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rachelsmithson · 7 years ago

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Just how much can I date someone who I’m not “dating”? #SENDHELP

Good god, back for my daily dose of drama in the currently ever-so-boring life of me, myself, and I. I guess I probably have a lot to update you on if you follow me fairly consistently on here, considering I pretty much fell off the grid in the last 6 months. Yeah, about that... Truly my most sincerest apologies. I really needed to make it through the end of my final undergrad year and, while I truly value my creative juices, I’m afraid every last drop of it was used to will me through the end of my last year. Good news though- those years are over and I’ve sworn to myself that I’m never going to spend any form of any type of extended period in my life doing something I don’t want to do. USC Business School anyone? Yeah that’s what I’m talking about.

But that’s all you really need to know about that, so quickly moving on...I’m going to skip you guys right up to today, and I’ll fill in the blanks as we go along.

Remember Conrad? Well the name hits a little too close to home and so I think we are going to call him Oliver. Although that does sound very English. Which actually, on second thought, now seems ideal since he is South African and Irish. So today I decided it’s time for me to find a way to break this up nicely. Wait. Did you just read that right? As in drop him?

Yes, yes, yes hear me out. Things smoothed out over the spring thanks to our many genuine conversations over winter break that clearly needed to happen. So after a number of conversations over winter break, we finally were able to chill out for a couple months. Until he pissed me off at Ultra in March and then I got over him and then when he kissed me when I saw him in April I fell all over again. Okay. So, it’s been a bit of a roller coaster ride. But we are both still on it, which blows my mind. Well at least I thought we were.

My graduation was on May 17th, and Ollie was supposed to come home then. That night. We hadn’t seen each other in two months and despite how stubborn the both of us can be, we had gotten to the point where we were texting back and forth, “I miss you”. Exactly, 20 minutes after our plane landed in the U.S., I received a message from him, “Is someone back in America?” Suffice to say, we were excited to see each other.

However, things got real choppy real quickly. I smoked with my friend Alex as I always do when I return from vacation. Then I went over to say hi to my other friends- Andy and Charlie- who I haven’t seen in ages. Charlie was back in town before being deployed out to Newport Beach for training camp, so I especially wanted to make sure I got to say hi to him.

As I had been texting Ollie on the way back from the airport, I learned that two of his housemates from school were staying with him for the weekend. Cool- I had met them before and I liked his housemates- Awesome. I met up with them out at the bars, but was too tired to drink. That night, twice, Conrad called himself my boyfriend. And that was the beginning of the great fall of the domino wall.

It drove me nuts. It’s been driving me nuts. How could he do that to me?! He knows I’ve been wanting to be in a relationship with him now since last summer. You can’t just say you don’t want to be in a relationship and then just start calling yourself my boyfriend without even asking me about it. Of course I was pissed. And to top it off, when I asked him about it after we had gotten back to his house and hooked up, he laughed, claimed he and the guy made “friendly conversation”. I called him on his bullshit and he just pulled me closer, and murmured “friendly conversation” in my ear as we dozed off.

But of course this was going to keep bugging me, because who would it not bug. When I finally talked to him about it, he chalked it up to me “making too big of a deal out of it” and that he had done it simply to get that “creepy guy” away from us. Coward. What a fucking coward. That hurt. You think I couldn’t read right through that. But seriously WHO DOES THAT? So instead of owning what he said, he pretty much told me I was overthinking it. It kept bugging me so I kept bringing it up until I more or less said, “look just don’t say it unless it’s true”. At which point he responded, “Understood”.

But since my little freak out at him, things haven’t been the same and I’m wondering if I’m to blame for it. I can’t figure this guy out at all. He invites me to his grandparent’s christmas eve party to meet them. His mom knows I sleep over (he actually told me this past weekend that his mom is cool with me sleeping over but doesn’t want him having random girls in his bed. Like oh okay cool, your mom is on my side) and is only okay with it because it is me. I’ve met both of his parents. He’s told me tons about his family. And even when I was with him last weekend, he was kissing the back of my head and stroking my hair. He had his arm around me and at one point had my head in his lap (face up, not face down. Get your mind out of the gutter!). But what does all of that matter if the only hours we see each other are between 1am and 7am on Sunday morning? WHAT IS THAT BULLSHIT?! Are you freaking kidding me? It doesn’t matter how into a girl you act, if those are the only hours you’ll hang out with her, shes a booty call. A straight booty call.

But it’s been driving me nuts. We’ve only hung out once when it wasn’t between the hours of 2am to 6am and I practically had to go to his place to get him. We watched a movie and hooked up and even then he didn’t seem that into it. Well I mean the sex part, yes but otherwise he just didn’t seem to care.

He’s got some other stuff going on in his life- family and otherwise- but that’s not an excuse for why he cannot find a single daylight hour to spend with me and if he likes me, then this shouldn’t be this difficult. And I finally realized this is going to haunt me down to Miami if I don’t do something about it and I don’t want that. The point of moving was to get away from all the leftover bullshit that hangs in our town. And all the other extra problems or drama. I texted him on Monday about playing tennis (something we had talked about Sunday) and then I was like, “Can you do wednesday 11am-1pm?” and he was like I’m not sure I’ll check. So Tuesday night rolls around and I text him, “I’ll take that as a no”. And he had the balls to text back “Hm, not necessarily” at like 12am. Unreal like how rude. What the hell? So at around 2pm today, I messaged him asking if he could swing by and that I wanted to talk, saying I would make it quick. He got back to me short and sweet- “hey sorry was working what’s up?”. To which I replied, “I figured. Not much. I’d like to talk to you in person at some point when we are both preferably sober and it isn’t 1am. As I said I’ll make it quick”.

For those of you wondering, here’s what I want to say:

“Hey this has been fun and all but when I’m down in Miami, and you’re down there, I don’t want to be your Saturday night girl who you only hit up between the hours of 2am and 6am. I have so much more to offer and want to be so much more to someone else I’m involved with and I just worry we aren’t on the same page. The only time we ever see each other is between 2am and 6am on Sunday morning and I’m starting to feel like a wet rag...wring it out, use it again, wring it out, use it again, etc. and its a really shitty feeling. I’m not asking you to be in a relationship with me, but if you care and want to keep doing this, I’m down but i want to actually spend time with you. And if all you want is a saturday night girl, you should probably find a new girl”.

Harsh? Maybe. But I’m feeling like shit also don’t forget. And it sucks even worse for me because I really like him and I think he only kind of likes me. And that just blows. The real question is if he will even get back to me. I’m worried he won’t have the balls to, which only makes me want to ditch him even more. We all knew this was going to happen eventually. My friend George thinks that Ollie and I will figure it out. He seems to be in a healthy positive mindset about the whole thing. Meanwhile, I’m freaking because I’m worried I’m going to loose this guy. Crap who even knows what will happen....Stay tuned my lovely followers. I’ll make sure to provide a play-by-play when I get the chance.

xxR

#love #romance #bottycall #boy #girl #dating #notdating #conversations #update

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