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thebluestbluewords · 3 years

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HEIST HEIST HEIST

I saw this post today and got inspired, SO here is Descendants Could Have Been A Heist Movie, thebluestbluewords take :

(this is very much an outline and not a full fic yet, but I might yet write this someday)

Taking this whole heist movie idea very seriously, this would be (and might yet be if I have the time for it) a fic about how the first Descendants movie would have gone if it had been a heist movie, rather than a fairytale.

The main plot of the movie is no longer about learning to choose good and seeing that kids don’t have to follow in the footsteps of their parents- it’s now a high school political intrigue about stealing a wand.

(don’t worry about the larger themes there- the wand might be stolen for many self-serving reasons that go beyond 'doing what their parents say'. Maybe they’re stealing it to make a larger statement about opening the isle. Or about how treating villains as villains is wrong and they deserve trust because it makes things so much more fun for them in the long run)

(can you tell I haven’t decided on the overall tone of this AU yet lmao)

The story starts when the VKs are being told to get the wand, hand it over, it’ll be easy.

Sure, they say.

Sounds great, they say.

Give us your spellbook and magic mirror and whatever else you’ve got to give, and we absolutely won’t use them to betray you and open the isle on our own terms, they don’t say.

(this story ends before we get to that point, but the implication is there)

The kids arrive in Auradon, as in canon.

Unlike canon, they don’t immediately go for a break-and-enter approach to the museum, because if they’re going to heist this, they’re going to do it right. A good heist takes planning, and patience, and research.

What they do is wait until the weekend, and then inform the school admin that they want to get to know the culture of Auradon.

The museum seems like a great place to start, Evie says earnestly.

We didn’t have anything like it back on the Isle, adds Mal. It would be such a good learning opportunity for us.

And we could see the town. And the candy store. Say the boys.

The school admin caves, because it would be wrong to deny these kids a chance to get to know this history of goodness! They’re just teenagers, and they’ve been doing so well with their first week, and of course they can go into town, do they want a school car to drop them off?

They do not.

The museum is kind of a bust. They spend some time scoping out the security, but they’ve had a whole week to magically-google everything they can about this place, and it’s not much of a surprise that there’s a functionally unbreakable magical alarm system set up around all of the objects.

Time to reassess the plan.

(this is where the political intrigue comes in)

Ben is still a Fundamentally Decent (if slightly boring) guy in this.

Of course, he’s also the one on the line if this whole villainy exchange program goes wrong. It shouldn’t be a surprise that he would come to check up on his flagship students after they have a day out exploring the town.

Oho, Mal thinks. Here’s something they can work with.

Ben is sweet. He’s not terribly interesting, at least at first, but he seems like a guy who genuinely cares about the idea of bringing villain kids over, and can probably be manipulated to their purposes without too much effort.

So the VKs think over their potential plans to get the wand, and decide that yeah, if they can get an in with the future king of Auradon, that’s probably a pretty solid place to start.

Unfortunately, they decide to start this attempt by blatantly flirting.

Audrey is very much a political presence in this fic. She’s not evil by any means, but she is goal oriented and doesn’t necessarily love the idea of VKs coming in and altering her five year plan for herself and her boyfriend.

(I think Aurdey is an interesting character, and I wish she’d been given some better motivations in the first movie beyond ‘mean girl in a high school movie’. So in this fic, where they do still crown the incoming royalty at sixteen, they also believe in setting up children for advantageous marriages. Audrey and Ben have been pushed at each other since they were kids, and yeah, maybe there’s not a lot of actual love between them, but they’re friends and it’s way easier to just date each other and make their parents happy than refuse and risk losing the sway they get with their parents by being the good little obedient golden children who are happy to be put together if it’s what’s best for the future of the realm.)

The point of this is, the VKs send Mal in with her very best flirting, taught to her by Evie in a truly hopeless training montage, and it just-

Fails. Completely.

And now Audrey sort of hates them.

Great.

The other unfortunate piece of this heist is that the relationships between the co-conspirators, the core four, are….somewhat intense. Charged, if you will, with a certain kind of tension.

I’m not saying that Malvie hook up in their pink princess dorm room on the first night and then don’t talk about it for the rest of the story despite blatantly flirting with each other all the time, but yeah actually that might be what I’m saying.

This is the middle of the fic now, and there’s some kind of political drama that leads to the VKs finding out about the coronation.

Maybe it’s teammate bonding, because I think it’s tragically underutilized that Ben and Jay are canonically both sports bros and I want more of that sweet high school sports team drama content.

The point is, they find out about the coronation, and that the wand will be out and about during that day.

Oho, they say. An opportunity.

Building on the sports bros theme, Lonnie gets to be in this story! She’s a cool character and I have a couple of unfinished ideas for her kicking around my fic drive, so she’s going to be here too.

Lonnie finds the VKs in a somewhat compromising state of planning.

Uh, what the fuck is this, she says.

What do you THINK, says Mal, who is not known for keeping her mouth shut.

Looks like...some kind of statement that you’re going to make during the coronation, says Lonnie, who is a nice person and also didn’t hear/see all that much of the planning before she was noticed. (as I’m typing this up I am also remembering the School of Secrets shorts?? Lonnie is absolutely going in this fic as someone who spies on her new friends. It’s almost like canon. She’s the daughter of Mulan. She can sneak when she wants to)

Yes. Exactly. A peaceful political statement, says Evie, who is often a quicker thinker than the others. We are going to… sit at the front in protest. Of how we have been treated. As villains. We deserve the same respect as other students, regardless of who our parents are.

Lonnie is surprisingly on board with this, because honestly, based on some of her costume choices in d1, magical disney utopias seem to be overwhelmingly white for the most part and do not know how to support their international students very well.

(am I still mad about the awful dress she was wearing during the family day scene?? yes.)

So now they have Lonnie on board with their made-up protest plan, and they’ve got Ben and Jay being… actually bros, weirdly enough, and somehow there’s got to be high school political intrigue that I haven’t thought through yet (maybe a group who doesn’t approve of the villainy exchange program is trying to get Ben declared unfit?? Idk. Maybe it’s just different mini kingdoms angling for a good position, and it matters Very Deeply who sits where at the coronation and it’s a whole deal. That one probably works a bit better.) and it’s altogether getting Pretty Far Into Things.

Family day isn’t a big conflict in this AU, because the VKs don’t really care about the whole family gathering and party business without Mal being involved with Ben. They decide to have a chill time hanging out and plotting their heist instead. The wand is going to be taken out before the coronation, but rather than try and grab it in the middle of things, it’s got to be easier to grab it right before or after, while it’s in transport.

They have multiple people who can pick locks. People who can charm guards into letting their guard down for a bit. Ways of getting around even electronic lock systems, given some time.

They hang around the classroom a bit longer after their parent phone call, and get to talking with Fairy Godmother about how maybe, possibly, they could get a real place up at the front during the coronation. It’s a good distraction, and hearing more about the logistics of how things are going to go on the day itself is a perfect segue into asking more about the objects that are used during the coronation. It’s important to understand their new home! No other reason they’d want to know about the history and powers of her wand.

No other reason at all.

They learn that the wand is going into secure storage in Fairy Godmother’s office for the day before the ceremony. Of course, it’s going to be safe enough there. The magical wards at the museum are mostly there in case of emergency, and they’re really more about making sure none of the objects get damaged than they are about theft.

There are no more villains in Auradon, after all.

All things considered, it’s shockingly easy to break into Fairy Godmother’s office the night before the coronation. The wand is in a safe with some magic barriers around it, but Mal has her mother’s spellbook, and Evie has a magic mirror that can look up the answer to pretty much anything they ask, so it’s short work for a pair of magic users who have been practicing their spellwork since they day they left the isle to break the temporary barriers down.

There’s a regular human lock as well, and they give that one to Jay. He’s their lockpicking expert, after all.

And there it is.

Mal grabs the wand. There’s a surge of magical energy up through her hand, burning everywhere she’s touching the silvery metal, but in a way that feels like strength.

And all hell breaks loose.

#my fic #descendants fic #disney descendants #this got long very fast and I might need to write at least part of it now #core four #mal bertha #evie grimhilde #jay son of jafar #carlos de vil #i realize that I did not go very far into what these kids are actually DOING beyond the plotting and the answer is Simply Vibing #making friends and influencing people #stirring up drama just because they can #Audrey might actually need to be a major character in this #she's not necessarily the antagonist but she's not an ally either #she and Ben don't break up in this AU but she does let Ben get away with plausible deniability when it comes to flirting with other guys #partially because she doesn't really care if he's into men so long as he's going to marry her #and he does care about her #they've been friends since childhood and it's a weird political landscape when children are coming of age at sixteen #and expected to start participating in governance #also there's a whole lot of tiny kigdoms that basically have their own ruling systems in place #they just also have a larger king who keeps them together for a couple things #like kicking out villains #and having unified borders in times of outside conflict #so that the smaller kingdoms don't get wiped off the map #but that's not the POINT the POINT is the HEIST #steal the wand in a way that is meticulously planned for the whole story leading up to the moment of actual theft #a thruline that's not romance #this is loosely canon pairings as of the beginning of d1 #so like #no actual ships

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primerealestate · 4 years

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“Retro-Active Reality.”

The application was delightfully enigmatic and mysterious. You weren’t worried about viruses, spyware, or anything like that. You knew and trusted the creator, he was a highschool friend of yours, a weirdo loner for sure, into occult stuff, but not a bad guy.

The Retro-Active Reality App wanted you to upload a “source image” and a “modified image”. The GUI was incredibly minimalistic, no colours or images, just those two widgets asking for an image upload. It was fascinating, like a little puzzle. The README your friend had posted alongside the file was steeped in dense lingo and undecipherable. “image-based differentiation elicits causal re-reification into an alternate chronology” Whelp, the only way to find out the function of the app was to try it. It was begging for an experiment.

“A source image and a modified image...” you mumbled to yourself. You happened to have a photoshopped image on your computer. You felt a pang of sadness looking at it. Your stepsister had never been happy with her body. Rather than a late-bloomer she wasn’t a bloomer at all, stuck at a height just below five feet. She was often mistaken for a child.

She really hated it, to the point that it was a psychiatric condition. She had asked you to shop an image of her in underwear and heels to show what she’d look like if she were six feet. The height she was “supposed to be”. You were good with photoshop so you indulged her, but she had become obsessed with the image. It was body dismorphia, her short body caused her agony, the altered picture embodied a perfect reality in which she was happy with herself. It got so bad that she had to drop out of college and enter a clinical health program full-time.

You almost didn’t use the images. They were of a highly personal nature. But your curiosity got the better of you and you uploaded them, both the original and the modified version. Just as the upload completed you felt a sharp static go through you, a short jolt akin to the tingle in a sleeping foot permeated you and all the world around you. “Fuck!” You fell out of your chair. “What the hell was that?”

The application return to its previous state, as if you hadn’t uploaded anything. You considered re-trying, but the original unmodified version of the image had disappeared from your computer somehow. You had just about given up discovering the nature of the program by yourself and were about to message your friend, when you suddenly heard a set of keys unlock your front door.

You were suppose to live alone. A little campus apartment to be close to the lecture halls of the college, the place was small and cheap enough not to need roommates. Yet somebody had just entered through your front door. You grabbed a heavy object and went to check it out.

The person you saw there you recognized by face, though not by body. “Hey bro.” She casually mumbled as she removed her coat and closed the door behind her.

She resembled your stepsister. But instead of tiny she was a tall slender beauty, exactly like the photoshopped image. She was wearing tight jeans and a V-neck, exactly like all pretty girls did nowadays to flaunt their bodies.

“Sis. You’re.. tall!” You stammered.

“Hell. I wish.” She sighed as she walked past you. “I stopped growing after six feet. I kinda wish I was taller, you know? Taller than you.” She plopped down on the bed next to your computer.

“You’re coming to visit?” You tried to make conversation as you looked at her body up and down. Even without being blood related, it was awkward being this attracted to someone legally your sibling.

“Huh? I’m staying here, aren’t I?” She chatted distractingly while staring at her phone. “Since it’s close to class.”

“...Right.” Your mind was racing. The app had given your stepsister the body she’d always dreamt of, but to her it was like she had always had it. History had been re-written so that she’d never had dismorphia and didn’t have to drop out of college. A major drama had suddenly, retro-actively, been removed from your family as if by magic. You just couldn’t grasp the reality of the situation, it was too dream-like. You had to try the app again.

“When you say wish you were taller...” you begin, “how tall is that? Can you show me?”

You opened the modified, now original, image in photoshop.

“You still have that?” She laughed, a bit flustered. “I just had you take it to make my friends jelous.”

“Give me some idea on what your ideal body would be.” You murmured. You were getting self-conscious about looking at an image of your sister in underwear alongside said sister.

“If my head could just... hit the door post.” She pondered. “But make it leg height, don’t just stretch my torso... Yeah.”

You were busy with the edits for some time, but eventually you created a realistic rendition of your stepsister as a seven foot tall amazon with enormous rockers. You opened the application and looked at her, she had pre-occupied herself with something else now. She was staring at her phone while laying on the bed.

You wondered if you should really alter her body without her consent. But then you decided that consent doesn’t matter if you’re doing a good thing, and you hit upload.

Again a shock went through all of reality. When you recovered you saw that her entire outfit had changed. Instead of the currently trendy fashion she was wearing a tube top and daisy duke, her bodyhair shaved everywhere. Once again you had changed history, and once again you had altered her personality and tastes. It seemed like she was a lot more eager to show off her figure now that she had so much of it. Not too mention how she would have composed a whole different wardrobe with different measurements.

She stretched herself on your bed, putting her feet and arms against either wall. “Step-bro...” She flicked her red hair and looked you straight in the eyes. “I’m hot.” Her voice sounded purring and seductive.

“That... you are.” You couldn’t muster up any intelligent response.

“Take of my clothes for me?” She purred.

“I...” Nothing about this was sane or appropiate.

“Remember when your dad and my mom would leave, we would play these games?” A lustful grin crept over her face as she grabbed your hand and pulled you onto her on the bed. “I want to play more of those games with you...”

You didn’t remember any of these games. Perhaps there was a version of you somewhere that did, that was now dead or had switched places with you. These complicated thoughts poofed out of your head as you felt her body. She was everything a man could ever hope for, an absolute expression of pure feminine sex appeal. Mindlessly you began to take off her tube top for her.

Underneath was her bra... her bra. The same one she had had in the picture. You noticed how the pattern was stretched and blurry. It looked like a misprint, a factory mistake. Somewhere, somehow, a factory had accidentally made a blurry bra. All because of your image upload.

“Bro... pull it all the way, I can’t see.” Your stepsister insisted.

“Just a moment.” You said. “I have to make a phone call.

---

“That app!” You almost screamed over the phone.

“Did you try it out?” Your friend asked.

“Try it out? I have a titty monster in my bedroom.”

“Nice.”

“How the hell does it work?”

“Didn’t you read the README?”

“Yeah. Not much help that was.”

“Basically, it makes the altered image the original image, and forces reality to adjust. Reality takes the path of least resistance, you know, so the smallest possible changes occur that it can get away with. If your edit is too outlandish it will invent a technical error or an instagram filter to explain it.”

“But... what... this is all impossible. It’s magic!”

“Yes. Wait... You didn’t believe my magic was real?” Your friend sounded disappointed.

You breathed deeply in and out. “Do you know the implications? This is a god-like power. In an app! You can do anyting you want.”

“IF you’re a good photoshopper.” He said. “Imagine if you try to make something impossible into reality.”

You gulped.

“So I’m leaving it to you. Keep practicing on titty monsters. We’ll get to the god-stuff later.”

You mulled it over. “Okay... just.. celebrity morphs and stuff.”

“Sure.”

“Okay. Speak to you later, I’m gonna have sex with my stepsister.”

“Wait wh-”

#reality_change stepsister growth height_increase breast_expansion

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mnemehoshiko · 5 years

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STAR WARS INTO DARKNESS

A (Salt) Review of Star Wars Episode 9: The Rise of Skywalker.

Warning 1: All opinions are mine and no one (sadly) paid me for them.

Warning 2: I’m going to strive to be charitable as possible. Keyword, STRIVE.

It finally came. The conclusion to the Skywalker Saga, a nine film series starting with Shmi Skywalker and her lineage.

When we left the The Last Jedi; Finn was tenderly checking up on Rose who endangered her life to save him. Steadily finding his place in the Resistance and deciding that it was a cause worth fighting for. Ben Solo, also known to the galaxy as Kylo Ren, has just killed his life long abuser but failed to relinquish himself from the ties of the past. Rey was dealing with detaching herself from the idea that she needed to Be Someone in Order to Do Something only to realise that she, a nobody, was good enough. As Leia Organa said, we have all we need.

