#both approaches have their pros and cons and both have people that are vehemently for and against it

[lizzibennet]

are you going to watch the new bridgerton queen charlotte series? i’m kind of intrigued but also the fact that they’re playing fictionalised versions of real people whom i know too much (negative things) about slightly gets me. i’d love to know your thoughts!

i’m going to eventually, i just have not had time - i really like too many of the characters already not to. i personally engage with bridgerton as total historical fantasy. it is a bit irksome that they use the names of real monarchs to me too but i guess they thought it would be weird to set a story in 19th century england and ignore the actual history of the fact. queen charlotte’s existence in the show is warranted, i think, because of the “explanation” that her marriage to george incited social change (that in itself is criticizable but the point is that she has a reason to exist as she is). because the tone of the show is clearly meant to be less serious and more or less just use the historical aspect of it as a backdrop to the romance - which is the focus - and that aspect is actually often neglected in favor of Artistic Choices i personally see it as pretty harmless, but i also totally understand why people would not want to engage w it

[kenzieam]

Blame It On The Moon - oneshot

@jewels2876​​ @moonbeambucky​​ @jeremyrennerfanxxxx123​​ @iammarylastar​​ @captstefanbrandt​​ @badassbaker​​ @pinknerdpanda​​

I know I’m forgetting people, sorry.

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Warnings: Definitely M, swearing and lots o’ smut !!

Length: 2781 words

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Just another little brain burp that I managed to get down on file. Basically a tiny bit of humour before we get to a filthy amount of SMUT.

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I know the premise of the Avengers playing “Truth or Dare” is tired and done to death, but I hope you’ll indulge me and read my little spin on it!

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The idea hit Sam first and he took advantage of the temporary stunned silence that followed to run back into the kitchen for another bottle of booze.

“What are we, ten?” Nat remarked sarcastically when he returned.

“You got falling down drunk at ten?” Steve teased and Nat flipped him the bird.

“Playing Truth or Dare.” Nat clarified. “That’s a kid’s game.”

“Depends on the questions.” Sam retorted, smirking. Cracking his knuckles, he cleared his throat and announced importantly, the self-appointed MC of the evening, “okay, y’all. We’re gonna play ‘Truth or Dare: Avengers Edition’, ready?”

Steve glanced worriedly over his shoulder, to the city beyond the Tower’s expansive windows. “We can’t get too crazy.”

“Alright, Grandpa.” Sam grinned.

“I’m serious! Nobody leaps off the Tower or shoots arrows into targets twenty blocks away or tries to dive and glide along Lexington with their eyes closed-”

‘One time.’ Sam muttered.

“-or anything else that will get us on the six o’clock news.”

“Ok, Boomer.”

“What does that even mean?”

“Nothing, nothing,” Sam grinned. Addressing the rest of the group he continued. “Okay, who goes first?”

The dares were fast and dirty, the truths dirtier still but after a few bloodthirsty hours almost everyone had tapped out and gone to bed, even the instigator himself and soon only the three enhanced Avengers were left, sipping Asgardian mead, the two oldest still in shock over some of the dares.

“I can’t believe Wanda could hit those high notes.” Bucky began.

“Tony looks good in Daisy Dukes.” Lev grinned and Steve snorted.

“Did you know Nat could do that with her tongue?” Bucky added.

“How many somersaults did Sam manage before he hit the table? It was seventeen, wasn’t it? I lost count laughing so hard.” Lev dissolved into giggles again at the memory.

“I think we can all agree that the highlight of the night was Tony singing ‘My Humps’ and twerking in said Daisy Dukes.” Steve chuckled.

Bucky started choking and coughing, wheezing as Lev thumped him on the back.

“I’m suspicious, he managed to produce a blonde wig awfully fast for that number.” Lev continued, swirling her mead in her cup before downing the last swallow. “Okay, last round and then I’m calling it. Steve. Truth or Dare?”

Steve considered for a moment, what was the lesser of two evils at this point? “Truth.”

“Is there anyone in the Tower you’ve fantasized about having sex with?”

