#bottom line: they are ADULTS. in a relationship. a relationship that you weirdos are NOT a part of.

[motionless-in-blue-socks]

i am sooooo tired of people talking shit about chris's girlfriend. like, they are grown ass adults. leave them and their relationship alone 😭

[kimkhimhant]

Okay, I am so completely baffled that there are people that pretend Kim doesn't have a soft underbelly that I have to respond to your tags. (If I'm completely out of line by doing so, just delete this and pretend I never sent it.) Okay, here goes. *commence rant* Ignoring Kim's softness is ignoring half his personality and the duality that makes him so interesting. The fact that the same hands that can take out eight men without flinching can then turn around and comfort his devastated older brother even while knowing (probably) that his brother is devastated for no good reason is what makes him such a good character to sink your teeth into. Also also, and this is getting more into my own personal headcanons, ignoring that side of him removes most of the nuance in his relationship with Kinn.

All of this to say that I personally adore the way you think about and write Kim and people need to relearn how to just keep scrolling when they see a take they don't like, especially about a character with as much room to play as Kim. *end rant*

This always feels like a hard thing to talk about without stepping on toes because when i've made posts in the past, even jokingly, about kim being a soft weirdo with chay or getting panicky in the face of real emotions, and especially with my sub or bottom kim posts, i've made some people who are strictly "dark kim" enjoyers really upset. and i'm not trying to like, invalidate any one else's take on his character, and like! this is fandom! whatever! if people want to write dark kim or dark chay or dark anyone, that's great! they have every right to!

it just become a problem when people get superiority complexes about their interpretations, i think.

like, i know my interpretations and stories aren't perfect and never will be, and i know that some people will interpret things in canon vastly different from how i do, and that's fine. the great thing about fandom is that there's space for every person and every interpretation here (or there should be).

but. i completely agree with you. my favorite thing about kim, and my favorite thing to explore with his character, is the nuance, and the unspoken things. like i said in my tags: that smile when chay hugged him, which was the most genuine smile we see from him in the whole show. or the scene with his brother's when korn "dies" and he looks like such a kid when he looks up at chan and when he comforts khun, and then the scene in the studio when chay sings "this song is called you" and kim looks absolutely devastated before getting up and leaving. it's like, there's so much softness and childishness and uncertainty there in his character on screen even if it's only shown in dialogue-less shots.

i love analyzing these things, i love writing about these things, i love the dichotomy of this character who can kill so ruthlessly and then still approach love and romance with the innocence and uncertainty of a lonely kid who's barely an adult.

this is getting long winded but, yeah.

thank you for the ask and im really really happy you enjoy my interpretations and fics so much.

[aikoiya]

What if Frisk was an adult and a therapist? 💖

What if Frisk is an Adult Therapist, that tricks any Monster that attacks Frisk into talking about their true feelings/problems?

1.

Papyrus: Wowie, I feel great getting all that off my chest! I don’t think I even need the therapy anymore! I’m gonna leave right now!

Frisk: So, same time next week?

Papyrus: …Okay.

2.

Frisk: Oh, I think these incidents is a better path than any other to the heart of your issues.

I think it’s possible that you and King Asgore have a very specific dynamic. I don’t think it’s one that teaches you proper self-control or discipline. I think it may even sometimes reward you whenever you get temperamental.

I think it’s possible that type of dynamic had spread to your other relationships, and your friends are probably afraid to call you out whenever you go too far, because it’s either gonna hurt your feelings or cause you to lose your temper on them.

Undyne: …Screw you.

Papyrus and Alphys: UNDYNE!

Undyne: Screw both of you, too.

3.

Mettaton: What? No, what kind of question is that?

Frisk: The kind that wasn’t designed to attack or hurt you in any way.

Mettaton: Oh, Jesus Christ, one of these…

4.

Frisk: It’s not my job to take sides or pass judgment. Do you think when your brother asks to go to Grillby’s again, you could ask him-

Papyrus: He won’t have to ask for my permission, okay?! He won’t need it! He’ll just do his own thing again, like always! He doesn’t need anything from anyone!

Frisk: You admire him for that.

Papyrus:…It’s better than making your problems other people’s problems.

5.

Papyrus: I am afraid… that people or my own brother won’t respect me… unless I’m popular.

Frisk: Great job. Alphys, you go.

Alphys: I am… mad, that I can’t watch kid shows without people assuming it’s because my life sucks… I hope to be seen one day as someone that just likes cartoons and anime.

Frisk: Excellent job. Undyne, do you have an “I” statement?

Undyne: …I am… I am sad that… I’m sad that my friends weren’t honest with me, about how I was sometimes scaring them. I want to be a better friend to them.

Frisk: Look at this team go! You guys are pros! What do you guys think about doing this once a week?

6.

Frisk: Sans, why did you lie to your brother?

Sans: So I wouldn’t have to come here.

Frisk: Why didn’t you want to come here?

Sans: Because I don’t respect therapy.

And I don’t think going to some agent of averageness that explains which words mean which feelings has ever helped anyone do anything.

I think it’s helped a lot of people get comfortable and stop panicking, which is a state of mind we value in the animals we eat, but not something I want for myself.

I’m not a cow. I’m a comedian. When I feel like it. So… you asked.

Frisk: Sans, you seem to alternate between viewing your own mind as an unstoppable force and as an inescapable curse. And I think it’s because the only truly unapproachable concept for you is that it’s your mind within your control. You chose to come here, you chose to talk -to belittle my vocation- just as you chose to become a comedian.

You are the master of your universe, and yet you are dripping with ketchup stains and grease. Your mind literally vegetating by your own hand.

I have no doubt that you would be bored senseless by therapy, the same way I’m bored when I brush my teeth and take a bath. Because the thing about repairing, maintaining, and cleaning is it’s not an adventure. There’s no way to do it so wrong you might die.

It’s just work. And the bottom line is, some people are okay going to work, and some people well, some people would rather die.

Each of us gets to choose…

7.Mettaton: Wow, that shrink, what a monologist.

Alphys: …Are we gonna go back?

Undyne: Jesus Christ… Therapists, man.

Sans: And yet people call me a weirdo.

Mettaton: We should get a drink.

Sans: Really? Like, go somewhere?

Mettaton: Yeah, let’s have a little party to celebrate surviving the shrink.

Undyne: Absolutely!

Papyrus: I… I liked Frisk.

Sans: So what are you guys thinking, like, the restaurant at the MTT Resort? Maybe Grillby’s?

Undyne: Yeah, either one. Either one.

What if Frisk’s therapy sessions somewhat helped fix Asgore’s and Toriel’s relationship?

Asgore: Wait! Uh… Toriel, th-there’s something that’s been eating me up for a really long time. We used to make such a great team, didn’t we? Until I screwed it all up.

Toriel: …

Asgore: If I hadn’t selfishly declared war on Humanity that day, we could’ve found a better way to break the barrier and the humans that came before Frisk didn’t have to die by my hands. I’m so sorry, Tori, for everything.

Toriel: …I’ll be honest. I did blame you in the heat of it, but Frisk has opened up my eyes and I’ve known better for a long time, now…

Because even though declaring war was still a stupid thing to do, it gave our people hope and if you hadn’t given them hope… well, then our kingdom would be much smaller today…

What happened to the other humans was as much my fault, as it was yours, because I did nothing to help them when they left the Ruins. I couldn’t help them or my kingdom. At least you stayed loyal to your people and kept them from falling apart… If anyone is the selfish one, it is me…

But I don’t want to be that selfish person anymore…

I want to be better and help you get better as well…

Asgore: Tori… Thank You…

As A Bonus: What if the UT Monsters felt genuine guilt over how they treated Frisk?

Undyne: Dude! You should get outta here before you get hurt!

Papyrus: NO! Every time terrible stuff happens, I run the other way! That is my dear friend! And Frisk is right to be angry because I didn’t protect them!

Alphys *tearing up*: You didn’t protect them from us!

Mettaton*crying*: They’re like this because of us!

Undyne *crying*: We're the source of Frisk’s suffering!

Toriel *crying*: This is my fault! *sobs loudly*

Asgore *crying*: Tori! Don’t be silly! Everyone knows that all of this is because of me!

Toriel: NO, it’s because of ME! I said that I would protect Frisk, but I did nothing to help them once they left the Ruins! I basically left them to die alone, just like I did with all the other humans!

Asgore *crying*: But that was because you didn’t want anything to do with me or the war, and all my war did was hurt Frisk! Like it hurt every human that ever came down here! *sobbing* This is all my fault!

Flowey: YES, IT IS!

(Flowey suddenly pops out from the ground.)

Flowey: Yes, we hurt Frisk, but this isn’t the time to make this all about us! That’s not helping! Maybe Frisk would care how sad you are because they always puts everyone else’s feelings first! But they can’t do that for you right now, because they needs us this time!

We all had Frisk when we needed them, but the only person who’s never had Frisk is Frisk! That kid's always been there for us, so, *sighs*…

How can we be there for Frisk now? 🌻

[kharmii]

Somehow reading you have a daughter surprised me but also didn't surprise me.

I always expected you were much older given the old internet values still being present and practised by you, and there were also nuggets of wisdom every now and then only an adult with plenty of life experience has. The way you act also is a reminder of better times when the internet was still new and fandoms were a place for nerds and geeks to hang out without much of the toxicity we have nowadays. Understandable to be so against these new rules enforced by these immature brats.

Surprising is only that I'm only knowing a handful of people still passionate about (old) fandom culture and sharing interests online.

Also having a child makes so much more sense to be so against this toxic culture nowadays. Encouraging the most horrible things imaginable for a parent makes you extra protective and harsh against everything. I admire that!

I may be unable to have children but I imagine I'd be much like you are!

I've really grown a new appreciation for you and I wish you the very best for you and your family! Hope all goes well for you!

(hope this doesn't sound too awkward but I really wanted you to know that I appreciate your fighting spirit!)

Thanks for this nice message! I've never admitted this, but my daughter is the reason I found other characters to be weird about besides just Tomax and Xamot on the side blog.

