#bro I didn't know when to stop
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˚🎧⋆｡˚ ⋆ youtubers zia (aka me) thinks you should watch!!
we all watch a lot of youtube. or a little. depends on how much screentime you got on your devices. anyways, since I watch a lot of YouTubers and I like talking about the things I like, here are some youtubers I would recommend if your looking for any new ones (also, I won't provide reasons for all of these. it would become repetitive dude 😭🙏)
WURLD
jase I think
TomaNeko
BreDraws
Film Cooper
ItzKeisha
Louis Mclung
Ariyan Rosé
Shanspeare
StaticTokyo
CoCoCrazy
Kubz Scouts
MadMorph
Jaicemations
Eillot Sang
Cupopps
Love, Amara
Charo Lyn
mila tequila
ofelia
motley angel
Jennypark
TheAsherShow
Shady Doorags
iNabber
ana neu
Mohammed Agbadi
anyways !!! there are more (ofc,) but my fingers are very tired LOL. I hope that if you do check out these YouTubers, you like them, and if not? that's okay too <3 — zia
#*ੈ📻‧₊˚ the yapping session podcast!#☕ your host ✧˖°#bro I didn't know when to stop#like i was like “oh it's too short”#and I could pick when it was good enough???#but I finally did LOL
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You ever just see a Mouthwashing take that makes you want to bang your head into a wall? I literally just saw someone claim Curly couldn't have been emotionally abused by Jimmy before the crash because he was in a higher position of power than Jimmy.
-Shrimp Anon
The mouthwashing fandom has shown me that people genuinely do believe that certain types of abuse are not as detrimental as other types especially when they deem those immune/resistant, ergo, believing one is objectively worse no matter how it affects the person nor the intersections of power, history and dynamics at play.
Get ready cause this is a yap session:
Cause like it's heavily implied that Curly and Jimmy's friendship was toxic and abusive, pointedly in the direction of how Jimmy uses Curly's belief/comfort in him. Curly wasn't forced to enable Jimmy but he was emotional and mentally on edge around him in almost every scene in some way. Mental and emotional abuse are not contingent on what positions you have at work. Yeah, he's Jimmy's boss but he was Jimmy's friend first and it's like getting into Psych discussion to talk about how social power tends to overshadow any perceived organizational power in the human mind. People are concerned about their jobs ofc but they tend to hang onto and put more value/investment into their personal relationships, hence why there tends to be laws and restrictions around mixing the two.
I always see the sentiments that "Curly is a grown ass man", "Curly is bigger than Jimmy", "Curly is Jimmy's boss", "He just needed a backbone" as criticisms of Curly and while I do agree that on the surface level all of these to be true and viable ways Curly could've taken more control of the situation, I often look at the parallels of Anya and Curly as victims of Jimmy pre/post crash.
The way Jimmy talks to Anya post crash is how he talked to Curly in the pre-crash segments. It's hard to pin-point mainly because we know he hates and wants nothing to do with Anya compared to his contrary but similarly handled obsessions with Curly. It's a weird sort of "honey-moon" effect of abuse Jimmy does in terms of emotional and mental victimization. He is always horrid to Anya, always talking down or questioning her abilities and thoughts in a situation, this of course includes the harassment and assault. However, he has a moment of attempted gentleness/conditioning when he question her about the mouthwash when she's contemplating drinking it at the table. The key difference is he has no personal investment in Jimmy outside wanting nothing to do with him, meaning there is no sort of romanticized version of him that he can condition her off of. He knows this, hence, why he always reverts to trying to make her to scared to oppose him.
This sort of give and take of "kindness" doesn't work on her because she knows he is just doing it to take more from her than whatever he could possibly give but it reflects even the "softer" scenes between him and Curly where he always rewords or rephrases Curly's sentiments and concerns to sound more shallow. He is feigning a deeper understanding by reworking Curly's emotions into something bad and needing to be hidden. Everything is laced with envy and resentment, an outburst just around the corner, I mean he even slams the table in the birthday party scene, a tactic in emotional manipulation to set the victim on edge and cloud their ability to respond. Even if Curly knows Jimmy won't get physical in that moment, the physical actions is intended to make him back down in the confrontation in case it does. This is something that is just not person specific. It ingrains itself into how you interact with the world and life and it shows in major and minor ways with Curly.
Post-crash, the abusive nature is more in tandem to the physical victimization Anya went through and the stripping of voice and autonomy we see take place. Like the parasite in HFIM, Jimmy speaks for Curly most of the time and puts words in his mouth, similarly to how he takes Anya's plans as his own. He very commonly, with the both of them mind you, supplements the worst aspects of himself into them; pettiness, selfishness, lack of understanding... And tries to cover himself with their best qualities; kindness, planning, initiative, etc...
