#btd6 time

[vivian-the-fae]

TW: vents below the cut

Idk what to anymore. Well that's a lie, I know exactly what I should do, I should ask my parents for help, maybe even get therapy, but I don't, because I've lied to them for so long, I don't think I can take it, opening the curtains for them.

I just live moment to moment at this point. I have no bigger goal as motivation to live, I keep living because of my friends and family, who I love so fucking much.

I don't wanna die but I don't wanna live like this. Changes need to happen but I am not structured, organized, or motivated enough to make them happen. I mean I try, I really do, but nothing really sticks.

Am I going crazy? Would I even know? Am I right back where I fucking started? I'm kinda starting to hate myself, my physical appearance, the way I act, how I keep lying to basically everyone all of the time.

On top of all this, there is no real reason for this, I live in a politically stable country (at least for the next year or two) I have an amazing family, I love my friends, I'm smart, I've never had to worry about money or safety, I'll most likely get a good job as soon as i get out of university, and I'll probably be able to afford to buy a house before I'm 35. I know how lucky I am to have all these things, not everyone does, but yet I'm not okay, and because there's no discernible reason, it's harder to stop these feelings.

The only think i can think of is being a burnt out gifted kid. I might still have some of that drive to prove myself, so that i can prove that I'm worthy of love and attention. Which is probably where my attachment issues stem from.

In conclusion: I'm fucked up in the head, and not in a good way, and it's driving me insane trying to find the root of all of these issues.

[mutant-girl-mintt]

First post of the year; something to get me back into drawing because goddamn i didn't do shit last month lmao

[heroisdraw]

the rest of my art from spark, since the app died recently lol

[panikkoi]

eti :)

[rcclouder]

putting too much effort in to a 4 frame bit

[nipchipcookies]

Realisation

[aquablossomsart]

Reject humanity. Return to monke.

[inky-goddess]

I did a thing

And even though it says hate on the template I dont hate little nightmares i just dont like it that much because I was never able to really get into it.

[aperfecta-rt]

Psi from BTD6 except I took some liberties w their design (forgot their pants)

[cloud9v]

happy spooky month!

[number-1-harumi-hater]

mermonkey hcs

•they are super shy which is why they havent been seen helping out in raids (the bloons passing over the ocean often might make them change their mind)

•like druids, they are loyal and friends to ocean obyn. they absolutely love him like a king

•they bring up gifts from the depths and throw them on the beach when monkeys arent looking

•they are not fan of the submarine monkeys tho they throw rocks at the submarine when they’re below the ocean

[vivian-the-fae]

hey besties... I haven't been feeling amazing recently (mentally, dw physically i'm fine) and I am planning on asking my parents to get me some therapy cuz my ass needs that. any of y'all have any tips on how to do that?

more info (ramblings) under cut

My parents are really nice, and kind, and supportive. BUTTTT, I haven't been telling them anything for the past three(3) years, so that might be quite awkward, and also i don't wanna hurt them, cuz i don't think they'd be happy with me not telling them anything for a while. ALSO, I would probs have to tell them I don't fuck with my AGAB and I dunno how i feel about coming out to them. They are supportive of my sister who's lesbian but idk how they'd react to my gender being wibbly wobbly timey wimey stuff (doctor who my beloved)

What's up with me???? way too much, but putting it simply I'm not really happy with anything, I don't like myself, I got dysphoria in every way (voice, body, social) This leads to suicidal thoughts every now and then (every couple of days) which is not the vibe. This all combined with me not believing that it's bad enough for therapy cause there are people out there who have it worse, who actually struggle with suicidal ideation and might have an attempt under their belt (imposter syndrome my mortal enemy), is not entirely fun for me.

[cocobeanzies]

Pin (xx2 Engineer) dressed in Christmas attire 🎀🎁

Another piece for the BTD6 Fanart Collab!

[codemonkeylikesyou]

lets pretend im not stupid okay? he just wouldnt wear that ghillie suit at all times....

[kaptaincat]

a collection of all the gifs ive made of my oc's within the past couple of days!! I've also renovated their artfight pages!! i dunno if ill make a toyhouse for them or not lol

[blink-the-shapeshifter]

I wanted to draw one of the heroes today but I was too lazy and just drew this fella with some funky lighting.