#boring is something that I use for dry stuff or crime novels

[heljar-heimur]

reading for leisure is supposed to be fun.

Even if you are like me who reads for a specific purpose in your leisure time, if your only reaction to a book is "ugh it's boring" then put it down.

I read a lot of books that I don't classify as "fun". However, I always get something out of them, I am reading them to inform myself, to understand something. If I start a book and I get nothing out of it, I'm dropping it.

I like to divide all books I read into 2 very broad groups - yes even fiction. 1. Pure fun 2. Mind occupation.

Before some people come at me about "Mind occupation" I couldn't think of a better term that broadly encompassed everything that fits there. Books in group 2 can be entertaining, they can be exciting, they can be fiction. They are books that leave me thinking, they are not a repetitive forgettable plot with little original input from the author.

people will read books they Do Not Like™ and then wonder why they hate reading

[foreheadtouch]

i don’t want your memory. (i want you here with me).

Why do you want to learn Russian? With that question I was suddenly transported to a cold, metal police interrogation room to confess for a crime I was most definitely guilty of committing. I was handcuffed and trapped. Exposed.

*3k words of pure angst* 

———

It was an eerily frigid January night—black and silent—like drifting out in the middle of space. People doing everything in their power to escape it. The wind chill burned against my cheeks and the freezing air seemed to shrink my lungs to the size of lemons. Each breath I drew was sharp and labored.

Inside Hobie’s apartment wasn’t much better. My blood felt hot and thick underneath my skin—the heat was turned up slightly too high, so as to make me sweat underneath the itchy sweater that I couldn’t take off, because then of course, I'd be cold again.

The sky was deep and dark and not a single star was visible. I felt that if I stared too long, its vastness would swallow me whole. Only the bright white headlights of whirring cars seeped through the window and bounced across the walls of my bedroom in a series of dizzying flashes.

I sat on my bed with a half empty bottle of vodka, feeling claustrophobic in an empty room.

The heat made me hyperaware of any nagging discomfort that would have otherwise gone unnoticed. Every itch and ache was pulled out of me, like a magnet with scraps of metal.

I tried readjusting the neckline of my wool sweater, but it would not stop scratching and clawing against my skin, almost choking me. Had it somehow gotten tighter during the day? Why couldn’t I breathe?

I was just drunk enough that my movements were sloppy and my fingertips felt slightly numb.

I looked over at my desk, where a brand new copy of Dostoevsky’s The Idiot was resting, the lamp shining directly on it, like an ironic spotlight, and I felt the walls close in on me.

I didn’t want to, but I thought back to the conversation I had that afternoon.

It happened in the campus bookstore. Dozens of hasty university students were furiously barreling through the narrow passageways between shelves filled with books like Guide to Financial Markets, Plato’s The Symposium, Multivariable Calculus Volume 1, Shakespeare’s King Lear.

How was your break? Did you get the classes you wanted? Oh, I’m actually working at this bank. Doing research in this laboratory.

Their obnoxiously eager attitudes and bright eyes bore a sharp contrast to my own. I couldn’t remember the last night I had gone to bed sober. My eyes were sunken and glassy. Plum-colored patches formed under them and had not gone away. My skin had developed a grayish, sickly looking tinge that caused Hobie to insist I take a multivitamin in the morning. And how many days in a row had I worn this sweater?

I moved, begrudgingly, against the grain of the crowd, and slumped through the shelves while people forcefully shoved against my shoulder and scoffed at me under their breath for going the wrong way. But who cared what these crappy trust-fund kids and pompous brainiacs thought of me. I drowned out their complaints and dragged my fingers across the spines of the books, until I had successfully collected all the necessary novels for the upcoming term.

“Wow! That’s a lot of Dostoevsky! Let me guess… Based on your reading list I’d say… Intro to Russian Lit and… maybe Conversational Russian with Professor Khachanov?” the bubbly girl at the checkout asked as she scanned my stack of books. I wasn’t expecting her to actually pay attention to them.

I wondered how many espresso shots went into her morning coffee or if she was this energetic naturally. She seemed like the kind of girl who kept her customer service smile on 24/7. I could not bring myself to muster up enough energy to match her excitement.

“You guessed it.” I replied with a stiff, lifeless smile and apparently, less enthusiasm than she had hoped for, judging by the little twist her mouth did. She began transferring the books into an ugly canvas tote bag with the university logo on it that I knew cost extra money. I didn’t ask for it, but I also didn’t care enough to tell her to stop, so i just watched her silently and adjusted my glasses.

I thought my curt reply would signal that I wasn’t in the mood for small talk, but she started up again: “You now, that’s not very common. I see a lot of Slavic Studies and International Relations students take Conversational Russian, but not English majors. You guys usually just take Intro to Russian Lit. Why do you want to learn Russian? Is your family Russian or something?” She stuck her hand out for my student ID card.

Immediately after she stopped speaking, my palms grew sweaty and my pulse thumped throughout my body and I felt its rhythm pound in my ears. My mouth went dry and I felt a lump form in my throat. I was suddenly transported to a cold, metal police interrogation room to confess for a crime I was most definitely guilty of committing. I was handcuffed and trapped. Exposed. The harsh fluorescent lights of the store glared and pierced my brain.

I cleared my throat, which felt like sandpaper, unable to force any words out, so I stood there, like a dumbstruck idiot, blank-faced and silent, for an uncomfortably long amount of time.

Finally I managed to stammer, “I uh, I want to be able to read the original translations. At some point, I guess.”

With my head down, avoiding eye contact, I quickly snatched the receipt from the girl, shoved it into the canvas bag, and hurried out the door. God, she probably thinks I’m a psycho. But it didn’t matter. I desperately needed to get away from there. Away from that question.

Now, hours later, in my stuffy bedroom, I sat confronted with my crime, suffocated by the truth. Why had I really signed up for conversational Russian?

———

It was the same reason I found myself buying the cheap brand of vodka that we used to drink together, even though I could afford better stuff now. It tasted like jet fuel and burned my throat, but it was familiar and reminded me of the countless, blurry days we spent in a state of drunken stupor.

It was the same reason that on my way home, I would hesitate and then walk to the gas station around the corner for a pack of Marlboros, even though Hobie had taught me how to hand roll my own cigarettes. “They’re much better this way, Theo. It’s all about the craft. About paying attention.” And it was true, they were better, way better actually, but that didn’t stop me. I didn’t want better, I wanted him.

It was the same reason I took the subway down to Brighton Beach and the Lower East Side on weekends and wandered through the Russian neighborhoods, pretending like I was meant to be there. Because maybe, just maybe I was.

It was the same reason I would lie down with Popchik on my chest and close my eyes, feeling the weight against my lungs as I inhaled and imagined the warmth of him pressed up next to me, boney arm draped over me, holding me.

It was the same reason I curled up in bed at night with my earphones in—the Velvet Underground’s entire discography lulling me to sleep. Except for “I Found a Reason.” I recognized it by the first note and would immediately skip it. I couldn’t listen to it.

The habit we had of maintaining a constant level of drunkenness and snorting whatever we could find up our noses had unfortunately stuck with me. When I removed myself from my own depressing turmoil and looked at my life like a stranger would, I knew it was a problem. Without me realizing, it had spiraled from being a vice to a legitimate addiction.

But I didn’t have a reason to stop.

I tried so hard to forget him. I really did. Every time that feeling started to creep up, to gnaw at me, I would try to press it as far down as it could go. I would crumple it up into a tiny ball and throw it far far away. I would hold it underwater until it hung limp and lifeless.

I had no choice, because if I let it linger, just for one moment, it would consume me entirely.

It was a dull ache that never went away. The sting of tears welling up in my eyes. A lump in my throat. A knot in my stomach. Weak knees, like right before you’re about to faint. Heartache.

Sometimes he would come to me in a dream or in a nauseating, intoxicated hallucination. It was like looking at a reflection of him on water or through a mirror. It was almost real and I could have pretended he was there until, looking at him wasn’t enough and I greedily reached out to touch him. Suddenly, the water around my hand would ripple in expanding orbits and he would vanish.

We existed on two different planes now. I was here, doomed to live in this reality, where at one point, we had faced the disorder of life together, but now he was reduced to a figment of my imagination, a cursed dream, a memory of what once was.

And so that night, I gave in. I surrendered.

While I stared at that book, I let the memories wash over me with a force like a wave, crashing violently against a cliff. The rock I was grabbing onto crumbled beneath my finers and I was ripped away from my pretense of safety and pulled back into the sea—back to Las Vegas. Back to Boris.

———

“Potter. You can’t ask me to read to you and then just… fall asleep.” Boris said, through laughter, as he flicked my head.

My dad and Xandra had gotten into a big fight. It wasn’t their usual bickering about him watching too much football and not paying enough attention to her. Or about her staying out too late after work with friends and forgetting to make him dinner.

I couldn’t quite make sense of the full argument, or even remember why they started yelling. From the broken shouts, I figured out that my dad had lost a lot of money. And he had used some of Xandra’s? Or was about to? I wasn’t sure.

All I knew was that when Boris and I came home that night, there was a dent in the drywall of our living room and they were shouting. Judging by the accumulation of beer bottles on the coffee table, my dad had been drinking. A lot. They hadn’t even noticed us walk in.

We grabbed Popchik, who was a shaking mess in the corner of the kitchen, and we went back to Boris’. His dad was away on “special business.” I knew enough by then not to question it.

“Is great, actually,” Boris said, “when he is gone, he leaves money. 30 bucks this time.” He looked at me with his wide, dark eyes, sparkling with childlike excitement, as if we had just won the lottery.

We got started on our usual routine when we had extra money. Getting fucking blasted and buying cigarettes and a family sized bag of Cool Ranch Doritos.

We were passing a cigarette back and forth in his bedroom, sitting shoulder to shoulder, faces inches apart. Boris was slouched next to me, in silence, but a comfortable silence.

The air was charged with something electric that I couldn’t find a word for. I turned my head and traced his profile with my eyes. I didn’t realize how long I had been staring, but when he slowly turned and looked up at me, softly, my stomach jolted.

“You’re tired, aren’t you?” He asked, sitting upright, still maintaining his gaze. I liked how he could read me so well. It was a mark of how close we had gotten, how we moved in and out of each other’s minds with little effort.

“Yeah. I think I’m too wasted” I said, looking away abruptly and taking another drag of the cigarette before passing it to him, our fingers brushing, as he took it from me and brought it up to his lips.

“Stay here, Potter. I have great idea. You’ll love this, promise. Will cheer you up right away.” He got up quickly and handed the cigarette back to me.

“Where the fuck would I go?” I laughed and watched him slip into a room down the hallway.

He came back smiling and holding something behind his back.

