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nataliedanovelist · 5 years ago

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GF + OH - Fallen Owls pt.2

Summary: What happens when the milf of The Owl House meets the dilf of Gravity Falls? Find out in this multi-chapter crossover fic.

pt.1

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Episode Placement: GF = after finale (S3?) OH = between S1E7 and E8 Mabel giggled at a funny meme Luz had texted her. Who doesn’t love pics of an angry-looking kitty and a toad sipping coffee? She texted Luz a bunch of laughing emojis and scratched Waddles. Luz, meanwhile, was sitting on the couch in the living room with King sleeping by his side. Or at least trying to. He was in the perfect spot, but Luz’s giggling was disturbing his slumber. Luz texted back: It’s so good to have someone appreciate these! Eda thinks their stupid and King never gets them. M: Memes are a rare language only teenagers and creepy forty-year-olds understand.

Luz texted a gif of a guy pointing and saying “you got me there” and she scratched King’s back. He rolled over in his sleep and Luz scratched his tummy. L: So whatcha doin’ today? M: Dipper wants to go investigate some new anomaly. L: Cool! What is it? M: … You know, why don’t I get him to tell you? Are you up for visitors today? L: YES! Yes, yes, YES! I’ll ask Eda! Luz hurried off the couch and ran up outside to find Eda drinking out of her 30 & Flirty mug in the warm sun. “Eda! Can Mabel come over and bring her brother Dipper?” “That human girl you met last week?” Eda asked and shrugged. “Sure, okay. Just make sure her uncle won’t be after my blood.” “Thanks Eda, you’re the best!” And Luz hurriedly texted Mabel back. ~~~~~~~~~~ Mabel’s phone made a dazzling noise, like sparkles, meaning she got a text. She squealed and Dipper then entered the bedroom, having been blackmailed into a shower by his own twin. He was shaking his hair dry, fully dressed, when Mabel said, “Dip-Dip, cancel your plans for today!” “What, but we were gonna investigate the graveyard for loose zombies, remember?” “Not anymore! You’re gonna see the Boiling Isles!” Dipper gasped and dropped his towel. “Are you serious?! The Boiling Isles! I’ve been wanting a chance to see it for myself and record it in my journal!” “Well, now you've got one.” Mabel hopped off the bed and said, “We just gotta make sure it’s okay with Grunkle Stan first.” Dipper slammed on his pinetree hat and hurried with Mabel downstairs. They found both of their great-uncles in front of the TV, Stan trying to explain some new show to Ford, but the old-school scientist just couldn’t see the appeal in a show about a bird and a raccoon terrorizing an amusement park. “Can we go see Luz at the Boiling Isles today, please please please?!” Mabel begged, using her cuteness as a weapon against her temporary-guardians. ‘You expect me to allow my kids into a dangerous world full of monsters and demons and some creepy witch?” Stan asked with a raised eyebrow, but then smiled. “Sounds like fun! Have at it.” Mabel and Dipper cheered and high-fived, then the hyperactive girl gave her Grunkle Stan a quick hug before running off into the kitchen with the sweaty teenage boy to text Luz. “Are you sure that is a good idea, Stanley?” Ford asked. The younger twin shrugged. “I trust her.” “Who? Mabel or Eda?” “Yes.” Ford snorted and gave his brother a sly look. Stan narrowed his eyes at him and grunted, “What?” “You like her, don’t you?” Ford asked. “Who? My niece or some creepy owl lady?” “Yes.” Stan laughed and punched Ford’s shoulder. “Yeah, right. Eda’s just a fun story to tell and a cool chick. She’s not my type.” “Right, because your type is gigantic man-eating spiders and deadly sirens.” Ford said sarcastically. “I saw the way you looked at her. I haven’t seen you smile quite like that since Carla McCorkle.” “That’s ancient history.” Stan said dryly. “I’m way over her. Besides, Eda and I’ve got our own lives. Sure, what we had was great back in the day, and yeah I’ll admit it, it was love at first sight, but love dies off, you know.” He didn’t at all sound a little bit bitter or hurt. Ford shrugged and stood up for another cup of coffee. “Maybe whatever you two had will come back. Look, I may have twelve PhDs, but I know next to nothing about girls and dating or whatever, but I do know my own brother, and I saw a side of you I haven’t seen in a long time: you looked truly, genuinely happy.” Stan stood so he could punch his twin’s shoulder softly. “I am happy, Sixer. I’ve got you and the kids. I don’t need anything else.” Ford smiled. “I can understand that logic. Still, try to keep an open mind, Knucklehead.” And he walked off to the kitchen for some more caffeine. ~~~~~~~~~~ Eda unlocked the door and soon a pair of Caucasian twins with brown hair and matching eyes ran through. The girl grinned at the sight of Luz and the boy smiled politely. Mabel ran up to Luz and the girls hugged and squealed in delight. “This’ll be so much fun!” Luz cheered. “I have so many things to show you! Tons of books filled with monsters, a real-life demon, I can even show you my light spell!” “Thanks for having us!” Mabel said to both Luz and Eda. “This is my brother, Dipper.” “Nice to meet you, kid.” Eda said with a wink. “The pleasure is all mine, Ms. Eda.” Dipper admired and immediately pulled out his notebook from his vest and was ready to take notes. “Do you mind if I ask you a couple of questions about your kind and what it means to be a witch?” “Maybe later, kid.” Eda said casually. “If you’ll excuse me, I’m off to take a nap.” She walked behind her dresser and snapped her fingers, magically changing into her pajamas. She yawned into her hand and made her way up the stairs. “Stay as long as you want and just don’t make a mess and don’t wake me up unless you wanna die a slow and painful death. Oh. Luz.” Eda tossed her the key from the top of the stairs and the human caught it. “So you don’t have to wake me up to send the other humans home.” “Thanks, Eda.” Luz called and the door closed. “So, Dipper, Mabel says you two do a lot of exploring?” She asked. “Oh yeah,” Dipper acknowledged. “Gravity Falls is filled with tons of anomalies and weird stuff. We’ve faced eyebats, gremloblins, zombies, ghosts, an army of angry gnomes…” “Wow! That’s so cool!” Luz said and opened the front door. “You’ll definitely like it here! I’ll give you guys a quick tour.” “YES!” The twins cheered and hurried out the door, but were frozen with shock when the door spoke. “Finally! Company! I’ve been waiting for someone to hear my stories! Okay, so one time a bug crawled into my eye and… OW!” Hooty was interrupted by Dipper using his journal to smack the talking owl head on the - well, on the head. “Geez! Ow! Hoot!” “Sorry,” Dipper winced. “Aw!” Mabel squealed and reached up to scratch the top of her head. “He’s so cute! Who’s a good door, who’s a good door?” “I dunno, is it me?” Hooty cooed, putty in Mabel’s hands as she scratched him lovingly. “Alright, come on guys. Hooty’s gotta guard the house while Eda and King are napping.” Luz said and led the way into town. Dipper and Mabel grinned as one walked beside Luz to talk and the other wrote in his journal diligently. ~~~~~~~~~~ Gus was squealing where he stood with Willow by his side. She smiled and rolled her eyes affectionately at her close friend and said, “Gus, if you don’t calm down you’re going to faint again.” “I haven’t fainted in two years.” Gus defended. “I’m fine. I just wanna know what Luz’s surprise is!” “I wonder if it’s a new spell she learned, Or a gift from the human world.” Gus gasped loudly and shouted, “What if it’s a tiny clock for your wrist?! What if it’s a ball that can float on it’s own?! WHAT IF IT’S A SMALL ENTERTAINMENT RECTANGLE?!” “Look, there she is!” Willow pointed the human out and waved. Meanwhile, Luz was talking to the twins as she walked with them. “Now remember that it’s rude to stare, never trust a man in sandals, and always measure twice, cut once.” “Measure… twice… cut… once…” Dipper muttered as he wrote Luz’s tips in his journal. “Got it.” “Now, I want you two to meet… oh hey! There they are! Willow! Gus!” Luz called and approached her friends quickly with her visitors. Gus gasped loudly and was then speechless, completely stone-still with his mouth hanging open. Luz smiled at his reaction while Willow grinned happily. “Hey guys! This is Dipper and Mabel, humans from the human realm! Guys, this is Willow and Gus, they’re my best friends.” “Wow! Elves!” Mabel squealed, at once catching the pointy ears and holding out a hand to shake. “Hi! I’m Mabel! It’s so nice to meet you.” Willow giggled and shook her hand. “It’s nice to meet you too, but we’re not elves; we’re witches. See,” And Willow made a circle at the dirt, making a pretty pink flower sprout and bloom. She plucked it and held it out to Mabel and said, “Welcome to the Boiling Isles.” “Oh, wowie zowie.” The human breathed and pinned the flower by her ear. “Thank you!” “Are you two really humans?” Willow asked. Dipper smiled as he pocketed his journal and pen in his vest; he knew these witches were probably just as excited to meet humans as these humans were excited to meet witches. “Yup. I gotta admit, I’ve seen lots of weird stuff but this place is even more weird and mysterious than anything I’ve ever saw.” “I’m glad you like it here.” Willow then noticed how little Gus was speaking and gently elbowed him. “Gus, say something.” She whispered softly. “Ack… ah…” The young witch gasped, the nerd in him overtaking his logic, his brain slower than a snail on a turtle’s back to the overwhelming fantasy coming true. “Ears... wire… teeth… round…” “Uh, is he okay?” Mabel asked. “He’s fine.” Luz said calmly. “He’s the president of the Human Appreciation Society at school.” “Oh, cool.” Dipper said. “So this would be like me meeting the author for him.” He added to his sister, who giggled, and then she asked, “So, what do you guys like to do for fun?” Luz, Willow, and Gus all grinned excitedly as they exchanged looks and they happily grabbed the twins’ hands and took them on an adventure into the unknown. ~~~~~~~~~~ Vexing off some frustrations and hoping to forget her worries for a moment with a successful evening of winning bets and making money, Eda counted her bills one more time. It was enough to slap a man like it was a glove. With her flaming orange hair everywhere, her shiny gold tooth sparkling alongside her excited eyes, and comfortable in casual human attire, it felt good to leave behind the Boiling Isles for a while and be somewhere new. Not that she intended to stay; she didn’t quite belong here. Eda reached for a slot machine handle and pulled. One strawberry, two strawberries, and a banana. The hidden witch frowned and growled in her throat, determined to outwit this thing. She decided to give it one more try before incorporating some magic. She reached for the handle only to have her hand touch someone else’s hand. Her golden eyes landed on a buff man around her age. He wore a red Hawaiian shirt, his buttons a little low to showcase a gold chain and a bit of chest hair. Scars littered his knuckles and he had a five o’clock shadow on his square chin, his shaggy brown hair nearly long enough to be a mullet. His brown eyes sparked with excitement and he immediately put on a sly grin that made Eda smirk in return. Instantly she knew this guy was going to give her a good time. He let go of the slot machine, shrugged and gestured to the machine, and said, “Good luck.” Eda smiled, pulled the lever, and decided to perform a small spell behind her back with her free hand. One strawberry, two strawberries, three strawberries. Blinking lights and spitting money clarified Eda’s victory and she punched the air several times. “Yes yes yes yes yes!” She scooped up her loot into her bag and challenged, “Let’s see if you can do any better, Muscles.” The guy smiled cockily and gave it a shot, rubbing his hands together and popping his knuckles. To Eda’s pleasant surprise, the guy got three bananas, earning four times the amount the witch won, and he gave a barking laugh that Eda found pleasant and full-hearted. “Eat it, toots!” Stan bragged as he pocketed the winnings and pulled out a big stack of cash to flaunt. “Sorry to break it to you, sweetheart, but looks like Lady Luck’s on my side tonight.” “You wish,” Eda snorted. “Tell you what, buster, let’s make this night even more interesting.” The guy raised an eyebrow at her. “Oh?” “You and I play against each other for the rest of the evening. Whoever wins the most from this point forward… I don’t know, the winner lives in glory and the loser wallows in eternal shame.” The guy leaned across the machine, still as cocky as ever with a smile as sly as a fox. “How about loser treats winner out to breakfast?” Eda crackled a laugh and held out a hand to shake. “You've got a deal.” The guy took her hand, shook it, and said, “Name’s Stan by the way.” Eda said the first back-up name that came to mind. “Marilyn.” She would be an idiot to give away her real name in a dodgy place like Las Vegas. And so the competitive game of betting at the club began. From poker to blackjack to straight-up dice rolling and slot machines, the two spirited and care-free adults roamed the casino with one goal: to kick the other’s butt. All the while they talked like they were old friends. It was crazy ridiculous how easy their talks were. Everything just worked. Between cocktails and anything with a buzz, the two were foul cheaters, one brilliantly street-smart and the other crafty and gifted with a certain set of skills. One time Stan tried to leave a table and fell on his face to find his shoelaces tied, even though he could have sworn Eda never had a chance to prank him. Eda quickly liked this guy a lot; he was fun! She could poke fun at him without worrying about hurting his wittle feewings, rather he would poke back and make her laugh. Even as she threw dice at his head once in order to swipe his winnings, he grabbed her wrist, tickled her ribs, and swiped some of her gold; Eda retaliated by pouncing on him like a bird after her prey and they wrestled for a moment before Stan threw her down and laughed. Eda grinned, impressed he could fight, and they high-fived before moving on. It was a close call, but by three in the morning Stan was richer by five bucks, so Eda shrugged and said she was only passing through and wondered if he knew a place with edible food. Stan, who had been living in town for about a month, took her in the Stanmobile and drove her to a cheap 24-hour diner by the interstate. The whole time they chatted pleasantly, making fun of the other and telling stories and generally having a good time. As Stan drove and his hair became a wild mess, Eda smiled at him; she had never felt this way about anyone. No one challenged her or made her feel this important. And so Eda found herself eating pancakes with tons of strawberries and strawberry syrup, sipping a mug of black coffee. Stan was telling another story in between bites of pancake with eggs and plenty of bacon, his coffee also as black as the night. Eda listened, entertained, and held her mug with both of her pale hands to keep them warm. “... so I said to the bouncer, ‘where’s your idea, ugly?’ And that’s how I got this scar.” And Stan rolled back his sleeve to show off the proof of his story. Eda laughed and tilted her head up to show a tiny scar under her chin. “I got this one from playing with my sister. She tricked me and I ran after her and tripped over a tree root and landed on a rock. Blood was everywhere, Mother was furious at her, which was all the payback I needed; she almost never got into trouble.” “Ah, got a goody-two-shoes sibling, huh?” Stan asked, leaned back in his booth as he ate another piece of bacon. “Can you relate?” Stan laughed. “Yeah, my older brother Shermie’s a total square. He’s an okay guy, though. Made me an uncle.” “That’s nice.” Eda said. “Lily will never make me an aunt; she’s already married to the law.” She groaned, adding a gagging noise for comedic effect, and she sipped her coffee. “Ugh, are you related to a cop?” Stan groaned and held his forehead as he smiled. “More like a detective.” “Hey, I had an uncle who was a detective.” Stan remembered. “Cool guy; smoked a pack a day, but he had this bachelor's apartment in New York City and cracked tons of cases. He wasn’t afraid to get his hands dirty, good ole Uncle Jack. So, do you still talk to your sister, or…” Eda shrugged. “Not really. She decided I wasn’t good enough for her and I decided she wasn’t worth it, so we kinda went our separate ways.” Stan nodded solemnly, his eyes elsewhere. “It happens. I don’t really talk to my family anymore.” “Sorry.” She said sympathetically, her eyes anywhere but her date. “Meh. I’m not.” Stan lied easily. “If the guy wants to go to some smarty-pants school and live a boring life, always knowing what’s gonna happen, that’s his mistake.” Eda smiled and chuckled under her throat. “My thoughts exactly. Life isn’t proper; it’s wild and unpredictable, but that’s what makes it so beautiful.” Stan smiled and pointed at her. “I like your philosophy, babe.” “Your’s isn’t so bad, handsome.” Eda replied in her mug. “Could use some polishing, but hey what do I know?” Stan smiled and the conversation shifted. That drunken state a lack of sleep will give you, but neither were willing to turn in just yet. Eda still had a goal she wanted to reach before leaving town; if she wanted to more than double her winnings, she would have to be slippery, but she couldn’t help but have an amazing time and actually feel something beyond an excitement for trouble. About an hour later, now only snacking on coffee and water and probably pissing off their waiter, Eda asked, “Hey Stan, wanna marry me?” Stan stared at her, breathing in water, and needing a minute to clear his windpipes before answering. “I don’t think you wanna do that, Marilyn. You hardly know me.” He said darkly, leaning forward and looking down. Eda took the hand that was lying on the table and squeezed it gently. “I know enough.” She stood, leaned over the table, and kissed Stan. It was actually really nice. Like, really nice. Sure she could do without the taste of coffee and the sticky syrup on his lips, but when he kissed back and had a hand in her wild hair Eda’s heart was pounding faster, excitement and adrenaline being the witch’s favorite drug. When they parted and Eda had a knee on the table, Stan nodded. “Okay. I’ll marry you.” Half an hour later, they both stood in front of Cupid with brush hair and teeth and Eda had a bundle of roses Stan had shoplifted for her. After a quick exchange of “I do”s and speeding back to Stan’s motel room, they both quickly undressed and reaped from the benefits of being a couple. ~~~~~~~~~~ Hungover and tired from an all-nighter, Eda slept in Stan’s arms nearly all day, finally waking up around three in the afternoon with Stan still asleep. She laid there and smiled, eyes closed and enjoying having such warm and strong arms wrapped around her. After spending so many years alone, it was nice to sleep with someone she loved. Heck, she may love him but he didn’t need a witch criminal in her life. And Eda’s life was too unpredictable to risk being tied down. So she went over her plan and was confident it would work. It might hurt for a minute, but soon Stan would look back on this and laugh. He was just that kind of guy. After coffee and some bananas to help with the headaches, Stan got in the shower, leaving Eda alone. Perfect. Even all of their winnings from last night were on the table. Quickly re-dressing with a snap of her fingers, the cunning witch quietly scooped up the cash into her bag and hung it over her shoulder. She looked around the room and considered taking a souvenir, a human artifact to sell, but while Stan had many things she liked (many things others saw as garbage), Eda decided to go easy on her husband; she owed him that. In her neon pink shirt, blue-jean skirt, and heeled boots, Eda quietly opened the door and tip-toed out of the room. But then she suddenly heard the sounds of the shower being turned off and the curtains being drawn back. Right, males took shorter showers. Eda quickly left and let the door make a loud-ish click noise. Let’s give Stan a warning. Let him fight for it, maybe. The red Diablo was right in front of her, giving her an idea. Rather than running away to then later duck through a door, Eda changed her plan; she was going to give Stan one hell of an adventure. She made circles on the door and it unlocked, then used circles on the engine and the cluttered car roared to life. She grinned, her golden tooth sparkling and her eyes ablaze like her hair, and just as Stan stood at the motel’s door in a maroon bathrobe and a towel held by his wet hair, Eda stepped on the gas and happily let the tires screech her farewell. “HEY!” Eda cackled and snorted all the way out of the motel’s parking lot and down the street. She relaxed and even rolled down the window to lean out and enjoy some fresh air. Not the same as flying, but close enough. Eda was going over her escape plan in her head when she noticed something behind her. She even turned her head back surprisingly far and saw Stan - still in his bathrobe - chasing after her in a stolen motorcycle. Eda grinned. “I knew I married that guy for more than one reason.” She sped up and happily dodged traffic and pedestrians. In fact, one or two things in her way may or may not have floated above her and then safely come back down, but who knows? First the lights, then the sirens. The witch knew what that meant: the guards of the human realm. She glanced back at her mirror and saw Stan being followed by three cop-cars. One cop even called to her on the radio, but she ignored it and headed for the interstate out of Las Vegas. Time to make history. Just as she merged, Stan did the same, but the cops were forced to wait for an opening. Stan somehow managed to speed up next to Eda. “What the hell, Marilyn?!” He yelled. “Sorry, handsome, gotta keep you on your toes.” Eda said coolly, leaning on her elbow on the window. “Gotta keep life unpredictable, y’know?” She added with a wink and sped up, leaving Stan behind. He sped up a bit, slowly catching up, and Eda could see that the cops were on the interstate. Time for the grand escape. The Stanmobile was brought off the busy road and down into the sandy desert. Down into the mouth of a canyon Eda sped, with the bike still closely behind her. Eda grinned, swerved behind a sharp rock, and jumped out with her bag on her shoulder. She dug through the pocket of her skirt for her key and pressed the eye. Just as Stan swerved around the sharp rock, she blew him a kiss with a foxy wink and disappeared. Stan stared, red-faced and still in his bathrobe, as the doorway disappeared. The cops finally caught up as Stan tried to wrap his head around whatever happened, and the one in charge asked him, ”Where did she go?!” The conman quickly collected his thoughts. “Dunno, car was like this when I caught up. She’s probably somewhere in this canyon.” While the police searched the canyon for a runaway newlywed, Stan smiled, impressed with her work, and checked his still-running car. It looked like she had hot-wired his baby and hadn’t taken any of his junk, but what was really weird was there was a feather in the driver’s seat. Huh. ~~~~~~~~~~ Episode Placement: GF = after finale (S3?) OH = between S1E9 and E10 After finally being accepted into Hexside, not only did Luz become more invested in learning about the historical wizarding school, she became even more invested in learning about her mentor. Those permanent records giving tid-bits of Eda’s childhood really made Luz more curious about her, and she figured a good place to keep on searching was the old boxes in a storage closet. Luz had come across it when she had put away the not-witchy broom after completing a chore. Her eyes landed on a box on a top shelf and she grinned, wondering if old photos were in it. She grabbed it and sat in on the floor, on her knees as she rubbed her hands together and took off the lid to reveal a mix-match of assorted items. There were some pictures and photographs, but it was mostly filled with old clothes. Luz picked up an old “Over 30 and Very Flirty” t-shirt and giggled at it. Something fell out from the folds of the shirt and Luz picked it up. She squinted at the old picture and gasped loudly when she realized what she was looking at. “Is that…?”

#GF #OH #Owl House #gravity falls #crossover #fanfiction #fallen owls #shipping #damn it I ship it #eda the owl lady #luz noceda #stan pines #mabel pines #dipper pines #willow and gus #las vegas #my ex wife still misses me... but her aim is betting better!!!#and hell yes I'm leaving it on a cliffhanger #see y'all in two months!

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punkscowardschampions · 5 years ago

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Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: Oi Jimmy: You about? Janis: Here all week, like Janis: what's up? Jimmy: put the 🎤 down, I've got a different gig for you Jimmy: less funny but still a pisstake Janis: How well does it pay/will I still be the headliner Janis: dealbreakers, boy Jimmy: That's two questions that have nowt to do with each other Jimmy: you don't need the 💰💰 like you need the limelight, rich girl Janis: Oh, just call me an attention whore, that'll seal the deal 🙄 Janis: I'm just filling space where your question ain't yet Jimmy: what should is how 💕😍 I'll be all over socials Jimmy: slag for heroic acts, me Janis: What an offer 😏 Janis: Go on then, how am I saving your life today Jimmy: you're saving my 🐕 Jimmy: if you can Janis: It down a well? Janis: wrong way 'round, that Jimmy: Would I need your help if I knew where it'd pissed off to? Janis: I don't know, give me some details to work with Janis: when did you notice, how'd it get out, etc Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: just come here and help me look Janis: Where are you then Janis: Jesus Jimmy: I know you can't multitask, how do you reckon you're gonna 🙏 and 🏃? Jimmy: [sends her his location which would random af cos stubborn enough to be looking for ages before he asked for her help obvs] Janis: That's my whole life, dickhead Janis: alright, don't know what your dog would be doing there but I'll be there asap Jimmy: write the book on your own time, mate Jimmy: give it a cameo if you find it Janis: Sweet, you gonna draw the pictures? Jimmy: How well's that pay? Janis: Depends how cute you draw the 🐕 Jimmy: [sends her a deliberately crap quick doodle] Jimmy: there you are Janis: Bestseller, like Janis: so much 💰💰 Jimmy: I never said I'd write it for you an' all Janis: yeah well your grasp on the English language ain't all that so Janis: thank fuck Jimmy: you gonna write it in 🍀? Thank feck I won't be able to read a word Jimmy: can only fake so much enthusiasm Janis: Yeah, you aren't great at that either Janis: but let's not focus on your many, many faults Jimmy: Stop flirting with me, I'm busy Janis: Shut up Janis: What can I do but annoy you 'til I get there Jimmy: Have a look at what you just wrote Jimmy: you might do step 1 Janis: Charming Janis: I've been great, tah Jimmy: if it makes you feel better, we can pretend the 🐕 legged it with my 👑 Janis: What actually happened, toad Janis: unlocked gate or not coming back on a walk Jimmy: @iantaylor8 Janis: reckon I might get some convo there? Janis: 👍 for the tip Jimmy: next one'll be 💰 Jimmy: it were there, he threw a strop and chucked it out, now it ain't Janis: Bummer Janis: we'll find it, probably Janis: got a collar or any shit like that? Jimmy: [sends a picture of him holding it like 😒 cos Twix wasn't wearing it, thanks Ian you dick] Janis: 👎 Jimmy: well helpful, you Janis: I'm on my way, dickhead Janis: I can't summon the thing with my mind, soz, I know you think I'm special Jimmy: meant to be #suchanathlete Jimmy: get a move on, dickhead Janis: You know I live in the middle of nowhere Janis: give me 5, at least Jimmy: fuck's sake Janis: You thought I'd moved, yeah Janis: no such 🍀 Jimmy: keep 🙏 for that fake ldr Janis: not having to be 👀 with you would be such a bonus Janis: conference call that shit in Jimmy: not having to kiss you would be massively beneficial to me Jimmy: can't afford to lose any more body parts Janis: we'll find your dog and your ear, stop complaining Jimmy: 💕 Janis: personally, I think you look better without it Jimmy: you've got shit taste Janis: That's you, we've covered that Jimmy: you Janis: 🙄 Janis: take the 🥇 Jimmy: you earned it Janis: oh please Janis: you've run the gauntlet of shit taste olympics Jimmy: don't need to beg for owt, just take it, babe Jimmy: it's alright Janis: be quiet and keep looking Jimmy: been looking for ages Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Janis: 😕 Jimmy: actually 💔 Janis: Your brother and sister helping you? Jimmy: That a dealbreaker an' all? Janis: Nah, just wondering Jimmy: if we can't find the 🐕 then I'll tell 'em Janis: No sense in upsetting 'em if you don't need to, yeah Jimmy: my dad don't need another knobhead 🏆 Jimmy: gonna have enough shit to pack up when we leave Janis: Right Janis: not really coming to protect your da though Janis: dogs cute though so Jimmy: I weren't gonna @ him that you 💕 him Jimmy: bit rude to Mr Lucas Janis: let's not pretend you're doing it on mine or his account though Janis: just don't want me to move in Jimmy: not as my step-mum Jimmy: it might be popular on other sites but