears a loud thump behind him

you know what else he loves? hand holding. daisuke always holds your hand whenever you're outside and will only let go if absolutely necessary like going to the comfort room

he likes playing with your fingers while you love tracing the lines on his palm. you'll probably make a cheesy joke that you can see him marrying you in his future and he goes ( ºΔº )

"how do you know i was planning to marry you?" ( ºΔº ) "can you really read palms?"

you always massage each other because stress. when you massage him, he'll let out small mewls that just makes you go omg so cute but when he massages you - he will whip out the best of best stuff for massage

he will play relaxing music for you. you fall asleep whenever daisuke massages you because he's just so good with his hands

you know what else those hands are good for? touching your body in places that'll make you blush but he mostly especially likes cupping your butt because he thinks its so cute

you don't try to do the same because last time you did, you couldn't walk the day after. don't seduce daisuke if you're not prepared for a pounding

you like grocery shopping with daisuke. sure you can always order someone else to do it or you can make use of shopping as a time to bond with each other

you two work out together. daisuke is a boxer and learning that, you begged him to teach you to box but he didn't because what if he hurts you and instead, taught you how to workout and how to defend yourself

he wanted to test out if his self defense lessons were truly learned so he hired someone to pretend to steal something from you

he learned that his self defense lessons was fruitful because the man he hired came back with bruises and such

when daisuke admitted, he slept on the couch for an entire week

in your birthday, you woke up feeling nervous because it's your birthday - meaning daisuke must be up to some expensive shit

then you realized you're not in your bedroom. it was a completely different bedroom

you were scared honestly and you thought you were kidnapped until daisuke comes into your room wearing his beach wear and his shades while holding two coconuts with straws

"happy birthday. welcome to hawaii, my love"

HOW DID HE BRING YOU THERE WITHOUT WAKING YOU UP

you're just very tired the previous night after some fun activities with daisuke if you know what i mean wink wonk you wouldn't wake up no matter how many times you tried

suzue adores you because daisuke smiles more with you and you're best friends uwu so cuteeee

will always be your peace maker whenever you and daisuke fight. she ships you two. her ship cannot sink

suzue: "just hug it out now. hug it out - I SAID HUG DON'T MAKE OUT YOU TWO ARE GOING TOO FAST"

daisuke loves head pats. he wants them all the time. ruffle ruffle his hair. his eyes will close whenever you pat his head

he only wants you to pat his head. anybody else is a no no. maybe suzue but mostly just you

he lets you get all the groceries while he pushes the cart. he doesn't know the brands he sees on the shelves so he depends on you all the time

there's another reason he likes holding hands with you - he doesn't get lost. there was this time when he got lost because you let go of him and someone called you in the intercom and when you went there, you saw daisuke waiting for you with crossed arms and a balloon and its string around his wrist

the person at service said he was frowning the whole time you were gone and so they gave him a balloon but all he did was frown while playing with the balloon. he's mad because he got lost, you were gone, and you let go of his hand

you two are opposite of haru and his girlfriend in grocery shopping

you love it when his hair is down because he's so cute? can a man really be cute and hot at the same time?

the first you saw him with his hair down, you swooned and coddled him and since then, daisuke makes it his point to put his hair down more often now

taking baths together is just as great as massages. shower? you're not some commoner peasant. you use a very large bathtub

you relax with daisuke in the bathtub with bubbles and wine and sometimes he read you a poem from the poetry book he brings at times

you two always go to bathe together. but if you feel like you wanna bathe alone, daisuke will get all pouty aww and sulk aww

he will sit at the toilet seat and stare at you and when he does this, you can't hold yourself back anymore because he's too adorable and just let him join you with a sigh. he's with you in the bathtub in seconds

but if you don't, he'll leave the bathroom after a while and poke his head at the door, staring at you, as if saying this is your last chance and if you still don't allow him, there is a good chance you'll find him sulking on your bed while lying down, back facing you

just cuddle with him, he'll be fine

haru still doesn't believe daisuke got someone like you as his girlfriend because you're so kind and down to earth and you're dating this rich bastard like whaaaat

you try to make haru see the good qualities of daisuke and every single time you do, daisuke does something to piss him off

you made it your personal mission to experience the regular life of a human being without an unlimited balance

daisuke allows you to style his hair whenever you two sit on the couch. any hairstyles, any accessories, he's open so long your soft fingers are on his hair

you have always wanted a dog and begged daisuke for one but he did not relent, saying it was too much work and although it hurts to see you sad, he had to be strong

this is the only thing and time he said no to you and i'm pretty sure you heard haru scream in horror at the distance in disbelief

then one day you and him were walking down a street when a small puppy trotted up to you two wagging its tail and barking happily at you

you bent down and patted it, cooing and daisuke is wary of that small adorable pup. will it bite you? surely the pup has some common sense

you scooped the pup up and it licked your face and you were laughing and daisuke just has a sudden realization - who looked cuter? you or the puppy? or perhaps you made each other cuter?

daisuke rejected the puppy when you tried giving it to him but you forced it into his arms. daisuke and the pup kinda just stared at each other for a long time. you honestly thought you broke both of them until daisuke kissed the forehead of the puppy, hesitantly but softly

you were shooked (you swore you can hear haru screaming again)

daisuke couldn't help himself. something about the puppy just reminded him of you. it's those puppy eyes

"we need to find its owner, daisuke"

"no"

you told him he cannot buy the puppy because the owner must be worried sick

but it turned out it was a stray lil pup and you adopted her

now daisuke comes home to see you sleeping on the couch waiting for him with the pup in your arms. his heart melts every time

his small little family

for now

Daisuke Kambe let out an exhausted sigh as he parked his car in the garage. His hair was tousled, eyelids dropping, and jacket discarded on the passenger seat beside him. The case earlier has proven difficult than the previous ones he had taken. The criminal was harder to catch with his agility and athletic abilities, and was not easily persuaded when beckoned by cash. Not to mention his partner has been rebuking him the whole time, ranting about how justice workes and how money does not solve everything - basically, the usual. He was extremely fatigued, and all he wanted to do was wash up and go to bed with his beloved in his arms.

