#btw Ellie - You can put it at the end of the chapter

[melatonindepicts]

So this has been living rent free in my head for awhile..

I colored the TSBU fanart I did, and yes, that's a space firefly on his nasal ridge.

The Stars Beneath Us is by @its-ellihere (P.S I was so happy to see my art at the end of the chapter <3)

Error is by @loverofpiggies

Outertale AU is by 2mi127

[iateyourparents]

i want to write you a song | c.b.

pairing: colby brock x musician!fem!reader

summary: you were an artist. when you were heartbroken you didn’t just cry alone in bed. you’re just making something out of your emotions.

warnings: kinda angsty, break up, use of y/n, bad writing and grammar(i’m sorry, english isn’t my first language)

an: inspired by ‘I want to write you a song’ by One Direction. (btw guys i’m slowly running out of ideas so if you have something you would like to read you can request it/write to me or in comments <3)

pictures are from pinterest:)

You wanted to lie in bed all day. You really wanted to. But you weren’t this type of person, you couldn’t just lie all day while not doing anything but crying. It would just make you more frustrated.

So instead you just decided to pour your emotions on a paper and write a song.

You really wanted to make some energetic song where you would just badmouth your ex but you still loved him too much to do that, so instead you wrote a goodbye song for him. And it was really good.

“I want to write you a song, one as beautiful as you are sweet” you hummed to yourself trying to make a melody that would be perfect with your song.

“Already sounds great sweetie.” your manager, Ellie, said coming into your studio room. You deeply regreted giving her keys to your apartment. “What got you writing something like that? It doesn’t sound like love songs you made about Colby.”

“It’s a goodbye song for Colby. I actually wanted to call him an asshole and viagra taker but I just couldn’t make myself do that so I decided to do this. And I actually feel pretty good after writing this.” you shrugged and put your gituar in its place.

“Oh honey, what happend?” she sounded concerned.

“Colby broke up with me because he ‘didn’t felt as he should feel’ he just…wasn’t in love anymore.” you felt tears pricking at your eyes. Ellie gasped and hugged you tightly. “Don’t feel too bad, that song is amazing.” you laughed even though tears were already streaming from your eyes.

|||

“Okay guys, so I have this new song and you’ll be the first ones to ever hear it before it comes out today at midnight.” you told the crowd which started screaming with excitement. “That’s actually a form of a goodbye to someone who was, still is, important to me and even if we won’t ever talk again I want him to know I wish him the best.”

Well, maybe that wasn’t the best way to announce your break up to the world but whatever. It’s not like twitter and tik tok detectives weren’t starting to notice little things.

Music started playing right when you started playing your gituar and crowd got silent to listen better to new song.

“I want to write you a song, one as beautiful as you are sweet…” you continued singing and people started to get what you meant, and who you meant, in your little speech and well, you never heard a silence quite this loud.

“I want to write you a song. One to make your heart remember me, so anytime I’m gone you can listen to my voice and sing along. I want to write you a song.” you ended the song with tears in your eyes. Singing it out loud in front of thousands of people made you realize how real that situation was. You were no longer with Colby. And it still hurts.

You could see that some people in the crowd had shock on their faces and tears in their eyes. It was the first time ever it was so silent after you ended a song. And it felt weird but also so right.

It was like a minute of silence for you and Colby and for your relationship. For your memories.

You and Colby were popular couple. Many people said you’re the perfect example of right person in right time, so you knew these news would be heartbreaking for some of your fans.

“I know it’s probably a lot to take in just a moment but it actually felt good singing this out loud. Yeah, some chapters in life ends but that doesn’t mean there’s nothing waiting for us. New chapter is just a new chance and I’m gonna use it as best as I can.” you did a little speech and your fans finally recovered from the news you dropped at them and applaused for you. “I love you guys, I wouldn’t be here without you. I’m so fucking grateful for y‘all. See you soon!” as you were coming off the stage you could hear squeaks, shouting and clapping and it made you smile. You made it. And you will make it through this negative feelings. And you will be fine again.

|||

You were in a bar. It was your friend’s birthday party and as much as you liked her, this party sucked. Everybody was so sober and awkward that it made you want to leave.

“Oh hi.” you heard next to you. When you turned you saw Colby.

“Hi” you smiled to him. He looked really good. His black button up was revealing part of his chest and his beautiful blue eyes were shining in dim light “How are you?”

You tried to be civil with him. You were almost used to thought that you are no longer together. It still hurt, especially with world still talking about it since you announced it just few days ago even though you were broken up for few months.

“Good, thanks. And you?”

“Fine.” you smiled awkwardly. You stood in kind of awkward silence and just from looking at him you knew he wanted to tell you something but wasn’t sure how. “Just say it.”

“I like the song you wrote.” he finally choked out and you felt your heart squeezing. You didn’t expect him to start this topic but you just gulped and faked a giggle.

“Thank you.” when you wanted to say something else he stopped you with his words.

“I know I hurt you. I regret it like nothing else in my life but you deserve better. I just didn’t feel like I loved you enough. Not as much as you deserve to be loved. So I didn’t want to hurt you even more with pretending. But maybe…” he quickly shuted up and then changed his words, or rather tried to avoid saying what he started saying. “So I thought that would be better. But I still love you and think that in some way, I always will. But I think it’s better if you find your perfect match instead of being stuck with me. And it might seem cruel for me to say this now but I just wanted you to know that it would be impossible for me to forget someone like you. You changed my life, y/n.”

You wanted to say something but before you realized it he was out of your eyesight so you just sighed and took a sip of vodka.

|||

It’s been a month and you couldn’t stop thinking about Colby’s words.

Did he meant what you thought he meant?

He still loved you but didn’t think it was enough? Didn’t think he was enough for you?

You had so many questions and it made you sleepless trying to think what you should do or what are answers to these questions.

So now here you were, at Colby’s door in the middle of the night, still in your pajamas, hoping he was home.

You inhaled an air into your lungs and started knocking. Maybe more aggressive than you should but you just were desperate for answers and you couldn’t give up.

Finally moments later, the doors opened revealing sleepy Colby who looked at you confused and then he suddenly were more awake looking at you with concern.

“Everything okay? What happened? Are you hurt or in danger?” he looked over you as if to look for any visible wounds.

“Yes, I mean no.” you sighed and started explaining. “Since Doris’ birthday I can’t stop thinking about your words and it’s fucking crazy. Like, what did you mean?”

Colby could see desperation and tiredness in your eyes and it make him feel bad because he was the reason of your distress.

“I…”

You interrupted him.

“I thought about it so much that i got to a conclusion that you still love me but don’t want to be with me because you’re too… scared of something, like hurting me or whatever. And it hurts so much anyway because I don’t think I can function without you anymore what is so funny to me because I literally wrote a song to get over you. But it didn’t work because I still fucking love you and want you back and I hope i’m right and you also still love me because I think it will break me for good if I’m wrong and you don’t love me anymore. And I might sound so pathetic right now but I don’t care becau…”

This time he was the one who interrupted you. But with the way he did that, you couldn’t be mad.

He kissed you to make you shut up.

You gladly reciprocated the kiss and after a moment he took his lips away just to place his forehead on yours.

“You’re right. I’m still in love with you. But I just felt like my love wasn’t enough, that you deserve so much better. Someone who will always be able to show you his love and share your passions with you and…” now you were the one shutting him up with your lips.

“Don’t say anything. You’re so stupid, Colbs. You’re the only one I want, even if you have your own hobbies. And you showed me your love in a way I loved. I want you, only you.”

Colby smiled at you and took your hands to lead you inside his home.

“I’m so glad you were brave enough to come here because I missed you so much but was afraid to confront you after Doris’ party.” you laughed softly at that and squeezed his hand.

Maybe now you will be back to writing love songs about this man.

[spro-o]

okay, so,,, i got back to reading 4kota, and i have so many thoughts of literally every nature

SPOILERS AHEAD FOR 4KOTA, NATURALLY!

okay so, allow me to rant a lil

bro why the actual fuck is Arthur just magical hitler now?? 😭 like hello???? it genuinely makes me really sad because he was such a sweet and likable character for most of 7ds and now he wants to create an ethnostate for humans only???? it just breaks my heart, man

SAME WITH JERICHO LIKE HELLO? QUEEN, YOURE BETTER THAN THIS. genuinely tho- nakaba try not to make all your characters pedos challenge (impossible). there are literally so many other ways in which Jericho could have ended up in a similar situation, but nakaba really just chose pedophilia? it couldve been something along the same lines just without the romantic attraction!! a family bond can be just as strong- and it couldve been something like her losing Lancelot or in some other way letting him down, and then thinking that he despises her and holds onto that grudge (which, judging his character it wouldve probably been a small spat that he got over) - but maybe Jericho didnt understand that, or wasnt ready to face him, expecting him to be livid - so she asked for an alternative reality where that didnt happen and they got along great as sister/brother or master/trainee. i wouldnt put Jericho past being so stubborn that she wouldnt believe when Lance would say that he forgave her, and then boom!! same set-up, just without the nasty pedophilia!!

ON THE NOTE OF WHICH- (theres so much of that garbage in nakaba's writing, fucks sake) - i genuinely hate the whole thing happening with Guinevere. the whole non-consensual kiss from a 12 year old to a 16 year old (ewwwww) is one thing, but then when Lance is reflecting on that interaction and he SMILES????

you have no idea how much this panel killed me to see. Lancelot youre better than this,,,, 4 years is not a big age difference when youre in your 30's, but when youre 16???? please,,,, cmon now,,,

speaking of whommmmm~~ ,,, I ADORE LANCELOT!! SO MUCH!! this is to be expected considering i love Ban, bUT- hes genuinely just such a cool and wonderful character that has some sense in him. i especially loved those panels where he was like jumping around to get himself hyped up cuz like!! Ban does that!!!! i love,,,,

elizabeth (looking gorge btw, i love that for her) is unfortunately reduced to an object of fondling yet again 😔 literally like the second panel that shes in and shes getting grabbed and groped by Meliodas?? it just feels mad disrespectful to her really deep character that she has such a minor role when you ignore her being sexualised by Mel (in reality nakaba, but i digest)

i love that panel where Anne tells Isolde about what chastity actually is hbghjnhbjh

I FEEL SO BAD FOR NASIENS WHEN PERCY IS ALL UP IN ANNES BOOBS. genuinely- the dropped bag, and all of he blushing that happened before it during their interactions,,,, that shit broke my heart, man

nakaba try not to draw teenagers naked challenge (impossible) (chapter 86 cover)

this is literally like the cutest fucking thing ever????? i want more calm, slice of life stuff for our skrunglies. they deserve a break

someone, please, stop all this shit going on with Guinevere (writing this while reading chp 87) – I really despise the fact that nakaba has to make like literally all of the relationships either look like they have a massive age gap (Ban and Elaine), or actually have a fucking criminal age gap (Mel and Ellie). it really is not that difficult to just write a relationship where there is a <2 year age gap, did you know that, nakaba?? crazy, I know (deadass, while I don’t ship them, it would at least be bearable if she was also like 15-16, just not 12 TT)

chion is such a fucking pain in the ass oh mah gahhhhhh

I love Gawain’s lesbian antics <3

At this point, though I love seeing the characters interact in more casua circumstances, id rather have more fight scenes than god awful, shoe-horned romances between any two characters of the opposite gender (exceptions being Nasiens and Gawain, my sillies <3)

okay,,, thats it for now, but do expect more at some point or another huiyuvghbijhb

[heroes-fading]

omg HI i just wanted to say that i absolutely love your tlou fics!!! SPECIALLY your music au it's just so so good i love you characters that can form the same relationships in spite of the circumstances and godd you reallu make that work for joel and ellie in that au. they really feel so so in character whilst also being softer? if that makes sense.

also i just wanted to share that i've been thinking all morning about ellie and joel potentially recieving the same criticism that jack antonoff and taylor swift do ("why do you keep working with the same guy over and over??" type questions) because although i do think switching up producers is an important part of creative freedom i think ellie would rather eat her own leg than work with somebody else. also i think she would be so offended and confused like "yes of course i switch it up. sometimes i even let tommy play the drums in my songs". ALSO ellie deserves a happier than ever (the song)/ i know the end moment where she gets to yell her lungs out in the booth. (these aren't like. requests btw i'm not demanding you write these obs obs. but if you wanted to i wouldn't be opposed. i just haven't been able to stop thinking about this it's an honestly amazing idea for us, the swifties tlou stans and thank u so much for writing it. sending much love your way!!! 💗💗💗💗)

HELLO I LOVE THESE

something i've been thinking about is making some bonus ish content and putting it like, here on tumblr or something with articles and tweets and other worldbuilding shit (i.e. memes) for inordinary and that universe. i've also toyed with the idea of one chapter being a really long interview (i think of music journalism pieces like this and this - some of my absolute favorites, amanda does such a good job). i'm not sure what shape that'll take quite yet, but it's been in my head! and i think it'd a cool to get an outsider pov in this bad boy.

i know the end is definitely on ellie's first album. FOR SURE. because i said so - i think of those playlists or versions of them being a crossover of album songs and other musical ideas that hang around. sometimes the details get changed (for ex 14 vs 19 in WCS) but in my head they go together!

i love nothing more than people thinking about this stuff and making this world bigger, this universe is like the lil musical engine that could and it brings me so much joy! the swifie/tlou community is SMALL BUT MIGHTY but also is it that small i'm unsure

[pikawarrior]

Welp welcome back to my random rambles im just gonna talk bout alot of random stuff mainly my stories so here for go lets hope this is understandable

Story/maybe comic stuff

Turning of the orange | The Strawberry Patch - Old soon to be remade/written stop motion strawberry shortcake zombie movie me and my dad were making when i was in elementary schoolish. We unfortunately didnt make it that far since he had to leave often and for long times cuz work, but recently i found my old tablet with all the pics and my notes so rework time baby. Im about to use all my years of angst/horror writing to fuck these bitches up even more

The Butterfly Effect and It's Consequences | The Phoenix Effect -

The Butterfly Effect is my main rottmnt fanfic series. About my little rottmnt oc's (Ame) life and how the gang adopting them into the family changed everything mostly for the better but the bad things kinda got alot worse. Idk been focusing on the phoenix effect more

The Phoenix Effect is kinda an extension of that. Its basically the same thing but adds the cass apocalypse series into it. Basically how future Ame being there also changes things and how oopies mystics powers are hard to control after being half dead in stasis for about 12 years hope Ame does trys to leave to protect everyone from himself only to get kidnapped putting everyone in worse danger also oopies isnt that the super dangerous alien someone accidentally freed awhile ago

The Future Diary - So i watched The Hot Box's video on the anime future diary and well here we are

Another rottmnt oc thing. Ame obtains a diary from his future self being like "hey so the world is gonna end soon here's how i think you could possibly stop that. Pls dont do this all alone ur like 5" and ame decides to do it all by himself.

Got all eight chapters planned out already with two already at stage two (aka fully written out just needs to be edited and stuff). I just dont know how to use ao3 in this sense or how to tag stuff plus i got anxiety so its just sitting in my notes app

Video stuff cuz yes

Currently working on a few more special videos. On my channel ive technically reached 100 videos (i unlisted alot of old ones/never posted a bunch more so technically i reached that months ago but shhh let me have this) plus i got 135 subs now so celebrations are in order. Idk what to say bout this, am making a video using the ok ko ending song idk the name, one is a fake collab a friend made and another is an original meme a youtube mutual/friend by association made. Plus like so mant mini things for my ocs, Dimension and Watcher are gonna get so much development and cute couple moments.

Also everyone else is gonna go through so much trauma my gods its gonna amazing.

Also ive been trying to like voice things, audio quality sucks cuz im working off of my tablet but like ive voice a few of my own videos (only one posted) and like its so fun i wish i had proper stuff to do this so i can do it more

Other art stuff

I got a toyhou.se (its EnviousDeath), pls enjoy these characters and stuff

Im trying to make my art more mess and chaotic while staying clean? If that makes any sense. Still a lover of doing gacha stuff but am trying to branch out more.

Also btw how do people just idk do social stuff like trade characters, comment, and just aaaa idk what am doing i forgot how to do social stuff and also i never understood how to do this type without being awkward as hell

Character stuff

Watcher - *slaps religious trauma onto them* bitch gets sacrificed. Okay okay so Watcher, wasnt always Watcher. Before they used to be Ena a simple kid who was sent away for reasons i havent thought of yet to a church. Blah blah corruption, Watcher gets sacrificed for not falling in line blah blah they were saved and given a second chance.

Dimension - *slaps alot of anxiety and identity issues onto her* bitch got issues. Same as Watcher, Dimension wasnt always Dimension. Before she was Ellie a poor girl hated by her whole town because of the lies their mother spread about them and their father who had left years ago. She only had one friend, Watcher. Somehow they managed to make contact with each other despite being in different universes. Eventually Dimension snapped and went on a killing spree, slowly ripping apart her world in the process because this wasnt supposed to happen (think spiderverse canon events but different ill explain later) with her world crumbling around her, Dimension messages Ena one last time, not knowing Ena was already long gone, and accepts what they assume to be death only to fall into whats basically the anti void from utmv, gets corrupted and became a villain technically more of a multiversal criminal.

(For time and length reasons im cutting this segment short)

Multiverse stuff

OKAY TIME FOR WORLD BUILDING

How does what happened to Dimension's universe work? The way i explained it is like spiderverse canon events but different, but heres the details. Idk how to explain this but bare with me

Imagine each universe as a game in a folder on a computer. Each game has different code, story, art assets basically all are mostly different.

Most games are coded to have very specific story events and when something goes wrong everything breaks. Like take a spaghetti thing of code that shatters the moment you try to do something like trying to talk with an npc while having a status effect and thats how some of these worlds are like. And Dimension's was very much one of those worlds, and her breaking down like that shattered the code of their world and everything fell apart.

Im too tired to continue but my main multiverse is like one big computer own by a game creator who only sometimes knows how to make a stable game

Feel free to ask about any of what ive just ramblef about am always willing to ramble bout my stuff

[bluestar22x]

Not surprised.

