#bottom law is my favourite

[thewomanwithamessedupmind]

I love finding obscure doujinshis. I mean, I got to see Robin and Boa Hancock grow dicks then fuck Law. You can't find those just anywhere. Even if I can't read them, I can still get the gist of them. So, I'm still happy. And I get more variety of pairings with Law. It doesn't matter if I can read them or not. I'M STILL ENJOYING THEM DAMNIT! Just thought I'd share what I've been doing in my free time aside from video games and writing.

[tojbnuy]

boyfriend!toji when you randomly get your period.

you and toji had been cuddling on his couch for the past hour. toji had demanded you watch his favourite episodes of law and order with him as you both constantly bickered about who had better taste in shows. toji was also using this as an excuse to have you close, one of his favourite things to do with you was binge watch shows and movies. you were the type of person to make commentary throughout the entire thing but toji unfortunately found everything you said hilarious so he didn’t mind (though he would never tell you that). you’d watched two episodes by now and you were starting to feel ravenous.

“yeah alright doll i know, bbq wings and extra ranch.”

“awww look who knows my order off by heart”

“hard not to when you gobble it down 3 times a week.”

you punch his shoulder, obviously to no prevail as the man was built of muscle and muscle only. he tackled you back and the two of you go on play fighting until you sit up slightly and see the red mark on the thigh of toji’s sweatpants. toji’s face immediately turned into one of confusion, there’s no way he was bleeding from some play fighting, it didn’t even hurt? but you had realised what happened, you had realised but you really really hoped this one time you were wrong. and then toji saw the small red stain splotched on the back of your pyjama pants where you had previously been pressed into him whilst you were watching tv.

“uh oh baby d’ya get your period?”

“oh my god i think so” and with that you had ran off to the bathroom and locked the door. your heart was racing and your face felt like it was on fire. you and toji had only been dating for two months you were sure this would be it for him, he thinks you’re disgusting he has to. you peel your bottoms off and just as your about to get into the shower you hear a knock on the door.

“baby you wanna pass me your pants and i’ll put them in the wash?”

God why was he washing them? did he think you were the type of person to not offer to? how would you even give them to him he’d have to touch them? you didn’t have the voice to argue right then so you folded your pyjama pants as neatly as you could and without a word unlocked the door and plopped them into his waiting hands. he sounded like he had tried to get a word in but you had shut the door just as fast. he was probably going to ask you to leave as soon as you came out and you couldn’t blame him how could you have been so careless? you hadn’t heard from him again whilst you were showering and as hard as you tried you couldn’t get the tears to stop. you knew periods weren’t a big deal but you couldn’t help but feel so deeply embarrassed at what had happened. with trembling hands you crept your way to his bedroom and found some pajamas of yours you’d left on a previous stay. you’d also kept a stash of pads in his drawers for emergencies you just didn’t think they’d be this humiliating.

“mama you finished?”

after a few deep breaths you opened the door and braced yourself for him to ask you to leave.

“i’m so so sorry toji” you whispered, his name coming out of your mouth on a choked sob.

“mama what are you talking about?” toji didn’t know what to do. you were distraught, over some blood? he froze for a second at the sight of your red nose and bloodshot eyes, the hicuppy sounds of your quick breaths. then he swooped you into his arms and began caressing your back as he spoke.

“baby please tell me you aren’t this upset over getting some blood on me? like you haven’t cleaned my cuts and bruises hundreds of times by now”

“that’s not the same.” you said in between short breaths.

“it is tho baby. it’s just a bit of blood i’m a big boy i can handle it. in all honesty baby you could shit in my hands and i wouldn’t give a fuck.” he said in an attempt to make you laugh.

“toji ewww”

“kidding mama. kind of. seriously though baby look at me” he held your face gently in hands and lifted your head until you looked him in his eyes.

“you physically couldn’t do anything that would make me see you any less. you’ve done so much for me mentally and emotionally there is nothing on this planet that could ever make me be disgusted by you let alone something natural.”

you didn’t have any words to reply to him with and he didn’t need any. your expression had changed, the embarrassment had simmered down and all he could see now was affection and gratitude. toji understood you, he knew that sometimes you didn’t want to speak, especially after a long cry you had a tendency to stop talking for a while. with your face still held in his calloused palms toji pressed his lips into your soft ones. he pecked your lips, then moved to your nose, your forehead, over both your eyelids and then both your cheeks.

“my pretty girl. you want your wings now baby?”

and he couldn’t help but chuckle at the way your eyes lit up. you truly were his girl.

a/n : oh noooo he dropped his feminist literature books

[bitchimasnake-sss]

hi lovely🥹 i'm sorry if i am being unreasonable, but may i ask, for more stories of stepbro!op monster trio? sorry to bother 🥹🫂

you guys are never unreasonable!!! unless, you like ask me to write actual incest cause frankly that goes beyond my (very lose) morals. but step-brothers? we love (fictional) step-brothers. you got it! like always, also adding ace and law!! hope you enjoy, pretty <3

☆thinkin' about: the monster trio, ace 'n law! vs familial relations, shh!

NOT PROOFREAD. JUST UTTERLY HORNY AND PERVERTED. tw: CONCEPT OF STEP-CEST, PORN LOGIC, DUB-CON. BIMBOFICATION. DEAD DOVE: DO NOT EAT. [i.e. if you do not feel okay reading such concepts, please scroll/click away. thankyou in advance.] cw: lots of porn logic. set in modern au. nsfw includes: a lot of overstimulation blowjob, cockwarming, penetration, cunnilingus, fingering, some bondage and use of toys and smex. lots of smex. MDNI OR I WILL ACTUALLY FIND YOU USING BLACK MAGIC. SIT THIS ONE OUT, KIDS. m.list

🍒monkey d. luffy: your favourite meal, 'nichan!

❤️monkey d. luffy is not quite sure which he loves more, you or food. because when he entered the kitchen in the dead of the night, he only really wanted to eat something to soothe his insatiable hunger. how lucky, he found you there instead! "l-luffy," you squirm under his tight grip on your thighs as his tongue swipes against your clit once more. when he looks up, his lips are drenched in everything you, "what?" "someone's gonna see." you mumble, trying feebly to pull at his hair and get him to part with your pretty pussy. but luffy just holds you down tighter on the kitchen counter, making sure your trembling cunt doesn't run away from him. he's still hungry, after all. he gives you a dopey smile, the kind that has you believing all of his false lies, "nobody's gonna come, pretty." he licks a soft stripe up your wet pussy, softly chuckling at his own joke, "i mean, you will." "nobody will?" you echo innocently, words falling down your wobbling lips so easily as he pulls your hips to himself and starts feasting like a man ravished. he moans against your folds, "nobody, i promise." his nose nudges against your clit so dangerously well, his tongue slides into your sickly sweet hole so easily and as he fucks up the muscle into you, you swear you feel his tongue stretch as if to hit you g-spot. "l-luffy, ohmygod," you practically feel yourself drip onto your step-mother's freakishly clean counter tops and half-heartedly try to think of a lie to tell her when she asks you about the stain. "tsk," you step-brother shakes his head so softly around your cunt, pulling back his drenched face just to nudge his digits into your hole instead, "don't worry about the mess, i'll clean it up all by myself." and from the way your step-brother was licking at you clit, drinking in every candied, syrupy essence out of you, you were sure he meant it. "just relax, and let me have my share." he husked into your bundle of nerves, right hand pumping and curling into your heat, "i got the rest, peach."

🍀roronoa zoro:

💚"zoro?" you ask so softly, and your voice echoes back towards you from the empty changing room. your step-brother had asked you to come see him once his practice was over. he claimed it was an emergency, and wouldn't you be a terrible younger step-sister if you ignored your brother in a dire situation like this? "in here." his voice echoes from the shower as you meekly find yourself walking to one of the closed stalls. calling out again, you stand in front of the stall, "zoro?" the door opens momentarily and you're pulled in by his sturdy hand on your wrist. as soon as your gain some semblance of sanity, you're face to face with your step-brother. the shower is still running in the background, and water droplets softly run down his ripped, naked body. "what's the emergency?" you ask softly but zoro brings his hands up to your lips, softly swiping his thumb across your pouty bottom lip before meeting your eyes. he rasps, "i had a shit match. 'm so angry right now, think you can make it better, pretty?" you nodded, knowing just what would cheer your brother up. after all, that's what a good step-sister should do! sinking down to your knees, you gaze up at him one last time before softly grabbing his aching, erect cock in your hands. zoro moans at your soft touches, and it spurs you to lick his tip leisurely. your hands move up and down over and over again as his tip slips past your lips. you taste his beading pre on your tongue and your thighs rub against each-other as you feel the wetness build up in your panties. "good girl." zoro husks, throwing his head back and guiding you to softly take more of him in. he tastes like he always does: sea-salt and something tangy, and you hum around the familiar taste, "jus' like that, so, so good for me." you hum around him again, gagging just a little bit as his tip kisses the back of throat, "r-really?" "of course." zoro hums, pulling you off his aching cock to let you breathe, "think ya can take it whole?" you nod with conviction and the green-haired jock smears his tip across your lips, smirking down at the way you part your mouth to let him line it easier, "cute." he guides you to take him past your glossy lips, "take it. take it whole."

🫐vinsmoke sanji:

💙"and how does this one taste?" sanji asks innocently, feeding you a bite from the cake he had baked, "good?" you nod, words wobbling, "'s r-eally good, sanji." "awh," your step-mother claps, "'m so glad you both are working hard together for the bake sale! alright, i'm off to the market. be good, both of you." "of course." sanji nods and you feel him press his erection onto you from behind. teasing you. telling you just what was waiting for you. you were lucky that your lower halves were hidden by the kitchen island otherwise your step-mother would have seen that sanji had his hands down your shorts, teasing your clit while pretending he was such a saint. as soon as you both hear the woman slam the front-door and leave, sanji drops his face into the crook of your neck, breathing in your scent like a man crazed. his forefinger and thumb pinch your clit so meanly and you buck into him as a result, "s-sanji." "don't you think you should thank me?" your step-brother rasps, pulling your folds apart so he could thumb your clit better, "i helped you bake for your sale." "th-thankyou." you stutter at the way his fingers keep circling your sensitive nub, "how should i... thank you?" "let me make you cum." he hums definitively, slipping his hand further to let one finger inside you, "ah, you always feel this good. 's almost addictive." "it... it is?" you buck into his hand, desperately rutting to get the friction on your clit from him. but sanji never let you beg, ofcourse. he riles you up instead, "what's that, baby? want more?" and the blonde shoves another finger without you nodding. curling his digits, he moans at the way your gummy walls clench around him, how your wetness was dripping down his hand and wetting your short, how you brought your own up hand to your tits to play with your perky nipples. "you're so cute." sanji hums, pumping into you without faltering, "come on, pretty girl. cum all over me. let me taste you."

🦋portgas d. ace:

🧡"tsk, wrong again?" your older step-brother softly shakes his head. if it weren't for the slight smirk in his tone, you would have thought he was seriously disappointed in you. "'m sorry." you mumble, hips squirming as as he wraps his muscled arms around your waist to hold you still. he rests his head in the crook of your neck, softly whispering to you, "y'know i had to skip hanging out with my friends to help you do this assignment. and now? you're getting all of them wrong." "i cannot focus..." your voice trembles and he laughs in return, "really? why not?" he hums, "you know how busy i am, right?" and you did! you knew he was busy with his own things and asking for his help over this uni assignment was stupid... but, he was always so good at teaching, that you had to ask him. "tell me..." he wonders aloud, "why cannot you focus?" but how could you? you were stuffed full of your step-brothers cock. his length stayed unmoving inside you, and the way you could feel every little vein against your velvety walls. he was so mean! he said he would fuck you once you finished your assignment, until them let him cockwarm in you. but it had been so long and he was still unmoving!! "ah, well... you know the punishment." he whispers in mock distress, and your pussy trembles against his length in anticipation. his hand comes down on your clit. a harsh, little slap that has you dripping down his length and wet both your clothes. "try again." ace says definitively, "c'mon, you're surely not as dumb as you're acting." and then, something clicks. "hah, unless..." your step-brother's fingers come down to tease your exposed, overstimulated clit again, "you're purposefully getting them wrong because you want me to do..." he slaps your cunt again, "this?" "no!" you shake your head, voice growing even weaker, "i- i didn't. promise." but he just grins, "shit. if you liked that so much, should've told me sooner, princess."

🪻trafalgar d. water law:

💜"you know i need to practice, right?" your step-brother repeats and you nod in return, "i... i know. don't worry, law." you knew he was a med student, and you knew how important it was for him to be able to understand the human body from a close, physical point of view! and especially, for him to better examine women, he needed to understand them well, didn't he? and well, that's where you came in. you lay in his bed, your arms and legs tied to the leg posts as law peers down at you, "let me just see how you react, okay?" you nod and law brings the buzzing toy to your glistening cunt. as the vibrator comes in contact with your exposed clit, you involuntarily jerk your hips away, eyes clenching shut in delight. your hips stutter all-too-pathetically and law takes the toy away to note something down. your tattooed doctor looks down at you as if scrutinizing you, "hm, feel good?" and you can't help but nod desperately, "y-yes." "then, tell me." there's this sadistic glint in his eyes, "i told you, talk to me through it. how else would i know how you react, right?" "i-i'm sorry." you catch your wobbling lips under your teeth, a sorry expression plastered to your face as law slowly brings the toy back to your anticipating body. "f-feels good, law." you stutter as the toy constantly nags against your sensitive nub, and law nods as if he's serious, "does it? describe it better for me, could you?" "it feels..." your words get stuck in your throat, eyes widening at the lewd things you're about to say. you avert your gaze, "i- don't wanna say such things." "oh?" law quirks an eyebrow, his lips pressed into a thin line as if unveiling his disappointment. your stomach drops at his reaction. after all, what kind of step-sister were you?! he mumbles gravely, "but it's for my study, y'know that. there's no shame in helping your older step-brother, right?" "i-" your step-brother gives you a re-assuring nod, and your voice trembles as he teases you, "it f-feels good... like my body's gonna explode, an-and it's good." "it's good?" he repeats and you nod, trying to rest your eyes on him despite your squirming body, "y-yes." "that's a relief." he huffs, pressing the toy against your clit harshly now, "i'm glad my girl's having fun." law exchanges the toy for his thumb instead, giving you a soft smile, "let me see how this feels for you."

a/n: hahahaha I SWEAR IM SANE!!! I SWEAR!!! yes, my digital footprint goes crazy, thanks for asking. don't ask again. also. the feminine urge to write the all of these drabbles longer and without step-cest... hm, anyone on board?? anyways, glad to see you having fun you filthy, filthy person :// m.list

[copilot-crashout]

hii!! >w< may i request anti-tulpar au mouthwashing characters x gender neutral reader hcs? (both sfw and/or nsfw hcs? honestly i don’t mind if you leave out the nsfw part, sfw hcs are just fine! ^^) i haven’t seen a lot of anti-tulpar content and i love the au smmmm! your work is also so good omgg >w<

Pairing: Anti!Tulpar crew x gn!reader

Content Warning: There are NSFW HCs here! It's my first time writing anything NSFW. Please keep that in mind!! ( -᷄ _ -᷅ ; ) Also, there are mentions of stalking Jimmy + blood kink for him. Misogynistic ideology on Curly's part.

[A/N]: I love anti!Tulpar so much... They're so interesting to me!! ˶ ˊ ᵕ ˋ ˶ Since both of these asks were similar, I decided to combine them... If @livvizible wants Anti!Curly separately, please ask me again!! ᕦ(˵•̀ᴥ•́˵)ᕤ

In other news, if people want to talk to me more personally, I'd be happy to make another blog/give my other socials. Just let me know~!

[SFW] CAPTAIN CURLY:

-> He runs a tight ship, nothing gets past his eyes. Whatever orders he barks out, he expects to be followed. His ship is one set by law and order, and yet you seem to be the only exception. You're the only one he could consider his equal, after all.

-> This guy thrives off PDA. He'd be happy to make out with you in front of the rest of the crew, so long as they know who you belong to. He always keeps a hand around your waist, pulling you closer to him when he's focused on his work and when he wants to distract you. His pride still hits you, but rather than being worked like a dog, he drags you out of it, only to chuckle at how easy it was to distract you.

-> Speaking of work, he'd be happy to let you into the cockpit, so long as you finished your assigned tasks for the day. While he wouldn't normally be one for too much affection while piloting the ship, he'd be happy to let you sit in his lap while he worked. He rests his head on your shoulder as he stares at the screen before him, keeping an eye on where they are heading.

-> Please make sure he doesn't work himself to the bone. If you bring him some snacks or a drink and keep him company, he'll thrive off it more than he can say. He still yearns for aspects of domestic life, the peacefulness foreign to him, but a welcome unknown, nonetheless.

