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sweeethinny · 4 years ago

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Insecurities and loneliness

Summary:

Lily faces problems on her first year, problems that Ginny knows very well and knows that she will need to talk about - almost - everything about her own first year. Things are almost never easy in the beginning.

Thanks to @startanewdream, for the prompt, thanks to @whathefawkes for the incredible help and conversation, I hope you all like it.

No, in my HC all cousins are not best friends, because each one has their own life. Lily is the youngest. She is going to the second year, Albus to the fourth, James to the sixth :)

Read bellow the cut or on AO3

'Can I come in?' James asked, looking a little flustered, his cheeks flushed and his hair a little messy, just putting his head into Ginny's office.

'Sure, did something happen?' Ginny continued to sort the papers into organized stacks, keeping her mind working and still trying to pay attention to what James had to say. It was only a week away for her to deliver that work, and if a comma was wrong, she was screwed.

'Look, I don't like to gossip... well, not like that, at least, but I think there's something wrong with Lily.' As soon as he stopped talking, Ginny had already dropped the papers and stared at her son, big eyes towards him, a little scared.

'What do you mean, something wrong?' James looked at his own feet, seeming to think the exact words, and Ginny hated that he was not as impulsive in these moments as she was, but more rational like Harry.

'Mira realized that... I also noticed... that she is a little alone. Since Rose traveled... She doesn't seem to have friends.' James grimaced, as if he didn't like having to say it out loud. 'I know it's her first year, but Lily seems a little out of place, I don't know. I mean, Louis is out, Rose is older than she, Hugo and she are not that attached, Albus has his friends.. I just want to say that maybe she is feeling a little alone. She was alone all afternoon today, basically, in the living room. Albus is locked up with Scorpion and even when they go to the kitchen, I don’t think they’ll talk to her, and I was with Mira… We asked her out, but Lily said she didn’t want to.’

'I'm going to talk to her,' Ginny assured, thinking that those papers could wait a few more hours. Harry would work until later, and she could take the time to work. Something about her maternal instinct didn't seem to like what James was saying. 'Thanks.'

'You're welcome.' James smiled, waving and running out of her office, leaving Ginny surrounded by silence.

She didn't want Lily to feel alone, Ginny knew what it felt like to be alone and the consequences of that weren't the best. Her daughter was the youngest and her brothers always seemed too busy for her. Lily was the youngest of the entire family. Perhaps the lack of a close cousin and with her age would make her feel more alone than usual.

Of course, Ginny noticed that James and Albus got letters from their friends, but Lily only received a few from time to time from Rose, but she particularly believed that her daughter had found other ways to communicate with friends. Through the mirror, or perhaps, she would send letters but she was only more discreet; Ginny felt like a bad mother.

Leaving her office in the underground, next to Harry's and their wine cellar, Ginny went up the stairs and walked towards the living room, where a loud noise of voices was heard. The room was dark, even though there were still traces of sunlight outside, the curtains all drawn, and the only source of light was the TV on over the fireplace. Lily almost disappeared in the middle of the sofa cushions, lying where Harry used to be. There was a thin blanket on top of her, an empty popcorn jar, empty cookie wrapper inside the jar, and a cup on the coffee table, which Ginny guessed was chocolate milk.

Which made her understand the gravity of the situation and how miserable Lily was feeling, since she only drank hot chocolate when it was miserably cold, or when she was miserable.

The girl's arm was still bandaged, as she had fallen off the broom when she was trying to accompany James on high, and Harry was unable to fully relieve the fall. Lily had been fine, even though Ginny had seen her terrified eyes when the healer said that she would need to put the bone in place and it would probably hurt.

'Hey,' Ginny said quietly, walking around the couch to sit next to the girl, who did not take her eyes off the TV, where now a blonde girl seemed willing to dye her hair black. 'All right?'

'Yea,' Lily murmured, shrugging her shoulders as if she didn't pay much attention to her mother. Ginny smiled sadly.