it ain't likely to be #goals with our demographic Janis: The lads would like it but they're less vocal with their 💕 Jimmy: more about the body language Jimmy: one bit specifically Janis: doesn't translate well with insta likes and comments Janis: less you can get 'em with an accidental doubletap but their gfs are all over that shit Jimmy: got enough hysterical lasses in my DMs, tah Janis: the struggle is so real Janis: poor you, like Jimmy: [sends her a highlight reel cos imagine tbh] Janis: Do you reckon they ever reread what they write or just send Janis: 🤢 Jimmy: I reckon Bill's turning in his ⚰ Janis: romance is dead, mate Janis: 🥀 Jimmy: re-read and don't hit send, my dear Jimmy: we're trying to avoid 💔😭 for now Janis: 'course Janis: I didn't say dog Janis: optimistic, me Jimmy: won't have to chuck in a box if it is though Janis: don't be morbid Janis: only so much I can take after reading those messages Janis: feeling well 💀 Jimmy: You'll live Jimmy: I'm out of 🚬 so there's nowt but fresh air Janis: That's truly the most devastating thing you've ever said to me Janis: I can get some though Jimmy: You heard me say I've been 👀 for ages Janis: Poor stressed boy Jimmy: Don't take the piss Jimmy: I am Jimmy: I've got work in a bit Janis: 'course you are, your dog is missing Janis: I'm not far from you now so once I get the cigs and get there, I'll take over Jimmy: 👍 Janis: been looking on those cringey neighbourhood sites, if some do-gooder had got it or it'd been hit, it'd be on there and it ain't so that's something, yeah Jimmy: Tah Janis: no big Janis: I'm not a monster Jimmy: if I keep waking you this early, fuck knows what you'll end up looking like Janis: Funny Janis: I weren't asleep anyway, you're alright Jimmy: I get it, gotta stay 💪🏆 Janis: Vampires don't sleep, baby Jimmy: do in the day Jimmy: I should be tucking you in, instead of dragging you out Janis: Add it to your list of failings and crack on Jimmy: ✔ Janis: you smoke [brand] right? Jimmy: #whenshenoticestheshityoucareabout Jimmy: 😍😍😍 Janis: 😂 Janis: Call it your defining feature Janis: along with the 😎 obvs Jimmy: duh Jimmy: nowt else going for me when this new boy shine wears through Janis: keep 🙏 for the day, like Jimmy: *🤞 Jimmy: me and JC don't know each other like that Janis: You don't know him, but he knows you Janis: not unlike your fans Jimmy: There's only room for one fit and mysterious lad round here so he'll have to do one back to the ☁ Janis: Hate the attention, you, well obvious 😏 Jimmy: I get it whether I want it or not Janis: They do Jesus dirty in the paintings Janis: can't compete with a selfie Jimmy: He knows what to do if he's fuming Janis: can't wait for the second coming when he fucks you right up Jimmy: #cancelled Jimmy: me either, sounds like a right laugh Janis: Miss me when I'm saved and you ain't Janis: how starcrossed ldr me from hell, bitch Jimmy: Suicide's a sin, baby, ain't you heard? Janis: so is most stuff, honestly Janis: but I'm 😇 looking Janis: gonna want me around Jimmy: no dickhead's hotter than 😈 don't you wanna be around him? Janis: 🙄 my type, yeah Jimmy: Do you want an answer for that? Janis: The devil loses in the end, you know Janis: back the winner Jimmy: love an underdog, me Jimmy: I get why you don't, rich girl Jimmy: probably get a 🦄☁ really kick that horse girl fantasy up a notch Janis: Animals don't have souls Janis: Catholic fun 101 Janis: gotta find your dog otherwise it's bad news all 'round Jimmy: 💔🐕⚰🎻☔ Janis: Cheery Janis: know you hate your job but plaster your customer service face on for me Jimmy: you inspired me with your little sermon there, like Janis: you deserved it, like Jimmy: For what? Janis: For implying I'd fuck the devil Jimmy: I never said owt of the sort Jimmy: just asking if you're off lads now 'cause of the one dickhead Janis: I don't think you can say all men are going to hell Janis: thought Asia would be 😍 for that sweeping statement Jimmy: I'll screenshot it for her Janis: 💘 Janis: cute Jimmy: where the fuck are you? Janis: ⛪ Janis: gotta go confess now, thanks a lot Janis: [sends actual location as she's coming up though like calm down] Jimmy: if you could rush it through 🤏 please Jimmy: I dunno, maybe pretend there's a character limit Janis: soz the priest is well invested in hearing all about me fucking the devil Jimmy: can't stop being goals, you Jimmy: come hell or high water Jimmy: tell him to put his 👅 and owt else back in Janis: Lord knows I may as well become a nun according to you Janis: get that good book and that good dick Jimmy: Oi I never said you should, I asked if you were Janis: Not really got the time, have I Jimmy: You've got all night 🧛 girl Jimmy: for a start Janis: When we're not fake out, sure Jimmy: I don't outstay my welcome at parties, that's the other dickhead Janis: This is all irrelevant Janis: and he can turn water into wine, he's never not welcome, boy Jimmy: I didn't mean him Janis: Now you're making it sound like I hooked up with Voldemort Jimmy: I dunno his name or @ do I? Janis: Ha, Harry, actually Jimmy: I never said I wanted to know it, but tah Janis: just trying to avoid Jesus related mixups, don't think he needs the ego boost if I'm honest Jimmy: 👌 Janis: This is you though, yeah Janis: hate to approach the wrong dickhead Janis: [waving like yo] Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: Don't have a bottle of wine in my pocket that were water, soz, just that conditioned to be fake happy to see you Janis: [does 💔 hands 'right, show me where you usually walk her, the route, then you can fuck off whenever you need to'] Jimmy: [walking like a rude hoe not even gonna say hey or anything okay then] Janis: [just shrugging like okay then but purposefully keeping up pace so he can't march ahead] Jimmy: [we strutting in stressed silence] Janis: [on phone, but making a socials post like if you see this dog, 'cos Cass ain't gonna see it on hers so doesn't matter and could help] Jimmy: [nodding at her like thanks when he sees it] Janis: [shrugs again like nbd] Jimmy: [keep going lads that poor baby dog needs you] Janis: [hit all them doggy hotspots like the park etc] Jimmy: [I hope she's found a 🐕 friend or something so she's not all alone and forlorn] Janis: [my boo is #concerned] Jimmy: [I am, she's just a smol baby and they haven't trained her or anything] Janis: [least we aren't being too evil] Jimmy: [I could NEVER] Janis: [asking relevant Twix questions 'cos you care but also to have some convo] Jimmy: [acting like you don't know cos you hate that dog so much #lies] Janis: [lowkey like why am i looking then boy but just via looks not actually gonna say it] Jimmy: [basically being like don't then as if you haven't asked for her help with exactly this] Janis: [walks ahead like I'll keep doing this but we don't need to do this] Jimmy: [keeps up because doesn't wanna be his moody af father] Janis: [looks at him like alright?] Jimmy: [just looking back her because no but god forbid you talk about it ever] Janis: [makes face like yeah, I know and goes in her pocket 'nearly forgot' and hands him the cigarettes] Jimmy: [we know the drill by now, ladies first without even asking which works as a lowkey sorry for being a prick rn too so] Janis: ['cheers'] Jimmy: [the most dramatic exhale of smoke/sigh but not deliberately dramatic just how he's feeling rn cos he's running out of places to look like Twix where you at babe] Janis: [gently nudges his side with her shoulder like it'll be okay but not saying that 'cos can't promise it so, running ahead when you see a dog walker to ask if they've seen any dogs on their own] Jimmy: ? Janis: [jogging back over but not coming fully, like you gotta follow me 'she reckons there was a dog that didn't seem to be with anyone in [a park but not Twix's usual lol]'] Jimmy: [does follow her even though he probably doesn't know where that even is because literally me and could get lost anywhere] Janis: [now gotta search every bush in this park like hellooo] Jimmy: [gotta call her name like that's not lowkey awks for someone so 😎] Jimmy: [also I know this is serious business but 100% needs to push her into a bush like my mum did to me/ jump out from behind one just because] Janis: [we all know you're not cool but yeah, some pet names are really awks if you have to shout them lmao, also yes, even if you jump way more than you normally would 'cos tense situ and then you're 😒] Jimmy: [loling too much because it's one of those days and you gotta but not gonna help her 😒 face you'll have to get your own back gal] Janis: [just handing him some dog luring food she got and jogging off like I'll go this way] Jimmy: [she should get her because start of a beautiful friendship] Janis: [I vibe, I'll see if I have a pic of them were she looks buzzing/smug enough lol] Jimmy: [when you hug the bae because you're so relieved that the kids won't kick off or your dad or your manager cos you won't be late now but also because she stayed and actually helped you and like who does that ever] Janis: [Twix like lemme get in on that 'cos full of love] Jimmy: [shoutout to the mvp she is for stopping that becoming too much of a moment] Janis: [and being awkward or anything like that god bless 'see, all alright, yeah'] Jimmy: [when he's probably holding this dog cos 1. don't run off again and 2. she's hyper af and needs to be licking his face and snuggling him so he's 😒 and a look like is it though but we know you love Twix really] Janis: [lols 'she knows you missed her, like, you can't hide it'] Jimmy: [lowkey throws the dog at her with a piss off kinda look] Janis: [gives Twix some love and a 🙄 at him but not harsh] Jimmy: [does it back because always] Janis: ['no excuse to skive off work now though' face like gutted] Jimmy: ['you could've offered to phone in fake sick for me, bit rude' cos throwforward to when we actually did that haha] Janis: ['if they let their barista boys have time off for every new girl, they'd go out of business' shoutout to your hot colleagues the flat whites sexually harass] Jimmy: [oh pete I love you my darling but meanwhile Jimmy is just shrugging cos wouldn't care if the CG did tbh] Janis: [punching, there should be another word for that 'cos sounds so violent I just mean a friendly tap like, his arm, 'come on, I need the limelight, you need the paycheck'] Jimmy: ['you coming in for a latte then?' we 👀 you shamelessly wanting to spend time with her boy, deliberately saying latte because she would NEVER] Janis: [scoffs in DISGUST honey 'not your real girlfriend, boy, though with the heartbreak she's probably just necking double espressos, right?'] Jimmy: [😏] Janis: [shakes head 'drumming up business and a bae, so evil, you are' as if you didn't send the message lol] Jimmy: ['You did the evil deed, Judith, square that one with your priest an' all'] Janis: ['or, did I do you all a favour, think on that'] Jimmy: [shakes his head like you've only done me this one favour rn ever] Janis: ['that's alright, no need for a thank you card'] Jimmy: [writes leave it out in the air with a flourish] Janis: [😏 'when's your shift then and what are you gonna do with the dog?'] Jimmy: [does her trick of checking an imaginary watch 'might chuck an apron on her and give her a go with the steam wand' but we know he's really gonna nip home first so Twix can snuggle with the kids cos had an exciting morning and she just a baby] Janis: ['you really gonna give employee of the month away just like that' does loser sign then looks around like hmm, 'cos you in town now, what are you gonna do, ensue awks] Jimmy: ['Reckon I'm safe, it'll be all them espressos if nowt else' just lowkey drags her along with him, bit rude] Janis: [just like umm excuse me but doesn't not come along like] Jimmy: [looks at her and the dog and back like she's not home yet, the job's not done 'won't get fake girlfriend of the month by taking the piss'] Janis: [dramatic gasping like oh no 'I'm the only fake girlfriend you have, babe, 'less it's your ultimate #kinkunlocked'] Jimmy: [dramatic gasp back like he's been busted] Janis: ['it's alright, already knew you were a pervert' accidental LOOK] Jimmy: ['before you agreed or after?' and a LOOK back of course] Janis: ['that'd be telling'] Jimmy: ['So go on'] Janis: [shakes head 'who knew or knows anything about you, mystery boy?'] Jimmy: [winks at Twix as if she knows all his secrets] Janis: ['nerd' but we all know she thinks it's cute] Jimmy: ['Oi, you barely know her' cos he is a nerd] Janis: [gives her more fuss 'the bitch is cool'] Jimmy: ['steady on, she won't fit through the door'] Janis: 'but if we can wedge her in, she won't be able to get back out' taps head like tada 'you just hate when anyone else gets compliments'] Jimmy: ['Busted again, me. You're proper on one this morning, mate'] Janis: ['always am, you're just in a good mood 'cos your bestie is back'] Jimmy: [snorts like if you say so] Janis: ['ignore him, he's a right moody dickhead most the time' @Twix] Jimmy: ['ignore her, right comedian so she reckons, might get the hint one of these days' also @ twix] Janis: ['She knows who saved her, mate, team me all the way'] Jimmy: ['go on and take her home with you, hate to break both your hearts, obvs'] Janis: ['hate to break your little brother's though'] Jimmy: ['my sister would fight you for her any road, a black eye ain't gonna be goals like the bruises I give you'] Janis: [lols 'there we go then, shoulda kept that to yourself if you were tryna get me sparked out'] Jimmy: [gives her a OTT scandalised look like why would I do that 'if it ain't #goals it ain't a goal of mine, Jules'] Janis: [a look like yeah right] Jimmy: ['if you wanna have a scrap, crack on with pulling Asia's hair or something'] Janis: [🙄 'bitch fight ain't my scene, even faking it, soz to the punters who'd love it'] Jimmy: [the heartbroken hand mime again] Janis: ['such a boy' looking at Twix like can you believe him?] Jimmy: [looks down at himself like he's so shook cos biggest nerd] Janis: ['not a compliment, Pinocchio'] Jimmy: ['isn't it?'] Janis: ['I knew you were a boy, you can have that if you're short on love'] Jimmy: ['bit busy @ing my dad about how much of a lad you reckon I am, hang on'] Janis: [😏] Jimmy: [lights another 🚬 cos 1. it's been a minute 2. such a lad 3.