These parallel are just to say that positional power has little to do with if a person can be abused and how it can even be flipped to further the abuse. There is no doubt that Curly could've picked up on Jimmy's envy of his position hence another reason he never confronted him as a Captain but as a friend as doing so would immediately put Jimmy in a space to be confrontational/combative.
I think the disdain some people have when they talk about the heavily implied if not implicitly stated emotional/mental abuse Curly experienced being Jimmy's friend is when treating it as an excuse to why he didn't do more. I can understand that completely because it is not an excuse to why he didn't do more but is a very real reason people in his position in these scenarios can experience whether in the context of a work or social environment. However, I also think the way people talk about it really does demonstrate a bigger problem when talking about abuse when somehow who is/was abused is either part of the issue or enabled it.
Harkening back to the sentiments about Curly's inaction regarding Jimmy, I think the exact phrases I used/have seen show how there is an inherent belief that it is easier to overpower the effects of emotional/mental abuse that go in tandem with the perception of Curly as someone who should be able to. There is not an age you suddenly stop being susceptible to abuse nor a set point or low where you realize how it has affected you. You don't suddenly know to stand up or put a face on to face your abuser nor admit that you inadvertently enabled them to subjugate someone else to the same treatment. Maybe it's my psych brain but their is this growing belief that direct action is somehow easy or always the best method with the game shows you instances where it is not always the case. In real life that rings true too. He should have done more, but it's not impossible to see why he struggled to find a way or didn't even if it makes us mad.
It's not easy to suddenly gain a "back-bone". You don't immediately want to resort to aggression, especially if it mirrors the type you were a victim to. You don't want to believe you allowed yourself to be treated this bad, let it get that bad or allowed something bad to happen to someone else. It is easy to be in denial, to retreat to your thoughts or make excuses to avoid the painful truth. It's frustrating but in a way we know is relatable. It why we both hate and love Curly for it. We know we'd be better, we think we'd be better, we like to think we wouldn't falter in the same ways but it's always easier to say that from the outside looking in. It's easy to see what he was doing wrong because we are seeing it, not him, but the game really does make you picture what you would do if this was your raw reality and it's why this debate about Curly seems so never ending/contradictory. We can all say what we'd do but bottom line is that's much different when you're in the moment with all the emotions and human feelings attached.
I personally think Mouthwashing tackles the themes of rape culture, enabling, toxic masculinity, types of abuse and patriarchy in ways that are meant to deconstruct the typical straightforward views we mostly have of these concepts and how little subtilities of them are just as, if not more, detrimental than the overt/obvious parts. The game deals with the idea of little details and bigger picture in a way to show that sometimes the bigger picture is not the issue but the little details that make it up. It's why I have a personal dislike of depictions of Jimmy as the typical horrible person who would of course do something like this because the game is about noticing the little warning signs, the foreshadowing and foresight.
It's why I dislike the typical discussion of "bro code" and "boys will be boys" for the game because the game makes a point to avoid the standard depictions of such. It is about the type of men who still enable despite not condoning, agreeing or even perpetuating harmful beliefs because they can't see the little details or the ways it seeps into their everyday. The severity is not obvious to them as it was not obvious to Curly, Swansea or even Daisuke the way it was to a woman like Anya. There are little details about Jimmy that should ring alarms but if you are too naive like Daisuke, too distant like Swansea or too conditioned like Curly, they are just off markers.
There is 100% more constructive/concise ways to say "Curly was a victim of Jimmy's abuse on an emotional and mental aspect that clouded his judgements and perceptions in the scenario" while also critiquing on the side of "Curly still had a responsibility to protect Anya as a crew mate and Captain that he failed to do due to biases and stigma's he failed to surpass" without the weird condemnation people give him about should've knowing better than to let himself be manipulated by a person he considered a close, if not family/best-friend and had his own reasons to trust initially. Also stop being weird about victims of abuse in general with this fandom, like sorry not everyone has a like social epiphany the moment someone's nasty to them. People are treating it like you immediately know when you are in a toxic relationship immediately or comprehend when a person is actively dangerous and either it's your fault for not knowing how to leave/cut them off or you deserve it. Like the hypocrisy of people believing how certain fans treat the story reflect their irl views but not their own is crazy.
End statement is: I honestly don't even know man, I've been writing this too long and just like no man on that ship was perfect or really helped Anya when it mattered and I feel like pitting them against each other in discussion on who did the least or most or how it was justified sucks cause in the end Anya always did the most and best thing for herself.
