#braces were one of the worst things that ever happened to me and i'd managed to have keep them in immaculate shape too.

[therevengeoffrankenstein]

kinda wish i woulda known that peepee dubya had braces too when i actually had them 😭

[storiesforallfandoms]

i need someone older ~ william afton;five nights at freddy's

word count: 3794

request?: no

description: after a bad breakup, she finds herself becoming more and more attracted to her much older boss

pairing: william afton x female!reader

warnings: swearing, age gap (reader is mid 20s, afton is 50s), power imbalance technically (but it's fine), bit of an au (so he doesn't unalive anyone in this one)

masterlist (one, two, three)

I stormed into work, really pushing it for time. I had slept past my alarm and was incredibly reluctant to get out of bed. After the night I had, the last thing I wanted was to work eight hours in a children's restaurant, with screaming kids and the animatronics playing the same three songs all day. But I needed the money, and hopefully a distraction.

"Whoa, who pissed in your Cheerios this morning?" my coworker, Adam, asked.

"Fuck off," I muttered. "I gotta go change into my uniform. Can you punch me in so I'm not late?"

"Yeah. Be quick, though. Afton's here."

I rolled my eyes. "He doesn't even know our names. He's not going to know I'm supposed to be on the clock."

I changed as quickly as I could while having limited space in a tiny bathroom stall. I stuffed my clothes into my backpack and did a quick double check in the mirror to make sure I was work appropriate. I wasn't paying enough attention as I stepped out of the bathroom and managed to literally run into someone who was walking past. I cursed under my breath as I looked up and came face to face with the fucking owner of Freddy Fazbear's.

As if this day couldn't get any worse.

"|'m so sorry, Mr. Afton," I said.

"Don't worry about it," he said. "Where's the fire, though? You seem like you're in a hurry."

How do I answer this without getting in shit? "I'm just, uh...trying not to be late. I had to change, and bring my bag to my locker."

William looked down at his watch. I felt my heart starting to pound.

"Cutting it a little close there," he commented.

"I know."

My grip on my bag had tightened as I braced for the worst. I had never met William before. Despite owning the restaurant, he was rarely ever around. Whenever he was, he was usually tucked away in his office for most of the day and only ever spoke with our manager. Due to this, I didn't know if he would be a hard ass who was about to write me up for running late. After the events of the previous night, I didn't think I'd be able to take getting reprimanded today.

He took me by surprise when he smiled and said, "Just don't let it happen again, okay?"

I nodded, unable to form any words, and scurried around him to the lockers.

Adam looked at me when I finally returned to the floor. "What took you so long?"

"I ran into Afton," I responded.

His eyes widened. "Did he give you shit?"

"Luckily no. Just told me not to let it happen again."

"I warned you that he was here."

I flipped Adam off when I was sure none of the kids could see me.

As if my day couldn't get any worse, my manager came to tell me that I was stationed on the prize counter for the day. The prize counter was probably the worst part of the restaurant. There was never any downtime at the counter. Either there was rowdy children hopped up on candy and pizza screaming about wanting toys they didn't have enough tickets for, or there were tired parents wanting to buy tokens for the arcade games while their rowdy kids were nearby screaming. Not to mention it was right next to the main stage, so the sound of screaming children was only matched by the sound of pre-recorded music coming from the animatronics' speakers. And to top it all off, the closing duties for the prize counter took longer than any other section of the restaurant.

It was the worst section to work, and I already wanted to leave just knowing that was my station for the day.

The only plus side was that being kept busy made the day fly by. But the usual craziness of Freddy Fazbear's was extra unbearable to a point where I felt myself on the edge of tears numerous times. I knew it was going to be a bad idea for me to be at work, and I was really regretting coming in.

I let out a sigh of relief as the last family finally left and the animatronics finally powered down. Adam laughed at me as I put my head down on the cool glass that held the prizes. "You're giving yourself more work to do."

I looked at the smudge I had left on the glass before glaring up at him. "I don't think my one smudge is making things any worse."

"Okay seriously, what is up with you? You've been grumpy all day."

I sighed and shook my head. "I had a bad night."

"Do you want me to help you close up so you can get out of here sooner?"

I gave him a look. "We both know you don't actually want that."

"But I'd do it to help you."

"I appreciate it, but I'll be fine. My annoyance and desire to leave will make me work faster."

Adam didn't fight me on it anymore. He said goodnight and clocked out. Once I heard the front door close and lock, I immediately got to work with cleaning. That was the easiest part as all I had to do was clean the glass of the prize case and pick up the discarded tickets from the floor. When I finished that, I started counting the cash in order to close it off. That was supposed to be another easy task, but my mind being anywhere but the task at hand made it so much harder.

Restocking the prizes was the hardest part. I had been on my own for nearly an hour, and I was both mentally and physically exhausted, so I was trying to rush out of there but found myself fumbling a little extra. I was trying to dump a box of tiny soldier toys into their respective bin when the box slipped from my hands and landed on its side, the toys scattering all over the floor.

It was my breaking point. Everything finally came crashing down around me and the flood gates finally opened. I lowered myself to the floor, sitting with my back against the counter. I buried my head into my hands and began to sob.

"Seems like a bit of a strong reaction to dropping some toys."

I jumped and looked towards where the voice had come from. I was sure I was the only one left in the restaurant, everyone else having left while I was doing my closing duties. Even my manager had left, giving me the keys and the code to the security system. But, turns out, I was wrong, because there was William Afton leaning over the counter to look down at me.

I quickly scrambled to my feet, wiping the tears from my face. "S-Sorry Mr. Afton. I-I didn't realize - "

"Hey, it's okay," he said, cutting me off and speaking in a soft voice. "What's going on? You seem stressed."

"It's...personal things. I shouldn't have let it interfere with my work."

"Fuck the professional shit for a second here. Forget I'm your boss, forget we're on the clock. If there's anything going on that you want to talk about, I'm all ears."

I leaned against the counter across from him. "It's stupid."

"You're crying, so I don't think it's that stupid."

I sighed. "My boyfriend broke up with me last night, after admitting he's been cheating on me for the last three months."

William whistled in response. "That's tough."

I nodded. "It just...came out of nowhere. We've been together for three years, moved in together last year. There was no signs that anything was wrong. I didn't even suspect that he was cheating. He came home last night and suddenly told me everything. Packed a bag and went to his...I guess...girlfriend's house. Told me he'd be back at some point this week to get his stuff."

Tears were stinging my eyes again. I looked away so William wouldn't see me cry anymore. Upon looking down, I realized my bare arms were on the glass of the prize counter, leaving smudges again. I cursed under my breath and turned to grab the cleaner again.

"Here, let me," William said, reaching for the cleaner. "You pick up the toy soldiers and I'll help restock the prizes once I finish this."

I was a little shocked, but definitely was not about to argue over getting help. We worked much quicker as a team and, finally, I was able to clock out to leave. I stood by as William set the security system and locked the gates.

"Thank you for helping me," I said.

"You don't have to thank me," he said. "It seemed you needed help, and I wasn't about to let one of my employees struggle while I was on the property." I smiled at him and started for my car. "For what it's worth - " I paused and turned back to him. " - your ex-boyfriend is a fucking idiot. You seem like a great woman. Don't beat yourself up over him."

