#breaking into my emergency cbd

[all-pacas]

.

[wonderlandleighleigh]

A quick thank you!

For all the kind words and suggestions about my sleep stuff.

Here’s some specifics now that i have two nights of rest under my belt: 

Under the cut for those who do not care.

I have no trouble falling asleep. Generally I’m good at that. It’s the staying asleep that gets me. I wake up naturally anytime between midnight and 4 in the morning after 2-3 hours of sleep, and THEN I have a hard time falling back asleep because I’m stressed out that I’m awake in the first place. 

I want to stress that it’s not due to night terrors, and I don’t wake up suddenly or violently (though I used to have really terrible night terrors! But thanks to a lot of therapy and living in a safer environment, those are very rare these days). I just. Wake up.

I have tried a multitude of things to help me stay asleep, and the most success I’ve had is CBD. I ran out this week, which is why I was awake for 19 hours.

I don’t like taking melatonin, because it makes me foggy in the morning, and I don’t feel good in the aftermath, but it’s kind of a “break glass in case of emergency” type deal. Which is why I took some the other night.

My CBD came a day early, and when @dettiot walked in from work last night, holding it she sang “HAPPY DAYS ARE HERE AGAIN!” because she is, in fact, pretty funny.

I’m trying CBD gummies for the first time this round, as the last two have been straight oil. Because the oil tastes like ass. It turns out the gummies just...also taste like ass. But someone else’s ass. So. Y’know. 

I slept from 11-12:30 and then got back to sleep really quickly until 4:30 and then was back to sleep by 5:30 and DID NOT WANT TO GET OUT OF BED THIS MORNING so I let myself doze until almost eight (when it’s meds and cat feeding time). I still feel a little groggy today, but it’s much better. Hopefully tonight will be even better. 

[jackylans]

Concept

The concept of this project is to reflect my emotional journey through the challenges of life by capturing dreamscapes. From being beaten down by life's hardships, to falling into despair and shutting myself off, then attempting to emerge from the shadows, and finally overcoming negative emotions—this series of photographs aims to narrate that progression. This is not only an expression of my personal feelings but also a tribute to everyone who has faced life’s challenges. Through this project, I hope to encourage people to confront their inner shadows, bravely overcome their struggles, and find the strength to start anew.

Story Board

I want to unfold this dream into a series of 8 photographs. In this dream, "light" serves as a manifestation of emotions and magnetic fields, influencing the protagonist and helping us analyze his inner state as he navigates various experiences and predicts his next actions. Throughout this journey, he will wander and struggle within both urban and natural settings. 

The demands of work, study, and unexpected events in the city force him to deal with various situations and emotions. Over time, his internal pressure grows, and his emotions become increasingly unstable. Not wanting to burden his friends with his negative feelings, he chooses to remain silent.

Fortunately, he finds solace in the nighttime, where he can escape to different outdoor environments. The contact with nature helps him release much of his negativity, as if nature continuously embraces him and endows him with boundless vitality. His heart begins to heal, and he becomes more positive and emotionally stronger. At this point, he wishes to share this newfound positive energy and magnetic field with those around him who need it. Thus, he returns to his original place, shining brightly.

Breakdown the process

To achieve the 8 scenes for this dream project, I need to break down the entire process into several parts and tackle specific challenges:

1. Finding the Right Presentation Method:

   -Type of Light: What kind of light will be used in each scene? How can the character interact with the light?

   - Color of Light: What colors will be needed to convey different emotions?

   - Light Power and Camera Settings: How will the light power be adjusted during the shoot? What will be the camera parameters?

2. Shooting Locations:

   - Urban Settings: Although my daily life in the city primarily involves school and the CBD main streets, what specific locations and angles will be used?

   - Natural Environments: For nature, which two parks near my home will be chosen?

   - Scene Composition: What will the foreground, middle ground, and background look like in each shot?

3. Character:

   - Interaction: Will it be one person or will there be interaction with passersby?

   - Connection: How will the light, scene, and characters be connected?

   - Emotional States: What will the character's posture be in different emotional states?

   - Realism vs. Surrealism: How realistic or surreal should the portrayal be?

   - Light Coverage: Will the "light" cover the character differently based on the emotions?

4. Shooting Process:

   - Timing: When will the shooting take place?

   - Equipment: What lighting setup is needed? How many tripods are required?

   - Wardrobe: Should the costumes be researched and selected specifically for the scenes?

   - Completion: Will the final images be captured in one session, or should they be divided into several parts and combined in post-production?

By addressing these key areas, I can systematically approach the project and overcome any challenges that arise.

[youyingk]

Maritime Green - Creating an iconic location

[Brand pillars: Open Access, Expansive Engagement]

With everyone using social media, the intention is to make Maritime Green (the area in the picture) an iconic location in Northshore. The seating area underneath the containers and canopies is certainly a resting place from the wind, rain and sun. It is not just a place for people to take a short break, have a coffee and a snack, but it can also become an emerging internet popular spot. In the site tour, we learned that this location in the picture is just perfect to see the sunset and the view of CBD. In other words, at sundown, people can sit here and enjoy a sunset party and feel the bustle of Brisbane City.

My idea was to invite some photographers to shoot here in the early period and bring some tags to attract attention to Northshore, such as "sunset", "sunsetphotograpy" and so on. This attracts more photographers to the site, but also attracts people who love the landscape. And it is sustainable, using existing resources for a long time.

[palepenguinchopshop]

203 Glazier jobs in Sydney Western Suburbs NSW Jora

We would advise that a good firm will provide at least one or the other. It symbolises a level of commitment to quality workmanship and care for your emergency situation. Our commitment to quality finishes, professional craftsmanship and friendly service has seen our business grow rapidly over the last couple of years. We would love to hear from you and help with any window replacement in Castle Hill that you require. Call us for any glass project from small to large, we ensure to provide you with quality craftsmanship and ultimate peace of Commercial Glazier Sydney mind.

Liverpool Glass was established in 1975 to help locals with their glazing and glass needs. From the beginning, the quality of products and service has been the company’s first and foremost consideration. For Liverpool Glass, it’s not about being cheap; it’s always been about offering safe, high grade products installed by a qualified tradesperson, and looking after clients, Sydney wide. Glaziers also remove and replace all types of glass and Aluminium windows, perform window glass replacement and glass coating. If you would like to order a custom glass shower screen, glaziers will also perform the process of glass cutting for you. However, a custom shower screen will cost you more than a standard one because it requires more time to manufacture, more craftsmanship, and since labour costs in Sydney are high.

I've purchased frosted glass for a door and clear glass for windows. Took my broken panel away to the workshop and returned when agreed. The price was fantastic when compared to the 5 other places I rang. Ontime and responsive, replaced our glass within an hour very professional services.Highly recommended. Thank you for coming out to repair the broken window in our warehouse. The work was done quickly and professionally and I would definitely use them again and recommend their services.

We work hard to ensure that there’s minimal interruption, no matter how big or small the job is. Below is a selection of local businesses that provide Glaziers products and services in Sydney. Liverpool Glass is one of Sydney’s leading glass replacement and glazier specialists.

This circumstance results from a difference in the temperature level of the interior surface of glass and the edge, in which the centre is hotter than the edge. If this condition remains unattended without a solution or repair, the glass edge will experience tensile stress. Once the tensile stress on the glass edge exceeds its strength, the glass pane may break.

Ranging from standard laminated glass through to high performance reflective coated glass and everything in between requires a wide range of stocks to be on hand for immediate use. Both double-glazed and laminated glass panels that will aid significantly in blocking external sound. Proper maintenance of your building’s exterior is critical not only in terms of visual appeal, but also in terms of safety and functionality. Conducting facade inspections, cleaning and repairs can be a complex and time-consuming process, however. Fortunately, the use of rope access can make facade maintenance much more simple.

Primal Glass Replacement Sydney CBD provides fast door and window glass repair, replacement and installation. We have many years experience providing high quality glass replacement services to customers all over Sydney NSW and service the surrounding areas of Darlinghurst, Waterloo, Potts Point and more. If your glass products are broken, inoperable, or missing parts, we are your one-stop shop for high-quality glass repairs.

Milton is a glazier with over 10 years experience in window glass repair, door glass replacement and glass installations. Emergency glass repairs are vital for shops and commercial properties because broken glass poses a danger to the public, clients and owners of the business. Our 24-hour emergency glass replacement services remove and replace the hazard of broken glass from your home, office or shop around the clock.

Sydney Glass Replacement, Mirrors, Window Repairs & Glass Doors

Protecting people from injury from flying shards from accidentally shattered windows is something that we really care about. That’s why we use only the highest quality window protection films on all our glass installations and repairs. J & J Glass and Aluminium provides top quality shower screen installations in Sydney.

We respond to emergencies and do the much-needed repair or replacement within an hour to guarantee your security and safety. Whenever you have an emergency, simply contact our glaziers in Sydney on a 24/7 basis for all glass repair services. The team of professional glaziers at Primal Glass Replacement are able to come out and handle all your glazing needs including glass installation & replacement – 24hrs 7 days a week. Sydney Glass Installations is one of the most popular glazing companies in Sydney. For over twenty years we have been working with both domestic and commercial customers, to provide them with high quality products and great customer service.

We handle all things glass and glazing, ranging from installation of splashbacks to shower screens, glass installations, glass replacements and glass cutting services mainly for residential sectors. Our glazier services include mirrors, shower screens, tabletops, leadlights, glass splashbacks and even pet doors. AFG Glass offers glazier services for shops, offices, and homes. We do have work standards and follow them very strictly to provide the best quality work, use high-quality material, proper measurement maintain high work standards.

If you’re looking for a quality glazier in Bexley, here’s what you should look for. You need to make sure that your glazier is well trained, experienced, and certified—this means that he or she will be able to handle most types of installations and repairs efficiently. Glaziers also remove and replace all types of glass and Aluminium windows, perform window glass replacement and glass coating. The first step to correctly install your shower screen is to take the measurements of your bathroom to know what type of glazing and screen you need. Showerland in Sydney offers you the opportunity to request a free measure and quote for your bathroom.

We are a highly successful business, and we need talented people like you to keep us strong. We strive to create a work experience where you can be yourself, achieve great things and feel inspired. We stock an array of glass products that includes standard safety glass and high-performance coated reflective glass, at all times.

Glazier, Glass Repair and Showerscreens in Penrith Sydney Top 3 Recommended Pick

Glass roofs allow much more natural light to illuminate any area while keeping the unwanted parts out. Complete Glass has worked on a wide variety of glass roof projects in homes, commercial buildings, and more. Windows are the most essential factor in heating efficiency and, therefore, in the fuel usage.

Whether you need a glass tabletop cut to size, a broken window fix, or new glass sliding doors, we do the lot. If it is glass related, and you are still not sure, give us a call and we’ll let you know. Our showroom is located in Leichhardt and is open 5 days a week, with an extensive range of glass on display and our expert team on hand to answer your questions.

Our team regularly responds to glass replacement jobs in Balmain. Our fast response times combined with our quality workmanship make CHR the first choice for any glass repair. At Meakin Leadlights we can carry out leadlight and stained glass window repairs on site in your home, restoring your beautiful traditional glass windows to theirs original appearance. Most of the time Thornleigh glass repairs are need is due to broken glass.

To simply explain, commercial glazing is glazing that is used on commercial buildings and almost every commercial building needs it! In contrast residential glazing includes glazing on residential properties like window panes and doors on your home. The bottom line is, too many glaziers in Sydney are not sympathetic to the time sensitive nature of their customers’ glass problems. Since our inception 10 years ago, Complete Glass has never been that kind of company, and we never will be.

Regardless of whether it’s for the home, the shop or anything else, we will give youthe result you deserve, first time around. Fast, quick and efficient when getting the job done to please our customers. If you’re in need of emergency glass repairs, contact the professional glaziers in Penrith. Not only can our window glaziers Sydney and replace glass, they can also supply and install various types of windows, including aluminium, timber and uPVC. You can enjoy peace of mind knowing that we only use the highest quality Australian made glass to ensure that the replacement of your replacement fully complies with Australian safety standards. Whether you are situated in Sydney’s north shore or inner west our team of qualified glaziers are available to deliver top quality glass solutions.

Glaziers Sydney Emergency Window Glazing Services in Sydney

The Oneflare Cost Guide Centre is your one-stop shop to help you set your budget; from smaller tasks to larger projects. Online Glass & Aluminium has the fastest glazier response times in Sydney. Average rating of glaziers in Sydney based on 597 reviews of 38 businesses.

Majestic Glass offers specialized glass cutting for all specifications and purposes needed. We can also install glass for a tinted-look or for protection. We work closely with Australia’s major insurance companies to make processing and filing for a claim, as well as repairing any damage, a hassle-free experience. Contact D.E. Glassimmediately and get a free quote for all your glazing projects. A professional glazing company with more than 20 years experience in the industry.

One of the best ways to improve the energy efficiency of your home is by glazing your windows. Ranging from standard laminated glass through to high performance reflective coated glass and everything in between requires a wide range of stocks to be on hand for immediate use. All glass and glazing in Sydney must comply with the current Australian Standard that applies to glass in buildings. Paul was very responsive and friendly and did a great job replacing glazing on a few windows at our home. For more than 10 years Versatile Glass and Mirrors has provided high quality commercial and domestic glazing work for a wide range of individual needs. We focus on offering top quality insulated glass panes that are filled with safe Argon gas for maximum insulation and energy efficiency.

It depends on the size of the glass, location of the glass and accessibility of the location to remove and install the new panels. Regulations in Australia are always changing and sometimes we need to use glass that was not used previously. This is to ensure that we keep to Australian Safety Standards and make sure that your family or employees are always safe. This ensures the tradesperson is fully insured and has demonstrated an understanding of local health and safety requirements. Firstly, you would never trust an unqualified individual to perform heart surgery without having received their university qualification. It's imperative you employ a fully qualified Glazier for your home or business' newest project.

This type of glass comes with special thermal properties, this glass helps insulate your home by reflecting thermal radiation. If your licence or certificate has been damaged, lost or stolen, you can order a replacement at a Service NSW centre. If you do not renew on time and your licence expires, you may have to apply to have your licence restored and pay a restoration fee. You have three months from the date of expiry to restore your licence or certificate. You can use the details on your renewal form to apply to restore your licence at a Service NSW centre. To get a licence or certificate to do glazing, you must complete one of the qualifications listed below.

People who own older homes often desire to maintain the historical style and character of Glazier Sydney Inner West a certain era. Thus, it becomes a big issue when glass windows in such homes demand a replacement. The kind of work that should be done on your windows will determine whether you need to hire professional glaziers to do the work for you. Generally, windows in older homes may not be easily replaceable.

By replacing your existing window glass with low-e glazing, Complete Glass can improve glass repairs sydney the energy efficiency of your home, reduce your monthly bills and decrease the size of your carbon footprint. Complete Glass has quality energy efficient glass that retains the warmness within the home. The advantages of having an efficient glazing solution in your Baulkham Hills home includes a decrease of carbon impression, improved home security and noise decrease.

Trust in the Lane Cove experts to get it done right the first time. Call us today to manage your emergency glass repairing needs. Place your trust in us, we know how much of a burden broken glass windows and doors can be in Lane Cove – they always seem to happen at the most inconvenient times.

Professional Glazier in Melbourne

We offer 24-hour emergency broken aluminum window repairs and replacement services in Sydney, our glaziers Sydney are available 24/7 a week. As experienced emergency glass replacement service providers, we are your one-stop shop for all your window, sliding door and even shower screen replacements! Broken glass is a hazard – so don’t wait until tomorrow – call us today!

We understand every project has a budget, our team can assist you in making an informed decision on the right glass and installation arrangement to meet your requirements. Give us a call today to arrange your repair or installation. Since opening our doors, we’ve been committed to providing service of the highest quality, paying particular attention to working efficiently while keeping the lines of communication with our clients clear and concise. Our fully qualified glaziers service all suburbs in the metro area within around 40 kilometers of the Perth CBD, Western Australia.

With a long list of satisfied clients, you can rest assured that when you hire the services of RL & RJ John Glass Glaziers, you are dealing with a reliable and trustworthy business. Mr Glazier Pty Ltd offers a free measure and quote service and operates all over Sydney extending from the Eastern and Western suburbs to Sydney’s Northern Beaches. Mr Glazier Pty Ltd also operates outside of the Sydney region upon request.