'James said you didn't want to go out with him and Mira today... did anything happen?' She tried again, lifting the blanket and lying next to Lily, as they used to do before she went to Hogwarts.

‘They clearly didn’t want me to go together. So, I didn't.' Lily continued without looking at Ginny, her glasses reflecting a little of the colored lights that came from the TV.

'Do you want to talk?' This time, Lily turned her attention away from the TV, for a few seconds, looking at Ginny quickly before turning around again.

'No.' Ginny nodded, trying not to take it too personally.

'Do you want to help me make dinner? I thought about cooking that pasta dough that your dad made… Maybe make meatballs?' Ginny knew it was her favorite dish, of course, it wasn't Harry's homemade pasta with meatball, but she could try.

'Why doesn't Al help you?' Lily said, looking at her mother again. 'Or is he too busy?' Lily's sarcastic tone didn't go unnoticed, and Ginny didn't think it was even the girl's intention to make it clear what she meant, but still, it hurt a little inside her. The 11-year-old Ginny seemed to feel the pain that Lily felt.

'Your brothers are very busy, huh?' Ginny tried, stepping on eggs and afraid to end up breaking one, causing Lily not to open up to her.

'Everyone is.' The girl pulled the blanket up to her chin, turning her attention back to the TV.

‘Even your friends?’

'They didn't send me any letters, so they must also be busy.' Ginny wanted to break the main rule that she and Harry stipulated when Teddy started being a tantrum teenager, which was ''give them space to talk when they feel comfortable'', and wanted to hug Lily and ask a million questions and then go up to James and Albus' room and force them to interact with their sister.

But Ginny was steady, taking a deep breath and trying to keep her composure.

'Did you send them a letter?' It seemed that it hurt Ginny more than it hurt her daughter, the monster from the past terrorizing her mind, even if it wasn't real at all.

Ginny knew that eventually it would happen, and that raising a girl would bring out this demon she kept under lock and key.

Dealing with Teddy, James or Albus' insecurities seemed a lot easier now. It was as if theirs didn't hurt as deeply as the ones she shared with Lily.

Ginny knew what it was like to be lonely even with a big family.

'It's just her. I only have one friend,' Lily said, looking ashamed of it. 'And I did, but she didn't respond.' Ginny blew out a breath that she hadn't even realized she was holding, closing her eyes for a second as if she was trying to find the right words.

‘Lily, honey-’

'-It's okay,' Lily interrupted, speaking a little louder, as if she was controlling herself to explode. 'She looked like she was my friend just because of James, anyway.' She shrugged, denying vehemently as if she wanted to forget. ‘Okay, I’m over it.’

‘Lily-’

'-It is true. I'm fine here. Today I saw three good films, and two bad ones, much better than yesterday, that everything I watched was bad.’ She smiled, as if she was trying to be happy. 'Besides, maybe when I remove the sling, I can improve my nail painting technique. The left hand always gets worse than the right.'

‘My love, but are you going to be locked in here?’

'But there's not much to do, mom,' Lily complained, her voice wavering and shaking. 'Rose is traveling, Teddy is away, Albus is always very busy, and James too. Everyone has something to do but me.' Her brown eyes teared up behind her glasses, which was the last straw for Ginny, who hugged the girl as if she were still her little baby, lying trapped against her chest and kissing her forehead.

Her mother's heart, which wanted to protect her children from all harm and pain, broke when she felt Lily's tears wet her white button-down shirt, one arm hugging her back, while keeping the other protected from the grip.

Ginny wanted to be able to feel that pain herself, wanted to open Lily's chest and remove any shadow of insecurity that might arise, with her own hands, to take care lovingly so that she would never doubt herself, and that she would always be happy.

But Ginny also knew that she couldn't do that, not just because of the obvious, but because it would help Lily grow and learn to defend herself. It was necessary if Ginny wanted her daughter to be independent and really sure of herself.

However, it still hurt.

Ginny kissed Lily's head, stroking her red hair, and closing her eyes when the demons themselves seemed to want to visit her, the ones who hardly made any more noise but who occasionally tormented her.