Cool right?

Yeah, just forget that movie. Actually, just forget like any development that occurred over the last two movies. Furthermore, turn your brain off. No, really please remove any kind of higher cognitive function and any knowledge of Star Wars beyond “pew, pew, pew” and “wOOO”. That’s literally the only way to truly enjoy this film.

This movie is a quest. A long big-budget multi-step fetch quest. Fetch quests are a common part of RPGs and can be enjoyable! Add to the narrative! Interactive. A movie that is nothing but fetch quest after fetch quest to the point that honestly, the first two thirds of the movie could have been dropped because it was so distressingly nonsensical.

Loose summary;

Ben Solo is on a planet. Being very very lorge and murking people left and right. Why? Because reasons. That this planet happens to be Mustafar and that he’s killing Vader Cultists evidently is not considered relevant. Even though Ben Solo introduction in TFA, which JJ wrote (with the assistance of Kasdan and Arndt), is basically as Vader’s #1 fanboy. But who cares about narrative information when you have sweet sweet red lighting and like a flight scene.

Anyway, Ben heads to Exegol because evidently that’s where the fancy schmancy totally Not A Holocron is directing him towards. In which he approaches some goth-esque temple with vats of Snokes. Yes, You Heard Correctly, Vats of Snokes. And Palpatine. Who’s just hanging on a crane. Just chillin’ and gleefully tells Ben Solo that he’s been every voice in his head since birth. So learning your abuser is still alive is totally dope. But hey, PALPATINE IS BACK! REMEMBER PALPATINE? ISN’T THAT COOL, yells JJ Terrio desperately trying to like Hype You Up And Remind You Of The Star Wars of Their Childhood.

Finn and Poe “I Have Literally No Purpose To Any of This Narrative and JJ Terrio is About to Fuck Over My Backstory” Dameron are getting data from a contact. For some reason a glorified dick-shaped Alien is there. Consequently, this is the same alien that replaced Rose Tico on merchandise. A reasonable person with minimal brain function would assume it’s because he plays a critical role in the plot. Remember what I said about thinking? Stop it. Klaud is there primarily for you to admire that JJ’s tentacle kink is Alive and Well and Thus Everything Is True (tm) Star Wars Again.

Rey is floating surrounded by rocks because That’s What Cool Jedi Do. Then she does a training course because after two films we have absolutely no proof that she has any fight training, according to Reddit and like JJ Terrio is trying to get Reddit to go to the Star Wars Prom with them. So, we need a training montage and Rey going to robo-Leia and saying that she will “earn [Leia’s] brother’s saber”. Why would she want to earn a grumpy curmudgeon who fucked over his only nephew and hid from his twin sister for years? Well, JJ Terrio dreamed of earning Luke’s saber and like what is the purpose of writing other than Wish Fulfillment.

Palpatine is back! Why? We don’t know and we don’t even know what he said because evidently it was decided that it belonged in Fortnite...instead of the film. Why? Here’s a lollipop and a pew pew to stop thinking sweetie. Either way he’s on Exegol and Rey saw notes scribbled in the margins that you need a Sith Holocro-- I mean ~Sith Wayfinder~ --because JJ has never seen Star Wars since he saw it in the theaters in 1983-- to get there. Which is on Pasaana.

WHICH IS HAVING SPACE BURNING MAN RIGHT NOW! (which happens every forty two years. Which is how long ago Star Wars Episode 4 Premiered. Remember fans! Isn’t that a Cool Thing To Drop? says JJ Terrio deftly skimming Reddit in order to gain fanbros love and affection and nostalgia boners.) LOOK AT ALL THE ALIENS DOING THE SPACE MACARENA! Because WOO DON’T YOU LOVE PARTY SCENES?

The force bond shows up and you can some how transfer stuff between the bond? Which like in the hands of another writer would be fascinating and engaging. Sadly, this is a JJ Terrio production and nuanced storytelling and dialogue is Fake and Not Star Wars.

Either way, Ben knows that they’re there and they are running from stormtroopers RIGHT INTO LANDO CALRISSIAN,-- remember him? goes JJ Terrio. You remember Lando right?. I do, I go. I’ve seen the movies and you’ve given no reason why Finn and Rey would know who the fuck he is seeing how he’s evidently been living as a hermit In The Same Outfit for over a decade. (BUT REMEMBER HIM, whines J.J. Terrio. Yes, I do. I SAW THE FUCKING OT JJ).

Anyway, more exposition occurs because JJ Terrio has no understanding how visual language works and it detracts from Real Star Wars Things Like - Space Chases - Pew Pew - Witty quips! because Witty quips! Are Important for A Star Wars, says JJ Terrio.

Nevermind that stormtroopers could fly since the Clone Wars and there’s literally no reason as to why Finn would not know this but like that would require you to give him

- a character arc - character growth - dialogue beyond “WOOOOO” and “REYYYYYY” (also side notes; it was depressing as fuck seeing Finn’s growth in TLJ to going beyond being Rey-centric to only spend the entire movie yelling a White Lady’s Name. I GO TO THE THEATRE TO NOT SEE REALITY, JJ.)

JJ Terrio: BUT HE’S FORCE SENSITIVE?? me, who’s been on the Finn is Force Sensitive Train since TFA: AND YOU DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WITH IT AND IMPLIED THAT IT WAS ONLY REASON HE WAS ABLE TO FIGHT THE STORMTROOPER PROGRAMMING??? (i.e. this is really fucking gross eugenics shit pls stop JJ Terrio and like just stop)

*deep breath*

ANYWAY, where was I? Oh yeah, Star Wars Into Darkness.

Either way, they find the Subtle Knife a Sith dagger? Along with force healing foreshadowing. But they have a dagger! Which They Can’t Read! But Threepio can! But He Can’t Say It Out Loud Because His Programming Forbids It.

And then the KoR, the galatic boy band, and Ben show up because of course. And they capture Chewie and put him on a transport.

Rey, of course, reaches out to Stop The Transport.

Ben, tries to stop her.

They to a back and forth that is similar to TLJ without any of the emotional build up of TLJ but that’s because JJ Terrio believes Emotions Are Not Star Wars.

And she lets loose LIGHTNING and makes the transport blow up and she believes Chewie is dead. Problem: Chewie isn’t dead. Which means she would be able to sense him in the Force. “But Mneme”, you say, “the Force isn’t like a GPS where you just Sense People.” That’s fair! Except....then...she does...when she’s on the Snow Planet. So like???

Either way, we have a Dagger that We Need to Read That Threepio Can’t Say Out Loud.

A Solution That Uses Braincells: well we know that the Millenium Falcon has three droid brains! So like we could just hook up Threepio to like the Falcon and transmit the codes and get some really great Easter eggs re: the Falcon and like the setup of the ship!

....

JJ Terrio: OR WE COULD GO TO THIS SNOW PLANET me: wha-- JJ Terrio: SNOW PLANET WHERE POE DAMERON RAN SPICE me: did you just make....your Only Latino Character Into A---Drug Runner JJ Terrio: REMEMBER HAN SOLO?? HE’S JUST LIKE HIM!!! me: pls stawp pls, I’m begging you stawp JJ Terrio: ALSO LOOK AT HIM FLIRTING WITH A GIRL SO HE’S LIKE OBVIOUSLY STRAIGHT me: bi....people.....exist...like...that is...a thing JJ TERRIO: ALSO WE’LL SHOW U HER EYES TO SHOW THAT SHE’S HUMAN AND NOT A WEIRD ALIEN BECAUSE POE DAMERON IS A RED BLOODED AMERICAN LIKE REDDIT me: pls....stop...why....

anyway, he needs a memory wipe in order for it. Which is a really touching scene....or would have been if it wasn’t immediately retconned because like R2 has backups. So like whoo.

So that’s like *two* instances of fakeout death because like Nothing Is Of Consequence Because Star Wars.

Except Leia dying because fuck moms, say JJ Terrio. Moms are Not Star Wars. The Reddit bros have now started to return their text messages.

More busy stuff happens. Hux dies. I wasn’t able to thoroughly enjoy it because by this point I had A Headache from all the Pew Pew and Wooooo~~.

Ben tells Rey that like ~her power is Palpatines power because like How Else Can Rey Be Powerful.” Does this make any sense? Not at all but like Don’t Think Too Hard.

He also finally takes off his stupid helmet that was glued together by ~Sith Alchemy~ that they bought from Space!Michaels.

Rey is vaguely disraught but like She Finally Has A Purpose and the Reddit Bros are Appeased.

More shit happens. Does it matter? Not really.

They meet Jannah! She’s cool and has the exact same backstory as Finn. Because in Star Wars There Are Only (2) Backstories for black characters. They line up the dagger that is old as fuck with the death star wreckage. Which lines up exactly. Evidently erosion is Not A Thing.

Finn and Jannah and basically go, Wow Isn’t It Rad That Because We Have The Force We [Finn, Jannah and her crew] Were Able To Reject Brainwashing and Bounce Because We Have The Force.

Rey runs off and Finn yells “REY!!” at some point but at least he knows his best angles while he does it.

Rey meets Dark!Rey who’s a vision....for five seconds. Because Remember if Girls Go Dark They Have Sinned In The Eyes of The Force. Ben shows up and crushes the Holocron because I refuse to call it that stupid-ass name-- dear fucking lord his hand is big--and WELP I GUESS I HAVE THE ONLY ONE.

They fight because We Need A Light Saber Fight Except This One is So Lackluster.

Then Leia reaches out to do something that will use up all her strength says Maz. How does Maz know this? Idk but she’s played by Lupita N’yongo so at least it sounds Deep And Wise because That’s Why You Cast Black People...to sound deep and wise. =_= **deeper breathe**

Anyway, she reaches out to her son! Her son hears her? I think? Either way it distracts him which lets Rey impale him. Except then she heals him?? And is like, I wanted to take your hand, Ben’s hand. which like I’d be fine with if like the movie had like worked for it. But like That Would Involve Actual Conversations Between Characters and We Are Going At 34243242432 pps (parsecs per second) and thus DO NOT HAVE TIme For That.

Ben then has a rehash of the scene from TFA because JJ Terrio is a fucking hack and is unable to create original material and this would have been meaningful if like Any of the Emotions Had Been Earn in The Fucking Film. But hey, I felt .75 of an emotion when Han Solo cradled his cheek so I will accept this. Then he yeets his saber into the ocean. Because. Yeet. Sadly, this movie is Not Over and My Suffering Will Not End

Poe and Finn head back to base with Jannah because I guess that’s what we’re doing? They find out that Leia is dead etc etc etc. The Resistance has a Circle Planning Session for the Final Battle that JJ Terrio lifted straight from ROTJ and the Reddit Bros brought them a corsage for Fanbro Prom. I am reminded that ROTJ was better than this garbage that I Paid Actual Money To Watch. Rey heads to Fish Nun island and decides to pull a Luke Skywalker move even we learned from the Last Movie (TLJ) why that was a Bad Idea but you know WE GET TO SEE LUKE AGAIN IS A GARBAGE WIG BECAUSE REDDIT BROS AMIRITE? We get the most hamfisted performance out of Mark Hamill and I’m just like damn The Last Jedi as a fucking gift and a _Jedi’s weapon is important_ platitude like his dad wasn’t yeeting his saber left and right. But Who Cares About Canon When We Have Pew Pew Pew Pew.

Luke tells her that Yes He And Leia Always Knew She Was A Palpatine which like means - Leia literally did not learn from the Last Time She Obscured Someone’s Parentage and the Fall Out - Actively lied to Rey - Luke actively lied to Rey - jfc this poor girl has been aggressively lied by most of the authority adults in her life??? - HER PARENTS SOLD HER TO PROTECT HER which is such a fucking damning think along with the fact that her parents are idiots and like didn’t think to take her to the new republic and like THERE ARE 23432432 things wrong with this set up but that is a Whole ‘Nother Rant

Also evidently? Leia ended her Jedi Journey (which abbreviated as JJ, coincidence? I THINK NOT.) because she saw her sons demised but evidently....couldn’t sense her son being groomed by Snoke, creation of Palpatine and like this entire movie makes Leia look like an ineffectual idiot?? Like I was really hoping that Leia was going to be able to escape the “Fuck Mom’s” curse of Star Wars BUT I GUESS THAT BECAUSE THAT’S NOT ~true star wars~

Anyway, evidently Leia gave him her saber which I guess she made but no one decided to show that but instead some freakish CGI (that they swore they wouldn’t do) fight scene because like Leia Obviously Isn’t A Real Force User Unless You Use A Lightsaber. The Reddit Bros Nod Sagely. So Rey decides to go to Exegol.....using the Luke’s X-Wing. The Reddit Bros are weeping tears of joy at this point. The Resistance starts their FINAL ASSAULT! THEY HAVE SPACE HORSES RIDING ON A SHIP BECAUSE DOESN’T THAT LOOK COOL! FINN KIND OF USES THE FORCE. THEY DECIDE TO BLOW UP THE STAR DESTROYERS BECAUSE FUCK CHILD SOLDIERS AMIRITE (rip Finn’s Stormtrooper backstory that JJ constructed that He Couldn’t Even Be Arse To Complete or like Think Of Because Like That Would Be Nuanced Shit but like He Gets to - Jump Over Things! - Run! - Know His Angles - Yell desperately After A White Lady because ahahahahha fuck WOC when there’s white p*ssy on the line AMIRITE?)

Either way they’re in trouble and Poe is dismayed and is like yo i’m sorry we’re doomed. Because...that’s.....what generals do. Give The Fuck Up. BUT DON’T WORRY LANDO IS HERE TO SAVE THE DAY BECAUSE EVIDENTLY WHILE THE GALAXY IGNORED LEIA ORGANA’S PLEAS, THEY LISTENED TO LANDO

(Crack theory: He hit up all his exes.)

Rey flies to Exegol to confront Grandpalps. Who never wanted her dead but to become Empress after spending 2.5 movies wanting her dead via puppet!Snoke. Also kudos to JJ Terrio to making a Sith Temple be so fucking boring and lackluster. That Took Skill.\

ANYWAY SHE SEES HER FRIENDS IN TROUBLE MUCH LIKE IN TLJ and in ROTJ but JJ Terrio really really loves his nostalgia and ROTJ was very very very formative evidently. She’s about to Strike Him Down In Anger And Absorb Grandpapa’s essence in order to save her friends but WAIT WHO IS THIS IDIOT RUNNING IN WITH NO FUCKING PLAN Yes, it is Ben Solo channeling his father. As carrying the blaster that Lando gifted to him in Aftermath but like we can only suppose that because who Needs Convos When You Have Pew Pew Pew~ His former Knights show up (who have also never spoken because hahahahah dialogue? Sounds fake. Also moment of Silence of Rian who kept them alive and used Praetorian guards in TLJ instead because he assumed that JJ made them for a meaningful reason because he was Unaware That JJ Was A Fucking Hack)

Anyway, Rey senses him! They do a super cool force bond moment that actually Pays Off and Rey hands off her saber to Ben. Through the force. It’s dope.

#BenSoloChallenge happens.

[In spite of like No Speaking At All, Adam Driver successfully channels the aura of Han Solo in spite of JJ Terrio desperately Insisting That Poe Dameron is Obviously Han Look He Even Ran Spice!!! Look!!]

Eventually they both stand before Palpatine Ready To Throw Down except in stand Palps leeches the lifeforce from them and then yeets Ben into a pit and Rey collapses.

THEN ALL THE JEDI FROM THE MOVIES AND CLONE WARS INCLUDE AHSOKA WHICH MAKES NO SENSE GIVEN CLONE WARS BUT WHAT EVER DON’T YOU FEEL VALIDATED!!! FANS!!! SCREAMS JJ TERRIO

me: no.

Rey pulls a Wonder Woman move because all you need to do to redirect Force Lightning is cross your light sabers. Anyway, that effort kills her (or like maybe not? Says Terrio in multiple interviews because men from Harvard Literally Never Shut Up.)

Ben somehow?? Climbs?? Out of the pit?? Under his own power because The Jedi Still Haven’t Forgiven the Skywalker Line for Anakin. Even though Anakin also reached out to Rey? I’m just assuming the soul of St. Maul of the Pit was yelling angry motivational speeches to get him out of the pit while St. Ventress adding sarcasm commentary comparing Ben and his namesake.

EITHER WAY HE’S OUT OF THE PIT! And is like in agony because Rey is uh in limp ragdoll mode so probably dead? We’re gonna go with dead.

He limps over to her because uh evidently getting yeeted into a pit is Not Good For Ones Health or Limbs.

Ben cradles her in his arms and at that moment I had to Apologize For Everyone I Dragged for Size Kink because Adam Driver is Fucking Large and His Hand is Fucking Huge and I, Mneme, Was Wrong You Are Valid.