I'm so going to hate most of season 2 and 3. Probably won't watch a lot of it outside Joel's scenes - just what I need to in order to write the fix-it fanfic I've been planning since Season 1 came out. LOL - It's just the way I'm built!

What I loved about the game I loved, but what I hated...oh...I REALLY hated. And really, I have learned to compromise over time (there's only one tiny detail I would desperately like to change and a few I would really like to change but can put up with) but this is going to make everything raw again.

I think it's safe to assume now that the show will follow the part 2 game very closely. They did tell us it would anyway, but denial runs deep. I was hoping for a little bit of extra stuff before Joel gets killed for shock value. Just me.

I do wonder if this is with all the flashbacks or only the young!Ellie flashbacks (the museum birthday scenes! - the only part I'm truly anxious to see).

It'd make sense for them to film all the flashbacks now so Pedro doesn't need to go back to film just a few scenes for Season 3 (unless there's budget concerns), but then that means there can't be much added flashbacks if there's anything extra at all.

I do expect a few extra scenes one way or another though, whether in "present day" or flashbacks because that's what Season 1 did, but 2 months of filming suggests otherwise, or that there won't be much (unless they do have Pedro back to film more flashbacks later).

I want to say I'm disappointed but I can't be cause I've known how TLOU part 2 goes down since May/June 2022.

My fix-it fic will just have to do.

BTW this fanfic I'm planning is a choose-your-ending adventure fic with a reader character (or Joel's wife/girlfriend if he gets one like he almost did in game and if I like her lol) and I'm looking forward to it more than anything besides Joel's flashbacks in Season 2 and maybe 3). It's going to be demanding to write 2 multi-chapter endings, it might not end up my best work (especially if I miss plot stuff while skipping most of Abby's scenes), but the reader will get to choose a happier ending or one more close to the game version (but still edited to satisfy my freakin' needs). That way it's still a win whether you go for the yay ending or the you-will-cry [again] ending.

oh.

[danineverwenttoazkaban]

Sweet Elite Appreciation Week - Super Late thoughts on LIs

@sweeteliteweek​ I am really sorry for the delay of this post, sometimes life eats you up and I had it semiwritten last tuesday :/. So I really wanted to post some thoughts on LIs, I like absolutely all of them btw.

From least likely to romance to my favorite here they are:

10. Tadashi

Oh boy, Tadashi, the Dashi, the Virgo, the business kid. I have so many mixed feelings about him since he is the least LI I would be interested in but it’s for a simple reason: him and I are so alike. I relate to him so much in the way he behaves, his obsession with being the best one, the perfectionism and the anxiety/stress that carries within, and even his dreams of making a name for himself away from his families reputation. But that’s also why I don’t like him, seeing the reflection of attitudes I hate of myself, or being bullied about his control freakiness. I do admire his confidence which is something I lack mostly and consider him one of the most complex LIs, his evolution is one of the highlights of the story so far.

9. Ellie

Ellie is a fun character, she also appears to be the glue of the group. I like how insightful she is, it’s also interesting how even if you’re not on her route she appears to be the one who notices Scholar the most since sometimes the other LIs are too busy with their own problems and dramas. Stil she is a complete mystery to me so far and her hyperactive personality can sometimes be too much for me.

8. Axel

Ok, Axel is very very hot, I’ll give you that, he’s also cool and has made me laugh a lot. But remember what I said about why I don’t like Tadashi in a romantic way? Well, as expected Axel would probably sometimes get on my nerves too. I appreciate how he is so much more than the usual ‘rebel’ boy on most teen stories.

7. Alistair

Alistair is a sweetheart. That’s about it, he is an attractive, charming lad and I really like him but he’s not as interesting to me as the other characters. 

6. Claire

From here on these are characters I could see as LIs. Claire it’s impossible to dislike for me, she is caring, sweet and amazingly smart. She also seems like such a complex character deep down and I am very looking forward for her arc which we’re all sure will be very emotional. I also want to see her being more confident about her talents.

5. Neha

Neha is amazing, her arc is so great and in my opinion given what she has dealt with she is the most grown-up of the group, heck maybe even more than a lot of people of my age. Her way of pushing herself forward and even standing up to Karolina during Faxion’s arc is one of my favorite things of the story so far. Neha deserves LOVE.

4. Raquel

Talk about a character that could sweep anyone off their feet. Raquel is so much fun, her firtly attitude had me blushing her whole route while playing and she’s just the OP of the main 10, she is so smexy it’s hard to write about her in a PG-13 way, sorry for that. On the other hand, complex wise I like Neha and Claire’s background more but Raquel just melts me so that’s why she is higher on the list.

3. Tegan

Tegan’s arc is the one I CAN’T WAIT TO SEE. Most of the time I just want to hug him so badly, I think he has been through a lot but he is so so brave and caring still. His route is such a delight too.

2. Tyler

Listen, if I ever meet someone and get married, I really hope it’s someone like Tyler. He is BY FAR my favorite of the boys of SE, what’s not to like about him? Funny, sweet, very smart, creative and just so many qualities put together. I feel like I could talk to him for hours and hours about so many different things whether it’s art and philosophy or just fool around. I also relate to his insecure side a lot and hope badly to see him realize just how wonderful he is. My only regret is that on the first chapters he is not around more.

1. Karol, my Karolina

You either love or hate her, huh? Well to give you all some background, I didn’t originally planned on playing her route. Back when I was a Sweet Elite noob, in chapter 3 I couldn’t decide on who to ask to be my partner for the gym class because I liked both Tegan and Raquel a lot so in pure noob way I ended up with no partner... and destiny gave me her. I love Karol for two reasons: herself and how great she makes the story.

So starting from the narrative perspective, personally, I think Karolina is the peak creative moment of Serena so I completely understand when she said she likes writing her a lot. Karol is very very complex, it could had been very easy to screw up with a character you are not supposed to like at first and grow to understand as the story progresses. It’s not your typical hate to love trope, it’s so much more than that, I am thankful for the depth it was given to her arc and I just love every second of her route.

Now about Karol per se, she is flawed, yes. But that’s just part of what makes her so amazing, she grows so much and is not afraid to recognize that she made mistakes and has issues that need to be resolved which will take time and effort, like she mentions: undoing years of bad habits. (And another point for Serena, you can choose not to forgive her, it’s completely valid.) Additionally, the Scholar of her route is such an amazing person, seeing through that petty attitude of hers the signs that something very wrong was happening with Karol. The way Karol and Scholar complement each other on her route is GOD TIER. 

So those are my general thoughts on the LIs, I could probably go on about Karol and Tyler but let’s just keep it at this level. 

[a-shakespearean-in-paris]

Thoughts on The Last of Us Part 2

This critique is spoiler heavy, so tread with caution. I also talk about more than the game. However, non-spoiler opinions: (and again, I want to stress this is my opinion)

This game does not have the same DNA as the first last of us. That’s not a total strike against LOUP2. Yet the first game succeeded so well in creating a relatively simple road trip narrative that was rooted around character growth, with the provoking questions it raised comknf naturally. TLOUP2 revolves so heavily on the message it’s trying to send, that the character and narrative writings suffers to mold around the parable...which doesn’t fully even succeed in that regard. Environments and game play however are pretty solid, and if you liked those aspects of the first game, they outdid themselves here, so you’ll probably like this game’s go around. Does it make it worthwhile to play? That’s a case by case basis, but I have to say that exploring the world made me want to continue the game. And if anything, I’d say this game is a relatively easy platinum trophy to collect. And despite this very long critique where I really dive in, (because that is what I do, it’s in my nature.) I’m glad I played, because I had an enjoyable experience.

anyway, on with the nitty gritty. Please keep in mind that even as I seem harsh, I did not hate this game. Aspects of it pissed me off , and I think it’s broken in a lot of respects, but certainly not a failure of design, game build, and acting.

When I think of the perfect sequel, (and please, bare with me) Shrek 2 comes to mind. It expands the world in a meaningful way, introduces new characters that seamlessly fit in with the dynamic, lets the established characters have more growth without cheapening what happened in the first part, and stays true to the core DNA of the first film. I’m not saying that all sequels need to follow this formula, (I love Silent Hill 2) but The Last of Us 2 was not a fulfilling sequel in any of these regards. Joel and Ellie in the first game, as well as the other characters, felt like real people who made decisions that made sense for their characters. In this game, we have a clumsily patched together narrative that is simultaneously simple and yet far too much for it to handle. This is not a narrative-driven story, but a parable about the dangers of revenge. And while not a bad parable to tell, I could easily pick up Moby Dick or a myriad of other works that detail the “revenge is all consuming and unhealthy” narrative. Now, was LOU particularly new with it’s story? No. But the characters made it worthwhile and fresh. Additionally, the narrative of this game is so riddled with hypocrisy that the parable it’s trying to tell almost misses the mark.

Before further diving in, I also want to talk about one more detour as a preface: Game of Thrones season 8 (and please, bare with me again.) My biggest issue with season eight was how unearned everything was. Most egregiously and infamously, Dany and Jaime’s fates was not rooted in her past actions, therefore making their fates make sense, but rooted in the final outline Benioff and Weiss had. The writers had a plan, and they made the characters fit that plan no matter what, no matter that the characters had grown and changed and had arcs that didn’t make sense with the final plan, leaving a lot of people, including me, note how unearned everything was. LOU2 feels similar. Druckman had a plan, and he made the characters fit that plan, no matter how many gaps in logic there was, no matter how unearned it was. Joel dying the way he did was not very Joel-like as established in LOU. That man noticed an ambush right on sight as he was driving with Ellie into Pittsburgh, while this Joel walks right into an ambush and let’s himself be cornered by a group of unknown people. Maybe you can say that he got softer living in Jackson, or the storm gave no alternatives, but it reads to me as more as Druckman needed Joel to die to set off his plot.  

And with that, now’s a good time to talk about Abby, because rather than being an organic character that fits seamlessly into the narrative, she feels inelegantly shoved into the game to fit the message and parable. In the prologue we learn little about Abby and are forced to run away and learn about the game mechanics with her, and most players are here to continue Joel and Ellie’s story, so cutting away to this new character away from Ellie is intrusive. You as a player may have also have heard Druckmann say Ellie was the only playable character and purposely avoided the leaks, so you’re bamboozled as well. It gets worse after we shift to Abby for a good ten hours after Ellie kills Owen and Mel. We’re supposed to feel compelled to play as Abby for a ten hour needlessly complicated side quest when the game jarringly cuts to her...even though she mercilessly beat Joel with a golf club and just shot Jesse, who, IMO, is one of the most likable new characters (and also one of the many minority characters in the LOU franchise that serve as props to the main characters and ultimately meets a sad end, but that aspect of the game is worthy of a whole other post.) 

Playing as Abby for as long as you do at the halfway point is a tough and unearned pill to swallow, not helped by the fact that we know how this long extended flashback is going to end, so the stakes are never high. No matter what happens, Owen, Mel, Nora and Alice are going to die, and Abby is going to find Ellie. Furthermore, you’ve spent a long time as a player buffing Ellie with supplements, upgrading weapons, and using her arsenal. Suddenly, you have to rewire you’re playstyle and get used to new weapons. They’re not totally different, but I can see how going back to square one when you’re halfway through the game can put a player off really quickly. I read the leaks so I knew this was coming, but I had no clue how bloated this section would be with the meandering plot and WLF/ Seraphite conflicts that still somehow aren’t explained well enough. In Abby’s section, plot things and character development things go at such a hyper speed, with relationships developing mega quickly, that I had a hard time believing it, especially compared to the first game when relationships took time and were earned. I think the sex scene is a good metaphor for this section of the game as a whole. they talk, talk, talk about unrelated things, Abby pushes Owen, and then they randomly have sex. which by the way, was done pretty tastelessly in my opinion. ND could have just cut away when they started making out, or if you absolutely had to hold the frame, if you really had the actors to do that in mocap suits, maybe make the situation more morally grey...because it is morally grey. Owen has a baby on the way with another woman. What a way to endear these two characters. I’m not one who gets squeamish with sex in media, and I understand the game’s M rating has a warning. But when you cut away a love scene between two women before things get too heated, but have no problem with showing that, I’m going to raise some eyebrows. 

Abby’s section is like an overly complicated side quest in the larger narrative, with missions that have little to nothing to do with Ellie, so watching Abby’s story play out doesn’t feel like a meaningful look into the character and world we don’t get as Ellie, but an overtly complicated way ND created to get us to like Abby and invest us in her found family. But it took a whole game and about a full year for Ellie and Joel to be father and daughter, and by the end of Abby’s section we’re expected to believe she and Lev have that same bond. It’s so glaringly apparent that they were trying to mirror Ellie and Joel with Abby and Lev, but they banked so hard on us as the player assuming and understanding that aspect, that the development wasn’t cultivated well enough for me. I think more time was needed--especially since you don’t even meet Lev and Yara until you’re an hour or so into her story. Abby’s section feels like a whole other game was tacked on, and not a piece of the puzzle that neatly fits into the larger narrative.  In fact, both Lev and Yara feel like tacked on props to make Abby more likable. 

However, ND is inconsistent with this likability factor, because there are key elements to Abby’s writing that don’t make her endearing to the player. Unlike Ellie, who is visibly shaken with each kill, Abby displays no regrets whatsoever. She doesn’t have any qualms killing her fellow WLF soldiers later in the game, but more infuriating for players, she has no regrets about killing Joel. She does it, and she moves on. The game even seems to celebrate her, with some of her friends saying he deserved worse, despite the fact that  Ellie was on the floor crying and begging for her to stop. (BTW Mel is pretty hypocritical to me. At one point she says she regrets taking part in Joel’s murder, but during it, she wanted Ellie killed. Then later says Joel’s death was too brutal...even if he deserved worse? It’s just another thread of inconsistency in this game.) 

Abby not thinking things through when Ellie is crying on the floor before Joel’s murder is another example of characters making strange, if not outright bad decisions because Neil needs his plot. Abby could have put the pieces together, realized Joel wanted to save Ellie because clearly they care about each other, and yes he did a bad thing and killed her father, but if there’s a crying girl on the floor, maybe he did it because of love. (Or she could have just killed Tommy and Ellie because what’s stopping her from thinking they won’t want revenge like she does? But again, Druckmann needs his plot.) 

But no, Abby is merciless, and then suddenly in her POV chapters she’s pretty cool to Yara and Lev and wants to help them out. And yes, they saved her from death...but Joel saved her from death too. It could have been so interesting if Abby and Joel were forced to work together longer, maybe she meets Ellie, and then she’s conflicted about extracting revenge. But okay, fine. She takes her revenge and the game moves on. Okay. But Ellie, who I remind, is vilified and punished by losing Dina and the baby in the game, has regrets and is shaken up by her revengeful deeds, while Abby, who is also pretty bad, gets rewarded. If Druckmann wanted to really write a revenge parable, it needed to be clearer that revenge didn’t make Abby happy or fulfill her. If that would have happened, and if time was taken to develop the Lev and Yara subplot, it could have been interesting to see Abby’s story.

Ellie’s characterization in this game is a point of contention for me as well. Some reviewers have said she makes decisions that are so outlandish it’s akin to Dany in GOT season eight, and I don’t disagree. Now, the game implies Ellie continuously puts herself at risk, leaves her friends, and sets off on a near suicide mission because she has PTSD from what happened to Joel, along with a lot of guilt for not patching things up to him. Druckmann and Halley Gross even confirmed in an Indie Wire interview that Ellie has PTSD. Now, there are so many negative stereotypes against people with PTSD as outlined by Psychology Today and other sources. There’s misconceptions that they’re violent and dangerous, and it can’t be treated. I don’t think Druckmann was outright suggesting Ellie went on her rampage of revenge specifically because of this, in fact I think the truth of the matter is he wanted to say something deep and artsy with this game, and Ellie and Abby are props to the message. (Supported by pre release statements of ND saying they wouldn’t call this game fun--it’s art.) That being said, this equation doesn’t sit right with me. More broadly I don’t like the fact that Ellie has been a prop in this game so Druckmann can say something deep (tm) especially when the last game did such a good job molding her character and honoring her in an organic way as the plot moved forward. The way they used her here just didn’t feel right.

Also, like to mention Ellie didn’t go to Santa Barbara to meet Abby again until Tommy’s major guilt trip at the farm, which was a wildly out of character moment in itself. But again, in this game, there’s a script, and we needed a way to trigger Ellie’s journey to Santa Barbara. But looking at the first game, Tommy berates Joel for the lengths he went to to ensure their survival, even saying at one point “it wasn’t worth it.” Now Tommy is all of a sudden going to not take the high road and demand Ellie extract revenge when he can’t? Heck, when Abby had Tommy pinned to the ground in the theatre he told her to go and save herself. When tommy came to her after Joel’s death he actively tried to talk her out of going to Seattle. Now maybe you can say that “oh Abby shot Tommy and now he’s relationship with Maria is in shambles...” but it didn’t compute with me. (And damn, can anyone be in a happy romantic relationship in these games?) But again, Druckmann wants a final fight, where the biggest waste of opportunity is squandered. We could have had a moment where Ellie and Abby talk it out, maybe Ellie telling Abby that she cared for Joel despite what he did (though ho boy, more on that later.) and Abby realizing hmm, maybe what I did was kind of morally grey and we’re not so different at the least. If this parable was going to work, Abby had to have an epiphany about her own deeds in addition to Ellie, and Ellie can’t be vilified while Abby isn’t. 

