#brain i promise you we thought about this enough over covid. just call yourself a guy we don't have time for it rn
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otter-byte · 3 months ago
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Been growing my hair out and whenever I have to tie it back for work I need to mentally project this tweet into my mind to prevent The Thoughts Vortex
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ginwalt · 4 years ago
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kiss my bruises better (Natasha x Wanda x Fem!Reader)
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Summary: When Reader gets injured during a battle, it is up to her girlfriends Natasha and Wanda to mother hen her back to health.
Warnings: Violence and mentions of injuries in the beginning. Other than that just pure fluff.
A/N: Guess who got COVID and now has way too much free time??? :,)
It started with Fury sending you on an undercover mission alongside Natasha, Wanda, and Steve. Your objective was simple: obtain the dangerous alien artifact from the terrorist organization's lair and get your asses it back to Avenger's Tower. Nothing you and the rest had not dealt with before. However, there was one thing you four did not anticipate. There were hundreds of the organization's agents crawling around the base. Every corner they snuck around, there was another group of grunts patrolling. As a field scout, you were used to sneaking around; however, this was on another level. By the time Steve signaled for you to return to the meeting spot over the comms, you had already been spotted.
The group of half a dozen agents took one look at you before charging forward with their alien weaponry. One of them, a burly man in an all-black armored jumpsuit, hit a large button on a security panel near the ventilation shaft you had shimmied out from minutes prior. Being a scout, you were only equipped with the bare minimum of weapons a dagger, semi-lethal taser, and a small crossbow. In other words: not weapons one would use in a 1-versus-6 fight. Letting out a grunt of frustration as a loud alarm started to blare, you shouted a warning to Cap and your girlfriends' over the comms.
You leaped backward, away from a meaty fist that had just threatened to shatter your jaw into splinters. Flicking open the holster that held your taser, you slammed the muzzle of the taser gun into the side of the man's head and released the probes. The man convulsed, falling to the tile with a heavy thud. Another agent, a towering woman, let out a shout of outrage in a language you assumed to be Russian. She and the four other remaining against charged at you, weapons at the ready. You stumbled blindly backward, hoping to reach a staircase, window, elevator, anything. Unfortunately, luck was not on your side that day. Your back collided violently with the paneled wall behind you.
A curse that could make a sailor blush fell from your lips as you palmed around frantically for your dagger. The blue and black blade was an anniversary gift courtesy of Natasha, an odd gift to be sure; however, it was about as romantic as the assassin got. Grasping it firmly in your sweaty grip, you blindly swung at one of the grunts before you. The pommel collided with his nose in an upward arch, causing the man to fall to the ground, blood dripping from his now crooked nose. Apparently, the swing was hard enough for his nasal bone to fracture into his brain.
You took a step to sprint through the opening the dead man had cleared for you but, the burly woman seemed to beat you to the punch. She grabbed violently at your arm, twisting it at an odd angle behind your back. You slammed face-first into the wall behind you, causing your nose and lip to start leaking blood at an alarming pace. You groaned and squirmed, trying to free yourself from her iron fists.
"Stop struggling, bitch," she ordered, slamming your head against the solid paneling of the wall once more. Pain blossomed along the crown of your skull, and your vision started to blur in response. "Who sent you," she snarled against your ear.
You spat out the pool of blood that had collected in your mouth at another agent's feet, "Fuck you," you snarled, your voice muffled from being shoved against the wall.
The agent you had spat at raked the brass knuckles clenched on his fingers along your arm. Deep cuts spilled over with even more crimson. You let out a strangled scream as he twisted them further into the new cuts. The woman kneed her leg against your arm with a sickening pop. Your vision danced with black and white dots as pain shot through your body. You were about to scream when a loud bang sounded from behind the woman and her cronies. She let you go in shock, causing you to fall to the ground next to the dead agent. You moaned in pain, curling your now broken arm against your chest.
"Y/n!" A familiar voice shouted from the other end of the hall. It sounded fuzzy as if someone had shoved headphones over your ears. You gritted your teeth and forced your increasingly heavy head to look at the source of the noise. Through the dots dancing in your blurring vision, you were able to make out a furious Wanda, next to her an equally angry Natasha. You opened your mouth to reply when only a pained wheeze escaped. A boot was pressing against your back, applying pressure to your fractured forearm. You let out a scream of agony as tears spilled down your face. Before your consciousness gave way, you beheld Wanda exploding in a bright ball of scarlet towards you and the agents.
"...turn the TV down, you're going to wake her." You slowly came back to yourself at the sound of voices around you. Your mind was swimming in fuzzy warmth, a dull ache exploding in through your temples like a timpani. Despite the pain that seemed to radiate through every inch of your body, you were also strangely cozy. A soft warmth was wrapped around you like a cocoon, not to mention the pillow that seemed to meld with your head and abdomen. You hummed contently and nuzzled further into the cushion.
"Are you sure she's okay?" A concerned voice rang from directly above you. The voice was warm and familiar, like a well-worn sweater. "She's been knocked out for almost four hours. Plus, my legs are starting to go numb."
An amused huff sounded from behind you, "Banner said the painkillers would make her drowsy."
"Yeah, but... four hours? What if something is wrong with her?"
"You know Y/n, she does things on her own terms. She will only wake up when it suits her." Both the voices laughed at that remark. You fought the urge to huff in protest; you weren't that stubborn. The pillow beneath you shook with the light laughter and shifted. You furrowed your brows; cushions didn't usually chuckle. You grumbled at the disturbance and cracked your eyes open. Your so-called pillow had caramel red hair and a black Def Leppard t-shirt.
"Wanda?" you mumbled drowsily. You lifted your head slowly from the place it was resting against her chest. Your face flushed slightly at the thought of using her breasts as a pillow for so long.
She smiled warmly and lifted an arm that had been resting protectively along your back to stroke your hair. Her other hand had been tracing circles along your side for the past few minutes. "Good afternoon, sleeping beauty."
"Where are we?" You attempted to look around; however, your head exploded with pain at the effort. Wanda seemed to notice your wince because she carefully guided your head to lay against her chest once more.
"We are back at the tower. You slept the entire flight home," Natasha, who must be on the other side of the couch, replied.
You groaned, "Everything hurts."
"Being jumped by a group of terrorist agents will do that to you," the assassin replied sarcastically. You kicked lightly at the girl, your foot nudging her thigh. She laughed snarkily and shoved lightly at your foot.
"Nat, stop teasing her," Wanda chided playfully, threading her fingers through your hair. You practically purred at the attention, nuzzling your face against her. She pressed a soft kiss to your aching temple in response.
"Why am I getting lectured?" Natasha protested in mock indignation.
"Because you are not the one hopped up on painkillers."
"But I am the one who detained the agent that had broken her arm. Surely that deserves some credit."
Your eyes shot open once more at the mention of the mission, "Shit, the terrorists. What happened to them? Is everyone okay?" You jolted up, attempting to sit up fully. Natasha was at your side in an instant, hand resting on your shoulder.
"Hey, hey, calm down. We're fine; we handled them," she soothed, rubbing your back gently. "Everyone's safe, I promise."
You relaxed slightly, "And the artifact?" the hesitance was evident in your voice.
Natasha sighed kissed your cheek in reassurance, "We were not able to save you and obtain the alien artifact. They were on high alert at that point, and it was too risky."
You pursed your lips, shoulders drooping in shame. They had failed because of you. Dangerous technology continued to threaten the world because you were unable to do your job.
Wanda must have read your mind because she pulled you closer to her and placed a kiss on top of your head. "Hey, this isn't your fault. None of us knew that the compound would be so well protected."
You shrugged, looking down at your hands. Your right arm, the one the woman broke, was wrapped in a thick plaster cast the color of a hospital gown. Your other arm was dressed in a thick layer of bandages, covering the jagged cuts left by the bronze knuckles.
"Honey, there was no way we could have known," Wanda murmured, using a finger to lift your chin. "If anything, it's our fault for not being there in time. If something were to happen to you, I don't know what I would do." She placed a protective arm around your back as if she was shielding you from an invisible threat.
"You did very well defending her," Natasha soothed, kissing Wanda's cheek. She turned to you with a smirk, "You should have seen her; I thought she was going to send the whole building crashing down with how angry she was."
You smiled, "I'm sure you two did great, as always."
"She's right though, this wasn't your fault, nor was it a significant loss. Rogers is already with Stark and Banner at the location of the artifact. They plan on regrouping back here before following through with the next phase of the plan."
You sighed in relief, "That's good. So when do we go through with the next step?"
Wanda scrunched her nose and smiled, "It's adorable that you think you are going to be anywhere near the next phase of the plan."
"You can't be serious. I'm perfectly fine!" You insisted. Natasha raised her brow and pressed a finger against the bandages on your left arm. You winced and let out a quiet yelp before batting her hand away. "Okay, I may be a bit injured, but other than that, I'm okay to fight."
"Y/n, you have a minor concussion, a broken arm, and a broken nose," Wanda pointed out, her accent thick with concern.
"Nothing I hadn't had before," you shrugged.
"Y/n don't start," Natasha warned, standing from her place at your side. She strode out of your line of view.
"Where are you going?" You whined, not wanting her to leave.
"I'm just getting you water, Babe. Don't worry, I will be right back." You nodded, settling back against your other girlfriend. Wanda reached over you to pull the blankets further up your body. You hummed contently and sighed against her chest. Wanda was always warm; her skin seemed to radiate a cozy heat that filled you with a sense of peace. Her protective arms were coiled firmly around your waist.
"How are you doing, Honey?" Wanda asked, nuzzling against the top of your head.
"Tired," you complained, hiding your face away in the crook of her neck.
"I think I should talk to Bruce before allowing him to hop my girlfriend up on painkillers. He gave you a pretty high dose." Wanda tilted her head so that her cheek was resting against your hair. Her hair had a lingering smell of citrus and lavender that set off the butterflies in your stomach. You hummed and inhaled once more. Wanda chuckled, her smirk evident in her voice, "Are you smelling my hair?"
You paused, "...No."
The witch's shoulders shook with laughter, jostling you slightly. "You know I can read minds, right? I know you're lying."
You huffed and burrowed your face further into her neck, "Asshole."
She kissed the top of your head, "Love you too."
"I'm back," Natasha announced, striding towards the couch.
You turned away from Wanda's neck so that your back was against her front. The assassin sat down on the coffee table next to you, holding a glass of water. You licked your chapped lips and reached out to take the drink. Natasha raised a brow and pulled the cup further away from you. A frown formed on your lips, realizing what she wanted. "Oh, come on, Nat. I don't need help drinking water," You rolled your eyes.
Natasha tsked, "I'm not risking it, you may still be a bit sluggish from the meds, and I don't want you spilling all over yourself and Wanda," She tucked a strand of hair from your forehead. "Come on, Baby. Let us take care of you."
Biting your lip, you nodded exasperatedly, "Fine." Natasha carefully placed the lip of the glass near your mouth and tipped a bit of water out. This went on until only a quarter of the glass was left. You had not realized how thirsty you were until you saw the glass of water. "Thank you," your eyelids drooped, feeling tired once more.
"You should rest some more," Wanda murmured.
"But, I just woke up," you argued, words slurred with sleep.
"And if you ever want to go on another mission again, you will take the time to rest and recover," Natasha insisted, tucking the blanket around your body. She settled at your feet, pulling them into her lap. You opened your mouth to argue; however, Wanda had started stroking your hair once more. The words were lost in your throat as your eyes slipped shut. The warmth from both your girlfriend and the blanket seemed to wash over you in waves. The last thing you felt was a soft hand tracing patterns along your arm.
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asthmark · 5 years ago
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❝ 10 things i know about you ❞ l.jn
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synopsis → there are ten important things you learn about lee jeno during your time in quarantine.
request → “if you're still accepting requests, can u make a domestic roommate!jeno? 🥺🥺 thank you and have a nice dayyy”
word count → 7.1k (bruhhh)
sharing an apartment with lee jeno isn’t ideal.
it’s not that he’s a lousy roommate or that you disliked him in any way; you just didn’t know him. you had first met through a mutual friend. they knew jeno was looking for someone to split rent with and that you happened to need a place to stay. they promised you he would give you privacy and assured jeno you were excellent roommate material. with that, arrangements were made and soon enough you moved in together. of course, it was a bit awkward at first but you two eventually got used to each other’s presence. although you were never in the same room for too long and oftentimes went days without speaking, you coexisted.
for a long time, you only knew a couple things about your roommate. for example, you were aware of his strong love for cats, especially his pet calico, seol. you also knew he kept the freezer stocked with pizza rolls that he would use as energy when he stayed up all night playing video games.
what you didn’t know, however, was that you would be spending the next couple months locked in your apartment with him. on top of that, you would begin to learn more things about him—his life, his personality, his feelings.
there are ten important things you learn about lee jeno during your time in quarantine.
       1. he’s a heavy sleeper.
at 10:28 in the morning you find yourself seated at the dining table in the kitchen, spooning froot loops into your mouth. as you stuff your face, you scroll through your phone for entertainment. you decide to open instagram first but you quickly find that to be a mistake. as soon as you open the app a picture of lucas and who you thought was his ex-girlfriend greets you. if that was bad, the caption hits you like a ton of bricks.
@lucas_xx444: should have never left you
in only five words, lucas has completely erased the months you spent dating. it meant nothing to him. sure, things hadn’t ended things the best way but going right back to his toxic ex and even admitting to missing her—now that was a new low. was this his way of getting back at you? his way of making you hurt just like he had throughout your entire relationship? the thought alone leaves you feeling sick.
you decide you’ve already had enough social media for one morning so you decide to check your messages instead. your friends usually left a couple of them overnight. to your surprise, you find that your main group chat has accumulated 241 messages.
[10:48 am] you: good morning i see u guys have been vry chatty
[10:49 am] yeji: ur finally awake!
[10:50 am] yuna: we thought u died lol
[10:50 am] lia: YUNA
[10:50 am] lia: NO
[10:51 am] ryujin: the timing for that joke could not be worse
[10:52 am] yuna: humor is my coping mechanism leave me alone
[10:52 am] you: ??? what happened
[10:53 am] chaeryeong: we left msgs for a reason dummy read them!!
[10:53 am] you: umm there’s over 200 and im not abouta read all that
[10:54 am] yuna: well then lemme break it down
[10:54 am] yuna: the world is ending :)
[10:55 am] you: welp it was about time
[10:55 am] lia: why r u guys like this
[10:56 am] yeji: there’s been a covid-19 outbreak and it’s spreading like wildfire so the government issued a stay at home order :/
[10:57 am] you: omg WHAT
[10:57 am] ryujin: ikr it’s crazy we literally can’t go anywhere
[10:57 am] chaeryeong: and we can’t get boba today either ;( i was so looking forward to that
[10:58 am] ryujin: let’s pls take a moment of silence for all the current and future boba dates that will have to be cancelled
[10:59 am] yuna: no way am i gonna let some wannabe flu make me go boba-less i’m still going out >:(
[10:59 am] lia: ...ur joking right
[10:59 am] yeji: what color casket do u want yuna?
before the groupchat can distract you any further, you place your phone down on the table. you sit back in your chair and let the newly revealed information sink in.
you were stuck inside.
you sigh before standing to clean your dishes. as you’re scrubbing away at your bowl, you feel something brush against your leg. you smile, not even having to look down to know it was seol. the cat would often wander into your room or sleep next to you when you watched tv on the couch. in fact, you were pretty sure you spent more time with seol than his owner.
you gaze at jeno’s room. as always, the door is shut. you wonder if you should let him know what was happening. you two usually kept your distance but you figured that the circumstance you found yourself in was an exception. you quickly dry your hand and shuffle towards his room.
you knock once, quite softly. you assume he’s asleep so you try again, this time a little harder. still, no avail. the third time you put even more force into it. by this time, seol has found his way beside you and claws at the door.
“jeno?” you knock a fourth time. “jeno! lee jeno!”
after more shouting accompanied by incessant meowing, you hear some muffled movement. moments later the door knob twists open and there stands your roommate with disheveled hair and a robe that had obviously just been thrown on his body. seol has taken the open crack in the door as an invitation inside the bedroom.
jeno blinks a couple times as he watches the feline get himself comfortable on his bed. he turns back to you, looking slightly disoriented. you’re not sure if he’s half asleep or your sudden presence has thrown him for a loop. his voice comes out raspy when he asks, “was he, um, bothering you or something?”
you shake your head, vigorously. “that’s not why i came. it’s just that my friends told me that there’s been some kind of virus outbreak and we’re supposed to stay home. so, i thought i’d let you know.”
his face softens. “oh, cool.” suddenly, the look changes. “not the virus thing! that’s totally not cool. i meant, it’s cool that you let me know and stuff. you just saved me a huge freak out so, uh, thank you.”
you smile and nod. “no problem.”
jeno’s eyes linger as you retreat back into your room down the hall. the sound of his door shutting is heard only once you’re out of his eyesight.
