#brain: Whomst The Fuck?

[b0ngwater69]

God willing i am going to be insured next year thank fuck

[alittlebitofrainbyyourside]

I got Drunk tonight because idk, grown adult, I can do that and I'm currently doing the thing I do where I sober up as much as possible before I go to sleep. wanna go to sleep. it is So Many Hours past my normal bed time. but I was also literally still drink in hand past my normal bed time and alcohol has a half life of 4-5 hours.

[fuckyeahisawthat]

Hmm something about Viktor choosing (and I do believe he's choosing, even if only subconsciously) to make all of his evolved, "perfect" forms genital-less. I guess you can choose your own adventure with the purple robot Jesus body but I did have to think about it for Vestigial and in my heart of hearts I believe it is a Ken doll situation down there. Something something the outward manifestation of the idea of unconsummated and/or (in his mind) unreciprocated desire as an inconvenient flaw that must be edited out with all the other imperfections. Except of course you have not removed the ability to feel desire, only the ability to receive pleasure in that specific way. So it's all just none genitals with left self-denial while the physicality of his interactions with Jayce gets increasingly dementedly horny. Viktor you're catwalking into a fight dressed up like his girlfriend. Viktor you've got your legs wrapped around him and you're half a centimeter away from making him suck your robot fingers. Viktor you're choking him again. Viktor your hand is IN his brain. You're inventing forms of penetration hitherto unknown to man. Whomst in the fuck do you think you're fooling?

[cry4mina]

What You Need

(Pole!Dancing Momo x fem!reader)

Word Count: 4.4K

Light Angst/Smut

Summary: Momo has been locked in her studio for a week and a half despite your want for her attention. Little do you know, she’s been preparing a surprise for you.

TW: THIS IS MOSTLY FUCKING! Pole dancing, stripping, praise kink, Momo is a bottom (whaaaaaat), face fucking, fingering, and I’m unsure if i missed anything so just be aware of the sex.

A/N: The brain rot was real yall. A thank u to the secret contributor whomst helped me articulate words lmao anyway, DMs and asks are always open! Pls drink water and have a lovely day!

—

A long sigh leaves your lips while you lay down on the couch and scroll through your phone, switching between the same three apps before you huff again. You’re at home and so is Momo but she’s locked herself in her studio…again. Just like she had for the last week and a half.

Rolling over to one side and opening your messages, only to stare at the one you sent Momo an hour beforehand.

You: I miss you [9:45pm]

You: Can you come upstairs soon? :( [9:45pm]

Of course she didn’t reply. Scoffing in annoyance, you stand. Making your way to your shared bedroom and stripping down to just underwear on the way. Throwing your clothes in the laundry hamper, you stare into space. Bringing your hand up for a moment to wipe the sleep out of your eye momentarily.

It had been 3 hours since you’d seen her. Coming home in a whirlwind, throwing all her stuff to the ground before she kissed you and sped off to the basement studio. With no response to your previous message, you decide to send another.

You: I’m going to bed…let me know when you have time for me, I guess. [10:46pm]

A little passive aggressive for you, sure, but she knew how you’d been feeling. A conversation was had a few days ago about how you felt like she had been held up in the studio and not really spending time with you outside of coming to bed at 3am only to wake up at 8am and leave for her schedule. She said she understood and assured you it would all be worth it in the end…but you missed her.

Slipping into one of her oversized shirts that smelled like her with only panties on underneath, you wash your face and brush your teeth when your phone vibrates on the counter.

Mo: Please don’t go to sleep yet! [10:51pm]

Mo: I have something I want to show you! [10:51pm]

Mo: Give me 10 minutes and then come down to the studio, okay? I love you. [10:52pm]

Spitting the sweet minty toothpaste out and rolling your eyes, you start your skin care routine. Washing your face, dabbing on serums, the whole nine before you head through the living room. Passing the kitchen and head down the steps to the door of the soundproof room added on to the original house after purchase.

This wasn’t a space you ever felt like was yours so you rarely went inside. You remember her having it built into the house before you both moved in together. Only having seen it one time, to view the finished product all decorated and sparkling new.

Momo, of course, stayed with you when the construction workers were in and out of her house for the better part of 4 months. Sleeping in the same bed every night, cooking dinner together, date nights more frequently, having the dogs around, it was all such a dream that strengthened the already strong relationship.

The day the room passed inspection, she took the dogs and went home, worried about being in your space for that long. Not wanting to be a bother. She was always so kind and respectful but the silence of the house without their presence didn’t feel right. Momo called you right as you went to call her that night.

“Hey, uhm…I know it’s late but…I can’t fall asleep…the bed seems too…”

“Empty?”

“You feel it too?…Hey, would you- uhm… Do you want to com-”

“I’ll be there in 10 minutes.” interrupting the sentence before she could finish, beaming at the thought of sleeping next to her another night.

She asked you the next morning while you were tangled in the sheets, cuddling, if you wanted to move in together. You agreed with no hesitation.

Nothing compared to waking up to her everyday. You were missing that part the most as you reminisce on the memories. Sure, it hadn't been that long of a time, but the person who couldn’t fall asleep without you (and the person you couldn’t sleep without) was apparently too wrapped up in whatever was in that studio to be bothered to come to bed. Or hang out on the couch. Or spend any quality time with you.

Even with this, you respected her space. Trying not to be intrusive with her busyness and not going into the studio unless you were invited.

A little intimidated by the unfamiliarity of the room, you turn the knob and quietly take a step before closing the door lightly behind you. The walls are covered in white sheets, opening the space up, with the exception of a few mirrors that were strategically placed along the curtains.

Oak hardwood flooring really brought the brightness of the room together. A small couch and a chair sitting right in front of a silver pole that is bolted into the ground and ceiling beam.

Oh.

Blush covers your cheeks when you realize the purpose of that pole. Walking over to it and grabbing with your hand, you swing around on it, trying to hold your weight up to see how many times you can spin.

A small giggle can be heard through the sheets as Momo reveals herself from behind the curtain. Momo always admired your playfulness. Being able to match her energy was one of the many reasons she fell in love with you in the first place.

You hear the sound of heels against the flooring when you stop yourself from using the pole as a jungle gym, whipping your head towards the noise to see your loving girlfriend…in black thigh high pleasures with clear heels and soles and a black lace lingerie set you had never seen before.

Breath leaves your lungs immediately, you can’t help but gawk at her. Almost drooling, taking in her figure, eyes tracing every single part of her frame, up and then down and back up again. Forgetting to blink completely, absolutely overwhelmed with lust.

Momo smirks at you, running her hands through her hair and letting it fall back into place, slightly lifting her head to expose her neck a little more causing even more of a reaction between your legs.

She knows exactly what she’s doing.

Sashaying towards you, hips fully swinging as she approaches. She wraps her arms strategically on your torso, pressing her body into you. Melting together seamlessly even with the drastic height difference, your hands around the back of her neck when she leans down into you, bringing her lips close to your ear.

“So, you just want some quality time then?” muttered through the tension created in mere seconds. The act sends the warmest chill down your spine and a trickle of neediness onto the fabric of your underwear.

Nodding your head softly and biting your lower lip, any frustration you had disappeared in that moment with the way she guided you back towards the chair. Using her legs to ease you backwards, still holding onto your waist before gently pushing you into the seat she placed right in front of her stage.

Eye level with her waistband, you stare shamelessly at her abs, leaning into press your lips lightly on her stomach while looking up at her, eye dilating as you feel the goosebumps on her skin rise and her breath to cease.

A long exhale and a shutter as she lays her palm flat on your chest, pushing you back against the chair hard enough for the front legs of it to lift a few centimeters off the ground. A warning to let her continue with her plan.

She towers over you, hair framing her face casting the most delicate shadows. She unlocks her phone, swiping up and tapping a few times before tossing it onto the couch that’s against the back wall of the room.

