#btw i read every tag and it motivates me so much...

[nuzlight-mia]

[seventh-district]

wow!!! nothing better than watching your AO3 subscribers stat go down every time you post a new chapter of your current fic!!!

[pretzel-box]

OMG THE LITTLE DRABBLE YOU WRITE FOR SEBASTIAN WHERE READER ACCIDENTALLY GAVE HIM A LOVE NOTE INSTEAD OF THE FILES HE WANTED WAS SO GOOD!! can you please try to recreate it as a fanfic ? Love your writing btw :3 (also can it please be fem!reader?)

Tags: Established Relationship [Marriage], Fluff, Comfort, Motivational Notes

Words: 1k

Sebastian spends most of his precious time reading files, listening to annoying human visitors and scavenging. The last name was something he enjoyed since it was so simple and relaxing.

On this particular scavenging run, things were different. He hadn’t come across anything remarkable for a while, letting him feel a wave of frustration run over him, but then, tucked away in an old storage room, he found a file cabinet half-buried under debris. It was unlocked, and inside were files, all marked as unimportant or abandoned.

He hesitated for a second, figuring it was nothing more than outdated reports or useless data. But something compelled him to grab a few of the folders and stash them in his pack. Who knows? Maybe he could find some clues about the facility’s history, or something he could use against Urbanshade.

After the long trek back to his shop, Sebastian settled in, tossing his gear aside and grabbing a drink before collapsing at his cluttered desk. He didn’t bother with the files at first, instead leaning back, glancing at the framed photo on his desk.

It was of you, standing by his side, beaming that radiant smile of yours. He traced a finger gently over the frame with a small, rare smile tugging at his lips. The two of you had been through hell together, but despite everything, here you were—still by his side, still the one constant in his life.

Sighing, he leaned forward, flipping open the first folder from the stack he’d brought back. But instead of the usual boring documents he expected, he found something else—a small, folded note.

"Seb, I know you're probably frustrated right now, but I just want you to know how much I love you. You’re stronger than you think, and you’ll get through whatever this is. Remember that, okay?"

Sebastian blinked, caught off guard. He stared at the note for a moment, his fingers brushing over the paper as a warmth spread through his chest. He recognized the handwriting instantly—it was yours. But what was it doing here?

He reached for the next file, flipping it open with more curiosity this time. Inside, he found another note:

"When you feel like the world is crashing down on you, remember that you’re the one who holds us together. You’ve always been my hero, and you always will be."

A chuckle escaped his lips as he read the words, shaking his head in disbelief. What were these doing here? He sifted through more of the files, each one containing more of the same—small, handwritten notes from you, each one filled with love, encouragement, and sweet little reminders of how much you believed in him.

"I know you’re tired, but don’t forget to take care of yourself. Drink some water, take a break. I’ll be here waiting for you when you’re ready to come home."

“You mean everything to me, Sebastian. Don’t ever forget that. Even on the days you feel lost, I’m right here beside you."

His heart swelled with every note he found, the exhaustion from the day’s work slowly melting away. He could practically hear your voice in his head, soft and comforting, as if you were sitting right next to him.

He laughed softly, shaking his head in disbelief. Of course you’d do something like this. You always knew how to surprise him, even in the smallest ways. He could imagine you sneaking these notes into various places around the Blacksite, knowing full well that one day he’d find them. You were always thinking ahead, always finding ways to make him smile, even when he didn’t think he had the energy for it.

Sebastian leaned back in his chair, rubbing a hand over his face. He couldn’t help but feel a little lighter, a little less burdened.

Grinning, he stood up and moved to the back of his shop, grabbing two mugs and setting them on some boxes that served as tables. He heard the soft patter of your feet as you came down the ladder that led to the small loft in his shop where you usually rested, and soon enough, there you were, walking into the room, rubbing your eyes from a nap you’d taken.

“Hey,” you said, smiling as you stretched your arms over your head, an action that he always loved to see you did it. “What’s with the grin?”

Sebastian just shook his head, watching you with a fondness he rarely showed anyone else. “I found your little scavenger hunt,” he said, crossing his arms over his chest.

You blinked, confused for a moment before realization dawned on your face. “Oh, you found them?” you asked, a playful glint in your eye. “Took you long enough.”

He walked over, wrapping an arm around your waist and pulling you close, his forehead resting gently against yours. “You know,” he said softly, his voice full of affection, “you’re a pain in the ass sometimes.”

You laughed, wrapping your arms around his neck. His body was cold as always, making you feel cooled down but his actions had a comforting warmth to it as if a weighted blanket was laid upon you. “Yeah, but you love me for it.”

“Yeah,” he murmured, pressing a kiss to your temple. “I really do.”

The two of you stood there for a while, wrapped up in each other, the weight of the world feeling a little less heavy in that moment. Eventually, you pulled away, glancing over at the files scattered on the table.

“So,” you teased, “how many did you find?”

“Enough to remind me I married a complete sap,” he replied with a smirk.

You rolled your eyes, leaning up to kiss him, your lips meeting him and you could feel him lean closer. “Well, someone’s gotta keep you from brooding all the time.”

Sebastian chuckled, his arms tightening around you. “Guess I’m stuck with you then, huh?”

You smiled, resting your head on his chest. “Yeah,” you said softly. “You’re stuck with me.”

And for once, Sebastian didn’t mind being stuck at all.

[chuulyssa]

​🇾​​🇴​🇺 ​❜ ​🇷​​🇪​ ​ 🇸​​🇴​ ​ 🇵​​🇷🇪🇹🇹​​🇾​ , ​🇾​​🇴​​🇺 ​❜ ​🇷🇪 ​ ​🇸​​🇴​ ​🇵​​🇴🇵​🇺​​🇱​​🇦​​🇷​.

ᴅᴀᴢᴀɪ ᴏꜱᴀᴍᴜ !

↷ A/N ─ first songfic! I TRIED OKAY??? love this song btw. also i tried to make this as less slutty and more angsty as i could.

★ COUNT ─ 2.1k

!! TAGS ─ f!reader x pm!dazai, reader is in the port mafia, fantasization, dubcon (only kissing), mentions of rape and stuff in the song, angst with happy ending, hurt/comfort, reader is down bad for dazai

this isn't outright smut but there are a few mentions of it in the reader's thoughts, so im putting the mdni sign

★ PROLOGUE ─ he was everything you ever wanted. but would he ever see that?

♬ SONG ─ ecstasy

SMUT, 18+, MDNI

READ ON AO3

You couldn't believe the first time Dazai had kissed you. It felt so unreal, so distant. Your lips had locked in a perfect embrace as if they had been carved just for each other. And then he had pulled away ever so slightly and rested his forehead against yours, telling you how much he loves you.

It had felt like a dream come true. Although you had joined the Port Mafia earlier than him, you wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of your life with him.

What was it? A crush? Love? A fantasy? You didn't know, and you didn't care to. All you believed was that you were made for Dazai, and how could you not? His hair would move along with the wind when he would look at you for a bit too long - or so you would think, deluding yourself into the deception of a world where you woke up and fell asleep with his kisses.

I just wanna be your sweetheart Fucking come here, give me your heart

On several occasions you had tried giving him signals - letting him know that you wanted him. That you loved him. That you would listen to him blabber about in bars till dusk. That you would stroke his hair and tell him that he was perfect in every way possible if you had the courage. That you would be with him even if you were the only one standing.

"Earth to Y/N?" Dazai snaps his fingers in front of you, yanking you away from your thoughts.

"Yeah?" you said, slightly flustered.

"As I was saying, we have to first infiltrate the organization from the inside. It will be a bit difficult since it's just the two of us-"

The two of us.

Us.

Your mind began to slip away from Dazai again as you thought about the possibility of you and Osamu Dazai becoming "us" and "we". It was blissful. Your eyes began looking glossy, and he probably noticed, because he sighed and shook his head before ruffling your hair.

You came crashing down to earth again.

Just you and me to infinity I can't fucking breathe, too much ecstasy

On your way to the mission, your eyes kept glancing at him. He looked so pretty, with his hair cascading down in front of his eye in the most perfect manner, and his bandaged hands making your knees wobbly as you imagined how they would feel on your thighs, slowly inching towards your core.

The thought made you shiver, and you stumbled slightly. Dazai spared you a look of concern.

"Are you sure you're okay? I could handle them alone if you want."

"I'm alright. I can do this," you smiled softly at him. Yes, I can do this, you thought, I can do this because I'm with you.

He was your motivation, your burning desire. He was your ray of happiness in the cruel world. He was everything you had ever wanted in life.

The two of you made it to the front of the organization's immaculate house, where a party was being held. The mission was simple; get into the party in disguise and kill a few easy targets. You hadn't paid much attention to Mori's instructions anyway, for your eyes had looked at nothing other than Dazai, heart leaping with joy at the thought of being partnered with him again.

Dazai put a hand on the small of your back, and you felt goosebumps arise. He guided you into the party after giving you a small nod, and you interlocked your arms with his.

You met a few people here and there; none that you cared about. All you focused on tonight - and probably every night since you had first met him - was him. His face. His body. His voice. His laughter. His expressions. His jokes. Him. He was perfect.

Kiss me on the lips, choke me on the floor Drag me around, and push me right against your door

The night continued on, and there was only Dazai in your mind. You couldn't get him out at all, not when he was right in front of you, forehead against yours and about to kiss you. You felt as though the entire world had faded away, leaving only you and Dazai in a bubble of your own.

You held your breath as you waited for all your dreams to finally come true.

His lips hovered just inches from yours, and you felt dizzy from anticipation. Time seemed to stand still as you forced your eyes to be on his. Your heart raced in your chest, matching the frantic beat of the music pulsing in the distance from the party you had left to complete your mission.

Oh. Right. Mission.

How could you forget? How foolish of you to think that this was real. The targets you were designated to kill wouldn't want Port Mafia members in the corridor you were currently in. This was all just a show to maintain your cover.

The realization hit you like a sledgehammer, shattering all your anticipation from before. You tore your gaze away from him, and his fingers immediately went up to clutch your jaw.

"Do you trust me?"

You were silent.

"Close your eyes."

You did, and he put his lips on yours tenderly, as if you were made of glass and could break by the slightest pressure. You felt like crying. You had wanted him to kiss you for so long, and here he was, kissing you as if you weren't supposed to catch feelings for him right then and there - as if he was completely okay if you were ruined because of him.

Dazai's fingers slid from your jaw to your neck, caressing it softly before changing the pace of his kisses. They felt more passionate, but were they, really? This was all a facade. This didn't mean anything to him. Anything at all.

I'm your little doll, come and play with me Dyeing all my hair, we could be in the scene

The car ride back home was silent. Dazai had a few stains of blood on the black collar of his coat - none his, thankfully - yet he drove like he hadn't just murdered some people.

You sighed. Yes, the Port Mafia wasn't a place for feelings, and Dazai knew that perfectly well. You had finally realized that Dazai was nothing but a cold person who had no remorse, no guilt, no emotions at all while he toyed with others.

You had given away nearly half of the life you had lived up till now for him. You had given away all of yourself. You had changed yourself as much as you could. You had listened to everything he would tell you. You had done everything you could yet here you were, eyes burning as you struggled to keep them open so you didn't end up breaking down in front of the very person who was breaking you every second of this long ride.

When you reached the door to your house, you gave him a little wave, and he looked hesitant.

"Can I stay over for tonight?"

Every muscle in your body screamed at you to say no, to tell him to fuck off, maybe even punch him and shatter a few bones so he knows what it's like to be broken. Instead, you resorted to nodding lowly, not a word escaping your lips as you unlocked the door, kicked off your shoes and walked into your room, locking it from inside.

How dare he after what he did to you? How could he? Was he that heartless? Was he really how people had described him to be? Cold, ruthless and merciless? You thought you knew better, but did you?

Your legs gave in and you sunk to the floor, your back against the door. Why did he have to kiss you? Why did you agree to this stupid mission? Why did you ever fall for this man?

Lights out, you don't tap out You're so crazy, manipulate me

"Y/N?"

