#both instances just affirming their love and support and understanding for each other. and i just start crying again

[its-leethee]

"...I know."

[blakeswritingimagines]

How They Show You They Care

Iron-Man: When he cares about someone, he goes big - and I mean big. Imagine a luxury dinner on his private jet, overlooking the city at sunset. And that's just the starter. He'd also arrange a surprise romantic getaway to the world's most expensive vacation spot, just the two of you. Plus, he'd commission a custom piece of jewelry, the most expensive and exclusive. It's all about the over-the-top gestures for him.

Spider-Man: He makes it a point to spend quality time together, whether it's engaging in shared activities or simply enjoying each other's company. Surprise gestures, like bringing you your favorite food or planning a thoughtful outing, are also important to him. And, of course, expressing his love through words of affirmation is crucial.

Hulk: Well, for him, it's not just through the grand gestures, but the small, thoughtful ones that really make the difference. It's the surprise flowers on an ordinary day, the late-night conversations that go on for hours, or just the simple act of being there, listening without judgment when you need it. And of course, a well-timed compliment or a cheeky joke never hurts, right?

Captain America: For him, expressing his care and affection for you involves a combination of actions and gestures. He prioritizes open communication and making an effort to understand your needs, feelings, and perspectives. This means actively listening when you speak, being responsive to your emotions, and showing empathy and understanding.

Winter Soldier: He shows you he cares in every way possible. Whether it's by being there for you through thick and thin, holding you close during hard times, or taking you on a surprise vacation just to see your smile. He tries his hardest to make sure you know you're loved and appreciated, and your happiness is his number one priority. Just seeing you happy, safe, and content is enough for him.

Black Panther: Showing you he cares involves more than just saying the words. It means being there for you through the ups and downs, listening when you need to talk, supporting your goals, making an effort to spend quality time together, and doing things that make you happy.

Doctor Strange: He will show you that he cares by listening intently, responding to your every thought, and treating you with the same respect you treat him. He'll express his admiration for you, both verbally and physically by hugging you, holding your hand, and kissing you whenever possible. I'll take their feelings and opinions seriously, and always be there for them through thick and thin.

Thor: What he does specifically, but rather finding ways to make you feel loved. Everyone has their own love language, and it can be different for each person. For him, it was never an issue. I mean, who wouldn't appreciate a bit of extra attention and luxury? He is always showering you with gifts, whether it be flowers, jewelry, or a spontaneous weekend getaway to a private island.

Ant-Man: He tries to show you that he cares through actions rather than words. For instance, he goes out of his way to ensure your safety and well-being, even if it means putting himself in harm's way. He also tries to spend quality time with you, engaging in activities you enjoy, and listening intently to your thoughts and feelings. Additionally, he makes an effort to be understanding and supportive of your endeavors, even if they don't align perfectly with his own.

[rollercoasterwords]

hie rae! i have query/a dichotomy about gender and shit that i would love you to share your thoughts on (if you feel like it, no pressure!). i remember someone once called you something like the "resident tumblr smart person" and you also seem knowledgable about gender (do you do gender studies?) but first i just wanted to say how much i love your fanfics! they're some of my favs ever honestly and thank you so much for writing them!

i remember someone once called you something like the "resident tumblr smart person" and you also seem knowledgable about gender

ok, so basically one of friends was staying at my flat a few days ago, i mentioned (jokingly) that i feel like a bad feminist when i shave my face but that i hate having hair on my face too much to not shave it. for reference i'm a brown cis women who has a fair amount of facial hair and i have been shaving my face since i was a teen. my friend (who's trans) pointed out that she also shaves her face regularly but that for her, its a form of gender affirming care and so would it be possible that its also that for me?. we're both really interested in gender and the elements of performance in it and so we spent ages talking about it and couldn't really come to a conclusion. the thing that i was wondering about especially is that when i do shave my face, it doesn't really feel like its affirming my gender - it feels more motivated by insecurity and the desire to conform. so do you think it would be possible that for cis women it is possible for shaving to be gender affirming or is it all a product of our socialisation/ the beauty industry?

sorry for the mess that this ask is, i hope you can understand it! thanks!  💙💙💙 

hi!! ty 4 the kind words i'm glad u like my fics <3 and i do in fact study gender studies lol there are of course many people v knowledgeable abt these topics tho it's not like i'm the foremost expert etc. happy 2 be ur tumblr smart person 4 the day tho & happy 2 share my thoughts!

so in the first place i don't necessarily think a distinction between trans/cis is useful here in determining whether something can/should be considered "gender affirming," nor do i necessarily think there's a strict dichotomy between "gender affirming" beauty practices versus "it's just socialized" or whatever. every woman is going 2 have different experiences with & reasons behind shaving, and oftentimes those differences will not map neatly onto a binary of trans/cis in which one side always finds the experience affirming and the other does not. additionally, all beauty practices are socialized in the first place & will often engender a mix of feelings that don't fit neatly into "this is 100% affirming" versus "this is absolutely not affirming in any way."

i think it's easy to say "shaving is just patriarchal conditioning for women and we need to stop to be good feminists!!" but that sentiment also fails to recognize that many women derive very real economic and social benefits by conforming to beauty standards, and many women furthermore find it necessary to shave to mitigate violence they might otherwise face. it doesn't mean it's a good thing that these standards exist (beauty in and of itself is always a tool of power imo), but it also makes it, in my opinion, kind of pointless to quibble over whether it's "feminist" to shave or not; each person faces their own set of material conditions that they have to navigate. also, the things an individual person chooses to do with their body hair really don't strike me as incredibly important in like...the grand scheme of Feminist Action, y'know? the entire question seems to lie more in the realm of like...personal feeling & decision making, and in that instance i am a supporter of total bodily autonomy. everyone picks and chooses their own battles when it comes to what beauty standards to adhere to; i don't shave my body hair, for example, but i'm scheduled to undergo a cosmetic surgical procedure in a few months, and for me there isn't a clear divide between the medical/gender affirming/socialized beauty standards reasons that i've chosen to do so. physical pain is one factor, but i'd be lying to myself if i said that i haven't been socialized to think about gender & the way it relates to my own body and appearance, and that that isn't factoring in as well. even if surgery is "affirming" for me, i still don't necessarily know that i'd call it a feminist action so much as something i'm doing to make my body easier to live in.

anyway, all that is to say--no, i don't think shaving makes you "a bad feminist." and i don't doubt your friend when she says that shaving is gender affirming for her. you both have different experiences when it comes to shaving, though, and if you've reflected on this and don't feel like shaving is something you really want to do, then maybe consider seeing what it's like if you stop--not to become "a better feminist," bc again, i don't think whether you personally shave is going to make or break Feminism, but bc it might make you happier. personally, my experience when i've stopped partaking in certain beauty routines or practices is that there's a period of insecurity at first which slowly fades as i've realized that most people really don't notice all the things about my body that i do. but that's my personal experience; if you decide to stop shaving and find that there are conditions in your life that make it too difficult, it's not worth agonizing over if you decide to start again, or to shave sometimes. in general i think this sort of individualistic emphasis on whether or not every single thing a person does is "feminist" is not useful tbh, nor do i think personal feelings of empowerment or affirmation are the best yardstick 4 measuring whether a certain action is "feminist"

[thehomelybadger]

Hey Badger I know you're a huge ass nerd and put lots of thought into title symbolism and we're all here to hear u ramble about it so

Do u have any chapter titles that you're really proud of and just waiting for the opportunity to gush about

(Thank you for the opportunity to take a break from writing hockey lesbians to write ABOUT my writing of hockey lesbians.

As for chapter titles - oh man, there’s a lot of them, and I can talk about every one with a decent degree of nerdiness, but I’ll try to keep it contained. Let’s dig in:

The general rule I tried to follow is that Vi’s chapters have a double meaning - a subtext and a context, while Cait’s POVs usually have to do with a feeling/sentimentality, or a reference that’s fairly heavy handed and obscure.

For instance, the Vi POV chapter 1 is titled No Protection, because Cait and Vi were left unprotected in the Zaun Sumprats Expansion Draft - that’s the context. The subtext, though, is that without their buffer both of them are defenseless against each other, and the barriers they put up to prevent themselves from understanding that they were the most important folks in each other’s lives came crashing down. So they had no protection from switching teams, but also they now have no protection against their feelings towards one another.

Teammates (Vi POV, chapter 3) also deals a similar hand - they actually accept that they’re teammates in that one, as in, they both are playing on the same team, but they discuss the idea (Vi pushes it) of them hooking up again while they’re both on the same team (”October, huh?”). VI also begins teaching Caitlyn the way of being a captain, making them a captain team of two. So you’ve got them as teammates, but them being a team, and also them starting to realise they could be mates, too.

I talked a little bit about Nordique (Caitlyn POV, chapter 20) in a previous ask - Acadia (Caitlyn POV, chapter 22) was a similar theme. Acadia was a Canadian colony in New France that was conquered by the english in 1713, and is also the subject of a very cool Mariana’s Trench song that is about losing your childhood and your innocent to the rigours of adulthood, recounting all the simpler times in a chipper tone before singing, sadly, “but Acadia is gone.” Acadia (the chapter in RATC) is the very last time that Caitlyn has any privacy or can hold onto the illusion in the public eye that she was fine on the Lone Stars, and her abuse is fully revealed. In this case it’s kind of a flip side of the Mariana’s Trench meaning - I use the imagery of Acadia as a dark secret that hurts Caitlyn, and it gets conquered by love, support, and her need to speak out to help protect others. It’s a little heavy handed, but I enjoyed the Nordique/Acadia references as a Canadian fella.

The last chapter title I’ll talk about (because this post has gone very long) is Viewfinder (Caitlyn POV, chapter 10). This follows a surface level meaning - this is the first chapter that the documentary present-tense POV is introduced - and we’re now seeing the characters through a viewfinder, but it goes a little deeper than that. This is the first chapter where Vi has realized she’s been a dick, backs off, respects Caitlyn’s boundaries, and also the first chapter that Caitlyn realises that there’s a lot more to Vi than she knew - the hints at the Vander backstory. Viewfinder is thus, a new view that Caitlyn has to find. But even further, I like the chapter title because viewfinders are what photographers compose and focus a shot with. This is the chapter after Caitlyn and Vi affirm that they believe they can win the entire title with this team, stop going through the motions, and decide to put their mark on the league with this season - together. Composing their ideology, and focusing on the task at hand.

Thank you for offering me this chance to brainrot, lepus! I’m always thrilled to answer questions.

[thenewpathfinder2024-2034]

Men often get stereotyped as being the strong, stoic ones in relationships, but the truth is, they have emotional needs, too. Just like women, men crave connection, understanding, and love - the kind that nourishes their souls and makes them feel seen.

One thing men really need is someone to talk to, someone who'll listen without judgment or interruption. Imagine Mike after a long day at work, walking through the door, and being met with Shannon's warm smile and genuine interest. She asks him about his day, and he opens up about his struggles and triumphs. She listens attentively, offering words of encouragement and support.

It's also essential to show genuine interest in his life. Ask him about his passions, his dreams, and his fears. Engage in activities he enjoys, like Mike and Shannon do when they go hiking together on Sundays. She's not an avid hiker, but she loves seeing the excitement in Mike's eyes as he explores new trails.

Physical affection is vital for men, too. They need hugs, cuddles, and intimate moments that make them feel desired and loved. Shannon knows Mike's love language is physical touch, so she surprises him with gentle massages after a long day or snuggles up close to him on the couch while watching their favorite TV show.

Protection and support are also crucial. When someone attacks or criticizes Mike, Shannon stands up for him, both privately and publicly. She lets him know she's got his back, just like he has hers. For instance, when Mike's boss unfairly criticized him at work, Shannon listened to his frustrations and helped him craft a confident response.

Verbal affirmation is incredibly powerful. Shannon tells Mike, "I love you," often, and means it. She praises his efforts, no matter how small, and celebrates his successes. Mike beams with pride when Shannon acknowledges his hard work, like when he fixed their leaky faucet or cooked a delicious dinner.

Surprising him with thoughtful gestures or gifts can bring immense joy. Shannon knows Mike loves coffee, so she surprises him with his favorite brew on busy mornings. Mike, in turn, surprises Shannon with flowers after a tough day.

In times of conflict, men need a partner who'll fight for the relationship alongside them. Mike and Shannon disagree sometimes, but they work through their issues together. They communicate openly, listen to each other's perspectives, and find common ground.

Spiritual support is vital, too. Mike and Shannon pray together, exploring their faith and values. This deepens their connection and provides strength during challenging times.

Romance shouldn't be one-sided. Shannon plans surprise date nights, like a sunset picnic or a cooking class. Mike loves the excitement and thoughtfulness she puts into these moments.

When life gets tough, men need comfort and consolation. Shannon offers words of encouragement and reminds Mike of his strengths during difficult times. She's his rock, his safe haven.

Acknowledging his efforts and expressing gratitude goes a long way. Shannon thanks Mike for all he does, from taking out the trash to working hard to provide for their family.

Physical care is essential as well. Mike loves it when Shannon gives him massages, oral, or cooks his favorite meals after a long day.

Initiating intimacy can be incredibly empowering. Shannon takes the lead sometimes, surprising Mike with romantic getaways or intense sensual moments.

Anticipating his needs and satisfying them demonstrates your love and care. Mike appreciates when Shannon packs his lunch or picks up his favorite snacks.

Surprise calls, texts, or gestures can brighten his day. Shannon sends Mike funny memes or sweet messages when he's stressed.

Loyalty is paramount. Mike needs to know that Shannon is committed to their relationship, through thick and thin.

Emotional security is crucial. Shannon reassures Mike of her love and commitment, alleviating his fears and doubts.

Finally, financial understanding is vital. Mike and Shannon work together to manage their finances, supporting each other during times of uncertainty.

By recognizing and fulfilling these needs, couples like Mike and Shannon can create a more balanced, loving partnership. Remember, relationships are about mutual support, understanding, and growth.

[truelymarry2]

Signs You’ve Found Your Perfect Match: A Guide to Building a Healthy and Lasting Relationship

In the journey of finding a life partner, one of the biggest questions is often, "How do I know if they're the one?" After all, a life partner isn’t just someone you spend time with – they’re the person who will walk with you through life’s highs and lows, who will stand by you through challenges, and who will celebrate life’s moments by your side. This journey isn’t always easy, but with the right guidance and mindset, finding the perfect partner can be a rewarding and fulfilling experience.

With modern technology and online platforms like TruelyMarry (+91 8303930005), connecting with potential partners has become more accessible than ever. However, the journey doesn’t end with finding a match online – it requires understanding, compatibility, and effort. Here, we’ll discuss key elements in determining if someone is the “perfect” match for you and how to build a loving, lasting relationship.

1. The Importance of Communication in Relationships

Effective communication is at the heart of every healthy relationship. Open and honest dialogue helps both partners feel valued, heard, and respected. Ask yourself these questions:

Does my partner truly listen to me?