'I didn't have a good first year either,' Ginny started, her voice strangled. 'I also felt lonely and out of place, and a little lost, because I saw my brothers just being my brothers at home and when I got there everyone had friends of their own, and they were famous, and they didn't seem to care much for me.' She laughed sadly, pressing Lily against her. 'But I know they still loved me, they just had their own lives, and I know it hurts when we don't feel inside any group, or when we see ourselves alone, but... You are not alone, Lily. You never will be. It's your first year, everyone who came in with you is also lost, I promise you that, and little by little you will get to know more people, loosen up more, and make friends... This girl? Maybe she really is your friend, even though she likes James.. It’s because he is older, and when we are that age the older boys look much more interesting.’

'But James is ugly,' Lily complained, her voice muffled against her mother's shirt. Ginny laughed softly, thinking about how that sounded a little with a little bit of jealousy.

'Well, maybe your friend doesn't think so. Who knows, maybe she just can't answer the letter? Call her to come here, or to come with us to the Amusement Park next week. What about?'

'What if she doesn't want to?' Lily lifted her head, her glasses fogged and a little crooked on her face, her brown eyes a little red from crying.

'So, when you return to Hogwarts you make other friends. Maybe you meet someone on the train and become friends with that person, who knows? The youngest always go alone, it is a good opportunity to meet someone. That's how I met Aunt Luna.’ Ginny smiled, seeing her smile too. Not a big smile, but a lot better than the crying of before. ‘James was worried about you.’

'James?' Lily's eyes blinked, looking confused by that brother's demonstration. Ginny would have to talk to him and Albus about not leaving Lily alone at Hogwarts, at least for now, while she was still adapting.

'Yes… I know that now he and Albus don't seem to want you around, and I swear, when you get to their age you will also feel that way, but they are still your brothers, and they still love you. Never forget that, okay?’

'Okay.' She nodded, her cheeks a little flushed.

'And me and your father always, Lily, always, we will be here. You can always send us a letter and call us whenever you feel necessary or want to talk. Never think you can't tell us how you feel, okay? Promise me.' The demons who seemed to have woken up with that situation, stirred inside her, as if only the memory of what she lived and the times she thought of telling that she felt something was wrong but was afraid, would make her want to cry again.

It had been a few years since the last time something had reminded her of Tom and made her feel that way.

'I promise.' Lily hugged her, as if now it was Ginny who needed that warmth.

It soothed her in a way, it was like the times when Harry held her after a nightmare, silently promising that it was all over and that she was fine.

'Are you going to make dinner with me? I bought the cookies you like.’

'This is a great way of bribing,' The girl took the blanket off them, dragging herself off the couch. 'But I'm still going to paint my nails.' Lily picked up the whole mess of dishes and packaging, following her mother into the kitchen after turning off the TV.

'Okay, we can do this together.' Ginny smiled, winking at her. 'I love you, my love.' She hugged her once again, taking advantage of the fact that Lily still liked affection, and had not yet reached Albus' age, who seemed to hate showing affection.

‘I love you too, mom.’

'Now, tell me...' Ginny cleared her throat, taking the pasta dough that Harry had made two days ago. 'Mira and James?' Lily's eyes widened, turning away from her and opening the refrigerated cupboard where they kept the meat, looking like she wanted to buy time.

‘I don’t know what you’re talking about, mom.’

| LATER |

'Hey,' James interrupted the music Lily was listening to, sitting on the bedroom floor as she arranged the new books her father had bought for her, by color. She almost got off the ground with a fright, looking at the door and seeing Albus and James standing there. ‘How are you?’ The older asked, wearing only an old pair of shorts that were stained with paint. Albus looked as if he had been forcibly pulled out of bed, with messy hair and the old wrinkled Muggle band T-shirt, as well as the shorts he wore.

'Fine. Did something happen?' Lily was surprised, they almost never entered her room, Teddy did, but James and Albus not.

'No, we just wanted to be with you,' Albus said, showing the Explosive Snap box he was carrying. 'Want to play?'