I'm not THAT old I was watching G.I. Joe when it premiered in the 80s, but they played reruns well into the nineties. Those twins were the first thing I ever saw that hit me hard as a child and started a lifelong fixation. That's why I revisited them later in life.

-But yeah, daughter is the reason I got back into Pokemon. We played Sword and Shield and Legends: Arceus together. She's the reason I got into My Hero Academia because it would never have occurred to me to watch that. Her favorite pookie is Earphone Jack. I made sure to keep a device open for that character during the popularity poll.

I'm a veteran online. I was around during webrings and trolling on /b/. I'm old and set in my ways if that's why my trolling style is in LJ post format. People didn't used to be weird about certain fetishes, and the trans bullshit was nonexistent. I remember the old days when fujoshis were writing non con about Sepiroth getting raped in the ass with a gun barrel. If Kid Kharmii tried calling them weirdos, they'd be like 'hey, piss off!' because people didn't give kids platforms back then, not like in the age of frothing at the mouth antis.

Now fandom is full of fake men who don't like the fujoshi take because it's supposedly insulting to gay males, so they try to make their ships closer to resembling actual gay male relationships. Now you see nothing but bros doing bro shit, like how all the characters are gigantically fat werewolves who vomit and fart on each other. That's a hundred times less insulting than seeing bishies with elf ears who look like girls doing the top and bottom dynamic. I don't quite understand the appeal of this new fandom culture but call me old and set in my ways and unwilling to keep an open mind. ;-D

-But yeah, since I'm an old online, I'm going to act like an adult since minors might be around. I get accused of being a degenerate who will harm a kid's psyche shipping twins, but it's much more harmful pushing this transgender self-harm with an almost 50% rate of suicide that's all the rage. I cringe whenever an artist I follow talks about starting testosterone, the first step toward ruination.

They pull that line of 'people are less likely to kill themselves if supported by their families'. Okay, if that's true, and the suicide rate has nothing to do with walking around with badly healed wounds and hormonal imbalances, then what is the percentage of people who transition without their weirdo mothers hovering around them for emotional support? You'd think if the family didn't condone it, then the 'trans person' wouldn't go through with it in the first place. Rate of transition might spike in areas based on political orientation.

[k347]

Apparently Seb has no tattoos, at least not to the naked eye. What tattoo do you think Seb would choose to represent Chris? I don't see him putting his bf's name on his body do you?

I love you 💞@loricameback for asking this question. It's so thoughtful and interesting. I have actually thought so much about this, I could go on for hours. But still here are a few of my ideas- (this turned into a long headcanon and I am not even sorry about it 😅)

Sebastian is a fairly modest man. He admires beauty in the simplicity. A minimalist. I agree he wouldn't be the one to staright up get Chris' name tattooed. It would be something more subtle, deep, meaningful. Something that nobody else could decipher easily except for Chris and himself.

He would probably get a small shooting star tattoo on his wrist/ankle/behind his ear. It would symbolify their shared love and enthusiasm for astronomy. Also he'd tease and mention playfully how Chris is an angel fallen on the earth, a star from the skies that was sent to light his way in life. Chris facepalms and thinks Seb is pulling his leg for being a hopeless romantic. But the truth is Sebastian means it. He really does.

The other one would definitely be some eastern philosophical symbol that means peace. It is from one of Chris' favourite books by Eckhart Tolle. It explains the power of presence. Being in the moment, immersing yourself fully into the present.

Whenever his anxieties get too high, Sebastian looks at the tattoo and remembers the feel of his boyfriend's warm breath, ticklish feel of a full beard on the nape of Seb's neck and a hushed calm, soothing voice in his ear.

"This little symbol asks us to take a deep breath in. Let the reality of the moment sink in. Be grateful for existence.", Chris had told him. So he got it tattooed on the side of his forefinger. He looks at it too often when he is on press tours alone. It grounds him. Makes him feel at peace. A safety band aid that he wrapped in his palm forever.

It's like Chris is holding his finger and guiding him through as someone would to a lost child. Sebastian loves having this constant support and guidance. It also reminds him of Chris' being his lighthouse. The guiding light to follow whenever he feels he is lost and life is planning conspiracies against him.

There might also be another small, delicate but detailed tattoo on the back of his shoulder or at the bottom of his spine. Something honouring Chris' star sign. Maybe the Gemini constellation. Or maybe a beautiful tattoo of a single Lavender branch, since lavenders are known as a Gemini's birth flowers.

Sebastian had thought a lot about getting this one. Back in Romania, they used to have lavender festivals in the month of June when the flower fields are flourished and bloomed to the brim.

In his childhood Sebastian had learnt the meaning behind the gorgeous flowers from his grandmother. He might not have thought about the significance of it then but now as an adult he could piece all of it together.

Lavenders have multiple florets on one stem. They grow in different directions and spread their vibrant beauty all around. Similarly, Chris' true gemini heart and soul is blessed with the ability to always find his muse, astonishing creativity and productivity. But it can also get “all over the place�� just like the flower.

The memories and comparisons of beautiful, expansive lavender fields Sebastian ran through as a kid fit perfectly with the expanse of Chris' big, strong emotions which he feels so deeply in his beautiful, generous heart.

That lavender tattoo had been his early birthday gift to Chris. A surprise in the middle of one of their lazy-afternoon impromptu makeout sessions. Chris had gotten all choked up with emotion when he realised what it was.

Tears in eyes, unable to swallow the lump in his throat, Chris had just pulled Seb in for another deep, toecurling kiss while his long, deft fingers gently roamed over the still sore skin on the small of Sebastian's back.

There had been obscene amount of kisses placed on that tattoo, with Chris filthily licking and singing praises to the dimples at the bottom of his spine. A lot of whimpering, almost pathetic moans escaping Sebastian's own mouth while his body floated with immense pleasure and rippling shockwaves.

After that they had somehow grown into using a lot of aromatic lavender essence oils, bath bombs and candles. This one little tattoo had opened so many doors of new experiences for both of them.

There's a saying, 'the beauty of Lavender is that it spreads itself far and wide for onlookers to enjoy.' They've used that line as an innuendo in the bedroom way more times than any one of them would care to admit.

So next time, if and when someone tries to tell him floral tattoos are not 'tough or manly enough', Sebastian might actually go and punch the toxic masculinity out of that person's face.

Chris laughs wholeheartedly whenever he hears this. He knows full well that despite of the obvious calm and sweet nature, his Seb has got zero patience for dumb comments and stupid shit like that.

Seb would never get in dumb frat bro physical fights despite of what he cutely rambles, but he would surely throw some sass and smart-subtle insults with deadass intimidating glares along that person's way. Rightfully deserved. Chris is only proud. And maybe even a bit turned on by the idea of that.

These small, permanent tattoos are a very well-hidden secret. Not for the world to know. Or the purpose of putting on a show.

They are promises exchanged between just the two of them. Silent declarations of love.

The fake/temporary ones Sebastian got for filming though, they're a constant topic of long running jokes.

Like that medal ribbon tattoo he had to get for the bronze. It had to stay with them for two long weeks and Christopher being the smug bastard that he is, had made probably a thousand inappropriate jokes about it.

Not just about the medal. Literally anything and everything he'd see hanging in anywhere. It had been an interesting week to say the least.

When Chris had himself admitted he couldn't shut up about it no matter how hard he tried, Sebastian had managed to do just that (by offering him the prize). So it had all actually worked out real swell in the end. For both of them.

The destroyer tattoo, when he got his mom's photo on his bicep, Chris had gone on and on about how much he admires Seb's love and devotion to his mother.

To the point, where seb had to remind him that the purpose of the tattoo was to make him appear as an intimidating, dark-ish guy not a nice, sweet mama's boy.

Chris chose to plainly ignore that comment and continued to gush over him. His own mom had texted him back only regarding how good she looked in the picture instead of freaking out over the flashy tattoo as expected. (Till this date, he suspects Chris had something to do with it). And Sebastian still couldn't be more thankful for having these amazing weirdos in his life.

It's really fortunate to be able to love and be loved back. The tattoos, they're here to stay. Just like their relationship. Forever.

After some heavy action and a few good rounds of going at it non-stop, his exhausted boyfriend loves to give him a light spank and say it'd be great if they ever got 'Property of Chris Evans' tramp stamped on his cute butt. Sebastian plays along and replies mischievously that someday he'd do just that and the look on Chris' face would be priceless and a sight he'd love to watch.

"Too bad you wouldn't get to see it then. I'd have your head buried in the pillows while you make all those pretty little noises for me, sweetheart", Chris muses darkly and Sebastian can't help the deep shade of red that spreads all over his skin.

Tattoos. Something Sebastian was originally never passionate about. Not that he hated them. He had just never thought about it before meeting and falling for Chris.

Now they mean so much to him. Hold a great importance. Make him feel special. Loved. Treasured. They're a source of inspiration too.

"Wear your heart on your skin in this life", Seb types out before closing the doc file that contains his yet unpublished story.

***

***

Note- I don't know jack-sh*t about astrology and star signs. Just googled a few terms for writing this. If you are an expert and any of these are wrong, kindly ignore and forgive the mistakes.

[craftypeaceturtle]

B is for Baby Time!

Summary: They finally get to meet the newest arrival for their family.

Note: Part of a series but can be read alone! The ABCs of their little family! Demus and Royality. 

The beginning- A is for Arrival

Next part: C is for Choas!

.

They got the call at exactly midnight. The second it turned to December they had prepared everything ready in case the baby would be early; they would not run around like headless chickens when the moment came. They had a baby carrier filled with blankets and a change of baby clothes that stood guard over their front door. But the 10th of December passed without any update. Remus was particularly insufferable but then again Janus had his own special brand of impatience. But all of that fell to pieces when they finally got the call at midnight that their surrogate had gone into labour. The baby was coming.

Janus blanched as he violently slapped Remus’ arm to get him up. He got up and started storming down the stairs all while silently gaping at the phone. Remus slunked after him before it suddenly dawned on him why Janus would be panicking at a phone call. 

The plan had been to sit at home and wait until the baby was born then drive carefully and calmly to the hospital. That lasted a good... 20 minutes? “Do you want to go and wait in the hospital?” Janus finally sighed. Remus’ fidgeting stopped for the first time since the call.