-> Loves to give gifts. This man has expensive taste, and he's sure to show that to you with the gifts he gets you. You're a reflection of him. If he wants to maintain his image, you need to be in top shape, too. That's the excuse he gives, at least, when instead of a brand new set of clothes, he settles for giving you a massage, his tough hands working the knots in your back, eyes drilling into you with a focused glare.

[NSFW] CAPTAIN CURLY:

-> He's a certified freak. You've probably had sex in most of the rooms. His dick throbs at the idea of someone catching you two while you fuck, as if it's the equivalent of marking you as his. Though most rounds are usually quickies, he doesn't have time for long, drawn-out nights. That, and it makes him feel too vulnerable to have soft, vanilla sex.

-> The Captain is known to smoke cigars. He's more than happy to extinguish them on your body. During work hours, it's a press onto the back of your hand, the heat burning the skin to leave a mark that would heal within a few days. During sex, he grins as he watches your body flinch at the sudden heat pressed onto your back, leaving a mark only he can see.

-> He's not one to ever bottom. His belief in masculinity makes him near-inflexible in the bedroom. Giving up control in any sense of the word is too effeminate for him even worse when it's voluntary. He's a man; He shouldn't be the one whimpering or begging for mercy. Instead, he fucks you raw. His favourite position is doggy style (trust). He's pulling your hair; forcing you into a sloppy kiss as he fucks you senseless.

-> Mirror sex with him is so attractive. He wants you to see the power he lords over you, how dishevelled you look in front of your superior. He can't help but admire how captivating you are, back arched and whining for more, a steady thrum of power coursing through his veins. He knows he's the only one to make you feel that good, and he certainly won't stop.

[SFW] JANITOR JIMMY:

-> He's surprised you even wanted to date someone like him. Jimmy can only see himself as the dirt beneath your shoe. He barely deserves to be seen, especially by you, but he's ecstatic when you give him the time of day. Jimmy's better described as your loyal worshipper rather than a lover.

-> Jimmy finds himself too excited at the prospect of standing next to you. He's giddy, grinning like a schoolgirl for having the luxury of breathing the same air as you. His devotion to you is unwavering.

-> He faces relentless bullying from the other crew members becoming the designated doormat of the ship. He's embarrassed about it. Not because of his treatment. No, no. His fears are about how they reflect on you, his sweet darling. Is he unsightly to you? He isn't a strong man, he'd understand if you treated him the same too. He deserved it.

-> You're too good for the ship. You shouldn't be working a blue-collar, dead-end job like this. How about you leave it all to him. You won't even have to lift a single pretty finger. Just acknowledge him, and he'll be yours forever. He'd work himself to the bone so long as you smiled at him.

-> If you asked for anything, he would do his best to fulfil it! Need a drink? He could prepare coffee better than that simple vending machine. He knows your taste. Tired? He'll be your loyal assistant, trailing you more like a lost puppy as he asks you to bark orders at him!

-> Jimmy uses his role to his advantage. He's just the janitor, so he needs to be in your room to clean in, silly! He'll leave small gifts in places only you or he would ever see. A small necklace in your cupboard drawer, notes professing their adoration on your mirror. He wants you to know how much you mean to him! If you notice a pencil missing here or a glove missing there, he can only give you a small pout and a promise to look out for it while he's cleaning.

-> He's red-faced and stuttering whenever you make any contact with him, eyes focused on anything but you. Jimmy could just faint then and there when you kissed his cheek for the first time. He barely initiated any contact at the beginning of your relationship, still believing it couldn't be true. Jimmy was sure it was just a dare from Anya. Eventually, he warms up to it, happy to hold you for as long as you'd like, the caveat being it would be in private rather than anything the others could see.

-> He memorises your schedule. That's not creepy, is it? If you see him more often while working, he gives you a bright grin, pressing a gentle kiss to your temple as he lets you get on with your work, lest you want Captain Curly to yell you into tears. Your relationship is quiet but finds itself weaved into the mundanity of the ship. Its presence is a lingering feeling of warmth rather than any outstanding proclamation of true love.

[NSFW] JANITOR JIMMY:

-> Worship, worship, worship. It goes both ways, honestly. He leaves small kisses across your body, misty-eyed as he thanks you, thanks whatever God there is that you somehow find worth in him. Even if you were using him, it would be okay. You see him. If you praised him, he'd break into tears, soft sobs as your gentle hands trail over his scar-littered body (some from little cuts on the job, others from "accidents" he experienced in his life). He's never felt so happy. It's as close to heaven as he'll ever get to.

-> He's a sucker for any position where he can see your face. He needs reassurance from you to see you enjoying your time together. It's soft and romantic, something he didn't think he'd ever be able to experience.

-> He's not loud in bed by any means (at least when he tops). The most you hear are soft whines while he ruts into you hard or a breathy moan when he cums. If he bottoms, it's a whole different story. He feels totally ashamed, but it's mixed in with such pleasure that his whole self is thrown off. He lets out loud moans, trying to silence himself with his own hand. If you pull his hand away, he squeezes his eyes shut, afraid to see your reaction when he's begging for more.

-> You are his top priority. Anything you want, he'll give you. Nothing is off the table for him, so long as it's what you want. Feel free to get as freaky as you want with him, he'll allow it (and at some point finds himself enjoying it, too).

-> As soft as he is, I think Jimmy has a pretty strong sadistic streak. Definitely has a blood kink, honestly. There's something utterly depraved, hauntingly infatuating in giving him the power to wound yourself and him, pressing them together to stare as the blood spills over, intertwining the very essence of yourselves. Unsanitary and could probably cause infections? Yeah. Is it hot? Absolutely.

-> Following this train of thought, he has it in him to snap and go rough. Once in a blue moon, when tensions are too high and you've been ignoring him for a moment too long, he'll grab your wrist harshly and pull you into an abandoned room, whispering how much he hates it when you ignore him. He'll find ways for you to keep your eyes on him, even if it means a rough fuck where anyone can walk in.

[SFW] ACTUARY DAISUKE:

-> He's very cat-like. Whenever he's free from work, he'll go out of his way to find you, only to start complaining at how much of a task it was to find you. Yet, he still stays. Watching as you work, waiting until you're finished so all your attention can be devoted to him.

-> You're co-workers first, and lovers second. He worked hard to get his job here and would rather be caught dead than be seen as 'unprofessional.' Daisuke initiating any kind of affection is left strictly behind closed doors. The same doesn't have to apply to you.

-> If you surprise him with any kind of affection in public, he'll grumble, yet won't push you off. His excuse? You'd only get more clingy if he denies you attention now. Just don't mention how he relaxed at your touch, face softening a fraction by your company or else he'll push you off and storm off to the opposite side of the ship.

-> Another character for gifts. An actuary gets paid well, and he's got the things he needs. Might as well spend it on you. He'd never mention the way his heart skips when he sees your face light up at his surprise gift - no matter how expensive it was.

-> He's still one to play games, though! He knows all the cheat codes and he's a total completionist - a perfectionist in every sense of the word. Daisuke would be more than happy to let you play but would be even more ecstatic if you watched him play in the privacy of his room.

[NSFW] ACTUARY DAISUKE:

-> He bottoms, most if not all the time. He's just so stressed. He works so hard. What's a better way to unwind than spending time with his beloved?

-> He lets out breathy moans whenever you suck him off. Daisuke isn't one for roughness, as much as he tries to say otherwise. He's not the type to be extremely loud. The most you hear is a quiet "fuck..." from him, or a small whine.

-> Fan of mutual masturbation. He wants to know everything about you. That, and he enjoys watching your eyes flicker from his face down to his hand stroking his own cock. If Daisuke is in a good mood, he might make small comments, most being rhetorical questions about how you ever felt good without him.

-> There are so few headcanons for him NSFW-wise as I don't think he has much of a libido, honestly. It's unlike Tulpar!Daisuke where it's through the roof. He's happy to accommodate your needs, otherwise it's not something he thinks about.

[SFW] MECHANIC ANYA:

-> She's prideful, and she's not afraid to show it. By extension, you should be just as confident. Anya is your biggest hype girl. No matter what you do on the ship, she's there with a wide grin, ruffling your hair with a compliment.

-> As the mechanic, she's strong. You'll find yourself off the ground at random points of the day, Anya throwing you over her shoulder and sauntering off to god knows where. She'll never ask for your attention, only pulling stunts like these because she deserves it, obviously.

-> She wants you to praise her, too. Anya shows off around you, talking to you about a difficult task she was able to solve, or how even the Captain had to call her over to sort something out in the cockpit. She preens whenever she hears you comment on a job well done, brushing it off with a "Well, it was simple."

-> The girl is your biggest defender. If Daisuke gets too snappy with you, or the Captain is ripping you a new one, Anya will intervene with no remorse. She's happy to send them an irritated glare, pushing you behind her as she complains about how they even have the time to complain in the first place.

-> Playful ribbing with her is a must. You won't have a day with Anya where she doesn't poke fun at you (lovingly). If you tease back, she makes it a competition. Curly's exasperated when he pulls you two out of the third fake fight of the week.

[NSFW] MECHANIC ANYA:

-> Her sole focus is on you. She knows she's great in bed and she'll prove it.

-> A fan of anything oral, especially as foreplay. Her grin only widens when you're on your third orgasm of the night, begging her to slow down when she hasn't even gotten to the main show yet. If you gave her oral, she's clinging to your hair, her other hand clutching the bedsheet with a knuckle-white grip.

-> She's a huge fan of contact. Her hands are trailing any part of you that's not covered, poking and petting to see your reaction. She gets a massive kick out of it if you're especially ticklish. Even during sex, she'll find a way to make you giggle.

-> Another one for exhibitionism, except worse. She's happy to use any toy on you, so long as she holds onto the remote. Anya stands in the kitchen, eyes focused on you trying to keep your composure.

-> On particularly stressful days, she'll let you top and God's is she loud. She can only flush red when you slap your own hand over her mouth, desperately whining and bucking her hips into whatever touch you give her, her usual pride shattered.

[SFW] CHEF SWANSEA:

-> The kindest man on the ship, by far. You're everything he could've dreamed of. Daisuke rolls his eyes whenever he sees you together, grumbling about the jobs you were both forgetting about.

-> He's an old soul, and by extension has more traditional ideas of romance. His favourite thing to do is to wake you up with breakfast in bed, watching you get accustomed to being back in the land of the living, setting a tray of food in front of you.

-> The domestic life is pure bliss for him. It's hard on a ship with such extreme characters, but the kitchen becomes a second home to both of you. The others don't seem to care much for it – bar Jimmy who has to clean it every so often – meaning you two can spend quiet time together.

-> He'll teach you his recipes! He's happily waltzing around the kitchen, keeping an eye on you (and the food) as he tells you the common mistakes people make when cooking.

-> Shockingly good at reading any mood. You won't even have to tell him you're feeling sad, as he's already lending you a hand wherever you need it.

[NSFW] CHEF SWANSEA:

-> Another lover boy. This time, it's even more romantic.

-> Sucker for plain, vanilla sex. I don't think he could do many rounds at once, either. He's not in his prime anymore (and feels quite bad about it). He loves you though, and tries his best to meet your needs. Expect lots of foreplay. Your pleasure comes before his own, time and time again.

-> Swansea is more than happy to give you oral for hours. He still wants you to feel satisfied, even with his less-than-stellar stamina. You're the best thing he's tasted, perhaps better than his cooking!

-> With that, I think he'd be a fan of overstimulating you. He's happy to know you feel good, and wants you to feel your best! Swansea is more than delighted to make you cum over and over again, even before having penetrative sex.

-> He's good with his hands, too. This old man was able to rack up a lot of experience, you know.

-> If you're someone with a high sex drive, he'll do his best to meet your needs. Don't mind the flush on his cheeks, he's just not used to it. Same with people who are into more intense kinks - he's happy to please but you might have to guide him.

-> However, harming you is a no-go for him. Degradation is something he's hesitant about and outright violent kinks are ones he wouldn't go so far in exploring.

[hannibals-favourite-meal]

15 and 20 with Eddie Brock/Venom please!

.⋆｡At Last｡⋆.

Eddie Brock/Venom x plus size reader

A quiet weekend in the mountains with your boyfriends is just what you all needed (and totally wasn’t because you’re on the run from the law)

Warnings: reader is a bit of a brat, mentions of getting shot at and abusive parents, past murder, fluff, implied smut

Minors DNI

Library- @hannibals-favourite-meal-library

5k Celebration

Peace to Eddie Brock seemed to be an entirely foreign concept. His whole life was one shit storm after another, there had never been a moment of calm between his abusive father, his struggles in school, the endless fight between him and his bosses, the breakup with Annie, and then discovering Venom. He supposed he chased the chaos, needing that dose of adrenaline and fear in his blood to remind him that he was still alive and fighting.

But the second that you came crashing into his life (quite literally too, you hit Venom with your car), all he had known was that he could finally breathe. You pulled him from the fire countless times and this weekend was yet another one of those times.

Eddie had begun to get lazy in controlling Venom, letting him do what he pleased during nights when Eddie simply couldn’t be bothered to even wake up to go on patrol with him. And as a result of that, Venom accidentally ate the head of the leader of the most powerful gang in San Francisco so the three of you had to lay low for a while. Using the last of your savings, you bought a shitty cabin in the Rocky Mountains and settled there with your boys.

The whole day had been spent in silence but it was far from uncomfortable, for you at least. Venom and Eddie currently weren’t talking to each other though both seemed adamant that they stay close to you as the sun began to set over the mountains and the chill started to creep in through the poor insulation. 

Eddie’s head rested on your chest, his thick arms wrapped around your waist as Venom had nuzzled into your neck, purring happily every time you gave him a small peck between his huge milky eyes. Your nails trailed up and down Eddie’s bare back, tracing every imperfection on his skin, slowly easing the stress from his body.

All he could hear was the steady beat of your heart beneath his ear. Eddie smiled softly, rubbing the tip of his nose between your breasts. You giggled at the feeling and dug your nails into the small pudge of fat at his hips. “What’s got you so affectionate, Brock?”

“Jus happy.” He muttered, squeezing your waist even tighter than before. Venom nodded against your skin in agreement.

He is right nibble, we are very happy. 

“So you guys are finally done with the silent treatment to each other?” 

“No.” No. You raised an eyebrow at your partners to which Venom chose to continue speaking. We just love you, that is all we agree on. You rolled your eyes at them.

“Are you sure you’re both not just sucking up to me because you think I’m mad about having to quit my job and go on the lam?” Venom growled at that, making the entire bed rumble with the force of it as Eddie felt his blood pressure start to rise. Yet, no part of him felt that usual tensing of his muscles or pounding in his ears that usually came with anger, just a buzzing in his veins that only appeared in your presence. 

You said you weren’t mad. Venom pouted, making you coo at him.

“Aww baby, I’m not, I promise. I just like teasing you both.” The chill in the room didn’t stop Eddie from sitting up between your plump legs, the thick duvet that had been covering you both falling away. Your eyes, though they still sparkled with mischief, grew darker as you looked at the half naked man currently towering over you. He smirked when your gaze dropped to the old sweatpants that sat low on his hips.

Venom slid back into Eddie but you knew he was lurking below the surface, waiting to strike. “Do you now?” You captured your bottom lip between your teeth, barely managing to suppress a whine at the deep timbre of his voice.

“Well, I think it’s only fair. We’re in the middle of nowhere and you didn’t let me keep my phone. I have to entertain myself somehow.” Eddie’s muscles rippled as he leaned forwards, pushing your soft body into the mattress, keeping you pinned exactly where he wanted to.

We can smell her. Venom purred in Eddie’s mind. “Yeah buddy we can.” He agreed, taking in a deep breath and letting the thick scent of your arousal wash over them. 

“The last time you two had a secret conversation in front of me, it led to me getting shot at.” You snapped though there was no bite in your tone. Eddie groaned under his breath and rested more of his weight onto you.

He gripped one of your thighs tight enough to bruise as he brushed his lips against the shell of your ear. “Oh you’re getting pregnant tonight. Fucking brat.” You shuddered beneath him.

“You’re all talk.” Venom snarled and a black tendril shot out from Eddie’s side, wrapping tightly around your wrists, pinning them to the bed above you. 

“Try us.” Their voices moulded together and you smirked. 

At last, Eddie Brock had his peace.

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[nthspecialll]

Camp is my favourite place of them all, especially in chapter two and three but every now and then I can't stand being there because all I can think about is their future, how they will hate each other, how they will lash out, how they will be split, how they will die.

I will look at Javier playing his guitar around the campfire with a smile on his face, and think about how in the end he will have his life taken by the man he considered his best friend even after they both desperately tried to avoid it.

I will look at John sitting on the ground behind his tent, carving some figure out of wood, and think about how he did all he was told to protect his family, yet in the end, he was still shot like a dirty dog in the backyard.

I will look at Molly sitting in her and her lovers tent, quietly reading to herself, and think about how she will be shot dead merely because she loved.

I will look at Hosea reading the newspapers every morning without fail and think about how he had to watch as the man he considered his partner slowly fall apart and in the end get him killed.

