nameless-blind-mute

[nameless-blind-mute]

A Visit from his Beloved Child- Day 78

It is early in the evening and Nameless is resting in his chair beside the woodstove in the shed he now calls Home. He has been working for the Farmer for better than a few weeks and having dealt with the rat problem in just a few days the farmer has promoted him to Grape picker. Life has been busy and Nameless has been working very hard for his new caretakers. As he reclines resting his tired hands Eru's presence blossoms into Rolynds mind by way of a Magic Ring belonging to the Barron which is in care of Eru. The Ring has the ability to deeply connect their minds allowing them to share their most intimate thoughts and feelings without boundaries or secrets. The communication of thought and emotion is overwhelming and disorienting but deeply intimate.

Erus Mind is filled with a flurry of things to do. Keep Honey out of my pack... Iisha needs to keep her paws off the sweets... Where in the Gods names has Jek run off to... Its been too long since Arron last wrote... she takes a breath and seems to calm a moment.

Eru:  "How are you Rolynd?"

Eru feels excitement and peace in Rolynd and the sweet smell of grapes.

Nameless:  “Eru! ahh sweet child it feels as though it has been so long  but I know it has been little better than a week... what is this turmoil, these names?”

Eru : A small chuckle and another flurry of tasks washes over her before she pushes them aside.

 "Merely some of Anada's children my Lord. The task of caring for them is... challenging at times."

She pauses a moment.

"Are you well?"

Nameless:

"ahh yes I nearly forgot of them." you feel in Rolynd a deep peacefulness,  "The Devoted of Zet'Tallen has Brought me to a town not far from home.. I should not say where unless someone would find me and expose my identity here.."  

Eru feels a destination in her mind just two days travel from Compass Rose and know that it is a town called Hallows End...  immediately she knows that Rolynd knows that she now knows where he is...  

Nameless: "ahh this ring, I forget its revealing nature"

Eru : Another small chuckle.

"It is fine, I will not reveal your whereabouts. Has Arron encountered you as of yet?"

Nameless: experiences a wave of concern...  

"no dear, has he not returned home? It has been months, has he written you?"

Eru : Feels A pang of concern.

 "No... he has not returned as of yet. I have not heard from him in over a month now..."

Nameless: " Oh dear, well he is a smart and determined lad... I do hope he is Ok."   She feels him choke back his concern and focus back on her.. "Are you well? What has been happening in your life? Any word on Mab and the other wraiths,?"

Eru : pauses briefly as she refocuses.

"I am as well as I can be with 17 children to account for I suppose."

A quick stressed laugh.

"As well as the fact that many of them tend to have... let us say, sticky fingers. There has been no sign of the wraiths whatsoever since the last battle we had with them, which leads me to believe we may have defeated them or more likely they are replenishing their strength and biding their time."

Nameless:

Eru feels his curiosity rise,,, "where is Anada?" flits through his mind... I have heard local theurges talk of all the ritual circles in haven being moved to new locations and adjustments to the laylines.... I do not believe they have been defeated.."  

She feels His concern for the people of Hollows end... "I shudder to think of what will become of the world if we (the fair folk) are ripped back to the dreaming but if the kindness of the people here is any indication of the rest of the humans… I have hope"

Eru : "She is with Vaali and I believe Meo as well. They left to try and repair what had happened to the keystone. At least, that is my understanding."

A swell of stubbornness wells up inside Eru.

"If I can do anything about it we will not be ripped from this world."

Nameless:  A calm confidence settles in to him. "we will do it together, child. you are the beauty of my quill and the knife at my side, I will help strategize and care for the people and you will take your place of leadership and bear my authority as my retainer once again."   His thoughts drift to his former Capitan of security Mezmera and his Servant Mari, feelings of regret and compassion towards them and shame for things unknown....  

"It will be different now"

Eru : Eru's thoughts seem to settle as Rolynds confidence shines through for what seems like the first time in years.

“I shall be here to welcome you home my lord"

A smirk crosses her lips

"You will have a chance to repair things in this town. Much has changed that needs tending to."

Nameless: "I am sure there is.. "  

His memory sweeps back to the night he confessed his Fatherly love to Eru. They were alone in the kitchen,  tears were streaming down her cheeks and Rolynds heart pounding in his chest full of love yet fearful of his secret being discovered. His heat swelled With Passionate love as a father for his child, with not a twinge of lust in his heart but only compassion and forgiveness for secret things she had confessed to him...   then the image swirls away into his mind....    "Your heart dear, how is your heart with all this, Malius and Fhio marriage business…With loosing track of me for so long, and with being sworn to another house not of your choosing?  Is your heart at peace?"

Eru : A small pang of loneliness that is quashed almost the second it appears.

"I am never truly at peace Rolynd. The heart of a Sluagh is constantly at battle with the world and mine is no different... I am dealing with it all as best as one can I suppose, but once you return I plan to take a bit of a respite from dealing with the world alone if you are ok with that."

Nameless: Her loneliness is echoed in his heart accompanied by a deep longing for companionship which he quickly shakes away...

"of course child, you have my heart and you know you may take anything you even need from me."

Eru : A swell of thankfulness and she stays silent

Nameless: The smell of grapes wafts through your mind again..  

"I have learned much of the Kindness that exists among the common man, when I first arrived hear a man blessed me with clean clothes and a bath. he gave me permission to beg in the market as long as I didn’t cause trouble I was welcome to stay in the town walls, yet before this even when I was filthy and covered in bloody rags a young human child was kind to offer me some of his candy he had collected at the festival.. afraid of the Elf covered in grime and hideous disfigurement he offered to share his sweets"   Eru feels Rolynd begin to cry overwhelmed with on unknown feeling, foreign to both you and him, something unnatural to Fairfolk...

Eru : A wave of slight confusion and comfort washes over you and Eru stays quiet once more, clearly unsure of how to react

Nameless: "A week or so past the festival the day I arrived a man took pity on me and asked if I could help with his harvest in his vineyard. He provides me food and shelter.. and I hear him and his wife and their children, I witness their love. Their Daughter reminds me so much of how you would have been before your parents were killed. Life is not easy for them but they still make space for me and are kind beyond measure... I do my best to work hard for him and not miss any grapes ripe on the vine.... it is the least I can do.. It is all I can do..."  

Again this strange emotion washes over you as another tear steams down his cheek. "I wish for you to meet them one day... perhaps maybe one day you can sneak away in disguise and come visit them? visit us?.... no it might be too risky,,, I wish not to offend Zet'talen nor Tanana and break my penance.. not that I have any faith that Pheonix was right in his dealings between me and Tanana  but her herald did appear so there is something to be respected in this."

Eru : A silent agreement from Eru.

"Well, I am glad you are safe. I have not spoken to Phoenix since that time, but I shall trust your judgment. I will greet you on your return."

Nameless: "you have grown silent.. and polite...is there something you are withholding...or something in you wish to share with me?"

Eru : A bubble of amusement

"No no no, I am merely pleased that you seem to be turning back into the Rolynd I knew. It has been too long since you have been so happy."

Nameless: feels a wave of releif...

"I miss you and our late night chats by the window" She can feel Rolynd is longing for intimate companionship and his deep lonliness is impossible for him to hide from her...

"I miss so much of home and our friends, I almost even long for Dae'Aveal and our little arguments"

Eru : A wave of amusement bubbles up inside.

"I miss you as well, but I highly doubt Dae'Avel is easy to miss."

Nameless: "my journey has not been an easy one, so it stands to reason that things that once would be difficult would seem more palatable to endure than my current place in life."

Eru : "He has been surprisingly tame since the last foray into the death realm. I believe you shall definitely notice a change in his demeanor."

Nameless: peace and serenity swell up "I am so glad you visited me tonight dear"

Eru : A swell of contentment. "It is my duty, and I am always happy to speak with you."

Nameless: Eru feels a slight shift in emotion as his heart becomes stern but with an ache of misunderstanding "your duty? In this.. in your time that you spend with me, I wish not for duty, I only wish in compersion to receive your kindness and companionship out of your love and your desire to be with me. It is your pleasure in my presence that is my reward... there is no greater reward than to see pleasure in the ones you love"  

his mind goes quiet as he waits to feel your response

Eru : A wave of amusement and compassion.

"I only refered to my oath to see you safe. You know I stayed by your side by my own choice."

Nameless: concern and relief combine...

"I will be home soon child, I promise"

Eru : Relieved at his confidence and reassurance

"Stay safe and come home soon."

