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roughdaysandart · 4 months

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My magnum opus: This portion of the Ch16 Rough Day comic script edits

Ok I say something's my magnum opus ALOT, but this is it...at least for now, thats how much I adore this. Once again im trying to keep as much of it to the original as possible but there really is so much that you can do to modify that much charachter-developing smut out before you have to make another scenario to convey the same message and flow with the original story and plot/direction seamlessley.

Why did I suddenly jump to abridging the LAST section of ch 16 for chrisitan roomates today? Well, I happened to rewatch Eyes Wide Shut today, and the Christmas party scene between Alice and the Stranger got me thinking of the perfec scenario in which to remove explicit smut from the picture while conveying the same idea:

Instead of taunting Mando with Spicy Comm time, why not have Sweet Girl talking to another man while he listens instead?

ALOOOOt of good ideas from EWS entering my mind palace now (not the creepy ones tho...also def no infidelity bc SG WOULD NEVER) for the edits, and Im so excited to share more editied/revised/added scenes prompted by EWS!

***DISCLAIMER: since this more like a script right now, not all of the dialougue is included yet (will do that when I make my way back to CH 16 in a few weeeks probrobly, trying to do edits in chronological order of the chapters), just the descriptions and jists of the changed scenes, how they relate to past and future content, etc, although admit thats some parts have full dialougue because I couldnt stop myself.***

Anyway, heres your CHUM my fellow sickos, feast away!

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ROUGH DAY (original by @no-droids), CH 16, "Ask me again tomorrow" (last part): ABRIDGED FOR CHRISTIAN ROOMATES BY @roughdaysandart

Sweet Girl is in the middle of downtown Nariss, after buying a change of clothes. Standing in the square right in front of a large tower of an inn. She surveys at least two dozen floors, noticing how it even boasts a convention/event center, or maybe it's a restaurant, somewhere around the center, the large, warmly-lit balcony likely having a perfect view of the city skyline, and she hears it audibly bustling. She notices a banner outside the front doors of the Inn advertising an all-night auction. Some traveling collection of artistic and historical rarities from the outer-rim.

Knowing it's crazy-expensive to pay for anythig here, she knows there's no way she's spending her precious credits on a room, even after spending last night in a tree, and is definitely not feeling bold enough to break into a room either when a New Republic headquarters is literally right next to the Inn.

At first she naturally wants to stay clear of officers, knowing they're trouble for Din, but then recalls what he said before she left.

(insert flashback : “I’m only telling you so that you’ll know your advantage and find a way to exploit it. I can’t be seen by any officers, or they might arrest me.”

Thinking about the growing variables in her favor, along with her increasing fatigue, she decides she IS feeling bold enough to try sneaking into the lobby or a secluded corner within the inn that has a sofa she could rest on for the night. But then another thought comes to mind: on the chance that Din does get close to her tonight: if she’s going for crowds and officers, why try to be out of the way then? Why not take it as far as she possibly can right now?

She shuffles in her pack to find and put on her mechanic’s goggles, which she only brought out of habit, not believing that she would actually end up using them for something like this. Finding a spare tool and trash bin in an adjacent alley, she confidently walks past the Inn’s receptionist, grumbling about how she hates being called in this late for repairs. She then rides the lift to a random floor, finds her way to the nearest bathroom, leaves the tools in a random stall, and takes all the time in the galaxy freshening herself up and changing into her clean clothes.

Close to midnight. She knows where she's gotta go next. Leaving her bag in the fancy decorative dresser in the ladies room, she walks out, an air of vitality entering her despite the fatigue with the new feeling of cleanliness. Making her way to the lift again, she politely asks a passing service droid where that auction she saw a banner for is tonight.

She finds everything she's looking for there. She expected something like this, but didn't expect to hit the total Maker-jackpot. There are officers even at the door of the bar, holding security for the largest and grandest collection of items she has ever seen on the balcony. For them to not hire private security, she thinks, the event or company must be affiliated with the New Republic somehow, maybe some resesrch-based or educational branch. Shes seen countless large gatherings these past few months as a consequence of traveling with Din, but never has she been to anything like this. Such a vibrant venue littered with well dressed attendees, whom she guesses must all be there to admire or bid for the pieces. Upon passing the epicenter of the auction, she takes notice of the particularly ordinary outer-rim objects and such displayed, knowing first hand of how common or worthless such things are, at least back on Arvala-7. Perhaps to everyone else, such ordinary things from the outer-rim are seen as exotic rarities.