A tired smile broke his bland visage at the thought of you. The only reason he hasn't decided to spend the night at a hotel was because you weren't there. The faster he moves, the faster he can get to bed with you. Oh, he can't wait to see you and that little puppy of yours and his.

He exited the car, jacket draped over his shoulder. He sluggishly went to the front door and entered. As he delved further into his mansion, he was immediately greeted by a lovely sight. Your slumbering figure was laid out on the couch, the newly adopted puppy curling near your chest and resting with you. Warmth swaddled his heart and his eyes softened. All of a sudden, the exhaustion he felt has vanished, and all he could do was admire this masterpiece before him. You were waiting for him again.

As much as he wanted to see you like this longer, he couldn't let you sleep on the couch. There's a much more comfortable bed waiting for you upstairs. He approached you with quiet footsteps. The puppy perked up, her superb hearing picking up the sound of his advancement. Daisuke knelt down and stroked her head. "Good evening, Chico." Then he turned to you. You looked so peaceful - parted lips, even breathing. He leaned forward and pecked your cheek, smiling a small smile when you shifted. "Good evening, love."

You let out a yawn as you rubbed your eyes, body shuffling. "Daisuke?" You groaned out. "Is that you?"

Daisuke knew you couldn't see him but he nodded anyway. "You don't have to keep waiting for me like this, you know."

To his surprise, you wrapped your arms around him and pulled yourself closer to his body. "But I want to. And I missed you." You yawned through your statement as you nuzzled your head on his neck. "You still smell good after being outside the whole day. How unfair."

Daisuke let out a chuckle. "Come on. Let's get you to bed." He stood up easily even with your form carried in his arms. Chico jumped out of the couch at the same time and followed Daisuke as he carried you upstairs to your shared room, lying you down carefully on the bed. Daisuke made an attempt to withdraw from the withholding grapple of your arms around his neck but his endeavor was less then proliferant as you have established a stronger hold on him, unrelenting.

Daisuke let out a sigh as he tried to adjust from the uncomfortable stance he was positioned in. "I need to change first, Y/N." Badgered Daisuke, hands resting on your back.

Yet his words did no preclude you and you merely shook your head in response. "No," Your eyes shone with defiance, pout manifesting on your lips. "Stay."

"I'll come back in a few, love. I can't sleep in my work clothes." Insisted Daisuke, resolve crumbling the more he looked into your eyes.

"I don't care. Just stay." You grumbled.

Sometimes Daisuke sometimes wondered just how much power you had over him. He couldn't say no to you, apart for that one time when you asked if you two could get a puppy. Looking back at it, he felt guilty that he did not allow you two to have a dog earlier but if it wasn't for his stubborness, you wouldn't have come across Chico.

Speaking of the little puppy, it had successfully jumped on the bed and let out a merry howl. Distracted by the new development of the young dog, you were able to pull Daisuke down on the space beside you and did not think twice before snuggling to his side, arms embracing him tightly as you grinned happily, a happy giggle exiting your lips. You rubbed your head on his shoulders, sighing contentedly. "You're staying here with us."

Daisuke looked down at your beaming face and looked away, redness tinting his cheeks. "If it can't be helped." He stated, but he knew he made his choice the moment you had told him to stay.

Daisuke slowly wrapped his arms around you and pulled you closer, and you willingly accepted his affection. You were so warm, so loving. How did he ever find you?

And then came the cloud of exhaustion. His eyelids gradually drooped over his sockets, his strength withering every second that had gone by until the last thing he saw before sleep overcame him was you and a bounding Chico burying herself in between the two of you.

[lazywonderlvnd]

*hesitantly steps in the box* Umm.. soo.. I was listening to Cruel Summer by Taylor Swift again and that song (is awesome btw if you haven't listened to it already) just gives me such MAJOR drarry vibes .. like -

" And I screamed, 'for whatever it's worth I love you, ain't that the worst thing you ever heard?' He looks up grinning like a devil. "

Like if that's not drarry I'd chomp my pillows. So .. *twiddling thumbs* could you pls write something with that line as a prompt?? Pretty please 🥺🥺🥺❤️❤️❤️ maybe use the song as inspiration.. idk? Whatever you like. ALSO, don't forget I STILL LOVE YOU that ain't changing yet and you haven't seen the last of me! Imma tail after you for eternity and you better take that as the threat it is! *throws love at you* BYE!! ❤️❤️ *vaults outside the box*

my sweetest most loved angel!! thank u so much for this prompt based on a BOP i was obsessed w when the album first came out. it got sm longer than it was meant to be, so it can be found on ao3 as well!! i hope u like it ilysm ❤️❤️❤️❤️

warnings for minor drug use (weed) and implied suicide of a minor character (lucius, extremely vague reference but pls be aware!)

rating: e word count: ~5k

When Pansy asked him how it started, Draco discovered that he didn’t know what to tell her.

Technically, though, it had started at Ernie Macmillan’s party in the beginning of summer, with the cloying scent of Freesias and Freedom Roses (“Imported from the States,” Ernie told Draco pompously, when he asked) and all those string-lights dangling from the cedar pergola, perennial balls of fire inside their clear bubbles like tiny trapped suns. Cheap beer in plastic cups, Marlboro cigarettes, and some stupid Muggle game ... darts.

Technically.  

* * * 

“Get off me, Potter,” Draco says in a failed whisper. He’s laughing and drunk and fuzzy warm under a sprawling summer’s night sky that looks like black paint. Potter tastes like Guinness every time he kisses him, and his hands are surprisingly soft. In direct opposition to his own command he pulls Potter in by the face and glues their mouths back together ravenously. The alcohol makes him sloppy (he likes it, though — the sloppiness of it) and Potter’s skin is warm where Draco slides his hand under an ugly Muggle band T-shirt to touch. 