Nameless: another single tear.. "I will child"

As the Presence of Eru leaves his mind Nameless leans back in his chair and spends the rest of the evening remembering fondly so many of the moments and adventures they shared together as he raised her and trained her from how he found her as a wounded and terrifyd feral child, into a fine servant, his personal handmaiden and bodyguard… Eru, The secret and forbidden adopted daughter of Lord Baron, Rolynd Finnien.

[nameless-blind-mute]

Finding purpose. Day 68

Namless sits quietly on the edge of town square hungry but hopefull for things to come. He has a purpose and a reason for being here... a reason for being alive.

But questions burn in his mind... What use is a blind warrior who can't speak? What good can he posibĺy bring to this little town of humans? It appears that they have all they need, security, food, family, friends and civil order. Even if he could find a need, how could he posibly fill it?

Nameless sits and listens to the people milling about hoping to hear a solution present itself but after weeks of begging for morsels of food the voices blend like crickets in the night, imposible to single out a solitary voice. Suddenly Namless becomes aware of something... he hears a cricket, chirping under the bench. From his months living alone in the woods and sleeping in allyways, he has found them to ba a crunchy souce of nourishment... as long as you pull off the hind feet so they dont grab hold on the way down.

Thinking only of his stomach he forgets about the people of the square and that they may not be acustomed to men hunting for food in the streets. He drops to his hands and knees and begins the hunt.  Crawling under the bench and pulling over a stone the size of a dinner plate the fat black cricket scurried away. Nameless scrambles after the tiny morsel like a cat after a mouse.

A small child stands nearby and tugs on her moms skirt and with a giggle "moma that funny elf is trying to catch a bug" the lady leans down and puts her finger to her lips "shhh don't use those words dear, its not nice." She stands up and goes about her business. The girl pulls away and says "im'ma gunna help him moma" before the lady realizes what is happening the girl runs into the square and begins crawling arround trying to help him catch his prey.

The cricket knowing he is being stalked darts from stone to stone silently as Nameless and the child scurry about. Evrytime the cricket stops, Nameless freezes in place and waits paitiently in silence untill the critter lets out a chirp. Suddenly the two leap into action clasping at the ground and turning stones.

It dosen't take long and a small crowd begins to form to watch this strange spectacle. Quietly murmering about the unusual sight, the onlookers slowly begin to laugh and chuckle. Suddenly a teenage boy begins to cheer the two on and before long evryone has joined in the spirit of the hunt. Becoming silent as a breeze when Nameless and the girl stop and laughing and cheering when they sping into action.

After what seems like an eternity Namless claims his prize to rousing applause and cheers. He picks up the little morsel and just as he is about to pop him in his mouth the little girl squeels "ew nooo dont hurt him mister!" Nameless freezes like a stone statue suddely horrifyingly aware of the crowd cheering him on... The little girl grabs his pants and pleads "i dont wanna hurt him, just wanted to catch him"

Namless is reminded of Eru as a little girl and how all her innocence was stolen by the war and how wild and terrifyd she was when he found her. He immagined what her life might have been like if her parents had not been murderd, what her father would have done with her pleading for a crickets life... slowly He kneals down and hands the girl the terrifyd creature.  The little girl smiles at him and cups the bug in her hands peeking at him throuvh the gap between her thumbs "See hes cute, hes not food silly elf man"

The crowd gasps as the child inavertantly insults the strange Sidhe... Nameless smiles and pats the head of the little girl reaches down and closes ger hands and motions to the girl that she may keep the bug. An audible sigh flows over the crowd mixed with murmers expressing a wide range of reaction.

Nameless slowly stands and gets his bearings as he makes his way back to his stick by the bench and takes a seat as the crowd dispurses. Just as he takes his seat a man approaches and places his hand on Nameless shoulder and places a loaf of bread in his lap. "I see you met my daughter, she won't let me kill anything either. You tracked a cricket in a crowd of people by only its chirp...I wonder if your any good with rats?" He places a tankard of watter in nameles hand. "Where do you live Sir Critter Catcher?"

Nameless looks about the square and raises his empty hand to the sky then shrugs his shoulders. He tears a piece of bread and dips it in the watter. "Ill be damned, if it aint a sidhe who can't talk, what on heaven did you do you to end up homeless without a tongue? No family to take care of you?" Nameless shakes his head and lowers his face to the ground in shame.

The man pauses at his reponse then pats him on the shoulder... "well if a starving man has enough kindness to give a child what could be his only meal for the day there must be some good in him" he laughs kindly "whatever has brought you here,  has brought you here I suppose, no one deserves to starve in the streets if there is an ounce of kindness in him. I own a small vineyard and I have some rats that my cats refuse catch, they have become to fat and lazy...perhapse you might have better luck. I have a shed where you can sleep and aslong as we can get rid of these pests  descretely without my little girl getting wise to us I will pay you thrice thier weight in good food"

Nameless is somewhat confused by the mans offer and shocked at his kindness but he was certainly not in any position to question the opportunity too deeply. He looks up at the kind fellow and nods in agreement, puĺls off onother piece of bread  and dips it in the cup. "Well its settled then, collect your things and meet me back here before sol reaches noon-sky and I will take you to our home. I will try and come up with a plan to keep my girl from discovering your catch... I suppose we need to call you something, can't verywell have my girl calling you Elf all the time now can we? How about... Mr.Catch"

Nameless finishes his loaf and water, ties the tankard to his belt with some string and heads off to the guards house to collect his staff... "A job, I have been given a job. A strange job... but a job all the same"

[nameless-blind-mute]

Hallows End - Day 47

--Nameless clumsily Signs to the darkness not sure if his companion is still nearby or not "I am trembling, what if I am seen as me?" (translation-im nervous, what if im recognised)"

Trust me, no one here will know.  Besides, who cares if you are recognized.  People can judge all they want.  But that is for small minds to might reduce that maybe you are like this for a reason..."  His guide shrugged.   Hmm, he heard music.  Shriek of kids playing. "Harvest time.  This human town celebrates it especially this time of year.  I want you to listen and try to find out why without asking."

Nameless nods in agreement. as he thinks to himself, (humans and a blind mute Sidhe... this will be interesting)...Following the sounds He walks allong the edge of the road towards the village No one seemed to pay him mind at first, until a couple of children said something pretty close by. "Hey mister!"  The voice of a human child.  "RAWR!"  Okay....human child making scary monster noises. "Hey mister!  You're supposed to give candy!"   "Honey, he's blind, he can't see your mask or bag." 

 An adult's voice.  "I'm sorry sir, he won't bother you aga-...."  The mother paused and looked at the blind beggar, he could sense this realization in the tension.   "You're a....Sid-..."   "Mommy!  It's an elf!  He has gems on his face!"  The child exclaimed. "Marvin!!"  The mother sounded shocked and appalled, and there was the sound of a good smack on his behind and the child shrieking a moment in shock.  "You do NOT treat people like that!"

Nameless kindly waves his hands indicating its ok, he lays his staff on the ground and kneels to allow the child to get a look at him. the signs  -- I no talk or see... you no fear me --  (his mind flashes back to the tavern on the day he found Eru a scared and wounded child terrifyd at her first sight of a sidhe)

"What's he doing mum?...."  The child blinked and looked to his mother, taking a step back. "He's trying to talk to you honey.  He forgives you for being so rude..."  His mother sighed.  "Now apologize to him..."   ".....sorry...."  Marvin fidgeted in place, looking at the blind and mute man with some apprehension.  "You want some of my candy?"

Nameless Smiles and looked up the childs Mother... and kindly shook his head no and mouthed "no, Thank you"  (suddenly distracted as he remembers the stains on his rags and the hideous sound it makes when he tries to talk - he winces as he slowly gets up picking up his staff he turns away slightly with embarrassment)

"Well, welcome to Hollow's End."  The mother says.  "Enjoy the festivities...." Hollow's End....that was a human town alright.  They were only two days walk from Compass Rose...

Nameless bows gracefully, nods and smiles to the child and gently taps the edge of the road as he continues to follow the sound of the festivities. As he walked further into town, the music was louder, and he could feel a lot more people present.  Suddenly a hand was on his shoulder, and the sound of a strong man was heard. "Hey drifter, yer not here to cause issues are you?"  Must've been a militia.