I will look at Lenny eating his soup next to the man who called him his son, and think about how they will die not even an hour apart and be buried right where they wanted to be, next to a friend.

I will look at Dutch standing and talking about greatness and all the promises he has made, and think about all the people he has hurt and has yet to hurt, how he doomed them all.

I will look at Sean singing by the campfire about the land he loves so much, and think about how other than Arthur he was the only one to notice that the job was wrong yet he was the one who payed for it with a shot to the head.

I will look at Kieran standing by himself as he brushes the horses, and think about how he was worried about straying too far away because the O'Driscolls might find him and how that was exactly what happened because he didn't feel safe in camp either.

I will look at Bill listening to the stories told by his friends and think about how all he ever wanted was Dutch's approval and how he didn't even get it in the end.

I will look at Abigail caring for her son, worrying if she will have enough money to clothe him, and think about how she will have to wander the farm her husband built just for her without him by her side for three years before dying of the same as her brother in law who had saved her family.

I will look at Karen who at 10am has already found the bottom of the bottle, and think about how she will never escape that addiction that in the end will kill her.

I will look at Strauss making sure that the money is right, and think about how even when he was thrown out by Arthur, he never told on them, he never said anything, he was an old man of 60 something years who got beaten to death protecting the people who had thrown him on the street.

I will look at Uncle sleeping against a tree, and think about how in the end he died surrounded by those he loved, protecting them with his life.

I will look at Susan sitting all alone, sewing a hole in some ungrateful man's clothing, and think about how she got shot and bled out in front of her old lover who didn't even bat her and eye, all because she cared for the family she used to replace the one she could never biologically have.

Even though they are still alive, I mourn them.

[aingeal98]

batfam and their favourite sibling to hang out with

"I love all my siblings equally." yes but there are some they get on with better than others and that's just life. Doesn't mean the love isn't there for everyone it just means there are some you'd rather sit on a couch with and chat about your day.

Dick Grayson: Favourites are Tim and Damian. Jason is right below them and if you asked Dick he'd say he loved all three of them equally but the sad reality of not having enough time with Jason before he died means that the love is different. It's just as intense but they don't actually get on as well as he does with Tim and Damian. So for this ranking he doesn't make the top spot, sorry Jason.

Jason Todd: It's Duke. Before Duke it would have been Dick and Jason hates that so he's very grateful to Duke for being a little brother Jason doesn't get the urge to shoot and dunk in the trash.

Tim Drake: Look it's always going be Dick Grayson for him. Being a Dick Grayson fanboy was a core part of his character concept. But given everything that happened since he first became Robin I'm going to put Cass up here too. Because it's my post and I'm biased and I love them. Plus I do think with the arrival of Damian and everything that went down Tim would sometimes find it easier to hang out with Cass than with anyone else. Middle child solidarity etc.

Cassandra: Tim and Duke. She just gets on with them the best. She doesn't hate Dick and Damian or anything, they're just less likely to know what combo move she wants to do on a random henchman with only one look.

Damian: Dick. He's the only one who's actually put any thought into this and is willing to rank them all out loud but the top spot has yet to change. Cass and Duke switch second and third place while Jason and Tim switch places at the bottom, depending on who's annoyed him most that week.

Duke: It's Cass. Sorry Jason. Duke is also the only one who if questioned, wouldn't have Dick in his top three.

Babs: Well it's not James Gordon Jr I can tell you that much. (If she thinks about it seriously she'd probably say Cass. Cass doesn't see Babs as a sibling as much as a mom but Babs is way more comfortable with the big sister label.)

Steph: Technically she doesn't have any siblings but if she had to pick someone she'd say Babs or Damian. Out of all Bruce's kids she'd rather hang out with Cass but their relationship is uh. Definitely not sibling like. With Babs she's like a cool older sister and with Damian Steph is his cool future sister in law. (Damian does not agree with this assessment of their dynamic.)

[rrking]

Some General BG HCs

Me and my wifey often discuss Astarion things in real life, and there are a few that I thought I would share.

Spoiler warning⚠

Astarion

Random knowledge bank. Meeting your parents for the first time and your dad wants to talk about history? Ask Astarion, if he doesn't just know, he remembers.

Enjoys going to the library. Does not enjoy the rabble who also enjoy the library. You have to explain to him over and over about library cards and infrared scanners so he doesn't just nope out and steal the book. Also gets annoyed when books from his time are revised.

Don't want to touch the raw meat packaging? No worries, Astarion will lick it up for you. Imagine him leant against the kitchen counter sucking up the blood from that piece of paper at the bottom of the mince. (A wifey thought)

On the subject of blood, if you cut your finger in the house he will be licking that up for you with a leering grin. Dragging it out so he can watch how you roll your eyes at him.

Comes in late, as usual, but this time after taking out every fucking goose or pigeon in the local area. The council are unhappy. Astarion is ecstatic. Word of a bird plague is sweeping through the borough. You are not happy with Astarion. Astarion doesn't care about the council until they put your council tax up.

Glares out of the window at kids playing but won't admit they're kind of cute. Especially glarey when kids come to the door trick or treating. Bonus points if they're dressed as vampires... Maybe he'll compliment them. "Darlings, look at your adorable little capes! Does your mother know you lot are prancing around dressed like monsters?" Will absolutely deny any niceties when you look at him knowingly, a smirk appearing on your lips as you notice the bucket of sweets he's holding, still excited after giving the children far more than they needed. or asked for.

Moans and groans when you watch vampire films. "Darling, turn that nonsense off, would you? Were you curious about vampires, you have one right here."

Groans even more when you watch law and order style programs, particularly court ones. Bad memories. "And why did he not get the death sentence?!"

Serial social media meme stealer.

Always creeps up behind you when you are looking in the mirror, ready to scare you. Or shag you, you be the judge.

Gale

Want chippy but don't want to get up or wait for an order? Blink. Gale will blink there and back. What's faster than Uber Eats? Going via the Astral Plane.

100000% will make you a brew if you ask :) He turns up with your favourite mug and your drink exactly the way you like it.

The type of man to run you a hot bath ready when you get in from work or if you've had a hard day just because.

Definitely discovers Nivea for Men.

Remembers things like birthdays and anniversaries.

Sees shiny things and wonders if they're infused with the weave. Gazing through the jewellery shop window.

Suffers through Harry Potter at Christmas wondering where all the elegant wizards are.

Started a thing where you leave post it notes for one another with sweet nothings on. Today as you're walking past the calendar pinned to the kitchen wall, you spot a new post it note. This one is pink and bares Gale's graceful handwriting. It reads: "My most special one, everyday I wake up next to you I feel luckier than the last. Have a great day x" Such devoted notes leave you feeling warm inside.

Halsin

Prefers to buy 'living herbs' than ground jar ones because NATURE.

Is that person who goes past an adult shop and says loudly "let's go inside!"

Definitely gets stuck in garden chairs and the like due to being so massive. Don't get this man in a smart car.

Stands up at barbecues if the chair is too small. It probably is.

Literally has to be told to avoid the bear story to others because they will not understand but tells it anyway if he gets too drunk.

Actually finds it quite difficult to adapt to modern society almost more than Lae'zel.

If you live in the countryside, Halsin definitely finds it a little easier, but if you live in the city he is constantly asking questions. The thing that catches his eye today is a statue above the bank door - a lion with a key in his mouth. "Does that petrified displacer beast not wish to return to the wilderness?" "Halsin, that is a statue of a lion with a key in it's mouth." "...Oh. Why does it guard a key?" You look at him curiously, unsure of how to answer such an innocent question. "It's just HSBC's thing... I don't actually know."

Struggles to find clothes that actually fit.

Will share you a meme you tagged him in and never truly understand the new technology.

Totally enjoys long walks and feeding ducks. Eats all of the bread.

Tries to speak to the animals at the zoo. (Wifey)

Incosolably weeps at nature programs. Very confused when you try to explain that nature has to take it's course for them to film.

First thought upon seeing CGI animals dancing and talking : "IT'S A DRUID!"

Votes Green Party.

Lae'zel

Lae'zel struggles the most to integrate into modern society.

She takes up some form of fighting WWE and does not understand why the fighters don't actually hurt each other.

She complains about this after making absolute bank of course. "Ch'k! These istik talk about fighting for glory - Yet they simply roughhouse for pitiful coin." "Yeah, but look at how famous you are, Lae'zel..." Rollin', rollin', all my bitches rollin'.

Hates ood in Doctor Who for obvious reasons. "Tsk'va, ghaik!"

Wifey came up with 'Bae'zel'.

Karlach

Believes stupid spam emails you have to send onto others. (Wifey thought of this)

Shares that post of the missing dog on the other side of the world who was found 3 years ago.

Discovers TikTok, only shares animal videos and smashes TikTok dances.

Discovers aircon. 🥺

Discovers hot wing challenges... Excels at said hot wing challenges. and collects all the t shirts for winning food challenges.

Shadowheart

Posts things on Facebook like 'Shar/Selune keeps me in check. Like, share and comment 'Praise be to Shar/Selune' if she keeps you in check." Definitely gets flamed by the others.

Ends up with cute hobbies like paper quilling and crafts. Makes things for you. "You've really improved your crochet, Shadowheart! What is this one called?" Gives him a simple name like Bob or Clyde and puts him with the rest, cramming the mantle with them.

[sunnie-angel]

hi sun!! sorry i’m late but i’m so excited to celebrate the new milestone with you <3 could i request apple picking + soup?

love you and here’s to many more!!

hello ro my love, of course you can. from one sick person to another i am sending you all the fluff and warm soup you can stomach 💕

the very second you start feeling a little under the weather, jason's dragging out the big heavy bottomed stock pot from where it lives under the kitchen sink

he waves away all of your protests and offers to help, just keeps on chopping ingredients. he tells you your only job is to rest and get better and you're not going to do that by hovering over his soup

jason realizes he's out of fresh herbs only after the vegetables and dried spices have gone in. he hooks the kiss the cook apron around your neck, tells you to keep an eye on it for him, then kisses your forehead before dashing out.

he must break about a hundred traffic laws going to the store but he's back so quickly you barely have time to miss him. jason lets you keep the apron but still won't let you do much more than watch.

jason feeds you little spoonfuls as he cooks, asking if that was too much of this or that, or if you'd like more salt. it's hard to give an opinion because it all tastes good (and with a stuffed up nose it's hard to taste any difference)

when it's finally ready to simmer for a bit, jason does all the clean up by himself. shoos you off to the couch to wait and brings an extra throw blanket with him when he joins you. snuggles up as the warm scent of cooking fills the air and queues up your favourite comfort movie.

you're half asleep by the time the credits roll, but jason gently shakes you awake anyway and presses a bowl of warm, fragrant soup into your hands. he coaxes you into eating it, and shyly you ask for more.

jason's always happy to take requests but he's got a few tried and true recipes he relies on. comforting avgolemono, rich oxtail soup, a well spiced mulligatawny.

you can request more head canons as part of sunnie’s soft autumn

[jhoneybees]

I love your writing and the effort you put into it, and I was wondering if you'd be willing to share one shot of (Any year) Elvis with a Mexican reader. Specifically, one of him and his mama being invited to a party (birthday, reunion, or any type of party with family). This would be the first time Elvis gets to meet the readers. 

Also, I just genuinely think Gladys would enjoy the little chisme that goes on in the kitchen as the grandma's and tías cook.  Just a bunch of wholesome fluff!

Oh thank you! Yes I'm willing to share! This one was quite a challenge to do because I know nothing about Mexicans so please forgive me if I used the wrong Spanish words and this is more of a blurb so...please forgive me on that too😭

Fiesta

Characters: 50s!Elvis X Mexican!reader

Warnings/triggers: Probably nothing!

Author's note: Pétalo means petal, Tía means aunty, Tío means uncle, Sobrina means niece, Sobrino means nephew, Hermana means sister, Hijo means son, Feliz Cumpleaños means Happy birthday 🤧

_____________________________________________

Elvis has always been so polite and caring towards your family and when you first introduced him to your parents in ‘56 he instantly became the favourite. Out of all your brothers and sisters’ partners, Elvis won the spot of definite future son in law.

Your parents absolutely adore him, it’s not because he’s the upcoming celebrity but because of how well he treats you. Elvis would pick you up from your house for dates with a massive bouquet of flowers in his hand every single time and as much as you love the gifts, you tried to tell him to not spend so much on you but he kept insisting. He just loves watching you and your parents' reaction to the expensive things he would give you. Flowers, jewellery, clothes, anything.

Elvis would never forget to give your mamá something either, no, no, no, he’d give her the most beautiful things which you thought your papá would feel somewhat jealous of but no, he absolutely loves it!

Today is one of those days, Elvis has a lovely gift and he and his mama are dressed up to attend your mamá’s birthday party.

Your parents haven’t met Elvis’ parents yet and you weren’t going to lie, you’re a little nervous. Your family is very loving and welcoming when it comes to new members and Elvis’ parents are wonderful but you just can’t help it.

What if it’s not like that at all when he arrives?

“That must be your boyfriend!” Your aunty gasps in delight at the sound of the front door bell, you bite your bottom lip preparing yourself for some sort of disaster as you put down a plate of Chilaquiles.

“Quickly, you have to come and introduce us!” stumbling a little when your aunty drags you out of the kitchen into the living room. “Todas! Y/n’s boyfriend’s here!” She shouts, calling all the tías, tíos, sobrinas and sobrinos from all corners of the house. Holding onto your arm tightly with an excited smile on her face as your papá opens the front door.

“Hello.” Elvis grins, leaning to one side to peek inside of the house as your cousins scrabble around you to see who’s arrived.

“Ah! Pétalo, he’s handsome!” Your other aunty cheers.

Then in a blink, all of your family usher Elvis and his mama inside, the tios happily shaking hands and the tias greeting and complimenting Gladys. Your heart smiles at the delighted cheers and laughs.

“Hermana, look how tall he is! He must be really strong.”

“Could easily lift two of us up onto his shoulders!” The tias giggle.

“He reminds me of my late husband!”

“How could you think that? Your late husband wasn’t this handsome.”

“What do you mean? He was american!”

“Hermana, how long have you been living in America? 20 years? Not all Americans look like that!” The others argue.

You groan in embarrassment, hiding your face in your hands at how your aunties are all over Elvis and Gladys.

“Todas! Todas! You’re going to scare them if you keep latching onto them like that!” Your mamá clicks her tongue with an amused smile on her face. Walking calmly through the sea of people to gasp and squeal seeing Gladys. “Hello, you must be Gladys!” Excitedly grabbing her hands and admiring her hair and skin. “Oh mi, you’re beautiful!”

Gladys smiles shyly, thanking your mother politely before her eyes turn to look at Elvis. “Oh, my hijo!”

You smile gently, watching Elvis chuckle and laugh as he bends down to hug. “Hello mamá.” He replies, carefully putting a nicely wrapped up jewellery box in her hands, grinning at how her eyes soften. “Feliz cumpleaños to the birthday girl.”

You’re quite surprised how well Elvis pronounced happy birthday in spanish, you would often teach him a few words whenever he wants to impress your parents.

“Aww my son…Come! Come! I made Camote, your favourite!”

Elvis nods with a laugh and with a delicate push, he says to take his mama to the kitchen and show her.

“Hi baby.” He turns to you, his eyes sparkling with joy at the sight of you. Slowly sliding his arms around your waist to be closer to you and seeing out of the corner of his eye, he sees your cousins watch with open mouths and he smirks, suddenly attacks your neck with playful kisses and growls.

“Ai! Elvis! Stop that!” You gasp in a hushed tone, hearing the little kids snicker. You start to laugh too, pushing him away you shake your head in disbelief. Kissing him a little when he hums for one you scrunch your nose at the youngest ones watching. “All of you, go away. This is adult stuff.”

“Why?”

“Because I said so!”

“OooOoo Pétalo’s going to give her boyfriend kisses!” One jokes with a cute giggle.

“Go!” You order again and this time they all begin to pile out.

“How’s my baby, hm?” Elvis asks with a cheeky deep voice, his hands sliding up your waist to the sides of your breasts. Chuckling as you rest your arms around his neck.

“Good, how was your trip here?”

“It was good-”

“Lunch is ready, lovebirds! Come and eat before it’s all gone!” Your Tía calls making both of you laugh.

“Yes, Tía!” Elvis answers back with a big smile.

You really do wish Elvis would become your family's son in law, he's perfect to you.

“C’mon, Pétalo. Let's go.”

[fanaticsnail]

Hey Snail, I was curious. Who's your favorite OP character? I always assumed it was Law and I'm not exactly sure why?? Hope you're feeling ok today! :)

I'm not stressed about this question at all. Nuh uh. Who me? No way. There are so many ways I can answer this and I'm just screaming.