He smiled and turned to walk towards his own car. I watched him go, surprised by what he said. Even through the cold night air, I could feel my face burning.

~~~~~~

William was around more after that. Not just in his office, but he was actually out on the floor. Everyone was noticing his increased presence, but I found myself noticing it in a different way. Whenever William was near, my eyes were practically glued to him. I found it difficult to concentrate whenever he was around. Luckily, everyone else was so distracted by his presence that they didn't notice how useless I had become.

It was wrong. I knew that. Having a crush on a coworker was bad enough, but a crush on your boss was a whole other level of bad. Especially when your boss is so much older. I had no idea whether or not he was even married or had kids for God's sake!

But every time I saw him, I couldn't stop my heart from racing. I wanted him in a way I knew I shouldn't, but I couldn't stop myself.

During one of my shifts, I was put on the serving section. Serving was easy enough - take orders, bring food, check on tables. The hardest part was trying not to trip over a child running past while carrying a whole pizza on a hot tray. Most of us had learned the art of scanning the area before we walked, but sometimes you just don't notice quick enough and end up surprised by one of those little fuckers.

One of the cooks passed a pizza through the pass to me and told me the table number. I took the tray and balanced it against my shoulder, something I found was the easiest way to balance the bigger trays. The restaurant wasn't too busy, but there were still enough kids running around that I took in my surroundings before I started to walk. I was making a mental note about two kids who were stood by the stage, dancing to the song that Freddy was "singing", and didn't notice another kid who was racing from one of the playrooms in front of me. I stopped suddenly, just short of running into him, but found myself losing my balance after he ran past.

I felt two hands grab hold of my waist, holding me upright and saving me from a very embarrassing scene. When I turned to thank my savior, I came to face the blue eyes I had been trying to desperately to avoid today.

"That could've been a disaster," William said, a hint of a smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

"Th-thank you," I managed to stutter out. I could still feel the heat of his hands against my waist, like they were burning through the clothes and searing my skin. I almost forgot the heavy tray of pizza I was carrying in that moment.

When he let me go, his eyes still trained on me, I quickly turned and hurried to my table. I tried not to seem so flustered, but I knew I had failed. I stuttered through every sentence before finally dismissing myself to the prize counter where one of my other coworkers, Beth, was snickering to herself.

"What was that about?" she asked.

"Don't ask," I responded.

"Oh, I'm asking. Are you all hot and bothered for Afton?!"

"Shh!" I snapped, looking over my shoulder to make sure no one had heard. Not like anyone would over the usual noise of the restaurant.

"Oh, you so are!" she said. "Holy shit, (Y/N), you know that's bad news right? He's literally our boss."

"I know he is. I'm not stupid. But...I can't help it!"

"At least he would be more of a gentleman than that small dick asshole you call your ex." She looked over her shoulder as the front door to the pizzeria opened. When she looked back, her eyes were wide. "Speak of the devil."

I looked over to see none other than the small dick asshole himself, Josh, walking in. I wished I could disappear into the floor and never be seen again. I tried to turn and walk away before he spotted me, but no luck.

"(Y/N)!"

I groaned and turned back to him. "What do you want, Josh?"

"I was just over getting the last of my stuff - "

"Awesome, I do not care. If you've come to give me your key back, you could've just left it on the dining room table."

"No, I came to say that I couldn't find my Springsteen album."

I furrowed my eyebrows and crossed my arms. "So you came all this way to...what? Ask me what I did with it? I have no idea, Josh, I threw everything that was yours into boxes and garbage bags. If it's not in there, you might've left it in your car or at your new girlfriend's house."

"It's not any of those places." I wasn't sure if I should've been hurt about the fact that he wasn't addressing my last comment directly, but I definitely was a little bit.

"What do you want me to do about it?"

"I wanted to see when you were going to be off work and maybe I could come by to look for it with you."

I scoffed. "Are you serious right now? Josh, I don't know what the fuck happened to your album, but you're sure as hell not coming over to the house. That is not your place anymore, and you're very much not welcome there."

"Why can't we be adults about this?"

"You lost the right to being adult about this the second you decided to cheat on me! And how dare you say that shit, but then come down to my place of work to try and, what, harass me into letting you back into my home? We're over, Josh. I don't ever want to see you again. If I find any of your shit left at the house, I'll drop it in the trash."

"What seems to be the problem here?"

I suppressed the urge to groan again. As if things couldn't get any more complicated.

"No problem, Mr. Afton," I said, turning to face William with the best, innocent smile I could muster. "Just an...unwelcome guest."

William looked at me for a moment before letting his eyes wander to Josh. I didn't have to say much else for him to recognize who the "unwelcome guest" was and I could see anger in his eyes.

"Well, time to get back to work, (Y/N)," he said to me. "Your customers are waiting."

I nodded and ducked away from the situation. As I walked away, Josh called after me, "That's fine, I'll be waiting for you to get off! We can talk more then!"

"Like hell you will."

A collective gasp from the parents and Beth cause me to spin around to see William had grabbed hold of the collar of Josh's shirt. William was easily a head taller than Josh, so even if the act wasn't meant to be intimidating, he definitely looked intimidating. I don't think I've ever seen such fear on Josh's face. William turned Josh around and basically dragged him towards the front door.

"If I see you back here, I will have your ass arrested," he said as he threw Josh out of the restaurant. "Are we clear, punk?"

He didn't wait for a response as he pulled the door shut. I could see Josh standing there, a mixture of fear and confusion on his face. William re-entered the main area, still looking angry, but tried to put on his best customer service smile as he addressed his new crowd. "Sorry everyone. Just an unruly customer. Sorry for any trouble."

To me he added, "Come see me in my office, please."

Beth and I exchanged a look before I followed William towards his office. I was so sure he was going to get upset with me. Not only had I brought my personal shit to the restaurant (even though that wasn't my fault), but it had also resulted in a not so great scene in front of the customers. People get to talking, and I was sure that this story was going to be spread through town before the night was out.

The moment I stepped into his office, I set in on the apologies. "Mr. Afton, I'm so sorry about that. I had no idea he was coming. I've been trying to avoid him while he's moving his stuff out and I guess he was getting tired of that or wanted to poke me one last time or something - "

"Did he hurt you?"

I paused my rambling to look up at him. All anger was gone from his face and had instead been replaced by concern.

"What?" I asked.

"Did he do anything to you just then?"

I shrugged. "Not physically. He was definitely still trying to mess with me mentally, though."

William nodded. "Well, he's not welcome on the property anymore. If you see him, you have my full permission to contact the police immediately."

"I...I don't think that's entirely necessary."

"I don't mean to sound like an old man or anything, but I've met plenty of assholes like your ex, (Y/N). You give them an inch and they take a mile. If you don't deal with this now, he will continue to come back and harass you. I don't want that for you. You don't deserve that."

I opened my mouth to say something else, but nothing came out. I was realizing how close we were now. We were mere inches away from one another. If I wanted to, I could just reach out and touch him right now; grab him. I could've kissed him right then and there if I really wanted to. Who would've known?

As if reading my mind, William suddenly reached out and cupped my face. Before I could comprehend what was happening, his lips were on mine. It was kind of ironic, the fact that I had just been thinking about doing this exact thing, but now that it was happening it was like my brain wasn't sure how to comprehend the situation.

William pulled away just as quickly as he had initiated the kiss. He backed away from me, suddenly worried. "I'm so sorry. I...I don't know what came over me. I shouldn't have done that."

In response, I pretty well threw myself at him. I wrapped my arms around him and kissed him with such force that it pushed him back into his desk. He positioned himself so that he was sat on his desk and basically pulled me into his lap. It was risky, anyone could've come by and caught us, but something about that just made the experience so much better; so much hotter.

William pulled away first again. I tried to chase his lips with mine, but he pushed me back, chuckling at my eagerness.

"Hold on," he said. "There's some things we have to discuss before this goes any further."

"Please don't tell me you're married," I said.

He laughed. "No, I'm not married. Divorced with a 10 year old daughter. That was the first thing I wanted to discuss, in case single dad is a dealbreaker."

"Very much not a dealbreaker."

"So...the age thing is also not a dealbreaker then?"

I shook my head. "If anything, I think that makes it kinda hotter."

A grin spread on his face. "Okay, I'll keep that in mind. But there is the big issue of the fact that I'm your boss."

It felt like I had been shoved off of cloud nine and come crashing down to earth. For a moment, I had forgotten that part. He was right, that was the biggest issue here. Kind of hard to get around it unless I ended up quitting, which I really did not want to do. It was nearly impossible to find a good paying job these days, and I needed this now more than ever since Josh wasn't going to be splitting rent with me anymore.

I climbed off of William's lap and stood across from him. "I guess...that is a big issue, huh?"

"I just don't want you to feel pressured into anything, and I don't want anyone to look at you any different because you're dating the boss."

I raised a playful eyebrow at him. "You jumped to dating pretty quickly there."

His smile was a little more bashful. "What can I say? I'm old school. I don't believe in hooking up or anything like that. If there's anything going on here, I want you to be able to classify it as a relationship."

In that moment, I found myself wondering why I hadn't always dated older men. I had wasted so much of my time on guys my age when I could've been dating someone who was actually a gentleman and cared about me and my feelings.

"Why don't we see where things go with this, and then we can tackle that big elephant in the room?" I asked.

"I think I can agree to that."

I took a step closer and said, "I really want to kiss you again, though."

He laughed and met me halfway, standing from his desk and taking my face in his hands again. When he kissed me, I felt like I was flying right back on to cloud nine.

[pigeonwhumps]

Belt

Bug and Company masterlist

AMOW Winter Whumperland: day 10

Tio de Nadal | Conditioning | Left to Die | Holiday Traditions

Taglist: @littlespacecastle @flowersarefreetherapy @whumplr-reader @whumpinggrounds @painful-pooch @i-eat-worlds @a-funeral-romance @rainydaywhump

Brett accidentally triggers Charlie.

(Charlie is briefly introduced as 726E here.)

CWs: BBU, pet whump, carewhumper, brief mention of animalisation, dehumanisation, self-dehumanisation, non-sexual partial nudity, forced to participate in punishment, mentions of severe past abuse talked about as punishments, mentions of people being hired out, conditioned whumpee

"Ah! I remember! Of course, that's what I need!"

Brett snaps his fingers in excitement. Of course, how could he have forgotten that? He must've managed to keep Charlie's celebration so secret he forgot about it himself.

He's feeling so pleased with himself that it's a minute before he notices what he's automatically taken. It's Charlie's belt, folded neatly in his outstretched hand.

He hears the rustling of fabric and turns.

It's like it's happening in slow motion. Brett watches, horrified, as Charlie pulls off his t-shirt, drops his trousers, and leans on – no, braces himself against – the wall.

