#boy that bitch sure has lotta names

[jugganautism]

someone on twitter proposed the idea of bill wearing long gloves/socks and i had to manifest it into reality

(tweet in question)

[that-one-xachster]

Megumi x Childhood Bestie!Reader Hcs

I've seen too many of these and needed to write a few heh ive actually never written hcs before so this is my first time 😅 kinda a slow burn?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

so first of all you were tsumiki's bestie because I haven't seen a hc like that yet (PLEASE I NEEDA SEE ONE OF THESE-)

and we'll also make fushi's mom besties with your mom

so now you two are besties since you were in diapers

and you were a very grabby baby and Fushiguro's hair is as wild as carpaccios from mashle-

(sorry not sorry)

so you'd just grab at his hair and pull it all the time which would annoy the hell out of him

which would then somehow end up in you two fighting

AS BABIES

and then your mother's would have to calm you down

and after the whole toji and mother fushiguro went bye bye your mom took in megumi and tsumiki

so now timeskip you're both 6 years old and just walking together from who knows where

and if you thought you grew out of these grabby tendencies no you're either grabbing his hair or his sleeve

yes it still annoys the hell out of him but you do it for shits and giggles

and then on this fine day you just happen to run into the gojo satoru

LMAO MY AUTOCORRECT ALMOST CAPITALIZED HIS NAME

anyway this guy is making his ever so iconic face like 'bro reminds me of his dad-'

anyway gojo doesn't know who you are so you're just standing there awkwardly behind megumi while you're now gripping his backpack

and you're just glaring at gojo for no reason at all for sure just thinking 'who the hell is this weird ahh man with hair like he's in his 70s tryna kidnap megumi 🤨🤨'

and ofc megumi pulls the 'what about my sister' card

and after the whole negotiation with megumi he turns to you and is like 'you can come along too ig'

and ofc you watch megumi so you pull the 'what about my parents' card

gojo's like 😀

anyway you somehow end up going to school with megumi and tsumiki and first day kindergarten no surprise you guys are the new kids

everyone I mean EVERYONE loves tsumiki ofc

a partial reason is because of you and megumi glaring at the people who you think are looking at her a lil funny

like sir ma'am CHILD how dare you

anyway you have a pretty peaceful elementary school

you do pick fights with megumi though

...and a whole lotta other people

you stopped in middle school but looks like megumi picked it up instead because yk he beat up a hefty amount of people

you stanned him for that

also hyping him up from the back

"YEAHH MEGUMI BEAT THEIR ASS"

"shut up."

"no."

".."

"anyway YOU GO MEGUMI BEAT EM UP-"

"sHUT-"

so that was pretty eventful but tsumiki did not approve which caused you to sulk next to megumi

but then yk she went to the cliff and shit went down real fast

tsumiki got cursed, you entered your depressed angsty teenager era, and megumi became emo. more so than he was before

"oh my god its worse than they thought- they made him EMO-"

^ thats megumi now but we all like pretty emo bois so

wItH tHeIr bLaCk hAiR aNd gReEn oRbS-

too bad megumi has blue eyes

>>>>>>

see this is why asians don't have blue eyes we'd be too powerful

anyway back to this you two finish middle school all swandy dandy but a lil depressed

oh and I don't think I mentioned you two got into a fight bc of tsumiki's sickness

like-

megumi: you're closer to tsumiki bc you two are girls why didn't you stop her from pulling random crap whatever she did to make her sick

you: BITCH you blaming ME? you wanna go?

yeah basically you two got into a stupid argument but oh well its fine bc gojo forced you two to talk again and yay you're talking again

and now first year into jujutsu tech you and megumi are the only students so you're still poking and grabbing him all the time

you did it less in middle school

I think we know why

like you're in the car going to a mission- his hairs being tugged

got off the car and walking his sleeve being tugged

everthing

literally everthing

my bros grown immune to it though so he doesn't really mind

he kinda likes it now but will never admit it

so let's say before you got ranked up and all your arm almost got blown off by a curse

needless to say tsumiki's accident really hit him hard so this hit him harder and when I say he got angry he got ANGRY ASF DUDE

like he freakin obliterated the damn curse

he also made it pretty painful

if you even can

and let his demon dogs casually eat it up

and you're just there like 👏👁️👄👁️

"it's not that deep bro-"

"yes it is"

gojo was very proud though

and now you're with him stalking itadori and you're like

woah

*1 braincell working*

itadori = fast

fast = speed

I am speed

ITADORI = LIGHTNING MCQUEEN

kachow

and when you finally confront your stalkee with megumi and itadori's like

"uh I'm mourning rn"

you're just

"thats great and all dude I totally feel you but you're gonna be mourning even more if we don't get our asses to your school"

you did not want to host multiple funerals

so you all speed ran to his school

and whoopsie doosies you're with megumi and itadori makes an entrance like the main character he is

and when my bro eats that finger

and gojo pops up

he throws the kikufuku at megumi

but its okay hope you have a good day imma send you bout 850-

LMAO SORRY

you steal the kikufuku from megumi and eat one as if its popcorn

well you're watching gojo and sukuna fight rn

and you accidentally admit out loud that sukuna's hot

and then megumi low-key side eyes you

BUT THEN HE STARTS FULL ON GLARING AT SUKUNA

bc how dare he some random goofy ahh old mf misongnyistic tatooed dude just steal your attention so casually

he's full on disgusted when he's face to face with sukuna

yes you notice this

you're like

"ooh did somebody get a crush on a thousand year old curse-"

"wtf no get some help"

its the opposite lmao but you don't know that

so then itadori turns back to normal gojo goes boop and he goes to sleep

and now you're here sitting next to megumi, eating Gojo's kikufuku and having the time of your life

holy this is so long imma do a part 2

fun fact my autocorrect always changes sukuna into skunk 🦨

smelly sukuna

[artzychic27]

🏳️‍⚧️Happy Pride From the Recess Class!🏳️‍🌈

Akuma Class

Science Kids

Austin A: Legally Blonde, but Gayer

Gender nonconforming, who has time to narrow down pronouns?

Does everyone’s makeup before Pride with Kendra and Victoria

Dyes his hair pink

Gives free haircuts, paints peoples’ nails, and dyes hair using spray-on dye

They just want everyone to look fabulous, is that so wrong?!

Dresses in only flag colors

Uses his mom’s credit card to buy binders for people

This is the only time of year he makes people simp. Not the other way around

And they are going to use it to their advantage

Dresses her chinchillas in drag

They. Look. Gorgeous.

He somehow escapes the Glitter Wars unscathed

Todrick Hall is her anthem

Austin B: Gaymer Gurl

AroAce and He/Him

Wears Croc Heelys to pride

He wanders off a lot, and it terrifies his boyfriends best friends

Brings Elizabeth III to every pride and dresses her in only the finest fashions

He buys her all sorts of pride-themed cat toys because she’s worth it

When people ask him on a date, Elizabeth III hisses at them

Casually getting adopted by drag queens after he casually tells them about his home situation

He’s granted entry to any drag house when he wants to get away from his “parents”. He’s got six moms now, and he will steal jewelry for them

He met a little girl with yellow eyes like him and she hugged him

All of Marceline’s songs are his anthems

Austin Q: Secret Mom Friend with Mommy Issues

Questioning & He/?

Tempted to put a leash on everyone

Especially Austin B because he won’t stop wandering off!

Austin Q: WHERE ARE MY BABIES?! Have you seen a little bitch in yellow glitter pants?! He’s a little ho, but I love him!

He supplies the snacks Austin T doesn’t make. He’s the main apple slice supplier

He also makes sure to bring apple juice. He just likes apples. “They’re good for you, Armsy!”

Cosplays as every redhead character- Penn Zero, Vicky, Melissa Chase, Mary Test, Black Widow, and more

He joins the muscle-flexing contests and wins a couple

Can carry Austin A, B, and T on his shoulders

Once again, everyone thinks the four of them are a poly couple

Austin Quinlan, Protector of Lesbians, Wielder of the Sapphic Sword, Kicker of Protesters’ Balls

Knows how to do a badass rainbow kick

Austin T: OUT OF THE WAY! I AM VERY GAY!

Gay & He/Him

Bakes all sorts of pastries for everyone and it’s pretty much the one thing everyone looks forward to

Seriously, this boy brings like twenty containers full of cupcakes, cookies, and pancakes (For the pansexuals, of course)

Not even protesters are immune to his cupcakes. But because he’s petty, they only get plain vanilla with no toppings

That’s how disappointed he is in them. Now they feel as though they’ve disrespected every deity

The drag queens, dykes on bikes, and just lesbians in general will kill for this baby

Casually name drops his parents any time a protester screams in his face

He and Jean reenact scenes from Phantom of the Opera

DJ threw a glitter bomb at him, and no one was safe

Wears Huggycake like a boa because she loves all the people, and she scares off homophobes

He met other reptile queers and now they’re having brunch

Lotta Jameson: Kick Buttowski, Queer Daredevil

Aromantic and She/Her

Gerard tinkered with her Vespa, and now rainbow glitter shoots out the pipes

Do NOT give her sugar. Seriously

She somehow sneaks onto floats

Austin Q: Lotta! Get down from there!/ Lotta: Be gay, do crimes!

Brings a baseball bat in case of transphobes

She has a shirt that says so

She did a bike jump over the protesters and dropped bags of glitter on them

Now she’s getting called Amelia Earhart by literally everyone

She got the aviator goggles and they’re pretty sure Amelia is a queer icon… Also, she sometimes goes missing in the crowd. She’s so short!

Austin Q: WHERE’S MY OTHER BABY?! SHE’S THE LITTLE GINGER BITCH IN GOGGLES!/ Lotta: Do you call all your babies bitches?

Kendra Anne Gunderson: Casually Spider-Man Kisses People… With Consent

Polyromantic and She/Her

Kendra is a bit of an icon

Known by all as “Hand-Stand Girl” because she walked only on her hands for the entire event

She has two drag queen uncles and her cousin is a beauty influencer in the queer community

Every time Kendra breathes, a lesbian meets her perfect match

Her eyeliner is on point

DJ lowers her down from buildings so that she can kiss pretty people… With consent, of course

Those two are always getting into some sort of trouble

They spray painted some transphobe’s car and put an egg in the slightly open trunk. It stunk up the car for days

When she’s not pranking protesters, she’s on the mom friend squad with Austin Q and keeping Austin B from wandering off

DJ Detweiler: The Drag Jester

Genderfluid, Bisexual, and He/She

Owns an assortment of pun shirts for every sexuality. No one knows how they come up with them

DJ: I came out to my dad./ Mason: DJ, NO!/ DJ: He told animal control he had a bison in his house!

Always accused of starting the Glitter Wars. She ain’t denying anything

As the name implies, he’s gonna prank the protesters and TERFs

So far, he got a TERF to sit on a whoopie cushion, tricked some dick trying to force himself on an Ace girl into kissing a frog, and made some homophobe think his foot went missing

Heads to drag clubs to do standup, and is probably gonna get a Netflix show when she gets older

DJ: Do you know the difference between a government bond and a homophobe? The bond matures.

Now he’s booked for seven shows throughout the month

He’s got a laugh like Sardonyx that makes people (Especially Mason) simp

Any time DJ laughs, a trans boy gets his soup

Austin Spinelli: Sneaking Out in Ballet Flats

Achillean and He/Him

Casually flirts with any guy he comes across

And he lays the Italian accent on THICK

Dresses in pinstripe suits and says he’s the boss of the Velvet Mafia

When he’s not in suits, he’s dressed in his ballet gear and doing ribbon dances

His splits are flawless

Any time Spinelli does a pirouette, a trans girl gets her wings

Any time Spinelli does a pirouette, a transphobe gets punched

When he’s got the time, and he always does, he does chalk art with the kids, and creates a literal mural

He’s always got time

The organizers loved his work so much, they commissioned a mural for a youth center

Knits beanies for everyone

Gia Griswald: You Ask, I’ll Tell

MtF Trans and She/Her

Her dad went with her to her first pride, and none of the protesters wanted to mess with the six foot tall military general war hero

Gets into flexing contests

Wears rainbow camouflage to every event

If she sees a scuff on your combat boots, she’s gonna clean them

Helped Gerard write his queer history book

In a club with other queer history buffs and they reenact iconic poses from history, but make them gay

She attended a military funeral with her dad during June, and the soldier being burried was a lesbian

Immediately, a bunch of freaks who probably stalked them went to protest. Gia flipped some bastard over her shoulder

Roger Raincomprix, the arriving officer, didn’t see a thing

She eats a crap ton of marshmallows

Victoria LaSalle: Queers on Wheels

Asexual, Bigender, and He/They/She

Decorates her wheelchair with all sorts of pride stickers

Rocks it every year in a crop top

Starts every glitter bomb fight. No one ever sees them coming

She’s just… She’s a goddex

Everyone wants to get a selfie with him. That’s how gorgeous he is

Out of everyone’s leagues

Teaches kids in wheelchairs how to pop a wheelie

Likes to answers kids’ questions

Kid: Are you a robot?/ Victoria: … Yes. Yes, I am.

Only Gerard has the privilege of sitting in his lap as he cruises through the crowd

Gerard Grundler: The Gay Genius

FtM Trans, Pan, Polyamorous, He/Him

He’s written a mini-pride history book with Gia. They got publishers lining up and everything!

Everyone is just so pretty

He bails during the Glitter Wars and takes cover in a coffee shop

Victoria’s gotta keep him from wandering off and possibly joining a cult because the members are pretty

Probably hacked into the medical system so people can have better access to hormones

Faints any time he sees Victoria in a crop top

Dresses in a lot of pride flag sweater vests no matter how hot it is

Victoria: Gerard, it’s ninety-/ Gerard: SWEATER VESTS RULE!

He builds robots to wave pride flags in sync

He and Rochelle protect the bugs

Mindy Blumberg: Opera is Gay as Fuck

Demigirl, Panromantic, They/She

Sings “Rainbow Connection” in an operatic fashion, and leaves everyone in tears

Carries Gia on her shoulders

She carries everyone on her shoulders, but mostly Gia

Will act as a human shield during the Glitter Wars because that’s how much she cares.

But the second Austin T gets his hands on a glitter bomb, she’s out

Hayley Kiyoko is her anthem

If you ask, they’ll hug you

Mindy gives amazing hugs

Everyone will die for this girl

Also, she’s weirdly poetic. It makes everyone wanna listen to her for hours

Is a pacifist, but she’ll give it to you straight if you mess with her friends

Rochelle Weems: That one person at pride who takes pictures of the protesters screaming at queer kids and posts them online for everyone to see

Demigirl, Polysexual, Ze/Zir

Brings zir Polaroid to make a scrapbook and blackmail protesters

Ze’s a rat, but a good kind of rat. The kind who makes sure homophobes and transphobes don’t get away with yelling at queer kids

Was self conscious about zir back brace until ze saw a drag king wearing a bedazzled one

Was roped into letting Austin A, Victoria and Kendra do zir makeup

Ze looked gorgeous!

Ze and Austin B share the good gossip with drag queens

In exchange, they get tickets to shows

Will kill for Austin T’s cookies

Just don’t let zir have too much sugar, otherwise ze will go crazy and start a cult based on cookies where everyone wears Cookie Monster bathrobes

It’s happened once before, and now ze’s under surveillance

Protects the bugs from getting stepped on and then places them in protesters’ hair

Ze saw this one guy about to take a swing at a lesbian, and promptly kicked him in the balls

Now ze’s got twelve new numbers in zir phone

Mason Ewing: The Most Organized Person At Pride

Bigender, Asexual, He/She

Brings a binder filled with horrific facts about conversion therapy to throw in the faces of protesters

Will talk the ear off of any protester about why they’re wrong about everything until they just walk away

Gets carried by DJ on her shoulders

Somehow knows where everyone is at all times

He teaches Rochelle how to walk in pumps and ze teaches him how to steal thirty candy bars

Brings sarcastic coffee thermoses

Paid Gerard to make her coffee maker battery operated, and now she brings it everywhere

She just pins an asexual flag pin on her tie and calls it a day. Though, if DJ asks, she will wear a pun shirt

DJ is the only one who knows how to make her laugh, and Spinelli’s taking bets on who will ask who out first

Beck King: Cosplays As Frida Kahlo

Nonbinary, Achillean, They/Them

The responsible chaperone when M. Grotke’s out of commission

Dyes their unibrow rainbow

Silently flirts with guys using eyebrow language

Cosplays as Clone High Frida Kahlo and the original Frida Kahlo. They just like Frida

Just casually flexing their muscles in front of hot guys, nothing going on there

Then the hot guys write their phone numbers on their hockey stick

Spinelli’s mentor in ‘The Way of the Achillean’

He makes crowns for kids

Any time a protester tries to attack them, they just suddenly disappear

People swear they’ve see men in black drag protesters away from Beck

Seriously, it’s like this guy’s got a whole security detail!

Alonzo Grotke: I Went to the First Pride, and All I Got Was This Brick

FtM Trans, Gay, He/Him

A well seasoned gay

Has a shirt that says “Papa Gay”

He’s total DILF getting hit on by every silver fox. He ain’t complaining, and they sure ain’t complaining when they get a look at his abs with that crop top

Seriously, this guy is ripped

The parade paused when one of the floats got a flat, and he just… He just made a whole bunch of guys simp by changing a tire, that’s all they’ll say

He’s the one keeping people at gay bars from getting roofied by creeps

Teaches meditation at the youth center

He gets hit on by the single dads, A LOT

Back in the day, he stole a police motorcycle and painted it rainbow. He passes out autographed copies of his mugshot because it’s such a good photo

His kids went to spy on his date with M. Monlataing and he pretended he didn’t notice

He passes mini water bottles to protesters since it’s ninety degrees out and he doesn’t want them dying of thirst despite everything

But, he does it with this smirk like, “Looks like I’m the bigger person here, losers. Namaste.”

[viscerawrites]

oc + wip directory

I have many many MANY OCs, but for the sake of this pinned post, I'm only going to mention the ones I hope to talk about/write about most! My characters are my fave part of writing and my wips are ever shifting so I figured this is more sensible haha. I do have a few actual wips tho!

here are my fanfic-to-oc adaptation fics that should hopefully get started up soon <3

---

main series wip - low life landing

smut-centric mini wips here

---

ERAPIAE:

Bronwyn Blearey (she/her) // human (eventual werewolf) & fereian minstrel in training. anger issues and a frankly ridiculous amount of trauma. if she's not living for herself then she's living to spite everyone who thought she'd be dead by now. scary gf of evie & noam.

Evesperangeline "Evie" Lallows (she/her) // human. shockingly cringe fail daughter of two sacred figures from a renowned cultes. looks weird, acts weird, and is proud of it. unironic family disappointment. loves bronwyn deeply but makes her worse.

Noamke "Noam" Vivendel (he/him) // human & fereian minstrel in training. golden retriever puppy boy built like a beanstalk. embodiment of sunshine on the outside and storm cloud on the inside. teenage dad but no one knows that. can't make bronwyn better but will hold her hand and hope that's enough.

Mia Bones (she/her) // half-demon raised to hate herself. subsequently a monster hunter. hater by nurture and nature. grows to love herself in time but is a category 4 bitch until then. lone wolf but not rlly. definitely does not like being subby what are you talking about.

Janikeia (she/her) // vampire & an assassin for the shadow walkers. always acts like she's joking even when she actually means it. definitely keeps blackmail material on literally everyone regardless of how much she likes them. the switchiest switch to ever switch but entirely focused on herself.

Rever Lachrymose (he/him) // religious cult survivor who still hasn't fully broken thru all his conditioned beliefs yet. this does not stop him from falling in love with an incubus (and also being dommed by said incubus).

Cathlis Deveron (he/him) // incubus with a genuine heart of gold and a hell of a lotta tattoos. definitely the embodiment of sin. doesn't trust rever at first but quickly realizes he's just a sweet man who needs a little guidance.