Around the corner, he can hear music coming from the patio where nearly every single one of their former classmates are gathered, drinking and laughing and getting along famously with a much-needed buffer of five years between them and their Hogwarts days.

Much-needed for himself and Potter as well. Apparently.

He sees him sometimes, at get-togethers like this or around the Ministry, once or twice at a dinner party thrown by a mutual friend. They’re always cordial. He hasn’t insulted Potter to his face in five years.

Except for tonight, when he couldn’t help himself loudly drawing attention to the similarities between Potter’s hair and one of the shrubs in the garden. But they’re kissing now round the side of the house and because of that he’s quite glad for his slip. And it’s their five-year reunion, so. What would it be without some bickering between the two of them?

Potter presses him into the bricks and snogs him breathless, only he keeps grinning and laughing and ruining everything just when Draco starts losing himself in it.

“Quit laughing,” he scolds him. “You’re the worst, Potter. No etiquette at all.”

“That’s rude,” Potter says. His breath wafts across Draco’s mouth. His eyes are excessively green behind their round frames, which have not changed since their school days. The scar is mostly hidden beneath his wild fringe, save for the very bottom where it slashes neatly through a dark eyebrow and touches his eyelid. “I can’t help it, I’m pissed good and proper.”

His hand moves to Draco’s hip and even through the thickness of the alcohol coating his brain like a muffler he feels that touch clear and ripe as daybreak.

“So  that’s  why you’ve decided to snog me rather than …” He waves a hand vaguely, in lieu of the proper witticism with which he might normally have trounced Potter. “You know. Beat me to a pulp.”

“I only did that one time,” Potter says, grinning. Grinning and moving his thumb in circles on Draco’s hip. “And it was because you were being a twat. And I didn’t beat you to a pulp. You’re so dramatic.”

“Semantics,” Draco says. “I had a bloody nose.”

“And you deserved it.”

“Now who’s being rude?”

Potter kisses him again.

Guinness and Freesias.

* * * 

“Macmillan’s party,” he told Pansy. “He kissed me.”

“So that’s where you disappeared to.” She looked smug. Her inch-long nails were sharpened to a point and painted a glossy black, and she drummed them against her cheek, the way a cat flicks its tail. “I’m surprised you kept it from me this whole time.”

“Well,” said Draco, lowering his gaze to his glass of wine and watching it flirt dangerously with the lip as he swirled it. His cheeks felt warm, but he wasn’t embarrassed. “We snuck around.”

Right, maybe a little embarrassed. Mostly conflicted.

“Oh?” For a single syllable the laughter underneath was remarkably transparent.

He looked up, eyebrows lifted. “Yes,” he said a little defensively. “For obvious reasons. At first it was just sex. A lot of it, so he usually came here. Apparently Granger and the Weasel are notorious for popping round his place unexpectedly.”

* * *

He feels opened up all over again every time Potter fucks into him, unhurried and so careful. His hand is hot on Draco’s thigh, both of them sticky with sweat and come. This has to be their third round at least, and Draco’s sluggish brain insists it might actually be four.

An open window lets in the late afternoon air, humid and drowsy and perfumed heavily with flowers (a la Macmillan, Draco planted Freesias and Freedom Roses outside his bedroom window and helped them along to full bloom with some careful magic). Potter’s hair is damp with sweat — from exertion and the relentless heat of July — and Draco slides his fingers into it, tangles them and pulls the way he’s learned Potter likes. If he’s honest, he’s harboured a very secret and  very  desperate yearning to touch Potter’s hair since he was quite young. He doesn’t know why.

Well, maybe he knows why.

Potter makes a quiet, whimpered noise that curls Draco’s toes. He speeds up his hips, closing in on his orgasm and putting his face in Draco’s neck even though it’s too fucking hot for it.

“Fuck,” Draco whines. He tries to lift his leg higher, wrap it around Potter’s waist to get that perfect angle, but they’re too slick with sweat and he lets out a frustrated noise when it falls back to the bed. “Potter,” he says helplessly, arching into each thrust and shaking with the effort. This third (fourth?) orgasm is building too slowly, sitting there hard and stubborn and heavy in his gut and refusing to be coaxed to completion. He’s dripping with the effort, muscles quivering. “Please — I need —”

But he seems to have figured it out for himself. He scoots forward, lifting Draco’s arse higher off the bed and bending him nearly in half. The angle helps him go deeper and he’s suddenly nudging Draco’s oversensitive prostate every time he fucks back in.

“Right there,” Draco gasps, tensing as this new angle lights a fire under his elusive orgasm. His cock is leaking but he doesn’t have the strength or energy to get a hand around it. Potter’s grunting with the effort of fucking him, sweat dripping down his temples and making his neck and torso gleam. “Right there, god, right there, please, I’m so close —”

Potter braces himself and redoubles his efforts, and it’s like he’s reached inside Draco and sunk his claws into that building storm in his belly because suddenly it’s ripped right out of him in a colossal wave of euphoria that approaches too much, cock spurting untouched between them  .  Potter keeps moving inside him while he rides it out, and at some point he feels the warm, wet explosion of Potter emptying in him, mumbling incoherent things that include Draco’s name.

They come down together too. Draco is clutching Potter’s arms and trying to catch his breath and Potter is trembling and clutching him back like an anchor in a veritable ocean of sensation. 

It’s like this every time. 

When Potter drops down onto the bed beside him Draco rolls over and kisses him, long and deep and satisfying, and Potter reciprocates with the kind of intensity that is completely unique to him as a person.

“That one was particularly good,” says Potter, and Draco laughs.

