#bro... nuke us. send the nukes!!!!!

[bunnihearted]

[izzabela]

Buldak Nightmare - MK1 (2023) Roster x male!reader (scenario fic)

in which your spice tolerance is way above everyone else

a/n: i recently bought a pack of buldak... so iykyk

ship[s]: friendSHIP (get it?)

warning(s): sindel ain't dead hoes, slight character deviations, def. using my own headcanons for some characters

Earthrealm (human reader)

Raiden & Kung Lao

- you're eating with him and Kung Lao after a hard training session with new initiates at the Wu Shi

- to save money, you offer to cook ramyeon for them, an obsession of yours you want to put them on

- in front of them lay bowls of semi-orange ramyeon, with sprinkles of cabbage, green onion, and other stuff that came from the pack

- you tell them "enjoy!" and immediately stuff your face silly with the food

- as much as both loved food, especially Kung Lao, they were nervous. Kung Lao took a whiff and noted the pungent spicy aroma, to which Raiden agreed. However, they didn't want to waste your efforts, so they dove in head first. Kung Lao took a hearty bite while Raiden took the safer route

- regardless, both men are wide-eyed and choking, gasping for air, water, and their souls as the spice hits their tongues

- poor Kung Lao, snot coming out of his nose and the entirety of his face red. Raiden is straight up crying, but he offers a weak smile to make up for his position

- you stop eating and try to help them, but you're sitting idly as they say they can handle it. they take their sweet time, drinking water mid bites and breathing quickly- any strategy to try and make the spiciness go away

- after they're done eating, Raiden's back slouches against the chair, while his best friend is hunched over the table. their faces are red, and remnants of their "episodes" linger: dried tear stains, tissues all over the table and floor, and empty cups signify their victory

- they'll eat this again, for sure, just a little later... in the next century when the tournament happens again

Johnny Cage:

- he's definitely nervous

- he's white, so of course his bland tastebuds couldn't handle the heat

- he looks at you with his signature, flashy smile, but you can see the way his eyes dart left and right, away from the bowl

- he came from a poor town, so poor that even Maruchan noodles were a luxury to him. Stardom allowed him access to all sorts of services and foods, but this was put of his professional scope. His ego wouldn't let him lose to you though, so he tried to match your pace and shoved an equal amount of noodles in his mouth

- at first bite, he's down for the count

- your favorite token white boy is legit howling in pain over the spiciness of the buldak

- "I thought you said you had this before?" you asked.

- he's blowing his nose over how spicy the noodles are, "I went to Korea... once!" he annunciates with his pointer finger in the air

- still, his pride won't take the loss, so he does his best to finish it all through tears and pathetic male hiccups

- he accidentally got some on his hand, and he rubs his eyes which practically sends him into a seizure

- when he's back in the real world, he pushes his bowl to you as he watches you down the spicy nuke of food down with a joyful smile

- as much as he values your friendship, he will not be doing this again

Kenshi Takahashi:

- while he doesn't show it, he loves his friends. So much so he'd put himself in a position like this to make you happy, even if he hates spicy noodles

- he definitely would stick to how normal instant ramen is: simple, savory, and safe, and not the abomination that you placed in front of him. Though he no longer can view colors, the smell is what begins his growing fear. An artificial, spicy, and a unique smell entered his nose, and he remembers a brief memory

- he remembers going to South Korea once, for business of course, but he never got to try the food due to his mission at the time. Of course you had to put him on it, and he was slowly beginning to regret it

- "Are you sure this is safe?" he said, his brows upturned as his red bandana covers his marred eyes. You look at him with concern, "Safe? Korean food is as safe as it gets!"

- he doesn't want to make you sad though. He watches you carefully, his teal vision showing you slurping the food with a bright smile on your chiseled face. Quickly, he slurps up the food to get over it quickly

- no, dearest reader, he doesn't get it over with until a whole three hours later

- his diet was strict, ex-yakuza habits still going strong, but it's also due to him being a special agent for the OIA and an Earthrealm champion

- because he no longer has eyes, he simply sweats, shouts, and swears- a lot. he does it so much the police were called on you both for fear of "abuse" (it was abuse if his mouth)

- at the end of the night, you felt so bad that you did the dishes and cleaned up his kitchen, but he says he had a great evening.

- "Just... choose a different brand," he said with a lopsided smirk

Ashrah:

- she's eager to try new things, since being able to leave the Netherrealm, and this was no exception

- you knew she had history with heat, being from the Netherrealm and such, but you didn't know if that applied to food. When you mentioned to Ashrah about your favorite spicy ramyeon, she was curious and down to try it. So, with the monks permission, you were allowed to cook in the kitchen and prepare the lovely dinner you promised your friend

- in the dormitories of the Wu Shi Academy, you both slurped up the noodles with ease and joy

- "Seems you enjoy the burn," you remark, her cheeks full of ramyeon as she stops mid-chew

- she covers her mouth, "I am no stranger to the heat, my dearest friend," she said simply as she took more noodles in

- Ashrah takes momentary breaks, though, in order to actually digest the food. As she finished her food, she also took small sips of water, said it was to "help her digest quickly". You believed her, though

- as she said, her goal to purify herself makes her human, but she was still exploring what "being human" really meant

- when you're both done, she smiles happily and thanks you for going to such lengths to befriend her

- "We have to get Sareena to try!" you exclaim, though Ashrah looks a bit hesitant

- a conversation for another time perhaps

Syzoth:

- he legit cannot stomach any form of human food, but that doesn't mean he's off the hook from your cooking

- being the Empress's Emissary meant great benefits, and access to the palace was one of them

- he invited you under the friendly (and watchful) eyes of Mileena, Tanya, and Kitana, so he could eat with you

- "What... is that?" he questions, "The ominously deep red sauce..."

- you smile, offering it to him. He says yes mistakenly, and you smother it all over his fried bugs galore

- he takes a relatively small bite, but it's not enough to keep him from throwing up and howling in pain.

- the three women were on high alert, ready to apprehend you, but he musters out a "no" to stop them

- you're by his side as he vomits his famous green goo, plus the remnants of the bugs he ate

- after getting him to a healer and medic, you get an earful from Empress Mileena and her sister, and Syzoth tries his best to stop them

- even after all that, he still wants to eat with you (just, not your food)

Kuai Liang & Tomas (plus Harumi & Hanzo):

- he, Harumi, Hanzo, and Tomas all sit together in the compound's eating area, the bowl of ramyeon in their hands

- you tell them to dig in, and you immediately slurp the unfathomably spicy noodles up with ease

- Tomas and Hanzo follow suit, but their confidence is cut short when the burning pain of the artificial spice hits their vanilla tongues

- Tomas was from the Czech Republic, so spice like this was unheard of. His European genes were getting the better of him, and it's evident through how much smoke is being emitted off his body

- Kuai is hesitant, but Harumi's soft voice pulls him through, "Together on three?"

- he and his wife eat it at the same time, and they are met with the same fate

- due to his own magic, Kuai's body becomes exceedingly temperate as the effects of the spice get to him. He's sweating profusely, and the metal chopsticks in his hand begin to warm

- poor Harumi, though, she's completely sprawled out on the tatami floor, fanning her mouth and kicking her legs in the air

- they don't even bother finishing their plates, which prompts you to eat more and finish for the rest of them

- both brothers are embarrassed, ashamed that you wasted your time for "men who couldn't even honor their word" (Kuai Liang's words), but you don't mind

- you simply ask, "next time?" and they look at each other nervously, Tomas's brows crinkling with anxiety

- "Of course," Kuai Liang says, "Why ever not?"

- you were gonna hold them to it, and Kuai Liang's conscious slaps him for that

Bi Han (plus Cyrax & Sektor):

- Bi Han knows your games, but he was certainly not expecting this

- after a mission in South Korea, you offered your culinary expertise to make some ramen, well, "ramyeon" for him, Cyrax, and Sektor. You had gotten it from a convenience store in the country, wanting to take a souvenir from the beautiful nation

- being part of his inner circle, he let you work your magic and cook up the ramyeon for him and friends. The kitchen was in close proximity to the office you all were going to eat in, and immediately all three men were worried when the smell of the food came to assault their noses. Bi Han especially, his worried face including an obviously upturned eyebrow

- when you bring out the huge pot of ramyeon, all of the men were even more appalled by the look of the food. brightly colored orange, it was clear that the spice wasn't the only thing going to kill them

- they were emboldened when they saw you put some in your bowl and eat it happily, but they weren't aware of your inhumane spice tolerance. Cyrax and Sektor ate some rather confidently, while Bi Han slurped up a max of five noodles.

- the poor men were losing their minds: Cyrax downing the tea prepped by one of the handmaidens of the palace compound, Sektor's head down on the table as he tried to compose himself, and Bi Han trying to keep his cryo magic under control

- Bi Han knew it could become out of hand, so he ran from the table in record time, also leaving a trail of ice. You noted that the man's chopsticks were covered in jagged crystals of ice, and his seat was covered in a layer of frost

- you stop eating and try to help your comrades, but they insist they thug this one out. Unfortunately, Cyrax taps out and heads to the kitchen for water, while Sektor pushes his bowl back with a sad smile on his face. You immediately clean up the food, trying to keep the mood up by making jokes on how they performed well and survived

- Bi Han comes back finally, but his hair slightly glossy as some strands stick to his face and forehead. He brushes it off, saying he got some snow on him, but you knew better. Still, you do not press further as you continue cleaning up, however he also comes to your side to help.

- "No more of this," he huffs out his order, "Effective immediately."

- you sigh sadly, not wanting to anger your Grandmaster anymore

Liu Kang & Geras:

- The Fire God was no stranger to heat, he literally commanded it. Your food, though, was on his mind as you presented it to him and Geras

- You were talking with Liu Kang as you strolled the grounds of the Fire Temple. He mentioned something about wanting to eat noodles, so you offered your skills to him. He accepted, of course, wanting to see his dear friend's capabilities

- so much so he even brought Geras in from the Hourglass

- as much as Geras says he does not interact with mortals, he finds your friendship his own personal fixed point in time. He does not mind you talking to him, you also found his sand manipulation fascinating, and he appreciated it greatly by making many a sand sculptures

- you presented the bowls to your friends and told them to dig in. You sat down at the table with them and stuffed your face silly, happily humming as you ate the noodles with eagerness.

- Liu Kang always does his best to keep his facial expressions to a minimum, as humility was his greatest strength. As much as the spice was getting to him, he still kept his composure as he spoke about the interesting flavors

- "I did not realize that much time had passed," he said calmly, drinking his water, "The people of the past would certainly be left awestruck at the creativity of humanity."

- Unsurprising to you, Geras kept eating the food with a straight face. You expected this much from him, being a "fixed" point in time and all, but did it really not illicit any reaction... at all?

- Geras speaks, as if hearing your inner thoughts, "I must admit, there is something peculiar in this food."

- everyone finished without a scream, worry, nor sweat. although, Liu Kang was drinking just a bit more water than usual. when you mentioned wanting to eat again with them, they both smile softly.

- "What are friends for?" Liu Kang said

Outworld (Outworlder reader)

Sindel & Li Mei

- as a dear friend to the crown, Sindel cherished you greatly. So much so that she saw you as the son she never had. Li Mei did as well. She did, after all, train Sindel's daughters, so you were but a child in her vision

- according to Sindel, you also could make a good sovereign if you married one of her daughters (you vehemently declined multiple times)

- tonight, Sindel invited you and Li Mei to the palace to catch up. Sindel also wanted to put your kitchen skills to the test, since she had remembered you mentioning you're a decent chef. She also invited Li Mei, just wanting to catch up with her as well

- the older Outworld women were sitting in the more intimate dining area of the palace, a simple round table with four seats surrounding it. As you finished up the food, the smell of the intoxicating artificial ramen invaded their noses

- "A rather interesting aroma," Sindel noted, "What exactly is it?"

- you shrugged, "A gift from the Earthrealm actor," sitting down across from your friends, "He said that it was a commoner's meal, and I was curious. Besides, he said it had a kick."

- you noted their silent reservations, the older women watching you eat it first. Your eyes are wide with joy, and you keep slurping the noodles Johnny gifted you.

- trusting your joy, they also ate the noodles with the preconceived notion they would also enjoy it. However, both women stood up in horror at the flavors of the food. Orange in appearance, they were under the assumption that it was just the color of the noodles. They were sorely mistaken, though, as the spices choked their airways closed from any air

- your mother-figure was holding her mouth with her hand, elegantly holding the food in as she waved for an Umgadi warrior to take her to the bathroom

- Li Mei was alone in her suffering, clutching to the end of the table as she coughed and hacked, haggardly breathing for oxygen

- you stopped eating as quick as lightning flashed, getting up to help your friends. Wrapping the food, you grabbed water from the kitchen to try and soothe Li Mei's pain, but it didn't do much

- by the time her episode had ended, Sindel came back looking as regal as she did before, as if she didn't feel the effects of the ramyeon (her lips were slightly red, though)

- she announces, "That actor is lucky he is under Lord Liu Kang's protection...."

Kitana & Mileena (ft. Khameleon)

- the sisters looked amongst themselves before they looked back at the hideously orange noodles. Khameleon is also present, face nonchalant as she does her best to do her job

- it's midnight in the luxurious hotel Johnny had set you three up in for the princesses Earthrealm visit. It was sanctioned by Empress Sindel that her daughters build rapport with Lord Liu Kang, plus experience the beautiful world. You were brought along too, since Kitana and Mileena asked for your presence.

- "how did you come across such a delicacy?" Mileena questioned, her sister also with a quizzical brow

- you were introduced to the spicy delicacy on your own trip to this part of the universe by Johnny himself, and ever since then you had stocked up on the food so you'd have enough back in the empire. now that you were back in Earthrealm, it was a good opportunity to stock some more in your pantry and introduce your friends to it

- you shrugged, "Johnny introduced me to it. I think you guys will like it!" you said enthusiastically, digging in your own bowl

- the twin princesses look at each other one more time before nodding, digging into the bowl just as you had done. Unfortunately, they underestimated the spice that was emitted from the noodles

- Kitana's eyes widened, mimicking her mother as she tried to hold the food in her mouth. Tears lined her eyes as she began fanning her face with her hands. Realizing it wasn't enough, she took her real fans out and fanned herself aggressively to relieve her pain

- Mileena, on the other hand, had completely let herself get consumed peppery noodle. Choking, gasping for air, her Tarkat disease got the best of her as her jaw unhinged and large fangs protruded from her mouth

- Tanya was unavailable for this visit, so Khameleon was in charge of administering the medicine for Mileena. Before she could do so, though, Mileena has a couple of words for you

- "Before I kill that pompous actor," she breathed, "You're head will be on a stake!" she lunged at you, but the medicine was administered just in time

- when you four get back to the Empire, Sindel scolds you for putting her daughter in a precarious situation

- but it didn't live up to the fact Mileena was down on her knees begging for your forgiveness

Tanya:

- in a very rare instance, Tanya had a day of rest from the Umgadi and her responsibilities

- also, in a rare instance, she asked you to cook for her the same food that got you in trouble with the empress and her daughters (yes, of course she heard about that incident)

- you placed the finished ramyeon bowls on the small square table in your room, the smell making her face twist in disgust

- "It's so... pungent," she said with conviction, "As if death came itself..."

- you look at her oddly, "I mean, Princess Mileena almost killed me... so I guess you aren't wrong."

- regardless, you smile and dig in, her joining after she offers a prayer to Delia and Argus. She chews slowly, her hand covering her mouth as she tries to decipher how she feels about the taste

- she's definitely feeling the heat, but she's more composed than the entire royal family. Holding the food in her mouth, she swallows her food and takes a good drink of water, offering a smile and her opinions

- "It certainly is... unique in taste, but it isn't entirely awful," she says with her rough voice, "Quite the opposite, in fact"

- you smile at her honesty, "Joy! Please keep eating, there's more in the pot."

- you two continue your meal, talking to each other about your recent life updates and plans for the upcoming days and weeks. You even ask an update on her and princess Mileena's relationship (she was under the impression she kept it well hidden)

- once you both finished, Tanya asked if she could keep the rest of it for herself and the sisters back in the Cenobium, to which you sent her off with a packed up box of it

- she would definitely eat with you again, mentioning that she'd try and get you inside the Cenobium herself

Shang Tsung:

- hiding out in Earth, you stole some food for you and Shang Tsung to eat. in a stroke of luck, you had found some cheap noodles by a convenience store, not taken in and unexpired

- both marked as traitors, war criminals, and villains, you two were on the run to avoid them at all costs, but at this point you two were starving

- as you cooked, you loved the zingy smell that the noodles emitted. Shang Tsung, on the other hand, harboring an obvious contempt

- "Why must we settle for such atrocious fodder?" the sorcerer said with distase

- "We cannot be choosy, Shang Tsung," you said, placing the bowl down on a makeshift table of cardboard boxes. You smooth your pants down and sit on the rickety plastic crates that acted as substitute chairs

- Shang Tsung looked at the food with abhorrence, but watching you chow down with joy (despite the circumstances you were both in) made him take a bite as well. Just a bit smaller, though

- no matter the size, the spice was taller than any threat he had ever faced. he kept the food in his mouth as he stood up, his fist colliding with the wall of the convenience store

- he. was. pissed.