Any time of the day or night in Melbourne’s inner suburbs, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. From glass and window installation to replacement works, Doveton Glass has it all for you. Part of the reason we are the preferred glaziers of so many residents and business owners in Melbourne is our ability to reduce your costs without making any sacrifice on the high standards we hold ourselves to.

Master your techniques in professional environments and establish a name for yourself. Come and discover the niche makeup courses on the makeup courses Sydney website and enjoy an exciting and stimulating career as a professional makeup artist. Our free referral service will match you with 3 local glaziers that are available and want your work.

Fortunately, the use of rope access can make facade maintenance much more simple. We also offer 'on the spot' glass and mirrors cut to size for trade and general public including picture frame glass. You will find that most glaziers in Perth will have a wide range of glass shapes, sizes and types in stock.

And best of all there is no deposit required and we accept payment by way of cash, credit card or EFTPOS when we complete your work. We had a fully frameless glass pool fence with an extra high panel to cover an outdoor kitchen as well as a glass balustrade fitted by Coastline frameless glass. We’re in Canberra and they made it easy to deal with them despite being Sydney based. We are very happy with both the pool fence and balustrade, the price was very competitive and the service was friendly, helpful and very professional.

Roger Merhi is a glass repair specialist and has been providing window glass replacement and door glass repair services for over 10 years. He brings all his expertise to Primal Glass Replacement and currently services the Sydney Eastern Suburbs. If you’re looking for commercial or residential glass repair and replacement services in the Eastern suburbs of Sydney, Majestic Glass delivers a professional, reliable, and quality service for all glazing situations. And need immediate glass repairs, AAA Glass can help you.

The best value services in Sydney

https://glassified.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/commercial-glass-repairs-sydney-emergency-glass.jpg

Learn about the best window options to consider and choose from when looking for a window replacement in Castle Hill from Complete Glass. If your glass is broken, removal of this glass can be extremely dangerous, therefore a trained professional is required for this type of work. So, either wood or aluminium frames should be worked on by a qualified glazier.

This experience starts with our sales staff over the phone and ends with our highly trained glaziers on site. The number of repeat customers we have is something we are proud of and continues to generate word of mouth business. In the vast majority of cases, we can help you with your glass repair on the first visit. If for any reason this is not possible, we will help you boardup your window or door to help prevent further damage to your property. Reasonable price, quick response, fulfilled all the requirements. We will try our best to repair your broken glass with the same type of glass, depending on its availability.

Your home is exposed to factors such as poor insulation and energy loss and as a result, will be less efficient in climate control. If your home requires more heating and cooling this will in turn will increase your electricity costs. Heat gain & loss through windows are responsible for 25%-30% of residential energy use.

Without proper gear or tools, it can be very dangerous and could be life threatening if Window Glazier not done properly. Give your tables a new, stylish look with our custom tabletop glazing solutions. Custom, made to order glass can be delivered and installed in less than 24 hours.

Our products comply with Australian Standards and our services are guaranteed, meaning you can rest assured you are dealing with the best in the business. We're punctual, polite and efficient, and we'll safely remove any broken glass from your property. Majestic Glass installation works are in compliance with the Australian Standard AS1288 and are carried glass replacement sydney out by our in house trained expert glaziers. Khalil Chahine has announced the opening of his new company, Splendid Window Glass Repairs. The company will specialize in glass replacement for both commercial and residential properties. J & J Glass and Aluminium provides top quality shower screen installations in Sydney.

Whatever the project and its difficulty, we can plan quickly and have it completed in an appropriate schedule. Complete Glass are experts at working quickly and with an eye for detail. Due to the company’s outstanding work, Complete Glass has gained a reputation in Campbelltown for its excellent service. Simply put, we are one of the best glass installation, repair and maintenance companies in Australia. With our outstanding experience, personalized service, cutting-edge technology and strict safety standards, we can provide you the kind of results that will

[somnolent-snufkin]

So I'm on the autism spectrum and I have anxiety. I've also got a whole bunch of medical problems and mental health problems. For the past five years, my mum has taught me to pack for every possible emergency when we go on vacations. Every sensory issue, annoying situation, and panic attack.She always did this for our family, and now it's my turn to make sure I have all the stuff in my bag.

My coworkers also have the occasional situation where they need antacids or a bandaid. So, I've started packing my work bag with all the stuff I might need in that scenario.

A while ago I had made a post about all the stuff I keep in my bag for little emergencies, and now I've updated it to have even more!

The list now includes:

CBD Gummies, Antacids, Tylonel, and Papaya pills

Toothpicks & Q-Tips

Pads (Pantiliners/lightweight)

Lens wipes

Bandaids (Small, medium, and large)

Alcohol pads

More information, stories, and advice below...

About some of the choices here:

I don't have periods anymore thanks to my medications. But I know that my female coworkers still have them. A lot of them are low on funds and can't afford feminine hygiene products. So, to make sure I can support my fellow menstruating folks, I always have at least the lightweight/pantiliner kind. I still experience leakage regardless of my medication, so I still wear those everyday too.

After a coworker of mine cut his finger while unpacking supplies from the back, he tried to ask for bandages. But our store didn't have a first aid kit. So he wrapped his finger in the plastic from the box, taped it, and tried to go about his day. I overheard him talking about needing a bandaid, walked in saying "You need a bandaid? Hang on, I got one.." and then left to the break room. He made a little applause noise while saying "Yay, Bridget's saving the day!" He's a friendly guy with a sense of humor. It seemed like the others appreciated it too. I came back and gave him the band-aid. He was really happy to not have a wad of plastic around his finger. Because of this whole event, I always pack lots of fun bandaids.

I always bring one gummy, two antacids, and two doses of Tylenol everywhere I go. I have terrible indigestion and I get anxiety a lot as well. So I always bring antacids for the acid reflux and CBD for the anxiety. My coworker Russelle also really appreciated it when I gave her an antacid one day while she was working her last hour of her shift. She was tired, didn't know how to ask for one, and just described what sounded like acid reflux to me. I brought her one and she appreciated it.

So that's my everything-you-might-need-or-want bag! I hope some of my followers who also experience anxiety or health problems can take note from this. This has been really helpful and I've been doing it for years now.

Always be prepared, guys!

[booksandwords]

Kindred: 12 Queer #LoveOzYA Stories (Anthology)

Read time: 3 Days Rating: 4/5

Edited by Michael Earp Contains contributions by: Marlee Jane Ward, Erin Gough, Michael Earp, Jax Jacki Brown, Claire G Coleman, Nevo Zisin, Jen Wilde, Christos Tsiolkas, Ellen van Neerven, Omar Sakr, Alison Evans and Benjamin Law

Overall This is just a diverse collection of stories aimed squarely at young people. Most of the protagonists are in their mid to late teens or are trying to deal with issues from that point. I would argue that as usual, it is not diverse enough. No one is intersex, no one is ace or aroace, I don't think any of the main characters is trans. But what it does give us is indigenous and disability voices.

Rats by Marlee Jane Ward Lesbian Featuring narrator Michielle and interest Maita. It's so very Melbourne it uses our iconic places and the pace of our CBD to drive the story. It feels a bit like a slice of life for the chaotic Michelle. Honestly, it's quite an effective opening.

In Case of Emergency, Break Glass by Erin Gough Lesbian or Bisexual, Awakening Featuring narrator Amy and interest Reg. Amy is 16 and kissing her boyfriend is uninspiring to her. While catering at a fancy party she meets Reg. Amy and Reg have this perfect little space that is in almost direct opposition to everything else Amy is with in the story. It is all presented so well the awakening, the flight.

Bitter Draught by Michael Earp Gay Featuring narrator Simeon and interest Wyll, with a cameo by Wren an nb Witch. It's a simple-ish find the witch save the girl story. It feels like historical fantasy. It's a well-constructed story short story working well with trope and genre limits, expectations. But it is oh so bittersweet.

I Like Your Rotation by Jax Jacki Brown Lesbian, Disability Featuring narrator Jem and interest Drew. Both Jem and Drew are in wheelchairs, though different kinds of chairs. The story kinda focuses a bit on the otherness and exclusion that can appear even in queer safe spaces. That idea of protection. It ends in a perfect place of both pain and optimism.

Sweet by Claire G Coleman Non Binary Featuring narrator Roxy and their mad bunch of friends. This is set in a dystopia where gender is illegal, of note is race, Roxy and all her friends are indigenous. Sweet as a story is brilliant playing well on role reversal and fear. The characters are captivating, particularly Sweet herself and Roxy. You want to see them all thrive. Even in such a short story, there are indications of developed lore, Coleman has clearly thought it out well.

Light Bulb by Nevo Zisin Non Binary or Agender Featuring a nameless narrator. Light Bulb in one phrase... positively weird. It uses a lot of symbolism and metaphor. This is the kinda one that you just has to be read. But it is good.

Waiting by Jen Wilde Bisexuality, Lesbian, (lowkey Autism) Featuring narrator Audrey and interest Josie. Audrey is autistic and bi, a fangirl, from what I know iconic Jen Wilde. This has one of my fave quips about fandom vs sport. "Can I ask you something?" [...] "What's the difference between us being cosplay, and you going to the footy in your team's jersey?" [...] "I'm genuinely curious about this," she continues. "We're here as fans, some of us cosplay. And you're going to the football as a fan, in your own kind of cosplay" - Josie. I have removed the idiot boys' responses because they are less than useful. This one is coming of age brilliance that really makes me want to read Queens of Geek. It's relatable to an adult that community vibe that cons present like nothing else. Yes, like those who are queer we are outsiders nearly everywhere else but get us together and it is like home. A home made up of a loud, eclectic family.

Laura Nyro at the Wedding by Christos Tsiolkas Gay Featuring narrator Jack and boyfriend Paul. I'm going to be honest this is the story that stayed with me. This is the longest of the stories at 30 pages, Jack and Paul are also the oldest protagonists. Set in Victoria with at least one migrant protagonist, Serbian Paul. I'm going to put the rest under spoiler because this goes heavy fast.The focus of this is the queerness as in the otherness of having a weight over you, something not about you. It's the power of forgiveness, the impact of the other on family units. I know it is a short story but the story does just end.

Each City by Ellen van Neerven Queer Featuring an unnamed narrator and interest Talvan. Set in a slightly dystopian future both main characters are indigenous. The protagonist is running for her safety after gaining government attention as an activist. It's an odd story but I couldn't be more white if I tried, this isn't my culture.

An Arab Werewolf in Liverpool by Omar Sakr Gay Featuring narrator Wafat and interest Noah. Unsurprisingly this is supernatural fiction but also adds the cultural other of Islam. It's fun and will likely speak to people of faith. Not just Islam but other faiths as well. I do like it for its variation, it's nice to have the supernatural element covered.

Stormlines by Alison Evans Non Binary Featuring narrator Marling and interest New. These two use ve and they pronouns respectively. This is not a romance, it is a story of home. It's effective storytelling if slightly predictable. Alison pushes a neutral pronoun agenda which is always a welcome approach. It gives people permission, options, freedom, license.

Questions to Ask Straight Relatives by Benjamin Law Gay/Queer Unlike the other stories in the collection, this isn't a fictional story. It's a mix of a personal story and advice for people of any identity. "Coming out as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex or queer can be a massive relief, but it also usually marks the start of having to answer questions from straight people for the rest of your life."... for the rest of your life. now isn't that the scariest part of this coming out thing. Honestly, this section contains just plain brilliant advice for queer people of identity at any point in their life. I can see why Michael Earp positioned it last in the book.

[caught-in-a-seesaw-stigma]

Rejuvenation

For @jamaisjoons​ ‘The Summer Bucketlist: BTS Edition Collab’

Pairing(s): Yoongi x Reader x Hoseok (featuring Jungkook & Jimin w/ mentions of the others)

Genre: non-idol AU; Spa Owners/Workers, fluff, smut, dash of angst

Prompt: Treat Yourself to a Spa Day

Word Count: 12.5k+

Summary: You finally get a break from work and you decide to indulge in a little pampering and self-care. During lunch, your friend slips a card into your hand for an exclusive spa with a special referral discount. How can you resist? Let’s hope the Bangtan Blossoms Spa provides the relaxation & rejuvenation experience you desperately seek.

Warnings: cursing & vulgar language, sexual innuendos, penetrative sex, fingering, oral (female/male receiving), protected sex, body worship, praise kink, butt plug, nipple play, nipple clamps, hair pulling, choking, sex toy play, exhibitionism, triple penetration, anal play, pussy slapping, spanking

------------

The quaint stone building in front of you was the quintessential facade for a spa. The cobblestone walkway, the rocky texture on the outside walls, and the elaborate fountain surrounded by perfectly manicured foliage all perpetuated the illusion of escape from reality.

You looked at the matte black card in your hand and noted the embossed logo on the front. The mirrored geometric shapes were reminiscent of doors opening. You turned the card over and read the golden script scrawled across it.

Bangtan Blossoms Spa Member Referral Code: STAYGOLD 613 Journey Road Appointment: 9:00 AM

Your friend Danae could not stop talking about this place and when she’d handed over this referral card, you had half a mind to refuse it, but the appeal of a free relaxing spa day was too great to pass up. So you took the card and tucked it away, promising to call and make your appointment as soon as your lunch date was over.

Once you entered the lobby, the comforting scent of lavender enveloped your senses. The diffusers near the entrance were emitting wisps of scented fog, and your mind was immediately eased.

“Welcome to Bangtan Blossoms Spa,” announced the tall drink of water behind the reception desk. “I’m Jungkook, how can I help you today?”

You took a second to drink up the sleek raven hair tinged with blue, the tight black shirt clinging to a perfectly sculpted chest, and the unbuttoned modern hanbok hanging from his shoulders. His delicate pink lips were pulled into an eager smile and you couldn’t help returning it in kind.

He’s way too sweet and too young to be a spa worker. Maybe’s he’s an intern?

“Hi,” you smiled while handing over your appointment card. “I have a 9:00 am appointment.”

“Ok, let me get you signed in,” Jungkook exclaimed while typing in your information. “Oh, wow, you got one of the 2 for 1 specials? That’s awesome!”

“Really?” you asked Jungkook while peering over at the screen. “Where does it say that?”

“It says right here that you got the [Stay Gold Sope Summer Package],” Jungkook confirmed with a jubilant smile. “That means that Yoongi-hyung and Hobi-hyung will be your specialists. You’re in for a real treat today.”

“Jungkook!” called out a sharp silvery voice. “You are supposed to use their professional names when we’re at work.”

Jungkook visibly wilted and you noticed his bottom lip disappearing between his teeth. From behind a set of thick curtains emerged a perfectly coiffed head of platinum blonde, and you were momentarily stunned by his sumptuous rosy lips collected into an adorable pout. His sharp eyes flickered across Jungkook’s sheepish figure and he shook his head in disappointment.

“Seriously,” the blonde vision sighed airily. “This is why I don’t like leaving you alone at reception. You’re always breaking the rules.”

“I’m sorry, Jimin-ssi,” Jungkook groaned before panicking and correcting himself. “I mean, I’m sorry, Jimin.”

Jimin stepped past the curtain and smoothed out the smoky silk shirt draped across his delicate physique. Jungkook reluctantly relinquished his position in front of the computer and he pouted as Jimin shook his head at him in disapproval.

“It’s ok, Jungkook,” Jimin insisted in his mellifluous tone. “Just try to remember how we’re supposed to behave while we’re here. We want our clients to think of us as professionals, ok?”

“I know,” Jungkook replied. “I just forget sometimes, that’s all. Anyway, she’s here for her treatment. She has the [Stay Gold Sope Summer Package].”

“Ah, yes,” Jimin grinned while turning to address you directly. “Your specialists today will be Suga and J-Hope, or as we like to call the pair, Sope. My name is Jimin and you’ve already met Jungkook. Here at Bangtan Blossoms Spa, we make sure that our clients are given the very best that we have to offer. I hope you will enjoy your experience with us today.”

“Thank you,” you smiled at Jimin. “Jungkook was very welcoming and he was very helpful. Don’t be too hard on him.”

“Don’t worry about me,” Jungkook smirked. “I’m a big boy. I can take it.”

Your face flushed with heat at his words and Jimin giggled at Jungkook’s slip of the tongue.

“Jungkook, why don’t you let Suga and J-Hope know that their client is here,” Jimin suggested. “I will show her to her room so she can get ready for them.”