When he feels like moving, he knows that Potter will get up and go to Draco’s kitchen and make tea for both of them, and he won’t need to ask what Draco likes, because he remembered after the first time. They’ll drink it naked in bed as the sun sets on another endless summer day and transforms before their eyes into a humid and pungent summer night, in the midst of which they will fuck at least three more times, and Potter will keep smelling like sweat and bergamot and boy, and Draco will keep feeling starved for him.

And they won’t talk about it.

* * *

“And?” Pansy said.

“And what?”

“You said ‘at first,’” she pointed out, and arched a groomed eyebrow. “When did it turn into more than just sex?”

Draco tamped down on a smile, because that would have been more emotion than he cared to show at the moment. To Pansy or to himself.

He swirled his wine again and took a long sip, stalling. He wanted — needed, really — to talk this out with her, but he was becoming aware of an uncomfortable heaviness in his chest which was suggesting to him that he didn’t want to share everything. Not because he was embarrassed, but, well … it was private. It was between him and Harry.

“There was this one night he came over later than he was supposed to because of work,” Draco said. The memory stirred some emotion. He hadn’t thought of it in a while. “He had this bloody huge takeout bag of Thai food.”

 * * *

He sets it down on Draco’s desk, takes out a container, and after toeing off his shoes drops sideways onto Draco’s bed with it and uses chopsticks to shovel in a mouthful of noodles. Draco watches this in awe.

“Want some?” Harry asks once he’s swallowed (small blessings). There’s grease around his mouth. “There’s a million other things in the bag but you have to get it yourself. I’m dead tired.”

Draco thinks of asking what the hell is going on, because they’re supposed to be fucking by now, but something stops him. Harry really does look exhausted but quite content eating his Thai food on Draco’s bed, and he doesn’t have the heart to berate him for it or remind him that they’re fuck buddies, not friends, and that if he’d wanted to eat and lounge about perhaps he should’ve stayed at home.

And the food really does smell good.

He gets up and fishes another container out of the bag that turns out to be some sort of heavenly-smelling marinated beef, which he brings back to the bed. Harry’s rolled onto his back and has the container of noodles balanced on his stomach.

“They thought they found a Horcrux on a raid,” he says. His voice is perfectly casual, but Draco thinks he can see something troubled in his eyes. He has one foot crossed over the other and  it’s bouncing anxiously; he doesn’t think Harry’s aware of doing it. “Wasn’t. Obviously.” 

“But they needed your expert advice to be sure.”

“Yeah.” Harry looks at him, then his food. “Is that the beef?”

“Yes it is.”

“Good?”

“Haven’t tried it yet.”

He opens the container and chooses a piece, but instead of lifting it to his mouth he follows some crazy impulse and hovers it over Harry’s instead.

“Open, Scarhead,” he says. Harry blinks but does it, and Draco drops it in. He smiles, then chews.

“Brilliant.”

* * *

“We ate it instead of fucking. It was the first time I realised something had shifted.”

“And you let it shift?”

The question gave him pause. He didn’t answer right away, mulling it over. It made it sound as if he’d had a choice, and that wasn’t quite right.

“It already had,” he said finally. “It wasn’t a matter of letting it; by the time I noticed, it had already happened. Otherwise he wouldn’t have come over with the food.”

“But you did let it continue,” said Pansy. She wasn’t antagonising him, nor accusing him of anything. She looked amused, but not in a way that was at his expense. Pansy was both a twat and a fiercely good friend, the combination of which meant she would do nothing more or less than hold up a mirror and force you to look at yourself, gruesome as the experience inevitably wound up being. “Even after you realised he had feelings for you.”

Draco swallowed. He’d not heard it said aloud before now.

“Yes,” he said. “It felt good. Knowing he fancied me.”

* * *

Harry’s shameless in his staring.

He stands in the doorway of the ensuite bathroom and watches Draco like he’s been invited to do so. Draco pretends not to notice, stretched out in a tub full of bubbles facing the opposite way. There’s incense burning, and candles. Harry is completely silent, but Draco could feel those eyes on him from across a crowded hall.

They fucked a few hours ago and fell asleep afterwards. Draco pretended not to think about it, but had actually made the conscious decision to let Harry continue sleeping when he woke up and decided he wanted a bath.

When he can’t take it anymore he opens his eyes and tilts his head back and a little to the side, just enough that he gets Potter in his peripherals.

“Well?” he says. 

“Well what?”

“Join me, won’t you?”

Harry snorts. Then there’s a quiver of magic in the air, and a small, utilitarian chair appears out of thin air beside the tub. Harry sits down in it. He’s holding the joint they’d only gotten halfway through earlier. 

He’s in his jeans and nothing else, all limbs and sparse chest hair, and when he crosses a leg over the other one, elbow resting on his knee as he hits the joint, Draco feels a bone-deep attraction to him that’s beyond physical.

“May I?” Draco asks. Harry hands it over and Draco inhales deeply before returning it. The humidity of the room mixes with the smoke and the smell of marijuana, pungent and cloying like the flowers. 

After a length of silence, Draco says, “Will you read me something?”

“Will I what?”

He takes his wand from the floor and Summons a book from the shelf in his room — one of his poetry collections comes sweeping in through the cracked door and into Harry’s lap. Harry sticks the joint between his lips and starts rifling through it with his glasses all fogged up. 

When he starts reading Byron (“I had a dream, which was not all a dream”) Draco smiles and sinks deeper into the hot water and bubbles, letting Harry’s voice lull him into a pleasant stupor. 

 * * *

“So you led him on,” said Pansy. “Because you liked his attention.”

He stared at her, then let his gaze drop to his wine again. Had he?

“It sounds bad when you say it like that.”

“Well,” she said, smiling wryly, “I’m only saying it as you’ve told it to me. Maybe if it sounds bad, it is bad. Some things are that simple, darling. Unless there’s more to it.”

“Like what?” he said, not looking at her. There was a touch of pouty defiance in his voice he knew Pansy would detect instantly. He heard her sigh.

