#broke emile’s whole face in the process

[hythlodaes]

but it happened easy, darling…

[just-call-me-the-intrusive-thot]

Soulmate September - Day 14

Day 14 - The first words you hear your soulmate speak are written on your arm. 

Pairing(s): Familial Moxiety, Romantic Dukexiety, Romantic Logince, Romantic Moceit, Familial Roceit, Familial Dukeceit

TWs: swearing, fight mention [not graphic really just a heads up], panic attacks, childhood trauma mention, neglectful parents mention  

--

Patton knew he had to prepare for the day he met his soulmate. It was literally written into him - in such faded, gentle text too - just how much his soulmate needed love and reassurance;

“I’m sorry, I understand if you don’t want me anymore.”

The second they’d appeared on his 18th birthday, Pat dedicated himself to being the best soulmate possible; he taught himself every form of comfort and reaffirming technique he could find, he prepared his home to be as comfortable and safe as possible, and he even went the extra mile of buying soothing scented candles and a variety of calming teas.

When it came to his destined partner, Patton spared no expense. 

Only, no matter what he did, Patton couldn’t seem to cut it when it came to romance. Not that he didn’t feel attraction to the men he approached - lord knows he could feel his heart racing in hopeful anticipation every time - but none were his soulmate. They were always either polite in their rejection or just outright dismissive of him when his words didn’t match their soulmarks.

By his late 20s, Patton decided that he would instead pursue his second greatest dream; adopting a child. 

Ever since Pat was a teenager, the idea of being a parent had been something he’d dreamed of. Just he, his soulmate, and their child. But since time was marching on without any luck finding his cosmic match, Patton decided he would rather be a happy single pappy than spend his days entirely alone. 

That wasn’t to say he wasn’t beyond nervous once the process had begun. Even though he’d checked his financial stability, even though he’d sacrificed his comfy home office room to make way for a child’s room, Patton still worried that it all wouldn’t be enough. Or perhaps the idea of being rejected even by the child he hoped to adopt was just too much for him. Either way, he sat behind the wheel of his car and took a deep breath. The agency had invited him to one of their bonding events to meet the child they thought would best suit him, and Patton truly hoped that he would make a good impression.

Locking the car behind him, Patton approached the sign in table; the warm summer breeze made it the perfect day for an outdoor sports day event. The smell of the food stalls and fresh fruit mixed with the scent of grass, which helped calm Patton’s nerves as assigned social worker, Emile, waved him over.

“Patton, excellent timing!”, he beamed, looking towards someone hiding behind his back, “It’s alright, Virgil, this nice man is the one who’d like to be your dad!”

Patton watched as a young boy cautiously peeked out from behind Emile. His dark fluffy hair hid his eyes a little, but Patton could still see him observing his every movement. Despite the heat, the boy wore an oversized child’s black hoodie that still dwarfed his frail frame and left him with a case of sweater paws. It took the boy a minute to fully emerge and nervously offer Patton a hand to shake. Aww, so formal! Patton crouched down and gently shook his hand,

“Hi, kiddo! It’s great to meet you- oh!”

The boy scrambled back behind Emile and Patton gave the man a worried glance. Emile shook his head reassuringly, “Don’t worry, Virgil’s just been through a lot, he’s been excited to meet you, I promise!”

Patton wasn’t entirely reassured, but he needed to trust Emile’s judgement! So, he went with Emile and Virgil to get their numbers for the events. In that time, Patton learned a great deal about Virgil from Emile; the lad was selectively mute - a defense mechanism he’d picked up from living with neglectful parents who were quick to snap at him - but that didn’t bother Patton in the slightest. As long as Virgil was comfy to just show instead of telling, Patton didn’t mind! It became apparent from his shy mini-conversations with Emile that Virgil loved Disney, especially the darker, spookier movies. 

Most of all though, Patton found that he and Virgil were really warming up to one another. They’d tried a number of different events from playing frisbee, to soccer, to a number of parent-child oriented races, and despite Virgil not saying a word the entire time, it was clear by the boy’s bright smile and joyous laughter that it was going well.

They took a break and Patton treated Virgil to an ice cream as a treat. 

“So, are you having fun, Virgil?”

The boy nodded shyly, but he looked a lot less anxious than he had that morning. Virgil used one of his little hoodie paws to push the hair out of his eyes for a second, letting Patton see that they were both different colours; green and brown. Patton had a small moment of doubt strike him; Virgil really did look rather different compared to him, with paler skin, pronounced freckles, and dark hair and eyes that didn’t match his own. Would Virgil just have a hard time if Patton adopted him?

No, he couldn’t think like that. He needed to believe he was going to be the best parent Virgil could ask for!

Patton turned toward Virgil just in time to see the young boy drop his ice cream. Confused, Pat went to ask what was wrong when Virgil’s hand grasped his shirt. The strong grip and sound of panicked breathing alerted him to what was up; a panic attack. Emile had warned him that Virgil experienced them, but it took him a moment to realise what’d set the poor boy off. Just in front of where they sat, a young couple had begun arguing rather intensely, right within Virgil’s eyeline. 

Thinking fast, Patton pat Virgil’s hair and gently reminded him, “It’s okay, Virgil. You’re gonna be alright, I’m here.”

Virgil shakily looked up at Patton, the look on the poor kid’s face broke his heart on the spot. 

“Can you count five things you can see, Virgil?”, he softly prompted.

Virgil found it hard to answer, but he raised a hand to point to Patton, who gave a smile, “That’s one. You got this, kiddo, just four more...”

It took a little bit of work, but Virgil managed to calm down, finally breathing easier as he clung to Patton’s arm. Patton was about to get up to get Virgil some water, assuring him “I’ll be right back-”, when Virgil made a small whining noise. Confused, Pat stayed to be sure he was okay and was stunned as the young lad finally uttered, quietly,

“I’m sorry,”, he sniffled, ”I understand if you don’t want me anymore..”

Of all the contexts Patton had imagined he’d hear his soul phrase, he hadn’t expected it to be in regards to the son he would adopt, but if fate was telling him that what he needed was to be a father, then who was he to argue? He talked to Emile about adopting Virgil as soon as possible and eventually welcomed the young lad into his home.

--

Patton twirled around the kitchen, excitedly mixing pancake batter; sure, they both knew what Virgil’s soul mark would likely say; “Hi, kiddo! It’s great to meet you- oh!”. He recalled their meeting like it was just yesterday, not twelve whole years ago now. A blossom of pride bloomed in Patton’s chest, Virgil had grown into a sweet, sensible, if a little paranoid young man. Pat had been worried at first about his fatherly abilities, but the slew of “Best Dad” gifts he’d received every father’s day without fail reassured him that he was doing alright.

“Morning, Popstar.”, Virgil yawned as he dragged himself into the kitchen, the ribbon he tied around his arm still in place. It was a tradition for Patton’s family to keep their soulmarks a surprise until the morning and thankfully Virgil hadn’t minded despite things being more obvious.

“Morning, kiddo!”, Patton beamed, pouring out a bunch of small pancakes into the pan, “Sleep well?”

Virgil nodded, looking from Patton to the ribbon, “... Can I-”

“Of course!”, Patton smiled, “Sorry I couldn’t be more creative with-”

“What the fuck?!”

“Language!”

“Shit, sorry-”

Virgil took a second to recalibrate as Patton sat at the table, “Look.”

Pat watched as Virgil turned his arm towards him, expecting to see his own words, but instead he read, “How dare you!?”.

“How… Dad, how’s that possible?!”, Virgil asked, perplexed.

Saying Pat was stunned was putting it lightly. How could their marks differ!? Unless..

Patton rolled his sweater sleeve up and gasped upon seeing new writing;

“Well, I was totally expecting that.”

Patton didn’t know whether to celebrate or not; he’d spent the last twelve years coming to terms with the fact he wouldn’t likely have a romantic soulmate, but now in much bolder text than his son’s had been, he had a new message.

Virgil on the other hand was absolutely caught between excitement and panic.

“HOLYSHITHOLYSHITHOLYSHIT-”

“Language!”

“Sorry!!”, Virgil wheezed, still wrapping his head around things, “I have a soulmate!! I mean, a romantic soulmate!! Holy sh- damn!!!”, he corrected at the last minute. Both father and son were so shocked that neither one noticed the pancakes were burning until the smoke detector went off…

--

That morning, Virgil arrived at school with a nervous churning in his stomach. The idea of talking to other people still scared him, but even more scary was the idea of meeting his soulmate. There were many boys in his year he hoped it could be, but they all surely wouldn’t be paired with him. Who would want a soulmate like him anyway?...

Virgil shook his head, trying not to think of the worst outcomes when he collided with another student. Instinctively, he apologised, “Shit! Sorry!”

The boy, clad in a white and red letterman jacket paired with a crimson face mask scoffed, “How dare you!-”

They locked eyes for a second and - in perfect sync - checked their soulmarks. Virgil locked eyes with his soulmate, noting the smile lines appearing at the corners. 

“Well! This sure is an odd meeting but it’s good to see you, fair soulmate!”

He sounded insufferable, but Virgil loved it. He smirked and accepted the hand up his soulmate offered. 

“Thanks, Shakespeare. What’s your name?”, he asked, nervously letting go of the offered hand, “I’m Virgil.”

The boy reached out to take the hand once again, and despite wearing a face mask, pressed a kiss to Virgil’s knuckles through the fabric. “Roman. At your service, my prince.”

Ugh, he’s so cheesy. Perfect.

The rest of the day, the two met up to talk about their interests, both gladly noting a love of My Chemical Romance. As the day came to an end, Virgil wasn’t able to catch his soulmate before his father came to pick him up, but he was so delighted that he all but threw himself into the car to tell Patton about his day. Patton was so happy for Virgil, he sprung for a pizza and the two of them spent the night watching movies until late while Virgil enthusiastically talked about his soulmate long into the night.

--

Patton wasn’t sure what he expected when he turned up at the school’s office, but his son sitting there with a bruised eye and several bandages covering his cheeks and knuckles wasn’t it.

As soon as Virgil clocked Patton, he saw the kid slump in disappointment with himself. Well that won’t do. He sat down next to Virgil and put an arm around his son, “What happened, kiddo? If someone’s picking on you, you can tell me-”

“My soulmate did this.”, Virgil spat quietly, bringing his knees up to his chest with a groan of pain; whether it was from putting his bruised cheek on top of his knee, or the emotional pain, Pat wasn’t sure. But having your soulmate do something so cruel!? Why!?

“Virgil.. What happened?”

Virgil whined in his throat but eventually relented and explained the situation to Patton…

He’d entered the hallway after lunch, not having seen Roman all day until he spotted him talking with a tall, serious looking boy wearing dark blue glasses. Virgil made his way over, only to feel his heart sink as Roman kissed the taller boy’s cheek as he left for class. What the hell!? Feeling hurt, Virgil shook with each step on the way to Roman,

“Roman!?”

The boy turned to him, “Yes? What do you want-?”

“Are you kidding me!?”, Virgil couldn’t help the outburst, “We’ve been soulmates for less than a day and you’re cheating on me already!?”

Man, Roman really wasn’t tooting his own horn yesterday; his confused face looked almost real.

“Who-?? What in the name of Heather Chandler are you talking about!?”

“Are...Are you messing with me?! I just saw you kiss that guy!”

“Yeah?! He’s my soulmate!?”, Roman sounded angry which only made Virgil angrier.

“But you’re MY soulmate?! You-!! You spent all of yesterday with me, you asshole!!” 

He wasn’t sure if the tightness in his heart was betrayal or a panic attack oncoming, but Virgil couldn’t fight the tears threatening his eyes. Roman furrowed his brow, having the audacity to look concerned for him.

“Look, I don’t know who you are but maybe you’ve got the wrong person-”, he went to put a hand on Virgil’s shoulder to calm him down, but Virgil slapped it away angrily.

“Don’t you DARE try that shit with me! It was you- You know what, fuck you! Go enjoy your little cheating buddy, I’m done with this soulmates shit!!!”

He turned to leave when Roman went to grab his sleeve in frustration, “Hey, don’t-”

Virgil didn’t remember pushing Roman that hard, but the next thing he knew, the stronger boy was holding his nose that’d hit the wall with a little bloody splat from the impact. Oh dear. The little remaining colour in Virgil’s face drained as he realised he’d have to escape or risk a fight with a guy who looked like he could drop him in one punch.

But his stupid body wouldn’t move in time. 

“.... And then we got into a fight in the hallway, then the principal came along and-!”

Patton wrapped his arm around Virgil’s shoulders, gently soothing the poor kid.

“It’s alright, kiddo, I’ll talk to your principal and do what I can, okay?”

Virgil nodded, clearly still anxious, but as the principal’s door opened and Roman stepped out looking like he’d been six rounds with a tennis ball launcher. He’d never admit it out loud, but Patton was secretly impressed with how much of a fight Virgil must’ve put up. Roman’s glare found Virgil while he sat as far opposite he and his father as possible, muttering under his breath,

“I can’t believe I have to put up with this travesty-”

Enraged, Virgil hissed at him, “When are you gonna stop pretending you don’t recognise me!? Just admit you’re a cheating asshole!”

“Oh for the love of-!”

Removing his letterman and rolling the sleeve of his maroon shirt and all but shoved his forearm into Virgil’s face. To Virgil’s horror, it had changed, “Falsehood, this is physics.”.

“... That…. That’s not...”

“Not what?! Not the right soulmark!? How surprising! It’s almost like I told you hundreds of times I wasn’t your goddamn soulmate, you violent lying heathen!”

“I’m not lying!!”, Virgil protested, his frantic stare looking between both Patton and Roman, “It really did say something else yesterday-”

“Your deception is so blatant, it’s laughable.” 

They all turned in time to see a figure Virgil recognised all too reluctantly. The boy Roman had kissed earlier had arrived, meeting Virgil’s form with a scrutinising gaze that held nothing but contempt. 

“Roman was absent yesterday.”, he explained, “I have the texts he sent me in advance to prove as such.”

Virgil hated his condescending tone almost as much as he hated how much his stomach clenched in pain seeing the adoring smile on Roman’s face.

“Thank god you kept them, Logan.”, Roman sighed, “Otherwise this lying ruffian would-”

“That’s enough!”

Even Logan flinched at Patton’s outburst. There was only so much he could take, but calling his son, his pride and joy, a ruffian!? A liar!? That was too far. 

“I dunno whats going on here,”, he began, voice firm and scolding, unmistakably a fatherly tone, “But I know my son, and there’s no reason for Virgil to lie about this. Honestly, you both look like smart boys, what reason would Virgil have for being so persistent?”

Roman and Logan shared a glance, the latter stoic as ever while the former tried to explain the discrepancy away, “He… Perhaps he’s delusional...”

Patton wasn’t amused. 

“Try again.”

Virgil was stunned to hear his father sound so stern, unable to keep the smirk of pride off of his face.

“Then he-! He must be doing it for attention-!”

“Virgil?“, Patton asked, not missing a beat and unbreaking with the eye contact with Roman.

“Yeah, Popstar?”

“You said it was just you and Roman when you confronted him and when you ran into him the first time, right?”

“Yeah, basically.”

“Then it wouldn’t have been for attention, surely.”, Patton explained, “If anything, it’s shaping up to look more like you were really playing a mean trick on Virgil..”

Roman shuffled uncomfortably, causing Logan to butt in to try and defend his soulmate, “If you will kindly refrain from badgering Roman, I would like to point out that Roman is not the type to attempt this kind of mean spirited prank. Also, you are being rather biased in your opinion-”

“And you’re not?”, Patton retorted, “I don’t mean any offense, Logan, right?”

Logan nodded.

“Well, Logan, you’re Roman’s soulmate, correct?”

“Correct.”

“Then you’re also biased. So what’s the difference?”

The flabbergasted look on Logan’s face was priceless to Virgil who looked to his father like he was a God among men. His dad is so COOL. Just then, the principal opened the office door, 

“Sorry to interrupt but like, Virgil, I’ll need to talk to your father now.”

Oof, there goes that fleeting serotonin. Patton nodded and got up, ruffling Virgil’s hair, “Try not to get into another fight in the meantime, okay kiddo?”

Virgil avoided looking at Roman or Logan, “.... No promises.”

For a good few minutes, the three of them sat in silence, Virgil hiding in his hoodie like a lifeline to avoid looking at his soulmate-but-not-anymore. Just hearing them quietly talk to each other so softly and affectionately made him want to be sick. Why did the soulmark change? Could Roman really have just been playing a shitty trick on him? As much as he hated to admit it, every time Roman looked his way now, Virgil could tell that the guy felt awful. Whether it was guilt over a joke too far or for Virgil being so convinced and turning out to be wrong, the emo had no idea.

Virgil’s brain tuned into the conversation between the two boys across from him, catching the tail end of an unrelated conversation.

“Oh, Roman, I didn’t see Remus this morning, would you mind returning the book I borrowed last week back to him?”

“Don’t bother, he’ll be here pretty soon anyway.”, Roman groaned and slumped in his seat, “He’s at the dentist but dad should be bringing him along-”

“Hold up.”, Virgil finally spoke up, cursing how rough his voice sounded as the two looked his way, “Sorry but um, did you just say you have a brother?”

“Yeah?”, Roman crossed his arms, trying to seem pissed still.

“Does he happen to look like you?“

“No shit, we’re twi-”

From the mutual horrified look they each gave the other, they had both figured out the problem just as a man walked into the office in a rather expensive looking business suit followed by what could only be described as a near perfect clone of Roman; only instead of Roman’s signature reds, golds, and whites, the chaotic looking boy sported a mix of blacks, silvers, and greens. Without either of them having to say another word, their theory was confirmed as Roman’s twin, Remus, grinned brightly, “VIRGIL~!!!!”, making a beeline for the stunned emo.

Virgil didn’t have a second to think as Remus scooped him into a hug. Yeowch, what a grip. 

“Dude, my ribs-”

“Whoop, my bad- Hey what the fuck!?”, Remus put Virgil down in time to realise he was covered in bruises, “Who did it?! They’re a deadman, just say the word, Virge-”

The man from before cleared his throat, “Remus, please do keep us all in the dark. You know I enjoy being confused.”

Remus turned to the man just as Patton’s father walked out of the office into the commotion and gestured to Virgil like he was the holy grail itself, 

“Dad, he’s my soulmate!! It’s kinda a long story, but since Roman was out sick, I figured “Hey why not see if I could be Roman for a day?!” but then I met Virge here and I had to keep up the Roman shtick, but then I wanted him to see me without all the Roman getup but by then I couldn’t find him again!”, he turned to Virgil apologetic but no less chaotic, “I wanted to say something before but I figured you’d think I was super crazy!”

Both parents were rather stunned to say the least.

“Well, I was totally expecting that.”, Janus murmured.

“Yeah, me neither.”, Patton agreed.

Both men turned to each other, ignoring their respective sons at the moment in favour of sharing a surprised glance. Patton couldn’t help but note how handsome the man was; beautiful piercing green eyes, tanned skin with patches of vitiligo, honey brown hair that stayed tucked neatly under his bowler hat. If Patton had known his soulmate would look this handsome, he’d have worn more than just his grey cardigan, blue polo shirt, and khaki shorts. However, the handsome man didn’t seem to mind, if the affectionate smirk he sported was any indication. He took Patton’s hand and lifted it to his lips, kissing it softly,

“Janus King,”, he uttered with a silky voice that set Patton’s heart aflutter, “Had I known my soulmate was so breathtaking, I’d have sought you out sooner.”

Patton’s face flushed bright red. He needed to take a second before he could answer, “Pa...Patton Sanders.”, he smiled bashfully, “I ought to be careful, I guess. I don’t wanna go to jail for theft.” 

It wasn’t his best joke, but Janus’ shoulders heaved in a silent chuckle, “Don’t worry, I wold be happy to defend you in court-”

“Uuugh, get a room.”, both twins groaned in unison; Roman still leaning on Logan while Remus was peppering Virgil with kisses.

Their father affectionately flipped them the bird while Patton shyly rubbed the back of his neck. Through the silence, the headmaster cleared his throat, “Like, I wanna go home sometime today, so like, if you all have your shit sorted then that’s great. Now go. Shoo.”

They didn’t need to be told twice; the ragtag group all made their way home once Janus and Patton had exchanged details and finally pried Remus off of his overwhelmed but adoring soulmate.

-----

Day 14, and I’m stll gonna try and get this all done, juST WATCH MEEEE

Fun stuff I wanted to include but couldn’t find the time to put in:

- Logan’s soulmark was “Why do you have those [science textbooks]? This is History right?”

- As you can guess, they met when Roman came to the wrong class and noticed Logan whipping out the Physics textbooks

- The reason fate made Patton adopt Virgil first was because without Virgil, Patton would’ve never crossed paths with his soulmate

- While Virgil is adopted, Janus used a surrogate and wasn’t expecting twins but he’s no less delighted to be their father. Even if they’re little shits.