Steve choked and began coughing, face going red. Jaw tensing like he was considering not answering and therefore drawing the dreaded ‘ten-shot penalty’ which at this point, would take him from pleasantly drunk to black-out wasted, he finally muttered, just loud enough to be heard. “Yes.”

“Ooooh. Really?” Lev chirped. “Who?”

“You already asked your question. My turn. Bucky, what do you want? Truth or Dare?”

“C’mon,” Lev persisted. “Spill, Rogers.”

Steve shook his head vehemently, looking pointedly to Bucky to hurry up and answer. His eyes flicked unwillingly one last time to Lev and she gasped because, in that moment, they all saw the truth.

“Dare.” Bucky’s voice broke in. He stared at Steve hard for a minute, then at Lev and she was surprised to see, rather than straight up anger, a tinge of curiosity in his supernatural eyes as Steve hurried to continue.

“What’s that thing the kids are doing? The cinnamon thing. Do the cinnamon thing.” Sweat popped on his forehead and his eyes begged Lev not to say anything more.

“And what is the cinnamon thing?” Bucky asked, his voice as dry as if he’d already done said challenge. He looked away from Lev and arched a brow at Steve.

Lev hid a giggle behind her hand. “You have to eat a spoonful of cinnamon.”

“That’s all?” Bucky sneered, standing and confidently marching into the kitchen. There was some banging of cupboard doors and drawers, then he reappeared, holding a spoon aloft, piled with cinnamon. Tipping the spoon at Steve he jammed the whole spoonful into his mouth.

He managed a straight face for about seven seconds, then coughed a huge brown cloud, disappearing back into the kitchen to the sound of Steve and Lev’s hysterical howls, returning a few minutes later with reddened cheeks and a wet face, glaring daggers at both.

“Assholes.” He grumbled, resuming his seat. “My turn. Steve.”

“I already went!”

“I can pick whoever I want. Truth or Dare.”

You could see the wheels spinning in Steve’s eyes, weighing the pros and cons. If he chose ‘truth’ then there was a chance Bucky would continue with the topic of who in the Tower he wanted to sleep with, but if he went ‘dare’ he might end up choking on cinnamon too. Finally, he crossed his arms defiantly and replied.

“Dare.” Obviously, he feared spice burn less than revealing his fantasy.

Bucky glanced over at Lev, just a quick side-eye, then stood and started to leave the room. “Steve, stay here. We’ll be right back.”

Lev, although she looked as confused as Steve, nonetheless followed Bucky and despite his best efforts, Steve could not eavesdrop on their conversation, piquing both his interest and anxiety before the pair returned. A strange blush colored Lev’s cheeks, but excitement danced in her eyes. The same anticipation lit up Bucky’s eyes as well before he sat back down and looked over at Steve. His voice was low and husky as he said, “I think we all know who you want to fuck so… here’s your chance.”

“W-what?” Steve stuttered, eyes snapping to Lev before returning to stare, stunned, at Bucky.

“We talked about it,” Bucky explained, glancing over at Lev, who nodded. “And I think it’s the goddamn hottest thing I’ve ever heard.”

“I don’t understand.” Steve faltered but the growing flush in his cheeks said he did and was rapidly warming up to the idea.

“You,” Bucky replied slowly, leaning forwards. “Fuck my girlfriend and I get to watch.”

A low sound rumbled in Steve’s chest, an animal anticipation that belied the hesitation still on his face. “Fuck, you guys-” he rasped, running a hand over his face.

Lev tensed, waiting for his rejection, feeling a strange disappointment. She’d wondered as well what Steve was like in bed, she was only human.

“What if someone catches us?” Steve finished and Lev exhaled a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding in. That was what was holding him back? Getting caught.... Interesting.

“We’ll go to our room.” Bucky answered, flicking a glance at Lev to make sure she was still okay with this. The flush creeping up her neck answered him, and he grinned wickedly. It didn’t happen too often, but Bucky did have a kinky side and it looked like tonight it was going to come out to play. The bigger surprise was it seemed Captain America had a hidden bend as well.

One last attempt by his practical side to put the brakes on. “What… I mean, why?”