The short answer:

Rosinante Corazon / Heat are tied for an equal first. (There are more, but these two stuck out this morning)

The long, lord of the rings extended edition unstoppable marathon answer:

I love the complexities of Law as a character, which is primarily why I made my original character a Heart Pirate. He's just a little shit, and watching Dressrosa, and even in Sabaody when I first met him as a character, he just seems like the right amount of serious mixed with fun that I love. Law is a Wednesday Adams to Tobiuo's Pugsley or Enid - just friends that would die for one another. He needed her, I think. Their friendship is weapon (Tobiuo) x wielder (Law) and she is more loyal to him than he probably knows. This is likely why you assumed he was my favourite, which he is up there and I love writing for him. The heart pirates too. I should write for Jean Bart one day - love that man.

Then there are the Kid Pirates. I love these guys. A crew of over thirty, surviving in a lawless upbringing, their undying loyalty to their feral captain, the really cool devil fruit power - and there's Heat. There is no explanation for his powers other than he has them. It's not a devil fruit, it's just something he can do. Sullen and sunken features, scarred lips, the fact he is a little kinder than the majority of them - and that he was a rival gang leader who chose to serve Kid to help him raise retribution for his beloved Victoria. I love the rapport, the ship design, the silliness between them and the other two Supanovas - they just make me really happy.

And then there's the tall, undercover marine, spy, double agent, silent, lanky, painted, clown-man in a burgundy hat. Between Rosinante and Doflamingo, it's hard to choose who I love more. I adore Doflamingo as an enemy. His rich past and complex history makes me all heart-clenched because I see so much pain in such a small person. Everything was ripped away from him, so he clawed tooth and nail to get back what he believed was rightfully taken.

But Rosinante had the same past. He could've gone with Doflamingo back then, but he didn't. He could've chosen a life of cruelty to get back on the people who wronged him, but he didn't. He could've chosen to live out a simple life as a civilian fisherman if he wanted, but he didn't. He became a marine, hellbent on ensuring his brother didn't get too out of hand and to take down criminal empires from the inside. And Law changed so much for him. In Doflamingo, he saw death. In a poor, sickly child on the same path as his brother - he saw a second chance to refute the repetition of history. I love him as a character, and he is just gorgeous.

Hoboy, wasn't that a long answer.

I could've gone longer and longer, but I decided to stop myself. These are all just my opinions and personal analysis of the characters. I love them all - but these are ethe two that roll in my head like two stones in the bottom of a sock.

I love this question, thank you so much, Merry. I adore you 🖤🖤🖤. And I am doing wonderfully - just chipping away rather slowly at fics lately due to the season of gift giving being upon us. That, and the chicks are yet to hatch and I'm getting all giddy at baby chickens at Christmas.

[doctor-dusk]

𝐬𝐡𝐞'𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐦𝐬 | 𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐱 𝐭.

when alex (early sias era - MY FAVOURITE BOY) meets you and accidentally falls in love with you.

warnings: none, actually. most angst and fluff, light smut - fingering (f receiving) and piv - but very light.

word count: 4.1k

coming out of limbo to possibly get back to it after posting this. i wrote it while i was bored and melancholic during my criminal procedure law class, so... yeah, enjoy :)

"and if all people were like rain, i would be drizzle. and she, a thunderstorm."

there was something about her as mysterious as an unsolved case. something in her gaze, in the way she spoke, or in the way she walked. something that left alex thinking for hours on end, even though he never came up with an answer that would concretely explain why he felt like a puppet on a string when it came to her. 

yes, there was something. 

something he couldn't shake, as if it were something that stuck in his teeth and wouldn't let him be still for long. something that started a little over three months ago, when the last thing he wanted was to get involved with someone at that moment, after a somewhat turbulent breakup. 

but, it was somewhat impossible when he saw her entering the bar on that exceptionally rainy tuesday night. the white knee-length dress along with the brown leather jacket over her shoulders never seemed to make much sense to alex until he saw this combination on her. the icing on the cake were definitely the motorcycle boots that wrapped around her feet all the way to the end of her calves, even though the place was hot at that moment. or was it just him who was feeling that his drink was warming him from the inside out.

turner is suspected of saying that he watched all of her actions, from sitting on a chair at a table for two and ordering a beer and fries as a side dish to seeing her take a book out of her bag to read.

"The Prince", by Machiavelli.

you might ask yourself: who the hell would go to a crowded bar with loud music to read a book?

and he answers: her.

he wanted to get her attention somehow, and perhaps the worst and most cliché of all was to buy her another beer and ask the waiter to bring it to her. his heart was beating hard against his chest, especially when the waiter served her the beer, exchanging a few words that made her look at alex, analyzing him from top to bottom. he wanted to say that he didn't feel nervous with that look, but he would certainly be lying.

as he told himself, there was something about her that made him feel more foolish than usual. but even though he felt that way, he didn't let the opportunity to sit in the chair in front of her pass him by. that night, he discovered three things about her: that when she felt embarrassed, she pretended to scratch her nose so she could look away; that she certainly left him subtly and quickly enchanted; and last but not least, her name. 

and since then, whenever alex was in town, he felt that strange need to be with her even though he had only known her for so little time. for many days he tried to occupy his mind with other things that seemed more important, but he soon accepted the fact that he couldn't stop thinking about the girl with the captivating eyes and radiant smile. 

and when he wasn't in his hotel room or in a pub with his friends after a concert, alex preferred to spend his nights listening to her recite some random poems in a restaurant or any other quiet place, or else, getting lost in the ease of her body in the middle of the bed in her bedroom, in the apartment where she lived alone. 

she claimed to be a normal person like any other, but alex was far from believing that. he knew that she liked to listen to david bowie when she was studying; that she always puts on her socks before her pants, without exception; that she prefers to read — or pretend to be reading — when everyone around her is talking about subjects she has no interest in, or when she doesn't have a book nearby, she just gives a weak smile so she doesn't have to give her opinion on the subject; that her favorite game is donkey kong country, and she's already finished it four times; that she likes to wear clothes whose colors define her mood for the day.

but as much as alex knew all of this, he still thought there was so much more to know about her. as if she were an addictive book, and with each page turned there would be a different plot twist to surprise him. and even though alex didn't read that often, ever since he met her, he'd become the most assiduous of readers.

and now, after a private show at a pub, alex could barely contain himself with the idea of ​​seeing her after a few weeks away. he texted her during a break just to see if she had any plans after 10pm. even though he knew she knew he was in town, alex wanted to make sure he could see her, even if it was just for a few minutes.

she didn't answer him right away, even after seeing the message. he had a strange feeling, but he let it go when she replied that she would be available to meet him. his heart raced again when he saw her entering the bar. in the same bar where he had met her, and ironically wearing the same motorcycle boots that had caught his attention so much, along with a gray flared dress. 

he hurried when he saw her sitting in the same chair at the same table as always, but unlike the other meetings they had had, she seemed more distant, her eyes were empty and didn't narrow their gaze on him for long, even after she had noticed him walking towards her. 

"hey, love. how are you?" alex asked, his overly worried expression went unnoticed by her, who was more focused on looking at the window just so she wouldn't have to look at him. 

"i'm fine, how was the show?" she replied, looking at him briefly and giving alex a glimpse of the teary, red eyes of someone who was about to cry or who had cried a lot before that. maybe both.

turner felt a pang on his chest. he felt bad for seeing her like that, and he didn't understand why he was like that for someone he barely knew. i mean, you couldn't catch feelings for some... hookup. could you?

‘’c’mon, you're not okay, what happened? maybe i can help-’’ alex said, completely compassionate with the situation that he didn't know how it had started, but wanted to help put an end to it.

‘’forget it, alex. i have a bit of a headache, can we get out of here?’’ she interrupted him abruptly. 

alex didn't reply, just followed her outside the pub.

after a few minutes, they were in the hotel room where turner would be staying that night before returning to los angeles. the dimly lit room seemed to become warmer when she took off her boots to lie down on the soft mattress and scented sheets of the bed.

alex lay down next to her, the silence was comfortable and just the sound of their breathing was enough to bring some peace to both of them. but alex knew that she was the master of replacing peace and quiet with something that made his heart beat faster and his blood run faster through his veins, so he wasn't surprised when her lips touched his in a calm kiss, which became urgent at a speed he didn't even notice. it was like a race car, able to go from 0 km/h to 100 km/h in 3.2 seconds. and alex liked that adrenaline.

turner felt submerged in the sensations, the touches, the sounds and the looks under the incandescent light of the lamp. he felt her calm breath beating against his ear when she kissed him on the cheek, a warm and tender kiss that seemed simple, but that left alex in a state of restlessness he had never imagined.

"hmm, i'm in love with the smell of your shampoo."  she muttered, running her fingers over turner's shirt-covered back, still giving him a huge shiver.

he had been thinking about her and what they had for a while. and adding all the things he felt when she was around and that she was doing an endless loop in his mind, he was almost certain that he was in love with her.

"just the smell of my shampoo?" he asked, pulling his face away to look at her, to appreciate her red face and the slight curve her lips made to sketch a smile.

at that moment, all he wanted to hear was "and i'm in love with you too".

she laughed, answering him with another kiss while her anxious hands massaged the warm skin of alex's back under his shirt, and soon the piece was on the bedroom floor. the shivers were increasingly uncontrollable as she struggled against the belt of his pants, and as much as alex knew he was completely submissive to her, he didn't want to completely lose control. 

he took her hands away just as she was starting to pull down his pants, pinning them above her head and holding them there firmly with his hand, and his other free hand groped her burning flesh in the region of her thighs, trying to get rid of the underwear she was wearing.

turner used to think that he was only able to achieve pleasure when he was completely buried to the brim inside someone, but with her, just a single touch or a finger invading her insides could drive him crazy. 

and not only that. 

he already felt satisfied seeing her face contorted in an expression of pure ecstasy; her eyes closed tightly; her mouth half-open that did not contain a delightful sigh that was soon stopped when she caught her lip with her teeth; her hands pressing the skin on the back of his neck and arm; and lastly, the smile she showed when her eyes opened and met his.

fuck, that made him crazier than he cared to admit.

he would never get tired of watching her whenever he had the chance, he wanted to do it forever every moment he was with her, even if she wasn't looking directly at him. he wanted to look at her when she was drinking coffee and complaining that it was too hot, when she was reading and making a face like she didn't understand what was happening, when she was watching the sky through the window and asking for it to rain so she wouldn't have to go to college. 

he pulled her in for another needy kiss, feeling her legs lock around his waist like an unbreakable lock. alex pushed his body back, standing up only to press her body against the cold wall of that hotel suite, supporting her with his hands on the lower part of her thighs. 

and at that moment, he couldn't stop looking at her when he replaced his glistening fingers with his aching length, feeling all the nerve endings in his body active. the flammable desire was capable of burning them both completely, and for a few moments silence reigned as he buried himself completely inside her, his heartbeat was deceitful and showed how euphoric he was, resulting in a voracious flow of blood under his skin. he felt her wrap herself around him, and hugging her was like wrapping herself in an electrified concertina, and oddly enough, that didn't sound bad to him at all. 

‘’god, you feel so good. like always.’’ he praised her with a whisper, not caring about receiving a compliment back. when they were like this, at that moment, he became completely selfish with himself.

she wrapped herself around him to the last inch, gasping against his mouth when she felt a slight tingling in her lower abdomen, and another when he lifted her a few inches just to pull out a little and penetrate her again, the moans in his ear excited him more and more.

his hands knew exactly where to touch and how to touch, caressing that shivering skin, and as the intonation of her moans changed, alex knew she was very close. 

‘’al, i’m close, so close…’’ 

‘’i know, baby.’’ he cooed, kissing right below her ear, shivering at the feeling of her clenching around him.

and soon, when he felt her skin almost burning, she let herself melt against him, her last moan likened to a thunderclap that could not be ignored and was particularly pleasurable to hear. he couldn’t help but follow her suit, giving in to the pleasure of yet another climax with her.

the aftermath was embraced by the stillness and the faint trace of smoke from the cigarette that alex was smoking. he knew that she did not smoke, so he made a point of smoking far away, preferably near the window so as not to let the room be filled with that vaporous curtain of nicotine and other substances.

soon, he heard her say in the background that she was hungry, and like any fool, alex would give her whatever she wanted.

alex didn't know where he was going, but as long as he was with her, he didn't care about having a specific destination to go to. the wind blowing against his face and her laughter muffled by the helmet invading his ear gave him a strange thrill and impulse to let the vehicle's speedometer increase, letting the asphalt run under the motorcycle's tires as if they were in a marathon where the only competitor was the idea of ​​being separated at some point. 

they stopped at a 24-hour diner, they weren't that far from the city, but not that close. the only establishments nearby were gas stations and 3-star motels. but not that Alex was paying attention to that, quite the opposite. he was too busy watching her as she took a last sip of her soda, her eyes were distant again and alex would really like to know what was going on in that extraordinary mind. 

"what's wrong?" she asked without looking at him, the cracking sound of the can being crushed didn't break turner's concentration as he thought about how she knew he was looking at her. 

‘’just looking at you. is that some kind of crime?’’ he joked, watching her shake her head and lean a little on the motorcycle's tank, brushing a few loose strands of hair from her face in the wind.

‘’nope. i just wonder what has you so fascinated that you can't blink.’’ she replied, tilting her head to the side and staring at him. alex could easily get lost in those fascinating eyes if he wasn't in disbelief at her question.

‘’ah, i dunno... maybe everything. does that answer your question?’’ alex says, she makes a slight grimace as if she's not completely convinced. alex adjusts his posture, not putting all his weight on the motorcycle's seat so he can turn completely to face her. ‘’you are a fascinating creature.’’

‘’define 'fascinating', turner.’’ she replied, seeing alex throw his head back and look up at the sky, make a noise with his mouth. he loved the way she left him speechless with simple questions, and although he is capable of writing several songs with the deepest meanings, he wouldn't know how to define that word applied to her.

in fact, he wouldn't know how to define her. maybe no word or adjective would be able to define that woman. before alex could think of an answer that was even remotely capable of convincing her, she got off the motorcycle, taking two steps to face turner. her body now threatened to press his against the upholstered leather seat and he felt her leg slipping between his, and even under his jeans, he couldn't help but feel a voracious shiver. 

"adjective to define something charming that leaves you exaggeratedly seduced or attracted." she said, an amused smile appearing on her lips when she realized that alex was too close and most likely hadn't paid attention to what she said. and he was certainly paying attention in parts, since he really felt tempted to interrupt her just to steal a kiss. "is that what you think of me, turner?" 

‘’to be honest, i think a lot about you, miss.’’ alex wet his lips with his tongue, regaining some of his sanity to answer her without taking too long. she raised her eyebrows, another open and comical smile playing on her lips.

“oh, really? tell me more.” she prompted him, her free fingers curling around the belt loops of his jeans and he felt his breathing heavy. maybe she didn’t know that being so close like that left him completely disoriented, her eyes fixed so intently on his easily made him forget even his own name. he felt her hand invade his back pocket, groping until she managed to steal a menthol candy.

“what can i say? you’re… inexplicable.” alex trailed off, since he was too hypnotized by the scene of her opening the package and placing the candy on her tongue, making a popping noise as she closed her mouth. turner felt the night breeze blow against his face, as well as a few fluttering strands of her hair, which she tried to calm down by running a hand over her head. ‘’like an open sea, intensity and calm.’’

“how can i be intensity and calm, alex?” she asked curiously, leaving alex once again at a loss for words. In his mind, she was like a mix of feelings, like that new drink you try and suddenly it becomes your favorite in the whole world; like that song you discover and get addicted to, listening to it on repeat until you get sick of it, even though he knows it's impossible to get sick of it.

‘’it was like i said, it's inexplicable.” he replied, feeling his face burn with the touch of her hand on his forehead to brush away a few strands of his hair, still paying attention to his every word, as if she were a teacher giving an oral test to an intelligent but shy student. ‘’you ask too many questions. like a fusion of a four year old and a philosopher.’’ he joked, making her crack a smile.

‘’and what would you be in the middle of all this?’' she asked, the same hand that was on his forehead went down to the back of his neck, her index finger sliding up and down and finally tangling in a lock of his dark hair. alex relaxed his shoulders, letting out a brief sigh that was lost in the vague environment lit only by the street lamp.

“you tell me.” he said, feeling her hand briefly leave him only to rest on the tense muscles of his thighs covered by jeans. she closed her eyes, pressing her lips together in a moment of reflection, and alex wanted to be trapped in her deep devotion forever.

“taking into perspective what you said about the open sea… you would be a sailor. a brave and solitary sailor amidst the sinuosity of the water. brave, by the way.” she recited, gesturing serenely, simulating the waves of the sea as the wind hit her body. alex smiled, not letting the questioning expression on his face hide, which she didn't miss. "brave because at any moment your boat could capsize and you could drown."

alex didn't need any more words to understand that. he knew that things could change overnight, he knew that one day a simple and brief encounter between the two of them could be the last. he didn't like to think about the possibility, but he also couldn't let it go. in fact, he didn't want them to have one last encounter.