She also comes to see that the balcony and patio is not only a convention center, but also dons an equally exsquisite bar. And it's not the mere presence of a bar that necessarily excites her, but the plethora of plush seating fixtures littering the surrounding space of it. And although she didn't want to waste credits on a room here, she KNOWS she has credits for what she sees as she nears the bar. She can't resist when she notices a certain wine fixture on one of the glass shelves, its contents the same distinct color as and labeled with the depiction of that purple fruit she had come to crave these last few days here.

Drink in hand, she makes her way to the large sofa up against the corner farthest from the doors, passing close to and admiring the view of the skyline at the edge of the balcony. Now, her view is triangulated, where she can see the bar, crowded auction, and the vast opening of the balcony. She plans to just rest there for a few hours, maybe just doze off until she gathers her strength again and can scurry off to begin evading Din long enough tomorrow to reach the orphanage.

It is then she notices the comm clock change to midnight, and she opens the comm first, making an effort to cup her hand along her face and ear in an attempt to block the ambient chatter from Din. He notices her demeanor, along with the chatter, predicting correctly that she is somewhere nicer in the city after spending last night in a tree. They talk for a few minutes as she continues to sip on her glass, more frequently as the banter grows, not imagining the fruit could taste any better than it already did. Okay with the alcohol, yes, but also with Din’s company. He mentions that they need to charge the communicators tonight, and SG contemplates how she is going to find a place to leave hers as she rests in the bar for the night.

After a bit of her glass is emptied, she sets it on the low table in front of her, readying to respond to Din’s last remark. From her lowered gaze, she sees a hand reach out, lifting to take it away. “Sorry, that's my glass”, she protests as she adjusts her gaze upwards, vision noticeably a little buzzed. A well dressed man. A very well dressed man. He pauses as she blinks, pulled out of her euphoria in forgetting anyone else or thing existed beyond the exchange between her and Din. In one motion he then slides past the table to sit by her at the empty side of the long sofa, handing the glass back to her hand. “I’m absolutely certain of it.” he clarifies warmly.

The comm is still open. She would have closed it to prevent anything the man said from possibly giving her location away, but her mind was lagging a little both from the unexpected newcomer and the continued buzz. The man's tone is noticeably flirtatious. A small introductory exchange occurs, and she entertains his flattery lightly, giving passive responses and continuing only because she is so humored by how Din relentlessly questions who this man is, what she's doing, through the earpiece. And, she can't help but feel a bit reckless with this ridiculously good wine in her system.

Throughout the conversation, her responses double in meaning to both the man and Din. They are mildly flirtatious responses to the man, but are in fact clever answers to all that Din grunts through the earpiece as he grows more agitated, though most of it is purposefully taunting, being how he knows this tone is only for him. But it is for him,she reasons, it just happens to also answer the things that man in front of her says.

The man attempts to impress her by mentioning his prestigious position in the traveling exhibition of outer rim rarities and such (funny line: about how she is an outer rim rarity/beauty). He mentions that this is the gallery’s last night, that they always do an all-night event to close the gallery before leaving in the morning. He sighs, stating how disappointed he is that he decided to leave earlier than the end of the event tonight, not expecting to happen upon company like her. He explains that he even had all his things already packed and put on the company ship, and that he was just on his way to drop off his key before he sat here (flashing the room key from out of his pocket intentionally).