Nameless Jumps with a start, then faces the man and bows while shaking his head "No".  Holding his head low he waits for a response..."You can't join in looking like that...."  The guard grumbled and pulled on his arm to what felt like a building. "Take off that dirty cloak, by the God's sake...." Disoriented and surprised Nameless clumsily stumbles along with the man. --(I'm too filthy and ragged for human standards, Gods I am worse off than I thought)-- he thinks to himself" Hurry up!  I have to get back on patrol!  

You're lucky.  Tis the season of giving back."  The guard sighed impatiently and shuffled around, it sounded like he was getting something. He Signs to the man "Give Back?" ... The guard looks at him confused "Huh?....oh...yeah I....guess, if you really want it that bad."  He sighed and walked over as Rolynd disrobed.   AH COLD!!  As the guard ran a cold sponge over his face and chest to get most of the dirt and smell off. "Here, clean shirt, pants, and a stick to navigate around.  Beg as much as you want, this time of year, you may actually make enough to rent a room."

Nameless is confused and not quite sure what is happening as obviously his attempt to ask about the season of giving back was missed entirely, but he puts on the clothes. Knowing his attempt to ask about the season of giving back was misunderstood Nameless attempts to thank the man for his generosity. "Yeah yeah, just....go.  Don't cause trouble or I'l throw you out...."  He warned, helping him outside and giving him the long thin stick to navigate with. "Happy Hollow's Harvest."  He waved.

Feeling refreshed and renewed wearing clean clothes for the first time in over a month, Nameless could barely contain his smile. (why was this man so kind? he must have been embarrassed to have such a horrible sight in his city...)  Nameless study's what he can of his surroundings to try and remember this place so he can return the clothes and collect his staff when it is time to leave. (I must repay this man for his kindness one day he thinks to himself) After a few moments he continues down the street slowly as he gets used to this new walking stick.

He journeyed around town and took a seat to listen in on what was going on.  Sounds like the children were running around trying to scare people, and if they successfully startled someone, they would be entitled to give that child candy. Sounds like there were festivities.  Bobbing for apples.  And the smell of a great feast being laid out and prepared. "Thou must remember that what we receive from the land, we must eventually give back!  The Hollow reminds us that with all we have, there is more to be taken away.  Do not covet your items.  Covet your friends, your family, those that cannot be replaced!"  Sounded like some sort of preacher, telling the story of the Hollow.  He had heard it before but....maybe not...quite so well as now.

Nameless begins to tear up as he listens carefully he remembers his friends and all those he left behind so long ago. (I would set aside everything I am entitled to by birth to have things back as they were. I would gladly live in poverty to be loved)  he wipes the tears from his cheek (but Malaki is dead Fhio is gone to Malius and Eru.. is yet to be sorted.. Valli, Anada and Alarin seem my only allys... Like it or not I will return to a different world than I left)   he gently  places his face in his hands as he continues to listen to his surroundings

The preacher began to tell a story he had not heard before.  Someone who used to live in the village over 300 years ago.  Someone named Holly.  They also told the story of the Hollow's Tree.  That it was from this old black decrepit tree that the Hollow steps out of.  The Reason this is Hollow's End, is because it is the first and last place the Hollow visits every year. Nameless Listens Carefully to the story of Holly, It is comforting to hear new knowledge even if it is only folklore. (It is a gift from Sensus to be given new story's I did not have to ask for or seek by my will)I must remember to  offer thanks at his alter for this...

"Long ago, there was a young girl with brilliant fiery red hair that was just a normal person of this town, like you and I.  But every year, since she could understand what giving was, she didn't just give away half her candy to the Hollow's Tree.  She gave all of it.  She gave everything she had, and this life kept taking things away.  She lost her husband, she lost her unborn baby.  She last her farm.  But that never stopped her.  Every year, she gave everything she owned to the Hollow." "One year, or so the legend goes, she offered herself to the Hollow, to be taken.  But she stood before the great spirit and said "You may take me, my life, my soul, and everything I am.  But please, spare my village, my friends, my people." "Legend goes, that upon this offer, the Hollow hesitated, for the first time in its existence.  The Hollow spoke to her." "You and everything you are, you are now mine.  I will spare your village, for now." "And the townsfolk, were so moved by this woman's sacrifice, that they left out offerings for the Hollow, not out of fear.....but of thanks.  And so, every year, the children leave half their candy at the Hollow's tree and thanks the Hollow for letting them live.  The adults make their offerings as a show of reverence to the Hollow and its kindness.  And, as the Hollow promised, no true resident of Hollow's End has ever had anything taken by the Hollow since.  But, it is our job to pass on the story of sacrifice.  What if we were all like Holly, and show us the meaning of giving to others.  Give of ourselves, our talents.....our love, and our hearts.  Maybe, if we could learn this tale of unconditional love, maybe there would finally be no need for war.  As we would be there.....for each other....no matter how big, no matter how small."

Nameless is moved by the story.. he ponders the things he has and has given... ponders the little he now has and how everything he has was given to him by a stranger. ( I am great-full for this kindness, I wonder if the townsfolk were as generous to Holly as they have been to me) Nameless raises his head to the Sky --"Zet'tallen, I have offered my life to you in remorse and grief yet you have spared me.. I wish to honor you with the life you have allowed me to retain for it is by your grace I have been spared. Bless these kind people for they are generous and good"

"Zet'tallan blesses all his wards."  A sudden voice from his right.  Oh, it was his guide, sounded like he was biting into an apple.  "You know....he's carrying us on his back.  He took physical form so he could carry us to where we need to go.  He puts his very existence in danger...just to help us."   He sounds a bit....sad as he says this. "And all we do is hurt him...."  His guide turns to him and places an apple in his hand. "The portal to Death's realm....it released some creatures that feed off the inhabitants with ever reaching tentacles.  Then....there is...the old Sidhe Lords."  Nameless thinks to himself “He knew about that?” his companion continues  "Did you feel the entire world shake a few weeks ago?  That was them.....they hurt Zet'tallan....like ripping out his arm and reattaching it wrong.  But Zet'tallan doesn't care that he is hurt....well....I mean he cares cause it hurts, but he cares more if his Wards are hurt...."

Nameless turns to him and signs "we hurt him - we don't think - not understand we hurt" The devoted interrupts "I devoted my life to Zet'tallan, at first, just for the journey, to explore and live my life how I wanted.  But, as time went on, I discovered, that even as a Sidhe....I could keep the balance....help others....and stop those that want to hurt others...." "Do I miss my fancy house, my servants and my daily scented baths?  Heh....oh yes...there are days I really do.  But..."  He scratched his neck, chuckling.  "I don't NEED those things....want yes, but....not need, I guess.  I'm not the slave of the Dream anymore...."

Nameless smiles as he remembers the hot  baths with rose petals and lavender Eru used to run for him ... In the late spring when the flowers are at their fullest... He nods his head.. "no need, yes want" Nameless nips small bits of the apple chews for a while and tosses his head back to swallow"

Stay here until the Hollow comes, your eyesight and tongue will be given back, then you can walk back for Compass Rose.  Here you will learn that it is the actions of others that shape this town.  So, you can either isolate yourself out in the wilderness....or contribute to this town in the state you are in..."

Nameless looks puzzled, and signs clumsily  "How? I have nothing to give, I can not work, or lead, I have no trade, even children seem afraid of me... Wha..."

The devoted reaches out and stops Nameless in mid gesture "You can work,  Anyone can work.  Whether it be carrying things, or otherwise.  Find something, something you can offer.  And you will receive your gifts ten fold."

Nameless Rises to his feet and Bows to his companion... he waits a moment then with all his strength pulls him to his feet and embraces him and kisses each cheek... He pulls him close and whispers in his ear, although barely intelligible whispering with no tongue for enunciation..."Thank you sir...you have saved me from myself.. you have brought me here and I will do as you have asked, as Zet'tallen has asked. I have nothing but I will give what I can to hallows end.,, I give you my word" Nameless takes a step back and bows again 

The man nodded, looking a bit taken aback by the embrace, but simply patted his shoulder in return. "I will be close by....if you need help.  But...these people are kind.  I am sure you will be okay."   "Good luck...."

[nameless-blind-mute]

Zet’talen sends a hand to a broken man - Day 40

Nameless quietly alone in a meadow beside the creek. Tired and lonely feeling like hope was beginning to wain.. He rubbed his finger where he wears his Unda ring and remembered that Eru would visit him soon in his mind perhaps tonight or maybe in the morrow.. but soon. 