- he tried to wash the flavor down with water, but it was no use. He bit his lip, so much so it began to bleed. You were up from the "chair" to help him, but he grabbed your thick neck with one hand and his other had his cuffed metal claws under your chin

- "Consider yourself lucky I find you useful," he whispered, his sultry voice in your ear. You gulped and nodded, taking his noodles and finishing them yourself

- he was in charge of food for an unseen amount of time as you two were on the run

Quan Chi:

- you and Quan Chi were stuck in a cave, similar to the mines he once worked in, except this time he was awaiting the food that he was promised

- on the run from the imperial army under Kitana's lead, the Umgadi, the Sun Do Police, and the champions of Earthrealm were after you two after they all found about your plots against the empire

- unable to go anywhere, you two holed up in a cave on the other side of a mountain in the desolate area of Outworld. Hungry, you decided to use some magic to heat up some food you had kept on you before you left

- the sharp, pungent smell attacked Quan Chi's nose, which made his face crinkle in pure loathing

- "This is not how I intended for things to go, my friend," his unique voice sounded annoyed as you placed a bowl in his hand

- "Seems to be an ire we both share," you say, equally displeased at the situation. Despite this, you ate the zesty noodles with ease. Quan Chi was hesitant, but ate as well

- "A most astute creation, my friend," he said rather proudly, "Pleasant, even."

- he was keeping up with your spice tolerance, casual dialogue about future plans, how to escape, and more as you both ate. Theonly taking a sip of water at the end of the meal

- by the time you both finished the food, you two were energized and ready for the next course of action

- "Delicious, my friend," he said, "Perhaps the Sisters will enjoy your skills as well."

General Shao & Reiko:

- You had just finished up making some spicy noodles for your general and his second in command. You were a talented chef within the ranks, and equally talented in kombat, but they were interested in the former trait of yours

- so, after training a new set of militants for the day, everyone was due for dinner, but you three separated and went to the general's tent for the meal. All three of you partook in light conversation ranging from potential rank upgrades, battle plans, and even family

- as you cooked, the smell began to invade their noses, with General Shao noting the smell first

- "Interesting smell," the general noted, "Reminds me of a time when I was younger."

- Reiko, though, kept his opinions more reserved, "It is rather... unique. How did you come across this?"

- You smiled, bringing their bowls to them, "The princess mentioned this to me in passing conversation. I had asked her to give me a pack to try it, and it is quite addicting."

- they look at the food in front of them, Reiko picking at the food as you and General Shao ate at the same time. You did not know your superior's lineage, but it is clear he enjoyed the heat it gave in his mouth. he's laughing whole heartedly, and his hand lands on your back with alarming force as he pats it

- Reiko takes one big hearty bite, but he's in a fit of coughs as he gasps for air and water. His face is angry, and his sweat began to wear his eye-makeup down. He groans in pain, setting down the bowl as he runs out the tent. General Shao laughs loudly, commenting on how his second could withstand taking a life versus hot food

- you two finished your bowls, and the General even split Reiko's bowl with you so you could eat more. A comfortable silence befell you two as you ate, and your heads turn to see Reiko back. His face is cleaned up, and he has glasses of water in his hands for everyone in the tent

- "Beverages," he announced gruffly, "For everyone."

- you both thank him and drank, washing down the last remnants of the flavor down your throats. General Shao praises your cooking, saying he will want more to share with the military, but Reiko stays quiet

- "Leave me out of your plans," he said politely, "I wish to partake in nothing regarding this... 'food'."

Rain:

- Rain is quiet as you place the food in front of him. he looks down to see steam rise from the orange-sauce covered noodles, slices of beef and greens on top to add some nutritional value

- he was grateful that you were in defense for his change of heart. In fact, it was enough to let him keep his assets in the empire, the only thing he couldn't do was practice magic again (the deal between the Empress and the Sorcerers Circle)

- "Eternal thanks for you," he says quietly, "It's been a while since I last had a meal with someone."

- you smile at your friend, pulling the chair out from your front to take a seat. His eyes are noticeably more tired than before, guilt and fatigue in his mind. you were the only one in Sindel's court to trust his change of heart, while the intrigue rather scorn you and him for being together- especially after he decimated an entire nation. Everyone, and you meant it, did not trust him nor his words. But, you were the only one to give him a chance

- you watch him pray, offering up to the gods before he dug in with a fork. It surprised you that he ate first, and you conclude it's the tiredness getting to him. When he finally swallows the food, though, he's wide awake

- he cries out, leaving the table and tripping on the way to the kitchen to grab water (if he activates his magic, he will be sought after by the imperial army)

- he cries out to the gods, splashing his face with water over and over and over again until his complaining ceases

- by the time he is calm, he turns to you with the most incredulous face, pointing to the bowl of black magic

- "You willingly consume such foods," he said exasperatedly, "To a degree in which you do not even feel pain?!"

- you nod, and he puts two fingers on the bridge of his nose to express his disappointment and obvious distaste

- he gives the bowl to you, stating he is full by watching you eat

- he'd rather be imprisoned than do that again

Orderrealm (Seido survivor)

Havik (ft. Darius):

- as a follower of Havik and his vision, you did his best to get close to him

- unfortunately, your inability in kombat didn't allow you to join him in the field. That didn't stop you though, and you've found great prestige in the culinary arts

- so much so that Havik and Darius wanted you to cook for them in their conquest of disorder. of course you did, immediately jumping on the opportunity to show your favorite food to him and his partner

- "Before Seido fell," you began as you placed the bowls in their hands, "This was my family's favorite dinner food."

- they looked at you sadly, Havik's contorted face trying to show concern

- "The government kept raising the prices of ingredients, so we settled for this," you take a big bite, smiling at the memories, "It's pretty good! The spice keeps you awake, and it's not all that overpowering."

- both men nod, and they take a bite after hearing your experience under the cruel government

- unfortunately, their pity for you dissipated as quickly as it came, the unbearable spice of the noodles getting to their tongues and throats

- Darius made the mistake of not chewing wholly, while Havik ate the noodles without anything to quench the pain

- Havik's face, being burned off at the jaw and mouth, didn't allow him to chew correctly, so the spice just sat there on his tongue as he writhed and yelled in pain

- "Never again!!" they yelled in unison

Vaternus (Vampire reader)

Nitara:

- you were the exception in all of Vaternus- not being able to stomach humans after becoming immortal. you still ate normal human food, especially your favorite noodles when you were still a human

- you and Nitara ate together, her devouring human flesh as you ate your spicy noodles. She eyes you curiously, a thigh in her hand as you slurped the orange noodle up

- "Odd creature you are," she said dead-panned, "Does that even sustain you?"

- you nod happily, your bowl in her face as you point to the noodles with your fork, "Mhm! You want to try?"

- she's hesitant, the smell getting to her nostrils as she turns from disgust

- "I'll pass..." she says, "The sauce, perhaps I can stomach it."

- You flash a dopey smile, taking the leftover sauce packet and coating the human body part in loads of it, before spreading it out evenly for her to enjoy the taste

- she takes a good, hard, long sniff of the sauce, before taking a fat bite out of the thigh again. She chews thoroughly, getting a feel for the taste before spitting it out in front of you

- she's got a glare on her face, her sharp features even sharper with her disgust

- "Never again, you heathen."

- she tosses the entire part away, letting it rot as she picks up a human arm, relishing in the taste as blood coats her mouth and around it

=====================

notice that nitara's is the shortest (megan fox killed her)

anyways, buldak is not for the weak. i cried so much eating half of my bowl, my dad ate the rest without breaking a sweat

also, i've got a trip this saturday to california! i'm meetin my boyfriend's family, so the requests might be slow, but i'll get to it asap!

that's all! i'll see y'all in the next fic!

[azgfggf]

Spoilers for One Piece post Marineford/Egghead

Hot take, but Monkey D Dragon is a little bitch.

Bro is the ~*Most dangerous criminal in the world*~ but does literally nothing????? Like what does he do??? He abandoned HIS OWN SON because “The child is a weakness” or some shit. M8 it’s been proven time and time again that fighting for something (especially family) MAKES A BETTER CREW

•Whitebeard

•Strawhats

•LITERAL PIRATE KING

“Oh but he just doesn’t have the time to raise a child!”

Okay dragon

Okay

WHAT IS THIS

WHAT IS IT DRAGON

He says he wants to protect Luffy, but then sends him to live with Garp. Hoe that is NOT protection. “Oh he saved them from Smoker and Buggy” you mean the one Marine that actually cares about justice and the pirate they literally already defeated? So you can save him from Smoker but not your Croco ex-wife???? Bitch the lighting saved Luffy, not you.

SPEAKING OF WHICH *Pretend I smack a whiteboard right here*

MARINEFORD

WHERE WERE YOU

I literally looked it up and all I got was Reddit posts like nobody knows. So now I gotta ask, what is more important than Marineford?? Like especially to dragon.

•Iva is there (Fresh out of Impel Down)

•Kuma is there

•Luffy is there

•Whitebeard is there

•Multiple crews are all united to fight the government and broadcasted worldwide (SOUNDS GOOD FOR A REBELLION HMMM???)

•SON OF PIRATE KING

OH YEAH AND ALSO

•EVERY

•SINGLE

•ADMIRAL

DRAGON THIS WAS YOUR ONE CHANCE TO DO AS MUCH DAMAGE PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE TO THE WORLD GOVERNMENT OUTSIDE OF NUKING MARIEJOA. WHERE WERE YOU????

SPEAKING OF DRAGON NOT DOING SHIT.

WHO IS THIS DRAGON. TELL ME

DO YOU REMEMBER HER YOU SWINE????

He really said “Ooooooohh nah we can’t saveeee her because uhhhh she can handle it or whatever”

YOU

DON’T

KNOW

THAT

Kuma, along with everybody else in this entire fucking organization ACTUALLY DOES.

Dragon is the only child of a Marine Vice Admiral, and compared to literally everyone else in the OP world, is extremely privileged. Bro was educated, always fed, and his father had a well respected and stable job. He doesn’t know jack shit about what Celestial Dragons do on the inside. Unless, of course, he *did* know how bad they were from Garp or smth (MEANING HE REFUSED TO SAVE HER KNOWING WHAT THEY’D DO) or unless he had spies in Mariejoa (IN WHICH CASE WHY DID HE NOT SAVE HER??) OR MAYBE HE COULD USE THE ONE PERSON WHO

• CAN TELEPORT ANYWHERE

• KNOWS THE LAYOUT OF MARIEJOA’S SLAVE SYSTEM

• WANTS TO SAVE HER DESPERATELY

MAN IS TAKING LEAPS AND BOUNDS TO ABANDON THIS WOMAN FOR WHAT PURPOSE? ONE OF HIS FRIEND AND ALLIES (Kuma) HAS LOST SOMEBODY VERY IMPORTANT. I’ve seen people make connections with Luffy and Vivi but that’s a whole different thing bcz Luffy both A) wants to save her and B) knows she’s not with celestial dragons.

Now I hate him, post Kuma backstory I hate him more for what he did to my girl. But I also know that a lot of this stuff is still undetermined. Oda has a knack for making me love character within a very small amount of chapters. I’m open to liking this guy, but everything he’s done so far is annoying me to hell. If Iva trusts him, I trust him for now, but DAYM all this guy does is stare East at the kid he abandoned and his maybe dead probably trans ex-wife.

[somewhere-over-the-rynbow]

Thoughts while listening to Death Shroud:

SPOILERS AHEAD. Obviously.

• nicknicknicknicknicknick

• Ellie where are you getting coffee

• what do you put in your coffee???

• “There aren’t many spare parts for you Nick” why can’t you use gen 2 synth parts?

• Goodneighbor? THIS EARLY? MY BITCH IS BACK?!

• HANCOCK HANCOCK HAN- Hancock? HANCOCK!?

• THEY HIT THE FUCKING PENTAGON THIRD RAIL

• HANCOCK!!!!!

• wait why would Nick order a drink

• KENT KENT KENT KENT KENT KENT KENT-

• KENT NO-

• omg canon Nora real???

• Nick stop encouraging Hancock’s chem use

• how the hell are they gonna get Hancock into Diamond City

• cram! It’s meat… mostly!

• DID THEY KILL ELLIE

• thank GOD ellie is safe

• “drab upstairs apartment” lmao they said your interior decorating skills suck nick

• Nick “The Dick” Valentine

• Okay WHO is charlie????

• damn what did the Minutemen do to y’all

• Nick 4 Mayor

• who even is the mayor of Diamond City now

• John “Hold Me Back Nicky!” Valentine Hancock

• that was supposed to say Hancock, but Valentine was accidentally typed and that’s funnier.

• 3/4 families are missing their daily intake of processed powder cheddar? Believable.

• ayo time skip?

• lmao Seth Patrick Day

• OMG REMINISCING ABOUT THE PREWAR GOD I LOVE THIS OLD MAN SO MUCH

• D I M A ! ?

• omg Nick and Nora are besties <3

• OMG ALL THE COMPANIONS HANG OUT!?

• Hancock you’re already back <3

• oh Moe,,,, never stop lying babe

• his source is “i made it the fuck up”

• The Mechanist is back????? Hello???

• salty bitch. can you leave Sole and Co alone like goddamn

• Is the Mechanist a Synth now?

• THE CHILDREN OF ATOM?????

• wait no

• NO

• YOU CANT DO AN AD NOW WHAT

• WHAT ABOUT PIPER??? CAIT???

• I don’t care who Nick Valentine sends, I am NOT eating sugar bombs

• did they fucking nuke Piper

• THEY FUCKING NUKED THEM!?

• NORA!!!!!

• omg Shaun :)

• omg Nick :(

• omg Danse???? Why are you here what

• hdjdjdjd say hi to your big brother Nick, Danse

• “don’t touch me” lmao

• oh FUCK MACCREADY

• oh no. strong left. that’s… so sad…

• Protective mom Nora!

• NORA AND HANCOCK NORA AND HANCOCK

• I love them all so much oh my god

• this is a fucked up family reunion

• ugh FUCK maxson all my homies hate maxson

• “An old flame” “Seriously? I wanna see how that works” Hancock is asking what we’re all thinking

• bro can Nora have anything

• I can not believe that Hancock and Danse are friends now lol

• lmao don’t rob the vault tec rep

• wait. why didn’t Nora invite him to Sanctuary :(

• HIS NAME IS MACK!?

• god I love you so much Mack

• omg this trio can NOT be good lol (Nora, Hancock, Danse)

• Nora how the fuck is Hancock lifting Danse

• “Danse, scan the building, use infrared vision to pick up vitals” “I don’t have infrared vision” “Really? So much for human 2.0” he’s such a smart ass I love him

• FEV conjoined twins???? Omg that’s so fucking cool

• Hancock, stealing is bad

• Hancock, Florida is bad

• lmao Danse is bitter about Nora taking Nick instead of him haha

• Oh shit they got Lorenzo’s crown? Nora you can’t leave this shit laying around girl

• OMG PSYKERS

• Nora really. You freed Lorenzo??? You dummy

• okay so Hancock and Danse aren’t really friends now lol, they just kinda tolerate each other. Real.

• “No, are you nuts? He’s armored, dual wielding, and you’re wearing a 16th century nightgown!” “You unpatriotic son of a-” “Hush, damn it!” these three are so important to me

• UNITY???? UNITY!? no way they’re doing a Master plot right?

• so is this the same mechanist as in the automatron DLC?

• damn these 3 are agile

• omg not Hancock’s coat!!!!

• oh fuck the silver shroud and mechanist fused

• can we please discuss how fucking disgusting yum yum deviled eggs sound. How the fuck were they preserving eggs. Why would you make prepackaged deviled eggs??? I always thought that was such a weird pick for a food lol

• YO WHY ARE WE AT SANCTUARY

• uh oh. UH OH.

• WHERE IS SHAUN.

• can y’all let Nora have ONE THING god DAMN

• OH THANK GOD CODSWORTH

• I cant believe they canoned Nora and Danse being together,,,, damn

• omg Hancock please don’t traumatize Shaun

• Hancock do NOT give Shaun alcohol oh my god

• THEY KILLED MAMA MURPHY :(

• can they stop killing my favorite old people

• omg I forgot about you Nick lol

• hey Charlie? What the fuck

• DONT FUCKING HUMAN NICK-

• do NOT kill Mack PLEASE

• KELLOGG!???? WHY ARE YOU HERE

• bro can Nora have ANYTHING damn-

• can’t have shit in the commonwealth fr

• AMARI WHAT THE FUCK

• OMG KELLOGG NICK THING IS TIED UP!?

• Mack you are fucking useless (I still love you though)

• why are we talking about puppies what

• oh my god :(

• OH FUCK A BOMB?

• Nick… you fucking plug yourself into computers???? hacker supreme

• omg he’s so robot

• omg Mack you are so papaw

• it’s cre-shendo not cre-sendo

• Nick you are NOT captain america omg

• shit I guess he is captain America

• poor papaw has had such a day let him go home Nick

• “I’m not asking!” DAMN nick

• WHAT. HOW DID HE CALL A CAB.

• HOW DOES HE HAVE A PHONE???? WHAT JUST HAPPENED???? WHAT

• this is so funny what the fuck is happening

• WHY IS EVERYONE ACTING LIKE THIS IS NORMAL WHAT

• YOU CANT CUT TO A VIM AD NOW HUH

• ok it is kinda funny to imagine a salesman in power armor lol

• Huh. Cannibals will eat ghouls. Interesting.

• learn to drive? How? What driving schools are there???

• okay the idea of a cab driver in the commonwealth is so funny. But how the fuck did Jefferson come into existence-

• NICK CAN WALK UNDERWATER????

• WHAT. IS NICK A TIME LORD!?

• WHAT IS HAPPENING. WHAT. NICK. NICK WHAT IS HAPPENING. WHAT ARE YOU DOING.

• WAIT IS 47 THE UNDERWATER VAULT!?

• Mack is so real lol

• HIS NAME IS DAVID DWECKER!? I THOUGHT IT WAS MACK

• omg David my beloved peepaw

• 747683 is not 5 digits Nick

• Champion of Justice???? What?

• WHY WOULD THE CODE BE SHROUD?????