Jungkook nodded and smiled sweetly at you. He reached over to lift your hand to his lips, and you gawked at the assortment of tattoos peeking out beneath his hanbok sleeve. Jungkook released your hand and bowed slightly to you before lifting his brilliant cocoa colored eyes to meet your gaze.

“Have fun today,” Jungkook murmured cutely. “Maybe next time, you can choose me as your specialist? Satisfaction guaranteed.”

His lips pulled into a seductive smirk and he winked playfully before dashing behind the curtains out of sight. You felt a rush of heat creep across your body and Jimin giggled at Jungkook’s little flirtatious display before turning his attention back to you.

Ok, there was no preparing for that. That boy has trouble written all over him. Literally.

“Cheeky, isn’t he?” Jimin mused. “He’s our youngest specialist, but don’t let that fool you. He’s highly qualified and has outstanding client reviews, just like the rest of us here at Bangtan Blossoms Spa.”

“Good to know,” you smirked. “So, now what?”

‘Now, my lovely client,” Jimin continued while he stepped behind the reception desk and lifted a large canvas tote with the spa’s logo printed on it. “We take you to get ready for your spa treatment. This summer special entitles you to our finest combination of treatments and it will take some time. I promise that you will leave here feeling like a new woman.”

Jimin handed over the tote, and you gasped at the fluffy white robe embroidered in purple with the spa’s logo. There were also various items tucked beneath the robe, but there was no time to look at them. Jimin offered his arm to you and gently escorted you behind the curtain and into a long hallway with numerous doors. He stopped in front of the room number “7” and handed over an elaborate golden key.

“This is your private room for today,” Jimin announced. “You will have the only key to the room, so feel free to leave your personal possessions within. You may also enjoy the complimentary refreshments, and please don’t hesitate to use the intercom to call me at the front desk. I will be more than happy to assist you with whatever you need.”

“Thank you, Jimin,” you smiled. “I’ll remember that.”

“Please do,” Jimin quirked lasciviously. “I would love to be of service to you.”

He lifted your free hand and planted a lingering kiss on the inside of your wrist. After giving you a smile full of insinuation, Jimin turned and walked down the hall toward the curtained entrance. He paused and ran his fingers through his blonde locks before shooting one last smoldering look at you then disappearing into the reception area. You released the breath you didn’t realize you’d been holding.

Is everyone here just insanely attractive and fueled by desire? My brain is getting flooded by naughty thoughts.

Still flustered, you fumbled with the golden key in your hand, but once you were inside, you couldn’t help but gawk at the plush interior. There was an overstuffed purple lounger, a small walk-in closet, a full bathroom, a vanity table complete with LED bulbs along the edge, and a fully stocked wet bar. The side shelf displayed a variety of snacks and drinks, as well as various bath products infused with various essential oils. You noted the plethora of labels with bright green leaf stickers announcing the presence of either THC or CBD hemp oils.

Well isn’t that interesting? This place just keeps getting better and better.

You were no stranger to the wonders of cannabis and hemp; in fact, you and your girlfriends kept CBD and THC products in stock for medical and recreational purposes. You lifted a glittering bath bomb labeled Mikrokosmos and ran your thumb across the CBD sticker reverently.

“I bet you feel amazing,” you whispered to the tightly packed purple granules. “A nice hot bubble bath with you to soothe my aching muscles? Yes, please.”

A soft knock resounded behind you and you dropped your things on the lounger before walking back to open the door. The two men who greeted you were unbelievably attractive, and you were awestruck by the bright shining smile on one face and the mysteriously stoic face of the other.

“Hello,” chirped the ball of sunshine. “My name is J-Hope and this is my partner, Suga. We’re here to give you the ultimate Sope spa treatment.”

‘That was not the introduction we agreed on,” grumbled his partner. “Why did you make me practice that intro if you were just going to commandeer the entire thing?”

“Whoops,” giggled Mr. Sunshine. “Sorry about that. We can do it again, if you want.”

Mr. Grumblecakes pouted and shook his head slightly. You almost cooed at his knitted brow and puckered lips, but then he spoke again.

“What’s the point? The moment’s lost now,” Suga responded in pout. “Besides, we have more important matters to attend to, don’t we?”

His feline eyes lifted to meet your own and his pouty lips pulled up into a flirtatious smirk. You were taken aback at the duality between his previous cuteness and the unmistakable swagger that now greeted you.

“So, are you going to invite us in, beautiful?” he quipped. “Or should we wait for you in the hallway?”

“Oh, sorry,” you apologized quickly, while ushering them into your room. “Jimin didn’t tell me when to expect you.”

“Ah, Jimin,” J-Hope chuckled while nudging Suga’s arm. “We’re going to have to give him hell later. RM already talked to him about staying focused while on the job.”

“I know,” Suga grinned. “We should’ve just left Jin or V in charge of reception. They’re consistently attentive to the clients.”

“Yeah, but they’re both in high demand right now,” J-Hope guffawed. “Tall, dark, and handsome are hard to resist in this business, aren’t they, sweetheart?”

You glanced at him before sweeping your sharp eyes across their lean frames. Whatever they thought they were lacking in physical appearance was diminished by their larger than life personalities. J-Hope’s infectious aura perfectly balanced the sultry stylings of Suga, and together, you could tell that you would have your hands full.

In more ways than one...oh, if only…

“Actually,” you replied. “I don’t focus too much on physical appearances. I’m attracted to what’s underneath.”

“Oh really?” mused Suga while tugging at his waistband. “Is that an invitation to take off our clothes?”

“What?” you sputtered. “I didn’t mean-”

“Relax, princess,” J-Hope giggled, coming to your rescue. “Suga is just a big flirt. I see Jimin remembered to give you the complimentary spa tote. Why don’t you take it into the bathroom and read the enclosed card? We’ll wait for you here and then take you for your first treatment of the day. How does that sound?”

You took one last look at the smug look on Suga’s face before he wrinkled his nose at you and you couldn’t help smiling at the cute facial expression. His face bloomed into a full gummy smile at your reaction and you blushed in response.

These guys are adorable and deadly. This is going to be a long day.

J-Hope chuckled as he handed you the spa tote and gestured toward the bathroom door. You took one last glance at the charming pair and closed the door before your mind started wandering further.

You reached into the tote and found a creamy envelope nestled in the fluffy robe. The thick ivory card inside was inked in deep purple and read:

Welcome to Bangtan Blossoms Spa! Please undress to your level of comfort and feel free to use the complimentary robe during your stay with us. We’ve also included an assortment of special spa items that you can use to enhance your spa experience. Please be assured that every experience at Bangtan Blossoms Spa is based on your consent, so don’t feel pressured to indulge in any spa experience that makes you uncomfortable. Just give your specialists your comfort level based on the scale below. Your satisfaction is our ultimate goal, so please don’t hesitate to speak yourself and we promise to comply. Enjoy your stay with us today, and we look forward to your visits in the future!

~ Bangtan Blossoms Spa

COMFORT LEVEL INDICATOR

(Very Uncomfortable) 1 to 7 (Absolutely Comfortable)

You read the card twice and the words “consent” and “comfort” piqued your interest. Typical spa experiences were pretty standard: massages, mani-pedi packages, facials, etc. Your imagination wandered down a path that was completely inappropriate as you tried to conjure up a spa experience that would be concerned with your comfort and consent, especially if it involved a particular pair of specialists.

I could definitely think of a few things I would consent to with them.

You set the card aside and pulled out the robe. As you were unfolding it, you glanced at the bottom of the tote and saw a pair of spongy sandals as well as several boxes and bottles. You pulled out each item and laid them on the counter, marveling at the variety of lubricants, lotions, oils, and adult toys in the collection.

What the fuck? Are they serious? Am I really allowed to use this stuff at the spa?

You quickly read the card again and giggled slightly. With one more look at your newly acquired playtime items, your curiosity reached epic proportions.

Oh, hell yeah. My comfort level just shot up to 7.

With a whirlwind of possibilities circling your brain, you undressed and covered your bare body with the fluffy bathrobe. The luscious fabric felt incredible on your bare skin and the sandals were already doing wonders for your feet.

I don’t know where they get their spa swag, but the quality is amazing.

You unpacked the various toys from their packages and slipped them into your tote along with the other items. You took one last look at your reflection in the mirror and took a deep breath.  

Let’s see what these guys have in store for me today.

--------------

“Go ahead and have a seat, princess,” J-Hope instructed. “Suga and I need to get a few things ready before we start this treatment. Go ahead and put your hair up with this before we get started.”

He handed you a scrunchie and you pulled your hair into a tucked ponytail. The small room was outfitted with a padded table on one side and a set of cabinets on the other. Suga and J-Hope were busy mixing various oils and minerals into a large bowl with their gloved hands.

“I’m guessing this is some kind of salt scrub?” you predicted aloud. “You guys going to scrub the evil out of me?”

“Not exactly,” J-Hope replied. “This is a mix of coarse salt and raw sugar. The different sizes of granules polish off any dead skin or imperfections on your body. We’re also adding extracts of ginseng and cayenne to stimulate your pores and get some of those toxins out of your body.”

“So you can keep the evil, beautiful,” Suga quirked. “Keeps things interesting.”

“You guys aren’t like other spa specialists I’ve encountered,” you commented. “Most are so reserved and formal.”

“Ah, yeah, we’ve met some of those people,” J-Hope chuckled. “So uptight.’

“Our company policy is to make the customer as comfortable and satisfied as possible,” Suga continued. “Happy customers are repeat customers. We’ve discovered that we can spread more happiness by just being ourselves and by offering customers a more immersive experience.”

“How immersive?” you probed, thinking of the items in your tote.

J-Hope grinned and looked up at Suga, who smirked before winking at you.

“As immersive as you want, beautiful,” Suga replied. “J-Hope and I are yours for the day. Just let us know what we can do to make your stay with us as pleasurable as possible.

Your eyebrow quirked at his mention of “pleasurable” and you leaned over to open your tote and pull out the wireless vibrating egg and a bottle of lube. Suga’s gummy smile made another appearance and J-Hope’s grin increased in wattage as you fiddled with the buttons on the sleek black toy.

“Want me to help you with that, princess?” J-Hope offered sweetly. “There are some functions on that toy that I think you’d be very interested in.”

You smiled at his offer and held the toy out to him. He lifted his hands out of the bowl to discard the gloves and walked over to the side sink to wash his hands. You glanced over at Suga to gauge his reaction.

“Go ahead, beautiful,” Suga murmured. “I’ll finish getting this ready while J-Hope preps you.”

“Did you bring your phone with you, princess?” J-Hope queried. “We have a wireless charging station over here if you’d like to charge it.”

“Ummm, sure,” you replied, standing up with your phone in hand and the egg in the other. “Does this also need to be charged?”

“No, we make sure they are all fully charged before we give them to the clients,” J-Hope assured you. “What’s a toy if you can’t play with it right away? Here, let me show you how to use it, yeah?”

J-Hope put on a new set of gloves and helped you download an app to control the functions of your new toy and even showed you how to sync it to a music playlist which would match the vibrations to the rhythms of each song.

“So pick out your music and you’re good to go,” J-Hope remarked. “Would like me to get you started, princess? I think Suga is ready to start your treatment.”

You glanced over at Suga with questioning eyes and his lips quirked into a small smile.

“It’s ok, beautiful,” Suga cooed. “You and I can play later, I promise. Why don’t you get that robe off for us and lie on the table, huh?”

You giggled at his adorable response and handed over your phone and toy to J-Hope before stepping away to disrobe. You unabashedly slid the robe down your body and tossed it on the chair before laying facedown on the table. You shifted your gaze to Suga to catch his eyes roving over your naked form in appreciation. You both shared a wicked smile as J-Hope turned on the toy and filled the room with a soft buzzing sound. He made sure the velvety egg was properly synced to your phone and then walked over to the table.

“Now, princess,” he began. “Do you have a preference on where I put this little toy?”

“Specialist’s choice,” you challenged. “I trust you.”

A large slender hand wrapped around your calf causing you to jolt slightly. Your elevated heart rate slowed as J-Hope massaged your calf lightly.

“Comfort level, princess?” J-Hope asked. “I need to know before I continue.”

“7,” you hummed. “Definitely a 7.”

“You’re so eager,” Suga chuckled. “I like that. Are you ready for your scrubdown, beautiful?”

“Absolutely,” you breathed out as J-Hope continued to massage your legs. “Whatever is in that bowl smells heavenly.”

“We added some essential oils to relax you as we scrub,” he informed you while grabbing a handful of the mixture. “I have to warn you, this treatment is a little intense. The ginseng is going to energize you, but the cayenne is going to make your skin feel heated. If it’s too much, you need to let us know.”

“I will,” you promised. “Thank you for the warning.”

“Ok, then I’m going to start,” Suga announced. “J-Hope will join me as soon as he gets that toy of yours situated.”

“Oh yeah?” you mused. “And when is he-”

Soothing instrumental music filled the room as J-Hope started your playlist. You yelped as you felt the pulsating vibrations on the back of your thigh. J-Hope began simultaneously massaging your lower limbs while trailing the vibrating egg along your skin.

“Ah, J-Hope,” you preened. “Don’t tease me.”

“No?” he giggled. “You seem to like it? Just look at how aroused you are right now.”

J-Hope slipped the egg between your legs and gathered the arousal leaking down your thighs. He rubbed the tip across your glistening slit and relished the subtle undulations he was causing.

“Hold still for a moment, princess,” J-Hope instructed. “I need to get this inside of you so I can help Suga.”

The vibrations left your body as Suga stood at the front of the table just in front of your face. He leaned forward and spread two handfuls of the scrub mixture across your back and began lightly massaging it into your upper back and shoulders. The rough texture paired with the soothing scent felt magnificent and the slight pressure he was using caused you to moan out softly.

“That feels so good, Suga,” you gasped. “Your hands are magical.”

“Magical, huh?” Suga smirked. “Just wait until later, beautiful. My hands can do so much more.”

He continued to scrub your shoulders and arms while you noticed the buzzing sound approaching the table once again. Before you could ask any questions, you felt a hand grip the back of your thigh. J-Hope’s thumb rubbed small circles while getting closer to your dripping center. The now lubricated egg made another appearance at your entrance and he slowly worked it inside while reaching underneath you to stimulate your hardened clit.

Once the egg was fully inside, you could feel it grazing just below your G-spot and your hips writhed slightly trying to reach that one spot. You tried to arch your back, but both Suga and J-Hope braced your body to hold you still.

“Try not to move too much, sweetheart,” Suga suggested. “This treatment works best if you hold still. Let us move your body for you.”

“But it feels so good,” you whimpered as the vibrations to the beat of your selected playlist.

“I know it does,” chuckled J-Hope. “Be a good girl and let us take care of you, yeah?”

You took a deep breath and resisted the urge to squirm on the table. Four hands began scrubbing your skin with the oiled salt-sugar mixture and you couldn’t decide what was more distracting: their skilled hands or the little bundle of pleasure edging you with every down beat. Each sweeping motion tingled and the added bonus of exfoliation intensified the overall sensations you were experiencing. You started to find a manageable position to endure both their ministrations and the stimulation down below, but then Suga tapped you on the shoulder and asked you to turn over.

As soon as you got onto your back, you realized that you were in trouble. Your nipples were standing fully erect and both J-Hope and Suga now had a clear view of the copious arousal leaking out of your hypersensitive sex. In addition, the ginseng and cayenne were at war on your skin, spreading a soothing warmth and also inciting a surge of energy that only facilitated more stimulation. You moaned out at the simultaneous stimuli and your specialists grinned.

“Problems, princess?” Suga teased. “What’s your comfort level?”

“U-ummm,” you stuttered. “A 6, but only because I’m a little frustrated.”

“Frustrated, huh?” J-Hope giggled. “Can you hold out a little longer, princess? Suga and I promise to take care of that as soon as we’re done with this treatment. These materials can irritate your sensitive areas, so we need to be careful.”

“O-ok,” you pouted while shifting slightly on the table. “I’ll be good.”

“That’s right, beautiful,” Suga expressed while scrubbing your arms. “Who’s our good girl?”

“I am,” you sighed while closing your eyes. “I’m your good girl.”

Suga leaned down and brushed his lips across your cheek before sliding his hands down your chest and onto your breasts. You gasped as his fingers pulled on your hardened peaks, but then you felt another set of hands join him and you involuntarily moaned out.

“Oh, she liked that,” J-Hope affirmed. “Your tits are amazing, princess. So full and plump.”

“Are you really that surprised, J-Hope?” Suga chuckled. You felt how firm and luscious her ass was. She’s fucking perfect.”