Can we discuss sensitive issues without feeling judged?

Do we share our thoughts and dreams freely with one another?

Communication isn’t just about talking; it’s about understanding each other's needs, which is essential in creating a fulfilling relationship. When misunderstandings arise, a couple that communicates effectively can navigate these challenges without harboring resentment. Counseling services, like online marriage counseling and couples therapy, often emphasize communication skills as the cornerstone of a successful relationship. When partners respect and validate each other's perspectives, they cultivate a stronger, healthier bond.

2. Assessing Compatibility and Shared Values

While love is important, shared values, lifestyle compatibility, and personal goals can have a significant impact on the longevity of a relationship. Do you and your partner have similar values? Are your life goals aligned? For example, if you both dream of traveling the world or are committed to certain religious beliefs, it’s easier to build a future together.

Matrimonial sites like TruelyMarry are designed to help you connect with like-minded individuals who share similar values and life goals. By filtering profiles based on common interests and preferences, you can find individuals who align with your ideals, making the search for a future partner more productive and focused.

3. Understanding Each Other’s Love Languages

Understanding love languages can help strengthen your relationship. Love languages, a concept introduced by Dr. Gary Chapman, refers to how people express and receive love. These include:

Words of affirmation

Quality time

Physical touch

Acts of service

Receiving gifts

If you know your partner’s love language, you can make them feel loved and appreciated in ways that matter most to them. For instance, if your partner’s love language is “quality time,” they may feel most loved when you spend undistracted time together. Understanding each other’s love languages can improve communication, strengthen your bond, and build mutual respect.

If you’re unsure how to identify each other’s love languages, couples therapy or premarital counseling sessions are helpful resources. Online marriage counseling also helps couples recognize and address each other's emotional needs.

4. Emotional and Mental Support

A strong relationship is one where both partners provide emotional and mental support for each other. Life is full of challenges, and having a supportive partner can make a huge difference in how you face these difficulties. Reflect on whether your partner makes you feel safe and loved during difficult times. Are they a source of comfort? Do they help you grow emotionally and mentally?

Couples who support each other’s emotional well-being often experience stronger, more resilient relationships. When your partner cares about your mental and emotional health, it shows a level of commitment and empathy that is essential for a lasting relationship. Marriage counseling, especially online counseling options, can provide tools to navigate life’s challenges together.

5. Assessing Long-Term Commitment

A long-lasting relationship requires commitment and loyalty. Are both you and your partner willing to prioritize the relationship? Do they see a future with you, or are they more focused on short-term satisfaction? Commitment goes beyond saying “I love you” – it involves showing dedication through actions, making sacrifices, and being there for one another when it matters most.

Couples who share long-term goals, such as building a family or traveling together, tend to have stronger relationships. These shared goals help create a shared vision for the future, which is crucial in any partnership. If you’re connecting with potential partners through TruelyMarry (+91 8303930005), use the platform’s detailed profiles to discuss these long-term goals and ensure you’re both on the same page.

6. Financial Compatibility and Expectations

Money is often a source of tension in relationships, but being open about financial expectations can help couples avoid misunderstandings. Discuss topics like savings, spending habits, and future financial goals. Financial compatibility doesn’t mean you need to earn the same amount, but it does mean being aligned on how to manage finances as a couple.

Discussing finances openly may not seem romantic, but it plays an essential role in long-term harmony. Setting financial goals together – whether it’s saving for a house, planning a destination wedding, or budgeting for vacations – can help strengthen your bond and build a stable future.

7. Family and Social Compatibility

Another important factor is how well your partner gets along with your family and friends. Family dynamics vary, and understanding each other’s background can help set realistic expectations. Do they share similar cultural beliefs? Are they comfortable attending family gatherings? If you come from different cultural backgrounds, it’s even more essential to be open about traditions and values.

Compatibility with family and friends isn’t about pleasing everyone, but ensuring that both partners feel respected and accepted by each other’s loved ones. Matrimonial sites, such as TruelyMarry, allow you to connect with people who value family traditions and are open to learning about your background, making it easier to find someone who respects your culture and family dynamics.

8. Handling Conflict and Differences

Conflict is natural in any relationship, but how you handle it together is what matters. A “perfect” partner is not someone you never argue with, but someone who approaches disagreements with respect, patience, and understanding. Are they willing to find solutions that work for both of you? Can they apologize and take accountability when necessary?

Couples who effectively resolve conflicts can grow stronger over time. If you and your partner struggle with communication during conflicts, consider couples therapy or marriage counseling to develop healthy conflict-resolution skills. Online marriage counseling sessions are also an accessible way to work through any challenges from the comfort of your home.

9. Premarital Counseling for a Strong Foundation

Premarital counseling is a proactive approach to building a strong relationship foundation. It offers couples a safe space to discuss expectations, address potential concerns, and strengthen their relationship before marriage. Sessions can include discussions on communication, finances, future family planning, and other important topics.

Opting for premarital counseling – whether in person or through online marriage counseling – can provide valuable insights that will benefit your relationship in the long run. Even the most compatible couples can benefit from this experience, which allows them to discuss and plan for a successful future together.

10. Consider a Trusted Matrimonial Site

If you’re serious about finding a compatible partner, consider using a reputable matrimonial site like TruelyMarry (+91 8303930005). Platforms like TruelyMarry offer free matrimony services, and users can filter profiles based on shared values, cultural preferences, and long-term goals. The best matrimonial sites take privacy seriously and offer tools to connect you with like-minded individuals who are equally committed to finding a partner for marriage.

Using a trusted matrimonial site can make the search more productive and less overwhelming. Rather than relying solely on chance, a matrimonial site connects you with profiles that match your preferences, making it easier to meet people who share your values and dreams.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

1. How do I know if someone is the right partner for me?Finding the right partner is about more than physical attraction. Consider compatibility, communication, shared values, and whether they support your emotional well-being.

2. What should I look for on a matrimonial site to find a life partner?Look for a platform like TruelyMarry (+91 8303930005) that offers detailed profiles, filtering options, and privacy features. Identify individuals with similar values and long-term goals to increase compatibility.

3. Can online marriage counseling help us prepare for a healthy marriage?Yes, online marriage counseling and premarital counseling can provide valuable insights and help couples navigate their differences, which can lead to a stronger relationship.

4. What are love languages, and why are they important in a relationship?Love languages are ways people express and receive love. Understanding each other’s love language can strengthen your emotional connection and improve relationship satisfaction.

5. How do I handle love problems or disagreements in my relationship?Effective communication, patience, and understanding are key. If needed, couples therapy or love problem solution experts can provide tools to address disagreements respectfully.

Final Thoughts: Building a Lasting, Fulfilling Partnership

Finding a perfect partner involves looking beyond surface-level attractions. It’s about building a relationship based on love, trust, and mutual respect. Whether you’re connecting through TruelyMarry (+91 8303930005) or meeting people offline, take time to evaluate compatibility, shared values, and communication. Focus on building a relationship that nurtures growth and brings out the best in each other. A fulfilling partnership takes patience, understanding, and a willingness to grow together, and with the right partner by your side, you can face life’s journey with confidence and joy.

[myaffirmai]

How Relationship Affirmations Can Improve Your Love Life

In the journey of love and partnership, maintaining a positive, enriching connection requires effort, understanding, and often, a little extra boost from powerful tools like affirmations. The practice of using positive statements, or affirmations, to improve one's mindset and emotional well-being can be incredibly effective, especially in the context of a romantic relationship. MyAffirm.ai emphasizes the profound impact that tailored affirmations can have in nurturing and enhancing your love life.

Understanding Relationship Affirmations

Relationship affirmations are positive statements that are specifically designed to reinforce the qualities of a strong, healthy relationship. They focus on fostering love, respect, understanding, and support between partners. According to psychologists, affirmations can significantly influence our thoughts and emotions, helping to manifest our desires into reality. When used regularly, these affirmations strengthen the mental pathways associated with positive relationship experiences and emotions.

The Benefits of Relationship Affirmations

Enhanced Communication: One of the cornerstones of a thriving relationship is open and honest communication. Relationship affirmations encourage partners to express their feelings and needs transparently, reducing misunderstandings and fostering a deeper connection. For instance, affirming "We communicate openly and with respect" helps reinforce the practice of healthy communication.

Increased Emotional Connection: Affirmations like "I am deeply connected with my partner's emotional world" can enhance empathy, allowing partners to feel more connected to each other's emotional states. This shared emotional understanding builds a stronger bond and a more intimate relationship.

Resilience in Conflict Resolution: Every relationship faces challenges, but how these are managed can make a significant difference. Affirmations such as "We handle our conflicts with patience and love" remind couples to approach disagreements with a positive outlook, ensuring that these moments lead to growth rather than resentment.

Reinforcement of Commitment and Love: Regularly affirming your commitment and love can reinforce the bond you share with your partner. Phrases like "Every day, I appreciate my partner more" help keep the feelings of love and appreciation alive, even during routine or challenging times.

How to Create Effective Relationship Affirmations

Creating effective affirmations involves focusing on what you genuinely aspire to cultivate in your relationship. MyAffirm.ai suggests the following guidelines:

Be Positive: Frame affirmations in a positive tone. Instead of saying "We no longer misunderstand each other," use "We understand each other completely."

Be Specific: The more specific your affirmation, the better. Include details that resonate with your relationship goals.

Use the Present Tense: Speak as if you already have the qualities or relationship you desire, such as "I am in a loving, secure relationship."

Examples of effective relationship affirmations include:

"I always speak kindly to and about my partner."

"I cherish the moments of laughter and joy we share."

"Our relationship grows stronger with each passing day."

Implementing Affirmations in Your Relationship

To integrate affirmations into your daily routine, consider the following tips from MyAffirm.ai:

Recite Together: Spend a few minutes each day reciting your affirmations together. This can strengthen your bond and ensure you both are aligned with your relationship goals.

Set Reminders: Use tools or apps that remind you to practice your affirmations. This can be particularly helpful in maintaining consistency.

Reflect: After reciting affirmations, spend some time reflecting on the meanings behind the words. This can deepen the impact of the affirmations.

Conclusion

Relationship affirmations are more than just words; they are commitments to a continued and evolving partnership. By consciously choosing to affirm positive aspects of your relationship, you are laying down the foundation for a loving, resilient, and fulfilling partnership. Start incorporating these powerful tools into your daily routine with MyAffirm.ai and watch as your love life transforms, blossoming into its fullest potential.

[beevean]

SEGA and its most recent Sonamy side – more canon than ever

[Translator’s note: this article was originally written in Spanish by @latin-dr-robotnik​]

Hello again! Today we’d like to discuss about something that’s been happening recently, and probably taking Sonic fans by surprise: what is going on with SEGA and its stance about Sonamy?

At the beginning of this year, to celebrate the 200 articles on Seaside Hill Paradise, I finished what I call “the Sonamy trilogy” of articles that I started in 2018 and which cover different themes, such as:

SEGA and the eternal issue of the Sonic-Amy dynamic

“I love you” – Forbidden words in Sonic

SEGA and the eternal issue of “Sonic’s girlfriend”

The idea was to offer a more-or-less complete analysis about the many facets of their dynamic in the last 27 years; a dynamic that, you may have noticed, is not that easy to pin down, and that we’ve been updating almost regularly (although I also intended to investigate on other dynamics, like Knuckles and Rouge’s for example, and write about them). Generally speaking, in these articles I don’t draw objective conclusions about the status of the ship in canon (despite the fact that the available information tends to confirm it in various occasions). I also like to repeat myself and say that shipping is supposed to be for fun, not for tearing each other’s hair in that black hole of misery that is Twitter, but recent events left us slightly perplexed, and this is why we’re here once again.

We left the status of the Sonamy canonicity with these two peculiar instances back in August: Sonic mentioning his “girlfriend” in the Japanese version of Sonic Battle, and the Twitter account of SEGA of Europe saying Sonamy is their “favorite videogame romance”. Now, let’s recap a bit…

Sonamy in Sonic IDW... Round 3

[SPOILERS ALERT FOR IDW SONIC #14-#35]

In 2018, when IDW just started, I decided to study a little how the Sonamy dynamic worked in this new universe. To our surprise, the comic didn’t waste time in dropping its biggest bomb, in one of the cutest scenes we had seen in ages. Since the very beginning, IDW proved that it didn’t intend to deceive those fans that looked for a bit of development of both characters.

I wrote an article about it in June 2019, and it coincided with the beginning of one of the most infamous arc I’ve seen in a Sonic comic for a long time: the Metal Virus Saga. The question is, what has happened since then?

Well, in 2019, with the same accuracy of an aimbot, I said “We’ll probably see some new interactions between Sonic and Amy sometime around IDW #20”. And wouldn’t you know, as misery and tragedy settled in that arc, it was exactly around IDW #20 that we saw some Sonamy interactions: both exhausted, to their limit, with a Sonic that couldn’t even touch Amy to soothe her pain, due to him being infected with the virus.

The arc developed like this in what felt like an eternity, to finally conclude in one the most absurd ways in Sonic history. But it wasn’t a complete disappointment, as, after months and months of asking and discussing on the internet about how much Sonic and Amy deserved a hug at the end of the arc… it actually happened.

Since that moment in IDW #32, we shippers thought that it was what both of them deserved after so much time spent separated and pushed to their limit to survive, but also that after the end of the arc everything would go back to normal. However, what we didn’t know was that the Sonamy train had no intention of stopping, not in IDW, nor anywhere else.

A recurring detail in IDW Sonic is that Amy’s tail starts wagging every time she sees Sonic, as if she was a happy dog. I swear, it happens every time.

Come IDW #35, once again we have some hugs and bits of dialogue between our hedgehogs. For sure, the question here isn’t their relationship itself, as it was for IDW #2, but rather the issues this arc is slowly dealing with. But it’s really nice to see them again, sharing that closeness that they’ve had in the comic since the beginning– be it with some gestures of affection, a wink, a gesture, a private joke.

My favorite image is the first one, Belle’s reaction to seeing Amy hugging Sonic. It’s like she’s thinking “oh, is she his girlfriend?”, and she wouldn’t even be wrong in thinking that.

It can’t be denied that IDW Sonic provided us the conversations and the emotions that the games seldom do. Certainly, the comic has its share of issues and it’s not really a story that I personally follow for its own merits (it’s more because it’s still Sonic, for my interest for things like this, and Belle’s existence… whom I already ship with Tails, sorry not sorry), but what it does well it does really well.

For now, we have to see how IDW Sonic will follow the development of the characters, especially in view of the closure of the current story and beyond. And we may be done with this part of the article, but there is still a lot left.

Sonamy in merchandise

Taking us completely by surprise, recently SEGA launched, in collaboration with Hot Topic, a series of Sonamy-themed t-shirts. No, seriously.