This game also cheapens the last game’s ending. Joel’s morally grey choice at the end part one is rendered into an indisputably bad choice, because he took away Ellie’s choice. Are we forgetting the fireflies, and Jerry, Abby’s dad that we’re supposed to like, (based on the flashback, which, BTW didn’t work for me, I think Jerry’s an ass) weren’t giving Ellie a choice either? The ending of TLOU asked some fantastic questions about the nature of love without forcing it, and this game completely does away with that ending via telling us how bad Joel is and how he wronged Ellie. I can’t really replay the first game now without thinking of how the sequel cheapens that ending. Overall, the message and thought-provoking questions in LOU came naturally with Joel and Ellie’s development. It was elegantly done and expertly crafted. However, this game is so focused on it’s message and so focused on being an art house drama, that not only do the characters bend to fit the message, but it’s rudely it’s beaten over your head with the final shots of a lone guitar. However, playing through the game for me, seeing the cracks, the message fell flat. Want to tell a parable like this? Go ahead, but make sure it’s delivered well , paced well, and crafted well. I don’t think this game succeeded in any of those regards.

As others have stated, the game is needlessly dark, and though there are moments of calm and light, they are not as frequent as the first game, and all but dissolve toward the end of the story. Obviously ND couldn’t help the current situation of the world the game was released into, but I am tired of this trend of dark narratives and SuBerTing ExpECtatIons that Thrones also pulled, and the easiest, laziest tactic media has used lately to get people talking about their stories: doing things for shock value. Expectations were maybe subverted and there was definite shock value by having Joel die at the beginning, but the events that follow are so bizarre and unearned with Ellie’s vilification and Abby’s “redemption,” that I’m not mad that he died, I’m mad he was fridged to make way for this sloppy mess of a story.  And I have to point out that so many of us had a feeling Joel was going to die in this game, that frankly my expectations would have been subverted if he lived. 

Now with this segue, I think now I should probably mention the elephant in the room: the pre-release footage. Images were altered to make players believe Joel meets Ellie in Seattle, but we know now that it was Jesse. Sony was banking on the fact that fans of the first game love Ellie and Joel so much, that they used their relationship to sell the game and pretty much deceive the player. The fact that the game is very much not about Ellie and Joel’s further development is not only deceptive, but kind of cruel. Games are expensive. People pre-ordered this game expecting one thing and got another. Doesn’t sit right with me. If Sony/ ND had faith in Abby’s story the secrecy wouldn’t have been necessary, but keeping her out of the marketing save for one time, with Druckmann out right lying at one point by saying you only play as Ellie, it just proves that someone in the marketing department had no faith in Abby. Now, I think this is all rooted in anti-spoiler culture, and no doubt that had a big impact on this game and the marketing behind it. Though this is another, albeit related rant, I am tired of the current climate of “keeping the secrets and remaining spoiler free.” Sure, spoilers can ruin some surprise, and it’s not cool to needlessly spoil something for someone, but spoilers should not ruin the experience of seeing a story unfold. We all know the damn ship is going to sink in Titanic, and a lot of people love that movie. Heck. I played the first LOU completely spoiled. I wanted to see what the fuss was about and read the Wiki page. I still cried, I still fell in love. I get maybe wanting the player to be surprised that Abby has such a big section, or even that’s she’s playable, but when Abby’s story can make or break how you feel about this game, I raise some eyebrows at the marketing.  

As I said, I did read the leaks when they came out. Why? Well, I’m not averse to being spoiled and GOT kind of burned me before. I am glad I read the leaks because knowing what to expect certainly eased things for me, and got me used to playing as Abby in a way that going in blind wouldn’t have. It was easier for me to bunker down and accept playing as her, but her story is so needlessly bloated and has nothing to do with Ellie’s up until the end. Her section solely exists just to get the player to like her. As I outlined however, the fragments in her story are broken and don’t come together to form a flattering picture. Sure in her sections you get some, albeit, minimal context to the goings on of Ellie’s chapters and the whole WLF/ Seraphite conflict, but not much to make it interesting or illuminate things further. A lot of it was there just to make you feel like crap for the things you were forced to do as Ellie. Alice was a good girl wasn’t she? Shame on Ellie for killing her in self-defense! And I understand the flashbacks were supposed to mirror Ellie’s flashbacks, but part of me rolled my eyes as I realized I was enduring a damn flashback within a flashback. What kind of a meta world, and an uncool one at that, is the game in? (Heck at one point Abby said “fucking video games” so IDK) I think the game could have been better if you played both sections concurrently--some of Abby’s, some of Ellie’s instead of having an entire flashback to play through as Abby. But I can only guess the game did it this way because of good old spoiler culture and they only wanted early reviewers to talk about certain things. (Heck early reviews pre release had an embargo. Reviewers were forbidden from mentioning anything in the last half of the game.)And truth to be told I think Abby’s sections needed a huge overhaul. Actually I think the whole story of the game needed a huge overhaul, but that’s probably apparent from this long diatribe. However, I maintain that this was the Last of us sequel ND wanted to tell, the crafting needed to be improved.

So what did I like? Well, I liked exploring the world and I liked the ease of the beginning of the game, and...the boat section was kind of cool? now initially I thought Ellie’s romance with Dina seemed pretty rushed, but as you play the game, you realize they’ve known each other for a long time at this point, and it makes more sense. The two have a lot of chemistry that makes the relationship feel more authentic, especially as you roam Downtown Seattle. Playing as Ellie and exploring Seattle was my favorite parts of the game. I really liked the semi-open world section at the beginning, though it didn’t mesh well with the rest of the linear narrative. I hope in future games ND does do something similar and makes the whole game have pockets of open-world esque exploration throughout, and not just one part

I tore Abby’s section apart a lot, but there was also good stuff going on there too. I did Yara and Lev a lot, just wish there would have been more time to develop them. The hospital chapter was wild and fun...the most effective horror chapter in the game, with a big ass monster straight out of Resident Evil. Even if it was gross. And of course, the environments were downright breathtaking, and exploring Seattle made me want to continue. The Aquarium was my favorite location overall, as I found it beautifully rendered and a good focal point for the game. I also find it super fitting Abby and Ellie have their first fight in a theatre. It’s almost like Druckmann’s trying to make a point about how violence is a commodity...kind of like us playing this really violent game and they’re using violence to sell it to you, even though the game punishes you for doing actions you have no say in.

I may have been a tiny bit sarcastic there, but I did enjoy the Ellie/Abby fight, and even if I knew the outcome, it did a great job of putting me on edge. I really didn’t want to hurt Ellie, but seeing how Ellie fights from the other angle was pretty interesting. After that fight however it was pretty draggy to have to do it again in Santa Barbara as Ellie. On a related note, there were too many brawls like that in the game. You have no weapons, just fist brawls twice with cult randos as Abby and then two with Ellie and Abby in the game. Could have trimmed those down, because they kind of wore out their welcome. And while we’re at it, good grief the ending DRAGGED. Maybe that was done on purpose to prove the lengths Ellie will go, but I wasn’t a fan.

Look, a part of me can kind of appreciate what ND was trying to do with this game, I just think that the execution was poor, and a lot of small specifics of things that happened in the game were done in poor taste. Pieces of the puzzle didn’t fit a cohesive whole, and the message is pretty grim and broken because of hypocrisies in the narratives. A lot of people are saying its an apocalypse game, of course it’s going to be dark and nihilistic, but the first game wasn’t nihilistic. It was hopeful, and benefited from the simple story it told. Druckmann always said Part 2 would be a hate story, and that’s fine, but I think it was just so committed to that idea the game suffered and became manipulative. I think now we’re now entering a debate about “can video games be art and have messages?” or “should video games just be fun?” and I really think video games can be art. However, there has to be something in the game that makes you want to continue, and that something is usually “fun.” Video games aren’t like movies. We’re not voyeurs that watch. We’re actually in control of the characters. That has an impact. 

if you read all of this, I commend you. thanks! Really needed to pound out all my thoughts and now I can (hopefully) move on with my life.

[bangtan-madi]

Top Albums of 2020

I was tagged by the amazing @joonni to list my top nine twelve albums of 2020! This was honestly so hard, but so fun. I love any tags to do with music xD (Your music taste was amazing btw! Sorry I went a little crazy and did a few extra lol.) Thanks lovie 💓

I went with the albums that I loved as whole (aka I loved most, if not all, of the songs) and listened to the most this year. Some choices have deeper meanings, while others were just flat-out enjoyable. I also stuck with albums that came out this year only, but I wasn’t sure if that was inherently part of the challenge. I wasn’t too picky on the criteria, just went with the ones that made up the score for my 2020. All albums have Spotify links incase something catches your eye! (Apologies for my extra-ness; I added recommendations from each album and a brief...ish explanation as to why it made the list.)

Also, they’re in no particular order, because this was difficult enough...

Map of the Soul: 7 by BTS

Explanation — This album was my first comeback as part of the BTS Army. There are so many tracks that I adore, and I honestly can’t remember the last time I was so excited for music. It breathed life into my Spotify, it was the album I listened to the most this year, and Black Swan was my most listened song. The differing music genres that they played with, all the way from orchestral to trap to hip hop and synth pop, left me more and more excited as the songs progressed. If there was a #1 on this list, it would be MOTS:7.

Highlights — Interlude: Shadow, Black Swan, ON, We Are Bulletproof: The Eternal

Zero: Fever Part.1 by Ateez

Explanation — This was the soundtrack to my summer. I hadn’t heard much from Ateez, but what I had heard, I wasn’t a huge fan of? Maybe I hadn’t been grabbed yet, but oh boy. Zero: Fever definitely did that. Every track is such high energy and memorable, so it was so hard to pick favorites! I’ll always think back on this one for summer, and will be transported back to plenty of sunset commutes.

Highlights — Fever, Thanxx, One Day At A Time

The Dream Chapter: Eternity by Tomorrow x Together

Explanation — Until this mini album, I had only listened to TXT in passing. I liked their stuff, but I feel like this is where they really found their stride. TDC:E caught me totally off-guard, in the best way possible. To me at least, this one is a work of art. Each of the six tracks is so entrancing, and so different from each other while still working together as a cohesive story. And don’t even get me started on the MVs! This is an album that I listen to for feels and fun, which to me, TXT are just brilliant at. 

Highlights — Fairy of Shampoo, Maze in the Mirror, Eternally

Dystopia: The Tree of Language by Dreamcatcher

Explanation — It took me forever to find a girl group that I could really stan, like hardcore. This comeback for Dreamcatcher was when I realized they were it for me. This album in particular is so diverse. Their voices are both haunting and beautiful, and the way they interweave rock/alternative elements into their music has always turned my ear. They are so different from so many other girl groups out there, from the sound to their stage presence to their aesthetic. I will never stop talking about them, and this album really shows the best of their work thus far.

Highlights — Red Sun, Sahara, Paradise

BE by BTS

Explanation — How could BE not be on this list? What a perfect end to a shitty year. There’s something so comforting yet uplifting about this one, and I will happily admit I cried when I first heard Blue & Grey. Who am I kidding, I still do. There’s only one other artist I have listed on here with two albums, so BTS is in good company. What more is there to say other than BE was the warm hug we all needed.

Highlights — Life Goes On, Blue & Grey, Dis-ease, Stay

Heng:garae by Seventeen

Explanation — This is another group that I hadn’t listened to much before this album. I was so surprised and excited. Every song that passed, I found myself smiling more. Their voices are astoundingly beautiful, and the songs are sickeningly catchy. Another album that I go to just to have fun. It’s one of my favorites to just put on when a day is good, but doesn’t Seventeen make it a little better regardless?

Highlights — Fearless, Kidult, I Wish, Together

The Untamed by various

Explanation — If you’ve seen the Chinese drama The Untamed, then you know exactly why this is on there. This album is a collection of songs that are themes for the characters in the show, most of which are sung by the actors themselves. Let me tell you; I don’t know a lick of Mandarin, but these are some of the most stunning songs I’ve ever heard. It’s one of the things that drew me to the drama to begin with; everything, including the music, is breathtaking. The classical Chinese sound plays so well with the character’s stories and singer’s vocals. They tell stories all on their own and give the drama so much depth. Even if you’re not a fan of the show or webtoon it’s based on, give this one a listen. You won’t be disappointed!

Highlights — [Wen Qing] woodland, [Wen Ning] Chi Ni, [Lan Xichen] Bu You, [Jiang Yanli & Jin Zixuan] Yong Ge, [Interlude] Yi Nan Ping, [Nie Minghao & Nie Huaisang] Qing He Ju

Humanity (Chapters I & II) by Thomas Bergersen

Explanation — If you know anything about me, you know how important orchestral music is to me. It’s been a huge part of my music journey ever since I was in middle school. Thomas Bergersen has been my favorite composer for years; the way he integrates the classical with the modern is just...there are no words. These two albums cannot be listed separately; they’re part of a seven-part project titled Humanity. Chapters I & II came out in 2020, and honestly, I have no words. The way he tells a story through almost entirely lyric-less work is just immaculate. I’ve never felt more powerful, emotional, or inspired than when listening to these two. I cried when I first heard Your Imagination and Materialize. No matter how I am feeling, whether I need inspiration or hope or just some peace of mind, I go here. I’ve never felt more healed than when listening to his work. If you take a chance to listen to anything on this list, PLEASE. Give these a try. 

Highlights — We Are One, Wings, Humanity, Your Imagination, Materialize, Innocence, The Stars Are Coming Home

Brightest Blue by Ellie Goulding

Explanation — I don’t listen to a ton of western music that isn’t orchestral or lofi, but I used to adore Ellie Goulding. Halcyon was my entire teen-hood. When I saw she came out with a new album this year, I gave it a listen for sentimentality reasons. And boy, I still love her. Her voice is both angelic and haunting, and her sound is so unique. The messages given in these songs are powerful, potent, a tad bit bittersweet, and especially valid for young women navigating adult life. Also the instrumentals backing her vocals are often big and grand and symphonic, filled with piano and violin. That’s enough to get me to listen. And to top it all off, the collabs she has on this album are so fitting for each track, it’s absolutely beautiful.

Highlights — Start, Cyan, Ode To Myself, Woman, Flux, Overture, Slow Grenade, Hate Me

Beneath Your Waves by Sleepy Fish

Explanation — If there’s one kind of music that shuts off the little anxiety bug in my brain and gets me to work, one that isn’t as intense as orchestral music and that doesn’t put me into sensory overload like orchestral sometimes does, it’s lofi. And Sleepy Fish does it so freakin’ well. This album that came out this year is one of my most often repeated over and over. When I’m struggling with sensory issues at work, I put this one repeat and my mind just...goes...quiet. It’s like medicine. And the tunes are so catchy and sweet. I’m instantly transported to someplace magical, some seaside city straight out of a Ghibli film, and far away from the things that are troubling me. Then I can finally get some work done, get to sleep, or just quiet my mind. If you struggle with sensory issues or anxiety like I do, give this album a shot. Also, the album titled My Room Becomes The Sea from 2019 is excellent.

Highlights — Velocities, Sunbreak, Swimming, Nights Like These, Winter Winter

WOOPS! by Woodz

Explanation — Another mini album that is just a blast to listen to, but it also has such a soft side that hits me in the feels. I don’t see a lot of people talking about Woodz, but you all should give him a listen. He’s so talented, and his voice on this one is just *chef’s kiss* everything. The mixing is also impeccable and pairs so well with his vocals.

Highlights — Bump Bump, On my own, Sweater, Tide

D-2 by Agust D

Explanation — I mean, we all knew this one was gonna be dope. Yoongi did not disappoint. This mixtape is so different from most of the stuff I listen to, but I absolutely adored it. The truth and rhythm and pure talent in each and every verse stuns me still. I find myself especially drawn to this one when I’m frustrated (not exclusively, but often, ‘cause 2020.) Both his truth and sound give me a safe place to feel that frustration and anxiety and vent/work through it. I don’t know what it is about Yoongi, but to me, all of his work is like a comforting friend going, “Hey, you’re totally valid and okay for feeling this way...but it sucks, doesn’t it?” 

Highlights — Daechwita, People, Dear my friend

Now, I’ll tag these lovely people! Only if you wanna :)

@kooala​ @cultleaderyoongi​ @yoontopia​ @hobicomeholla29​ @helenazbmrskai​ @moon-write​ @dreamcatcherjiah​ @ditttiii​

[empyreansentinel]

im so sorry @anon i didnt know i had them off. theyre on now. and TYSM for being interested in my rewrite. the general idea is that it shifts the POV from the vault hunters to several of the bandit clans over the games. putting this under a read more because its. a lot.

the rewrite will be separated into chapters focused on specific points in or before the games. starting with mapping out the hierarchy in borderlands 1, where the bandits we encounter are united under baron flynt. and how that destabilizes the entire continent whenever the VHs go up the ladder and kill everyone in power. because as it turns out, executing leaders and destroying resource supplies does not actually make a piece of territory safer. BL1 POV characters planned: baron flynt, reaver, krom, sledge, ninetoes, bonehead, mad mel, possibly the kobb twins, one eyed jack is VERY interesting to me seeing as how hes not a real bandit, but an undercover weapons dealer. a few outsider POVS, steele, pierce, roland possibly. the knoxx dlc and the underdome dlc will also be rewritten, though probably not zombie island and claptrap revolution. those who survive the events of BL1 end up forming the bloodshots: a massive group of bandits with no apparent leader, who are starting to conquer more territory of their own. the flynts try to push back on the territory theyve lost to regain control over the planet, but now theyre also in competition with hyperion and the crimson raiders. its a war fought from all sides where everyone is hostile to each other and no real ground is kept, especially for the bloodshots who are displaced again and again and again. this war is all based on this map in captains ship btw. weird how sanctuary is marked in blue. at this point flynt is also still hunting down the people who killed his brother.

two is a little more segmented just from the sheer number of bandit clans we get introduced to, but all of them will get some sort of spotlight. lynchwood especially, as a bandit town run by a bandit that is now under corporate lockdown, similar to baron flynt's thor pre-borderlands 1. BL2 POV characters planned: captain flynt, deputy winger, ellie, flanksteak, sheriff nisha, possibly tiny tina and/or fleshstick. brick, maybe. salvador is a definite and krieg is a maybe bc i think a VH pov might be useful but only through the scope of a bandit VH. opposition POVs as well. handsome jack, crimson raiders. i am fighting every impulse within me to not make a religious connection between angel and the bloodshots. all of those bandit leaders are again killed by the vault hunters on their warpath to stopping handsome jack. collateral, in the games. id like it to be different in my rewrite! i want their deaths to have value, which is limited by the type of game that borderlands is. its a lootershooter, kill the bad guys and move on and never think about them again. i will not be doing that <3 then the transition to BL3 where all of the varied bandit clans we have just get put into the melting pot to fuel the cults need for bodies. before i get to this part of the rewrite i will have to replay the game because its the one im least confident on. Its also a bit more of a struggle because of how little we have in terms of named COV bandits. the twins ofc get a spotlight, and its the detail of bloodshot tattoos on shiv means he lived through barons rule, atlas, the crimson raiders flooding the bloodshots out of sanctuary, hyperion, the crimson raiders flooding the bloodshots out of the dam, AND hyperion. and then uhm. you kill him with like three bullets. im less interested in the maliwan side of the COV, so i wont touch very much on it for this rewrite or have a POV character within maliwan but im also not going to sidestep promethia and athenas in their entirety. there will be a focus specifically on the opposition research sidequest and whatever else i can pick through on the planets. and then theres eden-6, carnivora, and to be perfectly honest, though nekrotafeyo might get mentioned in passing, i have no intention of doing very much with it at all. maybe some tyreen POV chapters but thats all i got in me. im so sorry. i do not like typhon enough to dedicate more than that to him. and then the end of the game and all of the consequences that follow as the bandits once again lose their leadership, but also are freed of the constant threats they have been living through for decades.

im not entirely sure if i will cover TPS, or tales 1 and 2 but im considering it! at this point i already have a lot on my plate with the main title games, but maybe ill be able to get around to it eventually.

