#brings me to tears without fail every time i love them sooooo much

[serenadeofsunshine]

listening to His solos current moodboard

[sailors-diary-for-elise]

Reaching Out

SEE! SOMETHING OTHER THAN SMUT. Also this one is old and a bit dusty, sooooo warnings are gonna be to the best of my ability. ALSO. THIS IS ANGST AND HAS TRIGGERING THEMES. PLEASE SCROLL PAST IF THE WARNINGS ARE DISTRESSING TO YOU. I wrote this during a really difficult day and was just word vomiting tbh. I am also gonna state that this is a work of fiction and I am in no way a therapist or anything, so if something here bothers you I’m sorry this is just something I wrote mostly for myself.

Warnings: god this is painful but here we go. Reader is depressed and has anxiety, mentions of self-inflicted injuries (she punches a mirror...repeatedly-), blood, panic attacks, it takes a few of the members to restrain the reader so if you’re uncomfortable with that please don’t read this, this is honestly just a hard read imo so please read with care. Also, the reader hates herself and just doesn’t really think highly of herself at all sooooo yeah-

It was the fourth time this month. The fourth argument that could’ve and should’ve ended differently.

You’d come out of your room to find San off at practice or on some work related schedule, spend the entire day outside trying to break a horrible cycle in your mind, just to disappear again once he returned home. It was frustrating you both and causing a serious strain in your relationship.

On San’s side, he couldn’t understand why it was that you would fight against him trying to get you to come out of your room when you spent the entire day alone. Then there was his frustration when you would complain about never seeing him and yet would disappear and avoid him when he was available. To San, it didn’t make any sense. All he wanted to do was spend time with you and support you, but it seemed as though you were determined to shut him out. He watches you storm off to your bedroom, running a hand through his hair as he tries to recall the last time he’d come back from a schedule and had a nice quiet evening that didn’t end in you both screaming at each other. When he can’t, San grabs his jacket and walks out of the apartment with his phone and keys, planning on spending the night at the dorms so that you can have some space to cool off. Once he gets in his car, he quickly dials Hongjoong’s number, pulling out of the parking garage of your complex and letting out all of his frustrations and concerns. 

As he drove, San had no way of knowing how much you hated yourself for what was happening between you both.

What San didn’t know was that your depression and anxiety had been spiraling lately due to the pressure that had been placed on your shoulders from not only your work but from being the girlfriend of an idol that had become so famous. He didn’t know that every day you were terrified that, now that his future was so bright and secure, he’d no longer want you. That he’d leave you just like so many before had done, and that he’d realize you were no longer something of use to him. And finally, how you criticize every minute of your life, finding ways that you are failing even when you’ve done nothing but your best. It came to the point that waking up from dreams was physically painful, because you could control a dream and guarantee the people you love never turned their backs on you. San didn’t, or rather, couldn’t know this. Because to know this would mean you would have to tell him. And no one should have to bear this burden but you, and there was always that small part of you that was terrified of having your feelings invalidated. 

Your whole life people have toyed with you, accepting your depression only when it was convenient to them and berating you once the curtains fall. Some even went as far as to weaponize your emotions, tearing you down in an argument with something that was the equivalent to the beating heart in your chest. Yes they would apologize and you would eventually forgive them because people make mistakes. But the thing about words is that once they leave someone’s mouth, the damage is already done and there’s no amount of remorse or forgiveness that can repair it. That’s where you are now.

You slam the door shut, leaving all the lights in your room turned off, your head pounding after the screaming match you and San had just finished (rather, you ran out on and barricaded the door so he wouldn’t see you cry) and your face stained with tears. Not a sound left you as you curled up on the bed, biting your fist as a punishment for your body's betrayal of emotions. All it would take was one minute of silence and the entire apartment would be able to hear how you were feeling. In all honesty, you didn’t want San to see you cry. Because in your mind, you didn’t deserve to cry. You were the one who picked a fight. You're the one who made unfair accusations, using his career and passions as weapons against him. You were the one that hurt him in the same ways that had been done to you, falsely claiming that it was to “beat him to it and strike first.” 

The front door slams shut, and you work quickly. You unbarricade the door and peek out, making sure no one is there. Dashing across the living space, you reach the spare bedroom and lock the door, not seeing the need for such extreme measures as earlier. You then sit with your back to the door, listening for the sign of San’s safe return from the store. Your butt has just about gone numb when this occurs, the front door shutting softly alerting you instantly. You rise from your position, albeit a little slowly due to your cramped muscles, and shuffle to the bed. A knock sounds, and a decision has to be made.

“Y/N? I know you’re awake. Can you come to bed? You and I both know that neither of us can sleep alone anymore.” San mumbles through the door. You hear shuffling, and you hold your breath thinking he might unlock the door. You’re not sure though, whether you’re holding your breath in hope or fear. But all you hear is a thud, indicating San sitting down. “Look, we don’t have to talk. You don’t even need to look at me, it just feels better for both of us if I’m holding you through the night, because at the end of the day, we still love each other, right?” 

San’s cheeks are marked with tear streaks, eyes red and puffy as he waits for any sign of confirmation from you. He loves you more than anything else, so much so that he’d give up everything for you, and needed to hear that you still loved him as well. He holds his breath, hands covering his face while he waits for you to show him a sign that you’re even listening. That you’re even there. 

You tip-toe over to the door, gently crouching down in front of it and rest your fingertips lightly on the wood, near where his shoulder is supposed to be. It’s cold and unyielding, but this is the bravest you’ll ever be. You hear a sigh on the other side, almost as if he can sense your presence.

“You know, you don’t have to keep it all in. From the first moment I saw you, I knew that there was so much going on in your life that it’d take time to get you to trust me. And I still want that. I want to know what’s going on in your life again. I want to hold you as you're crying again. And I want to repay you for all the times you’ve helped me.” San whispers, his voice showing how much of a toll this has taken on him. “I know a lot has changed, I travel a lot, and it’s harder for us to go anywhere without me being recognized. But I promise you that my feelings for you, the amount of love I feel for you, it’s all still there. If anything, I love you even more now than before. I don’t want to lose you Y/N. I want to keep fighting for us and I just need you to reach out to me, show me you want this too. Open the door, even if it’s just a crack, and let me help heal those open wounds. Yes there will be scars and yes it will take time, but I’m willing to wait.”

At this point you have tears streaming down your face as you withdraw your hand. You don’t move though, despite your broken mind willing you to do so, you stay rooted in your spot. Sniffles break through the other side, showing how much San is hurting. You feel as though there’s a war going on inside of you, your heart begging you to open the door and stop this madness, but your mind resolute on keeping this wall up. 

“I. Can’t.” you croak out, bringing your trembling hand to your lips and nibbling your thumbnail as you rise slowly. “They were right, I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve you.”

“What? Who told you that?” San questions, confusion swirling in his head as he struggles to better understand where this was coming from. Standing, San presses his hands to the door, trying to open it only to find it locked. “Love, talk to me.”

“All I’ve been doing is hurting you, and I’m sorry. ” You whimper, your mind screaming at you to shut-up and not give away anything while your heart, your very being, is begging to be set free and allow him back in. “I, I love you, San.” And with that you rise, walking towards the bathroom attached to the room. You close the door, locking it and turning to the mirror to see your disheveled state. Tears stain your cheeks, your eyes have bags under them, and your hair is greasy and a mess from the lack of effort on your part to take care of yourself. 

Thoughts swirl and distort your reflection, harsh words clouding your mind. Some of the words surface from your past, some are from deep within you stemming from your lack of forgiveness for yourself. You don’t deserve forgiveness or a second chance. You don’t deserve him caring for you. You’re toxic. You do nothing but hurt him. Toxic. Toxic. 

You start screaming, starting in your gut and ripping out through your mouth, scaring the shit out of San who begins pounding on the door. You hear him calling out to you, but it’s muffled in your head as you continue to sob and scream at your reflection, running your hands through your hair before tugging on it out of frustration. The longer you look at yourself, the worse the feeling in your gut gets as the harsh words continue to tear you apart, worsening with each passing moment. With one last scream you pull your arm back and punch the mirror, desperate to feel something other than the all consuming self-hatred. And it works.

There’s a crack on the mirror with droplets of blood in the center. You bring your trembling hand into view, noticing your knuckles slightly bloodied and cut. The pain replaces all of the noise in your head, if only for a moment, and you become entranced by it. Raising your fist again, you punch the mirror once, twice, three more times before stopping to look at your handy work. The crack has grown and your hand is bleeding steadily, a couple of pieces of glass stuck in your knuckles. You’re ashamed of what and who you’ve become and raise your fist again when the door breaks down.

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!” San shouts, restraining your flailing and screaming form as tears stream down your face. Four pairs of hands are pulling you out of the bathroom, with San’s arms wrapped tightly around your waist as he pulls you on the bed. He immediately starts shushing you, whispering into your hair as he wraps his legs around you as well, restricting you so the others can clean you up and call an ambulance if need be. At this point though, he doesn’t need to as you’ve gone completely limp, sobbing into his neck loudly as the emotions you’ve kept hidden flood out in a wave that swallows you whole. “Shh baby, it’s okay. We’re here now and we’re not leaving you. I’ve got you, we’ve got you. It’s okay, it’s okay.” His voice is trembling, absolutely terrified by what he’s just experienced. It’s lucky that Hongjoong, Yunho, and Seonghwa arrived when they did or he might have been too late, having planned on coming to help San piece back together your relationship. It took Yunho and Seonghwa to break down the doors, and all four of them carried you out of the bathroom so you wouldn’t hurt yourself or them.

Soon, you run out of energy and are left whimpering and quivering in San’s hold, slowly coming to your senses as you hear running water, hushed murmurs, and the cabinet mirror (or what’s left of it) being opened in search of something. When the realization sets in that San, Hongjoong, Seonghwa, and Yunho have seen you at your worst, your chest tightens and your breathing becomes irregular which are the first signs of a panic attack. Something San was familiar with but hadn’t seen happen in some time.

“No no no no.” San repeats, noticing the changes in your behavior and looking towards the bathroom. “Hongjoong! It’s getting worse!”

Immediately, footsteps can be heard heading in your direction, and a gentle face appears in the corner of your eye. Hongjoong slowly reaches forward, grasping the hand that had begun curling in on itself to the point of almost drawing blood and pulling it away from your chest.

“Sweetie, grab my hand and squeeze that instead. You won’t hurt me, I swear.” Hongjoong whispers, slowly working his nimble fingers between your clenched ones. It comes as a surprise to him when, instead of resisting, your hand flies open into a rigid position. “Shh… it’s okay sweet-heart. How about this. Follow this.”

Your hand is placed on a firm and warm chest, a slight bump hitting your palm and drawing your attention to the pattern. It’s his heartbeat. Hongjoong’s pulse creates a rhythm in your head, distracting you from your fears and disdain towards yourself momentarily while Seonghwa and Yunho both return to the room, one holding medical supplies and the other holding a bowl with warm water and a towel. Crouching in front of you, Seonghwa notices the hand on Hongjoong’s chest is the one that’s injured, glancing at San who is fighting back tears as he strokes your hair.

“Y/n-ah. We have to clean your hand. Put your hand on San’s chest, follow his heartbeat.” Seonghwa says in a firm yet kind tone. At this point, you’ve lost almost all self-awareness, too exhausted to fight anyone as you nod partially, removing your hand from Hongjoong’s chest to place on San’s. “No sweetie. The other hand.” Seonghwa instructs, a heartbroken smile crossing his face at the sight of you behaving like a toddler who skipped their nap. You look confused, bringing your hand to your face to inspect it, finding the streaks of blood and bits of glass as a few tears trickle down your face. 

You’re not sure how long it takes for Seonghwa to properly clean your hands, or when you got changed into one of San’s shirts that fits like a dress, but as you’re lied down on the bed with San, who’s watching you intently to make sure any slight changes on your face are caught immediately, you find yourself in an almost numbed mind-frame. Too exhausted and confused to comprehend anything around you. 

Your eyes slowly close, the occasional tear slipping out only to be swiped gently away by San. San, the last thing you see before you fall into a dreamless sleep. And you are blissfully unaware of what’s to come in the morning.

As you snore softly in San’s grasp, your chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm, Yunho leaves the room to clean up the mess that has been left behind with Seonghwa following closely behind, most likely to comfort the younger boy. Hongjoong reaches forward to brush hair out your eyes and slowly strokes your cheek. Who knew such a small body could take this much pain? he wonders to himself, not even beginning to understand what caused you to struggle so much and break down so devastatingly. And that’s the only way to describe your attack. Devastating.

Like a tsunami, you receded from social outings and even your true love San, and once they realized what was happening and why you’d “changed” the wave had already hit. But his main question was voiced by San.

“Hyung.” San rasps out, looking up at Hongjoong with tears streaming down his face. “Why-or how did this happen? What caused this? What are we-what am I supposed to do?” 

San’s breathing becomes labored, almost as if the weight of the situation has sat fully on his chest. He chokes on a sob, looking at you in your angelic state while pressing a gentle and wet kiss to the top of your head while crying. He clutches you to his chest, rocking slightly and burying his face in your head. Hongjoong panics, thinking he’ll wake you but settles once realizing how exhausted you must be. “Why would she keep this from me?”

“San-ah, I honestly don’t have the answer to that.” Hongjoong mumbles, holding his own tears back with a few deep breaths before looking at the pair of you. He honestly considered Ateez his family, and you became his little sister that he felt he needed to protect from the world. If only he’d realized sooner how much damage the world had already done to you. “But I do know one thing. Now more than ever, she needs us.”

San looks at his hyung and leader, absolutely wrecked from the storm of emotions that flowed between you two. “How?” he croaks out.

“I’m not sure. But what I do know is that the storm hasn’t gone and that this is only the beginning of our journey.” Hongjoong places a hand on your cheek and his other on San’s hand, squeezing slightly in hopes of reassuring the younger boy. “I see how much you need her San. And how much she needs you. She’s scared San. More so than any of us right now. Which is why we have to stay with her no matter what. No matter what she might say or do to scare us off, we have to fight through it all and show her we are here for her. Because if we don’t.” Hongjoong’s voice cracks, revealing his true emotions and the toll this whole ordeal has taken on him. “We might lose her forever.”

San sits quietly, shaking slightly from the silent tears that are being shed and pulling you closer to his chest if that was even possible, crying himself into a slumber much like you did moments prior. Hongjoong rises, tucking both of you in like he would an upset child, and walking into the bathroom. The scene that awaits him is what finally breaks his own dam of tears, collapsing next to Seonghwa and Yunho who are both crouched down. They’ve hunched over, scrubbing the white tiles of your blood and throwing glass shards away in a paper bag. Upon noticing Hongjoong, Yunho drops what’s in his hands, embracing his leader and best friend. His tears fall as well, the sight of someone as strong as Hongjoong breaking down terrifying him. 

Seonghwa wipes the few stray tears before rising, quickly finishing the task of cleaning before ushering the two broken boys out of the room. He sits Hongjoon and Yunho down, pulling out a paper and pen and titling it “Y/n’s Healing.”

“We’ll make a plan, and take this journey one step at a time. Until Y/n’s finally healed.” Seonghwa states, immediately writing steps and plans he’s already come up with in his head. And so the journey begins.

[emf005]

Love is real

Draco Malfoy x Hufflepuff! Reader

Warnings: FLUFF!! Draco is a complete softy and it's adorable, talk of suicide, confusion, a bit of angst...

Summery: You are a huffelpuff who doesn't belive in love. Draco is unsatisfied and devises a plan to get you to belive and possibly fall, in love.

You set your chin on Draco’ shoulder and looked at what he was doing. Potions. Groan. You hated potions with a passion.

“Draaaaacooooo!” you sang in his ear. He tried to keep a straight face but just ended up biting his lip from trying not to laugh. “Draaaaaaacoooooo,” you sang again.

“Yes, Y/N?” He asked, attempting and failing to hold back a chuckle.

“Whatcha doin’?”

“Potions.” You frowned.

“But I’m sooooo much more interesting!” You grinned. He couldn’t help but smile.

“Yes, Darling, you are. But I need to finish this.”

“Why?”

“Because it's graded.”

“Why?”

“Because Snape made it that way.”

“Wh-” he put a hand over your face and glanced at you with an arched eyebrow.

“You aren’t going to let me get anything done, are you?” You shook your head like a little kid. He chuckled and took his hand away from your face and set down his quill. “You just don't like potions because you aren’t a natural at it.” You pouted at his completely true statement.

“It's boring! And Snape has a personal vendetta against me!” You crossed your arms and pouted, making him laugh.

“Aw, you poor thing,” he teased, rolling his eyes and going back to his work. You took a seat next to him and put your hands on your arms. He worked silently for a few minuets before finishing and packing everything up. “I still can’t believe you made me take muggle studies with you,” he huffed as he slung his bag over his shoulder. You giggled and walked with him through the halls.

“It's an easy grade!”

“For you maybe! You're halfblooded! I still don’t understand the function of a toaster! What's its purpose?”

“To toast bread! It is literally in its name!” You laughed.

“And then phones. What is the purpose when you can just send a letter?” You giggled and took your seats near the back of the class.

“It's faster! And plus it's like talking face to face but from long distances!” He just shook his head and leaned back in his seat.

“Magical culture is just better.” He sighed and you rolled your eyes.

“Welcome everyone! Welcome welcome!” The professor called out to the class. “Today we will be discussing muggle stories.” He said excitedly, though most of the class didn't want to even be there. “We are starting with Romeo and Juliet By William Shakespeare.” You groaned and slouched in your seat. Draco raised an eyebrow at you.

“What's with the reaction?”

“This is one of the most Cliché plays ever.” You hissed. “The love,” you made a gagging noise.

“A Hufflepuff who isn't a fan of love?” he teased, but you just glared at him. His smirk fell. “Wait, you really don’t believe in love?”

“It's a chemical reaction humans have to other humans. Its natural instinct to get them to reproduce,” you explained with a curt nod. He just stared at you.

“You must be joking.” You stared him down before turning back to the professor to listen about the play that is so overrated.

“Y/N!” Draco called, running down the hallway after you. “Y/N, wait a second!” You paused and smiled as he caught up with you. “You can't just say something like that and just leave.”

“I think I just did. And I’m about to do it again.” You turned and started walking away but he grabbed your wrist.

“Why though? You're a Hufflepuff!”

“And you're stereotyping again. Listen, Draco,” you sighed and rubbed your temples. “My home life isn't the best. Love lacks in nearly all aspects of my life. You can care for something deeply, but love isn’t… its not…. Its a lie.”

“You can’t actually believe that.” You shrugged, tugging at your sleeves.

“All my life, its what I’ve seen. My mother and father have been through more divorces than I can count. My siblings are in horrible relationships and they are at their partners throats all the time.” You admitted quietly. “Someone is always in tears because their heart is being torn out. If love was real they wouldn’t constantly be miserable,” you turned and slipped your wrist from his grasp and took off down the hallway. He just watched after you.

He had been friends with you since first year, complained to you about his home life, about his expectations, and all the while… you were dealing with your own struggles. How hadn’t he noticed that before? Well, he was going to change that. He’d get you to believe in love. He didn't know how, but he would!

“Y/L/N!” You turned to Draco as he jogged down the hall at you. You were heading to muggle studies. You smiled at your friend as he slowed to a walk.

“Where's the fire?”

“I have a proposition for you. A bet of a sort.” You hummed, never able to turn down a bet. “If I am able to get you to believe in love by the Yule Ball, you have to go. Not with someone, you just have to go.” You cocked your brow at him.

“What if I win?”

“Well, you won’t, but if you do I’ll leave you alone about it.”

“No teasing, no bringing it up?”

“Zip.” You inhaled and thought about it.

“Alright. Deal, Malfoy. If you can do the impossible, then I will go to the Yule Ball. But if not, you have to stop bothering me about it indefinitely.” You stuck out your hand. “Shake on it?”

“Don’t trust me?”

“Can never be too careful with you,” you teased. He shook your hand and you headed to class.

You sat in your usual seat at the back of the class, a copy of Romeo and Juliet sitting on the table. You groaned. He smirked.

“Well, look. The most Cliché story in all of history,” he teased.

“They kill themselves for each other.” You hummed. He paled and looked at the story. “They also get a lot of other people killed in the process.”

“That's horrible!”

“That's romance! People who can control you because they stole your heart! They can manipulate you, think you can’t live without them!” He just stared at you.

“Nothing about love appeals to you at all, does it?”

“No.” You looked away, his eyes widened.

“You’re lying!”

“No.”

“Yes you are!”

“Shush! No, I’m not! Nothing about it appeals to me! It has destroyed people! Why would that be appealing to anyone?” He shook his head.

“That may be true, but you were lying. Are you afraid of it?” You laughed. It was fake.

“Scared of love? That's a good one!” His mouth dropped and you knew there was no getting out of this.” You stood and ran out of the room. You’ve read Romeo and Juliet before, you would get whatever assignment that was given from someone else in the class.

Being afraid of love. What a joke you were. He was probably laughing his head off at you. You would be.

He didn't see you for a few days after that. He wanted to talk to you about what you had said. You did have a bet, but to make sure you were alright.

He sat in the library and he heard your voice from the isles. He jumped up and scurried to where you were. You were trying to reach a book on the shelf but struggling. He grabbed it off the shelf for you and handed it to you.

“Oh! Then-” you paused when you saw him. You turned and started to turn.

“Wait wait wait!” You stopped and turned back around, your eyes were sad.

“What do you want, Draco?” You sighed and looked down. “Wanna laugh at me? The Hufflepuff afraid of falling in love?” He shook his head.

“No! No, I wanted to make sure you were alright. You looked really upset.” You were speechless.

“Oh! Oh. Um, I’m ok.”

“Did you really think I would make fun of you for that?” He looked kind of hurt.