“Please don’t tell me that’s more vodka.”

“Is not vodka. Guess again.”

“Boris, I have no fucking clue.”

He rolled his eyes and held out a thick book. The title was in Russian but fortunately, it was one of the words Boris had taught me. Идиот.

I was a little confused. What did this mean. Where was he going with this. I scrunched up my nose and said, “I don’t know enough Russian to read a whole novel.”

He sat down next to me and shoved me a little.

“No, идиот. I read. You listen.”

So I did. I slid down the wall and rested my head in his lap. Boris put one arm over mine, held the book in his other hand, and began to read the opening chapter.

I always appreciated how he was so forthright and unapologetic with his movements. He didn’t hesitate when resting his hand on mine. Or playing with my hair. Or stroking my arm.

He didn’t leave room for me to resist, not that I wanted to, although my first instinct was usually to pull away.

“This book. My favorite.” He started reading: “В конце ноября, в оттепель, часов в девять утра, поезд Петербургско-Варшавской железной дороги на всех парах подходил к Петербургу…”

I couldn’t understand a single word, but I didn’t care. I liked the sound of his voice when he spoke Russian. The way his mouth shaped the letters was firmer and smoother in Russian than in English—it was sultry, almost hypnotic. I closed my eyes and felt the soft vibrations of his voice wash over me.

I also liked the way I felt in his arms. Safe, cared for, loved, even.

———

That was, after all, why I signed up for Conversational Russian. Because of Boris. Because I might not ever see him again, and the thought of that was too unbearable, so I did everything in my power to feel close to him. To stay connected to him in some way. Any way.

Because I was in love with Boris but somehow I had lost him, caught up in the tangled tragedy that was my life.

I didn’t know if it was for good, but how would I ever find him in this great big world? It had been years since I last saw him and months since I last heard from him.

One day, I realized his face was becoming fragmented. I tried to construct and image of what he might look like now, like I was collecting scraps of torn up newspapers and piecing them together with glue.

Dark wavey hair against translucent ivory skin, a sharp contrast like an old film photograph taken in black and white. I could see the blue and purple veins underneath his skin. I could see his ribs poking out. I remembered his striking but soft eyes, always filled with a glimmer of curiosity—an inextinguishable thirst for life and all its excitement. The way they could communicate thousand of phrases in just one glance. His full lips that were often chapped and bleeding. But I miss them. The way the felt against my own that night. And the many nights before.

The image of the fourteen year old Boris I knew would forever be seared into my memory, in the way cattle were branded with molten hot metal. But what was he like now?

Sometimes I would pull out my old phone and read back through our conversations, then close my phone, and hold it over my chest while tried to hold in tears and catch my breath.

Other times I would look up at the moon and wonder where in the world he was. And if he ever looked up at the moon and thought of me.

Did Boris think of me? Did Boris miss me? Was Boris breaking apart and tearing up inside too?

Oh, the countless nights I would type out long messages with no intention of ever sending them. Are you okay? Where are you? I miss you.

I knew what loss felt like. That’s wasn’t unknown to me. I had lost my mother. For good. But the thing about Boris is that I didn’t know if it was for good. And that small chance is what was killing me and eating me away, but it was also the only thing keeping me alive. Because there was still a chance and I wanted to believe in it. I needed to. Things fall apart. But things come together too. But how many times? Had our time come and gone?

Maybe I would go the rest of his life wondering what could have been. That would be a death sentence I was sure of it. Because it was torture not knowing.

How would I ever be able to know peace when there was that small chance—that infinitely small chance we could meet again.

I wanted so badly to get a text one day from an unknown number. Potter. Is me.

I wanted to shout across the world. Here I am. Here I am. I won’t ever stop looking for you. I love you.

So I would continue hoping. I would keep going to Brighton Beach. I would keep searching the ends of the earth, forever.

But as for now, I had to learn how be content with the memory of him.

[flying-elliska]

salut ellie! someone once asked you about your writing and you recommended falling in love with language and finding ways of writing you love. i was wondering, what books and/or writing styles are you in love with? it's just so interesting to know what somehow had an impact on the way you're writing bc i honestly adore your style

wow do you remember that ? that is such a flattering question oh my god. well, i’m still working on it. some of my favorites are (i’m very eclectic lmao) : 

- His Dark Materials (it’s a fantasy book series ‘for kids’ but it’s actually insanely deep and philosophic) is pretty much the first book series that made me fall in love with stories, and made me want to write. I think I found it when I was 10, and it completely shaped me. It’s so ambitious and clever, it never talks down to the reader, brings up those amazing worlds and philosophical concepts and is still accessible to kids. Most of all it is so committed to atmosphere, to making it vivid, to really make you go through what the characters are. I’m thinking of it and I can remember exactly certain passages in an almost sensory way : the witch Serafina Pekkala describing what it feels like to feel the Aurora Borealis on her bare skin as she is flying through the arctic. The polar bear Iorek giving Lyra frozen moss to help bandage his wounds after a battle. The grilled poppy heads that the Jordan College scholars at Oxford eat during a meeting. The little Gallivespians on their dragonflies and the way the sun reflects off their poisonous spurs. That’s how you make a story stick ; that’s how you can put in deep stuff without ever making it boring. I am so excited they’re making a tv series because that shit deserves some recognition. And I mean the whole plot about the importance of stories, free will, the horror of religious fundamentalism....always relevant. Philip Pullman’s stuff is great in general, I love his Sally Lockhart series, which is more adult and adventure focused, and is a great deal of fun. And of course, the sequel to HDM he’s been putting out recently. 

- I spent a lot of my teen years reading either crime novels or historical novels. (When I think of some of the stuff I read when I was 13 I’m like oh my god what were my parents doing lmao some of that was really horrible.) And I think it gave me a good feeling for suspense and setting, and how important tension is. One of my all time faves is Andrea Japp. She is a French writer who does mostly crime, involving complex/monstrous woman characters and a very sensory, poetic approach to language, often involving food, plants and poisons. My favorite by her is the “Season of the Beast”/Agnès de Souarcy chronicles, which is a crime series set in medieval times, with a cool independent lady at its core, crimes in a monastery, and this very gloomy end of times vibe that I love. I also read a lot of Scandi Noir stuff, I love the kind of ...laconic approach to life. And again : vibe. Vibe is so important. And Sherlock Holmes stories. I love the Mary Russell series that take place in that universe and are basically a big Mary Sue self insert guilty pleasure but are just. So much fun. 

- I like poetry a lot - not stuff that is too wordy, but something short, sharp and vivid. i think reading poetry is essential to feeding your inner ‘metaphor culture’. I love Mary Oliver. Rimbaud, too, that I read at 17 and rocked my world. One of my underrated faves is  Hồ Xuân Hương, a Vietnamese poet from the 18th century who was adept at using nature metaphors to hide both erotic stuff, irreverent jokes, and political criticism, and correspond with all the great scholars of her time under a pseudonym. Badass.  Recently I bought ‘Soft Science’ by Franny Choi, which is about cyborgs, having a female body, emotions and politics and it’s absolutely brilliant. 

- I love reading fairy tales, too. Currently reading (i always read a lot of books at once lol) Angela Carter’s Book of Fairy Tales, basically fairy tales for grown ups, collected from folklore all over the world, with an amazing kind of gruesome humor and wisdom. Norse mythology is also so damn funny. That one bit with Thor dressing up as a bride or Loki’s shenanigans...amazing. And I like fantasy, I find it very soothing to read for some reason, my fave has to be Robin Hobb and her Realm of the Elderlings series. And Terry Pratchett, especially the series with Death or the Witches. Just brilliant. Neil Gaiman too. 

- I tend to be very impatient when it comes to literary fiction, I find a lot of it is self-indulgent, dreary. I’m a genre reader through and through, I need to be amazed. I loved ‘the Elegance of the Hedgehog’ by Muriel Barbery though. Some stuff by Amélie Nothomb, Virginie Despentes occasionally (they’re French writers with a very dark, wry approach to life, tho the first is more polished acid and the second very punk rock). And ‘Special Topics in Calamity Physics’ by Marisha Pessl is pretentious as hell but a lot of fun, if you like dark academia. Salman Rushdie has a way with language that is amazing. 

- I read a lot of non-fiction. At the moment : the Cabaret of Plants (about the symbolic/socio historical meaning of plants and how they shaped history) by Richard Mabey and ‘Feminist Fight Club’ by Jessica Bennett. One I absolutely love is ‘the Botany of Desire’ by Michael Pollan in which he traces the history of four plant species (apple, potato, cannabis, tulip) and how they impacted us as much as we impacted them. I was obsessed with plants for most of my life as you can see lol (my mother is a herbalist and I wanted to become a botanist for quite a while.). Also philosophy/anthropology in little bits. I love Tim Ingold. Things about witches. Anything by Rebecca Solnit is incredible. 

- I’ve been reading a lot of YA recently, because it’s fun and quick and keeps me reading, and has a lot of good female characters. Big fave recently : Jane Unlimited by Kristin Cashore. It’s about a young bisexual woman who’s grieving and comes to this weird house full of doors, each of which leads to a different path in life, and we follow her through each choice she can potentially make, each of one becomes a different genre of story : creepy ghost story, spy story, sci-fi, cute romance, etc. It’s so innovative and it’s a story that is also bisexual culture at its core. Also I absolutely love love love love love (etc forever) the Raven Cycle series by Maggie Stiefvater. What she does with language is just so cool, because she stays simple and efficient but uses her metaphors in such a fulgurant, vivid way. Some of her lines are just. bam! genius. #goals. Also Ronan Lynch is probably THE character that helped me the most with my coming out. He’s one of my forever faves.  Of course Harry Potter, lmao, I was of the generation that pretty much grew up with him, the last book came out when I was 17. JK Rowling really should just stop rn. But I learned so much from those, about the importance of making your story feel like home, and having a clear emotional journey. And Harry is such a sarcastic little shit, I love him. And I love a Series of Unfortunate Events too, the darkly funny tone of it, the celebration of knowledge and resilience. 

- I think in terms of the classics (I had to read in school lmao), I do like Victor Hugo a lot even though some of his stuff just doesn’t fucking stop. I also like Balzac and his Comédie Humaine, he’s very observant, mean and funny when it comes to people (even though it’s depressing.) Colette is my grandma’s fave writer and she is a rockstar, I love her (also hella bi culture). Jane Austen is great, I read Pride and Prejudice in one night straight, I was so hooked. Love Jane Eyre too. I read On the Road by Jack Kerouac while hopped up on opioid pain killers and that’s probably the only way to appreciate it, but it did mark me.  