Bucky licked his lips and held up his glass of Asgardian mead, the only drink capable of intoxicating the three of them, serum enhanced as they were. “Liquid courage,” he replied, then nodded his head at the floor to ceiling windows of the common room, indicating the huge full moon visible outside. “And blame it on the moon.”

“Seriously Steve,” Lev broke in. “I’m not going to lie, I’m curious and I’m all in, but only if you are too. No hard feelings-”

Steve chuckled darkly and his next words surprised Lev even as they accelerated her pulse. “Oh, something’s hard, alright.”

“Then let’s go.” Bucky breathed, rising to his feet.

Lev felt a frisson of nerves as she followed him, staring at Bucky’s wide back, hearing Steve behind her. As the approached the room, his breathing got heavier and Lev’s pulse quickened. She wasn’t regretting this, far from it, but didn’t want this night of indulgence to potentially ruin their bond. They were a team… then they standing at the door and, as Bucky paused to unlock the keypad, Steve leaned over Lev from behind, his hard chest pressing ever so slightly against her back and his breath ghosted along her throat, and she suddenly didn’t care anymore.

Stepping inside, Lev turned to address him, but Steve was right there, grabbing her with a breathless intensity and crushing his lips to hers, taking what he obviously had been wanting for some time. She barely registered Bucky moving soundlessly away and pulling an armchair close to the bed before dropping heavily into it, eyes locked on them. She let Steve guide her to the bed as he claimed her mouth, devouring her with a startling hunger. His tongue swept inside her mouth and, while it was different from the sensation of Bucky, it was no less exciting, and she couldn’t stop the whimper it pulled from her. Then he was urging her down, following her and pushing her arms above her head, holding them there while he ravaged her mouth, then dropping his attention to her throat as his other hand started to explore, rucking up under her shirt.

Lev moaned, mind reeling and caught sight of Bucky out of the corner of her eye. He was reclined in the chair almost lazily, watching Steve consume her with a hungry intensity in his eyes. His metal hand fisted on the arm of the chair while his flesh one almost insolently stroked and rubbed at the bulge in his jeans. Fuck yeah. She saw him mouth and his complete abandon eroded the last of her hesitation. Arching beneath Steve she gave into the fantasy, wrapping her legs around his hips as he started to grind against her.

He yanked her shirt off, growling as he unhooked her bra and sent them both flying then buried his head in her breasts with an animal noise, drawing a gasp from Lev as he moved his head and latched onto her nipple. One hand massaged her other breast while the second dipped lower, popping the button on her jeans and creeping inside.

“Yes,” Lev whimpered, glancing once more at Bucky. His jeans were open now too and, as she watched, he drew his cock out and began to stroke it.

“Taste that pussy, Stevie.” He growled.

Steve complied, leaving her breasts to trail wet kisses down her belly before tugging at her jeans, sending them and her underwear sailing off in the same general direction of her shirt and bra. He stared down at her for a moment, as if confirming to himself that she was actually here and this was actually happening, then dropped down between her thighs, pushing them apart.

He inhaled deeply, groaning low in his chest and Bucky growled back in agreement. Lev arched under him as Steve licked a thick swath up her folds then dove in, laving and sucking. She barely caught her breath before he pushed a thick finger inside her, moving it in time with his incredibly talented tongue and she reached down, fisting one hand in his hair while the other clawed at the bedding. Dimly she could hear Bucky, almost panting as he watched.

“Fuck,” Steve mumbled, face still buried.

“Tastes good, doesn’t she?” Bucky rasped and Steve groaned in agreement. A second finger joined the first, stretching her wider and sparks rocketed up her spine as she bit back a shriek.

Focussing on her clit, Steve was relentless, and Lev’s orgasm rose with startling speed. As it crested, Steve reached up and pressed his hand against her lower abdomen, holding her in place as he persisted and she bucked beneath him, coming hard. He continued, lapping up everything she gave him, milking her climax until she was hypersensitive and squirming away.

Raising his head, Steve met her eyes, breathing harshly, his face glistening with her essence. Animal hunger darkened his eyes, blowing them black and he looked over at Bucky, as if for instructions.