Michaelis ("Murderdoll") (actually he/him don't let the freak show fool you) // black eye of the mother. captured by a "freak show" and forced to present himself as a "terrible woman" named murderdoll. has gotten used to it. still jumps at the opportunity to rid himself of it.

Lenormand "Lennox" Enox (he/him) // human. lovey dovey devoted guy but like in a kinda stalkerish obsessive way. not normal in many ways. definitely masculine but Will melt when michaelis calls him a good girl and yknow,,, dollifies him.

---

ASSORTED OTHERS:

Dallon Saint Ichmere (he/him) // world of navaa // bastard son of the lord ames ichmere. his bff and only friend is his half sister amory. a loved bastard child but still expected to bear the brunt of everyone's ridicule. hates this but is weirdly into it when it's syselli insulting him.

Syselli (she/her) // world of navaa // former child soldier turned right hand woman of the mercenary prince katalan. sadistic and kinda sorta psychopathic but she's trying, for the most part. only realizes she cares abt dallon when she feels guilt for the first time.

Asher Kain (he/him) // contemporary fantasy // survivor of severe abuse who refuses to acknowledge this. typical human who somehow suddenly gains the ability to see into the otherworld. also somehow acquires a werewolf bf, a demon gf, and 4 nonhuman children. he's not entirely sure how he got here.

Eden Jade Heller (she/her) // portal fantasy // kidnapping victim who kills her captor after 9 years, gets dragged into a fantasy world, and becomes a dark god. naturally she's got some problems.

[benbamboozled]

Had an idea a while back for a series of one-shot fics of Jason Todd meeting members of the Endless throughout his life.

Death is the only one currently done, and I feel like posting it so here it is!

Death

(And a boy named Jason Todd)

“Jason.”

A gentle hand on his shoulder.

A soft voice in his ear.

“It’s over.”

Jason Todd opens his eyes.

He’s on his knees in the ruins of the explosion. His body’s lying in a heap in front of him, which explains why he’s not hurting anymore.

His body.

His very clearly dead body.

The woman who spoke is standing next to him.

Goth Classic, but she kills it—pun intended. Black hair, black shirt and jeans.

Eye makeup that probably would have been a bitch and a half to draw, but he’s pretty sure she doesn’t have to worry about that.

She’s pale. Too pale.

He’d ask her what she’s doing there, but. Well. It doesn’t exactly take the World’s Greatest Detective to figure out who she is. And who she’s there for.

Anyway.

She seems nice. Kind.

Jason stands up, brushes nonexistent dirt off of his suddenly pristine suit.

He has a lot of questions.

What about Sheila?

What about Bruce?

What about-what about-what about—

What about him? Jason Todd, he’s Jason Todd, and he’s Robin, and…

What about him?

The questions dry up in his mouth as he looks again at his body.

His body.

Probably stupid questions anyway.

He tries to think of something to say about the whole situation, because it seems like the sort of situation where he should say something.

“At least I left a pretty good looking corpse.”

She nods after appraising it, like she has to give it to him.

“True. One of the best I’ve seen, considering.”

She doesn’t seem to be in a hurry, which he appreciates.

“Lotta work to kill some kid, right? I’m just saying, beaten and blown up? Kinda seems excessive.”

She crosses her arms, raises her eyebrows, like someone has to call him on his bullshit, but she’s still smiling.

“We both know you aren’t just some kid.”

He doesn’t want to argue, not with her, so he settles on, “I guess.”

He always kinda thought, when it happened, he’d be relieved. His life hadn’t exactly been sunshine and rainbows—he’d spent most of it lonely, scared, angry, or new and exciting combinations of the three. Sometimes he only got through because he knew, one day, he’d get to rest.

But.

“I don’t want it to be over.”

“I know.”

“Do you…”

He thinks about holding back, but, hell, why not? Might as well take the leap.

“Do you think he’ll miss me?”

“I do,” she says, and he knows in whatever is left of his being that she really means it.

“I think they all will, very much. You’re a good kid.”

Jason studies the body on the floor. Another death he couldn’t stop. Another person he couldn’t save.

Another failure.

“Was it even worth anything?”

He’s asking about Robin.

Trying.

So hard.

To do good.

To be good.

Then he realizes, no, he doesn’t just mean that.

She answers the question that he’s really asking, because of course she does.

“Everyone’s worth something, Jason.”

It sounds so much like something he would say, it makes Jason want to cry. But he can’t, not anymore.

Crying is for the living.

He’s past that.

“Okay,” he says instead. He almost means it.

“Okay. I’m ready.”

She smiles. It’s the kind of smile that makes him feel a little braver. A little stronger.

He takes her hand.

Hears…

Wings. The rush of air, beating back the world.

He smiles.

For a second, for a lifetime, he’s flying.

Like a—

[svtinq]

omg i love ur hs headcanons, can i request like the genshin boys but as substitute teachers? preferably childe, zhongli, itto, diluc, xiao and kaeya plss - if thats too much its fine!!

teachers? oml bloody genius

genshin boys as substitute teachers (ft. DCKZ + xiao and itto)

Diluc

"good afternoon everyone"

grumpy

"quiet when I take the role, I want no funny business."

probably leaves the class alone most of time bc he has "emails to send"

sighs so mf loud when the class gets too loud

sipping his black coffee every two seconds while he's typing away on his computer

established the fact that he can answer your questions at the start of the class bc he has a "literature degree" even though he's taking a physics class

looks busy and scary enough that no one approaches him w/ their "literature" questions

wearing a low buttoned black shirt and hair tied back in a low ponytail

he's the teacher u wanna get a piece of ifykyk

girls and gays be whispering about him after class

actually a really good teacher, very coherent and answers the question

Childe

"oh let me see what you guys are doing..."

the P.E teacher sub who forgot they had to be here.

turns the air con on SO HIGH and is still sweating

forgets to take the role until theres 10 minutes left of the class

let's you out 5 minutes if you promise not to "trip and die" in the five minutes left bc he doesn't want to get sued.

super chill, i promise you that you will get no work done

has those casual conversations with the class, the vibe turns grey after you figure out he has a fiance.

too dumb w/ a lack of credentials to answer literally anything so he insists the questions you ask him aren't included in his paycheck

"trigonometry? oh yeah .. no"

if you are picking subjects/university courses, expect him to give a big lecture about taking sports science or coaching

Kaeya

"shoosh, shush shushs sushsuuhs shhhhhh"

" you guys are giving me a bloody migraine"

the sub that everyone loves

you hear cheering when he walks into the room

sits down and rolls his eyes before proceeding with the role call - he knows he's iconic

drippyy

"so rachel what's up with you and bryan?"

adopts and i mean adopts every child

will be patrolling at lunch and get bombarded

wanted to leave the school one time but the kids protested

very attractive, 10/10 teacher crush material

zhongli

he's a chinese teacher with the cutest accent

zhongli is like unintentionally funny, theres just too much of a cultural difference

when substituting for an english class he walks in, stares at everyone, smiles and nods before sitting down and not saying a word for the rest of the lesson

"a-aron"

mispronounces literally every name on the role, not just the exotic ones

will see a chinese last name on the roll and his face lights up

proceeds to have a conversation in chinese on the spot while everyone is just confused

also very attractive and always well groomed

bitch comes to teach in a suit every day

if you get him at the end of the day and he's tired, your tired, seeing him taking his suit jacket off and loosening his tie is gonna keep you awake ALL NIGHT - different kind of caffeine bro

xiao

tired substitute

studying to teach chemistry/physics cause I swear the science department is always on their last line

seeing him not be tired and smile is like seeing a shooting star bitch, you better wish you could take a picture

has tattoos and is forced to cover them up, but he fucked the system and still wears sleeveless tops and turtlenecks anyway

NECK TATTOO PLS

apprentice teacher so he's really young and seggsy ijsnvils n burnt out ig

"oh you need help with this one?"

talks in the deepest and calmest voice and leans over your shoulder to read the question

the guys don't really like him, oh i wonder why?

this sexy asian man is the standard be sure to ask a lotta questions ;)

itto

retired athlete

he probably played rugby

the girls would be asking questions and accidently find out his athlete profile

known around the school and sticks out like a sore thumb, a big thicc thumb

doesn't care if the class if loud asf but the teachers next door always tell him off

"okay so we're gonna have to turn the volume down by like 35 okay?"

yeah no he's not gonna be able to answer any questions but he tries really hard

the younger year levels bully him while the older ones drool over him

if you come to school early enough he'll be in the school pool swimming laps or running on the track field

forgets to call the role, the administration is not happy with him lmao

"so how was everyone's weekend?"

wears tank tops and basketball shorts to school

goes wack on house spirit day - #1 contender to be voted to wear the school dress

the head of the sports department is really done with babysitting him

[sanderssideswriting]

ship: prinxiety, background intrulogical

genre: fluff

warnings: swearing, like one sexual innuendo, very breif mention of murder (as a joke, this is fluff after all) 

summary: Radio AU where Virgil runs the 11-1 am radio on his college and every night someone calls to complain about his music selections and request disney, and Virgil never plays disney.

Virgil sat in his swivel chair and put on the headphones “sup bitches I’m back and this time with like three monsters because finals are a bitch and sleep can suck my dick. The first song of the night is Lotta True Crime by Peneople Scott. Why? Because I say it is that’s why.” Virgil put the song on and worked on his final project as the songs played.

The phone rang and Virgil groaned and checked the number. This dick again. He picked up and put it on air since people seemed to love listening to him and disney guy argue. 

“listen asshole if you want to listen to Disney so fucking badly then apply for a spot and stop calling me.”

there’s a laugh “how about you just play some disney then? if you do I’ll stop calling. Because your music taste sucks.”

Virgil rolls his eyes “bitch apply for an opening and have a disney hour. And let me listen to my music, because not everyone loves fucking disney.” 

“Well many people do so why not play one song.”

Virgil snorts “first no, and second if I had to I’d make everyone regret it and play let it go.”

“Let it go is great!”

“bye bye Princey, stop calling”

Virgil hung up “and since Princey called you know what we’re playing? MCR because I know he hates it. So this one’s for you princey, up next after this ad because this place needs money. By the way if you’re not a broke bitch donate because this job is like kinda decent and I like making you all listen to the music I like. Blood by MCR is up next” Virgil played the ad and leaned back in his chair.

“Why do you take his calls if you know he’ll just be annoying?” Janus asks in class.

Virgil shrugs “since it started I get more listeners which is good for the station.”

“I think it’s funny, cause you two have cute pet names for each other, princey and emo nightmare” Remus says.

Virgil elbows him “they’re not pet names.”

“they are,” Janus says, moving so Virgil couldn’t elbow him.

Roman waits to dial the number, he had to admit he sort of enjoyed his and emo nightmare’s conversations, who refused to reveal his name or grade.

At first they’d been annoying and he’d genuinely complained about all the emo music and asking to play disney but it’d soon become a nightly ritual, that had very quickly ruined Roman’s sleep schedule.

He dialed the number “seriously, why all the emo music, emo nightmare?”

“you just answered your own question princey, why the obsession with disney songs princey? See? Sounds fucking stupid.”

Roman sighs dramatically “you wound me emo nightmare. But seriously what’ll it take to get you to play ONE disney song?”

“a hundred grand, that’s how much the station needs to keep running, do that and I’ll play ONE disney song.”

“four.”

“Three songs and a hundred and fifty grand, fifty grand per song. final offer. and I get to pick the songs.’

Roman nods “deal,”

“oh and, you have until the end of finals to get the money donated, and I’ll make the gofundme, not you.”

That’s like a month and a half away Roman thinks I’ll have enough time. “sure thing emo nightmare.”

Roman’s emo hung up. He smiles like an idiot.

“Why not ask him out? it’s clear you’re fond of him” Roman’s roommate Logan says from his side of the room.

“ask out a guy I don’t even know the name of? yeah sure” Roman snorts.

“what? Scared you’ll be rejected? I cannot believe I’m saying this, but Roman I am getting more dick then you have been ever since you started talking to your radio boy.” Logan says in an even tone.

Roman pretends to gag “you don’t need to tell me how much you and my brother have done it Logan, you two being together is enough for me to want to bleach my eyes.”

“you’re no better whenever you’re going out with someone, or even hooked up with a slightly above average guy.”

Remus barged in “Loooo I need help studying.”

Roman stood up “that’s my queue to leave.”

Remus watches Roman go “so what where you two talking about?”

“oh you know, he’s still calling the campus radio station to ask for disney songs” Logan says.

“Wait, Roman is Princey?” Remus asks, he starts laughing

“Yes? You didn’t know?”

Remus cackles “no! oh this is great! My best friend Virgil does the 11 to 1 radio, he’s Emo Nightmare and Roman is his Princey”

“We could set them up, Roam is so lovesick, I swear he’s head over heels for him and he hasn’t even met Virgil” Logan says.

Remus gasps “this is why I love you! Of course we’re going to set them up.”

Logan and Remus came up with a plan, they’d invite Roman and Virgil to a study session and then never showed up, leaving Virgil and Roman to wait.

Virgil puts on his headphones and starts loudly playing panic at the disco and reading over his shitty notes.

Someone taps him on the shoulder “hey can you turn the emo shit down, I’m trying to study and it’s really loud.”

Virgil turns it down a bit “that good?”

he nods “yeah, where you also ghosted for a study session?”

“Yeah I was, my best friend and his nerdy boyfriend where supposed to help me study, they probably forgot all about me.” Virgil says.

“Logan And Remus? Remus is my brother and Logan’s my roommate” Roman says.

“Yeah, well since we’re both here we could study together if you want” please say no please say no.

“Sounds good!” Roman says.

Fuck.

Virgil and Roman studied for awhile and Virgil very slowly started warming up to Roman. “ah shit I have to go, see you round I guess” Virgil says packing up his stuff, he wanted to have some alone time before his shift.

“ok Bye Virgil,” Roman says packing up, he had to go do his own thing, which would probably end up becoming a quick nap before his emo nightmare started his turn being the radio host.

Virgil sat in the chair “what up bitches, so far the goal has 10k, so no disney tonight, or ever because this is on a time crunch and 150k is a fuck ton of money for broke college students. And now onto Fuck you by Lily Allen. Why? Because she’s underrated and because I said so.” Virgil played the song.

Virgil got the call around 12:30 “you’re calling later then usual princey, and no, no disney tonight.”

“Oh I was just about to ask. And also I was asking how to find the gofundme.”

“It’s on the UCLA radio website, can’t miss it. Now let me do my fucking job” Virgil hung up and played MCR as was tradition.

What he didn’t know was Roman recorded the phone call and posted it everywhere he could anonymously and waited.

Virgil checked the go fund me in the morning “it has fifty k already?! What the fuck? Princey what did you do?”

Virgil waited for the nightly call “Hey what the fuck how is the goal at sixty k? How the fuck princey?”

He laughed “I asked the internet for help, I think most of it’s from tiktok, you’re going to have to play disney emo nightmare”

“fuck you princey and your stupid obsession with disney.”

“you have an obsession with my chemical romance and Brendon Urie”

“name three other artists I play on here then bitch.”

“Mother Mother, Lily Allen and as of late Derivakat” Roman says without hesitation.

Virgil was speechless for a second, then hung up. “fucking bitch, you guys know what time it is” he played Teenagers.

A week and a half passed and the funds had slowly been going up, and Virgil and Roman’s calls continued nightly as usual.

Virgil and Roman met up a few times to study for finals, sometimes with Remus and Logan, sometimes without.

the goal just barely missed the end of finals. Virgil smirked “No disney today, or ever because you people missed the goal byyyyy” Virgil checked the go fund me “three thousand dollars. I’d say better luck next time but there won’t be a next time.” he chuckled. The phone rang and Virgil picked up, knowing it was Princey.

“oooh too late princey no disney songs during my shift.”

“you might want to check the gofundme one last time my dear emo nightmare.”

Virgil refreshes the page “first of all, I’m not yours bitch second- what the fuck, how?” the goal had been met.

Roman laughs “play the disney emo. Play. The fucking. Disney.”

Virgil could tell he was gonna gloat so he hung up.

Virgil grumbles and gets the disney queued “ok fine the goal was met, so time for my suffering, I have queued Fixer Upper from Frozen because it’s a shitty song with a shitty message. Make a man out of you because I like Mulan and for everyone’s inconvenience I have How Far I’ll Go so have fun with that stuck in your head.”

Roman was a bit insulted when Emo nightmare hung up on him, so he called him back once the songs had ended “wasn’t so hard was it?”

“for you maybe, it was for me,” Virgil hung up and blocked the number.

Over the Summer both Virgil and Roman found themselves missing their talks. Roman so much so he applied for one of the newly opened spots for the next semester from 2-5 pm.

Virgil drove onto campus at 4, putting on campus radio and was met with disney. the song ended and the new host spoke “and I hope everyone liked that, up now is a short commercial break.”

Virgil nearly swerved off the road and pulled over and called the station.

Roman picked up. “Hey what the actual FUCK?” Virgil says as soon as he does.

Roman laughs “oh how the tables have turned Emo Nightmare”

“I hate you, I fucking hate you what the actual fuck princey”

he laughed more “You yourself said that working here is nice, and there was an opening, so I took it. You should be happy, I mean now I won’t brother you about playing disney.”

Virgil frowned “yeah yeah, whatever princey have fun with that.”

“oh I will emo nightmare, I absolutely will.” Roman hung up feeling happy in a way he hadn’t felt all summer.

Virgil unpacked his stuff in his new dorm, he was a little pissed but also excited. Maybe he and princey would finally meet face to face. Why am I excited about that? I hate him, at the least he annoyed me every day for months, but he did raise a bunch of money. Even if his disney obessed ass is super annoying.

Roman walked in at 6 “hey Virgil, I’m guessing you’re going to be my roommate?”

Virgil looked up from his laptop “I guess, don’t take my monsters from the fridge and we’ll be golden, or blast disney 24/7″

Roman chuckled “what do you have against disney?”

“Micky Mouse killed my parents in front of me after I said that Merida was my favorite princess.” Virgil said dryly.

Roman chuckled “that’s why I dedicated my life to the mouse.”

“That’s why I swore to get my revenge on the mouse.”

“I won’t blast disney 24/7 but you can’t blast your emo music.” Roman says

Virgil snorted “dude I have the worst anxiety I don’t even own a speaker. so you don’t blast your music, I won’t blast mine and we’ll be fine.”

“Deal,”

Roman called that night like always and Virgil was ready “aww Princey, did you miss me that much?”

“not really, but I’m still trying to get you to willingly play a disney song.”

Virgil rolled his eyes “you know what, it’s a new year, time for a new leaf, I’ll humor you princey and play a disney song.”

“wait really?”

Virgil queued up Mad At Disney “no.” he hung up and the song started.

Virgil and Roman went back to their usual routine of lowkey flirting with each other during Virgil’s shift, and sometimes during Roman’s.

They where getting along well as roomates but hadn’t figured out that they where each other’s Princey and emo nightmare.

Somehow he and Princey had gotten into an argument about if Cruella would be a good or bad movie. Roman had hope it would be, Virgil wasn’t so convinced.

“Princey, she is a completely evil character, she can’t be redeemable, she shouldn’t be. She wanted to make puppies into a coat, that’s fucked up. There’s no black and white she’s bad and that’s that.”

“Maybe if you gave the movie a chance!”

“fuck no! did you not hear what I just fucking said?”

“then how about we see it then we can see who’s right?”

“fine, I’m free at three this Satuday.” Virgil said, way too caught up in the moment.

“same, see you then emo nightmare, I’ll be by the doors waiting.”

“fine, but I’m going to be right.”

“then it’s a date!”

“I guess it is!” Virgil hung up.

he didn’t realize he’d said yes to going out on a date with a guy he didn’t even know until the next day.

The whole campus was freaking out about it since the station had blown up quite a bit because of Virgil and Roman’s nightly arguments. 