- But to be completely fucking candid, I probably read the most fanfic nowadays still. Esp since I got to college, I need to unwind when I read, and having characters you already know can be so comforting. Now, of course, there’s a lot of fanfic that is just fluff (nothing wrong with that) but I honestly really believe in the literary value of fanfic. Because some of that shit simply just really slaps and is well written. But also as a genre on its own : you just simply don’t get so much emotional nuance, and depth in most other things. Because these are characters we already know and the writers are not afraid to be self-indulgent and plot is secondary, we see shades of things that we never see anywhere else, we see relationships developping in the small things and wow that shit is breathtaking, bro, sometimes. The art of infinite variation on a theme. Even though a lot of fic writers could use a bit of stricter editing, and do stuff a bit too many unnecessary details in here, so does Victor Hugo soooooooo....

lol i could go on forever. i love book soooo much. uni kinda killed my reading appetite, I used to read several books a week when I was in middle school. hope i can get back there (although maybe not as much bc i have a life now lol.) but thinking about everything i have yet to read makes me sooooo happy. I want to get more into sci-fi, English lit classics. Basically I like stuff that’s witty, dark, political, hedonistic, with dry humor, but a warm heart. Stories that celebrate knowledge, curiosity and human weirdness. And that gets to the point. When I get bored by a book, I put it down, because I just don’t have the time. I also hate writers where you can tell that they think they’re better than other people. Misanthropy is boring. Thank you for this question anon I had a blast

[parsleybabe]

The Unpopular Opinion Book Questionaire

Before I start, credit where credit is due: I copied the questions and format of this post from @resist-the-fear’s post and this wordpress post, because I couldn’t figure out how to add my answers into the original post without messing up all formatting. And I’m really sorry if this upsets anybody, but the idea is cool and it’d be a shame not to continue it on tumblr.

So, here we go...

1. A Popular Book or series that you didn’t like.

1) Feels like the Twilight Saga would be the obvious answer (and it IS), but I’m gonna go for pretty much all of Dan Bown’s novels and I’m gonna explain my dislike with The DaVinci Code

This novel actually angered me so much that I wrote my master’s thesis on how Brown deliberately mislead the majority of his readers into mistaking his fiction for actual facts in order to sell more books.

The gist is, any and all art historic descriptions and information given within the book are fully fictional. That includes a page of “facts” (labeled as such) preceding the novel itself (which doesn’t contain any actual facts at all) and a note underneath stating that all descriptions of paitings were accurate. Spoiler alert: They’re not. I majored art history in school and did a lot of research, but, honestly, anybody who’s interested in art history and knows the very very basics about the renaissance and other time periods can easily disprove all of the novel’s supposedly accurate art descriptions.

And, to be truthful, I have to admit that Brown is really fucking good at fiction. He’s also really good at writing his fiction around and over existing art historic knowledge and twisting it without making it too obvious for careless readers. That’s kinda cool. And I get that disguising fiction as fact isn’t a new trend. I mean... Defoe did when he falsely claimed that Robinson Cruseo was a factual report of a true event, because the readership of his time period wasn’t familiar with adventure fiction. But what really annoyed me was 1) how many readers actually believed Brown to have uncovered some genuine conspiracy and 2) that Brown kept feeding into the delusion of those fans again and again through comments in interviews and webpages, even though he fully knew it’s all fiction, because he himself made it up.

  2) And then there’s the Wanderhure series, written by a German writing couple under the pseudonym Iny Lorentz. I’m not sure if this has been translated into English, but it’s been highly popular in Germany and several other countries (won some awards and was made into a series of TV movies and whatnot). It is, quite honestly THE WORST BOOK I HAVE EVER READ IN MY WHOLE LIFE.

The first novel was recommended to me by relatives because parts of it take place in a city that I have lived in for quite some time, and it’s a historical fiction based on a medieval poem. The premiss of the novel is great: during the middle ages, a young and respected girl gets accused to have sinned by some townspeople and nobody believes her to be innocent, as she is just a girl. She gets cast out of her city and home, left with no other choice than to become a traveling whore if she wants to survive. She ends up becoming quite successful in her profession (in the sense that she has many high ranking clients from both church and state who pay her with lots of money and other favors) and returns to the city that cast her out long ago to have a huge effect on politics and religion.

The story was quite intriguing to me, both due to the interesting plotline as well as the reference to the city I live in. HOWEVER, it is horribly written. All characters, especially the protagonist, are unbelievably flat. There is no character development whatsoever, even though the story offers plenty of chances to find it. I read through the book because of the locations... houses that actually still exist, that I have been in, Gateways that i’ve walked through, roads that I’ve travelled on. Those are very well described. It’s easy to figure out each and every step the characters take on a map and that’s really cool. But the plotline was destroyed by less than mediocre characterization and simple, unimpressive language. Every time a character is supposed to feel something, the sentence literally goes, “She felt xyz” - and that’s as descriptive as it gets. There’s no atmosphere created and not an ounce of fluidity in the sentence structure. The whole narration is as dry as brick and the story reads like a two dimensional still drawing of a 3D rollercoaster ride.

2. A Popular Book or series that every one else seems to hate but you love.

I honestly don’t think that there’s any book series that EVERYBODY hates. And I do think that all the books I love, are actually pretty popular. Buuuuut...

I’ve seen the Mortal Instruments series getting a lot of hate on tumblr. And I fully understand why Cassandra Clare isn’t everybody’s favorite author. I don’t like her methods and procedure at all either. But, I have to say that I do like the basic plotline of the Mortal Instruments. I’ve only read the first three novels, and I have no clue what happens afterwards. And there’s a lot to be criticized, be it Clare “copying” existing dialogues, or some really flat and ... well, just plain naive characters. BUT the plot itself is cool. So, I felt positively entertained and liked it. Love would be a bit of a strong term, though, I think.

3. A Love Triangle where the main character ended up with the person you did NOT want them to end up with (warn ppl for spoilers) OR an OTP that you don’t like.

Not giving any spoilers, but the Demon’s Lexicon Trilogy. I really, really disliked the reveal of an actual pairing in the third novel. It didn’t make sense to me, and I wasn’t reading for romance to begin with. It kind of cheapened the story because the love interest side story suddenly got A LOT of attention that it didn’t before and that shifted the focal point of the overall plotline. (Loved the first book, really liked the second, couldn’t care less for the third, tbh)

4. A popular book Genre that you hardly reach for.

It’s either crime fiction or esoteric non-fiction.

I’m actually into a lot of different genres: almost all types of fiction (YA, dystopian, sci-fi, political, thriller, mystery, adventure, horror, fantasy etc.), also children’s books, travel books, hobby and craft books, satires, other humorous books, biographies/autobiographies, educational books, historical books both fiction and non-fiction...

Doesn’t matter, but crime fiction (as long as it doesn’t contain anything else) is just so boring to me. Also, it feels to me as if most crime fiction heroes solve those crimes with A LOT more lucky coincidences than I would hope actual crime fighters depend on.

And esoteric books are just completely outside my personal interests. Either the stuff described in those books feels like fiction to me while being sold as non-fiction, or it’s stuff that I feel should not be aquired through books but personal encounters and explorations.

5. A popular or beloved character that you do not like.

Definitely Clary Fray from the Mortal Instruments. Man, she is soooooo slow on the uptake and so naive in so many ways. And she’s also kind of a horrible Mary Sue, not just because of her name... (I mean, really? Clary, Ms Clare? 😔) But also because of how she is so awesomely good at everything and how she always thinks of the perfect solutions for everything when nobody else does. Kinda... very little room for character development. But, then again, who needs that, right?

6. A popular author that you can’t seem to get into.

Aside from Dan Brown? Here’s my unholy trinity...

1) Stephenie Meyer (yeah, the Twilight one) - I was actually sent an e-book copy of Twilight right before it became such a huge success. I started reading it, because my friend recommended it and praised it so highly. But, I couldn’t make it past a couple dozen pages. The writing style is just so bad, I couldn’t continue. The characters were so flat, I lost any and all interest in what was going to happen. And the story wasn’t all that intriguing either, especially because it was loaded with antiquated world views, especially Bella’s character and what was deemed right for her to do was just... WOW, it was just so unbelievably bad, lol. I was so surprised that it actually ended up being successful.

2) E.L.James (the 50 Shades one) - For years, I genuinely believed that it was impossible to write worse than Meyer. Boy, was I wrong. I tried several times to read more than ten pages of 50 Shades of Grey, and I failed every single time. It’s not just a bad story, I’ve seen children’s books for toddlers that have a more interesting sentence structure than what she comes up with for an adult audience. Her language is so dull and non-descriptive that even the supposedly racy sexy bits read like a phone book to me. Honestly, I DON’T GET WHY anybody ever had any interest in this book series. The language is unspeakably poor, the plot takes all the wrong turns it could possibly take, the “research” done before writing the book... I don’t even know where that load of complete misinformation could possibly come from.

3) Iny Lorentz (the writing couple I mentioned above: Elmar Wohlrath and Iny Klocke) - Just bad, bad, bad writing. No concept of character development, fiction asthetically written like non-fiction, no use of language to create atmosphere or convey emotions. They write neutral snoozefests. And... I can’t bring myself to write any more on them.

7. A popular book trope that you’re tired of seeing. (examples “lost princess”, corrupt ruler, love triangles, etc.)

Mary Sues and Gary Stues. But Love Triangles are a very hot contender.

8. A popular series that you have no interest in reading.

All the different Shades, lol.

9. The saying goes “The book is always better than the movie”, but what movie or T.V. show adaptation do you prefer more than the book?

Definitely Stand By Me which is Stephen King’s The Body. That movie is about as great as that story could have possibly been when put onto the screen. The actors were so perfectly cast, the cinematography, costumes and set design really captured the time period, atmosphere and geography, and the facial expressions portrayed all the right emotions beautifully.

Also, I have to say, out of all of King’s movie adaptations, and while neither The Body nor Stand By Me are categorized as horror, the scene where you can see the dead boy’s face is one of the scariest, most horrific moments I can think of in a film ever. It gave me nightmares when I first saw it, and still, to this day, I have to close my eyes when that scene comes up. And the cool thing is, it’s not meant to be specifically horrifying, or gory or scary. But the simplicity of the sudden glimpse into dead eyes, to me, is scarier than any monster I could imagine and does King’s reputation more than justice.

[swordarkeereon]

Fiction vs. Real World Occult

It never ceases to amaze me the questions I receive in my email where people have blurred the lines between fiction vs. real-world occult. Or perhaps it doesn’t amaze me so much as saddens me. For some people, there’s a real disconnect between reality and pure fantasy. They are willing to believe that fictional accounts like Marlowe’s Dr. Faustus, Milton’s Paradise Lost, and Dante’s Inferno are all factual accounts, when in fact — all of them are fictional fabrications. Fantastical fantasies of writers’ minds.

