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thelovelybitten · 1 year ago

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vera’s first watch of south park — season five (part 1)

lfg babes i’m bored so lets watch

EPISODE 1:

LETS GO NEW SEASONNNNNN

KEPT THE BANGER INTRO YES WOOOOTTT

there’s a shit counter HAHAH LETS SEE HOW THIS GOES LMAO

BUTTERS VANDALIZING THE WALL

but tbh he slayed it

EVERYONE EXCITED ABT THE FUCKING SHIT LINE I CAN’T

kyle: i don’t give a fuck (SO REAL)

NOT THE CHEERS AND APPLAUSE HAHAH

huh ?? raining frogs ???

timmy SAID IT LETS GO

kyle is abt TO BLOW UP

sand in the vagina — cartman will not let him go

GARRISON NOT THE F SLUR

S H I T

what the fuck are these the seven deadly sins or sumth

cartman and his shirt LMAO

okay KYLE POP AWF he’s my smart bby boy

shit…twice, BFFR

chef helping the core four solve this stuff KING SHIT

CARTMAN STOP

no NOT KENNY ANYONE BUT KENNY PLS

okay who the fuck is this guy

no kenny looks so sick :’(

oh WHAT THE HELL

a rune ??? okay

LAS VEGASSSSS LET’S GOOOO

GANDALF???

MEECROB OH MY GOD CARTMAN WAS RIGHT

JIMBO IS A HOMOSEXUAL INTERESTING

shit counter thru the roof

not A WHOLE ASS DRAGON

CARTMAN LET IT GO FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

KYLE PREACHING 2 THE GOSPEL ICONIC

oh that was fucking feral i did not need to see all of kenny’s intestines

interesting ep

EPISODE 2:

FIRST NIGHT OF SCOUTS ?????

yO STAN THAT WAS OUTTA POCKET

timmy being strapped onto the back of the pickup

BUTTERS

KENNY AND STAN’S DAD ARE SHOOK

JIMMYYYYYY

give timmy his spotlight pls

well. last season he got it so ig give jimmy it

not the homophobia….

OKAY JIMMY POP OFF

JIMMY PLEASE NOT THE PLAN B JOKE

TIMMY BEING ROBBED BUT I LOVE JIMMY

BIG SILLY GOOSE

YOU DO NOT SAY BIG SILLY GOOSE— YOU CALL HIM AN ASSHOLE LIKE A NORMAL KID

but dad, i was just trying to—

STANLEY YOU CALL YOUR FRIEND AN ASSHOLE THIS INSTANT.

asshole.

CRACKED ME UP LMAO

troop 69 oh they knew what they were doing

jimmy this is so bad

oh BUT THESE IMPRESSIONS FUCKING SLAYED

okay BUT DON’T GET TIMMY I’LL BE MAD

jimmy deserved

homophobia is not cute STOP

oh MY GOD TIMMY KNOWS WHAT’S UP

kenny jacket is bad luck ig

the way jimmy avoided everything

jimmy ripping on timmy is not cool i’m mad

NAKED PICTURES ?!?!?!?! NOT THE CHILD PORNOGRAPHY

butters tryna explain they being exploited

not THE PUPPIES CARTMAN

OH THEY FIGHTIN

kenny’s parents and brother in the chapel aw

OH FUCK THEY GOING AT ITTT

everyone and their mothers watching two disabled kids beat each other up… weird

not THE NUTS

NOT IT BEING BROADCASTED

hc: all those boys are scarred abt their nude photos being taken and the unfortunate thing is the photos get leaked when they’re in college and it’s so bad :(

wait has kyle not been here the whole time.

WAIT

oh FUCK KYLE WASN’T HERE

prolly bc of his religion or sumth

anyways get the homophobes so true and real

real

wait what

timmy wyd

timmy OH MY GOD LMAOOOOO

okay that last bit was funny alr

EPISODE 3:

radiohead special guests???

cartman wtf u mean u got pubes

wait what the fuck

stan real

KYLE ATE

nah don’t mess w cartman

CARTMAN U DID NOT ATTACH THOSE—

oh lord…

damn scott gaslit the gaslighter

this what he gets for being 8 years old

oh beg FOR IT HE SAID GET HIM

also cartman deserves it

WOW SCOTT IS RUTHLESS

WENDY IN FRAME I MISS HER

everyone is so… dumbfounded

GOD CARTMAN LMAO THIS IS GOING NO WHERE

uhm. this is so awk

undercover cartman

okay pls hold must feed my cats

okay am back

wait must control my cats

back fr

NED NO

also wtf

cartman pls this is a gag

scott one upping cartman is so iconic

YO CARTMAN THIS WAS GENIUS NGL

WHAT THE FUCK CARTMAN THAT WAS TOO MESSED UP

tbh don’t mess w cartman

anyways gonna go 2 bed will continue at a later date

EPISODE 4:

GOOD EVENING GAMERS IM BACC

let's get’r done

not the terrance n phillip shit i dispise them

they shitting their PANTS FOR T AN P

kyle real for waiting for those tickets

oh kyle abt to eat those words oh no

YO TERRANCE IS BIG BRO

wait who the fuck is this

“kenny’s a random slut” damn cartman

clyde i love u my son

THEY GOING TO CANADA MY HOME

phillip being part of an acting crew ok

cartman right kyle oh boy

KENNY’S ARM WHAT THE FUCK— HE GONNA BLEED OUT

NOT HIS OTHER ARM :’((((

i’m sad abt kenny this is torture

mid ep :/

EPISODE 5:

oh damn… i’m sorry cartman

oh no wait this boy being ungrateful as normal

HUH SHE LEFT CARTMAN 1 MILLION DOLLARS

OH NO EGOMANIAC IS ON THE RISE

WENDY WYD FOLLOWING CARTMAN

kyle being real part 8393659373

he gonna. buy a whole ass amusement park for himself

NO NOT THE HEMORRHOID

not style angst

CARTMANLAND how fucking fitting.

style gonna beat his ass as they should

I NEED MY CWEAM— I NEED MY CWEEEEEEEM

properTAH

kyle in his delulu era

butters and clyde icons

STAN LSNDNCHSJDNCN I WISH U GOT AWAY W IT

KYLE U BETTER NOT DIE

kenny got bodied by that pole

kyle PLEASE MY SON DON’T DO IT

I LOVE WHEN KARMA KICKS CARTMANS ASS

“YOU ARE UP THERE ;”)” KYLE DSKHGHDSGSJJS UNHINGED

#faves: south park #viv watches #CARTMANLAND EP SLAYED #runner up was the scott malkinson ep #!!!#gettin goin #WOO

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smidgen-of-hotboy · 8 months ago

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Jay's thoughts: Extended Cut

OH FUCK- ya know, this part is not going to help after the way Terrible Waste ended with Juno getting captured and knocked the fuck out.

OWWW- broken ribs are a PAIN holy shit Juno. lady's being put through the wringer <3 love that <3 (I AM AN ANGST WRITER, PUT THEM THROUGH THE HORRORS! MORE HORRORS!!)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA- SCREAMING- ZEPH YOU MONSTER<<<<<3333333333 (affectionate) Getting flashbacks to Monster's Reflection part 2 now aguuuuuuuu-

"gap toothed smile" STOP-

STOP STOP STOP STOP- POUNDING THE GROUND, ZEPH- first the jupeter reunion gone bad, now the steel twins jvbbvsfjbfsjgbfrsjb IM EATING GLASS THIS ISNT FAIR- CATAPULTING INTO HIS ARMS?? BRO GTFO IM JGBISGBRJKBGFRSJBN "And gods, if it didn’t make him feel like he could tear down this whole damn town with nothing but his own two hands." GFRSBJKSTRMBGTJIKLDMXVBDNF

Ben and Rita shaking hands meme, chatting away. yapping all day. :")

"Feels like I got hit by an angry toddler with a brick." bgfsijgsb- this is how three foot tall King of Hades, Slip Jackson can still win!!!

“You and I both know Mick could get knocked out from tripping over his own shoelaces. That does not give you bragging rights.” this is mick mercury slander!! how dare!! my boy failure!! (mick is me tho, sprained my ankle 6 times, and the fifth time it happened at work my coworker had his back turned and when he turned back around he went "jay no, no jay- not again" while i sat on the deli back hallway with tears in my eyes smiling and nodding and pitiful. he got my managers wheely computer chair and helped me up to sit down on it tho so all was forgiven ig)

"By the way, what happened to the eye? You lose a bet or something?" wellllll- welllllllllllllllll- tbh i've been wondering the same thing but like, this is fiction. this is fantasy fiction. anything could've happened at this point to make juno lose his eye