Brett can't move for what feels like hours. Most of his beloved pet's behaviour was conditioned by his previous owners, not the training centre, and he dreads finding out what they did to cause this one.

Then he notices the trembling. That snaps him back into action.

"Charlie," he says cautiously, "What are you... no. No. Tell me your previous owners, The Shelter or whatever they call that building, tell me they didn't beat you with your own belt."

Charlie nods slightly, not enough to dislodge his position, and the fact that he's moving so shallowly tells Brett the pet's knees have locked. He needs to get him sat down before things get worse.

"No. I would never do that. Why don't you pull up your trousers, and then we can sit down? I'll help you stay standing, hang on."

He snakes an arm under Charlie's shoulder, and his pet pulls his trousers up slowly before obediently sitting down on the edge of the bed.

Charlie's eyebrows furrow, and then his eyes widen, and Brett knows he's realised that an important conversation is about to happen. If it wasn't, Brett would've helped him into his own soft bed, now more height-adjustable than normal pet beds to help with his legs.

"We need to have a conversation Charlie, which I think you realise. I know this is partly my fault, because Mandy told me not to snap my fingers at you and I forgot, but do you remember what I told you soon after you arrived and recovered, three months ago now?" Charlie nods. "Can you tell me?"

"That you wouldn't hurt me," croaks out Charlie. "That none of my punishments would be physical, and if any of them were too traumatising, to tell you and you'd change it."

"We'd change it," he corrects quietly. He needs Charlie's input for this. He has so many triggers, and some things he physically can't do. Besides, it's a bit of a reminder. "But that's right. So what made you think I would today?"

"You snapped your fingers, sir. And you're my owner, a person, you can change your mind, that's allowed. I'm only a pet, sir, I'd deserve being beaten or whipped or– or whatever you would do if you so desired, sir."

Brett feels sick. Charlie has so many scars, inside and out, and he's willing to receive more.

"Well, I think it bears reiterating that I will never do anything like that to you. The worst punishments you'll ever receive from me will be things like missing dessert or cleaning up and buying a replacement of things you break. Okay? Nothing severe."

"Yes, sir."

Does he believe it? Who knows. Hopefully he will one day.

There's a long silence, before Brett says, quieter again, "I swear to you, Charlie, I will never let anything like that happen to you again." Charlie bites his lip. "Sweetheart?"

"Even if I'm a very bad dog, sir? You said before but– but you won't treat me like a mutt?"

"No. Certainly not the way your previous owners and clients treated you. And I don't want to know the reason you felt like you had to ask or why you phrased it like that, do I?"

"No, sir."

"Okay. How about I fetch you some water and your favourite treat, and then we continue reading the Charlie Bone books? I imagine curled up next to me isn't the most comforting place right now, but you can always lie on your bed."

"Sir?"

Brett shrugs, slightly embarrassed still after an employee commented that he spoils Charlie even more than Mathonwy. "I always give Mathonwy a treat when he's upset, don't I?"

"Yes, sir."

Charlie knows not to talk back too often, but Brett elaborates anyway. "The planning can wait." After all, ice cream cakes aren't hard to make, apparently. He's more than willing to pay Mandy overtime for her help if necessary. "Can you make it to your bed unassisted?"

"Yes, sir."

Brett smiles and ruffles Charlie's hair. "Go on then. I'll be back in a minute."

And finally, finally, he gets a small quirk of the lips out of his beloved pet.

[libraryofwatchers]

Eryn's breathing was quick, his fear was through the roof.

"B-Because I'm just property to be owned- I-I can work to pay off my debt- I-I'll be your slave- I-I'll do anything- I-I swear- I'll fight for you i-I'll win matches in fight rings- I-I'll do your chores- I-I'll do anything commanded o-of me Sir-"

What he said was true, even if he didn't want to believe it. His rights as a player were gone. They have been since he got Tommy off of 2B2T.

"I-If you- if you don't believe that I-I'll do anything y-you tell me to- t-then just tap my shoulder three times- i-i will literally do anything you tell me without question- No hesitation- a-and no memory unless you tell me to remember-! T-To give me control back y-you just do it again- b-but i understand i-if you... you never l-let me sir- Objects aren't players- I-I'm not a player- A-And this server h-has proved that to be true... t-the only one who treated me like a player instead of a dog was d-dream and... and I-I guess it's cause we're the same- we-we're both objects.."

His eyes fell to the blades of the trident as he just stopped moving. He hated that it was true. That he just gave up his own free will like that, even Dream heard it, two people now knew this about him. But... it was his only way to survive right? Was there a point to surviving when you have no free will?

"I-I'm sorry... I'm sorry for saying he's not as bad as you a-all said... I shouldn't have my own thoughts- objects don't- I-I should be punished sir- I-I escaped my owners when Tommy sent the invite a-and i-i thought I'd be safe here- s-safe to try and be a player again and I can't.. Y-You showed me that s-sir.. I-I'm your object to do with what you please- i-if that means killing me t-then i have no objections... I-I don't have a say-"

His voice went quieter as he braced for whatever Sam chose. Either forcing his will away or killing him. He closed his eyes tight scared of what was going to happen but bracing for either one. Either one filled him with fear. Even if he wouldn't remember anything if Sam did the code... he was still terrified.

But the worst fact of all was that command codes, such as what Eryn described being put into player codes was illegal according to the whole of society not just for the server but for all servers.

The fact someone did that, and he managed to escape with this damage... and he was Tommy's age. Hybrid fight rings, slavery, command codes... they were all highly illegal in the terms of everything in the grander minecraft society, and it's not like Eryn would know that. He's only ever known this to be true... that it was just a thing people do.

@err0r-t4ken

Eryn didn't care that Sam told him no. Fuck him, he wanted answers and honestly... He didn't think Dream did anything wrong, I mean why else would they treat him so poorly. So he broke in, under the guise of an invisibility potion. Moving quickly through the prison and activating the panel for the platform all while Sam was distracted by a different thing entirely. Though he didn't think too much about his plan, leaving the lava wall open and upon approaching the platform he drank some milk. Reaching Dream he looked at him. "Hey there- uhm... You probably don't know me but i'm new... to the server... uh... But I've heard about you." (Eryn)

Dream hadn't been expecting a visitor quite yet, it had only been a couple of hours since Quackity last visited. Sure he could've been going twice in one day, Sam was pretty pissed off. But still! He wasn't sure exactly why Sam would let him back this time. His back still ached with invisible gashes, his jumpsuit had been torn apart at the back and frankly he hardly seemed to know what to do, now at least.

He sat up when the platform approached, keeping perfectly still, calm, his hands itched to cover his face with something yet he knew there was nothing to protect it. He was incredibly relieved when he saw the other man, eyes darting over the boy curiously.

"No... We haven't met yet." He paused, "good things I hope?" the joke was purely humorless, he knew they wouldn't be good. He knew no-one out there had good things to say about him.

"What brings you to my humble abode?"

He didn't stand, watching the stranger from the floor, he didn't feel like fighting against the chains, like asserting his dominance, they didn't seem to be preparing to attack him.

It reminded him of Tommy in some funny way.

[cursedfortune]

"You think just because you put your Filthy MORTAL HANDS ON ME that I'd be GRATEFUL to yOu?" The unhinged madman cried, his flesh growing and mutating as agony coursed through his body. Fingers dug into the flesh of his ripping skull on one side whilst decaying purple muck ejected for mortem's body on the other if only just to banish her from him his vacinity. For now.

@sclitarydivinity

It's happening again.

Longer and longer he has come to stay coherent. Moody still? Of course. That has always been okay; the witch would take Zamasu's emotions over his outright violence any day. She tells herself it's okay while he mutates and reminds herself it's progress even if he reverses temporarily. Relapses happen. It's not like he'll suddenly like her or mortals anytime soon. If there was one thing she always excelled at (much to her enemy's dismay) it was playing the long game. It's mainly knowing the pain he'll endure that is the worst of it. She doesn't look at him so agonizingly because she is hurting or is worried about poor results being gained. No, she's empathetic - as if to make up for where he still isn't.

In the beginning she thrived more on his hurt, his anger; because good, mortals and gods alike deserved justice for his actions and she would be the universe's retribution unto him. Now it's of a different flavor after all this time. She came not to destroy but to heal.

...But she has only really ever healed herself.

Wild magic couldn't help him in the way it has others. This wasn't no mere flesh wound despite his physical shape being affected - this was a sickness of the mind, of the soul. Something she knows to be nearly impossible to come back from. And those that do often seldom resemble who they once were.

Lashing out at her like so does not deter her. Mortem lifts her arms to defend herself, skidding back a few feet in the process. With a downward thrust of her limbs she clears away the decaying flesh from herself. Anything else left on her person is ignored, it's not her priority.

"I don't want your gratefulness, Zamasu!" The witch planted her foot firmly; her burning coal eyes seeking his steel - what a beautiful sword they could craft together in a kinder universe.

"I want you! Give me your hurt if you must, it'll only bring these hands closer to your soul. I'll see you restored, godling, and I'll come to know what a smile on your face actually looks like when not caked in my blood!" Her tone and the look on her face may be threatening but the intent she exudes doesn't come with hostility. It comes with a promise. If he cannot hear her he will feel her.

She wants to know his soul, she needs to. This corrupted, twisted being could not last. What would become of the universe if she failed, if he managed to break her spell and snuff her out? Left like this on his own, unstable and wrathful yet towards mortals. There would be nothing left. Any potential life that sprouted he'd executed instantaneously. This wasn't a matter of hoping for the best. She needed to be the best and needed him to become it, as well.

"I don't want you to feel obligated to me. I've already accepted you, you fool! What I want is for you to have some fucking common sense again!" Mortem can see he wasn't always this way. It didn't matter how much of him was left in there to salvage; a small seed could grow an entire tree, after-all. Were people not the same? This phase of autumn into winter would still return to spring - she knew that.

It was enough because it had to be. She stood, bracing with nothing but her promise as she awaited his inevitable spiral.

[imalifegen89]

A Legacy Left Behind - Chapter - 7 - When the Past Unfurls - Part I

Rating: Mature

Category: M/M

Fandoms: Stargate Atlantis, Stargate SG-1, Hawaii Five-0 (2010)

Relationship: Steve McGarrett/John Sheppard

Characters: Steve McGarrett, John Sheppard, Danny "Danno" Williams, Evan Lorne, Bates (Stargate), Laura Cadman, Alicia Vega, Kono Kalakaua, Adam Noshimuri, PO Higgins (OC), Samantha "Sam" Carter, Jack O'Neill, John McGarrett, Dr. Lam, Catherine Rollins, Wo Fat, Original Goa'uld Character(s), Original Characters

Additional Tags: Action/Adventure, Action & Romance, Military, Hurt/Comfort, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Violence, Character Bashing, Not Catherine Rollins Friendly, No DADT, Swearing

Summary :

"Sure John, I'll call," He promised as the SUV came to a stop in front of them. He and Danny both got in and seated themselves. He then gave a short wave to John who was still standing there by the exit watching them leave. Steve hoped what John had told him would be true, that his dad would be able to make it through. He was not ready to lose his only remaining parent. ‘God please, not again! Not so soon ...' His mind was repeating the mantra as Steve let out a weary sigh and closed his eyes."

Steve will find out about what happened to his father, who was involved in it, why it happened and so much more than he ever bargained for...