To make a fictional story truly frightening to those who aren’t educated or experienced enough in the topic, one must believe the tropes prevalent in occult fiction in order for that story to fall into the horror category. For those educated in the occult, fiction that relies on this belief is at most – thrilling, as opposed to horrific.

What do I mean by tropes? Common plot devices (perhaps even overused plots) in a specific genre. Tropes are oftentimes expected by readers. After all, a common trope in sweet romance is that all the sex happens behind closed doors. If you’re reading what you think is a sweet romance and BAM – you’re hit with a full explicit X-Rated sex scene, you may not be too pleased with the author. All genres have these particular tropes. In fantasy, sorcerers/mages can’t be all-powerful. In a mystery, there’s the reluctant detective (one who doesn’t expect to be solving a crime – but has to to save themselves usually).

For supernatural occult fiction, think back to the Satanic Panic of the early nineties (if you were alive back then) and you will see the very fabric of occult fiction being purported as fact.  Some common genre tropes (some of which are dying, thank goodness):

All non-Christian religions are murderous cults or “Satanists’. (Bride of the Devil)

Children and/or adults being sexually abused by Satanic cults during ritual. (Just about any supernatural movie where alleged Satanists are involved)

Women being forcibly bred with sacrificial babies or Daemon/Satan spawn. (Rosemary’s Baby)

Children/Adults/Animals being used as blood sacrifices. (Just about any supernatural movie where alleged Satanists are involved)

Daemons who manifest as terrifying monsters to destroy those who conjured them, or to terrorize unsuspecting victims. (Just about every supernatural movie)

Possession of innocent people, turning them into monsters. (The Exorcist et al)

Daemons, Spirits, and Gods manifesting as humans to destroy innocent victims (or the world). See Possession above… (The Omen)

A house or location possessed by a Daemonic Spirit or vengeful spirits of the dead. (Amittyville et al)

Hell as an actual place filled with fire, brimstone, and the stuff of nightmares. (The Gate, Hellraiser)

People making pacts with Daemons to gain wealth, fame, etc… but are oftentimes utterly destroyed or tortured. (Devil’s Advocate, Constantine, Ghost Rider, Solomon Kane etc…)

Circles of salt, or special magickal circles in general, will protect you from anything (except ghosts) as long as you stay inside and don’t break the circle. (Supernatural)

Some newer tropes that have surfaced in the past 20-30 years include:

Blurred lines between good and evil.

Not everything is as they seem.

Is the main character haunted/possessed – or mentally ill (or on drugs)?

Not all magick and magick users are evil, but there are defined lines between good and evil.

These are all great storylines. They’re fun, they’re thrilling (or terrifying depending on your beliefs and imagination), and they’re spooky. It’s no wonder people would rather the fiction be true when it comes to the real-world occult. Real world occult is boring comparatively. It often looks more like studying, meditating, waxing philosophic, and performing rituals that are about as exciting as watching cement dry from the observer point of view. The one movie I’ve seen recently that seems to be pretty close to the real-world occult is A Dark Song. And guess what? A lot of viewers hated it!  Most real-world occult ritual isn’t nearly as theatrical as movies and novels would have us believe – and if it were, it would be nothing more than a theatrical presentation as opposed to genuine magick. The biggest reason being that you can’t get into the proper mental and meditative states required for proper application of magickal forces between all the monologues and exaggerated actions that theatrical rituals require.

Yes, when I’m telling a fictional story — even I write within the tropes of my genre(s). Well – some of them anyway.  My characters have done huge group rituals to raise the dead (which always physically manifest, of course) and capture spirits. They’ve rescued other practitioners, who’d been kidnapped by avenging angels, from the astral plane. They’ve raised Daemons, dealt with haunted houses, and on occasion have even found themselves possessed.  I wrote a horror story where a willing woman is used in a sex magick rite of a faux Satanic cult, and finds herself Satan’s sex slave. But none of this is real. I don’t know a single Satanic group out there who has exciting mass orgies of the flesh with 50+ people (and I know a LOT of Satanists). Usually, sex magick is reserved for small groups of 1-6 CONSENTING ADULTS. That’s the more accurate, real-world scenario, and not all occult practitioners practice sex magick anyway. Notice how the real thing is far less exotic or scandalous than the image of fifty Satanists, donned in the same ritual uniform, performing a ritual in unison, followed by the kinky ritual sex. The latter makes for far better fiction hands down.

There’s a reason I place my fictional books in the occult and supernatural FICTION categories and I use a different pen name from my NON FICTION. While a lot of my fiction has a basis in real-world occult practices, communities, and beliefs  –  I exaggerate magickal results and spirit communication – drawing it into the physical world on a level it doesn’t happen in the real world. A lot. Some of it is outright outlandish. For example — zombies raised via necromantic rituals ARE NOT REAL. When conjured, Daemons do not appear as razor-toothed monsters, snarling and spitting and covered in blood and mucus. More often than not, you’ll get shadows, knocks, footsteps, or a tap on the shoulder. On VERY rare occasion, you’ll come face to face with a Daemon and they’ll look weird (not grotesque), or they’ll have angelic faces and striking eyes. The most frightening part of coming face to face with an actual Daemonic force is the unexpectedness of it, and the physiological response the resonance of their energy causes.  See — not nearly as exciting, is it?

But I’m still writing tropes. I’m just writing newer tropes. Blurred lines, not all magick is bad, but I still make that definition between good and evil because readers expect it!

Some common tropes that end up in my inbox (and my responses) –

I want to make a deal with a demon, but I don’t want to sell my soul or have to kill a baby/person/animal to do it.  Human sacrifice is cowardly and not a part of real-world occult practice. Animal sacrifice has certain rules/perimeters (i.e. not neighborhood pets — food animals only) and is often only done for offering rites, usually with a meal afterward. Also, there are no Daemons running amock collecting souls. That’s just fantasy/fiction. Please see my book on Daemonic Pacts.

When I make a pact with a demon, how do I keep it from killing me? That’s not necessarily how Daemons work. I have yet to meet anyone who has become Daemon food after a pact. At worst – you’ll prove yourself worthless and unworthy, and the Daemonic will simply ignore you forever more. If they think there might be potential there – they might kick your ass to try to shove you in the right direction. If they respect your work ethic and think you’d benefit from the pact – they’ll help you out. How that turns out is up to you AND them.  If you end up dying due to a pact, well, either it was your time to leave this world, or you likely destroyed yourself. Sometimes we get what we ask for, and sometimes what we think we want isn’t actually what we want and we end up destroying ourselves because of it. Fame and Sorath work tends to have this effect on people.

When I come face to face with a demon I conjure, what should I expect? You likely won’t come “face-to-face” with the Daemon. It’s not going to manifest inside a fiery pentagram on your bedroom floor. That’s not how it works. However, if you do find yourself blessed with an actual physical manifestation (not just smoke and mirrors) – there is no way to prepare for that. It’s always intimidating or shocking. And nothing like what you see in movies.

I am afraid of demons because of what I’ve seen in movies about them. Are you sure your methods are safe?  Magick isn’t safe. Life isn’t safe. If you want safe, wrap yourself in bubble wrap and never leave your home. But seriously, if you’re afraid of demons because of what you��ve seen in horror films, you probably ought not be practicing Daemonic rituals of any type. Ever. You may just end up manifesting your own fears. Fear is a powerful thing.

My magick didn’t manifest immediately! Something should have happened by now if it worked!  Let’s face it – some people are better magicians than others, and I will even venture to say that Daemons tend to favor some practitioners over others for various reasons. All magick done right will manifest. It may just not have manifested to your expectations. Perhaps it’s time to evaluate your expectations in relation to what you worked the magick for. You might also need to look into deeper issues that could be holding you back from receiving fully the things you think you should be able to manifest via magick.

But…  but…

But nothing. It’s time for people to stop pretending the fantastical tropes of the supernatural fiction genre are how things work. There’s a reason we separate fiction from non-fiction. I literally read an entire post on a magickal FB group the other day that sounded like a new script for the show Supernatural. There are people out there who really believe they’re Daemon hunter exorcists, and have convinced themselves they’re very much like Sam and Dean Winchester – chasing devils and rustling witches. Locking up Daemons in cages, or accidentally setting them loose. Don’t get me wrong – I love a good story as much as the next person, but it gets to be too much for me when people act like supernatural fiction is supernatural fact and want everyone else to validate their fantasy (or accept it as their own personal truth). Solid magicians know the difference.

[leeholtwrites]

What is the worst book that you've ever read and how would you fix it (aside from throwing it into the bin)?

You just had to ask the really hard question, didn’t you?

So I had to give this some serious thought, which is why this answer took so long. You see, I have a couple things going against me here. First, I don’t remember the details of most books I read 10 years ago, so those are out of the picture. Second, I’m a pretty discerning reader. I have this magical good book radar where I manage to miss truly terrible schlock unless I go looking for it. At worst, most of the books I read are mediocre. The last time I read a bad book on accident was when I read City of Bones to see what all the kids were into. And thus began my book blogging hobby, side thing, whatever.

This means I have a limited pool to choose from. You’ve heard about all the bad stuff I’ve read. So what is it? Well, after much consideration, I’m going to have to say Queen of the Tearling.  I know, you would think it would be anything Cassandra Clare wrote, especially since she remains consistently bad. but that isn’t the case. I even have to admit there is a certain train wreck charm to her work.The writing in the rest of the YA garbage isn’t actually all that terrible. Most of the time they can string a sentence together, and there is a sense of decent pacing. Hush, Hush is more dangerous than terribly written, although it is badly written, let’s not ignore that.

So, Queen of the Tearling. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

SPOILERS

There is a lot to discuss, but I’m going to try to keep this short. Here we go.

First, the pacing is atrocious. It’s slow and plodding with not sense of rise to a climax or any kind of first book payoff. It just kind of meanders towards… something. Stuff just happens. It’s supposed to be about Kelsea coming to power and defeating the queen (I’ll bring up the garbage end of the last book that my friend told me about later) but instead the book is hung up on appearance and books. I didn’t think a book could go on more about how special books are. Like, really? You’re audience is reading a BOOK. They get it.

Second, pick A villain. The book has every evil archetype just in the first book. An evil queen. An evil uncle. An evil church. Pick one for Pete’s sake, book. If the rest are all proxies of one, then okay, but the church wasn’t, and it didn’t feel like they were just a roadblock for Kelsea to work around so she could defeat the queen. From what I know about the end, I know that isn’t the case. There is no focus. If this book wants an adversary, pick one. Personally, the best choice would be for the current sitting government to oppose her in the first book, and keep her from being effective with fun political intrigue. Keep it close, personal. Make it about Kelsea learning. If they’re a puppet government for the queen, then make hints and reveal it at the end. That would keep the reader engaged much more effectively.