You immediately wiped your face on your pillow and got up to go to the living room where he sat. Tonight, for the first time in your life, Dazai was nothing but a guest to you. Not a crush. Not your love at first sight. Nothing. Just a colleague.

"I heard you. I thought you might need a drink," he offered you one, and you slowly took it from him.

You stared at the bottle of wine on the table. He had probably ordered it just now. It was an expensive one, not one you usually drank. Well, you weren't much of a drinker anyway. But tonight, maybe you could drink a little, to drown your sorrows with the very man who caused them.

The room was dimly lit, and faint moonlight formed a few odd shapes on the floor. The two of you sat drinking, and while Dazai seemed sober enough, you were already almost wasted.

"Listen," Dazai said suddenly as if he had finally made up his mind to say something. "I wanted to ask. Did that kiss mean anything to you?"

"What kiss?" you acted dumb. You didn't need to be reminded of that, not right now in your most vulnerable state.

"Don't play dumb with me, Y/N," he said sternly. "You know exactly what I mean."

You pursed your lips. "Yeah, I do. Answer that question yourself first."

"It did. A lot."

What?

You stared at him. Was this another way to break your heart even more? Was he toying with you again? Yes, this had to be another one of his manipulation tricks. But somewhere, in the corner of your heart, a tiny voice said, the Dazai I know isn't like that. He would never do something like that.

And you felt your defences crumbling all over again. You didn't care if he manipulated you and left you heartbroken as long as you got to be with him for some part of your life. You loved him. Loved.

Fucking chase me, fucking break me You're my everything, please just rape me

For the second time that night, Dazai's hands were on you. Only this time, you were happy. You wanted him. You needed him. And so you kissed him back with all your might.

You couldn't think straight at all. You couldn't feel him stand up and carry you to your bed. You couldn't see him covering the two of you with blankets to kiss you under its privacy. All you knew was that you were in his arms, and wanted to stay that way forever.

Osamu Dazai was kissing you. The Osamu Dazai. Osamu the-Youngest-Executive-in-the-History-of-the-Port-Mafia Dazai. Was this real? You didn't know. All you wanted was for the moment to go on forever.

You pulled away once more to catch your breath. On top of you, Dazai was panting too, brushing away hair from your eyes and blowing air on your face gently. You were sweating from the heat of the moment. His breath felt cool and cold, but his touch was warm, just like you had fantasized it to be.

"What are we?" you asked.

"Everything."

I just wanna be your sweetheart Fucking come here, give me your heart

You woke up as curtained sunlight hit your face, blinking at the sensation to try and keep your eyes open. A slight shift in your position made you feel Dazai against your chest, his face buried sideways and lips in a small pout.

Your eyes widened as you realized the events of the previous night. It was real. You two were official. You were dating Osamu Dazai.

Your movement had caused Dazai to purr lightly, his voice making your brain numb. Assuming he was tired, you patted his head, still in disbelief over your fortune and merely resorted to staring at the ceiling. You didn't want to wake him up. The feeling of him getting so cozy and vulnerable with you made you want to stay still like that forever.

How could someone be so pretty? So endearing? What must it be like to be that beautiful? To be someone's will to live? To be someone's first laugh and smile? How was it that someone could capture your heart this way? You felt a whirlwind of emotions; pathetic, romantic, love, disbelief. You felt everything as you stared at his sleeping figure, chest heaving up and down to match his heart beat.

You could almost feel him take your breath away. God, you loved him so bad.

Just you and me to infinity I can't fucking breathe, too much ecstasy

© chuulyssa 2024 - do not copy, plagiarize or repost my works on any platforms. do not translate.

[hannie-dul-set]

sorry but golden retriever sungchan x black cat reader is the only canon option! if you write a blurb on this pls i will actually kiss you in the mouth (ily btw)

[man on a mission]. jung sungchan has taken it upon himself to make you laugh at least once a day.

“you’re so fucking lame,” you tell him with a roll of your eyes, sitting in front of him at the cafeteria while he has two chopsticks sticking out of his nose. “gross,” you say, but the slight quirk of your lips and the way you quickly reach for your iced lemonade to cover it up makes him pump his fist in the air in victory— even at the expense of his image.

“ha! you laughed! i win.”

his other friends ask him why he even bothers. or, in the words of anton, “hyung, why are you so hell bent on making a fool out of yourself at least once a day?” but his motivations go beyond the selfish desire of proving that his sense of humor can even penetrate the moody and scary (i.e. you). sungchan has made is a mission to make you laugh every single day because of one single reason.

sungchan is simply sick and tired of people talking shit about you.

“it’s ridiculous!” he huffs, slamming both fists on the table after anton asked him the question. “they don’t even know them that well!” yet those same people call you bossy, call you a stick in the mud, temperamental and so on and so forth— which, sungchan has to admit isn’t all wrong. you’re always scowling or glaring or telling people off, but your love language is violence and words needled with spikes. sungchan is the only with enough fluency to see the tenderness in your light punches and your eloquent “fuck you’s” straight to his face.

no, he doesn’t want you to change. he doesn’t want you to soften up your edges just because of the thoughtless impressions of a couple dozen unimportant people. 

but it won’t hurt to see you laughing ever so often, right?

“oh my god, stop it,” you wheeze, hands pressed tightly to your face after sungchan shows you a dumb tiktok video he just saw, then imitating it with just as much grace and passion, causing you to snort out loud and burst into a fit. “fuck’s sake, i hate you so much.”

once more, mission accomplished. he forced you to tag along with his friends for dinner today, so that was a necessary move to break the ice— especially because anton is kind of afraid of you. seeing you out of your usual resting bitch face should ease their intimidation, and jung sungchan is proud of himself for a job well done seeing shotaro having a passionate discussion about a manga you’ve both read.

“no way, i couldn’t find a copy anywhere! can you lend it to me?”

there’s  a swell of pride in his chest seeing you talk so easily with someone else other than him. it’s nice to see other people finally seeing you in the same light as he had for the past couple of years. pride. yes. that’s exactly and the only thing he’s feeling right now.

“hey.”

but as your conversation with taro lengthens that you haven’t looked at him since laughing at his joke, and as eunseok discreetly calls his attention while staring at you from across the table with a look in his eyes that’s all too familiar— almost as if he’s looking straight at a mirror—sungchan thinks that maybe he should abort his mission.

“your friend has a pretty smile.”

he knows. he’s been trying to get everyone else to see it all this time.

[makemeimmortalwithahug]

2024 WRITING REVIEW

thank you for the tag @ahyperactivehero !!

stress free tags: @oddessea @nix-nihili @read-write-thrive

number of stories posted to ao3: 8! Exclusively Dead Boy Detectives and I started in August, there will be more in 2025!

word counted posted for last year: 45,885 words

fandoms i wrote for: Dead Boy Detectives

pairings: mainly payneland, but also palasaki

stories with the most kudos, bookmarks and comment threads:

kudos: I'll Love You Carefully - A cursed Edwin falls from the Tower Bridge and Charles rushes to his rescue

bookmarks: also I'll Love You Carefully (something about protective!Charles just hits right)

comment threads: The Road to Ruin - Edwin gets taken to Hell for the second time but Charles is in a much much worse mental state

work i’m most proud of (and why):

it must be The Road to Ruin because I am actually proud of my characterisation of Charles and it's my first attempt at a multi chapter fic, so that alone is enough for it to have a special place in my heart. I love really getting into the Hell aspect of it all and I think the introspective nature has something to it that I previously never quite managed to capture with my writing.

work i’m least proud of (and why):

probably How Could You Think, Darling, I'd Scare So Easily? - Charles gets capture by Esther and Edwin rescues him Tam Lin style. It was the second fic I ever posted but I have to say I should've worked longer on it. It's not bad but I realised that it could've been more angsty and it feels kind of rushed when I reread it now

share or describe a favorite review you received:

it was so hard to pick just one because I love every single comment and they all make me stay motivated and want to get better. But if it's just one, then probably this one:

(sorry for all the tags btw, oddessea dear, you've been such a huge part of my journey on ao3, I cannot thank you enough!)

I think this is the one comment that genuinely made me tear up because I had been struggling with the way I wanted to write this fic and reading that it apparently worked out was just absolutely bloody wonderful

a time when writing was really, really hard:

Probably the last few weeks because I have all of these ideas but also a lot of pressure (put there by myself, mind) to have them turn out perfectly. I won't get into any details, but real life hasn't been too good either for a while now, so it's hard to get into the right mindset sometimes. But it will get better

a scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

Crystal surprised me a lot! I adore her so much and I want to do her complexity justice and while I don't think I have posted a lot of Crystal yet, I enjoyed writing my palasaki fic Bloom Like A Flower so much because it allowed me to show that while Crystal is incredibly powerful and has been through a lot, she's still a teenager

a favourite excerpt of your writing:

I think this one stuck with me:

He pressed Charles even closer to himself, as if he wanted to embrace him fully, so as to not let any of his demons reach Charles in any way. Charles moved to brace his hands against Edwin, somewhere between resting them on his shoulders and pressing them against his collarbones. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to push Edwin away in desperation or pull him closer until no one could untangle them anymore. Edwin was coming undone around him and there was nothing for Charles to do to ease his pain. It was obvious that whatever Edwin was seeing, hearing, feeling, it was paranoia and not something Charles could see. How could you help someone who saw the world burning and crashing around them while you were still standing on solid ground, mere millimeters between both of your realities? - The Case of the Turning Key

how did you grow as a writer last year:

A lot, seeing as I had never written fanfic before and had been struggling with my original works for so long that calling it "writer's block" would've been a huge understatement. So just the fact that I managed to finish 7 (!) fics is already a huge accomplishment for me. Apart from that, I got better at finding the characters' voices when changing POVs.

who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer, beta, cheerleader, etc.)

shoutout to a few people as well!

I obviously have to thank @im-perfectly-normal-about-this for listening to my yapping about various ideas in dms and giving me feedback on my Charles characterisation! I appreciate you so much!

Also dear @oddessea for making my day with every single comment you write!

And then of course the entire DBDA Haunt server. Joining was probably the best decision I made in 2024 and all of our discussions in the writers room are so special to me.

Thank you to: @genevievefangirl, @ahyperactivehero, @read-write-thrive, @moonikabear, @dead-but-still-sarcastic, @zmorak (I'm so sorry if I forgot anyone! Y'all are all so loved!!)

anything from your real life show up in your writing last year:

definitely, little nods to things I enjoy or have done myself. I am good at projecting my own insecurities and problems onto Charles and of course the best example would be Days by the Sea - the agency goes on vacation in Scotland. That was entirely created from my wish to someday visit Scotland

any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

have fun!! When I don't pressure myself into writing and just do it for fun, I get the best results, not because they're perfect or anything, but because I genuinely enjoy working on them and then also feel good about finishing them. Having fun is already a big step

any projects you’re looking to starting (or finishing) this year?

The Road to Ruin will defintely find an ending in 2025! Apart from that, I obviously have my F1 AU that I've been yapping about. A different Modern AU and then let's see what I'll come up with next 👀 I'm looking forward to this year <3

[wuffgang-ameowdeus-moozart]

Aren't you tired of forced romances with no chemistry that only take away from the actually interesting plot? Don't you just want media where romance isn't portrayed as being superior and more important than (queer)platonic relationships?

Well, my exhausted aro ass is too, so here are a few tricks and wisdoms I've gathered over my years of being a-spec (which is all of them) on how to avoid romance (in media) in a very allonormative society 💚🤍🩶🖤

(this is a rec list btw. no I am not shitting on the shows that I tagged, quite the opposite)

1. Middle Grade

I get if you aren't really into that, because it is kind of annoying to be pointed to literal children's literature when all you want is a story that isn't constantly being interrupted by describing the main guy's heated eyes for the twentieth time.

However.

It is true that in middle grade, friendship is always more important than romance. Because, let's face it. Making two eleven year old characters kiss is kinda weird. So even if there is a romance, it isn't very prominent and treated more like friendship and/or a puppy crush. Plus some stories get surprisingly dark?!?!