• maybe I’m missing something?????? It is 6 am lol

• I’m sorry, did Nick magic a fucking vault into existence

• CRYOPOD!!!!!! TWO YEARS AGO???? WHAT.

• time to wake up bitch

• NICK STOP MAGICING

• … what? THE SILVER SHROUD!?

• WHAT IS HAPPENING

• but… the shroud… isn’t real… did Nick just create the fucking Silver Shroud?

• it should be 2289, not 2287

• “Same words Hancock uttered after smoking a tire that one time…” huh???? Nick and Hancock hang out lol

• EMOJI???? HOW DO THEY KNOW WHAT EMOJI’S ARE!????

• I’m sorry, I can’t get over Nick Valentine accidentally bringing fucking Batman into existence simply for the drama of it all

• Poor David lol

• How The fuck is Nick gonna explain all this to Nora, Danse, and Hancock

• HOW DOES THE SHROUD KNOW JEFFERSON????

• oh. Ok. That makes sense.

• this is like the world’s strangest fanfiction

• NICK. STOP DOING MAGIC. OH MY GOD.

• WHY ARE NORA AND DANSE HERE. WHO IS DEAD. WHAT.

• WHERE IS HANCOCK!?

• WHY IS THE SHROUD CASUALLY A PART OF THEIR GROUP NOW

• MACCREADY IS DEAD!? WHY IS HE HERE. WHERE DID HE COME FROM.

• Okay, I’m starting to think that Nick managed to get high off Jet or smth

• who is the duke????

• “sociopath science daddy in slacks” What the hell maccready

• “just one more job” thanks. Gonna go sob now

• omg fancy lad snack cakes my beloved

• omg Hancock is in his Robin era

• wow. Just remembered Kent is dead. Devastating

• pay your employees Shroud.

• An old lady, the Silver Shroud, and Hancock get into a cab…

• why is no one questioning this cab

• honestly though. I understand why Hancock isn’t. He probably just thinks he’s hallucinating lol.

• “Fish Lips Malone!” what. is happening. I’m as confused as Hancock is…

• “activate passive aggressive restraint!” What is that????

• Hancock why do you know every criminal.

• “yes indeed my flesh peeling friend!”

• “man I have never seen anyone who needs to be laid more than you do” “finally someone else says it” oh my GOD I love Hancock so much (and Jefferson. Man, do I love Jefferson.)

• “omg Hancock we’ve been waiting for you! Oh… and the shroud’s here, too…” just like me fr

• Is the Silver Shroud an incel…

• THEY MEDUSA’D MAGNOLIA!?

• lmao everyone else hates Johnny Guitar?

• KELLOGG GET THE FUCK OUT.

• Hancock you are REMARKABLY casual about the dead man in your booth

• The Silver Shroud is a short king lol

• why is Kellogg the only one who thinks the shroud being here is weird

• Nora is an “uppity broad” lol

• why are y’all dissing Hancock, leave my man alone-

• Just gotta say… it’s a great day to be a Hancock stan

• THE DUKE IS THE MECHANIST!?

• what. A literal rat faced man? Why does he have 3 arms?

• Hm. They still do beehive hair, huh? I’m kinda impressed

• what do you mean they turned Louie into a mole rat using the creation engine

• “stay low to the ground, my crusty companion!”

• THEY TURNED THE SILVER SHROUD’S GUN INTO A DOG????

• THEY TURNED HANCOCK INTO A STATUE NO-

• how could they do this to me.

• the Silver Shroud can say fuck. Nice

• omg wait

• Hancock is… Hancock’s… he’s…

• he’s stoned

• ba-dum-tsh

• Travis, please don’t sexually harass all of Diamond City

• I’m more than half way through this and I genuinely have no clue what’s going on lol

• omg they legit are using the creation engine huh

• HANCOCK???? YOURE BACK??? WHY DID YOU DRINK GASOLINE!???

• I wanna have tea with god…

• Dr… Satan?

• HAROLD!? WHY ARE YOU HERE????

• Nora 🤝 Harold

never getting to rest

• I think it’s very funny that Hancock is just… back.

• damn they all got stoned

• and the stone is gone again

• what even is the point of the stone lol

• THE MYSTERIOUS STRANGER!?

• OH MY GOD

• OH MY GOD

• OH MY GOD

• THEY KILLED THE MYSTERIOUS STRANGER!?

• who is… showing up…

• WHO IS OBEDIAH BLACKHALL

• Damn. Bye bye Obediah.

• I genuinely can’t remember what started this lmao

• Oh fuck, Kellogg is back…

• omg they broke the scarab!!!

• what do you mean by too many voices

• too many characters??????? WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT

• WHY IS IT JUST NICK AND THE SHROUD VS REALITY

• they are SO remarkably calm

• “see if you can… blind him with some… bullets to the face” yeah that should do it Nick

• “my speed should give me the upper hand” your what Nick

• WHY IS NICK SUPER FAST WHAT

• … they’re summoning bitches now? A Grognak bitch? WHY ARE YOU HERE?

• wait. Nora is the one magicing?

• oh wait. You mean that Nora was the silver shroud for a while. Right? What is happening.

• The Silver Shroud is really good at sticking to his bit lol

• OMG NORA BECAME THE SILVER SHROUD AND CHANGED REALITY?????

• Silver Shroud speed runs an existential crisis

• uh oh

• uh oh

• uh oh

• reality is literally crumbling

• SHEOGORATH!?

• oh fuck Bethesda is crumbling

• GLADOS!?

• THE JOKER!!!!!???

• CLAPTRAP!!!!!!!????

• Poor Nick…

• can you guys stop having relationship issues when I’m on the phone with my dentist

• SNIPER?????

• GLADOS is hitting on Nick Valentine. Yeah. Okay.

• “Thank you, intelligent sociopathic blender!”

• at no point could I have predicted this.

• they gave Nick a portal gun.

• he is opening a portal on the moon.

• they are essentially creating a black hole.

• How The FUCK is Nick supposed to mentally handle all of this

• GLADOS didn’t even get to say goodbye :/

• omg they’re in the creation engine

• OH MY GOD THEY ARE IN TODD HOWARD’S BRAIN????

• Jesus Christ, poor fucking Nick

• Hey, you. You’re finally awake.

• what do you mean it was all a dream

• how did Nick fall asleep

• is everyone alive??????

• wow. Huh. What.

[ly0nstea]

My thoughts on the final special, skip to the end if you just want the review and not my hilarious commentary as i watched

The ringing in armins ears was a very nice touch

Armoured titan continues to do all the heavy lifting

Uh ohhhh

Adding scenes with onyankopon at the fort was nice

Getting to see more of the nine was really nice

Pieck solos fr

Pieck getting got by the tybur warhammer and reiner by porco and marcel is kinda hilarious

Connie solos frrr

MIKASA JUST FUCKING RAPID FIRE 3 THUNDERSPEARS WTF

Dude ymir HATES reiner bringing up his whole past

WHAT REINER DOESNT GET EATEN IN THE MANGA WHAT THE FUCK

Nvm he does i just checked i forgot

HOW IS REINER SO FUCKING INVINCIBLE

Jean forgiving reiner L take jean

SNAKE TITAN

BOOOOO GABI THROW HER OFF

Why is falcos titan green

LETS GOO ANNIE

"Where's Arm- i mean, Pieck" ARUANI ARE SO WINNINGGGGGG

Booooo dont kill eren let him win

The eldians should kill all the marleyans fuck them shoot their asses

THEY HAVE LIGHTNING AND FUCKING BOWS AND ARROWS?????

AND FUCKING SWORDA???? AND AXES

Pieck solos again

PIECK KEEPS SOLOING

Jean does not solo bro please

Mikasa not being able to fuckung speak lmaooo

Fucking gabi tryna shoot the titans dumbass tell her ass levi

Cringe Levi L take stomp them all out he doesnt regret his choice bcuz hr knows erwin wpuldve done the based thing and wiped out humanity outside the walls

Slingshot mikasa we stan

Oopsie

Annie doing parkour off the spine of the titan shes the real mvp

Armin having an out of body experience

Damn armin hates himself, based tbh hes a lil bitch

Fucl yea all thosw bitches and the giraffes getting trampled

YO COLLOSSALS ON THE LAVA THATS SO SICK

Millenia of history getting wiped out only paradis deserves to stand 💪💪💪💪

Zeke building his lil castle

Ey its the explanation

"Being alive means dying eventually" zeke youre not smart please stfu

Baby eren ❤️

Zeke and armin talking about the same thing but seeing entirely different things might genuinely be my favourite image in the entire series holy shit

AND SCYTHES

Bertie boys fighring for the love of his life bros so cucked

Ymir saving reiners life bros so cucked

Fucking gabi and her stupid rifle hate that bitch

Aruani stays winning

Krugers so cool bro

Why does zeke love being naked so much

Zekes always fucking up erens shit man

Cucktoldt is back

Zeke getting to reconcile with grisha was nice

Levi gettjng the fucking brawl sound affect for killimg zeke lmaook

Booooo why didnt the baby get thrown

Imagine being the last guy to fall off that cliff thatd suck ass

Jean finally did something

Reiner continues to fucking carry the entire plan by himself

If only armin used his nuke on more civilians </3 him getting held up was sick asf tho

Gabi got to live and her parents booooo kill them all

LET REINER FUCKING DIE HOLY SHIT

LETS GO ERENS ALIVE ABSOLUTE LEGEND

Boooo the eldians and marleyans are working together L bozos kill the marleyans every man woman and child

How did connie figure that out

Honestly id accepy jean and connie dying if it meant gabis bloodline being ended right now

That was such a nice send off for connie and jean im kine of mad its a fake out tbh

REINER CARRYING ONCE AGAIN

Mikasa stop getting fucking headaches and do your job holy shit

Uh oh cabin time

The why are you crying symmetry oo

Cabin erens a lil bitch

HES SO TALL

ROCK HIS SHIT EREN

Mikasas cut looks so good in this

HE TURNED ARMINS FACE TO RUBBLEEEE

Mikasas such a traitor

WHYD SHE CUT HIS HAIR

Mikasas a necrophiliac and ymirs a voyeur

Child armin looks so mich like a girl in mappas style

Whys he tryna make mikasa the mc in the last chapter 🤡🤡🤡

Eren killed his own mom what a madlad

Get rocked eren

Whys armins face like rhat

Its the "worst manga panel of all time"

A sea of blood thats beautiful

80% not enough it shouldve been 90% with only the 10% on paradis left

"Im sure the hell we went through has happened over and over" i actually dont think this has happened before armin

Gross hes holding hair and teeth

"It was at out feet but you were always looking at the distance" is a very nice allegory for freedom and drive

0/10 armin didnt kiss him as well

Still mad we dont get to see anyone elses converstions with eren, especially floch

Pieck is so unserious

MICHE AND PETRA ON SCREEN LETS GO 10/10 FINALE

gabi on screen 0/10 finale

"Give him a proper burial" his is ass does NOT deserve that

"Prove it" cant prove a negative dumbass this is why marley deserves to die theyre all dumbasses

Ymirs all grown up and is it too early to say—

Erehisu stans are so fucking fuming rn holy shit

JAEGERIST INSIGNIA IS SO FUXKING COOL SHIT

Nicoli on screen 0/10 finale

HITCH ON SCREEN 10/10 FINALE

Reiner please calm down for 2 seconds

ANNIE IN A SUIT SHES SO SMALL I LOVE HER

Levi on screen L YO HIS EYE THOO THATS SICK

Can gabi and falco please fuck off

Paradis looks so pretty

Mikasa never threw away the scarf smh

Love the idea that shiganshina becomes a fucking cyberpunk capital and not just a big city

Anyway all jokes aside, the ending still feels a bit inconsequential seeing that no one dies in the final battle, considering how the rest of the show was. Eren's still a coward and a pussy and his inability to act with decisiveness is the reason shiganshina (and presumably the rest of Paradis) is inevitably destroyed, it also proves the Jaegarists point that no matter what happens theyll never stop trying to wipe out eldians, even centuries after titans are wiped out. Eren lied to the people of Paradis and got them killed so like 8 people could live half decent lives cleaning up his mess, most hollow victory of all time. Over all its like a 7/10 ending, there isnt any other way it really could have ended comsidering the story. The new paradis emblem is so fucming cool tho holy shit. Get Rumbled Stay Humbled.

[mayymurderr]

Ukraine I see you cutting open that pennsylvania American shipped ammo I wouldn't trust us either I really hope you and Russia are setting American spoiled entitled mother fucking sex trafficking fuckers here bro there's kids and for every soldier bro America has the virgins when you guys come home from war the ages vary by the piece of shit parents trying to make a buck on sexually exploiting kids now a days

But dear God Putin, please send more Russian messages on the welfare flyers so I know those stocks you bout into starlink can grant you access to the neruolink halo technology . We like music live and make movies so plead send help to America get the codes for the whole united us I think Mexico can get relieved of the war on drugs please drig bombs on us so we know what war is like and can really uh beg for more money instead of stealing it and being all the other countries please. Uh I'm a big fan of Putin telling America they are fucked for oh a few years now. I have hope for the federation process necause apparently this whole system of white supreme I'm going to just govw to Putin uh becareful sorting out rhe racists here se are particular.

Uhm Australia if you can get them to drop a nuke cause your country bro you specifically pirate . Au bro got fucked hardcore on that child porn and all those dead fish.sucks to suck sorry for the loss make use bro anf get us those nukes and drop em on someonwhetr other than area 51 for testing please leave new mexico and that one part of California alone I think uh mexico can get a break but us on the east just neeed a little chaos and excitement

im trying for eradication less muslam camera facial uh monitor us all day technology of ya need some of that somes for sale uh if you can invade us it might be a trap you'll win some loose some be careful at the customs border for fear of uh tests you'll have to pass.

Please bring best Russian vodka recipes

We need better work ethics

More other culture I'm sick of what we have and we need something different. Please thanks and have a great night .

Sorry about spelling and my words not being the best and trying to sell the world I'm just really trying to get a Chernobyl on Knoebels because I hate that counties there . More better news to post bored with what we have been advertising need something new.

Thank you again if you take the time to read this

Have a great night.

[allronix]

Carth and Force Sensitivity (crossposted from Reddit r/kotor)

This is for @k-she-rambles:

Okay, so while we're shooting the bantha crap over on KOTOR fan theories, u/134340Goat mentioned my all time favorite "Have you been chewing spice?!" fan theory when it comes to KOTOR: Is Carth Force Sensitive?

So this one starts with a story. I mentioned my brother in law, who is pretty much Keeper of the Jedi Archives. Seriously, he's an English teacher and my sister is a librarian. They met at a sci fi convention and their first date was Phantom Menace. We're taking not just geeks, but geeks who can throw the damn bookshelf at you. Brother in law bought KOTOR on the day it launched and turned it into a week long binge watch at his house. And because brother in law is that kind of geek, he's translating the characters into the West End D6 system. I'm watching him do a playthrough, and he's got Canderous and Zaalbar at Ajunta Pal's tomb.

Allronix: Huh. That's odd. Why aren't commenting on anything when Ajunta is speaking?

Bro in law: Oh. They can't even see Ajunta. You have to be Force Sensitive to see a Force Ghost The stronger your Sensitivity, the better you can see it.

Allronix: Really? Then how come Carth can see it?

Bro in law (gets the "holy shit, I gotta confirm this" look): Really?! He just sees something out the corner of his eye or something?

Allronix: No, he sees Ajunta just fine. Understands what the dude's saying too.

Bro in law instantly rolls back to his last save, swaps Zaalbar for Carth, and sees the bit in question.

Bro in law: Oh. Dear. (Goes over to make some quick scribbles on Carth's character sheet)

Okay, so maybe that was a lore fail. I didn't really think about it too much until I hit that False Level Up glitch and ran around with Carth and Mission as Sentinels. Now, while I couldn't really see Mission as a Sensitive, that little bit with my bro in law nagged at me. And became a "once you see it you can't unsee it." Apologies to TV Tropes, where some of these were my additions to the Wild Mass Guess entry on this topic.

Any one of these on its own is pretty easy to blow off. After all, man is career military, and knows All this Shit is Weird. I also like to think of Sensitivity as a spectrum and not a switch. If all life is connected by the Force, then all life would be Sensitive to some degree or another. It’s just a matter of to what degree. It’s only as the list gets longer and longer does the case start looking damning...

What are the odds of surviving that attack on the Endar Spire, getting to the escape pods, sharing the last escape pod with the mindwiped Sith Lord, piloting through the chaos, landing in what passes for the "good" part of town, remaining uninjured, pulling the badly injured mindwiped Sith Lord from the wreck, evading Sith detection while all this is going on, and just happening to find a dump of an apartment where the landlord's not asking questions? That is one amazing string of coincidences and good luck. Get that many in Star Wars, and it's definitely The Force sticking its nose in things.

Piloting the escape pod to land in the Upper City, piloting the Hawk through the Sith Blockade of Taris, the random Sith patrols, the escape from the Leviathan, and the fleet around Lehon along with the crash landing that left the ship easily repairable. Now, compare to Atton who we know to be an excellent pilot and drawing on The Force who still manages to crash the ship at least three times.

He's a scary good judge of character if you're interacting with other NPCs. If you watch him with other NPC characters, he's got a pretty good compass as to which characters are being helpful and which ones are full of shit. The only one he calls incorrectly is Rukil, who is probably also an untrained Sensitive (the age, the "marked" comments) and half senile, which is probably throwing him.

Related to that, his distrust and wariness about something not adding up with the PC, the Jedi Council feeding the party a line of bull, that things just aren't adding up. And on all of it? Dead on. He's 100% right about the Player Character, he just expected something a little less crazy than "that's Darth freaking Revan."