Speaking of the queen, give her a fucking motivation. In the book she’s all “I did say I would start a war, even though I don’t want to. Uh, all right. I will.” Tearling has nothing she wants. Nothing. She’s just doing it because. How weak can a motivation get?

And don’t get me started on Tearling. Talk about needing some serious research. They’re economy is literally just good wood, and not all the other perks that come with lumber, like shipbuilding if they have an ocean which could mean a transport industry like shipping. This applies to wagons too. Other countries would also pay for good lumber because of wagon wheels doors, etc. There would be a paper-making industry because cutting lumber makes sawdust, which makes wood pulp, which makes paper. Paper means another useful thing to ship and a bookmaking industry. Yes, books. That thing this novel is obsessed with. I would say scrolls, but this is post-modernity. I’m sure someone remembers how to make books if they haven’t learned by taking apart an old one.

And make Tearling attractive in some fashion. Who wants to have an expensive war with a shit country? Is Mortmesne landlocked, and so wants Tearling’s access to the ocean? Give me something.

The slave thing. Just, no. Toss it. It makes no sense. Find something else that shows a corrupt government like severe punishments for minor crimes, over taxing the poor, etc.

Now Kelsea. I’m good with her being a tall, heavy girl. That’s pretty awesome. The book needs to remember this. I would also educate her to be a queen, and not just send her off and expect her to do shit. She should be prepared for her birthright. If this is a lost royal story, then do it right. I would also have her guards live with them too. Especially the ones who maybe smuggled her out. Then you could have an established relationship between Kelsea and her protectors so we get a sense of why they would be protecting this future queen. Kelsea is also really, really self centered. Maybe address that.

And the writing. My god is this thing overwritten. I pointed out in this scene how Johansen can’t maintain tension because she can’t resist putting the quiet moments like reminiscing or backstory into her action, and she does it in run-on sentences. She doesn’t let scenes play out without telling us why every five fucking lines. Just, uh. I’m seriously making that noise you hear youtubers make when they’re talking about something. That sigh that says, “Why am I even torturing myself with this again?” That sigh of frustration. This book. Sigh. The writing is so tensionless and dry and boring. 

Which brings me to that ending my friend told me about. A little backstory, my friend liked the first book. She knows I hate it. Then she read the second book, and hated that one. Then, not too long ago, she texted me in the middle of the night to vent about how absolutely shitty and cheap the ending of the last book was. Apparently, Kelsea pissed off the church more. They’re bearing down on her, ready to murder her, and she makes a wish to her deus machina necklace. The book ends with her as a librarian in a library pre-Crossing. The three books, didn’t happen.

Just read Mark Lawrence. He doesn’t treat you like an idiot.

[char27martin]

Author Victoria Laurie on Writing Realistic Psychics, Penning a Good Mystery and Her Publishing Journey

Victoria Laurie hit the ground running with her debut novel Abby Cooper, Psychic Eye, and her career hasn’t slowed down since. She has multiple bestselling titles, and her latest novel, When, has been optioned by Warner Brothers for a TV adaptation.

  When tells the story of Maddie Finn, a high-schooler with the chilling ability to see the death dates of everyone she encounters. Penning novels about extraordinary talents is second nature to Laurie, who says she herself is a psychic intuitive. We talked to Laurie about writing mysteries, writing realistic psychics, and her publishing journey:

What was your life like, pre-book?

It was sad—filled with corporate America, working for the man and really disliking that kind of a life. My brain automatically goes into story form all the time and to have to rigidly put it into spread sheets and dull boring meetings daily was a little soul-killing. It was very difficult for me.

I didn’t immediately quit my job after the first book because the advance was so tiny. It took me about three or four years before I could quit my day job and write full time.

Who were some of your favorite writers as a child?

Erma Bombeck—she wrote If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits? It was the first time I [read] satire as a kid. She’s a very dry, witty, humorous writer, who wrote about being a housewife with kids she didn’t enjoy. I loved how she wasn’t trying to make her imperfect family perfect and how she coped through humor. She influenced me more than any writer I’ve ever read.

Did the fairy tales you read as a child influence your fiction?

No. But some of my stories were inspired by actual ghost stories that I’ve heard. The majority of them just popped out of my brain: What can I come up with that is terrifying, keeps the pacing going, and can be tied to a mystery with people who are alive? The books all have a sense of justice, where someone is doing wrong and needs to be held accountable. You can’t hold a ghost accountable—someone alive needs to be held accountable. I love writing about those little moments where the hairs on your arms stand up.

One of Us Is Lying: Karen M. McManus on Her Gripping Bestseller

Is there a particular book that inspired you to be a writer?

Janet Evanovich’s first book, One for the Money. It was 2003. I had been laid off, and I was sad and depressed. I remember watching Janet Evanovich on a morning show, talking about her latest book. She had written about a dozen books by then. The host talked about the humor she used. I thought, I could use some humor right now. So I headed to the book store and bought the first three. The books were amazing, and her voice was very similar to mine when I wrote e-mails or letters to friends. Evanovich’s contribution to the cozy genre and the mystery genre—to mingle humor, and wit, satire and hijinks—she did a lot for the genre. [After I read her books], I called my sister to say I was going to write a book.

I am embarrassed to say that it took me days to figure out what my amateur sleuth should be. I was like, What could she do? “Oh, cool, someone wants an appointment for me to give a psychic reading.” What could she be? “Well, yeah: a psychic sleuth!”

When did you first realize you had psychic abilities, and how did you respond to that discovery?

It wasn’t just a lightbulb going off. I had to be convinced I had a talent for it. I am big on science. I love facts. Intuition can be backed up by odds, not evidence. I am right about 75 to 80 percent of the time.

There were small windows of my ability in my childhood. I remember asking my father at dinner if he was fired. The whole table looked at me, and my father was like, “No, why would you say that?” Two weeks later, he got his pink slip. I didn’t like it. There was a sense of Did I cause that? Could I have prevented that?

Now, I understand that it’s like a dial on a radio station; you pick up stuff. I met a medium who was jaw-droppingly good. She is world-renowned now. I convinced her to go professional. She was like, “I will if you will,” and we worked at a shop together… Word of mouth started to spread. People kept coming back saying everything I said was true. So, there was a slow realization of my ability, but no real lightbulb moment.

A lot of your speaking events turn into mass readings. Is that intentional, or is it just something that happens because you are a psychic?

That is totally intentional. I could talk about me—and that’s boring. I’m an introvert. I’m pretty vanilla. People love to hear about themselves. [Doing readings at events] makes it fun for me, because I get to make it fun for them. The range of questions takes me by surprise. It ends up making what could be a dull event more entertaining.

What do people usually get wrong in books about psychics?

I am so sick of reading about psychics who say something bad is going to happen—and there’s no detail—no specifics. Real intuitives are very specific. We won’t say, “Be careful at night.” We would say something like, “Have you had interaction with a man knocking on your door at night?” The client says, “No. I have not.” Then we say, “Be careful of the knock that will come in the evening. Keep your doors locked, look through the peep hole, and, if you don’t recognize him, don’t open it up.” We pick up on a detail and hone it down; sometimes we can hone it down to hair color, ethnicity, height or personality. I think that’s why [my character] Abby Cooper has worked so well—because she is very detailed while discussing things to come or things that have happened involving a crime. She gives a lot of clues, but never the answer. The tricky part of writing an intuitive-based novel is retaining the mystery while giving enough specifics to make it believable.

What tips do you have for writers on writing realistic psychics and mediums?

It’s a difficult task. It came easy to me because it’s what I know. Avoid all the stereotypes: the overly-dramatic, fainting, bangle-wearing psychics. Avoid the psychic who is always on the verge of panic in talking about difficult subjects. Intuitives have touched on difficult subjects enough not to have super huge emotions over it. Sit for a couple of readings from good intuitives. We have a similar language; we say things like, “It feels like this…” or “I have a sense of…” It’s important to discuss the physicality of how we look when we are reading someone. If you look at my videos, you can see: When I’m cued in on someone, there is a look that comes over me. When I’m giving a message, I tend to look down and to the right. Most good intuitives do this. When I did research on this, I was intrigued—looking down and to the right accesses memory. That is a telltale sign that you’re in front of a real intuitive, because they are tapping into something, energetically speaking, that feels more like a memory. It’s not something they are making up.

What tips do you have for writers who hope to pen a mystery?

I think it’s really important to get dialogue right. A lot of writing can be really stiff and formal. You want to write the way people speak and the way you speak. I think it’s so important that people read their dialogue out loud to themselves. Read every word, and try to take the stiffness out of it.

As far as tips for writing mystery, I’m a big fan of a twisty ending. I am a big fan of writing myself into a corner and seeing if I can get myself out of it. I think it’s important to make sure that you’re going in a direction that hasn’t been done ad nauseam and isn’t too obvious. Make sure you have enough dead bodies and suspects to make it interesting, and have an ending that the readers can’t see coming.

Describe your current novel, When, in your own words.

When is the story of the importance of realizing that our time here is limited. To me, it was important to get the message to young people that we have a limited number of days. I wanted readers to consider what their expiration day is and that maybe it’s closer than they think. Question the choices you’re making; if they are bad, change them.

How did you come up with the idea for the book?

My best friend’s father-in-law was dying of bone cancer. She was caring for him in her house. She called me, exhausted and depressed. She said, “This is unbearable. He is in pain.” I told her he would live through the holidays and die shortly after that. He did. He died in January. I heard a tiny bit of relief in her voice because his suffering would end. In one way, it was a cool ability in that moment to offer her a bit of peace, but it was awful to have to say, “You’re gonna lose him.”

We all know our birthdates, but not the day we die. I thought, Wouldn’t it be interesting if I had a character who could predict the exact date that someone would die? How would that affect them and the family around them? She is a young adult, so that makes it harder for her. I wanted it to be a mystery, so I threw in a serial killer, and you have When.

Mysticism, mystery and murder are essential in your fiction. Do you deliberately pursue subjects that involve these elements, or do they come to you organically?

They come organically, the path of least resistance. It’s easiest for me to write this way; it’s organic. It’s become my style. You can recognize a book from me.

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Can you describe your writing process?

I head to the library Monday through Friday, from 1:00 p.m. to 5:00 p.m. I take a backpack, and I treat it like going to work. I crack out 1-=0 pages in that four hours, and I have a book in six weeks.

How do you discover your characters?

Most of them come from interactions with people I know well. Cat is loosely based on my sister. Most of my villains have shades of my mother; rather than spending time on a couch [at a therapist’s office], I write.