"the forgetfulness" ZEPH YOU CANT BE SLY IMMA- JFBSJIGBSJB

"why haven't you fought back yet?" same juno same, thank you for asking. mmm- making think of terrible waste now dammit mmmmm-

VESPA VESPA VESPA VESPA MY WIFE!! when i write her for Out in the Cold Field i am lowkey tempted to write her much much softer than she is here. she's still Vespa alr, still paranoid and has hallucinations and trauma, but ya know that clip of her in WLB "heh- wife." and you know how soft she behaves around buddy in Infernal Grind? that's what i wanna focus on. and this vespa here is the hardened one from death, the one who doesn't know about what Buddy tried to do. the one who has accepted her fate. this is the Vespa that we see in Clean Break when she's trying to pull Steel forward even if she also knows Ransom is there with them. aaaaaaaaaaaagggggg- but also Vespa probably internally going "oh goddess oh no now there's TWO of them??"

"this is the way it is" mmmmmmm-

"If none of you can ever work your way out of here, then what is the point of working at all?" OGOGOGOGOGOOGOGOGOGO- the monkey inside of my raccoon persona is going ape shit. fucking- Juno sees the world the way it could be, Ben sees the world the way it is!!! I seriously had to look up the lyrics again to If It's True and im still going ape shit. my predictions! might have been right!

M'tendere knowing what they died trying to do, knowing for centuries probably what an actual hell Hadestown had become and yet they kept turning a blind eye to it until they couldn't anymore. died trying to make the world a better place, trying to balance out all the hurt they brought about-

"a small group should tell everyone what is true and what is right." YOU SAID IT VESPA!!! IF ITS TRUE-

“Well, then. In that case, M’tendere, would you mind drafting some invitations? And Vespa, would you mind spreading them around? It seems we’ve got a party to plan.” BOUNCING IN PLACE I AM SO EXCITED!!!!! BARK BARK BARK BARK

SONG FOR A CAGED LOVEBIRD: PART 14

yaaaay part 14!!! my favorite number!!!! i love this!!! apologies for the delay, school has been kicking my ass lately lol

okay kids, settle in: it's story time!!! this one is a longer one (around 2,000 words!!) which is part of why it took me a while lol

@smidgen-of-hotboy @ceaseless-watchers-special-girl @urjover @one-joe-spoopy @waters-and-the-wilde @demonic-panini @the-private-eye

The first thing he became aware of was the smell. Coal dust and dry wood and faint fire smoke, like some kind of strange cologne. The air was thick and heavy with it and he struggled to breathe in. The second thing was the dull pain traveling through his skull. It pulsed in time with his heartbeat, radiating out from a central point of the back of his skull.

His eye blinked open slowly and painfully to reveal several stacks of wooden crates, a few garbage cans, and the stone walls of some building. He didn’t know where he was.

Juno groaned, and tried to sit up and see more of his surroundings before a wave of dizziness hit him like a sledgehammer, and he fell backwards against the ground. He closed his eye again in the hopes the world might stop spinning long enough for him to be able to get up and escape this place.

Slowly, it all began to come back to him.

Peter’s deal and lack of voice. His insistence to save him. Slip telling him to leave. Juno refusing to go. Slip calling the executives. One of them whacking him on the back of the head. The world going dark.

He wasn’t sure what had happened after that, but he knew his body hurt like hell. After a few minutes, he figured the worst of the damage was probably a cracked rib or two that screamed whenever he tried to breathe normally. Everything else seemed to be a bruise or scrape. They must have beat the hell out of him and then dragged him to this alley.

He lay there for a few more minutes trying to work up the strength to stand, but couldn’t find it in him.

Suddenly, there were footsteps approaching, quiet and even. He couldn’t tell from where.

The workers? The executives? Slip himself?

A shot of adrenaline raced through his veins.

He pushed himself into a corner and grabbed the neck of a shattered bottle in defense. It might not have been his preferred weapon, but it was better than nothing.

The footsteps got closer.

Juno’s breathing was painful and shaky.

Even closer.

A figure rounded the corner. They spotted Juno, and raised their hands in defense.

“Whoaaa!! Hey, buddy, I don’t mean any harm! Man, if I had a nickel for every time I found someone in an alley who started pointing a weapon at me...”

Juno’s eye widened. It couldn’t be.

The figure stepped forward, and a little of the orange glow of the nearby metalworks fell on their face. “Hey, are you hurt? Do you need help at all?” they asked, crouching down to just above Juno’s level.