😎] Janis: #ladsladslads Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: such a flirt, you Janis: just so manly, bears repeating, obvs Jimmy: [nudges her like go on then tell the fans] Jimmy: gonna make me 😳 if you keep on Janis: Let me know if you've got it in you and I'll add it 'fore I hit send, like Jimmy: let me know if you've got it in you, more like Janis: You reckon I can't make you blush? Jimmy: do you reckon you can? Jimmy: that's the question Janis: Obviously I can Jimmy: What are you waiting for, a written invitation? Janis: Shut up Janis: I'm busy over here Jimmy: you're chatting bollocks over there Janis: The world needs to know the 🐶 is alive and well and you're such a #lad if you don't mind Jimmy: convenient timing that Janis: only a performing monkey when there's a crowd, you know that Jimmy: [a look like yeah right] Janis: [kicking his ankles like shh and not looking at him] Janis: you still owe me a good idea anyway Jimmy: I said blush not bleed, babe Janis: know what I prefer Jimmy: #kinkunlocked ages ago 🧛 girl Janis: then be nice and give me what I want Jimmy: [gives her a look like what do you want] Janis: [the 'you know' coming out before you can even think to stop yourself, then shaking your head and pointing at your fangs with a smirk like duh] Jimmy: [sets his phone camera on a timer like this is how long you've got to try and make me 😳 or bleed and gestures her over to a bench like] Janis: [doing a big sigh as if you're all ugh but really it's 'cos you're nervous but shh, once he's sat down, sitting in his lap of course but making a point of seeing if you're in-frame so we've got the pretense for how real you're shamelessly gonna be, looking at him properly 'Jimmy, I missed you'] Jimmy: [saying her name back because the only other time he has was when he was annoyed and that is simply not allowed thank you and hitting her with the 😍 #tooreal] Janis: [shuffling closer to him into his lap somehow when he says your name and smoothing his hair off his face with both hands then letting them come to rest on his shoulders, giving them a little massage 'I mean it' #whenthecameraisrollingandyouvebeenchallenegedsoyoucansaythisisallpretendifyouhaveto #adangerousgame] Jimmy: [so into it and would be even if he hadn't had the most stressful morning ever but because he has and because we can say it's fake SUCH A SOUND 'I know, I can tell' #boywhyhaveyoustartedsomethingyouliterallyhaveworktogotosoon] Janis: ['Can you tell just how bad though?' when moving closer has turned into grinding on him shamelessly] Jimmy: [a nod because speaking is dangerous rn fake or real] Janis: ['what else do you wanna know?'] Jimmy: ['What else do you want me to know?'] Janis: [tilting your head to one side like you're thinking, still rubbing his shoulders 'depends'] Jimmy: [his eyes closing because it feels nice which is not the word tbh 'on what?' because I have to ask] Janis: [little kisses on his eyelids then whispering in his ear 'if you're ready to know it all'] Jimmy: [have to kiss her to keep it vague and save our lives because is that a this is how ready I am or is it I'm kissing you so I don't have to answer] Janis: [either way, a kiss moment honey] Jimmy: [like we know the answer lads but we can't out Jimothy that hard right here right now so gotta keep you guessing babe] Janis: [finally breaking off the kiss, so reluctantly, 'Did you blush?'] Jimmy: [gives her his phone so she can look because shamelessly buying himself some recovery time after that] Janis: [not getting off him, just resting your head on his chest whilst you watch this back like comfy are we] Jimmy: [just playing with her hair like you're trying to fix whatever mess you made of it during that kiss, we see your flimsy excuse boy cos you're not being that soft about it rn] Janis: [making a noise like did you have to or can you legitimately not help it rn] Jimmy: [if he wasn't blushing before he is now thank god she's looking at this phone] Janis: ['that was definitely a blush there' pointing at some point in that recording like see, looking up at him 'you look cute'] Jimmy: ['you're taking the piss' because works for both things she said and he's a boy of few words] Janis: [shakes head like nu-uh] Jimmy: [pokes her like yeah you are] Janis: [boops his nose like no I'm not] Jimmy: [still has his hand on her waist after poking her so tickles her of course] Janis: ['don't drop me' so dramatically] Jimmy: [fakes like he is gonna drop her which makes twix cray] Janis: [just a look like see? she loves me] Jimmy: [such a dramatic sigh like ugh he's so over you both #lies] Janis: ['be nice'] Jimmy: ['or what?'] Janis: [raising a brow 'you're ready to find that out, yeah?'] Jimmy: [raises his own back at her 'why wouldn't I be? The scaredy cat's you'] Janis: [puts a finger to his lips dramatically like shh and nods to Twix 'she'll hear you'] Jimmy: [irl 👍 because good I hope she do] Janis: ['you're so jealous of our love, honestly'] Jimmy: ['bit busy with my own, she's a handful, like' oh Asia god bless] Janis: ['yeah I've heard about her cup size, thanks' 🙄] Jimmy: [lil lol] Janis: [finally getting off him like hmpf on the low] Jimmy: ['you've got nowt to be jealous of' is he being real or fake we'll never know] Janis: ['duh' and getting up up 'better get this dog back or you'll be late'] Jimmy: [literally has never wanted to go to work less in his life but come on lads] Janis: [we just walking along merrily like that didn't happen] Jimmy: [#socasual] Janis: [so casual nbd we're all friends here, is gonna need a 🚬 though but never asking just accosting him like 'scuse me] Jimmy: [do something else with your hands and mouths kids, cos you know he has to have one too even though he's had so many today already] Janis: [oh Twix, you rascally babe] Jimmy: [it's all Ian's fault as per] Janis: [at least something good came of it but not getting the credit for that] Jimmy: ['gonna have to get her chipped' thinking out loud cos you know Ian hasn't sorted that or wants the expense] Janis: [nods 'don't take a second, like'] Jimmy: [a look like that's good cos when do I have a sec but then shrugs cos gonna be so unbothered] Janis: [shrugs back 'might be just as easy to look at your fence sitch for puppy-sized holes'] Jimmy: ['I get it, I'm SUCH a lad, no need to go overboard' 😏] Janis: [shakes head 😏 'alright, get your sister to if you can't deal'] Jimmy: ['volunteering to wake her up and tell her to crack on, are you?' 😏 'Tah, babe, willing to go proper above and beyond, you'] Janis: [noise like psh no thank you lol 'way above my paygrade, ask Asia, I'd happily watch that'] Jimmy: [such a lol] Janis: [actual smile] Jimmy: [control your 😍 boy by nodding at the dog 'reckon you've done enough for a bit' cos genuinely is grateful we know] Janis: [forget about it gesture 'favour for the dog, really'] Jimmy: ['probably would've been kinda to let her find a new bunch of dickheads' when you're joking but you're also actually not] Jimmy: [*kinder] Janis: ['now you tell me' but nudges him like come on, you ain't that bad] Jimmy: [nudges her back 'yeah 'cause I missed you an' all' is he being fake about needing to see her so bad #theanswerisno] Janis: [looks at Twix like ?! 'is this even your dog?' 😏] Jimmy: ['Nah' cos lbr he's too 😎 for a dog like this thanks for that Ian] Janis: ['OMG, you're like soulmates' 🖤 hands] Jimmy: [gives her a look cos she said Twix was her true love and he was jealous before, like make your mind up] Janis: ['that's why you're jealous' points at Twix 'player'] Jimmy: ['you wish, dickhead'] Janis: [a look like obvs, dickhead] Jimmy: [blows a smoke ring at her in a sassy manner like there's your 💍] Janis: [waves it away 'show-off'] Jimmy: ['first place or nowt, baby'] Janis: ['have to show me how to do it sometime, like'] Jimmy: ['I'll edit it to look like you got the knack first time, keep shit goals'] Janis: [😒 'be a better teacher then, wanker'] Jimmy: ['I've already got owt else that Mr Lucas could possibly want, be cruel that'] Janis: ['cept my heart, but shh'] Jimmy: ['far as he knows I have'] Janis: ['he all up on the socials, you reckon?' face like ew] Jimmy: ['first in, last out' and a dramatic shiver like GROSS] Janis: ['least he won't dob us in if he wants more of that sweet, sweet #content' irl equivalent of 🤢] Jimmy: [sighs like our work's never done 'UGH, we'll just have to find another way to get in trouble at school' and a LOOK] Janis: [a LOOK back 'basically my specialty'] Jimmy: ['don't sound like you that' because she's so 😇 obvs] Janis: ['wait and see' 'cos you only did that one project together then school trip] Jimmy: ['Alright' when you're agreeing to still be doing this after the holidays unthinkingly there] Janis: [probably get to his house, assumedly the first time] Jimmy: [go throw Twix in with those snoozy kids and get ready for work quickly sir] Janis: [jus' chillin' like why am I still here lowkey] Jimmy: put the kettle on, rich girl Jimmy: [draws her a doodle of one like she's never seen one because got staff] Janis: 😱 Janis: don't know how you take your tea Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: you better leave Janis: this fake relationship just proved too fake Jimmy: we're over, off you go Janis: would you rather I guess and give you a shit cup Janis: come on Jimmy: might do Jimmy: but if you ain't up for the challenge Janis: You're ridiculous Janis: but fine Jimmy: #mayberidiculouswillbeouralways Janis: 💕 Jimmy: [did I fever dream that they take their tea the same way which was milk and two sugars? because I'm sure we said that in another convo but idk] Janis: [I also remember that and is how she's gonna make it so get ready to FALL IN LOVE BOY] Jimmy: [he's not gonna be able to control the 😍] Janis: would sir like his tea upstairs or down? Jimmy: [appears like the 👻 he is looking like a snack in his barista uniform which realistically she might not have seen before this] Janis: [when he actually looks good so you have to be OTT fake about it] Jimmy: [when you try the tea and you're like!!! so you have to be all like 'Oi' and call her a cheat] Janis: ['how could I, you got it written down somewhere in case you forget?' lols] Jimmy: [do the I'm watching you thing @ her all 😒] Janis: ['you just take your tea the only correct way, doesn't mean we're fated, calm down'] Jimmy: ['keep that to yourself' drinking that excellent tea] Janis: [🤐] Jimmy: [unzips her like but drink your tea] Janis: ['nerd' but does, of course] Jimmy: [holds his finger up like when you have an aha moment and starts looking in her mouth like a dentist in the manner of oh while it's unzipped lemme just] Janis: ['gross!' moving away so faux offended 'what are you doing, weirdo?'] Jimmy: ['lost an earring, gotta check you ain't swallowed it, girl' such a nerd goodbye] Janis: ['vampire, not a thief' look like how dare you] Jimmy: [' still stole my heart though' cos gotta be OTT fake sometimes] Janis: [finger guns at his chest] Jimmy: [gun at his head and death again] Janis: ['hot'] Jimmy: [😏] Janis: 'who's on shift today?' like she knows] Jimmy: [shrugs because could not care less] Janis: [tuts but 😏] Jimmy: [gestures like come on let's go find out] Janis: [shrugs like okay 'I've got a few to kill'] Jimmy: [nods to the imaginary watch cos it's unspoken acknowledgement that the flat whites won't be there that early and she can leave before they are] Janis: ['heaven forbid they leave the house before applying 50 layers of foundation, shit is time-consuming'] Jimmy: [so triggered thinking about his northern ex rn like the horrified facial expression would be so genuine] Janis: [nod of approval 'good acting'] Jimmy: [does the polishing his medal he's wearing mime] Janis: [when it's your nametag 'who the fuck is Jamie?'] Jimmy: ['you ain't met him? honestly gutted for you'] Janis: ['will he be on shift today?' skipping like you're so buzzing at the prospect] Jimmy: ['wait and see' cos word theft] Janis: ['ugh, tease'] Jimmy: ['Not trying to turn you on, calm down'] Janis: ['Jamie might be' shrug like don't count me out yet tah] Jimmy: [shrugs back 'he's a starving artist, owt for tips'] Janis: ['fuck you' 😒] Jimmy: ['fuck him, being right dickhead makes him your type'] Janis: ['good' like I intend to, oh honey lol] Jimmy: 'good' boy how you gonna be jealous of someone who doesn't exist] Janis: [when it's literally you lmao] Jimmy: [also he so hasn't posted that bench moment let it be known] Janis: [that's for the best literally no one has asked for that content] Jimmy: [haven't deleted it though have you my dear 👀 you] Janis: [we all know that was shameless so we're not thinking or talking about it ladeeda] Jimmy: [get into work boy, get busy cos we know you're thinking about fuck all else] Janis: [chilling not at all casually at a table] Jimmy: [make her that first ever 💣 smoothie please and thank] Janis: that your specialty? Jimmy: what? Janis: smoothies and juices and shit Jimmy: @CG_FAQ or whatever it is Janis: I get it, you're very busy Janis: 🤐 Jimmy: [serves some business person trying to get a coffee but is looking at her like 🙄😏] Janis: [💔 hands and shamelessly having a nose at his co-workers] Jimmy: [Pete is 100% there, hey babe] Jimmy: So? Go on then Janis: ? Jimmy: Do you like it? Janis: I didn't ask if it were your specialty to take the piss, like Janis: s'good Jimmy: I'll @ my manager Janis: I can do it for you Janis: seems appropraitely fake girlfriend of me Jimmy: I get it, it would be goals to get sacked for having a scrap with him when he's 😍 for you Jimmy: 🥇 plan Janis: I'm not getting you sacked Janis: how many IOUs would that warrant, like, no thanks Jimmy: you're meant to want to spend every second of every day with me, play the game, Janet Jimmy: what kind of fake girlfriend Janis: fine Janis: just 🤞 he's the hot one Janis: [going to chat to Pete] Jimmy: he ain't here, wouldn't have to @ him if he were Jimmy: the accent ain't that hard to understand Janis: oh well, now he'll pass that along for you Jimmy: Tah Janis: [sits back down like you're welcome] Jimmy: you hungry? Janis: I could eat Jimmy: [gets her whatever sucks the least] Janis: Tah Janis: 👍 Jimmy: Steady on, nowt on the menu's 👍 Janis: that was for you Janis: if I go up to the tip jar now I'll just look keen Jimmy: 💕 Janis: is that for me? Jimmy: Do you see any of my other girlfriends about? Janis: [does fake check] Janis: thankfully not Jimmy: there's your answer Janis: so special Jimmy: you're alright Janis: 😂 Jimmy: I mean it Janis: Alright then Janis: you too Jimmy: Oi Jimmy: I don't want your tacked on you an' all Janis: well I mean it too Janis: I can't say it 'cos you got in there first, psh Jimmy: 💪🏆 Jimmy: dry your eyes and eat your food, mate Janis: alright, dad Janis: focus on one job at a time Jimmy: edit that nickname a bit and you're good to # Janis: we're not fake there yet Jimmy: 💔 Janis: Sorry Janis: know you're the right age but that's about it Jimmy: RUDE Janis: Shh Jimmy: I will not Jimmy: and there's nowt you can do about it Janis: 🙄 Janis: don't you hate a chatty barista Jimmy: I ain't serving you Jimmy: already have done Janis: yeah, some daddy 😏 Jimmy: funny Janis: you've got my best work for the day Janis: 'til I workout anyway Jimmy: lucky me Janis: don't be rude Janis: saved your life Jimmy: you started it Janis: If you want me to call you that, put it in a contract and get me to sign