Hello All, Here's the next part of the series, and it's a two-parter. There are some plot twists on the way and hope you all will enjoy it.

Aethir - Thank you so much for your hard work and for finding some time to help me with editing, commenting, and giving out very helpful tips and suggestions. Idea bouncing and snark is always so much fun with you!!!

Part 1 - Honolulu General

Honolulu General Hospital

Hawaii

The six-hour-long flight in the old and noisy Globemaster had left both SEALs travel-weary and sleep-deprived. Neither had talked much during the flight, trying to catch a few hours of shut-eye, but among the jarring engine noise, the comms chatter, the endless shuddering, and the training maneuvers, that had been impossible. At the end of the flight, they had thanked the crew and disembarked with relief, each carrying their single duffel.

They were both on leave and therefore in civilian clothes, and instead of the usual armory they carried around, they only had their handguns and with extra clips in their bags. Although they were only making a visit to the hospital, neither of them was willing to go completely unarmed.

A short taxi ride brought them to the hospital from Hickam closer to the midday visiting hours. They figured if needed, they could wait in the hospital until they could see John McGarrett.

……….

"Hello, My name’s Steve McGarrett, I got a call last night about my father. Somebody named Curtis called me," said Steve, presenting his credentials to the male nurse manning the reception area of the Outdoor-Patient-Department. The nurse - L. Rider, according to his name tag - gave Steve and his ID a once over and started accessing his system.

"Yes, Mr. McGarrett, your father's been moved from the ICU. He’s in room 308. You can take that elevator to the left," he informed.

“Thanks.”

Steve and Danny both took off towards the given directions.

The room Steve's father was in wasn't hard to find. It was located on the third floor and the room had the number and the name 'John McGarrett' on a plaque clearly displayed. It also had 'Dr. Leonard T. Lester - Cardiologist' listed as his primary care physician.

"I'm going to go look around and find some coffee. Do you need anything?" Danny asked. He was going to give his friend some time with his dad before going in.

"Yeah sure, I could use some coffee.”

……….

During the six long hours he’d had to think about what happened, Steve’s mind had been busy contemplating some horrible scenarios. He hadn’t realized that he had been subconsciously bracing himself for the worst. Nobody in his family had any history of heart attacks and he didn't know what to expect, what to do or how to prepare. Being the trained planner that he was, Steve found the lack of knowledge rather unsettling.

What the nurse at the reception told him, gave him hope though. He theorized that since his dad's already been moved from the ICU to a regular room, his condition shouldn't be that bad.

Steve took a moment to compose himself, watching Danny as he walked away. Then he took a deep breath and knocked on the door before entering room 308.

……….

He stood still by the door to take the scene in.

His dad was lying on the bed and a white and blue hospital gown was peeking out from underneath the white blanket. There was a monitor attached to his chest and Steve could see the leads disappear through the opening of his gown. The apparatus was quiet and its screen indicated a steady rhythm while John McGarrett slept. Steve noticed there was an IV connected to his dad's left hand as well. He scrunched up his nose when the strong odor of antiseptics hit him in the face, contrasting starkly with the smell of gun oil and Old Spice aftershave he usually associated with his dad.

McGarrett senior was sleeping peacefully and didn't seem to be in any pain. Steve was content to let his dad be, preferring to let him wake up on his own. As he stepped further into the room, he saw a chair by the bed and lowered himself to it slowly, mindful not to make a sound. Then he placed his duffel bag on the floor and settled in to wait.

Maybe it was his instincts of being an active duty police officer - John McGarrett surfaced from his slumber knowing that there was somebody in the room with him, within a few minutes of Steve’s entrance. The slight change in the rhythm of the heart monitor alerted Steve to the fact. Not wanting to startle him, Steve leaned forward and addressed his father softly.

"Hey dad," he reached to touch his hand, the one without the IV needle.

"Steve!" His dad's eyes went wide, realizing his son was sitting by the bed. "What are you doing here?" John knew Steve was deployed and he was the last person he expected to see in the hospital this early. He hadn’t even been in here for 24 hours.

"The hospital called me and told me you had a heart attack," Steve explained. He was relieved to see that his dad was speaking clearly and wasn't showing any signs of disorientation or pain. In fact, he looked quite normal. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm alright," John smiled at the raised eyebrow he received from his son at that. So he elaborated. "Just a little tightness in my chest area. But the doctor says it's normal after an attack. Other than that, I really am feeling fine. To be honest, I didn't even know what it was. I only knew I had a heart attack when Dr. Lester told me this morning," He was more curious as to how his son got here so quickly. "Where were you when they called you?"

"Colorado Springs." Steve smiled. He couldn't really get into details about his deployment or his whereabouts other than that, but he was glad that he was in the States to make this trip.

"Hah, and you’re here already. That was quick,"

"Yeah, I got lucky and caught a transport.”

Steve was more than happy to just sit there and exchange pleasantries all day long. But he needed to know what happened first. He got up to go and fetch a glass of water for his father from the bedside table. "Dad, what happened?"

His dad took it and drank some water before handing it back to Steve. Then he turned on his bed to fully settle on his back. Steve put the glass away and leaned towards his dad, giving him his full, undivided attention.

"It was the weirdest thing, kid," said the senior McGarrett, frowning as he cast his mind back to the chain of events that led to his sudden health failure. “I was in that small grocery shop by the filling station near home. I had just finished filling up the tank on the truck and was getting some stuff for the weekend. I remember walking towards the counter to pay and that’s it - for the life of me, I can't remember having any pain or calling for help or anything. I was standing there one moment and was waking up on this bed the next.” He paused to take a deep breath and then exhale slowly. “Then there’s this fellow - Dr. Lester - is telling me how lucky I was to come back from a severe myocardial infarction with no visible damage to my heart,” he made a face, remembering his earlier conversation with the overly cheerful doctor who described the incident in vivid medical detail.

“How’d you get here?”

“He said that the shop owner called for emergency services and sent me here. Apparently, I coded on the way, but they managed to get my heart started again without much fuss. And now, here I am.” John finished recounting the incident.

Steve rubbed a hand across his face, trying to take it all in.

“I wouldn’t obviously know what to expect, it’s not like I’ve had a heart attack before - but I'd have thought that at least you get some kind of a warning sign, you know? Like breathing difficulties, chest pain or something,” McGarrett senior continued after a moment. “Not this going about your normal day-to-day business, and then a complete blackout, followed by waking up in a damn hospital bed - it just doesn't feel normal,” his frown deepened.

Steve didn’t say anything for a long while. He just took his time to sit there and watch his dad who seemed to be doing pretty much okay after going through such an experience. He was immensely relieved and was happy to take his time to enjoy the feeling, letting go of the worry and stress that had built up since the moment he’d received the call.

A knock on the door interrupted the comfortable silence in the room and Danny Williams entered carrying two styrofoam cups of coffee.

“Ah there you are, Cap, how are you feeling?” He asked, handing over a coffee to Steve and coming closer to stand near the bed railing.

“I’m feeling alright, considering,” John smiled crookedly. “Where’s my coffee, Williams?”

“Hey, I don't think coffee is on the approved list for you,” Danny grinned. He was glad to see the man looked healthy enough for someone who had just had a serious health scare, fit to be up and making demands. “Besides, this hospital swill is so bad it might just give you a different problem or three,” he sipped his coffee and grimaced theatrically to prove the point. “So when are they letting you out?”

“Don't know yet, my doctor is supposed to drop by any time now. I don't think I need to stay here any longer at all.” John stated confidently. He was not accustomed to sitting around on a bed all day, especially when he wasn’t feeling different from any other day.

“Let’s let the doctor decide that, yeah dad? As you said, this is the first time something like this has happened to you and they just might need to keep you under observation for a bit - just saying,” Steve cautioned.

He knew his dad and he could see the stubborn man was already planning on going home, to start acting as if nothing happened. He might even insist on going to work unless the doctor gave him strict orders to rest and take it easy for a while.

“Which reminds me, do they know at the station that you are here?” Steve asked his dad before he could start protesting about staying put in the hospital. “I tried calling Kelly before I left, but it went to voicemail,”

“No, I’m on leave - only due back the day after tomorrow,” his dad replied somewhat petulantly.

The room door opened again, this time granting entry to a short, balding Hawaiian native. The name tag embroidered over the chest area of his white coat identified him as Dr. L.T. Lester. He smiled cheerfully at all of them and went to the nearest monitor connected to McGarrett senior.

“So how are you feeling today, John?” the doctor inquired while studying the monitor.

“I’m fine doc, when do I get to go home?” John got straight to the point.

The doctor continued taking readings and making notes with an amused smile on his face. Then he went to unclip the chart hanging on the bed railing and made a few notes on it. After that, instead of answering his reluctant patient, the doctor turned to Steve and Danny to introduce himself. At the end of exchanging pleasantries, he finally turned to address John.

“Well, Mr. McGarrett, I can see you’re doing quite well and your readings are good. But, as I explained to you earlier, what you went through is quite serious and you might have damage to your heart muscle.”

Then sensing the alarm from the visitors of his patient, the doctor hurried to explain. “It’s what happens during a heart attack. The blood flow into the heart gets interrupted and it goes into a sort of overdrive trying to restore the flow. This overactivity can cause damage. Your dad was quite lucky that people near him reacted quickly and sent him to the hospital on time.” The doctor smiled again.

“So, what’s next, doc?” Steve asked.

“We do need to assess the possibility of damage and the cause of the infraction. The most common reason is usually coronary artery disease, which means cholesterol clogging the arteries. There are some instances this could happen if you were experiencing a seizure with severe spasms and contractions. We’ll need to run some tests to determine the cause and then plan steps for the recovery,”

“And how long will all this take?” The McGarrett senior looked crestfallen, resigned to the fact that he wasn’t going to get out soon.

“I actually have you scheduled for some of the tests now. Some blood work, an EKG, and a scan. An attendant should be here shortly to take you for those,” Then the doctor turned to Steve and Danny. “The tests will take about an hour or so. If you need to step out and have a meal or something, now would be the time.”

An elderly female attendant entered the room quietly, pushing a wheelchair as the doctor finished, and started unhooking Steve's dad from his various monitors. Steve took the doctor's advice and took his leave with Danny, after letting his dad know that they’ll be back once the tests were done.

……….

“Well, I’ve gotta admit man, your dad’s right. That does sound weird.” Danny said after listening to Steve about what happened.

“Why?” Steve frowned.