   2.    he can cook better than you.
most of the time, you would go out to eat dinner with your friends in the evenings or at least stop by a drive thru. obviously, this was no longer possible in the midst of a pandemic. you found that to be incredibly frustrating as you sat on your bed, stomach empty. no matter how badly you wished to fix it, your laziness had gotten the best of you. apart from that, you already knew how unlucky you were when it came to cooking—the memory of burning noodles at lia’s house one night had been permanently seared into your brain.
you almost believe your mind is playing tricks on you when you catch a whiff of pasta in the air. for a moment you think it’s your next door neighbor, taeyong, cooking again. you knew he was quite the chef. but, the smell is getting stronger by the second and you decide it must be in your apartment.
you wander into the kitchen, only to find jeno standing over the stove. he’s stirring red sauce in a pot when he notices you watching him.
“oh, hey,” he greets with a polite wave.
you can only stare at the rest of the kitchen—pots, pans, and ingredients all over the place—in utter awe.
he chuckles, awkwardly. “yeah, sorry about the mess. i’ve been told i’m a decent cook but i can never seem to get the tidiness down.”  
“no, it’s not that. this just all seems so... professional.” you sniff the air once more. “smells amazing, too.”
he smiles, sheepishly. “thanks. are you a fan of spaghetti?”
you nod.
“good. i wanted to make something you’d like.”
“you really didn’t have to,” you say, leaning against the fridge. “i mean, i’ve never done anything for you.”
he uncovers a pot to check on the pasta. you watch as hot steam rises out of it. “what about this morning?”
you can’t help but laugh. “that most certainly does not count. you’re making an entire meal. that takes a lot of effort.”
he waves a hand, dismissively. “i used to cook a lot with my old roommate, doyoung. the guy was an asian gordon ramsey, i swear. so, yeah, this is nothing too crazy. and i really do enjoy it.”
“well, i’m still gonna repay you.” you fold your arms.
he looks away from his dish to raise a brow. “is that so?”
you nod in confirmation. “definitely.”
“tell you what, if you wash the mountain of dishes that are gonna be left over, we’ll be even.”
you stare at the sink that’s already overflowing with dirty kitchen tools. that wasn’t even half of it. “uh, sure, sounds good.”
he laughs at hearing the uncertainty in your voice. “that’s the spirit.”
   3.    he’s allergic to cats.
the familiar sound of soft purring is what pulls you attention away from the movie playing on your laptop. already knowing exactly who it is, you launch yourself off your bed to allow your furry guest inside.  
“hey seol. what’ve you been up to?”
the calico meows, almost as if he were responding to your question. you close your door and go back to your original position. you notice seol sitting directly in front of your bed, looking up at you with wide eyes.
“come on up.” you pat your sheets, invitingly.
he obeys and stretches before laying down beside you.
“have you ever watched ‘avengers’?” you ask, eyes going back to the explosive fight scene on the screen.
this time, seol doesn’t even bother humoring you with a meow. he stays silent with his head tucked into his paws.
you scratch his head and his tail wiggles. “i’ve gotta stop asking you questions.”
both you and seol’s heads snap towards the door when you hear a knock.
“come in!” you call out.  
jeno swings open the door. his eyes briefly scan the room before landing on the furball on your bed. the unmistakable look of adoration shines in his eyes when he sees how lovingly you caress him.
“seol! what are you doing in here? bothering y/n?” the cat jumps off your bed and towards his owner standing in your doorway. jeno scoops him into his arms and faces you. “i’m so sorry. he saw me running a bath for him and bolted.”
“it’s all good. he’s a great movie buddy. besides, i could always use the company.”
jeno curiously glances at your computer screen. “is that ‘avengers’?”
“yep. i’ve seen it like a dozen times.”
“same here.“ he pauses. “hey, if you ever need a movie buddy—like you know, one that talks—just let me know.”
your face lights up. “i’m gonna hold you to that.”
”i hope so. well, if you’ll excuse me, i’ve gotta give this guy a bath.”
seol yowls as if he understands the meaning behind the words and attempts to escape jeno’s grip.    
“here we go again,” he mumbles under his breath.
you snicker at the sight. “looks like you could use some help.”
“oh, no. it’s fine. he can just be a little bratty someti—seol!”
in the blink of an eye, the feline has successfully hopped out of his arms and made a run for it.
jeno gives you an exasperated look before rushing off to catch his runway pet. you find yourself caught up in the excitement so you follow him, the two of you now in pursuit of the calico. you’re sure the image of you both chasing the fluffy animal around the apartment looks like something straight out of a comedy. even you and jeno can’t contain your laughter when he finally catches seol only for him to slip out of his hold a second later. this exact situation repeats itself a couple times before you finally get lucky.
“i got him!” you screech. “jeno! oh my god! what do i do?”
“bathroom, bathroom, bathroom!” he chants in response.
you head in that direction with jeno trailing behind you, ready to catch seol if he somehow manages to get out of your death grip. you bend over the bathtub, slowly lowering the cat into the water. it’s clear he doesn’t have a problem with making a fuss as he wails and flails his limbs around.
after a while, he finally calms down enough that you can lather him in shampoo. jeno insists on scrubbing him, arguing that you had already done way too much. you sit back on your heels, observing the way the seol leans into his delicate touches.
“looks like he likes it now.”
“he likes to make a big deal but he ends up enjoying it every—“ jeno cuts himself off with a sneeze.
“tissue?” you offer.
he shakes his head. “that’s okay, thanks. i’m used to it. i’m just surprised my allergies haven’t acted up ‘til now.”
“allergies?” you echo.
“yeah, i’m allergic to—“ another sneeze. “cats.”
your eyes widen. “really? and you still have seol?”
“i could never get rid of him. he’s too good of a boy. isn’t—“ sneeze. “that right?” he tickles seol under his chin.
“wow. you must really love him.”
“so much.”
“he’s lucky to have you.”
“what about you? you get both of us. doesn’t that make you the luckiest?”
you snort. “i guess it does.”
   4.    he makes a good shopping buddy.
“i have officially cooked everything we have.”
“i can order some takeout, if you want?”
he juts his lower lip out and gives you puppy eyes. “but i like to cook for you.”
you laugh at his expression. “oh god, you look like that one pouty emoji people use when they try to be cute.”
he sits up. “did it work?”
you nod and pinch his cheek.
he yelps. “ah, stop! you’re acting like my grandma!” he manages to get out of your grasp. he rubs his face, soothing the spots you had squeezed. “seriously, though, we really do need to stock up on food.”
“i’ve already been looking into it.” you show him the screen of your phone. “says here you can still go shopping as long as you wear a mask and try to stay six feet away from other shoppers.”
he cringes. “i don’t know if i like the idea of being so close to so many people.”
“i can go by myself, then,” you suggest with a shrug.
he doesn’t hesitate to deny you. “no way are you going alone.” his possessive tone has you staring at him curiously so he adds, “you know, in case you can’t reach something on the top shelf.”
the teasing comment paired with his innocent smile makes you gasp in disbelief. “lee jeno! that’s low! and to think i almost thought you were worried about me.”
“who said i wasn’t?” he smiles at you again before standing up. “i’m going to find us some masks and then we can head out.”  
once you arrive at your local grocery store, you find it to be packed. everyone seems to be in a hurry, grabbing things left and right.
“wow, it’s already gotten crazy,” jeno mumbles, stopping to stare at the flood of people that rush by.
you don’t hesitate to scold him. “well, don’t just stand there! we gotta get our stuff before there’s nothing left!”
without another word you slip into the frenzy of people. jeno struggles to stay behind you. after almost losing sight of you a couple times, he walks a little faster to catch up and places his arm firmly around your waist once he does. you look up at him, your mask covering your slightly agape mouth.
being the gentleman he is, he apologizes. “sorry but i don’t want us to get separated.”
you can only nod and mumble, “good idea.”
jeno pushes the shopping cart with his right hand and holds your figure with his left. once in a while, you’ll break apart from each other to grab an item you need but once it’s in the cart, he’ll make sure you end up in the same position. after an hour or so, you’ve grabbed enough and you decide it’s time to pay.
despite the mask she has on, you can tell the middle-aged woman behind the cash register has a big smile on her face once she catches sight of you and your roommate.
“well, just look at you two.” she sighs. “how cute.”
“oh.” you glance at her then jeno then her again. “oh, no. it’s not like that.”
you attempt to move yourself away from jeno only to find his grip to be so incredibly strong that you almost begin to think he’s trying to hold you in place. once you finally detach yourself from him, you begin loading your groceries onto the counter for the employee to scan. she does so, but not before giving you a displeased look.  
“oh really? he holds you like that because you aren’t together?”
jeno assists her in placing the scanned items in bags. “i didn’t want to lose her.”
she pauses scanning a can of tuna to stare him down. “darling, that sounds like a line from a cheesy hallmark rom-com.”
you can’t help but chuckle. “what he means is that there’s a lot of people here and we didn’t want to get separated.”
jeno adds, “desperate times calls for desperate measures.”
the woman adjusts her glasses. “well, you do certainly seem desperate to have her close to you.”
jeno doesn’t say a word as he continues bagging but his smile reaches his eyes.
   5.    he works out.
why did the pandemic have to hit in the middle of summer?
you often asked yourself this, complaining about how inconvenient it was. especially on the days that made your apartment feel like it was on fire. the days that required a thin tank top and shorts. even then, you found yourself to be drenched in sweat.
you sprawled your arms and legs farther on the sofa, the leather material proving to be very uncomfortable. it was either that or your bed with the warm cotton sheets that stuck to your body. just thinking about it brings you discomfort. the only relief you could think of was a cold shower. you would have already taken one if jeno hadn’t been hogging the one bathroom in the apartment.
“jeno!” you yell.
silence; other than the sound of the water running.
“lee jeno!”
the water stops, temporarily for him to shout back an answer. “what?!”
you wipe at the sweat that has accumulated on the bridge of your nose. “hurry up! i’m melting!”
the water starts back up again and you groan. hoping to distract yourself, you pull out your phone. the group chat with your friends is surprisingly silent so you go to instagram for some entertainment. this time, your ex-boyfriend’s post isn’t the first thing you see. it takes you some scrolling but you do end up seeing another one of his pictures.
it’s simply two intertwined hands with a black and white filter. you identify the one on the left as his and although you aren’t as familiar with the one on the right, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out who it belongs to. contrary to the last, this photo has no cheesy words for a caption, just a red heart.  
but, your stomach doesn’t drop. you don’t feel hurt, either. obviously, you still don’t enjoy seeing him just because of all the awful memories that came with it but other than that, you feel unaffected by the image.
in fact, you feel so confident in yourself that you block him.
you’re surprised you hadn’t done it sooner. you had known you didn’t need him in your life any longer so why keep in contact? you feel like a huge weight has been lifted off your shoulders when you press the red button that would keep him and his girlfriend out of your life. you knew with your whole heart that you didn’t need to see either of them.
before, a bit if you had felt the need to keep an eye on him. to see how he was handling the breakup and torture yourself with the fact that he didn’t seem to care. now, you could say you truly didn’t either. you didn’t need him or his stupid pictures. you had other, better things.
your friends.
your cat (yes, you considered seol to be yours).
your roommate.
you had to admit, jeno was the best thing on that list. quarantine had brought you and him significantly closer and you were over the moon about it. he was so wonderful that you kicked yourself for having lived with him for so long without ever really getting to know him. but it was easy to say you two were making up for lost time seeing as you spent every waking moment together. the record long showers jeno took being an exception, of course.
the moment the door to the bathroom opens, you rush into your room and quickly grab an oversized t-shirt and loose pajama pants to change into after your shower. you nearly drop them when you’re met with jeno’s soaking figure in the hallway.
his hair is damp and you can clearly see how long it had become. his skin looks healthy and moisturized, lotion among other skin care products had probably been applied. what really has you in a shock is the fact that the towel barely hangs below his waist. the droplets of water that fall from his hair and down his neck trail down his chest and toned torso towards the only area he has bothered to cover up. his bulky arms are also slightly wet, his veins popping noticeably. he shakes his head in an attempt to rid his hair of any water. then he runs his fingers through it, his muscles flexing ever so slightly as he does so.
“dude!” you exclaim, without a second thought. “you’re ripped!”
he smiles, his round cheeks growing at the unexpected praise. the way he could have such a rugged body but soft-featured face puzzled you to no extent. “thank you. i lift sometimes.”
“sometimes?” you repeat. “don’t be so humble! you’re basically hercules!”
he clicks his tongue. “ah, c’mon. i’m just an athletic person.”
you keep admiring his physique. “clearly.”
“oh god,” he groans, obviously flustered. “you’re looking at me like you’re gonna eat me or something.”
you hold yourself back from making a less than appropriate innuendo. “no comment.”
his eyebrows shoot up in disbelief. “quarantine is really making you go crazy.”
you point a finger at him. “you try being stuck inside with your hot roommate!”
“trust me, y/n, i know all about hot roommates.”
you tilt your head, acting purposefully oblivious. “are you talking about doyoung?”
“what? no i—“ he sighs. “you know what, just take your shower.”
   6.    you can’t say no to him.
jeno ruffles his black locks with his hand and frowns.
you give him a disappointed look. “knock it off, you’re gonna get dandruff in your soup.”
he ignores your comment. “i look like a hobo.”
you pause, spoon halfway to your mouth. “this i know.”
“y/n, this is serious!”
“okay, okay. what’s the issue?”
“i already told you! i’m a bum!”
“you? a bum?” you pause to think about it. “i mean, mentally? maybe. but physically? no.”
“my hair, though. it’s so long.” he grabs a strand of it and pulls it to emphasize his point.
you shrug. “if having lots of hair is the standard for being a bum, i think most of the population is.”
“i want to cut it,” he announces.
“you should,” you say, pointing your spoon at him. “wanna know why? because if you mess up, no one will ever know. other than me, of course. but if you pay me enough i’ll let you forget it.”
he smiles at the joke for a moment before he leans forward and his face goes serious. “will you help me?”
“what? no way. i’ll mess up. and it’s only funny if you do it.”
he pouts. “please?”
you stir your soup around. “just watch some youtube videos. after three, you’re automatically a professional.”
“i want you.”
the statement has your neck snapping up from your bowl to him. the smug grin on his face lets you know that he was well aware of the double meaning behind his words. it was clear he was trying to fluster you enough to get a yes.
“you think you’re flirty enough to straight up brainwash me into doing stuff?”
“well, i wanted to say that to you anyway but... kind of?”
you feel a smile creep onto your lips at hearing the genuine tone in his voice. you down your last few spoonfuls of soup and quickly stand up. jeno looks up at you, eyes hopeful.
“finish your dinner. get the scissors. meet me in the bathroom.”
not even ten minutes later, jeno practically dances into the bathroom, a pair of red craft scissors in his hand. he sits on top of the toilet lid, figuring that’d be the easiest way for you to reach him. you walk in moments later.
“i’m pretty sure we’re not supposed to be using these types of scissors for hair,” he mumbles as he hands you the sharp utensil.
you twirl them in your hand. “oh, definitely not. do you want to wait then?”
he shakes his head, his shaggy bangs swaying with the movement.  
“alright, let’s get this going then.” you thread your hands through his thick locks to collect some of it in between two of your fingers. you bring the scissors forward and snip the small amount just to test the waters.
you slowly begin to get more comfortable and once you feel like you’re in your element, things begin to speed up. you move and cut faster but with efficiency. you do the spots on the back of his head and work your way forward. when it finally comes time to touch up his bangs, your small bathroom proves to be an inadequate spot to be doing this.
you end up standing balanced inches above jeno’s thighs that he’s pressed together tightly in an attempt to give you more room. you’re constantly readjusting your stance and when he notices, his hands go to your hips. you know he’s just trying to help you stay upright so you do a decent job but you still inhale sharply at the feeling of his hands on you.
not long after, you’re standing next to jeno as he inspects himself in the mirror. his fingers flick his newly shortened bangs around.