Tell me about your publishing journey.

Abby Cooper was my first foray into publishing—and she got rejected. I sent queries to 121 agents. A couple said, “Send me the full manuscript,” and she got rejected by every single one. My current agent, whom I adore, left the door open for a rewrite. I returned it to him in 10 days. I rewrote 11 chapters. He thought, since I returned the changes so quickly, that I didn’t take him seriously. He was disappointed, so he didn’t even open it for a month. When he finally opened it, he was like, “Oh, she did make the changes.” He offered me representation. I knew, in that moment, my life had changed. Abby went on to sell 250,000 copies.

How did you cope with rejection in the querying process?

Not well. Who does? It’s terrible. There was wine—me whining with wine. Rejection physically hurts. There is a quote that gets me through: An agent who rejected me sent a pamphlet that said, “If anything can prevent you from becoming a writer, go ahead and let it. If nothing can, persevere.” If I wanted to be a writer, and I couldn’t let the rejections stop me. Writers write. It’s what we do. I learned to take in the hurt, have a pity party, and keep going.

Looking back, is there one moment that you consider the biggest in your career so far?

I’ve been very lucky. Making the New York Times Bestsellers list was lucky. Warner Brothers optioned When, [for television], so my character Maddie is heading for big things. The one moment when my life changed direction in a positive way—and the highlight of my career—was getting my agent. It was an overwhelming feeling, having an agent who got what I was trying to do. He was excited, and he was ready to be my knight. That was the biggest moment—my favorite.

Did you celebrate becoming a New York Times Bestselling Author?

The day the list came out, I went to Starbucks at 6:00 in the morning, in the pouring rain, and had the barista take a picture of me holding the list up while I’m sobbing and crying. [Later I celebrated] with a glass of champagne—I had a bottle in the fridge because I had been close. I made the extended list a few times. The bottle has been in the fridge for three years, so I drank it. I was like, “Why am I drinking this? I don’t like it.”

Any advice for new writers?

This thing is such a gamble. Not being published says nothing about your talent or ability; it just means you haven’t found the right person to fall in love with your stories. Publishing is hard. Hone your skills, and keep working at it. Write a little every day. Keep it routine.

How has your life changed since publication?

In great ways. I have been able to quit the day job, and that was wonderful. I get to do what I love. I make myself laugh every day. If I don’t, it wasn’t a good writing day. I have colleagues that I love, like my editors and my agent Jim. They have become like family to me. They have enriched my life in so many ways.

What’s up next for you?

I’m working on a spin-off from the Abby Cooper series featuring Cat and Gilly. I am really in love with that now. I am writing a YA endeavor. I’m working on a fantasy series. It has a protagonist who’s not quite bad or good—she rides that edge. It’s a fantasy-based mystery series that has a mystery within a mystery. It’s told from her point of view in addition to a man’s perspective, and they overlap. I’ve also been thinking of doing another series that’s been in my head and won’t leave, so I am thinking of developing that—a sort of adult mystery, darkly humorous series.

How can people connect with you?

On my website: victorialaurie.com or on Twitter, at @Victoria_Laurie

Thanks, Victoria. It doesn’t take any psychic ability to predict further success for your stories. Your talent and killer work ethic will continually provide entertainment for your readers. 

The post Author Victoria Laurie on Writing Realistic Psychics, Penning a Good Mystery and Her Publishing Journey appeared first on WritersDigest.com.

from Writing Editor Blogs – WritersDigest.com http://www.writersdigest.com/writing-articles/by-writing-genre/mystery-thriller/victoria-laurie-mystery-author-interview

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5 Superhero Movies That Are Only Worth It For One Scene

Bad superhero films are a treasure. Not only does one make you disappointed with Hollywood for creating a bad movie, but it also makes you doubly frustrated because they’re messing up something that you know is good in comic book form. However, we shouldn’t write off a bad superhero movie immediately. Upon closer examination, these terrible films can contain little glimpses of promise — little glimpses that make you say “This might be a secret masterpiece.” Or at least, “This doesn’t suck every poop.”

5

Batman & Robin — The Criminal Property Locker

In the annals of bad superhero films, Batman & Robin stands alone. It isn’t a “Well, maybe it’s not THAT bad” film like Superman Returns or Spider-Man 3. It isn’t a “I’ll forget the plot of this before I even leave the theater” film like X-Men: The Last Stand or Daredevil. It isn’t a “That’s a damn shame” film like Superman IV: The Quest For Peace or Robocop 2. And it isn’t a “If there is a God, they wouldn’t let this happen” film like Catwoman or Spawn. Instead, it’s a film that somehow gets both more amazingly terrible and more inexplicably enjoyable with time. I hate it and I love it in equal measure, and years after I’m dead, researchers will discover my skeleton clinging to a VHS copy of it, like Quasimodo and Esmeralda at the end of Hunchback Of Notre Dame.

But the movie does have one extremely cool split second. Now, there is a well-known Easter egg in Batman & Robin: When Bane and Poison Ivy are breaking Mr. Freeze out of Arkham Asylum, you get a glimpse of the “Criminal Property Locker.” And in the locker are the costumes of the Riddler and Two-Face from Batman Forever. That’s kind of neat — though since Two-Face died by falling into a spiky underwater pit, it does imply that some poor Arkham intern had to dry-clean and sew his fucking suit back together.

Warner Bros.

Read Next

5 Things You Can't Help But Wonder When Watching Movies

But the rest of the stuff in the room implies that when the Tim Burton/Joel Schumacher Batman wasn’t eviscerating clowns or neon terrorists, he was still pretty busy. Beside the Riddler’s suit is a doll, so at some point, was Val Kilmer punching the shit out of B-list villain Toyman? Or is that the work of the Dollmaker, a guy who made dolls out of his victims’ skin? Is that dude still in Arkham? It’s unlikely, considering that Michael Keaton’s Batman was one part hero and nine parts sadist, and probably attached a bomb to Dollmaker and peed on him a little bit before even learning his name. But still, the scene adds history to a series that seemed to be mostly about Batman sitting around in his office, waiting for crime to happen.

And then, on the right side, we see a pair of boxing gloves. So good luck, guy who was using those. I’m sure your career as Two-Punch Man was really hitting its peak just before Michael Keaton ripped your intestines out through your eye holes.

But the most interesting part is the big mechanical suit that we see, and on first glance, you’d probably assume that it’s Mr. Freeze’s suit, since that’s what Poison Ivy broke into the locker to get. But Mr. Freeze’s suit looks nothing like that. So either Mr. Freeze has been fighting Batman and Robin for so long that he’s had to upgrade his technology in order to keep his chilly ass un-kicked, or it belongs to another mech-suited villain. The pyromaniac Firefly, maybe? That would be so awesome, and now I’m so pissed that I never got to see Val Kilmer stare expressionless around a bug man with a flamethrower. What were you even good for if you couldn’t give us that, the ’90s?

4

Judge Dredd — The Angel Gang

Judge Dredd came out in 1995, when we were still trying to figure out whether superhero movies were going to be a thing. Sure, Superman and Batman had been pretty successful, but was there hope for anyone else? The answer to that was “Not yet,” as proven by the lackluster Judge Dredd, which featured Sylvester Stallone. I know that we’re all currently pretty high on Stallone after Creed, but between Rocky IV and Rocky Balboa, he was having a rough time being in any movie that someone could honestly call good. At his best, he was in films like Demolition Man — or as my dad would call it, Daniel, we need to talk.

Judge Dredd has sweet set design, but other than that, it’s a lot of Stallone and Armand Assante shouting at side characters who are too useless to be given their own shouting dialogue. The only time it really perks up is when Stallone and his little buddy Rob Schneider get captured in the wastelands by the Angel Gang. The Angel Gang are cannibals, and their role in the movie almost feels like Judge Dredd DLC. But during the gang’s brief vacation in your eyeballs, Judge Dredd ceases to be a humdrum exploration into the beauty of shoulder pads, and starts feeling special.

There are plenty of movies wherein superheroes fight random gangs. There are just as many superhero movies where the hero is forced to fight a guy who could’ve been a hero, but instead went evil. But there are very few superhero films in which the hero has to tangle with the cast of The Hills Have Eyes. The Angel Gang is a bunch of wild cards. They don’t want to build a city-sinking torpedo or open up a portal to release an ancient evil whatever; they just want to snack on you a little bit. They won’t say any clever lines or reveal any master plans. At most, they’ll maybe give you a recipe for you, medium-rare.

Sadly, their stay is brief, because Stallone soon escapes and jams an electrical wire into the head of most monosyllabic among them. Of course, the mutant does get to say, “You killed my Pa,” so it’s not a total waste.

3

Blade: Trinity — The Human Farm

Throughout the Blade series, characters are constantly mentioning the fact that the vampire universe is bigger than you know. Sure, you think we live in a world of humans and puppy dogs and hit singles from Evanescence, but underneath it all, there’s a society of vampires. And when that society decides to rule the world, Blade will … take them out pretty easily, actually. For a race that’s apparently thiiiiis close to dominating the world, they sure seem to be divided into easily spin-kicked pockets.

Blade: Trinity is the worst Blade film. The best thing about Blade and Blade 2 is that they feel inventive and fresh. You’re getting things from them that you wouldn’t get from a Spider-Man or X-Men film — namely, Wesley Snipes cursing and reducing screeching henchmen to ashes. It’s why they’re two of my favorite superhero films. On the other hand, Blade: Trinity features boring-ass Dracula and his something or another quest to vaguely rule the world. After years of tackling rave mutants and goth Nosferatus, Blade’s final fight is with a bad Witcher cosplayer.

Luckily, we do get one scene that feels like it came out of the earlier films. Blade finds a human farm, where a bunch of comatose people are vacuum-sealed into big Ziploc bags and used as a constant source of vampire food. It’s super creepy, and when Blade gets told that they’re all brain-dead, he shuts the whole thing down with barely a second thought or a quietly growled “motherfucker.”

New Line Cinema

It also gives the movie (and the series) a sense of grand scale that it had been lacking. Oh, THIS is what the vampires were hyping up when they were jabbering on about their big vampire plans. Well, I apologize for not paying more attention, emo ghouls. My bad. My bad.

2

X-Men: Apocalypse — Wolverine’s Introduction

Before Logan, we only got tastes of Wolverine’s full potential as a fighter. One taste was in X2, when he has to defend Xavier’s School for Kool Kidz and Cyclops from William Stryker’s men. But the best pre-Logan scene of Wolverine grinding his way through bad guys in order to level up for the final boss was in X-Men: Apocalypse. Wolverine appears for only a few minutes in this movie, and he looks like an absolute monster.