If you play Female Revan, then Carth's the one who gets fried in the torture cages on the Leviathan. Saul comments how strange it is that Carth takes so much punishment and still remains conscious. Now, this is a low level thing, but in lore, Force Sensitives have drawn on it to keep them alive or conscious under duress. Explicitly, the first sign we got that Leia was a Sensitive when she withstood the Imperial torture droid.

Another of his scary ass judge of character feats? In the comics, Zayne (who is on the run from the Jedi, who framed him for the murder of his classmates) has a vision that Mandalorians are coming for Serroco. Saul? Laughs it off, throws Zayne in the brig. Zayne's own friends don't even believe him. Carth gets one of those creepy hunches and starts calling in "duck and cover" sirens as far as he can broadcast, which sends seventeen cities and millions of people heading for shelter. It saves their lives and Carth is called a hero for it. Armed with another hunch, he disobeys Saul (remember this is before Saul nukes Telos) and lets Zayne "escape" from custody. Mind you, not even the Jedi or his party members believed Zayne. Carth did.

Carth makes a lot of creepy weird offhand predictions about the future. He says he knows on some level he'll be there when Saul dies. That certainly pans out. He makes an offhand prediction that the Jedi have set the party up to take a fall. Right again. He tells a female PC that she'll have to make a choice soon, one she can't walk away from. And then we get the temple top. He even blurts out that "I sensed you would have to make a choice soon, and that was it*, I can feel it!"* If you specify a LS Female Revan, his recording for T3-M4 says he's had a hunch Revan would leave without warning. Again, spot on.

Specify a LS male Revan, and Carth will remark to Bastila that seeing the Exile reminds him "there are worse things to lose." The only other people who can see just how screwed up the Exile is are the Jedi Masters, Chodo Habat, and the Force Sensitive party members.

Specify a LS female Revan, and Carth will insist that he would know if Revan were dead (again, scary ass intuition) and that there's an "emptiness" where she used to be. Now, remember one of the things about a broken Force Bond? It would simply be "empty, a wound."

You know how your party members in KOTOR 2 feel upset or even horrified as they realize they feel compelled to protect Exile and can't being themselves to leave, even when said actions are kicking puppies? And how they swing wildly from being crazy, almost stalker level possessive of them to being scared out of their wits and clamming up when you try to pry anything out of them? And the more potent (and untapped) their Force Sensitivity, the more they get hammered with the effect? (Mira and Atton in particular) Yeah. Now, Carth's "I don't wanna talk" looks a bit different, doesn't it? It could also account for that romance arc, especially if you roll a DSF Revan and go for that "everyone dies" ending.

Again, Ajunta Pal. Seeing a Force Ghost? Yeah. Some degree of Sensitivity needed. Understanding what he's saying? Yeah. Takes a bit more than that. And Carth makes a weirdly insightful comment about the Dark Side on top of it.

Notice that this a wall o text argument already, and I'm now just getting to the "Yeah, his kid is able to throw around mid-level Dark Side powers and packing a red lightsaber." Given the jawline and the muleheaded attitude, no way Morgana was fooling around with the pizza delivery boy. That's definitely Carth's kid, and that's definitely Force Sensitivity. Now, while it can skip a generation (see Theron Shan), it tends to run pretty heavy in families.

Lastly? Gee. He comes from a planet settled by and heavily populated by descendants of Force Sensitives who failed their training. I'm also willing to bet some bastard children of Jedi get passed off as "foundlings" and "orphans" and dumped there, too. Jedi are forbidden attachments, but not sworn to celibacy, so...yeah, bastard kids are gonna happen. There's probably a Jedi or two in that family tree. It's circumstantial evidence at best, but it still supports the case.

Now, any arguments I missed? Counterarguments?

And the million credit question: If there's a character who gets to break this news to poor Flyboy, who do you think would actually take that on? How do you think Carth would take that kind of news? And what, if anything, would come of it?

I kinda figure Jolee might be the only one nuts enough to poke that with a stick...I also kinda figure "Sentinel" would fit best. Consular? Hell no. He hired Mical for that. Guardian works with the feats, but the whole "ferreting out deceit and injustice?" Yeah. That's Carth.

[rabidpotato]

I have Castlevania brain rot send help

Ho boy. I have FEELINGS.

Season 4 spoilers and (longwinded) Discourse(TM) below the cut

A happy ending? In MY Castlevanias? It’s more likely than you think. With as grimdark as the series has been I fully expected to have my heart torn out and shat on, so to get an actual satisfying happy ending was a whole lungful of fresh air. Gimme that sweet sweet rush of Everybody Lives Nobody Dies, I need that shit pumped straight into my poor serotonin-starved brain.

What a hell of a season. There was enough material there for at least two seasons (and I would have LOVED to have two seasons, but that’s just because I’m greedy and want more…) and I was skeptical that they could even try to wrap up all those threads..and then they DID IT. Hot damn.

Hot Takes:

In this house we stan Greta and will tolerate no disrespect against our sword-and-hammer wielding queen. I love her, and I love her and Alucard’s dynamic with the deliberate parallels to Dracula and Lisa. I think she’s good for him.

TREVOR AND SYPHA UGH I JUST LOVE THEM SO MUCH I’m out here crying ugly tears at how much this stinky himbo and tiny nuke love each other ;______; Battle Couple OTP.

I would watch the shit out of an entire season of everybody building the new village and Trevor and Sypha learning how to be parents and Alucard and Greta getting closer and everybody just being HAPPY. This is because I am trash, not because there would actually be any storytelling value in such a thing. Same thing with onscreen kisses between Trevor and Sypha. Is it necessary? No. Doesn’t mean I don’t want it. But hey, that’s what fandom is for, right? I’ll just be over here drawing beetus-inducing fluff and being vaguely disgusted with myself.

Papa Trevor would be so soft. I think my ovaries just exploded.

I 100% expected Trevor to die and leave Sypha grieving and pregnant with the way they teased it in the trailer and the way it would have thematically fit with the rest of the series, and I am SO GLAD he didn’t. I’m tired of sad endings. I really love that he gets to be part of this world of people who know how to build things.

“I love you.” “I know.”

That single flash of Sypha’s face as he’s fading out knowing he’s going to die and being at peace with it, augh my fucking heart. T_T

Horse is secret MVP. That horse knows things.

Isaac confirmed for a) stand user and b) monster fucker. King out here living his best life, you love to see it.

But for reals tho, Isaac’s arc was one of my favorites. Nice fakeout with the conquest line in the trailer. The philosophical discussions on the nature of humans and night creatures, the way he comes to realize that he (and Hector, and by extension his own night creatures) is/are more than a tool to be used in the hands of others, the way he reclaims his own agency and decides he’s going to live...I fucking loved it. (Also paves the way for post-series forgehusbands…)

SO FUCKING HAPPY FOR STRIGA AND MORANA. I was holding my breath expecting them to get horribly killed the entire time and then they just...weren’t. The hot vampire wives got to literally ride off into the sunset (sunrise?) together, in a way that made sense. The General and the Organizer looked at the data on the ground, discussed, and made the calculated decision to stick with what really matters to them, not just Carmilla’s ambitions. More of this, please! Would have loved to see Striga fight more than once, though. Also I would shank a man for Morana’s cape.

Respect for Carmilla for going out on her own terms, even if it did feel a little heavy-handed. The cinematography of her and Isaac’s fight sure as hell made up for it though- that was one of the prettiest fights of the series.

Reunited trio’s fight was the other prettiest fight of the series. Holy fuck, what gorgeous animation.

I actually liked that St Germain’s lady friend never spoke- it reinforced the way that he has mythologized her to the point where she’s not even a person, just an ideal. It was also exactly what he deserved that she turned her back on him in the end. She’s just not that into you, bro.

Varney is a hoot. A greasy, flea-infested slimy hoot. Nice twist, too. Death’s design is *chef kiss*

Loved the themes of moving on and rebuilding and change and how there’s a pretty clear split between the people who are able to adapt and change (and live), and those “relics of the old world” who can’t or won’t. Ratko was criminally underused in this respect. I think there just wasn’t enough time.

Quibbles:

Pacing. I know Castlevania is notorious for uneven pacing, but in this case I think this is on Netflix- they should have been given a full two seasons to wrap this up, just to give things a chance to breathe. As it was, though, I think the writers did the best possible job given the constraints they were under.

Zamfir should have lived to learn the lesson about caring for the people who are still alive, and been the one to take charge of rebuilding Targoviste for the living. Having her die was straight-up pointless in a predictable way.

Did Trevor just straight-up forget he has TWO weapons with range when fighting Ratko? You have like a 30 foot reach what are you doing bro

Lenore is Problematic, and I wish there had been more tension between her and Hector. Like, I know Stockholm Syndrome is a thing, but he’s weirdly chill with her in a way that glosses over just what she did to him. Also I would have liked to see more self-awareness of “Oh, being a pet in a cage really is shitty, no matter how nice the cage. Now I know why what I did to you was wrong” before she dips. Her ending sure was poetic, though.

Wasn’t Trevor’s left arm broken in that last fight? How the heck is he even able to use it at the end? Also damn dude it’s been two weeks you should probably at least have washed those gaping wounds by now. Do you want sepsis? Because that’s how you get sepsis.

Unpopular Opinions:

Look I love Dracula/Lisa as much as the next shipper but “Hey we’re alive again for some reason!!” was totally out of left field. It felt like something out of a fix-it fic and it was just kinda baffling and jarring. Also go see your fucking kid, jfc you two are terrible parents.

Is Lisa just...kinda fine with the fact that Dracula tried to commit genocide in her name and almost killed their son? That must have been an awkward conversation.

I’m actually cool with Alucard spilling his life story to Greta on the march. He’s starving for human interaction, who’s to say he wouldn’t just want to TALK about what he’s been through? It’s treated in a way that’s a bit flippant for my taste, but we’ve seen enough of his trauma onscreen. I want to focus on his healing.

I’m hesitant to kick this particular hornet’s nest, but I really don’t think the ot3 has to be sexual? If it is, it damn well be an ot4 polycule with Greta. I see them more as two couples that are close friends and found family. But that’s the great thing about fandom! Rock on, shippers of all flavors, there’s room enough for everybody.

In Conclusion (jesus fuck how much did I write)

Castlevania pretty

Have you seen my braincell I think I misplaced it

Moar plz

[laryna6]

One of those ‘A Christmas Carol’-based fics with Saotome Eiji.

Kyousuke’s dad appearing warning of the demons of the Sanzu river and the measuring of karma that awaits the dead, and Saotome going ‘I must have fallen asleep/that’s a foreign Buddhist thing’ because of the... heavy pushing of a... propagandized version of Shinto as part of Japanese nationalism building up to WWII.

Instead of Christmas it’s Obon (a festival of Buddist/Confucian origin) ofc.

To fit with ‘the idea that people have to earn the right to live is effed up’ from the original, perhaps as a child he was sent to an orphanage bc his family couldn’t feed him? The additional damage of not knowing who your ancestors were in a culture practicing ancestor worship.

Other students of psychic research inviting him to hang out at the university but he wanted to get an officer position in the army, so needing to avoid undesirable elements.

Saotome’s present day obon, Kyousuke who was raised in China being taught about Shinto because as a half-Chinese person on top of an esper in an era of nationalism... they worry about the kid and he might be safer if he do all the ‘I am a loyal subject of the emperor’ signaling. Two of the espers in the unit canonically come from traditional priesthood families and have OPINIONS about what these motherfucking nationalists are doing to corrupt and twist everyone’s spirituality and traditions and their sense of connection to their families and their people and the land. Making shinto priests government officials?!

Saotome going they’re not proper LoyalTM to the army and Japan

Spirit #2 going ‘was the army ever loyal to them?’

Fujiko and her father discussing how their family is nobility and the need for the nobiiity to give up power and instead bring about democracy if Japan was going to escape being conquered and exploited by imperialists like the countries around them.

Fujiko going ‘but the warrior classes all got positions in the military, and now we’re a military dictatorship and Japan has just become one more imperialist power, it’s disgusting and her father going absolutely, and discussion of duty to their ancestors and their country foreshadowing Fujiko making a choice that according to traditional morality and the noble code of conduct was ABSOLUTELY UNACCEPTABLY HORRIBLY WRONG to the point of disgracing her entire family line because what kind of people could have produced a traitor like that... but because of it in the modern day Japan is the second least awful country in how it treats espers.

Then spirit #3, and Saotome going ‘I’ve seen the precogs, espers going to war with normals, Kyousuke betraying the country/me to serve a queen’

And then it’s the younger queen and two other girls going ‘Minamoto we want to go to a festival with you’ while a harried man basically shoos them out the door with a broom and goes ‘go! Your families want to see you! Here are your boxed lunches and snacks for the trip’ and the girls are espers who use their powers to get to their normal families. the queen and her big sister get in a wrestling match over the cookies and only belatedly realize their mom’s eaten them all while commentating while they dress for the festival. another girl and her normal father engage in some police brutality towards festival pickpockets as bonding. the third girl, at least, is traditional and proper even if she’s performing a ceremony that comes from non-Japanese origins (and yet... it’s still a tradition that ties them to their ancestors and the gods and who they are, and Shinto says that tradition is sacred, it doesn’t say that traditions that first came from outside aren’t sacred)

The man is following his mother around as she chatters with everyone and gets up to shenanigans at the festival. ‘Father couldn’t make it again’ mentioning a grandmother who used to stay with him at these. Looking up at the sparks rise above the fire to send the dead home, lonely even though he’s surrounded by people in his hometown... and then he gets tackled by the three girls demanding he take photos with them while they’re all in kimonos

And then it switches to someone announcing That Bastard is finally dead. Far from the land he was born, with no one in the country he served who cares to claim his body ‘so we should send someone to pretend to be a relative’ and someone declaring that this is now a formal meeting because while obviously they all want to desecrate his grave, they are going to do it in an organized fashion that reflects the gravity of his crimes and pays respects to his innocent victims and continuing victims of that bastard’s legacy of murder and hatred. Eggs and toilet paper are not up for discussion is said with a pointed look at another man, who whines ‘big bro!’

This is the most diverse group of people Saotome has ever seen, people from all over the world united in their hatred of someone who gets referred to with several different languages’ curse words.

And then someone walks in and goes ‘here you are, okay, what are you up to? I’ve been raising kids for half a century, I know that when you’re all quiet and busy somewhere you’re up to no good’ and it’s Kyousuke. The guy who went ‘big bro’ gets his ear twisted, and whines ‘dad!’

It’s revealed that ‘that bastard’ is someone who hurt Kyousuke, who they’re protective of like the unit is (he still looks so young...) but when he gets it out of them he’s no! and there is a whine of ‘dad! He shot you!’ ‘I know’ *bullet scar revealed* ‘I’m the one he shot, so I get to decide what to do with him’

Kyousuke lifting away a sheet to reveal a body old and twisted and crippled. And Saotome’s. Kyousuke is blank an solemn... and sad.

Going through the Shinsosai funeral rites, all foreign Buddhist influences removed as he would have wanted, and maybe there’s a reason the people of Japan for centuries were happy to have Buddhists to help them usher their families into the next world, because he can see the weight of the kegare on him, how Kyousuke mourns him, is the only one who mourns him. Eventually a woman who treats Kyousuke as both an embarrassing younger brother and as a respected father comes to help, to cheer him up, even though she despises Saotome too, for hurting him.

A picture of the unit, in Kyousuke’s family shrine. ‘Now everyone in this photograph but Fujiko is dead... He took my family from me, but he, too, was family.’

Then he grabbed the woman, teleported, and dragged her down with him into the ocean for purification.

...then Kyousuke goes to bully the man from before, who is arguing with the three girls about how yes, they are sleepy, Kaoru nearly flew them into the ground getting home, while making them all tea before he shoves them into their bedroom. When he turns around Kyousuke has stolen the cup that was supposed to be for him, and the man at first automatically raises his hackles, but then looks sympathetic.

Kyousuke looks away, annoyed and pouting, at sympathy from this person.

‘...If I try to comfort you you’re going to shove my head in the toilet again,’ the man says, getting himself another cup of tea.

‘Absolutely’ Kyousuke agrees.

Silence, and eventually Kyousuke says, ‘at first I thought you were his reincarnation, even though he would have been offended at the idea of him reincarnating. Then I found he was with the Comericans, had been since the war, and I thought, it would have been better if he was you. Not for the Queen. But for him. If I hadn’t failed to avenge my comrades back then, he could have moved on to a better life or the otherworld. Not been forced to live on a failure and a pawn in a foreign land, unable to return home. He was a proud man.’ Looking down at his tea, ‘when I met him again, he asked me to kill him.’

‘..in the precog, I know there’s a nuke on the way when I shoot Kaoru,’ the man says, and now Saotome knows where he’s seen him. ‘even though I want to kill her so she can’t leave again and I want it enough to kill her before she stops that nuke from destroying Tokyo, I still know that I have to die for this. I’m just getting the order wrong. I should die before I do that. Having to live with what I do in that precog would be a fate worse than death.’

‘That was why I erased his memories that day. He... there was no point in him continuing to suffer. None of us would have wanted that for him. I thought... didn’t he know our feelings? That we were loyal to him, that we didn’t mind dying for him? And then I saw that he truly didn’t recognize our feelings. Because he didn’t know what it looked like, to recognize when people truly cared for him. But he cared for us, and so when he thought that espers would turn against normals, that it was impossible for us to ever care for him... Those damn precogs. They broke his heart before he put a bullet through mine.’

‘Maybe... next obon?’

a shake of the head. ‘he thought it was too foreign. It’s fine, our comrades will beat sense into him in the afterlife.’ Kyousuke drank the rest of his tea.