This is so silly but I have a cringe ass non-borderlands account that I don’t want to ask from and mohavegecko has anon asks off (I totally understand that) but can you ask him to spill more about the borderlands bandit-centric rewrite she’s been working on bc it sounds awesome.

Also love your art and your fantastic AU content (Angel my beloved…..) You have such a fresh take on the borderlands world and characters and it’s always great reading your stuff. Thank you for being a bastion of Wainlock content <3

@mohavegecko i was asked to forward this to thee

and thank you very much anon :)

[therainroguefanfiction]

🔥 ℝise Ⱥbove I̾t ◈ Chapter 022 [Winchester’s Starting Line]

📑 Table of Contents | ◂Backward

Word Count: 3,282

⊱ ────── {⋅. 🔥 .⋅} ────── ⊰

〈“You know you’re fighting in a losing battle, Making a noose out of your hollow crown. I hold a match up to your paper castle, and watch it all burn down.” Ellie Goulding, “Hollow Crown”〉

⊱ ────── {⋅. 🔥 .⋅} ────── ⊰

The smoke cleared and the boss was on the other end of the room, his body embedded in the back wall. The male standing in front of me was breathing heavily, sword poised in front of him in both hands. Wait, I recognize that mop of green hair!

“Izuku?”

He glanced over his shoulder, giving me a nervous smile. “H-Hi, Jen-san.” He was wearing a long-sleeved white shirt under a green vest. His hands were covered by gloves and he wore a brown utility belt around his waist, legs covered by blue pants. He’s also a swordmaster.

“Deku?! What the fuck are you doing here?!” Bakugo yelled, stomping over to the boy.

“U-Um, I… you looked like… you n-needed help…”

“Hah?! As if I’d ever need help from a nerd like you!”

“You say that, but Winchester would have been a goner if he hadn’t stepped in when he did.” Iida approached the two, dressed in a suit of armor, his helmet tucked under his arm. He’s the knight class.

“That’s her fault for being a fucking weakling!”

“Gee, thanks.” I rolled my eyes, coughing again.

“Don’t worry, Jen, I can heal you!” Ochaco smiled brightly as she kneeled beside me, dressed in a short tan dress with a red hood over her head. Black leggings covered her legs, disappearing into brown boots. She carried a wooden staff, her right hand wearing a red glove. She’s the mage class. Ochaco hovered her hand above my stomach and it started to glow purple before my health shot up. “There, all better!”

“Thanks,” I pulled myself to my feet, dusting off my pants.

Iida snapped his gaze to me. “Why are you here? You’re not even level fifty yet!”

My eyes narrowed. “I’m half a pubic hair from being fifty. Fuck you.”

His cheeks burned. “E-Either way, this area is far too advanced for you! Show some responsibility for your actions.”

“You know, you really fucking piss me off, Prep.”

“P-Prep? My name is -!”

“I don’t fucking care,” I scoffed. “Oi, Bakuhoe. You got five minutes to finish this bitch off before I call it quits. I’m fuckin’ hungry and now in a bad mood.”

“Che, don’t tell me what to do!” He turned his back to me. “Let’s go, shitty hair!”

“Right!” Kirishima blew smoke from his nose.

Izuku and Iida joined the fight, while Ochaco stuck close to me with a magical shield up in case the boss decided to attack me again. Ten minutes passed and Kirishima dealt the finishing blow with a swipe of his clawed hand. Or is it a paw? Dragons don’t have paws right? Feet? But that makes me think of the back legs not the front.

As the boss shattered, an annoying jingling started to go off in my ear like I had just won the fucking jackpot on a slot machine. My level shot through the roof, jumping from forty-nine to seventy-nine. My body feels lighter, stronger, and now I have a shit ton of power points to assign again. For fuck’s sake.

Kirishima’s body started to shrink back to human form and he fell back onto his ass, a bright grin on his face. “I can’t believe we did it! You’re super strong, Midoriya!”

The greenette flushed at the praise, not missing Bakugo’s glare. “N-No, I’m really not -”

“Of course he is!” Iida pushed up his glasses. “Not only is he max level, but he also has the legendary Allmiber!”

Allmiber? What, is that the fucking love child of All Might and Excalibur?

“How the fuck did you hit max level?! And where the fuck did you get the most OP weapon in the damn game?!” Bakugo demanded, trying to grab the front of Izuku’s shirt, but the anti-PVP system prevented him from doing so.

“That’s so cool!” Kirishima jumped to his feet, eyes sparkling. “Only five people in the entire game have managed to find Allmiber!”

“And you, shitty hair!” Bakugo’s vermillion eyes snapped to the red-head, pointing an angry finger at his face. “How the fuck are you a Dragonling?!”

“What’s a Dragonling?” Ochaco whispered from behind me.

Izuku answered, his eyes shining. “Dragonlings are the rarest race in the whole game! They can’t be chosen or even bought, you can only get it as a drop from a powerful boss. The drop rate itself is only .01% and the drop location changes every week. They say that Dragonlings are unbeatable because of their massive health bars and insane defense and armor. They’re also the only race in the game that can change their forms in battle! Their dragon forms have been called the gods of the game! Did you know that the creator -”

I glanced over my shoulder at him, sweatdropping as he continued to ramble on about the game. A simple, ‘it’s rare!’ woulda been fine, ya know. But Ochaco and Iida are listening intently to him, as usual, nodding their head every few words.

Kirishima laughed as he rubbed the back of his neck. “I was just killing some scarecrows for a quest and it dropped.”

“You got a Dragonling from a fucking level five quest?! I’ll kill you!”

My lips tugged down as I watched the two groups interacting with each other. Why do I feel a sudden pang in my heart? I cursed, turning toward the exit portal that had opened up after the boss with destroyed. It took me back to town and I quickly logged out of the game, pulling myself off the wooden floor and turning the console off. I can still hear Bakugo screaming over the phone and I hesitated.

Should I say something? I decided I didn’t want to bother them and just ended the group call without a word, glancing at the clock. Nine-thirty.

The front door opened and closed, Toshi stepped into the living room looking tired and ragged. He smiled when he saw me. “Hello, young Jen. What would you like me to make for dinner?”

I grunted, pushing past him before he could step into the kitchen. “I wanna work on my cooking skull. You don’t mind, yeah?”

He sent me a confused look, but it soon melted to one of warmth. “That’s fine with me. I’m guessing tacos since I lifted the ban?”

“Nah. I’m in the mood for some curry.”

“Oh…” he shifted in the doorway, watching me closely. “Is anything bothering you?”

I sent him a small smile. “I spent all day playing an RPG with Bakugo, so I’ve just got a bit of headache.”

He sweatdropped. “That’ll do it. I’m gonna go take a shower.”

My smile dropped as soon as the bathroom door closed. To be honest, I don’t really know why I’m suddenly feeling so… isolated and down, I guess? I don’t wanna worry him, especially when I don’t even technically know what my problem is. Thinking about it, a lot of time has passed since I came to this world, since I started at U.A.

While everyone else has been forging friendships, I’ve been too damn busy keeping people at a distance. I haven’t made any efforts at all. Bakugo only asked me to play with him because he had no one else, but now he knows that the golden trio and Kirishima also play. They don’t need a low level to babysit that knows nothing about the game.

I groaned, rubbing my forehead in frustration. “Why is this bothering me? Get a grip.”

⊱ ────── {⋅. 🔥 .⋅} ────── ⊰

My phone buzzed for the millionth time and I sighed, opening my messages. From Bakugo:

‘Where the fuck did u go?’

‘Oi, fuckin answer me’

‘…somethings wrong aint it?’

‘Stop fucking ignoring me!’

And from a number I didn’t recognize:

‘Hey Winchester! Got ur number from Bakugo!’

‘This is Kirishima btw’

‘Whyd u log out so suddenly? Everything ok?’

‘That sword u got is really cool btw, it costs a million gold!’

My brow furrowed. Why did he give my number to Kirishima? Why’d he want it in the first place? Are they really worried about me? And that sword… why did Bakugo give me something that’s worth so damn much? I don’t understand anything.

I sighed, throwing my phone onto the couch before plopping down onto the floor so I could put my sneakers on. I heard shuffling behind me as Toshi walked quietly down the hall, pausing when he noticed me.

“Young Jen, you’re up early!”

“Don’t sound so surprised, Toshi.”

“You’re never awake when I leave in the mornings.” He commented, sliding his feet into the over-sized loafers. He suddenly grinned, his body expanding as he took on his muscle form. “Shall I carry you to school today? Ahahaha!”

I rolled my eyes as I pushed the door open. “I’m not a kid, but I’m sure Izuku would take you up on that offer, though.”

He laughed again, closing and locking the door. “I’m sure he would! By the way, I wanted to thank you for befriending young Midoriya. I feel more at ease knowing that you’re there to watch his back.”

“I’d hardly call myself his friend,” I muttered under my breath.

“Hm? What was that?”

“I said you’re welcome.”

He smiled brightly, slapping my shoulder. “Be safe on your way to school, young Jen!” He kneeled down, kicking off the ground as he took to the sky. I waited until he was out of sight before starting to walk, stuffing my hands into my pockets.

It was still dark outside, the neighborhood peaceful as the residents slept. Crickets chirped tiredly in the distance, pausing when the wind blew through the trees. Ever since I was a kid, I’ve always found solace in the darkness. I’ve always been a night owl, preferring to be awake through the night rather than during the day. Maybe it’s because I hate the sun, or maybe it’s because there are fewer people around at night… I don’t really know the reason. This little strip of time before the sun starts to rise makes me feel at peace.

I took my time walking to school and the sun was just starting to glare over the horizon as I walked through the archway, casting shades of orange and purple across the sky. It was beautiful, sure, but I ain’t fond of the sun.

I entered the school building, heading for class 1-A. The room was empty and, for a minute, I just stood in the doorway. It felt weird without the loud chatter of the other students. It was eerie, like I had just stepped into an alternate dimension or some shit.

“Fuckin’ creepy,” I muttered, flicking on the light before heading to my desk. What do I do now? I left my phone behind, so I can’t play any games. I guess I could work on my homework… I started it last night but couldn’t concentrate so I ended up giving up and going to bed. Scrunching my nose up, I grabbed my notebook and the worksheets we had been given and got to work.

The door slid open a few minutes later and I glanced up, meeting surprised heterochromatic eyes. I returned my gaze to my notebook, where I was working on a doodle of Deadpool wearing a taco hat. At least he ain’t glaring at me, but the day is still young.

The legs of the chair scraped against the floor as he sat at his desk. He was quiet for a moment before speaking up, almost hesitantly. “Good morning,”

I raised a brow at him, but he was staring down at his desk. “Uh… sure.”

“Are you all healed up?”

“Yeah,”

“That’s good,” he nodded his head, pulling his notebook from his bag. “Does my voice really keep you calm?”

I nearly snapped my pencil, a bead of sweat rolling down my cheek. Damn, talk about being blunt. I cleared my throat, “Why are you even talkin’ to me?”

His eyes met mine, growing wide. “Should I not be?”

I shrugged. “You’ve always seemed perfectly content just glaring at me.”

Peppermint quickly looked away, his hair covering his eyes. “I’m sorry. You just… remind me of someone.”

“Who?”

He was silent for a moment and I figured he wasn’t going to answer. When he finally did, his voice was like ice. “My father,”

I raised a brow, humming. So a pretty boy with daddy issues, huh? Interesting. “Right. Good to know I remind you of an old man.”

“That’s not what I meant,” he mumbled, his cheeks gaining some color. “Will you answer my question now?”

“Yes, you have a calming voice. Happy?” I sighed, turning back to my notebook. Man, I accidentally stabbed Deadpool in the face.

The door slid open again and Fumi stepped inside, tilting his head as his eyes met mine. He approached my desk with a smile. “Good morning, Jen-san.”

“Sup, Fumi.”

“You’re usually one of the last to arrive. It’s quite alarming to see you here so early.”

“Sheesh, a girl tries to be a diligent student and everyone thinks the world is comin’ to an end.” I grinned, leaning back in my chair. “I wanted to try somethin’ new, but don’t worry, I hate it and won’t be doing it again.”

He chuckled, his eyes scanning my notebook. “You did this problem wrong,”

“Heh?” I glanced at the math problem he was pointing at. “Fuck math,”

“If you’d like, I can give you a hand.”

“For sure, thanks Fumi. The last thing I need is a lecture from Ectoplasm about not paying attention in his class.”

He nodded toward the pencil. “May I?”

“Go for it,” I watched as he scribbled down a number on the corner of the page.

“You can message me anytime you find yourself stuck and I will do my best to assist you.”

“Yeah, I will.” I smiled at him. “Thanks, Fumi.”

He nodded, returning the smile before heading to his desk. I caught Peppermint’s gaze but he quickly looked away. What’s his deal today?

Students slowly started to filter into the room and the silence morphed into loud chatter. In a way, their loud natures is annoying as all hell, but… I think I prefer it over the alternative.

“Wait, who are you?”

I glanced up at the sound of Alien’s voice, seeing Rin standing in the doorway. What’s he doing here?

He bowed, offering a kind smile. “My name is Hiryuu Rin from class 1-B next door. I’m looking for Winchester,”

Her eyes fell on me, half-hidden behind Momo. I stood up and approached him, grabbing his wrist and tugging him from the room. I could already hear her excited whispers. I swear if she starts spreading some stupid shit… I brought Rin to the stairway, which only had a few students passing by. As soon as I turned toward him, his arms were thrown around my neck, my body tensing at the contact.

“Uhh…”

“I’m so glad you’re okay.” He spoke with a voice full of emotion, his grip tightening around me. I could feel his heart hammering in his chest. “I heard about the attack, about two students being seriously injured along with Aizawa-sensei and Thirteen-sensei. I came to see you yesterday, to see if you were okay, but your entire class was gone. I was so worried about you, Winchester!”

My body relaxed as I wrapped my arms around him, gently rubbing his back. “The faulty thought it would be a good idea if we took a day off after the attack. Me and Izuku were a bit reckless, but it ain’t a big deal.”

“‘A bit reckless’?” He pulled back, eyes narrowed in frustration and worry. “You could’ve been killed.”

“I didn’t think you cared that much,” I muttered, scratching my cheek as I glanced to the side.”

“You’re my friend, of course, I care!” He sighed, letting his arms fall to his sides. “You’re okay, that’s what matters.”

My heart skipped a beat, my chest growing warm as my lips curled up. My hand rested on his head. “I’m sorry I worried you, Rin.”

“Call me Hiryuu.”

“Only if you call me Jen.”

“Deal,” he grinned.

“Hey, Rin! Class is gonna start soon!” An orange-haired girl smiled at us as she walked by with a girl that looked like she just stepped out of My Little Pony.

“Be right there, Kendo!” He called before turning back to me, pulling his phone out of his bag. “Can we exchange numbers?”

“Oh, uh, sure. I forgot my phone at home, though, so I’ll text you back after I get home.” I gave him my number and we parted ways, entering our own classrooms. Two numbers in one day? You’re turning into a player, girl. My good mood fizzled a bit when I entered class 1-A, eyes locking with angry vermillion.

“Morning, Winchester!” Kirishima grinned. “Last night was so much fun, let’s play again sometime!”

“Ooh~ What did you two do last night?” Alien asked, clapping her hands excitedly. “And who was that boy? Is he your boyfriend, Winchester?”

Satan, grant me the strength I need to not kill anyone today. “No, he’s just a friend.” I ignored her disappointed pout as I headed for my desk. I was almost there when a hand grabbed my shoulder roughly. Green met vermillion as we stared at each for a moment.

“You didn’t fucking answer my messages,” Bakugo’s voice was surprisingly calm as he gauged my reaction.

“I fell asleep after getting offline,” I lied, keeping my expression blank.

“Why the fuck didn’t you answer when you woke up, then?”

“Forgot my phone,”

“Stop fucking lying to me!”

I grunted, pulling myself from his grip and plopping down at my desk. Why do I suddenly feel so guilty about lying? Why did I even lie in the first place? It had been an instant reaction, I didn’t even consider it. We’re not even friends. He just tolerates me because I do the same for him.

He clicked his tongue in annoyance before stomping back to his desk.

“Hey, you guys! Did you watch the news?” Invisigirl asked, excitedly. “It was so cool that we got a few seconds of screen time. Though I bet nobody noticed me hanging out in the background…”

“Probably not,” Octo agreed.