- Probably obvious but the headmaster is Remy because heck it I love him.

@tsshipmonth2020

Taglist: @somehow-i-got-an-account   @cateye-glasses   @fandomsofrandom

[meetthetank]

Cruciamen Chapter 6: The Bog

Rating: Mature Archive Warning: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Categories: F/M, Other Fandom: NieR: Automata (Video Game) Relationships: 2B/9S (NieR: Automata), A2/A4 (NieR: Automata) Characters: 2B (NieR: Automata), 9S (NieR: Automata), A2 (NieR: Automata), A4 (NieR: Automata), Emil (NieR: Automata), Kainé (Nier) Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, genre typical violence, On the Run, Monster of the Week, 9S is a half demon, 2B and A2 are shapeshifter Dragons, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Smut in the future, inaccurate depictions of medical procedures, Fantasy Biology, A2 is Nonbinary

A2 has never flown this fast in all their life. A horrible blistering wind whips behind the gelatinous demon that soars ahead of them. No longer the searing heat of the desert (they lost track of when the terrain changed from sand to swamp), it stings their eyes even through their second eyelids, but that is of little concern to them now. All they want is to sink their teeth into Hegel's flesh and spill its tainted blood onto the earth. They push their body to its limit, each wingbeat pushing them as far and as fast as possible.

The demon employs all manner of foul defenses to keep A2 from reaching it. Whenever they close in, it expels a burst of air that threatens to knock them out of the sky. Each time they maneuver in place for a dive, it either lashes out with one of its tentacles or fires off energy beams at them. Though the wound has since healed, the phantom sting of burnt flesh is strong. They’d rather swerve out of the way and be set back than suffer that again.

That changes once they manage to tear at Hegel’s flesh with a talon.

The moment they feel their claws pierce the demon’s skin something snaps within them. Fury and hate consume their body and sings through their blood. Their muscles scream against the surge of raw power that courses through them. They put all their energy into a frantic burst of speed, closing the gap between them and Hegel. A flurry of panicked blasts of energy singe their wings and scales, but the pain fails to stop them. In fact, the more their body begs for them to stop, the harder they push themself. The pain fuels the bloodlust in a violent feedback loop.

With a burst of speed A2 closes the last few feet between them and Hegel. They don’t slow down, not even when they make contact with the demon’s flesh. Their beak pierces through the skin of one of its bulbous sacks, their whole head sinking inside. A rush of foul air escapes through the tears A2 leaves with their teeth and claws. It stings at their eyes and makes their stomach turn violently, but still they persist.

They wrench their head free from the deflating sack of air as the demon screams. It begins to sink in the sky, having lost some of its buoyancy. Good, they’re on their way to grounding the demon, but it’s not enough. Not even close. They need to make this thing bleed. A2 claws their way to another sack of air and sinks their teeth into it before Hegel can recover from the first impact. A strip of the membranous tissue remains stuck in their beak, a small bit the demon’s blood dripping down their throat. It tastes sickly sweet, like overripe fruits.

Hegel bellows, a horrid sound that shakes A2 to their core. The sound itself seems to make the wind tremble. If it weren’t for this hysteric strength A2 wouldn’t have been able to hold onto the demon. Its tentacles whip and slap at them as much as it can, but only the tips can reach them for now. 

Neither A2 nor Hegel notice the fast approaching treeline till the demon crashes into the canopy of mangrove trees. Both launch forward into the mass of vegetation and dead branches. Disoriented, A2 throws their wings and legs out to slow their fall but the world spins around them. They can’t see anything beyond blurs of green and brown. Occasionally their claws will rake against the bark of a branch or trunk but the speed of their fall rips them from the tree.

A splash reaches their ears just before they hit the surface of a stagnant pool of water. They thrash against everything, the vines and roots, the mud, the water itself, and their own body, to breach the surface. The moment they do they inhale as much as they can, but only gulp down mouthfuls of mud and water. Their claws catch on a thick bundle of roots and pull themself up out of the muck. It sticks to their feathers, pressing them down against their skin. They shake themself off as quickly as they can and scratch the grime from their eyes so they can get their bearings. Trees, water, lots of hanging vegetation, and the bulbous mass of Hegel rising out of the murk.

With a roar, A2 launches at the demon, leaping from mangrove trunk to trunk. With the mud caking on their feathers and how dense the trees are it's impossible for them to fly. It’s much slower but it’s their only option. Well, the only option they can think off with bloodlust clouding their mind.

“FOOL!” Hegel screams, exposing rows of flat teeth, “Do you realize what you’ve done?!”

The only answer the demon gets is a roar. A2 didn’t expect Hegel to speak in any capacity, much less in a language they could understand. It didn’t matter what this beast was saying anyway. A2 is deaf to anything besides the thunder of blood in their ears.

“Idiot reptile! You’ve killed us both!!”

Hegel’s teeth grind together, the sound rattling through A2’s bones. Whether it was just how the vile creature spoke or if it was preparing some sort of audio attack, it didn’t matter. A2 lunges at its body, forcing it to stumble backward into the mud once again. It rockets for the treetops with A2 close behind it, but the foul air that propels it sputters out well before it reaches its destination. They slash and bite at its tentacles and flesh, trying to cripple it further. A thick primary tendril slams into A2’s neck, sending them falling back to the mud. They fight to right themselves before Hegel can put more distance between them. Plants roots and long grasses bind their legs down in the mire, slowing their escape. Hegel loops its fleshy tentacles around the branches to pull its body along since it can no longer fly-

Suddenly the mud roils and rises up in an impossibly huge shape. A2’s body seizes. Muscles and bone lock together as they watch the earth itself swell around the body of some insane creature. The bloodlust and rage is quickly replaced with primal fear. They see a line of rocks… no, teeth. A snout with two nostrils that expel a geyser of swamp water. An eye larger than Hegel itself, colored an evil yellow with a single slit pupil. Hegel spins around as fast as it can but its body betrays it. The demon isn’t built for anything but flight. Without air giving it buoyancy it’s as helpless as a beached whale. In a flash of movement, the great beast that lurks under the mud, an alligator larger than any living thing A2 had ever seen, slams its jaws shut on Hegel. The demon doesn’t even have time to scream.

As quickly as the enormous alligator appeared, the beast drags itself back into the mud along with its prize. The only sign that something broke the surface of the water at all is the displaced duckweed and bubbles that emerge from the depths.

Before A2 can process what just happened, the swamp explodes with sound and movement. Something latches onto their leg, teeth cutting through their scales and hide. The water begins to roil around them. What looks to be hundreds of small fish with serrated teeth barrel towards them and their bleeding leg. With all their frantic strength they pull themself up by their claws and wrap their wings around the trunk of a mangrove. They barely have time to rip the distressingly sized leech from their ankle before the jaws of another monstrous alligator lunges at them. A2 scrambles up the tree trunk, just barely out of reach of gator’s teeth. 

A2’s claws sink into something thick and fleshy. One of the branches has a different coloration than the light grey bark of a mangrove; it’s a dull green, scaly to the touch, and shines in the light of the setting sun. A great snake whips its head around to face A2, its fangs glinting with dull yellow venom as it lunges for their wing. Without thinking A2 lets go of their grip and flails away from the snake. They plummet back into the watery mud and instantly feel more leeches attach to their body. 

Again A2 bursts from the mud, this time not stopping to catch their breath on the trunk of a tree. It isn’t often that they admit to themself that they’re in over their head, but fear overrides any sense of pride that remains in them. They pick a direction and jump from tree to tree, scattering birds, reptiles, and huge insects that flee from this large predator and whatever they may be running from. Every move they make puts them in the path of one ornery animal or another; a slip of their foot almost gets that foot bitten off by a lazy snapping turtle disguised as a boulder, a misplaced claw rips open the walls of a nest of yellow and black stinging insects the size of their head. 

They have no idea how long they’ve been jumping between trees in an unknown direction; they can’t even look towards the sun, not with the dense canopy blocking the sky from view. A2 could have changed directions so many times that they’ve been going in circles and not even know it. With the mud and leeches dragging them down, they can’t simply fly away, especially not with how thick the mangrove forest is. 

A break in the treeline appears before A2. They almost miss it in between scanning their surroundings like a prey animal. It’s salvation to them, the exit to this hellish swamp. They’d take the blistering desert over the bog any day. They could go back to Kaine and Emil, if they’d let them stay again. They wouldn’t complain this time, not about anything. Not after seeing this place.

The break grows larger; they can see where the treeline grows thin. They even see grass and wildflowers growing on the ground instead of mud. A2 throws themself towards the light of the setting sun, hoping to any higher power that would listen that it isn’t just a clearing.

Suddenly a shadow in the shape of a great beast lunges at A2 from another tree, soon followed by a second and a third. The creatures talk to each other in a violent language of chattering and barks… no, not the creatures, whatever is riding them. Three giant rats carry three women dressed in bark, leather, and bones. Each woman draws a crude bow and notches an arrow dripping with black liquid and takes aim at A2. The women bark something at them, perhaps a warning, and are met with a frightened hiss from the mud soaked Coatyl. A moment later the women loose their arrows, one of them landing just above A2’s head. They smell the sharp, acrid stench of whatever the women are coating their arrows with, and they don’t want to stick around to find out what it’d do to a body. 

A2 leaps to the left, seizing a gap in the women’s formation and makes a dash for the treeline once again, but the large rats the women ride are far more nimble than A2 gave them credit for. One of the rats cuts them off and hisses at them, exposing yellowed fangs and festering sores on the inside of its mouth. A2 can smell its breath, like a rotting corpse, and recoils away. Again, they try to dart for freedom only to be outmaneuvered by the rats and the riders, all while avoiding arrow after arrow. The women cackle and bark in their foreign language, and though A2 can’t understand them, their tone is mocking. They’re making fun of them.

Faced with these three women blocking their only path out, A2 makes what might be the worst decision they’ve ever made.

They turn around and dive back into The Bog.

[entity9silvergen]

Oblique- Chapter 3 (Sanders Sides Fanfiction)

Previous Chapter, Full Story

Story Info:

Summary: Unable to experience romantic attraction, Remus feels incomplete. Unable to feel sexual attraction, Roman feels less than. Maybe as the King, they decide, they will feel whole again. Their partners and friends, however, know this isn’t the solution and seek to help them realize there’s nothing broken about them before it’s too late.

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Characters: Logan, Patton, Roman, Virgil, Nate, Remy, Emile, Seth, Toby, Janus, Remus, Unnamed Orange Side, Romulus, Dragon Witch

Relationships: Logan/ Patton, Virgil/ Roman, Janus/ Remus, Remy/ Emile, Toby/ Seth, Nate/ Orange Side

Other Tags: AroWriMo, Aromantic Remus, Asexual Roman, Spider Virgil, Snake Janus, Orange Side, 7th Side, Additional Sides, No OCs, Short Vid Characters

Author’s Note: This chapter takes place directly after chapter 1.

Warnings: Internalized acephobia, internalized arophobia, minor fighting, mentions of sex

======================

King Creativity. The most powerful of all the Sides, an omnipotent force of Thomas’s mind.

Romulus. An old friend to many Sides, someone who vanished long ago.

Two sides of the same coin. 

Virgil knew him as the King. Janus knew him as Romulus. That probably had something to do with the vast difference in their reactions. Virgil hadn’t been around when Romulus was. He’d formed much later but Logan, Patton, Janus, and Remy had told him a bit. Roman and Remus didn’t remember much, Seth had formed right after, and the rest of the Sides hadn’t appeared until the time Virgil had so they soaked up the stories like sponges. 

Logan often spoke of his abilities. He could do so much. He gave Thomas so many ideas and could bend the mindpalace with a mere thought. Patton liked to play with him. As children, they had many adventures together. Remy’s stories were more real. Just little tidbits about his quirks and personality, often teasing and fond. And Janus… He was Janus’s friend. Which must be why Janus looked so shocked right now.

Virgil couldn’t imagine what he must be feeling right now. As much as he and Janus hissed and fought, Virgil felt something akin to friendship for him deep down. He would never wish the sheer pain Janus had on his face onto anyone.

Was he happy to see his friend? Relieved to see him whole once more? Or was he horrified his partner was gone? That Remus had done something so drastic without telling him? Was he afraid of the King’s power? Virgil didn’t know. It was hard to read Janus’s face sometimes. Good feelings, bad feelings, it was all there in a big melting pot. Virgil wanted to slap him. When Virgil looked at the King, all he could see was something that had stolen Roman from him. He couldn’t hope to fathom Janus’s thoughts.

And that made him angry. 

Not at Janus. At Romulus, the King. And maybe Remus. Roman would never want to merge. He’d bet almost anything that Remus made him. He wouldn’t be surprised. Remus was always jealous of Roman’s role in Thomas’s mind. That he was the more dominant side of creativity. The King was powerful. He’d just taken out the Dragon Witch without breaking a sweat, for fuck’s sake. Remus probably wanted that power. Right? Maybe? Possibly? He knew it was cruel and unfair to pin everything on Remus but he couldn’t bear the thought of Roman willingly leaving him right now.

But when the King sauntered over, Virgil couldn’t bring himself to hate him.

The group hadn’t moved. Remy, Logan, and Janus were all standing around him, shocked and emotional at the sight of Romulus, on what had been a battlefield not a minute ago. None of them moved, somewhere between frozen in shock and wanting to run to the man who’d been their friend so long ago. But as the King neared, it became apparent something was wrong.

“Help me,” the King croaked as he stumbled over. Tears ran down his face, leaving clear tracks through the dirt caked on his skin. His steps were uneven as he stumbled and his weapons fell from his hands. He crouched down but he didn’t try to pick them up, instead just letting himself collapse onto his knees. “Help me.”

“What’s wrong with him?” Remy asked, visibly alarmed as the King reached out weakly for them.

“I think- I don’t think they merged properly,” Logan stuttered out. He stared at the grey-clad man with wide eyes before somewhat regaining his composure enough to explain himself properly. “Roman and Remus have always been able to refuse if they wish. They-”

“They have,” Remy interrupted. His sunglasses had somehow returned to his face but it was clear his eyes were fixed on the King behind them. “Not often but they have. A couple times. Here. In the dreamscape. By accident. And on purpose. They haven’t done it in years. But it was always fine. And Romu- The King never looked like this.”

“It feels wrong!” the King screamed into his hands, seeming to forget the other Sides were there. “It feels so wrong. What’s wrong with me?”

“They must not have been in the right state of mind when they fused,” Logan continued hurriedly. “He seems to be in pain. Perhaps Roman and Remus were distressed when they attempted to fuse? And that caused… this.”

“It hurts,” the King moaned. “The reflection’s gone. It’s not art, it’s not bleeding. It’s just empty. It was empty before but now… I thought I’d be whole! But it just feels worse.”

“What’s he talking about?” Virgil asked, sliding a foot back defensively. “He’s not making any sense.”

The other Sides ignored him. Janus got on his knees and took Romulus outstretched hand before glancing back at the others. Worry shined in his yellow eyes. “We have to help him.”

“I don’t think we can-”

Logan was interrupted when the world cracked.

A massive fissure sliced through the terrain, unnatural rays of light flowing out of it. Smaller cracks appeared in the earth around it, these ones filled with unnatural wails and shrieks. Virgil could feel his spiderlegs begin to sprout from his back as his guard went up. Something was coming.

Tentacles shot out of the holes like trees in a forest and unholy creatures began crawling out of the fissures. The cracks and tentacles cut off Virgil’s line of sight and he lost view of the others. Logan and Remy, he knew, were together and he’d bet Janus and Romulus were close to each other. It was just Virgil who was isolated.

Not for long though. Virgil extended his extra climbs, lifting himself to the air, and waded through the forest of writhing tentacles in search of the other Sides. There weren’t any creatures going after him quite yet but he didn’t doubt they would soon.

“Someone get help!” Virgil yelled into the void as he kicked a tentacle that suddenly lunged for him. “Tell them the dreamspace is attacking!”

=================

“Someone get help! Tell them the dreamspace is attacking!”

Janus heard Virgil’s voice but he couldn’t see him. He couldn’t see much of anything. He wasn’t really sure where Romulus was anymore. He’d been right next to him but then the world began shaking and a wave of anguish barreled into him and he was knocked senseless.

Was this what Romulus was feeling? What Roman and Remus were feeling when they tried to merge? What was making the dreamscape so disordered? If so, Janus couldn’t blame them. It was an overwhelming feeling and he was just experiencing it secondhand. If this was what they were feeling, he was surprised the situation wasn’t worse.

The feeling began to fade, just a little bit. Chances were that the King was just moving away from him, not that he was getting his emotions under control. The world around him was still as entropic as before. Maybe even more so. He could hear the roars and bellows of manticore chimeras crawling out of the ground. The tentacles reached for the sky, growing thick and dense like a forest. Carnage had enveloped the dreamspace.

But Janus was a slippery snake and he knew how to avoid this kind of chaos, well experienced too. He weaved between the trunks of the tentacles and avoided the creatures surfacing from the terrain and made a break for the exit.

The exit to the Sides’ rooms and realms wasn’t a true exit. There was no door or portal to step through. Just a vague ring where Sides could sink out, rise up, or appear freely. The area was currently untouched by the King’s creations and Janus wasted no time throwing himself onto it and sinking out.

His momentum made the transportation awkward. He ended up appearing a couple feet off the living room floor at an odd angle and fell onto Patton’s lap, kicking something out of Toby’s hands in the process.

“Shit!”

“My pokemon!” Toby yelped, scrambling to catch his DS before it hit the ground.

“It’s a turn based rpg, you don’t need to- It’s fine if you drop it,” Seth sighed as Janus rolled off Patton and onto the floor. “You okay, man?”

“Everything is great,” Janus responded, feeling the lie slip out. “Roman and Remus totally haven’t merged and the dreamscape is very calm and peaceful right now. I definitely know if Logan, Remy, and Virgil are okay.”

“Oh that’s good,” Patton said pleasantly. Then he seemed to catch up. “Wait…”

“What the fuck?” OJ said, sitting up from where he was lying on the floor a few feet away from Janus. “That’s… What the fuck? Why?”

“I know,” Janus exclaimed. He got to his feet. “Don’t follow me. We should totally let them all die.”

“Oh no,” Patton whimpered as everyone got to their feet and followed Janus as he sprinted back towards Remy’s room. “I hope everyone’s okay.”

“I doubt they are but we should be able to help if we get there fast enough,” Emile assured him. He broke ahead of the group and opened Remy’s door, ushering everyone inside.

Last time, they hadn’t needed to visit Remy’s room to get to the dreamspace but thankfully Emile seemed to know his way around the sassy Side’s room. If the situation was any less dire, Janus would’ve taken the time to soak in the messy array of coffee cups, scarves, and hoodies. Thomas really needed to work on his self-care habits but they could worry about that later. Creativity was the concern right now.

“Walk through here,” Emile instructed, opening Remy’s closet. Janus didn’t hesitate and stepped in, standing back on the teleportation ring in the dreamspace in a heartbeat.

The other Sides seemed a bit put off by the unusual method of transport but quickly forgot about it when they saw the state the dreamspace was in. The forest of tentacles had expanded into something akin to a lush redwood forest, the tendrils stretching like the tails of cats until they licked the clouds, and the gaps in the terrain had only grown wider. And, now the creatures that lurked within were visible. 

Horrendous mash ups of animals were prowling around, some on the ground and some in the air. Their eyes flashed red and green as they yowled. Janus normally didn’t care for the fabrications of dreams but his heart went out for them. Their anguish was reflecting Romulus’s. They had to help him.

“Seth, Patton, don’t find Logan and Remy. Put them in danger. Make sure you stay in harm’s way,” Janus barked, his tongue still doing strange things in his mouth. Was he panicking? Maybe. He couldn’t remember the last time he had this little control over his lies. It was fine though, everyone knew how to decipher his speech when he was like this. “Toby, OJ, Nate, play with the creatures. Let them hurt you. Make them grow. I’m not going to look for Romulus and Emile shouldn’t come with me.”

Everyone seemed to understand his orders except Patton but Seth dragged the fatherly figment after him without resistance. OJ made some snappy remark but Janus was too distracted to hear what it was. Soon, it was only him and Emile.

“Do you know where he could be?” Emile asked, eyeing the horizon warily. The whole dreamscape was disordered. It’s dreamlike, fuzzy quality had somehow grown more intense and faded. Maybe that was what happened during nightmares? Shit, Janus hoped Thomas wasn’t sleeping right now.

“Yes,” Janus answered, looking around for any sign of the King. “I think- Don’t look. There’s Virgil. Down there.”