She obviously doesn't even consider the proposition, but thinks for a moment. An empty room, a high rise SUITE, and the guest is conveniently NOT spending their last night in it. She, or maybe the wine, convinces herself that she HAS to keep entertaining him so she can distract him long enough to swipe that key. It's beyond dangerous territory with Din hearing it all, like poking a caged animal with the way he can just do nothing but endure. She may know that it's just a distraction to get the room key, but Din most certainly won't. He will think she is escalating things just to get to him for no reason, and she wouldn't normally be this bold, but the promise of a free shower and mattress is too irresistible. Plus, she's sure she can explain herself to him, however warped but harmless her logic is right now, once he calms down. If he calms down. If he doesn't find her right this second and choke this man out right in front of her with blind rage. But Din’s growing demands into the comm to know her location make it obvious that he won't be finding her anytime soon.

She takes that into consideration, and can't help but enjoy the sudden power trip she has in making Din this helpless, knowing how rare it is. Disguised in conversation with the man, she lets Din know of her desire for him to see her, and how he should naturally feel the same desire. It's in this section that she discovers and turns on the video function of the communicator.

“…You wouldn’t.” Din challenges.

Din can now see and hear her head-on as the comm on her wrist faces her head while it moves to rest on the higher cushion of the couch near the man’s neck. Din is obviously fuming through the ear piece the whole time now being able to see what she is doing. Between blending conversation with the man, she manages to look into the camera and basically speak directly to Din, the audacity only making him more ruffled. The conversation with the man continues to escalate, and she moves closer, subtly inching her freehand where she knew she saw the key return to his pocket.

After successfully swiping the key, the next few moments in their conversation ultimately brings it to an end. The man asks about something that makes her response include a word that has “Man” within it, and the exchange ends something like this:

“Man-uh-man(___finish word___),” she stutters, feeling something as her heart remembers that all too familiar word she was so close to uttering. The stuttering means that she is taken aback when she hears something in the earpiece interrupt the word. “Din,” he whispers, so quiet she almost wouldn't have heard if it didn't come directly in her ear, like he almost doesn’t want to but has to anyway, and then her face turns red hot. The man asks if everything is alright with her sudden flusteredness.“D-Din,” she blurts instead, trying to keep her voice as quiet as possible through the rising swell, though at the same time quite forcefully trying to NOT say it. It would NOT be good to mention his name to anyone, even if by accident, even if the man has no idea what those three precious letters really mean. She blurts, “D-DINNER, I–uh– need to have dinner, that's all-uh. T-too much to drink heh heh”.

The man mentions how late it is for dinner, though propositions to join her. She manages to convince him to stay seated when she promises to let him after she uses the ladies room. In the last few creative flirtatious remarks she uses to try and appear genuine about it, Din’s voice comes through the ear piece, only different.

“Stop.” he growls, the return of his natural authoritative tone jarring in her flustered moment. He must have seen it, she thinks. She still had her wrist up when she was caught off guard, before she ended the video-function. He saw the way her tummy and chest started to heave, how her body froze at the shock of hearing him say his name suddenly—and yeah, Maker, he saw it, because his tone makes her quickly scurry out of the bar, sad to have accidentally left the rest of her glass behind. Oh well, she thinks, just makes the man believe more that she's coming back, better for her she guesses.

Making her way back to the bathroom she cleaned up in a few levels below, she begins trying to explain herself to a very incoherent Din, trying to start with how she had to do it, but not able to clarify exactly why she had to quick enough over Din’s explosiveness. The middle of the exchange goes something like this:

“Dank Far–,” Din spits through the earpiece, and she thinks the mic might just break. “You think—y-you think—”

What?” she hums, basking in the afterglow and rush of the epic saga before and so, so curious. Truly, completely mindless in this cloud of sensation, she has no clue what she's thinking, but if anybody would be able to tell her, it’s him.

She reaches into the dresser in the ladies room and hauls her heavy pack onto her back. There’s a moment where his breathing stops. It’s completely silent on the line, before she hears another few heavy footsteps on his end pick up and then halt just as quickly.

“You think you can taunt me?” He murmurs, dangerous and deadly quiet. “Show me exactly where you are, disappear and then make me waste forever trying to get there? You think that’s gonna work?”

She makes her way out into the hall and towards the lift, considering it. He may have not predicted her strategy perfectly, but his insight has stopped surprising her by now. “...Maybe.”

You can hear the seeping agitation in the short pause.

“Maybe you shouldn’t fall asleep tonight.”

