#brb taking a nap for the next 2 weeks

[thepuckishrogue]

you ever just watch a 42 minute video on cheese slicing methods because you don’t wanna write the thing?

[iuwon]

hello lina!!

🎐anon here,, i'm sorry it took me like a week to reply back..., i had exams this week and i tend to stay off my socmeds during exam week not because i want to focus on studying, no, no, absolutely not but because exams literally suck the soul out of me and i have no energy left to even open my socmeds or indulge in anything 😭, i literally take a 2 hour nap every time i finish one exam paper. so yeah... tough week and i'm glad its over. i have another big exam period starting on nov 16th so i'll have to study hard for that but, guess its freedom for now. anyways!! sorry i ranted too much. first thing i saw when i opened tumblr tonight was your pda hc post and omg 💘💘💘 , you literally never disappoint ?? i love it... especially jake's.... 'that's my girl' bruvv butterflies in my stomach. it's so rewarding to read your writings first thing after exams are over and i can finally open tumblr ㅠㅠ. oh and for the kpop groups i stan question,, i have 2 groups i ult rn which are aespa and enhypen!! i use to ult nct though back in 2018-2020 and i still keep up with them a little. i want to write down a lot more but i think i already said too much hahaha so i'll stop here. and please tell me about your week too 🥺. i want to listen and read about how it went or just little, memorable things that made you happy this week cause yk, i admire you and i want to understand you more

xoxo, 🎐

AHHH HI HI HI BB I REALLY MISSED YOU YOU'RE BACK. BRB SCREAMING

OKAY HOLD ON IM PUTTING A CUT BC THIS IS GONNA BE PRETTY LONG

AND NO NO IT'S ALL GOOD DON'T WORRY !!! priority is always important if not ppl end up like me 😻 I HOPE IT WENT WELL FINGERS CROSSED PRAYING ON MY KNEES THAT YOU GOT THE RESULTS YOU WANTED !! UGHHH tell me about it, exams are so mentally draining and exhausting just thinking about it makes me want to collapse. naps are always essential i live for sleep ✨ seriously i do nothing but fangirl, eat, sleep and study.

AHH NOV 16 THAT'S TOO SOON 😡 personally i need at least like,, 1-2 months of rest before another exam. FOR THE MEANTIME please rest well !!! sleep like a panda and eat like a panda 🤩 don't worry too much to prevent stress because you had it so rough oml :((( seeing how you turned off social media due to how drained you were just proved how much effort you placed into the exams 😼 but please please don't overexert yourself during the next batch of exams !!! i hate exams just for that reason only. make sure to never pressure or stress yourself with negativity no matter what scenario you're doing the best and that's all that matters !! 💞 NO FEEL FREE TO RANT ALL THAT YOU CAN

AGJWFEJFAJJWE OMG THE FACT THAT I WAS THE FIRST POST YOU SAW BACK ON TUMBLR #*%#*$%* IT'S GIVING ME EMOTIONS I'M GONNA YELL. AWEJGJWSK THANK YOU FOR READING AND ENJOYING THE HC WTF YOU'RE SO SWEET ????????? SERIOUSLY WHEN I READ THIS I STARTED SCREAMING AND JUMPING ON MY BED 💀💀

literally reading this is so rewarding like HELP you now and forever will hold the ability to say things that i can't stop thinking about 😭😭 AND OHHH AESPA AND ENHA !!! aespa along w bp and itzy are the gg i stan 😌😌 i used to stan nct too !!! but i somehow got pretty busy so i rarely just watch their videos 😭 i think enha and bts are the only groups that i'm up to date w/ but even so i'm still behind with their updates 💀 AND NOO ALWAYS FEEL FREE TO WRITE AS MUCH AS YOU WANT TO !!! i really love receiving asks and hearing from you, like honestly, it's so hard to explain 😭

"admire" SQUEAL CRYING EATING WALLS ROLLING SOBBING SCREAMING YELLING HOLLERING WHIMPERING HEART BLEEDING. NO BC THIS IS EXACTLY HOW I FEEL W YOU, YOU'RE LITERALLY JUST SO 10000000000% ?@#%?@!???INHALES. EXHALES. one day i will lose my sanity