He knew this man’s face. He would know that voice even at the ends of the earth. Both had haunted his dreams for the last 20 years, and still echoed in his waking.

Benten.

His face floated across from Juno, smiling and slightly sheepish, but just exactly as Juno remembered him. Warm eyes, vaguely mischievous expression, gap-toothed smile, gentle hands, hair in neat braids knotted on top of his head. Juno felt his face going pale and the bottleneck slipping from his grip as this ghost looked at him in increasing concern. And suddenly a strange sort of fear began creeping over him.

“I’m dead, aren’t I? Oh gods, I’m dead. I died.”

The specter of Ben snorted and rolled its eyes. “Yeahhhh, sure, let’s go with that. Pretty much everyone is in Hadestown. Kind of comes with the territory, you know?”

Juno couldn’t say anything in response. His mouth had gone completely dry. He just kept staring, breathing hard and ragged. The bottle clinked to the hard ground and Ben’s brow furrowed in concern.

“Are you sure you don’t need…” Ben’s voice trailed off as he leaned a bit closer to Juno’s face.

His eyes went wider the longer he looked. Ben drew in a sharp breath.

“Oh gods. I don’t……. Juno?” he asked, so quietly Juno barely heard it over the distant clanging of pickaxes and the grinding of factory gears.

“Ben,” Juno choked out.

And then Ben catapulted himself into Juno’s arms, and they were both laughing and crying. Juno didn’t even mind the pain. He hadn’t felt this full of joy in a very long time. His brother was here again, solid and real and warm in his arms. And gods, if it didn’t make him feel like he could tear down this whole damn town with nothing but his own two hands.

“Juno!!! Super Steel!! It’s been so long, did you miss me? How in Hades did you get down here? Did you die? Or did you sneak in? If you did, it’s a little unlike you, because I was always better at getting into trouble and you were better at planning it but not really carrying through. OH, and you’ll never guess who I met! I ran into your HUSBAND. Your HUSBAND, man!! I can’t believe you got married and never told me!” Ben chattered away, eyes glittering with excitement and joy and a few tears he couldn’t stop from rolling down his face.

“Slow down, Ben, give me a second!” Juno hissed through his teeth as a spike of pain lanced his lungs.

“Oh, shit, I’m so sorry, are you okay?”

“About as good as I can be considering I think I just had the hell beat out of me. Could you help me up? Feels like I got hit by an angry toddler with a brick.”

Ben stood, wrapped his arm around Juno’s shoulders, and pulled him onto his feet before giving him a peculiar look that Juno was in a bit too much pain to decipher.

“What is it, Ben?”

“Nothing, it’s just-” he sighed, “It’s good to see you again. I missed you.”

A smile crept onto Juno’s face. “I missed you too. Loser.”

“Oh come on, I am NOT a loser!”

“Yes, you are. You just don’t want to admit it.”

“If I’m a loser then you’re…. Well, I’m not sure what you are, but at least I’ve never ended up bloody and bruised in a random alley somewhere.”

“You’re acting like you never took a punch when we were kids.”

“The only punches I ever took were from you, and you hit like a feather, Super Steel.”

“Hey, that’s not fair! I knocked Mick out once.”

“You and I both know Mick could get knocked out from tripping over his own shoelaces. That does not give you bragging rights.”

Juno stuck out his tongue in response and Ben recoiled, one hand pressed to his chest in mock offense and disdain.

“Really! I thought we were a little more grown up than that! If you keep behaving like that, I won’t be able to take you back to the hideout! You see, we only allow adults in there, and you, Super Steel, are not acting like an adult right now.”

Juno rolled his eye and sighed the deeply exasperated sigh only produced by interacting with one’s sibling. “Okay, fine. I apologize for sticking my tongue out at you.”

Ben raised an eyebrow. “And?”

“Aaaaaand for calling you a loser.”

“That’s more like it! I’ll take you back to see Vespa. She’ll be able to do something about those bruises and scrapes of yours. By the way, what happened to the eye? You lose a bet or something?”

—----------------------------------

It was slow going to get back to the hideout. Juno couldn’t walk too fast from a shooting pain in his shin and the probably cracked rib, but Ben was more than happy to spend the time talking and catching up on everything he missed. Juno told him about the bar he worked at, about Buddy and Jet and Rita, about the nasty winter that hadn’t let up for years, about his reason for the journey down here. In return, Ben told him about Hadestown, the work hours, the jobs, the forgetfulness, the cruelty of Slip and the executives.