'Hm... yes.' She frowned, placing the last book on the shelf and crawling forward, being followed by her brothers who also sat on the floor, not even complaining about the music she heard.

'I brought you cake, I thought you would want it too.' James reached for a plate for her, a nice piece of the carrot cake that Al and Harry had made the day before. Lily smiled.

'Of course, thank you.' She imagined that her mum might have spoken to them, or maybe - and more likely - James had forced Albus to accompany him, but Lily didn't care much, she liked that they at least cared for her, it didn't matter how they got there. ‘Mom asked me about you and Mira today.’

'What?' James turned, his cheeks incredibly red.

'Oh, James, you were discovered.' Albus laughed, pushing his brother's shoulder with a slight provocation.

'I didn't say anything.' Lily swore. 'You're welcome.'

'Thank you.' James was still flushed, but rolled his eyes when she and Al laughed. ‘I don’t even know why she asked if there’s nothing going on.’

'So can I tell her that I saw you two kissing today?' Albus asked, a cheeky smile on his face, eyebrows raised.

'Fuck off, Albus.' James pushed him back, which only made them laugh even more.

Mum was right after all, Lily thought, filling her mouth with cake and watching Albus tease James even more, they were still brothers and her best friends.

#hinny #harry x ginny #hp next gen #next gen harry potter #Lily Luna Potter #Ginny Weasley #James Sirius Potter #Albus Severo Potter #Harry Potter

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hermionemonica · 4 years ago

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Cause I knew I was in love with you (when we sat in silence): Marichat May 2020 - Day 16

AO3 | For the @marichatmay

Collab with @lalunaoscura

DAY 1 | <-15 | 16 | 17->

Day 16 — Do Not Disturb

Chat Noir perched silently on the next roof, looking at his Princess. She sat on her lounge chair, scrolling on her phone. She looked so engrossed that he bet she wouldn’t even notice if he crept up on her.

The urge was too much. Chat Noir was feeling mischievous tonight. He wanted to hear Marinette squeal in surprise.

This time he grabbed his bell in his hand so that it wouldn’t give him away like the last time. He silently and carefully landed on the Wi-Fi tower. And then with a light thud, he landed just beside her.

Needless to say, Marinette gave a shriek and threw her phone into the air.

Luckily Chat caught the phone before it dropped onto the street.

“What the hell do you think you are doing?” Marinette yelled after she caught her breath.

“Trying to get this exact reaction from you.” A shit-eating grin plastered on his face, he extended the phone towards her.

She grabbed it from his hand and put it inside her pocket. “Well, I hope you're proud of yourself!” Crossing her arms over her chest, she turned away from him.

“Aww, is my Princess mad at me?” He placed both his hands on her shoulders.

Marinette wriggle d out from under his hands. “Yes,” she huffed.

“Please don't be,” Chat mumbled into her ear as he wrapped her in a tight hug from behind. It made Marinette break into a fit of giggles. “See, I made you laugh!” He placed his chin on top of her head.

“You are an idiot.” She relaxed into his chest and sighed. Of course she could not stay mad at him. “Never ever do that again.”

“I can't really promise you that,” Chat teased.

“Well let me rephrase it,” Marinette turned around, grabbed the collar of his suit in both her hands, and tugged to make him bend down. “You do that again, and I will shoo you away with a broom.”

Chat scrunched up his face. “Me-owch!”

“Or maybe a spray bottle.”

“Hey!” He placed his hands on top of hers and removed them from his collar. “That's just brutal!”

“Oh is it?” Marinette cocked her hips to the side. “But I won’t have to do it if you be a good kitty.”

“You do draw a hard bargain, don't you?”

“What can I say, I have been told that I have the makings of a good businesswoman.” Marinette cocked her brows at him.

“Can't deny that, your Highness.” Chat brought her hands to his mouth and placed a light kiss on each of them, earning a giggle from Marinette. “So,” he shifted their position and tucked Marinette under one of his arm s . “What were you doing on your phone?”