BUT PLACING SCHOOL ASIDE I HAD A 4 DAY BREAK !! it's just about to end and school is starting tomorrow 🥀 i watched k-dramas w/ my mom, had late-night snacks (i love love love having late-night snacks/noodles it tastes so much better at night), and cooked breakfast for my family for 4 days (not really fun since i had to wake up earlier but at least i can cook) !!! it was so so fun :))

i'm going to the hospital tomorrow though !! our country doesn't allow vaccinations on minors so my doctor is issuing some special treatment to get me one on Friday !! i think i'm getting the faiser (is that how it's spelled HELP) or the moderna one and i'm pretty nervous bc i heard those are pretty painful (I HATE VACCINATIONS i am forever a kid at heart). i have online classes tomorrow so my mom is telling my to bring my phone instead to listen to my classes (a 100% fail but i can't argue against my asian mom). OHHH ALSO i was away from my gadgets the whole 4 days I JUST CAME BACK AND I SAW THE BTS SEASONS GREETINGS 2022 AJFEJGJAWSFJWEJ JIKOOK HELLO ?????????????????????????????? ,,,,, waIT hold on do you stan bts ?? I'M SO SORRY IF I'M JUST SPOUTING OUT NONSENSE <//3 but hmmm other than school i don't really have much going on 😭 currently going to study for my statistics quiz even though it's a rest day today 😡 ANYWHO HOW ARE YOU DOING THOUGH ??? WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN UP TO WITH YOUR REST ??? OR HALLOWEEN ???

[gra-sonas]

How can it be the cast are away to wrap filming all 13 season 2 episodes and we still have 57!! days before we even get a premiere this hiatus has been hell

I knooooooooow!

I’d been secretly hoping for the trailer to drop at the 1 year anniversary on January 15, but then there was nothing (not even a post from Carina or any of the official accounts to acknowledge it…). And soon we won’t even get updates from set anymore, since they’ll probably wrap S2 next week. 😩

Today it’s been 275 days since the finale aired - that’s 8 months and 27 days, almost 9 months! Entire humans are made in 9 months.

And now another 57 days?

^ Us on March 16, so utterly exhausted from all the waiting, we won’t make it until 9PM EST. 

I have no idea how much longer we’ll have to wait for the trailer, but it might be February before they’ll kick off promo for S2. We know The CW is notoriously bad at promoting their shows. All official RNM accounts have been dormant (apart from 3 or 4 tweets) since the S1 finale.

They did nothing to promote the show on Netflix during the hiatus, and apart from the usual pre-scheduled ineffective ‘promo posts’ once PR for S2′s officially a go, there won’t be much else. Fans on social media will do more for the promotion of the show than the people paid to do it… :P

If we’re lucky, the cast will do another press day, and if so, we might get some highly curated interview snippets promoting the first 2-3 episodes , and maybe we’ll even get a hint at one or two season relevant plot points we don’t know about yet (like we know there’ll be a ton of flashbacks, we know Jason Behr will be around for 4-5 eps, David Anderson, Madison McLaughlin, and Jamie Clayton, we know about Justina Adorno’s Steph. TELL US STH NEW, PLS)

We’ll get some terribly photoshopped character posters (if they’re super generous, they took new pictures and won’t reuse those from last year, but I wouldn’t count on it :P), at some point we’ll get a trailer with scenes from the earliest episodes, followed by more pre-scheduled promo posts on social media to tell us what we already know (that the show will be back on March 16).

AND THEN THERE’LL BE MORE WAITING. Until one or two days ahead of the premiere they’ll drop another clip with one (1) scene from episode 1.

And you know what, regardless of the minimalist promo efforts, despite curated interviews, partially misleading trailers and shabby photoshop jobs. WE’LL LAP IT UP! WE’LL TAKE IT AND RUN AROUND IN CIRCLES, SCREAMING AT EACH OTHER OVER EVERY LITTLE THING!

Because we’re STARVED! Starved for actual news, starved for new content, starved for Vlamburn possibly being in the same room (sadly they probably won’t do any joint interviews this time, they have a dumb love triangle to promote, they won’t be allowed to overshadow that with their 🔥🔥🔥 chemistry 😒), starved for getting to see Lily and Jeanine and Trevino and Amber and Nathan and Heather talk about S2.

Is2g, if they make us wait almost another year until S3, we’ll R I O T!

Brb taking a nap, waiting is exhausting…

[sandwichrin]

Hewwo love~ i rested up well today! ^^ i had my day off work for two days since I'm working on the weekends now hehe so i had a nice time napping with my cat today 🥰 awww how was the family event? I hope you ate good food!