Ooh. That one sends goosebumps down her arms, but she's gained four hours on top of a twelve hour head start. He can’t scare her with that tone, not when she's still woozy with giddyness and he isn’t right in front of her. Instead of wilting beneath the hard threat, she just blinks gently at the communicator as she pushes the button to the floor that matches the one on the room key, finding strength in being the only one to get him this worked up when he’s always so composed, this talkative when he barely says a word. “Maybe I’ll just stay here then?”

“Maybe you wanted me to know you’re in an inn because you already found someplace to hide that isn’t one,” Din reasons very, very adeptly. Stars, her heart subtly begins to pick up at the speed in which he's going to speak this fast. “Can’t be planning to stay with someone you just met because you’d already be there, can’t be going to a hostel because you found the one city on this moon built for commerce and not aid. Not staying in another inn, you can’t afford it—the view looks high up, that robe is expensive, and you already bought food and at least five pairs of shoes in two days. I don’t think the place you found is even in Nariss. You think you can outsmart me, sweet girl?”

The chill down her spine doesn’t reach her eyes, she doesnt let it. She just feels herself smile, tilting her head, but Din doesn’t accept her silence the way she’s always accepted his. He wants an answer from her, right now, and it’s clear in the dark rumble of his voice, the danger slowly brewing beyond what she originally planned for.

“Tell me,” he orders, unamused and leaving no room to disobey.

As the lift door opens, she thinks ahead and decides to spare them both his likely meteoric response of hearing the room door beep and open in a minute.

“How long do you think you can keep running?”

She waits a second when she braces herself at what she's about to dare to do before she quickly whispers it. “I………gotta go”, she winces with a mischievous smile as she goes to close the comm line.

“DON’T YOU D-” Dins voice starts, only to be cut off immediately.

The silence is deafening after, him practically yelling that last bit, and she hopes that the cradle was closed so the kids' poor little ears were saved from the blast. She exits the lift and moves down the hall, heart still racing from daring to cut him off at the peak of his rage. She finally finds the key’s matching room, and Maker, when she opens the door, she tries to stifle her gasp so as to not wake any neighbors in the hall.

The room is extravagant. The first thing she notices is the giant window peeking over the breathtaking skyline, letting in all of the purple and blue hues of light the sky blended with the glowing lights of the city. And then the bed, a giant bed and a giant mattress. It might as well be made out of pure spice the way it makes her nearly sob with happiness.

She then spends an untraceable amount of time enjoying the exploits of her treacherous efforts. An actual shower and mattress, dying of sleep depravity and the mental energy needed to keep up that whole exchange through it. Once she finally pauses to settle on the bed, she opens the comm line again, bracing herself for what might be the most nervous she's had to be in a while.

“Finally going to tell me where you are?”. Din’s voice isn't loud, but it most certainly isn't relaxed. He must be livid now, having all that time to fester and brew as she took her time cleaning herself up in the fresher. He might only sound this calm not to scare her off, if that's what he thinks made her hang up last time anyway. “In a way, yeah.” she starts. “It's actually good news, but you may hate me for it, if you don't already.” She lets a short pause ring in the air in an attempt to measure his temperature. “.......good news…..” Din finishes, audibly impatient and saying it through a clenched jaw. Seeing how he is making such a desperate effort to sound composed and just keep her talking, she once again thinks it's safe to venture into dangerous territory once more tonight with him.

“Remember how you thought I wasn't planning to stay with someone I'd already met, or I'd already be there?”

“…………………………………..yes”

“…..Well I am here””

“…………………………………..okay”

“B-but i'm not with them”

“................................................uhhuh”

“A-and do you remember the man I talked to earlier, at the bar?”

“.............................................…I'm trying not to”

And do you remember when he mentioned his uh…room?

“………”

“D-din?”

“……………………….how…could I….forget.” Din spurts through gritted teeth, almost a mumble. She's sure if he's got something in his hand right now, it's most certainly broken with the way his fists must be clenched, she just prays it's not the kid.

“Uh-well-I um….”

“…………………………………......you what?”

