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trashyswitch · 9 days ago

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Foxy's Terrible Pirate Jokes

Scott is working at the pizzeria, when he comes across a strangely mischievous Foxy, with bad pirate jokes and a plan up his sleeve! Only thing is, it turns out that Foxy isn't alone in this little plan...

This fanfic was suggested by an anonymous user on Tumblr! Whoever you are, I thoroughly hope you enjoy.

Scott was sitting in the office, looking at the poster of the three characters: Freddy, Bonnie and Chica. Why Foxy was not on the poster, he could not be sure. Foxy was his favorite character out of all of them…so the lack of recognition for the fox pirate was…really sad. He looked around at the little televisions that covered a corner of the gray desk. The televisions were small, and were stacked on top of each other. The room was dark, save for a dinky little warm light in the middle of the small office. Even then, that little light only lit up most of the office. The hallways on either side required their own lights. That was how Scott could see if the animatronics were coming to send him a visit.

Scott knew these animatronics quite well. In fact, he was confident in saying he knew most of the ins and outs of this pizzeria. He had been hired as the security guard right before the pizzeria had opened. He remembered seeing one of those “Opening soon! Apply Now!” signs up on a bulletin nearby. He remembered giving in his resume, and meeting both Mr. Afton and his son Michael, in-person. He remembered that according to Mr. Afton, “Michael had an appointment today, and didn’t wanna go back to school.” He mentioned that his choices were to go to work with him or go back to school. And it appeared that Michael chose to go to work with him.

Scott was suddenly thrown out of his thoughts as a set of shuffling feet filled the hallway. Recognizing who the shuffling belonged to, Scott closed the left door before the animatronic could come in. With the fox locked out, Scott let out a breath of relief. He was safe.

But something was off…Usually Foxy would bodycheck himself into the door a few times before giving up. But…He wasn’t doing that this time. This confused Scott st first. Did the animatronic already give up? If so, what changed between now, and the last time he tried to get in? Was Foxy learning?

Scott clicked the light button to check the hallway. Sure enough, the hallway was completely empty.

Huh…These animatronics are a lot more clever than he thought…He quickly began to pray that he wasn’t underestimating the animatronics’ intellect.

Walking back to the desk, Scott checked the screens to try and find Foxy.

He checked the main dining hall, and found Bonnie. He was holding his red guitar, just staring at the camera. Scott chuckled somewhat awkwardly. Though he wasn’t sure if Bonnie could see it, Scott waved back to him.

Next, Scott checked the stage and found Freddy. Apparently he hadn’t moved from the stage yet. Feeling comfortable with Freddy’s position, Scott looked at another camera.

The bathrooms appeared to be empty. But the flash of yellow filled the screen when he switched to the kitchen camera. Chica and the cupcake were standing in the kitchen. Typical Chica wanting to cook in the kitchen…

He switched to Foxy’s cove, and tried to look inside the curtains. But based on the camera’s live recording and his own limited vision, Foxy wasn’t in there.

Wait…If Foxy’s not in the hallways, and not in the Pirate’s Cove…then where is he?!

Suddenly, Scott’s focus fell away from the screen as he heard something resembling a squeaky metal joint…

Oh God…Foxy’s right behind him…

Very slowly, Scott turned his head to look into the darkness behind him. The more he turned his head, the more he could see the white pupils from the animatronic…

The eyes began to tilt to the side. “Look at what we have heeere~”

Yup…That’s Foxy alright…

He heard a near identical squeak as the fox's body moved closer. His white metallic teeth protruded from his jaw, worsening Scott’s fear…He looked like he was going to bite him like an aggressive dog…a dog capable of standing on their hind legs…A dog that stands taller than most humans.

Scott turned the rest of his body around as he tried to calm himself down. It’s gonna be okay, Scott. Despite the size of his teeth, Foxy is not going to bite you. Those teeth are for aesthetics only. Mr. Emily would never program these animatronics to bite. That’s so against his nature. And Foxy was made to entertain kids! There’s no way he’d bite him!

…Right?

Suddenly, Scott’s thought process was interrupted as Foxy’s glaring face got closer to him. To make matters worse, Foxy’s teeth had opened up, making a couple of his back teeth slide together in an ear-piercing ‘schwing’ sound. This told Scott everything. Those teeth were not soft…they were made completely of metal.

Doubt about his previous theory began to fill Scott’s mind. If Foxy was never meant to bite, then why did Henry give Foxy two sets of metal teeth?!