“Why? Do you wanna sit in a waiting room for hours on end?” Remus kept staring ahead. 

“Well I don’t know about you, but I can totally just sit here for several more hours.”

“We...” Remus sighed and wiped at his eyes, “We should be making the most of this really. Our last night of uninterrupted sleep.”

“Okay then, go to sleep then,” Janus laughed. Remus chuckled.

“Okay, let’s get going shall we?” Remus got up and held out his curled arm like the gentleman he was. 

“We shall... after you put actual clothes on. I’m sure the nurses don’t want to see your manky boxers,” Janus chuckled and pulled and flicked him with the waistband.  

They launched themselves at the car and only just remembered to actually grab the baby carrier. Sitting in the hospital room both felt like a relief and horrifically underwhelming. There were here now! They were here ready for any and all news. No need to keep anyone hanging. They felt productive just sitting there. But also... Both of them were just sitting there. In their rushed on jogging bottoms and baggy jumpers, with Remus’ wild bed head and Janus’ own frizzy hair lying limply against his back. They were both shivering as the December weather leaked into the waiting room. “Just time to wait...” Remus smiled weakly. 

An hour passed awkwardly. The second hour passed both quickly and also as painstakingly slowly. 

Remus’ phone vibrated from his pocket:

Evil Twin Bro- Hey, you know lots of weird stuff about getting different stains out right?

- yep

-also it really isn’t that weird. 

-it’s called being an adult.

Evil Twin Bro- Do you know how to get blood out of t-shirt material?

-is it dried or nah

-soak in cold water

-wash like loads of times

Evil Twin Bro- I’ll kill you if this doesn’t work. Also, why are you awake at 2 in the morning you maniac!

-could ask you 2

Evil Twin Bro- I asked you first. 

-baby’s coming.

Evil Twin Bro- Wait really??????!!!!!!!!!

Evil Twin Bro- Congratulations!!!! 

-haven’t got the baby yet. waiting 4 surro. 

Evil Twin Bro- Are you at the hospital?

-yea

Evil Twin Bro- How long have you been waiting?

-like 2h

Evil Twin Bro- Woah, that’s rough. How you holding up?

-dunno

Evil Twin Bro- You don’t know?

-feel like I’m gonna vomit. but also excited. 

-well I don’t know if it’s good vomit or bad vomit y’know?

Evil Twin Bro- I really don’t. What are you lot doing then?

-J fell asleep. I’m trying to save battery on phone. 

-So just sitting here.

Evil Twin Bro- Do you want me to drop stuff off for you? Pat was planning this whole thing for when you lot got the baby. He was going to cook you lot some fancy dinner and take it to you three. So I don’t mind helping you out! I could give you some muffins (trust me you’ll start to get hungry) and I have an iPad with a few films downloaded so you won’t need wifi. 

-jesus why cant you be like everyone else and send a sentence at a time

-we’re all goiufhgb   

-Hello Roman. This is Janus. Yes, we would greatly appreciate you bringing some stuff. 

Evil Twin Bro- Haha, no problem!

“I can’t believe you’re dragging him here,” Remus sighed as Janus wordlessly passed his phone back. 

“Why not?” Janus answered honestly. His whole being looked dragged down by sleepiness. Remus shrugged and looked ahead. Janus usually put so much effort into his appearance. Even the most basic ‘going to the shop’ outfit was a dramatic black and yellow gothic Disney villain who actually did crimes look. But he was simply shrugged over in the chair. He looked sleepily up to him through his hair. 

“Why was he even asking all that at 2am anyway!” 

“You don’t want him to come?” Janus asked, Remus heaved a sigh and plopped his head on top of Janus’. 

“I dunno... I think I’m just tired and panicky. It’s all good,” Remus muttered off to a whisper. He pressed a kiss to his hair and closed his eyes. 

He didn’t actually sleep. He just wanted to stop all conversation. People continued bustling in and out and Janus managed to fall asleep again with his chin propped up against his chest. He was even letting out a steady stream of snorty snores. Remus kept his eyes closed hoping no one would try to start a conversation with him. Janus was the talker to other people of their relationship. He only opened his eyes when he felt a firm prod to his shoulder. 

“Hey Reem,” Roman whispered before flicking his forehead. 

“What do you want dickbag?” Remus answered without thinking. Janus thankfully stayed sleeping. Roman only gave a pity smile and held out his bag. He pulled out some muffins and bottles of flavoured water alongside the promised ipad covered in glittery space stickers. Remus was too busy dumping the bag on the floor to notice Roman trying to get him to stand up. 

“C’mon.” He gestured to over where the reception was. Remus nodded heavily and gently prised himself from Janus. 

Now that they were further away, Remus saw that another hour and a half had passed. “Woah, you took ages?” 

“Yeah, I thought about waking up Pat and then you have no idea what a nightmare it was trying to find a 24 hour shop. Like it was so much harder than I thought!” Roman now spoke loudly with his on brand gestures.

“Right...” Remus fluffed up his hair and slumped into another chair. Hmm, just as uncomfortable as the other. 

“You okay?” Roman lowered himself to his eye line, looking like he was talking to a spooked dog, “Like really?”

“Dunno. I-I just don’t know. I feel a bit all over the place to be honest,” Remus flung his head back, “What did you lot feel?”

“Pretty much the same,” Roman giggled, “Patton was a mess. I think it’s always one person does fine while the other has an existential crisis. That was definitely Pat. But he calmed down the second he got to see Logan.”

Remus nodded, not entirely sure if he was actually listening or just getting lost in the sensation of his heavy head tipping up and down. “Fair,”

“What’s going through your head right now?”

“Dunno... D-Do you...” Remus started before whipping his head to face the wall behind him, “do you think I’ll be like... I dunno a good dad?”

“Of course,” Roman slapped an hand on his shoulder. He was looking forward at the waiting room with an awkward wonky smirk. 

“Okay listen. Let’s be honest. Being emotional and gross with you just feels weird. I’ve been fine with having a baby before this. This is purely me panicking right now. As you said, I’ll be fine. So we can we not do emotional conversation?” Remus laughed awkwardly but he lightened up once Roman relaxed as well.

“Oh thank god you said it!” Roman laughed and melted back into his chair.

“Why were you coated in blood in the middle of the night anyway?”

“I wasn’t coated in blood,” Roman gasped way too loudly which Remus cackled at. Roman blushed bright red and nodded at the concerned receptionist, “I got the most random nose bleed out of nowhere and I knew you were the entire person in existence who wouldn’t question me.”

“You make me sound like a total weirdo! I would question you!”

“But you didn’t!” 

They settled into silence for a bit before inevitably Remus felt the need to speak, “How the hell did mum ever cope with twins? Like that seems like a lot...”

“Right?! Right after we had Logan, I think my mother’s day presents probably tripled in cost. She deserves it. Like all the same build up and worry but then you have another baby to come!” Roman shook his head.

“Aren’t babies are fairly gross as well?” Remus grimaced.

“Oh yeah! Don’t be put off from it! Oh, I feel so awful but the first time I saw Logan my first thought was ‘ew’. They don’t look anything like babies at first. Like Logan was blue with a traffic cone shaped head.”

“Their head is all fragile and mouldable. Janus made sure to show me pictures of newborns,” Remus stared off into nothing before turning to him with his signature smirk, only a little more tired, “But I am so telling Logan you thought he was an ugly baby.”

“Ahem,” Janus stood before them with an expectant look. Remus smiled and held out his arm which Janus jokingly shoved aside to sit down on the chair, “Hello Roman, I’m guessing you’re responsible for the pile of stuff that was at my feet.”

“Yep! How are you doing?” Roman smiled awkwardly.

“Tired but that’s to be expected. Are you staying long?” 

“No, actually that’s a good point! I really shouldn’t stay out longer. Pat will actually murder me for butting myself in,” Roman stood up with an exaggerated old man groan, “But... please text when you finally say hello to the little guy! I expect pictures!” 

Once Roman left, they wandered back over to their stuff and settled into a long night. Janus tried to stay awake. He knew that Remus was having a freak out. You would think it would be easy with the bright harsh lighting in the waiting room and the constant buzzing of conversation. Yet, his head bobbed lower and lower before Remus finally guided his head to his shoulder. He really tried but the tiredness and mix of emotions left him helpless. Remus only smiled at his useless husband before settling himself into Roman’s ipad. He settled into the Incredibles without much else to do. 

It was 5am when Remus saw the husband of the surrogate walk over to them. He didn’t think about it has he flung himself upwards, flinging Janus wide awake. The guy looked exhausted. “Hey, Remus and Janus?” He asked, thoroughly mispronouncing Janus, with his hand held out. Remus nodded awkwardly before thrusting a still waking up Janus at him.

“Yes, hello.” Janus shook his hand firmly. 

“Hey so the baby’s arrived,” He spoke softly as he walked back into the winding corridors he emerged from. They quickly followed after him, “He’s 6lb and about 20 inches. A little small thing but all healthy and average.”

“Aw, that’s all good to hear. Congratulations,” Janus sleepily smiled.

“Thanks but I think I’m supposed to be saying that to you two!” The guy chuckled awkwardly before he opened a door for them. 

Inside was the mother looking absolutely exhausted, curled up into her pillow with her frizzy hair thrown about the place. Janus subconsciously flicked his hand through his own hair, only now realising that he never brushed it before coming out. Ah well, not like anyone was looking their best for the demon of the baby that woke them all up. And of course there was the star of the show.

The baby was fussing a clear plastic crib looking thing, his reddened arms flinging around with his tiny little feet occasionally kicking. His face was screwed up but at least he wasn’t crying. He was simply laying there. The little boy that would change everything. 

Janus managed to pull away from the sight and say something to the mother. Remus deserved the first moments with their son. 

Remus looked at the mother but she was busy talking so he quietly shrugged before holding his hands out. It felt bad. They baby was clearly still fussy but quiet. What if picking him up set him off? But his hands were also hanging over him now. Sighing, he gently lowered his hands so they just about touched the tiny baby. He was warm to the touch and Remus grimaced at his thoughts that erupted from that. Maybe it was just because he was in a warm room. It felt like he was five years old all over again. It was like when a relative you barely know has a baby and just dumps the baby in your arms because it’s cute but you have no idea how to hold this fragile floppy new human. 