His focus returned to his task, his quest... how many times he called out to Zet”talen for guidance with no reply... perhaps this is just what it takes to break the pride of a Sidhe,...  it took over a month to realize that he was consumed by the greed for knowledge... perhapse Zet”talen needs time to change the mind of one so strong... oh perhapse I am failing and I am doomed to disappoint The great Zet”tallen.

Suddenly a he hears a voice of a man standing before him.

... "Baron...."    "I am a Devoted of Zett'tallan.....I mean you no harm...."

Rolynd jumped up and falls backwards cowering away hiding his face.

"For the Gods sake...." Said the Man,  He shook his head and walked over slowly, grabbing Rolynds arm.  "I have come to help you.  To help you see...." He said putting a hand on Rolynd's face, grabbing it rather forcefully before pulling his hand away.  Rolynd....he could see!  He could SEE! "This is temporary.....unless you have truly learned to see with your heart....and not these fleshy orbs in your skull...."  He said, Rolynd now seeing it was a Sidhe, with light green gems on his face dressed in green and browns.

Rolynd looked at the man and wept making grateful thanking motions with his hands, scard and bloody from bees and thorns.

"What are you DOING out here??"  He says, shaking his shoulders slightly.  "You risk your life being out here in the wilderness you know that right?  How could you be so stupid?" He sighed and let him go, sitting across from him. "I don't care if Zet'tallan has taken your name, I know you as Baron Rolynd Finien.......and you are fucking better than this....."  He shook his head looking at him.  "I don't mean to be cruel....but I think we both know that....its within our nature....to be better.  To see you reduce yourself to....this....is heartbreaking!"

Very clumsily Rolynd signs writing motions on his hand with his finger, then points to his mouth indicating he is unable to speak...

The man speaks in an irritated tone "I know perfectly well you can't speak.  I am not hear to listen to you.  I am here so that you will listen to me.....to the world!  ....But hiding out here....where no one can find you.  You are running away.  You know how long it took me to find you?  Even with Zet'tallan's help?  Too long..."  He sighed and took a deep breath, obviously trying to bite something back.  Something that Rolynd knew all to well in his Sidhe brethren. ".....You're killing yourself.....mentally for sure, and almost physically.  Its like you beg for death.  You willingly dirty yourself instead of holding your head up high and accepting this atonement with some measure of dignity.  You know you are not the only Sidhe who has had to seek atonement with Zett'tallan”

Rolynd scratches in the dirt,,, (but my pride.. must loose pride for better 4 zet”tal...” 

"There is a difference......"  He sighs, sitting there cross legged, clicking his tongue against his teeth. "When a cat loses a leg.....what does it do?"

Rolynd signs walking motion with three fingers on his palm...  

"Yeah.  It walks.  Does it mourn the loss of its leg?  Does it feel embarrassed?  No.  It may hide....for a little while, because maybe something horrible happened to it.  Maybe someone cut off its leg and now its afraid of people.  Maybe it got ran over by a wagon and now avoids wagons at all costs.  But....it keeps.....walking.  Cause to sit, wallow, and do nothing, means it dies." He points at Rolynd. "You are at risk of dying, not only physically.....but mentally as well.  That is why Zet'tallan has sent me."   He suddenly stood up and took up his staff. "You are a warrior aren't you?  So defend yourself!"

Rolynd rises to his feet slowly as his body is week from prolonged survival on little but berries and honey.

He swipes the staff at the back of Rolynd's knees and trips him, making him fall back onto the ground. "Don't get discouraged!  Get up....continue fighting.  When you were knocked own in the war thirty years ago did you weep like a babe?"  He taunted him slightly but took a couple of steps back, throwing a second staff to him.  "Where is Rolynd Finien?  Hmm?"

Rolynd uses the staff to pry himself from the ground. he points the tip towards his opponent and signs with his other hand  " me... not... break... you"

"Refusing to fight?  Or afraid you can't?"  He said, coming at him with a few swings, their staffs colliding and clinking with the sound of wood on wood before the man spun to the side and tripped him again. "I didn't say break me....I said defend yourself.  And you're doing a piss poor job.  You expect everyone to come to you pick you back up?....."  He looked at him, obviously biting back something but couldn't....as it slipped out, but maybe for the better.  Anything to spur some strong emotion from Rolynd. ".....or are you always going to lean back on people like Daddy to get your back?  Only reason you got General right?  Cause Daddy felt sorry for you?"

Rolynd closed his eyes for a moment... then without warning swung his leg at his opponents feet as he spun his body upright and swiftly delivered a blow at the mans face.  then mouthed the words.. "not my father, father no help.... I general" 

  The man went to one knee and held his face where a bruise was quickly forming, a small smirk appearing on his face before he winced from the soreness. "That's better...."  He stood up and twirled his staff in his hands, and advanced again, keeping up the banter. "There is a difference, between Pride, and Dignity.  Pride is a sense of pleasure you feel when from your own achievements.  Dignity is a state of being worthy of HONOR and RESPECT!"  He grunted and  moved the staff out of the way, and punched Rolynd across the face, cracking his knuckles afterwards. "Sidhe Pride...is by far the strongest of all the races.  Cause we were born that way.....we didn't even have a choice."  He takes a couple of steps back to let him gain his composure.  "But its not....bad....unless you let it get the better of us.  Your pride got SO BAD that you couldn't even bare another to see you in this sorry shape.  Because in your mind....you had lost everything.  Instead of walking.....you hid.  You torture yourself...."

Rolynd motions and mimes, " I ... Walk,,,," and points in a big circle..   " I walk.. I cry out... beg for ..." he taps his temple and mouths wisdom...  then points to the sky as he mouths zet"talen... As his oponents eyes rise to see where Rolynd is pointing he quickly closes the gap with a Jstep and twists his staff between the mans feet landing him on his back. then steps away to a safe distance

The Devoted did a kick up back to his feet and dashed at Rolynd, their staffs clinking loudly as they fought, and then locked up. "Trust me!  As a Devoted, sometimes the answers don't just COME to you.  Sometimes you have to find the answers for yourself."  He spun around him, but Rolynd kept up this time and then continued fighting, dodging and parrying each other's blows as they got into a rhythm. "I can show you.  Even at your lowest, you can still maintain your dignity.  No eyes, no tongue....a mild set back."  He leapt back after Rolynd took a very wide swing, and he quickly showed off by spinning the staff around his body and advancing again. "Zet'tallan took your eyes, so that you would see with your heart!"  He locked their staffs together again, pushing against him as their strengths tried to over power the other.  "I will take you to a village, where you will know true kindness, NOT pity." "Zet'tallan wanted you with no tongue, so you would listen!"  He managed to clock Rolynd on the back of the head.  "Cause lets face it, what Sidhe doesn't love the sound of their own voice.  Also our Would you Kindly's is kind of cheating...."  He smirked playfully.

Rolynd staggers with the blow while rubbing his head, then turns...  he signs with passion "you... think... I.... no... take ,,,, zet”talens... words... in... my... heart?   you think I not  listen to zettalen?" Rolynds shoulders drop with sadness,  " you .. not ... know ... me..."

"....you're right....I don't know you, not personally, only by reputation."  He sighed, swinging the staff around behind his back, standing there, looking at the man. "But what you misunderstand....is that he wanted you to meet other people.  Feel them, be with them, hear THEM.  To cast aside your pride and to listen to others.  Hear children playing in the streets....to listen to a woman crying after her husband has beaten her.  To drink with your fellow man in the bar and listen to their tales.  You are so caught up in your own world and with the few people you keep close, that you have ignored everyone else around you."  

He sighed and walked forward, but seemed to still be at the ready, outstretching a hand and placing it on his shoulder. "You have been up in your tower for a long time little Prince.  Because your father put you there.  Because your birthright put you there.  Yes, your destiny is to rule over the Fairfolk, to guide them if you prefer.  But tell me.....do you feel like you have any of your subjects respect?  Like actual....loyalty....and respect?"  

He raised an eyebrow, looking at Rolynd's facial expression. "....maybe a couple....and maybe that's enough.  But the fact is you are out here....because you hurt people.  You let your megalomania to get in the way.  And TRUST ME.....you are not the only one to have done so.  The point of this....is to realize that you made a mistake.  Even beings of perfection and blessed by the stars can make mistakes and YES....it HURTS ME.....to say that.  But its true....."