Lev couldn’t hear what Bucky said, if he did say anything, over the rush of blood in her ears but then Steve was rearing back, ripping his shirt as he tore it off and yanking off his jeans. His cock bounced free, angry red and weeping and he jacked it a few times, breath rasping in his chest as he stared down at Lev like a hungry lion.

“Do it.” Bucky growled. “Take her, from behind.” Lev could hear his hand moving rapidly, stroking his cock and, as Steve flipped her over and lifted her hips, she could now see him, still in his chair, jeans pushed down his thighs enough to free his cock, which he was fisting so roughly it almost looked painful, but he had eyes only for the show in front of him.

Lev arched her back, waiting and just dripping for Steve to finally push inside her. His hands faltered slightly on her hips then he spoke, voice hesitant.

“Condom?”

“Don’t need one,” Lev moaned just as Bucky growled.

“Fuck her raw.”

His filthy mouth and even filthier instructions drew a deep groan from Steve, and he rubbed his cockhead through her folds, gathering her juices and drawing out the anticipation.

“Now.” Bucky grunted and Steve drove forwards, filling Lev with one relentless push. His head dropped back between his shoulders as Lev bit into the blanket to muffle her cries. Steve was as big as Bucky, but this was a different kind of stretch, a different kind of burn.

“Fuck, yes.” Steve groaned, staring down at where he plunged inside Lev, spreading her ass cheeks for a better view. His thrusts grew deeper and stronger, gliding with the most delicious friction.

Lev met Bucky’s eyes, locked on his stare as he watched, biting his lip as he jacked himself hard. One particularly hard thrust made Lev whimper with ecstasy and Bucky growled, low in his chest.

“Take it, baby.” He grunted. “Fuck, Steve. Give it to her.”

Steve could only moan as he slammed into her, heavy balls slapping against her clit then he smacked her ass as he yanked Levi closer, driving impossibly deeper.

“Fuck-” Steve rasped. “You feel so fucking good-”

“More, fuck yes-” Lev moaned, eyes still locked with Bucky’s, talking to both men.

Their gazes held with fevered intensity as Steve fucked her, as Bucky jacked himself to watching Steve fuck her and Lev felt her second orgasm begin to overwhelm her; desperate now, she arched her spine even further, spread her legs even wider, drawing Steve in as deep as he could go.

“Fuck, yes. Take that cock, baby.” Bucky snarled; eyes wild as he neared his own finish.

“Shit-” Steve groaned. “I’m gonna cum-”

“Fill her, fuck that cum deep into her.” Bucky ordered, his words flung Lev the rest of the way over the cliff and she bit hard into the blankets to muffle her scream as she came, eyes locked on Bucky’s.

Behind her, Steve’s thrusts faltered then he slammed one last time into her before letting go, head dropping back with a groan as he filled her, pulsing deep inside, muscles locked and trembling in intense release.

Bucky growled deep in his chest, watching Lev’s ecstasy through her eyes then gave in to his own intense orgasm, cock pulsing thick ropes like spun silk onto his bare stomach, dripping thickly over his fist as he groaned, a long and deep  powerful sound.

Panting, Steve sagged forwards over Lev, forehead almost touching her back as his body shivered and clenched with aftershocks then he pulled free from her body and collapsed to the bed, Levi sinking beside him, head spinning and body throbbing with perhaps the most intense orgasm she’d ever felt. Her body ached for more; for Steve, for Bucky, for both of them at the same time and she could see on Bucky’s face as he panted, cum glistening on his skin and hand, eyes hooded, that he was thinking the exact same thing.

Steve’s hand lifted, then rested on her heaving back, tentatively stroking her spine as he reluctantly met her eyes. He feared something had changed between them all, but a tired grin lit up his face when Lev met his gaze and he saw the truth there; she’d loved it just as much as him, and this wasn’t going to be a one-time thing.

Moving from her back to cradle her face, Steve hummed low in his throat then tipped his head up just enough to meet Bucky’s gaze, his grin widening at Bucky’s expression.