The baby sniffled at feeling his hands slowly worm underneath him but Remus then swiftly took hold of him and brought him to his chest, quietly shushing him without thinking. Thankfully, he settled down instantly. He was somehow both tiny and way heavier than he thought. “Heya little fella,” He cooed as he tried to uncurl his fist. The baby’s tiny little fingers uncurled and pressed back against his own finger. 

“He’s gorgeous,” Janus sighed as he came up behind Remus.

“Aw, he is. What are you guys naming him again?” The mother quietly asked.

“Virgil,” Remus answered but he kept his eyes glued to his baby. Janus smoothed his hand over the baby’s head. 

“Oh that’s a unique name!” The mother chirped.

“Has two people with unusual unique names, it only felt appropriate,” Janus muttered but his focus was completely enraptured by the baby, “Reem, do you mind doing the last of the paper work, then we can leave you all to recovery.”

“Cheers,” The father smiled awkwardly. Remus held out the baby and graciously lowered him into his arms. He perked up when he felt Remus press a kiss to his cheek, god he was clearly felt so sappy today. Not that he could really blame him.

They brought the baby carrier into the room ready to take him home and of course his eyes caught on their supplies. They brought a infant onesie- the cutest and non-halloween themed one they bought- but yet Janus frowned at the thought of trying to wrestle this baby into clothing. He looked much more comfortable pressed to his chest that he did lying down but he still looked like he could be seconds away from crying again. Of course, he couldn’t even begin to understand how stressful birth must be. The poor thing. He awkwardly bent backwards and grabbed the same blanket they bought about a month ago. Despite how much he tried, he couldn’t get out the black marker stain. It was just the first blanket they grabbed when preparing. Obviously. Of course. The first thing they grabbed. He grappled with the baby to gently cocoon him in the purple blanket. The spider web spiral sat in the middle of his back making him look like their little spider sitting in the middle of his purple spider web. 

He didn’t track when Remus came back in. He didn’t even think to keep up conversation with the biological parents. All he knew was that he was slowly stepping back and forth while pressing his face into Virgil’s own squishy cheek. 

Their little baby Virgil. 

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

Won’t You Stay (Part 7)

Summary: The reader and Jensen work through the tension in the air between them while Ethan has a bad night...

Masterlist

Pairing: Jensen x Director!reader

Word Count: 3,800ish

Warnings: language, depression, self-doubt, mentions of sex

A/N: Please enjoy!

______

Three Days Later

“Y/N!” called your dad as you headed for the lunch line. “Come on! I’m taking you kids to lunch today!”

“Dad, I got to be back in thirty minutes,” you said.

“Come on. Just going to the diner down the street. In and out like that,” he said. You sighed but walked over to him, Jensen looking away as your dad dragged him along. Neither one of you had spoken outside of directing since his apartment and you were pretty sure your dad had started to notice.

Five minutes later you were ordering, your dad staring at you beside him, Jensen sat on the other side.

“So...something you two want to tell me about,” he said. You looked out the window, Jensen doing the same. “You two dating?”

“No,” you both said, a flash of hurt across his face as he said it.

“...Okay. How about I go eat at the counter and you two can sort this out like adults on your own then,” he said as he got up. You scowled at his back, Jensen playing with the straw in his drink.

“Why’d you stop talking to me?” you asked.

“Maybe cause I felt like I should stop being an idiot,” he said.

“For what? Liking a book I wrote?”

“For being a weirdo obsessive fan or whatever the fuck you think I am,” he said, shaking his head. 

“You’re not weird. Or obsessive,” you said. He turned his head, blinking slowly at you. “Deal with it. Everyone has interests and things they’re passionate about. You’re not murdering kittens. Who gives a fuck? I don’t. My last boyfriend thought…”

“He thought what?” asked Jensen.

“He wasn’t very supportive of my career choice in writing,” you said, looking out the window.

“This is coming from an actor so no offense but that was a shitty lie,” he said.

“The point I am making is I think it’s cool that you like my story. It’s all I’m trying to say. Just tell my dad I got a call and I need to run back,” you said, moving to slide out of the seat.

“Hey,” he said, reaching across the table and grabbing your wrist. “I just...stay. Please.”

You moved back and he let go, biting his bottom lip.

“Not until recently have I started to be like the old me again,” he said. “Have...interests outside of the Hollywood crap. Everything had to be cool or passive or distant. I’m sorry for overreacting when you never once made fun or anything.”

“Take it from someone who grew up with Ethan Y/L/N for a father, Jensen. The cool Hollywood shit is just shit. Be yourself and be around people that accept that. You’ll be happier,” you said. He nodded, quiet as your food came out.

He sipped on his beef stew, not saying much of anything while you both ate quickly. You glanced out the window, Jensen nervously playing with his straw wrapper.

“So...we still going out tomorrow?” he asked.

“Depends. Are we actually dating or what?”

“I would like that. I will be less of an idiot from now on,” he said.

“Oh, well we can’t guarantee that,” you teased. “But yeah, we’re back on.”

“Good,” he said. “I kept our reservation. I was hoping whatever this was we’d work it out before then.”

“Next time let’s just talk. Also a reservation? Sounds fancy,” you said, taking a bite of your burger.

“Shut up,” he said with a smirk. “It’s not that nice.”

“I bet it’s nicer than you say,” you said. “I will get us out of work on time for sure so that we don’t miss it.”

“Oh, how sweet of you,” he said. “Well you better wear a dress.”

“Told you it was fancy,” you said, your dad walking over and sipping on a cup of coffee.

“Ah, look. Smiles. You two work out whatever was going on?” he asked.

“Yeah,” you said. He ruffled your head and you rolled your eyes.

“Glad to hear it,” he said, turning to Jensen. “Dani and I knew you liked her. You couldn’t stop staring at her during dinner if you tried. It’s part of why I invited you over. Both you kids seem like you’re having a rough time lately. But you both seem to be a bit happier around each other too.”

“Dad, I’m a big girl,” you said. “I don’t need to be set up.”

“I didn’t set you up, just intervened with two thick headed people when they need it,” he said, smirking as he set down some money. “Let’s get back before we’re all late.”

“Dad,” you said, walking up to him that night outside, smiling up at him. “How’s it hanging?”

“Like I haven’t heard that one before,” he said from where he was strung upside down in the woods. 

“I had to. Have a headache yet?”

“A bit but I’m okay,” he said.

“While I have you as a captive audience, can we talk about lunch? Or the fact you tried to set me up with Jensen or the fact you think I’m having a rough go of it?” you asked, crossing your arms.

“Listen. I wasn’t setting anything up. I could tell you like him and that he liked you. He’s more obvious than he thinks. I had a little man to man talk with him was all. Kiddo, you have to admit that you have not been yourself the past year, past few,” he said.

“I do not need to be in a relationship to be happy. You taught me that.”

“I didn’t say you had to be. Sweetie, I just want you to be happy and Jensen seems to put a smile on your face more often than not,” he said. 

“I am happy,” you said. He stared at you and you shrugged.

“Why did you and Logan break up?” he asked.

“Dad, don’t-“

“Your brother and sister said you snapped at them over it. It’s not like you to do something like that. Now what-“

“Dad. It’s my business, not yours. I would prefer it if you stay out of mine and Jensen’s now,” you said. 

“You used to talk to me you know,” he said. “Boys. Friends. Work.”

“Your point?”

“Excuse me for wanting to know what’s going on in my daughter’s life,” he said.

“Dad. You worry too much,” you said. He sighed and stared at you, putting on puppy dog eyes. “Dad. I like Jensen. Please let us figure this out on our own and stop prying into stupid stuff in the past.”

“Alright,” he said softly. “I can respect that. I do have a favor to ask.”

“What?”

“Bathroom break?” he asked. You laughed and nodded.

“Yeah, that’s totally cool. Don’t take too long though.”

“And three and two and one,” you said an hour later, the scene playing out for the fifth time. You watched the fight scene take place, tilting your head when your dad fell a bit differently than on other takes. You let it go for a few more seconds, camera drifting over to Jensen’s fight. “Alright. Reset. Tighter on Jensen’s coverage next time, one steady sweeping motion.”

“Y/N. Get over here,” said one of your camera men. You hopped out of your seat, something in the tone of his voice was wrong. You jogged out of the tent and over to the set, a few people gathered around your dad on the ground.

“Dad,” you said, pushing on his shoulder, his eyes still shut. “Dad wake up. It’s not funny. Wake up.”

“He probably has a concussion,” said one of the stunt guys, a medic coming over. “Anyone see him take a hit or trip?”

“Hey, he’s okay,” said Jensen, grabbing your hand. “I’ve had them before. It’s not that bad.”

You watched for a minute before he woke up, groaning and shutting his eyes again.

“Oh God. Go away, all of you,” he said. You nodded and everyone aside from the medic left. You held onto Jensen’s hand before you knelt down when your dad sat up and leaned against a tree.

“He doesn’t look like he got hit,” you said.

“I’m fine,” said your dad.

“Ethan. You were out cold for a solid minute,” said Jensen.

“I’m fine,” he said, trying to stand up when all three of you pushed him back down.

“You could have passed out,” said the medic. “Let’s do a quick blood sugar test since I’m not seeing typical concussion signs.”

“I said I’m fine,” said your dad. He stood up quickly and shrugged the medic off. He started to walk away when you stomped your foot. “Y/N.”

“I’m in charge. Sit your ass down and let the medic look at you,” you said. The set was quieter than normal as people listened in. 

“Ethan, dude,” said Jensen. He shook his head and started to leave. “Ethan.”

“He wants to be a child, fine. Don’t come crying to me when I call your emergency contact number personally. Oh wait, that’s mom,” you said, your dad freezing.

“Keep out of my business,” he said after a moment. He headed off into the woods and you threw your head back.

“I’m sure he’s fine,” said Jensen, rubbing a hand up and down your back. 

“Can you do me a favor?” you asked.

“I’ll go keep an eye on him,” said Jensen.