“I mean, maybe? It's ironic how I’m a Hufflepuff and how out of touch with my own, or anyone else's, feelings I am. I don’t trust people, Draco. I never really have. And I trust you, but… this stupid wall that I’ve built up is just to tall for me to tear down. It was better to avoid you and not see you laugh at me,” you said quietly and looked down at your feet. “Uh, sorry.” He just stared at you for a moment before doing something Draco Malfoy did not do. He pulled you into a hug. You were shocked for a second before hugging him back, burying your head in the crook of his neck.

“I understand, I’m sorry,” he muttered to you, and in that moment you realized something. Something utterly horrible and terrible. You did believe in love... because you were in it. You were in it so much, that you didn't even realize that you were in it. And you were in love with your best friend. This could ruin yours and his life. Because that's what love did. It took and it took and it took and then it left you broken on the pavement with no one. You had seen it happen before. You had wanted it so bad up until that moment. And then you had buried that emotion deep inside of you so that you would never have to go through it. But now it was surfacing. Ready to destroy you just like it did to Romeo and Juliet.

Ever since your realization, you had buried it in an even deeper hole, but that hole turned into a cavern that threatened to swallow you. Every time he was near you, talking to you about love and how great it actually could be, your heart was pounding. You were deaf to everything else but him. You hated it. You couldn't stand it! It was tearing you apart from the inside out and you wanted to just die!

No!

No no no no no. No dying. You would not be one of those people. Ever. You would win this bet. You would kill these feelings and be the normal happy Hufflepuff you were known to be!

“Hey, Y/N!” Your stomach fluttered and your heart skipped a beat.

Dammit!

“Hey, Darco,” you said happily, turning around to face him. “What's up?”

“Well, since the bet’s almost over and the Yule Ball is coming up, I have one more idea.” You swallowed. Not another one! This boy was going to kill you.

Stop being such a stereotypical Juliet!

“I think it would only be fitting to give you the full experience of what it can be like.”

You chuckled softly and readjusted your books. “Oh yeah, Dray? Like what? Take me on a date?” You teased.

“Actually yeah.” You stopped walking. Your heart stopped beating. Your entire body stopped functioning.

“Wh-what?”

“I mean, let's be honest. I can tell you everything that's great about it and how every relationship doesn’t end up with someone getting their heart broken, but you have to actually see what a romantic situation is!”

No!!!

“Yeah sure,” you shrugged. “When and where?” He beamed.

“I’ll pick you up at your dorm tomorrow at seven.” He smiled and walked on. Your smile dropped and you nearly collapsed.

Why did I agree! Why why why why? What the fuck is wrong with me?

You smacked your head off the wall earning a few strange looks from your peers but didn't stick around to see if they would ask you if you were ok or not. You took off towards the Hufflepuff dorms. Your stomach twisting and turning with every step you took.

You were finally safe in your dorm room only to see your friend, Maria, staring at you from her bed.

"Y/N? What's wrong? Why do you look like you've been running away from something?" You started to sob and she was in her feet with her arms around you within two seconds, shushing you and telling you it was alright. But it wasn't. "What happened?"

"Re-remember when I told you about my family. And how my mum and dad have been divorced and-and my siblings always end up crying over lost loves and and and how my brother threw himself off a bridge because-because of it? And I promised to never be caught in that trap?"

"Honey you didn't." You let out another sob. "It's ok. It's ok. Who?"

"Dra-Draco. And-and he asked me out on a fake date and I-I accepted and I don't know what to do!" You wailed. She kept silent for a moment.

"Well, I've known you've been in love with that boy since day one and he's-even if he hasn't realized it yet-has been in love with you just as long. Now, I'll tell you what we are going to do."

"What-what?" She helped your face in her hands and looked you in the eyes seriously.

"We are going to get you all dolled up for this date, whether or not it's real. You are going to knock this boy's socks off."

"But-but our bet. I-I can't lose. I can't go to the Ball!"

"Sure you can. And I bet you anything, you'll be going as his date," she smiles and holds you. "When's this date with him?"

"Tomorrow at seven," you sniffled. She nodded.

"Then it looks like we have a date to start getting you ready for." She smiles at you and you smiled gratefully back.

Xx

Draco was pacing his dorm room twisting the ring on his finger. Why had he done that? He had asked you out on a fake date. If he was going to ask you out he wanted it to be real. He flipped on his bed with a groan. What had he gotten himself into? He had fallen for a girl who didn't believe in love. How lovely.

He had wanted to ask her to the Ball. Perhaps as more than just friends. But when he asked if she had a date, she said she wasn't going. This whole thing was exhausting. He did see what she meant. The love in her family did seem…Stressed. But that didn't mean all love was terrible. Right?

"Merlin," he mumbled and ran a hand through his hair. "What am I getting myself into?"

Xx

Maria zipped up the back of your orange and red dress. She had put together the best outfit for the occasion. She had given you black leggings under the dress and a pair of boots with a black infinity scarf and a heavy jean jacket. Then she did your hair up in a high ponytail and a black scrunchie around your Y/H/C hair. She had put oranges and yellows and reds as your eyeshadow and a darker lip stick on you. You looked great.

She smiled at her good work and helped you put your jacket on. Maria squealed behind you, obviously excitedly she wouldn't stop talking about how she had shipped the two of you since the day you met. It was slightly irritating, especially considering you didn't exactly know how to feel. Should you be happy? Sad? Angry? What were you supposed to be feeling?

You sighed and collapsed on your bed, ready to go to sleep right then. The makeup was heavy and you weren't used to having so much of your cleavage exposed, courtesy of Maria's dirty mind.

"Maria, I don't know, isn't this a but…Much? It's not even a real date!"

"Riiiight," she winked at you, making you huff and cross your arms. You felt like you were going to vomit. Maybe you could get away with not going because you were sick?

"Y/N?" Jess knocked on the door and smiled at you. "Wow, looking good. Anyhow, Draco said you were expecting him?" You frowned. Too late. You stood and brushed off your dress looking back at Maria who gave you a thumbs up. You attempted a weak smile and left your dorm room. Your stomach was a wreck, your head hurt from thinking and you were exhausted from lack of sleep.

You had spent all night trying to think of what to do. You didn't want to end up like your brother, or your family, or Juliet. Up until this point… Until Draco… you were perfectly content with being sure love was horrible. And you were still fine with that! But, what if it wasn't? What if it was great? What if it was all perfect and then it just went up in flames like you've watched every relationship around you end up. You opened the portal and stepped out.

Draco was standing there looking around the hallway awkwardly and bouncing in the balls of his feet. He looked at you as soon as you stepped out of the portal and his jaw dropped. You bit your lip and looked down.

"I-I can go get changed if I did it wrong? Maria helped and-"

"You look beautiful," he assured you, taking your hand in his. You swallowed trying to steal your heart.

No no no no! Stop being so sweet! I hate love I hate love I hate love!

"Tha-thanks," you stuttered out. He smiled and pulled you after him.

"Come on. I got everything planned!" He smiled childishly, making you laugh and run after him as he pulled you.

When Draco said he had everything planned, he wasn't joking. He had pulled you up to the Astronomy Tower where he had had a picnic setup and a bubble spell cast around the area so that the wind wouldn't affect the two of you. You gaped at the scene.

"Woah," you whispered, he laughed and pulled you down besides him. And the weird part of it? It wasn't awkward. It was perfectly normal in every way. It was just like talking with your friend, but the butterflies of him being so close were definitely a difference.

After that you two went around the grounds, him keeping you under his arm to protect you from the winds and the chill, which worked. But you really don't need it because you were all warm inside from him being so close.

Did he always smell this good? Peppermint and pine?

Odd combination that strangely worked for him.

Oh my God! Stop it! You can not fall in love! Or, rather fall farther in love.

And it didn't help that Draco was a perfect gentleman. He offered you his jacket when he noticed you were shivering on your own, but you just laughed him off saying that he would be cold.

"Not with you here keeping me company," was his response and put the jacket over your shoulders. You blushed and grabbed the jacket to hold it tighter.

The night went too fast and you often forgot that it was a fake date. It was just to prove to you that love wasn’t bad. That love was real. And you hated that he was right.

“So.” he said at the end of the night, his hands in his pockets as he swayed between his heels and toes.

“So.”

“Who wins?” You looked up at him confused. “Do you believe love is real?” You swallowed and looked down, sliding his jacket off your shoulders.

“Yeah. Maybe. You win,” You handed him his jacket back, which he hesitantly took back. You laughed and shook your head. “Looks like I have to hurry up and go dress shopping.” You smiled at him and pressed the combination to enter the Common room. The door opened and you stepped in, stopping before closing the door. “Thanks, Darco,” You smiled at him over your shoulder. “I’ll-I’ll see you tomorrow,” you entered and shut the door, his mouth still open from where he was trying to say something. Anything. But nothing ever came out. This wasn't how tonight was supposed to go.

He slunk off to his dorm room with slumped shoulders and his jacket on his arm.

Your back hit the wall and tears formed in your eyes. You cried into your arms and shook off the person who put their hand on your arm.

“Y/N/N.” You hiccupped and fell into Maria’s arms. She held you, whispering how sorry she was.

“I was so stupid!” You sobbed. “I-I promised myself I wouldn't become like the rest of my family! I promised myself!”

“You can't help these things, Y/N/N. I’m so sorry.” You cried into her shoulder as she led you up to the dorm room so you two could have some privacy.

You told her how perfect everything was. How he had planned the perfect date and then how you had forgotten it was all completely fake. She just shushed you as you sobbed. Saying it would be alright. The worst part though? Now you had to go to the Yule Ball and see him there with some other girl on his arm.

Why did you have to go and fall in love?

Maria was doing your hair, putting it up in a semi-messy bun with strands falling down the sides of your face. Your Y/F/C dress was dazzling. It flowed out when you spun and was slung off to one side so that one of your shoulders was exposed. Your makeup was done to match your face and although you looked like a princess in your glittering dress, you didn't feel like one.

No one had asked you, but you had to honor your bet with Draco, like he would notice if you weren’t there or not. Maria put her hands on your shoulders, signaling that she was done. You stood and looked yourself over in the mirror, still frowning and feeling self conscience.

The dress hugged the top of your body, making your figure quite noticeable. At least it was higher up than the dress you had worn on your “Date” was. There were sparkles dusting the entire thing and you really did love the dress.

Maria squeezed your shoulder. You looked back at her.

“You’re always welcomed to hang out with me and Nolan,” she offered, but you just shook your head.

“He’s your boyfriend, Maria, I’m not third wheeling. Plus this is your guys’ night.” You smiled at her. She was gorgeous. Her dress was yellow and black with blue underneath it to represent her boyfriend’s house. It was brilliantly beautiful and you couldn't help but just stare in awe at her. She was one of the most beautiful girls in your year. She pulled off anything. She smiled sadly and held your hands.

“Well, if you need the company….”

“I’ll come find you,” you promised. She squeezed your hands again and left the room. You looked yourself over and ran your hands over the dress, something it out before making your way down to the Great Hall.

Awkward wasn’t the word for what you felt. No. You felt something far beyond awkward. You were sitting, alone, at one of the tables on the side, watching Pansy Parkinson throw herself at her date… Draco Malfoy. Your chest tightened. God, he looked perfect. He always did, you had recently noticed, but looking at him now from across the room, twirl her across the room with the stoic face… Your heart beat out of your chest.

“Excuse me?” You looked up to see a Durmstrang student bowing and holding his hand out to you. “Would you, uhm… Dance with me?” You smiled. He was one of the shyer ones you could tell. Not often you found one of them. You took his hand and stood.

“I’d love to.” He smiled and led you out onto the floor. He twirled you around and you laughed. The two of you talked and danced and laughed. He was quite nice. And the awkwardness fell away, but the throbbing of your chest did not.

Draco was “listening” to a story Blaise was telling for the thousandth time. He let his gaze travel the crowd, searching for you for the millionth time that evening. He hadn’t seen you yet and knew you wouldn't back out. He ended up taking Parkinson, which made him want to gag. He finally caught your figure and it took his breath away completely.

Your hair was done up in a fancy messy-ish bun with strands falling into your face. Your make up was simple and your dress… He couldn't stop staring at you. Then he noticed you were being led out onto the floor by someone. A Durmstrang student. He swallowed and followed the two of you out with his eyes.

Your dress flowed around you as you danced with him. Your laugh rang through the crowd as you laughed with him. Your smile was bright as you smiled at him. That wasn't supposed to be a Durmstrang student. That was supposed to be him. Draco Malfoy. It was supposed to be him making you laugh and twirl like that. It should’ve been him making you smile that brightly. He swallowed and left Pansy’s side, making a beeline for you. He tapped the student on the shoulder.

“Mind if I cut in?” The Durmstrang student opened his mouth to probably say yes he did mind, but just ended up shaking his head. He squeezed your hand, whispered something in your ear, and kissed your cheek, making your face flush before leaving the two of you alone.

Draco held out his hand and raised an eyebrow.

“May I have this dance?” You rolled your eyes and took his hand, hating the way you felt electric pulses shoot up your arm.

“You already scared off my only dance partner,” you joked as he led you to the dance floor.

“I’m sorry. Figured I had a right to at least one dance with my best friend.” You chuckled as he twirled you around the floor.

“What about your.. Date?” You glanced at Pansy who was glaring daggers at you. Draco rolled his eyes.

“No one else to take,” he mumbled. You frowned.

“Could have taken me,” You pouted and looked away from him. He seemed shocked by your statement, and honestly you were surprised you said it aloud. “I mean, you are the reason I had to be here in the first place. Thanks for making me miserable by the way.” He scoffed.

“Please, you were having a nice time cuddling up to that Durmstag.”

“Watching me now?”

“Hard to miss.”

“And what's that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing, but it seems you now believe in the concept in love and are simply… looking for it.” Your jaw clenched and you ripped your hands from his.

“I never was looking for it!” You hissed and stormed out. Draco stood still for a moment before rushing after you.

“Wait! Y/N!” He chased you out of the Great Hall.

“Leave me alone, Draco!” you called over your shoulder.

“Y/N! Just, wait!”

“Go back to your date! I’m sure she’s waiting for-” Draco grabbed your hand and turned you so you fell into him. “You.” You two stared at each other for a second before he releases his grip. You rub your wrist and look away from him.

“What was that about?” He asked after a moment, you didn’t answer. “Y/N.”

“Nothing, Draco. Don’t worry about it,” you muttered.

“Don't worry about it? Of course I’m going to worry about it! You're my best friend, Y/N. How can I not worry about it?”

“Because it's your fault!” You shouted, looking at his eyes, your own watering. You couldn’t do this. You turned away from him and started to walk down the hall again.

“What do you mean ‘my fault’? What's my fault?” You froze and kept your back to him as you answered.

“I was fine, living my life not believing in love. Without believing that it was real and I couldn't be touched by it. That I wouldn’t end up like my family… like my brother,” your voice broke and you turned to him. A single tear escaped your eyes. “But then you had to make me see that I had fallen in love without realizing it. You had to wake me up from my dream. You had to go and make me love you!” You were full on sobbing at this point. Full on screaming. Your chest was heaving and he just stared at you with an open mouth. You wiped the tears from your face and sniffled. “And now,” you added softly. “And now I’m just like the rest of my family.” You buried your face in your hands and started laughing and sobbing all at once. “God! I’m just like my family!” you shook your head. “Might as well just jump off the Astronomy tower now! How about old fashioned-and-and poison myself!” You laughed, tears flowed down your face. “How-How about a dagger then?”

Draco just watched you have your break down. Sobbing and laughing and talking about suicide. He couldn’t move. And when he did, he had no control of his body. He did what he wanted to do from the moment he had met you.

He walked up to you, put his hands on your face and kissed you. You immediately kissed back, not knowing what you were doing in the slightest.

The kiss wasn’t soft. Not in the slightest. It was hard and desperate. You fisted his dress robes and pulled him in tighter against you, trying to get as close as you could to him. When you finally broke for air, you were both gasping for breath. He rested his forehead on yours, still holding your face.

“Never say that again. Any of that.” He rasped, his voice horse from the kiss. Hoarse was better than no voice at all, which is what you were left with. “I can’t lose you. Not now, not ever. I don’t care if you were joking or serious. Please don't scare me like that.” you pulled away and looked up at him. He looked down at you, his own eyes slightly watery. You opened your mouth to talk but you couldn’t get any words out, so you just closed your mouth and nodded. He sighed and kissed your head.

After a moment you got your voice back.

“So does this mean that you like me back?” You asked. He chuckled and looked down at you, kissing you again, softer this time.

“Yes. This means I like you back,” he smiled and you smiled up at him, eyes still glassy.

Bonus:

“And they lived Happily Ever After,” your daughter read and shut the book. You walked in and leaned on the doorway a smile on your face.

“What were you reading, Sweetie?” She turned the book over and squinted at the cover, sounding out the letters.

“Cinderella?” You nodded.

“A muggle story?”

“I found it in one of the trunks.” You came in and sat down on her bed next to her.

“And what did you think of it?”

“I don't understand it.” Your son walked in the room, a year older than your four year old, and crawled on your lap.

“What don’t you understand?” You asked.

“Well, how can they get married if they just met? How can you truly love someone you don’t even know?” Your son looked up at you for an answer as well and you smiled at the two. You hummed for a moment and leaned back in the bed and stared at the ceiling.

“Well, you can’t.” You answered. “You have to know the person.”

“How do you know if you're in love?” Your son asked. You looked at the boy who had inherited your looks while your daughter had inherited your husband's. You smile at the two and sat up on your elbows.

“Well, you just do. It's odd to explain, really. There's no logic behind love.”

“Never thought I’d hear you say that,” Draco said, walking into the room and settling down on the bed as well, picking your daughter up and settling her on his lap.

“Ha ha.” You laughed sarcastically. “Would you like to explain?”

“Yeah, Dad. How did you and mom know you were in love?” Your son asked, the hopeless romantic he was at age five.

“And what did you mean coming from her?” You daughter added, always the intuitive one. Draco thought about it for a moment and the three of you waited.

“Well, your mother didn’t believe in love, actually.” You smirked and laid back down on the bed, staring at the ceiling.

“Really?” they asked.

“Yep. She had to make it logical. Thought it was all up here,” he poked your daughter on her head, making her giggle.

“Did you really mum?” Your son asked, plopping himself down on your chest so you were staring at his face. You smiled.

“Yes. I didn’t grow up in the best household like you two. You have a fabulous mother.” Draco raised his eyebrows.

“And me?” You glanced at him and smirked.

“You’re alright.” He laughed.

“Thanks, Darling. I really appreciate that.”

“But, how did you two fall in love?” Your daughter asked again, getting slightly irritated.

“Well,” Draco began again. “I knew from the moment I laid eyes on her that I wanted to get to know her. And as I did, I grew to love her.” He smiled at you and grabbed your hand.

“That was so cheesy,” You grinned.

“Never bothered you before.” You rolled your eyes.

“What about you, mum?” Your son asked you with wide eyes. The one thing he had inherited from your husband.

“It sort of hit me all at once. I was so against it for so long, I never realized that I had fallen in love until he hugged me in the library at school.”

“That was where you realized it?” He asked. He hadn’t realized that was the moment you had fallen for him. You nodded. And he paused. “You're telling me that you let me believe you didn't believe in love that entire time?”

“It was only a few weeks.”

“And I could have taken you to the ball.”

“Are we still on that?” You sighed.

“We never left it,” you laughed.

Your children looked at each other in confusion.

“So…” your daughter began. “You slowly fell in love and you hadn't realized you fell in love? I don’t get it.” You smiled at the girl with platinum blond hair.

“One day you will.”

“Will I get it one day too?” He asked, sitting up. You put a hand on his cheek and smiled.

“One day.” You nodded. “Why don't you two go get ready for dinner,” you urged. They scrambled off your laps and ran to the dining room. You smiled and sat up.

Draco took you in his arms and kissed your forehead. You hummed happily.

“So the library, really?” You laughed. And looked up at him from his lap.

“Not going to let this go, are you?”

“What about that date? I was sure that was where I got you.” You shook your head.

“No, that made me cry for about three hours,” his jaw dropped, making you laugh.

“That was the perfect first date. How did that make you cry?”

“I was struggling, ok? And the fact that it was fake…” You drifted off, too sad to continue. He kissed you, bringing you back to the present.

“It was real to me,” he murmured. You smiled and leaned up, connecting your lips again. The butterflies in your stomach still fluttering like it was the first time.

“I’m glad to hear that, because it was pretty real to me too.” He smiled down at you and you smiled up at him, feeling as if you two were back at Hogwarts and were just teenagers wandering the hallways arm in arm.

Hope you guys enjoyed! Let me know what you think! Thank you for reading!!!

[lucysometimeswrites]

SUBMISSION: Prompt 1,20,29 from the Disney song list with Harry Holland ( I’m interested to see how this goes)

DUDE i am so sorry this took SOOOOO long but i hadn't had time for it and i didn't wanna just give you something rushed so anyway i hope you like it!

1. Please don’t shut me out again, please don’t slam the door.

20. Go on and kiss the girl.

29. Barely even friends, then somebody bends, unexpectedly

---------------------------------------------

“God, that’s disgusting”, you grimaced at the newly-formed couple who was making out in the living room. The Holland’s living room, to be precise. Harry and you had been friends for a while, close enough to be invited to get-togethers and random drinking evenings. This was one of those evenings, where everyone wanted to unwind and have a good laugh to inaugurate the weekend, and Harry offered the perfect way to do that.

I mean, free booze, the guy you liked, and good music? How could you say no?

You and Harry had hit it off quite quickly after first meeting a few years ago, through mutual friends. You had a lot of similar interests, same sort of humour, and even in the things you thought differently on, you learned to like for the other. He was an absolute dream. Everyone saw it, too. They secretly hoped you’d get together soon, and already assumed something happened between the two of you but, alas, here you were. Angry at life and that innocent couple in the living room because of the stupid, lovey-dovey thoughts that just wouldn’t go away.

“Why the long face?” Harry asked with a chuckle as he entered the kitchen, stopping beside you and turning to look where your angry stare was headed.

