#btw im kinda proud about this last line hehe

[im-hella-anonymous]

a lot of the time I can't help feeling like I'm self sabotaging my youth/social life because of my social anxiety

like when I'm with friends (who I'm not extremely close to) I never have anything to say and end up being silent most of the time, even when occasionally the subject is something I'm familiar with I would have something to say but I take too long thinking and end up not saying it

idk typing it down makes it feel overly specific or exaggerated but it happens almost every time I'm in a conversation and I feel like beating myself over it

anxiety is a masochistic bitch and I'm her dog

[partyinthemysterymachine]

🌻🌻🌻🌻 🚜 it's like a little garden!

hello lil garden <3 im gonna pick all the floweurs :3

there are like two dreams i remember pretty vividly: one, i had stigmata. (fun fact: i’m a jew) i woke up and i could feel the pain in my palms and feet. i was like. maybe in fifth or sixth grade. everything happens when i’m 13 or 14 because i have exactly zero memory and Bad Brain Disorder Origin Years just makes everything a sad mockery of mashed potatoes

the second dream i remember vividly was essentially that i discovered a door to Wonderland (and listen here u lil shits: i’m not a big Wonderland person, not even a Mad Hatter kinda gal despite whatever my past has said about me, and also my Jervis Tetch is super valid and prob one of the best out there you’re welcome) in this honestly gorgeous old mansion. the kind that’s just. tons of dark wood, narrow halls, winding and yet there’s a lot of natural light, like gorgeous. and i found a door to Wonderland and holy fucking shit

what i would give to actually find a door to that Wonderland, bye y’all peace it’s been a gas but i gotta run

so after i left i wanted to go back, and i had a rough time finding the portal and ok long story short it turned out i had to go deal with a unicorn cult (it was more intense than that but hey, cults amirite) in order to get the reagents to go back to Wonderland and i suddenly found myself falling in a huge cave and the spirit healer from WoW was there so that says a lot about where i was in my life at the time

still tryna go back to Wonderland

i made this guy in Sims4 and he’s really fuckin cute and i named him Lane Morgans. i’m gonna put his tag on this post so maybe you’ll go take a look at him and see how amazing he is but i’m just gonna jerk myself off here too

(also sidenote, Salutations (my farmer in sdv, also top notch) is his uncle and when i wrote up his first char sheet i fucked up his last name bc his last name can’t be Morgans, but i’ll give him another one Soon(tm) (no i won’t))

Lane is a retired rollercoaster engineer who is now writing romance novels. he’s doing absolutely amazingly and his twitter a mess in a good way. he wishes he was Chuck Tingle’s bff. his novels aren’t modeled after Tingle’s (hehe), he writes very well rounded, interesting, and diverse romance that doesn’t take itself seriously. because i do what i want, he’s pretty well known and on several bestsellers.

he’s like in his 40s by now i think and he’s a late transitioner. he’s a divorcee (he and his ex wife are really good friends it’s all good) and he had his son Ellis awhile back (who is just a whole dutch cookie tin of crayons and then some). at a singles mixer he met a gardener who would be his future husband and everything is amazing now

also side braids and ponytails run in the family i guess

(actually Salutations has been side ponytail like all his life and Lane was enchanted by it so he side braids. Salutations is very proud)

i still think about it honestly i was really into keeping up to date with junk food news and food product for a while there but the popular sites were starting to piss me off with their rating systems and reviews like holy entitlement and superiority complex, batman! so i dropped out of it, like the only one that is still super valid is onsecondscoop.com tho it’s been a real hot minute since

i have a lot of my parents’ vinyls and that includes The Beatles white album with some water damage bc i guess my dad knocked something over at some point but also the good stuff like Fleetwood Mac, Linda Ronstadt, America, Seals and Crofts, a lot of musicals, James Taylor, Gordon Lightfoot, Cat Stevens (now Yusuf), Earth, Wind, and Fire, Marvin Gaye and more!!! (and i left a whole shitload in chicago too) and it’s very telling about my musical tastes. 

i had ordered Arctic Monkeys’s AM album and it skipped on No. 1 Party Anthem and some other song and so i was like :\ and ordered another and you’ll never guess,

a few songs stand out to me:

Gordon Lightfoot’s Approaching Lavender 

Seals and Crofts’s Hummingbird

Fleetwood Mac’s Silver Springs

James Taylor’s Never Die Young, Line ‘Em Up, Shower The People

(the Fleetwood Mac and James Taylor songs are specifically the ones i was introduced to with, as in the Live versions of Silver Springs and Shower The People)

for those who don’t know i’m also a huge Enya fan (LOTR was good to me) and Dark Sky Island was sick af btw, and also Donna Lewis’s entire Now In A Minute album is pretty fuckin close to my soul

however probably my favorite song, most sacred to me, hard to explain it but just the. whew the memories attached is I Love You Always Forever

furthermore a song that still really creeps me out (that also has an origin story attached to it) is 98 Degrees a cappella cover of She’s Out Of My Life (yep! still no thanks)

i grew up around a cappella since my mom is like a lifetime member of the Sweet Adelines womens a cappella organization or w/e so yeah and i’m not ognna link this on bc it’s a bitch to find just by itself, but Lida Rose from The Music Man is also a fist clench...

now on a more depressing note but one i have mention, Spice Girls’s Viva Forever is uuuhhh hhhhhhhhh hhhhhhnnnnmmmmmmmmmmm 

anyway my dad used to travel overseas for work and when i was younger he went to Germany (and he’d go back there several times after) and he brought me back my first jar of Nutella. naturally i lost my entire shit, and imagine my surprise when Nutella got really big in America lmao he’d brought that jar home like. uh. 7, 9 years prior?? idk guys, ages and math, but it was funny to me

best fucking gingerbread recipe is by Nigella Lawson and i found it in her book How To Be A Domestic Goddess and it’s right fucking here ur welcome 

i’m definitely one of those people who picks a book with a cool cover, reads a couple pages and then decides if i’m taking it or not and that’s how i found like so many good books

ask me about The Passage series and how i am both in love with it and kinda mad (also lmao @ the failed TV show y’all fuckin dumb as hell)

[ohoshi]

i watched the dont lie svt mafia game (the first two links u sent) and it was so fun!!! i love how you dont know who the mafia is until the end so it’s like youre playing along too :) also seungkwan was so smart!!! gradually building everyones trust and gathering allies around him!! i was so sad when he was killed off tho, he literally was abt to catch the mafia 😭 and hoshi REVEALING HIMSELF AS THE MAFIA was the funniest thing ever but also really smart like he turned everyone against mingyu (who honestly i thought was the mafia too), and in the last round hoshi was just openly like “who should we kill today” IM DEAD 😂 also can i just say that jeonghan looked so GOOD in that game...he’s such a sexy mafia 😏 i cant wait to watch their second dont lie mafia game!

u already know for 127 jaehyun was my first bias and now mark is my ult <3 and for dreamies if u dont count mark (since i knew him from 127 first so kinda unfair) i think jaemin was prob also my first and current bias?? he was my first bias and i just never stopped 😂 for wayv i think my bias is yangyang hehe :) im trying to think abt what similarities in my biases are - it might just be the smiley happy funny ones with the best laughs as we talked about before (this is weird but i think when i first meet someone i notice their laugh?? like i love ppl who have laughs that you can tell are just truly from their heart if that makes sense) i might also have a slight bias for rap lines but i think that is not as concrete as the smiley/funny thing!

omg thats so cool that you know so many languages!! youre so cool hehe :) i always have so much respect for ppl who learned languages (idk i dont count me knowing canto as learning a language bc i kinda passively learned it thanks to my parents hahaha) i took french and spanish for a bit in school but i didnt continue and have thus forgotten most of it D: (which i kinda regret, i want to try learning french again someday) also i totally get that about chinese and japanese being intimidating...ive always thought it'd be so cool to learn another asian language (and one that is more widely used than canto) but they are quite hard, esp for chinese/japanese where the writing system is a lot harder to learn!! i learned korean hangul so i can sound out words veryyyy slowly but i dont know what they mean 99% of the time 😂 i havent seriously applied myself to actively learning a third language but i've always wanted to! i can understand basic korean phrases tho since i watch so much korean content ahahaha

hmm as for weird phobias, i really hate cockroaches?? or bugs in general...and i also hate when circles are bunched together rly closely lol (i think it’s called tryptophobia but i wouldnt recommend googling that cuz it grosses me out so much omg 😰😰)

ok now to close this out on a happier note lol i THINK i can name all the svt members now??? like with maybe 85% accuracy 😂 and i think my first biases are joshua, jeonghan, & kinda dino and vernon :)) but i feel myself slowly falling for all of them i love how chaotic they are and ive laughed so much watching their videos already 😊😊