“not bad.” he tilts his head in a new angle and nods. “looks super good to me.”
you tuck the scissors into your back pocket with a relieved sigh. “oh thank god. i didn’t want to tell you before we started but i only watched two youtube tutorials on trimming hair.”
he runs a hand through his hair with a chuckle. “now that’s truly worthy of praise. and a tip.”
you raise a brow. “oh yeah? what’s th—“
he cuts you off by pressing a chaste kiss to your forehead. he pulls back and drags his thumb over the skin that has come into contact with his lips. “thanks again.” with that, he leaves you standing in the bathroom, eyes wide and face warm.
   7.    he has six best friends.
“can i borrow your laptop?” asks jeno, from outside your door, nearly breathless.
you look up from your book. “uh yeah, sure.”
he rushes in your room and takes the item off of your dresser. “do you happen to have zoom on it?”
you shake your head and he groans. without another word, he disappears, running off into the living room. you hear his frustrated sighs as the minutes pass and he attempts to download the application. you finally decide to go check it out once it becomes too much to bear.
“it sounds like you’re in pain over here,” you comment.
he runs a hand through his hair. “i’m supposed to meet with my friends through a zoom call but it’s so complicated.”
you put a hand on your hip. “bet you five bucks i’ll be able to get it in five minutes.”
“are you kidding? i might be technologically challenged but i’m not stupid. i know you can do it fast, just help me out already, would you?”
“alright, grandpa.”
you type and click away at the screen, jeno watching you do so, entranced but equally as lost.
“well, i was wrong,” you say after a couple moments, leaning back in your chair.
“you couldn’t get it?” asks jeno, worriedly.
“no, it’s not that.” you click something on the screen and the app opens. “turns out i could do it in three.”
he rolls his eyes and shoos you out of the chair. he sits down and enters the code and password for the zoom meeting. it takes a minute, but he finally connects. you count six other people in the call. they all immediately cheer at seeing jeno and you hear them excitedly exclaim his name.
“hey guys,” he says, a smile already reaching his eyes. “it’s so good to see your faces.”
they all nod to agree. you get a good look at each one of them and realize they’re all boys. your eyes read over each of their display names.
mark me in ur heart
hyuckie~~~
moomin enthusiast
nananananana
chnele
lil huddy
“nice name, jeno,” ‘moomin enthusiast’ guy comments, snickering slightly. “glad to see you finally came to terms with it.”
‘jenojam’, his name reads. the rest of the group laughs, also teasing him about it. you assume it’s some kind of inside joke.
the self proclaimed ‘lil huddy’ furrows his eyebrows. “wait, did you choose that name yourself?”
jeno simply nods in response.
he glares into the camera. “donghyuck, you told me i had to put this as my name or else it wouldn’t let me connect!”
donghyuck—or ‘hyuckie~~~’, you presume—shrugs. “oops. guess i was wrong.”
you laugh at the humorous exchange. it seems like the sound has drawn some attention to you when ‘nananananana’ speaks up, eyes trained on you.
“um jeno? don’t you want to introduce your guest?”
jeno beams, dragging you closer into the frame. “i’m sure you all know about my roommate. say hi, y/n.” 
you do so, waving and smiling politely at the group.
“you know, even though we used to always hang at jeno’s, i don’t think we’ve ever actually seen your face,” ‘chnele’ says, tilting his head.
you agree. “me neither. i’ve mostly just heard you guys.”
the ‘mark me in your heart’ boy sheepishly rubs his neck. “sorry. we tend to be a little loud.”
‘chnele’ lets out a high pitched screech of a laugh. “only a little?”
“i recognize that laugh!” you blurt. “i would hear it all the time!”
”that’s our little dolphin,” coos ‘hyuckie~~~’.
“oh god, stop. i hate that stupid nickname.”
“it’s well deserved.”
“i think you should apologize to y/n for being a nightmare to her eardrums.”
“and ours, for that matter.”
“what about all your little freestyles? i’ve had to sit through hundreds of them and i never got an apology!”
“because they’re not bad! could you do any better?”
“you’re a soundcloud rapper, i think anyone could.”
jeno turns to you as the bickering on screen gets louder and louder. “this is gonna be a long call.”
once the group has moved on from roasting the life out of each other, you’re able to engage in some good-natured conversation. jeno teaches you the names and the other basics about the group. some points that stand out about the group is that mark is the oldest, renjun specializes in contemporary dance, jaemin inhales six cups of coffee on the daily, and chenle is insanely rich.
“what about jeno?” you ask them. “anything i should know about him?”
“he’s allergic to cats but the idiot still adopted—“
“she already knows about that, renjun,” jeno chuckles.
“oh. well. that’s pretty much the only interesting thing about him.”
jisung pipes up. “oh wait! he works out religiously too!”
you and jeno share a look. you burst into laughter and he simply glances away, slightly embarrassed. “oh yeah, i know that all too well.”
“and what about the unhealthy cooking obsession?”
you nod at mark’s question. “that too. he cooks dinner almost every night around here.”
renjun purses his lips. “he already cooks for you? wow. he must really like you.”
“you think?” jaemin asks. “didn’t you read any of the messages in the group chat? he’s practically in love with her. his words, not mi—“
“okay! i think it’s time for us to go! bye guys!” jeno doesn’t even give you a chance to say your own goodbye before he’s clicking the ‘end call’ button in the bottom right corner.
you give him a confused look. “what was that all about?”
“they’re crazy.” he laughs. “well, if you need me i’ll be in my room screaming into my pillow for the next couple hours.” he dashes off leaving you standing alone, trying to comprehend what had happened.
   8.    he‘s a great listener.
jeno has officially replaced seol as your movie buddy, not that you have a problem with it. you thought it was nice to have someone you could actually converse with but of course, you make sure seol still sits in.
“what i’m saying is that iron man just wants to protect his team.”
“well, if they sign the accords, they basically surrender themselves to the government.”
“and?”
“you don’t see a problem with that? see, captain america knows what he’s doing. he’s literally an avenger—“
“so is iron man!”
“let me finish! so, he’s an avenger, right? he has the best judgment because he’s saved the world countless times. he knows how to operate his team and do the right thing.”
“okay but there’s casualties. and that’s what iron man is trying to fix.”
“how do you save the world and not have casualties?”
“you just—“ your phone rings mid argument and you raise your finger towards jeno. “this isn’t over.” you put the phone to your ear, not bothering to check the caller id. “hello?”
“sweetheart?”
you feel a chill go up your spine. was it him? no, it couldn’t be. you had blocked his number shortly after you did so on all your social media.
“baby, don’t be so shy. i know you’re there.”
you can’t hold back. “please don’t call me that.”
he chuckles, breathlessly. “oh, c’mon. you used to love it. you still do.”
“no, i don’t. actually, i don’t want to hear your stupid pet names or stupid voice or see any of your stupid posts. just go bother your girlfriend and leave me alone.”
you notice jeno perk up beside you out of the corner of your eye. he must have been caught off guard by your irritated tone.
as always, lucas is unaffected by you. “i’m being nice and giving you a second chance. i even called you behind soyeon’s back.”
“is that something i’m supposed to reward you for?” you scoff. “congratulations, you’re now awful, toxic, and a cheater.”
he growls. the sound was familiar. in your relationship, if you heard it you knew he was going to snap at you until he had the satisfaction of making you cry. “i know you miss me so don’t say things you’re going to regret later. because even when you’re back in my arms, i won’t let you forget it.”
the thought of being back with him made you feel icky. but the fact that he sincerely thought you would crawl back to him set your entire body on fire. “are you joking? i was always aware of the fact that you treated me like the dirt you walked on but do you seriously think that lowly of me?”
you’re rendered speechless and apparently, so is he because the other line stays silent.
“i wouldn’t go back to you if you were the last person on earth,” you spit. “you treated me horribly, wong yukhei. i won’t ever forget it. move on. i have.”
you glance at jeno, his expression more serious than you’ve ever seen it. his eyebrows are furrowed and his eyes are trained on your cellphone. the glare he gives the device is so strong you wouldn’t be surprised if even lucas could feel it, wherever he was.
you hang up and block the number, wishing to never talk to him again. you toss your phone onto the sofa with an exasperated sigh. you find jeno’s gaze to still be focused intensely on it.  
“if you gave lucas that look, i’m pretty sure he’d cry.”
he breaks his concentration, eyes going to you instead. his entire face softens. “all i’m going to say is he better pray we never cross paths.”
“well, if you happen to, call me up. i wouldn’t mind helping you beat the crap out of him.”
jeno chuckles for a second then lowers his voice to a whisper. “he was really bad to you, huh?”
you nod. “he messed me up. i hate to admit it ‘cause i know i was stupid to stay with him for as long as i did.”
your roommate shakes his head. “don’t say that. it’s not your fault he messed up the best thing that would ever happen to him.”
“i thought i was the problem for so long, jeno. i was so blinded by love. then, i realized there was no way he truly cared for me when he treated me like i had no heart to be broken.”
jeno scoots towards you and rubs soothing circles into your arm. “you have such a big heart. and i can’t tell you how sorry i am that he took advantage of that. i’m sorry that you were stuck with someone so insecure and ignorant. please, don’t think about him anymore.”
you hold in your tears. you refused to cry over someone like lucas. “i know. i try so hard not to.”
jeno holds your head into his chest. his arms are placed securely on your back. “oh, baby.”
when jeno uses this pet name on you, it feels so completely different from lucas. you could tell me meant it. he wasn’t using it to make you stay a little longer, to assure you he loved you. strangely enough, you do not need to be convinced of that. you feel like you have known it for a long time.  
   9.    he likes to be the big spoon.
you’re not sure how he’s done it but you end up falling asleep in jeno’s arms. you assume it had been so long since you had been cradled and rocked so delicately that the foreign yet extremely delightful sensation knocked you right out. even seol is deep in sleep, laying down peacefully at your feet.  
you relish in the feeling of jeno pressed right into your back. he fits so perfectly against you that it reminds you of a puzzle piece. to be exact, the moment when you connect the last two pieces and the full picture becomes complete. that was how you felt—complete.
with jeno’s soft breaths tickling the back of your neck and his soft snores filling your ear, you know there’s nowhere else you’d rather be. his arm that is wrapped around you makes sure you can’t escape his embrace. you are positive that even if you had the liberty of doing so, you would stay exactly where you were.
you lean farther back into your pillow, closing your eyes. you let every thought fade away as you try to fall back asleep as soon as possible. you wanted the moment you found yourself in to last as long as possible.
   10.    he has feelings for you.
jeno mumbles sweet nothings into your ear as he toys with your hair.
it just seemed right to him. like something he was meant to do with you. he had seen these types of things in films and shows before. it was intimate and touching, the scenes were always meant to tug at the audience’s heart strings and show how in love the two characters were. perhaps, even though you lay asleep in his arms, he wants you to finally know.
“honestly, being inside with you all the time is kind of the best. i know the whole virus situation is less than ideal but being able to spend so much time with you... that’s all i could ask for.” he pauses. “isn’t it so crazy how before this we were all weird and awkward around each other? well, i guess we still kind of are. that’s mostly my fault so... sorry. i just don’t know how to act around you sometimes. we’re barely getting close and i’m already this attached to you. as jisung would so kindly say, ‘i’m simping’.” he chuckles to himself. “all jokes aside, i really do like you. ever since you moved in here all cute and nervous, you’ve taken your own little place in my heart, as cheesy as it sounds. and these past few weeks, you just keep on taking up more and more room in there. not that i have a problem with it. i just...” he stops as if he doesn’t know how else to express his feelings. “really, really like you.”
“thanks.”
you feel him jolt then abruptly stop stroking your hair. there’s silence until he asks, “you don’t happen to be a sleep talker, do you?”
you shake your head.
“and did you hear like, a lot of what i said?”
“only the important stuff. like how awkward you are and how much you like me.”
“o-oh.”
“but don’t worry. it’s mutual.”
you feel his relieved breath hit the skin of your neck. “that’s the best thing i’ve heard all day.”
you tilt your head back and stare at him, confused. “what, did you seriously think i wasn’t into you?”
he shrugs. “i was too busy simping, i guess.”
you can’t contain your laughter at the use of the slang. “park jisung would not be proud.”   
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bangfantanfic · 4 years ago
Text
Our Own World: Chapter 4
Warnings: Mentions of anxiety, restrictions/COVID
Type: Hybrid/Yandere/Romance/Fluff/Angst
Authors Note: Hey~ again, so sorry I took so longI apologise! I hope you guys enjoy. As usual, I’d you’d like to be tagged for future updates, DM or comment 🥰
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“As cases continue to rise officials have announced as of 12am tonight a nationwide lockdown will be enforced.” 
Six pairs of eyes were glued to the large screen, most of them worried-- yours however only showed off pure irritation. 
“-- in order to minimise rising case numbers President Moon announced a country wide travel ban. Non Korean residents will have paid flights back to their home country, Korean residents outside the country will not be let back in until further notice--” 
Your stomach plummeted. You're stuck here for as long as your brother is stuck in the Netherlands.. 
“Y/N?” 
You could hear the men around you calling out to you, but it sounded muffled, like your head was under water. 
The five men around you were panicking at your frozen state, you were like a statue-- even Jeongguk was unable to hide his worry.
Taehyung was sitting by your feet whining, his arms wrapped around his own torso. He had tried to hug your legs, wanting to provide some comfort to your shaking form but Namjoon had nudged him away, sending a warning look before crouching by your side and trying to pull your attention back. 
“Y/N, you need to breathe--relax.” He cooed, his hands balled into fists on his thighs. It was taking all his energy to not reach out and touch you, to hold you and promise everything was okay. “Jay will be fine, he’s safe with Mila.” 
Unfortunately, the boy's sweet attempts to console you only made you feel worse. They didn’t know you were panicking about being here longer. They thought you were worried for your brother's safety. 
But you were only worried about your own.
“Y/N, do you think I could come to the store with you?” Seokjin’s voice asked shyly, his hands tightly gripping one another. “I just thought since I know the boys well— and my ah, physical differences are easier to hide—“  
You raised an eyebrow, smirking at the babbling hybrid. You had grown much more confident with the polar bear hybrid, and even a few of the others thanks to being locked in 24/7. You had still yet to meet Hoseok and Yoongi, and Jeongguk was more than happy to keep as much distance from you as humanly possible, but otherwise, you were somewhat comfortable in your surroundings for once. 
The few occasions you were able to leave the house was to get groceries and other essentials, but otherwise being caught out of the house without solid reasoning would land you a hefty fine and you weren’t exactly financially stable enough to pay thousands of dollars. 
Your brother had been in contact with you, making sure the boys were all doing fine and that you were coping with the news and long term adjustment. He had been supplying you money, and you weren’t sure where he was getting it from. His clinic had been shut since he left the country so it wasn’t from there, but you were too deep in your self pity to question it.  
“Sure, I don’t see why no—“ 
“No fair. If Jin Hyung can go out I wanna too!” Taehyung whined, appearing from thin air. His dark hair hung over his eyes, still dripping from his shower. 
“Your tail is too noticeable.” Jin shrugged, wrapping a long arm over your tiny shoulders. 
The brunette glared at the blond, stomping over to pull you away. Lightly grabbing the pocket of your white hoodie and tugging you into his chest. You wriggled, trying to pull out of his grip but it only seemed to make it tighten. 
“You’re always selfish with her!” The younger complained, resting his chin on the crown of your head.
A dramatic groan came from behind you as Jin, no doubtedly, rolled his eyes at the monkey's words. “I can’t help it if I’m her favourite.” 
Taehyung stiffened. You could feel him grinding his teeth, the sound of his teeth dragging made you feel nauseous. 
“She doesn’t have favourites.” Namjoon cut in, carefully pulling you out of the monkey's arms and wrapping his own around your shoulder. “And Jin Hyung is right, your tail is too noticeable.” 
Taehyung’s wide eyes narrowed, his arms crossed over his chest. “You’re the only one who can’t keep it still!” He argued. 
Namjoon’s face flushed pink, his jaw jutting out. It was true. Like animals, hybrids often displayed their emotions and moods through tail movements, and while the others had passed with flying colours in emotional control, Namjoon had always struggled. 
“Be that as it may, we can’t risk it. Hyung will go with Y/N and help pick out foods best suited to each of us.” He said sternly, sounding confident despite the pink tinge to his round cheeks. 
You smiled apologetically at the monkey hybrid. He was clearly biting his tongue, arms tightly crossed and eyes squinting. 
“Fine. But when you get back Y/Nie is playing with me.” 
Grocery shopping had always been easy. You only had yourself to think of, but now you had seven others depending on you. You weren’t sure about allergies, or even just what everyone liked and disliked. 
You still needed to get around to those files… 
Thankfully your brother had left behind a card for shopping, knowing your pathetic bank account would ever be able to handle more than one shop. 