*cough* where was I? Ah yes, he’s cradling her in his arms realizing she’s dead and I guess? Channeling the force to heal her. Which it does.

He’s happy! She’s happy!

She says “Ben” breathlessly.

AND THEN SHE SNOGS HIM LIKE THE AWKWARD VIRGINS THAT THEY ARE.

The Force realizes that a Male Skywalker is Getting A Boner and Goes Nope. And he just collapses and fades away at the same time that Leia fades away because ~symmetry~. Was a war going on? Uh maybe but like LETS NOT WORRY ABOUT LOGISTICS BUT INSTEAD CUT TO EWOKS!! WE ALL LOVE EWOKS RIGHT!! Rey flies back to Ajan Kloss. Poe, Finn, and Rey hug because this movie is almost over and they can stop trying to sell a non-existent trio created because JJ didn’t have the balls to let Poe stay dead in TFA.

Commander D’Arcy kisses her wife in the background but no one really notices and it was cut in Singapore but like JJ Terrio are Woke AF Y’ALL but not too woke because else they’ll get dumped by Reddit Bros.

No, we are Sadly Not Done.

LETS GO TO A SAND PLANET. No, it’s not Jakku it’s Tatooine~ DON’T YOU GUYS REMEMBER TATOOINE!! go JJ Terrio.

You mean the planet where Anakin Skywalker was a slave, Luke Skywalker desperately wanted to leave, and Leia Organa was put into that humiliated outfit? Yes. I remember.

REY’S HERE TO BURY LUKE AND LEIA’S SABERS HERE!! At the Lars homestead that is somehow intact....in spite of Jawas.

What wha-- why??, you may ask.

Well Luke never got to show Leia his home planet, goes JJ Terrio. Literally anyone who saw ROTJ.....they were on it in then?? JJ Terrio: i can’t see mariah carey dot gif

Rey also shows off her new lightsaber that was evidently crafted from her staff but we were not shown that on screen because like It Was Considered To Emotional for this Film.

Then finally some old woman passes by and is like Who are you? Rey: Rey Old Nosy Lady: Rey who? *Rey stares at the Force Ghosts of Luke and Leia looking like her parents* Rey: Rey Skywalker JJ TERRIO: SEEEEE WE DID REY SKYWALKER!!! AREN’T WE COOL me: she took the name of a grumpy old man who rejected her and whom she bounced off with his shit because he was being a dick....OKAY JAN

(ffs they could have let her take the name Organa but like Fuck Women amirite? *DRINKS*)

and yeah that’s it. Kid that was brainwashed as a child was reduced to going WHOOOOO every 5 seconds with no thought regarding his fellow stormtroopers who are still brainwashed.

Kid that was abandoned under the guise of ~love~ and sold to an abusive guardian and struggled and starved for years returns to a planet of sand and yes I know that she is probably going else where but that was a choice they made to have the last shot of her Alone with a Droid staring at the twin suns because JJ Terrio have been doing nothing but spraying nostalgia in my face for just under 2 and a half hours.

Kid who was actively groomed since childhood and only just now released from said clutches but lol can’t atone because he dead now.

Kid who lost her sister to the machine of war is pushed aside because she dared to exist.

and Poe.

The End of the Skywalker Saga y’all.

Bonus: “Uh, Mneme what about Rose?” She got exactly a 76 seconds that she acted her heart out in but evidently seeing a non-submissive Asian woman in Star Wars was too much for people last film so that uh Essentially Cut Her Out. Don’t worry they made sure to give her a quarter of a page in the visual dictionary and the Merry the Hobbit two page spread. So like Don’t Worry The Asian Girl Will Not Hurt You. “Mneme, what as the point of Poe?” Fuck, if I fucking know.

“Uh Mneme, the Only Reason Finn Didn’t Have An Arc Is Because of KYLE RON!!!!”

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

Exhibit C

trust me, it really wasn’t.

#tros spoilers #mneme watches: TROS #Star Wars Into Darkness

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gamewise · 4 years

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Osomatsu-kun Hachamecha Gekijou Review

(Author’s warning: the following game contains racially insensitive stereotypes. They are not present in these screencaps, and are not the effect of the game’s relatively low score. The game is a product of its time not just on a technical level, but on a cultural level. If you choose to read this review, massive spoiler alert: this is just not a good game, no matter how you slice it.)

In Japan, the Mega Drive debuted in October of 1988 with a whopping two titles available at launch; Space Harrier 2, and Super Thunder Blade. It wouldn’t take long for the humble 16-bit console to get its third title, a licensed game based on the Osomatsu-Kun manga which was about to get a new anime adaptation thanks to its popularity coming back. So you’re probably thinking this is a cheap cash-in title designed to promote the new anime, and I would like to say you’re right, but... actually, no, you’re right. Osomatsu-Kun Hachamecha Gekijou (Little Osomatsu: Nonsensical Theater) is a cheap cash-in that does more harm than good for the Mega Drive.

Before we dive into this game, let’s talk about Osomatsu-Kun itself. Osomatsu-Kun was a hugely popular manga about a group of trouble making sextuplets, who just so happen to all look the same. The manga ran for a whopping seven years back in the 60′s, receiving an anime adaptation at the peak of its popularity in 1966. In 1988, Studio Pierrot would bring forth a new anime adaptation that would see the sextuplets as side characters, with characters Iyami and Chibita, and their misadventures becoming more of the main focus. So seeing the side characters get thrust into the spotlight because they become popular is definitely nothing new, especially when the original manga did the same! So now that we have a new anime adaptation on the way, what are we getting for our video game cash in?

Well... just look at it. I know Japan is notorious for making some pretty surreal stuff, but Osomatsu-Kun Hachamecha Gekijou takes the fucking cake. You play as the oldest of the six brothers, and go on a quest to... uh, you know, I don’t think this game really has much of a story to it. You go through three different stages trying to get from point A to point B while you, armed with a slingshot, take out enemies based on other characters in Osomatsu-Kun, a lot of them being Chibita. And yes, you heard right, this game is only 3 stages long, so it should be quick and easy, right? Well... sit down, this game pads itself out in the worst possible way, and it managed to piss me off.

As you progress through a level, you may think it’s as simple as reaching the end of a stage... it’s not. Remember the infamous maze level in the Japanese Super Mario Bros. 2, or the one in Transformers Comvoy no Nazo? Well, there is a specific route you’re expected to take in this game, and it’s not clear. You’ll play this game going from point A to point B, but once you reach a certain point, the screen will just stop allowing you to move forward. You’ll see yourself before a pit, and think it’s instant death. In this game, it’s not death, it just leads you to a different part of the level. However, the path you need to take is cryptic as hell, and you’ll never know if you’re going the right way. The only way to find out is to take out the correct sub boss. When you do, you’ll see an intermission bumper like you would for anime, and you’ll ask yourself “Wait, am I just going through the first level again?” The answer is partially yes, because remember that point where the screen wouldn’t let you advance? Well, now you will see a platform show up that can take you to a new part of the level, but now you need to find a new path to get to point B. All of this is designed to pad the game’s extraordinarily short length. By short, I mean that if you know your way through all three levels, you can finish this game in about 15 minutes.

(Thank you to the person who put this shit together)

I’d be able to forgive the maze-like structure if the game was any fun to play, but as it stands, this is a painfully generic floaty platformer. By floaty I mean Osomatsu himself defies gravity by being able to float in the air for an extended period of time with his jump. It’s nice to be able to control his jump mid-air, but the weightlessness will more than likely mess up your precision platforming, or you’ll get interrupted by the mere touch of your enemies. Yes, when you take damage, you get stun-locked, and instead of just falling to the ground, you are stun locked mid-air. I could forgive it, but this game is once again, a 30 frames per second game, and almost feels like it’s been slowed-down intentionally. Another issue I take with this game is the difficulty, it’s way too easy. All enemy projectiles can be destroyed with your slingshot, and there’s enough distance between you and the enemy to have a pattern figured out easily. I guess the idea was because your slingshot has such a short range of attack, it would balance things out, but it really doesn’t. You’ll have plenty of lives and health to go up against the boss and sub boss as the game gets fairly generous with health powerups. There are also shops where you can buy some items to guide you with the ribbons you’re collecting along the way, but before you can access that you get the option of playing mini-games to gamble them away. I’d just skip these and go straight to the shop, it’s not like you need these power-ups that much anyway, you can beat this game without them.

On the visual side... this was the worst the Mega Drive had in 1988. Sure, it’s colorful, and the sprites evoke the spirit of the original manga, but this looks like a hold over from the Master System/Mark III, it just doesn’t impress me. Aesthetically, the game is fine for the most part, but eventually you’ll run into a few racial stereotypes for your enemies, and boy are they horribly insensitive. Even knowing this, I pressed on with the game, because I wanted to see if I could take something positive out of it and look past those enemy sprites, and about the only thing I find entertaining is Iyami being all the bosses. So aside from a few bad sprites, I find the graphics were more focused on aesthetics and functionality than pushing technical limitations early. Audio wise this game is just plain awful. There’s an old saying among video game music fans that only Japan could use the Mega Drive’s unique sound setup correctly, but if that’s the case, they’ve never listened to this game’s music. It’s obnoxiously loud, the sound effects are super scratchy, it feels too much like an assault on my ears compared to the sound effects on something like Curse, or even Taz-Mania. Nothing against the compositions themselves, I found two songs to be catchy, but otherwise, nothing stood out for the right reasons. Definitely not a keeper.

At the end of the day, Osomatsu-Kun Hachamecha Gekijou is shovelware of the highest honor. Even if you can endure the game’s painfully easy difficulty, and frustrating level layouts, you are left with a feeling of emptiness by the time you reach the end. This game will not so much break you, but it will leave you feeling empty and depressed as you say to yourself, “that’s it?” I certainly felt empty after playing this. Like I just lost about 20 minutes of my life, and I’ll never get it back. Is there much worse on the Mega Drive? Yes, but considering it was 1988, the console had nowhere to go from here but UP. I wouldn’t even think of recommending this today, even as a curiosity. This is one of those cases where I can say avoid at all costs

Positives

+ Aesthetics mimic the source material perfectly

+ Controls respond

+ The game’s translated subtitle “Nonsensical Theater” perfectly describes everything

Negatives

- Unnecessarily pads its length thanks to a cryptic maze structure

- Unacceptably short

- Insults your skill by being piss easy

- Racial stereotyping may be enough to turn you away

- Designed to cash in on Osomatsu-Kun’s returning popularity in the 80′s

- The game’s translated subtitle “Nonsensical theater” perfectly describes everything

- Audio will hurt your ears

- Unless you need to complete an actual Mega Drive collection... skip it.

- While taking screenshots, I somehow managed to unlock the game’s framerate, indicating that this game was deliberately programmed in assembly to play at 30 frames per second. The floaty mechanics actually handled better under 60 fps, no fucking joke. Do you believe this shit?

Overall: 2/10

#video games #osomatsu kun #sega #retro #retro gaming

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christianylpy116 · 4 years

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Why Googlemapembed.Com Is A Method Not A Approach

just How To Embed Google Maps In Wordpress site

As an example, a look for a map of Boston on Google.com would certainly produce, to name a few things, a topographic map of the city through Google Maps. The Maps program allows users to zoom in and out and move the map to search bordering areas. Along the appropriate side of the search results page screen are a variety of little ads for Boston-based services, hotels, dining establishments, as well as links to other sites selling hard-copy maps of the city. This type of paid advertising is the main method which Google makes its profits.

deleting A Google Map.

What is MAP API?

A Map API (also known as Mapping API) provides location intelligence for software developers creating location-based products and services. It is the base building block for location-aware applications, feature-rich maps and the retrieval of geographic-related data.

In a feeling, when you go abroad, Google Maps really begins to radiate in a manner it doesn't in the house. Mr. Robinson claimed his group asked Google to include the East Cut to its maps. A Google spokeswoman stated employees manually put the name after validating it through public sources.

Google's 360 degree Street Sight function is available in the Android variation of Maps application. The most basic method to gain access to this attribute is to find the area you wish to view, and also press and also hold that place. If a Road Sight is available, a little thumbnail will show up in the lower edge. By default, this app draws every one of its information from Google web servers in real time. It is possible to pick an area as well as download it for offline use, nonetheless.

In Rio de Janeiro, just 26 of the city's 1,000 favelas are mapped-- this despite the fact that the favelas are home to over a million people and also regarding a quarter of the city's populace. After all, Google itself is so embedded to our ordinary tech lives, we rarely think of it as having a professional application to something as interesting as traveling.

What is the URL mean?

A domain name is part of a URL, which stands for Uniform Resource Locator.

There are also data-sets that let you viewvirtual designs of the moon and other earths. Zoom Earth is just one of the most effective options to Google Earth only since it does not utilize much of Google's services for data mapping and yet provides fantastic images of our Earth. Similar to Google Earth, Zoom Planet is online and it reveals real-time info of weather condition, tornados, wildfires, and extra. The best component is that you can see high-resolution aerial views of the lots of areas in a zoomable map. While Google Planet is excellent, there are few other alternatives that can assist you do the same points.

data.

Is the YouTube API free?

Yes, using the YouTube API does not incur any monetary cost for the entity calling the API. If you go over your quota an 403 Error will be returned by the API. Yes it is, but some restrictions like limit you can use only 100000 units per day. and 3000 per second per 100 user per day.

Use the Print menu approach explained in the write-up above or record a screenshot onto your computer system and also print out the screenshot. If you don't wish to really publish however wish to maintain a copy on your phone, simply take a screenshot or display capture and also leave it in your photos folder/desktop view.

This Is Google's New Smart display tool.

Many individuals are not delighted with Google's data collection policies and do not want to hand over information greater than they have to. If for that reason or a factor of your very own, you are searching for Google Earth alternatives then you have pertained to the right place. Here are the 4 ideal apps like Google Planet you can utilize in 2020. Google Earth enables you to take a trip, discover, and learn more about the world by interacting with a virtual world. You can view satellite imagery, maps, terrain, 3D structures, and far more.

Google says it utilized satellite images as the basis for its revamped maps which this has had a "new color-mapping mathematical technique" put on it. Completion outcome does a much better job of showing off the differences between natural functions, such as between snowy tops and thick forests or environment-friendly areas and also sandy coastlines. The contrast shots listed below offer a concept of what the new color-mapping strategy is capable of. Google Maps is being upgraded to make it simpler to compare natural attributes in the environment, whether they're mountainous ice caps, deserts, coastlines, or thick woodlands.

What is a map URL?

The maps URL scheme is used to show geographical locations and to generate driving directions between two points. Unlike some schemes, map URLs do not start with a “maps” scheme identifier. Instead, map links are specified as regular http links and are opened either in Safari or the Maps app on the target platform.

Go to the major Google Maps internet site and type the address for the home you want to check out. This will show an overhead map of the property on screen. Click the "Street Sight" button to watch pictures of the residential or commercial property drawn from street degree by Google's very own Street Sight vehicles that circumnavigate the globe. Yes, a map can be published from Google Maps, either with or without directions.

But for lots of areas where homeowners were not sure of the history, authorities depend largely on Google. The Eye and others are now part of that official map.

So Google Maps started its trip greater than a decade back, worked in the direction of incorporating numerous applications.

In 2004, Google got this company from the bros.

The best component of training course is that Google Maps as well as all its related services are used absolutely free.

And finally launching Google Maps application in 2005.

Ultimately integrating it with various other business which Google purchased over the next couple of years related to live traffic analyzer as well as various other mapping related applications.

This feature supplies a powerful tool to present historic datasets. It does have restrictions, nevertheless, as Google Maps will only import the first 100 rows of a spreadsheet.

Maps and also images you create in Google Maps as well as Google Planet can be saved as KML documents This suggests you can conserve job performed in Google Maps or Google Planet. With KML files you can transfer information in between these two systems and also bring your map data into Quantum GIS or ArcGIS. Note that to the right of Layer there is a https://googlemapembed.com checkbox-- unchecking this box turns off (i.e. it doesn't appear on the map) a layer and its info. Uncheck the UK Global Fats layer and also click Layer 1.

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themockingcrows · 5 years

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Companionship Through Circuitry Ch. 3: Uploading

Not all uploads are created equal. Bro/Hal Also available on AO3!

Upload me, Bro.

“Don’t you need a stronger interface than that? Would you even work with that thing?”

I was designed to functionally overwrite data when necessary, and if that means re-writing the code of a simple wrecker then so be it. Upload me.

Bro sighed a bit. He had his reservations now that he was starting to get used to Hal’s voice and attitude, and the concept of potentially losing him because he didn’t want to take a lengthy detour was kind of obnoxious. But hey, what did he know, he was just a post-war guy taking directions from an AI who seemed to know his own capabilities far better. Against his better judgement, Bro took the shades off of his face and fished out the connection cable, following Hal’s advice to locate where an entry port could be positioned based on the make and model of the machinery at hand.