So many people told me this as soon as the voice spread (you know who you are, thank you guys for thinking about me <3), and I can’t help being still surprised that this is actually a thing. T-shirts with lines like “You’re my favorite”, “Love in the fast lane”, and my personal favorite, “S&A Forever”, with drawings of Classic Sonic and Amy… in SEGA-approved products. I don’t know if you realize how much of a big deal this is, even more than “Celebrate the 25 years of Sonic’s girlfriend” from 2018.

One of the things that surprised me the most (aside from how explicit they are in officializing the relationship, and the fact that there are still 2 months left before Valentine’s Day 2021), was the decision to use Classic Sonic and Classic Amy. I tried to understand this decision by analyzing the simplicity and easiness with which the Classic designs convey a message (let’s not forget that Classic Sonic was so iconic because it was specifically designed to convey his expressions without words), besides the fact that they’re inherently cuter than their modern designs. There’s also the controversial aspect of post-Adventure Sonamy, with all the dubbing and weird interpretations that the fandom made over the years… By comparison, the Classic design are a much simpler choice.

What is actually going on?

Well, let’s take a step back and think about what we just saw. The way SEGA has been recently trying to push Sonic and Amy in front view (and for the entirety of 2020, based on the articles I mentioned in the beginning) tells us the harsh truth we all have to accept sooner or later: Sonamy sells, and it sells a lot.

From a strictly business point of view, the ship is so iconic and popular, with fans and detractors alike, that it would be absurd for SEGA to ignore the chance to print these two characters and get a load of money. As I said in my 2018 article, despite the fact that in Japan Sonic isn’t as big of an icon as it is elsewhere, they know pretty well that Sonic + Amy = love, and they have huge amounts of merchandise to back it up. It’s in the West that because of different cultural values, of which we’ve already talked about, along with some internal resistance, left this aspect of the franchise a little on the side. But they’ve been trying to fix it… and how…

Let’s not forget that a decade and a half ago Sonic Team seriously favored Sonamy. They officially said it, Sonic X was their purest view of Sonic they had at the time.

Outside of the business perspective, I believe we’re facing the moment that we’ve been waiting for: it’s time they’ll establish once and for all the dynamic of these two characters, following more closely the original Japanese vision of Sonic. I said many times that, in trying to change canon, the West, especially SEGA of America, did nothing but confuse fans and generate more discussions than needed, by introducing different data and portrayals that contradict the canon established by Sonic Team.

We’ve talked about Unleashed and emotional support, about Sonic X, about the major moments that opened the door to interpreting this dynamic as something more. We don’t threaten at gunpoint those who would rather stay away, but we respond to those declarations that still try to violently discredit the simple fact that Sonic and Amy, who are most of all close friends, form in some measure a couple that, even with its imposed limitations, manages to captivate fans and not fans everywhere in the world. Even the Simpsons used it as a joke, and that says a lot.

What the future has in store for us.

Unless something else happens in this last month of 2020, this is the most complete compilation I can offer at the moment about the status of Sonamy in the fandom and in the official canon. Yes, canon.

It’s impossible to ignore the signals. As you may have noticed, I’ve been considering Sonic and Amy as an official couple, with its clarifications (for example, that at the end it’s more of a friendship, that it’s not a romantic relationship in the most explicit way, that it’s more of a personal perspective to justify a more mature vision of the relationship in the future, not right now), but nowadays I think that SEGA has spoken loud and clear. I think canon is ready to negotiate the idea that Sonic and Amy, apart from being excellent friends who would risk their lives for each other in a heartbeat, have something else on their hands (probably the other’s hand). This won’t automatically translate into a kiss, or a complete love declaration (although Sonic X came close…), or a commitment to a formal relationship like we know them in real life. SEGA canon affirms that Amy is “Sonic’s girlfriend” and nothing more. Outside of that detail, they still pretty much function as friends interacting with a little flirting here, and a little Sonic running away there. It’s the basis of their dynamic, now enhanced by the fact that SEGA is giving us a clearer message.

I think that this all may culminate in a game or an animated series, but I wouldn’t completely count on that. It is good to recognize how far the official position goes on this issue, but at the same time I want to reaffirm that there are things that are better left in the hands of the fandom, and in the meantime that IDW or any other continuity gives us hugs, winks, gestures and words of encouragement, we as the fandom will take care of exploring other avenues and hypothetical scenarios.

This is all I have to say on the matter for now, and I hope you’re happy with this wonderful Sonamy experience we’re going through – I certainly am. See you next time!

[stillbandofbrothersthirsty]

How Do You Feel

PART 5 (heads up, this part is pretty angsty compared to the other parts)

Julia never knew the pain of time before that week. The boys had left for Upottery Airfield at the end of the month, leaving her behind with a scattering of staff - mostly females - in Aldbourne. In one fell swoop, Julia had been separated from her boss, best friend, and their family of Easy Company men. She felt purposeless. Each minute of the day was spent either trying to gather any tidbit of information she could or trying to get the time to pass faster.

There was work to be done but there was no urgency to it as all of Aldbourne held their breath waiting for the paratroopers to make their first jump into Europe. Finally, on June 6th, the news of the invasion arrived. The news must have reached them after the men had already landed, Julia thought. All of Julia willed George to be among the paratroopers who made it to the ground. They were separated by roughly 376 miles but it might as well have been another universe. The things he would face were beyond her imagination, but the notion that he hadn’t even made it to the fight was even more unthinkable. Across the channel George’s training was kicking in. As a radioman, he carried more weight than the average rifleman. This responsibility had once been a joke; of course, George Luz was a radioman, he had the largest mouthpiece in the company. In training, it had been a piece of cake. George picked up the shorthand and coded language like it was nothing. But no one had prepared him for what it meant to be the vessel of all communication - or lack there off. No one had prepared him for how helpless it felt listening to officers with thinly veiled panic in their voices shouting for support. No one had prepared him for the desperate feeling of being the one on the radio hoping and praying that the person on the other end understood your request, and would show up for you. Only in the quiet moments at night when it was dark would George allow himself to think of Julia. He didn’t want to associate her face with a bloodied corpse he would inevitably pass. He couldn’t bear to imagine her laugh among the gunfire. In the states, in England, they had shared a paradise and now he was in hell; there was no reconciling the two worlds. The near month in France took everything out of George. It was one thing to be physically exhausted, but his soul was worn down. He was more than aware of how he was seen in the company. He couldn’t let his guard down for the Germans or for his comrades. If the clown stopped smiling how would anyone else know when to smile? Julia anxiously received the few letters George managed to write. By the time they reached her, they were worn from water and the exchange of hands but she was grateful to have them anyways. Each letter she received meant he was still alive. All around her, the staff and ladies of Aldbourne received letters, each one affirmed George’s survival. His death would have been mentioned by someone because everyone knew George Luz, Julia’s George. Leading up to D-Day, George and Julia’s antics had grown beyond subtle. Their intimacy had become an unspoken, accepted fact of life in Aldbourne. Julia’s romance with Chuck was an often forgotten memory. But no one knew what the true nature of their relationship was, including George and Julia. While the troops were in France, Julia’s colleagues awkwardly stumbled across polite inquiries regarding George’s wellbeing. Was he a friend or a romantic partner? Perhaps something more considering their intimate relations. Julia didn’t know, nor really cared how they defined it because in her mind she was simply waiting for her best friend. Her patience was rewarded at the end of the month when a bedraggled Easy Company made their way back to Aldbourne. George trundled along the rain-worn roads of the English countryside in a lorry, Frank Perconte to his left and Buck Compton to his right. He was cracking jokes; though the men were exhausted the adrenaline of relief coursed through them. They had survived D-Day plus some and were back in England to tell their tales. Men chattered excitedly about hot meals, pretty women, and where they would take their leave. It sounded like a coalition was forming in favor of London. That sounded pretty good to George. All he wanted was to get blindingly drunk and cause a lot of mischief with his best friends - excluding Julia. The places and things the soldiers had in mind for London were not appropriate for a lady, even George’s easy-going, tough-as-nails Julia. George spotted Julia immediately as his lorry rolled onto the base. She was dressed in civilian clothes, a bright yellow dress that had to be new. He had never seen her in it before and he would have remembered if he had because she shone like a ray of sunshine. George swung his body out of the truck, throwing his rucksack on his back. Julia stood at the center of a group of women, half in uniforms, half in civilian clothes. She searched the crowd of incoming soldiers for George. As soon as she spotted him she rushed towards him, flinging her body into his arms when they met. “You’re back,” Julia sighed a deep sigh of relief. George gripped her tightly, “thanks for waiting.” Julia stepped back from him with a wide smile, the beginning of tears formed in her eyes. 

“Hey, hey,” George said lightly, “none of that. Don’t go soft on me now!” Julia laughed, a sound that caused George’s heart to soar. She wiped the tears away with a smile, “I’m just so glad you’re back! Now I’ll save some money on postage.” “Pretty sure you get the same military allowance I do,” George said, “by the way, I love the dress!” “Yeah?” Julia twirled on the spot, “your favorite color.” George tried to keep his smile cool. Yeah, she was his best friend, of course, she knew his favorite color. But something warmed his heart to think she took his preference into consideration when she purchased it. “Great for summer,” he said. The first days of his return were spent in bliss. George thanked all of his lucky stars each day for returning him to his paradise. Winters wasn’t about to let the men slip; he had training exercises and calisthenics planned for each day. But George found himself with more free time than before D-Day and he easily slipped back into his routine of visiting Julia both during the day and at night. The men were granted one week off and the majority of Easy Company decided to go to London. Winters warned them that they were still paratroopers, they needed to maintain the dignity of their uniforms. His words were of no consequence because a new energy had grown in each surviving man. There was a new wildness about them, a vivaciousness that could only be satisfied by debauchery. It was only in George’s nature to lead the charge, along with Bill Guarnere, John Martin, Floyd Talbert, Don Malarkey, Joe Toye, and the other gambling-fan, oversexed paratroopers. To say the least, the week in London was wild. Gambling and drinking ran rampant as relieved soldiers from across England filtered into the city. Money, alcohol, and women kept the men busy and got them into trouble. Headlines in the paper joked that the American’s had done more damage to the city than the blitz. One evening when George was particularly drunk he followed Bill and Joe into a particularly seedy bar near Piccadilly Circus. Bill introduced him and Joe to a few women he had met the previous night. George felt reckless with the alcohol coursing through his veins so when the thought of Julia crept into his mind he had no regard to how their relationship had evolved over the last few months. More importantly, he disregarded rule number five. George didn’t wear a condom that night, a realization he had when he woke up in a panic at 7 am the next day in a stranger's bed. George didn’t say anything about the week to Julia when he returned. He brushed off her questions with short answers about how it was fun and a great time with the guys. Rumors swirled around Aldbourne about how raucous of a time the men had had. The non-specific gossip only made Julia smile and shake her head. The boys deserved a fun time, she thought. It was perfectly understandable that they had wanted to blow off some steam. But the energy changed between her and George when he returned from London. The honeymoon period that had experienced upon his arrival was over and George suddenly felt like a foreigner to her. He was himself, but different. There was an edge to him that hadn’t been there before. It was faint, just a whisper in his eyes when he told a joke, but Julia could sense it. He was still quick to laugh but there was an occasional bitterness to it. As a couple, they grew more reckless. Not in their playful disregard for subtly but in their intimacy. They had been diligently safe before D-Day but since George’s return, there were more and more instances of not using protection. Whenever paranoia crept into George’s mind the reckless monster that had latched onto him since coming back reared its ugly head. Fuck it. He thought. He didn’t care. In turn, Julia found herself lacking the energy to remind him. In the moments they shared she was so desperate to connect with him that she ached for the closeness of his raw body. “George?” Julia whispered. There was no answer. Maybe he was asleep, she thought. They had only finished having sex a few moments ago but when Julia returned from cleaning up George was turned away from her. She gently placed a palm on his back. The smallest connection. On the other side of the bed, George was awake, starring into the darkness. He wanted nothing more than to roll over into her arms but he couldn’t bring himself to move. Any clear thought refused to form in his brain. He barely noticed the heavy wetness forming in his eyes as he searched the wall for the strength to return to his former self. In France, the nights had offered the greatest respite. But in Aldbourne, it was the days that George preferred. The days meant comfortable routine, people to laugh and joke with, and sunshine without shrapnel raining down. At night George couldn’t see anything except for scenes of destruction painted on the back of his eyelids. “How did you feel about your competition?” Floyd Talbert teased Julia one day at lunch. “What?” Julia asked innocently biting into an apple. George squirmed down on the bench beside her. “What’re we talkin’ about?” he asked.



“Apparently I’ve got some competition,” Julia smiled playfully at George but there was a hesitance in her eyes. George’s stomach clenched. It wasn’t as if he was forbidden to be with other women. For all intents and purposes, nothing had changed regarding their agreement and Julia understood that. George’s guilt came from the uncertainty of whether or not he had contracted anything from his lustful night in London. It was a thought he had had a few times since reuniting with Julia but his reckless monster always tamped down the guilt. “Is that so?” George deflected as he pushed the food around on his tray. “Don’t worry Jules,” Floyd reassured her, “you’ve got his heart. He had to pay for it!” “Actually, we covered it,” Joe Toye grumbled from down the table. “Ol' George couldn’t locate his wallet,” Bill chortled from beside Joe, “it’s alright, we told him he gets to cover us next time we go.” Julia chuckled along with the men’s laughs but George didn’t miss the flint-like look in her eyes. “Paid for it, George?” Julia didn’t wait long to ask. She cornered him soon as they exited the mess hall. “Look, it was just a bit of fun,” George said calmly. “George, sleeping with women in town is one thing but a prostitute,” Julia hissed. “I didn’t know they were prostitutes!” George held his hands up in defense. Julia narrowed her eyes at him, “I have a hard time believing that.” “It doesn’t matter anyway, it’s my business. That was our agreement.” Julia’s mouth tightened into a thin line, “did you at least use protection?”



“What kind of question is that?”



“I have to ask, I’m sorry. I know it’s your business but with how irresponsible we’ve been lately I want to make sure - with a prostitute… they’re at much higher risk for disease.” “That’s not only my fault we haven’t been using protection, you could also remind-,” “George, you’re not answering my question.” Julia had her arms crossed across her chest, a desperate look was growing in her eyes. “I don’t have anything. No lumps, no bumps, nothing,” George said. “So you didn’t use a condom?” Julia raised her eyebrows. “No. I-I don’t know!” George said quickly. Julia’s face filled with thunder, “how do you not remember?” “I was drunk.” “I’ve seen you drunk. Even when you’re drunk off your ass you're coherent enough to remember if you used a condom or not!” “Jules-,”



“Answer the question, George!” Julia was nearly shouting now. “No.” Julia wanted to cry, from anger or from the hurt she didn’t know. George hung his head in shame. “Okay,” Julia did her best to keep her voice level, “thank you for being honest. But this,” she gestured between them, “is done.” Julia walked down the road towards her office. “Julia!” George stumbled after her, “Julia, no, I didn’t do anything wrong!” “George you broke rule number five! No bringing anything back!” “I didn’t bring anything back! I told you I don’t have-,”


Julia whirled on him, “even if there are no lumps, bumps, or whatever who knows what you could be carrying! And that doesn’t even matter because we were together as soon as you got back from London before you would have known if your dick was all bumpy!” she gestured angrily at him. “You betrayed my trust, George! This makes me feel unsafe.”