“What exactly happened yesterday, Draco? You didn’t give me any context.”

“What context do you need?” he muttered. “He told me he loved me.”

* * *

They’ve finished an entire bottle of wine between them. He’s not drunk, but he’s pleasantly buzzed. Harry’s sprawled on his back, T-shirt rucked up just below his navel so Draco can see the dark trail of hair leading below his jeans. There’s something implicitly erotic about the movement of his chest when he breathes, his hands folded behind his head, one leg stretched the length of the bed and the other bent at the knee.

He opens his eyes suddenly and grins when he sees Draco looking at him. 

“That wine just made me tired,” he says.

“So go to sleep,” says Draco. He takes a last swig, emptying it, and sets the bottle aside on his night table. He stretches his arms over his head and arches his back, yawning widely, thinking perhaps he’ll give into the tempting allure of sleep as well when Harry says, “I told Hermione about us.”

So he’s not sleeping, then. His stomach clenches hard and a completely irrational sense of panic rises in his throat.

“Us?” he says slowly, sitting up straighter. “What ‘us’?”

Harry looks at him upside-down, then rolls over and rises to his knees. He stares at Draco blankly.

“‘What us?’” he repeats.

“Yes,” says Draco. “What ‘us’?”

“Us,” Harry says. His voice is lower than usual. The word is starting to sound weird and lose meaning. “You and me, Draco.”

“‘You and me?’ Harry, there’s no you and me. We’re just fucking. What do you … what do you mean, you told Granger? Told her what?”

Harry looks … well, he looks fucking crushed. And angry. Draco forces himself not to look away.

“I told her I’d been seeing you,” he says quietly. There’s something … not threatening, but close to it, in his voice.

“Sure,” says Draco. “I see you three times a week, sometimes four. I s’pose if you feel the need to fill Granger in on everything you do with every second of your day —”

“Shut up, Draco,” Harry says. “You know what I meant.”

Draco glares at him. He gets off the bed, slightly lightheaded from the wine, horrified by the emotions welling up inside him right behind the panic, and he points at his bedroom door.

“Get out,” he says. 

“Are you serious?”

“Go!” he says loudly, voice rising. “If you’re gonna start turning this into something it definitely is not then get out of my flat, Potter.” As usual the window is open, but it’s the third of September and getting chilly finally and Draco’s Freesias and Freedom Roses started wilting last week. There’s a chilly breeze coming into that room that is utterly barren of the sweet smells of summer he associates with Harry these days. “It’s time we ended this anyway,” he says. “Summer’s over.”

“So?” From his position kneeling on Draco’s bed Harry shouldn’t feel imposing at all, but he does. There’s no sparkle of humour in his eyes, none of the softness Draco’s gotten used to seeing there. He looks like someone who’s realised they’ve been betrayed.

Worse than that. Someone who’s been betrayed and realises they should have seen it coming.

“What the fuck does summer have to do with anything?”

“Ever heard of a summer fling, Potter? We’re not ‘seeing each other’.”

Harry finally gets off the bed. Draco’s stomach clenches again, more painfully this time. He doesn’t feel bad, he tells himself — this is Harry’s fault. His fault for making a big deal out of something easy and fun and, most of all, temporary. For ruining this with feelings. 

 “That’s not what this was,” Harry says. It’s not an argumentative tone; rather, he sounds disappointed. Devastated, and disappointed. And that look of betrayal, like he’s surprised but not …  that  surprised.

That hurts. 

“This was as real as it gets, Draco,” he says matter-of-factly. “You and I don’t have the capability of doing anything as shallow as a fling.”

“Well, Potter,” says Draco, straining to maintain his level voice, “congratulations, because that is the most disgusting, romanticised, Gryffindorian piece of shit I’ve ever heard.”

“Yeah?” He grabs up his wand from the bedside table and stuffs it into his jeans pocket. “Well here’s another: I love you. You complete fucking prick.”

Draco stares after him as he leaves the room, cowed for the moment. He hears Harry take the Floo powder off his mantle, hears the fire start, and then the sound of Potter disappearing. 

And he feels hollow suddenly.

* * *

“And he said it completely out of the blue?” 

Draco set his wine aside. He was suddenly feeling too sick to put anything else in his body.

“Sort of,” he said quietly, avoiding her eyes. “He was trying to make something out of nothing. He was just making a point, trying to guilt me, I don’t even think he meant it.”

Pansy said nothing for so long that Draco finally looked up. She had an eyebrow raised.

“Do you really believe that?” she said.

Draco didn’t answer right away. He glanced at the bottle of wine on the table and thought about the way it always tasted a little sweeter on Harry’s lips.

“I don’t know,” he said. “No. But it doesn’t change anything. It was a summer thing, not a … a relationship, for crying out loud. Like I’d date Potter.”

“Why not?”

Draco scoffed. “Why not? Pansy, please. He’s a …”

“A …?”

“He’s an idiot! He’s Potter!  He’s …” He couldn’t think of the right word, something bad enough to express the audacity, the gall , for Potter to think even for a second  that they could …

“Draco Malfoy,” said Pansy. She was smirking. “You love him too.”

Had he felt sick before?  Now he was going to be sick.

“I never would’ve imagined it,” she went on, seeming to take pleasure from his outrage and humiliation. The bint. “Look at you, you’re blushing! Oh my god,” she laughed. And then she stopped laughing, and instead the weight of her own words appeared to descend on her. “Oh my god. You do, don’t you? You are arse over tits for Harry Potter —”

He was up and out of his chair before she’d finished the last word, absurdly,  embarrassingly on the verge of tears all of a sudden. 

“Draco —”

“I’m glad this can serve as your entertainment for the week, Pansy,” he said. A tear rolled down his cheek — could he be any more histrionic? — and he brushed it away furiously. 