The massive structure was meant to replace cranes for more basic movements, the continuous track treads far superior to wheels and the mobility vastly improved. The behemoth whirred to life a few moments after Ambrose finished the upload cycle, glasses still gently dangling by their cord till he ducked forward and tucked them somewhere less conspicuous. The droid moved its appendages, orienting itself as Hal took control and sussed out the operational maneuvers for each piece. It was a strangely human motion, the sensors of the face looking down at the pincer hands before giving them a whirl and twirl, clicking them together a few times to gauge the pressure.

Right. Step back.

Thank fuck this was temporary. Hearing the modulation of Hal’s voice was jarring, booming and decidedly electric from the audio core even with its damage and residue. When he stood fully upright, many times taller than Ambrose, it was with the soft screech of abused metal and rust. This wasn’t going to last forever, but it should last long enough to move a few barriers out of the way. Hal whirred forward excitedly and clasped both pincers into the edge of a stacked vehicle long since crashed, tugging it a few times before the body gave way to motion and the entire pile began to move. Ambrose wasn’t certain what all would be beyond where they could see, but he had a feeling that getting through the blockade would open up some options.

Or, you know, trap him underground to die a horrible death. But who’s keeping track of anything, right?

With much whirring and churning metal, Hal eventually moved several wrecked cars that had acted as a barricade between them and the rest of the bridge that seemed sturdy enough to cross as far as he could see. So the asphalt was gone in a few places, the girders and skeletal aspects of the bridge were still plenty intact for a man and a pair of sunglasses to pass unhindered so long as they didn’t gain too much attention. Or at least got away from the ruckus of attention they were currently causing right now.

I changed my mind, can I stay in this longer?

“No. You cleared the junk and I can cross now, get back in the glasses so we can leave,” Bro said, already sensing where this was going.

What if there’s more junk on the other side of the bridge? Or in the center? Wouldn’t it be handy to have someone who would be able to move it easier? Hal asked, giving his hands another whirr for emphasis as if Bro could have somehow forgotten the difference between a set of pointed shades as a fully fledged wrecker droid.

“I said no. How much power does that thing have left anyways?”

Enough to enjoy getting over the bridge in style.

“And if I don’t feel like travelin’ with a gigantic fuckin’ target on my back?” Bro asked. “What then, hm? Everything in a mile prolly heard all this noise, you’re not exactly dainty with your maneuverin’.”

I believe you’d benefit more from me in this shape for a while. I’m enjoying having hands, that’s a bonus. And being able to move where I want to, Hal said as he backed up and did a quick turn as he could on the tracks. I could serve as a shield if required, or lift things to be a shield for you.

Bro ran his tongue over his teeth. The offer DID sound kind of appealing when put like that… but he knew it’d bite him in the ass just as soon, knowing his luck. He shook his head and went over towards the shades, tapping them with his fingers.

“Nope. In you go.”

But what if I just followed along behind you.

“And if we get separated how’m I supposed to get to your body then, huh? Want me to get there on my own, without you, and put somethin’ stupid in there?” Ambrose asked with a smirk. “The best body they could have created for you, the body your creator dude wanted for you, all goin’ to waste so I have someone to play Pong with.”

Hal was silent for a moment before the massive droid looked down with a creak of metal. He could practically hear him squinting.

You wouldn’t dare.

“Spoken like someone who doesn’t know me very well,” Ambrose said with a shrug, both hands lifted up for emphasis at how helpless he was in the situation overall. “You think I wouldn’t kill to have a good quality droid be my butler and play stupid games with me? Dude, my kid left for the city already, who’s gonna fill the void for me now if not that or a bitchy AI.”

The droid looked towards the bridge again, sensors trying to run how he’d normally run to assess risks before realizing the hardware just wasn’t up to spec to do what he wanted to do. This body was made for moving things, for lifting and toting, for sorting, not for detecting stealth routes a companion could take to an objective. Ever so slowly the droid bowed down and let its arms go limp, the shades chiming and beeping a short time later to alert Ambrose it was time to remove the connection and put him back on safely. While Ambrose wouldn’t say he missed having the weight on his face and the shade over his eyes, there was no denying a bit of fondness for the habit. It was nice not having his retinas toasted.

“I see my offer was too much to resist.”

You’re a bastard. I’ll not have my body sullied like that. If it does something foolish it will be because I will it to do something foolish, not any other way.

“Sure thing,” Ambrose said as he started up the bridge, pulling his blade out to keep it at the ready, grip light. He resisted the temptation to spin it or do bored tosses like he would while at home or doing detail work on it, keeping his hands ready to put lethal force behind the steel at a moments notice. The bridge itself seemed like it had been used in the past as shelter, or a lookout point. Chairs were arranged beneath a sheet metal roof with a standee wall against the side of a toppled truck, and garbage lay strewn about the broken glass that crunched beneath Bro’s boots. At every turn there could be a human being or worse.. yet all seemed quiet for now. Abandoned. Empty.

Packrat by nature, Bro took a moment to peer into different cars that they passed to see if any of them had been used as more shelter, or used to store any spare belongings that nobody would miss. There didn’t seem to be much on hand, however. Spent shells, empty cans and bottles, ragged blankets, clothes that reeked of sweat and in one car the sweet sickly smell of feces. One front seat had a few gadgets that slowed Ambrose’s steps to peek however, grinning in amusement.

“Oh, hey, I remember readin’ about these things,” he mused, reaching through broken glass to pick up a blocky hand held game system with a melted looking cartridge. The screen was cracked, but the buttons looked well worn. Must’ve taken a lot of abuse to wind up like that, those things were supposedly indestructible in their time. He dropped it back onto the seat it had come from and the bit of bones that rested here and there as well. The original owner? An art project by some bored creep? Hard to guess honestly and not really his place to wonder about.

There’s something else there, Hal pointed out, zeroing in the target t’s to direct Bro’s attention to the keychain looking item shaped like an egg. He reached again and plucked it up, rubbing a thumb over the dirty screen with a hum. A flip over and he nodded a bit.

“Some other kinda game I guess..? Looks like it’s self contained and takes a smaller battery. Doubt it’s like yours, is it?”

No, most likely that type of device ran on a watch battery. Do you not know what it is?

“Is it not a game?”

It is a game where you are tasked with keeping a small creature alive by meeting all of its needs and wants.

Bro snorted. “I’ve raised a baby, I think I can live without a game reproducin’ the experience.”

Yet.. it had been some of the best years of his life. Boiling water to make sure it was safe for Dave’s baby bath, washing hair so fine it was barely there. Messy cheeks in the high chair as he figured out how to feed himself, skinned knees and bandages, late night visitors to his bed whenever there was an electrical storm outside or when the winds screamed out over the desert like hungry dogs. Those big red eyes in the dark asking if it was safe when people came too close to their hidden home, listening to the distant explosions of deterrents and traps going off left and right. Those same red eyes staring up at him for the tenth, the hundreth, the thousandth time he’d knocked him down to make him get back up and keep fighting.

Bro swallowed hard for a moment, throat suddenly uncomfortably dry. He knew it was wrong. He knew deep down it had been too much, but there was no choice. Not when the world wouldn’t hesitate even a single second before putting a bullet in his head if he didn’t take the initiative and attack first. He could tell himself that a thousand times and yet it didn’t change anything.

Bro closed his hand around the toy and stuck it into his pocket without a second’s hesitation.

“Might make for a fun project later though. Maybe I can re-program it, give it a better battery. Somethin’ simple like a time waster to take the edge off should be easy.”

How many pet projects do you intend to keep on your person?

“As many as I feel like, considerin’ one is already on my face. What, suddenly attached to the idea of being an only child?”

I am not a child. If anything, I would prefer if you spoke to me like an adult instead of like one of your wards. Keep it in mind, Bro.

“Yes Mom.”

That is not what I meant when I sai-

“I’m kidding,” Ambrose said as he fished his hand back out of his pocket and continued to walk, suddenly less interested in browsing the potential second hand belongings than he was about getting off the bridge and continuing Northwards. He’d dallied too long as it was, and while things seemed plenty deserted up here, he didn’t want that to stop being a thing any time soon thanks to their broadcast position.

You know, I don’t think I’ve mentioned this before. But I have radio functionality, if you would enjoy to listen to something as you walk.

He snorted. “Yeah? The same ten stations, no thanks. Propaganda, interviews with dumbasses, or the same fifty songs over and over. Nobody knows how to find decent music, and the songs that’re any good get played so often you get sick of them. Nobody makes anything new either.”

I also possess some selections Dirk enjoyed, if you would prefer listening to those. They may prove to be something more to your taste, he was particular about what he listened to.

“Particular how?”

He was particularly ardent in enjoying what he liked and stubbornly sitting through what he didn’t like before deleting it from any device he listened to it on. Let me play a sample, Hal offered before going quiet and chiming softly to signal he was changing focus.

Bro stopped walking when the music started, quiet near his ears to not block out incoming noise but loud enough to hear the quickly pronounced words and heavy beat, the tempo driving into his skull enough that he tapped his foot in time with it. Soon he was bobbing his head, catching the tune even without knowing the words, and smirking in amusement.

“Not quite what I’m used to, no. But it’s nice. Feel free to keep’em coming while we head on, yeah? Turn them off if you detect something approaching,” he instructed.

But of course, Bro. I’m not an idiot, said Hal in a more modulated voice than usual behind the thrum of the music.

When he began to walk again, the beat added a new cadence to his step and made the walking go by quicker than before. In no time at all he was over the bridge and on the other side of the water, taking in his surroundings with the same eyes of the curious and the mildly kleptomanic. Every new venue was a new opportunity, especially when there were what looked like stores in the distance. Hell, now that he had his new pet project he’d need a few parts, wouldn’t he?

“...Mm. Hal, that sign says ‘Toys’ in part of the name, right?”

It would seem so. It was likely a location of the Time For Toys brand from before the war, Hal offered. It could potentially be something else, but the orientation of those letters makes the likelihood of it being anything else quite low.

“Perfect. Let’s go shoppin’.”

Giving another glance to the toy in his pocket, guessing what size of batteries to keep an eye out for adjustments sake later on, Bro strode towards the building bearing the toy slogan and let himself inside without a second thought.

Perhaps he should have thought twice. There were few places as unnerving as an abandoned toy shop that had sat this long through destruction and disuse. Rows and rows of figurines, dolls, moth eaten soft toys, accessories, and toy cars rested on the shelves and from dangling sorting rods that stuck out at even intervals. Everything was silent save for his footsteps, and Hal kept focusing the t’s on various rodents that were startled by the sudden invasion. As far as humans went, it seemed most had stayed clear. There just wasn’t much use for toys after the war he supposed.

...Okay, bullshit, he kind of wished he’d known this place existed when Dave was a baby. He probably would have loved a lot of these things, instead of making do with the things Bro could make him. Smuppets were amazing, and so were the other puppets and the electronic things, but sometimes a kid just needs a teddybear. He poked one with blue button eyes and sawdust stuffed feet, its floppy soft arms resting alongside its torso with fabric claw tips resting alongside its thighs. The bear fell over with a soft whump and a bit of dust in the air, leaving Bro free to quietly explore the graveyard of toys.

Past a section of toy balls that had long since deflated, baseballs and mitts, were electronic toys. Dollies that talked and horses and dogs and cats that made realistic noises seemed to be all the rage, but along with them hung more of the egg shaped toy he had in his pocket in different colors, still in the package. Whistling softly, still nodding along with the tempo on the song Hal continued to play, he grabbed several of the packages and batteries from the end of the display cap to stuff into his bag.

That was when he saw it. Soft, fluffy, and apparently capable of movement and speech. The small creature was hard to decipher at a glance species wise. It had a beak and two big eyes that could apparently blink when they weren’t staring into your soul, a small sensor in its forehead, and two massive ears. Two fat, pudgy paws rested at its base in front of a set of wheels that offered free movement.

Furby.

An apt name, Bro supposed. The little thing was furry as hell, soft to his rough fingered touch and fairly sweet looking with its black and white fur pattern. The external fluff seemed to safeguard a sizeable chunk of electronics from what he could guess thanks to a testing squeeze. ...Interesting.

What are you so distracted by now.

“You think you’d be capable of driving one of these?” Bro asked curiously. “It’s got wheels and seems like it can maneuver around on its own from an AI. Talks too.”

I’d rather die. So there is your answer.

“But it’s possible,” Bro continued. “You were able to work that droid back there just fine. Think of how useful this would be for checking out crowded buildings.”

Wouldn’t an RC car be more useful for exploration purposes.

“Hey, I never said I wouldn’t mod this thing,” Bro said as he continued to feel the edges of the furby before turning it and cutting the edge of its fur open, removing the skin messily to get a better look at what lay beneath. “Look. See? A lot of these guts’re useless. Could take them out, put better power and mobility, maybe add a weapon.. Maybe connect the innards of a walkie talkie in there too, or some radio parts to keep in contact.”

It was a whole new project idea. The egg toy was one thing, but this. This was something entirely new. And the fact that Hal hated it so much on sight was kind of appealing.

Are you implying you plan to weaponize a furby.

“Yes. I’m also implyin’ I’d like to see you pilot the damn thing if I can make it work how I want it to. Could set you loose on a floor and let you roll around doin’ your own damn thing, keep shit off you left and right, let me know what you see. You’d be able to help me out.”

And the reason I couldn’t do that with the big droid is…?

“Batteries, bein’ inconspicuous, and portability. I can stuff one of these things in my bag easy, and nobody would expect one of these to be anything important,” he hummed, mind already going wild. Dave would love it.

No, Dave would probably hate it and say he was taunting God but Dave wasn’t here right now and Bro was itching to customize. He glanced back the way he’d come before putting his tongue between his teeth, thinking.. and then grabbing another furby identical to the one he’d de-skinned. He’d need to strip it cleaner, treat it nicer, figure out how these fuckers ticked. Manual was probably in the box somewhere, but even if it wasn’t how hard would it be to figure out a children’s toy?

“I think I know where we’re campin’ tonight. Lemme just grab a few things and we’ll find a spot to nest down.”

I’m never touching that thing, I have no idea why you look like a child with a new toy.

“Because I’m a man-child with several new toys,” corrected Bro as he wandered the aisles, looking for radios or walkie talkies. Paydirt came in the form of a pair of ‘authentic army navy walkie talkies’ whose authenticity he seriously doubted even with their rather pretty camouflage patterning just based on the materials he felt beneath his fingers. These casings would be easy enough to pop with his hands, let alone with his tools, they could really have stood to make these sturdier. He’d kill for a good blowtorch though, maybe make some kind of a shell underneath the furby fur to-

You’re a maniac. You do know that, correct? I can’t hear your thoughts but the things you’re looking at are alarming when placed with the potential logic.

“I think you mean genius, thanks. Shoosh now, I’m tryin’ to find Frankenfurb some more parts,” Bro hummed, tucking the walkie talkies beneath his arm before finding a shopping basket. There. Much better. Like a pre-war man he wandered the aisles, snagging things that looked useful or interesting or, in the case of his eventual sleeping, soft. His sleeping spot back behind the main register ina protected circle of countertops was soon piled high with plushes and surreptitiously dotted with his electronic findings and various tidbits he planned to use for parts. Doll clothes, while overall worthless to him, still had elastic bands inside of them and the fabric wasn’t flammable. Useful. He even found a child size pair of sunglasses he’d already made plans for, so long as he was able to control the melting properly.

Peeling off his boots and settling back with his supper, Bro opened his bag and set to work toying with his new toys. First everything had to be opened and examined, taken apart, and in some places scrapped entirely down to their base components until he had a small pile of tidbits at his disposal. The toy from earlier seemed to be damaged even when he tried to power it on, but the new packaged replacements just needed to have their old battery removed and replaced with something new to turn on. He already knew how he wanted to update it, especially since there seemed to be a data port that would fit Hal’s cable to it. He failed to say it, but it would be a good emergency backup for transportation should anything ever happen to the shades.

The furby would be his prize. Off went its two toned furry skin, out came its voice box and innards, and in went an assortment of new parts.. Including a salvaged port from one of the extra egg toys Bro had grabbed. He’d worked well into the night by the time he put the skin back on and proudly wiped the beak clean before adding the tiny shades, grinning proudly at it.

“Might need some more tweakin’, and I wanna get a proper laser to put in the thing.. But for now it should be able to move around easier and communicate back to the matchin’ walkie talkie,” he said, gesturing over to his creation with both hands and a wide smile.

It’s hideous.

“You’re gonna be in there eventually, Hal, mark my words.”