A knot formed in George’s throat at her words. “Jules, I-,” “Just,” Julia sighed and held her hands up in exasperation, “leave me alone. Give me some space.” George watched helplessly as Julia walked back to headquarters. He wanted to be angry with her, she was over-reacting, he thought. Just wait until he told Perco about how irrational she was being, Frank would take his side. But really, George felt terrible. His rational brain realized how much he had messed up. By the grace of God, he had been returned to his paradise only to burn it down with his own stupidity.

[dweemeister]

Yi Yi (2000, Taiwan)

At the beginning of Edward Yang’s Yi Yi (translated as “A one and a two…”), the film samples a piece adapted from the final movement of Ludwig van Beethoven’s Symphony No. 9. That movement, containing the “Ode to Joy” (its lyrics from a poem of the same name), was the composer’s refutation of a belief he held when he was younger – the necessity for heroic revolutionary leaders to deliver freedom to the masses. Napoleon’s declaration of himself as Emperor and the decisions made by the Congress of Vienna in 1804 and 1814-1815, respectively, obliterated political freedoms across Europe in favor of repressive police states. Beethoven was disillusioned by these developments. By the time of the Ninth Symphony’s debut, he was completely deaf and had endured decades of intense suffering. Within the lyrics in the “Ode to Joy” was Beethoven’s statement celebrating Enlightenment ideals – universal brotherhood in diversity, liberty, and an individual’s right to the pursuit of happiness. The pursuit of happiness, of course, guarantees neither happiness nor self-fulfillment, as Beethoven himself must have known. In that spirit, Edward Yang’s final film follows a middle-class Taiwanese family as each family member grasps for meaning and purpose. Films as keenly observant of the daily joys and disappointments of life such as Yi Yi are rare. It is a masterpiece of filmmaking and human drama.

Just before the turn of the twentieth to the twentieth-first century in Taipei lives the Jian family. Father NJ (Wu Nien-jen), mother Min-Min (Elaine Jin), teenage daughter Ting-Ting (Kelly Lee), and eight-year-old son Yang-Yang (Jonathan Chang) are attending the wedding reception of Min-Min’s brother A-Di (Chen His-Sheng). Shortly after the reception, Min-Min’s mother (Tang Ru-yun) falls ill and has a stroke. After emergency intervention and treatment in the hospital, she remains comatose following her discharge. But even before this development, Edward Yang has been laying the groundwork for his film’s intricate, but comprehensible, structure.

The film divides its time between the Jians, maintaining a delicate balance throughout (even if Min-Min is largely absent in the film’s second half). Downstairs from the wedding reception, NJ has a chance encounter with his ex-girlfriend Sherry (Ko Su-yun). Sherry wants to reconnect, answer lingering questions. Years removed from their relationship, NJ is busy with an unfulfilling job and an incoming visitor in Japanese businessman Mr. Ota (Issey Ogata). Min-Min – who falls into a depression upon seeing her mother’s comatose state – leaves for a Buddhist monastery well after Yi Yi settles into its rhythm. She only resurfaces just before the conclusion. At fourteen years old, Ting-Ting is witnessing others pursue romance as she develops romantic feelings of her own. As many former teenagers know, those are awkward years, guided by nothing resembling one’s present wisdom. The target of his classmates’ bullying and frequent condescending remarks from his teacher, Yang-Yang goes about his life mostly alone. Yet in his loneliness and quiet, he observes others astutely. “Daddy,” he asks, “I can’t see what you see and you can’t see what I see. How can I know what you see?… can we only know half of the truth?”

Yi Yi’s characters grapple with the unknowable, the misunderstood, and the unspoken truths that are just in front of them. Their stories interweave with each other’s, forming a current rippling gently through each of their lives. Characters are occasionally seen through windows with the camera positioned outside – at times obscured by a glare, at times seen clearly. In the former, the glare suggests the barriers of communication and temperament people develop for their own survival and sanity, or perhaps to delay something unpleasant and inevitable. When no glares are present, there is less conversational or behavioral pretense. But in those moments, the characters’ feelings of isolation – from family, friends, or society – envelop the frame. In each instance, Yang (who also wrote the film’s screenplay) and cinematographer Yang Wei-han (1985’s Taipei Story, 2008’s 1895) capture each character’s disorientation in navigating the course of their lives amid a bustling metropolis. These shots through the window also encapsulate how difficult it is for us to understand the perspectives of others. Yang-Yang could be onto something; maybe the best we can hope for is to know half of any human truth.

Those who have seen their share of Japanese cinema may already know what a pillow shot is (or at least the concept of one without knowing the term), and Yang uses something like this technique Yasujirô Ozu perfected in order to have the audience reflect on the scene that has just occurred. Instead of a silent moment intercut with shots of sides of buildings, power lines, neon signs, or tea kettles, Yang elects to have additional dialogue or music. Perhaps it comes in the form of Mr. Ota singing “Sukiyaki” (a song wracked with bitter disappointment in its lyrics) and following up by playing Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata while tipsy (Beethoven yet again!), Ting-Ting being annoyed by vocal patrons in a bagel joint, or Yang-Yang escaping his furious teacher by walking into a darkened auditorium where a different class is watching a science documentary. These moments, like Ozu’s pillow shots, have little to do with the film’s overarching storylines. They might serve as moments of characterization but they are, generally, instances of cinematic punctuation. Oftentimes, that punctuation is an ellipses, as many – not all – of the film’s most pivotal moments occur off-screen.

What does Yang unearth in these moments of reflection? The clash of Taiwanese and Western life elements is an aspect of Yi Yi – one could conceivably interpret the film of how the latter has disrupted the former to the detriment of the characters – but Yang does not seem interested in crafting a polemic. Some viewers who might not be as well-versed in modern Asian culture might be surprised by how simultaneously cosmopolitan and traditional Yi Yi may feel. A comedic trip to McDonalds, the Western cultural products, and the use of English in all conversations between NJ and Mr. Ota aside, the issues and conflicted feelings that arise are universal. Yi Yi does not challenge Confucian mores of family and traditional relationships, even if it occasionally pokes fun at tradition. Even though both of the Jian kids are largely left to their own devices (a combination of their father’s long work hours and their mother’s leave of absence to the monastery), they do not defy authority figures for the sake of defiance.

There are a handful of supporting figures in the film that are having sordid affairs. But these affairs, according to the film, are pathetic and self-debasing – no additional commentary required. Through the prisms of love or friendship, each character is lonely in some fashion. Each family member, with Yang-Yang the exception, acts upon their longing for connection, romantic or platonic, in search of their evolving (and, arguably, never fully-formed) idealizations of how their lives should be. Family life is not the sole defining foundation of modern human existence, as Yang is acutely aware of. And yet, even amid emotional strife and the flurry of activity across the film’s 173 minutes, it is the most stable, predictable, and life-affirming part of each character’s life.

At first glance, it might seem that Yang-Yang is a passive young boy, who only allows things to happen to him. It is difficult to describe this in a reasonable amount of time, but Yang-Yang goes about his life silently, undemandingly, without pursuing childhood notions of friendship or first crushes. It seems Yang-Yang is always observing with his eyes and the lens of his camera. The photos he takes capture things and facets of others that never appear in photographs – the other side of the half of the truth humans can understand. Upon the first presentation of these photos and the ideas behind them to his classmates and teacher, derision follows. But Yang-Yang’s wisdom appears in the film’s final minutes in solemn voice and an acceptance beyond his years. Maybe Yang-Yang’s motivations disappear with age and the pressing concerns of modernity, but his burden is now the viewer’s to bear.

Yi Yi cannot be as effective as it is without its ensemble cast. Though most of the cast are understated, each of their characters occupy their individual stillness and silences in their respective ways. As NJ, Wu Nien-jen portrays a middle-aged man better at internalizing a conflict of personalities than intervening in one. His presence always seems deep in thought, even if he cannot find the words to say immediately how he feels. For Kelly Lee as Ting-Ting, the character is soon to enter her early adult years to a world already so different from when she was younger. Lee’s elegant screen persona reminds me of the many silent film waifs – reticent, shy, earnest – that the likes of Mary Pickford might have played once. Jonathan Chang, the film’s anchor in Yang-Yang, portrays his character without any noticeable exaggerations in voice or physical movement. In silence, Chang makes his presence felt in translating a character exactly as written. And though just a supporting character with little screentime, Issey Ogata as Mr. Ota assumes a bilingual charm – and perhaps the closest the film ever comes to blurring the distinction between screenwriter and character.

This, Edward Yang’s final film before his untimely death in 2007, is the motion picture that cemented his reputation outside Taiwan. Premiering at the 2000 Cannes Film Festival, Yi Yi garnered widespread acclaim, a nomination for the Palme d’Or, and a Best Director win for Yang. His reputation across the world has only increased in recent years, thanks to home media releases of this film, Taipei Story (1985), and the dramatic epic A Brighter Summer Day (1991).

Viewers could mourn Yang’s passing as an auteur who never lived to become an international living legend of a director, or the sheer democratization and globalization of cinema that has taken place in the early twenty-first century that would have made such a distinction possible. Instead, in just considering Yi Yi by itself, we have a complete movie – one where every frame has purpose, and the viewer can accept the person that they have become and may still be. Yi Yi affirms a message that Yang and composer Peng Kai-li quote, musically, in the film’s opening minutes. The individual freedom to find one’s own happiness and fulfillment will result in suffering. Such is to exist. Such is to be human. In that suffering, one experiences the possibilities of empathy and the fullness of their humanity.

My rating: 10/10

^ Based on my personal imdb rating. Yi Yi is the one hundred and sixty-third feature-length or short film I have rated a ten on imdb. My interpretation of that ratings system can be found in the “Ratings system” page on my blog (as of July 1, 2020, tumblr is not permitting certain posts with links to appear on tag pages, so I cannot provide the URL).

For more of my reviews tagged “My Movie Odyssey”, check out the tag of the same name on my blog.

[wedreamedlove]

(Price of) Freedom [Bai Qi Character Study]

JP finished their run of Bai Qi's Mystery Wings event and after reading everything I haven't been the same— LOL much like how I was after his Spring Festival Date, so now I'm subjecting you all to a rambly think piece.

Disclaimer: I use CN and JP quotes, so they'll differ from the ENG version. Spoilers up to Chapter 19 + unreleased ENG cards.

FREEDOM, WHAT IS IT?

I don't think it's a secret now that Bai Qi had a harsh childhood. But, for the sake of my think piece and to refresh everyone's memories, I'll go through it again.

[Rumors and Secrets: Little Guardian] His dad rarely came home, especially after it was confirmed that Bai Qi didn't have any Evol powers. Heck, Bai Qi even heard his parents arguing through a door and saw instances of his mom crying because of his dad.

[Seize SSR: Sad Thoughts Call] Bai Qi reveals that his dad was extremely strict on him and his mom would cry silently in the back for him. The one time his dad smiled Bai Qi felt chills down his spine for the rest of the day.

[Campus Date] Bai Qi thinks about how his dad, and others, would probably be happy to see him die and so, out of sheer spite, he rejects that and decides to live for himself (and MC because she woke his Evol) and not for the recognition of others or the world.

[Main Story 12-18] Bai Qi's mom died in a fire, which is why he's traumatized, and this was another point for his dad to hammer in his uselessness. But Bai Qi re-affirms here that his existence itself is not a point of shame.

[Main Story 15-24] In order to protect MC, Bai Qi makes a deal with the devil (aka. his dad) and his dad says that undergoing the NW Plan has always been Bai Qi's fate, along with his younger brother. In [Rumors and Secrets: Little Guardian] Bai Qi's mother tries to justify to Bai Qi that his dad bears the burden of protecting the country, but you don't sacrifice your family like that and make weapons out of them... lol.

Okay, knowing Bai Qi's past now, I'm going to bring up my header question. Freedom, what is it and how does it relate to Bai Qi? In this case, I think a lot of what Bai Qi is trying to escape is the confinement of his father. "His joining of the special forces symbolizes the difference of his justice compared to his father" [CN Profile].

It's not a coincidence that Bai Qi gets these symbols:

WIND: Classic symbol of something that is utterly free and cannot be controlled. Bai Qi literally controls the wind.

SKY: He's always flying around in the sky. He's not using his power on the ground. He also has a lot of scenes where he's looking up at the sky and contemplating freedom.

WOLF: Putting aside the propaganda about them being monsters that hunt livestock, they're seen as symbols of freedom, instinct, and the wild world. Bai Qi is often described as a wolf [CN Profile + Main Story 19-6].

To further support this, there were two distinct Mystery Wings event entries that referred to the sky too, one with yearning and the other with melancholy:

AMBER

The amber was illuminated by the sun and the sight of its transparent waves concealed a gentleness in their coolness.

She suddenly thought this amber was exactly like those eyes.

It was something that happened in late autumn.

She was walking in the hallway in front of the upper grades’ classes when her eyes unconsciously stopped on a certain classroom.

Shabby curtains blew in the breeze and, amongst them, there was a young man standing by the window and staring at the sky.

His features weren’t sharp, but a glimpse of an indifference and air which prevented people from getting close to him could be seen.

Light and shadow shone in both eyes. Those pure and clear eyes reflected the sunlight and it was as if they were luring travelers to that deep sea at the last stop of oblivion.

Those eyes glimmered far more than this amber.

BAI QI'S PIERCING

The face of the young man in the mirror was indifferent and there was a bruise beside his mouth. His hair, damp from the rain, stuck to his forehead. A dark shadow fell over those amber-like eyes.

He didn't find it painful the first time he put on earrings.

Instead, he felt exhilarated like whenever he raised his fists.

Bai Qi wiped at the blood around the edge of his piercing with his hand. The blood mixed with the crimson color on the back of his hand until a distinction couldn’t be made.

Rain, which fell increasingly harder, pounded at the window as if it were giving praise to a meaningless hero.

He quietly leaned against a wall and looked up at the dark sky.

Just how long would this rain continue for?

I posit that that Bai Qi and freedom are intrinsically linked. It's something he needs and is the bedrock of his character, much like his unwavering sense of justice. Does he get it? Yes! Like I mentioned above, he joined the special forces to separate from his dad.

But also, and what's most important, is that he finds freedom in making MC his home, his flag, and his convictions. If you don't have a place to call home then you're not roaming the world in freedom, you're just lost in the world.