You nodded towards the living room, and answered, “Them. Like, can you not do it in front of my face, please?”

“But you’re all the way here in the kitchen?” he said, confused.

“Shut up” you ended, giving a big swig of your cup. A silence made itself at home between you too, not necessarily uncomfortable as you would expect, but a little suffocating. You became self-conscious about every move you made, hating how the curly-headed boy could turn you into a mess with just his presence.

“I think it’s cute” he shrugged, breaking the silence.

“They’re barely even friends, then somebody bends, unexpectedly. Ha, what a joke” you challenged.

The quiet settled again and you didn’t notice, but Harry side-eyed you while a million thought ran through his mind. He remembered that one night where you found yourselves in a similar situation. Both drunk off your asses and looking at the world through a pink lens, you shared an intimate kiss just weeks after meeting each other. He also remembered how, after trying to talk about it with you, you shut him out and didn’t speak to him for an entire two weeks. It was after promising he’d never bring it up again that you ended the silent treatment, much to his delight.

As the night went on, you kept going into the kitchen for more drink refills, feeling a little tipsy. The people, getting rowdier and nastier, went on to find the darkest spots in the house for their shenanigans, and you were so distracted that you didn’t even realize when you were dragged to a circle that formed in the living room. The announcement that the classic “Spin The Bottle” game was about to be played was made and yup, cue the eye roll.

A bunch of rounds went by with no one you actually cared to remember the name of getting their turn, until the guy who looked a little to drunk to be managing the game yelled,

“Harry! My boy! Your turn to snog one of these lucky ladies here tonight” he motioned to the girls sitting around the circle, who all bit their lips or looked down in embarrassment.

“Snog? Shut up, mate,” the red-head answered and confidently spun the bottle.

You held your breath and did not tear your eyes from it, the stupid thing seeming to spin for ages until it slowly came to a stop.

Pointing at you.

Of course it’s me, you thought as you closed your eyes, damning every single power in the universe. When you opened them, Harry was intently staring at you, as if studying any movement you might make and trying to figure out what was going through your head. In response, you got on your knees and lightly slapped you hands on your thighs, showing you were ready. He didn’t move an inch, still analyzing your face. Harry knew this was thin ice he was treading on—one wrong move and everything would go to shit. He was dying to press his lips on yours, even if it was just a game, but the memories from a few weeks back flooded his mind and—

“C’mon mate! Go on and kiss the girl!” the guy from earlier encouraged.

Well, why the fuck not?, you both thought at the same time.

Harry crawled to you and you met him halfway, lips clashing with force and desire. His hand made its way to cradle your cheek and part of your neck, guiding the kiss and making you melt into a puddle instantly. Your mouth opened a little more, letting him kiss you deeper and hungrier like no one has ever before. It was absolutely everything you had ever wanted.

And it was everything you couldn’t have.

Parting your lips with your hands on his chest, you felt tears well up in your eyes, and whispered for only you and him to hear,

“This is why the fuck not”

You hurriedly got up as everyone cheered and hooted after the heated show they saw, quickly glancing at Harry but rushing towards the upstairs bathroom.

“Please! Y/N, wait!

Hearing a faint call of your name and footsteps catching up to you, you almost ran for the room you deemed safe. Before going in, however, Harry’s voice made you stop in your tracks.

“Please, please. Please don’t shut me out again, please don’t slam the door”, he begged.

You felt his presence a few feet behind you, the dark hallway only aiding in the tense atmosphere that surrounded you. Not daring to move an inch, the only thing you could do was stare ahead at the shower curtain, your mind going a thousand miles a minute on how anything that happened in the next few moments could make or break you.

A pair of warm, shaky hands found their place on your shoulders, making you tense and then relax as they carefully and lovingly caressed their way down your arms. You felt the ghost of his chest against your back, his breath fanning on your neck and you closed your eyes, savouring the moment but dreading having to face him and look him in the eye. Gently, he grabbed your elbows and turned you to him, still very close to you.

In all honesty, Harry did not have a plan. He ran after you because there was no way he was letting you get away once more, but now that he caught up to you and had you so close to him, he had no clue what to do. His mind had gone blank, the only thing filling it was the image of you. You, whom he had shared so many memories with. You, with the beautiful laugh and crinkly eyes that brought butterflies to his chest every time. You, who never failed to bring happiness into his life, even if you weren’t on the best terms. You, whom he loved so much.

Leaning his forehead against yours, he quietly pleaded one more time, “Please don’t run away from me again”.

“I’m not,” you answered with the same tone, eyes still very much closed.

“You were going to, though”

“I’m sorry”

“Why?” he furrowed his brows.

“For trying to run away”, you answered swiftly to each question, surprisingly. As if all your walls had been brought down just by his simple, loving touch.

“No, why do you keep running away?”

Not so swift anymore, huh?

You stayed silent, not knowing how to answer his question without sounding like a little girl scared of the dark.

“Y/N” he said again, waiting for your answer. His hands moved from your arms to your hands, stopping both pairs from shaking and lightly intertwining your fingers.

You knew you had to come clean. It wasn’t fair to him for you to not give him answers, and not fair to you to keep feeling this angst. So, still very quietly, you answered.

“I’m scared. I’m scared that I’m gonna get hurt if I let you in or that I may hurt you if you let me in. Or both. I care about you so much and I don’t want to ruin our relationship because what we have is great but I also really want to be with you and love you but then I’m also scared because of what I just sai—” your ramble being cut off by Harry’s chapped lips.

His hands held both sides of your face, making you feel secure in his embrace and the soft kiss radiating adoration. He poured everything he felt for you in it, only hoping you could feel it too and that it would bring you out of that fear that had you so trapped in yourself.

He broke the kiss, lightly running his thumb over your cheek and reassuring you immediately.

“With me? Darling, you don’t have to be scared with me. I promise you I feel the exact same way, I love you so much and the last thing I want or will do is hurt you, but I can’t let you get away anymore. I want to make you feel loved and make you feel happy and I want everyone to know you’re mine and that I’m yours. Please let me do that, Y/N. Let me love you the way you deserve to be and I promise you won’t—”

It was you who interrupted him this time. During his small speech, you felt safe enough to open your eyes and see him. You saw the honestly and frustration in his face, desperately wanting you to understand how he felt. It made you realize  that you would rather spend a few moments loving each other than the rest of your life watching him with someone else, not knowing what could have been.

“Okay,” you said after parting ways.

“Okay?” he asked you, eyes frantically scanning your features for any sign of doubt or humour.

“Yes. Yes, let’s do it!” you giggled, him mirroring your actions and pulling you into his chest for a tight hug. He buried his face in your hair and yours in his chest, feeling relief course through him at the idea of you being taken by none other than him. Just holding each other, you were about to share another kiss until a random voice interrupted you from behind,

“...can I use the bathroom now?”.

[dudeandduchess]

Kyōjurō x F!S/O, and Ran: Orihime and Hikoboshi (Family Fluff, SFW Scenario)

Summary: Kyōjurō and his wife take their daughter to the Tanabata, and while there Kyō tells Ran all about the story behind the festival— while, of course, embellishing a few details. After all, it was for the sake of entertaining the brightest star in the Flame Hashira’s life.

Note: I had baby fever, so this was inevitable. 😂 Also, here are two amazing art pieces of Ran which were drawn by @captain-roomba 🥰 I love them so much and were high key my inspirations for writing this.

If you bbys have any Ran art or anything like that, please don’t hesitate to send them my way. I love seeing them sooooo much. 🥰🍉

***

The sound of the festival being in full swing colored the mildly humid night, bringing life and excitement to the otherwise stifling setting around the youngest member of the Rengoku family.

Ran held tightly to her father’s right hand, looking up at him expectantly as he brought the hashimaki up to his mouth and took a bite out of the lukewarm— and savory— treat. “Papa, don’t eat everything!”

His daughter’s quiet outburst had Kyōjurō laughing— making a few people look over at him, before dismissing him as another one of those happy-go-lucky festival goers. He then decided to humor his little princess, stooping low enough to that he could bring the snack down to her lips. And, in a heartbeat, she took a huge bite out of the savory treat— making sure to get as much of the katsuoboshi as she could.

The four year-old’s actions had Kyōjurō’s eyes widening, as he watched his tiny and adorable daughter fit the huge bite of hashimaki in her mouth. Her cheeks even puffed up with how much she’d eaten, yet she still shot him a wide grin that could only make him chuckle.

Then, with a sigh, he tried not to eye the half eaten taiyaki that was still in Ran’s right hand— not to mention the tiny bag that hung from the crook of her arm, which still had five more of the fish-shaped sweets.

When his wife sees just how much food they got, he had no doubt that she would get mad at him again. All because he liked to spoil Ran.

In his defense, she was his little angel— so he wanted to dote on her as much as he could, and it wasn’t like he didn’t have the means to do so. If Ran wished, he could buy out all of the food stalls in the area; but he wouldn’t do that, all because of his wife (Y/n).

Kyōjurō had faced so many tough demons in his years of being a Slayer, but none of them could match up to (Y/n)— especially when she started wielding her sandal around. Once that came off, it was time to hide; that was for sure.

A chuckle bubbled free from his lips at the thought, and it had Ran looking up at him once more as she continued to chew through the food in her mouth. However, when she swallowed it, she instantly brought the taiyaki to her lips and took a bite out of it— before offering it up to Kyōjurō. “Does papa want some?”

The plastic bag that hung from the crook of her arm made a crinkling sound as it swung with her movements— hitting the top of the Flame Hashira’s knee as Ran held it up as best as she could.

“Maybe later, princess,” Kyōjurō answered with a grin, just as he finished the last of the hashimaki on the stick and tossed it into a trash bin. “Thank you.”

He didn’t miss the minute frown that briefly graced his daughter’s lips, however; and it had Kyōjurō chewing faster before swallowing what was in his mouth. And in a move that he’d done so many times before, he scooped Ran up into his arms and grinned at her.

Just as he’d intended, his little girl let out a peal of laughter that warmed his heart— tapering his grin down into a soft, satisfied smile that he didn’t even bother to hide from her.

“On second thought, can I have some? Papa’s already hungry again.” He really wasn’t hungry, but the bright expression that graced Ran’s face made the white lie worth saying in the first place.

She didn’t fail him; holding up the red bean filled pastry to his mouth, and holding it there as he took a generous bite out of it.

“Umai!” The Hashira cried out with a grin, as he held his daughter tighter— especially when she wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

The rest of their walk was wordless after that, filled instead with the sounds of taiko drums in the distance, as well as the quiet sounds of them going through most of the taiyaki that they’d gotten earlier.

Kyōjurō was sure of the probability that he’d stained his yukata with the red bean filling, but he paid no mind to it as he looked over his daughter’s pink one— which had the same flame patterns as his red one had— and deemed it clean enough to pass his wife’s muster later.

All they had to do at that point was to wait for her by the river— since she had to get the mini silk bags that she so adored from the merchant stalls on the other side of the bank. They had decided to split up, since there were much more people there— and it wasn’t really ideal to bring Ran to a much more crowded area.

And so, without anywhere else to sit, Kyōjurō set Ran down on the fence that lined the edge of the river— not once loosening his arms around her, and even leaning forward so he could press a kiss to the crown of her head.

“Papa?” The little girl asked softly.

In response, the Hashira pulled a little bit away from her so he could see her face beneath the dim glow of the paper lanterns above them. “Hm?”

“What’s Tanabata?”

Kyōjurō had to really stop and think about it— all while thinking if he had already told the story to Ran. But when he concluded that he had never told her the story before, he answered confidently, “Well, it’s the story of how me and your mama met.”

The little girl gasped at that, complete awe in her features; looking as if it was her father whom had hung up all of the stars in the sky just for her. It had him feeling a little out of sorts, yet extremely content as he smiled down at Ran.

“Really? How! How did you and mama meet? Please tell me, papa!”

The young man chuckled at that, then answered indulgently, “Well, back then— a long time before you were born— your mama was a princess named Orihime. She loved to weave, and it was her job to make pretty clothes for all of the gods in heaven. She would always weave by the river called Amanogawa, and she was happy for a while— until she got sad, because she felt lonely. Orihime wanted to get married and have a family, but she couldn’t do that because she didn’t have any new people to meet.”

Ran was so engrossed in the story, hanging on to her father’s every word and nodding along as Kyōjurō continued his tale.

“Then one day, Orihime’s father introduced her to me. Back then, people called me Hikoboshi; and my job was to herd cattle,” He smiled at that, then picked up the story once more, “Your mama was the most beautiful lady I’d ever seen in my life. Her smile was so warm and breathtaking, and everything about her was so perfect. So I asked her to marry me then and there.”

The Rengoku patriarch suppressed a laugh at the memory of him actually proposing marriage to (Y/n) the first time he saw her, and shook his head to clear out the memory of the humorous rejection that she had answered him with. Still, he couldn’t help but smile at the adorable way that she looked as she stuttered out her words.

“We were so happy with each other that we forgot to do our duties. Orihime stopped weaving, and Hikoboshi stopped tending to the cattle; so all of the cows were loose up in heaven. The gods didn’t like that at all, so Orihime’s father separated us,” He sighed wistfully at that, remembering his own struggles when his father-in-law tried to take (Y/n) away from him; all because of his dangerous occupation. “We couldn’t see each other, because I was put on the other side of Amanogawa— but your grandfather agreed to let me and your mama meet on the seventh day of the seventh month of every year. Only, there wasn’t a bridge to let your mama cross over to me.”

“Oh no, papa! Did you swim?” Ran sounded so troubled by it, which made Kyōjurō feel a little bad for stretching the truth as far as he did. But it was too late to take it back at that point, so he just continued, after shaking his head.

“Your mama was crying so much, that it summoned a flock of crows. And they became a bridge that let us meet every year; but when it rained, your mama and I can only look at each other— and wish that we were together.”

“But it’s different now, right? You and mama live together now! Right, papa?” There were tears building up in the corners of Ran’s eyes, which Kyōjurō made disappear by pressing butterfly kisses all over his daughter’s cheeks and forehead— as well as her eyelids, when she’d closed her eyes to will her own tears away.

“Yeah, it’s different now, because we have you,” He reassured softly, all while pulling away the tiniest bit and smiling down at Ran. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me and your mama; our little Ran-chan.”

At that, Kyōjurō pulled his daughter into his arms once more; tucking her head beneath his chin and taking comfort in the way that her tiny arms hugged him in return. He’d thought that moment couldn’t have gotten any better, yet it did when he looked up and spotted his wife crossing the bridge from the other side of the river.

The smitten smile that made its way onto his lips was inevitable; all he could do was succumb to the butterflies in his stomach that fluttered up to his chest, which had his heart feeling so full of love— both for Ran and (Y/n).

And when (Y/n) smiled at him as she stood at the very middle of the bridge, the Flame Hashira found himself whispering, “I love you” right as he looked into those eyes that he loved so much.

(Y/n) couldn’t suppress her answering grin as she read her husband’s lips; watching him as he patted down their daughter’s unruly hair, while his gaze stayed right on her.

However, just as she was about to answer, the wind picked up and had her hair whip around her face— causing her to lift a hand up and tuck the unruly strands behind her left ear. And, instead of answering with a verbal reply, the young woman merely took the hand that she’d used to tidy her hair up, then pressed a kiss to her fingers before blowing it right towards her husband.

Of course, in typical Kyōjurō fashion, he pretended to catch (Y/n)’s kiss with one hand— right before pressing his own fingers to his lips.

Theirs was not a story exactly like Orihime and Hikoboshi’s, but it was something that was much better; much more intricate, and much more special since they were the ones that had tailored it, after all. And they wouldn’t have it any other way.

[bitchin-beskar]

Choices Part 2

Rating: T (Not an M yet, but there are hints of M to come *wink wink*)

Word Count: 3.6k (I know, I’m sorry it’s short, but I really felt like I needed it to end where it did!)

A/N: Kicking off my little follower milestone celebration, here is Part 2 to Choices!!! I promise I won’t make y’all wait as long for Part 3, but I was smack dab in dead week and finals week, and it sucked. I didn’t have the time to write for sooooo long, so now that I’m back, expect more regular updates! My fall quarter doesn’t start til the end of September, so I’ll have a fair bit of time to dedicate to writing (even though I start working again on the 8th). Please, let me know what you guys think!! Your feedback is what motivates me! 

P.S. This chapter takes place immediately after Chapter 1, so you might want to re-read that! It’s linked here!

Tags: @chibi-liz05​, @theocatkov​, @jaa1682-27​, @miscellaneousfangirling, @cosmicbug379​, @marydjarin​, @aliciaxglasgow​, @mxndoscyarika and @perropascal​

If you want to be tagged in any future chapters (or any other works), just let me know!

This fic is in part inspired by the amazing @auty-ren and her amazing story, The Offer, along with @magichandthing​ and this piece of artwork!! Please, go check them out!!!

You’ve died.

You know you’ve died because there is no possible way that what just happened… happened.

You stare dumbly at Din, searching his blank helmet fruitlessly for any sign that you’re not imagining the words that just left his lips. 

“S–Surely you’re not–not serious?” 

Your voice is quiet, meek, and hitches on the end of your sentence. You’re half expecting Din to laugh and pull away, proclaiming that this is all some kind of joke, that Jeye put him up to it, something to explain this madness, but instead Din takes your hand that’s still intertwined with his and lays your palm flat against his bare chest, directly over his beating heart. 

“Do you feel that, mesh’la?” His own voice is calm and soft, not mocking or judgemental, like you were expecting. “My ka’rta belongs to you, and it has since the day we met. I just didn’t know it then.”

You can feel tears spring to your eyes. Jeye had explained a few things to you in your time at the covert, so you knew exactly what Din was talking about. Mandalorians believed their heart and their soul were one and the same, and that their ka’rta could only ever belong to one other person, their riduur. Marriage, in Mandalorian culture, was about ownership. Not the same kind of ownership that Gallan and your village believed in, thank the Maker. Your village believed that a girl was the property of her father, and a woman was the property of her husband. 

While Mandalorians did believe that a woman was her husband’s to own, they also believed that in return, a husband was owned by his wife, although Jeye had been quick to inform you that Mandalorians were also accepting of two men or two woman becoming riddur, although it was less common, since their culture was heavily centered around the creation of children. No one person had more power over the other in a relationship, ever. If one half of a riduurok ever abused their spouse, the tribe stepped in, banishing the abuser and protecting the abused. 

For Din to say that his ka’rta belonged to you was… huge, to say the least. You’d never expected it, not in a million years. 

“Din, I… how?” Your voice nearly broke. “I’m not a Mandalorian, I’ve never sworn the Creed, kriff, I’m still considered an aruetti by members of your tribe! How could you possibly–” Din’s gloved fingers move softly against your cheek, and you realize belatedly that you’re crying. “How could you possibly say that your ka’rta belongs to me?”

Din’s fingers clench tight around yours, holding your hand firmly against his chest. When he speaks, his voice is deep and gravelly and you have to bite your lip to stop yourself from whimpering. “I do not care that you are not Mandalorian. I do not care that you have not sworn the Creed. I do not care what others in the tribe think. I have given my entire life to my tribe, my people. Might I be permitted this small measure of happiness?”

There are still tears streaming down your cheeks, but you barely notice them. “But my Papá–“

“He has already given me permission.”

Your jaw drops. Din talked to your Papá about this? He asked if he could marry you? And your Papá said yes? 

You’re so caught up in your shock that you don't notice Din pulling something from his trouser pocket. But you definitely notice when he holds it up in front of your eyes for you to see. 

It’s a ring. And not just any ring, but your mother’s. You recognized the design instantly. Your mother had worn that gold band every single day without fail. 

“When I talked to your father, he gave me this ring. He said that he and your mother shared so many happy years together, and that he hoped I could bring you that same happiness.”

Din was clearly waiting for your permission, and once you nodded, he slowly took your hand and slid the ring onto your ring finger. 

“I love you, Sarad’ika. And while there are those in my tribe that would insist on a traditional Mandalorian ceremony, I want to make you happy. If you wish to be married in your own customs instead, I will gladly oblige.” 

You’re lost in thought for a moment. While you would love to only get married in the covert, and never have to deal with your old village again, you know that you can’t. A part of you wants your Papá–and maybe Old Nan–to see you get married. Another part of you, a more spiteful part, wants Gallan to see you getting married, if only to show him that the thing he wants most is no longer within his grasp.

“I would love to be married in the covert, Din. But, if you would’t mind, could we also have a ceremony in the village?” 

As Din slowly nods his head, a grin spreads across your lips. You’re feeling giddy and excited, and you still think you might be dreaming, but Din’s right here in front of you, and you’re just so happy.

“Then, yes.”

“W–What?”

This is the first time Din has sounded anything less than absolutely confident, and it makes your heart melt a little bit. 

“Yes, Din Djarin. I will marry you. My heart and soul are yours.” You rest your hand on the side of his helmet–the little clink that your ring makes when it hits the beskar makes you want to grin like an idiot–and bring his forehead once more to rest against yours. 

One of Din’s arms wraps around your waist, crushing you against him, while his other hand buries itself in the hair at the back of your head, holding your forehead firmly against his. Time stands still as you’re wrapped in his arms. You relish in the feeling of his skin against yours, something you’re only feeling just now for the first time. 

 “I don’t want to wait, cyare. Please, do not make me wait a moment more to marry you,” Din begs, his voice breaking as his grip somehow tightens even further. Your throat closes up at the blatant want in his voice, and it makes your heart sing. 

“I would not ask that of you, Din Djarin.” He sighs shakily, and you continue. “I will admit, I do not want to wait a moment longer than absolutely necessary to be your riduur, your wife.” 

Din slowly released your waist, stepping back from you, but still cradling your head in his hand. You can feel his eyes on you, despite the visor blocking you from truly seeing him. “A Mandalorian riduurok does not require much, Sarad’ika, merely a witness for both spouses as they say their vows. Who would you wish–” Din trails off, as you bite your lip and look away. “What is it? What’s wrong?” 