“My uncle Mario had a heart attack a couple of years ago. The man was moving some heavy boxes around. He’d been sweating buckets and breathing through his mouth for about an hour when my aunt found him and made him take a break. Then he felt pain in his chest and aunt Rea took him to a doctor. The doctor took one look at him and sent him to an ER. He’s been suffering from a heart attack for hours by then,” Danny paused and tried to remember the exact details his mother told him about what happened to his uncle. “He is fine now. He had to have a bypass and has to stay away from all the greasy food and the alcohol, but he made it,” he said inspecting the sandwich he took from the vending machine. They were both seated in the hospital cafeteria with bottles of water and sandwiches.

It was crowded and almost all the tables were full with families huddling together having lunch - most probably waiting for news about their loved ones. It wasn’t that noisy, despite being crowded to capacity - and nowhere near cozy or inviting - as one would expect from a busy dining area. It felt as though the sense of expectation, the sense of happiness, and the overpowering sense of grief had all tangled up together to create a very subdued atmosphere. Even the smell of food mixed with the underlying odors of disinfectant contributed to the gloom that pervaded over the souls lost in their own private worlds.

“Wow, I’ve forgotten how crappy the hospital food is. This doesn't look like a roast beef sandwich man,” Danny sniffed at it. “Sure doesn’t smell like it either.” Then he shrugged and started eating. It didn’t taste much better either, but he was hungry after the long flight.

Steve didn’t say anything as he nibbled on his food. He wasn’t really hungry but knew he had to have something to keep his energy up. He was thinking about his dad’s recounting of the incident. He hadn’t said anything to his dad earlier, but the more he thought about it, the less it made sense. What Danny was telling him also made it clear how unusual the whole thing was. He made up his mind to pop into the shop his dad was in, later when they left the hospital. Maybe he could talk to the shopkeeper and even have a look at their security footage if they had any. He might even find something that could explain his dad suddenly suffering a heart attack. Maybe there was something that his dad had forgotten to mention.

He needed to get in touch with Sheppard as well, to let him know his dad’s condition. He knew that John would worry until he heard from him. Taking the last bite of his sandwich, he decided now would be the best time to make that call.

“Listen, I need to call Shep and let him know dad’s alright. I’m just gonna be over there by that balcony,” he told Danny as he stood up, fishing his phone out of his jacket pocket. Then he walked to the area he pointed, dialing Sheppard. “Be right back.”

………..

The sweet and subtle smell of her perfume reached Danny first, as he realized the lady who was wearing it was standing right in front of him. He looked up and saw the familiar, smiling face of Lieutenant Catherine Rollins looking down at him.

“Well, hello!” He grinned. “Fancy running into you here, of all places,” he gestured at the seat Steve had just vacated. “Take a seat,”

“Thanks,” Rollins smiled charmingly as she sat. “I’m just here visiting a friend of mine. She just had her second baby - a cute little baby boy,” her face took on the same expression all women wore when talking about babies. “I popped in here to get a drink and then I saw you,” she said. “I thought you guys were in Colorado? Is everything ok?” Her expression turned into one tinged with concern.

“Yeah, everything’s fine. I’m here with Steve, actually. We got a call about his dad, but he’s alright. We just saw him,” Danny explained without going into much detail. He noticed the Lieutenant perking up at the mention of McGarrett junior.

“He’s over there, on a call.” he pointed with his head.

Steve was leaning over the balcony with his elbows resting on the railing and busy talking to Sheppard. He didn’t see the new arrival as he had his back to them.

Danny saw the wattage of Cathrine’s smile go up as her eyes ran over the view the oblivious SEAL presented. He hid the grin and blinked at her innocently when she turned back to face him.

“So, will you guys be here for a few days then?” She inquired, her gaze snapping back to where Steve was, almost unintentionally.

Danny knew she was mostly interested in finding out whether Steve was going to be around for a while.

“Well, that depends.” He hedged. “We have to see his dad’s doctor and see how it goes,”

He didn’t want to give any definite answers or any other details without Steve’s say so. He opened his bottle and drank some water, wishing Steve would soon return. So that he could decide what to tell this infatuated Lieutenant who was back to staring at Steve’s ass with a dreamy look on her face. Then something started to nag at Danny about what she said earlier, but he couldn’t place it. He pushed it away to sort out later as he saw Steve finishing his call.

……….

“Yeah, so that’s what happened. He seems alright and man, that’s a relief. Depending on what his tests and scans show, it’ll be a day or two more. But I’ll message you when I find out,” Steve said to John, who was quite relieved at the fact that Steve’s dad was fine. He insisted that Steve take as much time as needed to make sure his dad got all the support he needed. He also made Steve promise to message him with updates and implored him to take care of himself before finally ending the call.

Steve put his phone back inside his jacket with a smile. He very much appreciated the time he was given to take care of his dad. Moreover, he was deeply touched by the way Sheppard sounded over the phone. He had been really worried and the relief that poured over from his lover through the call was almost a tangible thing. Steve made a mental note to send regular updates as promised. It wasn’t something he would have done for anyone else, but he knew Sheppard would stress otherwise. It felt nice to know that he had somebody who cared that much about him.

He felt the good feeling wilt away when he turned back to see the penetrating gaze of Catherine Rollins directed at him. He was pretty sure he caught her in the act of staring at his ass. She smiled brilliantly at him and waved. Steve was somewhat reluctant to wave back and tried his best to summon a smile for her. He was sure it looked more like a grimace instead.

Steve didn’t have anything against beautiful women. He was definitely not opposed to being the subject of desire of one, either. He had gone out with many pretty women and Catherine Rollins, with her long black hair, soulful brown eyes, and radiant smile was exactly his type. But he was very much invested in another hazel-eyed brunet and he didn’t see himself veering off anytime soon - if ever at all. Even if he wasn’t, Steve knew that he still wouldn’t be interested in this particular woman. He couldn’t put his finger on it, but there was something off about Lieutenant Rollins - something that rubbed him the wrong way - that made him want to be on his guard whenever she was nearby.

“Hi, Steve,” Rollins greeted cheerfully as he walked towards them.

Again, he was instantly put off by the overly friendly greeting. They had only known each other for about 48 hours, hadn’t they? He had to make a conscious effort to return the greeting without letting his true feelings show.

“Hello, Lieutenant,” He asked, more or less politely. “What brings you here?”

Danny cocked his head to the side and narrowed his eyes, picking up on Steve’s discomfort instantly.

Rollins either didn’t notice or didn’t let it bother her because she launched into the story of her friend and her cute little babies with great enthusiasm.

Steve kept the smile plastered on his face as she talked. Then he made a show of checking time and gestured to Danny. “Hey, listen, it’s nice bumping into you here. But Danny and I’ve gotta run. My dad should be done with his tests now,” he said to the woman as Danny got up from the chair to go with him. Steve didn’t want to give her any details about their visit here and hoped Danny hadn’t run his mouth either.

With that somewhat curt parting, he turned and walked out of the cafeteria, with Danny following closely behind.

“So, it isn’t just me, hah? She gives off weird vibes to you too?” Danny asked, turning his walk into a half jog to keep up with Steve’s longer strides. Steve was eager to put as much distance as possible between them and Rollins.

“Yeah, you didn’t tell her why we’re here, did you?” Steve asked while stabbing the buttons on the elevator.

“Nah, not really. Just told her that we’re here for your dad. That’s it.”

“Is she following us?” Steve was staring at the shiny surface of the elevator door.

The reflections on it were slightly distorted. But Danny could discern the shapely figure of Rollins in tight-fitting jeans and green sleeveless top, slowly making her way towards them.

“Forget this,” Steve spat, pressing a few more buttons for various floors on the keypad. Then he swiftly walked away to the nearest staircase and started climbing two steps at a time. He knew his behavior was a bit irrational; she was just a colleague after all, not another enemy combatant gaining on him. Nevertheless, he wanted to get away from her as soon as possible.

When they finally reached Steve’s dad’s room, the man was already there, enjoying his lunch. It didn’t look much better than what they had either. John McGarrett insisted that there was no need for them to hang around since he was just going to take his pills and take a long nap anyway. He could see the boys were tired and wanted them to go home and catch a few hours of sleep for themselves. Steve relented and promised his dad that they’d drop by later around dinner time. He made him promise to call them if he needed anything before that and then finally hugged him fiercely, before taking their leave.

[snarkwrites]

12 | gangsta; sweetpea

NOTES:

It's been a while. I've had these two chapters written for a while now but I haven't had time to sit down, edit them a little better and post them. Since I have time now, I thought I'd go ahead and do that, whether you guys asked for these next two chapters or not.

Sorry this took forever! Sorry I'm so slow, I've been settling into a new house and taking care of some IRL stuff / taking a little break. I swear, I'm going to update everything sooner or later. >.>

I love you guys.

WARNINGS:

NON/ LOOSE CANON COMPLIANCE - this is the biggest warning, so if you’re into things that follow exact canon plot you are… definitely not going to like this. ANGST & SLOW BURN, HEAVY SEXUAL TENSIONSTARTING NOW, ACTUALLY - this is just so everyone who started reading this thinking the smut would transpire in a hurry knows that apparently, it is not. VIOLENCE / SWEARING & FIGHTING, POSSIBLE UNDERAGE DRINKING AND OTHER SHENANIGANS- look.. it’s high school. shit happens. also apparently, my ofc Alyssa uses the word fuck like all the time?…EVENTUAL SEXUAL CONTENT / A VIRGIN ORIGINAL CHARACTER- this one is self explanatory. yes, i plan to write a smutty chapter in this at some point. when? i don’t rightly know. it’s got a while before we get there. STALKER TW - this chapter marks the true appearance of Alyssa's ex, Dave Novak. It's hinted heavily that he's a gross asshole who likes to play mind games.

If you're under 18+, probably not a good or wise idea to continue reading this series. Because there are going to be a few dark and adult themes within. I'll warn here, of course, but you need to understand that I don't control you. If you continue to read after having read the warnings and you're upset or don't like something... Totally on you, friend.

PAIRING:

Andrews!Sibling OFC x Sweet Pea.

TAGGING:

@brithedemonspawn is the only person on my Riverdale tag list. If you want to be added, the link to do so is below.

OTHER PARTS:

ONE - TWO - THREE - FOUR - FIVE - SIX - SEVEN - EIGHT - NINE - TEN- ELEVEN - soundtrack

OTHER STUFF:

[ about my writing - tag list doc ]

T W E L V E.

[773 - 589 - 7956] attachment

[773 - 589 - 7956] I think I decided how you can repay me, scarlet…

[773 - 589 - 7956] Better enjoy your quiet and happy little life while you still have it, scarlet. Because soon it’s all going to be ripped right out of your pretty little hands.

[773 - 589 - 7956] That boyfriend of yours isn’t even gonna be able to save you this time, scarlet. You’re mine.

[773 - 589 - 7956] See you soon, scarlet.

Each new text that came in had me tensing up. Careful to keep my phone out of sight of anyone who was nearby. My heart was about to beat right out of my chest and my stomach felt like it sank to the floor. I was barely listening to anything being said around me and I guess it was more obvious than I thought because Toni cleared her throat, nodding to the phone in my hand.

Gazing at me in concern.

“Everything okay? You look like you’re going to be sick.”

“Yeah,yeah. Everything is fine.” I lied. I think at that particular point in time, I was just trying to convince myself that this was all some kind of bad dream. Or worst case scenario, Dave was making empty threats.

Toni eyed me suspiciously. I tried to give her a convincing smile, but I’d have had to be an idiot to even think for a second that she believed me. She eyed my phone and reached for it. I managed to shove it in my pocket.