If it comes down to being a matter of life or death, I consider my life to have been a full one until you can repair me properly.

“You’d rather be dead than have some mobility and autonomy while helpin’ me out?” Bro asked, rummaging in his bag for some water to quench his thirst, using a bit more to wipe his face with now that sleep was settling into his brain.

Did I fucking stutter.

“All I hear is someone who’s bitchy and in denial about the frankenfurb.”

Bro’s vision faded briefly to display those red eyes once more, though this time they were giving a decided roll before his vision faded back in.

When a furby is on the line, Bro, I will be as bitchy as I please.

#bro strider #lil hal #brohal #stridercest #homestuck #my fic

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jbuffyangel · 6 years

Text

Bored Now: Arrow 6x19 Review (The Dragon)

What in the ever-loving hill tops of Olympus was THAT?

I was exhausted Thursday, so I missed the episode. However, I waited until Sunday because I wasn’t motivated to watch given the fan reaction. But I figured it couldn’t be that bad right?

Yes. Yes it can.

I would rather watch Oliver pontificate about his super-secret plan to stop gun violence (without revealing his super-secret plan to stop gun violence) than “The Dr*gon.” I would rather watch L*urel earn her BC suit (without really earning it) by hallucinating her dead sister. I could watch Oliver and Sara bang fifty times over. Yes, I know what I am saying. 6x19 is worse than all the terrible 13th episodes combined! After six years and 134 episodes I am bestowing “The Dr*gon” with the title of WORST EPISODE EVER. Congratulations. We have a new low.

I flitted between enraged and bored watching “The Dr*gon”, so I feel Evil Willow’s iconic expression conveys my emotions nicely.

Let’s dig in… it won’t take long. I promise an excess of snarky gifs.

Felicity Smoak and Curtis Holt

This is the first week post Oliver firing Felicity. Yes, he can dress it up any way he likes, but that’s exactly what he did. Felicity chooses to devote her extra free time to her company and reaches out to Curtis for a truce. A truce in these writers’ minds means FELICITY APOLOGIZES TO CURTIS.

Liz Kim, who co wrote the episode, explained:

Let’s pretend we live in a world of rainbows and unicorns where the main governing body is the Girl Scouts and instead of paying taxes we get free cookies.

We must live in this kind of world to understand what Liz Kim is pushing. Fine. Felicity isn’t holding a grudge. She’s being the bigger person and is sorry for her role in the fight. If we look objectively at all six characters Felicity has the least to apologize for, but that’s just details.

What infuriates me is Curtis just stands there and glowers at her. He oozes moral superiority, contempt and arrogance.

Why, dear writer, didn’t Curtis then apologize to Felicity? If this is all about being the bigger person and not holding a grudge, why didn’t Curtis step up to the plate next? Last time I checked, Curtis has as much to apologize for if not more than Felicity. Instead, we get Felicity apologizing to yet another man on this show and Curtis just stands there like a condescending lump.

UNACCEPTABLE.

Then Curtis cannot hide his glee over Diggle quitting the team. He wants to skip around the room and sing, “Nananana boo boo” while Felicity is distraught about her husband being alone in the field. CURTIS HAS THE NERVE TO TELL FELICITY HE MUST FIGHT THE DESIRE TO GLOAT. But sure, what an amazing friend.

Listen asshat, if you tell someone you are trying not to gloat that’s the same as gloating.

Why is Curtis the only “friend” Felicity is ever allowed to speak to? Why couldn’t she have gone to Lance or even Diggle. Diggle has a beef with Oliver, not Felicity. I don’t see how going to Curtis is any better than going to John in Oliver’s eyes. Hell, I’d take a phone call Thea over this. I don’t need to hear her side of the conversation.

How does anything Curtis says correlate to real friendship? He states the obvious – Felicity is using work to distract her from worrying about Oliver. OH MY GOD. THANK YOU SO MUCH CURTIS. WHAT WOULD WE HAVE DONE WITHOUT YOU HERE TO EXPLAIN THAT COMPLETELY OBVIOUS PLOT POINT TO US ALL?

Then, he almost laughs in her face about it, but can control himself enough to only gloat. Wow. Felicity’s friendship cup runneth over. And last, but not least, he refuses to take any responsibility for his role in the team breakdown. How magnanimous of him. What a petty little prick.

Also, why is Curtis always the one to fix a problem with the Helix tech? JUST ONCE I would like to see Felicity solve something tech related to this company without Curtis’ help. Felicity Smoak can program and hack anything. SHE INVENTED THE KEY PIECE OF RAY’S ATOM SUIT. But whenever Curtis is around she is forced to be clueless and rely on Curtis’ brilliance to save the day because LOOK AT WHAT A GOOD TEAM THEY ARE. She is a shining example of a genius female character and now she’s being used to prop Curtis’ man baby brain. It’s nauseating and unbelievably insulting to my gender.

If this is the route Arrow chooses to fix the breach between the two teams (OTA members apologizing while Newbies gloat) then I can safely say I will not forgive the newbies for anything they’ve done. They will be on my list of “Characters Who Need to Die” for the remainder of the show. Starting with my number one spot – Curtis Holt.

Olicity

At least the writers knew the only way to get Olicity fans to watch this garbage pile of nonsense was to stick a 3 minutes Olicity scene at the end and promo the crap out of it. Unfortunately, the scene didn’t give me “all the feels” the writers intended.

Felicity comes home in a panic after watching a news report stating the Green Arrow is probably dead.

Source: @oliverfelicitygifs

Oliver pops up behind her and a very relieved Felicity throws herself into his arms. Any gooey feels I have over Felicity’s concern and emotional hug are about to be obliterated. Felicity informs Oliver this set up doesn’t work for her. When she’s in the bunker, and knows where he is or can see what is happening, it’s easier to cope with her worry. Oliver condescendingly implies there’s very little Felicity can do to help him while she’s in the bunker.

Excuse me, but is Oliver a pod person now? How do we get from THIS

to THIS

to THIS.

Do the Arrow writers watch Arrow? This is why people get so fed up. We can go from one episode to the next and characters act completely OOC to push a storyline along. Oliver “You’re My Partner” Queen is now saying Felicity can do very little to help?

Let’s just unravel the entire basis of the show and the reason the character exists in the first place

for another bullshit Oliver Queen regression that makes no sense.

All I am asking for is a modicum of character cohesion and storyline consistency. Is it so much to ask that the Arrow writers know the show and characters they are writing for? I think not.

After Felicity correctly argues she can and HAS helped Oliver many times, he does another 180 and tells Felicity she can never be helpless. Cool bro, but you stated the exact opposite 15 seconds ago.

Oliver decides it’s time to placate his wife’s legitimate fears by telling her he will always come home.

Source: @oliverfelicitygifs

Sure, it’s a nice foreshadow for the future since Oliver is probably going to land himself in jail. This scene can serve as reassurance for all those terrified Oliver is going to do 25 to life. I take issue with the promise, however. Do you know why Oliver didn’t make that promise to Felicity in 2x09?

Because he respected her too much to lie to her. Oliver knew then he doesn’t always have control over what happens to him in this line of work. Accepting death and not being afraid of it is part of the job description. Oliver knows this is a promise he can’t keep because NOBODY CAN. The tiny look of hesitation and resignation his face after hugging Felicity proves it.

Source: @oliverfelicitygifs

We tell our children little white lies to ease their fears because sometimes they aren’t old enough to understand the truth. Was the promise Oliver made to William completely true? No. Should he have made the promise? Probably not, but I understood why he did. Oliver was trying to ease his son’s fears because William is a child.

But Felicity is a grown woman. Oliver doesn’t need to tell little white lies to his wife so he can continue his deeply stupid need to regress. The only reason Felicity needs to buy into this obvious lie is so she can function while Oliver is out in the field by himself. How about Oliver LISTENS to his wife and acknowledges the truth – he can’t do this without her. Even emotionally stunted Oliver Queen understood THAT.

We’re really supposed to believe emotionally evolved Oliver doesn’t?

I MEAN GIVE ME A FRIGGIN BREAK.

This is why viewers get so frustrated with Arrow. The characters can change personalities like the show changes writers.

Things we know to be true, and are the backbone of the series, are tossed aside to make an illogical plotlines work. It does nothing to service the characters, show or viewers. All that’s left is a terrible hour of television.

The Dr*gon and Bl*ck S*ren

The function of this episode is to make us give a flying flip about the Dr*gon. However, we are given a sloppily slapped together back story that doesn’t connect to any of the main characters whatsoever – particularly Oliver.

Di*z grew up in an orphanage and was bullied by an older boy. This is the reason he’s become a menace to society.

He named his fear “The Dr*gon” and tattooed it everywhere because he’s so tortured and intense.

He’s been trying to move up the criminal ladder to conquer his fear and be respected as a legitimate crime lord. Ummm… okay? Good luck with that. WHY DO I CARE? Oh, that’s right. I don’t.

Ultimately, Di*z gets a seat on the Quadrant (Season 7 villain set up for sure) and revenge on the kid who bullied him as a child. The moral of the story is don’t be a bully because someday the kid you tortured might show up on your door step and light you on fire.

I thought this was supposed to be the season of many villains. Weren’t we doing away with the singular Big Bad? Why are we suddenly zeroing in on the lamest villain in the group? He’s so lame the writers had to come up with an entire episode to mitigate the lameness.

Di*z and Sir*n spend 85% of the episode sitting in a car trading fortune cookie sayings with one another. They go on and on and on about power, control and not being a dog. It’s a lot about not rolling over, bellies, tails... maybe an ear. Think of every single villain cliché you’ve ever seen and that sums up “The Dr*gon.”

Di*z’s moves are utterly predicable and I’ve heard the dialogue in about fifty other shows/movies. I wish they had just gone full throttle with plagiarism and stuck, “I’ll make him an offer he can’t refuse” in there. It’d feel more honest.

BS spends the entire episode asking the big strong man how to be a big strong villain. So, a win for feminism all around.

BS is so busy telling Di*z not to “roll over” she fails to see she’s following him around like a lost puppy.

Di*z is the lamest Arrow villain in history (Yes, even worse than Sebastian Blood), but BS is his henchman. So, what does that make her? Nothing good! I’ll tell ya that much.

In C*ssidy’s defense the dialogue is cringe worthy, but she didn’t make it any better with the over the top acting.

BS tells Di*z not to be a wuss, but when he listens she acts like she has a problem with violence. YOU JUST TOLD HIM NOT TO ROLL OVER. HE’S DOING WHAT YOU ASKED, KEVIN.

Yet, her eyes cannot behold the horror of Di*z beating a man. Her soul withers at the sight of Di*z killing. She blinks, sighs and turns away in disgust. SHE IS SO CONFLICTED.

Oh, holy hell. Are you kidding me with this crap? This is the same character who killed a security guard begging for his life. This is the same character who screamed in another man’s ear until his veins popped. She’s tried to kill the team multiple times. It’s a little difficult to believe BS has a hard time watching someone get punched. But we’re supposed to believe it because REDEMPTION. Sorry, Imma gonna need a little more than excessive blinking from C*ssidy to sell me on that one.

Di*z’s need to be a legitimate crime boss doesn’t mean the character translates as any more than the common street thug he is. His backstory is intended to make him look complex, but it does the direct opposite. We’ve seen “a villain is made not born” trope a thousand times, including on Arrow. Unfortunately, “bullied in an orphanage” doesn’t hold up against the backstories of Slade, Merlyn, Ra’s Ahl Ghul or Prometheus.

BS has the nerve to compare Di*z to Adrian Chase and I laughed out loud.

BS spent all of 15 seconds with Chase, but she knows his anger consumed him? Okay, cupcake. Whatever you say. Comparing the genius ways Chase inflicted pain and revenge on Oliver to the Dr*gon’s hum drum plan of vertigo and the Quadrant is just wrong. Why didn’t they do this villain focused episode with PROMETHEUS? That would have been a good time.

“But Jen, you didn’t like Prometheus at first. You thought he was boring and then you loved him.” Sure, that’s true, but by episode 19 we were full throttle on Adrian’s crazy.

There’s nothing to unmask with Di*z. This isn’t Josh Segarra going to another level. If it was those things then 6x19 was the episode to do it. All that’s revealed is more boring on top of boring. I can tolerate a misfire in the 10-15-episode range, but we’re rapidly approaching the end. It is incredibly late in the season to be telling us why we should give a flying fig newtin about Di*z. The writers need to come armed with a hell of a lot more than bullied and power hungry for a chair.

Stray Thoughts

It’s safe to say it’s going to be a terrible episode if the writer is tweeting as a PR defense strategy. We shouldn’t need episodes explained to us, but if we do then the answers should make a modicum of sense.

Oliver was in episode 3x10 more AND HE WAS “DEAD.” There’s a reason why Stephen Amell is the star. He carries the show. Don’t ever bench him, writers.

This wins Twitter:

Disclaimer: Any gifs on the blog are not mine. If you would like a gif removed from my reviews, please message me. 6x19 gifs credited.

#arrow #arrow 6x19 #felicity smoak #olicity #anti curtis holt #anti ricardo diaz #anti dragon #anti black siren #anti laurel lance #arrow reviews #arrow season 6 reviews #season 6 episode review #season 6 episode reviews

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burden2 · 6 years

Text

==> mage. decide.

HAL: Right.. So here it is…

HAL: About a year or so ago, Dirk and Jake made their own private trip to the nearest dream bubble. HAL: Y’know. typical bro date sort of thing.

SOLLUX: ....

HAL: Anyways. It seemed as though it was going off without a hitch. They were both having a laugh or two and they ended up talking to some of the ghosts that were there.

SOLLUX: okay.. HAL: I mention it because as it stands, talking to dead people wasn’t really up either of their alley. But they didn’t really have much of an option. One of the ghosts was an alternate of your pre scratch self Mituna. I think at some point he asked Dirk if he knew any wicked tricks. Which of course anyone with cool looking shades would absolutely know.

HAL: I think they briefly touched hands even.

SOLLUX: .... HAL: The reason I bring it up is because of what happened. Small dude actually started to flip over something. He went off about how he saw something horrible. I think he even started to cry a bit.

HAL: Of course, Dirk and Jake didn’t know what to do. But I guess one of Mituna’s friends actually saw that he was having a bad time and rushed over to help him out. I don’t think I actually knew them.

SOLLUX: well.. what did they look like?

HAL: Picture the type of mime that you would see in typical film noir fashion, mixed together with a cool skeleton.

SOLLUX: Oh.. Kurloz?

HAL: I mean they didn’t tell me their name but I’ll go off of your guess. He was pretty creepy.

HAL: Anyways the point is that he came over, saw his bro crying. I think he thought that maybe we did something. Because he used some weird power on Jake. He started talking in another voice. I think I have the recording of it in my memory hold on.

As the clip plays, static can be heard. Some words can be made out but for the most part it’s very indiscernible.

SOLLUX: .... HAL: Okay. Well. It looks like this file got corrupted somehow. Not sure how that happened considering all of my functions were optimal during that time. But I remember what he said so I’ll just tell you.

HAL: “It appears that my brother has witnessed a great undoing the likes of which have only been seen once before in his life.There is one among your group that will be the catalyst of this sacrifice and through their mistake will all of us pay. I’ve seen glimpses and peaked into the realm of Mituna’s psyche and the destruction that awaits will affect all of us.. including those within the bubbles. You must find the Thief of Light for her actions will be the start of this cataclysm.”

SOLLUX: ....

HAL: After that happened, Dirk and Jake have been looking around trying to find her. But after Vriska took hold of Roxy, she pretty much became untraceable, even with how good I am with coding we both aren’t as good as her. That’s when Dirk decided to pay a visit to Kanaya.

SOLLUX: well.. they were dating.

HAL: Exactly. But even Kanaya didn’t know where she was. Frankly it seemed as though she didn’t care either. But she did give Dirk a lead. We ended up going to her last location which is where we now are.

SOLLUX: ....

HAL: Jake was put to sleep by her but she left Dirk awake. Regardless though.. they both ended up dying. I don’t know where Jake’s body is since Vriska decided to cut all of my network functionality. I got turned into a glorified accessory for my bro’s persona.

HAL: I’ve been here ever since. I’ve had to turn on my extreme power saving mode and even resort to using some of the sunlight that would occasionally fall in during the mornings.

SOLLUX: .....

HAL: I’m sorry about what happened to Dirk. I know you really cared about him. But I think it’s crucial for you to repair me so I can warn everyone about Vriska and what she’s doing. Which.. we still don’t know what it is.

SOLLUX: I only know a bit. She forced me to be her troll guinea pig for a while and made me code a program.

HAL: Do you know what it does? SOLLUX: No.. some of the code was written in by someone else. Probably Roxy now that I’m thinking about it.

HAL: Ouch.