Examples

- Howl's Moving Castle (Diana Wynne Jones), technically a romance in the end, but mostly focused on found family, shenanigans, and finding your own value

- House of Many Ways (DWJ). Yes, again. I really like her books okay? They always have something so fantastical and whimsical about them. This is my other favorite book by her and it has literally no romance at all. Plus a hmc cameo that is so fun !!

- Coraline (Neil Gaiman). Maybe this is cheating because I never actually read it. However. a) the movie traumatized me. b) Wybie was added to the movie, he doesn't exist in the book, so if "power of friendship" isn't your thing this will be great. Probably vibes over plot.

Flyte (Angie Sage). Technically this is the second book, but I never read the first one and still understood everything. Once again, no romance at all. A fun read, which can get surprisingly dark at times.

2. Short Story Collections

Once again, I get it if it isn't your thing. Short stories are - as the name reveals - short. Which means: no worldbuilding, very limited narrator, open ending, no time to really get attached to characters, etc.

But.

The cool thing about collections, is that they always have a certain theme. And as long as the theme is not romance, romance will not be the focus. Even if there is a romantic relationship, it will be used to explore this theme since there simply isn't time for anything else.

Examples:

Life Ceremony (Sayaka Murata) This is the book that actually made me figure out: hey! I do actually like short stories !! The main theme is basically about being different and it plays a lot with body horror and the perception of your own body in contrast with how society sees it. There is even a story about two women who platonically live together and raised multiple children!

Canterbury Classics: Classic Tales of Horror (introduction by Ernest Hilbert). As the name suggests, this is a collection of horror short stories, featuring well-known authors such as Bram Stoker, Edgar Allan Poe or Charlotte Perkins Gilman. As these are classic old tales, the language is a bit complicated at times and you can read them for free on Gutenberg. However, the book is very very pretty and the introduction is very interesting (Origins of the genre, specific tropes and monsters, etc.)

3. Podcasts

PODCASTS!!! If you follow me, you are probably already aware of those. However, in case you don't, let me introduce you to the wonderful world of Audiodramas.

The cool thing about Podcasts is that pretty much anyone can do it. All you need is an idea, a mic, a lot of motivation, and you're pretty much set to go. No producers or publishers you need to get approval from. So it is only natural that this medium is filled to the brim with queer creators. Basically every character is somewhat queer. It's awesome.

Examples:

- The Silt Verses. I adore TSV. I listened to the first season like, four times. (the second one is good too but OH MY GOD THE FIRST ONE). And one of the main characters is canonically and explicitly aro!! Sister Carpenter, I love you with my whole being. And the great thing is, it is very clear that the writers love her, too!! There is a lot (like a LOT) of body horror so it isn't for everybody. But if you think you can handle it I really recommend it. (Plus, not any romance plotlines at all !!)

- Wolf 359. This is one of the older ones and it is really good. It's a bunch of restless and very unwell people stuck in a spaceship under the unforgiving rule of capitalism. However bad you imagine it, I can assure you it is worse. But the really cool thing is that there literally isn't any romance at all. Like, there are great m/f friendships but they never even hint towards a romance. Some people are so unused to that that they literally ship the main dude with the fucking robot AI. (don't worry, not an actual romance plot).

- Girl in space. I am sure you will be absolutely shook to know that this one also takes place in space. It is about a girl. In space. Shocking, I know. Except that she has been on her own for well over a year when suddenly a fleet of strange ships arrive and kidnap her. There is also a very asshole-y robot. And questions about what makes us human. And found family!! And a goat. And cheese. Just go listen to it okay. This is also one of the shortest ones of the list, so maybe a good start.

- Malevolent. I have to confess that I personally am not a huge fan of this one? Like the premise is really cool - a detective who wakes up blind and with a demon in his head who can see through the detectives eyes. What the fuck?, you may ask yourself. So does Arthur Lester. Mysteries and other dimensions and a whole lot of pain ensues. Harlan is undeniably an awesome VA and a great writer, but his stories just seem a bit too repetitive to me? Nonetheless I know of lots of people who enjoy it a lot. Trying to define the relationship between Arthur and John (his demon) is perhaps the biggest mystery of them all. (Jk. there are multiple murders and stuff. they've really got other priorities)

- Middle:Below. This is another short one and probably the least famous of this list? It's about this funky lil dude with a ghost roommate and a cat who can talk (.....or can it?). There is a m/f friendship but it never turns into a romance (wow it is possible!!). They all go on adventures on the dimension between life and death. Despite the description, this is literally just a comedy. A bit spooky at best. Reminds me a bit of scarier kids cartoons like gravity falls.

4. "Gay" movies/series in countries with homophobic censorship

Now you may think, "hey that seems like a bit of an asshole move!". And you would be 100% correct in thinking that.

However.

It does also mean that the main relationship of the story can never be explicitly romantic. They can allude to it, they can try to show it. But they can never confirm. So it is very easy to interpret them as having a QPR. (because tbh I don't think I've ever seen one on television.)

Examples:

The Untamed. Look. I am aware that the first episode is so fucking atrocious, all right? And no, the CGI does in fact never get better. And sometimes the translated subtitles are a bit awkward. But I swear that it is so good. Trust me on this one, okay? Just make it through the first ep. It's a wild ride. Lan Zhan I love you. (However the book it is based on (written by a woman) depicts them being in an explicitly romantic relationship, with lots of very inaccurate and badly researched smut, so the fandom pretty much sees them as exclusively romantic.)

- Word of Honor. Very much in the same vein as The Untamed. Except that the first episode is less horrible. And the one dude has a very fruity fan. And they also raise a kid together. And the costumes of the villains are really fun!! I actually never finished this one tbh. I know that the book it is based on has one very extremely terrible ableist plot point, but I don't know if that made it into the show since I never got that far

The Devil Judge. The last two were fantasy, this one is a dystopia. Very tense and interesting. There is a romantic subplot (typical childhood friend vs bad boy love triangle), but he rejects the childhood friend and they can't exactly show him and the "bad boy" (who is actually a judge. and also kinda his sugar daddy) as explicitly romantic for the reason above. They also live in the same house and cook together and take care of a child together. Can totally recommend.

Assassination Classroom. A bunch of students have to kill their teacher who is an alien. that's literally the plot. I cried so hard at the finale. Nagisa and Karma have MASSIVE vibes and you can't convince me otherwise. (There is a romantic subplot that does end in a kiss, but they agree to continue as friends since those were..... extenuating circumstances. The dude very clearly is not into her). Nagisa also very aro-spec coded imo.

5. "Straightbaiting" Anime

Sometimes Anime does this thing (which I personally find very hilarious) where a boy and a girl will have no other romantic involvements or love interests while growing closer and closer, but never get together. A bit like reverse queerbaiting.

Examples:

- Fairy Tail. The ultimate power is friendship anime. That is all you need to know. (I should also perhaps warn you that the end of the last arc (and the sequel series, but we don't talk about that) are huge letdowns. Like the buildup? So good. But....welp. If that doesn't bother you too much and the idea to have a group of people be the main character instead of one person only, this may be the series for you. Just do yourself a favor and skip all the filler arcs

Soul Eater. I really love the vibes of this one. Once again, most of the fandom likes depicting them as explicitly romantic, but they never canonically are. It also reminds me a bit of creepy children cartoons. It is also where the superior fictional school exists, Devon. Frankenstein teaches there (the dude, not the monster). People transform into badass weapons. Nobody can convince me that Make Albarn is not a trans woman. However the ending deviates a bit from the manga, and I personally think the anime one is a bit worse

Noragami. This one will always hold a special place in my heart because it was the first anime I really watched. This one also has people who transform into weapons, but the vibes are very different. It goes a bit more into Japanese folklore in case that interests you.

Bonus: Canonically Aro/Heavily Aro-Coded Characters

They were not anywhere above because the stories they are in didn't really fit any of the categories. But they exist!

Wolf (Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts). I adore Wolf. There is also barely any romance. Like, it will seem like it at first, but don't worry, it's only straightbaiting. There is a romance subplot but it's very brief and very much in the background. Overall very good aro show 👍

Isaac (Heartstopper) Very queer show, very high likelihood that you already know of it. The series per se is very romance focused, but as far as I've heard the a-spec rep in S2 is really good

Georgia (Loveless). Actually never read it. But, well. Title pretty self-explanatory dare I say. By the same author as Heartstopper (Alice Oseman)

Chance/Chris and Shadow/Ryan (woe.begone) Are explicitly in a QPR together !! they are also probably the healthiest couple in the podcast lol

Henry Clerval (Frankenstein). Henry is the "a couple of besties!!" to Victor's "we look like a couple <3"

Barbie (Barbie 2023) If you've seen it you know what I mean.

Jo Marsh (Little Women). I never read the book, but Jo in the 2019 movie??? very sus.

I would also recommend checking out Japanese books! I personally think they are much better at writing romance than the western people lol. It's more about knowing each other and sharing your views of the world, thus changing each other and leaving a mark forever, even if the relationship ends. (studio ghibli romance vibes). My favorite Japanese book doesn't have an English translation :(

aber an alle Deutsch-Sprecher*innen: Die Katzen von Shinjuku (Durian Sukegawa) -> og title: Shinjuku no Neko

Can't think of anything else right now, but please leave some of your own recommendations! Hope this helps ^^

[cxffecoupx]

✧˖*°࿐ 2024 tumblr wrapped

as this year comes to an end, and we revisit the memories it brought, it's only appropriate that we go through this past year in this account. thankfully, i was tagged by @monamipencil in her tumblr wrapped post, which gave me the motivation to make this post (which i otherwise would have procrastinated on) that gives me the opportunity to share a glance at this year in writing.

before we get into it, i wanna take a moment to thank everyone from the bottomest pit of my little heart: followers; fellow creators who I always look up to; every anon who's sent me an ask, even if it's just to ramble; everyone who's read any of my work and who's shown love to them. what this account is right now, is all because of your support and love. so really, i love you with every single living cell in my body.

for some basic details:

this account was created on may 14 (counting the day of the first post), so it's been 232 days of cxffecoupx!

as of the moment i'm writing this, we have 762 followers — a truly huge family indeed!

i've posted 40 works (crazy to even think about that??)

made 326 posts all together (i do yap a lot).

made a few really good friends...

...and also realised i would like to post even more in the coming year

for someone as inconsistent as me, i sure feel very surprised at the performance this year (you can actually see how low I'd expected of myself lol), and i'm so so grateful to y'all for all your love.

now, for some post specific stats:

again, i've posted 40 works this year.

top fic of 2024 — [11:18 pm]; seungcheol × reader; 2k notes.

longest fic — realising they're in love with you; ot13 × reader; 1.4k words. here for you; joshua × reader; 1.4k words .

personal fav — (you can't make me choose btw my babies >:(!!) what 2 am with them looks like; ot13 × reader. cheol as a girl dad; seungcheol × reader.

top member — seungcheol (very biased, i know).

total word count of 2024 — (idk i need my laptop to check ಥ⁠‿⁠ಥ; will update soon tho).

this is all about my writing and works. again, i would like to thank every single one of you who's taken even a little time out to read any of it; i seriously cannot express it enough, i really really mean it.

using this section to dedicate some special thanks and extra love to a few people:

@simpxxstan — no amount of words would be enough to thank you. for all the times you've patiently listened to my rants and silliest ideas. for every time you've approached me to share your own thoughts because that just makes me feel soo loved. for all the times you've supported and encouraged me, not just for all the caratlife related stuff, but also personal problems and struggles. for helping me get through this semester of master's while you were going through it yourself. if i could invent a new word to convey all the gratefulness i have towards you, i'd gladly use that right now.

@seungcheorry — one of the reasons cxffecoupx is what it is today. if it weren't for your support and guidance, i'd still be using my personal account and there would be no cxffecoupx. and although it all started like that, you've only continued to show your kindness by your ongoing support and love, even during difficult times for you. please know that i'll always be here for you to reach out to. always.