Emile looked down before realizing it was one of Janus’s twisted sentences. Virgil was using his spiderlegs to climb up one of the tentacles. That one looked dead, dried and unmoving. He was pretty far and pretty high up. Janus didn’t know if their voices could reach him at that altitude. But then Virgil seemed to spot something in the distance and took off, leaping between the tree-like structures.

“Follow him!” Emile exclaimed as he began hurrying after him. Janus could feel his serpentine characteristics grow more prominent as his adrenaline kicked in. Vision sharper and movements more agile, he quickly pulled ahead of the therapist and disappeared deeper into the bizarre jungle.

He only slowed down when Virgil began sliding down one of the tendrils and landed heavily in a clear patch in the frenzy of plants and animals. He froze, not advancing any further, which gave Janus a chance to catch up.

It was a relief not being surrounded by those thick, winding pillars and atrocious creatures but the clearing was unsettling in a different way. Within it stood Romulus. Janus felt a flash of joy upon the sight of him but it was quashed immediately by the dire sense in the air. They were in the eye of the storm and it was clear Romulus was its source. 

The King was sitting. He looked so much like Remus right now. Remus wasn’t good with feelings. He was normally very expressive but not always in a positive way. He always made the most destructive creations to let his feelings out. But when it was bad, he’d just curl up. He didn’t think Janus knew but there were so many times Remus would just sit in the shower or ina closet and cry. It was worrying but Remus always came out feeling better, ready to make a brand new slime pit or cut nipple holes on OJ’s shirts.

Janus could imagine Roman coping similarly but he’d never seen it himself. Roman always had more positive creations but they were more uniform than emotive. The things of stories and fantasy, creative in their own right but not the way Remus was. He’d bury his feelings with stories and wild adventures. Maybe he sat like this too, when he was alone and at his worst.

It’d been a long time since Janus had seen Romulus. They’d still been kids, still playful and innocent. Unseparated by the idea of Light, Dark, and Neutral. They’d been a family. Right now, sitting in the one tranquil spot in the middle of a sea of horror and havoc, Romulus looked like that kid again. And that hurt Janus somewhere deep down.

This was his friend but it also… wasn’t. This was some uneven fusion of Remus and Roman, not a true King Creativity. He was his own man but he’d still taken Roman and Remus and it was painful to be reunited with him knowing the brothers were sacrificed to let it happen.

And it was no solace knowing the King was so distressed. No, that made it worse. If Romulus was acting normal, then at least he knew Remus was doing okay. But with the world falling apart more and more by the second, Janus couldn’t help but be afraid. For Thomas’s safety, for Remus and Roman, for Romulus, for his fellow Sides, everything.

Romulus seemed to notice the newcomers and looked up. He seemed to relax a bit at the sight of them. He was still a mess but he looked a bit more like his old self. God, Janus really wished he had the chance to see his friend in all his former glory. Not this… shell of the man he was meant to be. Janus didn’t want Remus and Roman gone but Romulus deserved peace as well.

“Dee,” Romulus whispered and reached out. Janus went to his side in a heartbeat, despite Virgil’s glares, but stayed silent. He wanted to comfort him but he didn’t trust his mouth right now. His presence seemed to be enough though. Romulus smiled, a look of happiness filling his eyes, but his face was still tight and uncomfortable. “I don’t understand what’s happening to me. This has never happened before.”

“Logan said you fused wrong,” Virgil told him, coming over. He looked uncertain, like he was meeting a stranger. Maybe he was, maybe he wasn’t. Janus didn’t bother dwelling on it.

“I’ve never… that’s never happened before,” Romulus said quietly with a frown. He hiccuped. “Normally… Normally I just feel whole again. My two Sides come together and then I come back. I spend time with Remy and I use my powers then I split again. Which hurts. A lot. But, guys, this hurts even more than splitting. It- It feels like something’s wrong. I just want… I want to separate again. Please, help me.”

Janus had never seen Romulus so… sniveling. He always acted so regal and grand. Strong and confident. Something must really be wrong to make him like this. What had been going through Roman and Remus’s minds when they fused? Janus didn’t even know they could fuse but it sounded like something both of them would hate. What was so bad that they felt like they had to?

“How do you separate normally?” Virgil asked, shifting onto his knees so he was on eye level with the King.

“I don’t know! I think… Normally it wears off?”

“Wears off?”

“I never want to unfuse but I think Roman and Remus do? I split when we all start getting tired. I’ve tried splitting myself but we’ve been apart for so long. I still feel… It feels like I should be together longer but it just feels so bad. I want to unfuse but I can’t.”

Janus glanced at Virgil, sensing that this was more up Virgil’s alley than his. “You know who I am, right? I’m Anxiety. I know how it can feel to be overwhelmed and how hard it is to regain control when I’m like this. But it’s possible. Just breathe with me. Come on, let’s breathe in for four seconds. One… two… three… four… Good, now hold it for eight. One… two…”

Janus coiled up beside Romulus, leaning on him slightly, as he tapped along to Virgil’s counting on the back of Romulus’s hand. The touch could be grounding or overstimulating, Janus didn’t know, but Romulus didn’t protest so he figured it was helping. They ran through the exercise a couple times before Janus could feel some of the distress wash away from Romulus’s body. And soon, he began to split.

======================

Emile was a bit annoyed when Janus abandoned him but he couldn’t hold it against him. He’d be worried if something happened to Remy, though this situation was far more than just the disappearance of a partner. Emile knew he could never really relate to what Janus was feeling at the moment so he wasn’t that mad.

He ended up having to fight off a manticore chimera on his own. Difficult, considering Emile was far from a fighter. Unlike the Dark Sides, he had no unique animal abilities and unlike the Light Sides, he didn’t have the raw power to turn the tides of a battle in his favor. He ended up just running around in circles until his screams attracted another one and the second beast attacked the first. Not the best strategy, Emile knew, but it worked so he couldn’t complain.

He found Janus in a sheltered haven separated from the madness the rest of the dreamspace had fallen into. It was oddly quiet in there, save the low voices of the people within. Janus was there, along with Virgil and a man Emile could only assume to be the King. He’d never met him himself but Remy liked telling stories about him. This man fit his descriptions perfectly.

Well, almost perfectly. He looked kind of crumpled right now. Upset. Lost. Emile’s heart immediately went out for him. He wanted to help, to talk to him and figure out what was wrong so he could make the pain go away. Janus and Virgil seemed to have it handled though. They were guiding him through one of Virgil’s breathing exercises. Virgil and Janus’s extra limbs and scales had receded and the King looked much calmer as well. Already things were looking brighter.

Soon enough, the King had split and Roman and Remus lay in the stained grass.

Roman was coughing. Remus was lying on his back taking deep, heaving breaths. Their grip on the dreamspace slipped and things seemed to calm a bit but they both still looked wild, overwhelmed, and confused. Emile felt like this was a good time to make his presence known.

Both Janus and Virgil spared him a glance when he moved inward but they were focused on comforting their respective partners. Both twins were gasping for air, eyes and noses running. They were holding onto each other, like they weren’t quite ready to be apart yet, but also clung to their partners like lifelines. Neither had noticed Emile yet.

Emile got down as slowly and quietly as he could, coming into the brothers’ line of sight. He offered a weak smile and felt a flash of relief when he saw the recognition in their eyes. He was familiar with fusions, being a fan of Steven Universe and all, but this was real life. Roman and Remus had lost their memories after the first split, he had no reason to think now would be any different.

“Why did you feel like you had to split? Is there something wrong?” Virgil asked as quietly as he could after a few minutes. In his hold, Roman visibly stiffened. Remus looked away, not wanting to answer the question either. “It’s okay if you don’t want to talk right now but…”

“You scared us,” Janus jumped in. Remus wiggled a bit so more of his body was draped over him. “I know you didn’t mean to but I don’t know how we can help you if you don’t talk to us.”

Remus and Roman exchanged a glance. Emile could sense their hesitance. And a number of other emotions. He wasn’t as empathic as Patton but he was still Thomas’s inner therapist and was strongly connected to the mental wellbeing of everyone in the mindscape. He could probably understand what was happening better than anyone.

“You feel inadequate,” Emile spoke up, trying to voice their feelings to the best of his ability. “You felt like something was missing. You thought that feeling would go away if you fused.”

“We thought we’d be whole,” Roman admitted softly, “but we just felt more broken.”

“Logan said something about their feelings affecting the fusion?” Virgil brought up. “Could that be part of it?”

Emile shrugged. “Maybe that was why Romulus was so distressed but it probably didn’t affect the fusion. Roman and Remus are their own fully fledged, complete, rounded Sides now. They’re not meant to do that.”

“If we’re supposed to be complete, then why do we feel so broken?” Remus asked, sounding more hopeless than Emile thought the normally joyous Side was capable of. 

“You’re not broken,” Janus soothed. Remus’s face said he felt otherwise. “Why would you think that? Because of the split? That was so long ago.”

“Because we lack what the other has,” Roman spoke up. He stared at the ground, not wanting to meet anyone’s gaze. “I can- I feel so much love. But Remus doesn’t. Not like me. And he can do… stuff. I can’t. It makes me feel weird. Like it’s wrong.”

“That’s what this is about? Roman, it’s fine if you don’t want to-”

“But I told you, I do want to,” Roman interrupted his boyfriend. “I want to feel… those feelings but I just can’t. And trying makes me feel bad.”

Emile was confused for a moment but Remus was nodding along like he understood. “We feel incomplete. We thought maybe we’d get those feelings if we were one again but we just… didn’t. I don’t understand why. Maybe Logan was right about our feelings affecting the fusion. Maybe we needed to calm down first or something.”

Something clicked in Emile’s mind. “You’re aspec.”

The four Sides titled their heads to look at him. “What?”

Emile smiled. Everything was making sense. “You’re aspec. Aspec, it’s an umbrella term for people on the asexual and aromantic spectrum. You see, there are different kinds of attraction but sometimes people don’t experience one or two or any of them. And that’s okay. It’s natural in humans. It probably has nothing to do with the split. It sounds like Romulus is aroace himself.”

“...What?”

“Say again?”

“Sorry,” Emile said and tried to slow down. “So, you understand attraction, yes? It’s a feeling, a desire. What draws us to others. Sexual attraction is what gives us the desire to perform sexual actions with people and do more physical things with a partner. Romantic attraction is what gives us the desire to pursue a romantic relationship and do things typically associated with the emotional side of a relationship. Most people experience both but some people only experience one or neither. Someone who doesn’t experience sexual attraction is asexual, or ace, and someone who doesn’t experience romantic attraction is aromantic, or aro.

“Asexuality is a spectrum. A lot of different experiences fit into the term and some asexuals still like or want to have sex. The same goes for aromanticism. A lot of aspec people are in queer platonic relationships that aren’t romantic or sexual in nature but aren’t necessarily  not. Those relationships are still equal to romantic or sexual ones. There are many kinds of love but it’s also okay to be loveless. That doesn’t make us any less human- er, doesn’t make us any less of a Side.”

Emile was not expecting Remus to burst out crying when he finished.

He wasn’t sure if he’d ever seen Remus cry. What he’d been doing before was silent, more of a reaction to being overwhelmed than crying. But here he was, sniffling and sobbing his heart out. Janus made a noise of concern but Remus was smiling.

“Thank you,” Remus breathed. Emile had never heard more gratitude in anyone’s voice before. “I felt so wrong for so long. I owned it, obviously, but I still felt so bad all the time. And- and now you’re telling me that it’s okay? That it’s normal not to feel love? I mean, I care about you, Janus, but I don’t think it’s the same way you love me. Is that okay?”

Janus gave him a watery smile and nodded genuinely. “It is, Remus. I’ve told you so many times, you’re more than enough. I’m just happy you can understand that now.”

Roman smiled at his brother, looking happy for him, but there was still something hidden behind his features. “I don’t… I don’t feel that way. I still feel kind of broken. Are you sure this isn’t from the split?”

Emile nodded. “Like I said, you’re your own Side now. And asexuality and aromanticism occur naturally in humans. There isn’t a reason for it other than that’s just how they are. A lot of people on the asexual and aromantic spectrum still feel broken though. There’s a word they use to describe it. Amatonormativity is the expectation that happiness comes from the pursuit and maintaining a monogamous, heterosexual relationship that is both romantic and sexual in nature. Even if you disagree with it, we still feel that pressure and it can take time to accept who you are.”

“I- thank you, Emile. I’m truly grateful,” Roman said before glancing at Virgil. “I think… I think I need some time to figure this out. For me. It has nothing to do with you though. You know I still love you, right?”

Virgil nodded. “Yeah. I know. And there’s no hurry to figure yourself out, Princey. Remember how long it took us to accept we’re gay? We all did it at our own times. This isn’t any different.”

“We should probably find the others,” Emile said, getting to his feet. Roman and Remus jolted, started. They looked around as if they were seeing their surroundings for the first time. They might as well have, being as disoriented from the split as they were. But the others would be worried and they shouldn’t waste time.

“We did this?” Remus whispered before breaking into a grin and springing up to survey the cove cut out from the forest of tentacles and listen for the howls of manticore chimeras. “Nice!”

“What do we tell the others?” Roman said in a more serious tone, rising to his feet but still leaning heavily on Virgil. 

“Whatever you want,” Emile told him. He glanced between both Remus and Roman. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. Aspecs are as valid as any other member of the lgbt community. You don’t need to come out if you don’t want to or you’re not ready.”

“I want to,” Roman said, “but I’m not ready. Um, Janus, can you come up with some good excuse? That’s at least kind of believable?”

Janus smirked. “What kind of amateur do you take me for? Deceit’s the name and lying’s my game. Those suckers won’t know what hit them.”

Both Remus and Roman laughed, already sounding better. Emile exchanged a glance with Virgil, the other Side looking a lot less worried than he had a few minutes ago. Everything would be okay. Maybe not yet but soon hopefully. Roman and Remus weren’t broken and now they knew that. It may take awhile for them to accept it but until then, they’d have support from whoever they needed it from.

==================

Author’s Note: The portrayal of the aspec experience in this fic is not 100% spot on. There is a wide variety of experiences and very few are like this. If any of this speaks to you, I encourage you to do further research.

[spacegaywritings]

Hello, we are the Neighbours -  2 (final) “Starry Night”

 Summary: Virgil uses she/her and he/him. Remy uses he/him. Emile uses they/fae. Logan uses they/them Tags: a LOT of swearwords, edginess, Teenagers scare the living shit out of me, edibles, mentions of getting high, marijuana (implied), questionable living conditions, stress, insomnia/sleeplessness, crappy parents, (depression?) SOFT SIBLING MOMENT (analogical)

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Virgil hugged his stupid friend closer, his face buried in the mess of Remy’s pastel purple sweater.

 She was basically wearing nothing but a big army jacket and boxers, herself. The pinkish scars on her chest were fainting with time but still showing after all these months.

 Remy was at least in a skirt longer than usual - this one actually covered his ass completely. Instead of big boots, he had white summer slippers one. He almost looked like a ballerina with his long legs, small-ish statue and flawless skin.

 The sun slowly sunk down the horizon while the two cuddled.

 “You know, you are almost out of there, anyway. It does not matte. You got so far, Virgil. You will get through this too, with or without me.”

 She shook her head ever so slightly, her pumpkin hair curling over his shoulder. He had recently dyed it again.

Every now and then Virgil was forced into self-care. That meant Remy would drag him over to his place, give him a little bit of wellness time such as doing face masks and painting his nails. Of course, he would also give her a dye-job when necessary or just wanted. Remy was rather good at it after all. Without him, Virgil would not take such care of himself. It was all Remy’s doing.

 “Nu. I will strike. I am not gonna do shit without you. I don’ wanna.”

 She mumbled silently, gently hugging Remy closer. He carefully held the feral bastard close.

 “You have to. You can do it. If I don’t get in, I will find work where you live and we can move in together and I will clean for you, so you and Logan don’t die.”

 The smaller one curled up, his knees pressing against his chest as he put his weight against Remy in ever-persistent patience. A little snort escaped her after all.

When he was not an anxious mess, he got to be more than just the calming friend but also the braincell of the group. He was rational and got things together. No wonder he applied for studies in mechanics.

 “You would do that..?”

 Virgil pulled back a bit, yet still remained in her little ball of limbs. He was barely covered with his short pants in their plaid pattern. The big jacket was so drastically oversized, Virgil was sitting on it since its length clearly exceeded his height. It was supposed to be worn by someone else so it would not cover them down to their thighs.

 Remy gently brushed over his shoulder.

 “I would do whatever to be with your sorry ass. If you live on your own and gotta take care of another living being, you will probably just die, like, instantly. You are so fucking oblivious and sensitive after all.”

 He gently nudged her.

 “Be my wife.”

 Remy felt heat rise in his chest. He vehemently shook his head, his stomach fuzzy all of a sudden. Thousands of little feathers tickled him from inside and his cheeks reddened to match his heated blood.

If he did not know better, he would have said that he had done no more but choked on his spit.

 “Virgil!”

 The illegal little potion of bitter rage hugged him against the playful struggles and shoves from his side.

 “Shut up-”, he demanded squeakily, “I am not gonna be anyone’s fucking wife, I am a qUeEN.”

 His voice broke at the last word, delicately proving his point in being true royalty of great manners and high levels of taste.

Remy was a true piece of art and he was, as he often repeated, “a luxury few could afford.”

 A pair of headlights glanced onto their backs, lighting up the scene when the whole sky was turning dark. Their shadows were drawn out before them, making Remy shrink in on himself and look back to check who or what was approaching them.

The running car engine they could hear made it evident that this was a person rolling around in a vehicle.

 Who?

 Virgil pushed Remy down onto their blanket, carefully trapping him below her.

 “Hey, Em, come in and hurry, we can sacrifice him right now while he is still a virgin!”

 Remy threw his hands into Virgil’s face. Ungodly screeches escaped his throat as he pushed and grabbed and tore at the untouchable bastard of humankind.

 “You fucking wish! Stop projecting your assless life onto me!”

 Finally, Remy pushed his knees into Virgil’s guts and pushed the idiot off his shoulders. Emile had finally gotten out of the car, basket under their arm and a blanket pressed against heir chest.

 “Hey, save some dumbassery for me!”, fae complained as they plopped down between the two. Honestly, they felt like those kind of people everyone would comment on about how much they behaved like an old, married couple.

Not that they were wrong.

 “I am not duuuumb!”, Remy whined.

 He sat up again, shoulders quickly pressing against Emile’s who got comfortable. That bastard was really out there, fucking wearing a leather-like jacket with spikes and shit. He could see the colours on the dark material and could only assume faem to have customised the article.

They were the only one to have covered legs. Black ripped-jeans hugged their endlessly long walking sticks and their feet were covered in worn-out sneakers. Void of any big brand names or associations, of course.

 Probably all of this was either made by private businesses, friends, faerself or smaller companies barely anyone knew about.

 “Emile, put some sense into her! He is being a real bitch again”

 Virgil blew raspberries to the complainer and immediately threw his legs over Emile’s inviting lap.

 “If you got an issue with cuddles, you better go and sit on his side”, she challenged silently. Emile did not budge, much to his delight.

“Good bean.”

 The newby commented with a little chuckle, gently drawing Emile in by putting one arm around him.

 “I got ya two cuties some drinks on the way here. Who wants the coffee and who wants the cotton candy pink whatever capitalism-victim? You two definitely need something to suck on.”

 Virgil waved his arms around, stimmy hands flapping like birds’ wings. His long sleeves smacked themselves due to them exceeding his fingers. Her heart was fluttering in sudden excitement. He was aflame like a bunch of dry grass set on fire.

 “YES! Gimme gimmeee gimmeeeee!! I want the caffeine!”

She pointed at the basket and reached for it but Remy quickly smacked their sleeves away.

 “You are not getting any fucking caffeine, you half-dead junkie zombie, you”, Remy cursed. In a flare of problem-solving skills, he pulled the basket closer, just out of reach from the slightly shorter idiot. He grabbed the caffeine-packed cup of ice-cold sin.

 Fae blinked, unimpressed, “Just hand me the chocolate one. Pink unicorn is for our rainbow bunny, then.”

 Remy’s smile grew even wider.

 Did they say... bunny...?

 Virgil pouted in return, her reaction less than ideal. Instead of complaining, his legs pulled them closer by their lap and rested there, snuggled up against the pal with the colourful hair. Not even a beanie this time.

 “I am not a bunny”

 He slurped up some of the pinkish drink from hell.

It was tasty.

Such a bitch.

How dare it be tasty when he tried to be angry with Emile for giving him free stuff and falsely calling him a bunny when he was clearly a unicorn! Like the drink!

 Remy nodded sagely, sensing a bit of mood at this moment.

 “Virgil thinks he is a unicorn despite looking like a bunny but that is okay. We still love him.”

 His hand sneaked over to her, gently patting her shoulder and indirectly bringing himself closer to Emile in the process.