With Seokjin leaning on the handles of the shopping cart he directed you where to go, what to grab all while letting you browse and pick out your own snacks. 
“Yoongi and Hobi will be joining us tonight, I’ll need to get more meat. Yoongi practically inhales it.” The hybrid sighed, voicing his thoughts aloud. 
You glanced over your shoulder, smiling softly at the sight of Seokjin. He was dressed comfortably, washed out blue jeans, a white sweater and a red cap. Round glasses sat on the bridge of his nose as he read over packaging, his plump lips pouting as he considered every item. 
“Do you think we could get lamb, Y/N?” He piqued up, dropping three packets of snacks into the cart before waddling to catch up to you. 
“I don’t see why not, it’s my brothers card after all.” You shrugged, grinning. You held back a laugh as his cheeks turned pink, attempting to hide the bright colour he rushed forward to avoid your gaze. 
You had noticed the boys were all easily flustered, you found it funny. Sometimes Jimin or Jin tried to say something flirty, and when you countered back the two turned red and made excuses to run away. Sometimes you just had to talk to them and their faces would turn redder than an apple. 
Taehyung was a little more difficult, most of the time he was rather clueless with what he said, or at least that’s how he played it off to be. 
Namjoon just didn’t try. He just preferred to leave cute gifts for you on your bed; Flowers he had grown that were in season, fruits and clumsily made origami. 
Jeongguk completely avoided you, and Taehyung the little asshole, made sure to tell you the youngest hybrid liked you, telling you how the youngest was always staring at you or asking his brothers about what you were doing. 
“The look that the cashier gave you was so rude!” Seokjin huffed, closing the passenger door. 
You rolled your eyes, starting the car. You didn’t blame the poor girl, you had bought so much food it caused a huge back up, the line running down the isles . You couldn’t even look at the cashier, too embarrassed. 
The car ride was pretty quiet, the only sounds were Seokjin humming along to the radio and the crinkling from the candy packet. He seemed to be deep in thought, and as much as you wanted to ask what was on his mind you forced your mouth to stay shut. 
Sure, you were somewhat comfortable around him and you assumed he was comfortable around you, but you knew that there wasn’t any friendship foundation, you had no right to pick around his brain— no matter how intrigued you were. 
So you stayed silent, while the hybrid beside you happily chewed away at the gummy bears he had begged for. 
As your brother’s neighbourhood approached, Seokjin finally decided to talk. He wriggled around until he was angled enough to look over your smaller body. 
He thought you were pretty. Very pretty.
The way you smelt was enchanting, always leaving him dizzy and fumbling for words, just like now. 
He felt like a fish out of water, his mouth opening and closing, eyebrows pulled together in frustration as he tried to spit out words, any words. Just something so he didn’t look like an idiot for another second. 
“Don’t freak out.” 
When your head shot over, a crack sounding from the joints making him cringe, he wanted to melt into his seat. He felt his neck and cheeks turn red, an awkward laugh forced passed his lips. 
“Sorry— sorry. I just meant, don’t let Yoongi make you feel uncomfortable.” He clarified, mentally kicking his abrupt outburst. When you raised an eyebrow he took it as a signal to continue. 
“Yoongi can be stiff?” He paused, considering his words. “He can be two ways, blunt and sort of arrogant— which he isn’t I promise!” 
“Or, he’s cocky and imposing. He’ll try to push your buttons, find out what makes you uncomfortable or mad.” He explained, clicking his tongue as he thought. “But don’t worry, Hoseok and Namjoon keep him in line.” 
When the car fell silent Seokjin felt his veins turn to ice. The last thing he wanted was for you to be uncomfortable, or scared. He’d leave yoongi out in the cages before he allowed that. 
“I grew up with Jay, I’m immune to annoying boys.” 
The smile on your lips, although forced, relaxed him slightly. You really seemed to be trying, even if it wasn’t for them and more so for your brother, he appreciated it. It made his insides feel like marshmallows. 
He watched your fingers tap on the grip of the steering wheel, your lips sucked in thin between your teeth as you thought. A cute habit of yours Jin had picked up on almost instantly. 
“I’ll be next to you, I won’t leave your side!” He promised, a hand over his heart and the other up in the air. “Scouts honour— and I can say that.” 
The proud grin on his plush lips made you break out into a small smile of your own. 
“And the other boy?” 
Seokjin dropped a red candy into his mouth, chewing twice before speaking. “Hoseok?” He looked to you for confirmation, seeing your curt nod he continued. 
“Hobi is playful, he gets along well with the younger boys. He can be a bit much, he’s loud. But he’s a good guy, you don’t have to worry about him.” 
“Hoseok— oh for Christ’s sake! Get off! All of you out, they’ll be back any minute now!” 
Namjoon’s scolding voice could be heard throughout the entire house, not that it mattered. Everyone was gathered in the one tiny space. 
The tiny office space that had been converted into a makeshift bedroom was bursting at its seams with the six men all huddled in. 
The youngest three, Jeongguk, Taehyung and Jimin had snuck in to play on the PC’s while you were missing. Jimin hadn’t been interested in playing, so instead he took the chance to snoop through your belongings. 
Hoseok, lonely after a week of separation, found his brothers quickly. But his original mission, finding the maknaes, was abandoned the moment your scented room hit his senses. Your perfume and natural musk stuck to everything in the room, almost as if you had lived in the space your whole life. 
It was mouth watering. 
Ignoring Jimin, who watched the bigger hybrid worriedly, Hoseok joined in the snooping. Mostly just looking through books and sniffing sweaters before getting bored and collapsing onto the fold out bed, an excited laugh filling the quiet room as he rolled over the unmade sheets. 
It didn’t take long for Hoseok and Jimin arguing over the small bed to wake up Yoongi. But unfortunately he got to the mess a little late, arriving just as Namjoon did. The younger boy practically tore out his hair as he tried to remove his pack from the room. 
Failing, obviously. 
The situation was quite funny to the sleepy hybrid. Yoongi’s snickering was infuriating the Wolf hybrid further, his anger and panic almost over powering the soft feminine smell that you had left behind. 
“— Jeongguk you know you aren’t supposed to be in here! Taehyung, you’re supposed to be making sure he doesn’t cause trouble, not helping!” Namjoon groaned, head in palms. 
The youngest two barely looked away from the screens, their eyes only momentarily flickering over to Namjoon. So instead Jimin piped up, stepping out from behind the much taller hybrid. 
“We just thought since she was gone we could take advantage—“
“You thought it would be okay to sneak through someone’s personal belongings!?” 
The fox hybrid turned bright pink, his ears flattening to the top of his head. Guilt flooded his features as he practically dislocated his fingers behind his back. 
“That wasn’t my intention—“ 
Their leader was livid, and not even for being disobeyed. He was familiar with the feeling— jealousy. They all smelt like you, and now your room smelt of them. 
You smelt like someone other than him— and to make it worse, your musk had been mixed with multiple other male hybrids. It made his stomach churn. 
“Your intentions don’t matter anymore.” He snapped, pointing to the door where Yoongi rested. “Out, all of you.” 
Not a single person made an effort to move, all five pairs of eyes locked on their leader almost as if they were daring him to try and remove the group. The whole situation was amusing to Yoongi who still hadn’t said a word to his brothers, just watched everything as he usually did. 
But the sound of your tires crunching on the gravel driveway sent the boys flying for the front door before an argument could breakout, much to his disappointment. 
Yoongi and Jeongguk were the only two that waited in the living room, not reacting to your arrival with enthusiasm. 
“Y/N! You’re home!” Taehyung cheered, running out the front door, ignoring the stinging pain of the sharp rocks stabbing into his bare feet. 
Before the monkey hybrid could pull you into his body for a hug he was yanked to a halt by Jin. 
“Help with the bags first.” He scolded, shoving the heavier bags into the younger boy's arms. 
Whining Taehyung obeyed, his knuckles turning white as he practically ran to dump the bags in the kitchen. Namjoon and Jimin followed in Taehyung's direction, arms full with heavy bags until everything was unpacked. 
 It was after everything was put away where it needed to be that Taehyung engulfed you in his arms, nuzzling his nose into the crook of your neck. He was breathing in so heavily you felt like the boy was about to inhale your skin. 
“You were gone for so long--” He paused, his arms tightening on you as he shuffled around. Your back was now facing everyone so Taehyung could glare at his elder. “You hogged her on purpose!” 
Seokjin groaned, the younger boy's accusation not even bothering him. He knew his brothers had grown attached to their temporary carer. He was however beginning to worry that everyone was experiencing the same feelings. Your original four weeks of house sitting was officially up tomorrow, and he felt selfish knowing you were stuck here until the government decided otherwise, and not only their government but the Netherlands too. 
He had been so excited the moment he heard you step out the car. The moment your car tires had stopped crunching on gravel and your door swung open the strong scent of Spring hit him-- despite it being WInter. You smelt fresh, like flowers and pollen, and yet sweet like sugar. You smelt perfect. 
The first time he saw you, the night you come out with their meals he almost dropped to his knees to worship you. Long (H/C), wavy hair hung down your back, messy and slightly knotted from your hands attacking it. Your glasses were dangerously low on your nose as you struggled to drag the chunk of elk meat across the ground. Your lips were pouted, but he could tell that even if you weren’t sulking they would look nearly the same. You were pretty like a doll. Small, petite shoulders and rounded hips and plush thighs he dreamed of falling asleep on. 
You were perfect, and his. 
Until he realised, maybe you weren’t just for him. 
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queen-of-my-goofball-army · 4 years ago
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"What're we gonna do tonite Brain?
NARF!!
Pinky are you pondering what I'm pondering?
I think so Brain, but if they called them Sad Meals, kids wouldn't buy them." (Pinky, Pinky And The Brain.)
When I was in the fourth grade, I was alone so much of the time. I struggled to make friends, people thought that I was "weird", and I was just not having a fun time there. My saving grace was my fourth grade teacher, Mrs. McFarland. She did everything within her power to make sure that I was comfortable in her classroom even if it meant that she had to deal with my over dramatic nature at that age.
During that first week of school she showed our class something that would help me get through both that year and the repeating year of the same grade. When our class was learning geography Mrs McFarland whipped out a video that she warned us was dated but was a great way to introduce us to the idea of the thing. That was, of course, Yakko's Nations Of The World. The second I saw that song start, it changed everything for me. I promised myself that when I got home that day I would watch all the episodes of the cartoon. That was one I came across *one* silly lab mouse that would change my life forever.
My story with Pinky is a rather lonely one if I'm being entirely honest. To put things simply, for years he was my best friend. Now you might ask yourself, how is that possible that your best friend can be a fictional character that doesn't exist in real life? Well I'll tell you. My two "best friends" at the time thought that it would be a smart idea to spread all kinds of rumors about why I had to repeat the fourth grade. They ranged from oh she got into too many fights to she flunked and had to repeat the grade again. In reality what not many were privy to I just wanted to be the same age as everybody else instead of a year younger. But the damage had already been done. I was alone aside from a couple of acquaintances. Which is what led me to relying heavier on my comfort characters. The one who got the most millage was Pinky. He made me laugh when I was at my loneliest and it was through that laughter that I was able to heal and forgive. I don't remember the hurt but I remember the hours upon hours of laughter that Pinky gave to me when I was a kid.
To this day I still have this huge immense fondness for Pinky. He changed everything about my life and fundamentally altered what made me laugh. From the ages of five to ten what made me laugh was mostly slapstick. But after Pinky came into my life I found myself laughing at dialogue for the most part and not when Pinky got hurt. I actually hated whenever Pinky was injured in any way even if it was meant for comedy sake. It hurt my heart because he was just such a pure and innocent soul. Well maybe not "innocent" but you know what I mean. It was the first time that something made me laugh where I looked at something beyond getting smacked for being stupid. In my opinion Pinky is actually really smart it's just that he's not really all there most of the time. But when he has good ideas they usually work or come close to working.
If you didn't know, Pinky is voiced by Rob Paulsen. Otherwise known as my favorite voice actor and the man that singlehandedly changed my life. Whenever I look back at the characters that have changed my childhood Pinky is always the first one I think of. He's the one that's always been there for me. He's become my favorite comfort character that I have in my arsenal because he's just helped me out the most. Throughout my COVID-Con experience I've been lucky enough to have so many opportunity's to talk with my heroes. But, my favorite will always be the very first one that I ever did. When I finally got to tell the voice actor that had helped me out so much over the course of his life it felt like something that had been building for much longer.
Pinky to me is the embodiment of laughter and joy. Every time I watch him I feel more joyful, I smile more, and my heart warms. If I could give any of my comfort characters a big ol' hug it would be Pinky because throughout everything in my life, whether sad or glad he was there.