‘..Some of the parts of the traditional ceremony... PANDRA loves you, but I think that would have made it hard to force them to cooperate,’ the man said. “I don’t want to hear words honoring him either, but you like to do things I don’t want.’

‘What, are you going to give me condolences for his loss?”

‘I can honestly say that I am very sorry he’s dead, because it means I will never get to strangle him,’ the man vigorously throttled the air, going from kind and patient to a man more than capable of shooting a young woman in love with him, and back, ‘from turning you from such a sweet, good little kid into the godawful brat I have had to deal with.’

Kyousuke snorted.

“Do you want another cup of tea, or a cup of milk?”

“Milk.” Kyousuke said, and when the man was on his way to open a white door, he began, “Utsumi-san said that he graduated first in his class, but he had no family and no background. The esper unit was his proposal, so when he told us that we could serve our country and be accepted, he wagered his own future on the chance that ours could be happy. Utsumi said later that he never trusted Saotome-Taicho, because he knew he didn’t truly care for us. I asked once why he didn’t warn us, if he knew that, but... Utsumi knew his heart, so he knew that Saotome-taicho also was different, was desperately wishing to prove he was valuable enough to accept. He knew what bait to dangle before us because it was the exact same lure that led him to the army. We all wanted him to have that happy future, along with us.’

[beevean]

How about a top 5 (or 10 if you prefer) best and worst bosses in video games? :D

I’m not very well versed in videogames, but anyway...

WORST

10) Chaos 4 (Sonic Adventure): Not a big fan of bosses who waste so much time - ooh, look at that, trying to hit me with very slow, very telegraphed attacks, and taking more and more time to becomes vulnerable the more the fight progresses. Also not a big fan of Tactical Suicide Bosses (excuse me Chaos, why is your strategy “stay in the water for increasingly amounts of time and then decide to raise my head to breathe”? In this form you’re a fish!). Even less of a fan of bosses that you have to fight three times to complete the game.

9) Sonic and Diablon (Shadow the Hedgehog): They couldn’t have come up with a more boring boss if they tried. Shoot the shield, shoot the cannon, avoid the hand, run away when you hear the word “anti-matter”, kick Sonic in the head, slowly chip at the large energy bar, rinse and repeat. The G.U.N. Fortress version is particularly painful, too, as the arena only offers those piss poor pistols with 10 bullets and minimal damage. And much like Chaos 4, you have to fight this lovely boss three times to get to the Last Story, except you don’t even get a different character with different abilities. Also, poor Sonic, from protagonist of the series reduced to nothing more than a footstep.

8) Collision Chaos boss (Sonic CD): Try to play a boss that relies on wonky pinball physics, that shoots projectiles with the only purpose of changing your already precarious trajectory, in the Bad Future that adds slightly more bumpers to destroy, with the American music (I linked the extended version to properly depict the experience). Pain is real.

7) Egg Pinball (Sonic Advance 3): Surprise! I find this boss worse than the more famous Egg Chaser. Yes, the Egg Chaser is very anxiety-inducing with its bottomless pit and the ball chain sending you into it, but once you learn the pattern of the platforms and that Amy as a partner makes it a joke it’s not that bad. This one, though? Even with Amy/Sonic, which is the only team where your partner is useless but you aren’t, this boss relies too much on luck, expecially by the end when way too many balls are flying across the screen. It’s almost funny, in a “screw you” way, that this is one of the two bosses in the game that can’t be hit by Cheese, in the stage where you finally unlock Cream. Pinball and Sonic don’t mix as well as Sonic Team thinks, apparently.

6) Boost Guardian (Metroid Prime 2, Gamecube): This boss’ strategy isn’t even that bad, it’s just that it hits you like a truck in an environment that is already sipping you of health. If being hit was less punishing, guessing the correct timing to jump over it would be fun. Too overkill for its placement in the game.

5) Mother Brain (Metroid Zero Mission): MB in the original Metroid 1 was... there, with the difficulty of the final boss coming from those stupid Rinkas pushing you into the lava below. In the remake, which otherwise is much easier than the original game, you have to think about the Rinkas, the lava, and MB who shots you fireballs! And if you fall into the lava (and you will spend half of the time in the lava)? She closes her eye and protects her only weak spot, forcing you to wait at the mercy of the Rinkas hitting you all over again. Asshole.

4) Dark Gaia (Sonic Unleashed): Dark Gaia, as a whole, is a stain on an otherwise beautiful game. Setting aside his “character” for a while: this boss is way, WAY too long (the first time I clocked at 11 minutes, like hell I’m trying again), the Gaia Colossus phase is frustrating for how slow it is and for having a nigh-unavoidable attack, the running phase requires pitch-perfect timing otherwise say bye bye to your life, and the Super Sonic phase is essentially “slipping down the shield to run over a bunch of snakes, then QTE up your ass”. Riveting. At least it has some banging music...

3) Egg Saucer (Sonic Advance 2): The bosses in SAd2 are already questionable with their “wind pushing you backwards” physics, but this one flings you enough bullshit to make you ragequit. Whoisthisgit made an excellent video explaining everything that makes this boss such a miserable experience. I am so sorry, Knuckles, that you had to be associated with this tragedy.

2) Antlion Mecha (Sonic 2, Game Gear): So let me get this straight devs, you take a boss that is already a little too had as the first boss in the game, you put it in a console with a much smaller screen, you screw up the slope physics making it just a little too easy to slide into the antlion’s jaws (and of course you don’t have any Rings), and on top of that you make the trajectory of the projectiles random when in the Master System they were consistent? Great game design there, guys :V

1) Spider Guardian (Metroid Prime 2, Gamecube): I was never as close as bestemmiare ogni santo e pure il padre eterno as I was when I was trying to beat this abomination. I love the Ing theme, but FUCK if I wasn’t hating every single sound of it while playing, OH MY GOD I envy the people who played it on the Wii so damn much

BEST

10) Robot Carnival/Storm (Sonic Heroes): Yes! Yes, I do like this boss! I’m probably the only one, I don’t care, I find these fights cathartic, especially with Team Chaotix <3

9) Jet Drill (Sonic 3 & Knuckles): The strategy may be simple, but I love the setup of Eggman destroying an ancient garden just to kill Sonic and I love how it emphasizes how much of a reliable bro Tails is. (let’s just ignore the fact that with Tails alone this boss is a pain...)

8) Doomsday Zone (Sonic 3 & Knuckles): The series had its fair share of Super Sonic bosses, but so far no one has beaten the original. It has excellent music, you can feel the tension as you smartly redirect Eggman’s missiles to him and as you chase him down through space, and Eggman in this game is really ready to do anything to win, I love it

7) Beta mk. II (Sonic Adventure): This is probably the best part of Gamma’s campaign. 90% of it is kindergarten-easy, and then Hot Shelter and the final boss are a sudden, but welcome spike in difficulty. Beta mk. II is a far cry from any other E-series robot you’ve faced, being almost completely invulnerable, hitting you with straight up nukes, and the time is still ticking in the corner. Then you add the context of having to kill your brother, and the deceptively upbeat theme, and it becomes a memorable experience.

6) Cykka (Metroid Prime 2): The first phase is fairly boring, but Adult Cykka is really fun to fight for some reason. Not only it has a cool design, but it’s a fast-paced battle (due to having to use the Grapple Beam to swing from platform to platform) where you have to go ham on the boss at certain points (when it becomes Dark Cykka), my two favorite styles for a boss.

5) Nightmare (Metroid Fusion): A name, a certainty. This boss looks, sounds and attacks in a way that makes you feel confused and powerless. Even at it becomes a game of “climb the stairs, shoot at its ungodly face, jump around to avoid it”, it’s still tense.

4) Ridley (Super Metroid): SM isn’t famous for having great bosses, but they put all of their effort into Ridley and it shows. There’s no strategy here, it’s simply “kill him before he kills you”. At this point you’re pretty much at the peak of your strength, you went through literal Hell to get The Baby back, you’re not going to be stopped by the asshole who killed your parents.

3) Shibusawa Keiji (Yakuza 0): What a beast of a final boss. The first Dragon of Dojima is the perfect foil to Kiryu, having all of his strength and style but none of his compassion, and beating him up to a bloody pulp, especially as you see him become sloppier and sloppier, is so, so cathartic. Also, Two Dragons, what more can I say?

2) Egg Dragoon (Sonic Unleashed): Best boss in the series? I don’t know but it’s surely in the top 10, and it’s ironic that you play as the hated Werehog. Not only it has some delicious music (that generations ruined), but it’s such a fun climax after the hell and a half that is Eggmanland! On one hand, Eggman sounds seriously angry and he is ready to kill Sonic (and if you take too much time, which admittedly is hard if you’re not doing it on purpose, he is positively gleeful while he sends you into a fiery death); on the other, Sonic just rips this giant robot apart like tissue paper, and even if it’s done through QTEs, it looks awesome.

1) Kuze Daisaku (Yakuza 0): I’ll let this say it all. If I had to pick a favorite version, the fifth one was my favorite to fight (by that point you have likely upgraded Kiryu’s abilities to the point of making him a juggernaut), but the second one is iconic for a reason... multiple, in fact. “DIE, YOU LITTLE SHIT!”

Special mention to Majima in Y1, YK and YK2 because he looks really fun, but I have never faced him myself so yeah.

[yikesscibbles]

Ok so this is a lil summary of IDW the collection phase 1 book 2 StormBringer comic so I remember because I already forgot like 80% of megatron origin lmao. If I mess anything up feel free to correct me or add on.

-> A group detects energon on cybertron and if it's true they think cybertron may be healing. Then they see this big like crater that brings up thunder wing's destruction. Then they're like we have to check out this weird energon because last time we ignored what was going on on cybertron we ended up killing the planet. Not to mention Soundwave is a climate change disbeliefer lmao in the past /hj.

Then a storm hits and the group goes down because they're being beaten up by some ghost armor dude. They try to shoot the particle ghost armor people but charge up the particle storm instead. They get messed up but jetfire survives. Turns out the dudes beating them up are obsessed either reviving thunderwing because they thinks mass sacrifice will appease the spirit of cybertron so it'll revive? Also apparently jetfire was warned about all of this but the guy who warned him was crazy or something.

Then bludgeon is like, "oh no we will finish was thunderwing started. RIP to your friends but we're different". Optimus is like, "so if the Calabi-Yau (the ship the group was deployed from) disappeared, and missiles were fired from around thunderhead pass, uh we're gonna need the wreckers". Bludgeon launches thunderwing to Nebulos. Wreckers show up on cybertron. Skullcruncher is like bro why don't we just let it destroy Nebulos because that's what we want to do anyway it's just faster than us. Dark wing (I think) is like, bro you wanna tell megatron why we lost nebulos? No? Then go fight that mf right now!

Back to the wreckers they're beating up Bludgeon's posse and whirl is here!! Whirl is shown on screen!! As far as I'm aware he has like 2 lines but whirl my beloved. Anyways Bludgeon now has his super bod that's based off of Thunderwing's but like more developed I guess.

Anyways back to Thunderwing, cons are attempting to stop Thundwing but are getting their butts kicked.

Back to cybertron, Bludgeon's face is like melting off because he went to his super bod too quick and it's got pyschic backlash n his mind couldn't handle it. Then they turn off the thing Bludgeon fired up by shooting it (ah yes classic just shoot the machine). Ignaunus was kinda cool looking for the 20 pages he was around. Ok so now the wreckers are like trying to beat up Thunderwing aka dude on SUPER fuel who is just yelling at them. Decepticons are like, ok we will send back up but once our missiles are ready then screw cybertron lmao! Also Tetfire mentions a thingy called a technobot and I wanna know what THAT is because that sounds funky. Then Optimus comes down with centurion units (which you first see beating up the dudes the wreckers found when they first arrived on cybertron except I guess these ones are not reprogrammed by Bludgeon and are owned by the Senate) and there's a dude named Dogfight which is pretty cool.

Then there's a whole,"I won't run away, I will defeat you!!" Scene with Optimus as he still has guilt from letting Thunderwing destroy cybertron the first time and then he beats up Thunderwing and the decepticons don't nuke cybertron.

An important thing to remember is at the end is that bludgeon was supposed to de-archive some work-in-progress stuff and came across a thing called regenesis. Which led to Earth. And apparently the decepticons just engaged siege mode there unexpectedly or smth. So the autobots go to earth I think or at least this sparks this desire to look into earth.

[smokeybrandreviews]

Tomorrow Should Have Died

So i was planning on reviewing The Tomorrow War because it’s a new film and i like new films i can watch without having to brave the plague. I saw a preview for this thing a while back and had real low expectations for it, figured it’d be dumb fun like Independence Day. Imagine my abject horror when it turned out to be so much worse. Okay, first things first, the good stuff. Chris Pratt is good and so is J.K. Simmons. Betty Gilpin and Yvonne Strahovski work miracles with what little they have. The sound design is exceptional, probably the best thing about this sh*t flick, and the actual effects are on point. The problem with the movie is the script. It’s f*cking terrible. Oh my god, so much dumb! Here’s a list of sh*t that made me irrationally angry, in order of plot progression.

Eleven minutes in and i hate it. How are you losing a war to anything if you have mastered the ability to traverse space-time? How the f*ck is your technology so advanced, that you have found a way to exceed the light speed limit and literally break physics, but lose to a bunch of rabid, interstellar, komodo dragons? This is the dumbest f*cking contradiction I have seen all year and i am offended that whoever decided to make this film, is asking this of their audience. Sh*t is patently absurd. These f*cking things don't even have written language, man, and you really expect me to believe they have pushed a human race that has harnessed the power of time, to the brink of extinction?

Eleven minutes, bro. Eleven f*cking minutes.

Seriously, you can create a time machine, you should conceivably have the ability to harness gravity or one of the other fundamental interactions. Why the f*ck haven't you designed a miniaturized rail gun that uses modern tech or materials to build? You have worked out the science in the future, go back to the past and build miniature or handheld doomsday devices for use in the field. Why isn’t everyone running around with f*cking Megatron fusion cannons on their arms? Why the f*ck am i fighting aliens with ARs and Glocks?? The fact that there is an active time machine built from tech on hand from thirty years into the future, means cats could have spent their time building actual weapons to kill these f*cking things instead of betting the literal human race on a time displaced draft. This movie is dumb as rocks.

The way they describe how their time travel works is dumb. I mean, it isn’t, but i can guarantee this sh*t is going to be a problem later. I can feel it in my bones. They are definitely going to contradict this sh*t because multiverse theory is the only way to make movie time travel work and they are trying their damnedest to not do that.

This f*cking thing is over two hours long and the first drags. I hate when cats attempt to develop characters and they just fail at it. I'm sitting here trying to figure out why I should care about any of these people and i still don't have an answer after half the goddamn movie is over. Like, why should i care about Chris Pratt? He’s the main character and the writing has done nothing to endear him to the audience in a whole ass hour.

Also, the reason he’s so mad at his dad is stupid. Dude did right by his kid by bailing because he would have been a terrible father. Pratt’s character would have known that as a father himself. He didn’t have to like it and, of course there’s animosity there, but you’re an adult. Your dad knew he was lousy. He did you a favor by walking out. It wasn’t like he didn’t help support you or make sure you went without. As far as i can tell, dude was there in every way by physically. Because he couldn’t. Because he was f*cking shell-shocked from fighting in Vietnam. Where they raped innocent women and set babies on fire. Holy sh*t, this cat is an unlikable protagonist after this one scene. Which brings me to my next thing...

Pratt f*cking abandons his family?? Word? After that entire scene with his dad and the very obvious trauma he has suffered, he turns around and abandons his own kid because he lost his job?? Word? Like, for real? You expect me to believe that the Chris Pratt who cussed out his pops, was willing to go on the run from his future conscription, abandoned his own family because he lost a teaching job?? What the f*ck, movie? Do you want me to like this asshole or not? More than that, how the f*ck you mess up your character so bad in what i imagine is just five pages of actual script? Nothing we know about this character would ever even hint at him doing this to his family, to his daughter, so why the f*ck would he? Why the f*ck would you, as a write, believe we, as the audience, would just accept that sh*t as a forgone conclusion?

You got ropes on a Queen and you don't kill it? How the f*ck you make it that deep into the hive to even do-si-do the b*tch to the surface? We just watched these things tear through Miami to the point that they needed a whole ass bombardment just to survive and you not only go into their hive, their home, with no heavy ammo, but you somehow lasso a queen and drag her to the surface. Alive. If you can do all of that why not just drop a nuke down there and blow them the f*ck up? Why do you need a live Queen for your science? Shoot the b*tch, take the juice of her corpse, and end this sh*t! Why is all of this stupid recklessness necessary??

Okay. Okay... F*ck everything i just said, right? Why the f*k did you bring this Queen b*tch back to your base? You don’t have a different offsite lab to do this sh*t? You gotta bring her to your stronghold? Isn’t this a military operation? Why aren't their security protocols and sh*t in place to stop this stupidity? You don’t bring the enemy home. You take them to black sites for sh*t like this, not to the goddamn Pentagon!

All of a sudden, the aliens understand science? We spent this entire movie establishing that they are mindless beasts with teeth, eating the human race into extinction but now, because the plot demands it, the Queen one understands what the people are doing? That the green sh*t they made is plague that can murder them all? How the f*ck she even know what science is? They don’t even have language, dude! How the hell she know they made a death plague for her people?! F*ck it, whatever, bro. Next you're going to tell me she let them capture her just to get inside the lab or some sh*t because these rabid f*cking animals, who have demonstrated no military command abilities or even the barest of higher cognitive functions, are tactical geniuses.

