#brought to you by a neurodivergent queer studying queerness in literature

[onceuponanaromantic]

I have achieved peak evolution from ‘the weird kid who remains quiet during social events unless it’s to give a deeply disconcerting insight’ to ‘that one researcher who actively has research plans and frameworks on human psychology and behaviour who is a really good source if you need insight on a social situation’.

[onceuponanaromantic]

OP has got it right, in that it is tokenising. And it comes across as box ticking, which is a very shallow way of reading any text, and doesn’t do justice to the text itself.

I won’t say that this is solely a Anglo-American/Eurocentric colonial gaze issue but I do think this applies to some extent? Because it assumes that everyone, and by extension every character, even if they exist in a speculative universe, is operating off a cisgender heterosexual WhiteTM norm and that it’s the deviance that makes a text interesting. That’s not the case, because authors and creators are not (necessarily) operating from a straight binary-gendered white norm! Different cultures exist y’all.

Going further, a book itself cannot be ‘gay’. It can have LGBTQIA+ rep, it can discuss struggles that people in specific LGBTQIA+ subcultures face, but a book itself cannot be ‘gay’. And I think again, setting up a certain expectation of what a book/text needs to do in order to be considered ‘gay’ just means that you are going to be disappointed. And that’s a pity because there are so many experiences from so many different types of people who all identify as LGBTQIA+ and so many representations of such.

unpopular opinion: just because a book is "gay" doesn't mean it's a good book. It needs more than that and tumblr needs to accept that fact

first tumblr needs to stop treating non white cishet identities as tokens. and then maybe those lists of "books with queer/poc rep!!!!" will stop reading like a chance for you to get brownie points. i get it. you will eat the scraps for even the sliver of a chance of reading about people who aren't straight or cis or white (even though most gay books are about skinny white boys) but books or any media with non cishet rep in it needs to be held to the same standard as the rest. not higher where we can't allow any mistakes or lower where doing a measly effort is applauded, but the same where we judge it fairly. authors like me, who happen to not be white or cis or straight, put too much effort into the stories we write for them to be reduced to "this book has ace rep and none of the characters are white!!!!" instead of actually telling you what my book is about. suddenly it is no longer a story about the effects of collective paranoia or taking responsibility for your own actions... it's just a book where the characters happen to be latine instead of white and the main character's s/o is nonbinary...

[onceuponanaromantic]

judith butler: ‘i am currently enjoying the world of ‘they’.’

me: we stan a legend.

[onceuponanaromantic]

I know this is late, but (from the WIP tag game)...queerness in modern Singaporean poetry?? If you want to talk about it, I'm listening intently

okay so I am always down to talk about queerness in modern Singaporean poetry especially when I’m avoiding other deadlines.

To begin with, Singapore’s queer scene interacts a lot with the writing scene, but especially the poetry scene. (To the point where I once exasperatedly asked in my sg writing circles if everyone in the writing circles was connected to everyone else by a string of exes and received several wry comments to the effect of ‘yes’.) There are historical and sociological reasons for this but basically it boils down to the fact that in singapore, the media and art is very much government funded and even apart from that, usually subjected to a lot of government restrictions, including the infamous Out-of Bounds Markers (OB Markers).

(Before anyone gets on my ass about ‘oh if you take govt money for sponsorship you should be beholden to govt restrictions’, literally all art scenes in all countries take some amount of government funding and art is literally meant as a reflection and criticism of current societies AND HAS ALWAYS BEEN)

Okay so back onto OB markers, and there is a long list. But for the purpose of this discussion, homosexuality is taboo and we have this lovely colonial era law called 377A that despite civil society attempts to get overturned, still remains and still criminalises anal sex between two men. (There’s an interesting discussion on whether colonialism, racism or homophobia should be blamed for its creation but my personal stand is all three.) And if you hit one of the OB markers, your funding can get suddenly withdrawn and you may not be allowed to present the work in Singapore. (Also, sometimes you get sued and the ministers in Singapore come after you in parliament, which has happened to several artists who dealt with sensitive political issues in ways the state didn’t like.)