Imagine you’re a security guard for some mutant research project. You don’t really worry about those mutants escaping, because why would you? They’re usually sedated and subdued, and if they did start waking up, there’s a whole room full of guys with heavy firearms who would blow them away. Then one day, you’re eatin’ a microwavable chicken pot pie and thinking about your novel when you hear “Weapon X is loose.” You know, the most dangerous experiment in a whole building full of dangerous experiments. Will the gun they’ve given you work against someone with adamantium claws and, if the rumors you heard are true, healing powers? Maybe.

That’s the feeling you get during the scene in which Wolverine escapes: pure, pee-your-pants, “Oh my god, I was not properly trained for this” terror. Sure, Logan has a lot of scenes where he cuts his way through dudes, but that movie frames it as action, while this turns Wolverine into a slasher villain. It doesn’t hurt that the scene ends with a splash of blood coming from offscreen, which is slasher movie code for “Daaaammmnnn.”

The rest of the movie is pretty subpar. The X-Men’s most powerful villain, Apocalypse, is handled so poorly that you just wish Magneto could be the main bad guy for the fourth time. But I guess it’s to be expected that the best part of an X-Men film would include Hugh Jackman. Oh, Hugh. Was it something I said? Please come back.

1

Batman v. Superman — The Warehouse Fight

Batman v. Superman didn’t give us a lot of what I would call “iconic” Batman moments. At one point, he does ask Superman, “Do you bleed?” and that’s pretty cool. But then Superman flies off because he has more important things to do than to lightly argue with some billionaire manchild, leaving Batman just standing there. So what does Batman do? He says, “You will,” and TOTALLY WINS THAT CONVERSATION. You sure got him, dude helplessly standing in the wreckage of his super car. I’m sure the shower argument that you had by yourself later was full of similar zingers. “DO YOU BLEED? WELL, I BET YOU DO. AND THEN I’D FUCKING PUNCH HIM LIKE THIS, AND SUPERMAN WOULD BE ALL LIKE, ‘NO, PLEASE, STOP, BATMAN. I BET YOUR PENIS DOESN’T EVEN SLIGHTLY CURVE TO THE LEFT.’ AND I’D BE ALL LIKE BAM. POW. SHUT UP.”

On a more positive note, Batman v. Superman does have one awesome scene: the warehouse fight. Now, before I get into why this part is so great, I do have to say that a lot of it has to do with the critically acclaimed Batman: Arkham games, which make every other Batman fight scene in every other medium look like a slap fight among friends. In the Arkham games, you can sneak up behind a dude, choke him out, zip up to a gargoyle, fly over and drop-kick a man’s torso off his body, zip back up to another gargoyle, tie a guy up to said gargoyle, throw a smoke pellet, hit a thug with an electric shock gun, choke out another dude, and then run up to the last dude as he fills you with bullets and hope that your body armor holds up for long enough so that Batman can someday wear the man’s skull as a shoe.

That’s the kind of thing that we got in the Batman v. Superman warehouse scene, during which Batman goes back and forth, rearranging an entire gang’s internal organs using everything in his disposal. Here are a few highlights:

– A guy comes into the room brandishing a grenade, so Batman kicks a guy he already has hanging from the ceiling into the grenade man.

– Batman Rock Bottoms a dude into the floor — a technique most assuredly taught to him by Ra’s al Ghul when Batman trained with all of those ninjas. “You must learn to conquer your fear, Bruce,” I remember Ra’s saying in Batman Begins. “CONQUER IT WITH THE PEOPLE’S ELBOW.”

– Batman uses his grappling hook gun thing to sling a box into a guy, and the guy gets hit so hard that he flies into a wall and the back of his goddamn head apparently comes off.

There are a lot of people who have a problem with Batman committing murder, but since my favorite superhero film is Batman Returns, I don’t think it’s that big of a deal. At the very least, it gave us a chance to experience an Arkham City level on the big screen, narrated entirely by Ben Affleck’s grunts.

Daniel has a Twitter. Go to it. Enjoy yourself. Kick your boots off and stay for a while.

Live long enough to see yourself become the villain with your own Batman Utility Belt!

If you loved this article and want more content like this, support our site with a visit to our Contribution Page. Or sign up for our Subscription Service for exclusive content, an ad-free experience, and more.

For more, check out The 5 Most Awesomely Bad Comic Book Movies and 8 (Pointless) Laws All Comic Book Movies Follow.

Subscribe to our YouTube channel, and check out 4 Things Superhero Movies Don’t Have the Balls to Do, and watch other videos you won’t see on the site!

Also follow us on Facebook. You won’t regret it.

Read more: http://ift.tt/2BzY3S6

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5 Superhero Movies That Are Only Worth It For One Scene

Bad superhero films are a treasure. Not only does one make you disappointed with Hollywood for creating a bad movie, but it also makes you doubly frustrated because they’re messing up something that you know is good in comic book form. However, we shouldn’t write off a bad superhero movie immediately. Upon closer examination, these terrible films can contain little glimpses of promise — little glimpses that make you say “This might be a secret masterpiece.” Or at least, “This doesn’t suck every poop.”

5

Batman & Robin — The Criminal Property Locker

In the annals of bad superhero films, Batman & Robin stands alone. It isn’t a “Well, maybe it’s not THAT bad” film like Superman Returns or Spider-Man 3. It isn’t a “I’ll forget the plot of this before I even leave the theater” film like X-Men: The Last Stand or Daredevil. It isn’t a “That’s a damn shame” film like Superman IV: The Quest For Peace or Robocop 2. And it isn’t a “If there is a God, they wouldn’t let this happen” film like Catwoman or Spawn. Instead, it’s a film that somehow gets both more amazingly terrible and more inexplicably enjoyable with time. I hate it and I love it in equal measure, and years after I’m dead, researchers will discover my skeleton clinging to a VHS copy of it, like Quasimodo and Esmeralda at the end of Hunchback Of Notre Dame.

But the movie does have one extremely cool split second. Now, there is a well-known Easter egg in Batman & Robin: When Bane and Poison Ivy are breaking Mr. Freeze out of Arkham Asylum, you get a glimpse of the “Criminal Property Locker.” And in the locker are the costumes of the Riddler and Two-Face from Batman Forever. That’s kind of neat — though since Two-Face died by falling into a spiky underwater pit, it does imply that some poor Arkham intern had to dry-clean and sew his fucking suit back together.

Warner Bros.

Read Next

5 Things You Can't Help But Wonder When Watching Movies

But the rest of the stuff in the room implies that when the Tim Burton/Joel Schumacher Batman wasn’t eviscerating clowns or neon terrorists, he was still pretty busy. Beside the Riddler’s suit is a doll, so at some point, was Val Kilmer punching the shit out of B-list villain Toyman? Or is that the work of the Dollmaker, a guy who made dolls out of his victims’ skin? Is that dude still in Arkham? It’s unlikely, considering that Michael Keaton’s Batman was one part hero and nine parts sadist, and probably attached a bomb to Dollmaker and peed on him a little bit before even learning his name. But still, the scene adds history to a series that seemed to be mostly about Batman sitting around in his office, waiting for crime to happen.

And then, on the right side, we see a pair of boxing gloves. So good luck, guy who was using those. I’m sure your career as Two-Punch Man was really hitting its peak just before Michael Keaton ripped your intestines out through your eye holes.

But the most interesting part is the big mechanical suit that we see, and on first glance, you’d probably assume that it’s Mr. Freeze’s suit, since that’s what Poison Ivy broke into the locker to get. But Mr. Freeze’s suit looks nothing like that. So either Mr. Freeze has been fighting Batman and Robin for so long that he’s had to upgrade his technology in order to keep his chilly ass un-kicked, or it belongs to another mech-suited villain. The pyromaniac Firefly, maybe? That would be so awesome, and now I’m so pissed that I never got to see Val Kilmer stare expressionless around a bug man with a flamethrower. What were you even good for if you couldn’t give us that, the ’90s?

4

Judge Dredd — The Angel Gang

Judge Dredd came out in 1995, when we were still trying to figure out whether superhero movies were going to be a thing. Sure, Superman and Batman had been pretty successful, but was there hope for anyone else? The answer to that was “Not yet,” as proven by the lackluster Judge Dredd, which featured Sylvester Stallone. I know that we’re all currently pretty high on Stallone after Creed, but between Rocky IV and Rocky Balboa, he was having a rough time being in any movie that someone could honestly call good. At his best, he was in films like Demolition Man — or as my dad would call it, Daniel, we need to talk.

Judge Dredd has sweet set design, but other than that, it’s a lot of Stallone and Armand Assante shouting at side characters who are too useless to be given their own shouting dialogue. The only time it really perks up is when Stallone and his little buddy Rob Schneider get captured in the wastelands by the Angel Gang. The Angel Gang are cannibals, and their role in the movie almost feels like Judge Dredd DLC. But during the gang’s brief vacation in your eyeballs, Judge Dredd ceases to be a humdrum exploration into the beauty of shoulder pads, and starts feeling special.

There are plenty of movies wherein superheroes fight random gangs. There are just as many superhero movies where the hero is forced to fight a guy who could’ve been a hero, but instead went evil. But there are very few superhero films in which the hero has to tangle with the cast of The Hills Have Eyes. The Angel Gang is a bunch of wild cards. They don’t want to build a city-sinking torpedo or open up a portal to release an ancient evil whatever; they just want to snack on you a little bit. They won’t say any clever lines or reveal any master plans. At most, they’ll maybe give you a recipe for you, medium-rare.

Sadly, their stay is brief, because Stallone soon escapes and jams an electrical wire into the head of most monosyllabic among them. Of course, the mutant does get to say, “You killed my Pa,” so it’s not a total waste.

3

Blade: Trinity — The Human Farm

Throughout the Blade series, characters are constantly mentioning the fact that the vampire universe is bigger than you know. Sure, you think we live in a world of humans and puppy dogs and hit singles from Evanescence, but underneath it all, there’s a society of vampires. And when that society decides to rule the world, Blade will … take them out pretty easily, actually. For a race that’s apparently thiiiiis close to dominating the world, they sure seem to be divided into easily spin-kicked pockets.

Blade: Trinity is the worst Blade film. The best thing about Blade and Blade 2 is that they feel inventive and fresh. You’re getting things from them that you wouldn’t get from a Spider-Man or X-Men film — namely, Wesley Snipes cursing and reducing screeching henchmen to ashes. It’s why they’re two of my favorite superhero films. On the other hand, Blade: Trinity features boring-ass Dracula and his something or another quest to vaguely rule the world. After years of tackling rave mutants and goth Nosferatus, Blade’s final fight is with a bad Witcher cosplayer.