Not that anyone was complaining.

He was simply slurping his iced coffee in gratitude. It calmed down his hot face and fidgety fingers. Holding the cool cup gave his fingers something to do at least.

 For a moment, Emile’s forest eyes looked into his soul. Fae blinked and nodded before turning back to Virgil.

 “Virgil, do you feel like a unicorn? Do you identify as one?”

 Emile looked at her, carefully brushing over her legs as they attempted to keep eye contact. Virgil looked away, face fully averted.

Fae patiently squeezed his leg.

 “If you want me to call you unicorn, I will. I just liked the nickname bunny for you because you jump a lot and are very active.”

 Remy smiled. He did not notice but he leaned against Emile’s patient shoulder with his own head.

Fae minded the contact with a little blink and one of faer unoccupied hands moving to take Remy’s.

 The pouting smalls still looked away, stubbornly staring at the sky instead of facing the other two idiots.

 “You know, I really hate littering, too.”

 Virgil cleared her throat, gently hugging her flat stomach a bit. It was not exactly colder than before but maybe by now his open jacket and exposing outfit proved to be impractical for stargazing together.

 “If you call me bunny and nobody else, I am okay. And if you mean it as a nice name. Remy too. Even though Remy was a butt about it because I know I am a unicorn, even with ears!”

 His voice got a bit louder. Then she nodded in self-assurance to end the sentence and prove a point. He pulled a phone up with him on it, hood over his head, the bunny ears flailing around from the impact of being so harshly moved around.

The small friend snuggled up to Emile and reached out to hold Remy’s hand too.

 “You are dumb but you are both okay. You two can call me bunny but I will stab anyone else who tried to do that.”

 She huffed softly.

 Remy squeezed their hands together and put Virgil’s and Emile’s soft hands together.

 “You are our little bunny, then.”

 The tallest of the three hummed in thought, their eyes slipping close.

 “You guys wanna get high now or later? Because I am ready.”

 Virgil shook his head.

 “Can’t. I will die.”

 Remy nudged Emile so much, it pushed them all against Virgil and had her nearly topple over. She hissed at Remy and angrily glared at him.

 “You gotta take a chill pill. I will bring you home with me and the day after. We came in one car anyway.”

 Emile looked between them.

 “What is the issue? Do you have to go home later?”

 Their voice was so smooth and innocent, it felt like talking to a child for just a moment. They both knew there was more than enough wit between these words to take down a whole system.

 “I gotta take care of my baby sibling. They are tiny baby and need someone to look out for them.”

 Remy shook his head adamantly.

 “Logan is, like, 13 and would love to be home alone from your exhausted ass. If you wanna, I will babysit them with Emile. You mind that at all?”

 The addressed pal stole a quick glance from Remy for just a moment before looking into the dark night sky.

 “It is settled. Virgil, we are officially kidnapping your hot butt and putting you on high duty of being dummy idiotic and free of responsibilities for a few hours. We will take a look at your sibling, too. Promise.”

 Virgil let out a whine.

Her hand pushed the now empty cup into the abandoned basket Emile had brought along.

He laid down all over Remy’s and Emile’s long legs in the dramatic flair of imitating death or at least heavy defeat.

 “Mmm... will you give me ice cream?”

 Emile nodded, gently brushing through her hair.

 “I got ice cream at home but we can also buy some just for you if you don’t wanna depend on that.”

 The third in their group yipped out a happy sound of agreement.

 “We can ask Logan to sleep at a friend’s place or be there with us and wait until they sleep. They go to sleep super early anyway, that nerd.”

 The laying swan .. bunny.. uh... unicorn? Shrugged.

 “ ‘s kinda cute.. they care about school n all. They are so good. They are too good.”

 It sounded like a lament rather than a praise. There was so much pain in these words.

 “That sounds nice, bunny. Sounds like your sibling learned a lot of nice things from you. I am sure that must be a lot.”

 She took a deep breath.

 Remy gave a meaningful nod towards Emile who, in turn, licked faer lips.

 “I am proud of you but it is important to rest. Will you let us give you ice cream and take care of you?”

 For a moment, the only answer was the bright light coming from the moon. Pale white illuminated the meadow. The stars were shining as always but their light was so far away, it barely reached them. From them, it seemed as if they were not bright at all because the moon was reflecting the light so prettily, it overpowered them all.

 “Only if you get dumb with me and we do funny things?”

 Remy squeezed their hands together, his second joining the pile of fingers.

 “Of course. Now, text your baby sibling.”

 The smaller one pulled out his phone and sloppily pulled out a phone.

 “Jus do?”

 The three got together, packing up their things and obviously taking their things with them.

 “What is this?”

 Remy followed Emile’s finger pointing at a bag of trash. He shrugged in return.

 “We collected trash because Virgil really hates littering, you know?”

 The mentioned bean shook his head and shrugged.

 “Fuck pollution”, she defended herself as the taller one lead her to the car they shared, “see you in a bit?”

 Remy texted Logan with Virgil’s phone and sent an address to their chat with Emile.

 “Yo, I sent you the place we are going to drive to. You got that?”

 Fae shrugged.

 “I can literally just follow you guys like the little shadow I am. Just don’t drive like speeding dicks and I will be fine.”

 Remy nodded. Virgil mumbled in agreement and pushed the trashbag into the car’s trunk. It was his car after all. Remy did not have an own car yet. It was more of a shared thing.

 Together, they drove over to Virgil. On the way, Logan texted them how they would stay with a friend called Patton. Since Virgil knew Patton more than enough, she did not freak out but instead shrugged it off, told Remy and agreed under the condition of driving Logan there with the others.

Logan.. did not seem to mind.

Did they know Emile would join in?

 Whether they did, the three arrived.

Virgil already munched on the space brownies, happily nibbling at the dark chocolatey delight of deep, sweet-bitter taste.

It was an experience.

 At least there were no nuts in this.

Well... walnuts would probably be fine..

 The three got out, one by one. Virgil first and Emile last.

She patiently took faer and then his hand before leading them over to the small apartment complex with the many little doors. It was a humble little location, the flats looked like miniature versions of actual living spaces for human beings but it was just enough for the modest taste of the tired middle pal of the trio.

 He nudged the others towards the building and climbed the stairs.

 “The brownies are tasty, Em. You are a real baker genius or.. like, something like that.”

She blinked at the intense lights. One of the white lights was flickering every now and then and it was somewhat bothersome to the eye.

 “You ate them already?”

 A bit of surprise tinged Emile’s voice. Remy held back a laughter.

 “Yeah, Virgil is a thirsty and hungry hoe, no wonder he did that.”

 Something in his words screamed “get used to it”. Fae did not know what to feel about this but took it with the humour of a baby adult.

 “Not to take advantage of that but I don’t hate that.”

 Virgil giggled.

 “Shhhh, wait until Logan is gooohne,, They is a really clever baby sib thing, you know.”

 More chuckled filled the air and made the stairway echo in giggles and delight from the trio.

 They got up eventually, settling on the 7th level where Virgil unlocked apartment C and pushed the door open.

 “Yo, I am back! Don’t cook meth, the neighbours will get jealous.”

 He dropped the key in a little bowl on a shelf that leaned against the wall for support. The hallway welcomed the trio with faded colours and old, creaking wood planks as ground.

Emile blinked at the floor with a frown.

 “Do you want us to keep our shoes on?”

 Remy shook his head, his mouth opening to answer but a sound interrupted them.

A voice, more specifically.

 “Virgil, please refrain from making comments of such kind. It is highly unlikely for anyone around here to cook methane, let alone you or me.”

 A composed voice, stone-faced according to Emile’s feelings, replied to Virgil’s dismissive words and lazy greeting.

 The trash was still in Remy’s hands.

 “Fuck, I forgot this shit. You mind?”

 Logan appeared. Well, it had to be Logan unless Emile had missed about another person living with her - and Logan.

The sibling was younger than Virgil, their face more tan yet somewhat soft and void of the exhaustion the life of emerging adulthood had already put on Virgil’s dark eyes. Especially evident were how there were no bags under Logan’s eyes while Virgil seemed to have never slept in his entire life, perhaps.

 Maybe she did not sleep so everyone else could sleep? Like a sandman.

 Logan was dressed in something reminding Remy of a suit. It was this undershirt-kinda thing Emile identified as waist coat. It was dark and hugged their slender figure. Blue? It looked pretty much like rather dark blue. They seemed a bit taller than Virgil, around as tall as Remy, almost - not quite. Their shirt was white and looked so ironed out, Emile could not even find a single wrinkle.

They were not wearing shoes but only white socks and long black pants. The waistcoat had a single chain or metal leading to a little pocket.

 “Hello Remy, a pleasure to see you again. Do not worry about the bag. I will take it with me on the way down - “

 Virgil piped up.

 “WE! You are not going alone! It is dark and scary and I am your big shit and am telling you that you gotta hold my hand and be driven to your friend.”

 Logan rolled their eyes, dark orbs behind black frames seemingly shrinking in something like annoyance.

However, there was a fond smile on their lips despite it being small. It was still there and when Virgil approached the sibling for a good old hug, they received it and even returned it, even if it was not as passionate.

 Something warm pumped through Emile’s face and chest.

Seeing the two siblings cuddle made fae feel all giddy and comfortable.

 “Of course. I agreed to your conditions after all.”

 Only now Emile realised Logan was wearing a tie. They adjusted it despite it being in perfect position. Nothing was wrong with it..

It..

It had a pattern like constellations on it. Yes, clearly. Fae could see Leo right under their neck.

 “Hello, you must be Virgil’s new friend. I am Logan.”

 The, the small baby sibling was before faem, hand stretched out and dark eyes looking into faem as if it was a challenge to look serious and convincing.

It was more than effective, to be frank.

 “Yeah, I am Emile. Fae/faer, please. You use anything but they/them?” They nodded a bit, their facial features softening somewhat.

 “Thank you”

 The words came out like a whisper. Emile smiled.

 “Virgil, I am fucking adopting this kid, you have to marry me or some shit. This is now my bastard child!”

 A hysterical fit of giggles could be heard while Logan was silently rolling his eyes so hard, Remy swore they moved a bit out of his face’s centre.

Remy pouted audibly.

 “Ya get rights on my sibling, I don’t make the rules. Logan, you are loved by these dummies! It is the law, we are your personal protection squad!”

 Remy blew out some air but nodded.

 “Yeppers, we will do the illegal shit with you to keep you safe. We are gotta fake your a voting ID so you can change the world already.”

 The tallest of the pals sucked in a breath.

 “I know how to fake a voting ID! I made myself one, too! Hold on!”

 Logan turned towards the new person, this Emile guy. The sound of giggles was still around and surely coming closer.

 “Hey, hey, make sure to have it be a good fake. Can’t have the good kiddo fuck up a great lifeeee”, she argued, “They will be super fine because they are a great and lovely person. LOGAN I LOVE YOU!”

 They closed their eyes instead of rolling them. Their lips curled further into a more than evident smile and a small hint of pink tinted their pale cheeks.

 “I l-love you too, Virgil. Please calm down, it is quite alright. I am just me.”

 Virgil was back by now, a little box in his hands.

 “Shut up, be proud of yourself. You have amazing grades, super engagement in different projects and activities and you are a bright person with great competences. You are trying and working a lot to get this far and I am proud of you. You should be, too. I barely finished school with my shitty grades. It was mostly pity”

 Virgil blinked softly. Her hand gently brushed over their cheek and carefully patted its side. Emile and Remy moved out of the way to give the siblings some space. They obviously had a moment going on.

 “I don’t care what you make of yourself. I just want you to be happy and proud of what you do. We all know we were not born to be perfect and yet you are here and doing this.. this fucking badassery of ace-ing all ya exams and life shit and all.”

 She scooted closer.

 “I know Patton likes quiche I make, so I packed some for you two to share. I put money in, too. Get snacks and order something if you two need it, alright? I love you, kiddo. I really do.”

 He snuggled up to them and gave their pale cheeks a soft smooch. The elder sibling mumbled softly.

 “If you complain about the money, I will bite your nose. Just take it. Financial worries are mine, not yours.”

 Logan looked at Virgil, a shadow darkening their pale features. It was like a tree branch in the night, throwing a scary shadow into the room of a young and gullible child.

They abandoned the doubt and shook it off with a new sense of hardness in their eyes. It was sparkling determination.

 “Have fun with your friends, please. I want you to take care of yourself, too. You and I both know that a good social life helps your mental health which, in turn, positively affects your overall well-being.”

 Virgil blinked, happy beams radiating from her old orbs.

 “You are the best sibling I could have ever wished for, Lo.”

She cleared her throat, wiping over her wet eyes.

“Time to fucking get ya to you friend! Ree will drive you and I will have ice-cream like a real champ!”

 “REEEE, EEEEEM! Let us gOOOO!”

 The middle man came back in, Emile right on his ass.

 “You finished your drama? You won’t stab us if we come back in?”

 Virgil giggled under the scolding look from his sibling. She shrugged dismissively.

 “I am ready to go. I will wait in the car.”

 They got pushed the little container into their backpack and put it over their shoulders before grabbing the trash and retrieving the keys from his sibling.

 “Nuu, you are a baby and we gotta go with you. Reeeemileeey~ Come with me~”

 The two got ready and joined as requested.

 “DId you fuse our names?!”

 There was an unusual amount of excitement in Emile’s voice. Not that they were not usually excited and happy but this was on a whole new level. There was a sense of knowledge and expectation in faer tone of voice.

It was difficult for Virgil to put her finger on it, considering she started feeling a bit more of an effect from the edibles she had consumed. Remy noted the excitement with his own piece of interest.

 “I fuuuused your names and they fit together sooo well!”

 As Virgil giggled, Emile’s eyes seemed to double in size, more so the black pools in the middle of these wild orbs.

Remy blinked at this change, his own curiosity swinging into the direction of excitement as well.

 He wanted to know about the things that got Emile to bounce on faer feet like the most adorable danger stick in the whole history of humankind.

Something glowed in these mysterious eyes and Remy wanted to know more about it.

 Well, for know it was time to take responsibility and drive them all to Patton.

He still wanted to know about it, so he took a chance when they had arrived and the three remained in the car alone, Virgil cuddled up to Emile and holding hands with glowing cheeks and a free heart.

Logan waved goodbye one last time and disappeared into the warm home of a loving family. A whole family.

 “Em, what is so exciting about fusions? Do you like those kinda things?”

 For a moment, his mind wandered as he tapped his foot down onto the pedals and started driving again in first gear before shifting higher.

He did not have the opportunity to glance into the rear-view mirror and see their face light up like a burning candle. Certainly, if he knew about how much he had missed, he would have cursed his own care about safe driving.

 “I L-O-V-E fusions!”

 A giggled followed faer sudden spray of words. The excitement pitched their voice into a higher vocal range.

Unexpected but lovely in a way it made Remy’s heart throb with just as much energy as Emile offered him. He let himself giggle a bit while Virgil was nothing but a puddle of chuckles and snickers. The half-naked pal hugged Emile close, seemingly absorbing their enthusiasm.

 “Why do you like fusions so much, lovely?”

 Remy licked his lips, tasting the delicious energy in the air. He relished in just a quick glance into the rear-view mirror in which he saw Virgil and Emile bonking the sides of their heads together, the latter bouncing a bit in faer seat.

 His heart was blooming.

These two were the summer of his life.

 “Th.-they !! Do y-you know of-of S-Steve Un-Univ-verse?”

 Their hands were everywhere, Remy noticed. Virgil put himself on high-five duty whenever these hands moved places and suddenly appeared next to him or in front of his nose or behind Remy’s head.

To her, it was as if these hands appeared out of nowhere while Emile fawned his happy juices into every direction of this car.

 Remy readily took in everything he could with a smile on his lips and promises in his chest. Sadly, he still had to shake his head but he prompted them.

 “Enlighten us, would you?”

 Fae continued, hands still moving in a somewhat erratic manner.

 “S-So in - I .. I mean, y-you know”, they started, then stopped, then started again just to take a short pause.

Faer face fell into a statute-like aesthetic as fae deliberated what to say. The happy glows in their orbs were forever-persistent.

 “Mw, Em.. Emiiiiile”, Virgil cooed softly, patting their hair, “You are wonderful.. your.. y... sEt.. pf.. ph-... STEVEN is your FRIEND and really wonderpoof too.”

 She nodded, a sense of importance surrounding her. It gave her an expression of wisdom and some sort of... safe space. There was acceptance in his features.

Even when he mispronounced and misunderstood everything going on.

Virgil eagerly patted Emile’s poofy hair while nodding more, her happy curls jumping up and down the sides of her face like excited monkeys.

 “So-sO! Steven is-is a human a-and he is part of the-the cry-c..c-crystal gems who are basically alien stones with magic. Oh, and they have weird adventures t-t-together and ev-everything is soft and ni-nice!”

 Fae bounced in the back seat and Virgil enthusiastically moved along without even having a single clue of what was happening at the moment.

They clapped and she mimicked the movements with confused nods and delayed yaps.

 “Magic Stpehen.. ph..phatven...”

 Virgil looked at his hands, confusion spinning in their lost eyes. Maybe staring into her fingers could answer her the question of how it came that “Steven” was so difficult to pronounce.

They did not, if you wondered, too.

 Emile smiled, gently brushing through his hair.

The most gentle of all smiles adorned their face as they soothed Virgil ever so patiently. The flapping piece of oversized jacket and mad boxers eventually nestled in faer lap and hugged these legs calmly. Every now and then, Emile would receive a loving pat to their skin because Virgil forgot what they felt like. Or because she was curious about what skin did when being touched and moved and shoved or patted.

 They patiently stroked his hair further while Remy had a hard time keeping his gay together and himself focused.

Luckily, they arrived and got back up, Virgil insistently patting and hugging every door, pole and wall they did not pull him away from.

 She was a really excited person in this state.

 When they got into the apartment, Remy lead them to the couch, considering Virgil was a bit less in the position to know where anything or anyone was.

They snuggled up again, this time Virgil was in the middle and fidgeting with a magic cube.. rubrix.. thingy.. hihi, it felt funny!

 “Remy, loook!”

 She pushed the cube into his hands and hugged Emile close.

 “Magical cube”, Virgil explained, voice mimicking the tone of a captivating conspiracy video.

 “Very magical, cube”, fae agreed.

 Remy nodded.

 “Magical like these rad fucking shits you made. We are gonna see more than stars, we will see an entire galaxy!”

 His words were purring in amusement.

 Virgil lazily blinked at Remy, then slowly turned to Emile and just.. dropped their head to the side, completely overdoing the “tilting your head” business.

 “Sooo.. are we.. a fusion?”

 A clank could be heard and suddenly, Virgil whined and hugged the two close.

 “The magical cube disappeared! I...m-..magic!”

His voice dropped into the sounds of scary camp fire horror stories once more.

“...m a g i c.”

 The tallest of the three pushed another biscuit to Remy who gladly consumed the sweet, spacey treat.

 “You are magic, you two fusers”, Emile purred back in reply and gently snuggled back, carefully pecking Virgil. This time, a whine arouse from Remy’s throat.

Emile shook faer head, a wild grin decorating this precious face.

 Was that a little scar on their cheekbone? Oh, those cheekbones...

 Remy got so lost in Emile’s pretty face, he barely noticed it coming close, Emile’s eyes closing sensually, slowly...

Then, their lips brushed against one another. Lonely mouth and alluring goal meeting and pressing together, closing around one another like embracing lovers after a long period of distancing.

 “waHOOOO, G A Y!!”

 Virgil cheered for them, leaving the youngest of the three to pull away from Remy, skin like cherry blossoms in the heat of spring.

Fae simply let him, innocently commenting with nothing but a whipping of faer eyelashes towards the shy one.

 “Is that new for you, Virgil?”

 The playful breeze of something like a rivalry returned, nestling between the moody couple of different extremes. The trio’s shortest and longest member looked at each other, a special dynamic reigning between them and drawing them closer.

 “New that he gets the kisses first”, Virgil answered in unabashed honesty.

 Instead of hiding behind witty remarks and sarcastic or snarky comments, she off-handedly pronounced the issue and pulled Emile in, gently pulling at the leather collar of this damn self-improved jacket.

It was surprisingly soft, compared to last time, at least.

 Their lips were raspberries squeezing together ever so slightly, merely touching more than for a fleeting moment.

 Virgil was the one to pull away.

It was Emile’s turn to be flustered at this moment. Fae slowly backed up, settling into faer space on the couch and taking another one of the beaked treats. They nibbled on them, hiding their face while Virgil pushed her legs onto faer lap and rested her head on Remy’s happy thighs. His skirt was rolled up a little so he got to feel his hair.

 “You two taste so sweet...”

 Remy shrugged, face still ablaze without his knowledge. He suspected it, though.