So in Singapore, most creative work, and here I include film, plays, TV shows and novels, tends to either avoid discussing homosexuality and queerness in general at all, or else tends towards homophobic depictions and very bland stereotypes of gay men, if they are even depicted at all, with a focus mostly being on gay suffering.

Poetry, on the other hand, is a more niche area. And as a result of that niche, more nuanced depictions of queerness (including depictions of queer people who aren’t gay men) are allowed to flourish. So for example, one of the texts I’m looking at called Roadkill for Beginners is by the poet called Stephanie Chan, also known as Stephanie Dogfoot, and they’re nonbinary and bi. So in Roadkill, there are poems about their attraction to men as well as women as well as other aspects of their identity such as being a Singaporean student going to college overseas and their family. And their relationship with food, which is very important too.

I wouldn’t go so far as to say that the poetry scene is like The Most Diverse and Progressive because there’s still issues with Chinese men, even gay men, getting more opportunities and exposure than other demographics, and that’s part of the reason why I decided that I explicitly wanted to look at queer female/feminine presenting poets. I also won’t say that there’s necessarily a push towards more diverse representation in prize winners for Singaporean literary prizes even though Marylyn Tan’s Gaze Back did win the Singapore Literature Prize for Poetry, because a singular writer winning a prize does not necessarily translate into wider social changes but it is a good sign (especially because a lot of the previous winners are like old chinese guys).

(I have mixed feelings about Gaze Back because it’s amazingly explicit in its presentation of femininity and queerness and I love that but also Tan really likes her sex imagery and at one point, I was trying to puzzle through one of her longer metaphors using biological imagery before I realised that it was... about sex. Sex is squick for me but it’s bold of Tan, especially given social disapproval towards women explicitly enjoying sex.)

Anyway! So that’s basically an overview of queerness of modern Singaporean poetry, and like I could go even deeper into queer theory and like especially the writers that I discuss and their takes on respectability politics. (Oh so there’s this... thing where like middle/upper class chinese gay guys and women are like ‘Oh we are Just Like Straight Chinese Cishets just gay’ and like... lean into racism and classism among other things and also stereotypes about other queer people, so being gay is not a substitute for social awareness and deliberate pushes for progressive change but then, that’s not a phenomenon isolated to Singapore.) Yeah! I hope you enjoyed this ramble because I’m always down to talk about this shit.

[onceuponanaromantic]

Dropping this here but shit I love how this reframes agency and action in a protagonist (and also this speaks to my smol neurodivergent queer heart)

https://www.fantasy-magazine.com/fm/non-fiction/we-are-the-mountain-a-look-at-the-inactive-protagonist/

[onceuponanaromantic]

someday i will write a proper explanation of my thoughts on gender and my feelings on gender theory.

[onceuponanaromantic]

a review of some poems

a review of some poems in each of the collections i’m studying

Gaze Back / Roadkill for Beginners / Tender Delirium

Roadkill for Beginners:

New Words for Never: nice interplay between fantasy and reality through the use of the peter pan storyline here. the constant references to drugs kept making me overthink about the meaning but i think it’s just the idea of transgression. ‘but fully grown airborne women just look pathetic’ well oof. 8/10

The Whole Thing about Janis Joplin and the Rabbit: its.. not one of the better poems in the collection ill say that much. v centered on a very christian? white person experience? which i don’t particularly like. the commentary on mythology and immortality and performance is. v oblique, but i do like the chang-e and the jade rabbit so. 2/10

Senior Year: god why is this poem so long. the way time is constructed is cool tho. i do appreciate ‘July (late)’ ‘Ethan’ and then ‘August’. ‘tried to imagine/ its last thoughts/ while trying/ not to write/ my thesis’ what a mood. a lot of varying on form but to what effect? 4/10

Satellites: as much as i like the image of wishing on satellites instead of stars... eh. i do appreciate the contrast between the inevitable tedium and respectability (and boredom) of adulthood and the adventure. very much a ‘city person thinks of stars’ poem. 3/10.