 "what if i want to drown?" alex asked, almost letting the words hang in the air. she turned her eyes to him. for the first time, she wasn't sure what to answer him. but that soon passed, and what she offered in return was a shy smile as she approached him again.

 "there won't be anyone to save you, alex." she whispered as if she were telling a secret, her mouth was so close that he could almost feel the texture of her sweet lips, but all he felt was her refreshing breath hitting his face with a brief, icy and aromatic touch.

“it’s not like i care about being saved.” he whispered back in the same tone, feeling her vibrant eyes hover over him, and deep down she admired the idea that he didn’t care about the fact that they might not work out, although she felt a little sorry. she really liked him.

“aren’t you afraid of the chaos that an open sea can bring?” she asked, and before he could answer, she kissed him sweetly, as if nothing else there mattered, not even the answer turner was about to give.

the kiss tasted like melancholy and mint, alex felt inert in the middle of a crossfire, but her arms around him and her hands bringing him closer when he felt she was a little far away gave him the feeling of being completely taken and tamed, just like the night does with the day. in a last act, his tongue snakes inside her mouth boldly just to take the candy, feeling her grunt between the kiss before feeling her smile against his mouth.

‘’a calm sea never make a good sailor. and besides, everyone needs a dose of chaos.’’ alex replied, letting the candy run inside his mouth to refresh each area. she smiled, licking her lips and closing her fist around the empty soda can she had drunk and left resting on the handlebars of the motorcycle to throw in the trash later. 

she walked away, alex missed the warmth of her body, but was content to watch her walk away, the wind always making a point of making its presence felt and adjusting her dress, giving her serenity with each step as her boots made an almost rhythmic noise on the pavement.

‘’you need to have a little chaos inside you to give light to a sparkling star.’’ she recited in a poetic tone, loud enough for alex to hear and smile as she threw the aluminum can into the trash can attached to the post.

‘’nietzsche,’’ he thought. ‘’she’s really extraordinary.’’ 

the first lightning flashed across the dark sky long enough to make them both look up. soon, she turned to admire the desert horizon, the night sky being illuminated by the flash of lightning hidden by dense clouds in different spots. she didn't notice that alex was right behind her, since he had gotten off the motorcycle and taken silent steps just to appreciate not only her, but also the scenery of a heavy rain on its way, rain of the kind that makes you take shelter somewhere until it passes completely and makes you think about how powerful nature is and how small human beings are compared to it. 

she felt alex's hand pass by her waist, a fleeting shiver when she felt him use two fingers of his free hand to move away the handful of strands of hair that were over her left shoulder, feeling the slight pressure of his lips on the spot. she felt the first drop of water splash on her forehead, opening her eyes and turning to alex with a contemplative smile. 

"i hope this rain lasts until tomorrow." she laughed, reaching into his jacket pocket and stealing the motorcycle keys, making alex aware that she would want to ride on the way home, and he wouldn't be able to deny her. alex let out a laugh through his nose, again feeling her move away as she walked towards the motorcycle as the raindrops began to become more frequent.

alex turned around, just as she wanted that rain to last until the next day, he would also like to feel her body next to his when he woke up the next morning. he wondered if she would call him to come into her apartment as usual or if she would just say "see you later" along with a resentful kiss.

but he was convinced that she was like all the sensations that made him feel more and more alive. and he wanted to get wet to the last strand of his hair in the middle of that storm in the shape of a woman.

[ninetailedfoxmanchi]

Simon 'Ghost' Riley: How You Started Dating (and some little things about Ghost)

Warnings: mentions of cigarettes and smoking, references to PTSD, scars

A/N: Once again, a disclaimer: I base this on Ghost’s backstory according to the comic books as well as the video games but this is just my take so if you imagined him differently, that is totally valid!

NEW MASTERLIST

* * *

I think Simon would be attracted to someone outside his work; someone in a different profession, because he would see his team members more as family than partners

Besides, he keeps his private life separated from his work, so I don't think it's likely he would fall in love with a co-worker simply because of this 'mental barrier' of how he sees them

His girlfriend could be anything from nurse, veterinarian, café owner, teacher, academic to chef or artist. I don't think Ghost would find a romantic connection with someone working a similar job as him or something in law enforcement

You met in a café where he forgot his wallet on the counter and you were the customer waiting next-in-line who ran after him. Simon most definitely insisted to buy you coffee as a thanks (but in reality he was just taken aback by your looks because he found you very pretty) (full fic: Simon ‘Ghost’ Riley: How You Met)

You found it unusual why the bottom half of his face was hidden behind a mask but Simon was a stranger to you at that time so you didn't presume to ask

Because he is so shy and reserved at first, after asking you out for a few coffees, you presumed he was just very grateful and did not know when to stop showing it, or he just wanted to be friends. Your 'dates' were very pleasant but you found yourself doing most of the talking and learning very little of Simon

But when he walked you home that night, an angry car rushed by and Simon pushed you behind him, even though you were both standing on the pavement, as if a tank was coming at you not a car whooshing down the street

"Are you okay?" he asked and took your face into his calloused hands. The caring you saw in his eyes was not one of gratitude nor mere friendship-in-the-making. His heart was racing and his lips were parted and you could hardly imagine a man of his stature and career to be afraid of anything. But apparently, Simon was afraid of you getting hurt

Afterwards, Ghost walked you home and insisted you stay on the inner side of the pavement whilst he held your hand (this is something he did not insist on although his secure grip suggested otherwise)

You suddenly realized as you saw him so deep in thought that Simon was a man of few words but many actions

You smiled to yourself and squeezed his hand as you caressed your thumb across his. Simon woke from his thought, his eyes widened and just a glimpse of blush crept to his unshaven cheeks from behind the mask

Also some little things you would find out about Ghost; he does not like animals much (because of his father) but he does find cats and dogs very therapeutic and if he had the chance, he would adopt both (but he can't because he is away a lot because of work)

You also learned that Simon likes his coffee black with one sugar but he prefers tea

He is also an occasional smoker; it used to help with his anxiety but when he learns you're not a big fan of kissing smokers, Simon keeps his habit to a minimum

He likes Marlboro Reds because they're pretty strong but he also smoked Davidoff Classics for a while

Simon's favourite colours are earthy red (like terra cotta), sage green and pale dark blue

He is a very light sleeper; the smallest unnatural noise wakes him

Simon is also an early birth rather than a night owl; he likes to go to bed pretty early and also wakes up almost with the dawn - he likes quiet mornings with a cigarette and a cup of British tea; the only thing better, in Simon's opinion, is when you're there with him

Bonus: How I personally imagine what Ghost looks like

Simon has a mixture of brown and ginger hair although his beard is entirely the latter. I think his standard hairstyle is a military cut but when he is off duty, he lets it grow a bit longer

His cheeks are unshaven the majority of the time so that the scars are not as visible

Ghost's eyes are pale blue, grey sometimes, although they were nearly aquamarine when he was a baby

Also, I think Ghost has a bit of natural undereye circles which make him look perpetually tired

His left forearm is entirely covered in tattoos reaching even past his elbow. The images are mainly motives of warfare and military but deep down they're a representation of Simon's life

Obviously, Ghost is very tall (about 6'2 or 6'3) and muscular; also a bit of a big boy <3

[i2sunric]

specific things ricky would say and do to drive reader crazy? scenarios included too🙈

(I LITERALLY SAW A VIDEO ON PINTEREST ABOUT THE LAST POINT AND IT SCREAMED RICKY!/!/‘sehekbs)

shen ricky has many hobbies, some of them come from his rich history, like playing golf with his relative - the ones from his father’s side - during the weekend, or compulsive shopping, buying clothes and accessories he’ll wear once in a life time. some others are more humble, like painting or reading french books.

however, he must say his favourite one is teasing you. he just loves to see your cheeks tint with blush and how you become so flustered you can’t even form a grammatically correct sentence. he has many ways to do it, some particular ones are:

1. — pet names

ricky just loves to call you pet names, his favourite ones are ‘baby’ or ‘princess’ though sometimes ‘darling’ escapes his pretty lips as well. all of them usually are preceded by my, just to underline you belong to him. it would be good if he called you like that inside the comfortable walls of your house, however ricky called you princess even when you were ordering some food, or when you were at a family dinner with your soon in-laws. you, being so shy about it always blushed and lightly hit him, asking him to stop, only fuelling the cocky grin he had on his face “why are you so shy? aren’t you my pretty princess? my girl?” he says, receiving another hit from you

rest under cut !

2. — suggestive jokes

oh, ricky is not someone to initiate things, especially during daytime. he usually prefers fucking you right in a fancy hotel suite with only the lighting of a candle, or in the comfort of your bed. he also validates your feelings and would prefer if it was you to ask him to do it. however, ricky’s actions don’t match his words at all. it could be the most innocent moment, such as you looking at a shop window while you two are having a romantic walk until ricky’s hands place on your waist, holding you still while his head moves closer to your ear, whispering “your fingertips would look so gorgeous as i fuck you from behind while your pretty face is mouthing on this shop window.” making you gasp so loudly everyone turns around to you “ricky.” you would nag at him as he giggles softly “what baby? don’t you think the same?” he teases, hands still gripping on your waist, leaving small kisses on your neck before pulling away, looking so innocent.

3. — late evening make out sessions

the last but not least thing he does is drinking wine while wearing his black suit - a deadly combo for your heart -, the one he knows you love so much. he’d be sitting on the chair, inside his studio, waiting for you to check up on him after he worked the whole day, barely seeing your face. you knock softly on the door, a faint “baby?” from the other side of the door was just enough to make him smile “come in.” he says, manspreading on the chair, holding the glass of red wine with his bony and big hand. ricky eyes you up and down, noticing how you were only wearing a black leather jacket with a small skirt. too small for his likings.

“hi.” you smile, he places the wine down on the table and takes you by your leg, pulling you until you’re basically obligated to sit on his lap (not like you’re complaining), your legs resting on his other lap. he kisses you softly, asking how your day went and what you did. he caresses your thighs, pulling your dress down so you’re more covered, eyeing you with a nagging expression. his grip on your back is steady while his other hand wanders all over your body, feeling you. your lips connect, lips dancing together, like two calamities they can’t seem to be disconnected. ricky’s hand goes down to your thigh, gripping and leaving his fingers marks on it. your arms wrap around his neck, your teeth biting softly his bottom lip, making him groan. you two felt like a whole person. and so, the evening went on with swollen lips and small ‘i love you’s whispered, until he took you to bed and cuddled you until you both fell asleep.

[saurgaeee]

A love to live for

TW

Casey promised to stay, Alex had to let go.

“My dearest, Alexandra.

I wanted you to know that I’ve prayed for you. So if ever we didn’t end up together, I’d find you in our next life because you’re the only one I’d ever love this way. I know that. And if we end up together, I’d wish to find you in another life because one lifetime isn’t enough to give you the love that I have for you. This I promise you :p

Much love,

Casey <3”

———

Alexandra Cabot was never the one to back down, get surprised, or get caught off guard. But seeing the redhead face to face as soon as she walked into the precinct, to say that she’s taken aback was an understatement. Those intense gazes with a hint of mischief, something familiar yet so foreign; those pairs of eyes— she’d recognize them anywhere, any day.

———

2007

Whenever Alex would win a case, she’d celebrate it by coming home early, with her favourite takeout on one hand and a bottle of beer on the other. She doesn’t drink beer, but that’s how she celebrates it most of the time. Other times, she’d go to a bar to have a drink until she’s not sober enough to send an appropriate text message, and that’s when Olivia would come pick her up; tonight, is one of those nights.

Although different.

Alex saw people dancing, both on the dance floor and some on their seats. There are also groups of people who are singing their lungs out, and a couple of numbers of people who are making out, which she rolled her eyes at as she scoffs. Unbeknownst to her, someone not too far from her was watching her. Alex’s breath hitched as she met the gaze of the woman who’s been eyeing her. The woman’s red hair was in a neat ponytail. She has a playful smirk on the corner of her plump pinkish lips, a hint of amusement behind those green eyes, and a glass of beer in hand. The redhead raised her glass in her direction, and Alex had to blink twice because she thought she was hallucinating, but she wasn’t.

The redhead made her way towards Alex, initiating a conversation. She was hesitant, but she was too nice not to entertain. From their favourite beverage to their favourite subject in law school, Alex ended up enjoying every bit of it. And before she realized it, she’s letting herself be dragged by the redhead in one of the cubicles inside the washroom. The redhead pinned her to the wall, wrapping her slender fingers around her throat that made Alex moan.

“Casey.” Alex breathed; her eyes closed. The redhead halted, but the smirk never left her face. She studied the blonde’s face, her fingers around Alex’s neck tightening. Before Alex could say anything, the redhead’s soft, plump lips were already against her, nibbling on her bottom lip.

Alex didn’t know what had gotten into her or how it had happened, but she found herself inside the redhead’s bedroom, lying beside her, the redhead’s back facing her.

Her eyes wandered over her as she wondered, her mind wandering over the past. She was so conflicted. How she couldn’t bring her hand to caress the redhead’s hair or to trace her features, how the woman’s breathing was so even, and she was so peaceful in her sleep, or how her heart was not at peace with the presence of the redhead beside her. Tears beamed in her eyes as she inhaled deeply and held her breath, bringing her hands to at least try and feel the warmth of the woman sleeping next to her. Along with her sharp exhale came the tears falling. She couldn’t. This felt so wrong. She wasn’t Casey. She would never be her Casey.

Casey was a cuddler, and she did snore when sleeping, but Alex didn’t mind, never did. She loved watching her redhead in her sleep. Her little snores were like music to Alex’s ears, and as weird as it may sound, it’s what helped her fall asleep. But this woman beside her, she might have her Casey’s face, but she didn’t have her features. She felt ashamed, betraying Casey like that… betraying Casey at all.

Alex quickly gets up from bed. She picks up her clothes and dresses herself, getting out of the woman’s apartment as fast and as quietly as she could. What happened was a mistake. It was a lapse of judgement. She wanted to smack her head into something. Instead, she cursed herself.

Not caring about how she looked, she booked a cab and went home. Seeing Casey made her burst into tears. She sat down in front of her. Alex caresses Casey’s face, her fingers trembling.

“I’m sorry,” she sobbed. She bit her bottom lip, containing her sobs.

She didn’t get an answer. Alex shut her eyes tightly, wrapping her arms around herself. This time, she let it all out.

“I’m sorry. I miss you.” She sobbed, tightening her embrace.

She may look silly, crazy, even. Like someone who’s lost her mind, but she didn’t care. She hoped she’d get an answer, but she knew she never would. Even the most stupid person knew that one would never get a response talking to a tomb. And Alex wasn’t stupid, but she was grieving. She was hopeful. Call her delusional, but up until now, she still wished that this had all been a nightmare. She just wanted her Casey back. Why was that too much to ask?

She sighed, wiping her tears. She caressed Casey’s picture that was on the tomb once again, a faint smile on her face. “Don’t look at me that way,” she chuckled wryly, shaking her head. “I made a mistake… but it wouldn’t happen again.”

Alex stayed true to her words.

———

Present (July, 2008)

“Alex!” Elliot called, a file in his hand. That snapped Alex out of her thoughts.

The detective walked towards her, but before he could approach the blonde, she gestured to him, making her way out of the precinct. Her steps were quick. The echoes of her heels stuck to the redhead’s ears as she followed them with her gaze.

Alex has always been a fast walker, but Elliot’s steps were big, making it easier for him to catch up with the lawyer. Words were not needed; he guided Alex into an empty hallway where the attorney threw herself into his arms, biting her bottom lip as she silently let her tears fall. Just what she needed, Elliot knew.

The detective wrapped his arms around her. “It’s okay,” he consoled Alex, sighing. “I was… surprised myself.”

Alex distanced herself a little from Elliot, her lips parting slightly, wanting to say something but not a word could come out of her. She purged her lips, which was a wrong move because as soon as she did that, she started hyperventilating, which made Elliot panic.

Then he remembered, “Hey, Alex,” Elliot called, his voice gentle. “Try to take deep breaths, please.” He asked, reaching for the blonde’s hands, his thumbs gently caressing the back of them, soothing her. Just as exactly as what Casey had instructed him to do.

———

2003

“Hey—“ Olivia attempted to greet one of their ADAs but ended up getting up from her desk and following the woman instead because she was rushing towards one of their interrogation rooms.

“What happened?” Casey’s voice echoed through the room, her tight expression softening as soon as she spotted her girlfriend seated on a chair, fists clenching, chest heaving. She ran towards her, reaching for her hands to clasp them with hers.

“Lex?” She softly called, trying to meet the blonde’s gaze. “Baby,” she called again, her thumbs drawing small circles at the back of Alex’s hands in a gentle manner. She smiled softly when the blonde finally cocks her head to meet her gaze.

“Hi.” Casey greeted, a small, playful smile on her lips.

Alex sighed, her breath steadying, her hands no longer clenched into fists. “Hello,” she mumbled, resting her forehead on the crook of her girlfriend’s neck. Casey’s fingers automatically ran through Alex’s hair as she wrapped the blonde in a protective embrace with her other arm. She looked up, her gaze directed at the detectives.