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technobladetimestamps · 4 years ago
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Nov 16 Stream Timestamps
Timestamps from Technoblade’s “THE REVOLUTION (dream SMP)”
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Link to my youtube comment with all of the timestamps x
Timestamps with hyperlinks below
02:13  “This is a surprise tool which will help us later” / thumbnail isn’t foreshadowing / video thumbnails have to be big / stream thumbnails can be detailed 05:17  “The traitor is actually Jschlatt” / firework crafting 09:50  “The ratio is impeccable” 13:23  “Dream’s in the game! My audience retention rate” / vc with Tubbo & Quackity / traitor Jschlatt theory / “Are you high?” “A little” 14:47  “You’re a bit of a wildcard” “I am the most consistent character on the entire server” / “What’s this about getting into power” / “We’ll burn this bridge when we get to it” 15:54  “You really are such an English major” / “You’re an idiom” / malaphor / “I’m actually speaking twice as much English as you guys” 18:07  “I think Thunder is overcompensating in the chat” / “Where can you see me” “In my heart” (Karl & Quackity) / Karl not leaving vc 20:33  vc with Niki / “Did Tubbo just leave me? I spaced out for 2 seconds” / “You can’t call everyone the traitor” “I can & will” 22:45  “You know it’s an event when Skeppy’s here” / “You know it’s a big deal when Georgenotfound wakes up” / “Everyone leaves me” 23:31  explaining the traitor thing to Niki / “Maybe I’m a sleeper agent” / had to kill Tubbo 25:03  nothing happened with that creeper / Fundy interrogating Niki / “Why did I train her for MCC” 25:54  “Even YOU’RE leaving me” / sad music / “I’m sitting here with 203k viewers & it’s not enough for any of these streamers to bear talking to me for more than 60 seconds” / Skeppy joins vc to immediately leave 28:50  Karl has a gift for Techno / Karl is just here for the animatic 32:21  “At least the chat won’t leave me” / pays for his music 35:01  “I’m going to destroy the government so bad” / “I hate all of the farming updates on skyblock” 37:45  joining a vc / “I just got stood up in like 4...conversations in rapid succession” / “My new years resolution was to make friends & it’s november & I’ve made zero headway” / Eret switches sides 41:53  Ender chest setup / worried about hotbar management / potions > shields   43:13  vc with allies / “Karl you are literally the biggest third wheel I have ever seen” 45:03  angering the dogs / trident combo 47:13  “D!ck with one ball” (Tubbo) 50:25  “Let’s hope Wil overslept like [George]” 53:09  recruiting Eret / “If you fight on our side we’ll make you the King of Burger King” / “He’ll be an executive citizen” / “I’m surrounded by idiots” 54:58  putting Schlatt on the allies list / “Schlatt is an alcoholic high on protein power” (Fundy) 56:47  can’t trust Eret / “I hate it when you’re right” (Tubbo) / Wilbur joins vc 59:50  having a moment with Hubert / “Not even the mobs like me” / sad music / “I just gained 8k subscribers the sadness is gone” / cow pit exp farm 1:02:57  vc with Niki / “I’m going to join the other vc AHHHHH” 1:05:02  “Once everyone meets up...I have something prepared” / “Technoblade when are you not ready?” “When I joined the server” 1:09:38  “Who do you take me for? Of course I’ve read the Art of War. It’s written by Mozart” / battle planning 1:12:18  “This is the betrayal...happening very slowly” 1:13:35  Pan1 / “This revolution is so doomed” 1:15:29  Dream attack / Quackity dies 1:18:07  “Agree Retweet” / “Violence is the only universal language” / “i have a supply” / “Why do you talk in upwards inflections constantly?” 1:19:57  Techno not getting to talk / “He took it all by force didn’t he” / “Fear into Ear” 1:23:50  Techno telling everyone he has a stash twice / distributing blue / mushroom the fox 1:26:49  Tommy talking over Techno again / “Stop going off on your tangents” “We have food at home” 1:29:30  vault reveal / Tubbo stealing emeralds / secret chest 1:32:40  “Shut up bro you are green as shit” (Tommy) / “Everyone give me back my stuff you don’t deserve it” 1:34:41  no netherite swords / “Who’s the traitor” “Promise we won’t be mad” 1:36:31  battle / Technoblade trident maneuvering / giving rocket launchers to Tubbo & Tommy 1:40:27  killing Karl / Dream bringing out the end crystals / fighting invis Dream / purpled switches sides 1:43:57  Dream wants to talk / 309k / group photos 1:46:08  vc with Dream / “But only if my enemy insists” / in the van with Schlatt / “What are you doing in my drug van? It better not be drugs” / Tommy preparing to shoot Schlatt 1:54:42  “We won” / “We killed an old man with heart problems! It only took 20 of us!” / President Innit / subscribe to Technoblade sign 1:55:57  Dream & Techno talk in chat / Tommy speech / “It was meant to be” / “I don’t think anyone is bowing to Tommyinnit” / “Karl don’t be weird” / Skeppy has a disc 1:59:06  Techno being apprehensive on mute / Tommy makes Wilbur President / “I’ll be the president” “I’m gonna veto that” / “Techno...you’ve taught me that government is not the way to go” / Wilbur makes Tubbo president 2:03:20  “I’m not sure I like where this is going x2” / “I’m not sure this is a good ending” / “Team chaos” “Perhaps” 2:06:20  Techno shoots Tubbo / Philza joins / “You think Schlatt was the cause of your problems? No. It was government” / speech gets interrupted / “The government ends here, I’ll kill it myself!” 2:09:23  Phil kills Wilbur / techno yelling for silence / “Tommy you just did a coup...& instilled yourself as president” 2:12:11  “If you want to be a hero THAN DIE LIKE ONE” / wither spawning / killing his former allies 2:15:09  post fight talks / “There will be no new government today. It will be over my dead body” / “Techno was not the traitor” 2:18:50  “I need to increase the crater that is L’Manberg so that no country can rise in its place” / “Mom says it’s my turn on the flame bow” 2:23:51  “What I’m doing right now is small scale. This is the work of an individual. This is nothing compared to the cruelty governments all around the world [inflict]...systematically” / “Llamas are the primary victims of war” / “I just wanna be apart of the explosion” (George) 2:27:06  Techno joins vc / connor joins the server / “I hope you’re proud of yourself Techno” “I kinda am” / Jack Manifold (Thunder) being broke / netherite armor 2:32:30  “Beach episode” / Techno accidentally joins the L’Manberg vc 2:35:16  the base is compromised / “There’s no way Technoblade would put a clock there if it didn’t mean anything” / got robbed 2:37:37  “If you’re going to ask me how I got all these emerald & arrows that’s a story for another day” / explaining the bedrock / “I can give everyone stuff & it’ll be such a flex” 2:40:24  Greek mythology 2:41:45  The Golden Apple / “They didn’t use discord back then they used skype, so can’t invite Eris” / “Zeus the god of feminism” 2:46:02  Eret recruiting Techno to kill George / joining vc / “Let’s stop him before he gets land” / Awesamdude proposing a fight 2:49:08  “No one can kill me I’m invincible” (logs out) / Dream literally names the turtle potions Sam thinks he hasn’t heard of / “I’m at soup” / “It’s not smack talk he just has that many items” 2:53:06  “Stab him Dream, I’ll shout encouraging words” / Techno fighting Bad & Ant 2:56:23  Dream wins / “I think there was this Dream guy attacking you with some sort of weapon” 3:00:11  turtle potions / Dream hyping up Techno about fighting BBH / Badlands negotiating with George 3:04:34  vc with Philza 3:07:00  spider farm afk’ing / lagging Quackity’s computer 3:09:06  smp earth / Phil only logged on to back Techno up 3:10:32  killing George / “I’m gonna drop his armor off don’t jump me” / not fighting Dream 3:13:00  vc with Karl & Phil / Karl definitely not starting a government / “Chat that was the boring part, don’t leave” / 320k / “Why do we keep scheduling these on Monday?” 3:16:18  “I don’t even want to think about how famous Tommy will be in the future” / “I get a tad bitter” / covid is good for youtubers but obviously bad / “I’m so good at socially distancing” 3:19:51  “Aren’t you tired of being nice Philza? Don’t you just wanna go crazy” / “You should be wary of the old in a profession where people die young” / vc with Eret 3:21:47  “What if you built a slightly larger throne next to it?” /  “How are they paranoid of a mole but the guy with a track record of being a traitor gets no questions asked” 3:25:47  “I’m gonna place a block at the bottom & kill you instantly” / reverse mlg / ��emerald rich even with Tubbo’s theft 3:27:57  “I’ll allow it” / upstairs chests robbed / Eret disconnects with the book 3:32:04  armor sabotage bc he thought it’d be 1v5 / crystals are mutually assured destruction / Wilbur afraid of tnt getting blown up early 3:34:11  the diary was actually Eret’s / “He’s gonna tell everyone who I have a crush on. Nooo” / reading the 100 page book / “Can I not win here?” “No” 3:40:14  “This stream has released more serotonin in my brain than the last 6 months combined” / revolution was overcrowded / could improve the crater 2:43:09  “Awkward ten minute period where I’m just sitting there watching them set up a new government but I can’t kill them yet” / Carl is missing 3:44:34  “The one time Technoblade is gonna roleplay & they talk over him” / “CARL” / “As long as Sapnap isn’t the one that took him there’ll still be hope” 3:46:10  “Once you start using end crystals it’s the only pvp that matters & end crystal pvp is so lame” / Webtoons 3:49:10  “What’s going to happen to you & WIlbur now?” “I don’t know, I think I’m chill with Wilbur” / “The only thing that changed is my voice. Zero personal growth” / lines from the first speech that got interrupted / “King George is trending booo” 3:52:00  1 million twitter followers / “O god it’s been four hours...I am not built for this” / did a 13 hour stream once / sub growth goals 3:56:30  “What the heck is Phil watching”
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a-lil-perspective · 4 years ago
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I don’t want to be that person—
But I really need to get this off my chest. This is the culmination of two months buildup of thoughts that have been screaming far too loud for me to continue simply taking in stride. I can’t do it. I apologize in advance, for anyone who actually reads this, if this is a deterrent to you about my character or my minuscule space taken up here on Tumblr. Again, I really can no longer remain silent. If it’s any solace:
I tried.
Where to begin. First off—as much as I’d love for this to be an update on the next chapter of Remember Me, it is not. For those of you who’ve kept up with the story, I’m sure you’ve noticed my uploading pattern these past few weeks has been reduced to solely weekends—and barely that, might I add. While I will try to have Chapter 9 up within the next few days, I cannot guarantee when. At this point in time, it’s not a lack of creative streak, it’s a lack of time. I have all these outlines and segments in my head but can’t seem to even catch a breath much less put the story down in my notes or in Word for later edit and upload. But I’m trying. I really am. As I’ve said before: I will finish this story, come hell or high water. But currently being engulfed in the former has been a huge burden.
Per my past psa’s: My health? Two giant thumbs down (nothing to do with COVID-19). Personal aspects? Two giant thumbs down. Both are and have been slowly corroding me. To avoid this post seemingly grabbing for sympathy, I’m going to just stop there with that. But I’m truly suffocating in this corner.
Next point in case: I’m going to be completely candid here. It’s extremely difficult and utterly exhausting to continue posting fics. Mentally and Emotionally. The pressure to post. The pressure to post because if you don’t in a timely manner, you lose your momentum and “fall behind” when you post again. Then you’re right back to square one thereafter because people have grown absent in your absence. It’s exhausting and stressful to spin in that wheel.
It’s difficult when you pour every drop of energy into a work, only for it to sit largely unnoticed on your blog. To stay up literally all night making sure your punctuation is impeccable, re-reading the same fic over and over before you post until your brain explodes and you utterly forsake the fic the minute you hit that post button. To take up space on a post tagging and adding those notes and engaging flares that go unrequited. It’s... well, it’s detrimental. It gets you down. It gets me down. I’m not going to lie about that. We all want validation and I will be the first to shoot my hand up in acknowledgement.
I’m going to stop right there as you’re reading to clarify: This is not a call-out post. This is not a guilt post. This is not me giving an ultimatum. This is not me demanding reblogs. This is not me telling you “your likes don’t matter” (I have literally seen that on posts and it kind of disgusts me. That’s all I’m going to say about that for now).
Reblogs, while unanimously appreciated, are not a priority to me. Comments and feedback and communication are invaluable to me. That’s it. That coveted and intimate interaction between the Writer and the Reader. One is not more important than the other. We’re a team, a unit, a force that balances each other on a broad, diverse scale.
I don’t ask for much—I don’t ask for anything here, actually (unless it’s directed towards the general audience over what y’all would like to see, which largely goes unengaged whenever I bring up). No, I don’t post fics that frequently. No, I don’t crank them out as quick. No, I don’t have that many. Yes, I’m new to fanfic writing. But I work quietly and solely with all my own plots and dialogues and ideas (I love prompts and requests, though). Thus my usually hefty works. Y’all get the whole nine yards. But I don’t feel like I really get to bounce my ideas around to others, which can further exacerbate that sense of isolation for me around here. I put myself through a really long process for every single thing I write because, the quality of my work matters to me. A lot. So I try to take my time to deliver that. And... I guess I just hope you know that or can discern that as you read each time.
Another astronomically exhausting aspect is this platform itself. It’s painfully evident to me, in my four meager months here, that Tumblr is just one big popularity contest. Who can upload the most, the fastest, the most efficiently. Who has the most followers. Who accumulates them the quickest. A place where your “exposure” is literally at the mercy of others. And when people purposely don’t want to aid in that, it spirals into this really toxic mindset causing friction between Writers and other Writers, causing unnecessary strain, avoidance, insecurities, and hinderances to YOUR precious work. And I’m not about that. It’s a no from me.
Also, I’ve just got to interject with this bit: Bad Batch Writers. Bad Batch Writers struggle. In my opinion, from what I’ve seen, it’s like if you aren’t writing for a popular Clone like Wolffe or Fives or Jesse, you don’t get traffic. Which I think is just... kind of corny. Okay. I think it’s really corny and ridiculous. Please know that I’m not saying anything bad about those Clone babies, the people who write them, or anything like that. Please don’t hear what I’m not saying. I’m just making a point. Bad Batch does NOT get enough love. And the Writers ultimately suffer because of it. That’s all there.
We’re all supposed to be in this together. Your work—your writing—is neither good nor bad. There’s no such thing. There’s only YOUR writing; your unique, beautiful words that I LOVE more than anything, that only YOU speak. We all speak a different dialect and flow through our storytelling. And it’s a beautiful, wholesome thing. It always has been. It should never be this detrimental stage Tumblr has made for content creators. Let’s be honest: Tumblr is not the ideal place to thrive. And I’m just... sick of it.
I’m beyond an exhausted state. I can’t remember that last time I wasn’t. (I know everyone is, with the ebb and flow of our world’s daily uncertainties during these unprecedented times). But for me, personally, it’s getting increasingly harder to keep up with the reblogs and comments and blogs of all the stories I love, while updating my work and trying to interact on my blog, while battling my health and nonexistent energy, and constantly be exposed to the “Tumblr Tumbles”, as I call it—the overbearing popularity and the waiting and the wondering and the silent seething because of it. It’s just too much. And it doesn’t take a detective to pick up on that attitudinal shift around here. It’s all just one big, pernicious cycle. And seeing that here nearly every day, exhausts me. I don’t know how else to convey as much. But I just can’t do it. And honestly, I get this overwhelming loneliness just being here.
I don’t know what I’m trying to say. I’m going to continue doing my thing until my engine sputters out. I’m going to keep up with storytelling, because I love it more than anything. I just needed to get this off my chest. I’m just rambling. I might delete this but, I might not. Who knows.
I just... Geez. I need to know that I’m not just shouting into the void over here like always.
Communication to me is key. If you don’t want me to tag you anymore: tell me. If you don’t want me to message you: tell me. Please. Just don’t like me? Cool. Tell me. It’s better to know and communicate than to walk on eggshells around everyone and everything. I’ve applied that flawed strategy throughout my whole life and I strongly dislike doing so. It adds no benefit to either party. Just be honest with yourself and others. That’s always super important.
For those of you, my handful of regulars who are around... you know who you are. Thank you. My thanks is but a meager conveyance of my undying gratitude for you. But I want you to know how much I appreciate your presence here. Words cannot express.
@halzore... You are a real mate. You are an incredible being who is not only insightful but, a true muse here. I look to you as more than just a devoted Reader of mine, and you should know that I would NOT have gotten this far with my Bad Batch Post Order: 66 series—or any of my Bad Batch works, for that matter—without your encouraging words. Holy cow. You’re a dearest friend. Your writing, art, and musical talent leaves me in awe. (A truly brilliant mind, please go love her y’all). Thank you for seeing all the good, little things in me and my work. It makes this all worth it. You make it all worth it. I get really overwhelmed thinking about it. But I just want you to know I appreciate you so much.
To anyone who’s ever left me kind, encouraging, and wonderful comments... I remember them. I do. I think of them when I’m down, and I think of them now as I write this—which is in my dispirited state, ironically. But I appreciate it. I think it is so SO important to lift each other up with words. You don’t have to reblog and all that (only speaking for myself here). Just take a moment to say something kind to someone. It makes someone’s entire day, week, month, year. Please... love other Writers. Love yourself. We all struggle. But let’s do it together. Let’s be there for each other.
Come talk to me. I don’t bite, I promise. Tell me about your day. Tell me something about yourself. I care. I love that interaction, because you are MORE than just a Reader to me. You are a valued human being with feelings, desires, wants, needs... come share that with me. If there’s something you’d like to see in my future works, something that would engage you more; please, come tell me.
I’m going to try and get better. At writing, at navigating this strange place, with my health, with life. I’ve been at my breaking point for so long that my barely held together pieces and exposed, worn chinks are almost uneffected and unresponsive to any help or healing. But I’m going to try.
Thank you for being here. I’m sure it can be hard to have patience with me and my nonexistent uploading schedule, but, I do have several wips in the works (teases in my masterlist in case you’re wondering). They’ll come around. :’)
Keep your head up and shining, lovelies. And I’ll try to do the same.
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sailorsilverladybug · 4 years ago
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Now that it's all over, I wanted to let you in on the past couple of weeks of my life. It's been rather stressful and hectic, and some of it rather frightening, so please bear with me. I doubt this is a surprise to any of you, but we are living in the middle of a pandemic.
Unfortunately, it is not under control. Not even close. And while I won't go into politics in this venue, I will say that I am both angry with how this has been handled in my country, and afraid of what the future will bring.
So, here goes. Last week my sister-in-law convinced me to go with her into one of the nearby cities to shop and go to a local casino (which practices social distancing and refuses entry to anyone not wearing a mask). We had been out before, and I needed things for the house, so I went. And I had a blast. We had a lot of fun and just got to hang out and spend time doing girl things.
But this past Friday, the 14th, around mid-morning, I started feeling ill. I had a headache that was nothing like my migraines or a stress headache. It centered just behind my eyes. I started to have a runny nose and felt strangely out of touch with my surroundings. Worse, I started having trouble breathing. I told my husband, who called his work and warned them he might be infected. Then we started calling the local hospital to find out about testing.
We registered to get tested. The woman who registered us said there would be a sign on the side of the primary care physician's office that we should call when we got there Monday. Because we live in a tiny rural town, the hospital only does testing between 9:00 and 12:30, Monday through Friday.
We had to wait until Monday to get tested. An entire weekend, wondering if I was going to get sicker and sicker. With my pre-existing conditions I was sure if I had Covid-19, it would be a death sentence.
Added on top of that, my husband totally lost it when I tried to talk to him about my wishes if something happened to me. He absolutely refused to listen and for a moment I thought he was going to throw himself on the ground and throw a real fit like our son did once when he was small. So, I started putting everything in order, just in case. I spent most of Friday, Saturday, and Sunday putting together my own memorial service, just in case. I made written notes to doctors and made sure our life insurance was all set.
All of this took an even bigger toll on me than the continued headache and the congestion. Then, probably because of stress, I started feeling sick to my stomach. It wasn't pleasant. The stress got so overwhelming, and nothing wanted to go right, and I was just ready to tear my hair out and run down the street screaming. That would have been a rather embarrassing arrest, so I'm glad I had some self-control.