“.........................................…. I’m in their room–”

“you–”

A prolonged silence sinks in, and she wonders how long she can even let this go on before something genuinely bad happens. She's already had her fun for the night, why push it more when she's already gotten what she wanted out of him?

Letting DIn’s stunned silence radiate a few seconds more, she finally laughs, explosively, forgetting any concept of neighbors anymore. Stuttering between giggles, she manages to utter: “Im-s-soryy-HAHA-its b-because I haha-i um–....I st-stole his room key—hahaHAHAHAHAH–I–m so sorry that I -–ha– but it was right there and he didn't even notice-HAHAHA- when he was busy talking to me, so dumb and clueless HAHAHAHAHAHA” . More silence over the comm, and she wonders if he actually hung up before she could finish before. She stops laughing a moment to check in case. “D-din? I'm so sorry, haha” she says breathlessly, gasping for air and hoping for any response at all at this point.

“......For the first time in my life, I feel provoked to throw my helmet.”

“ahaha–Please dont be mad, I had to–”

“ –Mad? That's not the word we're dealing with, what we've got is something I can't even think of a word for. And you HAD to?” He sounds beyond annoyed, but she's grateful he's not boiling like before.

“HAHAHAHAHA, k-kind of–HA–”

“….You think that was funny?” his tone gets serious again. "You better pray that I never find that man".

"Well I know for a fact he's not coming back, which is why I took it" she childishly giggles.

Din stays silent. For a second, she prays he doesn't actually throw the whole chase out the window just to find that man as soon as possible now and vent his anger.

Suppressing her gasps for oxygen, she starts: “ohh come on, you predicted that I would be somewhere nicer after spending last night in a tree. You should've known what I was really after the whole time haaha- I I know you didn't see him show me the card but– I let you see me the whole time, how could I in Maker’s name ever–?”

“Doesn't matter if it was a means to an end, that was just….. way too hard to watch.”

A second of silence passes as her breathing finally slows.

“I'm sorry you had to hear it”, she breathes, sincerity rising in her tone. “But I wouldn't have wanted you to hang up, I missed your voice. … I swear, all I was thinking about was you the whole time, in my ear, I could barely keep up the conversation trying not to say your name. I only thought of you and how much I wanted you with me then.”

“……………..”

“-Y-you and t-the uh–room key—haHAHAHHAHAHHAH”

“I've met mercenaries less sadistic than you are right now.” His voice sounds flat, just in pure astonishment at how she is actually able to push it yet again. Another burst of laughter, and she falls back on the bed, gasping for air as she tries to regain her composure.“Well why don't you come give me what I deserve and lock me away already, hmmm? Bounty hunter?”

“That's one way to put it”, his voice sounding more humored at the thought, though clearly still trying to sound as upset as he can. “AHA-hahahaaaaahahaha…..”, her laughter fades finally from pure exhaustion, her abdomen now on fire from the extended flexing.

Note: and something like : "you know im not goint to let this go/forget this easily/make you pay for that"

"Haaaa, I'm counting on it." she sighs.

A few seconds pass as the tension settles with the time. “Give me your coordinates”. A tender, sweet tone seeping through the mic. She closes her eyes and exhales, “Ask me again tomorrow.” But then, instead of immediately responding, she just hears Din’s footsteps suddenly pick up, faster than any pace she’s been able to keep over the past few days. She doesn't think it sounds like a run necessarily, she knows that his legs and strides are far longer than hers and it’s probably pretty much equivalent to a run for her. She hears the rhythm of her demise speeding up, coming closer and closer, and everything in her both fears it and welcomes it.

“We’ll see,” he tells her, and then the red light vanishes and her earpiece clicks to silence.

She moves to place the comm on the charger at the bedside nightstand, at last able to put her mind to sleep along with her body.

Even though it takes her much longer to do so than it normally would on a bed so large and comfortable, after such an exciting night and not being used to flickering light when she tries to sleep but wanting to experience the rarity anyways, she’s eventually able to pass out. But, not even a few minutes into a restless dream, she turns over and accidentally knocks her communicator off the wireless charging station on the side table.

It blinks with four percent battery life.

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