“Thanks, Jens,” you said, heading back to the monitor tent.

“Everything okay?” asked Mark.

“Lovely,” you mumbled. 

Five minutes later your dad and Jensen came back to finish the scene. The set was tense when you called cut.

“Let’s prep for forty seven,” you said, sliding out of your seat. “Twenty minutes I want to be rolling again and I want this last scene of the night to go smoothly. Lead actors, I want to meet in Jensen’s trailer in two minutes. I am not asking.”

By the time you got over there after fixing a lighting issue, neither one of them were there but there was arguing coming from your dad’s trailer next door. You stepped up and inside the thing, Jensen throwing up his hands.

“He refused to come,” said Jensen.

“I ain’t gonna tell you how to run your set but-” said your dad before you went to the couch and plopped down.

“Jensen. Did you notice anything else strange about my father’s behavior tonight,” you asked as you rubbed your temples.

“He’s missing his marks, missing beats. It’s not like him to do that,” said Jensen.

“I’m having an off night,” said your dad.

“Ethan, you were passed out, dude,” said Jensen. “You’re acting funny. Did you take something?”

“No and don’t start rumors like that kid,” said your dad. He nearly went back outside but Jensen blocked the door.

“Dad,” you said quietly. “Is it the grownup thing?”

He sighed and threw his head back, taking a seat next to you, putting his head in his hands.

“Dad,” you said, giving him a hug. “Do I need to call the doctor?”

“No. I need to start going regularly again,” he said, giving you a sad smile. “Sorry. I’m...I’m having a bad week and didn’t do what I’m supposed to.”

“Jensen, can you get a yogurt and some juice from the fridge for me?” you asked. He grabbed the items and a spoon and carried them over to you. “Thanks, Jay.”

Your dad took them from you, chugging the juice while you stirred up the yogurt, quiet as he wolfed that down.

“What’d you eat today besides that and coffee?” you asked. 

“Nothing,” he said.

“I thought you ate at the diner at lunch.”

“Just had coffee.”

“Why didn’t you eat?” you asked. 

“Because I should have gotten in better shape before I started this thing and I got self-conscious and I fucked up,” he said.

“Ethan. I would kill to look like you do when I’m forty five,” said Jensen.

“I know I’m in shape, kid. It’s...my head ain’t very nice sometimes is all,” he said. “Go take your break.”

“I’m good here if that’s okay,” said Jensen. You smiled and he went over to the kitchenette again, finding some food to make a quick wrap for your dad to eat.

“Want to tell me why you’re having a bad week?” you asked.

“None of my children want to talk to me when I see all three of them struggling and I twisted it,” he said. “I know you’re grown. You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to. The other guys are teenagers. They don’t want to be around me anymore. At least mom sees them after school. I’m just an absentee father again.”

“You picked me, over everything, when you were eighteen. You have never been an absentee father. You go to games and plays and birthdays. Dad, you have all the excuses in the world to not be there all the time but you are. Ease up on yourself. The other guys are growing up. It was gonna happen,” you said.

“Anthony and Ella have some issues going on,” he said. “I know it. I know my kids.”

“Anthony is fine and Ella’s just got boy trouble,” you said. “We are all okay.”

“Ethan,” said Jensen. “Listen to Y/N. Take care of yourself first. These other guys are all doing okay.”

“How about we finish up filming and then I’ll call mom to bring you home,” you said. “Sound good?”

“Yeah, sounds good, kiddo.”

“Jensen,” you said, catching him head out the front door of your parents house a few hours later. “Hey. I called my Uncle Brody. He’s gonna drive you home since it’s nearly four in the morning.”

“Thanks,” he said following you back into the foyer, taking a seat on the front bench. “Your dad seemed like he was doing better.”

“He is. Thanks for driving him home and staying over. We appreciate it,” you said. 

“He’s not my first friend to go through something like that,” he said. “You have enough going on to be dealing with this.”

“He’s always been this way,” you said, Jensen cocking his head at you. “He was pretty torn up about what happened with my birth mom, not being told about me, almost losing me as a baby...he’s been mildly depressed since he was about eighteen. It acts up sometimes.”

“I can barely take care of myself and I’m twenty eight,” he said. “I can’t imagine having a ten year old daughter right now.”

“It sucks sometimes, when you know something is wrong but you can’t help,” you said. He nodded and took your hand from your lap, holding it in his own. It was warm and big, a little rough but soft too. He brushed his thumb over the back of your hand and you rested your head on his shoulder.

“It looked like you were helping tonight,” he said.

“We had a slight argument earlier on,” you said. “I doubt that helped him.”

“It’s not really on you to tiptoe around your dad, Y/N. If there’s anyone you can tell off and they still love you, it’s your parents,” he said. 

“I have been distant with my family lately,” you said. “He wasn’t wrong about that.”

“So? You need time for you. Take it,” he said.

“He’s not wrong about my brother and sister either,” you said.

“Are they in trouble?” he asked.

“My brother, no. My sister...she’s sixteen. I’m worried about who she’s hanging out with,” you said.

“I have a kid sister too. I totally get it,” he said.

“How’d you deal with it?”

“Told her to be safe, if she needs help or stuff, call me and I’ll be there.”

“Ella asked me to take her to get the pill,” you said.

“Did you?”

“I want her to be safe but it’s this guy she likes. I’ve met him. He just wants to get in her pants. It’s so obvious to anyone but her,” you said. “She thinks he really likes her.”

“She home right now?” he asked.

“Yeah. She’s got school in a few hours,” you said.

“Go talk to her,” he said.

“The guy could be decent,” you said. “I could be going worst case scenario on her.”

“I doubt he is,” said Jensen. “Let me guess. He doesn’t like the way condoms feel, right?”

“Yup.”

“Loser isn’t wearing the right kind then. You don’t even feel it if you’re doing it right. Or he’s straight up lying,” he said. “Probably straight up lying if I think about it.”

“I know he’s gonna break her heart. I know she’s gonna say yes,” you said. 

“Maybe not,” he said. He bumped your shoulder and turned your head up to the top of the stairs, a foot diving back around the corner. “Ella. Why don’t you come talk to your sister?”

“I can’t believe you would talk to your boyfriend about that,” she said, huffing as she walked down the stairs and over to you. “That is so-”

“Ella,” said Jensen, getting a bitch face in return from her. “This guy...he a popular guy at school?”

“Yeah. So?”

“He had other girlfriends before?” he asked.

“I mean yeah but a lot of those girls are...you know. Sluts,” she said. Jensen nodded and pursed his lips. He looked at you and you held up your hands.

“Ella. I was a decently popular guy in high school. I was in those locker rooms where teenage boys talk about sex and hookups. Maybe this guy is a good guy but odds are, he’s looking to brag about it. He’s a numbers guy. He’s going to tell everyone the second it happens and then you get called what all those other girls get called,” he said. “I’m not saying what you should do, I’m just telling you from experience just like your sister. We’ve both been through high school. We know how rough it can be.”

She was quiet, looking out the front window for a moment at the dark yard.

“His friends are douchebags but he’s a nice guy,” she said.

“Nice guys don’t refuse to wear condoms, Ella,” said Jensen. “They make you feel good. Don’t jump into something if you’re not sure.”

“You just said you were a popular guy though,” she said. “You seem…”

“He may very well be a good guy. You have to use your judgement though and figure that out for yourself,” he said.

“Y/N, you had sex in high school,” she said.

“Jensen hasn’t been my boyfriend that long, Ella. We aren’t talking about that stuff yet,” you said with a smile, Jensen chuckling. “And it was a mistake. It was a hookup at a party. He wasn’t even good at it. I’d much rather have waited than do something because I thought I was supposed to. It’s not the end of the world if you don’t do it right away or don’t do it until you’re married or if you never want to. If you do decide to though, be safe about it is all.”

“I gotta think about it more,” she said.

“Whatever you decide, I will take you to get protection if you want it, okay?” you said. She nodded and she turned to leave.

“I like him way better than Logan by the way,” she said, nodding towards Jensen.

“I thought you loved Logan. You’ve been trying to get me to go back with him,” you said.

“We always secretly hated him,” she said. You smirked and she shrugged. “I thought he made you happy back then but I can tell the difference now. He wasn’t good for you. Jensen seems better.”

“If you can tell the difference, you probably don’t need to think about this whole guy situation too much more then,” you said. 

“What if he tells people we did it anyways?” she asked.

“Say he’s got a small dick,” said Jensen. You laughed and he shrugged. “Awesome come back if you got to use it.”

“He’s got a point. Don’t stress about it, El. Now go to bed. You have to wake up in two hours,” you said. She nodded and took a few steps away before she paused.

“Did dad do it again?” she asked. “The grownup thing.”

“Yeah. Give him extra hugs at breakfast,” you said. “I’m staying over tonight.”

“He’s an idiot sometimes, I swear,” she said.

“El. Talk to him more. Hang out with him every once in awhile. We all need to be better about that,” you said. “He felt isolated because we put him there.”

“I know. I’ll see you in the morning. Goodnight, Jensen,” she said with a wave, heading upstairs.

“Night, Ella,” he chuckled. “So...one crisis averted it seems.”

“How about you work on my brother sometime,” you laughed.

“Done,” he said. You heard a car pull up in the driveway and yawned. “That my ride?”

“Yeah. I’ll see you at work? Brody can drop you off afterwards to get your car,” you said.

“Sure thing,” he said. “You know, if your family needs you, we can do the fancy date thing tomorrow night, I guess tonight, another time.”

“They’re okay but I appreciate it. It’s about time we had a proper date anyways. I’ll catch you in a few hours, okay?”

“See ya soon,” he said, leaning over and pecking a kiss on your cheek. “Try to get some sleep. Big date tonight.”

_____

A/N: Read Part 8 here!

[himbeaux-on-ice]

Who are your top five NHL teams and why?

Ooooo this is fun! Thanks anon!

Short list:

Habs ❤️🤍💙

Pens 🐧

Canucks 🌈🌊

Caps 🦅

Leafs 🟦🍁🟦 (no really! I know I don’t talk about them much but its true!)

Over-wordy explanations/backstory for my relationship to each of these teams below the cut for those interested!

