#btw im sure concerta is doing somethign to my emotions. can you tell

[gramarye]

i am sure someone has said this before more eloquently but i have been racking my brain over the occasional overwhelming sense of longing and grief for futures that never happened whether it be about career or friends or love or someone dying or some, at least in your head, other avoidable tragedy or anything else of the sort that you lament, where you know you don't want that imagined future anymore and you are happier now but where it still occasionally comes back and haunts you. like i have been thinking Why Is That So. why is that feeling there besides brains being stupid

but honestly for me i don't think it is as much about wanting it anymore as much as it is just remembering that feeling of disappointment and heartbreak in your younger self and mourning that.... i don't want those things anymore but sometimes i think those very strong feelings can make such an impact on you that it's not the imagined scenarios i wish for anymore but i just remember and feel for the hurt that i felt two or five or ten or however many years ago.. i feel for the person i was back then and the impact it had on me then. certain things bring back those feelings and losses despite logically everything being for the better and i am forced to live that feeling again for just a little while