“Oh.” Marinette wrapped her arms around his torso. “I was just looking up the latest trends.”

“Did I interrupt anything important?”

“Actually,” he noticed the playful twinkle in her eyes, “I think I am in the mood to kick someone's ass at video games right now.”

“Oh you don't say!” Chat raised his eyebrows in playful shock. “But let me tell you, I have had a lot of practice since the last time we played.”

“Why don't we verify that statement of yours, cat boy?”

“Oh you're on!”

Eight back to back matches later, out of which Chat had won three, he finally decided to give up.

“Well, at least you're getting better.” Marinette smiled at him. It was hard to believe how her demeanour changed when she played. Gamer Marinette was ruthless no comma and knew nothing except winning. But as soon as the match was over, she was his Princess, trying to cheer up her opponent. And strangely, Chat found himself attracted to both these girls.

Marinette stretched her arms and yawned. “Or maybe,” Chat offered, “it's because you are sleepy.”

Marinette smiled and shrugged in a tired way. “Let's go to bed.”

“Yeah.” Chat agreed.

As they lay on the bed, Marinette rolled over on top of Chat’s outstretched hand.

“So, Alya knows.”

Chat was probably expecting this conversation. “Yeah.”

“Is it bad?”

“No no! I mean,” Chat nervously went on, “We just don’t want this to get about, right? And Alya is not the type to tattle. So as long as it’s just her-”

“She’s already told Nino.”

“-and Nino-”

“Nino never hides anything from Adrien.”

Chat suppressed a giggle. “Well Adrien knew anyway.”

“WHAT?!”

“I mean-” He should really start watch ing his mouth before speaking. “Adrien was the one who told me about your nightmares.”

“Yeah, but you didn’t tell him that you have been spending your nights with me, right?”

“Of course not!”

“Well,” Marinette turned her face away, “he knows now, so it doesn’t make any difference.”

“Hey,” he touched her face and turned it towards him, “Is that bad?”

She did not meet his eye. “I hope he does not get the wrong idea about us.”

“Look at me, Princess.” She obeyed him. “What idea do you want everyone to get about us?”

“That we’re just friends.” She said easily.

“Is that all I mean to you?” For some reason, his voice sounded sad.

“I mean,” she explained, “you are my best friend and I really care for you. I know you do too.” That brought a smile to his face. “But there’s nothing going on between us, right?”

“Right.” The sad edge was still in his voice as he looked away.

“Hey.” Marinette shifted to rest on top of his chest. “Is everything okay?”

Chat nodded silently.

“Are you scared that Hawkmoth may come to know about this settlement between us? Because I can assure you that neither of my friends will tell anyone. Besides,” She sat up and flexed, showing off her toned arms. “Your Princess is a strong girl!”

“Don’t I know that?” Chat said jokingly and in response, Marinette swatted his arm lightly. He wrapped both arms around her and pulled her into the bed with him.

“I will never let anything happen to you, Marinette.” Chat whispered into her hair.

“Mm-hm, me neither.” She replied before drifting off to sleep.

Marinette reached school before Alya the next day. This wasn't the first time something like this had happened though; since Chat Noir had been helping her to sleep better, she was seldomly late to school.

However, she had not expected Alya to storm into the classroom and begin to rattle her bodily.

“Why the hell were you not receiving my calls last night? And not replying to my messages?”

“What?” Marinette kept staring at her best friend in silent confusion for a while. “You called last night?”

“Do I sound like I am kidding?”

She most certainly did not.

Marinette reached into her purse to take out her phone. She had not looked at it since last night.

Twelve missed calls. Two voice messages. Twenty-seven text messages.

All of them from Alya.

Marinette looked up with a guilty expression on her face.

“So what is your excuse?” Alya questioned.

Suddenly her eyes caught something on the notifications bar. She pulled down the quick settings panel.

“Ah,” she exclaimed. For right there she saw, the Do Not Disturb function was enabled.

But how? She did not remember enabling it.

Oh.