Roman left early, he’d dressed up a bit, and had a disney shirt with a little crown logo on it, it wasn’t that obvious but he figured it’d be telling enough.

Virgil put on a bit more eyeliner then usual and fishnets under his ripped jeans but that was about it, he chose to be petty and waited until about 3:20 to go to the doors where Roman wait waiting.

Virgil walked passed him at first. Roman saw him “emo nightmare?”

Virgil stopped “are you fucking kidding me?” he got a few glares from parents. “You’re princey? my fucking roommate?”

“I did not plan that, but yeah I am, and you’re my emo nightmare.”

Virgil rolled his eyes “still not yours princey, come on the movies about to start.”

They exited the movie and Virgil grinned “I fucking told you it’d be bad, I told you!”

“yeah yeah, you did it was bad. Want to get some coffee?”

“sure, I’ll pay,” Virgil said casually.

Roman grinned “I’ll win you over one day my emo nightmare.”

“stop begging me to play disney music and maybe you will.”

[couchpotatoaniki]

One Year ❣︎ Seven: Never Ask Friends for Help

Chapter Summary: As San expected, he caught a cold after your little prance through the storm in Hallim Park the previous day. Luckily, you're fine, which gives you the wonderful opportunity to look after him and the even more wonderful opportunity to let your chaotic nature shine.

Pairing: Mafia!San x Fem!Reader Genre: Mafia AU, fluff, angst, eventual smut, lotta crack and stupid shit ngl Chapter warnings: swearing, (this chapter is pure fluff and crack) Word count: 3.2k+ A 365 Days parody

Previous: Chapter Six For the rest of the series, click here

Speech in bold means they’re talking in Korean

Speech in italics is whatever the reader wants their native langue to be that’s not Korean or English

Speech without either means they’re talking in English

Silence filled your room when you woke up the next morning. It was strange, since San had said he would be waking you up, and there you were, still lying in bed by the time noon rolled around.

It wasn’t as if you were waiting for him to come and get you, but you just wanted to take advantage of the time in such a warm blanket. Yeosang often joked about how you became a cold-blooded reptile whenever you felt sleepy, body temperature dropping and your tongue sharp like that of a snake.

Basically, it was his long-winded way of calling you a cranky, heat-stealing bitch.

Not that you minded at all, since Yeosang was a cranky bitch himself when sleepy.

But then half an hour passed, and there was still no sign of San. Throwing the blanket off your form, you slipped on a pair of slippers and got ready for the day, finding him becoming the very next thing on your agenda.

And the state you found him in was certainly laughable--to you anyway.

“Did you seriously get sick after a little storm?” you chuckled, eyes taking in San wrapped in the covers as if he was a baby, sniffling every few seconds.

“Oh, shut it,” he glared at you, speaking with a nasally voice.

You took a step into his room, one looking fairly similar to yours, with little pictures or much personalisation in general. Must not have stayed here often then, or had many memories he wanted to keep.

That thought... it made you feel a little sad.

Once you reached the edge of his bed, you sat down beside him, noticing just how sickly-looking he was. Skin paler, hair sticking to his forehead from the sweat, flush cheeks and nose, uneven breathing, soft whimpering.

Your smile faded slightly. “How long have you been like this?”

“Since last night,” he coughed, brushing away your hand as you reached out to check his temperature. “Don’t touch me, I don’t want you to catch whatever this is.”

Clicked your tongue at his response and did so anyway. “Holy shit, you’re burning up. More than you should be. Has anyone seen to you yet?” Instantly, you brushed the hair from his eyes, simultaneously wiping away the sweat. Was pretty gross, but you didn’t mind at all.

San relaxed under your gentle touch, finding it cool and soothing against his muddled senses. “N-No. I texted Hongjoong to tell everyone to leave me alone. Clearly didn’t do a good enough job if you’re here.”

Lightly hitting his chest over the blanket, you scoffed. “You’re happy I’m here, don’t lie.”

Grinning, he sighed. “Can’t hide anything from you, now can I, Hun?”

“Nope,” you huffed as you got up. “Now, I’m going to prepare something for you to eat since you probably haven’t had anything since yesterday.” On cue, his stomach grumbled painfully loudly, making the man visibly cringe as he was about to decline your offer so you would stay with him for a little bit longer. “Looks like Mister Tummy’s already answered for you.”

“Mister Tummy doesn’t know shit.”

“Mister Tummy knows more shit than you do. In fact, it processes all of your shit for you.”

“Gross.”

“I know. Mister Tummy’s gross. But full of wisdom.”

“You know what, just go. Leave me be for a bit.”

Evil chuckling reached his ears. “Now that you’ve said it, I’ll just be here to annoy you as much as I can. But before we do that, keep yourself bundled up and make sure you’re sweating buckets. It’s the most effective way to break a nasty fever like that.” You began wrapping him up in the thick blanket like he was a burrito.

With that, you left for the kitchen, calling Seonghwa’s number. As the ringing continued, you looked around, noticing how there were few guards and servants around the place. Not even Wooyoung, Jongho, or Hongjoong could be seen in your trek to make food.

“What do you want, troll?”

“You’ve got to stop calling me that. Whatever happened to ‘hello’? Too mainstream for you?”

“...Hello, troll. What do you want?”

Narrowing your eyes ahead of you, smirk pressing against your lips, you tried to look around for the chef. Not there either. “Much better. Now, can you give me a recipe for that soup with ‘magical healing properties’ you used to give me?”

“Bone broth?”

“Yeah, that one.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m on adventure to nurse a sociopathic cuddle-demon back to health, now are you going to give me the recipe or am I going to get Yunho to drag it out of you? Because I know very well that he will.”

Seonghwa’s sigh was loud enough to be audible through the phone.

“I’ll take that as a ‘yes’. Just text me the recipe, thank you, love you, byeeeeee.” Immediately ended the call, looking in all the cupboards, the pantry, the fridge, and the freezer. This place was stocked to the brim.

Shortly after, your phone began buzzing, Seonghwa requesting to video call you. Swiping the green button, you were met with a (slightly laggy) picture of Seonghwa’s chin, hearing him yell off screen. “--UNHO. MINGI. I SWEAR TO GOD, YOU BETTER PUT THAT DOWN BEFORE I SHOVE IT UP BOTH YOUR ASSES.”

You could make out the response, “Hehe, kinky.” Most likely Mingi from the very nature of the comment.

“What do you want, troll?” you echoed his words back to him, catching his attention--the other boys most likely long gone into the depth of the house.

“Well, well, well, how the tables have turned,” he smirked, moving the camera so you could see him better.

“It’s ‘how the turntables’.”

He looked at you with an unimpressed expression, not pleased with your Office reference, and carried on to ignore it. “So there is no way in hell I’m sending you the recipe through text, since people can easily hack that--”

“And by people, you mean--”

“Yeosang, yes, who else? Little rat bastard keeps trying to steal my recipes.”

“I’ll be sure to tell him you said that.”

“As if he hasn’t heard it already about a million times.”

You chuckled in response, knowing how true it was. “Fair enough. Now spill your secrets and bless me with the ability to cook.”

One word to describe the last hour of your life would be... Well, you couldn’t really think of a word. It was purely of Seonghwa screaming over the phone and you screaming back. And panicking. Both of you definitely panicked.

But all in all, the bone broth was made and tasted fairly decent--a worry you had after fucking up so many times in making a simple recipe.

With a pale and dreary look upon his face, Seonghwa looked at you through the phone, narrowing his eyes on you pouring some of the hot mixture in to a bowl. “You’re actually gonna feed him that? Sure you’re trying to nurse him, or was this a master plan to kill him after that ordeal? Because if it’s the latter, then there were much easier ways of doing so.”

“Shut up,” you grumbled, whispering prayers in your head that it would actually help San’s fever. “And goodbye.”

“Woah, woah, woah. Is that it? You’re gonna use me and then lea--”

You hand pulled away from the phone screen, after having pressed the red button. Chuckled to yourself with your comedic timing, completely forgetting the earful you’d get of the elder the next time you call him.

Gathering a tray, you placed the bowl of bone broth on top of it, as well as a packet of painkillers, a glass of water, and some turmeric tea; why San has it, you have no idea, since he seems to be a hot coffee-kind of person.

Would’ve added a flower, because you felt like being extra, but that would seem more like a romantic thing than a... well, whatever the hell you two were right now.

This situation wasn’t exactly common enough for it to be given a name.

Wafting away the thought, you grabbed the tray and walked quickly to the mobster’s bedroom. Didn’t need to worry about any spillage since you’ve had years of practice being quick and precise with movement.

Holding one hand beneath the tray (feeling a little heavy, but again, you’ve had practice), you used the other to open the door, finding San still swaddled in his blanket, sweating like a pig.

“Y/N...” he whimpered, an eye opening at the sound of you entering. Seeing him in such a vulnerable state was different to how he usually was--and you weren’t sure if you liked it.

“I’m right here, San,” you replied in a soft tone, brushing back his hair once more as soon as you placed the tray on the bedside-table beside you. “Brought you some food too. Can you sit up for me?”

Letting out soft whines, he tried to lift his body up, but was too weak and too caged in to get his back even a centimetre off the mattress. You saw the issue, and pulled the covers apart slightly so he could move a little more, both hands pulling gently at his shoulders so he could sit up properly.

Never had you seen someone this unwell from a simple fever. Sure, you’ve felt like shit before, but San’s condition was a little worrying. “Is there some private doctor I can call?”

“What,” he huffed, a smile etching onto his face as he looked into your eyes, “makes you think I have a private doctor?”

“Oh, I dunno, you’re a rich asshole?”

Chuckling, he let his head flop to the side, neck suddenly too weak to hold it up properly. “You’re beautiful, you know that? Annoying, but funny, but sarcastic, but beautiful.”

“Okay, do you wanna continue with that word vomit or are you gonna eat?” You cocked your brow, head tilting to match his posture. “Also, you’re not gonna flatter me by calling me beautiful. That shit doesn’t work on me anymore.”

It had slightly upset San knowing that you had said ‘anymore’--upset him knowing that there were others complimenting what his. But he couldn’t blame them. You really were beautiful in his eyes, even if he hadn’t thought so when he initially laid eyes on you.

“Don’t wanna eat.”

Sighing, you fixed yourself and picked up the bowl, mixing it as you blew to cool it down a little. “You’re not well, you gotta.”

He looked at you with big wide eyes and a small pout--and you couldn’t help but think it was a little cute. “Don’t wanna... unless you feed me?”

Okay, maybe it was a little less cute.

You exhaled, still stirring. “If I do, then you’ll have it all?” He put his hand over his heart, nodding with a sincere look on his face. “Fine then.” You lifted a spoon full of the bone broth to his lips, which he look into his mouth promptly--eyes glued to yours as he did so.

San hummed earnestly. “It’s...actually pretty good.”

Eye twitching, you lightly pushed him. “Why? Did you expect it to be shit?”

“I mean, I heard faint screaming and what I assume was swearing, which could have only come from you because I let everyone have a day off for today. So, yes, forgive my assumption that it would murder me,” he chuckled, opening his mouth once more, in which you carefully put more broth in.

“Be happy that I’m doing this much for you.”

“Because you feel guilty for getting me ill?” 

“No, it was your fault for not taking a hot shower when we came back, like I told you to--and your immune system for being so shit.”

“Okay, first of all, I can’t help it if my immune system wants to act out. I usually don’t get this ill.” You sent him a ludicrous look, continuing to feed him. “What? I really don’t!”

“Tell that to the rain.”

“I-- nevermind. But the second thing is that I offered to take a shower, but you said no!”

“That’s because you wanted to shower with me. No way in hell I was gonna let that happen!”

“You have the shower room for it!”

″Yeah, and I've already passed on my grievances to you yesterday about that hell-room!”

“Well, at least with me with you, you don’t have to worry about--what did you call it? Oh yeah--’Casper the fuckin’ Perverted Ghost’.”

“I’d take a ghost over you any day.”

“You won’t be saying that in a year.”

“Bold of you to assume that I won’t be choosing Casper over you. After all, I’ll be spending time with him as well.”

San scoffed, slightly amused but annoyed at the same time. “Are you actually trying to get me jealous of something that doesn’t exist?”

“Who said Casper doesn’t exist?”

“‘Cause ghosts don’t exist.”

“Tell that to Casper. You’ll find him in my shower room.”

Amidst the conversation, neither of you had noticed how the bowl and cup was now empty, their contents now residing in San’s stomach. But when you did, you got up--ready to walk to the kitchen and put everything away--until his very warm hands wrapped around your elbow gently.

“Please don’t go. You can put all that stuff away later. Just... stay with me.”

Sighing, you decided to listen to him for once an put the tray down before tightening the covers around him again--making him whine. “Noooooo, I wanna hold you.”

“What happened to not wanting me to get sick?”

“I’m ill, stop taking my muddled brain so seriously.”

Your brow cocked up, amused while you looked over his flushed face. “So you’d be willing get me sick too?”

Another pout formed on his face. “Of course not,” he mumbled. “You know what, you’re right. You can go.”

He avoided looking at you, instead fixing his saddened gaze at the window. Your natural scepticism told you that he was just faking it, only putting on an act to get your attention and affection. Yet, for the first time in a while, doubt began to seep in.

Maybe... maybe you could give in. Just this once.

Sighing, you slipped off your slippers and lay down beside him, an arm and leg wrapping around his body to bring him closer to you. A stronger tint of red covered his face as he looked at you, flabbergasted, as he tried to wriggle out of your touch. “What are you doing, you’ll get sick--”

“My immune system is much stronger than yours, I’ll live. Besides, you look cosy,” you muttered, nestling your face into the soft blanket. Even his blanket smelled like a garden in the rain, despite the amount of sweat that’s probably seeped into it.

Truly, he did, and you couldn’t deny that you wanted to hug the human burrito.

San had, instead, found you cute, cheek squished against the fabric surrounding him. Let his mind wonder to the image of you pressed against him--without the covers coming between you two.

Again.

Would you look this peaceful, sleeping on his chest, on a regular day--he thought.

“Are you just going to stare at me or are you gonna get some rest?” San could feel your voice vibrating through the covers despite the thickness of it.

“Hard not to stare at you, ya know?” he relaxed himself, despite feeling like he was baking beneath the blanket, and let his head rest on the pillow, cheek pressed against your forehead.

“Goddamn, you’re hot. Did you take any medicine while I was cooking?”

“Oh, Hun, there’s no cure for sexiness,” he coughed, a smirk pulling at his lips from the joke he made.

Another sigh was pulled from your throat as you got up to look for any painkillers he could take. Sane began to whine once more, rolling over since he could barely had enough energy to move with his arms when he was this tired--a full belly of warm broth and tea not helping what so ever.

“No--wait. Come back...”

“You need painkillers.”

With a straight face, he stared deep into your eyes, slightly glossy and sparkling under the dim sunlight coming into the room. “But you’re my painkiller.”

“Yeah, I’m going to get you some meds,” you deadpanned, scooping up the tray to leave the grown-ass mafia boss whining and rolling around, throwing a tantrum.

After some hard thinking and remembering that Wooyoung had given you his number, you called him up as you stood in the doorway, looking at San’s calm state of sleeping.

“My dear sister,” you heard a voice finally say over the phone, “what requires my assistance?”

“...Wooyoung?”

“Yes, dear sister?”

“What in the world has possessed you call me your ‘dear sister’?”

“Because you’re gonna be my friend’s wife some day, so I need to get used to seeing you as my sister-from-another-mister.”

Rubbing the bridge of your nose, you decided to not comment on his outlandish claims. “San’s not feeling well.”

“Is that why he sent us all away?” he laughed, somehow finding this situation amusing--since this is what his best friend tends to do; finds his weakened state as vulnerability, and if there was one thing San hated, it was feeling vulnerable.

But if he truly hated that, then why pursue this why you--when he know that it would force him to bring his guard down?

“I think so. No one was here when I came out of my room. Not the cooks or the maids or even the guards,” you said, taking another gander as if there might be someone roaming the halls to disprove your statement.

There wasn’t.

“Okay then. You want me to give you our private doctor’s number?”

Chuckling to yourself because you knew you were right (immediately confusing Wooyoung), you hummed, “yeah, that would be great.”

“O-Okay. Lemme text it to you. But do you need anything else? I know from experience San can get a little clingy when he’s not in his right mind,” he said, a boisterous giggle passing his lips.

“Nah, it’s fine.” You let your gaze brush over your captor’s figure. “Just send me the number and I’ll take it from there.”

“Okie dokie then, dear sister. I’ll leave you to deal with that enigma.”

“Alright, Wooyoung. See you tomorrow?”

“Call me ‘dear brother’, then maybe I’ll hang u--”

You shoved your phone into your back pocket after ending the call, thinking that it would take him a few minutes. Proving you wrong, the phone buzzes to life within the next ten seconds, Wooyoung sending you a couple of messages.

Wooyoung: Well that was a rude Wooyoung: No matter, I still love ya, dear sister Wooyoung: Probs should clarify that it’s platonic in case San sees it and gets all jelly Wooyoung: Anyway, here’s the number Wooyoung: XXXXXXXXXX

Y/N: Thanks, bro

Wooyoung: 🥺🥺 You called me ‘bro’

Smiling a little, you called the number--which had indeed taken you to a doctor’s clinic. After hearing of his exact temperature and other symptoms, the woman over the phone had concluded that it was as you first suspected--the common cold.

She told you to keep giving him painkillers and he should be fine within the week. Ending the call with a polite ‘thank you’ and ‘goodbye’, you left to get San more broth and medication, and hopefully you’d lay down with him again.

Which is exactly what you did for the rest of the day, opting to stay with him for the night too in order to make sure he really was okay. Thankfully, the worst of his fever had passed by the time morning came around and he was feeling much better.

You, however, were exhausted after looking after him, deep in your slumber as you shifted closer to San, who had broken free of his blanket prison and wrapped it around the two of you. The sunlight peeking through the window paled in comparison to the faint smile of glee San had adorned when he saw you.

Cheeked pressed up against his shoulder, and arm and a leg draped over his body like a koala clinging to a tree.

Just like he had thought the day before.

☕︎ Tag list: @little-precious-baby​​​​ , @sparklychangbin​​​​ , @shawkneecaps​ If you wanna be tagged, feel free to ask!

[cherripeach]

Chapter 11

Little Match Maker

Summary: Your life motto is “I have the power of god and anime on my side, don’t mess with me,” and you stand by that with your life. No human, magician, or random creature could ever stop your firm belief in it.

However, getting transported to this world that seemed to turn your already bad luck worse was not what you wanted to be in your life story, but you made the most of it. Making friends, enemies, and disasters, you were in your prime in this world, and so you decided to help as many people as you could flourish, at least what you believed to be.

Chapter 1:6-8 when there's too much drama at school- all you gotta do is walk awwwaawy

Warnings: Curse words, violence

Words: 4.5k

Relationships: developing but future twstxreader

Ace dragged Grim to your seats that you picked out by the scruff of his fur on his neck and tossed the struggling cat onto your lap for you to deal with in which you could only hold him like a teddy bear. 

“Don’t wanna, don’t wanna! I don’t wanna go back to boring classes!” Grim groaned while wiggling in your hold. 

You squeezed the cat tighter, “Can’t help it if you are already here, huh?”  

“Damn it! You’re being kinda harsh today,” Grim moaned as he tugged on your jacket by your wrists.  

The teacher coughed to get the attention of you three, and he surprisingly had that attention through the rest of class, forgetting about Grim’s nap and Ace’s doodling. 

Once the lunch bell had rung, the two idiots who were not at all interested in the previous lecture sprung up and leaped to begin the trek to the cafeteria. Deuce tried to not show as much enthusiasm by joining your side in your walk, but his long footsteps and quick strides told you otherwise. 