Rolynd lowers his staff and posture... "What... what can I do... I hurt people yes... I hold mistake... but what now... how do i ?" there is a long pause as he searches for the way to communicate his thoughts... "How do I... Fix... Wraiths? monsters... hurt people? I will not have house... no (he makes archery motion while mouthing Eru)... he makes a crown sign arround his head and mouths brea... Kill me for loosing her Children to death door""I have nothing now... I have nothing when i return... just my heart, mind and sword." 

"And that is ENOUGH!"  He said, smiling as he took Rolynd's shoulders and shook them slightly.  "Don't you see?  That's all you need to start a journey. You got mugged....BIG time.  You got struck down, big time.  But you have the opportunity to start again.  This time...on your terms."  He let him go and put his hands on his hips. "That's why he took your name....so you can be who you want to be.  Do you really want to be the blind begger who hides his face from the world?  Or a Sidhe, a person of the people?  You made a mistake....time to get up on that horse....and try again.  The horse may continue to buck you off, but you gotta keep trying..." He came to Rolynd's side and put an arm over his shoulders. ".....sometimes....it is possible to commit no errors....and still lose.  BUT...that is not weakness.  That's just life...."  He smiled, patting Rolynd's shoulder.

Rolynd shrugs him off his shoulder.. and signs.. " I fight with my soldiers not behind.... I give work and.... honor to others... try to protect weak... listen to words of little somnia and gemna  as same... I don't understand how I not..... Sidhe of people"

The man responds compassionately "I meant now.  Don't think about before.  Think about the now.  When you look behind you see your footprints, and those marks you have made upon the land and the people do not go away.  You can learn from the past and the paths you have walked, but you need to focus on the now.  Now.....what do you want to be.....right now?"

Rolynd waves his hands about in frustration "yes,,.. but Zet"talen speaks me to change not do same..... I be .... (He reaches down and pulls up some sprigs of grass and singles out a fresh shute) I be new... better than old... but I only know old,,, dont know new me, new sidhe" He lowers his head "I am poured out on ground and empty."

The man takes him by the shoulder once again "I meant now.  Don't think about before.  Think about the now.  When you look behind you see your footprints, and those marks you have made upon the land and the people do not go away.  You can learn from the past and the paths you have walked, but you need to focus on the now.  Now.....what do you want to be.....right now?"

"yes,,.. but Zet"talen speaks me to change not do same..... i be .... (he reaches down and pulls up some sprigs of grass and singles out a fresh shoot) I grow new... better than old... but i know old,,, dont know new me, new sidhe""I am poured out on ground and empty."

"Only because you chose to be that way Rolynd...."  He sighed, feeling like they were moving backwards now.  "You gotta keep moving forward.  You're thinking about this all too hard...." He sighed and kicked at the ground a moment. "And I can only help so much....only what you let me.  But you must also know how to help yourself.  Now think.  How can you come back from this a better person?"

Rolynd stares at the man blankly....  " my heart wants to win.. and be new. to save the people, love the people... my mind...  I not know how"  he points in a large circle again... "where? how?  you point... I go"

The man points in a direction towards a nearby town. Rolynd now able to see the dirt on his cloths walks over to the creek disrobes and begins to scrub off the stains with coarse sand against the rocks until they are somewhat clean enough to wear.... he motions for the man to come beside him as he works on the stains. As the man approaches Rolynd kneels before him and mouths in whispers  "Take my eyes if you must", "I see enough without them... can survive"....

[nameless-blind-mute]

The pride inside. -Day 33

Nameless has been wandering for well over a cycle of luna. Up hils and down valleys surviving on honey, berrys and bugs he can catch. Anything he can chomp up and choke down. The days are growing shorter and the nights geowing cold, mornings are painfull as he wakes up soaked with dew having no skills to build an adequate shelter nor the ability to concentrate more than a few seconds on any one task. Gathering enough food to fend off the hunger pains is enough of an endeavour. It is early in the morning and the sun in shining. Namless has placed his staff between two trees and hung his beggars rags to dry in the early morning rays…

What is pride Zet'talen? In what I am and how I have lived how is it that I have not made effort to consider others as equals? In the War I fought along side brave ogres and sluagh and led them to victory not from behind them like my fellow officers but swinging my sword by thier side picking them up from the dirt and charging them on.

My vision for compass rose… is it not to give each and evry man opportunity to succede acording to his effort and comitment to the community reguardless of status or race, man or woman? Did I not put aside my prejudice against gemna and befriend the Gemna Malakai? I even allowed him to create a secret order to defend the town without demanding details of his opperations trusting he had it well in hand.

True he betrayed me in the most intimate of ways by taking bed with my handmaiden, but I swallow my pride and chose to overlook it even though this defiles my house. I will never tust his soul again the way I have done in days past even though he resides in the body of a sluagh, but I take the wound to my pride without consequence to him. I should kill him by rights, but I know that I will stay my hand despite the pain and insult within me.

Despite my beleif that i was doing what was best for the future of my house, compass rose and the sidhe empire I threw myself on the flaming alters of Tanana and Zet'allen and humbly begged for forgiveness of my offences to the great Gods as soon as I became aware I had offended you.

I swallowed my pride and invited one whom had already insulted my honor by laying hand to my handmaiden behind my back in secret. I asked him to weigh my case before you despite my pride and my rage… how are these the actuons of a man perverted by his pride?

In what ways has my self worth and pride tainted my soul, how have I caused injury to others by considering what I bring to the world as important?

Oh great Zet'allen I beg of you as I lay here naked and filthy in your sight. I am contrite in spirit and broken in body. There is no more of me I know how to lay down. I know I have yet two more cycles of Lunas passing to meditate on these things but I am desperate to know that I have earned grace in your eyes.

I BEG OF YOU…Speak to me..

[nameless-blind-mute]

Relief at last- Day 29

--Nameless sits atop a hill in the grass unaware that Luna and Sol are about to cross paths directly over head blotting out almost all light as they kiss.

suddenly an epiphany strikes him and he stands raising his hands to the sky--

Zet’tallen I have discovered my greed, my greed is my lust for knowledge! all the things I have done that have hurt you have been in my quest for knowledge, the sacrifice of my people the suffering I have caused... all for knowledge.

I have been bless Lord Zet’talen by people who love me and follow my vision but in my quest for knowledge has led hem to suffer and lost us the keystone. Not in money or riches, but knowledge I have caused suffering. A suffering I was blind to and only through becoming blind have I been able to see my sin. Zet’talen you are wise and Right in my suffering and although my patron God requires me to seek knowledge I hereby swear oath to you to be gentle and kind in my acquisitions of new knowledge. 

There remains the issue of my pride  Zet’tallen and still I know not what you ask of my heart. I have nothing left in me and it is impossible to be proud in this state. Alarrin found me and witnessed my horrible condition and I cried many tears in his presence as he informed me of what has passed since my journey begin. he saw my weakness and frailty and still he gave me kindness and affection. his gentle words soothed my wounds even though they were full of confusing and horrible details. It is the love and loyalty of my people that fuels my will to survive this day. Eru, to whom I have always been strong and fearless has been in my mind and bore witness to my brokenness and full weakness, I was not embarrassed but overjoyed to feel her presence even though she knew my state of dismay. so I ask you... is this the heart of pride?

Even your Devoted Valli has found my mind. and though he had wounded me in the past it was I who offer forgiveness of his trespass and begged he forgive my rage. My heart I poured out before him without abandon. I told him secrets about my weakness I have shared with no man begging in tears for forgiveness of my sins against our proud culture. This is not the action of pride.

So great Zet’talen I beseech you to teach me of my pride, speak to me about what must change in my heart to atone and Learn the the errors in my ways that I may return a stronger and wiser leader of those who call Compass Rose their home. 