Yes omg the show starts tomorrow!! Ngl i am super excited to the point that i can feel my heart beating fast fjjjddjd or maybe it's just the milk tea i had that's making me palpitating ㅋㅋㅋㅋ

BABE AAAAA ONE DAY WE WILL MOST DEFINITELY ENJOY BEING AT TREASURE'S CONCERT 😭🤞🏻💖 and when that day comes, we'll have a great time and YASS KFC after that would be a perfect end for the day!! We'd definitely talk about all the fun we had and ate our meals heartily 😭🤞🏻🧡 just thinking about it makes me happy :,)

uwu if the comeback is in january then 🥺🥺🥺🥺 omg babe brb imma go cry in awe because aaaa that would be such a perfect birthday gift 😭 also-- i might have miscounted the days because my birthday falls on the 16th of january so ;-; ahh but your guess is super close!! Bless, My Treasure was such a wonderful comfort song especially at the time of this pandemic 🥺🧡

Aaaahhhh omg you watch modern family too!! And omg I've rewatched HIMYM so many times too!! Babe-- we totally have the same type of series and musics like-- bless we're prolly twins in our previous lives 😭✋🏻 and eep!! Alice in Borderland 2 will be out next year??? AHHH SO EXCITED FOR IT!! okay but December is literally a year away so :,) *pats head* issokay bb you'll see your kento playing as arisu soon!! 😭🤞🏻

Babeeee I'm just hoping that amidst being busy you are able to catch up on rests and naps and eat your meals on time really 😭 i hope you're taking good care of yourself there. I miss you a lot but hey, our replies to each other are always long enough to make my heart full so even if it's late it's worth the wait!! 💖🧡 Stay safe over there okay? Talk to you soon, love you and hwaiting for the rest of the week bub! 💪🏻🍀✨🧡💖❤️🧡💖

Oml you really are so much like me like I can't😭😭😭Kento legit is the LOML these days and I just can't get enough of watching him. Like yeah sure, I liked him back during Death Note too but these days it's just out the roof lmao🤣🤣

Also, I hadn't sent this as an ask earlier lmao I had reblogged your reply🤣🤣bc I want my moots to know just how much I love you💖💖💖💖

So I'm telling you this beforehand, from now on, imma be realigning your replies and tagging you, so that I can show everyone just how cool you are hehe💖💖💖

Also, ALIY is amazing and is always a pleasure to read so shush about it being too long😭😭And please, I'm so happy you enjoy writing it, bc it's the same for me😭One day when you're done with the fic, I would love to collab with you hehe <3

And wow!! Did you enjoy the workshop?? Did you learn sth new?? Take plenty of rest and eat up well, you'll be needing energy starting tomorrow!!!

Love you always💖💖💖💖

Bb why you so nice and sweet it just makes me tear up so much to have such a loving friend 😭😭😭💖💖💖💖

Jfjddjj omg thanks for letting me know too 🥺 it's only been a year in since I've had a tumblr account so like, honestly i learned a lot from you and other people here really 🥺🧡

!!! 😭💖 I can't wait to collab with you one day! Would be such a great honor 🥺 and yup!! I learned a lot of new stuff during the workshop but wowee my notes are just jumbled up when i wrote them down the other day 😂😂 I'll sort it out soon hehe

I'm nervous for tomorrow but!! also kinda excited to see how work goes tomorrow :3 let's wait for our Monday fairy and hope that tomorrow will work out well for us too this week 🥰🤞🏻🍀 hwaiting for the coming week too bub! Let's hustleeeee <3

[tamiddyinyourcity]

5:10pm.

What's up, yall?

Saturday, February 29th of 2020.

I have clean clothes, a good job, nice skin, and plenty of things to be grateful for.

And I've got some sense too, which some people live their entire lives without. (Like the man at work, who thought I'd give him an elderly woman's packages without him providing any sort of name, or connection with the person receiving them....)

I had a good lunch, and am two hours into work.

The days get easier, the more they come. A week ago, I was crying and sobbing in my office. And today, I am contented.

I've got lots of items coming in the mail. Enough jewelry and dresses to make people drop their jaws. Its amusing, I've had plenty of people look at me and do double takes today in a positive and flirty manner, but I'm dressed.... extremely down. I guess all you really need is a nice face and the rest doesnt exactly matter.