@wonuumelody — the first friend i made here. the first person who messaged me to tell me how much she liked my very first post. literally gave me all the more reason to keep posting, because if not for anyone else, then atleast for her. thank you so much for your kind words that day; it still keeps me going.

@ylangelegy — where do i even begin with kae? i found the account through a coincidence and it's been such a rollercoaster ride for me since then. tbh, i look up to them as someone i'd like to use as my guiding light when things get rough. when i feel like the words i write do not look pretty, they're always the first to show me that they are. and that it more than enough at the time for me. my personal cheerleader, know that i'm always at the bleachers, cheering you on too.

@monamipencil — this is such a whiplash for me because this person was someone i used to look up to since the beginning of my cxffecoupx days,,, and then one day she interacted with my posts???? ris starstruck moment fr because i could not believe my eyes. so this will forever remain a core memory for me. truly.

@hearts4hansol — ofc i need to mention my secret santa, the one who kept me so entertained this whole month of december and gifted me something so so special that it'll remain in a part of my mind and heart for as long as cxffecoupx exists. i want to apologise again for all the messages i haven't replied to yet, and also thank you for all the silent support you've given me 'anonymously'.

@mejaemin — my only nct moot here. she has a special place in the neon green section of my heart. i love you so so much.

plus a few other people i'm sure to have left out. please don't feel i've forgotten, because someway or another, i'm grateful for your love and your part in showing support that has given me fuel to keep going on. this also goes to all the anons who've sent in their requests (including those i havent yet responded to; i see them everyday and i will most definitely get to them).

resolutions for next year?

write more — seriously. even though i feel like 40 works for half of the year seemed surprising to me, i do hope to be able to post some good stuff i can feel proud of. it's a bit difficult, but i'll try my best to reach there.

work through the requests and drafts — i have around 10-15 requests in the inbox, and nearly 30-40 little drafts (one-liners mostly, a brief clue about the idea i jotted down earlier). i would LOVE to be able to work through those and finish them up. that would honestly be so satisfying omg.

as a sidenote to the previous two resolutions, i would like to finish winter wonderland — by posting the remaining two drabbles. i know i've been pushing it for too long now, and i hate it as much as you do, honestly. so i would love to get that done first tbvh.

interact more — come across more writing blogs and make more moots. it's always fun to talk to someone (i am like this only on the net). this would also allow me to read more variety of stories and possibly learn something from them.

on a personal note — do well academically, make more friends, (hopefully) find new love, travel and explore more... might add more to this bingo card.

with this, we reach the end of my 2024 tumblr wrapped (ended up a little too long, pardon). thank you so much for this opportunity to let me take a glance back at this year, to learn from my mistakes and do better next time.

(not really tagging anyone because 2024 is almost over now, but if she's up to it, then i'd love to see @simpxxstan do it + anyone else who's interested, (i'm a little nosy and) would love to see it!!)

the time here is 23:45.

signing off as cxffecoupx of 2024.

see you on the other side.

happy new year! i love y'all <3

[dustofthedailylife]

"There Are A Million Reasons To Be Happy - But You Are Mine."

Alhaitham x (gn!)Reader tags// angst, very bittersweet, no comfort, mentions of death

A/N: Short drabble that I needed to get out of my system sjdklsjkf. I do not take any responsibility for any possible emotional damage this may cause btw... *cough*

You never thought the day you'd lose Alhaitham forever would come so soon. Not when you had still planned to do so much together. Not when you still had your entire life ahead of you.

But then that fatal accident happened no one could have possibly foreseen.

Never in a million years did you think that Alhaitham would be taken from you in such a cruel way. Never did you expect you'd wish him a nice day in the morning and would never be able to hear his voice again after.

Now you were sitting on the cold stone floor of his office in your shared home seeking comfort in flipping through the pages of his favorite books.

Your throat too coarse to scream anymore, your body too weak to spill more tears. Numbness was the only thing left inside your hollow heart.

The spines and pages of the books before you were worn down by the excessive use they had found on a daily basis. And yet they felt familiar - comforting.

Little notes on some pages, bookmarks stuck in between others that made you feel like he was still with you. Made you feel like he was about to come home and would continue reading where he left off the day prior.

They felt like a little piece of him that was proof that he existed. That he was once part of your life.

And then you found the book in the drawer of his desk. It was a small olive-green leather book titled "Reasons To Be Happy". You had never seen it before yet it felt like it contained a key part of him.

You picked it up with shaky hands and began flipping through the pages. But soon your vision became blurred. Tears, you no longer knew you were able to spill, pooled in your eyes and left wet streaks in their wake as they cascaded down your face once more. Because as soon as you realized what the contents of the little book in your hands were, your heart shattered into a million pieces.

It contained a compendium of handwritten entries dating all the way back to the day you and Alhaitham met.

Everything you had done since that had filled him with joy, every trip and memory that had made him smile, no matter how minuscule they might've seemed to you - they were in here, recorded forever.

"You kissed my forehead and draped a blanket over me when you thought I fell asleep on the sofa." "You gifted me the book I briefly mentioned I wanted." "We went on a trip to a desert oasis together today. You're the reason I find enjoyment in even the most desolate places." "You were surprised you got the job you applied for, but I always knew you would. Your beaming smile that day made me fall in love all over again."

And the title page read: "There are a million reasons to be happy and a million things to find happiness in - but you are mine."

Do not repost, copy, translate or edit - © dustofthedailylife || reblogs, comments, and asks about Genshin, HSR or my fics are always greatly appreciated and motivate me!

[plutoccult]

HAIKYUU X THE OFFICE AU — EPISODE FIVE: BOOZE CRUISE

pairing: sugawara koushi x female reader

description: ukai attempts to help the office bond more by booking a booze cruise for his employees… in the middle of winter. meanwhile, tanaka miserably tries to set suga up with his older sister per kiyoko’s suggestion.

word count: 6.5k

also available to read on my ao3 here

author’s note: hey, i changed my user! i was @310802 before, now i’m @plutoccult! i also had to repost this because the original post wasn’t showing up in ANY tags, so i’m sorry if you already read it before i did this! moving on, i was SO EXCITED to write this episode. i know i neglected the katy storyline from the show, so i decided to take the opportunity to somewhat use that for this episode as a little one-off. i think i was clever with its use too… i’m trying to balance the amount of “screen”time between the reader and suga, but some episodes may just end up needing more focus on suga for the sake of the storyline. anyway, the next few weeks is gonna be updates galore, so you’re all gonna be FED. btw, thank you to @dragon-slayer5 for beta reading this! enjoy!

tags: @toorubobatea @intorder @dragon-slayer5 @femme-lune @jeanboyjean @cowgirlikets @imissyuuji @darthferbert @kazuchaos @bakagun1312 @beingbrokenfitsus @mumblepingu @daedaep69 @intheewrld @msbyomimi @sukxma @akari-fujikawa @milkteeboba

taglist form here

suga considered lunchtime to be the only time of day where he could actually catch a break. he seemed to have a hard time catching any sort of breaks lately, especially when it came to his miserable love life. as much as he wanted things to change, today would certainly be no different.

since suga entered the office building this morning, tanaka had his eyes on him like an hawk. it was creepy how every time suga looked away from his computer, tanaka was staring right at him. but why? did he have something on his face? was his hair actually looking gray? no, that would be terrible. there can’t be anything than that.

to hopefully get tanaka’s eyes off him for once, suga got up and headed down to the hallway where the vending machines were. maybe a little snack would ease the unnerving feeling in his stomach. unfortunately, tanaka was already on his way to follow.

suga pondered over his choices, and before he knew it, tanaka’s reflection was seen in the glass of the vending machine. it was like a scene straight out of a horror movie, but suga decided to ignore him and pray he would go away, then continued to ponder over what to pick.

“a little birdie told me something.” tanaka spoke up.

oh no. “what?”

“nothing.” he smirked.

you enter, also looking to use the vending machine. great, just what this moment needed, suga thought.

“hey, guys.” you greet the two men, no clue about what’s going on. it was better if you didn’t know.

“oh, hi, y/n.” suga slightly blushed.

a smirk crept up on tanaka’s face. suga began to wonder about tanaka’s motives even more, but shook it off and picked a bag of sour cream and onion chips before walking back to his desk. tanaka quickly followed behind, which you found weird considering you assumed he was waiting for his turn to use the vending machine. you figured “oh well”, got your snack, and went back to your desk.

you sit down and meet eyes with suga who’s about pop a chip into his mouth. you quickly open up your bag and pull out a chip, doing a little “clink” with your chips from across the room, which suga immediately thought to reciprocate. it was good to know you two were still in sync.

a few minutes later, ukai returned from eating out for lunch, which he typically did almost every day. oh, how you wished you could afford ordering food for lunch all the time like your boss, but alas, you were just the receptionist.

“hello, everyone.” ukai said as he hung up his coat.

“welcome back, ukai.” tanaka replied before loudly whispering in suga’s ear. “i know your secret…”

my god. as much as suga was totally freaked out right now, ukai thought tanaka’s menacing words were directed towards him instead. “what?! i don’t have any secrets!”

suga and tanaka both look into the camera with furrowed eyebrows.

•••

the crew loved putting you and suga together for interviews. and given the drama that’s soon to come, they had to use every opportunity possible.

“so, ukai sent everyone a very interesting email last week.” you say the camera.

“yeah, it was, um… quite the thinker.” suga chuckled.

“mhm. it said, “it's time for our first quarter camaraderie event, so pack a swimsuit, a toothbrush, rubber-soled shoes, and a ski mask.” you read out the email from your phone. “i’m not really sure what that exactly equates to…”

“clearly, he wants to us to rob a bank and escape through the sewers afterwards.” suga shrugged. that was totally the obvious conclusion.

“then brush our teeth after a hard time committing crimes?” you jokingly question.

“yeah, exactly.” suga smiled at you, making you blush. you quickly turn to the crew and wonder if they noticed that, but it was obvious they did. the cameras catch everything.

•••

now the question that remained rent-free in everyone’s minds was what the hell ukai could possibly be planning this year. he was never up to any good, always doing something completely out of the box. he was simply incapable of doing anything normal. it made work interesting, but sometimes you all wished ukai take a chill pill for once.

at the most random time, ukai emerged from his office with an announcement. why he always did this, you couldn’t help but wonder, yet you didn’t hesitate to look away from your computer to hear what he had to say this time around.

“everyone, it appears some of you have figured me out.” ukai said to grab everyone’s attention. “so, it is now time to unveil the destination of this year's retreat. drumroll, please.”

no one provides a drumroll, much to ukai’s disappointment. “really? no drumroll? not even you, tanaka?”

“just spit it out already.” tanaka groaned.

“okay, fine.” he sighed before announcing the big news. “i got us a riverboat cruise on the abukuma river! it’s gonna be a booze cruise!”

a booze cruise? god, for a paper company, you guys sure consumed a lot of alcohol. plus, the combination of ukai and a cruise ship already seemed like a total disaster. when you add booze into the mix, it was almost comparable to the end of the world.

ukai received practically cricket noises from his employees, daichi being the one to express what was on everyone’s minds. “ukai, it’s january.”

“so? it was cheaper.” ukai shrugged. if it were any other month, like—hm, who knows—any month in the summer, maybe they’d show a little more excitement.

“and what is up with you and booze?” daichi asked. again, something you’ve all thought about at least once. “this is like when hinata was addicted to mixing buzzballz with every soda known to man.”

“pepsi with the cranberry flavor was the best…” hinata randomly spoke up, remembering that month-long phase last year. it wasn’t pretty, to say the least.

“gross…” kageyama shook his head in disgust.

“you don’t get it like i do, kageyama.” hinata protested.

“what is that supposed to mean?” kageyama raised an eyebrow, ready to start up an argument with his desk neighbor at any given second. typical, of course. you wondered when it would ever get old.

“okay, shut up before you two start making out!” ukai interrupted them before another hr fiasco occurred. again.

“what?!” the two gawked in unison. did they really give off that vibe?

“anyway!” ukai forced a laugh and switched the subject back to the cruise. “just hear me out guys, okay? let me cook. i’m combining fun with education! it’s gonna be mind-blowing.”