 “Hey, Em. You going to college when the holidays are over?”

 The taller one took the moment to appreciate Remy’s timing and tasteful change of topics while Virgil delightfully brushed over his exposed stomach in mild interest.

 “I am just here for a summer job, I guess I told you guys”, fae mumbled softly as faer fingers moved to catch up to Virgil’s tracing fingerpads.

“After that I am going to Yban University further up the north. What about you guys?”

 Virgil was chuckling and squirming when Emile started stroking his exposed skin.

He was ticklish, Remy remembered fondly.

 “Virgil is gonna go up there too, but for working. So you can hang out with Logan if you want to!”

 Remy winked and Emile stuck out their tongue at him.

 “Don’t fuck the baby sibling.”

 The small anger dwarf flailed and gasped.

 “Nu, fuck me instead!”

 Emile fucking starting to cough up during a weird mix of laughing and choking on his own mind and his partners’ words.

 “Not na- now!”, fae gasped out, wiggling a bit but staying in place, more or less.

 “Man”, Remy started, softly offering his hand for Emile to hold while his other was still carding through Virgil’s hair, “I will go up and study. It is surreal.”

 He blinked.

 “Holy fuckening, we are going to the same spot! I will move in with Virgil, like, fucking literally. As soon as I get my acceptance email and letter.. I .. I am.. gonna.. I will fuck your landlord.”

 Emile was playing with their hair while stroking over these exposed legs.

 “You two.. wanna hang out if we all end up in the same spot? That would be cool.”

 Remy patted the spot close to him and gestured towards Emile, then back to the spot as he started to lay down. They got the message and followed suit.

Together, the three cuddled up, now laying and still high off their butts.

 “It is perfect”, Em yawned, gently kissing the back of Remy’s hand.

 Virgil nodded softly and pushed her nose against the other two pals’ noses.

 “If you guys are with me, I can do all. I will get all done. I can do it.”

 At least he tried saying that. His words came out as a jumble of weird sounds.

Laughter erupted and Virgil snuggled up, eyes closed and gently smooching the two before drifting off to sleep while the others whisper-screamed whatever thing seemed absolutely hilarious at the moment.

 If they would stay together, she knew they would all be fine. They would all make it.

 He was certain of it.

[shadowling-guistical]

Milestones

SUMMARY: After deciding to take a gap year, Virgil Sanders expected to enter his freshman year of college feeling anxious and out of place. But not if his childhood friends; Patton Hart, Roman Prince and Logan Croft have anything to say about it.

CHARACTERS: Virgil Sanders/Anxiety, Roman Sanders/Creativity, Logan Sanders/Logic, Patton Sanders/Morality, Thomas Sanders (mentioned/background), Remy Sanders (Mentioned/background) Dr. Emille Picani (Mentioned/Background).

PAIRINGS: Platonic LAMP but can be romantic if you squint and sorta tilt your head to the left.

CONTENT/TRIGGER WARNING: Mentions of therapy and medication. Discussions about university related stress

Read an extended version on AO3.

For @sanders-sides-fanzine‘s The Core of Us Fanzine! If you enjoyed this, consider downloading the zine (which is FREE!) and give the team and contributors some love!

It was, by all means, a normal summer day for one Virgil Sanders. He woke up, had breakfast, took his meds and logged on to chat with his close friends. That is, until his mother told him he had mail before she headed out to work. She had kissed him on the top of his head, as if she didn’t just send a jolt of electricity striking through his heart, oblivious as she handed him money to share with his siblings.

He excused himself from their voice chat and went down to retrieve it. As though psychic, each of his friends wished him luck in their own ways. They gushed and reassured him in their group chat while sending something totally separate in the Direct messages. Patton sent him a wholesome, motivating meme. Logan sent him a single question mark. Roman began blowing up his direct messages with fragments of excited texts. He in particular was excited for Virgil to finally join them in campus after taking a gap year for mental health reasons.

He passed by his baby brother watching his morning cartoons. His middle brother, Remy was probably still asleep. Virgil ruffled Thomas’ hair as he retreated back to his bedroom.

A whirl of emotions settled in his stomach after Virgil closed the door behind him. It began settling into a poisonous miasma of nervousness and dread, both very hot and very icy.

Virgil slid a nail edge under the flap- tearing it open. He took the contents out, scanned the words and-

…

“…Oh…”

.

.

 His status soon went from online to idle and finally, offline.

.

.

.

That night, Patton spent his evening fretting over the lack of a reply. Where was the usual emoji of a purple heart? Frustrated, he finally stopped pacing around his room long enough to go down to the kitchen. His freckled face screwed in determination while he took out his mixing bowls. Now, what was the recipe for chocolate brownies again?

Logan waited with bated breath for that single exclamation point. Over the next few hours, he forced himself to calm down. He reminded himself that Virgil probably needed logic and reason the most at this moment. He put away his phone and began looking up the procedure for an admission appeal. The date shouldn’t be too far away, right? Or perhaps another institution nearby?

Roman found himself wishing for a snarky reply about how much they will be seeing each other on campus.  He waited as time stretched out to midnight and beyond. Before he slept, he made a mental note to find his copy of Black Cauldron amongst his extensive collection of Disney Movies. A Disney movie night never failed to cheer his friend up!

.

.

.

Next mid afternoon, Virgil found himself nervously tapping his feet as he waited for someone to pick up the call he was making. He spent earlier that morning in his regular therapy sessions with his therapist. Virgil mainly talked about his current development of events. Doctor Picani had advised him to talk to his support system about his fears, and to be open to them. And that was what Virgil was attempting to do.

 "Hello?? Virgil?" 

 Virgil swallowed, throat suddenly dry.

 "Hey Pat… um…" 

 Patton, bless him, patiently waited for Virgil instead of bombarding him with questions. 

 "Take your time kiddo. Roman and Logan are with me, do you want this to be on speaker?" 

 "Yeah, Pat… That'll uh… That'll be swell." 

 Great. Might as well get this over with. There was a click and Virgil can hear rustling from the other line. 

 "Virgil," He heard Logan speak in his calm timbre, "Are you well?" 

 "Yeah I am actually… just ...well," A deep breath, "I got accepted Lo." 

 "Ah… Congratulations!" Logan sounded sincere, while there was a flurry of voices in the background. Probably Roman and Patton being excited.

 "Thanks Lo…" Virgil sat down on his bed heavily. 

 "You don't sound so happy about it, J Delightful. You didn’t even came back to talk to us yesterday,” 

 "I am Ro.. I am… But… God. I’m sorry for being a jerk. When I read the letter. I was…happy. But…" 

 "…You panicked?" 

 "... Yeah…" Virgil mumbled, beginning to rub his eyes, "And it's not even because I'm struggling. Dr P and I are doing great! My meds are fine. He's teaching me how to deal with everything… But I still feel…" 

 "Unprepared…?" 

 Patton's calming voice sort of broke something in him, and Virgil felt his throat close up and his eyes water. 

 “…Scared…"

 "Oh kiddo…" 

 "Virgil…You know that you don't have to go now. There's always the option of delaying or opting to start at the second intake," 

 "I know that Lo…But I really want to go NOW. But ugh…" Virgil let himself fall back onto his bed and sniffed, "I just got so overwhelmed. Thinking of the things I need to pack, classes, paperwork…Picking a major. Where do I even BEGIN?"

 "We understand. Look, me and Specs need to go soon. How do you feel about Patton coming over to keep you company? We’ll handle the other stuff later. Together." 

 "That's right Kiddo! I have some brownies here with your name on em!" 

 Virgil wiped his eyes with the edge of his hoodie sleeve, "That sounds… amazing, Pat. You'd do that?" 

 "In a Hart-beat," The pun made Virgil smile. "And if you want, I can help you find some on campus resources. The counselling department has some amazing counsellors," 

 Virgil took a deep breath, and exhaling slowly, "... Yeah.. I think I'd like that…Thanks Patton" 

 "Excellent. I shall look up other relevant information for a later date."

 "Right…" Virgil agreed, "Thanks L...Princey. I appreciate it a lot." 

 "Anything for our emo." 

 "See you soon Virgil!"

. 

. 

. 

The next few days passed by like a blur. It was all hands-on deck, with Patton, Logan and Roman helping him in all matters big and small. 

Patton came by, gave him a hug and fed him the brownies. Later, he sat with Virgil in front of his computer, guiding him on all the resources available on campus. After a while, Virgil found himself mulling very little as he sent an email to a counsellor on campus to set up an appointment. In fact, he daresay he started to look forward to it. Patton was there throughout the whole process, just generally providing the best help he could have ever asked for. Virgil asked him questions extensively, and Patton patiently answered each and every one.

His support and help prompted Virgil to later wear a small enamel badge he found while browsing a thrift store. It reminded Virgil that there are people looking out and supporting him at every turn in his life. 

With an appointment with a counsellor now booked, Virgil turned his attention to his classes. In this area, Logan came in- keen and determined. 

Armed with several sheets of printed out information, he came to Virgil's house the night after Patton left.

He explained Virgil's options, going through one suggestion at a time. He reassured him about choosing his major, telling him that he can remain undeclared as long as he needed to. But also to be mindful about what classes he decides to take. Highlighter in hand, they slowly but surely mapped out the classes Virgil could register in his first year. It was balanced in that it both provided enough time for him to settle in his new environment and for Virgil to still get the credit hours he needed.

It was because of Logan that Virgil started carrying with him a small nondescript journal. He wrote everything in it, from reminders to To Do lists. It helped him plan, and made him recall Logan's words that learning is always something that Virgil has control over. 

Roman literally came in full force. Barging in early one morning and boisterously announcing his arrival to help him pack. Surprisingly, he was very helpful. He took the time to help Virgil organise everything and all the while, they just… talked. They bantered and joked. Each day, Roman never failed to show up. He skillfully took Virgil's mind of the stress of moving away as the date crawled nearer. He talked about the plays that will be put on that semester, promising to introduce Virgil to the cast and crew. Remembering their high school days, Virgil promised to consider trying out as the crew and Roman smiled encouragingly, saying nothing more. 

And if Virgil started wearing a little red in any instance where he needed a boost of confidence, Roman didn't need to know that too.

.

.

. 

Virgil admitted he took a little while to get to certain milestones compared to his peers. But as Roman's car began to move away from their neighbourhood, Logan's GPS pre-set to Florida University and Patton's brownies started being passed around, he realized that taking his time was well worth it. 

[fan-dumb-trash]

REMILE PART TWOOOOOOOOO

Part One! Part Three! Part Four

*confetti canon* YASSSS FINALLYYYY I HAVE FINISHED THIS!

Sorry for the wait! And also sorry if this isn’t as good as the first one... but I needed to establish some things in order to make Remiles relationship make sense ya know? I’m planning on making at least one, maybe more of these so buckle up sis! Thank you guys for your reblogs and comments and stuff it’s really sweet XD I’m glad to provide some decent Remile content.

Now without further ado, lets get the gay going!

Warnings: Unhealthy Household mention, Kissing, Crying. Violence mention- or lack theorf. Some self deprecation in Remys part. If I missed anything let me know!

Kay so we left off with the boys at the start of their sophomore year oh yeah boi.

I forgot to tell you everyone's ages so HERE WE GO

Patton and Roman are juniors now and Virgil Logan Emile and Remy are the same age. Sloane and Corbin are seniors and Kai and Elliot are freshmen.

Remy has accumulated a girlfriend named Clarimonde whos a badass and we love her she's really cool actually. Her and Roman have spanish together and they are both fluent so they chat to their teachers delight

Once her and Patton saw Elliot getting bullied and she scared the living heck out of those neanderthals without punching and Patton was impressed

Everyone likes her- so Emilie tells himself he has no reason to dislike her because he doesn't have feelings for Remy anymore. No sir.

Now it isn't difficult for Remy and Emile to pass each other in the halls. When Clarimonde chats with Roman, Emile can make small talk Remy without dying inside, but he's slightly more quiet.

Remy still doesn't understand the pang he gets in his chest whenever someone mentions cartoons.

Clarimonde starts to pay attention the Emile because “hey he seems like a sweetheart! how did you meet him Rem?”

Remy tells her that they were close in middle school and left it at that. She stayed suspicious but dropped it after two days.

As I mentioned before, Emilie is a total mom friend even to the seniors and juniors. He notices Logan perk up whent Patton makes a dad joke or laughs. He notices Patton stare a bit too much at Logan's subtle freckles or his electric blue eyes as he rants about biology and chemistry.

He notices Roman and Virgil warm up to each other finally (they didn’t get along much. Romans a bit of an airhead and said some not nice things to Virgil in middle school)

They find out they actually have common interests! They talk about music and writing amd smile because someone finally understands!!! Wow!!!

Emilie promises himself he's going to try to help his friends be happy together. because he feels a bit better when he sees his friends happy in love. And in good mental health (which leads into his counseling career!!! Wohooo!!!)

AND NOW- INTRODUCINGGGGG *drum roll* MR THOMAS SANDERS *confetti cannon* and his assistants Joan and Talyn who are lit college students trying to get degrees in the arts. they need to community service so (plus they love Thomas and the kids like aww their babies)

Thomas is the theater teacher/director of the arts department. Roman took all the theater classes available because he’s an extra boi. so he hung out in Mr Sanders class and soon it became the hangout spot for the gang!

Emile saw Roman and Patton in the school play last year. Most of the cast were seniors and now all the thespians are gone and nobody wants to do the shows and take the classes (minus the loot of kids who need their arts requirement to graduate) and it's a PROBLEM

Remy takes Mr Sanders drama class for the arts requirement in order to graduate! But he has a D… Honestly he thought the class would be easier than ceramics because he could just doze off as Thomas rambled about shakespeare but NOPE they have to do pair scenes and monologues and Remy IS NOT HAVING IT LET ME TELL YAH

He thinks acting is stupid (ironic because his personality at school is mostly to mask his pain so TEA) and that there's no point in trying.

this attitude carries over to a lot of his other classes because it's not like his family can afford sending him off to college anyways and it's not like he's smart or worth teaching anyways right?

And Thomas notices Remy walk home alone and take off his shades and stare at the sky a bit longer than usual. Thomas sees Remy's smile fade as people talk about their parents and siblings and he sees Remy's grades slip.

Thomas pulls Remy says something like “Sup Mr Sanders. Did somebody fail their test because they spent the class period staring at me instead of their answer sheet?” And Thomas would usually laugh at this but he's stern

“I'm going to give it to you straight. You're failing almost all your classes and i've talked to your teachers and they know you have potential but you don't try. I don't understand why, but i'm sure you have your reasons but i just wanted to tell you… You're enough, Remy. Just being you. Just because you dont think youll be perfect or good enough doesn't mean you have to turn you back on the world. There's people who will care if you let them in and-”

Remy begins to cry because nobody has told him that in a year and a half. And Thomas gives him tissues and pats him on the shoulder.

Remy agrees to participate in the after school show for extra credit to raise his grade. The credits will carry over to the monologue and pair scene he did poorly on and count for the history of plays unit test which he bombed.

Remy is grateful, but asks how all those assignments fit in on play if he's just gonna do tec??? Or say a shakespearean monologue and be done.

Thomas smiles and says “Well Remy, we are doing Rent- a musical. And Joan and Talyn handle the tec stuff just fine.”

AND BOOM THEY'RE DOING RENT NOW I LOVE THIS SO MUCH ACKKKKKKKKK SO THEY AUDITION! THE GANG AND REMY AND CLARIMONDE AND TOBY AND ITS WONDERFUL

Patton convinces Logan to do the show (puppy dog eyes owo) and it's all set. Clarimonde joins because why not. Emilie was hesitant at first- but Dot and Larry told him it would be a good way to break out of his shell because Emilie is a bit awkward around people he doesn’t know well…

Auditions go good! Virgil, Roman, Elliot, and Emilie are the best singers while Clarimonde,Remy, Logan, and Patton are dorky/sassy/and confident actors.

Thomas had them all sing Seasons Of Love and then he just puts them in scenes with each other as characters he wanted to see them as! After the first round he moved people around accordingly. It’s an unorthodox way of doing things but it’s such a smol group it wasn’t a hassle to do.

Remy and Emile weren’t really considered for any of the leads because Thomas wasn’t sure of their acting ability… so just to give them something to do, he had them do dialogue when Angel and Collins first meet! Remy is Angel and Emile is Collins cause why not!

For those of you who don’t know much about Rent, basically what happens in that scene is that Collins gets mugged and beat up and he’s bleeding in an alleyway and then Angel finds him and they talk a bit.

Of course it was awkward at first because why wouldn’t it be… but Remy said “You know Em, this is just a giant case of Deja Vu… remember when I found you in the field after you gots scraped up from climbing up that tree? Your glasses were broken and everythin’. And you wanted to act all tough but you were crying and I didn’t know what to do-“ and Emile laughed because yes, he remembers. They got ice cream after and it was one of the best days of his childhood.

And it gets better from there. And it’s like they get to meet again for the first time- but Emile is the broken one and Remy is lending a hand. They have really good chemistry and the scene is actually really genuine!

They do the scene for Thomas and he’s intrigued! He writes notes with a small smile on his face.

But the spell is broken after that for a while...

but when the cast list is posted there's some issues cause uhm

Mimi is Roman- Rodger is Virgil

Mark is Patton, and Benny is Logan

Joanne is Elliot and Maureen is Clarimonde!

BUT THE TEA IS THE CASTING CHOICE OF EMILIE PLAYING COLLINS AND REMY PLAYING ANGEL!!! Romans a little salty because he wanted to be a cool drag queen who played drums but he got over it.

BUT SWEET REMY DIDN'T GOOGLE THE SYNOPSIS BEFORE HE AUDITIONED! BUT WHEN HE DID HE THE NIGHT AFTER, HE REALIZED HE DIGS ANGEL LIKE HELL YEAH HE’LL DO THAT SHIT IN A HEARTBEAT BUT EMILIE IS HIS BOYFRIEND?????

Same issue for Roman and Virgil because I have to be in love with my crush/ex enemy? Oh nooooooooooo.

The whole situation is wild and I love it.

But yeah that’s how the fake dating and stage kids element come into play if you were here from the VERY VERY beginning when I was bored out of my mind and made some weird prompts for people to choose.

BUT YEAH ROMAN AND EMILE ARE FREAKING OUT BECAUSE.OLD FEELINGS ARE RESURFACING AND THEY ARE TEMPTED TO MARCH UP TO THOMAS AND DEMAND HE EXPLAIN WHY HE DID THIS BUT THEY DON'T AND POOR PATTON HAS TO CALM TWO ANXIOUS BOYS AND VIRGIL IS HAPPY BECAUSE HE WANTED RODGER BUT LIKE NOW SHITS GETTING GAY AND HE DOESN'T KNOW IF HIS CRUSH ON ROMAN IS GONNA START GETTING OBVIOUS OR NOT AND LOGAN DOESN'T KNOW WHAT TO DOOOOO

Patton and Logan start to talk even more to help their bffs Roman and Virgil get their shit together and then Patton and Logan start to get close in the process and it's amazing.

But rehearsal happens and Emile and Remy are really awkward at first. And Emilie wants to slap Remy because weren’t they They don't talk about the abrupt and unexplained ending of their friendship and Emile doesn't explain how Remy broke his heart. But the eyes are the window to the soul and they both know there's words that need to be said that aren't being said…

But communication? In my christian household? Neverrrrrrrrrr

So it continues. And life goes on.

Virgil and Roman start dating because when Virgil was over at Romans house “rehearsing lines”, Roman got a bit too close when he sang “oh won't you light my candle~” and whoops know they're making out

Oh well life happens i guess

But back to Remile. It's about 2 weeks into rehearsal and they're starting blocking of Act 1 and it's going as one expects. Smooth and Rocky and back and forth and SLOW.

Most people are fitting into their roles pretty normally except for two people- you can guess who.

For the life of them, Remy and Emile can't get it together. Remy can dance and sing like nobody's business and he's been practicing in heels and it literally is giving Emilie a heart attack cause HOT DAMN IM GAY AS FUCK BUT I GOTTA KEEP IT TOGETHER REEEEE

But the second Remy makes eye contact with Emile he drops character. Emile is chill and fun like Collins. His scenes with Patton and Virgil? Gold. The second Angel comes on stage he gets more tense.

And Thomas doesnt say anything because its not the end of the first month but he notes it.

Emile is obviously upset. It’s kinda draining him being dragged around emotionally by Remy and Patton Roman and Dot and Larry are starting to get worried… it’s like the mental state he had in the summer is coming back and he’s closing himself off.

Clarimonde notices these things too because she’s not stupid… she asks Roman about it during Spanish. He says it isn’t his place because he knows Emilie's Side of the story- but not Remy's. and he doesn’t want to say anything he isn’t supposed to.