The cafeteria was as polished and refined as it was before your group broke the magic chandelier last night which surprised you more than it should have because you are in a completely different dimension where most things impossible in your previous dimension are possible here like a talking cat who is too arrogant for his own good.  All of this just means in your brain that you should be used to it, but you also remembered how the Headmaster mentioned how ‘magic was not all powerful.’ All of this just confused you. 

Grim threw himself ahead of your group and into the cafeteria lines, “Yeah! It’s finally lunch time!!!” Grim’s eyes lit up while he was wandering around the cafeteria and studying what he knew best, food, “I see a lotta delicious stuff already.”

Your eyes found the menu above each food station and found the prices, and even if you did not understand currency in this world, it still seemed too rich for you. A sigh slipped through your lips, “As if we’ll be able to afford half of the food here anyway.” 

Grim proclaimed while bouncing up and down, “A fluffy omelet! Grilled chicken and a bacon & egg tart!!” 

“You’re too loud!” Ace had his ears covered while lecturing the cat, “You’re pretty energetic even at lunch time, huh!”

Grim ran back to your location and tugged on your cloak while pointing at all the food, “I wanna have some grilled chicken! Come on, there’s only one more left! Oh, and omelets, too! And bread and jam! Go get them all!” The cat ended up in a line and got a piece of grilled chicken before reporting back to your group where you decided to head for a table. 

The cat, full of excitement, sprinted off  in front of you only to knock into a male with a red armband and pen in his coat pocket, causing the male to stumble and Grim to fall on his butt and yelp.  

 “Hey, you bastard!”  The male with the white hair (which you still question is real even though your friend is a literal talking cat) sneered at Grim, so you tried to calmly approach the group to see what the problem was, “My pasta’s soft-boiled egg is on the floor ‘cause you bumped into me!” 

You muttered out, “You're shitting with me,” as you slowly gained on the group to join the conversation. 

 “Oh, man,” A male located to the right of the white haired boy wined, “The soft-boiled egg’s the best part of carbonara.” His laugh dropped when he spoke, “How’re you gonna pay for that, huh, punk!?” The male snickered at Grim. 

Dude with the white hair left his plate of food on an empty table before he made a give-here motion with his hand, “Guess I’ll just have to make do with you giving me that grilled chicken you’ve got there.”

Grim wrapped his paws around the plate, “Wha–!? I don’t wanna! This chicken is mine!” He backed away from the two, only to bump into your legs. 

The second male rolled his eyes and put his plate next to the first male’s plate to start approaching you and Grim, “Huh? That's not how a freshie should talk to his senior?”  You pushed Grim behind your legs before the second male had made it to you, only for the male to begin yelling at the both of you,  “YOU B-” Your leg shot straight to his crotch, paralyzing him while he gripped the area. 

The first male threw his hands into fists near his chest and grabbed his magic pen from his pocket, “You’re asking for it, your bitch. I’ll-”

You did the same thing to the first male and kicked him in the dick. 

“Sorry, not sorry. But personally, I will never respect a senior who shows no respect for me. No one deserves respect or authority. They earn it.  And, in my eyes you deserve nothing from me. I am positive that you are both aware of who we are and what we have caused on our first day, and you decided to target us because we seemed ‘weak’ in your eyes. And you know what, I’m fine with being called weak. You know why?” Your side of the cafeteria was silent all listening in to your voice, “No one actually knows your strength.”

You walked up to the first boy who started this fight who was still holding his crotch while he grumbled out, “You're just a pussy.”

You chuckled, “That’s very ironic because you are in fact the actual definition of a pussy which is short for pusillanimous, meaning a scaredy cat. Your small mind wouldn’t know that, would it?”

The boy with the white hair spat at your shoes.

You nodded your head, “Get all your anger out, baby. I’ve been dying to talk to one of the prefects here, and you just happen to belong to the Hearts dorm.” You paused for a second and placed your pointer finger on your chin, “I wonder what he’ll do when I tell him how you threatened the only non-magic user of the school with magic. And I’m pretty sure using it outside of class will result in a large punishment.”  

You turned away from the boys to greet the wide eyes and open mouths of your friend group. 

The second male groaned, “We’ll get you. I promise.”

You rolled your eyes and did not even turn to look at the boys, “Well, my promise still stands. I’m never above tatling.” You waved to the boys while your group began to find a table, “Have a great day!” 

You could feel the eyes following you to your table. 

Ace moaned once you joined the group, “I missed breakfast and I’m about to pass out. Thank Seven nothing happened!”

Deuce sighed, “That was quite the predicament. To think that there would be such brutes in a prestigious magic school…”

You found the perfect table and walked to it, “Anything is possible.”

 “Can you not stand up for Grim next time?” Ace frowned at you, “As much as I hate to say it, they could have started using magic. You can’t go charging in thinking you are the hero when everyone else has something you don’t here.”

You stuck out your tongue in defiance and ignored his words. 

Once seated at the table, the four of you dug into your food.

Grim bit into the omelette and moaned, “The omelette is so fluffy, and the cheese is so melty~!” He shoved another bite into his mouth, “ By the by, I saw you guys’ dorm a while ago, but what do the other dorms look like?”

You swallowed your food before adding, “Yeah, dudes, your dorm was sick and suitable to live in. Wonder what the other ones are like.” 

A tray was placed down next to you, “You’ve seen the statues of the Great Seven by Main Street, right? This school has seven dorms based off of them.”

You stared at the male for a quick second, finding him familiar but not having the ability to remember where he was from, “Ah wait, who are you?”

Ace waved his fork around groaning, “You’re the dude from this morning!”

Grim stood up on the bench and accused the male, “He’s the guy who tricked us into painting roses red!” 

“That’s why he’s familiar…” You mumbled to yourself.

The male took a seat next to you and whistled before taking a bite of his food and announcing that he “Didn’t trick you, you know? It’s not like I wanted to do that either. I only did it ‘cause it’s the Dorm’s rules.”

“You looked so happy about it though,” Deuce uttered out while chewing on his food.

The senior waved his hand around to try and comfort his junior, “There, there, Deucey. The rules don’t matter outside the dorms so, Cate here is just your very gentle senior.”  He placed his hand on top of his heart and pushed his shoulders back, and you could even see the slightest bit of sunlight coming from behind his head. 

Deuce flushed red and shook his head back and forth, “Ple.. please stop calling me that, senpai!”

Another tray was sat down next to Ace, and a rather attractive man appeared with the tray. Green hair and glasses and a clover on his cheek, this male was both sort of odd for an ordinary person but compared to the rest of the people here seemed that he could blend in well. 

The new male chortled at the situation, “That’s how Cater expresses his affection, you know?” and shrugged his shoulders. 

Everyone’s brain at the table besides Cater’s buffered. 

So Ace, with an eyebrow raised and a spoon with some food on it also raised, asked the dying question, “Wait…” Ace tilted his head, “Who are you?”

The male sat down and rubbed the back of his neck, “Oops, my bad. . My name’s Trey, Trey Clover. I’m a Heartslabyul 3rd year alongside Cater.” He stated, pointing toward the other male. 

The four of your group nodded slowly before the male turned to you, “ And you...you’re from the Ramshackle… um.”  He paused and coughed a bit before continuing, “The new student who’s currently residing in the unused dorm, correct?”

“You can call it Ramshackle or whatever. Believe me it has several health code violations and is just not somewhere I would choose to live.”  You sighed out, “But when one doesn’t have a choice it is best to make do with what they have.”

Ace just frowned at you, “Wow... smooth words.” He rolled his eyes after. 

Trey ignored your side conversation and just awkwardly chucked, “I heard all about it from Cater. Sorry for the trouble our doommates caused you yesterday.” 

Ace broke out into an offended look at the male and shifted closer to Deuce, “He’s just casually sitting next to me..” 

Cater grinned at the three, “Come on! We’re in the same school, so we should get along! Give me your number!”

You inquired to Cater about what he just said, “Wait, wait, wait. You have phones here! And so now the only thing that could keep me sane and connected to the real world that I would normally have is here, but I can’t have it because it’s too expensive? Damn I need a raise.”

“Oh?” Cater bounced in his seat, “Oh, so you do have a number? Are you the type to not upload many pictures? Tell me your username!” Cater whipped out his phone and held it up waiting for you to start.  When you didn’t, his face slowly moved closer to yours until you had to start backing away. 

 Trey sighed, “Cater, the newbie’s backing away. Keep it to a minimum.”

“Sorry, sorry.” Cater put his phone away and waved his hands around. 

You scooted back to your spot muttering, “It’s okay.”

“So, you guys were askin’ about the dorms? That’s nice! A fresh convo!” Carter hoped back into a new conversation. 

Ace looked up from his food, “ I wanna know about our Dorm first and foremost. What the heck is that Rule Number something of something of the Queen of Hearts?”

You could only imagine what Ace was feeling for only being in the dorm for one day and already being kicked out for rules that he knew nothing of, “Yeah, it seems kinda of counterproductive, those rules.”

Trey explained to your group, “I’m sure you’re all familiar with the legendary Queen of Hearts, right? In order to establish absolute law and order, she made severe rules in order to oppress the eccentric citizens of Wonderland.”

Cater added, “And out of respect for the Queen of Hearts, our Heartslabyul Dorm wears red and black in order to represent the dress she wore. And it’s part of our traditions to adhere to the Queen of Hearts’ rules.” He shoved more of his food into his mouth and grabbed his phone out of his pocket to check it. 

Grim exclaimed, “Sounds rough!” 

“Adhering to the rules is the present Prefect’s whims.” Cater checked his phone again, “The previous one was kinda chill about it.”

Nodding, Trey agreed, “Compared to the other Prefects, Riddle is just a little bit more serious. That’s why he’s trying so hard to keep the traditions.”

“Ugh… How annoying..” Ace hissed out. 

Grim tapped his paw to his chin, “Hey, what kinda places are the other dorms?”

“Again, I’m still curious.” Thinking about the style of the first dorm, you could only imagine how planned out the other dorms are. 

Your kindhearted green haired upperclassman started to tell you the details of the dorms, “Just like Cater said a while ago, this school has seven dorms dedicated to the Great Seven.” 

Your mind flashed to the seven statues at the front of the school you had to take care of on the first day of classes, “Those statues in the front?”

Trey nodded, “Yep, those are the Great Seven. I’m surprised you didn’t know.” 

“Eh, I guess I just forgot,” You did not want any odd attention to be on you, so you tried and continued the conversation, “But they are all related to a specific dorm?”

“Yes. First, we have our dorm that’s grounded on following the Queen of Hearts’ Laws with our entire being: Heartslabyul Dorm.” 

The Queen of Hearts were not laws that you wanted to follow, but you were still very curious about why people would commit themselves to it.

“Savanaclaw that’s grounded on the fortitude of the King of Beasts.”

Scar if you could remember correctly. And another dorm that you couldn’t understand why they would follow that leader, but whatever. 

“After that, we have Octavinelle that was founded on the Sea Witch’s benevolence.”

Benevolence is not what you would call it; there had to be a mistake in the story. 

“And then we have Scarabia that was formed from the careful planning of the Sorcerer of the Desert.”

A pedophile, of all people?? Jafar should not be considered anything near a great person. 

“Pomefiore, the house grounded on the magnanimous efforts of the Beautiful Queen”

Okay, but like she kinda cute; while we don’t condone actions… Of course, her name being ‘Beautiful’ trips you up, but all of this is an issue for later. 

“Then there’s Ignihyde whose foundations lie on the perseverance of the King of the Underworld.”

Going off the Disney movie, yes, he was the villain. But going off of Greek Mythology. Never. Never. 

“Lastly, we have Diasomnia that was founded on the gracefulness of the Queen of Thorns.”

She kinda cursed a child, but we all have our petty days. 

“There wouldn’t happen to be a book in the library about them. Would there? I would like to refresh my memories on them.” As much reading as you did in the past, you knew this had to happen. Your only chance to figure out anything in this world was in that library. 

“Of course,” Your new upperclassman was the kindest, “I can show you if you would like.”

Grim brings you two back to the other conversation with his announcement, “All of their names are friggin’ long! I can’t remember all of that!”

Giggling into his hand, Cater winked at Grim, “That’s completely okay. You’ll remember them even if you don’t want to.”

Trey continued, “Just like you’ve witnessed during the ceremony, the Mirror of Darkness decides

what Dorm you’ll belong to after looking into your soul. I guess you could say that the dorms really reflect the student’s character.”

“That’s true.” Cater agreed, “I totally get it!”

Deuce could not agree, “Character?”

You snapped your fingers, “Like personality and maybe like talents?”

Trey guided your group’s attention to the wolf boy you met in PE, “For example… Look over there.”

“That’s the guy who wasn’t dying after the torture session in PE,” You pointed out. 

“Judging by appearance, he looks like he’s from Savanaclaw.” Trey concluded. 

Cater now had his phone in his hand and was scrolling through something before looking up to join the conversation, “Totes! They look like a dorm that’s got a lot of athletes and guys that’re good at scuffles! They’re pretty brawny? Or I guess you could say, they’re all pretty buff? Either way, Savanaclaw’s colors are yellow and black.”

Grim signaled to a male with a beauty mark on his chin and silver-blue hair and glasses, “Oh~ Then what about that one with the gray and uh… Light purple on their sleeves?” 

 (Seemed like a little pretty boy was your only thought about the glasses male)

Trey replied, “He’s from Octavinelle. The two sitting on the table beside him with the dark-red and gold colors are from Scarabia.” The table he was talking about held one person who you are positive you have seen before and another taller boy who just gave you a bad vibe. 

“It’s been said that both are dorms full of smart people,” Cater added, “When it comes to written tests, nothing can beat those two. Ah, but Scarabia’s Prefect’s only so-so when it comes to studying.”

Ace huffed, “Alright, I sense a red flag here.”

You bet, “Yeah, as if. If anything I wouldn’t think that test scores are the only factor of a prefect.”

“You adapt pretty quickly, huh, Ace. You not so much,” The male sighed at you.

“That was rude.” You huffed and ate more of your food, and then, mumbling, “It’s not like I know shit about this world.”

Trey rolled his eyes to look up and puffed out, “Going back to the topic, those bright and sparkling ones over there are from Pomefiore. Their colors are purple and red.”

Grim bursted out, “Wha–!! There’s a really cute girl over there!”

You smacked the back of Grim’s head and scolded him, “Hey, don’t assume anything about them.”

“Eh!?” Deuce questioned, “Even though this is an all-boys’ school!?”

“Idiot.” Ace mocked,  “As if they’d let a girl pass the sorting ceremony of an all-boys’ school.”

While Grim and Deuce were freaking out, you turned to Trey and Cater and asked, “I’m assuming gender expression is all over? What are your pronouns?”

Cater seemed delighted to be asked and replied with a simple, “That is true. Oh, he/him is fine, but I’d rather you’d call my cell.” With a wink at the end.

Trey responded, “Same as him, besides the last part. Though I don’t think many people here ask that even if the expressions are all over the spectrum.”

“Just wanted to make this a safe place,” You didn’t really know much about this world. Like maybe it was more acceptable here? Or it could be the opposite…

Cater nudged Ace and those two began a talk about a portrait in the school. It seemed to be some of the only girl contact some of these boys got. 

After Ace gagged in his throat, Cater waved his hands and turned back to the group, “It doesn’t matter, does it? Well, in any case, Pomefiore’s full of pretty faces who take their beauty routines very seriously. Their Prefect’s a pretty famous influencer who’s got over 5 million followers.” Cater boasted while holding up five fingers. 

Trey shook his head, “ Don’t judge them based on face value alone. Pomefiore’s got a lot of students who excel at alchemy and charms.”

“If I knew what that was a little more than I know now I feel like I would be more impressed.” You guessed, but with your luck anything could happen. It did remind you of the Evil Queen though. 

Cater chuckled into his hand and threw up a thumbs-up, “That’s right!” He, then, directed everyone’s attention to look at the cafeteria, but he could never direct everyone’s attention to a specific person, “Then, there’s Ignihyde, and they wear blue and black, but… I don’t see them around anywhere.” All of the group’s attention was given back to Cater since there was not a single student, “The students from that dorm are all sorta private, so I don’t have friends there either. I guess you could call them the complete opposite of Heartslabyul.”

Grim slumped and dragged his food into his mouth, “You mean, they’re pretty gloomy?”

Trey scolded, “Hey, now! Don’t be rude. Though, it’s true that they all seem pretty behaved and quiet. They’ve got a lot of members who have great magical energy and they’re pretty techy, too.”

It made you think about all the technology in this world and how different it was definitely going to be in this world. 

Deuce inquired, “Then there’s… Diasomething Dorm, correct?”

You nodded, “Dia-what-ya-call-it.”

“Stop acting like you got it right.” Ace puffed out his chest,  “It’s Diasomnia, got it?”

Deuce sputtered, “I just bit my tongue.”

Cater pointed, “Diasomnia is… Oh, there.” There was a table full of odd balls from what you can tell, “The guys who are sitting by the cafeteria’s exclusive tables.Their colors are light-green and black. They’re kinda—How do I put it? Super popular?They’ve got an aura that makes it hard for us commoners to approach them. Their Prefect is super difficult to grasp.”

“Difficult to grasp,” You titled your head, “What the fuck does that mean?”

Ace shoved your shoulder, “Shut up and look. They’ve got a kid with them.” He pointed toward a young looking male with black and pink hair. He really reminded you of a pretty boy from anime. 

“I bet you ten bucks he’s one of the oldest ones here. And besides I really don't think we should be judging by appearances at this place of all places.” You pointed to Grim who had so much food shoved in his mouth he looked like a chipmunk, “we lit have a cat.”

Trey sighed, “Grade-skipping is allowed here, so that’s possible. But, he’s not a child, he’s a 3rd year like us. His name is” Trey was cut off by another voice. 

A much deeper voice appeared behind you, “Lilia is my name. Lilia Vanrouge” And the child who was definitely not a child to you appeared upside down in the air. You knew that you should be surprised, but at this point in time you didn’t have the effort. 

Grim shot up from his seat, “Th..uh.this guy teleported here!”

You stared up at the male with wide eyes, but then, shook your head, “You are surprisingly not the oddest person I have seen today, but I have to applaud you for some of the nicest hair. And it is real cool how you can just float upside down. Like a bat... Or something.”

Lilia bowed while still hanging out upside down, “I thank thou for such a genuine compliment. Pray tell, are thou interested in mine dorm members?” He raised his hand to cover his mouth when he chuckled, “Fufufu, it is true that I might resemble a sprightly and endearing young boy. However, just like that man in glasses has said, I am a child no longer.” 

 “How the fuck did he say “fufuf” out loud?” You gasped out, “Also pay up Ace.” You made ‘give me-give me’ motions with your hand. 

“Sprightly,” Trey smiled widely. 

Lilia quizzed, “Prithee, why not approach us instead of simply watching from afar? Are we not comrades from the same school? We from Diasomnia will welcome you anytime.”  While still upside down, he threw his arms out into his full wing span. 

You were scared of this dude, but at the same time not, “Perfect, totally next time, dude.” You threw a wink and a thumbs-up. 

Deuce covered his mouth and whispered something to Ace. 

Lilia chortled, “Fufu. Pardon me from appearing from above while you dined. I will be taking my leave now.” The male waved his hand and disappeared. 

Ace muttered something back to deuce.

Trey stammered, “W-well… That’s how it is.” Trey closed his eyes and smiled before opening them back up, “Diasomnia’s got a lot of very special students.Their dorm has a lot of members that are pretty gifted. Their Prefect, Malleus Draconia, is said to be one of the five greatest sorcerers of our world.” 

“TBH,” Cater was scrolling through his phone, “Malleus is sorta like, the awesomest of the awesome.” He turned off his phone and tossed his hair back, “Well, our Prefect’s pretty dangerous, too.”

You paused, eyes squinted and mouth agape, thinking, ‘How would you even measure that?’

Ace snorted, “You’re telling me! He puts a collar on someone just for eating his tart? He’s the worst, no doubt!” He pointed his spoonful of food at Cater for emphasis on his words. 