#i also think it is because mouthwashing is first and foremost a game about rape culture and the patriarchy especially in work spaces#regarding women and centering conversation around Curly a man rubs people wrong because it does overshadow that commentary#but it still mixes other topics into its initial theming and message on how abuse conditions you to accept certain things that are harmful#and how getting used to a culture/enviornment does not mean you are happy healthy or most importantly safe in it. I personally like to#explore those aspects where it mixes all the themes so we can discuss the ways you have to watch out for things because there is a differen#in the idea Curly enabled Jimmy just because they were bros and because he was an example of another man afraid to step out from what#is a still oppressive system that does try to punish those who act against it even if they fall in the category of those who would benefit#from it as Jimmy and PE 100% represent that sort of misogynistic system where men that would be “good” are altered until they follow line#in a way both on the personal and professional level as PE is the corporate lock out and Jimmy represents the social and its just the issue#that the discussion of it sounds like “in defense of men” when I am more so trying to discuss how it is much deeper than men being scared t#upset other men but complacency is rewarded by not becoming another person subjugated hence as all the moments Curly does try to do#something we can tie it back to how Jimmy reacts and a possible penality from PE where we now need to address the ways to combat those#two concepts so we dont get cases like Curly or Daisuke or Swansea where male avoidance of the issue is considered neutral or even good.#i think most of this boils down the perfect victim mentality to where if someone who underwent or is being abused is not a perfect example#or accpetible type than their abuse can not be considered a valid or substantial reason for effects on their behavior compounded with the#fact that Anya's abuse at the hands of Jimmy is a systematic issue that Curly is a part of even if unwillingly and was more physically#violating and topical cause sometimes i have to remind myself that all media is still critiqued through the lens of the culture it came out#in cause i do think about what if this game came out inlike 2014 like the conversations would be sooooooo different could you imagine it?#but back the before statement Curly isn't perfect but I feel like boiling it down if hes a good person or man is not the point of the game#but more so good people can still be part of the problem and the idea of condemning a person for one act creates a false sense of#rightouesness and justice that does not aid the victim and in fact aids the abusers in escaping blame for their mulitple behaviors as we se#how the men on the ship tend to blame Jimmy for just one act against them including himself while there is a plethora of things Anya is#concerned about with Jimmy#and its not that Curly just made one mistake with Jimmy but more so we consider his actions more damning because he didn't stop Jimmy#instead of focusing on the fact Jimmy did what he did regardless of Curly and the consequence because we already know he's bad n maladjuste#which is problem in the conversation where the individuals are blamed but the system and perputrator are overlooked in a sense of acceptiab#complacency as we know how they are and the lack of tangibility to personally affect them on a larger scale like I should just make a post#on like cutting out the face when it comes it confronting systems of oppression rather than tag talking but just ask me to clarify if#you want that like im jus trying to say we avoid talking about Jimmy and PE so much cause it is obvious what they do wrong that we make#the initial and inherent problem out to be one aspect someone in this case Curly does and the the constraints they use to force actions
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every time i see a post that is like "ughh why cant we have aspec characters who aren't aroace for once" I have to do a double take like "is the aroace rep in the room with us right now?" because genuinely....where is all this aroace rep y'all are complaining about? Why cant i find it yet it's apparently the only aspec rep we get?? You admit that TV never says the word aromantic so where is the aroace rep. So far I've pretty much only seen canonically asexual characters and not much else buddy.
#text#half the time i think these ppl see other aspec ppl saying that x character feels aroace and then they take it as canon rep#instead of an interpretation of the character which likely was never meant to be written as aspec at all#because majority of people don't even know what that is#this isn't me saying that we shouldn't have aroallo or alloace rep btw#this is me complaining about people throwing aroace ppl under the bus because apparently we are 'hogging' all the representation in media#and it just reads as people being aphobic towards aroace people specifically and it drives me insane#you can ask for more aroallo and alloace characters without complaining and shitting on aroace characters????#like bro we are all on the same fucking team. we are all trying to get seen and understood. we all want to see ourselves in media#stop fighting like one of us is somehow way more privileged than the other because 'you have x rep'#we all have crumbs my guy. just because someone else is getting crumbs doesn't mean that its your crumbs being taken.#idk i see so many posts like this and it makes me feel so unwelcome in the aro and ace communities#im tired of aroace people being used as a scapegoat that you can target to pretend like you're punching up#when in reality you're just committing friendly fire against people who are on your team#i miss when the aro and ace communities used to like... work together as a big aspec community#now ppl r way too focused on separating them and acting like they have nothing in common and don't have the same goals#and both communities now tend to put a lot of blame onto aroace people because of stereotypes we never had control over in the first place#it's exhausting#like the aphobia is coming from inside the house#i didn't go through the ace discourse on tumblr to deal with this shit.