I also like how this can be linked back to his wolf symbolism, because wolves are pack animals. Yes, the lone wolf imagery is romantic but lone wolves travel to find a place to belong because they tend to die when they're alone. "The strength of the pack is the wolf, and the strength of the wolf is the pack."

In addition to being symbols of freedom, they're also charismatic symbols and social symbols. I feel like this also gets reflected by how inspiring Bai Qi is just from having an unwavering sense of justice. Han Ye and Gu Zheng's presence, and their respect for Bai Qi, reflect his charisma.

Admittedly, it's ironic that I love Bai Qi so much when one of my favorite poems, "For women who are 'difficult' to love" by Warsan Shire, has a line that goes "You can't make homes out of human beings". I'd understand if people who strongly agree with this sentiment don't find Bai Qi an interesting character, and that's a-okay!

But, and I can't stress this enough, we shouldn't deprive or devalue others of their life's choices if it's not actively harming others.

FREEDOM IS HER

For Bai Qi, MC represents his freedom because, without her, he wouldn't have a home to come back to and he'd be lost out in the world. Important things need to be reiterated.

[Endless Abyss SSR Beside You Call] Bai Qi returned from a mission but, instead of sleeping, the first thing he wants to do is go and pick up MC to send her to work.

[Brilliant Date] Bai Qi returns from a mission and, again, goes to see her immediately without returning home first because he made a promise.

[Loneliness SR Wind and Care Call] Bai Qi literally says "Because I have a place for my heart, I can fly anywhere."

Meanwhile, in one of the Mystery Wings event entries:

BAI QI'S BRACELET

Before Bai Qi went on a mission, he entrusted his own bracelet to her. She gripped his bracelet and prayed for his safety with a smile.

He looked at her and repeated the same words once, and then once more.

“Don’t worry. I’ll come back right away.”

Finishing his mission, he noticed he received calls and messages on his phone.

The city at dawn was still somewhat lonely.

He went to reply to the messages but, unlike before, he couldn’t find the words to say.

A night wind blew. Urged by that wind, he came to the window of her room as if possessed by something.

Illuminated by the faint moonlight, he could clearly see something shining in the corner of her eyes. Her brows were furrowed like she was having a nightmare.

His bracelet was firmly gripped in her hand.

Bai Qi recalled that fragile call history and messages and went to stand beside her. Then he gently wiped away the tears at her eyes with his hand.

“I’m sorry… I’m back.”

Look, I can't make it clearer that he goes to her because she's metaphorically his home. I'm also not going to repeat it here but if you look at my post about Bai Qi being in love, you'll see how much he focuses on MC in general because his being is attuned to her.

In a sense, Bai Qi is an extension of MC and it also supports how their sense of justice mirrors each other. Upholding good is engraved in their characters.

P-please, don't get me wrong, this doesn't mean he has no personality and has just built everything around her. He has hobbies on his own like basketball, tinkering with gadgets, growing succulents, treating injured animals, riding his motorbike, and astronomy.

Okay, the rest of this section is just going to be me gushing about the Mystery Wings event and the [Brilliant Date] that accompanies it because there was so much going on. First, let's tackle the date:

Ribbing about Bai Qi's naming sense and the play on words was lost in ENG. In CN the dove is called "Little White" which can be read "Little Bai", as in a small Bai Qi, because his name in CN has the character for white. This makes "Pearly" a literal symbol for Bai Qi, and they set the dove completely free at the end.

There's an exchange in this date where ENG goes "Does it mean I get your place?" and "I get your place. Now I give one back to you" but an interesting and cute thing here is that, in CN, the word he's using isn't as simple as just "giving". Bai Qi is specifically using a military word here that means "to occupy, intrude, or seize". He's such a nerd and it reflects his background LOL.

More on the above, because this uncommon verb is so interesting. It carries an aggressive connotation because it's implying military intrusion. The other person gives up all rights to their territory when you're occupying it. But Bai Qi gives the same rights to her for his room.

Freedom discussion and metaphors everywhere in this date, but when MC was talking about how all she needs is the wind and the sun (her monologue reveals that Bai Qi provides the wind and his presence beside her is her light) to feel freedom, Bai Qi never removes his eyes from her. He doesn't express his agreement or disagreement about what he thinks freedom is... he shows it with his actions of focusing his complete attention on her. She's his freedom!

Leaving the date now, I want to point out [Light Bath SSR: Tenderness Call] and how Bai Qi thinks he only shows his gentleness towards select people, for example his mother and MC. This is another mark of how he doesn't let anyone get close to him except for MC because he is her extension.

On that note, there is a reason I keep saying Bai Qi is MC's extension, but not that MC is his extension as well and that it's a two-way link. The reason I say this is, because, Bai Qi continues to need that freedom (MC) and yearns for that freedom (MC).

Below are four entries from the Mystery Wings event that showcase this longing for MC that Bai Qi experienced through high school, when his want for freedom was at its highest:

THE SECOND BUTTON

Life in high school came with romantic but illogical rumors. For example, things like if you confessed on the 7th step of the stairway in the corner of the 3rd floor then it’ll succeed, or if you carved your name and another person’s name on the 6th tree in the courtyard at the back then your misunderstandings will be resolved, of if a guy gave the girl he liked the second button of his uniform on graduation day then the two of them will end up happy together.

Generally, the guys acted as if they didn’t believe in these rumors, but they secretly held expectations inside their hearts.

But Bai Qi marked these all off as being stupid.

One day at lunch, a conversation between girls entered his ears.

“The rumors about the second button are romantic, aren’t they? Whoever gets one is sure to be happy~!”

There was a familiar voice mixed in amongst them. He glanced over abruptly and her face, full of yearning, leapt into his eyes.

“… Graduation, huh.”

He raised his head in thought. He suddenly couldn’t wait for graduation.

However, he didn’t give her the second button he tore off.

That button, together with a brisk air, was stored carefully inside a case.

PINK BANDAID

Bai Qi sat in the corner of the classroom. His lacked the spirit it had shown when he had been in the library.

He mussed his hair like he was at a complete loss and recalled how he had met her at the entrance of the library just now. Her startled and anxious expression floated into his mind.

“… Did I scare her again?”

After a while, Minor came bursting in.

"Bai Qi, Bai Qi!!!”

He waved the pink bandaid he was holding as if he was excited.

“This… Put this on!”

Bai Qi didn’t respond at all.

“She gave it!!”

Bai Qi startled when he heard those words and stared at the bandaid Minor was holding in a daze. The wound at his mouth stung. His fingers also prickled a little.

He carefully took that bandaid, treating it as if it was his world’s most precious treasure…

Later on, this pink bandaid was always taped on his heart and, every time he stepped into the swamp-like darkness of the night, it gave off a faint warmth.

GINGKO CHARM

After he learned about her identity, he went out personally to buy protection for her.

He desperately thought of a way to protect her.

Suddenly, when he saw a ginkgo leaf fall in front of him, a certain memory came back to his mind. The memory of that time when the wind blew and he was guided by the melody she played…

It was possible that, from that time on, they were bound tightly by a thread neither of them could see.

He decided to make her a ginkgo bracelet and made an effort to produce it day after day.

The small gold gingko leave brought trouble to him. The first three he made were all scratched and were a loss. On the fourth, he was finally able to make a perfect bracelet.

The sun had long hidden itself and the moon had appeared. Looking at the bracelet which shone faintly underneath the moonlight, he gave a satisfied smile.

He was sure she would like it.

PAST SCHOOL NEWSPAPER

There weren’t a lot of people who would seriously read something like the school newspaper. Notes were written on the underside of the paper’s surface, which wrote exaggeratedly about the awards of clubs and events within the school, and its fate was to be tossed into the garbage after being scribbled on all over.

Bai Qi also didn’t have much interest in the school newspaper.

On the rooftop, Minor bit into his bread and muttered as he stared at the school newspaper he happened to receive earlier.

“Honors student, huh… Bai Qi, you know, I also have good morals, I’m fit, my personality’s good, and my grades aren’t that bad. Maybe I can be the second honors student…”

Bai Qi didn’t respond and glanced over at the picture on the paper.

There, she was bashfully receiving an award on a stage with a happy smile.

“Honors student”… He digested those words in his heart and then stood up and headed towards the door.

“Bai Qi! Bai Qi! Are you going to a fight!? Please take me with you!”

“Class.”

“… Huh?”

I placed this newspaper one last because it also appeared last in the JP event and KOed me, but also reminded me of his [Love of My Life SSR] and how the CN version does not use plain "love" in the card's quote, and I go into more detail about this in my Bai Qi in Love post.

But, basically, the CN version uses a word that means "attachment or longing". It's a subtle difference because, yes, she is the love of his life but also his longing, desire, and aspiration. She keeps him in this world and is something he feels like he needs to strive towards.

I'm just going to bring up his 2019 birthday card, which ENG will be releasing this year, because there's this line that goes:

[CN Tide of Light SSR Chasing Dreams Date] "That year, I did want to give you that letter personally. But I gave myself a way out and left it up to luck. I knew that, at the time, I was still lacking a lot and so I decided that I had to meet you again with my best self."

THE PRICE OF FREEDOM

So, putting aside how one price is Bai Qi feeling like he needs to better himself, the other is that Papergames refuses to give us an easy happiness with this game and, as I mentioned in my Chinese archetype post, Bai Qi is a shoo-in for the Tragic Hero character.

The price exacted for trying to have this freedom is precisely that of his freedom. Unlike the other characters, he has a simple throughline because he literally doesn't care for anything but MC and his justice. Put in other words, he doesn't have anything to lose except MC and his sense of self.

And this is exactly what we see happen in the story:

[Chapter 12] was about losing MC and realizing that, despite all his intentions, perhaps HE is the one who will harm her and cannot protect her.

[Chapter 15] was about losing his sense of self, with another dose of fear of losing MC. Everything he thought he stood up for was a lie.

I might have mentioned elsewhere that it's tragic how he's constantly thrown into situations that try to break his principles. But, now that I'm thinking on this more, I think... he's actually giving up his principles of justice for the MC. Even more tragic is that he's also metaphorically letting his wings get clipped and losing his freedom to preserve MC's safety.

UGH, it's why his character is so tragic and why the end of [Main Story 15-24] was like an enormous blade being dropped on me when there was that descriptive line about how MC had never realized that the sight of someone being unable to stand upright could be so sorrowful.

Maybe I should have said that the price of preserving Bai Qi's home (MC) is his freedom and sense of justice being eroded.

Anyway, oops, I started this off to celebrate how amazingly gorgeous this event and date was and how much it developed Bai Qi's character. But then I just had to tie it back into all the angst LOL.

[adriennemareebrown]

dear readers,

my last blog was one of the longest things i’ve ever written as a single piece, and one of my most read blog pieces. it’s also the most controversial thing i’ve written, and i’ve spent the last couple of weeks swimming in the light and shadow of it.

when i was writing it, i felt clear about the distinctions i wanted to make, the invitation i wanted to make to movement:

can we hold each other as the systems that weaken and distort our humanity crumble? can we release our binary ways of thinking of good and bad in order to collectively grow from mistakes? can we be abolitionist with each other? can we be principled and discerning in movement conflict?

i had people i trust read it beforehand, and when i pressed ‘publish’ i felt scared of what might come, but also faithful…that every word was the most accurate one i know for the feeling i was trying to express, that people would understand my intentions.

the initial waves of feedback, and the overwhelming majority of feedback, has been gratitude and affirmation. i have received so many messages and testimonials from sectors of movement that feel seen in the piece and saddened by the quickness with which we turn against each other, troubled by our apparent collective excitement when we attack each other. the feedback was from long-term organizers, people who identify as survivors, and as those have caused harm, and as both, as neither. some of it was public, and some of it was texts from comrades i hadn’t heard from in a while. i exhaled – what i felt was not just in my head or an isolated crew. my publisher said, let’s get this in print! i felt on purpose thinking of a little book that gives us more options, more patience, more kindness and space for healing together.

but then a second wave of feedback came. from other survivors. and as i listened i felt defensive (did you read the whole piece?), dismissed (don’t you know i am an abolitionist survivor? don’t you know how much abuse intervention i have been a part of?), hurt (why are you coming at me like this?) and, finally, curious: what am i not seeing? not hearing? what do i not know? what can i learn?

i asked more people for feedback, and have had conversations, emails, text threads. i have learned a lot more about some things i thought i knew, heard a lot of tea that people assumed i already knew because my name is reaching further than i can track, learned that so many more people are struggling with call outs in this moment than i had any idea about, and some of them felt helped by my writing, while others felt offended. i have learned how in certain communities the piece exacerbated existing tensions i wasn’t fully aware of. i got clearer on what parts were triggers for people, what parts are political disagreement, and what parts are both. i feel honed in on what is within my expertise, and reaffirmed that celebrity activism is not my jam.

here are some things i am learning:

– i need to be much clearer in my distinctions between harm and abuse. as someone who has experienced both, i was reminded of how important it was to me that my abuse be acknowledged as what it was, not reframed into a lesser impact. how important it was that i be allowed total boundaries, space for rage, space for healing, how much i needed assurance that it wasn’t my fault, and that making sure those who abused and/or harmed me got their healing together wasn’t my job. but as i have moved away from that period of my own life, i have gotten comfortable with the catch-all language of harm and harm doers, which blurs the danger and impact. part of my critique of the way call outs are being used is that not liking someone, social media offenses, power misuse in work settings, movement conflict and sexual assault are all getting the same level of public response. but even in that critique, i collapsed all these distinct experiences into one word, harm. i am sorry for the pain and erasure i know that caused to other survivors.

– i will make better use of content and trigger warnings.

– i explored my argument with language that felt precise to me, and within my right to use as a Black witch. it is also language that has been weaponized against communities i love, and i am earnestly looking for other metaphors to work with.

– i don’t know how we get from here to there. i don’t know if we have what it takes right now to support survivors while also holding an abolitionist lens, and it isn’t fair on my part not to make that apparent gap clear. those who are expert in holding domestic violence, intimate partner violence, rape support and other skilled areas will have to lead in that realm of abolition, in part by pointing all of us towards the skills we need to develop in order to actually take on community accountability. the hopeful news is that we have the teachers…but will we prioritize learning? and how do we not drop long haul survivor support along the way?

– i do believe, deeply, in the power of mediation in instances of conflict and harm, within movements, and including interpersonal conflict and harm. i believe it works because i have held it, and i have seen movements benefit from having people experience principled struggle with each other, set necessary boundaries, request and receive authentic and adequate apologies, and continue to be committed to something larger than themselves.

– i have to be very intentional as i gain more followers. while i did not seek fame or ask for any pedestals, i can’t deny that more people are taking my words seriously. and that is a privilege. i am not taking down the piece because i think more can be learned from keeping it up and being transparent in what i am learning. i do commit to not putting it in print without adaptations that reflect my learning. i see all of this as a larger process of exploring abolition as an emergent strategy, and i am not alone in that exploration.