His voice is frantic, and you’re quick to calm him. “Nothing is wrong, Din. I just–” You pause, fiddling with the fabric of your dress, the same one you always wear. “Do you think, maybe, Jeye would be willing–” You leave the question hanging in the air, and are surprised by the sudden laugh Din lets loose. 

“Do I think Jeye would mind?” He chuckled, stroking your cheek with his thumb. “Sweet girl, I think she would love to be your witness.” You smile brightly, praying that Din doesn’t notice how your cheeks heat up at his term of endearment. It’s not one he’s used before, but it immediately lights a fire underneath your skin.

“I wish to ask Paz, so I do believe it will be perfect for them to be our witnesses.” Din sounds so happy, it’s infectious, even though you cannot see his expression. “Let me contact them, it should only take a minute.” 

Din seems to let you go reluctantly, striding across the room to a small table and picking up a device, although it’s only after he presses a button and static fills the room that you realize it’s a comlink. 

As you listen to him call for Paz and Jeye, you look around his rooms, taking in the fact that you’re standing in Din’s private rooms, and more specifically, his bedroom. You can feel your face heating up once more when you realize you’d been sitting upon Din’s bed. You’d never been in a man’s room aside from your own father’s and even then, it had been years since you’d been small enough to crawl into bed with him. 

You’re so lost in your thoughts that you don’t hear Din come up behind you, so you’re startled when a warm arm is wrapped around your waist, pulling you back against his chest with a small oof. You feel the cool beskar resting against the crown of your head, and you can see out of the corner of your eye the sharp horns that curve around the two of you. Instead of feeling afraid, you just feel safe, knowing that Din would never hurt you.

As you rest your hand on his around your waist, you’re startled to feel bare skin. “Mmh, got tired of the gloves, Din?” You lightly run your fingers over the back of his hand, delighting in getting to touch him without any barriers. 

“Wanted to feel you, sweet girl.” His voice is soft, so quiet that it’s not picked up by the modulator in his helmet. If you hadn’t been standing so close to him, you probably wouldn’t have even heard him, but you had, and you feel your knees go weak at his words. His arm is tight around your waist, and you know he won’t let you fall, so you allow yourself to sag against him, releasing a puff of air as you do so.

“Din, you can’t say things like that,” You protest weakly, biting your lip as his other hand rests heavy on your waist, keeping you upright. 

“Why not?”

You want to growl at the mock-innocence in his tone, because you know that he knows exactly what he’s doing to you. 

“Din.” 

Unfortunately, your voice isn’t nearly as strong as you’d like it to be, and you can both hear and feel Din chuckle at your words. Before he can tease you anymore, the two of you hear the door to his chambers open, and two sets of footsteps enter. Din doesn’t let go of you however, not completely, merely loosening his grip so that the two of you can turn to face your guests. 

You watch as Jeye enters first, Paz following behind her like a huge, beskar shadow. You can’t see her face, but you just know that Jeye is wearing a shit-eating grin, and you’re pretty damn sure Paz is too. 

Jeye walks forward, tugging you out of Din’s grasp and into a hug. Paz says something to Din, but you don’t hear what it is, you’re too busy squeezing your friend tightly. She squeezes back just as tight, before letting you go and the both of you turn, catching the tail end of Din and Paz’s embrace. Paz turns to you, and you’re surprised when he steps forward and scoops you into his arms, swinging you wildly around in a circle.

You let out a surprised laugh, clutching tightly to his shoulders as this monster of a man lifts you as though you weigh nothing. He laughs as well, a deep belly laugh that you can feel, and it makes you so happy.

Paz finally sets you down, his large hands cupping your shoulders. “Congratulations, vod’ika,” he rumbles. “Din couldn’t have found anyone better for a riduur.” 

You hear Jeye suck in a breath, and you look at her, but her helmet is focused on Paz. You look back at him when his hands drop suddenly from your shoulders. You can tell by his posture that something’s wrong. 

“Paz? Paz, what is it?” You ask him softly, but he doesn’t answer. You turn helplessly to Din, desperate to know what just occurred. “Din?”

You hear Paz start, “Bury’ca, don’t–” but Din is already speaking.

“He’s worried he offended you, Sarad’ika.” You’re confused, how could Paz have possibly offended you? Din sees your confusion and elaborates. “Vod’ika, in our language, means little sister.” 

You gasp, throwing your hands over your mouth in shock. Spinning to face Paz, you stare at him, this man who you’ve just met today, but it feels like you’ve known him forever. Paz must see the tears in your eyes because he tries to apologize, but he barely gets one word out before you throw yourself into his arms, forcing him to catch you.

He stumbles back, surprised at the assault, but his arms come up tentatively around you nonetheless. “Paz,” you gasp, clinging tightly to him. “I’ve never had a brother,” you whisper, feeling completely overwhelmed with emotion. Paz’s arms tighten around you, and he leans his head against yours gently. 

You were an only child, your mother dying before she could give you any siblings. It had never bothered you until one day you’d seen children playing in the village, brothers and sisters running around, having fun. You’d tried to join, but they’d jeered and laughed, called you a freak before running away. You’d gone running home to your Papá, demanding a sibling, and when your Papá had told you that only your Mamá could have given you one–but she was gone now, and couldn’t–you’d cried. 

That Paz already saw you as a little sister made you feel about ten feet tall, and you couldn’t contain your excitement, even if you’d tried. You finally let Paz go, the smile on your face shining brighter than the sun. 

Din holds his hand out to you, and you place your hand in his, letting him pull you to stand in front of him, face to face. You figure Din must have explained already to Paz and Jeye, because they take their places next to the both of you without any prompting. Paz places a hand on Din’s pauldron, and Jeye places her hand on your own shoulder.

“Are the both of you ready?” When both Din and you nod, Paz continues. “Din will say the vow first, and then you’ll repeat after him, okay Sarad’ika?” You nod once more, hardly able to believe this is happening. It’s been a little more than a month since you first met Din, and now you’re about to marry him. It’s only a little overwhelming.

“Mhi solus tome, mhi solus dar’tome.”

“We are one when together, we are one when parted.”

“Mhi me’dinui an, mhi ba’juri verde.”

“We will share all, we will raise warriors.”

Din squeezes your hand with each vow, and you squeeze in return as you slowly repeat the words, with Jeye whispering their meaning in Basic as Din speaks, so you know what it is he’s saying, and what you are repeating back. It’s more beautiful than you would have expected, although you feel flustered at the last line of the vow, about raising warriors. You’d never planned on having kids, but that had been when your only options for a husband had been men from the village. You don’t think you’d mind if you had kids, as long as they were half of Din.

Paz says something to Din, but you’re distracted by Jeye pulling you into another hug. “Welcome, Sarad’ika,” she whispers. “You’re aliit, now.” You smile, squeezing one last time before you release her. The two of them leave rather abruptly, and you realize as you watch them leave, that you’re alone in the bedroom with Din. With your husband.

You’re about to turn to Din–although you have no idea what to say–when you hear a soft hissing sound. There’s a small click, like a latch coming undone, and then you hear the unmistakable sound of beskar being set on the wooden table. Immediately, you clench your eyes shut, panic filling you.

“Din!” You hiss, keeping your back turned to him. “What are you doing?” 

There’s a heavy pause, and then a hand lands on your shoulder, spinning you around gently, although you keep your eyes clenched shut. “Sarad’ika?” Din sounds confused, and you wanted to smack him. “What’s wrong?” 

“What’s wrong? What’s wrong?” Your voice gets a little louder with each panicked word. “Din, I’m not allowed to see your face!”

Your breath comes in pants, worry coursing through you. You’re so focused on not opening your eyes that you’re startled when Din pulls you into his arms, and you feel his lips press against your forehead. He doesn’t say anything for a long moment, just holds you close, and you can’t help but relax slightly.

“Sarad’ika, ner riduur, my wife,” he murmurs, lips brushing against your skin. “Sweet girl, you are the only one allowed so see my face. Did Jeye not tell you so?” 

You shake your head slowly, but keep your eyes closed, half-afraid that this is a dream. “Din, are–are you sure? Because once you do this, you can’t go back, and I don’t want you to regret it, I don’t want you to resent–”

Din gently covers your mouth with his hand, halting your protests. “I could never resent you,” he murmured, his lips still pressed against your forehead. “You’ve brought me more joy and happiness that I ever thought I could experience in one lifetime. If there is one person I want to see my face, it’s you, Sarad’ika.” 

You’re still hesitant, but as Din squeezes your waist, you slowly open your eyes. You’re staring at his chest, and you bite your lip, still afraid to look up. Din gently grips your chin between his thumb and forefinger, slowly tilting your head up until you’re finally looking at his face. 

Despite your previous hesitance, your eyes greedily roam over Din’s face as soon as they land on him. You’re almost… surprised by how gorgeous he is. His hair and his eyes are dark. And somehow, it’s exactly how you pictured. There’s scruff on his cheeks, and you run the tips of your fingers over the hair, marvelling at how it feels. You cup Din’s cheek and finally meet his eyes, grinning shyly as he smiles at you. You slowly brush the fingers of your other hand over his lips, still stretched into a grin. The grin fades, and his eyes seem to darken. 

He tilts your face up just slightly, a whisper passing between his lips and brushing against your fingers. “May I?” Your agreement barely rests in the air before Din is pressing his lips against yours. 

You’d overheard some of the girls in the village talk about how it felt to have a first kiss, how it felt when their lips first touched, the ‘sparks’ that flew. You’d always dismissed them and their ramblings, in part because you’d never been even remotely attracted to any of the men in your village. You’d always thought that if you ended up with a husband, it would be a practical match, not a romantic one, and you’d grown resigned to the fact that you weren’t likely to ever experience the ‘sparks’ the other girls always raved about.

You weren’t upset to be proven wrong.

Din’s lips were soft, though somewhat chapped, but it hardly mattered. He pressed his lips gently against yours at first, waiting for you to respond before moving any further. When you cautiously moved your lips against his, a silent approval, he immediately deepens the kiss. 

His fingers left your chin to cradle the side of your face, angling your head as his lips slotted against yours. The kiss wasn’t rushed or hurried, but you felt your heart beginning to race all the same. His other arm was firm around your waist, and you weren’t sure you could escape, though you didn’t want to. 

You slowly moved your hands from his cheeks to his hair, running your fingers through the dark strands. His hair had been messy to begin with, from being in a helmet all day, but you were sure it looked even worse now as you gripped the strands tightly. 

He groaned, the sound reverberating through his chest, and you grinned victoriously against his lips. In retaliation, Din dipped you slightly, his lips never leaving yours, forcing you to grasp at his shoulders for balance. 

He kissed you until you were breathless, and it was only once you thought you might pass out from lack of air that you pulled away. Din didn’t let you go far though, resting his bare forehead against yours. 

“Sarad’ika, you have to tell me to stop.”

His breath brushed against your spit-slicked lips, cooling the skin that had heated from the arduous kiss. You felt a sense of pride that Din was just as breathless as you, although his words confused you.

“Why would I want you to stop, Din?”

Another groan left his lips at your words, and he couldn’t resist pressing a quick kiss against your lips. “Because, mesh’la,” he said. “I don’t want to push you. I don’t want you to feel pressured into anything you don’t want.” 

You laughed, still somewhat breathless. Stupid, clueless, noble Mandalorian. “Din, are we not married?” You waited for him to nod before continuing. “Even though I may not have ever expected that I would marry, that does not mean that I am unaware of what usually takes place between married couples.” Once more, you waited for Din to acknowledge your words. 

“I desire more than just the appearance of marriage, Din Djarin. I am giving you permission. I am now your wife, in mind, soul, and body. I want this. I want you.”

[imaginethathaikyuu]

How did I find your blog? I was looking for soft Kuroo content on google. And your soft birthday hc’s for him came up. And that’s also how I found tumblr

What was the first story of yours that I read? That Kuroo piece ^

Roughly, how long have I been following this blog? Well I found that piece shortly after it was posted so…. Around the beginning of December 2019 I think. Got a tumblr a few months later and you were the first person I followed (had you in my bookmarks bar before that! (still have you in my bookmarks bar and when I share my screen in classes there are occasionally questions. I ignore them))

What’s something I’ve noticed about you personality wise? You’re really clever and funny. But you’re also sweet. But because you’re clever you have no hesitation in setting up and enforcing your boundaries, and I really admire that strength and confidence.

Have we ever interacted, either by PM, ask, or in the comments? What was my perception of you? YES!!! PM, SOOOOO many asks, comments, and you sent me an ask. And reblogged it. And I cried. A lot. My perception: you’re lovely and I want to h*ld your h*nd ….please.

What’s my favorite story of yours? Oh how to choose. Firstly, I’m a nb, biracial, bisexual. Honey, I’ve never made a choice in my life. But let’s try here. Anything you’ve written for Tsukki. Literally all of it is gold. Fight me. I was going to write “especially [piece title]” but I LITERALLY CANNOT CHOOSE ONE. Your Bokuto nightmare piece. Your Kuroo angsty fight. Your Tendou dealing with S/O with parents who yell piece. Your Kinktobers. Your Futakuchi and Mattsun pieces. And your Terushima pieces. Ugh. I CANNOT CHOOSE. OH AND YOUR STREAMER KENMA!!!!!! OKay just… all of it. I can’t choose. I tried, and I failed, and I’m willing to admit failure.

What’s a story I’d love to see you write? I don’t want to say this… because it hurts me… but I just KNOW you’d write brilliant angst. Some of my fav pieces of yours are pained beginnings with happy endings. That fight with Tsukki after a bad day at work. The pieces I mentioned above (nightmare pieces and fighting pieces and angsty home life ha.. ha.ha.ha.). That Oikawa one where the reader wakes up in bed without him and thinks he left. You write these gorgeous atmospheres and descriptive, visceral feelings, and if you chose to use it for evil…. You could get evil shit done. You’re SO powerful. So I want to read it… but also…. I don’t. I’d love to see you write ABO like you mentioned a while back or just see you explore a cutesy soulmate AU or something. I think you’d be really good at writing an AU where you hear what the other person’s listening too. I feel like you’d be so good at making me feel something for someone who was in another city. (think this would be cute with Tsukki cos he’s headphones boy, OR terushima because I like the dynamic of someone flirty, who clearly cares about looks, falling for someone he can’t see) ANYWAY….

Favorite pairing you write for?/fav reader insert? Tsukishima x reader. It’s my fav self-ship. (but also Mattsun, Bokuto, Oikawa, Tanaka, and Akaashi because you write them SO WELL!!!!)

Have any of your stories helped me through a hard time? Of course. Your self-harm piece came at a time I needed it. Iwaizumi’s in particular saved my life. But also your Tendou dealing with S/O parents who fight… came right when I needed it. Also starting college… was hard.. And reading and rereading your fluff really pulled me through it.

Have any of your stories hit closer to home? YES (see above).

Do I genuinely like your blog, it’s aesthetic or posts? It’s overall feel? It’s content? Yes. The aesthetic is, ngl, a wee bit basic. But I kinda love that. And the feel? It feels like home. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Your blog is my safe space. So, yes, I love. It’s content? YES. OF COURSE. Your personality probably could have kept me here even if your content was kinda shit, but I follow you RELIGIOUSLY because of your content. So yes. I adore.

Is English my first language? Kinda??? I grew up in a trilingual household so I kinda learned three languages at the same time while growing up. But no, I don’t need to translate it in my head. Because English was one of the three.

Anything I want to share? Yes. Please keep being kind to yourself, caring for your mental health, enforcing your boundaries, loving Akaashi, and just generally being you. You’re so lovely as you are, and I hope you continue grow, but never change. Also I’m sorry about all your work stuff…. It literally makes me feel sick. And I hope you find a job where that’s not tolerated, or that your work finds a better way of protecting it’s employees. I know you know this, but none of it is your fault. I just hope things improve. AND I love you… a lot. And I’m so proud of you hitting 9K and you deserve so many more followers because your pieces are just... GORGEOUS. I can’t wait until I’m at Barnes and Noble in a few years and I can pick up a hardback copy of your debut novel. I’m so excited to say “I knew Em Akaashi (which is your legal name as far as I’m concerned) before she was so popular among the masses.”

so ive been trying to figure out the correct and worthy way to reply to this ask since the moment i got it......because its so fucking sweet and kind and amazing and pure and perfect and i just dont know how to use WORDS to explain the way it makes me feel so.......i will just reply in bullet points in regards to every question u answered to make it a lil easier :D

- the fact that u found my blog on google ....... like this may be odd and a very specific thing but before i made this blog i always hoped that 1 day my fanfic would pop up in google searches bc thats ALWAYS how i found fics when i was reading them religiously and i felt so much ENVY!!!!! LIKE I WANTED TO BE THERE I WANTED MY FICS TO B POPULAR ENOUGH TO POP UP ON GOOGLE.....that may sound very selfish but its true......so thats just very cool to me... :]

- u’ve been here for so long omg 🥺🥺🥺🥺 if anyone in ur classes ever asks jus promo my blog like its nbd 

- thats so sweet what 🥺🥺🥺 i try my best to advocate for myself and be confident for myself.....ive spent far too much of my time being silently uncomfortable because i was afraid of pushing someone’s buttons seeming rude.....but NO MORE!!!! i know what upsets me, i know my triggers, i know what i dislike experiencing, and im never gonna let myself be anxious or uncomfortable for someone else’s sake, esp if theyre being rude 2 me. i would say its less strength and confidence and moreso me attempting to take control of my anxiety in the places i can (aka on the Internet) bc i am SICK OF ANXIETY ATTACKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

- BBY no dont CRY!!!! im racking my brain trying to think of who u are i wanna know so bad so i can thank u personally for being the kindest person in the world n so i can send u more asks >:(........MY HAND IS URS TO HOLD!!!!! dont tell akaashi tho 

- OMG my TSUKKI pieces.....hes so hard to write why ;-; thank u so much im so glad u enjoy my works<3333

- NOT ANGST NOT LIKE THIS!!!!!!!!! pained beginnings to happy endings are my specialty.....IMAGINE me writing a sad ending like i CANT!!!!!!!!! ive only done it a few times and it is so Difficult.....YALL ARE SO LUCKY IM NOT EVIL!!!!!! ive had this idea for an angsty akaashi fic that i think about and write in my head every night before falling asleep and it Hurts and i wanna write it but i also can’t make myself :D ABO would be very fun but i genuinely do not know how to explore the concept while making it feel like it’s Written By Me.....u know what i mean? same with soulmate aus, i really dislike writing them because theyre just boring to me like they all feel the same everything’s been done for them.....which is FINE!!! but i write enough cliche stuff as it is HAHA, a long distance type soulmate au could be fun and interesting but ldr’s trigger me bc of a past relationship so </3 but hey maybe someone else could use the idea!!!!!

- gotta love tsukishima <3

- im rlly glad my writing could be there for you friend, one of the biggest reasons i write fanfic (and write the kind of fics i write) is bc i know firsthand how much reading sweet stories abt ur comfort characters can help u through the shittiest times - i just wanna offer ppl some support and happy feelings and love cuz sometimes fanfic is the only time we can find those things (and theres nothing shameful abt that either if anyone bullies u for reading fanfic i will fight them)

- I KNOW MY LAYOUT IS LAZY AND BASIC AS FUCK AND THAT IS BECAUSE I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT LMAOOOO so im glad u think its ok...... like i dont have the patience to create a fancy ass layout that actually works are u KIDDING ME??????? I COULD LITERALLY NEVER plus i kinda like that its just the basic kinda ugly boring default layout like it makes it simple and easy and i feel like it brings focus to the only thing on this blog that i care about which is my writing, i rlly only care about the content here and not aesthetics jdbljdabsdk that blue background will be there til i Die......i adore u more btw 

- WHOA trilingual what the hell ur so cool tell me more 

- you have my word, friend, that i will continue to do all of that so long as you do the same. take care of yourself, be kind to yourself - i know u can do it, ur so kind to others and u deserve to be kind to urself, too so this is the part that genuinely brought me to tears because *sappy dumb shit ahead* ok look ever since i can remember the one and only thing ive wanted to do with my life is become an author ...... dreams of book covers with my name written on them and words in pages written by me and fanart of my characters and going into my local bookstore n seeing my book there....these thoughts all haunt my fucking brain because i want it SO BAD!!!!!!!! so bad that it makes me CRY!!!!!!!! ive never wanted something more and just!!!!!!!!!!!! idk how much u meant that part but holy fuck!!!!!! i hope so bad that one day i can send u a free copy of my book as a thank u for being the person u are. u have all my love friend, every last bit of it <333333333

[comicnerd557]

Obey Me! Boys with and S/O who has ADHD

Lucifer- 

Honestly, he would have a pretty hard time with this. 

Lucifer is very Type A, and when his S/O is in lala land, he isn’t happy. 

He mainly worries about his reputation and how his S/O would affect it. Lucifer is a busy man. 

He is Lord Diavolo’s right hand man, and if you fail at your job of being a student, it reflects on him.

However, he still cares about you, and would take time to make sure you weren’t struggling in any way shape or form.

Also, if you experience RSD, he would make sure NO ONE said anything bad about you

lest they face the wrath of Lucifer

Plus, you are way less annoying in his eyes than Mammon so even if you get hyper

He’s used to it

Mom mode activated

Mammon- 

Oh god

Our boy has to be the responsible one?!

I’m not gonna sugar coat this

You will probably end up as his accomplice

He knows Lucifer won’t yell at you in fear of making you cry

Totally uses that to his advantage

If you go somewhere with him and wander off

He's gonna fucking panic man

“MC?! MC WHERE DID YOU GO?!” 

Cue totally confused demons around him, watching as The Great Mammon pretty much has a panic attack

When he does find you, prepare for a small earful

“Why would you wander off like that MC? Ya know how worried I was! If you got eaten, Lucifer would have my ass!” 

The scolding however, would stop the instant he saw tears in your eyes

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” *Panicked boi*

“Here, just… Hold my hand. You should be honored I’m letting you.”