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alright!!!! kitchen CLEANED ‼️ carry on PACKED ‼️ now i just need to do my homework and then maybe take a really really really quick (4 hour long) nap before dinner/online class. then i will grind on the silly silly why did i decide to do this animation meme/animatic until 3 am hits and i've gotta hit the port. the AIRport :3
in exchange for my incredible unprecedented productiveness i made this little doodle just now. i'm actually a liar i did this in school but still
#honestly killer could be doing fuck knows and i wouldn't even know. still love him though#at this point???? at this point i dont even keep up with his characterization i will not lie#horror and dust are my favorite children im sorry killer. you'll get your time to shine when the seasons change#which is probably soon idk man whatever i love them all ewually :333#anyways killer's just not sleeping in that one. bro's had the longest streak of no sleep he aint breaking it now#erm ACTUALLY he's looking at the viewer and therefore breaking the fourth wall and thats soooooo cool#triglycercule what are you on#why are they all sleeping in the same bed#well obviously because they didn't wanna deal with multiple#but also they cannot be bothered to cuddle close together#dust kicks too much. horror steals too much space. killer sometimes just sits up for several periods of time#worlds craziest sleep#killer actually could be sleeping in that one but i just dont know#but triglycercule didnt you draw this and therefore should know what he's doing?????#idk man killer's an enigma i cant control him 💀💀💀 he does his own shit whatever#i lov making killer so crazily abnormal its so silly#who cares about canon (i do) ok well still im having FUN doodling#shut up and get back to rereading askdusttale and horrortale and something new#alright........ (pitifully limps away)#i tag some things rants when its actually art but i just dont want my art tsg 2 be littered with doodles#maybe thats bad. maybe i should start tagging properly#ok rant tag removed........ iGUESS this is art#euaghhhhhh but its just a DOODLS!!!! IT DOESNT DESERVE TO BE CONSIDERED GOOD ART WORTHY OF THE TAG#but triglycercule art is art no matter if doodle or not. stop belittling yourself for naught!#i hate when i get inspirational and supportive on myself man can i just suffer without some knowitall up my ass#i sound insane rn what am i doing. the bit is not funny#and i changed my mind this is a rant again not art#tricule rant#see it WOULD be both if i wanted to do dual tags. but i dont
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I went to a birthday party yesterday partly to "change environment" and spend time with people, but I came home antsier than ever and with even less desire to socialize
I guess part of therapy is learning how to see the line between "stepping outside of the comfort zone to improve" and "harming yourself"
#vent#some parts were my fault and some were theirs#i knew only a few people and others were strangers who wanted to know me#when they asked about my life i managed to impress them with my weightlifting competitions and i was happy#but then that one asshole was like 'oh i left you that you were studying did you finish?'#and there i am lying again#no i didn't look for jobs in my area. i'm lying leave me alone :^)#also i don't know what the fuck is wrong with some guys there#there's one who a few weeks ago insisted on playing matchmaker with me and another guy (who wasn't there yesterday)#dude didn't even know if i had a bf#and yesterday not only he was there keeping the game but another guy started to jokingly flirt with me????#touching my shoulder because 'you're cool' (as in not hot)#and at one point hugging and giving me a peck on the cheek?#no one said anything but bro whomst the fuck are you i met you today???#stop putting me under the spotlight please#no no no no i need to recover it was a mistake#i feel guilty because i can tell they wanted to include me and i appreciate it#i live my life with the assumption that no one cares about me especially irl#but this is too much i can't do it
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Kaeya: Diluc gets rid of things he doesn’t need anymore…with how much he resents me, I must be no different-
Diluc:
Never banned Kaeya from the tavern, even with their History and how much Kaeya pesters him there nor makes any moves to
Kept every single letter Kaeya wrote to him while in Snezhnaya, which was also the vast majority correspondence penned by one person he kept in the Winery's stash (every Letter in Beautiful Handwriting/Hidden Strife Event)
Kept the fucken vase Kaeya used on a whim to give his Vision back in, even if it did NOT match the decor of the Winery (Genshin Manga/Venti SQ/Kaeya Hangout)