While we were waiting for the testing to start, I worked for several hours to put together a back-tracing list that had everywhere I had been for the last three weeks, where my husband had been, and even the places I knew my sister-in-law had gone. Then, on Monday morning, at just before eight, Steve and I left to go and get tested. Since we were afraid of exposing anyone else, we walked (and I walked up a very big hill almost completely without help!)
By this point, I firmly believed I didn't have Covid-19, but I wasn't about to take chances with anyone else's health and safety. So we got to the hospital, saw the sign on the side of the primary care physician's building, and made the call that we were there... except, we hadn't found the right sign. The one we were reading was the one ON the side of the building. Not AT the side of the building. So, after my husband discovered our mistake (forty minutes on hold later), we called the second number and waited for a response.
Now, I'll be honest here... by this time, I was hot, tired, afraid, and just plain mad. I held it together, but I'm pretty sure my diatribe on anyone refusing to wear masks was heard ten miles away. By the end of my rant, both the others waiting in their cars to be tested had rolled up their windows (it went on for a REALLY long time).
Then a nice gentleman came out. I turned to my husband in a panic and made him promise he wouldn't let me bite the poor guy (which is a tendency I have when I am in extreme pain and a doctor gets too close). He walked us through what would happen and I asked if he would let my husband hold my head, partly to avoid biting him, and partly because Steve just makes me feel better. The man agreed, Steve leaned my head against his chest, and I sat on my walker and waited with my eyes closed for the torture to begin.
I'll be honest, while it totally sucked, it wasn't quite as bad as I had made it in my head. It felt like he was trying to tickle my brain, and I think I begged him to stop and said "oh S***" A LOT, but in spite of the discomfort, I survived it. Watching Steve go through it a minute later was almost worse, because I knew how much it sucked. He had his hands fisted and was shaking the whole time. He was stoic about it, but afterwards, when I made the quip about tickling the brain, he said "more like drilling," and just shook his head.
The gentleman we had been speaking to (I call him a gentleman because he was incredibly kind and gentle) said we might have our results as early as today, which was both a surprise and a blessing, because without Steve going back to work, we weren't sure how we would even manage to get food next week, let alone pay our rent, electric, and other bills, or set money aside for winter heating.
We were on our way back when my sister-in-law (Steve's brother's wife) drove past. She yelled at us to stay where we were, and we did, because we were friggin' exhausted by this point. She picked us up and drove us home after taking her own test about ten minutes later.
So, we waited. Now, I'll be honest. By this point I was about 98% sure that none of us had Covid-19, but we didn't take chances. Steve works in a grocery store. Sometimes he is stocking shelves, sometimes running a register, and sometimes he is out at the fuel island (the store gas station) pumping gas for people, and taking their money. So we knew if he went to work he could expose a LOT of people. We were very careful.
At 9:00 on the dot this morning I received the phone call telling me that I was Covid-19 negative! I bounced in my seat through the whole call. She didn't have Steve's results yet, so we waited. Around eleven, my sister in-law got her results. And then around one Steve got his. None of us are infected, thankfully. Steve called his work and let them know he is free to return (not a moment too soon) and will be going back tomorrow.
In the meantime, all the things we couldn't do because we had to self-isolate need to be taken care of, including several errands like getting dog food. So he has been rushing around getting things done all afternoon. Then I sat down and started writing, because that is just how I process things. I put on some music and just let my fingers fly over the keyboard.
My week sort of sucked, but the bright side is, I don't have Covid-19. Now that you know that, it's time I got into a subject that has really been bothering me. If you don't want to read further, you don't have to, but I really wish you would, and that you would spread the message along.
Every single person who chooses to wear a mask in spite of the annoyance it causes, is a hero to me. Every one of you who has gone without going to the club, who hasn't been going to church, who hasn't done any of the other things that happen in big groups. All of you who have been frustrated, but who know that your actions can either protect or harm other people... You are all heroes. You make a difference. Just as much as necessary workers. Just as much as doctors and nurses. You are heroes.
For those of you who don't wear masks, social distance, or use proper protection procedures, I am begging you, don't let this disease take away what you hold dear. Be safe, be smart. Listen to the doctors and nurses. Listen to the people begging you to wear a mask. Don't put yourself (or your loved ones) through what I just experienced.
Each time you get out of your car to go in a store, put a fresh mask on. Each time you touch something that has been touched by other people, use hand sanitizer. Stay at LEAST six feet apart. Wash your hands constantly, and thoroughly, for at least 20 seconds. Avoid touching your face (or the outside of your used masks!) and be very careful.
You don't want to go through the worry and the fear that you might have been exposed. But more than that, you don't want to be worried that you gave Covid-19 to someone you love. Please, be careful, be kind, and be safe. I don't want to lose you from this world. Every single one of us is special and has a purpose. Don't let your light go out. Take care of yourselves, and the rest of us.
Now, I'm going to climb off my soap-box and go do something completely unrelated to death and dying for a few hours. I might play a video game, or write a funny story. I might blast some music and sing off-key (loudly). Who knows. All I know is, I've had enough of fear and death to last a lifetime.
I wish you all well. God bless you.
Tori
Sailor Silver Ladybug
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krisroley · 4 years ago
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February 9th, 2021
One Small Moment
Today I want to talk to some specific friends who I won't name, but I'm fairly sure that this will apply to way more of just them.
First things first, I'm not going to insult your intelligence by giving you a bunch of platitudes. In my experience, they're nothing but empty calories. Filler and no substance, they're designed to make the person giving them feel better, not the person who needs help. In some cases, people who need help end up feeling worse. I'm one of those people, so I absolutely understand the feeling. So, no bullshit from me. Cool? Moving on.
Let me describe my lack of bona fides right upfront. I'm a guy with a high school education and one year of college because I let my dick do the thinking up to the point that I ended up homeless and friendless. I tried to follow in my Dad's footsteps and join the military and washed right out after six months because I have a mouth bigger than my brain. I come from a family that describing as dysfunctional is exceedingly generous. My dad had anger issues, my mother was a narcissist manipulator, as is my brother. He's got a criminal record and is probably on his way back to prison for at least 12 years as I write this. I'm the voice of reason in my family, and as I have said repeatedly, this should scare the fuck out of you. I got married at 24, and I had three kids by the age of 30. I've been dirt poor most of that time. At this stage of my life, I believe that I am an undiagnosed case of autism from the 1970s because my kids--all of them--are on the spectrum. I didn't have a bad childhood if you looked at it from one angle, but I had a horrible one if you looked at it from the inside out. I inherited my Dad's anger issues and my mother's narcissism. I was a horrible husband for years until my wife walked out on me in 2005. It made me face myself in a way I had not seen before, and I couldn't take it. I had a nervous breakdown. My wife thought I was worth saving, and I am forever grateful for it. I promised I would work on my issues, and I have. Three times in my life, I thought I was at the end of my rope. Not from a thought of suicide ideation, just that there was nowhere else to turn. No one else to ask for help. No one else I could lean on. Just Roley.
That moment right there is the point. The entire lesson. One small moment when your brain says, "Well, you're really fucked now, aren't you?" There is only one answer to that question, and that answer is yes because if you answer no, you ain't there yet. Trust me on this. You have to answer yes. This is the moment where you're accountable to no one but you, and you cannot lie to yourself. You can TRY. It ain't gonna work. Not for long.
Let's not bullshit ourselves. There is a lot of work in repairing a life that you fucked up on your own. You climb up out of a hole for years before you ever see daylight. I was a shut-in for two years because I thought it better that the world forgets about me. I tried to make a living from home in 2006-2007, but this world we live in hadn't come to pass yet, and I was living a fantasy. It made me feel worse that I couldn't provide for my family, but I could barely function as a human at that point. So I decided to do the only work I was capable of: Working on myself. I read every self-help book and mental health book I could lay my hands on. I dug deep into myself to try to figure out why I was the person I was, how I became that way, and the answer was straightforward. First, I thought I was absolutely normal. My behavior, though abhorrent, was how I was raised. My parents treated each other and us kids horribly, but it wasn't physically abusive save for a couple of times I'll keep to myself. I grew up in the same environment I perpetuated. I was continuing a cycle. Secondly, to accept that fact and to change meant work I wasn't ready to take on. But human psychology is a lot like a car in that regard; you can do the work now, or you can do it later, but it's going to cost you a lot more. In my case, it almost cost me everything. It was the third of those three times that I faced myself in the mirror and heard that voice, and this was the time I said yes.
For two-thirds of my life, my story is a story of failure, of self-hatred, of being a bad example. But from the age of 35 to 50, it's a story of repair and redemption. I'll put my humble path to today up against anyone's and dare them to do the work I've done to heal myself and come out who I am today. I'm still married to the same woman for over 25 years now. I've got three amazing kids who I adore. Up until May of this year, I had what I consider to be a dream job until COVID ate it, but I'm still with the same company, and I'm going to bust whatever amount of ass it takes to get my job back or demonstrate the skills I learned there to someone else who's willing to take me. I have a sense of self-worth and purpose that I've never had before, and I'm not taking being a call center tech support agent for the rest of my life. It is a means to an end, and it is not my life's work. I know what that is. It's helping you in the best way I know how: By being not the example of how to fix it, but from showing you by my example, it CAN BE FIXED that you can go from being a person full of anger and self-loathing and cruel behavior to being a person of kindness and compassion and love for people. That you can go from being a person who has no prospects to a person who can go to a job every day that fulfills them personally and professionally. That you can go from being a person who hasn't got their shit together at all to a person that can get morning to night without falling apart at the seams. This is my road, and my lane, but it's big enough for you, and I want you on this road with me. Some of you are gifted and talented beyond description, but the world doesn't know it yet because you have these problems. I know. I get it. I also see who you are, and the world deserves to see you as well. I had no one else to turn to at that last moment, so I did what I had to do. Myself. I'm asking you to take a walk with me because I don't want you to have to do it on your own. I may not know your way home, but I can get you as far as Anchorhead. You can get transport there to Mos Eisley or wherever you're going.
I had to get one joke in there somehow.
Did Joe Know About This?
On the heels of the news of Joe Budden maybe-kinda-sorta-moving his show to Patreon (which is weird since it looks like it’s being hosted on Libsyn now), Spotify has announced plans for multiple business models for podcasts, possibly to include ad-supported subscriptions and a la carte options. These may be discussed at a live stream event later in February.
Asked if Spotify thought customers would be willing to pay for podcasts, Ek on the earnings call responded that he believed there were several new models that could be explored.
“I think we’re in the early days of seeing the long-term evolvement of how we can monetize audio on the internet. I’ve said this before, but I don’t believe that it’s a one-size-fits-all,” he said. “I believe, in fact, that we will have all business models, and that’s the future for all media companies — that you will have ad-supported subscriptions and à la carte sort of in the same space, of all media companies in the future.”
“And you should definitely expect Spotify to follow that strategy and that pattern,” Ek added, more definitively.
The answer seemed to indicate that Spotify is considering some of the ideas in that recent survey — of getting consumers to pay for some podcasts, instead of accessing them all for free or having them bundled into their music subscription.
I wonder if Budden was aware of this and balked. Would there be a revenue split between Spotify and the creators, and what’s the ratio? Now that I think of it, isn’t that what they’ve been crying about re: Apple?
For more than a year, Spotify has been making noise about Apple’s unchecked power over the App Store, and in March 2019, it filed a complaint against Apple with the European Commission. Spotify claims Apple’s practice of taking 30 percent of an app’s revenue is unjustified, and says the company operates as a monopoly on iOS.
Suddenly, I find this Budden/Spotify deal more intriguing.
Wait, You Can Make Money Doing That?
Julie Miller from Vanity Fair writes about Hollywood coming over to the Pod Side for ‘fun and profit’:
…entertainment types began orbiting the audio space about two years ago in earnest, as the number of Americans listening to podcasts every month headed toward the 100 million it is today. It was also around 2018 that agencies like CAA began incorporating audio deals into their development packages. One insider estimates that many celebrities could get a six-figure guarantee per year, with the biggest actors receiving between $1 million and $3 million to launch an unscripted podcast. Scripted projects offer less up-front money but can be adapted into TV shows, films, books, and so on.
For the record, I am Steve Jobs, “Podcasts are Amateur Hour" Years Old. For years, podcasting was seen as less-than, so when I see stories like this, the little imp of the perverse in the back of my head tosses a bone at every true media elitist who, strangely, has a podcast now..
How About Not Doing That?
Chris Curran over at PES has a question about your thin mouth:
When I’m doing my fine-tuned editing on a podcast episode I use TwistedWave or Sound Forge because they allow me to VERY QUICKLY zoom in, highlight very small things like single mouthclicks, and delete them. 
When I try to make the same kind of edit in a DAW (Reaper and others) it takes forever. 
What say you?
For the most part, my workflow tends to remove mouth clicks, or at the very least minimize them. If they still show up through my noise gate, I highlight and remove them. I can’t say this happens often because I like to make sure I keep some water near me while I’m recording. The single biggest thing you can do to prevent mouth clicks is to keep hydrated. Remember, you can’t fix it in Post if it never happens in the first place.
Shot Of The Day
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love-advice-on-call · 5 years ago
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Submitted Anonymously (admittedly the ask itself is lengthy, but I’m including it as a whole because there is really important information here for everyone in similar situations):
why do i keep on attracting men who cannot see my worth and use me until i am no longer of use to them? i have noticed this pattern in the men who have been friends of mine or past exes/crushes.
my ex boyfriend made me feel like i was not good enough for him. i felt deprived of the attention and love that i needed at times. it got to the point where sometimes i would throw a tantrum so he would finally acknowledge me. we would get into an argument and then sometimes he would bring up a mutual friend of ours in the conversation. he would mention how she never does this and always understands him. i realized how much that stung to hear. it made me feel like i had failed at being his girlfriend and that i apparently do not know him well enough compared to somebody else.
then, this guy that i recently had fell for, led me on for months on end and made me feel like i had a solid chance with him. he accepted my dreams and hopes. he promised a future with me where i would be taken out on dates and lose my first to him. he stopped being that way with me after a couple of months in our weird friendship. he would only be endearing and sweet to me when he was horny. i became this toy that he used to get off too. stupidly enough, i still thought he liked me and did everything he asked because i was so desperate for him to continue feeling something for me. i found out eventually that he was in love with my best friend. i was pushed to the side when something better came along, basically.
a year ago, an old friend of mine who is married, has 2 kids, and is 30 years old (i am 9 years younger than him), started flirting hardcore with me. i had no idea he was married and had kids until a few months in our friendship to which he explained how he could had sworn he told me. it just made me feel so sick after i found out because he was telling me how much he liked me, wanted to be with me, and explained in depth on what he would do to me if i was with him. he sent me photos, asked to see photos, became pushy when i said no, and wanted me to watch him get off to the idea of me. i explained to him how he needed to stop and it took some convincing for him to finally do that. he also had a girlfriend as this was going on (my other best friend) and i do not think she knows he was doing this while they were beginning to date. i
then, this newest guy, i just want to take things slow, and have normal conversations. they begin that way and then it gets sexual. he starts to address me as a “whore”, “slut”, orders me around to do his bidding, demeans me, and makes me feel like i am just not good enough. i understand how some people get off to this but it has gotten to the degree where i almost started crying because i felt so wildly triggered by it. he stopped right away when i asked him to not stop calling me those things. he told me how he did not want to make me feel like crap or that i was not good enough. so, that is good.
i don’t know anymore. everything is making me feel disgusted with myself and like i am stuck in the body of my child self again. i just hate feeling like i am a second option, a toy to be used with, and that i am just not good enough. i hate it so much.
Response:
So I would like to say is that it sounds like you are describing having a bad dating radar, but the bigger underlying issue is that you seem to be getting mixed up with these really abusive guys.  I think you know this too as you’ve pointed out these guys are jerks, but I’d like to start off with going through your ask and pointing our some of those things to you because I think a 3rd person perception of the situations is important.
“i felt deprived of the attention and love that i needed at times. it got to the point where sometimes i would throw a tantrum so he would finally acknowledge me.....  he would mention how she never does this and always understands him. i realized how much that stung to hear. it made me feel like i had failed at being his girlfriend and that i apparently do not know him well enough compared to somebody else.”
I’m sorry that he’d compare you to other people. Something like that would definitely hurt and it sounds like neither of you were having your needs met in the relationship.
then, this guy that i recently had fell for, led me on for months on end and made me feel like i had a solid chance with him. he accepted my dreams and hopes.
Generally with people leading others on, there is sort of a power dynamic there.  One person has something the other person wants (almost always emotional) and they leverage it to get what they want (sex, attention, control, etc.).
i found out eventually that he was in love with my best friend.