Janis: that's not rude Jimmy: twist your own arm and 🖋🩸 your own oath, bit busy here Janis: Very impressed Jimmy: admitting how easily you are ain't very 🥇 Jimmy: you might wanna 🤐 Janis: Not got time for sarcasm either? Janis: 👌 Jimmy: When have I ever had time for your pisstaking? Janis: awh 😭 Jimmy: enjoy the 🎻🎻 I left you both your 👂s Janis: well aren't you generous Janis: tell everyone how not hard you go with it Jimmy: that rich v poor divide just keeps rearing it's head #awks Jimmy: and you're in the wrong 🗨 if you reckon every word's getting screenshotted Jimmy: @💀👑 not 😎🚬 Janis: oh, you mean my true love, yeah Jimmy: if the hair extensions fit Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: 👌 Janis: I'm gonna go see where they're @ Janis: brb Janis: [out tha door] Jimmy: in a bit Jimmy: [but watching her go like a forlorn 🐕] Janis: [going to the gym obvs 'cos got to go work this out can't sit in the tension this long without needing a moment] Jimmy: [do some work bitch but not actually because I like to imagine him drawing Twix on a wanted poster but doing an ^ un next to the wanted to sass her and posting that at some point #arthoe] Janis: [puppydog eyes selfie you do not need to send re. that poster] Jimmy: You pull a muscle? Jimmy: Hang on, I'll be right there to carry you out Janis: Defending my lady from your savage and swift pen, thank you very much Jimmy: go on Janis: Come here and I'll 🥊 ya Janis: only got the 🥺'til then, and it's harder to make you 😳 from afar too Janis: besides, wouldn't wanna make your customers even more inappropriate with you, even you don't deserve that, like Jimmy: if the subject of my 🎨 was such a dealbreaker you should've stuck around to be inspiring Jimmy: but alright, the selfie's a start Janis: A start, yeah? Jimmy: you heard Janis: Aside from my blood, what else do you want/require? Jimmy: is that a trick question? Janis: No Janis: wanna be as 🥇 a muse as a fake girlfriend Jimmy: if you were 🥇 you wouldn't need me to tell you owt Janis: 🥺🥺🥺 Janis: and you're meant to teach me how to blow smoke rings too Jimmy: I'm due a break, gimme a shout when you're done 💪 Janis: don't you wanna take a break break Janis: my current muse abilities will get me through the day alright Jimmy: and you admitting what hard work you are will get me through this shift alright Janis: that'll be why you want me to come back Jimmy: take both my jobs seriously, me Janis: hard work, I remember Janis: another #kinkunlocked Janis: I can give you that punishment, if you really want Jimmy: hot Janis: of course Janis: not a total amateur Jimmy: fooled me Janis: piss off Jimmy: [a little doodle he's drawn of her based on that selfie she sent but a deliberately quick one so we don't get into the #feels of drawing her properly yet] Janis: 🎨🖌 Jimmy: you looked cute Jimmy: [cos gotta steal her words from earlier] Janis: dead convincing, babe 😏 Janis: am I still coming or have you powered through with that picture? Jimmy: Do you still wanna come or are you too 😍💕 to be around me now you've 👀 that masterpiece? Janis: Obviously I need a moment Jimmy: duh Janis: not just to shower or anything, like Janis: full swooning time Jimmy: I get it, making lasses go weak at the knees is my full time occupation Jimmy: ☕ just a prop Janis: Do you pay tax on that? Jimmy: Who sounds like a dad now? Janis: 💰💰 is all I care about, of course Jimmy: with the wrong lad then Janis: take the bragging right of being just that good then, eh Jimmy: you trying to make me 😳 from afar? Jimmy: never stop, you Janis: that a request or a comment? Jimmy: What do you reckon? Janis: Maybe I'll pretend it's the option I prefer regardless Jimmy: can do Janis: tah for the permission Jimmy: well generous, me Jimmy: you said it Janis: I mostly meant it and all 😘 Jimmy: never said owt you don't, obvs 😘 Janis: especially not to you, baby Jimmy: stop making me miss you if you ain't showing up Janis: Stop distracting me and I'll be with you sooner Jimmy: you started it Janis: I purposely left so I didn't Janis: 😇 Jimmy: you did it before you left Janis: when? Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: I wanna know what distracted you Jimmy: you do Janis: Okay Janis: I wish you would tell me Jimmy: I don't have the words Jimmy: Bill's 👻 ain't here Janis: What's his order? Janis: tell me that Jimmy: Macchiato Jimmy: he's a slag for espresso but he 💕 foam 🎨 Janis: 😂 Janis: good answer, you really know all your customers Jimmy: that employee of the month 🏆 as good as has Jamie on it Janis: wait Janis: 😑 ugh Jimmy: ? Janis: Jamie isn't real Jimmy: What? Jimmy: 'course he is Jimmy: 👀 right at him Janis: 💔 Janis: why would you hurt me like this Janis: I was so excited to 👀 him Jimmy: He's got all the words for how distracting you are Jimmy: I probably shouldn't let you see him Janis: Please Jimmy: I dunno, he's a bit keen Janis: how keen? Jimmy: Bill'd be about it Janis: intriguing Jimmy: he is that Janis: How can I meet him? Jimmy: Haven't you got a plan? Jimmy: must not be that keen yourself Janis: I've only got to prove to Jamie how keen I am Jimmy: 🤞 he's easier to impress than me Janis: as easy as you are to make blush, I'll be 🤤 Jimmy: unless it's as easy as you are to make 😳 you'll be 💔 Janis: Do you want me to be 💔? Jimmy: Why would I? Janis: Won't it be awkward for you? Janis: me and Jamie Jimmy: You doing this to try and make shit awkward for me? Bill will be gutted he missed the #drama Janis: That's not what I'm trying to do Jimmy: We've covered that I don't care what you do, Jules Janis: That's alright then Janis: I'll crack on Jimmy: 👌 Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: what? Janis: you've made me so 😭 Jimmy: Baby Janis: make it up to me? Jimmy: how? Janis: hmm Jimmy: Oi, don't leave me in suspense Janis: I mean, what's a fair trade for making Jamie so hot and so fake really Janis: you owe me more than a cigarette Jimmy: nowt ain't fair trade here, what do you want? Janis: 😏 Janis: nerd Jimmy: hate to disappoint Janis: Baby, you could never Jimmy: if you're 😭 I've let myself down though Janis: depends Janis: that lot are so permanently 😭 they must consider it goals Jimmy: Nah, you just can't put nowt they do in the #goals category Janis: you know how to make me 😊 Jimmy: you look so goals when you are, I have to Jimmy: it's a 🥇😊 Janis: 😳 easy, yeah Jimmy: take the 🏆 Janis: alright Jimmy: is it? Janis: why wouldn't it be? Jimmy: It's not usually that easy Janis: you've told me three times now, hard work Jimmy: I know, it were me who said it Janis: yeah Janis: a lot gets said Jimmy: loads of # an' all Janis: it's like reading between the lines Jimmy: @ Bill's 👻 Janis: okay, convo 💀 got it Jimmy: come on Janis: Bill's is a macchiato, so I've heard Jimmy: He'll take a cold brew if it's ☀ Janis: Make me hate him more, honestly Jimmy: he's just trying to stay #relevant Janis: oh Bill 💔 Janis: ain't we all? Jimmy: would love to be irrelevant, me Jimmy: it's a hard life being this fit and mysterious 🎻💔 Janis: preaching to the preacher Janis: what a cross to bear Jimmy: don't rub it in that he's only got 😍 for you, girl Jimmy: 💔👴 Jimmy: I'm so 😭😭 and 😠😠 Janis: Oh baby boy Janis: I don't think a sexy old man costume is gonna be convincing enough Janis: gotta let you spread your wings Jimmy: too right it won't Janis: Well, I'm so SORRY I'm not enough for you! Jimmy: you should be Janis: you are so rude OMG Jimmy: you're so young and fit, it's well out of order Jimmy: what am I meant to do with that? Jimmy: gimme something to work with here, for fuck's sake Janis: God, when I signed up for a pervy older boyfriend, this is NOT how I imagined it Janis: fetishize my innocence ffs! Janis: like, you aren't even gonna try and use my inexperience to your advantage, WTF?! Jimmy: I dunno what to tell you, Joanne, dad's are a disappointment Jimmy: fucked if that weren't the type of daddy you were hoping for Janis: 😂 Janis: my own ain't such goals I'm tryna get another just like him, nah Jimmy: and I ain't got the 💰💰💰 so that's pissed on that angle Janis: guess it don't make no sense to keep you about Jimmy: on you go Jimmy: keep walking Janis: it's not been real Jimmy: it were real, baby and we were 🥇 Janis: 💕 Janis: very 😎 Jimmy: *😎🚬 Jimmy: nowt to live for now Janis: nowt to die for either Janis: but if you're ready to take that break now, Mr Brightside Janis: [showing up outside like hello] Jimmy: [appears as fast as he can considering he's meant to be working hard] Janis: ['alright?'] Jimmy: ['you?' because can never answer anything ugh] Janis: [nods but the slightly awkward vibe again 'cos becoming less clear what's fake, what's pisstake and what's real every day yo] Jimmy: [ain't that the tea, lights them both a 🚬 cos of course he does] Janis: [takes it, grateful for the distraction as per, after a while, getting more comfortable in front of him again 'you are a dickhead though'] Jimmy: [gives her such an offended look like excuse you 'yeah but what've I done now?'] Janis: [taps his name badge like hi, Jamie but smirks and shrugs 'don't actually owe me anything for it though, guess I see the potential funny side of it when you're surrounded by dull basic bitches all day every day, like'] Jimmy: [takes off the badge and chucks it dramatically even though he'll have to pick that up before he goes back in but the gesture stands like ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?] Janis: [lols 'yes, that is exactly what I wanted, you nutter'] Jimmy: ['Good'] Janis: [just doing the thing where you're trying not to look so you just keep doing lots of little looks] Jimmy: ['What we doing in a bit?' because you're already thinking about her leaving after this and you don't want to not see her later] Janis: [shrugs again 'until our peers actually wake up and plan parties, the diary's free' 'cos most teens are so lazy compared to these two so who knows yet, oh I was thinking though we should do a rave and/or a festival moment with them in this hol both would work well as prolonged fake dating but also the scenes are busy enough they wouldn't have to be ON the whole time but we know they would 'cos shameless] Jimmy: [yaaaaaaaaaaaaas I love that, we could totally do both like a rave in a warehouse moment that's just a night but then a festival that's a couple of days maybe because he'd be so ! about leaving the kids behind then but not something he can take them to] Jimmy: ['we could do' cos imagine them trying to plan a party please] Janis: [I agree, I think they're both valid plans, 'cos everyone could be at both, so we can have whatever we wanna/need to happen happen] Janis: [raises her brows like whaaaa but then tilts her head like she's thinking about it 'well we are basically prom king and queen of the moment so'] Jimmy: ['I get that you might be worried 'cause of being a massively shit host but you'll have me' 😏] Janis: [tuts at him loudly 'like I actually want any of the cunts 'round here to ever have a good time' a look like do you know who you're talking to rn but then 😏 'would be worth it to beat them at their own game though, obviously'] Jimmy: ['we need somewhere we can properly trash, so we can have a good time if nowt else' because not doing it at his gaff cos of the kids as much as I'd love to annoy Ian and we want somewhere aesthetic because art hoe] Janis: [taps her head like good idea and now I'm thinking on it] Jimmy: ['I hadn't forgot I owed you one, babe, but you've still gotta help a new boy out on the actual where, soz' scrunches his face up like ugh I know, I'm the WORST] Janis: [squishing his squishy face always 'don't reckon even MY bathroom is big enough to host a decent party, sadly' #bathgateforever] Jimmy: [grins because that's given him an idea 'Alright but how badly do you want your REAL boyfriend's and biggest fan's attention? 'cause there's one place I've yet to get lost on my way to'] Janis: [the IRL equivalent of ? but excited with it like tell me bitch] Jimmy: ['how about we do it at school, my dear'] Janis: ['okay, that's a really fucking good idea' the biggest 😈 grin] Jimmy: [when you're buzzing because you thought she'd say no because of all the possible trouble you could get in, which we know is why you're doing it Jimothy the mood being fuck you Ian 5eva] Janis: [little do you know how ready she is to burn it all to the ground at any point lmao 'I'd kiss you if that weren't a punishment'] Jimmy: [irl 😘 'you know how Bill feels about lasses who doth protest'] Janis: [when we all know you meant it the other way 'round and the temptation to say as much is REAL but trumped by the desire to see this plan through/keep being 'friends' so you just smirk and hit him with a 'yeah, yeah' and move on with details 'I reckon most people will be dead up for it, long as they can run and deny all knowledge of the who and the how when shit hits the fan, like'] Jimmy: ['tonight then?' because the EGO of this boy who thinks he can pull this together and off in a few hours] Janis: ['why not' flicking the remains of her cigarette away with a flourish 'use how fast news travels 'round here to our advantage, as per' shrugs 'standard, really'] Jimmy: ['the dress code's black, that's the hill I'll die on' flips down imaginary 😎] Janis: ['fine by me' runs tongue across imaginary fangs like duh 'they can always fall back on their school uniform if they get stuck, bit cliche for my taste but they are so' a what can you do? shrug] Jimmy: ['pjs for you, girl, better hit the shops now if you're down to the emergency pink pair, like' shrugs back but 😏 as he looks at his actual real watch] Janis: [rolls her eyes at the suggestion and the implication she wears pink PJs, pushes him gently towards the door 'get back to work so we can get to work sooner, I'll catch you later'] Jimmy: [just looking at her because he does not want to gdi but then has to add an OTT pout because too real] Janis: [likewise so obviously has to be as OTT back 'parting is such sweet sorrow, yeah babe?'] Jimmy: [when you just hug her again like you did earlier before you can stop yourself like okay this is a thing we're doing with each other now bye] Janis: [just leaning into that like you're such a hugger usually sure] Jimmy: [we're just friends who casually hug yep] Janis: [so casual] Jimmy: [go back in and try not be distracted by your feelings and your big plans boy] Janis: are we taking credit or are we putting this out anon? Jimmy: Don't you want the 🏆? Janis: you just want a reunion with your 👮 pals, obvs Janis: I don't care, it'll out either way so may as well own it, I guess, if you're alright with that too Jimmy: You said you wanted to beat these dickheads at their own game, bit hard to do if they don't know we're playing Janis: can't cough without 10 people commenting on it 'round here anyway Janis: and who else would actually have such a 🔥💡 either Jimmy: There you go then Janis: 👍 Janis: no need to post yet, do it closer to the time it causes more hype/no time for it to get shut down Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: You done this before? Janis: Party planning or breaking into the school? Jimmy: I already know you break into the school regularly for secret trysts with your 💕 Janis: no need when he's got the key 😍😍🤤 Jimmy: There's every need when he's 😍😍🤤 for danger Jimmy: unless his ultimate #kinkunlocked is your innocence Janis: Can only assume he 👂 to all those virgin rumours Jimmy: until I came about and he discovered he's all about that cuckold life Janis: all 👀 now Janis: from inside the wardrobe or whatever the fuck 😬😂 Jimmy: be loads of places he can 👀 tonight Janis: True Janis: loads of places to hide too, at least Jimmy: 👻 Jimmy: such an athlete, nowt you can do but run Janis: Not scared of you, like Jimmy: Bollocks Jimmy: first thing I learned about you is how 🙀 you are Janis: Well, no need to insult your intelligence rn Jimmy: #notthickjustnorthern Janis: 'course, hun 😘 Jimmy: ILY babes 💕 Jimmy: tah for keeping it so real with me there Janis: you know me, keep it 💯👌🙏 Jimmy: fave thing about you, that Janis: Awh Janis: so cute! 