The lights dim and music played low enough to hear the sound of her heels clicking against the wood. The song was hazy, alluring, and unfamiliar, not that you paid any mind to it at all. You are focusing solely on Hirai Momo, who is preparing to give you the show of a lifetime.

Your show.

All for you.

Momo takes a few languid steps around the pole, circling it enough to gain a little momentum before lifting herself up and using her weight to rotate the pole, showing off a variety of different poses as she watches your reactions, giggling at the way you gripped the arms of the chair in desperation.

Pulling herself up and holding onto the metal with her thighs and a single hand, she spins slowly while leaning back, letting her fingers trail between her tits. She falls into her well practiced routine. Her grace and agility intertwining and creating this seductively sensual display of pure strength had you absolutely weak.

Of course, you were very familiar with her body, but you had no idea that this was something she even had interest in utilizing all that muscle for.

A surprise indeed.

Your soft, fluffy, bottom girlfriend was using her body to dance for you in a way you never thought she would. Swinging herself in a way so calculated and so suggestive that it leaves absolutely nothing to the imagination.

It’s almost as if she’s grinding against the pole to taunt you. You’re staring at her attentively, burning holes into her flesh with every second your eyes lay on her. Dripping and clenching around nothing, shifting yourself in your seat to grind down a little and feel some form of stimulation.

The temperature rises within you, leaning back into the chair again to watch your girlfriend closely and see every muscle shifting and flexing. Her arms tensing through her movements makes your mouth and pussy drool for her in tandem.

Momo makes eye contact with you while upside down, legs holding her up on the pole. She slides down quickly, stopping herself before she hits the floor. Momo pulls herself up, swinging her legs around, you hear her knees clammer against the hardwood.

Breath hitching at the intimate display, clenching around nothing as she crawls towards you. So many filthy, vile thoughts race through your mind as her hands slither up your thighs, tracing the hem of your underwear, just to tease.

Gulping harshly as she uses your thighs to lift herself into a standing position. She places a finger under your chin and lifts it so your eyes connect again, lust blown eyes seer your vision. Canceling out everything but her.

Momo leans down teasingly close to your lips. Mouth chasing after hers in an attempt to meld together in an act of desperation. She’s sure to pull away but continues to stay close enough to keep you in her grasp. That devilish smirk paints itself on her face before she turns around, exposing her bare ass to you through her thong.

Oh, fuck.

Momo lowers herself onto your lap, slowly rolling her hips to the rhythm of the song. Your hands have a mind of their own, traveling up to her hips, taking in the texture of the lace and how it hugged her skin so perfectly.

A soft moan can be heard over the song playing. Momo’s hands fly to the thin arms of the chair to keep her level, rutting her hips a little harder onto you.

She lifts herself off you slowly, turning around to place her hands on the arms of the chair again, leaning over you as her arms squeeze her breast together with a very specific intention in mind.

Momo strategically places one of her legs between your knees before you go to cross them. She knew you'd have a hard time keeping still through her choreography. She wanted your face covered desperation and you dripping out of pure need for her touch. Completely at her mercy.

“You should take these off” hooking her fingers into your waistband to let you know it wasn’t a request. Sliding your underwear off hastily, tossing them out of view and finally connecting your lips.

Hungrily reaching out for her, practically losing yourself in her, your movements mirror each other's passion. Lips fused together, erratically fumbling through the open mouthed kissing and steamy lap dance.

Momo tries to kneel down in front of you, catching her before her knee can hit the ground and tugging her thong down to her ankles.

“I was enjoying that lap dance…” purred into her mouth.

“Maybe you should…keep going”

She kicks off her underwear and straddles your thigh letting you feel how much she wanted this. How much she wanted you.

This might have been her stage, but this was your show.

Her hands creep around your shoulders, pulling you tightly into her chest. The familiar scent of peaches and vanilla slowly eases any unwelcome tension. Your hands are on her hips when you pull her closer. Dragging her wet pussy across your thigh as you flex and coerce a groan from her.

“What was that?” teasingly inquiring, pushing her back just to slide her forward again. This time, a little rougher than before.

Momo clutches herself to you, resting her head on your shoulder while you set the pace for her to continue on. She whimpers into you, continuing to rut her hips on you while you mess with the clasp attached to her bra, undoing it quickly to expose her chest.

“Fuck, please…” whispered, removing the last of her lace leaving her in only those black thigh high pleasers.

Laying perfectly placed kisses down her neck until you reach her chest, taking one of her nipples in your mouth, rolling it around and flicking it with your tongue. Being unable to remove your hands from her, sliding one around her lower back and the other reaching for the boob that has had no attention, completely immersing her in your touch.

Music still haunts the background as Momo’s slick saturates your thigh, feeling it drip down the sides of your leg makes the knot in your stomach build. You wanted her so badly, you needed her, and craved the closeness she was finally giving to after what felt like years.

Removing your mouth from her nipple with a pop and ravenously bringing your lips up to hers, returning to the deep depths of lust that both of you were submerged in.

Scooting her backwards off your knee, you place a hand on her inner thigh, giving her the signal to spread her legs apart enough to straddle you. Lips never parting each other, tongues still intertwined through the waltz done out of pure need.

Her hand weaves through your hair on the back of your head, teeth bearing down on your bottom lip before playfully tugging on it and letting go. The pressure of her teeth causes you to moan, cunt dripping onto the chair the heated moment was taking place in.

“How badly do you want it, baby?” Momo’s hips buck at the question, you already know the answer but watching her squirm and beg for it was a delicacy on its own.

“Please…I need you. Please. Touch me.” desperately whimpered between her ragged breathing.

“Where do you want me to touch you?” You’re trying to play it off collected, even with a flushed face and the light movement of your own hips against hers.

Running your hands up her thighs, she leans into you exposing her neck. A silent ask. Open mouth kisses trailed up from her collar bone to her jaw. She’s panting at the gliding of your hands, up and down her thighs in deliberately slow, steady movements. Allowing your hands to dip between her legs and graze over her cunt.

An intense gasp is let out from her perfectly plump lips.

“There! Touch me there. Please, baby…I- I need to f- fuck -feel you”

“Good girl. You’re always so perfect for me.” a drop of her slick falling onto the chair into the puddle of your own as your hand approached her core.

Middling finger sliding up and down her absolutely soaked slit, just to tease her. Being sure to put the slightest pressure on her entrance and eliciting the most vile sound from her. She immediately tries to slam herself down on your fingers.

“Inside…I need you inside…fuck, baby, please!” her hands grip your face, fingers tightening around your lower jaw. Panting as she forces eye contact.

“Look at what you do to me, darling…oh, fuck” losing the grip on your chin and letting her hand trail down your chest, tugging in the sweater chasing your hand with her hips.

“Can’t you feel how much I want you?” mouths connecting passionately through the begary displayed.

Momo’s nails dig into your shoulders through the fabric of her stolen sweater when your teeth find her neck, biting down and entering soaking pussy with a single finger. Palm against her clit so she has something to grind into as you curl your fingers up, hitting her g-spot perfectly.

“Fuck…f- feels so g-good…need -oh my god- more…” jerking her hips to get more stimulation.

Pulling out momentarily to add another finger, she grabs your shoulders harder, using your palm to accentuate the build up of her orgasm.

Bites and hickeys lay across her chest which is heaving unevenly, spilling grunts and groans at the touch of your finger tips. Wetness coats your entire hand, continuing to thrust into her while using your hips as leverage to hit just a little deeper into her.

“I’m gonna cum! -Fuck, please-...c- can I cum?” Panted through her whines. She starts losing control of her movements, attempting to keep herself off the edge until you say that it’s time for her to release.

“Princess, you want to cum?” whispered softly to her, slowing your strokes with each word stated.

“And what if I’m not done with you?” removing your hand from inside of her.

Lifting her while holding her thighs, she crosses her legs around you. Making out while you turn, placing her down lovingly in the chair that she had originally set up for you. kneeling down in front of her.