His answer gives Clarimonde all the clarification she needs because obviously Roman knows something big and it has to be that Emilie had feelings for Remy at some point and Remy cut their friendship and broke his heart.

But she doesn’t know what to do so she keeps her relationship with Remy because it’s not like he likes Emilie back. Right?

But deep down she knows he’s just scared of commitment because he never wants to go to her house and meet her parents. She barely knows anything about Remy's family or hopes and dreams. But what can she do but wait for him to open up? But he never does. And it nags at her.

I realize that I haven’t really talked to much about Remy… So here we go.

It’s complicated. Remy got scared. Of trusting one person so much that it could hurt him. Divorces can jack kids up especially if they go down ugly like it did for Remy's parents. He didn’t really believe in love. He didn’t believe in trust that didn’t come without a price.

But he forgot those worries when he was with Emile years before. He felt loved and cared for and he felt he could be himself.

But over the summer when Emile and Remy stopped hanging out… it’s because things got worse. Remy's mom started to blame the divorce on him. She said her father left because she couldn’t handle Remy and his lil brother Ethan who screamed and cried all the time. She started to go out for long points of time and come home with bloodshot eyes. She would scream at tell Remy that love never lasted and he needed to grow up and stop crying cause his dad never called.

And Remy was beside himself.Because seeing Emile just reminded him of all the stuff he couldn’t have. The carefree normal life he would never have.

So Remy threw up his walls and stopped talking to Emile. He shoved down his guilt and left him alone because Remy felt he didn’t need Emile or his warm light.

Remy wanted to grow up so he wouldn’t feel this pain and yearning for a childhood he’d never receive.

And that’s why he and Emile stopped being friends. That’s why Remy is fake.

Remy can’t pinpoint when it happened… but

as Angel he can be confident but it doesn’t feel like an act. He can dance around with a purpose. And when he sings his duet with Emile for the first time, and they hold hands, he feels a bit like the kid he was in elementary school again.

And he becomes thankful Thomas gave him the chance to do this show because it’s showing off. He’s coming out of his shell. And Emilie notices it and smiles more.

Because Emile feels happy when Remy can talk to him and not look like his walking on crackling ice.

Emile had time to mature and heal while Remy was out of his life but now he feels secure because he doesn’t have to be attached to his romantic feelings and they can just be friends. They do their scenes and it’s great. Remy can hold his hand on stage and dance and Emilie is accomplished because Remy looks so… free. Not holding anything back. Not being fake. He’s being his authentic self through Angel and he finds that beautiful.

Thomas smiles when the duo are onstage and realizes he made the right casting choice.

But one day Remy and Clarimonde walked out hand and hand after practice as Emilie waited for his parents to pick him up. Remy was smiling but then Remy was kissing her and there were hands and hair and Emile felt like he was on fire and ran. Because he can't handle this.

Remy has to pretend to be in love with him and it's going to destroy Emilie because ITS NOT REAL.

Clarimonde opens her eye for a split second and damn. She knows. She sees Emile run.

A part of her feels sad, because she has feelings for Remy, but she feels like she’s in the way of Emile and Remy. So she lets go. She breaks up with him because shes “not feeling the relationship anymore”, but she still wants to be friends. And yeah, Clarimonde hurts- but she smiles through it and knows its for the best. Even if it ain’t fair.

And Emile is calling Patton crying, curled up in a ball, wanting to rip his heart out. He can’t take it anymore and says so over and over. It’s Friday so Dot and Larry drive him over to Patton’s. Roman comes over and brings ice cream and they watch Adventure Time but then Marceline shows up and Emile starts crying because REMY BAGAHAHAHAS sO they switch to avatar.

And they all cuddle and are buried under tons of blankets and it’s great.

Roman offers to punch Remy and Patton whacks him upside the head. It’s funny.

And Emile still feels like crap but at least he knows he has good friends. He isn’t alone this time.

Taglist:

@mmd-ask-italy

@thestrangedino

@dreams-palette

@unring-this-bell

@nerdqueenkat

@iloveeverytjing123

@superwholocked-for-life

@ab-artist

@spaceless-void

@sevencrashing

@i-have-n0-idea-what-im-d0ing

@absolutesandersidestrash

@geronimo-scamander-spd

@romansleftshoulderpad

@prplzorua

@patchworkofstars

If you don’t want to be added- please let me know! If you DO want to be added- go ahead and leave a comment because that’s easiest for me!

[whumping-newbie]

Forcibly Stripped for the BTHB? :) - @justplainwhump

@badthingshappenbingo

Ok I am a little bit upset because juuuust as I was about to post this, I reloaded the page and lost the whole thing :))))) thankfully I had copied most of it to a word document, so there wasn’t much that needed rewriting BUT anyway :)

Thanks for the prompt @justplainwhump​!! I am sorry about the fact that it has taken me a lot longer than I planned to write this. It’s also, um, long.

Enjoy!!

POV: Michał

Warnings: beating, forcibly stripped, threats.

I woke up with a throbbing pain in the back of my head, where the armed man had struck me.

My vision danced as I came to, and I wanted to feel the back of my head, just to feel whether or not I was bleeding. I couldn’t raise my arms, for some reason. I tried again, tried to get my arms to move. I could move them, but they were tied behind my back. I was laid on my side across the dusty stone floor, and my legs were left untied for whatever reason. I groaned, straining my eyes to focus, to see where I am.

The room was dank and musty, it was dark in here. The only light was coming from a small set of candles just in front of me, and that wasn’t much light to begin with. There was the mildest, oh so faint hint of smoke that eminated from the naked flames there. The room was also devoid of anything besides me, the door and the candles.

I allowed myself a few minutes before I called out for someone. I wanted to be fully focussed - I needed to focus. Being only halfway here is just an instant recipe for disaster under interrogation. I hadn’t learned that the hard way, but I knew people who had.

As the throbbing in my head subsided, I was able to pay more attention when footsteps approached from outside the door in front of me. I forced myself to sit up on my knees, keeping my back straight, waiting for whoever it was to come through the door.

The metal door dragged open with a long, suffering creeeak, and sudden change in air extinguished one of the candles. The breeze was a welcome one, the stagnant air in here was suffocating.

I watched carefully as three people entered through the door, their eyes fixated on me too. One of them briefly broke that eye contact as they turned to the door and closed it behind them, slamming it to. The echo of metal on metal rang through the room, and I could hear it faintly eminate outside the room and into that corridor outside.

The first figure was a young woman. She had her arms crossed and bandages over her knuckles and hands. She was caked in dirt, her long brown locks looked greasy and clumpy, and her dull brown shirt was dotted with stains. I had the inkling that it was blood, and whether the blood was hers or someone else’s was impossible to tell. She glared at me, a warning. She didn’t seem friendly.

The second figure was a tall young man, who looked quite like me in stature. He looked strong, his clothes were ripped and torn, and there were healing wounds beneath those holes. Gunshot wounds, perhaps? They certainly weren’t knife wounds - I had seen enough of those to be able to tell the difference. His black curls were messy and unkempt, and there were dark circles under his eyes. He looked like he hadn’t slept in days.

The third figure was shorter than the young man, but looked just as strong. He had a worn, weathered face, his expression telling tales that said only that he had seen far too much for one person’s lifetime. He was the only one I could see that was visibly armed. He had a gun, holstered onto his side. I noticed it, and understood that he was probably erring on the side of caution by coming into a room with an unfamiliar man.

No one in here seemed to want to break the silence, no one wanted to speak first. Instead, they all stared down at their prisoner, at me, uncertain on how to approach dealing with me at all.

The woman spoke first.

“Who are you?” she asked bluntly. I was surprised at that being her choice, out of everything she could have asked me, but I indulged her anyway, “how did you find us?”

“I am Michał Jełen,” I stated, looking at her.

She slapped me across the cheek. She slapped me so quickly that it caught me totally off guard, and my head slung to the right. There was a tingling stinging sensation in my cheek. I slowly turned back to face her.

“Don’t fucking lie to us, we know who you are,” she scoffed, glaring at me ferociously, staring me down from where she towered above me. I frowned at her in response.

“I am Michał Jełen,” I repeated, “it’s not a -”

I was interrupted by a strong, swift kick to the stomach. I leaned forward, coughing. I breathed deeply in, out, in, out, trying to steady it. Trying to stay calm. But damn if that kick wasn’t strong.

“That,” I emphasised between my deep breaths, forcing myself to look back up at her, “is not a lie.”

She folded her arms again, disbelief etched all over her expression as she continued to speak, “okay then Michał Jełen,” she continued to sneer at me, “how did you find us?”

If you return sucessful, I’m sure I can arrange a… suitable reward for you.

I closed my eyes for a moment, trying to force Emil’s words out of my mind. I felt pure disgust at how his presence in my own thoughts polluted me, his poisonous ideas echoing within me. I wasn’t doing this for a damn reward, I wasn’t doing this for a chance to take advantage of the weak and the helpless. I hated how his evil thoughts permeated through my own intentions, I hated him. All I could think about was the damage he had done to people, the abuse he puts them through... I hate it!

I hitched my breaths, trying to steady my breathing before speaking again, “your, your man told me to come here... he’s a prisoner at the castle, but you knew that,” I watched the three of them for a reaction, for any sort of tell, that they knew what I was talking about. That I was telling the truth. They all shared a look, a passing glance, a knowing glance, “Aleksander... Ignacek?”

The younger man spoke next, keeping his voice level and calm, devoid of the emotion that enriched the woman’s voice, “how did you learn that name?”

"Are you his torturer?” the woman scowled at me, not giving me the chance to even respond to the man. Something did catch my attention for a moment, and that was the way she trailed off ever so slightly at the word ‘torturer’. I don’t think it was intentional, but it sounded like she had slipped. She had showed a weakness that I don’t think the intended to. The emotion that she had disguised by her anger had shone in that moment, and I suspected she knew that prisoner. She cared about him.

And that makes her another terrorist, just by association.

I caught my breath, trying to think quickly and carefully about my answer. I couldn’t be decietful, not now, not when I need them to trust in me. But then again, if I told them the truth, the chances of my survival decreases exponentially. The chances of leaving without harm diminishes further than that.

“N-no, I’m not -urgh!”

I didn’t get to finish that sentence either, because she had kicked me so hard that I didn’t have time to register just how fast she had done it. I was still processing my breathing in response to her attack when she grabbed me by the hair, forcing me to look at her again.

“Bullshit!” She screeched in my ear, tugging on my hair so that I faced her. The men still said, and did, nothing to stop her, “he wouldn’t give up that name so easily. What the fuck did you do to him?!”

She threw me down to the ground by my hair so hard that I landed on my side again. My still bound hands couldn’t help me break my fall, so I just lay there, groaning through the bruising pain and telling myself to stay calm.

“I...” I groaned, turning myself to face her again, gritting my teeth as I forced my body to turn to her, to look her in the eyes as I spoke again, “I d-didn’t hurt him!”

Her face was contorted with fury, and I didn’t resist her as he dragged me back up onto my knees by my hair. I hissed in pain, but didn’t fight her. I watched her as he drew a knife from under her shirt, a sheath I did not even notice before. She flashed the gleaming blade in front of my vision, and I closed my eyes, trying to prepare for the stab wound she was going to inflict me with, I took a deep breath out, bracing myself.

I felt the blade against my chest, the threat was very real, but instead of it piercing my skin, it severed through my shirt with an oddly satisfying riiip. I didn’t move, I daren’t move against her. I remained as still as I could as she ravaged at my clothes, tugging them off. I didn’t resist. I didn’t fight back. Neither of those men did, either.

The already freezing cold room seemed more so now that I was shirtless, and not by my own choice. I could live with this, probably not for long, but she’s reacting to her own emotions here. Nothing I can say or do will satiate it until she calms down, the best thing I can do is ride it out until she does.

She pushed me backwards, and she fought at my trousers. I didn’t try to stop her here, either. She ripped them open and yanked them from me, tearing them into tatters with the knife as she did. I shivered, remaining laid there on my back, waiting for her next move. Exposed and vulnerable, all I could do was fight to remain calm. I felt my cheeks burn despite the bitter cold of the room, it is humiliating to be forcibly exposed.

But worse things have happened. Happened to other people, not to me.

All for her, all for Matylda, all for her friends, that’s what all this is for.

A... Suitable reward for you.

No, not for a reward.

“I don’t believe you. What did you do to him?” she knelt down beside me and put that knife up to my cheek, and I didn’t even try and move away from it, I couldn’t go far even if I wanted to. I felt the blade sink into my cheek, ever so slightly. I don’t think it broke through my skin, but it may just do if I squirm.

I gritted my teeth, watching her crazed eyes, not the knife, “I am just a guard!” I tried to explain, “you have to believe me, because I can help get him out!”

Her expression changed in an instant. She seemed at odds with herself, and I knew I had struck a nerve with my words.

“Look, I have nothing to hide. See?” I spoke slowly, calmly, trying to get her to stay with my every word, “I did nothing to hurt him, I promise you that. I want to help him get out, but I need something from you first.”

This time, she stepped back. She remained armed with the knife, but she looked over at her colleagues. She folded her arms again, that defensive stance, and she actually seemed to listen to me.

“Is he alright?” the younger man asked, stepping forwards.

“Un... unfortunately, he’s in a bad way. The only times I’ve touched him is to take him to his cell, and he’s getting worse. The... the guy that tortures him... he’s my superior. I can’t directly disobey him without suffering alongside your friend,” I tried to explain, manouvering myself back to a sitting position. I didn’t even care about being exposed - let them see my bruises, my wounds.

“Why should we trust you?” the woman retorted, “a guard that works for the General willingly is highly suspicious. Why should we help you? Why should we let you walk out of here?”

“I was sent here, officially, to find you and report you. But I have people in that castle that I need to get out of there, and I can’t do that if I report you.”

“What do you mean? Officially?” the younger man asked.

“My superior is a man called Emil Górskanki,” I watched their eyes flare open at my reveal of the name. The familial name of the Royal Family, and they knew it well, “he is the one doing the torturing. He is looking for the Princess, he thinks your group is harbouring her.”

The woman scoffed, “well, we aren’t, neither hide nor hair has been seen of the Princess since... well, before all of this.”

“I know. I helped her escape the castle. I remained behind to make sure they didn’t catch her, that was my duty, and I am still loyal to her. Not to the General,” I felt my voice lower as I stressed this. I always knew how much I hated associating with the General, but I truly hated it when someone else said it. There was something permanent about such a label, like a scar that will never truly go away. It feels like I have a huge target on my back, for merely associating with the General and his allies, “your friend divulged this place and that name to Emil, and I was ordered to investigate whether it is true or not. If it’s not true, he gets tortured again. If it is true, you all get tortured. I don’t enjoy my job in the slightest. But I can only get him out if I have your help.”

“What do you want from us?” the gruff man said. Now that he spoke, I recognised him. He was the one that caught me, the one that caught me in the remains of the library.

I took a deep breath before continuing, “I was protection for the Princess, before all this. Her friends are currently captive in that castle. Honestly, they’re suffering worse than your friend is, and that is saying something. I want them out of there, I want them safe.” I let them hang onto my words, I hope they can understand my side on this. They want their man safe, I want those girls safe, “I can help you get your man out, I swear on that. But in return I need you to help me get these girls out. Please, I am begging you.”

I bowed my head as I finished speaking. I don’t know what they are thinking, seeing me like this, but I am only doing this to conceal the tears that have flooded my vision. I don’t care about my pride anymore, my pride is long shattered. Not after everything I have heard and seen.

I heard my captors whispering amongst themselves, deliberating whether there is any truth to my words. The longer they spoke, the more hopeless I felt. What if they just killed me? Here and now? Left my body on the streets, discovered and reported back to Emil? No one in that castle would help the girls as they are. And, well, I’m replaceable. Anyone can guard the torture chambers, haul the prisoners to and from their cells, and partake in espionage missions for Emil.

I was shocked out of my thoughts when I felt someone behind me. I thought they would do it now, just slit my throat, but they didn’t. They sliced through the ropes that bound my hands together. I sighed out of pure, sweet, glorious relief, rubbing at my shoulders, euphoria coursing through me. This was good, this was promising.

“If we help you, Michał Jełen,” the woman said, the calmness that eminated in her voice was a welcome change, “what will you do for us in return?”

“A-anything, I just want those girls safe,” I said, remaining on  my knees.

“Those girls will be the death of you, boy. I wouldn’t advertise your feelings for them to total strangers,” the gruff older man said.

“Of course - there are a few conditions that you need to meet, Michał Jełen” the woman continued, and I felt my heart sink, but I tried not to show that, “if our man dies before he is returned to us, I promise you that I will kill you. If you reveal our location to your superior that leads to the death of any more of our men, I promise that I will kill you.”

I nodded, getting to my feet as I spoke, still uncaring about my shattered dignity. I shivered slightly as I continued to stand, this room really was cold, “my orders were to destroy this place if I found no one here. I have an appearance to maintain if I am going to help your man.”

“We’ll handle that,” the older man spoke up, “you’ll also need to think of something to tell your boss that stops him from hurting our man. If you can agree to all this... we’ll help your girls.”

The man held out his hand.

There were so many ways that this could go horribly, horribly wrong. I can’t promise that Emil hasn’t done damage to that man past the point of no return. I can’t promise he will survive another round of torture after I report zero findings. If this entire plan is discovered, I am officially a traitor. I would be a prisoner in those dungeons for the rest of my numbers days if I am caught.

All for Matylda. Have to help her.

Well, I already am a traitor. They just don’t know it yet.

I never truly betrayed the Princess.

All for her.

[empressofmankind]

When The Black Dog Growls - part 1/? - ‘The Lord Protector’s Wife’

Fandom: Warhammer 40.000

Character/s: Gregor Eisenhorn, Titus Endor, Genevieve Helve Allenbrisk (mentioned), Tomàs de Torquemada-Coteaz (mentioned)

Location/s: Gregor’s place, where ever that is at that moment. Set ~ M41.384.

Premises: Titus’ habit of downplaying Gregor’s bisexuality, at the worst of times.

Mood: Depressing

Warnings: Lowkey biphobia

Rain pattered on the window. It was light, still, but it wouldn’t be for much longer. My data-stylus scratched across the slate I was writing on. The vidscreen was on in the background. Sports, by the sound of it. I was trying to work.

The sound changed. Commercials. It changed several more times before it stopped. News of some sort. The lady reporter sounded overly excited.

“Greg…”

I tried to finish the sentence I was writing. The case report was late, I was behind.

“Hey, Greg!”

I sighed and put my data-stylus down. I leaned back in my seat and stared at the ceiling. “I am trying to work, Titus.”

“Come check this out.”

I didn’t want to but something in his tone made me get up. I rose and crossed the distance from my study area to the living room. Titus sprawled across the only couch, one leg over the armrest and the other across the back. He was still in his underwear. He gestured at the vidscreen. “Isn’t she that chick you some times bang?”

I scowled at his words and had meant to rebuke his choice of them when the vidcaster changed. It’d been showing a wide shot of what was clearly the Cathedral of His Eternal Light on Holy Terra. Even if the Antethorian Revival style of its facade hadn’t been obvious, the warm radiance glinting off the golden finials of the Imperial Palace in the distance most certainly was. But now the vidcaster zoomed to its grand steps and the couple standing there. He was tall, well-built and not bad looking. And, yes, she was indeed Genevieve. By the look of their attire, they’d just gotten married.

“When was this?” I asked.

Titus glanced in my direction. “It’s live.”

The crowd broke into ear-splitting cheering when he kissed her with unnecessary theatrics. The reporter about lost it, her voice skipping entire octaves up as she delivered the news.

“That’s her right?” Titus. I pulled my gaze away and looked at him.

“Yes,” I answered.

“Well, that’s a thing of the past, then,” he said as he turned his attention back to the vidscreen. “I wouldn’t mess with that one unless you enjoy the prospect of being slow-roasted to death.”

I looked back at the vidscreen too. The man drew a complete blank on me. Admittedly, I never paid much attention to our colleagues their goings-on. Not like Titus and Genevieve do, anyway. Genevieve. She looked nice. The ivory and gold suited her. The flaring Aquila-wing motif at the shoulders gave the impression she had small, golden, cherub wings. It occurred to me that was probably intentional.

“You don’t know who that is, do you?” I glanced at Titus, who was looking up at me. No, I didn’t.

“You need to get out more, Gregor,” Titus continued, evidently amused by the entire situation. “That’s the Lord Protector of the Formosa sector, Tomàs de Torquemada-Coteaz. Former Crusader and one of the sitting High Lords of the Iron Wheel. And, as of this week, a Lord Inquisitor. Of the Ordo Malleus.”

And that wasn’t even the worst of it yet.

“A whole lot of people consider him a shoo-in for Helbrecht if the old Templar ever vacates his seat on the Senatorum Imperialis,” Titus finished, looking rather pleased with himself.