You squealed inwardly at their laudatory statements, you couldn’t help smiling as they continued to shower you with compliments about your body. J-Hope and Suga began alternating their hands across your body while scrubbing into every possible crevice, spreading the lovely tingling warmth to all of your extremities.

“Ok, princess,” J-Hope announced. “It’s time to rinse. Let Suga help you off the table. I’ll get the shower ready.”

Suga took your hand and helped you sit up on the table. Once you stepped down, he led you behind a wall of glass bricks which hid a small shower area. J-Hope adjusted the temperature of the water before turning on the spray nozzles mounted on top of the wall. 

Once Suga removed your hair tie, he maneuvered you under the nozzles, and he and J-Hope began sweeping their hands across your body to remove the excess granules and oils lingering on your body. Each caress caused jolts of pleasure which were intensified by the ceaseless pulsations between your legs. You shifted your weight back and forth trying to build up some friction, but their actions didn’t allow enough stimulation and you were left whining slightly as your gratification drifted away time and time again.

On the plus side, both J-Hope and Suga were showing more of themselves than before. The white linen was clinging to their skin as more and more of their clothing soaked up the sudsy water. The two of them seemed completely unconcerned about the fact that their clothes were getting completely drenched. You licked your lips as lean muscle and hard lines were revealed bit by bit.

Not that I’m complaining. These two are a sight to see, especially when they’re dripping wet.

Once they were satisfied that your skin was clear of the scrub mix, they grabbed a couple of loofahs and began lathering your skin with a spicy scented body wash. You wanted to argue that you could wash your own body, but the lingering touches and gentle gropes quickly put that idea to bed. You didn’t fail to notice that their fingertips paid extra special attention to your breasts, ass, and inner thighs.

These fucking teases!

J-Hope pulled back to wring out his loofah and place it back in the basket and Suga did the same. You squirmed in exasperation as their hands left your body and another whine escaped your lips as a heavy bass line started up on your playlist. You closed your eyes and tried to focus on the vibrations while rubbing your thighs together slightly.

“Still feeling frustrated, princess?” J-Hope murmured into your ear. “Would you like a reward for being such a good girl?”

“Yes, please,” you groaned lightly. “Thank you.”

“So polite,” Suga chuckled. “I like her.”

J-Hope reached down and dipped his middle finger into your slippery folds. The soft squelches caused him to hum with delight.

“You hear that, princess?” he asked sweetly. “You’re soaking wet down here. Is this all for us? Did we get you this excited?”

“Mmmm, yes,” you moaned while gripping his shoulder tightly. “I couldn’t concentrate on anything else while you were touching me.”

Suga placed one hand on your lower back and reached up with the other to roll one of your nipples between his fingers. You yelped as he pinched it slightly and pulled, but it quickly morphed into a moan as J-Hope tugged on the egg and pulled it out of your drenched pussy. He circled your swollen clit with the vibrating toy and pulled moan after moan out of your mouth. You were so distracted by his actions that you didn’t realize Suga’s hand was dipping further south.

You squealed with pleasure as his deft fingers slipped into your aching core from behind and your hips rocked back against them impatiently. You were desperately trying to reach your climax, but it just kept building higher and higher.

“Come on, beautiful,” Suga gruffed into your ear seductively. “Just let go.”

His raspy voice snapped your synapses into place and the orgasm you’d been chasing exploded like dynamite. You nearly screamed as wave after wave of ecstasy erupted across your nerve endings, and they held you in place and helped you ride it out like true gentlemen. Once the pleasure shifted into overstimulation, you tugged at their wrists.

“3, guys,” you groaned fretfully. “Give me some time to recover.”

They immediately ceased their actions and allowed you some time to gather your composure. You stepped back into the stream of water and quickly swept away any excess arousal from between your legs and let out a large satisfied sigh. Once you were done, they turned off the water and began putting things back in their place.

“That was incredible,” you proclaimed. “Thank you.”

“Oh, it was our pleasure, beautiful,” Suga drawled. “Did you enjoy your first treatment?”

“Enjoy it?” you blurted out. “If all of the treatments are that good, I may never leave this spa. How many treatments am I getting anyway?”

“7, actually,” J-Hope smiled. “The scrub was your first, and the second is some time in the steam room. Let me get you a few towels and show you to the sauna. Suga and I will get changed while you enjoy your steam.”

“You’re not joining me?” you asked. “I’ll be all alone?”

They exchanged a look and grinned at your pouty face. J-Hope tossed a fluffy towel over to Suga and they began to dry off your body and hair. J-Hope wrapped your torso in an oversized towel while Suga began to pat your hair dry.

“If you want us to join you, we certainly can,” Suga responded while meticulously squeezing the excess water out of your hair. “Just give us a sec to get changed. We can’t go in there soaking wet.”

“You could just take your clothes off, y’know,” you joked. “I mean, I’m just going to be wearing a towel. You guys could do the same.”

“Let’s listen to the gorgeous client, J-Hope,” Suga argued. “She makes some very valid points.”

“Ok, ok,” J-Hope snickered. “If princess wants us naked, then naked we will be. You can’t hold us responsible for any shenanigans that may occur while we’re naked though.”

“Deal,” you confirmed with a smirk. “Who knows what might happen when we’re all hot and sweaty?”

The two specialists laughed at your insinuation and they lifted their linen shirts over their heads. The fabric landed in a soggy heap on the floor, and your eyes roved over the glistening skin revealed to you. J-Hope’s honeyed skin was rippling with lean sinewy muscle, while Suga’s alabaster skin gleamed under the lights like fresh cream. You didn’t even realize you were biting your lip until Suga reached up to pull it out from between your teeth.

“Hungry, beautiful?” he mused. “I could get you a snack, if you want.”

“I’m good on snacks,” you countered with a wink. “But I am a little thirsty.”

J-Hope shook his head and chuckled at your words. Most clients took a while to let loose, but you jumped right in and he was loving it. He noticed Suga’s tongue poking out the corner of his mouth and he decided to let the two of you have a little fun. It was only fair since he got to play with you first.

“Since our princess is so thirsty, let me go get her something to drink,” J-Hope proposed. “Suga, will you show her to the steam room?”

“With pleasure,” Suga agreed. “Come along, beautiful. Let’s get you comfortable.”

Suga led you across the room to a frosted glass door with the word “Sauna” scrawled across the front in swirling letters. As soon as he opened the door, a wave of humidity assaulted your senses and your skin prickled with goose pimples at the shift in temperature.

“Your skin may be a little sensitive after the scrub,” Suga explained as he felt you shudder. “Give the steam a minute or two to regulate your body temperature and you will start to feel better. Have a seat inside, beautiful. I’m going to get myself into a towel and then I will join you, yeah?”

“Ok,” you pouted. “Don’t be gone too long.”

You took a seat on the corner of the L-shaped bench and stretched your legs out. True to his word, the discomfort you’d felt upon entry was slowly dissipating with every drop of perspiration that left your pores. Somehow, the scrub invigorated your skin and the steam was now bringing it back down to a state of complete relaxation.

They really plan these treatments out well.

The door opened to reveal both Suga and J-Hope with towels wrapped around their waists. J-Hope was carrying three large bottles of water, and he handed one over to you and one to Suga. They sat on either side of you, with Suga pulling your legs over his lap and J-Hope wrapping his arms around your shoulders.

“Ok, princess,” J-Hope began. “You get a 15 minute steam, and then we’ll take you to your next treatment. How does that sound?”

“Only 15 minutes?” you whined. “Why so little?”

“The steam is going to dehydrate your body, beautiful,” Suga explained while rubbing your feet. “After scrubbing you down, your body needs to sweat out the excess. The shower only does so much.”

“Drink your water, princess,” J-Hope reminded you. “We can’t have our lovely client thirsty, now can we?”

You nodded and took a long drink of water, not realizing how thirsty you actually were. Suga’s hands continued trailing across your skin and you were mesmerized by the prominent veins gleaming under the surface. You didn’t even realize that you were breathing heavily until J-Hope’s delicate fingers caught your towel just as it became untucked from your heaving breasts.

“Someone is a little excited,” J-Hope teased while moving your hair away from your neck. “Aren’t Suga’s hands pretty on your skin, princess?”

“Y-yeah,” you gulped. “They really are.”

“Would you like to see what else they can do, beautiful?” Suga challenged while licking his lips. “I only gave you a little taste earlier.”

“I mean I’m not gonna say no,” you giggled. “But I’m also wondering about that tongue of yours.”

Suga grinned a big gummy smile at you before pulling your leg up to his lips. He pressed a soft kiss to your ankle and your breath hitched. He suckled lightly at your skin before you saw a flash of pink sneak out and trace a long stripe across the top of your foot. J-Hope’s fingers tugged lightly at your towel, and on the next lick Suga’s tongue inflicted on your skin, the towel fell open to expose your heated skin heaving in anticipation.

“So pretty,” J-Hope commented while kissing your bare shoulder. “You have no idea what you’re doing to us, do you, princess?”

“She really doesn’t” Suga chuckled in a dulcet tone while nipping at your toe with his lips. “She just sits there looking like some kind of goddess, tempting us over and over again.”

Suga slotted himself between your legs and licked his way up to your center. With one fluid motion, his tongue swirled the arousal nestled around your clit and he groaned as he swallowed.

“Holy fuck, that’s good,” he hissed. “We gotta get you out of here, beautiful. We might break the sauna if we turn the heat up any more.”

“Don’t stop,” you whined. “I want more of that tongue of yours.”

“You’ll get more, princess,” J-Hope promised. “We just need to get out of the sauna. We can’t risk getting too physical in here, it’s not safe. Come on.”

He helped you stand while Suga wrapped the towel around your body, making sure to tuck in the end so it wouldn’t fall. Suga walked over to the door of the sauna and held it open as you and J-Hope walked out, grabbing your tote as you exited. Suga held your robe open while J-Hope removed your towel and tossed it in a laundry bin. Once you were wrapped up in the cozy terry cloth, J-Hope and Suga traded their towels for a clean set of linen clothes.

They led you down the hall and into a large room with a wide in-ground pond full of steaming purple water. There were sprigs of white and purple flowers floating on the surface and a lovely sweet scent filling your nostrils.

“That smells amazing,” you sighed. “What is that?”

“That is the soaking pool,” Suga explained. “After your mud bath, you get a 20 minute soak in the pool. We had it prepared with lavender and vanilla blossoms just for you, beautiful.”

“A mud bath?” you queried. “Didn’t you just get me all cleaned up? You’re going to get me dirty again?”

“In more ways than one, princess,” J-Hope teased. “Let’s just say that your spa treatments today will alternate between dirty and clean.”

“So what’s next?” you purred. “I hope it’s dirty.”

“Oh, it’s very dirty, beautiful,” Suga murmured behind you. “You’re gonna love it.”

J-Hope pulled you over to the other end of the room next to a massive Japanese soaking tub filled with sludgy gray liquid. You stood on the thick padded mats surrounding the tub while the two specialists gathered an assortment of bottles and glass containers and then spread them out on a shelf by the tub.

“Ok, princess, it’s time to choose,” J-Hope informed you. “The mud is already mixed with crushed volcanic rock to help with exfoliation, but we do have additives that can make the experience even more satisfying.”

“Really?” you wondered aloud. “Like what?”

“Well, there’s the usual things like flowers or plants,” Suga explained. “We have a lot of combinations that can soothe your skin or create a scent while you bathe. However, there are some infused oils we can add that can give you a different kind of experience.”

“You had me at different,” you smiled. “Tell me about these oils.”

“We have a few cannabis infused oils here that we harvest from our farm,” J-Hope pointed out. “There are THC oils and CBD oils, so depending on whether you’re looking for relaxation or recreation, you can choose what to mix into your mud bath.”

You perused the collection and picked out a CBD oil called Otsukare and you noted the amount of CBD infused into the oil. Considering the insanity of the school year you just finished, you needed a nice deep relaxing experience. You handed the oil over to Suga and he nodded once before pour the oil into the tub. He hit a button on the side and a small motor started up, filling the room with a soft buzz.

“The oil needs to be mixed in completely before you can get in, beautiful,” Suga explained. “We will just have to find something to occupy our time until it’s ready.”

J-Hope stepped behind you and ran his hands up and down your arms, his nose nuzzling against your hair as you released an enthusiastic hum.

“What did you have in mind?” you breathed out.

Suga stepped in front of you and parted your robe before reaching down to feel the slickness between your thighs. Your breath stuttered as he delved into your folds with his skilled digits.

“You’re still so wet, beautiful,” Suga groaned. “I love how responsive you are.”

You stifled your moans by biting on your bottom lip, embarrassed by the loud echoes bouncing off the walls. J-Hope chuckled at your display of restraint and tilted your head back so he could point to the silvery globe in the corner of the room.

“Why hold back, princess?” J-Hope whispered. “Jimin can see everything going on in every inch of this place. I guarantee he’s been watching us this entire time.”

“Oh, definitely,” Suga agreed. “If not him, then it’s probably Jungkook. So let go of that lip, sweetheart. Let us hear how good we’re making you feel.”

Your eyes widened at the thought of someone watching this lewd display and the shock loosened your tongue completely. Your wails reverberated across the walls as Suga’s fingers began pumping in and out of your dripping cunt. J-Hope slipped your robe off completely and cupped your breasts with his large hands as he nibbled on your earlobe.

You closed your eyes as you imagined either Jimin or Jungkook witnessing the debauchery unfolding. Just the thought of those delicious specimens caused you to clench around Suga’s fingers and he groaned at the sensation.

“You’re thinking about it, aren’t you?” Suga mused. “I think she likes that the boys are probably watching us ravage her, J-Hope.”

“I think you’re right,” J-Hope snickered while pulling gently on your nipples. “Let’s give the boys a real show, yeah? What’s your comfort level, princess?”

“It’s a 7, fuck,” you croaked out as Suga curled his fingers along your G-spot. “Yeah, it’s totally a 7.”

“Would you like to play with some more of those toys you have in your tote?” Suga asked. “We’d love to help you give them a test run.”

“Yeah, we can do that,” you mewled as he pulled out his fingers and ran the excess arousal around your swollen clit. “Pick something out. I’m ok with everything in that bag.”

Suga lifted his fingers and sucked on them while smiling. He took his shirt off and dried off the excess before walking over to retrieve an item from your tote. J-Hope spun you around and kneeled so his tongue could dive into the mess Suga left between your legs. You ran your fingers through his light brown tresses as he bestowed your pussy with a neverending onslaught of French kisses. You were so enthralled by his fancy tongue work that you didn’t realize Suga was behind you until you felt his fingers sneaking between your ass cheeks to spread a slippery liquid that warmed as he probed at your puckered rim.

“Guess what I found, beautiful,” Suga teased. “J-Hope and I are going to make sure you release some more of that tension before we put you in that mud bath. Let’s get you prepped first, yeah?”

His skilled finger worked its way into your well lubricated asshole and one finger quickly became two as he scissored your back entrance open. The dual stimulation from both Suga and J-Hope tingled across your nerve endings as your body was finely tuned with pleasure. Your moans went up an octave as you felt something smooth and blunt vibrate against your lubricated hole.

“Comfort level, beautiful,” Suga said in a raspy voice dripping with lust. “Tell me before I put this in.”

“7!” you wailed. “Please, 7!”

“You heard her,” J-Hope groaned as he stood up, wiping his glistening face. “Go ahead, put it in.”

You braced yourself against J-Hope’s chest as you felt Suga’s slowly push the vibrating toy in. You whimpered at the stretch, and J-Hope stroked your hair and kissed your temple until you felt the toy taper off and then nestle snugly just inside your ass.  

“I guess you found the butt plug, Suga?” you gritted out. “Not what I thought you’d choose.”

“You did say we could choose anything, beautiful,” Suga shrugged before laying his hand heavily across your right ass cheek. “And this ass is too perfect not to play with.”

“Where’s the remote?” J-Hope asked. “I want to play with it.”

“I set it to alternate patterns every 3 minutes,” Suga informed him. “We have other things we can play with.”

J-Hope’s wolfish grin sent a chill down your spine as the vibrations changed from a steady buzz to a series of sharp pulses. You yelped at the transition and then nearly purred when you saw both specialists shedding their clothes once again to reveal their fully erect penises. While J-Hope’s cock was a dusky pink, Suga’s was a shade lighter. What they had in common was impressive girth and a turgid length that made your mouth water.