His eyes dropped back to Lev’s, holding her stare as he growled and reached his hand out to the other man.

“Get over here, punk.”

[bloodsbane]

i saw a really good post about how a lot of peoples hatred of rose stems from us seeing her progression backwards. like its very possible that by the end of her life she felt about her past the same way steven seems to in the movie.

yeah!! idk if there was any One Post that brought the idea forward first, or more like, put it into words, but it’s definitely a useful way of describing rose’s character in the show and helping people understand their mixed feelings about her. 

i think it’s really cool, what rose’s character has done. we got to know her exclusively through second-hand accounts (excluding her tape, where she talks directly to steven). everything else is skewed by someone else’s personal opinions/views of her (through i think we can assume since greg’s stories about her are in flashback-form, they are more or less trustworthy as factual)

i was thinking about it earlier today, about why a lot of people seem to have grown to vehemently hate rose and/or pink, and i think it’s for that very reason... like, the closest i can think of it is how we can get attached to a Public Figure, or a Content Creator - you think very well of them, they seem super nice, they did a lot of good stuff, you admire them! but then you find out they did shitty things in the past and it puts you in a weird position because the things they did were! bad! and you feel a bit betrayed, even if you never personally knew them and you never saw the ‘real’ them. were they ever genuine? are they only as real as all the bad stuff they’ve done? 

i think liking rose and then growing unsure of who she was and being unsettled by or outright angry about the things she did when she was still Pink Diamond kind of captures a similar feeling. it also works well with how you idealize a parent when you’re wrong, then at some point you recognize them as flawed and just a person, like you, and it can be super difficult to reconcile that. 

she’s very interesting!! but i think it’s really important to both 1) appreciate how far she did come, in actuality - she DOES grow a lot, at least philosophically, but also 2) her position as both a gem and as a Diamond made changing herself in any sort of meaningful, constructive, positive way REALLY DIFFICULT

lately people have been talking more about how the way pink was brought up (by the Diamonds) contributes a lot to why she acts the way she does (towards Spinel, towards Greg, etc.) which is great! but i also think that people generally undervalue the fact that gems are... ALIENS... literally BUILT to be a particular way, to fulfill a specific purpose... just, in general, they don’t even have a lot of CONCEPTS that we do. of course we’ve learned enough about them to understand gems are susceptible to the same follies as humanity - anger, fear, resentment, mental and emotional instability, etc. etc. But it’s not a really ~natural~ way for them to be, they have to TRY to adapt to that sort of thing, which leads to really extreme cases like Spinel or even Lapis

oof but i’m getting into a whole other topic entirely!! i’ll just rap up by saying yeah, it’s super cool that rose’s character arc is sort of given to us in reverse, it makes for a very interesting relationship between her and the audience, but such an approach obviously has it’s pros and cons. i think it’s cool and i’m glad a lot of people are understanding better why rose/pink is a conflicting character for them. 

[sakurarebin]

This is definitely a long post, but here I go... So, my headcanon is that Taichi is a Leo and Yamato is a Scorpio. I feel like this fits their relationship perfectly. I just finished the first season in Japanese with a friend (and we are starting the second season now), so I figured I’d share. I’m quoting most of the article, but I wanted to add my own comments, so put the text directly here. :D This initial quote is from a different link, which I can share if people want. 

“ Leo and Scorpio are legendary lovers, where passion meets fierce loyalty and spikes in fiery conflict.”

Leo and Scorpio Love Match: 

“The Lion is not only the ruler of the zodiac, but is also a natural hunter that cherishes the excitement of a chase. Hence, when it comes across the mysterious and elusive Scorpion, it is attracted to him/her like a moth to a flame. On the other hand, strength and confidence in the Leo’s personality is what enthralls Scorpio from the very beginning of the relationship.”

All I can think of this is when they are in the snow and Yamato runs away from Taichi after their argument and Taichi runs after him to literally pounce on him only to be punched. “Like a moth to a flame” indeed. And Taichi’s strength and confidence does have an impact on Yamato. I’m pretty sure that is what makes Yamato encourage Taichi to take the roll of leader. 