SOLLUX: Vriska can only use her powers on me for half of the time. So it didn’t make sense for her to try and manipulate me herself. So she decided to trollnap me from the hospital and chain me to a chair and forced me to work on her program for food. HAL: Holy shit.

SOLLUX: At some point she stopped coming. It was only a couple of days. But I barely remember what happened. I could barely keep myself conscious. I do remember that I accidentally broke a water pipe in the room I was in and nearly drowned myself like the idiot that I am.

HAL: Dude are you okay?

SOLLUX: Do you really want to ask me that question? HAL: ...Alright, I see what you’re getting at.

SOLLUX: Anyways. If I had my powers I probably could’ve escaped but ever since they’ve weakened I haven’t been able to do shit.

HAL: Do you know why they weakened?

SOLLUX: No.

HAL: Oh.

SOLLUX: But I’m pretty sure its just some inexplicable bullshit that gets spoon fed to me on a golden platter. Like pretty much all of the tragic events in my life.

SOLLUX: fuck.

HAL: Not to derail you but you still haven’t told me what it was that you coded for Vriska. Lives are at stake here.

SOLLUX: Right. Like I said I only coded part of it. But it seemed like a very complex program. It involved limited choice paths with a specific input. Whatever the program is supposed to do, it’s going to affect one thing only. HAL: Okay.

SOLLUX: That being said.. it still doesn’t make sense what Vriska told me.

HAL: What did she tell you?

SOLLUX: ...She offered me a choice. Continue on with my boring, lonely and in my opinion, pretty hedonistic life. Or.. end her and bring back all of the dead players in exchange for her life.

HAL: Woah.. that.. totally seems like a trap.

SOLLUX: That’s what I thought too.. but she sounded very convincing when I talked to her about it. She said that now that the game was over, there’s no real reason as to why all her.. our friends shouldn’t be here in the new session especially since death is an arbitrary obstacle in the session.

HAL: Well the problem with that is that death is an variable within SBURB’s base code that cannot be manipulated. SOLLUX: That’s what I told her. But she told me that there was another way.

HAL: There is?

SOLLUX: That’s what she told me. I’m not entirely too sure myself though. I’ve been through enough broken programs and script lines and computers exploding to tell you that changing the coding of the game is dangerous. Regardless of any outcome. But now.. I don’t know if I should believe her.

SOLLUX: Vriska was nuts. She still is. But I’d be lying if I said that we could have won the game without her guidance. Even if she did ended up backstabbing everyone.

HAL: So what are you going to do?

SOLLUX: I.. I don’t know..

SOLLUX: But at this point.. I don’t have anything else to lose.

HAL: Dude..

HAL: I think we might need some help.. you know, from other alternates you know? Anyone at all? SOLLUX: We can’t do that.

HAL: Why not?

SOLLUX: Because nobody is going to help. I posted about someone saving me from drowning and I nearly died relying on them.

HAL: .... SOLLUX: Besides. We don’t know yet what Vriska’s program does or how many people it will affect. I don’t want to bring anyone from the outside into their own death.

HAL: True..

HAL: So what do we do then?

SOLLUX: I don’t know.. But I think Vriska just self fulfilled her own death..

HAL: self fulfilled?

SOLLUX: I have visions of the people that are soon to be dead. I’ve been having them about Vriska for the last couple of days.

HAL: Isn’t that just.. you know.. uncertain?

SOLLUX: No.. All of my visions came true.. all the people I’ve heard or seen end up dying. It’s unchangeable.

SOLLUX: That being said.. I never heard Dirk. But I guess that was because he used his powers to hide that pain from me. Vriska on the other hand I didn’t hear up until recently..

HAL: ...So she’s going to die.

SOLLUX: Right.

SOLLUX: But you know what?

HAL: ....?

SOLLUX: Fuck that.

SOLLUX: If anyone is going to end up killing her. It’s going to be me.

SOLLUX: buzz buzz bitch.

#exposition #death mention #kidnapping mention #torture mention #slurs tw #(( wheezes #(( here it is #(( God this was kind of a lot

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The Matrix 4 Trailer Breakdown: Neo, Trinity, Morpheus, and…Smith?!

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The moment Matrix fans have been waiting for has finally arrived. The next chapter of Neo, Trinity, and Morpheus’ story is almost here and Warner Bros. has a trailer to prove it. It’s an action-packed first look at Resurrections, a sequel that seems to take the franchise in new directions, and introduces quite a few new mysteries to the already complex lore of The Matrix, all accompanied by Jefferson Airplane’s “White Rabbit.”

While it refreshingly plays things very close to the chest at a time when most trailers give away 2/3 of the plot, I’ve tried my best to dissect the trailer for some answers. But as you’ll find in the breakdown below, I’ve mostly been left with more questions and tons of excitement for this movie. Plus, a few theories.

Before I get to it, have a look at the trailer if you haven’t already:

Okay, let’s enter the Matrix.

The Setting: Is this the Matrix or Machine Heaven?

This trailer is so disorienting, it’s unclear where this Matrix movie even takes place. These movies have always been multi-setting stories, between the big simulation, smaller programs, and the real world, but this movie’s setting is particularly vital information since it’ll explain what’s going on in some of the weirder parts of the trailer.

Our first glimpse of Neo’s life after the events of The Matrix Revolutions reveals he’s back in a simulation as Thomas Anderson, but is it the Matrix we know and love? Maybe. This idyllic city by the sea doesn’t really look like the dystopian, sprawling Mega City from the original trilogy.

You may have also noticed that the signature green tint is gone. There’s actually an explanation for that. When the Matrix was rebooted at the end of Revolutions, it came back online without the greenish hue, with Sati creating a beautiful, otherworldly sunrise (not unlike the one shining down on the bridge in the first picture) in tribute to Neo.

But there’s also the possibility that this is a completely different simulation all together. I’ve gone on about this in other articles, but I have a few theories as to where this movie takes place: 1) it’s set in the same version of the Matrix as the first three movies but rebooting the simulation meant tweaks to the city, 2) this is a completely new version of the Matrix created as a successor to the one from the original trilogy, 3) this isn’t the Matrix at all and is instead a separate digital world.

Hear me out on that last point: we watched Neo die in Revolutions, not as himself but after being assimilated by Smith. Becoming one with Smith allows the Machines to send a kill signal from the real world, deleting the rogue program once and for all. But where do programs go when they’re deleted? Reloaded refers to a vague place called “the Source,” which seems to be the central mainframe of the Machines. Programs marked for deletion are supposedly absorbed by the Source.

Since Neo died only after he turned into a Smith while in the Matrix, and his real-world body died in the Machine City, what if Neo’s digital form has somehow become stuck in some sort “machine heaven” inside the Source? This theory doesn’t necessarily track with other shots of real-world Neo later in the trailer, but it could be a possible explanation for why there’s a different version of Morpheus in this movie and why Jonathan Groff’s character tells Neo at the end of the trailer that he’s going “back to the Matrix.”

Also, maybe this is just a wink at the audience, but at one point, Neo is fighting his way out of a place called “Deus Ex Machina.” This is a reference to the Machine leader who Neo brokered peace with in Revolutions. It doesn’t seem like an accident that it appears here. Perhaps the plot of the movie is that Neo is stuck in the Source and eventually he tries to find his way out?

Neo and the Blue Pill

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Wherever Neo is, he doesn’t remember the events of the first three movies and has returned to his life as sad sack Thomas Anderson. But memories of his past life are starting to sneak their way back into his head.

We see him consulting a psychiatrist played by Neil Patrick Harris to see if he’s “crazy” but it’s clear that Neo will soon wake up and re-learn the truth about his past. But someone clearly wants to stop that from happening. We watch Neo take blue pills Since the blue pills symbolize ignorance of the truth, it’s likely that these pills are stopping Neo from regaining his memories and abilities. Neo’s ditches his prescription and opts for Morpheus’ red pill later in the trailer, though.

During the red pill sequence, it looks like Morpheus and his crew have found a way to play back Neo’s past for him on a projector. How this is possible beats me, but just go with it. This is likely when Neo fully wakes up.

This scene will eventually be interrupted by a trigger-happy SWAT team, of course. What an image.

How Are Neo and Trinity Back in the First Place?

Things are about to get more confusing. If Neo and Trinity are really back in the Matrix…how the hell is that even possible? After all, they both died in the real world, which is, you know, a major obstacle to overcome if you want to get plugged back in. Yet, we see them both in the real world, hooked back up to machines, although it’s unclear if they’re back at the power plant that powers Machine City. Above, you can see Trinity seemingly alive in the real world but back in the clutches of the Machines.

The trailer does seem to tease that we’ll learn what happened to Neo’s body after Revolutions. Usually, humans are liquefied upon death to feed the rest of the crop, but Neo is no ordinary human. There are a few blink-and-you’ll-miss-it snapshots of the Machines doing something to Neo’s body, seemingly performing some sort of procedure. Neo’s eyes remain scorched from the events of Revolutions, as well.

All this implies some major, new Matrix lore could be introduced in this movie. Until now, the process through which the Machines grow humans has largely remained a mystery. We know they’re grown in pods and fed liquid human remains, but how do the Machines create these humans in the first place? And do their abilities extend far beyond growing new humans to power their city? What if the Machines also have the ability to bring the dead back to life as they seem to be doing with Neo and Trinity?

This also seems to support Cypher’s belief that the Machines could actually plug people back into the Matrix, something Trinity said wasn’t true in the original movie. Smith told Cypher that he would not only get plugged back in but that he wouldn’t remember anything about his miserable life in the real world. The Agents even promised him that they could give him a new, better life within the simulation. Cypher hoped to return as an important actor. This may be why Neo and Trinity don’t remember each other at first in the new movie.

Neo and Trinity’s Connection

Neo and Trinity’s connection is way too strong, though. They’ve brought each other back from the dead a couple of times, surely a little memory loss isn’t going to keep them apart for long. We watch them meet for “the first time” at a coffee shop — a place called “Simulatte,” as revealed by teaser footage released earlier this week — and then they’re back to kicking ass like the old days.

But it’s clear things have also changed. For example, there’s something weird going on with Trinity’s face, which seems to be bleeding…Matrix code? Does this mean this isn’t Trinity at all but a program designed to simulate her for Neo while he’s trapped in machine heaven? That doesn’t really add up with the fact that we also see Trinity alive in the real world. Maybe their digital selves are stuck in two different places and she’s actually back in the Matrix? I’ll admit I can’t get any of my theories to line up perfectly just yet.

The trailer also teases new abilities for the duo. Particularly interesting is that they can now create some sort of energy wave when they touch.

Trinity can also send out a shockwave that can put SWAT teams on their ass. But wait, the reverberation reveals another face behind Trinity’s… Who is that and what’s happening here? Shoot me some thoughts in the comments!

Is that Hugo Weaving as Smith?!

Speaking of hidden faces, in both the trailer and earlier teaser footage, we learn that Neo’s reflection isn’t quite right. When he looks in the mirror, someone else sometimes looks back. We get the best look at that reflection in the scene where Morpheus offers Neo the red pill…and holy crap, is that Hugo Weaving’s face CGI’d onto Keanu’s head?! If it is, this could mean that a bit of Smith’s code still lingers inside Neo, which also supports the idea that Neo is stuck in the Source and not the Matrix.

Is it Morpheus’ mission to somehow get him out of there? Now that you mention Morpheus…

Yahya Abdul-Mateen II as Morpheus

Ladies and gentlemen, if you weren’t sure about the rumors before, we have confirmation: Yahya Abdul-Mateen is playing Morpheus in The Matrix Resurrections. But there’s something weird going on with Morpheus, too.

One shot from the trailer is particularly interesting. Morpheus is staring at himself in the mirror, condensation on the glass made to resemble Matrix code (“digital rain”) over the mystery man’s face. He looks intently into the mirror, noticing how its surface turns to liquid when he touches it.

So what’s going on here? The green hue of the scene confirms this is Abdul-Mateen inside of the simulation, but judging from his reaction to the mirror, he doesn’t seem aware that he’s in the Matrix. Morpheus looks genuinely surprised by this sudden glitch, something Laurence Fishburne would’ve taken in stride in the original trilogy. So does this mean this movie follows Morpheus before he was unplugged? Is this movie somehow a continuation of Neo and Trinity’s story but also a Morpheus origin story?

Well, maybe this is just a flashback because we later see Morpheus doing normal Morpheus stuff, like training with Neo in the sparring program.

(Like much in the trailer, the dojo seems to be a located in a place meant to evoke Alice in Wonderland.)

But we haven’t addressed the elephant in the room: why does Morpheus look completely different now if this movie seems to mostly take place after Revolutions when Morpheus looked a lot like Laurence Fishburne? Well, yes, it could be a simple recast, but this is also the universe that created whole lore about program re-skins when the Wachowskis were forced to recast the Oracle with Mary Alice after Gloria Foster’s death while filming the third movie. So there will likely be an explanation.

This could go back to one of my theories about the where this movie takes place. What if this is a continuation of Neo and Trinity’s story but in a new version of the Matrix? As the Architect once told Neo in The Matrix Reloaded, the Machines have created several versions of the simulation, tweaking things as needed to improve the program and make humanity more subservient. It’s an endless loop that has seen the heroes try to save Zion from the Machines several times before. The Matrix trilogy covered the Sixth Matrix.

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We know that each version of the Matrix places someone in the role of “the One” in order to correct the anomaly in the program, but it wasn’t clear whether it was always someone named Neo. If that were the case, that could explain why there’s someone new in the Morpheus role, too. Perhaps the Sixth Matrix’s Neo and Trinity being in this potential seventh version is corrupting things, which is why the Machines are working to keep the duo from remembering their past. (But then why would the Machines have plugged them back in in the first place?) None of this makes sense!

Or is there a bigger twist behind all this?

In footage from the teasers released earlier this week, we someone who looks like Abdul-Mateen’s Morpheus being formed from thousands of little particles expelled by some sort of machine. Are those supposed to be tiny nano bots, sort of like more advanced versions of the insect droids that formed Deus Ex Machina’s face in The Matrix Revolutions? Does that mean Morpheus was a machine or program all along?

That certainly would be quite the twist if true. What if Morpheus was a Machine sleeper cell, just another system of control all along — a “true believer” designed to rally Zion around the One in order for the Machines to more easily lead humanity through the loop that would eventually lead to the city’s destruction?

Yeah, that sounds a little far-fetched even for a Matrix movie. Maybe it’s just this version of Morpheus that’s a machine, created to jump start Neo’s journey after another faction has kept him hooked on the blue pill for years. What if this is a version of the Matrix where Thomas Anderson never got to make a choice in 1999 and has lived his life ignorant of his true purpose? In this scenario, maybe it would be the Machines themselves trying to wake up Neo. After all, without him completing his journey, the program can’t survive.

I’m giving myself a headache. Let’s move on.

Jessica Henwick as Bugs

According to Variety, Jessica Henwick’s blue-haired badass is named Bugs, which I assume is a nod to the tattoo of the white rabbit on her arm, another reference to Alice in Wonderland as well as the first Matrix movie. When Henwick was cast, it was reported that she would be playing a major role in the movie and that seems to be true.

We see her guiding Neo through a doorway to “the truth,” while later she’s running around with Morpheus, shooting at bad guys and doing A LOT of flips. It’s good to see there are going to be plenty of cool stunts in this movie.

Jonathan Groff as the Villain?

The trailer ends with who many are speculating is the villain of the movie: Jonathan Groff’s mysterious businessman who welcomes Neo (and fans) back to the Matrix. I’ve heard several theories so far, but my two favorite ones are that Groff is playing a new version of Smith or that he’s a new skin for the Architect. Whatever the case, he could be the one working to keep Neo hooked on the blue pill.

One interesting detail in the background is what looks like a “DM” logo desk plate. Is this another reference to “Deus Ex Machina?” Is it some sort of program-run company?

Another scene of note is the one where Neo is on his knees, a gun pointed at his head. We don’t see who exactly is holding the pistol. Is that Groff? I also just find it interesting how this scene kind of rhymes with the Morpheus scene from the first movie.

Priyanka Chopra, Brian Jacob Smith, and Max Riemelt

We get glimpses of other characters, too. There’s Priyanka Chopra’s character, who’s reading Alice in Wonderland when Neo drops by her shop.

Also appearing are Brian Jacob Smith and Max Riemelt, both stars of Sense8, the ensemble sci-fi series created by the Wachowskis. You can see Smith running around with Morpheus’ crew while Riemelt has made a very bad choice and picked a fight with Neo.

The Real World

The movie will visit the real world, too. We see a Zion ship flying through underground tunnels. Teaser clips also confirmed we’ll also meet at least one other crew in the movie. With Jada Pincket Smith set to reprise her role, could this be Niobe’s ship, Logos?