She remembered how Chat had scared her last night and she had thrown her phone into the air and then they had both fumbled with it. She had not checked her phone since then.

“It must be when Chat-" she began but abruptly stopped when she looked at Alya's face.

Her expression had changed completely from stern to curious. Now she had this nosey look on her face which could only mean one thing - questions.

“So, Chat Noir visited you again last night, huh?” She asked as she leaned against the back of her seat. “Why was your phone on ‘Do Not Disturb’?” Alya raised an eyebrow at her. “What have you two been really up to?”

Marinette’s cheeks grew alarmingly red , but she did not get an opportunity to reply before Adrien and Nino turned around in their seats.

“What are you girls talking about?” Nino asked the question.

Alya made the let-me-tell-you-a-secret gesture with her hand as she replied, loud enough for Marinette to hear. “Marinette and Chat Noir were doing the nasty last night.”

“Oh my God Alya shut up!” Marinette hid her face in her hands and screeched.

“Wh-what?” Adrien’s brain had short-circuited.

Marinette assumed that the pure model boy was clearly not used to talking about stuff like that, which was why he had that reaction. But that only made her all the more uncomfortable. She really wished Alya had not said things like that in front of Adrien.

“Alya,” she muttered through clenched teeth, “let’s not do this in front of the boys?”

“Oh?” Alya took a quick look at Marinette, who was gesturing towards Adrien with her eyes. “So sunshine,” she vehemently ignored Marinette’s expression of panic as she went on, “what are your thoughts on the situation?”

Adrien suddenly found it very hard to breathe. “Well, just because they are sleeping in the same bed-”

“Woah woah hold up.” Alya leaned forwards. “Who told you about the same bed thing?”

“Uhh, Nino?” Adrien tried.

“No dude, I did not.” Nino flatly said.

“Yes, he would not,” Alya spoke up, “because even I did not mention that to him.”

“Alright fine, I eavesdropped!” That was his last, most desperate attempt.

“Woah, M,” Nino looked at Marinette. “You’re making me regret ever supporting you!”

“Oh no,” Marinette slammed her face into the desk. “Please let me die.”

“No no Marinette!” Adrien almost turned around in his seat. “I meant to say you and Chat Noir are clearly not doing anything!”

“And how are you so sure?” Alya narrowed her eyes at him.

“Because Marinette is a pure, sweet girl who would never do something irresponsible like that!” Adrien burst out. “She is smart and wise and she always knows what the right thing to do is! And I can never imagine her doing something like that!” He said all of it in one single breath.

“Dude,” Nino offered, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I-” he stood up, “I just need to go to the bathroom.”

Adrien left in a hurry. He walked quickly towards the bathroom. Once there, he slumped against the wall outside the bathroom, trying to catch his breath.

“Hey.”

He whipped around only to lock eyes with a very familiar set of blue.

“Marinette? What are you doing here?”

“I-uh,” she averted her gaze, “I just came here to thank you. For standing up for me back there.”

“Oh.”

“Did you-” she sounded really nervous, “did you really mean all those things you said about me?”

“I do, Pri-Marinette,” he stopped himself just in time. Luckily, Marinette did not catch on. “I think you are one of the most amazing girls I have ever known.”

“Uh, thanks really.” Marinette blushed lightly at the compliments.

“Hey, let me know if Chat Noir ever tries to take advantage of you or anything! I’m always up for kicking some superhero butt,” he joked.

“No!” Adrien saw a flicker of a rare passion in her eyes as her brows furrowed up, “Chat Noir will never do anything like that! He is my friend!”

“Hey,” Adrien took a step forward and placed a hand on her shoulder, “I was only kidding!”

“Yeah,” she chuckled nervously, “I’m sorry for snapping at you.”

“It’s alright . ” Adrien smiled warmly. “Now let’s get back to class?”

“Right.”

#miraculous ladybug #marichatmay2020 #day 16: do not disturb #collaboration #lalunaoscura #marichat #ml fanfic #my fic #cause i knew i was in love with you (when we sat in silence)

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