You noticed that a male was behind Ace when was in the middle of his statement. He had bright red hair with two cow-licks on his head and gray eyes. What you found adorable, however, was how his tie was tied like a bow and had a little crown on the side of it. The male was crossing his arms with a wide grin on his face. 

His mouth began moving and a smooth voice came out, “Hm? I’m the worst?” The grin grew. 

Cater froze while slowly shifting his eyes to look at Ace and not the new person. Deuce and Trey just froze in shock for this new person to join the conversation. You paused and realized that this was probably the prefect.

You softly sang out, “You're screwed.”

Ace was not perceiving anything at this moment and only continued, “Yeah. Only a tyrant will keep up with those kinda rules. Gimme a break.” He puffed out and drank the rest of his drink in one swish back. 

“Ace...,” Deuce whined, “look behind us!”

Ace shouted, “GEH! Prefect?!” and jumped in his seat.

You could only hope Ace would survive for the rest of the day.

[blacckestrose]

Get to know me tag

I was tagged by @oh-ok-pop thank you 💕

what day is your birthday? 6.12.

what’s your favourite colour? pink, purple and green, you can say more than one right?

what’s your lucky number? I don’t believe in luck 

do you have any pets? yes I do, I have a year old dog named Ramen

how tall are you? 164,5 cm 

how many pairs of shoes do you own? too few, I think it goes somewhere around 5 pairs and 4 of them are broken

favourite song? uuuh I’m real bad at these but let’s say I’m at the moment obsessed with Vamos - Omega X and A Song Written Easily - Oneus

favourite movie? has to be some of the Potter movies, just don’t know which one. I’m bad at deciding on things

what would be your ideal partner? one that makes me laugh 24/7

do you want children? I’m at the moment on the 50/50 situation if I want or not. I don’t know, I hate kids especially babies, but I don’t know. Ask this again in 10 years, I might have an answer then

have you gotten in trouble with the law? nope, I’m such a pussy

bath or shower? shower. I don’t understand the deal with floating in your own dirt. But the bathbombs look so damn nice, I want to try once those

what colour socks are you wearing? Black but my favorite are my avocado socks

favourite type of music? I love Big Time Rush

how many pillows do you sleep with? at the moment one but it’s the most huge pillow ever

what position do you sleep in? on my side and the over weight body that I have my leg out of the blanket

what you don’t like when you’re sleeping? any noise, like I can handle anything even the fire alarm I won’t wake up to it, if I have already fallen asleep. But when I’m going to sleep I need the perfect silence and darkness

what do you have for breakfast? Depending on my mood, nothing or everything I have in the fridge

have you ever tried archery? no and I’m like 100% sure I’m bad as hell 

favourite fruit? people eat fruits? jk bananas

favourite swear word? Fuck.

do you have any scars? mental scars, whole lotta you can’t save me. Visible scars? I have one on my knee when a wasp stung me there and I found out I’m allergic to those and the stung got infected and doctors were close to amputate my leg 

are you a good liar? If you don’t actually see my face, then yeah. But face to face lying is not my speciality. You can see through me everytime immediately

what’s your personality type? ISFP-T

what’s your favourite type of girl? Didn’t I already answer to this? Or like you mean as a friend? Well anyway, the one who makes me laugh, accepts me as I am, understands my sarcasm

innie or outie? am I too stupid to not knowing the answer to this

left or right handed? leftie

favourite food? jeeees there’s lots of food in this world that Vilma loves. but let’s say from Finnish foods kaalilaatikko (cabbage), uudet perunat (summer time potatoes) and poronkäristys (reindeer)

favourite foreign food? you have found Vilma’s favorite thing to talk about. I love sushi, tzatziki (I know it’s a sauce more than a food but I would live with tzatziki for the rest of my life easily), carbonara, pizza, ramen........ And there’s so many foods I haven’t yet tried omg 

are you clean or messy? I’m right there in the middle I think because if my depression was gone, I would actually be Monica Geller but as my depression has gone for the worse these last few months and it’s been on for two years about now I call myself Joey Tribbiani

most used phrase? mmmm I use daily three different languages so I don’t know. maybe my English phrase is “hell”, Finnish phrase would probably be “siis älä vitussa” meaning “i fucking know right”/”don’t fucking do it”/”you can’t fucking mean that”/”are you fucking serious”. With Swedish it must be “ellehur!” meaning “ikr”

how long does it take for you to get ready? 5mins to 1 hour depending what I’m getting ready for

do you talk to yourself? well I’m never alone anymore so I like to think I talk to my dog more than to myself

do you sing to yourself? hell yes, I have gotten this habit from my mom that I actually create stupid songs on my own about the thing I’m doing. My mom can do it when we are in public too, I haven’t gone that far yet

are you a good singer? well I don’t know about the good people think GOOD. But I have been singing in choir for 18 years (I quit 5 years ago) so I like to think I know how to work with my voice

biggest fear? water, drowning in general but like the fact that I can’t be sure what is under neath of me when I’m swimming is giving me the biggest panic. So no, I won’t go to ocean or jump to lakes from some yacht 

are you a gossip? let’s not talk about this

do you like long or short hair? on others? I don’t care about the looks at all. On myself, I have so fucking thiccccccc hair that if it’s long and it’s +35 outside I will literally die because of my hair 

favourite school subject? music

extrovert or introvert? I have always thought myself as an extra extrovert. But the more I think about it, I’m more like social introvert you know? 

what makes you nervous? everything

who was your first real crush? my ex co-worker that turned out to be a player, fucking Jussi 

how many piercings do you have? two, as I said I’m a pussy. you should have asked about tattoos

how fast can you run? I don’t run

what colour is your hair? Brown but I have hair dresser next week and I thought of going purple. What do you say?

what colour are your eyes? grey/green

what makes you angry? when my friends tell that they don’t text or call me because they think they don’t have anything interesting to say. Bitch, if you told me there’s a fly in your room I would be interested about it because the text is from you. Also mosquitos drive me crazy

do you like your own name? I hate my name

do you want a boy or a girl as a child? boy 100%

what are your strengths? my strenght is that I’m weakest at everything

what are your weaknesses? everything, but the biggest is that I’m probably too emotional and I think too much

what’s the colour of your bedspread? pink

colour of your room? my whole apartment is white. It’s so boring

@memeofthesoul @sugasugakookies @lost-midnight-flower @dongkwan @happygirl327 @sunshinehobi-07 @cygnetix @yulalily @hwa-luvs

[cruddyborderlandstheories]

let me explain to you the plot of borderlands 4 (kidding. mostly)

tl;dr: the eridians are evil, or, worse, completely uncaring about the things going on in their little sandcastle. the guardians are salty bitches about it and need our help and/or are going to start slaughtering people and im gonna fuckING TAlk ABOUT IT mostly because i need to write this down bc its been bouncing around my head since the game (bl3, not 4. that’d be wild) came out. minor spoilers for Guns Love and Tentacles. mostly that side quest.

tl;dr: tl;dr: eridians bad, guardians mad, and we are caught in the middle of a war that’s about to go down between them. spoilers for GLaT

tl;dr: tl;dr: tl;dr: Fl4k was a warning. Spoilers.

i dont even know where to begin because FUCK THERE’S SO GODDAMN MUCH TO THIS STORY

so im just going to start listing facts or points (+) of this theory that i remember at this very moment and probably forget a lot of them alright i’ll elaborate on all of this i promise. okay? lets go

+the eridians made a bunch of vaults that hold monsters in them

+some of these monsters are clearly constructs. some of them are not

+those that are clearly constructs:

the warrior

the traveler

the sentinel

+those that are not clearly constructs:

the destroyer

the rampager

the serpent

(possibly) gythian

(possibly) graveward (more on this in a bit)

+those that are not accounted for:

the timekeeper (but do keep this bad boy in mind)

+the eridians made the guardians: biomechanical constructs that are somewhat sentient, gaining sentience, and are supposed to guard the Vaults

+we also know now that there are these things called proving grounds with a salty, sentient guardian named the Overseer:

“vault hunter, I thought you might show up sooner or later. so naughty your species, so curious. the vault of vaults has been opened and IT has been released. prove your worth and I will reveal why the masters made me wait for you”

“naughty humans have opened the vault of vaults but the masters will determine who is a fault. until next time, warrior”

“long ago there was a brief spark, the first vault was opened, a light in the dark. a riddle, yes? perhaps it will unravel next time, hunter”

“so, you’ve returned. persistent, yes. or stubborn? or both. are you so desperate to prove yourself?”

“we were created for one purpose by our masters- and we couldn’t even do that right (laughs). but don’t blame us! when a cog breaks, point your finger at the artificer, not the cog! are you a cog, Vault hunter, or an artificer? Or both? prove yourself worthy.”

“pity us not, though the world has been broken. those who sleep will soon be awoken. not long now, seeker.”

“the eridians were our masters, but we failed them. they gave the order then silence. they VANISHED. such is our fate, Vault Hunter. server to a master who has left the house so long ago. prove to me that you deserve an introduction.”

“we were supposed to guard the Great Jail. but no quarter for servants who fail. but servant, that is not quite right. ‘Prisoner’. that is what i am. Until next time, adventurer.”

“a final chance to prove yourself. but will your reward be what you desire? a prisoner in a cell staring out at the fathoms of a sleeping universe. after a time, how would you know if you were prisoner or master? consider this while you prove yourself one last time.”

“it has come to this. one last trial. but will your efforts be worthwhile? that is what we will determine next time, hero”

“I am a prisoner, but you, vault hunter? what are you? hunter, warrior, hero? no matter what name i use, you return to prove yourself time and time again. but prove it to whom, i wonder? perhaps you seek a greater audition”

“it is done and my masters have taken note. would you like to know what they told me right before they vanished? ‘beware the vault hunters, they will take your kind’s place’. now i am free, and you are chained. until next time, guardian”

“well done, but have they taken note? that is what I wonder.”

+ the entire thing about there being a Fallen Guardian we have to kill

+ how the entire thing of the trails are copies of the worlds we visited to open the Great Vault. either the eridians can see through time (TPS) or they built these recently

+how dark Maliwan is probably working together with the Guardians on Nekrotefeyo given the fact they’re working together in one of the trials

+oh and remember how i suggested Maruice’s ghostie goo (ectoplasm) is actually related to eridians and such? YEAH. turns out that was right.

+Nyriad, the unreliable narrator

+the fucking Forgetting

+how the eridians are NOT ACTUALLY GONE FOR GOOD

+the seraphs!!!

+how the guardians are all named after angels, sirens are tied to humanity’s religious imagery

+how tyreen literally only loosened the chains on the Destroyer and the destroyer is going to break free from pandora

+how animals and people like bloodwing, slag psychos, etc mutate due to the eridium on pandora

+the destroyer’s reaction to slag being injected into its eye is straight panic

+the vault monsters that are fleshy were probably science experiments by the Eridians to test eridium and/or the results of being locked in the vaults for ages

+humanity was probably created by the eridians as well (more on that later)

+the Watcher actually WANTS us to have more Vault Hunters, she warns us that war is coming. all we can assume right now is either the Watcher fucked up big time, or she WANTED all this to happen. More on that later.

+the guardians are preparing for war. the overseer seems especially salty about the cause of it.

+ graveward was killed at some point, so the guardians brought it back using the ships, so that they could use their souls to posses it (further proved by the loot: Grave, relic, and Ward, shield)

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 alright holy fuck

that’s a lotta stuff to go over!!! Let’s do this thing.

Let’s start with the Eridians themselves

so. these bad boys. We never really knew much about them, but it was always kinda assumed they’ve been long gone bc of the destroyer, or just out of reach.

now that bl3 dropped we’re supposed to assume that they’re all officially dead bc of Nyriad/the Destroyer

and i am here to say that Nyriad is an unreliable fuckin narrator because she doesn’t know the whole story. in fact, she admits to not knowing everything!!

here’s what I actually think is going on, and yes, I believe 100% the eridians are shady motherfuckers who decided to play god:

the eridians are from a dimension that isn’t ours. we can assume this is a higher dimension, bc of all their weird space/time fuckery, especially the Vaults.

the eridians decided to do some science experiments. they make the vaults and use our dimension to store them and put all their experiments inside. they make guardians to guard their vaults, and they realize they can do better in the ‘making a fully conscious being’ department. they make humanity. they make sirens after experimenting with eridium. they decided to go big or go home, and they make giant monsters. after all that, they realize they fucked up, because there is one monster they cannot contain anymore, after all the shit they put it through

so the eridians realize they done fucked up and escape fully to our dimension, where they placed us and the guardians and all the science experiments they didn’t want to deal with at the moment. The Destroyer follows them

they land on nekrotefeyo, their ‘first landing’ in our dimension (hence the quote above). This, or the eridians had been in our dimension for a while now. Nyriad never says where the Eridians came from, just that they and humanity lived side-by-side, so it’s likely they’d been here for a bit, sending scientists back and forth, just doing their experiments all willy-nilly. And I would bet they created the Destroyer in that time frame.

“for their curiosity, they were rewarded with doom” i believe is a correct statement, but not in the way Nyriad thinks. I think the eridians created the destroyer to see if they could, to test the bounds of what was possible. and it backfired on them in the worst way.

Nyriad also says this, but I have a hard time believing her here

the most this is is speculation, because if none of the civilizations who met the Destroyer had nothing else to pass on, then humanity would not know of their existence. (I mean, she even says ‘SURELY it had different names’) Humanity has no record of other (intelligent) alien life in the universe, or their own civilizations being destroyed by the Destroyer*. It’s just the Eridians. 

*There is a reason for this, but let’s hold on for now.

So why tf do I think humanity was created by the Eridians? well, for one, I like the parallel to them having a god-complex. If they haven’t created humanity, then they definitely fucked with us to create Sirens. Sirens have a strong connection to Eridium and the Vaults (and other Sirens).

second, the murals in (most of) the vaults in bl3

show human-like figures hanging out with kids, and one touching something that seems oddly similar to a relic

like so

(on the left there)

there are also these really tall cloaked figures standing (t-posing) near the end of the mural

and most statues are depicted with robes on

a lot of the human figures in the mural are shown helping each other stand up, coming up from the ground like they’re being created, looking around (up at the sky at rays of light), and standing with a lot of eridian junk (there’s a vault symbol next to one). they’re also not shown to be wearing any sort of clothing, even tho extra steps were gone in to show the robed figures

it reminds me a lot of how a lot of religious texts describe humans as being molded from the earth or dirt or whathaveyou

long story short, it very much reminds of something like a creation myth, so i imagine humanity was, in fact, created by the eridians.

ESPECIALLY this smaller one reaching up to touch the relic

there’s no concrete proof for this, but its a hunch i have after studying this mural for a while. especially after Nyriad constantly questions why the Guardians were made to be on the brink of consciousness. humanity is Guardians 2, electric boogaloo. guardians were a mix of machine and bio goop, we are full bio goop. and that means we are curious, and have emotions, and are very naughty.

that or vice versa, eridians made humanity, realized we weren’t as subservient as they wanted and made the Guardians to fill that niche. Also, most importantly, the Guardians were literally made to be disposable. That’s their entire purpose. Their bodies will degrade, but then their souls will just eventually find another vessel. They’re trapped forever.

EITHER WAY

the Eridians created humanity and the guardians around the same time. enough that the guardians are likely vvvv salty about it.

humanity was made. Sirens came after that, through eridium experiments by the Eridians, explaining their connections to Eridium, as well as the other dimension (the one we are assuming Eridians are from) (think about the Lab Rats and Sirens and such)

so were the eridians preparing for something? war, maybe? possibly. they need firepower and obviously they wouldn’t sacrifice their own people when they have perfectly good constructs, so they’ll use their naughty meat slaves.

but the eridians need more than the sirens. they keep dying, and given the failsafe measures, its hard to keep track of them if one decides to let their powers go, despite the fact they added in, like, a siren gps for sirens to find other sirens and be drawn to them and shit

their big boy guardians, their constructs, aren’t doing enough to defeat their enemy

they start experimenting more with eridium. They learn it has the power to mutate things (mostly elementally, but also causes an increase in size, especially the longer/more they’re exposed to).

they create seraph crystals, condensed eridium, which mutate things at an increased rate. These become discarded eventually for reasons below

they begin finding other kinds of life and mutating the hell out of it using eridium/seraph crystals, in order to create their giant buttfuck squish monsters. These monsters are probably pissed the hell off bc they’re mutated and also probably being attacked by people. so they rampage, killing everything in their path.

the eridians need a way to store the big boys and also take them to the battlefields where they’ll annihilate the enemy, so they create the Traveler and the traveling Vault (which is why there was really nothing of substance in that Vault OKAY TAKE IT). Perhapeth the big flesh monsters mutate more due to being locked inside the Vaults and constantly exposed to eridium/whatever energy is in the other dimension.

Things are going well, and the big flesh monsters help turn the tide of war in favor of the Eridians, until the other party is completely wiped out by what they dubbed the Destroyer. So the eridians decide ‘well, we had our fun, time to put the monsters in their cages and forget about the seraph crystals’.

and most of the big boys, creation and mutation alike, are shoved in their Vaults, guarded by the Guardians so they can’t be released bc of naughty humans. except for one, notably the uncontrollable Destroyer. because it wiped out their enemies, now it wants more, with its insatiable hunger, so it turns its eyes on the Eridians and Nekrotafeyo

sort of explaining why the planet looks like it fucking exploded

the destroyer began to give it the SUCC

but there’s more about that planet

cuz the inside is all glowy and green and you totally know where this is going because i told you im pretty sure the eridians created humanity along with the guardians

i think this is the giant storage unit for all the souls, including the Guardian souls. humanity is depicted being pulled up from the ground in the Vault murals.

lemme explain here

I think nekrotafeyo is where the Guardian souls are stored, like one bigass computer. That’s also, we can assume, where the Eridians got the spark for humanity as well. 

around the game, when u ‘kill’ guardians, you can watch their sparks leave (they’re the red glowy things), they fly upwards and disappear. You can also see blue/green versions of these floating around and not doing anything, notably outside the Rampager’s Vault. 

I am curious if these color differences indicate a difference in wisp type (guardian v human) or if the red means they found another vessel and blue means they chillin. It is interesting to note that the Rampager has the ability to succ the wisps, so its possible its also related to the Destroyer. I mean, its way smaller, but it does IMMEDIATELY start wrecking shit as soon as it leaves the Vault.

anyway there’s more to this, because now we get to talk about ~ghosts~

if u didn’t heed my warning earlier, there are spoilers for guns love and tentacles past this point!! 

DOES THIS LOOK FAMILIAR TO YOU?????

THIS IS JUST HANGIN GOUT IN THE CORNER OF THE ROOM BTW

LITERALLY NEKROTAFEYO

and let’s not forget the Halloween event that showed ghosts are a v real thing in the borderlands and not just on carpenter planet

like super real. and the ‘hecktoplasm’ we get fuels a portal to heck. literally another dimension. that BY THE WAY is powered by a Maliwan device. that BY THE WAY is filled with Maliwan troops.

cuz remember on Nekrotafeyo where there are a bunch of Maliwan soldiers, but they’ve all got the DARK prefix to their name? you know how in the proving ground the dark maliwan troops are fighting side by side with a bunch of Guardians?

something fucky is afoot.

reminds me a lot of the terror effect

ANYWAY

i believe nekrotafeyo is where the eridian stored the sparks for both humans and guardians, that’s where they are coming from, and when nyriad questions how tf the guardians got that spark (stolen like fire of the gods), its because they’re slowly gaining sentience over time, probably relating to how many times they’ve been killed (returned to the core and then back again). because i 100% believe the eridians created the guardians just as an endless, permanent workforce, and the guardians that have been disposed of time and time again are starting to realize that and get SALTY. the reason i do not say that the guardians are gaining sentience with regards to how long they’ve been around is bc there’s such a huge difference between the intelligence of The Watcher and just a normal-ass Guardian that I have to assume their developing sentience has a different trigger.

anyway back to the eridians getting the succ from the destroyer. the eridians realize they can’t just run away from it back to their home dimension, maybe bc its tied to that dimension due to the vault mutations (i vaguely remember typhon mentioning that the destroyer is a dimensional horror) so they have to imprison it somehow. How do they do that? well it is fucking terrified of eridium (when you inject the eye of the Destroyer in TPS, it panics and freaks out), probably due to all the fucked up experiments they did on it, so let’s imprison it using that. 