“Trust me.” I pleaded. She gave me a wary look and sighed, grumbling “Fine, okay. Alright.” under her breath.

And I did my best to push the texts out of my head. Jumping in the conversation she had going on with Cheryl and Veronica. Laughing and talking as if nothing were wrong.

Lying through the skin of my teeth.

XXX

“What’s got you so jumpy?”

The question caught me off guard. I wanted to tell someone what was going on, I really did, but… I didn’t want to worry anyone, either. I was at least 99.9 percent sure that there was absolutely no way that Dave would show up in Riverdale, at least that’s what I was hoping.

I did my best to play it off. Shoveling french fries into my mouth just so I didn’t have to answer right away. My cell phone lit up and I flinched before I could stop myself.

Toni reached for it and I quickly grabbed it and shoved it in my pocket. She gave me a concerned look and I muttered quietly, “Probably just Reggie...again.”

“Reggie’s with that new girl though?” Cheryl spoke up. Gazing at me thoughtfully. My breath caught in my throat because if anyone would catch on to there being something truly wrong with me or something off in the way I was acting, it’d be her or Polly.

So far, I’d managed to fool everyone else into thinking I was alright, even my dad and my brother.

,, Dave won’t come here, it’s not worth the hassle. He’s just playing mind games. That’s all this is. Pull yourself together.” the thought came and I managed a smile, shrugging.

“You’ve been acting weird all week, now that I’m thinking about it.” Cheryl was the one who said it and she gave me an expectant look. Waiting.

“I have not.”

,, I do have one secret I can spill. Maybe if I tell them about my crush on Sweetpea…” and so that’s what I did. Sighing as I reached for the shared plate of fries between the three of us. Raking my fries through my vanilla milkshake and taking a few deep breaths to kind of collect myself, both from Dave’s harassing texts and what I was finally about to get off my chest about having feelings for Sweetpea.

“You have. Start talking.” Toni spoke up, watching me. Sizing me up. If I had to guess, I’d pin money on her sitting across the booth, trying to figure out what was up with my jumpy attitude all week.

“Okay, alright. Fine. But what I’m about to tell you two does not leave this table, okay? It.. It can’t. If Sweetpea ever found out, pretty sure he’d start avoiding me and things would get weird.”

Toni and Cheryl exchanged a look and then Toni nodded. Chewing a mouthful of fries as she muttered calmly, “Go on.”

“ I may or may not have a crush on Sweetpea.”

“Oh, you definitely have a crush on him. It’s kind of obvious.” Cheryl gave a soft teasing grin and I sighed. Dragging my hand through my hair and taking a few seconds to let her words sink in. I almost dreaded asking, but I felt like I had to given that she said it was obvious. “Oh god.. He doesn’t suspect anything.. Right?”

“Oh, he’s the only one whose oblivious. But the rest of us, we’ve known a while.” Toni teased me. Then asked calmly, “Is that all? Why’s that have you so jumpy?”

“Because I know how bad I am at hiding things, okay? I was kind of… I dunno, freaking out I guess.” I eyed her, waiting. Searching her face in the hopes that she accepted what I said and didn’t keep pushing. A few seconds passed and she laughed softly. Took a sip of her strawberry milkshake and asked with a smirk, “Are you gonna do anything about it?”

“Probably not. Every time I even think about it, I manage to talk myself right out of it. He’d laugh his ass off, okay? Besides, remember all the flirting he was doing with Josie when they had to work together during the play?” I pouted as I pointed it out.

Cheryl and Toni exchanged looks and Toni laughed. “He was doing that to make you jealous. Or that’s what I think he was doing. Either way… I think you should do something. He’s not going to and trust me… I’ve known the guy my whole life. I know him well enough to say that I know he has a thing for you. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have been so cranky when you two first met?”

“I thought he was just naturally grumpy?”

“Oh, he is, but the way he was towards you was totally different. He’s only that grumpy when he’s trying to keep his defenses up.” Toni informed me before finishing off her shake.

The door to the diner opened and Sweetpea walked in, Fangs in tow. The two of them were laughing about something. I gave both Cheryl and Toni a pleading look and Cheryl seemed to pick up on my unspoken plea to change the subject thankfully, because she asked, “Are you going to F.P’s retirement party at the Wyrm?”

“Yeah.” I answered, finishing off my milkshake. Sweetpea flopped into the booth beside me, carelessly slinging an arm over the back of the seat. His hand brushed against my shoulder and I swear just the small brush against me felt like someone had taken a livewire and dragged it over my body real slow.

Toni smirked at me, nodding at Sweetpea while he was too busy wolfing down french fries to notice and I shook my head.

“I dare you. No… I triple dare you.. Flirt with him.” Toni gave a teasing grin as she mouthed the words to me and I swallowed hard.

She’s not playing fair. She knows I can’t turn down a dare.

I happened to glance out the window of the diner and when I thought I saw Dave standing there, leaning against a streetlamp, one hand in his pocket and a cigarette dangling between his lips, I nearly choked. This prompted Sweetpea to start hitting me on the back lightly as he laughed and looked at me in concern. “Damn cherry, are you trying to kill yourself?”

Toni’s brow raised and Sweetpea explained what happened earlier in the day, how I’d nicked myself with the scalpel in our first period class while doing a dissection. What Sweetpea didn’t know was that when it happened, it was because I thought I’d seen Dave standing outside in the parking lot, only to blink and the parking lot be empty.

I have got to stop letting his stupid mind games get to me. It’s just because he’s texting me again. It’s just because he knows how to work me up and get me all scared, he used to be good at it when we dated.

He’d never come to Riverdale. He’s just doing this to me for his own sick amusement and every single time I let him get to me, especially when I’m to a point where I’m so paranoid I’m imagining that I see him everywhere lately, it’s letting him win and that pisses me off more than anything.

I’m supposed to be stronger than that, damn it.

Toni eyed me suspiciously and I braced myself. When she didn’t bring up my skittish behavior, I relaxed a little.

I wanted to tell someone what was going on, but at the same time, why? I’m pretty sure this is just Dave, being an absolute bag of dicks.

It has to be that. It has to be.

XXX

He stood outside some podunk little diner right in the heart of town. The hazy red neon gave off a comforting and inviting warmth and he lit his cigarette, fuming in anger as he watched her sitting inside.

“I know you’re not ignoring me, scarlet. I know you’re not.” he muttered, mostly to himself as he turned the collar of his leather jacket up against the wind and started to walk towards the South Side.

Maybe it was time he paid his old buddy Eric a visit. Eric was out of prison. Eric was the one who’d told him where Alyssa was to begin with, though he didn’t realize it.

Dave chuckled and shook his head as he walked towards the shitty apartments on the opposite end of town where Eric lived. Eric owed him a few favors. He was coming to collect.

“Did you really think I was jokin when I told ya I have friends all over? That you weren’t ever gonna get away from me?” he mused to himself as he knocked on the door of a first floor slum apartment.

Eric opened the door, leaning in it lazily. Blinking at him in a daze and smirking. High fiving him as he asked him why he was in town.

Dave whipped out his phone, showing Eric a picture of Alyssa. At first he gave him some story about her running off while he was in the pen. Eric wasn’t buying it, he could see it written in the expression on his face. And that only made him angry. Eric owed him. He was here to collect the favor owed. All he wanted was for Eric to help him out on this one little thing.

Eric shook his head, chuckling in disgust. Gazing at him with a brow raised. “I think you need to leave, man. Now. You don’t want the heat this is gonna bring down on you. And I’m not about to get on a Serpent’s bad side, even if the Serpent in question is just a damn kid.”

“See, I’d like to just put this all behind me, man... but she’s the whole reason I even went to prison to begin with. Then I get out and find out not only is my girl not loyal, she’s also the one who snitched on me?” Dave eyed Eric. Getting irritated because this was not how he saw the conversation going.

“I’m telling you, you need to leave. Forget about Alyssa. I see her around all the time with some kid… Sweet Pea or Green Bean, some shit. The Serpents are not people you fuck with, man. Not around these parts.”

“You know the Serpents aren’t shit to me… Right?” Dave quipped, smirking. “I’ve got this under control. I just need you to help me out a little… C’mon, man. You owe me.”

“I don’t fucking care. I’m not helping you do whatever it is you’re here to do. What I oughta do is put a bullet in your fucking head for even thinking I’d be down for this shit. She’s a kid, man. A fucking kid... Favor or not, man… I’m on the Serpents side with this. Not yours. You need to leave.” Eric warned, giving Dave a firm glare as he folded heavily tattooed arms over his chest.

“Oh, so that’s how you’re playin, huh? Okay. Alright. All I wanna do is see her again. I’m not going to do anything. I just want to straighten things out. Get a little closure on the situation...”

Eric scoffed. “This coming from the king of overreaction. I don’t trust you.I’m breakin code of my gang by even talking to your ass. Nope. The answer is no. I’m not helping. Do whatever you have to do to me, but I’m not about to help you scare some kid. I’ve got better things to do with my time, buddy...”

Dave’s arm shot out and he pinned Eric against the door of his apartment. Smirking at him calmly. “I know you haven’t forgotten just how much your sorry ass owes me. Because that’s what this sounds like.”

“I guess that’s what it is then. Because I’ve seen what the Serpents can do. I’m not about to bring all that down on my head.” Eric stepped back inside his apartment, slamming the door in Dave’s face, leaving him to glare at the closed door and take a swing.

“Guess I’m doing this all by myself.” Dave mused as he turned and wandered down to a shitty dive bar nearby. He needed to have a few rounds. Come up with a plan.

And a little after midnight, after finding himself a few new talkative friends in some local Ghoulies, things were starting to look up for him. And he was slowly forming a plan.

Now he just had to wait. Pick his moment. Toy with her a little more.

“I’m so close I can almost touch you, scarlet. Soon… Soon you’re going to pay for running your mouth to mommy about me...” he smirked to himself as he unlocked his hotel room and stepped inside.

[tinierpurplefishes]

No wonder I've been feeling shitty in non-specific and hard to identify ways for the past few days. The back of my brain is bracing itself for another couple of days of surgery and a week or so in the NICU.

It occurs to me that I never really outright said what happened on here, tho I've talked about pretty much all the pieces.

Mid February last year, I started getting a rash. I'd had similar ones a few times before, and they'd gone away with some extra diligence in the shower, so I didn't worry about it. This one didn't go away. It got worse and worse, with my skin all inflamed and covered in pustules and peeling away. Eventually, it was basically like 1st degree burns over most of my body, 2nd in the worst spots. Except that so much skin was peeling off that it couldn't come away cleanly. The flakes would stick to each other and form these hard plaques with sharp edges that hurt even more when they poked into my inflamed skin, which was basically any time I moved, by that point. I was also having what seemed like a string of stomach bugs of some sort, with really bad diarrhea. Those had been gradually building since November, but we didn't put the pattern together until later.

After a couple of weeks of this, my mom made me go to Urgent Care, where some PA who didn't know enough about skin conditions said it was a yeast infection and sent me home with a prescription for an ointment that did nothing, because it was trying to treat the wrong problem. After another week, by which point I could barely walk, we went back to UC and got an actual doc, who said this was way out of her league, and I needed to go to the ER, specifically at Harborview (the rash was presenting much like a burn, and they have the best burn care center in like three states), right the fuck now, yes, even tho it was Sunday.