“Water, please,” she asks. Liv was quick to oblige, leaving Elliot in the room with them. “How long?” She asks him.

“Almost an hour,” replied Elliot, shaking his head.

“It’s not their fault, Case.” Alex mumbles, sensing that her redhead is about to go at them.

Casey heaves a sigh. “What happened, hm?” She softly asks, fixing Alex’s eyeglasses. “Talk or no talk?”

Alex shakes her head, backing a little so she could look at Casey. Liv handed the cup of water for Alex to hydrate as soon as she came back.

“Thanks.” Casey muttered to Liv before handing the cup to the blonde, assisting her. “We’re going home, Lex. You need rest.”

Alex nods her head, “okay.” She stands up, looking at Elliot. “I’m sorry,” she apologized. The male detective nodded in response.

“I understand.”

“Thanks.” She uttered, shifting her gaze towards her girlfriend. “I’ll just get my things and we could go, Case.” She told her before making her way out of the interrogation room, a small smile on her face because of the way Casey’s smiling at her.

Casey stood up, following Alex, but before she completely exited the room, she halted. “El, Liv,” Casey turned to face them. “Alex. If ever I’m not here—“

“That sounds like you’re saying goodbye.” He interjected.

Casey rolled her eyes at that. “Please, listen. If I’m not here—“ she sighs as she sees the male detective shake his head, earning a laugh from Liv. “Fine.” She sighs again, shaking her head. “If I’m not available, maybe you could try and do this to calm her down. She may not listen to Elliot—“

“Hey—“ Elliot purses his lips when Casey glares at him.

Casey then glances at the female detective. “—she might listen to you, Liv.”

———

Present (2008)

“Alex likes small traces at the back of her hands; it helps calm her down whenever she starts losing control.” Are Casey’s exact words. Elliot kept it in mind; he knows it’d be beneficial. But out of all the possibilities and scenarios he could come up with, he never expected it to be for this. 

Casey was right; Alex wouldn’t listen to him; she never did. Not that she has to; there’s Olivia who can make her listen, and Casey whom she listens to. Alex never listened to him until now.

“Let’s get you home.”

Alex nods her head. “Casey,” she mumbles, wiping her tears.

“I know.” Elliot nods his head, too. “Let’s go.”

Once inside the car, Elliot turns the engine on, turning his head sideward towards Alex’s direction.

“Still don’t want to learn how to drive?” He asks.

Alex shakes her head, replying “never.”

“Alex—“

“Do you believe in reincarnation?” She asks, shifting the conversation.

Elliot chuckles. “I believe in the afterlife,”

The blonde nodded. “Casey believes in both.”

“What about you?” Elliot asks, starting to drive the car.

“If…” Alex puffed her cheeks before sighing, shaking her head. “I don’t believe in a lot of things. But if it means there’s a possibility of being with Casey again… is it too late to believe now?” She asks, looking at the detective.

“It’s never too late to believe,” replied Elliot, shaking his head. He stopped the engine.

“Flowers?”

Elliot smiled. “It’s been a while. I’d be quick.” He unbuckled his seatbelt and immediately hopped out of the car to go inside the flower shop.

Keeping his word, it didn’t take too long before he came back, placing the bouquet in the backseat, buckling his seatbelt again.

“Thank you.” Alex utters, glancing at the bouquet of aster and morning glory through the mirror, a small smile on her face.

The detective starts the engine, driving to their actual destination. “You don’t have to.”

“You were fond of Casey.”

Elliot chuckles. “Are you kidding me? She’s like a sibling I never had.”

Alex shakes her head, the small smile on her face never faltering. “She always gets on your nerves.”

“Just like how a sibling should be,” replied the detective, chuckling. “I know you’re surprised. She would be, too. But her leaving has affected the lives of more than you’d expected. She was a ball of sunshine to us all, in her own way.”

She nods her head, “that, she is,” agreeing.

“Elliot…”

“Yeah?” Once the engine was off, he turns his head to look at the blonde. He unbuckles his seatbelt.

Alex sighs, unbuckling her own. “What was her name?”

Elliot’s brows furrowed at that. Reaching for the bouquet, he answered “Amelia?”

She nods her head. “I can’t believe she looks like Casey.”

“Me neither,” he replied, getting out of the car, so did Alex.

Elliot places the bouquet in front of Casey’s grave as soon as they arrived, offering a little prayer with the sign of the cross. Alex sat beside him, her fingers automatically finding their way to the redhead’s picture, caressing it.

“I hope that the afterlife is real. Or that there’s another life. Or that multiverse really exists.”

The detective didn’t reply; instead, he gazed at Alex, encouraging the blonde to talk more.

“I wanted more with Casey, Elliot. I wanted more time, more memories, more days… I wanted a lifetime. What I wouldn’t give to have more with her than what was just given to us. I want her back.”

“Alex…”

“I’d always want her back, Elliot. I’d always hope for that.” Alex sighed, biting her bottom lip, her fingers still tracing Casey’s photograph.

“The first time I laid my eyes on her was also the time I told myself that she’s the person I’d marry. It felt weird because how the hell I was so certain about her, I didn’t even know her name. And she never even knew me. But I wasted no chance. She had to notice me. I have to be a part of her life. Looking back, I think I fully understood now. That maybe the reason why we never wasted a time was because that was all the time that we were only given. And fuck it, I wish it weren’t. I wish there’s more.”

“You know… between you and Casey, she seemed more like the type to be certain about you upon laying eyes on you,” uttered Elliot. “I mean, that woman was in so deep into you.” They both chuckled at that, the blonde shaking her head.

“Oh, if only you knew.” Alex replied, chuckling, her tears now all dried up, staining her cheeks.

———

April, 1996

“How was the pain? 1-10?”

Alex sighed, shaking her head. She massaged her temple, shutting her eyes tight, not at all bothering to give her friend a reply.

“Alexandra, don’t ignore me. I have nowhere else to be. I’d just keep bothering you that’ll aggravate your migraine if you wouldn’t talk to me. You know me.”

The blonde sighed once again, looking up at her friend this time. “You’re here to scold me, not to talk to me. That’s two different things.”

Her friend, Sam, had just raised her brow. “I told you to take a rest last night. You didn’t sleep.”

“I slept.” Alex interjected.

“For two hours. That’s not how you should sleep.”

Alex rolled her eyes. “Sam, shut it. The medication is starting to kick in, but your scolding would make it ineffective.”

Sam shook her head, her gaze never leaving Alex, who had her eyes shut tight again as she massaged her temple.

Not even half an hour later, they heard voices coming from two people, one of them dominating the four corners of the room.

“I said I’m fine! It’s just a sprain, it’s not like I’m dying!” The person complained, slumping in one of the chairs.

“And a scrape on your knee. Not to mention that it’s bleeding a lot and you can’t even walk properly because of the sprain. Just sit this one out, rest.” The guy replied.

“Now you’re being a real pain in my ass, Ben!” Replied the woman, half-shouting.

“Would you guys tone it down? My friend here needs some peace.” Sam politely asked.

“I’m sorry,” replied the woman. “We’re just leaving.” She tried to get up, only to end up slumping back, groaning.

“Hah. I told you, have it treated.” Ben uttered, carefully putting his friend’s sprained leg on an empty chair to elevate it, his voice now quieter.

“Shut up!” The woman hissed, just enough to make Alex pissed.

The blonde shut her eyes tight before opening them, her brows furrowed. She quipped her head, ready to snap at the owner of the loud voice.

Casey Novak. Alex knew her; she had seen her play softball once.

“Here, you might want to put this on the scrape on your knee and might as well apply some pressure to it to stop the bleed.” Alex uttered instead, handing Casey her handkerchief, her voice soft. “It’s clean.”

Casey smiled softly at Alex as she accepted the handkerchief. “Thanks,” she uttered, pressing it on her bleeding knee. “I’m sorry for being loud. I’d keep my mouth shut.”

Alex let out a small chuckle. “It’s fine. Thanks, though. I really need it. Migraine.”

“Ouch,” Casey winced, gesturing that she was zipping her lips closed. That made Alex laugh, shaking her head.

Alex realized four things that day: Casey Novak is funny, her voice couldn’t be sexier, and that she’s beautiful even in close proximity. The last one, well, her heart was beating fast. She’s used to it beating so fast whenever she’s anxious.

What Alex didn’t know was the fact that her heart could beat fast and feel at ease at the same time.

May, 1996

Alex meant every word she said. And when she said something, she made sure it happened. She doesn’t believe in fate, in lifting it all up to Someone, or that if you’d do good, the universe will have its way to pay you a good karma. If she wants something, she works hard to get it, no matter what— that’s her mentality.

She wants Casey, and she’d get her. One way or another. Even if it means settling for being just her friend.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Casey grinned as she settled herself in front of the blonde.

She loves dimples, especially Casey’s.

Alex let out a soft chuckle. “Nah, you just finished class?”

The redhead shook her head. “Nope,” she replied, making a popping sound on the ‘p’, placing a cup made of cupboard in front of Alex. “I brought you coffee.”

Alex took it back, she’d like to rethink some of her words.

“Thank you,” she smiled softly. “I’ll pay you.”

“Oh, no. You don’t have to. My treat.” Casey smiled, revealing how deep her dimples are.

Alex’s heart swelled at that.

“Wow, how sweet of you.”

“That’s what friends are for.” Casey winked.

She didn’t want to be just Casey’s friend.

June, 1996

Alex grew up always getting the things she wanted. She never needed to plead, to ask, not even bat an eyelash to get them. Call it privilege, but it’s not her fault she could get everything she desires.

But Casey Novak…

She never thought she’d ever do this, well, she’s still quite young, nonetheless, her mind was set that she’s never going to do this. Screw all of that, she thought.

She’s going to pursue the redhead whose nose is buried in the criminal law book, seated across from her.

“Ugh!” Casey grunts, pressing her forehead against the book pages.

“Don’t beat yourself up too much. Take a rest, Case.”

Casey tilts her head, her temple now the one pressed against the pages. “That’s reach coming from you,” she replied, chuckling lightly, her dimples showing off.

Alex bites her bottom lip, rolling her eyes as she looks away.

The redhead’s eyes widen at that. She shifts, sitting up straight.

“It was a joke.”

Alex snaps from her thoughts, quickly meeting Casey’s gaze. “What?” She asks, confused and surprised.

“Oh.” Casey chews on her bottom lip, sighing. “I thought I offended you.”

“What— no.”

“Well, you rolled your eyes,” Casey huffs, chuckling. “I’m sorry.”

Alex knows how to laugh, a soft chuckle, with her hand covering her mouth as she does so. Ever the poise one, miss prim and proper, as her friends had teased her. She’s never laughed so hard in her life.

“Alex!” Casey exclaimed, her tone a whisper. “Not so loud, we’re going to get kicked out of here.”

The blonde didn’t realize she was loud, or that she was laughing. She just knows she’s never felt this carefree.

Casey smiled with her lips pursed. Alex leaped and took the risk.

July, 1996

The blonde sips from her cup of coffee, pretending to look interested in what Casey is saying. She’s glad the younger hasn’t noticed it… yet.

They’re in a coffee shop, celebrating the end of their school term. The redhead is talking about someone, a guy. And she doesn’t like every single bit of it. A bar would’ve been nice, having a few drinks. But the younger prefers the coffee shop more. It’s less crowded.

Alex doesn’t like too crowded places.

But she could really use a drink right now, because the younger is smiling as she keeps talking about some guy. Alex sighs in defeat, genuinely trying to listen to her.

Casey can break her heart, and she’d willingly let her.

“He’s cute, Lex. And so sweet.” Casey continued, the smile never leaving her face. “And so thoughtful.”

She can be thoughtful, she can be all of that, and more. Alex wants to say so badly but fights the urge so hard. She nods her head, a small smile on her lips.

“Sounds ideal,” she replied instead, trying so hard not to sound dry.

“Yeah,” Casey’s smile falters. “Alex..”

“I’m fine. Just exhausted.”

“Exhausted that you want to go home or exhausted that you want me to stop talking?”

She wants her to stop talking about someone who’s not relevant. Alex shakes her head.

Casey chuckles, reaching over to caress the top of Alex’s hand.

“Let’s go?”

Alex nods, letting the redhead fix their things, following her.

The redhead never, if not barely, talked about someone, especially so fondly. To see her like this, it’s a new sight for Alex. And she’s glad to be able to see this side of the younger woman, though she won’t deny it’s a bit hurtful, too. Alex wasn’t sure what made her sad: was it the way the redhead talked about a guy, or that Casey doesn’t swing her way? Would it hurt less if Casey’s telling stories about a girl? Casey Novak is straight, that, she’s pretty much sure about.

But straight girls don’t close their eyes and deepen the kiss when you pull them in one… right?

October, 1996

It has been three months since the kiss happened and neither of them had paved the way to have that conversation. Alex wanted to, she tried for a couple of times, but it seems to her that Casey’s trying to brush them off every single chance.

The only good thing that comes from that kiss was Casey stopped talking about that certain guy who makes Alex’s blood boil.

Did Casey like what happened, Alex wonders? A thing she’d keep guessing because it seems to her that the redhead would never make it clear. Casey didn’t stay away, things between them didn’t get awkward, but it would be nice to have a clear mind, to know where you stand and which line one should not cross again or not even think about crossing.

Alex tried distance, not always making herself available whenever the younger one is around, but as soon as she makes one step back, she always ends up taking ten more steps towards the redhead. And she couldn’t decide whether she should hate the fact that she couldn’t be away from her or not. She really loves Casey, a thousandfold and more.

Alex has had enough. She sighs, tired of beating around the bush. “Casey, do you like me?”

The redhead’s eyes widen, her lips parting slightly. “What? You know I do—“ the older one cuts her off.

“You know what I mean.” Alex hissed, looking away. She’s almost in defeat.

“Alex..” Casey sighs. She chews on her bottom lip, a habit she’s picked up whenever she’s nervous or thinking something.

That doesn’t pass Alex’s eyes. Nothing about Casey passes Alex’s eyes. The latter likes nibbling on her bottom lip, and the former always wants to kiss her every time she does just as much.

She’s so doomed, she has long accepted that. It just happens to hurt right now.

“I don’t need you to be sure. But just say yes,” Alex sighs, shaking her head. “I’d take a maybe, even. Just not a no.” She shut her eyes, tight, her voice restrained, her tone pleading.

She’d really take whatever it is Casey could only give, as long as she’d give her something.

And if the redhead can’t give her anything at all?

“I like you, Alexandra. And I am sure.”

She’ll be damned.

She quips her head in the redhead’s direction, her lips slightly parted, her eyes widening. She tried saying something, but her voice seems to be caught in her throat.

Casey chuckles softly at that, she nibbles on her bottom lip, her hands reaching out, cupping the blonde’s cheeks. “I’m sure of you, Alexandra. Always have been.” She caresses the older’s cheeks with her thumb as she plants a soft, swift kiss on her lips.

Alex must be dreaming.

“Casey..” Alex gasped.

The redhead ran her thumb against Alex’s lips. “You deserve more than a maybe, Lex. I was deflecting, always brushing you off whenever you tried to talk about what happened. I’m sorry. I thought it’d be better if we stayed as friends.”

Reality, actually.

“Friends…” Alex echoed, chuckling lightly. “I thought the same, Case. But you were just so…”

“Charming?” Casey grinned.

“I was thinking irresistible, but yeah. That, too.” The blonde bit her bottom lip. “I thought I could settle just being your friend. Then, you started talking about… some guy.”

Casey laughed. “Charlie?”

The older woman nodded her head. “Yeah. That. Him.” She rolled her eyes.

“Are you jealous of him?”

“And if I am?” Alex huffed.

The redhead chuckled, pinching Alex’s cheeks gently. “I don’t like him, Alex. It’s with women I’m attracted to, a woman— you.”

“You sound so fond of him when you’re describing him to me.” Alex replied, rolling her eyes.

“Alex.” She made sure the blonde met her gaze. “He’s not my type. And I’m not fond of him, I’m fond of you,” replied Casey, fixing Alex’s eyeglasses. “I was trying to tell you he doesn’t stand a chance.”

Alex scoffed, her cheeks red. “You have a funny way of telling me that.”

“I’m sorry. I’m not good at this. But I mean it, Lex. I only like you.” Casey uttered, her tone soft and sincere. “Just you.”

“And you’re not just saying that?” Alex raised a brow.

Casey gasped dramatically. “You don’t believe me?”

Alex sighs, rolling her eyes. She gazes at her redhead back, her demeanor back to being soft. “Casey, growing up, I was full of doubts. The first time I felt so sure was the first time I laid my eyes on you. You’re my one comfort in this chaotic world.”

“You’re making me cry,” Casey pouted.