Montreal Canadiens. My dearly beloved Nana, who half-raised me, is a lifelong diehard Habs fan who grew up listening to their games on the radio and then later as an adult watching them duel with the Leafs on Saturday nights on a black-and-white tv (also a BIG Carey Price stan). Needless to say she rubbed off on me immensely, and I remember saying to myself at some point “well, if that’s Nana’s team, that’s gonna be my team too” and it stuck for life. I also had a friend in middle school who was a RELIGIOUS Habs fan who also worshipped at the altar of Jesus Price in those early 2010’s, so I heard a LOT about all of that every lunch break as he argued with friends who were Pens and Bruins fans lol. We went on the Bell Centre tour during the annual 9th grade French class trip to Quebec, and while I was mostly focused on getting to the gift shop to buy Nana a souvenir, I swear my friend’s eyes were the size of quarters the whole time lmao. (Would LOVE to go back now that I care a lot). Basically the Habs are the closest thing to a local NHL team our region has bc we get their broadcasts (though people choose their own team allegiances for various random personal reasons), and I grew up absorbing through osmosis both the legends of yore and the latest updates on whatever Carey and PK and the lads were up to. (Also I’ve been quietly in love with Price myself since at least the 2014 Olympics lol. My first best fav ❤️) Bottom line the Habs are My Team, the “I’m gonna be here even when it sucks, even when players move on, this is attached to me in a way I can’t quite explain” team that every hockey fan has in their heart. GO HABS GO!

Pittsburgh Penguins. If you were an elementary school kid in Nova Scotia when Sidney Crosby was first released and up through the 2010’s, you had two options: love him, or hate him, but you better accept you’re gonna be hearing about him a LOT. I settled on “vague fondness” and followed Sid from a newspaper-scanning distance and vaguely rooted for him because when he brought the Cup home it felt like we all won. And like I said, lots of passionate Pens fans in my grade school classes to hear from (he’s also the only non-Habs player my Nana likes lol). Then I got into hockey properly last year and learned about Geno beyond just knowing his name, and my chronic affection for large loveable Russians got combined with my longstanding vague “I hope the Penguins win” feelings and my “time to get the full story on the Sidney Crosby’s Penguins narrative I only ever watched from a distance” research, in a manner not unlike the creation of the PowerPuff Girls ([chemical X] etc etc lol) to create a potent adoration for this team that rocketed them to second place in my heart. Also the fandom is just so damn fun and makes such great content, and that definitely feeds my level of engagement with the Pens!! Sometimes, when I want an emotional pick-me-up I watch one of their last 3 championship films just to remember what joy and optimism is — I would love to be present as a real-time fan for another adventure like that. With how much I know about them and how much I care, they’re my #2 for sure. I love those flightless fucks!!

Vancouver Canucks. So I started watching live NHL hockey games last summer around I think game 2 of the Habs’ first round series against the Flyers (I saw Price’s “Miracle Save” on twitter while following along bc I was intrigued by the fact that they made it through the play-ins, and was like “OKAY NOW I GOTTA SEE THIS SHIT LIVE”). That was really fun! Riiiight up until the Habs got eliminated. :/ And I was like “well, shit. I’m enjoying this hockey thing too much to stop now. who else is still around I can root for?” And the Canucks were the last Canadian team still in it, and there was buzz about their miraculous first-round win but also uncertainty I believe Markstrom had *just* got injured. So I started watching, ended up witnessing the Bubble Demko Miracle unfold live, had my heart charmed off me by “whatever the hell those two lil blonde bitches have going on” and a delightful underdog story, and here I am. Hitched to the Canuck wagon whether I enjoy it or not. Here for whatever happens! (Doesn’t hurt that I love me some Elton John too 😉)

Washington Capitals. I’m a person who is more likely to be really engaged with a team that has super interesting personalities, characters, and narratives around it — and my GOD are the Capitals good for that. I absolutely definitely started down this road with that mic’d up video from the 2018 final of Ovi telling Nicke “after me, I give it to you baby!” re: the Cup. Like I can pinpoint that there was a day I saw that for the first time in a gifset, squinted at the screen, said “you’re fucking with me...”, went to youtube, watched it be for reals, and was like “well. now I need to know more about ALL this.” After watching games and learning more about the team, I really enjoy the Caps’ “big dumb found family of stone-cold total weirdos” energy, their fun collective chemistry, their Cup story, etc. And oh BOY the fandom is fun during game lb’s! I love all the in-jokes and player nicknames, our delight with the quirks of our colourful wonderful broadcast crew (shoutout Wine Uncles & Co), the way we cheer for record-breaking milestones like they’re a first NHL goal! Being a fan of the Caps AND the Pens can be a bit awkward sometimes, and the team certainly has its blemishes, but my heart is big enough for two Metro teams for sure, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Toronto Maple Leafs. So like, as you can imagine from my previously described upbringing in Hab Land, “haha Leafs suck” is a punchline I have long been familiar with and trained to recite. I got a solid 3 days of laughter and entertainment out of the whole Zamboni Driver Saga last February, oh boy did I ever. But the thing is.... I have the Leafs to thank for the fact that I watch hockey now. See, the entire reason I started paying proper attention to the playoff bubble last summer was because one day, I happened to see the phrase “WHAT IS HAPPENING” trending at 16k tweets on twitter, and clicked on it like “huh?”. Turns out the Leafs were in the middle of their miraculous 3-minute comeback against Columbus and the country was losing its mind. And when they won, I was like “huh... the Zamboni Team is doing THIS??? I may have to start paying attention to this playoffs thing, because if they go All The Way I think that might be the only thing funnier than the Zamboni Incident”. Aaaaand when they immediately lost the next game and were eliminated I was like “lol, sounds about right” and was then immediately distracted by news of the Habs winning the play-in round. So then I spent several months watching playoffs and forgetting about the Leafs. And then one day in early October, looking on YouTube for more hockey to watch after the playoffs ended, I stumbled across something called a Hat Pick, and boy I actually enjoyed this shouty man’s sense of humour and takes on the game... and then when I ran out of Hat Picks and Dangits I watched some Trade Trees, which pulled back the curtain on the business side of the game... and then I discovered LFR’s, which were good background noise for doing tasks... and then I was recommended the episode of the Steve Dangle Podcast about Mitch Marner and The List... and next thing I knew I was listening to more of this podcast, because I found Steve and the guys to be insightful and funny and there was no hockey to watch, and I was trepidatious about accidentally stumbling into the more toxic corners of hockey fandom if I branched out for other content... and, well. If you spend enough hours listening to people passionately analyze every facet of a team, shout and cheer over a team, make fun of that team, nearly cry over that team... it’s really REALLY hard to not start to care about it. Leafs analysis was basically how I learned most of what I’ve learned about hockey this past year! And kudos to Steve and Adam and Jesse, their passionate investment in the Leafs and great content has got ME invested in the Leafs mainly because I want to see things go well for them. I want Charlie Brown to kick the football! I love a triumph over adversity story! Also, I think if the Leafs did Do The Thing it would basically be the combination of “Cubs win the World Series” and “Raptors are the champs” and I wanna watch the city of Toronto go fully apeshit from a safe distance. I don’t adore many their individual players as much as I do some other teams higher on this list, and I still laugh far too much when things go super comically impossibly badly for them, but I am actually pulling for the Leafs!! I want to see it all pay off for them. I want them to go all the way. Gimme that “LEAFS WIN!!!” (Unless it’s against someone above them on this list lol)

[kweebtrash]

Eri’s First Time Meeting Yuta

[12:04am]

"Ten, what the hell did you get me into?" I asked, looking around at the leather, PVC, velvet, and lace clad partygoers. This was my first time ever going to a BDSM party and I had no idea what to expect. Some people were paired off, partaking in spanking, whipping, caning, you name it, while others indulged in their voyeuristic nature. Dozens of others were making out and groping one another while on the road to getting drunk. Down the hall I could see rooms with little occupied signs hooked on the front. I could only imagine what was going on in there.

"You need to get some more experience. You're still a little too green for me but you're getting there." Ten wrapped his arm around my shoulders and kept me close. "You're not scared are you?"

"Scared?" I shook my head and turned away from seeing someone's bra drop to the floor. "Just a little nervous I guess. A lot of people are starting to get naked."

"We're all consenting adults here. Being naked isn't a big deal. If you want we can rent out one of the rooms later?" He gave me that devilish and sadistic smile that always appeared when it was play time.

"Slow your roll, Ten. The nights still young and I still need to get used to this."

I felt his fingers dig into the back of my neck and force me to look up at him. "What did you call me?"

I swallowed hard and realized that I was in trouble for not calling him by his proper title. It hadn't been long since I discovered this side of myself and there were plenty of times where I slipped up. I would get punished, sometimes gentle, most times extremely rough so he could brandish my mind with the consequences of my actions. There were so many rules and things to keep up with it was overwhelming. I didn't understand certain things and in that aspect he was my mentor, slowing down and helping me figure out if I liked a particular kink or not. Ten had the capability of being patient though it wasn't really his forte.

"S-sorry, Sir." I said softly. He gave me a small nod, letting me know that I had satisfied him and it was exactly what he wanted to hear. That was one of our teaching moments.

"There's a bunch of stuff to do around here, just ask." He continued without a hitch. "I'm supposed to meet up with my roommate but I have no idea where he went off too."

"Your roommate? I didn't even know you had one. I thought it was a single room." I said.

"It mostly is, though we share a bathroom. That's how they're connected." He dropped our conversation in favor of looking around to spot the familiar face. I didn't want to wander by myself and hoped to God he wouldn't leave me. I clutched onto his mesh shirt and pressed myself to his side. He must've taken pity on me because he placed a kiss on my forehead and tapped my shoulder. "This way. I think I know where he might be."

Ten led me up a grand staircase, weaving through the clogged space. The crowd was making me even more nervous and was chipping away at my social anxiety. It only made me cling to him even tighter, not letting him go for even a second. When we arrived at the top of the stairs it gave way to a large open balcony. It wasn't as crowded as the downstairs area but rather more orderly with single file lines of people waiting to partake in the activities. On one side there was a massage table where someone was laying face down with glass orbs resting against their back. A flame danced over the top of the glass and I almost cringed. What in the world was that?