“sounds like you just want another excuse to party.”

“it’s not a party, it’s a bonding exercise.” ukai corrected him. “i’m helping us bond. people find lifelong friends in the workplace. others may find the love of their lives.”

ukai was right, shockingly. people do find lifelong friends. suga knew he would always stay friends with daichi for life, and even if tsukishima got on his nerves sometimes, he wasn’t the worst person in the world to be around. there would always be a bond between your coworkers. maybe you were all trauma bonded from dealing with ukai for all these years, but it was an unforgettable bond nonetheless.

suga blushed out of embarrassment from that last statement. some do find the love of their lives. he liked to believe you were the love of his life, swearing he found such a thing his first day at the office. the second he walked through that door and was met with your face, the words “japan pulp and paper, this is y/n. please hold.” coming out of your mouth as you spoke on the phone before setting it down to ask him what he needed. suga knew, right then and there, that he had found his future wife, but oh how he wished he knew back then what he would be in for years later.

even if ukai was oddly onto something for once, not everyone was interested. asahi, who had yet to survive a full year at the office, raised his hand and attempted to opt out of the event. “can i sit this one out? i have… a thing… later…”

“nice try, asahi.” ukai rolled his eyes. “this is mandatory. i better see your beefy ass on that dock tonight.”

“i’m not that beefy…” asahi said with a tinge of red on his cheeks.

“you so are, bro. those glutes go crazy.” nishinoya said confidently.

asahi wasn’t sure why nishinoya was paying attention to that area of his body, but he took the compliment anyway, although continuing to question it. “thank you?”

“glad we got that covered.” ukai said. “now, before we go on this cruise later, we have to talk about safety.”

“you’re literally the most unsafe person here, ukai.” you speak up. if anyone knew ukai best, it would very well be you, always there to deal with his antics and sometimes assist in them. the time you helped ukai hack into a higher up’s email account to prevent a picture of his ass that he accidentally sent being seen would go down in office history. you saved his ass, quite literally.

“ugh, come on!” ukai huffed. “i saw titantic a million times and i refuse to let us all die like leonardo dicaprio!”

•••

“do you think you could save one of your employees in the face of danger?”

“um, hello? i took a swimming class once. of course, i could save one of them.” ukai sassily replied to the documentary crew. “besides, we all know jack and rose could’ve both fit on that door at the end of titanic. james cameron is such a liar.”

•••

later on, suga went to go grab a cup of coffee in the break room. before he knew it, he was being cornered by tanaka, the sound of his name being called practically scaring him shitless. “sugawara koushi.”

“jesus christ.” suga jumped, putting his hand over his chest to feel his heartbeat. “do not use my full name like that ever again.”

“shut up.” tanaka shushed him and pressed his index finger over suga’s mouth to further silence him. “how would you… like to… take my sister as your date for the booze cruise tonight?”

there was no way this could be real life right now, suga thought. being in this position with tanaka was weird enough, but taking his sister as his date? he wasn’t even aware people were taking dates for this. it was no contest who suga truly wanted to take as a date, but of course it wasn’t an option, and he didn’t want to settle.

“your… sister? uh, no thanks.” suga turned the idea down without hesitation. however, tanaka was feeling devious.

“really?” he moved his finger away and crossed his arms with a smirk on his face. “kiyoko told me everything, suga. i know you have feelings for—”

oh no. not again.

“oh my god, shut your fucking mouth!” suga exclaimed with wide eyes, slapping his hands over tanaka’s mouth so he’d be quiet. to hell with censorship, this was critical. at this rate, the whole damn office was going to find out about suga’s pathetic feelings. he was going to end up broke by the time he bribed everyone to keep their mouths shut. his poor wallet and heartstrings can’t suffer any longer.

“woah, woah, woah!” tanaka laughed awkwardly, actually kind of scared over suga’s newfound rage. “language, my man!”

“whatever!” suga yelled “why the hell did she tell you?!”

“well, it was her idea to set you up with my sister, and i wanted to know why, so…” tanaka replied timidly, hoping kiyoko wouldn’t kill him later for pinning part of the blame onto her. well, unless suga didn’t get to her first.

“god fucking dammit.” suga cursed as he walked away from this monstrosity of a conversation. now, where was he off to? to confront kiyoko about the mess she’s made, of course.

“well? are you taking her out or not?!” tanaka yelled out to suga on his way out, receiving a middle finger in response, which will undoubtedly be blurred out in post production. the editing team had a lot of work cut out for them, that’s for sure.

on a mission like his life—and certainly dignity—depended on it, suga stormed up to kiyoko’s desk, where tsukishima and yamaguchi sat across from one another.

“kiyoko.” he towered over her as she sat in her chair, completely unbothered by him. “you were sworn to secrecy.”

“actually, only tsukishima was because you gave him twenty bucks.” kiyoko said. “you didn’t buy my silence.”

well, no wonder she spilled the beans. tsukishima got money, she didn’t. it’s not like kiyoko had asked that day at the christmas party, but suga certainly should have known better than to not doubt her. yamaguchi, however, was one big ol’ question mark. “yamaguchi? what about your silence?”

“i don’t like taking advantage of those less fortunate than me.” yamaguchi replied to him, those savage words coming out so innocent from his voice.

“less fortunate?!” suga gasped. it was beyond insulting, but he couldn’t even be that mad hearing it come from yamaguchi. now, if it were tsukishima talking, he’d insult him right back.

“suga, you need to have eyes on other women.” kiyoko lectured him. it’s not like she was wrong, obviously suga knew that, but the heart wants what it wants, and no matter what, his heart wanted you.

“but did you really have to tell tanaka about it?” suga whined.

tsukishima almost choked on his drink. “you told—”

“quiet.” kiyoko shushed tsukishima. “listen, suga. i’m doing you a favor, okay? just… take saeko out. just once. maybe it could take your mind off you know who for a little while?”

suga didn’t really have much choice, did he? maybe being seen with another woman will throw away any suspicion his coworkers may potentially have. it definitely won’t take his mind off of you, but at the very least, suga could have some sort of benefit from this whole ordeal.

“and will you keep your mouth shut if i do?” he asked, the most important question of all.

“accompanied by some cash, yes.” kiyoko said. why, of course.

giving in, suga let out a sigh as he whipped out his wallet and handed kiyoko money. she took the bill with a smile on her face, slyly putting in it her pocket.

“what about me—” yamaguchi began to say before suga cut him off.

“i’m less fortunate, remember?” he replied sassily, a nod to what yamaguchi said earlier. suga then finally went back to his desk, muttering curses to himself. “assholes.”

•••

“i’m gonna end up killing someone.” suga said to the camera with an unsettling smile, which quickly faded when he realized he couldn’t actually commit murder like he desired in the moment. “actually, i can’t do that. i’m still waiting for gta 6 to come out.”

“what?”

“none of you guys are waiting for gta 6?” he furrowed his eyebrows before pouting when the crew shook their heads no. “aw, come on…”

•••

once the sun set for the night, the employees of japan pulp and paper all met up at the dock for tonight’s booze cruise. ukai, who arrived far too early, waved his arms in the air for his employees, motioning them to board the boat, acting as if he were the captain of it.

“all aboard!”

“isn’t that what people say on trains?” you ask as you arrive with ryo, shocked he’s not totally against coming here tonight. it was safe to assume it’s because of the open bar, when you really thought it through.

“that’s such a stupid question.” ryo scoffed. of course, a part of him hated being around your obnoxious coworkers. that was no surprise, unfortunately.

“whatever.” you sigh. “sorry i asked, i guess…”

meanwhile, suga parked his car in the parking, just now arriving. he hoped he wasn’t late as he really didn’t need to feel tanaka’s and/or kiyoko’s wrath. he may as well feel it regardless of his time of arrival. suga didn’t want this date tonight. that too was no surprise.

as he got out of his car, suga’s eyes landed on the coolest motorcycle he had ever seen. whoever owned it must take really good care of it, like it was their child or something, he thought to himself. suga didn’t think of the motorcycle much further as he heard a car door slam from far away. he turned around, hoping it was you, but it turned out to kiyoko and yachi rushing towards him.

“sugawara!” they yell out.

suga put his hands out in front of him, hoping to shield the two girls away. “oh god, am i being ambushed?”

“no.” kiyoko replied to his question out of breath. she knew quitting track in high school was a terrible idea. “we were waiting for you to arrive.”

“why..?” suga furrowed his eyebrows.

“to make sure you’re ready for tonight.” yachi said on kiyoko’s behalf.

what did he exactly to be ready for? a date he was forced into with a woman he’s never met? frankly, suga he didn’t really want to meet tanaka’s sister. it was nothing against her personally, she just wasn’t you.

“do i need to give you money too, yachi?” he groaned.

“that’s like taking money from charity.” she replied. man, yachi was just as savage as yamaguchi. they’re truly made for each other.

“wow, just wow.” suga said in disbelief. “look, i’m here, isn’t that good enough?”

“no.” kiyoko deadpanned.

he didn’t have time for this bullshit. suga was just going that stupid dock. “i’m walking away.”

“but—” kiyoko and yachi go after him, but can’t seem to keep up.

suga didn’t really think this through. he was just so irritated that he had to get away from kiyoko and yachi. suga didn’t think about where his feet were going, but before he knew it, he was right at the dock, freezing when you saw you with your fiancé. god, he really regretted his life choices right now.

“suga, come here, pretty boy!” he’s snapped back to reality thanks to tanaka calling out his name. without any chance to take a step, kiyoko and yachi creep up behind him and push him to move. you watch the events unravel, wondering what’s going on, but shake it off bring your back to ryo.

suga stumbled to tanaka and an unfamiliar woman. he met eyes with her, a look of shock evidently present on his face. how can someone related to a bozo like tanaka be so… attractive? no. suga couldn’t think like that. she was tanaka’s sister.

“this is my sister, saeko.” tanaka said, waiting for one of them to say something.

“hiya, suga.” saeko extended her hand out for a handshake. “nice to meet you.”

“hello.” suga replied awkwardly, reciprocating the handshake. thank god it was winter. otherwise, they wouldn’t be wearing gloves.

“have her home by midnight.” tanaka joked. “i’m just kidding, she rode herself here.”

“huh?” suga questioned.

“oh, she’s a biker. have fun!” tanaka then walked away to follow kiyoko, who was boarding the ship with yachi. at least suga knew where that awesome motorcycle belonged to.

now alone with saeko, suga turned his head and watched you board the ship with ryo. he looked back to saeko and examined her face for a second before deciding his next action. she was a very pretty woman, but that simply couldn’t fill the void in suga’s heart. he had to be honest while he had the chance. it was only fair.

“listen, saeko… you seem like a really nice girl, but tanaka is only doing this because i’m in love with a girl that works here and wants to help me get over her.” he admitted, a weight lifted off his shoulders after revealing the truth. “i just think i should be honest.”

“oh, i know.” saeko replied bluntly. “he told me all about that.”

suga blinked a couple times and tried to make sure he heard that correctly. “he did?”

“yeah, i’m just doing this because i owe him one.” she shrugged. “besides, i don’t really date older guys.”

“older?” right. the hair. of course.

“i can play wingwoman for ya! don’t worry, pops.” saeko lightly punched him in the arm, followed by an obnoxiously loud laugh. suga looked to the cameras for help, but the crew just stood in their place.

•••

“tanaka…” suga let out a long sigh. “what the hell have you gotten me into?”

•••

after going through all of the safety measures for the cruise, the office were finally allowed to have their fun. it seemed that telling saeko the truth was the best idea suga ever had as she wanted to help him out by trying to make you jealous. well, if that’s even possible, but who knows? it was worth a shot.

suga and saeko walked to you and ryo as you sat together at one of the many tables. their arms were interlinked, surely making some sort of statement.

“y/n, ryo.” suga said to catch your attention, although he ended up catching ryo’s attention more than yours thanks to saeko.