Momo is half awestruck and half feral when she sees you rip her sweater off you, leaving you both completely naked. You yank her to the edge of the seat and bury your fingers deep inside her cunt again with no warning.

Moaning into the air, lifting her legs on your shoulders, the latex grips against your skin, almost anchoring her in place. Your mouth travels up her thighs with soft gentle pecks and light bites. Momo’s inner thighs coated in the dew drops of yearning, humming into the love bites as your tongue dances to sample her flavor before devouring her.

One long lick up her pussy before immediately attacking her clit. Her hands fly up and grip your hair, the overstimulation causing sweet moans and curses to reverberate off the walls.

“Right there right there right there, please -fuck- oh my god” her hips gyrating into your mouth, the neediness becoming more aggressive, returning to the edge of ecstasy.

“Tell me, princess. Does my good girl want to cum for me?.” Locking you into place with her legs and pulling you closer to her.

“Please, fuck, right fucking there unghh” the wet squelching sounds her pussy was making for you had you close to cumming untouched, knot tighten at every pump into her.

Her body tenses underneath you, grip tightening in your hair while she writhes under your touch. Unwilling to let go of her, you keep curling your fingers and refuse to stop your tongue from spiraling around her now very sensitive clit.

Momo’s face is beat red, hair sticking to her neck and forehead and panting in patterns that mimic hyperventilation. She pushes your forehead from her before finally relaxing her body into the chair.

A smile creeps across your face, being sure she’s watching you lick the remnants of her cum off your fingers. You shimmy her legs off your shoulders and the sound her heels hitting the floor almost startles her out of her post-orgasm haze.

“You’re such a good girl for me, baby.” lovingly placing a hand on her cheek before standing and taking a step towards where the pile of clothes was. A tightness encompasses your wrist, pulling you back to Momo.

The devilish glint in her eyes catches you off guard. Squatting down next to her as she still catches her breath, you take her hand and sweep a piece of hair off her forehead.

“You doing okay, honey? Do you need anything?” All she can do is smile through her breathless state.

“That was not how I planned this!” chuckling and fixating on your naked figure crouching next to her.

“Stand up.” halfway barked at you.

Not being one to usually take demands, you stay right where you are. Momo glares into your soul, unable to make you do what you’re told. She rolls her eyes and with a pensive face, rethinks her approach.

Watching the light bulb go off in her head was almost perplexing. What was she going to do? Her pupils dilate as she slinks to the floor next to you. She positions herself on her knees facing you.

“Use my face, baby” sticking her tongue out and angling her head up.

You slingshot up so fast you almost fall over. Catching your balance quickly enough for her not to notice and position your cunt right above her tongue.

So this is how she can get you to listen to her?

She takes the moments to lick the slick off your thighs, trailing her tongue up before laying it flat across your aching core.

Momo grabs your hand and places it on the back half of her head. You weave your fingers into her hair and use her in any way you want.

“Fuck” leaves your lips. Smearing your slick across her mouth like you’ve never had her tongue on you. Frivolously using her like your own personal toy.

She moans into you, vibrations sending you into a spiral of pleasure. Hips grinding harder down onto her warm tongue, you are unable to keep yourself together for longer than a few seconds, untethering completely into a lust driven state.

Feral was an understatement. The ache in your stomach clenching tight for so long and threatening to release every time you skim across her lips.

Momo’s hands grip your hips enough to stop you, a hand slipping between your legs. Her mouth attaches to your clit and her tongue starts circling. Two fingers easily penetrate you, adding another form of pleasure into the already passionate moment.

“Oh my fucking god…Momo, fuck” whimpering down at her.

Arrogant glimmer in her eyes sparkle while the pattern of circles spirals on, fingers curling up and quicken in pace.

Dripping down her chin and hands, you’ve lost all control. Euphoria creeps in, sprinkling tiny bursts of heat through your skin.

“Baby, I’m gonna cum…hmmmph- oh shit, I’m gonna fucking cum!”

A flash of warmth throughout your body as you clench around her fingers, aggressively thrusting your hips. Muscles tensing involuntarily, moaning loudly and holding your breath as you cum into your girlfriend's mouth.

Gasping for air and trying to keep your balance was challenging. Struggling to keep your legs locked as she continued to lick and suck, no matter how sensitive you already were.

Wet fingers come behind your thighs to keep you up and stable, nail gripping you as she locks you into place above her. A devious look smeared across her face with your cum, continuing to harshly suck and lick into you.

The overstimulation is causing an erratic need to keep going, almost painful, twitching at every pass of her tongue.

“Hurts so good” hissed between the heavy breathing and groans of ecstasy.

Momo aggressively slurps and siphons every ounce of tension out of you. Forcefully eating her dessert while it gripped her hair and praised her. Smiling into your cunt as she ripped another aggressive orgasm from your body.

Trembling above her as she holds you up, she’s smitten with herself as you twitch and convulse by her hands and mouth.

Reaching around and sliding the chair behind you before you fall down. The powerful jolt of endorphins she coaxed out of you reeling throughout your body once more, sending you backwards into the chair as you heaved and tried to regulate your breathing.

A grin crawls across Momo’s beautiful face gazing up at you. Zippers unzipping and the clunk of heavy shoes against wood snap you back from the fucked out daze you were in.

Sighing heavily, craning your neck over to see her standing next to you with her hand out towards you.

“Time for bed?” Questioning while closing her fist and opening it again, to non verbally ask for your hand.

A soft smile paints itself on your face, lazily throwing your hand into hers before closing your eyes again.

“Did I wear you out? Come on, baby.” Tugging your arm playfully and giggling at how successful her plan was.

Groaning as she pulls, you stand up and take a step, legs still shaking from exhaustion. Smooth soft skin hits your calf and your lower back as you’re picked up bridal style.

Nuzzling into her neck as she carried you out of the studio and to your shared bedroom. Laying you down in your spot on the bed and tucking you in before taking a half a step away.

Whining out to her without opening your eyes, you put your arms up for her to crawl into. A fluttery laugh is heard from the end of the bed when you feel the covers shift again.

A warmth fills your chest and sinks you into such a relaxed state as Momo crawls over top of you, finding her place by your side and cuddling into you. Her arm around your torso and her nose buried into your neck.

“I love you, y/n. I’m sorry if I’ve been absent these past few days…I just wanted to surprise you.” A hint of sadness in her tone takes you a little off guard. She would never intentionally make you feel ignored or unimportant.

“I love you too, honey. I was grateful for that surprise. Please do that whenever you want!” Reassuring her that everything was just fine and you two were perfect, as usual.

You feel her smiling into your skin before she pecks your neck softly a few times before snuggling into you further. Her deep even breaths followed shortly as she lulled into a peaceful sleep, with you not too far behind.

[shotmrmiller]

Imagine Simon forgets the used condom in his pocket and the reader finds it. They think it’s some kind of trophy for him (he’s nasty like that) and he doesn’t understand why they’re mad at him suddenly

oh ho ho double the ante and now he's pulling out a torn bit of rubber from your cunt while he fingers you and now he's mad.

so angry actually it's hate sex now but still has to throw in a jab or two in there like does he fuck you like i do and you're just like ?? whomst?? where am i? cuz your brain is scrambled and he isn't stopping til you know your place which is beneath him and not someone else

[phalangemedes]

CAMPAL LIT ANAL 🔥🔥🔥

To start off with, a personalised character debrief, of sorts, so the nonsense I'm about to spout stems from my known perception of them rather than just inherent batshit:

PALAMEDES SEXTUS: Tall ergo mouse faced man with the jokes and no brain shut off button. Burdened with gifted kid ego AND gifted kid guilt. Disabled even for a necromancer (not genetic turbo cancer for the nuke blast creation of thanergy but allergies, aerospace thick specs, lingering hint of the 'tism (social cues whomst, Mr that evil nun who thinks I'm a murderer is now my BEST FRIEND. Decided he was going to marry a girl because he liked that she was puzzley. His life partner is low emotive and he's never noticed.) (RE:marry Dulci the man is a glutton for a hyperfixation. 12 years and he's like 'we'll be married, Cam's my best man, I love them')). Bred for necromantic psychometry and groomed for Wardenhood (I used "groomed" because he was a literal child when they lauded his intellect as sufficient enough to egregiously test him to see if he was worthy of the title of Master Warden (spoilers, a 13 year old is a tiny baby child, no matter how cute, clever OR smug they are) This neatly slots into the "gifted kid" issues in that his parents ALLOWED this to happen, nay, encouraged it as an accolade. So I wouldn't say he was actively abused, but neither was he "cared" for, which is prime reason as to why he latched onto the only emotionally available peer AND was self sacrificial to a scary fault (re: ka-boom)

CAMILLA HECT: Tall TANK with too much inside to contain without fidget. Burdened with an inferiority complex 20 miles wide and a dunces hat of imposter syndrome. (Some of this is that The Sixth don't really respect swordhands, some of it is that in the capacity they DO respect it, she isn't ranked the most highly (RE: Not an Alexandrite. I assume Epeids? Cause she will class herself as competent and I think the Sixth aren’t stupid enough to put her in the spec ed class once she’s a Cav Prime.) Low EXTERNAL emotion, high energy, Palamedes is patently the words and she's happy with that. (As we go through HtN and NtN it reads more and more like alexithymia, more so when she just finally bursts the fuck into tears). Focuses a little too hard on being "useful", to the point and beyond of harm/self harm. Treats loyalty in a similar manner. A 0% or 100% kinda bitch. Close with her sister, but NOT her fathers, which is an interesting one because we have minimal backstory on that one, but it very much READ as a "forbidden" thing to be with Palamedes not just in the act of lyctorhood ascension but a 'They never understood' way. So her choosing to be Cavalier Primary was her choice AGAINST the wishes of other, societally and inter-familially.

ADDENDUM to Cam: She is a Carer, not in a motherly carer role, a Carer with a capital C. She cares for those with disadvantages in a MANNER I have witnessed IN the caring profession. This is MOST notable in the dynamics with Nona but she does the same with Pal. Where Pyrrha gives Nona fun dad treatment, with no less care, and Palamedes is the voice of gentle reason, consent and options, Cam is loving enforcement and active encouragement. It’s a theme. I’d like it highlit to those of you that have never had one or interacted in what is a COMPLICATED dynamic, a Carer is not a SERVITOR, they are a companion, they see you at your weakest and tackle ills with compassion. Is it a CHOSEN role.

Likewise Cam being raised female and not necromantically inclined (on planet eugenics and Your Eggs Are So Useful To Us BabyGirl) has just had humility beaten into her, but there are various places (Dr Sex coming to mind the most vividly, Pal trusting her with reconstruction of his skeleton, him trusting her opinion on things HE is looking at necromantically) where she is AS bright as him, but is not afforded the same societal perks as him as a necro.

tl;dr

Golden boy brain box who is struggling to live up to it, doing anything to be Good Enough. Held together by Cam's trust in him.

Black sheep who is struggling to perceive herself as worthy, doing anything to be Good Enough. Held together by Pal's faith in her.

Cool, we got it? ONWARD.

GENDER; PERCEPTIONS AND CHANGES:

Pre-Canaan through Canaan:

Palamedes Sextus, Master Warden of The Sixth House is a seeker of knowledge, his pronouns are forgot/to/eat (j/k.) I don't think he perceives himself as much of anything, until he's forced to. He is a man as The Master Warden and for Dulcinea, but I wonder how much of that is the "breeding program" ethos of the Sixth and how much of that is his OWN perception of himself because he's not a TRADITIONAL feeling man, even compared to other men in the canon. When I joke he's a he/him lesbian it's because he FEELS, not female, but feminine. In how he interacts with space and people, with the touchy-feeliness, with the way he expresses himself vociferous and poetically. 'Male' to him seems to be a mantle he wears above the neutrality of who he is and the femininity of his affections.

Camilla Hect, Hand of the Library, is a swordswoman and a cavalier and a hand. Cam is beautifully ungendered, but not in the same way as Palamedes is more of a... I feel like she'd be shocked to be told there's a binary? Just generally. She's practical, but butch, she's just Camilla. A she/her in the same way as a ship or a car. Not like a mother but like a deity -- and THAT is from Palamedes' perception of her. If he's a good boy, she's the Goddess he lays his altar out for. She’s not a ‘woman’ for anyone, not her house, not him. I think that’s important.

New-Rho:

I know there're alotta trans allegories here, but I'm gunna be a party pooper and say this is QUEER but not trans, not because it doesn't follow the path but because I don't think there is a Tomb binary to start with. There's a fluidity and flux IRL doesn't have (because people like their lil ticky boxes). And Pal doesn't feel different IN Cam, he feels the same. More him. He's more outwardly affectionate, he's more fussy and stroppy. He's him but Settled. I think he likes being whatever he is as Camilla. I think because he always liked Cam more.

Cam remains Cam. And I am delighted with this because Palamedes' influence within AND without is the same? I fucking love this woman, she popped out the womb like this and she's just keeping on trucking. Someone thinks she's a sex worker? Unfussed. Someone thinks she's fucking Crown? Mild distaste but that's more on the fact Corona is a biiitch. Dual daddying with Pyrrha? It's a TITLE, Cam seems to like titles. Maybe that's what it is, Camilla's self expression is a list of titles given to her by those who love her. The only one she’s picked for herself is Cavalier.

PAUL:

LEAST they/them they/them in the world. OBSESSED with them, they have the feminine energy that Palamedes carries but in Cam's body?? But the siege weapon threat of Cam?? Obsessed to get to know them more. I sense I shall kiss them on the mouth.

THEM AS CHARACTER ARCHETYPES VS "PEOPLE":

I think in part some of the issue with Palamedes and Camilla is how, on the whole, they seem to have been type cast as Male Boss and Female Minion. Because a tall dude with some authority and a quiet woman are put together and people get weird about that. (Even IRL. ‘Which one of you’s the fork?’ well firstly, she’s the knife, SECONDLY… that’s my tall glass of baby girl that speaks in a countertenor)

And this is a two fold issue:

THE FIRST: The Necromancer and Cavalier dynamic as portrayed by Muir.

It's seen as crass to dick down your cavalier (From Abigail and Magnus, through to Judith and Marta with canonical romantic refusal and LATTERLY Judith's SECONDARY canonical refusal of Coronabeth. Interestingly I don't see much shit about Isaac and Jeannemary but that's another hillock to rot on.).

But that doesn't seem to be the main issue WITHIN FANDOM or (more) people would be coming for Abigail and her lovely ottery meat shield.

Or Griddlehark.

Harrow and Gideon are lauded as the greatest romance of all time and the power dynamic there is TRULY whack. (affectionate)

Heir to the throne and indentured slave?

Necromancer made of a bajillion babies and a Base Level Not-Even-Squaddie.

Abuser and abused.

FORCED cavalier and necro?

Witness and sacrifice.

Even if you view them as a complicated sister dynamic... there are ABUNDANT issues there and a staggering co-dependancy that plays out in a sapphic lobotomy. So we have a base line of what, in the Nine Houses, classifies as a Fuckin' Ride Or Die of a relationship.

(this is without the fact that the NORM is for a baby to be specifically born for a Necromancer. Either RE:The manyfold uncles or like Babs being chosen as a zygote. Which do I have to explain how eugenics and baby-promises are worse than two people choosing each other or NAH?)

THE SECOND: People see a man and a woman and they give them preordained gender roles, which they then do some A/B/O level gymnastics to make them negatively fit into the necro and cav dynamic. It's funny because they're grey librarians who look like librarians. They look similar, they act similar but for some reason the fact Cam has tits gets some WILD hottakes.