💖 Jimmy: you know me, never off Janis: OMG, that's like, totally in my top 3 favourite things about you Janis: so crazy Jimmy: 🤖 kink unlocked 🎟 please Janis: erm have you know none of my friends require batteries THANKS Jimmy: 'cause none of 'em are fwb obvs Janis: do you reckon this party is the time or place to announce that downgrade in relationship Janis: get it together 👏 Jimmy: Depends Janis: If you've got a 📢 to hand? Jimmy: well I were gonna say on Mr Lucas but now I'm fuming that you're doubting the size of my gob Jimmy: Asia would never Jimmy: she knows 📏 matters Janis: 😏 Janis: I'll make sure to spread that 'round then, if that's the new rep you want Jimmy: if you ain't got enough to do, I'll @ my manager about some shifts we've got going Jimmy: put a decent enough word in for you, mate Janis: I'll go in for the cliche getting the hot one to train me but then I'm getting sacked before any of the skeleton gang comes through Jimmy: I would but I'm forced to spend enough time with you as is Janis: 🙄 you and your big head can get out the way, tah Jimmy: it's proper sweet of you to fake failing eyesight for me but you still ain't 👵💕 soz Janis: I knew you'd end up going fully dellusional Janis: gonna take ages to deprogram you 🤖 Jimmy: just hit the kill switch Janis: don't 👻 or @ me 'til I've finished my trial shift, thank you Janis: RIP 🌹 Jimmy: Ugh Jimmy: so hard to please, you Jimmy: 🥀💔 Janis: just tryna save your lil ghostie 👀 and 🖤 Janis: 'less you're really the one who's into waiting in the cupboard 🤔 Jimmy: Piss off Janis: Will do Janis: got shit to get, PJs to cop Jimmy: RIP to my concentration Jimmy: such a distracting mental image, that Janis: was your request Janis: so entirely your fault Jimmy: you doing what you're told now? 🤤🤤😍 Janis: Depends Jimmy: ? Janis: just how pink the selection is Jimmy: duh, I should've worked that one out Janis: also if I can find any without the sassy slogans slapped all over Jimmy: #whenyou'retoobittertobejuicy Janis: 😱 Janis: how Janis: DARE Janis: you Jimmy: 😏 Janis: no matching set for you now Jimmy: 💔😭 Jimmy: Baby please Janis: You'll have to dress yourself now Janis: as a straight lad, we all know you're incapable Jimmy: come on, be nice to me Janis: Why? Janis: you're so mean to me Jimmy: 😱😱😱😱 Jimmy: never Janis: and now you're gonna gaslight me Janis: so typical 👌 Jimmy: Truce? Janis: Hmm Janis: calling that suspiciously fast Jimmy: No kid wants to have a party where their mum and dad are scrapping in the back Janis: Alright Janis: though I did not agree to raise any child with you Jimmy: I'll chuck the bag of flour before I get there then Jimmy: ain't named it or owt Janis: awh it looks like you Janis: so sweet 😂 Jimmy: might have to call him Jamie Janis: insensitive tbh Jimmy: don't sound like me at all Jimmy: is this gonna be the shortest truce EVER or what? Janis: if you're happy for me to be wistfully thinking about Jamie all the time Janis: then crack on, no arguments here Jimmy: 👌 Janis: Oh Jamie Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Janis: wish the school had a balcony Janis: fuck knows where I'm lamenting from Jimmy: get on the roof, girl Janis: 💀 pact request or? Janis: either way 👍 Jimmy: You still taking on board my requests or? Jimmy: #didwepeakwithpjs? Janis: wishing you used your wishes more wisely now? Jimmy: Is that a trick question? Jimmy: there's nowt wiser Jimmy: get you some slippers and we're near to 💕👵 Janis: 🖕 Dickhead Janis: the idea is to make everyone else 😩 not you Jimmy: we do Jimmy: nowt I can do about your face Jimmy: or your body Janis: devastating news Jimmy: I've had my 😭 about it Jimmy: old news Janis: let me mourn, god Jimmy: crack on Janis: [later] Janis: you out yet Jimmy: What do you need a hand to carry now? Janis: rude Janis: I'm bored Jimmy: poor baby Jimmy: where are you? Janis: [a random location in town] Janis: been reminded why I hate shopping Jimmy: you don't wanna take #goals selfies with me then? Jimmy: 💔 Janis: obviously Janis: gotta get something out of it Jimmy: meet me at [somewhere they can be goals af] Jimmy: 🤞 I don't get lost Janis: Come on Janis: you must know your way a bit by now Janis: not that far Jimmy: yeah go there all the time, me Jimmy: don't be a dickhead Janis: I'll start walking Janis: don't wanna make another poster Jimmy: but you LOVED the first one I done Janis: you're very talented Jimmy: 🙄🖕 Janis: Take a compliment, boy Jimmy: Give one that ain't a pisstake, girl Janis: Ugh Janis: that might be a challenge too far Jimmy: then like I said 🙄🖕 Jimmy: and you shut up, trying to get my bearings here Janis: you're adorable when you're lost Janis: that's sincere Jimmy: Where the fuck? Jimmy: this town is some bollocks Jimmy: can't find nowt Janis: See, precious Janis: did you live in a town before or like down a mine or whatever the fuck Jimmy: canary in a little cage, me Jimmy: just a lad and his 🎻 Jimmy: just the one 🥧 crust to ration out Janis: 💔 Janis: we get it, you can act alright 😏 Janis: the sob story ain't gonna save you now Jimmy: Are you gonna? Janis: don't I always? Jimmy: 💪🏆 you Janis: Tweet it so I know it's real Jimmy: [cue dramatic and 💕 tweet about how she's his saviour etc] Janis: coming for your 🥇 pisstaker 👑 with that one Janis: fairplay Jimmy: well I actually need you, bit real that Jimmy: if I said it I'd have to 💀💀💀 or worse, delete Janis: 🤐 Janis: I'll never tell, don't worry Jimmy: using you like a sat nav ain't very #goals Jimmy: reckon the secret's safe Janis: you mean your lack of direction isn't Janis: how unmanly of you Jimmy: it's a crap shag rumour waiting to happen Jimmy: Asia would dump me and my life would be OVER Janis: Nah, blind loyalty is their only redeeming quality Janis: 💀👑 ain't even tried to fuck them and they still stick around Jimmy: In fairness she'd probably ⚰ if she did have a go Janis: says you Jimmy: what are you saying? Janis: your stamina ain't braggable with those lungs Jimmy: HOW DARE YOU Janis: whoops Janis: 🙊 Jimmy: could run rings around you, smoke and actual Janis: there's fake and then there's madness Jimmy: there's 🙀 and then there's you Jimmy: sort it out Janis: Who's scared? Janis: Literally any time you wanna have an asthma attack, babe Janis: I'm ready Jimmy: yeah right Jimmy: all chat, you Jimmy: ain't even found me Janis: Bullshit Jimmy: ❌ marks the northern lad Jimmy: get a move on Janis: shut up then Jimmy: If you need a hand that desperately I'll send you 🚬☁ signals Janis: [showing up like hilarious] Jimmy: [fakes like he's gonna jump into her arms like a damsel in distress but obvs does not] Janis: [puts her arms straight down at her side like won't catch you boy] Jimmy: [does a pouty face and puts his hand out like hold it or I'll get lost again] Janis: [🙄 but does it, obvs] Jimmy: [deliberately goes the wrong way because nerd] Janis: [swinging him 'round like nope] Jimmy: [😏] Janis: ['can you drive?'] Jimmy: ['Are we stealing a car before or after the break in?' because he can but he can't answer a q] Janis: [shrugs 'I can take the speakers from home without it being suspicious but if I ask to drop 'em off at the school, like' gestures like you see my point 'someone will pick us up for a crate, no big'] Jimmy: ['I could take my dad's car but I dunno if they'll fit' shrugs 'be gutted he didn't get that very important memo about how much size matters'] Janis: ['yeah?' bites lip whilst thinking, tapping foot up and down 'should fit, just put the backseats down'] Jimmy: [when she looks so good biting her lip that you nearly lose yourself in the music AND the moment 'Alright' because he knows he's gonna get in trouble for this anyway and that's the whole point, in for a penny in for a pound] Janis: ['first stop yours then? whilst he's still at work' when you're looking like are you sure but you aren't going to ask] Jimmy: [typical that he lives right by the school and she lives 42 years away lol 'owt else we need from here?' gestures around vaguely with a 😒 face like ugh shops and people gross] Janis: ['better get that crate still, party'll supply itself but I still want some shit for us'] Jimmy: [nods and gives her a look like better get several cos can't resist calling her a pisshead] Janis: [pushes him lightly 'oh, and how many packs do you need to get through, Mr. Buzzkill?'] Jimmy: [a dramatic idk there's no way to know gesture 'such a lad, me, with SUCH good stamina] Janis: [😏 'come on then' and dragging him towards the shop like let's hurry it up] Jimmy: ['get ready for your close up and we can do the photo shoot in the car'] Janis: ['born ready- with this face, and this body' 'cos we ain't forgotten] Jimmy: [trying not to 😳 so hard rn] Janis: [knows and is buzzing about that payback] Jimmy: [lowkey nearly pushing her into some women having a chat in the way of everyone cos that playful shove] Janis: [unrepentantly not soz at those women but 😒 at him] Jimmy: [😏 to hide that he is soz cos didn't mean to do it that hard] Janis: [shoving all the booze at him like go get this but giving him the cash too 'cos not that mad] Jimmy: [does because whipped] Janis: I'm off out 'fore I get lynched Janis: you can find your way back from the tills without me, yeah Jimmy: 🤞 Janis: Adorable Jimmy: Shh Janis: Stop being so damn cute Janis: never getting served with that baby face Jimmy: Stop flirting with me Jimmy: You're too young and I'm too 😎 Janis: Spoilsport Jimmy: few drinks in me and you'll be 🍑📞 Jimmy: hang on in there, baby Janis: yeah Janis: gonna look top in my pjs Janis: who could resist Jimmy: have to be a 💪🏆 lad than me and there ain't none about Janis: Tah for being so real about my chances, like Jimmy: what are mates for? Janis: gonna hold my hair back too? Jimmy: yeah Janis: looking for a promotion to bezzies forever Jimmy: it's just always in my fucking way Janis: ? Jimmy: your hair Janis: oh Janis: fair Janis: if you didn't always go for the neck, would be less of an issue Jimmy: Alright, I can take a hint Jimmy: tonight I'll kiss you somewhere else Janis: [not answering 'cos 😳] Jimmy: [when you think she's not answering because she's like GOD NO levels of horrified] Janis: [ah miscommunication, least she is literally outside so we don't need to angst] Jimmy: [coming out cos job done, take a sec to impress her with how strong you are carrying all that shit] Janis: [lil clap and feeling his biceps like Prue] Jimmy: [🙄 but loves it] Janis: ['back to yours now?'] Jimmy: ['I get it, you proper miss her' shout out to Twix] Janis: [nods like 'course 'and we need to get changed to meet your self-imposed dresscode; good as you look'] Jimmy: [looks down and shrugs cos it's probably black tbh but we know you ain't going like that boy] Janis: ['and you have a car to steal' like need I remind you of the plan] Jimmy: ['ain't really stealing if you just grab the keys of the hook, but alright' keeping this so casual] Janis: ['trust you to wanna make it legal and boring' 👮 ref 'still not got insurance or a license, even if you are 45'] Jimmy: [a look like OI so offended 'loads of ways we can make the drive less boring, if you wanna get involved, Jill' stop making it so sexual thank you we all know that's what you mean] Janis: ['Obviously' a LOOK for good measure 'cos we all know what you mean 'not gonna make you do it alone, not very friendly' taking some of the supplies like see] Jimmy: [such a LOOK back] Janis: [don't drop your shopping lads] Jimmy: [that'd be awks, at least they don't have that far to go for this leg of the journey cos he doesn't live in the middle of nowhere] Janis: [shoutout ian for that one thing and one thing only] Jimmy: [when you gesture for her to light you a 🚬 for this one time only because your hands are full af] Janis: [thrilled about the novelty of that tbh] Jimmy: [don't think about how she'd have to get it out of his pocket and put it in his mouth and all that jazz #accidentalhotness] Janis: [its a mood and a moment and we're just trying to get home without dying here, also gonna have one herself 'cos duh] Jimmy: [so much eye contact goodbye] Janis: ['you're fully aware how much shit we're gonna get in, yeah?'] Jimmy: [a dramatic OTT gasp like it only just occurred to him just then] Janis: [nudges him like but really though] Jimmy: [looks down at all the shit he's carrying 'bit late for you to back out, but if you're gonna, go on, we can still half this'] Janis: [shakes her head 'nah, I know, I'm making sure you do, so we're good then'] Jimmy: ['not thick, just northern'] Janis: ['alright, hail of bullets it is then, babe'] Jimmy: ['that's the hottest thing you've ever said to me' cos have to lighten the mood when you know it'll be BAD when Ian finds out about any of this and like you want that but you also don't] Janis: [😏 'yeah, yeah'] Jimmy: [strutting along but in non-awkward silence for a bit] Janis: [living laughing loving like you're not about to get in so much trouble lolollol] Jimmy: [do we wanna skip to his gaff so no other moments happen along the way lol?] Janis: [probably, let's not get carried away yet when there's a whole night ahead] Jimmy: [you're still sober rn lads give it time] Janis: [hohaha] Jimmy: [when he'd have to check in with Cass and Bobby before he can even do anything else remotely, making them cups of tea and food and all kinds of bollocks, you better have walked that dog while he was at work kids we don't have time] Janis: [forever awkwardly there like hello] Jimmy: [like excuse him while he has a little argument with his sister cos she's had bobby all day and he's only just got back and he's basically gonna go straight back out] Janis: [soz girl, just going outside so they can do this in private like you're gonna smoke but you definitely ain't] Jimmy: [he's right back to being stressed because what a day we're having Jimothy, trying to do everything you gotta do with a clingy little bro in your face rn] Janis: [the joys of being an unwilling parent to your siblings truly] Jimmy: [I like to imagine he's forced them on the trampoline like let's all calm down] Janis: need me to do anything? Jimmy: 💀💀💀 us Janis: us in the singular or us as in me and you or us as in you want me to family anihilate Janis: the important questions save from awkward misunderstandings later Jimmy: right now I ain't that fussy, babe Jimmy: suit yourself Janis: Generous to a fault Janis: it's impressive Janis: I'll put the drink in the car Jimmy: 💕 Janis: set up the hose and all Janis: whenever you're ready, babe Jimmy: I read that you meant for a 🚿 Jimmy: about to bring up that rich v poor divide again there Janis: as much as the neighbours would be 👀 behind their curtains Jimmy: 👵💕👴 Jimmy: proper cheered me and Doris an' all, tah Jules Janis: any time Jimmy: you can use our actual 🚿 if you need though Jimmy: sight of you would 💀💀💀 her off Janis: Cheers Janis: couldn't hurt, even if there's no decent lads to pull 💔 Jimmy: that screenshot is being @ed to Mr Lucas Jimmy: such a heartbreaker you Janis: s'alright, just tell him he's a man not a lad Janis: answer for everything me 😇 Jimmy: get out of my bathroom actually I've gotta 🤢🤢 Janis: so jealous, so immature Janis: 😂 Jimmy: 🖕 Jimmy: how mature's that? 