The ER was a hell of an experience, and could easily be a whole story all by itself, but they assured me that I was right to have come there, and got right on the job of trying to find a Dermatologist who was available at like 6pm on a Sunday. (The ER doc, for whatever reason, kept saying "skin doctor" instead of dermatologist, which really stuck with me.) They finally got one, and she made a preliminary diagnosis of psoriasis and gave me some better painkillers and stuck in an IV because I was so badly dehydrated. (The various blood draws and getting the IV were exactly as fun as might be imagined, given that my skin hurt anyway, and my veins were all hiding because of the dehydration.) Around midnight, they finally got me a bed in a regular room, with a roommate who had been having a shitty time as well and had hit the point of making it everyone else's problem. She eventually insisted on checking herself out, and I figured things were on the way to turning around.

Monday morning, a whole team of Dermatologists showed up, eventually confirmed the diagnosis, and got me started on Cyclosporine and some ointments that helped with the actual problem. One of them mentioned that it was the worst case of psoriasis he'd ever seen in person. I was still super weak, and having all kinds of trouble using the bathroom, but after a couple of days where things seemed to be getting a little bit better, they figured those would eventually clear up too, and got ready to discharge me.

Right as I was ready to go, tho, I had a severe pain in my right abdomen, lost most of what core strength I had, and got a strong sense of Impending Doom. I'd managed to get up and move to a chair, but now it took three nurses to shift me back to the bed, I'd become so incapable of holding myself up. They got someone in to do a chest X-ray, and while he had it up on the screen, the guy who was trying to put in a new IV said it was the clearest case of "air under the diaphragm" he'd ever seen, and that they needed to start paging Surgical and not stop until they got someone. Once they did, those folks literally came in at a run and started getting me ready for surgery. Because it was taking a little while to clear an OR, they gave me an MRI first (Which was possibly the most science fictional experience I've ever had. Very weird and uncomfortable procedure.), and then I really lose track of everything because the total sedation started around then, but it involved two days of surgeries removing about half of my large intestine and making sure they'd cleaned out everything that had leaked, and then, as I said, another week or so in the NICU, with at least a day or two completely sedated because I kept trying to pull out my breathing tube whenever I started to wake up.

Slowly, things got better. I was eventually able to drink small amounts of water without projectile vomiting and ease back on hitting the button for the Dilaudid. Some of the various tubes and wires were gradually removed. (At one point, my mom asked if they had me hooked up to literally everything, and after thinking about it for a minute, the nurse said no, I wasn't a seizure risk, so they didn't have the monitor for that attached.) They moved me to a regular room, and eventually I got to drink not just water, but juice. Still getting most of my nutrition from the IV, tho.

After a few more days, they started adding in very small amounts of actual (if extremely soft) food, so I had to start getting the ostomy bag changed, because there was actual material flowing thru what's left of my digestive system. Due to the constant skin peeling from the psoriasis, the bags didn't stick very well, so I started getting introduced to the experience of everything being literally covered in shit on a semi-regular basis.

I was still having trouble peeing, and thought I might have a bladder infection. That got me moved to a solitary room and a massive series of heavy duty IV antibiotics when the tests came back showing a major MRSA infection.

Things moved slowly, but they did keep getting better. The hole where one of the surgical staples came loose gradually got smaller (It started big enough that I could have stuck my whole finger in there without touching the sides. Now it looks like a second belly button.), and the PTs got me at least rolling over and eventually sitting up, if not standing yet. I had two hospital beds malfunction in different ways. I got to eat actual proper food again. More of the tubes and wires got disconnected.

After over a month in the hospital total, they finally sent me home (In an ambulance. First time I ever rode in one.), which entailed a whole slew of other issues. My mom and brother did what they could to clear things up around the house and in my room. My mom got a bunch of help from various places, getting grab bars put in and stuff like that, and managed to find a friend of hers who's an OT and was looking for some extra work.

The first time the OT came over, I was able to barely stand, clinging to a walker, for about 45 seconds. She was amazing, gave me a bunch of exercises and great tips on how to gradually learn to stand and walk again over the next few months.

In June, the first attempt at switching me from Cyclosporine to something more suitable for long term use failed horribly, with a really bad psoriasis outbreak, and I went back on those pills. Things keep moving more slowly than predicted, but they do keep moving. The surgeons originally said I could get the ostomy reversed in 6-12 months, but their Endoscopy department is so backed up that I'm still two months away from getting the colonoscopy I need first. The second attempt at switching to a monoclonal antibody treatment for the psoriasis seems to be working, altho the final test there doesn't come until next week, when I drop down from the doubled starter dose to the regular dose. I can walk around the block, which is more than I could do for over a year before all this went critical. It looks like a lot of my general declining health over the past decade or so has been related to the problems in my intestine, and probably also the MRSA and other infections that all those antibiotics blew out of my system.

So, yeah, overall, things are looking up, even if it has been a hell of a ride getting here, and part of my brain is worrying that it's about to start all over again.

I'm not entirely sure, because that whole chunk of time is kinda hazy, even by the usual standards of my memory, but I think today is the anniversary of when my large intestine finally actually fell apart and I nearly died and got rushed into emergency surgery and all that. It's either today or tomorrow. Very thankful that I felt shitty enough even before that that I didn't let them discharge me from the hospital. If I'd been on the way home by the time I realized just how bad I was feeling, we never would have made it back to Harborview in time.

[scifibi]

hello! for your thing, i'd like option 1for rebelcaptain and some conglomeration of "holy shit i just realized i’ve liked you for the past 8274 years and i really wish i didn’t but i dO and everyone somehow knows about it except for you oh my god why is this happening to me" and" we’re best friends and i’ve been in love with you for forever but i’m 3000% sure you just see me as a friend except why is this sexual tension happening rn" lol thanks!!

HELLO okay i’m sorry this took so long but HERE YOU GO!

YOUR REBELCAPTAIN FIC:

[also on ao3]

 The revelation hits Jyn, quite literally, out of nowhere.

She's alone at home, sitting on her couch and watching Die Hard simply because it happened to be airing on the first channel she landed on. A sudden thought crosses her mind — an image of Cassian's horrified-fond expression as she'd insisted that Die Hard was her favourite Christmas movie of all time — and all of a sudden, her entire spine goes rigid, her eyes rounding in their sockets.

Holy shit, her brain whisper-shouts, the inaudible sound bouncing off the walls of her head. You're in love with Cassian.

She sits motionless for the rest of the movie, unable to see or hear anything Bruce Willis says or does onscreen.

Contrary to popular belief, it's not that Jyn doesn't have feelings.

It's just that — well, they're so inconvenient.

What have feelings ever done for anyone, anyway? What practical use have they ever amounted to? All they're known to do is cause awkwardness and pain and misunderstandings. Usually all three, come to think of it.

No, it's just easier all round to ignore them.

Only she can't ignore these ones, because, fuck, it's Cassian. Never mind that he's already her favourite person on Earth to begin with. They see each other way too often for her to be able to sufficiently and adequately bury her emotions under a thick enough layer of indifference. It would be significantly jarring if she were to suddenly refrain from hanging out with everyone just to avoid him. It would be obvious enough if she were to suddenly start avoiding hanging out with Cassian alone, considering just how much they see each other on a regular basis.

Not only that, but, well… once again, it's Cassian. She could probably be able to fake it with Bodhi. Maybe Baze. If she tried her hardest, she might even be able to fool Chirrut for a couple days or so. As for Kay — well, for all he cares, she could tell him she's turned into a purple chimpanzee and he would probably just hand her a banana without batting an eyelash.

All the same, she desperately needs someone's voice in her head other than her own, so she digs her phone out from the pocket of today's jacket and dials. 

"Jyn, it's twelve-thirty," Bodhi says in lieu of a greeting. "I need my seven and a half hours if I'm going to have a good day at work, okay? I can't mess up my routine just because—"

"I'm in love with Cassian," she blurts out. About as intentionally as 'blurting' can be.

"... of that," Bodhi finishes. After a long pause, there's a small 'tsk' sound on his end. "Okay. And?"

She frowns, her cheeks burning with heat. "Did you hear what I said?" 

"Loud and clear," Bodhi says, his voice dipping in and out in a way that makes her suspect he might be yawning. "What's the issue?"

"Wha— I just told you the issue," she hisses, shifting agitatedly on the couch.

There's another pause, slightly longer than the last.

"Oh." Bodhi's adopted a tone she's only ever heard him use once in their entire friendship — when Baze and Chirrut's four-year-old daughter had gravely asked him why her daddies' bed sometimes went bump in the night. "Oh, okay. This… is news."

Her jaw drops at the wary, upward lilt of his voice on the word 'news'. Like it's a question. "What the fuck is with that tone?!" she demands.

A loud sigh sounds on the phone. "Look, Jyn, any other time, I would totally therapise you through this—"

"S'not a word," she points out tightly.

"—but I actually am pretty sleepy right now, so I'm just gonna come out and tell you that, yeah, we all know. We've all known for, like, years now."

Her mouth works soundlessly for a couple of beats, opening and closing as she struggles to form a coherent thought. "We?! Who the fuck is—"

"Not Cassian, don't worry," Bodhi answers readily. "We thought we'd let you be the one to fill him in."

She scowls at her coffee table. "Stop saying 'we'."

"Stop stalling and go work out how you're gonna tell him," Bodhi advises, sheets rustling in the background. "I'm hanging up now. Goodnight."

"You're the worst," she informs him.

"Love you too, Jyn" is all she hears in response, right before the dial tone cuts in.

"Sorry," Cassian says as he slides into the booth, ten minutes late. "My Uber driver got a little lost."

Jyn scrunches her nose. They've been to this bar about a million times. "You didn't direct him?"

He waves a dismissive hand. "He had the map thing going. Also, he thought my name was Cassie, so. No." She's snorting into her drink before she can help it 

Cassian's eyes flick down to her glass, more than halfway empty. "Whiskey? Are we celebrating something?" 

She straightens in her chair, suddenly embarrassed. "Just— just felt like something different."

She doesn't want to admit that she'd just wanted something stronger, to help prepare her for what was undoubtedly going to be the worst conversation of her life. She's not going to fool herself; it could just turn out to be the best. All the same, considering everything she knows about herself, 'worst' is probably a lot more likely.

He nods easily, much to her relief. "Sounds good. I'm gonna go get myself one of those." He pauses midway through getting up from the table. "Should I order for the others too?"

Her face floods with discomforting warmth. "Oh. Uh. They're not coming."

He stops, caught between standing and an awkward half-crouch. "They're not?"

"I thought we could hang out, just the two of us." She glances around self-consciously. "I didn't mention that?"

He blinks, brows furrowing slightly. "No." After a beat, he shrugs, and slips out from behind the table. "Back in a few."

She sucks in a deep breath, smoothing her palms over her jean-clad thighs. Okay, Erso, she tells herself silently. You can do this. Just… come out and say it. Easy. Simple 