And once we do that, we should probably get the FUCK outta dodge, bc these science experiments are getting c r a z y, let’s remove ourselves from the experiment and observe from beyond

so what do they do?

they get one of their sirens to operate a Machine they built that will send them back home. all of them, at once. we’re going home, fuckers. seeya. and obviously they will not tell humanity, because humanity will want to come with, like a lost puppy. and they will constantly question the other dimension and pester the eridians about it. humanity is annoying and the eridians have 1 big regret, im sure. 

they’re also leaving the Guardians to do their dirty work for them, keep the vaults closed so that humanity won’t open them and send the Eridian’s pissed off creations after them. Also explains why there are no Guardians for the Vault of the Warrior (is an Eridian construct) and why the Traveler had Guardians inside it but not on the outside (to keep it running). The only Vault that made me do a big think is the Vault of Elpis. But more on that later.

so they tell this siren that the machine is going to kill them all, and use their energy to power to machine (lol) to close the Destroyer in Pandora, giving a perfectly good super powered monkey severe anxiety. 

they also (apparently) do this ‘Forgetting’ thing, which Nyriad mentions, which makes humanity forget that we lived side-by-side with the Eridians and also everything about the Destroyer. which is so DUMB of the Eridians. 

because SERIOUSLY people, if you don’t want your idiot children opening something, the one thing you don’t do is make them FORGET WHAT IS INSIDE OF IT SO THEIR CURIOSITY GETS THE BETTER OF THEM WHEN WHAT’S INSIDE OF IT IS LITERALLY ‘HEY, YOU’RE ALL GONNA DIE’. literally pandora’s box. LITERALLY- that’s half the reason I think this is all just one big experiment to them. They don’t give a FUCK about us, actually. they just want to see what will happen. they named the fucking planet Pandora ffs.

like YEAH some people would probably try to open it, to try to kill the Destroyer. but guess WHAT FUCKLENUTS we could have had humans working to keep pandora sealed instead just your cryptic ass guardians. CURIOSITY IS A DANGEROUS THING

and listen. there’s a lot of reasons i believe the machine actually sent the eridians home. even if they actually are just morons and thought the Forgetting was the best thing to do for humanity (scoff)

fdgdsffssfgfsg

all-home

there’s more to this

what are we up to? i stopped writing this like 3 days ago and just came back to it

you guys know the whole story now. im not saying my whole entire backstory is fully correct (like, a lot of it is major speculation) but i do firmly believe these few points:

the eridians are from a higher dimension than our own, and came here for science, or to escape the destroyer

nekrotafeyo is named “first landing”

they have an obvious connection to another dimension thru vaults, eridium, and sirens

the eridians either created or experimented with humanity, eventually leading to Sirens

sirens have this connection to both eridium, vaults, and the other dimension

they have similar powers to some Guardians

on Elpis there are ‘pseudo-Sirens’ created upon exposure to chemical sludge near the Vault

Sirens probably are the result of very exact experimentation, meanwhile these fake Sirens are not

The Leech is able to create ‘Anointed’ who have Siren-like powers and turn to eridium when killed

In bl2, the Lab Rats can see the other dimension when phaselocked by Maya after they were experimented on with eridium by Hyperion

unlike other enemies who only see ‘blue’

every vault monster is the way it is because of the eridians doing shit, including the destroyer

the reason the rampager is so angry and begins destroying everything right away? it was mutated by the eridians/being locked in the Vault. It was stuck in there with a bunch of Guardians, probably either conducting more experiments or there as ‘prison guards’

the destroyer appears frightened of slag in TPS when you inject it, but it also gains power from it- pretty similar to Sirens, and if eridium caused these mutations it could explain the fear

eridium causes LOTS of mutations as we can see throughout the history of the borderlands games. i’ve written 2-3 long-ass posts about this now, i think y’all get the idea lol

terry, badass wildlife, slag/burning psychos, etc

we don’t know how long the destroyer/rampager/etc was exposed to eridium. We’ve only seen (relatively) small doses/exposure times

the eridians lied to Nyriad and are in their home dimension right now, probably laughing at us. or at least like ‘holy shit quick write this down’. this is probably all an experiment to them

I just have this FEELING

so sudden, and new

but really tho

The Overseer basically TELLS us that the Eridians are still out there somewhere

she calls them her masters, talks about how they left the ‘house’, then talks as though they can still see us in the present

Actually you know what, let’s talk all about the Overseer’s lines now because they’re dummy important

copy and pasting this because i forgot...

“vault hunter, I thought you might show up sooner or later. so naughty your species, so curious. the vault of vaults has been opened and IT has been released. prove your worth and I will reveal why the masters made me wait for you”

so IT is most likely the Destroyer. i have the firm belief that Tyreen just ‘slipped its chains’, as Nyriad puts it in her log right before the fight

like r u seriously telling me the eater of worlds is the size of a single story house lmao

NO

bigg

‘why the masters made me wait for you’ “MADE ME” I get the feeling she is here against her will, until her mission is completed

and that mission is to see which humans can pass the trials/the execute the trials

why? we’ll get to that. but she even hints that the reward may not be what we want.

“naughty humans have opened the vault of vaults but the masters will determine who is at fault. until next time, warrior”

so the second time she references her ‘masters’

Vault of Vaults is the vault of the destroyer. which is interesting to me. I guess it makes sense, is a big vault with other, tinier vaults on the surface.

I really wish we got an explanation as to what the Vault of the Architects was. might even explain the pyramid key ;-; fuckin pyramid key

so when i first heard this i thought there was some sorta ‘the masters will determine who is at fault’ rift between humans (the calypso twins or the vault hunters)

but now after learning more i realize this is probably between humans and guardians

are humans at fault for being naughty, or are the guardians for failing their only purpose?

i get the feeling the eridians will blame the guardians. the less favorite child :(

“long ago there was a brief spark, the first vault was opened, a light in the dark. a riddle, yes? perhaps it will unravel next time, hunter”

sooo im pretty bad with riddles

either this takes place long before our recollection of events, or this takes place around when typhon opened the first vault on promethea

what i think this means is possibly the beginning of Guardians gaining sentience

nyriad describes the smarter guardians as ones having a ‘spark’. i believe this is what the Overseer is referencing here- their gaining consciousness

THAT, orrrrr the guardians saw themselves fail at their only task and began to realize they could do more with their lives

failure breeds success, after all

“so, you’ve returned. persistent, yes. or stubborn? or both? are you so desperate to prove yourself?”

the differences between humanity and the guardians. humanity has strong desires/emotions, the guardians don’t

or, at least, they didn’t.

“we were created for one purpose by our masters- and we couldn’t even do that right (laughs). but don’t blame us! when a cog breaks, point your finger at the artificer, not the cog! are you a cog, Vault hunter, or an artificer? Or both? prove yourself worthy.”

lots to digest here

one purpose - to keep the Vaults closed

the guardians recognize they are only cogs in a machine, that they’re only tools, and it seems that they’re becoming bitter

‘point your finger at the artificer’ obviously blame the Eridians, not the guardians

‘are you a cog... or an artificer. or both?” i think is very important. i think this is another hint that humanity was created by the eridians

‘or an artificer, or both’ showing that humanity can step out from the shadow of whatever the eridians planned for them and make their own choices/destinies. the guardians can’t. ... yet.

“pity us not, though the world has been broken. those who sleep will soon be awoken. not long now, seeker.”

‘though the world has been broken’ - either bc the Eridians left them/the Vaults have been opened

more importantly “those who sleep will soon be awoken”

what i think this means, personally:

Graveward is a vault monster that appeared deceased (already killed or just died of natural causes) when we got there

but it was combined with a bunch of ship parts

this is confirmed both by the art book and by just LOOKING AT HIM lmao

these ship parts are likely a way to resurrect him by allowing the guardians to posses him

guardians are biomechanical constructs, so it makes sense that they would begin scavenging ship parts from eden-6 to fit to graveward

so they can have a stronger body to pilot

something had to be pulling those ships in to crash

also, this means BALEX didn’t do anything wrong lol

when you get to the vault, tannis is confused, because there should be a vault monster, but there’s only guardians

that is, until you kill Grave and Ward

they (and a bunch of other Guardian souls) then possess Graveward, bringing him to life- or, awakening him

what i think this means: the guardians are going to start possessing more and more stuff

why this means ‘those who sleep will soon be awoken’ possibly vault monsters who are killed aren’t actually killed, they’re just put in a sleeping state and the guardians will be using their tech to control them with guardian souls

the guardians stuck in that big ol computy machine somewhere (god pls let it be nekrotefeyo) are ‘sleeping’ and by taking control of those vault monsties, they will be able to wake up and pilot their own bodies

that is, there are too many souls, too little bodies, so they need more vessels

tl;dr: MORE GUARDIANS

also can we talk about how Sirens can absorb guardian souls pls?? bc what the FUCK tannis

ugh how fuckin’ creepy would it be if the eridians made the fleshy Vault Monsters and used the guardian souls to puppeteer them

seriously though, Tannis absorbed a bunch of Guardian souls why are we not talking about this

how was that not an important plot point

is tannis going to be okay?? i love tannis. please don’t hurt her. are guardian souls just pure energy?? what does it mean??? GEARBOX-

“the eridians were our masters, but we failed them. they gave the order then silence. they VANISHED. such is our fate, Vault Hunter, server to a master who has left the house so long ago. prove to me that you deserve an introduction.”

i think its really important that the Overseer doesn’t say the Eridians are DEAD. instead, she says they just ‘vanished’ or ‘left the house’

i think this further proves they’re still out there somewhere. probably watching over us like creeps

literally from the new DLC... come on. COME ONNNN

also confirmation the eridians are the ‘masters’ the Overseer is referring to all the time

side note i have the game sitting open on my other screen and wainwright just asked someone to drink him under the table what the f-

it does sound like they’ve been forgotten as even servants to the Eridians because she specifically says “were” and “but we failed them” probably meaning the Eridians were their masters UNTIL the guardians failed to keep the Great Vault from being opened

though i do think “prove to me that you deserve an introduction” is interesting

like do we not deserve one yet? well, not until we complete the trials she’s supposed to test us with

“we were supposed to guard the Great Jail. but no quarter for servants who fail. but servant, that is not quite right. ‘Prisoner’. that is what i am. Until next time, adventurer.”

kinda repeating what we learned from the above quote

‘Great Jail’ they put the Destroyer in evil baby jail for his crimes

no quarter for servants who fail - yeah the eridians are like ‘wow you guys suck, fuck you guys’

‘prisoner, that is what i am’. the guardians are all stuck in their roles. they’re trapped here

“a final chance to prove yourself. but will your reward be what you desire? a prisoner in a cell staring out at the fathoms of a sleeping universe. after a time, how would you know if you were prisoner or master? consider this while you prove yourself one last time.”

‘will your reward be what you desire’? we learn that the reward is actually being a guardian, so... it’s not great, if our deductions hold any water

‘a prisoner in a cell staring out at the fathoms of a sleeping universe’ - what the Overseer probably sees her position as guardian of the trials as a prisoner- same with all the other guardians stuck watching over the Vaults

i do also think this may be in reference to the fact she’s stuck in this dimension with us while the eridians ran away

“I am a prisoner, but you, vault hunter? what are you? hunter, warrior, hero? no matter what name i use, you return to prove yourself time and time again. but prove it to whom, i wonder? perhaps you seek a greater audition”

‘hunter, warrior, hero’ note she calls us by a bunch of titles throughout her greetings/goodbyes. but we are not satisfied by any of them

clearly we’re not proving ourselves to HER, since she questions who we are trying to prove it to

‘greater audition’ is likely in front of the ‘masters’ who are the eridians. remember, we have to prove to her first that we are worthy of an audience

“it is done and my masters have taken note. would you like to know what they told me right before they vanished? ‘beware the vault hunters, they will take your kind’s place’. now i am free, and you are chained. until next time, guardian

the eridians know what we’ve done- now humanity takes the place of the guardians

“beware the Vault Hunters, they will take your kind’s place” seems like a pretty fucked up thing to say

but also, more proof the Eridians knew what the FUCK was up, kyle

humanity is just guardians 2: electric boogaloo

the trails were ultimately a test to see if we were up to the task

and now that humanity (or, at least, the Vault Hunters) has taken the place of the normal Guardians, the others are free to do... something

what... i wonder.

i do think it is interesting that the Overseer is pretty morally gray here. like, she’s trapped here to oversee the trials for however long the Eridians have been gone, to see if humans are truly the successors to the Guardians

she obviously doesn’t want to be here, calling herself a prisoner

she even warns us that the reward won’t be something we want- i imagine she might not exactly be able to tell us WHY we will not like it, she is being watched by her masters (the Eridians)

like, i get WHY she doesn’t tell us what’s going to happen. if i were trapped there, I’d do the same thing

but here’s the thing

since we are (we assume) fully squishy and not mechanical in any way, we still have our free will (unlike, we can assume, the guardians)

so we’re not literally trapped in one job forever- we can choose whatever we want to do

so WHAT exactly do i think the guardians are going to do? well, they’ve got an entire army’s worth of souls, they’re resurrecting dead Vault Monsters, and they can modify their bodies now to become more weapon-like

what do I think is happening? The Guardians are preparing for war with the Eridians- they want to destroy their creators, and with us becoming the new guardians, there’s this loophole that allows the old Guardians to finally, FINALLY do whatever they want

(Is Fl4k supposed to be foreshadowing for this? Yeah, I believe they are!!)

+ also before i forget: the entire thing about there being a literal Fallen Guardian we have to kill

i believe this has to do with the fact when you kill it, it drops money. since we can assume the trials are crafted/designed by the Eridians, we can assume the Fallen Guardians are apart of that design as well. It drops money, which probably shows how it’s become corrupted compared to the other guardians. it has desires (collecting wealth). Since the Guardians are inspired by angels (especially in TPS), it’s probably supposed to be a direct callback to that

alright so I think you all are probably like CRUDDY THE PRE-SEQUEL

and like, yeah, that’s what i’ve been building up to the whole time

The Watcher!!!

“War is coming, and you’re going to need all the Vault Hunters you can get”

Let’s just look at the Watcher’s actions throughout TPS and Tales (well, her inactions in Tales, as well as 3)

In tps, the Watcher brings Zarpedon to the Vault, allows her to see the future, and creates the Lost Legion

so we all assume that yes, she’s trying to stop the Elpis Vault (and, by extension, Pandora) from being opened

but here is the thing. the lil thing. the BIG thing actually.

she stops us from killing zarps in the BEGINNING of the game

in the middle-ish when we kill zarp for realsies, she is NOWHERE TO BE FOUND. Zarp lets Jack know where the Vault actually is and little miss alien face IS NOWHERE AROUND

when you are inside eleseer, lilith mentions that the Guardians there actually let her through, like they WANTED her to be there

now let’s remember Lilith’s actions in tps (and remember that she is IN NO WAY at fault here. jack is a dickbag. you try to tell me this is lily’s fault and i’ll kick your shins into your asshole)

while jack is seeing the future about the Vault of the Warrior, she punches the treasure of Eleseer into his face. this cuts off the vision, so unlike Zarps all Jack sees is that he opens the Vault of the Warrior. Nothing about the Destroyer destroying everything.

and still, the Watcher is nowhere to be found.

So Jack opens the Vault of the Warrior, Lilith learns she can activate the Vault Map, the events of Tales happens, and Lilith has Athena tied up and is about to shoot her

WHEN FINALLY

FUCKING. FINALLY.

THE WATCHER SHOWS UP

and tells us that ‘we’re going to need all the vault hunters we can get’

now let’s TAKE A STEP BACK HERE

obviously. OBVIOUSLY.

this is pretty backwards from what the Guardians are actually meant to do: keep the Vaults closed. If she wanted us to NOT open the Vault of the Destroyer, she probably should’ve just come right out and told us what’s up. 

no, I think she 100% wanted the events to happen in the way they did.

Because remember, after this, SHE NEVER SHOWS UP AGAIN!!!

not in tales, where she could have stopped the Vault of the Traveler from opening (in fact she could have let Athena die and lowered the team’s chances of defeating the Vault Monster with whatever canon choices there are), not in 3 when she could have prevented the twins from doing any number of things they did, not to give advice to lily on sanc-iii, not during Commander Lily (even though she’s mentioned briefly) she did FUCK ALL

she did J A C K S H I T

it’s because she wanted this to happen. she WANTS the vaults open.

why? well, see above. The Guardians want the Vault Monsters all killed so they can resurrect them as big boy guardians

and that war she’s talking about? it wasn’t the war in bl3. That’s why she never shows her face. she’s talking about war with the Eridians. 

Which is probably bl4.

alright im tired. eridians bad. guardians okay-ish. they might try to kill us all and use our bodies as vessels, who knows.

anywaY this was all an elaborate plan for me to explain the backstory of h2o au and why magic is real in the borderlands universe and why they decide to FIGHT- [gets dragged off computer by a cane]

wow this is a 36 page document, why can’t i be this enthusiastic about school??

[honestsycrets]

Seeking Sunlight | [ Hvitserk x Reader

❛ pairing | drug dealer!hvitserk x druggie!reader

❛ type | multi

❛ summary | hvitserk came to sell his brother’s shitty boyfriend some drugs. he stays when someone catches his eye-- for all the wrong reasons.

❛  tags | drug use, drug dealing, serious dub!con (nothing graphic here), choking (slight), parties, lotta referenced sex, somewhat implied prostitution, slight abuse, lgbtqia+ characters: oleg, torvi, gunnhild, and ivar, minor violence, minor sexual content, party reference, dark fic to be, 18+, slight sadism?, offensive language, hvitserk is an asshole.

❛  sy notes | read the warnings.

He slid through clustered groups of people under the dismal light of the normal uppity and cheery backlights. Everyone he looks like another stranger in the grand scheme of it all, grinding ass against dick, or pussy against pussy, or maybe dick to dick. Hvitserk rubbed his eyes under the dark frames, dragging down the stairs from which a girl rushes past, straight to a group of bitches that look half-past toasted.

He breaches the bottom and heads past the sliding door where he hears his name shrilled out from behind a plastic neon cup. He looks up, realizing its Ivar sitting by his newest man, someone who had more problems than Ivar’s legs could ever have.

“Hey,” Hvitserk jogs toward the two. Oleg tilts up his hips, fisting out a roll of cash with one hand and with the other fondles his brother in places he never really needed to see. Ivar sucks down a cup of pink mystery punch.

“Hvitserrrrkkkk,” Oleg has this natural sing-song to his voice because he has everything and anything in control, that included Ivar. Something he thought he could never say before the man walked into the picture. “You have a little something there. Enjoyed Margrethe?”

He suppresses the sneer that’s snatched across his face, wiping his mouth of a little hot pink lipstick across his lip. “Enjoyed would be a stretch.” He snatches the money from Oleg, feeding it into his clip and stuffing it into his white hoodie pocket. Later, when he’d find somewhere, he’d put it one of his black steel-toed boots that wasn’t packing heat.

“She’s losing it, isn’t she?” Ivar says. He wishes he wouldn’t.

Hvitserk grunts, nodding his head like it’s with the wave of the obnoxious music beating in the distance, a few decades too early to be the old sugar daddy’s music. It’s not Ivar’s jazz, either. Hvitserk looks around, catching the sight outside, everyone that he’s known or should know.