“well, well, well. who’s the pretty lady you brought with you tonight, suga?” ryo asked with a smirk.

you weren’t all that phased until ryo spoke up. saeko wasn’t just pretty to you, she was beautiful, far more than you ever thought of yourself. you can’t remember the last time ryo ever gave you eyes like the ones he was giving saeko now. you weren’t sure who or what you were jealous of right now. the fact that suga was on a date, your fiancé ogling at said date, or that she was so much prettier than you. you cursed yourself in your head for those thought. you didn’t have a right to be jealous of suga. he had every right to date, he was single, you were not.

now that you thought about it, suga never really dated anyone since he started at the office. as far as you knew, at least. you wondered why that was, but it was impossible to pinpoint it down to one reason. you were so painfully blind to the truth.

“uh, this is—” suga began to introduce saeko until she interrupted him.

“saeko. nice to meet you.” she said with a smile.

“she’s tanaka’s sister.” suga added for a little salt in the wound.

“oh…” your eyes widened. you look to ryo and see as he gave suga a high five, telling him he hit the jackpot. you felt sick, and it definitely had nothing to do with the sea.

suga sat next to you, making you in between him and ryo. saeko sat on the end with suga, showing her excitement about the booze cruise. “i feel like we're in high school and we're sitting at the cool table. how fun.”

“yeah.” you reply, trying to remain as chill as possible. you had to keep telling yourself that she wasn’t a villain, she was just a really nice girl who got lucky to be with suga tonight.

“y/n, what were you like in high school?” saeko asked you.

ryo, however, answered the question for you, letting out a cackle as he practically insulted you in front of the whole table. “oh, she was a total, total dork. it took her getting pretty in college for me to notice her.”

“ha! that’s hilarious!” saeko giggled, nudging suga to laugh as she thought this would work with their plan, but he didn’t find it funny whatsoever. it was completely insulting to you.

“it’s really not…” suga muttered to himself.

“where did you go to school?” ryo asked saeko.

“karasuno.” she replied instantly.

“woah… you guys had the tiny giant, didn’t you?” ryo gasped, referring to a well known former high school volleyball player. despite being at his peak, he retired after graduating high school, never once playing professionally. everyone always wondered about what could’ve been, including ryo, who was one of the many people that heard the tale of the tiny giant.

“yeah, i went to school with him.” saeko bragged. it was far from a humble brag, it was awesome.

“woah! what was he like?” ryo questioned in amazement.

“uh… tiny, i guess?” saeko shrugged. she wasn’t quite sure how to answer that question as she never knew the guy personally, just passed him in the hallways on occasion.

suddenly, the cupid shuffle blared through the speakers. nishinoya had taken over the music and started to play his own playlist, claiming the dj “sucked ass” and decided to take matters into his own hands. there wasn’t much protest as everyone began dancing together, including saeko and ryo who get up from the table and decide to join in on the dance.

suga watched the sight, glad to finally have a moment just with you, but when he turned his head to say something to you, it seemed as if you disappeared. of course, he wondered where you went off to, and decided to find you.

you stood alone, leaning your back against the railing of the boat and rubbing your hands together for warmth. it all became overwhelming for you too quickly, and you figured ryo wouldn’t notice you leaving anyway. even so, it still shocked you when suga noticed, finding you in your lonely spot.

“getting too rowdy?” he asked you.

“mhm…” you nod as you shiver a little.

“yeah, i’m not really a fan of making my ears bleed.” suga said to lighten things up. he wondered if this was a good time to admit the truth about the whole saeko thing, that it was all a set up to get your attention because he was in love with you, but before he had the chance, you blurted out something he didn’t expect out of you.

“sometimes i just don't get ryo.”

suga gulped as his eyes widened for a brief second. “oh…”

“i mean, i don't know. it’s whatever.” you shake the feeling off. why were you saying this to suga anyway? it wasn’t his burden to carry. “so... what's it like going out with tanaka’s sister?”

“oh, um...” suga struggled to answer the question. a long silence followed, making you both feel awkward. there was so many things the two of you could say to each other right now.

“i'm cold.” you say with a faint laugh before heading back to your coworkers, suga following not long after. it was easy just to ignore the unspoken tension.

•••

“how’s the booze cruise going so far?”

“kind of wish things were different right about now.” suga forced a laugh. it was clear he was in pure misery. “haha… i need a drink.”

•••

you return to the group, scanning the area. ryo was chatting it up with one of his coworkers from the warehouse, chugging drinks together and sharing a laugh. you then see kiyoko and yachi pull suga by his arm, seemingly yelling at him for reasons you weren’t sure of whatsoever. your choices of where to go were limited, so you return to your table and see saeko sitting alone with a beer. it seemed like a good idea to have a friendly chat with her.

“hey.” you sit down next to her.

“hey.” she greeted you, taking a swig of her beer bottle.

“i never really liked beer.” you say, trying to start up a conversation. whatever topic worked, you were fine with. as adults, talking about alcohol seemed like the best bet.

“oh, you don’t?” saeko questioned. “you just have to find the right brand, honestly. some taste like shit.”

“ha, yeah.” you quietly laugh and rest your face in your hand. saeko immediately noticed the ring on your finger, even if it’s lost its sparkle as the years have gone by.

“woah, nice ring.” she said in amazement.

you look at your ring, shocked by the compliment. it wasn’t anything special, but you appreciated it anyway. “oh, thank you.”

“i'd like to be engaged.” saeko sighed. “how did you manage to pull that off?”

“uh, i've been engaged for three years, and there's no end in sight, so... you don't wanna ask me for any advice.” you force a laugh. god, you‘d kill for the waiting game to finally end.

unbeknownst to you, ryo overheard what you said, and he decided that tonight was the best night to finally take some action when you least expected it.

•••

“what do you think of saeko?”

such an awkward question for the crew to ask you, don’t you think? even so, you had to answer it without making a complete fool of yourself.

“she’s nice.” you shrug. it technically wasn’t a lie, but you sure quickly pulled it out of your ass. “really pretty too. crazy to think she’s related to tanaka…”

“but what about suga taking her as his date tonight?” and there’s the stinger. you didn’t have a right to be jealous, did you?

“uh… doesn’t really matter what i think, i’d say.” you say timidly and look away from the camera.

•••

out of nowhere, ryo got ahold of the dj’s microphone, seemingly about to make an announcement. what the announcement was, you didn’t know, but you sure as hell were scared to know what it would be.

“everybody, could i have your attention for just a second? could you guys listen to me for a second?” he said into the microphone.

everyone stopped what they were doing to look at ryo. suga had a terrible feeling this wasn’t going to be any good, at least not for him.

“i was just, um…” ryo paused before he dropped the ultimate bomb in front of everyone. “y/n, i think enough is enough. i think we should set a date for our wedding. how about june tenth?”

your eyes widen in shock and you find everyone’s eyes are on you. suga swore he felt his heart drop, desperately waiting for your answer like everybody else. wasn’t this what you wanted? to finally get married? it was hard to think that this was real life. you almost wished time would just stop for a second, but the time kept ticking as you had yet to say a thing.

“well, what do you say?” ryo asked.

before you said anything, you immediately look for suga. he was supposed to be your knight in shining armor, you thought, but now when you desperately needed his saving, he was nowhere to be found. maybe this was a sign that you should say yes. after all, you said yes the first time, right?

“okay..?” you answer.

the room felt silent before everyone erupted into cheers, you the least excited person present. “she said okay!”

you’re ushered to get up and head to ryo. he wrapped an arm around your shoulder and planted a big kiss on your temple. it might as well be the most affectionate he’s been towards you in a very long time, but of course, it was when he had a large group of eyes all on him. while part of you was happy you finally began to see a light at the end of the tunnel, the other part of you felt that this was all just for show. but maybe things will be different. you always think that, but you wanted to think that it would really be different this time.

ukai hopped to you and ryo, quickly hugging you and sharing his excitement for you two. “woah, congratulations, you guys! i knew it would happen eventually!”

“did you?” you raise an eyebrow, looking back on all those past jokes about your engagement.

“uh, yes, y/n. of course, i did.” ukai replied sarcastically. he actually didn’t see this coming, but he wanted in on the attention. “now you have to let me give you away!”

“uh, no thank you.” you quickly shut the idea down. even when all the attention was on you (and your fiancé), your mind still went back to suga. he should be here celebrating with you. you wanted him here. he was your best friend, after all. “um, where’s suga?”

“i don’t know, i thought he was right—“ ukai looked around and saw he was nowhere in sight. “oh, seems he vanished.”

“i should—“ you began to say before ukai cut you off.

“no, no. i’ll go find him.” he insisted. “go celebrate!”

“yeah, okay…” you frown as you watch ukai walk away to find suga.

ukai searched around for suga for quite a bit. when he disappeared, he really took it seriously. it was like he vanished out of thin air. ukai hoped he didn’t jump off the ship or something, and luckily before he could cause a scene over a potentially missing employee, suga was found.

“hey, suga.” he said to him. “you, uh, disappeared, man. did you hear the news?”

“uh-huh. i sure did.” suga said, looking down at the deep, dark ocean, almost as dark as his heart had become after what just happened. you finally set a wedding date. it was a day suga dreaded for god knows how long. he always went back and forth wondering whether the day would actually come, but now that’s it’s here, it was a nightmare turned brutal reality.

“something wrong?” ukai asked suga.

“i just…” he paused, tempted to speak up about how he felt, but kept it to himself. “mmm, nope. it’s stupid.”

“i’m the master of stupid things. you can tell me.” ukai said.

it was just the two of them. for some reason, suga felt like he could actually confide in his boss right now. maybe telling him what was wrong wouldn’t be such a bad idea. “i just… i didn’t think they’d ever actually plan to get married.”

“who? y/n and ryo?” ukai questioned. “what, do you like her or something?”

the look on suga’s face said it all. it showed a man who was desperately in love with a woman that simply wasn’t his. it was all so clear now.

“oh my god, you like y/n.” he said, followed by a faint gasp.

suga let out a sigh. he didn’t need to say a thing, ukai just knew. it was a shock he never figured it out before, really. everyone else seemed to find out easily once suga started to slip up in his facade.

“i can’t believe i never noticed before!” ukai exclaimed. “you two are always smiling and giggling with each other, how could i be so blind? holy cow.”

“tsukishima figured it out at the christmas party.” suga said with a frown. “it’s only a matter of time before she figures it out too.”

“and is that so bad?” ukai asked. it seemed like such a simple yes or no question, but the only way suga knew how to answer it was by pouring his heart out, spewing all the things he kept shoved down his throat for the longest time. it was always bound to come up one way or another.

“ukai, it’s not that i just like her… i love her. i’m in love with everything about her. i adore her. she’s sweet, funny, and she just has this aura… i can’t describe it.” he spoke from the heart, the only way he knew how when it came to you. “she’s beautiful inside and out. i would do anything to give her the world. i worship the rain that waters the grass that grows on the ground she walks on. my heart beats louder for her than it ever has for anyone else, and…”

“and… what?” ukai questioned.

“i don’t want her to marry him. i want her to be with me.” suga cried out, covering his face with his hands out of embarrassment. how could he say something so selfish out loud? the thought felt safer in his head, but even so, he would have burst if he kept it in any longer. “god, it’s so fucking stupid. i’m such an idiot.”

suga had been suffering in silence for too long, and ukai could clearly see that. it pained him to see one of his best employees in this state of despair. “suga, if that’s how you truly feel… then don’t give up. tell her how you feel.”

“she’s engaged, ukai. i can’t.” suga shook his head no. such a prosperous thing to suggest now. it was easy to think he could reveal his feelings when he knew there wasn’t a wedding date in sight, but wouldn’t it be so silly now to beg you to cancel the wedding? he felt like a tall child with all these thoughts eating him up.

“so? engaged ain’t married.” ukai shrugged. “besides, you’re way better than ryo.”

it was weird to have ukai on his side. was he not just celebrating with you? maybe suga’s heartfelt speech gave him a change of heart, or maybe he always saw something there without truly realizing what that something was. maybe ukai always knew you deserved better than a lowlife like ryo.