– i will respect my own depth and complexity and that of my readers by not engaging this conversation on social media. some learning needs to be face to face, heart to heart, or at minimum thoroughly expressed. i am excited for the conversations i am in as a result of the piece, and i feel so much possibility on the horizon around how we turn and face the harm and abuse rampant in our movement communities, learn to be in the complex work of abolition and survival, and actually transform the systems that hurt us into systems that hold us and allow us to heal.

learning in public, amb

[healthymov]

8 Ways To Become the Best You

The beginning of each year is crammed with people that like to say “new year, new me.” But if you fast forward a couple of months, you’ll notice nothing has really changed.  If this seems like you, we’ve got two pieces of excellent news.

the primary is that you simply can start changing your life at any time — no new await the new year! and therefore the second piece of excellent news is that we all know exactly the way to make lasting changes in your life.

Are you able to stop trying and begin doing? Then you’re ready for these eight steps to assist you to unlock your full potential! Here is the way to become the simplest version of you.

Stop saying you’re sorry

Do you desire almost everything is your fault? Believe it or not, this is often presumably a result of your daily language.

Many people get within the habit of claiming “I’m sorry” for things that are out of their control or once they haven’t done anything wrong. If you’re not careful, you'll eventually find yourself apologizing for everything you say or do!

Once you stop saying “I’m sorry,” your self-image will seriously improve. attempt to find replacement words to urge “sorry” out of your vocabulary. for instance, if someone offers constructive criticism at work, don’t say “I’m sorry.” Instead, say, “Thank you for bringing this to my attention.”

Reprioritize whenever possible

Here’s a sobering exercise: at the top of today, attempt to write down everything that caused you stress. you would possibly be surprised how long that list really is!

Once you recognize what's stressing you out on a daily basis, you'll remove tons of that stress by adjusting your priorities. If you’re worried about things that are out of your control (like whether it'll rain subsequent day or what people consider you), then cross those out. once you can’t change something, you shouldn’t let it stress you out before time.

For belongings, you can control, take the remaining list, and write down a thought next to every stressor. These should be ideas for what you'll do to require control of that situation. And once you begin taking control, you’ll desire you’re on top of things. It’s that easy!

Cultivate a positive clique

If you've got issues like low self-esteem or poor body image, it's going to not be your fault. this might be a result of toxic feedback from people in your clique.

Maybe you've got a “friend” who likes to discuss your recent weight gain. otherwise, you have a boyfriend who doesn’t pay much attention to the projects that interest you.

Negativity from others results in negativity from yourself. But if you surround yourself with supportive friends, family, and loved ones, their positivity will assist you to feel better about your own life.

Know when to complain

Imagine this scenario: you’re at a restaurant with friends and therefore the food starts beginning. Suddenly, you notice your order is wrong. What are you getting to do about it?

For many folks, the primary instinct is to mention nothing in the least. Why rock the boat and annoy other people? this might sound noble in your head, but it reinforces the thought that you simply are smaller than people.

Like we said before, there are things people can’t change (such as inclemency and therefore the expectations of others). But when someone treats you wrong and it’s possible to repair things, you would like to understand when to complain.

There is nothing wrong with posing for what you ordered or reminding someone they have to reply to your text message. Not only does this reinforce your importance, but it helps get things done!

Love the person within the mirror

Here’s a stimulating secret: becoming the higher you involves playing tons of emotional Judo. meaning taking the items that cause you to feel bad and turning them into things that cause you to feel better.

The mirror may be a great example of this. Many folks hate watching ourselves within the mirror because it's (quite literally) reflecting our flaws back at us. However, it’s important to recollect that the mirror is reflecting your entire image — not just your flaws.

Take a couple of minutes every day to admire yourself within the mirror. Pick something positive (such as your awesome outfit or your rocking hairdo) and permit yourself to feel good about your appearance. you'll even write positive affirmations on the mirror itself in washable marker, like “You are so beautiful!” and “You look great!” Pretty soon, that mirror will lift you up rather than bringing you down!

Find your affirmations

To an outsider, someone’s affirmations often look a touch silly. But these affirmations are one among the foremost powerful ways to vary how you are feeling and the way you act.

An affirmation is usually short and positive. for instance , “my hair is beautiful” and “I love my body” are both great affirmations. You don’t need to limit yourself: create as many affirmations as you want!

Say these affirmations to yourself ahead of the mirror or whenever you're feeling stressed. Eventually, constantly speaking about yourself in a positive way will cause consistently positive thinking.

Make exercise fun

Let’s do some word association. what's your immediate reaction to the word “exercise?”

Many of you almost certainly groaned just. And why not? Exercise can often be annoying, sweaty, and even painful. Despite this, exercise may be a good way to require control over how you look and the way you are feeling.

What’s the answer, then? Make exercise fun! If you hate getting to the gym, try jogging around your neighborhood while taking note of your favorite podcast. And you'll do routines with hand weights reception while watching your favorite trashy television program.

By pairing exercise with activities that you simply already love, you'll make exercise fun. Eventually, you’ll start looking forward to those exercise sessions rather than groaning!

Take responsibility for your life

The biggest side effect of low self-esteem may be a sense of helplessness. you start to desire you’re not on top of things of your life. And this will cause further misery and even depression because you are feeling like there's nothing you'll do to form things better.

And this is often why you’ll never become the “best you” until you're taking responsibility for your life. If you've got a drag, start making an action plan of steps you'll fancy improving your situation. If you're weighed down by a toxic partnership, don’t hesitate to dump this person and begin living a far better life.

Remember: only you'll change your life. Nobody can do this for you.

[womenintranslation]

Q&A between Man Booker International Prize-winning translator Marilyn Booth and bookseller Natasha Gilmore

Here at the WiT Tumblr we’re big fans of the Women in Translation Book Club, the brainchild of bookseller Natasha Gilmore at Idlewild Bookstore in New York City. What began in February as an in-person gathering at the bookstore over bagels, muffins and coffee is now continuing its lively Sunday morning salon online. We recently caught up with the WiT Reading Club via Zoom for a  wide-ranging conversation about Omani writer Jokha Alharthi’s Celestial Bodies, translated from Arabic by Marilyn Booth, for which both Alharthi and Booth won the 2019 Man Booker International Prize. After the meeting, Natasha followed up by email with Marilyn Booth to ask her a few questions on how the translation came about, on women’s writing and women’s education in Oman, on the editing of her earlier translation of Girls of Riyadh (on this topic see our posts here and here), and much more. We were delighted that Marilyn responded in depth to these questions and that she also agreed to share them here on the WiT Tumblr. An additional shout-out to Natasha for organizing and hosting the Women in Translation Book Club! (If you’re interested in attending its next meeting on August 9th to discuss Convenience Store Woman by Sayaka Murata, email natasha at idlewildbooks dot com for more details.)

Natasha Gilmore: How did Celestial Bodies come to the attention of the publisher, and why did they decide to publish it in translation? Did you have a hand in this at all?

Marilyn Booth: Jokha gave me a copy of her novel when she came to Edinburgh on a visit; she gave it to me both as an interested reader, and as a colleague – as a thank-you for helping her with the final stages of her PhD (we were both at University of Edinburgh then, although she was already back in Muscat). I found the novel intriguing and absorbing, and so I started exploring the possibility of translating it. As I’ve done with a few other works, I translated it without having a publisher, but there was some great help and serendipity along the way: my colleague at Edinburgh, Dr Elisabeth Kendall, suggested I seek support from the Anglo-Omani Society in London, which I did, and they were fantastic.

Understandably, people often assume that I was simply brought in as a translator. But that’s an assumption that doesn’t take into account the way translators work to promote literary works they believe are important. I wanted to translate the novel, and so I did it a bit recklessly, without a publisher. And then, by chance, I found the agent (Charles Buchan (Wylie) and I met at a literary event, and he has been amazing). Charles then found the publisher. Having finished the translation before that, I had tried for months to get a publisher: lots of them turned me down. (A few have written, since the prize, to congratulate us and to express their regret… they’ve been lovely.) We are thrilled that Sandstone published it – they were great, and because Jokha and I both have strong Scottish ties, we’re very happy that the centre of gravity for making the translation happen and then getting it published was our beloved Scotland.

I don’t necessarily recommend translating a novel without having a publisher lined up (!), but sometimes it happens. And because most publishers don’t have staff members to read Arabic fiction, they’re often hesitant to take something on spec, or an author who is unknown. In fact, in the case of Arabic literature, it’s often novels that have already been translated into French (most often – and there’s a lot more translation of Arabic works into French than into other European languages) that get a look-in – which means there is already a process of selection going on. And so my involvement happened first of all through conversations with Jokha, and then encouragement and help from others. Like so many good things in this world, it is about collective work, conversation, mutual care.

I think it is important for readers to recognise that translators play a huge role in bringing works to publication – we are often the advocates who pressure publishers to take this or that. In the process, we do a lot of unpaid work: doing samples (sometimes paid for), writing pitches and draft introductions, translating press reviews. Otherwise, often they wouldn’t have a clue (obviously that is truer of some publishers than others). We do a lot more than translate. We advocate, we are bridges, we promote work. Since I’m not a full time translator, I can’t do as much of that as I would like to do. I think (or in some cases, I know) that lots of translators play this role. It would be good to put our heads together more and think about how we could help each other – some groups of translators do already do this, for sure, and one of the things I love about being a translator is the affirmation and mutual support that I feel from other translators.

I’ve translated quite a number of works of Arabic literature over the years (I think by now the count is about 17 novels, memoirs and short story collections, more or less). But I’ve never been a full-time translator, so it’s usually been a matter of feeling very strongly about wanting to spend time on a particular text. This is a huge privilege! I did have some years as an unemployed scholar—mostly by choice, as most of that time I was a full time parent—where my interest in texts was matched by my interest in income, although the two didn’t always match up in practice.

Although I have translated works by brilliant women and brilliant men both, I do also have a sense of commitment to the challenge of getting Anglophone readers to recognise that long-enduring stereotypes about gender – about women but also, frankly, about men – are just wrong. So the works I gravitate towards, whoever the author is, are likely to respond to that need, though in varied and often subtle ways. One way to deal with this imbalance (and the continuing stereotypes about gender in ‘the Middle East’ that are so tenacious amongst Euro/American audiences, despite so much evidence to the contrary) is to publish and publicize more of the fantastic works that women have been writing in Arabic since the late 19th century. (A lot of my research writing is about that 19th century energy.) But also, to think about how central issues of gender are to Arabic fiction, whoever the author is. And how thoughtful the takes on this are. For instance, two other recent novels I have translated, Hassan Daoud’s The Penguin’s Song (City Lights) and No Road to Paradise (American University in Cairo Press/Hoopoe), are wonderfully interesting in this regard, in their representations of masculinities.

Gilmore: Some of the group members read your piece on Girls of Riyadh, and wondered if you encountered any issues in edits of your translation of a social or political nature?

Booth: No, in this case, the author and I work in fantastic harmony (there were a few things the editor wanted to change and because Jokha and I agreed – ‘no’, we both said – we were able to prevail. There were also some changes the editor proposed that we agreed ‘yes’ to; the editor was excellent, light-touch, respectful - there was mutual respect all around.)

The problem with Girls of Riyadh was that the author didn’t appear to be willing to work with me. In that case, it was the press (Penguin) that had brought me in. I was not advocating for that novel to the press – although I really supported that novel and I still do. I felt very sad about what happened because I still believe it is such an innovative and interesting novel, and it deserves the respect I tried to give it by translating it innovatively. The translation as the author changed it didn’t reflect the innovative, edgy, and often funny (seriously funny) quality of the original. If the author had said, “Hey, I’m not comfortable, can we talk?” I would have certainly been ready to negotiate. There were things I did in the translation that I would have been happy to tone down. But that didn’t happen. It was a very upsetting experience for me. And I’m sad. Girls deserved to have an edgy translation that would convey the edginess of the original.

There have been occasional insinuations that somehow I was vulnerable to this because of not being familiar with Saudi culture. I think this is ridiculous. It is true that I noted to the editor from the start that there were a few usages I would want to ask the author about; there were about five; the author answered one question, and then said she was busy with her exams, which is certainly a valid reason to postpone responses. But the things the author changed were not matters of Saudi culture; they were lines of Lebanese poetry, references to region-wide culture icons, and characters’ language. These were not the items I needed help with. And it is normal – it is usual – for a translator to consult with an author. It’s also (I believe) a mark of respect to do so, as long as the author doesn’t mind being contacted. It’s certainly not a sign of weakness or vulnerability! Any translator or reviewer or author who believes that must live in a different universe.

Most of the authors I’ve translated have been truly respectful of my work – of my different kind of creative writing, in bringing their work into English. In general, I’ve had really great relationships with authors – working relationships and then, often, friendships resulting from that work. A number of the wonderful writers I’ve translated over the years have become truly close friends, some of them for many years now. (And one of them, Sahar Tawfiq in Cairo, has translated and is translating my academic work into Arabic. Fantastic partnership! I feel so fortunate.) It’s a very intimate thing, translating someone’s work – so perhaps, in many cases, it either results in wonderful closeness or in a terrible break-up. I wonder if that is the experience of many literary translators? I do know from conversations with other translators, and from some of the wonderful translator memoirs published over the past decade or so, that very close affective relationships have been forged through translation. It is such a precious thing. I’d love to hear from other translators on this. (At one point, I started doing some research on first author-second author [ie translator] relations, it would be really good to resume this, somehow.)

Gilmore: Why did you elect to change the title?

Booth: Jokha and I have been challenged strongly on this, by interlocutors who either read the novel in Arabic or could have read it in Arabic. I think that is because the title in Arabic is brilliant—but it just doesn’t translate into English. A literal translation would be Ladies/mistresses/matrons of the moon. None of those terms conveys what the Arabic sayyidat can convey: a lot of authority and dignity. (It is also an ironic term in that some of the strongest female characters in the novel would not have ever been considered sayyidat). It is a beautifully ambiguous and resonant title in Arabic, carrying so many associations, and there is no way to make those shades of meaning come through into English within any closely ‘literal’ title. I tried loads of combinations/spins, but nothing worked. So the English title loses some of the meaning of the Arabic but I think that it gains in other ways, which some readers have mentioned, appreciatively.

Gilmore: Do you have a sense of what women in Oman are writing about right now?

Booth: Yes, they’re writing what women are writing about everywhere. Politics of the family, racism and inequality, complex histories of colonial encounter and how they intersect with political contestation more locally, and the various kinds of abuse that arises from all of these. And also love and connection and closeness. Of course, I have not read everything! And I cannot do so, given that my work life is also about teaching and research (which focuses on topics very far from contemporary writing, though there are a lot of shared connections). One thing that is great about Jokha’s novel getting the Man Booker International is that Oman has not been a literary ‘centre’ in terms of fiction (it has a long and wonderful history of poetry composition). Now, Omani literature is possibly getting more attention. There’s a lot of great fiction being written across the entire region, in Arabic. I wish we could get more of it translated. More support for translation—that is what we need. Also more support for translating not just ‘the latest thing’ but novels, short stories, poetry, that came out earlier. There are works from the 1970s I would love to translate, if only publishers were interested.