“What you got for me, baby boy?”

Fuck-- he sneers at the name, rolls his lip into his mouth, then back out. “Your shit,” he quips quickly, fisting Oleg’s favourite out of the side pocket of his black slim jeans. Oleg takes it from him with the kind of broad smile that itches you.

“That’s my boy.”

He ignores that, too.

“I’ma go get a drink if it don’t bother you.”

Oleg slides open the ziploc, nodding his head toward the finely cut drug and flicking his hand out. He has what he wants. Ivar peers over at the bag as Hvitserk starts for the table where a topless woman is grinding her worries away. She looks happy now. Probably would sob later. “All good, Hvitserk.”

Hvitserk rolls on his heel, cocking a grin. “Why wouldn’ it be?”

He’s not even that thirsty-- but Oleg is a fuckin’ creep. He rather spend his time watching his ex-sister-in-law grind against his other ex-sister-in-law as it is when he jogs a little closer to Torvi and Gunnhild. Where’s Ubbe? He fists his hand into his pocket for his blunt.

Don’t know. Can’t care.

With a flick of a lighter he picked up two parties ago, he’s intent on working away all thought of him. When he turns around with his drink-- looking for a nice, safe, tree without jizz, he catches sight of eyes upon him.

Which, uh, why wouldn’t there be? But at the same time-- what did you want? Hvitserk takes a long sweep of his joint, maintaining eye contact the whole while. You’re pretty. Sad eyes, even from that distance, even if the warmth of a glittery smokey eye was trying its best to prove otherwise. He could only tell because you sat perched on one of Oleg’s questionably clean sofas a few leaps away, illuminated by the large floodlights. A skirt, cherry red, tight.

Good taste-- but talking to one of Oleg’s lackeys, pressing your hand to dangly earrings, pushing your breasts up for a nice look at what was under that draping blacktop. The ankle boots are cute, he decides. But you’re clearly working it up to Thing Two.

He huffs out smoke and looks at his cup.

“Hi,” he glances up.

Oh, hi. Your boots have sunk in the moist grass a little bit, but because he’s a fuckin’ gentleman, Hvitserk switches his just delights into one hand, and holds out the other to help you balance. “Not exactly the kinda space for boots, babe.”

“He’s a gentleman,” you laugh at first, then continue. “Most people don’t come to parties to hide in Oleg’s grass.”

Hvitserk snorts. From this angle, he can smell the drink on your lips. You’d been here a lot longer than he had, and that’s saying something. Maybe you’d been here as long as the couple fucking behind Oleg’s pristine hedges. Call it fertilizer, he’d say.

“Maybe not,” Hvitserk flicks his hand, motions for you to take it, and you do. He watches you press those silky lips, cherry red and chili hot, to it. The smoke plumes out between your lips, blowing in his face, but it doesn’t phase him.

“You want somethin’, don’t cha?”

You flick a loose curl behind your ear, looking at him behind expertly placed fake lashes, and he knows its not real. It’s another fucking hoax on top of the hundreds that were stomping around at this party.

“Maybe.”

“Maybe, she fuckin’ says.” Like he’s that stupid-- or he doesn’t know-- you probably watched him with his tweaker brother and the creepy sugar daddy too. You let his hand loose to offer him back the blunt. He takes it, puts it out with ease, and stands up straight. “Talk short.”

“I saw you give Oleg some.”

“He paid. I gotta feeling you’re here because you can’t.” Hvitserk knows he’s leering now, shifting around, shifting you too against the tree. “What’re you offerin’?”

Before you can answer, there’s a rustle from the bushes beside you, and a couple slips loose. You flick your head toward them, maybe expecting him to cut you loose. Or maybe because someone’s seen you, you feel more comfortable.

“I got part?”

Hvitserk’s eyes open up, wide like they do, either annoyed or surprised. He traces the line of your jaw to the soft tickle of cheap earrings. “I didn’t pay for part a bag,” Hvitserk leans his fingers up, tracing the muscle in your throat up behind your ear, and gives it a tug.

“Please? I can-- give you something else.”

It’s cruel to derive the sort of pleasure that Hvitserk does at hearing that-- but please, pressed out between your lips, rushes straight through his body. “You seen me wit’ Margrethe.” His amusement manifests in a small rolling chuckle as his hand comes over your throat lazily, and you settle those sad eyes over him, and fuck he could get used to that. “That’s a prior arrangement. Unlike what you sluts might think--”

“I’m not--”

“--I don’t fuck just anyone.”

“Please?” Hvitserk flicks your jaw back to look at him-- not the topless women jumping into the pool -- or Oleg shouting obscenities with Ivar shouting right back.

“Say that again.”

You reach out to grasp the strings of his hoodie, probably because you’re sinking again in the dewy grass and mud, offering a more confident please this time. It doesn’t tickle the same way. “Na, not like that.”

There’s this realization that fills your glassy eyes, maybe because he gives your throat a meaner squeeze, just like he likes it. Now Hvitserk’s not a particularly aggressive guy. He likes to deal for the fun of it-- to be that guy -- the one everyone has a need for. Shit, Oleg needs him too. He just doesn’t know it.

Something about you he can’t place. It’s the soft desperation behind those eyes. Maybe the gentleness you probably have that reminds him a little too much of someone he used to know. But he wants more of that sweet feeling in the worst of ways.

“Pl-ease,” you almost sob out. He loosens his grip a bit, that smile ripped playfully across his face. He pats your cheek with a little bit too much joy and slips away from you, taking a once over of your body, like it must meet his standards. He’s sure he has another condom somewhere.

“C’mon,” Hvitserk pats your ass. It’s gentle, this time. He’s sure you don’t know when his kindness will start or when it’ll end. But he’s not that kinda guy. You’d just have to figure it out. He offers his arm again, “Let’s go inside.”

“But--”

You pause, looking back to the brush like you expected to be another one of those women shoved up between the hot brick and itchy greenery. Hvitserk takes one look at it before decidedly propping up an eyebrow. You take his arm to avoid losing out on this opportunity and walk with him toward the hard concrete.

“You expectin’ me to fuck in a bush?”

“Oleg doesn’t let--”

“He’ll let me,” Hvitserk quips, passing by where the merry happy couple is fucking, and Hvitserk shouts something in a language you don’t recognize. It’s cute, Hvitserk decides; when your eyebrows scrunch up nice and tight. For a moment, you stop, looking back to where Oleg and Ivar were. “But why?”

“That’s easy,” Hvitserk leans in, setting a chaste kiss to your neck, perfumed with a spray you’ve gotten as a sample. Oleg flicks his head and its good enough for him to grasp your waist this time, rushing you past the first floor, bouncing with movement, toward the second and its winding stairs. “They need me.”

The door clicks in its lock. It’s a small noise, normally so harmless, but with the music thumping below, you’re reminded where you are. You’re in Oleg’s castle with a man you’ve only heard the name of. Hvitserk, the dealer.

You know very little about him, only the way he feels when he’s pressed against you when his cock is hardening up against your ass, and all you can feel is him. His cologne is rich, almost overpowering, if not more than the way he comes up behind you, his mouth dancing lines across your neck.

It’s decidedly gentle from earlier. So much so that you don’t even realize it was there, if not for Hvitserk growing in intensity, sliding his large palms under your shirt. You can feel the bruises bubbling up to the surface. “Should’a told me you bruise so easy,” he reprimands. You’re not sure what to say. “More like a princess than a druggie, huh?”

“No one calls me that.”

“Druggie?”

“Princess.”

Now that explained it. Now he knows.

@tephi101 @alicedopey (even tho i know you’re going to hate him to pieces ahahahha) @supernaturalvikingwhore @tootie-fruity @titty-teetee @queen-see-ya-in-valhalla @ethereallysimple @deathbyarabbit @deathbyarabbit @readsalot73 @natalie-rdr @lol-haha-joke @lisinfleur @hissouthernprincess @marvelousse @dangerous-like-a-loaded-pistol @vikingsmania @wish-i-was-a-mermaid @lif3snotouttogetyou @gruffle1 @cris101071 @gold-dragon-slayer @babypink224221 @wonderwoman292 @naaladareia @beyond-the-ashes @generic-fangirl @chinduda @laketaj24, @peaceisadirtyword, @ly–canthrope @cris101071 @daughterofthenight117 @unassumingviking @ladyofsoa, @inforapound @winchesterwife27 @feyrearcheron44@readsalot73 @squirrelacorngliterfarts @gold-dragon-slayer @medievalfangirl @sallydelys  @bluearchersstuff​ @affectionrabbitt @whatamood13 @notyouraveragegirl17 @igetcarriedawaywithyou @unacceptabletatertots @ivarandersen @stra-vage​ @tgrrose​ @cookies186​ @learninglemni-blog @theleeshanotlouise @soiproclaim​ @msmorganforever​ @beyond-the-ashes​ @queenmissfit​ @x-valhalla @hissouthernprincess @tierneygonzalez​ @alicedopey @rekdreams-fandom @athroatfullofglass @supernaturalvikingwhore​ @laughinglikenialler @ilvebeenabad @mblaqgi @neeadinghugs @gruffle1 @p8tn0lish​ @lol-haha-joke​ @wish-i-was-a-mermaid @lif3snotouttogetyou @lovelynerdytraveler @winchesterwife27 @tephi101 @therealmrshale @vikingsmania @igetcarriedawaywithyou @the-geeky-engineer @whatamood13 @strangunddurm @thethyri @peachesnpisces @ms-allenbrown @tempt-ress @isthat-tyra98 @unacceptabletatertots @deathbyarabbit

[whole-lotta-hoes]

Whole Lotta Hoes| Crack Fanfic Mini Series

Episode One: Zeppelin Is No More

Episode Two: Looking For A Job

Episode Three:

Episode Four:

Episode Five:

Warning:

This will cause you to lose a couple of brain cells and question your sanity. It will include a shit ton of weird shit and things that don't make sense at all. Do not read if you are not ready for any of this, read at your own risk.

Cast:

John Paul Jones (Main character)

Robert Plant

Jimmy Page

John Bonham

-------------------

Led Zeppelin is a band apparently. It's just a bunch of horny mother fuckers put together to make songs about sex. John Paul Jones was laying in bed with Robert Plant which he has no idea how that happened. He hoped nothing weird went down between them cause Jimmy Page would be so mad. oh jesus oh god you do not want to make that mother fucker mad. He'll literally turn you into a cheeseball and eat you. John got out of bed only to see that John Bonham was standing in the corner eating swedish fish gummies. He was not going to question it.

"Want some?" Bonzo asked him and he held one in his hand.

"I don't know you what the fuck!?" Jonesy yelled. He went to the baffroom and spotted jimmy trying to swim inside of the toilet. He believed he could do it if he tried hard enough.

"the oil supply demand is sky rocketing these days!" jimmy yelled as he got out of the toilet.

"Bitch do not touch me with your boo boo water," He warned him as he grabbed a toothbrush to use as a weapon. He learned how to make a knife with it in jail.

"Penis guitar playing is totes fun jonesy, you should try it," jimmie added. Oh mother fucker he is a heterosexual lad. Or that is what he said the other day when he ate some of robert's caramel popcorn. man he wondered how he even ended up in that stupid band. who's led and why does he have a zeppelin? you know some guy named their kid zeppelin but he claims that he didn't name him after the band. wait what were we talking about?

The band all decided to head to mcdonalds to eat happy meals. jimmy tickles.

"Guys! oh my god you will not believe it but britney is such a slut! ugh! can't believe she left me for a fish lookin' mother fucker-"

"No one gives a rats ass about your weird horny ass!" jimmy cut him off by yelling at robert. God damn that shithead has a huge ego but a small dick. Jonesy never understood why people liked him so much. He once stole his favorite pair of jojo siwa socks and claimed he never knew he owned any.

"You motherfuckers we're supposed to be going on tour!" Bonzo yelled as he swooped the food off the table.

"suck my asshole bonzo!" jim yelled.

"calm down pagey, he's just a meanie," robert added as he patted his head.

"y'all need to start realizing that no one likes you both!" jonesy snapped.

"shut up you're literally ugly and small and the bassist of led zeppelin and you look like heman with that stupid haircut of yours" Bonzo said as he ate jonesys burgers. damn that hurt.

"You know," jonesy began, "i don't need this job"

"what job?" robeet askes.

"shhhhh let the weirdo speak," jimmy said as he stuck his finger into his mouth.

"without me you will all suck asshole and no one will actually like led zeppelin," he explained.

the three slowly looked at each other and began to laugh their asses off at him.

"You act like you matter so much," robert added.

"shut up cheese cream! you're literally big and ugly and you look like you are 50 years old!" bonzo said as he drank his milk. that was funny. Jonesy felt his blood boil and grabbed his happy meal and stormed out.

-

It was the day of their shit concert. led zeppelin were backstage preparing to cause a dismother and set things on fire. preferably roberts underwear that pretty much doesn't exist in this case. the band stepped on stage and the crowd went wild.

"hello bananas-" That motherfucker fell forward into the drum set. oopsies. jimmy ran to him to make sure his hoe isn't dead or alive. fucking bon jovi.

"oh shit! robert plant is down!" he yelled. jonesy was absolutely done with them. they are nothing but a bunch of dumb fucks who ruin everything. He took out his laser penis and shot jimmy and robert to death.

"oh Motherfucker has a fucking laser pp! hija de su pinche madre!" jimmy yelled as he split in half. robert died again. bonzo just sat there blown away by the fact that that john paul jones just killed the front man and the guitarist of Led Zeppelin in front of millions of people. he was impressed.

"holy shit man you really-"

nope sorry but jonesy shot him too so he died. damn he could've let him live. meanie. oh wait im writing this so i could've.... ah man im too lazy to go back and fix it. too bad we're going with this plot now. Jonesy stepped off the stage and headed to the back.

"god dammit i hate everyone in this bloody world," he said to himself. he decided to hit the pub that was nearby to enjoy himself.

As he was sitting at the counter drinking something that is an alcoholic beverage. he began to spark ideas of what he could possibly do since led zeppelin died. He thought about starting a whole new band but he remembered that what caused him to kill led zeppelin. that was out of the shopping list for walmart. next was to steal money from the bank so he remains rich but he then realized that he is a famous musician and will get recognized quickly. fuck. he then thought of changing his hair to look less like heman cause that insult hurt.

"aha!" he shouted. He finally thought of something that could get him a shit ton of money. He drank the remaining drink from his cup and ran out of the pub.

-

he put on a thicc line of eyeliner, red lipstick, a black wig, fish nets leggings, high heeled boots, and earrings. oh man this is going to be hella great. His wife walked in to see what the fuck this small ass mothertrucker was up to this time. oh man i shat my pants.

"sweetie what the fuck are you doing!?" she yelled. Jonesy turned to look at her.

"led zeppelin is no more," he responded. She was so confused and wondered how the fuck she even ended up marrying heman. she had no idea what led zeppelin is no more meant and was hella concerned for his health.

"be back in a few days," he added as he broke his ankle trying to exit the house and rolled down the hill. oops it's not up the hill anymore. guess you could really say he went down hill. i hate myself so much. he walked down the sidewalk and ended up in someone's house. Motherfucker it's jimmy page's house. he stole his nice trousers or whatever those were. my teacher walked by as i wrote that btw. turns out they don't fit him cause jimmy is also a big hoe and jonesy isn't. shit. jimmy is embarrassing asf. that was pointless of him stealing so he stole his underwear. wait he wears those? imma look it up hold on. i didn't find anything about that so im just going to assume that he doesnt.

there was a picture of jimmy when he was with the yardbirbs and golly that is one ugly Motherfucker! he stole and stuffed it into his underwear. he got out of the house full of useless shit that he did not need at all. Then he forgot what he was doing. Jonesy continued walking down the street only to break his other ankle and rolled down the steep pathway. damn he's one dumb hoe bitch.

-

His laser penis was out of control. he just wanted to have a little me time but instead shot a whole through the wall of the motel be was staying in. god dammit. he removed his pp and switched it out with a normal pp. that's odd. his plan of overthrowing led zeppelin stressed him out. what else do you do when you're stressed? well can't say cause i ain't gotta peener. he got so bored. his days of not being in led zeppelin have been lame and was the worst idea he could even come up with. he didn't know what to do know. he can't just eat your grandma over and over again. he looked at himself through the mirror and oh my god I'm a sexy Motherfucker oh yeah bitch im THE BITCH. he needed to find something that'll keep him entertained for while.

babysitting was a bad idea. he got bitten by a bunch of goblins and gave him rabies. god i hate kids.

"hello motherfucker," jimmy said.

"OH SWEET MOTHER OF GOD DAD SHOES PENIS PLANT! I THOUGHT I KILLED YOU THE OTHER DAY!" Jonesy yelled as he jumped over the couch.

"Nah bitch that was just my twin brother Jamie Patricia Page," He added. "Bitch why are you dressed like a stripper?"

Oh yeah he forgot that was what he was going to do once he killed led zeppelin. he still can but now there's a little bitch with him named james patrick page.

"we should kill robert plant," jimny suggested.

"Bitch i already killed him, you're a little too late you duck whore," he responded.

turns out he didn't actually kill led zeppelin but instead killed their twin brothers.

"You want to overthrow led zeppelin into the trashcan?" Jonesy asked. "Thought that's what you and bert wanted to do...."

"Nah man.... percy is a very stupid penguin and is meanie.... he stole my jojo siwa socks," jimmy explained.

ah damn turns out robert plant is the villain of the story and should be died. he is too powerful. his hair will slice the fuck out of anyone.

"You got a plan?" Jonesy asked.

"i say we steal his pants and burn them and use them as an alternative to oil," he explained. damn science class. then this guy named bonzo showed up and began to beat them with his drum sticks.

"BONZO CALM THE FUCK DOWN! AHHHHHHHHH!!!" james yelled.

"sorry but robert said to beat you both with them!" bonzo yelled back.

jonesy dug through his pants and took out a bunch of swedish fish gummies.

"hey look! fish gummies! come and get it boy!"

"bitch what the fuck I am not some stupid dog for you to be doing that time of shit you small Motherfucker heman lookin hoe short shit," bonzo said.

"GIMME GIMME OH SHIT!" he attacked Jonesy.

jimmy page the god of led zeppelin stood there watching while cheering them on fight fight fight! it got in here so he removed his trousers and threw them at bonzo which ended up knocking him out.

"oh shit! your pants are powerful! we can use it to kill percy!" Jonesy shouted.

"NO! JIMBERT MUST GO CANON!" Jimmy yelled and jumped out the window. all you heard was splash. that motherfucker jumped into the pool and is now wet. that's a disturbing image. Jonesy rolled his eyes and went back to doing whatever the fuck he was doing. it all of a sudden got really bright outside. oh the sun came out cause it was cloudy. but wait! Jonesy looked out the window and spotted robert plant heading towards him.

"IM THE GOLDEN GOD-" that motherfucker fell inside of the pool and sizzled. cual pinche golden god ese no mas anda haciendo puros desmadres y estupideces de mario.

that was the end of led zeppelin.

[amphii-writes]

Haikyuu boys as songs on my spotify playlists P. 5, (Other characters + girls)

Warning, songs contain talk about: violence, sex and drugs.

Yuji Terushima: Pussy Talk by City Girls (feat. Doja Cat)

You know damn well that Terushima-san is a fuckboy, not saying that's immediately horrible i'm just stating facts. He might look like he gets bitches but he's for sure a virgin. He likes any song that gives  him confidence, so when he hears pussy talk he goes all out, i mean this grown ass man dances.

Suguru Daisho: Molly by Mindless Self Indulgence

Was this one self indulgent? Yeah. Daisho-san gives me punk vibes and like,,, awooga. He for sure likes songs that get him pumped up before games and Molly is exactly the song to do that. Even with his breakup from Mika he seems to be insanely persistent and probably is one of those guys who unironically says “I still see her shadows in my room.” which pains me a bit to think about.