“why are you saying this?” suga questioned ukai. “i thought you’d be excited about the world’s longest engagement finally reaching its end.”

“i don’t know. i just… when i look at her with ryo versus with you, i think there’s a clear winner. you two have something special, and i wouldn’t give up hope, suga.” he replied. “maybe one day you should just… take a chance and see what she says. you never know what’s going on in that mind of hers.”

“you think so?” suga asked.

ukai nodded without hesitation. “never, ever give up.”

overcome with emotion, suga suddenly decided to wrap his arms around ukai. what’s crazy was that it didn’t even feel weird. ukai may be the most insane boss ever, but no matter what, he always had his way of showing he had his employees backs. when suga needed him most, ukai was right there, telling him words he didn’t know he needed to hear, and turned out to be what he needed the most.

“okay.” suga sniffled into ukai’s shoulder, holding him tighter than before. “i won’t.”

ukai really didn’t want to ruin such a heartfelt moment, but he felt like the life was being sucked out of him. “suga, you… you’re suffocating me.”

“oh.” suga quickly let go of him. “sorry.”

“it’s okay, but don’t forget what i told you.” ukai said, gently poking where suga’s heart was. “that’s an order from your boss.”

suga thought that tonight was the end of the world, but it turned out that he still had reason to have hope. maybe ukai was just feeding his delusions, but it sure felt nice knowing someone had his back and believed in him, that his feelings weren’t foolish. besides, a lot can happen between now and june, right?

© plutoccult / 310802. please do not copy, repost, modify, or translate any of my content in or outside of tumblr. reblogs are appreciated <3

[aleeyenn]

SHAKING YOU hi more Bedtime Story(Pillowbook) headcanons please you can't just go in tags and say the BEST Pillow headcanons EVER then go "that's enough headcanon rambling" WRONG!!! LOUD INCORRECT BUZZER. ITS NEVER ENOUGH HEADCANON RAMBLING

OMG THANK YOU FOR YOUR CURIOSITY!!! i don’t have many headcanons off the top of my head since they usually come up during convos about them with my friends But! i am currently writing a pillowbook fanfic and it has mentions of some sweet headcanons/scenarios in there!!! here is your teaser:

- when pillow and book clean up after a g&d or yoyle chess session, pillow brushes her hand against books and book gets a bit flustered and apologizes each time, but pillow reassures her saying that it’s okay and that she did it on purpose

- pillow asks book to read her her favorite stories so she can know more about her interests and what she likes. as she does this, pillow kinda like cuddles up to her and book messes up her words because of the closeness (she is soooo touch starved) and pillow thinks it’s amusing but she doesn’t say anything

THATS KINDA ALL I CAN GIVE YOU FROM MY FIC … it’s at 7.4k words right now (it’s my first actual written piece OMG!) and i find that i’m a slow writer and i can only write when i get bursts of motivation so it’s taking a while BUT THE TENSION IS BUILDING! it’s definitely a romcom and i’ll announce when it’s out! (i’ll probs publish it on ao3 btw)

aside from stuff from the fanfiction i’m writing i think i can pull a few extras out of my sleeve

- pillow would look into books history to learn about her more and she would find that she received a little gold star her cover in bfdia 10. she would put a gold star on book when she thinks she’s doing good at something as encouragement for her to keep it up and book would be motivated by this

- book knows oragami. after she finds out that pillow is doing things for good luck she shows pillow how to make paper cranes and she tells her if she makes 1000 paper cranes it’ll give her good luck… and so she does! in a single day somehow… and gives them to book to wish Her good luck

- pillow generally picks up on every little detail about books mannerisms … but that’s a given when you’re talking about pillow LOL

- naily and price tag are like. the number one pillowbook fans HEELPPP LIKE THEY SET THEM UP AND STUFF and read into them together… they’re their instigators brah. they’re their wingmen. this headcanon came from the pillowbook fic “who cares?” on quotev PLEAASEEE IF YOU ARE A PILLOWBOOK FAN READ IT ITS THE BEST FANFICTION IVE EVER READ IN MY LIFE I AM NOT KIDDING i would go on more but i’ll go on forever… i love it so much Please read it(and author of it, if you are reading this HIIIII YOURE THE BEST)

IM SURE THERE ARE A LOT MORE BUT ITS REALLY LATE AND I HAVE TO GO TO BED SO I CANT THINK HARD ANYMORE… THANK YOU FOR READING AND YOUR INTEREST IN MY HEADCANONS! IT MAKES ME SO HAPPYYY

[strang3lov3]

Rules:

Trump supporters fuck off. I see enough of you assholes IRL and I don’t need you on my blog too.

MDNI. Please have your age on your blog or some indication that you’re an adult if you’re gonna interact with this blog. Go on git.

If you’re going to send an anon (which I welcome) please please please take an emoji! My pinned post shows all of the taken emojis. When you use an emoji identifier, it creates familiarity and makes me feel like there’s friendly faces in my inbox. I like building relationships with my readers!

Hateful anons will be blocked and ignored. Will this stop anyone from sending a mean anon? No, and I know that. But you're wasting your breath. Whatever bullshit-ass hateful-ass message/insult you've thought up and decided to hurl over anon (a gutless move, btw) I've already heard before. It's not gonna stop me from writing how/what I write.

Please remember that I am human. A person. I’m not a machine, and I can’t pump out my writing at machine-pace. Remember that I’m human when you comment, reblog, message me, or hop in my inbox. Just be kind and supportive and horny, and don’t be mean to me or other writers.

I don’t have an upload schedule. I write whatever I feel the most momentum for and then I post. I try to put out a fic at least every week or so.

I’m open to pretty much all kinky requests, but my hard no’s are shit, underage, animals, and gore.

Please keep things chill. If my blog isn’t for you, quietly move on. This blog is sex and kink positive - everything is on the table here, including noncon and all other taboo kinks/pairings. I don’t believe in policing what kind of fiction/media people consume. Read this.

I block any and all negative discourse, bullying, kink shaming, slut shaming, fat shaming, hate, and general shittiness that I see. That can include the OP of a crappy post as well as those that have liked/rb’d it.

Support your favorite writers! Reblog fics you love, send asks, comment on your favorite works.

Frequently Asked Questions:

Do you take requests? - Depends! I’m more inclined to take requests from regular readers. If you read my work, you know what I like to write - age gap, power dynamics, dubcon, taboo kinks, masturbation, funny fics, etc. A request that falls in line with that stuff is more likely to be written.

What fics do you read? - check out my #strang3lov3 recs and #turbo rec tags!

When will ___ fic be written? - No clue. I write for whatever motivates me at any given moment.

Can you write a part two? - I’ll make it clear if a fic is part of a series but generally no, my one shots will not have follow ups.

On commenting in general…

Leave positive, thoughtful comments. Make it horny! Make it tmi! Tell me how you feel! These sort of comments mean the world to me 🩷 it’s really special when I work hard on something and my readers discuss that work with me by telling me the impact it had on them.

I am so grateful for interest in my work and I appreciate the enthusiasm. Nothing makes my day more than an unhinged, feral, drooling and frothing at the mouth comment/ask/reblog. That being said, I find it sort of…idk. Disrespectful-ish? when “where’s part two” “I need a part two” “I need the next part NOW” and other comments are left on my fics in that rather demanding or unappreciative tone, especially when coming from commenters who don’t usually interact with me otherwise. I know this is usually well-intentioned, but it makes me feel bad. I work really hard on each and every piece of work I put out - from outlining, to writing, to editing, making moodboards - there is so much care that goes into it. And when the only thing said about my fic is “give me more” it makes me feel, idk. Like I’m not enough or my writing wasn’t enough.

You don’t need to tell me (or any writer) how much you hated their fic/their characterization of X character/a choice they made in their writing. You don’t need to offer criticism. Sharing personal writing is an incredibly vulnerable thing to do, and it’s completely rude and unnecessary to poke holes in someone’s work. Don’t do it.

What writing advice do you have? - Not much in general lol. The same thing others will tell you. READ!!! Read fics, find out what you like and what you don’t like and apply what you’ve learned to your own writing. Think about the five senses when adding detail. Think about it like a movie scene. Idk. Just write and have fun.

What will happen in ___ fic? - I can’t tell you, but I’m happy you’re excited! Before writing, I outline my fics, one shots and series both, but a lot of times my ideas change.

Why am I blocked? - I block for policing or judging what I or others post, kink shaming, being hateful, etc. It doesn’t matter how it’s posted - whether it’s a comment left on my post or another blog’s, a post with a bad take, someone being hateful in an inbox, mine or another’s: you’re blocked. And also, depending on the post, I may block people positively interacting with it in the likes and comments. I don’t want anything to do with behavior like this. Fiction is not real life.

Long story short, if you rub me wrong, you’re blocked. I pride myself on being patient and understanding - if you want to have a good faith conversation with me about something, I’m totally open to it. But I know the difference between someone seeking to understand and someone looking for a fight - I’m not engaging with a fight.

Why do you post pics of black cats at the bottom of your fics? - Those are my babies and I wanna share them with you! You can’t always tell unless they’re together in the same pic but yes, there’s two. I talk a lot about them. If you look at the tags #gizmo , #jojo , and #gizmo and jojo you can learn all about the little guys.

How do you tell your cats apart? - it’s not always evident in photos but they are totally different sizes. Gizmo is chunky and big, Jojo is scrawny. Behavior wise, they act completely different from each other. Jojo is very timid, gentle, and patient, but Gizmo is kind of a disaster of a cat. Very clumsy, very noisy.

[rottenbrainstuff]

Haha ok I am convinced. It takes a LOT to motivate me to watch a new show, but I am so convinced by what I've seen of IWTV that I am going to give it a try tonight. I even have one single glass of red wine left for it!

The thing is: I am extremely ambivalent about this whole... what.. franchise? Series? Little coven of crying gay babies?

I was a big giant fan of the vampire chronicles in the 90s and 2000s. I really do legit love the characters that were created: I love their damage, I love how articulate Anne Rice was about describing their issues, how vampirism has fucked up each and every one of them. I loved how sensual the books were, the beautiful descriptions of everything. I found it so interesting how everything could be so sexy when it very specifically contained no sex. I loved her vampire lore, I loved her take on traditional vampires. I know sensual romantic vampires are a bit of an eye-roll these days but I feel like back in the 90s it actually was something a bit more fresh.

Interview especially had some really amazing ideas in it. I remember really loving that book.

Lestat was an interesting book but tbh she lost me a bit with some of the lore. It really put a lot of Interview into perspective though. (is Lestat's mom in this show??? She seems like a bad bitch I'd like to see pop in)

I read about half of Armand and oddly couldn't make myself finish it, or read any more of the chronicles. I actually don't even remember what happened in that book anymore.

(I had a copy of Queen of the Damned but I can’t remember if I read it or not. If I did, I don’t remember anything from the plot)

As much as I remember enjoying reading Interview, I found it increasingly hard to reconcile my enjoyment of the books with my knowledge of what a nasty person Anne Rice was, and the extremely shitty things she did in (or I guess TO) the fandom. As the books went on I found the writing style less interesting and more irritating and pretentious. I gave an attempt to start that witch coven series and was surprised by how I couldn't get into it. I tried reading her Sleeping Beauty series and got viscerally disgusted. (disgust aside, it was a shock how poorly written I thought it was) Again, her reactions to the fandom for that were bemusing as well. Her weird and personal obsession with her own characters is extremely reminiscent to me of Stephanie Meyer if she was goth instead of mormon, and it makes it difficult for me to take it all seriously sometimes.

So........ I'm in this position where I think I do genuinely like the characters and the ideas, but I intensely dislike Anne Rice and view her as generally overrated as an author, and that soured the whole series for me. But I've been seeing all these clips online and I dunno. I like what I see. It feels the characters I like were pulled out of her weird mean hands and dusted off. I like that absolutely no clips I've seen really match anything that I remember reading in the books. I like that it looks actually, unambiguously gay. I like that in almost every single clip I've seen, all the characters ever seem to be doing is screaming at each other for stupid shit. I like that it looks ridiculous and deranged. I dunno. I kinda have high hopes that with this show, I'll be able to learn how to like these characters again.