(My favourite (said with spite and loathing) was someone asking if Cam fancied Harrow because she let Nona touch her… I.. I just??? She was letting Nona express herself in a safe way, Nona, who is a VULNERABLE ADULT with sensory issues. (yes this was reddit how did you guess))

Which.. is peculiar when you think of how we meet them, in an investigative role where they are immediately, companionably mocking each other? Where, out the gate, Cam lunges to protect Pal and as quickly as that happens he calls her back to protect her?

The Cavalier is there to protect the Necromancer. And yet he is IMMEDIATELY portrayed as a shield.

There's also an inherent, and non-canonically spoken of trust about what Pal EXPECTS of Camilla. It starts off with her with the rapier and how although adept with it, it is not her main skillset. And it's played against the bum rush way Gideon had to give in the two hander, but it's also, OBVIOUSLY, something Camilla has done forever and a day. So their roles are already non-traditional, with the basics of 'your cavalier should be your sword' cause girly pop let his barn door have two because she patently WANTED THEM.

Likewise, when hoorah boot clack salute, stick up her arse, repressed lesbo challenges them for their keys Cam is hot to go, but she waits for him to catch up. And he was erring on denial, he was erring on losing KNOWLEDGE, which is his main gain from any situation, to make sure she didn't get injured. But he puts her in that fight for HER HONOUR first, not his, not the Sixth's, Camilla Hect.

When she's injured, other than a brief moment of being a catty princess to Jody and Marta who lol DESERVED, he CHECKS Cam. He's frightened, he's fretting, he just wants her to not have been stabbed quite a lot, and PATENTLY blames himself. He is a PHYSIOLOGICALLY ADEPT necromancer and he FEARS for her injury, because of the pain not the complications of healing. It's an obvious show of how he perceives her as an extension of himself but NOT a tool.

Likewise, the only thing Pal ever did wrong and honestly, Dulci you aquatic-bint your way out of that river and give him a SLAP, was that he left her when he went to nuke Cytherea. He did it as a kindness, he didn't want her to see, he THOUGHT he did the right thing. And he didn't, and there wasn't a right thing, but oh my god dude.

He acted like a cavalier to guarantee her safety.

And I see a lot of 'oh well he did it cause he was upset about Dulci' like?? Cytherea SPOKE to them about the Avulsion trial. He had to look "Dulcinea" in the eye when she asked him to siphon Cam. Do you not think he wasn't already turbo pissed off? Hurt? Upset? Do you not think he was already mourning her, that he chose Cam over her, because he said “no”?

Which is a good segue into 'Paul is problematic'. First up, buckle up my darling little babies, spiritual cannibalism isn't exactly a fuckin' jolly holly time anyway, cause it was made by a man with the moral compass of a rabid wolverine and tits covered in biscuit crumbs.

At no point does Palamedes not feel dreadful for squatting inside Camilla. He is the (un)embodiment of a nervous friend sitting on a mostly full sofa trying to make himself as small as possible and wincing whenever he accidentally touches someone. He is there ONLY because it's what she wanted. And we know that because they discuss it, PRIVATELY, and it overheard by Nona. He also offers Cam the choice, they keep going as they are, or they do something else. But it is together, whatever they do is together. And she chooses to not suffer alone. And that some a y'all shit on that is a choice.

Harrow TBI's herself to not lose Gideon, but when two people enter into togetherness with consent it's a no?? They had a big ol’ adult chat (or 50 off screen, who knows, babygirl can’t shut up so I imagine it was more) and there’s booing and hissing.

Wah wah they're co-dependent it's not healthy, SURE, but it’s extreme circumstances, it's grimdark space heresy. Cam is a victim of torture, starvation and other such New Rho hells. Palamedes was in the purgatory of river isolation post suicide and his only hope of survival was Cam. They are the reason the other kept going. Paul is them keeping going, Paul is their promise to the other that it'll be okay, because they're there. Yes, they're co-dependent but they are each other's reason for being.

Even in the real world, when everything is subterranean, sewer level shit, you are told to find a reason to keep going. It can be a concert in a few months, or your ageing cat, it can be your mother or your tomato plants. And it's not long term, but THEY don't have long term.

And they BOTH chose. Palamedes had no promise of what would happen once he was booted back out of Babs, did he go back in Cam and risk her soul, or did he try another body? Was he already compromised by Tridentarii taint? But he was willing, if it was for her.

Likewise she was at the precipice of a wound that really needed a necromancers attention (look how BoE left Judith, like jesus colostomy christ the woman is a menace but shoving a carrier bag in her then blood letting her to refuel your stolen tesla is rough guys). It needed HER necromancers attention. And that wasn't happening. And she couldn't take not having him any more.

And they didn't go into it blind, The Sixth as a house patently had more knowledge on the melange of souls than most (via all the secrecy that was shared with BoE etcetc), and Pal had just learnt more, first hand, shoved up inside Naberius feeling their edges bleed together. And they had felt what it was to be Them before. They BOTH experienced that, like, blood-sweat and worried daddy lap aside, they both knew it would hurt her, and I have no doubt it cut Palamedes up, but it ate some of him too. 'Oh it hurt her more' my DUDE the man was already bone dust and fuck all else all that COULD be hurt WAS hurt.

THIRDLY (I realise there was not initially three points but there sure fucking is now LESSGO):

SACRIFICE. I've seen it said, repeatedly, they have an uneven power dynamic because Cam 'sacrifices' herself for him.

WELL. Let's break that down with a direct comparison.

Gideon Nav, a woman who had never been loved, but had sometimes been useful, sacrificed herself for a chance to die with the knowledge of being wanted. She knew and wanted to be eaten, absorbed, nothing more than her sword. This was seen as a rejection by Harrow for reasons even GIDEON was aware of, poor kid.

Harrowhark Nonagesimus, woman who, understandably, thinks she's cursed as all fuck, refused to take the sacrifice of Another Body and in the process made Gideon think she was being rejected. I think she is less aware, but not totally unaware. And it was in desperation. And she is so young, they both are, they were scared and staring at a bone wall or forever death.

But my point is their togetherness, no matter how complete, was born of VIOLENCE and the eradication of one of them, the violence of need, of desperation to belong, to not be torn from the one consistent point in their lives : each other.

Camilla Hect saw the buckshot shrapnel of her life partner embedded in Canaan's masonry (this is an actual sacrifice, he sacrificed himself for her safety) and chose to take the red string of fate and GANK IT until she got Palamedes back. Because they had a (theoretically possible) predetermined get-out-of-jail-free plan for if something took him first. They planned to never be apart, this was one plan of many.

And Palamedes Sextus, for his part, did everything he could to keep them safe, keep her safe, to make sure, even in the end, they would be together in the safest, sanest way possible. He dredged her from death both times they were shot, he sewed her back together from within the cage of her body. He resurrected them. He was a god FOR them, so they could stay them.

Was it actually safe and sane? Compared to gutty stabs and being consumed by a IANTHE, honestly, yeah.

Was it ideal? No, but it was better than death.

They lived, together. Discussed it, chose it.

If Palamedes is Decisive Consent and Camilla is Patient Protection, Paul is a Conversation with a lil line of kisses at the bottom. They're not made from love, they're made from necessity, but they are born BECAUSE of love, gentility. The difference between rabid hunger after suffering food scarcity and spending 14 hours cooking a meal for someone you love. They are both acts of consumption, but the tone is so vastly different.

✨anyway yeah hi I fucking love Cam and Pal and this is the hill I've chosen to climb and repeatedly die on✨

(I'd like to postface this with I love ALL these characters, I slag them off with the love of literary analysis, and none of them ever did anything wrong they are my tiny angel baby war crimes whom i wub them a normal amount.