Tail sweatdropped. “It is difficult to stand out when you’re just gloves…”

“We’re totally big deals.” Sparky’s voice was full of arrogance. “Those news channels love us, we’re basically celebrities!”

“Yeah, it’s kinda crazy, right?”

“Get over yourselves. The hero course that pumps out pros was attacked and that’s what they care about.”

“Who knows what woulda happened to us if the teachers hadn’t shown up.”

“Death. That’s what woulda happened.” I commented, dryly.

“Why’d you say that?!” Grape freaked out, his eyes full of tears. “I’m gonna pee myself just thinking about it!”

My lip curled back in disgust. Why is this fucking brat even in the hero course? I’ve seen more heroism from a fucking cockroach.

“Ah, shut up! Grow a pair, loser!!”

“Did you guys see All Might fighting the bird guy? That guy was super strong and he still destroyed him!”

“Yes, his strength is truly a thing of wonder.”

“Attention! Homeroom class is about to begin! Everyone stop talking and take your seats!” Iida ordered as he stood at the front of the room.

“Uh, we’re all sitting.”

“You’re the only one standing.”

Iida fell into his chair, body shaking. “Dang it,”

“Don’t sweat it,” Ochaco smiled. She’s honestly too precious for this world.

The door slid open and a heavily bandaged Aizawa appeared. His face was still covered, and both arms were in slings across his chest. “Good morning, class.”

⊱ ────── {⋅. 🔥 .⋅} ────── ⊰

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[heyyyharry]

My Girl Series: Chapter 13 - Ghosts

…in which Y/N returns to Holmes Chapel, and Harry is a little too late.

Series description: Y/N falls in love with the older boy next door who doesn’t feel the same, years later they meet again at a funeral.

AU: actor!harry, older!harry, younger!y/n; (4-year age gap)

Chapter 12: I Love You - Y/N wants to face her past, but Harry wants to leave his behind.

Warning: EXTREME angst. 

Idk why I decided to break my own heart and everyone else’s but let’s bear with me for a better future for our babies lmao. Btw, if you guys want a cute happy song to cheer you up, Taylor Swift’s new song ME! fits their relationship very well.

OC version

.

1:45 AM.

Most of the bad decisions in Harry's life by far had been made at this time of the day, when his brain was numb and his defenses were down. It started with teenage Harry throwing pebbles at his crush's window and getting chased by her father, to 24-year-old Harry picking up the call from the person he'd been avoiding for months.

Though his number one advice to himself had always been: 'if you're awake at two in the morning, just go to sleep', it was still something he'd never learned.

Sitting in the swivel chair by the floor-to-ceiling window, Harry looked out at the city, one hand gripping the phone at his ear, the other subconsciously tapping on his knee. The woman on the phone was waiting for his reply, but what she wanted to hear wasn't what he could give.

"H, say something."

A little part of him wanted to end the call and go back to bed where his present and possible future was expecting him, yet there he was, clinging onto the ghost of his past by prolonging that unnecessary conversation that was heading nowhere.

"Can I—" Ruby spoke again when all she could hear was his ragged breathing. "Can I just come over? I need to see you."

"I don't want to see you," he finally said. Judging by the sudden pause, he knew she was taken aback by that stone cold answer.

"I broke things off with him. It's true this time." Her voice trembled just like how she'd told him she would never leave him the night before she left. This might be another one of her easy lies. But why did he keep on listening instead of hanging up?

"We're gonna make an official announcement soon. But I wanted you to hear it from me," she went on to fill in his silence. "Baby, I-I know you won't believe me when I tell you this, but I love you. I still do. As much as I did before. I'm sorry I waited until now to finally end things with James. I guess I was just scared, but I'm not scared anymore. Now I know what I want. And I want us."

That was exactly what Harry had wanted to hear a couple months ago. But everything was different now.

"Rubes," he whispered, eyes squeezed shut as his brows furrowed harder. The sound of her laugh used to take him to heaven, now it only dragged him to hell.

"I missed your voice," Ruby said, funny how a smile could be heard through the phone. "I miss you. Terribly."

He shook his head slowly, afterward smiling to himself as he remembered she couldn't see him.

"Please say something, H. Anything. Let me see you."

His face contorted as she begged him in the most tragic tone he'd ever heard. It was like cleaning your closet and trying to debate if you should throw away the t-shirt you used to love that didn't fit anymore. He wanted her to shut up, but at the same time, didn't have the heart to end the conversation.

"I loved you a lot," he said at last, trying to steady his breathing when he heard her do the same. "I guess...you're always gonna mean something to me."

Ruby released a slight laugh as he took a pause. "But?"

He sighed in response to her voice crack, praying that she wouldn't burst into tears, for he wouldn't know how to cope with it. "I can't do this again, Rubes. Go back to your fiancé. We're over."

"I can't go back to the man I don't love."

"You did once before. Sure you can do it again." He chuckled wryly. "I-I'm very sorry."

She wasn't the woman he loved anymore. She was Ruby Ellis — his co-star, an actress, a stranger. That was who she was to him from now on. And he knew better than to go back to her. However, his heart ached to the thought of never hearing from her again after this call. Now he was so confused. What was it that he wanted?

Ruby didn't say anything, yet he could hear her quiet sobs which were slowly killing him. He pinched the bridge of his nose, holding his breath while waiting impatiently for her reply, which, sadly, never came.

The loud noise at the living room entrance caused his head to spin just in time Y/N caught the vase before it collided with the floor. Her big eyes stared straight at him, and his heart broke in reaction to her expression. Without reluctance, he ended the call with his ex-lover and rose from the chair, keeping eye-contact with Y/N as she took a few steps forward, eyes already filled with tears.

"Ruby?" Her voice was strained. "Ruby Ellis? The actress?"

Harry nodded, eyes glued to the floor. Y/N held her head with both hands, trying to fight the battle of emotions inside her chest as she put two and two together.

"But she'd been with her fiancé for three years." It was more like her talking to herself than to him. "Did she...cheat on him with you?"

Hurt and disbelief was etched on her face, but she still had to ask, expecting a different answer from the truth. However, Harry picked the worst time to finally be honest. He sucked in a breath, nodding his head and finally looking up to meet her eyes.

"We had an affair, but...it was more than that, at least for me. I was in love with her." Harry swallowed hard as he broke their eye-contact. "I couldn't walk away even though we'd tried to call it quit endless of times. She told me she wasn't happy and that she was gonna leave him soon, and I was stupid enough to believe her...until she left me."

Y/N's face fell fast. In that instant her skin became pale, her mouth hung with lips slightly parted and her eyes stretched wide.

"Why didn't you tell me?" She almost choked on her own words, but he wasn't looking at her to see how broken she was. "I told you everything about Blake. I trusted you!"

"You're overreacting," he mumbled and turned away. Immediately, she marched straight towards him and clutched his elbow to force him to look at her.

"What else are you hiding from me, Harry?"

"Are you serious?" He scoffed. "The past is the past. Why are you digging into mine now?"

"Because you can't seem to let it go!" Y/N shook her head fast. "We won't have a healthy relationship if you keep things like this from me."

"But we're not in a relationship, are we?"

Those words which got out on spur of the moment shocked her to the point that she let go of his arm and stumbled two steps back. Harry wasn't even thinking when he blurted out that sentence. He should've stopped there. If only he'd stopped.

"You're not my girlfriend, I don't have to tell you everything. Even if I'd told you, you would've judged me like you do now, just like everyone else!" Harry raised his voice, apparently too out of his mind to even notice the fear in her glistened eyes. "You had one boyfriend and the break up wasn't even that bad. You don't fucking know how awful it feels to give someone everything you’ve got, and still cannot compete with the person who doesn’t love them."

Y/N stared into those green eyes burning with anger. Her heart fell silent.

"Then how do you think I'm feeling right now?"

That question struck Harry like lighting. It was only then that warmth flooded back to his features. Once he saw tears streaming down her pretty face, his entire body went limp and the rapid beating of his heart echoed within his brain. The red mark on her cheek was there to remind him she'd been hurt before, now it was him who caused her more damage. The second lesson that he had never learned, was never to let anger do the talking.

“Blake left me just a week before my mother died, then you came back, you kissed me and left me too...Now put yourself in my shoes, H. Just because your pain was different from mine, it doesn’t mean you had it worse. I hurt too. I was depressed and starved myself for weeks...Is that what you want to hear?”

Trembling and afraid, Harry shook his head fast as he reached for her hands, but she shrugged him off to cover her face and muffle the heartbreaking sobs that were tearing him apart. Although she was standing right there, he couldn't help but feel like she was slipping through his fingers. He quickly clutched her arms, tears shone in his eyes yet she refused to look at him now.

"I’m so sorry...I shouldn’t...I-I don't love her anymore...You have to trust me," he pleaded, tilting his head to catch a glimpse of her face. He watched her shoulders tremble with despair. Finally, she looked up, both pairs of tear-filled eyes staring at one another.

"You don't love me either."

Y/N could see that Harry was taken aback by those words so she gave him a nod to confirm the truth.

"Yes, I knew what I said, Harry. I love you. I thought you just needed more time," she whispered, her brows drew closer together. "But now I know...I can never compete with her."

Harry's heart sank to the pit of his stomach as he heard those words. Y/N stood still, arms glued to her sides. She should feel affection when he held her face, not this, not the discomfort of his cold palms against her skin. She wanted to push him away, but she didn't have any energy left to even flinch.

He shook his head fast, pressing their foreheads together. "Bambi, look at me...You're not here to replace her. I don't love her anymore."

When he repeated those words, she almost believed him. Almost. But she couldn't. Not after what he'd said on the phone. Not after what he'd said to her when he lost his temper.

"But that's not what you meant." She exhaled sharply. "She still has a place in your heart."

"She...I...I don't...I just—" He tried to explain, though the words that got out made absolutely no sense.

"Did she leave you right before you came back for my mother's funeral?" She cut him off, not wanting to be fed with more of his meaningless words. She just wanted solid proofs that she wasn't his rebound, yet there he was, looking startled and hesitating before nodding his head to confirm her fear was real.

"Was she the one who called you after we kissed in the treehouse? The reason you were so eager to leave?"

"It's—"

"Yes or no, Harry."

"Y-Yes."

Now both of them were crying in front of one another. Y/N soon forgot about the mark on her cheek. Not a single slap could compare to this pain she must endure from hearing his confessions.

"One last question. And please be honest with me," she spoke with a breathy voice. "Do you love me?"

Silence.

Utter silence.

He could've said no, and it would've felt less insulting than him giving her silence and reluctance instead. She loved him so much that she wanted to justify for his reaction by saying he'd been hurt before and was terrified by the idea of love, that she could understand. But weren't they both the same? She'd been hurt too. She had every single reason to believe love didn't exist until she looked into his eyes. She had fought all that fear within her just to say those words to him, and meant it. If he couldn't fight for her, if he must have a second thought to decide how he should feel about her, then what was she still doing here?

Harry sucked in a breath when Y/N grabbed both of his hands and removed them from her face.

"Don't be like my dad." Her voice became as fragile as glass. "I love you...but if you don't love me back, you have to let me go."

When Y/N said those words, she did hope that he would change his mind. She did wait. But he didn't speak. And when her time for him had run out, she quietly went back to the bedroom. As for Harry, he was rooted to the spot, still trying to get grip on reality.

It didn't take too long until Y/N returned, now dressed in her own clothes and holding her handbag. He was still standing there, waiting for her to leave him instead of saying those words she'd shrugged off all of her pride to say to him. His face was paler than her ever recalled it being, as if his blood was all shrinking away.

In the blink of an eye, the door fell shut. And she was gone.

.

.

.

When Y/N stumbled out on the street, her eyes flooded with tears and the first person she called was Celine. She just needed to talk to someone or else her heart might combust any minute now. She bit her nails while waiting for her best friend to pick up the phone. Though it took a bit longer than usual, she knew Celine would never miss any of her calls.

"Hey, baby! Wow, I was just about to call you. Talk about being soulmates!"

"Cece, I—"

"I hope you're sitting down right now because your girl has an announcement to make!"

Y/N literally held her breath for that one-second pause.

"I'm engaged!"

When Celine screamed the big news into the phone, her best friend from across the ocean was so shocked she couldn't make a sound. She stood like a corpse on the side of the road, tears in her eyes but she was too afraid her heartbreak would ruin her best friend's happy day.

"Y/N, are you still there?"

"Yeah...I'm here."

"Are you crying?"

Y/N faked a laugh. The last thing she wanted was to make this about herself.

"I can't help it. I'm just so happy for you two," she said, trying to sound as cheerful as she could pretend.

"Aww, my love! Gosh, I wish you were here with us." Celine giggled. "Oh, why did you call by the way?"

"I just missed you, that's all." Y/N pressed her lips together, taking a deep breath. "Hey, something just came up, I gotta go now. I'll call you another time, yeah? Then we can spend hours talking about this."

"Oh, we certainly will! Love you, baby."

"Love you too, baby."

When that phone call came to an end, Y/N sank even deeper into depression.

How could it be?

In less than twelve hours, everything had been taken away from her. She had prided herself on being independent and laughed in the faces of the ones who needed the company of another to feel fulfilled. Here she was, completely lost with no one to turn to, not even herself. So she kept on walking, letting her tears fall and her feet lead the way. Maybe when the sun rose in a few hours, everything would be alright.

If only it'd been that easy.

The rain came without warning. It started out with little droplets, and the next second it was a torrential downpour, washing over her skin so strongly that it felt as if she was standing under a giant waterfall. Y/N didn't have an umbrella with her, so the only thing she could do was cover her head with the handbag and attempt to call a taxi on the phone. Due to unfortunate carelessness, the device slipped out of her grip and fell right into the puddle on the pavement, causing Y/N to literally scream out a curse word. There wasn't anyone around to think she was insane anyway.

The phone was dripping in rainwater when she picked it up, thus only magic could get it to work again. This time, instead of risking her life to run home, she dashed to find cover under a roof nearby, just in time two headlights appeared through the thick water curtain.

A car pulled over in front of Y/N. The familiar voice grabbed her attention right before she could recognize the person in the driver seat.

"Get in!" Marcy shouted as she tapped on the window.

This woman would be the last person Y/N wanted to be around at a moment like this, but she was given no other choice. It was either being safe in the car with the crazy person who'd slapped her, or risking standing there and getting swept away by the thunderstorm. Any sane person would've chosen the former in a heartbeat.

Immediately, Y/N got into the passenger seat and heaved a heavy sigh as she slammed the door shut, trying to catch her breath with her head back tossed back and eyes shut. Marcy quickly turned back to grab something from the backseat.

"Here." She wrapped the huge blanket around Y/N's body, stroking both of her arms to keep her warm.

"Why do you have a huge ass blanket in your car?"

"I get cold easily." Marcy rolled her eyes, although she did find it amusing how Y/N was more shocked by the blanket, than the fact that she'd showed up just in time to rescue her from the storm.

"Better?" Asked the blonde as she drove away in the rain, taking a quick glance at her future stepdaughter whose eyes were still shut, too lost in her own head to even hear that one-word question.

"How did you find me?" Y/N asked once she'd calmed down.

"It was pure luck I guess," replied Marcy. "I was driving around the city looking for you, and when it began to rain I was about to give up, then I saw you on the side of the road."

Y/N didn't say anything, instead, she turned her head to the left. Water droplets hit the car window as they drove onwards. She watched those raindrops race down, somehow finding a little bit of peace and calmness in the loud and chaotic storm.

Now that the heavy shower had washed away his scent on her body, she didn't want to go back anymore. She didn't even want to return to her flat where everywhere she looked reminded her of him. Now she had no other place to go but one.

"Are you heading back to Holmes Chapel?" She asked Marcy, who was taken aback by the sudden question.

"Uh...yeah, but I can drop you off—"

"No." She shook her head, staring at the road ahead instead of the woman in the driver seat. "Just keep on driving."

.

.

.

Harry completely lost track of time, which seemed to fly faster as he was lost in his own thoughts. Maybe he would've continued sitting there on his sofa and replaying Y/N's words over and over again in his head until he passed out from exhaustion, if the sound of thunder hadn't dragged him back to reality.

His head turned to the glass window when the rain started to pour. All that he could see was a thick curtain of water and the hazy city light hidden underneath it. His heart stopped for a second when he recalled the accident which left Y/N with a sprained ankle. He couldn't show up to help her then, now she was out in the rain because of him.

If something bad happened to her...

Harry quickly rose up as the thought briefly crossed his mind, just in time his phone began to ring. The name Ruby appeared on the screen again, but this time, he didn't even care. It was funny and sad at the same time, how the moment of realization always came a bit too late.

What had he done?

Not until then did it occur to Harry that his Bambi had left him for good. He'd officially lost her.

Now that she was gone, he missed her, he needed her, he worried about her. Now that he knew there was a high chance that he could never get her back, it felt as if he was bleeding internally. The pain couldn't compare to when Ruby left him, no, it was much worse. It tore his chest opened. If something bad happened to her tonight, how could he possibly live with himself?

What had he done?

Harry ran fast to his bedroom to throw on a pair of jeans and the t-shirt she'd left on his bed, which still smelt like her. He returned to the living room and grabbed an umbrella before heading out as fast as possible. He rushed to the street, gasping for air as the raindrops hit his cold skin. Even with an umbrella above his head, Harry couldn't save his clothes from getting soaked just in less than a minute. But it was the least of his concerns now. He turned left, then right, mouth agape, eyebrows knitted together. There was not a single person or car in sight. Where was she? Where was his Bambi?

He dialed her number but he couldn't reach her. She either had him blocked or her phone turned off, whichever it was, he wasn't sure if she was safe, and he couldn't rest knowing she was somewhere out there in this pouring rain, all on her own.

He must go find her now.

What had he done?

.

.

.

It was a long drive back to Holmes Chapel, for no vehicle could go fast in this kind of weather. The more time it took the more uncomfortable it got for the two young women in this car.