It’s chaotic but it works

Leviathan-

I don’t think Levi would even notice for a longgggg time

And even then, he only would when you kept spacing out as he explained Ruri-chan’s newest outfit to you

He’s offended

Do you not care about him? 

Of course not, he’s a lowly Otaku, why would you?

When he starts to backtrack, you apologize and explain

…

Lightbulb for Levi

“THAT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE!”

Cue excited rambling from our favorite nerd about how cute you look zoned out

Totally down to learn about your new hyperfocus subject

You like KPOP? Good, talk to him about how your idol deserves the world.

Read a new book? Give him all the plot details, He’ll listen patiently

As long as you don’t mind him butting in on occasion

Satan-

It annoyed Satan at first

How fragile you seemed

How you teared up anytime someone said something even slightly rude

However, he slowly began to love it 

It reminded him of a cat in ways

How you stared at one piece of wall for hours

He would 100% remind you about basic things you needed to do

“Did you finish your homework?”

“Have you taken your meds today?”

“You haven’t had a glass of water in a full four hours. Here’s one.”

Yup.

He is basically mom

Does TONS of research on how to help you the most 

Sweet baby

Heaven forbid someone activate your RSD

He would very calmly put you in his room before pretty much destroying the poor soul with his anger

After, he would bring you your favorite snack and read to you for comfort

Asmodeus-

He loves this so much

Especially on your zone out days

He could do your makeup and hair for hours without a single complaint

Not to mention, he tries sooooo hard to be your new hyper focus subject

It works a lot. 

Asmo would make sure you got enough sleep at night 

While Satan takes care of everything else, He takes care of your hygiene

He would brush your hair every chance given to him

Wash your face

Brush your teeth

He even offered to shower with you a few times

You knew however, if he did join, nothing would be getting cleaned…

Anywho

This sweet baby doesn’t care

Just don’t interrupt his beauty sleep

Then he gets a little cranky

Beelzebub- 

Probably won’t be able to tell either

The chillest one out of them all

“ADHD? That’s where you can’t focus, right? Okay, cool. Want some fried Newt?”

Pretty much how it went. 

He would be in charge of making sure you ate, as the very thought of you being hungry and not eating makes him upset

“What do you mean you haven’t eaten? It’s 4 pm. Here, have some chips.”

He doesn’t exactly give you healthy food, but oh well. 

100% the best at helping with RSD

While the others are throwing hands with the demon who decided to insult you

He is protecting and hugging you with his large as fuck body

You want cuddles cause you're sad? 

Fine by him

Want to suddenly go on a run? 

Sure, he’s just gotta pack some snacks first

He’s just perfection

I love him

Belphegor-

Dude finds it really annoying like Satan

For a while at least

Especially when he is still locked up

“Did you get anymore pacts?”

“No, I forgot. I did make you this dope ass friendship bracelet though.”

Cue steam from his ears

However

Once he realizes Humans aren’t evil

He finds it so cute

“Look, Beel, they haven’t blinked in four minutes.”

Pretty much uses you as his entertainment when he is awake

However, dude loves napping with you man

ADHD makes you pretty much always tired

For me anyway

And this sleepy bitch LOVES that about you

He’s surprisingly a good cuddle buddy

Will definitely pull you back down if you try and get up.

Just a solid wholesome baby

Taglist: @boy9wolf

[fieryanmitsu]

Worthy | A3! Rare Pairs Week 2020 – Day 1 (Itaru/Izumi)

I AM SO LATE, but welcome to my first entry for the A3! Rare Pairs Week 2020!

This writing event is being hosted by @A3!_69min on Twitter and AO3 and focuses on writing romantic fics for unpopular A3! pairings. As it happens, every single Izumi pairing except Sakyo/Izumi is a rare pair per the event’s definition of rare pair.

SO, MY GOAL IS TO WRITE IZUMI SHIPS ALL WEEK!

Of course, I’m starting off with my OTP – I love ItaIzu so much, I’ll take any excuse to write them.

WORTHY

PROMPTS: Adoration / Jealousy

CHARACTERS: Itaru Chigasaki, Izumi Tachibana

PAIRINGS: Itaru/Izumi

My fanfic masterpost: Here

AO3: Link in my Blog Menu

Izumi was curious.

The question had been on her mind all day since her conversation with Muku over breakfast. The middle schooler had been excitedly telling her all about the shojo manga he was currently reading. Apparently, he hadn’t slept well the night before because he had gotten worked up over the latest chapter.

“You’re staring a hole into my head,” her boyfriend remarked suddenly, though his eyes never left the television screen in front of him, his thumbs flying across his controller.

Itaru was playing some kind of action-adventure game and was currently exploring an underground dungeon with his character. Ever since she had mentioned that she liked the background music, he played this particular game whenever he had to wait for her to finish reviewing her post-rehearsal notes.

“Oh, sorry – I was just… curious about something. But, it’s a bit, er, awkward to ask about…” Izumi responded, one hand fidgeting with the pages of her notebook and the other absentmindedly poking the back of her pen into the Poyo – some pink, round mascot character that Itaru liked – cushion on her lap.

“Oh? Why don’t you try me?”

“Well… I was talking to Muku this morning about the shojo manga he’s reading. There was a scene where the rival character was confessing to the heroine. It was apparently a very heartfelt and passionate declaration of love. Something about how even seeing her with the other guy made his heart feel like it was being torn apart by knives. And that he hated seeing her cry because of that other guy and that he’d give up everything to whisk her away and make her happy. It ended with him asking the heroine to pick him instead.”

“Ahhh, yeah, that’s a classic. Never fails to stir up the fans,” Itaru responded with a knowing nod.

“And then, Muku gave me a 20-minute seminar on classic shojo jealousy scenes and, uh, well… They were more, um, thrilling than I expected? Sooooo, it kinda just, you know… made me wonder,” Izumi stiltedly blurted out. She couldn’t believe she was going to ask him this – her face was already flushed with embarrassment. Maybe Muku’s starry-eyed wonder was contagious. “Do you, umm… ever get jealous of seeing me with other guys?”

“Uh… I’m not sure how to tell you this, but you have twenty other guys, twenty-one if you count Kamekichi, hanging off you – sometimes literally – every single day. If I got jealous every time one of them sat next to you, I’d be six-feet under already.”

“Okay, yeah, that was dumb question – let me rephrase it!” Izumi backpedaled frantically. “What would you do if someone else confessed their love to me – like they were trying to steal me away? Would you be jealous? Would you fly into a blind rage? Or pin me against a wall and forcefully kiss me?! Or barge in and passionately declare: ‘Choose me, not him’?!”

“Man, you really are starting to sound like Muku – all of those options sound awful, by the way. But, in all seriousness, I, uh… don’t think that would ever happen,” he responded with a nervous chuckle.

Izumi felt herself deflate a bit, unable to help feeling just a teensy bit disappointed that he had shot down her fantasies so quickly. At the same time, she wasn’t sure that she could even imagine him acting that way. She just felt like… it wouldn’t be Itaru anymore – and that thought also made her feel uncomfortable. Maybe this whole jealousy thing wasn’t as exciting as she had thought it would be a few minutes ago.

As her thoughts came full circle, she suddenly heard an odd sound from the television. She had been watching Itaru play this game for a few days now and recognized the sounds his character made when he was dying. Thinking that he was losing against a boss, Izumi glanced at the screen and saw that he was just fighting a bunch of normal enemies. She noted that the usual boss music wasn’t playing, either. Yet, his health bar was slowly, but surely, depleting.

Thinking it was strange for him to be playing so badly, Izumi shifted her attention from the television screen to look at Itaru. What she saw made the blood in her veins turn to ice. Unceremoniously throwing her notebook and poor Poyo to the floor, she practically hurled her body across the empty space between them.

Itaru had taught her the basics of how to use his GameStation when she had borrowed a Blu-ray movie from a friend, and she knew that, if she pressed the middle button on his controller, it would bring the user back to the home screen. Reaching over his arm, she pushed down on the middle button and a blue screen immediately popped up, effectively pausing the game. Gently prying the controller away from Itaru’s limp hands, she set it down on his coffee table before she turned off the television screen.

“Itaru, what’s wrong?” she asked worriedly, placing a hand on one of his arms and squeezing it gently.

The salaryman’s brow was furrowed, and he kept his face averted from hers, gaze trained on the floor. Even from his profile, she could see that his mouth was set in a firm and tight line. It had been a long time since she’d seen him make this expression.

“You’re not going to like what I’m about to say,” he responded after a long pause.

Izumi could feel her stomach drop. She had heard those words before – it had been right before her last breakup. She had thought things were going well between them, but maybe she was wrong…?

“Why don’t you try me?” she prompted, trying to keep her voice light as she imitated his words from earlier.

At the same time, she did her best to brace her heart, despite that it was starting to beat erratically. Whatever he said, she would graciously accept it – telling herself that she couldn’t afford to have things be awkward between them.

“Getting jealous over someone… it only happens when you don’t want them taken away from you, right?” Itaru said slowly, deliberately. “So… I don’t think I could ever be jealous… because… I… I don’t feel that way.”

Izumi couldn’t have possibly braced hard enough for that kind of impact. She could feel a hot feeling well up in her throat and tears were already prickling at the back of her eyes.

“Does… Does that mean you don’t want to be with me, anymore?” she asked, unable to help the waver in her voice.

Her question hung in the air unanswered as she watched him clench and unclench his hands on his lap, his eyes still stuck on the floor.

“Itaru, will you look at me? Please?” she begged. She was starting to feel light-headed and she just… She just needed to ground herself somehow.

After a long moment, he shifted his position to angle himself towards her on the couch, though his eyes remained downcast.

Izumi gently cupped his face in her hands and lifted his head to level with her own. She could feel his jaw clenched beneath her palms.

“Itaru, talk to me,” she coaxed gently, fighting to keep her voice steady. “What did you mean earlier?”

Though he didn’t move her hands away, he continued to avert his eyes.

“I… I can’t be jealous,” he began quietly. “Because… if someone else confessed to you, it’d be better that way. I’d be happy.”

“Why would you say that?” Izumi demanded, her tone coming out harsher than she had intended. She inhaled deeply to try and calm herself, though her brain was still rattled by his words. “Weren’t you the one who confessed to me first, Itaru? You asked me to give you a chance, so why would you think that way?”

A long moment passed between them in silence, but Izumi could see Itaru’s emotions warring on his face. She didn’t dare breathe until he finally opened his mouth again.

“Sometimes… I think it was a mistake that I asked you out,” he said quietly, his voice cracking as he continued on. “The more time I spend with you… the more I think about how… how you deserve someone better than me.”

Suddenly, she felt a wet sensation tickle against her fingers. As tears fell from his magenta-coloured eyes, Izumi was struck by several emotions.

The first was awe. For the first time, she understood what it meant when people said that there were beautiful criers. Though she knew that it was morbid, at that moment, she truly thought that Itaru was the most beautiful man she had ever seen, even as tears blotted his cheeks and turned his eyes red.

The second was sorrow. She felt unspeakable sadness that this person before her had struggled through so much in his life that he felt unworthy of being with someone he professed to love and thought that she would be better off without him.

Anger was the third. She was angry at herself for being unable to reassure him, to stop him from feeling this way despite the amount of time they had already spent together.

Last of all, she felt a surge of… something. She had only been in a couple of casual relationships before, and none of them as passionate as the one she had experienced with Itaru in the past half a year. Nor were any of them as comfortable as what she felt when she was with him. Spending time with Itaru both calmed her and brought butterflies to her stomach. Never in her life had she felt like she mattered as much as she did than when this man looked at her.

Was this love? She didn’t know, since she had no landmark to compare it against. But, what she was sure of was that she didn’t want to see Itaru look this way. She wanted to see him with his usual crooked smirk, just like the one he always gave when he teased her. She wanted to see his eyes crinkle like they did when he won a game. She wanted to see a smile on his face – like the one that bloomed across his face whenever the curtains fell after a successful Spring Troupe performance.

 She didn’t know when it had started, but she was crying as well.

 “Itaru,” she started, ignoring the salty taste in her mouth as her tears rolled past her lips, turning his face in an attempt to meet his gaze. “You… You don’t mean that, do you.”

 “I do,” he said firmly, still refusing to look her in the eye. Instead, he took her hands in his and removed it from his face – but rather than letting them go, his fingers squeezed hers tightly.

“No, you don’t,” she replied just as forcefully, finding her footing again as her heart resolved itself. “Because if you did, then you wouldn’t look so torn right now. Your hands wouldn’t be shaking. If you would truly be happy to have someone take me away from you, then you wouldn’t have been dying against enemies that you can usually beat in your sleep.”

 Itaru closed his eyes, as if he were wincing in pain.

 “Itaru, please. Don’t push me away.”

 A fresh stream of tears rolled down his face as he let out a rasping breath, shoulders shaking.

 “Did you know, the look on your face just now was so similar to when you told me you wanted to quit the troupe? You couldn’t look at me when I asked you to admit that you weren’t interested in theatre – that you didn’t care about performing with the others,” she said softly, using her thumb to wipe away the tears streaking his face.

 As a quiet sob tore its way out of Itaru’s throat, he leaned forward and buried his head against her shoulder, quickly soaking the material of her shirt. Letting her own tears fall, she lightly ran her fingers through his hair.

 “I… I want… to be with you… I want to feel worthy of you,” he gasped out in between sobs.

 “Itaru, I’m not some deity on a pedestal. I’m just a regular person, like you. You don’t have to be worthy of anything to be with me,” she replied.

 She felt him shake his head against her shoulder, his hair tickling against her chin.

 “If you still think that way, then… then let me tell you what I told you once before. Give yourself a little more time,” Izumi said, wrapping her arms around him, and nuzzling her face into his hair. “You owe it to yourself to keep trying. And… it’s not all on you. I’ll keep trying, too. I want to be a person that’s worthy of your efforts.”

 Then, after a long moment cradled in her arms, Itaru slowly lifted his head and finally allowed his red-rimmed eyes to meet hers, a small, lop-sided smile sneaking its way onto his lips.

 “Well… then I hope you’re ready to accept responsibility for your actions again.”

 “Of course!”

I had hoped to put this out on the actual first day of this week, but I kept rewriting it because I wasn’t satisfied with it. Even now, I’m not completely pleased with the finished product, but, I honestly don’t know how long it would take me to finish writing if I kept mulling over it! So, I decided to finally just settle with this version and post it and not look back!!

 In the end, I still got my central point across: which is that I wanted to write about how and why someone doesn’t feel jealous in a romantic relationship. And, so, this happened, haha. But, I didn’t want a sad ending, so I ended up on a hopeful note.

 Anyway, I APPARENTLY ONLY WRITE ITAIZU ANGST. I’m so sorry, Itaru – I’ll do you right next time!! No, really, HAHA. My entry for Day 2 (which will hopefully get written out in the next couple of days) is another ItaIzu and it’s NOT sad, I promise. In fact, it’s just PWP, LOLOL.

 If you liked my first entry, please do stick around for my other pieces for “A3! Rare Pairs Week 2020”! After my ItaIzu for Day 2, I’ll be moving on to other Izumi pairings. It’s a secret for now which pairings will all be covered in the end, but I’m here to spread the Izumi love!!

 Thank you for reading and please do leave a comment letting me know what you think! Any reblogs are always greatly appreciated and would really help me out!

 I hope to see you again! Bye for now!

 -Anmitsu

[oikawa13]

love in the time of köttbullar

Shouyou sets the bowl on the tiny table with a flourish and an itadakimasu! and this is when it hits Atsumu harder than a Skurup to the temple:He wants this. Shouyou, hip cocked against the miniature kitchen countertop, smiling shyly up at Atsumu through the amber fan of his lashes, beautiful god-boy-man somehow glowing gold even under the buzzy LED lighting. Though they’re standing in a 430,000 square foot warehouse in Tsurumachi, Atsumu’s looking at Shouyou, and he’s home.

Amid the Flärdfull and the Smörboll, Miya Atsumu falls a little more in love.

words: 3,378 | rating: T

i’ve never been inside an ikea so this fic quite literally changed me as a person. sometimes loving a person is as scary as saying that first i love you!!!! and sometimes... love is easy as saying i love you at an ikea ; ;

LAUNCHING MERRILY DOWN THE PATH OF SIN (THE FIRST TIME)

"Bokuto said I should bring you home. But I don’t know where you live. So I took you here.”

“To hell?”

"No, Atsumu-san. To my apartment."

words: 1,990 | rating T

i wake up in the middle of the night thinking about this fic and then go on ao3 to reread it again its just so fdjgfhdjf good. i think about this shoyo a lot. theres something!!!! very dreamy going on here. this is the first part to a series btw, you can read them all if you want since theyre probably all around 1k :-)

lord i no longer believe in anything but the way he holds my name between his teeth

The miracle of the rabbit on the moon.

“We took this photo at their seventh birthday party. His father baked a cake. But someone ate all the jellybeans off the top before they could even sing the birthday song. That’s why Atsumu cried. He used to cry a lot. It stopped when the twins found out about volleyball, but before that Atsumu would cry over everything. Spilled milk. A skinned knee. The neighbor’s dog. He was the twin that was scared of paper straws. It's funny how things have changed.

“He looks happier now. Did you do that?”

words: 10,456 | rating: T

so, this goes just a liiiiitle past 10k so its up to you if you want to read it or not, i just thought i’d include it since its so! close! lol theres this part!!!!! they are holding hands underneath the table!!!!!!!!! atsumu are you drunk?!!! no!!!!! hes just so stupidly in love with shoyo. i cant stand them!!!!!!!!!!!

wait for it, wait for it

The notifications are up at 100+ again and Hana wants to check it quickly to make sure nothing's wrong, especially because she'd just cleared them before the media scrum. The fans, she figured, must be overjoyed with the win.Congratulations MSBY Nation!!! the first reply reads. #myspiker #atsuhinaBoth tags, she finds, are currently trending in Japan.

Five times #atsuhina trended on volleyball Twitter and one time it should have (but luckily didn't), as told by the MSBY Black Jackals' junior publicist

words: 6,043 | rating: T

this fic is SOOOOO much fun!!!!!! also i love hana, idk if i ever mentioned that before but yeah. this is like... hdjkdhgjfd so much ; ; <3

south of an early summer

Warmth, then, was being wanted back. Two weeks later, Atsumu holds that warmth in by Shouyou’s waist; he watches it, how it sleeps, and wonders what the heat will become next.

words: 2,602 | rating T | tw: atsumu being atsumu about (past) kg/hn for a split second

IF i wasnt an absolute fool and gave you all these recommendations to pick and choose from id just send you this and the walking emoji bc honestly!!!!!!!!! i may not know what the heck romantic means but i see this and maybe it is romantic! maybe its not the average romantic idk?!!!! but i do know theres something beautiful here. love ?? ; ;

truths in two’s

Shouyou leaves for Brazil in two hours.

words: 8,300 | rating: T

LDR.... but like, in probably one of the easiest 2 breathe/good feeling fic for ldr!!!! idk im a baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ten reasons to break up with me: a love letter

1. It has to be you, ‘cause I won’t.

words: 4,197 | rating: T

pls....... i cant even THINK about this fic without crying okay!!!!!!!! insane. fuckign!!!! i love it so much, so much. it lives in my heart. this is the fic where i was like... i dont believe in love. yes i do. no<3 YES!!!!!!!! and cried and paced my room and finally FINALLY!!!!!! stopped feeling so hurt about hinata leaving for brazil again lmao!! like, i cant explain. this sounds crazy right???? anyway, i think... atsuhina can love each other so much it hurts when theyre apart but their love is so.... i mean......... they literally waited years to play together... so......... their love keeps them going..... GOODBYE!!!! i love listening to fka twigs cellophane & home with you and just..... being insane. 

just can’t help myself

Five times Hinata takes care of Atsumu, and one time Atsumu returns the favor.

words: 5,025 | rating: T

*think about atshn taking care of each other* *cries*

blue crush

And there’s a promise there, sewn into the easy curve of his lips: I’m not going anywhere, Atsumu-san. Glittering eyes that cut through the rain-blurry dark like a beacon when Shouyou turns back to look up at him. Even if you fuck up all of our dates.

Murphy’s Law as demonstrated by Miya Atsumu.

words: 2,297 | rating: T

atsumu trying very hard to have things perfect and romantic and even in the failures its still very lovely<3

If I’m Icarus, You Must be the Sun (Allow me Three Mistakes)

He wonders if Icarus felt like nothing was wrong with self-destructing, because he had reveled in the sun, if only for a little while.

Atsumu finds, loving Hinata is the same.

Atsumu's love over the years, and the mistakes that accompany it.

words: 4,620 | rating: T

i am...very weak to the whole icarus/sun thing with hinata and his ships. this one though......... i think about it A lot.

in your eyes, i see our future

“Yer’ a real sweetheart, Hinata Shouyou.”

Shouyou smiles brilliantly. “Only for you~”

He scoots over so Shouyou can sit next to him. He can smell the pineapple body wash Shouyou is so fond of the moment he sits down. Shouyou passes the tray over carefully before settling against the headboard comfortably.

“What’s the occasion?"