“Ya scared, lil fella?” The fox asked him.

Though Foxy was staring into his soul, Scott had quickly noticed that the voice was coming from a speaker in his chest, rather than his mouth. But it didn’t change how terrified he was…not even slightly.

“Scared outta ya skin?” Foxy asked with an evil laugh.

Scott very slowly started to nod his head. He didn’t know what else to do. Nodding barely seemed like enough of a response.

“Shall we get this over with?” Foxy asked him.

Scott widened his eyes. Over with? Get WHAT over with?!

Scott’s spiraling mind was interrupted by the feeling of a hand and a hook sliding under his arms. “oOHNO-!” Scott gasped. And without any warning or preparation, Scott’s feet began to lift off the ground. “WaitwaitWAITWAIT!” He shrieked and shouted, kicking his feet. “FUCK- PUT ME DOWN!”

“Gotta pretty light booty on ya, matey!” Foxy reacted.

Despite how funny this phrase would be any other time, Scott refused to acknowledge it. All he cared about was the idea of his skull being crushed, and his life potentially ending in a matter of minutes. “HELP! HELLO?! HELP ME PLEASE!”

“You need help there, mate?” Foxy asked, sounding quite genuine.

Scott cried out again. “ANYONE THERE?! ANYBODY?! HELLO?!” Scott shouted.

Foxy’s ears wiggled slightly as he tilted his head. “Ya don’t know when to quit, do ya?” He asked.

Scott’s breathing increased as he stared into Foxy’s white pupils. “P-Please don’t hurt me…” He whimpered.

Foxy’s eyepatch closed over his own eye. “Ya said ya wanted help?” Foxy asked.

Scott gulped and bit his lip. “H-Huh?”

Foxy laughed a little bit, his lower jaw moving up and down. “I’d love to help a member of the crew!” He declared. “What do ya need help with, me hearty?” Foxy asked him.

“Uh-”

“Perhaps ya want help sweepin’ the deck?” Foxy asked him.

“What are you-”

“Or perhaps ya need someone to turn yer frown upside down!” Foxy offered.

“Ummmm-”

“Which will it be, chum? Cleanin’ up the old cobwebs? Or a good ol’ fashioned cheer-up?” Foxy asked.

“...I…I uh-” “Excellent choice!” Foxy raised Scott up slightly, before placing him somewhat roughly onto the chair. “One cheer-up comin’ right up!” He declared as he pretended to roll up his sleeves. “I’m gonna tell ya some special little jokes. And if ya laugh, then I’m doin’ my job right!” Foxy explained. “But if ya don’t laugh…” Foxy wiggled his left fingers. “Then I might just make ya~.”

Scott widened his eyes and gulped slightly. Oh no…Knowing Foxy, these were gonna be the classic kids jokes…And though he liked those jokes, they were never funny enough to make him laugh…And knowing how much kids tend to laugh hysterically at the jokes…

This is not gonna go well…

“Aaaalright! First joke:” Foxy cleared his non-existent throat. “Why is pirating so addicting?” Foxy asked.

Scott stared at him, still struggling to process the fact that he wasn’t planning on killing him.

“Well, they say once ya lose yer first hand, ya get hooked!” Foxy declared, shoving the side of his hook into Scott’s face.

Scott made no sound…he blinked once…he blinked twice…He did get the joke, but…he didn’t exactly start off with a bang…

“Well that’s a darn shame…How about this one:” Foxy offered.

Scott blinked and widened his eyes. Wait, he wasn’t gonna tickle him?

“What do ye call a pirate with two eyes and two legs?” Foxy asked.

Scott stared at him, not really sure. “A rookie!” Foxy replied as the comedic drum sound played through his chest speaker.

Scott’s confusion began to turn into slight boredom. Though he understood the joke, he just…didn’t find it funny.

“Well, looks like I gotta tickle it outta ya!” He declared as his hand suddenly squeezed and scratched at Scott’s side and belly.

Scott squeaked and curled up, pulling his knees up to his chest in a single moment. “Noho! GaAHAHA! Noho fair!” He squeezed his eyes shut as a giggle left his mouth.

“Look at that! Ya CAN laugh! And here I thought ya had a broken funny bone!” Foxy teased.

“Ihihit’s not funnyhyhy!” Scott tried to argue.

“Well somethin’s gotta be funny! You’re laughin’ right now!” Foxy reminded him.

“Yohohohou’re ticklihihing mehehehe!” Scott yelled back.

“Are ya sure about that?” Foxy clarified.