Marcy inhaled deeply as she stole another glance at Y/N, who had been so quiet that Marcy felt like it would be a crime if she breathed a bit too loud. She thought it might be for the best if she just kept silent and her eyes on the road. However, it was hard to ignore the mark on Y/N's cheek. Although it looked better now than before, it reminded Marcy of what she'd done. And she'd been tormenting herself over it from the night before.

After a couple seconds of contemplating, she finally spoke up, "About what happened in the store..." She paused to clear her throat. "I-I'm very sorry. I shouldn't have—"

"Don't bother," Y/N cut her off, speaking in a monotone. The girl couldn't sound any less indifferent, not her usual aggressive and sarcastic tone. That was how Marcy knew it had a lot to do with the big reason behind her wanting to go back to Holmes Chapel. Marcy was just too afraid to ask.

"After all," Y/N went on, this time sounding breathless. "My father was the one who took the ring from my mother, not you."

"But..." Marcy sucked in a deep breath. "But he didn't take the ring back."

This time, Y/N finally turned to look at her, eyes broadened at once. Marcy kept her focus on the road, yet her expression hardened as if what she was about to say was going to be very brutal to the young girl sitting next to her.

"On the night of the accident, before your mother left, she gave it back to him."

"W-What?"

"Your father asked me not to tell you this but...I think you deserve to know the truth." Marcy sighed, tightening her grip on the steering wheel. "Your parents had planned on getting divorced two months prior to Tam's death. I-I had nothing to do with it, I don't even know the reason. It wasn't until after she'd left that Brad and I began to grow feelings for each other. But everyone blames me for their fight, for her accident. I guess that was why I got so fed up with your attitude and—" Marcy blinked fast, shaking her head in guilt. "I'm not trying to justify my action, because I know it was wrong. But I didn't mean to hurt you on purpose."

Y/N didn't expect any of that. Besides the divorce, nothing else seemed to make sense. Why did her mother take off the ring that she loved more than herself? What was it that they were arguing about that night?

She had hoped that Marcy was just lying, yet for someone with such a troubled past, she would be able to tell if someone was spilling out lies. Therefore she was sure Marcy had said exactly what she knew. Now Y/N felt like she knew nothing at all, not even her mother, the one she loved most.

"You should take a nap. I'll wake you up when we're almost home," Marcy said with a smile.

Now that the rain was over, the sky glowed like a summer peach and the sun slowly emerged from the skyline as tall buildings rose out of the darkness. Y/N's heart was at peace once again, knowing she would be home soon.

But as she closed her eyes to get some rest, all that she could see was him.

.

.

.

"Bambi! Please, open the door if you're in there!" Harry knocked more urgently this time as he tried to catch his breath and fight back the tears. His voice was hoarse from pleading for her to let him in. It had been a while, and now he began to think she wasn't there.

The first golden light of the new day snuck through the little window near the ceiling into the hallway, blinding Harry for a second as if to let him know that the sun had come once again. How often we saw the dawn and took it for granted, that when darkness took over we suddenly craved for the light and the life it brought to our world? Same as Y/N. Now that she was gone, he finally realized what he'd lost.

Harry sat down on the floor with his back against her front door, head in his hands. Their last conversation soon came back to haunt him, and so was the look on her face when he let her go. He knew he deserved that. He was unworthy of her love. But now that he'd lost his ray of sunshine, how could he live with this cold?

In just a minute, Harry's eyes dripped with tears as he gazed toward the window above, as if the light could soothe him. His face twisted and his fists clenched so tight he could feel the sweat trapped inside them. He looked like the same distressed little boy who'd lost the stuffed bunny and the girl he loved. It would take more than a black eye and losing his captain armband to win her back this time.

But right now, he just wanted to know if she was safe. He wiped his tears and pulled out his phone, quickly making a call to the only person he knew would be able to help.

"Hello?" Isaac answered after five seconds. His sleepy voice was evident that he was barely awake.

"Mate...did Y/N come to you, or at least contact you?"

"No. What's wrong? Did something happen to her?" Just like him, his best friend sounded overly distraught.

"We had a fight and she ran off in the rain and...I'm right outside her place right now but she's not home yet."

"She didn't answer your calls?"

"No." Harry sighed, combing his fingers through his hair. "Maybe if you call her, she'll pick up."

"Alright. I'll text you if I know where she is."

"Thank you. I-I appreciate that."

Isaac hummed as a reply and hung up the phone. Harry sat there with his head tossed back, resting against the door, his eyes on the ceiling. Now he was too stressed to even get on with his day and act like nothing was wrong when everything was. But if he continued to sit there for too long, one of Y/N's neighbors might report him, or even worse, someone could start a false rumor that might damage her reputation. Sighing, he pushed himself off the floor to stand up straight, one palm pressed against the wall to keep his balance.

"Hey, you!"

When Harry heard that voice, his head jerked in its direction where he found an old lady walking up the stairs.

"Hi, ma'am," he mumbled, pressing his lips into a small smile as she approached him. But the woman couldn't look more irritated.

"You're dating the girl in that flat, right?"

Harry parted his lips, not knowing how to answer, but he assumed the old woman must be Mrs. Huang, the angry neighbor who kept complaining about him and Y/N having sex a bit too loud. She didn't even need a response from him, and just went straight into the point, handing him the pink notebook which he hadn't noticed that she'd been holding until now.

"She dropped this yesterday. Maybe you can give it back to her."

"Oh...thank you."

Mrs. Huang eyed at the young man from head to toes, making him think she might begin to lecture him on how to not disturb the neighbors. However, what she said to him was this.

"Ever since you came around, I've seen her sing a different song every day when she leaves the building. As annoying as she might be sometimes, that girl seems to be head over heels for you." Then the woman sighed happily, her wrinkles became more visible now that she was smiling at him. "I miss being young and in love with someone. Hold onto it while you still can, alright?"

When Mrs. Huang patted him on the arm and returned to her home, Harry looked down at the pink notebook in his hand. And in a few seconds, all the memories flooded back and the different images of her beautiful smile flashed right through his mind. At that moment, he realized, the goodbye wasn't supposed to be the hardest part, it was the flashbacks that followed right after.

Every single day he'd spent with Ruby had been filled with fear and anxiety, which he'd mistook for passion. But Y/N was his medicine. When he was with her, the pain stopped. She made him feel safe even though their relationship had never been solid, and with her, he could get away from the chaotic of his world to find real peace.

After getting soaked in the rain, his old t-shirt no longer smelt like his Bambi, which meant he had nothing left of her to keep, not even her scent. Now he missed her with a pain in his guts like a fire burning slow.

Had he been brave enough to just face his fear and accept the fact that it was love. It wasn't anything like the love he'd had for Ruby, but it was love. Otherwise, he wouldn't have trembled every time she called his name, his knees wouldn't have gone weak every time he caught her smiling at him, he wouldn't have spent most of the time during a day thinking, fantasizing, daydreaming about her.

If it wasn't love, what else could it be?

In his heart, he retracted all the terrible things he had said to her. He'd learned his lessons the hard way, but not soon enough for the two of them.

.

.

.

"Your sim card is okay, but I'm gonna have to take your phone to the repair store. Meanwhile, you can use my old Blackberry, it still works pretty damn fine."

Y/N pressed her lips into a small smile as she took the phone from her dad, sitting down on the edge of her bed with a blanket wrapped around her now dry and warm body. Bradford stood there for a moment to make sure his daughter didn't need anything else. He was debating with himself whether or not he should ask about why she'd come back. But once he saw the look on her face as she acted busy with the device, he took it as a cue to leave her alone for now.

Once her bedroom door was shut, Y/N finally lifted her eyes as sadness clouded her features at once. She carefully looked around the room. There was a strange melancholy feeling in her heart to be back in her childhood home after two years. Everything looked almost the same as the day she left for college, but it didn't feel the same because she was the one who'd changed.

Through that window, she used to secretly watch Harry return home from school every day. In this bed, he used to hold her as they both fell asleep on nights when her parents were both out of town, and her irresponsible aunt didn't care if there was a boy in her room. On that desk, she'd written countless pages about him, for him, that he might never get to read. She looked around this room and all she could see were their ghosts lurking in every single corner.

After all those years, the boy next door was still so far out of reach. And she was still the same fourteen-year-old pining over her older neighbor who didn't love her in return. That bitter truth made her eyes well up, but she was too old to live in Wonderland anymore. It was time for her to go back.

The new ringtone blasted from the old phone shocked Y/N to the point that she almost tossed her dad's Blackberry across the room. Fortunately, she didn't. She sighed in relief the second the name Isey appeared on the screen. Wiping away her tears, she pressed answer immediately.

"H-Hi..." Y/N exhaled a nervous laugh, hoping he wasn't able to tell what a wreck she was. But he already knew that when he decided to call.

"Smiley, are you okay? Where are you? Are you safe? Are you with someone?"

"I'm fine. What's going on?" Then the answer just appeared in her head on its own. Her smile faded soon as realization sank in. Her voice was soft and careful as she questioned, "what did Harry tell you?"

"That you two got into a fight and you ran off in the storm."

Y/N scoffed, looking down and shaking her head slightly. "It's no big deal really."

"What happened?"

"Well..." She pursed her lips, trying to come up with a white lie good enough to convince him she was okay. "We just had a small disagreement and, yeah, like we always do. It's not that big of a deal."

"I still think you should call him back," Isaac said. She could imagine the frown upon his face. "He was so worried."

"Hmm," she hummed, pressing her lips to form a straight line, not knowing what else to say.

"Where are you now?"

"I'm...in Holmes Chapel."

"What are you doing there?"

Hiding.

"I'm back for my father's wedding in two days." She chuckled nervously, eyes glancing at the spinning fan above her head. "Don't you worry about me."

There was a long pause from Isaac's side when all she could hear was his soft yet heavy breathing. She wished she could tell him what had happened, but neither her heart nor her head agreed it was a good idea to confide in Harry's best friend. So she just sat in silence and waited for him to speak. Eventually, he did.

"If you're sad, just say so."

Y/N nodded in response to those words, yet she soon realized that he couldn't see her so she quietly reassured him that she was fine. Though Isaac could probably tell she only said that so he would stop worrying about her, he was nice enough to not call her out for being a terrible liar.

"Look, I gotta go now..." She said fast, her brows pinched together as her eyes squeezed shut. "Talk to you another time?"

"Alright." He let out a short breath. "Have a great day, Smiley."

"Wait! One more thing!"

"Yeah?" His light chuckle caused her to smile a bit.

"Please don't tell Harry I'm here...I'm gonna talk to him myself when I'm ready."

"Okay."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

Knowing that Isaac always kept his words, Y/N trusted him entirely as she muttered a goodbye and waited for him to hang up first.

She put her phone down, staring at the window where came the new daylight welcoming her back to the small town of Holmes Chapel. The girl smiled sadly as she curled up in a ball on her childhood bed, her eyes fell shut in an instant. The exhaustion caused her body to hang limp like wet laundry on a winter day, now every one of her muscles was giving into gravity.

Taking a deep breath, she could feel the sorrow in her chest waiting to take over, yet the fear didn't seem to exist like many times before. She knew the feeling of losing someone she loved, physically, emotionally, or both; and knowing it probably made it less scary. But what was worse than fear was the emptiness that followed when that someone was gone. She was learning how to deal with it, but slowly.

[foxyotomelady]

Another love, Chapter II (JuminxReader)

Author’s notes:

I don't really have anything to say, lol.

Just be aware of: strong language, slightly angst, my poor grammar, many emoticons, I love creating these chat rooms, lol.

Chapter I  | Chapter II (You are here) | Chapter III |  Chapter IV | Chapter V | Chapter VI | Chapter VII | Chapter VIII | Chapter IX | Chapter X | Chapter XI | Chapter XII | Chapter XIII | Chapter XIV |

Buy Me A Ko-Fi Have a nice reading!

Jumin woke up earlier than usual to take care of a few things regarding Y/N’s residence in his apartment. For some reason, which he did not fully understand yet, he really hoped she would stay for longer. When she hugged him last night... It was a strange and new feeling. It was nice, but also... horrifying. He did not want her to stop. He wanted her to stay with him in the room, he wanted her to sleep in his bed, in his embrace... His thoughts began to escape into very dangerous areas. He had to control himself not to become the beast of which Zen spoke.

When he was ready to go to work, he could not help but look into the bedroom. Y/N was still asleep. His heart twitched at the sight of her slender body sprawled loosely on his bed. His shirt in which she was dressed curled up around her waist, her thighs were completely exposed. His heart started pounding as he moved his gaze over her shapely legs. He felt that he shouldn't be doing this. It was very inappropriate. But he could not stop.

The meowing Elizabeth the 3rd snatched him from his thoughts. She came to him and brushed against his legs, "Shhh ... You wake her up," He whispered to the cat and scratched her behind the ear. Then he left a note - that he had prepared earlier - on the bedside table. He really did not want to go to work…

Your POV

When you woke up, you were in shock for a moment. Slowly, however, you remembered what happened yesterday and why you are in Jumin's apartment and in his shirt... When you regained your mind's cleanliness, you noticed the note on the bedside table. You took it in your hand, curious what may it say. I'm sorry, but I had to leave you, though I do not feel like going to work today. I informed the chef to prepare anything you wish. I'm leaving you his number, so do not hesitate to call him as soon as you get hungry. I also informed the bodyguard that you are in my apartment and that he is to make sure that nobody worries you. I've ordered clothes for you, I hope I've guessed your size well. Please stay until evening and wait for me. Then we'll talk about what you want to do next. Jumin. You read it all in great shock. His generosity overwhelmed you. He treated you like some kind of princess... But you could not stay here. You did not want to abuse his courtesy, and besides, you had to decide what to do next with all this situation. Elizabeth jumped onto the bed and meowed. 

"What should I do?" You asked her. Jumin really did a lot for you, maybe it would not be polite to ignore his request and just leave without saying goodbye.

Suddenly you heard a knock on the door. You quickly got out of bed, fixed your shirt and ran to the door. You opened it with hesitation. The bodyguard who stood there looked at you with wide eyes, but immediately assumed an indifferent expression on his face. 

"Ms. Y/N, a package for you." 

"Thank you ..." You mumbled, embarrassed when it reached you, what this man must have thought of seeing you in Jumin's shirt and in your messy hair.

You closed the door and carried the package to the bedroom to put it on the bed. It was quite big but not too heavy. You opened it and again your jaw dropped a little in surprise. You started to pull clothes out of it, one after another... Elegant shorts, blouses, skirts... Everything looked very expensive. And this dress... Was it silk?! There were also two pairs of very nice shoes in the package... Were they decorated with diamonds?! You got hot when you discovered that there is also a set of underwear at the bottom of the package. It was modest underwear, but still…

You sat down on the bed and tried to collect your thoughts. Why Jumin was so... Maybe he wanted you to feel better after what happened to you, and the only thing that came to his mind is to solve this problem with money. You got a little sad, this man did not know how to deal with comforting friends... You could not just reject his efforts, but... it was too much. You opened the chat room, but no one was logged in. You did not want to disturb Jumin at work, you've used enough of his time already.

[Y/N has entered the chat room] 

You: Jumin, when you’ll read this message: thank you very much for your generosity, but it's too much. These clothes look very expensive. I can't accept them. My own clothes have already dried up. Please, send back all these beautiful things. 

[707 has entered the chat room] 

707: 

707: oh my! 

707: Juju! 

707: You get to the point quickly! 

707: 

707: She has not even broken up with her boyfriend yet 

You: Seven, stop fooling around 

You: besides of course it's the end between me and Yuwoon 

You: I do not want to know him

707: 

707: but it is not fair!

707: Jumin got to you first and did not give us any chances

You: -_-

You: What do you not understand, Seven?

[Zen has entered the chat room] 

Zen: 

Zen: He bought you clothes?

Zen: And what does it mean that your clothes have already dried up? 

You: Sigh... I was running in the rain yesterday, Zen. Of course my clothes were soaked. I had to dry them.

Zen: Oh, I understand ^^ 

Zen: WAIT

Zen: Does it mean you had to take off those clothes?!

707: oh, my my

707:

You: yes, I had to -_- ' isn't it obvious?

Zen: so what did you wear to sleep?!

You: Jumin gave me his shirt. 

Zen: ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

707: This is getting more and more interesting lolololol

[Jumin Han has entered the chat room]

Jumin Han: good morning, Y/N

Jumin Han: How was your sleep?

Jumin Han: 

Zen: 

Zen: Are you going to ignore everything we just said?

Jumin Han: Yes.

Zen:

You: I slept very well, but Jumin, these clothes... I can't take them.

Jumin Han: Of course you can.

Jumin Han: Have you tried them on yet? They fit? 

Zen: dude ;;; how do you know her size?

Jumin Han: I don't. That's why I'm asking.

You: Jumin... This is really too much...

Jumin Han: I must admit you looked cute in my shirt

Zen: the hell

Jumin Han: But you can't wear it all the time.

You: ahaha thank you Jumin ^^

Zen: THE HELL

Zen: do not thank him, Y/N!

Zen: He's acting weird!

You: no, he's not

Jumin Han: I'm just trying to be nice to the lady :3

Zen:

You: Maybe I should try them on...

707: send us a picture! >.-

Zen: you two are perverted!

Jumin Han: What do you mean perverted?

Jumin Han: What kind of weird thoughts are you having in your mind right now?

707: lolololol

707: it's you who are perverted Zenny!

Zen: 

Zen: That's not true!

You: ahaha, I'm starting to feel better 

You: thank you for making me laugh, lol

You: but Jumin, how can I repay for your generosity?

Jumin Han: I already told you: you don't have to

Jumin Han: but I would like to ask you for something

Jumin Han: Can you feed Elizabeth the 3rd? I forgot about that.

707: 

Zen: 

You: Of course I can ^^

707: 

707: my poor Elly ~ 

Jumin Han: It's Elizabeth the 3rd. 

707: How could you forget to feed her?! 

707: Juju, you monster! 

Zen: You forget to feed your damn cat? 

Zen: It's unlike you... 