“Draco, no —”

“Call Blaise, tell him!” he shouted. “You two can have a good laugh over it —”

“Draco  —”

“Poor Draco’s  fucked himself over again, what a stupid wanker!” 

Pansy got up. He slapped her hand away when she reached for him, but she only came at him again and grabbed it this time when he swatted at her, enfolding it in both of hers. He closed his eyes and hiccoughed and two more tears came.

“Darling, will you please listen to me?” she said softly. It sounded eerily like his mother, which only made him feel young and childish. He tugged his arm away and she let him go, but he didn’t move any farther away. “I am  not  laughing at you,” she told him. “Blaise might, but that’s because Blaise has a black hole for a heart, Draco, the only emotion he’s ever felt is disdain.” Against his will, Draco chuckled wetly. Pansy smiled and took his hand again, tentatively. He allowed it. “ I think it’s lovely that you have feelings for him. I don’t understand what’s got you so upset, I mean … I know it’s Potter, but we’re not teenagers anymore, right? Who cares?”

Draco exhaled a long sigh.

“He let my father go to Azkaban,” he said softly, looking into her eyes. He saw comprehension dawning. “How can I be with someone who could’ve saved my father’s life and chose not to, Pansy?”

“No one could have saved your father, Draco,” said Pansy gravely. His throat was tight, swollen. He hated that he was hanging on her words, looking for truth in them,  wanting to hear something that would make this okay. “He would have done the same thing if they’d let him go back to the manor. It’s not your fault or your mum’s or Potter’s.”

“But —”

“But what?” she cut him off sharply. “Draco, please don’t let your father keep controlling your life from the grave! My god, you deserve happiness, don’t you see that? Even if it’s Potter! In fact, I … I think that could be really good.”

“What, being with Potter?”

“Yes, being with Potter,” she said. “Darling, I say this because I love you: you need to grow a pair of bollocks and start taking control of your own life. I’m not finished!” she added when he opened his mouth to retort. “I understand that it feels like a betrayal of your father, I do, and I’m not saying you can’t have your cherished memories of him, but Draco … you cannot live your life in his shadow, doing things because it’s what he’d want or wouldn’t want. I think that choosing to explore these feelings you have for Potter is the bravest and healthiest thing you could possibly do for yourself.”

He stared at her for a long moment, eyes wet though the tears had stopped falling. 

“What if it doesn’t last?” he said finally. “What if next week he realises it was a huge mistake?”

“First of all, I doubt that,” said Pansy with a roll of her eyes that was clearly meant to be teasing. “You said you’ve been seeing him all summer, that’s plenty of time to have gotten sick of you. And, even if that did happen, I still think it would be entirely worth that week of being disgustingly in love.”

“Do you?” he drawled.

“Yes! I do!” She picked up his discarded wine glass from before and held it up. “Does the effect of alcohol last forever?”

“No …”

“Of course not! And we don’t expect it to. We expect to have fun while we’re drunk and it’ll last as long as it lasts.”

“Dating someone isn’t like being drunk, Pansy,” Draco said sourly.

“Oh, that’s not the point ,” she huffed. “We don’t do things because we know they’ll last forever, we do them because we want to. In the moment.”

“Sounds irresponsible.”

“Well, of course it is,” she scoffed. “Love is completely irresponsible, that’s the fun of it, Draco. Now take this,” she shoved the glass of wine into his hand, almost spilling it. “Drink up, and then get your arse over to his flat and fix this.”

* * *

Granger opened the door. Draco sighed.

“Hello, Granger,” he said lamely. Her raised eyebrows said she was surprised and thoroughly unimpressed by his appearance.

“Malfoy,” she said.

“Is Potter in?”

“I guess that depends.”

“On?”

She looked at him, dark brown eyes impenetrable. Then she closed the front door behind her.

“What do you want?” she asked.

“To talk to him,” he said tightly. As if this whole thing wasn’t bad enough, now he had to pass a test to get past Granger the bridge troll. “I thought he told you —”

“He did,” she said flatly. “And about yesterday.”

“Well I’m here to apologise,” said Draco. Granger’s eyebrows lifted again. Still unimpressed. “And to tell him …” He sighed again and broke eye contact, willing himself not to give up, not to take this as a sign he should just go home and ream into Pansy for giving him such bad advice.

“Malfoy.” He looked up. Her voice was softer now, and her eyes seemed a little less hard. “What are you doing? You really hurt him, you know.”

“I know,” he said stiffly. “I said I’m here to apologise.”

“Well he doesn’t need an apology,” she said. “If you’re only going to let him down again —”

“I’m not.” He rubbed his forehead and looked at her again, exasperated, defeated. “I’ve … had some sense talked into me.”

She looked like it was the last thing she’d been expecting. 

“Have you?”

“Yes,” he said. “So would you please get him for me before I lose my nerve?”

It was the right thing to say. Her expression melted into something much softer and he fancied he even saw the beginnings of a smile.

“Can I ask who affected this change of heart?”

“Pansy,” he said. And, when Granger seemed taken aback, “She’s very wise when she feels like it.”

“I see. Well …” She still looked a bit conflicted, eyeing him and then putting her hand on the doorknob. “All right. I’ll tell him you’re here, anyway, but he was really hurt, Malfoy. I don’t know if he’ll want to hear it.”

“I’ll take my chances,” he said.

Granger eyed him another moment and then went back inside, shutting the door behind her. Draco only had to wait a minute before it was opening again, and this time Harry came out. The sight of him made Draco’s heart feel tender and sore.

“Hi,” he said.

“Hi, Potter.”

He waited to see if Harry would say anything else but he didn’t. He only stared at Draco expectantly, arms folded, in all ways closed off.

“I came to apologise,” said Draco.

“Well you can keep it,” said Harry. “I don’t need an apology because you told me the truth.”

“It wasn’t the truth, Potter,” Draco said quietly. “Opposite, really.”

