#brokenandempty

[nameless-blind-mute]

Empty Vessel - Day 16

-- Nameless sits by a creek nursing his bleeding and thorn filled fingers after feasting on a blackberry bush he stumbled upon haphazardly --

I think I understand... I understand what it is I am to do...

I have exhausted all my pleas, and poured out my sorrow. I have felt the full depth of what it is to be abandoned, to be alone where no one seems to care if you exist or disappear. I have begged for mercy and death and my cry’s fell on deaf ears. Where once I was a hero I have become discarded as contents of a chamber pot with no hero to come to my rescue. I have poured out in blood all the strength and virtue I have within me and become empty.

Should this be my fate and my atonement? Is this what I deserve? It matters not for it is the burden I willingly accepted to cleanse my heard of disfavor in the eyes of Zet’talen.

I cannot defend my actions. I cannot repay Mari her night of suffering at the hands of my inquisitor. I cannot undo the months of incarceration and questioning I have weighed on Cura. In my Duties as Baron I have never taken life without cause but I have put great pressure on those who live and choose to defy me. In fact I do not know how to lead without a firm hand. My counterparts would strike with a closed fist where I strike with an open hand but the fact remains I strike with equal ferocity. 

I do not know another way. I am afraid... I am afraid that my enemy’s and those who would take advantage of me will destroy me with ease if I do not stand firm, and I do not know how to defend myself and those whom I lead without force. my hands are open and I hold no weapon or strength to fight any longer. 

I have nothing left to give, I have lost my friends and family and my riches and reputation. I have lost the joy of seeing beauty and finding my own way.The Only one who can hear me is You. You Zet’talen.. You are the answer and my hope for no one else knows I exist, no one knows if I am alive or dead.

I ask you Great Zet’talen... I ask you to fill this empty vessel. Teach me how to rectify my ways and to rectify the world. 

I believe I was  good man, perhaps even one of the better men... But it is not enough to be better when my desire to usher in change.. To start a revolution of kindness and equality where all races are respected for their gifts and honored for their place in the world. How could I become emperor peacefully with violence in my heart. What right could I have to eternal life if I take it by force. Then I am no better than any other Sidhe, no more deserving than anyone.

As you have rescued all the life on haven and you keep us safe, Teach me to rescue the life of Compass Rose, teach me to keep the lives of our people safe. The way you would have me do. So that I can then save all my people from their own violence and greed. By your example to me teach me to be and example to others. 

Fill me with your wisdom for I am empty of my own...

[xkapuax-blog]

...For holding on to something that Is never ever gonna come back I can't accept that it's lost I should have let it go Held my tongue Kept my big mouth shut 'Cause now everything is just wrong, wrong, wrong. If you were to listen to my heart this is what you would hear. #BrokenAndEmpty