“While these signs might look like they have no similarities whatsoever, they actually do see eye to eye in certain innate beliefs. Scorpio and Leo are both passionate and ambitious in their own divergent, yet complementary, manner. This helps them build on their relationship and create a unique bond together.”

I don’t think I need to even add anything to this. This is in the show and every “in character” fanfiction for these two. 

Pros and Cons of Leo and Scorpio Compatibility Pros of the Leo Scorpio Relationship:

“Leo and Scorpio are both fixed signs. This helps them understand each other on a different level and creates a functional dynamic between the two... [They] trust each other to the hilt and that, in itself, is the biggest positive of the Leo Scorpio compatibility.”

Yep! There is no doubt in my mind that there is unerring trust between the two of them. I mean Taichi was willing to risk his life to prove how much he trusts Yamato. 

“They are both very determined to make it big in life and will thus encourage and support each other on the professional front at all times. They are very focused on their dreams and will thus motivate each other whenever one of them feels a little out of steam or insecure.”

I can really see this between the two of them. They always push each other to be better, anyway, no matter what the circumstance is.  

“Their bond is very enriching in terms of what the signs can take away from it. They have the chance to grow as individuals through each other, and if they are smart enough to take it, both Leo and Scorpio will become better and stronger human beings due to their relationship.”

This is literally one of the things I absolutely love about their relationship. You can see the growth they cause in each other. I love it! Now, to the complications...

Cons of the Leo Scorpio Relationship:

“Both Leo and Scorpio are known for their inflexibility and refusal to adjust to their partner’s personalities. This will certainly create friction in their relationship, more so when they get caught up in arguments and ceaseless bickering.”

Yeah, this is most of Adventure 01. Jyou comment in epsiode 9 “What are they arguing about this time?” basically epitomizes this. You can’t really deal with their relationship without noting that this happens. 

“The optimism and idealism in the Leo can clash vehemently with Scorpio’s logical and realistic approach to life. This makes it difficult for them to embrace the differences between them and can widen the chasm in their relationship.” 

Yeah, this is a chasm that they have to overcome. But again, this one of the points of contention throughout Adventure, especially in the beginning. 

“Leo’s fiery temper and Scorpio’s jealousy might become additional factors that can cause unrest and resentment in their bond. Since both star signs are quite domineering, there is a possibility of a power struggle between the two.”

Taichi has a bit of a temper, but not nearly as badly as Yamato’s temper, ironically. But he definitely has one otherwise they wouldn’t have gotten into their fights. “It take two to tango”. It cools off for a while in 01, a lot in 02, and even more so in Tri. I do think Yamato would totally be a quite a bit possessive and jealous, if he is feeling too insecure. But, that is something I think they could work out given how loyal and trusting they are to each other. As to both being domineering, that is pretty accepted in fact, I believe that is what lead to Taiyama being created out of the Taito vs Yamachi issue.  

Conclusion:

��Because Leo and Scorpio are so different from each other, it is very important for them to find common ground and build the foundation of their relationship on it. Their union can be a unique experience for them both and can truly teach them enduring things in life. If they manage to embrace each other with their flaws and differences, they are likely to come out on top of every challenge that is thrown at their astrology compatibility. They will overcome every hurdle and will eventually form an unbreakable, powerful, and blissfully satisfying bond with each other.”

This last paragraph again, sums them up perfectly up to and including the “unbreakable, powerful, and blissfully satisfying bond with each other”. I mean whether or not you ship them, this is true within the series. But, this is why I have a hard time shipping them with anyone else. I totally believe they have been interested in romantically since 01 and no other bond could compare to the one they have. I mean even the epilogue... 

[hbrascend-blog]

When you manage a team of people, you can’t always ensure that they’ll get along. Given competing interests, needs, and agendas, you might even have two people who vehemently disagree. What’s your role as the boss in a situation like this? Should you get involved or leave them to solve their own problems?