--Nameless reaches down and picks up his staff, and strolls back into the valley as the eclipse fades and the light returns to haven--

[nameless-blind-mute]

A glorious moment at last- Day 26

Namless lies by the creekbed about to fall asleep when all of a sudden he sits staight up with a start. "Eru? Could it be?" He whispers in his mind barely able to force words to for in his thoughts.... "Yes its me Lord"... Nameless falls down into the dirt Sobbing.... she found him, his magic ring of telepathy... she was in his mind speaking with him as though she was by his side.... how beautifull it was to hear her.... how painfull it was to know she could feel his sorrow. The telepathy burrowed into his shame and regrets, he was so empty with no mental wass to protect his emotions she was able to truly know for a moment how he fealt, he was unable to sheild or hide details from her for his mind had grown weak. But more important. He could feel her love and compassion... he wept with her and shared his deepest pain, his deepest longing to be home with her... though he knew itnwas imposible to be as it was. It was imposible for him to be as he was. An hour he wept with her in his mind. An hour she comforted and consoled him. An hour he felt loved... rememberd.... In the end she shared her dŕeams with the nameless shell of a man and all the desires in her heart, her vision for what life could be one day when he came home.... as she spoke he wept and slowly drifted off to sleep as content as a starving man could ever be. If only Zet'tallen could be so kind

[nameless-blind-mute]

Forgotten unto a darker day- Day 20

-- A cool breeze blows through the fields on an otherwise warm summer day. Nameless lies motionless in the grass with his face to the sky...--

Zetal’len? Have you forgotten me? I reach total surrender and abandon and in return you abandon me? Why Great God who carry's all that is on his back would you have me give all I have and All I am only to be left hungry, alone and empty? I have been waiting for you to speak for days and not a word from you... I have not heard another voice for weeks. 

The only voices I hear are the birds, bats and crickets. Yet it is not them who I have taken this burden to appease. The only kindness afforded me is the bounty of nature, at least that which I can choke down. Berry's, water, blood and honey. All of these causes suffering, bees sting, berrys thorn, Blood brings sorrow and loss, and water o choke and sputter as though I am drowning for I do not even have a cup. 

If this is the way you teach lessons of repentance and this is what you wish me to learn then it is the guide I shall use for my life but woe unto those whom I care for and am asked to judge for they will receive mercy as unto your will. 

As I wish for death so will those who wish to receive forgiveness in my court should the Gods return it to me...  

[nameless-blind-mute]

Empty Vessel - Day 16

-- Nameless sits by a creek nursing his bleeding and thorn filled fingers after feasting on a blackberry bush he stumbled upon haphazardly --

I think I understand... I understand what it is I am to do...

I have exhausted all my pleas, and poured out my sorrow. I have felt the full depth of what it is to be abandoned, to be alone where no one seems to care if you exist or disappear. I have begged for mercy and death and my cry’s fell on deaf ears. Where once I was a hero I have become discarded as contents of a chamber pot with no hero to come to my rescue. I have poured out in blood all the strength and virtue I have within me and become empty.

Should this be my fate and my atonement? Is this what I deserve? It matters not for it is the burden I willingly accepted to cleanse my heard of disfavor in the eyes of Zet’talen.

I cannot defend my actions. I cannot repay Mari her night of suffering at the hands of my inquisitor. I cannot undo the months of incarceration and questioning I have weighed on Cura. In my Duties as Baron I have never taken life without cause but I have put great pressure on those who live and choose to defy me. In fact I do not know how to lead without a firm hand. My counterparts would strike with a closed fist where I strike with an open hand but the fact remains I strike with equal ferocity. 

I do not know another way. I am afraid... I am afraid that my enemy’s and those who would take advantage of me will destroy me with ease if I do not stand firm, and I do not know how to defend myself and those whom I lead without force. my hands are open and I hold no weapon or strength to fight any longer. 

I have nothing left to give, I have lost my friends and family and my riches and reputation. I have lost the joy of seeing beauty and finding my own way.The Only one who can hear me is You. You Zet’talen.. You are the answer and my hope for no one else knows I exist, no one knows if I am alive or dead.

I ask you Great Zet’talen... I ask you to fill this empty vessel. Teach me how to rectify my ways and to rectify the world. 

I believe I was  good man, perhaps even one of the better men... But it is not enough to be better when my desire to usher in change.. To start a revolution of kindness and equality where all races are respected for their gifts and honored for their place in the world. How could I become emperor peacefully with violence in my heart. What right could I have to eternal life if I take it by force. Then I am no better than any other Sidhe, no more deserving than anyone.

As you have rescued all the life on haven and you keep us safe, Teach me to rescue the life of Compass Rose, teach me to keep the lives of our people safe. The way you would have me do. So that I can then save all my people from their own violence and greed. By your example to me teach me to be and example to others. 

Fill me with your wisdom for I am empty of my own...

[nameless-blind-mute]

A Day of reflection- Day 13

--Nameless has made his way for almost two full weeks.  Stumbling, falling scrounging, full of self loathing and pitty. Caught between trying to understand the Will of the great God Zet’talen and begging for the mercy of death to befall him.  There have been no answers nor any kindness received,Still he survives dedicated to completion of the atonement which was agreed with the devoted of the Great God. He now sits on a muddy riverbank late in the night and thinks to himself  --

Two weeks. Almost Two weeks since my life and my love and all I hold dear was taken by the gods. Two weeks ago today I was drunk in my garden and Anada came to me offering to lend me money as i had given all I had to save Da’avel and had no money to pay my staff. She came to me and offerd to help me but I could not take it as it was all she had. What kind of man would I be to take the last notes of his servant to bay his own bills... no man at all.

she sat with me and I poured out my heart to her, I told her of y dreams and my loneliness and she comforted me and consoled me, she assured me that I was doing a good thing here and that the people, although hey did not yet know how to approach me they believed in me and what I was trying to do here. She trusted me and understood me even though just days before believed I to be responsible for her childhood loves death. For a moment I thought I was finally making a difference and that people were beginning to see me as Who I am not the Sidhe I am expected to be...

Then Tannana and her Devoted came to me and took away my favored handmaiden, whom I had raised as close to my own child as our culture would permit, the girl saved from death and I took into my home and at the age of 5. They told me that the only way I could save her was to give her up and send her from my house. Tannana Ripped the heart from my chest and after i gave her that which she requested of me through her devoted guardian she then informed me that I would still die...That an abomination was coming to kill me... 

  Why Tanana, would you kill me twice? You ask me to throw myself on the sword and when I do, you say its not enough.. How am I not to hate you for your cruelty? 

Then but a few hours later, I again cast myself before a god, begging for forgiveness of my transgressions so that I may live and help save my people... But instead of mercy and forgiveness, advice and council I am judged harshly .. a millstone is tied to my neck and I am cast into the darkness to weep and suffer for months... with no gaurentee that any of my people will be saved by my sacrifice. no promise of one saved soul, no promise of one innocent life to be spared from the horrors that the adventures unleashed upon the world. Yes it was I to open the gate and send them in seeking knowledge for me and riches for themselves but they willingly have now brought out wraiths and mimics who promise to destroy all we hold dear.. foolish decisions on their part made only possible by my own foolishness.

But here we are now 2 weeks past the fateful day where I gave up everything, and I have received no kindness or warmth. the only news I received is that my most dedicated officer has been run of and the new surgeon has turned against me. My hunger has driven me to depravity beyond forgiveness, my loneliness has driven me to days of weeping and the deepest sorrow. 

I now question if all whom I thought I trusted have either turned against me or completely forgotten me. I had hoped that a few or maybe even many would go to the devoted and give testimony of  my character and beg for my atonement to be shortened... but no not a word was given, and i know this because surely if others game to my aid the Devoted and the great Zet’talen would see kindness to give me mercy. 

It appears I have been abandoned by all. left to suffer endlessly without death. 

If I were to inflict this suffering on even the worst criminal, I would be viewed as a monster, harsh and brutal. Even Meo, who confessed to me treason and involvement in countless innocent lives lost, I gave a swift and clean end with honor. I did not make him suffer for even a moment and placed no embarrassment on him. SO if I am so evil how is it that I am more merciful that Zet’talen?  More Kind than the one who bears the world? 

I do not speak as to commit blasphemy, but I question the logic, I question the balance... I threw myself at your feet begging for mercy, and you pulled out my eyes and tongue and cast me away like the contents of a bedpan. How am I to trust you, and not despise your name for this cruelty?.. 

IN my acceptance of this atonement you promised that others would come along to help me and surprise me with their kindness but there has been no one. I am glad for this as I wish no one to have to endure my hideous filth and disfigurement, but still this is a promise you made... a promise unfulfilled...

So how am I to trust your kindness towards the people? I am empty inside... there is nothing left to break, nothing left to crush... you Gods have taken everything from me... every last drop of me... now what will you build with the aching husk you have left here to rot?  will you build a murderous sadistic psychopath? OR a Pacifist spineless broken shell of a Sidhe useless for anything but a servant even though I was once one who once could rally the people to a cause and lead army's into fierce battle. Are you good or evil Zet’tallen? Tell me because as it sits now your utter despise for me leads me to believe i know nothing of you

Speak to me Zet’talen.... SPEAK TO ME! Tell me what to do next or just kill me because if I am without love and compassion I do not deserve to be set free on the world, and If I am doomed to live without being loved and deemed not worthy of compassion then it is not a life worth living... Guide my mind or rip off my head for to do any less is cruel and harsh. 