No, don't just say it, she argues right back. You have to lay some groundwork first. You have to feel him out.

Yeah, she interjects smugly, you'd love to feel him out.

This is not the time, she scolds.

Definitely not, she agrees quickly, nodding to herself. Definitely don't imagine what it'd be like to kiss Cassian now. Or what his tongue would feel like against your skin. Or if he'd let you crawl into his lap and—

Abruptly, she snags her whiskey glass, tossing back the last of the amber liquid as fast as she can. She hisses quietly as it burns down her throat, tipping her head back down and slamming her empty glass back down on the table, next to—

Another glass of whiskey? 

Cassian grins as he slides back into his seat across from her, his own glass of whiskey in hand. "Got you a refill." He arches a brow at her empty glass. "Not a moment too soon, either, I see."

She manages a weak laugh, pushing aside her empty glass to curl both palms around her fresh drink. "Thanks."

Cassian smiles around a sip of whiskey, leaning forward to brace his elbows on the table. "So, is this a date?"

Her head snaps up. "What?!"

He shrugs, glancing round at the empty booth. "The others aren't here. We're all alone."

Her mouth falls open. "That doesn't make it a date!"

He gestures towards her glass. "I bought you a drink."

"We always buy each other drinks," she points out with a roll of her eyes.

"Didn't say this was a first date."

Despite the warmth blooming in her cheeks, a laugh bubbles out of her before she quite catches it, the sensation spreading through her like liquid relaxant. "Idiot," she mutters fondly, shaking her head. "In that case, we've been dating for about three years now, have we?"

Cassian's smile remains in place, but when his gaze flicks away and back to hers, it's noticeably darker than before. "I don't know, Jyn. Have we?"

Her throat is suddenly very, very dry.

She stares at him. And then down at the fresh drink in her hands. And then back up at him.

"Are you flirting with me?"

Cassian's mouth curves, his expression wry. "Have been for the past three years, but thanks for noticing."

Suddenly, everything clicks.

"Fucking Bodhi," she groans, scrubbing a palm over her eyes. "I'm going to kill him."

He laughs, his fingers slipping into her hand to tug it away from her face. "Please don't. He's responsible for giving me the best news of my life. I'm feeling quite charitable towards him."

She flushes hotly, but she lets him take her hand anyway, turning it so it's resting securely in his upturned palm. "This isn't how this was supposed to go." 

"Apparently, I wasn't supposed to let three whole years go by without telling you, either," Cassian tells her. He's smiling, but his hand tightens over hers, almost like some sort of nervous reflex.  "I'd say it's pretty obvious we both need some help in this department."

"No, we don't," she insists stubbornly, reaching out with to take his other hand in her free one. "Look — I love you." She grins triumphantly, a rush of warmth spiking through her system. "See? I said it without anyone telling me to!"

Cassian grins, his eyes shining bright. "I love you too, but it's not a chess match, Jyn."

"Doesn't matter," she says, squeezing both his hands. "We win."

He squeezes back. "Yeah. We do."

[justagayguysworld-blog]

Not sure what you will think of this one, but my mind inhabits the most unusual of places.

It was the last beer and we'd shared it on the way to town for another twelve-pack. I barely knew Antonio. He'd only been there a couple of weeks, but it was the damnedest thing I'd ever seen. Nobody, and I do mean nobody, could talk to a horse the way he did. I thought it was a fluke the first time. Then he did it again and I knew it couldn't be natural.

We had a contract with the state for wild mustang management. It wasn't the easiest job in the world, but I liked the outdoors and it beat hell out of watching my old man slap his third or fourth wife around. Maybe Sheila was the fifth; I'd stopped counting or giving much of a shit by that point. For my purposes at nineteen, it was a godsend they'd hired me and paid my bus fare to Utah. We rounded them up, checked them for diseases, tagged them, sold off the limit, gave them their shots and then trucked them back to the desert.

I'd been at the ranch for maybe three months when he came up one night seemingly outta nowhere and sat next to me at the fire. I greeted him in what little Spanish I knew. "Save it, dude. I speak English." And that was that.

One of the stallions was raising bloody hell in the pen and stirring up the other horses. I stood up to see if I could go quiet him down. Antonio braced a hand on my knee and said as he was standing, "Can I borrow that? Thanks." He took the beer out of my hand, turned it up and walked over to the corral with it in his hand. Sitting the bottle on the post, he hopped the fence, picked the bottle up and walked straight over to the hellraiser.

Just walked inside like he owned the place. He was fixing to get trampled to death near as I could tell, when he grabbed that bad boy by his mane and said something. The horse shook its head side to side. Antonio jerked harder on a handful of hair, the horse quieted down and lowered its head. Then the crazy fuck turned up that bottle, and I swear to God, I saw a mustang down the rest of my beer.

Tossing the bottle over, he walked back to the fence and hopped it again like nothing had happened. Picking up the empty he came back to the campfire and said, "Sorry about that. Can I get you another?"

Stunned, I asked, "What the fuck was that about?"

"Horses can smell fear. And some of them like beer." He walked away leaving me gape-jawed and went to the bunkhouse for another round. When he came back with our longnecks, he twisted the lid off one with his forefinger and thumb. I'd never seen anyone do that either.

Bottle in hand, I asked, "Where you from?"

"Can't say exactly. I tend to move around a lot. Guess you could call me a restless spirit." Bending down, he placed the same hand on my knee again to sit like an old man trying to find his bearings and steady himself. I hadn't noticed it earlier, but the chill of his touch radiated through my jeans to my kneecap.

The hand was just as icy when he extended it. "Antonio. What's your name, cowboy?"

"Jason. Jason Sparks. But most people just call me Rufus or asshole. Seems I'm the low man on the totem pole around here."

He laughed and said, "Not anymore. I just blew into town. I'll be working the night shift."

"Night shift? I wasn't aware we had one."

"Yeah, I'm something of a specialist. These positions can be hard to fill. Not everybody can handle an alcoholic horse with bad dreams."

I literally fell off the log laughing. Struggling to get up, Antonio grabbed the collar of my jacket and pulled me back to an upright position. Without any real effort on my part, I found my ass firmly planted on the log again. If he was superman, I didn't see where he could be hiding the muscles. We were about the same size and weight from what I could tell. He chuckled and mumbled something about horses not being the only alcoholics in those parts.

"I'll drink to that. Let me get us one more beer and then I guess I'll turn in for the night. Where are you bunking?"

"Next to you if there's room still available at the inn. Larry said to grab any empty bed I could find. And yours kind of looked like a mess when I was stowing my gear. But at least it didn't smell like shit."

Stopping to take a piss I wondered how he knew which bed was mine, but in the quest for brewskis I'd forgotten the question by the time I returned. As if reading the mind I was in the process of losing, he stated very matter-of-factly, "You don't smell like a cowboy or a horse with a drinking problem."

Not knowing exactly how to or if I should reply, I thought a moment and said, "Generally speaking, I don't go around smelling cowboys or their sheets, and I damned sure ain't smelling a horse's breath to see if they've been drinking."

He must've sensed my unease. Clinking his bottle against mine, he offered, "Sorry, I have a really weird nose. It smells the strangest damned things. Guess that's why I'm good with the horses. I smell what they smell."

"Ain't nothing wrong with your nose, Antonio," I blurted out. "You have a real nice nose. Most of these ugly old bastards have had their's broken in so many bar fights, I don't really want to think about it, much less how they smell."

Bumping his shoulder against mine, he clinked his nearly empty bottle to mine and said, "Yeah, I'll take loving over fighting any time I can. Probably why I get along with the horses and avoid divorces.

We had minimal contact after that. Other than rolling over or the occasional fart, I didn't hear much out of him for the next two weeks. Except in my dreams if I'm going to be perfectly damned honest about this. And generally speaking, I didn't have much of a habit dreaming about other men, at least not in that way. But there he was, more than once, pretty damned specifically. If I'd been anyone else, it would've been hard to ignore. Only I'd learned to master any direct concern for my actual feelings, and dick management had never been an issue for me personally.

The crew I was working was out on range management. I'd barely been back to the place long enough to sleep, much less for fireside chitchat. Then Saturday night came, we were going to take a couple days off and there he was. Just like in my damned dreams. I have no reason to lie. It was disconcerting when I saw him sprawled out there next to the fire. Not a care in the world, acting as if he'd grown up right out of the ground on that very spot, he smiled.

Looking me directly in the eye as if he hadn't invaded my dreams, he said casually as a cousin, "Hey Jason Sparks, if you're going to the house, could you grab me another cold one?" It had been a particularly hard week, I was bone-ass tired and his nose still wasn't broken in six different places. Two beers later we were left alone with a raging fire and the feelings I was experiencing that matched that blaze. I really wanted to kick his ass. Antonio had seriously fucked with my head, and he didn't seem to know or at least care.

He got up for the third round. It wasn't my knee he touched that sent icy shivers up my spine this time. It was my thigh. About three inches below the part that separates the men from the boys. Close enough for discomfort, I met his glaze and that fire was dancing in his eyes. His nose still wasn't broken, but the quiet smirk on his face made me seriously think about rearranging it.

Fucker scratched my head as he walked away like I was some kind of damned puppy in love. Brought back another round and said, "These are the last ones, Jason Sparks. Let's polish them off and make a run into town. I'm still thirsty. If you'll drive, I'll buy."

That was the night and I guess the moment that changed or ended my life. Something deep inside me could hear it slowly rumbling. I'd seen it in those dreams. I simply didn't have the power to say no or the least of will to fight him. And we weren't struggling. I guess that was what's so odd about it. Everything in my body and soul knew it was happening, even if my conscious mind was slow in catching up. I wanted him. I'd be the worst kind of liar if I said I didn't. And I knew he knew it.

He took my hand and pulled me up off the ground. I could've just as easily staggered to my feet of my own accord. But he wanted that ice running through my veins clashing with my toasted toes inside those boots. And I felt it. Felt it thoroughly as we climbed in the truck and started the motor. Only once did he touch my body on the way to the store. It was completely casual and anything but innocent as the shivers raced up and down my spine.

He went in and came out. I felt very strange. Almost in an out-of-body floating feeling I drove away into the darkness of the rural night. I still remember. It was as vivid, quiet and unstoppable as a freight train bearing down on the family sedan stalled on the side of the tracks.

"Pull over." I could've kept driving, but the truth was that I'd pulled over two weeks before. "I said pull over, Jason Sparks." He didn't have to ask again. And the truth, as he very well knew, is that I'd been wanting to pull over my whole life. The cab of the truck was full of echoes and whispers as I floated above my body while it and he crawled into the back seat. Voices were everywhere, the engine was running and for the first time in my life I didn't give a damn.

I thought in some delirious way I was about to kiss a boy, but that wasn't it. That wasn't it at all. My feelings, those secreted desires weren't important. We weren't boys. I'd become a man without realizing or acknowledging it, and that brief period of my life was about to end abruptly.

It was brutal. How could I possibly forget when he folded down the lambswool collar of my jacket and sunk his teeth into my flesh? I could've fought him off, but I'd already struggled my whole life to be something different than what I was. Antonio was reconciling my conflicts, meeting my innermost longings and he'd bought the beer.