(Or, Atsumu just really wants to marry Shouyou.)

words: 9,769 | rating: T

fhdsjjkjfdsj goes crazy stupid over marriage!!!!! listen... i do not believe in marriage!!!!! but for atsuhina, oh you bet i do!!!! :-)

breathing a hello

There’s no significance to them ending up here except that both of their lives are held in the sway of volleyball. Everything else comes second.That’s the crux of it, really.

words: 2,826 | rating: T

gjhfsjkfd shhhhhhhhh. my heart is very soft when i think of them here, please..... just!!!! pls.

if you’re out there in the cold, i’ll cover you in moonlight

My [23M] best friend and ex-boyfriend [23M] is visiting me for a week, and my current boyfriend [24M] who agreed to all of this is suddenly withdrawing from me. Can I get some advice? Please? Anyone?

words: 8335 | rating: T | chapters: 3 | tw: past kg/hn 😳

this one is optional since you wanted one shots and theres 3 chapters here. my idea of romantic is...well, i especially love when one of them is acting hurtful/mean/difficult to the other bc their own personal issues but the other loves them anyway??? and then they work on that issue!!! just!!!!! ; ;

Love in the Time of Insomnia

And anyway Hinata was sprinting out faithfully after Atsumu, who had keys to the gym like a badass, and who was going to give his spikers a few more tosses after-hours without Meian knowing like the greatest, most generous badass the Jackals had ever seen. 

words: 2,457 | rating: G

running four kilometers just so atsumu can rest. this is what romantic means!!!! hdkshjfhdj

ode to what you’d have been

5 times it’s Kageyama’s fault and the 1 time Hinata realizes it has never been.

words: 3,628 | rating: G

loving someone including their flaws PART 2!!!!!! ok.... u might be like... um... this is romantic? hfdkhjfd LISTEN!!!! to me!!! there is nothing more romantic than being in love with someone and the ugly parts of them. going, i love you, all of you. and communication!!! and understanding!!! and feeling terrible and shitty and horrible but having the one you love accept you. and trying to help ease your mind, worries. *sobs real hard* also shout out 2 ‘okaaayy.... i hate sakusa now’

a shrine for a  boy

Despite his uncertainty about how to tell Atsumu of his move to São Paulo, Hinata takes action. Things do not go according to plan.

words: 2,447 | rating: G

hinatas time 2 be romantic and fail but its ok bc!!!!!!!!!! :-) they are just dummies in love<3

the greatest distance between you and longing is defeat

(In other words: Atsumu, let go. I’m here now.)

words: 3,310 | rating: G

um... *cries* post break up.... o_o!!!! god they really thought they could????? lmao!!!!!!

the tear in this (our gentle language)

“I’m going back to Brazil.”

He isn’t asking for permission. This isn’t a consultation. Hinata Shouyou informs his boyfriend at their after-practice practice. Miya Atsumu has a volleyball in each arm, trying to pick up a third. It drops and rolls away from him. The thud resounding in an empty gymnasium.

Shouyou had tried to envision Atsumu’s reaction many times. He never expected to be met with silence.

Alternatively: an exploration of Hinata Shouyou’s return to Brazil

words: 7,204 | rating: M

ldr CAN be romantic ok!!!!!!!! it takes a lot of communication, time, and love ; ;

evening sun

Atsumu looks at Shouyou and thinks, I want to know every inch of you.

words: 1,502 rating: M

[loseyoutoloveme]

can you do a rundown/review of every song on folklore like you've done for selena? and what your current top 5 are??

considering this is officially one of my top 3 favourite albums ever i’m v happy to 😌! warning, absolutely every single song will be ranked 10/10

thank for wanting to know my thoughts :( i can’t believe anybody would volunteer to read this JDNSKSDJKDS

first of all, my top 5 is probbbbably gonna change (maybe not tho bc my lover top 5 hasn’t really changed a lot), but for now, i think it’s: august > seven > mad woman > illicit affairs > mirrorball

THE 1:

ngl my very first thought was that it reminded me of same love by macklemore skdjdskjdskjsd but not in a bad way!

literally some of the prettiest lyrics, i knew just from this song that this would top red as her best lyrically (best album in general)

honestly just rly sad and sweet and one of those songs that has such a universal sound i feel?

also the simplest song of the album lyrically (also not in a bad way, just like objectively this is the easiest subject matter on the album with the least opaque lyrics), so a really good opener

best lyrics: “we never painted by the numbers baby but we were making it count/you know the greatest loves of all time are over now” and “we were something don’t you think so/roaring twenties tossing pennies in the pool/and it my wishes came true it would’ve been you”

a cute girl, 10/10

CARDIGAN:

i was surprised by the darkish sound of this one

idk what that like clanking sound in the background is but i find it a lil distracting in the first half of the song - but if i ever find out what it is and it has some symbolic meaning/purpose for being there (i assume it does) i’ll accept it sdjknsd

i love the nostalgia that is so present in like almost every song on this album :(

also the music video is stunning and frames the entire album in the most interesting way, metaphor-wise

best lyrics: “i knew you’d linger like a tattoo kiss/knew you’d haunt all of my what-ifs/the smell of smoke would hang around this long/cause i knew everything when i was young/i knew i’d curse you for the longest time/chasin’ shadows in the grocery line/i knew you’d miss me when the thrill expired/and you’d be standing in my front porch light/and i knew you’d come back to me”

10/10

THE LAST GREAT AMERICAN DYNASTY:

love this one bc it’s like a nice lil exhale in an album filled with angst, like it’s cute and boppy without being aggressive

i’m suddenly absolutely obsessed with rebekah harkness, particularly the “bitch pack” thing and her dyeing someone’s dog green

i love taylor’s storytelling and i love how that’s always been a big part of her approach to songwriting. this is taylor at her best narration, like starlight but so much better. this is a type of songwriting that is so underused these days, esp by mainstream artists and i love so much that she has always used it and been so invested in it

the pronoun change made me screech. sooo goooood

taylor’s obv a deeply autobiographical artist which is why it’s so incredible to hear her tell OTHER people’s stories and somehow make them so her own. like i think it’s mostly the english major in me that just gets so emotional over that...... the way that other people’s stories became our own through the way we tell them......

this song is def the one that is most explicit about the album’s theme of telling stories but ones that tell something about her (and about her listeners too), by switching to personal pronouns at the end. it sets up a pattern for the rest of the album, where each song is about one thing (the actual story she’s telling) but also about a bunch of other things.

a good example of why she’s the greatest songwriter of this generation

best lyrics: “there goes the maddest woman this town has ever seen/she had a marvelous time ruining everything”

10/10

EXILE:

bon iver’s voice was a full shock to the system the first time i listened and idk why sdkjnds it is just so deep and i was not at all expecting it esp after the cuteness of tlgad

anyway these lyrics are GORGEOUS

i love a duet where the 2 singers’ lyrics are meant to be directed at each other. is there a word for that type of duet idk but it always makes a duet infinitely better

the miscommunication exemplified in the bridge...... chef’s kiss heartbreaking

out of all the songs this is the one that makes me feel the most like i am in the middle of a forest in winter. i can already picture myself listening to this song in december with the sound of a crackling fire in the background mmmmmmmm my exact vibe

best lyrics: “you’re not my homeland anymore/so who am i defending now?/you were my town, now i’m in exile seeing you out” and “i’m not your problem anymore/so who am i offending now?”

10/10

MY TEARS RICOCHET:

this chorus BRRROOOOKE ME

writing songs presumably about the masters situation and framing them as breakup songs was absolutely galaxy brain

i feel like the image of tears ricocheting has like a million layers to it and is just suuuuch a smart metaphor

also just such a visually rich song ? so is every song on the album but the metaphors of this song are all just so visual

best lyrics: “i didn’t have it in myself to go with grace/and you’re the hero flying around saving face/and if i’m dead to you why are you at the wake?” and “i can go anywhere i want/anywhere i want, just not home”

10/10

MIRRORBALL:

ok so i did like this one on first listen, i loved absolutely everything on first listen, but it didn’t hit my top 5 until like 8 listens later, so it’s def a big grower and i think could be a huge fan fav by next year

the self-awareness in her writing will never fail to amaze me

the way that life is just performing...... yeah

but it’s crazy to me that a person could be like “i’m a compulsive people pleaser and performer and i’ll do anything to get ppl to like me” and that leads to “i am a disco ball” like ???? her brain is so big. it’s such a gorgeous metaphor.... and the circus imagery AHHHHH

best lyrics: “i’m still on that tightrope/i’m still trying everything to get you laughing at me/i’m still a believer but i don’t know why/i’ve never been a natural, all i do is try try try/i’m still on that trapeze/i’m still trying everything to keep you looking at me” and “i can change everything about me to fit in”

10000/10

SEVEN:

this one simply rips my heart out

at first i was like oh this is so weird and then the chorus just would not leave my head

for me personally, nostalgia is literally 90% of my personality and just for so many personal reasons the thought of childhood ending and all of the growing pains that come along with that have been at the forefront of my psyche for the past year. so it just kills me whenever i find a song like this one and it kills me that taylor specifically has several songs about this topic and this is 100000% the best of them all. like it’s the most beautiful experience to have your thoughts and feelings and fears expressed so perfectly by a total stranger, and that’s rly what art is about and i love taylor for doing that for me and millions of other people

i just feel like this song brings up so many vivid beautiful memories of childhood for so many people, like being outside in the summer and screaming and being free. ugh

the pause after “i hit my peak at seven” before completing the phrase........ OOOOOOOOOF IT HITS TOO HARD

and sound-wise, just so off-beat and cool and unique

best lyrics: “i hit my peek at seven/feet in the swing across the creek” and “are there still beautiful things?” and “love you to the moon and to saturn/passed down like folk songs/the love lasts so long” and “before i learned civility/i used to scream ferociously/any time i wanted”

100000000000/10

AUGUST:

i knew immediately that this would be my favourite tbh like i could sense it the second it began

i wrote my first impression thoughts in my journal and you can tell the exact moment i got to the bridge bc i just started screaming sdnjksdkjsdn

i would 100% get a tattoo that said “to live for the hope of it all”

everything about this song is LITERALLY flawless like i have.......no notes......no thoughts.......it’s just an absolutely perfect song

best lyrics: “back when we were still changing for the better/wanting for was enough/for me it was enough/to live for the hope of it all" and “august sipped away like a bottle of wine/cause you were never mine”

100000000000000000000000000/10

THIS IS ME TRYING:

this song is rly good but i keep forgetting it exists omg :/ once i learn all of the lyrics i’ll appreciate her more

the strings are gorgeous

i was rly surprised that this one was done with jack instead of aaron just bc the bridge of this sounds SOOOO the national

these lyrics could be interpreted in so many different ways depending on the listener’s experiences and that’s beautiful

best lyrics: “i was so ahead of the curve/the curve became a sphere/fell behind all my classmates and i ended up here” and “it’s hard to be at a party when i feel like an open wound/it’s hard to be anywhere these days when all i want is you/you’re a flashback in a film reel on the one screen in my town”

10/10

ILLICIT AFFAIRS:

that soft high note on “down,” “stop,” etc is sooooo nice

i don’t have many thoughts on it, it’s just so soft, SOOOOOO gorgeous instrumentally and lyrically

best lyrics: “it’s born from just one single glance/but it dies and it dies and it dies/a million little times” and “don’t call me kid, don’t call me baby/look at this godforsaken mess that you made me/you showed me colours you know i can’t see with anyone else” and “you taught me a secret language i can’t speak with anyone else/and you know damn well/for you i would ruin myself/a million little times”

100000/10

INVISIBLE STRING:

like i said about tlgad, this is a nice little break from all the angst and pain and anger sdnjksdnskjsd just a sweet little break to remind u there are good things in the world too. so placed really well in the tracklist imo

super super super super cute chorus

so many pretty melodies

absolutely an autumn song btw

best lyrics: “time, mystical time/cutting me open, then healing me fine”

10/10

MAD WOMAN:

i literally lost my mind listening to this for the first time

i have such a thing for scorned women anthems like i will immediately love it whatever it is

the pure rage when she says “cause you took everything from me” gives me full body chills

it is just so eerie and haunting and perfect

best lyrics: “women like hunting witches too/doing your dirtiest work for you/it’s obvious that wanting me dead/has really brought you two together” and “every time you call me crazy i get more crazy/what about that?” and “good wives always know/she should be mad, should be scathing like me/but no one like a man woman”

1000000/10

EPIPHANY:

i find this one so hard to listen to but it’s absolutely beautiful and devastating and so heavily relevant for i think the whole world rn

the heart monitor and the trumpets tying both of the topics in together is so genius and so heartbreaking

i think will be the sygb of folklore where it makes everybody cry so much that it becomes a skip despite being a beautiful song

best lyrics: “something med school did not cover/someone’s daughter, someone’s mother” and “some things you just can’t speak about”

10/10

BETTY:

first of all THE HARMONICA

this made me so happy bc it’s just so debut and so fearless and it made me SOOOOO nostalgic on my first listen, because it really felt to me like i was getting to listen to a song from debut or fearless for the very first time again

it’s just so sweet and cute and simple and yet another very self-aware moment of looking back to her past material/subject matter

best lyrics: “would you have me? would you want me?/would you tell me to go fuck myself/or lead me to the garden?” and “i’m only seventeen, i don’t know anything/but i know i miss you”

10/10

PEACE:

the bass at the beginning is soooooo nice

this miiiiiight be the strongest song on the album lyrics-wise but idk yet

not much to say, it’s just so gorgeous

best lyrics: “i’m a fire and i’ll keep your brittle heart warm/if your cascade ocean wave blues come/all these people think love’s for show/but i would die for you in secret” and “would it be enough if i could never give you peace?” and “i talk shit with my friends, it’s like i’m wasting your honour”

10/10

HOAX:

i have a feeling this one will be underrated/underappreciated bc it’s just simple and dark and the last song, but this is....... a lyrical masterpiece

i feel like i need to be playing this on vinyl with all of the lights off and just a candle burning yknow, like there’s just something so dark and ancient about it

best lyrics: “my winless fight/this has frozen my ground” and “your faithless love’s the only hoax i believe in/don’t want no other shade of blue but you/no other sadness in the world would do” and “you knew it still hurt underneath my scars/from when they pulled me apart/but what you did was just as dark/darling this was just as hard”

10/10

OVERALL: 10000000000/10 literally one of the best albums i have ever heard and (while i wouldn’t put it past her to top it) absolutely the best work of her career. so complex and layered and emotional and painful and genuine and different. not to get ahead of myself but this is/should be considered her blue, her rumours, her abbey road....... god. can’t wait to listen to this album for the rest of my life and play it for my future children and just watch it live on as the greatest work of one of the most important artists of the 21st century

[quietlysatan]

An Invincible Summer - ShanaStoryteller, AO3

Link: Here!!

Rating: T for read the warnings, but don’t worry too much because of them

Favorite Quote(s): I legit wanna tattoo this next quote on me somewhere

"Oh, the things that can be accomplished through ignorance of their impossibility," 

And this Straight Up Fact

“There’s no such thing as cheating as long as you win,” Natsu says, and the brat’s not wrong.

This one’s just funny

“Chouza,” Inoichi forces himself to say evenly, “Your teachings produced Ebisu and goddamned Gai.”

“Genma’s pretty normal though,” Chouza sighs, “I never could get through to that boy.”

Gently Gai casually caring about Kakashi’s well-being is my entire reason for living, speaking of which if someone wants to come be my Gai that’d be really fucking nice because us Kakashi’s don’t do too well on our own

He hesitates, but says, "Not that I do not find your newfound mentorship to be a most youthful endeavor, but -"

"I don't know," Kakashi interrupts his friend, "I met her while she was taking her genin exam and she, I don't know, adopted me or something. She just keeps showing up."

Gai nods thoughtfully, "Stubbornness is a useful skill to have when trying to cultivate a friendship with you." Kakashi elbows the other man, but doesn't protest besides that. "She's a good cook."

And this one because I love it when people Get It, ya’know?

That's really why he won't say anything, why he won't reveal that the Kyuubi's container and the fourth Hokage's child is still alive: they already killed him once. Naruto and Shikamaru are the same age, they would have been in the same class, and the idea that anyone could want to harm his innocent, precious son makes his blood boil 

And this one, for accuracy

"This sounds like a most youthful endeavor. I will bring Anko! She will fan the flames of youth in our young Konoha blossom!"

Both Itachi and Kakashi look at Gai, horrified. "Please don't," Itachi says weakly, like he knows it'll fall on deaf ears but he has to try anyway.

"Don't worry," Gai attempts to assure them, going into his Good Guy pose, "They will produce youthful flames of feminine excellence!"

"They're going to burn down Konoha," Kakashi says flatly.

Gai's hair and teeth sparkle in the sunlight, and he doesn't attempt to deny it.

Another important one

"The world is a terrible place," she says, and she has to swallow before she speaks again, "and it's full of terrible people. But I don't have to be one of them." 

I love that Natsu-chan has great balance, this is my number one favorite character trope, and I wish more people would write it

She bends down to look at him upside down, and Itachi can feel that she's not using chakra to stick onto him, and sometimes her balance just isn't logical. 

I just love the idea of tiny genius Naruto, and I love that Natsu-chan is a seal master at like, fucking seven and a half lol

Itachi knows it's actually far more complicated than that, but just as he does not tell her minutia of the past shinobi wars in their history lessons, she does not overcomplicate her explanations of sealing. Usually he's grateful for that, but when she appears to break every known law to sealing and chakra, he's not.

"That's," he blinks and he's not going to tell her it's impossible because it clearly isn't, "new," he settles on.

A mood honestly

Inoichi now feels the urge to bang his head against the table top, because 'a huge pain' to Natsu is 'literally impossible' to everyone else.

Another mood honestly

Inoichi watches his former genin dig in with resignation. “When are you guys going to start picking up the tab? Feeding you all isn’t cheap you know.”

Hana swallows her mouthful, “Sensei, I am but a lone healer’s apprentice –“

“I have been a chunin less than a month,” Kabuto pouts, wounded, “and already you seek to profit-“

“Do you have any idea how much sealing paper and ink costs?” Natsu demands.

“Okay, okay,” Inoichi grumbles, but it’s not very effective considering he’s smiling, “I take it back, jeez.”

Okay so, since this is a 100k+ word fic, I’ve been doing this thing lately literally just now on this fic review where I only feature quotes from the first chapter (Depending on length.) but, I’m making an exception because I’ve never seen these three characters and my thoughts on them summed up so well by someone I don’t know which is to say anyone, no one I know cares about my interests really lol

"Maybe a little," he admits grudgingly, "Sakura's really smart, but she acts dumb for some reason. And her endurance is really bad. She probably would have been failed on that alone if she didn't have such good aim with shuriken. And Sasuke's good at like, everything, I still don't get why he didn't graduate earlier. He's just so-" Kiba rubs his hand over his face.

"So what?" Hana prompts, even though she's heard this particular complaint before.

"Sad," the genin sighs, "He's miserable all the time, and he works hard and if you yell at him for long enough he'll work with you, but - crap, I don't know. He's got this really great poker face so you think he's just a big jerk, but I can smell his emotions, the big idiot, and he's just this sad lonely kid who won't listen to anyone."

Hana hums, because if she opens her mouth she'll probably start cursing the Hokage and his dumb rules and his dumb ideas, and that is not the type of thing that leads to a long life.

Just one last quote because dudes, guys, pals, friends of mine it’s important and you should all stop and read it.

 “Thanks for being cool with – everything. I’m really happy you’re not mad at me for not being honest with you.”

“You are my friend,” Gaara says warmly, “and you have always been honest about that.”

Words & Chapter(s): 136,306 words of greatness, and 6 full chapters of nicely done completion

Summary: When Naruto is five, he's gutted by a drunken civilian and presumed dead.

Six months later a girl with ash pale hair and dark blue eyes enters the Academy. 

(Guys I swear on my cool as fuck username, and all around internet personality as practically satan and probably Lucifer and whatnot that nobody we like stays dead or severely injured)

Score: 13, this is one of my favorites for a reason, this is actually my second technically third time rereading this in as many weeks

Pairing(s): Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka, background Haku/Zabuza, but don’t worry anything you’re thinking of is addressed quite nicely in the fic ultra background but still there’s a lot of relationships and I’m not going to tag them all

Warning(s): Naruto technically dies more than once because this is Naruto we’re talking about but they also technically don’t??? You gotta read it, but basically temporary character death, only the bad guys stay dead in this one.

Nobody knows that Naru-chan lived so there’s that angst for you, however, to be fair it’s not like this whole story is just characters mourning and crying and whatnot, at this point it’s mostly just passing thoughts and memories which, again, to be fair, does almost feel worse at times... Huh, regardless it’s not overly angsty

Kakashi is adopted whether he likes it or not by Natsu-chan, we love both of our emotionally fucked over fair-haired ninja in this house so you won’t have to worry about that sorta fic coming outta nowhere from me BTW... but anyways, Kakashi freaks out a bit, much like the abused dog he always reminds me of, but Natsu is the sweetest and most gentle, yet forceful person he could’ve possibly caught the attention of. (This is canon)

The Akatsuki are still bad, BUT ITACHI ISN’T technically SO WHO FUCKING CARES!!!! (The Massacre still happens tho...)

Mentions of The Flower District and what that implies, and also things a Kunoichi might definitely do

Oh my fucking god the Hyuga... Who would willingly do something so horrible as that? Of all the things... Warning for... The Hyuga branch family situation, it’s dealt with nearly as soon as we are informed but, gods, my blood ran cold, and my face whited out, my sister thought someone had died when she saw my face haha,,, who the fuck does this? And do they die? In canon I mean? I think I only watched up to the chunin exams or Pein’s attack, I can’t remember which tho...

Natsu cries because people are nice to her sometimes. And honestly that’s fair, I burst into to tears once because I imagined someone kissing my forehead softly so, Natsu is completely valid... Sidenote, I’m touch-starved and have no cure for this beyond younger siblings and my cat because I don’t have the ability to ask my mom for a hug without literally gross sobbing and I have A Thing about embarrassment sooooo... yeah if anyone has some therapy justu for me that’d be nice

Mentions of Gross Men that apparently want to have Natsu’s increasingly growing collection of the absolute most dangerous people she can befriend pay them a visit. And by that, I mean an old fuckwit has the gall to leer at a TEN-YEAR-OLD and a FUCKING THIRTEEN-YEAR-OLD!!!!!! Ugh, I hate those kinds of pathetic worms.