Kiyoomi Sakusa: Devil Town by Cavetown

Sakusa-san gives me a “divorced parents” vibe, and as someone who has divorced parents I will defend this on a hill and die for it. The song itself isn’t overwhelming, so I think he likes it because it's almost a calm pain to him. And, with my head cannon that he has divorced parents, it fits even better.

Shinsuke Kita: Saturn Suv by Fredo Disco

Sweet farmer boy needs sweet sonG- wow I haven’t expressed my love for Kita-san ever on this website and that thought physically pains me tbh. He’s so sweet, so that's why I picked this bittersweet bop for him. It’s chill and almost controlling like he is, but not a bad controlling, more of a “guys-please-my-mom-is-home” controlling. 10/10 would recommend this song.

Aran Ojiro: Washing Machine Heart by Mitsuki

You might be wondering why I picked such a song for Mr. Man himself, but hear me out: He likes sad songs. Just like I've mentioned with many other soft boys before, he enjoys listening to sad songs even when he's not sad which I respect because,,, same here dude.

ON that note, I chose the washing machine heart because of how adult it sounded. Not in the sexual sense, but just in the “grown-up heartbreak” sense.

Atsumu Miya: Asshole by Hooligan Chase

This physically pained me to find on my playlist and so I deleted it immediately after finding it. ‘Tsumu-san gives me massive cishet man energy and that isn’t exactly good to think about. He reminds me of a frat boy named Jake who’s favorite thing is to fuck the holes in the wall that he punched. Doesn’t mean I hate Atsumu-san though! Actually, I find him and his brother very relatable and enjoy how they fight because me and my siblings did that kinda thing.

Osamu Miya: Lotta True Crime by Penelope Scott

Anyways, ‘Samu-san here gives me the energy that he binges true crime shows often with the team, ‘Tsumu probably calls Osamu a serial killer and gross and well,,, everything else you can fill in. The song itself is bitter and sarcastic, just like he can be and personally I find it super catchy (well, I enjoy all of Penelope's songs) and sad. The image of Osamu-san listening to true crime podcasts while getting stoned in his later years brings tears of joy to my face.

Rintaro Suna: As The World Caves In by Matt Maltese

A sad song for a boy who for sure has at least some sort of mental illness (I say that as someone who has mental illnesses). I believe that Suna-san has depression due to how burnt out he constantly is. As someone who again loves sad songs, I feel like he would just constantly have one on in his headphones. Give this man some therapy and a break.

Korai Hoshiumi: Verbatim by Mother Mother

Lil man really whipped out the energy when we first met him- he low-key scared me because I saw him and thought that he’d be quiet and sweet but oh boy was I wrong. I was also a little stuck on a song for him so I had to consult the Hoshiumi kinnies and they came up with Verbatim, which is on my playlist. Thank you, Hoshiumi kinnies, thank you. If you are a Hoshiumi kinnie, you are iconic and i appreciate you!

Takanobu Aone: Mr. Loverman by Ricky Montgomery

Wow anyways this song makes my aone kinnie go brr. Like completely brr. Aone-san gives me a soft indie, hot cup of tea, sweaters, knitting, and baking vibes. You may see him as a scary giant but I see him as a very big polar bear who needs a hug! He probably relates to the song because of how everyone views him as the Iron Wall and not a person, just the longing to feel loved and appreciated by someone is the main reason he’d relate so much. I would also bake brownies with Aone-san any day.

Kenji Futakuchi: Hayloft by Mother Mother

Our edgy king here for sure is a bastard. He’s cocky, funny, and sly with his rude comments causing me to think of an intense song for him. Hayloft is also an absolute banger of a song, so it wouldn’t surprise me if he had it be Date Tech’s theme song for the time being. I think that he’d also go to mother mother concerts and just be so confused, like if he went to an american mother mother concert he’d be looking at everyone there and just “woah” you also can’t tell me he wouldn’t want an alt S.O.

Kanji Koganegawa: Pretty Rave Girl by S3RL

Wow, me and Koganegawa-san here seem to have the exact same taste in music! When I hear pretty rave girls I go ape. I mean I shake my hands in front of my face because of the happy simulation! It’s such a cute song and the crunch is sooo perfect. I can see Koganegawa being into hyperpop and hardcore music like sewerslvt and SugarCrash! Like tendou-san and lev-san. He for sure sings the song when he gets up in the morning and blasts it in his car! The cute wholesome love song makes his heart go brr, and mine does too!

Ittetsu Takaeda: Breezeblocks by Alt-J

Man would listen to this and go full English teacher like the nerd he is, but then again I don't blame him because I honestly do too! This song was an old hyper-fixation of mine and so when I think of Takaeda, I think of Breezeblocks. All the literary devices and how the song itself is formed to create the perfect horrifying story of murder and cleaning up the crime scene all while talking about their lover is bone-chilling and I think Takaeda-san understands how messed up the song is but just really enjoys the cover that the love aspect almost is. Like when I first listened to Breezeblocks I thought it was a song about a lover leaving the singer, not the singer killing someone(possibly his lover) and covering it up all while thinking about his S.O. dark but great song, 10/10 childhood would be ruined again.

Keishin Ukai: Scotty Doesn’t Know by Lustra

Ah yes, Ukai here is punk and we all know it; and as someone who sees Ukai and gets many mixed feelings, I say we talk about highschool ukai. He mentioned that he didn’t get good grades when he was younger. Keishin-san reminds me of someone who got high instead of doing schoolwork, which like same but bro c’mon you gotta balance the zoot. Keishin-san also reminds me of a crust punk in the sense of how he acts: he’s super cool and if you're wrong he isn’t afraid to tell you you're wrong. He also gives me the vibes that he’d call out TERF’s on the streets and save girls from being harassed/assaulted. An absolute king if I say so myself.

Saeko Tanaka: Girls In Bikinis by Poppy

Ah yes, a bicon in her full beauty! Saeko for sure would be one hell of a partier and she for sure has had some drunken kisses with cute girls. And, we have to remember she is a tanaka, ryunosuke is literally her brother. Of course, simp runs in their veins, and god, what I would do for her to just give me a thumbs up or any positive affirmation. Oh and she for sure kicks TERF’s in the shins with Ukai-san. Someone get her a monster and a crown because she’s the queen :)

Akiteru Tsukishima: Boys Will Be Bugs by Cavetown

As Akiteru-san here has struggled with self esteem before and not wanting to let people down, I saw BWBB and instantly understood why it stands out to me so much when I think about him. The song itself is about giving into harmful stereotypes because that's how the world and people see you. Boys are often seen as people who aren’t allowed to have feelings due to toxic masculinity and I think that the reason he lied to his brother could’ve been influenced by that.

Kiyoko Shimizu: Sweet Hibiscus Tea by Penelope Scott

Sweet hibiscus tea is one hell of a song for people who don’t feel like enough, and that's exactly how Kiyoko-san feels. I can see her for sure feeling like an outsider to her own life. So many people look up to her and she doesn’t know why, her low self-esteem is something that I've come to understand after watching Haikyuu. Give her some tanaka and she’ll be fine.

Hitoka Yachi: Oblivion by Grimes

Our favorite ball of anxiety for sure is scared about walking home, she has a great reason to be anyways! What’s scarier than being kidnapped? Nothing tbh, shits horrifying (I say as someone who was indeed almost kidnapped). Yachi always thinks that the worst will happen and prepares for it, but then again I can’t blame her.

[thecreatorofcharacters]

who are your ocs?

Good question! For now, I'm putting my god ocs here. (please don't hate they were for a story I thought of-)

Phoarus: He's kind and tends to be impulsive. On the outside, he has a lot of self esteem. Phoarus is mature and calm. But on the inside, the god of blessings is...childish sometimes. Phoarus also falls in love too easily. (What you can do to make him fall in love is, well, he's interested in people who wear tight clothing i'm sorry ;-; but he also likes how kind the person is.) This guy doubts himself a lotta times. So he wants someone to be there for him. His interests are books, history, animals, biology, art, and getting into new interests.

Kuxesis: Ah, the god of joy. Kuxesis is adorable! I'm sure you'll love him. Kuxesis looks like a feminine male on the outside. He is a HUGE optimist! He tends to be oblivious to flirting and any forms of affection from someone he's not dating. On the inside, the god of joy feels a constant need to check up on people to see if they're alrightc if they're eating, if they're healthy. He doesn't even think of himself much! You gotta love him. or else. *death glare, then normal smile* eh? eh? Kuxesis' type of person...Someone loving and someone who reminds the god of joy to think about himself sometimes. Someone who will appreciate him not just for his optimism. He also likes taller peopel (he's 5'10) and a more serious person. Kuxesis' interests are art, magic, history, animals, fashion, food, rollerskating, and learning about pretty much anything

Qhikros: Ugh, this guy. Typical bad boy. Not really. But yeah. He's got a seriously horrible-ish personality! The god of revenge's expressions are just deadpan expressions. He finds it hard to show emotion. People often insult him and he responds with, something like, "Oh, ok." Some others have fought him oved his response...Anyways. Yeah...unbelievable, right? Qhikros, on the outside, seems cold and boring. Most people don't like him for this. On the inside, the god of revenge is asking a lot of questions to himself. "Why now?" "What did I say?" Qhikros likes people who are optimistic and adorable. He likes people who are shorter than him. What can I say, I guess he just doesn't like being shorter. Qhik's interests are history, animals, food, art, crime cases, mystery, reading, and psychology.

Thatrix: Ah, the god of ghosts. On the outside, she's cunning and quite annoying and pulls some unfunny and funny pranks. But on the inside she does this to push people away because she's afraid she'll get too attached and then they'll hurt her. Or worse, she'll hurt them. Trix likes people who can keep up with how annoying she is. She likes people who like her for her. She wants someone who knows that she'd never hurt anyone. Thatrix likes people who understand her and accept her. Her interests are crime cases, horror stories, food, graveyards, mystery, and history.

Nytrix: This bitch...she's somewhat similar to Thatrix. Except she's less rude and shes the goddess of trickery. On the outside, she's flirty and annoying. She also pulls a lot of pranks. Ny steals stuff sometimes, mostly money or food. On the inside, she just wants someone to like her for once. nytrix likes nice people who are accepting. She also likes hot people. Ny really needs someone that will remind her that they love and appreciate her. Nytrix's interests are videogames, crim cases, mystery, horror, food, fashion, and animals.

Mayo: Ah, yes. the transgender (mtf) goddess of hope. On the outside, Mayo doesn't really talk much. She's sensitive and has a slight lack of self-worth. Mayo tends to be seen as quite helpless or dependent. If anything, she's more of a follower than a leader. On the inside, she wishes she could be more independent and leader-like. The goddess of hope is always hoping she doesn't have to lack self-worth anymore. Mayo wants someone who can remind her how much she's worth. Actually, no, she NEEDS that kind of person. She needs someone to accept her for her. Mayo's interests are anime, manga, videogames, animals, food, reading, skateboarding, and clothing.

Diara: Diara is the goddess of souls. On the outside, she doesn't really seem to fall in love easily. Except she does. She's quiet and mostly serious. but on the inside, she's just wondering what people think about her. Dia is also worrying about Phoarus and if he's still alright after losing someone he loved, and she was a redhead named Erelia. Dia and Phoarus are like siblings in my opinion. Anyways...Diara likes people who are bold and have a lot of self esteem. She likes people who think they know how much they're worth. But if someone lacks those qualities, that's ok. She'll be there to remind you how much you're worth. The goddess of souls' interests are art, weapons, history, cats, cooking, baking, books, and stuffs about weather.

Inos: The god of the sea is, on the outside, serious, blunt, and just mean in general. But on the inside, he's taking away people's self worth so he can have his own. Inos likes people who have a lot of money. He also likes people that remind him how much he's worth so he'll at least stop bullying people. His interests are weapons, crime cases, history, insects, reptiles, stars, the ocean, and psychology.

Shustus: The god of fertility is flirty and goddamn is he hot. He smells like chocolate for some reason. Shustus, on the outside is surprisingly really nice and of course, flirty. But on the inside, he’s wondering if he’s weirding anyone out. He tries so hard not to but ends up doing that on accident. Shustus likes people who know how to cook. He’s…kinda bad at that. He also likes people who are good in bed super nice and can keep up with his flirtiness. Shustus’ interests are music, food, biology, animals, nature, and money.

Aione: Aione is the god of forgiveness. Poor guy… cause on the outside he’s shy and mostly nervous a lot of times. On the inside, he worries a lot about things. “Do they hate me?” “Will my future be really bad?” “Will I disappear someday?” poor guy :( Aione wants someone who can remind him how much he’s worth. And someone who can give good advice. His interests are books, stars, movies, food, animals, music, art, and psychology.

Lazziar: Lazziar is hot asf. He’s the god of promise. promise to marry me pls He smells like lavender. On the outside, he’s attractive. A lot of people like him! On the inside, Lazziar worries a lot about what people think of him. Osekreis has to tell him not to worry all the time. Laz likes people who know how to cook and have interests similar to his. The god of promise’s interests are stars, astrology, astronomy, cats, music, art, theatre kid memes, and food.

Osekreis: The goddess of freedom is a redhead who’s shy and helpful on the outside. She gives kinda good advice. And she smells like strawberries. On the inside, though, she thinks that she doesn’t give good enough advice. She wonders if the advice was actually helpful. The goddess of freedom’s interests are music, food, insects, the sky, stars, anatomy, history, art, and school memes.

Miria: Miria is the goddess of doubt. On the outside, she doubts people and what they can or can’t do. On the inside, she’s just afraid of people doubting her. Miria smells like oranges for some reason. Miria likes people who doubt themselves because then she has someone to talk to and she can make them feel better. Helping people makes Miria happy. Her interests are guns, weapons, stars, horror, ghosts, mystery, history, and books.

[disneyphantomlover]

Thoughts on BATIM’s Crack-Up Comics, Part 2

“Now, to tackle the Dime-Store Comics!

Good Golly, Charley is such an overzealous bad guy! It’s rather hilarious.

Also, the “door” for the ship has a cannon. I think that’s a decent “No Solicitors” warning.

OMG the damn soup....

Is it just me, or does Alice look like someone completely different? I know it can be chalked up to style and all, but seriously. Boris and Bendy look just like their comic strip selves, just a little more animated. But Alice? She’s got a different face, her eyes are much larger, her body is SIGNIFICANTLY slimmer, she’s lost her cleavage and her stockings, her heels are flats, and her hair is thinner. Not to mention she has a slightly different personality. Is... Is this meant to be taken as Susie was replaced by Allison between 1935 and 1936?

This... This is so absurd. The Bendy Scouts of America thing just makes me laugh though.

Okay! Okay, okay, okay... Boris saying “Good Golly Gosh” is too good for me. 

Well. There he go!

Again! Alice’s horns getting huge and her halo shrinking, along with that serpent tongue?! Please tell me this gag continues whenever she gets pissed off!

...These guys look like Instant Martians from Looney Toons. I’m not the only one thinking this, right?

NOT THE BEES!

YES, THE GAG CONTINUES.

Boris, your alliteration is impeccable. Somehow I wasn’t expecting that out of you. 

Bendy. My dude. Little Devil Darling. HOW the HELL do you continue to dig your own grave here? Alice is so done with your shit. 

I’m just imagining Boris saying all this in the most deadpan voice ever, and complete with the image of the moon? I died laughing.

I know it’s a plot device, but having the main character apologize for his actions, leading to finding a way out of the predicament he’s in? I love that shit. 

Also, that’s a lotta cheese. 

HOW ARE THERE WANTED POSTERS OF THEM?!

Sheesh Alice, leaving Boris to the vultures?

....These last two pages are absolute madness. Now there’s lasers? Boris can understand the vultures? They can catch a shooting star home? They landed on Charley?! What IS this?? Did they suddenly run out of paper and had to chop up the writing or something?

...What is this postman? WHAT IS THIS?? It’s a fucking clone with wings and a mustache, that’s what!

Huh. So that’s interesting. Yes, they got Pluto’s name and title right, but looking at the pitchfork and the later picture of him? He looks more like a Christian form of Satan rather than the staff-wielding, helm-wearing Pluto. I’m guessing it’s because they wanted to throw in a little flair and not directly reference Satan.

And can we appreciate that the letter had a little heart on it? And worry that it was signed “Hate, Papa Pluto”?

Somehow, I feel kinda sad at this. Bendy got all this power thanks to someone he knows, and he tries to better himself and others around him. And you just know it’s gonna get fucked up. 

Boris, your personality is getting a bit food-based.

Alice blushing is the cutest image ever. 

I. FUCKING. CALLED IT.

....Again. Feel kinda sad that Bendy is getting screwed over by something his dad gave him. 

Okay, can Alice just... float? For no reason whatsoever? I’m okay with this, I just need to know. 

AND she can charm a tree into doing what she wants?

Of course it takes an angel to shatter a devilish pitchfork. 

BENDY. At least retain your lessons for 5 GD MINUTES. 

Wait, again? What have you two idiots done to get a bounty on you a first time?!

Constable Alice is amazing and I love her. Even when she’s being a lil shit.

YES, the gag’s back!

I thought “parka squirrel” was a joke. Nope. Actual name for an Artic ground squirrel. Especially in Alaska.

The dialogue in this one is great. As is the slapstick. It has an almost Wile E. Coyote feel to it. 

Also, Bendy is the one having all the ideas that just fall flat. Sounds a lot like some asshole named Joey Drew we all know.

That is a legit river of gold. I don’t know if it’s making fun of the Klondike Gold Rush, or the “liquid gold” known as oil in Alaska, but I love it.

Much as I love the hijinks of the two going down the mountain, what the HELL kinda skeleton IS THAT?!

I don’t even care this comic is ripping off old superhero comics. It’s too damn funny and it’s the right amount of absurd. 

I just noticed all the irradiated bacon soup in the china cabinet. If that’s a reference to Fiesta Ware, I’m going to scream. 

“Fiesta commenced commercial sales of colored dinnerware in 1936. Most colored ceramics made prior to World War II, including Fiesta Ware, contained uranium oxide.” SON OF A BITCH! 

Yep. Had to pay homage to Superman. But it’s Boris, so I’ll let it go. I like the implication that Boris is a strong boi.

....I’m sure many have said this but... That CameraMan is too damn similar to the Projectionist. 

UMMMMMMMMMM. HI BRUTE. You are um... Something. 

Not sure what I think of Miss Twisted. Adore her design! But... Man, what’s with this random shoe-ing in of the antagonists of the game?

...Okay, as menacing as they try to be, I love that the Camera Man and Brute think the worst thing to do is knock apples out of trees and steal candy from babies.

BORIS! Ever hear of SPACING THEM OUT?!

This whole fight is silly, but it works! It’s just stupidly cute and simple. Wish it was that easy to beat the Projectionist in the games. Or take Brute Boris down. 

....They 100% referenced Spiderman there. Like, it’s clear as day. What the hey?

I kinda like the idea of Alice being a pilot. Yah know, since she was in the skies so often anyways. 

I almost want to make fun of the nun OF COURSE showing up asking Alice for help. But... I mean... Who better to ask help from other than an angel who knows how to fly well?

“Niuport 17″... Why is that familiar?

“The Nieuport 17 C.1 ... was a French sesquiplane fighter designed and manufactured by the Nieuport company during World War I.” .....Huh. We’re learning things today! It even looks like Alice’s plane!

Kinda amazed the Morse code is correct.

This is so zany and silly. Also, I don’t think pills work that quick.

YES. USE THE POWER OF THE CHILDREN. 

I feel like I should call bullshit on that. But at the same time I like the idea of all the nuns in that abbey running an undergrounds mechanic shop for the Allies. 

Hang on. Either this is a minor mistake or someone messed up the timing again. But War Bonds in comics didn’t start until December 1941. And this is supposed to be between 1936 and 1940. I mean, they were originally called Defense Bonds, but specifically “War Bonds” were after Pearl Harbor.