Was extremely patient with Kaeya accusing him of casting aside Crepus' legacy in response to him telling Kaeya to drink responsibly (Venti SQ)
In that same dialogue, was more in disbelief/offended that Kaeya seemed to believe he would ever think of callously throwing him out than by Kae's comment abt Crepus of all things (Venti SQ)
Stayed with Kaeya on the island the entire time, no matter how much they bickered, even though he could have gone after one of the others or even taken off on his own like they did instead (Midsummer Island Adventure)
Was genuinely surprised/touched when Kae revealed he thought fondly of their childhood days gathering seashells (Echoing Tales)
Let himself get arrested for Kaeya’s harebrained scheme to save a little girl Luc didn't even know about previously, and RIGHT after Kaeya outright accused HIM of being the murderer too (Genshin Manga)
Gave Kaeya a free drink without being asked when he came to visit him to deliver the aforementioned vase after the scheme was complete (Genshin Manga)
Never refuted Kaeya's claim that Dawn Winery was his home too, nor Kae's claims that people had every right to visit 'home' during festival seasons (Weinlesefest)
Let Kaeya score free booze for the Knights to distribute for the Weinlesefest to help better their image, that Lisa specifically sent Kaeya to ask of Diluc bc she KNEW Diluc wouldn’t say no to him (Weinlesefest)
Expressed he would have Elzer speak with Hertha bc Kaeya mentioned the Knights' financial situation as an afterthought, despite how much Diluc dislikes the Knights (Weinlesefest)
Got moody bc Kaeya didn’t want to stay for dinner and IMMEDIATELY jumped at the chance to make Kaeya stay when Addie intervened to insist (Weinlesefest)
Lets and NEVER stops the servants from referring to Kaeya as ‘master’ too (They do so freely in front of him in Weinlesefest & Kaeya Hangout in particular)
Was perfectly okay with Kaeya staying at the Winery when he left, even after their dispute (Letter with Clear Handwriting/Hidden Strife)
Always remembers every single one of Kaeya’s silly excuses to try and get free wine out of him, and teases him for forgetting which he’s already used & precisely how long ago he did (Kaeya Hangout)
Is said, by Elzer, to in fact be completely fine with Kaeya stealing drinks from the Winery, even if he outwardly complains abt it (Kaeya Hangout)
Solemnly asks about Kaeya when he thinks Kaeya already left, and unpromptedly talks him up to Traveler in regards to Kae's own ability to the Winery (Kaeya Hangout)
#//The fact that this list is so LONG speaks for itself jdngft#//Fruits of my research for a Thing I'm writing and I just#//cjkbrdg#☆ ┆ ( .ooc. );#//I think my favorite detail is Luc getting pissy Kae didn’t want to stay and dine during Weinlesefest; like bro#//What did you THINK he was gonna do when you greeted him so coldly compared to Traveler djfbfb#//Luc is SO doting and Kae’s just#//‘Hm he’s changed too much since we were kids…he’s gonna throw me out of his life as easy as he sold our childhood home-‘#//I still find it so funny that THAT was Kae’s tirade of a response to Luc telling him to drink responsibly#//Like#//mans fucken ESCALATED that so gottdam fast#//Kae feels uncertain in his own hangout abt going to the Winery when Luc is there; when the man was prolly happy to see him stop by#//Moody yes; but then you talk to Luc AFTERwards; and he’s asking if Kae left yet like he didn’t actually WANT him to#//The mixed fucken messages; I swear to fucken god#//My goddamn clowns#//Their fight made difficult for them both to communicate things at times; but it's ironically KAEYA who finds it the hardest#//KAEYA who can smoothtalk his way through practically anything and can seemingly handle people & tough situations with such ease#//Meanwhile Diluc is continuously showing his care the best way he knows how via these indirect/wordless gestures#//Also can we give props to how Luc didn't even WANT to admit he kept the vase in Venti SQ but outright TELLS Kae he kept it in his Hangout#//The GROWTH. That or Luc's getting real tired of Kae acting like he doesn't care/want him around mdfbfkgf#//He's so fucken doting; I C R Y#//Such good big bro#//Weinlesefest's things will forever my faves tho kjgf#//'Surely you wouldn't DREAM of DISAPPOINTING ADELINDE?' Oh I bet Addie wouldn't be the ONLY one so disappointed by Kae not staying ngvsfdg
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Controversial take but i watched all of jjk, in subbed, so it had my full attention 100% of the time, and i am of the opinion that it just fucking sucks.
So me and my wife were talking about it, and we were trying to figure out why people like it and we've come up short. I do not understand what's so appealing about this show for so many people. Can someone PLEASE tell me.