You Throw a Party and Every Body You Have Ever Been Attracted To Is There: title itself is mildly a nightmare, both for how long it is and the concept of it. i do see the comment on attraction and the shame for being attracted to white guys with dreadlocks, but. this is very much a personal call-out to herself, so i forgive chan for the lack of good imagery here. 4/10

When the World Ends You Will Be Eating Hokkien Mee: my favoured one between her other food poems. and not just because we just lived through 2020. i like the emphasis on Singaporean arrogance and exceptionalism and the apathy. also, made me hungry for hokkien mee. good call-out for the Pandemic. 6/10

Notes on Adverse Possession: ‘the nightly occupation of the space between/your palm and your pillow, building barricades/down your spine’ oof. this poem always strikes me as queer even though you never see the gender of the addressee. i suspect its the transience and the physical intimacy mixed with violence of it. 7/10.

tldr: i will curse performance poets for their poems being so damn long. some nice imagery here, all things considered.

[onceuponanaromantic]

my lit tutor/h3 supervisor (on why renaissance poets like andrew marvell have really structured poems): why not anyhow write? like modern poetry you just write because you feel like writing.

me, loudly and judgingly looking because again, this is my h3 supervisor who knows my thoughts on modern poetry. in detail.

my lit tutor, looking at me: yes (syl) knows this very well. unfortunately for her, the poets she’s studying are both fond of free verse and have an unfortunate case of verbal diarrhoea.

me: cackling my head off while everyone in class stares at me

[onceuponanaromantic]

thought of the night: I don’t think it’s valuable to divide people into Good or Bad people.

this is both an observation like as a queer person, a neurodivergent person and like as a person who studies literature but like it is rarely meaningful to say that oh this is a Bad Person and like there are Good People. like, esp in marginalised communities right like we’re all traumatised here and sometimes that trauma makes us lash out and hurt people. And that’s a valid response to trauma but what’s equally valid is the hurt at that. And like, idk I feel like in some ways like some circles take a very punitive approach towards trying to move towards change and growth and like I don’t think that’s helpful? Like even if you’re not traumatised right, like even the best, kindest person you know is capable of hurting people and doing unfair and mean things to other people. And like it’s not sustainable like movement wise. like we are all hurting and like idk I feel like this punitive approach doesn’t value care and holding space for people, both who have been hurt and who have hurt people.

[onceuponanaromantic]

a review of some poems

a review of some poems in each of the collections i’m studying by Vibe:

Gaze Back / Roadkill / Tender Delirium

Gaze Back:

Archetypal Evil: interesting bio imagery, the cnidarians have grown on me, nice take on time and sexuality, i’m not over ‘gravity’s intestinal collapse’ or the fact that i may have traumatised my astronomy/bio friend trying to understand that one section that turned out to be about oral/anal sex. 6/10, would recommend if you are a bio/astro student in the mood for trauma and not being able to look anyone in the eye.

UnDocuments: cool form. i don’t personally like code but the way it’s used to satirise the politics of desirability in certain queer subcultures is cool. burst out laughing the first time i read it for how accurately it talked about certain stereotypes. 7/10

Cursing the Fig Tree: delightfully blasphemous, not my favourite because i’m personally not a fan of sex and the grotesque but the ways it’s used to comment on body policing and all are very interesting. seriously, so much discussion of jesus’ foreskin. 5/10 but mostly because the sexual imagery is ugh.

Nasi Kang Kang: the singlish is hilarious and very appropriate for a discussion of something so intimate. i do also appreciate the use of southeast asian myths. the sexual imagery, for all that the poem literally involves condensation on one’s vagina dripping into rice, is well done here. 7/10.

tldr: very sexual imagery. very nice experiments with form that I do appreciate. very feminist. i do appreciate the discussions on sexuality and femininity within the poem even if i don’t always like the sex.