-- Nameless leans back onto the dirt and trys to remember the look of Luna and hers stars, but images are erased from his mind. He trys to to remember the face of Eru but there is nothing but darkness... without a drop of hope left in his heart he faces the great black space of aether in silence until he drifts off to sleep.--

[nameless-blind-mute]

Death quenches  hunger - Day 12

-- Nameless sits in a field leaning against a fence post. in the distance he can hear a bell on a cows neck and sheep bleating in the worm afternoon sun. he dare not approach for fear of being attacked as a horrible beast, his hideous appearance and inability to speak has put a barrier of fear and terror between him and others... It has been days since he has eaten and since his journey begun he has had no more than a belly of honey and a cup of warm soup.. The pain is overwhelming but Zet’talen sustains him and will not let him die.--

  He thinks to himself...  How peaceful the life of a farmer is, he has his stock, his garden and his family. he works hard and if he is wise he can withstand terrible storms an be prepared for years of hardship... he just needs to be a good man and love his family... and if he does these simple things he will prosper and never be alone...  The blessings of the Gods will fall upon him.

-- Suddenly a soft animal crawls up into his lap and begins to purr--

  ah a cat, my favored animal. so beautiful and graceful.  So soft and affectionate yet like us Sidhe they can be cruel and heartless... torturing their prey for hours before they kill it only to leave it on their masters step uneaten as a gift... 

--The cat curls into the lap of nameless and purrs loudly as he stokes its soft fur--

  In so many ways they are like us, most cats will only allow you to get so close and touch them a few times before they will strike you without warning, they will pretend to be your friend then stalk you at every corner.seemingly just waiting for you to trip and fall so they can pounce and kill you... that is my family and the other houses... 

  but then there are a few of us that are patient and kind, we love to be loved and stroked, we allow ourselves to be carted around like dolls by children we let our masters to stroke our belly's and kill our food quickly so it does not suffer, we eat what we kill as it is how we sustain... but we all kill, we all hunt... we are all murderers... 

   Since the war I have not taken a life that was not deserving, but I have played with my food to extract from it what I require... I have used my strength and my minions to apply severe pressure to get what I believed we need from an individual.. and although all rulers do this and worse to manage information and control threats, it does not excuse my behavior nor does it excuse my being a Sidhe... being a Sidhe is what brought me here, to this suffering... despite my efforts to overcome my upbringing. My pride and my greed it was never enough...  still I have offended the great God Zet’talen and i suffer for it... so that my people do not suffer on my behalf.... 

   But I am powerless over who I am... as this cat cannot choose to be a mouse, how can i choose to be human or hillander or otherwise not Sidhe? But Zet’talen has sent me on this quest to kill what is left of the Sidhe in me... to lay down that which makes me the man I am... to become a new man... better... redeemed...

-- he strokes the cat gently one more time as a tear falls from his otherwise empty eye socket--

Quietly he whispers in his mind,,” Im sorry my love but I am starving and you must be redeemed”

-- without warning he snaps the soft cats neck and tears into its throat with his teeth,,, shredding into it spilling the blood into his mouth. silently the cats life force spills down his throat emptying all is precious fluid into him... Nameless cry's out with a terrible moan for the grief of this helpless and kind creature who was able to see past his deformity and grotesque appearance and share the kindness of a moment with him... The mans face now streaming with tears and blood and he begins to violently chew at the flesh of the warm and lifeless body...

His belly somewhat satiated, he hears the bell of the cow and imagines the farmer, and his daughter.. out for a walk coming across their poor beloved pet mutilated and devoured... The horror of a little girl discovering a hideous monster chewing upon her best friend--

WHY! Why oh Lord Zet’talen would you choose to send me on this path.. to devour what is my nature and cause further suffering on the world.... Why would I be driven to this, I have done the unthinkable and terrorized an Innocent family... 

  --Quickly he stands up with his staff in one hand and the limp body of the cat in the other and runs back towards to woods to escape being seen

  Once he gets deep into the thickets and underbrush he digs a hole with his staff and burrys the carcass.. He places a large stone on the grave then falls on top of it, unknowingly smearing it with cats blood on his clothes..Laying on the rock he weeps and mourns for his actions and the family's loss the rest of the afternoon...  

[nameless-blind-mute]

Hope weigns eternal- Day 8

Hours I have now meditated on this riddle and at last its curse reveals itself to me… the new surgeon whom i believed would ve an aly has turned against me..

This should not be a surprise as she is in service to harvest… Sadly this tells me also that my followers are not carrying my visage or telling of my sacrifice for them…. They are likely not speaking of me at all.. Therefore it is also likely they are making no effort to see my early return nor making a plea to Zet'talen on my behalf

Without me and my servant and friend Mesmera it is likely the wraiths will not be defeated and all will be lost… Woe unto me for I have brought destruction on my people … on everyone whom I love…

Zet'talen is right to destroy all that I am for despite my good intentions and desire for a better world everything I have touched has turned to ash..

My enemy's grow in number and strength and my friends are slowly brought low and wiped out one by one… I cannot die for Zet'tallen wishes for me to watch the destruction I have caused only return to a world I will no longer recognize… only to await my assassination as prophesyd by Tanana

My heart grows weaker today… once I was a great warrior, a general in the Sidhe army, a full legion were at my command and I fought along side them fearlessly while the other Sidhe hid behind their full ranks… but today…. today I could not find the courage to raise my hand to defend my own life . Were it Eru or even a helpless child threatened by a murderer in front of me I do not know I could stand in their defense for fear that my actions would destroy a greater number.

I question my wisdom in all my thoughts and presume my self a fool… perhaps it is best if I am never found again for I do not even deserve the soup given by a friend..I do not deserve a kind word or gesture… I am destruction…I am a curse to all…

[nameless-blind-mute]

A friend in trouble -  Day 7

A week ago I was cast into the wilderness, cast to wander alone and in misery. I was a noble and a kind lord who was leading a city into a new era. one free from the racism and hatred that separated the people of Haven... an era of mutual prosperity where for the first time in over 200 years a leader believed that the way to prosper a town was to prosper its people... From this town would be re born a city and from the light of that city the whole world of Haven would see a new and more peaceful way of life. and then maybe i could enlighten the world  What a fool I am...  a Finnien, Third to the throne ... I am not enlightened, I am a fool..

Nameless suddenly hears a familiar voice ...

 A friend and confidant has made a way to see me and bring a kind cup of soup... and to say good bye... for she is being held accountable for crimes committed at my side...  I begged her to be patient and step down peacefully, to counsel and guide and protect the people for they lack wisdom in strategy and war  but it was too late... I begged her to stay and help them defeat the wraiths as she has the most powerful magic in the city but the threats , insults and persecution from Lord Somnia had already wounded her pride and she feels that Compass rose no longer has space for a loyal servant as her... her words still ring in my head ...

---"These people are not OUR people Rolynd! .....If we don't take a stand against these other races.....  I KNOW you don't agree with me, and I have voiced on multiple occasions that I think you are INSANE!......but I have stood by you because I believe in YOU.....not them”--- 

Why the hatred and subjugation of the other races, even among my own Kind I am thought to be insane for my kindness but still my followers are loyal and believe in me.... such contradiction.... and even though I face persecution from my most trusted and my family I stand for what I believe is right... but my zeal has brought me ruin.... 

I will miss her for she was able to do the things I could not but yet needed to be done.. Yes her actions have always been questionable, even corrupt, but she has gotten the job done, and what leader in this world does not have their protectors, assassins and inquisitors? Without her I will sure take a blade to my back, as even the greatest leaders in all history had enemy's who sought to destroy them... 

but Zet”talen,, Zet”talen sent me a message,, a cursed riddle  “Not all leaves fall where they should. The trees shake with whispers of poison.” ...Gods why do you torment me in my weakness, I cant concentrate in this filth and squalor to light a fire if I had tinder how on Haven can I concentrate on figuring out a riddle from someone I love... I shall never understand its meaning but it will continue to torment my mind... For it brings my heart a message that is foreboding and I fear that one I love will perish within its words... I am cursed beyond repair perhaps this atonement will be my undoing...