“Hungry again, beautiful?” Suga teased. “Do you want a little taste before we wrap them up for playtime?”

Suga began languidly stroking his dick while J-Hope slipped his fingers into your hair and pulled your face toward him. The fire dancing around his dilated pupils made you tremble with anticipation, and his voice dropped an octave when he finally spoke.

“Comfort level, princess.” J-Hope gritted out. “Things are about to get a little intense, and we need to know that you’re ok with it.”

“Still a 7,” you whined. “You’d be surprised how much I can take.”

J-Hope chuckled and leaned in to nip at your earlobe as Suga stepped in to do the same. You sighed at their lavish treatment and started running your hands along the hard planes of their bodies. A harsh pull from J-Hope’s hand stopped your exploration and you sucked in a deep breath.

“On your knees, princess,” J-Hope instructed. “Make sure we’re good and ready for you.”

Your knees hit the mat the instant that J-Hope released your hair and you gazed up at your pair of pleasure specialists. Suga tossed a condom over to J-Hope and they looked down and smiled at your acquiescence.

“Such a good girl, isn’t she?” Suga cooed. “Look at how pretty she looks on her knees, just waiting for us to wreck her.”

You smiled widely at his words and pulled your lip between your teeth before reaching out to take both of their cocks into your hands. They both reached down to stroke your hair as you began sinking onto each of their lengths, dragging and swirling your tongue to collect every drop of precum that presented itself. They each had a unique flavor and mixing the two together proved to be an intoxicating combination.

He and Suga were alternating soft moans as you continued to stroke, lick, and suck at them hungrily. You started rocking your hips back forth, desperate for some kind of friction down below. The butt plug was still sending jolts of pleasure in alternating rhythms, but it simply wasn’t enough.

“Easy, princess,” J-Hope groaned. “We don’t want you tiring yourself out before we get a chance to play with you.”

Suga gently pulled you off his dick by your hair, but you refused to have your new toy taken away from you, so he pulled a little harder to get your attention. You whined in protest as they both helped you to your feet, but you were quickly silenced by Suga’s magnificent tongue diving into your open mouth. You were so distracted by his hypnotic kisses that you almost missed the sound of a condom wrapper being opened behind you. Suga pulled back and pressed one last lingering kiss to your mouth before spinning you around to face J-Hope.

“I hope you’re ready for me, princess,” J-Hope announced. “Because I’m going in.”

J-Hope pulled you into his arms and picked you up bridal style. As he was kneeling onto the mats, you latched onto his lips and wrapped your arms around his shoulders. As your ass hit the mat, you immediately spread your legs to accommodate his svelte frame. You only released his lips to moan when you felt him teasing your clit with the head of his cock. A copious amount of arousal collected onto his throbbing length and he groaned as you rolled your hips against him.

“Be patient, princess,” J-Hope begged. “There’s no need to rush.”

“Yeah,” Suga smirked while rolling on a condom. “We’re not going anywhere.”

You felt J-Hope breach past your glistening folds as he sheathed his cock inside your velvety walls in one thrust. You were so aroused that he slid right in, stretching you out so nicely that you mewled in ecstasy. The vibrations from the butt plug caused you both to groan as they shifted yet again to a different rhythm. You clenched tightly around his shaft in response and he moaned deliciously above you.

“Oh my gods,” J-Hope murmured. “You’re squeezing me so tightly, princess.”

“Well, that’s great for you,” Suga mused. “But how am I going to fit if she doesn’t relax a little?”

Your lust-addled brain flickered into clarity briefly to consider what Suga just uttered.

Fit? What does he mean fit?

J-Hope’s shallow thrusts increased in pace until you were writhing against his hips to multiply the amount of friction. You were losing yourself to the wondrous sensation of J-Hope’s dick plunging into your depths and the shifting vibrations of the butt plug, so you dismissed Suga’s odd comment.

“Hold on, princess,” J-Hope muttered. “I want to see you ride me.”

With amazing coordination, he rolled onto his back while keeping you both connected. Now that you had control of the situation, you planted your palms on his golden chest and started bouncing away on his stiff cock, loving the erotic sight of his hair splayed on the mat and his half-lidded eyes watching your tits as they defied gravity over and over again. You were well on your way to a blazing orgasm when you felt Suga wrap his long fingers around your neck.

“That’s it, beautiful,” Suga murmured in an impassioned voice. “Get that pussy nice and wet for me.”

His fingers tightened slightly around your throat and you gasped slightly as your vision became a little fuzzy. You felt him kneel behind you and then wrap his other arm around your waist. J-Hope’s hands gripped your hips and rocked you back and forth on his dick while Suga’s fingers quickly found your clit. With both of them working in tandem, you soared into a blinding orgasm that left you shaking and lifeless on J-Hope’s chest.

You were just about to try and lift up your head when you felt Suga pushing the blunt head of his cock against your quivering entrance.

“Come on, gorgeous,” Suga prompted. “Relax a little and let me inside. I want to feel this glorious cunt that J-Hope keeps whining about.”

J-Hope lifted your head and gently licked his way inside of your mouth. With your mind focused on his magnificent kissing skills, your body released the tension you were unconsciously holding onto and you squeaked as you felt Suga’s engorged mushroom tip glide its way into your yielding pussy alongside J-Hope. The burning stretch was slightly overwhelming, but with both men soothing you and the vibrations in your ass stimulating you, more and more of your golden ichor leaked from your pussy to accommodate both cocks as they began to grind their hips against you.

“Holy fuck, beautiful,” Suga grunted. “J-Hope wasn’t lying. Your pussy feels fucking amazing. Oh man, I think I live here now.”

“Told you, dude,” J-Hope groaned. “This precious little doll can take both of us and still feel tight as hell.”

The tightness in your clit was growing exponentially and as their thrusts grew more forceful, the overwhelming amount of stimulation started to push you over the edge once again. Suga started fiddling with the controls on the bottom of the butt plug and switched to a full blown consistent vibration which threw all three of you into a moaning mess.

Both men pounded into your pussy as a deluge of arousal gushed forth, and before you could try to form a coherent thought, your body seized up and white light flashed across your vision. Your body went completely still as wave after wave of pleasure crashed throughout your body. The orgasm was so intense that you squirted all over the place, which caused both Suga and J-Hope to lose control and empty themselves into their condoms.

Suga slowly pulled out and sat back onto his heels and J-Hope rolled you onto your side so he could withdraw as well. You whined at the overstimulation caused by the butt plug still vibrating at full speed and Suga quickly found the remote control to turn it off. Once the buzzing ceased, you truly relaxed into the mats and breathed out a small giggle.

“That was fucking intense, guys,” you admitted. “But I”m still at fucking 7.”

J-Hope’s eyes widened and so did Suga’s gummy smile. They were afraid that they’d pushed you too far on your first visit, but it seemed like they still had a lot to learn about your limits. Suga got up and walked over to the tub and checked the consistency of the mud.

“Your bath is ready, gorgeous,” Suga announced. “Let’s get you into the tub, yeah?”

“But I’m all dirty,” you protested. “Should I rinse first?”

“Princess, you’re about to get into a tub of mud,” J-Hope reminded you. “I think dirty is the only thing you can be right now.”

You all laughed at the absurdity of his words and you simply nodded in agreement as they helped you off the mats and into the warm mud. Once you were submerged in the slick liquid, rested your head against the wall and breathed out a sigh of relief. The warmth was doing wonders for your aching muscles and the gentle exfoliation of the crushed volcanic rock felt marvelous. You were just about to ask about the CBD additive when you started to feel a slight tingle creep over your skin. The tingle grew into a gentle buzz that sent your body into a languid stupor of relaxation.

“Oh my,” you sighed. “You guys weren’t kidding about that oil. It feels amazing in here.”

The two specialists chuckled and started cleaning up the mess around the tub while checking on the soaking pool. You were just about to drift off into a light nap when Suga tapped on your shoulder.

“Ok, beautiful,” he called out. “It’s time to get out.”

“What?” you asked incredulously. “No, it feels so good in here. Let me stay in a little longer, please?”

“Nope, sorry,” J-Hope called out. “That volcanic rock may feel good now, but it will start to burn if you stay in too long. Come on, get up, princess.”

Reluctantly, you stood up in the tub and pulled yourself onto the mats. Suga turned off the motor for the tub and led you over to J-Hope who had a nozzled water hose with lukewarm water streaming out. Suga was quick to remind you that you needed to remove your butt plug before entering the pool, so you leaned onto J-Hope for support as he gently pulled it out and cleaned it before setting it back into your tote.

After they hosed you down, they led you over to the soaking pool and helped you step into the hot sweet water. With the flowers floating around you and the wisps of scented steam enveloping your senses, you felt like royalty with your servants walking around doing your bidding. Your twenty minutes in the tub passed sooner than you expected, and you were soon being hoisted out of the pool, dried off, and wrapped up in your robe once again. Once Suga and J-Hope were dressed in yet another set of linen clothes, you grabbed your tote and left down the hall for yet another room with a padded table.

This room was different though. There were diffusers releasing curls of peppermint mist around the room and the table had a hole on one end. You tossed your tote into a basket by the door and walked over to the table to await your instructions.

“Time for your massage, beautiful,” Suga informed you. “Take off your robe and get on the table. J-Hope and I need to get ready.”

“You’re both going to massage me?” you asked. “How does that even work?”

“Just like it did before, princess,” J-Hope smirked. “One on each side.”

You blushed slightly, remembering your previous activities, and disrobed before climbing onto the table face down. You listened as they wandered around the room gathering sundry items before stationing themselves on either side of the table.

“This is a carefully coordinated massage, princess,” J-Hope stated. “So please hold still, or we will have to punish you, is that understood?”

“Punish, huh?” you snorted. “I’d like to see you try.”

“Oh, gorgeous,” Suga remarked cooly. “That tongue of yours will get you into a lot of trouble one day.”

“That may be today,” J-Hope muttered. “Let’s see if she can behave, hmm?”

Instrumental music started up from the speaker in the corner and you felt a drizzle of warm liquid trail across your back from top to bottom. You shivered as it trickled down your sides and into any available crevice. Suga and J-Hope placed their wide palms on your back and spread the oil in small concentric circles until your entire back was covered.

You heard J-Hope count off and then the gentle pressure transformed into an intricate choreography of their fingertips wringing out every possible knot and ounce of tension left in your body. The only response you could give was a series of whimpers and groans when you felt a particularly stubborn knot refuse to budge or if their fingers dipped into sensitive areas. They reached a stopping point and removed their hands from your body.

“Ok, princess,” J-Hope said casually. “We need you to flip over. It’s time to massage your front.”

You whined loudly and huffed out an exhale of protest. Suga smacked your ass lightly and you lifted your head to pout at him.

“Don’t give me that look,” he reprimanded playfully. “Are you misbehaving? Do we need to punish you?”

“No,” you muttered while turning onto your side to face him. “I’m moving, I’m moving, geez.”

“So sassy,” J-Hope chuckled. “I think we should punish her a little anyway, just to work that sass out of her system. What do you think, Suga?”

Instead of replying, Suga simply smirked and walked over to the cabinet and started digging around for something. You turned onto your back and closed your eyes, feeling the stress of the past year just seep out onto the padded table.

I don’t know how much more relaxed I can get. These guys just chased all of those stress annoyances away with their magical hands.

A metallic jingle rang out in the room and you turned your head to see Suga holding up a length of fine chain connected to two small black clamps. The seven golden bells hanging along the chain jingled as he walked toward you.

“Since this is the Stay Gold Summer Special, let’s add a little more gold to your treatments,” Suga mused. “Every time you move and cause these bells to jingle, you will earn a spanking from us.”

“And don’t try to argue that we’re to blame,” J-Hope countered. “We will know when it’s our fault and when it’s not.”

You considered Suga’s words and decided that you were up to the challenge. You’d never tried nipple clamps before, but what the hell? A little spanking wasn’t going to scare you away from trying something new.

“Go ahead,” you prompted arrogantly. “A little pain never scared me.”

Suga chuckled at your response and leaned down to lavish your nipple with his tongue and J-Hope mirrored his actions on the other. Once both nipples were sufficiently erect, they each took a clamp and gently affixed it onto your hardened nubs. The pressure was sharp, but not unbearable. You took a deep breath and were pleased to see that your breath wouldn’t trigger a bell to go off accidentally. You were just about to close your eyes when a palm trailed across your thigh, causing your entire body to twitch involuntarily.

Ring, ring…

The seven bells jingled as your body twitched and you huffed out in frustration and glared at the offending hand belonging to J-Hope.

“What happened, princess?” he quirked. “Are we a little ticklish?”

“Just a little,” you admitted. “I can usually hold it in if I know it’s-”

SMACK!

You yelped in surprise as Suga’s heavy palm slammed down onto your exposed sex. The force of his slap left a harsh prickles along your clit and the telltale jingling sound that followed left you gritting your teeth. You snapped your eyes over to the smug smirk on Suga’s face and you narrowed your eyelids at him.

“What?” Suga shrugged. “We already told you. You move, you get spanked. I never specified where or when, did I?”

You pouted at him and his cool demeanor thawed just a bit. He leaned over you and pressed a soft kiss to the tip of your nose.

“Was that too much for you, beautiful?” Suga asked sweetly. “What’s your comfort level?”

“Still a 7,” you muttered petulantly. “I was just surprised, that’s all.”

“If you say so, baby,” J-Hope snickered. “Now hold still while we finish your massage, ok?”

You nodded slightly as both he and Suga began their intricate hand choreography on your supine form. With the tension collecting at the tips of your breasts, you found it difficult to anticipate their fingers brushing along your ticklish zones. Much to your dismay, on more than one occasion, the bells rang out because you could suppress the urge to jerk and jostle your body away from them.

J-Hope took it upon himself to count each offense as they collected exponentially. Suga would periodically deliver a sharp slap to your thigh or even a lingering smack to your drenched center. Each lick of pain increased your arousal and you silently cursed the metallic traitors attached to your tits.

“Alright, princess,” Suga piped up. “We’re all done with your massage. J-Hope, what was the last count?”

“We still owe her 7,” J-Hope giggled. “Let’s switch hit.”

“You heard him, gorgeous,” Suga pointed out. “Time to take your punishment like a good girl. If you count them down, then I’ll give you a prize, yeah?”

They helped you to your feet and bent you over the table gently. Your stiff peaks hovered over the table and you rolled your eyes at the glint of silver and gold in the warm light. Two palms began rubbing circles onto your plump ass cheeks and you braced yourself for the impact. You didn’t know who was going to go first, but you were ready to take your licks like a champ.

SMACK!

Both palms landed across your ass without warning and they rubbed both hits in gently as your body jerked forward against the table. The shock and subsequent jingling wore off quickly, and you remembered Suga’s promise and the bells ceased their taunting tinkling.

“One,” you gasped. “Two.”

“Good girl,” Suga replied. “Keep it up. I promise you won’t be disappointed.”

They alternated spanks across both of your cheeks until the count reached seven. You spoke out the last count and slumped on the table trying to catch your breath. The combination of the spanks and the tension on your nipples was dizzying and you needed some sort of relief.

As though he could hear your silent prayer, J-Hope reached over and began rubbing a soothing cream over your reddened flesh. He murmured sweet nothings to you while he diligently chased away any lingering pain remaining from your punishment and you beamed at each uttered phrase from his lips.

“You’ve been such a good girl, beautiful,” Suga remarked. “Turn around, baby, and I’ll give you that prize I mentioned.”

You didn’t know what to expect, but it certainly wasn’t Suga falling to his knees in front of you. He kissed across your hips and all the way to your center and you spread your legs further to accommodate his slim frame. He meticulously licked his way to your sweet spot and lavished your dripping folds with unparalleled affection. Your delicious moans mixed in with the successive jingles from the nipple clamps and you entertained the notion that you’d become an instrument for Suga to play. His diligent tongue technique was befuddling your senses and you submitted yourself to the symphony he was orchestrating between your thighs.

J-Hope made his way behind the table and he hopped onto it so he could straddle your body from behind. He brushed your hair away from your face so he could get a better look at the erotic facial expressions you were making. The tears forming at the corners of your eyes spoke volumes about how worked up you were getting.

“That’s it, baby,” J-Hope coaxed you along salaciously. “Don’t hold anything back. Let it all out.”