Alex chuckled lightly, tucking some loose strands of the younger behind her ear. “Be my girlfriend, Casey. I’d make you happy every day, every chance I’d get. I’ll never stop courting you and make you want to be mine.” She softly uttered, guiding Casey’s hand towards her lips, planting a swift, soft kiss at the back of it.

Please say yes.

“Then I’m your girlfriend starting today,” replied Casey, grinning, her dimples which the blonde loves so much showing.

The start of their forever, Alex thought.

———

Present (July, 2008)

“When Casey died, it felt like it was the end of the world for me.” Alex sighs, wiping her new set of tears. “It was like she took me with her. It felt so empty, incomplete, meaningless.”

“You really love her. You sounded like you’ve had so bad for her.” Elliot utters, staring at Casey’s photograph.

“You have no idea. Casey gave meaning to my life, Elliot. Everything she did, it fills my heart.”

Elliot nodded, even though the blonde wouldn’t see him. He takes a seat beside her, his gaze never leaving Casey’s photograph.

“I only see this smile when she’s looking at you,” the detective admits, averting his gaze from the late attorney’s photograph to look at Alex. “She was so in love with you.”

The blonde scoffed, then she bites her bottom lip to hide her grin, the flush on her cheeks gave her away, though. “Yeah. I was lucky. Just not lucky enough to be with her longer but… still lucky.”

“Mhm,” Elliot nods.

Alex sighed, turning her head to meet the detective’s gaze. “How am I able to let go when she gave me so much to hold onto, Elliot? I couldn’t just forget the memories we’ve made, everything we’ve shared. I don’t want to forget her.” She shook her head, a new set of tears falling from her eyes.

“You shouldn’t. Honestly speaking, if it’s Casey, she wouldn’t want to forget about you, too,” Elliot replied, wrapping an arm around Alex. “She’s too stubborn to move on from you.”

That made the woman chuckle. “I’d rather have her walk away from me than walk away completely from life. Because the pain of losing your partner physically, it’s indescribable. It’s consuming,” she sobbed, resting her head on the detective’s shoulder.

Elliot doesn’t know what to reply that will soothe his friend, so he remained quiet. He doesn’t have the right words, but he’s there, and he’s listening to her.

“Heartbreak wasn’t really foreign to me because of my friends. The way they describe it, I know it hurts. It’s one of the worst pains one would ever experience. But, in time, you’d learn how to live with it, or better yet, move on from it.” Alex sniffs, wiping her tears, a small smile on her face. “And over time, the mention of their name, or seeing them, wouldn’t hurt at all. Instead, you’ll be happy, especially if they’re happy.

..they also told me that the day after the break-up was the worst. Waking up, that is if you’re lucky enough to have slept at all, without a good morning from them, or wishing that what happened the night before was just a nightmare. It was surreal. Something in between of acceptance and denial. But this,” Alex starts crying again. “This is reprehensible.”

“Drink some water, Alex.” Elliot uttered, giving the blonde an opened bottle of water but the latter just shakes her head.

Elliot didn’t push, he recapped the bottle, putting it in front of Alex instead.

“I experienced denial, anger, bargaining, depression… and they said that what comes next is acceptance. Elliot, how could they expect me to just accept that the love of my life is now gone?” Alex choked in her own tears. “They don’t have to understand, but… this is much worse than a heartbreak. And no one had informed me about this. No one told me that it would be this hard. That she’d be taken away from me too early.”

“I’m sorry,” was all Elliot could utter. He pulled the blonde closer to him, squeezing her shoulder gently, hoping it will somehow help her.

“Nothing could ever prepare someone for something like this. It’s more than just the day before the break-up. Over the course of time, yeah, I’d be okay. But the chance of seeing Casey again, of bumping into her somewhere, gone. The odds of seeing her so happy, taken. I’d rather have us break-up, than not have her at all.

Grief wasn’t the same for everyone. Each of us deal with it, coping in our own ways. For Alex, she deals with it by holding onto every detail of the memories her girlfriend had given her, even if it means dehydrating her body out of fluid by crying her heart out. She blamed herself enough for letting Casey go that day, now she’s only with memento, and she’s too afraid to let go.

Alex remembers Casey from a lot of things. When she wakes up in the morning, when she’s having cereal for breakfast— Casey doesn’t mix her milk with her cereal, her logic is that she doesn’t want her cereal to get too soaked, so she’s taking a spoonful of her cereal then drinks her milk, the redhead is weird like that, and Alex loves every bit of her, pieces that makes her. Going to work also reminded her of Casey, for every perpetrator she faces, every case she wins, some cases she loses, she has Casey in her mind. She sees her on every corner of the precinct, every place they’ve visited, every meal they have shared.

But above all, she sees Casey in the littlest of things, those where people would have a hard time deciphering as to why.

Their little arguments because Alex is having too much wine without a proper meal, or that she had forgotten to eat her food; in their petty fights because no matter how she scolded Casey, there would always be a bunch of unfolded shirts scattered around their apartment; or how the redhead frowns while cleaning the kitchen because Alex made a mess, how they always exchange between sudoku and cross-word puzzle on the weekends.

She’s also always reminded of Casey with random things, the redhead’s favourite brand of beer, when snoozing her alarm in the morning. And autumn.

Alex’s favourite season.

Only because it resonates with her girlfriend. The orange and red hues of the leaves that resembles Casey’s red hair, the cool breeze of air that reminds Alex of her girlfriend’s husky voice that sends chills down her spine. Fall season is beautiful, just like her Casey. ,

———

Present (September, 2008)

Alex finds Amelia sitting comfortably in the interrogation room when she arrived. The woman smiles the moment she sees her, but the blonde remained poker-faced.

“Hi,” Amelia greeted, her tone polite, surprising the two detectives.

Alex wetted her bottom lip, sighing softly, calming herself down. It’s normal for her to feel repulse towards the suspects, but this, what she’s feeling right now, it’s more than just an extreme distaste, and it’s more towards herself than to the woman in front of her. Seeing Amelia made her remember that night. Disgust starts creeping her insides, she doesn’t like the reminder.

She really looks like Casey.

The blonde takes a seat in front of Amelia, her face expressionless. The latter raised her brow, clearly taunting Alex, but the attorney knows better. If she bites the hook and reacts, what happened between them will be out, it’s not a good idea.

“I said hi?” Amelia uttered, feigning offense.

Liv creases her forehead, Elliot remained stoic.

“I know, I heard you.” Alex quips.

“It’s basic human decency to greet back the person who greeted you.”

Alex almost rolled her eyes. “And what do you know about human decency?” She asks, the corner of her lips curling into a slight smirk.

Amelia didn’t bite back, instead, she lets out a soft chuckle. “Do you really want me to remind you?” She husks, smirking.

“We’re not here to play games with you,” Liv growls, pressing her palms against the table, she’s now beside Alex.

“Alexandra,” Amelia smirks, her tone flirty. “You should tell your friend to calm down.”

Alex’s resolve tensed. “Don’t call me that.”

“But it’s your name?”

“Shut up.” Alex hissed, her fists under the table clenching.

Amelia grins. “Is that what she calls you?”

Liv’s eyes widen a bit and Elliot tenses, they know who was it she’s talking about.

“Don’t you dare.” Alex warns.

“Oh,” Amelia smirks. “What’s her name— Casey?”

Alex’s expression darkens, jaw clenching, her gaze at the woman in front of her sharp.

“Take her name off your filthy mouth.” She said through gritted teeth.

Amelia chuckles lightly, the smirk never leaving her face. “You seem to love this filthy mouth so much thatnight,” her tone in mockery.

“It was a mistake. You are a mistake.” Alex replied, full of venom.

“I might be, but you can’t deny the fact, Alexandra,” Amelia grins, “you had fun. Especially when I have my fingers wrapped around your throat. Why, was it something Casey couldn’t do?” She taunts, the tension in the room becomes overwhelming.

The next thing Amelia knew, her back is pinned against the wall, her throat clenching because of lack of oxygen, and the blonde is standing face-to-face with her.

“Do. Not. Mention. Her. Name. Ever again.” Alex said furiously.

Everything happened so fast that even the two detectives who are present in the room were surprised.  Besides, they were too caught up to the revelation that they weren’t able to follow through on what just happened. The woman started wheezing, Liv seemed frozen in place, and Elliot has never been this scared. Alex’s whole body is trembling, her expression blank, but it was dark. She’s seething, and both the detectives don’t have any idea how to calm her down. Even Amelia’s lawyer tried getting her away from his client but she’s strong, and they have no match with her.

Casey had let them in to her little secret about the things one should do if Alex is crying.

“P-please..” Amelia’s voice is hoarse, almost a whisper, she’s tapping on the blonde’s hands, pleading her to let go.

—if she’s anxious.

“Alex!” Liv called, trying to remove Alex’s hands from its chokehold on Amelia’s neck but to no avail. She’s unsuccessful.

—or whenever she’s annoyed.

This time, it was Elliot who tried. “Alex, please.” His tone is soft, wrapping his fingers around Alex’s wrists, his thumb caresses the back of her hands, but Alex wouldn’t budge.

Nothing about when she’s livid, no, Casey didn’t leave them any instruction or tips. It never occurred to them that they’d need one, until today.

Alex Cabot, when mad, is deadly.

“Alex, you’re going to kill her!” Liv shouted.

“Come on, Alex, let go.” Elliot tried again, his thumbs drawing a pattern at the back of Alex’s hands. “Please..”

But the lawyer was in too deep with her rage to listen, to even hear them. She doesn’t let go, not when Amelia’s close to not breathing at all, her eyes slowly closing. Instead, Alex tightened her grip on her neck even more.

“Alexandra.”

Alex wasn’t sure if she’s starting to hallucinate, or she’s really, already gone mad, but she could swear she heard Casey calling her name. And it was enough for her to snap from the rage that enveloped her. Her expression softens a little, though her gaze on the woman remained sharp, she lets go, backing away from the woman in front of her.

Amelia clutched her chest, coughing and gasping for air alternately, she’s on her knees.

“Know that this wouldn’t go unpunished, Alex.” Amelia’s defense attorney uttered as he helped her on her feet.

“And I want you to know that I don’t care.” Alex husks, her gaze still sharp.

The defense attorney was about to say something more, but Amelia stopped him, they made their way out of the interrogation room.

“You know her.” Liv uttered, being someone always doesn’t beat around the bush.

Alex heaves a sigh; her hands are trembling. She clenched them, turning to face her friends.

“Yeah.”

“Alex, sit down,” Elliot suggested, guiding the blonde to her seat. “You don’t have to tell us. We don’t have to talk about it. We’re here.”

“Thanks.” Alex muttered, a small smile on her face. “I don’t need to say it. You’re detectives, I know you already figured.”

Elliot nods his head, smiling a little. “Yeah..”

“It was a year ago. I was drunk.” Alex sighs, shaking her head. “She looks so much like Casey. They could pass as twins,”

“Yeah.” This time, it was Liv who replied.

“It was the Tandy’s  case. I won, and for some reason, I was eager to celebrate.”

“You always do.” Liv replied.

Alex shakes her head. “Not since Casey died. I stopped. I mean, it just didn’t feel right. Casey was there the first time ever I won a case, and she insisted that we celebrate it. Since then, we always do. With her favourite beer and takeout.” She lets out a soft chuckle as she reminisces. “When she… left..” she nibbled on her bottom lip, playing on the ring that serves as a chain on her necklace. “It just doesn’t feel right. The bar became my go-to place.”

“That’s where you meet her.” It was Elliot.

“Yeah. It was also our anniversary, I was in my most vulnerable state. When I saw her, I thought she was Casey. Their resemblance is so uncanny.” Alex sighs. “She approached me, and she reminded me so much of her. One thing led to another. Fuck.” She exhales sharply, shutting her eyes tight. “I made a mistake.”

Liv places a hand on Alex’s shoulder, squeezing it gently. “Alex..” her voice soft, sympathetic.

“I should’ve just gone straight to her. I should’ve fought my urge that night. I shouldn’t have give in.” Alex shakes her head, running her fingers in her hair in a frustrated manner. “She wasn’t Casey. I should’ve not..”

Alex exhales sharply, removing her eyeglasses, pinching the bridge of her nose. “I wanted something physical. I wanted to be physically with Casey. I wanted to touch her, kiss her, hug her. Not just some photograph of her, but her.”

“The living version of someone is always better.” Elliot utters, handing Alex a glass of water.

Alex accepted it, drinking from it before she shakes her head. “She’s not a living version of Casey. They were two different people. I made a mistake. I shouldn’t have betrayed her.”

“You didn’t betray her, Alex.” Liv uttered.

“I did. I missed Casey so much I wanted to see her in every face of people I look at.”

Elliot sighs. “Alex..”

“I just want her back. I want my Casey back. She promised me forever. It’s not fair.”

“It’s not.” Elliot replied. “But it’s also not fair to you to blame yourself for something you didn’t even want to happen in the first place. You were drunk, you were grieving. You made a mistake, okay. But it wasn’t betrayal. Even Casey would agree with me that it’s not.”

“I.. I don’t know.” Alex sighs.

“Forgive yourself, Alex. Casey would want that.” Liv said, patting Alex’s shoulder.

“And she’d also want for you to not be hard on yourself.” Elliot added.

After the incident, Alex came to visit the only person who could ever put her mind to ease and knock some real sense into her— Casey.

Alex cleared the dried leaves that are piled up in front of her girlfriend’s burial niche, before sitting with her legs crossed. A small smile on her face as she traces Casey’s features in the photograph, telling her what happened earlier that day. “She looks just like you, Case… you both have the same height… hair colour… God, you both even have the same bone structure.” She sighs.

“Well, she has more fashion sense than you…” she huffed a chuckle, trying to stop her tears. “And I miss you. And she sounded just like you… And… baby, I miss you so much. When I saw her, I thought I’d seen a ghost… your ghost. But she’s nothing like you, you know? She would never be… she couldn’t even if she’d try so hard. There’s only one of you, baby. I’m grateful I had that… I had you. I hate this. You really have to make me sappy, didn’t you? You love it. You so love it when I’m being all this… I’d be like this every day, Casey. If I do… would you come back? Please, come back… I swear to you… I’d be the most hopeless romantic in the entire world.. just please come back to me, baby. Please.” She choked by her own tears, wiping them harshly.

“I’m sorry.” She apologized, for what, she doesn’t know, she’s not sure anymore. For sleeping with Amelia a year ago, perhaps. Or maybe for not being too quick enough to stop her from saying Casey’s name; or it could be for letting her anger consume her resulting to her, almost killing the woman. She couldn’t figure it out.

One thing she was sure of, no matter what the circumstance is, no one and nothing could stop her, it would always be Casey she’d run to.

———

Present (October,  2008)

“You found strong evidence this time?” Alex who had just arrived at the precinct, asked Elliot who look rattled as of the moment. “Stabler!”

That’s enough to snap Elliot from his thought. “What?”

Alex tried so hard not to roll her eyes. “Are you okay? Did something happen?” She asks, worry is evident in her tone.

The detective sighs. “I found something about Amelia.”

“And it’s not going to help our case.” The blonde assumed.

“I mean— yeah. It’s not about the case, Alex,” replied Elliot, his clutch on the folder tightening.

Alex’s brows furrowed, “okay?” She purses her lips, trying her best to keep her tone neutral even though she’s getting weird out of the man.

“Don’t tell me she’s already killed someone else before?”

Elliot’s ears reddened, looking intently at the attorney. The blonde huffed a chuckle, shaking her head.

“I was kidding—“

“You’re not wrong.” Elliot cuts her off.

“And you want to add that to her charges?” Alex asked, still confused as to what Elliot wanted to tell her.

“I think this one is up to you, Lex,” Elliot softly replied.

“What—“ with her patience running thin, she snatched the folder from the detective and harshly opens it, reading the report. “N-no… no way.” She muttered, her whole body trembling.

For every case she tried, every perpetrator she convicted, Alex’s heart broke not knowing what the person who got Casey killed even looked like.

Justice. That was all she wanted for her girlfriend. Casey didn’t deserve what happened to her, she especially doesn’t deserve that while she was taken away from this world, the person who put an end to her beautiful life was alive, and very much walking free.

Almost four years, that’s how long she has to wait to put a face and a name on the person who was behind the stirring wheel. It ends now.

“And you’re a hundred percent certain of this?” Alex asked, her eyes never leaving the file report.

Elliot nodded his head. “I would’ve not called you here if I wasn’t, Alex. The last thing I want to do is to rip the bandage off your wound.”

Alex heaves a sigh, her eyes still scanning the crime report in her hands. “Will you please bring her? I want to talk to her.” This time, she brings her gaze over to the man. Without saying anything, Elliot stood up, put his coat back on, and left the precinct.

1 hour and 30 minutes, it only took this long before Elliot comes back with Amelia and her defense attorney. Alex gestured to the detective before making her way to one of the interrogation rooms, the three behind her. Once inside, the blonde takes a seat, waiting for them to get settle before placing the folder in front of the other woman.

“What’s this?” Amelia’s defense attorney asks, about to open the folder.