That was a name I knew. Baldwin Helbrecht. “Lord Malleus Solar.”

“I am glad, Gregor, you at least know who among our colleagues sit their righteous asses among the High Lords of Terra,” Titus chuckled. “You do know the others, right?”

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. Forcefully. “Helena Constantia Drakulich, Ordo Hereticus, and our own Emil Darkhammer,” I humoured him.

Titus crooked an eyebrow, barely containing his grin. “You, of all people, I’d have thought would remember our dearest Inquisitorial Representative, Vallerie Desjardin.”

For an entire heartbeat skewering him with my mind seemed like a good idea. I didn’t, of course. “Yes, and Desjardin. Ordo Malleus as well.”

“The-Emperor-knows-how, but yes,” Titus replied as he turned his attention back to the vidscreen. “He and Darkhammer are going to get on right fine and we’re all going to rue the day we loaned the wrong tome from the Ordo library. At least Coteaz can’t stand Desjardin.” He waved a hand half-heartedly at the vidscreen. “Which is clearly not an all-women thing. I wonder what’s up with that? Desjardin is pretty popular among hammer-wielders of every stripe.” He mused on but it had bogged down into particulars about our colleagues that I didn’t care about.  I didn’t think he was talking to me any longer, anyway.

The vidcaster was taking its time covering the mind-boggling scope of the procession that followed the Inquisitors from the Cathedral before returning to the newlyweds. I smiled when Genevieve unapologetically hitched up her long skirts and climbed onto the horse herself, then draped them about herself and the animal’s hindquarters with the ease of practice. She rarely wore conventional dresses but she’d always favoured riding skirts out in the country. The horse shone in the rare sunlight as if cast from gold. It was real enough though, so they must have done something to its coat.

“You know, Greg,” Titus chuckled. “She aims any higher, she’d be marrying the Emperor Himself.” Something must have shown in my expression despite its paralysis, for he sat up on his knees and reached for me over the back of the couch. “Why the long face, huh? Was she that amazing?”

I looked at the vidscreen for a long moment. She seemed to be enjoying herself. She was smiling. I remembered that smile well. She looked happy. I glanced back at Titus, his expression wry.

“No.”

“There you have it,” he grinned once more and pressed a kiss against my lips before flopping down onto the couch again. “Nothing lost!”

I turned back to my desk, my slate and data-stylus where I’d left them. It was raining still. It’d be dark soon. I glanced at the vidscreen as I sat down. She looked happy.

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[maywemeetagain-youheldyourbreath]

why are there no bellarke musical aus?

like.....Clarke Griffin is a Hollywood movie star that has always been interested in stage because she saw a production of Les Mis at the Hollywood Bowl once when she was nine and thought it was the most perfect, transformative experience ever, and so now she has some traction on her own merit (because can’t have a hollywood au without clarke’s family being hollywood royalty) she approaches Wells, her agent, and is like “i wanna be in a musical” and so Wells hooks her up with a revival of some Gershwin or Rodgers and Hammerstein AND the producers are thrilled, LIKE, hopefully they can get butts in seats

and Bellamy Blake god-I-hope-I-get-it, Marlon Brando type, chorus boy has had to fight tooth and nail to get every and any part he’s ever gotten

but he’s not a dancy type of chorus boy, oh no, he tried to learn to dance once he realized that maybe musical theater could be a viable option for him but ALAS he had two left feet....Octavia is the dancer out of the two of them....so Bellamy has made a pretty solid career out of Baritone chorus singing in revivals of Sondheim and Gershwin and Rodgers and Hammerstein musicals

and so when he gets cast in the chorus of the King and I...because he’s brown and the casting directors are like who cares what kind of asian he is....we don’t...you’re hired...Bellamy Blake is pretty pumped

UNTIL he hears the princess of hollywood is making her stage debut in this revival...which taints the whole experience for him before the first rehearsal

meanwhile Clarke drops out of a film to focus on this production....like, voice lessons three times a week, a dialect coach every day for an hour, ballroom dance lessons every night for two and a half hours....she isn’t going to just do this musical, oh NO CLARKE GRIFFIN IS GOING TO GIVE IT HER ALL

she’s very aware that she’s not broadway royalty and that people are going to expect her to fail and she’s not going to let that happen, not today, not ever

on day one of rehearsals in Chelsea she arrives at the studio an hour before everyone else is set to rehearse

the stage manager is the only person in this room full of mirrors....and Clarke is suddenly overwhelmed, like...what if she can’t do this...what if everyone thinks she sucks...what if everything goes wrong...what if she’s...what if what if what if

Raven, the stage manager on-her-shit-runs-this-show, Reyes steps into her space and tells her to breathe. “whatever kind of breakdown you’re having, don’t....I saw your tapes...you got this”

the two girls spend the next hour drinking coffee behind the director’s table

which does NOT WORK FOR BELLAMY BLAKE when he shows up to rehearsal fifteen minutes early because does miss famous think she can just sit in the director’s chair? like who IS this girl? and chatting up the stage manager? pfffffft. is this whole production gonna be like this??

he starts to warm up near one of the bars, just because he can’t dance doesn’t mean he’s not a strong mover, when Clarke bounces over to him all excitement and nervous energy

FIRST DAY OF REHEARSAL WOOT, she’s pumped

she starts to go through her dance warm ups on the same bar as him....and after a few minutes of silence she can’t help but blurt out “I’m Clarke”

he works his jaw, all grit, “yeah, I know”

cue end of the world, dreams shattered....one of her cast mates (a cute one to boot) already doesn’t like her, this is exactly what she feared..but fuck him, okay? she’s worked her ass off for this role and is ready and prepared to kick ass. so what is some...some...SILLY LITTLE CHORUS BOY DOESN’T LIKE HER?? (clarke does, omg she does)

and rehearsals for broadway shows are intense and SHORT, like they have four weeks to get this off the ground, OKAY?!?!? so Clarke doesn’t have time to deal with Bellamy Blake (she learns his name at check-in day three) and his piss poor attitude

even if she really wants to know him because he’s good, he’s really good, actually....and everyone in the rehearsal room seems to know him and like him....he’s their resident chorester

and, at some point during the rehearsal process, once he “gets his head out of his ass” as Raven one day so sweetly points out he realizes Clarke is really good, too. actually, she’s phenomenal and soft and her voice has a raspy mezzo that’s perfect for him and she’s so good to everyone in the cast and has taken a real shine to Monty who plays Tuptim....a first timer who Clarke insists is gonna get nominated for a Tony

she also hooks Monty up with Miller halfway through tech week because the lighting designer and Bell’s best friend definitely has taken a shine to Monty

and so, OKAY FINE, Bellamy was a little hasty in passing judgement on Clarke but how do step back from that??? how do you step back from being an asshole on the first meeting???

he figures it out after their first preview

during intermission Clarke goes missing...everyone is running around ecstatic from a great first act, the audience loves it, its all going well....but their Anna is nowhere to be seen

Bellamy finds her hiding in the quick change curtains

she’s sitting on the ground, her hoop skirt flipped up over her head....and Bellamy thinks its just about the cutest shit he’s ever seen

he takes a seat beside her and flips the hoop skirt down

Clarke scowls but he offers her a tentative smile, which confuses Clarke because HE IS MEAN WTH 

that’s when he starts their friends with two words “what’s wrong?”

she unloads all of her anxieties, her worries that the audience hates her...and tentatively Bellamy wraps an arm around her willowy shoulders....and tells her with sincerity how great she was, how she makes this show, how she’s proved everyone wrong...how she’s proved him wrong....he sheepishly adds, “plus, I was an asshole”

Clarke smiles, “yea, you were”

and just like that, they’re friends

BEST FRIENDS

for six months of shows because they’re the original cast and that’s how that works....and suddenly people start to leave, moving on to new projects and contracts start to expire and then they announce that Harper will be taking Clarke’s place when her contract expires

Bellamy knows that Clarke’s run was always going to end but it hits him hard once he starts to see promotion for Harper

he didn’t want to do this show without her, didn’t want to live on opposite ends of the country from her

holy shit. gdi Bellamy. he likes her, likes likes her....how did this happen?? she’s a movie star and he’s just a chorus boy.

her closing night sucks. he’s going to miss everything about her. rehearsals, backstage pow-wows, spending their Monday when they’re always dark eating pizza and hanging out on her couch, he’s going to miss her most of all.

after her bow, Clarke throws herself in Bellamy’s arms, giddy and bright, and he just holds her because he’s THAT GUY NOW. fuck.

they throw her an exit party and bellarke leave together around one in the morning.

they’re sitting in her now empty when she tells him she can’t wait to come back to new york and see whatever role he’s doing next, because he’s better than the chorus 

self-deprecating, he chuckles, “there aren’t really roles for asians on broadway, clarke” “but you’re so good” “so? I take what I can...I’m not unhappy.” “you deserve more”

and that’s it....he doesn’t make his move, nothing, they just spend their night together and the next morning she gets back on a flight to LA

from her mouth to god’s ears, Bellamy gets cast in the revival of South Pacific. he’s the understudy for Emile...it’s the most he’s ever done in his career

Clarke sends him an excited text when he tells her, lots of emojis

her heart pangs when she realizes that she won’t be there for his first day of rehearsals or any of tech...but he can be there for the opening, so she has Wells book her flight immediately

he tells her not to bother because he’s the understudy so he won’t be on but Clarke tells him to hush his mouth, she’s coming anyway

she tells Raven she’ll be back in New York for the opening night and Raven teases her about her silly crush on Bellamy

they catch up over dinner once she’s back, Bellamy is too busy, he’s in tech, to meet them

Raven spends half the meal giving Clarke shit about Bellamy until she hits the core of the problem “he’s like a chorus boy, you’re a movie star...you do realize you have the upper hand here....you could so EASILY make a move”

“he doesn’t see me like that,” Clarke reasons, “we’re friends”

“oh, I believe you’re friends...but he definitely sees you like that”

CLARKE IS LIKE NUH UH AND THAT’S when she sees a text from Bellamy

“SOS”

“what’s up”

“John literally broke his leg”

“oh shit”

“i’m going on”

and that night Bellamy Blake gets his big break as John Murphy spends the night in a hospital nearby grumbling 

he’s fantastic, ends act I to thunderous applause

Clarke sits riveted to his “Younger Than Springtime”, the way he starts small...the way he seems to reminisce about a beautiful face one that he can picture so clearly (one Clarke selfishly wishes to be hers), the words are so silly and sentimental and tragic and so, SO Bellamy, “angel and lover and heaven and earth are you to me”, the strings swell, the way he grabs the back of the chair to tether himself to the earth, the way his voice quakes, the way he longs and pines and smiles that signature sad smile

he ends act one to thunderous applause 

act 2 is tragic and his “this nearly was mine” HURTS her....its slow and romantic.... “close to my heart she came, only to fly away, only to fly as day flies from moonlight” ....and that’s when she realizes she’s going to kiss him. not now but soon.

at the afterparty, he’s covered in sweat but he’s glowing...he’s radiant...and THAT’S when she kisses him 

in front of reporters, his entire cast

Bellamy’s dumbfounded when she pulls away and the roar of cameras clicks to life

Wells SCOFFS and starts to try and heard Clarke and Bellamy away from the “fucking reporters”

they get them into a backroom and that’s when he’s all smiles, his Clarke smile but also a radiant smile because BEST NIGHT EVER he opened the show and got Clarke to kiss him

“what was that?” “a kiss” “why” “because I’m so proud of you?” “you kiss people you’re proud of?” “just you” “oh good”

and the next show Bellamy does he does with Clarke and they go three for three on Rodgers and Hammerstein but this time its Carousel and this time they sing it together  

[rhys-thecompanynerd-blog]

2,3, 11, 30, 53 and 54 [[ THERE YOU GO ]]

2. Favorite part of writing.

The part where it works? No, seriously. The part I enjoy most probably is the possibility to create pictures and whole scenes in peoples minds. To describe a feeling, a situation to the fullest, using a few metaphors here and there. Like, the character feels the air tensen up around him, and so does the reader at the same time.

You as a writer hold the power to form whole worlds at your very fingertips. And as soon as the words flow, you make it possible. And that’s what I love about writing.

3. Least favorite part of writing.

And as much as I love writing, I hate when it doesn’t work. When my mind isn’t able to work the magic it’s supposed to do. When my mind is empty, when I feel getting more and more depressed the more I overthink. The more I struggle to put words together, no matter how hard I try.

I hate feeling as if I was vulnerable thanks to my own inability of writing at times. I really do. I hate writers block. I get depressed, I get moody and finally, I get stressed out.

Luckily, I manage well enough to say: Alright. It doesn’t work today. Maybe it works tomorrow. Still, it’s nagging on me, the blank document almost mocking me every time I take a glance at it.

It’s a hard hobby. It’s the hardest hobby I probably could have chosen. But that’s also what keeps me going. No matter how depressed I get. 

There’s this quote that inspires me:

“Take your broken heart, make it into art.”

And it always gets me motivated again.

11. Describe your writing process from scratch to finish.

1. There’s an idea, stuck in my head. I don’t think too much about it, but I keep it in the back of my mind. Then more ideas gather around that original idea. Scenes, Conversations and so on. Then, I start to write those ideas down.

2. Good, those ideas are usually not useable for the beginning of the story, but are more of plots and twists for the middle and end. So I have to think further. How do I start a story? I think of ideas, write some of them down and finally find myself in the state of desperation.

3. There’s a lot of crying and curling into a ball as well.

4. Until I, finally, decide to start. Somehow. If it works, it works and I’m happy and I usually keep writing with delight. If it doesn’t work.. well, back to step 3 until step 4 can happen again.

30. Favorite line you’ve ever written.

Okay and here’s where I’m stuck.

I just pick a few I like, okay?

Hidden In The Shadows ( Dishonored / Thief Crossover)

“Curiosity overtook the man, overgrew the fear in his heart that told him to stop right where he was standing. But what could happen to him that could be worse than the situation he was already in? He was a dead man already.”

Alone ( Borderlands ) //Not uploaded yet//

The silence that fell upon the room once more felt suddenly so much heavier, so much thicker, making it hard to breathe. Every second lasting a lifetime and maybe even longer. Vaughn didn’t dare to look at her any longer. His anxiety keeping him from it. The anxiety that he wasn’t able to keep her close for just one and a half eternities longer than that moment. Impossible. 

Shattered ( Hetalia )

But yet, his heart started to beat painfully in his chest once again. Emil shouldn‘t care if this stranger was texting him or not. And yet, it broke his heart, shredding it into pieces. After all, after their talk, Emil felt, for the first time in forever, understood by someone.How they had talked for such a long, yet so short, while and how they actually made the light-haired laugh which noone had managed to do for a while. Too long.Emil bit down on his lip, hard enough for him to believe that he would draw blood in just a moment.It had been stupid to begin with, to think that a stranger, who just happened to be on the other end of the line, would care enough for a boy he had never met before. Maybe the stranger just felt sorry for the boy who had a breakdown in the middle of the night, who was crying and in need for help. So desperate that he called a hotline, so they could fix him.

Not actually lines, but little parts I like best about those Fanfictions.

53. What does writing mean to you?

It means a whole lot to me. It’s a way of expressing me, my thoughts and much more. I love to put my thoughts, my ideas and such into words. To play around with metaphors, with pictures and with feelings and the heaviness that lies within the words I use.

I love to play around with the readers emotions just as much I enjoy to type the words out as they come.

I love words. I love how you can put a sentence simple, for everyone to understand, but at the same time I love how you can put it so differently, in both, meaning and choice of words. 

And this is the power an author has.

54. Any writing advice you want to share?

Don’t give up.Don’t be like me. I gave up far too many times on stories I had in mind, because I thought they were stupid and deleted them in the process.

Try to get something down on paper or document every time you get the chance.

Don’t lose hope. Which I still do often. But even people I look up to, like Kafka, Stephen King or Edgar Alan Poe or J.K Rowling had times where it was bad. Where no word would spill from their fingers and their mind couldn’t concentrate on a single thing they wanted to tell their audience.

Hell, Kafka had months of writers block and got around it with time. 

Just stick to it.

Write it. Let it be bad. Allow yourself to write bad. Keep it. Look at it, make it better next time. No book was written perfectly in just a day. It takes work.

Writing’s a journey, it’s hard, it’s demanding. And it can hurt you in some ways. But it’s worth it, if you stick to it. Face the lows just as much as the ups and appreciate them for what they are. Because lows are also there to forge the author in a way.

(Hell that sounds like straight out of some motivation guide. Sorry)

[instituteofgeorgianhistory]

Georgia as a Part of Integrated Europe – Analysis

Tedo Dundua

Emil Avdaliani

https://www.eurasiareview.com/11052020-georgia-as-a-part-of-europe-analysis/

 Below is a short overview of how the concept of Europe emerged over the past millennia and why Georgia has always been part of integrated Europe.

Climate determines eco­no­mics. Hot and less humid environment defined an early advantage of the South over the North – indeed, the Egyptian state and the crafts confront entirely the primitive clan-system which existed in fact everywhere. Then the whole pattern changed.

Times after, some technical improvements towards the North created very comfortable vegetation process, while the Egyptians still needed time to put a seed beyond the reach of the sun. In the 9th-8th cc. B.C. the Greeks are already at the vanguard by means of the technics and the structures. The countries being superb before, like Egypt and Babylon, or India, now face a new hegemonic power – Hellas, already overpopulated and needing grain and the raw materials to be imported. Then the perception of Europe has appeared. Europe is a special term for the part of the earth, which stipulates or will stipulate the same vanguard level of development. Even Scythia with its rough spring was thought to be reorganized in the Greek manner, than those countries which needed the additional finances for irrigation. So, the making of Europe started.

The Greek pattern was as follows: 1. occupying or even frequently being invited to the key points of other economic structures like Caria, Thrace, Bosphorus or Colchis; 2. establishing the autonomous Greek social structures granted heavily with the technics from the metropolis; 3. the natives being equipped with the best tools for agriculture; 4. Greek industrial structures maintained on this background; 5. exporting supplies to Hellas and receiving back some industrial goods. The Aegean and the Pontic (the Black Sea) areas were supposed to form unique economic space. Economic integration considered several stages to be realized: first it was Asia Minor, in fact mistakenly called so, to be Hellenized due to climatic similarity with Greece, then – West, North and East Black Sea countries.

Two major waves of the colonists passed from Hellas – first one in the 8th-6th cc. B.C., and the next – in the 4th c. B.C. led by Alexander the Great. Asia Minor was a complete victory of Hellenism, even being integrated politically under Mithridates Eupator, king of Pontus, as far back as in the 1st c. B.C. The Roman rule gave a new sense to the economic prosperity of the Greek World. And at last, the Byzantine metropolis was created with all those languages like Lydian, Cappadocian etc. vanished forever. But there were serious failures too. Colchis (Western Georgia) offered a dangerous humidity to the Greek way of life. The Greeks living there had no chance to keep their industrial spirit as agriculture was very slow in development. Soon the Greek community became a bilingual one, and after – totally assimilated within the Colchian society. As to Bosphorus (at the Northern Black Sea coast), a corn-supply from Asia Minor to Greece broke the traditional scheme and the region soon lost its Greek style.

The Romans did the same job for Gaul and Spain, putting the Latin population there and Romanizing these sites. They also cared much about their Greek colleagues in making Europe – starting from the 1st c. B.C. the Romans were running the whole administration within the Hellenistic World, while the Greeks used to build their integrated industry. Then the whole system collapsed.

Indeed, Italy never cared much for maximum of technical improvement and power revolution. The result was catastrophic – excessive growth of population in Italy, insufficient economic progress, high prices on the Italian industrial export, cheap supply from European provinces, indecisive military advantage of the metropolis over the provinces; the Roman imperial system vanished Italy being forced to receive large numbers of Goths as settlers. New Europe will pay special attention to the technical progress employing more and more hands in heavy industry. But what was supposed to be done with the starving Italy?

East Rome (Byzantium) possessed prominent food stocks from Asia Minor and Egypt. Emperor Justinian put Italy within the Byzantine hegemony. But Byzantium itself was also a very old economic pattern. And Europe struck with the Slavs and the Bulgars penetrating beyond the Danube, establishing their national states in Thrace, Moesia and Dalmatia. The Asian provinces were lost too. From this very point on Byzantium was steadily degrading still being a predominant for East Europe and the Black Sea countries. Besides, the Byzantines kept some of the Italian provinces thus irritating the rest of Europe and provoking the emergence of Catholicism and Holy Roman Empire.