I have my doubts that he was in love with your best friend.  Given how he was treating you it’s more likely this was another relationship where he was also using your best friend.
a year ago, an old friend of mine who is married, has 2 kids, and is 30 years old (i am 9 years younger than him), started flirting hardcore with me. i had no idea he was married and had kids until a few months in our friendship
Ouch, that is really all I can say.  Holy shit I’m sorry to hear that he did that to you and disgusted to hear that he is doing that to has family.  I always hate hearing about these situations.
he sent me photos, asked to see photos, became pushy when i said no, and wanted me to watch him get off to the idea of me. i explained to him how he needed to stop and it took some convincing for him to finally do that.
A bit of good news hear, I’m glad to hear that you asserted yourself when things got too heavy.  This is a tremendous victory and you should really be proud of yourself for doing this.  So many people are not strong enough to stand their ground, but you did.
he also had a girlfriend as this was going on (my other best friend) and i do not think she knows he was doing this while they were beginning to date
I- just... anger, disappointment.  This guy sounds like scum of the Earth.  Not even sure if Satan himself would be able look at this one. Fuck this guy
he starts to address me as a “whore”, “slut”, orders me around to do his bidding, demeans me, and makes me feel like i am just not good enough. i understand how some people get off to this but it has gotten to the degree where i almost started crying because i felt so wildly triggered by it. he stopped right away when i asked him to not stop calling me those things. he told me how he did not want to make me feel like crap or that i was not good enough. so, that is good.
Again, good to hear that you asserted yourself and very glad to hear that this guy respected your boundaries and emphasized that he didn’t mean harm.  Sounds like every one was responsible in the end, but sorry to hear that it did end up hurting you.
What is interesting to point out  though is that this guy took a dominant/deprecatory role and that he did it to specifically you.  Like maybe he knew or felt that you would be receptive/sensitive to it.  In no way am I saying that he meant to hurt you, just saying that maybe he felt like you would be the kind of person he would do that to.
i don’t know anymore. everything is making me feel disgusted with myself and like i am stuck in the body of my child self again.
It is sad to hear and I think there is a lot to uncover there.
Overall, taking a look at everything, there are some common themes going on here.  Throughout everything you talk about positions where you are being deprived emotionally, taken advantage of and used, and there seems to be a power dynamic involved in many of the situations.
What you are talking about here tells me that I think it may be time to look into some therapy and self help books.  I know that might not be the end all solution you were looking for, but you’re describing a complex problem that is affecting your relationships in many ways and it’s something that has been going on for a while.  Instead of a solution, I think it is better to think of this as a goal “to stop dating jerk guys”.  That is all you need to do in reality, but because that takes time, it’s better to think of it as a goal.  Doing therapy, reading books/learning, and doing self discovery will help you achieve that goal.
With COVID going around, you can always do therapy over the phone or over internet.  I myself do this as a patient and it works just the same. Therapy doesn’t always cost money, if you reach out to a local college with an established psychology department, you will find students in training and they offer free sessions.  If you have some money for therapy, then you can look at psychology today to find a therapist in your area.
As for self help books I recommend reading “Dating Radar: Why Your Brain Says Yes to "The One" Who Will Make Your Life Hell“ by Bill Eddy.  I haven’t read the book myself yet (admittedly), but I have read a few of his articles and they are very good.  He talks about things like spotting the person who is going to end up being a jerk, before you get to invested which is an important first step. 
I also recommend taking a break from dating.  This will give you an opportunity to look inwards without the distractions from these guys.  It will especially prevent the allure of men filling that emotional gap.  In reality, you are the only who can fill it and you need to accomplish that before you can start seeing other people.  Otherwise we can get situations like you’ve described.
These guys may make you feel like you aren’t good enough, but as we’ve pointed out, they are the ones who are not good enough; And you know these men are no good for you and you know these men are holding your emotions hostage. At the core of you, there is a person that wants out; that wants individuality back, that wants your power, your control, your say, and your satisfaction, and wants genuine love.  It may take some time, but I think you can achieve it.  The important thing to keep in mind through all of this is that you are good enough.  
Wishing you the best and feel free to write in again if you have more questions.
Posted May 10, 2020
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solsarin · 4 years ago
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how to find percentage of water in fruits and vegetables
how to find percentage of water in fruits and vegetables
Hello dear friends, thank you for choosing us. In this post on the solsarin site, we will talk about “  how to find percentage of water in fruits and vegetables“. Stay with us. Thank you for your choice.
Percentage of Water in Fruits
According to the USDA, a whole host of different fruits have very high water content.
If you’ve ever enjoyed a wedge of fresh watermelon, you’re familiar with its refreshing juiciness, which is due to its water content. This fruit is No. 1 in water content. Other fruits that are more than 90 percent water include strawberries, grapefruit and cantaloupe.
Peaches, Asian pears, blackberries, papaya, nectarines, plums, oranges, apricots, pineapple, raspberries, apples, blueberries and mangos are all more than 80 percent water.
Include These High-Water Vegetables
A variety of vegetables have a composition that’s 89 percent water or more, according to the USDA.
These include lettuce, celery, bok choy, radishes, cucumber, zucchini, watercress, tomatoes, green bell peppers, asparagus, portabella mushrooms, Swiss chard, okra, cabbage, cauliflower, broccoli and spinach.
High Water, Low Calories
In addition to replenishing your body’s fluids, the water in fruits and vegetables contributes one of two factors that make them such good choices for weight management. Water and fiber add bulk, yet don’t contain calories.
A higher percentage of both results in foods with fewer calories per portion. In other words, you won’t consume too many calories when you eat a normal — and filling — portion.
According to the Mayo Clinic, foods with high water content have lower energy density, meaning you can eat larger amounts of them while consuming fewer calories. The ability to actually eat a satisfying amount of healthy food while losing weight, versus limiting portions to restrict calories, facilitates weight loss.
Keep Yourself Hydrated
Not having enough water in your body, a condition called dehydration, can lead to serious health issues.
Symptoms of mild dehydration include dry lips and mouth. Moderate dehydration can lead to dizziness, lightheadedness, headache, reduced urine output, fatigue and muscle weakness or cramping. In severe cases, dehydration can lead to irritability, confusion, lack of sweating, rapid heart rate, fast breathing, cold hands, fever, blue lips and little to no urine output.
​Read more:​ The Consequences of a Lack of Water
Meet Your Water Requirements
Electrolytes, such as sodium and potassium, must dissolve in water before they can trigger muscle contractions and nerve impulses, according to the Mayo Clinic. Water helps regulate body temperature, protects your brain, cushions joints, transports nutrients and impacts blood volume.
The amount of water you need to consume changes depending on your activity level, the temperature and whether you’re losing excess water through sweat or urine. Under normal circumstances, women need 2.7 liters, and men should consume 3.7 liters of water daily, according to the National Academies for Sciences. This recommended intake includes the water you get from foods.
This Is the Weight-Loss Program That Actually Worked for LIVESTRONG.com Readers Across the Country
You’ve heard it a hundred times: Anything that sounds too good to be true when it comes to weight loss probably is. But when every weight-loss program out there promises undeniable results, how do you know which ones are legit and which ones are just marketing spin?
The key is looking at people’s real-life experiences, which is why we asked LIVESTRONG.com readers across the Unites States to share the weight-loss approach that worked for them.
One standout? Noom, the psychology-based weight-loss program that emphasizes adjusting habits to help people lose weight and keep it off. Keep reading to hear what three LIVESTRONG.com readers had to say about how this weight-loss approach fit into their lifestyles.
Michele Giannini | Clinton Township, New Jersey
Working long hours in an office environment for over 20 years and having two children, my weight had crept up.
I’d get really into a program and inevitably get injured. I had a high-stress job and life in general, and I noticed a year or two ago that even my workouts made me feel more stressed. I would get stronger and more fit, but generally not lose weight. Nothing ever felt right long-term. Nothing seemed sustainable.
In February, I saw an ad online for a free trial for Noom. I loved it right off the bat and signed up for a membership. I set my goal at 135 pounds, which was about 22 pounds from where I started. Once I reached that goal, I set another five-pound goal. In total, I’ve lost about 28 pounds, and my lifetime goal is to maintain within five pounds of my current weight.
The major
The major difference for me was the psychology behind Noom. The articles I’d read daily and the quizzes and self-assessments taught me so much. My thoughts completely changed regarding food and exercise. I learned why I ate the things I ate, and when, and how much. And because I am more concerned with movement over exercise, I’m enjoying walks and other gentler exercises that alleviate my stress rather than add to it. I feel so strong and healthy and I’ve never received so many compliments. The impact has truly been immeasurable, and I love how I’m now able to inspire others.
Nolan Carlson | West Fargo, North Dakota
I’ve tried a number of different diets, but ultimately they’ve resulted in short-term progress. I was looking for an app-based program so I always had it with me, and when I saw the commercial for Noom I thought I’d give it a try. I’ve been using it for about two months now, and I’ve lost 10 pounds.
Noom is different from other diets I’ve tried because it uses a plan based on caloric density. It doesn’t eliminate foods from your diet, but instead educates you on why certain choices are more beneficial for you than others. Noom also gets into the psychology and physiology of dieting and cravings — why your body signals you to eat at certain times, and why you feel urges to binge or grab something salty or sweet. Every day has reading lessons to help you make smarter choices, and you have the opportunity to share with a personal coach or a group.
Some of my favorite things about the Noom program are the daily weigh-ins, logging my food and the fact that I can still eat a wide variety of foods without starving myself or being on a non-sustainable diet.
The program works, but it still requires discipline. That’s the key to any diet. Any diet is only as good as the person willing to follow it. Much of my lack of progress is a result of me ignoring the lessons Noom has shared.
Random Posts
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how many percentage of pure water is on earth
Loretta Flynn | Warrenton, Virginia
I’ve been trying to lose 10 pounds all my life, with limited success. I was looking at weight-loss programs on the internet when COVID-19 first hit in March, and when Noom popped up, it said that they were giving free memberships because they didn’t want anyone who was struggling to not have a resource that could help them. Since many people didn’t have an income at that time, I thought that was really big of them to do. So I signed up and paid the fee as a donation.
fruit
In botany, a fruit is the seed-bearing structure in flowering plants that is formed from the ovary after flowering.
Fruits are the means by which flowering plants (also known as angiosperms) disseminate their seeds. Edible fruits in particular have long propagated using the movements of humans and animals in a symbiotic relationship that is the means for seed dispersal for the one group and nutrition for the other; in fact, humans and many animals have become dependent on fruits as a source of food.[1] Consequently, fruits account for a substantial fraction of the world’s agricultural output, and some (such as the apple and the pomegranate) have acquired extensive cultural and symbolic meanings.
resource: wikipedia
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teejdunc · 4 years ago
Text
The Quarter Life Crisis
Well I don't really know what I'm doing so bare with me. 
24 has been a HARD year. If you know me, you know that this year was by far the toughest year of my life. In fact, I actually think I cried more this year than I have all of the other years combined (go ahead and laugh). 
MARCH
CORONA VIRRRRRRUSSS...
I should actually start with the dreaded break up.. or let go, I should say. We had been broken up but had been on and off in private. I had been hanging on to something I knew was not only bad for me but was never going to work. I had poured my heart into someone who was never going to pour back into me. My heart had never experience so much pain. No matter what I did or where I went, there was a piece of us there. It was a passing pick up, a song on the radio or just the smell in the air. I was frozen in time and I wasn’t getting over it.. I couldn’t eat, I couldn't sleep, I had no interest in any of the things that used to bring me happiness. Most every night for close to 3 months I cried myself to sleep. I didn’t feel like Taylor anymore, I was a stranger living in my own body. 
Tumblr media
We’ll call this part of 24,  “sad girl hours”.
Fast forward to summer...
JULY
In July, my dad was consistently having chest pain. We found out he had severe blockage and would need to have surgery. After hours at the doctor’s they sent him home with nitro incase he had a heart-attack before scheduled surgery. I had been out with my friends that night but I was in bed early and I just remember hearing my moms footsteps running down the hallway, I already knew. 
I remember frantically asking what I needed to do and just feeling my whole head rush, like everything around me was spinning and I was helpless. We got dad to the car and mom rushed him to the ER. I called two of my closest friends and they met me at the ER. When I pulled up they were already sitting there waiting. I got into the pick up and I lost all composure I was balling like a baby. It didn't take them long to wrap me up and tell me that they were here for me and that things were going to be okay.
Due to COVID, we were not allowed to enter the hospital so we went home. (the story might be altered a little here... if you know the whole night’s story please keep it to yourself).
I think it was around 4:30 when I finally made it back to my parents house and I was so exhausted but I couldn’t sleep. I sat in the living room wide awake, absolutely terrified for what tomorrow was going to bring.
Dad entered into surgery and had some complications and had to be in ICU for close to a month.  I remember getting a call from mom and I was in sheer panic. I just kept thinking “HOW CAN THIS BE HAPPENING TO ME? Why did it have to be MY dad?” I was so angry and hurt inside. I drove to the First Baptist parking lot and I sat there and I prayed and I told God that if he could heal my dad I wouldn’t ever ask for anything again. I remember just feeling so lost and helpless.
I was trying to do the best I could to stay strong for mom. I did what I could at the house and tried to convince myself it was enough.
In all of the chaos my mom stood strong and never waivered, just like an oak tree. They don’t tell you that seeing your parents hurt, hurts you more than physically being hurt. I wouldn’t wish this kind of hurt on my worst enemy.
After a LONG road and what has felt like a million days.. dad is doing so much better. PRAISE THE LORD!!
I realized in all of this that I was never alone. I didn't make it through this by myself. I had my friends surrounding me and supporting me in the ways they knew how. For some it was a text, a phone call, or showing up just to drive around so that I wasn’t alone.
If you were one of these people, you know who you are...  
From the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU. 
AUGUST
My grandpa had a heart attack.
SEPTEMBER
I started a new job teaching kindergarten at a new school with a new team.
Kinder is CRaZY!!
God sure knew what he was doing when he placed me at HP. I needed the spark for teaching to be re-lit within me. My team is wonderful and I feel like I finally found “my place”.
OCTOBER
One of my friends took his own life.
In October, I had a conversation with my old ag teacher who had called to let me know he had cancer. He told me he was so proud of me and we laughed about the things some of my friends and I did in class. I sat there and talked on the phone with him and couldn't help but drown in the thoughts that this man who had made HUGE impacts in not only my life but THOUSANDS of others, was sick. 
I just kept asking myself “Why is everyone I love hurting? Why is God doing this to me?”
THE BIG “D” and the semi colon...
I got a tattoo on my wrist (sorry mom) as a daily reminder.
Tumblr media
The tattoo reads “ ; hold on”
I would have never wanted something so “socially embarrassing” on my body a year ago.
It’s not embarrassing anymore... depression is a REAL thing and suicide is REAL.
I laid in the floor several nights during the summer and wondered if things were ever going to feel “normal” again.
Don’t worry... nothing last forever. Not even your sadness!
But I needed a visable reminder, on my body, where I could remind myself every. single. day.
The semi colon symbolizes the place where the author had the chance to stop, but merely paused. This is used as the symbol for suicide and depression awareness. The words hold on have many meanings for me.
Hold onto faith
Hold onto love
Hold onto the people who get you through
Hold onto self worth
Hold on... because better days are coming!
NOVEMBER
In November, my ag teacher passed away. I took off work to make the funeral but I got sick and I had to stay in Amarillo. I had taken two days off, but decided to go back since I was feeling better. I was on lunch break when I got on my phone to look at Facebook when I saw that one of my friends had been in a car accident and had passed away. 
WHY WERE BAD THINGS HAPPENING TO GOOD PEOPLE? 
I couldn’t make rash of anything in my life and I was, without a doubt angry at God.
I hit a LOW point in my life. 
No amount of “I’m fine” was going to cover this up.
I really was lost as to how to get back to myself...
I went home for Thanksgiving break and well that was a disaster, I’ll leave it at that. 
DECEMBER
I returned to work for the final weeks before Christmas break. I spent most of the days corralling Kindergarteners and wishing the days would pass faster.
Finally... CHRISTMAS BREAK.
I went home and found something I had been needing.
I got to hug my parents for the first time since JULY!  ( yeah yeah, I’m still a little kid at heart)
I was able to rekindle a friendship with someone who I had gone separate ways from. Little did I know this was going to be the BEST thing to happen to me. We spent several days hanging out, singing at the tops of our lungs, laughing and making up for lost time. It was like we never missed a beat, we picked right back up where we had left off.