Suga’s slipped two fingers into your creamy pussy as his tongue began rigorously concentrating on your throbbing clitoris. As if anticipating your impending climax, J-Hope abandoned your hair and began gently tugging at the clamps still firmly attached to your nipples. As your body locked up to process your orgasm, he pulled the clamps from your tits completely, leaving a sweet blinding sting behind that he quickly soothed with his warm fingers. Suga stood up and grabbed a nearby towel to wipe his face clean and his gummy smile at your satiated state brightened the room substantially.

“Feel better, princess?” J-Hope whispered against your tear stained cheeks. “Did you like Suga’s prize?”

“It was incredible,” you sighed. “You guys are so attentive, I don’t know what to say. I wish everyday could be like this.”

The two specialists laughed at your wishful thinking and helped you back into your luxurious robe. You retrieved your tote from the basket and let them lead you down the hall to a small room with a pedicure chair. Suga took your tote and set it aside while J-Hope helped you into the chair. While J-Hope fiddled with the foot soaking tub controls, Suga grabbed a brush and began gently brushing the tangles out of your still damp hair.

“Ok, princess,” J-Hope said as the tub began bubbling. “Put your feet in the tub. Suga will apply your hair mask and face mask while I work on your pedicure. While the masks are doing their thing, he will also do your manicure. How does that sound?”

“That sounds like heaven,” you admitted. “I’m feeling so pampered today. Two gorgeous men attending to my every need? A girl could get used to this.”

They hummed in agreement as they worked tirelessly to get you all set up with multitudinous spa treatments at once. The hair mask was thick and fluffy golden cloud on top of your head and the face mask was jet black with flecks of gold peeking through. Suga briefly explained the various elements of each mask, but you were too caught up in J-Hope’s foot massage to retain any of that information. By the time they were both done completing their tasks, you were floating on a cloud of pure bliss.

“Ok, beautiful, feet up,” J-Hope instructed. “Suga is going to help you rinse off those masks while I clean this up.”

Suga led you over to a large sink where he got your hair and face rinsed completely before dabbing them dry with a large towel. You felt a little wobbly from the rollercoaster of activities throughout the day, and you were hoping for a break in the schedule.

“So what’s next, guys?” you piped up. “What other adventure do you have in store for me?”

“Oh, it’s a good one, beautiful,” Suga professed. “You’re going to love it.”

“Oh yeah?” you quipped. “What is it?”

“It’s a surprise,” J-Hope proclaimed. “We’re taking you back to your room for your last treatment of the day.”

Suga handed over your tote and the three of you wandered back down the hall to Room 7. You located your golden key within your tote and unlocked the door. Once the three of you were inside, Suga walked over to the closet and pulled out a stack of satin pajamas.

“Ready for your last treatment, baby?” J-Hope asked.

You looked at both of them and were perplexed. Nothing in the room suggested any form of debauchery or pampering, so what were you supposed to be looking at?

“What kind of treatment is it?” you asked. “I’m a little confused.”

“It’s a nap,” Suga beamed. “I know we put you through a lot of ups and downs today, but what better way to relax after all that than to take a nap?”

“What? How?” you sputtered. “The only place to nap is that lounger and we don’t all fit.”

J-Hope stepped forward and lifted the bottom of the lounger cushion to reveal a fold out bed. The mattress was topped with a thick memory foam topper and covered in luscious purple sheets. Suga nudged your shoulder and nodded at the pajamas in his hand.

“So which ones do you want, beautiful?” he murmured. “Pants, shorts, nightie, nothing?”

“I’ll take the shorts,” you giggled. “I think I need a break from sexual activity for a while. You guys wore me out today, but in the best possible way.”

Everyone changed into the soft pajamas and cuddled up on the bed. There was just enough room for all three of you to stretch out and snuggle into one another. You nuzzled into J-Hope’s chest and Suga curled around your frame as the big spoon. With a simple voice command, the room plunged into darkness and you felt the day slowly vanishing as you slipped into sweet oblivion in between your phenomenal new playmates. --------- “Wake up, angel,” a soft tinkling voice called out to you. “Wake up.”

You groaned slightly and stretched out on the bed like some kind of cat. When you opened your eyes, the room was dimly lit and both J-Hope and Suga were gone. Jimin’s angelic face smiled sweetly at you from across the bed. He was laid out beside you and obviously amused by your sleepy heavy face.

“Where did Suga and J-Hope go?” you pouted. “I thought we were taking a nap together.”

“You were, cutie,” Jimin confirmed. “But they had to leave a while ago to go prepare for tomorrow’s client. They didn’t want to wake you before you were ready. I came to check on you since we’re closing up soon.”

You sat up in bed and tried to shake the slumber out of your eyes. Jimin giggled softly and helped you stand up. You glanced around the room, wondering where to start.

“Why don’t you go into the bathroom and change into your regular clothes?” Jimin suggested. “I will gather up your things and prepare a little to-go basket for you. Does that sound good?”

You nodded and smiled at Jimin and you sighed at his adorable half moon eye smile.

Now that is something I don’t mind waking up to. The Universe blessed this boy with the most endearing features. I just want to squish his adorable face.

You changed into your clothes and walked out with the pajamas you’d worn. Before you could ask Jimin where to put them, he folded them and placed them in your tote. A loud knock boomed from the door and you could swear you could feel the annoyance seeping out of Jimin’s face. He opened the door to reveal an enthusiastic Jungkook carrying an empty basket lined with purple satin.

“Do you have to be so loud, Jungkook?” Jimin snapped. “Have some respect for our lovely guest.”

“Sorry,” Jungkook deflated. “Can I help make her basket, Jimin?”

“Yeah, go ahead,” Jimin waved him off. “Make sure you aren’t just putting in things that you like. Remember when we discussed the meaning of the word variety?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Jungkook scoffed. “I know.”

While Jungkook began piling snacks and other sundry items into the basket, Jimin stepped forward and offered to help you fix your hair. It was sticking up all over the place after your nap, and he quickly smoothed out the tangles and styled it into a twist. He produced a decorative hair stick from a drawer and secured the twist in place and stepped back to admire his handiwork.

“Perfect,” he breathed out. “Absolutely perfect.”

“The basket is ready,” Jungkook announced. “Can I carry it out for her?”

“Yes, of course,” Jimin agreed. “Let’s get her over to reception so I can get her all checked out for the day.”

After returning your key and signing a few forms, Jimin handed over the receipt for the day’s activities along with a folder filled with information about the spa and an application for membership.

“All Bangtan Blossoms members are allowed to give out a spa day treatment like the one you experienced today,” Jimin explained. “If you decided that you’d like to take advantage of that special offer, just give me a call, cutie. I’ll hook you up with some fantastic spa swag and maybe even a little extra.”

You considered his offer as you tracked his tongue poking out to lick his lips seductively. The twinkle of mischief was dancing across his pupils again and you memorized the look in his eyes to get you through the next couple of nights.

Oh, I’m definitely going to be thinking about that.

“Thank you, Jimin,” you replied. “I will absolutely keep that in mind.”

He walked you and Jungkook to the door and sent you off with another suggestive kiss on the inside of your wrist. 

“See you soon,” Jimin whispered with yearning. “I hope.”

Jimin licked his lips and cocked an eyebrow at you before sauntering back behind the reception desk. Jungkook glanced back and forth between the two of you with a predatory look in his eyes and you shook off the fleeting tingle of passion Jimin incited. 

“Let me see you out to your car, sweetheart,” Jungkook offered. “It’s the least I can do.”

Jungkook held the door open for you as you exited the spa and headed for the parking lot. The sun was just dipping down to the horizon, and you gawked at the realization that you’d spent an entire day at the spa.

Worth. Every. Second.

Jungkook placed your gift basket and tote in your backseat before opening your car door for you like a gentleman.

“I hope you had a good time with us today,” Jungkook said. “If you did, that means you’ll probably come back. From what we saw today, I definitely want you to come back.”

“From what you saw?” you choked out. “What do you mean?”

The guilty smile creeping across his face said it all, but the wink he gave you only confirmed your suspicions. They’d been watching you all day. He lifted your hand to give it another kiss and spun around to walk back to the spa. You were left in the parking lot trying to clear the rush of blood that was dusting your cheeks pink.

These guys will be the death of me. I swear.

The only thought running through your mind as you drive home was figuring out when you’d be able to visit them again.

Soon, I hope.

Author’s Note: I hope you enjoyed this little visit to the Bangtan Blossoms Spa. I know I did. If the Muse strikes again, maybe we can visit some of the other specialists? We’ll see ^-^

@caught-in-a-seesaw-stigma​‘s MASTERLIST

[interstellarwarrior]

I have been so overwhelmed recently, my cpstd and anxiety have been beating me into the ground. My brain has been so mean and despite me fighting back with positive talk & lots of meditation it has still been rough. I’ve been feeling as if I can’t accomplish anything at all and that breaks my heart because I know I was put here to be a light in this world. And my mission has been blurred by all of my trauma and these monsters fighting for control of my brain. I’ve been fighting back as hard as I can, but I’ve just felt so weak. So yesterday I caved & I went to buy cbd gummies to get me through the day, I bought my vitamins that are suppose to help with my adhd and I made an emergency appointment to see my doctor. There was a lot of crying and him handing me tissues. He listened to me. He acknowledged my pain, he sat there and listened to me unload every fear, pain & struggle that I’ve been facing. He gave me good advice and talked me through my panic attack. God, I wish he could be my therapist because he’s an amazing doctor, really I couldn’t be more blessed. He changed my Xanax Xr to klonopin & put me on ambien so I can get more restful sleep. I feel like I can breathe again. I feel like I can do laundry. I feel like I can play with our pets. That mean voice in my head has shriveled. It’s still there, but not as loud and crippling. I feel like a real, capable person. And I haven’t felt this way in a very very long time so I’m getting emotional about it. I feel blessed & protected. I woke up very early this morning so I did a guided meditation to put me back to sleep and thirty minutes in I woke up from a traumatic nightmare. I felt weak, and terrified and I couldn’t catch my breath. But I had to go return my Xanax to my doctors office so I got up, got lazily dressed and drove there in a haze. It was pretty bad. There was a man in there that kept staring at me, being creepy and it was triggering my nightmare heavily. I sat there for thirty minutes trying to catch my breathe and not have a panic attack because this man was scaring me. Everything got taken care of though. I came home and cried for a little bit until moon called me and hearing his voice helped calm me down. I did some yoga (gotta finish that because it was interrupted *in a good way though*) Moons mom called me downstairs and greeted me with these neon colored thigh high converse’s that I fell in love with instantly, but they won’t zipper up my legs because your girl is a size ten and these were meant for some one smaller. It’s okay though, I’m going to try and sell them! & then I went to pick up my medicine, took one & I can finally breathe again (: When I was walking to my car from the pharmacy this girl got out of a car with a bouquet of flowers and walked up to a family with a little girl and said “excuse me, can I give these flowers to your daughter?” The little girl took them and my heart! It was so beautiful after such a stressful morning to witness kindness and love in the world 🌎💖 An omen of what is to come, I believe. Anyways, I’m sorry this is so long, if you read all of this thank you and I love you ❤️

I just needed to rant (:

[scowlowl]

Hi c: I remember a post, I think it was from you, about long covid and getting it? Was that you? A friend of mine is struggling and I was wondering if you had any advice about what she can do :< Thank you!!

Oh no, I hope your friend feels better soon! That might have been me, I think I posted about it here a few times and there have definitely been twitter threads.

Standard disclaimer stuff: I am not a doctor. What I found helped me might not help someone else. Long covid is kind of fucked up to deal with because it seems to hit everyone in different ways, in different areas, and months later something that wasn't a problem before can suddenly become one. The long haul groups talk about it as something that feels like it moves around the body, like a total shit gremlin.

The thing that helped me the most initially was joining the facebook groups with other people figuring shit out. This was back April/May for me but they're still very active and full of people sharing resources.

Survivor Corps is I think the big one and they've been the ones reaching out to media and doctors to try to gain some recognition with the medical community initially (as far as I know, all kind of a blur tbh). There's also a long covid group here, and if your friend searches for like, long covid + the country they're in there are usually more local/regional ones for resources closer to home too.

Because we don't really know what specific mechanism is triggering a lot of the long covid stuff yet, most of us are just treating symptoms. Some people have been diagnosed with mast cell activation syndrome (MCAS) and I don't know diddly squat about that but it might be something for your friend to look into. My whole thing has been inflammation and my immune system basically attacking itself because immune systems are both very complex and compellingly fucking stupid. Not to victim blame the immune system or anything.

What helped me depended on what was going wrong at the time, obv, but it means it's a long list.

This is just going to be a brain dump, sorry.

- I never had pneumonia. Mine started in my throat, probably damaged my vocal chords, but never turned into pneumonia. I still had shortness of breath, pressure in my chest, and my oxygen levels dropped. I could breathe but with great difficulty and described it to the EMTs as "breathing is like work." It took all of my energy and focus to breathe in enough. If you are that this point, ever, like, literally fucking ever, call an ambulance.

- Tylenol for a fever. 

- Blood thinners if necessary, I never had any but we know now that a lot of problems are blood clot-related. Tbqh my blood is more thin now than anything but I always had anemia and some sort of “your blood is too small actually?” problem and we don’t know why. I just bleed a lot and bruise easier now. 

- If they try to tell you it's anxiety or in your head or you're not that bed, tell them to go fuck themselves and go to the hospital. Get tested if you can. A lot of the problems long haulers ran into was that we got sick before tests were available, or we were talked into staying home by the emergency workers, and we never got tested. This opens the doors for doctors to tell you it's all in your head, psychological, anxiety, allergies, etc. Just. Go when you first feel sick if at all possible. Get tested before it turns into long covid. 

- I was not sure in the beginning what "shortness of breath" or "pressure" actually felt like, and it made me delay calling for an ambulance for a few days as well. For me, it felt like there was an elastic band of pressure around my lungs. I couldn't fully inhale. My diaphragm was fucked in ways I still don't understand. My lungs also felt heavy, like there was a weight on them or like my lungs themselves were too stiff to inhale. That all counts as pressure/tightness/shortness of breath. So does air hunger, or feeling like you want to be swallowing air.

- I know I'm being super obvious but seriously shortly before I got sicker, I hit up twitter to ask what "pressure" was supposed to feel like because I couldn't tell if what I had "counted."

- Breathing: lying on my stomach with my chest propped up by pillow, in bed helped. So did  pursed lip breathing: here.

- I was prescribed salbutamol initially, which did help with the worst of the wheezing and opened up some of my lungs so I could breathe easier. When I went to the ER again a couple months later, they gave me like 5x the usual dose and sent me home.

- I'm also taking Flovent/fluticasone twice a day for asthma maintenance.

- Histamines are a problem for a lot of people. Some develop a histamine intolerance, which can be helped by eating a low histamine diet.

- Antihistamines helped me the most. I was taking Allegra-D daily. Pepcid AC also helps, because it targets a different kind of histamine. There was such a run on Pepcid when this started that it was actually impossible to find in my area and I had to order some online. 

- I was recently prescribed Singulair and it has been life-changing this past week or so. As far as I know it's not really an antihistamine but blocks/inhibits a particular receptor involved in inflammation that comes into play when allergies do.

- Electrolytes. I don't know why, but my electrolytes are permanently fucked and too low now. If I don't go through like a litre of gatorade a day (or whatever, pick your brand of supplements), I am even more tired and brain foggy than usual. Helps a lot.

- Inflammation is a major problem all around. Sometimes I go for the naproxen or advil and it will help any really major acute flare-up now (like, I can feel when my gallbladder is getting inflamed and about to spasm and I can cut it off sort of), but mostly it's also daily maintenance. I take cucurmin and black pepper daily.

- Other supplements: vitamins A & D, a multivitamin, NAC.  

- CBD oil. This worked wonders for me for a lot of the side-effects of covid, costochondritis and shingles pain especially.

- Diet. I mentioned the low histamine one above. Other people have had some success with a low inflammation diet. Some folks also have so many GI problems that they basically ate chicken and rice and slowly reintroduced foods to see what would trigger something. I appear to get super fucked by nightshades now, e.g. Alcohol is an absolute no. I had to cut caffeine for months because of my heart. (No caffeine/alcohol/red meat was my doctor's first and best advice for heart stuff at the time.)

- Speaking of the heart stuff, if your friend is dealing with that: electrolytes again. I have pedialyte freezies that I would suck on whenever heart palpitations started and it helped calm it down some. My heart was so, so fucked for months that whenever I ate or stood up or sat down it would hit like 140bpm and I had to spend an hour moving as little as possible or I'd just about pass out. There are a LOT of long-haulers now dealing with POTS and I can't really speak to what helps that in particular but if your heart is messing up at all: call a doctor. I still don't know how damaged my heart is from all of this because doctors and wait lists, etc. Get a jump on that.