...And I'm not getting the books out to quote shit so you're gunna have to embrace the Vibes.<3)

(shout out to @grievingbovine this is (partially) their fault *heart hands*)

[halfbaked00q]

niches that I love and think could always do with more cakes in: James Bond × disability exploration.

like, the man has been through a LOT of shit and absolutely used his body hard. doesn't even have to be major major (although Vita Mortis, flotsam, jetsam you will always be famous to me). stuff like chronic pain, for example - he's got that fucked up shoulder after all [guess I went ahead and jumped the gun again]; traumatic brain injury [five years isn't so long]; some of the more, like, cognitive consequences of the ol' drill-in-brain [In good times and bad times -- love this one a LOT]; face blindness, even, like they teased in Spectre [somehow, I think there are actually more fics where *Q* has prosopagnosia than Bond lmao, despite Bond being the one to get ye old drill-to-brain supposedly to give him prosopagnosia. but we do have a tidbit of it in A Vein of Gold, and I always keep remembering Upon Remembering as a prosopagnosia fic but I guess it's not? But I feel like it's plausible for it to be- like, yes supposedly Blofeld tried to induce prosopagnosia w drill-in-brain but I still hold that brains don't just WORK like that, and also brains are amazing things with amazing abilities to adapt and compensate. maybe during the initial phases of injury and healing he does have issues with faces. but with recovery I do think it's plausible the brain could find ways to compensate and he'd regain the ability to recognize faces etc]

I also appreciate the fics that aren't specifically about this but do touch on JB × the constant struggle with bodily entropy [off the top of my head, The MI6 Tourist Guide to Vauxhall whomst I love muchly for many things but relevantly here has a part where Bond's shoulder gives him trouble and it leads to them going to a sauna lol; and of course the warmth of your doorways with its famous massage scene...]

not to say I don't enjoy the more acute/ contained injury or illness recovery fics, those are nice too. but like... the exploration of the chronic stuff is like, ooooough oh we are adding a layer of complexity to the soup now 👀

[glitter-stained]

"Jason not arguing/compromising in this situation is OOC because his stress response is fight" okay but stress response is context dependent, both environmental context (nature of the threat) and hormonal context (ie amount of cortisol currently in the body at that moment). And also the difference between fawn (aka the response used in negociation) and the other three stress responses (fight flight and freeze) is that fawn is a much higher response that requires higher cognitive function, social cognition etc. (which he has a looot of considering his life story), but also takes more time, so while Jason's immediate bodily reaction could be to gear up for an argument, he also completely has the abilities to evaluate that this is not the best strategy for his goals, especially since, while he is a very emotional character, he does also have impulse control and can be very (very very very) patient with his strategies (that man has some incredible impressive levels of inhibition sometimes, seriously utrh!jason wtf). And also people have the ability to learn, both in terms of complex reasoning, simple pathways and on a biological level, it's also very possible that after being stuck on fight mode for so long and getting hit after hit after hit (being caretaker for his mom and then himself as a little kid in a classist and violent environment, his mom's death, malnutrition, the general stress of being on the streets, M'a gunn, (skipping on Robin because of meta stuff to stick to the things everybody would agree are important stressors), his dad's death, exposed vey closely to sexual violence at 15 (at oldest, not even getting into the csa hc he already has sexual trauma), exposed to direct violent death at 15, being betrayed and sold out (does that count as trafficking?) by his biological mother (whomst he had attached himself to), being beaten + very brutally murdered, digging himself out of his fucking grave, getting hit by a fucking car (talk about overkill) being in the streets catatonic and still fighting, being in the league catatonic and still fighting, waking up to your life having been extraordinarily upheavaled, being told "you remain unavenged" and then pushed off a fucking cliff (even ignoring the brutality of that fucked up kiss because my talia is not a rapist), being sent to teachers and having (from his pov) to kill said teachers, to honestly all of utrh especially the final confrontation ending with a near death experience.... I mean, wouldn't you be tired? Even just cutting it off at utrh, wouldn't you be tired of fight mode? Jason's resilience is incredible, but resilience is neither a personality trait nor an infinity resource, you electrocute a dog often enough and it stops trying to jump out. And do I have to say anything, from a biological pov, psychological pov, from any pov really, about the events of Gotham War and The Man who Stopped Laughing? Because Bruce literally rewrote Jason's dna (which makes no fucking sense but whatever) to modify his stress response, he was quite literally forced on freeze mode, and Joker got him functional by rewriting those extreme amounts of stress as funny. At this point what makes the most sense is for Jason's stress response to be painful, uncontrollable bursts of laughter. I'm sorry if this sounds aggressive, I just really really like talking about psychology applied to character analysis and I'm not trying to be patronizing or anything, I just thought "hey I don't quite agree with that and that's an interesting conversation" and then the brain bees took over

[moxpunk]

i have been good and normal this entire weekend while i went to a 3-day roleplay event where my gobsona was decked out in her cute clown outfit, with only subtle hints to my proclivities as The Lady Whomst Gets Off By Being Pied In The Face so i don't overstep boundaries and otherwise get kicked the fuck outta the venue filled with other artists and roleplayers i respect

but, that event is over and now my three-days-cooked brain is gonna be Good and Normal about pies and cakes and sloppy desserts being applied liberally to my body, head, and hair. it's also my birthday in like 3 days, which means Cake, and Cake means that i get an excuse to plunge my face into a mass of frosting-coated batter-soaked goodness and treat it like it's a three-in-one shampoo/conditioner/face-wash to the point where i don't have to perceive any of the outside world beyond my personal Slop Coating

[these-conquered-woodlands]

the order of the phoenix members & co as incorrect quotes pt 2

(as an anniversary post to one of my favorite incorrect quote collections)

molly: Alright, listen up you little shits. molly: Not you Harry. You’re an angel and we’re thrilled you’re here.

-

tonks: Hey guys, I found a spider. Cool little lad. Thanks for eating the mosquitos. tonks: Oh no, where did it go? mad-eye, standing on a chair: TONKS WHAT THE FUCK?!

-

remus: Snape has only scowled at me three times this week. Our acquaintanceship is really improving.

-

dumbledore: I've been expecting you, harry. harry: How did you do that without turning around? dumbledore: Let's just say the first few people I did that to were not you.

-

kingsley, warning about a death eater coming at tonks: To the left!  tonks: Take it back now y'all!

-

tonks: What happened to your nose? mad-eye: I used it to break someone's fist.

-

snape: You read my diary?

dumbledore: At first I did not know it was your diary. I thought it was a handwritten book about a kind of sad fellow. And then I came to a chapter called 'I hate my fucking bosses,' and thought it sounded a little too familiar.

-

sirius: I apologize for saying 'fuck' during the meeting and horrifying these dear kids. molly: You just said it again. sirius: I am not a role model.

-

tonks: Mad-eye said it's my turn with the brain cell! sirius: Alright, square up-

-

sirius: What do you call a dictionary on drugs? kingsley: "Addict-ionary"? sirius: I was actually going to say "high definition", but your answer's much better. kingsley:…

-

dumbledore: It’s nice to be wanted, you know? minerva: Not by the law!

-

remus, during deathly hallows probably: There’s always that weak little shit in the group who isn’t down with murder. remus: *glares at harry* harry: Well, sorry I have morals!

-

tonks: So if our plan goes poorly, where should we meet up? mad-eye: The afterlife, probably.

-

molly: Where are you going? fred and george: To either get ice cream or commit a felony. We'll decide on the way.

-

tonks: You didn't think maybe we'd need some actual weapons? dumbledore: Knowledge is the best weapon- tonks: I’m pretty sure weapon is the best weapon.

-

*trying to solve some mystery*

ron: I've connected the two dots. hermione: You didn't connect shit. ron: I've connected them.

-

tonks: Who the fuck- kingsley: Language! tonks: Whomst the fuck- kingsley: No.

-

mundungus: I think I mostly want to see what happens when this whole place breaks apart.

-

hermione: Harry says thanks for popping by. He’d love to chat but he's up to his eyes in homework. perhaps if you could come by next week- snape and remus, coming to check on him: He’s climbing out the window isn’t he? hermione:

-

sirius: *closes a cabinet* a crash is heard behind the cabinet door molly: What was that? sirius: sirius: The sound of someone else's problem.