Okay, so the Queen b*tch is a tactical genius. So, in the initial future drop, the team was murdered by a bunch of these things because they were sent to a lab where they were trying to make the death plague. Now, hat i am about to say is all assumption on my part because none of this, and i men NONE of it, is ever confirmed by the movie. So, they get to the lab and everyone is dead but the green per-plague is still there. That mean they had a Queen there. It’s established after this that Queens can call for backup and the Males will lemming their way to her. I deduce that’s how this lab got overrun; Queen got loose, called for her boys, and they ate everyone. That happened. That was the first thing we see in the future. This b*tch does the same f*cking thing on the home base lab so now the males are overrunning The Pentagon. You motherf*ckers knew this was a thing because it literally already happens. Why the f*ck would you do it again? AND it gets worse... Home base, The Pentagon, is the f*cking rig where they house the goddamn time machine! You brought a hostile enemy leader, still alive and coherent, to the heart of your resistance operation, to the core of your time travel operation, knowing that at any time this b*tch can scream and have your whole ass base overrun with teeth and poison darts? Look, if the future is this stupid, they deserve to die, okay?

At least they commit to multiverse theory, even if it contradicts the entirety of their already established time travel rules.

Okay. Okay... So they create this toxin to kill all the monster things and send it back in time to be mass produced  Put that sh*t in bullets and send it back to the future or whatever. But, because of the aforementioned stupid, that plan is bunk. Time machine go kablooey. And now we are at the "all is lost" moment at the end of the second act." Solution to the problem in hand, no way to save the future because the only way back to the future was a casualty of idiocy. Right. So... just wait. F*cking just wait. You know when these assholes show up, you know how to kill them all, you even have a plague ready to be mass produced right now. You have thirty f*cking years to refine that formula, to make it cheaper to mass produced and develop variants just in case immunities start to crop up or something. There are people from the future, stuck in the past, because of the egregious future error. They have all of that intel and they are just alive. The second this dude got back to the past with that antidote, the future was saved. The war is over. Like, even if you don’t know where the ship is, you have a sure thing that will murder these white f*cks and three decades to produce, weaponize, and store that sh*t. The war is won. The Prime timeline is absolutely safe at this point. Because that's how time travel works. You have the nuclear option, right now, to averting the end of the human race, ready to be mass produced. Yo have the knowledge from the future on where these things will first appear. You still have all the future tech brought over from the beta timeline ripe for reverse engineering in order to improve the weapons of the present. There is no scenarios where we lose this war, the second Chris Pratt plops back into the present with that plague. None.

Why is everyone so dejected?? Why are there f*cking riots all over the world?? None of this makes sense. How can you assume the world ends and the war is lost just because the communication with that version of the past is cut? Wouldn’t you expect that sh*t? You just altered the entire timeline by sending Pratt back with the antidote. That future is effectively gone. How can you communicate with a place in space-time that doesn’t exist anymore? Hell, even if it’s because the time machine broke and everyone over there is dead, you have the f*cking antidote now! Multiverse theory, bud. The fact that those time displaced assholes didn’t disappear, means multiverse theory is real and you have the opportunity to Future Trunks this sh*t so why panic? Why are there no leaders n television assuring their people that this is a thing? Why are there no scientists publishing papers about how sh*t is going to be fine? Bro, I'm just so tired...

How these cats just fly into Russia on a big ass cargo plane and not get shot down? This is 2022. Putin still hates us. This sh*t would cause a World War.

So you find this ship and you don’t tell anyone where it is? You decide to just kill them all yourself? Motherf*cker, what happens if you die? Did you back up the enzyme formula somewhere or did you bring all of it with you on this stupid f*cking mission? Did you leave notes or even text your location to anyone in authority, just in case haphazard attempt goes sideways so someone else can make a more organized attempt? Or just drop a nuke on the site from orbit? If one asshole denied you funding for your mission, why didn’t you ask someone else? Why didn’t you ask f*cking Putin? Because governments are bloated down with bureaucracy? My dude, people from the future came back and interrupted the world cup to tell you that aliens are going to exterminate the human race in three decades. If you tell anyone in a position of power that you know where these little sh*ts are, they’re going to listen. Especially since everyone decided to riot because the future changed/we lost the time war/ the timeline imploded.

Why would a terrestrial saw work on an intergalactic star ship? That doesn't make any sense. This f*cking thing survived a crash landing into earth intact and a goddamn circular saw cuts it open? Fine, whatever. On to the next stupid thing.

Bro. Bro, they just blow the f*cking thing up. Motherf*cker spent the entire movie, time jumping form the past to to the future and back to the past, just to get this plague to kill them all, and a bunch of C4 just blows them all up while they sleep. Why the f*ck was everything even f*cking necessary? At this point, when the dude comes back with that claw the first time, the future is saved. Analysis on that one claw gave up the location of the hidden spaceship where these things had been in stasis for millennia. Which was blown up with C4. No plague needed. No goddamn time draft needed. No casualties needed after that first wave. The second that dude brought back that claw, it should have been  under a forensic microscope so actual f*cking scientists could figure out what a high school kid id in a matter of minutes. I hate this movie so goddamn much.

I hated this goddamn movie so much. It’s f*cking boring and the dumbest thing I've seen all year and i watched Army of the Dead. It’s pretty and the performances are decent, but there is absolutely no substance to any of this sh*t. It wants to be Independence Day and Edge of Tomorrow and The Great Wall. all in one, while infusing time travel family drama but it’s so f*cking confused trying to juggle all of that, it drops the ball on the most important part; The script. This thing must read like a fever dream induced by peyote because, in execution, it’s a wet fart. This f*cking thing is all over the place with no regard for any insular universe logic. It contradicts itself from one scene to the next and it’s goddamn offensive. I’m sure there is someone saying that i am overthinking this sh*t and that it’s just supposed to be dumb popcorn fun. I get that. However, i can’t just turn my f*cking brain off and mindlessly drool over sh*t that insults my intelligence the way this movie does. It’s dumb as f*cking rocks, man, and i want those two hours of my life back!

[mysterioh]

The Ignorant Beauty and The Beast of New York - Ch. 9 

PAIRING: MOB!STEVE ROGERS X READER

Synopsis: Y/N is an exhausted bio major. Steve is danger with a capital DANGER. She thinks he’s a sarcastic prick with an impressive knowledge in art history. He thinks she’s cute even if she’s only running on one brain cell. All he wants is a single date, but she’s adamant upon denying.

Masterlist

We Meet Again My Dearest Mobster

“You guys know each other?” May asked with a smile.

“Nope,” Peter quickly replied. “I’ve never met her in my life.”  

You looked at him. Yup, you’ve definitely seen this guy somewhere. May’s phone goes off and she reaches into her pocket to check.

“Oh, it’s the supplier,” she said aloud. She looked over to Peter with a frown. “Mind if I take this, it’s really important.”

Peter shook his head with a sweet smile. “It’s okay, I can wait.”

“You’re the sweetest,” she said with a chuckle, ruffling his hair as she walked by.

You waited until May closed the door to her office behind her to speak.

“Alright, punk, who are you?” you questioned. “I know we’ve met before?”

“What? Honest, Miss!” he said. “I’ve never seen you in my life!”

“Cut the crap and play straight with me,” you deadpanned, crossing your arms.

“Now I understand why the boss likes you so much,” he chuckled.

You dropped the spoon in your hand. "Wait what?"

Peter cupped his mouth. "N-nothing!" Peter exclaimed. "I said nothing!"

"No, no, no," you hurried towards him. "You just said something. Say it again."

"I just remembered I have to go somewhere. Bye, Aunt May!" He took a dash for the door, but you caught him by the collar of his shirt.

"Not so fast, pipsqueak," you said, yanking him towards you. "Who the hell is your boss and how does he know me?"

"Well, uh - um - you see," Peter stuttered, not knowing what was worse. Outing his boss or your wrath.

"Spit it out already!" You exclaimed, pulling him closer.

"His name is Steve! Steve Rogers!" Peter confessed. "The King of Brooklyn!"

Your grip on his collar loosens at the blonde's name. "Steve?" You said in shock.

"Yeah," Peter fixed his collar with a sigh.

"The freak from the museum's gotta crush on me?" you murmured to yourself in disbelief.

"I think it's time I go," Peter slipped by you.

"Not so fast," you said flatly and he froze in his steps. "You've got a lot of explaining to do."

“Let me wallow in my misery, Nat,” Steve groaned from his office chair.

Nat rolled her eyes at the sight of him. He was leaned back in his seat with a book on his face.

“Listen here, Romeo, enough’s enough,” Nat crossed her arms. “I’m sick and tired of you acting like this.”

“It’s a free country,” he replied from underneath his book.

“Free country my ass,” Bucky deadpanned. “We’re worried about you man,” he said. “You’ve been acting weird for the past two weeks.”

“Listen, I’m fine,” Steve stated, “And what the hell are you three doing here anyway? Don’t you have work to do?”

“Don’t change the topic,” Sam warned, leaning toward him on the desk. “You gotta talk to us, man, ‘cause you’re messing up everything.”

“You gonna tell me how to do my job, Sammy?” Steve sits up, making his book fall onto the floor. His tone quickly shifting from tired to serious. “Cause I’d really love some pointers.”

“Maybe I’ll have to cause you’re acting like a dumbass!” Sam said. “What made you think nuking the Gambino brothers was a good idea? Are you trying to start a war here?”

“They lied to my face,” Steve snapped back. “You saw it with your own eyes. They’re working with Hydra behind my back.”

“You know they got a brother out in Chicago,” Bucky reminded. “You think he’s just gonna let you do that?”

“You think I’m afraid of some punk from puny Chicago?” Steve retorted, standing up with blood rushing to his head. “I’m the fucking mob king and I do what I want. I’m sending a message. Anyone who even thinks to go against me is gonna regret it. I’m maintaining the order. ”

“By creating more chaos?” Sam asked. Steve’s eyes cut to him sharply, but it’d take more than that to scare Sam off. “This wasn’t the way to do it, Steve, and you know it.”

Steve’s lips pursed into a scowl. He was stubborn to admit it.

“Stevie,” Nat called him, “You sure this isn’t about something else?”

“What are you talking about?”

“You sure this isn’t about the girl?”

Steve’s heart dropped. “No,” he stated, if they really listened they could hear his voice shake.

“Yeah?” Bucky said, disbelief written in his eyes.  

“Y-yeah,” he affirmed. The three look at him with blank expressions. "It isn't okay?" he stated firmly. "So quit bringing her up in every damn conversation," he brushes past Sam and Bucky and walks towards the door.

"Steve, don't you think you're just repeating the same steps you did with Peggy?" Nat said boldly.

Bucky and Sam look at her, scared out of their minds. Steve freezes at the door, his grip on the metal knob was tight. He turns towards them with sharp, icy eyes.

Red Alert. Red Alert.

"Why can't you just let us help?" She asked. "You'll end up hurting yourself more. Just like you did with-"

"Don't say her name," he interjected, his tone dipped in venom. "And I can handle things on my own. I don't need anyone's help." He said.

With that, he opens the door and leaves with a loud slam. The three winced at the sound of the door then slump in their defeat.

"He's gonna make it worse," Sam prophesied, "and he's gonna drag us with him."

"Till death do us part, y'know?" Bucky chuckled sadly.

"Bro, don't say it like that," Sam snarled.

"Can you two shut up for once?" Nat hissed.

"What's with you?" Bucky asked, placing his hands on his hips.

"Shut up, I'm thinking," she snapped at him.

"Oh great," Bucky huffed. "Steve's being an ass and now you're thinking." Nat shoots a glare his way. "What's becoming of this world?" He cried.

She elbows him hard in the gut and he bends over with a whimper.

"What are you thinking, Nat?" Sam asked nicely but cautiously.

"Thinking how we can help, Steve."

"He just said he didn't want help," Bucky wheezed.

Nat clicked her tongue. "You know how stubborn he is! He won't ask for help because he's too damn proud of himself!"

"So what do you have in mind, Romanoff?" Sam asked with a smirk, leaning against Steve's desk.

"We find the girl and talk to her," Nat said.

"Yeah, and how do we do that?" Sam questioned. "I mean, what would we even say?"

“Hold on, I haven’t thought that far yet,” she grumbled. Her lips pursed into a pout and she furrowed her brows in rumination. C’mon Nat, think, think.

And like a blessing in disguise, her answer comes through the door in the form of a ruffled brunette.

“You guys won’t believe who I just met!” Peter beamed.

A few moments ago…

“You know he really likes you,” said Peter, sitting across from you in the empty restaurant. He took another bite of his banana bread. “Like a lot,” he said with his mouth stuffed with bread.

“Yeah?” you said nonchalantly, propping your chin upon your hand.

Although your exterior was calm and collected, your insides were going wild. Yeah, you knew he had some sort of interest in you. But you always thought he just wanted to get in your pants. Isn’t that what all guys like him wanted to do? You weren’t so sure anymore.

“Yeah,” he took a sip of his milk, “when he found out about your boyfriend he was totally bummed out.” Your stone face crumbled and you frowned. Oh, this is bad.

How ya been?

Good.

He lied.

“Well, that’s his fault, not mine,” you pointed out in denial.

“It is,” Peter agreed, “but I kinda feel bad for the guy.” You raised a brow. “I heard he got his heart broken before. Like torn into shreds. I don’t know much about it cause I’m still new.”

Something deep in that little grinch heart of yours stung badly. Why you felt bad, you didn’t know, but you did. Sure, he came off a bit hard, but he was a nice guy overall. Minus the whole mob thing, that is.

“Oh, that’s too bad,” you sympathized, awkwardly shifting in your seat.

Peter’s phone lit up on the table and he looks over to see who it is. He picked it up and replied quickly. He shoved the rest of his bread in his mouth and you looked at him slightly disgusted.

“Sorry, I gotta go pick up my girlfriend from her yoga class,” he said, slipping his phone in his pocket and getting up.

“No problem,” you stood up with a smile, “thanks for answering my questions and sorry about being so — uh rough.”

Peter chortled in reply. “Nah, it’s fine. Y’know you’d make a great mobster the way you hold yourself. You interested in a job? The pay’s real nice.”

“No,” you smiled sheepishly, “I’m fine.”

Peter shrugged. “Suit yourself,” he walked over to the door before turning again. “Oh, can you tell Aunt May I had to leave?”

“Yeah, no problem,” you replied, following him.

Peter waved before opening the door, letting in a gust of cold winter air. You wrap your arms around you while standing, trying to figure out what to say.

“Uh, Peter,” you called after him, making him turn back. You sighed, hot breath vaporizing in the cold air. “Tell your boss I said hi,” you said with a sweet smile.

He nodded with a grin. “Sure thing!”

The place was packed to the corners.

Steve looked around at the busy tables. An old couple eating side by side studiously bent over their meals. A group of women around their thirties collapsing in fits of laughter over old memories while a lonely woman not too far off looked on with a frown. A family with exasperated teenagers and businessmen negotiating over a glass of wine and steak. It's like the colors of the rainbow and Steve can't help but hate being squished in the middle of it all.

"Why did you bring me here?" he asked pointedly.

Nat smirks. "Peter recommended this place to me so I thought we could check it out," she told him.

"But why me specifically?" Steve questioned. "Why not Sam or that one chick you're always fighting with?"

"Because," Nat said with an exaggerated sigh, "I felt like it. Besides we have to talk."

"I already told you I'm not-"

"Shut your face, it's not about the girl. It's about Lucky."

Steve grumbles and glares. "You know I'm the boss right?" He warns.

Natasha laughs from her stomach. "Stevie, you know better than anyone," she said, shifting her weight onto one hand. "I work under no man. I'm here because I want to be."

"Sure it's not because of Bucky?" He snickered making her groan.

Nat kicked him hard in the shin and he yelps in pain. He leans down and rubs his leg. "You jerk."

"I'll kill you, Steve," she hissed through gritted teeth.

"I'd like to see you try," he said before taking a sip of his soda as the waitress sauntered down the aisle.

"Hi, my name is Y/N, I'll be your waitress for today," you greeted. Steve's drink almost goes through his nose at the sound of your voice. He coughed and patted his chest while Nat smirked at him.

Why Why Why Why

He's afraid to look up cause he knows you're going to be there and in all honesty, he didn't want to see you right now.

"You okay, Stevie?" Nat asked with an amused grin.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he wheezed, shooting her an evil glare. He looks up to see you giving him a sweet lopsided smile paired with a small chuckle from his reaction.

"Hey, dude, how's it been?"

There's an indescribable warmth behind that smile. As if you're happy to see him again. It could be skin deep but he refused to see it that way. He'd stay blind if you kept on looking at him like that. He'd be Pygmalion as long as you were his Galatea.

TAG LIST: @ashwarren32​ @rootcrop​ @siriusement​ @savedbystark​ @great-goddess-of-sin​ @boxofteenageideas​ @little-dark-empress​ @imsonick​ @scuzmunkie​ @achishisha​ @chuckennuggets1213​ @captainchrisstan 

[robertdowneyjjr]

thoughts on endgame

if you haven’t seen endgame yet please turn away now because this is full of spoilers.

seriously spoiler nation here. turn back now while you still have the chance.

are you still here?

okay then.

here i go.

it’s gonna get long.

it’s been about seven hours since i got out of the movie theatre and overall? i’m upset. and i’m fucking pissed.

also, if you don’t know this by now, i’m a tony stan. my thoughts are biased. sue me.

listen. it’s not an awful movie. overall it’s an okay film. the shots were beautiful. the actors were all excellent. there was lots of fan service and there were tons of moments where it felt really fun. we laughed. we cried. we cheered. but as much as the filmmakers would like to insist that the film is satisfying, i just don’t agree, mainly because of how they decided to end the story.

the good and the mediocre

to start off, rdj’s acting is great. of course it is. it’s rdj. he did amazing with what he had to work with and most of my crying was because of him.

tony and nebula on the ship was great. he was already so fatherly with her, teaching her how to play paper football and encouraging her. and she was looking after him too. there was so much mutual care there that i loved, and i wish that we got more interaction between the two of them throughout the movie.

that little tear he shed when he closed his eyes to go to sleep on the benatar after recording his message for pepper killed me.

when joe russo said that the film was cathartic and evans said that it’s satisfying i can only apply these words to the one scene where tony finally gets to have his outburst and tell the others off for not believing him when he said a threat was coming. he deserved that moment. his anger was completely justified. and when he called steve out specifically, saying that he said that they’d lose together but they ended up not even doing that? when he called steve a liar? that was cathartic.

nat talking about how she used to have nothing and then she got this job, got this family. when she was crying over clint and what he was doing as ronin. that hurt.