“Why haven’t you fought back yet?” Juno asked, limping through the door to the hideout before gingerly lowering himself onto a mat on the floor.

Ben shot him a confused look. “What are you talking about, Super Steel?”

“Against the executives. Against Slip. This whole thing is so unfair. Why haven’t you guys tried to fight back yet?”

“Not sure.” A tall person with long white dreads who was seated at the table responded as they entered. “Maybe it’s because they own all of us?”

“Hey, Vespa? You here? We got someone who needs some patching up!” Ben called into the recesses of the house.

A moment or two later, a woman with short, spiky, neon green hair emerged, rubbing her eyes. “This better be good, Steel. I was in the middle of a nap,” she muttered, shooting daggers at Ben.

“It’s my brother. My twin. He’s got some scrapes and a couple nasty bruises you might wanna look at.”

The woman, Vespa, glanced between Ben and Juno before giving Ben a glare that could have singed wood. “You woke me up for some scrapes and bruises?”

Ben went completely silent and stared at the floor. The person opened their mouth to speak, but Juno beat them to it. “Yeah, he did. I think I got a broken rib, too.”

Vespa’s lazer-sharp gaze turned on him the second he began speaking. Juno stared right back. She looked him up and down for a moment before letting out a small huff and turning back down the dark hallway she came from. She returned shortly after, carrying a small bag filled with medical supplies that she threw down next to Juno.

“Is it true?” Juno asked, wincing occasionally as Vespa began to take a small antiseptic wipe to some of the more prominent scrapes.

“Is what true?” Ben countered, leaning against one wall.

“That Nureyev signed the contract. That there’s nothing I can do to save him.”

“Yup,” chirped Vespa. “We’re all fucked down here.”

“Vespa,” the person at the table said, shooting a warning glance in her direction. “Leave him be. He just lost his husband.”

Vespa sighed. “I know, I know, M’tendere, but if he’s going to be down here, he should at least know what he’s up against.”

“It’s just…. It’s not fair. It’s not fair. None of this is fair!”

“We know, Juno,” Ben sighed. “We also don’t think it’s fair that the world is like this, but that’s the way it is.”

There was silence for a minute as Juno chewed on his lip and Vespa finished bandaging one of the more major cuts.

“It shouldn’t be that way,” Juno finally whispered into the silence. “If I can’t save him, then what’s the point of me even being here? If none of you can ever work your way out of here, then what is the point of working at all?”

Ben, Vespa, and M’tendere exchanged a look. Juno continued staring at the floor, biting his tongue. This was just… so unfair. And he was so sick and tired of having to deal with it. He was slowly losing everything he had to Hadestown: his husband, his brother, his health, and now his ability to change anything for the better. It didn’t work on the surface, so why should it work down here?

But slowly, M’tendere began to nod. “He’s right, you know. Why should we even be working if we aren’t getting anything out of it?”

“You said it yourself! Because they own us,” Ben said as he threw his hands up to the ceiling.

“But there’s more of us than there are of them. Strength in numbers and all that. It isn’t right that a small group should tell everyone what is true and what is right. The many should decide that for themselves.” Vespa stood from where she had been crouching next to Juno on the floor.

“You could bring Hadestown to a standstill if you all just stopped working for a few days,” Juno said, easing himself up off the ground to stand next to Vespa. “Coal miners used to do it back on the surface to get better working conditions and pay. It could work here too.”

Ben was quiet for a minute, and Juno noticed that his face had gone suddenly thoughtful. “Huh. They couldn’t stop all of us, could they? If we partied around and had wine and flowers for a few days?”

A slow grin crept over Juno’s face. “No. No, they could only try.”

A matching grin appeared on Ben’s face. “Well, then. In that case, M’tendere, would you mind drafting some invitations? And Vespa, would you mind spreading them around? It seems we’ve got a party to plan.”

#DO NOT APOLOGIZE FOR TAKING YOUR TIME!!#we go for quality in this household over quantity!! your writing is a gift to give and you can revoke it at any point!!!#BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK #juno and ben's banter is so refreshing #it makes me so happy #LOVE YOU MOST!!! LASER BEAM BLASTING YOU WITH MY LOVE #song for a caged lovebird #talking about their writing #private eye's keys go jingle jangle

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