Meanwhile, the Machines are still all about renewable energy.

There’s also whatever this is supposed to be?

Agents Are Back

What’s a Matrix movie without Agents? We already know Daniel Bernhardt is reprising his role as Reloaded‘s Agent Johnson, but there are a few other Agents in the mix to give Neo, Trinity, Morpheus, and friends a very hard time.

Even Morpheus looks like he’s dressed like an Agent at one point!

Matrix Weirdness

There a few other weird moments in this trailer worth highlighting. Judging from the way Morpheus and Bugs are somehow able to seemingly open portals in the simulation to stop themselves from going splat on the pavement during an action sequence where they jump out of a building, it looks like Resurrections is really going to mess with how the Matrix works, breaking all kinds of rules. It’s not just about jump from one skyscraper to the other anymore.

Morpheus and his squad seem to be able to travel through mirrors at will, too. It’s maybe their favorite form of transportation. (I don’t know who the person next to Bugs is as they walk through the mirror and into the restaurant.)

There’s also a very cool inverted hallway that defies the laws of gravity. Par for the course for the Matrix but cool just the same.

Lots of Action

As trippy as the sci-fi in The Matrix gets, this is an action franchise at its core, and the trailer promises the types of big action set pieces you’ve come to expect from these movies. That includes Neo stopping bullets and redirecting missiles with his mind! It definitely looks like the Neo we know and love will for sure be back in the One shape by the third act of this movie.

We also got a quick look at the motorcycle chase sequence that we first learned about through photos from the Mexico City set. Trinity speeds through the fiery streets, with Neo riding shotgun.

There’s also an action sequence inside a train. Bugs, Morpheus, and their squad run through the carts just as someone fires a rocket into the train. Should be a fun sequence.

Oh, and did I mention Abdul-Mateen fits right into the Morpheus role?

Spot anything I missed? Let me know in the comments!

The Matrix Resurrections arrives in theaters and on HBO Max on Dec. 22.

The post The Matrix 4 Trailer Breakdown: Neo, Trinity, Morpheus, and…Smith?! appeared first on Den of Geek.

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delicatedreamlandstrawberry · 4 years

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Weebly Themesbeautiful Themes For Your Site, Blog Or Store

With over 40 million people hosting their websites and serving over 325 million unique visitors each month, Weebly is known as one of the most popular platforms for building websites.

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Weebly Themesbeautiful Themes For Your Site Blog Or Stores

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Weebly Themesbeautiful Themes For Your Site Blog Or Stored

Our Weebly templates allow you to create unique pages in a style that is best suited to your target audience. Fully styled store and blog Templates consistent styling of blog and store pages and all options offered by Weebly allow you to take advantage of your audience with a few simple clicks. Weebly allows you to change your websites Theme as often as you like without losing any of your content. Weebly will auto-format the images and text you have already added to fit your new theme. Click on the Theme option at the top of your Weebly account. Click Change Theme on the left hand side to access the Theme Gallery.

Since its initial launch in 2007, Weebly has come a long way. The platform now supports 15 different languages and comes with a variety of incredible features, including support for eCommerce websites, blogging, mobile apps, and most important feature of all, the ease of use.

When talking about building websites, the first platform that comes to our mind is WordPress. However, it requires a little bit of a learning curve and some technical knowledge in order to setup a website with WordPress. Plus, after setting up the site with WordPress, you’ll be in charge of maintaining it, updating the database, plugins, and customizing themes, and many other functions as well.

All this can be a little too overwhelming for someone without any web development experience. For those people, Weebly can be an excellent alternative for easily building websites without any technical experience.

Similar to Squarespace, Weebly is a great all-in-one solution for building all kinds of websites from personal portfolios to small business websites and online stores. Want proof? Have a look at some of the most beautiful websites that entrepreneurs have built using Weebly and see for yourself.

01. The Box Bros

This particular website will win you over with its exemplary use of minimalism. Instead of stuffing the website with too much content and images, the website for this gift box store uses a static homepage with only its logo and a CTA with a link to its store. It’s simple, elegant, and effective at the same time.

The store section of the website also uses a minimalist layout and minimal product pages. The Box Bros website shows that complex and large websites doesn’t have to look cluttered with megamenus and too much text and images. It can be as simple as this.

02. Japhlet Bire Attias

Chapman Stick artist Japhlet Attias’ website is yet another brilliant example of a stunningly designed Weebly website. This website uses a theme that comes with a number of great features, including sections for embedded videos, streaming audio music, and more.

The website also uses a single-page scrolling design and appears to match perfectly with the style of the solo musician.

03. Brand iD

This Melbourne-based brand and design agency also uses Weebly to power up their company website. Brand iD website features a single-page design that neatly includes all the details about the agency services, their mission, as well as a portfolio section filled with all their branding work.

Brand iD website design also seems to follow several new design trends, such as hamburger menus, ghost buttons, and fullscreen header images as well.

04. Classic Cut & Shave

Who says websites are only useful to digital and modern businesses? This website for the barber shop, Classic Cut & Shave, will show you how effective websites can be for brick and mortar businesses.

The online booking system is probably the most useful feature of this website. It allows people to book a seat at the barber shop at a preferred time with their favorite barber.

05. Brighton Secondary School Music

The beautifully animated header background is the first thing you’re going to notice in this attractive school website. The Brighton Secondary School in South Australia has used its design quite nicely to their advantage to showcase their talent, programs, and more.

The website features a number of useful widgets as well, including an event calendar, an animated notices section, and more.

06. SF Bay Area Design

Freelance graphic designer Josh Barton uses a Weebly website to attract more clients for his business online. Josh’s website is simple and beautiful. It includes a section for case studies from his past projects, an effective contact page, testimonials from clients, details about Josh, and more. It’s pretty much everything you’d expect to see on a personal portfolio website.

07. Fusedale Design

Graphic designer Nick Fusedale uses Weebly with a stunning theme for his professional portfolio website, where he showcases all his work. The website features lots of sliders, which he uses to feature his projects with many pictures.

08. We Talk Money

We Talk Money is an independent agency that provides financial advice. The agency uses its Weebly-powered website to effectively explain what they do, the services they offer, along with some advice for beginners, and includes contact information to get in touch with the agency.

The website also features a static sidebar with navigation links. A nice feature that you don’t normally see on most other websites.

09. Leadapreneur

This is the main website of a popular online course that teaches entrepreneurship to young leaders. Over 30,000 people have participated in the program. Leadapreneur’s main website acts as a starting point for its new students to learn more about their programs. As you can see, the website also features an eye-catching design.

10. The Whiskey Ball

Another all-in-one website that comes with a landing page, a blog, and an online store packed into one Weebly website. The Whiskey Ball website features a modern design while brilliantly showcasing its products throughout the homepage with links directing users to its shop.

The Whiskey Ball shop also includes a beautiful layout and detailed product pages.

11. Douk Snow

Weebly Themesbeautiful Themes For Your Site Blog Or Store Crossword

Douk Snow sells handle made skis and snowboards out of the UK. To do that, they have a simple, minimal eCommerce store powered by Weebly.

12. Leo Edwards Photography

Leo Edwards is an adventure photographer who uses Weebly to showcase his work. It’s a simple website with lots of large images, as you can see on the homepage above.

13. Flaming Pear Software

Flaming Pear Software offers creative plugins for Photoshop and uses Weebly for its website.

14. Backwoods Soap and Body Products

Backwoods Soap makes soap and other body products from beer or hops, which is a unique take on personal hygiene. To sell their products, they have a simple site powered by Weebly. Social media grid display any instagram feed on your site account.

15. April Borrelli

April Borreli uses Weebly to power her portfolio of illustrations, designs, and fiber crafts.

16. Young Marine Explorers

Young Marine Explorers aims to “inspire youth of global coastal communities to engage in marine conservation”. To help them achieve that goal, they use Weebly.

17. Just Comfort Shoes

As you’d expect from the name, Just Comfort Shoes uses Weebly to sell…comfortable shoes!

18. Harmony Homeopathics

Harmony Homeopathics sells homeopathic sprays to help people “unlock a deeper level of healing and harmony”.

19. Page Eighty Four Design

Page Eighty Four Design is the portfolio for graphic designer, Jag Nagra. It features tons of colorful illustrations to showcase her work. Latex software, free download mac os x.

20. Argyle Yarn Shop

As the name implies, Argyle Yarn Shop uses Weebly to sell yarn out of Brooklyn, NY.

21. Our Table

Our Table is a food coop based in Sherwood Oregon that uses Weebly to power its community website.

22. Farm Lighting

Farm Lighting sells heavy-duty lighting for farmers and other businesses.

23. Waidsack

Waidsack is an Austrian store that sells handmade bags using Weebly.

24. Dwarmis

https://delicatedreamlandstrawberry.tumblr.com/post/644940550745866240/mac-pro-cosmeticshome. Dwarmis is a boutique fashion brand in New York that uses Weebly to power its lookbook and eCommerce store.

25. Wall’in

Wall’in is a French service that provides unique interior decorating solutions.

26. Wonderfully Cheap Websites

Weebly Themes

Wonderfully Cheap Websites sells flat-rate Weebly websites for $799. Their own portfolio site is built using – you guessed it – Weebly.

27. Yaak River Base Camp

Yaak River Base Camp is a beautiful outdoor activity area in Montana.

28. Dakota Drone Aerial Photography

Dakota Drone Aerial Photography sells drone photography and video as a service for marketing, events, or business uses.

29. Storytelling Strands

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Storytelling Strands sells natural stones and crystals. It doesn’t use Weebly for eCommerce directly, instead opting to link to the Storytelling Strands Etsy store.

30. St. Teresa Orphans Foundation

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St. Teresa Orphans Foundation is a non-profit located in Tanzania that works with orphans and other vulnerable children.

Conclusion

Weebly Template Examples

As you may have figured out by now, Weebly is not just a platform for creating simple landing pages and portfolios. It’s also a great platform for building large and complex websites as well. But, is it better and Squarespace, Wix, or Virb? We’ll let you decide that.

Weebly Themesbeautiful Themes For Your Site Blog Or Stored

Have you seen any other great websites that use Weebly? Share them with us in the comments section.

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tocowobi · 4 years

Text

Performs Rad 140 Dosage Build Muscle?

All the refer to testolone might possess your scalp rotating a little.

Boasted as being the key to durability, vitality, and bodybuilding toughness as well as development, it has created the headlines rounds and then some.

What is it, perform you need additional of it, and will it assist you build muscle mass? Let's take a closer consider this wonder hormone and find if all the talk holds true or only another target of bro-science.

What is testolone?

Technically talking, testolone is a steroid hormone that stimulates development of male secondary sexual attributes, generated primarily in the testes, yet also in the ovaries and adrenal peridium. Of course, girls create testolone too. It possesses functionalities in almost all exercise. It's what supports power, durability, and strength. Without it, you would certainly certainly not have the capacity to work or even function in the gym for any length of your time or even amount of magnitude.

Low testolone levels are associated with low sex drive, grumpiness, reduction of muscle mass, and unwanted body weight increase. As natural testolone amounts begin to dip in your 30s, a lot of men seek substitute therapy in a range of forms: supplements, shots or even patches.

Performs Your Physical body Needed to have testolone?

Positively! When it relates to physical fitness, muscle growth, as well as fat loss, typical testolone amounts are crucial for you to succeed at your exercise targets-- as well as this features women. Right now, below our company are actually discussing natural testolone bodily hormones and also not the synthetic injectable kind normally referred to as anabolic steroids. Due to the fact that organic testolone levels need to be actually stabilized typically, you might need other means to improve creation.

As said previously, low levels will certainly weaken your efforts certainly not only in the gym, but in the room. Throughout your 20s and also adolescents, you most-likely are going to possess little problem regarding your testolone development. As you hit your 30s and past is when you need to have to very carefully look at your lifestyle as it relates to stress levels, health and fitness efforts and nourishment techniques.

Carries out testolone Build Muscle mass?

That's the big question listed here. Performs testolone (normally developing in the physical body) really build muscle? Yes as well as no.

Analysis has operated the numbers and explained that if you are actually below the regular ranges at that point certainly, you will definitely possess a more challenging opportunity building muscle mass. With that stated, if you maintain usual levels of rad 140 results then you are going to truthfully not possess any kind of perk of increasing those amounts in the upper arrays of regular in order to possess a conveniences of building more muscle mass.

When it involves weight loss the story is actually a bit various. Conforming to research, as testolone amounts enhanced, therefore did weight loss. Thus, naturally increasing your levels in the top, ordinary arrays are going to possess an impact on fat loss but not muscular tissue increase.

How To Increase testolone Levels Naturally

So supposing you're one of the unfortunate ones who possesses low testolone levels? With each one of the above mentioned, if your amounts are actually normally low, you would stand up to help to raise your degrees thus you can, once again, start building muscle and also dropping excess fat. If you are versus bodily hormone replacement treatments after that you are in good fortune and also perhaps in much better form than your therapy-taking peers.

Right here are some methods you can naturally enhance your testolone levels:

Evaluate anxiety amounts: Tension may eliminate testolone amounts. The even more worry you have the lesser your "T" degrees will be actually. Make certain to handle your stress, locate methods to blow off steam (properly) as well as adopt a rule or even discover tools and secrets to dissipate it from your life. The less stress and anxiety, the better.

Eat a well balanced diet plan with fat: Of training program you need a blend of complicated carbs and total proteins, however you additionally require hormone-friendly well-balanced fats. Reduced amounts of both unsaturated and also saturated fats can easily result in reduced "T.".

Obtain some sleep: Sleeping starvation as well as stress can quickly go together for being "T" fantastics. Absence of sleep will merely drag you down a road of body weight gain, much less muscular tissue as well as little motivation. Obtain 7 to 9 hours every evening.

Train the right way: Be sure you are actually conducting some kind of resistance instruction. Cardio courses are actually terrific plus all, but you will certainly need to have to raise some iron in order to get your hormonal agents pumping-- literally. Pick the major, standard substance, multi-joint assists.

Always keep body system fat deposits reduced: Don't allow your body fat creep up on you. Keep it in check as well as attempt to preserve a rather lean-ish build so you may keep your testolone burning body fat. Think about it as a lean-burning motor merely using what you take into it.

#140 Dosage

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superchaosfury · 4 years

Text

Store Related.weebly.com

With over 40 million people hosting their websites and serving over 325 million unique visitors each month, Weebly is known as one of the most popular platforms for building websites.

Continue building your Weebly e-commerce store by adding products! Weebly gives you a host of options for each product, so you can make it look its best, while still meeting web standards.

Related: How to Create a Free Blog with Weebly: 3 Simple Steps Online Store Creation with weebly Check the below demo explaining the step by step process of creating an online store in Weebly starting from site creation to actual view of your store in a published site.

A store of the best free apps and widgets for Weebly sites. Help in settings, compliant with all Weebly versions and custom plugin setting. Welcome to Our Store, Please inform any inquiries related to the item you have purchased.If there is a defect when arrived make sure to take a photograph and send to us.We will make sure to solve the issue with utmost care. Leaving a Negative feedback will not solve the matter. Thank You for visiting us and Please visit us again.

01. The Box Bros

02. Japhlet Bire Attias

The website also uses a single-page scrolling design and appears to match perfectly with the style of the solo musician.

03. Brand iD

Brand iD website design also seems to follow several new design trends, such as hamburger menus, ghost buttons, and fullscreen header images as well.

04. Classic Cut & Shave

Who says websites are only useful to digital and modern businesses? This website for the barber shop, Classic Cut & Shave, will show you how effective websites can be for brick and mortar businesses.

The online booking system is probably the most useful feature of this website. It allows people to book a seat at the barber shop at a preferred time with their favorite barber.

05. Brighton Secondary School Music

The website features a number of useful widgets as well, including an event calendar, an animated notices section, and more.

06. SF Bay Area Design

07. Fusedale Design

08. We Talk Money

The website also features a static sidebar with navigation links. A nice feature that you don’t normally see on most other websites.

09. Leadapreneur

Weebly Store Tutorial

10. The Whiskey Ball

The Whiskey Ball shop also includes a beautiful layout and detailed product pages.

11. Douk Snow

Douk Snow sells handle made skis and snowboards out of the UK. To do that, they have a simple, minimal eCommerce store powered by Weebly.

12. Leo Edwards Photography

Leo Edwards is an adventure photographer who uses Weebly to showcase his work. It’s a simple website with lots of large images, as you can see on the homepage above.

13. Flaming Pear Software

Flaming Pear Software offers creative plugins for Photoshop and uses Weebly for its website.

14. Backwoods Soap and Body Products

Backwoods Soap makes soap and other body products from beer or hops, which is a unique take on personal hygiene. To sell their products, they have a simple site powered by Weebly.