#yes the animation is phenominal and honestly i would have stopped watching after the first episode without it#MAPPA creates some beautiful art like just gorgeous#but the constant force-feeding of every minor character's backstory was hellish for me#had me rolling my eyes every time they did it (every three seconds)#the vast majority of characters are unlikable or bland or dead#often all of the above#choso is the only character i actively liked?? like i understand him i reallu do#i liked mahito? he's a freak so that's a given#i liked that one old guy with the weird still frames power#uhhh i like sukuna's weird obsession with ripoff sasuke#edit i member: i liked megumi he deserved better#oh i also REALLY liked nanamin or whatever his name was (it's been a while)#i think yuuji's suicide mission that he didn't think through is super interesting#alright heres my most controversial take of all#i don't care at ALL abt gojo. he's so mid there's like a million characters exactly like him#and he's UGLY why do people say he's attractive bro is UGLY A HELL#the intros are baller tho i sat through them every episode no skipping that shit#gorgeous animation as i'd expect from this studio#like! there's so many little drops of things that i liked about this show! which is why it pissed me off so much every time they did boring#ass exposition dumps on characters that are gonna die in five seconds. or worse-they are gonna live and continue to bore me to tears#and when i tell you i physically couldn't read the manga because of how fucking BORING it is#i got caught up and was like 'okay ill read the manga i kinda like what's currently happening n ive made it this far might as well keep goi#g' nah man i couldn't even read a whole chapter. jjk is king of exposition dumps#i do think the powers and how if you tell your opponent what it is it gets stronger is rad#and it drives me insane because i know they know how to drip-feed information about a character! and when they do that they do it SO WELL!!#but they just force feed you all this information the rest of the time like BRO ITS TOO MUCH SLOW DOWN AND JUST LET THE CHARACTERS DO THEIR#THING AND IT WILL BE MORE SATISFYING#anyways not tagging this because i don't wanna put hate in the main tags#just like. if you see this please explain to me what im missing PLEASE i want to like this show SO bad
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managing your parents emotions is so exhausting
#eldest daughter#lol#my stepdad made me yell and cry and now i'm 16 years old again and scared and confused#he insulted me unprovoked publicly/on my front lawn and in onslaught and my mother did nothing to defend me#probably been happening my whole life and I haven't been able to figure it out until it was on my turf#yelled at me that i had no common sense and was stupid because i didn't put down grass seed#i have a degree in soil science and a fucking plan but he didn't want to hear any of that#just wanted to insult me loudly on my front lawn unprovoked after raking up all my leaves without being asked to#(i intended to mulch and leave them as ground cover... to protect the soil.........which he was yelling at me because the soil is uncovered#then he mowed the weeds down to the soil#and yelled at me that my bare soil was all going to blow away#BRO YOU MADE IT BARE#yelled 'it screams lack of common sense'#becuase I didn't plant grass FIRST THING when we moved in#our house wasn't livable INSIDE when we bought it and now it's great and we worked hard so we had other fucking priorities#also I seeded cover crop and it didn't germinate bc it needed more water than I could give it in CO#like grass lawn is the past and unsustainable and I'm not interested and I'm planning on seeding clover but not 2 days before the frost????#so annoying#and like he's still a parental figure right so that's like just an awful layer to have in this bc he's such an immature bully#and I forgot to have my trauma senses turned on to know his emotions before he does in my own home so he got me#didn't even get into the whole my moms lack of defense of me part#fuck this shit#t#at least ranting in my tags usually helps me stop crying
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hate my sister's shitty good for nothing boyfriend. can you imagine being a 30yo man with two kids who won't even scramble an egg. Not for his kids, not for his girlfriend, not for himself. literally if my sister doesn't leave out pre-made meals when he's watching the kids he will rip up bread or pour them dry cereal or open a granola bar and make himself microwave dinners. like, lowest effort possible. but if i mention this to my sis, she'll be like "no he's definitely cooked for the kids! he scrambled an egg for them once! i watched him do it!" but it's like...so he scrambled one egg in the last five years. just to like, prove he can? at your direct insistence? should we all clap? like seriously. hate this guy. had to really hold back recently because he had someone over and he was interacting with the kids more than usual for appearances, and he had to keep asking me and my sis what the 5yo was signing because he barely bothered to learn his own son's primary form of communication. i was so tempted to say "that one means 'go home' but you wouldn't know that because you don't take them anywhere." so hard to hold that in. If I had to describe this man in two words they would be these: Low Effort. Not quite bare minimum, but JUST enough to convince my sister that it would be too much hassle to get rid of him. he's stupid as fuck, but just smart enough to quickly stop shit like screaming obscenities at the kids for doing normal kid things. and he once stomped on my headphones and broke them in a fit of rage, but gave my sister money to replace them so it was "fine." Like, my sister thinks that he's just struggling with his anger issues, because he had a bad childhood, blah, blah, and oh he would never actually hurt her or the kids. and like, good for you, but i don't trust like that. genuinely hoping he gets struck by lightning and dies instantly.