- Insomnia was absolutely the worst I’ve ever had and I’ve had lifelong, “I’m awake for three days wee” insomnia. The Singulair knocks me right out at night, so that's a bonus, but there has not been a single night since getting sick where I didn't have to take something to help me sleep. I was on Zopiclone before getting sick, at least, but seriously talk to someone about insomnia if necessary. The sleep deprivation alone was making so many things worse.

- Brain fog? Brain fog. I don't have any or many answers for this. My short-term memory is wrecked and usually I'll remember something 2 weeks later, so I live my life on a 2-week lag now.

- Related to brain fog, fatigue. Don't fuck with it. Do not. Chronic Fatigue and Myalgic encephalomyelitis are both brought up often with long covid. I am dealing with it but don't know what to say about it yet because I haven't had a single doctor give a shit thus far. I've spoken to a relative who's an occupational therapist about it and her most helpful advice was about "energy envelopes," which is basically spoon theory. If you feel tired: stop. If you don't, or if you try to push through, we relapse hard and fast and you can pay for one day of walking 10 minutes too long with weeks of being stuck in bed. It's miserable. It will take longer to get back to normal. Some of us can exercise and feel amazing after; others are exercise intolerant and it wrecks them. (I feel best after like, 10 minutes of walking and sunshine right now, which is after months and months of being bedridden.)

- Treat mental exertion the same as physical. Doctors told me to drink Gatorade after mental work because it's still work, and it has helped a lot for whatever reason. It also helps to work on one thing at a time, take a break, switch gears, take a break, etc. I can't multitask anymore anyway.

- Eliminate whatever stressors you can. Stress will make everything worse. 

- It comes and goes. Every relapse was a bit shorter and a bit easier for me, so that now when I fuck up it's like 2-3 days instead of weeks, but it's a rollercoaster.

- It can be random as hell. For about two months my gallbladder just decided to up and die, basically, and we were talking about having it removed. And then it was fine. Hasn't bugged me again lately. I know I said it's symptom management, but it's also like... symptom chasing and trying to figure out what's happening every time the sun rises. This is also exhausting. Everything is exhausting.

- Brain shit. Some of us have serious trouble reading. Sentences swim together. Letters wouldn't turn into words. I took this as a Challenge and started reading children's books and then Animorphs again, like... slowly, as much as I could do without pushing it, and it's still not perfect or great but it was an okay place to start. Honestly the hardest part was the embarrassment and going from a PhD program to reading kids books, but. Do what you have to. Do what you can.

- Sticky notes and labelling things around the house so I could see them when I needed them. I am not fucking around when I say brain fog. I can open the fridge, know I have milk, know it is in the door, and literally not see it to find it. I will put the cream in the dishwasher. I will spin in circles in the kitchen remembering and forgetting and remembering why I’m there again. Sticky notes. Also: journals, index cards, write literally everything down if you need to remember something. Put it somewhere obvious. I like writing on the bathroom mirror for the important shit. (Don’t use lipstick.) 

- Unsurprisingly, a lot of us are struggling with anxiety and depression. Don't let doctors get it backward: it's not anxiety making us sick, it's being sick and ignored and fighting to be helped that's making our mental health worse. So many doctors tell us it's all in our head. I did not move across the country because I was too sick to take care of myself because of ~allergies~ or ~anxiety.~ Fuck off.

- So, so many people report that they relapse whenever they menstruate so if your friend is in that group, they might want to prepare to feel like fucking trash every 4 weeks no matter what they do. I don’t have any advice on this one, I’m sorry. There are a lot of people discussing it in the FB groups, though, and those are searchable for symptoms. 

- So... a tl;dr list of things that might help: anti-inflammatory diets, anti-histamine diets, pepcid AC, allegra or other allergy meds, vitamin A/D/E, multivitamins, electrolytes and gatorade, albuterol, fluticasone, zopiclone (or anything that helps with sleep), CBD oil, singulair, anti-nausea meds (buscopan), muscle relaxants (spasming gallbladder). Rest, so much rest, do not fuck with The Rest if you can help it. I also encourage just getting high and edibles as much as you can because it sure helped me chill out big time and I think was a big factor in my recovery, at least as far as helping me calm down and helping my heart were concerned.

- The actual most helpful part outside of what to take or do was other people. Friends would go out and get me things when I could not, including like, cat food deliveries and all. I had co-workers ready to step in to take over my work on days I could not. I had friends calling doctors because I was too tired to fight them or self-advocate. I don't think it's an exaggeration to say they helped save my idiot life this year. Literally. It's a lot to ask of anyone but it's also that level of support that some of us need, and there shouldn't be any shame in it. (I still feel bad about it anyway but what are you gonna do.)

Depending on where you live, some places are setting up long-haul covid clinics to help people. Reports are mixed: some demand you had a positive test even if you were sick before tests were available. Some people are getting a lot of help regardless. Some are being sent home and told not to come back anyway. It’s kind of a gamble right now but either way, there’s at least some medical recognition making headway now so my fingers are crossed.

Anyway you basically sound like a good bean and your friend is lucky to have you asking around. I have absolutely forgotten something at some point in here because, well, brain fog and no memory, but if you have any questions or want something clarified please just ask. Stay safe!

[datingintampafails]

Chapter 28: Jake* Part Six

The End

The following day, I don’t hear from him at all again. I try being more assertive since that worked yesterday. “Hey let’s hang out today.” Unfortunately, he has plans with a friend and says maybe the next day. Though we discuss and he says he will bring me lunch the next day again! I am looking forward to it, and am noticeably bright and peppy at work, because I know I will get to see him. Unfortunately, as it starts to get closer to lunchtime, he texts me saying that he’s stuck working and can’t do lunch. I thank him for letting me know, though my growling tummy is not happy. I was banking on him bringing me food so I didn’t bring anything to eat. He ends up completely bailing on the whole day, the last I hear from him he says he’s making dinner for his family. 

Friday, he is communicating again, he is babysitting his niece. He seems to commit to getting together later.

Since he lets me know his family is out of town, in my mind, that means, “hey they aren’t here so I will have time to spend with you.” I am incorrect. Despite this, he tells me his friend is coming over and then he bails, again. 

The next morning I text him, bringing out my sexy side, but am turned down immediately because he’s “on a boat fishing.” He says that when he gets back that I can spend time with him. It’s now Halloween, and I still never got an answer from him regarding if he was going to join us. I send him messages but get nothing until trying to make next day plans.

After this, I feel like I’m acting desperate, but literally, all I want is time together. I tell him to make time for me the next day, and he says an enthusiastic “ok.” That is sarcasm. When I leave my friend’s party around 10, I call him, but he doesn’t answer. In the morning he tells me he was “schleep.” I go to work and let him know when I am about to leave. I call him and try to suss out the plan. When I finally call him because I’m at this point in my car ready to come over, he says he is cleaning his house and has to do a few things before he can see me. I’m honestly a little irritated and get sassy with him. “I mean I’m like right down the road, it would be more convenient to just come now…” He still says no and that he will text me later. I begrudgingly drive home. 

He lets me know he’s done with his stuff but is meeting his mom out to watch football. I tell him to say hi to her for me, “ok” is the response I get from him. He sends me a picture of the food and drink he gets per my request. It’s been a while so I follow up.

I respond to that with an extension of his name, to represent my irritation; example: JAKEEEEEEEEE*.

A few minutes later he says that I can come get him now if I want, I say “yes” and head that way, letting him know when I’m there. He comes to my car with a baja blast in hand. “BAJA BLAST! Oh babe thank you.” He is smiling and says we are sharing it but that he wouldn’t keep baja blast away from me. On the drive over, he is saying that he reactivated his Facebook in order to sell some stuff on Marketplace. I admit to him that I actually already know he did that, because when he did Facebook started suggesting that I add him, due to us following each other on Instagram. He didn’t have anything to say about that, besides just “oh.”

We get to my place and we play some smash bros on “our” switch and I win most of the games, but when he wins them I give him a sportsman-like handshake and said good game. We unlock a few new characters for me, before we stop playing. We are talking, and he is saying he is tired. He’s more or less taking a nap sitting up on the couch, so I invite him for us to go to my bed to nap. 

I am in a mood, so I try to seduce him. He rejects me, saying his head hurts. I am well-behaved for maybe ten more minutes before I try again . He fingers me and is using three fingers at one point, I tell him he is a dirty boy. I suck on the fingers that he used in me. I ask him if he wants to have sex and he agrees now, so we do, but I can tell he isn’t very into it so after he says he doesn’t think he is gonna be able to cum, I agree and we stop. I go to the bathroom and find that I have blood on my face. I call out to him, finding that when I use the bathroom I am bleeding. I don’t have periods, so that is not something I would expect. I wash myself up and tell him to wash his hands. I surmise that while he was fingering me he must have scratched me from the inside at one point.

Now in pain and feeling unsatisfied, I lay back down with him for a few more minutes before he says he thinks he should go. I drove him back home, on the way saying that I was still happy that I got to see him. He simply said “it was nice seeing you too.” He’s getting out of the car and turns to say “hey I’ll text you when I get home.” I laugh and say “yeah okay.” Playfully I call after him and say “fuck you” while laughing before I drive off. I let him know when I get home. I’m getting in bed and feel something on my leg in my bed. I look and find a vape pen. I do not vape, I didn’t think Jake* vaped, but I know it is his and must have come out of his pocket when he was in bed with me. I let him know I found it though.

Next day I don’t hear from him, so as it’s getting to the end of the workday I ask if he will be home after I get off work. I tell him I’ll get the vape back to him next time I see him. It is weird that he picked this up and didn’t even feel like explaining it to me. I know there are different kinds of vape pens, so I ask him that’s in it just to see if it's CBD, weed, nicotine, etc. When I ask him, he just tells me “crack.” I feel like he is joking, so I tell him I’ll take a hit later then. I tell him I’m bringing my dog to work the next day while exterminators are over, and joke about her staying with him. He says he is working, and I respond that I was 100% kidding. I to this day don’t understand why he does this, but he “loves” my message saying I was kidding. I text him later telling him that I am still bleeding from last night, but he doesn’t respond. 

At this point, I’m getting weird vibes, so I decided to give him some space. I cease all communication until Thursday, three days later, when I ask him if we can get lunch on Friday, since I have it off. I am not surprised, but still in shock by his response.

Knowing that it is essentially over, I am already very upset. In my mind, if you have to think about it, you’ve already made your decision probably. He has told me in the past that he tends to ghost women, and so although he was more or less doing that, I did get a message versus nothing. I am at work when I get this message and I take a break to go to the bathroom and cry. I wipe my tears and am glad I didn’t wear make-up that day. When I return home I cry some more.

He leaves me on read, and I follow through and continue to give him his space. That weekend is terrible for me, because yes, I am not with him anymore, but more so because I have terrible tooth pain all of a sudden, and go to an emergency dentist and am told I have to have a root canal. I deal with it, and fight through my physical and emotional pain. 

Monday I reach out to Jake*, because the weekend is over, and like I had said, I want a conversation. By this point, I am angry, I don’t appreciate how he had phased me out, more or less, over the last week and even if he does want to be together, I’ve decided that is no longer what I want, despite what we used to have. 

I call him and he doesn’t answer.

 (Part 6 will continue on another post because I ran out of being able to post more photos)

[katlynrussell]

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[cripple-cryptid]

I know what I have to do, now. Slowly, I’m working through the mess that is my current situation. I’m tired. I’m in pain. I don’t know how to move forward. But I will.

Slowly.

The cane is coming back. It has to. I’m too unsteady, and my brain fog is too bad. I’m even struggling to type this now, because I’m so tired. The gloves are going back on my hands, the sleeves on my calves. It just has to happen.

KT Tape might be a good idea to revisit if I can find a way around my adhesive allergy. My doctor keeps bringing it up, and I have some in my car. Maybe I should use it again.

I have to schedule snacks and water breaks. I have the means to, I just need to put it into motion. I need to keep myself hydrated above all else.

Naps. They just...they have to happen. I don’t know how, but they need to happen. Or at least rest time. This fatigue and brain fog is impossible to navigate without more sleep.

I need to make everything easier for me to reach. “Spoonie stations” as I’ve seen people call them. Sure, we set up the mini fridge, but I need my other items close by as well, such as my CBD products, magnesium lotion, and other such things.

I need to make flare kits. And an emergency kit. I have no idea where to start on that.

So at least I’ve sort of picked a direction to move towards. But now...I’m exhausted. I went to an appointment today, and apparently there’s something going on with my knee. I’m tired. I have organizing to do but I don’t have the spoons.

[dentalinfotoday]

Ever had a dream of chipping, cracking, or losing a tooth? You’re not alone; this is one of the most common scary dreams worldwide.

Almost 40% of people surveyed had this frightening experience, so when it happens in real life, many patients are understandably distraught.

Here’s the good news, though: while harming a tooth can be concerning, it’s not the nightmare you may be expecting. Between home remedies, prevention, and treatments, there is a solution to your dental distress.

Read on for everything you need to know about fixing a cracked or chipped tooth.

How do teeth get chipped?

In my decades of dental experience, teeth can get chipped in some surprising and unexpected ways. From passionate kissing to weight lifting to bounce houses, there are a variety of ways that chipped teeth occur.

Even seemingly innocent activities like shivering, munching on hard candy, or an overly enthusiastic greeting from your pet can crack or chip one of your pearly whites.

Essentially, a chipped tooth usually comes from a blow to the mouth that is stronger than your tooth enamel, the tough coating on your teeth, can sustain.

Though your enamel is the hardest substance in your body, it may not be able to withstand events such as high impact blows, tooth grinding, extremely hard bites, or falling.

In teens, the leading cause of tooth chipping or fracturing is falling or trauma during sports activities.

The impact can be exacerbated by tooth decay already present in the mouth that can weaken structural integrity of the tooth.

Symptoms of Chipping/Cracking

It’s fairly simple to notice a broken tooth in the front of your mouth. Some symptoms of teeth that are chipping or cracking:

Feeling a rough, uneven, or jagged edge on the surface of the tooth when you run your tongue over it

An irritated tongue from rubbing against a tooth’s jagged surface

An irritated gum line around one tooth

Pain when biting or putting pressure on the tooth

A sudden sensitivity to cold foods or drinks

If any of these apply to you, schedule a dental visit immediately to prevent further chipping, cracking, or pain.

Difference Between Chipped or Cracked Tooth

While they may sound interchangeable, there are some differences between a cracked tooth and a chipped tooth.

A chipped tooth can either have a small part of the tooth break off, or a large chunk that exposes the root. Either way, you will lose a piece of the tooth that was previously attached.

Chipped teeth are often noticed more quickly, and it’s important to treat them immediately for your oral health.

On the other hand, a cracked tooth doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve lost a chunk of dentition, but rather that there’s divide happening in the tooth. This can be a hairline crack that’s barely noticeable or a split that reaches down to the root.

While a crack is typically not as painful as a chipped tooth in initial stages, if you put off dental care, the crack can deepen and you could eventually lose your tooth.

What to Do When You Chip a Tooth

A chip or crack can be shocking when it happens, but don’t wait to take action.

First, if a piece of your natural tooth is missing, try to find it and pick it up by the crown, not the root. Keep it safe in saliva (or milk, if necessary) to bring to the dentist.

Place sugarless gum, dental wax, a teabag, or another dental filling material over the tooth to protect the rest of your mouth from any rough edges.

Take an over-the-counter pain reliever to reduce inflammation and discomfort.

If you must eat, stick to very soft foods.

If you have a very minor chip or crack, you may be waiting a few days before your dental visit. In the meantime, be sure to floss, rinse with salt water, avoid hard foods, and chew on the other side of the mouth if possible.

No matter if it’s a small chip or a large crack, possibly the most important thing to do when you chip or crack a tooth is call your dentist.

This is a dental emergency, and an appointment should be scheduled immediately!

10 Chipped or Cracked Tooth Treatments

Your dentist can determine what dental procedures you may need based on several factors. Unfortunately, it’s impossible to fully assess your treatment options at home.

Their recommendation will take into account the size, location, and type of damage that has happened to the broken teeth. From these components, they can design a plan to get your oral health back on track.