Jumin Han: she will be fine, I entrust her to Y/N.

Zen: WHAT IS HAPPENING

Zen: moreover, why are you even still there, Y/N?!

You: I didn't decide what I want to do next yet. I think I'll stay here till the evening at least.

Jumin Han: oh, so you're fulfilling my request.

Jumin Han: I’m glad.

Jumin Han: 

Zen: REQUEST?

707: oh oh oh, how bossy, Mr. Director

707: I got chills >.<

Jumin Han: Excuse me, I must leave

Jumin Han: I'm in the middle of the meeting.

Jumin Ham: Make yourself at home, Y/N.

[Jumin Han has left the chat room]

Zen: 

Zen: are you sure about all of this, Y/N?

Zen: He's acting really weird... ;;;

You: I think it's rather you two who are acting weird -_-

707: it’s because

707: we’re jelly T-T

Zen: There is nothing to be jealous about!

You: You two are taking this whole situation the wrong way

You: Jumin’s just trying to be nice

You: btw, when are you planning to apologize to him, Zen?

Zen: Ugh

Zen: He didn't look like he still care what I said yesterday

You: But it doesn’t change the fact that you behaved like you know who? 

You: Like a jerk! 

707: lolololol nagging~

You: He deserves to be nagged

Zen: I'm so sorry ;;;

You: TELL

You: THAT

You: TO JUMIN -_-

707: Defender of Justice must log off now!

707: I can't let my brother Saeran be lonely!

707: Kiss Elly for me, Y/N ( ˘ ³˘)♥ 

[707 has left the chat room]

Zen: I must go too

Zen: If this creepy man will try to do anything

Zen: CALL ME!

[Zen has left the chat room]

Jumin’s Pov

He came back from work, enjoying the strange feeling that someone would be waiting for him at home. And it will not be a cat. How long did he lie to himself that the presence of a cat would be enough for him? 

When he came to his apartment, Y/N was there to meet him. She looked captivating in the red dress he had bought for her. She also put on her new shoes, flat heels, her feet must still hurt. 

"Hello, Jumin. How was your day?" 

He stared at her and barely took his words out of his throat, "It fits."

She looked at herself, embarrassed, "Yes, you have a good eye. Thank you again." 

"No problem. You look wonderful."

"Who wouldn't in that dress?" She laughed.

"That's not true. I chose it, because I was sure it'd be perfect just for you," Why are you saying this? But it's true, He was arguing with himself in his mind and she was looking at him with wide eyes. His comment certainly surprised her. Jumin cleared his throat, "I'm sorry, I got carried away. Have you eaten yet?" 

"I've been waiting for you. I thought I would repay you for everything with dinner together." 

"It's very nice of you. I will be happy to accompany you. "

"You're always so formal, Jumin," She giggled as they headed to the kitchen. "But it's cute."

"Cute?" Nobody ever spoke about him this way. 

"Yes, I've always considered you cute."

"I... do not know what to say." 

"Oh, I made Jumin Han speechless! Thank you will be enough." 

"Then thank you." Before they sat at the table, he contacted the chef to prepare a portion for two. For this reason, it took him more time than usual to prepare the proper meal.

"Have you thought what you want to do?" Jumin asked. "I just want to tell you that it won't be a problem for me if you stay here longer."

"Thank you, Jumin, but-" Her phone, which she's been holding on her knees, vibrated. She frowned. "I don't know this number. Hello? Who is it?" Her face suddenly became pale. "Yuwoon?" Jumin gulped, clenched his hands in fists. Anger overtook him. "Who's number it is? I've blocked yours. No, I don't want to talk to you. It's not your business where I'm." Her voice was icily but started to crack. "I... Please, stop..." Jumin could not stand it. He got up from his seat and took the phone from her hand. She did not protest. 

"Hello, this is Jumin Han." 

There was silence on the other side of the phone. Jumin frowned, sighed irritably, "Yuwoon, yes? What do you want from her?" 

"I'm her goddamn boyfriend!" The man suddenly shouted loudly. "I want to know where she is!" 

"I believe that you stopped being her boyfriend when you cheated on her," Jumin answered calmly but harshly. 

"Bullshit, and it has nothing to do with you! Let me talk to her! She ran into your arms to cheer herself up?! " 

"I advise you not to try to contact her anymore, otherwise, I will have to take certain steps, and it will not end well for you. Have a nice evening."

He hung up and gave her the phone. Her hands were trembling, her eyes dull. 

"I'm sorry, Jumin... I think I'm going to cry again." 

He crouched opposite her so that he would look at her, "Please, don't." 

"I know he doesn't deserve my tears... But when I heard his voice ...Everything came back... We used to be so happy together... And then... No, damn it! I have it in front of my eyes again!" 

Jumin approached her slowly, and just as she did it for him yesterday evening, he hugged her gently. She immediately returned his embrace and buried her face in his shoulder, sobbing.

Jumin stroked her hair, drawing more pleasure from it than he should. He pressed her closer to himself. His hands touched her skin, which was revealed by the cut of the dress on the back. Y/N shuddered in his arms and withdrawn her head away cautiously. She looked at him with eyes that were red from tears. Their faces were so close to each other that their breaths were mixed into one. He took her face in his hands and wiped her tears with his thumbs. Her gaze went to his lips, her cheeks flushed. His breath stopped in his lungs for a moment. He also glanced at her lips and then at her eyes, seeking permission in them.

Suddenly the doorbell rang. Jumin squeezed his eyelids, exhaled with irritation and anger. Y/N almost jumped from him, clearly did not know where to look.

"It's probably food," Jumin announced and straightened up.

Your POV

Your heart was pounding wildly as Jumin moved away to the other room. Did you just... Did he just... You almost kissed. You sat back in the chair at the table and rubbed your warm face with your hands. What did you think? It could not happen! Your heart still ached, wound after Yuwoon's betrayal hasn't healed yet. You could not use Jumin kindness to fill the hole that your ex-boyfriend left behind in your soul. It just was not fair. His generosity, care, and kindness quickly overwhelmed you. It was hard to resist him when he was like this. But why did he want to kiss you? Did he get carried away by the moment and emotions? Did he have feelings for you? If that was the case, then all the more you couldn't use him like that!

Jumin came back with a tray of food that he placed on the table in front of you. You could not bring yourself to look at him. The dish that you had before you looked wonderful and smelled wonderful, but you knew that you would have to force yourself to swallow anything.

Jumin sat down on the opposite side of the table, "Shall we eat?" He asked as if nothing happened.

You nodded and you both started to eat in silence. In such a deep silence that you were afraid that he could hear your heart, beating loudly.   

"Would you like to drink wine with me?" Jumin asked suddenly, and without waiting for your answer, he got up from the table. You watched him reaching for the wine hidden in the top cupboard. He also took two glasses and after a while, all this was on the table.   

He poured the wine into both glasses and returned to his seat. You heard him raise his glass, felt his intense gaze on you, "After what occurred, I think it'll be wise for you to stay at my apartment for a while," He stated.   

You blinked and you finally looked at him. You felt shivers on your back. His face was different than usual - there was something dark and cold on it.

"What... What do you mean?" You asked in a trembling voice.

"That man... Yuwoon. He is quite persistent. I do not think he'll leave you in peace soon. You'll be safe with me. He will not reach you here."

"Jumin..." You started carefully. "He has hurt me, it's true, he broke my heart, it's true, but he's not dangerous, he has never hurt me physically."

Jumin frowned, "You are sure that it will not change now? You can not know it, he has already failed your trust, and you may be mistaken about this case too. Besides, do you really feel ready to go back to that apartment of yours?"

You sighed, "No. But I have to go there eventually, to take my things at least."

"I can go with you, you will be safer if I accompany you."

"Yes, thank you." You smiled and looked into his eyes, looking for the warmth and kindness that you always saw in them. "But Jumin... Is it really okay for me to stay here longer? Others are already seeing it in a strange way."

"I don't care," He said sharply.

"That is not true. I know you, Jumin. I know you care about them all."

"I care about them, yes. But I don't care about their opinion. All the more if it concerns you.”

You sighed again, resting your chin on your hand, "Zen will be furious if I stay here."

Something twitched on Jumin's face, his features sharpened, "I do not care," He repeated emphatically, "Zen simply cannot understand."

"And what should he understand?" You took a sip of wine to give yourself some courage.

"How deeply I care about you, how much I want to protect you, I think I don't even understand it myself, but I know I want to have you close to me." After these words, he also drank wine, and you stared at him, your heart beating hard. You had no idea what to say. You both have always been close, from all of RFA members he was your best friend. But you did not expect to hear such words from him.

"I don't want to impose on you," He continued. "I don't want to destroy our friendship. After V left, only you can understand me, I always thought Elizabeth the 3rd could do it best, but I only lied to myself, and I understood it when you appeared in my life. "

"Jumin-"

"Can we make a deal?"

"A deal?" You raised your eyebrows.

"I know it may sound selfish, but can you stay here until I understand my feelings? And you also need time to feel better, at least I guess so."

On his face, in the way his hand trembled, clenched on a glass of wine, you saw that Jumin was not himself. That something is happening to him that he can't quite deal with.

You reached across the table for his other hand. He looked at you in shock, "Okay, I'll stay with you here if it's going to help you sort your thoughts."

Jumin slowly put down a glass of wine and grabbed your hand in both of his, "Do you really want to stay? It will not be uncomfortable for you?"

You shook your head, "But tomorrow I would like to go for my stuff. I appreciate that you bought everything for me, but-"

"Keep these things for yourself, please, of course, we will also go to your place for your clothes and other stuff tomorrow, but keep what I gave you as a gift."

You took a deep breath. Of course, all he bought for you was beautiful and you would be lying if you said it did not fit your taste, but... it was so expensive, so luxurious!

"Alright, but I do not want you to buy me anything more."

"Shall we continue?" He ignored you, pointed at the food and picked up the glass again.

***

After eating dinner and a few glasses of wine, you took a shower and went to bed. Elizabeth was accompanying you again, Jumin was in the guest room. There was a race of thoughts in your head. Lying on your stomach, you looked at the phone. Yoosung was in the chat room. After what happened to Rika, it took some time before the boy became a happy version of himself again.

[Y/N has entered the chat room] You: Yoosung! You're still up? Playing LOLOL?

Yoosung:

Yoosung: Yes! I just got a very rare item!

Yoosung: 

Yoosung: but Y/N, you're at Jumin's place?

You: Yes.

Yoosung: I read what had happened.

Yoosung: I'm so sorry T-T

Yoosung: Yuwoon is so stupid, cheating on someone like you!

Yoosung: 

You: Thank you, Yoosung, but can we please don't talk about it?

Yoosung: sure, I understand ^.-

[Jaehee Kang has entered the chat room]

Jaehee Kang: Y/N, you are still at Mr. Han's apartment?

You: Here we go again...

You: Yes, I'm still at his place. What about it?

Jaehee Kang: Don't you think it's a little unwise?

You: You’re all just overreacting.

You: Jumin is my friend, like all of you.

You: I feel good here, I'm not ready to go back to my apartment yet. Tomorrow, I will definitely go there for my things, but only for this, only for a moment.

You: Besides, Jumin asked me for a favor and I'm going to fulfill it because he deserved it after he helped me.

Jaehee Kang: 

Jaehee Kang: I hope you know what you're doing

Jaehee Kang: You are both adults, so…

You: Yes, we are both adults, so can you let us make our own decisions?

[Jumin Han has entered the chat room]

Jumin Han: Y/ N

Jumin Han: How strange to talk to you here when you're right behind the wall

You: hahah, you're right, Jumin ^^

Yoosung: So why don't you just go to her?

Jumin Han: I do not think it's wise at this hour.

You: Um... ^^ '

Yoosung: Oh, you're such a gentleman, Jumin >.<

Jaehee Kang: 

Jaehee Kang: Mr. Han, are you sure that it will not affect your work? And the company?

Jaehee Kang: You know how media are these days.

Jaehee Kang: If someone sees you in a company of woman, moreover, if someone sees that this woman sleeps in your apartment...

Jaehee Kang: Gossips will spread immediately.

Jumin Han: Y/N, how about pancakes for breakfast tomorrow?

Yoosung: lol, he just ignored you, Jaehee

Jaehee Kang: 

[do-what-the-knight-tells-you]

Elements from the Broadchurch novelization that were of particular interest::

- Ellie is a bit uncomfortable returning to work because her “suit feels strange after three weeks in a bikini and sarong”. You go get it, Ellie. Anyone wanting to write confident-and-body-positive-knows-she’s-got-dem-curves Ellie, here’s your semi-canonical backing. mother of two, rockin’ a bikini. Excellent.

- Although the division of work/responsibility between her and Joe worked for them, Ellie Worries that ppl will “think he is emasculated”, or that he will begin to feel “emasculated”, so while “the other wives are on the phone begging their husbands to come home in time to put the kids to bed, she is virtually throwing him out of the house and into the pub”, really trying to encourage him to hang with the guys or whatever, whenever the opportunity presents itself.

- Hardy is already on the edge when we first see him, talking to the farmer whose tractor has had its gas siphoned. He’s carefully staying away from the edge of the cliff, scared it’s going to induce vertigo and heart palpitations.

- The sections that are a close POV on Hardy have way more detail about the Sandbrook case than was originally clear in S1 (I assume, because the book was published after the bulk of the writing/story construction stuff was finished for S2). For instance, When Hardy is first inspecting Danny’s room, he’s struggling, trying not to think about [Pippa]’s room (she’s not named here, but it’s clear that’s the child he’s referring to). in the midst of this turmoil, he notices the height measurements on danny’s doorframe, and is overcome by the realization that there will never be any more above them. And then there are these heart-wrenching sentences: “For some people, tears dam behind the eyeballs. But when Hardy wants to cry, he has to hold them in using the back of his throat. He sometimes feels it’s the only strong muscle in his body.” yeah, c’mon, just fuck me up.

- Maggie being into women is present from the beginning here! She has a partner, Lil, whom we see/meet several times! First time she is referenced is when Rev. Paul Coates invites Maggie and everyone to that first church service about Danny. She mentions that a predecessor of his made it clear she was unwelcome there, once. He assures her that’s not him, and that she is welcome, and Lil too. She says something like “as it should be, “ and ends the convo without indicating whether or not she will come. Excellent.

- At one point the inside of Ellie’s car is compared to the inside of a bin/trash can, with empty cans and food wrappers strewn about. This further reinforces my theory that Ellie and Alec need each other to balance out their eating habits to something actually healthy. He eats very well, as far as nutrition is concerned, but he just sort of stops eating when there is work to be done. She is going to eat, goddamnit, come hell or high water, but it is plenty likely to be anything from an entire loaf of bread to whatever the vending machine has. It’s a wonder neither of them has died of malnutrition. (she also makes mention that she’s lost weight, in a probably unhealthy way, by the end of the investigation, and has a sudden realization that she’s maybe kind of, turning into Hardy).

- End of Chapter 17, Ellie offers a hand to help Hardy in or out of a boat, he has a realization “unexpectedly painful” that he cannot remember the last time he held a woman’s hand.

- In general the poor bastard really is constantly on the edge of vertigo and panic attacks.

- Reminds me again, whatever did happen with Ellie’s sister??? did we ever see any kind of furtherance or resolution of her gambling issues in the later seasons?

- Oh Shit. “I didn’t take your money.” The money Joe gave Danny, that SOCCO found taped beneath his bed, that was Ellie’s holiday money, and she assumed her sister had stolen it. Shit. What a shitbag.

- One of Hardy’s favorite things about Tess was the ability to come home, throwing last minute ideas and theories at each other, being able to pass idle thoughts back and forth, turn them over, hear them in a new light, and see what they grow into. (incidentally, exactly what he’s developing with Ellie)

- The exchange between Alec and Ellie after SOCCO Brian hits on her is great here as well. She giggles, he asks her why, she figures she needs to share this with someone, and tells him. she thinks “his face froze in another one of his Does-Not-Compute expressions”. So he seems just as weird to her as to us, does a terrible job hiding the awkward nerd within. And she totally thinks it’s cute. Bet me. Goes on to think, after they talk about SOCCO having dirty hands, “ ‘Dirty Brian’, Hardy says, with a playful roll of the ‘R’ ”. They’re totally playing with each other and it’s adorable. “She thinks to herself that it’s the first moment of genuine humor they’ve had between them, so of course she immediately messes it up.” asking about Sandbrook.

- Oh Shit, Jack’s wife shows up at his funeral. hides her identity the entire time, and Spits in Karen-the-reporter’s face before she gets in a car and disappears again.

- Hardy has a panic attack after calling Daisy and giving up for the night. “I can’t do this, Hardy hears himself say, and the words are followed by an agonizing pain, a huge fist squeezing his heart to the bursting point. He staggers back until he hits a wall, and slides helplessly down it. Hardy assumes his childhood comfort position, knees pulled up to his chest, so close that he can rest his chin there. Experience tells him that he can hold this pose for hours and hours. He remains motionless amidst the debris of his investigation until his heart rate returns to its version of normal. By the time he gets up with a low wheeze and click of joints, it is dark outside.”

- Ellie calls Joe to say she’s still stuck at her desk and she’ll be late, on the night Susan Wright is arrested. He says it’s okay, but she can hear in his voice that it is not. (So, is that the last straw? she keeps staying late, it’s clear that this shit is going to drag on forever, and his family and life are NOT going to return to normal, no matter if he keeps getting away with his crime? And this is the window, his only window maybe, where she might be too busy to intercept if he confesses? This is the opportunity to confess to Hardy, and not her?) because very shortly thereafter (and leaving his kids alone and unwatched???) they receive the call from Danny’s mobile, and they catch him out at the cabin... and holy shit, even knowing it’s her (and he must know it’s her), he slams the cabin door open into her face, probably hard enough to beak her nose, and then minutes later shoves her to the ground so hard the reader spends a moment wondering if she’s broken her wrist.