So if I can get compliments with all of my hair tucked into a beanie and a slightly slouchy shirt on, then I imagine that having my hair blown out and a nice red dress will bring positive results.

And if not for anyone else, then for me! Winter is OVEERRERRR, BITCHES, so I can feel my inner City Girl coming back out. No more wearing the same seven sweaters and hiding from the cold in bed, hoping it doesn't find me!

THE SUN IS OUT, FUN IS OUT, BUNS ARE OUT-- actuallyiwannakeepminecovered, BUT, I RESPECT THOSE WHO WANNA BRING OUT THE CHEEKS FOR THE HOT SEASON COMING UP!

Plus, it's harder to sleep in hot weather. Next to a window on a sunny day through the glass is good for naps, but for weeklong depression naps, I will smell like I haven't bathed for two weeks, in a single day.... Hence, making me go, "Fuck, I gotta shower or else my sheets will suffer".

Which usually goes to, "Let's shave our legs... oooh okay i see you; lets exfoliate some more.... light some candles.... use that goodass olive oil.... daaaamn okaaaaaaaaay! I SEE YOU SIS!", and then I get better at self care.

Then I either stay depressed and my depression worsens over being glammed up with no one else to see, or I feeel contented, and learn to love myself and all I can do while appreciating my own self beautiful.

And then when summer is in full swing, then I usually can go, "Wait, its only 3pm???? The sun goes down at 9pm???? Time to show myself off, bitch!", and go out. :)

Thank you, universe, for blessing me with sunshine. It beats taking overly hot showers in the cold months to replicate the human intimacy I lack.

Now..... I don't wanna talk about Patrick, surprisingly.

That's a good sign. My way to get over relationships is to explain in depth my problems or beef with the person over and over again, until I eventually exhaust myself and get tired of remembering the same shit over and over again.

Then, I can move in easier.

If the options are 1) move on, and 2) re-think a situation you've thought about every day for the past two months and cause your own hemmorhage from all of the stress, then, option 1 seems the best.

I guess now I'm wondering if it's worth it to make a final letter.

Since as much as I know things, there was information I wanted him to know as well.

5:33pm. Brb.

[defiantscribe]

What Step Was Acceptance Again?

I'm in the last leg of my time away from my job and I've finally decided to accept some bits of my personal existence that I just won't be able to change.

For the record, this is going to be me whining about my current station in life and just generally feeling sorry for myself, so if this isn't what you were hoping to see or read, I'm at least being up front here and now so you can save yourself the headache and find something more entertaining or joyful on the internet.

I go back to work in 3 weeks, which sounds like a long time away, but for me it's going to pass in the blink of an eye and to be honest, I'm not sure I'm ready.  Not that I don't want to go do something constructive and use my skill set that's been getting lazy, but I just don't know if things are going to be better or more of the same tired bullshit I took the break to escape. Also, I'm worried about the potential animosity that will follow because my co-workers will definitely be happy for my return, but they've been struggling with bullshit for the past two months without me and that shit wears THIN after a bit.  So, that's another thing sitting at the back of my head as this return date approaches.

In this whole time off, I was hoping to find something "extra" to do that might bring me joy.  I will be straight: I haven't.  And I won't. I had all these grand ideas and things I wanted to accomplish and I'm working on the important things: going to the gym and exercising, trying to make sure I take my diabetic medications like I should (brb, need to go take my insulin shot), I have an appointment with a dermatologist in the next week to look at a sore that seems to have issue with healing that has prevented me from having "adult relations" with my wife for over a year, etc.

So it's not like I'm not doing anything, but as for trying to order my house, make things easier for my family, finding a set schedule, setting up rules and operations that would help keep things easy and functional have all floundered.  I started "vlogging" and after about 2 weeks of solid attempts, I bailed.  I straight bailed.  It was a hassle to update daily and when I didn't do anything of any intrinsic value, it was hard to keep updating on people that I'd crater in and watch anime or YouTube for most of my day until I had to pick up my kids or my wife.

And the YouTube thing was what I meant about trying to find something extra.  However, I learned a lesson in all this:  I'm boring AF if I'm not engaging with someone else.  Me, alone, is BORING. Some can do it, they can tell their stories and they're able to engage people without ever having another living soul to work off.  I'm not that way.  I work best when I can have someone to work off of or work with; me sitting in my upstairs, with nothing much else but a wall behind me was about as entertaining as listening to a toddler try to explain quantum mechanics.