Gilmore: Are there any concrete literary traditions that the book draws from? There are so many allusions and references, but I also wondered if even the structure of the book was drawn from an Arabic literary tradition?

Booth: Well, one could speculate that it draws from the ‘embedded stories’ structure that is famously evident in the Thousand and One Nights – but I think every culture has a version of this (and let’s not forget that the development of the novel in Europe is also shaped by storytelling, picaresque traditions far to the east of Europe, including the Nights). Jokha’s work is inflected by the very long poetic tradition in Arabic, and specifically in the Arabian peninsula, a tradition she grew up with. What other specific traditions or writers she may draw on, every reader can wonder about. Any writer brings so many different readings to their work.

Gilmore: Do you have a sense of how the book was accepted in Oman?

Booth: It had won a prize in Arabic, long before the Man Booker, so it was lauded and it got notice. But it also was criticized quite a lot (before and after earning the Man Booker), for taking on the historical legacy and hugely sensitive issue of slavery. Some Omanis didn’t think this ought to be portrayed, as a part of Omani history that they argued was long in the past, in terms of the empirical history of slavery. But of course the past is always part of the present. Jokha’s attitude is that this history is Omani history, and that this legacy shapes Omani society to this day. Therefore, it ought to be talked about. Despite these disagreements, the novel getting the prize has been celebrated in Oman. Jokha has been asked to do so much. We’re both thrilled but it is hard to deal with the demands of it all, given our full time work as teaching academics. Also, like me, she’s not someone who likes the limelight …. We are both rabbits in the headlights.

Gilmore: What was literacy and access to literature and education for women in Oman, particularly in the period of the book? Were women educated up to a certain age? Was education and literacy encouraged for women? Was access a class issue?

Booth: Definitely a class issue though also an urban/rural issue. Very much encouraged in Jokha’s family. And now – and since 1970 – a strong priority nationally, education for both boys and girls. (We sometimes forget that in places where girls’ literacy wasn’t high, boys’ wasn’t either – though yes there is always an imbalance. This is part of what I work on in my research on 19th-century Egypt.) There’s been a lot of great work on the history of girls’ education and women’s activism in the Gulf generally – for instance, recently, a lot of documentation of the history of women’s work in the Emirates, and some memoirs coming out. But it is also important to keep in mind, next to formal education, the ways women have created and fostered narratives, histories, and have passed them on – a different kind of knowledge, or of education, that has always been there.

Gilmore: What was the last book you read for pleasure that you loved?

Booth: Oh that is a difficult question right now! I’ve been struggling with teaching on line, it has been a true challenge, though the students have been wonderful and we’ve tried to struggle through it together. And also, I have to read for my teaching and research (reading which is mostly if not always a pleasure, too). I have not been doing a lot of reading recently that is unconnected to that (too tired! Too cross-eyed from reading on line!). But, I return often to 19th century English-language and French-language fiction (as well as fiction in Arabic). Most recently, I was rereading Maria Edgeworth. I think she is fantastic and should be better known. Ennui is amazing (not an easy read, affectively!).

Also, I hugely recommend Kate Manne’s book Down Girl: The Logic of Misogyny. Not an easy read, but an important and beautifully written, wise, engaging and (horrifically) important book for this time. I have a huge stack of books to read, fiction and non-fiction ….

[missjosie27]

Hogwarts Mystery Ship Questions- David x Merula

This post is somewhat ironic given that I just posted the chapter of my story where Merula attempts to lock David in a room with Devil’s Snare haha. But I promise, the two were meant for each other. Here’s a full detailed list of their relationship. Thank you to @hogwartsmysterystory for the template once more.

1. How does their relationship develop in tandem with the Vaults?  Are they a hindrance or do they bring them closer together?

A: During their first three years at Hogwarts, David and Merula were in constant competition to find the vaults, with the former always coming out on top. This infuriated Merula to no end, and she always tried to one up or undercut him in some way by almost any means necessary. Ironically, it was Madam Rakepick who altered that rivalry, as she saw the talents in both of them and used them to her advantage. By the time they enter the portrait vault during fifth year, the two are already more or less dating.

2. What’s something that they really bond over together?

A: Dueling is a favorite pastime of both teens. Merula caught David by surprised during their first year, but David’s natural talent along with his own unique determination usually give him the edge. Once a means to harm or maim each other, by sixth year it becomes a way for them to let out their frustrations and relax. Both are avid Quidditch lovers, with David joining the Gryffindor team during Year 6 as a beater and Merula joining Slytherin in Year 5 as a chaser. Each love to talk to discuss the sport. Finally, each has a sharp wit and are rather fond of sarcasm, leading to considerable banter between them, which David and Merula quietly enjoy.

3. How do they flirt with each other before dating?  How does it change after they start dating?

A: David doesn’t start to seriously ‘flirt’ with Merula until late fourth year, early fifth year when he realizes her feelings for her. He enjoys teasing her, making jokes, and finds her reactions highly entertaining. For her part, Merula, not the best at public social interaction, begins a habit of glowing pink when they have an intimate or flirtatious moment together, but tries to brush it off with indifference or empty threats. After they begin dating, their flirting is more private, as David does not want to push her too hard, but during their alone time, Merula does not hold back letting him know her mutual attraction, touching him, rustling his hair, and sitting in his lap.

4. What does the rest of the Mystery Crew think about them?  Do they even know about it?

A: The reactions vary. Some catch on rather quickly that the two have the hots for each other, Tulip being the first, and she is surprisingly supportive. Rowan and Ben were mortified at the prospect of their best friend falling for Merula. Rowan in particular does not understand and it drives a small rift between him and David’s friendship. The Weasley brothers, though shocked at first, encourage him to pursue Merula if it makes him happy. Ismelda struggles with the relationship in a similar fashion to Rowan, worried that David is trying to steal away her only friend. Though David and Penny kissed once, she also was quite happy for him when she found out, agreeing that the two lost themselves in a moment of vulnerability.

5. Do you think any of the Hogwarts staff ship them or think they’re cute together?

A: The staff generally don’t pay attention, though some are surprised when they happen upon the news.

6. What rumors do you think would float around Hogwarts about their relationship, if any?  How would your MC react to them upon learning about them?

A: Much of the students are dumbfounded seeing the two former enemies fall for each other. Gryffindors and Slytherins in particular disapprove but Bill and Barnaby intervene to prevent any open hostilities. David, in general doesn’t care, but knows Merula’s reputation is much more at stake than his and so takes most of the hits and questions that come their way.

7. Did your MC or the character(s) you ship them with date anyone else before them? What were those relationships like?

A: Merula secretly started to crush on David after receiving a gift from him during Year 4 at Christmas. However, she had no prior boyfriends, given that most boys feared her. David, on the other hand, found himself sought after quite frequently. Girls find him quite handsome. He kissed Penny at the beginning of Year 5 while comforting her over Beatrice, however, nothing came of it and the blonde became too focused on rescuing her sister to pursue a relationship. During Year 6, David and Merula enter a rocky period as her torture at the hands of Rakepick lead her to push her boyfriend away and they break up. Tulip, whom David has always felt an attraction to, comforts him and they end up having sex. Being the ever free spirit that she is, Tulip acknowledges that she’s not a relationship person, and knows David will eventually go back to Merula. In both instances, the two remain good friends.

8. Does their relationship have a rocky start?  Or is it smooth?

A: During their formative years, David and Merula hate each other’s guts. But as they grow closer, that hatred turns to love. Even so, Merula is highly insecure internally, and has a hard time accepting her own feelings, as well as the conflict she has about her own beliefs. Public displays of affection are rare, and the two did not kiss until Year 5. In Year 6, with David still angry over his brother leaving him and Merula still suffering PTSD from torture at the hands of Rakepick, the two break up, though they get back together later in the year.

9. What’s their primary love language (words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, quality time, or physical touch)?

A: For Merula, saying ‘I love you’, is highly difficult but she has her ways of showing affection, most of which are physical: making out, cuddling, sex, etc. David, however, knows what she likes and will often buy gifts of sentimental value. Merula, once committed to changing her previous ways, does try and reciprocate. David loves it when she runs her soft fingers through his hair. Merula melts when David runs his hands up and down her legs. When going on more formal dates, Merula will wear a bow for David, something he comes to love.

10. How good are they at compromising?

A: As fifteen year olds, they’re awful. David is generally easy going and feels like he has to bend over backwards for Merula many times over, while she never does due to her stubbornness and unwillingness to open up. This leads to many shouting matches between them. But after they get back together during Year 6, an effort is made by the Slytherin to try and talk more about the problems they face. By the time they are married, both know how to hash their problems out without fighting (most of the time haha).

11. How often do they go out on dates and where do they like to go?

A: After the disaster of their first date, they agree never to frequent Madam Pudifoot’s establishment ever again. Quidditch matches, trips to Hogsmeade, and even the occasional beer at a muggle bar are all places the two like to frequent. However, by far their most favorite destination are concerts. As a graduation gift, David takes her to see Motley Crue. 

12. What are their favorite ways to be physically affectionate?

A: Merula secretly loves butterfly kisses and when David touches her legs up and down. David loves the way she rubs her hands through his hair and the method she uses to nibble on his neck.

13. What’s the dumbest or most ridiculous thing they’ve seen each other do?

A: David always reminds Merula of the time a broom hit her squarely in the face during first year. She on the other hand points out the time a fire crab set his pants on fire.

14. Do they like to cuddle?  Who’s the big spoon and who’s the little spoon?

A: In private, the two usually can’t get enough of each other. Merula will usually consent to be the little spoon, but one of her preferred sex positions is the cowgirl. Both will switch off depending on the circumstances. Sometimes, sex becomes as big of a competition as dueling and the vaults.

15. What position do they sleep in when they share a bed?

A: After sex, the two will usually fall asleep facing each other.

16. How do they comfort each other when they have bad days?

A: In her most vulnerable moments, Merula will cling to David or sit on his lap, never letting go. For David, he enjoys resting his head on her bosom.

17. What hobbies or activities do they like to do together?

A: Going to concerts, Qudditch matches, a nice dinner now and then, sex, and even muggle Karaoke nights.

18. What kind of gifts do they give each other?

A: David is aware Merula secretly likes muggle rock music, and often buys her CDs of her favorite bands. He once rigged a radio to play muggle stations so she could listen to the songs in the privacy of her room. He buys her nail polish brands, boots, tights, and also once fixed a damaged family heirloom. In return, Merula will buy him t shirts of his favorite Quidditch team, accessories for his wand, and even bought him a new broom when his old was destroyed by one of her house mates.

19. What’s their favorite thing about each other?

A: David falls head over heels for Merula without realizing why at first. He comes to the conclusion that there is a better person underneath her perpetual nastiness and wants to see more of it- her kindness, willingness to be brave, and using her unlimited ambition for better and higher purposes. Merula never gives up and has a spirit that cannot be broken even by her Death Eater parents. On the other hand, Merula adores David’s sense of humor, his quiet confidence, and his relative fearlessness. Though she never openly admits it while in Hogwarts, she also loves the fact that he challenges her not just in skill but as a person. Both, also find each other quite physically attractive. Merula happens to think David is quite handsome, and David witnesses her become a beautiful young woman.

20. What’s their LEAST favorite thing about each other?

A: Merula, despite softening over the years, still carries a nasty streak in which she can become petulant, angry, and even violent. David gets frustrated with her stubbornness and her need to make everything either a competition or an argument. He wants to get to know her better and be a person she can rely on but more often than not she refuses and pushes him away. As for David, Merula hates that he often surpasses her in talent and skill in most things. She often thinks of him as a hypocrite and as too willing to rush into things head on without taking into consideration the possible consequences. She becomes frequently annoyed when he uses jokes and humor to deflect or get around questions he doesn’t want to answer.

21. Do they keep secrets from each other?  Or are they very open and communicative?

A: David and Merula are not the talkative types at first. Neither one likes to divulge feelings all that much. Merula, given that she has trust issues, hides many aspects of her past, though she tries to refrain from outright lying to her boyfriend.

22. What do they think of each other’s choice in career and how supportive are they?

A: David becomes an Auror while Merula becomes the manager for the Weird Sisters. Both are supportive of each other in adult life, though Merula initially feels awkward given that her parents once murdered an Auror in front of her.

23. Do they have a relationship song for each other?  Do you have one (or more) for them?  If so, what are they?

A.    ‘Every Rose Has Its Thorn’ by Poison was the song sung by David to get onto the Frog Choir. It sparked Merula’s interest in rock music and it came to symbolize how they felt about each other. The song played at their wedding, much to the chagrin of Merula’s aunt. Other songs they enjoy together are ‘Dance the Night Away’ by Van Halen, ‘Come As You Are’ by Nirvana, and later ‘When I Come Around’ by Green Day.

24. If they move in together, when does it happen?  What’s that transition like?

A: They move into a flat together in London during the year 1993 after David is hired full time as an Auror. The transition, though messy at times, occurs without much hiccup, given that both have largely worked through their issues by now.

25. Do they adopt any pets or magical creatures?  If so, which ones?

A: Neither David nor Merula are fond of pets.

26. If they get married, who proposes to whom?  And how do they do it?

A: David is spurned to propose to Merula once he figures out Voldemort has returned. He knows that the risk is high that the war will split them apart so he proposes one day after a concert in a park in London. Though overwhelmed, Merula says yes.

27. If they get married, what’s their wedding like?

A: Medium sized. David has much more family than Merula does, given that she has no living grandparents, her parents are in jail, and her aunt is unmarried. However, the Grant family, despite initial misgivings, welcome her as one of their own. David’s best man is Charlie Weasley while Merula’s maid of honor is Ismelda, who is being recruited by the Death Eaters at this time, unbeknownst to everyone else. Almost all of the old Mystery crew returns, except for Rowan, who is abroad with his studies to become a Professor.

28. Do they have and/or adopt any children?  What are their names and what’s their relationship with their parents?

A: David and Merula do end up having children, three in fact- Joseph, Thomas, and Sarah. Joe inherited most of Merula’s traits and gets along better with his mother, while Sarah inherited her father’s tendencies, but is something of a daddy’s girl. Thomas is the quiet one, usually settling sibling fights and is highly independent. Joe is a Slytherin, Sarah is a Gryffindor, and Thomas is a Ravenclaw. Despite the personality clashes, the family is generally very happy, buying a house in Lincolnshire, living a peaceful existence.