-

*after discussing a plan* dumbledore: Does anyone have any questions? kingsley: Is this legal? dumbledore: Does anyone have any relevant questions?

-

tonks: Hey mad-eye, are you awake? mad-eye: what tonks: Are you awake? mad-eye: Who the fuck do you think just said ‘what’?

-

harry, at the end of order of the phoenix: You guys really put aside everything and came all this way for me? How did you even get here so fast? arthur: Several air traffic violations.  kingsley: Three counts of resisting arrest. mad-eye: Roughly thirteen bottles of firewhiskey (collectively). tonks: *pointing at the knight bus* Also, that's not our bus.

Bonus:

dedalus, hestia, and those other guys in the order who are rarely mentioned in the books watching the main characters' shit go down: -The actual fuck is happening now??

[baby-xemnas]

One thing I enjoy about Law/Bepo is that I constantly see the debate surrounding “Is Law getting it?” Like, is the man so hot and stoic he’s constantly getting ass or is he a creepy workaholic weirdo with terrible social skills who couldn’t possibly get laid? And the LawBepo answer is both. The man fell in love with a mink at 14 and has not looked back. He can hook one guy, specifically a guy who apologizes like it’s second nature and thus needs constant validation and is over obvious with his feelings in a way that’s nye impossible to misinterpret. Man found his wife at 14 while recovering from a depressive spell and thus has never had to exist in the normal dating scene. Could not possibly hit on a woman at a random bar and be successful on anything but his looks but is, in fact, constantly getting laid cause he picked his wife up out of the snow during his preteens. A creepy little weirdo who built his sexuality around a mink and thus would have a terrible time in a regular dating scene, who is dating his co worker and thus can work and fuck at the same time. Man has a partner with a natural predisposition to swimming and would do great on a regular sail ship but instead chose a submarine so his partner can never be more that 100ft away from him. A workaholic creepy little weirdo with negligible social skills who is, in fact, constantly getting laid, it’s the ideal Trafalgar Law.

THIS IS A BEAUTIFUL ASK ANON THANK YOU SO MUCH

Man found his wife at 14 while recovering from a depressive spell and thus has never had to exist in the normal dating scene

put that shit in GRANITE

constantly getting laid cause he picked his wife up out of the snow during his preteens Crying

😭😭😭

so. sooooo true. i love how he is so terrible when people flirt with him - easiest examples are Monet or Robin even if neither was serious about it we digress - he didnt even BOTHER being friendly like yeah yeah whatever whatever shut up bitch - he is such a rudeass, the type of rudeass that only comes with being extremely married. he is NOT interested, he will not lift a finger or bother with a smile

its soooo real how technically he has no game cuz he dont need it - i would argue with lack of social skills - he does have them he just doesnt use them - he can be charming as a person if he wants to (cuz how else do you collect such a big crew)

i dooo LOVE the thought of him being STRANGE AND OFFPUTTING and he is really saved by being a hottie when he is put in a fucking situation. he has to do very little, he is hot, and thats exactly what he does - bare minimum, he is so not invested - because he is thinking about how everyone is inferior to Bepo - also Bepo will be jealous if he finds out...Bepo..

BUILDING HIS SEXUALITY AROUND A MINK - YEEESSS thats my favorite!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its the same with just HAVING always been with Bepo ofc its fucking normal that a guy is a bear, why the fuck not. thats a guy, thats their guy - Law's special guy in particular whomst he treasures...like IMAGINE living with a permanent furry since middle school thats ought to become normal for you in like a few months..and Law seeing him LIKE THAT ruined humans for him fr...whatever...People? who cares. he has such a lovely wonder next to him. going thru puberty while your bestie, most loyal person to you is a furry...permanently altered brain chemistry. literally built different

you are sooooooooooooo right its so true and its the best

i love that Law a sexy guy who is completely off limits and unapproachable on purpose - he has sex life on easy mode because he saved Bepo once and have stayed a prince charming, knight in shining armor for Bepo EVER SINCE. he is always a hero he is always awesome and the best

laughing about a submarine being confined space lmao oh of course...you are trapped in there with him, Bepo (Bepo: yay \o/♥)

AND ANOTHER THING THAT MAKES LAWBEPO GREAT FOR LAWS CHARACTER - being in a long time established relationship - A CHILDHOOD SWEETHEART EVEN - makes him Very Cool. Oh you kept a good relationship for a decade and even developed it into a romantic partnership? Awesome. It makes a man complete dare i say! I love when characters are married as hell, genuinely a massive flex

thank you so much for the ask you are so fucking right im sorry if my reply is too chaotic xoxo thank you for loving lawbepo with me

[steddieas-shegoes]

the freak and the hair and lex

it's time for the weekly fic rec, where i give the top 3 (to me) fics by some of my favorite authors. please always check out their masterlists/works because these authors may have stuff you love even more than what i put here! as always, check tags before reading and leave kudos and comments and reblog whenever possible to support writers!

this week is @thefreakandthehair and let me tell ya, this was one of the hardest weeks to narrow it down to my top 3. i have gone back and forth on lex's works for three days trying to narrow it down (and also realized at some point i missed a few posts so i'm about to do a binge read oops). lex is so talented and does so many things for the fandom, so everyone go celebrate her gifts to us!

lex's tumblr | lex's ao3

rounding third, sliding home Rated E | wip/big bang fic The much anticipated big bang fic is in progress and it's SO GOOD. I don't even like baseball, but Lex is proof that I can and will like any situation these boys are in. Massage therapist Eddie!!! Hello!!! I don't have to go into detail to let you know how that's going. Favorite part: Honestly, since it's a wip, I don't wanna give one yet. But I will say that the overall premise of a massage therapist being able to do what trainers and doctors couldn't makes something really happy in my brain.

ice is made to melt (so is my heart) Rated M | 1,507 words It's hockey. I sniff out hockey fics like a hunting dog. I mean it's literally just hockey fan Eddie and I'm eating it up like I've been starving for years. Favorite part because these are possibly word for word things I have screamed at my television at the Bruins whomst I love with my entire heart but would beat with a hockey stick if given the chance: "Are your blades dipped in fucking butter?” “The puck goes in the net!” "You can't shoot for shit, just like you can't grow a decent mustache, huh?" “Your job is to use your big ass body to stop the teensy tiny puck from getting around you and that’s a Hell of a lot easier if you stay in the fucking crease!” 

Livin' On A Prayer  Rated E | 17,915 words It's the classic idiots in love but don't realize it even though they basically have been boyfriends the entire time trope and I cannot get enough. It's like a slow-fast burn in the sense that they're dumb, but this is still short enough to binge in one relatively quick go. Favorite part which is kinda a spoiler so: “And I know myself well enough to know that I would die before letting anything happen to you, especially after nearly losing you once already, so I felt like being here was safest. And I— I don’t mean the same way that I love the kids or Robin or really anyone else. I’d die for them too but that’s— that’s not my point. I guess what I'm trying to say here is that I know this is one sided or whatever but I just, I’ve been wanting to tell you just to get it out of me because carrying this around alone for months and months has been wrecking me… I think I’m in love with you.”

[joffyworld]

WAAAAAAIT am i to understand my beloved joffy was having a rough day yesterday? WHOMST is responsible for this. they will face my wrath 😤

Nobody thankfully, I just simply woke up in the deepest pits ever yesterday idk what happened. It was like my brain was being smothered by a pillow and my eyes had metal weights on them, just couldn't feel a thing.

BUT NOW????? STILL NOT PERFECT BUT A FUCKING LOT BETTER SO WE CAN BAAL OUT AGAIN AMEN BROTHAS AND SISTAS AND THEYS AND GAYS AND THEMS. WE ARE KIND OF SORT OF BACK BAYBEEEEE

[notadamnmermaid]

I am losing what little mind I have left, my brain has a worm in it and it’s not even one I can find easily it is a GODDAMN PHRASE, not even a full FUCKING QUOTE.