Writing has been about the only thing that I've ever been "somewhat" good at.  I can get my point across, I can make my jokes or edit the dumb shit I say so this way it doesn't look like I'm a raging idiot. And for the record, this is all being written mostly on the fly.  I usually write in Notepad, then slap this trash into Word for spellcheck purposes. I change very little that I actually write. I feel that writing what comes to mind and sticking with it is the most honest version of writing and I'm not here to yank your dicks around, I'm here to get all the stupid shit that bothers me off my chest and hope that someone else out there reads it, relates a bit and maybe feels a bit better about their situation if mine is worse.

Another part of what I was attempting to do during this break was to learn how to use my non-linear editing software. It's HitFilm Express for anyone interested, it's free, but has paid versions for extra perks. It's a lot like Premiere, so check it out if you're looking at video editing.  There's very little I haven't been able to do with it and they do tutorials on YouTube and all that.  Shameless plug for them because seriously.... this program is pretty bitchin for being free. But, even with that, I haven't fussed much with it.  Two main reasons were: it's time consuming.  Like really time consuming.  And I just didn't have the time to invest in that.  I'm trying to do laundry, I'm trying to make things in my kitchen or clean after my family (it's a job in itself) and the second reason was that most of my imagination is toast these days.

Sure, I can paint a colorful picture when describing a tech issue (most of my co-workers and clients get a kick out of my analogies), but I just can't come up with the shit I could 20 years ago.  I turn 40 next month and I just can't think of things like I used to.  I remember some of my old ideas and I just can't expand and when I attempt to develop something new, I can start, but I never finish. That's frustrating to say the very least.

I've also gotten to a point in my life where I'm not really wanting and I don't have any goals left to set. I have everything (besides money) that I will need, so I don't really have any desire to reach.  I don't mind traveling, but that's not some big thing for me.  Getting up early, flying, finding new plane, getting on it, spending time somewhere else.... it's work.  It's not a relaxing time, it's like a scheduled event that I have to meet certain checkpoints otherwise it was "wasted".

I'm not really that creative with my art.  I can't draw to save my life, unlike my daughter who is ALL ABOUT THAT and is pretty good.  My son's into gaming and can literally spends HOURS doing it.  After a while, I get bored.  It's fun to play with friends.... well, online friends, but as they all trickle out, I get to a point where I'm just like, "Nope, gonna go do something else now..." and peace out.  I don't play games for hours on end.  I got Skyrim for free and I've played like 76 minutes of it because I know how involved it is and I just do not have the time to invest in it.  I already isolate myself away from my family for the most part, don't need something to help facilitate that.

I don't wood work, I'm afraid of most power tools (saws especially).... I'm not musically inclined (got a keyboard and guitar in the house, they collect dust) and about the only thing I'm good at is modern electronics.  I essentially have 4 smart TVs in my house, all with computers hooked up to them, but do nothing fantastic with them besides Netflix, Hulu, Amazon Prime and use the Roku that's on all but 1 TV.

I've lost the desire, nay the zeal, to pursue anything more.  So, I've decided to simply stop.  Existing is tough enough, I think I just need to focus on that.  Don't misconstrue that, I'm not about self harm or the like, if you've read my older stuff you know my opinions, but I just don't get excited about anything anymore.  It's all mundane.  It's trite. And I've spent so much time trying to find something, ANYTHING, that gives me that youthful fulfillment and I got jack shit.

This is about the only thing that I still find enjoyable, but I don't have stories in my head.  I have one story in my head I've been working on since I was I think a freshman in high school, but it's a cringefest that if re-written by me today would be a completely different story.

And that's where I'm at. Just "here".  And as much as I feel I should be doing more, I have nothing more to chase. I'd rather take a depression nap because at least after that I feel awake. Angsty 39 year old guy writing on Tumblr, ghost copying over to Twitter.... this is who I am.  And, sadly, I'm indifferent.  Man, I'm a sad, lonely crab.  I really should find a hobby.  Suggestions?

One last note: After throwing this long ass bitch into Word, no grammatical errors (yay), but I don’t know how to properly spell: existence, definitely, intrinsic, pursue and apparently Word doesn’t understand ‘misconstrue’.  I guess acing English from K through 12 actually did something for me.  Don’t ask me about adverbs or adjectives or any of that nonsense, I still don’t understand that shit.