Harry was silent. Then, “You made me feel like shit, Draco.”

“I know. I’m sorry. You freaked me out, springing it on me like that.”

A beat, then two, and then suddenly Harry was dropping his arms and sighing and he looked at Draco with so much vulnerability he nearly had to turn away from it.

“I didn’t mean to tell you …” He licked his lips, scratched his arm. It reminded Draco that beneath everything, Harry was still the same awkward dorky leader-of-the-losers he’d always been, just with a bit more confidence now and the title of Official Saviour of the Wizarding World. “I wouldn’t have said that if … I was just angry.”

He didn’t need to ask what Harry was referring to.

“I know.”

“Not that I didn’t … I mean, I … I do —”

“Please don’t say it again,” Draco said. Harry laughed.

“Right. I just meant … I really do have feelings for you, Draco. Like … mad, crazy feelings, y’know? I don’t want it to be a fling.”

“It wasn’t a fling,” he said. He moved a little closer and Harry watched him carefully, eyes flickering once down to Draco’s mouth. “I didn’t even sleep with anyone else the whole time.”

“Well that’s good to know,” said Harry sardonically. But he was smiling, so Draco found himself smiling tentatively as well.

“I wanna be with you, Potter. Properly. I thought …” But he shakes his head, deciding that now isn’t the time to explain about his father. “I thought it was a stupid idea. Now I realise that it probably is, but that I don’t really care much. I’ve decided to ignore my better judgment this one time.”

“That’s quite Gryffindor of you,” Harry commented drily.

“Yes, well.”

“So I go against your better judgment, then?”

“Potter,” Draco sighed. “Please, I don’t mean it like —”

“I’m taking the piss, Draco,” Harry cut him off. He reached for Draco’s waist and pulled him close, and before Draco could get his breath back from a short, surprised intake of breath Harry’s mouth was on his, warm and familiar and soothing. He brought his hands to Harry’s face and kissed back without bothering to hide his overwhelming relief.

Harry chased his mouth when he pulled away and Draco breathed out a laugh, holding him at bay with a hand on his chest. 

“We have plenty of time,” he said. “D’you wanna come over later tonight, after your friends leave?”

“What? No, come in.” He took Draco’s hand and gestured with his head towards the door. “Please. It’s just Ron and Hermione. They know everything.”

“Really?” Draco drawled. “And you think Weasley won’t try to kill me?”

“I promise not to let him,” Harry grinned. “Please, Draco. You said you wanted to do this properly, right?”

He thought of what Pansy said about being irresponsible, and decided it was worth a try at least.

“Okay,” he said. Harry beamed and tugged him inside.

Towards his ultimate downfall or towards the beginning of the rest of his life, he didn’t know. That, as Pansy would have said, was the fun of it.

[alirhi]

This is oddly fun lol

Let's see how many of these I can churn out before I get distracted or need a break! (pff. like I need an excuse to watch the show again. Despite its flaws, I really, really love TFATWS, guys)

Without further ado, let's get down to it!

Episode 2: The Star-Spangled Man

I'm pretty sure I'm on record when it comes to my undying hate for John Walker, yes? So obviously, Bucky's grumpiness 100% stays 😂

I'm not really a fan of how much emphasis they put on the shield. I can see it as a catalyst for Bucky to go confront Sam, yes, but he wouldn't keep going "shield shield shield" like a broken record. Bucky has consistently been shown to be an empathetic man. I can't believe for a second that he'd be barking at Sam about having no right to give up the shield; he'd ask why. Sam's got shit to do, so he'd get impatient and not answer.

"Why'd you give up so easily? If you were overwhelmed, I could've helped you-" "You've been ignoring me. Like now, how you're ignoring me walking away from you." "Well, you weren't texting me about this." "You think I needed your permission?!" "No, but I was right there with Steve while he was learning what it meant to be Cap. I wouldn't mind helping you get used to-" "Then go teach him." A vague gesture toward the "Cap is back" posters. Bucky makes a face. "Steve passed the mantle to you. You fought with him. You earned it. That little shit didn't." "What do you want me to do about it?" "Just tell me why, Sam. I mean it. I just wanna understand." "Not now, Buck. I've got shit to do. You see me heading for a plane right now, right?" "This is important!" "So is this." Sam tells him about the Flag Smashers, we get our silly Big Three/Gandalf conversation.

I'm sorry, but that whole jumping from the plane scene is funny as hell, and I love all the nods they added in to jokes from the press tours that brought us this show in the first place (like ripping the sleeve off his jacket lol). I don't think I'd change a single thing from the Big Three convo to Bucky joining Sam in the warehouse.

"You're doing the staring thing again." "You're staring at your watch," Bucky points out. He knows it's linked to Redwing, he's just pointing out how dumb that line is in that situation. They're there for recon lol. They're meant to be looking around.

I don't...particularly care about the other common gripe here? Meaning, "Bucky's a civilian, so why is he allowed to randomly jump in on a military mission?" Bucky's also known in this universe as an Avenger, just like Sam, so I don't think anyone would really bat an eye at him joining. Also, I have my own agenda related to Bucky's apparent freedom to walk in and out of military/government things.

What does bug me (as funny as it is) is Bucky's animosity toward Redwing. Again... Bucky is a certified nerd. Always has been. If anything, he'd be fascinated by Redwing and Sam would constantly have to slap him away because he's leaning in too close trying to see the tiny watch monitor. "I don't trust Redwing" is just old man griping "I don't trust your newfangled technology" and that... that's not Bucky.

And that "we're not assassins" dig, and then laughing when Bucky gets upset? That's not Sam. Both of these men have shown a remarkable amount of empathy, and Sam has a background in helping traumatized vets. If he cared enough about Bucky to be texting him after Steve left, he'd care enough not to make callous jokes about his time as The Winter Soldier, whether he knows the full story or not.