“Let her.” Alex interjects.

Amelia smirked towards the prosecutor before looking what’s inside the folder, the smirk on her face falters, she gazes back at Alex, her eyes apologetic.

“She looks like me.”

“Yeah.”

Amelia nibbled on her bottom lip, shaking her head. She couldn’t seem to wrap the fact around her head.

Alex breathed sharply, she reached on the ring hanging around a chain over her neck, gently caressing it. She closes her eyes for a second, as if she’s getting some strength from it, she then opens her eyes, looking directly to the woman in front of her. Her expression neutral.

“I wanted to know, why did you run away?” She asks, her tone soft, almost quiet.

Amelia shakes her head. “It was an accident. I never meant for it to happen.”

“Yet, you ran away.”

“I have to.” Amelia was quick to reply. “I was running for my life… from this. I never raped anyone, but I was in the room. And they told me that if everything comes out, they’d pinned it on me.”

“So you decided to kill Sydney after two years? And not to mention, kill my girlfriend, too, while you were, and as I quote your words, running for your life?” Alex scoffs.

The stockbroker shakes her head, nibbling on her bottom lip. “I’m sorry.”

“But sorry wouldn’t bring back Casey’s life, now, will it?” Elliot butts in, shaking his head, his jaw tensed.

Amelia glances at the detective “It won’t,” she shakes her head, gazing back at the blonde, “but I’d still like to apologize, nonetheless. It was long overdue, but it’s the least I could do. I did some things I’m not proud of, but Alex, what happened to your girlfriend, if I could go back to that night, I would just to prevent it from happening. I am deeply sorry,” she sighs.

“Elliot’s right. Your apology won’t bring my Casey back. Neither does pressing charges.” Alex uttered making Elliot’s ears perked up.

“Alex.” He sighs.

Alex didn’t budge, her eyes focused on Amelia. “From the day of Casey’s death up until now, I never lost hope that I’d, someday, somehow, bring her justice. I believe it was what kept me going.”

Casey was easy to forgive. She wasn’t the one to hold grudges. People who have wronged her don’t even have to apologize, and she’d still forgive them. Maybe that was how she was raised, or how she was taught, or could have something to do with her religion, but whatever the exact reason was, Alex found it hard to fully comprehend her girlfriend’s kindness. Even today, facing the person behind Casey’s death, she still couldn’t fully grasp the idea, and she couldn’t understand herself for forgiving Amelia instead. It’s what Casey would do, it’s what she’d want. It’s what Alex is choosing.

“I’d really want to press charges and sue you for being the reason why Casey was taken from me, but she’d want otherwise,” Alex uttered, shaking her head, a small smile on her face. “I’ll be fine with you giving me a closure.”

Elliot wanted to protest, but he knows that Alex is right. Casey was something else, and that’s what made her able to change their lives for the better.

“Thank you, though I know I don’t deserve it.” Amelia replied, her eyes glistening with tears. “And I also want you to know, I didn’t just run away. The reason why you were able to… found some trace of her blood from my car’s tires was because I drove to where her car crashed to check on her. I was the one who called 911. Not that it would make a difference, I wished for her to make it.”

Alex didn’t say a word after that, instead, she just nodded her head. She stood up, fixed her eyeglasses, and give Amelia one last look before she smiled a ‘thanks’ to Elliot and leave the room. Months later, it’s not impossible that she’s going to beat herself up because of this, and that’s okay. Forgiveness, really, it’s so easy to ask for it. But giving forgiveness, it’s something that’s really hard to understand how someone can give it so easily. Maybe she doesn’t have to, maybe she never will. Maybe all she has to do is to do it— forgive. It isn’t easy. It takes bravery, courage. And for Alex, it also took thinking it is something that Casey will be proud of.

Next thing to do, maybe move on?

———

25 December 2004

The clouds are dark, the breeze of the wind is cold, contrary to the weather forecast that it’s going to be sunny today, snow started falling. But Alex doesn’t mind.

She was looking forward to this, she even took a day off just to make sure that everything’s ready, that it’s going to be perfect, and she never took a day off from work. Not when she’s sick, not when it’s her birthday, not even when they’re celebrating their anniversaries, she can do half days, lessen her workloads on the special occasions, so she doesn’t really see the need to take an off from work. Besides, she’s an assistant district attorney, her job requires her to be available 24/7.

Not today, though. It’s Christmas, her eight with Casey this year. Eight happiest years of her life, and more. And what makes it more special?

She’s going to propose to Casey, tonight.

Alex wasn’t a fan of romance. Truth be told, she finds people who proposes on holidays like this cliche. For her, it’s predictable, they’re easy to read, that makes it overrated. Good thing she has a big appetite, though, because if not, for what she’s going to do today, she’d be full by swallowing her words back.

Casey always made sure she’s happy, be it holidays or not. The redhead always finds ways to make her laugh, smile, blush, and if still possible, make Alex fall for her even more. And the latter thought, for the kind of solace and contentment that the former had given her, it’s now her time to make Casey the happiest, alongside her—that is if she’d say yes—, proposing to the redhead on her most favourite season.

Everything was set, the dinner that Alex had prepared, with the help of their friends, especially Liv, being the one who’s expert inside the kitchen; the redhead’s favourite beer, Alex would’ve preferred some expensive wine but today is all about Casey; and the blue-velvet oval-shaped box that contains the ring is in a paper bag, placed under their Christmas tree.

The blonde glances at her phone screen when it rang; she felt butterflies on her stomach upon seeing Casey’s face flashing on the screen, her heart beating fast. Weirdly, it’s not in a good kind of way. She figured out why once she answered the call, a voice of a man who introduced himself as the paramedic, explaining to the blonde why he has the redhead’s phone, what happened, but Alex’s mind wasn’t registering any word from him.

Everything happened so fast, she felt like she’s in a movie where the scenes are in a fast-forward mode, the next thing she knows, Elliot is guided her towards the ambulance. There, she saw Casey, her body all bruised, drained blood on some of her vital points, a huge cut from her forehead down to her cheek. Alex’s heart sank at the sight, tears all over her face, her knees trembled.

“Casey!” Alex ran towards the gurney, enveloping her girlfriend’s body with a tight hug, refraining the paramedics to wheel Casey inside the emergency department unit. She sobbed, pressing a kiss on her girlfriend’s lips.

“Please, live. Fight. I’ll wait for you, baby. I’m waiting. I love you so much. Live for me, Casey, please.” She whispered in her ears between her sobs. When she felt Elliot’s grip around her arms, and when she heard him call for her name, she planted a soft kiss on Casey’s forehead before getting out of way, walking behind the paramedics instead.

Alex loved being ask. Especially questions that challenges her wits. And in return, she delights in asking questions, particularly when she’s proving a point. But out of all the debates she participated in back in high school and college, all their mock trials, and her courtroom sass, nothing has prepared her for this.

“Should worse come to worst, would you want us to resuscitate her?” was the nurse’s question. Alex had to blink a couple of times for the words to sink in. She knows just like when they’re interviewing a suspect in their field of work, what the nurse was doing— asking was standard questions, still, she’s so close in snapping, that it shouldn’t be asked, that the answer is obvious— they should do the best they could to save the love of her life.

“Yes,” was Alex’s replied, instead.

She’s so lost, Olivia and Elliot had to repeat the questions to her before her brain could fully comprehend it to formulate a coherent response without giving out that she wants to gnaw everyone’s heads off. She’s never been this anxious

As soon as Casey was brought inside the operating room, Alex finds herself inside the chapel. Why was she here, she does not know. She doesn’t even have any idea how to pray. She saw Casey once, but that was it.

She nibbled on her bottom lip as she knelt on the chair’s kneeler at the front. She clasped her hands together, looking directly at the man nailed in the cross hanging at the center part of the altar.

“Hi, it’s me. Alexandra Cabot.” She sighs, shaking her head. “You probably don’t know me, but I’m sure you know my girlfriend— Casey Novak? She prayed to You a lot, every night before going to sleep. I’m sorry I don’t believe in You, but she does, and she needs Your help right now. Please let her live. Please let her be with me, I’m begging you.” Alex sobbed, pressing her forehead against her clasped hands.

The blonde jolted when her phone rang, without looking at the caller ID, she answered it, her gaze fixed on the cross, her tears continuously falling.

“Alex, where are you? The doctor’s looking for you.” It was Elliot, his tone somber.

Without a word, Alex stood up, shoving her phone inside the back pocket of her pants. She quickly made her way to where their friends are, shaking her heads upon seeing them. The doctor walked towards her the moment she spots her, reaching over to give her a pat on her shoulder.

“No.” Alex muttered, breathless. “No.”

“I’m sorry,” started the surgeon. “We did our best, we couldn’t bring the electrical impulse back.”

Alex bites her bottom lip, hard it almost bled. She shakes her head, her face covered in tears. “P-please, try again. I’m begging.”

Olivia and Elliot could only sigh, they look away, both were trying so hard to prevent their tears from falling.

The surgeon shakes her head, smiling sadly at Alex. “I’m sorry. There’s nothing more we could do.”

“I want to see her.” Alex said in defeat, and the doctor was quick to grant the blonde’s request.

Alex felt her heart stopped beating when she saw Casey’s lifeless body. She’s paler as ever, her demeanor looks peaceful despite the cuts and bruises. Even in her eternal sleep, she looks ethereal.

She sobbed, putting two fingers under the redhead’s jaw, feeling for her carotid pulse, she cried harder when she felt nothing. Growing up, she heard stories of princesses getting a true love’s kiss that saved their lives, so a kiss on Casey’s lips was what she did, unsuccessful. Maybe a true love’s tears, she cried above the redhead’s body, pressing her forehead against her cold chest, ineffective. She wept, clutching on Casey’s body, praying for a miracle to happen, for her girlfriend to suddenly be alive.

Suddenly, everything stopped making sense.

Alex had only cried thrice— the one where she received the call about Casey and she saw her body in the ambulance, second was when, for the first time, she prayed from above, and when the doctor told her that her redhead didn’t make it. After that, she stopped crying, at all.

At least, to the knowledge of her friends and everyone around her.

She didn’t shed a tear during Casey’s wake, not when she gave her final speech, should’ve been her vows, instead it became a farewell to her beloved. Not even when they burned her girlfriend’s body back into ashes. Alex just stood there, watching the whole thing unfold.

Every time she’s telling someone about Casey, Alex was also never in tears. The longing was there, in her voice, with the way she tells their story, but her eyes and cheeks are dry, like everything’s okay, like she’s moved on.

Makes people wonder, questioning if Alex had ever really loved Casey at all.

Alex feels bad, starting to think that maybe they were right. She questions herself sometimes, sure, she knows to herself she did give Casey her all. She loved the redhead so much; she was sure of her. She’d sacrifice everything for her. It wasn’t enough, though. The things she knew and believed in weren’t not enough to not let people’s words get to her. She wonders, too, sometimes, in fact, most of the times now, if she really deserves Casey, or if the woman even deserved her in the first place.

All because she only shed a tear three times.

She was grieving, sure, everyone around her was aware, but she was coming in terms with it on her own, the best way, the only way she knows how.

Alex cries her heart out, more oftentimes than not, in the middle of the night, in their room, where she’s lying on Casey’s side of the bed. Sometimes, without a warning, she’d bawl her eyes out. There are times where she’d just stare at nothingness, reminiscing her moments with Casey, the conversations they had, the things Casey did for her, and the things she regretted not doing when she still had the chance.

———

Present, (25 December 2008)

Christmas is Casey’s most favourite season— time for sharing, time for loving, time for family, the ones you’re born from, and the ones you gained and choose along the way. She was a giver, a little bit self-explanatory as to why she loves December 25th.

Alex wasn’t really a fan of Christmas. Not the tradition, not the sappy movies that come along with it. The foods, a little bit, maybe. The songs, only when Casey sings them. And the gift-giving, well, she loves spoiling her girlfriend so much. She loved her more than anything, that includes getting fond of this certain holiday, too.

Casey made it meaningful.

The last 7 years, at least. Because the eighth, the world took her away from the people who love her dearly, the universe took Casey away from her. Since then, Christmas had become bittersweet for the blonde. And Alex was pretty sure her soul died with her.

Because how are you supposed to be happy on the death anniversary of someone that has your heart?

“I’m still mad at you for letting me celebrate your favourite holiday alone for the last three years, you know,” Alex sighs, shaking her head. She places the plastic flowers in front of Casey’s grave, chuckling at herself. “But I don’t have to, do I?” She hugs herself, reeling in the coolness of the breeze.

This Christmas, it’s going to be different. Because she’ll choose to celebrate it surrounded by the people who love her and, of course, who loves Casey. Because that’s how her girlfriend would want it to be. What happened four years ago, it still hurt. It will always hurt, something that will forever linger, but she will carry on. She was not alone, she doesn’t need someone else, someone new. She was exactly where she’s meant to be.

“Seriously though, I’ll be fine, my love. It’d be a lot better if you’re here with me, but since you can’t, all I ask of you is to wait for me there. I’m just not sure how long exactly but I’m certain that it would be very long. Because I’ll live, Case. I’ll survive, I’ll continue along, and this I promise you. I love you.”

Alex wasn’t a religious person, she wasn’t a believer, but her girlfriend was. And in her girlfriend, she trusts. She’d move forward, carrying Casey with her, in her heart, in the memories they shared, in the places they planned to visit. She’ll live, she’d be okay, not only for the redhead, but also for herself. She’d create new memories, lots of them, so if her time to meet Casey in heaven comes, she’ll have many stories to share. She’ll be okay alone; she’s got enough love from her redhead to last her a lifetime.

“My dearest, Alexandra.

To the only one who has a hold of my heart, happiest birthday. Thinking of something to give you wasn’t easy, because how am I supposed to beat the greatest gift you’ve ever given me— your love. Remember the day when you promised me that you’d make me happy every chance you’d get? You never fail. Not ever. I love you, more than you’ll ever know, greater than what I’m showing you. You are my only love, and Lex, I want to stay it that way. 

You weren’t just my lover, you are my best friend, too. My confidant, the one I’d kill and die for (don’t roll your eyes, it’s your birthday, come on! Besides, I’m just saying, doesn’t mean it’ll happen!) I know I’m not a perfect partner, but I am real and sincere. You are much appreciated, my love. Every time I look at you, I get a glimpse of what my future would look like, and I love every single bit of it, because there’s you, with me. There’s us. 

You are my future, my present, and everything beyond and in between.

The ring that comes with this letter was not an engagement ring, I wouldn’t propose to you this way. I told you, you deserve the world and more. It’s a promise ring, rather. Three promises for each syllable of the word ‘I love you.’ 

My heart will only beat for you, no matter the distance, despite the circumstances, regardless of what the world will throw our way, it wouldn’t beat for anyone else. You’re divine, Alexandra, please don’t forget that. And if there will come a time that I fail to make you feel like that, leave me, because then I don’t deserve you. But I don’t want to ever lose you, just the thought of it physically pains me, so I won’t forget. Never.  

I wanted you to know that I’ve prayed for you. So if ever we didn’t end up together, I’d find you in our next life because you’re the only one I’d ever love this way. I know that. And if we end up together, I’d wish to find you in another life because one lifetime isn’t enough to give you the love that I have for you. This I promise you :p

Much love, 

Casey <3”

[queenmelancholy]

Downton Abbey | Thomas Barrow

Top 5 quotes from my favourite character under five categories

Best

/ I’m not foul, Mr. Carson. I’m not the same as you, but I’m not foul.

/ You’re not a victim. Don’t let them make you into one.

/ It is not against the law to hope, is it?

/ I arrived here as a boy. I leave as a man.

/ But remember, I will always be your friend wherever I am.

Sad

/ You are stronger than you think. And you’re wrong about me. I mind what people say.

/ There are times I would like to belong. Does that sound funny?

/ To change me. To make me more like other people… other men.

/ I envy you. A happy couple and everyone’s so pleased for you. I can’t imagine what that’s like.

/ You’ve got me wrong. You all have… It’s too late. The damage has been done.

Sarcastic

/ I don’t think that would be sensible, Mr. Bates. We can’t have you wobbly at both ends.

/ Only technically.

/ I hope not, for his mother’s sake.

/ Really? And what do you feel about transubstantiation?

/ What about the Black Bottom, m’lady?

Iconic

/ It’s Mr. Barrow to you.

/ What?

/ Because I feel like it.

/ *pouting*

/ *standing in the background looking bored*

Other characters on Thomas

/ No man is an island, Carson. Not even Thomas Barrow.

/ I don’t know if you’re a good or a bad thing, Mr. Barrow. But we’ve all been together for a long time.

/ You are your own worst enemy.

/ Can’t Barrow come up with something? / You’re right, Mr. Barrow usually has a card or two up his sleeve. / Well, tell him to get one out of his sleeve and play it. Pronto.

/ You don’t need to explain, Barrow. I wish you well. And I hope you’ll be as happy as our cruel world allows.

Bonus: Mr. Bawwow!!!