On that note, there is technically underaged things going on, but they are also Ninja soooo???? They’ve killed people and are technically in their version of an army, and by the laws of their lands they’re all adults, actually I’m pretty sure by shinobi life expectancy Kakashi is middle-aged, Inoichi is a senior citizen, and Hiruzen is a walking corpse tbh

Alcoholism??? I don’t really think it is but I’m not sure, but some characters do drink often, and usually when stressed courtesy of Natsu and co. but still... I don’t actually know if it is because it doesn’t actually happen much, more like every few weeks/months

Mentions of past sexual assault, and attempted past sexual assault, neither happen in fic or to any of our main characters, the experiences are not graphic though they do talk about it in chapter five, it’s not to graphically described.

Also, a bunch of off-screen lemon

A Thing (That I copy-pasted from the author so that all of you will see it and not say a single word against it.): If you thought Natsu was too mature for her age - she has seen and been through some really horrible shit. But also: my cousin has, since he was like 4, hung out with kids that were about 4 years older than him because those were the kids that were in his neighborhood or whatever. Point being, even after he started school, his main group of friends was consistently older than him. He very quickly adapted to that, and to this day (he's 12) hangs out with that same group, and considers children his own age 'kids' because he adapted to the behavior of the group he was surrounded with. I hardly believe Natsu would be any different.

And also

4. Quick little note because some people mentioned liking my portrayal of the Sandaime. I base his decisions/motivations (and Itachi and Danzo's to a certain extent) around this quote by Clementine von Radics: "It is so hard to live half monster, to hurt everything you love by trying to protect it wrong."

Pros: Watching Natsu just casually disregard the idea of gender with little to no thought is the greatest thing anyone will ever experience beyond, I dunno, the party we’re all gonna collectively throw when soggy Cheeto dies (I still haven’t decided which song we should make chart number one when that happens)

Given that I’ve technically read this three times you should already know the writing is fucking amazing, like, whoa, mind blown type of amazing, like, wow, so good, I usually hate rereading something I’ve read before, and especially so soon after the fact but geez Louis is this fic amazing

Natsu is just as easy to fall in love with as Naruto, and they are still the same people with slightly different personalities as is to be realistically expected with a situation like Naru’s was.

Also, GENDERFLUID REPRESENTATION DONE FUCKING AMAZINGLY IS ALWAYS A PLUS!!!!!!! 

The author manages to convey a very realistic genderfluid character in an incredibly believable manner, while also still keeping Natsu/Naruto themself. They’re still the Naruto that we knew and loved, but they’re different too, as is to be expected. when Natsu is a girl no-one stumbles, she is a girl without a doubt, even the author doesn’t trip up on societal expectations, and when Naruto is a boy there is next to immediate acceptance of this fact with absolutely zero (0) Zero bullshit from transphobes, which, as a genderfluid person myself, is always fucking nice to see. You’ll have to read it to know more though.

Natsu running around creating seals is honestly the greatest thing ever, and the end scene with the village made me cry a lil bit, and dammit this fic is so fucking good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, there’s a scene, where Natsu heals Kakashi, and the way the author handled explaining the intimate not sexual relationship between two of my favorite characters ever is just, so subtly beautiful, the sibling-bond these two have is beautiful, and a part of me wants to cry sometimes when I read it, and usually do cry a little when I get to this scene, and only partially because of what happened directly before it.

I love the way everybody just gets up and moves past their trauma and just decides to politely ignore it, oh they still have it, they still deal with it, but they care, and they are careful about it, and even though it hurts them like a knife-wound to the kidney in slow-motion they still get back up and keep fucking going. That’s hella admirable and I can respect that, I can respect even more that they slowly but surely let themselves heal as time moves on. This fic is beautiful on so many different levels but it is this one perhaps, that is the most magnificent. Perhaps.

Sasuke is adorable and depressing and adorable and I love it. And Ino is still a bad bitch but she’s a kid so we only see it like a handful of times in the first two chapters. The Akimichi/Yamanaka/Nara are all great, and I occasionally pity Inionchicause like, he’s putting up with a well-informed seal genius that’s still hyper, a slightly frightening medic-kunoichi with giant dogs, another slightly more frightening medic-nin who isn’t the greatest fighter but damn can he be intimidating and also really good at pointing out “Certain Things” while judging you about them which, honestly, is my greatest pastime. Itachi is so sweet and then so tragic oh my gods, and Natsu never even considers giving up on him. Kakashi is so sweet, and he slowly becomes less of a beaten dog as time goes on and I just love all of these characters.

Except for Hiruzen. Well, no, I still love this particular incarnation of Hiruzen, for all that he’s got one hell of a pathetically small backbone, I get why he does shit. But that doesn’t make me happy. Still, he’s better than dumbledouchebag. Granted that’s not difficult, and you might have to actively put an effort in to be as bad as that guy, but still. Plus, his hearts in the right place, and he’s less about the greater good then... certain disgraces to teaching and being in charge of a large group of people... Hiruzen is actually kinda sweet and admits he has issues and actually has an excuse that’s understandable for the shit that he pulls which is great, if sadly uncommon.

Anyways, Sakura is terrifying, and I remembered why I had a crush on her. She’s so badass, also, she ends up Princess Mononoke basically which, honestly, is fucking great, and the best thing we could’ve asked for, I love all of these characters so much!!!

Aesthetic: It reminds me off beefy stew (We don’t eat beef, so we used vegan soy beef stuff instead, and it was just as good.) it reminds me of the warmth, and friendship, and home that I felt after my mom and I make dinner together with nothing but a little music on and jokes passing back and forth between us. It reminds me of scraping my knee and having my friends help me to their mom, it reminds me of loyalty and compassion. It reminds me of dancing outside at night, alone in the forest with nothing but the moon for company and wind for music. It reminds me of the first time I realized that I could love someone despite their gender and that I should despite mine. It reminds me of finely spun handmade lace, and all it’s delicate while also reminding me of the sturdiest of steels, it reminds me of so much. It reminds me of acceptance, and understanding, and so much more. If I were to say what food and drink it reminds me of, I’d say chicken noodle soup, and sweet lavender-lemon tea.

Music Aesthetic: So, I made a playlist while I was reading this the first time around, and instead of a gif or twenty like I would usually prefer to do I’m going to add that playlist. https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLbhXmTSBbAyjk0m1b4BZUp3t0RHL83LDK

But if I were to add a gif or two it’d be these

Because something about this fic reminds me of rainy days with tea and baggy clothes.

Every time Natsu/Naruto decided to fight ever, to be honest.

[pigstepmp3-moved]

Sooooo consider: college AU. Eddie locked himself in a study room in the library because he has a huge final the next day and he swears to god he’s gonna fail. Buck comes by and brings him food and coffee and forced him to take a break for 30 minutes because “Eddie you’re clearly not thinking clearly if you just said you’re an idiot. I’m the idiot in this relationship” and then quizzing him over stuff and kissing Eddie when he gets the answers right ahajsjskskskd

listen. i know u didnt ask for a ficlet, but this Inspired me, so i had to run with the idea ok

After not hearing from Eddie at all in the last two days, Buck knows there’s only one possible place he could be: the library. He knows Eddie has some big final coming up for one of his fancy schmancy psychology classes, and he also knows that Eddie takes his education very, very seriously. Way too seriously, if you ask Buck, but nobody ever does.

Anyways. Buck’s sure that Eddie’s holed up in one of those study rooms in the library on campus that he’s always raving about, and his phone has to be dead because every call Buck sends his way goes to voicemail immediately. He’s also sure that Eddie probably hasn’t slept or eaten since the last time Buck saw him because he’s bound to be so focused on studying, which will not do at all. Thankfully, he knows that they allow food and closed drinks in the library, so with a sandwich and cold water bottle for both of them in his backpack, Buck makes the trip out to the library.

When Buck makes it to the library, he’s not surprised to see Eddie through the window on the door of one of the study rooms looking like he’s about to conk out. Buck can see the dark circles under his eyes from here, and Eddie looks like he’s about to cry because he’s so stressed. He doesn’t like that at all. He frowns concernedly, quietly opening the door and shutting it behind him. He makes his way over to Eddie’s side, gently places his hand on his shoulder, and he’s about to say something before Eddie interrupts with a gasp as he leaps out of his chair in surprise.

“Oh my God, you scared me!” Eddie exclaims once he manages to catch his breath, holding a hand to his chest as he sits back down in his chair. “What are you doing here?”

“I was worried about you, papi. Haven’t heard from you in a couple days,” Buck says, shrugging off his bag and setting it on the table before pulling a chair over to Eddie’s side, plopping down in it.

“Sorry,” Eddie replies guiltily, ducking his head a little. “I just have a final tomorrow, and...” he mumbles something that’s a little too quiet for Buck to fully make out.

“What was that? Speak up, babe.”

“I’ just think that I’m gonna fail,” Eddie says after a moment, slowly looking back up at Buck. It breaks Buck’s heart when he sees that Eddie’s eyes are wet with unshed tears.

“Now, why would you think that?” Buck asks quietly, gently cupping Eddie’s cheek, carefully thumbing just below his eye.

“‘Cause I’m an idiot who doesn’t know anything about anything,” Eddie replies, hands fidgeting anxiously in his lap as he rapidly blinks back tears. The blinking proves useless, though, because before either of them know it, tears are pouring down his face. “I mean, how could I possibly think that I could actually get a freaking psychology degree? I don’t know any of this shit, and I’m gonna fail so bad that I’m never gonna get my bachelor’s, and if I can’t get that, then I can’t get my master’s, and if I can’t get that, I’m not gonna get a PhD, and—!”

“Hey, hey, none of that,” Buck interrupts Eddie before he can get too worked up, gently wiping away all of the tears that are streaming down his face. “You need to take a break, babe.”

“No, I can’t take a break, I don’t know any of this, and my test is tomorrow, and I’m gonna fail—”

“Well, you’re obviously not thinking clearly if you seriously think that you’re the idiot here. Please. Have you even met me?” Buck tries to chuckle a little, but it comes out a little forced. He’s so worried about the kind of state of mind Eddie’s in right now that it’s hard to stay positive, but he has to for no other reason than to show Eddie that everything’s okay. He twists his body to reach his bag, keeping his hand on Eddie’s face, rummaging around for one of the sandwiches he brought. He smiles in triumph when he finds one, trying to rescue it from the plastic it’s currently wrapped in as quickly as he can, but it’s a little tough to do so when he’s one-handed. As soon as it’s free, he sets it in Eddie’s lap. “Here. Eat this. We’re gonna take a little break so you can breathe for a moment. You’re gonna eat...” he pauses to dig a bottle out of his bag, shoving it towards Eddie, “you’re gonna drink some water, and you’re just gonna relax for a minute. And when you’re all done, I’m gonna help you study, okay? I’ll quiz you. Show you that you do know this stuff, you’re just overwhelming yourself right now.” Eddie frowns as he stares down at the sandwich. Buck sets the bottle down on the table next to them and picks the sandwich up, grins as he wiggles it under Eddie’s nose. “Come on. I know you want it.” Eddie laughs at that, and Buck can’t help but feel a little triumphant.

“Yeah, okay,” Eddie says, sniffling as he takes the sandwich from his lap, taking a tentative bite out of it. “‘S good. Thank you.”

“Anything for you, boo,” Buck says, grinning at the breathless chuckle it pulls out of Eddie. He watches Eddie eat for a moment before pulling out his own sandwich and tearing at the plastic containing it.

They eat in silence for a while, knees pleasantly bumping against each other, and soon enough, they’ve both finished their sandwiches. Buck’s honestly a little surprised Eddie managed to finished—he figured Eddie would be so eager to get back into studying that he’d hardly be able to eat. Buck quietly catches him up on what he’s been missing during his two-day-long study session.

As much as Buck wants to drag Eddie back to his dorm and force him to lay down and get some sleep with him, he knows Eddie will refuse with some excuse about how he doesn’t want to sleep through his final. So, with a slightly worried look on his face, he says, “You got any flashcards?”

“Um, yeah,” Eddie replies, reaching for all the index cards that are spread haphazardly across the table. He puts them all into a neat little pile before handing them off to Buck. “You were serious about quizzing me?”

“‘Course.” Buck gawks a little at the neat handwriting on the cards. Much nicer looking than the flashcards he’s tried to make for himself. “Damn, these are sexy. I should get you to make my flashcards for me.”

“Yeah, you gonna pay me?”

“I’ll pay you in blowjobs,” Buck says with a shrug.

Eddie rolls his eyes. “Come on, quiz me already.”

“Yeah, yeah, I got you.”

Buck goes through each of Eddie’s cards, grimacing a little and saying “not quite” when Eddie gets the questions wrong and leaning forward to press a happy little kiss to his lips when he gets the questions right. They go through the cards together a few times, and when they manage to get through without a single wrong answer, Buck notices that Eddie’s starting to droop in his seat a little. About halfway through their next run through, Eddie interrupts Buck in the middle of asking a question with a snore. Buck looks up, pleasantly surprised to see that Eddie’s conked out with his head leaned back on the chair. With a grin, Buck stands and starts tidying up all their things, doing it as quietly as possible to let Eddie get some rest. He shoves the rumpled plastic wrap bits and half drunken water bottles into his own bag. He finds a rubber band discarded on the table, grabbing it and tying it around the cards, carefully shuts all the textbooks strewn across the table, carefully puts all the items into the bag left by Eddie’s feet. Once everything’s cleaned and packed away, he gently nudges Eddie awake. “Hey, baby, c’mon, wake up.”

Eddie slowly blinks his eyes open and yawns adorably. “Hm? Wha’s going on?”

“I’m takin’ you back to your dorm so you can get some sleep,” Buck says, holding a hand out to pull Eddie up. Eddie gives him a skeptical look. “Come on. You did great today. Kicked those flashcards’ ass. And you’re gonna kick that test’s ass, too. You’ve more than earned some sleep in a proper bed. And I’ll spend the night and everything so you don’t have to worry about sleeping too late. I’ll wake you up if you don’t get up on your own to get ready.” Eddie frowns at him for another moment before taking his hand and letting Buck pull him up.

“Promise you’ll wake me up?”

“Promise. I’ll set, like, a thousand alarms so I don’t forget,” Buck replies as he lets go of Eddie’s hand, grinning in delight with the chuckle it pulls out of Eddie. He lifts both of their bags, throwing one around of his shoulders and the other around the other. “You ready to head home?”

“Mm. Home. Sounds nice,” Eddie says, reaching for Buck’s hand again and interlocking their fingers.

“Yeah?” Buck asks as he starts leading Eddie out of the library.

“Yeah. We should move in together.”

Buck blushes a little as he thinks about that idea. Getting to wake up next to that gorgeous face every morning sounds pretty swell, and he finds himself really loving the idea of them finding a little apartment off campus together. “That sounds nice. But we can talk about more when you’ve gotten some sleep and are less stressed out, ‘kay?”

“Mm, ‘kay,” Eddie says, leaning into Buck’s side as they meander down the sidewalk toward his dorm in the slowly darkening evening. Buck knows it’s a serious conversation for some other time, but he already knows the answer he’ll give Eddie if he asks again—yes, yes, a thousand times yes. Well, maybe a little less enthusiastic than that so he doesn’t completely embarrass himself, but he really does genuinely love the idea. For now, though, all that matters is getting Eddie home and in bed to get some much needed rest.

[ubelyptus]

soooooooooooo bb,,,...,.,,,strawberrry.

......I JUST FIND IT

  interestinggggggggg

how you Big mad cuz MY block game seeems 

skrong or summn

hanh???

oh.

well.

i never blockedt you 

on snapchat 

or whatsapp (you weren’t even muted),

yup, i still haven’t

but i didn’t have a properly working phone...

still......don’t

but either way you keep threatening to split on me 

like a weapon…fcking

manipulative as shit

it just seems to me that you just want to?

you never imprinted tho 

but she did 

so why should you?

i won’t ever, again, fight....

….with you.

my favorite accomplice

i wanted to learn with an open mind 

even after my phone died 

how to remain soft with you.  

even after being callled 

“old news" 

pffft

at least until

 i ‘m  eventually murdered by a cisgender man...

but

don’t fckn

pppppppop shit 

cuz like….. literally…..all i did was change my url.

shit, i Only blockedt you AFTER i saw you referencing gaslighting.

bc uhmm IIIIIIif that is about meeeeeeeeeeee 

ha!!!

 how fucking dare you.…..lyk....wuhh?

like when you said there is no difference between syn and alesia?????

HANH?

oh, but you think i blockedt you first bc i didn’t wanna get my feelings hurt?

….mhhhhhhh. ok.

seeems odd since you’re not liar 

right, eli????

but,,,,,so what’s this about the cozi password change? am i just shifting too rapidly between your and my reality???

bet.

no, i blocked you on things after THAT 

AND THAT WAS TODAY

oh, and didn’t your friend, my so-called “fighting buddy,” anan…

.just,,,,,fckn block me like i’m useless

trash

randomnly 

after all

i asked 

was that they 

not speak to me 

about you?

but YAAAAAAS  twas ONLY Me and simply Myself and just i 

who ain’t wanna get….hurt.

hanh?????

oh ,

obvi,

yeaaaaaaa

yeeeei

truuuu,

sooooo 

sssssorry,,,,but

calling me “old news” or saying i’m “old too” 

don’t forget your girl is 2 yrs older than you 

and then staying silent for these few days about changing passwords

that..... already did that, boo

at least i sent alesia third party emails thru the app, boo

she pushin 30 and can only talk you 

venuse....????. no....a 

talking and 

w a l k i ng tragedy

entyway don’t bring that up just to be loud and wrong about that too

you’re not always wrong tho, you know

you’d probably fuck up and slit my throat 

 powertripping

when i’m wrong about you

and you can only do that if you

 black and white 

me out 

to NEVER BE WRONG 

AND I DO 

ACTUALLLY HATE THAT ABOUT YOU!!!!! 

WHY CAN’T I EVER BE WRONG, ELI???? 

WHY????//

OH your emotions....? about your father that after 6 yrs you didn’t tell me about?

your reality? when you have a habit of projecting?

 and lowkey being dishonest 

to yourself first

 and then subsequently

 to me????

your time? when i’m mostly on yours?????

your efforts? like ripping up notes and telling me 

“my turn” to get fucked 

by you 

was over

when the only reason i was tiredt

was bc i crashed

too tiredt after explaining to You

that

  i‘m not even going to LET you play middleman

for a baby pushign 30????

oh. bet.

but since we’re being transparent:

here are receipts with timestamps:

http://microhealer.tumblr.com/tagged/hop-hop-hop-hop

http://microhealer.tumblr.com/tagged/hop+hop+bun

http://microhealer.tumblr.com/tagged/hop-hop-bunny

yea you must love dirty laundry

oh.

but that’s what i knew about you.

oh:

be yr own guest my love

i Knew you would ignore the “old news” message since that's literally when you started telling on yourself 

you do treat trans partners

 like side hoes, 

thasssa wholeBET 

and some change

 for you to create

cuz thassssssss 

how you feel about me fr fr

so that “like” is mine but

  i…..actually really Really love that you laughed tho.

bc i haven’t heard you fully belly laugh in a long time.

if ever iirh.

even after knowing you for 6+ years, 

your supposed “first friend “ in the DMV

the person i can trust my life with

the only

you’re my only...

 ,,,,,even after i spiraled 

and cut myself for the first time since middle school?

now my friends are fucking spotting you 

and talking to each other 

about you

oh, you didn’t know. 

but i got mehndi done today 

let a summer baby boy

love 

a cut up 

by me

body

 before noon

today 

thinking i’d see you and we could talk like,,,,

…..like real people do.

and you’d be distracted by the design and not zone in

 on the failed cuts

 on my wrist 

since i’m shit at not just repeatedly carving into 

white meat

 when i can only use a ceramic blade

i just didn’t WANT you to 

so i never “came home to [you]”

you said that on nov 4th/5th of last year

and

i’ve been looking up bpd all day

eventho i told you

  i don’t trust the internet 

sooooo you not telling me 

didn’t hel p

but it’snot at all your job to 

and i sitll

stilllstil stil stilllca’t see

....and i dind’t want you to see.

bc i’m not just a man.

i’m still femme

which you seem to love to forget

and still soft enough, i think.....

i hope…..or learning to be soft,,,,

where it won’t get me killed,,,,,

but where it still counts.

with…or without you.

either way i’m a man who loves you. a man whose phone died at 28% trying to get you to see that i was trying to be soft even after you called me

 “old news”

but,,,,,.....,,,compared to …..who?????? sh....oooo??????

your new girlfriend who is 1 or 2 years older than you?????

and can’t speak to me 

a man who is only barely out of 23???

and instead only whispers

 to you?????

bruh, she’s clearly not fond of me. 

and you’re not a liar , 

so don’t 

she had to tell you that she wasn’t the one putting out “aggy energy”

specifically

during yennayer which

i ruined

and im still sorru

but which means

she’s probably done it in your apartment on purpose already, boo

didn’t think of that, did you

lingustically.,,,,,nope.

oh, but there’s power in a whisper, darling.

i am just cardinal like you

i am air too.

  i should know 

bc i accidentally whistled....and,,,,,,

i only blockedt you so that you wouldn’t “hurt [your] own feelings”

 like you told anan you sometimes do.

sooooooooooooo yea... i

did it so you wouldn’t hurt you. 

as cardinal water/pisces moons 

are prone to do.

you can;t drain

and you can’t drown

 ain’t that how i affirmed you

i already hurt me 

when i dissociated 

and i’m STILL FUCKING sorry 

that there was blood that you had to see. 

i couldn’t stay in my body long enough to clean fast enough

but i still didn’t want you to hurt you bc of me.

like you did repeatedly

bc of bpd or bc of basically cishet or at least cis ~queer girls

or other partners 

like when you were with kat,

who’s still disgustingly attached to a messy white

and now a new black kid.....

or with shushoo.

and how you might with alesia.

no, correction: how you have with alesia. 

how you will continue to, if you’re not careful, with alesia.

you’re a lion facing a prince of a house kitten ,....,

.,, who is homeless.

do you feel good, big boss?

all i asked was for you to listen t

o how you were speaking to me 

on the phone 

at your place of work 

and when she’s there

possibly a place of worshiop

..... even after i told you 

that i was intentionally putting energy into Not fighting you

and you

  say you

"don’t wanna be a middle person" 

but you also….wanna cape for yet another fucking cis girl.

who isn’t even muslim this time. 