"It's called cupping." Ten said as he must've noticed my weirded out expression. "It was used as a medical practice before but now most people like it for the marks it leaves behind and the sensation." He pulled me towards something I was more familiar with.

There was a wooden set up that was large enough to weave someone within the confines of decorative rope knots and have them suspended a foot or two off the ground. I perked up instantly when I saw a gorgeous, mostly naked, woman swinging slightly and flushed with happiness. Rope had been a high point of curiosity and I had been dying to try out some more complicated ties. "Can I do that, Sir?" I asked, excitedly.

"I knew you would want to. And look, it's exactly where I knew Yuta would be." Ten waved at a taller guy with shaggy deep auburn hair and a 1000 watt smile that made my heart feel like it was going to burst. It was like he was the human embodiment of the sun, radiating warmth and passion, infecting everyone around him. To say he was gorgeous was an absolute understatement but I couldn't find any word in my flittering mind that would compliment him enough. When Ten joined up with him I stood behind, not sure what I should say or do. Beautiful men made me shyer than I normally was. It had even taken me awhile to even open up to Ten because he was a stunning model and I hadn't really been out on the dating/hook up scene since my relationship ended. Meeting Ten was an act of fate (aka Tinder) and it had been a few months since then. Now that this Yuta had come into the picture I was curious enough to see if I could get with him too. I just couldn't make the first move or my heart would dissolve as soon as it hit my stomach.

"What's up?! I was wondering when you'd come!" Yuta said.

"We just got here not too long ago. I was trying to find you and figured you'd be by the rope." Ten replied.

"I'm helping my buddy out tonight since so many people lined up and it takes awhile to load them. Who's this?"

My head shot up as the attention was brought to me. "This is Eri, the chick I was telling you about."

"Ahh, the famous curious kitten, Eri. Glad to finally meet you since Ten won't shut the fuck up about you." Yuta chuckled.

"What? Really?" I was kind of stunned at the admission.

"Oh yeah, he likes to brag about how you're into everything and he's turning you into the 'perfect little sub'."

"Oh, gee thanks. I'm not that much of a sub." I rolled my eyes and nudged Ten in the ribs with my elbow.

"Well she can be a bit feisty and definitely a brat. You know I like a challenge." Ten dove towards my cheek, making obnoxious playful kisses at me. I shoved him away, smushing my hand against his face.

"Cut it out, weirdo.” I grunted.

“Yuta, can you watch her? I’m gonna see if I can sneak some drinks for us.”

Yuta nodded. “Just tell Ronnie it’s for me. He’ll do it.” Ten pushed me towards Yuta before leaving me stranded. I had no idea what I should say to him or even if I should asked to be tied up. Luckily, he beat me to the punch. “Want to try it?”

I looked at the line of people behind me. “I can go to the back of the line, I don’t want anyone to be mad.”

“I’m in charge, I do what I want. Come here.” It took a bit of time to untie the woman who was caught in Yuta’s web but once he was done I was placed in the center of the support beams and his slender fingers worked over me. I felt my entire body flush as he stood so close, commanding me to turn and move when needed. Before I knew it, he was on his knees, sliding the rope between my thighs. I looked down at him and he winked flirtatiously as he secured the knots. “Ten ever tie you up?”

“A little but not as extensive as this. He just normally ties my arms and legs down. I’ve always wanted to try shibari though.”

“Well I’m the right person to come to. Ready?” He gave a tug on a few knots to make sure they weren’t going to come loose then grabbed the ends of the rope that would hoist me up. I nodded, still a bit nervous as my feet were swept from under me and the ceiling lights were the only thing in my line of sight. I closed my eyes quickly as I felt my body start to swing gently from the momentum. My stomach lurched a bit, not out of fright but something similar to the thrill and adrenaline you feel before hitting the drop of a roller coaster. It made me smile and settle into a place of peacefulness. When the swinging slowed I opened my eyes and saw Yuta above me. “How was it?”

“It was so cool. This is amazing! I want to do it again!”

He started working me free, almost pressing his body flush against mine. "If you want to try it again you can come to my room next time." He whispered lowly in my ear. I tensed beneath his touch as his hands slid over my stomach, over my hips and under my thighs under the guise of removing the rope. I swallowed hard and fumbled free as he made me an incompetent mess, almost tripping over myself.

"Oh, um...I'll ask Ten if I can."

Yuta laughed and rolled his eyes. "Dude, Ten has people in and out of his room all the time. You're not his only sub. He wouldn't care if we play together." He nodded towards a man that was coming towards us, presumably to switch shifts. "C'mon, I'll take you upstairs."

"What's upstairs?" I asked as he grabbed my hand and lead me away from the rope set up.

"Peace and quiet."

It was better than being stranded, especially since I didn't know anyone else here. We went up a few flights until we reached a hall that had absolutely no sound coming through from the party below. He lead me to a white door and opened it, giving way to a small room with toys set up all around. I found myself anxiously tugging and twirling the hem of my skirt around my fingers, unsure of what to expect. This was a new person that I didn't know with clearly more experience than I had. He could take control in an instant and I would be at his mercy.

"So, besides rope, what else do you like?" He sat on the loveseat that was against the wall and patted the space beside him. I sat down keeping as much space as possible between us. "C'mon, I don't bite that hard."

I nibbled my bottom lip and scooted closer to him. "Are we gonna…?"

"Not if you don't want to but that's why I asked what you liked first."

"O-oh, sorry. I'm still not used to…"

"I know. I've had a few newbies before. Trust me I got you." He smiled and tucked a stray curl or two behind my ear. "Well?"

"Oh, right! Well, uh, obviously getting tied up. Ten and I have been working on anal-" I darted my eyes away in case he somehow thought that it was weird but mostly because I was embarrassed. "Um, gags are fine, orgasm denial- I have a love/hate relationship with that one. We did blood play once but it didn't end so well. Choking, biting, spanking, all those usual things."

"Have you tried pet play?"

"Where you like wear cute stuff and crawl on the floor like a cat or something?"

He chuckled. "Yeah, something like that."

I shook my head. "No, not really. But I think I'd make a cute cat."

"You really, really would." Yuta leaned in a bit closer to me, leaving only a few centimeters between our lips. "Are you up to try a few things with me? I'll only be as rough as you want me to be, kitten."

I looked at his lips that were now curled in a smirk then moved to his eyes that were full of mischief. His hand rested on my thigh, slowly creeping its way up to tease beneath my skirt. My heart raced as if it was going to burst out of my chest but I took a leap of faith and crashed our lips together in a heated clang of desire. I had no idea what Yuta could do and I was scared, nervous, and ever so eager to learn all at the same time. I guess I was a curious kitten after all.

-

Time Stamp Masterlist//Recommend me Drabble Ideas

[serendipitousrambles]

Senior Year

Chapter 10

Max cornered El in the bathrooms the following Monday after prom on one of their final weeks at school. She had been actkng weird all day so Max decided to get to the bottom of it.

"Ok spill it."

"Spill what?" El laughed in an odd way, like she wasn't really there.

"You've been all dreamy and goofy all day. It's not like you. Especially since Mike left. Something's up." Max folded her arms across her chest.

"Nothing is up." El tried to leave but Max stretched out her arms and blocked the exit.

"Nuh uh, you're not leaving until you tell me what's up. Did something happen?"

El blushed but played it cool. "I don't know what you're talking about and please excuse me or I'll move you myself." She threatened with her powers. She never liked using them on her friends but sometimes it was necessary.

"Oh my god. No, you and Mike?!" Max saw the blush on El's face. "When?!"

"Max, I don't know what you mean."

"Don't play dumb with me. I know what you did. That's why you've been acting so weird all day!" She jumped and hugged El.

"Alright, alright. Please keep your voice down. It was after prom, but I don't want people to know." El released herself from the redhead's grip.

"This is huge though."

"Is it? But you and Dustin...?"

"What? Oh my god no. Not yet at least." Max shook her head, almost laughing at the thought. "Dustin's way to awkward to try anything like that."

"Please, don't tell the others. I don't want them knowing..."

"Promise." Max held out her pinky finger, she had been the one to teach El pinky swears when they first met. "It'll just be between us...and Mike."

They locked pinkies, giggling like school girls.

"So...what was it like?" Max smirked, curiosity getting the better of her. After all, Dustin always told her not to keep the curiosity door locked.

"Oh god, no we're not talking about this!" El walked out of the bathrooms blushing, Max laughing as she followed behind her.

"Come on! We're both adults here."

"No, I'm not going there." El speed-walked to her locker, trying to hide her heated face from Max. But the girl was sporty and fast, easily catching up with her.

"Who started it? Was it Mike? Oh my god was it you?"

El switched out her books, pretending not to hear her friend. She wasn't quite ready to face Max.

"It was! Who knew you weren't as innocent as we all thought." Max continued talking, El tried to ignore it.

"Oh look, Dustin!" El pointed down the hall and fled in the opposite direction when Max turned. It was one of the rare occasions she used her powers on her friends and held Max where she was until she had made it down the hall to her next class. Needless to say Max was not impressed with that stunt.

"Lucas! If you want fries get some of your own!" Will lightly smacked his boyfriend's hand away from his plate.

El was still busy lining up for lunch when Max joined Dustin, Will and Lucas at their table. "Did you find out why she's been so weird all day?" Dustin said through a mouthful of food.

"The weirdo acting weird? Isn't that strange?" Lucas said sarcastically. When Will gave him a disapproving look he shrugged. "Don't get me wrong she's one of us, has been for 6 years now. But she is still weird. Her 'abilities' are not normal. Cool, but not normal."

"Oh, it's nothing she's just missing Mike I guess. Him leaving again can't have been fun." Max shrugged and took a bite of pizza, trying to sound all nonchalant.

"Max, I know when you're lying." Dustin looked at his girlfriend who simply raised her eyebrows at him. "Tell us what's really going on."

"I can't, it's between us girls. You wouldn't understand."

"Try me." Dustin folded his arms. One thing about their relationship was both Max and Dustin could be annoyingly stubborn when needed. Sometimes they would be in a stand-off for a while over which movie to see and end up missing both, forced instead to go for ice cream or pizza (not that either really minded too much).