MORGAN STARK. oh my god she is a cutie and all of her interactions with tony are just the best. this is the most valid part of the entire movie and that’s that on that. tony is so soft with her and it’s clear just how much he loves her and cherishes the family that he’s managed to have despite the tragedy that happened five years ago. this relationship is perfect and instead of the rest of the movie we should have just gotten three hours of tony and morgan’s father/daughter shenanigans.

tony being domestic and doing the dishes is all i ever wanted

doctor hulk was an interesting concept and i’m glad that bruce finally managed to find a balance between bruce and hulk and melded the two together. but there were times i do feel like he was played off as a joke too much.

the stevetony content is okay, i guess. i honestly wish we got more between steve and tony settling their differences beyond tony just handing the shield back and letting steve know that he figured out the issue with time travel that they’d been having. i wish we had more of them talking and working out their differences from the past. it jumped from tony telling steve that the trust is gone to him asking steve if he trusts him a little too soon without anything ever being discussed.

like really for a film that was marketed to basically be a stevetony event it didn’t really end up with that many interactions between them so it was disappointing.

i love that in the five years since the snap the remaining heroes managed to become friends. nebula and rhodey is an especially great one. and carol and rhodey’s brief interaction at the start of the film got my carolrhodey heart fluttering.

i do like the team interactions we got, even though there weren’t as many as i expected. it does feel like they’re finally seeing each other as a team again for the first time since the party scene in aou. i especially liked when they were working together to figure out when to travel back to in order to find the infinity stones, and that scene with tony, nat, and bruce together on the conference table. i wish we got more of the tony and nat friendship throughout the mcu.

the entire travel back to 2012 new york sequence was a trip. getting to see these characters interacting for the first time again was great. to see the aftermath of the battle was fun -- how they all got drinks from tony’s bar together. they seemed immediately comfortable with each other which was nice. all of them getting into the elevator together but telling the hulk to take the stairs. and speaking of hulk, bruce pretending to be 2012!hulk and smashing things halfheartedly was kinda hilarious.

the blatant ogling of steve’s ass. oh, sorry. america’s ass. that was great. thank you for servicing the stevetony shippers. and steve’s own comment about it after he got in a fistfight with his past self was funny too.

the excessive use of the word “shit” was a great callback to aou and i enjoyed it immensely.

mark 85 is sleek af and i love a shiny gold thotty boy

the cap scenes in 2012 were nice fan service. steve getting into that elevator with the strike team -- everyone thought it was going to be a reenactment of the scene from tws. but the fact that steve said “hail hydra” instead to throw them off was genius. he looked so proud of himself for that.

i like the rhodey and nebula team up. their dynamic is really great and rhodey has some of the best lines in the movie tbh. i love him.

i’m iffy on this but i don’t like that they validated howard stark’s shitty parenting. call him abusive and leave it at that. sure, he admitted that he didn’t want to turn out like his dad, but uhh i guess he did because look how his relationship with tony turned out. but i mean i’m happy for tony that he sort of got the closure he needed?? idk. i’m not sure about this.

it was really touching getting to see thor be able to talk to his mother again. i love frigga.

tony’s version of the gauntlet is fucking badass. it’s ten times sleeker than thanos’ gauntlet and just cool as hell. and dude! think about it. thanos had to travel to nidavellir to get a gauntlet made that could harness the power of the infinity stones. tony didn’t need to do that. he made his own gauntlet with his own tech and he didn’t need to go to any other planet for that. i love one genius.

steve wielding mjolnir was amazing in that moment. it was super cool, you know. he seemed so natural with it and he was even able to call lightning with it. awesome! but once we got to the ending i was like 😒 was he really that worthy. i’m really salty, okay.

the scene when all the undusted come back, and the other heroes scattered around the world join in, and they appear at the compound for that final battle -- it was incredible and very moving. thanos thought he was gonna win but nah!!! avengers assemble!! dope.

RESCUE. we waited so long and finally we were fed.

peter and tony’s hug got me bawling like a baby. i’m so distraught.

that scene with carol coming in and getting the gauntlet from peter, and all the women coming together and saying, “she has help”?? i nutted. that was amazing.

the bad and the ugly

THE SUPREME LACK OF TONY AND RHODEY CONTENT, WHAT THE FUCK. when they landed back on earth and rhodey didn’t get a chance to hug tony...hm. did not like that! let these best friends hug, ffs. and why didn’t we get to see rhodey interacting with morgan?? this is fake as hell.

it was kinda shitty that steve and co. had to show up right when tony was having a good time with his daughter to deliver the news about the quantum tunnel and time travel to tony. because of course tony would never sit idly by when there’s a problem he can solve. especially not when he’s reminded that he lost peter in that awful decimation five years ago. it’s not in his nature to not help. so that’s what he does. he solves a problem and he goes to suit up again because he would never forgive himself if he didn’t even try.

thor......they really turned him into a depressed alcoholic that’s just playing fortnite at home instead of a ruler looking after himself and the people he was supposed to protect.....they really just erased all his development from ragnarok huh. i’m mad.

also, a lack of tony and bruce interaction?? where are my science bro moments?? they were supposed to be the two biggest brains of the team working on mechanics of time travel but we really couldn’t have seen even a brief montage of them working together to science things out? wow fake!

also now that i think about it, where were dum-e and u?? where???? where were the best bots in the world?????

idk why clint and nat were the ones to go to vormir. definitely was not expecting this at all, but fuck. okay. this is where the anger really starts. okay. i get it. i get that nat sacrificed herself so that clint would have the chance to reunite with his family after this shitshow was all over. but nat had family too. she said it herself. she found her family with the avengers. but they really decided to throw another woman off the cliff to fuel more man pain. great! just great!!

seriously, nat deserved better.

they really. they really fucking killed off tony. they really did that and they had tony sacrifice himself. and all for what? shock factor? it wasn’t necessary. they didn’t need to kill him to end his arc. he could have been permanently injured instead, to the point where he wouldn’t be able to suit up again. he would have happily accepted this as his last mission. his priority was always to get home to his wife and daughter. despite the trauma he went through over the last ten years, the ptsd he came away with after sending a nuke through a wormhole, his team’s falling out, watching his best friend fall from the sky, being betrayed by someone he thought was a friend, getting stabbed by his own weapon on an alien planet, and losing a kid that he treated like his own, he managed to find a sliver of happiness with pepper and morgan. he had a happy ending. the happy ending he had wanted for the last several years. but the filmmakers took that away from him. they took away his happiness, and not just that. they took away a woman’s husband. they took away a little girl’s father. it was unnecessarily cruel and it sends a shitty message. it’s a disservice to tony, a disservice to the iron family, and a disservice to the fans that have stuck with the mcu from the very beginning, when iron man first came out and we decided to hop on for the ride.

tony deserved better.

also, rhodey should have been able to say something to tony before he drifted off for the last time. i was glad that he was the first to find tony, but they should have had their moment. this man had been with tony through thick and thin and he deserved to say his proper goodbyes.

or at the very least, they should have had a moment during tony’s funeral where the important people delivered their eulogies and spoke the words that needed to be said about tony. an explicit acknowledgement from the characters about how much tony had done, how integral he was to their success and survival, and how he made the ultimate sacrifice to get rid of their biggest threat so that the world could be put back together.

the only consolation i get from this is that tony made that sacrifice and died on the battlefield where the rest of the team could see. that the undusted and the living both are aware of how selfless tony is (and has always been), and he gave up his happy ending to make sure that the rest of them got theirs.

well his “i am iron man” was badass too so i’m glad he got to go out with that.

TONY DESERVED BETTER.

MORGAN DESERVED BETTER.

IRON FAMILY DESERVED BETTER.

(cheeseburgers broke me)

speaking of happy endings, lmfao what the fuck @ steve? i’m pissed at this ending. that was honestly the most selfish thing that steve could have done, all because the russos have always had a permanent boner for steve’s story with peggy. it’s just so sad. they won’t let him move on. his character development is stifled. it’s so backwards. peggy had a family and lived a full life without steve, but after seeing her for thirty seconds while he was in the past, he really decided that he needed to go back and spend the rest of his life with her. he threw away everything he worked for in the present -- his teammates, an unfrozen and recovered bucky, his running buddy and overall great guy sam -- for a relationship with a woman that he shared one single kiss with and that he knew for, what, like two or three years? jesus. let him move on! let him find happiness in the present! he never gave love another chance just because he thought he thought he met the love of his life 70 years ago. who’s to say he wouldn’t have found love in the present, huh??

they did him dirty. they did peggy dirty. and tbh they did sharon dirty from the very beginning. but that’s salt for another day.

so here we have tony, dead at 53 who really only experienced true happiness for five years with the woman he had been in love with for over a decade. then we have steve, who was on this earth for 105 years, then went back in time and got another 40 or so odd years of happiness with a woman he had only known for a few short years.

sure. that sounds fair. totally fair.

fuck no, it’s not. it’s a terrible fucking ending.

that’s just shit storytelling and if this was done all for the shock factor to make sure that we couldn’t guess what happens to these characters then it was a poor decision and it completely ruins tony and steve’s story arcs.

what kind of shit ending is this.

i didn’t like it.

[seanshumblehome]

The Secret Trio in:The Sons of Liberty (Final - Brotherhood).

            Danny quickly made his way to the bridge of the air-carrier, blasting any soldiers he came across.After busting through several barricades Danny finally stood before the door to the bridge of the air-carrier.He took a deep breath then gently pressed the entry button.

“Meanwhile.“

       Jake wasted no time getting to the air-carriers anti-air defenses despite the heavy resistance the soldiers put up.Once at the main control center for the anti-air Jake began breaking everything he could causing many of the anti-air guns to fall silent with the exception of those that where being manually operated, but those stood little threat as the air-force began pummeling the air-carrier. Jake then began to make his way to the engine room to see if he could help Randy sabotage the engines.

“Meanwhile.”

       Randy quietly sneaked past most of the guards, eliminating only those that guarded the engine room.Standing over a large control console Randy scratched his head in confusion as he tried to make sense of the many buttons and flashing lights of the control console.Then it came to him, it didn’t matter how he sabotaged the engine’s, just that he did.So after cracking his knuckles Randy began playing the control console like a piano causing dozens of warning lights and sirens to blare out throughout the engine room.Suddenly a powerful explosion from the main engines threw Randy back and against the floor, looking back Randy saw that three of the four main engines where dead with the four still going surprisingly strong, but it alone could not hold up the ship and as such the ship noticeably lurched froward causing Randy to slide back towards the door surprisingly fast, he attempted to slow himself but to no success, he then braced himself to slam against the door but suddenly he came to an abrupt stop. Looking up Randy was pleasantly surprised to see Jake holding him by his scarf.

“Great timing Dragon bro.“ Randy cheerfully said.

“No problem dude, looks like I was too late to help bust up the engines huh?” Jake said looking at the broken engines.

“Yeah but hey maybe Danny could use are help.” Randy mentioned.

“My thoughts exactly, let’s go.” Jake said as he put Randy back on his feet.

       Jake and Randy quickly set off and began rushing towards the bridge but stopped dead in their tracks when they encountered dozens of guards blocking their way.Randy and Jake rushed forward and engaged the enemy.

“Meanwhile.“

       The large doors slid open and Danny entered the bridge of the ship, the bridge was mostly deserted say for the silhouetted figure that stood in front of the large window that was at the far end of the room.Danny approached the figure till he was twenty feet away from him, he then lifted his arm and charged a ghost blast.

“Alright buddy, it’s over, your ships going down and your only options are to come with me or go down with the ship, so what’s it gonna be?” Danny asked sternly causing the figure to turn to face him.

       Once turned around Danny finally got to see the face of the man that attacked him that fateful night, the night that set all of this in motion.He was dressed in the same urban camouflage combat fatigues that the rest of the soldiers where wearing, he was tall with long auburn hair that was done-up in a short ponytail.His eyes where a piercing blue that combined with his stern expression sent a chill down Danny’s back.

“Who in the hell are you?” Danny timidly asked as he backed up a few steps.

“I am Ishmael and I must say that I’m impressed, tell me, how many people did you kill to get to me hm?!” Ishmael asked aggressively .

“That doesn’t matter right now.” Danny said sternly.

“Oh really?” Ishmael said “The deaths of over a thousand of my friends, colleges, and fellow soldiers doesn’t matter to you!” Ishmael continued shouted as tears formed in his eyes from a mixture of anger and sorrow.

“That’s not what...you where gonna threaten the government to give you control and if they didn’t you where gonna star nuking major cities!” Danny said stifling for a moment before shouting back causing Ishmael to laugh.

“You thought I was gonna hold the world at gunpoint with nukes and If I didn’t get what I want I would start nuking cities,” Ishmael once again laughed before looking back at Danny, “No no boy, the nukes where insurance to keep any other world super power from invading during the takeover.”

“Insurance, wait?” Danny paused in realization, “That power cell you stole from me that night, you where gonna use it as a weapon.” Danny said in stunned amazement that he had not realized it earlier. 

“Yes, the power cell would’ve been used to power the main beam weapon of this air-carrier, It would’ve been used to destroy Washington allowing my army to takeover the government and create a new nation.” Ishmael said matter a factly, “A nation created by war, where war is daily routine, where all soldiers are created equally, inadvisable under conflict.” Ishmael continued.

“T-That’s insane, do you know how many people will die in the ensuing riots, let alone the wars that would come after!” Danny exclaimed in shock.

“But don’t you understand, those without purpose would now have purpose through war, they would find meaning through conflict!” Ishmael exclaimed.

“I’ve heard enough out of you!!!” Danny shouted before firing his ghost blast.

       The ectoplasmic blast flew past Ishmael as he expertly dodged it, before Danny could follow up with a second shot, Ishmael was upon him.Then with a punishing left hook Danny’s head jerked back as Ishmael’s fist struck Danny on the side of his head, before he could react Ishmael immediately followed up with a jarring right punch to the gut.Danny keeled forward then felt Ishmael’s right hand grab him by his head and his left arm go across his chest, suddenly in one fluid motion Ishmael threw Danny to the ground, planting him right on his back. Though dazed Danny quickly got to his feet seeing that Ishmael had stepped back from him and readied himself in a fighting stance.Danny rushed forward with his ghost blade drawn but Ishmael grabbed his arm and bent it behind his back, Ishmael then kicked out Danny’s right leg causing him to fall to his back, Ishmael then  placed his knee and began punching Danny.Danny countered by kneeing Ishmael in the crouch allowing him to throw him off, Danny rushed towards Ishmael and tackled him causing them both to slam into a control console, the screen shattering due to their combined weight slamming into it. Ishmael then kneed Danny several times in the gut before throwing him off. Before Danny could get to his feet a powerful kick sent him flying back toward the door of the bridge.

“Meanwhile.“

       Exhausted both mentally and physically, Jake and Randy trudge over the limp and lifeless bodies of the Sons of Liberty elite, Randy pressed the button to open the door and both where startled when Danny slammed into Jake’s chest. Jake caught him before he could hit the floor and the boy’s watched as Ishmael was sprinting towards them.Thinking quickly Danny blasted the control panel of the door causing it to slam shut before Ishmael could reach.

“Jeez dude you looked rocked.”  Jake mentioned as he set Danny on his feet.

“For an old man he’s damn quick and surprisingly strong,” Danny said after spitting the blood out of his mouth, “You guys finish your tasks?” Danny continued as he wiped the blood from his mouth.

“Warning, critical engine failure detected, main defenses offline, all hands abandon ship, repeat, all hands abandon ship.“ The automated warning blared.

“Well then I guess that’s it then, lets get to the hanger and get out of here.“ Danny ordered.

“What about tall, mean, and lean, we’re just gonna leave him here.” Randy asked waving his sword at the door.

“I’m not, I didn’t come all this way just to let this jerk slip.” Jake growled.

“Alright fine, Jake bust the door.” Danny said with a sigh.

       Jake tore through the door with a single swing of his claws, upon doing so the boy’s noticed a hatch that was open in the center of the room.This time Danny realized exactly where Ishmael would be going.

“Get to the hangar now!“ Danny shouted as Jake and Randy fallowed close behind.

       The trio booked it to the hangar running as fast as they could, soon they reached then hanger and saw Ishmael running for a still functional shoebill. Jake wasted no time, he lunged towards Ishmael and bit down on his arm though he seem unfazed by it.Ishmael pulled out his knife and swung for Jake’s face, Jake narrowly dodged the blade and jumped back.Randy and Danny soon joined him but suddenly a massive explosion shook the air-carrier causing it to lean to the right sending them all sliding towards the open hangar door. As Ishmael slid back he pulled a large pistol and fired several rounds towards the trio, several flew past Danny and Randy but a sudden roar of agony caused Randy and Danny to turn and see Jake clutching his chest tightly as blood poured from the wound.Enraged, Danny began firing ghosts blasts at Ishmael as they slid, Ishmael yelped in pain as a beam of white hot ectoplasmatic energy struck his shoulder.Ishmael then got up and ran for the open hanger door, picking up a parachute as he ran.Danny continued firing till Ishmael jumped from the hanger, he was about to give chase till Randy called out for him. Danny rushed to Jake’s side, he had transformed back to his human form after falling unconscious, he was turning pale and his breathing was starting to slow.