😘 Janis: SO impressive Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt baby Jimmy: you know it Janis: of course Janis: I am getting in now though so if you're actually gonna come in, bring your 📷 or don't, like Jimmy: that ain't fair, I already know what an exhibitionist you are, gimme a new kink to unlock Janis: I'm not making it any easier for you Jimmy: spoilsport Janis: not even 🥉 behaviour, that Janis: sort it out Jimmy: Alright, dickhead, appreciate the shot's fired but I still ain't 💀💀💀 Janis: Shame Janis: and no 🎟 for that one either, I know Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Jimmy: there's your 🚿🎵 Janis: Tah Jimmy: 👍 Janis: [after a suitable shower time] Janis: your turn Jimmy: 🏃 Janis: [awkward meetcute on the landing] Jimmy: [love that] Janis: [also she'll either be in a towel or in what she's wearing so either way we can assume 😍] Jimmy: [we all know what you'll be doing in that shower boy] Janis: [oohlala] Jimmy: [at least Ian ain't there to lament his water bill] Janis: [gonna have bigger problems soon soz not soz dickhead] Jimmy: [mhmm] Janis: [meanwhile not lowkey knowing where to put yourself rn, 'cos you don't wanna get up in the kids grill but also feels presumptuous just being in his room but ultimately where you're gonna be 'cos can style that out better] Jimmy: [bowl in with your towel on to make this more awkward] Janis: [just like um ah sorry run lmao] Jimmy: [put your clothes on and go find her sir] Janis: [just chilling by the car probably] Jimmy: [open the door for her thank you] Janis: [tipping your imaginary hat] Jimmy: [illegal driving time, don't die please] Janis: [to her house, which whilst so much faster in a car, still forever lol] Jimmy: [put your easter rising playlist on kids] Janis: [soundtrack to your love tbh] Jimmy: [and don't forget to stop somewhere in the middle of nowhere for your photoshoot moment] Janis: [so important, vital, some would say, ie yous two] Jimmy: [it's been an age by your standards cos he didn't post the bench moment the fans need #content 👌] Janis: [when that was too #personal we all know it] Jimmy: [whenever her actual name gets used it's too personal that's the tea] Janis: [no pretending then] Jimmy: [lbr there's barely any even this early on] Janis: [when you're just bad at this but that works in favour of being believed 'cos it's real lmao] Jimmy: [imagine if it was all fake like alright well bye] Janis: [you thought lads] Jimmy: [they'd have to be 🤖] Janis: [and you ain't, despite efforts bitch] Jimmy: [just like imma spend all this time with you and chat with you always but idc tho] Janis: [so realistic, the facts are if you actually intended to fake date you would have to do so little to make it seem legit, you don't need to really date lol] Jimmy: [literally could have do what Buster did for like 3 years and made someone up, he could've easily pretended he'd left someone up north but no] Janis: [like we know these girls are pushy but come on lol] Jimmy: [he's perfectly capable of being an antisocial dickhead and getting them to lose interest] Janis: [mhmm lmao, we see you, idk why we're shading as if this isn't out plan, like admit you fancied each other!!!1] Jimmy: [when it's a bestselling book/netflix show peeps gonna be shouting] Janis: [hohaha] Jimmy: [do we wanna do a skip or have you got anything you wanna do on this drive while they bonnie and clyde 39ing it] Janis: [hmmmmm, part of me wants to do it but maybe we should skip idk] Jimmy: [if you wanna do it gal we shall 😘] Janis: [tings could happen as they do] Jimmy: [thank god he needs to keep his eyes on the road because I can only imagine how 🔥 she looks rn] Janis: [I need to find pics but defs a lewk, totally for your benefit whether we're admitting that or obvs not, boy] Jimmy: [I'm being cockblocked as standard but he'd be serving a lewk also in the effortless way he do] Janis: [we're all 😍 up in here but still, conversation lmao 'did your dad teach you to drive?'] Jimmy: [such a bitter laugh because Ian would never 'I get it, the deathwish is a strong one, but let's get the party over and done with first, yeah?' because you know Ian would be a crap driver all that road rage] Janis: [obvs senses that's a no-go topic area and nods 'works for me, not a very cool way to die, 'less we're driving off a cliff' ha ha mems bye] Jimmy: ['controlling carpet salesman is more your type than the easy-going musician which is awkward' cos the musician's name is Jimmy I lol 'and you love a flirtatious stranger an' all'] Janis: [lols 'well, what a drag, not even gonna counter it because would LOVE a new carpet right about now'] Jimmy: [looks down at the floor of the car like understandable 'if you could keep your legs closed for a bit so all my savings don't get nicked by some obvs irresistible dickhead, I'd love that though'] Janis: ['I make no promises' 😏] Jimmy: [shakes his head like ugh what am I gonna do with you] Janis: ['am I the hot one or nah though?'] Jimmy: ['Your shit taste is well documented' like you tell me] Janis: [shrugs like boy idk 'not got it memorized' 'cos lowkey has no clue] Jimmy: [shrugs back like neither do I as if he didn't just drop all that plot on her] Janis: [🙄 'well now I'll never know just how much of a drag it was'] Jimmy: ['I'm the hot one, you should know that'] Janis: [offended noises] Jimmy: [poke her like excuse you but keep 👀 on the road so god knows where that hand is gonna land] Janis: [flapping his hand away like get off 'I am not willing to say you're the hot one, thank you'] Jimmy: ['what are you willing to say then?' why you gotta be so flirty boyy] Janis: [raises her hand like she's swearing in court ['the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me God'] Jimmy: ['sleepover was the other night, mate'] Janis: ['they weren't having no game of truth or dare with us' face like I wonder why lmao] Jimmy: ['gonna need you to take one for the team and express my heartbreak' cos he can't do 💔 hands while driving] Janis: [does 'though you're the only one not playing nice right now so, think on'] Jimmy: [risking a look at her like ?] Janis: ['we could play right now' like duh] Jimmy: ['what dares can I do with both hands on the wheel?'] Janis: [snorts 'don't tempt me' but shakes her head 'called TRUTH OR dare, just pick truth, and I gave you the chance to ask me first anyway'] Jimmy: ['I can't be pulling over every time you want me to do something' and a LOOK soz drivers 'but alright' cos can't turn down a challenge ever] Janis: ['you can keep your hands where I can see 'em at all times, promise' returning that LOOK but being 😳 by the time he's turned 'round 'go on then, ask me something interesting'] Jimmy: ['Nah, lasses first, gimme a dare, if you can think of owt'] Janis: [a sigh like fgs boy 'no, alright, let me think then' humming and tapping your lip to show how hard you're thinking about this 'alright, truthfully, if you HAD to bang one of the flat whites, who would you pick?] Jimmy: ['your sister' because honestly Grace is the least annoying not just cos Janis is not gonna be happy about it though that's a bonus] Janis: [retches 'shut up and pick someone else'] Jimmy: ['Don't ask for the truth if you can't handle it'] Janis: ['it's not the truth, you're a dick'] Jimmy: ['Yeah it is'] Janis: [😒] Jimmy: [nudges her like cheer up] Janis: [just shifting your body out of reach like no] Jimmy: ['Stop being a dickhead'] Janis: ['You first'] Jimmy: ['It were your question, I'd be a dickhead if I never answered'] Janis: ['we're not playing anymore'] Jimmy: [sighs but doesn't say anything] Janis: [turning up the music] Jimmy: [awkwardly driving] Janis: [getting herself a drink from the back probably very inelegantly climbing over all the shit, which is a bit rude but here we are] Jimmy: [a long enough pause that he easily could have dropped the topic but has not 'who did you want me to fuck'] Janis: ['Literally anyone but my sister, it's not hard'] Jimmy: ['would be' because ew imagine any of them and him] Janis: ['forget it'] Jimmy: ['You first'] Janis: ['fuck off, I don't have to do anything'[ Jimmy: ['I don't have to fuck your sister, it were just a game'] Janis: ['go for it, it's such an easy choice, like'] Jimmy: ['shut up, I don't wanna go for it'] Janis: ['whatever'] Jimmy: [is just looking at her like what the fuck are we doing this for if I was just gonna get with any of them, don't crash please] Janis: ['stop looking at me and focus'] Jimmy: [dramatically but safely thank you pulls over so he can just stare her out because that bitch] Janis: ['what are you doing?'] Jimmy: ['What are you doing?' so annoying] Janis: [the exasperation just like bitch, getting out 'I'm walking'] Jimmy: [obviously also gets out 'you're being a massive twat'] Janis: ['then get back in your car and leave me alone'] Jimmy: ['no'] Janis: ['well I'm not getting back in'] Jimmy: ['Well it's getting left here then, wherever the fuck here is'] Janis: ['Don't be ridiculous'] Jimmy: ['you'] Janis: ['I've not done anything wrong, I want to walk, go away' pushing him in the general direction of the car] Jimmy: [gets back in the car like fine but it's not fine] Janis: [just sitting on the side of the road fuming 'cos you've not even got the speakers yet] Jimmy: [when you can't even have a drink #gutted] Janis: go to my house Janis: I'll tell my brother you're coming to pick the gear up Jimmy: I'm not going without you Janis: for fuck's sake Jimmy: get in Janis: don't look at me don't talk to me Janis: alright Jimmy: 👌 Janis: [gets in and slams the door] Jimmy: [well this is fun kids, but hey at least we're moving again] Janis: [dramatically looking out this window] Jimmy: [turns the music up even more] Janis: [turns it down 'cos petty] Jimmy: [is so 😒 but leaves it] Janis: [get these speakers quick] Jimmy: [imagine the weird vibe when they do, oooh someone's had a domestic] Janis: [also gotta hope said sibling doesn't dob you in 'cos Jimmy is not old enough to be driving we all know this] Jimmy: [also hope Grace isn't home cos AWKWARD] Janis: [safe to say you will not be coming to this soiree anyway] Jimmy: [thank goodness none of them are for a multitude of reasons] Janis: [just both dying to be out this car now, on your phone giving people details so at least you've got an excuse/something to do] Jimmy: [what a hilarious drive back that would be] Janis: ['everyone's coming'] Jimmy: [nods in recognition of her saying that but we all know he's not bothered rn] Janis: [what if she invited Pete though] Jimmy: [BITCH OMG DO IT] Janis: [dragging you into this soz boy] Jimmy: [because they haven't been coupley af at his work yet or anything and neither of them has really interacted with him so it makes it more blatant] Janis: [gotta be done] Jimmy: [I am living] Janis: [we can probably skip now we aren't getting past this lol] Jimmy: [yeah agreed, like all he's gonna do is get back dump the shit then take the car back and check the kids are okay and then walk back to the school all in a moody silence so] Janis: [we know the vibe, blatantly taking advantage of how fast this party is gonna get out of control to avoid each other] Jimmy: [raid Ian's stash while you're there boy because stronger stuff that's so needed] Janis: [sudden life and soul like excuse me whilst I talk to everyone and accept all the drinks etc] Jimmy: [the fakest she's ever been] Janis: [hostess with the mostest] Jimmy: [we all know that's a fuck you too cos he called her a shit host] Janis: [getting turnt, locating Pete] Jimmy: [he's straight up gonna drag her away from that boy, soz pete] Janis: [he's gonna be so confused like hello? meanwhile 'well, that was rude'] Jimmy: [having to style it out to everyone like I just really miss her excuse me 'rude is right, what did you invite him for?'] Janis: [shrugs 'cos he's cool?'] Jimmy: ['how the fuck would you know?'] Janis: ['I talked to him' that was barely an exchange but pop-off 'anyway, there are so many people here, what does it matter?'] Jimmy: [😒 af but you can pretend it goes with what you're about to say 'my manager gonna turn up in a bit an' all or what?'] Janis: ['if he's cool too, maybe'] Jimmy: [walking away but giving her a look like you're such a dick] Janis: ['great talk' shouted after him] Jimmy: ['if you were cool, might've been' shouted back because so mature] Janis: [💔] Jimmy: ['Open with that, next lad you have a great talk with'] Janis: ['Thanks for the suggestion' and walking away to get fully lost in this crowd] Jimmy: [likewise walking off to somewhere he can be on his own or as close to that as we're getting in this chaos] Janis: [least there is an abudance of classrooms, they can't all be full yet] Jimmy: [get drunker because what could go wrong there] Janis: [oh lord, the only way is down] Jimmy: [I've just had the MOST EVIL thought because Pete also smokes do you see where I'm going with this] Janis: [I think I do you lil shrew] Jimmy: [not actually a MOMENT but when you're jealous af everything's a moment] Janis: [is nothing sacred] Jimmy: [how dare you smoke with other hot baristas] Janis: [you don't even smoke lol] Jimmy: [so yeah do you wanna do that? 