[onceuponanaromantic]

night time vibing but really, a lot of the reasons for my writing and my outlook on literature are a product of just being part of the section of singapore writing twitter and queer twitter and neurodivergent twitter and regularly interacting with people who are activists by necessity rather than choice. And also just regularly looking at southeast asian issues in general through new naratif.

tldr: art is political, please for the love of god read modern writing esp writing by writers of colour and from outside the anglo-american sphere, lit does help you in writing because you get to notice DetailsTM and Effects.

Because I do see art as inherently political. There are a lot of things I can say about the art scene in Singapore, especially with regard to art journalism, the types and means of production of art, but to provide an insultingly brief summary: people get more creative when you allow them to push boundaries without putting them into boxes for the sake of marketing. Further, art cannot be taken out of the context that it is made and when you read a text critically, you cannot ignore the author’s background and views. Art is not apolitical and I think it does any kind of writing a disservice to be read or understood as such. This is not to say that problematic art should be given a platform, but I do think it is worth having more conversations about accountability, managing harm within communities and boundary setting. One nice way that I saw someone put it once is: what if we changed the conversation to how WE would like to be held accountable for doing harm as opposed to how should we hold others accountable?

Another thing that comes to mind is that there’s a question that I finally have an answer to now, years after the answer was relevant. The question posed to me was in essence: does studying literature improve your writing? And at the time I said yes, but now I have a more in-depth reason as to why as opposed to ‘you get to appreciate more stuff’. It’s partially that at this point in my life, I’m studying poetry, drama and prose all at once, but I think that literature, especially critical theory, helps you notice details about writing. I think a lot of the criticism of studying lit comes because it is easy to look at literature as singularly the Western canon. This is a very poor way of studying literature, one because it distances the reader from the writing (esp because lit is taught in a v depoliticised way in most cases!) but also because especially for younger writers, it doesn’t give you an accurate reflection of the time you live in. I think this is something I picked up while doing my H3 research essay on modern singaporean poetry (esp because I’m talking about queerness) but it’s useful to understand movements and different influences on writing, and also to be able to look at living writing and living writers creating work. (and this is also why all I read is by writers of colour and queer writers and yes that is deliberate.) I think the mistake comes in looking at writing advice as the be all end all of writing, rather than being able to look critically at your own work and identify the effects that your writing has. Once you do that, you can decide if those are the effects you want to have, if you want to change the effect, but first, it is noticing what you’re doing.

[onceuponanaromantic]

me about my h3: it is awful and painful and I am SUFFERING every moment I deal with it.

anyone else: why did you even bother with h3 lit anyway youre a science student

me, gasping in horror: how DARE you say that about my BABY I ADORE her and she’s so PRACTICAL to EVERYDAY LIFE. what SLANDER.

[onceuponanaromantic]

I think my favourite part of my h3 like even if I constantly complain about it and have hilarious moments trying to dodge my supervisor and deadline that like, ultimately, it‘s given me a sensitivity to patterns of language and ways that people, at a very micro level, reveal their opinions and identities inadvertently and intentionally. Like yes, a lot of shit had been said about subtext (see the blue curtains shit) but like actually, it shows. Like. everywhere. Like that’s is precisely why I can look at the love songs people like, close read them and psychoanalyse people who like songs because there are patterns. And there are tropes that people are drawn to. And the traditions in every era have always reflected the needs and desires of the people about them. and truly it’s amazing to see because it’s fun. it’s so revealing and it’s like what needs do you have and what feelings do you need to express.

[onceuponanaromantic]

a review of some poems

a review of some poems from each of the collections im studying

Gaze Back / Roadkill / Tender Delirium

Tender Delirium:

(fair warning: all of the ratings for this book have been calibrated down a bit because or else everything would be 10/10)

Interpretation: this is a terrible poem to start with because i love it so much. like how do you see a line like ‘[there are worse things] than words/ unspoken/ and promises/broken/ and endings left/open to interpretation’ and not sgjhkdl? but also i really love the cyclical nature of this poem. reminds me almost of a villanelle with the whole ‘there are worse things surely’ and ‘open to interpretation’. very lyrical. 10/10