1. Reattachment

In cases where the tooth fragment can be preserved, reattachment is usually possible. The dentist will cement the missing piece back onto the chipped or cracked tooth, providing a cost-effective and non-invasive treatment option.

This treatment has been shown to be generally long-lasting with positive results over time.

2. Reshaping

If the tooth chip is very small, the issue can often be corrected by simply reshaping the tooth, which means smoothing and polishing the affected area. This is a simple, inexpensive, and typically painless tooth repair which should only take one visit.

3. Filling

A more significantly sized problem may require a filling. This will simply fill in the hole or crack left if the tooth is unable to be reattached. Again, this is fairly painless, and for more information, check out my guide on what to expect when getting a filling.

4. Bonding

Dental bonding will fill in the crack left using composite resin, which is a bonding material that can be tailored to match the color of the individual’s teeth. Your dentist will etch at your tooth to roughen the surface, which helps the resin adhere.

This will be shaped to imitate your natural tooth, and an ultraviolet light to dry and harden the composite material, which can last up to 10 years. This small and manageable repair is typically also cost-effective.

5. Veneers

A veneer is another option available, especially in larger chips or cracks that affect the front teeth. For a veneer, a small portion of the tooth will be smoothed away, and the dentist will send an impression away.

You will use a temporary veneer on your tooth as you wait for your permanent one to be made and placed.

Porcelain veneers are the most popular and effective option.

6. Onlay

A dental onlay is used on molars that have lost a significant portion of their substance or have a fairly major crack. These are generally made of porcelain or dental gold (the least toxic material) and, like a crown or veneer, created by a special lab.

If the damage is significant enough, you may need a full crown.

7. Crown/Cap

Getting a dental crown or a cap is generally recommended when a larger portion of the tooth breaks off. The crown can be fitted to the top of the tooth to cover the missing enamel.

Here’s my full breakdown of the costs, procedures, and benefits of getting a crown (or cap).

8. Root Canal Therapy

A root canal is a well-established treatment option with a great success rate, even after several years. Root canal therapy is your next step if x-rays or a visual exam confirm that the damage has reached the pulp or root of your tooth.

This is a more invasive measure taken to save you from losing your tooth, and is accompanied by a crown. Your general dentist may perform this procedure themselves or refer you to a specialist called an endodontist.

While no one loves hearing the words “root canal,” saving your natural tooth can be worth the trouble. Without this intervention, the tooth can become infected, and in extreme cases the problem can even spread to surrounding blood vessels and other tissue.

Here’s what you need to know before you go about root canals.

9. Extraction + Dental Implant

If your dental problems after cracking or chipping a tooth are beyond repair, you may need your tooth extracted and a dental implant to replace the cracked or chipped tooth.

The tooth and roots will need to be fully pulled out, and a new implant placed.

10. Tooth Splint

For a tooth that is cracked, not chipped, a tooth splint may be possible. The damaged tooth can be bonded to an adjacent healthy tooth, and allows the surrounding bones and gums to recover. This is an especially good option for loose teeth.

What weakens teeth? Chipping/Cracking Risk Factors

Studies show that molars and premolars toward the back of the mouth are the most commonly cracked or chipped teeth, specifically the second molars on the bottom jaw. Don’t skip the back teeth in your dental hygiene.

Other potential risk factors that can weaken teeth include:

Munching on hard foods

Untreated tooth decay

Weakened enamel

Heartburn or acid reflux

Poor oral hygiene

Gum disease

Age—those over 50 typically experience weakened enamel

Sports and bounce houses for kids

Horseplay with animals or other people (a dog’s jaws are very hard!)

Costs of Repair

Each tooth repair will need a dental exam done beforehand, which should be factored into the total cost:

Tooth reattachments, fillings, and reshapings generally cost under $300.

Dental bonding can cost anywhere between $100-$1,000, depending on the complexity of the procedure.

A veneer can cost anywhere between $500-$2,000.

A root canal and crown cost anywhere between $1,000-$3,000.

An extraction and implant generally run between $2,000-$4,000.

Each dentist has their own pricing and each dental insurance provider covers different repairs, so be sure to talk to your health care provider about your exact cost.

Recovery: What to Expect

Recovery from a chipped or cracked tooth can vary based on the treatment you need.

For some procedures, such as bonding, reshaping, reattachment, or a filling, recovery is almost immediate.

For more intensive procedures like extractions, crowns, root canals, or veneers, you may experience tenderness, inflammation, or other discomfort. This can be aggravated by the fact that these procedures normally require multiple visits to complete.

I recommend CBD oil for pain relief, easing dental anxiety, and even boosting gum health. Especially while you are wearing a temporary veneer, crown, or waiting for the next stage of your implant, this can be a great addition to your treatment.

How to Avoid Chipping or Cracking Teeth

If you are at risk for tooth chipping or cracking, you can take some steps I recommend to avoid chipped or cracked teeth:

Remineralize your teeth

Improve your oral hygiene

Stop engaging in tooth-weakening behavior

Never open packages with your teeth

Don’t chew on hard items such as ice, popcorn kernels, and hard candy

Always use a mouthguard when playing sports (and have your child do the same)

FAQs

Q:

Is repair of a chipped or cracked tooth covered by insurance?

A: It’s not uncommon to receive at least some coverage toward a dental emergency like a chipped or cracked tooth, but each policy is different.

Q:

Is chipping or cracking a tooth a dental emergency?

A: While a cracked or chipped tooth is rarely life threatening, it does need to be addressed immediately!

Call your dental office right away if you notice any chipping or cracking. It can minimize damage, give you more treatment options, and prevent further damage.

Q:

Why do my teeth keep chipping?

A: My number one thought would be weakened enamel, but the good news is that you can repair that by remineralizing your teeth. Another cause is teeth grinding. A misaligned bite can also contribute to chipped teeth, which can be repaired by orthodontic work.

Finally, take a look at the risk factors listed above; many causes of a chipped tooth can be easily prevented.

Key Takeaways: Chipped or Cracked Teeth

While a cracked or chipped tooth can be alarming, it’s not uncommon or a cause for panic. Chipped teeth can be caused by falling, chewing on hard substances, high impact hits like sports or falls, or even shivering or tooth grinding.

No matter what causes your chipped or cracked tooth, call your dentist right away if you notice symptoms, and preserve any fragments of the tooth in saliva.

Since most broken teeth are found in the molars, consult your dentist right away if a tooth is causing pain, sensitivity, or exposing a jagged edge. Your dentist can help you decide what the best treatment is, from reattaching the tooth fragment all the way to a brand new tooth implant.

Avoiding risky activities and taking great care of your teeth can help you avoid this unlucky break.

Want to know more about this (or any other) dental subject? Just ask.

Read Next: 9 Unexpected Ways Teeth Get Chipped

9 References

Rozen, N., & Soffer-Dudek, N. (2018). Dreams of Teeth Falling Out: An Empirical Investigation of Physiological and Psychological Correlates. Frontiers in psychology, 9. Full text: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6168631/

Yu, C. K. C. (2012). Dream Motif Scale. Dreaming, 22(1), 18. Abstract: https://psycnet.apa.org/buy/2011-26977-001

Hasan, S., Singh, K., & Salati, N. (2015). Cracked tooth syndome: overview of literature. International Journal of Applied and Basic Medical Research, 5(3), 164. Full text: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4606573/

Kahler, W. (2008). The cracked tooth conundrum: terminology, classification, diagnosis, and management. American journal of dentistry, 21(5), 275. Abstract: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/19024251

Paul, R. A., Tamse, A., & Rosenberg, E. (2007). Cracked and broken teeth–definitions, differential diagnosis and treatment. Refu’at ha-peh veha-shinayim (1993), 24(2), 7-12. Abstract: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/17696060

Sargod, S. S., & Bhat, S. S. (2010). A 9 year follow-up of a fractured tooth fragment reattachment. Contemporary clinical dentistry, 1(4), 243. Full text: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3220145/

Vertucci, F. J. (1984). Root canal anatomy of the human permanent teeth. Oral surgery, oral medicine, oral pathology, 58(5), 589-599. Abstract: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/6595621

Kang, S. H., Kim, B. S., & Kim, Y. (2016). Cracked teeth: distribution, characteristics, and survival after root canal treatment. Journal of endodontics, 42(4), 557-562. Abstract: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/26944835

Mathew, S., Thangavel, B., Mathew, C. A., Kailasam, S., Kumaravadivel, K., & Das, A. (2012). Diagnosis of cracked tooth syndrome. Journal of pharmacy & bioallied sciences, 4(Suppl 2), S242. Full text: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3467890/

The post 10 Treatments for Cracked/Chipped Teeth appeared first on Ask the Dentist.

from Ask the Dentist https://askthedentist.com/chipped-tooth/

[lifeinthegladhouse]

ive been having the most extreme depressive episode. the other day i was doing a lot of thinking alone and i experienced this thing called 'splitting' which I guess has happened to me before but it got really bad. i felt like someone else was emerging and trying to take control of me, something really dark and foreign and yet only could possibly be a part of me. it was extremely scary so i took cbd, went outside for a walk, got food, etc. later when cbd wore off i felt like someone took the tempo of the time in the moment and turned it up super fast, like i was in the back seat of a car held hostage and the driver was pressing the gas really hard and accelerating but nothing was going on - i was laying on the couch with calming music trying to calm down. i had a lot of triggers recently including having to move, losing friends, all sorts of shit, but i dont even remember what precipitated this stuff unfortunately. stress, likely, but fuck. my partner made an emergency sheet and was like if this happens again, call me, call the shop, we need to call people to talk to you or come over etc (there's no one i actually trust to come over tbh), and then was telling me where the ativan is, and stuff. i just dont want moving to break me. im worried that it could. i mean, when i moved to seattle, the first six months were rough. i didnt have insurance and cold turkey had to get off my meds, withdrew, and tried to get inpatient care at the hospital but they turned me away for being too "okay" (?). i wanted to die a lot at that time, and many times after, but particularly that time was hard.

so today i am trying REALLY hard to uplift myself. im not on social media as much, im trying to hydrate caffeinate responsibly and eat. i dont have reliable health insurance right now and california medicaid is really fucking broken and VERY not good so i cant really see a doctor or get meds (in fact my multiply-diagnosed partner is 'too high functioning' to get her MEDS THAT KEEP HER FUNCTIONING covered by insurance despite being low income and isnt that what insurance is fucking for?! she's been paying out of pocket for months). it's fucked up. but im trying to find something to look forward to. we still have to move.... but until then i gotta work on music, and also GOING OUT more. i dont have a car, and the bus system is weird here so i dont really know how to get around to do stuff and im also *scared to go alone and start dissociating somewhere new like i spent years doing in my last big city experience. ubering starts to add up so id rather not.

[braindamageforbeginners]

In Case of Emergency

Cycle 9, Day 4

So, welcome if you’re here from the Gryt article (the-gryt-blog/patricks-story-of-gryt-fefee6dd6a27), feel free to root through the archives, which cover parts of Tumor #2 (2014) forward through the current crisis (which is about eight months of progression-free according to my calculations). Speaking of the current crisis, even though I can’t speak for everyone, most people would consider getting a tip of the hat and take a day off. Sadly, I am not most people. I mean, I’ll take encouragement or adulation, but there are no days off when you’re sick; even if you’re on disability (if you do have brain cancer, or any other serious, debilitating illness, check out the federal government’s list of “compassionate allowances”). This is also why, even though I’d love to fictionalize or novelize my experiences (Hey Zoe)(and Zoe)(yes, two separate women named “Zoe” have asked me about that, which is probably a sign), I honestly don’t have time - the disease-based stuff just comes so fast and constantly that it’s all I can do to manage the situation as best as I can (the verb “manage” implies far more agency and control over the situation than I actually have, but I don’t think English has an appropriate verb) and take careful notes. Speaking of which, for those of you wondering if anything about my overall health has changed, I don’t think so, although I have had something of a brief hiccough today.

So, if you start chemotherapy, everyone - your doctors, nurses, friends who recently figured out how to spell “chemo,” random taxicab drivers - will warn you that chemo causes constipation. The Warlocks warned me from day 1, and gave me a few recommended drugs available over-the-counter that I could use to, ah, “alleviate” the situation, with the addendum that, I should fee free to call them if I needed any further help, recommendations, or prescriptions regarding that particular problem. I shrugged and made a note of it; however, further interactions with these guys (yes, I refer to my physicians a “The Warlocks”), suggested that my first impression - that they don’t screw around, and go straight for the nuclear option if there’s any doubt (again, bless him, Warlock Sr had my knee x-rayed after I got wobbly and sprained it on an elliptical). So far, that’s excellent oncology policy, but you want a somewhat softer-touch when it comes to your GI system.

I noticed, ah, occasional irregularity somewhere during the initial treatment, and just changed my diet to keep everything in me moving at high speed, along with lots of protein because I know, based on previous experience (at the recommendation of a neurofeedback specialist). Good news, a diet that’s good for the Fluten Gator, as Dad calls it (it’s German for “flood gate,” which I only discovered this afternoon, which is eerily accurate, as it turns out) is pretty easy to lose weight on (all it takes is eating 10 kilos of fruits and vegetables a day; you can keep anything else you manage to pile on top of that - realistically, that is the only dietary change I’ve made). What was only hinted at prior to this - which you also should know if you ever have to undergo chemo - is that the side-effects from chemo seem to get worse and more intense with repeated cycles (that’s been my experience)(although I should say the “chemo brain” has gotten better, with CBD and getting more sleep). And that kept me going until last night, when things reached a head.

In order to tell today’s tale properly, I should point out that my disinclination to laxatives has nothing to do with any sort of opinion about what’s natural or healthy (at this point, “natural” would be dying from cancer by March of next year), it’s because I have a rather sordid history on the subject (of course I do). Way back in 2002 - at the end of the last Ice Age - I had Tumor #1 removed. There were an awful lot of side effects and long-term mental/cognitive issues I attributed to that (Not that I’m a paragon of sanity and rationality now, but this is all in comparison). At that time, most doctors on my team were not only fine prescribing various opiates and narcotics for pain, I’m not sure they’d be above anaesthestising me  to get me to stop complaining and/or griping (in my defense, the next time you take a hatchet to the frontal lob, you’ll have a lot to moan about, too). The second that you’re out of the OR and somewhat alert, the nurses were giving me laxatives with every dose of various steroids, pain-killers, anti-seizure drugs, etc. Unlike McConnell’s next SCOTUS pick, I will admit that I blacked out. A lot (although I’m not sure it’’s “blacking out” if you’re just so exhausted you fall asleep every 10-20 minutes).. However, one of the fragments of memory is waking up at some late hour, realizing the nurses’ fiendish laxatives were about to start working, and screaming into the bathroom (possibly literally, which would be no mean feat, since I think I still had an IV in my arm). I’ve rather successfully repressed most of the rest of that memory and replaced it with the warning, “DON’T USE LAXATIVES.”

Cut to last night, when I realized that I hadn’t moved my bowels in over 24 hours (there’s more than a few women with kids who are reading this and thinking, “He doesn’t realise how easy he has it.”)(which is not inaccurate, but I’ll swap an eventually-terminal disease for permanent pooper problems any day of the week, if that’s a swap I’m allowed). Anyway, after taking last night’s bedtime meds (including Temodar), I made a mental note to address  the issue if it was still unresolved this morning. So, instead of descriptions, let me just give you the hour-by-hour-break-down of current events. 9 am - wake up, after ten-ish hours sleep (that’s my recommendation for Temodar nights). While noting sharpness of focus and memory (NO CHEMO BRAIN, HOORAY), note odd cramp-y feeling in guts that’s still unabated. 9:30-10:30 - standard mega high-fiber breakfast. Nothing. 11 am - take dose of Warlock-approved OTC laxative, which, oddly, starts like an “S.” Make there are clear lines of sight to the closest bathroom.

11-12:30 - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uMyCa35_mOg 12:45 - Look up how long it takes for - 8 hours?! Jesus, GI surgery would take less time. 1:00 pm - Take small dose of second laxative recommended by Warlocks (also a stimulant laxative). 1:30 pm - sensation of impending doom, rush to bathroom, memory cuts out 1:45 - Regain control of mind and body (which is feeling almost-normal again) while closing bathroom door. Privately vow never to use that bathroom again, which, given how badly I just got burned after breaking my own rule about laxatives, seems fair. 2 pm - While looking up laxative antidotes, realize I have five hours before the first laxative hits the system: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k9IfHDi-2EA