- AND THE FUCKER TENDERLY PICKS GRAVEL OUT OF THE CUTS THAT NIGHT

- (if someone wanted to write an AU, one where he is also injured that night, and his failure to hide that injury tips her off the next day, or that night, and so she is the one to put together the pieces.... and arrest him? god that would be heartbreaking. But perhaps would enable a situ where she doesn’t beat the shit out of him in custody, thereby invalidating his confession, so that shit actually sticks...)

- When Hardy gives the interview to Maggie and Ollie, the book makes it clear that he expects his confession of being cheated on is going to cause them to regard him with pity and shame. He is embarrassed to have been cheated on. He calls himself a cuckold in his head. poor bastard. so confused when they respond with empathy and admiration for him, and disapproval and dismissal toward his wife.

- Happily, an answer to the argument Jack saw, between the Postal worker and Danny. Turns out, the punk had had his truck keyed, and knew Danny on his paper route was one of the only ppl who would have been out and about at the right time of night/morning to have done it. he confronted Danny, and that’s what Jack witnessed. He comes clean to the police towards the end, insists that that is as far as it ever went, and admits that he lied because he was afraid that having had that argument, having had sort-of-a-motive, that would make him a suspect.

- Fuck, I mean, we all know Joe is dangerous, but talking Danny back off the cliff and back into the house consciously with his paramedic voice, with the kind of experience and calm honed over years of professional work... goddamn, so many ways in which he had power over young Danny.

- The moment she believes Joe could have done it. She says it can’t have been him, because the boat was burned while she was away. He would have had to leave the kids alone while he did it, and he would never take that risk. Hardy confirms that he did, that he left them, and Ellie (immediately believes Hardy, btw) finally truly understands that the moral partner she’s been building a family with no longer exists, if he ever did in the first place.

- Hardy briefly considering telling Ellie about Tess, to empathize with her pain and betrayal, and immediately knowing the situations are too different to be useful. being disappointed in himself for having thought it. pulling on every little bit of experience and training he’s ever had to try to get through the conversation.

- Oh shit. the slug trails. the slug. that little bit of symbolism didn’t feel established in the tv series, she just squishes a slug the last time she enters the house. but in the novel, her merry war trying to find the slug is a constant recurring thing, seeing the trails on the carpet, but never able to find it, the thing only coming out when they’re asleep, Joe cleaning up the slug trails after they come back from vacation. Her staring at them in despair as she cries into the carpet one night, over Danny. and then, after Joe has been revealed, she comes home and there the bastard is, big fat slug that’s been lurking in her house all this time, sitting, glistening, in plain sight. and she squishes the hell out of it. And I was so caught up in the story that, even though I BEEN KNEW how it was gonna end, I never picked up on the fucking foreshadowing until that last moment. Am I just dense, or is it just good storytelling? XD

[leelee10898]

Back to you: Chapter 10 - Torn

Disclaimer: All Characters belong to Pixelberry except those created for the story. Rating: Mature  Summary: Aria informs Liam she has feelings for someone else. Liams behavior is getting worse and Aria is faced with past Demons in Paris.  Author notes: Story is based off of TRR, however many things and timelines have been altered and will continue to be to fit the story better. Enjoy As always you can catch up HERE Song inspiration: Natalie Imbruglia - Torn

Tag list: @annekebbphotography @scarlettedragon @bobasheebaby @speedyoperarascalparty @greyeyedsmile14 @stopforamoment @mind-reader1 @xxrainbowprincessxx @hopefulmoonobject @alicars @katurrade @indiacater @bella-ca @blznbaby @blackwidow2721

As always if you would like to be added to the tag list, lemme know :)

“We need to talk Liam.” Aria pushes her way into his cabin. She didn’t care if he had a meeting or not. She was angry with him and she needed to get everything out in the open. “What’s wrong my love.” Liam’s voice filled with concern. “I can not stomach seeing you with Madeline. It makes me physically sick.” She blurted out. Shit don’t lose it now Aria, keep going, she thinks to herself. Liam opens his mouth to speak but Aria holds her hand up to silence him. “I saw you kiss her, last nigh. The way you have been with her lately it does not seem like this is fake anymore.” Aria asserted, letting the anger build within her. “I’m sorry my love.” Liam tried to say. “No!” Aria put her hand up again. “I will speak, you will listen.” Liam cocked his brow at her. He was the king, maybe she really would be a good queen. 

“You told me to pursue other interests if I felt I needed to.” She sighed trying not to lose her nerve. Liam gulped, shit he thought. “I loved your brother a long time ago Liam. We were more than friends.” She started to break down a little. “I should have told you, but I didn’t think it mattered. Until...” She bit her lip, tears swelling in her eyes. Liam felt sick to his stomach. He imagined that’s how she felt each time he hurt her being with another woman. “I kissed Leo last night. And I think I have feelings for him. I think I never stopped.” The tears were flowing now. “I know.” Liam whispered. He sat down on the bed. Aria stood with her arms crossing her stomach. “How?” She questioned. “I forced it out of Leo. And I came to apologize about Madeline and saw you kissing at your door.” Liam ran his hands down his face. “So are you saying you want to be with my brother?” Liam asked his voice shaking a bit. “I am saying that I’m confused right now. I want to work on us,” she puts his hand on his chest, "but I need to also see if anything is there with Leo.” Aria gave him an apologetic look.

 Liam shook his head. Fuck he thought. He let his jealousy get the best of him. He continued to see other woman even after she forgave him for his tryst with  Olivia. He ran her into Leo’s arms. He could tell her no, but that would push her further away. “I don’t like it. Not at all. But if you need to.. I just…. I can’t bare the thought of you sleeping with him.” Liam threw his hands up in the air. “I don’t intend to sleep with him Liam. I just need to see what these feelings are. I love you Liam.” She sobbed. Liam took her hand and kisses it. “I love you too.” “I need to go.” Aria stood up, she gave Liam a kiss on his forehead and walked out the door.

  *** 

She spent the next two days locked in her cabin, hiding away from the outside world. Mostly Liam, but also Leo. She needed a mental health vacation. She attended no dinners, lunches, breakfasts, teas, nothing! Leo had come to her door the first day. Aria popped her head out and explained she needed a time out, he was ok with it. She shunned everyone who came to her door, Bertrand, Hana, Drake, even Olivia came by. But no Liam. On that third morning Maxwell came to her door. “Little blossom, we will be pulling into Paris within the hour.” Maxwell spoke softly against the door. Aria opened the door and gave him a huge hug. Maxwell smiled at her, curious as to what the hug was for. “Thank you, for being you max. Your my brother and I love you.” She gushed. “Now I must get ready.” She moved her arms shooting him away.

 After a quick shower and change of clothes she felt much better. They were arriving in Paris and she was ready to face the belly of the beast. She left her heart on the floor in that hotel room 5 years ago. She was ready to pick it up and see if it would beat once more. She stepped off the train and her face was in awe. Paris was beautiful as ever. “Ugh I never thought I would be happy to be here but I hate that train.” Drake grumbles and Aria chuckles. “Always fussing about something Drake Jesus!” Olivia scowls as she steps off the train. Aria had since moved past her and Liam’s tryst. She was helping with the investigation now, she could forgive but not forget.

 She looks around at her friends talking, arguing and laughing. She smiles feeling like time was moving in slow motion. For the moment she was content, and happy a feeling she had not had in a while. As she looks around she sees him, standing up against a brick pillar staring at her. She smiles, her heart skipping a beat. “Hello beautiful.” he leans in kissing her cheek presenting a single red rose. “Leo, how did you?” She shakes her head smiling. She knew better then to ask, he had his ways. “May I accompany you to the hotel m'lady?” He bows extending a hand. Aria giggles she always loved silly proper Leo. She always wondered about certain things he did back then, now she knew it was because he was a prince. “You may.” She curtsies. Once they arrive at the hotel Leo heads of to his room. Bertrand informs her they have a luncheon for all of the ladies at court. “Great, fantastic, just what I want to do.” Aria groans as she heads to her own room. She tries a few dresses on as her attention is drawn to her phone. A text from Ellie.

Ellie: how are things going? Do I need to come there? Where are you btw? Aria: no, I am fine. We are in Paris.   Ellie: oh boy….  Ellie: are you going to be Ok? I mean the last time you were there…. Nevermind. Aria paused a moment. The last time she was there she had her heart ripped out. She spent the next few days crying her eyes out holding his t-shirt. She cut her trip short, she was too heartbroken to be there. She vowed she would never step foot in France again.. yet here she was. Fate brought her back here, although the hurt she felt being there started to creep to the surface. She replied to Ellie. Aria: I’m ok El. Leo and I are in a good place right now. He’s been wonderful through everything.. But I have a lunch to get ready for I’ll text you later.  Ellie: ok. Just.. be careful. Love you

  She put her phone down and applied some lip gloss when a knock came at the door.  She answered the door to find Liam standing there. “May I come in?” He asked. Aria motioned letting him into the room. “Liam I have this lunch to get to, what brings you by?” She asked. Liam walks over to her grabbing her by the waist and kissing her firmly she could taste the scotch heavily on his lips. She pulls away. “Liam what the hell has gotten into you?” She asks staring at him bewildered. “I want you, right now.” He growls grabbing at her waist again tugging on her dress. She jerks away. “Liam get off!” She yells. “What’s a matter my love, am I not good enough for you anymore? Is my brother a better Fuck?” His voice dripping with resentment. “I do not want you perusing anything with him. Do you understand? You are mine.” Liam demanded as he forcefully pulls her closer to him. Aria slaps him across the face. She grabs her cluts and heads for the door without saying a word.

 She heads off to the banquet room but stops herself. She feels her chest getting tight, the tears stinging her eyes. She runs outside trying to catch her breath. “Aria?” Leo calls out. “Hey, what’s wrong?” He asks seeing her distraught. “I just .. I need to get out of here.” She wiped her tears “Ok, let’s go. ” Leo extends his hand. Aria smiles half heartedly and takes it.

 They spent the morning walking mostly in silence, just enjoying the scenery. Aria thought back to their time in Paris. They would walk through the city, have breakfast at a quaint little cafe. It was so beautiful and they were so in love, or so she thought. And there it was, that black cloud. She knew she needed to get her feelings out in the open, and it was coming soon. They found their little cafe, and stopped for some of the heavenly crepes they made. Aria wanted to go to the Louvre, Leo took her once before, but she insisted she needed to go again. They spent the day walking the museum. Once they left the museum it was dark they decided to stop at a local cabaret for a bite to eat and a few drinks. “Are you ready to head back to the hotel?” Leo asked “No, not just yet can we walk a littl more?’ She was fearful of what she would be returning to. Would Liam be waiting for her? Would have have trashed her room? Leo nods and they continue walking until Leo stopped dead in his tracks.  “ I can’t believe we ended up here!” He gawked at the building. It was a beautiful light tan building, with green shutters. It had ivy and flowers climbing the walls. Cast iron balconies with flower boxes with the most beautiful rainbow of cascading blooms you ever seen. Aria stands paralyzed. “Do you remember this place? Leo asked turning to face her. Of course she remembered it, it was something she would never forget. 

[literallyprentissstwin]

Week 2) Monday, May 21th to Sunday, May 27th 2018 

bonjour y´all and welcome to the second week of my reading list :) this is actually the second time i´m typing this down since tumblr actually decided that it wouldn´t save my last draft where i once had all typed down for the list (thanks for that!). i don´t remember what i wrote down to all the fics the first time, but guess i just start again :D i really hope you all enjoyed my list last week & left some love to the writers <3 

as usual, i put together a list of (this time) 19 fics which i enjoyed reading a lot the past week! please don´t take it personal if you didn´t make it to this list, it doesn´t mean that you´re a bad writer or stuff. you are all really talented and underrated. it´s just my personal opinion and taste. 

feel free to tag me in your fics or send me the links via direct message. since my notifications aren´t working properly, sending the links via message is the better option. i´m excited to hear from you:) 

so, i really hope you all enjoy this weeks list and don´t forget to leave some love and feedback to the writers since this is the only credit they will get for their work :) 

- aileen 

1) No matter what - Spencer Reid X Sister!LGBT!Reader by @infinitefandomimagines 

this is some of the cutest stuff i read all week :) spence is the perfect big brother and i really want him to have either a sibling or a child, fact. this story is everything. also the topic is so important and i´m proud you choose to write about it! <3 well done! 

2) Always by @butsomeofusarelookingatthestars 

yey, you´re back! i miss my daily dose of Luke fics bc you´re the best at writing them <3 also i´m a sucker for Dad!Luke fics and i also love these stories about Nessa and him, they are perfect! this one was amazing, i loved it! :) 

3) Time - Chapter 1: Seconds by @spencerthepipecleaner 

Okay, woow. my poor heart...wtf. this heavy angst <333 it´s heaven and very well written. but my poor spence thooo :((((( i really need to check out part 2, bc this part was perfect! great work! 

4) Article of Faith - Chapter 9 & Chapter 10 by @dontshootmespence 

okay, this is one of the most underrated series on here and shame on me that i have to do some catching up on it, but those two parts very amazing! i love spencer in it. this story is giving me life. i can´t wait to see where you´ll be going with it bc it´s perfect! go give it some love! 

5) Why? by @a-court-of-stydia 

MATT <333 okay, we def need more stories about him bc he deserves all the love and recognition he can get bc he is a pure babe and i love him so much <3 okay, back to your story: this was perfect and i´m in love. short, but sweet and i´m so glad i got to read it! thank you! 

6) The Angel in the Room by @dontshootmespence  

Eventhough I don´t like Alex, I loved reading this story a lot. I loved Alex & Hotchs relationship in this story as well as the bond between Ellie & Reid :) Perfect! <3 

7) Talk Nerdy to Me by @multifandomfanfiction 

okay this story was lit :D i´m sorry for this word, but it´s true. at the beginning i was like “ugh gideon” but then, his niece was so awesome and the tension between her and spencer and just everything about this story was so perfect and i enjoyed reading it a lot! <3 

8) Dishes by @ionlyreadfivebookslastweek 

again, short but sweet and ultra fluffy <3 cuteness overload incoming :) i loved reading it. also can we talk about your username? bc it is goals af. <3 great work! 

9) The Reaper by @trashyficsfortrashykids 

okay, wow. i´m sad i can´t remember what i wrote here the first time bc it was a pretty ass long paragraph bc this story gave me chills and everything. at first i was like “ugh another fic about this” and then when i read it I was totally speechless (this doesn´t happen often btw.): i really liked the way you wrote about the whole foyet drama happening and now i hate him even more. how can he kill an innocent little child? wtf is wrong with that dude??? i´m also a sucker for Dad!Hotch and i think you portrayed him perfectly with all this blaming himself. but OMG WTF THE ANGST WAS PRETTY HEAVY BUT I LOVED IT AND IT WAS SO GOOD AND I´M SORRY FOR SCREAMING. it´s also very well written and i´m pretty impressed (teach me how to write like this please). overall, this whole fic was a success and i´m happy that i got the chance to read it! Thank you! 

10) Secret Keepers by @illegalcerebral 

THIS would have been the perfect way to deal with the whole Doyle drama thingy. like uggggghhhhhh....it wouldn´t have made things complicated. why didn´t they let you write it? this was amazing and i loved the team <3 they are a perfect little family :) oh, and did I ever mention that i miss my Hotchner? ily btw :)  

11) Too Much On the Line by @dontshootmespence  

okay first of all, can we agree that the show didn´t pay enough attention to the Reid drug addiction story line on the show? thank you! this fic was perfect. the angst & suspense = loving it. i also love a comforting and supporting spencer and the way he tries to helpt the reader by talking about his own addiction. my heart was heavy reading this but i enjoyed every bit of it! great job! 

12) In his arms by @winchestergirl23  

again, short but sweet. it made me miss morgan even more :(((( it was so cute! i want a bf like him, thanks! 

13) Surprise. (Pt 1/3) by @crimindsaspe 

YESSSS, I LOVE IT! i love a happy spencer, he deserves all the love and happiness. do this boy some good and give him a happy storyline thanks!! i loved this part and i can´t wait for the others :) well done! 

14) Paranoid // Spencer Reid by @itsmeedee 

okay this is so so so so so so so good. like holy hell, the angst <3333 also i already read part 2 and jesus christ, i need a third part asap. could you please tag me in it?? this is a masterpiece. read it, y´all!!!!

15) Writing Prompt #4 - Spencer Reid Imagine by @multifandom-fics0904  

awwww Spencer, my poor heart <333 i just love him so much, he is so precious and kind and caring. give him a child already. this was perfect! 

16) Call Out My Name (Spencer Reid x reader) by @spencerreidreads 

omg the end....no it can not end this way. i really need a part 2, please tell me you already planned a part 2?? this was soo good! please! 

17) Guess You´re Not the One part one (Spencer Reid x reader) by @spencerreidreads  

same here....the second part was as intense as the first part and i can not wait for more. like seriously...give me more! 

18) One Wish by @captainreid  

oh G, why do you have to make me feel like this?? all i want for spence in his life is a child and then this...</3 my poor heart. the angst tho <333 perfect! ily :) 

19) The Thread That Holds by @dontshootmespence 

awwww happy Jack and Hotch <3 my heart is swoooning, tho it makes me miss them both a lot. i really wanna see them again in S14 :))) also this is kind of the life i imagine for them both right now too. like happy and together and safe. they deserve it. great job! ily :) 

20) We all Fall Down - Thirty Two by @criminal-minds-fanfiction 

okay, seriouly, how can i NOT put this serie on my list? tho i still have a lot of catching up to do but this kind of is also a reminder to myself to get my lazy ass up and reread the whole fic bc it is pure perfection and def underrated. i loved this part a lot. your writing skills are on point, i´m jealous. people, go read it! i dare you! well done, great job! ily :) 

so, this was this weeks list :) i really hope you enjoyed it and don´t forget to leave some love for the writers and their works. again, if you wanna be featured on that list, send me your fics and i´m gonna read them and maybe you´ll be on the next list :) 

hope you all will have a great week & see you next sunday :) 

- aileen