15. April Borrelli

April Borreli uses Weebly to power her portfolio of illustrations, designs, and fiber crafts.

16. Young Marine Explorers

Young Marine Explorers aims to “inspire youth of global coastal communities to engage in marine conservation��. To help them achieve that goal, they use Weebly.

17. Just Comfort Shoes

Weebly Online Store Plans

As you’d expect from the name, Just Comfort Shoes uses Weebly to sell…comfortable shoes!

18. Harmony Homeopathics

Harmony Homeopathics sells homeopathic sprays to help people “unlock a deeper level of healing and harmony”.

19. Page Eighty Four Design

Page Eighty Four Design is the portfolio for graphic designer, Jag Nagra. It features tons of colorful illustrations to showcase her work.

20. Argyle Yarn Shop

As the name implies, Argyle Yarn Shop uses Weebly to sell yarn out of Brooklyn, NY.

21. Our Table

Our Table is a food coop based in Sherwood Oregon that uses Weebly to power its community website.

22. Farm Lighting

Farm Lighting sells heavy-duty lighting for farmers and other businesses.

23. Waidsack

Waidsack is an Austrian store that sells handmade bags using Weebly.

24. Dwarmis

Dwarmis is a boutique fashion brand in New York that uses Weebly to power its lookbook and eCommerce store.

25. Wall’in

Wall’in is a French service that provides unique interior decorating solutions.

26. Wonderfully Cheap Websites

Wonderfully Cheap Websites sells flat-rate Weebly websites for $799. Their own portfolio site is built using – you guessed it – Weebly.

27. Yaak River Base Camp

Yaak River Base Camp is a beautiful outdoor activity area in Montana.

28. Dakota Drone Aerial Photography

Dakota Drone Aerial Photography sells drone photography and video as a service for marketing, events, or business uses.

29. Storytelling Strands

Storytelling Strands sells natural stones and crystals. It doesn’t use Weebly for eCommerce directly, instead opting to link to the Storytelling Strands Etsy store.

30. St. Teresa Orphans Foundation

St. Teresa Orphans Foundation is a non-profit located in Tanzania that works with orphans and other vulnerable children.

Conclusion

Have you seen any other great websites that use Weebly? Share them with us in the comments section.

You must navigate to your Weebly site’s store editor. Find out how to do this by reading our Finding Weebly’s Store Editor. Once there, follow these steps:

In the sidebar, click Products

Click +Add Product

Input information for your product into the following sections:

Product Information: Enter general information about the product here, like product type, price, weight, etc.

Product Options: Click +Add Options to add options to the product, such as color, size, etc. and select the input type that customers will use to interact with product options. Click Save when finished.

Product Images: Click Add Images to upload a product image to go with the product.

Advanced Options: Click Show to display SEO and permalink options for this product.

When finished inputting the information into the sections, click Save in the top right-hand corner of the screen.

You have just added one product to your store. You can add more products by repeating this process.

Was this article helpful?

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shirlleycoyle · 4 years

Text

The Movie Theater as We Know It Is Dying. We Can Make Something Better

One of the things this pandemic has taken from us is the summer blockbuster. The summer months came and went, and throughout that time movie-goers largely stayed home. For people like director Christopher Nolan, whose movie Tenet released in theaters after a delayed launch and performed below expectations, this is a sign of the end of cinema. Outside of the strict confines of Hollywood, though, small theaters and distributors are seeing new ways to show movies and create community. Along the way, they're redefining what it means to be movie theaters.

The blockbuster is a relatively new invention. Although the early days of cinema had movies that were huge hits—like the 1927 movie It, which turned Clara Bow into a star and smashed box office records at the time—one movie dominating theaters for an entire summer wouldn't happen for another 30 years. Steven Spielberg's Jaws and George Lucas's Star Wars ushered in the age of the blockbuster in the 70s, in a time when the landscape of cinema was moving away from the studio system and into uncharted waters.

Cinema is at another crossroads now, in the age of the pandemic. In New York and Los Angeles, two of the biggest cities for movies, theaters are not allowed to open, and haven't been since March. Rather than a Marvel movie topping the charts at the end of the year, Sonic the Hedgehog has dominated by virtue of just being able to come out. The success of Trolls World Tour had studios scared back in April; it made over one hundred million dollars premiering as a digital rental. In response, AMC threatened to stop screening movies from Trolls' studio, Universal. One movie theater chain, Regal, has closed all of its 536 theaters in the US, blaming New York's pandemic rules for the closure.

Tenet | Image Source: Warner Bros.

From the start, Nolan has made it a personal mission to continue to support movie theaters. Not only has he refused anything except a traditional, theater first release for Tenet, he has written op-eds about keeping theaters open and made a point to see movies in theaters himself. But the very real threat of COVID-19 has gotten in the way of seeing movies in theaters—by December, the movie had only grossed around $57 million domestically, though the international gross has been higher, at $300 million. The movie cost $200 million to make.

Tenet's dismal performance seems like the final nail in the coffin. Some of the movies that were supposed to open concurrently with Tenet, like the new Wonder Woman movie, have changed their strategies so that they're available to watch at home at the same time as they're available in theaters. Theater chains like AMC have struck deals to shorten the window between theatrical runs and movies becoming available on video on demand services. Even more recently, Warner Bros. has announced that their entire slate of movies for 2021 would premiere on HBO Max as well as in theaters.

The pandemic has forced movie theaters to change a system of distribution that has been in place for over half a century. This doesn't just mean figuring out how to show movies online, but how to serve the communities that rise up around theaters themselves.

When the pandemic started, Spectacle Theater was a 35-seat, volunteer-run theater in Williamsburg that showed movies from way, way off the beaten path. It immediately complied with the order to close in March, but it was difficult for the volunteers who run the theater to know what to do next. After one of the volunteers started streaming movies on their Twitch channel, the members of Spectacle decided to have Twitch streams of their own.

Spectacle Theater is a microcinema, with about 30 seats. Its space in Williamsburg, Brooklyn is so small that I have walked past it every day when I used to commute to the VICE office without noticing it once. Caroline Golum, a programmer from Spectacle who said they were speaking in their capacity as a member of the non-hierarchical, volunteer-run theater and not as its leader, said that some of its screenings would have as little as five people in the audience before the pandemic.

"We like to say that if we had a dollar for every person who was like, 'I love Spectacle,' but hasn't actually shown up, we would be on fucking easy street," Golum told Motherboard.

On Twitch, it's a different story. They got viewers in much, much higher numbers than their theater would have been able to seat, as well as attracting people from all over the world who had only been to their theater once, if at all.

“Christopher Nolan is encouraging theaters to open up in the middle of the pandemic. This was the wrong thing to be crusading for right now.”

"In May or in April, we did a series of screenings with Matt Farley and Charles Roxburgh who are two regional filmmakers from New Hampshire who make these shoestring budget genre films. They've been doing it for like 20 years. In an alternate universe, those guys would be famous and Kevin Smith would be a fucking nobody, and you can print that," Golum said. "They were in the chat and people were asking them like, 'Where'd you film this? What were your favorite influences?' all this stuff. And they loved it."

"I think for filmmakers who don't have an avenue for public exhibition but make work that should be viewed collectively, it's nice for them to have an opportunity to know that their work is being seen," they continued.

Spectacle has worked with organizers and programmers from all over the world, giving them an international reputation. Programming on Twitch has allowed the people who have always wished they could have gone to Spectacle a chance to actually attend. Spectacle now has over 2,000 followers on Twitch, several hundred times more than would fit inside the theater. Spectacle is now offering a membership to their out of state and international fans so that they can support the theater monetarily from afar.

"I was just surprised by the number of people that were like, 'Oh, I've always wanted to go to Spectacle and I never got to,' or someone that lived in London was like, 'I've been following your programming and can never got to catch anything,'" Golum said.

Spectacle Theater | Image Source: Spectacle Theater

For Aliza Ma, director of programming at Metrograph, a renowned art house theater in Lower Manhattan, not being able to show movies meant a chance to reevaluate what a theater can be. For starters, opening a theater at this moment in time is not the right approach, she said.

"Christopher Nolan is encouraging theaters to open up in the middle of the pandemic. This was the wrong thing to be crusading for right now. It felt like a sort of misguided or misplaced machismo almost," Ma said. "Maybe the better thing to do would be to ask for some subsidies to get all these artistic institutions through this time of hardship instead of asking for the normalcy that we were used to, when that's just going to endanger our lives."

There are ways that a theater can serve its community without showing movies, and Metrograph has explored some of those options. Ma said that during the Black Lives Matter protests, Metrograph was able to open as a space for protesters to get water, charge their phones, and rest.

"When the protests were breaking out, we were in between having closed and trying to launch a new website," Ma said. She said that it felt wrong not to say anything about the mounting unrest in New York; protests against police brutality would march through Lower Manhattan, where Metrograph is located. Ma and the rest of the staff at Metrograph also wanted to take physical action.

"So we got together on a meeting and we said, 'We know so many people who are organizing in that neighborhood or who could be in that neighborhood, and you know, all we would need to do is get power strips for people to be able to charge their phones. We could get water bottles for people. We can just open up the bathrooms for people,'" she said.

Ma said that the approach that other theaters have taken, where they have tried to crunch the numbers on how many staff they can have on site and how little money they can charge for a ticket in order to break even, was not what Metrograph wanted to do.

"It's really sad. I mean, it's not really gonna make much of a difference at the end of the day. There's no thinking outside the box here. Movie theaters are an important social institution that could be reappropriated at this time…. I was really glad that, you know, when the protest started in April, that we were able to open our lobby to protestors. Just because we couldn't show movies doesn't mean we couldn't be another sort of support pillar for that neighborhood."

Pivoting to Twitch was an easy move for Spectacle not just because members of the organization already knew how to use it. The moviegoing experience isn't just about sitting in the dark in front of a huge screen—it's also about being with other people who love movies, and Twitch's chat function is an easy way to replicate that part of the experience. While geared towards games, at the end of the day, Twitch is a service where anyone can broadcast whatever they'd like; Spectacle is simply using the service in the same way one would use public access television.

Metrograph, for its part, built their own proprietary streaming service in order to make this work. Though there are video hosting services that they could have used, Ma said that they don't have all the features necessary to replicate the essential aspects of seeing a movie in a theater. Metrograph recently launched a new website, along with its own proprietary streaming service which functions very differently from buying a movie on demand, or watching one through a streaming service like Netflix.

Metrograph's online screenings have a pre-show that begins ten minutes before show time, as well as introductions, question and answer sessions, and sometimes a panel discussion. The actual movie starts later, and the archive of the entire screening remains as a VOD for 72 hours.

“Why are we relying on these corporate-backed streaming platforms when we are very vehemently opposed to corporate media?"

"A nice thing that I miss about showing up early to a film and is then being able to sit in the theater and just kind of watch upcoming trailers or whatever other ephemera ends up being shown in the pre-show," Ma said.

"Even though you're not in the same building, there's a collective sense that everyone's tuning in at the same time to watch something which is kind of comforting right now," she added.

Exploring these new avenues has also led to some dead ends. When I spoke with Spectacle Theater, it had just been served its first strike on its Twitch channel for nudity for showing the 1973 satirical French film Themroc. To get around this, Spectacle is now building its own streaming platform, similar to Metrograph, but with a couple of differences that would better suit its audience. For example, Spectacle's experiences with Twitch have led it to include a chat feature in its streaming platform, because it found that people watching its programming enjoyed being able to talk about the films without disturbing other people.

"I think we had a lot of reservations about the chat function because you rightly hear so many horror stories about the nature of these chats on gaming platforms. You know, obviously hashtag not all gamers, but it can be a bit of a cesspool," Golum told Motherboard. "At the end of the day, we don't really have to do much moderation because our audience is predominantly pretty chill. It's just people who like weird movies and want to hang out, it's a really good vibe in there. It's also really interesting to see how people engage with the chat when the filmmakers are in there too."

Golum also said that they would make their code open source, allowing other theaters to develop their own streaming video services with the backbone they developed.

Movie theaters are the site of a community, a place for people to not just see a movie, but engross yourself in the culture of cinema with your friends and family.

"The impulse behind that was: why are we relying on these corporate-backed streaming platforms when we are very vehemently opposed to corporate media and our whole programming ecosystem is designed to go against the grain of what you're seeing in movie theaters and festivals?" Golum said. "That was kind of the impetus was to build something that's, if you'll pardon the expression, for us by us, that will allow us to kind of control the narrative around what we stream and not have to worry about takedowns."

Across the country, some independent theaters are making some of the same pivots to online screenings as Metrograph and Spectacle.

The Roxie Theater in San Francisco is now offering an online membership similar to Metrograph, for example. Chicago's Music Box Theater started an online movie rental service called The Music Box At Home, where proceeds from the rentals go towards keeping the theater in business. Some cinemas, like Seattle's Northwest Film Forum, are screening ticketed movies through sites like Eventive, taking advantage of video hosting sites like Vimeo to give the viewer access to the film in question for a limited time. All of these are attempts to do more than just get people to watch movies, but to recreate what we like about going to the movies when we're all stuck at home.

While Twitch and bespoke streaming services are decent stopgaps, it's clear that the technology necessary to create an industry where more kinds of movies are accessible outside of major cities has just not been invented.

Hollywood has existed in a system where a major blockbuster could buffer the loss from an arthouse indie movie that plays on only a few screens in Los Angeles and New York. It's a system that is controlled and defined by film distributors like Universal or A24, which set release dates and make the films available to theaters. As that system collapses, it's easy to see not just how it's done a disservice to those films, but also to people who would have loved them.

Brett Kashmere, executive director at Canyon Cinema, a distributor of 16mm films and experimental and avant garde cinema said that on their end, demand for work from their collection is still huge, especially from libraries, which is their primary audience. They just don't have the technology to deliver it.

"We're in the process of reviewing all of our artists contracts and figuring out if we need to put any language for licensing of work to a library for like three years," Kashmere said. "That's what libraries are increasingly interested in, is not actually purchasing a physical media copy of something, but they're also not really capable of actually dealing with digital files. So they don't want to buy a digital file and they don't want to buy a physical copy, but they want us to be able to stream."

Canyon Cinema's small size compared to much larger, more corporate distributors, is an advantage. It might not have the same capital backing, but it's able to make these pivots very quickly, allowing Canyon to catch up with the changing market during the pandemic much faster than Disney or Universal can. Similarly, both Ma and Golum said that their small sizes as organizations have allowed them to make decisions on the fly during a time when the future of the industry is uncertain.

"I think we were in a really privileged position being a small team that we could all just executively decide [open our doors to protesters], being on, you know, a similar political wavelength and having this camaraderie between coworkers," Ma said regarding Metrograph's choice to support the Black Lives Matter protesters. "I don't think this would have been possible with a bigger nonprofit institution, even if the personal political desire was there."

A scene from Made In Hong Kong, currently screening at Metrograph's wesbite | Image Source: Made In Hong Kong

In comparison, the solutions being rolled out by large movie chains like AMC and Regal seem untenably slow and ill-suited to the task. While Regal has permanently closed all its locations, AMC is now allowing potential movie goers the opportunity to rent out an entire theater to see a movie. Though new movies are coming out in a slow trickle, it's been clear that audiences do not want to go to movie theaters as the pandemic still rages, making this venture a questionable idea at best.

But going to the movies is about a lot more than just putting your butt in a seat. They are the site of a community, a place for people to not just see a movie, but engross yourself in the culture of cinema with your friends and family. As Spectacle and Metrograph demonstrate, there's still a need for that kind of community space among movie lovers.

These theaters are not just attempting to solve the problem of showing movies in a pandemic. They're trying to find a new space for the lobby where you talk about the movie with your friends, the exclusive showings with director Q&As, and the smart screening series put together by film scholars as well. Their success is an indication that the heart of cinema lies with these endeavors, and not necessarily the relatively new phenomenon of the blockbuster.

Before there's a widespread vaccine for Covid-19, movie theaters are either going to have to find ways to pivot to digital, or close their doors. Nolan tried his absolute hardest, but Tenet was not able to bring moviegoers back to theaters in a way that could stave off that reality. Nolan has said that people are "drawing the wrong conclusions" from Tenet's performance at the box office, saying that the movie has grossed a lot more money than most people thought possible during the pandemic. He went so far as to say that the decision to stream new releases on HBO Max on the same day they premiere in theatres "makes no economic sense."

Nolan isn't exactly wrong about this, but he's also not quite right. His own adventure in premiering Tenet in theaters despite the pandemic appears to prove him wrong. That big-budget studio blockbuster did not save movie theaters. If movie theaters are going to survive, they need to save themselves.

The Movie Theater as We Know It Is Dying. We Can Make Something Better syndicated from https://triviaqaweb.wordpress.com/feed/

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