#my sister and i do all the hard stuff and most of the easy stuff too tbh#cooking and cleaning and sorting out benefits and insurances and getting the kids to school and events#doctor's appointments and medications and dentist appointments and taxes#we get the groceries and care for all the pets and kids and household things#we both have jobs#i actually have 3 jobs#good for nothing boyfriend makes $12 a year plus some under the table cash as a “private trainer”#which means between that and selling his plasma and borrowing money from his mom he can...pay his super cheap tiny part of rent#and occasionally hand my sister like $20#he doesn't buy groceries or diapers or household supplies or clothing or toys or literally anything#literally the only household chore he does is fold laundry#that's it. and it's not “DO” laundry. it's just folding the clean and dry stuff#you know. the chore my parents would have us do when we were like 10 so we'd feel helpful#the 5yo is medically complex and we frequently make trips to a slightly distant hospital with him#and they literally asked us to stop bringing my sister's boyfriend along because he was disruptive and confusing#which was a polite way to say 'obnoxious and stupid as shit'#do you know how many times in one visit w/the same doctor he would ask 'so when does he get superpowers?'#he also obviously didn't know how to answer basic questions like 'how many times does he poop a day on average'#and 'how often has he been eating and what has he been eating day to day?'#like bro this man can go days without changing a diaper and will not even heat up a can of spaghettios to feed his own kids#he cannot answer those questions with any kind of accuracy#also i'm saying boyfriend because my sister desperately wanted to at least be engaged so she could say fiance in front of ppl#but just like marriage this was apparently a 'waste of effort'#not even the cheapest ring or the most underwhelming proposal or a courthouse wedding was worth his energy so...#yeah glad she hasn't married this waste of air. and i'll be praying for that lightning strike
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i really do see the value of being a hater and i really do think everything deserves to be criticized, but i also do think it's better mentally and better for art as a whole to spend more energy focusing on propping up stuff you love instead of relentlessly tearing down stuff you hate.
#dichromaticdyke.exe#we get locked into the negativity bias and start assuming everything is bad now because of constant “x sucks and here's why”#there's always bad stuff bro. there's nothing exceptional about the amount of bad art or media these days.#there has always been bad art it just didn't survive because shocker! it was bad.#of course the majority of the classics are considered you know uhhhhh good because you're gonna save good stuff not bad stuff#i'm not gonna stop anyone from being a hater you absolutely can freely hate stuff as much as you want i'm speaking on the broader internet#calling popular book or popular movie garbage can be cathartic for sure but it's not going to have a massive effect on wider perception#popular things are gonna be popular#idk i just find more worth in propping up niche/obscure/underrated art that you do really enjoy#i think it's better and more productive to share the things you love with others especially when they're unlikely to find it themselves#but that's me
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my brain automatically whenever fics/comics have ford call stan "lee"
#i know people dont care for the other teens but that doesn't stop them from existing!!!!#but anyway the layers that comes from stanley being called stan genuinely makes my brain go !!!!#the meta of it making it easy to get used to the name switch!!! it showing that he values that part that ties to him being a twin!!!!#but also stan being what their dad used for both twins (at least when they were kids) and sees him as the extra stan....#but it feels kinda sad to me that some folks thinks that ford needs a special nickname for stan#when he's basically the only one who calls him stanley which is part of his identity that's so incredibly disconnected from himself#a name he only used for like what? a third of his life?#a symbol of a lost childhood and lost bond#that he only really regained (and is known as that by the rest of town) once he finally got his happy ending#(also even tho its such a minor ooc thing it really does crack my immersion like an egg my brain is just fussy!!!!)#but im not your boss im not gonna tell ya to quit using it if you're fond of that hc#.....but yes i admit i feel further vindicated as canon ford continues to just call his bro stan or stanley#stan being the nicknamer which contrasts with bill!!!#.....but also yes the fandom spelling for lee does also bug me for some weird reason lol#my brain auto going 'who this???'#it does also make me think about the comic making a stan lee joke cos of course they had too lol#me <- yapping as if i didn't start a fic with stan complaining about the idea of being called 'ley' lmao
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Man: Ouch, will try to be more cool and less goofy
Me, genuinely confused: What, why? All I said is "being goofy is cool too"
Man: Why are you making fun of me?