Till the 11th c. Byzantium was the dominant power, the champion of Christendom against onslaught of Asia and Islam. But it was already very old European pattern of the Mediterranean trying to control North. Soon Empire found itself caught between two fires – the Crusaders and the Turks. Byzantium had to be calmed finally. The Crusaders (after 1204) and the Turks (after the battle of Manzikert, 1071) did this job properly overpopulating the country. Towards the end of the 13th c. Byzantium is nothing but a lot of principalities with different confessional visages (Orthodox, Catholic and Muslim). The Orthodox World starts disputing about a new leader, Serbian, Bulgarian and Georgian kings assuming formally the title of Caesar and Autocrat (and before the Georgian kings formally had been hailed as king and Kuropalates, king and Sebastos, even sometimes, king and Caesaros).

The Italians were more pragmatic. Seizing the whole islands and the key points over the Aegean and the Black Sea, they will control the complete economic output there until the 15th c. This was a disaster for building of Europe. Within the Holy Roman Empire Italy was granted only moderate supplies of food and the raw materials from the Northward. And now Venice and Genoa made a commercial onslaught upon what still can be called the Byzantine World destroying the local crafts. e.g. In 1261 the Byzantine Emperor Michael Palaeologos had to sign a treaty with Genoa promising the republic the concessions, own quarters in Constantinople and other ports, and free access to those of the Black Sea.

A comparative analysis of the Hellenic and the Italian periods is as follows: the Greeks took up their permanent residence within the East Aegean and the Pontic areas stimulating economics, while the Italians placed the soldiers and the merchants there to empty the local markets. That is why the Ottoman reintegration was welcomed by the overwhelming majority in Asia Minor. And Greece since has formed a separate economic structure. Thus the Italian overlordship came to an end together with the handsome transit trade.

The Italians did their best to save the maritime empires but they failed. Galata or Pera was lost immediately. And the Ottoman control over the Straits endangered the existence of the Black Sea colonies like Caffa (Theodosia), which passed over to the Ottomans in 1475. Quite soon the whole empire of Genoa had vanished. Venice triumphed at the battle of Lepanto (1571), but little good resulted. Hence the Italian supplies had been tied up neatly with the countries Northwards, while Italy itself being reduced to a modest land.

After these Southern European empires gone forever, new Europe emerged with its rationalism and a traditional division into the West and the East still vital, with a clear perspective of collaboration, even creating the universal whole European architectural style – a certain mixture of the Gothic (Western) and the Byzantine (Eastern) styles – that was Baroque, elaborated still in Italy in the 16th c. The West was lucky in evolution, more severe East had to arrange an economic tension losing the comforts and the services to catch the West. Both of them headed towards Asia for a supply. The colonial system was established. And if the imperial experiment happened to be used still within Europe, like the Austrians and the Russians did, no economic synthesis was planned. Great Britain and Russia never thought even of America and Siberia as of some agrarian sections while sending the colonists there. World War I created the state-socialist system in the Russian Empire and the USSR appeared. World War II widened the state-socialist system and the Warsaw Pact appeared. The brutal rationalism like state-socialism still did its job neatly. Towards the midst of the 19th c. East Europe with its serfdom seems to be a grotesque European province. Now the differences are hastily diminishing, and the making of Europe is nearing the end. Soon the entire North will face the South within the network of a collaboration affiliating some extremely Southern industrial countries like Australia and the Republic of South Africa, Chile and Argentina.

So, Europe is part of the earth which stipulates or will stipulate the same vanguard level of development. That has been well acknowledged since ancient times. An idea of European integration is as old as comprehension of geographical determinism for technological evolution.

Academic summary for Georgia being a permanent subject of the European integration is as follows: as far back as in the 6th c. B.C. Themistagoras from Miletus made Phasis in Colchis home for himself and his Greek colonists. Thus West Georgia was involved in the European matter. Greek commercial superiority was substituted by the Roman hegemony over the small coastal strip of Colchis, already called Lazica in the 1st c. A.D. And that hegemony was based upon well-manned castellum-system from Pitius up to Aphsaros. Lazi client-kings, dwelling in the hinterland, largely enjoyed Roman pax and prosperity, gaining a handsome profit by trading with the gallant Pontic cities, like Sinope, Amisus and Trapezus.

The whole Black Sea area might be looked upon as a multicultural region of which the general principles were still based on Hellenism, but that was facilitated mostly by the Roman money and defended by the Roman soldiers. Further towards the East, Iberian kings, sometimes even possessing Roman citizenship, welcomed Graeco-Roman transit from Central Asia and India. Spices, precious wood and stones were brought to Europe via “Transcaucasian” trade-route.

http://georgiatoday.ge/news/20876/Silk%2C-Spices-and-Oil–%27Transcaucasian%27-Trade-Route-and-Georgia

Byzantium was not a betrayal of all that was the best in Hellas and Rome. Great oriental bastion of Christendom, she seems to be a formulator of the Orthodox Christian Commonwealth. The Georgian kings being within were hailed as king and Kuropalates, king and Sebastos, king and Caesaros. Again dual citizenship was applied. For the Christian monarchs, there were the Byzantine titles to make them feel as the citizens of the Orthodox Empire, being at the same time ascribed to their own country. After the adoption of Christianity, Eastern Slavonia, with Kyiv as capital, joined the Byzantine Commonwealth. That clearly meant enlargement of the Eastern European unity towards the Eastern section of humid continental Europe, into the direction of the river Volga. Russians were the loyal subjects of the Commonwealth, looking calmly at the decline of Constantinople’s hegemony, and the Bulgar and Georgian kings seizing the titles of “Tsar” and “Autocrat”.

Becoming stronger, Russia vividly protested Ottoman reintegration of what was formerly known as Byzantium, and Muslim overlordship over the Orthodox World by taking the title of “Tsar” for Grand Prince Ivan in 1547. New center of East Europe was shaped, and then long-term war started for hegemony, Russia being victorious.

Seeing itself as East European super-power, thus Russia claimed Byzantine political heritage. For Russians Georgia had to be within the East European Union, and at the beginning of the 19th c. Kartalino-Kakhetian Kingdom (Eastern Georgia) became a part of the Russian Empire. The USSR was a substitute for the Russian Empire. And now Georgia is searching for her room within unified Europe (T. Dundua. The Making of Europe (Towards History of Globalization). The Caucasus and Globalization. Journal of Social, Political and Economic Studies. Volume 2. Issue 2. Sweden. 2008, pp. 38-45).

   Towards the Modern Period

 Georgia and EU established close bilateral relations since the 1990s. Significant progress was made in 2004-2011 paving the way for further cooperation. In June 2012 the EU opened a visa dialogue with Georgia. By early 2013 a visa liberalization action plan was laid out. In March 2016 the European Commission proposed to allow visa-free travel to the Schengen area for Georgian citizens.

https://www.consilium.europa.eu/en/policies/eastern-partnership/georgia/  

Major developments took place in the economic sphere. In June 2014 the EU and Georgia signed an Association Agreement (AA). This, along with the Deep and Comprehensive Free Trade Area (DCFTA) Agreement, builds a foundation for far-reaching Georgian political and economic integration with the EU.

https://eeas.europa.eu/headquarters/headquarters-homepage_en/49070/Georgia%20and%20the%20EU

Modern Georgia aspires to become an economic part of Europe, and enjoy its monetary system, unified currency – euro. Major steps have been made to this end since the break-up of the Soviet Union. The current EU-Georgia close relationship is based on the EU-Georgia Association Agreement. More importantly, the latter involves a Deep and Comprehensive Free Trade Area (DCFTA), which came into force in mid-2016 and along with closer political ties aims to achieve deeper economic integration between Tbilisi and the EU.

http://georgiatoday.ge/news/20981/%27Attic-Standard-Zone%27%2C-Eurozone-and-Georgia%3A-Historical-Comparative-Analysis

Since the signing of the DCFTA EU-Georgia trade ties have seen a radical change. True that only a modest growth of exports to the EU has been seen so far. However, there was a considerable decline in Georgia’s trade with the former Soviet states due to the unfavorable economic situation of CIS trade partners. By 2020 Georgia trades more with the EU than it was before the DCFTA. Over the long term the positive effects of the DCFTA are likely to build up considerably (Deepening EU-Georgian Relations. What, why and how? Ed. M. Emerson, T. Kovziridze. London. 2018, p. 5).

On 27 June 2014 the European Union and Georgia signed the Association Agreement (AA), including the Deep and Comprehensive Free Trade Area (DCFTA). The DCFTA has an ambitious objective of integration with the EU’s internal market, therefore is considered as the unique free trade agreement. As the main pillar of the AA, it contributes to modernization and diversification of economy in Georgia.

https://eeas.europa.eu/delegations/georgia/49070/node/49070_uz

Recently the EU has published an Eastern Partnership (EaP) policy which outlines the Union approach for 2020 and beyond towards the six former Soviet states bordering Russia. This comes amid fears that the EU has not been able to fully implement its previous Eastern Partnership policy as Georgia and Ukraine, the states which most successfully implemented the reforms, have not become EU members.

https://moderndiplomacy.eu/2020/03/01/despite-troubles-eastern-partnership-will-remain-operational-in-one-form-or-another/ The new policy document is therefore an important step, serving as a continuation of the EU’s resolve to further integrate the 6 former Soviet states into the Union’s institutions.

The new policy document is a result of consultations launched in 2019 by the European Commission. The previous document made an emphasis on engaging with civil society to ensure effective reforms. There also was a focus on increased public accountability, advanced human rights and local development.

The new policy document outlines changes in 3 out of 4 priority areas. The EU again will work on building stronger economy, connectivity and stronger society as a guarantee.

In the new policy, EU-Georgia cooperation will remain the main way to ensure the implementation of policy recommendations. According to the document, “the EU will continue to provide support in bilateral, regional and multi-country fora, including targeted sectoral assistance in line with the principles of inclusiveness and differentiation. In addition, the EaP will continue to be flexible and inclusive, allowing countries to tackle common and global challenges jointly in a wide range of areas, fostering regional integration”.

https://ec.europa.eu/neighbourhood-enlargement/sites/near/files/joint_communication_on_the_eap_policy_beyond_2020.pdf  

Overall, there are the following long-term Eastern Partnership policy objectives the EU plans to implement with Georgia beyond 2020: building resilient, sustainable and integrated economies, accountable institutions; increasing the rule of law and general security; making progress in building environmental and climate resilience; implementing a resilient digital transformation; building a fair and inclusive societies.

The new EaP strategy also underlines the importance of increasing bilateral trade which builds upon the previous progress. For example, in the 2010s, EU-EaP trade has nearly doubled, turning the partner countries into the EU’s 10th largest trading partner.

This has the geopolitical ramification of Russia gradually losing the economic battle as the EaP states diversify their economies. The EU is the first trading partner for four partner countries (Azerbaijan, Georgia, Moldova and Ukraine), while for Armenia and Belarus the EU is the second biggest trading partner.

The diversification in exports of goods of EaP states helps to better integrate those states into the global value chains. Another sign of closer interaction between the EU and EaP states is the number of companies trading with the Union. In Georgia, the number increased by 46%, from Moldova by 48% and from Ukraine by 24%.

Building upon this achievement, the new document calls for deepening of “the economic integration with and among the partner countries, particularly that of the three associated countries through continued support for the full implementation of the current DCFTAs”.

Another geopolitical realm covered by the new document is transport. The EU will be focusing on upgrading key physical infrastructure in road, rail, port, inland waterway and airport facilities, and logistics centers, in order to further strengthen connectivity between the EU and the partner countries and among the partner countries themselves. This is in connection with the energy connectivity in the “South Caucasus”, as the Southern Gas Corridor was completed in 2020 with first gas from Azerbaijan likely reaching the EU.

https://moderndiplomacy.eu/2020/03/21/the-eu-introduces-new-vision-for-eastern-partnership-states/ Yet another important sphere of cooperation will be strengthening the EU’s cooperation with the partner countries to create a strong financial system for sustainable economic growth. Within the measures to minimize organized crime, the EU will continue its support for the EaP states to cooperate with EU justice and home affairs agencies to fight human trafficking and trafficking of illicit goods (notably drugs and firearms), etc. Among other policies, the EU’s support for the cyber resilience of the partner countries stands out. This is particularly important for Georgia as the country was recently subject to massive external cyber-attacks.

Thus there is a clear progress in EU-Georgia relations with likely advancement to follow in the coming years.

[whumping-newbie]

Not in Vain

Another bit of Michał that I have been writing for NaNo, based on a scene I started and planned but never actually finished.

POV: Michał

Warnings: female whump, slavery, captivity, starvation, threats, hair pulling/grabbing by the hair

I was alone as I made my way down the corridor, the corridor I had walked down just yesterday. The solitude of the quarantine cells was unnerving, even though I knew that was exactly the point. A smaller window of bars compared to the other cells, and huge stone walls covering the remainder, allowing barely any light into the cells. The lights in here are turned off when there are no visitors or food deliveries, enveloping the whole area in total blackness, leaving those unlucky enough to be locked up in here alone with their thoughts and the bare minimum.

Not that it matters when there is only one prisoner here, and that prisoner is the former Queen.

I heard a small stirring as I approached carrying the tray of food for her, crouching down to my knees and setting it down in front of the bars. It was dark in there, I couldn’t see where she was, she must be against the back, either that or just on the other side of the stone, the side I cannot see.

I felt that I should say something. I needed to. For my own sake, I needed to speak to her.

“Your rations, your majesty,” I said, pushing the tray right up against the bars softly with two fingers, still kneeling.

I heard a small yet unamused sound come from within the cell, yet the speaker made no move to come and face me.

“‘Your majesty,’“ she repeated, “that’s a funny thing to say to me when you called that traitor ‘your excellency’ yesterday.”

I gulped, returning to my feet, taking in the resigned reality of someone who has so little to live for anymore. That cell must be a torture in of itself, a crippling loneliness and dread, cold and unfeeling, the visitors being less than ideal. I wonder what kind of thoughts someone would suffer through when in a suffocating darkness, trapped with no one else, with no way out, with no hope – I imagine that this particular branch of cruelty is on a similar level with the brutality of Emil’s interrogations.

Her nephew, is all I can think of. Emil is her nephew.

“I mean no offence, your majesty,” I apologised, “it wasn’t her, I thought you’d like to know”.”

I turned away, not expecting her to respond to me.

“Come back here,” she commanded. The strength she pitched behind her words was almost welcome, considering what she had been reduced to now.

I obeyed instantly, standing to attention before her. The Queen appeared into my view, scrambling to her feet with assistance from the bars. Her fingers wrapped around the cold steel, they were almost like she had no skin, just as skeletal as the rest of her. She was clearly starving down here, her face was eerily haunting, she looked so different. She once had such a proud stance, and now…

“You came here to gloat, did you?” she asked, “to see my fall from grace?”

“No, your majesty.”

“Don’t lie to me, boy. Do you take me for a fool?” her voice raised, the conviction behind them is admirable.

“Absolutely not, your majesty.”

She stood there in silence for a moment, scrutinising me closely. She kept her head high as she did, looking me directly into the eyes as she continued her questioning.

“How could you do this?” she asked, “how could you do this to her? After everything that happened, you swore to protect her, and yet you’re working for the ones who want to harm her. Does that vow you made mean nothing?”

I flicked my gaze in the direction of the door, wondering just how much of the conversation the guard outside can hear. I returned to the eye contact she established, her familiar brown eyes were so empty, so hollow despite what she had said to me.

“It means everything to me, your majesty,” I kept my voice quiet, hoping that my response would not be heard.

She let out a scoff, turning around to the darkness of the cell behind her, refusing to face me, “how dare you. You think I don’t hear what happens to the prisoners here? What they are put through? I can hear everything in here, and you say that your own promise to protect my daughter means everything to you. That is some loyalty you have there. How do you sleep at night?”

I don’t, I wanted to say, but it wouldn’t have helped.

“Get out of here. I don’t wish to speak with a traitor.”

I salute once more. “Yes, your majesty.”

It’s probably going to take some convincing for her to believe that I sincerely want to help her, and her daughter.

I’m going to have to steal more from Emil.

---

“Ah, Jelen,” Emil looks up from his documents as I step into his office, and he gets to his feet. “Do you have what I asked for?”

I nod, clutching the stash of paper in my hands. “Yes, sir.”

I start making my way over to him, holding out the envelope towards him. The seal is unbroken on the envelope, a sign to him that I have not tampered with the documents within. I meet him at his desk, and hand over the envelope, which he opened and pulled out the thick wad of papers from within.

Reports, sightings. Potential leads that he himself investigates.

He takes a good, long look at the photograph of the girl in the first photograph, the one that is stapled to the first piece of paper. A young woman in Nazachodzie, that at first glance, does look like the Princess, judging by the way he is so intently staring at her. Her hair is almost identical, but there’s the way she looks, her eyes are the wrong colour for starters.

I take a glance at his room whilst he is preoccupied with staring at this photograph. There’s poor Matylda in the corner, scrubbing at the floor. She is so focussed, she doesn’t even look at me at all. The poor girl, she looks exhausted.

“Stupid cousin,” he growled, slamming the papers down on the desk and rubbing his eyes. “Every damn time.”

A frantic set of knocks pound on the door of the office with such force that I’m surprised the door didn’t fall in. Even little Matylda flinched at the sudden sound, briefly stopping whilst she looked up, before continuing her work, scrubbing the floor underneath a small table, with a wonderfully dark blue vase sat atop it.

“Who is it?” Emil called out, irritated.

“Mitrenga, Kapitan,” the voice replied, “it’s urgent, sir.”

Emil went over to the door, wrenching it open and stepping outside into the corridor.

I could hear them begin talking frantically. Something about some rebels causing trouble in Nadmorzem. I can’t even begin to process that statement, because I am surprised there’s anything left there. I saw photographs, it’s almost totally levelled at this point.

When Emil doesn’t dismiss the soldier straight away, I decide to satiate my curiosity a little by looking at the discarded pile on Emil’s desk. I pull out one of the stash, and feel my breath catch in my throat when I see who it is.

It is the Princess.

She looks to be well, or as well as can be expected. She’s filthy, her hair longer than I remember it, and tied back in a ponytail. She’s looking over her shoulder at something, clearly not noticing whoever took the photograph. The accompanying document says the source came from Podgórą, and that means trouble if she’s there.

She’s with someone else, a dark haired girl with a red streak in her hair. That’s not a good thing, that girl sticks out like a candle in the dark, and if Emil sees this photo, all he needs to do is find that girl. Not even his cousin, because she can hide, no discernible markings. Not that girl. That girl has a defining visual feature.

I take a quick glance back up to Emil who was still stood outside in the corridor. Now or never.

I swipe the paper, and fold it in half, and half again, as quickly as I can manage, but before I can stuff it into my uniform pockets, Emil has finished his conversation outside. He dismissed the soldier, and started turning around.

I stood straight again with my arms behind my back, the document still in my hand. Shit. Shit, shit, shit! I’m in trouble now. He’ll see me with it, and then I’m in a lot of trouble. He won’t see this as a mere accident, or coincidence. No, this is an active crime of sabotage against him.

Especially since this one is the Princess.

Shit!

“Now, back to our trouble –“ Emil started, but he was cut off by the sound of something smashing.

Both our attention is diverted to the back of the room, where there is a broken vase shattered in pieces in front of a crouched Matylda. She’s still there, she’s stopped what she’s doing. It looks like she’s knocked the table that held such an exquisite vase.

“You clumsy little bitch,” Emil stopped in his tracks, and turned to the small girl in the corner.

“I’m sorry sir, I – I didn’t mean to -!” she said through fast forming tears.

But then, I realised.

Emil was totally distracted by this.

He was stood over the poor girl, and she was trembling beneath him as he grabbed her by the hair. I heard her yelp in surprise, but she wasn’t looking at him.

She was looking at me.

I quickly used these precious moments, these golden seconds to conceal the folded piece of paper I had hidden behind me. I stuffed it into my shirt, the piercing ends of the paper catching on my skin as it slides down and rests just above my waistline.

It’s there, hidden now, beneath my jacket. No one will see it there unless I’m ordered to strip. Which, quite honestly, is unlikely.

“Stupid clumsy bitch,” Emil lets go of his young prisoner, and she’s clutching at the rag she was using to scrub the floors. He still towers over her, and she still doesn’t look at him. “Clean this mess up. That vase was worth more than you, you know. You’ll pay for this later, trust me.”

“Yes, yes sir,” she replies tearily, just looking up from the ground enough to make eye contact with me.

I was stood as I was before, both arms behind my back, with the added bonus of no risk of being caught with compromising documents on my person.

She did that on purpose. She broke that on purpose, as a distraction. She did that for me.

And she’s probably going to suffer for that.

Whatever happens now, I refuse to let that kind of bravery be in vain. She didn’t have to do that, and she did it for me. She knows what she did, and I know what she did.

However she gets punished for that, I want to make that worth it for her. I refuse to let her regret such an action. I promise that. It will be worth it.