Ideally, you’ll be able to coach your colleagues to talk to each other and resolve their conflict without involving you, making clear that their disagreement is harmful to them and the organization. But that’s not always possible. In these situations, we believe it’s important to intervene, not as a boss but as a mediator. To be sure, you won’t be a neutral, independent mediator since you have some stake in the outcome but you’re likely to be more effective in meeting everybody’s interests — yours, theirs, and the organization’s — if you use your mediation skills rather than your authority.

Why rely on mediation and not your authority? Your colleagues are more likely to own the decision and follow through with it if they’re involved in making it. If you dictate what they should do, they will have learned nothing about resolving conflict themselves. Rather, they will have become more dependent on you to figure out their disputes for them.

Of course, there will be times when you’ll have to put aside your mediator role and decide how the conflict will be resolved — for example if major departmental or company policy issues are involved, there is imminent danger, or all other avenues have failed to resolve the conflict, but those occasions are few and far between.

What if your colleagues expect you to step in as the boss? Your first move is to recognize your authority, but explain the mediation process you have in mind. You might tell your colleagues that although you have the authority to impose an outcome on them, you hope that, together you can find a resolution that works for everyone. You could also tell them that when the three of you are together, they should devote their energy to reaching agreement, rather than trying to persuade you which of their views should prevail.

Should you initially meet with each colleague separately or jointly?There are pros and cons to both approaches. The goal is to understand both of their positions (what one is claiming and the other rejecting) and their interests (why they are making and rejecting the claims).

Conflict often carries with it a heavy dose of emotion. One or both of your colleagues may be seriously angry. One or both may feel intimidated by the other. Meeting with each separately will give the angry colleague an opportunity to vent, give you a chance to reassure the intimidated colleague that you will listen, and may surface information ultimately useful to resolving the conflict — information that colleagues either haven’t shared with each other or haven’t heard if shared.

If you first sit down with them separately, don’t focus the discussion on how to resolve the conflict, but rather on gaining an understanding of the disagreement and convincing each that you are willing to listen and anxious to understand their concerns.

Research has shown that initial separate meetings are more successful if the manager spends time building empathy and gaining an understanding of the problem. There will be plenty of time in subsequent meetings to talk about how to resolve the conflict. Also be sure in this initial meeting that you are using empathy (That must have been really hard for you) and not sympathy (I feel sorry for what you have been through). An expression of empathy is respectful but relatively neutral and it does not imply support for the person’s position.

The risk in starting separately is that each colleague may think that the other is going to use that meeting to sway you to the other’s perspective. You can avoid this by explaining that the purpose of the meeting is to understand both sides of what is going on, not for you to form an opinion on who is right and who is wrong.

Meeting jointly at first has its upsides too. Giving each a chance to do some controlled venting in a joint session may clear the air between them. You should check with both before proposing this approach since you want to be sure that they can engage in such a session without losing their composure, making resolution even more difficult. And be sure to set some ground rules — each will have a turn, no interruptions, for example — before you begin and be prepared to tightly control the session and even break it off if you cannot control it, otherwise it can turn brutal.

Another good reason to have your colleagues meet together is that ultimately, they need to own the resolution of their conflict and they need to develop the ability to talk to each other when future conflicts arise. Of course, the risk in meeting jointly is that you cannot control the process and the meeting only escalates the conflict.

Keep in mind that you don’t have to pick one mode of meeting and stick with it throughout the process. You can switch between modes. However, our research suggests that starting separately and building empathy and then moving to joint is more effective in resolving conflict than starting jointly and then meeting separately.

What should you accomplish in your first meeting? Whether you’re meeting together or not, there are several things you want to do in the initial meeting. Explain that you see your role as helping them find a mutually acceptable resolution to their conflict, but also to ensure that the resolution does not have negative implications for the team or the organization. Make clear that deciding whether a particular agreement is acceptable requires their buy-in and yours. And then set out some rules for whenever you meet together. For example, treat each with respect and don’t interrupt.

The goal of the initial meeting is to have them leave with emotions abated and feeling respected by you, if not yet by each other. With that done, you can then bring them together (if you didn’t meet jointly the first time), and focus on getting the information that you all need in order to resolve the conflict.