Me: Oh so you're sensitive sensitive
My Brain's Inner Narrator: And it was at this moment, she knew, she fucked up
#I saw my mans start typing and when he didn't stop for 8min I just hit that block button#because I already know I'm not reading all that#I needed to set us both free for sure 💀#I forgot you can't just go around calling people sensitive#my genuine bad bro lmao#boop's rambles
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bro wtf is with this guy i swear when will he get the hint that i no longer am and do not want to be friends with his transphobic-in-the-weirdest-way ahh
#he makes me so uncomfortable???#like i ghosted him for 2 months and then when i had my competition he messages me telling me that he went on the site to look at my results?#???? and proceeded to give me unsolicited consolation#um firstly wtf are you even looking at my results for thats weird af and secondly i wasn't even upset + i don't want your pity + wtf???#and i replied really dryly but then he started talking about some project he was working on as if i didn't literally greytick him for 2 mths#and now he just sent me a message again omg stop please. i get the ick thinking about him#okay and there was that time i was in a really depressive episode last year and i wasn't talking to him and on his discord bio it said like#you know ur the worst when a suicidal person wont talk to u or sum shit like that#like what the hell? am i just overreacting or is that the weirdest shit you could say#like are you trying to get me to feel even worse cuz that doesn't exactly make me want to reach out#like omfg how do you even make something like this about you. literally how#also he kept fetishising trans people in his fanart???? like what the hell it was so disturbing#anyway now that I think about it i was friends with him for about 6 months and it's also been 6 months since then and i am completely fine#ugh anyway#we were kinda close so i got him to make a tumblr#to my moot who might follow him his name starts with r lol#and i swear he was vagueposting about me last month#and like. it's kinda creepy.#dude i am literally the plainest person around please why are you so obsessed with me i bet you can't name anything about me you liked that#doesn't include how i gave you the attention you wanted#anyway i don't know how he hasn't gotten the hint when bro he knows i literally avoid all eye contact and pairwork and messages from him#like do you need me to tell it to your face or what#rant#sorry i feel so mean writing this help
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little peek at somethjing i am cooking up ...
#this is rlly rough but rn im just blocking everything out#i have like 6.5 pages sketched so far this is already going faster than last time i think..^_^#im having a blast also#im tryna rewire my brain . every time i think Blehhh i hate drawing i just want to see it done i gotta stop n correct myself#like Hey wait you actually love drawing why are you telling yourself this The process is frustrating sometimes but that comes with art#i had to redraw this one page like 4 separate times and i still didn't feel like giving up#like yeah i was feeling pressed but at the same time i was being patient with myself#like this is part of improving Stop laying on the floor and wondering why you're even doin this you've always loved it#only drawing when u know it's gonna turn out good defeats the whole purpose of learning#also i added cal last minute to this comic and im gladi did he's so creeepy#im very excited to get this done Not impatient like i was before#im impatient for people to see it yeah lol but not w myself#and im not gonna be all like “yeah we'll see how long this lasts lol” bc i think that's already setting myself up for burning out#i have hope that i can keep enjoying art like this I just need to change the way i think#and accept the messy n ugly. the perfect is the enemy of the good#aaron blaise really inspires me. he sincerely loves what he does and i want to be like that#this is also gonna be more comic-like Panelwise i think#scott pilgrim n my bro inspired me#also the way cal's face cuts off on the right makes sense in context he's peekin from behind a chair
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Fuchsia 💀💙
#partner: ahh shit you're sick too?!#me: bro..#me: we live together...#me: and unfortunately we share A LOT between us#me: I'm never hugging you again after this#partner: 😂 right? i mean what use am i to you when you have your blorbo body pillows?#me: exactly! you're learning 😂#partner: wish the cold made your snark calm tf down#me: babe not even covid could kill that#partner: didn't you have a doc appointment today?#me: NOT ANYMORE#me: to the windowwwww to the walllllll#me: to my comfy bed i crawl#me: dont need to hang with y'all#me: Aahhhhh SLEEP SLEEP SLEEP MOTHER FUCKER#partner: i love you 😂#me: love you too 💙 now gtfo the couch its my turn to curl up and be miserable for an album cover#partner: yes dear 💙#me: *grabs arm* no wait come back i take it back#partner: yes hon 💙#me: STOP BEING NICE GDI#partner: its your weakness next to throwing a bucket of water on you#me: oh that was mean 😂#partner: YOU ASKED ME TO BE MEAN 😂#me: I KNOW IT WAS GOOD 😂👏🏼#were fucking dorks#sharing cause i want to keep this safe for a long time and come back to it if i ever want to kill him#fuchsia is my vent word for good things
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"people in this family need to learn to plant their feet in the middle of stairs when going down them."
I mean I would have taken a little more help cleaning coffee off walls but that works too 🫡
#he did help clean some and technically i said stop because i made the mess#and his initial reaction to his fear is... not anger but a little yell-y which we can't help#and MY reaction of guilt to his reaction doesn't combine well but I can work on mine#but when 'are you okay?' comes out with a twinge of anger it feels ingenuine when I know it's nor#anyway my ass hurts real bad but probably good i was holding my dutch Bros so i didn't break my arm#ALSO a tineco is the greatest invention#i have the very cheapest model but it made short work of that coffee on the hardwood
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