#brief mentions of polycule/other maia & raphael pairings

[maiaphaelsource]

with maiaphael and religion i definitely think they both have a relationship where they both have a feeling of guilt regarding it mixed with a sense of comfort. i can't really speak on catholicism that much but as a black american especially raised around nyc i can definitely imagine how maia's relationship is. like she most definitely was raised in a semi religious household where it was likely that she had to attend church every sunday aka spending your entire day at church bc (1/?)

the pastor never knew when to stop preaching making you wish you were home because the sound of stomping and people singing becomes too much after the 3rd hour😭. but maia definitely has a weird relationship with church because of the rampant queerphobia/transphobia that's present in black church spaces. but i think that as maia grew older her parents slowly stopped making going to church weekly a requirement and even though she doesn't go as often now there's still some fond moments of probably hanging out with the other kids at sunday brunches or the few out queer people who were always kind to her there. so in regards to helping out at churches with raphael i think it's likely after maia processes the trauma that church brought her and once she does reach a certain place where she can go back w/o heavily feeling the impact of what she endured during childhood she definitely goes to help raphael with volunteering and at the same time the both of them find comfort in being able to talk to someone else who had a similar traumatic experience that fills them with guilt long afterwards. like yea their religion had a negative impact but at the same time there's this sense of comfort that it brings them as it was a place of community. (a little side note, maia most DEFINITELY listen to gospel music. church may have been prolonged but the music hit different!!) over time maiaphael probably helps to provide a safety network to those closeted b/c they both know how it feels to be rejected from a place that preaches community. she's simply immortal hence why she's able to do all these things because why not and plus there's the polycule😌. but yea here was one of my rambles about maiaphael that's not even fully complete (with an additional projection cause attending church for 5+ hours was a nightmare as a child😭)(5/5)- maiaphael anon😎

thank you so much for your headcanons!! i agree completely. i also feel like that relationship is very similar to the relationship many latinos have with religion/church. obviously i can't speak for them all, much less latino immigrants in the US, but yes. to many latinos church is one of the only places where they feel safe and build a sense of community. church is where people help each other, where many celebrations are held, where people feel listened to, etc. and it can feel a bit suffocating at times because if you leave church, you are alone, and shunned, and there's of course the whole relationship with colonialism. churches in latin america have been spaces of both resistance (as traditional and afro religions were mixed with catholicism and it was a place where people got to mutually aid and also where a lot of progressive movements were formed) and oppression (as many people are still forced to stay there if they want to keep getting help, food, and other supplies, not to mention a general sense of community). so it's a very complicated relationship, mixing in fond memories, family, feelings of guilt, fear, being smothered, loneliness and compassion. and it's particularly complicated when you're queer

also, yes, church was endless dudndi god. but ngl, i do love gospel music, esp black us-american gospel music, and i can definitely see maia being into that! especially considering how many black and latino singers start out at church choir and find their love and opportunities to do music there

anyway! my point is that i feel this deeply (and thanks for sharing something so personal with me too) and i feel like it's slightly different because raphael didn't fully get to process his trauma, as he was never away from church except from when he was too busy handling other, worse traumas. and then church became something of a safe haven that brought him comfort in regards to those traumas (while simultaneously bringing in guilt and making him feel like a monster), so, yeah. complicated

i have the headcanon that rosa ended up turning away from church, so maybe he got to deal with some of the trauma through that and defending her against their mom, who meant well, but thought that rosa turning away from catholicism meant abandoning their family/community/culture. i can only imagine how much harder that hits when you're an immigrant, too

but maybe the first time raphael actually got to talk about his trauma was when maia brought it up. and she was like "you know, i haven't been able to get into a church ever since i ran away from home". and raphael turns to her and admits, very quietly, that he can understand that. and he admits to some parts of his issues with religion that he hadn't confessed to anyone (felt too guilty to), not even magnus (especially since magnus had already helped him find his way back to his religion at some personal cost to himself, so how could raphael complain about that to him?)

it just feels good that maia understands and maia is also very happy that raphael gets it because there's always that fear that she will be rejected and shunned for speaking up about how she felt regarding church, especially to someone who still attends it. but raphael understands and welcomes her and relates to her, and she realizes that she hadn't really gotten to talk about that with anyone, either (luke was raised a shadowhunter so he doesn't really get it, jordan obviously didn't care, the rest of the pack or the polycule can't relate as the only one who was raised mundane is jewish)

and for the first time she talks about her trauma without feeling the need to explain or hide anything and she ends up crying in his arms, and raphael holds her and cries a bit, too, but mostly he just comforts her and listens to her and tells her he's so sorry

and slowly she starts to process it and while she won't turn back to christianity she manages to go help with the soup kitchen because it's an opportunity to help other people, and with raphael there, she feels safe :')

also hell yes immortal maia we stan