I am not certain of a lot, but I do know that God doesn’t make mistakes. 
I needed this friendship and she did too.  
I also needed my “Picture to Burn” singing partner back in my life and that's just what I got!
PS, you know who you are. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! 
JANUARY
Still CORONA VIRUS...
January I saw the neurologist. The doctors thought I had narcolepsy and that it was what was causing my excessive sleepiness and seizures.
I had to go to the hospital and have an MRI and an EEG to see if they could figure out what was going on.
LET ME TELL YOU I AM TERRIFIED OF SMALL SPACES... that brain MRI was enough trauma for me for a lifetime! 
NOT MY CUP OF TEA, LOL.
FEBRUARY
I got my results back from the MRI and the EEG, everything was CLEAR. PRAISE JESUS!
I will still have to have a sleep study done but hey... a sleep disorder is way better than what we originally thought! 
THE END OF 24
I turn 25 in 12 days... not quite sure I’m ready to accept that my twenties are halfway over.
24 WAS A LEARNING YEAR, the good and the bad.
I have learned a lot about myself. I am strong. I am independent. I am capable. I am loved. I am important. I make a difference. EVEN on the days I don’t feel that way. 
I have friends and family who would move mountains for me. 
I have a GOD who is unstoppable and faithful to his promises.
I have weathered the storms I thought I couldn’t and came out stronger.
I have doubted God in many moments of my life but I am certain that his plan is FAR greater than I could ever imagine.
So while 24 may have bruised and battered me, it did not break me.
CHEERS TO 25 YEARS, my friends.
Isaiah 43:2
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.
Psalm 34:17-20
When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. He keeps all his bones; not one of them is broken.
0 notes
financialinvestingradio · 4 years ago
Text
FIR 86: The SECRET to being a SUCCESSFUL BUSINESS OWNER !!!
The small business owner said, "Grant, I am working twice as hard and earning half as much...what can I do???"
Okay, so I have an opportunity to talk with quite a few small to medium as well as large actually business owners last week. I was talking with a small business owner, I think he's got about five people in his company. And he made a statement. We were talking about the current context around COVID, and the impact of small, small and medium businesses. And he said, Hey, basically, I'm working twice as hard and earning half as much in the current in the current current context with COVID. It made me think about all of the things that it takes to become a successful business owner, a successful entrepreneur, especially during COVID. Right? Is there a set of things that are most meaningful? I started looking at different polls, what different research groups have talked about this one I found was on inc.com. They had done this, this research where they had found that, hey, as an entrepreneur, you're going to have to work hard or you're going to have to do more. And in fact, you got a disadvantage against you right? The cards are a bit stacked against because your larger competitor likely has more resources, you know, focusing on the same task as us. So one of the things you got to do is actually put more effort in if you want to succeed as a small medium business owner. So they came up with this list of items. And the first one they said was, Hey, quit talking about plans so much and just focus more on getting things done. And that's true. You see a lot of just talked about laying, let's just go do something rather than actually getting stuff accomplished. The other is stop being busy. And the thing about the buisiness is, yes, I might go do some work, and it looks like I'm accomplishing things. But if I change my focus to outcome based, right, I'm looking at what are the effects or the results of my activity, it's not the business that wins the award, but rather the the outcomes of that. The third thing they mentioned was be available, especially around the customers right be really available. It's certainly available to your teammates and of course to customers as well. The fourth thing they said that was really helpful for being successful as a small medium business owner was one more rep right? That's kind of got a workout sort of mentality, right? you're lifting weights and you just want one more rep but the mental mentally you gotta be strong enough to say, I gotta go through one more effort one more iteration, until I'm really satisfied with the quality and and what it is we're producing. Another was go to sleep with a plan and wake up with a purpose.
I love the way they said that. In particular, what they're saying is try not to go to bed without having some form, have a plan for the next day. That way then when you wake up, you end up having a little more organization and structure to your thoughts as you move forward in the day. I love the saying that says you know, an ounce of mourning is worth a pound of afternoon. And so boy if you can wake up feeling like you have some plan purpose already, then those fresh energies and that high level acuity in the morning can really be beneficial for us as a small medium business owner, create a winning routine was the next thing they pointed out. You know, recently, I was listening to one of those interviews of Jeff Bezos, you know, the CEO of Amazon. And interestingly, he was talking about his morning routine, which is rather slow paced. I think the word he used was putter he likes to putter around. And he takes opportunity for him to just have unstructured time where you can do some free thinking, whatever your routine is, come up with that find that routine. And then and then stick with that. The last thing this particular research pointed out was follow every setback with good with the word good. This one was interesting. It was basically how do you take something that's negative or bad, but try to turn it into a positive statement because there'll be plenty of negative things no doubt. So for example, let's say if I'm talking And if it's time for a workout, how do I translate that into something good? Well, the way they suggest it is Hey, good, I'm work. If I could say it, good, let's work out because I'm tired. I actually think this came from Jocko, who was a Navy SEAL who turned author and podcaster. That's where that tip actually comes from. Sounds like a navy seal, right?
Boy talking about being mentally tough for sure. Alright, so as I continued my search, you know, I was I think in about the conversation I had with that small business owner, where he said he's working twice as hard and getting half as much. I looked into another group, and this is on score.org. They were talking about how hard small business owners have to work right. So the first thing in terms of how do we be successful, come up with a good routine, come up with you know how to change our mental model when something bad happens, go to bed with a plan, you know, be available focus on outcomes and so forth. In this second piece, they had some interesting things around, you just got to be able to work hard and decide to work hard as a small business owner. In fact, in one report, one survey that they'd found out of the New York enterprise report said that business owners ended up working twice as much as regular employees, which is kind of interesting, because lots of times we equate, you know, coming into our own small business as here's our step to freedom, when in fact, sometimes what we're not maybe mentally prepared for is, Hey, I'm going to be working a heck of a lot more. Certainly, that's not news to anyone.
But mentally we have to step up to it and own that when we decide, hey, I'm going to go do my own business, in fact, found that one Gallup poll found that 39% of business owners worked over 60 hours a week. Obviously, as we talked about earlier, it's not just about the hours but the effectiveness of them just being busy isn't necessarily right at the end. have success, of course. But they did talk about how important it is to find work life balance in that 44%. It said of small business owners take 16 vacation days or more each year. And then 26% took 11 to 15 days of vacation each year. Well, that's certainly good to know that even the small business owners are able to do that. That's that's promising news, no doubt. But despite all that, you know, lots of times when you hear about millennials, people will really give them sort of negative connotation right? We'll say, hey, Millennials are slackers, but turns out that almost 90% in a Bentley University study 90% almost is 89% that were millennials said that they regularly check into their work after work hours, right, which and that that's an amazing study. And so it turns out, the good news is millennials you're cut out to be busy. This owners, right you're figuring out a you can take time off. But you also know that you got to come in and put in that extra effort as well. So not to not not to belabor that. But I do think that we can find that balance right between how to work hard and how to have some time off so you can mentally and emotionally refreshed. That's that's a critical, critical juncture, critical capability.
In fact, as I was looking into it, I reviewed this study from this guy by the name of Dr. Michael Gershon. He's the author of a book called The second brain, and he's the chairman of the Department of anatomy and cell biology. That's a big long title at Columbia University. What it was he I thought he proposed a very interesting question. He said, What would happen if everyone in the world got twice as smart, because everything so far that I've been talking about as well got to work hard Obviously, we got to work smart to, certainly we need to improve, you know, our efficiency in our work, etc. But we got to work smarter as well. So one of the things that he, he suggested here, just reading off a few of his items, he said, Look, eat a plant based diet, veggies are really good for you. The other was do focusing exercises, cut out sugar, meditate at least 20 minutes a day, trust your gut when you make a decision. In fact, he goes so far as to say, view your body and your mind as a whole system, which lets make sense. All right. So here is what we've talked about. Like we're going to be successful as small business owners during COVID. And even after but certainly it's more important now than ever. Got to work hard and got to work smart. And as part of that find work life balance. Figure out your winning routine. As Bezos and others point out right? Follow every setback up with hay turned it into a good statement. Go to sleep with a plan. One more rep, you can do it be available, stop being busy and rather focus on outcomes and quit talking about planning so much just go go get go get the results. Well, you know, one of the things that always comes to the top of my mind, given the my, my focus here is in technology as well.
I also think that working smart means to automate the pieces that we can, we want to of course, leverage the assets that are available to us. And some of those assets are our information, right? It's our data. It's what are the secret things that are hiding inside of our data that can course expose that right? So tell us here's the insights of things we can go improve on in our business. The funny thing about the AI stuff is that when you apply it, you have to continue to go back and apply it again and again. In other words, when you go apply AI and it gives you some insights in your business. Then you Go make changes to improve yourself working to be more efficient with the resources and the assets that you have. In a few months later, she should just go do a quick another run on it. See how the world has changed how your world has changed because you've applied it. So it's a combination of multiple things we need to do or we're going to go run our businesses augmenting all that with let's leverage technology the right way. Hey, my name is Grant. Thanks for joining and until next time, live right.
Thank you for joining Grant on ClickAIRadio.com. Don't forget to subscribe and leave feedback. And remember to download your FREE eBook visit ClickAIRadio.com now.
Check out this episode!
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clickairadio · 4 years ago
Text
CAIR 5: The SECRET to being a SUCCESSFUL BUSINESS OWNER !!!
The small business owner said, "Grant, I am working twice as hard and earning half as much...what can I do???"
Okay, so I have an opportunity to talk with quite a few small to medium as well as large actually business owners last week. I was talking with a small business owner, I think he's got about five people in his company. And he made a statement. We were talking about the current context around COVID, and the impact of small, small and medium businesses. And he said, Hey, basically, I'm working twice as hard and earning half as much in the current in the current current context with COVID. It made me think about all of the things that it takes to become a successful business owner, a successful entrepreneur, especially during COVID. Right? Is there a set of things that are most meaningful? I started looking at different polls, what different research groups have talked about this one I found was on inc.com. They had done this, this research where they had found that, hey, as an entrepreneur, you're going to have to work hard or you're going to have to do more. And in fact, you got a disadvantage against you right? The cards are a bit stacked against because your larger competitor likely has more resources, you know, focusing on the same task as us. So one of the things you got to do is actually put more effort in if you want to succeed as a small medium business owner. So they came up with this list of items. And the first one they said was, Hey, quit talking about plans so much and just focus more on getting things done. And that's true. You see a lot of just talked about laying, let's just go do something rather than actually getting stuff accomplished. The other is stop being busy. And the thing about the buisiness is, yes, I might go do some work, and it looks like I'm accomplishing things. But if I change my focus to outcome based, right, I'm looking at what are the effects or the results of my activity, it's not the business that wins the award, but rather the the outcomes of that. The third thing they mentioned was be available, especially around the customers right be really available. It's certainly available to your teammates and of course to customers as well. The fourth thing they said that was really helpful for being successful as a small medium business owner was one more rep right? That's kind of got a workout sort of mentality, right? you're lifting weights and you just want one more rep but the mental mentally you gotta be strong enough to say, I gotta go through one more effort one more iteration, until I'm really satisfied with the quality and and what it is we're producing. Another was go to sleep with a plan and wake up with a purpose.
I love the way they said that. In particular, what they're saying is try not to go to bed without having some form, have a plan for the next day. That way then when you wake up, you end up having a little more organization and structure to your thoughts as you move forward in the day. I love the saying that says you know, an ounce of mourning is worth a pound of afternoon. And so boy if you can wake up feeling like you have some plan purpose already, then those fresh energies and that high level acuity in the morning can really be beneficial for us as a small medium business owner, create a winning routine was the next thing they pointed out. You know, recently, I was listening to one of those interviews of Jeff Bezos, you know, the CEO of Amazon. And interestingly, he was talking about his morning routine, which is rather slow paced. I think the word he used was putter he likes to putter around. And he takes opportunity for him to just have unstructured time where you can do some free thinking, whatever your routine is, come up with that find that routine. And then and then stick with that. The last thing this particular research pointed out was follow every setback with good with the word good. This one was interesting. It was basically how do you take something that's negative or bad, but try to turn it into a positive statement because there'll be plenty of negative things no doubt. So for example, let's say if I'm talking And if it's time for a workout, how do I translate that into something good? Well, the way they suggest it is Hey, good, I'm work. If I could say it, good, let's work out because I'm tired. I actually think this came from Jocko, who was a Navy SEAL who turned author and podcaster. That's where that tip actually comes from. Sounds like a navy seal, right?
Boy talking about being mentally tough for sure. Alright, so as I continued my search, you know, I was I think in about the conversation I had with that small business owner, where he said he's working twice as hard and getting half as much. I looked into another group, and this is on score.org. They were talking about how hard small business owners have to work right. So the first thing in terms of how do we be successful, come up with a good routine, come up with you know how to change our mental model when something bad happens, go to bed with a plan, you know, be available focus on outcomes and so forth. In this second piece, they had some interesting things around, you just got to be able to work hard and decide to work hard as a small business owner. In fact, in one report, one survey that they'd found out of the New York enterprise report said that business owners ended up working twice as much as regular employees, which is kind of interesting, because lots of times we equate, you know, coming into our own small business as here's our step to freedom, when in fact, sometimes what we're not maybe mentally prepared for is, Hey, I'm going to be working a heck of a lot more. Certainly, that's not news to anyone.
But mentally we have to step up to it and own that when we decide, hey, I'm going to go do my own business, in fact, found that one Gallup poll found that 39% of business owners worked over 60 hours a week. Obviously, as we talked about earlier, it's not just about the hours but the effectiveness of them just being busy isn't necessarily right at the end. have success, of course. But they did talk about how important it is to find work life balance in that 44%. It said of small business owners take 16 vacation days or more each year. And then 26% took 11 to 15 days of vacation each year. Well, that's certainly good to know that even the small business owners are able to do that. That's that's promising news, no doubt. But despite all that, you know, lots of times when you hear about millennials, people will really give them sort of negative connotation right? We'll say, hey, Millennials are slackers, but turns out that almost 90% in a Bentley University study 90% almost is 89% that were millennials said that they regularly check into their work after work hours, right, which and that that's an amazing study. And so it turns out, the good news is millennials you're cut out to be busy. This owners, right you're figuring out a you can take time off. But you also know that you got to come in and put in that extra effort as well. So not to not not to belabor that. But I do think that we can find that balance right between how to work hard and how to have some time off so you can mentally and emotionally refreshed. That's that's a critical, critical juncture, critical capability.
In fact, as I was looking into it, I reviewed this study from this guy by the name of Dr. Michael Gershon. He's the author of a book called The second brain, and he's the chairman of the Department of anatomy and cell biology. That's a big long title at Columbia University. What it was he I thought he proposed a very interesting question. He said, What would happen if everyone in the world got twice as smart, because everything so far that I've been talking about as well got to work hard Obviously, we got to work smart to, certainly we need to improve, you know, our efficiency in our work, etc. But we got to work smarter as well. So one of the things that he, he suggested here, just reading off a few of his items, he said, Look, eat a plant based diet, veggies are really good for you. The other was do focusing exercises, cut out sugar, meditate at least 20 minutes a day, trust your gut when you make a decision. In fact, he goes so far as to say, view your body and your mind as a whole system, which lets make sense. All right. So here is what we've talked about. Like we're going to be successful as small business owners during COVID. And even after but certainly it's more important now than ever. Got to work hard and got to work smart. And as part of that find work life balance. Figure out your winning routine. As Bezos and others point out right? Follow every setback up with hay turned it into a good statement. Go to sleep with a plan. One more rep, you can do it be available, stop being busy and rather focus on outcomes and quit talking about planning so much just go go get go get the results. Well, you know, one of the things that always comes to the top of my mind, given the my, my focus here is in technology as well.
I also think that working smart means to automate the pieces that we can, we want to of course, leverage the assets that are available to us. And some of those assets are our information, right? It's our data. It's what are the secret things that are hiding inside of our data that can course expose that right? So tell us here's the insights of things we can go improve on in our business. The funny thing about the AI stuff is that when you apply it, you have to continue to go back and apply it again and again. In other words, when you go apply AI and it gives you some insights in your business. Then you Go make changes to improve yourself working to be more efficient with the resources and the assets that you have. In a few months later, she should just go do a quick another run on it. See how the world has changed how your world has changed because you've applied it. So it's a combination of multiple things we need to do or we're going to go run our businesses augmenting all that with let's leverage technology the right way. Hey, my name is Grant. Thanks for joining and until next time, live right.
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