What information do you need to draw out in subsequent meetings? In order to resolve the conflict, you’ll need to know from both people their positions (what each wants), interests (why each is taking that position, how the position reflects their needs concerns), and priorities (what is more and less important to each and why).

You can gather this information by doing several things: asking “why?” or “why not?” questions to uncover the interests that underlie their positions, listening carefully to identify those interests, reformulating what you think you understand about one colleague’s interests to make sure you understand and that the other colleague also is hearing them.

What are the pitfalls to avoid? There are several ways that these discussions can go wrong. For one, either colleague can try to convince you that their view of the facts in the only correct view, that their position is the “right” one, or that they should prevail because they have more power. We call these facts, rights, and power arguments and they are detrimental because they distract everyone from seeking a resolution that will satisfy everyone’s interests.

The facts argument is an interesting one. Both colleagues may have been at the same scene but each remembers it differently. They both think that if they could only convince you and their colleague of their view of the facts the conflict would be over. The problem is that even if you had been there, it is counterproductive to try to convince others of your view, because without new credible information they are unlikely to change their minds about what happened. The best approach to closing this trap is to agree to disagree, and move on.

Arguments about rights may come in the form of appeals to fairness or past practices. The problem is that for every rights argument one colleague makes, the other can make a different one, which supports their own position. What one party views as fair the other views as unfair and vice versa. If they start to invoke fairness, suggest that discussion be put aside temporarily, while you jointly search for information that might be useful in resolving the conflict.

Power arguments are basically threats. If you don’t agree to my position, I will …. Being threatened turns people defensive and distrustful, which makes them more reluctant to share information about positions, interests, and priorities. If one person issues a threat, explicit or implicit, remind your colleagues of the ground rules of respect. You might also repeat what you are trying to do — share relevant information to get to a resolution — and that discussion of what one will do if there is no settlement is counterproductive at this point.

How can you move forward toward an agreement? Finding potential settlements may be easy if in the process of helping your colleagues understand their different positions and interests, it becomes clear that this conflict was just a misunderstanding or that there is a way forward that respects both parties’ interests. If it becomes apparent that their interests are as much in conflict as their positions, finding a settlement may be more difficult, but don’t give up.

Our research shows there are several ways to facilitate an agreement in this situation. Surprisingly often, parties can simply agree on how they are going to interact or address the issues in the future. They put the past behind them, accepting that past practice wasn’t working for one or the other or both and move forward together. This can be tricky though. Sometimes one might be willing to engage in a future-based agreement like this but not trust the other to follow through on it. In those cases, where uncertainty is a concern, you can try one of these types of agreements:

Limited duration. Try something for a limited time and then evaluate before continuing.

Contingent. Agreements that depend on a future event not happening. If the future event does happen, an alternative agreement takes effect.

Non-precedent setting. Agreements that protect against risk by parties agreeing that the settlement will not set a precedent in the event a similar conflict arise in the future.

It’s best if your colleagues can propose resolutions that meet their own and the other’s interests. You may be able to coach them into making such proposals by summarizing the interests and priorities as you’ve heard them. You can then ask each colleague to make a proposal that takes into account the interests and priorities of the other. Discourage each from making unrealistic proposals that would offend the other. You might warn them not to make an offer they cannot reasonably justify, because doing so will compromise their credibility.

If despite everyone’s efforts, you can’t reach an agreement, you might need to speak with each colleague separately about the consequences of not reaching a resolution. You can ask, What do you think will happen if you don’t reach agreement? The answer of course is they don’t know. The only way to keep control over the outcome of the conflict is to resolve it themselves.

If there is still no settlement at this point, you may need to shed your mediator role and, as the boss, impose an outcome that is in the best interests of the organization. Be sure to explain your reasoning and make clear this isn’t your desired path. You might also point out that your goal in having them work hard in resolving the dispute on their own was so that they would be better equipped to do so in the future, and that goal hasn’t been fully accomplished. But don’t let them walk away thinking their relationship is doomed. Give them both feedback on what they might do differently next time, making clear that when they butt heads again, you’ll expect them to manage it on their own.

Originally published at www.hbrascend.in.