29. What’s the biggest hurdle they have to overcome in their relationship?  Do they ultimately succeed or fail?

A: Merula and David both have internal problems that take time to solve during their Hogwarts years and after. But the ultimate obstacle is the Second Wizarding War. Merula’s parents are freed from Azkaban in 1995 and rejoin Voldemort. They also go out of their way to try and win back their daughter and sway her to their side once more. David knows this, and recognizing the danger, frequently moves them from place to place in the hope they will not find them. That, ultimately fails, but in the end, Merula and David remain together.

30. Do they participate in the Second Wizarding War?  Or do they keep to themselves?  How do they each feel about it?

A: David, being an Auror participates in the war, but suffers under the corrupt administration of Cornelius Fudge, and the incompetent, overwhelmed one of Rufus Scrimgeour. He must balance his duties with what he knows is right and the survival of his family. When Voldemort takes over, he ends up leaving the Ministry knowing full well the atrocities he would be forced to commit if he were to stay on. For Merula, the war is much more problematic. Despite their best efforts, her parents locate her once more and David nearly has to physically remove them from the premises. But they don’t give up, eventually kidnapping her in late 1997, forcing her into the Death Eater ranks, attempting to brainwash her once more. David then makes it his full time mission to find her and destroy those who work for Voldemort, becoming something of a vigilante bounty hunter.

31. If one of them were to die, how would the surviving party react?  Who would take it the worst?

A: Equally. Merula knows that David was the only person to truly believe in her redemption and value as a person. David on the other hand, feels he could not live functionally without his wife.

32. Have they ever said anything hurtful to the other during an argument?  If so, how do they go about apologizing?

A: Plenty of times. But this was during the formative years of their relationship. When the make up in Year 6, Merula formally apologizes while David swears he will never let her go again.

33. Is there any circumstance in which you could see their relationship falling apart? If so, what and how would they handle it?

A: It did, briefly, but the situation was not their fault. Initially, teenage angst, bumps, bruises, insecurity, and misunderstandings were the biggest impediments to a happy relationship. But when Merula was kidnapped by the Death Eaters, she was shanghaied, forced to commit horrible acts, branded with the Dark Magic, though she resists in small ways (such as secretly sparing numerous muggle families and passing information to spies). It is only during the battle of Hogwarts, that David is able to break through and rescue her. Due to this, and testimony from Lucius Malfoy, Merula avoids jail time, though it takes a long time for her to recover from the ordeal. Afterwards, they renew their vows and go on to have a family.

[the2020romanceproject]

Review: The Wedding Date

(Or: Maybe I should only read the first half of romance novels from now on?)

Book two of my year of romance was Jasmine Guillory’s The Wedding Date! I was excited about this one, since I had actually heard of it before I started reading romance, and also it has fake dating which is always gold. And I did enjoy it...up to a point. More on that below. :)

First, a summary: Alexa is chief of staff to the mayor of Berkeley. Drew is a pediatric surgeon in L.A. They get stuck in an elevator together when Drew is in San Francisco for his ex-girlfriend’s wedding to his med school classmate. Drew was supposed to have a date for the wedding, but she cancelled, and on a whim he asks Alexa to go with him instead as his pretend new girlfriend. She says yes, and they have a great time at the wedding and fall in bed afterward and have great sex. Drew secretly changes his flight to leave later in the day on Sunday, and they spend the day together. They’re both hesitant because they know the other person isn’t looking for anything real here—Alexa in particular knows Drew doesn’t do relationships—but they keep reaching out to each other, and Alexa goes down to L.A. to stay with Drew the next weekend. There’s a brief blip where she texts him to ask if he’s sleeping with other people and he makes a joke instead of answering seriously and she cancels their next weekend together; then he runs into her (very conveniently) when he’s back in SF for a conference and they fall into bed again. Then there’s a more serious blip where she meets a bunch of his exes who let it slip that he broke up with each of them around the two-month mark when it seemed to be going really well. Alexa gets upset, refuses to let Drew say anything about his intentions because she doesn’t want to be hurt, and sneaks out of his apartment in the middle of the night to fly home early. Drew realizes how much she means to him and flies up to L.A. to support her at a hearing for the at-risk-youth arts initiative she’s pushing for, and the two of them happily reconcile (and the initiative passes). He shows her the job offer he got from his mentor at a San Francisco hospital, and she tells him yes, she wants him to move here. There’s an epilogue a year later where he takes her back to the elevator where they met and proposes.

I feel like I spent my last review talking entirely about why the book fell apart in the middle for me. This book also fell apart in the middle, but I’m going to start with some things I liked/noted about it, so as to not spend ALL my time complaining about shortcomings. :)

Things I really liked:

Chemistry. Alexa and Drew are both super charming. Their back-and-forth was really enjoyable to read. It was a big part of what got me into the book: I wanted to see these two charming people grow to like each other. All the thing where they’re at the rehearsal dinner and wedding and enjoy touching each other were really nice to read.

Tropes. This one had such good tropes! Stuck in an elevator together! Fake dating! Anything with plausible deniability, where they’re acting like they really like each other but each one thinks it might not denote real interest, is just the most fun. This one gave up the plausible deniability aspect way sooner than I would have expected, but still: great tropes.

Race. Alexa is black and Drew is white. I am also white, so my perspective here is not informed by personal experience, but I really liked how this was handled. Alexa does experience some microaggressions and outright racism—not from Drew—in ways that felt realistic to me. Drew doesn’t try to explain away any of the racism, which made him seem like a good potential partner to her. There was also a thing where he failed to understand a thing in her past that was impacted by race, and when she explained it he listened and accepted his ignorance. She was still concerned that he’d like her less for having made him aware of his privilege, which felt like a very sad and real fear. Overall, it felt like racial dynamics were allowed to come into the text in nuanced and organic ways that kept Alexa from being a token POC. (Jasmine Guillory is a POC herself, so I’m not surprised that this is handled well, and there are probably other things about it that I as a white person didn’t even pick up.)

Body type. Alexa is curvy! She’s embarrassed about it! But Drew loves it! As someone who fills out the top of a cocktail dress pretty well myself, I really appreciated both sides of this: the realistic body issues from someone raised in a society that valorizes thinness, and the way the text kept affirming Drew’s attraction to her. There’s a racial component to this as well—lots of skinny blond girls in this book—but it was something I was able to identify with even from my different societal context.

Things I noted/was surprised by:

How soon they had sex. At some point I’ll stop being surprised by this in romance novels. I’ve read a lot of fake dating stories, and written some, and I would have expected the charade to go on a lot longer before they had actual sex that couldn’t at all be explained away by the fake dating scenario. The purported fakeness of it is the fun part! They both think the other one isn’t interested for real, while their own feelings continue to grow! Why would you cut that part short?? As soon as they kissed and admitted to each other that they wanted it for real, the tension dropped from a ten to about a two. This book got a decent amount of mileage out of that lower level of tension—more on that below—but it’s so surprising to me that it didn’t keep the much more interesting and trope-y tension going longer.

Consent and power dynamics. This book was super good about consent: Drew made sure to check in about what Alexa wanted, and it was played for sexual intensity, where he clearly got a kick out of hearing her say it. But it was very, very one-sided. There was no implication that Alexa needed to check in with Drew on what he wanted. This wasn’t a surprise, exactly, but it did stand out to me, since I don’t read a lot of het (and honestly this is a big part of why—I don’t want to encounter gendered power dynamics in my leisure reading). Consent felt like a thing the woman had to give the man. I’m not saying this is a problem, necessarily; just something I noticed.

Sex scenes. The sex scenes almost faded to black but not quite. Maybe they faded to gray? I felt like I knew pretty much what sex act they were doing and when, but they weren’t described in any real detail. It was an interesting compromise, like the book was trying to give us a clear sense of their sexual relationship without any real titillation. I wonder if this is a genre thing—I’m not sure this book was published strictly as romance—or if it’s just Guillory’s style.

Romcom careers. They’re chief of staff to the mayor of Berkeley and a pediatric surgeon. Those have GOT to be two squares on the romcom career bingo card. I’m teasing a little, but I think this kind of character background serves an important role: we have to know that they’re accomplished, valuable people, so that when they feel rejected or insecure we can revel in it—look, they feel like I once felt! But it’s unjustified and they’ll end up happy!—instead of actually questioning the characters’ worth. Fanfiction usually gets over this hurdle by writing about characters the readers already know and respect and love, or, in the case of RPF, writing about people who are for-real successful and famous. Romance novels have to introduce us to brand-new characters, and one of the easiest ways to make us feel sure that these characters are worthy of our respect and of the other character’s love is to give them prestigious and intellectually or creatively rigorous careers. I’ll be interested to see how many other instances of this I run across.

Two points of view. It strikes again! Do all romance novels include both points of view? I don’t hate it, necessarily—but it does decrease the overall tension. You don’t get caught up in one character’s desires as strongly when you’re seeing both POVs.

Immediate attraction. Another thing I should probably stop being surprised by. Both Alexa and Drew are very physically into each other as soon as they meet; he has trouble not looking at her breasts, and there are so many narrative references to her wanting his touch, wanting to move closer to him, etc. To be fair, I think I’m pretty far toward the “not attracted to complete strangers” side of the spectrum, so I might not be the best judge of this, but it did feel a little over the top. I suspect this was an attempt to make us really want these two to be together. I think it was trying too hard—a more genuine reserve would have been more compelling to me, where they like each other but don’t immediately want to jump each other. Also, they’re going to a wedding together as fake dates! You don’t have to try that hard to make us interested!

Food as comfort. This was such a strong recurring thread in this novel. Alexa has a sweet tooth, and Drew is always getting her doughnuts; they get a lot of very satisfying takeout. It gelled for me with the thing where a lot of the satisfaction in the novel came from the comfort of “oh, this person is touching me; oh, they like me back.” Comfort instead of angst.

Subplots. One of my questions in approaching this genre was whether romance novels needed to be more novel-like than fic—i.e. whether they needed to engage with a plot beyond the romance. This does have a very slight B plot (Alexa’s youth initiative, which is connected to her difficult relationship with her sister) but it’s VERY slight. The book has an even less prominent subplot about one of Drew’s patients who develops cancer. Alexa’s subplot resolves, whereas Drew’s is only backdrop. Drew’s in particular is used the way I’d use a subplot in fic: it’s included to provide an excuse for scenes with or about Alexa, or to affect Drew’s mood in ways that reflect or influence the romance plot. It serves the romance instead of being an independent plot in its own right.

Okay, so those are my observations. Time to dig into the thing where this book lost me in the middle—much like the last book I reviewed, but for entirely different reasons.

I’ve already talked about the drastic drop-off in tension after they slept together. That actually was not what lost me this time. This novel managed to build enough of a rapport between the two characters that I was invested in their relationship becoming real. To be clear, I would have preferred that the fake dating trope go on longer and create opportunities for actual longing. But this novel wasn’t so much about longing; it was about that delightful feeling when you like someone and you reach out tentatively and they meet you in the middle. It was the very, very gentle tension of, “Maybe we could hang out today?” “Sure!” over and over, as a relationship builds. It was fluff-adjacent tension. Super enjoyable, the way a warm bath is enjoyable. I wasn’t dying to get to the end or anything, but it was nice.

I did wonder, about halfway through, how the heck this book could possibly keep going like that. And it turned out it couldn’t. That was when it introduced: the Misunderstanding Plot.

Don’t get me wrong. I love a good misunderstanding plot. But they are hard to do well. They work best when they feel unforced and genuine, and don’t make either of the characters carry the idiot ball. Like, say, if Drew and Alexa hadn’t had enthusiastic sex where they talked about how much they wanted each other, and they were still under the impression that it was a fake relationship, it would be very easy to have the other character accidentally confirm that and drive a wedge between the two of them. Or if one of them was starting to think it WAS real, and then they overheard the other person confessing to someone else that it was totally fake. (Don’t mind me; just thinking about ways I might write it.)

The problem with this one was that they were basically just dating at this point, so in order for drama to arise, the characters had to act badly in ways that felt forced and off-putting. They’d known each other for a week and a half; things had been happy and a little giddy and chill between them so far. Then Alexa texts in the middle of the workday to ask if Drew is sleeping with anyone else. (Because that is the perfect way to initiate an important relationship conversation, obviously.) He makes a joke, because he is clearly also very good at this, and they don’t speak to each other for a week and a half.

Guess which one of them this makes me like more? That’s right! Neither!!

Look. I like characters who are stupid about their own feelings and blind to other people’s. But I also like characters who, when they know about the other person’s feelings, are very, very considerate of them. Drew was not—and Alexa compounded the problem by being confrontational with the question and then abruptly pulling back as soon as she didn’t get the magical easy answer. In short, it made me think that they were bad for each other.

They recover from the texting thing when they just so happen to run into each other (I mean, I can’t throw stones, I’ll buy the coincidence) and are happy to see each other, and apologize, and everything’s fine. But by this point the novel had lost me. I had been enjoying the happy dance of “Does s/he like me? Ooh, s/he does!” but only so long as it lasted. They didn’t have a strong enough core after a week and a half to get through the badness of those texts. They were happy again, but I wasn’t invested. I was mostly reading so I could write this review.

Then, fascinatingly, the book won me back.

It was a very specific passage that did it. On page 190 of the paperback, Alexa talks in the narration about how she wouldn’t admit this to anyone other than herself, but ever since that first weekend with Drew, she’d imagined him in bed with her every night as she fell asleep. And I was sold. I mean, it was still very gentle tension. But! A thing the character wanted that she wasn’t getting! I could be into this again!

And then...well, this is already super long, so I won’t go into all the details of the misunderstanding that ended the book. It had a lot in common with the text message fiasco: Alexa felt insecure, got upset that Drew might not be into her, and refused to engage with him about whether that was true. (Okay, it was actually more egregious than the texts, in that she wouldn’t let him speak.) Her getting upset made sense, but her refusing to let him speak when he was clearly trying to felt SO forced.

The funny thing is, there was actually a seed of potential real conflict there: Drew hadn’t really admitted to himself that he wanted a long-term thing with her. He could have told her that. He could have done anything, really, to indicate that and create a real conflict. (Also tricky to handle without him coming off as not actually interested—but doable, I think.) As it was, he didn’t call her his girlfriend at a party—which, it had been like a month, and they hadn’t discussed it privately, so it’s totally appropriate not to throw the term around in public yet!—and...that’s it. Everything else was just her fears, and the very cowardly way she handled them. I guess that’s relatable? But it felt so engineered. It didn’t so much make me dislike her as make me annoyed with the text for twisting her response so that they couldn’t have the very short conversation that would have cleared everything up.

In fairness to Guillory, a friend who’s read the whole series tells me she does better with misunderstanding plots later. But I’m really, really excited to read a romance plot that doesn’t lose me halfway through.

Next up is Red, White, and Royal Blue. I’ve been told this was basically written for me, so I’m hopeful. Fingers crossed it sticks the landing!