“Bye bye”— Izuku, looking cute possibly dazed, maybe in an office???? TO WHOMST DOES HE SPEAK???? Was it kirideku bakudeku aideku tododeku??????

I have spent the last week searching tags, revisiting old fics once read and long abandoned. I have found wonderful stories I’d forgotten, more that I can’t wait to read but I. Am. HAUNTED. By this mental image of Izuku looking cute possibly dazed saying “bye bye” to a potential romantic interest.

HELP. HOW STOP.

[gorbalsvampire]

11, 19, 21, 24

11. How many characters do you have?

Errrrrrrrrr...

Not counting pure SPCs for chronicles I've run, just "OCs" in the general sense... about fifteen? Riccardo, Luciana, Santino, Alistair, Sorcha (Hecata squad); Lamorne (forbidden blorbo); Penny, Riley (PCs in other people's chronicles); Yaritsa and Myriam (Tzimisce PC and her sire whomst I have queued up); Zhao Wen-Jun and all her associated names (VTMB); and Laetitia, Dorian, Sylvester and Dominique, the core cast of Bloodspell, a game I made and a novella I have as of yet no idea how to plot.

19. Which character is least spoken about? Speak about them now!

I want to talk about my Tzimisce! I've not really had an angle on playing one before, but Blood Sigils dropped and gave me the Koldunic Sorcery angle around the time I actually started paying attention to Animalism and watched The Suicide Squad, wanting to adopt Ratcatcher II.

Put all that together and Yaritsa fell out of the air, fully formed; horrid, sassy little street witch who's bonded with the water and knows exactly what's going on thanks to her army of rats. She doesn't like shoes and she comes with an entourage (armed ghoul squad and her ailing, befuddled mortal dad).

Her sire, Myriam, is a concept I've had kicking around for ages but not found the oomph to use, probably because I was being smooth brained and thinking she had to be a Harbinger. The concept, in two words: Saint Death. Ancilla koldun occupies local Santa Muerte cult: they're her Herd, but they're her Herd and she looks out for them, and she's functionally adopted Yaritsa along with Embracing her. Sometimes a character isn't complete by themselves; they need to be part of someone else's deal.

21. Tremere or Salubri?

God, what a choice. I can only hope this question explodes and kills me.

This is tricky because I don't like either of them strictly according to their presentation. I've used both as SPCs and they've been fairly impactful, but... eh.

I've discoursed at great length about the Tremere thing in the past, bottom line is I like them as medieval alchemists who backdoored their way into vampirism and decided to take over, but I can take or leave their Ars Magicka baggage and Thaumaturgy and all the high level "lore" cruft.

Salubri are similarly eaten by their role in the metaplot and so overdesigned that I have trouble with them existing in any other capacity for several thousand years before the Tremere came along. The original "there are only seven and they all diablerise their sire on Embrace and they're all eighth generation" was the start of all that "vampions" bullshit that I don't really vibe with. The super sekrit Sabbat Salubri popping up in Hong Kong all way of the warrior stylee is more of that Nineties wuxiaboo crap that brought us Kindred of the East. I also don't give a fuck about the Baali and the "revelation" that those are Saulot's fault has no impact for me - OK, whatever, I didn't buy the idea of the vampire messiah anyway, who cares about Antediluvians, we have real problems!

You know what, I've decided. It's Tremere. They're on thin ice - every time a Tremere player whines about losing Thaumaturgy in V5 I reach for my revolver, you still have Rituals, you have to play by the same Discipline rules as everyone else, die mad about it - but I can make them into something I vibe with a lot easier than I can the snowflake sparkledog special clan.

24. Caine or Lilith?

Ahi hai, ahi hai, ahi hai Lilitu...

No contest. The recurring subtext of all my games since 2005 has been "the Bahari are right about everything, and they 'won' Gehenna while the rest of you weren't even sure what's going on." The Mother of Monsters is absolutely the most important figure in the World of Darkness (if she literally exists) and she has the coolest cult by a country mile (even if she doesn't). Lilith, and the Bahari, fuck, and they fuck nasty, up against a tree, rubbed red and raw and bleeding. Don't you wish your spiritual icon was hot like mine?

... that went to a place, didn't it?

[thatmaxcontent]

FnF sona, because I kinda fell in love with the game again :) and I like the funky style and self-inserting

OC/SONA INFO BELOW!! :D [All of this is PURE FANON AND SELF-INSERT, NOTHING TO DO WITH THE CANON!!!]

Maxwell is 18, AFAB Genderfluid with a STRONG male lean, he/him, Panromantic Asexual. He loves Goth, Metal, Pop, Hyperpop and Indie music the most, but overall listens to everything from Pop to Jazz. The hypothetical songs would each be a different style of Metal-inspired music mixed with another genre (in order, Indie/Metal, Pop/Metal, Goth/Metal, Hyperpop/Metal.) I had a hypothetical fifth song named "Godlike", that would've been like Gospel/Metal, but instead of holy Gospel worship it'd just be boss music /hj.

Maxwell has an undying love for all things Alien (particularly the emoji), and his male identity doesn't stop him from expressing himself however he wants. He's chubby and thick, usually covering up with styled baggy clothes.

He's good friends with BF and GF (also acquainted with Pico and his buds), the blue-haired peeps met three years ago when they were at a burger truck and there was only one burger left. Pico, who was BF'S, well, boyfriend back then kind of stood back facepalming as BF and Maxwell started rap battling for a burger. It devolved to them beep bopping one anothers spines so hard they fell to the ground bleeding and they watched as a little girl hopped over and bought the burger, feeding it to a nearby duck who morphed into a muscle duck after they ate the burger. The muscle duck and little girl took flight together while Maxwell, BF and Pico all looked at the scene. Pico was confused, meanwhile the blue duo were crying over the steroid burger.

Eventually the two got up and the trio made their way to a bench, where BF and Maxwell already forgot what happened and they shook hands only to bump their heads together thanks to being so dizzy from blood loss. Pico laughed at them and then lost his shit as they actually fainted and almost bled to death on the ground. When they woke up five minutes later they had a rap battle, exchanged numbers and waved each other goodbye for now. Pico had to carry boyfriend to his shitty ass apartment, meanwhile Maxwell crawled to his like an overgrown spider with scoliosis.

They met up every now and then, though they mostly ran into one another. Whenever they hung out, up until Pico and BF broke up, they'd do dumb shit that only amplified if Darnell and Nene pushed their asses along no matter how much Pico tried to beat the shit out of them not to come. Darnell taught Maxwell to spray-paint in exchange of Maxwell teaching him to do art with a pencil, because conveniently they had no fucking idea how to do what the other was a master at. Nene and Maxwell VERY OFTEN overshared on girl body problems and made the others throw up their tacos on the park grass.

When Pico and BF broke up Maxwell gave them both some space, and overall the hangouts pretty much disappeared. Some time after Maxwell hit BF up again, and they went ahead to get milkshakes or some shit when BF shared some tea.

"BEP BOP BOP"

"Bitch, no way, got your eye on someone new?? WHOMST, I MUST KNOW!"

"Bap BI BOP bop BAAAAP"

"DUDE, THAT IS SO COOL!!! Hold on how the fuck did you score a demon?"

"Bapip boop bi bap ba bop op boop"

"You're right, less questioning, MORE CELEBRATING, HELL YEAH HOMIE!!!"

From there Maxwell got to know GF, and also the extent of BF's and GF's dumbass energy (then again, he himself isn't much better). He still kept in contact with Pico and the gang, but overall he just vibes.

Maxwell is an enjoyer of singing/rapping, but he works as a baker part-time. He lives in a shitty apartment of his own, and hyperfixates an unhealthy amount on his own fantastical projects. They make his brains mush and make him go bepeboop.

I love him very dearly :)