The fight on top of moving trucks looks cool, but makes no logical sense. I keep trying to think of a way to explain this from a story perspective, rather than a lazy "it looks cool!" filmmaking one, and I'm coming up blank. Anyone with half a brain would have pulled over, had the fight, and then taken off. It was a fun sequence, though... Eh. I'll leave it.

When Karli breaks Redwing, Bucky doesn't say "I always wanted to do that." Again, it's funny - I love the jabs about that stupid robo bird XD - but not Bucky. In my version, he smirks and says "You're so gonna regret that."

"You were kinda getting your asses kicked before we got there." Is immediately followed by Bucky staring him down and asking, "And... how did that fight end for you?" Sam adds, "I don't see them in custody. Are-are they following in a van?" He looks around, sarcastically searching for another vehicle. Walker and Hoskins grimace at each other, grudgingly conceding that point.

credit to @dailycelebs

Seeing Walker, and having to listen to his stupid pro-government rhetoric, makes Bucky think about Steve. When we cut from the Flag Smashers back to Bucky and Sam and the closeup of Bucky's pensive face, we hear 1940s Steve angrily telling 1940s Bucky about how the higher ups in the army had already written off the POWs and were going to leave them to die. "I love our country, Buck," he laments, "but what do I do when I'm not too sure anymore about the people who run it?"

"What you always do," is young Bucky's answer, "stand for what's right, not who's in power."

Perfect lead-in to the conversation about handling things themselves.

When Sam meets Isaiah, and hears his story, not only is he horrified and heartsick for him, but he also begins to see Bucky in a new light. He's seeing Bucky's face, the way he tries to hide his emotions and not make this conversation about him, and he's putting things together. He's still upset at being out of the loop, but he's seeing more of the situation than just "omg black super soldier". When Bucky says "he'd already been through enough," Sam asks quietly, "like you?"

The racist cop comes back before Bucky can answer, to arrest him for missing his appointment with Raynor.

ngl guys, I was so moved by the difference in how that cop treated Sam (before knowing he's Important) vs how he treated Bucky (knowing that the government views him as a violent, if pardoned, criminal). He approaches Sam with his hand on his gun, eager to defend Bucky; "is this guy bothering you?" Just because they're having a heated conversation. Then, when he sees that there's a warrant for Bucky, he approaches timidly, apologizes, treats him gently and politely. By "moved," btw, I don't mean "it was so sweet." I mean "this is fucking sick, and very, very realistic." White cops see a white guy and treat him with respect regardless of his actual criminal record, while being openly hostile towards an innocent black man without even knowing who he is, just because he's black. Moments like this made me applaud Spellman.

"You, too, Sam - That wasn't a request" is Sam's first sign that there's something off about Raynor.

Look, again... The couples therapy banter is funny because Sebastian and Anthony are funny, but that scene, from a storytelling and a mental health standpoint, is atrocious. Without some underlying reason behind her actions, Raynor is just a pointlessly terrible therapist.

Rather than insulting Bucky from the outset, Sam is angry with Raynor for violating Bucky's privacy by not only introducing herself as his therapist, but forcing a "couples" session without her patient's consent. With his background pre-Avenging, he knows this shit shouldn't fly. He immediately points out how unprofessional she's being.

Raynor doesn't bother listening - the fuck does she care, really? She shrugs and casually admits it's "slightly unprofessional" but proceeds anyway.

"Whatever's eating at him?" Sam scoffs. "Did you really just say that to a WWII veteran and the world's longest-serving POW with complex PTSD? Did I hear that right? I've had, maybe, like five conversations with this man since we met, and even I know he's been through some shit and-" "Sam," Bucky tries to interrupt, looking uncomfortable. With his crushing guilt, he has an easier time dealing with insults than someone coming to his defense. "No," Sam snaps. "If the HIPAA Slayer over here wants to drag me into this, she's damn well gonna hear what I have to say!" He turns back to Raynor and demands, "Is this how you've been treating him this whole time? Downplaying what he's been through and making a grown-ass man sound like a sulking teenager?" Raynor keeps her cool, but barely. Visibly frustrated and annoyed, she ignores Sam's tirade and tries to force the conversation back onto the track she wants it on. Bucky's embarrassed and doesn't know how to react to any of this, so he still makes that little "he would talk less" jab. Sam, seeing that he's not going to get anywhere with him until they're away from this bitch, glowers and plays along. We get our silly/angry banter.

After their argument with Walker, Sam finally confronts Bucky about what really happened to him.

"He meant HYDRA; HYDRA used to be my people." "Were they?" Sam asks, stopping him and looking him in the eye, not letting him look away or deflect. "Steve was under the impression that they were your captors. I was under the impression that the Wakandans spent two years deprogramming you so no one could use you the way HYDRA did ever again." "I-" Startled, not expecting that, Bucky stutters a little and admits, "Yeah, I... That's true, I guess." "You guess?" "Does it matter? Sam rolls his eyes. "I dunno, does it matter that you were a slave for most of the 20th century?" "I doubt it matters much to my victims." "HYDRA's victims," Sam corrects firmly. "Just like you." Bucky fidgets; he doesn't know what to do or say. No one since Steve has even so much as insinuated that Bucky wasn't 100% culpable for what he did while under HYDRA control. "Look," Sam sighs, "I don't particularly like you. I don't hate you, but I'm not your biggest fan." "...Thanks?" "I just need you to know where I stand-" "Yeah, got it-" "-So you know I'm not biased like Steve when I say you had no choice. I don't know your story, but I know no one flips on a dime from docile and plagued with guilt to an unstoppable killing machine and back without some serious psychological damage behind that. I'm not saying you're an innocent little bunny, but I don't think you're a monster." "Thanks," Bucky croaks, more sincerely this time, and a bit choked up. He clears his throat and looks distinctly uncomfortable as he grumbles, "but to catch these guys, we may need to talk to a monster." Sam cringes. "I was afraid you'd say that."