“Yehehehehes! Ihihihi cahahan feeheeheel ihit!” Scott tried to argue back.

“Are ya sure that’s not yer tummy making ya laugh?” Foxy asked next, adding his hook to the other side of his ribs.

“aAAH! YEHES!” He yelled back, shocked by his own reaction. Whatever Foxy was doing, was working way too well on him! “IHIHI’M SUHUHUHURE! I CAN FEEHEEHEEL YOHOHOUR HAHAHANDS RIGHT NOHOHOHOW!” Scott argued back.

Foxy’s eye widened. “Oh! Ya can, can ya?” Foxy asked, looking down at his own upper limbs.

“YEHEHEHESSS!” He shouted back. The poor guy was shaking his head and busting out in cackles of laughter every minute.

Foxy smirked. “If you could feel me hands, then you would know that I don’t have two hands.” Foxy stopped tickling him and showed Scott the hook. “No pirate is complete without their trusty hook!” He declared. “Call me a seasoned veteran!” He added rather proudly.

Scott’s laughter slowly began to die down as he stared at the hook. He couldn’t explain why, but something was telling him that the strong laughter he was experiencing was due to the fox’s hook rather than his hand. “Hehehe…Hehe…Haaa…” He hung his head.

“Geez, mate! I didn’t kill ya with me jokes, did I?” Foxy asked him.

Scott blinked a couple times, staring at him. “All that…just because I didn’t laugh at your jokes?” he clarified.

Foxy let out a laugh that sounded somewhat similar to Mr. Krabs. “Not exactly, Buccaneer. Mr. Afton himself told me to cheer ya up!” Foxy told him.

Scott raised his eyebrows. “Mr. Afton?” Scott tilted his head and narrowed his eyes. “You mean William?”

“Oh no no, not the captain of this joint.” Foxy shook his head. “The cabin boy.” He replied.

Scott stared at him, confused. “What?”

“Ya know, the youngin’.” Foxy explained, showing Scott the child’s general size with his hook.

Scott straightened his head. “Wait…The kids?” He asked next.

“Yeah!” Foxy replied, smiling slightly as a little shadow showed up behind Scott.

“Wait…” Scott pointed to the animatronic. “William has 3 kids. Which one is it?” Scott asked next.

And almost as if previously planned, Scott felt a pair of small and quick hands grab at his sides, before being followed up by a loud and proud “BOO!”.

“GAAAH!” Scott jumped about 5 feet in the air, before sprinting away giggling from the little skittering fingers. “Nahahaha! Whohoho-” He turned to look at the person, and let out a sigh of relief. “Oh…Michael, hi.” He reacted.

“Hi Mr. Phone guy!” Michael declared.

Scott chuckled awkwardly. “Uhhh…What are you doing here?” He asked, still surprised that a 13 year old was standing in his office.

“I wanted to surprise you!” Michael admitted. “Were you surprised?” He asked.

Scott shrugged his shoulders. “Yeah, I was. I was quite surprised.” He admitted.

Michael giggled rather evilly. “I guess we could say you’re ‘tickled’ about me being there?” Michael teased.

“Eyyyy! That’s my boy!” Foxy patted Michael’s head excitedly.

Scott sighed and shook his head. “I should’ve known…” He muttered. “Does your father know you’re here?” Scott asked him.

“Uhhh…” Michael bit his lip and looked away. “N-No…He doesn’t…” He admitted.

Scott sighed. “I’m gonna call your father.” He told him, picking up the phone and typing his boss’s number into the telephone. He raised the phone to his ear, and waited for it to stop ringing.

“Hello?” A familiar voice said on the other side of the line. “Hi Mr. Afton. It’s Scott Rogers. Michael showed up at the Pizzeria here.” Scott explained.

“He did?” Mr. Afton went silent for a moment. “Huh…I guess that explains why he’s a little late getting home.” Mr. Afton admitted.

“Yeah…If you can come pick him up, that’d be great.” Scott admitted.

“Sure, I can pick him up. It'll be about 20 minutes. Is that okay?” Mr. Afton asked.

“Yeah, that’ll be fine.” Scott replied.

“Alright. See you soon.” Mr. Afton said before hanging up the phone.

Scott put down his own phone and looked at Michael. “Your father’s on the way.”

“Aww…” Michael frowned and crossed his arms. “And I thought you were cool…”

Scott chuckled a little bit, smiling as he came to terms with the thought of essentially being called ‘not cool’ by a 13 year old.