After Sappho: the idea here isn’t the most original but i am a sucker for poems that deal with the historical nature of queerness and homophobia. it’s really not the most original because the ‘long before’ couplet style mostly just reinforces the individual images. ‘long before the narcissism of your pornography/and the delusions of your medicine’ oof. 6/10

Making Scars of Skin: as per normal, rozario’s imagery slaps. the violence here is so well done and so intimately done. ‘loss/ comes entangled in love and insists its way into little known spaces, forcing skin open’ such pain but also oh the power of pure love. 7/10

That Moment: i have never seen a poem so beautifully deal with the grief for someone still living. not the most clever of her poems though especially wordplay wise. ‘as if/it matters that you can map in detail/the geographies of regret’ as i said, beautiful. 5/10

A Second Split: rozario is at her best when she’s capturing every day moments. the couplet style within the free verse here is cool; helps drag out the moment and the intimacy for it. the imagery here isn’t as clever as say, interpretation, but the asyndetic listing here is so well done that i can forgive it. 8/10

On Shaving My Head: the idea is simple, as per typical rozario style. it’s both a commentary on her relationship with her mother and on her femininity at the same time but not in a political way? it’s more a personal thing. ‘what is left/of her daughter lays strewn/ on the bathroom floor. I can see’ hair is v much a Queer Concern because of its connection with gender presentation but. hm. 6/10

‘What Type Do You Like?’: v much a queer introduction, sets the stage for the rest of the collection. i do the individual words to highlight ideas between stanzas so of course, i am a sucker for that. the image of the font drop down menu is very funny to me, as is, ‘jeans that fit to different/degrees/of gender’ and ‘Are we so short of/pants/that only one of us can wear them? Strange’ v clever use of wordplay here. 8/10

The First Face You Saw: ok. okay so rozario has gone Off with the imagery here. a lover being wheeled out of surgery? that’s practically a hurt/comfort trope right there. come on. ‘you are open like the best/endings, I am a conclusion wound tight around/secrets -- words left over from the last time/i loved’ come the fuck on how do you survive being torn apart by that beauty. also a very reminiscent poem to the earlier poems in the collection. 9/10

Keep: if i could, i would review all the poems in this collection one by one in detail but sadly, that is not what this exercise is for. frankly gorgeous imagery here and such wordplay. form is, v free verse 4 line stanzas but come on with lines like ‘[i press everything] the delete button/on colons insisting arrogant pauses/amidst my pretentious poems’ as a poet i feel Slapped. beautiful, beautiful images. ‘but i keep/everything so broken, so intact’ rozario went Off. 10/10

tldr: my earnest opinion as to why rozario is not a classic with gays quoting lines the way people know siken is because people are SLEEPING on this. come the fuck on. beautiful imagery, clever wordplay. so, so queer. so intimate and everyday.

[onceuponanaromantic]

okay so putting this here because I want to remind myself that I have Plans:

-aiming to slowly finish a draft of the avis coda/a match made in hell over the next year with at least remainder of dec to at least jan dedicated to getting at least halfway through draft 0 of the Avis coda

-start writing my idle thoughts on queer literature in sg down!! esp the ones that weren’t fitting for my research essay! (aim for this one: roughly twice weekly)

-read finish and write down my thoughts on new research on literature, esp queer singapore literature (got like three essays I want to slowly process and start thinking about so maybe once a month? twice a month?? Let’s see how this goes)

-read bell hooks work!! and the other queer theorists on gender and queerness in general!!

-environmental work: I want to look at the connection between the climate crisis and other social issues!! Haven’t figured out what exactly yet but I’ll explore it!! These thoughts may take longer to marinate so like once a month maybe? Idk if this is something I want to actually put out for a while.

[onceuponanaromantic]

i am just.. placing this here, as a reference for anyone else struggling to figure out how to be a good person when you have ‘bad’ aspects of you.

https://medium.com/ask-a-narcissist/ask-a-narcissist-1-how-to-be-a-good-person-9c91109cae21