😈] Janis: [why not, we're out here fucking everything up now] Jimmy: [when you're straight up just gonna try and leave this party boy please I'm not allowing that] Janis: [when you don't even get why he's just immediately turned around so offended so you think it's purely 'cos he doesn't want to see you rn so you go off into the main hall again like okay] Janis: go smoke, I've moved now Jimmy: go where you like Jimmy: I'm going home Janis: erm why Jimmy: 1. you heard me before, fuck who you want but don't make me look a twat Jimmy: 2. I don't need to be here Jimmy: 3. I don't wanna be here Janis: 1. I've not fucked anyone Janis: 2. so you're gonna leave me to get in trouble when that's the entire point of this whole thing to you, apparently Janis: 3. see 2 Jimmy: I've got no shortage of shit I can do to get in trouble Jimmy: You can have this one Janis: Bullshit am I taking the fall for you now Jimmy: bat your eyelashes and tell it were all my idea Jimmy: nowt even fake in that Janis: fuck off with that too Janis: you're being so stupid Jimmy: yeah proper smart move to be all over my co-workers Janis: Hardly Janis: I was talking to him, not a crime Jimmy: Piss off Jimmy: I have to see him every day at the same place those bitches go every day Janis: So Janis: I thought you might like someone here you actually know Jimmy: So it ain't very goals when your girlfriend is a massive slag Janis: I already told you Janis: I was talking to him, fuck all else Jimmy: And who else 👀 that? Janis: I've talked to plenty of people here Janis: and the reason I'm not talking to you is your fault so you can't put that on me Jimmy: Get in a darker corner and get a bit closer, sure we can still spin that so it's my fault somehow Janis: Jesus, I'm not an idiot and I'm not trying to fuck him Jimmy: we're surrounded by idiots, stick to the fucking script or exit stage left Janis: I'm making best of the situation Janis: but fine, let's both leave, this whole exercise has been fucking pointless Jimmy: Me an' all, this ain't happening to me again Jimmy: I loved her, I don't even like you Janis: What are you talking about Jimmy: leave it out Janis: You said it Janis: typed it Jimmy: I can't hypothetically fuck your sister with a gun to my head, you can't actually fuck anyone I know Janis: We were having a cigarette, that's what you 👀 Janis: if that pisses you off then you can see why you pissed me off Janis: that's that Jimmy: I never said I couldn't see why you were pissed off Jimmy: not blind Janis: Yes you did Janis: you still don't even get it now, so fuck that Jimmy: I get it Jimmy: but I'm never going near your sister Janis: then you don't Jimmy: I didn't invite her here to piss you off Janis: You didn't have to pick her Jimmy: You wanted honest Janis: Yeah, and if you can't see she's the worst Janis: then I don't want to be your friend and you don't get it Jimmy: I picked her 'cause she's barely spoken to me Jimmy: she's never barged in on me in the bathroom or awkwardly flirted with me Jimmy: there's nowt else to it Janis: I'm over this Jimmy: come on Jimmy: I don't like anyone, least of all any of them Janis: Fine Jimmy: is it? Janis: Sure Janis: it just proves how stupid this is Janis: you don't know me, I don't know you, we've got nothing in common Jimmy: that were the point Jimmy: you can't fake owt with someone who knows you Janis: that ain't the point in being friends Janis: to think we could do both was the mistake Janis: so let's drop it Jimmy: Alright Jimmy: but this party were a good idea Jimmy: is Janis: I hope so Jimmy: just stay Janis: whatever Janis: I had and ave reasons to be here too, I never said I didn't Jimmy: yeah Janis: enjoy your party, Jimmy Jimmy: 🤞 Janis: 👍 Jimmy: in a bit then Janis: Make it a lot later okay Jimmy: suits me Janis: when are you going to be done with this? Jimmy: When are you? Janis: I'm fine now, no one thinks I'm gay Janis: but I'll hold up my end of the deal Janis: so get to your end point and tell me Jimmy: Lasses are gonna fancy me however long this goes on, soon as we end it I'll be back at square one Jimmy: might as well do it now if that's what you want Janis: So what was your plan Janis: do it 'til you found a real girlfriend, what? Jimmy: how do you expect me to plan for that level of crazy? Jimmy: I'll be gone soon Jimmy: be a new boy somewhere else Janis: You'll forgive me for not having much sympathy Janis: only been dealing with it forever Janis: and when is that gonna be, exactly Jimmy: hang on, I'll @ my dad and ask him Jimmy: doubt he'll mind Janis: I don't think either of us knew how long we were signing up for Janis: that's the point, yeah? Jimmy: don't worry about it, this party'll get me one foot out Janis: Good Jimmy: steady on, we ain't gotta have nowt in common Janis: You aren't funny Janis: so no danger Jimmy: ain't gotta be that either, have I? Jimmy: trying to repel the lasses not the other way round Janis: you aren't that special, you know Jimmy: it's not me saying I am Janis: no Jimmy: just trying to keep my head down Jimmy: it ain't my fault they like the look of it Janis: you've really fucked everything up Janis: but maybe that ain't your fault Jimmy: I have got form, probably is Janis: You love moping Janis: have it Jimmy: 👍 Janis: why'd you lie Jimmy: What? Janis: I ust wanna know what the point of saying you wanted to be my friend was Jimmy: I weren't lying Janis: You clearly didn't want to be my friend Jimmy: Bollocks Janis: Come on Jimmy: you Janis: You'd give a shit now if you did Jimmy: I do give a shit now Janis: about how you look Jimmy: stop chatting shit Janis: I heard you the first time Janis: none of this is remotely about me Jimmy: everything I do is about you Janis: You don't need to chat shit just 'cos you reckon I am Jimmy: you're my first thought in all this bollocks Janis: Yeah, and you hate me for it Janis: it isn't my fault they won't leave you alone either, alright Jimmy: Piss off Jimmy: I know that, not fucking braindead Janis: then don't treat me like I am Jimmy: I'm sorry Jimmy: I don't need to go on about what today's been like, you've been about for most of it Janis: Yeah, alright Janis: I'm sorry for inviting your coworker Jimmy: Alright Janis: Actual truce then Jimmy: might last a fucking minute this time, like Janis: don't get carried away Jimmy: weren't promising nowt Janis: just warn me next time you're gonna have a meltdown and we'll be fine Jimmy: you were the one who stropped out of the car, babe Jimmy: didn't get a single 📷 Janis: and you're the one who wouldn't go to my house alone so Janis: we'll have to have a truce Janis: and I'm in no state now Janis: the evidence of this party will speak for itself Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: #whentheonlycrimecommitedisthelackofselfiesinthatoutfit Janis: Shut up 😏 Jimmy: at least come here so I can 😍😍🤤 over it Janis: tell me where you are then Jimmy: 🎨 room #duh Janis: 'course you are Janis: see if I remember where it is, get lost for once instead of you Jimmy: Where are you? Janis: bathroom Janis: where else do girls go to 😭 Jimmy: [draws her an adorable quick little map] Janis: Cheers, nerd Jimmy: now you can always find me when we're stuck here 💕 Janis: Cute Janis: fucking weird being here at night Janis: not that I think we will be much longer now Jimmy: do my 🥇 work at night, me Jimmy: I'll show you Janis: I'm not gonna grade you Janis: given how tense things are already, risky game Jimmy: I don't need you to tell me it's top marks Janis: 🤓 Jimmy: 🏆 Janis: Colour me unsurprised that you're class show-off Jimmy: don't say a word, me Jimmy: there's no need Janis: oh God Janis: you're insufferable 😂 Jimmy: *😎 Janis: shh Janis: or I'm purposely getting so lost Jimmy: have to find you for once Janis: I'm good at hiding Jimmy: I'm good at 👀 Janis: the 😎 ain't prescription Janis: 😱 Jimmy: told you I weren't blind Janis: I stopped listening after you said you wanted to bang my sister Janis: which speaks to the contrary 🤷 Jimmy: bit rude Jimmy: you would've heard me say sorry if you were bothered Janis: I'm bothered Jimmy: so what you just want another one? Janis: Maybe Jimmy: gonna have to do something for it since you ain't listening to nowt I've said Jimmy: 🤔🤔 Janis: Now I know why you wanted a dare Jimmy: Go on then Jimmy: I'll do owt you want so you know how sorry I am Janis: Don't say that Jimmy: Why? Janis: 'cos it's been one of those days Janis: and I'm too drunk to be sensible Jimmy: that's why you should let me make it up to you Jimmy: or it'll keep on being shit Janis: okay Janis: but you do what you think Janis: I'm not telling you to do anything Jimmy: just for tonight or ever again? Janis: like I tell you what to do all the time Jimmy: I'm just saying, might be a dealbreaker Janis: Oh right Janis: it's a kink, I forgot Jimmy: taking your 🎟🎟 off you Janis: 😣 Janis: I'll tell you what to do Jimmy: go on Janis: come out and find me instead Janis: I can't be just me and you right now Jimmy: Alright Jimmy: how far did you get? Janis: corridor Janis: don't call me scared Jimmy: [appears like the 👻 he is] Janis: [such an intense LOOK in every sense 'cos what a time we're all confused and frustrated] Jimmy: [giving her those 😍 he said he would and MORE lbr] Janis: [when I'm like you're staying still girl I don't trust you lol] Jimmy: [when I'm like who's around that you can use as an excuse to do what you really want lol] Janis: [there'd be people and that was my shameless vibe 'cos no going back if it happened when you were alone] Jimmy: [just really intensely kiss her in between saying how sorry you are then boy, I insist] Janis: [so about it there's no denying] Jimmy: [thank god they can forget because drunk if we need them to because DAMN] Janis: [god damn x3] Jimmy: [also thank god he's wearing more clothes than her because once again she's basically in the same boat as on school trip and they're just dry humping all over everything so casually] Janis: [put some more clothes on hoe lol but never do and seriously, this is enough of a show without how bad you wanna go further] Jimmy: [a hoe never gets cold especially in April] Janis: [it's basically Summer lmao] Jimmy: [they should go back to the art room at some point if they can ever find chill for a paint fight cos they wearing black it'd be 🎨] Janis: [that's a good idea] Jimmy: [I'm trying to think how they can lowkey trash the place and that seemed an obvious one] Janis: [I am down, if they ever stop lol] Jimmy: [which they won't for an age if ever lol] Janis: [how are we stopping y'all ahh] Jimmy: [someone could always basically fall on them cos drunk chaos] Janis: [that would work, break the spell casually] Jimmy: [especially if it's a heavy lad even you two can't just ignore that] Janis: [just 😒 but not at him so improvement lol] Jimmy: [don't fight him Jimothy just go have your paint fight and live your best life] Janis: [we all know you were very in the way lol] Jimmy: [as standard, so go handhold your way back to the art room as is also your standard] Janis: [being like 'which is yours?' like a parent coming to see your work on parents evening] Jimmy: [getting shy like] Janis: [squish.that.face 'go on' nudges him] Jimmy: [the most exasperated sigh ever like she is a parent suddenly lol] Janis: [walks around looking at the work herself like okay, okay, 'I'll work it out'] Jimmy: [shamelessly looking at her while she's checking out the 🎨] Janis: [when he's done enough doodles that you could pick them out but probably not 📷 'did I find them all?'] Jimmy: [just taking her to all the ones she didn't but he can't look at them because he's awks] Janis: [just approving like get it boy but silently and low-key 'cos not that bitch, turning round 'where do you sit then?' and sitting on his desk when he tells her] Jimmy: [sits on his chair so they're accidentally really close to each other] Janis: ['this is how porn starts' saying what we're all thinking] Jimmy: [loling] Janis: [😏 but tension] Jimmy: [😏 back forever] Janis: ['teach me then'] Jimmy: [gets out art supplies like a nerd] Janis: [buzzing like show me how to art] Jimmy: [what's a art thing he could teach her how to do? hmmmm] Janis: [thank god she's got some skillz even if drunk, don't wanna be tragically shit] Jimmy: [imagine, they'd be arguing again like immediately] Janis: [we don't need that tah] Jimmy: [christ knows what he's teaching her but it's a moment] Janis: [obviously gonna involve paint and obviously gonna splodge a bit on his cute concentration face to start this paint war] Jimmy: [get her back on her 😏 face because she would be and we all know] Janis: [I wish pinterest would come through for this but I already know lol] Jimmy: [I will look but they won't even serve me an outfit for him so probably not gonna happen] Janis: [exactly dr phil] Jimmy: [on the one hand I want other peeps to show up so they can attack them but on the other I don't because just jj things] Janis: [we probably should to avoid another Moment TM] Jimmy: [yeah at least when there's at least a couple of other people around we can pretend it's fake, there's no going back otherwise] Janis: [we can feel it coming lads] Jimmy: [so can they and that's the tea] Janis: [mhmm mhmm] Jimmy: [you deserve this carefree paint fight and ensuing makeout lads, shit is gonna hit the fan soon enough] Janis: [what kind of fallout should we do?] Jimmy: [that's a good question cos we know Ian is gonna 🥊 but yeah we need to decide how hard to go with everyone else] Janis: [like assuming the police get called to shut this down, I reckon you'd just get a warning/or maybe a community service vibe, that could be fun to do actually] Jimmy: [LIKE IN STEP UP but obvs not at all because they ain't cleaning no dance school but yass I like that idea] Janis: ['cos then even if Ian is like can't see that girl again they still will 'cos gotta go do this lol] Jimmy: [exactly and school will have to start eventually so you can't stop him then even if they get put in isolation or whatever they'll still find a way] Janis: [the rom and jules of it all] Jimmy: [you'll enjoy that both of yous] Janis: [not that you'll enjoy being separated the rest of the time 'cos so highkey heheheh] Jimmy: [though I'll enjoy not having to think of ways to cockblock you all the time] Janis: [just parents being parents 'cos you broke into and trashed your school lol] Jimmy: [this'll be a good reason for cali/the fam not to like him cos that was the vibe for why she had to invite him round to dinner remember when] Jimmy: [even though they would've totally done this when they were younger bye] Janis: [exactly yo, and likewise doesn't listen to them anyway so it's as much of a cockblock and not as we need so] Jimmy: [is there anything else you wanna do/have them say to each other before we 👮🚓?] Janis: [hmmm we've covered a lot of emotional ground I feel so we're probs good?] Jimmy: [I'm good with that]

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