Luckily, we do get one scene that feels like it came out of the earlier films. Blade finds a human farm, where a bunch of comatose people are vacuum-sealed into big Ziploc bags and used as a constant source of vampire food. It’s super creepy, and when Blade gets told that they’re all brain-dead, he shuts the whole thing down with barely a second thought or a quietly growled “motherfucker.”

New Line Cinema

It also gives the movie (and the series) a sense of grand scale that it had been lacking. Oh, THIS is what the vampires were hyping up when they were jabbering on about their big vampire plans. Well, I apologize for not paying more attention, emo ghouls. My bad. My bad.

2

X-Men: Apocalypse — Wolverine’s Introduction

Before Logan, we only got tastes of Wolverine’s full potential as a fighter. One taste was in X2, when he has to defend Xavier’s School for Kool Kidz and Cyclops from William Stryker’s men. But the best pre-Logan scene of Wolverine grinding his way through bad guys in order to level up for the final boss was in X-Men: Apocalypse. Wolverine appears for only a few minutes in this movie, and he looks like an absolute monster.

Imagine you’re a security guard for some mutant research project. You don’t really worry about those mutants escaping, because why would you? They’re usually sedated and subdued, and if they did start waking up, there’s a whole room full of guys with heavy firearms who would blow them away. Then one day, you’re eatin’ a microwavable chicken pot pie and thinking about your novel when you hear “Weapon X is loose.” You know, the most dangerous experiment in a whole building full of dangerous experiments. Will the gun they’ve given you work against someone with adamantium claws and, if the rumors you heard are true, healing powers? Maybe.

That’s the feeling you get during the scene in which Wolverine escapes: pure, pee-your-pants, “Oh my god, I was not properly trained for this” terror. Sure, Logan has a lot of scenes where he cuts his way through dudes, but that movie frames it as action, while this turns Wolverine into a slasher villain. It doesn’t hurt that the scene ends with a splash of blood coming from offscreen, which is slasher movie code for “Daaaammmnnn.”

The rest of the movie is pretty subpar. The X-Men’s most powerful villain, Apocalypse, is handled so poorly that you just wish Magneto could be the main bad guy for the fourth time. But I guess it’s to be expected that the best part of an X-Men film would include Hugh Jackman. Oh, Hugh. Was it something I said? Please come back.

1

Batman v. Superman — The Warehouse Fight

Batman v. Superman didn’t give us a lot of what I would call “iconic” Batman moments. At one point, he does ask Superman, “Do you bleed?” and that’s pretty cool. But then Superman flies off because he has more important things to do than to lightly argue with some billionaire manchild, leaving Batman just standing there. So what does Batman do? He says, “You will,” and TOTALLY WINS THAT CONVERSATION. You sure got him, dude helplessly standing in the wreckage of his super car. I’m sure the shower argument that you had by yourself later was full of similar zingers. “DO YOU BLEED? WELL, I BET YOU DO. AND THEN I’D FUCKING PUNCH HIM LIKE THIS, AND SUPERMAN WOULD BE ALL LIKE, ‘NO, PLEASE, STOP, BATMAN. I BET YOUR PENIS DOESN’T EVEN SLIGHTLY CURVE TO THE LEFT.’ AND I’D BE ALL LIKE BAM. POW. SHUT UP.”

On a more positive note, Batman v. Superman does have one awesome scene: the warehouse fight. Now, before I get into why this part is so great, I do have to say that a lot of it has to do with the critically acclaimed Batman: Arkham games, which make every other Batman fight scene in every other medium look like a slap fight among friends. In the Arkham games, you can sneak up behind a dude, choke him out, zip up to a gargoyle, fly over and drop-kick a man’s torso off his body, zip back up to another gargoyle, tie a guy up to said gargoyle, throw a smoke pellet, hit a thug with an electric shock gun, choke out another dude, and then run up to the last dude as he fills you with bullets and hope that your body armor holds up for long enough so that Batman can someday wear the man’s skull as a shoe.

That’s the kind of thing that we got in the Batman v. Superman warehouse scene, during which Batman goes back and forth, rearranging an entire gang’s internal organs using everything in his disposal. Here are a few highlights:

– A guy comes into the room brandishing a grenade, so Batman kicks a guy he already has hanging from the ceiling into the grenade man.

– Batman Rock Bottoms a dude into the floor — a technique most assuredly taught to him by Ra’s al Ghul when Batman trained with all of those ninjas. “You must learn to conquer your fear, Bruce,” I remember Ra’s saying in Batman Begins. “CONQUER IT WITH THE PEOPLE’S ELBOW.”

– Batman uses his grappling hook gun thing to sling a box into a guy, and the guy gets hit so hard that he flies into a wall and the back of his goddamn head apparently comes off.

There are a lot of people who have a problem with Batman committing murder, but since my favorite superhero film is Batman Returns, I don’t think it’s that big of a deal. At the very least, it gave us a chance to experience an Arkham City level on the big screen, narrated entirely by Ben Affleck’s grunts.

Daniel has a Twitter. Go to it. Enjoy yourself. Kick your boots off and stay for a while.

Live long enough to see yourself become the villain with your own Batman Utility Belt!

If you loved this article and want more content like this, support our site with a visit to our Contribution Page. Or sign up for our Subscription Service for exclusive content, an ad-free experience, and more.

For more, check out The 5 Most Awesomely Bad Comic Book Movies and 8 (Pointless) Laws All Comic Book Movies Follow.

Subscribe to our YouTube channel, and check out 4 Things Superhero Movies Don’t Have the Balls to Do, and watch other videos you won’t see on the site!

Also follow us on Facebook. You won’t regret it.

Read more: http://ift.tt/2BzY3S6

from Viral News HQ http://ift.tt/2yqnUd2 via Viral News HQ

[char27martin]

Nine Lessons I Learned About Writing as a Trial Lawyer

I was a trial lawyer for thirty-one years before I retired and began a second career as a mystery/crime novelist. My law practice was not glamorous—no flashy criminal trials or high-profile, big-dollar civil cases. I did run-of-the-mill civil litigation: mostly real estate claims, business disputes, contract matters and employment cases.

Contrary to the image of daily duels in the courtroom from popular literature, television and movies, the work of most attorneys—particularly attorneys in civil practice—is writing. I was no exception. I spent most days drafting contracts and composing briefs and motions.

It was pretty dry stuff, and nowhere near as much fun as inventing quirky characters and putting together twisty plots has proven to be. But you can’t spend that much time writing and not learn something from it. And even though the writing I do now is worlds away from the legal writing I did, plenty of what I learned in those three decades has application to the writing of fiction.

                    John Keyse-Walker practiced law for thirty years, representing business and individual clients, educational institutions, and government entities. He is an avid salt- and freshwater angler, a tennis player, kayaker, and an accomplished cook. He lives in Ohio with his wife. His first novel, Sun, Sand, Murder, won the 2015 Minotaur Books/Mystery Writers of American First Crime Novel Award.

Here are nine lessons I learned as a lawyer which help me write mystery/crime fiction now:

1. Capture the reader’s attention soon: I knew judges who would stop reading a brief if it was boring or poorly written. They considered it a waste of their time. And it was their job to read the brief! Just imagine if your reader is doing the reading for pleasure. So how did I avoid having my briefs go unread?

There was always something in every case that would capture the judge’s interest—a legal issue, a juicy fact pattern, a compelling argument. The trick was to get it in front of the judge early, within the first two or three pages. That would get them into the brief where you could then tell your whole story.

The same is true of fiction readers. Place something to capture their interest in the first few pages of your manuscript or lose them forever.

2. Be concise: A legal brief had to be packed with important content. Most courts limited the number of pages you could submit. As a result, in a very limited space, you had to explain the facts of the case, the law, and put them together in an argument for your client’s position. Filler, in the form of adverbs or adjectives, wasted available space. A clean, spare style of writing usually won the day.

There’s a bit more leeway when writing fiction, but readers will still reject flowery, frivolous prose. Make your words count.

3. Big words are bad: Judges understood and appreciated when I used “car” instead of “motor vehicle,” “sign” instead of “execute,” “charity” instead of “eleemosynary institution.” Don’t make your readers read your work with a dictionary at their fingertips. You’re trying to tell them a story, not impress them with your vocabulary.

4. Revise, revise, revise: The first draft of any contract I ever wrote was not as good as the second draft, and the second draft never as good as the third. Revisions, with some time to let the work simmer between drafts, are always necessary and always an improvement.

5. Proofread to perfection: The impact of a good brief could be lessened by a few well-placed typos and destroyed by a host of them. Typos and bad grammar told the judge that you are sloppy and didn’t care. And if those details were sloppy, the probability was that your legal research was of the same quality.

In the world of fiction writing, typos and grammar errors convey the same message to agents, editors and publishers. Make sure your work is perfect. It shows them you care and it shows that you are proficient in a vital aspect of your chosen profession.

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6. Let the reader draw his own conclusions: “Witness Smith is a liar” written in a brief is not nearly as effective as showing how four disinterested witnesses contradicted Smith’s testimony. The impact is created by allowing the reader to draw his own conclusions.

The same applies to writing fiction. Contrast the sentence “It was a beautiful night” with “The night was scented with frangipani.” The message is the same but the latter sentence conjures a whole set of images, where the former is a dull conclusion.

7. The Rule of Three: An attorney mentor of mine told me to always present crucial testimony to a jury three times—tell them what they will hear from the witness, then let them hear directly from the witness, then tell them what they have heard.

This “Rule of Three” has a balance to it beyond mere reinforcement. A grouping of three has an orderliness that is somehow pleasing, and almost lyrical, when applied to writing. An example: “The murder was an act of necessity, the shooting of the rabid dog, the torching of the wasp nest, the shovel to the head of the serpent in the nursery.”

8. Don’t tell it; have someone say it: Lawyers are notorious for putting their own spin on the words of the parties and witnesses in a case. This is done mostly by paraphrasing—by telling the story—rather than directly quoting. Yet the greatest impact, in the courtroom or a brief, comes not from paraphrasing but from the person’s own quoted words.

That impact carries over to fiction writing. Setting out the story through character dialogue adds a life and liveliness that can never be achieved through a third-party telling.

9. Get it done: Courts set deadlines that are rigid and do not provide extensions for things like writer’s block. You are told when your brief is due, and if it is not done, there are consequences.

Developing an “on-time” mindset helps in the writing world, too. Like most people, agents and editors appreciate when you do what you say you are going to do, on time and with no excuses.

Apply these lessons from the legal world, fellow writers. You will be pleasantly surprised how much they help your writing career.

If you’re an agent looking to update your information or an author interested in contributing to the GLA blog or the next edition of the book, contact Writer’s Digest Books Managing Editor Cris Freese at cris.freese@fwmedia.com.

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