[nameless-blind-mute]

Thinking back. Day 6

-- Nameless sits alone in the dark beside a creek, with no fire for warmth as he has no way to start one. No blanket to wrap himself in nothing to bring him comfort but the sound of bats flitting past, frogs as they groan in the night  and crickets as they sing their brilliant songs--

Still alone, how is it I have wandered for days and not found another soul.. I’m lucky I suppose for they would likely try and kill me as I have become a hideous beast... Zet’talen will not let me die but the pain is quite real as is the swelling and hunger that persist within my belly.

Loneliness is not new to me, but I never realized it so until Miss Fhionnuisce, the Somnian Sluagh of the Princess came to visit me. She, in her gentle and honoring approach and her kind honesty brought me to realize that those who call me friend simply wanted to use me, or draw near to manipulate me.. Never have I felt so alone as when she walked from my gardens... Then Anada comes to loan money out of her meager pocket to help restore our needs, as I spent all I had to save prince Somnia... In this, I realized that for many years in rooms and palaces full of people it was just Eru and I who saw each other for who we are... and Tanana has taken her from me as well.

I have had faithful servants like Arron the Gardner and a few others over the years but no one who truly calls me friend... even Lord Fader although Loyal is only relay interested in the knowledge he can acquire for Sensus by my friendship I am sure he would betray me for the right information to add to his books...

My father despises me for my kindness and forgiveness, he calls me weak willed, my mother rebukes me for not being ambitious enough in filling our Finnien pockets, and she mocks my silly approach and belief that making the people profitable will profit us as well... 

The other houses do not consider me at all because I am third from the throne and in no position to take the house... All my life I am overlooked and unnoticed and when I am noticed it is with ridicule and mistrust.. And now The Gods have sought to do the same... Mistrust my motives and question my judgment... Exile me as though my crimes are of the most hideous and vile nature. Yet it is I had come to Zet’talen of my own will... begging for forgiveness and help to make it right. Am I to believe You are a harsh and cruel Judge? Shall I never forget your swift and harsh judgment?

So, If I am broken and so horrible a Sidhe and leader that I cannot escape this judgment ... who am I to become?... Does Zet’tallen hate the Sidhe? For the things he has asked me to let go are the things in my nature I already have fought... the things that all Sidhe are made of... Does he hate me? Yes I have been over zealous and brought harm to haven and risk to those I love in the pursuit of longer life that I should lead all of haven into a more unified and peaceful prosperity together... 

The truth is I do not understand the meaning of this or why it is to be as it is... nor do I understand what is required other than my suffering so all I can do is fight the Sidhe in me and put vengeance and spite out of my heart for that will surely bring me to failure of this atonement... the promise that this somehow will help my people is more important than my suffering.. my only hope is that for a while I forget those whom I love and who have brought me comfort and peace... for the memory of them brings power to the great hole I now have inside me with them gone...

[nameless-blind-mute]

A brief Respite. Day 4

Mid morning ... not that it matters to one who now if bound to live in constant sorrow.

The pain in my belly now surpasses the pain in my wounds...although I have learned to be more cautious and stay my footing... my sweet servant Eru .. How graceful she was in loosing her sight.. far more than I... for I am useless and devoid of quality's worth saving... The filth that covers me restricts my ability to concentrate long enough to remember how to do the simplest tasks... by all rights I should be put to grave like a wounded animal for what good i bring the world now... but the journey has hope to save my people..

I now believe Zat’tallen will preserve my life for 5 times I have attempted to take it from him, drowning, tossing myself from great height, falling on a farmers plow, I even attempted to smash in my own head with a rock to no avail. Zet’Tallen knows my thoughts and protects me even from myself...

So now I just walk... I can no longer weep for my tears are like grains of sand.. I hate the sounds I make for it reminds me of my hideousness and my loathsome appearance so I make every effort to be silent.. I even attempted to jam sticks into my ears to deafen myself that I be relieved from the constant disgust of just sipping some water but Zet’tallen would not allow this either.

So now the hunger ... Perhaps if I just wait long enough Zet’tallen  will have pity on me and allow me to starve to death,,,, I have no survival skills to assist myself and if I did I could not conjure the will to concentrate on the tasks for this grime irritates me so... so I must wait... 

-- nameless sits upon the ground in silence ad waits for death--

bees.. all I hear is bees.. Honey? 

-- he crawls around so quiet , attempting to follow their flight path with his ears... an hour he follow them through the thick under brush as they get louder and louder as his mouth begins to water.. finally he finds it.--

--He crashes his fist into the hive as his body erupts in the flame of a thousand stings. He winces but he makes not a sound as he pours the thick flavorless slime into his throat over and over until his belly is full--

--His face now covered in sticky goo and swollen to an unrecognizable state he makes his way back to his staff and the path he travels. He wraps his rags around his head and walks on silent--

[nameless-blind-mute]

Morning after. Day 1

Awake… am I awake? I feel warmth of Sol… i think…. So thirsty… i have eaten nothing but a few berries with fhio before. … before this…

Nameless attempts to get up but he is weak and the rags he wears are stuck to his many wounds…

Ungh he moans sharply reminding him his tongue has been taken…. weeping is all he can do…

I’m dirty covered in filth… I can feel it permeating my body … how can I function in this state? No I must or I will die… perhaps that would be better… I have lost everything that I am…. everything I love…. perhaps death is a kinder fate….

–something stirs in Nameless and drives him to rise… the journey

You promised to help my people if I take this weight and I will but change? I dont know how to do more… more than I have already done to control that which drives me… but the journey is all I have.. and the hope that those I love and serve will be saved

– slowly he forces himself to his feet… must continue

Slowly the man walks carefull to not injure himself further… with no eyes to tell the hour or distance he eventually discovers a creek ruining fast..

Nameless drops his staff and stumbles forward and falls into the fresh water… The water burns as it pulls stones and sticks from his wounds… he trys to drink but he can only splash the water into his mouth and choke down the fluid as he gags without the use of his tongue… the sound of him trying to drink disgusts him self loathing and pity consumes him…

Revolting…. I was a beautiful creation of the dreaming and now look at me… a horrid disgusting vile beast to be despised and bring tears to children at my sight…. Gods why have you allowed this…?

He drives his face into the water and attempts to drown himself… choking and gagging.. all the while becoming more and more disgusted with his own presence…

I do not belong here! I do not belong in this world any longer … despite the water in his lungs he will not die… Zet’talen will not allow it… he lives full of sorrow and grief another day while he begs for death….

[nameless-blind-mute]

The Journey begins

Broken… shattered…. overwhelmed with remorse grief and terror as I begin my atonement..

There is a battle inside me raging.. how could the great Zet’talen misunderstand so greatly who I am and what I try to do… Why would he let his devoted bring such a harsh punishment on my head… why ….

I have fallen more than a hundred times this night I believe I am bleeding from every limb but I cannot see as he has removed my eyes, and i can not taste if the wetness which soaks me is blood or water for he has taken my tongue…

WHY? I beg you for understanding…. I have always tryd to be different… Better than my forefathers.. More diligent. Stronger. Constantly Setting aside what was expected of me to pursue what seemed right, even if it was the kinder and more soft path… I have endeavored in all things to set aside my wrath and vengeance and always pursued truth over my own assumptions… yes there are times when my frustration made me weak and those who stood against me suffered for a time. After all despite my will, and self control I am in fact a Sidhe. But never for my sole benefit… always for the bigger benefit of the greater good… so why crush my pride, my self worth, my vision for the world… for i have always sought to control the foolish pride that drives sidhe to recklessness and violence…. I have always sought to see a better world and you have taken my eyes to see any world at all…

And WHAT OF my greed… oh great Zet’talen… your holy devoted spoke of my greed that brought this woe upon me and the world… what greed is this?.. I have always sought to prosper the people first. If I was made of greed like my older brother and my father I would have sought to prosper myself first…. would not have i demanded the Empress Brea pay Dae'Avels randsome? or at least return to my city and my pockets that which I FREELY gave for his safe return despite how he disrespects me and mistrusts me? Would have I not demanded all of it be returned to me with interest and been well within my rights to do so? …. BUT NO that is not who I am! … EVEN MY FATHER DESPISES ME FOR MY GENEROSITY AND KINDNESS yet you punish me as though I have none…

-Nameless trips to the ground smashing his face into a rock- The pain excruciating in his head as he curls into a fetal ball in the mud and weeps with sorrow until he falls to slumber… there are no dreams of those he loves …no kind faces appear to remind him of the life he had… no friend to comfort or console him..