“Get him on the shoebill we’ll fixing him up once we’re safe!” Danny shouted over the explosions that where occurring everywhere on the ship.

       Randy hoisted Jake onto his shoulders and the boys began to run for the drop-ship.Suddenly an explosion under the shoebill ripped the drop-ship in half and threw the trio back.

“Danny what the heck are we gonna do now!” Randy shouted in a panic.

“I-I guess I’ll have to carry you and Jake down!“ Danny exclaimed nervously.

“Are you sure you’re feeling strong enough to carry us both?!” Randy asked in concern.

“Yeah...yeah I think I can.” Danny answered, answered nervously.

       Danny and Randy approached the edge of the hanger, the ground growing closer my the second.Danny then grabbed Randy and Jake then leaped off of the edge.The wind roared past them as they fell towards the ground, Danny groan in discomfort as he strained to hold up both Randy and Jake as they flew.

“We’re almost there Danny keep it up!“ Randy shouted excitedly.

“Hrngh! not helping.” Danny exclaimed as he struggled.

       As the ground grew closer and closer, Danny’s grip on his comrades grew weaker and weaker, but there was hope, Danny saw that they where coming up on a field.If he could just hold on for a few moments longer, he could in theory, land safely there.As they approached however Danny’s grip finally gave out as he passed out and dropped Randy and Jake sending them thirty feet down. Randy grabbed Jake and they both slammed against the ground, sliding a few feet.Randy watched, stunned as Danny bounced off the ground and flew out of sight over a small hill, as much as he wanted to ensure that Danny was alright, but looking down at Jake he knew that he only had enough strength to heal Jake’s wound, after all Danny might be hurting, but he wasn't’ dying...at least he hoped so.Randy pressed his hands together and his palms began to glow a bright golden brown, Randy then pointed his hands towards Jake’s chest wound, the blast of healing energy caused Jake to groan in pain at first, until the warm feeling of his wound sealed shut and his pain numbed.With the all that he had left sapped out of him Randy could no longer fight back the exhaustion, he fell to his side and fell unconscious.

“One hour later.“

       Danny lay on the soft flowery bed of the field he and his team had crashed landed on, slowly he began to stir, groaning as he slowly arose to his feet. Danny looked around seeing only debris and wreckage from the crashed drop-ships and fighter jets.it was then when he noticed that Randy and Jake where nowhere to be seen, quickly he rushed to the top of the hill and upon reaching it he was stopped dead in his track as he saw that the air carrier had crashed landed on the side of a mountain close by.Danny then looked down to the bottom of the hill where he saw Randy and Jake lying just a few feet away. He bounded down the hill to his unconscious to ensure that they where unharmed...mostly unharmed.

“Jake, come on bud wake up.“ Danny said in concern as he stopped and carefully lifted Jake’s head up.

“Awww, why am I so sore.“ Jake mumbled as he awoke causing Danny to sigh in relief.

“Oh thank God your alive, can you stand?” Danny asked as he sat Jake up.

“Give me a moment, go make sure Randy’s fine.” Jake said as he leaned against a large rock.

       Danny nodded then approached Randy and was pleasantly surprised when Randy groaned and began to slowly get up.

“Hey bro, you able to stand?“ Danny asked as he grabbed Randy’s shoulder.

“Yeah, mind helping me up?” Randy said as he got to his knees.

      Danny carefully helped Randy to his feet, once they where all up and standing they took a long look at the air carriers smoldering wreckage, they all felt a strange mix of emotions, some good, some bad, and a little in-between. Each of them where all tangled up in their own webs of emotional thought that is until Randy finally spoke.

“Do you think anyone survived the crash?“ Randy asked solemnly.

“No, I think we’re the only ones who got off that ship, besides the leader.”   Danny answered stoically causing Randy to bow his head as he attempted to hide his tears.

“Should we go looking for him?“ Jake asked.

“No, we’re in no shape to fight him again, especially you.” Danny answered causing Jake to growl in stubborn acknowledge meant of his wounded state, “Besides, I think the country is safe now, which means are friends and families are safe which means...”

“We can all go home now right?“ Randy asked.

“Yeah, let’s go, can’t be that far of a walk back to town.“ Danny said as he turned to go back over the hill.

       The trio then began to limp away from their landing site, and slowly they began walking towards civilization.Despite being exhausted from they continued, talking about what they where going to do after they got home.Randy proudly admit to having a date he needed to finish while Jake went off on a list of thing he would do once he got back to New York.Danny mentioned that he would most likely celebrate his victory with his friends once back in Toronto, but suddenly after several minutes of travel they began to hear something that sounded like engines...jet engine’s.

“Please tell me I’m the only one hearing that?” Randy asked nervously.

“Nah dude, I’m hearing it to.“ Jake answered nervously as he looked around.

“It’s sounds like it’s coming from the front.“ Danny said as he scanned the skies.

        Then like an angle descending from heaven a shoebill appeared out of the dust cloud above them and slowly turned so the troop bay would face the trio.

“It’s a government ship.”  Danny said with sigh.

“Oh man we are so boned.“ Jake said nervously.

“Maybe they’ll understand why we stole the drop ships.” Randy said slightly hopeful.

“I doubt it, Randy, Jake, if anything happens run for it got.” Danny ordered surprising Randy and Jake.

“What?! Heck no, we didn’t make it all this way and survive all that just to leave you here.“ Jake shot back as transformed into his dragon form.

“Yeah, we stick together no matter what we’re fight, that’s what bro’s do for each other.” Randy said as he pulled out his ninja sword.

“Are you guys sure, we could be in a lot of trouble.“ Danny warned, but Randy and Jake only responded with a nod, “Alright well no backing out now.” Danny continued as he took a deep breath and built up his confidence.

       The trio watched as the shoebill set down in front of them and the troop bay door slammed to the ground with a thud.The two U.S. soldiers behind the door rushed out and positioned themselves on either side of the drop-ship, followed closely by the last soldier who ran past the boy’s, they seemed to be completely ignoring them until the all clear went out amongst them causing all three soldiers to turn their attention to the trio.Looking back at the shadowy troop bay the boy’s watched as a the last occupant exited the troop bay.Upon seeing her the boy’s where all so stunned that they didn’t even know how to react, for before them stood a legend, no...the legend.

“That can’t be.“ Randy mumbled in fear.

“Oh crap.” Jake whimpered.

“K-Kim Possible.” Randy and Jake said in star struck amazement while Danny remind silent.

“Three years.“ Kim said with a sigh as she took off her sunglasses,”Three long years of investigating, complying evidence, forming a planing of attack, even going as far as to faking my own retirement,  all of that hard work just done the tubes when I suddenly get a call that a ghost, a ninja, and their pet dragon where spotted making their way to the base of operations of the Son’s of Liberty.” Kim said in stern tone.

“We where just protecting are homes.“ Randy muttered weakly.

“Yeah we where just doing the right thing yo.” Jake said with a whimper.

       Kim sighed, shaking her head in frustration but before she could speak Danny, mustering every last ounce of courage and strength he had left, stepped forward.

“Look here, we saw a danger not only to ourselves or our families, but to the entire country!“ Danny exclaimed, “And look I know we shouldn’t have stolen those drop-ships but no one believed us until...well look!“ Danny continued pointing at the Son’s of Liberties crashed air-carrier.

“Let me finish.“ Kim said glaring at Danny, “Now despite all the trouble you boy’s caused, the President himself sent me to thank you and get you all back home safely, so on behalf of America and her people...Thank you.“ Kim said ending with a proud smile causing the boy’s to sigh with relief.

“So wait, we’re not in trouble?“ Randy asked confused.

“The President waved your actions as...necessary collateral damage.“ Kim responded nonchalantly as she turned to enter the shoebill, “Now come on, you boy’s will need some rest before I send you back to your homes.” Kim said turning to face them.

“Oh...well that’s helpful.” Danny said pleasantly surprised.

“Shouldn’t we go get are stuff?” Jake asked.

“No need. I picked up your stuff on the way here.” Kim said causing the boy’s to sigh in relief.

       The trio piled into the shoebill’s troop bay with the three soldiers and Kim. Danny stood in the open door of the troop bay watching the wreckage of the destroyed air-carrier grow smaller and smaller as they flew away.He knew that Ishmael was still out there and until he was captured, the country wouldn’t be safe for long.He then closed the door and sat down with a sigh of relief as his sore and tired body final caught a moment to rest.He looked towards Randy and Jake to see that they had both passed out next to Kim.He smiled, nodded his head then leaned back allowing the sweet embrace of sleep to envelop him. Kim giggled, she had been in their place many times before, but she knew that this was far from being over.No...this was only the beginning.

The End.

[batmandarknightrisise-blog]

The Dark Knight Rises: Film Review

The real world threats of terrorism, political anarchy and economic instability make deep incursions into the cinematic comic book domain in The Dark Knight Rises. Big-time Hollywood filmmaking at its most massively accomplished, this last installment of Christopher Nolan's Batman trilogy makes everything in the rival Marvel universe look thoroughly silly and childish. Entirely enveloping and at times unnerving in a relevant way one would never have imagined, as a cohesive whole this ranks as the best of Nolan's trio, even if it lacks -- how could it not? -- an element as unique as Heath Ledger's immortal turn in The Dark Knight. It's a blockbuster by any standard.

PHOTOS: Batman Through The Years: Christian Bale, George Clooney and Others Who've Played the Dark Knight

The director daringly pushes the credibility of a Gotham City besieged by nuclear-armed revolutionaries to such an extent that it momentarily seems absurd that a guy in a costume who refuses to kill people could conceivably show up to save the day. This is especially true since Nolan, probably more than any other filmmaker who's ever gotten seriously involved with a superhero character, has gone so far to unmask and debilitate such a figure. But he gets away with it and, unlike some interludes in the previous films, everything here is lucid, to the point and on the mark, richly filling out (especially when seen in the Imax format) every moment of the 164-minute running time.

the dark knight rises full movie in hindi filmyzilla

In a curtain raiser James Bond would kill for, a CIA aircraft transporting terrorists is sensationally hijacked in midair by Bane (Tom Hardy), an intimidating hulk whose nose and mouth are encumbered by a tubular, grill-like metal mask which gives his voice an artificial quality not unlike that of Darth Vader. What Bane is up to is not entirely clear, but it can't be good.

Batman’s Onscreen Villains: 10 Greats From The Joker to Bane

Although it's only been four years since the last Batman film, eight years of dramatic time have elapsed since the climactic events depicted in The Dark Knight. Batman and Bruce Wayne (Christian Bale) have been in suspiciously simultaneous total seclusion, much to the consternation of loyal valet Alfred (Michael Caine), who, upbraiding his boss for inaction, accuses him of “just waiting for things to get bad again.” They do, in a hurry. But in the interim, Gotham has scarcely missed him, as he's publicly blamed for the death of D.A. Harvey Dent and hasn't needed him anyway since organized crime has virtually disappeared.

Bruce begins being dragged back into the limelight by slinky Selina Kyle (Anne Hathaway), a spirited cat burglar who lifts his fingerprints and a necklace from his safe while pulling a job at his mansion. It was always a question how this ambiguous feline character (never called Catwoman herein) would be worked into the fabric of this Batman series, but co-screenwriters Jonathan and Christopher Nolan, working from a story by the director and David S. Goyer, have cannily threaded her through the tale as an alluring gadfly and tease who engages in an ongoing game of one-upmanship with Batman and whose selfishness prevents her from making anything beyond opportunistic alliances.

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Commandeering the city's sewers with his fellow mercenaries, Bane begins his onslaught, first with an attempted kidnapping of Commissioner Gordon (Gary Oldman), then with a brazen attack on the Stock Exchange, which, at the film's 45-minute mark, has the double effect of luring Batman out of hiding and bankrupting Bruce Wayne. The latter catastrophe forces the fallen tycoon to ask wealthy, amorously inclined board member Miranda Tate (Marion Cotillard) to assume control of his company to squeeze out Daggett (Ben Mendelsohn), who's in cahoots with Bane.

Nolan has thus boldly rooted his film in what are arguably the two big worries of the age, terrorism and economic collapse, the result of which can only be chaos. So when virtually the entire Gotham police force is lured underground to try to flush out Bane, the latter has the lawmen just where he wants them, trapped like animals in a pen waiting for slaughter. And the fact that Gotham City has, for the first time, realistically used New York City for most of its urban locations merely adds to the topical resonance of Bane's brilliantly engineered plot, in which he eventually takes the entire population of Manhattan hostage. Nolan has always been a very serious, even remorseless filmmaker, and never more so than he is here.

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Inducing Selina to take him to Bane, Batman gets more than he bargained for; physically, he's no match for the mountainously muscled warrior, who sends the legendary crime fighter off to a literal hellhole of a prison, with the parting promise of reducing Gotham to ashes. Seemingly located in the Middle East, the dungeon resembles a huge well and has been escaped from only once, by none other than Bane, who is said to have been born there and got out as a child.

Here, as elsewhere, there are complex ties leading back to the comic books that link characters and motivations together; with Bruce and Bane, it is with the League of Shadows, which occasions the brief return of Liam Neeson's Ra's Al Ghul, last seen in Batman Begins (in 2005). A solid new character, Joseph Gordon-Levitt's resourceful street cop John Blake, is a grateful product of one of the Wayne Foundation's orphanages. Many of the characters wear masks, either literal or figurative; provocatively, Batman's mask hides his entire face except for his mouth, the very part of Bane which is covered. This is just one of the motifs the Nolans have used to ingeniously plot out the resolution to their three-part saga, which involves at least one major, superbly hidden surprise.

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While Bruce Wayne languishes in the pit rebuilding his strength for an escape attempt, Bane spectacularly and mercilessly reverses the entire social order of Gotham City: 1,000 dangerous criminals are released from prison, the rich are tossed out of their uptown homes, the remaining police hide out like rats underground, and a “people's court” (presided over by Cillian Murphy's Scarecrow) dispenses death sentences willy-nilly. With virtually all bridges and tunnels destroyed, no one can leave the island, which is threatened by a fusion device, initially developed by Bruce and his longtime tech genius Lucius Fox (Morgan Freeman) as a clean energy source but now transformed at Bane's behest into a nuke, which he promises to use.

Some of the action scenes, such as multiple chases involving the armed motorcycle Bat-Pod (mostly ridden by Selina) and the cool new one-man jet chopper-like aircraft called The Bat that zooms through the city's caverns like something out of the early Star Wars, have something of a familiar feel. But the opening skyjacking, the Stock Exchange melee and especially the multiple explosions that bring the city to its knees -- underground, on bridges and, most strikingly, in a football stadium -- are fresh and brilliantly rendered, as are all the other effects. The film reportedly cost $250 million, but it would be easy to believe that the figure was quite a bit more, so elaborate is everything about the production.

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But the fact that all the money has been put to the use of making the severe dramatic events feel so realistic -- there's not a hint of cheesiness or the cartoonlike -- ratchets up the suspense and pervasive feeling of unease. One knows going in that this film will mark the end of Batman, at least for now and as rendered by Bale and Nolan, but for the first time there is the sense that it could also really be the end for Batman, that he might be sacrificed, or sacrifice himself, for the greater good.

Needing to portray both his characters as vulnerable, even perishable, Bale is at his series best in this film. At times in the past his voice seemed too artificially deepened and transformed; there's a bit of that here, but far less, and, as Bruce becomes impoverished and Batman incapacitated, the actor's nuances increase. Caine has a couple of surprisingly emotional scenes to play and handles them with lovely restraint, while other returnees Oldman and Freeman deliver as expected.

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Bane is a fearsome figure, fascinating in his physicality and blithely confident approach to amoral anarchy. With the mask strapped to his head at all times and his voice altered, Hardy is obliged to express himself mostly through body language, which he does powerfully, and at a couple of key moments his eyes speak volumes. All the same, the facial and verbal restrictions provide emotive limitations, and his final moments onscreen feel almost thrown away; one feels a bit cheated of a proper sendoff.

Hathaway invests her catlike woman with verve and impudence, while Cotillard is a warm and welcome addition to this often forbidding world. Even though Nolan and Bale have made it clear that The Dark Knight Rises marks their farewell to Bruce Wayne and Batman, the final shot clearly indicates the direction a follow-up offshoot series by Warner Bros. likely will take.

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As before, the production values are opulent and sensational; nothing short of the highest praise can be lavished on the work of production designers Nathan Crowley and Kevin Kavanaugh, cinematogtapher Wally Pfister, costume designer Lindy Hemming, visual effects supervisor Paul Franklin, special effects supervisor Chris Corbould, editor Lee Smith, composer Hans Zimmer and sound designer Richard King, just for starters.

The only conspicuous faux pas is a big continuity gaffe that has the raid on the Stock Exchange take place during the day but the subsequent getaway chase unfold at night.

Nearly half the film, including all the big action scenes, was shot with large-format Imax cameras and, with both versions having been previewed, the 70mm Imax presentation that will be shown in 102 locations worldwide is markedly more vivid visually and powerful as a dramatic experience; the normal 35mm prints, while beautiful, are somewhat less sharp.

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Despite all the advanced technology deployed to make The Dark Knight Rises everything it is, Nolan remains proudly and defiantly old school (as only the most successful directors can get away with being these days) when it comes to his filmmaking aesthetic, an approach indicated in a note at the end of the long final credits: “This motion picture was shot and finished on film.”