“Well…I’m not the one who chose not to walk to the house…” Scott reminded him. “And I’m not the one who’s too ticklish to handle a robot fox.” Michael shot back, smirking as he crossed his arms.

Scott raised his eyebrows. Did he really just say that? Did he really just sass him?! Scott smirked slightly as an idea developed in his head. “Think you’re so tough, huh? I’d like to see you handle a robot tickle monster.” Scott replied.

“Yarrr! Ain’t that an idea!” Foxy declared.

Michael’s smile quickly dropped from his face upon hearing Foxy’s words. “Uh oh…” He muttered.

Scott raised an eyebrow. “Oh I’m sorry, did I just hear an ‘uh oh’ from the tough guy?” Scott asked.

Michael tensed up. “N-No…you didn’t.” He muttered, visibly losing his composure.

“Hey Foxy! Got any more jokes on you?” Scott asked.

“Well, me hearty! I thought ya’d never ask!” Foxy replied, throwing his hooked hand in the air with excitement. “What does the pirate say when he turns 80 years old?” Foxy asked.

Michael shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know.”

“Aye Matey!” Foxy declared excitedly.

Michael let out a quick exhale through his nose, and shook his head. “Wow…”

“Ya get it?” Foxy asked.

“That’s the best you can come up with?” Michael asked.

Scott smirked and laughed a little bit. Though, he wasn’t laughing at the joke…“Looks like Michael didn’t laugh. You know what that means, Foxy?” He asked with a smirk.

“Yarrr! Indeed I do! Ya learn quickly, Scotty-boy!” Foxy declared, before poking Michael’s sides. “I tickle the laughter out of ya!” Foxy declared.

Michael squeaked and struggled to cover up his sides. “NAHAhaha! Fohoxy dohohon’t!” Michael wiggled, trying to run away from Foxy’s hook and hand.

“Goodness, cabin boy! You’re a lot more wiggly than Scotty!” Foxy reacted. “Or even the captain himself!” Foxy added.

“I’ll say!” Scott reacted.

“FOXYHYHYHYHY! COHOME OHOHOHON!” Michael yelled out. “What’s wrong, Michael? Still feeling tough?” Scott asked next.

“Can’t handle a taste of yer own medicine?” Foxy asked.

“MEHEHEANIHIHIES!” Michael shouted at him. Scott chuckled. “Yeah yeah yeah…Talk all you want to, Mike.” He teased.

“Ya keep complainin’, and we may never stop ticklin’!” Foxy warned with a pirate-esque laugh.

“NOHOHOHO!” Michael shouted back.

This playful banter only lasted another 5 minutes, before Michael finally gave up. With Scott ordering Foxy to help, Michael was given a chair, a small cup of water, and a chance to recover before his father showed up. When William showed up to pick up Michael, Scott walked Michael from the office, up to the exit door. William hopped out of the car and playfully pushed Michael towards the car, before looking at Scott.

“Thanks for the help. And again, I’m sorry about all that. Michael’s getting used to walking home from school, and apparently he thinks he can go wherever he wants. Hopefully grounding him will be enough to kick him down a few pegs.” William told him.

“Yeah…Although, I didn’t mind having him there.” Scott mentioned.

William chuckled. “You’re a good man, Rogers.” William patted his back somewhat roughly. “I’ll let you get back to it, alright?” William replied.

“Alright. Good luck.” Scott told him as William walked away.

“Thanks! I’ll need it!” William replied as he got into the car.

Scott smiled and waved to them as the car started. Right as the car started to move, the backseat window rolled down, and a smaller head peeked out of the window. “Bye phone guy!” He yelled out the window.

Scott laughed. “Bye tough guy!” Scott yelled back.

“YEAH!” Michael showed off his bicep through the open window right as the car started to turn left. This made Scott laugh a little bit more.

Kids…Such playful, sassy creatures…

Yes, I'm writing a few more FNAF fanfictions. The problem I had before, is that everyone kept only asking for FNAF fanfictions. So naturally when trying to keep up with the prompts, I quickly got bored of writing the same characters. But now, I have checked my inbox and have found a large variety of fanfics. So, with that in mind, I think I can handle a couple more FNAF fanfiction prompts.

#pre-game five nights at freddy's 1 #phone guy is named Scott #bad pirate jokes #sneaking around #teenage rebellion #boys being boys #adolescent toughness #ticklefic #ler!foxy #lee!scott #lee!michael #teenage michael afton #fluff and humor

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