(I'm being smacked in the face btw with my age once again - so many of you mention that you never watched the old (not very good) Tom Cruise movie. If you were a teenager in the 90s I think it was impossible to have avoided it. Or is it just that my friend group was particularly strange?)

I'll pop my thoughts in here but I'll tag appropriately, so if you don't want that nonsense, you don't have to see it.

[incalculablepower]

some fics i've liked lately

it's been a weird year. when i made this list of recs back in january i fully intended it to become a monthly thing, but life happened and then i guess it just kept happening. in early 2023 things were ramping up in my new career, i was practicing and playing a lot with my band to prepare for our first show, i was settling into dealing with depression and anxiety with medication, i was getting over a miserable breakup. then i fell in love. i lost my job (the best and most favourite job i've ever had) abruptly this past may. this is my longest period of unemployment since i was a teenager and while you think it would be the best time to lose yourself in fandom, i felt the opposite. fandom was such a lifeline to me when i had a miserable job and was in a bad relationship and needed an escape but i was very present in my own life this summer. i took my partner to visit my family and spent a lot of time with friends and played shows (and recorded some music... shameless self promo once again) and in between i watched so much star trek on my couch. this is such a long preamble to explain why i haven't been fandoming as much lately and why idk if i'll write anything again anytime soon (let's say, once i have a job i want to procrastinate at) but -- i HAVE been reading fic! not as much as before, but i have been, and there's enough for a fic rest list so that's what i'm giving you today. when times are dire [podfic] - @aibidil

drarry. i have such a soft spot for middle aged draco and harry falling in love, the relationships they have with their friends and their grown children. @aibidil reads her own podfics and it's an utter delight. i usually only listen to podfics or audiobooks when i'm doing work around the house but i can going on walks with my headphones just so i could listen to more of this one.

purple haze by @ashesandhackles

romione. i was so so honoured to see this pop up in my ao3 gifts during @thethreebroomsticksfic pride fest this year. it turns the well tread romione ground of shell cottage and the yule ball over a bit, using them as settings to explore a confusing mix of jealousy and sexuality for ron and hermione. ashes knows i love mess with these and it captures that teenage chaos wonderfully, then lets them laugh at it as secure and settled adults.

crookshanks by @ala-baguette

gen. warning that this is a tearjerker, especially if you've ever loved and lost a pet. i think the pure and simple expressions of love and gratitude from crook's pov here would be a comfort to any pet owner.

at some point this year, i got REALLY into the idea of a one-sided dramione. it's hard to look for, especially since it's such a popular ship but i managed to find a few that scratched the itch until i find the time and/or motivation to write one of my own new years eve by 2daughtersofathena, the guardian angel by mylifebelongstothebbc, and a boy of hans by elixirsoflife. the last one being my personal favourite, a grim take on the hanahaki disease trope.

every mother is a grave by witchofimber

this was recced by @whinlatter in @thethreebroomsticksfic discord (btw i feel like no one on my followers lists needs anyone to remind them to read beasts -- but please read beasts) and when i saw "gillian flynn treatment" in the tags i slammed the mark for later button. this is probably the most balanced and realistic portrayals of molly weasley and her role as a mother that i've ever read in hp fic. it's not weasley family fluff but it doesn't devolve into something so flat as bashing either. molly is regular mother with flaws and strengths like anyone else and how they amplify and shift with love and grief and pain and stress and duty and pressure. every single relationship she has with her children is uniquely expressed and the way it ties the past to the direct aftermath of the war is so well done and a great way to organize this giant, messy family. particular care here went into fred and george, giving them their own identities in a way that can be difficult, given the source material. a favourite line:

“Probably have tried to make us name the twins after them.” He stopped laughing, sucked in a breath. “Do you want to?”  For a second she considered it. It would be wonderful, getting to use those names again like living things. But -  “No,” she said. “I - if they were alive, I’d have said no, so I’m saying it now. Let the boys be their own people.”  The truth was that she didn’t want to lose her brothers. To have their faces erased in her memory, painted over with her sons. To have to say no, not THAT Fab, I mean UNCLE Fab - he died before you were born. Anyway, she liked the names Fred and George. It was easier like this. 

the scrunchie by @saintsenara

another fic i've meant to read for ages and finally got around to just yesterday. the background drama of these side characters as a cheap scrunchie from boots floats around them is so perfectly teenage. reminds me of the other series i loved as a teenager around the time HP was coming out: georgia nicolson and gossip girl. i could also compare it to derry girls a little, how despite the environment surrounding them these girls are still being girls, arguing about stupid things and getting crushes on boys and having the absolute most ridiculous blowout fights with your sister (parvati and padma's portrayal here is probably my favourite i've ever read!)

i also can't leave without reccing @saintsenara's wip, one year in every ten. i can't get enough of a good case fic. tomarry/harrymort (both versions of this ship, oddly, apply to this fic) is not something i've ever sought out but i really think the way it's handled here could win over any non-believer. it's sharp and funny in a way that makes it turns into poignancy hit even harder. i screenshotted two full phone screen pages of chapter 27 so i could go back and read them over and over. it might be one of the best things i've ever read from ron's POV (emphasis mine):

It had been a long ten years, with a chair at their table always left empty and a hole in their hearts always unfilled. Grief was exhausting and boring and dully painful, like a slightly sprained ankle which you can still walk on, but which always bothers you a little bit.  But there had been love among the grief. There had been love before the grief - indeed love had caused the grief - and there had been love after. His love for his parents and his siblings had changed, the way wine left in a barrel changes and becomes richer and deeper. There was more sorrow in the love, as he threw a quaffle around with George and saw the tired lines at the corner of his eyes. There was more recrimination, more struggle with the mistakes they had all made in the past, as he finally sat down and had a real chat with mum and dad about how a lifetime of corned-beef sandwiches and maroon jumpers had made him feel. But there was more joy there too. And with joy came forgiveness and understanding and hope and fun.

image used is wildflowers (1915) by tom thomson

[stoopid-turtle]

hello... 😅 uhm, first of all, i truly am sorry in advance for being awkward 😭 but for once i decided not to let my awkwardness keep me from sharing (what i think/hope are) positive thoughts with a stranger on the internet, so here i am.

i'm not around much and legit only made this acc bc like you i'm a late bloomer here and needed as many outlets for my yizhan/wangxian obsession as i could get my greedy hands on, in the big year of 2023... sigh. anyway, as an avid lover of meta/analysis posts since my early fandom days began around 15 (oof 🥲) years ago, finding your acc was such a lovely surprise. i agree with your views a LOT, and really appreciate how eloquent and well-written your posts are! even more so bc there's a lot i still don't know and most of the time the source material is very hard to reach and/or understand due to the language barrier, so having other turtles to rely on to access those, even if filtered by their own biases/opinions, is wonderful. besides, such input coming from a new fan is also comforting and imo refreshing, juxtaposed with that of older fans... it keeps the fandom alive and all that jazz. it's also very brave given how ruthless some folks can be on the internet, and on this corner in particular 😮‍💨 it just felt like reading my own thoughts written by someone else sometimes. i gasped and nodded at your posts soooo many times djskdjdj thank you for that!

(btw you followed me back the other day and i legit fangirled irl bc ??? whatttttt 😅 i still think it was an accident but okay omg djskdjdj AHEM. sorry)

then today i logged in and read your recent posts feeling squeamish about sharing more thoughts and as much as i 100% relate to you saying that kind of attention makes you anxious, i just... idk, i had to let you know i enjoy everything you post, even though adult life has kept me from being able to read it all so far. i understand you stepping back and i respect that decision, i'm not by any means asking you to go against what you know is best for you. at the same time, i can't help but hope you'll still show up every now and then bc your posts will be missed 🥲 i guess the whole motivation behind this is that it just made me sad to think your valuable insights will be something i'm yet again late to, if that makes sense?

djskdjdj again, i'm so sorry for being awkward and weird and dropping all of this on your inbox unprovoked. you don't have to reply (or read this AT ALL omg 😭😭), in fact i'm so embarrassed by this that you'd probably have to reach me through inquiry lmaooo 💀 anyway, have a great life, thank you so much for the great job, bjyxszd etc ❤️💚💛

Oh, don't be anxious! I'm really not a big deal.

Thank you for dropping into my inbox! I love hearing from other turtles, especially relative newbies, like myself! One of my fav parts of coming out of lurking mode is getting to talk to other people. I kinda follow back anybody who follows me, cause it seems polite? I don't know tumblr etiquette. I just follow the tags when I get the chance.

I appreciate the encouragement! I try to avoid dramatics, so I'm sorry for the upset last week. The situation is largely resolved, and I am feeling more okay. I kinda backed off because I wasn't sure of my footing here in fandom as compared to others, especially as I do think I have some takes that fall outside fandom consensus. Again, I don't mean to rock any boats and I'm not invested in convincing anybody that they should have the same opinions as I do. Hearing from turtles who do want me to continue posting gave me some more confidence there.

So, yeah, I expect I'll post some more as I have time. I'd like to post more on dd (cause he's my fav). I'd also like to try to figure out gg cause that dude is so confusing to me. I do have RL stuff going on, and I don't have the time to be super-active outside of occasional posts. But I'd like keep posting stuff. At least until I get all my Yizhan thoughts out.

[potofstewie]

Stew's Fic Recs 

Home to all the fics that I highly recommend, short, long or chaptered. 

Yellow by @eiflawriting (Nanami x Black Reader, chaptered)

Stew's Thoughts: When it comes to chaptered romance, I usually have a hard time sitting through it but this fic grabbed me by the throat and sat my ass down. And I sat. I'm actually not in the jjk world like that (i stopped at chapter 20 for like two years now and haven't touched it since lmao) but you know a fic is absolutely amazing if it can bring you in with you not even knowing much about it's canon source material. I highly recommend this and I'll forever give Alfie her flowers for this because this was beautifully written.

Reverb by @chrollohearttags (Eren x Black Reader, chaptered)

Stew's Thoughts: This is another chaptered romance that grabbed me by my throat and I paid attention to its order. This is ongoing as I write this and I honestly enjoy every chapter and can't wait for future chapters because I know Cherry will go above and beyond every time. I'm a sucker for the exploration of characters that aren't the reader and their thoughts/motives on the things around them. Cherry's way of conveying that is inspiring to me. If you're one for music, and its industry then this is the on for you.

Rogue by @redcoaster (AOT, chaptered)

Stew's Thoughts: Oh my god where do I begin with this one. This fic has been by my side since Middle School and it is monumental and so important to me. (lmao if you look thru the comments you can find one that i left) This fic is actually what sparked my love for non self ship fic as well as influenced the way I write. I highly HIGHLY recommend this to anyone who wants a very immersive experience. This story is based on the idea of Eren never existing; only his titan. This is an ongoing fic btw! The author has also created fanart to accompany the fic and I totally suggest for you guys to check it out on her page!

Requiem of a Redemption by @mangalover4321 (KNY, chaptered)

Stew's Thoughts: Okay so, I just started reading this (I'm on chapter 13 as I write this dont spoil me yall) and when I say that this had me sucked in IMMEDIATELY???? Some of you may already know that I'm an absolute sucker for all things Shinjuro (horny and otherwise, he's an interesting fellow) and angst so when I come across a fic that has that and I get to witness him suffer and try to reconcile with his sons? Oh, I'm gonna swallow it whole. All jokes aside, this fic is really amazing and I truly enjoy reading how another person writes Shinjuro and how his mind works.

Mistake and Jealous by @comatosebunny09 (Rengoku x Reader, imagines)

Stew's Thoughts: These two are honestly in my top ten Kyojuro Rengoku fics and I love how Bunny easily pulls me in. The tender moment in Mistake is to absolute gush and die for while the heartfelt moment of saving in Jealous is enough to make one's heart skip a beat. I truly enjoy these works by bunny and I wish I could read them again like it was my first time.

If you wish to see any other fics I recommend, no matter the length, style or content, then check out my stew's recs🍲 tag below!