"They probably slept together or something." Lucas said casually, earning himself a playful jab in the ribs from Will. "Ow, I was joking."

Max tried to hide the expression on her face but Dustin had caught it. "Wait? Are you serious?"

"No, Lucas was just making an inappropriate joke." she tried to play it off. "So what's everyone's plans for graduation day?"

"Oh no, we're not changing the subject. Tell us the truth." Dustin had stopped eating - a sign he was serious about this. He gave her those puppy dog eyes she couldn't resist.

"Fine, I can't lie to you and your stupid blue eyes." She tugged playfully on the rim of his cap - he really needs a new hat, she thought.

"No way." Dustin gasped.

"Who knew Wheeler had it in him -ow Will!"

"That's weird Lucas." Will rolled his eyes at what Lucas was implying. "But that's great news for them. Right?"

"I guess..." Max suddenly felt awkward sat next to Dustin. She really liked him but didn't quite feel there yet. And she didn't want them talking about it to put the idea into his head. She knew it was ridiculous, Dustin wouldn't dream of trying anything she wasn't comfortable with, but there was that small, irrational part of her mind that still struggled with her fear of being lied to, her fear of being too trusting.

"Anyway, I promised I wouldn't tell you guys and you know how she feels about promises." Max pleaded with them not to say anything. If El knew she'd broken their promise...she didn't want to think what would happen. She'd learnt very quickly how serious El took promises which wasn't necessarily a bad thing, it just meant you had to really know what you were getting yourself into when you make a promise to her.

Dustin reached out and touched her hand, "Don't worry, we won't say anything. Right, Lucas?" he glared at the boy who was prone to being a blabbermouth sometimes. He meant well but sometimes secrets got loose.

Lucas made a motion of zipping his mouth shut and handing the invisible key to Will who shook his head but laughed. They're good for each other, Max thought.

They all got quiet as El walked up, instantly she could feel something was up. "What's the matter? Why are you all staring at me like that?"

"N-nothing, hey sit down." Max pulled El to sit next to her.

There was silence at the table until Max stood up looking really guilty. "I can't do it. El, I'm so sorry, they found out about you and Mike."

"Max!" El stood up as well, blushing. "How could you?"

"They made me!" she pointed blame at Dustin and Lucas, Will was just an innocent by stander. "But it's ok, we're all happy for you. Trust me."

Slowly, both girls sat down.

"I'm gonna be having words with Wheeler at graduation. If he thinks he can mess around with our El." Dustin laughed and Max glared at him. "What? I'm only joking."

El had been worried her friends would freak out or take it the wrong way if they'd found out, but they'd actually been accepting and cool with it.

"Does Hopper know?" Will asked.

"He kind of found out, we may have not been as subtle as we thought." She felt her cheeks burn with embarrassment.

They laughed, joking about everything and anything until Lucas looked serious. "I'm really going to miss this. Us just hanging out at lunch, graduation is next week. How crazy is that?"

"Way to bring down the mood Sinclair." Dustin's smile faded.

"I'm sorry, I just started thinking about it."

"Guys, we have all summer to be emotional." Max looked between them. "Let's just enjoy what time we have together. How's that year book coming along Will?"

"It should be out by the end of the week."

"I'm expecting a page dedicated to my sporting achievements." Lucas flexed a muscle.

"Yeah, obviously." Will rolled his eyes but smirked.

The four years had come to an end, the last few days creeping round the corner. It was hard to pretend that they weren't all scared of the end, but there were many exciting opportunities to come.

[lorawinters]

Grown-Ups-- a personal essay

On a rainy October night, my tiny dorm bedroom is lit by only the golden glow of the lamp on my desk and the flashes of Young Frankenstein dancing against the faces of my boyfriend, Stefan, and me. It’s a Tuesday; the only day of the week Stefan can make the drive up from Meadville to my tiny dorm room and spend the night before waking up at five in the morning to go to work. We sit on my bed, too warm to climb under my spider-web quilt; I lay on my back as Stefan rubs my tummy, aware that pain killers had done nothing to assuage the cramps I had been experiencing all day. I hated to be wearing my glasses, but I would never give up a chance to see Gene Wilder’s crazed eyes in a Mel Brooks film in high definition.

Stefan is ten years older than I. He and I were aware we were going to get a lot of crap for the discrepancy in our ages, being 31 and 21, respectively. We have fun with it and even take joy in the looks on people’s faces when they see us together. On one side stands a six-foot-one man with dark red hair and blue-green eyes; beside him, a small girl with pigtails covered head to toe in black, dressed perfectly for a funeral. Except we’re in a bagel shop or a grocery store, laughing while Stefan makes stupid jokes only I would find funny.

Our friends, through whom we had met, are possibly the least capable of comprehending our relationship. They, of course, are also adults, nearly each of them married, paired perfectly with one another, only one or two of them single. For some reason, Stefan and I always end up holding ourselves up to compare with those friends.  At least as far as we can tell, they have their lives together. They have houses, and careers, and cats. Us, not so much. Stefan is 31, divorced and his car is falling apart at the seams. I am a 21-year-old college student with not much life experience to speak of.

Stefan is a human space heater, and the heat of his hands does wonders on my abdomen. I’m just entering the realm of being sleepy when he says, “So John wanted us to come to this haunted house with him and Ellen.” I turn my head to face him, my face perking up at the prospect of going to a haunted house. “I told him we couldn’t because we already had plans to go see the Halloween parade,” I’m ready to tell him I would gladly skip the parade to go to a haunted house. “Besides, with me house-sitting this weekend, I can’t really go that far away anyhow.”

“Oh well,” I say, “It was nice of him to offer, though. Maybe we can hang out with them some other time.”

“Yeah that’s what he said, too. He said we should figure out a day to hang out.”

John and Ellen are possibly our favorite couple on the planet. At nearly forty, they have their shit together. They both work for the post office, Ellen in the sorting room, John out and about delivering. Ellen once spent a year teaching English in China. John loves to talk to me about his videogames, being aware that I have an interest in them and Ellen does not. John was Ellen’s first kiss, her first boyfriend, her first everything. They’re more like a separate set of parents, really. I’ve always seen Bear (John’s nickname) as a sort of Dad. He’s about forty years old and he gives me the biggest hug a human is capable of when he sees me. If I have an event, he and Ellen are the first ones to be there to support me. Ellen has behaved like a mother figure to the both of us. Before Stefan and I were seeing each other, she had been trying to fix him up with women she knew. When she found out that I was about to experience my first Edinboro winter without proper winter boots, she took the initiative to go out and buy them. They are probably the adultiest adults I can think of.

So when I hear they want to hang out outside our usual friend group, my eyes light up. “Bear wants to double date with us?” Stefan nods. “You know that this means, don’t you,” I sit up to raise my hands in the air, bringing them down in a hug as I speak, “We’re real adults! The Grown Ups want to hang out with us!” We’re no longer viewed as children to them. We no longer need them to keep us alive, we have each other to make sure of that.

“Hooray!” Stefan cheers. “We’re real grown-ups!

We hug and laugh as Gene Wilder screams “It’s aliiiivvvee!!”  We behave as though we are kids who have just been told we are no longer required to sit at the children’s table at Thanksgiving dinner. But maybe, just maybe, we are adults. Stefan certainly is, by most standards. But I’m stuck somewhere on that smudged line. I have some bills and I have a job I hate, but I also have no problem watching The Magic School Bus by myself in my room, and I giggle when someone says the word “boobs.” I have always thought of adulthood as this lofty goal to be dreaded. As though growing up was the death of my soul. I never noticed when I became an adult, but somehow over time, I started to see little signs that I was on the edge of it.

I have always been terrified of adulthood. Being a Grown Up certainly hadn’t done my father any favors. He was always worrying about work, about how to make sure my brother and I ate at night. I was raised with this negative view of Growing Up. One day, probably on a birthday, you woke up and POOF! you were a Grown Up with a mortgage, a job you hate, coworkers who drive you crazy, and distant friends you are just too tired to talk to anymore. But as I began to toe that line of child and adult, Stefan and I figured out a balance between the two.

One of Stefan and I’s favorite activities is probably to go out together, into the world and run errands as though we are true Grown Ups. On any given Saturday morning, we get into Stefan’s beat-up beige Pontiac, shopping list in hand, and off we go.  On our way, we talk about all our normal activities, Dungeons and Dragons, movies, theatre, comic books, etc. Once we pull into the Aldi parking lot, we grab a quarter out of the change-laden compartment between us and get a shopping cart. Stefan hates grocery shopping, he often jokes that he is merely there to drive me back and forth.

“I can’t just let you walk, there’s weirdos out there waiting to take a cutie like you,” he jokes, tousling my hair and kissing me on the cheek.

“Only because I’m small and can’t fight back. I may be easy to take, but I’ve got a big enough mouth that I’m even easier to return.” We both laugh, knowing I’m right. But as we peruse the aisles, and he is both my muscle and my height, lifting cases of soda from shelves below, and cartons of heavy cream from the top of the refrigerator. As I’m collecting the ingredients for dinner tonight, Stefan grabs other little things he knows we’re low on, milk, eggs, powdered sugar. We eventually get to the checkout line and we split the cost. It looks a bit uneven, I have more items on the belt than he, but I’ve stuck him with buying the meat so I know it’ll even out.

Once everything is packed up in the back seat of the Pontiac, we head to Dollar General. While Stefan is off searching for dryer sheets (which I insist he doesn’t really need), I’ve been overtaken with joy at the cheap seasonal items on display. By the time he’s come back, I am silently laughing at a light-up cup with a curly straw wrapped around the outside. The look on my face is pure joy, the face of a little girl who actually got that pony from Santa. Stefan picked up one of the cups from the shelf and flipped it over to take a look at the price. Four Dollars; I know because I looked briefly before resuming my hopping up and down. After glancing at the bottom of the cup, Stefan put the cup back, picked out one he liked, and spun me around toward the counter. “Come on,” he said, “we’re getting them.” And that night, we eat chicken Florentine and drink wine out of those cups.