HOWtragic.

i couldn’t laugh

couldn’t ever laugh at sway

bc by whatever fortune if you do split or don’t 

 i still  love you

i love you too much

but in those moments after that phone call….

after my phone died…

and my body couldn’t move to charge it.

wouldn’t move….

and all i could do was cry during the adhan.

bc you’re tooo much like matt now

i wish i knew what it could feel like to

 hate someone 

who called you 

"OLD NEWS” 

compared to a bitch pushing 30 

youza WHOLE fuckn clown, dawg.

matt did this same shit

move me out for a new side bitch

yet anotehr cis

look at how cute trans love can be

oh

no

NO

no,

no

no

this is what you give me:

laughter.

BC what fucking luck.

BUT IT’S gotta be TROOF

  s ince you don’t lie?/?

shit I LAUGHED TOO:

it sounds like….

NEITHER OF US

KNEW WHAT COULD

HAVE BROUGHT US

HERE, ELI.

maybe you nursing poison in your own home

and telling me i’m making you feel unwelcomed

on a blog and not to my face did it

fuckingggggggggg. why’ald.

you think it’s too much sweat????? false. 

that apartment stayed cold.

too many tears?

 ok ok yea troof.

but too much love? forreal?

we?????

ooooop

hoooop!!!

oh, you speakin’ french now. our collective colonizers tongue in 20gayteeeeeeeen?????

CAN’T RELATE 

bc I’M TOOOOOO GAY

wow. we ruined it, fam???? fr fr?

nah, chosen fam.

you ruined us.

you ruined us over:

 a cis girl and

your own impatience

and your own anger.

and my slow brain and my slow body

//

i’m not sure she’d find you from maryland

if you dissociated bc your other semi

 but not 

girlfriend emotionally abused you

until people who didn’t know you were muslim

thought you were fucking drunk

and you fucking stilllllll 

work with her?????

why couldn’t you just wait until she found a new job???

ain’t she trying????

or izzzzzz she??????

hahhnh???

where was the damn rush?????

you’re like two goofy high schoool kids 

reaching for the quickest nuts every 6 hours

 like jesus fuck.

you’re irresponsible as shit telling me i’m a grown man making grown decisions and i see this 

?????

unREASONABLE, ELI.

this isn’t a situation of a kettle calling a pot black

 babe

bc i’m actually Black

and you’re not

but she’s black too.

what did i tell you:

"you datin’ two whole Niggas. if you fight me over her, you will lose either way.”

but instead you called me “obtuse”

SAT words for me

 but not for you…….what.,,,.,,,,,,,, fckn luck……..

what luck,,,,,that the one person who housed me consistently

and kept me alive

when i trusted no one

would call me "old news”

and let their cis girlfriend

 turn herself into your

personal "healing” …...

sibkid. \\\\

howTragic like all of CC’18

you know what happens when you slip and get sloppy and let a baby bitch be responsible for your healing?

she leaves. 

for a real bitch 

with microhealing abilities, 

GOOFY.

she worships a new goddess every friday?????

well, i know only of orixas 

and only of black power

 but from what i know of goddesses OFF of OUR continent…

soooon...

at least one of them WILL want a soul from her

just letting you know it might not have to be hers.

…..OH!

and when i chargedt and openedt my phone after days of wandering. ….the last messages from you are:

YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID “LEAVE [[[[MMMMMYYYYYYY]]]]]] KEYS”

like a fucking baby.

imagine that.

even to you, i’m still a whore.

out…the…bakc….dooor.

??????

i couldn’t even work a john when i wanted to

 if i was sad about you.

but imagine?????

  a cis-pixie woman older than you

letting you treat her like a child?????

then

imagine me feeling shamed into leaving

bc of pictures of your smiling face

after i cut myself and felt shame 

that

in your unwelcomed  to both me and you

BLOOD

 blood 

is what brings me back

 to life.

how.

fucking.

why’yald.

i blockedt you so that you didn’t lurk.

bc THat is what you do.

instead of speaking with me, 

you seem to have expected me

 to read your blog back 7 years.

and just know all of the fatherly things that trigger you.

like…even during the times when i was afraid of my own phone and laptop for 2 months bc of my sister, brother, and birth parents????

funny how i’m the youngest of us “grown folks” and yet still find that really 

FUCKING

immature.

of YOU

to do

you really never knew me, or did you…..??

you donated to me before you even knew me.

so i know your heart has parts made of gold.

but now you show off your crystals and your gold.~~~

yep.

here we are.

you’ve "only every seen [me] as a boy.”

ok. bet.

and unti this post:

i’ve hardly heard you refer to me as a man.

so:

ain’t you late?

ain’t you late, babe??

ain’t you late?

i’m a year younger than you.

which means if you grown

i musta BEEN a man too, boo.

but you’ll always be

 my favorite accomplice

 and always be my favorite friend too.

but you cannot think you can play me by calling me

 “old too” or “old news"

 for young fish who is basically femme trade

and thinking i won’t cut open a fool.

which coincidentally always happens to be me

she’s hardly out to anybody important and lying at work too.

i must be bigger fool.

bc you knew better and didn’t do better.

but i’m being immature.

  ok ...,.,,.,,

cute.

your pisces moon is keeping you from seeing clearly but that’s what young water seems…to do. to much light reflected; tho it is a fountain of youth.

she’s pushing 30 baby 

but true, you’re her boo.

yea, a childish boo.

you ever wonder why her playlist from you had more songs than ours did?

why she can never keep a man around for valentines day?

oh but don’t you love “patterns”, baby????

unless it’s her leaving shit around the apartment

or her triggering you

or her treating your dick like it’s foreign, 

even to you.

my gay ass was shookedt 

when you told me you voluntarily 

triggered yourself

 for her kitty too

but i AM 

a grown man

 who is “running” from….you

you think that statement is not…. dishonest??

you really think that statement is true???

—

i didn’t run. i just

needed space

and you afforded me none.

you couldn’’t afford it.

february is before march which is before april 

sooooooo it’s always a tight month ain’t it???????

oooooooh but you afforded her plenty.

she gets to take off her fucking pants while i try to figure out if i should move from a spot next to you….

on your fucking bed.

she took off her pants to climb near you before she could even say hi to 

nooonoo

ahh right

and THEN ME.

“Oh, you CAN stay”

that’s what She told me.

and you said nothing.

so i left….the room.

i never run.

you pushed me out with your captain save-a-cis silence.

it’s violence.

and

you’re still pushing and pushing and pushing and pushing 

until me…you know 

i, the "old news” 

just feels like he should just 

fucking fall 

onto the district streets

and she finds it

to her fucking fancy 

to fall

 into your lap

like a damn,,,,zel. 

distressedt.

with a roof over her head outside of your apartment too.

woooooooops!

yip, as she is probably prone to do.

her kind….isn’t new….boo.

her kind isn’t new to me

her kind isn’t new to you

you ever wonder why she feels so familiar to you?

she reminds Me of the girl who told you 

she could never marry you 

and is now trying to date someone just like you

so don’t be so unkind to me 

or to you 

or be so foolish

 as to believe i gave up on you

you gave up on me

and on top of that

you think i just...ran

ran….with what clothing?

the ones you packed up for me and left at the door 

that i was suppose to pick up 

and slide out the back….like a fucking whore?

you just tryna be

a cissie's bae

who stay clownin on trans folks now?

oooooooh issa bet, mo

. i mean.,,,.,,.mhhhh i guess?

—==—

but troooof, i don’t “need" anybody.

but i want you.

but you need her.

that’s how it work, don’t it?????

that’s why you risk job security every day.

and let her leave her panties on my clothes.

and let her tell me i "can stay" in …..A, not MY, spot next to you

in yo'bed?

what fucking fools. the two of you.

but “no one is forcing [me] to"

oh, baby you /are/ forcing me too

i look on your blog and then find out you’ve been feeling “unwelcome in [your] own home”

this whole fucking time

all the way since early november, innit?????

if i love you at all, 

what else am i to do?????????????

??????????????????????????/

know that you will self-destruct 

and just…wait for you to????????????????????

???????????????????????????????/

no

i didn’t run.

you just fucking pushed me.

and you’re still fucking pushing.

and you’ll keep pushing.

bc that is what you do.

embe…..@strawberreli 

se sá’m te konne nu’ou.

you like microblogging so much

so like it if you read this shit

[syrune]

Avalarian Post Mortem

Wow... I can't believe it's over. Before I hurt myself patting my own back I just want to thank all of you. I literally could not have done it without the dedication of my players. You all rock.  You stood by me and my story through the best and worst of it all.  We broke many D&D conventions with this story, episodic plots, mid-game rework, sci-fi themes peppered with eldritch horror and world building That Reshaped The Very Core Of The Races Chosen.

WHAT WENT RIGHT. Well, I had to be doing something right to earn the loyalty I got. These are the beats that I think were hit well over the last year plus of work.

• Episodic story telling ○ Lots Of DMs Like To Cover everything in their story.  Multiple sessions of just ocean would bore us all to tears. Every moment counts when you are on a time limit and worrying about if Gromgar ate before raging would have done nothing to serve the goal of making this fun. It also means that I got to fill time with a lot of fun and engaging subplots that did nothing to further your goals, but still turned out fun. That being said, expect to see this point again. • Boss hooks ○ Boss mechanisms and power have so much that could have been improved with proper management, but I am proud of the fact that all the major bosses had at least one player wanting to kill them. Your desire to kill these fuckers made playing them so fun. • NPCs ○ There were a lot of them! One of the problems story tellers of all kinds have is character voice, how they talk and what about their mannerisms is them. Lots of novice writers make amazing characters, but they are often hard to distinguish because they behave the same. My voices may have sounded the same at times, but I was sooooo happy when players could still guess them based on how they used that same voice. • The story ○ This will show up a LOT. This story was the biggest I ever tackled and it's only half done. I feel like the blight was the Brest thing I did, it had the most time dedicated to it (5 years) and I think it's safe to say that it did a good job keeping you all invested in the plot. • The ships ○ The look on your faces when you lost the shooting star was to kill for. The fact that Jacqueline bitched about it for a week is a testament to the connection you all had. The same could be said every time the Nivastus returned • The Subplots ○ Watching You All Grow As Characters Was A Treat. I don't think a single character ended that game without some major growth. You all owned this world and its stories so well. It would not be wrong to Say you all wrote At least half the story. WHAT WENT WRONG. Short answer, a lot. A lot of great ideas went discarded, a lot of poor ideas were put in. I feel a lot of these things got fixed later on, but it is still important to point those things out, especially those things. The last thing Starfinder needs is a repeat of these mistakes. • Episodic story telling ○ If there is one thing I wish I had done more of, it's fun pirate adventures. I gave you a ship, a captain, and very little government oversight and never once gave you a fucking treasure map to gold and jewels. The point of doing the game this way was to ensure that I could provide creature-of-the-week stories where you get to do little side gigs. I hope to provide more of those in the future, and making them something you stumble onto. • The Trade Guild ○ God that was a good concept… This would have been the perfect way to spur on that idea of little adventures, there were a lot of things that lead to the Trade Guild failing in action, but I think the quest givers were the big thing. All of them felt like just busy work and you never interfaced with the actual citizens for these quests. Moving forward, the trade guild will be just that. Trade, Banking, occasional drop-off job. • Granting levels ○ While it is easier to just say "level up" at the end of a session rather than manage EXP distribution, EXP distribution is soooo much more rewarding. Characters growing based on their individual efforts and being rewarded for creativity with faster leveling could have made gold something of ACTUAL VALUE. 50 XP for doing something impressive is a much easier reward to dish out than another 400 gold that you won't spend because you are loaded down with gold and bling already. • "Hub" settings ○ This is the concept that just about sunk this ship in the harbor.  Moving forward, returning home will be more of a reward and an opportunity for down time rather than the first part of every session, mucking up the time allotments and hindering the exploration. • The Story ○ The journey home, arguably the driving force of the campaign, really fell to the wayside like three sessions in. Voyager did a good job of reminding the characters and the audience that, as cool as the settings are, home was always the goal, and I did a poor job of conveying that. • The rules ○ Let's make this short and sweet, I sucked at the rules, there were lots of things I shot down that I could have tried to work on. Time management is literally the next bullet point so I will kick myself more there. Know that in Starfinder, I will try to understand the rules better sooner. • Time management ○ With everything I wanted to do, so much could never get done. There were a lot of plots that I just cut down or discarded because of time (there was a gang of murderers following you THIS ENTIRE TIME that I never got around to) I think if this was an ordered list, this would be the first bullet point. Hands down. In and out of game, I managed my time poorly. I gave myself little time to write the sessions, I gave myself little time to run the sessions, and the time I spent I could have spent better. Part of this plays into the problems of episodic story telling, it's easier to say "we can finish later" than "this has to get done tonight". • Bosses ○ I could write a decent villain, but I could not build a difficult encounter to save my life. Moving forward, I will try to just kill you all, rather than just "make it a challenge". Killing everything is fun, but I feel there was a lack of stakes when the bosses are stupid easy. • Dungeons ○ Next time, I will just make a fucking dungeon. Even if it's just one, I gotta just make the fucking dungeon and make it make sense. Generators are cool and save so much time, but the things that engaged you most seemed to be the places with logical floor plans and rooms that made sense. Moving forward I will try to do as much as I can by hand, and generate the small stuff. Obviously, there is a LOT I missed as far as good and bad things. These were just the points I felt needed to be addressed before I begin writing "Terrok: Next Generation". Before this finishes, I have a few things I want to point out as stories I never got to tell, either time was wasted, ideas were abandoned part way through thinking them, and some ideas make better television than small-time story telling.

The riptide gang -At one point, the party decided not to deliver weapons to a place and instead sold them to a gripli nation. The gang that you stole from was going to attack you. Idea was scrapped due to time

The ancient treasure -The party finds a treasure map to find a piece of the old world! They follow the map and discover a curious prize, an ancient battery that seems semi functional. Content was thought of AFTER I had already clumsily added the warp core to the campaign.

What is love? This one I went back and forth on. I really wanted to do this story, but I knew you guys were not the ones I wanted to tell it to. -Bravo finds an algorithm that emulates the experience of falling in love. Bravo tests it on Echo, and after it is successful, Echo does the same for Bravo, but in a moment of weakness, erases Bravo's knowledge of Enforcer class warforged, making him oblivious to the fact that he is physically different from Echo. This is a story that, with a larger audience, could have been thought provoking, but ultimately was unnecessary. We all get it, messing with someone's head is wrong and the elimination of gender does not fix gender nothing would have been added with this story

Drow war -The drow was meant from the get-go to be the sworn enemy of Avalar. The war would have made the eventual team up to attack the blight even more entertaining. Cut due to rewrites

The Shadow invasion -The shadow plane was going to be a more constant and oppressive foe. forcing Avalar to fight two different wars at once. Cut due to rewrites

Stranded

-Mellorea falls into a portal that lands her in Avalar at the beginning of a war between Avalar and the Drow Empire. Mellorea needs to find a way back home as the party looks for ways to bring her back. Cut because obvious issues, 1) if you find a way to get her back, you can just use that way to go home, 2) convince Gromgar to try and help her 3) a uniform "I jump in after her" from the party 4) this idea later became the rebellion session

The Death Of Ignis I hated that character, he was a one off joke that only stuck around because I said him instead of Gaarda on accident. That’s my secret folks, you could have had Captian Gaarda if I had not fucked up on Ignis. Anyway, I was going to have the engine blow up and kill him, forcing Meero to use what Lelvi taught her to build a new one. On that note… WHAT WENT WRONG: PART 2 • Ignis ○ Fuck Ignis  So there you have it, folks. The Post Mortem of my campaign. All my thoughts since last night about what we made.

[feelgoodtexts-blog]

Why I love you (more): a continuous list that will never be finished and will always be added on to

1. you make jokes to make me laugh when I am crying 2. You say "oh come here" and hold me tight when I am either on the verge of tears or already balling 3. Even in your sleep you are so very fond of me and speak sweet words to me 4. Even when my body is subzero in temperature when we're cuddling you have to be touching me in some way 5. you H A T E mint chocolate chip ice cream and you never fail to remind me when ice cream comes into conversation because quite frankly it's one of my favorites 6. You once told me "I like that you look like a boy sometimes because then you definitely know I'm not only with you for the sex" 7. You support me 110% through everything that happens with Satan herself k(cunt)ara 8. You make an effort to try and manipulate me into thinking you love me more (which is IMPOSSIBLE) 9. You have an infatuation with my moles and you get more excited about discovering new ones than I do 10. You are so DRAMATIC when you play with my hair and a whole bunch of it is on your fingers 11. you have the most beautiful big brown eyes that just melt me 12. Your little scar on your brow bone is something I love to kiss 13. You make me oh so comfortable in every situation 14. I can giggle even in the middle of sex because I just love you oh so much and you make me happy and I just can't help myself 15. I know nearly everything about you and I always am aware of your ulterior motives 16. You have no secrets from me--I know more than you think I do I just keep most to myself 17. You have opened up to me about your deepest secrets and thoughts 18. You have shared your most troubles times with me and allowed me to comfort you 19. You wash my hair and touch my body with such gentleness and care 20. Your jaw clicks and moves in your sleep and you have no clue 21. Even in your sleep you try to feel me up you just can't help yourself haha 22. From day one you have been so gentle with me and you always make sure I am okay and comfortable in every thing we do 23. Even though you fall asleep during most of them--you let me choose what we watch sometimes just because 24. You love kitties almost as much as I do 25. You also think about our life together 26. You are the best back scratcher--just need to work on duration 27. Although I don't get many, foot massages from you are what I need in my life because they are oh so lovely 28. You think I am the most beautiful person even when I look like a 12 year old prepubescent boy 29. You let me pop your pimples 30. We are both "popaholics"--meaning we loooove pimple popping. We live for it. 31. I love your cute lil butt because mine is bigger !! Haha!! 32. I love your single lil happy trail hair and FUUUUUCK mosquito bites for getting rid of it I will cut her 33. Your lips are so plush and luscious and are made for mine 34. How you were so fascinated when you first discovered the little hairs on my boobs because you had no idea that was a thing😂 35. You are nearly obsessed with everything I hate about myself and it's makes me feel soooo good 36. When we were at the beach and I went skinny dipping and you just sat at the side of the pool just watching me 37. You recognize that I am your superior and I know more than you and that I'm always right but when you're right about something you rub it in my face and I love it 38. You cannnottttt stay mad at me ever 39. One time you got into my car and just looking at me got you hard 40. You let my pluck your brows and you're a big baby about it 41. You always make me walk on the inside of the sidewalk 42. Even when you're mad at me you say I love you and if you don't you make it a point to the next time you decide you want to speak to me 43. Every time we say goodbye you make sure to give me a hug and a kiss 44. We have the cutest lil son together who I am pretty sure is immortal 45. One day we will have more sons which will be human 46. We already have a name picked out for our first human son 47. You bring me out of my deepest depression just with your existence 48. You keep your hair at a length at which I can run my fingers through it 49. You make an effort to understand me 50. You let me put your warm hand on my face because I'm weird and find odd things comforting 51. Sometimes you place your hand on my face without me even asking or having to make the move myself 52. You give me the best kisses 53. Our first kiss was oh so magical 54. After you went home the proceeding our first kiss you extended your surprise that I used tongue 55. I am in love with your tongue and the many uses you have put it to on me 56. You are sooooo ticklish and one day I will get you to let me tickle you 57. every song we've shared whether it have been played once or a million times automatically makes me think of you 58. Everytime I greet you you smell me and you tell me how much you love it or how I smell like home to you 59. You always gift me your shirts 60. You notice any and all changes about me 61. You always feed me 62. You get the pizza the way I want it 63. Your sense of humor is very similar to mine 64. Naps with you are the only naps I want 65. You cuddle me in my favorite ways 66. You please my body in ways I never thought possible 67. You tell me I please you like no other 68. We share similar beliefs and morals 69. We share a similar path in life 70. Every single night for over a month you slept on skype with me because you couldn't see me 71. You dedicated time out of your life to watch the entire series of The Office 72. We have gone through so many things together in life both good and bad 73. You are very honest with me about most things 74. coincidentally your favorite color is the color I am most beautifully dressed in 75. You have never truly disrespected me 76. You used to tag me in sooo many memes 77. Even when you were sooo gone and trashed and drunk and fucked up your mind managed to recall my phone number so you could get ahold of me 78. I have opened up to you more than anyone I have ever encountered 79. You also make me cry more than any other 80. I am yours and you are mine 81. You have taught me patience although through vile ways 82. Despite many setbacks you continue to love and cherish me 83. You care about who I surround myself with how and I present myself 84. You are the one I want to give me children 85. You are the one I want to crawl into bed with every single night 86. You are the only one I want to argue with 87. You are the only one I want to give my body to 88. You are the only one I want to buy a house with 89. You are the only one I want to sip coffee with on the mornings of the cold days 90. You are the only one I want to yell at for not doing the dishes or the laundry like I asked 91. You are the only one I want to pull my hair and spank me when I am in the mood 92. You are the only one I want to go grocery shopping with 93. You are the only one I want to fall asleep on the couch with and beg to carry me to bed because I am too tired to walk 94. You are the only one I want to treasure me and spoil me and love me 95. You are the only one I want to be equal to 96. You are the only one I want to get drunk with and act foolish with 97. You are the only one I want to share my dreams with 98. You are the only one I want to go out to get mcdanks with at 2 am because we are high and hungry 99. You are the only one I want to spend my forever with 100. You are the only one I want to love 101. You are the only one I want to call mine 102. You are the only one I want 103. You are the only one I want to get high with 104. You are the only one I want to share new experiences with 105. You are the only one I want to trip with and stare into your eyes because that is the most beautiful site when I am out of my mind