AAAH i'm so glad you loved it 🥺 ikr it was so good??? i especially loved the part when hoshi just blamed mingyu!!!!! and manipulated everyone into thinking that he was one of the mafia!!! what a smart move but also fun? hoshi the god of variety shows!! tbh i kinda knew minghao was the mafia since the beginning... he was just too quiet... i mean he is a quiet person yk but he was more suspicious than usual 👀 and i guess bc in the beginning they gave us the preview of their reactions and he laughed and knowing he's a scorpio i only assumed... so i didn't 100% buy hoshi's lie bc i was still sure that hao was one of the mafia 🤷🏻‍♀️ still tho it was legendary!!!! but i guess mingyu played it stupid and he was sus to begin with so 🤷🏻‍♀️ yeah.... YOU CAN SAY THAT JEONGHAN LOOKS GOOD BC damn right he does 😍 he is a beautiful man what can i say 🤷🏻‍♀️ he is also very confident in himself (the other day i watched one gose ep from 2019 it's called debate night i think and basically they're having a debate about the stupidest, most pointless things in the world (like is it better to live AS a pigeon or live WITH a pigeon for a year, or is it better to have 3 eyes or 3 arms 😅) and jeonghan always had a counter argument, ALWAYS, but he would say it so confidently looking handsome as hell he could make me believe that grass was blue..) btw gose always has dumb content like this but still i think it's the best idol content out there only bc svt are crazy funny and chaotic and those 13 boys share a total of 2 braincells shared by wonwoo and jun each; like there is one ep i think it's called the8 and the 12 shadows ans basically they all move in a row and all 12 of them have to repeat what the first member is doing, it might sound smart when i explain it but if you'd watch it you'd see that it's so dumb and pointless but it's funny and 1hour long and carats watch it bc 🤷🏻‍♀️ anyways what i'm trying to do is show you what you're getting yourself into😌

ohhhh i think jaehyun, mark, nana and yangyang all have beautiful smiles and they’re all very smiley and bright people 🥺 so that's definitely the one thing your biases have in common 🥺 that's so cute 🥺 oh you think you're attracted more to the rap line? 🤔 all of your nct biases are indeed rappers (jaehyun is a i can do it all i'm 97 line he is excluded) so maybe??? but yeah you biasing bright idols is 🥺 adorable!!!

ahh thank you 🥺 i try!! yeah most people forget languages if they don't use them regularly </3 kinda scared i'll forget french bc i never use it nowadays, i used to know a woman who only spoke french and i would have to translate to her what my family tells her and vice versa, it was a great french exercise 💪 but i don't see her anymore so </3 the fact that you speak canto and chinese(mandarin i guess?) intimidates you really adds fuel to the fire<3 it's great that you know how to read hangul!!! me too!! you'll get better at reading with practise! but compared to chinese characters i don't think it's that hard, i mean, how do chinese people even memorize all the characters?? or WORSE how do foreigners memorize them??! writing in chinese must be so hard do you have to pay attention to all the tiny lines?? that's a lot of work 😨 i am terrified 😨 do you also know basic japanese phrases from anime?? bc personally i do but i know a lot more korean than japanese i mean thank god, i'm learning korean religiously tho 😂 still tho can't watch idol content without titles</3 (except with chinese wayv members who struggle OMG MAYBE I LOVE CHINA LINE BC THEY MAKE KOREAN A BIT EASIER? anyways i completely relate to them bc korean grammar is so hard, so strange and so different from grammar i'm used to in 'western' languages)

cockroaches? 😨 i too hate insects of every kind<3 so i understand <3 oh i know about tryptophobia(?)!!! one of my friends is scared of the same thing too, have to admit it does look disgusting 😬 i'm also afraid of heights and water!!! (but like the sea and the ocean sjsgsjaha i can't swim!! and i never want to!!!) 😨😅

AHHHH I'M SO PROUD OF YOU 🤧 what a bias combo thooooo 👀 jeonghan? i approve! he is so fun!!! so beautiful!! sexc 👀 jeonghan is so interesting i love him and also joshua is so pretty too?? i mean obvs they're both visuals sjgssj but it's different with shua bc i can look at him all day it's soooo calming to just look at him?? ahh angelic! it's kinda interesting to me bc you bias jeonghan and joshua and jihan (their ship name) is kind of a big deal™ did you know that????? i assume it was unintetional and you had no idea about it jsgsja i also approve of vernon and dino as well but i mean i would approve of anyone and everyone at this point 🤷🏻‍♀️ have you seen pics of jeonghan with long hair??? i feel lowkey bad for saying this but he is so beautiful i deadass thought he was a woman 😧